RSD CLASSIC ARTICLES from rsd wiki: http://www.rsdwiki.com/index.php?title=RSD_Classic_Articles
How to Ride the Vibe to the Fuck
Co-Authors: Coolwater DoctorOwl (CKonior from the Lounge) Inspired by: Style TylerDurden Playboy - RIP NaturalJ/Ryanstone Twenty-Six After having worked with 100s of students from both badboy and RSD in the field, winged with the very best in the game, and analyzing our own failures and successes, we've come to the conclusion that one of the major aspects missing from people's games is VIBING. The reason for this is that it cannot be easily articulated and explained in a post, whereas tactics, techniques and principals can. Therefore guys will know in their mind that they are the prize, deliver their material flawlessly, and get good reactions from the girls, yet they're ever chasing that elusive "connection" that will result in a nice LR for the boys. Most guys who're trying to get good will run a set like this: ROUTINEMACHINEOpener Routine Routine Routine .... Routine Stall Routine Eject What they don't understand is that they may of gained attraction at routine 2 or 3, but they're still "plowing" through their stack without much social awareness. The girls then look at them with that "what the fuck?" look. Some well meaning student has read on ASF to plow the fuck through and all that happens is that they stay in set longer then get a delayed "what the fuck?!" look. Someone trying to emulate a more "natural"/direct approach will roll in and say something like ANTIROUTINEGUY-
"Hey, I think you're adorable" or "I leik you" or something situational or whatever Rapport Rapport Rapport Girl ejects out of boredom The above two are both trying to get close to the COOL guy, the naturally charismatic and smooth guy will play it like this: COOLGUYOpener/situational/social circle/join open set Vibe Vibe Vibe Vibe A lot of the time gets laid but not always because of inability to CONSCIOUSLY progress past a certain waypoint. You¡¦re probably asking what the difference between going rapport and vibing is. The difference is that vibing involves a certain emotional energy. Rapport is like you're conversing with your grandmother, but vibing is like you're shooting the shit with the boys. There's added intrigue and humor that make it more engaging, compelling, and exciting. So now lets think about this.. each style (the COOL guy, the anti_routine_machine and the routine machine) has key elements which are important to the sarge, but are lacking in others. The expert routine machine misses out in that he tries to force routines in places they don't belong, uses too many, comes off as entertaining, doesn't get to express their personality, makes unnatural moves, and is generally routine dependant. The intermediate routine machine delivers poorly polished routines, has terrible vocal projection, weird ticks and BL, can't hold EC, has a poor routine stack, takes on a persona around girls. It's best to learn what right looks like from the guys getting LAID. Intermediates who haven't done this, will then run to direct because it cuts out a lot of the weirdness and incongruence, caused by bad delivery, and so "direct" seems to result in smoother interactions. They'll then be anti-routine yet not get laid very often because they cannot VIBE nor do they have a dependable routine stack to fall back on should the situation arise. The advantage HOWEVER in a TIGHT-ARSE routine stack can pass waypoints easily and gets predictable outcomes on all his sets. He'll open, attract, isolate, and phase shift predictability. The best PUAs, the ones getting laid, know how to vibe but can also progress through the waypoints using routines when necessary. So their structure will be more like PUA- Opener routine Vibe Vibe Hook routine/DHV Vibe Vibe Vibe Phase shift routine ... Vibe Lay
This combines the best elements of both styles the girls feel a connection because you're vibing properly, and you can escalate via the use of routines. The whole point is that you "can" the waypoints, and vibe the rest HOW TO VIBE1. Using a question or statement, go into a topic (your main topic). 2. Explore that topic with stories and interesting information, and riff into other sub-topics. 3. When that other topic is exhausted, go back to the main one. 4. Switch main topics at leisure. 5. Be motherfucking proactive and think ahead two subtopics ahead. A great conversationalist can shut the fuck up when nessecary, but also has the ability to talk for ages. Think about David Letterman.. do you think he ever stalls?? No. Like even if theres an awkward moment, he¡¦ll still make it fun. Topics can be ANYTHING even BULLSHIT you make up on the spot. You can riff on anything. The point is that you can bullshit into other stuff you KNOW about or even don't know about Eg. PUA (step 1): Yeah, I just got back from New York. [MAIN TOPIC] HB: Oh really.. you're from new york? PUA: You know what? It's so interesting because in new york, someone¡¦s status is determined by how cultured they are[SUBTOPIC].. like their clothes [SUBTOPIC], their accent[SUBTOPIC], and how well read they are[SUBTOPIC]. HB: That's so materialistic[SUBTOPIC]! PUA (step 2): I have this friend who has the coolest clothes, he's totally into Versace jeans. He spent like 500 dollars on them. The thing is that it looked like he was too tryhard, and he racked up all these bills on his credit card and now he's all stressed. HB: Oh yeah, that's kind of like my friend who's blah blah blah. (subtopic now exhausted 10 mins later) PUA(step 3): So I'm in new york and I come across one of those little globes [SUBTOPIC] that you shake and the snow [SUBTOPIC] goes everywhere. HB: Yeah I think those things are cute. Blah blah blah PUA: Blah blah blah... [MAIN TOPIC IS NYC, NOW EXHAUSTED] PUA: I can't wait till Christmas [NEW MAIN TOPIC] I'm saving up [SUBTOPIC] to get presents [SUBTOPIC] for my neice [SUBTOPIC] Have fun, and feel free to throw in general playful stuff such as light teasing, appropriate misinterpretation, future/past adventure projections, fun mini cold reads etc. If you feel the need to throw these in once every minute, chill the fuck out. Know that these things will not save the conversation but rather keep a certain tension between the two of you.
CHILL THE FUCK OUT Don't be afraid to talk about your life, childhood, whatever. Remember to engage the whole group, qualify when necessary, and avoid a you vs them frame and keep it as a "we" frame. The girl is not your enemy to be defeated, she is your friend to be fucked. FUCKED HARD TOO THE LITTLE SLUT! Try going and instead of being totally routine or totally anti-routine, vibe most of the time, and use your calibrated routines when needed. Realise that bad delivery of a routine during vibing will be disasterous because it's fucking weird. Don't be fucking weird. Chill the fuck out. Be cool. If you do this right, you will ride the vibe to the fuck! --Geoff, Coolwater, DoctorOwl
12 Thoughts on Life and Pick-Up
Fellas, Had a couple insights in my head. Thought I might share them, and maybe some of them will help you guys like they have me. 1.) Passion is a gift. By doing so, we're able to tap into more of our potential than we thought possible. The success cycle is results => belief => potential => action. If you envision yourself producing the kind of results that you want (women obviously a great example), then you'll be able to confirm that belief. That belief will then let you tap into more of your potential, and then your potential will produce greater results. The results will then reconfirm that belief, and the cycle will continue. 2.) From confidence comes competence. I completely believe in the whole let your confidence come first to help you produce your competence. You can't wait for competence to get confidence. That's like waiting to win the superbowl to feel confident on the football field. Damn fine point by man, Tony Robbins and whoever quoted that. 3.) Learn. Be a motherfucking learning machine. If you're not getting the results you want, change your approach and go from there. You're successful if you give 100% and
learn. These two things will produce the results that you want. Avoid becoming the someone who’s a “guru” who can’t turn to others for their help. Or, when they do receive it, they have to dismiss it or qualify themselves by explaining what they did. Instead, tell them you appreciate their feedback and roll from there. Make sure that you learn from someone that’s getting the type of results that you want AND has the intelligence to break down what he does to a conscious level. A lot of great guys you meet in the field, my roommate Natural J (probably one of the best naturals on the planet) for example, get laid like rockstars yet aren’t intelligent (meaning able to make distinctions) about what it is that they do. I learn a lot from his actions, yet not from his advice. 4.) Have fun. Ask yourself, how can I do this and enjoy the process. If you're not having fun, then you will project that onto your set. If going out feels like work for you and you don't enjoy it, then you're doing something wrong (on a psychology level) and ultimately your results will reflect this. Dance around, tease people, or talk with your friends. Trust you're unconscious responses to your feelings. If you're having a great time, then you will have a good night. Regardless of how good your game is. The reason for this is that it goes back to that success cycle, where if you're feeling good your belief structure will change. You will then think to yourself, "yeah, those girls will be easy for me to talk with." Then, you go do it and produce better results than you would have otherwise. 5.) Focus on results. Know what it is you want when it comes to women, and make it something that you can attain here in the next three months. Maybe, you want to have sex with one HB per month. Maybe, you want to improve your closing ratio. Ultimately, for most guys that I've met, they a.) want to fuck a string of hotties, or b.) want to have a great girlfriend. I know that guys usually cycle with the two, where they'll get into a total fun mode, where they'll have sex with several girls. Then, they'll switch gears and get a great girlfriend. Whatever it is that you want, make it happen. Make that your focus and kind of renew that vision whenever you go out. Also, think about what the purpose in doing that is. You need vision and purpose. The two are not the same, and you will have to have both.
Quick example, say you want to fuck one girl per week. That's your vision, then you're got to understand why you want that. Like what will it GIVE YOU. Maybe, it's a feeling of significance. Maybe, it's a feeling of connection. Maybe, it's the knowing that you can achieve whatever it is that you put your mind to. 6.) Quite your mind. We all have an innate auditory digital (aka, self-talk, internal dialogue, etc) part of us. Learn how to quite it whenever you go into set. This is the whole concept of "letting go" in some eastern religions. Also, the concept of "being in the moment." 7.) Environment. Watch how the people around you affects your core personality. People's psychology affect each other. For example, if you're around someone who's core belief is that everyone is against him, then you will start to believe that. There will be some give and take depending on the relationship dynamic, but in the end, a group of people will affect each other's psychology. Funny how I will even take on the mannerisms of the guys that I'm around if I'm around them long enough. The key is that as a true man of character, you should be able to operate in any environment. If you don’t have to put yourself in a disempowering environment, why would you? For a lot of people, the environment will accelerate your success rate. Hang around people that are passionate about having balance in their life, and this will affect you. 8.) State can change in an instant. Have you ever noticed how you can be tired as fuck, and then, have a set of hotties open up. All of a sudden...WHAM...your state changes like that. Or, have you been so enwrapped in something that bombs could have been going off, and you wouldn't have noticed? Time literally felt like it was melting. Or, have you been happy and joyous, and then something happened, whether an event or thought, that changed your state to a disempowering one. What was it that changed? It was you. There was something within your psychology that skewed your state: physiology, beliefs/focus, or languaging.
9.) Have a sharp memory and listen. I think having a sharp memory is something that is overlooked quite a bit, yet is very helpful. Reason is that I use to not listen to much of the interactions that I would have with girls, and in the end, I’d ask questions several times in a row. In the end, the girls would get frustrated that I wasn’t listening to what they were saying, and then, I’d lose the sets. No matter how many sets you do, pretend like this person is a potential friend and remember some of the more important elements of the interaction. Watch how if you can remember parts of the conversation, and use it again as possibly call back humor how it will help the interaction. It’s a great skill to have for social interactions in general. Listen and Remember. 10.) Be unreasonable and refuse to settle for less. For those of you that came into the game with high expectations and have not met them yet. Keep going. Be unreasonable. If you want to be the best PUA in the world, then go for it. If you want to own every social interaction, then go for it. Be unreasonable. Be outstanding. 11.) Ensure that you don't escape too often, and when you do, make sure it's with empowering activities. If you find yourself having a bad night and escaping with food, drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes, commit to change that immediately. Find more empowering ways to escape, if you absolutely must, like maybe watching a movie, reading a book, working out, having sex with your LTR, or connecting with friends in family. 12.) Be obsessed with balance. Watch how you’re game will improve if you are making major moves in say your body or your career. Unreal. Also, watch how your game is if you missed a workout and have been slacking off at work. Something to think about…. -Geoff
Thoughts from a PUA
Tonight, I ran some of the tightest sets ever. Motherfucking Cuba Gooding Jr himself came by to give me props and start a convo with me at X-LA Hotspot.
MISINTERPRETATIONS ARE A MUST. The big things that I’m realzizing is that misinterpretations are a must. The reason why they’re a must is because no matter what the girl says, she’s playing into your frame. She compliments you, “Hey, so you want ot get out of here.” If you’re not doing them, do them the next motherfucking set you open. MAKE SURE THAT YOU TONS OF QUALIFIERS WITH A RELEASE AT THE END Next thing is that you have to qualify, if you’re not doing it do it. If you’re not doing it, the girl’s going to say, “I bet I’m the 9th girl you’ve gotten the number from.” The reason why it’s no good is because you will get flakes whenever the girl knows that it’s you calling, and she says to herself, “Oh, hey, it’s that guy who gamed him up…I don’t really like him.” Xaneus fucking gamed up a Playboy model right in front of her boyfriend, and he was trying to pull her away yet she didn’t leave. He said the key was that he was constantly qualifying the girl but then pull it away at the very end. Remember reel then release. MASTER THIS TRAIT. UNDERSTAND PUSH/PULL. Next thing, you have to understand and use the structure of push/pull, “That’s an interesting jacket. I wouldn’t like it, but you make it work.” FUCKING CLOSE. “Coffees for closers” There are three big closes that are key: kiss, #, and fuck. Push constantly for these three way points. You’re not shit UNLESS you’re closing. “What’s my name?” “Fuck you’s my name.” Be a closer not a gay boy. (Watch Alex Baldwin’s rant on Glengary Glenross) PUSH PUSH THE SET. Push for isolations, extractions, #s, kisses, and then of course fucks. PUSH/PULL FOR PEAK ENERGY.. When the energy is at it’s PEAK, use one of these three lines (or more if you can come up with them): 1.) You girls are the coolest girls I’ve met in the last…15 minutes 2.) You girls are either the coolest girls I’ve ever met…or total weirdos. 3.) Part of me wants to stay here and talk with you, but part of me wants to run away. 4.) You and I wouldn’t get along. You wouldn’t take my shit, and I wouldn’t take yours. BUST ON THEIR MANNERISMS. I’ve been hanging out with some of the top comics in the country, and I’ve learned a shit load from them. By the way, take stand-up comedy
classes….totally worth it. When they’re running a rough set, they’ll switch to busting on their mannerisms. HAVE A MINIMUM STANDARD OF APPROACHES. Kind of like when you go to the gym, you have a minimum number of sets. Do this with game. For those that say, “I lay first chic I see” then fucking # close 4 sets as you’re extracting this girl. That’s what I did tonight with this hottie hired gun who I was closing, and then jumped into another set to get her opinion. You must do this, and it’s been emphasized by my good buddy Mystery…keep doing that shit. REENGAGE WITH ELASTIC BAND SNAPBACK. “I hate you.” PAY ATTENTION TO THE GIRL DURING THE OPINION OPENER. If you’re not using opinion openers, then fucking A you’re missing out on the best conversational piece. Don’t know what to say in conversation, try using Jealous Girlfriend. It’s over. Even Naturals have taken and used the opinion openers that I’ve taught them. Mike Rockefeller, our intern, has fucked 40+ chics in the past few years before entering the game, and he was saying how much he loved the opinion opener. The big realization that I learned from winging with Style was that he genuinely cares about what the girl has to say. His belief is that every girl is a new adventure. I noticed that whenever he runs the opinion opener, he’s not waiting for the next moment to run the next routine. He stays on the thread of the opinion opener for a while, and then he starts vibing with them and talks about a wide array of topics. He told me that I was jumping around too much from topic to topic too much, and rather just needed to slow down. WATCH THE RHYTM OF YOUR VOICE. I learned from watching an international pimp and drug dealer pull chics was that he had a smooth rhythm in his voice. It wasn’t choppy or sporatic, it was nice and smooth. (This is kind of advanced, but maybe this will help a couple of you guys) --Geoff aka The Champ, G-Spot, G-Unit, Make-out King, and most importantly a CLOSER (c) REAL Social Dynnnnnnamics
From a night in Vegas
Fellas, not much filler...just a lot of content in this post. I think this should help a lot of you out, which is my outcome in posting on these boards. BE WARM AND FRIENDLY IN SET. Too often guys can make there sets run better if they act like cool motherfucking dudes when they go in set rather than straight faced psychos. And yes, this was me for a long time. I can remember whenever I read DYD 2 years ago and David D. mentioned the long gaze, I did this with many a girl. My sister looked at me one time when we were in an airport and asked me what the hell I was doing. I say just be warm and friendly. If you ever take one of our bootcamps, you’ll see me walk into Mel’s with a warm smile on my face. I like to think that it’s “my house” and I’m going to be warm and engaging. I’m going to smile at every person that catches my glance, and then I’m going to go in set. I usually have every eye on me, and I have a very high close ratio at this diner. I know the manager and always give him dap, and I’ll sometimes bring him into set and make the girls say hi to him. I’ll say something like, “Now, girls this is the manager of Mel’s, you guys be nice to guy. Now, introduce yourselves.” Then, I might leave the set. Another thing, in diners there’s a lot of eyes on you, so if you can’t vibe and are trying to run a hardcore stack. You’ll probably get a lot of funny looks. IN the same sense, if you go in harcore direct, you’re going to alienate the group and make them all uncomfortable. I advise direct if you’ve caught AI (hardcore AI like she’s staring you down, none of this few second glances, I’m talking about hardcore AI) like Protocol and TD. Afterwards follow up with an opinion opener to use as a conversation piece, sprinkle in some busting on their mannerisms and that should be enough. PRETEND THAT YOU’RE INTERVIEWING HER TO MAKE HER SEEM LIKE THE MOST INTERESTING PERSON ON THE PLANET. Howard Stern can make an HB11 with an IQ of 75 the most interesting person, can you? I hear guys say that the girls were boring. I’d say that there’s no such thing as boring people, just boring conversationalists. I’ve worked my ass of to make anyone from a pool cleaner to a medical doctor come across as interesting. You know what you have in common with someone else? Them. So take that into mind when you interact with them.
EITHER GO FOR AN EXTRACTION, #CLOSE, OR KISS CLOSE EVERY SET YOU OPEN. Are you opening jus to open, or are you beginning with the end in mind? Get into the habit to close. Even if it was a terrible set go for at least a number. You’ll feel better about yourself, and then you’ll get used to closing. And truth is, that you never know. A girl’s status is far more likely to influence her decision rather than how well you gamed her. HAVE FAITH THAT COMPETENCE WILL COME VERY QUICKLY THROUGH CONFIDENCE. Do whatever it takes to develop unwavering confidence through the power of belief. Fucking shout at the top of your lungs that which you want ot become. The following men agree with me: Napoleon Hill, Tony Robbins, Thomas Edison, and the US Military. If you wait for competence, you’re going to be waiting a long time. It took me 3 years to get to the point where I was closing hotties regularly. BE ON HER SIDE NOT AGAINST HER. Establish a we-frame quickly, so you can quicly build trust with your girl. If you get into a verbal spat, and she wins, say “respect…that was fun. ” then start a different conversation. FOLLOW AI WITH DIRECT FOLLOWED BY YOUR STACK I think a great way to follow up AI is with direct, and then immediately run your stack: opener…busting on their mannerisms… WHAT IS OWNING THE FRAME? ARE YOU SELLING YOURSELF TO HER OR IS SHE SELLING YOU ON THE IDEA OF WHY SHE SHOULDN’T BE WITH YOU? If you come in with total certainty you will win, after I worked with a student this past weekend in Vegas on his certainty, he extracted the very first set he opened. Don’t think you’ve nexted her, but rather that she’s one. No big deal, but if you’re not getting a lot of wins and they are, you might want to change your tactic. Rmemeber, flexibility is key. If anyone claims to have found the absolute truth, you better fucking run because he’s probably a liar. Myself along with the other RSD instructors have some great approaches because we’ve each done 1000s of approaches and worked with 100s of students, so we can troubleshoot instantly. I see a lot of guys who know great tactics, who let the girls stomp all over them. Stop, taking this shit and instead realize that you’re going to have to get several “no’s” including in the beginning to crack open the set.
I did a set this weekend with Zoose, a student who made up with the hottest girl in Pure, and I got my girl a solid LA 8 (anywhere else a 9/10) to fall in love with me. How because I was willing to put in the work to sell myself to her rather than fall into her frame of letting her sell me on the idea of why she shouldn’t be with me. Cut of threads if they’re not helpful in a socially savy way, and talk about what you want to do. Learn some cool Interactive Value Demonstarations. And also, if you think that you can be out of shape, have no solid career, and get good at this, you better think again. Women can detect instantly if you’re a guy who has these factors in line. This is something that I tried to ignore, but have since realized is so so true. ARE YOU TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL? IF SO, YOU CAN RECOVER. If you think you’re the shit, just remember: you aren’t shit unless you’re closing shit. If you come in like you’re the shit, and she starts testing you…don’t’ get frustrated. Handle them, and then move on. A lot of guys come in very cocky (which they confuse with confidence), and the girls are not impressed. To recover, simply use the infamous “I’m sorry if I teased a lot…I used to live with sisters, and that’s the way we showed affection” or some similar line that will help you recover from your social blunder. TEST FOR RAPPORT BY USING RAPPORT PINGERS. Is it time to switch to rapport? Test to see if it is by saying a hook for a potential thread, such as “I just got back from New York” OR “You know I went shopping earlier today” If she says, “how was it” or “what did you buy?” then you’re in. You’ve effectively tested for rapport and shifted at the highly calibrated time. SPLIT THE OPENER WITH YOUR WING. GET INTERESTED IN YOUR OPENER. ACT AS IF IT’S A SITUATION YOU ARE ALREADY IN. A great fucking opener is jealous girlfriend. You and your wing split it and do a take away after the first part and pretend like you’re discussing it. Then, have your wing go in and reinitiate with the second bit. ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING BETTER TO SAY THAN HER. Rick H says it. I swear by it. Work on your wittiness as it will pay off because a lot of times you’ll get shittested, and the standard responses will not work. KNOW WHEN TO SHIFT GEARS. I’ve seen before guys overgame and don’t know when to shift into rapport. And way too many guys hold back on escalating, which is something that most guys find so empowering about taking my programs. I created a monster this past weekend, who made out with the hottest chic in the club, then
followed it up with another girl, and the pinnacle was when he kissed a girl right in front of her boyfriend. Also, you’ve got to know how to shift into a nice vibe with the girl, so that you both feel like there’s a certain bit of comfort and trust. REMEMBER THAT REPETITION IS THE MOTHER OF SKILL.AND THE BASICS GO ALONG WAY. I see guys trying out all these new tactics they read online, when they have huge internal issues (checkout every single one of Tony Robbin’s Programs until you have mastered what he says and also checkout TD’s book which I’ve been proofing (some amazing shit). The common mistakes I see advance guys making are: 1.) The don’t extract 2.) They don’t isolate 3.) They don’t own the frame and let the girls shit on them 4.) They lean in (eventhough they know they shouldn’t) 5.) They don’t project or know how to find the right chord which will cut over the music 6.) They don’t open with power of belief that the set is going to open. OPEN STRONG 7.) They don’t think they are as good as they are, and therefore, don’t try to close the set. 8.) They overgame and use way too much material to the point where the girls get weirded out 9.) They don’t follow up on their numbers 10.) They don’t dress cool, but rather try to invent their own style. 11.) They qualify themselves and are all about them, and don’t’ know about adding value to an interaction. 12.) They assume that intellectual mastery is the same thing as emotional and physical mastery. I know this; therefore, I don’t need to hear this. Bull shit, you’re going to hear
this, and you’re going to put it into use immediately. Fight through this urge. It’s easy to fall into. 13.) They don’t have a routine stack that can help them get into sets like a no brainer 14.) They try to put together what they think should work that isn’t producing results 15.) They get caught up in appearing good, so that they aren’t afraid to let the coach know what is really going on with their game. I’ll hear a guy say, “Well, I’m frustrated with LMR” when I see his game and it should be “Well, I’m frustrated with the fact that I’m not a very cool guy, but I manager to get girls back into my house but then they freak out when they arrive and leave.” We’ve all had to work through are own challenges, especially me. I used to be incredibly judgemental, and I was very selective about the people that I would talk to. I also had a very narrow view in which I would measure somebodies worthiness. 16.) They start being social dudes, and only start talking with strangers when they’re gaming. Bad move, and this is something that I brokethrough a while back. You know that you can quadruple the number of social interactions underneath your belt by chatting with people as you go about you’re day to day. And you never know how a random act of kindness will come back and help you. Today, I was with TD and his LTR over at Z-Hollywood Shopping Center, and I chatted this one dude at GNC. Come to find out he was a professional body builder and had all types of great tips. If I had taken the mindset that he was just some GNC chump, then I would not have gotten all types of great advice. 17.) They’re so caught up in they’re identity or afraid that they will lose respect in your eyes, that they get defensive when you give them constructive feedback. I listen to all feedback and suggestions, and even if it’s terrible, I’ll still be like thanks man. 18.) They get very critical on themselves, and then they forget to “shit-sandwich” themselves. Remember, ask yourself after each set: 1.) what did I do right, specifically? What can I do even better next time? 3.) Again, let me go over what I did right. This is ohhhhhhhhhhhh…..so key to keep a positive mindset when it comes to pu, and to keep the learning curve high. A lot of guys go out night after night and never make the distinctions that will make them better than everyone else
GIVE HER SOME SPACE AND THEN CUT SPACE AS YOU TALK. Whenever you open a set, give the girl a little bit of space and then cut space as you talk or have a seat. This will help you out a tremendous bit when guys a lot of times come in very close, and it invades the girls’ personal space. IF SHE LEAVES, SHOW NON-NEEDINESS. If the girl leaves to go to the bathroom, find friends, etc, show non-needeiness. I have a Treo 600, and I whip it out and instantly start messaging the LTR. They see this, and I had a solid chic ignore 2 ALPHA money dudes for me. She tried leaving several times and would say, “Hey, well, it was nice meeting you…” Then, I’d say “Cool, same here…” then whip out my phone and start typing. She and I ended up hooking up and she number closed me to hangout when she comes to LA. DRESS SUPER FUCKING COOL. Fellas, for starters, checkout guess, energie, g-star, gap, urban outfitters, Armani exchange for starters. Then, after you have a start here, you can upgrade. I have a sick energie jacket (http://www.energie.it/) that gets compliments constantly. I’m lucky to have an LTR who is a fashion freak too, and she always likes to buy me the latest. TAKE GEOFF’S 10 DAY CHALLENGE. For the next 10 days, do ONE approach per day. After 10 days, e-mail me and I'll give you a special bonus. --Geoff (c) REAL Social Dynnnnnnamics
Back to the Basics
Hey Guys, We’re running the LA Workshop right now, and it came off to a great start. In our group it was me, Papa, Mike A, and Chessclub went to a hot LA nightclub. As soon as we arrived, bam the instructors went into set because that’s the way true closers play. None of this, we’re not here for us, we’re here for the students. We’re motherfucking leaders
in this field, ‘The Game’ as we call it, and we lead by example at R motherfucking SD. So, I open up a 2-set, guy girl, and wam I’m in. My opening sequence is so tight right now, that I always open. 100% opening. I’m getting to the hook about 75% of the time, and it tapers from there. Chessy, an amazing wing as always, and I opened up a mixed set outside X-Hollywood Lounge and had the girls creating emotional connection with us. Lastly, we venue changed and got a set to open, hook, then dive into emotional connection with a nasty AMOG. I remember the blow that sent him home. I’m delivering my opener, and then wam, I ask him, “So, you have a girlfriend don’t you” He’s like, “No” Nice. Then, we’re debriefing the student about his opening, and then the AMOG walks by, I yell, “Ouch, you touched my ass.” The two-set laughs, and then Chessy and I occupy the 8 while the student closes the 9. The amazing thing about the entire night wasn’t us, though, as any good coach should now – but we did damn well. It was about the progress of the students. I took a guy, who is very wealthy who’s had little success with women and had him get to the point where he was able to successfully pull a real cutie, a fashion designer, from the club at the end of the night. Now, I asked myself what I did, and I now know what the fundamentals were that got him to that point so quick – one fucking night. 1.) DEVELOP THE POWER OF FAITH THAT YOU WILL GET THIS AREA HANDLES AT WHATEVER COST. First off, it started with him. He wasn’t so caught up in impressing me, or trying to be impressed that he took the frames, beliefs, push/pull tactics into account right away. I’ve had it to often where a guy will be so caught up in, “What is this guy made of?” That he loses sight of his real focus, “How can I learn and improve my skillset?” He focuses all his energy on that, and we can see it in there eyes. “Go do that set.” We usually laugh when this happens because we know that it stems from insecurities, but we’re so emotionally aware that we’d never say that. We’ll work with you over the weekend to get you to focus on what’s really important. I can expect this type of behavior from guys to who haven’t produced major results in their lifes. They haven’t developed the power of belief. This is so crucial. Remember, the bible quotith, people without a vision perish. Keep a log of every single thing that you want in this area be a kid and say everything and anything. If you want to make-out with a girl in 3 minutes…or 30 seconds…or hell upon opening write it down. If you want to be in a threesome right that down too. Remember, though to ask yourself, is this what I really want. Or, am I letting society, in this case the PU society, tell me what I want? Review your list of goals every week. And when you do this, say it aloud with emotion, ask
yourself and answer, “How can I get the most out of this?” This could be to see a vision of that which you say. Remember, body – mind – heart aka physicology – focus – language/meaning. 2.) BE CONGRUENT AND UNDERSTAND YOUR OPENER. For those of you guys, that still think that you want to not workout, be a slob, and still get the chics think again. I’m here to tell you that great rewards lie to the man who has a balance of his emotions, health, wealth, spirituality (sense of purpose, guidance, and giving), relationships (intimate/family/friends). I can see it already, and when you have it you communicate it via your presence. This all must be taken into account for you to really develop this area of being social, and thereby attracting the women that you desire. There is something unmistakable at presence that you’ll notice that our crew has. You must develop this to get good at this area. Remember, if you’ve failed at getting in shape, then keep trying because great riches lie on the other side for the man who persists. Who has conviction, that he will create that which he desires. Every man has this in him, yet how many actually believe it – emotionally? Men are created not born. That is to say that myself has seen many a setback, but I refused to quit. As a teen, there was nothing written on this area, and I had no clue what to do. I read books on sex, became very popular at my school, went to West Point, and got into an outstanding physical shape. I even let myself believe that I would wait until I was 35 and then chose to get the girl of my dreams. I would feel a faint call in my heart telling me otherwise, but I didn’t believe it. Instead, I let my head takeover, and since I was always an intelligent man, I believed that’s the way things were. I’ve traveled from that point to deep within a secret society where sex is an ease and women chase you. I’ve also grown as a coach able to produce faster and better change in students than most anyone else in this field, which is also to mention was my main area in venturing into this community. I’m not a validation driven man by any stretch of the imagination, but it is a need just like anything else. The question is, do you find empowering ways to meet that need? That’s something my good bud TR always emphasized to me, and this will always be a challenge with this community. If you seek solely external validation you will be empty. If you seek solely internal validation you will probably lie to yourself. The key is to know in your heart who you are, and then resovle to produce resuts that are consistent with that identity. What do you identify yourself with? A winner, or the kid that got picked last in school. You don’t need external references, but rather my permission right now to change that.. Because guess what, whatever you think you are…you are. You must be able to develop the confidence, so that you approach this with so much certainty that
the things you want to produce come out of you so vast and with so much intensity that you never knew you had it in you. Have you ever believed you could do something that everybody else said you couldn’t do? Yet, ya did anyway. Believe me, if you are reading this sentence, this is no coincidence or sheer act of randomness. You are reading this for a purpose. So you want to know how to open? It’s a lot simpler than you think, and the fact that you read this far shows that you were ready for it. The two keys are to a.) understand it, and b.) create the appropriate environment. Too many guys will rush into a set and say, “Hey guys, how lies more guys or girls?” This will not work. There is no reason for any normal, functioning human to even bother to answer such a trite question. Rather, say something that creates an appropriate environment for you to work the opener, which is what you should do anyway. It’s not a one liner, but rather a conversational piece for you to display value. I’m not going to give you the exact way to phrase it because you are very smart, possibly smarter than me. I would like for you to create whatever way to open it, but I want you to ask yourself, “What would be a way to open a set while seeming like I really JuST wanted their opinion. That is the reason why some guys do so well with direct because it’s their first chance to actually be congruent. Thing is with direct is that it puts a lot of social pressure on the girls, and depending on the girl and the context you may not always win. I then ask you the question, do you want to go in on a 10 with direct? Let’s call a spade a spade, and see the way things are – not better not worse. Secondly, do you understand the opener, or are you just saying it just saying it. Are you looking at all the invisible threads, do you have insightful things to say about the topic or are you Mister Roboto. 3.) KNOW WHERE YOU’RE AT. Next, you have to know where you’re at. Are you open, hook, emotional connection, physical connection, close? Did you know when you had passed through each successfully? Did you lean from the set? Or, are you just going into another set hoping that your unconscious mind will pick it up for you? Did you see where you were weird, creepy, or shady and thereby “overqualifying” aka blowing yourself out. Let’s look at this now. Do you think that Justin Timberlake would have a hardtime having sex with a girl from Podunk, Oklahoma? Nope…you have nothing to fear. You’re never overqualified unless you tell yourself you are. You must and I repeat must know where the interaction went south. It was probably something you said, but if you have no clue, then you need to know…even it means asking her. If you lost the set, where’d you lost the frame? Where was the point at which you started reacting to her rather than she was reacting to you?
4.) COMING TO GIVE RATHER THAN TAKE. I’ve seen it too often, and ti’s kind of a carryover of a lot of people’s lives. People are takers and add no value to anyone’s lives, and then they come to this area and they find they “just can’t find something to say.” Well, there’s something to say, but whenever you have to contribute for once you can’t do it. Why? Because you haven’t developed your brain too. You’re in set, and you’re not focusing on, “How can I make this work?” Then, your brain freezes. You reap what you sew. If you have nothing interesting to say, are you expecting her to have something to say. You must be interesting and interested. Lastly, very few guys completed my 10 day challenge. I kind of wonder how much actually apply what it is I write, but I know that some guys have used it to success. If you have, why don’t you reply to this thread and say, “I am a closer.” If you haven’t used any of it, then God Bless. --Geoff (c) REAL Social Dynnnnnnamics
On overtaking fear or simply not approaching
Getting yourself to approach! How do you get yourself to approach? How do you get yourself to take action? Why do you go out with the intention of approaching yet not do it? These are good questions, and I will seek to answer them in this short post. We all know that fear is there to protect us, to help us avoid making decisions that could be costly, such as jump of a bridge or get in a fight with a police officer. Point is that these fears are rational, especially in the area of women as rejection is far worse than something like skydiving. Because in skydiving, there is a small chance for failure, but in approaching there is a huge chance for failure. So the fear of losing is very high, I mean
I'm not perfect and get rejected at times. Of course not very often, and if it happens, I keep approaching till I get something good that I like. But the thing is that everyone gets rejected. The smart ones lose the ego and identify what they did wrong, the stupid ones are the ones that don't want to admit that they're not as good as they thought. If you're winging with me, and I mess up a set, I'll tell you specifically what I did wrong. Maybe I was too loud, or tried to escalate too fast, or tried to crack a joke when they were serious. Point is that I'll identify what I did wrong. Now, say you're out, and you're “not in the mood” you're not feeling it. What do you do? Should you sit around sheepish-ly and think about why you feel this way? No, remember emotion is faster than thought. You see sirens in your rear view mirror, you feel that drop in your stomach, way before you think about what's going on. So, thinking isn't going to work. The one thing that I've found consistently to work is ACTION. Now, action is a funny thing because sometimes there are actions that are too big for people. Sometimes the mere act of talking to a girl is a little too much for a guy. Even if I push him into sets (which by the way rarely works), he probably won't talk to the girls. So, I started thinking and I eventually realized that TAKING SOME ACTION IS BETTER THAN DOING NOTHING. So, one thing that is good for students is to get the ball rolling. To walk up to somebody and say, “hi” It doesn't even have to be someone they're attracted to. Again, some action is better than none. You have to get the ball rolling before you can hope to move it anywhere. What is it? An object in motion stays in motion. Well, specifically all this means is that you have to get rolling with some action, and anything is better than nothing. This is the one thing that I've found consistently to work. Of course, all the other things work, including visualize, pump your state, and three second rule. But all these I've found have their limitations. You can't always go and pump your state in the middle of the club, and sometimes a quick shift in your phsyiology isn't enough. Sometimes, you wait longer than three seconds. And sometimes, even the best visualizations can be overcome by our emotions. Although, I don't want to discredit anything that works, especially these as I've used them all! But one thing I've found to work at this stage is just to take some action is better than none. And remember, that negativity is a demonstration of lower value.
--Geoff (c) REAL Social Dynnnnnnamics
Geoff Shoots From the Hip
Where's Geoff at? Geoff's right here. IF YOU WANT SOMETHING IN YOUR LIFE, MAKE A STUDY OF IT We maybe have heard about this, but it applies to anything. You want a better sex life that is totally passionate. Then, make it a study of it. I know I did this with fitness, school, dating, health, and now with sales. The more you study something and hence apply it. The key is that you must apply it. A typical process goes like this: learn it --> apply it --> master it --> assimilate it with what you know. Most people might apply something but rarely master it. I used to be skeptical of books written on wealth cause I was thinking "If this is so easy, then why aren't more people wealthy?" Same reason why there are tens of thousands books written on how to build a great body, yet very few people ever accomplish it. Or, if they do get a great body, then they stop and say that was a "stage" of their life. Have you seen the people in that video "Pumping Iron" NOW?! Hardly any of them kept up their training programs.
I believe that life is about balance and growth. You have to find the key areas of your life (health, emotions, relationships, etc.) and commit to growing each one of them until you die. That's it. You're growing or you're dying. You think you know it all!?! That's the moment when your wife leaves you, your body goes to the dogs, your finances fail, you lose your kids, your business goes under. Plain and simple. So one thing that I realized is that how do you grow in an area. Simple. Set a goal and go after it like a madman! Then maybe set a goal in another area and go after it. I also believe that with goals you have to set ones that you know that you're going to accomplish. I believe that everyone has a window of comfort. Some people should NOT set goals every three months. That's right, I said some people should NOT set goals for every three months. Why? Because right now their commitment to anything lasts not three months -- but three days! So, should they not set goals? No, they should set three day goals. Then, once they do that, they should expand. What's a three day goal look like? Well, it's usually oriented on actions. Like for the next three days, I'm going to go to the gym and do this type of workout. You need to find your comfort zone and constantly push outward. And when you do accomplish your goals, you need to feel good. You need to say to yourself "Yeah, I did it!" The problem is that people set goals so far outside their comfort zone that it's hard for them to stay committed to them. Hence, the big reason why new year's resolutions fail. What if we had a new year every week? Would people be more motivated?
The same thing with breaking through fear. I'm not going to give someone a phone call and a list of potential customers and say, "Hey, go cold call for three hours." No way, they'll freeze up. So what I'm going to do instead is say, "Here I want you to make five minutes of calls, that's it!" Then, keep building from there. It's the same thing with the area of social interactions. Always lean SLIGHTLY PAST your edge, then set the bar higher. FIND THE POSITIVES AND DOWNSIDES WITH ANY ONE THEORY Yes, that's right. You need to be conscious of what you are reading, watching, listening to, and talking to (as a sidenote even be conscious of the things that you aren't conscious of such as TV in the background, etc). Avoid extremes if possible, so that you can have a balanced life with all areas of your life in check. For example, if you get too extreme into health you get into "raw sprouted vegan organic" eating. That's right: you have to eat in that manner or you're unhealthy. The funny thing is that this style of eating can easily take away from your ability to focus on your career or say your finances. I see a lot of people immersed in health who are hurting financially (myself included at one point!). Why? Because where your focus goes, energy flows. So of course I should point out that, if you're hurting health wise, then go after it. But once you get to where you want to be, then keep doing what you learned from that area and move on to another area of your life. BUT! AVOID PURSUING PERFECTION IN ANY AREA OF YOUR LIFE... Don't make your goal perfection, because when you get to a new level with anything, you realize there's a level above where you're at.
And the funny thing in life, is that we are all secretly searching for that end point. But you have to remember that in life you need to follow those who seek the truth and run from those who claim they have found it. What that means is that we all, out of our need for certainty, want some expert to tell us what to do, but the thing is that we're all students in life. So what they say could change in 3 years or 5 years. Bloodletting at one point was considered THE way to cure disease. Now we laugh thinking 'how they could be so stupid?' Was it that they were stupid, or that they were doing the best with what they knew? And if they were doing the best with what they knew, and so are we, then who's to say that 50 years from now people won't laugh at us? NO CEILINGS...ONLY PLATEAUS... There are no ceilings, only plateaus! That is it. And remember this, sometimes taking on other challenges will help you come back to the goal you were working on and it will seem easier. Remember, that life's delays are not life's denials! ARE WE GROUP THINKING? what we do as humans is that we subconsciously want someone else to lead us! And that inherently leads to "Group Think!" When you start following a pack, inevitably you set yourself up for failure. Have the most powerful influential people been the ones who were in the pack, or stood out from the pack? Here's the interesting thing, is that people's desire for certainty and group think affects them even in personal growth. Go to any seminar. What you will find is that there are groupies of that type of thinking, and while I'm sure each "guru" is grateful, especially for the revenue they get from the
people that buy every single one of their products, they probably also realize that they too have their own blindspots. BE YOUR OWN GURU... Remember, BE YOUR OWN GURU! That is where your true power lies. Now, remember that gurus are like restaurants. You can can spend all your time eating at one, but do you really want to do that? No! And do you want to eat everything on their menu until you go to another restaurant? Of course not, then don't do that with your own personal growth! Challenge yourself and get around where it is better. Have friends of all types, not just the "cool" ones. Because the one person that you don't want to be friends with could have the one tip that will revolutionize your life. PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE The reason why NLP was as powerful as it was, yet it hasn't worked its way into mainstream America, is because the founders forgot one thing! To get good at anything, you need to practice, practice. You cannot simply reprogram someone's phobia, and expect all their problems to be solved. Even, if say the phobia doesn't come back, you need to fill that void. Else they'll develop another phobia. You need to teach them to confront their fears and do the thing which they fear the most. WHY PEOPLE LIVE MUTED EXISTENCES... People so often live muted existences because they don't have courage. That is one thing that I respect so strongly about Real Social Dynamics! Each one of our crew had to exhibit an extreme amount of courage, and for their hardwork, life will and has rewarded them handsomely.
Yet, I see it so often that people get stuck in a comfort zone. A typical scenario could be making 100K a year, with a decent level of health, and a relationship that is just ok. And they never move forward, they never really express what's on their minds but they never really get upset either. So they are in this in between zone. They have in essence a muted existence, which makes for good worker bees. But who wants that? I know no one who is reading this wants that. Why? Because we each have a potential with us that is so great, and that we have experienced at times. That makes us believe that we do have more within us. If you see some people as they age, they keep reflecting back to their younger years. It's because in those years they were willing to take risks, fail, live crazy lives, take on challenges that they didn't think they could have. Yet, somewhere in life, we stop taking those challenges, and we stop believe in them ourselves. And that is where we lose our power. Then we let doctors, the media, advertisers, friends, family, and religion take over the way we think. Each one of them leads primarily by fear! RATHER THAN LIVE A LIFE OF REGRET, UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE GROWING AT ALL TIMES. I think very often people live in regret because the perfect life that had pictured growing up was never fulfilled. Yet, what they don't realize is that it was part of a bigger plan. Remember, life's delays are not life's denials. Sometimes you need to grow other areas of your life in order for you to get to the next level in your life. That's kind of like the businessman who has tried everything (or so he thinks) to get his business to the next level, and then meets a girl, falls in love, and then his business shoots to levels he never thoughts possible.
Sometimes not getting what you want is the best thing that could have ever happened because then you wouldn't have thought that you needed to change. PEOPLE SOMETIMES WRONGFULLY BASE THE QUALITY OF THEIR LIFE ON THEIR EMOTIONS... And people base the quality of their life on their emotions, when it's so much more than that. It's just that you feel the emotions, but you don't see the other areas. So just because you felt particularly well in one area of your life, does not make it the "best" time of your life. It really means that you felt the best. And while there are clues on what to do to experience those emotions, and we shouldn't deny our powers to feel absolutely incredible every single day of our life, we don't want to delude ourselves into thinking that when we feel our best that we are in fact at the best point. MASTER MEANING ALREADY... Next, I see a lot of people who confuse meaning. People may say that you're not living in reality if you give things a better meaning. But if you take a closer look at life, you realize that 95% of the negative things you assumed, never actually happened. So you are in fact, living *out of reality.* The last thing to mention is that a master of life, is a master of meaning. Look at the Dali Lama, he has mastered meaning and anyone who meets him claims that they feel happier themselves after being around him. WATCH OUT FOR YOUR INSECURITIES, THEY CAN RUIN YOU! People get so insecure. Why? Because we all have egos and we're constantly comparing ourselves to others to see how we're doing. Even a guy like Kanye West admits that he is insecure. A lot of people will say the one thing about him "He's an awesome artist, but he's kind of cocky!" Why? Because he is constantly comparing himself to others (my obvious interpretation).
So, what is the solution. Well, some of the greatest performers on the planet, all say that rather than compare yourselves with others, compare yourself with your goals and the best you can be. And learn to appreciate other people for being their best. Guys go out to clubs and get all insecure when they see their girl getting attracted to another guy. Rather than respect the fact that guy is an attractive guy and trusting his girl not to do something wrong. Can anyone be influenced... If you're scared she's gonna cheat on you, then you got another story! And yes, with enough persuasion, you get almost anyone to do anything. But, as an adult, we can remove ourselves. Say, we took the guy that founded the Sandler Sales system, one of the most powerful systems for selling. And we put an individual in the room, chances are that he could probably get you to buy whatever he is selling. But, you have to be adult enough to excuse yourself from the situation. SO GOING BACK TO INSECURITY... We will perpetually feel insecure in our lives if we lead our lives with our egos. If we lead with our egos to become the "best" (which is a subjective term much of the time), we're gonna be in fear that someone is gonna overtake us and we're going to have to trashtalk our competition. The funny thing is that when you do this, you induce reciprocity. So eventually, people are going to trash talk you. And it becomes a lower level of existence. Or, the other thing I've seen people with egos do (or I should say people driven by egos) is that they delude themselves and others into believing that they've accomplished more than they have. You'll hear them have to repeat the same thing over and over again to maintain this "propped up" state of an ego. The key is to be your best and to continually refine what it means to be your best and continually improve.
This is "kaizen," the Japanese term for continual improvement. WE ALL NEED EXTREMELY LARGE EGOS... BUT. We all need to have egos, typically the world is dominated by men with extremely large egos. So have one and make it big, have a desire to operate on a worldclass level. Just realize that if you let that drive your life, then you're going to get insecure and do a.) trash talk your competition, b.) lie to yourself and others about your accomplishments, or c.) live in a perpetual state of insecurity. I give you respect if you read this far because it says a lot about your commitment to living the life that you desire or that is possible! -Geoff
Tall Hair
by jlaix Ok, since TD STOLE the hair from ME, the ORIGINATOR, who developed it in SF'99... I must clarify the correct product to use. Do not use this clay or wax or whatever. It will hold it, but not HIGH for LONG PERIODS of time. And what you are looking for with the jlaix hair is HEIGHT and LONGEVITY. My hair is higher than dude's and will stay that way ALL NIGHT. I use a super lightweight Shaper aerosol spray to get the height, then once it is up, shellack the fuck out of it with Paul Mitchell Freeze and Shine spray to keep it there and get it all shiny. Blow dryer is
definitely required, preferably one with a "cold shot" option to flash freeze the shit in place. There you go.
Recipe for traditional tall hair: Step 1: Do not remove previous hairspray while showering Step 2: While hair is damp, spray with Sebastian Zero G hair spray Step 3: Using fingers and blowdryer, hold hair upright while blowdrying to make it hold Step 4: Once height has been achieved, "shellack the fuck out of it" with Paul Mitchell Freeze and Shine. NOTE: At a certain level in his game evolution, Jeffy stopped using such girly scented hairsprays such as the Sebastian. NOTE 2: NEVER wash out old hairspray from hair. Excess product must be visible on the hair at all times.
Thug Lovin
[edit]by jlaix "Hey guys. I'm doing a poll. Which is superior... which do the ladies prefer more... THUG LOVIN'? or... GANGSTA LOVIN'? Well, my gf from work said gangsta because its more hard-core whereas thug lovin is more like a hobby. But my other gf said gangsta would be disrespectful, like they'd pistol whip you and run a train on your ass, whereas thug lovin, the dude is hard, but when it comes to the ladies, he's smooth and sensitive... blah blah blah..."
Attack Kitten
[edit]by jlaix You are so cute! You are like my little ATTACK KITTEN. Like, a furry little attack kitten with a big oversize collar on, you can protect me when the Sexual Predator Ninjas drop down from the ceiling... POUNCE! Can you pounce? Yeah. I feel so safe wif my wittle attack kitten around. I'll even get you a personalized food bowl with Attack Kitten Food.
My Little Pony
[edit]by jlaix "Hey, guys... remember that shit 'My Little Pony'? Well, I was thinkin about this today, and I can't remember... did they have powers? Like, I remember they could fly, but I thought they also had little symbols on the hip or something that gave them powers, but they were like, lame-ass powers like Sharing and Honor or some shit. My little sister used to have them and I'd play GI Joes with them, like, GI Joe would fly into battle on My Little Pony, then blast Cobra with a fuckin machine gun blah blah blah..."
Edit: I read recently that someone speculated that My Little Pony was really all an analogy for a lesbian separatist colony. Think about it. There were no males. Never. That, and they licked each other like thirty times an episode. Or so I've heard. -Slade
Sexual state redux
So I'm on a goddamn roll these past few weeks. Bang bang bang. Every day I'm banging, usually multiple women. The overall effect of this has oddly enough been to
make me MORE horny. I walk around in a perpetual state of arousal, I will fuck anything that catches my eye. I feel like a fucking SHARK with a boner. Girls can pick up on this. Add a professional level of smoothness, game and value and all doors are opened for you. Life becomes a smorgasbord of women, for you to pleasure and enjoy. I love all of these women, I am a rake, I give them incredible emotional and physical highs, and I am completely honest with them about my behavior. But I'm getting off track here. Thing is, I frequently see guys running great textbook game, but there is no passion behind it and consequently they get nowhere. It's like they are so caught up in the technical aspects of gaming that they lose sight of the end goal... THE PUSSY. The hot, kissing, licking, fucking, banging, etc. This is what we are in the game for, gentlemen. NOT to get some chicks giggling at your awesome C&F lines. Many men today are totally pussified. Choded out. They are ashamed of their desires. Heaven forbid a woman thinks you want to fuck! Many guys deal with this by going overboard with "active disinterest," taking it to the point of asexuality. Can you say, "Platonic Friend Zone?" I knew you could! Last night, I'm sitting at the bar and a VERY cute chick with glasses sits next to me. I casually turn and say, "Hey... do you like douchebags? I am one. Will you be my friend?" She says, "No. Are you going to buy me a drink?" I reply, "Nah... maybe if you make out with me." She goes, "No way!" I shrug, totally unreactive, and say with a smile, "That's fair. Blah blah blah" and roll into standard game. Thirty minutes later, I am engaged with hyper focus, my face close to hers. We're in our own little game bubble, and I am suddenly and powerfully gripped with the desire to manhandle and fuck this girl until she screams in ecstacy. My eyes tell her this. She understands. I pull her in by the waist gently but strong and start hardcore makeout. She is breathing heavily. I pull away. Her friends come to take her home, but before she leaves she number closes me. This shit is on for sure yadadamean... this how we do yo.
Take a look at your own game. Are you being sexual enough? If not, make a conscious effort to MAN UP. This game is NOT as complicated as many make it out to be. Remember that women are, in my experience, HORNY AS FUCK. All these pussychodes running around make them extremely frustrated, they just want to get bent over, as Tim always says. But there are also a lot of horndogs out there with no game. Be the best of both worlds. Get your game tight, but remember: there comes a time to forget the lines and the bullshit and just go CAVEMAN. My general attitude is, "I'll fuck you RIGHT NOW girl, just say the word and strap in for the ride of your life. If not, no big deal, I don't care. It's totally fine and we'll still be friends. But know this... I ain't no muthafukkin joke." Man, I gotta go fuck RIGHT NOW. My shit is getting chafed.
American Billionaire
PORTO CERVO, SARDINIA I step out on the balcony, squinting against the fading sunlight of the afternoon. The scene before me is spectacular: a cozy marina tucked amidst green hills and valleys, unspoiled by man save for the numerous low-slung buildings with adobe-tiled roofs. Live music wafts over gently from across the water. Looking at this, you might think you were living in some sort of mystical realm from days of yore, except for one thing: the harbor is filled with gargantuan, multi-million-dollar yachts. This is Italy's Emerald Coast, a ridiculously exclusive holiday destination for megaballers the world over, from Saudi princes to Jay-Z. I'm here with my boys on the RSD Executive Retreat. Twice a year, the crew gets together in some exotic locale to catch up and get a little much-needed R&R. This, in my opinion, is incredibly valuable, and one of those little things that set our company apart.
With coaches scattered all over the globe, we don't often get the chance to hang out and just shoot the breeze. The Executive Retreat makes that a possibility. It's an opportunity for us to exchange new ideas about the game, new developments we've made in our individual programs, etc. Think of it like a brain trust, a mastermind group. Whatever. Anyway, this summer we've chosen Italy, and it's been awesome. Ten days of pure relaxation, sipping on flutes of prosecco by the pool, checking out some of the world's most famous cultural icons, and just unwinding after six long months of flying around the world doing back-to-back Bootcamps every weekend. Logically, I shouldn't have a care in the world. But in the back of my mind, there's a nagging little 'something' that I can't shake. Two weeks from now, I've got to run a Bootcamp in Rome. I know what you're thinking. "Yeah? So what? You've done hundreds of these things... how is this any different?" Here's the deal: thus far, my experience in the clubs here has NOT been pretty. Nobody speaks English (shocking, I know). Verbal game is rendered useless; all you can do is launch the CLAW and hope for the best. Nonetheless, we've been slogging it out like good little soldiers, and generally going down in a blaze of glory, as the song goes. Basically, my approaches have been looking something like this: walk up to Italian girl, CLAW, it opens, she realizes I'm an American that can't speak her language, blown out. Wash, rinse, repeat. But you know what? That's all fine and dandy. I've long since divorced any sort of emotion from my success or lack thereof in the field. And partying hasn't really been the focus of this trip for me anyway... I came to relax. When your entire LIFE is game, it's nice to just chill out for a while. Necessary, even.
In two weeks, however, that's not going to be an option. In two weeks, I will be going out with some fine gentlemen who have expended considerable resources in order to be taught this skill. It will be my job to inspire these men, to show them how a real playboy GETS IT DONE. And I'll have to do it without verbal game. -gulpI think back to 2003, when I first joined up with RSD. I was an unpaid "guest instructor/trainee" and to be honest, at times I felt pretty lost. For the first six months or so, I was kind of treading water, just hoping that nobody would notice that I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Over time though, I learned the ins and outs of Bootcamp administration. Make no mistake, there's a very unique skill set that's involved. You need to see exactly what these people are doing wrong, and you have to know how to fix it, fast. When they ask you a question about girls on the street, the dance floor, hell - the moon - you'd better have an answer. It's not just that though. Your students expect you to sort them out right down to the level of core self-image. When they get scared, you have to reassure them. When they get down on themselves, you've got to pull out your best Braveheart impression, CPR their ass out of it, and get them back in the fight. When they freak out because your advice hits too close to a nerve - and sometimes it will - you need to chill them out while standing your ground. If they don't learn because they can't see past THEIR OWN EGOS - it's YOUR fault. Whatever goes wrong is always YOUR fault. Always. And that's fine.
Some people wonder why it's so expensive to take a Bootcamp; I wonder why it's so cheap. And that's one night of one Bootcamp. I've been doing this three nights a week, every single weekend. For four years. I'll say it again. That's FOUR YEARS. That's the kind of pressure that either breaks a guy or makes a guy. I'm proud to say I've done more than survive it... I've thrived. Now, I'm so proficient it's literally SICK. I could (and HAVE) run a program with two cracked ribs, food poisoning and a 102 degree fever and still get them a good result. I'm a professional, plain and simple. Regardless, even after four years, the bottom line in this biz is still "produce or go home." It always has been, unequivocally. No matter how seasoned you are, you never have the luxury of having an "off night." If you have a bad night, the student will have a bad night as well. If you mess up, thousands will hear about it online. In graphic detail. At length. Three times over. I can't have a mediocre night. I don't have that option. I have to deliver nothing less than inspirational brilliance. And you know what? I'm totally fine with that, too. Rock and roll, deal with it. But THIS, this is something entirely new. Now you're telling me I have to attract girls who won't be able to understand a word I'm saying? Oh man.
In light of my dismal performance here thus far, this Bootcamp could very well turn out to be a disaster. The day of the program arrives. I look in the mirror. "All right, buddy," I say, "Let's do this." In the elevator, my heart is racing. It feels like there's ice melting in my chest. I walk into the hotel lobby and meet the students. Introductions are made, and we sit down to talk. They have that look in their eyes. It says, "I'm ready to learn. I'm counting on you to help me. Teach me." And something clicks. All that static EVAPORATES. A smirk creeps across my face. My eyes narrow. I KNOW. Jlaix is here, bitches. We hit up this open air club on the bank of the Tiber and it's dreamtime. I'm adrift in a sea of gypsy mullets, a parade of ridiculous clothes with no sleeves and sparkly stones on the ass. As if on cue, the DJ drops the ubiquitous club hit of the summer, "Relax" by Mika. The whole trip, every club, bar, pizza shop, and passing car in Italy has been bumping this track. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Be6jlCuMvVQ "Relax, take it easy For there is nothing that we can do. Relax, take it easy Blame it on me or blame it on you. It's as if I'm scared. It's as if I'm terrified. It's as if I scared. It's as if I'm playing with fire. Scared. It's as if I'm terrified. Are you scared? Are we playing with fire?" All of a sudden, it doesn't matter that I can't speak Italian. It doesn't matter at all. My nimbus ignites; I go super saiyan and blast off. I'm spouting straight nonsense. I roll up on them, simultaneously flashing my Giant IcedOut Pinky Ring and iPhone and I yell, "You like American Billionaire?! Yes?! BILL-EEOH-NAIRE!!"
This elicits either massive giggling followed by an almost child-like fascination with the phone, or a disgusted sneer followed by a backturn. "RIGHTO!" All concerns about "looking bad" in front of the students are GONE. They can see how utterly unfazed I am by any sort of less-than-favorable response. I am completely unaffected, swirling through the club with that dumb grin on my face, bopping around, clapping. I'm clearly drawing my state from within, as opposed to from the environment. I encounter a group of sixteen-year-olds with rudimentary English skills, getting wasted on the dance floor. After regaling them with the "American Billionaire" bit, they begin pawing at the phone in a fashion reminiscent of the protohumans in "2001: A Space Odyssey" when they first stumble upon the monolith. I inform them that we just arrived in our yacht with 50 Cent, and we are here to "drill for oil under the Vatican in order to fund our War of Terror." I begin quizzing the blonde about her oral hygiene habits. Flossin'. By the end of the night, I'm off in a corner with a Brazilian girl who happens to have huge boobs, examining her necklaces. "Where'd you get these?" I ask. "Brazil," she replies. I grab her tits with both hands and give her the wolf smile. "How about these? You get these in Brazil too?" The student's chilling off to the side; I wink at him and proceed to make out with her. Nice. See, at the end of the day, my apprehension about the program proved to be unfounded. And on a certain level, I knew that all along, from the very beginning. Let's face it: I'm a bit of a drama queen.
Don't get me wrong, I knew it would be challenging. There was indeed a very real possibility that I would blow the program. After all, up to that point none of my approaches in Italy had gone well. But those approaches were on MY time. If they didn't work out, oh well, no biggie, grab another Peroni and take a nap on the beach. Once that Bootcamp started, however, it was a whole new ballgame. No more excuses. With the students depending on me, I HAD TO make it happen, no matter what the cost. They gave me the LEVERAGE to do what was necessary to succeed. If you're familiar with Tony Robbins, you've probably heard him talk about this. "A lever is a device that we utilize in order to lift or move a tremendous burden we could not manage on our own. In my experience, 20% of any change is knowing 'how to change' but 80% is knowing 'why you must.' Change requires more than just establishing the knowledge that you should change. It is about knowing at the deepest, most basic emotional level that you must change. If we gather a strong enough set of reasons, we can change in a minute something we've failed to change for years. Those reasons--the why--are what provide the leverage. And the greatest leverage you can create for yourself is the pain that comes from inside, not outside. The pain of knowing that you have failed to live up to your own standards for your life. Access enough leverage and there will be nothing you can't change." What you've gotta understand is this: I *chose* to do the Rome Bootcamp, knowing full well ahead of time that it would be challenging... dangerously so. I made the decision to put the program up on the schedule. I put myself in that position intentionally, because I realize that the times of my life when I've experienced the greatest, most rapid growth have been in those "do or die" situations.
Before the program, it was, "Yeah, I should pick up some of these Italian girls. That would be pretty cool." During the program, it was, "I MUST pick these girls up. Right now." If you want to get good at this stuff, you have to find a way to get this kind of leverage on yourself. Otherwise, you're going to flounder around at it half-heartedly and you're just not going to see the results you want. I've been using this same principle since the very beginning of my pickup "career." At age 26, after a series of mind-bogglingly disastrous monogamous relationships, I decided that I'd had ENOUGH. It was time to take the power back. Time to become a player. Granted, my motivations for getting into the game were less than noble at the time, and they've since evolved. Regardless, my mission statement, my prime directive if you will, was crystal clear: GET LAID OR DIE TRYING. I had the HUNGER. I was going to get this area handled, no matter how hard it was or how long it took. It was not a "should." It was a "MUST." I remember those first awkward months of going out and trying this stuff out. Of course, back then there was no RSD; there were no formal schools or professional-level resources available to help guys get good with women. I'd simply read the seduction groups on Usenet and then hit the club, trying out anything and everything and seeing what would stick. And to be honest, not a whole lot did. It was rough as hell. I'd get blown out super hard, with girls calling me a moron, jerk, and any other pejorative you can think of. It was terrifying and humiliating all at once.
After yet another horrible night, I'd arrive home, alone, in a drunken rage, and throw my television out the front window (yes, I actually did that). I'd pace around the house, berating myself. "What are you doing? You're NOT getting better at this, you're just making a fool of yourself," etc. But I kept at it. I didn't quit, because that was NOT an option. I was going to get good at this... there was simply no alternative. And eventually, I did begin to get better. And that's when the game started to get FUN. Like, REALLY REALLY fun. Over the years, as I evolved and matured, I continued to put myself into situations that REQUIRED brilliance, in order to relentlessly push myself further. This is related to the CLOSER mentality. It's the attitude that separates the great from the merely "good." You've got to make that decision. Start by associating massive pain to your "chode" identity and behaviors, and begin to get excited about your new identity: that of a cool, social, naturally attractive MAN. Chode time is over. NO MORE. At the end of the program in Rome, I say goodbye to my students. This time, there's a different look in their eyes. A look of conviction, with a magical little twinkle behind it all. They've gotten the leverage, and they've flipped the switch. Great things are in their future. The very next weekend, I do a program in London. We're in Tiger Tiger, the cheesiest club in all of London, maybe the world. I'm doing a demonstration for the students, and it's on. I'm pitch-perfect. I befriend the peer group, kiss the girl, get her phone number and eject. The whole thing takes about ten minutes. I walk back over to the students. I ask, "All right guys, did you see that?"
Two of the guys are grinning... hell yeah they saw it. But the third guy goes, "No, I wasn't paying attention. Sorry." I give him a stern glare and sigh. "Damn it, now I'm gonna have to do it again. WATCH THIS TIME." I look around, and very purposefully saunter up to the first set of attractive girls I see. "OH MY GOD YOU GUYS," I say, "you are the most glorious and lovely vixens I have ever seen in my life. I just want to hug you!" I give them a group hug and they're all smiles, loving it. I close in on the hottest of the group and give her the laser eyes. I murmur, "And this one..." I cut the distance and kiss her; she kisses back. The whole thing takes about twenty seconds. And so it goes. When I got back to San Francisco at long last, I decided to take a little time off to recharge my batteries and prepare for the launch of The Jeffy Show. It's been five weeks of reading, reconnecting with my "civilian" friends, going to the gym, writing, sex, cooking, playing Aerobie in the park with no shirt on like my hero Matthew McConaughey, etc. It's been nice. Now my vacation's over. I've got three students on deck for this weekend. And a tiny little part of me wonders, "Am I rusty? Maybe I took too much time off. Am I gonna be able to deliver the outstanding program these guys deserve?" What do you think? Heheheh. Take your passion and make it happen. -jlaix
Deep, Identity-Level Change I'm sitting here at my house, on the back deck, watching the cats chase each other around the yard. It's another nice day in San Francisco, and I ain't got nothing to do but drink a Corona and reflect on what a crazy journey it's been these past few years. Flying around the world picking up girls. Smashed windshields and slashed tires. Threesomes, threesomes, threesomes. And to think three years ago I was just a mild-mannered chump, like the majority of guys out there. It's ridiculous, if you think about it, how in the span of just a few short years I've completely changed my identity from that of a loser with little or no skill at picking up women... to that of a loser with lots of skill at picking up women. Haaa, just kidding, you know I'm a champ. But this got me to thinking (I know, alarms going off) about the concept of IDENTITY and how crucial it is to your success in this game. To give you an example of what I mean, let me describe something I experienced when I first started instructing at the RSD live programs. After I completed the grueling training program to become an Executive Coach, I began running my own bootcamps here in San Francisco. And it didn't take long for me to become completely comfortable in my new role as a "pickup guru," if you will (ugh I hate that term). It was then that I started to notice a strange phenomenon. I keep meticulous records of all my exploits, because in spite of it all, I still think that love is a special and magical thing and I want to remember every girl I get with, even when they number in the hundreds and hundreds. So I'm looking at my score sheet one day, and I realized that since I started doing the programs, I'd been getting laid EXCLUSIVELY while on program.
Like, I'd go out on my own time, and I'd just drink with my buddies, and make the occassional halfhearted pickup attempt, and get a couple of phone numbers. But on the program, all of a sudden there's a fire under my ass. I'm standing in the middle of the club screaming, "I'll make out with any chick in here!! JUST POINT!!!" I'm running around with chicks thrown over my shoulder, I'm pulling back to Club Jeffy every single night. It's ridiculous. It got to the point where I felt I couldn't pick up UNLESS I was on workshop. Absurd, I know. But as I thought about it some more, it started to make sense. This was related to the concept of IDENTITY. What happened was this: when I was out on "my own time," I was just me, Jeffy, a regular guy with some pickup game, but there was no PRESSURE for me to do anything but drink and shoot the breeze with my homeboys. On program, however, my identity changed to that of jlaix, PICK UP INSTRUCTOR, this monster badass with students who took his every word for gospel. A guy who MUST pick up chicks and pull off insane moves. Side note: I would never tell a student to take everything I say to be absolute. All of the Executive Coaches, despite being very good at what they do, are just individual guys. We tell you what works for us, and you take what you like and discard what you don't. Remember the old adage, "Follow those who seek the truth, run from those who claim to have found it." Anyway, with that IDENTITY of pickup teacher firmly in place, of course it's inevitable that I would achieve incredible success. Since realizing this, I've put the power of identity to work FOR me. Now, even when I'm not on program, I harness that identity when I'm out approaching girls. I told you this story to illustrate exactly how powerful identity can be, and how you can take advantage of it to boost your own game.
Your identity and your behavior influence one another. In some ways, it's a case of "the chicken and the egg"... which comes first? Looking back at my own experience, when I first started this trip, I began thinking of myself as a "player" before I had the actual skills. In fact, my freshman year in the game was largely spent re-engineering my identity. So what, exactly, is your identity? Your identity consists of the following things: your beliefs, your values, goals, etc. Ask yourself this: What do you believe? What do you like? What do you dislike? What will you tolerate from others? What do you want out of life? What do you deserve? If you can answer these questions immediately and with conviction, you have a strong identity. However, if that identity is one laden with negative, self-limiting beliefs, you are bound to fail, time and time again. So, how did I go about transforming my identity from that of a chump into that of a champ? It certainly wasn't easy. I'll tell you one thing, it didn't involve sitting in front of a mirror doing affirmations. Not by a long shot. The closest I ever came to anything like that was taping a small list of beliefs to the inside of the medicine cabinet. It was printed with this: 1. I move through this world without apology. 2. I make no excuses for my desires as a man.
3. Women are a dime a dozen, I don't need any particular one. 4. Rejection is a good thing, I learn something every time. 5. Behave as though these are true, even if your emotions mislead you. Great stuff, sure, but the fact of the matter is, these "notes" just led me in the right direction. I could sit there at the medicine cabinet and read those all day and it wouldn't do a damn thing. No, I had to get out in the field and start PRACTICING making those statements reality. I started going out to the clubs several times per week, with my new persona firmly implanted in my head. Of course, at first I wasn't very congruent with it, but over time I began to take on the characteristics of a real-life, bona fide player. Like, I started going to the badass clubs that used to intimidate me. I started wearing the threads of a player, I started ACTING like one. Then, after I'd been doing all of this for a long time, I realized that it was WHO I AM. If you begin with the end in mind, and are dedicated, you too can transform your identity from a limiting one to an empowering one. In other words: fake it 'till you make it. You need to start DOING, and then you will BECOME. Have you ever joined a gym or taken a dance class? When you first walk in, you see all the advanced people, and it's maybe a little bit intimdating. They move about effortlessly, doing things you couldn't do if your life depended on it. But over time, your skill improves, until you eventually BECOME one of those people. This means expanding your ceiling, progressively desensitizing yourself. A typical sequence might look like this: learning to hold eye contact. Saying hi to random people.
Holding brief conversations. Being more assertive. Starting to inject flirtatious humor. Using more vocal resonance and expression. Taking up more space. Beginning to interact physically. Starting to CONTROL the conversations. Getting comfortable with being the center of attention. Going to cooler places, wearing cooler clothes than you're usually accustomed to. Cutting off people's threads, breaking rapport with people. And finally, pulling the trigger and escalating. The thing is, a lot of guys think that "player" is something you "do". This is incorrect. It is something you ARE. Fake it 'till you make it. Once you start to become a player, the behaviors will follow naturally as a consequence. On another note, I think people can sometimes take the concept of identity to unhealthy extremes. Like in the example I gave above where I became so wrapped up with the "guru" identity that I couldn't pick up in a situation outside of that context. It is true that to succeed in this area you need a strong identity. But be careful that your identity doesn't become completely wrapped up in pickup. Know who you are OUTSIDE of the game, and become fully congruent with that, then learn to convey that identity to the girls. That is what will bring you success.
Remember: game is your expression of inner state, conveyed by the rhythms you use to direct the energy of the interaction. The key phrase here being "the expression of inner state." With that in mind, I'd advise you to start getting involved with interesting things to make your core persona more interesting. Sitting around at your parents' house without a job playing Warcraft all day is NOT going to make you an attractive, interesting person, it is going to make you a GEEK. Think about stuff you always wanted to do, that you thought would be cool, but you never got around to. Maybe it's time to go for it. Because ultimately, if you don't do anything interesting, there's no way you're going to magically transform your identity into this awesome, positive thing and become desireable. You have to start doing cool stuff. Okay, food time again. I'm thinkin' chicken salad. Cluck cluck. See ya later. Sincerely, Jlaix
It's A TOUGH RACKET Out There Sunday morning. I wake up in New York City after another crazy night out on Bootcamp. I’ve been here for two weeks. My previous visits to NYC were always done commandostyle: BOOM, in and out in a couple of days. Now that I’ve had the time to really immerse myself in the culture, I can see why people love it here. Alexander and I have been on a rampage, just soaking it up...
Trips to the SoHo bagel shop with the little old lady giving “service with a fawkin’ smile.” Day game in Washington Square Park on a sunny afternoon. Swanky rooftop clubs of glory. We’re running through this piece like the Tasmanian Devil on crack. It’s been tiring, no doubt. But there’s still work to be done. It’s the final day of the Blueprint Superconference here in New York, and I want to bask in some of the Tyler wisdom before I head out on program again tonight. Yeah, that’s right: despite the fact that I’m close friends with the guy and hear him yammer on incessantly about this stuff on the daily, I still want to attend the damn thing. It’s that good. I head down and get some coffee at the Dunkin’ Donuts (when are we getting these in Cali?!) and meander back up to the conference room. Papa’s sitting at the registration table out front, looking intently at his laptop. “What’s up dude,” he says, “the Jeffy page just went live.” He’s talking about the sales copy for the Transformations DVDs. Basically, Tyler had an idea for a campaign where we’d post up BEFORE and AFTER pics of the Transformations speakers, to really hammer home what it is we’re talking about here. (You can see the final page here: http://www.becometransformed.com/jeffy) So anyway, I’m like, “Awesome, lemme see it!” He calls up the page. The photos are, of course, hilarious. Then I start reading the sales copy below it. It’s basically several pages of Tyler making me out to be the greatest thing since sliced bread. Like, I’m God’s gift to game or something. Some choice excerpts: “Over the next several months, we watched in astonishment as Jeffy went from being a “solid” guy in terms of women, to eventually pulling off some of the most intense results we had ever seen.
He was having success with phenomenally attractive girls on a more and more consistent basis, and eventually started getting some of the most top-notch results with women that I’ve ever personally seen… from *anybody*. He’s on anyone in-the-know’s “Top 5 In The World” list at this point. Not only is the guy the “consummate professional” in terms of how seriously he takes his job, but on any given night he’s absolutely unstoppable.” As I read this, I’m a bit taken aback. I’m mean, sure, I’m pretty good… but am I really *that* good? How the hell can I live up to this hyperbole? Tyler’s in the conference room… I hear him talking about how to LORD over the club and have the turbo girls clinging to you. I think to myself, “Am I a fraud? I mean, sure, I’ve done some incredible things, but it’s been a while since I had a real glory pull. What the hell am I doing? This is way over the top. I am a LIAR.” I’m reminded of Alec Baldwin in the movie “Glengarry Glen Ross” where he’s mocking the salesmen on their inability to close… “You’ll be some loser sitting at the bar… ‘oh, I used to be good… it’s a tough racket!” I hand the laptop back and settle in for the Superconference. But I still have this unsettling feeling. I know that the RSD program is the best out there… my students’ RESULTS week in and week out prove it. BUT… “top five in the world”? Am I really that good? Hmmmmm…. Flash forward to that evening. Final night of bootcamp for the guys who were taking the Superconference. These guys are HARD CORE… they’ve put in 14 hour days this weekend, and it shows in their faces and demeanor.
They’re tired. So am I. None of this matters a damn. Time to execute. We take them out to the Lower East Side and split up. Alex takes two, and I take three. Not much going on in the bars here. Oh well, that’s to be expected on a Sunday night, I suppose. We settle into a little boutique lounge; get a couple of fancy pants cocktails and I start to reel off my finest seminar, digging deep. There’s literally nobody in the place except us, the bar staff and a couple of older guys off to the side having a drink. We’ve been there for about twenty minutes when all of a sudden, the doors fling open and these two little hellions swirl in. What the hell… it’s a pair of bona fide nines, all dolled up to the gills for a night on the town in bangshorts and sparkleface. All eyes in the place are on them as they ruckus up to the bar and get their little drinks. They start clinging on the guys off to the side, telling them how good they smell… okay. I turn to the students and loudly proclaim, “Prostitutes.” They look over. The students jump on them, asking, “Well how do I smell,” etc. I just lay back and let the guys have the set, after all, it’s probs the only one we’re gonna see tonight. The girls, however, keep casting these glances over at me as I sit there in the corner, saying nothing. My nimbus is smoldering. “I don’t like that one,” one of them says, pointing at me. “He’s the one that screws it up for you guys when you’re talking to girls, huh?” Everybody laughs at the irony. They start in on me, hard. “Look at his shirt,” the first one says, “you’re gay, aren’t you?”
I sigh. “Why, you looking for blowjob tips?” Zing! They keep at it… talking mad trash. A little alarm goes off in my head. I know what this means. The bigger the test, the bigger the attraction built when you pass it. These girls want me… I just have to stand my ground. The other one says, “Just admit it, you’ll be much happier… you like it up the ass.” “Hey,” I reply, “that doesn’t make me gay!” The first girl sidles up and continues to poke at me. I am completely unreactive. I smirk and look her up and down. Her face gets close to mine. “Feel the tension,” she says, “feel it… feel it…” Closer, closer… Tonguedown deluxe! The other one comes up and wants some. “Commere,” I say… Tonguedown, part two! “Now make out with her,” I command. They start making out with each other. “Now all of us.” Commence three-way makeout. I’ve got my hands down their pants now, this is getting scandalous. The students, the other bar patrons, the staff, they’re all watching this go down with their jaws on the floor. I’m basically threesoming a couple of nines in the bar, surrounded by like ten dudes. The students are stunned, and with good reason. They’re seeing everything Tyler talked about in the Superconference, in REAL LIFE. Like, “Oh, so it actually IS real!” And all of a sudden, it hits me like a bolt from the blue. I remember. “Oh, right. I *am* one of the best. DUH.” Believe the hype, bitches.
I’m literally not doing a damn thing except refusing to qualify myself, projecting 100% core confidence, escalating assertively and exuding positivity, with that dumb smirk on my face. The girls want me to go home with them and finish the job, they’re trying to pull me into the cab. But I’ve got a Bootcamp to complete. Kissy kiss, and they’re off into the night. One of the students is shocked that I decided to stay and commends my work ethic. Hahaha that’s how I roll yo. I’ve had plenty of threesomes with 9s before, this program is all that matters to me right now. I get a text from Alexander: “I have secured our Omega Uniforms. I am at x location.” Not sure what that means, but hey. We all roll off, meet up with the other guys and proceed to destroy some hipster bar. Glory times. The next day, on an airplane back to San Francisco, on zero sleep, I’m contemplating why I ever doubted myself. I mean, sure, the sales copy was a little out there, yeah, but I’m JLAIX. I’ve seen and done things most men only dream of. Not to mention that, but I had gotten laid earlier that week, and for some reason, that event didn’t even register in my head when I got to trippin’. Rewind. The previous month, I was doing a Bootcamp in Austin, Texas, when I picked up a little ginger hottie who happened to live in San Francisco. Hooked up with her when I got back home. I told her about my upcoming trip to New York, and by coincidence she was going to be in Manhattan that same week on business. We agreed to hook up; she was gonna take me to Masa, one of NYC’s most exclusive and pricey restaurants… on her expense account. Nice. The life of a jet-setting playboy of doom.
Flash forward to the Wednesday that it was supposed to go down, however, and she FLAKES on me. Yeesh. Despondent, I start walking through Times Square, alone. I come across a Red Lobster restaurant and give a slight chuckle. I’m always telling girls, as a role-play, that I’m gonna take them on a romantic date to Red Lobster… and rail them up the ass in the bathroom. “Screw it,” I think, “I’m taking MYSELF to effin’ Red Lobster.” I walk in and grab a seat at the bar. How the mighty have fallen. The great jlaix, stood up and eating at Red Lobster. The biscuits were really good. As I’m eating my fine lobster meal, I get a text from Kent, one of the RSD Old Guard. Some kind of karaoke party going down, a going-away thing for one of his co-workers. Says he’s got a 40 oz. all set aside with my name on it. A little sparkle ignites in my eye. I settle up and leave. My iPhone guides me to the location. I get there and there’s about 35 people in this little karaoke room. I’m introduced by Kent and make some chit chat. All good. Then it’s my turn to sing. I pull out the big guns first, shock and awe. “Faithfully,” by JOURNEY. People are like, “whoa.” I’m like, “Thank you, thank you very much. You’re a fantastic audience. God Bless America.” I then ask Kent, “Which ones are single?” LOL. “What about that one?” I point to a cute little nerd in the corner. I love these hot nerds, it’s my new thing. “She just broke up with her boyfriend a few weeks ago.” Oh my god. I hear those little alarm bells in my head start ringing.
I sit down next to her and start rubbing up, right off the bat. “You’re a great singer,” she says. “And you’re like a little fuckin’ angel. Jesus. Give me a hug.” Sometimes, I even make myself laugh. Okay, I make myself laugh ALL the time. But that’s neither here nor there. The party starts to wind down, I‘ve isolated her off to the side for some VERY light kissing- don’t wanna be tacky club makeout guy- then I get the number. I make sure to qualify her, cover all bases. She looks back wistfully as she gets into a cab and goes off into the night. I call her the next day. She has some softball game to attend and says she’ll call me afterwards. Ok. The call finally comes in at around 10:30 pm. We chat a bit and then she gives me this: “Well hey, I’m pretty tired after the game and I have to work at 6am, so I think I’m gonna go to sleep.” I laugh. “Cool. Hey, where do you live?” She says, “Oh, right near 89th and 1st, upper east side.” I go, “Cool, I’m coming over.” “What?! Now?” “Yep, see you soon.” –Click- I hang up and go downstairs, hail a cab and just GO. I get there and call her up. “Hey, I’m here, what’s the address?” She says, “Hold on, I’m coming down.” She meets me on the corner. She’s dressed casually, but you can tell she’s cleaned up a bit. Heheh. Hug and little peck on the cheek. “How about one beer?” I ask.
She agrees and we go to some chode pub nearby. I’m in full rapport mode. Interested and interesting. I whip out the old iPhone and go through my photo routine, some Google Earth stuff, etc. we finish our beers. “How bout another?” She agrees. “With a shot of Jameson this time,” I tell the barkeep. More comfort. I’m filling in the empty canvas of my life, talking about my friends and all that. I tell her a story about Christophe fucking some girl up the ass. I talk about my book. I turn my stool to face her and brush her hair aside. I tell her she’s like a little kitten filled with love and scratch her behind the ear. I rub her hips; I gently rub the back of her knee. “Do you have anything to eat at your house?” I ask. Slow dissolve and we’re in her apartment. I take my shoes off and lie on her bed. We have a smoke and sit on the bed. I talk at length about my novel, “Ichor of the Wolf.” All of a sudden, I go, “So hey, lie down here and let’s make out for a bit.” She sort of freezes up. “What?! Is that your ‘move’?” I smile. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know I need to have a ‘move.’ Do you want me to leave?” Laughing. Very light, not at all bitter or annoyed. I am totally fine with leaving right now, I had a nice time. Obviously I’d prefer not to, but hey… “Well, no,” she says, “but I don’t know… I don’t even know you that well…” Grinning now. “What do you want to know? And WHY?” “Why?!” She relaxes a bit. “It’s just, you seemed a little truculent there.” Oh, a vocab nerd. “Truculent? Actually, I thought I was more PETULANT, but hey.” She lies down. Makeout ensues. My shirt comes off. Her shirt comes off. My pants come off. I go to take hers off and she stops short. “Hey, I thought we were only going to make out?”
I look her in the eyes. “Look. I only want to do this if this is something we’re going to feel good about later. And I definitely don’t want to do anything without protection.” Classic. She looks back at me. “Well… I know this is gonna sound totally lame, but… I don’t want to do it.” I say, “Cool.” I raise one eyebrow. “How about oral?” Then, literally TO THE AUDIENCE, “I wanna lick it.” She’s like, “oh…” as I take them off and go to town on it. After a bit of the de rigueur jlaix maneuvers, she’s pulling on the ears and saying, “enough!” This little nerdgirl turns into a minxy WILDCAT of desire, damn, it was hot. Fade to black, roll credits. Now. When I read that marketing, why didn’t I take into account the fact that I had just pulled off the above feat, not two days earlier? Because it wasn’t really THAT spectacular. A social circle pull, paint-by-numbers. Social proofed, demonstrated value, qualified, followed up hard, led the interaction, built trust, systematically defused token resistance with a willingness to walk. Right out of Billy-Bob Whatshisname’s Seduction Ebook. Contrast that with the glorious Sunday night encounter where it was PURE NIMBUS POWER with a threesome twist, in full view of spectators. Smashing their reality, boggling the mind. Here’s the point: Looking back on my “career” as it were, I have a lot of those insane, spectacular pickups in the mix, sure. But the overwhelming majority of my lays have not been all that unusual. To the contrary, nine times out of ten, a successful pickup is going to be TEXTBOOK. You meet her, she likes you and you MAKE IT HAPPEN. That’s how this stuff works.
A lot of guys tend to get caught up in the glamour and the myths of Herculean pickups from mighty Valhalla, and you know what? That’s fine. That’s naturally gonna be the stuff that gets the most attention. People WANT to hear about those miracle pickups, because they’re inspiring… the stuff dreams are made of. In reality, the FUNDAMENTALS are what matter the most. Knowing what to do, and sticking to the script. Executing. When I hooked up with that Minxy Wildcat Nerd, obstacles popped up at every step. A lesser man might have thrown in the towel. But because I knew the fundamentals and had a solid base of experience and reference points, I was able to defuse every one and take it to the hole. Pun intended. I despise vulgarity. I didn’t cave, and I didn’t sweat the process either. Because, like our friend Alec Baldwin said above, I’m ALWAYS CLOSING. People sometimes ask me what the difference is between a guy who is merely “good” at this stuff and one who is GREAT. The answer: the CLOSER mentality. As Alexander says, “I’m not here to fornicate arachnids.” We’re gonna get a RESULT, come Hell or high water. Period. I didn’t become “one of the best” overnight. I wasn’t always this RELENTLESS CLOSER. I was a typical, normal dude five years ago. A dude who’d slept with 8 women by age 26. I didn’t just decide one day to be some badass player and POOF my wish was granted. No, I had to slog it out and learn from the ground up.
And through tireless study and COUNTLESS interactions, I began to internalize those fundamentals. With each “textbook” success, the new identity of a MAN who is successful with women became more and more grounded, more CONGRUENT. And after a time, it just became WHO I AM. End of story, no more questions, thank you very much. It was BECAUSE of those fundamentals, BECAUSE of all those “textbook” successes, that I was ABLE to pull off the “glory stunts” that get the marquee headlines. I have faith in the nuts and bolts of a pickup, I have unconscious competence, I have presence. I can focus on letting my nimbus shine. That’s what happened on that quiet Sunday evening with the Manhattan nines. And all of this can be attributed to all those years I spent in the “Textbook Trenches.” This is why I always tell my students at the end of Bootcamp, “Your goal in the upcoming months shouldn’t be perfection. It should be CONSISTENCY. Because if you’re consistent, the results are inevitable. Don’t sweat the process.” And in the end, as I considered all of this on my flight back to San Francisco, my home, I began to get a little misty, and I had to laugh. Because I knew that I had been foolish in worrying that I was a “fraud” or whatever. See, for a long time, I depended on external validation to prop up my sense of selfworth, as so many of us do. I pulled a stripper in front of a crowd of stunned onlookers and had a threesome with her, great… I’d feel good about myself for about 72 hours. Then I’d need to pull off some other crazy shit to keep the story alive. Ultimately, it was like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it. It wasn’t until I turned my focus inward that I found the solution. Until I dialed my sense of values, my sense of PURPOSE, determined WHO I AM and WHAT I STAND FOR. Until I discarded the ego, and reconnected with my long-lost SELF-ESTEEM, that the bucket with a hole in it became an endless well of pure, clean water. Water that I could share with everyone.
I’m not “absolutely unstoppable” because Tyler, or anyone else for that matter, says I am. I’m absolutely unstoppable because *I* KNOW that I am. I give value, I’m a closer, and I’m coming from a place of CORE CONFIDENCE. It’s inside of me. And it’s inside of you. Ignite your nimbus, and let it shine, baby. Glory times. -jlaix
The "Now" Is All There Ever Is... Check it out. I already got more nicknames than my boy Marshall Mathers... but now I done gone and got myself a new one: "Skate Dad." Well golly shucks. That's right: at the young age of 31, I've taken up skateboarding. The guys joke that I'm like that old guy that tries to be all cool and down with hip and trendy youth culture... he's got a pink mohawk, standing on the porch giving a thumbsup and yelling, "HEY DUDES! RADICAL!!" while the kids just sort of look at each other and shake their heads in embarrassment. One thing that I'm always doing is pushing myself to learn new skills. It's that philosophy of constant and never-ending improvement, striving to become a more well-rounded person. If those skills happen to involve some kind of athletic activity, all the better. In any case, an interesting side-effect of all this is that it keeps me tuned in to the mentality of the layman. When you first attempt to take on a new skill set, skateboarding, pickup, whatever, there's invariably going to be a learning curve, the beginning of which is typically quite frustrating.
When you've been doing something for five years, like I've been doing with this pickup game, it's easy to lose sight of that. As an Executive Coach with Real Social Dynamics, I've got to take guys who are more often than not full-blown novices, and get them up to speed in the course of 21 hours... week in and week out. By continually taking on new challenges, it helps me to stay grounded so that I can better understand what my students are going through when they take a Bootcamp. Being in touch with that "layman mentality" helps us to connect, and that's something that's vital when you're dealing with an intense self-actualization experience like a Bootcamp, if you want to maximize results. So anyway, when you're learning how to skate, the most basic thing you need to know is how to perform an ollie. If you can't do this, you have no business calling yourself a skater. It's that simple. This is where you jump and you pop the board up in the air with you, without grabbing it. It's the basis of almost every other trick in skateboarding. You have to jump, pop the tail, slide your foot to the front of the board to bring it level, and then land it flat. It might sound easy, but it's not. It's all about timing, and the timing has to be PERFECT. I mean, when you're first learning it, it's TOUGH. It took me two weeks of practicing several hours every day before I could do it STATIONARY. Two weeks of falling on my ass over and OVER again, getting back up, and trying again. Jump, fall off, the board shoots out, etc. But every single time, I'd get back up and immediately try again. It's hard work. I'd stand there, sweating like a pig, breathing heavily, bruised up and at times getting extremely annoyed. But something COMPELLED me to keep going. Because while all this was happening, I'd get these little flashes of insight. Like, I'd fall off, but I'd get a glimpse of how it was SUPPOSED to feel. And *that* is what kept me going.
"Now we can end the story right here But shorty didn't quit there was something in the air Yea, he said it was something so appealing He couldn't fight the feeling Something about it..." And then one day, finally, it happened. I GOT IT. I put it all together, and hit the trick. You know, when you just KNOW. "Yep, that was it." It felt so smooth, so natural. It felt like MAGIC. And that's when I knew I was hooked. Learning the pickup game is remarkably similar. You go out to the club and try it out, and at first it's this epic uphill battle, with blowout after backturn after blowout. Slowly, however, you start to understand what needs to happen. You keep at it, and you start to have success, albeit in a limited way. After a while, you internalize the necessary principles more and more, and you eventually get to a point where it becomes almost unconscious. One minute you're over here, leveling through life with a skill set that's not quite there, and the next moment you have this breakthrough where you're off to the races and your inner player is awake, alive and taking care of business. Next thing you know, you start "feeling yourself," and you begin to get a little more "swagger in your style." You start pulling off more advanced stuff. And you start having a hell of a lot of fun. I've always said this game is a KNACK, like learning to snap your fingers or whistle. It's admittedly a lot more complex than that, but it's still a knack. With practice, the skills needed to approach and attract a woman you've never met before get hardwired into your kinesthetic memory. Those neural pathways become strengthened and thickened, bit by bit. Skateboarding, pickup, whatever... it's essentially the same process. The difference is, when you fall in this game, you don't get a cool scar. Sometimes, you just get straight fucked.
SAN FRANCISCO, earlier this year. I've just gotten back from Australia and I'm due to spend a while here, at home. I've been rolling around the clubs, meeting people, enjoying myself. So I get this girl's number and call her up. The first date goes well, we end up back at her place, things get pretty intense but I don't close the deal. She's just not ready, and that's fine. I leave feeling pretty chipper, I'm walking on sunshine. About a week later, we go out again. I meet her for a low-key dinner. As I walk into the place, I see her sitting there, and she's looking hot like a tea pot. Damn. We kiss and settle in for the meal. During dinner, things are going better than I even expected. It's like the heavens have parted, little cartoon birds are flying around our heads and smiling. It's perfect. So it's getting time to leave, and she says, "Hmmm, it's still pretty early, what do you want to do?" I go, "Well, we could go out to the karaoke bar." I hesitate for a second. "Or... we could go back to your place and I could fuck the shit out of you." Something instantly changes behind her eyes. I know I've made a critical mistake. DURRRRR Dumbass!! We drive back to her place in my car, listening to chodely lite rock. There is an odd, somber vibe in the air. As we pull into her driveway, she turns to me and says, "Sorry, I can't let you come up." For a moment, I wonder if (vainly hope) she's joking, and I laugh, "Hahah, yeah. Anyway, let's go." She says, "I'm serious." And I know... that's that. "Done, son!" I sit there, stunned, saying nothing with a wan smile on my face. The car is silent except for the radio, which is playing "Africa" by Toto.
doo doo doo doo doodoo do doooooooooooo (boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop) ... It's interminable. Finally, she breaks the silence. "What's going on? Are you speechless? Upset? Listening to Toto? All three?" I sigh and continue to stare out the windshield. Ten seconds pass. Eventually, I sort of murmur, "No... it's fine." I get out of the car, walk around and open her door. "You have a good day tomorrow." She gets out and I give her a little kiss. She looks sad. "I'm sorry," she whispers. "Me too," I say. I am. I get back in my car and drive away. / In the car, I am distracted. So much that I can barely even drive. I'm confused. I feel like something inside of me has been DESTROYED. I am *HURT*. I know what I did was wrong. I was miscalibrated. That certainly wasn't the first time I'd uttered that particular phrase over dinner; a different girl would have laughed her ass off at the comment and pulled me back to her place for wild times of love and glory. Many have. She, uhhhh... she DIDN'T. I had misread the play, and badly. Right before I said it, I'd hesitated. A familiar alarm, installed fastidiously over my five long, hard years of field experience, had gone off... "DO NOT SAY THAT!" But I disregarded it. I went ahead and said it anyway. After all this time, I should have known better. When that intuition hits, you trust it.
I didn't, and I paid the price. Sure, maybe I could have saved it by being unreactive and leading when we got back to her place, but I sort of didn't even want to at that point. I'm dazed and stunned. It's been a long time since I fucked up this bad, and I'm in a state of shock. It all happened so quickly. I mean, I thought this girl was ON MY TEAM. Up until my vulgar little remark, we'd had a great connection. It was legit. It was like we were in our own little bubble of love or something. How could she do this to me? To US? The fact is, I screwed up. It happens. It was only ONE error, but sometimes that's all it takes. When all is said and done, there are rules to this game and if you want to win, you've got to play by them. No matter how much you think she's into you, no matter how much she IS into you, if you give the wrong stimulus, you're going to get a poor response. Garbage in, garbage out. Why does it hurt so bad even though I KNOW this? What's really going on here? Emotional fitness is an ongoing process. Years ago, when I'd drop the ball or if things went sideways, I'd be fully wallowing in the grip of the angst and anguish, oblivious to what was really going on. Now, even though it still SUCKS, I'm at least aware of what's happening. Nonetheless, as I drive along, the negative feeling is almost suffocating. My mind is doing everything it can to analyze and label what just happened. "She treated me like some kind of scumbag... some kind of criminal!" Suddenly, I'm reminded of our good friend Eckhart Tolle. I sigh and say to myself, "No, Jeff. SHE didn't do anything. Relax." What's really happening, RIGHT NOW? Well, let's see. I'm driving. I'm listening to some cool song on the radio. Normally, under these circumstances I'd be loving life, as I usually do, rolling along with a smile on my face and bopping my head to the beat. But I'm not HERE. I'm back at that girl's house, sitting in stunned silence with her in the car.
It hurts, but by being aware of it, by accepting it now, it begins to dissipate. Slowly. See, this pain is far worse than a busted lip or broken bone. Because it is a wound to the EGO. Our ego is this little story we invent, alone in a hostile universe, fragile. It longs for wholeness, for an end to the Self-Other duality. Sexual connection and intimacy is the highest expression of that "wholeness" that we can experience in the physical realm. At the restaurant, gazing into that beautiful girl's eyes, I felt ALIVE... intense... special. That feeling was magnified by the fact that SHE wanted ME too. We were alone in our own world of love and sweetness. This is why the game can be so exhilarating. When you're getting that validation, it's like the most incredible high there is. But when the girl behaves in ways that fail to meet your ego needs, the pain body flares up, bigger than ever. Tolle defines the "pain body" as follows: "The pain-body is an energy field, almost like an entity, that has become lodged in your inner space. It is life energy that has become trapped, energy that is no longer flowing. Of course, the pain-body is there because of certain things that happened in the past. It is the living part of you, and you identify with the past. A victim identity is the belief that the past is more powerful than the present, which is the opposite of the truth. It is the belief that other people and what they did to you are responsible for who you are now, for your emotional pain or your inability to be your true self. The truth is that the only power there is, is contained within this moment: it is the power of your presence." So when the ego gets wounded in a situation like this, the pain you feel is not something new that's being introduced. It's already there. Many times, when we're gaming, our motivations are skewed; we're using sex and the validation that comes with it as a way to mask that pain.
You have to understand that the "game" will not save you or make you happy. If you think it will, that's when it becomes the drug, the addiction. As Tim says, "Girls are not the golden treasure that will save your life. The golden treasure is YOU." True love is not some external thing. It is INSIDE you. If you really want to get to the highest levels of this game, you have to stop judging yourself. For that matter, you have to stop judging OTHERS as well. In the course of my pickup "career," I've had many craptacular failures like the one here. They happen less and less these days, but every once in a while, they do still happen. And while they surely can (and do) SUCK, these failures have often taught me my most intense lessons. They have helped me to discard disempowering identity patterns. They have taught me the value of having depth, humility, and compassion. They are a part of life, which is, at the end of the day, an essentially ABSURD situation. Not long after The Jeffy Show had been recorded, Tyler asked me to come up with a subtitle for the program. I thought for a moment, and the very first thing that popped into my head was "Advanced Dating Strategies for an Absurd Universe." It just worked. See, a long time ago, back in the early days, Tyler once said to me, "Jlaix, you're not an insane maniac. You're a poser insane maniac. You're just dealing with the absurdity of existence by shoving absurdity back down existence's throat." That statement really struck a chord with me, because this was actually something that I'd been keenly aware of for a long time. Back in high school, I read a philosophical essay by the French author Albert Camus called "The Myth of Sisyphus." Though it was a small work, it made a big impression on me. In the essay, Camus introduces his philosophy of the absurd: man's futile search for meaning, unity and clarity in the face of an unintelligible world. Does the realization of the absurd require suicide? Camus answers: "No. It requires revolt."
The final chapter compares the absurdity of man's life with the situation of Sisyphus, a figure of Greek mythology who was condemned to repeat forever the same meaningless task of pushing a rock up a mountain, only to see it roll down again. The essay concludes, "The struggle itself is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy." If you excessively focus on the goal, that "someday" when you will finally be "good at this stuff," you are reducing the now to a stepping stone. The process ceases to be an adventure, and becomes an obsessive need to arrive, to MAKE IT. It's one of the more difficult things to do, but you have to train yourself to detach from outcome. Always, ALWAYS, draw your state from within. Learn to accept, enjoy and be enthused about the journey. This is the essence of what I refer to as THE NIMBUS. It's happiness. It's FUN. It's a celebration of life. Think of it as your dharma, your duty to GOD. I'm only half joking. The Bhagavad Gita, an ancient Hindu text, says this on the subject: "You have a right to perform your prescribed duty, but you are not entitled to the fruits of action. Act for action's sake, and never be attached to not doing your duty. "Self-possessed, resolute, act, abandoning all attachment to success or failure. "The wise man lets go of all results, whether good or bad, and is focused on the action alone. "A Self-realized man has no purpose to fulfill in the discharge of his prescribed duties, nor has he any reason not to perform such work. Nor has he any need to depend on any other living being." "Therefore, without being attached to the fruits of activities, one should act as a matter of duty, for by working without attachment one attains the Supreme." This game can be frightening, tedious and/or painful, or it can be an exciting and pleasurable pastime. It all depends on the inner attitude and peace of mind (or the lack of it).
I remember when I first understood this. I was leaving Spain after having been there for several months to train Ozzie, who had just joined the crew. During that time, I had worked very hard to change my health situation, both inside and out. Dialing that internal compass had been the last piece of the puzzle, the missing component of my game that had left me with a disturbing feeling of hollowness for so long. As I sat in the cab on the way to the airport, I looked wistfully out the window and nodded slowly. Something had fundamentally changed, and it wasn't just on some superficial level. There would still be challenges, but when it came right down to it, I had WON. I knew it. Everything was gonna be okay. As I pull up to my house after my disastrous "date," all of this is swirling in my head. I feel better. Grounded. There's always next time, and there's always a chance to turn things around. Suddenly, in an odd case of synchronicity, Pink Floyd comes on the radio, and I smile. See, it was Tyler's birthday recently, and I sent him a copy of Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon." Since Tyler was the one that turned me on to Eckhart Tolle, I thought he'd appreciate some of the themes the album deals with. In particular, I felt he would enjoy the song "Time." It's one of my favorites, a true classic. "Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town Waiting for someone or something to show you the way Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain. You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today. And then one day you find ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking Racing around to come up behind you again The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older Shorter of breath and one day closer to death Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines Hanging on in quiet desperation is the
English way The time has gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say" Anyway, the lyrics of the song deal with Roger Waters's realization that life is not about preparing yourself for what happens next, but about grabbing control of your own destiny. To me, this message is CRUCIAL. So many guys sit around doing nothing and say to themselves, "I'll get around to that eventually." Or they endlessly *prepare* and never take action. You see, it isn't TIME that's precious, because time is an illusion. The "now" is precious, because it's what most of us miss. As Tolle says, "It's the most precious thing because it's the ONLY thing." Any work toward planning or achieving goals happens NOW. Honor that moment. This is your only life. Stop waiting around for your life to start. Start it yourself. Start it now. -jlaix Sexual state redux
So I'm on a goddamn roll these past few weeks. Bang bang bang. Every day I'm banging, usually multiple women. The overall effect of this has oddly enough been to make me MORE horny. I walk around in a perpetual state of arousal, I will fuck anything that catches my eye. I feel like a fucking SHARK with a boner. Girls can pick up on this. Add a professional level of smoothness, game and value and all doors are opened for you. Life becomes a smorgasbord of women, for you to pleasure and enjoy. I love all of these women, I am a rake, I give them incredible emotional and physical highs, and I am completely honest with them about my behavior. But I'm getting off track here.
Thing is, I frequently see guys running great textbook game, but there is no passion behind it and consequently they get nowhere. It's like they are so caught up in the technical aspects of gaming that they lose sight of the end goal... THE PUSSY. The hot, kissing, licking, fucking, banging, etc. This is what we are in the game for, gentlemen. NOT to get some chicks giggling at your awesome C&F lines. Many men today are totally pussified. Choded out. They are ashamed of their desires. Heaven forbid a woman thinks you want to fuck! Many guys deal with this by going overboard with "active disinterest," taking it to the point of asexuality. Can you say, "Platonic Friend Zone?" I knew you could! Last night, I'm sitting at the bar and a VERY cute chick with glasses sits next to me. I casually turn and say, "Hey... do you like douchebags? I am one. Will you be my friend?" She says, "No. Are you going to buy me a drink?" I reply, "Nah... maybe if you make out with me." She goes, "No way!" I shrug, totally unreactive, and say with a smile, "That's fair. Blah blah blah" and roll into standard game. Thirty minutes later, I am engaged with hyper focus, my face close to hers. We're in our own little game bubble, and I am suddenly and powerfully gripped with the desire to manhandle and fuck this girl until she screams in ecstacy. My eyes tell her this. She understands. I pull her in by the waist gently but strong and start hardcore makeout. She is breathing heavily. I pull away. Her friends come to take her home, but before she leaves she number closes me. This shit is on for sure yadadamean... this how we do yo. Take a look at your own game. Are you being sexual enough? If not, make a conscious effort to MAN UP. This game is NOT as complicated as many make it out to be. Remember that women are, in my experience, HORNY AS FUCK. All these pussychodes running around make them extremely frustrated, they just want to get bent over, as Tim always says. But there are also a lot of horndogs out there with no game. Be the best of both worlds. Get your game tight, but remember: there comes a time to forget the lines and the bullshit and just go CAVEMAN.
My general attitude is, "I'll fuck you RIGHT NOW girl, just say the word and strap in for the ride of your life. If not, no big deal, I don't care. It's totally fine and we'll still be friends. But know this... I ain't no muthafukkin joke." Man, I gotta go fuck RIGHT NOW. My shit is getting chafed.
A Few Thoughts on Calibration A FEW THOUGHTS ON CALIBRATION: Do you remember the last time you met a truly special girl, got your hopes up, and imagined how delicious she'd be in bed? She wasn't attracted you and -- let's face it -- you feel like it's not fair. She's probably having steaming hot nights with some other guy, but why? If you could only get to the bottom of this, and understand what truly turns girls on, you could have dozens of beautiful women chasing YOU. It's incredibly frustrating. What makes things more difficult is the fact that when it comes to success with women, things aren't always as they seem. It's interesting: a lot of times, when I talk to guys, even guys who are heavily field experienced, many of our ideas and conclusions will come from when we've seen ATTRACTION in sets, and not necessarily from when we've gotten laid. So I've been reflecting on what I've done and successes that I've had and all that recently. Trying to put together what the common threads were. Because it's obvious to me that there are things that you can do in set that generate attraction, but that will actually decrease your chances of getting laid. For example, lying to girls can generate attraction. They freak out and start shooting indicators of interest (because they find you cocky), but they lose trust. Likewise, you can verbally spar very heavily, and that can have mixed results. It might be the main reason for you hooking up with the girl, but uncalibrated it might also generate a situation where the girl shows interest as a way of winning your approval and loses interest once she gets it because she didn't like you.
As Lindsey Lohan says in the movie Mean Girls, "Just because you don't like someone, doesn't mean that you don't want them to like *you*." So often we find ourselves in that situation where we have generated attraction but the girl does not like us, and once we try to escalate she knows that she has our approval and she loses interest. That comes down to calibration, and the WAY that you use stuff. The same can go for doing anything really daring. Like, I can walk up to a girl walking down the street and pick her up and piggyback her. I can even take her drink and start drinking it, or jump into a car full of girls at a stop light. I can do CRAZY SHIT. I can get away with it because I have forced myself to do it and I am congruent with it. And when I do it, the girl will be giggling her ass off, and totally into me. Like attraction through the roof. But I'll have lost trust down the line, because I haven't stayed laid back and chilled and composed. That is why when we hire on RSD field instructors, we need to see them getting laid. Like, we need to go out and pull with them. We're always tempted to hire on guys who can get attraction like above (they are easier to find, and many of them are really cool dudes), but we want the models of game being demo'ed to be something that's getting a very consistent lay rate. There are many guys who can generate strong attraction in set, but their game is what I'd call "loose", in the sense that they are sacrificing composure and being chilled back and smooth, in order to generate that initial interest. That's why it's important to be SMOOTH AS HELL. Super smooth, and chilled back. Like possibly the smoothest you can conceive of. I only learned this in the last few months, and previously I was decent but not exceptional. These days I will generate the same attraction as I did before, but with a higher lay rate cause I'm chilled back. This leads us to the following conclusion...
Never Sacrifice Social Value To Achieve Interest!
If you do, you risk doing so at the expense of losing the girl when all is said and done. The determining factor with whether or not a girl will want to see you again is your calibration. So focus on calibration, not technique. Can you run a great conversation consistently with strangers? If you can't, then you lack calibration. So now here's the big realization I've had recently. This comes from analyzing all of the girls that I've had sex with. Not the coulda-wouldashoulda, but the girls that I really hooked up with. My smoothest successes had the following things in common: => Awesome vibe. We have awesome chemistry and LIKE each other. There is never a situation where the main reason that the girl is talking to me is that she's chasing my validation. That might be a secondary reason (fine, whatever!), but it's not a situation where once she has it she'll lose interest. => Good conversational give and take at some point, which stems from the vibe bringing out the best in both of us. => The vibe is good enough that sex NEVER has to be discussed, AT ALL. We just talk, and the chemistry subtext is EXPLOSIVELY OBVIOUS. Even when I escalate physically, I don't need to verbally address it. => No relationship talk. Most girls have some guy they're seeing (at least), and I don't want it coming up. I don't want relationships coming up at all, in the same way that I don't want politics coming up. I want VIBE. Awesome vibe. I want to be talking about things that are funny, fascinating, and spontaneous. => I didn't do anything over the top to spark attraction.
In all of these cases, it seemed like things "just happened". Of course, nothing could be further from the truth... I had a game plan and was methodically advancing my agenda from the moment I said "hello". Listen, this stuff is easier than you think. The important thing is to quiet that inner dialogue and just FLOW. Caring about the outcome will actually work against you. That internal pollution taints what you're broadcasting. You can't hover across the lake while you're desperately treading water.
Nine Quick Fixes That Will Immediately Boost Your Success With Women [edit]By Jlaix Sometimes, being an Executive Coach for RSD is a lot like being a doctor in the ER. Ever since I started doing this, I've seen guys come to the programs in a PANIC about their inability to open groups consistently, paralyzing inner game issues, terrible fashion sense, and so on and so forth. The equivalent of the gunshot wounds, car accidents and strokes that show up in the emergency room. Along the way, RSD has earned a reputation as a company that solves problems. We like the rep, too... and we're proud that it's been a long, long time since we've encountered a problem with a guy's game that we couldn't fix. And fix FAST. Usually, taking a live RSD program can fix even the most hard-core problems - by pumping up confidence, setting up new belief systems, or straight smacking you up and turning you around 180 degrees, if you're headed in the wrong direction. Sometimes, however, we need to go right to the heart of the problem, and start rearranging things from the ground up.
Often, the problems are just plain fundamental. It's simple to work with clients who are saavy about social interaction. But if they're NOT... it's like starting a race 10 feet behind the starting line. You gotta play a very fast game of "catch up". So, like a doctor quickly checking vital signs, I learned to do a *rapid* check-up on the basics of any "patient". No matter how drastic the problem appears, the *solution* to the problem is usually something EXTREMELY SIMPLE. The basics are the first things to look at. I've got my own checklist in my head now, because I've done this for so long. But when I started out, before I had a lot of experience with different kinds of flaws in guys' game, I had to scramble to figure out what was going on. This checklist you now hold in your hands was created a long time ago... when I was still being astonished at how FUNDAMENTAL most solutions were to bad game. I found this checklist recently, while going through some files. Actually, these were just some notes I scribbled down during a post-workshop debrief at 6AM in London... me and the guys were wide awake, and I had a flight to catch at 8, so we just stayed up until dawn talking game. When I found it, I knew exactly what it was. This list served me very well in my early days of coaching. Nothing whatsoever has changed about the fundamentals, nor will they ever change. So, this list should serve YOU well, too. It's the result of some hard-core studying and experimentation... and also the input from some of the best in the game. Enjoy. CHECKLIST POINT #1: VOICE TONALITY/DELIVERY Aside from body language, this is probably the biggest thing I see missing from most guys' game. The fact of the matter is, YOU CAN'T BUILD ATTRACTION IF THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU!!
You can't mumble and fumble your opener and expect to get a good response. You need to project your voice from the diaphragm. Five years of karaoke training have made this second nature to me, but for a lot of guys, it feels unnatural. Furthermore, it's sometimes necessary to raise the pitch of your voice in order to cut through the loud music playing at most clubs. Don't be concerned about sounding like a Chipmunks Christmas album, it's not noticeable amidst the thumpng bass. Your delivery is important, too. Ever heard a news anchor flub a syllable on TV? It's minor, but because it's on TV, it seems like a glaring error. It's the same in pickup... you're being closely scrutinized, so you need to eliminate all "ummms" and "ahhs" from your vocabulary. SMOOTH. Finally, start paying attention to the rhythm of your communication. Rhythm, expression and sexuality are all intertwined, and it's important to deliver a smooth flow, modulating things dynamically. CHECKLIST POINT #2: SMOOTHENING OUT/TOO JITTERY So often, I see guys roll up to a set and deliver their opener, then start making these weird, jerky head movements. Like, they're having a friggin seizure. The girls are like, WTF?? Or sometimes, it's weird, spastic hand gestures. Or maybe they're just shifting from foot to foot incessantly. In any case, it's not long before the ladies start giving each other that "let's get the hell out of here" eye code. Buh-bye! The point is, these things are subcommunicating a lack of confidence. In other words, while your words might be those of a suave-ass James Bond type, the subtext is that of Steve Urkel. Just take a deep breath, and relax. This ain't brain surgery, Bucko. CHECKLIST POINT #3: BE MORE PLAYFUL Another key one. This is related to #2, in the sense that the perp is taking things way too seriously.
The difference is, in this case, the guy is acting like he's an appointee for the Supreme Court being interrogated by the Senate Judiciary Comittee. All business. Stone-faced. Giving curt, matter of fact responses to everything the chick says. OK, what you gotta understand is that when the ladies hit the club, they are there to HAVE FUN. Not to engage in a job interview. Loosen up, bro. Have a little fun yourself. Don't be afraid to act a little foolish. Joke around. BE PLAYFUL. CHECKLIST POINT #4: FOCUS ALL MENTAL ENERGY What I mean by this is, you've gotta silence the chatter in your head when you approach. The only thing you should be thinking about is what's unfolding as you go in. Not what MIGHT happen or what COULD happen. Consider this: a social interaction is a living, breathing, dynamic thing during the course of which an infinite number of things can occur. Given that, doesn't it make sense that you'd need as much "processor speed" as humanly possible in order to perceive what's happening, decide what the proper course of action is, and respond instantly? Sure it does. Cycling through failure scenarios in your head isn't gonna do anything but rob you of that precious brainpower. Worse, that internal pollution is gonna taint the broadcast: you will end up inadvertently giving off an "insecure" vibe. Don't do it! CHECKLIST POINT #5: FRAME CONTROL
Another thing that screws most people up at a fundamental level is a lack of frame control. Controlling the frame means controlling the context and the direction of the conversation. Being commanding. Too many guys will hear an unfavorable comment and just deflate and give up. Or sometimes, the girls will say something negative about them and they fall into it by addressing it. The next thing you know, the discussion is out of their control and they're faced with the distasteful choice of either digging themselves out of the hole, or giving up and ejecting. At this point, most guys do the latter. Frankly, so would I. Best to prevent things from getting to that point in the first place. That means cutting off threads that work against you. That means talking over people who are saying things that don't lead the conversation in the ways you want it to go. Sometimes, it means flagrantly changing the subject with a ridiculous non-sequiter. Whatever works. Frame control can be a difficult thing to learn, but I can't stress this enough: It's absolutely necessary. CHECKLIST POINT #6: MOVE THINGS FORWARD Ever see that movie "Glengarry Glen Ross"? The motto of the salesmen in the movie is "ABC: Always Be Closing". This is the motto of the successful pick-up artist as well. Don't get me wrong here. I don't mean you should go up to women and try to get them back to your place in the shortest time possible. Don't jump the gun... you gotta take things one step at a time. This isn't a race. By the same token, however, I get frustrated when I see guys talking to these girls for hours on end without doing anything to escalate things toward a situation where things get physical. Like, it's three hours in and they haven't even touched her on the arm.
I think a big reason guys do this is because they're afraid to get blown out. Like, they think, "Ok, this is going great, she's laughing at my jokes and we're vibing really well, I better not screw it up by trying to escalate." News flash, man... if they're sticking around, it's highly likely that they know what's going on, and they EXPECT you to escalate. These girls have reasonable expectations that you're gonna step up at some point and take things to the next level. Don't let them down. It's just tacky. Remember, once a girl's attracted to you, there's a WINDOW of time in which you can "strike" so to speak. Once that window's closed, you're done, bro. Always have a direction, and always be moving the set forward in that direction. CHECKLIST POINT #7: FACIAL EXPRESSIONS This one kinda ties in with #3. It's about being expressive. At RSD, we define game as: the expression of your inner state, conveyed by the rhythms you use to direct the energy of the social interaction. Some of these guys I see in the field are talking to the girls, and they look like a marble bust of George Washington or something... maybe that "strong silent type" bit works in certain cases, but we're going for consistency, folks. When I'm in set, I'm mugging like Jim frickin Carrey. Sometimes I'll have this stupid smirk on my face, other times I'll look at them like I'm judging them, other times I'll scrunch up my nose and wink at them. It all depends on the energy I'm getting from the girl. I calibrate and react accordingly. There are XXX muscles in your face (I don't know, it's a really big number), and these let you express an almost infinite range of emotions. Try it now. Go to the mirror and make as many faces as you possibly can. Go ahead... nobody's looking. And if they are, at least you'll entertain them. OK, that's enough. You're scaring me.
I do this frequently as an exercise to keep those expressions queued up and ready to go. Remember: 90 percent of communication is non-verbal, and a HUGE portion of that 90 percent comes from the expression on your face. Trust me on this... it's gotten me laid more times than I can accurately recall. CHECKLIST POINT #8: STANDING TOO FAR AWAY Similar to #6. Now, obviously, you don't want to spook the girl by rolling up and getting two inches from her face right off the bat. That's just asking for rejection, it's creepy. You wanna approach with non-threatening body language. Maybe even a little "active disinterest". To show you're not one of the dozens of needy losers that hit on her every night. BUT! At some point, you have to get closer. It's just a fact. Okay? Nothing is gonna happen if you stay at arm's length... except get your ass thrown into the dreaded "friend zone". You gotta "cut in". I'll usually get all up in their space as soon as I know I've hooked them. That is, as soon as I know they've stopped thinking, "Why is this guy talking to me," and started thinking, "I hope this guy doesn't stop talking to me." This doesn't mean I have to STAY there. I'll back off just as abruptly as I went in. It all goes back to calibration. Give-and-take. The point is, I get in there. ASAP. You should too. CHECKLIST POINT #9: PLAYING A CHARACTER This is a funny one. You see this usually when a guy has a lot of rehearsed lines and so forth under his belt, although that's not exclusively the case. What happens is the guy is saying things that SHOULD sound smooth and cool... but it sounds like he's reading from a script. Like, it's a little TOO cool.
Like an actor in an after-school special about cheesy "players". Not pretty. It's like, when you shoot a home video and you put on some weird "narrator" voice... "And HEEEERE'S the KITCHEN!!!" It's not genuine. You do it because you know this might potentially be viewed by thousands of people, and it's a defense mechanism against being perceived in certain ways. So when guys do this in field, it's the same thing. A defense mechanism. They put out the character to keep their "real" self safe from rejection. Ironically, this tends to CAUSE rejection. Life sucks, huh? Believe it or not, most people (and especially women) have a keen sense of when someone's faking sincerity. Unless you're an acclaimed Shakesperean actor, you're better off being genuine. So that's the checklist. Now, I'm not suggesting you write this thing down and carry it around with you. Nor is it meant to be a comprehensive cure-all. These are just some of the most common mistakes we see guys make in the field, so take a quick inventory and see if you're guilty of any of them. For guys with a lot of experience, it may seem simplistic... but no one will doubt that the basics are what get violated the most. Use this checklist on yourself, until it becomes second nature. And use it when you're doing triage on someone else's sick game. You'll be surprised how often the culprit behind a problem is... the simplest thing in the world Hit Her Blueprint To Spark Attraction Instantly! Here's something that I've been noticing lately in the field that I think has a lot of relevance.
Have you ever been in a scenario where you're talking to a girl and she'll all of a sudden say something along the lines of, "If you do X, Y, Z, I'll leave"? Like, seemingly out of the blue? I've seen it plenty. I used to think this was some sort of challenge to my "alphaness" or something... like, if I did what she said, I'd be supplicating and then I'd lose the girl. What I've come to understand is that this was not, in actuality, some kind of test. It was legitimate. What it meant was that she was in state, and that if you said something to break her state that she would come out of it and her social conditioning to get the hell out of there would kick in. This phenomenon is related to something we at RSD call "blueprints". What blueprints are, basically, are a set of value calibrators and emotional precursors that girls need to feel (usually related to value calibrations in the interaction), in order to feel attraction. This causes them to go into state, and makes them practically lose control over themselves. What happens when you SNAP the blueprint, is that they walk off. This is why many of you who have been in the field a long time have had experiences where you're cool with a girl for a few hours, and something goes wrong and she walks off and doesn't care if she ever sees you again. Like, she almost blocks you out of her reality. It's kind of weird, and frustrating, but there are reasons for this. For example, I remember being in Ibiza on the beach, and there is this girl being a total brat. I was with her for about 6 hours at this point. She's deeply in state, and saying things like "I saw this movie where these teenagers had sex on the beach. I don't think we should do that." Now I haven't kissed her, or done anything other than hang out with her.
But you can feel her subconscious mind is saturated with sex. She's trying to resist it because she just met me, but her emotions are telling her to do it and they are taking over her logical mind. Anyway, this girl is being a brat, and she tries to shove sand down my throat. I grab a handful of sand to shove back at her, and she says "If you do that, this is over". Now most guys think "This is a test! Shove the sand down her throat like she was trying to do to me." No. Bad bad bad. If you do that, she'll lose state because she is more concentrated on the sand being down her throat than she is on what's happening between you and her, and then she'll lose state. Moreover, she may have done that to LOWER my value, in order to calibrate things so that we can hook up. This is counter-intuitive, but is related to female psyche and social conditioning. It's all blueprints. That said, guys are very focused on girls "losing state" as if it's a continual fire they have to keep fueling. This is SORT OF true, but not really. Because if your value is high enough, her mind is still working overdrive to keep rapport with you, so laying back is not an issue. For guys who do not have this social value though (yet), then they may not be so easily able to lay back, because then the girl will just be like "Umm, he's not that cool, and this has lost my interest, so I'm going to chase the next shiny thing." With blueprints, girls are evaluating behavior patterns (mainly value calibrations), and deciding whether or not to hook up with you (or more likely, early on, just to talk to you, to giggle at you or not, to have big eyes for you or not, to be focused on you or not, to touch you or not, etc etc etc...)
So you might get attraction as soon as you say "Hey guys". They'll be snapping their heads to talk to you, smiling, touching you, before you'd even gone any further. For other girls, they might not even show attraction for 2 or 3 minutes. But then they see something in your behaviour patterns that they like, and POW they have attraction. The key is to stay composed AS IF YOU ARE NOT ANTICIPATING ATTRACTION AND AS IF YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, and to keep leading the interaction until they crack and become contributive. What that means is that you just keep leading the conversation, and expect very little from her other than illusionary input where you actually laid out her answer for her but just added it in as a way of spinning the conversation. A common way that guys blow it is that they expect fast attraction, and then they lose their composure if they don't get it. But the thing is that because of social conditioning, girls actually pathologically deny the existence of what we call "indicators of interest". Like, they'll say "I wasn't attracted to that guy", who they showed major indicators of interest for. That's why guys can screw up if they take a girl out for a "date" at a club. The girl may chat other guys while she's there, and show attraction, but the girl THINKS that you don't know what indicators of interest look like. So if you get all upset that she's chatting other guys, then she thinks you're an idiot because in her mind all that she thinks you saw was her just chatting (even though you saw a lot more because of your experience in the game). So the same goes for when you open, if you don't get attraction. You just pretend like you don't realize it, and keep leading the interaction until you get those indicators of interest. In other words, you are the kind of guy who is confident and not SEEKING interest, which most skilled players aren't - which is natural because they are more informed than the average guy. But it's ironic that the average guy might actually get more success because he's clueless and just assumes that all girls like him, and thus stays in set longer and turns
them around more gradually, like a nice slow roast instead of a nuclear pressure cooker that burns the outside of the turkey before the inside can even unthaw. So what I'm talking about here is also related to a major difference in the inner game of a guy like myself or my friends, and guys who are more green to the game. A guy who is good in field has integrated as a part of his belief system that attraction is just generated by his behaviour patterns, and if the girl isn't reacting properly he doesn't get all "Ohhhh I'm soooo sad" or whatever. He just keeps going. Like, if a girl walks off on me, I'm not thinking, "Ooooohhh I'm such a loser." I'm thinking "If I follow her and start yelling funny stories at her, can I engage a blueprint and make her stop and turn the set around". That is why I will push every set HARD. I am extremely persistent in set. I calculate my sets like with a formula like "I have 30 seconds until she gets to her car while she's running away from me. Can I trigger a blueprint in under 29 seconds??" (note: I'M JOKING... um, sort of.. ahem - don't do this unless you know what you're doing). So for that reason, I'm not getting approach fear or my panties in a knot if I have an off night. I still have off nights, and they are usually dependent on how much I've slept and how crisp my voice is. Also, my mood, which my energy levels including my voice) affect. For the most part though, I can plow through it, and do decent, even if its not amazing. Just so long as I'm cool with that when I go out, I don't mind. But if I go out with high expectations and I have a totally weak night, then I'm disappointed.
Either way, these things will have a huge effect on my value calibrations. Like, if I go out feeling kickass, I will communicate high value. But I'm not a state-dependent PUA either. Like, I'm not one of those "I'm not in the mood" guys who would rather argue for 10 minutes over why not to approach than to just go and crash and burn the set. I'll still go in and just blow it, rather than sit there wondering what will happen. Those guys who tell me "They're not in the mood" make no sense to me because its easier to just go in and blow the set than it is to argue about it and talk about it for 10 minutes. Anyway, points of this whole rant: =>There are blueprints in female psych. =>Whether or not a girl likes you means NOTHING. Just barrel through until she sees something she likes. Do this by leading the conversation until she becomes contributive.
Pretend to strike her In set, when you’re at that playful point in the interaction pretend like you’re going to hit your target. I’ve field-tested this plenty now – and it makes total sense why it works. Pretend like you’re going to strike her in the face. Yeah, it’s fucked, but it works, and there are many reasons why it works. Take your right hand and cock it back over your front-left shoulder (or vice-versa). It’s like you’re getting ready to backhand smack her in the face – hard. Keep jagging it back there (stuttering the arm). Keep cocking it back and forth like you’re ‘that’ close to hitting her.
Maybe bite your lower lip for effect. Get in to it. Have that playful smile on your face. Mini-role playing. It’s not a regular role play – it’s quick, and it’s initiated instantly. At the same time it is messed up. Some AFC dudes who just joined this site are probably thinking ‘what a dick face. This site is mean to women and I love women and I won’t be mean to them like this.’ I love women too…and this is not being mean to them…they like this. My name is 26. Why do I do this and Why does this work? --- Why do I do this? --1. It’s fun – it’s roll playing. Except you’re roll playing a reality that many HBs have played for years. For some, this is their real-life drama. And the ones who haven’t played it are conditioned to accept it from the way they’ve been brought up in society – they accept it and look at it differently than we think. I’ll explain more about this is ‘Why does it work?’ 2. I don’t take it seriously. I’m not a dick. I would never hit a women. They can see this in me. How can I tell? I can’t, but I know that of myself – and that’s all I know. If you know something so strongly about yourself it will come out non-verbally in ways that many don’t understand how to communicate here in a forum like this or for that matter speech. --- Why does this work? --1. Alpha males. Some assholes hit women. It’s lame, I know, but it’s the truth. Cool guys do not hit women. Guess what though? Many women are attracted to assholes. Any guy on this board will tell you that he’s been with girls that have been intimately/romantically involved with true assholes. Those same guys will tell you that they’ve had girlfriends/FBs/etc. tell stories to them about getting hit by those Alpha-assholes.
The messed up thing is those girls either go back for more or it took them a long time to get out of the relationship, which in all cases was their choice to leave or stay. Also, society has conditioned women to believe that some hardcore alpha males hit women. Ignore all the Opera shows and the like that say it’s bad for a sec. Yes, I know it’s bad, and I’m 100 per cent against it. And I’m all for the Shows talking against it. But we’re not watching those shows that much. Society feeds us through television and movies and word-of-mouth. We are getting our references through fiction and real-life. You watch movies – guy hits girl. You watch TV – guy hits girl. You hear from your friend that her BF/Husband just hit her. Right after these instances there isn’t an Opera episode reminding us that this is wrong. We know it’s wrong, but the references of assholes hitting women are too abundant at this point in time. They outweigh the Opera shows. It is programmed in the girl’s head that guys who hit girls are alpha. This doesn’t mean go hit a dozen girls – now you’re alpha. There are many kinds of alpha – and this is one (in societies eyes). You and I know what is right and wrong, but many are at different levels when processing thought. Not every girl is going to go for a guy that’s going to hit her. But at that deep subconscious level they know that this guy doesn’t really care about them, they want to help him because he’s obviously troubled, they want to turn him around. The funny thing is if they ever got to turn him around in to the AFC they’d try to create they’d ditch him, but that’s beside the point. This guy who hits them is a challenge…and that’s what they want. I want a challenge too. Have you ever had a girl that would do anything you say? It’s not cool.
I know many girls will go for guys like us over assholes who hit them any day of the week. So why do they end up with these assholes? Many reasons: the way they were brought up, the friends they roll with, the way they think of themselves, not knowing that it’s wrong etc. There’s a lot of awesome guys in the world. I’m not talking about AFCs (even though you guys are awesome too), I’m talking about us…the guys here on this board who love women and are trying to improve themselves to get the women they deserve. Those women are fucking lucky every time they get with one of us at any point – we’re all quality people. That’s why we can take this deeply ingrained conditioning that many women have in their minds and flip it. We can pretend to hit them. What we’re doing is tapping in to their subconscious, communicating with them at a deeper level. Catering to their belief that alphas strike women. But we do it playfully. She know we won’t hit her. We have that playful grin/smile/whatever on our face. We’re setting our stance that we’re a man in a fun way. We’re trying to elicit emotions here. You are setting off many when a cool guy that would never strike a woman pretends to strike a woman. 2. No one else does this. How can you tell? Look around the club, the mall. I remember on Sunday at Fluid, here in Toronto, I hit up this hot-ass set. There was alpha dudes in the set and all around – bouncer-style alphas. I was very in with this wicked-ass looking chick from Hungary. I put my hand up to strike her and she immediately went in to the roll play, leaned back, put her hands in front of her face pretending to be scared as I cocked my arm back several times jokingly getting ready to strike her. Done. Worked. Effective. She gets it. And she gets it more because she’s hot. This alpha guy who was about three-times the width of me in pure muscle format saw what I was doing and saw that it was working, and like many became frustrated
instantly. Because the set he was working on so hard for so long with his work that got him nowhere was instantly being taken over by me who had been working her for 15 minutes with techniques that he can’t fathom would work in an interaction with a chick. He knows why the ‘striking’ works at a deep level, but he can’t understand it at other levels of consciousness; therefore he lashes out. So, what do most Alpha-AFCs do when they’re frustrated? They look for excuses. This guy tried to play hero with my target and tried to ‘act’ like he wanted to fight me – to defend her honor because I pretended I was going to hit the Hungary chick. Perfect – I love it when it comes to this – now I have him helping me even more! He knows deep down that I’m not going to hit her. He’s just angry at the fact that I was getting somewhere with techniques that to him ‘should not have worked’. He was looking at me like he wanted to kill me, but I didn’t care at all. Why? - I know the more he gets mad and acts like he wants to kill me because of what I did, the more he becomes ‘out of the game plan’ for the Hungary chick. And that’s what happened. I just sat back and watched him get more and more pissed at me until the girls had to defuse him – making him look lame and insecure. I know he’s not going to hit me. I know he wants her to. I know he doesn’t want to fight and risk face. I know he doesn’t want to get kicked out of the club. That club was probably his home – getting kicked out of there would hurt his social life. He was playing an act – like I was. He was roll playing in a sense, but his roll play sucked, it’s not calculated. Things like this happen a lot with weirdoes in the clubs. If I know the guy is a non-factor then I’ll let him say whatever the hell he wants to my target and her friends. I’ll even go to the bathroom and let him run the set for a while. Why? Because I want the girls to see the contrast of a lamo and me. When I’m gone I’m in scarcity mode for them now. And the lamo is in abundance. When the lamo is running the set they get to see how cool a guy I am and want me back even more. They appreciate you.
It’s like anything. The less you have of something you like, the more you want it. Basic psychology that we sometimes forget. The other part is many of people know this, but they don’t put it in to effect because of their strong need for validation. Calm your need for validation. I’m not saying get rid of it. It’s there, many humans love it. I do. It’s healthy to a point. But don’t rely on it. Do the things you want to do with your life. 3. This works because it’s fun. Like David D says, it’s like that Big Brother / Little Sister mentality. We’re out here to have fun right? That’s why I’m here. So let’s make fun of the weird things in life – like striking women. 26 TwentySix Sincere compliment "Hey...are you someone confident to accept a sincere compliment?!!!" "Hee...hee. Sure." "Cooool. Me too!! Hey, you go first. [pointing back to me] Fire away." (I find this works really well to stack as a second routine after the opener - Magnus) Papa: Hey...are you someone confident to accept a sincere compliment?!!! Hot Aussie Chick: Hee...hee. Sure. Papa: Cooool. Me too!! Hey, you go first. [pointing back to me] Fire away. Hot Aussie Chick: Haha + {compliment on Papa's clothes or sense of humor} or Haha + {cummon face} Papa: [if not complimented] Just kidding...[if complimented, skip the just kidding] Actually, I came over here cuz you looked like [compliment +mini cold read]. Here's an example of one of dozens of approaches (even stopping mobile targets with the boomerang effect body language, credit Tyler D). Papa: Hey...are you someone confident to accept a sincere compliment?
Hot Aussie Chick: Sure. [smile] Papa: Me too. Fire away. Hot Aussie Chick: Haha. Well, I like your jacket. Papa: Ahh. You Aussie chicks rock. You know, I just had to stop you cuz you looked like someone interesting to talk to as you look so chill and calm, and someone just had to come over and enjoy the view of the pier and opera house with you. I'm Papa. Hot Aussie Chick: Hi. [handshake] I'm [Chick's Name] This kind of direct approach opened consistently and the game played out well because I'd continue from there with lots of ball-busting, playful kino, and conveyed a lot of fun. Most of the time, I didn't get compliments from the girls, but I'd get something like this rolling: Papa: [credit RJ, Style, and Playboy to helping to create this opener] Excuse me...are you someone confident enough to accept a compliment from a complete stranger. Girl: Well, yeah. I guess so. Papa: Sweet. Me too. You go first. Fire away (sp). Girl: Ahhhh. Papa: Just kidding. You know, I saw you and just had to come by and talk to you as you have interesting sense of style. You look like a little Aussie disco dancing homegirl. It's rocking, kiddo. Girl: Hahaha. Papa: Wow, your Aussie accent is so cute. It sounds like you are singing even though you are just talking to me. You are totally my new Aussie homegirl [wrap arm around chick]. Girl: Hahaaha. Where are you from?
And then the convo continues with the standard push/pull sequences. I would also sometimes follow up the direct opener with opinion openers if the direct approach wouldn't fly, or else I'd introduce myself, and instigate lots of playful kino and jokes. Here, I've been cavemaning heavily with playful kino and excessive pimp talking and girls say I exude lots of sexual energy, but I misinterpret it to me getting to caveman more. The pimp-talk I've been using is stuff that I've been watching Tyler do, where he'll talk to girls in the tonality as if he's the pimp and the girls are their hoes. I do this in much of my sets out here...sometimes overdoing it as I've been having so much fun experimenting with this. Papa: [talking slow and in the ear of the girl as if I'm her pimp] Oh. Yeah...I...love...how...much...fuuuuuun...I am having...here. Aussie Chick: [smiles and giggles at pimp talk] Oh yeah. Don't you find Sydney kind of a small place compared to LA. Papa: [more pimp talk] Ohhhh...yeah...it's so small [push air away]...compared...to....L....A...LA...is...sooooo...muuucccch bigger...but...it's not....tooooo....biiiiigg.....it's just....the right.....size...I loooooove....it...soooo...much. Aussie Chick: Hahahaha [smiles]. Oh...you just exude so much sexual energy. Papa: [more pimp talk] Ohhhh...baby...yeah...you...know...[makes face as if I think I heard her say she wants to fuck now]...what I like...when you get so....to...the point...about sex...[cavemaning her and kissing her]. Aussie Chick: [smiles and laughs] Hey, did you hear what I was saying. Papa: [continues with pimp talk] Ohhh...yea....baby...[goes for makeout kisses]. Aussie Chick: [smiles] Hey, you don't fuck around do you. Papa: [continues with pimp talk, playful kino, caveman kino, push/pull body language (i.e. moving in for more kisses and then pushing her away...and then kissing her for
real), lots of cocky and funny observational comments, and, now and then, aggressively grabbing the girl's drink out of her hand and chugging it...and then returning the drink] Papa
How to kiss Here's one of my prized deadly weapons... 100 Percent Handshake Spin Makeout:
1. Handshake [or High Five first and then handshake] 2. Grab her other hand so your arms are crossed 3. Spin her so your arms are uncrossed and hers are crossed 4. Push her arms over her head and behind hers 5. Let go of her hands 6. Drag your hands down her sides under her armpit 7. Pull her close to you and kiss her I've used this tactic over 100 times without fail. Cheers, Papa
Lying Game Lying Game(Papa) Papa: Alright, let's make a bet about this one...a gentleman's bet. However, I still think you are too much of a good girl. Let's see. How about this...if you can tell a lie to 5 questions that I ask you, then you win. If not you'll owe me a kiss.
HBCockblock: Ok. Shoot! Papa: How many legs do you have? HBCockblock: 4. Papa: Ok. Ummmm. Well, hmmmm. What's your favorite color? HBCockblock: Yellow. Papa: Ok. Well, mmmmmm. Hmmmm. Ok. What is your favorite kind of music...wait, wait...did I already ask you that question? HBCockblock: No. Papa: Hahahahha. I win. I gotcha. HBCockblock: Oh!!! That is so not fair.
Papa
You Are The Hero First off, it's amazing to see all the positive response to the Transformations material. It's great to see people really nailing concepts such as what it means to be a 'sexworthy' guy, as opposed to the others (and the other 99.9% of the 'community'). The people on RSD Nation seem super cool and I hear rumors of Hollywood a-lists being a fan of our stuff. There's no stopping YOU! Anyway champs: I had a quick message from Bayroot that I wanted to share. "Hey man, If you have time to answer this:
I am similar to you in that I pump emotions and I seem to gain a LOT of attraction when I'm with the girls, they're all over me etc. HOWEVER, I don't ever seem to keep this attraction. the next time I see them, I can get them attracted and all over me again, but I don't have them chasing me, thinking about me when I'm not there etc. Is this a problem that you have, or even care about? I'm thinking I may be coming off as the fun/entertaining/intriguing guy Thanks a lot dude" The basic premise behind Bayroot's question is that he is SEEKING to PUMP the girls up in order for them to feel attraction. This is fine and works for a little bit. But it's also fools-gold-results. I used to do this forever... walk over, game game game, oh they like me... POOF they are gone (in 5 mins, 5 days, etc). And I'm left sexless most times. Sooooo. There is no more SEEKING to PUMP the girl's attraction using GAME. That is the old-school. It is also bad for the man's SOUL because it assumes before anything that the GIRL is of HIGHER VALUE than YOU. Why is she of higher value? Think about it. WHY? I can tell you, I've slept with and dated a few hot girls in my time. And they ain't JACK. I mean, don't get me wrong they are damn good BUT... they are NOT the AMAZING GOLDEN TREASURE OF GLORY THAT WILL CURE YOUR LIFE. The AMAZING GOLDEN TREASURE OF GLORY IS *YOU*.
You are the hero in this story. And what a damn fine story this is. There is not a guy reading this who can't bed a hot chick consistently if he sorts himself out. I believe this 110%. What if life revolved around YOU? Not the reactions of some club girl, or girl down the street. Start ignoring them and focus on YOU. REMEMBER THIS: YOU are the HERO in this STORY. Ok so. No more pumping the girls up with game. This is not YOU being the HERO. Only the HERO comes off as sexworthy guys because he understands that in this lifetime the buck stops at HIM. Start being nice to yourself damn it. Don't beat yourself up anymore - this kills the hero. Just accept little defeats and move your ass along! I still do this day think that I got this far because after a failed set (or 100) I would NEVER be hard on myself... EVER. It came naturally because in this game *I* was the hero... not the girl. I just moved on, with a blissful happiness that I was even approaching and moving forward while my chode friends sat and played background. An experiment for you... MISSION DEFAULT: You must master *this* before anything: The next set you do... go up like you would your best friend or girlfriend or someone you have known for years and just say a casual "what's up". No movement, no flailing hands
in the air or anything - just a "what's up"... followed by long pause (see if they try and meet you)... then "you guys seemed cool I had to meet you". THE KEY is in the TONALITY (neutral to breaking) as I demonstrated in Transformations. It is SO IMPORTANT. That's IT. This is what I call the DEFAULT. If you can't get them chatting you off this default approach then adding game is only going to look like entertain/intrigue boy. However if the girls start chatting to you... all good. Start building your game from the ground-up by adding some cool pieces seen in Transformations or Foundations or whatever. Now if they run away (and I mean RUN FOR THE HILLS) it may mean you have to get other things sorted, maybe a cool style (like the guys off Transformations)... and work your ass out in the gym. I don't care what guy you are if you're not in the gym doing cardio if your fat, or lifting weights to build testosterone (and nice muscles) YOU ARE NOT BEING THE HERO. Get to the gym at LEAST 3 days a week you lazy punk. Take care of yourself don't eat all that junk food. You are the hero in this story. Be good.... and REPORT BACK DEFAULT RESULTS word -TIM
Challenge of the default Hey guys.
First off, its amazing to see all the positive response to the transformations material. Im ultra busy right now so dont get to come in here often enough but to see people really nailing concepts such as what it means to be a 'sexworthy' guy as opposed to the others (and the other 99.9% of the 'community'). The people on this board seem super fucking cool and I hear rumors of hollywood alists being a fan of our stuff. Theres no stopping YOU! Anyway champs: I had a quick message from Bayroot that I wanted to share with the board. Quote: Originally Posted by Bayroot hey man, if you have time to answer this: i am similar to you in that i pump emotions and i seem to gain a LOT of attraction when i'm with the girls, they're all over me etc. HOWEVER, i don't ever seem to keep this attraction. the next time i see them, i can get them attracted and all over me again, but i don't have them chasing me, thinking about me when i'm not there etc. is this a problem that you have, or even care about? i'm thinking i may be coming off as the fun/entertaining/intruiging guy thanks a lot dude The basic premise behind Bayroots question is that he is SEEKING to PUMP the girls up in order for them to feel attraction. This is fine and works for a little bit. But its also fools-gold-results. I used to do this forever... walk over, game game game, oh they like me... POOF they are gone (in 5 mins, 5 days, etc). And im left sexless most times. Sooooo. There is no more SEEKING to PUMP the girls attraction using GAME. That is the old-school. It is also bad for the mans SOUL because it assumes before anything that the GIRL is of HIGHER VALUE than YOU.
Why is she of higher value ? think about it. WHY? I can tell you, Ive slept with and dated a few hot girls in my time. And they aint SHIT... (dont get me wrong they are fucking good) BUT... they are NOT the AMAZING GOLDEN TREASURE OF GLORY THAT WILL CURE YOUR LIFE. the AMAZING GOLDEN TREASURE OF GLORY IS *YOU*. You are the hero in this story. And what a damn fine story this is. There is not a guy on this board who cant bed a hot chick consistently if he sorts himself out. I believe this 110%. What if life revolved around YOU ? not the reactions of some club girl, or girl down the street. Start ignoring them and focus on YOU. REMEMBER THIS: YOU are the HERO in this STORY. Ok so. No more pumping the girls up with game. This is is not YOU being the HERO. Only the HERO comes off as sexworthy guys because he understands that in this lifetime the buck stops at HIM. Start being nice to yourself damn it. Dont beat yourself up anymore - this kills the hero. Just accept little defeats and move your ass along ! I still do this day think that I got this far because after a failed set (or 100) i would NEVER be hard on myself... EVER. It came naturally because in this game *I* was the hero... not the girl. I just moved on, with a blissful happiness that I was even approaching and moving forward while my chode friends sat and played background. An experiment for you all... MISSION DEFAULT:
You must master *this* before anything: the next set you do... go up like you would your best friend or girlfriend or someone you have know for years and just say a casual "whats up". no movement, no flailing hands in the air or anything - just a "whats up"... followed by long pause (see if they try and meet you)... then "you guys seemed cool I had to meet you". THE KEY is in the TONALITY (neutral to breaking) as I demonstrated in Transformations. It is SO IMPORTANT. Thats IT. this is what I call the DEFAULT. if you cant get them chatting you off this default approach then adding game is only going to look like entertain/intrigue guy. however if the girls start chatting to you... all good. start building your game from the ground-up by adding some cool pieces seen in transformations or foundations or whatever. now if they run away (and I mean RUN FOR THE HILLS) it may mean you have to get other things sorted, maybe a cool style (like the guys off transformations)... and work your ass out in the gym. I dont care what guy you are if your not in the gym doing cardio if your fat, or lifting weights to build testosterone (and nice muscles) YOU ARE NOT BEING THE HERO. Get to the gym at LEAST 3 days a week you lazy bitch. Take care of yourself dont eat all that bullshit food. You are the hero in this story. Be good.... and REPORT BACK DEFAULT RESULTS word __________________ Tim RSD Executive Coach __________________
Chaos - The new way (and your potential)
Disclaimer: The information below is one guys ponderings from the field. Thats it. If you use the information presented and get your ass kicked, killed or in trouble this is entirely your fault. For entertainment purposes only. Why dont people love you? Why dont you have any friends? Why dont girls even recognise you? Why is there no excitement in your life? Why ... ? Your not CREATING CHAOS. Your playing it too safe. Not enough people DONT LIKE YOU. Now as you will find out this thinking is counter-intuitive but thats the point. Anything in this game that is successful is counter-intuitive. Chaos Creation 101: Fuck with girls and create something out of nothing, get creative. Go absolutely BOMB some sets when you get in the club like walk up and tell girls "I Love You" as the opener and any other retarted stuff. The point is to get KNOWN. Talk to yourself in a PIMP way. Like last night I was out and there was two girls, one I had already been with... and the other looked like my ex GF so im like "oh I can't leave here tonight without banging this girl - I will not be able to LIVE without it". The one I had been with is getting lovey on me and the new one is giving me resistance cos her best friend is in love with me... Plowing through I managed to piss off the lovey one (who ran home) and caveman the exgf lookalike home for sex. No cuddling afterwards, just showed her to the door and that was that. Consequences: Girls will not like you. Guys will fight you. But do you care ? Nope - you think its FUNNY.
The point is people are REACTING TO YOU. When a girl says "I hate that guy hes always making out with a new girl" i see it as an easy ticket to bed. When a girl is PISSED at you she is emotionally reacting to you - this means it can be turned around into something positive. Think about it - how many girls are reacting to your every move? like think right now as you read this how many girls have YOU on their mind for whatever reason? Last weekend I pulled a threesome where afterwards one of the girls cried because her best friend is in love with me and she feels guilty. Yet she will still sleep with me. The nature of women. Remember tht golden rule: THEY JUST WANT TO BE BENT OVER When you see that hottie stunner at the bar remember... she just wants to be bent over When you are talking to your friends mom and shes banging hot remember... she just wants to be bent over When you are wondering wether or not you should go for her number remember... she just wants to be bent over When you are thinking about wether to approach or not (heaven forbid) remember... she just wants to be bent over this sentence should be repeated in your head like a song every time a girl is around "They just want to be bent over" This is what is means to have natural game. You do not give a fuck to the core - and it shows. Social norms are broken. Back in the day people thought the world was flat and anyone who thought otherwise was stupid. Well today people think cheating on your girlfriend is a bad thing... hehe (truth is so do I actually) just making a point. Look at a guy like jlaix - do all people like him... no! when he wears a pink suit out to guys get pissed and hate him - yes? but thats why girls will roll up on him. Lets talk a bit about potential now... a thought to ponder from me to you:
It is easy to look at a guy, with his nice girlfriend and small apartment and say "Jimmy has made a great life for himself". However, it is not known to the casual observer that Jimmy, as does every guy on the planet, had the potential to get harem of stunning model girlfriends... the knowledge (skillset) he could have acquired along the way would lead his life in a new perspective to which Jimmy could have even had the passion ignited to start his own business and become massively wealthy, successful and have a kingdom of great friends due to his built social smarts and skills... this is potential. Potential is and elusive character... because you cannot SEE it with your eyes. You can only see his nice girlfriend and small apartment. It is the unseen - the vision, that is the most important part of the quest for glory. Some of you guys are struggling in this area... so was I. More than you can imagine. But I always had the vision. When I started girls thought I was a literal retard... but I still had the vision. You know what im talking about. Am I saying go and cause a menace to other people? no. Am I saying go and be a cockhead uncalibrated C&F user? no. Am I saying when a guy fucks with you, you should lay him the fuck out? yes. no. maybe. hehe. Be a man. Get KNOWN! thats what im saying. chariot of desire j
Comfort in Set Hey guys, I wanted to share some thoughts I had a while ago... I notice even the slightest shifts in my game... its all a process and shifts can take weeks or months. But it's good to be aware of them.
When i consistently started hooking and attracting extremely early, i realised that ultimately i was supremely comfortable in set. Like when i'm rolling up to girls - there are some thought processes that never really occur anymore, but they used to. My mind used to be swirling with things to say, how i was going to approach... like a movie in my head i would watch the set go down before it did... and it rarely happened as the movie preview predicted. So as I started gaining more and more field experience, i started not being outcome dependant AT ALL... like ZERO. I would roll in and ASSUME ALWAYS that it was on. Doing things like - Yelling "Hey!!!!... ok welcome back" at the girls if they werent focused. - Pulling them back physically if they are about to leave (on a positive vibe). - Looking at girls as if they are RETARTED if they arent listening to me. - Any bull**** thrown at me is treated exactly how i would treat a 5 year old. - Blatantly telling girls i love them and want them to have my children and we have a special connection in a cocky way that they play along with. - Cavemanning girls away from their friends smoothly enough for the friends not. to interfere. - Telling them DUMB stories about my first kiss in elementary school and making them listen because its entertaining me. - Totally ****ing with them and they know it. - Any negativity from the girl DISARMED as smooth as silk with total non reactiveness. Like the best cocktail, it's the right mix of CHARACTER (style, conversational skill and uniqueness), PRESENCE (tonality, body language) and POSITIVITY (fun) that gets the best results.
Always be conscious of what you are PROJECTING... what do you sub communicate as a person?... what are the most high value people projecting? How to mix the best cocktail... Here is an excersise i do with my students at RSD: Think of the most RETARTED, SILLY thing to say to a girl (not anything sexual or disgusting)... for example: "My dad has three green cats and one pink one" Walk up to a girl and spit your retarded line as an opener then just sit there - totally unreactive. If she runs away - you DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT MIX. If she looks super weirded out you DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT MIX. However if she asks what? huh? say that again? or laughs - your good, congratulations - you project high value NOW this also teaches us that the game is not VOCAL based... its what you are projecting that matters. I used to want the BEST lines to say, the best stories, the best routines... but i wasnt focusing on what i was projecting... That's why this whole INDIRECT vs DIRECT opening thing is bull****. They both work, in different logistical contexts... for example id rather stop a moving street set with an opinion opener rather than "HEY, My names Tim". Having said that, hey my names tim has worked for me countless times because im projecting the right things... in my tonality, my presence, my unreactiveness - i honestly do not care. Last weekend a student asked TD to teach him good body language... he said "Heres good body language... NOT WEIRD..." So to ultimately be comfortable in set:
1. You should have no thoughts in your head as you roll up. None. Like just think about an opener and that's IT. 2. Be conscious of what you are projecting - do retarded line exercise until you are consistently hooking girls right off that opener. 3. Think about the right mix of Character, Presence and Positivity that suits and attracts you. 4. You are NEVER REACTIVE. A girl says "I HATE YOU" - you say "Have you ever eaten a lemon?". Good luck - and always have fun playing. I am Tim
One Step at a Time There was a time, when I was at in my room thinking why the fuck was I not able to get any hot girls. That was quite a low point in my life. So many of us have been there. Many of you are still there. I remember blaming it on my looks, my race, my financial situation, and even people around me including other PUAs. On retrospect, it seemed just like yesterday. I have one thing to say to the me from then: FUCK YOU!!! :D I've got emails from some of you guys telling me that you're great looking, but you can't get laid. Some of you say you're not so pleasant looking and don't see how you can even talk to a hot girl. Others tell me you want to have a complete game plan before you run game so you won't get fucked over. Those are wrong ways to see it.
I feel for you guys who think like that, I really do, because I was once there. Sometimes I talk to my AFC friends who tell me shit like they want a hot trophy girlfriend, but then they contradict themselves with totally fucked up logic about the whole game. I feel for them, because I was once there. PU is a skill. Skills come with practice. Just like I see the difference between a medical student and a doctor examining a patient. The student is clueless to start. With practice they get better, but will be rough around the edges and won't be as quick or spot more complicated pathophysiologies. It's only over years that they eventually become doctors who are fucking smooth and can break things down into all the small steps. The only way to get there is through practice and with time. My most important realization is to take things one step at a time So many are trying to learn THE technique or THE way to get laid. I know, because I once thought that linearly too, and have my preferences as to whose stuff I read and would take as good advice. But it's not even about THE way. Only you can come up with your OWN way. There's no 2 people that drive a car the exact same way. Just make sure to go through every single step. This is also why one step at a time allows you to not miss out on anything significant. The other thing to realize is that you can't force things to happen. This is what the whole relaxed state is about, and I think with experience this is the state you get into naturally when out. Build up from the foundations and master each little phase of the game. I can see how getting the end goal acts as positive reinforcement and boosts confidence like crazy for newbies who've never had things like that happen to them. Note I'm not asking you to lower your expectations. It's just that you have to build up to it. For me, I realized that I was waaay over my head about the kind of chicks I wanted when I started. I was way too arrogant about myself, yet insecure at the same time. I wanted to get to the goal quickly, without going through the process of learning the game properly. This is the reason why my progress was so slow back then. Take one step at a time, while constantly pushing yourself outside of a comfort zone. My parents told me that I just started walking without ever learning to crawl. While that may sound really cool, I feel like I've missed a big experience in my life even though walking is obviously more advanced than crawling (now I think about it though, it's probably
going to be quite difficult for me to crawl! ha ha). Just like laying hot chicks - after a while, you get accustomed to the experience, and it's no big deal. Don't miss out on all the fun with mastering each step. That in itself is real fun. Whether that be opening, kiss closing, BF/AMOG destroying, phone gaming, or extracing consistently or whatever else it is. The fear could only be overcome by not deliberating the goal while bearing it in mind. You have to look at it as just that small step - all you have to do is open them. When I started a while back, I was one of the loser geeks standing in the corner of clubs, thinking that an 8 was a 10 and not even having the guts to approach her. So I took that small step ahead. Anything that follows - who cares?? This is how I did it anyway. Eventually I got that under my belt. So I moved on to the next step. It also flows alot easier from one step to another this way as I have a good idea of what I know for certain so far and can monitor my progress. I also once had many limiting beliefs. For example, until my first kiss close in a club, I didn't think it was even possible. I remember seeing a PUA with loads of hotties kissing them and I said to myself then, he must just be really good looking. Recently I saw the same pictures, and thought, WTF was I talking about, I'm so much better looking than this guy!!! I remember thinking I was fucking dreaming. Then eventually came my first lay. Holy shit, no need to tell u about that. Then it happens over and over, like a fucking avalanche snowball effect. I think though that we all have limiting beliefs and if someone claims they don't they are lying. I still have limiting beliefs, but look forward to overcoming them. Some of the newbies here would think that approaching random girls is ridiculous/impposible; others may think that kiss closing a random is difficult; others might think that extracting them home and fucking them is just something you see in movies; some PUAs might think fucking 2 chicks at the same time to be really hard... the truth is that it's all about experiencing it, and once you do, the limiting belief just vanishes. I guess that's your brain backward rationalizing about it, and realizing that it's an anomalous contradiction, and thus destroying the original belief to preserve a congruent logic based on the new experience. But this is also why it is important to take a step at a time. The foundation will be there, and you aren't going to just 'get lucky' and have no idea afterwards what it is that
worked, because you've been going out in field working each little step till you know it works for sure, and if it doesn't, you also know what went wrong. This was one of the bigger issues I had when I was using canned material completely - I had no idea why it wasn't working, or why it was. But it's also important to make sure that you are aware of the difference between 'goal' and having a 'structure'. The structure allows you to get to the goal, not vice versa. Speaking of canned material: I think that canned material is essential as the backbone structure to a PUA's game. It's well field tested stuff (obviously you should also test yourself before implementing it 100% into your game) that will get you responses if executed 80%+ correct. But, you aren't going to take a few routines from TylerDurden or Harmless, lines from ijjjji, or any of the top PUAs, and run a 100% smooth game. Sure, it gives you some high octane shit that will get chicks laughing and attracted, but that is only the baseline script. I was using a very TD based game, which I still do, but back then I was adhering to it so rigidly alone that it wasn't giving me results. Read his post on 'purpose of gaming for loverboy'. You can take lines said by another Oscar winning actor and sure it still sounds money, but you repeating it is acting, not being the part. The word 'actors' is almost inappropriate, because they do all the shit about BEING the part, so it's not even about acting. And as we all know most actors have a 'canned' script when they shoot, but never follow it 100%. It only serves as the structure. They have to BE the part, not act or play it, or read the lines just as they are. Be FLEXIBLE. FLOW. This means improvising. The improvised material adds the MEAT to it and makes it more YOUR game than someone else's. The art is in putting it all together. Like a painting, take your time to add your own touches. When you finish, step back, and look at what you've created and achieved. Anyway, gotta go. Keep playing. Loverboy Becoming the Sexworthy Guy Like the clockwise jacking of a volume knob and the sparkle and crack of pyrotechnics, I join the Real Social Dynamics team.
Relatively recently, my own personal journey to understand women, based on front line gender skirmish and all-embracing attempts of academic de-codificatioin of the female psyche, reached a pinnacle. The system is now apparent, and ready to be distributed. Never was I subject to the 'community' in the times of lines and routine stacks. Frankly, if the community was more an acting academy than a melting pot of identity level change I would have remained in the local university library trying to figure this stuff out for myself. Mum always taught me, be the gentleman, be the chivalry, be the chode internet pr0n connoisseur. For so long I listened. After all she was more older and more female than I was. What mum didn't know was that it was all about cultivating the naturally attractive guy inside all of us. Let me ask you something. Do you remember the first time you ever hit on a woman? You were probably six, maybe seven. You probably had a stir of squeamish feelings deep in your viscera as your engaged the object of your affections. Cue the harps and let your eyes glaze over as you relive those moments. How did you approach the pre pubescent seduction? If you, like most guys, allowed your blind spots to eclipse what actually transpired you would recall that it probably involved you calling the girl a loser or a dork or telling her you hate her. A communication of higher status? A challenging and indifferent frame? Exposing her to a range of emotions? All the right stuff. Perhaps a bit miscalibrated, but still. Bear in mind this sort of voluntary action is the completely natural, DEFAULT 'the way you are wired' behavior. And like Matrix Revolutions realize that you were wired correctly from the beginning. Without that software this race as we know it would have died out a long time ago.
At that stage you weren't yet old enough to be molded by such social conditioning catalysts as MTV's Parental Control or Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan tag team teachings. By the time we get to the age of fifteen the backs of our hands are red raw from disciplinary slaps. An accurate metaphorfor living your life in reaction. Realize this in the venture to cultivate the naturally attractive guy inside all of us. Like the controlled demolition of a sky scraper, demolish the existing skewed, conformist socially conditioned identity that you're living with and rebuild the foundations of your naturally attractive self. Let each additional level be the implementation of a positive habit, perhaps a masculine internal belief. As you install the latest technology into your shiny new structure, as you call in the renovators to implement aesthetic style into your being and a gym membership to maintain and tune the posture of your brand new entity you become a certain type of guy. To rehash an old chestnut floating around in this pickup game, attraction is not a choice. This type of guy cannot be ignored. He'll turn heads and have the girls gaming him. Did you ever have a girl just 'choose you'? Kinda cool huh? Not the usual script of trying to push water uphill on the beaches of Normandy in WWII. Take a moment to reflect on the percentage of attractive women in the world? Twentyfive percent, Maybe thirty? Contrastingly,realize what percentage of guys really have that combination of natural attractiveness while having their life together. I'd wager somewhere between three and five percent. These are the sorts of guys that girls will go crazy for. The truly sex-worthy guy. Not the palm reading guy wearing a sparkly Harry Potter jacket putting women under his spell. I for one am proud to say that Real Social Dynamics is an advocate of the Sex-Worthy 'got his life together guy.'
And I'm even prouder to say that I've been given an opportunity to play a pivotal part in transforming guys into that minority of the male population that generates attraction everywhere he goes. Meditate on the fact that, guys don't get laid because they are successful, but rather, guys become successful because they are the naturally attractive type of guy who gets laid. This may seem counter intuitive initially. Consider Richard Branson. That, gentlemen, is what it's all about. Cultivating the Naturally attractive guy that's stifled somewhere deep inside all of us. The default. The Hero (to quote a well respected colleague). I'm about to plug the iPod into my car stereo, grab a few mates and head down the coast to surf the beautiful Australian beaches. After an afternoon kicking around I know it's gonna be time to hit the town and make some girls' nights. Maybe her breakfast as well... What action are you taking? Alexander~ Be the Music In comprehending generating your own fun, and drawing people into it...
~Be Music~
Be the life of the party, generate your own rhythm, do it with conviction-passionpurpose. Disregard all external influence. Music needs no validation, it plows on though. Taking no notice of haters...it is it's own source of fun. Sometimes it smooth, sometimes its intense... ...always it is Relentless. It plays and rocks others to the very sole with...
conviction~passion~purpose
Some will try and deny the libido infiltration of music... but they soon fall under its magic spell, and they too are soon infected by the sugar sweet melody underscored by the sinister sole-istic beat. Be music my friend...there is no escaping it. Alexander~ Trench Time and the Twilight Zone Gentlemen, Let me share with you the magic experience i have come to know as... THE TWILIGHT ZONE This one of a kind time is found ONLY on saturday nights between 2am and 5am. But dont be fooled. Saturday night, from 9pm until 2 am is TRENCH TIME. During trench time, it's all short-set game with very few returns, girls with wickedly short attention spans looking for stacked validation from the people around them. Sarging during trench time, the girls are on highest alert and bitch sheild wary for outcome dependant sex deprived guys, moreso than any other time of the week, they are looking their best, and their mind is racing as the complex and confusing social matrix stokes their ego to ignition and overloads their logical cogniton. Gaming in noisy, pumping intense clubs is sometimes difficult in TRENCH TIME, plowing is a necessity. During TRENCH TIME, you have to bring your A game and expect to be blown out just for approaching. APPROACH ANY WAY! have fun with the fact that the bitch sheild is extra high, its TRENCH TIME, laugh at their 'dr phil case' anti social behaviors and revel in the company of your friends. APPROACH, LAUGH, CLAW, KINO, HIGH FIVE, HUG,
JOKE, 'SALAD', DANCE, SING non-stop during trench time, make your presence known! Why do we go out? TO HAVE FUN AND BE COOL FUN NATIRUAL SOCIAL GUYS! ...COOL FUN NATURAL SOCIAL GUYS GET LAID! As you ENDURE supressing fire during trench time your state is bolstered through the roof as testosterone pumps through your veins, the indifference threashhold is smashed! You speak to everyone, your social proofing goes through the roof! Blow outs become funny, and as the night goes on your calibration becomes tight. You adopt rock star status, you are a rockstar... And.... as all the other guys from the night get more and more choded by the fact that they DONT KNOW HOW to approach, and they get a more and more bruised ego from unfulfilled outcome dependance and perceived rejection. They rebut this with excessive alcohol and chemical drug consumption rendering themselves obsolete and you a star. The clock strikes 2!.. AND NATURAL GAMERS HIT THEIR ELEMENT IN: THE ~~TWILIGHT ZONE~~ Drunk chodes dissapear, girls open up in their most flirty and tipsy state after watching you having the most fun and being completely indifferent all night. The people who went-out-for-the-sake-of-going-out-because-its-saturday dissapear, and the venue is yours, you have earnt lornship of the territory, you are an alpha male: deserve what is rightfully yours. IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE YOU CAN DO NO WRONG. Sets that didnt open during TRENCH TIME will come back to see why your having the most fun! You are the one OFFERING VALUE, NOT DRINKS. You did not ask blatently for sex or some cherishing chodestyle one-itis. You are the elusive entity to be chased, the complete and utter focus of their attention.
Empower yourself through TRENCH TIME, and watch as you ILLUMINATE the room with the glistening shimmer of your blazing nimbus. A masculine man will revel in the trenches, and enjoy the spoils of a victorious sarge. Trench time can be tough, be positive, and watch as your dormant nimbus spontaneously combusts are you enter.... THE TWILIGHT ZONE Lord forth, Alexander~ Friday Afternoon Euphoria What I want to talk about today is that “feeling” you get when you finish your work or schooling week. Counting down the clock until that final bell goes off and you can loosen your double Windsor and unleash yourself into the world.
It’s that awesome childlike euphoria of having no responsibilities, looking down the barrel of a long hot crazy summer spent by the beaches chasing girls, hanging with the boys and directing the “show” that is your life. (A show where every new influence and adventure becomes a more and more epic saga). To me, this is the inner feeling that is the foundation of success. People always say that you’ll find love when you least expect it. This is so true, but more important is that in understanding this you can personally catalyze the “love making” process for yourself. YOU are the director of this plot. What is it that makes a guy attractive? What’s the magic formula? On a scientific or micro-analysis level, I really couldn’t tell you.
What’s important is that on a PRAGMATIC level it really only comes down to two important factors. First, be “higher value” than the girl in your interaction with her. That is, cooler than her and giving less of a fuck than she does. And second, exposing the girl to a full range of emotions… both positive and negative, exiting and scary, thrills and uncertainty. Higher value + the exposure to a full range of emotions = attraction… and the world lives in reaction to you. That’s the key. In understanding this I give myself the license to relinquish any responsibility of caring what anyone thinks of me. Sweet, “I’ll do what I want, when I want.” When we’re in a nightclub the RSD guys and I often joke around that “we own THIS world”. I can’t begin to describe the powers of this notion, because perception is projection. Oftentimes guys will see a girl that they like and try to “deploy” their higher value mode. Guys, I can’t tell you how much this sucks. Just come from a place of higher value ALL THE TIME, that way all the girls will like you… all of the time. It makes getting the prettiest girls a lot easier that way, no?? Buuuuuuuut, sometimes girls won’t know that you are the man -- that you’re a cool. The way to let them know is to give them a chance to get to know you, and the more you dictate things, lead the show, and involve her in your adventures… the more you’ll be defibrillating her feelings of attraction for you. The longer you’re congruent with who you are, the more you put your personality on the line… the harder you are to overlook. YOU are the head turner.
I know that the less I’m in my head during an interaction the better it is going to be. I just keep doing the right stuff and I simply won’t be denied. This might mean I continue talking if she tells me to fuck off or throws a drink at me. But funnily enough, if you’re intrinsically offering value, fun to be around and exciting it will never happen. If she’s just a bitch or a tool, whatever. It just adds to the frenzy. I kinda feel sorry for these folks to be honest. They completely miss the point of life. See, when you have that ‘just finished the working week’ feeling swelling around in your viscera, people can’t help but notice the Vinnie Chase smile plastered all over your face and rhythmic bobbing at the knees. The best way to describe this abstract idea came one day when I was sitting on the bus, feeling pretty down. As a teenager I used to work at the box factory, dead end no future employment on the horizon, living in a gloomy concrete jungle. Car broken down and at the mercy of public transport, my liberty was far off in the horizon, well and truly out of sight. But my ipod was my saving grace… LOL Whenever I’d turn it on and allow myself to embrace the music it felt amazing. It could instill that sense of summer break euphoria and sometimes even be emotionally moved. Sometimes for whatever reason, I would resist, I didn’t want to let me self succumb to it. But always, with out exception, I’d be drawn into it tapping my feet or thinking again of the fun I’ve had or the adventures that lay ahead. In interacting with people after that I thought of it like just BEING THE MUSIC, just like a little kid with the high self esteem, waltzing around with no responsibility, carefree and looking to get the party-adventure started.
This is a lot like having no ego, not defining who you are by external feedback. The influence is only projected from the inside out, the melodic and rhythmic expression of who you are. The divine responsibility to turn water into wine. I really don’t care how I’m received, I can’t control that… but I put a lot of pride and effort into the way in which I express myself positively either way. To the guy who doesn’t care how he’s received he can only ever be the highest status person in his life the epitome of cool. Ultimately everyone around him plays a supporting role by default, living in reaction to him. This is the essence of perpetually communicating higher status.
It’s like the rockstars from Motley Crue. They don’t really give a fuck, sure, but I’m certain that they’re totally wrapped up in the quality of their musical expression. To me that’s the ultimate “key” to all this: In relinquishing the burden of caring how other people receive you, your focus then shifts to entertaining YOURSELF first and foremost. You’re outside your head, unpredictable, and you wear the social pressure and social proof like badges of honor on your lapel. This is the difference between entertainer man and sex worthy guy. The entertainer man is generating the fun to achieve some goal, to score. The sex worthy man is there for no goal other than himself, he welcomes others into his sphere of glory, they enrich his life and experience. He is total and complete. No shortcomings to be compensated for. The entertainer man is not involved for the love of the game, but rather the quick fix, the shortcut and manipulation. The sex worthy man revels in the challenge and the art of the process. The end-zone is awesome, sure… but in being no stranger to it, it is no longer an elusive entity that he’s scrambling to conquer.
The sex worthy guy is on his path, and he is the star of the show. He doesn’t watch for overt indications of interest, green lights that permit him to go in and make the move. To him it’s “Always On.” He goes for what he wants. He wholeheartedly knows that he deserves it. There is no reason why he wouldn’t. He’s not trying to persuade his way into anyone’s party -- he is the positive influence, the ‘x’ factor… the beat. I really believe that there are a lot of guys out there on the brink of shattering their success barriers and becoming the sex worthy guy. The finale frontier -- the point of no return -- is disposing of the phone number tally mentality, generating overt reactions, and going home rejection free. A real man has the “fire in the belly.” He wants the ball when the game is on the line. He has no qualms about show boating to the media: “The champ is here!” This man will risk reputation to propel his game to the next level. These guys don’t win all the time. The greatest basketball players may have only shot with 65% accuracy from the field. Ali didn’t have a clean sheet. Making the most of every opportunity. Consistency, not perfection.
The sex worthy guy measures a good night by his ability to close the deal. He takes on this ‘trench time’ mentality. He will advance and lead on until he falters. He will take things until they can be taken no further. Maybe he’ll get blown out on the divine mission of the nightly close. Irrelevant. His has no ego to bruise. He’s masculine, not metro-sexual. The fun is in the chase, the sex worthy man revels in the challenge. Why do men all around the world play sport?? The gratification is in the challenge, the opportunity to express your self in your rawest state, and an opportunity to shine. The real man revels in the play. This is a man who engages the game to the very end.
So how to you become a sex worthy man?? No amount of moves or routines will get you there. It comes down to the internal shift. All your decisions and interpretations will be filtered through your belief system. All actions will be generated automatically in accordance with who and what you are. You’re “coming from that right place.” Perception is projection. What then is the right place?? Write your own script, ignore the armchair critics. Plan your next adventure, make harmony with the fact that no one will ever complete you. Create opportunities to allow people the chance to compliment you and your path. Mutual involvement is a source of enrichment. The less you’re out to impress people the more you project a vacuum that will compel others to impress and try for rapport with you. Nurture the Friday afternoon euphoria. The weekend is the twilight zone -- embrace it in all its desire. Remember that not everyone has the opportunity to play the game, to exert their social splendor, to be the start of the show. At the Altar these men have vowed their retirement from the game… till death do they part. Gear up for the trenches, button down your shirt and gather your wings. Maybe a few cold drinks, the vertical pulsation of equalizer bars. Strut, swagger, smile, shout. You are the style, the standard, the story. Its summer break: The weekend comes. The glamour is in the game. There is nothing else to worry about.
Alex~ Funny anecdote So my brother, a guy not aware of the community, was trying to get the attention of this fickle mummy's girl form a high society back ground. He was losing her attention as she was pretty snobby, the type of girl whom thinks the world revolves around her. He didn't buy into it: She stopped caring. So he texted her a lewd and provocative message. No initial response. A few hours later he received a call from an unknown number. It was the girl, the intended recipient. Looking for an explantion and someone to hold responsible. Earlier that week she had given her handset and number to her mother when upgrading her own phone. Her mother is the white glove arrogant type. Apparently she broke down hysterically crying at the reading of... "I think of you as i casually stroke my penis in the shower." Classic. I laughed for a long time when i read this and might intend to use something along these lines at some stage. Can't think of any practical use right now, but there must surely be some use for it... lol. Elite Congruence Social robot: righto. What I'm here to write about today is the notion of not being here to fornicate arachnids. A lot have asked me what the fuck does this mean. Fornicate means to have sex with,
arachnids more obviously refers to spiders. We're not here to fuck spiders, as in, were here to get down to business. And, I believe this is an issue only relevant to this forum. I don't think there is too many other guys encountering this problem. Only the sex-worthy guys of the world encounter this problem. First, time to pre-establish the notion of sex worthy guy. This is the guy who is intrinsically higher value than the girl, indifferent, place of abundance, experienced positive and dominant. This guy exposes a girl to a range of emotions in the form of 'chatting her up'. For a guy who is intrinsically higher value, his ability to attract her is simply a function of his ability to put his personality on the line. Charisma and a range of expression. Unapologetic. Cool, established, onwards. Now for these sorts of guys, lots get caught in some bullshit ego trap and think that it's enough just to become the sex worthy guy and open less and play less 'game'. If you don't play by the rules, your simply not in the game. The alternate option is sitting on the side, drink to chest watching. These sorts of dudes, if opened are magic. No doubt. The classic natural. However these naturals will never come close to the self actualized because they can't do the most pivotal part of pick up... The approach. Alpha as he may be, rest assure that anyone reading this will always trump a man scared to risk a conversation with a girl. And in most cases, the self actualized man is learned of all possible contingencies, and can execute. But the final hurdle that most guys make is the following. Their internal compass clicks form the entertainer man zone into the sexworthy guy zone. Identity level change. But overtly and logistically they then neglect that that is exactly what they have become and remain underneath their own glass ceiling of success.
Essentially, when a guy learns about game, he becomes the entertainer man. Enlightened and consciously aware of his game unconsciousness he learns some lines and gets out into the field. No more internet south park and less world of warcraft. As his experience compiles his inner game becomes more and more restored. And with the resources such as the forum, the Blog and our products his head is at the light speed thrust into the right space. I did it, Tyler did it, Jeffy did it, so did ALOT of RSDNation. Plasticity of the brain. People can learn. Internally you are sorted. But a lot of guys get into some weird negative headspace about the means and 'tactics' that once was the causality for closing. "Pffft dude, check out that chode doing a palm reading. He must be a desperate creep. I wonder where he keeps his wand." As though they were above the game. They neglect to approaching too much, no one knows just how cool they are as they keep it bottled up inside of them, resting on their laurels. Don't play by the rules and you're not in the game. Kinda like Paris Hilton. Paris, egotistically was under the impression that she was above the rules. That she was above reality as so many celebrities do. As a result: jail, out of the game. Same with rehabilitation or negative public image. A person's value is only as potent as their application of their self. There is incongruence when a man actually goes through identity level change and self actualization. He will feel that he no longer needs to 'button push' or palm read. That he his above it, which I certainly agree with. That sort of thing can be a great set of training wheels. But what then does he say? Entertainer man says entertaining things, what does sexworthy man say?
Now, there is nothing wrong with saying the entertaining 'routine' type stuff. They are fun little social things. Except now, the self actualized individual is now coming from a different place. He is saying these things now to entertain himself, rather to engage and impress others. There is no outcome dependence. Like the music, it plays without intervention. Offering value to all whose ears it falls upon, but ultimatly is simply an expression of itself. But once you make that transition all that 'routinesy' type stuff is all pretty chode and goes and hand in hand with peacocking and indirect methodology. Ultimately it's incongruent with who and what you are as a guy. Why can't naturals fully 'get' logical processes? They don't need to. Sure there would be a few principles and maneuvers that would amp their game but ultimately learning game is regression for a natural. A natural alpha male guy is intrinsically higher value. He naturally knows that if he just keeps on talking he will inspire the range of emotions in the girl. Simply the fact that he is a certain type of guy is enough. Higher value plus emotions equals attraction. The learned sexworthy guy understand principles like escalation, realizes that its always on, and makes the most out of so may more opportunities than the born natural waiting for green lights to escalate and approach. Once you make that mindset change from entertaining and sexworthy, stop entertaining and start being more sexual. A lot of guys got laid more being the entertainer routine guy than making harmony with their new sexual state consequently repress it. Incongruence is a difference between the projected self and the actual self, ego and self esteem. Incongruent guys aren't attractive, congruent guys are the definition of integrity and are attractive.
When you make the shift, get sexual. Direct, statements of intent. Dominant escalation with a positive frame. Unapologetic. You are what you are, embrace it, express it. Integrity is very attractive. Usually this isn't a problem for natural guys. They are the epitome of incorrigible. Alternatively the learned sexworthy guy needs to be aware of this incongruence and act through his own intentions. Cease the suppression of who and what he is and tell the girl what he's thinking. What words should he say and what actions should he make? That's a whole 'nother 'how to' article. The glory is in the game. And dreamtimes. Alexander~ Operation Charlie~Kilo OK. At any one time in my life i will be working towards several different goals simultaneously. keeps me occupied, keeps me challenged, keeps me entertained. One thing I always wanted to really conquer was my own aesthetics. I was shopping at a duty free store today and I realised that becoming a professional model would make an awesome career. It was as i sprayed sample cologne onto a tester strip that i noticed the abundance of free products i would get a s benefit of my photographic and cat walk obligations. As i indulged in this dreamtimez, it also occurred to me the difficulty that will accompany such an achievement. Not just anyone can become an internationally renowned model. Especially girls. ut as far as i understand for guy you just have to have the ripped abs, pretty complexion and above the bar personal grooming. A sense of style would be helpful, charisma and presence.
I walked my way to the front of a duty free mirror and began to slowly nod in self agreement. It is time. Not fornication time. Dreamtimez. If anyone one could execute such a feat it would be me. I have the time and commitment. The right head on my shoulders and plenty of room to improve. The primary goal: [nice body] The secondary goal: [MAD HBZ!] So. I hereby lay out my intentions for this challenge. And means by which for achieving them. Join me, to strut the cat walk with an expressionless glint in your eye. If you dare. Here’s what’s gonna be required. And this is a stark contrast to my life right now. Discipline. Diet and working out. I always eat out. the rule of thumb is all natural foods. White meat. No dressings. Including fruits, nuts, vegetables and a lot of fish. Sushi is ok. Coffee is ok. All other times only water. Gum must be on hand at all times and chewed until no longer flavorsome. This enhances breath, thwarts appetite and strengthens the jaw line. An essential element of the male model's resume. When i drink it must only be straight gin. No ice. If its gonna be bad, lets make it real bad. I already only do this anyway. Straight gin is similar in many ways to the good old fashioned lime in the eye. I will shave daily in an effort to grow a beard. Sleep at regular intervals. Use proactive to nimbus the complexion.
I have purchased a skipping rope. And my many hotels have fire escapes purpose build to be exercised upon. My audio books will be played out as a casually run one hour jogs on the tread mills. Cardio exercise can be substituted for down hill skiing. I will wear Calvin Kline 'Be' pour de homme each day to remind me of my mission. I will smile. Each day i will exercise twice. One High intensity, one low intensity. I will day two instead of binge drinking with confederates and newly formed piss head friends. I will save a lot of money. Hi intensity exercise will be 3x fire escape sprints (minimum ten levels). 10 minutes with skipping rope (40 seconds easy, 20 seconds hard). And 6 minutes boxing (30 seconds easy, 30 seconds hard). Low intensity will consist of various resistance training, chest back and arms. No rests between sets, alternating groups. Followed by one hour easy jog. Each evening and night I will do 100 push ups and 100 sit ups and 9 prone holds, three for each abdominal dimension. Protein supplement will be consumed. Multivitamins will be consumed. Hydroxycut will be consumed. I will hang out in the sun... (as much as possible(winter of paradise)) I will whiten my teeth, using gum and strips. Operation Charlie~Kilo. The advantages of holding this sort of position are the networking opportunities. The girls I will meet in the process, the people in the industry, the creative minds. CK will dress me, clothes, eyewear, shoes, cologne Everything.
This will test my discipline and time management skills. My love of beer and my generally reckless abandon. Attraction = higher value plus a full range of emotions. The CK models are highly regarded by society. Print this out, post it on your wall, your batthroom or office cubicle…join operation Charlie~Kilo. Game in a new dimension. Projection is perception: wait and see. Alexander~ Nature versus Nurture Nature versus Nurture: the natural inside you, and the Identity you chose. If you not a natural, how to become a natural? How did naturals become naturals if they weren’t already that before? If you are going to change your identity, then don’t you lose your congruence and as a result have weak inner game? Some say that it’s not a case of learning, but rather unstifling. How do you implement something that you don’t literally implement? How can all the RSD instructors, as different as they are all get consistent results. Are they all natural? But they are all so totally different. Tyler speaks about the dynamic existence of your identity. People change ‘who they are’ over time. Does this mean weak inner game? There is a lot of static noise in the community. All of which is accurate but missing one conceptual thread to tie it all together. The final piece of a puzzle that when complete reveals a conclusive model. My background is in science of psychology. One of the biggest issues that psychologists of all fields are concerned with is the question of nature versus nurture? Was the patient born that way, or did he develop that way. A result of genetics or experience? For example, is a gay guy born homosexual or does it develop over time? Is there a chemical pattern to this phenomenon? In some cases people are sure they are gay form the times of pre-school, while others aren’t assured or their sexuality until their late fifties? Usually the answer is a combination of both. In some cases totally genetic, in
some cases it is developed after normal heterosexual relationships. Who you are, your identity is composed of two things. Your nature: genetics, your body, physical chemical and biological (unconscious) and your nurture: your experiences, passions, memories, interests, fears (conscious). The guys who I have seen as the very best in the game, old friends of mine from my football club and of the hundreds of students I have had and my elite level colleges the absolute best are commonly of the highest integrity. By integrity, for game purposes I refer to the notion that they have no ego. What you see is what you get. They are totally unapologetic about who and what they are. If they are unapologetic about it they are passionate, they have a great energy. A person of true integrity has the tightest inner game out. He trusts himself, he’s not worried if people see the real him because, in his opinion, it’s great. Women gravitate towards this. This is nimbus. Attraction is a function of your ability to put your personality on the line. As a side note, women read your inner game by mirroring you, as reported by Louann Brizendine author of the bestseller ‘The Female Brain’. This is done by the girl subconsciously mirroring your behaviour, scanning for anxieties and inconsistencies and then feeling them in her own body. Basically if you are comfortable she will be too. If you are exited, she will be too. Bad news is, if you are feeling uncomfortable talking to her she will feel it to. If you feel apologetic, she will feel the same. The self is always coming through, like it or not. Good news is if you dial your integrity attraction is not a choice. Your value will shine through loud and clear. Just like when a guy sees a model in a bikini climbing out of a pool. An unescapable fact of life. The old enemy social conditioning is to blame here. You are uncomfortable because you think you are supposed to be. Self actualisation overrides social conditioning. Metaphorically social conditioning is like being taught to walk the wrong way. Cognitively you were always programmed with the capability to learn how to walk, but SC steps and forces you learn the wrong technique. Self actualisation is the process of unlearning the incorrect technique. There is no faking until you making it here. It’s already there. Buried, in every single man. But what is it that you are unearthing? What then is the right technique? Your nature that if you don’t accurately embrace you will never truly be congruent? Resulting in you feeling uncomfortable and the girl feeling just as uncomfortable. It’s the same traits that every instructor has, every great natural has and what pre-socially conditioned boys have. Living in the moment, positive dominance and escalation. Three little things that if wholeheartedly understood and embraced will render you congruent with what you were
born as, leading you to be more comfortable with yourself and resulting in the girls being comfortable around you. The traits of the naturally attractive guy. The traits that if you weren’t incorrectly conditioned otherwise would have shone through naturally on their own. These traits are similar to those catalysed by alcohol, the pillar of the western social world. When you drink the cognitive part of your brain is inhibited, you lose the ability to focus on much more than what is in front of you and without a second thought you more comfortably act on your desires. Congruence is the KEY to attraction, it cultivates tight inner game namely making you high value. On the nature side of things you were designed to focus on the moment, to be assertive, unreactive and generate you own state. What we call presence and positive dominance. The man is comfortable with who he is also comfortable to escalate. Did you ever get blown out for escalating? Probably not. If you can’t answer that question get into the field. Can’t be congruent if you don’t know what you are. Thousands of field hours with hundreds of people have demonstrated that these are the keys to understanding the unconscious side of your true self. Now the other half of your true self. The side that explains why instructors can be so different and still get consistently outstanding results. Although each instructor is externally different, has different mannerisms, hobbies, histories and passions at their core each possesses these key traits. Game is a celebration of your ‘self’. But your self can be dynamic and changing. I used to love to play football, now I love to watch go out and be social. My passions or anyone else’s are the jump start to their nimbus. Ask someone what they are passionate about and watch as their eyes light up, the energy is amped up and they are more fun to be around. Remember that girls draw their state from external sources, men, you. If you have a good state, so will she. Now, if you are incongruent with your passions, or you don’t have any you will never find the nimbus. If you are apologetic about your passions, not proud of what you are and what you love you will always be incongruent and as a result experience anxiety continuously. If you have anxiety, so will she. So, what I’m saying is that there are two levels to your identity, to your ‘self’, to who you are. The next line of reasoning states that any girls you interact with will get their state from you. Underlying these facts is the number one rule that you are congruent with yourself(i don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks of me), which means tight inner game making you a high value guy and attractive. Know what you were born into, embrace it and express it. It makes game very simple and fun, especially because it will generate the sticking point of ‘girl time management’. And enjoy expressing unapologetically what you like to do. It doesn’t matter if its aeronautical engineering or watching TV, the fact that you are
proud of it, and who you are is what’s going to make you a naturally attractive guy. Diagram time, the circle is representative of a person. On the inside is what you were born as, what every man has inside of him, what the great guys have in common. On the outside is the way you express yourself, your dynamic personality that you are proud for everyone to see. Attraction is a function of your ability to put your personality on the line. This concept is almost exactly the same as ‘offering value’. There is no ego to this, what people see is what people get. Integrity, no internal anxiety, hence, none for her. Proud, unstifled expression of your self IS nimbus. Confidence happens when you perceive that nothing holds you back. Really simple actually. Notice how the diagram looks like cone of a stereo speaker? Be the music, that is all there is. Cool. Alexander~ Expression vs Impression. Natural Attraction. [edit]by Alexander~ Do you ever notice that when you are just having that ‘on’ night you can just do anything and it all just goes to plan. You are generating massive attraction just by doing the things that come naturally to you. Just by being yourself. It happens the same way that you always find love when you’re not looking for it. But what if you wanted to find and generate that love and take control over the situation.? Let me help you understand it and allow you to have a stronger conscious control over the situation. To help you pick up girls. NOW! As we all know, for those who read Alex~ blogs and RSDnation: Attraction = Higher Value plus a full range of emotions. I even made a graphic for you to put as your screen saver, desktop or even to print off and put on your wall or in your diary. [[1]]
If anyone asks what it is, say its quantum physics. Which I think on some level it might be. Now, this idea of expression not impression mirrors very closely the dichotomy between the entertainer guy (a guy who games girls) and the sexworthy man (a guy who naturally generates attraction where ever he goes and has girls gaming him). One the one side of the coin, the entertainer chode is taking action in order to impress the girls he is surrounded by. What he does is forced, certainly unnatural and for the most part he will actually feel manipulative while he is doing it. One the other side of the coin the entertainer chode will be acting in a way that will attempt to retain an impression (reputation) that he doesn’t want to be compromised. In other words he is totally stifled and is inundated in caring what people thinks of him. This guy experiences the feeling of walking on eggshells. He is acting in accordance with the impression he is trying to project. Given the fact that it is merely an impression it is ultimately incongruent with who he really is. If he feels that the *self he is* really isn’t good enough to express to the world. This self must be pretty lack lustre. Basically, a mere impression of your true self is an EGO, and a dirty word in these parts. So picture this. You roll up with a routine. The goal is to impress a certain reaction upon the girls you are *trying* to hook. The problem with ‘classic game’ is that everything is done through these filters. And ultimately it is a lower value display. Instead of doing things your way you are always trying to game the girl, fit around her reality and play the contingency that you perceive will best suit her. Furthermore you will probably be misinformed about what contingency will best suit her. Whilst you are in the impression mindset you are heavily cognitively active. Called being conscious.
Called being logical. Called being inside of your head.
These two things are basically state antidotes and will continue to hold you back from your potential. While other guys are letting go and just having fun you will be thinking about the impression your angle of approach is going to make. Yuk. The notion of expression versus impression is related to most aspects of being cool, and importantly achieving the by-product of natural attractiveness. Take for example the classic I don’t buy girls drinks mentality of the community. Imagine you roll up and propose to the fine young lady that you are going to buy her a drink thinking that is a cool thing to do and it will make the impression that you are a rich, thoughtful and socially savvy. The moment the girl experiences this, her subconscious mind will ask the question ‘if this guy has to put up an elaborate front, is the real guy behind the front *not good enough* for me to see? Is he embarrassed or ashamed to show his real self?!’ If you have to do something impressive to perceive yourself to offer value to a women **to achieve high value** is to make it clear to her that you didn’t have more value than her to begin with. if you are buying the drinks because thats just what you do, and a means through which you express yourself: thats cool. Your not doing in order im make an impression, your coming from the mindset of generous guy whos taking the initiative of starting the party. To you, buying a round of drinks isnt a big deal. trust me when i say that girls can tell the difference between guys who buys drinks to impress them, and guy who buys drinks because thats just what they like to do. So that kills off the ‘HV’ component of the natural attraction formula. What about the range of emotions?
Now for those impression seekers out there it is possible to expose a woman to a full range of emotions. These are often done in field tested routines that are designed to entertain and offend. Button pushing bullshit. You will get some great visual reaction to these things, but in your experience do you close these girls or do they just want to be friends? You might game them and game them and game them only to be met by an armada of ‘last minute resistance’ to use an old school community term. For example the dancing monkey. Put the girl through a bevy of positive emotions, clowning about, making her to laugh at you, wearing clown like attire. Putting on quite a show. What happens when the show is over? The girls look for a guy they can game. Someone unpredictable and hard to get. Oftentimes the girls don’t even consider that the dancing monkey guy was interested in them. Sometimes the girls realise that the dancing monkey guy is into them, and they know they can have him any time while he’s there trying to impress them. Not exactly a game or challenge for the girls. High value things are perceived to be hard to get. Remember, if you’re the one doing all the impressing, then the girls don’t have a chance to impress you. If they don’t have an opportunity to impress you then you will not have an opportunity to see them for who they are. If you don’t see them for who they are then they will rationalize that you only like them for their looks and sex. The more they have the chance to impress you is like them making an investment in you. The more they make an investment, they more they want a return from this investment. Namely, you, your time and your attention.
As for the negative spectrum of the range of emotions. I forget what the traditional community name for it is. But I think the idea is that you say something negative about the girl in order to ‘knock her down a peg’ or get her to pay attention to you. This probably will work the same way as if you insult someone. But as soon as they get back up from their ‘lowered peg’ they will lose interest in you as you return to a place of relatively lower value than the girl. Or, if you do just straight out insult the girl she won’t even talk to you to begin with. An ever quicker way to lose the interaction. While trying to impress a range of emotions in a girl will elicit a visible and marketable range of emotions and most times validate some kind of impresser’s ego your still just a clown in the club. From time to time you will see guys like this. Give them credit for getting out of the house. Soon enough, out of necessity of not getting laid they will learn the error of their ways and switch it up. It would be wrong to say that impression doesn’t work. Impression will not result in you getting laid. Actually, my mistake. Impression makers simply will not have success unless the girl makes an overruling decision that she wants to get laid. But this guy will still be a low value guy and rarely get laid. And will have trouble maintaining healthy relationships. Unless he really is a great manipulator. Neither impressed good emotions nor impressed bad emotions satisfy the criterion of ‘HV’ or a ‘range of emotions’.
Expression is the way. Be the music~.
The notion of expression is to exhibit yourself in an uninhibited, unstifled way. The overt communication of how you feel. Expression is a true and authentic communication that is a by product of being unstifled. Expression IS acting through your own intentions. Rather than trying to impress others. ‘you don’t give a fuck what anybody thinks of you’ ‘you do what you want when you want’ ‘you are unapologetic’ He who expresses his true self has integrity. What you see is what you get. It is authentic and as a result satisfies the ‘HV’ component of the natural attraction formula. You see, if you don’t care what anyone else thinks of you, if you are unapologetic about your actions and you are truly internally centred and everyone around you becomes lower value to you in your reality. Doesn’t mean they are low value people. It’s just relative. You are the common denominator in every set. And instead of getting caught up trying to play the specific girl you do your own thing. An expresser offers value naturally and intrinsically. ‘Attraction is a function of your ability to put your personality on the line’ ‘Confidence happens when you perceive that nothing holds you back’ An expresser is not held back by the opinion others harbour of him. ‘he does not give a fuck what anybody thinks of him’ But he does take every pride in the way he expresses himself. He Makes an effort to decorate himself. He speaks well and takes the time to groom properly. He doesn’t do these things for others. He does it because of self worth and pride.
He doesn’t give a fuck how people receive him. Because he knows he has committed time and effort to expressing himself properly.
An example of a non expressive opener would be asking for someone’s opinion. Ultimately when asking for an opinion you are reacting to whatever statement (the opinion) is made. Conversely, opening with expression would be to begin to talk about something you are passionate about or something that entertains yourself first and foremost. Putting your personality on the line. ‘I like salad.’ ‘Me and my friends just got back from Vegas where we got married, we never expected to. but hey… now I can list myself as divorced on face book! Awesome.” ‘Yo so me and my friend have a plan, we trying to act gay to get the gay guys over there to buys us drinks. Were actually geniuses, but we have never been tested so right now it’s just suspicion and propaganda. But were working hard to satisfy the curiosity of the nation.’ ‘so hey, do you guys know the directions to the house of parliament? We just got the afternoon off work and we thought we might play a bit of ‘capture the flag’ with the government. You see the bar isn’t open for another 4 hours and we thought today we should earn our drinks with some political insubordination.’
Expression is about self entertainment. Tim said: ‘game is a celebration of yourself.’ The longer you ponder this quote you realise the validity of it. The more you can celebrate yourself in an unstifled way the more you can freely express yourself. You become the centre of your own word and move to a place of tight inner game.
If you turn your attention to self expression you generate value out of thin air. Magnetic value. The sort of value that compels people to become involved with you. Being expressive is the conveyance of your internal centred-ness. Certainly a high value trait.
But does expression allow for a full range of emotions? Yes but not as directly as impressers. It is a by product. When expressing yourself you are making statements and establishing a strong reality. To everyone involved with this they are living in reaction to you. Orbiting you. In any interaction there is someone reacting more to the other person. This person who is reactive is experiencing emotions as reality is being dictated to them. Each new reaction is an emotional spike in and of itself. If you were to change topic, emotion spike. If you make a self entertaining joke: emotion spike. As the girl realises that you value her to a lesser degree than you value yourself: emotion spike. If you tease the girl for being less cool than you, because you genuinely think so: emotion spike. If you demand to see how tall she really is by ‘positively dominantly’ requesting that she remove one high heel: emotional spike. A range of emotions through expression works much the same way as the emotions you might experience as you play a computer game or read a book. In the instance of a book the author expresses themself through story and the reader gets caught up in the emotions of the story and lives in reaction to the book. In the instance of a computer game, like Tetris for example, as the blocks speed up, you live in reaction to them and a sense of anxiety, fun, and sense of urgency come over you. Emotional spikes. To re-state, these emotional spiking is a by product, not deliberate as though you were trying for rapport.
Expression is about going through the world for you, being the common denominator and living freely unstifled by the world around you. Expression is about communicating high value through self entertainment and unpredictability. However, expression can become impression. If you use an ‘opener’ for the first couple of times you wont really have a good idea of what you are gointg to expect in terms of reaction. When you have no expectation then it can only be coming from a place of expression. You doing it for you. After repeated use you get a sense of what to expect and you begin to use the line in order to illicit a specific reaction. you move away from expression and the ‘opener’ is delivered for the purpose of impression. Girls pick up on this and instead of you communicating high value, you are perceived as being low value. Unsatisfactory in terms of the natural attraction formula. Expression is about making it happen and the world living in reaction to you. Each reaction they experience is an emotional spike. Expressers have high value and they expose others around them to a full range of emotions. They are naturally attractive by being congruent with themself, they are not held back.
So, next time you’re not having that ‘on night’ ask yourself: ‘am I doing things in order to impress others, and to try and prevent making bad impressions on others?’ If the answer is yes then your in impression mode. Switch it up, make the move, start acting through your own intentions. What would entertain you, what do you want to do, how can you mix things up? Do your thing, lead your own life and people will begin to react to you. Don’t forget to escalate. Escalation is an expression of sexual desire. Don’t suppress it.
Jeffy says: “game is your expression of inner state, conveyed by the rhythms you use to direct the social energy of the interaction.”
Expression, not impression. Be the music~ Alexander~
Succeeding Negativity [edit]By Ozzie For the longest time I had been a negative person aka a realist, but just since a while back I decided to become positive. I had enough already. I would beat myself to death after minor mistakes, would consider most people were out to hurt me, would feel depressed even after successes, always on the look out for those negative spots in every experience, a “realist” etc. But one thing that surprise me was how I could survive all these years and even score major successes in my life be it business or pu despite of being a negative person. Simple reason: I was a doer. I would take action even when every ounce in my body was telling me to stop and is not worth it. Somehow I knew that to get something done you needed to take action and have a plan. This is what happened. I succeeded this way. Yes, you can succeed despite of yourself if you act and have a plan. Yet this is not real success. It all starts here. Problem is that society deems successful those people who make it economically. It is all about the money. Life isn’t all about the money as we know. You see very self destructive celebrities all the time. Singers, actors, politicians, athletes who are at the pinnacle of their careers however they are still self destructive or engage in some form or manner of self destruction or self sabotage, take drugs, live on the edge, etc.. It makes me think. Those people succeeded despite of themselves. It doesn’t
make sense! Yes, it makes sense. When it comes to their job, those people would take action. The thing is they were successful only in one area of their lives. Which means no success at all. To be truly successful you have to be successful in all areas of your life. Then you are a successful person. One of the areas is mental cleanliness. Money, though not bad in itself, can exacerbate and magnify the worst traits in your personality. If you are reclusive it will make you a hermit. If you like drugs, it will make you a drug addict. If you have a reckless sex life it will make you ten times reckless. If you are prone to people´s validation it will make you an attention whore: you will buy Ferraris, big houses, etc just to get people´s validation. Same with pick up, if you hate women, once you have game=power you will be ten times hater. You will take any opportunity you have “to get back” at them. If you don’t like people, you will make sure you ridicule everybody with amog lines and tactics and use negs on women just to put them down. You will hate other guys with game, secretly be jealous of what they have or the girls they score. You will try to make comments on the web to covertly/openly destroy their credibility. It means anybody can have success in this area of your life(pu) but not be a successful person. Most people I know have success with women but few are successful. very few are happy with what they have and still “crave” what others have. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set higher goals. Definitely do. But don’t crave, specially other´s success. It is a loser behaviour. Craving takes your energy away. Being inspired to higher personal goals will soothe you and calm you down. I will take inspiration vs craving any day.
Perpetual Disappointment Contents [hide] 1 Article 2 Posts to complement article [edit]Article Posted by Ozzie on RSD Nation 10-07-2007, 06:12 AM
Since we are little in school we are being measured, big part of it is grades. The grading system accounts for most of the disappointments growing up. At home, we are measured by our parents whether you are “doing good” or “you are a disappointment”. We get a job and it is the same. Boss evaluates us or worst the market place. Religion, etc, in our culture we are being measured and made to feel bad if we don’t “live up to somebody´s expectations”. Our lives are constant struggle “not to disappoint”. We are set up to being measured which in turn sets us up for perpetual disappointment. Most of our social conditioning comes from this very fact. It is the elusive obvious. We don’t question this system. We just are born into it and grow into it and probably die in it without questioning it or its validity. Most of this measuring is done by people who in turn are being measured..and it goes all the way up or down to infinite. Then we come to the game. we get into it. and what do we do? Same old measuring. This is the reason many guys struggle with “outcome orientation”. They can not let go of the “measuring. Bad set/good set, bad night/good night, good opener/bad opener, good/bad performance, good pick up school vs bad pick up school, good advice vs bad advice and the list goes on and on to infinite. the courage to be imperfect. my best performances on this have been imperfect ones. i came back from gross mistakes or salvaged hopless situations. then results came tumbling down in cascades. i would say that being courageous is defined by how imperfect you can be. how much a risk you are willing to take. how much "measuring" you are willing to fuck up. On bc it is a constant battle to rescue guys from this measuring mechanisms embedded in the depth of their brains. It is hard to wrap your head around the fact that trial and error is at the heart of pickup. That´s how it is learned. Most guys are terrified to make mistakes. Why. You guessed it right. The measuring system. It haunts them in the back of their head. Makes them feel they need to “improve” constantly to “live up to”. Not good because it destroys the guys natural ability and coolness. It goes against its core of naturalness. The guy is not relaxed so he can not perform properly. His own outcome oriented mind paralizes him. The “need for constant feedback” is at the heart of the measuring system. The need to be “reassured” that he is doing right even when he is doing right. Self confidence is coming from “outside” not from inside where it should.
We have a philosophy of PPT. practice, patience and time. Practice comes first. Nothing will happen in your game if you don’t practice in the field. No book, dvd, seminar will give you what practicing in the field will give you. Patience. Without patience practice is bullshit. You will abandon at the first mistake or the second. No patience, practice is useless. You will open a couple of sets and hang by the bar because nothing is happening in your game. no patience leads to inconsistent results. Trial and error is at the heart of building any skill. Time. You need to allot time to practice. You have to schedule your practice time or you will not practice. Example, I will go out Fridays and Saturdays either rains or shine. You arrange your life accordingly to make this schedule happen. Then don’t judge results on the basis of good or bad. Don’t go black and white on your practice and your progress. Let go of the idea or the need “to measure” you because it is compulsive. Society induced. you are ok as you are. Progress will happen anyway if you apply ppt philosophy.
[edit]Posts to complement article Posted by Tyler on RSD Nation at 10-12-2007, 08:41 PM The article primarily stemmed from bootcamp students, who in the process of constantly "measuring themselves" to the night prior or where they think they SHOULD be, wind up creating a subtle sheen of neediness and outcome dependence to the women they talk to and wind up totally FUCKING their night (sometimes blaming it on the instructor........ which is why we constantly hammer it into them not to do these things). With women you can't measure it in terms of "success" or failure -- at least, in terms of their responses to you. You measure it in terms of consistency going out, sticking to the process, etc etc...
Remember that women are not robots or numbers on a screen.... It isn't like a mathematics equation. Everything about you is ALWAYS coming through... If you're always measuring yourself, there WILL be neediness. You could be talking to the least attractive girl in the bar, but if you're measuring yourself in terms of her responses then EVEN SHE will blow you off as a chode. Regardless of perfect bodylanguage... Regardless of having the perfect lines... If you're in your head MEASURING YOURSELF based on the girl's reactions to you whle talking to her, you will come across as uncool/weird/needy etc etc... That's why it's important to let go of all that.
Tyler
Posted by Ozzie on RSD Nation at 10-13-2007, 02:28 AM i think tyler can articulate this better than me in english. just to add that you should be process-oriented rather than outcome oriented. how well are you sticking to your game plan, your process rather than the end-product. let´s say you are focusing on closing. let ´s go out and try and close everyset. let´s forget about the outcome. let´s just go out and do it over, and over. guaranteed results will take care of themselves if you do this. focus on process not on results of process. it is a thin line. we all walk it. it stems from the idea that "everything looks bad in middle". if you look at a pie in the oven it doesnt look as good as the finished pie. it actually looks bad. same with pick up when you are learning the skill. it doesnt look good but the baking is happening.
Posted by Ozzie on RSD Nation at 10-07-2007, 04:25 PM
Originally Posted by Jedi
Wicked post bruv. Yeah, i suffer from the "beating myself up" syndrome a bit. .... this is one of the side effects of constantly measuring yourself. the other being "comparing ourselves with others". both are game killers. your mind seems to do this on autopilot. it has been hammered into us by the measuring system over years of exposure so we are not conscious of it anymore.
Posted by Ozzie on RSD Nation at 10-07-2007, 04:35 PM
Originally Posted by scarface22 Awesome post Oz! I'm in the middle of reading 'A New Earth' by Eckhart Tolle. He echoes a lot of stuff you wrote about there such as the minds addictive tendency to label, evaluate or relate something to something else.
it is important to notice here that all these behaviours of the mind, labeling, evaluating, measuring are learned behaviours. we didnt have them as children. school and society implanted them into us. they are conditioned behaviours that have become internalized to a point that we can not control them anymore. they are at the core. my favourite episode of the simpsons is when the school closes down and bart is having a good time but lisa is having an awful time because she needs to be "graded" all the time to feel good about herself. at one point in the episode she explodes and runs the kitchen and yells "mom, please grade me, grade me, i cant stand it anymore". you can see how the system works on the kids until it becomes enbedded. we forget about it when we grow up. we take it for granted. we dont question it.
Posted by Ozzie on RSD Nation at 10-08-2007, 08:26 AM
Originally Posted by Machismo
Yeah, i recently hooked up with a wing who is WAY better than me, and i found myself observing his game more, and reacting to his game. I suspect i am comparing myself to him. Any ideas on how to diminish this? these days i wear a rubber band in my right wrist... i snap my wrist with it everytime i get sucked into other people´s reality or drama or what have you. when i do this, i send my brain the signal "stop!". though rudimentary, this simple system works wonders for me. i have experienced more happiness and peace in my life because i dont get sucked in too long into other´s reality as a way of avoiding my own real issues and life. today, i dont snap my wrist so often because the message "dont go into other´s reality" has been internalized and i dont have to snap my wrist anymore. i use the same methods that society uses for control but to bring me more quality of life. feel free to try it.
Posted by Ozzie on RSD Nation at 10-08-2007, 04:25 PM
Originally Posted by Machismo: Yeah, i will give it a shot! This technque is called 'aversion therapy' i believe. They do it to smokers and self harmers too.
i believe that when you measure yourself you are SELF HARMING or SELF LASHING big time. it is re-enactment of what was done to us in school. instead of the parent or the school we do it to ourselves. we self inflict negative comments that bring us down. it is masochistic in nature. self criticism though it isnot physical, it is masochistic. it is compulsive. me and jlaix tried the positivity challenge for sometime and everytime i failed even when i was one day away from goal. i racked my brains thinking about why i couldnot stay positive even if i wanted too for a certain period of time. there appeared to be an inbuilt
mechanism that would make your self talk change to negative. this compulsive measuring was one of the smoking guns. it turned out i was overly critical of myself, that ´s why i could not maintain a positive streak for long. when you do this challenge many thought loops are exposed about yourself. i strongly recommend it.
Consistency Consistency is key to succeed in any skill be it pu or badminton. I don’t know anybody that have succeeded on anything who hasn’t been consistent at practicing. That´s why a typical bar brawler with no formal boxing training can nail a guy with a punch and knock him down cold. He has been in many fights and knows what works. Same way your typical club amog can approach your set and intimidate you and get your girl and you been reading amoging technique for years. The guy knows what works. He has done it many times. The hardest amogs I have ever encountered are the physical ones, they come in half drunk at times, grab your girl by the hand and wont let go. They stick around even though you block them with your body. They know it works. They stick and keep talking to your girl and grab her and don’t give up. They are consistent and committed to amoging you. This is the elusive obvious. The information on what do do is all over the place. If you don’t want to read in the forums go to a club and watch. Everybody knows what to do, it can be found in any forum in the net FOR FREE. I don’t mind giving away the content of my bcs to anybody on paper. He wouldn’t know what to do with it. content is free. Everybody can open with anything even introducing yourself works. Introducing yourself actually works CONSISTENTLY. If you do it often it will yield lays.
Everybody knows how to hook a set. Keep talking no matter what. You do this often it will yield lays. Consistently. Everybody knows isolation tactics and extractions. Keep dragging girls around the club with lame excuses like “let´s go meet my best friend”, “lets go dance”, “lets go the bar”… and finally “lets get out of here”. You do this often enough, CONSISTENTLY, it will yield lays. But most guys wont do this. consistently. They end up not doing anything or what´s worse doing it inconsistently. Inconsistent practice yields inconsistent results. No secret there. What do most guys do instead? Well, some go and try to find something that would work most of the time that would eliminate the drudgery of trial and error. Frustration of practice MUST BE AVOIDED at all cost or so they imagine. therefore more time is spent looking for the right thing to do aka “right method” than actually doing anything. When he finds something right for him, then he tries it for a while aka a couple of nights on a couple of sets and decides it only works 50 percent of the time. Notice that the guy opened 2 sets and it worked on 1 out of 2 girls. Pretty fucking decent for free internet advice. Guy stops practicing and keeps looking for “better”. He is unconsciously looking for the magic pill. I am a firm believer that almost anything works, that´s why I don’t worry about any specific method anymore. I know if you practice hard enough, long enough you are gonna end up laid somehow. Even against the odds of your dumbest ass attempts. Consistency goes beyond any particular method. It is at the heart of any skill. No consistency, no dice.
What to look for in the forum
[edit]By Ozzie many guys are praising the forum and that´s cool. we will keep it up for you guys to the best of our ability. i looked back to the times i was starting out trying to learn the skillset, going out everyweek end, either rain or shine. literally. i distinctly remember pulling a girl in the middle of a snow storm in my banged up joke of a car, ford fiesta. car sliding and all. i fucked her. i digress. i look back and i specifically can pin point some of things that i did right when i used to post my stuff everyother day. i also did some stupid things that are clear now after some time, etc. so i will try to break this down a bit and may be help somebody out there. first of all, what not to look for in an internet forum, the donts. 1. dont treat the forum as your personal blog. it is not personal. 2. dont vent your anger, frustration, "alpha" vibes on forum members. they are not responsible. they are just an avatar on your screen. that´s stupid and nobody gives a shit. 3. dont look for negative threads nor engage in them. they will suck the energy right out of you even if you win the argument. less energy for the field. they would implant negative loops in your head. you will be responding in your head to some jerk off on the net. suck your energy. 4. dont sub field time with forum time. go into the forum for a limited amount of time. 5. dont kj. dont post shit you havent even tried or talk about shit you dont know about just because it looks good or sounds good to you. 6. avoid internet forum alpha man, or typical forum bully. they are usually pussies in the field. nothing to learn from them except negativity and in the end, a waste of time and energy. they will suck you right in. 7. stay on topic. be specific about your pointers. be simple and to the point. it makes it easier for others to help you and you will get help 10 times faster and more effective.
8. dont go the forum to shoosh your inner child or some shit. this is not a fcking loco center. pay your money and go to a real therapist that can really help you, not a bunch of horny guys in the internet. seriously, go. what to look for 1. look here for motivation to keep going. this is your time away from the field. field is king. forum time is to recharge batteries, get shit out of your chest and get BACK IN THE FIELD. if you do this, you will pass everybody you look up to in the forum. very few do this. field is king. forum is just for motivation and get some technical shit sorted. 2. look for the positive guys that are in the field, learning it for real. you will notice that they dont make a lot of noise but they are usually spot on about advice. these guys are your source of inspiration and try and get them on your side. some have taken bcs already and they know the most common mistakes and have corrected them. they can help you FOR REAL. they have interacted with people who really have game and have seen and experienced what real pu looks like. 3. post your frs religiously. get that shit out. it is like watching the movie twice. you will get the meaning of it. you will see the blind spots. 4. look to build an attitude around pu, rather than a bunch of techniques and tactics. dont be the "tactics" guy. or specially the "opener" guy. opener collectors rarely open. i opened with the same opener for 2 years. rarely changed my "stack". today, i dont use them. i just introduce myself. that´s about it. i guess it is long but it might help you take the total juice out of a forum and make the best out of it. cheers, O Playful and friendly.P&F I couldn’t make up my mind to write about this because it can be grossly misinterpreted by newbies. But taking that risk on board i take the challenge.
I use this little drill when guys are too tense in the field, outcome dependent, etc...They tend to be too stiff, unable to loosen up and talk to people normally. Needless to say, most of those guys would talk for hours without the pressure to perform but in the field all the intelligence, social skills go out the window and you have a perfectly social guy with a great job, leading teams back at work, etc..get all worked because he has to go and talk to a girl. Anyway, i just tell them to go and just be friendly and playful to people. These seems to work almost every time. Once i remove the pressure to go “pick up”, they seem to get unwind and talk to women naturally. Once outcome is removed from the interaction, they seem to float their way into success, even hooking up sets for the rest of the night and many times after they leave the set, the set seems to remain open all night until closing time. I found out you can get away with almost anything as long as you do it playfully and friendly. For instance, kino right off the bat goes smoothly when you are friendly and playful. I can seem to get away with hugging, grabbing, high fiving, spinning even lifting girls off the ground when i do it playfully. Another example, i have used this many times to plow thru resistance in sets that don’t seem to open right away. Once they open and they see you don’t flinch to their resistance, they will love you forever..and ever. Why does it work? It is not seen as an intrusion when you are genuinely having fun. They just wanna be part of it. They are out to meet people like you in the first place. You seem to be taking a risk on them by doing this and they seem to appreciate and reward a guy who is not afraid to be rejected. It puts the pressure on them to be cool. You are showing you are the coolest guy around and now it is up to them to meet your standards of fun. When doing this: 1. Don’t do this if you are already a friendly guy. No need. 2. Be careful not to appear goofy or try hard. 3. Try and do hardcore kino or you will be put into friendly zone or “nice guy” stereotype, or people pleaser type. 4. Avoid entertaining them. Avoid using jokes or funny comebacks that make you “likable” in their eyes aka “performer syndrome” or dancing monkey. Other than that you are good to go.
Dance floor game(at your own risk!) [edit]By Ozzie My Dance floor game, explained.
It took me a while to figure what i did in the dance floor. It was not until many of my students try to imitate me and failed and I tried to help them get it right until they succeeded at it that it hit me between the eyes. Wow! I was doing a lot of moves uncounsciously that were getting me the results but until you try to explain it it doesn’t become conscious. Then it is easy and every body would say, “dude, that is retardedly easy”. Yes, just like “grab my *** routine”, that I developed uncounsciously until my buddy jlaix tried to write what I did but in my mind there was no structure. He pointed out what I did and made me explain it. again some other guys have asked me to explain this etc. so I will. This **** is highly addictive to the point that you don’t do anything else. You are just about the dance floor game because you don’t need to talk. It is a “grab and make out” job. Same thing with dance floor game that I developed out of cheer improvisation. Benefits of this dance floor game are many, one of the most juicy ones is fast make outs. Fast make outs don’t sub solid game but they get you to first base like a mother ****er. Wouldn’t you agree? Lol. (inside joke). I kid you not, I have made out with girls in seconds in the dance floor to the astonishment of my students and mine!. Students always say the same “I could never do that”. Yes, you too..if you had the iron balls to try it. very important here to have no approach anxiety and be in the moment(credits tux) and having fun. Genuinely having fun. No cheating there. Half hearted approaches will get you blown out like ….some..thing(ace ventura.). On to the specifics, as I travel the dance floor I open left and right girls that give me eye contact or seem to be having fun(I love fun, so you will find me with fun people). I just dance with them to the music. I do it nonchalantly and not caring about outcome. Again you must be in state and having fun for this. I don’t go up and go face to face with her, i would just dance NEXT TO her in a non threatening way for a while, if she complies, I keep baiting her until she is right up my face. Again this is calibration, I have had girls that are so in state(or high) that they just grab me and then drop the bull**** and grind them. Then make out. For this you don’t need to be ****ing Michael Jackson, you just need a couple of grinding moves down that are sexy and suave and that´s it. no fancy **** here. You are in. you know when you are in, right?
My usual mo is that I am the guy having all the fun, huge smile, dancing all the time, jumping up and down, irresistible, sickening fun vibe. So much energy that it would drain you to just watch me. I do that to the point that girls ask me the question: “what are you on?”. Then I tell them to get a sip from my drink. Usually water or soda. And I then I go “you just injested a cocktail of high calibre drugs” “do you feel it? do you ****ing feel that getting you excited?”..and they usually go “yeahhhh!!”..make out. Simple, man. This **** here is simple. Lol. from there on it is your game. Summerizing it! I will give it some structure to something that doesn’t have it nor it is intended to have any. So in a way I am just killing it.
Opening 1. no words are necessary. Just an irresistible, sickening fun vibe. If you are not in ULTRA state this is not your game. ULTRA state being something that normal people will call drugs, and I just call it “happy to be here and own this ****”. To quote my buddy tux !!!!shameless¡¡¡¡¡. thanks pal, learned tons from you. 2. approach sideways if possible. Test the waters before getting it on, in the same token don’t be a puss. Milliseconds of hesitation will kill it for you. Dead. 3. once you are both side ways, inititate kino buy innocently grinding her sideways with your hips. Non threatening. Check for resistance. If she is compliant, by all means move on. Good thing to do is high five her at this point. if she is compliant, move on. At this point I do all kinds of ****: 1.group is open so I go and grind with the whole group, specially with the fatty or shy one so I get group approval; 2 I would grind her back to back, rubbing our asses together, circumventing resistance, then turn around. Then go back to my girl. now that I have approval we can grind. Again you have to be smooth and natural as ****. Cool vibe is a must! That´s basically it. dumb as ****. But it works probably 90 percent of the time if you are in state. You need to hunt for groups that are having fun and are in state to make it work 100 percent of the time.
Benefits 1. it is a lot of fun for you and the girl. 2. fast make outs get you to first base, so you just have to run some rapport later and try to pull. 3. super fast: seconds make outs, 3-5 minute make outs,.if not make out, you get lots of kino going, etc. no down side. 4. once you do this you feel more in state and maintain your fun vibe through out the evening. So when you come out of the dance floor you are in mad state, ready to kill…or open. one thing, though. Make sure you don’t become “entertainment” for the night, or “dancing” partner that is unable to pull the trigger…. You are there to get ultimately get the girl. Feel free to use it. dance floor game. Ahhh….!!! Credits to Tyler and Jlaix for pushing me to pull girls from the dance floor. It made me want to do this all the time. In a way it is their job. Credit where it is due.
almost a year since i wrote this and if i were to change anything from recent learning experiences i would say forget the outcome and go in there with a fun vibe. dont tip toe your way around the girl because it is chode behaviour. most important thing is to have fun yourself and let them join you in all the fun. today my bcs for some reason drift onto the dance floor so we end up in the middle of the dance floor grabbing girls left and right. i wonder why. incidentally i dont teach dancefloor game in my bcs because i dont think it can be taught to everybody.... it is just something that we do for fun. The answer to every question of your life PROLOGUE:
I personally know Tyler and a lot of other people I've spoken to have gotten a lot out of what I'm gonna do my best to articulate via the written word (not as easy said than done). I heard someone say once, "You are what you do". I think that says a lot if you're trying to find out what you should be doing with your time. Based on the ratio of your post you spent on flying versus the 'other' stuff, it sounds like you want to fly. Otherwise, I stand by my prior statements that all answers people seek in life they already know. They just need to recognize it and have the courage and strength to go after it. Nobody can tell you what you should do, so you are right in not listening to the people around you, though, they probably have the best intentions. None-the-less, in my experience, as you asked, it's a recipe for bad consequences. In January, as I was wondering about a question I had in my own life (seriously, I think it was after I picked up a Playboy model & TV host that l kinda freaked about how to handle expectations) and I had a great--if not the greatest--epiphany of my life. In summation it is, "Be whom you are meant to be". That was it. I typed it up and posted it on my wall. I realized every answer I could ever have in life was in that statement. I already *knew* in my mind who I saw myself as. I already *knew* inside my own potential. It was only up to *me* to live up to it. It was a pretty profound realization. You see, there are times when, as a man and (as people tell me) an extremely well put together person, that my judgments can get clouded by an emotion. We've all been there. In these times it can be difficult to be sure of what to do or think, but if you rear back and really ask yourself that question, "Who am I meant to be?"--the answer WILL become clear.
EXAMPLE 1:
SITUATION:
You are sitting there watching CSI: Miami REALITY: It's a Thursday night and you *know* there are loads of hot women out tonight at Club Tightshirt that you could meet... if not just for practice MIND FUCK: You are fucking tired, scared to meet women, need to wash your clothes, and have social anxiety disorder ANSWER: Be whom you're meant to be. You have to ask and find that answer. In your mind you don't see yourself as a fat ass watching TV, but someone who has women in your life. You can see it and know that God didn't put you on this Earth to not have women or good people in your life. You know truly that you must take action and do the steps to be the person that you *know* you should be. Get up and do it because you have no choice. This is who you *know* you are and right now you are FAILING at your own expectations of yourself. Catch up and start to take those actions that you need to do to get there. You have no choice. ACTION: Go to club Shinyshirt and meet some women. As a side note: if you keep failing your own vision of yourself you will be that man at 40 with no life, no women, a career you hate, and no social skills. Call this preemptive midlife crisis treatment. This is the true self actualization.
EXAMPLE 2 (this one is a little more subjective on whom you see yourself as):
SITUATION: You are at a bar with a buddy and three girls are standing next to the bar. REALITY: You’re single and would love to talk to those girls at the bar. The girls aren’t really having any earth changing conversation. MIND FUCK: Well, they look like they’re having a good conversation with each other. They might give me an ugly/mean face and
I’m not even wearing my favorite cool shirt. I’ll just try and talk to them later after this beer. Hopefully, we’ll be forced to talk to each other so*****. ANSWER: Be whom you’re meant to be. In how I see myself as how I should be, I see myself with women, I am meant to get phone numbers, I make out with a girl if it’s right, having a conversation with a woman isn’t a big deal, and people think I’m an awesome person. I am not a cowering person. This is whom I’m meant to be and I’ve got no choice but to talk to those girls or I’m failing me and my God given purpose on this Earth. I listen to my gut because it does not fail me. My gut is trying to show me my path and what I need to do. Inside I know it’s the right thing to do. If, for some reason, that these girls don’t become part of my life then they weren’t meant or fit into my path at that timemaybe some other time, though. No worries, my gut will tell me that too. It doesn’t bother me, because I’m still moving with my purpose and intent of whom I’m meant to be.
ACTION: Follow your gut and approach.
EXAMPLE 3: THE CATALYST THAT BROUGHT ME TO THIS REALIZATION:
SITUATION: I had spent 24 straight hours with Playboy model just vibing, fucking, and truly connecting with her. The next day after some of the glow had worn off, I was dealing with future expectations. I kinda mind fucked myself for a little while and it clouded my judgment. (Fuck, I’ve never asked for advice from anybody about girls in my life and I even called Tyler. Thank God he was driving in some mountain range in Hawaii and kept losing the signal.) REALITY:
I knew she loved me and had never met somebody like me before. I gave her one of the best experiences in her life. MIND FUCK: No matter that I knew she loved me, I still didn't know if my own self worth was enough to live up to a celebrity that every man creams his pants over, millionaires threw money at, and her current live-in doctor boyfriend. I literally wasted hours with this mind cloud of how to act or be. (Shit guys, don't ever say I'm not completely honest on this board-I never have anything to hide from anyone) ANSWER: Be whom I am meant to be. I doesn't matter what she thinks. I am living my life and it's not changing for her or anybody. I don't have to change for shit. She can be a part of my life and accept me if she wants or not. No matter what I'll be fine. Completely indifferent. She loved me for what I was and nothing's changed. I have my own path to worry about than to worry about if mine fits in hers. ACTION: Follow my gut and just call her and be cool. (btw, it turned out she felt the same way with me. that's what happens when YOU’RE the true ten. She was scared to death about what I thought of her the day after) EPILOGUE: I coulda just said, ‘don’t be a pussy’, but a lot of people just don’t ‘get’ or understand that one. Regardless, I hope people truly follow this post. In a way, it’s a summation of a lifetime of wisdom derived from common sense, research, study, observation, tons of hard knocks and success, and general experience. If you follow it, it WILL change your life and how you make decisions in your life. It gives you the structure and know-how of how to be a man and truly live by your own decisions. Granted, most of the work is on YOU, though. It really is as simple as that. There's beauty in simplicity. It's just not always easy to face yourself.
The LIVING Example I read Tyler's blog [1] and all I have to say is: LOL. Thanks for writing a biography about my life... goodbye investment banking... goodbye search and rescue diving... goodbye 3 countries... goodbye MTV & Jerry Bruckheimer... I'm working with RSD and UCLA now... solely passionately and intrinsically motivated... Sometimes I miss the money, but I had to figure out the hard way that the way I was doing it wasn't worth it. Internally it was like slowly dying when I wasn't doing what I knew I needed to do. You have to follow your path. I look back now at all my many life experiences, hard and good, as awesome social and cultural experiences that I LEARNED from. Trust me, some lessons really hurt. But, they all gave me depth and wisdom beyond belief. I feel I can relate to anybody on almost any level because I've been there in one way or another. From hanging and fighting in the streets of Baltimore, to corn husking in the fields of Iowa, to picking my neighbor’s grape harvest in Italy, to riding camels in the sands of Oman, to red carpet events and the social elite of Hollywood. They’ve all expanded my reality to the point where nothing surprises or intimidates me. I’ve made all this my reality. Here’s just a few other crazy things that’s possible in reality: I’m also a decorated war veteran, been recognized on national TV, was adopted Chinese (I’m white), dated Playboy, Hawaiian Tropic, and Budweiser models, have been kidnapped, worked for the US Embassy in Central America actively fighting Colombian drug traffickers, modeled, was a top ranked wrestler, helped write porn scripts for a friend in Budapest, started businesses, saved a man's life, am an expert pistol shot, cliff dove in 2 countries, managed over $300 million dollars, played stickball in brooklyn, hang glided over Brazilian rain forest, written my own TV show, graduated from a #1 ranked program in the world, hiked mountains, dealt drugs (long time ago), ATTACKED BY A GANG OF WILD MONKEYS, lived on a boat for 3 years, partied for Carnival in Rio, Venice, and New Orleans, been arrested and put in jail (a couple times), been to close to 30 countries (lived in 4), am fluent in renaissance art, broken too many bones to remember, speak parts of 5 languages, was actually kicked out of a country once and made to fly home (not my fault), was almost a father and engaged, ran a black market, had sex in 2000 year old plazas where saints were once burned on a stake, thoroughly well read in classical and contemporary literature, met, partied and am friends with famous Spanish bullfighters, been questioned by the CIA, taught at a renowned university, stowed away
on a train once out of desperation, camped in complete wilderness, traveled to East Germany while under Soviet Union’s control (it was as crazy and depressing as the movies portray it), ran with the bulls in Pamplona, been part of a pit crew in the mexican Baja 500 twice, been courted by the Russian Mafia (long story), won ski races in the Alps, promoted parties, and also kicked the tree of life. I just turned 30 and have been completely independent since I was 18. Funny thing is, is that I need my friends to really remember some of the crazy shit that’s gone on. I guess the only thing left is to own a monkey, be in a heist, and get shot. Seriously, these are my goals for the next 5-20 years... climb a mountain, write a couple books, start a philanthropic organization, motorcycle around S. America, go on safari, visit the north pole (before it's gone), buy a home in Europe and in the great state of Texas, get married and have kids, and finally put an end to the ******* and hunt down the Loch Ness monster. Anything’s possible when you’re living your own legend. What's yours? BTW, file this under an experience I wouldn't trade ANYTHING for-- college. I don't think it's necessary for everyone to go, but for people who don't know who they are or what they're doing--then GO. What did Tyler just say about experiencing new cultures in his blog... that's what college is. That's why it was so awesome. But, to make all the memorized-learning tests bearable, make sure you study things that piques your intellectual curiosity!
Question: The "Here’s just a few other crazy things that’s possible in reality" bit, is it just random things that are possible, or are you claiming to have done all them? I could write a book, or at least a blog, on almost all of those experiences. There's a lot of things I've done and seen that I could add also. Here's more: I've fought 3 fires as a fireman, how I was forced into alcohol rehab twice when I was 20 (failed the first time), been forced to testify before a grand jury, was an analyst at a top 5 wallstreet firm, had a top secret clearance, hooked up with girls in at least a dozen countries, I've recently been considering training, with the help from my Olympian friend, to qualify for the next winter Olympics, was president of my school (charisma goes a looong way is what I'd call that story..haha), met congressmen, played 5 seasons of soccer and 4 seasons of baseball in Italy, the story from after tearing two muscles playing soccer in Madrid and kept playing- I was treated by the medical doctor for Real Madrid (good
story of not quitting for ANYTHING), meeting Willie Nelson on stage at Luchenbach (a true poet, idol, and outlaw), I once saw my roommate (his father was in President Bush’s cabinet) get kicked in the face AND OFF A BOAT by a bouncer in Spain, my friend who was a drug dealer in the Italian mafia and his stories (fucking crazy!), the time I almost saw a public beheading (thank god I didn’t), the time I passed out in a public bathroom in Amsterdam (one of the grossest and luckiest stories in my life), when our personal driver took us to a Santo Dominican brothel in the Dominican Republic (Ozzie hates that story), I could write a series just on Hollywood, was courted to play DII college football even though I only played my junior year, toured the slums of Rio de Janeiro and witnessed kids with submachine guns, buying a boat in Venice on a whim because the city went on strike, hooking up with a girl, who spoke no English, in Florence by telling her "I'm from Texas like the TV show Dallas", rewritten a US Navy tactical manual, the time after high school my friends and I drank 21 kegs of beer in under 6 days and the only food I remembered eating the whole time were 3 sandwiches and some doritos, doing improv, had glass tables thrown over my head, been beaten up by a gang (a couple times-in hind sight I probably provoked them ), and how insomnia and an over-active imagination has robbed me of years of my life (TD the movie style). After I told Tyler about my struggles to write the great american novel lately, I've seriously been working on getting in the groove of doing it more regularly by posting. My next one, when I have time, and since it has to do with women, I think I'm gonna write about my Playboy gf/fb that I just broke up with last week. Hopefully, that one will be pretty entertaining.
Question: You can "shed society's standards and live the way you want to", but who's gonna pay for all that? lol Who's going to give you food, water, shelter? Welfare? Rich daddy? I don't know. I never really focused on that. I just focused on the experiences I wanted and let the rest take care of itself (and I voluntarily got off the parents payroll when I was 18). Now, that being said, I've had a lot of help from my sister, friends and strangers that would always seem to help when I needed a pick-me-up the most. It's funny, but people always say I've got amazing karma because I've gotten into some real jams and they ALWAYS work out great. Granted, I've never been destitute and I've always worked
hard. I've worked REALLY hard. It didn't matter what job I did I always did it the best of my capability--which I normally mastered. Here are some examples of some of my thought process' and how I got into things. I was in the Navy and NOBODY could believe it. I am as independent as it gets and people knew that and couldn't believe it. I did it on purpose. It was a challenge and not what people expected of me at all. Out of respect, I also didn't want my father supporting me for the next 5-6 years, which he would have gladly done (there's more meritocracy stuff I believed in too). I joined the Navy and I never really liked the ocean or boats. My family's legacy was always Army. The ocean, in its infinite power, kinda scared me. Yet, I became a diver. I would never do anything normal or average because it doesn't challenge me. Later I became an investment banker. I've always sucked at math and disliked it with a passion, but it was a challenge and wanted to master the art of finance and numbers. I did it, and did it at a top firm. I willed myself into these things and mastered them. It wasn't easy at all, but I gained immeasurable skills and ability. I guess from living in Italy and studying the Renaissance, I always admired the Renaissance men that did and mastered many crafts. On top of it, I hate being told I can't do something or that it's not possible. There were things that I accomplished that opened opportunities that I never would have had otherwise ie. graduating from a top school, search and rescue in the Navy, etc. Life builds and connects itself in weird ways--there's no way I coulda planned at 20 for the way my life has gone. I always just stuck to a certain set of principles. As for making things work out financially, I've never been more than 3 grand in debt (aside from the $3500 in college loans at 2.8% that never seems to go away--regardless the interest is lower than inflation, so it makes little sense to try and pay it off). I've always lived pretty comfortably and in some VERY pimp pads. To some degree I can be pretty damn extravagant (I hate cheap people and the way people can fuss over a few bucks-it can really seem like, to a degree, it can be a waste of energy). I only buy top quality stuff, but I only buy things that I need and I take care of them. I am very much a minimalist. I've been forced that way, because I never know where my next opportunity may take me. I am always prepared to leave, if need be, at a moments notice. When I was in banking in Texas was when things probably got toughest for me. Near the end, when I was REALLY about to make a lot of money, I left. I was running
MILLIONS of dollars in investments, but I didn't like where I was at. At the time I had a house and a ton of furniture. I left it all in a matter of about a month and moved to LA after going to the Rose Bowl Game (Texas vs. Michigan). While I was visiting, I was offered a job at MTV making comparably nothing and took it. All I brought with me were two loads of things that I could pack in my Jeep. I had recruiters banging on my door with lucrative job offers that I turned down. I rarely even listened to them. My mind was made and my heart wasn't in it anymore. It took a ton of courage, but I knew I was done with that chapter in my life. I can say or write all I want-I've told people similar things my entire life-but you will only understand this if you are bold enough to do things for yourself. Do what interests, excites, challenges, and scares you, always. Only you can figure this stuff out for yourself. Btw, I hardly plan for shit in the short term and always go with my gut. Last October, after spending 3 weeks with my near-death grandmother in a hospital in Iowa, on a moments notice I flew back to LA and 4 days later I was in Europe for 3 weeks (hence, how I wrote a post on Tim's Sweden is FIRE thread). I did it based on a feeling that I had that I just had to do it. I loved every moment (except how cold London was) and looking back I see how important it was for me to do that at that time. It changed my life and I learned some really important lessons--it all happened because I followed my gut.
hahaha.... yeah, I like this thread. A lot of good dialogue. There are a lot of good questions posted here--and very necessary ones. At some point in my life I've asked all of them and countless more. Life ain't easy and when you take the path least taken (easy cliche) people don't always make it easy for you either (massive understatement). The answers are always within you and always have. Yes, there is a point when I've asked myself, am I just a jack-of-all-tades and a master-of-none (a cliche I've been posed tons of times). The answer I found was abso-fucking-lutely not. Everything I did was for a PURPOSE--I MASTERED many trades and got what I wanted to get out of them and moved on. This sometimes took YEARS and at times of real diffuculty, where people normally fold or become assimilated to 'average' thinking, I would almost forget my purpose. It was hard. I've left jobs and women the same way. Fortunately, my truth
has always righted my way. It's a blessing and also a curse. I am not built to not live truthfully with myself. I cannot. I WILL die and I feel it so strongly in every part of my mind and instinct. Dying is a strong word, but I literally felt physical pain it was so strong. I had to move on after I wasn't challenged and the lessons I needed were learned. Here's a couple questions I've been asking myself lately and see if you relate: "Am I completely selfish?" and if so, "I am wrong for it?" I think I am to a degree, but I don't think that's necessarily bad. I always go after what I want and I always have. It's not always obvious, but as sure as the sun rises every day, I do. People continually have broken themselves on me. Ultimately, I may bend, but will never break. How can I freely admit this to you and myself?" I have no fear because I *know* beyond a doubt in my mind that my ultimate goal will bring a greater benefit. It's not just, "Hey man, I'm following my path. Fuck off. Leave me alone". I HAVE to do this. How else can someone trade a lucrative investment banking job to make the pittance I do now. Tyler and I have both spoken about this. There will be a time when we will move on from RSD (me much sooner) and what we're doing now. That's because we EVOLVE and we get a higher form of understanding of OURSELVES. We will undoubtably be doing something along these lines for when we do move on (experiences like this always leave imprints on our lives), but it won't be anything quite like what we're doing now. We can't. No worries, I don't think it will happen anytime too soon. My purpose that has taken me here? To help people. There's beauty in simplicity. In order to do that, I had to know my strengths and weakness'. I'm a firm believer in leading by example. Everybody hates a poseur. That was a core reason for all the things I've done in my life. I always put myself out there and pushed myself. I broke rules and did what scared me. I learned that the times I listened to society, family, or friends it consistently only hurt me. You have to think for yourself. Because of what I've learned and experienced, I am a vastly different person and better man than I was when I was 20 or 25 or 29 for that matter-- mostly for the better .
BTW, I thought I was finished, but I feel I have to talk about motivation because it's so close to what I've said. Call it the practicality part. whatever. This may be a shock to some people, particularly to people in RSD that love him, but I'm not a big fan of Tony
Robbins or anybody that tells you how you should do things, UNLESS you use them as a vehicle to realize your own abilities and core intrisic motivations. Sometimes people just need permission to do what they already know. As I said before, I believe EVERY question you have in life can be answered in yourself. You just need the courage and strength to follow what you already know. That being said, time is sooo precious in my life. Time flies by so fast. I would, and always have, set daily and long-term goals. For some reason, it brings a clarity to your smaller purposes. It gives you permission and reason to do different things. I always set goals, but I think it should be said that I keep a strict-loose like perception of them. Particularly my daily goals. I don't kill myself if I don't get to things. Oh well. I will though. You cannot always plan for the things that need extra thought or time. For example, I find it hard to rush creativity and frequently run over time when writing. Second. Find inspiration and recognize greatness in man. I find inspiration in my family. My grandfather is one of the most amazing people I have ever known. Truly an idol. He came from a small farming town, super poor as 1 of 16 children (many of them died before the age of 18), he frequently slept in ditches, never graduated high school because he had to work, went on to fight in WWII on the small South Pacific Island of Tonga, hitch hiked all around the country from town to town (Jack Kerouc style) including old school California, was a gold prospector in Montana, was a great mechanic, built his own house, sang country western music across the West, and experienced tons of amazing adventures. Later, he got his GED, taught himself college algebra, trig, and calculus and climbed to the top of an american corporation. The best part is that EVERYBODY loves my grandfather. I saw this growing up, it particularly resonated with me when I lived in Italy, he would, and still does at 89yrs, just talk to everybody. People are infected by his amazing stories and friendliness (definitely a Casanova from the stories). Additionally, one of the things I'm most proud was that he grew up when America was highly segregated and my grandfather was intelligent to know people as people. He admits to the times when people just said things like, "that's mightly white of you". He got it and changed with the times when people weren't so easy to let go of the past. My other inspiration would be my adoptive father. He grew up dirt poor and the son of immigrants (in the 30's all of his siblings born before him had to be left in their country and were sent money). Growing up he and my grandparents were continuosly hated
just for theirs race and threatened by the US government to be deported (he was born in the US!). Growing up in the streets of Brooklyn, dirt poor (he had rickets from malnutrition), in the back of his parents single room laundry cleaning store he studied on a 3 legged desk that my grandfather pulled out of a dumpster. He went on to go to get a scholarship to one of the best high schools in the country and from there to Columbia University and on to medical school (he was rejected from Harvard Medical school because at the time Harvard had an allotment of only one person from his race per year--to this day he still knows the guy who was accepted over him). He just retired as one of the most respected, most senior, and most decorated officers in the military. Yes, he also served in Vietnam. So, in respects to my life, there's very little that I could ever do that would compare to either what my father or grandfather achieved. No matter how hard life can possibly get, it would be NOTHING compared to what they endured. There's no excuses for not succeeding; they did. I respected my father and what he did so much that I left at the age of 18 to stake my claim and do it ALL ON MY OWN. No excuses. This is where I come from and, yes, I grew up always believing in meritocracy. Have balls and just do what you know you need to do. http://rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=5196
Elicting Values Surrealism: I've been trying out some new techniques lately...it spurred from something cool I read on Tyler's blog that I wanted to try...let me know what you think: Tyler said on his blog that he would ask a girl "on a scale of 1-10, what is my friend?" In order to get the girl to approve of his friend and in-turn, get his friend laid...
I like this...but I actually have changed it slightly, and have been using it as more of a early qualification technique... Allow me to clarify this concept... not that what you're doing anything wrong. It's awesome you're qualifying and being innovative. Remember, if you're not qualifying them, they're qualifying you. Here it goes: The concept Tyler was talking about in his blog is a favorite in my playbook: value elicitation (Though he's using it differently as an opener, I believe that the most powerful and exacting time to use this is while in isolation and "comfort"-it's devastating. I don't think I would use this as an opener, but if I were to say something like this during a conversation, I would more likely ask to rate my friend's 'husband material' quality if I saw they had a vibe. To a girl it's funnier, more emotionally relevant, and IMO you are eliciting more accurate values you want her to express). I believe I talk about it to an extent in older posts from former hook ups. Anyway, the concept at play is having her illicit her values. Pretty amazing stuff. After a girl elicits her values (it’s like an emotional compliance level), it subsequently emotionally forces her to search and identify those values with you. In other words, she's the one selling herself on you. It's your choice which values you want to express (ONS, FB, GF, husband material, etc.) I know other “gurus” have talked about eliciting values, but I've taken this to whole new level from what I've seen. The next level, synthesizing a few PU concepts, is I eliciting my values while simultaneously leading and qualifying her on them. I consider this a significant piece of my "game" (which I won’t go into now). This ain’t no child’s play. Here's an example of a simple mutual value elicitation (the majority of my qualifying and obvious leading has already been laid out in the conversational part): I came up with this during a hook up in February with a gorgeous (solid '9') 20 yr old medical student from Holland while flying back from Rio, Brazil. She had just had the "time of her life" frolicking on some secluded beach with her boyfriend (who visited her from Holland) and was "in love". (WARNING: This is almost evil how devastating this is. I am a bad man . Since this has evolved, I only use this for "putting the final nail in the coffin" and speeding things up with girls I see myself pursuing for more than one night. Otherwise, it's just plain evil to give these girls these emotions and ditch her.)
During some amazing conversation lasting some 2+ solid hours into the flight, I ask Holland girl: Me: Can you take a sincere compliment? Her: Yeah. Me: Me too. You first. (I adapted Papa's old school sincere compliment opener and evolved it into my eliciting values model. Though I've never used this as an "opener" before, it just came to me. I was already leading the conversation, but my intuition told me I needed her to emotionally escalate more and faster) This is powerful in a conversational dynamic. Every time I've said this, I've consistently been told the most amazing genuine compliments I've ever heard in my LIFE (it's not just one compliment either, you end up getting a long story of how awesome you are). Practice this after you know a girl likes you. After Holland girl gave me my compliment, I was so impressed, that even 'I' was blushing. I liked this because it differentiated her from other girls and made me like her MORE. It was like she opened up her soul (gay) to tell me all the deeper emotions that she genuinely loved about my personality in a way nobody has EVER told me. Wow. She aimed to impress and she did. Again, note that I led her to express herself without judgment. After this, I honestly told her how I was stunned by her comments (now, I'm an alpha dude so you can see the contrast-she’s earning me and doing a great job of breaking me down). She then asked me for her compliment, to which I replied that I've never been good at giving compliments (true) and don't think I could ever come close to the one she gave me. In turn, I proceed to compliment her based on the positive values that she’s already expressed in our conversation leading up to this point. Being a compliment, I tell her how much I genuinely admire and like those values and give examples of why (ie. I'm eliciting my values through the positive things I like about her-technically, I've been eliciting my values from the moment I sat next to her). Incidentally, Holland girl told me that I gave her the best compliment she's ever received. So, within three hours of meeting on the plane, I've led the interaction to such a strong emotional connection that she now feels like we’re soul mates (DDB X's 7). I am in the midst of an emotional frenzy and could tell this girl anything and she'd follow (btw, most people only hope to feel this once in their life—and then marry that person).
Now, I've said this in past posts, but maybe now you can see why I've said girls routinely fall in love with me. My comfort and connection "game" is pretty amazing. Better than anyone I've ever known anyway (props to growing up with cool sisters). Hey, we all have strengths. This FR fragment was only an example of a mutual value elicitation that happens when you create strong lasting bonds with people (btw, I also used the compliment bit to seal the deal with Playboy model). The real work though is during the conversation, which sets up my strong, yet sincere, leading frame and allows me to ask for a compliment. Additionally, the sincere compliment really wasn’t necessary except that I had a flight time-constraint and strong boyfriend LMR (we were already attracted to each other—I just needed to get her into a certain peak emotional state fast). http://rsdnation.com/showthread.php?p=43710#poststop
Working A LTR KesaGatame: Since I'm sure many of you have a good deal of expereince in this area, I was wondering: What makes a man stay desirable and work well in an LTR? What does the AFC boyfriend do as opposed to the non-AFC boyfriend? What are some things a guy who is GOOD with women would do in a relationship that most men might not think of? What has made relationships work for you (and what hasn't)? Ultrafine: Here is some wisdom i got out of the Book "The way of the superior man" - Let your purpose come befor your relationship - Dont change your mind just to please your woman. Though always value her opinion - Stop hoping of your woman to get easyer Give her the gift of missing you - Praise her [I like the way you do this and that] - Dont tolerate her destructive emotions - lead her out of them - Dont analyze her, dont try to fix her, you are not her therapist - Make decisions, dont force her to make them - Let her relax in the demosntration of your direction
Nathan: How I am and in my experience... I think Ultrafine had some great points (I started reading Deida and it made a lot of sense--maybe that's why I got bored and couldn't finish it). I did pull a lot from Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead" though. Anyway, here's what I've found from my life. Call it from my own practical field experience and life philosophy... I think the big keys are all laid out in being a man. Never be reactive. Move with purpose. Follow your path as your #1 priority is extremely attractive. Girls are drawn to no end to that; additionally they understand that as part of you being a man. They want that. As an emotional being she will do everything in her power on an almost daily basis to distract you from that path. These are nothing more than congruence tests and she will like/love you more for being true to yourself. Allow/encourage her to fulfill her life to be as good a woman as she is hardwired to be (Pretty important; I could write a whole article just on this one) Lastly, give her the best sex of her life. She will ALWAYS come back for it because you give her the earth shattering emotions that she never feels normally or get anywhere else. In the end she can be as powerful outside the bedroom (CEO, president or whatever), but when she is there she KNOWS she is YOUR woman. She needs this and will always remember it (it will be in the back of her mind somewhere always). I am personally known to be not just a great lover, but can also, when I want to, be extremely dominant. I do that not just because I love both whenever I feel it, but also feel there are times I have to show her my dominance. They want that; they want to know that you are ultimately in charge (Sometimes I will literally make her say it to me--I stumbled upon this in college where I had a pretty cute FB that I stole her virginity from. At first I did it because I didn't really care about her, it was cheesy as hell, and thought it would be hilarious. Anyway, as I was fucking her I kept telling her, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY? WHO'S YOUR DADDY?" At first she didn't quite want to, and then she did and it was all over for her. It was like a big compliance test and once she gave up all power to me she knew I was the FUCKING MAN. She had probably never known what it was truly like to feel like a woman in her life until that moment. She's probably still dreaming about me somewhere-- from what I hear anyway. Lastly, I don't go to that extreme very much, but will do it a little less degradingly now-I used to be such an asshole).
Real_World: Allow/encourage her to fulfill her life to be as good a woman as she is hardwired to be (Pretty important; I could write a whole article just on this one) Could you elaborate on how to encourage her? Do you mean career wise? Or just encouraging to improve herself in general? ahhh, this is difficult. I can't even say I'm the best because a long term relationship dynamic is exactly that--a dynamic. I encourage a woman to be the best person that she she thinks she can be and how she knows she can be. You have to know women's core directives: love, family, relationships, community, and somewhat, status among peers. The latest example is with my current playboy model gf. If i cared or wasn't strong enough she could fuck ANYBODY (and she's reminded me of this). With all the glamour and hollywood lights I got her with my realness. I showed her my core values and got her to express hers. That alone was enough to fuck her the first night. From there I haven't change. I stuck with who I am. I am working on my own life goals-ish things. I don't pressure her, but I expect her to be a certain way. I have told her her I need a strong independent women because I am tough to be with and expect a lot. I expect her to be everything a woman is--loving, caring, sweet, honest, and to follow and trust me (the latter is solely based on me as a man). I know and understand when she isn't that way then she IS or will be unhappy. She has to be redirected back to those core values at some time or she will hate you or her life (I don't want either). This is difficult guys. When she's not who I think she should be (that is if she's doing something that distracts her from who I think she should be--a joyous fulfilled woman), then I will her call her on it. No, I'm not an asshole and tell her to shut the fuck up and do something (unless that rare time when she needs it--ie. express dominance), but I will talk to her about things in an emotionally related manner. A lot of times it comes down to realness again. I will tell her or emotionally charge her to show her what is really important to her or me or us personally or as a whole. I will often just leave her alone to come back to me for guidance. She understands and knows. I do lead a lot, but I am also very loose-like because I do give her freedoms to do what she thinks is good--If I think it's not right I will again call her on it and tell her to cut it out (very easy for her). I can't tell you how many times I tell girls to stop thinking so much. It just works. blah, blah, this is too much for me to do justice to. This is just more of how I do things and I can't say I'm the best.
Relationships can be hard man. I just have a lot of faith in the direction I'm going and allow her to be a part of it............................................. "PS (side question on LTRs): How often were you in touch with your LTR durring the day? I know poeple that send like 10 texts and 2 calls a day. Some people talk every night (some people say these convos last hours, some people say they don't last hours). Some poeple call daily and just catch up a bit (few minutes, 10 maybe...) and maybe send 1 text a day outside of that. I tend to be one of the latter, I usually make one call and maybe send a text (usually just as a reply). I try to see the girl 5 days out of the week as well, which isn't so hard because shes local but I'm busy as well. What did YOU do and what might you recomend as general principles/concepts/tricks for this spectrum of the LTR game?" (Thats what I [KesaGatame]sent to Nathan via PM, a very interesting topic IMHO) ' First of all I have many variations of LTRs. I even consider FBs to an extent an LTR dependent on time (unless we're just doing business-which again I could write another whole post on because these situations rarely last without them wanting more). I have different ‘girlfriends’ that I date for a while with sex--This was a newer one because for most of my life I held out on ever giving any relationship 'titles' because I always felt like they fucked up good things when you did. So, I think that’s true to being a player. You can either give many girls titles of ‘girlfriend’ or, like me, be honest and tell her that you just enjoy being with her and don’t want to change it (open ended). What I used to do through college was explain why it’s wrong to change our dynamic and how becoming strictly boyfriend-girlfriend will ruin our relationship. Titles seemed to give people entitlements that were unnecessary and only messed things up. I changed toward the end of college because of one ‘girlfriend’ though. I didn’t change for a couple years afterwards, but she was the catalyst because I didn’t forget the impression she left me. She told me, and at the time I ignored, that “some girls with low self esteem (her) need to hear that you’re her boyfriend”. What happened was I ignored her and eventually lost her so she could go fuck some players while studying abroad in Spain (I don’t really know, she suddenly just stopped talking to me before she left). The point is that ALL girls are low self esteem. If you are THE MAN, then they ALL will want more from you after a period of time no matter what (sex from the beginning a given). By her hearing
you are her boyfriend VALIDATES them because relationships of all types are what they are put on this earth for. Otherwise, she will only feel like she is being used regardless of how much fun you are having together (some girls like porn stars are a more detached from sex, but really it’s not the sex that’s causing this-it’s the commitment they are giving you that they have to validate) What’s the difference here? Well, I couldn’t change because I knew I was right. What I realized later after a few of these experiences (lots of them) was that I needed to change something. Too many girls were walking away mad. I was already extremely honest and upfront with them about how I feel, but I wasn’t empathetic enough to relate it to them and how THEY are hard wired to be. Now, I may be older (30) and less pussy crazed than when I was 20, but I was born to be and still am a player. It’s in my blood. If girls I’m hooking up with force the issue and I feel they deserve to be my boyfriend (in short, putting up with my shit for a period of time that impressed me), then I will make them my girlfriend. Right now, I have two girls that I rotate. Two is all the time I can afford right now. I think this is best because, as Kahlil Gibran from “The Prophet” says, “Let there be spaces in your relationships”. I think that’s key and keeps things fresh and growing proportionately. If over time we find ourselves wanting to spend more and more time together to the point that we think we’ve found our ‘soul mates’ then I will know then that she’s the one. Otherwise, I do not force relationships. Like women, I pursue but do not chase. EDITED. Getting back to your first question, sometimes I’m extensively in touch with her over a few days or a week and will be very committed. Then I will give it a break because I normally have to catch up with time consuming important things that I need to focus on. We will have short chats in between, sometimes a long one, and they will normally always text or myspace me throughout. But normally when I am focused on something I really don’t have much else time to go into long ordeals with them unless it’s important. Sometimes I won’t say a thing for a few days. Normally, just to let them know I’m not blowing them off, I will text them something like, “I was just thinking of you…” and then go back to work or whatever I’m doing (Ie. I just did that because I’ve been working on buying a new business lately). You know a lot of this is very dynamic as well. Just a lot of going with how things go. If we get a good text thing going on, I’ll stop and do that. Or if there’s something I really want to tell a girl, I’ll call her and talk about it. There’s no
rules to anything. I can’t even tell you that in the beginning of relationships we start out seeing each other massively and then let things tail off. I’ve done it that way, and other times, it’s been where I fuck her the first night and I don’t see her for months afterwards. A lot of getting with a girl is just about timing for both of you. It happens. Anyway, that’s a pretty good rough personal look at how I am and some of my evolution. Final note: Girls with boyfriends Another spontaneous ‘in the shower’ realization. Many girls I've dated ALREADY had boyfriends. It's like a code and we both spoke the same language. I was just doing what hot girls do all the time--dating around and see what's out there (we’re both players, but what makes me better is she never sure I am-girls always tell me how disarming/unassuming I am--we just have this amazing connection like we're best/old friends. Anyway, I’m very comfortable to be around and POOF, SHIT JUST HAPPENS HaHaHa!). They get it. That's why it's never a problem as well. The hard part with girls with boyfriends is managing expectations. Most of the time she’s just biding her time with her lame/boring boyfriend to preserve her ego (ie. covering her bases) and more than willing to leave him. When you first meet, she will tell you-not blatantly-if she’s available or not, so this is not a matter of ethics (you guys want to be true players so I’m telling you straight). I don’t pursue unless she codes me that I’m what she’s looking for. Otherwise, I will not force ANYTHING. No need to. There’s tons of hot girls out there and I don’t need the hassle or drama. It can be a pain in the ass so I definitely do some screening of my own (normally she’s qualifying herself so much she’ll take care of that—these girls get it, come on. They’re smarter than you think! I just happen to own their playbook ). But, when I am seeing a girl with a boyfriend while most guys will try and steal her from her boyfriend (because fuck I love her already. lol. retards), I normally won’t. I just have fun for as long as it lasts and HOPE that she’s someone I want as a full time girlfriend. Unless I know initially “I want this girl as my own”, in the meantime, I have to manage her expectations to bide my time to figure us out more (also, it can be cool to be her ‘secret’ lover-ie. ‘Unfaithful’ the movie). The reason I bide my time is because two things happen in this phase if you’re THE man (otherwise she’s probably just using you for dangerous and exciting sex) 1. she’s either gonna get attached (girls love to "fall in love" with zero buy signals from me) and only want to be with you or 2. want to know if your
‘relationship’ is going somewhere. This is funny because frequently after a period of time she’ll still somewhat want you to be monogamous while she's with her boyfriend --sheeaa right. I love this irony and they know it the minute it comes out of their mouths. So, if she wants to be your girlfriend. She’s hot, or rather any girl, and used to getting what she wants so she’ll expect you’d jump at her ‘buy signals’. Fuck that. If I want her I’d take her and I tell her that. What many times ends up happening though is that she won’t be able to handle it and will have to stop seeing you (it goes too far against her hardwired knowledge and social conditioning—sometimes it’s just too hard of a decision because of the commitment she’s already put into her secure ‘beta-male’ provider). That doesn’t matter because if you’re a a pimp and if you truly thought she was ‘the one’ material you would have taken her after the first few meetings. These rendezvous are more short lasting. Sucks I know. I was in your girlfriend when you were busy working (I've done my time working and knew better so fuck off-haha. That’s true Secret Society shit) Lastly, if nothing I’ve talked about makes sense to you, you can be a PUA, but you aren’t a player in my book. Period. Minus the deep psychological details, a lot of this is obvious shit to all my player friends. Fuck your morals. This is reality. Consider this a bootcamp preview of shit that I can talk about, though, that may just be me. Seriously, at the core, understand that I LOVE women and that’s why I even know what I know and can do what I do. http://rsdnation.com/showthread.php?p=33534#poststop My favourite new extraction method Venue: Hollywood red carpet event BACKSTORY AND BUILDUP: Thursday night. See a Hollywood cutie outside that I met back in January. I tell her I love her. She tells me she loves me more. I reward her with a hug and claw her into venue for every girl to envy. In a little over an hour of general socializing, lording, and blatant flirting Hollywood cutie wants to hook up. I am Maximus and Victory is imminent. Her tourist-cousin tells us,
"You guys just need to go fuck somewhere". I smile at my new found dating coach and her unique sense of the obvious. Unfortunately, it's too early and the place is OOZING with a STUNNING congregation of models (like two beautiful models for every chode). Hooking up with Hollywood cutie has become plan B. I make her part of my quasi-social circle and earmark her for later. Ironically, the cousin sees I'm not closing THAT MOMENT and decides to drag Hollywood cutie away so she can hook up somewhere else (cousin was only 'cute' in this cornucopia of beauties and there weren't enough dudes to go around). THE MEET: Girl is dragged away. Seconds later I'm chatting with my lovely model of closest proximity and beauty. She's eyeball fucking me through my clothes. A less secure man might have felt violated, but I bask in the glory of her total lack of shame and determination to IOI me. I reward her with a smile and hold her hand. She gives me props for being so good with women (Note to self: she's been watching me for a WHILE). Model thanks me for approaching and paying attention to her. I'm starting to like this girl. She then tells me she's 26 and has been married to a 77 year old sugar daddy the past 6 years (a common LA occurrence). I feel bad for her sexual frustration. MY NEW FAVORITE EXTRACTION METHOD: We dance a little and I let her touch my sexy abs through my shirt. We chat for ~30 minutes letting our sexual intent and touch grow bolder. Next, following my gut, I grab our jackets lying nearby and tell her to put hers on. Never saying a word about what's next, I take her hand, lead her past the DJ and go-go dancers, out of the VIP area, through the hallway, past the bar, through the reception, out the front door, past the red carpet, through the exit gate barrier, continue walking to my car, open my passenger side door, she gets in, I close the door, drive to my house, park and lead her through my front door. Just led and never hesitated. http://rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=6669
Being Sexual
Showtime wrote about a sex-quiz as an extraction-tool. Nathan’s reply: Do you guys see the lesson in this? Getting and talking to the girl sexually in a non-threatening manner. It's obvious how the quiz would work and you can replicate the same effect in any conversation during rapport. Additionally, in my experiences this is a great tool for one-night-stands and, flatly, just closing the deal. As a matter of fact, I almost always try to get some sexual conversation going if I'm interested. Mainly I do this in rapport. I love to talk about sex and I know girls do too. It's like it's naughty or forbidden in converstation. I say some of the stupidest sh*t and they love it. I tell them about retarded stories girls have told me about hooking up with me, things girls tell me about sex, and how I've dealt with different hookups. I don't give them a laundry list, but generally I tell them at least one funny hook up story that happened to me or a friend. The key to get them thinking sexually 'under-the-radar' (ie. a non-threatening way). How I talk to them about sex is in a matter of fact way--like it's a normal conversation that happens to be about sex--and humorously. Sex is very much part of my life and my reality. Example: School teacher one-night-stand (this happened to be the experience that crystalized to me what I did naturally--plus it is probably the most graphicly extreme sexual conversations I've had in a bar): I was still in college in Austin, Texas many years ago and my brother had just graduated so we went out to celebrate (this is before I knew about RSD or 'the community'). That night I was in a bar randomly talking to some girls with my 2 brothers (in hind site I cold approached the 3 set). Now, I tend to dominate sets and I see the hottest girl (the reason I approached) is really starting to get into me. She a school teacher and I think I role played with her about it. About 15 minutes into the conversation I used one of my current favorite transitions (I had just read ***), "why are you talking about sex? What are you sexually frustrated?". She went from interested to MASSIVELY interested. I took that cue to continue and joke about sex and how it must suck to be her (in a not having sex frame). So, there is now a HIGH vibe going on and to close it (unconsciously) I whispered in her ear exactly what I love to do during sex. I got pretty graphic. I don't recommend doing this if you don't know how to come off creepy. I owned the vibe so I knew I could do anything--I was the 10. I actually wasn't thinking of hooking up that night either--bros before hoes mentality. I, honestly, really wanted my brothers to hook up before me (something to consider about my mindset). Anyway, at closing time she gives me her number and says she has to
drop off her friend and to call her in a half hour to come over. Bam! that's how it was done. Girls will CONSISTENTLY have to take care of their friends and later come back to hook up--if you run a good set. Now, many of you guys wouldn't be comfortable talking sexually right off the bat. Others yes or if you're good this should be common sense. For beginners, i would start by sexually 'pinging' them. Drop something sexual and see if she is receptive and takes it from there. If she gives a look of 'this conversation just got interesting' then continue. Don't start off getting too graphic. I don't even really do this unless she gets really into it or I own the set beyond belief and I'm doing it to play with her. Normally, I don't really care if she's receptive because I know my stories are good-- after all, it's just another story, frequently about my life, that I'm telling matter of factly. There's still somewhat of a 'ping' in there (look up 'reading a vibe') because I am always looking to see her reactions to see where to go next. If she isn't laughing or 'getting into the conversation' then I will switch topics. That's also fine because I have already planted the seed or "dropped the SOI". Sometimes she's just not quite there yet. Let that seed grow and later in more rapport or comfort or whenever you feel it it will be natural and/or a comeback story. Another tip, after telling a slightly sexually veiled story, ask her questions suspiciously or matter-of-factly like, "don't you hate it when that happens?". I also show I know the score and have emotional relevance to what girls are like by saying, "girls are so funny when they do this...yadda, yadda, yadda" or "I see it all the time, girls ...do this...". Once I've laid the framework down and she's bought my frame, i ask her about her experiences and what SHE'S like (so I am also qualifying and LEADING her into my frame if she were to be my next hook up). Once I've sold it, I can do whatever I want with her. KEY points leading up to this: don't be dependent on her responses, because this is like any normal conversation to me. This is NOT creepy. I am having fun! Btw, another transitory question I've recently adopted from my boy Tim in Australia is, "where's the craziest place you've had sex?" and create a conversation about it. http://rsdnation.com/showthread.php?p=31135#post31135
100% Guaranteed Never to Flake Gameplan haha-- never the biggest forum writer, I think this is my first ever thread starter.... Anyway, Tyler says I need to do a lot more writing to hash out a lot of my stuff that I've never really documented. A lot of my views come from different perspectives than people are used to (and MANY are counterintuitive), but the core principles rarely change. The first thing that comes to mind is that as many people know I am VERY big on leading. Lead, lead, lead. I am also, when it comes to being a player, probably the laziest to have ever googled, "What the fuck is 'the community'?". By lazy, I am saying that I always want to maximize my results with the least amount of exerted energy. Call it natural game, but I just call it 'evolution' or "not wanting to be bored ever". There's Beauty in Simplicity I came to this realization a while ago that I am always moving forward or "on my path" so to speak and selfishly hated forcing anybody to do anything. I only wanted women (and a lot of things in life) that were receptive to me or my goals. Timing and receptivity is a HUGE issue in how far you go with women at any point in your "relationship". My relationships with women always begin the first moment I meet them and I always set the tone (I'm a very sexually dominant man). Women always do the choosing whether they sleep with you or not (after all, no girl has ever accidentally slipped and fallen on my dick), the only control you have over a situation is to be as awesomely attractive as possible to where she would think or feel in her mind that she would have to be retarded to pass up a chance with you. That's a core concept of my game. Anyway, being congruent with that, I decided that I never ever wanted a girl to desire me for anything other than WHO I AM. No button pushing, just exactly that-just who I am. How do you do that? I have a LOT on that, but here's a piece exemplified in my meet ups. 100% Guaranteed Never to Flake Gameplan for meet ups: No matter what I'm doing or where I am I am always doing things in accordance to things that I want to do or ALREADY doing--lots of the time because I *know* it will be amusing to me or at the least I want some company as I do my normal thing.
For me, the best and fastest way to escalate a relationship (friend, FB, or GF) and get to know a girl is to have serious 1on1 time. That means no going out with her friends or anyone else. My goal is just to get her sooo comfortable with me that "things just happen". Logistics are key, but it all begins in my mindset. Women are abundant. Meeting up with women is an almost every day affair. Most of my life I have been around women in some capacity and know that there is nothing to be scared or worried about. Therefore, when I go for meet ups with women I make it casual because that is EXACTLY what it is to me. Almost like meeting the coolest new friend (except I'm a dominant and sexual man). I literally plan things I normally do in my life and invite women along to join me (I just don't tell them what we're doing as a surprise). If they don't make it then it doesn't matter. I am already doing something that I would've done anyway. Oh well (btw, if they don't make it for some reason, there's a good chance we will later anyway... that's for another post probably titled, "empathy in game and not losing track of the ultimate goal"). Another thing about this is this takes all the pressure off meeting someone you don't know. Most dudes get nervous, or plainly project something weird and incongruent with themselves (opposite of comfort), on the phone with girls, which creates some sort of unnecessary pressure or tension on both of you that kills the chance of ever meeting up (they also fail to alleviate expectations set from when you first met). My tone on the phone is always to build comfort from being chill to playful to excited. I don't tell them what we're doing, but I do get excited as hell about the surprise (not overly!!). Normally, my phone convo goes like this: after some chatting and seeing our schedules synch we agree to meet up. I tell her to come meet me at my place and we'll go from there. If she asks or not I'll tell her, "Just come over it's a surprise. I'll tell you when you get here". Once she comes over, normally it's one of many possible things that I'm normally doing. My classic one is lead her on a walk to the grocery store and buy my weekly groceries. Sometimes they pay for them, which is always great. On the way back I ask her about her must have awesome cooking abilities and naturally, whatever her answer is, I tell her we're cooking dinner (The rest can be for my magical Day 2 post).
When we're back at my place, girls are not stupid and know what's up. They won't admit, or cognitively realize, what's happening because they love it and we're really getting to know each other which is always fascinating. Everything down to the final close is always just my normal way of getting to know a girl more and let our "relationship" evolve-whichever way it may go. Like my old football coach used to say after we scored a touchdown, "Have class. Act like you've been there before". Point being, with women, nothing is ever a big deal until you make it one. Don't ever project meet ups, sex, phone numbers, socializing, or anything like that like it might be weird or you're out of your league--be comfortable with it and people will follow. Act like you've been there before, even if you haven't, and that will get you laid a hundred times over. http://rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=16706
