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«Y
ou’re kidding, right?», Misato jerked on her feet dropping her book on the ground. «Please, don’t do that...», I begged her to sit down again. I had reached her in the garden, I knew that she had a little time to study before practice and I would have gone later to the cooking class just to talk to her about that thorny matter. «You can’t go to the hot spring with those two!», she got upset. «Find an excuse with your mother, please!» «You know I can’t. We’ve been planning this trip together for a year» «But why with Asakawa?», she nervously passed her hand through her hair. «I already told you why, my mother and Ritsuko have been friends since high school, they made plans together», I tried to explain. «I know, but this has nothing to do with us!», she bit her lips. «Misato, don’t you trust me?», I looked her in the eyes. «I didn’t say that, it’s just...», she avoided my glance. «I don’t trust Asakawa» «Well then, you could come with us, what do you think?» As soon as she heard those words, she lifted her head all of a sudden with a disoriented expression: «We can’t do that. Asakawa and I will only find excuses to fight, you know that!», she replied huffy. «Rei made me a promise and she’s keeping it, as you can see. She’s also stopped coming to the shop», I said, opening my arms jaded. «What else can I do?» «Find an excuse and don’t go?», she insisted, then she gathered her book and started to leave. «Wait», I grabbed her by an arm. «I’m sorry, I need to think. I’ll call you tonight», she said in a whisper and lengthened her stride towards the building. When I came back to the class, the cooking course had just begun. I greeted with courtesy and wore the apron. «Hey, what happened?», Yukino asked me right away worried. 232
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«You see...», I hesitated. I told her everything while we were preparing the frosting for the sweets, which were cooking in the oven. My best friend sighed in my place: «What a mess», she exclaimed. «I would come with you to the hot springs to referee if I could, but sadly I really can’t» «I can totally see you doing that», I let slip an ironic laugh. «Seriously, these two are getting me a little tired. I can’t see you in this state anymore!», she cried out while whipping energetically the egg white with the whisk. «Just go slower, or you’ll make them collapse» «No, you will collapse if those two won’t come to an agreement!», she snorted. «Actually, since I talked to her, Rei stepped aside» «You think so? I’m not so sure», Yukino shrugged. «I could...», I blabbered. «I could ask her to invite Nishie-san...», I mulled. «What?», Yukino jolted. «I don’t know if you’re a sadist, a masochist or both. You’ll be eating your heart out, you know that really well!», she gesticulated. «I will either way», I blatantly sighed. «I might as well find the most painless solution», I concluded and started to brush the freshly baked sweets with the frosting we had made before. I wrote a message to Rei before leaving the class, asking her if we could talk; shortly after she replied that she would have waited for me at the school gate. I eventually convinced myself that it was the right call. I was sure that I would have managed a way to make my mother and Ritsuko accept the presence of two others schoolmates. Maybe I had been too impulsive, but I wanted to solve the problem right away: I was not in the mood to fight with Misato over her jealousy for Rei anymore. Moreover, I was concerned thinking at myself being alone with her in the same room... “It’s better to see her with another girl at this point!”, I bit my lower lip lengthening my stride towards the entrance. Rei was already there waiting, she was leaning against the fencing wall. 234
«Hi Miyuki», she widened her lips in a smile and my heart skipped a beat. «I need to talk to you», I lowered my eyes and told her everything I had in mind all at once. «Do you want me to invite Nishie-san?», she asked puzzled. «Yes, it would be nice if she comes too. There will be Misato too and at least... You know, we would be all together and...» «Wouldn’t I be the third wheel?», she glance at me changing expression. «Well, I didn’t mean that», I avoided her look again feeling uncomfortable. «I got it», Rei cut it short, going back to her unfriendly attitude. «I’ll ask her» «Thank you», I paused. «I’m sorry I didn’t reply your text the other day», at that point, I lift my head again crossing her emotionless eyes. «You don’t have to explain anything», she replied aloof. «See you tomorrow», she ended leaving. I clenched a hand to my chest and headed to the gym: “It’s the right decision!”, I repeated to myself holding back my tears. Since when I became so sensitive I cry for every silly thing? “Stop it now, Miyuki!”, I reproached myself standing in front of the entrance of the gym. Shortly after, I saw Misato going out together with her dear childhood friend. «Miyuki!», she reached me. «Thank you for waiting for me» she smiled happy. «See you tomorrow», said Yamato raising a hand, then he walked away fast. «Can I walk a little way with you?», I asked her coming up beside her. «Sure, but... is something wrong?», she took my hand. «It’s about what we said before, isn’t it? I’m sorry, it’s just that I didn’t know how to process the whole thing, try to understand» «I found the solution», I said at that point. «What do you mean?» «I talked with Rei, I told her to invite Nishie-san too, from third class A» «Nishie-san... isn’t she part of the student council?» 235
«Yup, it’s her» «And what does she have to do with Asakawa?» «Actually... they’re close. These past few days they were together all the time» «That’s great!», Misato sighed in relief, then she went back to be herself. «I’m sorry, I shouldn’t rejoice like that, should I?» «No, you shouldn’t», I squinted at her. «I can relate, though» «Thanks... Miyuki», she pulled me to her. «Did you do all of this for me?» «I did because it’s seemed the right thing to do. Look, there won’t be any problem with your parents, right? We already met after all, they even invited me for lunch», I smiled at her. «What do you mean?», asked Misato, puzzled. «Well, you will come with us, won’t you? If there’ll be Nishie-san, you and Rei won’t have any chance to fight» Misato’s face changed expression. «Miyuki... I... won’t be able to come», she got gloomy. «Why? You told me you didn’t have anything to do during summer vacations», I stepped in front of her, unbelieving. «You don’t want me to be alone with them, do you?» «I told you that the best solution would have been not to go», she insisted, letting go my hand. «May I know what’s gotten into you now? You were so happy a moment ago!», I started to get nervous. «Well, knowing you won’t be alone with Asakawa reassures me, obviously!», she replied. «Ah, sure! So I’ll have to spend four days with them without you? Can you explain me why?» «There’s nothing to explain!», Misato snapped, leaving me speechless. «I’m sorry but today we really can’t understand each other» «Okay», I breathed. «Are you hiding me something?», I hit the mark, making her turn pale in the face all of a sudden. «Very well, it seems like I guessed right», I narrowed my eyes. Misato didn’t reply and I came closer 236
of one step, meeting her eyes. «Take all the time you want to and when you’ll be ready, just give me a call», I turned away and left. She didn’t even try to stop me. I came back home discouraged. I didn’t expect that Misato would react like that. «Miyuki, are you back?», I heard my mother’s voice calling me. «Yes, it’s me» «Take a bath immediately, then come to eat, ok?» «Ok, fine», I replied apathetic going up the stairs to my room. I fell on the bed for a moment with my arms opened: I didn’t know what to think anymore. When I entered the dining room, my mother was already waiting for me at the table: «Did Dad go out tonight too?», I asked starting to put the dinner on the dishes. «Yeah, he said that he had a bowling tournament» «A bowling tournament, uh?», I rolled my eyes. «We barely moved here and he’s...» «Don’t say anything else, please», my mother stopped me. «He’s the same as always, you know that», she turned toward me with resignation. «Once he’ll be over with this umpteenth crush, he’ll be back his usual self» «Yeah, but, for how long?», I looked at her feeling sorry. «Aren’t you tired of this whole situation?» «Sweetheart, at this point, I don’t care anymore. You’re grown up now and the bakery is going fine even without him», she shrugged. «In a few days we’ll leave to go to the hot springs, I just want to think about that now», she smiled at me. «Yes, you’re right», I returned the smile holding my real state of mind back: I’d never ruined my mother’s vacation just because my girlfriend was jealous, especially considering the delicate moment she was going through... Misato didn’t call me that night and she avoided me at school the day after. I let her have her space; I wouldn’t have forced her to talk to me if 237
she didn’t want to. The one who did surprise me, instead, was Rei, who arranged to meet me on the roof to talk to me: «I asked Nishie-san if she wanted to join us», she said clinging on the fence with a hand. «Uh, yeah», I went week in the knees. «What did she tell you?» «She was happy that I asked her that», she looked down with empty eyes. «She didn’t expect that» «G-Good!», I blabbered feeling agitated, against my will. «So, is she coming?» «No, unfortunately, she can’t», she came away from the fence and reached me. «She has to go to Nagoya with her parents; they’ve been set that for a while» «U-uh...» «I found another solution to your problem, though», she glared at me. «I’ll tell my mother I won’t go», she started off catching me unprepared. «Which reason will you use?», I asked holding her look, which was distant like it used to be. «You don’t have to worry about that», she ended passing me by. «Rei, wait», I called her. «We have nothing to discuss», she said while having her back to me, and at that point my instinct prevailed: I run towards the door and got in front of her. «This is not fair!», I cried out. «I don’t want you to give up on your vacations because of a whim» «A whim?», she looked at me perplexed. «I understand Fujiwara’s reaction, trust me» «Thank you», I felt my heart warming up. «I don’t, though», I left her astonished. «So, what do you want me to do?» «Come with us and, please, forgive me for causing you trouble asking you to invite someone else» «No problem, I’m telling you, Nishie was happy about that», she said a bit embarrassed. 238
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«She likes you», came out of my mouth. «She must have thought that’s mutual» Rei didn’t reply. «Is everything ok with her?», I hazarded, instantly regretting that stupid question. «Do you want to be my confidant?», she laughed. «We’re childhood friends, after all... aren’t we?», I strove to say, caged in that role that I had built with my own hands by then. «She’s a good girl», she replied narrowing her eyes. «A person who must be treated well, just like you said» «Well, then», I started to feel the usual ache to my stomach. «Miyuki, I’m only helping her with the student council work. Don’t get strange ideas, please», she immediately clarified. «Of course... and then... you know, it’s none of my business», I replied nervous. «I’ve gotta go back now», Rei cut it short. «Take care», she bowed and shut the door on her back, leaving me there by myself, captured once again by that blue sky that you can admire from up there. I let myself steal my childhood friend’s favorite angle: I went up to the terrace and laid down looking up with my arms crossed under my head. Creamy white clouds chased, intersected and distanced one another, inevitably remembering me my relationships with the people closer to me. I received a message from Misato that afternoon: «Please, forgive my behavior yesterday, I know I was wrong. If it’s ok with you we can meet on Saturday when you finish at work» «On Saturday? We’ll leave for the hot springs the day after!», I cried out loud drawing my classmates attention, while they were cleaning the classroom. “She decided not to come, then”, I put my phone back in the bag, disappointed by her attitude. “There’re still four days left, doesn’t she care to see me before?”, I wondered while I was finishing to set the tables. «Hey, disputed princess», Yukino reached me. «Shall we go home together?», she asked winking at me. «Sure, you have a perfect timing as usual» 240
During the way home, I brought my best friend up-to-date about the latest news, and she thought that Misato’s behavior was strange, too. «Surely the captain is busy with her studies and trainings, but...» «I know her at this point. There’s something bothering her and she doesn’t know how to tell me» «Like the story about the cookies?», Yukino asked thoughtful. «Yes... I guess so» «You know, Miyuki-chan, if I told you that I don’t like the captain I’d be lying...», she paused. «She’s beautiful, charming and she’s always kind with everyone» «That’s true», I smiled at her. «The last one is one of her finer points» «But... I don’t know If I could bear all of this change of mind like you do», she got nervous. «You know, you put aside your feelings for Asakawa, you reassured her, you constantly prove her how much you care... That’s annoying» «Oh, yeah, it is indeed», I sighed. «What would you do?» «Well, I’d probably slap her around», she started off bringing her bag on her back. «She’s too tall» «I’d find the way, trust me», she snorted making me laugh. «I hope she has a good reason to act like that», she ended stopping in front of the gate of my house. «I hope that, too, for her sake» «You know what?», she mellowed in the face. «The class rep is changing. She’s become more cheerful and kind. Falling in love with you did her good», she winked at me making me blush. «Please, don’t say such things», I avoided her look. «Hey, Miyuki!», she messed with my hair. «I’m rooting for you, in all circumstances, just remember that!» «How can I forget?», I met her eyes again. «You’re the best friend anyone can have», I clenched her hand between mine feeling more relieved. Yukino always knew how to comfort me. I put aside the torment of that last period, I focused on my studies and on the cooking, and I promised 241
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to myself not to wonder about anything anymore until Saturday. As I had imagined Misato kept in touch only by texts and at school we briefly met just twice. And also in that occasion, I took the initiative to greet her. I didn’t expect anything different from her in any case, but I, like Yukino, wished that the attitude of the girl with whom I decided to be together with had a reason, because I was starting to feel tired about all of that. I waited so much for that mythical Saturday afternoon that when I met with Misato alone my mood was unbelievably serene. «Shall we go out?», she said with a serious face. «Sure, give me just a moment to change», I untied the apron. «If you want you can pick something here in the shop in the meantime» «No, thanks. I’ll wait you outside», she said going out of the shop. I quickly fixed myself up and followed her. «Shall we go to the gardens?», she led the way. «Alright», I went beside her. «I’m happy to see you again», I said looking at her profile. «Me too» «You do? You couldn’t tell», I sighed. «You look so... gloomy», I tried to provoke her, but it wouldn’t do. Misato gave a hint of a smile, then she got serious again. «There, here is quiet enough», she signed me to sit on the bench and I obeyed. Misato turned her back on me for a moment taking some time, then she turned toward me clearly anxious. That day she was wearing a white shirt, the shorts and a pair of nice ankle boots, an elegant jewel was going down her neck. «You’re very pretty dressed like this», I said trying to break the ice again and put her at ease. «Thank you, you’re adorable, too», the captain finally smiled at me. «Do you really think that?», I crossed my legs. «You didn’t even take my hand during all the way here», I pretended to be offended. «Miyuki, do you remember about that girl I talked you about?», she suddenly started off ignoring what I had just said. 243
«Yes, of course», I straightened up on a sudden, finally realizing what was awaiting me. «Well, at this point I have to talk about that with you», she squinted her eyes. «Why now?», I started to feel nervous. «You’ll go to the hot springs with Asakawa tomorrow», she came closer meeting my eyes. «Will Nishie-san be there with you too?» «No, she won’t» «I see», she said between her teeth. «Honestly, Misato, can you tell me what’s happening? What does that girl have to do with this?», I started to lose my patience. «I’m getting there...», she took a pause, passing nervously a hand through her hair. «I hope you won’t judge me for what I’m about to tell you», she said. «The girl Rei and I fought over, it wasn’t really a girl...», she said without looking at me. «You mean that... you fought over a boy?», I asked puzzled. «No, what I meant is that... last year I didn’t have a relationship with someone the same age as us, but with an adult woman», she finally raised her eyes on me. «But, then...», I looked at her confused. «What does Rei has to do with you if...», I suddenly froze and a flash passed through my mind: the day of the aggression, Misato’s expression and her desperate kiss in the infirmary after calling to the Asakawas, then again in the bakery, embarrassed in front of Ritsuko like I’d never seen her before. «N-No, it can’t be...», I felt my lungs gasping for air. «The mysterious girl is... Rei’s mother?!», I jolted in shock. «Yes... it’s her», she bit her lips. «Ritsuko Hino Asakawa», she confessed remaining stiff on her place. I brought a hand on my mouth by instinct, feeling suddenly nauseous, and then I fell down sitting back as if I was drained of all my energy. «I... loved her» «Did you seriously fall in love with her?», I asked unbelieving. «I know that she could be my mother, but that’s how things went...» 244
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I stood there looking at her for a long moment: all of a sudden I was seeing Misato in a new light. «How did you two met? You’ve never been friends with Rei, as long as I know...», I tried to understand that farfetched story. «No, indeed. At the beginning, I didn’t know she was the mother of a schoolmate. Asakawa was already popular back in first year, but I wasn’t so close with her», she held tight her arms on her chest. «After an injury during a match I started to do physical therapy in a very popular center, where the best physiotherapist of the area worked. There I met Ritsuko», she explained. «We often saw each other, we had the same schedule and we did the same exercises because she also had some problems with her arm and her shoulder due to a sprain» «So, did you get closer?» «Yes, but our relationship began when we saw each other after a while. I ended my therapy; my elbow was as good as new. One day I was passing by the center to say hello and she was there, she was ending the last cycle of therapy. I was fascinated, looking at her, and in that moment I thought how good was seeing her so often... I missed her», she got embarrassed. «So, without thinking twice, I took courage and I invited her to grab some coffee. She agreed» «But didn’t she know that you attended high school?» «No», she tormented her lips again. «I took advantage of the fact that thanks to my height I always look older that I really am.... I made her believe I was attending the last year of university» «What’s this... a soap opera?», I cried out, bewildered. «In a way», she dimly laughed. «Did you know she was married?» Misato didn’t answer. «You only wanted to have fun, then?», I provoked her. «No, it’s not!», she got agitated. «When I realized I was in love with her, I did all my best to convince her about my feelings. Maybe it was crazy of me, but I really wanted something more. I didn’t care if we had to hide to meet or if we had to go to a hotel, I...» 246
«Oh God, Misato, please!», I interrupted her. «I don’t want to know the details!», I covered my eyes with a hand feeling a strong sensation of denial to the thought of Ritsuko and Misato together. «I’m sorry», her voice trembled. «Ignoring the difference in age between you two, Ritsuko was married... how could that happen?» «An arranged marriage doesn’t bring happiness. Ritsuko and her husband had separate love lives. They agreed only for appearances and I think he wouldn’t care much if it wasn’t for... », she stopped. «For..?», I pressed. «For your dear childhood friend», she concluded bitter. «So, that’s why? Rei caught you?», I felt my heart constricting. «Yes...», she let her arms fall along her bust. «One day she called me aside at school and she ordered me to let her mother alone. If I didn’t she would have told everything and... at that point my life was shattered», she squeezed her eyes suffering. «Ritsuko risked more than she could allow herself» «Of course, you were still underage... there could have been serious consequences», I felt my throat dry. «How long did your story last?» «Several months. Until Asakawa got in the way» «So, this is why you feel so much resentment for Rei?», I asked her in astonishment. «Well, don’t you realize you had an affair with her mother?» «It was cruel!», she got riled up. «Cruel?», I stood up going closer to her, at that point. «If I was her I would have done even worse, you know?», I looked at her with blame. «Worse than a blackmail?», she faced me. «Did you see how I beat those boys who attacked Rei up?» Misato stood quiet. «Everyone reacts differently. Rei threatened you, I would have probably put you in the hospital!», I stared at her with my fists clenched. «I knew you would have despised me for this. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you, but I’m sure Asakawa would have played this card once she got to be alone with you» 247
«Rei never mentioned anything about that. I really believed your version», I replied. «It’s not the fact that you had an affair with Ritsuko, but... why did you have to discredit Rei?» «I didn’t do that. I only told the truth», she upheld. «No, you didn’t! You told me that Rei stole your girlfriend just to have fun with her and then throw her away after using her! It’s not quite the same thing» «Maybe you misinterpreted me», Misato got angry. «Asakawa got in the way and threatened me! I had to end it with Ritsuko for her sake and my heart was torn apart... It was awful!» I was paralyzed by her reaction. It was clear how that wound was still opened in her heart. «You’re still in love with her?» The captain changed her expression: «Miyuki...», she took my hand. «Ritsuko was important to me, I cannot deny it. Even now, when I see her I feel strong emotions... but that is the past. You’re my present», she said in a solemn tone. «Forgive me», I moved back. «At this point, I need some time», I lowered my eyes feeling overwhelmed by too many opposite feelings. «Are you breaking up with me?», she worried. «Is it so serious for you the fact that I had an affair with a married woman?», she asked showing a bit of grudge. «No, it’s not that», I turned toward her, firm. «Why did you hide this from me until now and laid a non-existent blame on Rei?» «Asakawa doesn’t consider anybody’s feelings without worrying about the consequences; she’s selfish and doesn’t care if the people around her suffer! This doesn’t seem to matter for you though, does it?» «Maybe you’re right, the Rei of some month ago reflect very well your description but at least, when I look her in the face, I know who I’m dealing with», I replied. «Do you think she’s changed and that she doesn’t have skeletons in her closet?», she hissed, gloomy in the face. «She will let you down more than I did, you’ll see it», she concluded with a tone that sounded like a threat. 248
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«I don’t want to make any comparisons between you two», I took control of the discussion. «The point is that you lied to me and every time we have a problem, instead of immediately resolving it, we go for days!», I felt my blood rushing to my head. «I don’t know if you realize that we are still at the beginning of our relationship, but if you act like this starting from now... I wonder what will happen when we’ll have to face more serious issues!», I got upset leaving her without a chance to reply. We stood in silence for several minutes, both with our head down and our thousand-yard stare. Sadness had swallowed us up and it seemed like it was impossible to come up again from that state, but in the end Misato spoke again: «Let’s do this, these days you’ll have the time to clear head», she tried to take my hand and this time I let her. «I’ll do the same. You made me notice some sides of my personality that you don’t like. I also need to understand how to figure things out with myself», she breathed. «Miyuki, I don’t want to lose you» , she said in a whisper while her eyes were watering. «Fine, let’s do this», I said, feeling a huge necessity to cry. «I need to go back now» «Okay, I’ll stay here a bit more, if you don’t mind», she turned the other way. I walked away. I felt an ache to my stomach for every step I made. I still couldn’t believe that: Misato and Ritsuko, Rei who knew their story. “I wonder how she felt...”, I thought, weighed down by feelings of guilt for judging her without knowing how things really were. When I arrived in the pastry shop, I started working fast until closing hour. «Miyuki, you can go now», my mother called me back when she saw me so focused on cleaning the shop window. «I’m almost done», I replied without even turning. «Miyuki-san, I can do that if you want», Sakura stepped in, and she was worried about me, too. «No, don’t worry, I got this», I insisted. One hour later I was finishing to set the tables, the shop was closed and I was alone in the room. 250
«Well then, do you want to stop now or what?», my mother came close to me with a tray with two hot steamy bowl of ramen. «Oh, Mom, thank you. Actually I’m starting to be hungry», I smiled at her wiping my forehead with my hand. «Did you already packed your bags? Ritsuko will come early in the morning tomorrow» «I know», I finally sat down. «Shall we eat here?» «Why not? It’s just the two of us», she winked. «Your dad didn’t show up the whole day» «Yeah», she shrugged. «The important thing is that he doesn’t skip his shift starting tomorrow» «No, he won’t», I got nervous, thinking about what was like his new conquest. «Miyuki, sweetheart... is there something bothering you?» «No, why?» «I’m your mother. I know things» «Mh...», I lowered my head starting to eat. «It’s very good!», I exclaimed. «Got it, you don’t want to talk about it», she looked for my eyes. «Is it about Misato-san?» «Well, in a way», I beat around the bush. «I don’t want to think about it for now» «Could it be that she got jealous because Rei-chan is going to be there too?», she insisted. «Mom, please!», I got nervous. «I don’t feel like talking about it» «Ok, ok», she sighed. «I could give you some good advice, just in case» «Is this fun for you?», I frowned. «No, not at all, but I was your age, too. At that time I would’ve appreciated someone older than me who could’ve given me some good advice» «Did you?», I stared at her while her face softened more and more. «I don’t know what happened, but I think that If you really love each other all the problems will naturally solve, eventually», she winked. «Yes, it’ll be that way», I smiled, I was happy to always have her on my side. I managed to relax and once in my bedroom I calmly prepared the suitcase. 251
“I wonder if Rei has already everything ready”, I thought to myself, glancing at the clock. “What if she decides not to come at the last minute?”, I felt my stomach tensing up. I immediately picked my phone and wrote her a text: «Hi, have you already packed your things for tomorrow?» I waited some minutes, then her reply arrived: «Actually not... are you ready to go to relax to the hot springs?» «Yes, it’s all ready. I brought some change, the beauty case and a book that I bought some time ago. The first thing I want to do as soon as we arrive is talking to you about something, though» «What is it?» «I can’t write it by text. Can we talk face to face tomorrow?» «It’s fine, but... is everything ok?» «Yes, it is, you’ll understand» «Alright, see you tomorrow, then» I closed the conversation. That night I tossed and turned in my bed. I couldn’t get out of my head what Misato told me that afternoon, and the thought of how much I hurt Rei without knowing it tormented me even more: “I’ve been cruel”, I mulled over, squeezing Tora-chan to my chest. Finally, the sunrise came and I found myself wobbling to the car, because of the barely two hours of sleep. «Good morning, Miyuki-chan», Ritsuko smiled at me. «Is everything fine? Your little face looks so tired», she commented. «Yes, I didn’t get much sleep», I yawned, trying to put the bag in the trunk of the Asakawas family car. «Wait, I help you», Rei came to my rescue. «Thank you» «You’re welcome», she got in the car right after, without even looking at me in the face. “That’s a good start...”, I sighed, following her and sitting on the back seat next to her. «Fine, girls, let’s go!», exclaimed Ritsuko, happy as a child. What Misato told me the day before was even more incredible to me for seeing her like that, while joking with my mother and making puns. In the end, 252
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without even realizing it, I fell deeply asleep. When I opened my eyes, we were almost arrived. My head was leaning on Rei’s shoulder. «Oh, I’m sorry», I moved back, still half asleep. «Miyuki-chan, did you rest a bit?», asked Ritsuko looking through the rearview mirror. «Yes, I’m sorry, I really passed out. What did I miss?» «Just a few gossips among women, right, Eriko?» «Yeah», my mother laughed. «The poor Rei-chan, though, stood still the whole time to make you be comfortable and to not wake you up», she kindly reproved me. «Re-Really?», I jolted, falling into embarrassment. «I apologize», I turned toward Rei. «It’s nothing», she narrowed her eyes without paying me attention. “She got this cold... since that day”, I leaned against the seatback of the car, looking out of the window. “Much more than I expected”, I bit my lower lip, feeling an abyss opening inside my chest: why was I feeling so bad? After all, wasn’t I the one who pulled her away? «This is the girls’ room», the owner opened the door putting our luggage near the closet. Rei and I let slip a simultaneous jolt. «But... It’s a double room», I stared the large bed, overlooked by robin’s egg blue walls. «Yes, as I explained to your mother, we don’t have single rooms. As an alternative to double rooms we have only some mini rooms with futons», said the middle-aged man, looking at us puzzled. «Do you want one of those?» «Nonsense!», Ritsuko stepped in. «I got that at your age, each one of you wants her own space, but honestly, isn’t it a bit exaggerate for two old childhood friends?» «Of course, it’s just that...», I spoke again. «The room is so big and bright that I was amazed. That’s all», I tried to minimize. «Uh, that explains it», exclaimed Ritsuko, patting my mother’s shoulder. «Come, Eriko, let’s go to get ready, I want to take a nice bath right away before going to have lunch», she walked away happy as a child during a school trip. My mother followed her after looking at me one last time. 254
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The door shut. «We can change room if you want», said Rei, examining my expression. «No, I don’t want to change the room. Here is fine», I fell back on the bed. We stood for several minutes in silence, and then Rei reached her luggage: «Is it okay for you if I take this part of the wardrobe?» «Sure, put your things anywhere you like», I said opening my arms and with my eyes on the white roof. «If you didn’t send me that text last night... I wouldn’t have come», started off Rei, while she was organizing her clothes one the shelves and on the crutches. «I know, that’s why I sent it» «Really?», she was surprised. «What did you want to talk about?», she kept on organizing her things giving me her back. «Misato told me that she had an affair with your mother», I said sitting back on the bed. Rei froze: «What do you want to know?» «I would like to know this story from your point of view», I asked feeling a new sensation rising. «What’s the point in that?», she finally turned towards me, revealing her impatient look. «It’s important to me» «I don’t know the details but... I don’t believe that Fujiwara is still in love with my mother», she replied frozen in front of the closet. «I don’t want you to tell me if Misato and Ritsuko are still into each other», I hurried to point out. «I want to know how did you find it out and if it’s true that you threatened Misato» Rei widened her eyes, then she get to her usual cold expression back: «Yes, it’s true. I did threaten her», she admitted. «Is there a reason? I mean, beyond the fact that you were rightly hurt by her behavior», I asked, leaving Rei surprised again. 256
«My mother... had some affairs in the past», she lowered her head for a moment. «But with Fujiwara was different» «Different?» «Yes, I think that she was really into her and that the thing got out of her hands», she continued. «I’ve found that out while she was arguing with my father» «What?», I jolted. «Yeah... my father found out that Fujiwara came to school with me and he asked to my mother to put an end to that relationship», she took a breath. «He was worried that she could have ruined her reputation because of an affair with a minor» «Of course, a scandal like that could’ve turned against your father’s company» «You mean... companies» «Companies?», I looked at her puzzled. «My mother, too, is the head of an important corporation, the one owned by the Hinos» «I didn’t know that...», I brought a hand on my chest. «So you got in the way to avoid the worst?» «My mother didn’t know anything about the real age of Fujiwara. When I heard the conversation between my parents, she looked seriously shocked about that revelation», she explained. «She probably would’ve quit with her either way, but...» «Did you wanted to step in to make things faster?» «Yes», she acknowledged, lowering her eyes and showing her feelings of guilt. «I told Fujiwara that if she didn’t left my mother immediately, I would’ve told everything and that the consequences would’ve been devastating» «After saying her to back off, what happened?», I pressed. «Fujiwara took badly the hit, but after a week she came back to tell me that she did what I asked. She told my mother that she had a crush on a schoolmate» «You did it for your mother...», I went near her. «No one can blame you for that» 257
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«Actually, you know well that Fujiwara doesn’t agree», she crossed my eyes, uncomfortable. «Trust me; I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. She’s only one year older than we are and, if I were she, I would have fall apart for sure. Falling in love with an adult, married woman... an impossible love» «Maybe you should talk to her», I proposed. «I don’t think it would do. You know it, some feelings are always complicated», she said with an ironic smile. «Yeah, this is one of the first things that you said to me», I felt like dragged back to that day when we kissed for the first time. «Do you still think that?» «I’ll always do», she replied serious. «That doesn’t mean that in some cases it isn’t worth fighting», she concluded, catching me out of guard. «Rei, I.... I’m sorry», I blabbered, mortified. «I didn’t know how things were and...» «You couldn’t know», she interrupted me. «That’s why you don’t have to apologize», she ended. «Alright», I looked away, feeling guilty anyway. «Fine», she gave me a tepid smile. «I’ll go get changed», she walked past me and entered the bathroom of the suite. Again, that empty feeling took over me: it all seemed terribly unlikely to me. I pulled the curtains, losing myself in the nice view you could catch a glimpse of: the canopy of trees barely moving, the sun caressing the hills on the horizon and, under the window, a huge hot spring obtained from the rocks, everything remembered an oasis of peace in every way. My heart, though, was in a turmoil, like every time I was near her.
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Orange Cream di Scarlett Bell
with drawings by Aeryn Sun
English translation by Sakura21 from micettescans.blogfree.net Quality check by Kitsune
TO BE CONTINUED...
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