H2S Libretto

L I B R E T T O V O C A L B O O K

THE FRANK LOESSER AND ABE BURROWS MUSICAL Music and Lyrics by Frank Loesser Book by b y Abe Burrows, Jack Weinsock, Weinsock, ! Wi""ie Wi""ie #i"ber Based on $%ow To &ucceed In Business Wi'ou Wi'ou Rea""y Tryin() By &'e*'erd Mead ii %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// /////////////// C%ARACTER& J0 1IERRE1O-T FI-C% #ATC% JE-KI-& TACKABERR. 1ETER&OJ0 B0 BI##LE. RO&EMAR. BRATT &MITT. B+ FR+M1 Miss JO-E& Mr0 TWIMBLE %E. &CR+BWOMEMiss KR+M%OLT2 TO.-BEE OVI-#TO1OLICEMAWOM1ER T'e enire acion akes *"ace in 'e new 1ark A3enue A3enue o44ice bui"din( o4 Wor"d Wide Wicke Co5*any, Inc0 iii %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// /////////////// M+&ICAL-+MBER& ACT 6 O3erure 6 60 O*enin( 7 Ac One 6 80 %ow To &ucceed In Business Wi'ou Rea""y Tryin( 6 90 %a**y To Kee* %is inner War5 68 9a0 #ood Mornin( :Enrance &ecrearies; 69 <0 Co44ee Break 6<

>0 T'e Co5*any Wa Way y :Re*rise; 9< ?0 Rose5ary@s 1'i"oso*'y 9 0 %edy 9 0 A &ecreary Is -o A Toy <8 a0 T'e Eecui3esD Ei << 60 Been A Lon( ay < 660 Been A Lon( ay :Re*rise; == 66a0 &aurday Mornin( => 680 #rand O"d I3y = 690 #rand O"d I3y :Re*rise; >9 69a0 Vassar >< 6<0 %edy@s Wa"k > 6 6 6=0 1aris Ori(ina" ?6 6>0 T'e Co5*any Way :a La ance Band; ?> 6>a0 T'e Eecui3e Landin( ?> 6?0 E"e3aor ance ?? 6?a0 E'erea" #randeur ? 60 Rose5ary 6 60 Ri* T'e C'i*5unk ? 80 Fina"e Ac One 6 ACT 8 860 EnrDace 9 880 O*enin( Ac Two 9 890 Cindere""a, ar"in( = 8<0 I %a3e Reurned 66 8=0 %a**y %a** y To Kee* %is inner War5 :Re*rise; 6= 8=a0 Kniora5a 6= 8>0 Lo3e Fro5 A %ear O4 #o"d 6 8>a0 T'e Lunc' ae 666 8?0 I Be"ie3e In .ou 669 8?a0 Ino Board Roo5 66= 80 T0V0 Announce5en 68= 80 T'e .o%o%o 68> 90 %edy@s Fan4are 68> 9a0 T'e Firs C"ue 68? 9b0 isaser 68 960 I Be"ie3e In .ou .ou :Rose5ary; 696 980 oo5 699 990 Bro'er'ood O4 Man 69

>0 T'e Co5*any Wa Way y :Re*rise; 9< ?0 Rose5ary@s 1'i"oso*'y 9 0 %edy 9 0 A &ecreary Is -o A Toy <8 a0 T'e Eecui3esD Ei << 60 Been A Lon( ay < 660 Been A Lon( ay :Re*rise; == 66a0 &aurday Mornin( => 680 #rand O"d I3y = 690 #rand O"d I3y :Re*rise; >9 69a0 Vassar >< 6<0 %edy@s Wa"k > 6 6 6=0 1aris Ori(ina" ?6 6>0 T'e Co5*any Way :a La ance Band; ?> 6>a0 T'e Eecui3e Landin( ?> 6?0 E"e3aor ance ?? 6?a0 E'erea" #randeur ? 60 Rose5ary 6 60 Ri* T'e C'i*5unk ? 80 Fina"e Ac One 6 ACT 8 860 EnrDace 9 880 O*enin( Ac Two 9 890 Cindere""a, ar"in( = 8<0 I %a3e Reurned 66 8=0 %a**y %a** y To Kee* %is inner War5 :Re*rise; 6= 8=a0 Kniora5a 6= 8>0 Lo3e Fro5 A %ear O4 #o"d 6 8>a0 T'e Lunc' ae 666 8?0 I Be"ie3e In .ou 669 8?a0 Ino Board Roo5 66= 80 T0V0 Announce5en 68= 80 T'e .o%o%o 68> 90 %edy@s Fan4are 68> 9a0 T'e Firs C"ue 68? 9b0 isaser 68 960 I Be"ie3e In .ou .ou :Rose5ary; 696 980 oo5 699 990 Bro'er'ood O4 Man 69

9<0 More oo5 6<9 9 9=0 Fina"e :T'e Co5*any Way; Way; 6<> 9>0 Bows 6<> 9?0 Ei Music 6 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// /////////////// O3erure :Orc'esra; ACT O-E &cene I G 6 7 O*enin( Ac 6 :Orc'esra; :EHTERIOR OF T%E WORL WIE WICKET COM1A-. COM1A-. A 'e end o4 'e O3erure 'e 'ouse curain (oes u*0 A one5an window was'in( 5ac'ine descends wi' FI-C% on i0 %e is wearin( a window was'erDs co3era""s0 %e works on a window wi' a suee(ee and a 'e swiie i5e reads a *ocke book, %ow To &ucceed In Business Wi'ou Rea""y Tryin(0 Tryin(0  We donD see FI-C%@s 4ace i55ediae"y0 We We 'en 'ear 'e 3oice o4 'e book e""in( w'a FI-C% is readin(0; BOOK VOICE

Dear Reader, This little boo is desi!"ed to tell #o$ e%er#thi"! #o$ "eed to "o& abo$t the s'ie"'e o( !etti"! ahead) :FI-C% urns 4ron oward 'e audience, and urns *a(e in 'e book0;

No& let $s ass$*e #o$ are #o$"!, health#, 'lear e#ed a"d ea!er, a"+io$s to rise $i'l# a"d easil# to the to- o( the b$si"ess b$s i"ess &orld) .o$ .o$ 'a"/ ‐

FI-C% :Lookin( u*;

I 'a"/ :%e coninues "ookin( a book0; BOOK VOICE

I( #o$ ha%e ed$'atio" a"d i"telli!e"'e a"d abilit#, so *$'h the better) B$t B$t re*e*ber that tho$sa"ds ha%e rea'hed the to- &itho$t a"# o( these $alities) :&ca44o"d "owers o 'e 4"oor0;

0$st ha%e 'o$ra!e a"d *e*ori1e the si*-le r$les i" the 'ha-ters that (ollo&) I( #o$ tr$l# &ish to be a*o"! the l$'# !olde" (e&, #o$ 'a"/ FI-C%

I 'a"/ :%e *us suee(ee down in *ai" o 'is "e40 %e be(ins o 'u5b 'rou(' 'e book ra*id"y

and sars o sin(0; G 8 7 %ow To &ucceed In Business Wi'ou Rea""y Tryin( :Finc'; FI-C%

HOW TO A22L. FOR A 0OB3 :&e*s o44 sca44o"d0;

HOW TO AD4ANCE FROM THE MAILROOM3 8 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :FI-C%; :&is on sca44o"d rai"0;

HOW TO SIT DOWN AT A DESK3 HOW TO DICTATE MEMORANDUMS3 :Rises, crosses 0L0 o4 C0;

HOW TO DE4ELO2 E5ECUTI4E ST.LE3 HOW TO COMMUTE IN A THREE BUTTON SUIT ))) WITH THAT WEAR. E5ECUTI4E SMILE) :Crosses L0;

THIS BOOK IS ALL THAT I NEED3 6HOW TO, HOW TO SUCCEED)6 :Eerior bui"din( dro* ou, re3ea"in( 3arious OFFICE 1ER&O--EL in a ab"eau s'owin( o44ice aci3iy0; &cene 8 :CORRIOR OF T%E WORL WIE WICKET COM1A-.0 FI-C% now sands a5on( 1EO1LE, crosses o cener and coninues sin(in(0; FI-C%

HOW TO OBSER4E 2ERSONNEL) HOW TO SELECT WHOM TO LUNCH WITH) HOW TO A4OID 2ETT. FRIENDS ))) HOW TO BE7IN MAKIN7 CONTACTS) HOW TO3 :FI-C% coninues o "ook a book0; BOOK VOICE

Ho& to 'hoose the ri!ht 'o*-a"#) Be(ore a--l#i"! (or a 8ob, *ae s$re #o$ ha%e 'hose" the ri!ht 'o*-a"#) It is esse"tial that the 'o*-a"# be a bi! o"e) It sho$ld be at least bi! e"o$!h so that "obod# "o&s e+a'tl# &hat a"#o"e else is doi"!) :FI-C% 'en crosses :+0R0 abo3e JE-KI-&, "isenin( o 'eir con3ersaion0 A4er eac' o4 'e 4o""owin( con3ersaions, 'e 3arious OFFICE 1ER&O--EL resu5e 'e 4roen *oses0;

#ATC% :+0R0;

Sa#, 0oe, I9%e !ot a 'o*-lai"t (ro* o$r dealers i" Cle%ela"d ))) abo$t that last shi-*e"t o( &i'ets) The# o"l# !ot hal( their &i'ets) The# ordered three h$"dred tho$sa"d) JE-KI-& :L0 o4 #ac';

I "o&, Mr) Cat'h, b$t the# &a"ted t&o to"ed &i'ets a"d &e ra" o$t) ‐

:1I-C% crosses L0 o Jo'nson0; 9 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// JO%-&O-

Ra" o$t: What is this, a hot do! sta"d: CATC%

Loo, this is the World Wide Wi'et Co*-a"#) We9re s$--osed to be the lar!est si"!le -rod$'er o( &i'ets i" the &orld) JE-KI-&

No& tae it eas#, Mr) Cat'h) There &as tro$ble at o$r easter" -la"t ))) a breado&") CATC%

Well !et o" the ball) I &a"t to ee- Cle%ela"d &i'et *i"ded) ‐

JE-KI-&

.es, sir) :Crosses L0 o Ma'ews0 FI-C% crosses R0 o4 C0;

Oh, Mr) Matthe&s, a"# "e&s abo$t the breado&": MATT%EW& :C0;

Oh, I9* (eeli"!, *$'h better) 1ETER&O:L0 o4 C0;

Oh, sa#, Ta'aberr#, did #o$ !et *# *e*o: :FI-C% crosses R0 o4 1ETER&O-0; TACKABERR. :Turns R0 o 1ETER&O-;

What *e*o: 1ETER&O-

M# *e*o abo$t *e*os) We9re se"di"! o$t too *a"# *e*os a"d it9s !ot to sto-) TACKABERR.

All ri!ht I9ll se"d o$t a *e*o) :ALL si"" re5ain 4roen0; FI-C% :Crosses L0;

The ri!ht 'o*-a"#/

:FI-C% *us book in wire 5ai" baske 'e"d by OFFICE BO. 4ar "e4, re5o3es breakaway co3era""s, osses 'e5 o44sa(e "e4, *icks u* book, be(ins o sin(0;

THIS BOOK IS ALL THAT I NEED 6HOW TO, HOW TO SUCCEED)6 < %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :FI-C% crosses R0 RO&EMAR. eners L0, carryin( 4o"der o4 *a*ers0 OFFICE 1ER&O--EL break4reee and ei0 J0B0 BI##LE. eners R0, surrounded by FO+R %E-C%ME-0 FI-C% crosses R0, bu5*s ino BI##LE., knocks 'i5 down0 %E-C%ME- 'e"* 'i5 u*, sayin( 'in(s "ike Are you okay, Mr0 BI##LE. ec0; BI##LE.

Ne%er *i"d, "e%er *i"d) :A roar0;

Ba' to &or, e%er#bod#/ :T%E. a"" scu"e o44sa(e0 RO&EMAR. (oes a "i"e 5ore s"ow"y and "in(ers a 'e "e4 side, "isenin(0; BI##LE. :To FI-C%;

.o$ heard *e/ I said ba' to &or/ FI-C% :L0 o4 BI##LE.;

I9* sorr# I b$*-ed i"to #o$, sir, b$t I &o$ld lie to a--l# (or a 8ob) BI##LE.

A 8ob: Do #o$ "o& &ho I a*: FI-C%

No, sir) BI##LE. :#oin( ri(' on;

I9* 0)B) Bi!!le#) I9* -reside"t o( this 'o*-a"#, that9s &ho I a*) I" (a't, that9s &ho the hell I a*) Ho& dare #o$ 'o*e to *e (or a 8ob: FI-C%

I9* sorr#, sir, b$t I BI##LE.

Wh# do #o$ thi" I ha%e a -erso""el *a": Wh# do #o$ thi" I ha%e a &hole da*"ed -erso""el de-art*e"t: So", #o$ b$*-ed i"to the &ro"! *a") :&ars O44 R0;

Da*" da*" 'oal b$r"i"! ditheri"! di"! di"! di"!) ‐

:%e eis R0;

RO&EMAR. :Crossin( R0;

I9* sorr#) I "o& ho& hard it is to (i"d a 8ob) I9%e bee" thro$!h that i"d o( thi"! *#sel() FI-C%

Tha" #o$, Miss) .o$9re %er# i"d) Co$ld #o$ tell *e &here the -erso""el o((i'e is: = %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// RO&EMAR. :A5aed;

2erso""el: :&'e *oins +0R;

It9s ri!ht there) FI-C%

Tha" #o$) :%e sars 4or *ersonne", crossin( L0 be"ow Rose5ary0; RO&EMAR. :Crossin( L0 o C0, so**in( 'i5;

.o$ #o$9re "ot dis'o$ra!ed: ‐

FI-C% :Crosses L0;

O( 'o$rse "ot) I9* -re-ared (or e+a'tl# this sort o( thi"!) RO&EMAR. :Crosses L0;

Sa#/ M# (rie"d S*itt# &ors i" 2erso""el) Ma#be she 'a" hel- #o$) :&ars o44 R0;

.o$ &ait here) :&'e eis R0; FI-C% :Ca""in( a4er 'er;

B$t, Miss, it9s "ot reall# :%e s'ru(s and sars 4or 'e 1ersonne" door +0L0 BRATT co5es ou o4 door0; BRATT :L0 o4 FI-C%, so**in( 'i5;

Where do #o$ thi" #o$9re !oi"!: FI-C%

To see the -erso""el *a"a!er, sir) BRATT

I9* the -erso""el *a"a!er a"d &e9re "ot hiri"! a"#o"e toda#) :Crosses R0 be"ow FI-C%0; FI-C%

Well, I &as 8$st s-eai"! to Mr) Bi!!le# >

%OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BRATT :&o*s, "ooks a 'i5;

Bi!!le#: FI-C%

.es, sir) BRATT

0)B) Bi!!le#: FI-C%

.es, sir) He told *e to see #o$) :&5i"es ou4ron0 -OTE T'is s5i"e is 'e 4irs o4 se3era" 'a Finc' uses 'rou('ou 'e s'ow0 T'ese s5i"es are 3ery i5*oran0 T'ey are co55unicaions beween Finc' and 'e audience0 T'ey e"" 'e audience w'en Finc' 'as success4u""y, worked one o4 'is *"oys0 T'e s5i"e is a (en"e, Mona Lisa s5i"e0 I s'ou"d "ook "ike a ca 'a us swa""owed a canary and is 'a**y abou i0 W'en 'e does i, Finc' s'ou"d urn 'is 'ead uick"y o 'e audience and (i3e 'e5 'e s5i"e direc"y0 T'e sa(in( o4 'e o'er c'aracers on sa(e s'ou"d be so arran(ed 'a 'ey are no e3en aware 'a Finc' is s5i"in( o 'e audience0 T'is *aricu"ar s5i"e s'ou"d on"y be used in 'e key s*os 'a are 5arked in 'e scri*0 Care s'ou"d be aken 'a 'ey are no o3erdone, o'erwise 'ey wi"" "ose 'eir i5*ac0; BRATT :Crosses L0 o FI-C%;

0)B) Bi!!le#, hi*sel(: .o$ &ere s-eai"! to hi*: FI-C%

.es, sir) I 8$st b$*-ed i"to hi*) BRATT

Ah, is he a (rie"d o( #o$rs: FI-C% :Modes 'esiaion;

Sir, I do"9t thi" a *a" sho$ld trade o" (rie"dshi- to !et a 8ob) BRATT

4er# &ell -$t, #o$"! *a") Well, i( #o$ ste- i"to *# o((i'e, I thi" &e 'a" &or so*ethi"! o$t) M# "a*e is Bratt) :Eendin( 'is 'and0;

A"d #o$ are FI-C% :&'akin( 'is 'and;

Fi"'h, sir) 2ierre-o"t Fi"'h) ? %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////// BRATT :&5i"in(;

2ierre-o"t) Sa#, *a#be that o$!ht to be 0) 2ierre-o"t Fi"'h) :Lau('s0; FI-C%

As a *atter o( (a't, sir, it is) BRATT :&o*s "au('in(,;

Well, ste- i"to *# o((i'e) :T%E. bo' (o +0 L0 'rou(' 'e door0 RO&EMAR. reeners R0, u((in(0 &MITT. by 'e 'and0; &MITT. :Fo""owin( RO&EMAR.;

7ood 7od, Rose*ar# #o$ 'o$ld at least ha%e let *e (i"ish *# Metre'al) RO&EMAR. :R0 o4 C0;

This is i*-orta"t, S*itt#) I "o& #o$ 'a" hel- hi*) :Looks around, sees 'a FI-C% is (one0;

Where is he: &MITT.

Ho& &o$ld I "o&: RO&EMAR.

He *$st ha%e !o"e i"to Mr) Bratt9s o((i'e) 7o o" i" there) .o$9re Bratt9s se'retar#) He9ll liste" to #o$) &MITT.

B$t &h# this (ra"ti', $r!e"t $r!e"'#: RO&EMAR.

2lease, S*itt#) We9%e !ot to hel- this bo#) &MITT.

B$t &h#: Fill *e i", !irl) Where(ore is this 'ree- di((ere"t (ro* all other 'ree-s: RO&EMAR.

He9s "ot a 'ree-, S*itt#) He has a sort o( "oble 'o$ra!e #et dee- do&" I (eel that he9s sort o( hel-less) &MITT.

Rose*ar#, #o$r *other i"sti"'t is a bi! dra!) :BRATT co5es ou o4 'is o44ice, "au('in( a a oke0 4o""owed in,D FI-C% W'o 'as a bi( ci(ar in 'is 5ou'0;  %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// ///////////////////////////////////////

BRATT

Well, that9s all settled) :L0 o4 FI-C%, *ain( 'i5 on s'ou"der0;

Ni'e to ha%e #o$ aboard, Fi"'h) FI-C%

Ha--# to shi- o$t &ith #o$, sir) ;FINCH is sear'hi"! (or *at'hes i" his -o'et)< BRATT

Let *e do that) :Reac'es 4or 5ac'es, "i('s FI-C%D& ci(ar0 RO&EMAR. and &MITT. wac' wi' (rea ineres0; &MITT.

Who is that): RO&EMAR.

That9s *# hel-less (rie"d) Is"9t he adorable: &MITT.

Adorable, *a#be) Hel-less, "o) RO&EMAR.

Sh$t $-, S*itt#) I 8$st ho-e he has"9t !ot a !irl) :FI-C% and BRATT cross R0 owards RO&EMAR. and &MITT.0; BRATT

M# se'retar# &ill tae 'are o( the (or*s a"d !etti"! #o$r -arti'$lars) Oh, S*itt#= this is o$r "e& Mr) Fi"'h) &MITT.

Hello, there) RO&EMAR. :Nuick"y se*s in R0 o4 FI-C%;

M# "a*e is 2ili"!to") Rose*ar# 2ili"!to") FI-C%

Oh, hello) RO&EMAR.

Hi) BRATT

Mr) Fi"'h &ill be starti"! o$t i" the *ailroo*) 7lad #o$ do"9t *i"d that, Fi"'h) FI-C%

Sir, i" a bi! -o"d lie this, e%er#o"e *$st be!i" as a little (ish) &MITT.

E%e" a barra'$da  %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :RO&EMAR. and BRATT "ook a &MITT.0 B+ eners L0, crossin( FL o ei0;

BRATT

No&, S*itt#, Will .o$ :CATC% eners R0, addresses B+0; CATC%

Sa#, B$d, ha%e #o$ !$#s i" the *ailroo* se"t o$t those &i'et 'atalo!s #et: B+ :&o**in( R0 o4 Cac';

I do"9t "o&) I9* !oi"! to l$"'h) CATC%

At ele%e" o9'lo': Wh#: B+

Be'a$se I9* the boss9s "e-he&) :&ars o44 R0 CATC% eis :JR0 ino 'is o44ice0; BRATT :Crossin( R0 be"ow FI-C%, ca""in( o Bud;

Oh, B$d/ :To FI-C%, as B+ a**roac'es0;

This is B$d Fr$*-, Mr) Bi!!le#9s "e-he&) :Crosses L0 abo3e FI-C%0 B+ crosses L0 o i o4 FI-C%0;

This is Mr) Fi"'h) He9s !oi"! to be &ori"! &ith #o$ i" the *ailroo*) B+

Hello, Fi"'h) I9* B$d Fr$*-, Mr) Bi!!le#9s "e-he&) FI-C% :O44ers 'and;

Ho& do #o$ do: :B+ i(nores 'is 'and0; BRATT :Abou o "ea3e;

S*itt#, !et Mr) Fi"'h9s -arti'$lars) &MITT.

.es, sir) BRATT

Fi"'h, "i'e to ha%e #o$ o" o$r tea*) :&ars o44 L0; 6 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C%

7lad to be -la#i"! &ith #o$, sir) :BRATT so*s, urn, (i3es FI-C% a "ook and eis ino 'is o44ice +0L0; B+

Fi"'h, #o$ a*bitio$s: FI-C%

Not "e'essaril#)

B+

7ood) 0$st ee- that i" *i"d) I( #o$ 8$st re*e*ber &ho I a* a"d re*e*ber &ho #o$ are, &e9ll !et o" (i"e) I( "ot ))) RO&EMAR. :i o4 B+;

.o$9ll !o 'r#i"! to #o$r $"'le) B+

I be! #o$r -ardo") I do "ot !o 'r#i"! to *# $"'le) :Crosses R0 be"ow RO&EMAR. and &MITT., urns0;

It ha--e"s that *# *other is Mrs) Bi!!le#9s sister) :Re5o3es 'a0;

I( I (eel that a"#thi"! is &ro"!, I -ho"e *# *other) She -ho"es Mrs) Bi!!le# a"d Mrs) Bi!!le# -ho"es Mr) Bi!!le#) :1us 'a back on0;

That9s the de*o'rati' &a#) :%e eis R0; RO&EMAR. :Crosses L0 wo se*s;

Mr) Fi"'h, a *a" lie #o$ does"9t ha%e to &orr# abo$t so*eo"e lie hi*) :Crosses R0 o &MJTT.0;

SMITT., #o$ &ere !oi"! to !et Mr) Fi"'h9s -arti'$lars) &MITT.

Ah, #es, -arti'$lars) No&, Mr) Fi"'h, the (irst $estio") RO&EMAR.

Ha%e #o$ !ot a !irl: FI-C%

A !irl: No) RO&EMAR.

7ood I *ea", that9s the ri!ht a"s&er) I *ea", it9s %er# &ise "ot to ha%e a !irl) 66 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C% :C;

I9* !lad #o$ $"dersta"d, Miss 2ili"!to") So*e &o*e" &o$ld"9t) .o$ see, I (eel that &he" a *a" &a"ts to rise i" the &orld o( b$si"ess, a !irl, or let9s sa# a" e*otio"al i"%ol%e*e"t, 'a" o"l# lead to !etti"! i"%ol%ed e*otio"all#) RO&EMAR.

That9s %er# i"telli!e"t, Mr) Fi"'h) &MITT.

.es) :Crosses L0 be"ow RO&EMAR. o 1I-C%0;

Rose*ar#, are #o$ thro$!h &ith Mr) Fi"'h: RO&EMAR.

For the *o*e"t) &MITT.

Fi"e) :Indicaes o44ice +0L0 as s'e and FI-C% cross L0;

No& i( #o$9ll 8$st ste- i"to *# o((i'e, &e9ll !et o$r b$si"ess do"e) RO&EMAR. :Crosses L0;

7ood l$', Mr) Fi"'h) FI-C% :Be"ow door +0L0;

Tha" #o$, $h, Miss RO&EMAR.

2ili"!to") Rose*ar# 2ili"!to") FI-C%

I9* !lad to be aboard) :%e eis ino BRATTDs o44ice +0L0; &MITT.

Well, Rose*ar#, #o$ see: RO&EMAR.

I thi" he9s (as'i"ati"!) &MITT.

I9%e see" so*e a*bitio$s 'hara'ters aro$"d here, b$t this bo# is the ea!erest bea%er o( the* all) RO&EMAR.

Ne& Ro'helle 68 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// &MITT.

H$h: RO&EMAR.

Or *a#be White 2lai"s) No ))) G 9 7 %ow To Kee* %is inner War5 :Rose5ary, &5iy; :RO&EMAR.;

Ne& Ro'helle ))) &MITT.

H$h: RO&EMAR.


What are #o$ tali"! abo$t: RO&EMAR.


What abo$t it: RO&EMAR.

THAT9S THE 2LACE WHERE THE MANSION WILL BE, FOR ME AND THE DARLIN7, BRI7HT, .OUN7 MAN I94E 2ICKED OUT FOR MARR.IN7 ME) :Crosses R0;

HE9LL DO WELL, I CAN TELL SO IT ISN9T A MOMENT TOO SOON :Crosses L0 o &MITT.0;

TO 2LAN ON M. LIFE IN NEW ROCHELLE> THE WIFE OF M. DARLIN7 T.COON) &MITT.

Ho"e#, #o$9ll be i" Ne& Ro'helle) .o$r darli"! t#'oo" &ill be here i" the o((i'e) :Crosses +0 L0; RO&EMAR.

S*itt# &MITT.

The ($t$re Mrs) Fi"'h is i" (or so*e lo"el# "i!hts) :&'e eis ino 'er o44ice +0L0; :TRAVELER c"oses0; :RO&EMAR. s*eaks, crosses R0; 69 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// RO&EMAR.

I9* -re-ared (or e+a'tl# that sort o( thi"!) :RO&EMAR. sin(s0;

I9LL BE SO HA22. TO KEE2 HIS DINNER WARM, WHILE HE 7OES ONWARD AND U2WARD) HA22. TO KEE2 HIS DINNER WARM TILL HE COMES WEARIL. HOME FROM DOWNTOWN) :&is0;

I9LL BE THERE WAITIN7 UNTIL HIS MIND IS CLEAR, WHILE HE LOOKS THROU7H ME, RI7HT THROU7H ME, WAITIN7 TO SA.? 67OOD E4ENIN7, DEAR, I9M 2RE7NANT> WHAT9S NEW WITH .OU FROM DOWNTOWN:6 :Rises0;

OH, TO BE LO4ED B. A MAN I RES2ECT, TO BASK IN THE 7LOW

OF HIS 2ERFECTL. UNDERSTANDABLE NE7LECT) OH, TO BELON7 IN THE AURA OF HIS FROWN, DARLIN7 BUS. FROWN) SUCH HEA4EN WEARIN7 THE WIFEL. UNIFORM WHILE HE 7OES ONWARD AND U2WARD) HA22. TO KEE2 HIS DINNER WARM TILL HE COMES WEARIL. HOME FROM DOWNTOWN) G 9a 7 #ood Mornin( :Enerance O4 &ecrearies :Orc'esra; &cene 9 :T'eaer o44ice o4 'e Wor"d Wide Wicke Co5*any0 T'ere are wo rows o4 desks wi' y*ewriers, addin( 5ac'ines and sandard o44ice eui*5en0 #IRL& ener L0 brisk"y, sayin( #ood 5ornin(0 T'ey si down a 'eir desks, ake o44 o44ice 5ac'ine co3ers0 T'e "as #IRL das'es on, (es o 'er *"ace us ready 4or 'e5 a"" o be(in work0 A MA- sicks 'is 'ead ou on sa(e L0 and ye""s0; MA-

Co((ee brea/ MI&& KR+M%OLT2

It9s abo$t ti*e/ :MA- *us'es on co44ee 5ac'ine L0 OT%ER OFFICE 1ER&O--EL ener L0 and R0 A "on( "ine is 'urried"y 4or5ed across sa(e be4ore 'e co44ee 5ac'ine0 B+ FR+M1 eners R0, (oes o 4ron o4 "ine, 'o"ds 'is cu* inder 'e s*i(o0; B+

There9s "o 'o((ee/ 6< %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// ALL :A bu;

No 'o((ee/ No 'o((ee/ &MITT. :C0;

No 'o((ee: B+

No 'o((ee/ :ALL ake 4ron0; G < 7 Co44ee Break :Fru5*, &5iy, C'orus; &MITT.

No 'o((ee) :T%E. a"" (roan and co""a*se ono sa(e0; B+

IF I CAN9T TAKE M. COFFEE BREAK, M. COFFEE BREAK, M. COFFEE BREAK, IF I CAN9T TAKE M. COFFEE BREAK, :ALL &i +*0;

SOMETHIN7 WITHIN ME DIES ALL

LIES DOWN AND SOMETHIN7 WITHIN ME DIES/ :ALL co""a*se a(ain0 B+ *us'es 5ac'ine C0 &+IT . crosses C0 o L0 o4 5ac'ine0; &MITT.

IF I CAN9T MAKE THREE DAIL. TRI2S WHERE SHININ7 SHRINE BENI7NL. DRI2S, :ALL crowd around 5ac'ine0;

AND TASTE CARDBOARD BETWEEN M. LI2S, SOMETHIN7 WITHIN ME DIES ALL

LIES DOWN AND :ALL 4ade u*0;

SOMETHIN7 WITHIN ME DIES/ :ALL co""a*se0; 6&T VOICE

NO COFFEE, 6= %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// 8- VOICE

NO COFFEE, 9R VOICE

NO COFFEE,
NO COFFEE, =T% VOICE

NO COFFEE, >T% VOICE

NO COFFEE, ?T% VOICE

NO COFFEE, T% VOICE

NO COFFEE, :ALL si u*0; &MITT.

THAT OFFICE LI7HT DOESN9T HA4E TO BE FLUORESCENT, I9LL 7ET NO 2AINS IN THE HEAD) THAT OFFICE CHAIR DOESN9T HA4E TO BE FOAM RUBBER, SO IF I S2READ, SO I S2READ)

BUT ONL. ONE CHEMICAL SUBSTANCE 7ETS OUT THE LEAD/ ALL

LIKE SHE SAID/ IF I CAN9T TAKE M. COFFEE BREAK, :ALL cross 0;

M. COFFEE BREAK, M. COFFEE BREAK, IF I CAN9T TAKE M. COFFEE BREAK, &MITT. A- B+

7ONE IS THE SENSE OF ENTER2RISE ALL

ALL 7ONE AND SOMETHIN7 WITHIN MF DI2S ALL

NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE) :ALL screa5 as a A-CER u5*s ino orc'esra *i0 ALL cross o co44ee 5ac'ine C0; ALL

IF @ CAN9T TAKE M. COFFEE BREAK, 6> %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :R0 o4 C0; &MITT.

SOMEHOW THE SOUL NO LON7ER TRIES ))) :Co""a*ses ino BO.D& ar5s0;

ALL COFFEE, COFFEE) :0R0 a(ains *ora"0; B+

SOMEWHERE I DON9T METABOLIE ))) ALL

COFFEE, COFFEE &MITT. A- B+

SOMETHIN7 WITHIN ME ))) :T'ey cross o C0 ALL s*read ou0; ALL

COFFEE OR OTHERWISE, COFFEE OR OTHERWISE, COFFEE OR OTHERWISE, SOMETHIN7 INSIDE OF ME ))) DIES/ ;A4er nu5ber, #IRL eners4ro5 R0 Carryin( sea5in( *o o4 co44ee, crosses o L0 o4 C0; B+ :Crosses L0 o #IRL0;

What9s that: #IRL

A 'o((ee -ot)

B+

Co((ee/ :T'ey a"" ye"" Co44ee and (o o44 L0, ece* FIVE o4 'e #IRL& cross o u*sa(e row o4 desks and (o o work0 A MA- *us'es co44ee 5ac'ine o44 R0 RO&EMAR. 'as enered L0 durin( 'is, carryin( s5a"" 3ase o44 4"owers0 &'e (oes o 'er desk0 FI-C% eners L0 wi' baske o4 5ai"0 %e is readin( 'is book0; BOOK VOICE

.o$ ha%e alertl# sei1ed #o$r o--ort$"ities a"d are "o& o" the (irst r$"! o( the ladder) .o$ are &ori"! i" the *ailroo*) O"e &ord o( 'a$tio" abo$t the *ailroo*) It is a -la'e o$t o( &hi'h #o$ *$st !et) So*e o( #o$r ri%als &ill "ot ha%e the ad%a"ta!e o( this "o&led!e, b$t #o$ are (orear*ed) Do "ot !et st$' i" the *aiIroo*) 2la" to rise) :B+ eners L0, o FI-C%0; 6? %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// B+ :Nuick"y;

Fi"'h, &here are #o$ !oi"!: What ha%e #o$ !ot there: FI-C% :R0 o4 B+;

It9s the e+e'$ti%e *ail) B+

I9ll tae that) :Takes 5ai" 4ro5 FI-C%0;

Tr#i"! to !et i" !ood o" the i"side, h$h: I 'a"9t e%e" tae a 'o((ee brea aro$"d here/ FI-C%

B$t, I9* *erel# tr#i"! to do *# 8ob) B+

The e+e'$ti%e *ail is *# 8ob) Fi"'h, i( #o$ ha%e a"# ideas o( 'li*bi"! a ladder aro$"d here, the %ie& is !oi"! to !et a&($ll# *o"oto"o$s) E%er# ti*e #o$ loo $- #o$ll see the seat o( *# -a"ts) :Crosses R0 be"ow FI-C% and eis +0R0 ino eecu i3e suie0; RO&EMAR.

;Rises, 'rosses R) to FINCH< That9s rotte", rotte", rotte") .o$ "o&, B$d Fr$*- is 8$st 8ealo$s o( #o$ ))) He9s tr#i"! to ee- the

bi! e+e'$ti%es (ro* "oti'i"! .OU) FI-C% :Crosses L0 be"ow RO&EMAR.;

Tha" #o$ (or de(e"di"! *e, Miss 2ili"!to") RO&EMAR.

2lease 'all *e Rose*ar#) FI-C%

Oa#, Rose*ar#) RO&EMAR.

No&, Mr) Fi"'h FI-C%

Call *e 2o"t#) RO&EMAR.

Oa#, 2o"t#) The bi! e+e'$ti%es &ill "oti'e #o$) 0$st be -atie"t) FI-C%

2atie"t/ Do #o$ reali1e I9%e bee" &ori"! here (or o"e &hole &ee/ RO&EMAR.

I "o& 2o"t# I ha%e"9t (or!otte") 6 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :RO&EMAR.; :&'e crosses L0 o FI-C%, *us4"ower in 'is buon'o"e0;

Ha--# a""i%ersar#) FI-C%

Tha" #o$, Rose*ar#) At least #o$ "oti'e tie) RO&EMAR.

I &ish I &ere a" e+e'$ti%e) I9d :&'e so*s sudden"y, "ooks o44sa(e0;

Oh oh) Here 'o*es 0$dith A"derso") ) ) FI-C%

H$h: RO&EMAR.

That9s Miss 0o"es, Mr) Bi!!le#9s se'retar#) :&ars +0 L0 o 'er desk0;

I9d better loo b$s#) A"d #o$, too ))) :&'e sis0 FI-C% crosses u* o row o4 desks, "ookin( busy0 MI&& JO-E& eners L0, 'eadin( oward eecui3e suie +0R0 RO&EMAR. 4oo"s Wi' *a*ers0 FI-C% sudden"y urns and 4o""ows Miss Jones0; FI-C%

2ardo" *e, *a9a*) :%e akes 4"ower 4ro5 'is buon'o"e, *resses i ino 'er 'and0;

.o$ sho$ld be &eari"! this) It !oes &ith #o$r hair)

:&'e acce*s i in a *u"ed 4as'ion0 FI-C% sars away L0; MI&& JO-E&

.o$"! *a") :FI-C% &o*s0 &'e crosses 0;

.o$ 8$st &a"t *e to ha%e this (lo&er: .o$ do"9t "o& &ho I a*: FI-C% :Crosses R0 o 'e,;

That does"9t *atter) What *atters is that the (lo&er see*ed to 'r# o$t to he &or" b# #o$) :&ars away L0 a(ain0; MI&& JO-E&

.o$"! *a", I9* Miss 0o"es, Mr) Bi!!le#9s se'retar#) :FI-C% so*s0; FI-C%

No, #o$ 'a"9t be) I *ea" ))) that is ))) #o$ 8$st 'a"9t be) 6 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// MI&& JO-E&

Wh# "ot: FI-C% :Crosses R0 o 'er,;

Well, (ro* B$d Fr$*-9s des'ri-tio" o( #o$, I9d "e%er ha%e, I *ea" #o$9re "ot a (ri!hte"i"! -erso") MI&& JO-E&

Tha" #o$) FI-C%

I( it9s "ot o$t o( -la'e (or *e to sa# so, Miss 0o"es) I thi" #o$9re a %er# attra'ti%e -erso") No *atter &hat B$d Fr$*- sa#s) MI&& JO-E&

What did #o$ sa# #o$r "a*e &as): FI-C%

Fi"'h, *a9a*) F I N C H) Fi"'h) 2ierre-o"t Fi"'h ‐

‐

‐

‐

MI&& JO-E&

Ho& is it I ha%e"9t see" #o$ be(ore: FI-C% :R0 be"ow 'er;

Oh, I9* "ot s$--osed to deli%er the e+e'$ti%e *ail) That9s his 8ob) B$d Fr$*-) F R U M 2) ‐

‐

‐

‐

MI&& JO-E&

M****) Well, tha" #o$ %er# *$'h, Fi"'h) .o$9re a %er# i"teresti"! #o$"! *a") FI-C%

Tha" #o$, Miss 0o"es) :Crosses L0 be"ow 'er0 CATC% eners R0; CATC%

Sa#, 0o"es# :FI-C%, 'earin( CATC%D& 3oice, knee"s L0 o4 MI&& JO-E&, ies s'oe"ace0;

I9d lie a" a--oi"t*e"t &ith the boss at aro$"d three) MI&& JO-E& :1innin( 4"ower on 'er sui;

I9ll 'he' o" it, Milt, a"d let #o$ "o&) CATC% :R0 O4 MI&& JO-E&;

Ab, (lo&ers) .o$ !ot a "e& bo# (rie"d, 0o"es#: MI&& JO-E&

This &as !i%e" to *e b# a %er# "i'e #o$"! *a") .o$ sho$ld "o& hi*) Fi"'h: 8 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C% :%e *o*s u* uick"y;

.es: MI&& JO-E&

Fi"'h, this is Mr) Cat'h) FI-C%

Ho& do #o$ do, Mr) Cat'h: CATC%

Hello) :T'ey s'ake 'ands0; MI&& JO-E& :To FI-C%;

Mr) Cat'h &o$ld be a !ood *a" (or #o$ to "o&) His de-art*e"t is %er# i*-orta"t FI-C%

Oh, I "o& all abo$t Mr) Cat'h) He9s i" 'har!e o( ))) :Ra"in( i o44;

2la"s a"d S#ste*s a"d I"terde-art*e"tal E%al$atio") Also 2re 2ro*otio"al 2ro*otio", 2ost Ad*i"istrati%e Resear'h, a"d M$lti-le De%elo-*e"t o" a *$ltile%el le%el) ‐

‐

CATC% :To MI&& JO-E&;

He#, 0o"es#, this is a s*art o"e) I did"9t "o& I did all that) :%e eis R0; FI-C%

4er# (i"e *a", Mr) Cat'h) I hear he has a" o-e"i"! i" his de-art*e"t) MI&& JO-E&

.es, he has, b$t he has"9t bee" able to *ae $- his *i"d) Well, tha" #o$ (or the

(lo&er, #o$"! Ma") FI-C%

.o$9re &el'o*e, Miss 0o"es) ;&'e sars +0K, se*s o eecui3e suie0 FI-C% crosses +0L o desks0 B+ eners L0R0 4ro5 eecui3e suie0; B+

Hi, 0o"es#) MI&& JO-E& :&na**in(;

Miss 0o"es) 86 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :&'e eis +0R0 B+ "ooks a4er 'er, *u"ed, 'en "ooks sus*icious"y a FI-C%0; FI-C% :Turns away4ro5 B+, sars L0;

Sa#, Rose*ar# ))) B+ :Crosses 0 o FI-C%;

Fi"'h, $it !oo(i"! o(( .o$9%e !ot to -i' $- the se'o"d deli%er#/ :Crosses L0 be"ow FI-C%0; FI-C%

Ri!hto, B$d, old b$dd# bo#) :B+ eis o44 L0, *u"ed0 FI-C% (oes o RO&EMAR. a desk0;

7ot to !o to &or "o&) Tha"s (or the (lo&er, Rose*ar#) :&ars o44 R0; RO&EMAR. :&'e rises, crosses R0 o FI-C%;

Tha"s (or the (lo&er: .o$ !a%e *# (lo&er to Miss 0o"es) FI-C%

Rose*ar# s$rel# #o$ do"9t be!r$d!e a" old lad# a *o*e"t o( ha--i"ess) RO&EMAR.

Well, I !$ess it is i*-orta"t (or #o$ to be "i'e to Miss 0o"es) :&MITT. eners 4ro5 eecui3e suie and obser3es 'is0; FI-C%

I9* !lad #o$ $"dersta"d that) See #o$ later, Rose*ar#) :%e eis R0 &MITT. crosses 0R0, "ookin( a4er FI-C%0; &MITT. :Meanin(4u""y0 Turns o RO&EMAR.;

Well, Rose*ar#, ho& are #o$ doi"!: RO&EMAR. :Crosses R0 o &MITT.;

Oh, I do"9t "o&) He9s he9s ))) S*itt#, &hat9s the o--osite o( a se+ *a"ia': &MITT.

A b$si"ess *a") :T'ey ei o44 R0; G
Hello: 7i%e *e a" o$tside li"e) No, this 'all is "ot -erso"al, I9* 'alli"! *# *other :Annoyed0;

Tha"s) :Rises, crosses be'ind couner0 Ta"ks o 'i5se"4 as 'e sars dia"in(0;

O"e o( these da#s &he" I9* r$""i"! the sho& aro$"d here, I9ll 'lear o$t the &hole Hello, Mother: B$d) I "o& I le(t &itho$t *# s&eater, b$t it9s &ar*) No&, loo, Mother, I 8$st (o$"d o$t so*ethi"! i*-orta"t) There9s !oi"! to be a "e& head o( the *ailroo* a"d I &a"t the 8ob) .o$9%e !ot to 'all A$"t 7ertr$de a"d ))) I "o& I9* "e+t i" li"e, b$t there9s a "e& (ello& &ori"! here that has *e &orried) Oh, he &ors hard, 'o*es i" o" ti*e, "e%er !oo(s o((, he9s -olite ))) #o$ "o&, a real rat) :BLACKO+T Fron s*o on BI##LE. desk uni on R0 MR0 BI##LE. is seaed a PD desk0 %is inerco5 is 'eard buin(0; BI##LE. :#ru44"y cris*;

.es, What do #o$ &a"t, Miss 0o"es: MI&& JO-E&D VOICE :O3er inerco5;

Mr) Bi!!le#, #o$r &i(e is 'alli"!) BI##LE.

Well, tell her I9* b$s#, tell her I9* i" a *eeti"!, tell her I9* o$t, da**it, -$t her o"/ :1icks u* *'one and 'is 3oice beco5es a**roi5ae"y a44ecionae0;

Hello, 7ertr$de) 7lad #o$ 'alled) What9s o" #o$r *i"d: I9* b$s#) Uh h$h, Uh h$h) Well, 7ertr$de, I 'a"9t hel- B$d there) The head o( the *ailroo* sho$ld -i' his o&" s$''essor) I

'a"9t s&it'h si!"als i" the *iddle o( a -la#) It &o$ld $-set the &hole tea*) I( I i"ter(ered that &o$ld be "e-otis*) Ne-otis*) That9s &he" #o$r "e-he& is a !odda*" (ool) Well, I9ll see) :%an(s u*0 To 'i5se"40;

Da**it) :1us'es buon and s*eaks ino inerco50;

Miss 0o"es) MI&& JO-E&D VOICE

.es, Mr) B): 89 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BI##LE.

Miss 0o"es, I9%e told #o$ that tali"! to *# &i(e $-sets *e) MI&& JO-E&D VOICE

Well, 0)B), #o$ said to -$t her o" a"d ))) BI##LE.

Ne%er *i"d that) I "eed so*ethi"! to 'al* *# "er%es) Where is *# ))) :&ecrei3e"y0;

#o$ "o&))) MI&& JO-E&D VOICE

I -$t it i" the ba' o( #o$r ri!ht ha"d botto* dra&er) BI##LE.

Tha"s) :C"icks0 O*ens boo5 drawer, *us 'is 'and in, *u""s ou kniin(0;

Ahhhh)))) :Fron &1OT di5s ou0; :i5 u* on 5ai"roo50 FI-C% eners wi' 5ai" ba(, so*s a R0 end o4 couner0 TWIMBLE eners, crosses o L0 o4 FI-C%0; TWIMBLE

Let9s !et !oi"!, bo#s) B+ :W'o 'as been sandin( +0&0 Turns o L0 o4 TWIMBLE;

MMMMM) FI-C% :R0 ed(e o4 couner;

.es, sir, Mr) T&i*ble) I9%e alread# started sorti"!) TWIMBLE

Fi"'h, as head o( this e"tire *ailroo*, I &o$ld lie to tell #o$ I9* %er# -leased &ith #o$r &or) FI-C%

Tha" #o$, sir)

TWIMBLE

.o$ reall# ha%e a" i"bor" !i(t (or *ailroo*er#) FI-C%

Tha" #o$, Mr) T&i*ble) Co*i"! (ro* #o$, that9s a !reat ho"or) :1'one RI-#&0; B+ :1icks u* *'one;

Hello, *ailroo*e No/ Mailroo*) 0$st a *i"$te) 8< %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :B+; :Ca""s0;

It9s (or #o$, T&ir"ble) Mr) Bratt i" 2erso""el) :Crosses i abo3e TWIMBLE, *us'in( FI-C% o C0 sa(e0; TWIMBLE :#oin( o *'one;

Ah, this *a# be a %er# i*-orta"t 'all (or so*e o() $s) Hello) B+ :To FI-C%;

What9s the idea: FI-C%

What9s the idea o( &hat, B$d): B+

.o$ "o&) .o$9re tr#i"! to b$tter $- T&i*ble) Well, belie%e *e, it &o"9t do #o$ a"# !ood) FI-C%

7ood 7od, B$d) 0$st be'a$se I9* bei"! "i'e to a *a", does that *ea" I ha%e to ha%e a" a"!le: B+

I( a"#bod#9s !oi"! to !et his 8ob, #o$ "o& ))) :&o*s as 'e 'ears TWIMBLE s*eak0; TWIMBLE

I !ot #o$, Mr) Bratt) Tha"s %er# *$'h) :FI-C% crosses abo3e B+ o &0L ed(e o4 couner0 B+ couners o I o4 FI-C% as TWIMBLE 'an(s u* 'e *'one and crosses R0 o 'e boys0;

Well, bo#s, it loos as i( the#9re !oi"! to -ro*ote old T&i*ble to the shi--i"! de-art*e"t) FI-C% :Nuick"y;

Co"!rat$latio"s) B+ :Jus as uick"y;

Who9s !oi"! to be the "e& head o( the *ailroo*: TWIMBLE

I &o"9t sa# till it9s o((i'ial, b$t Mr) Bratt is !oi"! to lea%e the 'hoi'e to *e) 6T&i*ble,6 he said, 6The *ailroo* is the "er%e 'e"ter o( this *i!ht# or!a"i1atio" .o$9%e bee" a" o$tsta"di"! *ailroo* head a"d &e &a"t #o$ to 'hoose #o$r s$''essor) A"d &e &a"t #o$ to 'hoose hi* o" *erit) O" *erit alo"e) 8= %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// B+

That9s "ot (air) :Crosses L0 abo3e TWIMBLE0;

I9* !oi"! o$t to !et a s*oe) :%e eis uick"y L0; TWIMBLE

S*oe) Ho ho) He9s !oi"! to 'all his *other) :Crosses R0 o FI-C%0;

B$t it9s "ot !oi"! to hel- hi* i( I ha%e a"#thi"! to sa#) I ha%e so*ebod# else i" *i"d (or this 8ob) Ho ho) FI-C% :A4er a 5o5en;

Mr) T&i*ble ))) TWIMBLE

.es: FI-C% :Crosses L0 be"ow TWIMBLE;

.o$9%e bee" &ith this 'o*-a"# a lo"! ti*e, ha%e"9t #o$: TWIMBLE

Lo"!, lo"! ti*e) Last *o"th I be'a*e a $arter o( a 'e"t$r# *a") ‐

‐

‐

:&'ows 5eda" on 'is "a*e"0; FI-C%

That9s bea$ti($l) :Crosses R0 o TWIMBLE0;

7ee, a $arter o( a 'e"t$r#) TWIMBLE

A $arter o( a 'e"t$r#) FI-C%

Ho& lo"! ha%e #o$ bee" i" the *ailroo*: TWIMBLE

T&e"t# (i%e #ears) .e-, it9s "ot eas# to !et a *edal lie this) It taes a 'o*bi"atio" ‐

o( sill, di-lo*a'# a"d bold 'a$tio") 8> %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// G =07 T'e Co5*any Way :Twi5b"e, Finc'; :TWIMBLE; :To audience;

WHEN I 0OINED THIS FIRM AS A BRASH, .OUN7 MAN, WELL I SAID TO M.SELF, 6NOW, BRASH .OUN7 MAN DON9T 7ET AN. IDEAS)6 WELL I STUCK TO THAT AND I HA4EN9T HAD ONE IN .EARS/ FINCH :L0 o4 TWIMBLE;

.OU 2LA. IT SAFE/ TWIMBLE

I 2LA. IT THE COM2AN. WA.> WHERE4ER THE COM2AN. 2UTS ME, THERE I9LL STA. FI-C%

BUT WHAT IS .OUR 2OINT OF 4IEW: TWIMBLE

I HA4E NO 2OINT OF 4IEW, FI-C%

SU22OSIN7 THE COM2AN. THINKS ))) TWIMBLE

I THINK SO TOO/ FI-C%

WHAT WOULD .OU SA. IF TWIMBLE

I WOULDN9T SA./ FI-C%

.OUR FACE IS A COM2AN. FACE> TWIMBLE

IT SMILES AT E5ECUTI4ES, THEN 7OES BACK IN 2LACE) FI-C%

THE COM2AN. FURNITURE: TWIMBLE

OH IT SUITS ME FINE) 8? %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-#

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C%

THE COM2AN. LETTERHEAD IS ;SO<3 TWIMBLE

A 4ALENTINE/ FI-C%

IS THERE AN.THIN7 .OU9RE A7AINST: TWIMBLE

UNEM2LO.MENT/ FI-C%

WHEN THE. WANT BRILLIANT THINKIN7 FROM EM2LO.EES> TWIMBLE

THAT IS NO CONCERN OF MINE) FI-C%

SU22OSE A MAN OF 7ENIUS MAKES SU77ESTIONS) TWIMBLE

WATCH THAT 7ENIUS 7ET :1oins L0;

SU77ESTED TO RESI7N/ FI-C%

SO .OU 2LA. IT THE COM2AN. WA.> :Crosses I abo3e TWIMBLE0; TWIMBLE

ALL COM2AN. 2OLIC. IS B. ME OKA./ FI-C%

.OU9LL NE4ER RISE U2 TO THE ;TO2< TWIMBLE

BUT THERE9S ONE THIN7 CLEAR> WHOE4ER THE COM2AN. FIRES, I WILL STILL BE HERE/ FI-C%

.OU CERTAINL. FOUND A HOME/ TWIMBLE

IT9S CO./ FI-C%

.OUR BRAIN IS A COM2AN. BRAIN> TWIMBLE

THE COM2AN. WASHED IT AND NOW I CAN9T COM2LAIN) 8 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C%

THE COM2AN. MA7AINE: TWIMBLE

BO., WHAT ST.LE, WHAT 2UNCH/ FI-C%

THE COM2AN. RESTAURANT: TWIMBLE

E49R. DA. SAME LUNCH)9 THEIR HADDOCK SANDWICH> IT9S DELICIOUS/ FI-C% :Crosses L0 be"ow TWIMBLE;

I MUST TR. IT) TWIMBLE

EARL. IN THE WEEK/ FI-C% :&o*s dead;

DO .OU HA4E AN. HOBBIES: TWIMBLE

I94E A HOBB.> I 2LA. 67IN6 WITH MISTER BRATT) FI-C%

AND DO .OU 2LA. IT NICEL.: TWIMBLE

2LA. IT NICEL. STILL HE BLITES ME IN E49R. 7AME, LIKE THAT/ FI-C%

WH.: TWIMBLE

9CAUSE I 2LA. IT THE COM2AN. WA., E5ECUTI4E 2OLIC. IS B. ME OKA./ FI-C%

HOW CAN .OU 7ET AN.WHERE ;IN THE< ))) TWIMBLE

0UNIOR HA4E NO FEAR> WHOE4ER THE COM2AN. FIRES, I WILL STILL BE HERE/ FI-C%

.OU WILL STILL BE HERE) 8 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// /////////////// TWIMBLE

.EAR AFTER .EAR AFTER FISCAL, BOT%

NE4ER TAKE A RISK AL .EAR/ ‐

TWIMBLE

Well, Well, let9s !et ba' to &or) The# *a# be -ro*oti"! *e, b$t till the" the *ail *$st !o thro$!h) :Crosses abo3e couner0 FI-C% crosses o R0 o4 couner0 B+ eners L0 'u55in(0;

Hi, B$d) Ho&9s #o$r *other: B+

What *other: TWIMBLE :To FI-C%;

What *other) :BRATTD :BRATTD eners L0 uick"y  uick"y wi' a bi( s5i"e, crosses R0 o TWIMBLE0; BRATT

Hello, *e") Well, T&i*ble, T&i*ble, it9s all set) As o( toda#, t oda#, #o$9re head o( shi--i"!/ TWIMBLE

Tha"s, Mr) Bratt) :T'ey s'ake 'ands0; BRATT

No& let9s tal abo$t #o$r s$''essor ))) B+ :Turns o L0 o4 BRATT;

Sa#, Bratt, ha%e #o$ heard (ro* *# $"'le toda#: BRATT

No, B$d) :B+ reacs wi' annoyance0;

7o ahead, T&i*ble, T&i*ble, #o$r shoes are !oi"! to be hard to (ill, b$t &ho ha%e #o$ -i'ed to (ill the*: TWIMBLE

Well Mr) Mr) Bratt I9%e !i%e" it a !ood deal o( tho$!ht, -ro a"d a" d 'o") I thi" #o$r *a" is .o$"! Fi"'h) BRATT

Fi"'h) B+

I9* !oi"! o$t (or a s*oe) :&ars o44 L0; 9 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// /////////////// FI-C%

Tha"s, b$t I 'a"9t a''e-t) :B+ so*s dead0 EVER.O-E EVER.O-E "ooks a FI-C% F I-C% in asonis'5en0; BRATT :Crosses R0 o FI-C% be"ow be "ow TWIMBLE;

Are #o$ t$r"i"! this 8ob do&":

FI-C%

That9s ri!ht sir) I thi" there is a *a" &ho is better $ali(ied) A *a" &ho has be here lo"!er tha" I) 7e"tle*e", I re'o**e"d B$d Fr$*-) B+ :Cau(' o44 (uard;

.o$9re iddi"!) TWIMBLE :Crosses L0 o B+;

B$d Fr$*-: BRATT :Crosses L0 o TWIMBLE;

Well, this is so*ethi"!, ))) I *ea", s$r-rise &ise) Well, as lo"! as he (eels that s%a ))) ‐

B+

I9* !oi"! to 'all *# *other a"d tell her) :%e eis L0; TWIMBLE :Crosses R0 be"ow BRATT o FI-C%;

I do"9t $"dersta"d) FI-C%

Mr) T&i*ble, T&i*ble, let *e e+-lai") K"o&i"! #o$ has ta$!ht *e a lot) :1'one RI-#&0; BRATT :1ickin( u* *'one;

Hello) .es, .es, 0)B) This is Bratt) TWIMBLE :To FI-C%;

It9s the bi! boss) 96 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// /////////////// BRATT :%e "isens a 5o5en;

Oh, I $"dersta"d #o$r -roble*, 0)B) A't$all#, &e had -i'ed so*eo"e else) B$t it9s all ri!ht, 0)B) The #o$"! (ello& &e -i'ed t$r"ed the 8ob o%er to B$d) He thi"s B$d is better $ali(ied ))) No, he does"9t see* to be o$t o( his *i"d) He &as e+-lai"i"!, abo$t it &he" #o$ 'alled) :To FI-C%0;

7o ahead, Fi"'h) FI-C% :C0;

Mr) T&i*ble, the !reat thi"! #o$ ha%e ta$!ht *e is that "o i"di%id$al is as i*-orta"t as the &hole 'o*-a"#)

BRATT :Acin( as a uie 3oice announcer o BI##LE.;

He sa#s "o i"di%id$al is as i*-orta"t as the &hole 'o*-a"#) FI-C% :Crosses abo3e TWIMBLE o 'is L0;

The &hole tea* is !reater tha" a"# si"!le -la#er) BRATT :To BI##LE.;

The &hole tea* is !reater tha" a"# si"!le -la#er) FI-C% :#ein( "ouder;

The &hole 're& is !reater tha" a"# o"e oars*a") BRATT

The &hole 're& is !reater tha" a"# o"e oars*a") FI-C%

The &hole salad is bi!!er tha" a"# -ie'e o( lett$'e) BRATT

The &hole salad is ))) Oh, #o$ 'a" hear hi*) FI-C%

The &hole o*elette is bi!!er tha" a"# e!!) BRATT

Is"9t that !reat, 0)B): Sort o( 'hoes #o$ $-, does"9t it: ))) His "a*e: It9s Fi"'h) FI-C% :To BRATT;

F I N)CH ‐

‐

98 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :FI-C% "ooks back o TWIMBLE0; BRATT

F I N C H) .eah, &ell, I9* !oi"! to ee- a" e#e o" hi* *#sel() Ri!ht) See #o$ later, 0) B) ‐

‐

‐

‐

:%an(s u*0 Crosses R0 o 1I-C%0;

Fi"'h, #o$ !ot *e o(( the s-ot &ith Mr) Bi!!le#) FI-C% :Crosses R0 abo3e BRATT and 5assa(es 'is s'ou"ders "i('"y;

7lad to hel-, Mr) Bratt) BRATT

I a--re'iate it) :&'akes TWIMBLEDs 'and0;

7ood l$', T&i*ble) FI-C% :Lookin( a "eers on couner;

Oh, Mr) T&i*ble, do"9t I ha%e to tae this *ail to Mr) Cat'h: TWIMBLE

Cat'h: FI-C%

Cat'h) BRATT

Cat'h) FI-C%

Cat'h) BRATT

Sa#, I 8$st re*e*bered) Mr) Cat'h is looi"! (or a 8$"ior e+e'$ti%e i" his de-art*e"t) F I-C% :oes 'is s5i"e, 'en s*eaks;

He is: BRATT

I9* !oi"! to tal to hi* abo$t #o$) FI-C%

Me: A 8$"ior e+e'$ti%e: BRATT

.o$r !e"erosit# a"d tho$!ht($l"ess *a# -ro%e to ha%e bee" a reall# !ood thi"! (or #o$) FI-C%

B# 7eor!e, ethi'al beha%ior al&a#s -a#s) 99 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BRATT :Crosses R0, ar5 around FI-C%;

Fi"'h, #o$ did a %er# &ise thi"!) :TWIMBLE 4o""ows Mai" 4"a 4"ies ou0 Mai"roo5 s"ides o44 L0 We are now in 'e ouer o44ice0; FI-C%

That does"9t *atter to *e, Mr) Bratt) I did &hat &as ri!ht) :B+ eners 4ro5 R0; B+

M# *other &as %er# ha--# BRATT

;Addressi"! the o((i'e< Bo#s a"d !irls, *eet the "e& head o( the *ailroo*, B$d Fr$*-) :T'ey a"" (a'er around and a**"aud0; B+ :Crosses L0 o FI-C%;

Tha"s, 2o"t#, old *a") FI-C%

7ood l$', B$d)

BRATT

Co*e alo"!, Fi"'h, I &a"t to tal to #o$) :T'ey ei o44 R0; B+ :Crosses L0 o TWIMBLE C0;

He s$re a*a1ed *e) I9* still &o"deri"! &h# he did this (or *e) TWIMBLE :&'ar*"y;

So a* I) I still thi" *# ori!i"al 'hoi'e o( a *a" &as best) B+ :Franic;

No& &ait a *i"$te, T&i*ble) 2o"t# oa#ed it) TWIMBLE

It9s 8$st that B+ :#oin( ri(' on;

We9ll ha%e "o re"e!i"!) I &as -ro*ised the 8ob) 9< %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// TWIMBLE :&a5*s 4oo on 'e 4"oor;

Wait a *i"$te, &ait a *i"$te B$d) I9%e bee" here a lo"!, ti*e) A $arter o a Ce"t$r#) I 8$st &a"t to *ae s$re that thi"!s are do"e the ri!ht &a#) :ro**in( 'ands o 'is sides0; B+

I "o& &hat #o$ *ea", Mr) T&i*ble) Fro* "o& o" ))) :I5iain( TWIMBLE wi' 'is 'ands a 'is sides; G >0 7 T'e Co5*any Way :Re*rise; :Bud, Twi5b"e, C'orus; :B+;

I9LL 2LA. IT THE COM2AN. WA.> WHERE4ER THE COM2AN. 2UTS ME THERE I9LL STA.) :B+ and TWIMBLE bo' dro* 'ands o 'eir sides0; ALL

WHATE4ER THE COM2AN. TELLS HIM, THAT HE9LL DO :Boy A-CER sa"aa5s0; B+

WHATE4ER M. UNCLE MA. THINK, I THINK SO TOO) :B+ akes one se* down0; ALL

OO OO OO) HE9S BEAMIN7 WITH COM2AN. 2RIDE> ‐

‐

B+

I94E CONUERED THAT O4ER AMBITIOUS RAT INSIDE) ‐

TWIMBLE

OLD BUD IS NO LON7ER THE FRUM2 HE USED TO BE) B+

I 2LED7E TO THE COM2AN. SWEET CONFORMIT.) ALL

HOORA./ HOORA./ :B+ crosses L0; B+

I WILL SOMEDA. EARN M. MEDAL :ALL bow0 Two BO.& 4or5 c'air and #IRL duss i0;

TWENT. FI4E .EAR EM2LO.EE) ‐

:A**"ause0; 9= %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :B+;

I9LL SEE TO IT THAT THE MEDAL :B+ sis on 'e si5u"aed c'air0 #IRL cones and sis on 'is "a*0;

IS THE ONL. THIN7 THE.9LL E4ER 2IN ON ME) :B+ and #IRL rise0 B+ crosses R0 o Twi5b"e0; ALL

THE FRUM2 WA. IS THE COM2AN. WA.> E5ECUTI4E 2OLIC. IS B. HIM OKA./ B+

I9LL NE4ER BE 2RESIDENT BUT THERE9S ONE THIN7 CLEAR> :ALL "ean in0;

AS LON7 AS M. UNCLE CAN STAND ME, I WILL STILL BE HERE) ALL

WE KNOW THE COM2AN. MA. LIKE OR LUM2 AN. MAN ))) :ME- "i4 B+ on 'eir s'ou"der0; B+

I9* so -ro$d/ ALL

AND IF THE. CHOOSE TO, THE COM2AN. MA. DUM2 AN. MAN B+

I9* ha--#/ ALL

BUT THE. WILL NE4ER DUM2 FRUM2, THE COM2AN. MAN, FRUM2 WILL 2LA. IT THE COM2AN., FRUM2 WILL 2LA. IT THE COM2AN., FRUM2 WILL 2LA. IT THE COM2AN. WA., FRUM2/ :A4er nu5ber ALL crowd around B+ cener sa(e0 BRATT eners R0 wi' FI-C% and

crosses o #ATC%, 0R, 'o"din( a *ano5i5e con3ersaion0; B+

Co*e o", e%er#bod#) It9s a 'elebratio") I &a"t to i"%ite all o( #o$ to ha%e l$"'h o" *e) :T'ey a**"aud and sar o44 L0; BRATT

;L) o( FINCH< Bo#s a"d !irls, 9> %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :CROW &o*s0; :BRATT;

I ha%e a"other a""o$"'e*e"t to *ae) Mr) 7at'h is tai"! #o$"! Fi"'h i"to de-art*e"t as a 8$"ior e+e'$ti%e) :T'ey a**"aud and sar o carn B+ o440 RO&EMAR. eners L0; B+

Wait a *i"$te/ 8$st a *i"$te/ That l$"'h is D$t'h) I" (a't, it9s 'a"'eled/ Wait a *i"$te/ :T'ey carry 'u' o44 L0 BRATT eis L0 CATC% eis R0; RO&EMAR. :Crosses R0 o FI-C%;

2o"t#, that9s &o"der($l, &o"der($l) I told #o$ to ha%e -atie"'e) FI-C%

.o$ &ere ri!ht, Rose*ar#) Tha"s) RO&EMAR. :Crosses L0 wo se*s;

.o$ sho$ld ha%e so*eo"e aro$"d all the ti*e to hel- #o$ thi" thi"!s o$t) FI-C%

Ma#be I sho$ld) RO&EMAR. :Turns o 'i5;

2o"t#, I9* al&a#s a%ailable) FI-C% :Backin( o44 a "i"e;

.o$9re s$re &o"der($l, Rose*ar#) O"e o( these da#s I ho-e I 'a" sho& *# a--re'iatio" a"d RO&EMAR.

L$"'h/ FI-C%

H$h: RO&EMAR.

I said l$"'h) FI-C%

What abo$t l$"'h: RO&EMAR.

I9d lo%e to) 9? %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C% :urns o 'er;

Lo%e to &hat: RO&EMAR.

.o$ said 6What abo$t l$"'h)6 7ee, I tho$!ht #o$9d "e%er as *e) :Crosses R0 be"ow 'i50;

Let9s see &here &ill &e !o): Sa#) I "o& There9s a little tearoo*, a %er# '$te -la'e, 'alled The H$"!r# T) It9s %er# reaso"able) I9ll !et *# thi"!s a"d *eet #o$ ri!ht here) ‐

:&'e (oes I; FI-C% :Le4 a"one, crosses L0 o C0;

I did"9t *ea" 6What abo$t l$"'h:6, I *ea"t 6What abo$t l$"'h:6 I *ea" ))) :CATC% eners wi' JE-KI-& 4ro5 eecui3e suie0 T'ey sand on riser a"kin(0 JE-KI-& eis LLR0 CATC% sees FI-C%, co5es downsa(e0; CATC%

Sa# Fi"'h FI-C%

.es, sir, Mr) Cat'h) CATC%

Ho&9s the #o$"! 8$"ior e+e'$ti%e (eeli"!: FI-C%

Fi"e, Mr) Cat'h, (i"e) CATC%

Co*e o", I9ll b$# #o$ l$"'h i" the E+e'$ti%e Cl$b $- o" the roo() FI-C%

L$"'h: I" the E+e'$ti%e Cl$b: Me: CATC%

S$re) No& that #o$9re a 8$"ior e+e', I 'a" -$t #o$ o" *# e+-e"se a''o$"t) FI-C%

It9s a !reat ho"or, Mr) Cat'h) I9ll !et *# 'oat) :%e eis L0; CATC%

Oa#) I9ll *eet #o$ at the ele%ator) :CATC% sars o44 R0 RO&EMAR. reeners

4ro5 R0;

Ah, Rose*ar#, dear, seei"! #o$ al&a#s bri!hte"s $- *# da#s) :%e *us 'is ar5s around 'er0; 9 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// RO&EMAR. :#ein( "oose;

2lease, Mr) 7at'h CATC% :Lein( 'er (o;

I9%e !ot to sto- readi"! 2la#bo#) :%e eis R0; FI-C% :Reenerin( 4ro5 L0, now wearin( sui acke;

Rose*ar#, I9%e !ot a s$r-rise (or #o$) Mr) Cat'h is tai"! *e to l$"'h) G ?07 Rose5ary@s 1'i"oso*'y :Rose5ary; RO&EMAR.

To l$"'h: FI-C% :Crosses R0 be"ow 'er;

.e-) Ho& do I loo: RO&EMAR.

.o$ loo (i"e, 2o"t#) :Crosses +0L0 o 'er akes red 4"ower 4ro5 3ase, crosses back and *us i in FI-C%Ds "a*e"0;

0$st (i"e) Ha%e a !ood ti*e) FI-C%

Tha"s, Rose*ar#) :%e sars o44 R0, so*s a side and akes ou book, sars o read0 RO&EMAR. crosses +0L0 and sis a 'ird desk4ro5 cener, "ookin( a4er FI-C%0; BOOK VOICE

I( #o$ ha%e (ollo&ed the si*-le i"str$'tio"s e+a'tl# as o$tli"ed, #o$ sho$ld b# "o& be a 8$"ior e+e'$ti%e) Co"!rat$latio"s) Nothi"! 'a" sto- #o$ "o&) :FI-C% c"oses book and (oes +0R0 ino eecui3e suie0; RO&EMAR.

HA22. TO KEE2 HIS DINNER WARM TILL HE COMES WEARIL. HOME) &cene = :BI##L. seaed a desk, is on *'one a"kin( o 'is Wi4e0; 9

%OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BI##LE. :On *'one;

.es, dear, #es, dear ))) ) B$t, da**it, 7ert$de, I ha%e"9t !ot ti*e (or this "o"se"se abo$t B$d) I "o& blood is thi'er tha" &ater, b$t B$d Fr$*- is thi'er tha" a"#thi"!) I9ll -ro*ote hi* &he" I9* read#) No&, liste" to *e, 7ertr$de, the "e+t ti*e B$d 'o*-lai"s to his *other a"d she 'alls #o$ a"d #o$ 'all *e, #o$9re all (ired/ :%an(s u*0 Inerco5 bues0 BI##LE. c"icks swic', s*eaks (ru44"y0;

.es, Miss 0o"es) MI&& JO-E&D VOICE

There9s a #o$"! lad# &ho i"sists o" s-eai"! &ith #o$, Mr) B) She sa#s it9s -erso"al) BI##LE.

What9s she &a"t What9s her "a*e: ‐

MI&& JO-E&D VOICE

She sa#s #o$9ll "o&) BI##LE. :&5a"" *ause, 'en as (ru44 as e3er;

Oh) Well, -$t her o", -$t her o") :C"icks inerco5 swic', srai('ens 'is ie, *icks u* *'one0 T'en in "ow, ini5ae 3oice and wi' a sron( air o4 5ysery0;

Hello))) Well, "o&, #o$ "e& I &o$ld"9t (or!et) I9ll tae 'are o( e%er#thi"!) O"e *o*e"t) :C"icks inerco50;

Miss 0o"es, !et *e Bratt i" -erso""el ri!ht a&a#) :Back o *'one0;

.o$ be here to*orro&) Fi"e) 9B#e) :%e *us'es ano'er buon on *'one0;

Hello, Bratt, 0)B) Id lie #o$ to do *e a (a%or) I &o"der i( #o$ 'o$ld (i"d a s-ot (or a a #o$"! lad#) Wa"ts to be a se'retar#) She9s $h ))) a" old (rie"d o( the (a*il#9s) Her dad &as a 'lass*ate o( *i"e at Old I%#) She9s a bri!ht !irl) 7ot a !ood head o" her sho$lders) Her "a*e is LaR$e) Hed# LaR$e) G 07 %edy :Orc'esra; < %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// ///////////////////////////////////////

&cene > :T%E CORRIOR OF T%E WORL WIE WICKET COM1A-., sa5e as &cene 80 As 'e b"ack 3e"our 4"ies u*, %E. LAR+E is sandin( sa(e cener0 &'e is a dis'0 A beaui4u" dis'0 &'e is dressed so5ew'a "ike a Lain Nuarer s'ow(ir" w'o 'as sruck i ric'0 -o 3ery "oud, no 3ery bad ase, bu us oo 5uc' o4 e3ery'in( 0 &'e sands *er4ec"y *oised in a sauesue *ose0 ME- be(in o ener as 'ou(' drawn by &onic in3isib"e c"oud o4 *er4u5e0 A one 5o5en a FEW OF T%EM cross 'e sa(e one a4er ano'er0 T'ey see5 o be oa""y absorbed in 'e *a*ers 'ey are carryin(, 'en sudden"y see %E., so* and oin 'e #RO+1 'aDs ad5irin( 'er0 B+ eners R0, crosses sa(e L0, so*s dead in 'is racks, urns back, a"ks o 'e (rou* o4 ME- sa(e L0, crosses be"ow %E., a"ks o 'e MEsa(e R0, srai('ens 'is ie and crosses o 'e L0 o4 %E.0; B+

Ca" I hel- #o$, ho"e#: :%E. urns o "ook a 'i50 &'e "ooks 'i5 o3er 3er y care4Q""y 4or a (ood "on( une and 4ina""y s'e s*eaks0; %E. :Wi' a s"i(' re(a" oss o4 'er 'ead;

S'ra*) :MI&& KR+M%OLT2 and #IRL ener R0; B+ :A4er 'e reco3ers;

.o$ do"9t $"dersta"d, Miss) .o$ see, I9* B$d Fr$*-, 0)B) Bi!!le#9s "e-he&) :BOT% cross 0&0; %E.

Oh, ho& do #o$ do: I9* &aiti"! (or Mr) Bratt o( 2erso""el) I9* a se'retar#) B+

I s-otted that the *i"$te #o$ 'a*e i") %E.

Oh, tha" #o$) O( 'o$rse, I9* "e& at this a"d :BRATTD eners +0 L0, 4o""owed by &MITT., crosses R0 o L0 o4 %E.0; BRATT

Miss LaR$e: :TWO #IRL& and TWO ME- ener R0; %E.

.eah: I *ea", #es: <6 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// ///////////////////////////////////////

BRATT

I9* Bert Bratt, 2erso""el) Sorr# to ha%e e-t #o$ &aiti"!) %E.

Oh, "ot at all, sir) It is i &ho* a* late) BRATT

Oh, "ot reall#) %E.

Oh, #es) I &as %er# "a$!ht# this *or"i"!) I9* still "ot a''$sto*ed to earl# arisal :EVER.BO. reacs0 OT%ER OFFICE 1ER&O--EL ener0; BRATT

I $"dersta"d) Well, i( #o$9ll ste- i"to *# o((i'e, &e9ll ))) :%e urns, bu5*s ino &MITF.0;

Oh, sorr#) This is Miss S*ith, *# se'retar#) %E. :Leanin(, across BRATT,;

Ho& are #o$, dear: &MITT.

Fi"e, dear) Uh, Mr) Bratt, Mr) Bratt/ BRATT

.es, S*itt#: &MITT.

I ha%e to !et so*e "e& ta+ &ithholdi"! bla"s) BRATT

.es, #o$ do that, S*itt#) :&'e (oes L0 BRATTD escors %E. oward 'is o44ice0; BRATT

Miss LaR$e, i( #o$ &ill 8$st 'o*e i" here &ith *e, I9ll !et #o$r -arti'$lars) %E.

Thirt# "i"e, t&e"t# t&o, thirt# ei!ht) ‐

‐

‐

:&'e eis +0L0 'rou(' *ersonne" door, BRATT 4o""owin( 'er0; B+

I &i" the -ool) :OT%ER OFFICE 1ER&O--EL ener0; JE-KI-&

Bo#, is"9t she so*ethi"!/ AVI&

She s$re is) <8 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :BRATT reeners0; BRATT

7e"tle*e", o"e *o*e"t -lease) :ME- cross L0 o Bra0;

JE-KI-& :Crosses L0 o Bra;

Sa#, Bratt, I "eed a "e& se'retar#) MA-

So do I) BRATT

7e"tle*e", Miss LaR$e &ill be assi!"ed a''ordi"! to "or*al -ro'ed$re as soo" as her $ali(i'atio"s ha%e bee" deter*i"ed) JE-KI-&

I9d s$re lie to deter*i"e the*) ME-

Me, too, et'), et') G 07 A &ecreary Is -o A Toy :Bra, Bud, Miss Kru5'o", C'orus; BRATT

7e"tle*e" ))) 7ENTLEMEN BRATT

A SECRETAR. IS NOT A TO., NO, M. BO.> NOT A TO. TO FONDLE AND DANDLE AND 2LA.FULL. HANDLE IN SEARCH OF SOME 2UERILE 0O.) NO, A SECRETAR. IS NOT DEFINITEL. NOT, A TO.) :BRATT (oes ino 'is o44ice +0L0 ALL wac' 'i5 ei0; JE-KI-& :Crosses R0 so*s;

.o$9re absol$tel# ri!ht, Mr) Bratt) B+ :Crosses R0 so*s;

We &o$ld"9t ha%e it a"# other &a#, Mr) Bratt) JE-KI-& :Crosses R0 so*s;

It9s a 'o*-a"# r$le, Mr) Bratt) <9 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :Eis R0 ALL ei bu T%REE BO.&0 #IRL crosses L0 oR0; T%REE BO.& :C0;

A SECRETAR. IS NOT A TO., NO, M. BO., NOT A TO.> SO DO NOT 7O 0UM2IN7 FOR 0O., TWO BO.&

BO.) A SECRETAR. IS NOT, A SECRETAR. IS NOT, A SECRETAR. IS NOT TWO BO.& A- FO+R #IRL&

A TO.) FOUR 7IRLS :Crossin( L0;

A SECRETAR. IS NOT TO BE USED FOR 2LA. THERA2.) ALL

BE 7OOD TO THE 7IRL .OU EM2LO., BO.> REMEMBER, NO MATTER WHAT NEUROTIC TROUBLE .OU94E 7OT, A SECRETAR. IS NOT A TO.) :Ty*ewrier seuence0;

SHE9S A HI7HL. S2ECIALIED KE. COM2ONENT OF O2ERATIONAL UNIT.3 A FINE AND SENSITI4E MECHANISM TO SER4E THE OFFICE COMMUNIT.) BO.&

WITH A MOTHER AT HOME SHE SU22ORTS, B+ :Eners R0, crosses 0C0;

AND .OU9LL FIND NOTHIN7 LIKE HER AT F)A)O) SCHWAR/ :Eis +0R0; MI&& KR+M%OLT2 :Crossin( R0 o L0 wi' TWO BO.&;

A SECRETAR. IS NOT A 2ET, NOR AN ERECTOR SET) << %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// MI&& KR+M%OLT2 A- TWO BO.&

IT HA22ENED TO CHARLIE MCCO., BO.) THE. FIRED HIM LIKE A SHOT3 THE DA. THE FELLOW FOR7OT A SECRETAR. IS NOT ))) A TO.) :ance0;

ALL A SECRETAR. IS NOT ))) A TO.) :Ei R0 and L0; BO.& :L0 in *ersonne" door;

AND WHEN .OU 2UT HER TO USE>

OBSER4E, WHEN .OU 2UT HER TO USE, B+ :R0 in door;

THAT .OU DON9T FIND THE NAME 6LIONEL6 ON HER CABOOSE) T%REE #IRL& :Crossin( 0 C0;

A SECRETAR. IS NOT A THIN7 WOUND B. KE., 2ULLED B. STRIN7) HER 2AD IS TO WRITE IN AND NOT S2END THE NI7HT IN3 IF THAT9S WHAT .OU 2LAN TO EN0O.) NO/ ALL :Enerin( 4ron L0 and R0;

THE SECRETAR. .97OT IS DEFINITEL. NOT EM2LO.ED TO DO A 7A4OTTE3 OR .OU KNOW WHAT) :ALL 4ade0 +*0;

BEFORE .OU 0UM2 FOR 0O. REMEMBER THIS, M. BO., A SECRETAR. IS NOT) A TINKER TO./ G a 7 T'e Eecui3es@ Ei :Orc'esra; <= %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// &cene ? :T%E ELEVATOR LA-I-#0 A bank o4 'ree e"e3aors wo o4 w'ic' are *racica"0 1EO1LE are "ea3in( 4or 'e day, door o*ens; #IRL :Eners L0 wi' (ir"4riend, *us'es down buon;

So I said, 60$st ee- #o$r ha"ds &here the# belo"! ))),, :T'ey (o ino e"e3aor sa(e L0; MA:Eners I wi' A-OT%ER MA-;

So he said I9* "e+t i" li"e (or -ro*otio") :T'ey (o ino e"e3aor sa(e L0; :Two #IRL& ener4ro5 L0; &ECO- #IRL

So I said, 60$st ee- #o$r ha"ds &here the# belo"!)))69 :T'ey (o ino e"e3aor sa(e L0; :Two ME- ener 4ro5 L0; &ECO- MA-

So he said I9ll be head o( sales i" a #ear &ith a raise a"d :T'ey (o ino e"e3aor sa(e L0; :Two #IRL& ener 4ro5 R0; T%IR #IRL

So I said, 60$st ee- #o$r ha"ds &here the# belo"!)))69 :T'ey (o ino e"e3aor sa(e L0; :Two ME- ener 4ro5 L0; T%IR MA-

I9* d#i"! to see that "e&, -rod$'tio" 'hart) :T'ey (o ino e"e3aor sa(e L0; :MI&& KR+M%OLT2 and #IRL ener 4ro5 L0; MI&& KR+M%OLT2

So, &hat the hell, I9* ha%i"! di""er &ith hi*) :T'ey (o ino e"e3aor sa(e L0; <> %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :FI-C% eners L0, crosses o e"e3aor as doors c"ose in 'is 4ace0 %e crosses o sa(e I e"e3aor and *us'es down buon0 BI##LE. eners R0 wi' MI&& JO-E& and crosses o 4ron o4 e"e3aor L0 FI-C% wi"" sand on 'e o'er side o4 'e sa(e, care4u""y "isenin( wi' e3ery ear on 'is 'ead0; BI##LE. :Crossin( o L0 o4 C0;

Did #o$ 'all *# &i(e a"d sa# I &o"9t be ho*e (or di""er: MI&& JO-E& :Fo""owin( 'i5;

.es, Mr) B) B# the &a#, #o$ le(t #o$r !ol( 'l$bs i" the o((i'e) To*orro& is Sat$rda# a"d #o$9re -la#i"! &ith Mr) Wo*-er, the 'hair*a" o( the board) BI##LE.

Oh, #es) Well, I9ll he sh#i"! i" to&" to"i!ht so I9ll 'o*e i" a"d -i' the 'l$bs $- i" the *or"i"!) MI&& JO-E&

A"d #o$ ased *e to re*i"d #o$ abo$t #o$r 'olle!e al$*"i asso'iatio") BI##LE.

Oh, #eah) Well, se"d the* the sa*e 'he') I !et a i' o$t o( thi"i"! o( their (a'es &he" the# !et that (at 'he' (ro* Old Least Liel# To S$''eed) ‐

‐

‐

MI&& JO-E&

4er# &ell, Mr) Bi!!Ie :TACKABERR. eners R0, crosses o R0 o4 C0; TACKABERR.

Sa#, 0)B), there9s a -ho"e 'all) .o$r &i(e) BI##LE. :To Tackaberry;

M# &i(e: Dat) I9ll tae it i" #o$r o((i'e) That9s all, Miss 0o"es) :%e eis I TACKABERR. 4o""ows 'i50 MI&& JO-E& sars o44 R0 FI-C% crosses  so**in( 'er0; FI-C%

Oh, Miss 0o"es/ MI&& JO-E&

Hello, 2o"t#) Ho&9s the #o$"! 8$"ior e+e'$ti%e: FI-C%

0$st (i"e, Miss 0o"es, tha"s to the hel-($l ad%i'e I9%e bee" !etti"! (ro* .OU) MI&& JO-E& :Crosses K;

Well, I9* !lad o$r little tals ha%e -ro%e" %al$able)
The# s$re ha%e) :&'e crosses R0 be"ow FI-C%0;

Oh, b# the &a#, !ood l$' to"i!ht) MI&& JO-E& :&o*s;

7ood l$': FI-C%

.es) I" the bo&li"! to$r"a*e"t) I hear that #o$9re the best bo&ler o" the ladies9 tea*) MI&& JO-E& :Crosses L0 o FI-C%;

Ho& s&eet o( #o$ to be i"terested i" a thi"! lie that) FI-C% :-oseonose;

I9* (as'i"ated b# the hobbies o( -eo-le I lie) MI&& JO-E&

Sa#/ Wo$ld #o$ lie to 'o*e &at'h $s bo&l to"i!ht: FI-C% :Reacs, Crosses L0 wo se*s;

I9d lo%e to, Miss 0o"es, b$t I sho$ld !o to bed earl#) I9* &ori"! to*orro&) MI&& JO-E&

O" Sat$rda#: No o"e aro$"d here &ors o" Sat$rda#) :Crosses L0 o 'i50;

2o"t#, #o$9re a %er# $"$s$al bo#) .o$9ll !o (ar)

FI-C%

Miss 0o"es, that *ea"s a lot #o$r sa#i"! that be'a$se #o$9re Mr) Bi!!le#9s se'retar# a"d he9s the *a" I *ost &a"t to e*$late) He9s so 'a-able a"d tho$!ht($l) I heard hi* re*e*beri"! to se"d a 'he' to his old s'hool) Har%ard, is"9t it: ‐

‐

MI&& JO-E&

Har%ard: Do"9t e%er let 0)B) hear #o$ sa# that) He9s a 7ro$"dho!) FI-C%

B$t &here did he !o to 'olle!e): MI&& JO-E&

Old I%#) :&ars O44 R0; FI-C%

Old I%#: < %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// MI&& JO-E& :so*s;

O( 'o$rse) The#9re the 7ro$"dho!s) Mr) Bi!!le# is %er# -ro$d o( his old s'hool) Well, !ood "i!ht, 2o"t#) :&ars o44 R0 a(ain0; FI-C%

7ood "i!ht, Miss 0o"es) MI&& JO-E& :&o*s;

Do"9t &or too hard) FI-C%

Do"9t &orr#, I &o"9t) ;MI&& JO-E& eis R0 RO&EMAR. and &MITT. ener L0 T'ey so* w'en 'ey see FI-C%; RO&EMAR. :Crosses be"ow &MITT. o FI-C%, R0 o4 C0;

Hello, stra"!er) FI-C%

Oh, hi, Rose*ar#) Hi, S*itt#) &MITT. :One se* R0;

Hi, 2o"t#) :1resses down e"e3aor buon sa(e I;

Bee" a lo"! da#, has"9t it: FI-C%

S$re has)

RO&EMAR.

I ha%e"9t see" #o$ si"'e #o$ !ot #o$r "e& 8ob) FI-C%

Oh, I9%e bee" &ori"! -rett# hard) RO&EMAR.

Bee" a lo"! da#) &MITT. :&udden 'ou(';

Sa#, Rose*ar#, &here are #o$ ha%i"! di""er to"i!ht: RO&EMAR. :Crosses L0 be"ow &5iy;

That de-e"ds) < %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// &MITT.

O" &hat: RO&EMAR.

O" &here I9* ha%i"! di""er) :Looks a FI-C%0; &MITT.

H$h: Oh/ :BOT% #IRL& urn +0&0; G 6 7 Been A Lon( ay :&5iy, Rose5ary, Finc'; &MITT.

WELL, HERE IT IS FI4E 2)M), THE FINISH OF A LON7 DA.9S WORK AND THERE THE. ARE, BOTH OF THEM, THE SECRETAR. AND THE CLERK ))) :RO&EMAR. "ooks a FI-C%0 FI-C% "ooks a 'er0 &'e "ooks away0 RO&EMAR. "ooks a FI-C%, FI-C% "ooks away0 RO&EMAR. "ooks away0;

NOT 4ER. WELL ACUAINTED, NOT 4ER. MUCH TO SA. BUT I CAN HEAR THOSE TWO LITTLE MINDS TICKIN7 AWA.) NOW SHE9S THINKIN7 RO&EMAR. :Turns 4ron;

I WONDER IF WE TAKE THE SAME BUS: &MITT.

AND HE9S THINKIN7? FI-C% :Turns 4ron;

THERE COULD BE UITE A THIN7 BETWEEN US)

&MITT.

NOW, SHE9S THINKIN7? RO&EMAR.

HE REALL. IS A DEAR) &MITT.

AND HE9S THINKIN7? FI-C%

BUT WHAT OF M. CAREER: = %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// &MITT.

THEN SHE SA.S? :RO&EMAR. yawns crosses R0 o &MITT.;

AND HE SA.S? FI-C%

Err ))) $h :Crosses L0 o &MITT.0;

Well it9s bee" a lo"! da#> ALL

WELL, IT9S BEEN A LON7, BEEN A LON7, BEEN A LON7, BEEN A LON7 DA.) &MITT.


I WISH THAT HE WERE MORE OF A FLIRT) &MITT.


I 7UESS A LITTLE FLIRTIN7 WON9T HURT) &MITT.


FOR DINNER WE COULD MEET) &MITT.


WE BOTH HA4E 7OT TO EAT) &MITT.

THEN, SHE SA.S? RO&EMAR.

ACHOO/ :Crosses R0 o &MITT.;

&MITT.

AND HE SA.S? FI-C%

7ESUNDHEIT/ :Crosses L0 o &5iy; =6 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// RO&EMAR.

Tha" #o$) FI-C%

WELL, IT9S BEEN A LON7 DA., ALL

WELL, IT9S BEEN A LON7, BEEN A LON7, BEEN A LON7, BEEN A LON7 DA.) &MITT. :+n4o"ds news*a*er;

HE./ THERE9S A .UMM. FRIDA. S2ECIAL AT STOUFFER9S> IT9S A DOLLAR NINET. 4E7ETABLE 2LATE) AND ON THE BOTTOM OF THE AD3 NOT BAD 6SER4ICE FOR TWO, THREE FIFT. EI7HT> TO MAKE A BAR7AIN, MAKE A DATE)6 ‐

RO&EMAR.

WONDERFUL/ FI-C%

IT9S FATE/ &MITT.


WHAT FEMALE KIND OF TRA2 COULD I S2RIN7: &MITT.


I MI7HT AS WELL FOR7ET THE WHOLE THIN7) &MITT.

NOW, SHE9S THINKIN7 :Crosses R0 abo3e FI-C%0; RO&EMAR.

SU22OSE I TAKE HIS ARM :Crosses R0 o FI-C%0; &MITT.

AND HE9S THINKIN7?

FI-C%

WELL, REALL., WHAT9S THE HARM: =8 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// &MITT.

THEN, SHE SA.S? RO&EMAR.

HUN7R.: &MITT.

AND HE SA.S? :1ause0; FI-C%

.EAH/ RO&EMAR.

.EAH/ &MITT.

.EAH/ ALL

WELL IT9S BEEN A LON7 DA.> WELL, ITS BEEN A LON7, BEEN A LON7, BEEN LON7, BEEN A LON7 DA.) :E"e3aor doors o*en0 C%OR+& sin(s0; C%OR+&

WELL IT9S BEEN A LON7, BEEN A LON7, BEEN A LON7, BEEN A LON7 DA.) RO&EMAR. and FI-C% ener e"e3aor L0 &MITT. eners e"e3aor R0 E"e3aor down C"ose0 A4er son(, BI##LE. reeners R0 5uerin( o 'i5se"40 %e crosses L00 *us'es down e "e3aor buon0; BI##LE.

Blitheri"!, blatheri"!) :B+ eners L0, carin( e5*y 5ai" sack0 BI##LE. so*s 'i5, (rabs 'i5 by 'e ie0; BI##LE.

Da**it, #o$9%e bee" 'o*-lai"i"! to #o$r *other a!ai") She &a"ts #o$ -ro*oted) B+

Wh# "ot: Other -eo-le are bei"! -ro*oted BI##LE.

Well, I told #o$r A$"t 7ertr$de that :%E. eners R0; %E.

Oh, there #o$ )))

=9 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :%E.; :&ees B+, co5*oses 'erse"4;

7ood e%e"i"!, Mr) Bi!!le#) :Crosses o R0 e"e3aor0; BI##LE. :Care4u""y business"ike;

Oh, !ood e%e"i"!, Miss LaR$e) B+

U"'le 0as-er/ BI##LE. :Turns o B+;

I told #o$ "e%er to 'all *e that aro$"d here) B+

I9* sorr#, 0)B) BI##LE.

No&, ha%e"9t #o$ !ot so*ethi"! to do: B+

I &as 8$st !oi"! to !et *# hat a"d !o ho*e) BI##LE.

7ood) :B+ (oes s"ow"y R0, "ookin( back a BI##LE. and %E.; BI##LE. :1u""in( 'i5se"4 o(e'er and crossin( R0 o %E.;

Ho& do #o$ lie #o$r "e& 8ob, Miss LaR$e: %E.

It9s a bi!, (at "othi"!) :B+ o3er'ears 'is, 'en eis R0; BI##LE.

S&eetheart, do"9t tal that &a# aro$"d here) %E.

I tho$!ht #o$ &ere !oi"! to hel- *e be a bi! b$si"ess &o*a" lie Hele"a R$bi"stei" or Bett# Cro'er) So &hat ha--e"s: I9* st$' i" the !odda*" ste"o!ra-hi' -ool &ith "o o"e to (ish *e the hell o$t) BI##LE.

Ssssshhh) A"!el these thi"!s tae ti*e) .o$ ha%e to lear" :&OMEO-E crosses R0 o L0 and BI##LE. sudden"y swic'es o a "oud bu siness"ike one0;

.es, Miss LaR$e, i" a lar!e o-eratio" lie World Wide Wi'ets there are *a"# *$lti-le (a'ets

&hi'h are %er# i*-orta"t i" the s'he*e o( thi"!s) =< %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// /////////////// :BI##LE.; :1ER&O- eis L0 and BI##LE. swic'es back o 'is *"eadin( one0;

Hed#, I -ro*ise #o$ ))) %E.

I !i%e $- a &o"der($l 8ob) Head 'i!arette !irl at the Co-a) BI##LE.

B$t the s$rro$"di"!s) .o$ said #o$ hated all those *e" stari"! at #o$, *ai"! ad%a"'es) %E.

It9s "o di((ere"t aro$"d here i" bi! b$si"ess) At least at the Co-a, &he" I !ot -i"'hed, @ !ot ti--ed) :Crosses R0;

Aro$"d here a !irl 'a"9t be"d do&" to -i' $- a -e"'il &ith 'o"(ide"'e) BI##LE. :Crosses R0 o 'er;

.o$ .o $ *ea" so*eo"e has bee" botheri"! #o$: Who: 8$st 8$s t let *e "o& &ho) :&OMEO-E crosses L0 o R0 BI##LE.D& 3oice (oes u* a(ain0;

.es/ .es/ Miss, i" a lar!e o-eratio" o-e ratio" lie World Wide Fa'ets, there are *a"# *$lti-le &i'ets &hi'h ))) Who -i"'hed #o$: %E.

I do"9t 'are abo$t that) Loo, #o$ did "ot ee- #o$r -art o( *# bar!ai") BI##LE.

S&eetheart/ I *ea"t e%er# &ord) Tell #o$ &hat, I9ll *eet #o$ at #o$r -la'e i" te" *i"$tes a"d &e 'a" tal it o%er) %E. :Turns s"ow"y o 'i5;

No) BI##LE.

B$t, a"!el :B+ eners R0 wi' 'is 'a and coa on, dressed eac"y "ike BI##LE.0 BI##LE.Ds VOICE (oes u* a(ain0;

.es, .es, Miss, i" a lar!e o-eratio" o-era tio" lie World Wide Wi'ets, Wi'ets, there are *a"# *$lti-le (a'ets &hi'h ))) :B+ crosses o e"e3aor L0, *us'es down buon0 %e srai('ens 'is ie, brus'@s o44 o44 'is coa, coninues *ri5*in(0 BI##LE. "ooks a B+ and 'en a 'is own iiiD, 66 'ey are dressed idenica""y0 I5*aien"y 'e crosses L0 o B+0;

Wh# do"9t #o$ !o ho*e: == %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// /////////////// B+

I9* &aiti"! (or the ele%ator) BI##LE.

Wh# do"9t #o$ &al do&": B+

It9s thirt# (loors/ BI##LE. :Turnin( 'is 'ead away 4ro5 B+ and s*eakin( under 'is brea';

Wh# do"9t #o$ 8$*-: B+ :1uin( on 'is ("o3es and akin( a "ook a %E.;

4er# 4er# attra'ti%e attra't i%e !irl, Miss LaR$e) BI##LE.

H$h: Oh, #es, I !$ess so) I &as 8$st, $h, tr#i"! to *ae her (eel at ho*e) She see*s to be rather a sh# -erso") B+

.es) We9ll, #o$ !o ahead, 0)B) :BI##LE. sars R0;

I9* *eeti"! Mother (or di""er) :BI##LE. so*s dead, crosses back o B+0;

She lo%es di""er &ith *e) I tell her e%er#thi"! that ha--e"s all da# at the o((i'e) G 66 7 Been A Lon( ay :Re*rise; :Bud, Bi(("ey, %edy; :Crosses R0 be"ow BI##LE. o C0; :B+;

NOW HE9S THINKIN7? BI##LE.

THE KID COULD REALL. 2UT ME THROU7H HELL/ B+

AND SHE9S THINKIN7? %E.

THE KID COULD E4EN NAME THE HOTEL) B+

NOW HE9S THINKIN7? BI##LE.

I WONDER IF HE9D DARE3 => %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////// ////////////////////

//////////////////////// /////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// B+

AND SHE9S THINKIN7? %E.

THERE9S BLACKMAIL IN THE AIR) B+

AND HE SA.S? BI##LE.

IT9S A HOLDU2/ :E"e3aor i doors o*en0; B+

AND SHE SA.S? %E.

DOWN: BI##LE.

Wait Wait a *i"$te/ Oa#, #o$9re -ro*oted) :Crosses R0 be"ow B+ o %E.0; ALL

WELL, IT9S BEEN A LON7, BEEN A LON7, BEEN A LON7, BEEN A LON7 DA. D A.)) :%E. and BI##LE. (o ino e"e3aor I oors c"ose0 B+ crosses L0; B+

WELL, IT9S BEEN A LON7, BEEN A LON7, BEEN A LON7, BEEN A LON7 DA. D A.)) :E"e3aor L0 doors o*en, B+ backs back s ino e"e3aor0;

HA/ :oors c"ose0; G 66a 7 &aurday Mornin( :Orc'esra; &cene  :T%E O+TER OFFICE0 &aurday 5ornin(0 esks anD c"ean, y*ewriers are co3ered0 T'e w'o"e o44ice 'as a4res', c"ean "ook0 Two &CR+BWOME- wi' 5o*s, ec0, are, us 4inis'in( u*0 T'ey are s5okin( ci(arees0; FIR&T &CR+BWOMA:Lookin( around;

Oa#, 0a'ie, that9s it) =? %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// /////////////// &ECO- &CR+BWOMA:L0 o4 C0;

.e-, .e-, all s-i' as a s-a") I bet "o& so*e slob9ll 'o*e i" a"d dirt# it all $-) FIR&T &CR+BWOMA-

Nah, "ot o" Sat9d# *or"i"!) Co*e o", let9s do the bi! shot9s "o&) :T'ey (o ino eecui3e suie +0 R0 A4er a 5o5en, FI-C% eners 4ro5 +0 L0 A4er a ("ance o 5ake sure no one is around, uick"y 'e dro*s o*coa on 'ird desk, crosses 0 be"ow desks0 1us aac' case on 4"oor0 1us *a*ers 4ro5 case on 4irs desk and o n 4"oor around desk0 Tosses addin( 5ac'ine co3er +0&0 Takes 4our *a*er co44ee cu*s ou o4 case and *us 'e5 on 'is desk0 Takes as'ray and ba( o4 ci(aree bus ou o4 case and 4i""s as'ray, *us on desk0 1us *a*er ba( back in case0 C"oses case, *us i under second desk0 +nro""s addin( 5ac'ine a*e and winds i around "a5* "ein( i 'an( down on 'e 4"oor0 Re5o3es acke, *us i on c'air o4 second desk0 Loosens ie, ru5*"es 'air0 Co""a*ses in c'air o44irs desk, 'ead on desk as 'ou(' sound as"ee*0 BI##LE. eners4ro5 R0 and 'eads 4or eecui3e suie0 %e is dressed 4or (o"40 %e sees FI-C%, so*s dead, "ooks a wac', wa"ks o3er o FI-C% and a*s 'i5 on s'ou"der0; BI##LE.

7ood *or"i"!) FI-C% :Rises, crosses L0 as 'ou(' wakin( u* 4ro5 a na*;

Oh, is it *or"i"! alread#, sir: BI##LE.

7ood 7od, *a") Ha%e #o$ bee" &ori"! all "i!ht): FINCH :Crosses u* o 'is desk;

Well I had a (e& thi"!s to 'at'h $- o") I sho$ld"9t be here *$'h lo"!er) BI##LE.

B# 7eor!e $h, I9* sorr#, #o$r "a*e sli-s *# *i"d) FI-C%

Fi"'h, sir) F I N C H) ‐

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:&is0; BI##LE.

Oh, #es) I9%e heard so*e !ood thi"!s abo$t #o$ (ro* *# s'o$ts) FI-C%

Tha" #o$, sir) BI##LE.

Well, Fi"'h, it9s !reat to see a *a" i" there 'arr#i"!, the ball) .o$ "o&s #o$ *ae *e (eel a bit !$ilt#) I 8$st dro--ed i" to -i' $- *# !ol( 'l$bs) I ha%e to -la# a ro$"d toda# &ith old Wall# Wo*-er) He9s 'hair*a" o( the board, #o$ "o&) = %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C%

I i*a!i"e o"e ha%e to do that sort o( thi"! o"'e i" a &hile)

BI##LE.

No& do"9t -$sh #o$rsel( too hard, Fi"'h) There are li*its, #o$ "o&) FI-C% :Bra3e"y;

Oh, do"9t &orr# abo$t *e, sir) BI##LE. :&ars o44;

Ill 8$st !et *# 'l$bs) ;Starts $- ste-s to e+e'$ti%e s$ite) FINCH rises a"d be!i"s h$**i"! *elod# o( OLD I4. BI77LE. sto-s dead as he hears &hat FINCH is si"!i"!) Crosses ba' to FINCH)< What9s that #o$9re h$**i"!: FI-C% :&o*s 'u55in(;

H$h: Oh, I did"9t reali1e I &as h$**i"!, Sir) BI##LE.

.o$ &ere h$**i"! the Old I%# (i!ht so"!) FI-C% :oes 'is s5i"e, 'en s*eaks;

I !$ess It &as $"'o"s'io$s o" *# -art) BI##LE.

Did #o$ !o there: Were #o$ a 7ro$"dho!): FI-C% :%esian"y;

Well, Sir :&is0; BI##LE.

Sa# it, bo#/ Co*e o$t &ith it) I "o& a lot o( !$#s ha%e a" i"(eriorit# 'o*-le+ be'a$se the# did"9t !o to .ale or 2ri"'eto") .o$9re "ot asha*ed o( Old I%#, are #o$: FI-C%

No, Sir, "ot a bit) ;Rises)< BI##LE.

That9s the 7ro$"dho! s-irit) I sho$ld ha%e "o&" #o$ &ere Old I%#) What #ear: :FI-C% crosses 0 o C0, "os in 'ou('S 5akes 4ooba"" *ass 5oion0 BI##LE. crosses 0;

Fi"'h, &he" did #o$ !rad$ate: = %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C%

Oh, I9* sorr#, Sir) I &as thi"i"! abo$t the bi! !a*e toda#) I9* sorr# I ha%e to *iss it) Were

-la#i"! the Chi-*$"s) BI##LE.

That9s ri!ht) I 'a"9t !et $- there, either) 8 ho-e those da*"ed Chi-*$"s do"9t !i%e $s too *$'h tro$ble) FI-C%

Oh, I thi" &e9ll tae the*, Sir) Char"o&s#9s "ee is *$'h better) BI##LE.

Oh, &ith Char"o&s# i" there the tea*9s *orale sho$ld -i' $-) He9s the dirtiest -la#er &e9%e !ot) FI-C%

Well, e%e" tho$!h &e9re "ot there i" -erso", &e9ll be rooti"! (or 9e*) Ri!ht: BI##LE.

Ri!ht) G 68 7 O"d I3y :Bi(("ey, Finc'; :BI##LE.;

7RR R R ROUNDHO7/ ‐

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:T'ey s'ake 'ands0; FI-C%

7R R R R R ROUNDHO7/ ‐

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BI##LE. :Marc'es down and 'en u*;

STAND OLD I4., STAND FIRM AND STRON7) :FI-C% sands o 'e L0, wac'in( 'i50;

7RAND OLD I4., HEAR THE CHEERIN7 THRON7) :FI-C% crosses o BI##LE.0; BI##LE. A- FI-C%

STAND OLD I4. AND NE4ER .IELD) RRR RI2/ RRR RI2/ RRR RI2 THE CHI2MUNK OFF THE FIELD) ‐

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FI-C% :On 'is knees;

WHEN .OU FALL ON THE BALL, > %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BI##LE.

AND .OU9RE DOWN THERE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HEA2, FI-C%

:Crosses R0 o4 BI##LE., 'e boo5 o4 'e 'ea*, dro*s o 'is knees0;

DOWN AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HEA2, BI##LE.

WHERE THE MUD IS, OH, SO 4ER., 4ER. DEE2, HEA2, FI-C% :Rises0;

DOWN IN THE CRUDD., MUDD. DEE2, BI##LE.

DON9T FOR7ET, BO., BOT%

THAT9S WH. THE. CALL US, THE. CALL US 7RRROUNDHO7/ 7RRROUNDHO7/ :BOT% cross L0; FI-C% BI##LE.

STAND 7RR ROUNDHO7 OLD I4., 7RR ROUNDHO7 STAND FIRM RRR RI2, RRR RI2, AND STRON7) RRR RI2 THE CHI2MUNK/ ‐

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:BOT% cross R0;

7RAND OLD I4., 7RAND OLD I4., HEAR THE CHEERIN7 THRON7) HEAR THE CHEERIN7 THRON7) STAND 7RR ROUNDHO7/ OLD I4.3 7RR ROUNDHO7/ 7OD BLESS .OU 3 ‐

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BOT%

AND NE4ER .IELD) RRR RI2, RRR RI2, RRR RI2 THE CHI2MUNK OFF THE FIELD) ‐

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FI-C% :R0 o4 BI##LE.;

I e"8o#ed that, sir) >6 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BI##LE.

So did I, bo#) Well, I9ll !o !et those 'l$bs) :&ars o44 c'anin(0;

Ri-, ri-, ri-, the Chi-*$", o((3 :Crosses +0&0R0 ino eecui3e suie0 FI-C% (oes back o 'is desk, reac'es ino 'is aac' case, *u""s ou a 4air"y "ar(e 'unk o4 kniin(, sis on 'e desk0, osses 'e ba"" o4 woo" +0&0 and be(ins o kni0 BI##LE. reeners R0, so*s and "ooks a 'e kniin(

wi' 4ascinaion0 Crosses L0 o FI-C%0;

What9s that #o$9re doi"!: FI-C% :Eyes c"osed;

T&e"t# Si+ t&e"t# se%e", t&e"t# ei!ht, t&e"t# "i"e) I9* sorr#, I 8$st &a"ted to (i"ish this ro&) I !$ess this loos sill#, sir) B$t I9%e al&a#s (o$"d that "itti"! hel-s *e thi" *ore 'learl#) ‐

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BI##LE.

Well, I9ll be da*"ed) :1us 'e c"ubs down a(ains desk, crosses L0 be"ow FI-C%, "ooks around o 5ake sure 'ey are a"one0 Con4idenia""y o FI-C%0;

I "it, too) :&is in c'air o4 4irs desk0; FI-C%

Reall#/ :Rises0; BI##LE.

.e-) It9s !ood (or *# "er%es) Bee" doi"! it (or #ears) Nobod# "o&s b$t *# se'retar#, Miss 0o"es) .o$ "o& her) FI-C% :Care4u""y;

.es, I9%e *et her) BI##LE. :&udden"y *oinin( o kniin(;

What9s this !oi"! to be: FI-C%

Oh, I tho$!ht I9d *ae a :%e 'o"ds u* kniin( on 3arious *osiions0;

))) a bird'a!e 'o%er) :1us kniin( on desk0; >8 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BI##LE.

Bird'a!e 'o%er) I "e%er *ade o"e o( those) :Rises0;

B$t ho& do #o$ lie this: :Indicaes sweaer 'eDs wearin(0; FI-C%

Oh, that9s bea$ti($l, sir) BI##LE.

I *ade the 'o%ers (or those !ol( 'l$bs) See: 2o-'or" stit'h) FI-C% :Takes ou c"ub, 'ands i o BI##LE.0 BI##LE. sis;

.o$ "o&, Mr) BI77LE., I (eel i"d o( sorr# (or *e" &ho do"9t "it) The# lead e*-t# li%es) BI##LE.

I lie the &a# #o$ thi"'h, Fi") FI-C%

6Thi", Fi"'h,6 sir) BI##LE.

Thi", Fi"'h #es) Tell *e, &hat are #o$ headi"! (or aro$"d here: What9s #o$r a*bitio" i" this o$t(it: Bri!ht (ello& lie #o$ *$st ha%e it all -la""ed o$t) ‐

FI-C% :Crosses R,;

Well, Mr) Bi!!le#, i( I9* e%er (ort$"ate e"o$!h to rea'h a -ositio" &here I ha%e a 'hoi'e, I9d lie to be &here the# do so*ethi"! real ))) :Crosses back0;

))) so*ethi"! a *a" 'a" !et his teeth i"to ))) solid do&" to earth the ad%ertisi"! de-art*e"t) ‐

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BI##LE. :Rises, crosses 0&0 FI-C% crosses down wi' 'i5;

Ad%ertisi"!/ So", I &o$ld"9t &a"t that (or a" old s'hool*ate o( *i"e) It9s too to$!h too i"se'$re) Wh#, this -la'e has had (i(tee" "e& ad%ertisi"! *a"a!ers i" the -ast #ear alo"e) The -oor de%ils disa--ear at the rate o( abo$t o"e a *o"th) FI-C%

Wh# is that: BI##LE.

I (ire the*) FI-C%

B$t i( #o$ !ot a *a" &ith ideas, he 'o$ld s&i"! it) >9 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BI##LE. :Cone5*uous"y;

Ideas/ That9s &hat I loo (or) I ee- hiri"! *e" &ho are s$--osed to ha%e brillia"t ideas a"d "ot o"e o( the* &ill e%er do &hat I tell hi*) No, so", #o$ sti' to &hat #o$9re doi"!) .o$9ll do all ri!ht there) Da*"ed !ood de-art*e"t) B# the &a#, &here are #o$:

FI-C%

2la"s a"d S#ste*s) Mr) Cat'h9s de-art*e"t) BI##LE.

7ood *a", Cat'h) K"o&s &hat he9s doi"!) .o$ sta# &ith hi*) A"d I9ll ee- *# e#e o" #o$, too) :FI-C% crosses +0 o desk, (es (o"4 c"ubs0 BI##LE. crosses R0 FI-C% crosses 0L0 o4 BI##LE., 'ands 'i5 'e (o"4 c"ubs0; FI-C%

Here #o$ are, sir) Ha%e a &o"der($l da#) I9%e !ot to !et this do"e be(ore *id"i!ht) :&ars 4or desk0; BI##LE.

Mid"i!ht) :FI-C% so*s0;

That9s the 7ro$"dho! s-irit) :Two &CR+BWOME- ener 4ro5 eecui3e suie, sand "isenin( a o* o4 riser0; G 69 7 #rand O"d I3y :Re*rise; :Bi(("ey, Finc'; FI-C% ! BI##LE.

7RR ROUNDHO7/ CRR ROUNDHO7/ STAND OLD I4., STAND FIRM AND STRON7) RRR RI2, RRR RI2, RRR RI2 THE CHI2MUNK OFF THE FIELD) ‐

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:T'ey (o i &CR+BWOME- co5e down sairs, sur3ey 'e 5ess; FIR&T &CR+BWOMA-

Bea$ti($l/ &ECO- &CR+BWOMA-

What &as that: FIR&T &CR+BWOMA-

A 'olle!e so"!, &ECO- &CR+BWOMA-

What 'olle!e: >< %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FIR&T &CR+BWOMA:1ickin( u* kniin( o44 desk;

I9d sa# 4assar) G 69a 7 Vassar :Orc'esra; &cene  :FI-C%Ds FIR&T OFFICE0 A s5a"" desk wi' wo c'airs is se in 4ron o4 an air 3en sa(e R0 In 'e b"ack, we 'ear BI##LE.D& VOICE0; BI##LE.D& VOICE

Hello, Bratt: This is 0)B) Sa#, &hat are &e r$""i"! aro$"d here, a s&eatsho-: We9re

&ori"! that bo# too hard) Who: Fi"'h/ F I N C H ))) The -oor de%il &ored here all &eee"d) I o$!ht to "o&) I &as there &ith hi*, &ori"! side b# side) The lad "eeds hel-) Well, (irst o( all, I &a"t hi* to ha%e a" o((i'e o( his o&" ))) deser%es the best #o$ ha%e a%ailable) Oh, "othi"! (a"'#do"9t &a"t hi* !etti"! ideas) ‐

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:W'en 'e LI#%T& co5e u*, FI-C% is wa"kin( around dusin( and srai('nin( 'in(s0 RO&EMAR. eners 4ro5 R0; RO&EMAR.

Hello, 2o"t#) FI-C%

Rose*ar#, 'o*e o" i") Ho& do #o$ lie it: :Crosses R0 abo3e desk0; RO&EMAR. :Looks around, crosses L0 be"ow desk0;

.o$r (irst o((i'e) It9s bea$ti($l) :&is0; FI-C%

It9s "ot bad, 'o"sideri"!) I did &a"t *# "a*e o" the door, b$t I de'ided "ot to ash be'a$se there9s "o door) RO&EMAR.

It9s bea$ti($l) I 'a" o"l# sta# a *i"$te) I 8$st &a"ted to tell #o$ that I had a !ood ti*e the other "i!ht) FI-C% :&is;

Me, too) I e"8o#ed the 'o"%ersatio") It &as %er# ))) Well, i !$ess I taled all the ti*e) RO&EMAR.

I lied it) B$t 8$st o"e thi"!, 2o"t#) ‐

>= %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :RO&EMAR.; :Rises, crosses 0;

))) Abo$t &hat ha--e"ed later) I *ea", &he" &e said !ood "i!ht) :FI-C% rises, crosses R0 o4 desk0;

It &as o$r (irst date a"d I do"9t &a"t) #o$ to !et a) &ro"! i*-ressio" o( *e, b$t ))) &ell, I !$ess it9s "at$ral (or a (ello& to tr# to !et a little (resh &ith a !irl a"d *ae a -ass at her, b$t #o$ did"9t do a"#thi"!/ FI-C%

I had to !et $- earl#) :%E. eners R0 RO&EMAR. "ooks R0 *as FI-C%0 FI-C%, rea"iin( so5eone 'as enered, urns I and is s'ocked a 'e si(' o4 %E. LAR+E0;

Sir: ))) Miss: %E.

I9* Miss LaR$e, ho"e#) FI-C%

What 'a" I do (or #o$, Miss LaR$e: %E.

A se'retar# &as ordered to be assi!"ed to #o$) I9* #o$r assi!"atio") RO&EMAR. :Con4idenia""y o FI-C%;

.o$ did"9t tell *e #o$ &ere !etti"! a se'retar#) FI-C% :Crosses L0 o RO&EMAR.;

I 8$st (o$"d o$t *#sel() RO&EMAR.

Well, ha--# di'tatio", 2o"t#) :&'e (oes R0 be"ow %E.0; %E.

9B#e) :RO&EMAR. eis0 FI-C% srai('ens 'is acke, bows, rea"ies 'aDs 'e wron( 'in( o do, "owers 'is 3oice0; FI-C%

No&, "o& &o"9t #o$ sit do&", Miss LaR$e: ;Crosses R) abo%e des)< %E.

Tha" #o$) :&'e crosses L0, sis, crosses 'er "e(s, re3ea"in( a (rea dea" o4 sa5e0; >> %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C% :A4er sarin( a 'er4or a 5o5en;

No&, Miss LaR$e ))) %E.

Oh, 8$st 'all *e Hed#) FI-C%

Well ))) I ))) I ))) thi" that -erha-s i" a b$si"ess relatio"shi-) %E.

.o$9re '$te) FI-C%

E+'$se *e a *o*e"t) :%e *icks u* 'is book, wa"ks o corner o4 'is o44ice 0R0 and reads0; BOOK VOICE

Choosi"! a se'retar# 'a" be (ra$!ht &ith -eril) Tae a !ood loo at the .o$"! lad# &ho has bee" assi!"ed to #o$) :BOOK VOICE so*s0 FI-C% "ooks a %E., w'o is 4iin( 'er sockin(0 FI-C% be(ins o read a(ain0 BOOK VOICE resu5es0;

I( she is so attra'ti%e that #o$ (eel thi"!s are too !ood to be tr$e, be %er# 'are($l) It *a# be that o"e o( the bi! *e" i" the 'o*-a"# is I"terested I" Her Career) There is a si*-le test (or this) Che' o" her se'retarial sill) The s*aller her abilities, the bi!!er her 2rote'tor) ‐

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:FI-C% c"oses book, (oes o desk0; FI-C%

Miss LaR$e, let9s tr# so*e di'tatio") Tae a letter) %E. :F"i*s o*en seno *ad;

Shoot/ FI-C% :Crosses L0 o4 %E., s*eaks s"ow"y;

This is to Mr) Cat'h))) ) Dear Mr)) Cat'h :Crosses R &"ow"y0;

2$rs$a"t to o$r ))) dis'$ssio" o( %E.

Wait a *i"$te :FI-C% &o*s0;

.o$ (r#i"! to 'at'h a trab: >? %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C% :Crosses L0 o4 desk;

What are #o$ tai"! this do&" i": %E.

Lo"!ha"d) It9s sa(er) I *ae $- (or it &he" 8 t#-e) FI-C%

Oh, #o$ t#-e (ast: %E.

Lie a 8a'rabbit) T&el%e &ords a *i"$te) FI-C% :&is;

Uh ))) b# the &a#, Miss LaR$e) Hed# ))) &hat &as #o$r last -ositio"):

%E. :A4er a bea;

I &as i" the toba''o b$si"ess) B$t the" Mr) Bi!!le# ))) FI-C% :&"a5s desk;

Mr) Bi!!le# ))) :Reacs, urns 4ron0; %E.

He !ot *e i"terested i" &i'ets, so I *atri'$lated *#sel( i"to b$si"ess s'hool, a"d, &ell, here I a*) FI-C%

.es, #o$ are, are"9t #o$: :Looks a book0; %E.

7o ahead, di'tate so*e *ore) I9* !oi"! to lie this 8a11) FI-C% :C"oses book;

Hed#, let that letter &ait (or a *o*e"t) :%ands 'er a 4o"der0;

2lease tae this i" to Mr) 7at'h) %E. :Rises;

Mr) Cat'h) > %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C%

Oh h$h) He9s *# boss) Mae s$re #o$ !i%e it to Mr) Cat'h hi*sel() :&'e sars o44 L0;

Hed# :&'e so*s0;

))) -erso"all#) %E.

Oa#, Charlie) :&'e eis L0; G 6< 7 %edy@s Wa"k :Orc'esra; &cene 6 :1LA-& A- &.&TEM& OFFICE0 LI#%T u* on #ATC% seaed a 'is desk0 T'ere is ano'er c'air a 'e R0 be'ind w'ic' MI&& KRLIM%OLT2 is sandin(0 oor o 'e o44ice is 0 1'one rin(s0 MI&& KR+M%OLT2 *icks u* *'one0; MI&& KR+M%OLT2

:R0 o4 CATC%;

Hello, Mr) Cat'h9s o((i'e) O"e *o*e"t, -lease) :Turns o CATC%0;

Mr) Cat'h, Mr) Fi"'h9s se'retar# is o$tside a"d she9d lie to see #o$ -erso"all#) CATC% :1u"ed;

Ha%e her 'o*e i") MI&& KR+M%OLT2 :%an(s u*;

I9ll !et her) :&'e (oes C0 %E. eners, *oses in doorway0; %E. :CATC% u5*s o 'is 4ee;

Mr) Cat'h: :Crosses L0 o desk0; CATC% :&ar"ed;

.es): > %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// %E.

I9* Mr) Fi"'h9s se'retar#) He ased *e to !i%e #o$ this) :&'e dro*s4o"der on 'e desk0, sars o440 %er w'o"e 5anner is 3ery seduci3e0 CATC% 4o""ows, so*s 'er0; CATC%

Sa#, &hat are #o$ doi"! to"i!ht: %E.

I9%e !ot a date &ith *# !e"tle*a" (rie"d) CATC% :#rabs %E.;

Oh, 'o*e o") .o$9re i" the bi! ti*e "o&) Do"9t (ool aro$"d &ith s*all (r#) G 6
Hello, Mr) Fi"'h9s o((i'e) O"e *o*e"t) :%ands 'i5 *'one0;

It9s (or #o$) 2rod$'tio") :&'e (oes +0 C0;

FI-C% :Ino *'one;

Hello, Fi"'h s-eai"!) Oh, #es) :Rises0;

I9* r$""i"! 2la"s a"d S#ste*s "o&) H$h: Mr) Cat'h: Oh, he9s bee" tra"s(erred to o"e o( o$r o$t o( to&" o((i'es ))) 4e"e1$ela) G 6
Sa#, 0e"i"s I &as 8$st !oi"!s to 'all #o$) We9re !etti"! a "e& %i'e -reside"t i" 'har!e o( ad%ertisi"!) JE-KI-&

A"other o"e: Who is it this ti*e: BRATT

A (ello& b# the "a*e o( O%i"!to") Be"8a*i" B$rto" Da"iel O%i"!to") JE-KI-& :T'inkin(;

B)B)D)O) BRATT

I9ll bet that9s &h# Bi!!le# hired hi*) A"#&a#, &e9re !i%i"! hi* a re'e-tio" to"i!ht) TACKABERR. :R0 o4 BRATT;

I" the E+e'$ti%e Cl$b o" the roo() JE-KI-&

I &o"der ho& lo"! this !$#9ll last: BRATT

I do"9t "o&, b$t &e9re !i%i"! hi* the ($ll treat*e"t) .o$ 'a" as #o$r se'retar# to 'o*e) We9re i"%iti"! so*e o( the e+e'$ti%e se'retaries to a't as hostesses) JE-KI-&

Oa#, Bratt) :JE-KI-& (oes R0 BRATT and TACKABERR. (o L0; BRATT

B)B)D)O) :T'ey ei L0 RO&EMAR. eners R0 &MITT. and #IRL co5e on 4ro5 L0; &MITT. :&o**in( RO&EMAR. L0 o4 C0 #IRL eis R0;

Rose*ar#, I had l$"'h &itho$t #o$) Where ha%e #o$ bee": RO&EMAR.

S*itt#, I9%e bee" *ade se'retar# to the "e& ad%ertisi"! *a"a!er) &MITT.

Oh !ood) What9s he lie: RO&EMAR.

Oh, I do"9t 'are abo$t hi*, b$t this *ea"s that I9* i"%ited to the re'e-tio" this e%e"i"!, a"d 2o"t# &ill be there, too) S*itt#, I9%e bee" drea*i"! o( a 'ha"'e lie this) 2o"t# has "e%er see" *e all dressed $- ) ) ) .o$ "o&, !la*oro$s) ?6 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :RO&EMAR.; :%o"ds u* bo0;

Do #o$ "o& &hat this is: &MITT.

.o$r l$"'h: RO&EMAR.

S*itt#, this is the a"s&er to i&& to s$''eed &ith Fi"'h) A "e& dress) It9s 8$st bea$ti($l) &MITT.

I ho-e it &ors) 7ood l$', Rose*ar#) :T'ey e5brace0 &'e sars R0; RO&EMAR.

Tha"s, S*itt#) &MITT. :R0 o4 C0;

.o$ "o&, I thi" *a#be I9ll !et a "e& dress (or to"i!ht, too) RO&EMAR.

7ood idea) I ho-e #o$9re %er# -o-$lar at the -art#, S*itt#) &MITT.

Ma#be I &ill be, at that) I9* thi"i"! o( starti"! a se'ret r$*or that I9* a "#*-ho*a"ia') :&'e eis R0 RO&EMAR. "ooks a4er 'er 'en "ooks a 'e bo, 'u(s i and sin(s0; G 6= 7 1aris Ori(ina :Rose5ary, &5iy, Miss Jones, #ir"s; RO&EMAR. :%o"ds u* dress bo;

I SLI22ED OUT THIS AFTERNOON AND BOU7HT SOME LO4E INSURANCE, :%u(s dress bo0;

A MOST E5CLUSI4E DRESS FROM 7A. 2AREE) IT9S SLEEK AND CHIC AND MA7NIFIUE,

WITH SE5 BE.OND ENDURANCE) IT9S ME/ IT9S ME/ IT9S ABSOLUTEL. ME/ AND WH.: ONE 7U./ :%o"ds dress bo ou0;

THIS IRRESISTIBLE 2ARIS ORI7INAL I9M WEARIN7 TONI7HT> I9M WEARIN7 TONI7HT 9S2ECIALL. FOR HIM) ?8 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :RO&EMAR.; :Crosses I crosses back L0 o C0;

THIS IRRESISTIBLE 2ARIS ORI7INAL9S ALL 2AID FOR AND MINE) I MUST LOOK DI4INE 9S2ECIALL. FOR HIM) :Kisses 'e bo0 Crosses L0 sru55in( dress bo "ike (uiar0;

SUDDENL. HE WILL SEE ME, AND SUDDENL. HE9LL 7O DREAM., AND BLAME IT ALL ON HIS OWN MASCULINE WHIM) NE4ER KNOWIN7 THAT 3 THIS IRRESISTIBLE 2ARIS ORI7INAL, SO TEM2TIN7L. TI7HT, I9M WEARIN7 TONI7HT 9S2ECIALL. FOR HIM :&ars o44 L0;

FOR HIM FOR HIM) :&'e eis L0; &cene 68 :T%E ROOF T'e M+&IC coninues as we o*en on a *rey errace a cockai" i5e0 T'ere are ab"es wi' bi( u5bre""as and assored errace 4urniure0 T'e *ary 'asnD sared ye0 RO&EMAR. eners i55ediae"y +0L0 4ro5 sair uni0 &'e 'as c'an(ed in o 'er new dress0 &'e is now wearin( 'er 1aris ori(ina"0 &'e crosses 0 C0 and coninues sin(in(0; :RO&EMAR.;

FOR HIM, FOR HIM) THIS IRRESISTIBLE 2ARIS ORI7INAL I9M WEARIN7 TONI7HT :Firs #ir" Eners R0 Wearin( &a5e ress0;

SHE9S WEARIN7 TONI7HT A- I CO+L &1IT :BOT% "ook a eac' o'er0;

SOME IRRES2ONSIBLE DRESS MANUFACTURER :#IRL crosses L0 o4 RO&EMAR.0;

0UST DIDN9T 2LA. FAIR) :Looks a (ir"0;

I9M ONE OF A 2AIR ?9 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// RO&EMAR. A- #IRL

AND I COULD :MI&& KR+M%OLT2 eners L0 wearin( sa5e dress0;

OH, NO/ :Crosses R0; MI&& KR+M%OLT2

THIS IRRESISTIBLE 2ARIS ORI7INAL, ALL SLINK. WITH SIN ))) ;A-OT%ER #IRL eners R0 wearin( sa5e dress, "eans a(ains *ora"0; ALREAD. SLUNK IN :#IRL eis, R0;

AND I COULD DIE) :MI&& KR+M%OLT2 urns, crosses +0c0 sees RO&EMAR. and FIR&T #IRL0; RO&EMAR. A- #IRL

AND I COULD KILL HER) ALL T%REE

AND I COULD

‐

:&MITT. eners R0 wearin( sa5e dress0; &MITT.

THIS IRRESISTIBLE 2ARIS ORI7INAL, TRS SE5., NEST CE 2AS: ‐

:Looks +0C0, sees T%REE #IRL&0;

7ODDAMMIT 4OILA/ ‐

ALL FO+R

AND I COULD S2IT/ :More #IRL& ener 4ro5 a"" sides dressed a"ike0 ALL #IRL& co3er 'eir eyes and cross 0 o 4ron o4 sa(e, "ook R0 MI&& JO-E& eners R0 wearin( sa5e dress0; MI&& JO-E&

7irls/ ALL

OH/ THIRT. NINE BUCKS I HAND OUT ‐

FOR SOMETHIN7 TO MAKE ME STAND OUT, AND SUDDENL. I94E 7ONE INTO MIMEO7RA2H))) MI&& JO-E&

SOME LAU7H/ ?< %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :ALL "ine u* across sa(e0; ALL

THIS IRRESISTIBLE 2ARIS ORI7INAL, THIS MASS 2RODUCED CRIME, I9M WEARIN7 TONI7HT FOR THE 4ER. LAST TIME/ ‐

:A4er nu5ber, #IRL& 5i"" around sa(e R0 ME- ener 4ro5 +0L0, "ookin( around con4used as 'ey see a"" 'e (ir"s dressed a"ike0 %E. eners 0 L, *oses b y *ora"0 &'e is wearin( 'e sa5e dress0 ME- cross L0 o 'er and w'is"e0; ME-

What a dress/ #IRL& :In dis(us;

Oh/ :T'ey dri4 +0&0 B+ eners 4ro5, L0, so*s b y %E.0; B+

Hed#, &ill #o$ ha%e a dri": %E. :i(ni4ied;

I "e%er to$'h a"#thi"! al'oholi' be(ore (i%e -)*) B+

;Looi"! at his &at'h< It9s te" a(ter (i%e) :ME- cross away0; %E.

Whi'h &a# is the boo1e: B+

Ri!ht o%er here) :Two WAITER& *us' a roi"in( bar on L0 be"ow sair uni0; %E.

I9ll ha%e a do$ble Marti"i) :&'e and B+ (o o bar +0L0 RO&EMAR. sars o44 R0 FI-C% eners 4ro5 0R0, Crosses o RO&EMAR., so**in( 'er0 BI##LE. eners 4ro5 +0L0 4ro5 sairway wi' OVI-#TO-, BRATT

and TACKABERR.; ?= %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BI##LE. :On sair uni;

Here he is, bo#s a"d !irls) :Crosses 0C0 T'ey surround OVI-#TO- s'ake 'ands, ec0 OVI-#TO- crosses 0R0 o4 BI##LE. BRATT crosses o 'is L0, 4o""owed by TACKABERR.;

.o$ "o& o$r ad%ertisi"! de-art*e"t has bee" i" tro$ble (or a lo"! ti*e) B$t I thi" &e "o& ha%e a (ello& &ho is !oi"! to hel- -$t World Wide Wi'ets ba' o" to-) Mr) Be"8a*i" B$rto" Da"iel O%i"!to") :ALL a**"aud0; OVI-#TO-

;R) o( BI77LE.< Tha"s, bo#s a"d !irls) I 8$st &a"t to sa# that I9* -ro$d to be 8oi"i"! the World Wide Wi'et (a*il#) I do"9t "o& %er# *$'h abo$t &i'ets, b$t I do "o& abo$t ad%ertisi"!) M# theor# o( ad%ertisi"! 'a" be s$**ed $- i" o"e se"te"'e? 6Sho%e it do&" their throats &ith a so(t sell)6 BI##LE.

7ood so$"d thi"i"!) OVI-#TO-

A"d I9d lie to sa# that %E. :Crosses 0L0 4ro5 bar0 B+ 4o""ows;

Be"8a*i" B$rto" Da"iel O%i"!to") What the hell i"d o( "a*e is that: :BI##LE. w'is*ers so5e'in( o BRATT0 BRATT crosses L0 o %E.; OVI-#TO-

B$t I9d lie to sa# that ))) :BI##LE. so*s 'i50; BRATT

Sa#, B$d %E. :To BRATT;

.o$ 'all this a do$ble Marti"i: There9s o"l# o"e oli%e i" it) OVI-#TO-

I9d lie to sa# :BI##LE. so*s 'i50; BRATT

B$d, 0)B) sa#s (or #o$ to tae Miss LaR$e ho*e) She does"9t see" to he (eeli"! &ell) %E.

I9* (eeli"! (i"e/ ?> %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// G 6> 7 T'e Co5*any Way :A "a ance Band; :Orc'esra; B+

.o$ (eel terrible) :As 'e sars o ake 'er o44, %E. *u""s 4ree crosses R0 o FI-C%0; %E.

He#, Fi"'h#, let9s da"'e) OVI-#TO-

A"d d lie to sa# :BI##LE. so*s 'i5 a(ain0; FI-C% :#rabbin( RO&EMAR.;

I9* alread# da"'i"!, &ith Rose*ar#) :%e and RO&EMAR. do a 4ew se*s0; BI##LE.

E%er#bod#) da"'e/ :Turns, akes MI&& JO-E& o 'is L0, be(ins o dance0; OVI-CTO-

F$rther*ore, I9d lie to ))) :#IRL (rabs 'i5 and 'ey sar dancin(0 #RO+1 sars o dance0 B+ ries o ake %E. away a(ain0 &'e kicks 'i50; B+

O$'h/ :%E. disa**ears ino (rou* dancin(, wi' B+ 4o""owin(0;

Co*e o", Hed#) No !a*es) :%e co5es ou o4 crowd, dra((in( &MITT. by 'e 'and, crossin( 0L0;

Co*e o" Hed#, 0)B) &a"ts *e to tae #o$ ))) &MITT.

B$d, #o$ *$st ha%e heard the r$*or/ :B+ sees 'e 'as 'e wron( (ir", (roans, di3es back ino dancin( (rou*, ca""in( a4er %E.0; G 6>a 7 T'e Eecui3e Landin( :Orc'esra; &cene 69 :ELEVATOR LA-I-#0 &a(e R0 e"e3aor door o*ens0 B+ and %E. conic ou0 oor c"oses be'ind 'e50; ?? %OW

TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// %E.

Wo&/ That ele%ator *ade *e di11#) B+

Co*e o" Hed#) :T'ey bo' sar crossin( L0; %E.

What I "eed is a sho&er) B+

0)B) &a"ts *e to tae #o$ ho*e) :Tries o ake 'er sa(e R0; %E. :Resisin(, crossin( L0 wi' 'i5;

No) I9* !oi"! to 0)B)9s o((i'e) He has a -ri%ate sho&er) I9ll tae a sho&er a"d the" 'o*e ba' to the -art#) :&ars dance se*0; B+

Oa#, Hed#, ha%e a "i'e sho&er) %E.

Tha"s, B$d) :1inc'es 'is c'eck0;

.o$ "o&, #o$9re '$te) Not as '$te as Fi"'h, b$t #o$9re '$te) :&'e eis L0; B+

Not as '$te as Fi"'h/ :%e sands 'ere 'inkin(4or a 5o5en0 Man eners 4ro5 R0, crosses o sa(e R0 e"e3aor door, 1us'es u* buon0 B+ crosses R0 o 5an0; G 6? 7 E"e3aor ance :Orc'esra; :B+;

7oi"! $- to the -art#, 2ete: MA-

.eah) B+

Will #o$ tell Mr) Fi"'h I &a"t to see hi* do&" here) :E"e3aor door o*ens0;

Tell hi* it9s i*-orta"t) MA-

Oa#) ? %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// ///////////////////////////////////////

:E"e3aor door c"oses0 B+, "e4 a"one, now sars a dance0; B+ :%u55in(;

De 'ia da d$*, la da de de Old se+# Hed# is i" there, tai"! a sho&er ))) :ances0;

A"d I9%e !ot a little so*ethi"! $- *# slee%e ) ))) Ole9/ :ances0;

That9s !oi"! to -$t little old Fi"'h# ri!ht o$t o" his :Kicks 4"oor wi' 'ee"0 ance is inerru*ed by e"e3aor sa(e R0 door o*enin( FI-C% co5es ou0;

Oh, hello), Fi"'h) FI-C%

What9s this all abo$t, B$d: :Crosses L0 o B+0; B+

0)B) &a"ts #o$ to !o to his o((i'e) He9ll *eet #o$ there) FI-C% :1u"ed;

B$t I 8$st sa& hi*) He did"9t sa# a"#thi"!) B+

I !$ess he did"9t &a"t to sa# a"#thi"! i" (ro"t o( O%i"!to") .o$ "o& ho& it !oes aro$"d here &ith ad%ertisi"! *a"a!ers) FI-C% :Crosses L0 be"ow B+;

Do #o$ thi" #o$r $"'le is 'o"sideri"! ))) B+

I do"9t "o& a"#thi"!) I o"l# "o& I &as told to tell #o$ to !o to his o((i'e) FI-C%

Well, I9%e "e%er see" his o((i'e, a"#&a#) Tha"s, B$d) :%e (oes L0; B+

.o$9re &el'o*e No& to !et *# $"'le) :B+ (oes ino rouine consisin( o4 'e 4o""owin( As 'e crosses, 'e sin(s0;

7ood b#e, Fi"'h# Hello, U"'le 0as-er ‐

‐

:%e breaks ino a wi"d sa5ba and "ea*s O0&0R;

Ole9/ ? %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// G 6?a 7 E'erea" #randeur :Orc'esra;

&cene 6< :J0B0 BI##LE.Ds OFFICE0 A 3ery, beaui4u", "us' o44ice0 Two su5s on ei'er side o4 'e "ar(e cener window0 esk and bi( 'i('backed c'air C0 T'ere is a"so a s5a"" aneroo5 0L0 wi' a secrearyDs desk 3isib"e o 'e audience0 T'ere is a door *ane o ener BI##LE.D& o44ice L0 abo3e secrearyDs desk0 In 'e 5ain o44ice 'ere is a door +0R0 "eadin( o 'e *ri3ae ba' and s'ower On rise no one is on sa(e0 FI-C% eners 0L0, eners 'rou(' aneroo5 door, wa"ks ino BI##LE.D o44ice0 %e 'as ne3er been in 'ere be4ore and 'is aiude s'ows i0 %e "ooks around in ad5iraion and awe0 Crosses abo3e desk R0 Fee"s 'e so4a, ouc'es 'e ("ass on 'e window C0, s"ides 'is 'and o3er 'e o* o4 'e c'air, swin(s c'air around o 4ace audience0 T'is is w'a 'e wou"d "ike o 'a3e 'i5se"4 so5eday0 %e sis in c'air0; FI-C% :Addressin( 'e wor"d a "ar(e;

So*eda#, so*eda# ))) :Ba'roo5 door +0R0 o*ens s"ow"y0 %E. a**ears0 FI-C% doesnD see 'er0 %e is siin( in 'e c'air and "os in 'is drea5s0 %E. sneaks abo3e desk o L0 side o4 'e c'air, *us 'er 'ands o3er 'is eyes0; %E.

7$ess &ho: FI-C% :Fee"s be'ind 'i5;

Mr) Bi!!le#: %E. :ro**in( 'er 'ands;

No, it9s *e/ FI-C% :Rises, urns, "ooks sar"ed;

Oh, hi, Hed#) I &as s$--osed to *eet Mr) Bi!!le# here) %E.

Mr) Bi!!le#: He9s "ot 'o*i"!) So*ebod# !a%e #o$ a b$r" steer) FI-C%

I sho$ld ha%e "o&" it &as a rib) Well, I9d better :&ars 4or door L0, bu %E. crosses 0 beween 'i5 and 'e door0; %E.

What9s #o$r h$rr#:  %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// ///////////////////////////////////////

FI-C%

I thi" Id better ba' to the -art#) %E.

It9s *ore ($" do&" here) FI-C%

Well, I thi" I9d better) %E.

.o$9re a"+io$s to !et ba' to that Rose*ar#, h$h: Are #o$ st$' o" her: FI-C% :Crosses o C0;

Rose*ar#: Oh, she a"d I are 8$st !ood (rie"ds) %E. :Crosses I o 'i5;

That9s %er# se"sible) A" $- a"d 'o*i"! #o$"! 'ha- lie #o$ sho$ld"9t be tied do&") I9%e bee" &at'hi"! #o$, b$ster) ‐

‐

:&'e s5acks 'i5 in 'e so5ac'0;

.o$9re !oi"! -la'es) :Crosses L0 wo se*s0; FI-C%

4e"e1$ela) Loo, Hed# ))) %E.

Wo$ld"9t 0)B) die i( he &aled i" a"d (o$"d #o$ issi"! *e: FI-C%

Fra"l#, I9d rather he did"9t) %E.

Co*e o", let9s tr# it) FI-C%

Uh $h) %E.

.o$9d better, Fi"'h I( #o$ do"9t iss *e, I9ll tell 0)B) #o$ did) FI-C%

Oa#) 0$st O"'e) :FI-C% sis in c'air C %Wy sis in 'is "a*, kisses 'i50 A4er kiss, 'ar* ("issando is 1"ayed0 FI-C% 'en ries o rise bu co""a*ses 4ro5 a4er5a' o4 kiss0 Rose5ary) 'e5e is 4"ow 'eard 1"ayed by Tru5*e0; 6 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// G 6 7 Rose5ary :Finc', Rose5ary; FI-C% :%a"4 sin(in(;

ROSEMAR./

:Rises0; %E.

H$h: :Orc'esra Tru5*e *"ays C Maor 'e5e0; FI-C% :Crosses R0;

Ca"9t #o$ hear it: :%a"4sin(in(0;

ROSEMAR./ %E.

Rose*ar#: FI-C%

That iss %E.

What abo$t that iss: FI-C%

Rose*ar#/ %E.

It is hi!hl# i"s$lti"! to thi" o( t&o broads i" the *iddle o( o"e iss) FI-C%

I9* sorr#, Hed#, b$t so*ethi"! ha--e"ed to *e) I 'a"9t e+-lai" ))) %E. :1oins a 'i5;

Fi"'h) .o$ are i" lo%e) :Loud crescendo o4 RO&EMAR. 'e5e0; FI-C% :Takes 4ron, sunned;

That9s ri!ht/ Fi"'h is i" lo%e/ It9s lie *$si' all aro$"d *e) Lie a s#*-ho"#) I *$st ha%e bee" i" lo%e e%er si"'e she too *# -arti'$lars) %E. :Crosses R0 o 'i5;

A"d #o$ (o$"d this o$t b# issi"! *e: 8 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C%

.es, Hed#) %E.

I do"9t "o& *# o&" stre"!th) :&'e (oes +0R0 ino ba'roo50 FI-C% raises 'is ar5s, abou o conduc in3isab"e orc'esra0 %e indicaes downbea0; FI-C%

SUDDENL. THERE IS MUSIC IN THE SOUND OF .OUR NAME ))) :Looks around0;

ROSEMAR. :Crosses R0;

ROSEMAR. :Crosses 0R0;

WAS THE MELOD. LOCKED INSIDE ME, TILL AT LAST OUT IT CAME3 ROSEMAR./ :Crosses 0L0;

ROSEMAR., :Crosses o C0;

0UST IMA7INE IF WE KISSED, WHAT A CRESCENDO :Raises 'is 'and 'i(', c"oses eyes, s"ow"y dro*s 'and 0;

NOT TO BE MISSED) :Crosses i;

AS FOR THE REST OF M. LIFETIME 2RO7RAM, 7I4E ME MORE OF THE SAME :Fa""s and ro""s on 4"oor0;

ROSEMAR.) ROSEMAR., THERE IS WONDERFUL MUSIC IN THE 4ER. SOUND OF .OUR NAME) :&ays on 4"oor 0R0; RO&EMAR. :Eners L0 'rou(' aneroo5 and crosses R0 o ed(e o4 desk;

2o"t#, I heard B$d Fr$*- tali"! at the -art#) Where is she: 9 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C% :Rises, crosses L0 o 'er;

Rose*ar#, so*ethi"! &o"der($l has ha--e"ed) RO&EMAR.

What are #o$ tali"! abo$t: FI-C%

Ca"9t #o$ hear it: Ca"9t #o$ hear it: :&in(s;

SUDDENL. THERE IS MUSIC IN THE SOUND OF .OUR NAME ))) RO&EMAR.

I 'a"9t hear a thi"!)

FI-C%

ROSEMAR. ))) :&*oken;

0$st liste") It9s all aro$"d *e, lie a bea$ti($l -i" s# ))) RO&EMAR. :Crosses I o 'i5;

No& loo here, 0) 2ierre-o"t Fi"'h, ha%e #o$ lost #o$r *i"d: FI-C%

Rose*ar#, darli"!, &ill #o$ *arr# 0) 2ierre-o"t Fi"'h: RO&EMAR.

No& I hear it/ I hear it/ :Crosses L0;

I hear it/ I hear it/ :&in(s;

SUDDENL. THERE IS MUSIC IN THE SOUND OF .OUR NAME :FI-C% crosses R0;

0) 2IERRE2ONT) :T'ey bo' cross o eac' o'er C0; FI-C%

ROSEMAR., 0UST IMA7INE IF WE KISSED WHAT A CRESCENDO ))) :T'ey kiss, 'o"d i w'i"e *iano concero is *"ayed0 A end o4 concero, 'ey break kiss, re5ain 'o"din( 'ands, urn 4ron0; < %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BOT%

NOT TO BE MISSED) FI-C%

AS FOR THE REST OF M. LIFETIME 2RO7RAM 7I4E ME MORE OF THE SAME :T'ey bo' cross R0; FI-C% RO&EMAR.

ROSEMAR.) 0) 2IERRE2ONT, 0) 2IERRE2ONT) :BOT% cross L0 o4 C0;

ROSEMAR., 0) 2IERRE2ONT, BOT%

THERE IS WONDERFUL MUSIC IN THE 4ER. SOUND OF .OUR NAME) :A4er son( 'ey e5brace0; FI-C%

:R0 o4 RO&EMAR.;

Oh ho"e#, I9%e bee" so &ra--ed $- i" tr#i"! to !et ahead that I "e%er ))) :%E. reeners +0R0, wearin( no'in( bu a bi( owe"0 RO&EMAR. sees 'er bu FI-C% doesnD0 RO&EMAR. now "ooks 3ery care4u""y a FI-C% as 'e a"ks0;

))) reali1ed) It9s as tho$!h I9* seei"! #o$ (or the (irst ti*e) RO&EMAR. :Co"d"y;

A"d I9* seei"! #o$ (or the (irst ti*e) .o$ ha%e o" t&o di((ere"t i"ds o( li-sti') Mi"e :1oins o %E.;

))) a"d hers) FI-C% :Crosses R0 o %E., sar"ed;

Rose*ar#, this is %er# easil# e+-lai"ed) :Crosses L0 o be"ow c'air0;

.o$ do"9t $"dersta"d) RO&EMAR. :Crosses L0;

.es, I do) Well, do"9t let *e ee- #o$) 7o o") 7o ba' to *ai"! lo%e to her) Kiss her a!ai") Tae her ho*e (or the &eee"d) I do"9t 'are/ :&'e urns and wa"ks ou L0; = %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C% :Turns o %E.;

What &ill I do: %E.

Let9s do &hat she said) :RO&EMAR. so*s in aneroo5 as s'e sees so5e'in( o44sa(e L0; RO&EMAR.

Oh oh/ :&'e conies rus'in( back, crosses be"ow FI-C% o L0 o4 %E., addresses %E.0;

7et ba' i" there) %E.

I ha%e "othi"! to hide) RO&EMAR.

.es, #o$ ha%e, a"d ee- it hidde") :%E. (oes 'rou(' +0R0 door0 RO&EMAR. crosses 0 o FI-C%, "ooks a 'i50;

.o$ s"ae) No& iss *e) :&'e (rabs 'i50 T'ey kiss and 'o"d i0 BI##LE. and B+ ener L0 in aneroo50 B+ (oes L0,

"ookin( sais4ied 'a 'is *"an 'as been *u ino acion0 BI##LE. eners o44ice, crosses R0 o FI-C% and RO&EMAR., so*s dead as 'e sees RO&EMAR., no %E., in c"inc' wi' FI-C%0; BI##LE.

Oh I9* sorr#) I tho$!ht :T'ey se*arae and "ook a 'i50; FI-C%

Uh RO&EMAR.

Oh, it9s *# (a$lt, Mr) Bi!!le#) I i"sisted that Mr) Fi"'h sho& *e #o$r o((i'e) BI##LE. :Reco3erin(;

I see) Well, a't$all#, I 8$st 'a*e i" to &ash $-) :%e sars +0 abo3e desk4or ba' roo5 +0R0 As BI##LE. (oes abo3e desk RO&EMAR. &wi4"y beas 'i5 o i0 FI-C% crosses L0 o4 desk o wac'0; RO&EMAR. :A ba'roo5 door;

E+'$se *e) :&"a5s door0; > %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BI##LE. :Faces c"osed door in a *u"ed 5anner0 %e urns back, crosses 0 o R0 o4 FI-C%;

Fi"'h, I o&e #o$ a" a-olo!# FI-C%

.o$ do: For &hat: BI##LE.

Ne%er *i"d) Ho&e%er, I &a"t #o$ to "o& I still do "ot a--ro%e o( &hat #o$ &ere doi"! &he" I &aled i") I do "ot 'are (or a"#thi"! lie that bet&ee" e+e'$ti%es a"d their se'retaries) FI-C%

B$t Miss 2ili"!to" is "ot *# se'retar#) BI##LE.

Oh, #es) 7ood -oi"t) :Crosses L0 be"ow FI-C%0, sarin( o440 FI-C% couners o R0 o4 C0 BRATT and OVI-#TOener4rorn aneroo5 0L; BRATT

We (i!$red #o$ *i!ht be here, 0)B) We9%e bee" &aiti"! (or #o$) OVI-#TO:Crosses 0L0 o4 BI##LE.,;

I ha%e"9t (i"ished *# s-ee'h #et)

BI##LE.

.o$ *ade a (i"e s-ee'h) FI-C%

.es, #o$ did, Mr) O%i"!to") 4er# !ood s-ee'h) :Crosses L0; BRATT

O%i"!to", this is Mr) Fi"'h o( 2la"s a"d S#ste*s) FI-C%

Ho& do #o$ do, Mr) O%i"!to") OVI-#TO-

Ho& do #o$ do: :%e and FI-C% s'ake 'ands0; FI-C%

I did"9t !et a 'ha"'e to tell #o$ at the -art#, Mr) O%i"!to" b$t I9* %er# i"terested i" ad%ertisi"! a"d I9%e read a lot abo$t #o$ i" Fort$"e Ma!a1i"e) So*e &o"der($l st$(() OVI-#TO-

Tha" #o$) ? %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C%

B# the &a#, Mr) Bi!!le#, did #o$ "o& that Mr) O%i"!to" &as a" All A*eri'a" hal(ba' at 'olle!e: ‐

:Crosses R0; BI##LE.

Is that so: Where did #o$ -la#, O%i"!to": OVI-#TO-

The !reatest little 'olle!e i" the &orld Norther" State) ‐

BI##LE. :%e and FI-C% ec'an(e ("ances;

A 'hi-*$"/ :Crosses I o FI-C%, bu kee*s "ookin( a OVI-CTO-0 FI-C% "ooks4ron and s5i"es0; OVI-#TO-

I s$re a* a Chi-*$") Did #o$ see the &a# &e *$rdered the 7ro$"dho!s last Sat$rda#: BI##LE.

O%i"!to", I9* "ot a bi!ot) I9%e hired *e" (ro* all 'olle!es Ti!ers, B$lldo!s, Tro8a"s, 7o-hers, Bad!ers b$t "e%er, "e%er a Chi-*$"/ ‐

‐

:BRATT crosses R0 o OVI-#TO-, akes ou a *en and resi(naion 4or5 4ro5 *ocke and o44ers i o OVI-#TO- o si(n0;

.o$r resi!"atio" is a''e-ted)

:OVI-#TO- si(ns resi(naion0 BI##LE. and FI-C% sin(; G 67 Ri* T'e C'i*5unk :Bi(("ey, Finc'; BI##LE. ! FI-C%

RI2/ RRR RI2/ RRR RI2 THE CHI2MUNK OFF THE FIELD) ‐

‐

:OVI-#TO- sars o44 L0, so*s, urns0; OVI-#TO-

CHI2MUNK RAH, CHI2MUNK RAH, CHI2 CHI2 CHI2 CHI2 CHI2MUNK/ :%e eis L0 'rou(' aneroo5 and o44; BI##LE. :Crosses 0 C0;

That &as a "arro& s$ea)  %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C%

It &as a bi! sho' to *e) BI##LE.

Fi"'h, it9s a !ood thi"! #o$9re o" the ball &he" it 'o*es to ad%ertisi"!) BRATT :Crosses R0 o BI##LE.;

Sa#, 0)B), &hat are &e !oi"! to do (or a "e& ad%ertisi"! *a"a!er: BI##LE.

Fi"'h, *a#be it9s Fate that #o$ ha--e" to be here at this %er# *o*e"t) :Crosses R0 o FI-C%0;

.o$9%e al&a#s &a"ted this rotte" 8ob) Do #o$ thi" #o$ 'o$ld ha"dle it: FI-C% :Crosses R0 wo se*s;

I do"9t "o&, sir) BI##LE. :To BRATT;

I( there9s o"e thi"! I ad*ire i" a, *a", it9s h$*ilit#) :BRATT "ooks away0 To FI-C%0;

Fi"'h, I9* *ai"! #o$ %i'e -reside"t i" 'har!e o( ad%ertisi"!) FI-C%

Me: A %i'e -reside"t): BRATT

0)B), I do"9t &a"t to $estio" #o$r de'isio") Fi"'h is %er# bri!ht, b$t he9s rather i"e+-erie"'ed a"d))) BI##LE.

I lie hi*) BRATT

I lie hi*) :T'rows u* 'ands in resi(naion0; BI##LE.

I thi" &e9%e hit o" so*ethi"! here, Bratt) This bo# is loaded &ith !reat ideas) BRATT

Ideas: Tell $s so*e o( the*, Fi"'h) FI-C%

Well, I ha%e"9t had ti*e to (i!$re the*)))  %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BI##LE. :Nuick"y cuin( in;

Co*e o", Fi"'h) :Crosses one &e* R0;

Where are those ideas: FI-C%

Well, sir, I ))) BI##LE.

2$t $- or sh$t $-, so") FI-C%

Well, the thi"! is BI##LE.

7et o" the ball or #o$9ll be o$t o( here lie a shot) FI-C%

B$t, sir, I9d lie to be able to !i%e #o$ a 'lear '$t 'a*-ai!" ‐

BRATT :Crossin( I o FI-C%;

Sa#, 0)B), the 2la"s Board is *eeti"! da# a(ter to*orro&) Fi"'h 'a" tell $s a// his ideas the") BI##LE.

Fi"e) Fi"'h, #o$9%e !ot (ort# ei!ht ho$rs to *ae a" ad%ertisi"! -rese"tatio") ‐

:&ars o44 L0 wi' BRATT, so*s and urns o FI-C%0;

Better !et !oi"!, Fi"'h) .o$9re "o& a %i'e -reside"t i" ($ll 'har!e o( ad%ertisi"! a"d, (ra"l#, $to "o& I9* -rett# dissatis(ied &ith #o$r &or) ;%e and BRATT ei L0; FI-C%

I do"9t 'are &hat ha--e"s) I9* a %i'e -reside"t) 4i'e 2reside"t Fi"'h) :Crosses +0L0 o desk, *icks u* *'one0;

Hello, !et *e the statio"er# sho- do&"stairs) Hello, this is Mr) Fi"'h) Re*e*ber those 'ards I s-oe to #o$ abo$t last &ee: 7o ahead a"d -ri"t the* ri!ht a&a#) :%an(s u*0;

No& let9s see &hat) :&udden"y re5e5bers (ir"s, ca""s0;

Oh, !irls, #o$ 'a" 'o*e o$t "o&) :%E. and RO&EMAR. co5e ou0 %E. is now back in 'er 1aris ori(ina" dress0; %E.

Tha"s, Rose*ar#) :Crosses L0 abo3e desk, sarin( o44;  %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C% :Crosses FL;

Rose*ar#, I9%e !ot a s$r-rise (or #o$) I9%e bee" *ade a %i'e -reside"t) %E. :so*s;

Co"!rat$latio"s) Ca" I be #o$r se'retar#: FI-C%

7ee, I9d lo%e that, Hed#, b$t Rose*ar# is !oi"! to be *# se'retar#) :RO&EMAR. urns 'er back o FI-C%0; %E.

I9ll !o ba' to the ste"o -ool) :&ie (oes L0, so*s in aneroo50;

7$ess I9ll &ait (or that -i!eo" till a(ter he9s *arried) :&'e eis o4 L0; FI-C% :Crosses FL, a*s RO&EMAR. on s'ou"der;

Rose*ar#: RO&EMAR. :&i"" urned away;

I9* !oi"! to be #o$r se'retar#: :Turns o 'i50; FI-C%

S$re) .o$ &ere Mr) O%i"!to"9s se'retar# ))) :Crosses L0;

))) a"d "o& I9* tai"! o%er his &hole de-art*e"t) RO&EMAR. :Crosses L0 o 'i5;

A"d &hat *aes #o$ thi" I9d be #o$r se'retar#) I9d rather die) FI-C%

Rose*ar#, #o$ *$st) .o$ ha%e to) I9* i" 'har!e o( ad%ertisi"! "o&) .o$ "o& &hat a to$!h 8ob that is) I 'a" o"l# do it i( I ha%e #o$r hel-) Rose*ar#, I "eed #o$) RO&EMAR.

.o$ do:

:FI-C% nods yes0 &'e 'inks 4or a 5o5en0;

Well, i" that 'ase ))) All ri!ht, I9ll be #o$r se'retar#) 6 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C%

Wo"der($l) No& let9s !et to &or) :&ars o44 L0; RO&EMAR.

0$st lie that: Ha%e"9t #o$ (or!otte" so*ethi"!: FI-C%

Oh, #eah) :&o*s, crosses back o desk, *icks +* *'one0;

Hello, o-erator) Who -ai"ts "a*es o" o((i'e doors: RO&EMAR.

Fi"'h, are"9t #o$ !oi"! to iss *e: FI-C%

Kiss .o$: I 'a"9t) RO&EMAR.

Wh# "ot: FI-C%

.o$9re *# se'retar#) Wait a *i"$te, Rose*ar#) :Ino *'one0;

Hello, "a*e -ai"ter: G 8 7 Fina"e Ac One :Rose5ary, Finc', Bud; :RO&EMAR. urns 4ron0; RO&EMAR.

6Wait a *i"$te, Rose*ar#) Hello, "a*e -ai"ter:6 :B+ eners 0L0, o*ens door and sicks 'ead ino o44ice o ea3esdro*0; FI-C%

This is Mr) Fi"'h) I &a"t *# "a*e o" *# door i" !old lea() B+

Oh/ :Co""a*ses, 'o"din( ono door; FI-C%

0) 2IERRE2ONT FINCH 0) 2IERRE2ONT/ RO&EMAR.

SUDDENL. THERE IS MUSIC FI-C%

ALL CA2ITALS/ 8 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-#

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// RO&EMAR.

IN THE SOUND OF M. NAME 3 FI-C%

.ES, BLOCK LETTERS/ 0A. 2IERRE2ONT/ FI-C% RO&EMAR. B+ ROSEMAR. :By door 0L0; :Crosses R0;

4ICE 2RESIDENT 4ICE 2RESIDENT/ IN CHAR7E OF THERE MUST BE A WA. AD4ERTISIN7 ROSEMAR.3 TO STO2 HIM, F I N C H) THERE MUST BE/ THERE MUST/ ALL OF M. LIFETIME 2RO7RAM WILL BE THE USUAL S2ELLIN73 MORE OF THE SAME) 0A. 2IERRE2ONT3 0A. 2IERRE2ONT 0A. 2IERRE2ONT ‐

‐

‐

‐

:%an(s u* *'one0;

REMEMBER ME, :Crosses +0R0;

ROSEMAR. 3 I CAN9T STAND IT) BO., WHEN .OU WHATE4ER SEE IT ON .OUR HA22ENED TO :&is0; :Rises0; OWN DOOR ROSEMAR.: THERE IS THERE IS :Crosses 0R0;

WONDERFUL MUSIC WONDERFUL MUSIC IN THE 4ER. IN THE 4ER. I WILL RETURN/ SOUND OF .OUR NAME) SOUND OF .OUR NAME) I WILL RETURN/ E- OF ACT O-E 9 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// G 86 7 Enr@ace :Orc'esra; ACT TWO &cene I G 88 7 O*enin( Ac 8 :Orc'esra; :T%E O+TER OFFICE0 A"" o4 'e OFFICE #IRL&, ic"i6iii( &MITT., are siin( around, (ossi*in(0 B+ FR+M1 is sandin( L0 o4 C0 be"ow row o4 desks, crosses R0 o

TACKABERR.;D w'o is sandin( R0 o4 C0 wi' TO.-BEE0 %e w'is*ers so5e'in( o 'e5, 'ey ei R0 BRATT eners :J0R0 4ro5 'e eecui3e suie, crosses R0 o4 C0 B+ urns, crosses L0 o 'i5 and w'is*ers so5e'in( o 'i50 BRATT crosses L0 and sis0 JE-KI-& eners L0, B+ crosses o 'i5 so**in( 'i5 L0 o4 C0 and w'is*ers o 'i50 T'e #IRL& +0&0 'a3e been obser3in( 'e abo3e business0 &MITT., C0, crosses R0 o MI&& KR+M%OLT20 T'ey bo' cross 0, obser3in( Fru5* and Jenkins sa(e R0; &MITT.

There9s s$re a lot o( &his-eri"! !oi"! o" toda#) MI&& KR+M%OLT2

It9s the Mer'ha"dise Ma(ia at &or) :B+ and JE-KI-& ei L0;

E%er si"'e Fi"'h be'a*e a %i'e -reside"t, the#9%e all bee" s'ared o$t o( their &its) Whe"9s the bi! *eeti"!): &MITT.

It9s set (or this a(ter"oo") I ho-e 2o"t# 'o*es $- &ith so*ethi"!) :RO&EMAR. eners +0R0 4ro5 'e eecui3e suie0 &'e is dressed 4or de*arure 'a, ba(, ec0 &MITT. crosses o 'er0 MI&& KR+M%OLT2 crosses +0 o 'e (ir"s a 'e desks0;

Where are #o$ !oi"!: RO&EMAR. :C0;

Ho*e) &MITT.

At te" o9'lo' i" the *or"i"!: RO&EMAR.

I9%e resi!"ed) I9* $itti"!) &MITT.

No"se"se) .o$9%e bee" threate"i"! that all &ee) RO&EMAR.

This ti*e it9s o((i'ial) :Crosses R0;

I le(t a letter o( resi!"atio" o" his des) Wait till he reads it) < %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// &MITT. :Crosses R0;

B$t, $h RO&EMAR.

S*itt#, I 8$st 'a"9t tae it a"# *ore) I do"9t *i"d a -erso" i!"ori"! *e 'o*-letel#

as lo"! as he -a#s a little atte"tio") :Crosses R0;

S*itt#, he does"9t "eed *e) &MITT. :Crosses R0;

He did tell #o$ he lo%ed #o$ a"d that he &a"ted to *arr# #o$) :T%REE #IRL& dri4 down o 'ear 'e con3ersaion0; RO&EMAR.

Sssshh, S*itt#, that &as s$--osed to be a se'ret) &MITT.

Oh, do"9t &orr#) I ha%e"9t told a"#bod#) MI&& KR+M%OLT2 :L0 o4 &MITT.;

What9s the *atter: &MITT.

Rose*ar# is resi!"i"! (ro* Fi"'h) FIR&T #IRL :L0 o4 MI&& KR+M%OLT2;

B$t I tho$!ht he &as !oi"! to *arr# her) &ECO- #IRL :L0 o4 FIR&T #IRL;

That9s &hat I tho$!ht) MI&& KR+M%OLT2

Me, too) :&MITT. crosses L0, ryin( o s'us' 'e #IRL& as RO&EMAR. crosses L0 o &MJTT., "ooks a 'er accusin("y0; &MITT. :A*o"o(eica""y;

I o"l# told the !irls) :To #IRL&0;

Do"9t &orr#) She &ill (or!i%e hi*) = %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// RO&EMAR.

Ne%er/ MI&& KR+M%OLT2 :Takes RO&EMAR. +0&0 o second desk 4ro5 C0; &MITT. :Crosses +0 o L0 o4 RO&EMAR.;

Loo, Rose*ar#, there9s o"e thi"! #o$ 'a"9t o%erloo that9s lo#alt#) ‐

RO&EMAR.

I9%e bee" %er# lo#al to hi*) &MITT.

I do"9t *ea" to hi*) I *ea" to $s ))) $s !irls) #IRL&

That9s ri!ht) S$re) Uh h$h) Et') G 89 7 Cindere""a, ar"in( :&5iy, Rose5ary, #ir"s; &MITT.

HOW OFTEN DOES IT HA22EN THAT A SECRETAR.9S BOSS WANTS TO MARR. 9ER: #IRL&

HALLELU0AH/ &MITT.

HOW OFTEN DOES THE DREAM COME TRUE WITHOUT A SI7N OF CONFLICT OR BARRIER: #IRL&

HALLELU0AH/ &MITT.

WH. TREAT A MAN LIKE HE WAS A T.2HOID CARRIER: HOW OFTEN CAN .OU FL. FROM TH0 LAND OF CARBON 2A2ER :FO+R #IRL& cross 0L0;

TO THE LAND OF FLOWER9D CHINT: #IRL&

HALLELU0AH/ &MITT.

HOW OFTEN DOES A CINDERELLA 7ET A CRACK AT THE 2RINCE: > %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// #IRL&

CINDERELLA AND THE 2RINCE/ RO&EMAR.

Ci"derella: Wait, a *i"$te) I9* "o Ci"derella) I9%e !ot ei!ht# (i%e dollars i" the ba" a"d a sa%i"!s bo"d) ‐

&MITT.

It9 "ot a *atter o( *o"e#) He9s a %i'e -reside"t) That *aes hi* a$to*ati'all# a -ri"'e) Tr$e: #IRL&

Tr$e: MI&& KR+M%OLT2

So, #o$9re a$to*ati'all# a Ci"derella)

A #IRL

See: :&'o3es wase*a*er baske on RO&EMAR.Ds 4oo as a ("ass s"i**er0; &MITT.

Do"9t #o$ reali1e ))) :&in(s;

.OU9RE A REAL, LI4E FAIR. TALE> A S.MBOL DI4INE) SO, IF NOT FOR .OUR OWN SAKE, 2LEASE, DARLIN7, FOR MINE) #IRL&

AND MINE, AND MINE, AND MINE) DON9T, DON9T, DON9T, CINDERELLA, DARLIN7, DON9T TURN DOWN THE 2RINCE/ &MITT.

DON9T REWRITE .OUR STOR.> :Crosses 0L0;

.OU9RE THE LE7END, THE FOLKLORE, THE WORKIN7 7IRL9S DREAM OF 7LOR./ :RO&EMAR. crosses 0C0 #IRL& (a'er around0;

ALL WE WERE RAISED ON .OU, DARLIN7, AND WE94E LO4ED .OU E4ER SINCE) :T'ey back away0; ? %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// ALL

DON9T MESS U2 A MA0OR MIRACLE, DON9T, CINDERELLA, :T'ey a"" cross o RO&EMAR.;

DON9T TURN DOWN THE 2RINCF) :#IRL akes wasebaske o44 'er 4oo0; &MITT.

OH, LET US LI4E IT WITH .OU EACH HOUR OF EACH DA.) FIR&T #IRL

ON FROM BER7DORF 7OODMAN ))) &ECO- #IRL

TO ELIABETH ARDEN T%IR #IRL

IN THE STATION WA7ON )))

FO+RT% #IRL

HURR. FROM TWENT. ONE ))) ‐

FIFT% #IRL

TO THE TARR.TOWN 2)T)A) RO&EMAR.

No) Ne& Ro'helle/ #IRL&

NEW ROCHELLE 2)T)A), 2LEASE/ &MITT.

OH, DO NOT LEA4E US MINUS, #IRL&

2LEASE/ &MITT.

OUR 4ICARIOUS BONUS, #IRL&

2LEASE/ :A-CER akes bo o4 issues 4ro5 desk, crosses 0 and *"aces a issue on RO&EMAR.D& 'ead0 A-OT%ER A-CER 04o"ds *iece o4 *a*er as 4"ower bouue, 'and s i o RO&EMAR.; &MITT.

WE WANT TO SEE HIS HI7HNESS #IRL&

2LEASE/  %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// &MITT.

MARRIED TO .OUR LOWNESS) :ALL knee"; #IRL&

AH &MITT.

ON .OU, CINDERELLA, SITS THE ONUS, #IRL&

AH &MITT.

SO WHEN .OU NAME THE HA22. DA., 2LEASE 2HONE US, :T'ey rise0; ALL

2HONE US/ BUT DON9T, DON9T, DON9T,

CINDERELLA, DARLIN7, DON9T TURN DOWN THE 2RINCE) :Cross +0L; &MITT.

WH. S2OIL OUR EN0O.MENT> .OU9RE THE FABLE, THE S.MBOL OF 7LORIFIED UNEM2LO.MENT/ :T'ey "ine u* on ei'er side o4 RO&EMAR.0; ALL

WE WERE RAISED ON .OU, DARLIN7, :ALL c"ose in and 'u( 'er0;

AND WE94E LO4ED .OU E4ER SINCE) DON9T LOUSE U2 OUR FA49RITE FAIR. TALE> DON9T, CINDERELLA, :ALL back away0;

DON9T, DON9T, DON9T> DON9T, CINDERELLA, DON9T, DON9T, DON9T> DON9T,) CINDERELLA, DON9T/ DON9T TURN DOWN THE 2RINCE/ RO&EMAR.

All ri!ht I9ll !i%e hi* o"e *ore 'ha"'e)  %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// ALL

HALLELU0AH/ &cene 8 :FI-C%D& -EW AVERTI&I-# OFFICE0 On rise an o3er'an(in( s*ecia" "i(' *icks FI-C% u* a 'is desk0 FI-C% is readin( 'e book0; BOOK VOICE

So #o$ are "o& a %i'e -reside"t) .o$ ha%e 'li*bed the ladder o( s$''ess r$"!, b# -ai"($l r$"!, $"til #o$ ha%e al*ost rea'hed the to-) .o$ ha%e do"e bea$ti($ll#) U"less #o$ are %i'e -reside"t i" 'har!e o( ad%ertisi"!) I" that 'ase #o$ are i" terrible tro$ble) There is o"l# o"e thi"! that 'a" sa%e #o$) .o$ *$st !et a brillia"t idea) The $i'est &a# to !et ideas is to de%elothe*) That is, #o$ *$st e+a*i"e the $"de%elo-ed, &orthless "otio"s o( others a"d add to the* that e+tra so*ethi"! that *aes the idea #o$r o&") A" $"de%elo-ed "otio" *a# 'o*e (ro* the least liel#

so$r'e) Be alert/ .o$ "e%er "o& &ho &ill bri"! it to #o$) :B+ eners L0; B+

Hi, 2o"t#) FI-C%

Hello, B$d) :Rises0; B+

Sorr# I b$sted i", b$t there &as "o o"e o$tside) :Lookin( around, crosses i o FI-C%D& desk0;

First ti*e I9%e see" #o$r "e& o((i'e) :1eeks a w'a is on 1I-C%D& desk0 FI-C% uick"y urns o3er *a*ers0;

$ite a la#o$t) M# (a%orite) st#le Chi"ese 2ro%i"'ial) ‐

:Crosses L0, &is0;

I s$--ose #o$9re &o"deri"! &h# I9* here) FI-C% :Crosses 0R0 o4 desk;

Fra"l#, #es) B+ :Rises, crosses i;

2o"t#, I &a"t #o$ a"d *e to be (rie"ds) .o$ "o&, s*o$* -ea'e-i-e) .o$9%e "e%er lied *e) FI-C% :Crosses L0 owards B+;

Oh, B$d3 6 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// B+

Do"9t de"# it) Its tr$e, a"d I do"9t bla*e #o$) I9%e bee" a "o !ood ba' biti"! (i") ‐

FI-C%

Oh, B$d, that9s a bit stro"!) B+

Ho& &o$ld #o$ -$t it: FI-C%

I !$ess #o$r &a# is best) B+

Well I9d lie to 'ha"!e all that) :Crosses i o FI-C%0;

No& I "o& #o$9re st$' (or a" idea, a"d I &as thi"i"! ))) FI-C%

No& &ait a *i"$te, B$d) I a* "ot st$') B+ :#oin( on;

‐

I &as thi"i"! that !i%e a&a# sho&s are !oi"! to 'o*e ba' a"d ))) ‐

FI-C%

I do"9t "eed a"#o"e else9s ideas a"d ))) :&udden ake0;

What &as that: B+ :Very casua";

Well, I ha%e this idea (or a !i%e a&a# -ro!ra*) It9s 'alled the World Wide Wi'et Treas$re H$"t) We hide a tho$sa"d dollar sa%i"!s bo"d so*e&here a"d e%er# &ee o" tele%isio" &e !i%e 'l$es as to &here it is) ‐

:1us scri* ino FI-C%D& 'ands0;

Loo, as #o$ sa#, #o$ do"9t "eed a" idea, b$t let *e lea%e this &ith #o$ a"d i( #o$ !et a 'ha"'e, loo it o%er) Be'a$se the *eeti"!9s i" a (e& little &hile) I *ea" it9s soo") :raws 4in(er across 'roa0 &ars o44 L0; FI-C%

Uh, B$d :B+ so*s0;

What did #o$r $"'le sa# &he" #o$ told hi* abo$t this: B+

I ha%e"9t told it to hi*, 2o"t#) I( I bro$!ht it to hi*, he &o$ld"9t liste") That9s I bro$!ht it to #o$) 66 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C%

.o$ ha%e"9t told it to #o$r $"'le: B+

No, 2o"t#) :Crosses R0 o FI-C%, reac'es 4or 5anuscri*0;

Loo) i( #o$re "ot i"terested3 FI-C% :Kee*in( scri*;

Well, B$d, the idea does"9t !i%e *e *$'h "o$rish*e"t b$t *a#be I9ll !i%e it a bit o( a thi" thi") ‐

B+

Feel (ree to $se it) :%e sars L0, so*s and sin(s0; G 8< 7 I %a3e Reurned :Bud; :B+;

I HA4E RETURNED) :%e (oes L0; FI-C%

:Le4 a"one, "ooks a 5anuscri* care4u""y, crosses abo3e desk;

Treas$re h$"t) Co$ld be) A tho$sa"d dollar bo"d) This thi"! "eeds so*e i"d o( a "e& t&ist) :RO&EMAR. eners L0; RO&EMAR.

2o"t#, I9* ba') I 'ha"!ed *# *i"d) :Crosses R0 o R0 o4 C0; FI-C% :&i"" "os in 'ou(';

Oh, Miss 2ili"!to") RO&EMAR. :Crosses R0 o desk;

I do"9t bla*e #o$ (or bei"! 'old to *e) B$t I did 'ha"!e *# *i"d) FI-C% :Crosses back abo3e desk, si"" *reoccu*ied wi' 5anuscri*;

Abo$t &hat: 68 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// RO&EMAR.

Abo$t &hat I said i" the letter) FI-C%

What letter: RO&EMAR.

M# letter o( resi!"atio") FI-C%

.o$r resi!"atio" (ro* &hat: RO&EMAR.

The 7irl S'o$ts o( A*eri'a) FI-C%

Oh) RO&EMAR.

Do"9t #o$ $"dersta"d: :&'e *icks u* "eer o4 resi(naion 4ro5 desk, s'ows i o 'i5 s"a5s i down, 'en crosses L0 by seee0;

I9%e $it, resi!"ed, le(t #o$ (ore%er/ FI-C%

Wh# are #o$ doi"! that: RO&EMAR. :.e""in(;

Be'a$se I &as) h$rt, h$*iliated, i!"ored, $-set/ FI-C% :&ar"ed;

Who did that to #o$: RO&EMAR.

.o$) FI-C%

Me) It 'o$ld"9t ha%e bee" *e) I ha%e"9t said te" &ords to #o$ all &ee) :RO&EMAR. sares a 'i50;

Tr$e: RO&EMAR.

Tr$e) :&'e sis on seee0; FI-C%

7ood) No& liste", Miss 2ili"!to") RO&EMAR.

M$st #o$ 'all *e that: Ca"9t #o$ 'all *e Rose*ar#: 69 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C%

No) A"d I &a"t #o$ to 'all *e Mr) Fi"'h, $"til #o$9re Mrs) Fi"'h) RO&EMAR. :rea5y s5i"e;

A* I reall# !oi"! to be) Mrs) Fi"'h: FI-C% :Crosses L0 be"ow desk o 'e,;

Oh, 'o*e o") I tho$!ht that &as all settled) RO&EMAR.

I ee- thi"i"! *a#be #o$ (or!ot) FI-C%

Well, I ha%e"9t) .o$9re !oi"! to be Mrs) Fi"'h be'a$se &e9re !oi"! to be *arried) No&, *a# &e dis'$ss so*e serio$s *atters: RO&EMAR.

Oh, s$re) FI-C%

Miss 2ili"!to", I ha%e so*ethi"! I &a"t #o$ to hear) :Crosses i abo3e desk0;

I ha%e (i"all# 'o*e $- &ith a "e& idea (or a tele%isio" -ro!ra*) I9* thi"i"! o( 'alli"! it the World Wide Wi'et Treas$re H$"t) :Crosses o C0;

The -ri1e &o$ld be a tho$sa"d dollar bo"d) Do #o$ thi" that9s e"o$!h: :RO&EMAR. "ooks a 'i5 ra*"y, doesnD answer0 FI-C% crosses L0 o 'er0;

Ma#be &e o$!ht to *ae that t&e"t# (i%e tho$sa"d dollars) Liste" 'are($ll#, Rose*ar#) ‐

:Crosses o C0;

What &o$ld #o$ sa# i( &e !a%e a&a# a h$"dred tho$sa"d dollars: :&'e doesnD answer0 %e crosses o 'er a seee0;

T&o h$"dred tho$sa"d: RO&EMAR.

I do"9t 'are i( #o$ !i%e a&a# the &hole 'o*-a"#) I lo%e #o$) FI-C%

;Stares at her, the" loos(ro"t &ith a ha--# s*ile o" his (a'es< Sa# that a!ai") RO&EMAR.

I lo%e #o$) 6< %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C%

No, be(ore that) RO&EMAR. :1u"ed;

I said I do"9t 'are i( #o$ !i%e a&a# the &hole 'o*-a"#) FI-C% :Crosses R0;

That9s it/ We9ll !i%e a&a# the 'o*-a"#) What a -ri1e/ Oh, I do"9t *ea" the &hole 'o*-a"#) :Crosses R0 be"ow desk0;

I *ea" sto') I" the 'o*-a"#) Nobod# 'o$ld resist that these da#s) I9%e !ot to ha%e ti*e to &or this o$t) I9%e !ot to s-ea to Mr) Bi!!le#) :%e *icks u* *'one0 RO&EMAR. rises, crosses o 'i50;

He9s !ot to !i%e *e a -ost-o"e*e"t) :%an(s u*0;

No, I9ll !o see hi*) RO&EMAR.

7ood l$', Mr) Fi"'h) FI-C%

Tha" #o$, Miss 2ili"!to") :%e sars o44 L0; RO&EMAR.

Sa# :%e so*s and "ooks a 'er0;

What abo$t tai"! *e to l$"'h: Nobod# has to see $s) FI-C% :Re*ro3in("y;

Miss 2ili"!to") RO&EMAR.

:Wi' a s5i"e;

I9* sorr# Mr) Fi"'h) 6= %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// G 8= 7 %a**y o Kee* %is inner War5 :Re*rise; :Rose5ary; :%e eis L0; RO&EMAR.

OH, TO BE LO4ED B. A MAN WITH A 7OAL, TO WATCH AS HE CLIMBS WITH A 2UR2OSE IN LIFE AND 2URIT. OF SOUL) OH, TO BE THERE IN A CORNER OF HIS MIND> DARLIN7, ABSENT MIND ))) SUCH HEA4EN :Crosses L0 o seee0;

WEARIN7 THE WIFEL. UNIFORM WHILE HE 7OES ONWARD AND U2WARD) :&is on seee0;

HA22. TO KEE2 HIS DINNER WARM TILL HE COMES WEARIL. HOME FROM DOWNTOWN) :Rides o44 on seee0; G 8=a 7 Kniora5a :Orc'esra; &cene 9 :BI##LE.D& OFFICE0 BI##LE. is siin( a desk, kniin(0 %E. eners4ro5 L0, 'eads 4or door o inner o44ice0 &'e (oes in, (oes o BI##LE., sares a Fi"5s and a 'e kniin(0; %E. :L0 o4 BI##LE.;

Are #o$ -re!"a"t or so*ethi"!: BI##LE. :&ar"ed, dro*s kniin(, rises;

H$h: Oh, I &as 8$st $b ))) $h ))) 'he'i"! o" so*e "e& -lasti' #ar" ))) Hed#, I told #o$ "e%er to ))) :B+ 'as wa"ked in be'ind %E.0 BI##LE. sudden"y sees 'i50;

What the hell do #o$ &a"t: :%E. crosses +0&0 o C0, "ooks ou window0; B+

0)B), #o$ re*e*ber that tele%isio" idea I o"'e told #o$ abo$t ))) the treas$re h$"t: 6> %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BI##LE.

:Crosses L0 o B+;

I told #o$ &hat I tho$!ht o( that treas$re h$"t) B+

I 8$st &a"ted to re*i"d #o$ that #o$ did"9t lie it) :%e eis L0 BI##LE. o*ens door, "ooks around0 6IE. crosses 0R0 , waiin( i5*aien"y0 BI##LE. c"oses door, crosses R0 be"ow desk o %E.0; BI##LE.

Darli"!, I9%e told #o$ that d$ri"! o((i'e ho$rs I 'a"9t *eet &ith #o$) %E.

I did "ot i"te"d to e*barrass #o$) I 8$st 'a*e (or a b$si"ess -$r-ose) BI##LE.

B$si"ess: %E.

I &ish to te"der #o$ &ith *# resi!"atio") BI##LE.

.o$r resi!"atio": What are #o$ !oi"! to do: %E.

I9* o" *# &a# to Los A"!eles) I9%e bee" o((ered a %er# s$itable -ositio" there) BI##LE.

Los A"!eles: Hed#, #o$ 'a"9t) Tell *e &hat this is all abo$t) %E.

I 8$st !ot a letter (ro* a !irl (rie"d) She9s &ori"! (or a bi! 'os*eti' (ir* o$t there) She de*o"strates si" 'rea*s BI##LE. :%orri4ied;

Si" 'rea* %E.

.es) I" all those bi! !la*oro$s de-art*e"t stores) A"d she 'a" !et *e a 8ob) BI##LE.

That9s $"di!"i(ied) .o$ 'a"9t r$" aro$"d de*o"strati"! so*e (ae !oo) %E. :Indi(nan;

It is "ot a (ae) It9s a %er# (i"e si" 'rea* 'alled Der*oblast) Do #o$ "o& &hat it9s *ade (ro*: BI##LE.

2lease, do"9t tell *e) %E.

It9s *ade (ro* sharbell# 8ell#) 6? %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BI##LE.

I &as a(raid o( that) .o$ said #o$ &a"ted a 'areer) What i"d o( a ($t$re is there i" sharbellies: %E.

More tha" there is aro$"d here) Not a si"!le !$# aro$"d here &ill $se *e as his se'retar#) :Crosses R0;

The# sta# a&a# (ro* *e lie I had a" e+tre*el# tro-i'al disease) BI##LE.

Hed#, i( #o$ 'o$ld 8$st be -atie"t) %E.

No) I9%e *ade $- *# *i"d) Bo" %o#a!e) :&'e sars O44 L0; BI##LE.

Well, !ood l$', dear) :&is in c'air C0; %E. :&o*s, urns;

H$h: BI##LE.

I9ll *a"a!e so*eho&) O"l# ho& &ill I s-e"d those lo"el# "i!hts: %E.

.o$ 'o$ld sta# ho*e) BI##LE.

I 'a"9t sta# ho*e) I9* a *arried *a" %E.

Oh, #o$9ll do all ri!ht) BI##LE.

Hed#, I 'a"9t li%e &itho$t #o$) %E. :Crosses R0 o BI##LE.;

.o$ *ea" that: BI##LE. :Rises, crosses 0C0;

O( 'o$rse I do) I "o& I see* to ha%e e%er#thi"!) Old ri'h 0)B) Bi!!le#) Old Mo"e#ba!s) 2eo-le 'o*e to *e &ith treas$re h$"ts) M# da# is s-e"t tali"! *o"e#) A"d &hat does it all *ea": Nothi"!) Hed#, "othi"! *ea"s a"#thi"! &itho$t #o$) 6 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// G 8> 7 Lo3e Fro5 A %ear O4 #o"d :Bi(("ey, %edy; %E. :Crosses 0C0 o 'is L0;

No& &ait a *i"$te) Do"9t start !etti"! si"'ere) That9s "ot (air) BI##LE.

WHERE WILL I FIND A TREASURE LIKE THE LO4E FROM A HEART OF 7OLD> :Reac'es o3er and 'o"ds %E.D& 'and0;

E4ER TRUSTIN7 AND SWEET, AND AWAITIN7 M. 2LEASURE> :Les (o o4 'er 'and0;

RAIN OR SHINE3 HOT OR COLD3 WEALTH FAR BE.OND ALL MEASURE, MA.BE HERE IN M. HANDS I HOLD) :%E. urns +0&0, akes ou 'andkerc'ie4;

AH, BUT WHERE WILL I FIND THAT ONE TREASURE OF TREASURES, THE LO4E FROM A HEART OF 7OLD) HED. :&'e urns o 'i5;

I "e%er "e& #o$ (elt that &a#) BI##LE.

No o"e "o&s this, b$t I9* e+tre*el# e*otio"al) %E.

7odda**it, so a* I) WHERE WILL I FIND A TREASURE LIKE THE LO4E FROM A HEART OF 7OLD> E4ER TRUSTIN7 AND SWEET AND AWAITIN7 M. 2LEASURE> RAIN OR SHINE BI##LE.

RAIN OR SHINE %E.

HOT OR COLD BI##LE.

HOT OR COLD %E.

WEALTH FAR BE.OND ALL MEASURE, MA.BE SOON IN M. HANDS I9LL HOLD) 6 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :%E.;

AH, BUT WHERE I FIND THAT ONE TREASURE OF TREASURES, ;BI77LE. -i"'e "e1 dro-s o((< ‐

BOT%

THE LO4E FROM A HEART OF 7OLD) BI##LE.

;Head to head< I "e& #o$9d $"dersta"d) %E.

Oh, I do, I do) .o$ "o&, I ha%e a" idea that *i!ht sol%e e%er#thi"!) BI##LE.

What: %E.

Wh# do"9t I be #o$r se'retar#: BI##LE.

.o$9re o$t o( #o$r *i"d) I *ea", I ha%e Miss 0o"es) :Crosses L0, sis down0 &'e 4o""ows u* o 'is L0; %E.

I 'o$ld assist Miss 0o"es) I 'o$ld lear" a lot (ro* her) BI##LE.

H*"*****) %E. :Wa"kin( uick"y o door L0 and o*enin( i;

.o$ do"9t &a"t *e as #o$r se'retar#) :FI-C% eners sa(e L0 %e so*s be"ow door and 'ears 'a so5e'in( *ri3ae is (oin( on0; BI##LE. :Rises, so*s 'er;

Wait, Hed# 8$st be -atie"t) %E. :Very swee"y;

All ri!ht, dear) I9ll be -atie"t) :C'an(es one0;

I9ll !i%e #o$ t&e"t# (o$r ho$rs) A(ter that it9s !oodb#e Wi'ets, Hello, Der*oblast) ‐

:Eis 'rou(' door0; BI##LE.

B$t, Hed#) 66 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :%e s"u5*s in 'is c'air, urns i +0&0 TRAVELER CLO&E&0 %E. crosses 0 and sees FI-C%, w'o 'as crossed L0 o4 C0; %E.

Hi, Fi"'h#) :Crosses R0 o 'i50;

I sho$ld be %er# a"!r# &ith #o$, C$tie 2ie) ‐

:1inc'es 'is c'eek;

FI-C%

Hello, Hed#) Where9s Miss 0o"es: I &a"ted to see Mr) Bi!!le#) %E.

He9s "ot doi"! a"#thi"!) .o$ 'a" !o i") :&ars o44 R, crossin( be"ow FI-C%0; FI-C%

Sa#, Hed# :&'e so*s0;

Are #o$ $itti"!: %E.

U"less I hear other&ise to the 'o"trar#) FI-C% :Crosses o %E.;

Ma#be &e 'a" hel- ea'h other) %E.

7ood) Let9s b$st o$t to!ether) FI-C%

I9%e !ot a di((ere"t idea) Hed#, I9d lie to tal to #o$ alo"e) Let9s see, &here 'o$ld &e !o: %E.

Let9s !o to *# -la'e) FI-C%

This is b$si"ess) %E.

Oa#, the" let9s !o to #o$r -la'e) FI-C%

Uh 3) %E.

Tell #o$ &hat, tae *e o$t a"d b$# *e l$"'h) What abo$t o"e o9'lo': Meet #o$ do&"stairs) FI-C%

Well) I %E.

Do #o$ &a"t to tal or do"9t #o$: 666 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C% :A4er a *ause;

Oa#) B$t &e9d better *eet aro$"d the 'or"er) %E. :&ars o44 L0;

7ot'ha, '$tie/ Chi'e" ))) / :&'e eis L0 as FI-C% sars 4or BI##LE.D o44ice coo"D;

G 8>a 7 T'e Lunc' ae :Orc'esra; &cene < :ME-D& WA&%ROOM OF T%E WORL WIE WICKET COM1A-. T'ere is a row o4 nine sinks 0&0 and4rarnes re*resenin( 5irrors0 BRATT, a 'ird sink 4ro5 L0, and AVI&, a 'ird sink 4ro5 R0 , are was'in( 'eir 'ands a sinks0 1'one +0&0L0 wa"" RI-#& wice0 BRATT s'akes waer o44 'is 'ands, (oes o *'one, *icks i u*0; BRATT :A *'one;

Hello, e+e'$ti%e &ashroo*) .eah, I9* do&" here) What: The *eeti"!9s at (o$r thirt#) Co*e o" do&") We9ll *ae -la"s)

‐

:%an(s u*, (oes back o sink0 TO.-BEE eners L0; TO.-BEE

Bi! *eeti"!9s toda#, h$h: :Crosses +0 and 'an(s coa on 'ook +0&0; BRATT :Lookin( a wac';

.eah) :TACKABERR. eners L0, crosses R0 JE-KI-& 4o""ows 'i5 on, crosses o "as sink L0; TACKABERR.

Hear a"#thi"! abo$t &hat Fi"'h is -la""i"!: :Crosses +0 and 'an(s coa on 'ook +0&0; BRATT

0)B) !a%e hi* a -ost-o"e*e"t, SO he *$st ha%e so*ethi"!) .OU "o&, (ello&s, I9* reall# be!i""i"! to !et a little s'ared o( Fi"'h) JE-KI-&

Me, too) I( &e do"9t sto- hi* -rett# soo"3 :&'akes 'is 'ead0; 668 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BRATT

He9ll -robabl# ha%e $s all &ori"! i" the *ailroo*) :B+ eners L0; B+

Hi, *e") :Crosses i o C0 OT%ER ME- (ree 'i50; TACKABERR.

Hear a"#thi"!, B$d: B+

Cha-s, o$r &orries are o%er) Fi"'h is !oi"! ahead &ith ))) &ell, belie%e *e, he9s dead dead dead) A"d I9* so ha--# I 'o$ld 'r#) ‐

‐

TACKABERR.

That9s %er# -leasa"t "e&s) BRATT

I do"9t "o&) Fi"'h has a &a# o( bo$"'i"!) I &o$ld"9t belie%e he &as dead i( I read his obit$ar#) B+ :Crosses L0 o BRATT;

Ordi"aril# I9d a!ree &ith #o$) Fi"'h is %er# s*art) B$t do"9t (or!et he9s "o& i" ad%ertisi"!) A"d that does so*ethi"! to *e"9s brai"s) :&udden"y so*s, "ooks o44sa(e L0;

Oh oh) :Crosses R0 o second sink, s*eaks casua""y0;

Has a"#bod# see" *# Wildroot Crea* Oil: :FI-C% eners L0, crosses o C0 sink0 ME- 'a3e resu5ed was'in(0; FI-C%

Hi#ah, *e") BRATT

All set (or the bi! *eeti"!: :B+ crosses +0R0 and 'an(s u* 'is coa0 JE-KI-& crosses +0L0 and 'an(s u* 'is coa0 T'ey cross back o 'eir res*eci3e sinks0; FI-C%

Co$ld be, 'o$ld be, Wish *e l$', *e") ALL

7ood l$') 669 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// G 8? 7 I Be"ie3e in .ou :Finc', Men; ME-

7OTTA STO2 THAT MAN, I 7OTTA STO2 THAT MAN COLD 3 OR HE9LL STO2 ME) :ALL s5i"e a FI-C%0 FI-C% crosses +0 and 'an(s 'is coa on 'o ok +0C0;

BI7 DEAL, BI7 ROCKET, THINKS HE HAS THE WORLD IN HIS 2OCKET) 7OTTA STO2, 7OTTA STO2, 7OTTA STO2 THAT MAN, THAT MAN) :A"" ME- 4ade +0 &0 FI-C% crosses 0 o C0 sink, "ooks a 'i5se"4 in 'e 5irror 4acin( 'e audience0; FI-C%

NOW, THERE .OU ARE, .ES, THERE9S THAT FACE> THAT FACE THAT SOMEHOW I TRUST) IT MA. EMBARRASS .OU TO HEAR ME SA. IT, BUT SA. IT I MUST, SA. IT I MUST/ .OU HA4E THE COOL CLEAR E.ES OF A SEEKER OF WISDOM AND TRUTH> .ET THERE9S THAT U2TURNED CHIN, AND THE 7RIN OF IM2ETUOUS .OUTH) OH, I BELIE4E IN .OU, I BELIE4E IN .OU) :Crosses L0;

I HEAR THE SOUND OF 7OOD, SOLID :1icks u* bar o4 soa*0;

0UD7MENT WHENE4ER .OU TALK> .ET, THERE9S THE BOLD, BRA4E S2RIN7 OF THE TI7ER THAT UICKENS .OUR WALK) :Crosses I o C0 sink0;

OH, I BELIE4E IN .OU, I BELIE4E IN .OU) :Was'es 'ands0;

AND WHEN M. FAITH IN M. FELLOW MAN ALL BUT FALLS A2ART> I94E BUT TO FEEL .OUR HAND 7RAS2IN7 MINE, AND I TAKE HEART, I TAKE HEART3 TO SEE THE COOL CLEAR E.ES OF A :Crosses L0, *icks u* owe" 4ro5 "as sink0;

SEEKER OF WISDOM AND TRUTH> 66< %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :FI-C%; :Crosses R0 o C0 sink0;

.ET, WITH THE SLAM, BAN7, TAN7 REMINISCENT OF 7IN AND 4ERMOUTH, OH, I BELIE4E IN .OU, OH, I BELIE4E IN .OU) ME:1uin( on coas +0&0;

7OTTA STO2 THAT MAN, :ME- cross 0 o sinks0;

7OTTASTO2 THAT MAN :ME- 'o"d and 4reee 4or a bea0 FI-C% *icks u* e"ecric raor and be(ins o s'a3e0;

OR HE9LL STO2 ME) BI7 WHEEL, BI7 BEA4ER, BOILIN7 HOT WITH FRONT OFFICE FE4ER)

7OTTA STO2, 7OTTA STO2, 7OTTA STO2 THAT MAN) :FI-C% so*s s'a3in(0; FI-C%

OH, I BELIE4E IN .OU, ME-

DON9T LET HIM BE SUCH A HERO) FI-C%

I BELIE4E IN .OU ME-

STO2 THAT MAN, COTTA STO2 HIM, FI-C% :Lookin( in 5irror;

.OU ME-

STO2 THAT MAN, 7OTTA STO2 HIM, FI-C%

.OU ME-

STO2 THAT MAN, 7OTTA STO2 THAT MAN/ :ALL "ook a FI-C%0 A4er a**"ause;

7OTTA STO2 THAT MAN, :ALL cross L0 oward "as sink0 FI-C% crosses +0 and (es coa0;0

I94E COTTA STO2 THAT MAN COLD OR HE9LL STO2 ME) 66= %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :ME- ei L0; FI-C% :Crosses 0 o C0 sink;

I BELIE4E IN .OU, :%e wa"ks o4 L0;

I BELIE4E IN .OU) G 8?a 7 Ino Board Roo5 :Orc'esra; &cene = :T%E BOARROOM0 In 'e dark we 'ear BOOK VOICE o3er 'e s*eaker0; BOOK VOICE

The (ar*er s-e"ds his ti*e i" the (ields, the laborer at his *a'hi"e, a"d the b$si"ess*a" at *eeti"!s) :LI#%T& di5 u* re3ea"in( 'e boardroo50 We 'ear OR#A- M+&IC *"ayin( o44sa(e0 T'ere is a "ar(e ab"e wi' 'ree cones'a*ed c'airs on ei'er side and one +0&0 4or BI##LE.0 T'ere is a backdro* conainin( 3arious c'ars and 5a*s0 TACKABERR.,

AVI&, B+, BRAVE, JE-KI-& and TO.-BEE ener4roin L0 TACKABERR. and AVI& cross and sand be'ind wo 0L0 c'airs0 B+ crosses o 'ird c'air0, bu BRA T *us'es 'i5 aside and akes 'is *"ace0 B+ crosses abo3e ab"e o 'e 4irs c'air +0&0R0 JE-K"-&4o""o3s 'i5, *us'es 'i5 0&0 o 'e ne c'air0 TO.-BEE, be'ind JE-KI-&, *us'es B+ o 'e "as and on"y re5ainin( c'air R0 T'ey a"" re5ain sandin( be'ind c'airs0 T'e a5os*'ere is 'a o4 a 'us'ed ca'edra"0 BI##LE. eners L0 carryin( 0 a 4o"der, crosses o +0&0C0 c'air0 T'en 'e nods o 'e ME-, 'e sis, 'ey 4o""ow sui0 OR#A- M+&IC 4ades ou0; BI##LE.

7e"tle*e") :Lookin( around0;

Where9s Fi"'h: BRATT :&eaed L0 o4 BI##LE.;

Not here #et, sir) BI##LE.

We9ll start &itho$t hi*) We ha%e a lot o( other b$si"ess to tae 'are o( be(ore &e 'o*e to Fi"'h9s -rese"tatio") :1u"" ou *a*ers0 T'ey a"" are 3ery aeni3e0 Lookin( a *a*er;

Bratt3 66> %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BRATT :Ju5*s o aenion;

.es, 0)B): BI##LE.

That st$(( #o$ re'o**e"ded (or *# 'rab!rass does"9t &or at all) BRATT

I 'a"9t $"dersta"d it, 0)B) It &ored bea$ti($ll# o" *# la&") BI##LE.

M# la&" is a *ess) Better 'o*e $- &ith so*ethi"! "e&) BRATT

Ri!ht, 0)B) B+ :&eaed 0R0;

We "e%er ha%e a"# tro$ble &ith 'rab!rass at o$r -la'e) BI##LE.

What do #o$ $se: B+

Ce*e"t) :T'ey a"" "ook a 'i50;

Sorr#, 0)B) 0$st a little 8oe) BI##LE.

7e"tle*e", #o$ &ill e+'$se *# "e-he&) It9s a 'o*bi"atio" o( #o$th, hi!h s-irits a"d e+tre*e st$-idit# ))) ) No&, let9s see :%is *'one B+22E&0 %e *icks u* *'one0;

.es: Oh) We9%e bee" &aiti"! (or hi*) Se"d hi* i") :%an(s u*0;

It9s Fi"'h) :T'ey a"" "ook o44sa(e e*ecan"y0 Two OFFICE Boys ener L0 carryin( an ease"0 T'ey cross 0L0 o4 C0 T'e i"e c'ar reads A Finc' 1resenaion0  FI-C% 4o""ows 4ro5, L0, crosses +0 o R0 o4 BI##LE.0; FI-C% :To EHEC+TIVE&;

7e"tle*e", I9d lie to -rese"t *# "e& a--roa'h to Wi'et ad%ertisi"!) It9s based o" a" idea &hi'h, i" *# h$*ble o-i"io", is brillia"t) BI##LE.

So$"ds -ro*isi"!) 2ro'eed, Fi"'h) :FI-C% c"icks cricke0 ME- re5o3e i"e c'ar, disc"osin( a *ainin( o4 Moun Vesu3ius0;

What the hell is that: 66? %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C%

A -i't$re o( Mo$"t 4es$%i$s, i" er$-tio") That !i%es .o$ a" idea o( the i*-a't o$r "e& tele%isio" sho& is !oi"! to ha%e) No&, 0)B), a" e+a*-le 3 :C"icks cricke0 ME- urn down *icure, re3ea" co* y o4 Co3er o4 Ti5e wi' BI##LE. *icure on i0;

))) o( the i"d o( "atio"al -$bli'it# #o$ 'a" loo (or&ard) B+ :&eein( co3er o4 "i5e;

Oh, 7od/ FI-C%

The 'o%er o( Ti*e) :C"icks cricke0 ME- disc"ose co3er o4 -ewsweek wi' BI##LE.@s *icure on i0;

The 'o%er o( Ne&s&ee) :C"icks cricke0 ME- disc"ose co3er o4 &*ors i""usraed wi' BI##LE. and 'is (o"4 ou4i0;

A"d (i"all#, 0)B), the 7ol(er o( the .ear) :EHEC+TIVE& reac0;

BI##LE.

4er# I"teresti"!) FI-C% :#ein( down o serious business;

No& :ME- disc"ose "ar(e 5a*0 &ECO- MA- 'en eis 0L0 o *ick0 u* o oy rocke "aer in *resenaion0;

This is a *a- o( the -ote"tial &i'et *aret, di%ided i"to so'ial, !eo!ra-hi' a"d eth"i' !ro$-s) It sho&s ho& &e &ill *ae dee- -e"etratio" a"d o%er&hel*i"! sat$ratio" i" those areas &here resista"'e has lo"! bee" -eaiest) :FIR&T MA- 4"i*s card, re3ea"in( sa"es c'ar wi' red "ine (oin( s'ar*"y do wnward0; BI##LE.

I lie this thi"i"!) FI-C% :Crosses L0 o ease"0;

Tha" #o$) No& here is a sales 'hart o( the -ast (is'al #ear ))) :Crosses R0 o ab"e0;

3&hi'h re(le'ts the disastro$s e((e't o$r (or*er ad%ertisI"! -oli'# i" ter*s o( -er 'a-ita 'o"s$*-tio" o( &i'ets) :Crosses L0 O4 ease";

Note the shar- de'li"e (ro* "or*al re!$larit#) Do&", do&", do&") 66 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :FI-C% urns L0, reac'es ino win(s0 MA- 'ands 'i5 o y rocke0 %e crosses R0 o ab"e, *us rocke down0; :FI-C%;

A"d this is &hat9s !oi"! to ha--e" to o$r sales &he" &e (i"all# !et !oi"!, as &e &ill) :Re"eases oy rocke, s'ooin( i ino 'e air0;

U-, $-, $-/ :Crosses 0L0 o4 ease", urns sa"es c'ar on side so 'a sa"es "ine cur3es u*ward;

A"d there #o$ are) :%e 4"i*s "as card o3er0 wi' 'e aid o4 'e FIR&T OFFICE BO., re3ea"in( an en"ar(ed *'oo o4 FI-C%Ds 4ace wi' 'e words T'e End undernea'0 %e 'en s'akes 'ands wi' 'e FIR&T OFFICE BO., 'en crosses +0L o L0 o4 BI##LE.0 &ECO- OFFICE BO. eners L0, crosses o ease" and BOT% ME- ei wi' ease" L0;

BI##LE.

Fi"'h, I thi" #o$9%e do"e it) 4er# !ood) B+ :Ra**in( on ab"e;

Co$ld I as a $estio", 0)B): :FI-C% crosses abo3e ab"e o R0 o4 B+0; BI##LE.

.es) B+

What is his idea: BI##LE.

.o$ heard) A tele%isio" sho& that &ill !i%e $s -e"etratio" a"d -ea rea'tio") So$"ds !reat, Fi"'h) 7reat/ Does"9t it, *e": ME-

H*****) B+

B$t &hat9s the idea (or the sho&: BI##LE.

I do"9t see &h# #o$ ha%e to be so da*"ed "e!ati%e) The o"l# thi"!s #o$ e%er 'o*e $- &ith are lo$s# ideas lie treas$re h$"ts) :B+ urns o "ook a FI-C%0 FI-C% "ooks a 'i50;

All ri!ht, Fi"'h, &hat is the idea (or the sho&: FI-C%

I do"9t thi" I9* !oi"! to tell it to #o$) :Crosses +0 o R0 o4 BI##LE.0; 66 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BI##LE.

What do .o$ *ea": FI-C%

.o$ "o&, 8)B), i9%e al&a#s tho$!ht o( #o$ as a *a" o( breadth a"d %isio" o-e" to "e& ideas) B$t "o& i do"9t "o&) I9* thro&" BI##LE.

B# &hat: FI-C%

The &a# #o$ 8$st s-oe to B$d abo$t hit,> idea (or a treas$re h$"t) .o$ dis*issed it) The (a't is, there are treas$re h$"ts a"d treas$re h$"ts) Whe" B$d bro$!ht it to *e, I tho$!ht it &as a rotte" idea, too)

:Crosses 0R0; BI##LE.

I sho$ld ho-e so) FI-C% :Crosses L0 o C0 o4 ab"e;

B$t the" I re*e*bered so*ethi"!) 0)B), #o$ "o& a" idea i" itsel( is "othi"!) It9s the de%elo-*e"t that 'o$"ts) Leo"ardo da 4i"'i dre& so*e set'hes (or a (l#i"! *a'hi"e, b$t it too A*eri'a" "o& ho& to de%elo- the* i"to the Boei"! ) ‐

:Crosses +0L0 o4 BI##LE.;

A *a" "a*ed 7atli"! o"'e i"%e"ted a little *a'hi"e !$", b$t it too a *i!ht# brai" to tae this si*-le little *a'hi"e !$" a"d de%elo- it i"to a !reat -ro!ra* lie :&"a5s ab"e0;

6The U"to$'hables)6 Whe" I tho$!ht o( that, B$d9s sill# little idea be'a*e a 'halle"!e to *e, a"d I said, 6 I9* !oi"! to tae this idea o( B$d Fr$*-9s a"d de(r$*- it) First or all, *# treas$re is "ot a bo"d, a"d it9s "ot *o"e#) It9s sto') ME-

Sto'/ FI-C%

Fi(t# tho$sa"d shares o( sto') BI##LE.

Sto': I" o$r 'o*-a"#: FI-C%

These da#s -eo-le lie sto' better tha" *o"e#) BRATT

Ho& 'a" &e iss$e (i(t# tho$sa"d e+tra shares o( sto': :ME- reac0; 68 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C% :Turns o BRATT;

That9s "o -roble*) It9s a si*-le *atter o( tai"! the 'o"%ertible debe"t$res (ro* the si"i"! ($"d, iss$i"! sto' o-tio"s &hi'h are e+'ha"!eable (or ri!hts, &hi'h &e the" 'o"%ert i"to "o"%oti"! 'o**o" a"d re-la'e &ith &arra"ts) BRATT

Tell *e that a!ai") FI-C%

I 'a"9t) JE-KI-&

It 'a"9t be do"e, 0)B) BI##LE.

It 'a"9t be do"e) FI-C%

B$t i( it 'o$ld, &o$ld"9t it 'reate a tre*e"do$s e+'ite*e"t: BI##LE.

B$t it 'a"9t be do"e) FI-C%

B$t i( it 'o$ld) BI##LE.

B$t it 'a"9t) FI-C%

B$t i( it 'o$ld, 0)B), 8$st (or a *o*e"t sa# it 'o$ld be do"e, &hat9s #o$r a"s&er: BI##LE.

I (or!ot the $estio") BRATT

.o$ 'a"9t !i%e a&a# sto'/ :ME- reac0; FI-C%

We !i%e a&a# sto' di%ide"ds, do"9t &e: 2lease, let *e !o o" &ith *# -rese"tatio") :FI-C% crosses 0L0, ca""s o44sa(e0;

We9re read#) BI##LE.

Fi"'h, I hate !i%e a&a# sho&s) ‐

FI-C%

So do I, 0)B) B$t the -$bli' al&a#s lo%es the*) I tell #o$, a"#bod# &ho 'ollies $&ith a "e& $"ri!!ed, $"(i+ed &a# to !i%e a&a# so*ethi"! (or "othi"! is !oi"! to 'lea" $-9 A"d I ha%e that "e& t&ist) 7e"tle*e", the World Wide Wi'et Treas$re 7irl) 686 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :%E. eners 4ro5 L0, crosses o ab"e be"ow FI-C% &'e is dressed in a * irae cosu5e w'ic' is 3ery, 3ery abbre3iaed0 &'e 'as a *ac' o3er one eye, and "ooks (rea0 MEreac0; BI##LE. :&arin(, rises;

What is this: FI-C% :L0 o4 %E.;

This, 0)B), is the se'ret i"!redie"t) The thi"! that &ill tae the 'o$"tr# b# stor*) I9*

'o*bi"i"! !reed a"d se+) Ca"9t *iss) 7o ahead, Hed#) %E. :Very 5uc' "ike a ci(aree (ir";

Hello, there) I9* the World Wide Wi'et Treas$re 7irl) Ea'h &ee I9* !oi"! to bri"! #o$ a 'l$e to &here the World Wide treas$re has bee" stashed) FI-C%

B$ried) %E.

Oh, #eah) B$ried) This e#e-at'h !ets *e *i+ed $-) :Crosses +0L0 o4 BI##LE.0;

Is"9t this a '$te o$t(it: I lo%e it) BI##LE. :&is;

4er# "i'e, Miss LaR$e, %er# "i'e) FI-C%

;Crosses U) to L) o( BRATT< O( 'o$rse, Miss LaR$e is 8$st hel-i"! *e de*o"strate the idea) She &o"9t be o$r re!$lar Treas$re 7irl) %E. :Acin( i u*;

Nat$rall#) :ee* si('0; FI-C% :Crosses 0 o L0 o4 AVI&;

Whe" &e a't$all# !o o" the air &e "eed a bi! "a*e -erso"alit#) %E.

O( Co$rse) :Ano'er si('0; 688 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :%E.;

Well, I9* lea%i"! the (ir*, a"#&a#) :Leans o3er BI##LE.0;

O( 'o$rse, I &o$ld"9t i( ))) FI-C% :0L0 Lea*s in;

O(( ha"d, I9d sa# this &o$ld be !reat (or so*eo"e lie Eli1abeth Ta#lor) B+

Wh# do"9t #o$ !et $ee" Eli1abeth: FI-C%

:Leans across ab"e o B+;

This is a" A*eri'a" -ro!ra*) No&, 0)B), a bea$ti($l Treas$re 7irl, -l$s (i(t# tho$sa"d shares o( sto' &ill ))) BRATT :Rises;

0)B), let9s tell this *a"ia' o(( a"d !et o" &ith o$r b$si"ess) :ME- reac0; BI##LE. :Rises;

0$st a *o*e"t) I9ll ha"dle this) 7e"tle*e" a"d Miss LaR$e, &ill #o$ -lease lea%e *e alo"e &ith Mr) Fi"'h) BRATT

Oa#) Tae 'are o( hi*) :ME- and %E. (e u* and sar o44 L0;

This is 'ra1#/ What abo$t the S)E)C): TACKABERR. :Eiin(;

What abo$t the F)C)C): JE-KI-&

What abo$t the sto'holders: TO.-BEE

What abo$t the board o( dire'tors: JE-KI-&

What abo$t the Federal stat$tes): AVI&

What abo$t the Federal Trade Co**issio": 689 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BRATT

What abo$t the Se"ate I"%esti!ati"! Co**ittee: :T'ey ei L0; FI-C% :Crosses +0L0 o4 BI##LE.;

The#9re all bei"! -ett#) BI##LE.

Fi"'h ))) #o$9re a brillia"t #o$"! 'ha-, b$t I9* a(raid #o$9%e let $s do&") :&is0; FI-C% :&is;

Ho&, 0)B): BI##LE.

.o$9%e *issed the boat) .o$ ha%e"9t tho$!ht this o$t -ro-erl#) FI-C%

I do"9t $"dersta"d, 0)B) BI##LE.

Tell *e, &h# does this Treas$re 7irl ha%e to be a bi! "a*e -erso"alit#: :FI-C% urns 4ron and s5i"es0; FI-C%

Sir: BI##LE.

Ho& &o$ld it be i( she &ere ))) &ell ))) so*eo"e *ore FI-C%

More BI##LE.

More ide"ti(ied &ith the 'o*-a"#) A real, $h ))) FI-C%

A real World Wide Wi'et !irl): BI##LE.

.es) Ma#be ))) :As i4 (ein( a bri""ian idea0;

Sa#, &h# "ot Miss LaR$e hersel(: FI-C% :Rises;

Brillia"t, 0)B), brillia"t/ I"stead o( a" arti(i'ial a'tress, &e ha%e -lai", si*-le Hed# LaR$e, the !irl "e+t door) That &as a !reat tho$!hts 0)B) 68< %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BI##LE.

It &as"9t bad, &as it: FI-C%

The" it9s all settled) :Crosses 0; BI##LE.

0$st a *o*e"t) Fi"'h &here are #o$ !oi"! to hide the treas$re: FI-C% :Crosses +0L0 o BI##LE.;

0)B), this sho& is 'o*-letel# $"ri!!ed) Not e%e" the Treas$re 7irl is !oi"! to "o& &here the treas$re is hidde") BI##LE.

Well, I9d lie to "o&) FI-C%

Oa#) It9s to be a se'ret bet&ee" #o$ a"d *e) I9ll !i%e #o$ the (irst 'l$e that the Treas$re 7irl is !oi"! to !i%e o%er the air) 6West o( the s$", &est o( the *oo", &here

is the treas$re: Blo& *e a t$"e)6 BI##LE.

What the hell is that: FI-C%

To$!h 'l$e, is"9t it: B$t i( #o$ &ill "ote, the (irst letters o( ea'h li"e are W)W)W)B) World Wide Wi'et B$ildi"!s) BI##LE. :Rises;

.o$9re !oi"! to $se o$r b$ildi"!s: FI-C%

I9* !oi"! to hide (i%e tho$sa"d shares o( sto' i" ea'h o( the te" World Wide Wi'et B$ildi"!s thro$!ho$t the 'o$"tr#) We9ll !et tre*e"do$s -$bli'it#) BI##LE.

B$t #o$9ll ha%e *obs o( -eo-le r$""i"! all o%er the b$ildi"!s, looi"! (or the treaG FI-C%

0)B), i( a *a" as brillia"t a"d as ed$'ated as #o$) 'o$ld"9t !$ess (ro* the 'l$e I !a%e #o$, do #o$ thi" the a%era!e %ie&er is !oi"! to !$ess: BI##LE.

7ood -oi"t) FI-C% :Ca""s o44 L0;

.o$ 'a" 'o*e i", !e"tle*e") :Crosses abo3e ab"e o R0; 68= %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :BRATT and ME- wa"k on and (o 'e 'eir *"aces, sand be'ind 'e c'airs0; BI##LE.

7etle*e" I* thi"ith! ot !oi"! ahead &ith the World Wide Wi'et Treas$re H$"t) o( 'o$rse I &a"t #o$r a--ro%al) BRATT

Well) 0)B)) I thi" it9s a" absol$tel#) 'ra1# *otio" a"d ))) BI##LE.

I lie it) BRATT

I lie it9 ME:In unison;

We lie it/ G 8 7 T0V0 Announce5en :Orc'esra; &cene >

:TELEVI&IO- &%OW0 On rise we see a y*ica" e"e3ision Lo(o dis*"ay w'ic' is a ("obe o4 'e wor"d wi' 'e words Wor"d Wide Wickes wrien around is circu54erence0 T'e A--O+-CER Ds VOICE is 'eard a3er 'e usua" inroducion 5usic0; TV A--O+-CER :O3er s*eaker;

The World Wide Wi'et Co*-a"#, &hose slo!a" (or o%er ore h$"dred #ears has bee" 6World Wide Wi'ets 3 :A s5a"" *ane" s"i*s dawn 4ro5 be'ind "o(o wi' 'e words For A Wider Wor"d Wrien on i0;

3 For A Wider World,6 -rese"ts, i" li%i"! 'olor, i" the i"ter o( better tele%isio" 2ro!ra**i"!, the World Wide Wi'et Treas$re H$"t) :MALE A-CER& in *irae cosu5e ener 4ro5 L0 and R0 A cuou o4 a *irae s'i* is +0&0 Be"ow 'a is a 'u(e o*en reasure c'es wi' FIVE #IRL A-CER& 'idden under a (o"d c"o'0 TV A--O+-CER coninues as "i('s co5e u*0;

No&, (or the o-e"i"! "$*ber) &e -rese"t a" a$the"ti' traditio"al (ol da"'e o( the bold -irate (ol o( the S-a"ish Mai") da"'ed (or #o$r -leas$re b# the 8oll# Wi'ets a"d Wi'ettes 68> %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// G 8 7 T'e .o%o%o :Orc'esra; :A4er 1IRATE -+MBER, A-CER& c"ear +0&0, 'o"d 4ina" *osiions o4 dance as BI##LE., FI-C%, BRATT and TACKABERR. co5e on sa(e wi' 'e R0 sa(e TV uni0 T'ey 'a3e been wac'in( 'e dance on a e"e3ision se0; BI##LE. :&eaed;

What the hell &as that: FI-C% :&andin( 0R0 o4 BI##LE.;

I (ried (or so*e -rod$'tio" %al$e) Sssshhh) 7i%e it a 'ha"'e) Hed#9s 'o*i"! o" "o&) TV A--O+-CER

No& the *o*e"t #o$9%e all bee" &aiti"! (or the World Wide Wi'et Treas$re 7irl) ‐

G 9 7 %edy@s Fan4are :Orc'esra;

:%E. eners UM+&IC FA-FARE FA-FARE 4ro5 L0, 4o""owed by TWO WICKETTE #IRL& w'o sand on ei'er side be'ind 'er0 %E. b"ows kisses o audience0; BRATT :&andin( +0L0 o4 BI##LE.;

It9s be!i""i"! to !et *e) I9* be!i""i"! to &o"der &here the treas$re is, *#sel() TACKABERR. :+0L0 o4 FI-C%;

.eah, .eah, &here is it, 2o"t#: FI-C%

No, "o) Nobod# i" the &hole &orld "o&s b$t 0)B) a"d *#sel() Ri!ht, 0)B): BI##LE.

Ri!ht, 2o"t#) Ssshhhhh) %E.

Hello, there) Well, I9* abo$t to !i%e ! i%e #o$ the (irst 'l$e i" the World Wide Wide Wi'et Treas$re Treas$re H$"t) I" te" di((ere"t -la'es i" this !reat 'o$"tr# there are b$ried (i%e tho$sa"d shares o( sto', *ai"! a total o( (i(t# tho$sa"d shares i" all) Oooooh/ A"d "o& (or the (irst 'l$e) :M+&IC 4an4are0; TWO WICKETTE #IRL& :Reciin(;

The (irst 'l$e) :M+&IC FA-FARE; 68? %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// /////////////// G 9a 7 T'e Firs C"ue :Orc'esra; %E.

The (irst 'l$e is West o( the s$" 3 :A TV A--O+-CER inerru*s0; TV A--O+-CER

O"e *o*e"t, Treas$re Treas$re 7irl) :%E. "ooks u*0 MA- eners L0 carryin( a bi( Bib"e0 %e crosses R0 abo3e %E., 0 o 'er L0;

This !e"tle*a" is 'arr#i"! a Bible) Will #o$ -la'e #o$r ri!ht ha"d o" it) Miss LaR$e, do #o$ s&ear that there has bee" "o (i+i"! or ri!!i"! i" 'o""e'tio" &ith this sho&: :%E. "ooks sar"ed0;

A"d that the 'l$e #o$ are abo$t to !i%e is the tr$th, the &hole tr$th, (ree (ro* a"# tri'er#, 'hi'a"er# or disho"est#: :%E. is 3ery 'esian0; %E.

Is this a real Bible: TV A--O+-CER

Wh#, o( 'o$rse, Miss LaR$e BI##LE.

What9s the *atter &ith her: BRATT

She loos s$r-rised) FI-C%

She is Hed# did"9t "o& abo$t this) I &a"ted this -art o( the sho& to to be 'o*-letel# S-o"ta"eo$s a"d $"rehearsed) BI##LE.

That 'all be %er#, da"!ero$s) FI-C%

I thi" it9s %er# e((e'ti%e) TV A--O+-CER

Do #o$ s&ear to that, Miss LaR$e: %E. :%esian"y, 'and on Bib"e;

I do) :Re5o3ed %and; 68 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// /////////////// TV A--O+-CER

A"d se'o"dl#, Miss LaR$e, do #o$ s&ear that #o$ #o$rsel( do "ot "o& &here the treas$re is a't$all# hidde": Do #o$ s&ear to that, Miss LaR$e: Miss LaR$e: BI##LE.

.o$ .o $ see: We9re !oi"! to !et i"to tro$ble) FI-C%

Wh#: .o$ .o$ a"d I are the o"l# o"es &ho "o& &here the treas$re is hidde") She does"9t "o&) :ALL ME- "ook a BI##LE.0;

Does she: BI##LE. :Looks a ME-, 'en back a TV se;

Let9s &at'h the -ro!ra*) TV A--O+-CER

Miss LaR$e, do #o$ s&ear that #o$ do "ot a't$all# "o& &here the treas$re is hidde": %E.

Loo, I do "ot &ish to tae a b$* ra-) I &ill "ot s&ear (alse &it"ess to -er8$r#) I do "o& &here

the treas$re is) :Takes :Takes one se*4orward, "eanin( 4orward0;

I (o$"d o$t last "i!ht) There is treas$re hidde" i" all the World Wide Wi'et B$ildi"!s ri!ht "o&) :ME- sa(e i reac in 'orror0 BI##LE. co""a*ses in c'air0; c'air0; TWO WICKETTE #IRL& :Recie a(ain;

The (irst 'l$e ))) :%E. (oes L0, 4o""owed by #IRL& and MA-0; G 9b 7 isaser :Orc'esra; &cene ? :T%E WRECKE O+TER OFFICE0 In 'e b"ack we 'ear 'e BOOK VOICE0; BOOK VOICE

Ho& to Ha"dle a Disaster) 68 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////// /////////////// :T'e ouer o44ice is re3ea"ed wi' 'e "a5*s wised and urned, 'e desks o**"ed, y*ewriers on 'e 4"oor, addin( 5ac'ine a*e srewn a"" o3er, c'airs urned o3er0 T'e *"ace is in co5*"ee wrecka(e0 wrecka( e0 In 4roen ab"eau we 4ind Miss JO-E&, TACKABERR. TACKABERR. TO.-BEE, B+, JE-KI-&, AVI& AVI& and a COM1A-. 1OLICEMA1OLICEMA- 3iewin( 'e wrecka(e0 BOOK VOICE coninues0;

I" e%er# b$si"ess *a"9s 'areer, there are ti*es &he" thi"!s !o a bit &ro"!) We ha%e *a"# s$!!estio"s (or 'o-i"! &ith these little -roble*s) Ho&e%er, sho$ld #o$ be the 'a$se o( a disaster that9s reall# disastro$s, &e s$!!est that #o$r best bet is to re%ie& the (irst 'ha-ter o( this boo, Ho& To A--l# For a 8ob) :MI&& JO-E& and EHEC+TIVE& break ab"eau an d sar s*eakin(0; TACKABERR. :L0 o4 MI&& JO-E&;

Ha%e #o$ !$#s (o$"d Fi"'h #et: MI&& JO-E& :To TACKABERR.;

He see*s to ha%e disa--eared) TO.-BEE :L0 o4 TACKABERR.;

Ca"9t (i"d hi*) :%e eis L0 RO&EMAR. RO& EMAR. eners 4ro5 L0 durin( 'is and wac'es0; JE-KI-&

No, b$t &e9re looi"! (or hi*)

:Eis L0; AVI&

Ha%e"9t see" hi*) :Eis L0; :BRATT eners +0R0 4ro5 eecui3e suie0, crosses 0R0 o4 TACKABERR.; BRATT

Where9s Fi"'h: TACKABERR.

I do"9t "o&, Bratt) BRATT

Well, 0)B) &a"ts hi* as (ast as #o$ 'a" (i"d hi*) He9s ho--i"! *ad) :WOM1ER co5es runnin( on 4ro5 L0 wi' COM1A-. 1OLICEMA- c'asin( 'i50; COM1A-. 1OLICEMA:L0 O4 WOM1ER;

Co*e ba' here, #o$) 69 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BRATT :Takes 1OLICEMA-@& ar5 4ro5 around WOM1ER;

What are #o$ doi"!: COM1A-. 1OLICEMA-

It9s a"other treas$re h$"ter) This little "$t tried to s"ea -ast *e three ti*es) BRATT

This little "$t is the 'hair*a" o( the board) :WOM1ER (i3es BRATT a "ook0;

It9s Mr) Wo*-er) COM1A-. 1OLICEMA:&ars o44 L0;

Chair*a" o( the board) The# all loo alie to *e) :%e eis L0; BRATT

I9* %er# sorr# this ha--e"ed, Mr) Wo*-er) :WOM1ER us "ooks a 'i50;

I( #o$9ll 'o*e &ith *e, Mr) BI77LE. is i" his o((i'e) L$'il# the# did"9t &re' that) :WOM1ER sars o44 LLR0 ino eecui3e suie, 4o""owed by BRATT and TACKABERR.0 BRATT addresses Miss Jones0;

Kee- looi"! (or Fi"'h) :T'ey ei ino eecui3e suie0; MI&& JO-E& :&eein( RO&EMAR. L0 o4 C0;

Oh, Rose*ar#, ha%e #o$ see" 2o"t#:

RO&EMAR.

No, Miss 0o"es, a"d I9* so &orried abo$t hi*) MI&& JO-E&

So a* I) He &as a "i'e bo#) :&ars o44 I; RO&EMAR.

Was: What &ill the# do to hi*: MI&& JO-E&

I do"9t "o&) So*ebod#9s head has to roll) :&'e 5akes bow"in( (esure, 'en eis +0R0 ino eecui3e suie0; 696 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// G 96 7 I Be"ie3e In .ou :Rose5ary; RO&EMAR. :Le4 a"one, crosses 0R;

2o"t# &ill thi" o( so*ethi"!, &o"9t 2o"t#) .OU HA4E THE COOL CLEAR E.ES OF A SEEKER OF WISDOM AND TRUTH> .ET THERE9S THAT U2TURNED CHIN, AND THE 7RIN OF IM2ETUOUS .OUTH) OH, I BELIE4E IN .OU, I BELIE4E IN .OU) :FI-C% eners 4ro5 L0 RO&EMAR. rus'es ino 'is ar5s0; RO&EMAR.

2orit#, 2o"t#/ :T'ey e5brace0; FI-C%

I9* so !lad #o$9re here) RO&EMAR.

Where ha%e #o$ bee": FI-C%

Oh, &ali"! the streets, thi"i"!, thi"i"!) RO&EMAR. :Touc'in( 'is 4ore'ead;

.o$9%e !ot a br$ise o" #o$r head) FI-C%

It9s "othi"!) I !ot it last "i!ht) The# thre& *e o$t o( a saloo") RO&EMAR. :%orri4ied;

Wh# did the# do that: FI-C%

Be'a$se I did"9t b$# a"#thi"!) RO&EMAR.

The br$tes) Wh# do"9t #o$ !o ho*e:

FI-C%

No, I9%e !ot to !o i" a"d (a'e the *$si') :B+ sicks 'is 'ead ou o4eecui3e suie, sees F I-C%, *oins a B+; B+

Ahhah/ :%e eis ino eecui3e suie0; 698 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C% :Crosses R0 be"ow RO&EMAR., "ooks a 'e wrecked o44ice;

Well, this is it) RO&EMAR.

The 'hair*a" o( the board is i" there) FI-C%

I (i!$red that) RO&EMAR.

What are #o$ !oi"! to do: FI-C% :Crosses L0 be"ow 'er0;

Do: What does a *a" do &he" the &orld has 'olla-sed aro$"d his ears : Nothi"!) I9ll 8$st tae &hat9s 'o*i"! to *e) RO&EMAR.

2o"t#, I "o& &ith that *i"d o( #o$rs ))) FI-C%

No, Rose*ar#, I9* -$tti"! that *i"d o( *i"e a&a#) I9* 8$st !oi"! to *ae a 'lea" breast o( e%er#thi"! a"d !o ba' to &hat I &as be(ore I 'a*e here) RO&EMAR.

What &ere #o$: FI-C%

I &as a" e+terior de'orator) :Cac'es 'i5se"40;

Ihere I !o a!ai") I 'a"9t e%e" tell #o$ the tr$th) I &as a &i"do& &asher) RO&EMAR.

So &hat: I do"9t 'are &hat #o$ do, 2o"t#, I9* sti'i"!) I &aled o$t o" #o$ o"'e) FI-C%

.o$ did: RO&EMAR.

Well, I9* "ot lea%i"! #o$ a!ai") FI-C%

Rose*ar#, #o$ 'a"9t be the &i(e o( a &i"do& &asher) That9s "o li(e (or a &o*a" si(ti"! at ho*e

&hile I9* $- there, "e%er "o&i"! i( I9%e la"ded sa(el#) RO&EMAR.

No& liste" to *e, Fi"'h ))) :B+ eners 4ro5 eecui3e suie wi' FO+R ME-0 T'ey re5ain on se*s0 B+ crosses 0 R0 o C0; 699 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// B+

Fi"'h, #o$9re &a"ted " 0)B)9s o((i'e) FI-C%

I o$!ht I9d &ash $- (irst) B+

The# &a"t #o$ "o&) FI-C% :Crosses R0;

7ee, 'a"9t I e%e" sa# !ood b#e to Rose*ar#: ‐

B+

7o ahead) FI-C% :Turns L0 o RO&EMAR.;

Rose*a1# !ood b#e) ‐

B+ :Cuin( in;

Co*e alo"!) FI-C%

B$t, I))) :Turns, crosses +0 on o 'e se*s, urns back and sees 'eDs surrounded by 'e FO+R ME-, s'ru(s s'ou"ders0;

F* sorr#, Rose*ar#) I &ish "o"e o( this had e%er ha--e"ed) :Eis +0R0 4o""owed by 'e FO+R ME-0; RO&EMAR. :&ars o run a4er 'i5;

2o"t#/ :B+ sands in 'er way0 &'e so*s0 B+ eis +0R0; G 98 7 oo5 :Orc'esra; &cene  :T%E ELEVATOR LA-I-#0 On rise we see T%REE #IRL& on eac' side o4 'e sa(e 'o"din( 'andkerc'ie4s, sad"y wac'in( as B+ eners R0, 4o""owed by FI-C% surrounded by 'e FO+R ME-0 T'ey &o* L0 o4 C0; 69<

%OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// B+ :Crosses R0 beween wo 5en o FI-C%;

Loo, 2o"t# &h# the hell sho$ld #o$ (a'e those *o"sters: 7o ahead, r$" a&a#) Es'a-e) I9ll -rete"d I did"9t see #o$) For a$ld la"! s#"e) FI-C%

No, I9* !oi"! to (a'e the* a"d !et it o%er &ith) I sho$ld thi" #o$9d be ha--# i( the# illed *e) :B+ crosses L0 o 'is 4or5er *osiion0; B+

I( I 'o$ld o"l# be s$re) :T'ey 5arc' o44 L0 #IRL& ei L0 and R0; &cene  :BI##LE.D& OFFICE0 WOM1ER is *acin( back and 4or'0 Miss JO-E& is seaed :+0L0 on 'e so4a0 To 'er ri(' is TACKABERR.0 A-OT%ER #RO+1 o4 EHEC+TIVE& sandin( &a(e R0 BI##LE. is sandin( L0 o4 'is desk0 BRATT eners L0, 4o""owed b y 1ETER&O- and JE-KI-&0; BRATT :Crosses o L0 o4 BI##LE.;

All o( o$r e# *e" are here, 0)B) :To 1ETER&O- and JE-KI-& a 'is L0;

7e"tle*e", #o$ "o& Mr) Wall# Wo*-er, the 'hair*a" o( the board) :T'ey nod o WOM1ER, w'o us "ooks a 'e50 1ETER&O- crosses +0 o MI&& JO-E&0; BI##LE. :Crosses R0 o WOM1ER;

No&, Wall#, let *e tell #o$ be(ore &e !o a"# ($rther that I reali1e that I9* the -reside"t o( this 'o*-a"#, the *a" &ho is res-o"sible (or e%er#thi"! that !oes o" here) So I9d lie to state ri!ht "o& that a"#thi"! that ha--e"ed is "ot *# (a$lt) There9s o"e bri!ht side to this &hole thi"!, Wall#) .o$9ll be ha--# to "o& that &e9%e !ot so*ebod# to -i" it o") :Turns o BRATT;

Ha%e #o$ (o$"d Fi"'h #et: BRATT

The#9re bri"!i"! hi* i") BI##LE.

7ood) Wall#, #o$9ll soo" see &here the res-o"sibilit# (or the &hole thi"! lies) Whe" he !ets here,

I9ll do all the tali"!) This is a %er# sli' #o$"!ster Wall# 69= %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :B+ eners dra((in( FI-C% 4o""owed by 'e FO+R EHEC+TIVE& w'o cross +0L0 a"on(side Miss JO-E&0; B+ :To BI##LE.;

He9s here, sir) :Crosses R0 be"ow desk o ME- sa(e R0 JE-KI-& crosses abo3e desk and oins 'i50; FI-C% :L0 o4 C0;

Mr) Bi!!le#, I9d ))) BI##LE. :Cuin( in 4as;

Ne%er *i"d, I9ll do the tali"!) Oh, b# the &a#, #o$9%e "e%er *et Mr) Wo*-er) This is the 'hair*a" o( the board) FI-C%

Ho& do #o$ do, Mr) Wo*-er: :&ars R0;

Mr) Wo*-er, I9d lie to BI##LE. :&o**in( 'i5;

No s-ee'hes, Fi"'h) It9s all settled) I &a"t #o$ to si!" a si*-le little letter o( resi!"atio", i" &hi'h #o$ a''e-t all the bla*e (or &hat ha--e"ed) :BRATT crosses 0 o L0 o4 FI-C%, 'ands 'i5 *en and "eer o4 resi(naion0; FI-C%

Oa#, Mr) Bi!!le#, I9ll be !lad to) :Takes *en and "eer4ro5 BRATT; BI##LE.

What9s that: :Crosses L0 o FI-C%0; FI-C%

I9ll do &hat #o$ said) :ALL "ook a eac' o'er0; BI##LE.

.o$ S$re this is"9t o"e o( #o$r tri's: FI-C%

No, Mr) Bi!!le#, I9* thro$!h &ith all that) .o$ see, this (ir* has bee" -rett# !ood to *e) No& I9* !oi"! to resi!", tae the bla*e a"d !o ba' to &hat I did be(ore I 'a*e here)

69> %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BI##LE. :&i5*"e curiosiy;

What did #o$ do, Fi"'h: FI-C% :A4er a *ause;

I &as a &i"do& &asher) WOM1ER

No iddi"9) I started as a &i"do& &asher *#sel() :T'is is 'e 4irs i5e WOM1ER 'as s*oken0 I co5es 4ro5 "e4 4ie"d0 T'ey a"" urn and "ook a WOM1ER0 FI-C% urns4ron and s5i"es, 'en urns (race4u""y o BRATT and 'ands back *en and "eer o4 resi(naion0 BRATT "ooks sunned0 %e *us away 'is *en, "eer o4 resi(naion and crosses +0L0 o i o4 MI&& JO-E&0; BI##LE. :Turns R0;

.o$ did: WOM1ER :Crosses L0;

What the hell did #o$ thi" I &as a rail s-litter: ‐

:BI##LE. crosses +0L o L0 o4 BRATT0 WOM1ER dis(used"y re4ers o BI##LE.0;

Colle!e *a") :To FI-C%0;

So #o$ &ere a &i"do& &asher) :ME- (a'er around B+ sa(e R0 ME- (a'er around BI##LE. sa(e L0; FI-C%

.es, Mr) Wo*-er) WOM1ER

Call *e Wall#) FI-C%

Oa#, Wall#) WOM1ER

Tell *e, Fi"'h ))) FI-C%

Call *e 2o"t#) WOM1ER

Oa#, 2o"t#) Bo#, it9s bee" a lo"! ti*e si"'e I had so*eo"e aro$"d here I Ho& did #o$ ha--e" to !o i"to this b$si"ess: 69? %OW

TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C%

Well, sir, I had a boo WOM1ER

.eah: Me, too) FI-C%

It &as a boo o" ho& to s$''eed i" b$si"ess) WOM1ER

M# boo &as *ore $se($l) I booed bets (or all the other &i"do& &ashers) I 'lea"ed $- a b$"dle) :Crosses R0, "ooks a ME- sa(e R0;

I sho$ld9%e stood i" that b$si"ess Ei!ht b$ildi"!s &re'ed, o$r sto' is do&" (i%e -oi"ts) We9re the la$!hi"! sto' o( the i"d$str#) FI-C%

I "o&, Wall#) It9s !hastl#) WOM1ER

2o"t#, ho& did this ha--e": I 'o$ld $"dersta"d a 'olle!e *a" -$lli"! a bo"er lie this, b$t "ot "o &i"do& &asher) No& this idea o( #o$rs))) FI-C%

Hold it, Wall#) :Crosses R0 o WOM1ER0;

I( there9s o"e thi"! I &o"9t do, it9s tae 'redit (or a"other *a"9s idea) Es-e'iall# &he" he9s the boss9s "e-he&) :WOM1ER "ooks u*0 FI-C% crosses L0 EVER.BO. 5o3es L0 away 4ro5 B+, "ea3in( 'i5 a"one sa(e R0; WOM1ER :Crosses R0 o C0, "ooks a B+, urns o BI##LE.;

.o$ "e%er told *e #o$ hired #o$r "e-he&) BI##LE.

Ne-he&: Oh, "e-he&) :Crosses 0R0 o WOM1ER0;

He9s "ot reall# *# "e-he& he9s *# Wi(e9s "e-he&) This *a# see* lie "e-otis*, Wall#, b$t it9s "ot) I9%e "e%er sho&" hi* a"# (a%oritis*) I" (a't, I hate hi*) ‐

WOM1ER

B$t #o$ lo%e his ideas) BI##LE.

No/ Whe" he (irst told *e the idea I tho$!ht it &as a lo$s# idea) :Crosses L0 and *oins a FI-C%0;

The" &he" Fi"'h bro$!ht it to *e I still said it &as a lo$s# idea) A"d I told Fi"'h it

&as a lo$s# idea) 69 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// WOM1ER :Crosses L0 wo &e*s;

Wh# did #o$ b$# it: BI##LE.

It see*ed lie a !ood idea) WOM1ER :Turns away, crosses R0 wo se*s;

Treas$re h$"ts ) ) ) treas$re !irls ))) BI##LE. :&udden"y de4ensi3e;

Well, dressed it all $-) He 'a"9t de"# that the idea (or the Treas$re 7irl &as his) :Crosses +0L0 ino #RO+1 OF ME-0; ME-

That9s ri!ht, 0)B) .o$ tell 9e*, 0)B) That9s the &a#, 0)B) :ec0, ec0;

;WOM2ER loos at FINCH)< FI-C% :Crosses R0 o WOM1ER,;

Well, that &as *# idea) WOM1ER

A"d "ot a bad o"e, b$t &ho the hell -i'ed that b$bble headed to*ato: ‐

:FI-C% crosses 0R0 be"ow WOM1ER0 -ow EVER.O-E 5o3es away R0 and L0 4ro5 BI##LE., "ea3in( 'i5 a"one L0 WOM1ER "ooks a BI##LE.0; WOM1ER :-oddin(, "ooks +0L0;

Uh h$h) BI##LE. :Crosses 0 o Wo5*er;

Wall#, I do"9t &a"t #o$ to !et a"# &ro"! ideas) This is a %er# "i'e !irl) .o$ o$!ht to tal to her) WOM1ER

I i"te"d to) :Crosses R0, "ooks a 5en R0;

Well, I thi" I9%e !ot the &hole -i't$re) No& the $estio" is &hat to do a"d &ho to do it to) :&is in BI##LE.D& c'air C0; 69 %OW

TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C% :Crosses L0 o WOM1ER;

No& &ait a *i"$te, Wall#) Be(ore #o$ *ae a"# hast# de'isio" 3 :BI##LE. Crosses L0 O4 C0;

I9d lie to sa# a (e& &ords) :ALL ME- 5o3e down0; WOM1ER

Abo$t &hat: FI-C%

H$*a"it#) :WOM1ER swi3e"s c'air o 4ace +0 &0; G99 7 T'e Bro'er'ood o4 Man :Finc', Wo5*er, Bi(("ey, Miss Jones, Men; :FI-C%;

.o$ see, Wall#, e%e" tho$!h &e9re all -art o( the 'old 'or-orate set$- ))) dee- do&" $"der o$r si"s there is (lesh a"d blood) We9re all brothers) BI##LE. :0L0, si('s;

So*e o( $s are $"'les) FI-C% :R o4 C0;

NOW, .OU MA. 0OIN THE ELKS, M. FRIEND, AND I MA. 0OIN THE SHRINERS) AND OTHER MEN MA. CARR. CARDS AS MEMBERS OF THE DINERS) STILL OTHERS WEAR A 7OLDEN KE., OR SMALL 7REEK LETTER 2IN) B UT I HA4E LEARNED THERE9S ONE 7REAT CLUB THAT ALL OF US ARE IN) :Ju5*s on desk0;

THERE IS A BROTHERHOOD OF MAN, A BENE4OLENT BROTHERHOOD OF MAN> A NOBLE TIE THAT BINDS ALL HUMAN HEARTS AND MINDS INTO ONE BROTHERHOOD OF MAN) :ME- (a'er around desk, ece* 4or B+ and BI##LE.0;

.OUR LIFE LON7 MEMBERSHI2 IS FREE) KEE2 A 7I4IN7 EACH BROTHER ALL .OU CAN) OH, AREN9T .OU 2ROUD TO BE IN THAT FRATERNIT.> ‐

‐

6< %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-#

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// :ALL *"ace 'ands o3er 'ears0; :FI-C%;

THE 7REAT, BI7 BROTHERHOOD OF MAN: :ME- cross away L0 and R0; :FI-C% &*eakin(;

So, Wall#, I &a"t #o$ to re*e*ber that, be(ore #o$ 'o"sider (iri"! Mr) Bi!!le#) :BRATT crosses 0 o BI##LE. wi' "eer o4 resi(naion and *en0; BI##LE.

Who9s 'o"sideri"! that: :1us'es BRATT away; FI-C% :&i"" on desk;

.o$ see, Wall#, I "o& &hat9s o" #o$r *i"d) .o$9d lie to 'lear o$t the &hole 'ro&d (ro* to- to botto*) :J+M1& i o44 desk0;

That9s the ob%io$s *o%e) B$t sto- a"d thi" ))) :To AVI&, 0R0; :&in(s;

ONE MAN MA. SEEM INCOM2ETENT, :To TO.-BEE, L0 o4 AVI&0;

ANOTHER NOT MAKE SENSE, :To B+, L0 o4 TO.-BEE0;

WHILE OTHERS LOOK LIKE UITE A WASTE OF COM2AN. E52ENSE) THE. NEED A BROTHER9S LEADERSHI2, :Be"ow ME- sa(e i;

SO 2LEASE DON9T DO THEM IN> :Crosses L0 o WOM1ER0;

REMEMBER, MEDIOCRIT. IS NOT A MORTAL SIN) THE.9RE EHEC+TIVE&

WE9RE FI-C%

IN3 EHEC+TIVE&

IN3 6<6 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C%

THE)))

EHEC+TIVE&

THE))) ALL ME-

BROTHERHOOD OF MAN> DEDICATED TO 7I4IN7 ALL WE CAN) FI-C%

OH, AREN9T .OU 2ROUD TO BE IN THAT FRATERNIT.> :ALL c"a* 'ands0; ALL ME-

THE 7REAT BI7 BROTHERHOOD OF MAN: :ALL c"a* 'ands0 WOM1ER crosses 0, urns and "ooks a ME- sa(e R0 T'ey so* c"a**in(0 %e urns and "ooks a ME- sa(e L0 ALL &o* c"a**in( bu B+, w'o is "e4 c"a**in( a"one0 BI##LE. a B+D& L0, (rabs 'is s"iands and so*s 'i50 WOM1ER 'en crosses  0 C0; WOM1ER

NO KIDDIN9/ :&in(s;

IS THERE REALL. A BROTHERHOOD ))) BI##LE. A- EHEC+TIVE&0

.ES, .OU9RE A BROTHER> WOM1ER

))) OF MAN: BI##LE. A- EHEC+TIVE&

.OU ARE A BROTHER/ WOM1ER

ON THE LE4EL, A BROTHERHOOD OF MAN: ALL

OH .ES, OH .ES) A NOBLE TIE THAT BINDS ALL HUMAN HEARTS AND MINDS WOM1ER

INTO ONE BROTHERHOOD OF MAN) ALL

OH, .ES, .OUR LIFE LON7 MEMBERSHI2 IS FREE> KEE2 A 7I4IN9 EACH BROTHER ALL .OU CAN) OH, AREN9T .OU3 ‐

‐

6<8 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// WOM1ER A- ME- MI&& JO-E& :Crosses +0, c"i5bs ono desk;

2ROUD TO BE .OU3 .OU 7OT ME IN THAT FRATERNIT.> ME 3 I 7OT

THE 7REAT, BI7 .OU OO BROTHERHOOD OF MAN: .OU OO) ‐

‐

:ME- 4ace +0&0 and surround desk0; MI&& JO-E&

OH, THAT NOBLE FEELIN7, FEELS LIKE BELLS ARE 2EALIN7, DOWN WITH DOUBLE DEALIN7> OH, BROTHER) .OU ))) .OU 7OT ME ME ))) I 7OT .OU OO, .OU OO) ‐

‐

:WOM1ER and FI-C% do "i"e a* rouine0; ALL :&o4"y;

OH, THAT NOBLE FEELIN7, FEELS LIKE BELLS ARE 2EALIN7, DOWN WITH DOUBLE DEALIN7> OH, BROTHER/ .OU ))).OU 7OT ME ME ))) I 7OT .OU OO, .OU OO) OH, THAT NOBLE FEELIN7, ‐

‐

:ALL s*read ou on sa(e and c"a* 'ands0 A-CER& do crosso3er0;

FEELS LIKE BELLS ARE 2EALIN7, DOWN WITH DOUBLE DEALIN7> OH, BROTHER) .OU ))).OU 7OT ME ME ))) I 7OT .OU OO, .OU OO) ‐

‐

:BI##LE. c"i5bs on desk R0 o4 Miss Jones0;

.OUR LIFE LON7 MEMBERSHI2 IS FREE) KEE2 A 7I4IN7 EACH BROTHER ALL .OU CAN) OH, AREN9T .OU 2ROUD TO BE IN THAT FRATERNIT.> THE 7REAT BI7 BROTHERHOOD OF MAN) ‐

‐

:ALL s'ake 'ands0; 6<9 %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// G 9< 7 More oo5 :Orc'esra; &cene A :TRAVELER0 &O+- o4 R+M&0 B+ eners L, crosses s"ow"y, surrounded by 'e FO+R MEw'o ear"ier acco5*anied FI-C%0 B+ so*s R0 o4 C0, urns and addresses 5en0; B+ :Crosses L0 o FIR&T MA-;

7i%e *e a brea)

:Crosses +0L0 o &ECO- MA-;

We &ere al&a#s the best o( (rie"ds, Ma+) :Wa3es 'and in 4ron o4 &ECO- MA- w'o does no reac0 Crosses +0R0 o T%IR MA-0;

Re*e*ber the ($", the dates, Er"est: :Lau('s0 Crosses 0R0 o 4our' 5an0;

.o$ I "e%er lied) :Addresses ALL;

Loo, I 'o$ld *ae it) %orth #o$r &hile) :Reac'es ino *ockes, *u""s 'e5 ou e5*y;

No, I 'a"9t/ It does"9t -a# to be de'e"t) :Fa""s o 4"oor0;

Well, I9* "ot !oi"! to !o) :ME- *ick 'i5 u*, sar o44 R0;

No, "o, #o$ 'a"9t *ae *e/ I9* too #o$"! to !o) I9* 8$st a bo#) Ill !et si'/ &cene 6 :T%E O+TER OFFICE0 On rise OFFICE 1ER&O--EL are 5i""in( around, (ossi*in(0 &MITT. eners0 R0, Crosses o C000 ; MI&& KR+M%OLT2 :L0 o4 C0;

He#, S*itt#, a"# "e&s #et &MITT.

I ha%e"9t heard a thi"! #et :JE-KI-& eners L0;

Oh, Mr) 0e"i"s ha%e #o$ heard a"#thi"! #et: 6<< %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// JE-KI-& :As 'e 'eads 4or eecui3e suie +0R0;

Do"9t "o& a thi"! #et) MI&& KR+M%OLT2

Loos lie a bi! shae$-) :JE-KI-& is so**ed on sairs +0R0 by BRATT enerin( 4ro5 eecui3e suie, 4o""owed by TACKABERR.0; BRATT

Bo#s a"d !irls, *a# I ha%e a &ord) :T'ey a"" urn o "isen0;

As #o$ "o&, there ha%e bee" a (e& 'ha"!es *ade at World Wide Wi'ets) I a* s-eai"! to #o$ "o& i" *# "e& 'a-a'it# as %i'e -reside"t i" 'har!e o( E*-lo#ee Morale a"d 2s#'holo!i'al

Ad8$st*e"t) Mr) Ta'aberr# here is "o& i" 'har!e o( 2erso""el) :TACKABERR. nods, crosses 0 se*s, s'akes 'ands wi' JE-KI-&0;

No& I &o$ld lie #o$ to hear a (e& &ords (ro* o$r hard dri%i"!, hard &ori"! -reside"t) ‐

‐

:BI##LE. eners L0R0, 4o""owed by MI&& JO-E&0;

0)B) Bi!!le#) :OFFICE &TAFF a**"auds0 MI&& JO-E& crosses 0 o 4oo o4 4irs row o4 0&0 desks0; BI##LE. :Crosses 0R0 o4 C0;

I 'a" tr$l# state that World Wide Wi'ets is "o& stro"!er tha" e%er) A"d I (eel a lot o( the 'redit sho$ld !o to a 'ertai" bri!ht a"d %er# lo#al #o$"! *a") Co*e o$t here, Fi"'h) :FI-C% eners JR0 OFFICE &TAFF a**"auds0 BI##LE. crosses 0R0;

As #o$ "o&, this #o$"!ster9s rise has bee" s-e'ta'$larl# ra-id) As a *atter o( (a't, (or a &hile I be!a" to thi" he &as a(ter *# 8ob) :BI##LE. "au('s0 FI-C% and o'er OFFICE 1ER&O--EL "au(' wi' 'i50;

B$t, l$'il# (or *e, he did"9t &a"t it) :Lau('s a(ain0; FI-C% :Lau('in(;

No, 0)B), #o$r 8ob is *$'h too to$!h (or *e) :Crosses L0 be"ow BI##LE.0;

B$t I &o$ld lie to sa#, that i( a"# 'redit is d$e, it sho$ld !o to a !reat *ar9 a"d a !reat h$*a"itaria", the 'hair*a" o( the board, Mr) Wall# Wo*-er) 6<= %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// BI##LE.

Hear hear) FI-C%

I"'ide"tall#> (ols, Mr Wo*-er has his 'har*i"! &i(e &ith hi* toda# Let 9s !et the* both o$t here) Mr) a"d Mrs) Wo*-er) :WOM1ER and %E. Co5e ou +0R0, Cross R0 o4 C0 #RO+1 a**"auds0 FI-C% crosses R0 o 'e50; FI-C%

Mr) Wo*-er told *e he did"9t (eel lie *ai"! a"# s-ee'hes) He9s still a "e&l#&ed) B$t, I ha%e a s$r-rise a""o$"'e*e"t to *ae abo$t hi*) :Crosses L0 o C0;

WaIl% Wo*-er has de'ided that a(ter his lo"! #ears o( ser%i'e, he9s !oi"! to retire as 'hair*a" o( the board a"d he a"d his &i(e are !oi"! to tae a lo"! ho"e#*oo" tri-

aro$"d the &orld) %E. :R0 o4 Wo5*er;

S&eetie, &hat a s$r-rise/ .o$ did"9t tell *e) WOM1ER :&unned;

I did"9t "o&) :FI-C% crosses +0L0 and is surrounded by 'e #IRL&0;

Well, &hat the hell) It9s "ot a bad idea, at that) :Runs o %E.;

I9ll 'o"'e"trate o" #o$) BI##LE. :Crosses R0 o WOM1ER0;

Walls9, &ho9s !oi"! to be the "e& 'hair*a" o( the board as i( I did"9t "o&: :BI##LE. "ooks L0 ALL OFFICE 1ER&O--EL sa(e L0 &*"i L0 and R0, iso"ain( FI-C%0; FI-C%

0$st a *o*e"t) I do"9t "o& i( I 'a" a''e-t) I9ll ha%e to 'o"s$lt Mrs) Fi"'h) :&MITT. crosses L0 be"ow FI-C% o #IRL& 0L0; &MITT.

Rose*ar#, #o$r h$sba"d is 'alli"! #o$) G 8
HALLELU0AH/ :RO&EMAR. eners L0, crosses o FI-C% C0; 6<> %OW TO &+CCEE I- B+&I-E&& WIT%O+T REALL. TR.I-# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// FI-C%

Rose*ar#, I9%e !ot a bi! de'isio" to *ae) The# &a"t to *ae *e 'hair*a" o( the hoard) What do #o$ thi": RO&EMAR.

Darli"!, I do"9t 'are i( #o$ &or i" the *ailroo* or #o$9re 'hair*a" o( the board or #o$9re 2reside"t o( the U"ited States, I lo%e #o$) FI-C%

;T$r"s (ro"t< Sa# that a!ai") RO&EMAR.

I lo%e #o$) FI-C%

H2S Libretto

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