CASE REPORT #935 Patient: Joseph Kadmon Joseph Kadmon
IIT COLLEGE OF PSYCHOLOGY Doctor: Samual H. Webber Ph. D
WARD 22
November 27, 2012
FIELD DIAGNOSIS: The patient appears to suffer from an intricate though critical psychosis, pronounced by bouts of intense anxiety, reality augmentation and hallucination. My initial opinion is that of an advanced state of paranoid schizophrenia. Joseph seems to have become convinced of a parallel world that is both a part of reality, as well as occuring in the distant future. He reconciles this gap by the use of nonexistient pseudoscience as a key device in the congruity of his delusions. Joseph is atypical in that the illness is not seen to run in his family and he does not hold a history of any psychoactive drug use. Mr. Kadmon hails from a priveledged and highly educated background, having been a Harvard sound-technician and professional pianist for many years prior. Uncovering the cause of his break has become my priority. ISSUED PRESCRIPTIONS: - Zyprexa Olanzipine (25 MG) - Xomolix (10 MG) - Xanax (5 MG) SIDE NOTES: I have come to feel a purely professional attachment to this case and would like to be permitted to work with Joseph exclusively for the remainder of his scheduled psychiatric sessions. Sincerely, Dr. Webber
ENTRY #1 Upon introducing myself to Joseph he seemed very happy and excited to meet me. This may indicate that he is partially aware of his condition and that he would like to cooperate with the staff and myself in becoming well. He says that he has been looking for me, specifically, for close to a year now. This is not uncommon within sufferers of his particular type as they will begin to see any figure they view as helpful in an almost archetypal way in an effort to convince their own psychosis of accepting it into the augmented world. Indeed, any new addition to the puzzle must be fit in accordingly so that their delusions remain seamless and convincing. Despite the fact that this may comfort him, we must encourage him to ultimately leave the fabrication behind in favor of the real world. Joseph regularly refers to himself as the Alpha, and myself as the Omega. He assures me that we are two halves that will unite sometime in the near future. This sense of duality, or mirroring, is common within his particular augmentation. His desire to unite with that which he sees as a doorway out of his delusions is a good sign, and signifies his will towards recovery. Despite his unfortunate condition, he is respectful and kind, and in my opinion, highly intelligent. He appears to know a great deal about musical theory, even down to the specific wave patterns which are characteristic of many frequencies and tones. He will often talk for hours about these interests without any lapse in his perception. He holds many ideas and theories regarding sound which at first appear to be firmly rooted in science, and are brilliant at times. If Joseph was not so afflicted by his condition, he may have went on to become an outstanding inventor. I feel empathy for him in this regard. I hope that his genius might be allowed to prosper. Discussions regarding the here and now are the ones in where he is most comfortable and less anxious. Although he is capable of contemplating what he will do next year, his charming and talkative nature meets with a brick wall as soon as he is asked to contemplate any period in time after the next five years. This detail is perhaps a key to unlocking the core of his condition. Note: Personal trauama 5 years ago, now distanced from himself?
ENTRY #2 The Xanax has significantly improved Joseph ’s reasonable and calm state of mind. We seem to be getting somewhere now. If his anxiety is what blocked him from talking about his augmentation and possible trauma then I may be tempted to up the dose to 10 MG as the sessions continue. He no longer weeps and figets when the topic of the future is brought up. Instead, he appears to enter an emotionless state of calm and acceptance. This may indicate that, without his imposed wall of anxiety he may have come to accept the irrational nature of the non-reality which haunts him. His ability to face it is the first step towards any psychiatric progress. Today, Joseph related to me what he thinks will happen in the next five years. He says that Heaven will reject us and cause us to fall from grace. He says that 96% of all people on the earth will perish due to this and will be forced to create an artificial Heaven in order to sustain themselves. Joseph had never struck me as a religious man, and there is no sign to indicate that he is. When asked if he believes in God, he responds, “I am not among the same” . Mr. Kadmon, despite his use of terminology, appears to be a staunch atheist. If it were not for this lack of faith then I would say that we were very similar in tastes, as I too am an avid pianist. I believe that the keyboard I keep in my office office helps Joseph to feel at home. On the topic of God, Joseph asked if he could play for me one of the religious songs he learned about. I was expecting something like Amazing Grace, but the song that Joseph played, if it could be called a song at all, was a repetitious playing of four lower minor notes without any real song structure to it, or perhaps a perfect structure in that it was merely repeated without deviation. I likened it to a poorly written commercial jingle. Joseph agreed with me, although I was assured that it was a smash hit. Maybe it was our shared appreciation of music, or the Xanax and antipsychotics, but he was finally beginning to open up to me. Notes: The song that Joseph played filled me with chills. I had to check the thermostat after the 5 th loop and check if the heat was off. I did not mention it to Joseph, but it was something which I could not explain at the time.
ENTRY #3 Joseph seems to have stabilized with his medication. His anxiety levels have dropped to a minimum and the wall which was keeping his augmentation seperated from himself seems to no longer pose any personal threat. We talked about his favorite subject again, soundwaves, and his notion that the world we live in is composed of them, almost like a classical piano piece that only nature could play correctly. I told him that it was a beautiful theory. Joseph says that all biological systems operate in the same frequency range, between 6 and 8 hertz, and that the electrical resonance of the earth is also between 6 and 8 hertz. Furthermore, he says that it’s the electrical heartbeat of the earth itself which holds these systems into place and generates our unique consciousness, and what we might call the human soul. Joseph appears assured that the soul exists, although not in any religious sense, but rather that it is the thing inside of us which the earth generates that allows us to be who we are, feel what we feel, and hold the faith that we ’re a part of a larger system that loves and protects us. When asked if he believes that the earth is God, Joseph again replied “I am not among the same.” I took just a little offense to this, being a devout Christian, but did not allow it to get in the way of our session. It is my opinion that Joseph sees all religious people as being without any sense of individuality at some deep level. I have written this off as a product of his own delusions. Later, he asked if I would like to know the number of God, to which I placatingly agreed. He says that the number of God is precisely 528, which he says equates to a 528 hertz wave which, for him, is being generated at some distant facility both in the present and the future. When asked how this could be, Joseph says that the wave is weak at this time within our own present, but is being sent back to the past due to its location at the south pole of the earth, which he says is strong enough to travel through time and space. In Joseph’s augmentation, the earths frequency is also that which creates our perceptions of time and space, but in the future, it will be man-made and artificial due to an impending catastrophy which he is still reluctant to speak of.
ENTRY #3 We’re in a session, I am writing this down as it goes. J: I am the meeting of the zero and the one, the alpha and omega. The key to the doors of perception. You have to try your best, Doc. You can’t go on like this. I came here to find you because you were calling out, now you have to accept who you really are. Me: Who do you think I am, Joseph? J: Your on the inside. I’m on the outside. We’re seperated by the mirror. I’m sorry, Doc, but I think I might be the cause of all this. It might all happen because of me. They were looking for someone to read the wave-decay they picked up in the sky. Wave entanglement. From that, we could discern where it was coming from. I’m not a headcase, Doc, I’m just ahead of your time. Me: What do you think is going to happen, Joseph? J: The hertz pattern will collapse due to a polar shift. Atleast that ’s what we think it is. We were probably wrong. This has all happened before, but never like this. No, this will be something different. It works in 2000 year intervals. With each proceeding cycle the pattern grows stronger. In our case, the 6 to 8 hertz safety net will collapse, and we’ll be forced to make a new one, but it could never be the same. You’re a religious man, right? What do you think really lives underneath of the friendly exterior of all that? What do you think it would become if it was amplified a thousand fold? It ’s not just religion either, that’s just an example. Look at the blinds you have there in the window. What do you see there? Me: I don’t see anything, Joseph. I suppose I see a pleasing and efficient pattern. Do you mean material, purpose or aesthetic? J: Everything. What’s been the name of the game since the industrial era? What sort of acitivity have we been compulsed to do since our rise into modern civilization? Why do so many culdesacs look like a honeycomb pattern from above? Can I see your pen, Doc? Me: I’m using it to write at the moment, what about this pen?
J: Nevermind, I think you just said it. Yeah, what about that pen? That pen is one of a million, Doc, and so are those blinds. Inside of that pen and all of its copies you’ll find the one true God. Me: I’m afraid that I don’t follow. Let me change the subject to something which might be more meaningful to the both of us. What did you hallucinate in the outside world before coming here? J: All of the T’s turned into X’s. Besides that, I saw dead people. No, not like in that movie, I ’m no psychic. I saw business types and average joes and beautiful women who used their products to end it all after the resonance collapsed. I saw cellphones lodged into throats and great big splats on the ground from those who jumped out of their offices. I saw hundreds ganged up on top of subway rails just waiting for the train to mow them over. After a lot of that, I saw a white dome that made it all stop. After that I saw two cities where most of us weren’t allowed. After that I saw the keys. Me: What are the keys, Joseph? J: The antidote. Me: For what sort of illness? J: Zerox. Me: And what is that, Joseph?
Notes: I must sincerely apologize to the institute for the incident which followed where the patient grabbed my pen and attempted to drive it into his neck. His medication has been doubled and he has been put under surveilence as is protocol. I take full responsibility for this unprecedented outburst and will be keeping an assistant nearby for the remainder of our sessions. I must remark that before the incident, Joseph was seen to hold a look of utter digust upon his face, while at the same time, calmly smiling. Before the outburst he was seen to gently weep for a moment and hold his hands up in a prayer formation. I fear that we mustn t approach this subject again until more work is done. ’
ENTRY #3 I went to visit Joseph in his confinement today and brought him a decaffeinated cup of tea. He went in to hug me, and albeit a little unnverved over the former incident, I allowed it. He remarked that it was so nice to be amongst individuals again who were able to let their own sense of human compassion drive their decisions. I fear that Joseph suffers from a profound sort of alienation, the likes of which I could hardly fathom, though this must be expected within someone as afflicted as himself. Joseph pleaded to me that he would very much like to play the piano, and after some dispute with the staff, this was allowed to occur within my office. The song which he played I had never heard before, but it was excilerating and deeply complex. In stark contrast to the repetitious “song” he played before, this one was filled with subtle nuance and evolving patterns without any segment being familiar, yet somehow all connected. I do not think I have ever heard it’s equal in all my years. He later told me that the song he played was based off of a simple idea, although a sort of inhuman idea which no one today could possibly grasp. He called this idea Zillion, and it was the first time I had seen Joseph treat anything with a kind of attributed divinity. He remarked that it was an idea created by a set of inhuman beings within his delusions which he calls the keys. When asked if he believed in aliens or extraterrestrials, Joseph remarked that the keys were merely created by us yet composed of all the distilled spirit of humanity into a perfect biological form. It is my opinion that they are Joseph’s version of what we might call angels, although when relating this he was quick to correct me and said that they were only the best that humanity could find within itself, through some form of advanced genetic engineering. The keys were hardly meak or pious or even forgiving. He equated them to a sort of vicious animal at times, and a sort of pinacle evolutionary achievement at others. After he had finished playing the song, Joseph smiled like I haven’t seen anyone smile in quite a long time. Joseph said that the keys were a goal that we should all attempt to fulfill. Notes: We talked about famous scientists and philosophers and new trends and historical moments for hours. Nothing else to report.
ENTRY #4 With his antipyshotic and Xanax intake doubled, myself and Joseph are continuing with our scheduled sessions. I feel compelled to make this a more personal entry as my dreams as of late have been troubled. Although I have maintained to keep a professional distance from myself and the patient, I cannot help but feel that his observations may not be rooted in the sort of obligatory psychosis that I once believed. I am tempted to change his diagnosis to a form of heightened neurotypical autism instead, though I am unsure. If it were not for his continual hallucinations and irrational anxiety, I would say that th at he was a philosopher who might have eventually fell into and had become a part of his own philosophy, but who can say. I fear that he may simply be too smart for his own good. Perhaps his mind simply eventually collapsed under the pressure of it all. Last night on the news I saw a story about how suicide-nets are being placed on the side of Chinese factories in an attempt to save people who would rather take their own lives than to live as second class factory workers. I cannot help but see a connection to this and Joseph’s own delusional concepts of the 6-8 hertz rupture, which he says will happen in approximately five years. Now that I think about it, the “thing” that he calls Zerox and it’s connection to what he pointed out about my pen is beginning to make more sense as of late. Just like these Chinese factory workers, they focus all day on creating replicants of the same thing, or perhaps they feel like they are replications themselves. Perhaps what they do eventually becomes who they are. Perhaps they would rather die than to be made a copy of something else. In Joseph ’s world, however, he seems to equate the very aesthetic or (concept or philosophy?) of duplication and repetition itself to a sort of future religion, which he says is the one true God which lives underneath many aspects of what we call modernity, even insofar insofar as our modern societies go. In my professional opinion, the whole thing creeps me out. Yet, I can’t seem to get it out of my head. Notes: I dreamed that I was in a large crowd that gathered around a large X scrawled onto a major city street in chalk. Myself and the others stopped all traffic as we gazed upon it and were filled by it.
ENTRY #5 I ask Joseph if he feels any differently about the future now that his medication has been doubled. J: Sorry, but whatever I feel about it or don’t, I can’t stop it. Me: You have to let that go. Reality is waiting for you. We want you back. You are a unique and and brilliant person. Won’t you come back? J: You have it backwards, Doc. I’m waiting for it to come to me. I need the Omega in order to bridge the looking glass. I’m just the Alpha. Me: What about the Alpha and the Omega? J: You already know. I ’m just waiting for you to wake up. We tried to double your medication, but it’s really up to you in the end. Notes: I fear that Joseph is utilizing our time together as a coping mechanism in order to make up for his growing detachment to his own non-reality. On one hand, this could be seen as an improvement, but on the other, he may simply be utilizing his newfound environment as yet another means to feed his psychosis. In any case, this may be a direct byproduct of the 45 MG Zyprexa Olanzipine regiment. It won t be long now before he realizes the irrationality of his augmented world and returns to base-line. ’
J: Base-line is what the zero users call it, Doc. That ’s the middle vertical line inside of their crux. I thought it was a crossing out of a numeral one at first, but it goes much deeper than that. 528 is the number of their pathology and religious fetish. I really wish you weren’t such a fan of salvation version 1.0. Me: Let’s please stay on topic. My personal faith is a choice and holds no bearing on our sessions or friendship. J: Choice… that’s what they would call it. Eventually, the mask they placed on top of choice will be taken off too. What ’s behind those masks is always the same simple idea, and that idea is a big fat X. Me: An X? Please tell me about the X. Was it ever seen on a street?
J: It will be everywhere soon. Crowds will gather around them wherever they’re marked. It won’t be until the imperfect hertz wave is sectioned off to feed the majority that they’ll start scraping a line down the middle. Nobody knows why. It was compulsory. It didn ’t have anything to do with choice. Neither the generator or the receivers got to decide on it. It was something hidden inside of us trying to find a way out, and eventually, it did, as soon as a window was opened that was big enough enough for it to squeeze through. Me: What did, Joseph? J: Zerox did. Don’t worry, Doc, I don ’t have my eyes on your pen. Me: Sophia, come over here. I apologize, Joseph, but we don ’t want another incident. Are you ready to talk to me about Zerox? J: I don’t need to. All you need to do is look at things as they exist. Try and see what’s changed the most since the industrial age. Me: That’s not what I’m asking. Look to the future, Joseph. This may be the final step in your recovery. We can face face it, together, here. J: (He points to the sectioned blinds on my window) Me: What is it you see? J: (He points to the sectioned blinds on my window) Me: What is there, Joseph? You can tell me! J: (He begins to weep and I am forced to end the session) Notes: It is conclusive now that whenever the topic of this Zerox comes up, the patient becomes dispondent. I chose not to mention my own dreams and thoughts about what Zerox might mean to him as I did not want to feed his own augmentation by any resemblance of agreement. I have taken it upon myself to take these notes and gather up the courage to ask ask him if what I think think it might mean really means the same thing to him, although he may simply agree with me out of his own need to reinforce the non-reality. Caution is required lest a repeat of the former incident is clumsily engaged. Whatever it is, it seems to have him within a threshold of relentless panic.
ENTRY #5 I am writing this from home. Nancy is cooking supper and the kids are upstairs playing video games. I think I now understand what haunts Mr. Kadmon in the form of this Zerox. In my opinion, it was his own failure to become succesful in life, due to his advancing illness, and so he feels like a copy or a member of the masses, which he unfairly pastes onto everyone else except the most unique among us. This may also explain his dichotomy in treating his idea of the keys and their Zillion concept as the opposite of conformity. It is my opinion that Joseph suffers from a peculiar sort of Icarus complex, having flown too high and burning his wings, and then crashing to the ground in the form of a perhaps latent but now pronounced schizophrenic coping mechanism. He had perhaps been pressured by his parents and peers to make something of himself, yet failed to live up to their high expectations. Zerox may be his embodiment of these phobias and fear of sameness. Yes – it is beginning to fall into place. Nancy had made a terrific roast chicken. I will get back to this shortly. I will keep watch over Joseph’s behaviour and up medications if need be, but there has been tremendous success thus far. I hope that someday soon, he will be able to integrate into society once more, and share his amazing gifts with the world. Notes: Terrifying dreams tonight. I was watching people kill themselves in every conceivable way, before being swept up by a large white ocean current which I can only describe as complete satisfaction. I was back on the street with the crowd, until a small boy pushed me into the large X we had drawn. He handed me a piece of chalk and I instantly drew a single line down the middle of it. The crowd began to cheer as I did this. I felt that they loved me, and I loved them. Joseph was there too. He was behind b ehind our crowd with a large, tall and muscular figure with pale skin, large head and glowing pale blue eyes. Joseph reached his hand out to me. What am I saying? It must be the stress at work and my fear that the academy will look poorly upon the incident I allowed to happen. I will gather my notes on the patients augmentation and bring them in tomorrow. In any case, I now see the problem as being ultimately solved. Joseph Kadmon suffers from delusions of inadequacy now given life by his own psychosis. psychosis. No more and and no less. Case closed. closed.
