Play Pl ay or Be Pl Play ayed ed:: What to look for in a man, and how to get it By Ta Tarr iq [[ King King Flex ]] N N asheed Na
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was appearing as a guest on this one talk show, discussing my philosophies on relationships, and one of the topics was “How a woman can please her man.” There were a couple of female authors on the panel who were trying to explain what men want, how a woman can make them happy, happy, and so on. These women were so off the mark, it was ridiculous. They were advising women to use all sorts of sex toys, scented scented powders, exotic exotic oils, and bubble baths. One of the women on the panel actually advised women to use a dildo on their man if they want to get him aroused. These women were so caught up in relaying their misinformation, they didn’t even bother to notice the uncomfortable reactions coming from the men in the audience. As I looked around, I saw some of the male audience members cringing as they listened to the nonsense coming from these female “experts.” These women were going on about how how women women can please their men by using candles, rose petals, aroma beads, and the like, until I just broke in and said what was on all the fellas’ minds. “Look ladies, men don’t really like none of that stuff. We’re We’re relatively simple. If you want to please us, just give us oral sex and food.” The men in the audience erupted into applause. The women on the panel were flabbergasted. One of the female panelists replied, “Well, some men like these sexual accessories.” I explained to her that men
don’t want to do anything to kill the mood. But generally, men can do without all those foreplay forep lay items. Then, one of the ladies made the million-dollar statement that re vealed vealed their their real agenda. agenda. “Well, what about a woman’s woman’s needs?” But the topic was supposed to be about how women can please their man. You see, that’s the problem. A lot of women women claim they want to know how to please their man, but they really have an ulterior motive. Ladies, men are very, very simple. If women aren’t aren’t pleasing their their men, it is because they don’t want to to please their men. If a woman has an an Indian-giver mentality, or if she is disingenuous in her motives, men who may be looking at her as a potential mate can sense that. Many women ask me what it takes to keep a quality man. Yet, when I then ask them, “If you want a man, what are you willing and and able quality man, to bring to the table?” a lot of these women are stumped. stumped. At the same time, many of these women women have a whole list of “what I ain’t ain’t gonna do” for a man.
I ain’t gonna clean no house 3. (’cause I ain’t no maid). I ain’t gonna suck that thing 4. (’cause I ain’t no ho).
Ladies, adies, if you are trying trying to get into the dating game with any of these hang-ups, T h e f o u r m o s t c o m m o n you are losing before you begin and you i t e m s o n t h e w h a t I will be in a perpetual state of frustration. fr ustration. a i n t g o n n a d o l i s t : In order to have a relationship with a I ain’t gonna cook for no man man, a woman must have qualifiquality man, (’cause I ain’t no slave). cations and credentials. Many women I ain’t gonna let no man tell me mistake having credentials with having “
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1 . 1. 2.
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play the lottery, you have the potential to win a million dollars. But if you educated yourself, acquire specific knowledge, and master certain business skills, you then will have the credentials to make a million dollars. This is why it is important for women to accumulate bargaining chips. Many women in the dating game make the
vary, depending on a man’s particular wants and needs. Before a man places a woman in this category, he looks at her credentials. And the credentials could include a hundred things. A man might take a woman’s educational background into consideration. He might consider her culinary skills. He might take her sense of humor, her diet regimen, her sex appeal, or a host of other things into consideration before he puts a woman into the potential girlfriend category. But it doesn’t take much for a man to put a woman into the potential sex partner category. The requirements are minimal. As a matter of fact, a woman just needs to have two things in order to get placed into the potential sex partner category:
1. A poon-tang 2. A pulse.
mistake of relying solely on physical attributes to try and maintain a relationship. Any woman can get a man. But the game a woman has to back up her looks with will help her keep a man. When a man is first getting to know a woman, he usually o h puts her into one of two categories: C e c i n The potential girlfriend category u E y b s The potential sex partner categ ory. n o i t a r t The requirements for a woman to be s
1. 2.
In most cases, when a woman is first dating a man, if she doesn’t meet any of his qualifications to become a potential girlfriend or mate, she automatically gets placed in the potential sex partner category. On the other hand, a woman in most cases actually has to like something about a man before she will have sexual relations with him, and she will require him to have certain credentials before she gets physical with him. So a lot of women end up thinking that, just because a man wants to sleep with them, he must see some special qualities in her as well. Which brings us to:
Play or Be Playe d Rule #1 A man does not have to like you to have
A very common question that I often hear women ask is, “If a man just wants sex, how come he doesn’t just say that in the beginning?” The answer is, most men at least have some common sense. Let’s be realistic, ladies. Do you honestly think that a man is going to step to you and say, “Hey look, I don’t really want a relationship with you, I just want to hit that ass?” If he did, you would dismiss him with the quickness. Men know that, so guys at least have enough common sense to know what to say, and what not to say, to get what they want and not salt their own game. So ladies, it’s up to you to figure out what a man’s true agenda is, instead of complaining about what he should tell you, and what he ought to be doing. In order to do this, you have to break relationships down to their basic components. There are basically three types of relationships:
1. emotional 2. sexual 3. financial. That’s it. There are relationships for emotional gratification, sexual gratification, and financial gratification. If you are in a relationship with a person, it will be for at least one of these three reasons. The problems come when the two parties have different relationship agendas. A woman may be dating a man because he is paying her bills, and he may be dating her strictly for the sex. Or a woman might be dating a guy whom she’s emotionally attached to, while he is dating her because she gives him a couple of dollars every now and then. In the ideal relationship, the two people dating are on the same page emotionally, sexually, and financially. If there is a deficiency in any one of these areas, and the deficiency has not been rectified, the relationship will be temporary. So ladies, when you start dating a man, you must first be real (with yourself, especially) about what your true agenda is. If you are dating a man strictly because of his financial contributions, acknowledge that
agenda by getting into a B.S. i n t r i g u e d w i t h c h a l l e n g i n g a n d form of potential power, because we relationship with the person and combative activities such as sports, never know when certain knowledge deceiving yourself into believing that politics, war, and the stock market. may have to be utilized. you can learn to like other qualities These things give men social challenges Another very important trait that about the person. to overcome, and overcoming obstacles women must look for when selecting a You must also figure out what the other and stepping up to challenges builds potential mate is leadership skills. In person’s true agenda is. Don’t leave it strength that leads to greater social order for a man to be a good leader, or up to them to tell you. In any game, power. to have others respect him and look to him for guidance, it’s imperative that he has integrity. When a man is ’ being led by other ’ people, he has to conform to the rules and standards of the people he is following. If a man is working for an employer, he has you have to at least play good defense Once a man has overcome certain to follow the rules and regulations of until you are absolutely sure that the challenges, this establishes him as being that employer. If a man is financially other person is willing to be on the more powerful than those who could dependent on a woman he is dating, he same team as you. not rise to the challenge. And social has to follow the rules and regulations When you first meet a person, you power makes a man more desirable to of that woman. can’t tell if they are with you or against women . Many women have ackyou. And if someone has plans to get nowledged that power in a man is an over on you, or to get what they can aphrodisiac. When a man has power, he from you without reciprocating, they doesn’t have to chase women. Women damn sure aren’t going to tell you this chase him. But when a man doesn’t up front. have social power, and he isn’t making Over 90 percent of all communication an attempt to achieve social power, he is nonverbal. So it’s up to you to look will waste his competitive ene rg y on and listen very closely to a person’s dominating coochie—on finding chalnonverbal language (and not your own lenging ways to achieve an orgasm. So hopes and expectations) so you can the best way to judge a man is to see figure out where they are coming from. what he is doing in life to achieve social power, if he is even trying to achieve The Main Thing Women power at all. Is he disciplined? Is he Should Look for in a Man proactive? What is he passionate about? One of man’s basic needs is to achieve If a man isn’t focusing his energy on social power, to become the alpha male. constructive or proactive social activities, In the wild, the male animal who then most likely he will utilize all that outfights, outhunts, and overpowers the energy on getting his next orgasm. And other male animals becomes the having power doesn’t necessarily mean dominant male of his group. And by being rich. Focusing his energy on virtue of being the most powerful, he something he’s passionate about makes gets the most respect from the other a man more confident and self-assured. male animals. Plus, most of the female And when people are knowledgeable animals want to procreate with the and thorough about something that alpha male, because this will ensure the they can contribute to society, they have strength of her lineage. more power. And the thing that a man Human males have this competitive is passionate about could seem trivial nature as well. This is why men are more to other people. But all knowledge is a
O v e r 9 0 p e r c e n t o f a l l c o m m u n i c a t i o n i s n o n v e r b a l . S o i t s u p t o y o u t o l o o k a n d l i s t e n v e r y c l o s e l y t o a p e r s o n s n o n v e r b a l l a n g u a g e ( a n d n o t y o u r o w n h o p e s a n d e x p e c t a t i o n s ) s o y o u c a n f i g u r e o u t w h e r e t h e y a r e c o m i n g f r o m .
In many cases, following the rules and character with integrity. This is an regulations of others causes men to rebel important quality for women to look for and want to branch out on their own. in a man. If a man wants to be selfIt’s perfectly normal for a man to want sufficient because he doesn’t want any to be self-sufficient and call the shots for limitations on how high he wants to rise, himself, because following the rules and that’s perfectly fine. But having integrity standards of others will often limit a will also ensure that he puts limitations person from growing to his fullest on how low he can sink. This is why it is potential. But when you become a social essential for a man to have integrity. And “free agent,” you have to be disciplined this is the main thing that women should enough to set rules and standards for look for in a man, and the factor that will yourself. This is the basic definition of lead to rewarding relationships. integrity, and the presence of integrity As I said before, a woman who wants separates the kings from the cavemen. to find and keep a quality man has gotta It’s in a woman’s nature to seek lead- give that man what he wants; and to find ership in a man, because leadership a quality man, she’s gotta make sure he represents strength. However, this has integrity, that he’s the kind of man natural instinct causes many women to who has the power and knowledge to act gravitate toward men who are considered like a king and at the same time will keep bad boys or thugs, because many men a good character. If a woman finds this who are considered rebels give off the kind of man and then acts as though she’s illusion of leadership. got the credentials that will put her in the Anyone can rebel just for the sake of “potential girlfriend” category, then she rebelling, so when a man rebels, he has good cards to enjoy a long and happy should do so in a way that credits his relationship.
Many women have acknowledged t h a t p o w e r i n a m a n i s a n aphrodisiac. When a man has p o w e r , h e d o e s n t h a v e t o chase women. Women chase him. ’
This article is taken from the A bout t he A ut hor chapter “What Men Really Tariq “King Flex” Nasheed wrote Want” in Tariq Nasheed’s book the best-selling The Art of Mackin’ , a Play or Be Played: What Every Female Should Know book that relates truths of the street game Ab ou t Me n, Da ti ng , an d to conventional monogamous relationships. Relationships (Simon and He was also featured on the TV show by the Oscar-winning filmmaker Michael Schuster, New York, 2004).
Moore, called The Awful Truth. Kflex can be seen on the lecture circuit, on radio shows around the country, and has been featured on TV shows such as MTV Made, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, Jenny Jones, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno , BET’s Oh Drama , and in numerous magazines such as Vibe, Honey , and The Source. Please visit awtflash.com/users/ kingflex for more information.
