HE LOVES ME by Zoe Kazan
FOX SEARCHLIGHT PICTURES 10201 W. Pico Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90035 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. COPYRIGHT ©2011
June 9, 2011 Draft
BLACK.
* *
Fade up on a dreamy image of a woman, backlit by the sun. WOMAN There you are. I’ve been looking for you.
* *
She walks toward camera with a strange uneven gait, then stops.
* *
WOMAN (CONT’D) Have you seen my other shoe? I’m always losing things.
* * *
She looks around for the shoe, then notices something.
*
WOMAN (CONT’D) (to camera) What?
* *
She smiles and moves in closer.
*
WOMAN (CONT’D) Why are you looking at me like that?
* *
BLARING ALARM SOUND.
* CUT TO:
2
INT. CALVIN’S BEDROOM. EARLY MORNING.
2
CALVIN (29) wakes, jolted, alone in bed. A porn DVD menu is on the TV. Calvin turns the TV off with the remote, pulls his sheets away from his body. They are sticky. 3
EXT. SILVERLAKE STREET.
LATER
* * 3*
Calvin stands in his sweats at the side of the road. His body has obviously not seen sunlight for quite some time. Calvin’s dog SCOTTY, small and sensitive, sniffs around. CALVIN Go potty. Go potty. Go potty. Go potty. Go potty. Go potty. Scotty. potty.
* * *
Go
Scotty squats and pees like a girl dog. 4
INT. CALVIN’S KITCHEN.
LATER.
This is a nicer house than we would expect a guy this young to have. Very little furniture, but everything is expensive. Calvin pours coffee. Toast pops up. Scotty waits for scraps.
4
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INT. CALVIN’S OFFICE.
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2.
LATER.
5
Calvin places the toast and coffee carefully next to the typewriter on his desk. Everything in the room is white: desk, floor, walls. Scotty tries to come in. Calvin shuts the door. No Scotty. Calvin sits.
CALVIN
Silence.
He positions his hands over the keys.
A page sits in the typewriter. Blank. Calvin’s face. blank. CUT between the page and Calvin. It’s like a staring contest. The phone rings, loud, jarring. Yes?
*
Also
Calvin answers.
CALVIN (CONT'D)
INT. GYM. MORNING.
*
Calvin and Harry are strapped into weight machines that bear more than a passing similarity to Medieval torture devices. Harry stands next to Calvin, spotting him.
* * *
HARRY Great way to start the day, right?
* *
CALVIN I think I’m going to throw up.
* *
HARRY How was your date last week?
* *
Okay.
CALVIN
* *
HARRY Okay as in you got laid? Harry.
* *
CALVIN
* *
He gestures at a woman working out next to them, earbuds in. HARRY What? She can’t hear you. (Loud) Don’t you want to have sex? again?
* * * * * *
Like ever
(CONTINUED)
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CONTINUED: CALVIN The only reason girls ever want to sleep with me is that they read my book in high school. So?
HARRY
* * * * * *
CALVIN So they’re not interested in me, they’re interested in...some idea of me.
* * *
HARRY That’s why you have to work out. they’ll want you for your body.
* * *
So
CALVIN (RE: the machine) What does this thing even do?
* * *
HARRY It turns you into a god.
* *
Keep it up.
CALVIN ...I had a weird dream last night. There was this girl--
* * *
HARRY What’d she look like?
* *
CALVIN ...like a normal girl, someone I made up.
* *
HARRY Did you have sex?
* *
CALVIN No, she just talked to me.
* *
HARRY That’s fucking depressing.
* *
CALVIN It was actually really nice.
* *
HARRY Seriously? You don’t even get laid in your dreams? That’s just sad. (He finishes his reps.) So how’s the book coming?
* * * * *
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INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE.
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4.
LATE AFTERNOON.
7
CLOSE UP on Calvin’s face, looking up at camera. CALVIN I don’t know. I don’t know. I get an idea, a good idea, like, why don’t I write about my dad? And BAM, I start thinking that is the stupidest thing ever, who wants to read about “He was disappointed in me, bla bla bla.” But then I’m sitting there, alone, in front of my typewriter all day, and maybe I get something to eat, and all I can think about is how every second I’m getting older and he was right, what am I doing with my life? And also. Also I am feeling ambivalent about Scotty. A beat.
We hold on Calvin. CALVIN (CONT'D) It’s true. I’m feeling very ambivalent about Scotty. Dogs can be really annoying. He slobbers. He chews things. He pees like a girl, which for some reason makes me feel inadequate. But then I feel bad, because if I don’t love him, who will? (Pause) Plus he needs to go outside a lot, and it breaks up my day. Maybe that’s why I’m not writing?
We see:
* *
DR. ROSENTHAL.
Smart, fifties.
He looks bemused.
DR. ROSENTHAL Do you think that’s why you’re not writing? Calvin has somehow managed to squish his body into a fetal position in the chair. No.
CALVIN
DR. ROSENTHAL Why do you think you’re not writing? CALVIN ...Can I have Bobby now?
(CONTINUED)
* *
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CONTINUED:
7 DR. ROSENTHAL Do you need Bobby now? Yes.
CALVIN
Dr. Rosenthal gets up and goes to a cabinet. him with his eyes. Calvin. friend?
Calvin follows
*
DR. ROSENTHAL When was the last time you saw a
CALVIN Harry, yesterday. DR. ROSENTHAL Someone other than your brother? Calvin doesn’t answer. Dr. Rosenthal comes over and hands him a plush teddy bear: Bobby. Calvin holds it. Dr. Rosenthal goes back to his seat.
* * *
DR. ROSENTHAL (CONT'D) How was your date Tuesday? Calvin plays with Bobby’s ears. CALVIN I don’t know that I’m really a dating kind of person. Just the prospect of like...childhood stories, relationship histories, “You’re depressed? Oh my god I’m depressed”... Besides, if I haven’t written that day, that’s all I can think about. Have you been giving Bobby to your other patients? DR. ROSENTHAL No, Bobby’s just for you. CALVIN ‘Cause he smells weird. DR. ROSENTHAL Calvin. When you were deciding to get Scotty, what did we talk about? What did you say you hoped for? Do you remember? Calvin mutters something. DR. ROSENTHAL (CONT'D) A little louder please.
* (CONTINUED)
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CALVIN That he would be awesome and we’d take hikes and stuff. And I would meet people when they stopped to pet him. But Scotty gets scared when people try to pet him. DR. ROSENTHAL Does that embarrass you?
No.
CALVIN (Big fat lie)
DR. ROSENTHAL ...I want to give you a writing assignment. CALVIN I can’t write. DR. ROSENTHAL Okay. This would just be for me. I’d like you to write, just a page, about someone who sees Scotty, all slobbery and scared, and likes him anyway. Just the way he is. Do you think you could do that for me? Beat. CALVIN Can it be bad? DR. ROSENTHAL I would like it to be very bad. 9
INT. HAMMER MUSEUM.
*
EVENING.
9*
CLOSE ON: Scattered hardcover books surround A BLOWN UP POSTER OF A BOOK COVER propped on a table. It reads: HEARTBROKEN OLD TIMES By Calvin Weir-Fields ~Tenth Anniversary Edition~ LANGDON THARP (O.S.) The first time I met Calvin, he was 19 years old and had already been at the top of the New York Times Best Seller List for months.
(CONTINUED)
*
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7.
CONTINUED:
9
A crowd of well-dressed people sit watching: LANGDON THARP, literary god. Late forties and enjoying the attention from the stage.
* * *
LANGDON THARP (CONT'D) I thought: who the fuck is this kid? And how can I go back in time and be him? Laughter.
Calvin stands in the wings.
*
LANGDON THARP (CONT'D) This skinny high school drop out with acne still on his chin gave us what very well may become a classic American novel. Someone pats Calvin on the shoulder.
*
LANGDON THARP (CONT'D) Since then, we’ve had the pleasure of reading his short stories, and of course last year’s novella “Breakfast for Dinner.” But it wasn’t until I sat down to re-read his novel-(Holding up the book) --in this beautiful new edition--that I remembered quite how good Calvin WeirFields is. Langdon turns, a strange edge to his voice.
*
LANGDON THARP (CONT'D) Ten years ago or ten years from now, we’re lucky to have him around. Ladies and Gentlemen, Calvin Weir-Fields.
10
* * *
People applaud. Calvin walks onstage. Langdon shakes his hand. Flashbulbs. Calvin takes the mic, ready to speak.
* *
JUMP CUT TO:
*
INT. MUSEUM BATHROOM. LATER.
10 *
Calvin splashes water on his face. Water drips off his hair, nose, eyelashes. He looks like a drowning man. INT. MUSEUM.
HALL.
JUST AFTER.
*
Calvin walks down the wall. Cyrus pops in from around the corner. Cyrus is either a good guy who comes off as a douche, or a douche who gives phenomenal “good-guy.” No one knows. CYRUS There’s the man!
* * * * *
(CONTINUED)
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CONTINUED:
11
CALVIN You have to remind me about these things.
* *
CYRUS Check your messages buddy.
* *
CALVIN I would have at least worn a real shirt.
* *
CYRUS No one cares what you wear, you’re a genius.
* * *
CALVIN Don’t use that word.
* *
INT. MUSEUM AUDITORIUM. JUST AFTER.
11 *
Calvin makes his way up the stairs out of the auditorium. People press forward to speak to him.
* *
PARTY-GOER 1 Phenomenal, man. Just brilliant. Brilliant.
PARTY-GOER 2
CALVIN Thanks for coming.
* *
OLDER DUDE Hey, man, you know that chapter where Charlie goes to the whorehouse? Did you make the whore’s dress blue because it was the same color as his mother’s apron?
* * * * *
CALVIN ...Sorry, what?
* *
A SORT OF WEIRD GUY cuts in, a little too close to Calvin.
*
SORT OF WEIRD GUY Calvin. Calvin. Calvin. So. How did you know where to send your manuscript?
* * *
CALVIN Uh, I looked it up.
* *
Where?
SORT OF WEIRD GUY
* *
CALVIN On the internet.
* * (CONTINUED)
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CONTINUED:
11 SORT OF WEIRD GUY But you were a teenager.
* *
CALVIN
* *
Right.
SORT OF WEIRD GUY Is it weird for you that you used to be so successful?
* * *
INT. MUSEUM. RECEPTION AREA (BY BILLY WILDER PORTRAIT).
*
Langdon pulls Calvin into a group of writers for a photo.
*
LANGDON THARP Say “Disillusionment.” No one smiles.
Flashbulbs go off.
* * Cyrus steps in.
*
CYRUS Hey, Cyrus Modi, huge fan.
* *
INT. MUSEUM. RECEPTION AREA. LATER.
*
The crowd mills about. The Sort Of Weird Guy chats up Calvin. Cyrus interrupts.
* *
CYRUS Look, pink litchi-tinis!
* *
CALVIN I don’t want to hold this.
*
CYRUS I know it looks gay. Try holding two of them. Now go, sign copies, sell books.
*
CALVIN I was thinking of heading home. Cyrus laughs. 12
*
LATER.
12
Party is more intense. A CUTE HIPSTER GIRL tries to chat up Calvin at the bar. They both have to shout over the noise. Mabel! What?
CUTE HIPSTER GIRL CALVIN
(CONTINUED)
*
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CONTINUED:
12 I’m Mabel!
CUTE HIPSTER GIRL
CALVIN Do I know you? MABEL (Holding out a scrap of paper) No, do you want my number? LATER.
*
ELEVATOR FOYER.
*
Calvin is sandwiched between the Coordinator and MICHAEL SILVERBLATT, talking intently into his ear. They head into the bookstore.
* * *
MICHAEL SILVERBLATT You know my show Bookworm--?
* *
CALVIN Yeah, of course I--
* *
MICHAEL SILVERBLATT Well, I have to tell you I love the first book, but what we really want is for you to come on the show and talk about what you’re working on now, NOW is the question--
* * * * * *
LATER. BOOKSTORE.
*
Langdon chats up some women.
*
LANGDON THARP Of course, Calvin always had talent, but that will only get you so far. I helped hone him, give him some style. It was a passing of the baton, really.
* * * * *
LATER.
*
Mabel continues to hit on Calvin as he signs her book.
*
MABEL My favorite was that story you had in McSweeny’s last fall? About the guy trying to buy a jacket?
*
LATER.
*
Langdon chats up some more women.
*
(CONTINUED)
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CONTINUED: (2)
12
LANGDON THARP Everyone sits at home and thinks, “I could do that, a monkey could do that.” But one’s muse is incredibly difficult. You have to seduce her, finesse her.
* * * * *
LATER.
*
A tiny intimidating older FEMALE PROFESSOR intensely grips Calvin’s arm.
* *
FEMALE PROFESSOR At first I resisted teaching your book, but the longer I considered it, the more I saw its corollary to Roth and Mailer, so I thought, if I’m going to include anyone contemporary, it really must be Calvin Weir-Fields--
* * * * * * *
LATER.
*
Langdon chats up even more women.
*
LANGDON THARP People think of writing as cerebral, but its actually an incredibly physical, almost sensual act. You should see me write. I’m like an Olympian. With a pen.
* * * * *
Mabel’s kneeling by the table as Calvin signs other people’s books. She has a drink.
* *
MABEL I was so in love with Charlie. He was like my ideal in high school. I mean I know he’s not real. But he kind of is, right? Like, your name starts with “C” and so does Charlie... I mean, it’s like autobiographical, right?
*
LATER.
LATER. Quieter.
Langdon leans against a wall by Calvin.
Drunk.
LANGDON THARP They love you and then they throw you away. It’s easier if you’ve only ever been mediocre. When you’ve been to the top, it can kill you. (MORE)
(CONTINUED)
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CONTINUED: LANGDON THARP (CONT'D) Salinger had the right idea: write what you can, and then DISAPPEAR. CUT TO:
13
BLACK. SILENT.
THEN:
A door opens.
We are:
INT. CALVIN’S HOUSE.
NIGHT.
13
Calvin’s silhouette in the doorway. He tosses his copy of the book on the floor. Shuts the door behind him. 14
INT. CALVIN’S BEDROOM. JUST AFTER.
14
The door opens revealing Scotty asleep on the floor by the bed. There are many torn up books around him. Also a puddle of urine. Calvin examines the remains of the books. One of them was his copy of “CATCHER IN THE RYE.” Calvin lets it drop from his fingers in defeat or exhaustion. 15
INT. CALVIN’S LIVINGROOM.
JUST AFTER.
15
Calvin throws his pillow and comforter on the couch and collapses on top of them. He wraps himself in the comforter and switches off the light. GIRL (V.O.) She’s so cute. 16
EXT. PARK. DAY.
16
Calvin is sitting on the grass, a book open in front of him. Standing a few feet away is the GIRL from his dream. She holds a sketch pad and wears a summer dress. Your dog.
GIRL She’s so cute.
Scotty trots over and sits by Calvin. CALVIN He’s a boy dog. GIRL He just peed like a girl. CALVIN Have we met before?
(CONTINUED)
*
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GIRL I don’t think so. CALVIN I wouldn’t get too close. scared of people.
He’s a little
GIRL Do you mind if I draw him? Go ahead.
CALVIN
She sits cross-legged on the grass and starts to draw. CALVIN (CONT'D) You’re an artist? GIRL Yeah. I’m super good. name? Scotty.
What’s your dog’s
*
CALVIN
GIRL Are you Scottish? CALVIN No, I’m half Lithuanian. GIRL Is he Scottish? CALVIN I named him for F. Scott Fitzgerald.
*
The girl looks up from her drawing. Who?
GIRL
CALVIN F. Scott Fitzgerald. Great Gatsby”?
The novelist?
“The
GIRL (Going back to her drawing) I don’t read a lot of fiction. CALVIN You’ve never heard of F. Scott Fitzgerald. (CONTINUED)
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GIRL Why, is he really famous and important? CALVIN He’s probably one of the greatest novelists who ever lived. GIRL How do you know? What?
CALVIN
GIRL (Looking up) How do you know he’s one of the greatest novelists who ever lived? Have you read every novel ever written? CALVIN (Super annoyed) ...No. But I am a novelist. I know a lot about novels. And Fitzgerald is pretty much the best. GIRL Okay. (Going back to her sketch) But I don’t think you like him very much. What?
CALVIN
GIRL Naming your dog after him? disrespectful.
It’s a little
CALVIN It’s a gesture. GIRL Yeah, an aggressive gesture. Think about it: you’re a novelist, you think this guy is the greatest, you name your dog after him to cut him down to size. Now you can put him on a leash and yell “Bad Scotty” and feel all superior ‘cuz you pee inside. Kill your idols, man, I’m all for it. Calvin is annoyed.
He gets up to go.
(CONTINUED)
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15.
CONTINUED: (3) Hang on.
16 GIRL (CONT'D)
She rips off the page and hands it to him. It’s an incredibly beautiful sketch of Scotty. Calvin looks at her. CALVIN This is beautiful. GIRL Yeah, well. Your dog might pee like a lady, but I like him anyway. CALVIN What did you say? GIRL I like him. Just the way he is. JUMP CUT TO: 17
INT. CALVIN’S LIVNGROOM. DAY.
17
Calvin sits straight up on the couch. CALVIN YES!!!!!!!!! The sound of type-writer typing rapidly over: 18
INT. CALVIN’S HOUSE.
DAY AND NIGHT.
18
Images in super fast motion: Calvin writes. Scotty’s tail thumps. Calvin revises with whiteout. Scotty runs in with a HIGH HEELED SHOE in his mouth. Calvin looks at it weird, then throws it for Scotty. Scotty chews on the high heel. Calvin types like a mad person. The “ding!” of the typewriter ends the sequence. 19
INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE.
ONE WEEK LATER.
19
CALVIN You are a genius!!!! Calvin stands, arms held above his head in triumph. Rosenthal looks pleased with himself.
Dr.
*
DR. ROSENTHAL I thought we weren’t going to use that word, Calvin. Calvin sits.
Still happy.
* (CONTINUED)
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CONTINUED:
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CALVIN Okay: you are really really really super fucking smart. “I’d like it to be bad.” Can I tell you what it’s about? Maybe I shouldn’t, it could kill the... Fuck it, it’s amazing, can I tell you? Please.
DR. ROSENTHAL
CALVIN Okay: there’s this guy, this neurotic writer guy, and he’s all lonely, but then he meets this girl, and at first he doesn’t like her, but then it turns out... (Hearing himself, lamely) She’s perfect for him. It’s way less trite than it sounds. DR. ROSENTHAL I’m glad you found something that inspires you. CALVIN Inspires me? It overwhelms me. I literally cannot sleep or eat. All I want to do is write. I almost didn’t come here today, because I didn’t want to be away from... (A terrible realization) Oh god. Oh god. What?
DR. ROSENTHAL
CALVIN I can’t say it out loud, it’s too stupid. DR. ROSENTHAL I love it when you say stupid things. CALVIN This is really profoundly stupid. Okay.
DR. ROSENTHAL
*
CALVIN Soooo...The guy I’m writing?
*
DR. ROSENTHAL What’s his name? (CONTINUED)
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CONTINUED: (2)
19
CALVIN Calvin. I’m going to change it. Anyway, there’s a lot of me in him? And he’s falling for this girl... WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS: It’s almost like I’m writing to spend time with her. Who?
DR. ROSENTHAL
CALVIN The girl. The one I’m writing. I go to sleep at night waiting to get to my typewriter again so I can be with her. It’s like... (Whispers) It’s almost like I’m in love with her. DR. ROSENTHAL (Whispers) That’s wonderful. CALVIN No. It’s not. I can’t be in love with the girl I’m writing. Why not?
DR. ROSENTHAL
CALVIN She’s not real. Isn’t she? No.
DR. ROSENTHAL CALVIN
DR. ROSENTHAL Are you sure? CALVIN YES I’M SURE!!!! SHE’S A MOTHER FUCKING PRODUCT OF MY IMAGINATION!! Calvin buries his head in the seat cushions. Dr. Rosenthal waits. CALVIN (CONT'D) Lila treated me so badly. I know.
DR. ROSENTHAL
(CONTINUED)
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CALVIN Who leaves someone right after their father dies? DR. ROSENTHAL Someone who couldn’t love you properly. CALVIN Someone who is a heartless cunt. Okay.
DR. ROSENTHAL
Calvin remains supine.
Dr. Rosenthal looks at him.
DR. ROSENTHAL (CONT'D) Tell me about her. CALVIN I don’t want to talk about Lila anymore. DR. ROSENTHAL I meant this girl you’re writing. me about her.
Tell
Calvin looks at Dr. Rosenthal, full of feeling. Ruby.
CALVIN
DREAMY SONG kicks in, over: 20
EXT. PARK. DAY.
20
Close up on the Girl’s backside.
She’s roller skating.
*
CALVIN (V.O.) Ruby Sparks. Twenty six years old. Raised in Dayton, Ohio.
*
DR. ROSENTHAL (V.O.) Why Dayton? CALVIN (V.O.) It sounds romantic. 21
INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE.
SIMULTANEOUS.
21 *
Calvin’s face as he summons these thoughts.
*
(CONTINUED)
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19.
CONTINUED:
21 CALVIN Ruby’s first crushes were Humphrey Bogart and John Lennon. She cried when she found out they were already dead.
22
* * * *
Images of Bogart, Lennon, Ruby as a child. EXT. ROAD.
22 *
DAY.
*
Teenage Ruby (nose ring, dyed black hair) clings to the back of some dude on a motorcycle.
* *
CALVIN (V.O.) She got kicked out of high school for sleeping with her Art teacher.
*
YEARBOOK PICTURE of the ART TEACHER.
*
CALVIN (V.O.) (CONT'D) Or maybe her Spanish teacher.
*
YEARBOOK PICTURE of the SPANISH TEACHER.
*
CALVIN (V.O.) (CONT'D) I haven’t decided yet.
*
EXT. BUS STOP. EVENING.
*
Ruby waits for the bus wearing a restaurant uniform. carries many bags of groceries.
She
* *
CALVIN (V.O.) Ruby can’t drive. She doesn’t own a computer. 23
INT. RUBY’S APARTMENT.
PRESENT.
Ruby’s apartment looks like a bomb went off. couch, eating pizza and watching South Park.
23 She sits on the
CALVIN (V.O.) Ruby hates her middle name, which is Tiffany. She always always roots for the underdog. 24
INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE.
* * *
SIMULTANEOUS.
Calvin is lost in his story. CALVIN Ruby’s not so good at life sometimes. She forgets to open bills or cash checks.
* * * 24 * * * *
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20.
INT. RUBY’S APARTMENT.
PRESENT.
25
Ruby tries on a dress. the floor.
Mounds of clothes lay discarded on
CALVIN (V.O.) She used to have an eating disorder, but she doesn’t tell anyone about it. 26
EXT. PARK. DAY. Ruby bikes ahead. Her one can for
26 The camera tries to keep up.
*
CALVIN (V.O.) last boyfriend was forty-nine. The before that was an alcoholic. She feel a change coming. She’s looking it.
The camera stops trying to follow her. distance, getting smaller and smaller. DR. ROSENTHAL Looking for what?
Ruby bikes into the
*
(V.O.)
CALVIN (V.O.) Something...new. Ruby disappears over a hill. DREAMY SONG fades out. Hold on the empty path for a moment. The sound of someone panting. Calvin enters frame near camera, running. He stops by a tree to catch his breath. He calls to someone behind him. CALVIN (CONT'D) Let’s stop for a second.
*
Harry enters frame at a jog, with Scotty on leash. He slows to a stop and waits for his brother to catch his breath. 27
INT. CALVIN’S HOUSE.
LATER.
27
Calvin and Harry enter, still in their sweaty jogging clothes, carrying a small bag of groceries. HARRY (Calling out) They didn’t have paprika, so I got cumin. That’s basically the same, right? Harry’s wife SUSIE (mid-thirties, ethnic) pops out of the kitchen, carrying their baby, MILES.
(CONTINUED)
* *
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21.
CONTINUED:
27 SUSIE You have to take Miles, he won’t stop grabbing my hair. (To Calvin) Callie, you better thank me because I cleaned your oven.
* * *
HARRY Oh my woman...
* *
He wraps himself around her.
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Susie laughs, pushing him away.
*
SUSIE You’re all sweaty!
* *
HARRY De-licious.
* *
CALVIN (Headed upstairs) Thank you Susie.
*
INT. CALVIN’S BATHROOM. LATER.
28
Calvin, wet from the shower, dries his hair with a towel. He looks in the mirror, decides to shave. Opens the cabinet, and sees: a pink Venus razor and Venus shaving cream. He inspects it. 29
Weird.
INT. CALVIN’S LIVINGROOM.
JUST AFTER.
29
Calvin, dressed, comes downstairs carrying the razor and shaving cream. Harry is on the couch playing with Miles and watching football. Susie’s setting the table.
* *
CALVIN Um, Susie, did you happen to-HARRY Dude, you didn’t tell me you were getting laid. Harry.
SUSIE
*
HARRY I’m just saying: he claims to be writing too much to haul his ass to our house, but it turns out he’s just getting too much poon.
(CONTINUED)
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22.
CONTINUED:
29 SUSIE I swear to god Harry I am going to duct tape your mouth shut. CALVIN I’m not getting any poon.
Harry, eyes still on the game, holds up a hot pink lacy bra. CALVIN (CONT'D) Who’s is that? HARRY You tell me. CALVIN (Realizes) Oh god Scotty. HARRY It’s Scotty’s? CALVIN (Taking the bra from Harry and examining it) No, asshole. Scotty’s been dragging stuff in. I think he goes through my weird neighbor’s garbage.
*
SUSIE So that’s some random dirty bra? Gross.
HARRY
Calvin walks to the hall, opens a drawer and drops the bra in. SUSIE Calvin! Don’t put it away. Throw it away. (Going to the drawer) I swear, if your mother knew how you boysShe stops when she sees the content of the drawer. Calvin.
SUSIE (CONT'D) What is this?
HARRY What is what?
(CONTINUED)
*
*
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23.
CONTINUED: (2)
29
Nothing.
CALVIN
SUSIE Apparently, Calvin has been collecting women’s things.
*
HARRY
What?!
CALVIN Leave it--don’t--
*
Harry comes over and looks in the drawer.
We see:
Apparently Calvin has been collecting women’s things. In addition to the bra, there’s a pair of panties, a stocking, a brush, and the high heel Scotty brought in. Fuck.
HARRY Off.
CALVIN I swear to god, Scotty’s been bringing them in. Right.
HARRY “Scotty.”
Shut up. Calvin. 30
CALVIN SUSIE Throw.
INT. CALVIN’S KITCHEN.
These.
Away.
EVENING.
30
Calvin puts the last of the dishes away. In the living room, Susie feeds Miles while watching a movie. Calvin comes over. She looks up at him and smiles. 31
EXT. CALVIN’S YARD.
JUST AFTER.
31
Calvin approaches Harry, who is sprawled out on a lounge chair reading a stack of pages. Calvin sits at his feet. They are illuminated by the blue light of the pool. Harry puts down the last page. So?
CALVIN
HARRY ...Where do you see this going? (CONTINUED)
*
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CONTINUED:
24. 31
CALVIN What do you mean? HARRY What are you writing about? CALVIN I don’t know, I just started. HARRY This is a love story, right? You know who reads love stories? Women. And I’m telling you, no woman is going to want to read this. CALVIN Fuck you, it’s romantic. HARRY Quirky messy women whose problems only make them more endearing are Not. Real. Period. What do they say, write what you been through? CALVIN (Muttered) Write what you know. Exactly.
HARRY Write what you know.
CALVIN I’ve known girls like Ruby. Yeah? Girls. Lila?
HARRY Who? CALVIN HARRY
CALVIN Not fucking Lila. HARRY Right. You’ve had one relationship-CALVIN For five years--
(CONTINUED)
* * *
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CONTINUED: (2)
25. 31
HARRY You never even lived together. I’m telling you, this honeymoon shit doesn’t last. CALVIN I know that. HARRY Women are different up close. I love Susie, but she’s a weirdo. She smells terrible when she’s anxious, and sometimes she gets mean as fuck for no reason. She’s a person. You haven’t written a person, you’ve written a girl.
*
CALVIN (Suddenly angry) Whatever. Most writers don’t let people read their work at this stage. I might not even finish it. Silence.
Calvin picks up the manuscript. CALVIN (CONT'D) Don’t, like, tell people about it, okay? Don’t tell Susie. Or Mom.
Harry puts a hand on Calvin’s shoulder. HARRY I’m not saying you can’t write. You could write since you could hold a crayon. I’m saying you don’t know jack shit about girls. Calvin cracks the smallest possible smile. 32
EXT. CALVIN’S HOUSE.
EVENING.
32
Harry starts the motor as Susie gets in the car. SUSIE Don’t let those leftovers go to waste, okay skinny? Harry leans out the window. HARRY Golf tomorrow?
(CONTINUED)
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26.
CONTINUED:
32 CALVIN I’m seeing Cyrus. (He softens.) Maybe Friday.
Harry smiles, pulls away. 33
*
Calvin watches them go.
INT. CALVIN’S KITCHEN. LATER.
33
Calvin stands in front of the “women’s things” drawer. holds up the bra. Examines it, quizzical. 34
INT. CALVIN’S OFFICE.
He
LATER.
34
Calvin’s hands on the typewriter keys, tapping out words. CLOSE ON his face. His mouth moves as he writes. CALVIN (O.S.) This thing is dripping everywhere. EXT.
POOL.
* *
NIGHT.
*
Calvin and Ruby eat burgers and fries by the pool. tucking a napkin in his shirt. Ruby watches him.
He is
CALVIN How are you supposed to eat these?
* *
Ruby laughs. What?
* *
* CALVIN (CONT'D)
* *
RUBY You’re so not my type.
* *
CALVIN What do you mean, I’m not your type?
* *
RUBY I just usually go for guys who are more... Assertive.
* * *
CALVIN I’m assertive.
* *
RUBY You’re stubborn. That’s different. (Eats a fry) I had this one boyfriend who told me I wasn’t funny, but that I had a good sense of humor. Because I laughed at his jokes.
* * * * * * *
(CONTINUED)
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27.
CONTINUED: CALVIN Why would you date a guy like that?
* *
RUBY I was young. You must have things you regret.
* * *
Nope. Mmm.
CALVIN Everything’s been perfect so far.
* *
RUBY
* *
CALVIN So is that what you look for in a guy? Douchiness?
* * *
RUBY No. I was looking for you. I just didn’t find you for a while.
* * *
Calvin leans in to kiss her. She jumps up, runs, and leaps into the pool, fully clothed. RUBY (CONT’D) JUMP!!!!!!!!!
* * * *
A spash as she hits the water. Calvin stands and dives in after her. Bodies under water. Over, we hear:
* *
RUBY (V.O.) (CONT’D) What did you think the first time you saw me?
* * *
CALVIN (V.O.) I thought you were the prettiest girl I ever saw.
* * *
RUBY (V.O.) Were you disappointed? know me?
* * *
When you got to
CALVIN (V.O.) How can you ask that?
* *
RUBY (V.O.) I’m such a mess.
* *
CALVIN I love your mess.
* *
(CONTINUED)
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28.
CONTINUED: (2) RUBY (V.O.) You know what I thought the first time I saw you? I thought: Look at that beautiful boy. I’m going to love him forever and ever and ever.
* * * * *
CALVIN (V.O.) What if you get sick of me?
* *
I won’t. 36
RUBY (V.O.) I promise.
INT. CALVIN’S OFFICE.
SAME.
36
Calvin sits, looking at the words he’s typed. He closes his eyes. PRELAP: 37
* *
“I promise.”
* *
PHONE RINGING.
INT. CALVIN’S OFFICE.
MORNING.
37
Calvin wakes with a start. Drooling onto his typewriter. The phone is ringing and his cell phone alarm is going off. Shiiiiit.
CALVIN
He looks at the time. CALVIN (CONT'D) Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. The phone is still ringing. answer it. Hello?
Calvin suddenly remembers to
CALVIN (CONT'D)
Just missed the call. He jumps up, dialing his cellphone as he rushes into his bedroom. CALVIN (CONT'D) Pick up pick up pick up pick-Hell-o. Cyrus!
CYRUS (O.S.)
*
CALVIN
*
CYRUS (O.S.) Where the fuck are you, buddy?
*
(CONTINUED)
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37
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29.
CONTINUED:
37 CALVIN I’m sorry, I was writing and I--
He throws the cell on the bed so he can dress as he talks. CALVIN (CONT'D) (Shouting at the phone) I was writing and I fell asleep at my desk! I will be right there! Calvin picks up his cell, grabs his wallet and keys. CYRUS If you aren’t ready to talk about it, we can always do this another--
*
Calvin grabs the pages of the manuscript off his desk. CALVIN No, I want to show you what I have. Calvin runs down the stairs. CALVIN (CONT'D) Give me fifteen minutes, if there isn’t any traffic, I should-Scotty is sitting in front of the door. Fuck. What?
CALVIN (CONT'D) Scotty. CYRUS (O.S.)
*
Calvin grabs Scotty’s collar and reverses direction.
*
CALVIN Nothing. My dog needs to pee, it’s fine, I’ll leave him in the yard-RUBY (O.C.) I can take him out. CALVIN Oh, great, thanks. Calvin reverses direction toward the door again, then does a MASSIVE DOUBLE TAKE. Standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but Calvin’s tee and her undies, is RUBY. She is eating cereal.
(CONTINUED)
*
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30.
CONTINUED: (2)
37
Calvin stands, gape mouthed, looking at her. RUBY I missed you in bed last night. CYRUS (O.S.)
Cal?
*
RUBY You get much writing done? CYRUS (O.S.)
Hello?
*
Ruby watches him curiously, chomping on cereal. CYRUS (O.S.) (CONT'D) Are you there?
Hello? Calvin hangs up.
Stares at Ruby.
*
She holds out her spoon.
RUBY Want a bite? It’s Crispex. Calvin sits down, puts his head in his hands. Oh god.
CALVIN Oh god.
Calvin?
RUBY Are you okay?
CALVIN It’s happening, it’s really happening this time. What?
RUBY What’s wrong?
CALVIN They’re going hospitalize me, they’re going to put me in manacles and lobotomize me. They all thought I was sooo smart. Turns out I’m just bat shit-Hey--
RUBY
She touches his shoulder. up his butt.
* *
He jumps like someone put a finger
CALVIN What the fuck!!!!!!!!!! (CONTINUED)
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31.
CONTINUED: (3)
37
RUBY Jesus Christ!!!!!! alone!! She storms out of the room.
Fine, I’ll leave you Calvin freaks out to himself.
*
CALVIN It’s not real it’s not real, it’s all in my head, I’m dreaming. I’m dreaming, and I’m going to wake up right...NOW. He opens his eyes. No one is there. Scotty sits there panting happily. Everything’s normal. Then: Calvin?
RUBY (O.S.)
*
Calvin turns. Ruby is standing in the doorway. like a little girl.
She looks
RUBY (CONT'D) Are you mad at me? 37A
INT. KITCHEN.
JUST AFTER.
37A
Calvin is on the phone, leaving a message. His back is turned to Ruby, who is cracking eggs into a bowl.
*
CALVIN Dr. Rosenthal, it’s Calvin Weir-Fields. Something has, um, come up, and I’d appreciate it if you called me? Calvin checks behind him.
Ruby finds a whisk.
CALVIN (CONT'D) (Finishing his message) Um. As soon as possible. He hangs up.
Ruby beats the eggs.
Calvin stares at her.
RUBY Hey, I was thinking of making these pretty spicy. Is that okay? Calvin slaps his own face. Calvin?
* *
Ruby looks alarmed.
RUBY (CONT'D)
Calvin shakes his head vigorously.
* She’s still there.
(CONTINUED)
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32.
CONTINUED:
37A RUBY (CONT'D) What’s wrong?
*
CALVIN Nothing, nothing, everything. by any chance, yours?
Are these,
He pulls a handful of girlie stuff out of the drawer.
*
RUBY Yeah, of course they are, who else’s would they be? (Turning pale) Oh god. Are you...are you seeing someone else?
* *
Calvin laughs, a little hysterical. CALVIN No. No. I’m not...seeing anyone. Other than you. He laughs again, more hysterical.
Ruby looks worried.
CALVIN (CONT'D) Will you excuse me? 38
INT. CALVIN’S OFFICE.
JUST AFTER.
38
Close on the phone sitting on the desk. CALVIN (O.C.) Remember how Dad used to say I had an “over-active imagination”? We travel down the phone cord to find Calvin, hiding under his desk, cradling the receiver. HARRY (O.S.) (On the phone) Wait. Ruby is in your house. CALVIN I started seeing her this morning. It’s like that movie “Harvey.” Except she’s not a giant rabbit. It’s not like she knows she’s imaginary, either. She thinks we’re in the relationship in my book. It is freaking me out. CUT BETWEEN:
*
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38A
INT.
HARRY’S OFFICE.
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33.
SIMULTANEOUS.
38A
Harry, in the middle of a very important-looking meeting. HARRY Calvin, I’m in the middle of a meeting. CALVIN But this is an emergency. losing my mind.
I may be
HARRY Look. There is no possible way that “Ruby” is in your house, because she is not a real person. CALVIN I know she’s not! not!
Stop telling me she’s
HARRY Is this about last night? have said anything.
I shouldn’t
CALVIN No no no no. I know objectively she’s not real, but I’m telling you: I can see her, I can smell her, when she touched me, I could feel it. She’s making eggs in my kitchen. Actual eggs. Silence. Harry?
CALVIN (CONT'D)
HARRY (sotto voce) Calvin. I am at work. I am in a very important meeting. I cannot handle your shit right now. Calvin emits a high-pitched keening sound. HARRY (CONT'D) Listen to me. I want you to leave the house. See a friend. A friend who can’t see your imaginary friend. If this is still an issue tonight, we will talk. Okay? Okay.
CALVIN
(CONTINUED)
*
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CONTINUED:
34. 38A
HARRY And Calvin? Do not under any circumstances call Mom about this. CALVIN What do you think I am, crazy? Silence on the phone. CALVIN (CONT'D) I’ll phone a friend.
*
LATER. Calvin, on the phone, sorts through papers on his desk. CALVIN (CONT’D) It’s Calvin. Weir-Fields? From high school? Yeah, the writer. I sat next to you in Spanish class. No requerdes? A small scrap of paper slips out: “It’s Mabel, Call me! 310555-0597.” Calvin picks it up. CALVIN (CONT'D) Yeah, actually, I gotta go. 39
INT. CALVIN’S HOUSE.
JUST AFTER.
39
Calvin eases his office door open. Silence. He tiptoes down the hall. Stealthily picks up his keys. Slides his shoes on. Opens the front door. RUBY (O.S.) Where are you going? Calvin jumps.
Ruby’s at the top of the stairs.
Out. Where?
*
CALVIN RUBY
CALVIN ...The store. RUBY Can I come? No.
CALVIN
(CONTINUED)
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39
35.
CONTINUED:
39 Why not? Because. Please? No. ...Please?
40
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RUBY
*
CALVIN
*
RUBY CALVIN
*
RUBY
*
INT. CALVIN’S CAR. JUST AFTER.
40
Calvin drives, gripping the wheel. Ruby turns the radio on. Calvin stares at her. The radio. Back at the road. 41
EXT. SILVERLAKE. STREET.
LATER.
Calvin feeds the parking meter.
41 Ruby leans sweetly on him.
RUBY Hey, I heard they’re doing a Zombie Film Festival at the cemetery, you wanna go?
* *
Calvin leads her toward a store.
*
RUBY (CONT'D) We could do a shot every time someone gets bitten. Calvin looks around, makes sure no one will see him talking to thin air, then gives Ruby a push toward the store: Okay, bye.
CALVIN
He starts to walk off. RUBY Where are you going? Nowhere.
CALVIN
Ruby pins him with her eyes. CALVIN (CONT'D) Cafe Figaro. I’ve got this friend. won’t take long.
It
*
(CONTINUED)
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36.
CONTINUED:
41 RUBY What am I supposed to do? CALVIN Stay here, check out the shops. back soon.
Ruby looks at him.
Inscrutable.
I’ll be
*
Then:
RUBY Okay, have fun. She goes into the store. 42
INT. CAFE FIGARO.
Calvin shakes his head, walks away.
LATER.
42 *
Late afternoon, the restaurant is full of stragglers. Mabel and Calvin sit in a corner with some drinks. She looks much younger than she did at the party. MABEL When I didn’t hear from you right away I figured you lost my number or something. That’s what my roommate said must have happened. Mabel looks at Calvin expectantly. say something.
Calvin realizes he has to
CALVIN Oh, no, I didn’t lose your number. She’s still looking at him, waiting for an explanation. CALVIN (CONT'D) Actually the night I met you, I started writing something. So that’s been really consuming. MABEL The night you met me? mind. Am I in it?
Am I... Never
CALVIN I can’t really talk about it. MABEL Right, right, of course not. Beat.
*
She gets really excited.
(CONTINUED)
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CONTINUED:
37. 42
MABEL (CONT'D) But if I am in it, like when it comes out in stores, will you tell me which character I am? CALVIN You’re not in it. MABEL But if I am. Beat. CALVIN I will let you know. Awesome. She grins at Calvin. So.
MABEL He takes a sip of his drink.
MABEL (CONT'D) Do you do this a lot?
Do what?
CALVIN
MABEL Meet up in the middle of the day for sex. Calvin chokes on his drink. CALVIN No, no, that’s not... I just wanted someone to talk to. MABEL Men never just want to talk to girls. I do.
CALVIN
MABEL (Flirtatious) If you say so.
*
CALVIN Are you...Are you even legal? MABEL I mean, not to drink, but yeah. somewhere?
Wanna go
(CONTINUED)
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38.
CONTINUED: (2)
42 RUBY (O.C.)
Hi. Calvin jumps.
Ruby is standing at his shoulder.
RUBY (CONT'D) I’m sorry, am I interrupting? Calvin looks away, desperate not to be the guy talking to his imaginary friend in front of his underage date. MABEL What’s going on? CALVIN Nothing, I thought I heard something. You wanna get out of here? Calvin?! Um.
RUBY
* * *
MABEL Do you know this girl?
Mabel is looking right at Ruby.
Calvin stares in disbelief.
RUBY (Pretend friendly) Hi, I’m Ruby. Calvin’s girlfriend? don’t think we’ve met.
I
* *
MABEL (Standing) Um, Mabel, I’m, um, a friend of Calvin’s. I was just going.
*
CALVIN (To Mabel) Wait wait wait. You can see her? RUBY She can see me, I can see her. honestly think--
* * *
Did you
CALVIN (To Mabel, urgent) Stop. You can see... (Pointing at Ruby) Her.
* * * * *
(CONTINUED)
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39.
CONTINUED: (3)
42
MABEL Please don’t make this worse. (To Ruby) I’m sorry, I didn’t know.
*
CALVIN What is this? Did Harry put you up to this?
* *
RUBY Your brother’s in on this?!
* *
MABEL I don’t know what’s going on here. it was nice meeting you. (To Calvin) Have fun “writing.”
Ruby,
*
Mabel walks away. RUBY Who the fuck was that?
*
Calvin grabs a busboy and points urgently at Ruby. CALVIN Can you see her? Calvin!
RUBY Answer me!
* *
BUSBOY ...Can I see her? Calvin grabs the busboy’s hand and jabs at Ruby. makes solid contact. Hey!
* * The hand
RUBY
BUSBOY What’s wrong with you, man?
* * * * *
CALVIN (Hushed, amazed) She’s real. Ruby picks up Calvin’s water glass, throws it at him and storms out.
* *
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40.
JUST AFTER.
*
Ruby charges down the street. Calvin (all wet) comes running out of the restaurant after her. Ruby!
CALVIN Wait!
* *
She rounds on him, furious.
* * He ducks her blows.
*
RUBY Leave me alone!
* *
CALVIN Wait, listen--
* *
Ruby takes off running. Calvin runs after her, tries to grab her. She fends him off with her purse and hands. RUBY Let go of me! Let go!
* * * *
A MALE PASSERBY pops out of his car.
*
MALE PASSERBY Are you okay?
* *
RUBY Get away from me!
* *
Calvin backs off, hands in the air.
*
MALE PASSERBY Should I call the police?
* *
RUBY No, I’m fine. He’s just being a complete asshole.
* * *
MALE PASSERBY Are you sure?
* *
RUBY Yeah, I’m fine.
Seriously.
* *
Thank you.
The Passerby gets in his car. Ruby brushes herself off. Calvin looks around to make sure no one is watching. RUBY (CONT'D) I should have known there was something wrong. You’ve been acting like such a freak all day--
* * * * * *
(CONTINUED)
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41.
CONTINUED: Just as the Passerby pulls away from the curb, Calvin grabs Ruby and scoops her over his shoulder.
* *
RUBY (CONT'D) Put me down! Put me down!
* *
Hey!
Calvin runs down the street away from the cafe.
*
RUBY (CONT'D) Put me down or I’ll scream!
* *
He continues walking. Stop it!
Ruby screams.
Calvin drops her.
CALVIN Stop it!
* *
Calvin claps his hand over her mouth. She tries to bite him. He immobilizes her jaw with his other hand. CALVIN (CONT'D) Do not bite. There is a lot that is new here. More than I can tell you. And I’m having trouble processing it all. Okay?! Ruby pulls his hands away from her mouth. RUBY Then talk to me! another girl!
*
* * * * * * *
Don’t go on a date with
* * *
CALVIN It wasn’t a date.
* *
RUBY I mean, what is going on with you?
* *
CALVIN I’m sorry. I don’t know, I am just... trying to wrap my head around the reality of this situation.
* * * *
He puts his hands on her arms, gingerly, feeling her skin. CALVIN (CONT'D) That you’re here, that you’re real. all seems... pretty incredible.
What?
* * *
It
Ruby looks up at Calvin’s sweet vulnerable face. changes inside her.
*
Something
CALVIN (CONT'D)
* * * *
(CONTINUED)
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42.
CONTINUED: (2) RUBY Kiss me, stupid.
* *
Calvin looks into her eyes. He leans in. Their lips come closer, closer...and finally touch. They kiss. Soft and sweet. Calvin pulls away, his eyes wide with wonder. Holy shit.
CALVIN
He kisses her again, passionate this time. ZOMBIE MOANING as: 44
* * * * *
PRELAP SOUND OF A
EXT. CEMETARY. NIGHT.
44
On screen, a Zombie attacks! We pan over the moviegoers until we land on: Ruby and Calvin doing shots and laughing. CUT between screen zombies and shots as we start to hear INFECTIOUS HAPPY MUSIC ramp up. CUT TO: 45
INT. LOS ANGELES BAR.
*
NIGHT.
*
45 *
Ruby and Calvin dancing like fools. The music is literally too loud to hear what anyone is saying. The song builds to a high. Ruby screams something at Calvin. CALVIN (Subtitled) WHAT? RUBY (Subtitled) I TOOK OFF MY PANTIES! CALVIN (Subtitled) WHAT? RUBY (Subtitled) MEET ME IN THE BATHROOM, I’M NOT WEARING ANY PANTIES! CALVIN (Subtitled) WHAT? Ruby holds up her panties. Calvin’s eyes get big. Ruby gestures toward the bathroom. Calvin grins hugely. CUT TO:
* * *
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43.
INT. EL COYOTE RESTAURANT. EARLY EVENING.
47 *
A dark dive bar in a cheap Mexican restaurant. Harry is staring at Calvin in disbelief. Calvin swills a chip in the bowl of guacamole, takes a bite. CALVIN You know that thing at the beginning of a relationship where you forget to eat? I may need an actual meal here. Harry continues to stare.
*
* *
Calvin sighs.
CALVIN (CONT'D) Look. I know it’s a lot to take in. But you have to believe me. She’s real. I don’t know how or why, but she’s here and she’s real. And I like it.
* *
HARRY ...Real as in other people can see her. CALVIN That’s what I’m trying to tell you. We’ve been to restaurants, we take Scotty to the park. People talk to her. She’s very friendly. HARRY That’s impossible. CALVIN Apparently not. HARRY What does Dr. Rosenthal say? Calvin looks away, eats another chip. HARRY (CONT'D) Are you fucking serious? This is why people have shrinks. For when they start seeing things.
*
CALVIN I’m not “seeing things”--
* *
Calvin.
HARRY Call him.
*
* *
CALVIN No. I told him about Ruby when she was just a character. He won’t understand.
* * (CONTINUED)
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44.
CONTINUED:
47 HARRY Call him or I’m telling Mom.
*
CALVIN He’ll think I’m crazy.
*
HARRY You are crazy. CALVIN The situation is crazy, I am not. HARRY Do you hear yourself? There is no possible way that you are sleeping with a girl that you MADE UP. 48
INT. CALVIN’S HOUSE. LATER.
* 48
Calvin opens the front door, Harry behind him. CALVIN (whispering) She doesn’t know that I wrote her, so please don’t say anything about the manuscript, okay?
* * * *
HARRY Yeah, okay. (Talking to the air) Hi, Ruby, great to meet you! (Back to Calvin) Can we call the doctor now? Cal!!!!
RUBY (O.S.)
Harry stops in his tracks. jumps into Calvin’s arms.
*
Ruby streaks across screen and
RUBY (CONT'D) What took you so long? Calvin grins at Harry, who looks like his eyes are about to fall out of his head. Ruby registers Harry, gets down.
*
CALVIN Ruby, this is my brother Harry. Ruby gives Harry a big hug. discombobulated.
Harry looks completely
(CONTINUED)
*
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CONTINUED:
45. 48
RUBY Harry! I feel like I know you, Calvin talks so much about you.
*
HARRY You’re...Ruby. Yup.
RUBY
HARRY The painter. From Dayton Ohio. RUBY Uh huh. Are you staying for supper? making meatloaf.
49
I’m
*
CALVIN She’s an amazing cook.
*
HARRY Yeah. Can I talk to you for a second? Outside?
* * *
EXT. CALVIN’S YARD.
JUST AFTER.
Harry and Calvin stand on the steps.
49 Harry is furious.
*
HARRY What’d you do, hire some actress? Craig’s list? This isn’t funny. CALVIN I told you, she just appeared. HARRY You’re a writer! Fucking Jay!
You are not Ricky
CALVIN (”Don’t be silly”) I know that, Harry. HARRY There has to be some logical explanation. CALVIN Love isn’t logical. HARRY No, but you know what is? Physics! Or metaphysics! Whatever! People don’t appear out of thin air. (CONTINUED)
*
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46.
CONTINUED:
49 She did! HOW?!
CALVIN
*
HARRY
CALVIN I don’t know how!
* * It’s love, it’s magic.
Harry pulls his phone out.
* * *
CALVIN (CONT'D) What are you doing?
* *
HARRY Calling your doctor.
* *
Calvin physically stops him.
*
CALVIN Harry. Harry. Stop. Listen to me. Remember when you met Susie? Remember what you told me?
* *
HARRY I certainly didn’t pretend I invented her, Calvin. CALVIN You said she was your dream girl. That’s what happened to me. My heart got broken in a thousand pieces, I didn’t think I would ever love anyone again. And then I had a dream, and the dream made me think, hey, maybe there is a girl out there for me. I imagined what she looked like and smelled like and all her favorite things. And one day I woke up and she was there. And turns out, she makes me happy. She makes me feel not alone on this planet. Now I know this isn’t how most people meet--
*
Harry laughs. CALVIN (CONT'D) Don’t laugh at me. Harry looks at his little brother.
He looks so serious.
HARRY Hasn’t it occurred to you that she might be an imposter? (MORE)
*
(CONTINUED)
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CONTINUED: (2)
47. 49
HARRY (CONT'D) That some girl maybe wanted to get close to you, and somehow got her hands on what you wrote, and--
* *
CALVIN No one’s read my manuscript except for you. So unless you’re playing some terrible joke... Harry thinks for a moment.
Calvin watches him.
HARRY Okay. Let’s say you...created this person. Everything you wrote about her came true, right? Even the smallest things? Yes.
CALVIN
HARRY Have you tried writing more? No.
CALVIN
*
HARRY Write something about her. Why?
CALVIN She’s perfect.
HARRY Write something and see if it comes true. If it does, then you’re right and this is a fucking miracle. If nothing changes, then...maybe we go to the police. 50
INT. CALVIN’S KITCHEN.
JUST AFTER.
Calvin and Harry scuttle in, guiltily.
50 Ruby is at the stove.
CALVIN Hey. We’re going to check something. Something online. The boys sidle out of the room.
Ruby looks amused.
RUBY (Calling after them) Were you guys getting stoned?
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INT. CALVIN’S OFFICE.
6/09/11 Draft
48.
JUST AFTER.
51
Calvin and Harry rush in. Calvin sits at his typewriter, Harry shuts the door behind them. CALVIN Okay, here’s where I left off. He presses return to start a new paragraph. Now what?
CALVIN (CONT'D)
HARRY It has to be something we’d notice right away. Something obvious. CALVIN What she’s wearing. HARRY What she’s wearing! Yes! (Beat) What was she wearing? The boys sit there.
Long pause.
CALVIN Was it pink? HARRY I’ve got it. He whispers something in Calvin’s ear. Calvin looks at him, shrugs, and types. We see the words he’s typing: Suddenly and inexplicably, Ruby began to speak in French. She had no awareness she was doing so. They wait. Okay...
HARRY (CONT'D)
Then we hear: RUBY (O.S.) (Slight French accent) Calvin! Harry! Bon Appetit! The boys’ eyes grow wider.
*
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INT. CALVIN’S KITCHEN.
6/09/11 Draft
49.
JUST AFTER.
52
Ruby is bringing the meatloaf to the table when they walk in. RUBY C’est tres chau mais je pense que l’on devrait manger. Cal, est-ce que tu peux aller chercher le vin? Harry, reste, s’il-te plait, nous avons beaucoup a manger. Pourquoi est-ce-que vous me regardez comme ca? [It’s very hot, but I think we should eat. Cal, will you grab the wine? Harry, please stay, we have so much food. Why are you guys looking at me like that?] Calvin is elated.
* * * * * * * * * *
Harry is dumbfounded.
RUBY (CONT'D) Quoi? Qu’est-ce qu’il y a? [What? What is it?]
* * *
Harry starts laughing nervously.
*
RUBY (CONT'D) (Pissed) Ca n’est pa marrant. [This isn’t funny, guys.]
* * *
CALVIN I’ll be right back. something.
*
I have to do
RUBY Faire quoi? [Do what?] Calvin leaves the room.
* * * Harry and Ruby are alone.
*
RUBY (CONT'D) (Annoyed) Je ne vois vraiment pas ce qu’il y a de si amusant. [I don’t see what’s so funny.] 52A
INT. CALVIN’S OFFICE.
SIMULTANEOUS.
* * * * 52A *
Calvin runs in, types frantically. 52B
INT. CALVIN’S KITCHEN.
JUST AFTER.
* 52B *
Calvin hurries in with a fancy bottle of wine, attempting to cover his tracks. (CONTINUED)
* *
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50.
CONTINUED:
52B CALVIN I think this occasion calls for a special bottle of wine!
* * *
RUBY (Now in English) Great. Your brother looks like he could use a drink.
* * * *
Behind Ruby’s back, Harry gives Calvin a wild thumbs-up. 53
INT. CALVIN’S DINING ROOM.
LATER.
* 53 *
Wine gets poured into a glass. Ruby, Calvin, and Harry sit around the table, the remnants of dinner around them. HARRY I have to say, that was the best meatloaf I have ever had. RUBY Thanks, it’s a family recipe.
*
She pours more wine. Harry mouths “Family recipe?” shrugs. Ruby sits back in her chair.
Calvin
* *
HARRY So, your family...is in Ohio?
* *
RUBY Um, my parents died in an accident when I was just a baby. I got moved around a lot. I guess the habit stuck--I’ve lived in... (Quick finger count) Nine cities in the last six years? So, yeah...I’m sorry, I’m totally monopolizing the conversation.
* * * * * * * * *
No.
HARRY This is fascinating.
* *
Ruby smiles.
*
RUBY What nice boys. Your mom must be so proud. It’s hard to raise a decent guy.
* * *
HARRY Oh, I think a person would have to do something pretty amazing to produce a good woman.
(CONTINUED)
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51.
CONTINUED:
53
Calvin kicks Harry under the table. RUBY Well, I certainly gave the people who raised me a run for their money. I bet.
*
HARRY
*
Calvin gets up. CALVIN Okay, great, you guys like each other. I think Harry has to go now. Right, buddy? Get back home? Ruby smiles at Harry.
54
RUBY He can be such a control freak, right?
*
HARRY You can’t even imagine.
*
EXT. CALVIN’S HOUSE. JUST AFTER. Ruby waves goodbye at the door. stands next to him, waving.
54 Calvin waves back.
Harry
CALVIN Be right back! Harry turns and walks. So?
* * * *
Calvin hurries to keep up with him.
CALVIN (CONT'D)
* * *
HARRY (Sotto voce) Get in the car.
* * *
CALVIN
* *
What? Get.
HARRY In the car.
* *
Harry beeps open his car, gets in. Calvin gets in next to him and closes the door. Beat of silence. Then Harry explodes. HARRY (CONT'D) That...was...INSANE!!!!!
* * * *
(CONTINUED)
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CONTINUED:
52. 54
Harry shakes the steering wheel.
Calvin laughs.
*
HARRY (CONT'D) How did this happen?
INSANE!
* *
CALVIN I have no idea, I didn’t even know I could change her--
* * *
HARRY You manifested a woman with your mind!!! Mom is going to freak.
* *
Whoah.
CALVIN Harry. You can’t tell Mom.
Why not? shit.
*
HARRY She loves all that New Age
CALVIN Seriously. You can’t tell anyone. Mom, not Susie. No one.
Not
* *
HARRY But this is amazing! How can you not-Harry. freak.
*
CALVIN No one. They’ll think she’s a
HARRY So...what? We’re just going to pretend she’s your girlfriend?
*
CALVIN She is my girlfriend. Harry stops dead cold. Seriously? Why not?
*
HARRY
CALVIN Stranger things have happened.
*
HARRY I don’t think so. I think this is pretty much the strangest thing that’s ever happened EVER. What are you going to do, marry her? Have kids with her? Wouldn’t that be like incest? Mind-cest?
(CONTINUED)
* * * * *
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53.
CONTINUED: (2)
54
CALVIN I don’t know. I don’t care. I love her. Please don’t ruin this for me. Harry. Promise me. No one. Calvin looks at Harry. Fine. Thank you.
Hard.
Harry sighs.
HARRY CALVIN
Calvin opens the car door to get out. hand to stop him. Um.
* * *
* Harry puts out his
HARRY So you can like...change her.
I guess.
* *
CALVIN
HARRY So...you could like tweak things. wanted.
* *
* * If you
Calvin pulls the car door shut again.
* * * *
CALVIN What do you mean, like what?
* *
HARRY Like... I don’t know, anything! Big tits! Long legs! Think “Weird Science.”
*
CALVIN I like her little legs. HARRY Do you know how many times I’ve wanted a button to make Susie stop doing all the annoying shit she does? You could have blow jobs whenever you wanted. CALVIN Ruby loves giving blow jobs. HARRY Yeah now, but what about in a couple months? Or days? Women are mysterious creatures. I still look at Susie and think “Who are you?”
*
(CONTINUED)
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54.
CONTINUED: (3)
54
CALVIN I know Ruby. I wrote her. HARRY So you could make her do anything. For men everywhere: tell me you’re not going to let that go to waste. Calvin looks down the dark street, the LA skyline all lit up in the distance. He looks back at Harry. CALVIN No. I can’t do that to her. write about her again.
I’ll never
*
Harry exhales heavily. 55
INT. CALVIN’S OFFICE.
* JUST AFTER.
55
Calvin removes the page from his typewriter. We briefly glimpse the last two sentences, about Ruby speaking French and setting her back to normal. Calvin stacks this page with the rest of his manuscript. He opens a desk drawer, places the manuscript inside, closes the drawer and locks it. RUBY (O.S.)
Calvin? Calvin whips around. So?
*
How much did she see?
RUBY (CONT'D) Did he like me?
CALVIN He loved you. She jumps into his arms.
*
They kiss.
* FADE TO BLACK.
*
PRELAP: THE SOUNDS OF AN ELECTRONIC GAME. 57
INT. CALVIN’S CAR.
MONTHS LATER.
* *
DAY.
57 *
Terrible traffic. Calvin drives. Ruby, slightly different hair, plays a game on Calvin’s phone. CALVIN Please don’t do that, you’ll run my battery down.
* * * *
(CONTINUED)
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55.
CONTINUED:
57 RUBY Hang on, I’m almost at the next level--
Calvin’s phone rings.
* *
Ruby accidentally presses “Accept.”
CALVIN If that’s my mom, don’t--
* * *
GERTRUDE (O.S.)
Hello?
Calvin shoots Ruby a look.
She laughs, covers her mouth.
GERTRUDE (O.S.) (CONT'D) Hello, is anyone there? Yeah, hi.
* * *
CALVIN
* *
GERTRUDE (O.S.) Oh, hi sweetie. I wasn’t sure you were there.
* * *
CALVIN What do you want, Mom?
*
GERTRUDE (O.S.) I was just wondering if you were going to make it up this weekend?
*
CALVIN I told you, we can’t this weekend, we’re busy. Ruby mouths “Busy?”
Calvin shushes her with his hand.
GERTRUDE (O.S.) With what? Your brother says you haven’t been writing.
*
CALVIN He doesn’t know. GERTRUDE (O.S.) You’ve been with this girl for months and I still haven’t met her. I’m beginning to think she doesn’t exist. What?
No.
*
CALVIN I mean, yes--
GERTRUDE (O.S.) So when can I meet her?
*
(CONTINUED)
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56.
CONTINUED: (2) Soon.
57 CALVIN
Ruby gets excited. GERTRUDE (O.S.) Next weekend?
* *
Ruby nods yes vigorously.
*
CALVIN Um, next weekend... I think we have something.
*
Ruby rolls her eyes, looks out the window. 58-59
*
OMITTED
58-59
INT. CALVIN’S BEDROOM. NIGHT.
*
[NOTE: Calvin’s house, once spare, has become colorful and even cluttered with Ruby’s things. We might see this in a change of bedspread, posters, knickknacks.]
* * *
Ruby lies in bed reading. Calvin is putting Scotty to bed. There’s a blanket draped over Scotty’s crate and Calvin has crawled halfway in, so his head is hidden and his butt and legs stick out in a funny way.
* * * *
CALVIN Scotty, give me a kiss. Daddy loves you. You’re a good dog. Good dog.
* * *
RUBY Why can’t we go up to Big Sur?
* *
Calvin emerges from the crate.
*
CALVIN We’d have to find someone to watch Scotty.
* * *
RUBY We could take him with us.
* *
CALVIN I don’t know, Mort, and their house is all weird...
* * *
RUBY You don’t want me to meet your mom.
* *
(CONTINUED)
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57.
CONTINUED: CALVIN Of course I want you to meet her. I’ll ask her to come down for Christmas, okay? Ruby goes back to her book. Calvin stands by the bed, waiting for her to move over.
* *
CALVIN (CONT'D) Come on, scoot.
* *
RUBY Let’s switch places tonight.
* *
CALVIN But that’s my side.
* *
RUBY Just for tonight.
* *
Calvin looks at her, then crawls over awkwardly. They settle into their new places. He curls into her. Then:
* *
RUBY (CONT'D) You know that new coffee shop on Dwyer? I’ve been thinking I might try to get a job there.
* * * *
CALVIN I told you, I’m happy to support you while you paint.
* * *
RUBY But I haven’t been painting.
* *
You will.
CALVIN
He puts a hand up her shirt.
Ruby does.
* * *
* * She pushes him away, gently.
*
RUBY I’m sleepy.
* *
CALVIN Then let’s turn out the light.
* *
Silence as they curl into each other.
Then:
RUBY It’s just, maybe if I wasn’t around all the time, you’d be able to write more. When we met, weren’t you working on something?
* * * * * *
(CONTINUED)
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58.
CONTINUED: (2) Calvin turns the light back on.
*
CALVIN I thought you liked spending time together.
* * *
RUBY
I do.
* *
CALVIN So why do you care if I’m working or not? I don’t.
RUBY I just want you to be happy.
CALVIN I am happy. Good.
* * * * * *
RUBY
* *
She smiles. Calvin shakes his head and turns out the light. They curl up again. Then:
* *
RUBY (CONT'D) It’s just...if you aren’t serious about me, I think I should probably start to invest in something else.
* * * *
Calvin turns on the light again. What?
*
CALVIN What does that mean?
* *
Ruby shrugs.
*
CALVIN (CONT'D) How could I be more serious about you? Ruby shrugs.
*
CALVIN (CONT'D) I’m the most serious about you. (Trying to make her laugh) I’m crazy serious about you. I’m seriously serious about you. Okay.
* *
* * * * *
RUBY Good night.
She kisses his cheek and turns off the light. there in the dark.
* * Calvin sits
* *
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59.
INT. BEDROOM. MORNING.
*
Ruby opens her eyes. Calvin is throwing things in a bag. Ruby sits up.
* *
RUBY What are you doing?
* *
CALVIN Packing for our road trip.
* *
Ruby smiles big.
*
PRELAP MUSIC OVER:
*
INT. CALVIN’S CAR.
DAY.
64
Calvin drives, Ruby beside him, Scotty in the back. The everchanging Southern Californian vista: high rises, freeways, minimarts, taquerias, and miles and miles of ocean. Ruby feeds Calvin as he drives. Scotty hangs out the window. Ruby’s feet rest on the dash. SONG FADES OUT as they pull up in front of: 65
EXT. MORT AND GERTRUDE’S HOUSE. An intricate hippy experiment. door. Calvin stops her.
EARLY EVENING.
65
Ruby starts to open the car
*
CALVIN Wait. Why don’t we stay somewhere else tonight? There’s a thousand bed and breakfasts around here... Calvin.
RUBY
CALVIN You don’t get it. So?
RUBY You’re weird.
They’re weird. I like you.
CALVIN No. Weird. Like ESP believing, tempeh eating, Ralph Nader voting weird. It’s like the museum of weirdness in there, believe me you’re not going to like--
* * *
A sudden rapping at the window. Calvin jumps. Gertrude (60s, wild looking) waves through the window ecstatically.
(CONTINUED)
*
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60.
CONTINUED:
65 GERTRUDE Finally!!!! You’re here you’re here you’re here!!!
* *
Ruby throws open her door and runs around the car. opens his door reluctantly.
Calvin
* *
RUBY Hi, I’m Ruby! Ruby! They hug. 66
INT.
* *
GERTRUDE It’s so great to finally meet you.
* *
Ruby grins at Calvin.
*
MORT AND GERTRUDE’S HOUSE.
JUST AFTER.
66 *
Gertrude leads Ruby and Calvin through the front gate.
*
RUBY Your garden is amazing.
* *
GERTRUDE All the plants have medicinal purposes.
* *
CALVIN “Medicinal.”
* *
RUBY That’s amazing.
* *
GERTRUDE He started it in 1980, but he’s just kept adding to it. It’s his masterpiece.
* * *
RUBY Mort built all this?
* *
GERTRUDE Can you believe it?
* *
Yessssss.
CALVIN
* *
They enter the living room, a pirate’s den/hashish palace.
*
GERTRUDE And this is where we live.
* *
RUBY This is so beautiful. some kind of temple.
* * *
I feel like I’m in
(CONTINUED)
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61.
CONTINUED:
66 GERTRUDE Ah! I can’t believe you said that! Calvin! She’s so intuitive. What?
* * *
RUBY
* *
GERTRUDE Mort got this wood from Amish land. It was blessed. And the bricks are from a Catholic school that was torn down! Oh wow.
* * * *
RUBY
Calvin rolls his eyes.
* *
Gertrude leads them down a hall.
GERTRUDE (Pointing) Upstairs; dining room; that’s my study, please don’t go in, I’m re-alphabetizing-A glimpse of insane piles of books and paper--
* * * * * *
GERTRUDE (CONT'D) And this is where you’ll be sleeping!
* *
They enter a totally open room with a funny lofted bed.
*
RUBY It’s like a little nest!
* *
CALVIN We’re in here? There are no doors.
* *
GERTRUDE No one is interested in your business, honey. Ruby, this is the bathroom. (Proud) We have our own well.
* * * * *
INT. MORT’S WORKSHOP.
JUST AFTER.
*
Gertrude leads them into a shack. ENORMOUS NOISE from a circular saw. A MAN wearing a mask bends over the saw, working on something. Around him are wood, tools, stones, and massive pieces of furniture.
*
GERTRUDE MORT MAKES DRIFTWOOD FURNITURE!!! MORT!!! HONEY! THEY’RE HERE!!!
*
MORT pulls his mask off, revealing a wide grin.
* (CONTINUED)
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62.
CONTINUED: WELCOME!!! He waves. 67
INT.
MORT
Ruby waves back.
MORT AND GERTRUDE’S DINING ROOM.
LATER.
67
Dinner is on a low table, around which are gathered: Calvin, Ruby, Gertrude, Mort, Harry, and Susie. Mort feeds Scotty scraps from the table.
* * *
MORT So did you go to art school? RUBY Um, not formally, no. I just kind of picked things up along the way.
* *
MORT That’s right! Just do it! You’ll learn more that way. Look at Calvin!
*
CALVIN Can you not feed Scotty off the table? It’ll upset his stomach.
* * *
MORT Don’t worry! Dogs love human food.
* *
GERTRUDE I painted when I was young. RUBY Calvin never told me. GERTRUDE Their father didn’t approve. HARRY Because she painted porn. Nudes.
SUSIE
*
HARRY In positions. It’s basically porn. MORT I think they’re very sexy. GERTRUDE Mort’s been encouraging me to take it up again. (CONTINUED)
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CONTINUED:
63. 67
Mort leans over to kiss Gertrude. 68
6/09/11 Draft
INT. GERTRUDE’S HOUSE.
Ruby smiles at them.
LIVING AREA.
LATER.
* 68
A raucous game of charades, the women on one team, the men on the other. Gertrude is acting out clues rapid fire. RUBY/SUSIE Movie! Three words! word! The! It!
First word!
*
Small
MORT
What!
Gertrude points to her nose, “That’s it!” Mort! team!
CALVIN You can’t guess, you’re on our
RUBY/SUSIE Second word! Gertrude gestures at the girls in a sweeping motion. Us!
We!
Women! Mort!
RUBY/SUSIE (CONT'D) People! Chickens! Girls! MORT CALVIN
Gertrude points to her nose enthusiastically. RUBY What Women Want! Yes!!!
GERTRUDE
HARRY What Women Want?!?! Gertrude, Ruby, and Susie high five. CALVIN You gave that to them! MORT Come here, honey, you did so good! good! You win the prize!
So
* * (CONTINUED)
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64.
CONTINUED:
68
He grabs her butt affectionately. averts his eyes.
She cackles.
Calvin
* *
HARRY Who picks “What Women Want”?! 69
INT. GUEST BEDROOM.
*
NIGHT.
69
Calvin’s in bed, pretending to read; Scotty’s in his crate on the floor. Ruby gets out of the shower, puts on her nightie. RUBY Calvin! I forgot to tell you. Your mom’s going to teach me how to bake a pie. She says we can pick the berries straight from the garden. (Getting in bed) Isn’t that cool? Calvin?
* * * * * *
CALVIN She didn’t used to be like this. Like what?
RUBY
CALVIN When Dad was around, she wore like polo shirts. And cooked meat. It’s like she’s been brainwashed. RUBY I think she and Mort seem really happy. Calvin turns the page.
*
Ruby looks at him, then turns over.
EXT. POOL. DAY.
*
A SPLASH of a body entering the water. Calvin! Calvin!
Ruby’s head pops up.
RUBY MORT Come on!
* * *
The water feels great!
Mort is standing on the roof, stretching. Harry swims in the pool, Susie reads on the side, Gertrude holds baby Miles. Calvin!!
*
RUBY/HARRY Callie!
* * * * * *
WE LOOK UP to reveal: Calvin, standing on the balcony of a TREEHOUSE, twenty feet in the air. He waves. (CONTINUED)
* *
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65.
CONTINUED: RUBY Don’t you want to swim? CALVIN You guys go ahead.
* *
RUBY It’ll be fun!
* *
No thanks. Come in!
* *
CALVIN I promised Langdon I’d finish his book.
* *
Gertrude watches this exchange.
*
RUBY Finish it later!
* *
CALVIN You have fun. I’ll be up here.
* *
Okay!
MORT Enjoy yourself!
* *
SUSIE Mort, be careful!
* *
Mort jumps off the roof, cannon-balling into the pool. Ruby shrieks. Calvin watches Ruby. Gertrude watches her son.
* *
INT. TREEHOUSE. LATER.
*
Calvin sleeps on the bed, book on his chest. Gertrude’s head pops into the room; she’s standing on the ladder. She watches him sleep for a moment.
* * *
GERTRUDE Calvin, honey.
* *
He wakes.
* You okay?
GERTRUDE (CONT'D)
* *
CALVIN I’m fine, Mom.
* *
GERTRUDE You know, I’m really glad you brought her. It means a lot to me.
* * *
Okay.
CALVIN
* *
(CONTINUED)
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66.
CONTINUED: Okay.
GERTRUDE Dinner’s in a half hour.
* *
She goes back down the ladder.
Calvin watches her disappear.
*
EXT. GERTRUDE’S HOUSE.
NIGHT.
*
PORCH.
Everyone sits around the porch table, with pieces of pie. Calvin sits slightly apart. Ruby sits by Gertrude. Susie is going through an old photo album, baby monitor next to her. Mort holds Scotty, Harry tokes from a joint. MORT Wanna see my impression of Scotty? Yup.
* *
HARRY
Mort does nothing with his face.
* * Harry cracks up.
*
MORT Wanna see my impression of Scotty when he’s really angry? Yup.
* * * *
* * *
HARRY
Mort does nothing with his face again.
* * Harry cracks up.
*
CALVIN Stop making fun of Scotty.
* *
GERTRUDE Oh calm down.
* *
SUSIE Harry, you look so cute here...
* *
MORT (Offering him the joint) Here.
* * *
CALVIN I told you, I don’t want it.
* *
RUBY (Mouth full of pie) Try it, it’s really mellow.
* * *
MORT It’s fine, he doesn’t need it. brain’s big enough, right?
* * *
His
(CONTINUED)
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67.
CONTINUED: Harry laughs again.
*
HARRY His brain...is so big...that he can make an entire-Harry!
* * *
CALVIN
* *
HARRY He just thinks it and then, POOF--
* *
Calvin gets up, abruptly.
*
CALVIN Harry, I think you’ve had enough.
* *
HARRY (To Susie) You’re so beautiful. beautiful girl?
* * * *
SUSIE Okay, time for bed. Susie tries to help Harry up.
Isn’t she the most
Come on, crazy.
* *
Harry teeters.
*
MORT Here, mijo, let me help you.
* *
CALVIN You know what, Mort? plenty.
* * *
I think you’ve done
Calvin helps Susie move Harry inside. A moment of silence on the porch. Gertrude looks at Mort, concerned. He comes over and puts a hand on her shoulder.
* * *
MORT I’ll go talk to him.
* *
GERTRUDE Gracias, mi amor.
* *
Mort kisses the top of her head and goes inside. I’m sorry.
*
RUBY
* *
Gertrude smiles at her, pours more wine.
*
(CONTINUED)
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68.
CONTINUED: (2) GERTRUDE The unfortunate thing about having kids is that for a few years, they only like to show you the worst parts of themselves. The good parts they save for their friends. It’s fine. As long as I know he isn’t like this all the time.
* * * * * * *
RUBY ...He isn’t.
* *
Gertrude raises her eyebrows at Ruby. Ruby just smiles. Gertrude pulls the photo album across the table and flips a few pages. She turns it toward Ruby. Look.
GERTRUDE
* * * * *
CLOSE ON the photo: A MIDDLE AGED MAN with a gut in golf gear grins at the camera. Next to him a conservatively dressed woman holds his trophy. Ruby looks closely.
* * *
RUBY Is that you?
* *
GERTRUDE And that was Jack.
* *
RUBY So handsome.
* *
Yes.
GERTRUDE And very serious.
* *
Like Calvin.
Gertrude touches Jack’s face with one finger, tenderly.
*
RUBY He was a golfer?
* *
GERTRUDE Jack tried many, many things. It was hard for him...to see things come so easily for Calvin. He couldn’t understand. A great gift can be a burden in its own right. It can be lonely.
* * * * * *
Ruby nods.
* GERTRUDE (CONT’D) The funny thing is, they were actually so much alike. Same big heart. Same exacting standards for themselves. (MORE) (CONTINUED)
* * * *
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69.
CONTINUED: (3) GERTRUDE (CONT’D) And they both couldn’t quite let themselves join in the fun.
* *
RUBY ...Mort’s a lot of fun.
* *
Gertrude laughs.
*
Yes he is.
GERTRUDE
* *
All of a sudden, Calvin comes through the screen door, as if he’s running from something. Ruby.
CALVIN Bed.
Right now?
* *
RUBY
* *
Mort comes out behind him, carrying a beautiful but strange looking chair. MORT Why won’t you take it? have it.
* *
* * * * *
I want you to
GERTRUDE What’s going on?
* *
MORT Calvin won’t accept my present.
* *
Why not?
RUBY
* *
GERTRUDE Honey, Mort works hard on his furniture.
* *
MORT (Explaining the design) I call it “The Lone Pine.”
* * *
GERTRUDE That’s beautiful!
* *
CALVIN I’m not going to take it, stop pushing it on me.
* * *
Calvin.
RUBY
* *
(CONTINUED)
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70.
CONTINUED: (4) MORT Don’t you like it? GERTRUDE Of course he does.
Silence. 73
* * * *
It’s a great chair!
MORT Come on, sit down, feel the wood.
* *
CALVIN What do I have to do to get through to you?! I don’t WANT his stupid chair!
* * *
Everyone stares at Calvin.
*
EXT. CALVIN’S CAR.
DAY.
73
Calvin and Ruby drive back down the coast. The chair is strapped to the top of the car. The ocean flies by. 74
INT. CALVIN’S KITCHEN. EVENING.
74
The chair sits in the living room, totally out of place. Calvin reads. Ruby makes dinner. Very quiet. Ruby starts singing to herself.
* *
CALVIN Honey, I’m trying to read.
* *
Ruby looks at Calvin, then at the steak she’s cooking. She turns off the burner and leaves the room. Calvin looks up. Ruby? 75
*
CALVIN (CONT’D)
*
INT. CALVIN’S BEDROOM. DARK.
75
Calvin opens the door. Ruby is lying on the bed in the dark. Calvin turns on the bedside light. Ruby wipes tears away. RUBY I don’t know how I got here. Calvin blanches. CALVIN What do you mean? RUBY Shuffling around waiting on you. know who this is.
I don’t
(CONTINUED)
*
He Loves Me
75
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71.
CONTINUED:
75 CALVIN You don’t have to cook. RUBY That’s not... You spent all weekend reading that stupid book. Your mom and Mort were trying so hard...
*
CALVIN
I’m sorry.
RUBY And you don’t...You don’t have any friends. CALVIN I have you. I don’t need anyone else. RUBY That’s a lot of pressure. CALVIN You don’t have friends either. I used to. You did? She nods.
RUBY I had a lot of friends. CALVIN
He tries to wrap his brain around that. Okay...
CALVIN (CONT'D)
RUBY (Whispers) I’m so lonely. No.
No.
CALVIN Don’t say that.
Calvin hugs Ruby. His face is troubled. wipes away her tears.
* He lets go and
CALVIN (CONT'D) What can we do? How can we make it better?
*
RUBY ...Maybe I could take an art class.
(CONTINUED)
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72.
CONTINUED: (2) Great. house.
75 CALVIN An art class. Good.
Get out of the
RUBY And I think I should start spending some nights at my apartment. I miss having my own space.
*
CALVIN I cleared out that closet for you. One night.
RUBY As an experiment. CUT TO:
76
INT. CALVIN’S BEDROOM. NIGHT.
76
Calvin in bed alone. He’s wide awake. He turns over, looks at Ruby’s side of the bed. He looks at the clock: 4.45 AM. 77
EXT. CALVIN’S HOUSE. DAY.
77 *
Calvin sits on his front stoop. pulls up on her bicycle. 78
Scotty jumps up as Ruby
INT. CALVIN’S HOUSE. JUST AFTER.
* * 78
Ruby takes off her helmet, bag, jacket as she walks in. RUBY It’s mostly older people, but the talent level is really high. I think I’m going to learn a lot. Ruby finally looks at Calvin.
He looks terrible.
RUBY (CONT'D) How was your night? Terrible. I’m sorry.
CALVIN RUBY
CALVIN I don’t think this experiment is going to work for me.
(CONTINUED)
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78
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73.
CONTINUED:
78 RUBY There has to be space in the relationship. Otherwise, it’s like we’re the same person. One night a week. I think you can handle it.
She walks away. 79
*
Calvin looks after her.
INT. CALVIN’S BEDROOM. NIGHT.
79
Scotty sleeps in the bed next to Calvin. Calvin’s awake. Alone. The clock ticks incredibly loudly. 80
INT. CALVIN’S KITCHEN.
EVENING.
80
Loud OPERA MUSIC. Calvin tries to make pasta. The phone rings. He picks up instantly.
It’s a mess.
CALVIN Hi, where are you? 81
INT. BAR. SIMULTANEOUS.
81
Ruby stands with a crowd of people. RUBY Yeah, um, a bunch of people from class decided to go out. Someone gestures to her with a drink. 82
CALVIN’S KITCHEN.
She nods.
SIMULTANEOUS.
CALVIN When are you coming home? RUBY (O.S.) I don’t know. We just got here. CALVIN But I cooked. (Silence.) Hello? I cooked? RUBY (O.S.) Sorry, yeah. I think we’re going to eat here. I mean, we already ordered. Calvin takes in the mess he’s made. CALVIN So when are you coming home?
82
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74.
BAR. SIMULTANEOUS.
82A
RUBY I don’t know. We’re drinking, and your place is kind of far. CALVIN (O.S.) I’ll pick you up. Ruby fiddles with a straw. RUBY Yeah... I might be kind of late. see each other tomorrow. 82B
CALVIN’S KITCHEN.
Let’s
SIMULTANEOUS.
82B
Calvin stands there. Calvin? Yeah.
RUBY (O.S.)
CALVIN Okay. Have a great time.
He hangs up on her. 83
INT. CALVIN’S BEDROOM. NIGHT.
83
Calvin’s alone in bed again. Awake. Finally he sits up, turns on the light. Looks at Ruby’s empty side of the bed. 84
INT. CALVIN’S OFFICE.
JUST AFTER.
84
Calvin unlocks the drawer. He takes out the last page of the manuscript and puts it in the typewriter. His hands hover over the keys. Then he types, each key firing off like a gun in the night. Ruby was miserable without Calvin. She had to be near him all the time, or she would become despondent. He sits back in his chair. Hello?
The phone rings.
CALVIN
RUBY (In tears) I want to come home.
He picks up.
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85
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75.
INT. CALVIN’S BEDROOM. LATER.
85
Calvin and Ruby hold each other, faces inches apart. Calvin moves to extricate himself from her grasp. Ruby clutches at him, mostly asleep.
*
RUBY
No.
CALVIN I have to pee. RUBY
Stay. 86
INT. CALVIN’S KITCHEN.
MORNING.
86
Calvin and Ruby sit next to each other, eating Cheerios from the same bowl, reading the paper. Ruby eats left-handed so they can hold hands. Calvin turns the page. RUBY I miss you right now. She bursts into tears. 87
INT. CALVIN’S LIVNGROOM.
LATER.
87
Calvin and Ruby lie curled up, watching some old movie. phone rings. He gets up.
The
RUBY Where are you going? CALVIN To get the phone. RUBY Can I come with you? 88
INT. CALVIN’S CAR.
EARLY EVENING.
88
Calvin drives. Ruby holds his hand. He has to extricate it to turn. She takes it as soon as he’s finished the maneuver. 88A
EXT. HOLLYWOOD BLVD.
THE EGYPTIAN.
NIGHT.
88A *
Calvin, holding Ruby’s hand, approaches the box office. CALVIN Two for the 7.45.
(CONTINUED)
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88A
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76.
CONTINUED:
88A BOX OFFICE TELLER It’s sold out. There’s a 9 o’ clock. CALVIN (to Ruby) We could take a walk first?
89
EXT. HOLLYWOOD BLVD.
LATER.
89
Calvin and Ruby walk through the crowd of tourists, street vendors, club-goers, etc. Intense press of people. Calvin’s phone rings. Distracted, he lets go of Ruby’s hand.
* *
CALVIN (Picking up phone) Hello?
* * *
CYRUS (O.S.) Well, look who answered their phone!
* *
Ruby stops walking where he dropped her hand. continues on across the street, not noticing.
Calvin
* *
CALVIN Cyrus, um, sorry, I’ve been really busy.
* *
CYRUS (O.S.) No worries! Busy writing? Cause, you know, I keep telling them you’re working on it, but the publishers are getting kind of anxious about the new book. You seemed pretty excited about it a while back. Any progress since then?
* * * * * * *
CALVIN Yeah, um, I’m out right now, but--
* *
Calvin turns to Ruby to mouth “One second”--but she’s not there. He whips around. Ruby is nowhere to be found. Calvin panics.
* * *
CYRUS (O.S.) Hey, buddy, look, I know you got your whole process. But if I could give them some kind of timeline--
* * * *
CALVIN Cy, I’m gonna call you back.
* *
What?
CYRUS (O.S.)
Calvin hangs up on him.
* *
Searches the crowd.
* (CONTINUED)
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89
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77.
CONTINUED:
89 Ruby!
CALVIN
* *
Across the street--a flash of color. Ruby!
Was that her?
*
CALVIN (CONT'D)
*
He attempts to cross the street. Cars whiz by. Calvin gets more anxious. Finally, the light changes. Calvin dashes across the street, through the crowds to: Ruby, who just stands there.
*
CALVIN (CONT'D) What are you doing?! I turned around and you were gone! RUBY You let go of my hand. What?! 90
CALVIN
INT. CALVIN’S BEDROOM. LATER. Ruby cries in bed, inconsolable.
90 Calvin strokes her hair.
CALVIN Ruby. Sweetie. You have to calm down. I’ll get you some water. Okay? RUBY You didn’t even notice I was gone. 91
INT. CALVIN’S OFFICE.
JUST AFTER.
* 91
Calvin sits in front of his typewriter, page inserted and waiting. He thinks for a minute, then he types: Ruby was filled with the most delicious, effervescent happiness. She didn’t worry about Calvin leaving. There wasn’t any room for worry in all that joy. 92
INT. CALVIN’S HALLWAY.
JUST AFTER.
92
Calvin climbs the stairs, glass of water in hand. He opens the bedroom door. Ruby sits on the bed grinning at him. Hi dummy. She laughs.
RUBY
* *
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96
EXT. CALVIN’S YARD.
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DAY.
96
Ruby and Susie are in the pool with baby Miles. the BAR-B-QUE. Calvin comes up with two beers. Thanks.
78.
Harry mans
HARRY
A peal of laughter from the pool. angles his body away from her.
Calvin looks at Ruby, then
CALVIN Can I ask you something? Shoot.
HARRY
CALVIN What if I told you I was writing again? HARRY Hey, that’s fantastic. No.
What’s it about?
CALVIN Writing. Again.
Calvin gestures with his head toward Ruby.
Harry gets it.
HARRY Ahhhhh. (Eyeing Ruby) The tits? CALVIN No, nothing...like that. (Low) She wasn’t happy, so I...made her happy. And now she’s like this... No.
Peal of laughter from Ruby in the pool. CALVIN (CONT'D) ...all the time. HARRY What are you asking me? If it’s moral? I don’t know. It’s obviously working. Think of it like Prozac. CALVIN But how do I know it’s real?
(CONTINUED)
*
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96
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79.
CONTINUED:
96 It’s not.
HARRY She’s not.
CALVIN She was. (Beat) I want to be what’s making her happy. Without making her happy. HARRY So write “Ruby went back to normal.” big deal.
No
CALVIN ...I think she was going to leave me. Before. Harry considers this, flips a burger. HARRY Susie left once. When? While ago.
CALVIN HARRY Before we were engaged.
CALVIN Why didn’t you tell me? HARRY You had a lot going on. And she came back. But I still think about it. I could lose her any moment. CALVIN You’re married, you’ve got a kid. never leave. HARRY Nothing’s permanent. love someone. In the pool, Ruby laughs again. 97
INT. CALVIN’S KITCHEN.
She’d
*
It’s dangerous to Calvin looks at her.
LATER.
97
Calvin and Ruby’s backs at the sink as they do the dishes. CALVIN I’m thinking of going away for a few months. By myself. (CONTINUED)
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97
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80.
CONTINUED:
97 RUBY Where do you wanna go? CALVIN I don’t know. Somewhere far. RUBY You could send me post cards. getting mail.
She smiles.
Unperturbed.
I love
Calvin tries again.
CALVIN Or I might hole up here. Not even go outside.
In the house.
RUBY Cool. We could build a pillow fort!
*
Calvin stops doing the dishes. He takes Ruby’s face in his hands. Forces her to look at him. There’s a moment of silence. She giggles. Calvin’s eyes as he takes her in. 98
INT. CALVIN’S OFFICE.
LATER.
98
CLOSE ON: The last page of the manuscript. typewriter rips across the page: Ruby There is a moment of waiting. Ruby was just Ruby. she might be.
The ball of the
Then the rest of the sentence.
Happy or sad, however she felt. Whoever
CLOSE ON Calvin’s face as he considers what he has done. FADE TO BLACK. 100
INT. CALVIN’S LIVINGROOM.
* LATE AFTERNOON.
100
Ruby is stretched out on the couch, watching “America’s Next Top Model”. There’s a half-eaten pan of brownies next to her, and gossip magazines strewn all over. The sound of the front door opening. Ruby makes no move to clean up. Scotty runs in and bee lines to Ruby, who pushes him away with her feet. Calvin comes in with his dry cleaning. CALVIN What are you doing? party.
We have Langdon’s
(CONTINUED)
* *
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CONTINUED:
81. 100
RUBY
Who?
CALVIN Langdon Tharp. The writer. party’s tonight? Ruby’s eyes are on the TV. Hey!
His book
Calvin walks over, turns it off.
RUBY I was watching that.
CALVIN Yeah, for days. RUBY It’s a marathon. CALVIN You were always asking me to make plans for us. I did. Get dressed. RUBY Don’t tell me what I used to say. allowed to change my mind!
I’m
CALVIN I don’t want to fight about this. Great.
RUBY Let’s ignore it, then.
Ruby snaps the TV on. Calvin turns it off. Standoff. Ruby covers her face with her hands. Calvin sits next to her. RUBY (CONT'D) I’m sorry. Everything’s been so up and down recently. It’s like my internal compass is just...gone. Maybe I should talk to someone. You used to see someone, right? CALVIN Dr. Rosenthal. RUBY Maybe you should go back. CALVIN I thought we were talking about you.
(CONTINUED)
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CONTINUED: (2)
82. 100
RUBY We are. We are. Never mind. (Wiping away her tears) Maybe you’re right. Maybe I do need to get out. See people. CALVIN This party will be fun. 101
INT. LANGDON THARP’S HOUSE.
I promise.
BOOK PARTY.
NIGHT.
101
Scary hip Silverlake mingles with scary slick Hollywood, in a house as spare and glassy as a shark tank.
*
RUBY Please take me home. Cal!
CYRUS (O.S.)
*
Cyrus charges at them, an anorexic brunette on his arm. CYRUS (CONT'D) What are you doing? You have to talk to Adam and Mandi. Who?
* *
CALVIN
CYRUS Adam and Mandi. The producers who want to take over your option? Check your messages.
*
CALVIN Wait, wait. Cy. This is Ruby.
*
CYRUS Ohhh. Hi. Cyrus. Ruby. Nice. (Referring to his date) This is Saskia. Cal?
* * *
Cyrus grabs Calvin’s elbow.
Calvin turns back to Ruby.
*
CALVIN Stay there, I’ll be right back. They’re gone.
Ruby turns to Saskia.
RUBY Do you wanna get a drink?
*
(CONTINUED)
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CONTINUED:
83. 101
SASKIA I’m on a juice fast. 102
INT. PARTY.
LATER.
102
Saskia talks to some guys. Ruby holds a drink. Across the room, ADAM and MANDI (20s, eager) and Cyrus and another agent WARREN all talk at Calvin.
* *
ADAM Would you want to write the screenplay yourself? CYRUS Of course he is, who else is gonna do it?
* *
CALVIN I don’t know, I’ve never written one...
*
MANDI Oh my god, you’re such a genius, you’d pick it up like that.
*
WARREN That’s what we keep telling him!
* *
Ruby gives up waiting for Calvin, wanders off. Calvin does not notice, but Langdon, across the room, spots Ruby walking alone, looking lost. He notes it, returns to his fans. 103
INT.
PARTY.
SIMULTANEOUS.
* * *
103
Ruby wanders through the house. Pictures of Langdon. Strange objects. She picks up a telescope, looks through it. 104
INT. PARTY. LATER.
104
The Adam/Mandi/Cyrus/Warren situation has gotten more intense. Calvin looks even more desperate to get away.
* *
MANDI Who would you want to play Charlie?
* *
ADAM That’s the question, right?
* *
WARREN It’s gonna be huge.
* *
Huge.
CYRUS
* *
(CONTINUED)
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84.
CONTINUED:
104 CALVIN Hey, I’ll be right back.
105
* *
EXT. PARTY. SIMULTANEOUS.
105
Ruby takes off her shoes, dips a toe into the infinity pool. LANGDON THARP (O.S.) You like my pool?
*
Langdon stands across the pool with a bottle of wine.
*
LANGDON THARP (CONT'D) Do I know you? 106
INT. PARTY. SIMULTANEOUS.
106
Calvin tries to make his way through the party. CALVIN Excuse me, excuse me. A girl stands with her back to Calvin, blocking his path. CALVIN (CONT'D) Sorry, excuse me. The girl turns around. Cal. Lila. 107
Calvin stops in his tracks.
GIRL CALVIN
EXT. PARTY. SIMULTANEOUS. Langdon moves a little closer.
107 He’s pleasantly drunk.
LANGDON THARP What are you doing at my party? RUBY You tell me. LANGDON THARP Did you come with someone? Calvin.
*
RUBY Weir-Fields.
(CONTINUED)
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107
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85.
CONTINUED:
107 LANGDON THARP So, are you the kind of girl who only dates famous writers? RUBY Why, are you a famous writer?
108
INT. PARTY. SIMULTANEOUS. Lila is soft and serious. wind knocked out of him.
108 Calvin looks like he’s had the
* *
CALVIN I thought you were in New York. LILA Langdon’s helping me get my novel published. He didn’t tell you? CALVIN You finished your novel? LILA Couple months ago. (Pained) Big surprise, right? finished something.
The dilettante
CALVIN I never said that. 109
EXT. PARTY. SIMULTANEOUS.
109
Langdon and Ruby are now a few feet apart. LANGDON THARP You don’t happen to have a name, do you? RUBY
Ruby. Ruby.
LANGDON THARP What do you do, Ruby?
Nothing.
* * * * *
RUBY
LANGDON THARP How refreshing. What do you do in your spare time? Not much.
RUBY
* *
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INT. PARTY. SIMULTANEOUS.
86.
110
LILA I hear you’re seeing someone. Yeah.
CALVIN She’s here.
LILA Is she a writer? No.
CALVIN A painter.
Lila smiles, chagrined. LILA Sounds great. Very unthreatening. CALVIN You think I was threatened by you? LILA Why would you be?
You’re a genius.
CALVIN Don’t use that word. (Beat) So, what, Langdon introduced you to his agent? Publisher?
* * *
LILA Something like that.
* *
CALVIN Well, I’m sure it must be good, if Langdon’s helping you.
* * *
Lila mutters something. What?
111
*
CALVIN (CONT'D)
* *
LILA Nothing. I’m not fucking him, if that’s what you’re implying.
* * *
CALVIN I really don’t care what you do.
* *
EXT. PARTY. SIMULTANEOUS.
111
(CONTINUED)
*
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111
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CONTINUED:
87. 111
RUBY ...Tell me: how does a novelist get such a fancy house in the Hollywood Hills? LANGDON THARP By selling out very early. like I know you?
*
Why do I feel
RUBY I guess I have that kind of face. LANGDON THARP ...You know what I was thinking? I was just thinking this would be a perfect night for a swim.
*
RUBY I don’t have a suit. LANGDON THARP Is that a problem? 112
INT. PARTY. SIMULTANEOUS.
112
The argument has escalated. CALVIN I’m sorry, how was I anything but supportive? I read every draft you gave me. I brought you into my writer’s group, I introduced you to Langdon.
*
LILA (Under her breath) Begrudgingly. What?
CALVIN I literally can’t hear you.
LILA Begrudgingly, begrudgingly. You weren’t curious about me. You never were. You had an image of who I was, and anything I did that contradicted it, you ignored. CALVIN What image? The one where you left me as soon as I wasn’t successful? LILA You think I gave a shit if you were famous? (Getting emotional) (MORE) (CONTINUED)
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CONTINUED:
88. 112
LILA (CONT'D) All I wanted was for you to care about me. CALVIN Care about you?! You left weeks after my father died. You really wanna talk about caring? LILA (Looking around for help) Oh my god this is not happening. CALVIN Do you know what people say when I tell them how you left me? LILA You were impenetrable! CALVIN They say, how could you love a person like that? LILA I tried to help, you refused to let me in. CALVIN And I say, I have no fucking clue. LILA The only person you wanted to be in a relationship with was you. So I let you do that. CALVIN Wow. You really let yourself off the hook, don’t you? LILA Good bye, Cal. CALVIN Yeah, bye, have a great life. Calvin storms away, fuming. He makes his way to the back of the house, looking for Ruby. Then he sees, through the open glass doors: 113
EXT. PARTY. SIMULTANEOUS.
* *
113
Ruby, on the edge of the pool, pulls off her dress. She’s in her bra and panties. Calvin steps onto the patio, confused. (CONTINUED)
* *
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89.
CONTINUED:
113 LANGDON THARP (O.S.) Don’t worry, I keep it very warm.
Langdon’s in his underwear in the pool, peeking through his fingers. RUBY You promised not to look! CALVIN What’s going on here? Ruby freezes.
Langdon uncovers his eyes.
LANGDON THARP Calvin. We thought we’d take a dip. Care to join us? CUT TO: 114
INT. CALVIN’S CAR. JUST AFTER. Calvin and Ruby ride in stony silence. radio. Calvin flips it off.
115
114 Ruby flips on the
INT. CALVIN’S HOUSE. JUST AFTER.
115
Ruby comes into the house ahead of Calvin and immediately reaches for Scotty’s leash. Scotty!
RUBY
Calvin shuts the door behind them. CALVIN What was that? What?
RUBY
CALVIN You know what. RUBY Oh, grow up. Calvin grabs her arm. Stop!
RUBY (CONT'D) You’re hurting me.
(CONTINUED)
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CONTINUED:
90. 115
CALVIN Explain what you were doing. RUBY You left me alone at a party where I didn’t know anyone. I found someone to talk to. CALVIN In your underwear. RUBY Would you have been mad if I was wearing my bikini? CALVIN You weren’t wearing your bikini. Do you know how it looked? My agent was there. My ex was there! RUBY Lila was there?
Why didn’t you tell me?
CALVIN Because I was too busy getting you to PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON. You’re supposed to be my girlfriend. RUBY I am your girlfriend. CALVIN So act like it! RUBY I’m sorry I wasn’t acting like your platonic ideal of a girlfriend. You can be such a fucking prude. CALVIN Because I don’t want you skinny dipping with other men? RUBY Because you don’t want me doing ANYTHING! You have all these rules! And you don’t tell me what they are until, whoops, I’ve broken them! And then you get to be disappointed with me!
(CONTINUED)
He Loves Me
115
6/09/11 Draft
91.
CONTINUED: (2)
115
CALVIN You want to know my rules? Don’t fuck other men! Don’t let them think about fucking you! RUBY So I’m responsible for what other people are thinking? CALVIN You are responsible! When you act a certain way, it leads people on. If you take your clothes off at a party, it makes people think you’re a slut. So I’d really prefer if you didn’t do that. Is that clear enough for you? RUBY Fuck you. I am not your child. don’t get to decide what I do.
You
Ruby starts to put on her coat. Wanna bet? What?!
CALVIN RUBY
CALVIN I’m pretty sure I can make you do whatever I want. RUBY What are you gonna do, tie me up? Nope.
CALVIN I don’t have to.
Calvin leaves the room, casually. 116
INT. CALVIN’S OFFICE.
Ruby stares after him.
JUST AFTER.
116
Calvin takes the manuscript out of its drawer, puts the last page in the typewriter. Ruby comes to the door. RUBY Calvin. I’m leaving. tomorrow.
I will call you
Calvin types something quickly.
(CONTINUED)
He Loves Me
116
6/09/11 Draft
92.
CONTINUED:
116 RUBY (CONT'D)
Calvin. Fine.
Go.
CALVIN
Ruby shakes her head and turns to leave. She stops abruptly, as if she’s hit a wall. She tries again. Again. Futile. What...?
RUBY What is this?
What’s going on?
Calvin pulls the paper out of the typewriter and hands it to her. She reads: Ruby could not leave Calvin’s house. his office.
She couldn’t even leave
Ruby looks up at Calvin, equal parts confusion and terror. RUBY (CONT'D) What the fuck is this? CALVIN This is my book. The one I haven’t been working on. Wanna see? He hands her the previous page. She skims over it. old commands, other things Calvin has written.
We see
RUBY Is this some kind of joke?
*
CALVIN No, it’s pretty serious. Ruby picks up other pages of the manuscript. Calvin watches her. As she reads, the color drains from her face. RUBY What...what is this? You’re writing about me? How did you know this, about my teacher? Have you been talking to people about me? No.
*
CALVIN
RUBY This is private. You can’t do this, you can’t write about me.
*
(CONTINUED)
He Loves Me
116
6/09/11 Draft
CONTINUED: (2)
116
CALVIN I’m not writing about you. I made you up. What?!
93.
I wrote you.
RUBY
CALVIN I had a dream about a girl. I wrote it down. I gave her a name. Ruby. I wrote all kinds of things about her. And one day I woke up and she--you--were living in my house. I can make you do anything. Because you’re not real. Silence.
Ruby stares at him. RUBY You’re sick. Jesus, you made me up?! Let me tell you something, Calvin: you are not the center of the fucking universe. If this is how you think of other people, then you are in for a long, lonely, fucked up life.
* * *
He types something. RUBY (CONT'D) Je te jure, tu ferais mieux d’ecoutez ce que j’ai... Mon Dieu. Je parle francais? Mais, je ne sais pas parler francais. Qu’est-ce-que-[I swear to god, you better listen to what I’m-- Oh my god. Am I speaking French? I don’t know how to speak French! What--]
* * * * * * * *
Calvin picks up a page, shows her: CALVIN “Ruby speaks French.”
*
RUBY Mon Dieu! Qu’est-ce-qui m’arrive? [Oh my god. What’s happening?]
* * *
CALVIN I told you. I can make you do anything.
(CONTINUED)
He Loves Me
116
6/09/11 Draft
94.
CONTINUED: (3)
116
RUBY Qu’est-ce-qui se passe? Mais, comment est-ce que tu fais ca? [What is this? How are you doing this?]
* * * *
CALVIN It’s simple. I write it. (Types something) You do it.
*
Ruby’s fingers start snapping. She stares at her hand as if it doesn’t belong to her. RUBY Mon Dieu! Arrete! Arrete! [Oh my god, stop! Stop!] Calvin types something.
Ruby starts to sing and strip.
* * * * * *
The song continues over as we see: Calvin types, Ruby does. The hammers of the typewriter, the violence of his fingers hitting the keys. Glimpses of the words he writes and fast cuts of:
*
--Ruby spinning and chanting “I love you, I’ll never leave you.”
* *
--Ruby down on her knees, barking like a dog.
*
--Ruby dancing and yelling “I love your mouth, I love your face, I love your cock,” etc.
* *
--Ruby jumping up and down and cheering “You’re a genius!”
*
FINALLY: Calvin slams his hands down on the keyboard, jamming the letters. Ruby collapses. They are both shaking, silent.
* *
After a long beat, Calvin raises his head, afraid to look at her. Ruby is on the ground, barely breathing.
* *
Calvin edges toward her, terrified. She doesn’t move. He puts a tentative hand on her--and she JUMPS UP and runs out of the room. We hear the door slam behind her.
* * *
Calvin is alone.
*
He Loves Me
122
6/09/11 Draft
95.
INT. CALVIN’S OFFICE.
122
A page sits, waiting, in the typewriter. Calvin thinks. After a moment he sits forward and types something. He removes the page. Reads what he’s written. CALVIN (V.O.) As soon as Ruby left the house, the past released her. She was no longer Calvin’s creation. From that moment on, only Ruby could determine the course her life. She was free. Calvin walks down the hall and places the manuscript in front of the bedroom door. On the title page is a post-it note: “Ruby.
Look at the last page.
I love you.
Calvin.”
Calvin sits, leaning against the wall, waiting for Ruby to open the door. CUT TO: 122A
OMITTED
122A
123
LATER.
123
CLOSE ON Calvin’s face. Scotty’s nose enters frame. He kisses Calvin vigorously. Calvin opens his eyes and sees: The bedroom door is ajar. The manuscript sits on the floor, but the Post-it note is gone. 124
INT. CALVIN’S BEDROOM. JUST AFTER.
124
The bedroom is stripped of Ruby’s things. Calvin goes to the closet. Empty hangers where Ruby’s clothes were. Calvin curls up on the floor and cries. Scotty lies next to him, keeping him company. The light fades rapidly, day to night until we are in complete darkness. Then: A light snaps on. Calvin is still lying on the floor. Scotty sits there chewing a shoe. Feet walk over to Calvin. Harry crouches down into frame. CALVIN She’s gone. Harry helps Calvin to his feet and wraps his arms around his brother in a long embrace.
*
He Loves Me
125
INT. CALVIN’S KITCHEN.
6/09/11 Draft
96.
LATER.
125
Harry and Calvin sit across from each other at the kitchen table. Calvin eats soup. Harry watches him. Calvin stalls for a moment. HARRY
Soup.
Calvin takes another bite. 126
EXT. GOLF COURSE.
DAY.
126 *
Harry puts. Calvin stands there, in position to swing, but does not move.
Silence.
*
CALVIN Nothing helps.
*
Harry stops and looks at Calvin.
*
HARRY When was the last time you wrote, Callie?
*
CALVIN I can’t write. HARRY Sure you can. That’s what you have over every other poor schmuck out there with a broken heart. You can write about it. CALVIN Who would want to read that? HARRY Lots of people. Why not? pretty cool story.
You’ve got a
Calvin considers this. CALVIN Everyone will think I’m crazy. No. 127
HARRY They’ll think it’s fiction.
INT. CALVIN’S OFFICE.
DAY.
127
CLOSE ON: the typewriter. Calvin’s hands enter frame, pick it up and remove it. The empty desk. His hands reenter frame and place a NEW BLACK MACBOOK in its place.
(CONTINUED)
He Loves Me
127
6/09/11 Draft
97.
CONTINUED:
127
Calvin sits at his desk. He opens the laptop. His hands hover over the keys. Then, Calvin begins to type.
*
CALVIN (V.O.) This is the true and impossible story of my very great love.”
* * *
CUT to reveal him sitting in the chair Mort made for him.
*
INT.
*
CALVIN’S KITCHEN.
EVENING.
Calvin cooks for himself, neatly.
Dinner for one.
*
CALVIN (V.O.) In the hope that she will not read it and reproach me, I have withheld many telling details. EXT.
* * * *
PARK. DAY.
*
Calvin runs.
*
CALVIN (V.O.) Her name, the particulars of her birth and upbringing, any identifying scars or birthmarks. EXT. SILVERLAKE STREET.
* * * *
DAY.
Calvin walks Scotty alone.
*
It is fall, he wears a coat.
*
CALVIN (V.O.) All the same, I cannot help but write this for her. To tell her, I’m sorry for every word I wrote to change you. I’m sorry for so many things. INT. CALVIN’S LIVNGROOM.
* * * * *
DAY.
*
Calvin opens a package. Inside is a copy of his book (that we’re hearing an excerpt from): “The Girfriend.” He turns to the dedication page. “For her.”
* * *
CALVIN (V.O.) I coudn’t see you when you were here. And now that you’re gone, I see you everywhere. 128
INT. INDEPENDENT BOOKSTORE.
* * * *
DAY
128 *
The camera pans over the crowd until it lands on Calvin, reading aloud.
(CONTINUED)
* *
He Loves Me
128
6/09/11 Draft
98.
CONTINUED:
128 CALVIN “One may read this and think it’s magic-but falling in love is an act of magic. So is writing.”
We see in the small crowd:
Mort, Gertrude, Harry, and Susie.
CALVIN (CONT’D) “It was once said of Cather in the Rye, ‘That rare miracle of fiction has again come to pass: a human being has been created out of ink, paper, and the imagination.’ I am no J.D. Salinger, but I have witnessed a rare miracle. Any writer can attest, in the luckiest, happiest state, the words are not coming from you, but through you.” Calvin pauses, looks around the room. CALVIN (CONT’D) “She came to me wholly herself. I was just lucky enough to be there to catch her.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
LATER. Calvin talks with his family. CYRUS Where have you been? dying to meet you.
Cyrus sidles up. I’ve got people
CALVIN Cyrus, you’ve met my family. Calvin gestures toward Gertrude, Mort, Harry, and Susie. Hey dude.
HARRY
Mort gives Cyrus a big hug.
* * * * * *
Cyrus looks discombobulated.
MORT Doesn’t his imagination just blow you away? I mean, where does he come up with these things, right? Calvin looks at Harry. Harry winks at him. Calvin smiles. We pan out from our little group, enjoying the party.
* *
He Loves Me
131
INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE.
6/09/11 Draft
DAY.
Rosenthal flips through the book.
99.
131 Calvin sits, watching him.
*
DR. ROSENTHAL It’s beautiful, Calvin. Thank you.
CALVIN
Dr. ROSENTHAL Most of my patients don’t take my assignments this seriously. They both laugh. Rosenthal puts the book aside.
A beat.
*
CALVIN I know you hoped...that by writing this, I would realize that it never happened. That I imagined her. Or went crazy for a while. And I understand why that would be easier. It would make more sense. But the thing is: I don’t need to make sense of this. I don’t care if there’s no good explanation. If I’m going to keep coming here, I need you to believe me anyway. Take the leap. At least imagine how it could be true. For me. A beat. DR. ROSENTHAL I will work on that. 132
INT. CALVIN’S CAR.
LATER.
132
Calvin drives with the windows down, Scotty hanging his head out. A happy song plays. Calvin sings along. 133
EXT. PARK. DAY.
133
Off leash, Scotty roams ahead of Calvin. Calvin takes in the beauty of the day. Suddenly, Scotty takes off running. Scotty!
CALVIN
Scotty bee-lines over to a girl on a blanket, reading in the sun. She laughs and pets him. Calvin comes over. CALVIN (CONT'D) I’m so sorry, I--
(CONTINUED)
*
He Loves Me
133
6/09/11 Draft
100.
CONTINUED:
133
Calvin stops. It’s Ruby. Her hair is shorter, but it’s her. She looks up at Calvin...and smiles. Blank. It’s fine.
RUBY He’s so friendly.
She pets Scotty. Calvin crouches down, searching her face, his heart racing. It’s definitely her...isn’t it? RUBY (CONT'D) What’s his name? ...Scotty.
CALVIN
RUBY That’s funny, that’s the name of the dog in this book. She points to her book: “The Girlfriend.” Calvin picks it up.
*
RUBY (CONT'D) Have you read it? Calvin nods, head reeling.
He absently flips through pages.
*
RUBY (CONT'D) Did you like it? Calvin’s eye catches: As soon as she left the house, the past released her. He looks at the girl in front of him. CALVIN I’m sorry, did you say something? RUBY I asked if you liked it.
* * *
The book.
CALVIN What do you think of it? RUBY Well, my friend who lent it to me thought it was kind of pretentious, but I like it so far. (Suddenly) Have we met before? CALVIN I don’t know. RUBY You seem so familiar. (CONTINUED)
*
He Loves Me
133
6/09/11 Draft
101.
CONTINUED: (2)
133
She looks at him searchingly. He watches, waiting for a glimmer of recognition. She smiles. RUBY (CONT'D) Maybe we knew each other in another life. Or maybe we just go to the same coffee shop. She laughs, self-conscious. RUBY (CONT'D) What do you do, besides go for walks with your dog? CALVIN I’m a writer. RUBY Oh, what do you write? He holds up the book. bright red.
His author photograph.
She turns
RUBY (CONT'D) So that’s why you look familiar. CALVIN
Maybe.
RUBY I was totally kidding about my friend calling it pretentious. (A beat.) Can we start over? ...Yes.
CALVIN Do you mind if I sit here?
Please.
RUBY
She picks up the book to make room for him. RUBY (CONT'D) Just don’t tell me how it ends, okay? I promise.
CALVIN
They continue to talk as the camera pulls back, revealing the park in full bloom around them. Credits roll. The End.
* *
*
