Female Monologues (New Packet)

MONOLOGUES -- Female Jennifer from Tom Griffin's AMATEURS Excited? I was ecstatic! I was already plannin my wardroe for t"e Emmys# And I read one more time# My t"ird callac$# %&t I didn't et it# it# I went o&tside# It was one of t"ose "ay (#A# days) one of t"ose days w"en e*eryt"in felt so "ot and### artificial# I co&ld see t"e +ollywood sin s"immerin &p in t"e "ills# So I ot in my rented ,lymo&t" and dro*e &p to (a$e (a$e +oll +ollyw ywood ood## (a$e (a$e +oll +ollyw ywoo ood) d) it's it's perf perfec ect! t! T" T"ee damn damn t"in t"in  is made made of  concrete! I wal$ed aro&nd it# And all I co&ld t"in$ ao&t was) -Are t"ere fis" in t"is la$e?- So I as$ed someody# I act&ally went &p to t"is &y) t"is worn.down) middle.aed &y) and as$ed) -Are t"ere fis" in t"is la$e?- /o& /o& $now w"at "e said) -T"is is +ollywood) lady# 0o fis" except for t"e s"ar$s# 0o ottom except for t"e slime# 0o princes except for  t"e fros#fros#- And we ot" la&"ed# I left ao&t two wee$s later# later# I didn't "a*e t"e &ts# It wasn't t"e talent# It was t"e &ts# Grace from Tina +owe's A,,EARA01ES T"e one wit"o&t t"e les "as t"ese c&stom.made artificial les t"at s"e "oo$s onto "erself# T"ey're amain) t"ey're so life life li$e) t"e exact same color color and text&re as "er own s$in# T"e t"in t"at really ets me ao&t "er) t"o&") and I'm proaly strane to to notice it # # # is e*ery day s"e's ot a fres" pair of soc$s# T"at's ri"t) eac" ni"t s"e discards discards t"e  pair s"e'd een wearin and selects a clean pair for t"e next day# If yo& stop and t"in$  ao&t it) yo& realie t"ere's no way t"ose soc$s e*er et dirty since s"e doesn't "a*e feet t"at et t"em all sweated sweated &p# S"e's 2&st 2&st a stic$ler for appearanc appearances es and insists on fres" fres" soc$s e*ery e*ery day eca&se fres" soc$s loo$ loo$ etter t"an wilted wilted ones! 3ell) ell) w"en I loo$  down and see t"ose span$in w"ite soc$s "&in t"ose little plastic an$les of "ers) t"e c&ffs folded 2&st so # # # it rins tears to my eyes! T"at little irl really ta$es pride in "ow s"e loo$s! S"e $nows s"e's een orn wit" wit" a "andicap) &t s"e doesn't let it it et to "er# "er#

,ony from Tina +owe's A,,R4A1+I0G 5A05I%AR  I et so scared t"in$in ao&t it) I can't sleep# E*ery ni"t I to&c" my edside li"t forty. forty. fo&r times and "old my reat" for as lon as I can and an d pray) -,lease God) don't let me die! I'll e ood) I'll e ood!- And t"en I start imainin imainin w"at it will e li$e # # # /o& /o& $now) $now)  ein dead in a coffin) ein &nderro&nd all alone in t"e dar$) wit" t"e mice) and spiders) and worms crawlin o*er me # # # and) and dead people moanin all aro&nd me # # # and tryin to call Mommy and 6addy &t t"ey can't "ear me eca&se I'm so far  &nderro&nd# And) and t"en I start start t"in$in ao&t ein t"ere fore*er and e*er and e*er  and e*er &ntil my ody's a s$eleton # # # a clattery s$eleton wit" rinnin teet" and no eyes) and I to&c" my ni"t.li"t 788 times so it will o away and) t"en 988 times) and 888 times) and I et cryin so "ard Mommy "as to come in and "old me# # # And) and # # # 4" no) it's startin to "appen now# # # 1o&ld I et in ed wit" yo&?

7

(ynette (y nette from Ric"ard 1ameron's 1A0'T STA06 STA06 U, :4R :A((I0G :A((I0G 6430 I tried to clean &p after "e'd p&lled e*eryt"in o&t of t"e $itc"en c&poard and smas"ed it)  &t I c&t my "and ;&ite ; &ite ad on a piece of lass from a sa&ce ottle) I t"in$ it was) and I "ad to lea*e lea*e it# I s"o&ld s"o&ld "a*e "ad stitc"e stitc"ess really# really# It's f&nny f&nny## I t"o&"t t"o&"t it was $etc"&p# $etc"&p# -Ser*es -Ser*es yo& yo& ri"t) ri"t)-- "e says# says# -1leani -1leanin n &p# /o&'re &'re alway alwayss cleanin cleanin  &p# (ea*e (ea*e it# it# 6ammit .. (EA
 &tterfly in my edroom>w"en it "atc"ed# +e told me t"at w"en t"ey come o&t t"ey're soa$in wet and t"ere is a drop of lood t"ere) too>isn't t"at fascinatin>&t wit"in an "o&r t"ey dry off and t"en t"ey ein to fly# 3ell) I told "im I "ad a cat# I "ad a cat t"en)  &t "e said 2&st p&t t"e cocoon somew"ere w"ere t"e cat co&ldn't et at it ### w"ic" is impossile) &t w"at can yo& do? So I p&t it &p "i" on a lede w"ere t"e cat ne*er went) and t"e next mornin it was still t"ere) at least so it seemed safe to lea*e it# 3ell) anyway) almost a wee$ later *ery) *ery early t"is one mornin t"e &y calls me) and "e said) 'April) do yo& "a*e a &tterfly t"is mornin?- I told "im to "old on and manaed to et &p and loo$ and t"ere on t"at lede I saw t"is wet spot and a little spec$ of lood &t no  &tterfly) and I t"o&"t -4" dear God in "ea*en) t"e cat ot it#- I pic$ed &p t"e p"one to tell t"is &y and 2&st t"en s&ddenly I spotted it &nder t"e dressin tale) it was mo*in one win# T"e cat "ad ot at it) &t it was still ali*e# So I told t"e &y and "e ot so &pset and "e said -4" no>o") God) no>don't yo& see t"at's a life>a li*in t"in?- 3ell) I ot dressed and too$ it to t"e par$ and p&t it on a rose) it was s&mmer t"en and it loo$ed li$e it was oin to e all ri"t>I t"in$) anyway# %&t t"at man>I really felt damaed y "im  >awf&l>t"at was 2&st cr&el# I ot "ome and I called "im ac$ and said) -(isten) I'm a li*in t"in too) yo& s"it"ead!-  Pause@ I ne*er saw "im aain# Jane from 1"ristop"er 6&ran's '6E0TIT/ 1RISIS 3"en I was ei"t years old) someone ro&"t me to a t"eatre wit" lots of ot"er c"ildren# 3e "ad come to see a prod&ction of  Peter Pan# And I rememer somet"in seemed wron wit" t"e w"ole prod&ction) odd t"ins $ept "appenin# (i$e w"en t"e c"ildren wo&ld fly) t"e ropes wo&ld $eep rea$in and t"e actors wo&ld come t"&mpin to t"e ro&nd and t"ey'd "a*e to e carried off y t"e stae "ands# T"ere seemed to e an &nlimited s&pply of &nderst&dies to ta$e t"e c"ildren's places) and t"en they'd   fall to t"e ro&nd# And t"en t"e crocodile t"at c"ases 1aptain +oo$ seemed to e a real crocodile) it wasn't an actor) and at one point it fell off t"e stae) cr&s"in se*eral c"ildren in t"e front row# Se*eral &nderst&dies came and too$ t"eir places in t"e a&dience# And from scene to scene 3endy seemed to et fatter and fatter &ntil finally y t"e second act s"e was immoile and "ad to e mo*ed wit" a cart# /o& rememer "ow in t"e second act Tin$erell drin$s some poison t"at ,eter's ao&t to drin$) in order to sa*e "im? And t"en ,eter t&rns to t"e a&dience and "e says t"at Tin$erell's oin to die eca&se not eno&"  people elie*e in fairies) &t t"at if e*eryody in t"e a&dience claps real "ard to s"ow t"at t"ey do elie*e in fairies) t"en maye Tin$erell won't die# And so t"en all t"e c"ildren started to clap# 3e clapped *ery "ard and *ery lon# My palms "&rt and e*en started to  leed I clapped so "ard# T"en s&ddenly t"e actress playin ,eter ,an t&rned to t"e a&dience and s"e said) -T"at wasn't eno&"# /o& didn't clap "ard eno&"# Tin$erell's dead#

6arlene from Jim (eonard) Jr#'s T+E 6I
are# T"ey're t"e first people) and t"ey're li*in in t"is reat i old arden in E&rope# And t"e t"in ao&t E*e is s"e's wal$in aro&nd pic$in erries and 2&n$ wit" no clot"es on# And t"is sna$e comes strollin &p) see? And "e tells "er "ow s"e's sittin t"ere 2ayird star$ na$ed# So t"is &siness a ein na$ed really sets God off at t"e sna$e) see? 1a&se E*e ein so d&m s"e didn't et in any tro&le) &t now it's li$e a w"ole not"er all ame# And God wasn't 2&st mad at t"is one sna$e eit"er .. "e was mad at all a t"e sna$es and all a t"e worms in t"e world# So "e tells em -:rom now on yo& &ys're onna crawl aro&nd in t"e dirt!- God says) -:rom now on noody li$es yo&#-

:iona from +eidi 6ec$er's E/E 4: T+E %E+4(6ER  I'm pretty# T"ere's no ettin aro&nd it# I 2&st am# ,retty# ,retty is more t"an 2&st a state of ein) it's a way of life# My Mama always said) yo&'re eit"er pretty or yo&'re not) and t"ere's no in etween# S"e doesn't elie*e in isex&als eit"er# S"e doesn't li$e indecisi*eness in anyone# So I # # # am pretty# It's w"at I am# It's w"o I am# 0ow if  yo&'re waitin' for me to et to t"e part w"ere I wis" t"ins "ad een different) t"at I "ate t"e s&perficial world t"at we li*e in and ea&ty is only s$in deep) yo& can foret it# T"ose are 2&st t"ins t"at &ly irls tell eac" ot"er to ma$e t"emsel*es feel etter# 0ow yo& $now it and I $now it# T"ere's no need to pretend for me# T"is face) and t"is ass) "a*e otten me e*eryt"in I'*e e*er wanted# 0o) I didn't et t"ins wit" sex# I am far too well red to e t"at *&lar# %esides) I don't "a*e to# -,retty- is t"e promise of sex# 4f  ood t"ins) etter t"ins# I am t"e trop"y t"at's always 2&&&&st eyond t"eir finertips # # # and people will do anyt"in to et a limpse) a taste) a to&c"# I'm t"e +oly Grail! 6on't tal$ to me ao&t ein o2ectified# /es) I am ale to &se fo&r.syllale words# %ein' a woman ne*er $ept me from ettin a t"in# 0ow it's not t"at I don't empat"ie# I do# I'*e read plenty ao&t t"e feminist mo*ement # # # and I feel sorry for t"em) I do# %&t I dont' see w"at any of it "as to do wit" me# I mean) c'mon) let's e "onest "ere # # # we all $now t"at t"ose people are 2&st women w"o were ne*er ;&ite pretty eno&"# 0ow t"at's not my fa<# T"e tr&t" is t"e tr&t") and if it "&rts) I can't "elp it# 1at"erine from Rac"el R&in (ad&t$e's GRA1E 04TES E*ery time I et to sleep) I $eep "a*in t"e same dream# I'm wal$in t"ro&" t"is lon "allway) and t"ere's noody else aro&nd# Except) I'm wal$in a little do# It's really friendly and it lo*es me# All of a s&dden t"is door opens>I didn't e*en see it# It's at t"e end of t"e "all) ri"t in front of me# T"ere's a really ri"t li"t) and *oices) and I start feelin faint# T"e next t"in I $now) I wa$e &p and t"e do is one# J&st w"en I open my eyes) I "ear t"e door slam s"&t# As soon as I feel li$e I can et &p) I t&rn t"e door$no)  &t it won't open# I try and try) &t t"e door is loc$ed ti"t# I start cryin and screamin) and t"en I see a window and I notice it's snowin o&t# So I o o&tside) and I start dancin in t"e snow# I feel so free) I can almost foret ao&t losin t"e do# 4ff in t"e distance I see a little &ildin) and I start r&nnin toward it# 3"en I et close eno&") I see t"at it's an animal s"elter) and I realie w"at I really want is to et anot"er do# %&t t"e woman in t"e s"elter says I can't# Some"ow s"e $nows I felt "appy w"en t"e do disappeared) and s"e tells me I don't deser*e anot"er one# I e and e "er) and finally s"e arees to 8

let me loo$ at t"eir dos# %&t I can't find any li$e t"e one I lost) and t"at's t"e only one I want# I start cryin# T"en I wa$e &p) and I'm really cryin# 1at"erine from Rac"el R&in (ad&t$e's GRA1E 04TES I don't rememer m&c" ao&t i*in irt") &t I rememer I "eard "er cry# I didn't et to loo$ at "er) or "old "er# T"e n&rse e*en said I didn't deser*e to see "er) eca&se I was i*in "er away# T"ey did let me feed "er once# I "ad to ref&se to sin t"e papers efore t"ey'd e*en let me do t"at# S"e "ad l&e eyes# I t"in$ most aies "a*e l&e eyes) &t "ers weren't at all pale# T"ey were really deep) deep l&e# (i$e t"e ocean# 4ne "o&r) t"at's all we "ad toet"er# T"en t"ey too$ "er away aain# /o& $now w"at I really don't et) Emmy? 3"en I tal$ed to t"e ot"er irls at t"e aency) t"ey all $ept sayin t"ey co&ldn't wait to i*e irt" so t"ey co&ld et ac$ to normal# %&t I didn't want to "a*e t"e  ay) eca&se t"en I was oin to lose "er# I tried to $eep "er wit" me as lon as I co&ld# I started "a*in pains in t"e middle of t"e ni"t) &t I didn't wa$e Mom &p &ntil I co&ldn't stand it any more# I didn't want to o to t"e "ospital) 'ca&se I $new I'd e comin "ome alone and empty# T"at's t"e worst part) I t"in$# I feel so empty# I'm cold all t"e time# And now e*eryone expects me to 2&st o on li$e not"in "appened# T"ey lied to me#  0oody told me it wo&ld e li$e t"is# I'm not e*en twenty years old) Emily) and I feel li$e my life is o*er# 4r a part of my life) anyway# And I 2&st $eep waitin for it to stop "&rtin# %&t it doesn't# It 2&st ets worse# /o& don't $now "ow m&c" it "&rts# Emmy# +old me?

(&cy from Alan Ayc$o&rn's I0
B

Ree$a from Aaron (e*y's 40E MA0'S 6A01E My fat"er &sed to tell me t"is 6ot T"e Astrona&t story# It's ao&t t"is irl) w"o was always t"e same ae as me no matter "ow old I ot# S"e was orn paralyed>can't wal$) can't reac" o&t) can't dance# At ni"t s"e and "er fat"er wo&ld sit on t"eir alcony and loo$ &p at t"e stars) 2&st li$e we are# 4ne ni"t) 6ot as$ed "er dad w"ere ,l&to was) t"at of all t"e stars s"e wanted to o to ,l&to# +er fat"er as$ed w"y ,l&to? -'1a&se I co&ld dance on ,l&to)- s"e said# -I co&ld dance wit" Mic$ey Mo&se) and Goofy) and 6onald 6&c$) and me#- +er fat"er pointed to t"e s$y and said) all yo& otta do is p&s" t"ose stars o&t of yo&r way) and yo& can et t"ere# T"at's all yo& otta do# And if yo& et t"ere) if yo& act&ally et t"ere) Ira) it's not dar$ anymore# It's ri"t# -T"en I can't et t"ere)- 6ot said) -'ca&se I can't mo*e) I can't reac"#- And 6ot's dad "eld "er &p to t"e s$y and said) -/o& can reac") if yo& 2&st loo$ &p) et real mad at t"em stars) and p&s" t"em o&t of yo&r way# See? (oo$) t"ere's ,l&to) 6ot# 6on't e afraid) (44= AT IT#-  Pause#@ And s"e loo$ed) and "er fat"er raised "er "i"er) and C "e let o C  Beat #@ And t"at's w"ere s"e is) Ira>on ,l&to) dancin wit" "er pals#

Sal from Glen AltermanDs STREET TA(=  +e wanted "ome fried potatoes) t"atDs all# I donDt $now) I rememer) "e came in "ere loo$inD li$e anyody else# S"ort &y) sat at t"e co&nter# Ri"t o*er t"ere# I as$ed "im) /ea") w"atDll it e?F And "e said) +ome fried potatoesF# 0ot"in &n&s&al) no i deal# So) I ordered &p wit" Sam) my s"ort order coo$# And I t&rn ac$ aro&nd and t"is &yDs li$e smilin# 0ot &n&s&al# %&tCt"ereDs li$e t"is reen low cominD offa "im! /ea"# T"atDs t"e est way I can p&t it# Ri"t t"en and t"ere I $new somet"in strane was "appeninD# 0ow listen) we et all $inds cominD in "ere# Two) t"ree in t"e mornin) we et tr&c$ers) dra ;&eens) "oo$ers) &t none of em) none of em e*er lows wit" reen rays cominD o&t of em# So) I $ept it toet"er) said) Exc&se meC&m) is t"ere somet"inD else I can et c"aCesides t"e potatoes?F And "e stopped smilinD# +e was li$e starinD# Intense# (i$e "e was st&dyin me or somet"in# +e loo$ed at me li$e C li$e I was some $inda insect# 1reepy#
t"ere) still s"a$inD anD said) S&re# /o&Dre welcome# /o&Dre welcome#F AnD t"enC"e left# =elsey from (a&ren Mc1onnell's T+E 04RT+ER0 (IG+TS I want to o "ome# I want to catc" a &s tomorrow and o "ome# To 1alifornia! I can't o ac$ to t"e cain and t"e oat and t"e smell! 0ot after 1alifornia! I can't ta$e it anymore! I'm sorry! I'*e 2&st e&n to realie t"at) I don't $now) I 2&st want a normal life# I didn't t"in$ I did) &t I do# 5ep"yr) e*eryt"in about   o&r life is strane! /o&'*e  2&st li*ed &p "ere so lon yo& don't see it anymore# E*en  I   didn't really see it &ntil we went to *isit my parents! 3e li*e in a "o&se wit" no electricity! T"at is strane# T"e only time I et to "ear m&sic is in t"e car! Sometimes I snea$ o&t to t"e car 2&st to listen to t"e radio>e*en if it is not"in &t t"is co&ntry western crap! And o&r at"t& is o&tside t"e "o&se! T"at is strane# +ow many people "a*e to p&t on snow oots e*ery time t"ey want to ta$e a at"? +ow many people "a*e to mil$ a st&pid oat e*ery time t"ey need a little cream for t"eir coffee? 3e li*e a strane life! %&t t"e stranest t"in of  all is we don't have to li*e t"is way! 3e "a*e options! 3e co&ld mo*e and et real  2os and "a*e a normal life# 4&r parents are e*en willin to "elp &s! %&t instead we c"oose to li*e li$e t"e %e*erly +illillies efore t"ey str&c$ oil# 0ormal people don't li*e li$e t"at! 0ormal people don't want   to li*e li$e t"at# I'm rowin &p fast# I rememer "ow we &sed to sit aro&nd complainin ao&t 1alifornia>ao&t t"e &ildin) t"e rowt") t"e  poll&ted) modern rat.race# We $new a etter way# We were etter t"an all  of them# 3e wo&ld li*e in "armony wit" nat&re# 3e were so self.ri"teo&s! I'll tell yo& t"is m&c" I enjoyed   ein in 1alifornia# I li$ed t"e weat"er# I li$ed t"e malls! I li$ed t"e freeways! I liked  it! (orr from 3illiam MastrosimoneDs T+E U064I0G 6on't elie*e one t"in s"e tells yo& ao&t (eo# +e was t"e est# T"e est# S"e didn't deser*e "im# +e only stayed wit" "er eca&se of me# T"e day I t&rned fo&rteen (eo towed an old 1"e*y on t"e lawn# :or a year "e stripped t"at car down and &ilt it ac$ &p from not"in'# E*eryday wit" sandpaper# And w"en I was fifteen "e said) /o& li$e fres" air) %ay? And I said) yea") and "e "ac$sawed t"e roof off and p&t on a con*ertile top# And w"en I was sixteen "e said) 3"at color) %ay? And I said) Red! And t"at year "e made t"at car t"e most $ic$ass candyapple red yo& e*er saw# And "e so&ped it &p fo&r on t"e floor) <. f&el.in2ected enine) mirrors) mas and do&le.c"rome ex"a&st) pl&s"  &c$et seats) 1#%#) and doly "etto lasters front and ac$# And "e too$ me o&t and ta&"t me to s"ift and people &sed to stop and ta$e pict&res of my car and as$ "im "ow m&c" "e wanted and "e said) yo& ain't ot eno&") and "e p&t a sin o&t front 1AR 04T :4R SA(E# And w"en I t&rned se*enteen) "e a*e me t"e $eys and a map of t"e U#S#A# wit" fi*e one."&ndred dollar ills st&c$ in it) and "e traced t"e roads I s"o&ld ta$e wit" Maic mar$er) coast to coast) and "e said) Get lost) =id# And (orraine said) 4*er my dead ody! And (eo said) Any way yo& want it# And two days efore me and my irlfriend are lea*in) "e ta$es t"e car o&t one ni"t) to et away from "er) and some s"itfaced "otdo w"o's ot no &se for ST4, sins ta$es (eo away from me#  Pause#@ T"e  est# K

Me from S"erry =ramer's T+E 3A(( 4: 3ATER  /o& $now w"y IDm anry? /o& really want to $now? My roommate 3endi steals my ciarettes# S"e steals my ciarettes and it creates a rae in me reater and more terrifyin t"an t"e rae created in me y t"e t"o&"t of early deat" ca&sed y many forms of cancer) e*en t"o&" I donDt "a*e any of t"em and e*en if I did t"ey co&ld e dianosed in time and I co&ld proaly e sa*ed# Unless it was "ead cancer# 4r t"roat cancer# 4r l&n cancer# 3"ic" I do not stand a ood c"ance of ettin) if I stop# %&t t"atDs not w"y IDm oin to stop# I am oin to stop eca&se w"en 3endi steals my ciarettes) s"e doesnDt steal all of t"em# S"e steals all of t"em &t one# I ta$e it as a sin of t"e infl&ence of a ci*iliation on e*en t"e criminally insane t"at 3endi ne*er ta$es my last one# It "as not"in to do wit" consideration# 1ompassion# 1o&rtesy# 3endi "as left all t"ose t"ins far e"ind# Trains canDt stop "er# %&llets canDt stop "er# S"e t"reatens to leap from tall  &ildins in a sinle o&nd# Medical science canDt reac" "er# %&t t"e myt" of t"e last ciarette stops "er# 6ead) e*ery time# If s"e wo&ld 2&st ta$e t"e last ciarette) maye I wo&ldnDt e so anry# %&t no) s"e ta$es nineteen and stops# S"e opens a fres" pac$) empties t"em all o&t) and replaces one# Marty from Gary GarrisonDs 3+E0 A 6Inot"in# And w"en ID*e tried to force myself to e a part of a ro&p) I 2&st faint # # # &t I mean) really faint>o&t cold>eyes ac$) drool e*eryw"ere # # # /o& donDt ma$e many friends t"at way# I mean) I was a no*elty w"en I was a $id>I ot in*ited to e*eryoneDs party 2&st on t"e c"ance IDd faint for t"em and "opef&lly droop into t"e ca$e or p&nc" or "am&rer meat# %&t t"en my no*elty wore off and I realied I was spendin more time ettin propped &p y  room "andles in a corner somew"ere t"an act&ally annoyin t"e party# I always t"o&"t t"at it was 2&st me>t"at I didnDt 3A0T to e a part of A0/T+I0G# T"en ao&t t"ree mont"s ao) I too$ a &s to 0ew 4rleans>2&st to et away from S"re*eport>and I wal$ed in "ere y accident# I stood ri"t ac$ t"ere) eca&se it was crowded and t"ere werenDt any seats# And yaDll were sinin t"is i) ro&p son t"at went somet"in li$e :riends will lift yo& "eart &p w"en life "as let yo& down # # #F IDll ne*er foret "ow yo& all loo$ed# M&sic was soft) and Miss Red was sinin somet"in so f&ll of>lo*e>and I loo$ed at yo& # # # To Penny#@ # # # and t"is>feelin>was all o*er yo&r face # # #  To Crystal #@ # # # and yo& "ad tears in yo&r eyes # # # To Dee-Dee#@ # # # and I saw yo& in t"e a&dience) and yo&r face was>eamin>e*ery word meant somet"in to yo&# And w"en t"e son was o*er) t"e a&dience clapped and w"istled and c"eered for yo&# Softly#@ And yo& too$ eac" ot"erDs "ands) and owed # # # and "eld on to eac" ot"er# /o& didnDt let o# And t"en yo& "&ed eac" ot"er# 4n stae) in front of t"is w"ole>ro&p>of people# And e*eryone was smilin and c"eerin# And I t"o&"t) well # # # I t"o&"t) somet"in "appened "ere) and it "ad somet"in to do wit" w"y people want to e wit" ot"er   people # # # and I want to $now w"at t"at is # # # ID*e loo$ed e*eryw"ere for w"at yo& "a*e "ere e*ery day of yo&r li*es# I donDt $now w"at it is) or w"at itDs called# %&t if I donDt et it) IDm not oin to ma$e it# ItDs t"at real to me# ItDs t"at # # # necessary#  Smilin #@ 

/o& $now) 2&st standin "ere) I feel calmer t"an I "a*e in my w"ole life# And I donDt want to mo*e# So&t"ern 1omfort from Terrence Mc0allyDs 3+IS=E/ So yo& want to $now w"y t"ey call me So&t"ern 1omfort) "&"? 3ell) it isnDt a *ery  pretty story# I rew &p in +o&ston# I was pretty# I was t"e national c"ampion aton twirler and I only dated footall players# T"e typical American irl# T"e first oy I made o&t wit" was %oy %arton in t"e ac$ seat of "is 6addyDs :ord :airlane# %oy was t"e state c"ampion "i" sc"ool ;&arterac$# T"en one day after sc"ool d&rin footall  practice someody tac$led %oy and "e 2&st didnDt et &p# I mean "e was dead# So t"en I started datin %oyDs est friend) Terry 3als") w"o played ri"t &ard and w"oDd een t"e one w"oDd accidentally $illed %oy w"en "e tac$led "im d&rin practice t"at time# +e "ad t"is c&te little MG so we "ad to spread lan$ets o&tside on t"e ro&nd# Terry ot $illed d&rin t"e ame wit" (&oc$ for t"e state finals in A&stin# Spontaneo&s conc&ssion# My senior year I started &p wit" Tiny 3al$er w"o played left end and w"o &sed to e Terry and %oyDs ood friend# +e "ad t"is c"opped down ,lymo&t" wit" front seats yo& co&ld ma$e o flat down# Tiny was small &t powerf&l &t w"en Tiny died after ein tac$led y t"is r&iser a w"ole lot ier t"an "im I stopped datin footall players# I felt li$e a 2inx on em) yo& $now# ,eople were sayin ad t"ins ao&t me# I stopped twirlin) started drin$in) ran away and ot into s"ow &siness) and now I only date m&sicians L t"ey donDt die on yo& li$e footall players#

3oman from =ate S"einDs ACM/ 0AME IS STI(( A(I1E Exc&se me) are yo& t"e reistry cons<ant? 3ell) I'm "ere to reister! :or ifts# I'm *ery excited# 3"en is t"e "appy e*ent? T"ere isn't one# I'm not ettin married# I'll  proaly ne*er et married# /es) I $now t"at yo& only reister rides# :ran$ly) I find t"at a little discriminatory# I'm "ere to reister and I really don't want any "assle# 0o) no  >don't et t"e manaer# It's 2&st t"at yesterday w"ile I was attac"in tiny sil*er ells to a spice rac$ for my friends) t"is *oice inside my "ead started screamin at me# It said) -Sc"m&c$! 3"y do yo& $eep &yin presents for people w"o "a*e fo&nd e*eryt"in t"ey want?- Isn't it eno&" t"at t"ey fell in lo*e? T"ey'*e already won t"e sweepsta$es) w"y do t"ey need door pries? 0ow t"en) I need t"ins# I need matc"in l&ae# 1andlestic$s! ,&t me down for two pairs! 1ome on) 2&st do it! I $now I'm sinle# I confront t"at fact e*ery day of my life# /o& want to $now w"en t"e special e*ent is? A wee$ from Sat&rday# I'm t"rowin a s"ower to anno&nce a life of sinle"ood) and t"e  ea&ty is I won't "a*e to ret&rn anyt"in if it doesn't wor$ o&t!

S;&ea$y :romme from Step"en Sond"eim's ASSASSI0S I was li$e yo& once# (ost# 1onf&sed# A piece of crap# T"en I met 1"arlie# # # I was sittin on t"e eac" in
and I s"o&ld et o&t of "is "o&se fore*er# I went down to t"e eac" and sat down on t"e sand and cried# I felt li$e I was disappearin# (i$e t"e w"ole world was di*idin into two parts# Me) and e*eryody else# And t"en t"is &y came down t"e eac") t"is dirty. loo$in little elf# +e stopped in front of me and smiled t"is twin$ly de*il smile and said) -/o&r daddy $ic$ed yo& o&t#- +e $new! -/o&r daddy $ic$ed yo& o&t!- +ow co&ld "e $now? My daddy didn't tell "im) so w"o co&ld'*e? God# God sent t"is dirty.loo$in little elf to sa*e a little irl lost on a eac"# +e smiled aain and to&c"ed my "air and off  "e went# And for a min&te I 2&st watc"ed "im o# T"en I ran and ca&"t "is "and) and till t"ey arrested "im for stain S"aron Tate) I ne*er let it o# ,r&dence from 1"ristop"er 6&ran's %E/406 T+ERA,/ 6o I want to e married? I "a*e no idea# It's so conf&sin# I $now w"en I was a little irl) Million 6ollar Mo*ie s"owed t"is film called -E*ery Girl S"o&ld %e Married- e*ery ni"t for se*en days# It was t"is d&m comedy ao&t t"is infantile irl played y %etsy 6ra$e w"o wants to e married to t"is pediatrician played y 1ary Grant w"o s"e sees in a dr&store# S"e sees "im for two min&tes) and s"e wants to mo*e in and "a*e aies wit" "im# And "e finds "er totally onoxio&s) &t t"en at t"e end of t"e mo*ie s&ddenly says) -/o&'re ri"t) yo&'re adorale)- and t"en t"ey et married# And w"at conf&sed me f&rt"er was t"at t"e actress %etsy 6ra$e did in fact marry 1ary Grant in real life# 4f  co&rse) it didn't last) and "e married se*eral ot"er people) and t"en later 6yan 1annon said "e was insane and too$ (S6 and so maye one wo&ldn't want to e married to "im at all# %&t if it's no ood ein married to 1ary Grant) w"o is it ood ein married to? Adelaide from Mic"ael Red"ill's %UI(6I0G JERUSA(EM 6r# ,earson) I "a*e sat aro&nd for o*er ninety min&tes t"is e*enin and listened to yo& denirate anyt"in t"at is &nfamiliar or &nappealin to yo&) as if it is yo&r main callin to disill&sion anyone w"o doesnDt see t"ins t"e way yo& do# 6o yo& $now t"at it is) in fact) danero&s to feed o&r infants mil$? ,lain mil$) 6r# ,earson# 3"ile yo& are meas&rin t"e attri&tes of yo&r race of perfect men and women) t"ere are aies w"o are dead eca&se no one ta&"t t"eir mot"ers "ow to "eat mil$# ItDs simple "a*in reac"ed a temperat&re of t"irty.two derees centirade) mil$ will cease to pose any $ind of a t"reat to an infant# It is sweet and no&ris"in# At t"irty.one derees) "owe*er) it is  potentially poison) f&ll of let"al erms# 4ne deree) 6r# ,earson# 1an yo& meas&re t"at for &s? T"irty.two and yo& wa$e &p a family# T"irty.one and yo& "a*e to call t"e cas$et. ma$er# +a*e you e*er "eld one of yo&r own c"ildren in yo&r arms) watc"in t"e *ery life drain from its face? %eca&se yo& were feedin it poison and yo& didnDt $now any etter?  sliht beat @ 4r is t"at 2&st womenDs wor$? C

from (ynn Marie MacyDs 1RU01+I0G 0UM%ERS (oo$) I "a*e to step o*er "omeless people and dr& addicts in t"e street 2&st to et into my office &ildin# ,eople are cray "ere# E*ery time I o o&t IDm afraid IDm onna r&n into some $oo$# Sic$os 2&st come ri"t &p to yo&# T"ey do t"is insane st&ff ri"t in 7N

 p&lic# (i$e) a few mont"s ac$) we were on a s"oot y t"e East Ri*er and saw a &nc" of +ellDs Anels try to drown t"is lo&d.mo&t") red."aired &y# T"ey stripped "im na$ed and tossed "im into t"e ice cold water# 3e "ad to call t"e police# +is wife or someone do*e in to resc&e "im# Unelie*ale# And 2&st last ni"t L really late) I was comin "ome in a ca and I saw t"is cray &y wit" a &n# +e was forcin t"ese two ot"er   people to carry a lamppost down t"e street# My od) I t"o&"t someone was s"ootin a film ca&se "e was dressed &p li$e a anster from an old mo*ie# %&t t"ere were no cameras! E*eryday I wal$ o&t terrified t"at IDm next# T"at todayDs onna e my t&rn to lose my mind#

Georeann from Alan %allDs :I
3oman from 1"ristop"er 6&ran's (AUG+I0G 3I(6 I want to tal$ to yo& ao&t life# It's 2&st too diffic< to e ali*e) isn't it) and try to f&nction? T"ere are all t"ese people to deal wit"# I tried to &y a can of t&na fis" in t"e s&permar$et) and t"ere was t"is  !erson standin ri"t in front of w"ere I wanted to reac" o&t to et t"e t&na fis") and I waited a w"ile) to see if t"ey'd mo*e) and t"ey didn't>t"ey were loo$in at t&na fis" too) &t t"ey were ta$in a real lon time on it) readin t"e inredients on eac" can li$e t"ey were a oo$) a pretty orin oo$) if yo& as$ me) &t noody "asO so I waited a lon w"ile) and t"ey didn't mo*e) and I co&ldn't et to t"e t&na fis" cansO and I t"o&"t ao&t as$in t"em to mo*e) &t t"en t"ey seemed so st&pid not to "a*e sensed   t"at I needed to et y t"em t"at I "ad t"is awf&l fear t"at it wo&ld do no ood) no ood at all) to as$ t"em) t"ey'd proaly say somet"in li$e) -3e'll mo*e w"en we're friin' ready) yo& nain itc")- and t"en w"at wo&ld I do? And so t"en I started to cry o&t of fr&stration) ;&ietly) so as not to dist&r anyone) and still) e*en t"o&" I was softly soin) t"is st&pid person didn't ras! t"at I needed to et y t"em to reac" t"e damn t&na fis") people are so insensiti*e) I 2&st "ate t"em) and so I reac"ed o*er wit" my fist) and I ro&"t it down real "ard on "is "ead and I screamed -3o&ld yo& $indly mo*e) ass"ole!!!- And t"e person fell to t"e ro&nd) and loo$ed totally startled) and 77

some c"ild neary started to cry) and I was still cryin) and I co&ldn't imaine ma$in &se of t"e t&ne fis" now anyway) and so I s"o&ted at t"e c"ild to stop cryin>I mean) it was drawin too m&c" attention to me>and I ran o&t of t"e s&permar$et) and I t"o&"t) I'll ta$e a tax to t"e Metropolitan M&se&m of Art) I need to e s&rro&nded wit" c<&re ri"t now) not t&na fis"#

Ellen from M&rray Sc"isalDs (U< /o&Dre always sayin later# T"atDs a fa*orite play of yo&rs# 0o) Milt# 0ot toni"t# T"ese t"ins m&st e said w"ile t"ey still can e said# IDd li$e to contin&e if yo& donDt mind# 0ow# /o&Dll notice on t"is rap" "ow at t"e einnin of o&r marriae t"e red "oriontal line to&c"es t"e l&e *ertical line at a point of # # # 78) 7B times a wee$) and "ow) rad&ally) t"e n&mer of contacts ecome less and less &ntil 7 mont"s ao) w"en we "a*e an ar&pt rea$.off) t"e last time ein 2&ly 9 rd) t"e ni"t of yo&r sisterDs weddin) and after t"at date t"e red "oriontal line doesnDt to&c" t"e l&e *ertical line once) not once! I "a*e not"in f&rt"er to say) Milt# 3"en somet"in li$e t"is is allowed to "appen to a marriae) yo& canDt o on pretendin# /o& want to pretend# 4") t"e temptation is reat to o*erloo$) to find exc&ses) to rationalie# %&t "ere) Milt) "ere are t"e facts# 4&r relations"ip "as deteriorated to s&c" an extent t"at I donDt feel responsile any more for my own e"a*ior# -Mar$s- from Jane Martin's TA(=I0G 3IT+C Until I was B t"ere was not"in o&t of t"e ordinary) not"in remar$ale ao&t my life# My days were *ery li$e one of t"ose aro;&e strin ;&artets# Soot"in# ,lacid# Repetiti*e# +ad I died at t"at time it wo&ld "a*e een areed) y all w"o $new me) t"at my epitap" s"o&ld read) S"e did as s"e was told#F 4r lander yet) S"e did as s"e s&pposed s"e mi"t e toldF# I met my "&sand) Art"&r) at a festi*e tea "eld to "onor t"e retirin fac<y ad*isor of t"e 1"ristian /o&t" 1enter# 3e were) IDm s&re) t"e last of o&r  eneration to sa*e o&rsel*es for marriae# 3e "ad two c"ildren# :irst a irl and t"en a  oy# 3e "ad two 2o transfers# Two "omes# Two S&di*isions# And t"en on o&r 7Bt" anni*ersary Art"&r left me) sayin I "ad not"in f&rt"er to i*e# I was) "e said) &nmar$ed  y life# I ecame an acolyte to sanria) made rief) ner*o&s forays into sinles ars and one e*enin was wal$ed to my car y a m&sician w"o s&ested t"at we ma$e lo*e t"ere in t"e par$in lot) etween two yellow lines) as "e was) as "e so delicately p&t it) etween sets# 3ell) I resisted and m&c" annoyed) "e c&t me "ere# 3"en t"e scar) t"is scar) formed) I was asto&nded to find t"at for t"e first time people loo$ed at me# 0ot &n$indly and wit" interest# T"ese were not t"e $ind of people I "ad $nown efore# 4") no# T"ese were interestin people) people w"o were not &nmar$ed y life# And it occ&rred to me t"en) or s"ortly t"ereafter) t"at per"aps it mi"t e est to wear o&r li*es &pon o&r s$in# And so I do# May I ad*ise yo&? ,lease# (et t"em mar$ yo&# %eca&se yo& see t"at it is li$eCemroidery# And t"ese people) life.enra*ed) are drawn to eac" ot"er and pass t"e time interpretin t"eir sins# And t"ose moments of s"arin are t"e est of life# Sometimes t"e &nmar$ed are attracted to me# T"ey stareCriefly# :ascinated and a little fri"tened# And in t"e par$in lots) I c&t t"em# And it is t"en t"eir li*es ein# 3it" a 79

little pain# T"at is) if t"ere is any &nderstandin in t"em# /o& &nderstand me? /es) I t"in$ yo& do# Sal&d# Jessie from Mars"a 0ormanDs 0IG+T) M4T+ER  I am w"at ecame of yo&r c"ild# I fo&nd an old ay pict&re of me# And it was someody else) not me# It was someody pin$ and fat w"o ne*er ot sic$ or lonely) someody w"o cried a lot and ot fed) and reac"ed &p and ot "eld and $ic$ed &t didnDt "&rt anyody) and slept w"ene*er s"e wanted to) 2&st y closin "er eyes# Someody w"o mainly 2&st laid t"ere and la&"ed at t"e colors wa*in aro&nd o*er "er "ead and c"ewed on a pol$a.dot w"ale and wo$e &p $nowin some new tric$ nearly e*ery day) and rolled o*er and drooled on t"e s"eet and felt yo&r "and p&llin my ;&ilt ac$ &p o*er me# T"atDs w"o I started o&t and t"is is w"o is left# T"atDs w"at t"is is ao&t# ItDs someody I lost) all ri"t) itDs my own self# 3"o I ne*er was# 4r w"o I tried to e and ne*er ot t"ere# Someody I waited for w"o ne*er came# And ne*er will# So) see) it doesnDt matter w"at else "appens in t"e world or in t"is "o&se) e*en# IDm w"at was wort" waitin for and I didnDt ma$e it# Me # # # w"o mi"t "a*e made a difference to me # # # IDm not oin to s"ow &p) so t"ereDs no reason to stay) except to $eep yo& company) and t"atDs # # # not reason eno&" eca&se IDm not # # # *ery ood company# Am I# Alice from +eat"er Mc6onald's T+E RI
(&cy from Ralp" ,apeDs S4A, 4,ERA I can "a*e 2&st ao&t any man I want t"ese days# It's reat# %&t for a lon time) I &sed to t"in$ of myself as ein &nattracti*e and co&ldn't et many men at all# I "ated t"at period in my life) and I "ated myself too# Until I met t"is &y) Jo"nny# Jo"nny really d& me# +e told me "e &sed to t"in$ of "imself as ein &nattracti*e to women) or somet"in li$e t"at) and for a lon time went aro&nd "atin "imself also# %&t "e was so attracted to me t"at "e 2&st t"rew all "is in"iitions ri"t o&t t"e window# +e p&rs&ed me constantly &ntil I areed to o o&t wit" "im . "e wors"ipped me . "e adored me# I co&ldn't believe t"at a man was payin t"is m&c" attention to me# /o& "a*e to &nderstand I was) li$e) incredily s"y# %&t Jo"nny c"aned all t"at# +e wo&ld say t"ins to me) t"ins t"at an intellient person wo&ld consider sentimental or corny) ao&t my eyes) my lips) my "air# 7

And at first I t"o&"t o" come on) Jes&s# %&t I'll tell yo& somet"in w"en someone really elie*es w"at "e's sayin) yo& elie*e it) too# 3"en someone tells yo&) o*er and o*er) t"at "e lo*es yo&) t"at yo&'re t"e most precio&s t"in in "is w"ole life) yo& lay awa$e at ni"t eside "im) cryin) tryin to find wit"in yo&rself t"e ;&alities t"at "e seems ale to see so clearly) and at last yo& see t"em) too# And it's li$e well" of #ourse# Miss Smit" from %enn 3# (e*y's S,RI0GTIME :4R +E0R/ I don't "appen to "a*e a "&sand# # # # I ceased to "a*e one o*er a year ao# # # # I s"ot "im# # # # I s"ot "im in t"e To&raine# # # # +e was a :renc"man) and we &sed to li*e in t"e To&raine# I was really *ery fond of Aristide># # # # I fo&nd o&t after a year t"at "e "ad a mistress# T"at I co&ld "a*e p&t &p wit") for after all yo& m&st expect :renc"men to e a little it :renc"# %&t "e ean rinin "er "ome to tea# I &sed to say) -,lease) Aristide) dear) don't rin t"at woman "ome to tea# Send "er some tea) if yo& li$e) &t it's not ri"t to rin "er "ere for it#- +e was *ery sweet to me in "is own way and promised "e wo&ld try not to# %&t "e was rat"er wea$) poor darlin) and t"is was one of t"e temptations "e really co&ldn't resist# It seemed to "im innocent eno&"# A few mont"s later I fo&nd o&t "e "ad anot"er mistress alsoO and t"e climax came w"en) after fi"tin aainst it for some time) "e s&rrendered to an imp&lse) and in*ited t"em both to tea# I ar&ed wit" "im *ery nicely) and pointed o&t t"at it wo&ld e so ad for little ,ierre to row &p t"in$in t"at mistresses for tea was in t"e nat&ral co&rse of t"ins# So I o&"t a second."and re*ol*er  and said t"at I was terrily sorry &t) if "e did it aain) I really wo&ld "a*e to ta$e t"e law into my own "ands# 3ell) poor darlin) "e did it aain# # # # It's not &n&s&al in :rance# T"e  2&de was most c"armin) and t"e 2&ry were perfectly sweet# T"ey said t"ey wo&ldn't dream of con*ictin me# E*eryody was extremely sorry for me# T"e 2&de declared t"at in a way I "ad performed a p&lic ser*ice# If "&sands ean t"in$in t"ey mi"t rin t"eir mistresses "ome to tea) "e didn't $now what  wo&ld "appen# 3ife from James (apine's TA%(E SETTI0GS I'*e always een "appy# Always# 4") s&re) t"ere was a time w"en e*en I a*e into depression# %&t really) t"ere's no ;&estion ao&t it# I'm 2&st a "appy person y nat&re#  0ow t"at can t"reaten some people# She looks around the s!a#e to indi#ate the $some  !eo!le$ as her family#@ Sometimes w"en I "a*e a smile on my face t"ey as$ me) -3"at's t"e matter?- (i$e if I'm 2&st in a merry mood) t"ere "as to e a reason# I'm 2&st simpleminded! 0ow t"ere's a lot to e said for simplicity# I don't claim to feel less t"an anyone else# S&re) I "a*e my ad days) &t I let o# I et anry) and t"at's t"at# I don't ma$e t"ins complex w"en t"ey can e simple and easy# I feel pain) &t I don't dwell on it# I t"in$ of t"ins t"at ma$e me "appy# Unli$e some people I $now) I co&nt my  lessins and not my prolems# Ta$e my mot"er.in.law) for instance# All t"at woman seems to tal$ ao&t is t"is one's stomac" cancer) and t"at one's cataract operation and w"o's di*orcin w"o# And my "&sand is fore*er l&ed to "is newspaper>sometimes I t"in$ t"at man wo&ld rat"er read ao&t political &nrest and crime t"an e wit" "is own family# And t"e $ids# 1"ildren) o&r one "ope for t"e f&t&re>last ni"t I 2oined t"em in t"e T< room# T"ey were watc"in t"is r&esome proram ao&t star*in people) in Indo.Asia>or somew"ere! 3ell) I 2&st s"&t t"at tele*ision off and said) -:or cryin o&t 78

lo&d can't yo& $ids watc" somet"in a little c"eerier? 3"ate*er "appened to '4ie and +arriet?'- 3ell) t"ose $ids loo$ed at me li$e I was n&ts# (isten) I 2&st try to smile and  rin a little "appiness into t"is family# I mean we're all oin to end &p wit" six feet of  ro&nd on top of &s) let's "a*e a few la&"s# %&t yo& $now) some people see t"e c&p of  life as "alf empty# I see it as "alf f&ll# And if t"ose "alf empties won't let &s "alf f&lls e "appy# S1RE3'EM#

Amanda from 0ic$y Sil*er's T+E :446 1+AI0 I was readin my paper w"en t"e waiter came o*er and as$ed if I was alone# 3ell! It was o*io&s t"at I was alone# I was sittin t"ere) in a oot") y myself . did "e t"in$ I t"o&"t I "ad an imainary friend wit" me? I was alone! 6id "e "a*e to r& it in? 3as "e tryin to e f&nny? 6id "e t"in$ "e was) in some way etter t"an me? It was in "is tone# -Are yo& alone?- %&t w"at "e meant to say was -/o&'re alone aren't yo&!?- And I can't imaine t"at "e's not alone e*ery sinle day of "is miserale) pat"etic life! +e "as terrile s$in# 0ot t"e way ad s$in is attracti*e on some people# 4n some men! It's ne*er  attracti*e on women . "a*e yo& noticed t"at? J&st one more example of t"e in2&stices we are forced to s&ffer! If we "a*e ad s$in) we're rotes;&e! (et a man "a*e ad s$in and "e can e Ric"ard %&rton for God sa$e! I "ate ein a woman! I'*e strayed# T"e point is t"e waiter wit" terrile s$in and reasy "air as$s if I'm alone# I want to pic$ &p my &tter  $nife and sta it in "is s&n$en ca*ed in c"est! %&t I simply respond -0o) I'm married) t"an$ yo&#-

4li*e from 0eil Simon's T+E 466 14U,(E I'll tell yo& exactly w"at it is# ItDs t"e coo$in) t"e cleanin and t"e cryin# ItDs t"e moose calls t"at open yo&r ears at two oDcloc$ in t"e mornin# I canDt ta$e it anymore) :lorence# IDm crac$in &p# E*eryt"in yo& do irritates me# And w"en yo&Dre not "ere) t"e t"ins I $now yo&Dre oin to do w"en yo& come in irritate me # # # /o& lea*e me little notes on my pillow# 3eDre all o&t of corn fla$es# :#U#F # # # It too$ me t"ree "o&rs to fi&re o&t t"at :#U# was :lorence Uner # # # ItDs no oneDs fa<) :lorence# 3eDre 2&st a rotten pair# And t"atDs 2&st t"e frame# T"e pict&re I "a*enDt e*en painted yet # # # E*ery ni"t in my diary I write down t"e t"ins yo& did t"at day t"at ara*ate me # # # T"is is J&ne and so far I filled &p till Jan&ary # # # And I "a*enDt e*en p&t down t"e Gaspac"o %rot"ers yet# :or ei"t mont"s ID*e li*ed all alone in t"is apartment# I t"o&"t I was miserale# I t"o&"t I was lonely# I too$ yo& in "ere eca&se I t"o&"t we co&ld "elp eac" ot"er # # # And after t"ree wee$s of close) personal contact) I "a*e "i*es) s"inles and t"e "eartrea$ of psoriasis # # # I am rowin old at twice t"e speed of so&nd# # # I "a*e se*en new li*er spots on my "and t"at loo$ li$e t"e %i 6ipper # # # I canDt ta$e any more) :lorence # # # 6o me a fa*or and mo*e into t"e $itc"en# (i*e wit" yo&r pots) yo&r pans) yo&r ladle and yo&r meat t"ermometer# # # IDm oin inside to lie down now # # # My teet" are comin loose and IDm afraid if I drop t"em in "ere) yo&Dll et o&t yo&r *ac&&m cleaner aain#

7B

T+E ART 4: 6I0I0G) y Tina +owe# Eliaet" %arrow 1olt# 3"en I was yo&n I ne*er e*en saw my mot"er in t"e $itc"en# T"e food 2&st appeared at mealtime as if y maic) all steamin and ready to eat# (acey wo&ld carry it on t"ese i w"ite ser*in platters t"at "ad a rim of raised c"ina acorns# 4&r plates "ad t"e same rim# Twenty.two acorns per plate) eac" one ao&t t"e sie of a l&mp of c"ewed &m# 3"en I was *ery yo&n I &sed to try and pry t"em off wit" my $nife# # # # 3e ate e*ery ni"t at ei"t oDcloc$ s"arp eca&se my parents didnDt start t"eir coc$tail "o&r &ntil se*en) &t since dinner time was meant for exc"anin news of t"e day) t"e emp"asis was always on tal$in # # # # and not on eatin# My fat"er olted "is food) and my mot"er played wit" "ers sc&lptin it &p into "ills and t"en mas"in it ac$ down t"ro&" "er for$# To ma$e t"ins worse) efore we sat down at t"e tale s"eDd always p&t on a fres" smear of  lipstic$# I still rememer t"e s"ade# It was called :ire and IceF # # # # a dar$ t"roin red t"at r&ed off on "er for$ in waxy cl&mps t"at stained "er food pin$) so t"at y t"e end of t"e first co&rse s"eDd "a*e rended e*eryt"in into a $ind of # # # # rosy p&ree# As my fat"er wolfed down "is meat and *eetales) IDd watc" my mot"er t"read t"is p&ree t"ro&" t"e raised acorns on "er plate) fannin it o&t into lon r&nny pin$ rions # # # # I co&ld ne*er eat a t"in# # # # 3A=E U,) AMERI1A!F s"eDd tr&mpet to me# /o&Dre not  ein exc&sed from t"at tale &ntil yo& clean &p t"at plate!F So) IDd ta$e se*eral mo&t"f&ls and t"en w"en no one was loo$in) wo&ld spit t"em o&t into my nap$in# Eac" ni"t I systematically transferred e*eryt"in on my plate into t"at lifesa*in nap$in # # #

%ET3EE0 6A/(IG+T A06 %440
7H

la&"inD) said to "ell wit" it# (eft e*eryt"in in t"e yard and went &p to ed# And t"atDs t"e secret # # # 6onDt e*er o to ed anry#

1RIMES 4: T+E +EART) y %et" +enley# %ae# 3illie Jay was o*er# 3e were 2&st standin aro&nd on t"e ac$ porc" playin wit" 6o# 3ell) s&ddenly 5ac$ery comes from aro&nd t"e side of t"e "o&se# And "e startled me ca&se "eDs s&pposed to e away at t"e office) and t"ere "e is comin from ro&nd t"e side of t"e "o&se# Anyway) "e says to 3illie Jay) +ey) oy) w"at are yo& doin ac$ "ere?F And I said) +eDs not doin anyt"in# /o& 2&st o on "ome) 3illie Jay! /o& 2&st r&n ri"t on "ome#F 3ell) efore "e can mo*e) 5ac$ery comes &p and $noc$s "im once ri"t across t"e face and t"en s"o*es "im down t"e porc" steps) ca&sin "im to s$in &p "is elow real ad on t"at "ard concrete# T"en "e says) 6onDt yo& e*er come aro&nd "ere aain) or IDll "a*e t"em c&t o&t yo&r iard!F 3ell) 3illie Jay starts cryin) t"ese tears come streamin down "is face) t"en "e ets &p real ;&ic$ and r&ns away wit" 6o followin off after "im# After t"at) I donDt rememer m&c" too clearlyO letDs see # # # # I went on into t"e li*in room) and I went ri"t &p to t"e da*enport and opened t"e drawer  w"ere we $eep t"e &rlar &n # # # I too$ it o&t# T"en I L I ro&"t it &p to my ear# T"atDs ri"t# I p&t it ri"t inside my ear# 3"y) I was onna s"oot off my own "ead! T"atDs w"at I was onna do# T"en I "eard t"e ac$ door slammin and s&ddenly) for some reason) I t"o&"t ao&t mama # # # "ow s"eDd "&n "erself# And "ere I was ao&t ready to s"oot myself# T"en I realied L t"atDs ri"t I realied "ow I didnDt want to $ill myself! And s"e  L s"e proaly didnDt want to $ill "erself# S"e wanted to $ill "im) and I wanted to $ill "im) too# I wanted to $ill 5ac$ery) not myself# 1a&se I L I wanted to li*e! So I waited for  "im to come on into t"e li*in room# T"en I "eld o&t t"e &n) and I p&lled t"e trier) aimin for "is "eart) &t ettin "im in t"e stomac"# after a !ause@ ItDs f&nny t"at I really did t"at#

T+E +4USE 4: %(UE (EA
spill open and Jac$ie =ennedyDs wis low down :orty.second Street and 1ardinal Spellman "its me and Jo"nson screams and I "it "im# I "it t"em all# And t"en t"e Green (atrine lows fo&r flat tires and sin$s and I r&n to protect t"e car and fo&r cas appear  and all my friends r&n into fo&r different cas# And cars are "on$in at me to mo*e# I  p&s" t"e car o*er t"e ride ac$ to P&eens# /o&Dre asleep# I t&rn on Jo"nny 1arson to et my mind off and t"ereDs 1ardinal Spellman and %o +ope w"ose nose is still  leedin and t"ey tell t"e story of w"at "appened to t"em and e*eryody la&"s# T"irty million people watc" Jo"nny 1arson and t"ey all la&"# At me# At me# IDm noody# I $new all t"ose people etter t"an me# /o&# Ronnie# I $now e*eryt"in ao&t t"em# 3"y canDt t"ey lo*e me?

RE1=(ESS) y 1rai (&cas# Rac"el# I t"in$ IDm more excited t"an t"ey are# I really do# I t"in$ we 2&st "a*e $ids so we can tell t"em all ao&t Santa 1la&s and "a*e an exc&se to elie*e it o&rsel*es aain# I really do# T"ey are so excited# I rememer t"at feelin so clearly# I didnDt t"in$ I co&ld e*er  sleep# And I rememer pinc"in myself and pinc"in myself to stay awa$e so I co&ld "ear t"e reindeersD footsteps) yo& $now? I wanted to elie*e it so adly# I t"in$ t"at was t"e last year I did # # # # 4" od # # # is it still snowin? 3"y donDt yo& t&rn t"e so&nd &p? 4") itDs comin down li$e cray# /o& can "ear it) canDt yo&? 3"en it ets deep li$e t"is? It 2&st swallows &p all t"e so&nd and yo& feel li$e yo&D*e een wrapped &p in t"e "ands of a i) sweet) iant) w"ite # # # monster# +eDs oin to carry &s away into a dream# My family always "ad c"ampane first t"in efore we opened o&r presents L I mean in t"e mornin) yo& $now I always lo*ed t"at# I felt li$e s&c" an ad< "a*in c"ampane and I rememer sayin to my mot"er t"e &les in t"e c"ampane loo$ed li$e snow if yo& t&rned yo&r "ead &pside down# I rememer t"in$in t"at I wanted to li*e in Alas$a  eca&se it always snowed and Santa was &p t"ere) so it m&st always e 1"ristmas if it always snowed # # # /o&Dre my Santa 1la&s# And o&r two el*es# IDm "a*in one of my e&p"oria attac$s# I t"in$ IDm oin to e terminally "appy) yo&Dd etter watc" o&t) itDs catc"in# +i"ly contaio&s # # # # 3"atDs t"e matter? J&st sleepy?

RE1=(ESS) y 1rai (&cas# ,ooty# If yo&D*e e*er wor$ed wit" needy people) it doesnDt matter w"at t"eir partic&lar "andicap) t"ey can e lind) t"ey can e mentally ill) t"ey can e disaled # # # I &sed to wor$ wit" t"e "earin impaired) teac"in sin lan&ae# Almost immediately yo& realie "ow easy it is to ta$e t"eir infirmity for ranted in t"e sea of so m&c" need# Anormality ecomes normality# 3"en I lost t"e &se of my les) a friend dro*e me &p "ere to Sprinfield to ta$e a loo$ at t"is place w"ere yo& wor$ wit" t"e "andicapped# I watc"ed t"e *ario&s p"ysical t"erapists wor$ wit" t"e patients and t"ere was one I rememer "er was wor$in wit" a ;&adrapleic# I t"o&"t "e was t"e most ea&tif&l man IDd e*er seen# A li"t s"inin o&t t"ro&" "is s$in# And I t"o&"t if I co&ldnDt e wit" "im IDd die# %&t I $new I wo&ld e 2&st one more crippled dame as far as "e was concerned)

7

so my friend "elped to et me reistered as deaf and disaled# I t"o&"t if I were some"ow needier t"an t"e rest I wo&ld et special attention# I realied soon eno&" L e*eryone ets special attention w"ere (loyd is concerned) &t  y t"en it was too late# +e was in lo*e wit" me) wit" my "onesty# +e learned to sinO "e told me "ow "eDd r&n away from a ad marriae and c"aned "is name so "e wo&ldnDt "a*e to pay c"ild s&pport# +e ot me a 2o at +ands Across t"e Sea# I co&ldnDt rin myself to tell "im I "ad anot"er name and anot"er life) t"at IDd r&n away too) eca&se I owed t"e o*ernment so m&c" money and wasnDt ale to pay after t"e accident# # # # I elie*e in "onesty# I elie*e in total "onesty# And I need "im and "e needs me to e t"e  person "e t"in$s I am and I am t"at person# I really am t"at person# IDm a crippled deaf  irl L S"ort and sto&t# +ere is my w"eelc"air) "ere is my mo&t"#F # # # # 3"en "e oes o&t I scream and scream 2&st to "ear my *oice# 0oise# I recite poetry I rememer from rade sc"ool) I ale) I tal$ ac$ to t"e tele*ision# I e*en call people on t"e p"one and say itDs a wron n&mer 2&st to "a*e a con*ersation# IDm afraid IDm oin to open my mo&t" to scream one day # # # She does% no sound&@

SISTER MAR/ IG0ATIUS EQ,(AI0S IT A(( :4R /4U) y 1"ristop"er 6&ran# 6iane# 3"en I was sixteen) my mot"er ot reast cancer) w"ic" spread# I prayed to God to let "er s&fferin e small) &t "er s&fferin seemed to me ;&ite extreme# S"e was in ad pain for "alf a year) and t"en terrile pain for m&c" of a f&ll year# T"e &lcerations on "er ody were "orrifyin to "er and to me# +er last few wee$s s"e slipped into a semi.conscio&s state) w"ic" allowed "er) &nfort&nately) to wa$e &p for a few min&tes at a time and to "a*e a f&ll awareness of "er pain and "er fear of deat"# S"e was ale to reconie me) and s"e wo&ld try to cry) &t s"e was &nale toO and to spea$) &t s"e was &nale to# I t"in$  s"e wanted me to et "er new doctorsO s"e ne*er really accepted t"at "er disease was oin to $ill "er) and s"e t"o&"t in panic t"at "er doctors m&st e incompetent and t"at new ones co&ld maically c&re "er# T"en) t"an$ oodness) s"e went into a f&ll coma# A n&rse w"o I $new to e 1at"olic ass&red me t"at e*eryt"in wo&ld e done to $eep "er ali*e L a d&io&s comfort# +appily) t"e doctor was not 1at"olic) or if "e was) not doctrinaire) and t"ey didnDt &se extraordinary means to $eep "er ali*eO and s"e finally died after se*eral more wee$s in "er coma# 0ow t"ere are) I am s&re) far worse deat"s L terrile &rnins) tort&res) pla&e)  pestilence) famine) 1"rist on t"e cross e*en) as Sister li$es to say# %&t I t"o&"t my mot"erDs deat" was ad eno&") and I ot conf&sed as to w"y I "ad een prayin and to w"om# I mean) if prayer was really t"is sort of &tton yo& pressed L admit yo& need t"e (ord) t"en +e stops yo&r s&fferin L t"en w"y didnDt it always wor$? 4r e*er wor$? And w"en it wor$ed) so.called) and o&r prayers were s&pposedly answered) wasnDt it as li$ely to e c"ance as God? God always answers o&r prayers) yo& said) +e 2&st sometimes says no# %&t w"y wo&ld "e say no to stoppin my mot"erDs s&fferin? I wasnDt e*en as$in t"at s"e li*e) 2&st t"at +e end "er s&fferin# And it canDt e t"at +e was lettin "er s&ffer eca&se s"eDd een ad)  eca&se s"e "adnDt een ad and esides s&fferin doesnDt seem to wor$ t"at way)

7

considerin t"e s&fferin of c"ildren w"oD*e o*io&sly done not"in wron# So w"y was "e lettin "er s&ffer?

STI(( (I:E) y Emily Mann# 1"eryl# I "ate to coo$# ,roaly eca&se "e li$es to coo$# I "ate to coo$) I donDt $now "ow to coo$) and I "ate it# Mar$ does t"is spa"etti dinner once a year# +as "e e*er told yo& ao&t t"at? E*ery day efore T"an$si*in Mar$ does a spa"etti dinner) and t"is is a traditional t"in# T"is is t"e one traditional one Mar$ "as in "is ody) and IDd li$e to  rea$ it# +e "as twenty to forty.fi*e people come to t"is t"in# +e ma$es ra*ioli) lasana) spa"etti) meatalls) t"ree different $inds of spa"etti sa&ces s"rimp) plain) meat sa&ce# 4") "e ma$es nocci! +e ma$es "is own noodles! And itDs ood# +eDs a damn ood coo$ for Italian food# %&t yo& can imaine w"at I o t"ro&" for t"ree wee$s for t"at party to feed forty people# Sit down dinner# +e insists itDs a sit.down dinner# So "ere I am r&nnin aro&nd wit" no time to coo$ wit" "im# IDm tryin to et eno&" s"it in my "o&se to feed forty people sit.down dinner# 3e "eated t"e porc" last year eca&se we did not "a*e eno&" room to seat forty people# And I r&n aro&nd ser*in all t"ese slos) and t"is is t"e first year "eDs really c"ared anyone# And we lose on it e*ery year# I mean) we lose) first year we lost NN# T"is year is a BNN deal# IDm "a*in a ay t"is  0o*emer) and if "e t"in$s "eDs "a*in any $ind of spa"etti dinner) "e can et "is &tt o&t of "ere# I canDt ta$e it # # # # +eDs so selfis") "eDs so self.centered# And t"is is w"at I tell "im# IDm 2&st tired of it# +eDs so selfis"# %eca&se t"is spa"etti dinner 2&st r&ins me# %ay or no ay) it 2&st completely r&ins me# And "eDs s"owin off "is) "is wonderf&l coo$in t"at "e does once a year# And I s&ppose t"is is w"y I "ate coo$in#

TA(=I0G 3IT+ # # # y Jane Martin# :renc" :ries#F She is an old woman in a straiht-ba#k #hair holdin a #Donald(s #u!& She is  surrounded by several bundles of news!a!ers&@ If I "ad one wis" in my life) w"y IDd li$e to li*e in Mc6onaldDs# Ri"t t"ere in t"e resta&rant# Stead of in t"is old place# IDll come &p to t"e row of t"e "ill) owed down wit" my tro&les) "&rtinD &nder my load and IDll see t"at yellow "orses"oe) sort of li$e a rainow) and it i*es my old spirit a lift# (ord) I can sit in a Mc6onaldDs all day# ID*e done it too# 3al$ed t"e se*en miles wit" t"e s&n  2&st on its way) and t"en sat on t"e c&r &ntil fi*e min&tes of se*en# :irst one t"ere and t"e last to lea*e# J&st li$e some olD :renc" fry t"ey forot# I li$e t"e yo&n people wor$inD t"ere# (i$e a team of fine yo&n "orses w"en I was rowinD &p# All smilinD# Tell yo& w"at I really li$e t"o&" is t"e plastic# God a*e &s  plastic so t"ere wo&ldnDt e no stains on "is world# See) in t"e "&man world of t"e eart") it all ets scratc"ed) stained) tore &p) faded down# (oses its s"ine# All of it does# In time# 3ell) God "e a*e &s t"e idea of plastic so weDd $now w"at t"e e*erlastin really was# See if t"ereDs plastic t"en t"ereDs s&rely eternity# ItDs GodDs "int# /o& e*er watc" fol$s w"en t"ey come on in t"e Mc6onaldDs? T"ey always speed &s) almost r&n t"e last few steps# /o& see if t"ey donDt# 4ld 6oin wit" t"e arn in si"t# T"ey $now itDs safe in t"ere and it ainDt safe o&tside# 0ow it ainDt safe o&tside and yo& 9N

$now it# /o& e*er see anyody die in a Mc6onaldDs? 0o sir# 0o way# 0oody e*er "as died in one# S"oot) t"ey die in %&rer =ins all t"e time# =ent&c$y :ried 1"ic$enDs ot t"eir own damn am&lances# 0oooooooooo) yo& canDt die in a Mc6onaldDs no matter  "ow "ard yo& try# ItDs t"e spices# Seals yo& safe in t"is life li$e it seals in t"e fla*or# /essssssssss) yes! Sometimes I see it li$e t"e last of a mo*ie# IDm li*in in Mc6onaldDs and itDs real late at ni"t and yo& see me &p close) smilin) and t"en yo& see t"e w"ole Mc6onaldDs from t"e o&tside) lit &p and friendly# And I et smaller and smaller) li$e t"ey do) and t"en itDs 2&st a li"t in t"e dar$ness) li$e a star) and IDm in it# IDm part of t"at li"t) part of t"e w"ole s$y) and itDs all Mc6onaldDs) &t part of somet"in e*en ier) somet"in fixed and s"iny # # # li$e plastic# I $now# I $now# ItDs 2&st a dream# J&st a eacon in t"e storm# %&t yo& ot to "a*e a dream# ItDs o&r dreams ma$e &s w"at we are#

TA(=I0G 3IT+ # # # # y Jane Martin# Twirler#F Twirlin is t"e p"ysical parallel of re*elation# /o& canDt $now t"at# Twirlin is t"e t"rowin of yo&rself &p to God# ItDs a p&re ift) "idden from Satan eca&se it is wrapped and dis&ised in t"e midst of footall# It is God t"rowin) spirit fire) and *ery few come to it# /o& "a*e to row eyes in yo&r "eart to &nderstand its messae) and w"en it opens to yo& it ecomes yo&r pat" to s&ffer ridic&le) to e cr&cified y mis&nderstandin) and to  e spit &pon# T"ere is a twirlin no one sees# At t"e winter solstice we o to a meadow God s"owed &s  2&st o&tside of Green %ay# T"e God.t"rowers come t"ere on 6ecemer twenty.first# T"ereDs snow) sometimes deep snow) and o&r clot"es fall away and we stand &nprotected w"ile acolytes rin t"e tons#F T"ey are eony tonsF wit" raors set all alon t"e s"aft# T"ey are t"ree feet lon# 4ne y one t"e twirlers t"row) two tonsF eac") t"irty feet &p) and as t"ey fall ac$ t"ey c&t yo&r "ands# T"e raors arc" into t"e air and find God and t"en fly down to ta$e yo&r lood in a cr&cifixion) and t"e red drops draw God on t"e ro&nd and if yo& are &p wit" t"e atons yo& can loo$ down and see "im re*ealed# Red on w"ite# Red on w"ite# /o& canDt imaine# /o& canDt imaine "ow wonderf&l t"at is# I started twirlin w"en I was six &t I ne*er really twirled &ntil # # # # I saw GodDs face from t"irty feet &p in t"e air and I $now "im# (isten# I will lea*e my sil*er aton "ere for  yo&# (yin "ere as if I forot it) and w"en t"e people file o&t) yo& can wait ac$ and pic$  it &p) it can e yo&rsO it can e yo&r &rden# It is t"e eye of t"e needle# I lea*e it for yo&#

:E01ES) y A&&st 3ilson# Rose# I een standin wit" yo&! I een ri"t "ere wit" yo&) Troy# I ot a life too# I a*e se*enteen years of my life to stand in t"e same spot wit" yo&# 6onDt yo& t"in$ I e*er  wanted ot"er t"ins? 6onDt yo& t"in$ I "ad dreams and "opes? 3"at ao&t my life? 3"at ao&t me) Troy# 6onDt yo& t"in$ it e*er crossed my mind to want to $now ot"er men? T"at I wanted to lay &p somew"ere and foret ao&t my responsiilities? T"at I wanted someone to ma$e me la&" so I co&ld feel ood# /o& not t"e only person w"oDs ot wants 97

and needs# %&t I "eld onto yo&) Troy# I too$ all my feelins) my wants and needs) my dreams # # # and I &ried t"em inside yo&# I planted a seed and watc"ed and prayed o*er  it# I planted myself inside yo& and waited to loom# And it didnDt ta$e me no se*enteen years to find o&t t"e soil was "ard and roc$y and it wasnDt ne*er onna loom# %&t I "eld onto yo&) Troy# I "eld yo& ti"ter# /o& was my "&sand# I owed yo& e*eryt"in I "ad# E*ery part of me I co&ld find to i*e yo&# And &pstairs in t"at room # # # wit" t"e dar$ness fallin in on me # # # I a*e e*eryt"in I "ad to try and erase t"e do&t t"at yo& wasnDt t"e finest man in t"e world# And w"ere*er yo& was oin # # # I wanted to e t"ere wit" yo&! 1a&se yo& was my "&sand# 1a&se t"atDs t"e only way I was onna s&r*i*e as yo&r wife# /o& always tal$in ao&t w"at yo& i*e and w"at yo& donDt "a*e to i*e# %&t yo& ta$e too) Troy# /o& ta$e # # # and donDt e*en $now noodyDs i*in#

MA RAI0E/DS %(A1= %4TT4M) y A&&st 3ilson# Ma Rainey# I een doin t"is a lon time# E*er since I was a little irl# I donDt care w"at noosy else do# T"atDs w"at ets me so mad wit" Ir*in# 3"ite fol$s try to e p&t o&t wit" yo& all t"e time# Too c"eap to &y me a 1oca.1ola# I lets t"em $now it) t"o&"# Ma donDt stand for  no crap# 3anna ta$e my *oice and trap it in t"em fancy oxes wit" all t"em &ttons and dials # # # and t"en too c"eap to &y me a 1oca.1ola# And it donDt cost &t a nic$el a  ottle# T"ey donDt care not"in ao&t me# All t"ey want is my *oice# 3ell) I done learned t"at) and t"ey onna treat me li$e I want to e treated no matter "ow m&c" it "&rt t"em# T"ey  ac$ t"ere now callin me all $inds of names # # # callin me e*eryt"in &t a c"ild of  God# %&t t"ey canDt do not"in else# T"ey ainDt ot w"at t"ey wanted yet# As soon as t"ey et my *oice down on t"em recordin mac"ines) t"en itDs 2&st li$e if IDd e some w"ore and t"ey roll o*er and p&t t"eir pants on# AinDt ot no &se for me t"en# I $now w"at IDm tal$in ao&t# /o& watc"# Ir*in ri"t t"ere wit" t"e rest of t"em# +e donDt care not"in ao&t me eit"er# +eDs een my manaer for six years) always tal$in ao&t stic$in toet"er) and t"e only time "e "ad me in "is "o&se was to sin for some of "is friends# If yo& colored and can ma$e t"em some money) t"en yo& alri"t wit" t"em# 4t"erwise) yo& 2&st a do in t"e alley# I done made t"is company more money from my records t"an all t"e ot"er recordin artists t"ey ot p&t toet"er# And t"ey wanna al$ ao&t "ow m&c" t"is session is costin t"em#

640DT %REAT+E 40 T+E J4%) y Allen 6a*is) III# 3oman# T"is is w"at "appened# I am recommended for a secretary 2o at t"is i corporation# T"e man w"o "ires reets me and i*es me coffee# +e is ao&t to order a pia w"ic" "e offers me L no) first "e as$s) 6o yo& prefer rice or eans?F and I 2o$e wit" "im t"at I do not need rice or eans t"ree times a day) &t "e does not la&"# So "e sends o&t for pia) extra pepperoni in my "onor# I do not feel comfortale) &t t"is is a ood.payin 2o and I need it# +e tells me t"ey "a*e no Spanis" employees in t"e front office) and t"e i) lieral oss t"in$s t"is is a terrile o*ersi"t# I tell "im) yes it is) and "e says) I t"o&"t ,&erto Ricans were ,&erto 99

Ricans)F and I say) o" no) ,&erto Ricans are definitely +ispanic# So "e t"in$s for a second and says) Maye t"atDs e*en etter# I mean) yo&Dre almost an American) ri"t?F +e says t"e i) lieral oss insists on a real Spanis" secretary) so I simply say I am real and Spanis") and "e replies) /o& may e too real# 3e want someone Spanis") &t not too Spanis"#F I donDt &nderstand) &t I need t"is 2o adly# My "&sandDs pay is not eno&") so I say I will e as Spanis" as "e wants and t"at I type ninety words a min&te) ta$e s"ort"and) and am experienced on # I remar$ I $now I am a little dar$er t"an some +ispanics) and "e 2&mps in 3e "a*e no discrimination eca&se of race) reliion) or color# 3e only "a*e discrimination eca&se of o*ersi"ts# In fact) we prefer t"e person we "ire not to e too li"t eca&se t"en s"e wo&ld loo$ and so&nd li$e an American) and t"at wo&ldnDt e fair to t"e Spanis"#F I ass&re "im I can impro*e on my accent) and "e says) 4" no) yo&r  accent is perfect#
1+414(ATE 1A=E) y Mary Galla"er# Annmarie# 3ell # # # I>I p&t on a lot of wei"t # # # after I married Roie# %&t I ne*er can seem to stay on a diet more t"an a day or two# I mean) t"ereDs Roie all t"e time # # # and w"en I "a*e to coo$ por$ c"ops and "as" rowns and isc&its and applesa&ce for "im) it seems so d&m to 2&st t"ere watc"in "im eat L "earin "im c"ew Lw"ile I am playin wit" carrot stic$s # # # especially w"en "e $eeps tellin me "ow tasty e*eryt"in is and w"at a reat little coo$ I am# Most of t"e time) "e ne*er says a word ao&t my coo$in# J&st w"en IDm on a diet# At least it seems li$e t"at # # # So t"en) e*en if I ma$e it t"ro&"

9

dinner and T<) w"ic" is real "ard) wit" Roie drin$in eer and eatin snac$s # # # w"en we et in ed) e*ery time) "ere comes Roie in "is p2Ds wit" a i root eer float# So I say) Roie) yo&Dre 2&st mean#F And Roie says) 1ome on) Annie) yo& $now yo& "ate t"is diet st&ff# And yo& donDt need it# /o& loo$ ood) yo& loo$ li$e a woman# /o&Dre always ea&tif&l to me#F I say) 3ell) yo& s&re donDt act li$e it#F T"en "e says) 1ome on) Annie#F And "e eats "is root eer float# And t"en "e oes to sleep# And t"en # # # I lie t"ere) as lon as I can stand it L and t"en I et &p and p&t my at"roe on L t"e old one wit" t"e "oles# And I o in t"e $itc"en) and I ma$e myself a reat i root eer float# ItDs twice as i as RoieDs# I ma$e it in t"e orane 2&ice pitc"er# And I eat t"e w"ole t"in standin &p ri"t t"ere at t"e co&nter# And t"en I wor$ my way ac$  t"ro&" t"e day# I eat w"ate*er Roie left at dinner) and w"ate*er I didnDt "a*e for l&nc"  eca&se it was too fattenin) and w"ate*er I s$ipped at rea$fast # # # and t"en I wor$ my way t"ro&" t"e refrierator and t"e c&poards) I eat e*ery sinle t"in I can et my "ands on t"at I s"o&ldnDt eat) pean&t &tter and anana sandwic"es! And taco c"ips and so&r cream dip! And fried potato stic$s! And pop tarts! And :rosted :la$es ri"t o&t of  t"e ox! And 4reos t"at I dip in 1ool 3"ip! And stic$y &ns! And Girl Sco&t coo$ies t"at are still "alf froen from t"e freeer! And t"en I realie t"at I am eatin t"ins I donDt e*en li$e! T"ins t"at taste terrile! Stale 1"eese 6oodles and "ard mars"mallows) and moldy coffee ca$e! And a$in c"ocolate! And old nasty Easter candy t"atDs all st&c$  toet"er! And t"ose little flower decorations t"at yo& p&t on irt"day ca$es! I mean) I donDt care! I 2&st eat e*eryt"in! E*eryt"in t"atDs ad#

(A06S1A,E 4: T+E %46/) y Jo"n G&are# %etty# It ot"ered me at first not $nowin w"o $illed %ert# %&t t"en I t"o&"t of all t"e t"ins we donDt $now# All t"e secrets in t"e world ot p&t in a ottle and t"rown in t"e sea) and maye someday IDll e wal$in alon a eac" and t"e ottle containin t"e messae for  me will was" &p# If I donDt $now t"e answer) itDs t"ere and one day maye an incredile coincidence will occ&r and IDll $now all IDll need to $now# 4r t"e m&rderer will come forward# 4r IDll e*en foret once I "ad a secret# IDll rememer I "ad a oy li$e IDll rememer I once "ad a mot"er and once "ad a fat"er) and IDll try to $eep pilin t"e wei"t on t"e present) so IDll stay ali*e and wonDt slide ac$# If I donDt $now) someody $nows# My life is a tri&mp" of all t"e t"ins I donDt $now# I donDt "a*e to $now e*eryt"in# I read Aat"a 1"risties and t"row t"em away w"en t"e detecti*e says) And t"e m&rderer is # # #  T"e mysteryDs always reater t"an t"e sol&tion# I was terrified to "a*e a $id# I said  efore I ot prenant) IDll "a*e a $id and t"e eyes will end &p on one side of t"e face and all t"e finers on one "and and all t"e toes on one foot and ot" ears on one side of t"e "ead# And %ert was orn and "e was perfect# And t"is is t"e only t"in I $now# T"ereDs ot to e some order in t"ere# IDm mo*in to t"is new place and it "as i "o&ses wit" classical col&mns and maye IDll find a 2o in one of t"em in a "o&se owned y an old man w"o "as an art collection and IDll read &p on classical painters and maye "eDll as$  me to marry "im or maye IDll $ill "im and et "im to sin t"e collection o*er to me or  maye IDll lo*e "im and marry "im# 4r maye IDll disco*er a secret inside me t"at will ma$e t"e w"ole world etter# IDm not disco&ntin not"in# Maye IDll e transplanted into

98

someody reat w"o $nows t"e secret) my secret) or maye IDll ne*er $now and a tornado or a water spo&t will w"is$ me &p and IDll t&rn into rain and end &p in t"e sea#

 0IG+T (USTER) y (a&ra +arrinton# Roma# I donDt t"in$ people see me# I et t"is feelin sometimes li$e IDm in*isile or somet"in# I can e standin t"ere in a room and IDm tal$in and e*eryt"in) and itDs li$e my words arenDt ettin anyw"ere and I loo$ down at myself and  jesus" sometimes my ody isnDt ettin anyw"ere eit"er# ItDs li$e IDm standin e"ind a one.way mirror and I can see t"e &ys and I can "ear t"e &ys) &t t"ey canDt see me and t"ey canDt "ear me# And I start to wonder if maye IDm &ly or somet"in) li$e maye IDm some alien species from anot"er   planet and I donDt spea$ t"e lan&ae and I loo$ totally weird# %&t I donDt $now t"is) yo& see) eca&se on t"is ot"er planet I "ad t"is really nice mot"er w"o told me I was ea&tif&l and t"at I "ad a *oice to die for eca&se s"e lo*ed me so m&c") not eca&se it was tr&e# And I arri*e "ere on eart" and IDm so filled wit" "er lo*e and "er elief in me t"at I wal$  aro&nd li$e IDm ea&tif&l and I sin li$e I "a*e a *oice to die for# And eca&se IDm so #onvin#ed and so strane and so deluded ) people !retend   to listen to me # # # eca&se t"eyDre ein polite or somet"in L or maye t"eyDre afraid of me# And at first I donDt notice eca&se I sin wit" my eyes closed# %&t t"en one day I open my eyes and I find o&t IDm li*in in t"is world w"ere noody sees me and noody "ears me# IDm 2&st loo$inD for t"at one &y w"oDs onna "ear me) see me # # # really ta$e a c"ance# I mean) I "ear them# IDm listenin so "ard I "ear promises w"en someodyDs 2&st sayinD "ello# Jes&s) if anyody e*er "eard w"at ID*e ot loc$ed &p inside of me # # # IDd e a star #

14ME %A1= (ITT(E S+E%A) y 3illiam Ine# (ola# I t"in$ itDs ood for a man to e o&tside and et a lot of exercise# =eeps "im stron and "ealt"y# My "&sand) "eDs a doctor) a #hiro practorO "e "as to stay inside "is office all day lon# T"e only exercise "e ets is r&inD peopleDs ac$ones# It ma$es "is "ands stron# +eDs ot t"e stronest "ands yo& e*er did see# %&t "eDs ot poor diestion# I $eep tellinD "e o&"ta et some fres" air once in a w"ile and some exercise# /o& $now w"at? My "&sandDs in Alco"olics Anonymo&s# +e doesnDt care if I tell yo& t"at ca&se "eDs pro&d of it# +e "asnDt to&c"ed a drop in almost a year# All t"at time weD*e "ad a ;&art of w"is$ey in t"e pantry for company) and "e "asnDt e*en one near it# 6oesnDt e*en want to# /o& $now) alco"olics canDt drin$ li$e ordinary peopleO t"eyDre alleric to it# It affects t"em different# T"ey et started drin$in and canDt stop# (i;&or  transforms t"em# Sometimes t"ey et mean and *iolent and want a fi"t L &t if t"ey let li;&or alone) t"eyDre perfectly all ri"t) 2&st li$e yo& and me# /o& s"o&ld "a*e seen t"e 6oc efore "e a*e it &p# +e lost all "is patients) wo&ldnDt e*en o to t"e officeO 2&st wanted to stay dr&n$ all day lon and "eDd come "ome at ni"t and # # # /o& 2&st wo&ldnDt elie*e it if yo& saw "im now# +eDs ot "is patients all ac$# And "eDs 2&st doin fine # # # /o& donDt e*er drin$) do yo&?

9B

M4
9H