Date

EXT.

COPENHAGEN, TIVOLI GARDENS - NIGHT.

The TIVOLI sign goes from illuminated to dark as various lights in the park also shut off. We can hear clicking and stuttered speech coming from Jerald as he reads aloud what he is typing. JERALD (V.O.) Hello my name is Jerald and I'm in need of a date. I'm an American with a reservation at Noma and I find myself with nobody to take and no prospects to ask. EXT. COPENHAGEN, THE ROYAL LIBRARY – NIGHT The large, modern building is being locked up, the final pairs of people walking out. JERALD (V.O.) It's a nice place. It actually just won another award for nicest restaurant in the world, again. It takes six months to get into the place. I made my reservation a year ago and I only just realized that I forgot to cancel it. EXT. COPENHAGEN, A FERRY STOP - NIGHT A large Ferry opens up at a docking station, a few weary passengers step on. It is clear that this is the end of their very long day. JERALD (V.O.) I don't have any expectations. I'm not trying to get anything by taking a girl some place nice. I just don't want to look like an idiot by being the only person there eating alone. The only thing I ask is that you be looking for a good time and speak English because my Danish is awful. EXT – COPENHAGEN, A MAJOR STREET – NIGHT The street is dark, there are few buses and cars, a few pedestarians and natives on bikes, but the city is asleep. The only places left holding any warmth here are the bars

and pubs still open. of them.

Music and light and laughter spill out

JERALD (V.O.) So if you're free the 17th just let me know. I look forward to meeting you. I promise, I'm not a creep, I am a decent guy, I won't accept any offer to help pay for the meal or anything else and if you don't like me you never have to see me again so there's nothing to lose.

INT. - A MODEST APARTMENT – NIGHT Jerald is sitting as his keyboard. He is a boy-next-doortype in his late twenties/early thirties wearing a T-shirt and pajama pants. He is agonizing over posting the message he just composed during the introduction and voice over. JERALD Oh god. Press it. Press it. Just press it. Push the button. Come on. It doesn't matter if they think you're as pathetic as you are. They're internet women. They can't hurt you like the real kind. Just. Press. It. (He presses the key). Fantastic. EXT. COPENHAGEN – OUTSIDE NOMA – NIGHT It's the 17th. Jerald is cleaned up, wearing a sports jacket and a nice pair of jeans with a button up shirt. He paces a moment before he sees KATRINE. She is beautiful, in a beautiful but simple dress. She is also late twenties/early thirties. Her steps are carefree and elegant like a dancers. JERALD Hi. KATRINE Hej! JERALD Is this—are you-KATRINE

Yes. Hello. Hi. (She evades a handshake offer from Jerald and instead gives him a quick hug. JERALD I just wanted to thank you for doing this.

Oh, no. exciting.

KATRINE No, thank you. This is very

JERALD Yeah, it kinda is, huh? great.

You look

KATRINE Oh, thank you. I hope it is not too informal. I didn't know what to wear and when you said to be “more casual” I thought that this would be good. And you are wearing a nice jacket which makes me think that I am, gdo you say it “not-dressed?” And I'm rambling. JERALD Underdressed. KATRINE Underdressed!

And no.

JERALD You look great.

Really.

KATRINE Thank you. JERALD (Jerald motions to the door) They should be ready in just a second, is what they said. KATRINE One! JERALD What? KATRINE

I counted to one. One second. And they do not seem to be ready. Are you lying to me? JERALD I, uh, it's a figure of speech. KATRINE I know, I am joking. You are being far too serious. You are very staunch. Conservative. JERALD Sorry. KATRINE No.

No. JERALD

No-no? KATRINE No, sorry not accepted. You can keep saying sorry but it's not going to be accepted so you should just stop right now. There will be apologizing or being stiff or anything like that. JERALD Well then. You just say what you're thinking, don't you? KATRINE Yep! And we will be having fun and you will stop being so stiff.(She grabs him by the shoulders and playfully shakes him). Very good, now let us begin a night of fun and companionship and intrigue. JERALD Well this is where I would apologize for getting off to a conservative start. But since that's off the table. KATRINE Uh-huh. JERALD

I guess I just have to start over if I want to be a gentleman. So, hello, it's very nice to meet you. (Jerald offers a hand, she shakes it, but then does a little bow/curtsey). KATRINE I'm not looking for a gentleman. I'm just looking for a good time. And it's nice to meet you. I'm Katrine. JERALD Jerald. KATRINE Jerald. Jerald. Such a hard R. are American, right?

I am.

You

JERALD Sorry for our foreign policy.

KATRINE You're almost forgiven. So you're very odd, an American, here in Denmark. JERALD Of all the reasons I've been called odd that's a new one on me. KATRINE Yes? Well, it's very farm from where you are from. Do you live here? JERALD I do. KATRINE And that is very interesting! Why did you move here? JERALD It was a whole thing. A girl and a job and all that.

A girl?

KATRINE You moved here for a girl?

JERALD And a job and...all that.

KATRINE What happened to her? Oh my god, is she dead?

Ahh?

JERALD No, she's not dead.

KATRINE Oh my god, you broke up! That's why you have the reservation. You made it for her. Oh that is so sweet. You must have really fucked up. JERALD Excuse me? KATRINE You must have really fucked up to lose a girl so bad she wouldn't come here with you. Did you cheat on her? JERALD No! KATRINE Did you take her for granted. JERALD Not really. KATRINE Did you hit her? JERALD Sometimes, during sex, but she liked that. KATRINE This is not the time for jokes, Jerry! JERALD Jerald. KATRINE This not the time for jokes, Jerald! What happened? JERALD

Nothing happened. It was great, and then it wasn't and I wasn't right for her. KATRINE You weren't right for her? that mean?

What does

JERALD I'm still trying to figure that out myself. KATRINE Was she right for you? JERALD I think so.

Wow.

KATRINE That really blows.

JERALD It does, yeah. Listen, I think this may have been a mistake. KATRINE Oh.

Yeah.

JERALD It's nothing personal, I just-KATRINE

No, no, I get it.

I do.

I'm sorry.

JERALD No apologies, right? KATRINE Right.

So.

JERALD So I guess have a nice night and all the rest. KATRINE Yeah. Thanks. (She walks away a few steps, Jerald watching her go, before she turns and walks back) No. No, no,

no. JERALD I. KATRINE No, you are done. Do you see my hair? It's very nice hair and you know why it's very nice? JERALD It is very. KATRINE Shut up! It's nice because I got it done today. You see this dress? It's a beautiful dress. I did not own this dress two weeks ago. I double shaved my legs for this. I did my nails. I was going to do my nail anyway but it still counts. JERALD Sure. KATRINE Were you using a line when you said you had to pay for the dinner anyway? JERALD So I can talk now? KATRINE Briefly.

No.

JERALD I have to do that. KATRINE

So unless unless you think the cost of dinner here is larger than a dress and getting your hair done, you owe it to me on the price alone. JERALD It probably does. KATRINE

Really? JEARLD Yeah. KATRINE For one dinner? JERALD Dinner and wine, yeah. I have to estimate the cost of the dress, but I'm pretty sure. KATRINE Are you Rich? JERALD No.

Not at all.

KATRINE Damn. You would be more attractive if you were. JERALD I knew it! You are the first woman to say it out loud but I always knew it! KATRINE I wasn't serious. JERALD Oh. KATRINE So you've reconsidered? JERALD You make a good case. KATRINE Tak. JERALD You're welcome. KATRINE You do know that I am only attempting to use you for a free meal and am probably going to throw wine in your face.

JERALD Standard date, then. KATRINE Keep your eyes on the prize, Jerald! Pretty girl, came back to ask for the dinner and everything. Dig deep. Believe in yourself. First date since you two broke up? JERALD You can tell? KATRINE Shake it off! (She shimmies, his eyes follow her bust). You can do this. JERALD You are really weird even for a Scandinavian. KATRINE I know, they tell me all the time. don't know why.

I

JERALD Are you drunk? KATRINE No, but if I am this fun sober can you imagine? Come on, I want to go inside.

INT., NOMA CAFE - NIGHT The interior is surprisingly normal for a posh eatery, much less the three time award winner. Jerald and Katrine are sitting at a table, wine already poured, the bottle of red left on the table. JERALD Good. You know, I've really been looking forward to this as much as I've been dreading it. It's supposed to be something else. KATRINE Oh? I confess that hearing that this place was here, it really surprised me.

JERALD Surprised you? KATRINE It's a big world. It's very weird to have the best of anything in the world right where you live. And then, you would think the best restaurant in the world would be in France or Asia some place. JERALD But not America? KATRINE No.(KATRINE laughs and then, catching Jerald's look, composes herself) I didn't mean any offense. I have been to The States. I am sure there is lovely food, very good places, but the idea that they would have such an experience? No, it does not seem likely. JERALD Why is that? KATRINE Well, it just seems that it's not what's important. That it's not what the culture is about. JERALD And what is the culture about? KATRINE Something more instant. Something more efficient. That's not the right word. Something about getting value, getting a deal. JERALD What's wrong with wanting value? KATRINE Everything has a value. It all depends on what you want from it. Spending less on something and getting more-that's not

always a deal, though. JERALD No? KATRINE No. (She looks down to her necklace and plays with a finger around the edge of it before resuming the conversation). I have no idea how much this necklace cost, originally. I don't even know if it's all the parts that were there when it was made. How many times it's been repaired. But, this necklace, it's been in my family for a very long time and it is very special. I have no idea if that was the intention, but I'm sure it wasn't cheap. JERALD You can't compare a necklace to a meal. KATRINE No. But, do you think you can remember any fast food you've had, any particular instance of it, from last year? From any year of your life? Even the the first time if it wasn't something you intended to do? JERALD No, nothing is coming to me. KATRINE But you will remember this for the rest of your life. Isn't that why you came here? Isn't that why everyone does? To eat here and always remember this one dish, this one night. Just the way it was. JERALD I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. KATRINE No? JERALD

No. I just made a reservation and kept it. It never occurred to me that I'd try and hold on to what happened here for any extended period of time. Is that why you're here.

Yes.

No.

KATRINE You're really not? JERALD I'm really not.

KATRINE I don't understand it at all. This is the best resturaunt in the world. JERALD Highest-ranked. KATRINE I'm sorry? JERALD Highest-ranked, not the best. KATRINE What is the difference? JERALD The difference is that in order to know the best resturant in the world you'd have to know all of them, you'd have to be able to come up with a way to classify them and decide what is the best thing in the world. And you'd have to come up with the criteria that everyone who could rank these things could agree with. Now, I'm pretty sure, there is never going to be a Mexican Best Resturant in the world. It's not artful, or pretty, and it doesn't involve the same kind of things that these places always get. KATRINE These places?

The best.

JERALD They're always French or

French inspired or Scandinavian. Always. And there is a very traditional, continental European feel about them. So. Someone, somewhere, said we're going to make these categories the ones we judge a resturant by. We're going to judge them on the way the first course sits in the middle of the plate and is small. We're going to rank how well the sorbet cleanses the pallet. We're going to judge them on the way that they do things that are entirely and totally traditional. KATRINE So jaded. I thought you said you didn't know anything about these kinds of places. JERALD I looked some things up.

Why?

KATRINE If you don't care?

JERALD I wanted to see why they had. KATRINE And? JERALD Well. It's because they serve a lot of food that tastes good. KATRINE May I say something without you taking too much offense? JERALD Sure.

I mean it.

KATRINE I don't want to be rude. JERALD

Sure, really. KATRINE

I'm not having a very nice time. JERALD I'm sorry? KATRINE I'm not having a very nice time, with you. JERALD I don't know what to say. KATRINE No, I don't imagine you would. But I want to be clear. When I agreed to meet you, to come here, I had an idea in my head on how it might go. I considered that you might be miserable. JERALD Okay. KATRINE But I did not think you would be so—I am having trouble thinking of the word—  aggressive? Dark-like? This may mean nothing to you, but I do not get asked out a lot anyone, especially by someone who didn't know me. And I have certainly never been asked out by anyone to a very nice place that I had to buy a dress for. So I would like to have what I said. I'd like to remember tonight. JERALD I'm sorry. KATRINE No, not at all, I am simply telling you what I want and you haven't been awful or wretched or worse in any way. But I very much want to ask something of you. JERALD What is it? KATRINE Before the appetizer arrives. I want you to tell me what exactly is bothering

you. What is this burden that you are carrying for tonight, so that if we get it off your chest, you could have the most amazing night eating something unique. JERALD You want me to just... KATRINE Confess. Blab. Cry, if you need to, they have so many napkins here. Look at how many there are, and that's just here on the table. Imagine how many more they have in back. You could bawl like a baby and we couldn't run out of napkins if we tried to do it together. JERALD You're really attempting to provoke me, aren't you? KATRINE You seem like an alright guy and you deserve to enjoy tonight. JERALD So. KATRINE So.

I can't. her.

JERALD I can't stop thinking about

KATRINE Since we came in? Today?

Ever.

JERALD I've lost 10 pounds.

KATRINE I don't really know what pounds are but congratulations! JERALD Because I can't eat.

KATRINE Then, no congratulations. JERALD You're not supposed to talk about your ex. KATRINE Tell me anyway. Why can't you stop thinking about her? JERALD Because there was never anyone like her and there won't be again and I'm sure someone, eventually, will be in need of my particular personality and wit and charm, however minimal, and that they'll like me and we'll start over again. And I'll be lonely enough to accept them and embrace them and we'll have something and it will be something special because, why else would you put up with me? Why else would anyone put up with anyone else at all. And it will be great but it won't be her and she's the only thing I can think of sometimes and even now, even just talking to you about how it makes me feel I get angry at the memory of her in a way I never did at her. (Jerald takes a sip of water and waits, but KATRINE says nothing, so he puts the glass back down and looks her over. After she says nothing he continues). I came her for her. We both lied about it, but it was why. I road the train to a class two nights a week, every week, to learn Danish. I never did. I still can't say hardly a word without someone asking me to say it in English and stop wasting their time. I learned how to convert dollars into Kroner and temperature and measurements. I learned how to cook with centigrade, after a great deal of failed attempts. I learned how to acquire month long passes to save money and how to adjust to stores being open like banks and a city filled with people who never smile until

you make the first move. And she just left me all the same. (Jerald fidgits, but after KATRINE says nothing he continues) And she didn't leave me because I yelled or screamed or cheated or I had a dark secret. She just left because she didn't think she was as happy with me as she could be with someone else. And after I pleaded with her to tell me who he was she actually laid it on during the first real conversation we had in months. That it wasn't anyone at all. That she had never cheated and never wanted to and didn't even have any love left in her heart now. She broke down crying. She said over and over again how sorry she was and offered to help me get back to America. (Jerald takes a deep breath, but after KATRINE says nothing, he continues). So that's that. I'm here, I'm too stubborn to go home and I don't have anything to live for if I did. And I can't stop thinking about a woman who did nothing wrong to me at all but figure out she could do better. And now, after spilling my guts, I'm just being starred at and the weird thing is this isn't even the worst date I've ever had. KATRINE Mine either. COURSE 1 – BERRIES AND SAUCE

INT, NOMA – NIGHT The first course is put between the couple. It's a bunch of tiny berries in a light sauce. The wine glasses are mostly drained and both Jerald and Katrine are staring at the miniature course. JERALD It's like the concept of food. It's more of an idea of what food could be. KATRINE

What is it? JERALD I have no idea what half the words the server said were. KATRINE I mean, there are two of them, so we just have one each, right? JERALD I'm going to confess that I am in over my head right now. I assumed that I'd know what do where I got here. Namely that I'd put food in my mouth and chew, but now there are tactics involved. Decision making. I feel like I should have learned something first. I don't even drink wine. KATRINE I don't drink it either. JERALD I thought all women drank wine. KATRINE All women have vaginas. That's about it. JERALD That's straightforward. KATRINE No. Saying that I want to talk to you about sex now is straightforward. JERALD (Gives her a blank stare and then takes a pull of wine). Yes. Yes it is. KATRINE Are you like this in bed? JERALD Like what? KATRINE Oh, you know, thoughtful.

Unsure.

Hesitant. I am wondering how much of you is your situtation and how much of it is who you just are.(KATRINE takes one of the two pieces and puts it on her plate). Did you ever wonder if you were better in bed she wouldn't have left you. JERALD Holy shit. KATRINE Uncomfortable? I feel like since we've begun the meal you won't leave. JERALD And therefore you will torture me. KATRINE No. Not quite. You have made me comfortable, and I have decided that you are probably not a creep and you didn't come here with an alternative motives. JERALD Ulterior. KATRINE Ulterior motives. And I have also decided that you seem like a nice guy, if not my type. So I want to learn more about you. So. How are you in bed? JERALD Is there an objective measure? KATRINE Yes. JERALD Of course there is. KATRINE Just think about the number of times you have had sex and a woman wanted you to stay and have sex again. JERALD (after considering for a moment) 3.

KATRINE Women. JERALD Yeah. KATRINE Out of? JERALD I am not saying that. KATRINE Why not? JERALD Well how many men have you been with? KATRINE Thirty-eight. JERALD Wow. You just—you just threw that right out there. You looked at the number and thought it wasn't too high at all to say. KATRINE Should I be ashamed. JERALD I'm not sure that you should be proud. KATRINE So I should be ashamed. JERALD No, I didn't say that. KATRINE No, you're implying it. And I don't know why. It's not like it's a bad thing. Come on, tell me your number. JERALD I don't really-KATRINE

Come on, it well fell better if you let it out. JERALD It's just that I don't think that it's the kind of thing-KATRINE I'll answer any question that you have if you just tell me-JERALD Eight.

Total.

KATRINE That. Is not as high as I would have expected. JERALD (signals that he would like more wine by raising the glass, and then his eyebrows at an off screen server, nodding when his gaze is met) And now it's shockingly bad. KATRINE No. JERALD No? KATRINE Three out of eight. That's very good. That's a very good number. (And she takes the first pull of her wine). JERALD I mean, forty guys. KATRINE Thrity-eight. JERALD Thirty-eight guys. I just-KATRINE What do you want to know?

JERALD It just doesn't seem like there were a lot of relationships in there, then. Not a lot of long ones. KATRINE So you are asking. JERALD What was your longest relationship?

INT. A HOTEL ROOM – DAY Katrine is sitting on the edge of a bed. It's a nice, upper crust room. She looks largely the same, but her hair is another color. A man walks over to her. He is very handsome, a hunk. He kisses her on the cheek, they embrace, and then he leaves. She has a dreamy smile on her face, totally in love. INT, NOMA - NIGHT

Four years.

KATRINE Nearly. JERALD

What happened? KATRINE He was... INT, AN APARTMENT IN DENMARK – DAY Katrine keeps her head bowed while the man towers over her. Although there is no sound besides the background of the date, we can tell she is being yelled at, berated. The man storms off and the screen shakes, implying a door slamming. Katrine puts her head in her hands and starts crying. INT, NOMA – NIGHT KATRINE The same thing that always happens. It starts off better than it ends. He was strong willed and I liked that very much about him, but it was clear that I wouldn't be an equal. When we fought he acted like it was bigger than it was. I

didn't mind it so much, but the further we got along the more I realized that's just who he was with everyone. JERALD So who ended it. KATRINE I did. JERALD How? KATRINE Well.. INT, KATRINE'S APARTMENT – DAY Katrine is one the phone. Her body language is standoffish. She attempts to look calm but there is an anger stirring in her. She is smoking and speaking in Danish. KATRINE (In Danish with subtitles) You are the one who said that we should see other people. Do you know what that means? That means that we should break up, that's all a woman hears, you idiot. (Puff)No, I don't care. And I don't know why you're mad. You haven't been happy, and I haven't been happy, so I did it. (Puff, Puff)What does it matter? You and I were over. (Puff, puff, puff)Yes, two different men. So what? It doesn't concern you anymore.(Puff)Oh, so it would have been better if I hadn't fucked them at the same time? JERALD (He has a terrorized expression)You used to smoke? COURSE TWO – BARLEY AND WHEY IN A BOWL (ALSO KNOWN  AS FANCY OATMEAL)

INT, NOMA – NIGHT The second course is on the table, the first removed. A bowl is placed in front of both of our lovebirds. Both wine

glasses are filled back up. KATRINE You look like you want to run for the door. JERALD Not yet. KATRINE Anything I can do to persuade you? JERALD To run for the door? KATRINE If that's what you'd like, but I'd rather not. JERALD No? KATRINE Well I don't want to get stuck with the bill. JERALD So what do you do? KATRINE Oh that is such a boring question. I mean, and everyone expects it. Are you really interested in the answer? JERALD No. KATRINE Good, because I don't find it interesting what you do either. And I feel that the window for small talk has passed. So tell me, what don't you like about Denmark? JERALD What do you mean? KATRINE Oh, you are so shy. Did you get bullied

every time you offered an opinion? There has to be things you don't like about living here. JERALD So you just want me to rant and rave about what I don't like? KATRINE Or answer calmly. JERALD It's a weird question. It's a loaded question. Whatever I say could offend you. KATRINE Oh please, you couldn't come up with an answer that I haven't said this year. JERALD Well what don't you like about America. KATRINE Stop dodging the questions just because they make you uncomfortable and you already know the answers. JERALD I don't know your answers. KATRINE (Puts down her spoon)The reason why I asked if you were bad in bed is because of how you act. You never lead. That makes me think that you are a bad dancer. And the reason why I think you are a bad dancer is you are not acting like a man. You are closed off. You shut down. You think someone is trying to see in and I have a feeling that if they did, nobody would be disappointed in you than you. Which you probably know, we all figure that out some time around college, but it seems you never got around to applying the lesson. I am a total stranger. You have no intention of seeing me again. I do not know your last name and I couldn't harm you with

anything you say if I wanted to. JERALD It's the happiest city in the world and nobody smiles. It's like a nightmare walking down the street in broad daylight. People look dead ahead and drift like zombies and the moment you say hello to them their eyes light up and smile. It's hideous. You have an entire culture dedicated to not smiling or showing happiness. You think you're so enlightened and so much better than Americans at every turn. You have a Royal Family. You literally pay a queen to sit around and take your money like it's still medieval times. And speaking of antiquated social relics, you have a State Church. Not only should those two words never go together referencing anything after the year 1800, but while you complain about taxes every day, you still pay that albatross out of some kind of function. And what does the church do with your money? It mandates that if you have a kid, that you clear their name with the Church first. And I don't mean a flyby, either. The Church gets final say in what you get to name your child. You consider yourself on the forefront of humanitaritan rights and balk at US gun ownership but have more firearms sales per capita than any of your neighbors. You have a Draconian immigration policy-KATRINE Draconian?

Tyrannical.

JERALD That keeps out everyone but

ardent criminals and the insanely devoted. Even though you rolled out the red carpet for the Nazis and did nothing to stop the Soviet Union, you criticize US international policy every time you see Red, White and Blue. And yet, every time we send planes or troops into an operation, you're right there with us. You have this fucked up cult of nonpersonality where every single individual is meant to feel shame for exhibiting pride, but collectively? You're still swooning over the fact that a Dane was in Lord of the Rings and every time something Danish is culturally popular, you flock to it. You'll just go and see any movie that has anything Danish in it, just because it does. And I miss Autumn. KATRINE Who is Autumn? JERALD Autumn. Fall. The season. I miss it. Here it just goes from slightly warmer with no snow to winter. KATRINE Feel better? JERALD Yeah. Except I think I just paid twenty dollars for a bowl of oatmeal. KATRINE Well. You have immigrated here and you're not a criminal. So that does make you insane enough to do it.` JERALD How do you know I'm not a criminal? skipped over the so-what-do-you-do portion of the evening.

We

Oh.

KATRINE It's an evening now?

JERALD Well you don't look like you want to run for the door. “Course 3 – Little Muscles.”

INT, NOMA – NIGHT A course of little muscles that are difficult to open. wine is being steadily drained by both parties. KATRINE I want to talk about her. JERALD I want to talk about him. KATRINE There's not much to talk about with him. JERALD Then you should go first. KATRINE Alright. JERALD Alright. KATRINE Alright.

Why him?

JERALD What was it about him?

KATRINE That made me love him? JERALD Well, was he the only man you loved. KATRINE I don't know. JERALD

The

Well then, what was it about him that made you try? KATRINE He was good looking. He was very direct, and I liked that. I just took him home one night and figured he'd be gone in the morning. But when I told him I had a busy day he said sure, so just give me your number and I'll call you when you're not. And I thought it was a great way for him to leave without it being too embarrassing and that he'd never call. JERALD But he must have. KATRINE He did. Late at night, on the weekend. I could tell he had been drinking. I didn't care. JERALD Why not? KATRINE Because he was very good looking. INT, AN APARTMENT IN COPENHAGEN – NIGHT Katrine's apartment is hardly seen beyond the entrance space. The door knocks and she lets her now ex, then beau, in. If he's been drinking we see no evidence of it in his movements. But she is very different around him than she is around Jerald. She is girlish, shy, trying to coax him into the living room. He shakes his head and she laughs and points again, this time exposing her back to him. He grabs her by the arm and pulls her back to him. They kiss, long and slow, before he pushes her gently against the wall in the hall way. We see her face shake, her mouth make out the word no, as he undoes her pants and pulls them down. The nos come slower as he pushes behind her, kissing her neck and dropping her arm. She grabs on to the wall and braces against it while being fucked from behind. Eventually bowing her head and smiling, enthralled and moving at the rhythm. INT, NOMA – NIGHT

Katrine has a more intimate glow about her, Jerald a more respectful and appreciative aura. KATRINE And he seemed so sure of himself that it didn't matter what I said, or disagreed. He was just right and knew it. JERALD Did you doubt yourself with him? KATRINE No. Not like that. Just that if he said it, it had to be right in some way. He'd say things like “We're going out.” Or text me something like “Have a dress ready for tonight.” JERALD That's very direct. Are you translating it more roughly to make him sound this way or is that how he really was? KATRINE I'm not translating. We spoke English together. He was an American. JERALD Oh. KATRINE Oh? JERALD Oh. KATRINE I didn't want anything serious, I looking. I was working in Sweden short term, I figured we'd date a and when I came back here he'd be So I told him as much and he said wasn't an issue, he'd see me when back JERALD But?

wasn't on bit done. it he got

KATRINE When my job sent me back here, they sent me to Aarhas. Do you know it? JERALD Yeah, I haven't been, but it's the college kid town. KATRINE That's Northwest. JERALD Yeah, Northwest of here. KATRINE Right, Northwest, right. And I didn't know anyone. And I missed him. JERALD So you called him? KATRINE No.

I just--

INT, AN APARTMENT IN DENMARK – NIGHT Katrine is looking at her Social Network feed and listening to sappy, lonely music. It's filled with nothing but couples, stills of dates, babies, baby bumps, children and weddings. She clicks to get away from them but more images of elegant parties, women leaning against men smiling. She closes her laptop in a huff. After a moment she composes herself and opens it back up to look at her ex's page and after draining a glass of wine reaches for her phone. INT, NOMA – NIGHT KATRINE --I just let him know that I had a great time with him. JERALD Telepathically? KATRINE No. JERALD On Skype?

KATRINE Not quite. JERALD With a phhhhhhhhhh KATRINE That's very charming. JERALD hhhhhhhhoooooooooo

How old are you?

KATRINE How old are you? JERALD

oooooooooooonnnnnn KATRINE I'm starting to see how someone could break up with you and never call you again.

nnnnnneeeee.

JERALD Low blow.

KATRINE It got you to stop. JERALD I was getting there by myself.

Yes.

Oh!

KATRINE Just like after this date. JERALD New signs of life. You called him. KATRINE

I called him. JERALD So what happened next? KATRINE We saw each other for a few weekends. It was nice. I looked forward to seeing him all week if we had plans. And then

it was amazing when we did. I got transferred back here. He asked if he should put in for a transfer, too. JERALD Wow. KATRINE Yeah. JERALD And you said? INT, AN APARTMENT IN DENMARK – DAY Katrine looks girlish compared to how she seems on the date. Carefree and light in a simple skirt and top, like all the pressure she feels now is gone. Her eyes and wide and shining. He mouth is opening and a hand rushes to cover it as she looks up to her ex. The camera moves from an over the shoulder position to what she's looking at. It's an engagement ring slid around a keyring with his apartment keys on them. INT, NOMA – NIGHT KATRINE Yes. JERALD And he got it. KATRINE He did. JERALD So what happened? KATRINE The same thing that always happens. JERALD It starts better than it ends? KATRINE Yes. JERALD When did you know?

KATRINE That it was over? JERALD Yeah. KATRINE When we kept having the same fights about money and friends and respect and sex and trust and the future and dishes and music over and over again. JERALD That sounds horrible.

It wasn't so bad.

KATRINE It just wasn't right.

JERALD It wasn't your fault. KATRINE You don't know that. JERALD I'm sorry. KATRINE No apologies! It's alright. to go to the restroom.

I'm going

JERALD Hey. KATRINE Yes? JERALD How bad is your taste in music? KATRINE Excuse me? I have the very best taste in music. We wouldn't fight over it.

Why not? else.

JERALD We've fought over everything

KATRINE We haven't fought over a single thing yet. JERALD Favorite artist. KATRINE Rhianna. JERALD That's—an abomination. KATRINE Yes? JERALD I mean, I don't even know if I'll be here when you're back. KATRINE Oh now you'll go? JERALD I just can't see you in the same way. The hotness just vanished. KATRINE You think I'm hot? JERALD You know you're hot. KATRINE I do not know that! JERALD Yeah? It just hasn't occurred to you yet? You thought all the world's reflective surfaces and men doing double takes were engaged in some kind of amazing conspiracy to make you think you were attractive but it was all just too good to be true? KATRINE It's not the kind of thing you just say yes to.

JERALD This? This is why I love Scandinavians. You'll outright ask me to tell you how many women I've fucked, who I'm voting for and how much money I make and balk at me when I won't answer but the moment you get a compliment you act like you're on fire. KATRINE Thank you. JERALD No, it's my pleasure. I always strive to make a woman feel as uncomfortable as they can in as many ways possible. KATRINE You're excellent at it. JERALD Lifetime of experience.

I can tell. easy.

KATRINE Only the pros make it look

JERALD I'm basically a god. KATRINE The sagas will tell of your exploits for many generations. JERALD They will. KATRINE The fact that the Royal Family—grr—  hasn't already given you a plot for the inevtible pilgrimages is a travesty. JERALD If I say you win this one can we stop. KATRINE I could keep going. It's fun. JERALD

I could compliment you for the next eight courses. KATRINE I can be good. JERALD Prove it. KATRINE Okay. (She smiles at him). JERALD Okay. (He smiles at her in return). KATRINE Bathroom. JERALD Right. “COURSE 4 – TEENY” TINY. ITTY BITTY. STEAKS.”

LITTLE

INT, NOMA – NIGHT Two petite steaks have been put out for course four. The first wine bottle seems to have magically vanished and the cups are refilled. KATRINE Hi. (Sitting back down)

Hi.

JERALD Welcome back.

Thank you.

KATRINE I want to hear about her.

JERALD You're welcome and what is there to say? KATRINE What? JERALD What could possibly be confusing at this point?

KATRINE I don't understand what you're talking about. JERALD While you were gone I realized that I messed this whole thing up. KATRINE Very good. JERALD I thought you would politely disagree. KATRINE I didn't. JERALD No. So, I mean, where's the confusion? This is me. And the effect it's had on you is very similar to what other women experience. And that's what happened. KATRINE I didn't ask what happened. JERALD No. KATRINE I asked about her. I want to know about the two of you together. JERALD Any particular questions? KATRINE Would you rather be on a date with her? JERALD That's loaded. Wouldn't you rather be on a date with anyone other than me right now? KATRINE I came back to my seat and everything, have a little self respect and stop dodging. Just answer.

JERALD No. KATRINE Nobody in the world? JERALD No two women in the world naked and strapped together. KATRINE Kinky. JERALD Yeah well. KATRINE Do you mean it? JERALD Well it would be a very odd dinner if there were two of them strapped together anyway, so. KATRINE You really can't think of anyone other than her you'd like to be with, right now, today? JERALD No one. KATRINE So you're really not on a date with me. JERALD Yeah, you made that clear before we even came in.

Good her. it's her.

KATRINE one. I mean you are still with What you say and feel and think all not really said to me. It's to In a way. JERALD

In a way. KATRINE

So, if you can't stop thinking about her, and you want to be with her most of all, why aren't you? JERALD Because we broke up. KATRINE And how many times have you called her since. JERALD Since when. KATRINE Since you broke up. JERALD I haven't. KATRINE You're an idiot. JERALD I know. KATRINE But you're especially stupid over this. JERALD It's nice to be a special kind of anything. KATRINE And you just sit around elonging for her instead of doing something. JERALD Longing. KATRINE What? JERALD When you want to be with someone you long for them, you're in longing. To elongate is to make longer or larger. KATRINE

You know what? I am getting very sick and tired of you correcting my second language. I speak English very well. JERALD Top of a very elongated class, I'm sure. KATRINE (In Danish with subtitles)Oh so we are going to play it like that, huh? JERALD That was a little quick for me. KATRINE (In Danish with subtitles)Actually that was very slow. This is only about 85% of the rate that I typically speak, you just don't speak Danish very well. JERALD Okay, you've made your point. KATRINE (In Danish with subtitles) So this is how easy it is to make you feel like the idiot you're trying to make me feel like. And I can do it, too. We can all do it. JERALD Did you just call me an idiot? KATRINE (In Danish with subtitles)Here are some other words you've probably been called: Fucker. Fuckwad. Piece of Shit. Arrogant. Trash. Annoying. SelfPitying. Self-Righteous. Bastard. Bitch. And a little boy who gets girl mad. JERALD Yes.

Yes?

KATRINE You understood that? JERALD

The nouns and adjectives, mostly. KATRINE Oh? JERALD Yeah, I've been called most of them before, so. KATRINE I said it in a nice tone. JERALD Very dulcet. KATRINE You don't mean that. JERALD The content takes away from it, a little. KATRINE Just a little? JERALD Just a little. KATRINE You can't tell right now but I'm actually embarrassed. JERALD I can't, you're right. KATRINE I'm also impressed. JERALD At your ability to come up with so many insults so quickly? KATRINE At your maturity upon hearing them. JERALD Thank you. Listen, it's largely my fault and honestly before I came here I was dreading the worst. And now it's

happened. fear.

So we can continue on without

KATRINE What about starting over? JERALD Seems a bit much. I mean I've already traded in countries. KATRINE The dinner. JERALD It's not expensive enough already? KATRINE The date. JERALD Do you think they'd hold the table if we went outside? And do you promise not to judge me for drinking before showing up? KATRINE I've been drinking, too. JERALD A woman showing up two glasses of wine deep isn't exactly something we frown upon, generally. KATRINE You use a lot of adverbs. JERALD Yeah, well, I still only know those in English. KATRINE You're not insulted with auxillaries in Danish?

I don't know. I am.

JERALD I don't know them.

KATRINE You're giving me a hard time.

Maybe

JERALD I am. KATRINE Why? JERALD You still feel guilty, so I'm taking advantage of it. KATRINE I'd rather you not feel shy and me not feel guilty. JERALD Best way to do that? KATRINE Start over with me. JERALD Just right here, right now? KATRINE Yeah. JERALD Okay. Hi, you're prettier than I expected for a date off the internet. KATRINE Thank you, you seem much more emotionally open that I would have assumed, for a first date. JERALD Well, I've been drinking. KATRINE Me too! JERALD Cheers. (They clink wine glasses)So you do this type of thing often? KATRINE Fine dinning, internet dating or time traveling?

JERALD Fine dining. KATRINE No.

You?

JERALD No. I'm only asking because they seemed to have served us steaks. KATRINE Is there a problem with that? JERALD Well it doesn't seem like a first course kind of meal and since we've just started this date. KATRINE Okay. Alright. I get it. You're saying this isn't going to work. You're still mad. JERALD Not even girl mad. No, I was going to suggest another theory. KATRINE You were?

I was.

JERALD Want to hear? KATRINE

I would. JERALD I think that the waitstaff is intentionally leaving some courses off the menu. They just look for the suckers. They assume that if you speak with an American accent you can't count to twelve. KATRINE So what do they do with the food? JERALD

They bring it out? KATRINE No, not the food they bring out, the food that they aren't bringing out in this scam. JERALD Oh, right, that food. the black market.

They sell it on

KATRINE The fine dining black market. JERALD Yeah, yeah, right now they have a shed out back and they have this whole thing set up where, if you're in the dog house and didn't make a reservation, they charge you five times as much and bring the food to you and your date. KATRINE But it's a shed, they can't get away with charging that much. JERALD Well that's the brilliant part. They blindfold the woman. Pretend it's romantic. Dinner in the dark. KATRINE Bastards. JERALD Just look at them. They look shifty. KATRINE Especially ours. JERALD Especially ours. KATRINE He looks Swedish. JERALD He does!

KATRINE He looks super-duper, born on skis, last name Svensen, Swedish. JERALD Never trust Swedes. KATRINE You never trust the Swedes! JERALD This is all adding up. KATRINE We're breaking it wide open. JERALD Good working with you, recently introduced date. KATRINE Indeed, man I know nothing about.(They shake hands). Tell me why it fell apart. JERALD We were long distance for awhile and by the time we got together things were too...difficult in some ways. I wanted to hash it out and couples therapy and all that but she said just be friends and it'll be fine. When I asked if there was ever a chance that it would evolve beyond that again she said 'my heart says no.' KATRINE Her heart's a cunt. JERALD Wow. KATRINE And she doesn't sound like a prize, either. JERALD She was great.

KATRINE Why? JERALD She had---she always---she just was. KATRINE Do you think it's in any way telling that you can talk about anything and everything with a three syllable word except why she was good for you. JERALD I don't know if I've fully processed those feelings and you're not supposed to talk about an ex with someone you've just met. KATRINE No, that game is over. JERALD Is it?

Yes.

KATRINE We are onto the next one.

JERALD What game is that? KATRINE Well I was enjoying undercover conspiracy dinner cops. JERALD What do we need to start playing again? KATRINE (She holds up an empty wine glass, tilts her head provocatively and makes a cute noise). “COURSE 5 – DUCKS IN APPLESAUCE. PORKCHOPS.”

LIKE SUPER FANCY

INT, NOMA - NIGHT Two places of tender duck meat with a high quality sauce for dipping.

KATRINE Worst thing that ever happened to you sexually. JERALD What? KATRINE What's the worst thing that ever happened-JERALD I heard you. KATRINE Good, because if you dodged it again I'd start yelling.

Ugh. that?

JERALD You're a real cheap date, you know

KATRINE I'm not cheap on this date! JERALD It means the wine goes to your head quickly. KATRINE Oh.

We're eating. that.

JERALD You don't want to hear

KATRINE I do! JERALD It's disgusting. KATRINE Then I really do. JERALD A girl pissed in my mouth once.

KATRINE (She spits some wine back into her recently filled cup)On purpose! JERALD No. KATRINE I don't think that matters.

It doesn't. way.

JERALD It's equally bad either

KATRINE What happened? JERALD I was going down on her. We hadn't known each other very long. And she was this—squirter. I mean like a fountain. I mean like some kind of erupption. So, I had kind of gotten use to that. KATRINE Uh-huh. JERALD So anyway, I'm eating her out she starts whimpering. I mean moaning like a puppy at the kennel when it's the closest to the execution door. Just unholy noises. And I'm thinking to myself, yeah, yeah, you're really getting this. You're making her scream. KATRINE Oh yeah. JERALD So she starts doing that thing where you know a woman is going to cum. KATRINE What thing. JERALD Come on.

KATRINE More like pissed on. No, really what thing? JERALD Are you fucking with me? KATRINE No. What are you talking about? can you tell?

How

JERALD I honestly can't tell if you're fucking with me. KATRINE I'm not! JERALD Well, women, when you lick them and they get close they do this vibration and kind of...face fucking thing. KATRINE What? JERALD You have to know that you're doing this. KATRINE I don't have to know anything. JERALD Women, when they're close, they start just like, vibrating. (After KATRINE gives no indication that she has any idea what he's talking about, Jerald mimes it out with the table and his hands).Like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. KATRINE Really. JERALD Yeah. KATRINE They all do this?

JERALD Yeah. KATRINE Now I can't tell if you're fucking with me. JERALD I'm not. KATRINE You're saying that all three women you've been with-JERALD Eight. KATRINE That they've all come from getting head from you? JERALD Yeah. KATRINE Really. JERALD Yes. KATRINE Really. JERALD Really. KATRINE Really. JERALD I have no idea what answer you're looking for here. KATRINE What's your secret? JERALD There's not secret. You just..push your

face in and lick. Do some things with your hands. And then, you know. KATRINE Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom? JERALD More or less. KATRINE All of them? JERALD Yes. KATRINE So you're going down on this girl and she makes the motions. JERALD Right. So. I open my mouth up because I think she's going to cum, and I think she did, but she also just...flooded with me piss. KATRINE Now when you say flooded. JERALD I'm talking I swallowed the first bit, but the rest just went everywhere. I mean hair, eyes, chin, up my nose. KATRINE When did you realize it was piss? JERALD After the first gulp. KATRINE Oh god. JERALD Yep. KATRINE What did you do? JERALD

I uhh, well she was kind of shy, so I didn't want to freak her out. KATRINE You stayed in the piss? JERALD Come on. KATRINE You took it to the face? JERALD Yeah, and when she finished I offered to towel her down and all that and then I went to the bathroom and puked. KATRINE I can't stop laughing. JERALD That's not right. That's not cool. KATRINE What did she say after? JERALD After what? KATRINE After she realized. JERALD Oh, she never realized. KATRINE What? JERALD I changed the sheets, I washed up, I told her we couldn't kiss because I just got sick. She never knew. KATRINE Why? JERALD She didn't plan it. It would have freaked her out. It would have made her

think about it every time. punish her.

No reason to

KATRINE Wait a second wait a second wait a second. You're telling me that you can't manage to be polite for a simple dinner, but you'll take the secret of mouth piss to your grave? JERALD It was the right thing to do. KATRINE I am so confused. JERALD Is it really that hard to imagine that I'd try and spare a woman from knowing that happened?

Maybe not.

KATRINE So were you ever tempted. JERALD

To tell her? KATRINE Yes. JERALD Once. KATRINE During the break up! JERALD What? No? What the hell is wrong with you? No. Once I said I wanted to cum on her breasts and she said that was gross and could I imagine it happening in reverse. KATRINE (She snorts up a sip of wine). Why would you stay with her? JERALD She was nice.

KATRINE You have horrible taste in women. JERALD That's just rude. KATRINE Could you make me? JERALD You don't need any help being rude.

Cum.

KATRINE From giving me head.

Could you?

JERALD Yes. KATRINE You're not even going to pretend to be shy. JERALD I think we're pretty far past that point. KATRINE Why do you think so? JERALD Because after that story-KATRINE Why do you think you could make me orgasm? JERALD Because it would be easy. KATRINE Why? JERALD Because of your legs. KATRINE These old things? (does a quick flurish with her legs so he can see them).

JERALD It would be easy to hold them. get into it.

Easy to

KATRINE That's all it takes to make a woman cum? JERALD Being into it? Yeah. That's all it takes to do anything. KATRINE You believe that? JERALD Pretty much. KATRINE I haven't gotten a lot of head. JERALD Okay. KATRINE Why would that put you off. JERALD Because I'm not as drunk as you are. KATRINE The men I've been with don't seem to want to, or the make it feel like they're not into it when they're down there. JERALD I hear that's common. KATRINE But not with you? JERALD All the women I've slept with, I really liked. So, no. I didn't have to fake any enthuiasm. KATRINE That's good. Faking it is horrible.

JERALD I can imagine. KATRINE You can't. And I like that about you. I wouldn't change it. JERALD What would you change. KATRINE Well, you'd be more handsome. JERALD Well that's a given. KATRINE And you'd start off softer so that a woman could be more comfortable around you. JERALD Sure. KATRINE And you wouldn't be hung up on a woman that's not here because then you'd seem much more interested in being flirted with. JERALD Oh. What the hell changed this around from not getting anything to you being interested? Was it the pissing story? KATRINE Can I tell you a secret? JERALD Please. KATRINE You can't tell anyone. JERALD Scout's honor. KATRINE

Women love it when you say something bad about other women. JERALD All of them?

Every.

Last.

KATRINE One.

JERALD I thought you all just had vaginas. KATRINE Where do you think we feel it?

“COURSE 6 – Light Shell Fish in a wine sauce with a side of wine.”

INT, NOMA – NIGHT The couple has refreshed wine glasses with a main course of shell fish. KATRINE Are you having trouble. JERALD I'm not, I don't have much experience with shell fish. (He struggles to open his entree). KATRINE So between the wine and the shellfish. JERALD I'm screwed, yeah. I'm thinking about flagging the waiter down and asking him to bring a hammer. KATRINE They probably would. JERALD Why are you being nice? KATRINE It's not sporting to pick on a man who can't open his dinner.

JERALD And the real reason. KATRINE I'm having a nice time. JEARLD You are? KATRINE I am! This has been very nice, overall. It's what I asked for. A night I wouldn't forget. I think that's good. And you've made me laugh and forget some things. JERALD Have you been having a hard time? KATRINE I have. JEARLD I'm glad. KATRINE Me too. I am going to get another bottle of wine. JERALD I don't think that is--

It's my treat.

KATRINE Really, I want to.

JERALD A bad idea at all. KATRINE You're so easy. JERALD I don't hear that often. KATRINE You think you're so difficult and troubled. You know what? You're not, even a little. I know what a really

troubled person is like. little pussycat.

You're a

JERALD You really know how to woo a guy. KATRINE Shut up and struggle with opening up a shell. JERALD Yes ma'am.

Him? KATRINE

Yeah.

Jerald? JERALD

Yeah? KATRINE What were you going to do tonight? JERALD Probably watch some news shows from back home if I stayed up late enough for them to come on. Go to the gym. Drink beer. KATRINE I mean if she was here? JERALD What makes you think I was going to do anything. KATRINE Well, you're really not very comfortable with here, so I believe that you don't come to a place like this often. And that means it must have been a special occasion. And you made it really far in advance, further than you need for a reservation, so I think that means it's a special date, right? And then you have that outfit, and it's not new, but it's not warn. JERALD You can tell that?

KATRINE I can. JERALD Witchcraft.

I know, I know.

KATRINE So am I right? JERALD

You're right. KATRINE Tell me. JERALD We had this reservation a year ago. KATRINE So you came here? JEARLD We never made it. KATRINE What happened? JERALD We got into a fight. A bad one. KATRINE Over what? JERALD I don't remember. (Sees the look Katrine is giving him). It's the truth, I swear. I don't remember. It was a surprise. I saved up for two weeks, I told her wear something nice, she kept pressing about where we were going, but I wanted to reveal it once we were inside. And—I don't know, but it just happened. We were on the metro... EXT, COPENHAGEN – NIGHT Jerald and his ex are about to board the metro car when she turns around in a huff, and starts walking the other way. He follows her, a few

steps behind. KATRINE (V.O.) She didn't know. JERALD (V.O.) She had no clue. KATRINE (V.O.) What happened next? INT, AN APARTMENT IN COPENHAGEN - NIGHT Jerald and his ex are laying in bed together, still wearing the clothes they had on for the date (the same clothes Jerald is wearing tonight). She has her back turned to him but is smiling, they are close, touching. He is stroking up and down her side. They turn to kiss. JERALD (V.O.) We never fought long. And, I don't know, that night felt different. KATRINE (V.O.) How? JERALD (V.O.) Somewhere in the middle of giving up a dinner reservation and surprise because of a temper tantrum I realized that I never wanted to be with another woman again. INT, AN APARTMENT IN COPENHAGEN – DAY Jerald and his ex are naked, kissing in bed. He makes breakfast, they eat it at the table in the morning. They watch something on her laptop, close. He kisses her on the cheek. Leaves. EXT, A JEWELRY SHOP – DAY Jerald exits the shop with the tell-tale little ring box. INT, NOMA – NIGHT A new bottle of wine is on the table, both glasses

refilled. KATRINE Are you shitting me right now? JERALD Uhh. KATRINE So she gets into a fight with you over not knowing where she is going, makes you pay a small fortune for a dinner you don't have, and you go out and buy a ring and make a reservation a year in advance to propose? JERALD Well. KATRINE Defend your actions! JERALD I knew. Okay? I knew. I knew from the moment we got back that I didn't want to have such a stupid fight with anyone else ever again. KATRINE That doesn't make any sense. JERALD I don't think that it ever does. I mean, it's better that it doesn't. If it makes sense it's like some kind of business proposal.

Oh my god.

KATRINE You're a romantic. JERALD

What? KATRINE You fell in love with this girl and then you move countries and continents and languages and you still love her even after she does all this bullshit. That's romantic. That's horrible.

JERALD What is happening right now? KATRINE What I don't understand—what I don't understand is why. JERALD Why? KATRINE Yes Jerrrrald. Why. Did you hit her? Did she hit you? Did you cheat on one another? Did you set fire to her dog? JERALD No. KATRINE Then why in the world? JERALD I yelled. KATRINE You yelled? JERALD At her. KATRINE Did you threaten her? JERALD No. KATRINE Did you insult her? JEARLD Not really. KATRINE Then what could you have yelled at her about so that she dumped your ass? JERALD She just said she didn't like me when I was angry, and she didn't know when it

was coming and that it scared her, that she didn't deserve to live like that. And I don't blame her. KATRINE For the life of me I have no idea which of you two is stupider. JERALD I also compared her to her mom when drunk once. KATRINE Well then you are. Do you still have it? JERALD What? KATRINE The ring. JERALD Yeah. KATRINE I don't get it. I don't understand. Are you even trying to move past her. JERALD I don't know. KATRINE When she ended it with you. JERALD You keep assuming she broke up with me. KATRINE It's not much of one—when she ended it with you, did she call you a coward or an idiot or say you had a small cock? JERALD Not that I recall. KATRINE Then you do realize that at any time you could call her up and say,

“WHATSYOURBITCH, you know I still love you and want to be with you.” JERALD What have I done in the last ten minutes to offend you? KATRINE “I bought you a ring and everything. I only wanted to be with you, it doesn't matter if you treat me like shit.” JERALD That's enough. KATRINE “And it doesn't matter how bad it gets I'll be honorable and stay in it for you because that's just how my stupid heart works.” JERALD (Screaming, fist slamming the table) I said that's enough! (Composes himself) I'm going to the bathroom. I'll understand if you're not here when I get back. KATRINE Why wouldn't I be here. Hey. wouldn't I be here?

Hey.

Why

JERALD Because I—lost my temper. KATRINE That's it? That's the deep dark secret? That's what you're ashamed of and what happened? How often?

Once a month. therapy.

JERALD Less now.

I'm in

KATRINE This is what you're beating yourself up for? JERALD

Pretty much. KATRINE Look at me. JERALD Yeah. KATRINE You're a good guy. And you're going to go to the bathroom and there is only a very, very slight chance that I'm going to ditch you while you are. Okay?

“COURSE SEVEN – SQUAB (skinny bird) AND CRESS (a  weed).”

INT, NOMA – NIGHT Jerald returns from the bathroom, he looks nervous and shifty. Katrine is putting on airs as well, her posture stating that nothing happened. JERALD It really is a a beautiful necklace. KATRINE Thank you. JEARLD The whole thing. The necklace, your hair, the dress. The little thing on your ankle whatever the hell that's called. KATRINE I think they call it an anklet. JERALD What a stupid name. KATRINE It really is. JERALD I know I can't apologize, but. KATRINE

Why can't you apologize? JERALD You forbid it. KATRINE I did? JERALD You don't remember? KATRINE I do, I'm just trying to evade the point you're getting to. JERALD Well if you just hold still we can get it done in one stroke. KATRINE Ah, the band-aid school of complementing your date. JERALD We doing this? KATRINE Go. JERALD Okay.

So.

I.

KATRINE You can do it, Jerry. JERALD Please don't call me that. KATRINE At this point it's fun because of how much you object. JERALD I'm not the guy you imagined when you put on a family heirloom. Or got your hair cut. KATRINE You don't know that.

JERALD I'm pretty sure. And I don't think that any woman has ever stayed up fantasizing about me. I'm just not that kind of guy. KATRINE I bet some have. JERALD You're really not going to let me just do this? KATRINE No, because I don't think it's coming from a good place. JERALD Is it coming from a bad place? KATRINE I think so. I think it's coming from guilt for yelling. And I don't want your guilt compliments. JERALD You say “guilt compliments” like some people say “blood diamonds.” KATRINE Oh I'll take those if you have any. JERALD People don't get you, do they? KATRINE Ugh, that's so general, what are you, a whore-scope? JERALD I'm not trying to say nice things out of you from guilt because I yelled. (Catches her look) I mean, I am, but that's not why I'm saying it. KATRINE Then why?

JERALD Because it hit me on the way to the bathroom that you got dressed to the nines. That you look fantastic. And that you were trying to be nice and friendly and fun and I don't know why I'd reject that but I have and I-KATRINE Can't say you're sorry. JERALD Damnit. “COURSE 8 – IS THAT FUCKING ASPARAGUS?”

INT, NOMA – NIGHT An order of asparagus is on each plate, both Jerald and Katrine are looking more relaxed. KATRINE It just doesn't sound very exciting. JERALD Well you need to get excited. KATRINE (Takes a large sip of wine, leans forward in an exaggerated way and looks excited) So you met Bill Gates? JERALD I did! KATRINE I wasn't going to sleep with you before but now that you've said this, I can't contain myself anymore. JERALD Well then ready your panties, because there's an anecdote. KATRINE Does there have to be? JERALD Oh this is happening.

Okay.

KATRINE I'm ready.

JERALD So I'm in Seattle for a deal. KATRINE Oh god it's already awful. JERALD I'm very nervous, it's a make or break move for me. I have to meet these four guys, it's just me, I feel like I'm going to die. KATRINE They had to send four guys just to match how good you are alone. JERALD Thank you. So I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to close the deal. And just then, like an angel, who should appear? KATRINE Bill Gates? JERALD Bill-Fucking-Gates. He makes his way up to the bar like everyone else. So I figure, what the hell, I have nothing to lose. They're not here yet. Might as well. KATRINE Go, Jerald, go! JERALD I do. I go right up to him and I beg him for help. I tell him that I don't stand a chance without him and it would mean the world to me if he'd just come over during the meeting with these guys and say my name. He agrees in a “get the hell away from me kid” kind of way and I do, I sit down, I wait for the guys. KATRINE

Uh-huh. JERALD So they show up and a few minutes in it's clear that this is not going my way. They're just not into it. KATRINE I know how they feel. JERALD Right? So As I'm drowning. It's all over. This is not happening. And then he comes over. KATRINE He really came over? JERALD Yeah. KATRINE The guy who invented the computer? JERALD That's not even close to what he did, and yes. And of course the other guys snap to attention because it's Bill Gates. KATRINE Bill-Fucking-Gates. JERALD Yes! And he saves the day. He puts his hand out for me to shake and he says “Jerald it's so good to see you.” KATRINE And what did you say? JERALD I said “Shut the fuck up, Bill! Can't you see I'm in a meeting?” (He laughs). KATRINE (Laughing) Oh my god. I can't believe you did that.

JERALD Well, I didn't, it's a joke. KATRINE Wait, that didn't happen? “COURSE 9 – PORK.”

INT, NOMA – NIGHT A light, brazed pork dish that is staggeringly appealing is presented to both parties. JERALD Well this looks good. KATRINE I want you to tell me that I'm beautiful. JERALD There should really be more pork dishes. KATRINE Will you? JERALD It doesn't matter that you've asked for it? KATRINE Not at all. JERALD I thought Danes hated being complimented. That Danish women couldn't stand being called beautiful. KATRINE And how many Danish women have you dated? JERALD Do you count? KATRINE No. JERALD

One. KATRINE So you're not the expert you've made yourself out to be on the subject. JERALD Don't tell anyone. KATRINE You don't think I am. JERALD You know I do. KATRINE I don't know. You shouldn't assume what other people know. JERALD I have no idea why this is happening now when you've done everything to get away from anything nice being said about you but here it goes. KATRINE Wait. JERALD Of course. KATRINE (She takes a deep breath, trying to sober herself up a bit, before elegantly stretching out an arm across the table with an open hand). JERALD (Looks at the hand and then back to Katrine). KATRINE (Nods to the hand in a subtle way, then a not such subtle way). JERALD (Indicates that he doesn't know what to do with a both his hands facing up and a light shrug).

KATRINE Hold my damn hand! JERALD Oh! (Grasps her hand with his). I feel that this has slightly undercut the meaning but, you are very, very beautiful. KATRINE You're just saying that. JERALD You are certifiable. You are insane. You are quite possibly the craziest person I've ever met. KATRINE You can let go. JERALD Not going to. KATRINE What? JERALD Look at me. KATRINE Okay. JERALD Why did you want to be called beautiful so badly? KATRINE I don't know what you--

Just tell me.

JERALD No more games.

KATRINE I just haven't heard it for awhile. JERALD I'm sorry. KATRINE

No apologies. JERALD No more games. Look at me. I'm sorry that someone hasn't told you that you were beautiful in awhile. Someone should have. Someone should. Frequently. They should tell it to you so much that it makes you get desensitized to it because it's as easy to say to you as-KATRINE That I'm I'm crazy?

Yeah.

JERALD They're pretty close. KATRINE

Thank you. JERALD When is the last time? KATRINE I don't remember. (She tears up). JERALD Hey.

Hey.

KATRINE I don't remember the last time and the only reason this time happened is because I asked. JERALD That's not true. KATRINE Oh, you were just going to stumble into saying that I was beautiful after all the stuff I've said tonight? You can let go of my hand now. JERALD No.

And I was.

KATRINE Oh, you were going to say I was

beautiful all the sudden? JERALD I don't know if I would have used the word.

You see?

KATRINE You see?

JERALD I was going to say that you looked lovely. If your vain, schizophrenic ass had let me get there. KATRINE Oh. (Slowly her fingers play over his, tapping them on the knuckles, then stroking them, before intertwining her fingers with his and then grasping in a squeeze). JERALD (Squeezes her hand back and smiles. They share a long, tender moment. Then.) You really are crazy though. KATRINE Not even going to deny it. “COURSE 10 – THE PALLET CLEANSER PART I.”

INT, NOMA – NIGHT Punch Romaine is served in two tall sherbert glasses. The meal is winding down. The restaurant is no longer seating diners. The night is ending. Their wine glasses are empty, they are not looking for a refill. KATRINE I think you should come with me. JERALD Come where?

To get a drink. Anywhere.

KATRINE To go dancing.

JERALD

After.

I don't dance. KATRINE Well I love to do it, so I am not surprised. JERALD Are you really asking me this? KATRINE It took a lot of effort to so you better not shoot me down. JERALD Yeah, even I'm not that stupid. KATRINE You're not going to make a joke or little observation or something? JERALD Why jeopardize my chances. KATRINE At-a-boy. JERALD I thought women decided if they were going to sleep with a guy in the first few minutes. KATRINE We do. JERALD So you're saying you knew that this was going to happen from the start?

Oh no.

KATRINE Not at all.

JERALD So you're saying I've bucked the trend? KATRINE You've beaten the system. foiled the Matrix. JERALD Go me.

You've

KATRINE You rock. JERALD And to think it's all because some guy didn't call you hot often enough. KATRINE Yeah, I really don't think my husband knows what he has sometimes. JERALD (Stops eating the sherbert, the smile vanishing from his face, the air deflating from his shoulders). Of course. KATRINE Can we pretend I didn't say that? JERALD I don't think so. KATRINE Worth a shot.

Really?

JERALD You're joking around?

KATRINE I don't know what else to do. JERALD I have some suggestions. KATRINE Don't.

Please. JERALD

Okay. KATRINE I'm going to leave him. JERALD Which means you haven't. KATRINE No.

Not yet.

JERALD So what are you waiting for? KATRINE I don't know. JERALD Okay. KATRINE It's not easy, you know, to get over someone. You know that. JERALD It's a lot harder when you see them all the time. KATRINE I don't see him all the time. I didn't  —I haven't lied to you. I left something out and I should have said it at the start and I'm sorry. Okay? I didn't expect anything tonight either, okay? I just wanted to forget about everything. JERALD You don't see him all the time? KATRINE I haven't seen him in weeks. He's always gone. He's always taking a job some place far away. He's stopped even asking me if I'd like to come. He hasn't asked in awhile. JERALD Do you still love him? KATRINE Yes. But not in that way, please don't look away, but not like—not like you should love someone. It's just hanging there. It's just leaving slowly. You don't know what it's like, it's not like when you lose someone you're seeing. You can't just leave them.

JERALD You don't know what I'm going through. You don't know what it's like to be as alone as I have been.

You're right.

KATRINE I'm sorry. JERALD

No apologizing. KATRINE Thank you. JERALD Yeah. KATRINE You really are a great guy. JERALD Yeah, thanks. KATRINE I'm sorry that you're lonely. JERALD It's okay. I shouldn't have said anything. And it's just temporary, you know?

I'm lonely, too.

KATRINE I'm as lonely as you. JERALD

I know. KATRINE You do? JERALD Yeah. For the first time all night you're not trying to be anything. You're just there and it's really honest. And you look beautiful because you are. “THE PALLET CLEANSER – PART II.”

INT, NOMA – NIGHT An assortment of little cheese wedges is left on a plate in the middle of the couple. The wine glasses and bottles have been cleared. There are only two glasses of water and the cheese dish on the table. JERALD I don't think I can do this.

I know. thing.

KATRINE That's admirable.

It's a good

JERALD When did you and I switch places? KATRINE I'm guessing around confession time.

Makes sense. him?

JERALD Are you going to leave

KATRINE I don't know. Eventually. I was always hoping that he'd do it. That I'd just get a letter in the mail or message saying it was over. JERALD Hasn't come yet? KATRINE Well have you seen the people who work at the post office? JERALD And then you add what the Danes call service on top of that. KATRINE Exactly. I could have been divorced for a year and not even know it. JERALD Every man in the world wants you to show up on a blind date, you know that? Every single one. If they ever get a

note from an admirer or an whisper in a chat room every single man that has ever lived wished it was you on the other end. My point being that you should probably move on if you're not happy because it's not like there's any shortage of attempts out there for you. KATRINE You're not taking your own advice. JERALD Okay, one, I am not as good looking as you. Two, I'm fucked up. I mean, I really don't want to get into the minutia of what happened between me and her but in the end? In the end I just wish she had cursed me out or said I was a bastard or anything. Instead I've just gotten even more fucked up because I think the best relationship I'm ever going to have is already gone and the guy that was coming out of it isn't there anymore. KATRINE This is helping. JERALD Talking about this is making you feel more confident? KATRINE No, you talking like a little bitch makes it much easier to imagine not sleeping with you. JERALD Okay, maybe not every guy hopes you're on the other end. KATRINE You shouldn't spend any more time alone. You've done enough. Whatever you think needs to happen next, it doesn't need to happen with you alone, drinking a beer and questioning anything. It should be with someone. Anyone.

JERALD Anyone? KATRINE Yes. And I will, leave him. And if I do, I'd like to call you. I'd like to call you before I do. And you don't have to do anything but, I mean, isn't it possible that we were supposed to meet each other? JERALD Why do you think so? KATRINE Because you're too stiff and I'm too easy. Why are you smiling like that? JERALD Easy can also mean slutty. KATRINE Well that's just unfortunate. JERALD Yeah. KATRINE Well then I'm too loose. kidding me?

What?

Are you

JERALD No, it can also mean slutty. KATRINE Americans and their infantile fascination with sex. JERALD Puritan pride, baby. KATRINE I just think you should be open to the possibility.

I am.

JERALD I think you're right. KATRINE

Well there is a first time for everything. “COURSE 12 – Creme Brulee.”

INT, NOMA – NIGHT A single, large dish of burnt cream is in the middle of the table, Jerald and Katrine both have a spoon. JERALD You are going to town on that. KATRINE You snooze you lose! JERALD Are you going to let me in there? KATRINE Nope. (Fences his spoon with hers before smiling and taking up another mouthful). So have you decided? JERALD On what? KATRINE On when you're going to see me again. Or if you'd like to do something after this. JERALD It's been an interesting day and I think I just need to clear my head. KATRINE I get that. (She takes her purse from the the back of chair where it's been hanging and pulls out a piece of paper and a pen). JERALD What are you writing? KATRINE My address and the nearest stop to it. Do you take the train or metro?

JERALD I like the S-Train. KATRINE Me too. Here. (She slides the note over after folding it in half and then stands up). JERALD Oh, are you? KATRINE You can only reject a woman so many times before she finds a way to excuse herself. JERALD Hey, just, hey, just wait a second, alright. I just have to get my wallet. KATRINE You already paid. JERALD I want to tip. KATRINE You don't have to tip, you know. JERALD Really, you don't have to tip in Denmark? I wish I had met you years ago, think of all the money I could have saved. KATRINE You're making me regret handing you that note. JERALD No you don't. And you can take an American away from his customs. We were here for two and a half hours and we called him a Swede, he should get something out of it. KATRINE Are you really going to walk me out.

JERALD I'm trying if you'd just slow down. KATRINE Are you being a gentleman? JERALD I just want to watch your legs in action again. KATRINE That sounds more like you. JERALD Ready? KATRINE I am. (They walk out together, in step, side by side). EXT, NOMA – NIGHT The city is slowing, there is much less energy outside the building KATRINE Thank you. The station is just over here.

I know.

JERALD I'm going to walk you to it. KATRINE

You don't have to. JERALD I want to. KATRINE Okay. (They walk down the street in silence to the train station.) I don't understand why, it's safe. JERALD It's because I want to. That whole thing about customs. It's just, who I am, okay? KATRINE Okay. (They take a few more steps before

she stops). JERALD What? KATRINE (She leans in against him, reaches a hand behind his head and pulls him down into a long, slow kiss). In case you don't call. (She releases him and takes a step back). JERALD (He takes a step forward and grabs her by the hips, pulling her against him and kissing her hard in return. He releases and takes a step back before turning and moving towards the train station). In case you don't answer. You coming? EXT, A TRAIN STATION – NIGHT The station is full of the weary old and excited and aboutto-party young. Jerald and Katrine make their way past the station boards and to a little place to stop. The hold hands for a second, the train comes, and she gets on. KATRINE Have a nice walk. JERALD I will. KATRINE I think, just last minute. JERALD Yeah? KATRINE I think if you have a lot of feelings for someone—damnit! (she presses a button to keep the doors from shutting). I think if you like someone that it means something and you should listen to that. JERALD You're holding up a train to hit on me.

KATRINE And you're still too stupid to get on. The doors shut, she gives a single wave and then makes a “call me” mime as the train pulls off. Jerald walks off after it goes. EXT, TIVOLI GARDENS – NIGHT The TIVOLI sign goes from illuminated to dark as various lights in the park also shut off. As the last ones go, Jerald walks by gardens. EXT. COPENHAGEN, THE ROYAL LIBRARY – NIGHT The large, modern building is being locked up, the final pairs of people walking out. The final pair, in lockstep and talking, walk past Jerald who gives a nod to them as they move in opposite directions. EXT. COPENHAGEN, A FERRY STOP - NIGHT A large Ferry opens up at a docking station, a few weary passengers step on. It is clear that this is the end of their very long day. As the last couple moves their way on, Jerald appears making his way off, walking alone into the night. EXT – COPENHAGEN, A MAJOR STREET – NIGHT The street is dark, there are few buses and cars, a few pedestarians and natives on bikes, but the city is asleep. The only places left holding any warmth here are the bars and pubs still open. Music and light and laughter spill out of them. INT – A PUB IN COPENHAGEN – NIGHT The Danes are segmented by who they knew before they walked in. As Jerald has nobody, he is the only person there alone, he is finishing a beer, waves for another, and is fishing for some kroner in his pocket before laying it on the counter and waving the tender off when they try and give him change, flashing the first smile of the montage. EXT – AN UPSCALE APARTMENT – NIGHT Jerald looks uneasy as he aproaches the door.

He paces back

and forth a few times before taking a deep breath and knocking twice. After a moment a light turns on, there are steps, and the door opens. We only see Jerald's side of the door, and not what's on the other side. JERALD Hej. Don't say anything, okay? I'm not drunk, or crazy or anything, I just have something to say and I didn't want to call. Tonight was the most amazing, incredible, strangest night I've had in a really long time. Maybe ever. I wouldn't exactly say it was the most pleasant or—that doesn't matter. Listen, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since the moment you left and I don't know when I will. And I'm not...I'm not here for anything, I don't think. I just wanted to say it. To see you and to say it. That I really do think you are beautiful and wonderful and you are pretty much the best thing that could ever happen to me. I was this miserable, lonely soul before I met you and even though I'm not pretending that it's always going to be easy or work out or anything, I really do think that I should be with you. I think you're right about me being, you know, lonely and too guarded and all that. I do. And I think it's time to change. At least a little bit at a time because honestly, I just want to enjoy the time I have here. This city is amazing. Your company is amazing. I want both at the same time. I just...is there...can I ask you out again? INT, AN APARTMENT IN COPENHAGEN - NIGHT The woman being spoken to through the door is not Katrine but rather Jerald's Ex. She is stunned in silence, wearing some pajamas, with wide eyes. After a moment of saying nothing she simply closes the door. EXT, AN APARTMENT IN COPENHAGEN – NIGHT Jerald nods a few times, before shuffling away a few steps and sitting on the bottom step of her personal staircase.

He pulls out his phone to check the time and when he puts it back he finds the paper Katrine wrote him earlier. He unfolds it and it says, “I wouldn't have respected you if you tried to come home with me, anyway.” He laughs and rips it up, putting the shreds in his pocket and gets up to walk away. As soon as he gets to the main road the door opens up again. He looks back to see his ex in day clothes with a scrunchie in her hair. She still has the same wide-eyed expression. After a second of staring at one another, Jerald runs to her, up the steps and pauses at the door. INT, AN APARTMENT IN COPENHAGEN – NIGHT After standing face to face for a moment turns around and walks into the apartment. He hesitates a second, walks in and closes the door.

THE END