DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1
1
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE Copyright 2012 Love Systems, Inc. All Rights Reserved
2
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1
CHAPTER 1 - QUICK START DATES GUIDE In this chapter (click each one to go directly to that section): • THE BASICS • COMMON FALLACIES ABOUT DATING • COMMON DATING MISTAKES • THE EIGHT COMMANDMENTS: BREAKING THE TRADITIONAL RULES • SUMMARY
THE BASICS Let’s redefine “success” on a date. When following Love Systems, your goal is to get to sex as quickly as possible. The sooner you reach this goal, the quicker you reach success. This goal may be a bit of a shock if you’re not used to get consistent dates, make outs, etc. Why do we have this goal? There are a few reasons: •
Sex is high-level investment for most women. Once sex has occurred, the power is now with you to create the kind of relationship that you want.
•
If sexual tension is unresolved and left too long, it can makes things awkward.
•
It helps the bonding and intimacy of the relationship.
•
The risk of “fizzling out” diminishes, otherwise what could have been an exciting or meaningful relationship is totally lost as a result of decreased momentum and investment.
Interestingly, you’ll find that as you increase your options and develop a true mentality of abundance, sex on the first date becomes less of a concern.
3
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 The above are just a few reasons why sex makes a successful date. Below are some concepts that will help you achieve this: 1.
Emotional Stimulation
Stimulate her with the widest possible range of emotions. Your words, actions, and even your environment can all be powerful tools in your arsenal when used properly. This guarantees you will stay on her mind in a good way. 2.
Physical Intimacy
Touching, intimacy, and proximity should all increase throughout the course of the date. This makes the transition to sex smooth instead of ending the date with an awkward kiss on her doorstep when you haven’t even touched her leg! Physical escalation is crucial for making it implicitly clear that you are not the type of guy who ends up in the “friend zone.” It also conveys that you are a sexually confident man who takes risks and expects results. Remember, women are led into seduction. She may be hoping that sex will happen, but it’s on you to make the moves. 3.
Deepening the Emotional Connection
You should both feel as if you have made it past the superficial level and have discovered each other more intimately. The mutual feeling of comfort and closeness after spending quality time learning about each other’s world should be the goal here. 4.
Sexualization
This is where you verbally set the stage for a sexual relationship. By making her comfortable with sexual topics, you establish the frame that sex is not a big deal. Like all of the steps above, it is crucial that you sexualize the interaction in order to have a successful date. Many of the problems men run into stem from their acceptance of common dating practices. They watch Hollywood movies, read novels, and hear one-off stories or even worse... listen to women’s romanticized advice or follow inaccurate information on dating. The classic tale of “nice guy gets the girl,” purported by Hollywood films, feeds on our fantasy and desire to be seen for who we “really are’” without actually having to DO anything. This is great in the fantasy world.
4
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 In the real world, however, you have to be proactive on dates. Remember that women are often spectators in their own seduction. If you want the magic to happen, you need to whip out and wave the magic wand.
COMMON FALLACIES ABOUT DATING THE FALLACY OF THE MAN WHO WOOS THE WOMAN There is an overriding presumption that men chase and women play hard to get. While this actually coincides with basic human nature, it also breeds unhelpful dating mindsets and frames.
W ith this fallacy women are seen as prizes to be won, thus sex becomes a trophy she gives to the man who competes for and wins her affection. Adopting the role of “chaser” (which the average guy usually does) significantly decreases your odds.
What’s so bad about chasing? Simply put, it makes attraction and intimacy very difficult to generate. To enjoy the huge success that is within your potential, you must change this presumption - then you’ll notice that attraction comes easier and sex happens faster.
THE FALLACY OF THE NICE GUY Society has lost the initiation phase that transforms the boy into the man. This transformation is essential to overcome all kinds of fear, so it’s no surprise that the average, modern society guy is afraid to be a man. He doesn’t embrace his masculinity, nor does he act from his core male nature. As a result, the definition of being a man has been lost. The modern man, who may be a nice person with a lot to offer, loses his masculinity through relying on the following false pretenses: •
Social conditioning - we are told to follow social trends and place our needs as a second priority to those of others.
•
Social acceptance - judging women for embracing/enjoying their sexuality (e.g. the word slut).
5
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 •
Fantasy - what we read in romance novels or see in Hollywood films that we choose to believe is how the real world works. This usually comes through some false pretense.
Keep in mind, there is a difference between a nice guy and the nice guy. Women like guys who are nice, but are only interested in those guys after they have displayed their attractive qualities (such as being preselected or being a challenge).
A guy who can demonstrate his attractive characteristics (such as the attraction switches described in Magic Bullets) is a man in touch with his masculinity. Women know that these types of guys won’t become soft later on in the relationship. The nice guy adopts a feminine role, looking to her for guidance and putting her on a pedestal that she neither deserves nor wants to be on. This puts pressure on her and places her in a masculine role that she doesn’t want.
Nice guys become providers failing to recognize the dual nature of a relationship: give and take. Despite their good intentions of pleasing a woman, the relationship becomes boring.
W ithout having to earn anything in the relationship, the woman cannot get in touch with her feminine side and this can be extremely frustrating for her. While the nice guy provides for her, she may be out fulfilling the missing elements of the relationship with a hot flame who meets her needs at the other end of the lover-provider spectrum. Women often admit to making one guy wait for sex while they sleep with another man. Why? Because the former is a Provider (the nice guy) while the latter is a Lover.
What’s the difference? If you are not viewed as a man with whom she can explore and enjoy her sexuality, you will fall into the friend zone or “provider” role. Both of these are counterproductive to your success. A guy she slots as boyfriend material, i.e. the Provider, will only see a certain side of her, usually her conservative side. The Lover freely explores the full force of her sexual desire and prowess before deciding if he wants to date her. See the difference?
Be a lover first, provider second. Nice guys don’t finish first!
6
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1
THE HOT FLAME/LOVER
BOYFRIEND/PROVIDER
Excitement
Predictablity
Fantasy
Security
W illingness to walk away - (scarcity)
Loyalty
Abundance mentality
Provides resources
Dominance
Social Conformity
Danger
Safety
Unpredictability
Predictablity
Sexual Experience / ability
Family and Children
Driven by passion with or without her
Emotional/Financial Stability
Mystery
Excess Comfort
Spontaneity
Acceptance
T he Fallacy of “ she ’ s too special ” It’s advantageous for a woman to assess a man’s attractiveness. She does this through everyday behavior and overall character before hooking up with him. Women are great assessors. Thus she can learn a lot by seeing a man in his natural environment and observing his behavior around other people (friends, store assistants, waiting staff, etc). Three dates could give her sufficient time if she knows what she’s looking for. The problem for women lies in the fact that many men change after sex. For example, guys become flakey, take longer to return text messages, and generally stop pursuing in the same way they did before sex occurred. This is a genuine fear that women experience so they take certain precautions (such as withholding sex) to avoid the negative emotions that arise as a result. If a man has to work for her, he’ll become more invested and less flakey. Regardless of how many dates you have been on, once sex happens the balance of the relationship shifts significantly in the man’s favor. As mentioned before, sex is high-level investment for most women since it produces chemicals in her body that makes her want to bond with the man she has slept with. Most women are very aware of this biochemical change. In many cases women have experienced such a negative shift in a man’s behavior post-sex that
7
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 they adopt rules for future encounters with men (rules such as “no sex till the 3rd date,” waiting [X] hours to reply to a text, etc). Simply put, a handful of us have made it difficult for the rest!
Now, we’re not here to be your moral guides. We do advocate honesty and openness while developing new sexual relationships. This is for two reasons. First, it protects the feelings of everyone involved. Secondly, it aids in making stronger and more fulfilling sexual connections.
Remember, women will never blame you for embracing your masculinity and being sexual.
COMMON DATING MISTAKES Remember in the first section where we defined a successful date? If you take a woman on the classic romantic date (dinner and movie), you’ll experience difficulty in fulfilling the criteria for a successful date. Even for great conversationalists, the challenges presented by these types of dates create both a burden on your conversation and a hindrance to physical escalation.
T he downfalls of dinner •
She may be self-conscious about eating in front of you.
•
You remind her of the average guy whom she has rejected before.
•
Your ability to physically escalate is restricted (often by the table).
•
Increased pressure and attention is placed on your conversation.
T he downfalls of a M o v ie •
It is virtually impossible to make an emotional connection through conversation.
•
A spotlight is placed on every physical escalation attempt since it will be the only form of communication between the two of you. (Awareness is heightened.)
•
You’re allowing an external variable - the movie - to determine her mood. If the movie is bad/sad/boring, you now have the unnecessary task of changing her emotional state.
•
You fit into the “cliché dates” category so attraction is an uphill battle. Instead of starting at a +2, you’re at a -5.
8
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 The exception to this, however, is if these dates are taking place at your house. If she is coming over for dinner or a movie, then your logistics are sorted and these dates have a different vibe.
N ot attempting intimacy As mentioned before, unresolved sexual tension left too long makes things awkward, boring, or frustrating. Until you have slept with each other, sexual tension influences the way both of you communicate and act around each other.
We advocate sleeping with her sooner rather than later since it will allow you to guide the relationship in the direction of your choice, free from clouded perspectives or ulterior motives.
Although turning things sexual early speeds up the seduction process, calibrating your advances is a crucial concept to adhere to. There is a difference between owning your sexuality and making a move versus being obsessed with getting laid and pressuring her for sex. The latter will make you seem like a horny teenager while hindering the development of a meaningful relationship. Some women have their rules, and even the most charming of men may not make them deviate from those.
All women have their blueprint for disregarding their rules. Figure this out and you will be the guy she desires.
o v ercoming D ating M istakes Most guys fall into the fallacy of the three date rule where the woman will wait three dates before allowing any physical or sexual intimacy.
While some women do consciously follow a three date rule, you must: 1. Understand why she employs such a rule (usually a form of self- protection). 2. See yourself as the exception to any rule and reject any restrictions to a successful date that the rule implies. 3. Lead her comfortably to sex through emotional connection and sexual arousal.
9
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1
THE EIGHT COMMANDMENTS: BREAKING THE TRADITIONAL RULES By instantly displaying that you are not the average guy - you’re not a sucker for the common fallacies of dating - you establish a dynamic in the relationship that is conducive to high levels of attraction and rapid escalation. We’ve come up with eight commandments to ensure a smooth transition from the date to the bedroom.
1 . R un solid G ame A firm grasp of the Love Systems Triad Model is absolutely essential. Running solid game is the definition we use for working through to the top of the Love Systems Emotional Progression Model in the correct sequence: building attraction before building comfort, building comfort before the seduction process and simultaneously physically escalating, all while leading her to a location where sex can happen. Being proficient in leading a woman through the Emotional Progression Model is crucial to your success. You must get good at: •
Building attraction - stimulating her emotions and demonstrating higher value.
•
Qualification - getting her to demonstrate her value and showing appreciation for her non-physical qualities.
•
Building comfort - connecting and developing a deeper understanding of each others’ worlds.
•
Seduction - turning things sexual and arousing her.
These are the foundational skills that allow you to begin a sexual relationship in the fastest possible time.
10
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 2 . S pike Attraction Fun overrides the logical brain and makes us more responsive to suggestions from others, so don’t get too serious and too deep when you’re trying to break the rules. There is a myriad of ways to generate attraction but you should focus on the fun techniques such as teasing, misinterpretation, and humor.
Keeping things fun and playful early on will let her ignore her nervousness and logical mind when this happens the date starts off with no pressure and this is usually all the attraction you need to run through the emotional progression model.
3 . B uild C omfort The amount of comfort and connection needed for a long-term relationship to develop is larger than that required for sex.
A woman needs to know enough about you to trust that you are who you say you are. Do this and she will feel safe going back home with you. Throughout the course of the date she will be assessing you - consciously and sub-consciously - for: •
Whether you remain consistent with the attractive image that you portrayed in the initial interaction.
•
How comfortable she feels around you.
•
Whether or not she can see you as a part of her life and what role you would play.
Most of the time she will be assessing your relationship potential; getting deep into comfort will increase your relationship potential, but this will hinder the speed at which things turn sexual.
The best comfort builder in this sense is revealing your passions and your purpose. These are what drive you to jump out of bed every morning. She should feel the passion in your voice as you describe them to her - not because you’re trying to seem enthused, but because you can’t help but be excited. Your genuine passion and purpose should be the driving force of your life.
This is a great opportunity to show multiple sides of your personality while weaving your passion/purpose into the conversation. For example, if you were high energy and fun when you
11
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 first met, sprinkle in some of your intellectual side - she’ll love the intrigue. Doing this will let her see your full emotional range which allows her to better gauge who you are away from her.
An interesting way to build more comfort is giving your unique view of the world. Using the attraction switches in your stories, telling her how you see the world is a powerful comfort builder. Here is an example from Vercetti: Vercetti: “I read something that really resonated with me today...” Sylvia: “What?” Vercetti: “What are you scared of?” Sylvia: “I don’t know, I hate spiders.” Vercetti: “You’re adorable. I mean in your life... This guy said something really interesting. He said it’s okay to be scared; when taking on something new being a little scared is natural and can inspire you to prepare well and do your best. It’s fear that we have to watch out for. Fear is paralyzing and stops you from taking chances in life. I thought that was a great way to look at it and when I think back to the crazy things I’ve done recently, I’ve been scared but taken action anyway and it’s always pushed me to stay sharp and work even harder, and things have turned out great.” These are active comfort builders that you steer the conversation toward. However, comfort can be built passively too. Passively built comfort comes from absorbing opportunities that come your way. These include leading (opening the door for her) or making her feel safe (like holding her hand when you cross the street). Basically, it’s man stuff - allow her to feel that you are looking out for her and that she can rely on you. Holding her hand while leading through a crowd communicates deeper messages than simply not wanting her to get lost. It indicates that you think about her as you move through life, that she has a special place and won’t be tossed aside. It’s subtle, but women are fluent in subtle communication. Always ask yourself what you are sub-communicating, not just what you’re directly communicating. Lastly, you want to turn things sexual. This shift in itself indicates a level of trust between you and her.
12
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 The danger of the comfort phase is its power to paint you as boyfriend material or a provider if you don’t show your intent. By sexualizing things you keep her in the present moment rather than fantasizing about her future with you as an awesome boyfriend. How do you do that? Here are some examples: •
“Tell me more about why you do X. I find it intriguing... even if I wasn’t trying to get in your pants I’d still want to know.”
•
“Just listening to you explain why you love X, I can feel how passionate you are about it... That’s sexy... Tell me more... Actually, let’s change the topic; you’re making me think naughty thoughts.”
4 . S et frames F or fast escalation Frames are “the underlying assumptions and emotional contexts of an interaction.” Frames exist everywhere in society. To illustrate this, imagine being in a classroom where you, the student, were speaking to the teacher. The frame is student-teacher. Imagine now that the teacher was instead a police officer interviewing you. Can you see how different the interaction would be?
Now take this concept and apply it to dating. Imagine setting the frame of being a nice, reliable, and dependable guy who rarely pushes boundaries. You bend over backwards to satisfy her demands and try to please her with gifts. These characteristics set one frame. On the flipside, imagine you set the frame that you are an exciting, fun, ambitious, and unpredictable guy who takes her on adventures. You surprise her, test her capabilities and always keep her guessing. Imagine the difference in her emotional state around you - these two archetypes play different roles in her life.
If you don’t set a frame in your favor then she will set it (unconsciously and usually against your favor). By establishing effective frames as early as possible you have the power to shift the dynamic between the two of you to where you want.
For example, if you set early frames of a non-judgmental relationship, you’ll set the foundation for a relationship unrestricted by fear of social judgment. Similarly, if you set frames of adventurousness and free sexual expression then you set the stage for an affair limited only by your imaginations. As a rule, the strongest frame in an interaction wins.
13
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 Focus on proactively setting good frames while avoiding any unhelpful frames she attempts to set. Establish yourself as the prize that she is working to win. Everything she does is seen as an attempt to impress you, seduce you, and keep you interested. She’s trying to impress you. Interpret things she does as attempts to impress you. •
She wears a sweet smelling perfume. “That smells sexy, good choice. Thank you.”
•
She dresses up and makes an effort. “You look incredible. I love women who dress up for me (hug her then release with...). Okay, don’t get carried away, stop trying to seduce me.”
Note: These frames are set in a playful way. If you are too forceful or overt in your attempt to set a frame you’ll come up against resistance. Women have egos too, and being accused outright of trying to impress someone will cause her ego defense to kick in. She’s sexual and dangerous. •
Highlight a quality she has and link it to sexuality. The way she walks/looks at you/talks.
Example 1 Vercetti: “I don’t feel safe around you.” Gabi: “Why, what have I done?” Vercetti: “It’s the way you walk... It’s sexy, but it’s dangerous. Next thing I know I’ll be stripped down naked in bed telling you I’m in love... I can already tell you’re bad for me.” Example 2 Vercetti: “The way you talk about nursing is sexy. I can see how passionate you are about it. You’re a dangerous one. I’ve gotta watch myself with you. I know how this ends, it starts with you innocently displaying what you’re passionate about and next thing I’m waking up tomorrow morning and you’ve taken my virginity. I can already tell you just want me for my body.” Rachel: “Haha, no I don’t!” Vercetti: “Oh, so now you don’t find me attractive! Huh, this date is over!” (Gets up to leave and goes to the bathroom.) Here is an example of a re-frame. She tries to set a negative frame and Braddock re-frames it in his favor:
14
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1
Her: “I’m not sleeping with you.”
Braddock: “Whoa... Where did that come from? Why are you being so serious?”
Her: “I’m not!”
Braddock: “Listen, are you having fun?”
Her: “Yes.”
Braddock: “Me too. Let’s just go with that.”
The above example is a small frame you can set. You are basically implying that you are not taking the date too seriously and you are not worried about societal rules. You just want the two of you to have fun.
5 . D isplay your willingness to walk away A woman will “test” you to see how much she can get away with or to challenge your strength of character. An experienced woman has an idea of what she is looking for in a man in the same way that you screen her for attractive qualities. If you fall at the hurdle by failing her tests or letting her cross boundaries you will face an uphill struggle to turn things sexual. The reason for this is that once you have displayed that you’re a pushover, or that you have no standards and expectations, she will instantly lose attraction for you. Communicating your willingness to walk away tells her you are high value and pre-selected by other women, you have standards and expectations, and you have not put her on the pedestal that most average guys put her on. The only reason a guy wouldn’t display a willingness to walk away is the fact that he is scared of losing her - the total opposite of pre-selection and abundance. What makes this so powerful? Displaying your willingness to walk away evokes the fear of loss, which is a strong motivational force we see in advertising as well as dating. Have you ever been shopping and seen a big poster that screams “SALE! Must end TODAY?” You may have felt the sense of urgency and impulse at least to check out what was so popular. A similar effect is achieved when you display a willingness to walk away. Conversely if she feels she always has access to you then the challenge is over and there is no motivational force for her to act people want what is scarce. A small caveat to this is it only works effectively if she is already attracted to you and sees
15
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 sexual potential, so the best strategy is to start small and gradually build up. Here are some ways to display your willingness to walk away: •
Takeaways - walking away and leaving her alone for short periods. For example, if you’re at a museum together, wander off and look at artwork without waiting for her.
•
Boundaries - let her know when she crosses them, and that it’s not acceptable.
•
Breaking rapport - imply that you’re not quite at the level where she can know certain things about you. For example, “I don’t know you well enough. I’ll tell you later once we trust each other more... I will tell you that I’m very close with my family. I’m very protective of my mom and sister.”
•
Standards and expectations.
•
Playful disqualification - find a reason why the two of you won’t work together, but make sure it is a reason that can be overcome. For example, you can accuse her of being bad in bed, but she can learn how not to be a starfish.
6 . H andle logistics in ad vance Handling logistics is a crucial element in a successful date. As badly as a woman may want to have sex with you, sealing the deal gets complicated if you don’t have a place to do it (but we’ll cover logistics in detail later on). You should set up a date with the end in mind. Ask yourself: “Where do I want to end up?” Find the answer and plan your date backwards, choosing locations that allow you to become intimate without interruption or fear of judgment. Handling logistics is one of your key responsibilities as a leader and a dominant male. Remember, you have to be proactive on dates. Well-handled logistics allow for a smoother date with fewer state breaks.
7 . A rouse her and physically escalate A surprise to most men is that women get nervous on dates too. What can be described as a weird, awkward, and invisible tension naturally presents itself when meeting for a first date. That’s just the way it is. Therefore it’s on you to break that invisible tension barrier by touching early. You can then use the Triad Model as a road map to progress the physical conversation in sync with the verbal/emotional conversation. Women are emotional creatures, and once stimulated those emotions become very powerful
16
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 and can cause her to make decisions she wouldn’t normally make. By arousing her sexual desire you engage her emotional mind which is capable of overriding her logical mind and its objections. In an instant she can get swept up in your pleasure and disregard the consequences - that is the power of her emotional mind. You must cultivate the ability to turn a woman on, and once honed, she will love you for this skill. Creating sexual attraction is not a logical process and it takes practice, but once learned and applied it can be powerful. Every woman is different of course, but having an arsenal of arousal techniques will help you rapidly escalate the sexual relationship.
Have you ever been around someone who you may have admired or viewed as funnier than you? Can you recall the self-conscious feeling of monitoring everything that you said or didn’t say because you weren’t sure if it would be funny? A similar fear of judgment will stop a woman with a huge sexual potential from expressing it. When you judge her, instead of beginning an intimate relationship, you’ll make her self-conscious and she’ll repress her desire. Understand that many women love sex (with partners that they’re attracted to) as much or more than men. Many have wilder sexual fantasies than the average man does, and the sooner you appreciate women for their vast sexual capacity, the sooner you’ll increase the quality of your dating life.
The fortunate men who understand a woman’s sexual nature can help her to enhance it. Thus, these men experience women in a way that the average guy never will. For more on this, see the section on Physical Escalation in Book 3: “On the Date”
8 . S ex : J ust G o F or I t ! The only way sex will happen is by the man leading the woman into the bedroom. This can be daunting for an inexperienced guy, but a woman will not do the work for you.
If you follow the steps in this book you will have set up your date(s) to end in sex. This is not trickery. If you engage her emotions and run a smooth date, she will want to have sex with you. It will seem like the most natural thing in the world and she’ll love the experience.
17
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1
SUMMARY Myths and fallacies in dating place awkward and unnecessary pressure on women. However, the strongest frame wins. If you adopt your own non-judgmental beliefs about dating you can liberate a woman from the awkward, social pressure she usually faces. Remember, a successful date is one that ends in sex, and adopting these frames and mindsets while avoiding common dating mistakes will work in your favor.
Since this is a guide to dates, you reading this book means that your game is at the level where you can consistently open, generate attraction, and get phone numbers. The advice in this book will help you reach the next level and provide a solid road map for planning your dates and directing the outcome towards a sexual situation while of course maintain the most important element - having fun.
Before you continue, go to the Workbook and complete the introductory exercises - #1 “Prior Dates,” #2 “Self-Diagnosis,” and #3 “Improvement Areas.”
18
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1
CHAPTER 2 - SETTING UP THE DATE In this chapter (click each one to go directly to that section): • SEEDING AND TIME-BRIDGING • FUTURE ADVENTURE PROJECTIONS (FAPS) • HOW TO ASK HER OUT • MAINTAIN AN AURA OF INFORMALITY • TIME, PLACE, AND DAY OF YOUR DATES • EMOTIONAL MOMENTUM Finally, you’re getting numbers - solid ones - and girls are picking up their phones and returning your texts. This is the time to improve your text and phone game in addition to working on your dates.
Love Systems has already published a phenomenal book, The Ultimate Guide to Text and Phone Game by Braddock and Mr. M, which blew all of the old e-articles and resources off the web. If you are working on your text and phone game, we recommend that you pick it up.
While the phone is a useful tool however, this is a book about dates. As an entire book, we’ve designed it to be a resource you can continually refer back to whether you’re new to this and need the occasional refresher on the basics or if you’re more advanced and could add some finer tweaks to your game. If you are advanced, you’ll probably fly through the first couple chapters before getting into the more advanced material, but for now this chapter will show you how to turn your numbers into dates.
19
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1
SEEDING AND TIME-BRIDGING T ime-bridging is a classic method to get the date before getting her phone number. It’s simple, yet very important. Instead of directly asking a girl for her phone number - which may work just fine - the idea behind time-bridging is to drop hints or “seeds” into the conversation about cool and interesting things/events you have going on in the coming days. This allows you to gauge her interest and if she does seem interested in one of the ideas then you can ask her to join you. (We’ll explain why this is so powerful later. For now, just understand that it works.) Example: William: “Are you an athletic type? (Planting the seed.) I love to ride horses.” Kate: “I like to work out but I don’t play any sports... I do like to watch them though.” William: “Cool. I’m going to be at W imbledon this weekend. I have tickets in the front row.” Kate: “Wow, that sounds cool.” William: “It’s always fun. I have an extra seat if you would like to come.” (Boring timebridge.) Kate: “Yeah, I might be free to check it out.” William: “Okay, put your number in my phone...” The original notion behind time-bridging is that you are connecting (bridging) the gap between your original interaction and the second meeting. It is a strategy superior to simply asking for a phone number for the reason that a phone number alone has no purpose. You should look at phone numbers as the communication link between your initial interaction and the date. It is not an excuse to talk again - she has enough friends to talk with on the phone. T ime-bridging is also a great remedy for flakiness. If you want fewer flakes, focus on making the time-bridge a real event. Paint a picture for the girl using descriptive language to engage her visual mind. If she can envision herself at the event, it becomes real to her. Additionally, you should also tick off some basic logistics - you don’t need to be too exact - for the date so that the plan becomes real to her. Let’s take a look at how the above example could have gone down if W illiam set up a good time-bridge.
20
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 Example: William: “Are you an athletic type? (Planting the seed.) I love to ride horses.” Kate: “I like to work out but I don’t play any sports... I do like to watch them though.” William: “I’m actually going to watch tennis this weekend at my favorite stadium.” Kate: “What stadium is that?” William: “W imbledon. It’s near my mate Jeremy’s house so we usually get tickets to the front row. It’s great ‘cause you can see the sweat fly off of the players’ faces when they hit the ball, and it’s so nice sitting in the sun. Have you ever been to a tennis match before?” (Watering the seed.) Kate: “No, I wish. That sounds awesome.” William: “Really? You should come with me. We’ll throw peanuts at the players together. It’s this Saturday and I have an extra ticket anyway.” (Start of the exciting time-bridge.) Kate: “Yeah, that sounds fun.” William: “It starts at noon, so you better not be hung over, party girl.” (End of the exciting time-bridge.) Kate: (giggles) “I’ll be ready. You just better make sure you’re not hung over!” William: “Cool. I’ll have to grab your number before the end of the night.” Do you see the difference? In this example, the date is already set up. The girl can picture it in her mind and has placed it in her schedule. This doesn’t guarantee 100 percent that she won’t flake, but it is clearly a lot closer to a date than just getting her phone number and starting from scratch.
Once that seed is planted, in the same way that a party you are planning gets more exciting as the night approaches, the excitement can amplify in her mind and she will really be looking forward to seeing you.
Complete “Exercise 4 - Setting a Time-Bridge” in the workbook.
21
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1
FUTURE ADVENTURE PROJECTIONS (FAPS) A Future Adventure Projection (FAP) is a fun and flirty way to build a connection with a woman. You simply tell her a funny, fictitious, over-the-top adventure you could go on together. FAPs will sound silly but they work. Why, you ask? Emotional resonance - remember that attraction is not a logical choice but an emotional process. Similarly to time-bridging, the woman can picture the two of you in the scenario and this visualization makes her see you as a cool and interesting guy with whom she can have fun. The more childish, fantastical, and playful FAPs are, the better. When can you use FAPs? Anytime you have rapport. They are usually one-offs but can also turn into role-plays and make for great callback humor. How do you do it? Take an outrageous adventure, put both of you in it, and describe the quirks and details of how it would unfold. Here are some examples: •
“I’m adopting you as my bratty little sister... We’re going to climb trees and drink KoolAid together.” (Cajun - Keys to the VIP)
•
“I can’t believe we both said penguins are our favorite animals... I’m going to rent us a cruise ship and dress you like an ice princess. We’re going to sail to the South Pole to skate with some penguins.”
Interestingly, FAPs (sometimes just called “future projections”) can also be serious - these are even more powerful when she projects the future with you. Some examples include: •
“Imagine that eight months from now we are chilling at my place watching TV, and my friends call and are like ‘We’re coming over for dinner.’ What would you cook for them?”
•
“Imagine that four months from now we are chilling at my place playing W ii, and we both get the idea to go away somewhere cool for the weekend. Just spontaneously, we’re literally going to the airport in one hour. Where would you go?”
W ith serious FAPs, the astute among you will notice elements of qualification and screening. Where the real power lies is that she has to mentally participate in the FAP which reinforces it subconsciously.
22
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 Both silly and serious FAPs are great tools to build attraction and comfort.
Complete “Exercise 5 - Future Adventure Projections” in the workbook.
HOW TO ASK HER OUT As the guy it’s your job to make the moves and that means planning. Before you ask a woman out you should have a vague idea of the kind of date you have in mind. Be sure to read the section on “Preparation and Planning” in Textbook 2: Date Preparation to help with implementing the content in this chapter. Now that you have an idea of what you want to do, you’ll need to work the phone. You want the phone call to be fun and casual with no expectations. If you run out of things to say on the phone, or if you’re not seeding dates properly, write a cheat sheet for your phone calls. Use it as a loose structure. She’ll never know, and your call will have a set structure. Here is an example of an old Love Systems cheat sheet used for calls: 1. Callback humor - “Hey, dorm nerd.” 2. Interesting story - “I invited my buddies out for wings but when we all got there it turned out to be karaoke night! I sang ‘Girls Just Want To Have Fun’ with the waitress and the owner gave us free drinks for the rest of the night.” 3. Statement of interest - “How did the big exam go?” 4. Tease - (re: exam “You are such a nerd”) 5. Comfort story - “I just had a weekly phone call with my sister. She planted a window garden and she’s going to give me vegetables when I see her - she’s crazy about this stuff.” 6. Seed - “Are you a good cook?” 7. Her logistics - “What’s your week look like?” 8. Time-bridge - “I’m having a cooking night at my place on Sunday... if not, then Tuesday.” 9. Hit and Run - Talk about classes tomorrow for a minute. 10. End - “I gotta meet my buddy for a beer.” End the conversation. A cheat sheet like this works well because you can tick off all the boxes without the nerves getting in the way during the conversation. You achieve attraction, qualification, comfort, and time-bridging all in one effective and efficient swoop.
Complete “Exercise 6 - Asking Her Out” in the workbook.
23
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1
MAINTAIN AN AURA OF INFORMALITY A date is not the precursor to your wedding. Keep them simple and don’t call them dates; simply refer to them as “hangouts” (or don’t give them a title at all and just meet up). Remember the thin-slice of a formal dinner date is that of another average guy whom she has rejected in the past. You don’t want to be slotted in that category, and one way to ensure that is by not putting too much pressure on the date by making it a big deal. Formal dates create invisible barriers between you and her despite the fact that the both of you want to relax. The frame of a formal date forces her to decide whether or not she is attracted to you. Before you’ve shown your value she will have to think about it, and the more she thinks the more she activates her logical mind - the enemy of attraction. Thinking logically kills the romantic vibe that you’ve created. This is why keeping things casual is best for the first date; save the stuff that couples do for another time. The last issue that seems to always pop up regarding formality on dates is money. You want to avoid spending too much money on the date for a few reasons - the most important being that you should save the money for when you are more invested in her and vice versa. An expensive first date may make her feel awkward, that you expect something in return, or worse, set the frame that you are trying to impress her with money. If you use your wallet as your main value proposition (instead of your cool personality and lifestyle) some women will bargain hard with you... and most will simply think that you are trying too hard. Either way, intentionally spending too much money is a losing strategy. Don’t be frugal, don’t be flagrant, but do be realistic.
Should I Pay For Her on Our First Date? T h e a n s w e r t o t h i s q u e s t i o n i s : i t d e pends. Generally, if you haven’t set the right frame for the d a t e t h e n y o u s h o u l d n ’t . I f y o u h a v e made this meeting into an extremely formal date then t h e re w i l l b e p re s s u re o n y o u t o p a y. (If you don’t, she may judge you.) If you’re in this predica m e n t y o u ’ v e m a d e a c r u c i a l m i s t a k e already by formalizing the date. If the date is just a “meet u p ” w h e re y o u g u y s a re l a u g h i n g , b eing spontaneous, and having fun, then you can say things l i k e , “ I ’ v e g o t t h i s o n e . ” I f s h e s a y s , “You sure?” then you can say, “You can get the next one,” o r “ Yo u c a n g e t t h e i c e c re a m . . . a n d by that I mean my lifetime supply of it.”
Keep the date fun and casual. This allows for her to be stimulated emotionally and enjoy the ride.
Complete “Exercise 7 - Maintaining Informality” in the workbook.
24
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1
TIME, PLACE AND DAY OF YOUR DATES When proposing your date it’s important to consider her situation as well as yours.
W ill you be able to commute in time? Does she have work that day/the next morning? Should you make it a weeknight or weekday?
Setting It Up Before you can come up with an actual game plan for your date, these factors will help with emotional momentum - there is no point in creating the negative loop of her turning you down because she is busy. Humans often make decisions based on impulse or circumstance then rationalize these decisions afterward. If you repeatedly get shut down she’ll start to rationalize you as unimportant or as a lesser priority. Likewise, the more she sees you the more she’ll rationalize you as somebody she values, especially if she arranges her schedule to accommodate you. The best nights of the week to call or go on dates are generally in this order: 1. Tuesday 2. Monday 3. Wednesday 4. Sunday 5. Thursday 6. Friday/Saturday
After you meet a woman or make a phone call, put a couple of notes in your phone about her such as if she works nights, has yoga classes on Tuesdays, etc. The more women you meet, the harder it is to remember schedules.
According to The Ultimate Guide to Text and Phone Game, the best time to call a woman is between 8 pm and 11 pm. This ensures she is settled in for the night and hopefully not preoccupied so you should have her full attention.
25
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 Going Out On The Date Even though research shows that the human sex drive is most voracious in the afternoon, social conditioning says that sex happens at night. For this reason, it is best to schedule your dates after dark (which is also practical, since she is also likely to be free at this time). We recommend that you avoid scheduling dates for Friday and Saturday nights, at least in the beginning, for a few reasons: •
These are the most social days of the week. Women, especially younger girls, will likely have plans or be out partying. You need a lot of value to trump these plans.
•
You should be out meeting other women on Friday and Saturday nights while you are still single. This helps you to maintain an abundance mentality and to maintain a social life. If you’re sitting home on Friday and Saturday nights your social life is lacking. Take a Love Systems live program to fix that first.
•
Friday and Saturday night dates set a boyfriend frame. This is why they should be reserved at least until after you’ve had sex with her. She may withhold sex longer if you are slotted as boyfriend material. You can always become her boyfriend after you sleep with her.
Again, you must calibrate your plan to each woman. A thirty-three year old executive manager may not want to drive across town on Tuesday night. She may prefer a Saturday. On the flip side, a twenty-two year old, hung over party girl is much more likely to flake on a Sunday night. Tuesday would be her night.
Complete “Exercise 8 - Time, Place and Day” in the workbook.
EMOTIONAL MOMENTUM Emotional momentum is an important concept in dating science that can either work for you or against you. When setting up a date, time is of the essence to a certain extent and it’s important to understand this if you want emotional momentum to help rather than hinder your success. Below is a word on emotional momentum between getting her phone number and going on a date as written by Love Systems President Nick Savoy in Magic Bullets: “Emotional momentum explains why most interactions need to move forward or die. You can’t
26
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 stay in any particular phase forever [of the Triad Model]. It will bore or frustrate most women. Even within a phase, you need to be moving forward...
“Say you had a great three hours meeting a woman at a party and made it all the way to the comfort phase, but the next two weeks consisted of both of you unluckily leaving messages on each other’s voicemail. You will likely lose emotional momentum and your chances with her. Emotional momentum can work against you through no fault of your own...
“Emotional momentum can also work for you. Each phase that you can smoothly pass through builds up your momentum for the next one. When a woman talks about sleeping with you and says ‘it just happened,’ that’s emotional momentum at work (and good seduction skills)... The whole process should happen quickly, not over months.”
Emotional momentum is crucial for setting up the date and a lot of the ideas we’ve discussed in this chapter. You don’t want to simply organize any old meet up; you want to set it up so that the woman is excited to see you. This kind of positive anticipation makes your work a little easier. In the next chapter, we’ll go through the various types of dates that you can set up to make the date a successful one.
27
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1
CHAPTER 3 - TYPES OF DATES In this chapter (click each one to go directly to that section): •
PRINCIPLES FOR CHOOSING DATES
•
AVOID CLICHÉS - ON BEING ORIGINAL
•
ENGAGE HER INSTINCTS
•
INSPIRE HER SENSES
•
SOCIAL CIRCLE DATE
•
“YOUR WORLD” DATE
•
HIGH VALUE DATE
•
BAR HOPPING DATE
•
SECOND DATES
There’s one classic date for most guys - dinner and a movie... also known as the chump date. The fact that you’re reading this book alone means that you are not in the category of ‘most guys.’ You want your dates to be fun, engaging, and interesting experiences that take the both of you through a myriad of emotions. In the previous chapter we discussed how to set up the date. In this chapter we’ll actually give you blueprints for great dates and provide a breakdown of how each one has its own unique set of advantages.
PRINCIPLES FOR CHOOSING DATES You should always choose your dates to work in your favor. You want locations that you are familiar with so you know the logistics as well as visiting places where you have value. This means you bring girls with you to locations where you have status and social proof already in place. Not all dates will be right for all women. If you got really far in your initial interaction you’ll
28
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 want to choose a date that is closer to your home and more intimate, although if you had to burn down a long fuse in order to get her out you will probably want a lighter date out on the town. As a rule, the more comfortable she is with you the more intimate of an environment you will want. What a short fuse girl may agree to do a long fuse girl may not and being able to make this distinction is important. Generally, it is a good idea to have at least three locations to take your date. Our memory refers to places and images, like a photo album in your mind, rather than using time as a reference. Using three date locations instead of one will make it seem as if you have spent more time together. You’ll give her more of these photo albums, which builds more comfort. This is not a hard rule as much as it is a general guideline, but your first location will likely be quick and easy, your second location needs to be a little longer with more action and conversation, and your third location will be a quick bounce before going back to your place. You’ll notice a common theme in the dates we recommend below - you and her are not the main focus of the date. There will often be an activity at the center of the date that alleviates the pressure to perform while still allowing you the ability to interact - the perfect compromise. The secret is that you’ll be in situations where you’re comfortable interacting.
AVOID CLICHÉS - ON BEING ORIGINAL Back in the day, the classic dinner and movie combination was not a bad idea. In itself, sitting down for a proper meal and enjoying some entertainment on the town was probably a good night... in the 1950s. These days, what you’re actually buying at the movies is a ticket to the friend zone. And trains don’t come back from the friend zone - it’s a one-way ticket. Cliché dates represent the terrible thin-slice of every guy who has lacked creativity and preselection as a result. Most women have been out for gallons of coffee, barrels of popcorn and endless boring interviews over plates of soggy spaghetti. The guys who have taken them on these dates are too needy to take the risk of trying something new so they opt for the road a million times traveled - showing their lack of understanding of women in the process. These types of dates are not conducive to sleeping with the woman quickly because they set the frames that you are: •
A provider (not a lover).
•
A typical guy, like the last hundred she’s now not with.
•
Trying to win her over (giving her the upper hand).
29
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 Ideally, when the woman meets with her best friend the night after your date and she can’t wait to tell her about the fun and interesting night (and likely the following morning too) - that’s a solid indication of a good date. You should strive to make it memorable.
ENGAGE HER INSTINCTS In the days of cavemen, associating sensual experiences with emotions was critical for survival. If you saw a saber-toothed tiger mauling an antelope, you would attach the sight of those sharp teeth to the emotion of danger. Every time you saw large, sharp teeth thereafter, you would get the physiological response of a heart rate spike and the fight or flight reaction.
Each sense engages her in a unique way. Smell is the strongest sense tied to memory. Sight can often inspire. Sound creates excitement or calm; so does touch. Taste can linger, if extreme.
Women have ten times the emotional resonance men do, so what may seem trivial or odd to a man can echo volumes for a woman. Pay attention to what stimulates emotion in the women you date.
Here are some good examples of sensual dates: Museums - Museums host exhibits and displays to talk about and to stir her senses. Different museums conjure different emotions. A modern art museum may inspire whimsy or rejuvenation. She will be relaxed. A natural history museum or antique museum will engage her imagination. She will envision how the items were used and picture herself in the context of using them. She will remember these images and tie emotion to them through you. It’s a sense of fantasy she doesn’t experience in everyday life, and leaves room for instinct over logic. Zoos and Aquariums - Zoos and aquariums tap into the instinctual triggers. After all, if it wasn’t for social conditioning, we’d be running around fulfilling our primal urges. This is a good thing and a bad thing - good because we need restraints in our society, but bad because most of the time people find it difficult to relax and be their true selves. A date at a zoo gives the feeling of freedom and escape from normality because it lets a woman feel in touch with her feminine core, free from care, worry, or the societal rules that bind her. Cooking Class - Appeasing the appetite has a sexual appeal anchored to the taste buds and lips. For this sense, you’ll want her to help create an experience out of a culinary date. Learn a
30
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 uniquely tasting recipe or two that you can teach her how to make. If your recipe is something new to her or a specific dish, you will get the credit as the man who enriched her life with something new. (Bonus points for ethnic dishes that can teach her about your heritage.) This powerful date touches on her nurturing instincts. If you’re less than apt in the kitchen, take her out for ice cream and try a new flavor. Desserts also work well since women associate sweet foods with indulging and “being naughty.”
Complete “Exercise 9 - Sensual Dates Ideas” in the workbook.
INSPIRE HER SENSES TO INSPIRE HER MIND A simple way to inspire her senses is by anchoring her experience with you to a sense. You can often slip one of these into an activity on your date, and your date will enjoy the experience of being stimulated in an interesting way.
These are often little asides that should blend in with the overarching principle of your date. You shouldn’t have to go out of your way just to create an anchoring experience or it may seem forced or a little weird to her.
Cologne/Aftershave Shopping - Get a woman to go shopping for cologne or aftershave with you as part of your date. Try out a few different kinds and select the one you like best after some input from her. (Don’t buy something you don’t want.) Credit her for helping you pick it and wear it the next time you see her. Since smell and memory are linked, she will be reminded of the great date you took her on every time you wear that cologne.
Musical Memory - The brain is predisposed to like rhythm and rhyme. Before our ancestors had paper and pens, history and knowledge filtered down through songs and chants so it’s primal to have music in your head. If you can introduce a woman to a new band or song, particularly one that is your favorite, she will think of you every time that it is played. You can do this by explaining what a song means to you or by creating a husband/wife role-play with “your song.” Music has meaning, so make sure to let her know why you like the music you do.
Complete “Exercise 10 - Inspiring Her Senses” in the workbook.
31
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1
SOCIAL CIRCLE DATE The social circle date can make your evening easy, if you have the social life to back it. For example, if you know of a cool party going on, or have a friend who is hosting a special event, it’s usually advantageous to bring the girl along. Social circle dates give you social proof in spades and take the pressure off of you to engage her the entire time. The other gem of social circle dates is that they let you introduce the girl to your friends. This automatically sets the frame that you are together and familiarizes her with the high value people you hang out with. That being said, social circle dates should have a mix of guys and girls, not just your boys. You can actually throw some elements of social circle dates into the other types of dates. For example, you may be on a bar hopping date and spontaneously decide to stop by a friend’s house. You don’t even need a good reason for dropping by - having something you promised to drop off and saying hello in the process is totally fine. Just make it part of the adventure. As a golden rule, make sure the people in your social circle radiate positive thin-slices. Don’t worry if it isn’t full of the coolest people, but do ensure they won’t embarrass you or lower her perception of you. Social circle dates are fantastic, but they have advantages and disadvantages you’ll want to consider: Advantages: •
Built-in social proof
•
Creates a vibe of togetherness
•
Makes it easy to lead
•
Your value is built in
•
She can see your social intuition (a powerful attraction switch)
Disadvantages: •
Can be hard to get her out on this date without enough rapport beforehand
•
Escalation may be difficult
•
Location bouncing can be difficult depending on the event
Setting it up: Focus on the event you are attending, talk about the cool people who are going and, in a
32
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 teasing voice, say: “I’m going to introduce you to some of my best friends. I think they’ll like you, so no creepy girl behavior,” or “My friend Anna is having a party this Friday. Her parties are legendary but I need somebody on my arm who looks good because I dress better than everybody else.” (Notice the “legendary” upsell.)
As mentioned before, you can also pretend to spontaneously remember to go to a friend’s place and drop in for a minute during the date.
Example: For a first date, Craig took Amanda to his buddy’s acoustic gig at a bar downtown. Since he established rapport with Amanda the night he met her, he knew she would be comfortable enough with him to meet one on one. She was also an artsy type, so not only was music a mutual interest, it would also be sensual for them to listen to music together.
She agreed to meet at Craig’s place downtown. They grabbed a quick drink before the gig at a nearby pub. Craig made sure to time the venue change so that his buddy was on stage moments after they got there.
Upon arriving, Craig introduced Amanda as his “friend” to his buddies and their girlfriends who also came to watch. Amanda fit well into the relaxed atmosphere of the group, which gave Craig credibility.
Craig focused on talking about relevant, fun things with his cool friends. While talking though, he would periodically put his hand on Amanda’s leg beneath the table and even whispered in her ear that it would be “bad news” for her if his friends weren’t there.
One of his buddies asked about his recent trip to Los Angeles, so Craig made a throwaway comment to Amanda that he would have to show her photos from the trip sometime. As the gig ended, Craig paid, grabbed Amanda by the hand and gave her a kiss at the door.
Things were really on.
While grabbing a hot chocolate on the way back to Craig’s place, he mentioned the L.A. photos again. Amanda came up to his place and they sipped hot chocolate while looking through the photos on Craig’s bed.
33
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 Craig’s date ran smoothly because he had a solid game plan and followed the Eight Commandments from Chapter 1. He kept the date informal and fun, spiked attraction, handled logistics in advance, physically escalated, sexualized and planted the seed before pulling her home. To guys, this is solid game. To girls, it is a fun night before sex ‘just happened.’
Complete “Exercise 11 - Social Circle Dates” in the workbook.
“YOUR WORLD” DATE This date is similar to a social circle date but with one subtle difference - you are the main focus of the social circle event instead of your friends’ social proof. The important thing is to end the date in a romantic context. If you live a hectic lifestyle, this date can fit into your already busy schedule. The most powerful Your World dates relate to your greater purpose in life. Showing purpose and drive adds credibility to your character, which makes it easier for a woman to envision herself with you. As a result, this builds massive comfort because she doesn’t need to test that you are congruent to your first impression. If your lifestyle forces you into afternoon or daytime dates, the Your World date utilizes your already busy day and eliminates the trials of drawing a date from scratch. Advantages: •
Sets you up as the focus of the date, making you the selector
•
Seeing you do something you are competent at is attractive
•
Allows her to see the interesting lifestyle you live
•
Easy to entertain
Disadvantages: •
Locations aren’t always close to your place
•
Variables aren’t always in your control (event length, run time, etc.)
•
Mutual schedules can be difficult
•
Pressure to perform
34
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 Setting it up: How you pre-frame this date depends on how intense you plan to make it. If the whole date revolves around your world, you should emphasize what makes the event important rather than what makes it cool. The former displays your passion and that you would like her to be part of it, whereas the latter is showing her how cool your life is, i.e. more attraction spiking than comfort building. Ideally, she wonders about your world and she will want to peek into it. Examples: Mark the Real Estate Agent •
Mark is a real estate agent specializing in expensive downtown condos. This job revolves around his clients’ schedules, thus his plans are never set in stone.
He runs open houses for these condos on weekends, so sometimes he stops by them during the week to drop things off... see any potential yet? For a Your World date he invites girls to these penthouse condos and shows them jaw-dropping, panoramic views of the city that they have never seen.
This multi-tasking saves him a trip downtown during the day and it shows the access his job gives him. Underneath it all, his dates see that he is dedicated to his passion and selling expensive real estate, consequently he is granted unique access and opportunities.
He uses date locations like these as quick bounces between having a drink and heading to an event or back to his place. If nothing else, the girl always remembers the date and this makes him stand out, increasing the likelihood of another date if he doesn’t sleep with her that night.
Gordie the Hockey Player •
Gordie plays hockey and sometimes drops his skates off for sharpening while on a date. He’ll then invite the girl to a game he is playing later in the week, and she’ll often bring a friend along to watch. After the game he credits his performance to having well-sharpened skates, which makes the girl feel like a part of his success. This actually achieves two things; it turns his mundane task into a huge comfort builder plus she now gets to show off this high value guy to her friend. In his date’s mind a stronger connection is built.
35
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 Colin the Naval Engineer •
Colin works as a naval engineer and takes girls to his office after hours. This office happens to be on a battleship - not your average date. As with all visitors he must sign the girl into the naval base, which has the element of exclusivity that women love. He then conducts a tour of the ship’s exciting areas, kisses her like in the movie T itanic, and finishes off with a drink in the officer’s lounge before showing her his bunk. In his bunk, there are pictures of him with dignitaries or helping children overseas. Often, the sailors he supervises will salute him, which only further builds his prestige and status.
Complete “Exercise 12 - Your World Dates” in the workbook.
HIGH VALUE DATE The best way to describe a high value date is that by the end of it you should feel like you are “the man.” This type of date gives you social proof at every turn and it is a superior way to show a woman your value. A great example is taking her to a bar where you know everyone - from the bartenders to the doormen - and these employees give you social proof. For this type of date to be successful however, you need to befriend the staff enough to give you social proof when you take a date there. Another option can be inviting her along to activities at which you excel. For example, are you a good singer? Take her to karaoke. Do you manage your own office? Take her to a company party. Go where you will have high value in all situations. W ith this date your success and the direction your date takes you is determined by the venues and activities that give you high value. You will know you’re doing well when she says: “You know everyone, don’t you?” Advantages: •
The status attraction switch gets flipped often, meaning you do less work.
•
You are automatically placed in the selector role.
•
Your actions during the activity require minimal though because you are expert at them (thus you have more headspace for handling logistics and progressing emotionally and physically).
36
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 Disadvantages: •
It takes time, patronage and experience to build up social proof at venues.
•
Your activities may not be right for every girl.
Setting it up: •
A high value date should appear as though you didn’t try too hard in planning the date, yet expect to be treated as a high value person wherever you go. By the end, she should assume that people generally react well to you. Instead of telling her that you’ve been working the venues around town to gain social proof, just say that you know a “little place” or “cool spot” that you’d like to show her because of a unique feature (maybe the cool atmosphere, a delicious signature cocktail, or that it has an interesting story behind it). Remember - you know that you are going to have high value on this date, but she won’t know that until she is out with you.
Example: •
Evan has a high value date that works really well for him. His first location was the local ice cream shop, which is great since it is low commitment and most guys wouldn’t think of doing a fun activity like that for a date. He goes for ice cream a few times per week so even if he had no date the college girls who work there know him well (this gives him pre-selection). Evan then drops by his buddy’s shoe store that’s “on the way” as his second stop. While showing his date a pair of running shoes he ordered, his buddy would talk up Evan to the girl (a classic wing move that lets your friend DHV you in a way that is stronger than you telling her yourself). For a final location, Evan visits his favorite pub - a rowdy spot where he shoots pool with his buddy a couple days each week. By doing this, he got to know all of the staff including the manager, a flamboyant gay guy who greets him with a hug and talks him up in a way that only a gay guy could. It would always be a huge DHV when the manager gave Evan and his date free drinks before they even grabbed a seat - often ambling through the crowd to bring the drinks over personally. Evan makes sure to greet some of the regular crowd and, if it isn’t too busy, he shoots some pool with his date before heading back to his place. Notice the theme of multiple venues that all these guys who are having successful dates are using?
Complete “Exercise 13 - High Value Dates” in the workbook.
37
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1
BAR HOPPING DATE The name says it all. This date is ideal for short fuses or women who are really into you. It’s also handy for second dates when you don’t think she’s quite ready to chill out at your place. You can playfully pre-frame the date as you taking her on a tour of your favorite bars and lounges - the catch is that you will only keep moving forward if she is fun enough (you can actually couple this with some elements of the high value date too). She will likely test your frame and say: “I think it’s the other way around.” Be ready to answer with: “Great, then you can buy the first round.” It makes no sense, but it’s your attractive reactiveness that makes it work. By purchasing the first round of drinks at your request, she passively (or sometimes actively) accepts that you are the selector. The beauty of this frame is that she’ll be distracted from the fact that you are both getting tipsy together before heading to your place, all while she works to impress you. The bar hopping date runs smoother if you are a regular at the venues and know the staff (as a bonus, you may be surprised at how often a woman will embrace this date in order to justify sex as her accidentally having “too much to drink”). Advantages: •
Relieves inhibitions quite easily - alcohol is a social lubricant.
•
Works well as a second date.
•
The cost is evenly split through alternating drink rounds.
•
Social proof at venues, if you have it, raises your value.
Disadvantages: •
You must be a good conversationalist.
•
Hard to do if one of you has work the next day.
•
Women sometimes don’t want three or four drinks on a first date.
•
Not ideal if you have to drive.
•
Last location may not be near your place.
38
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1 Setting it up: Being semi-ambiguous is key due to the fact that not all women will agree to a date focused on getting drunk. The best way to tell her is that you’d like to start with a drink and if things go well then you will have something fun planned. She’ll feel the cognitive dissonance of hanging out with you versus getting drunk on a date. Tell her, “Bring a jacket and some comfortable shoes, and I’ll take care of the rest.” Example: Dean often starts this date by meeting at his place (he lives near public transit, so he tells his date to bring her car). After meeting up, Dean and his date head to a quiet corner pub for a beer, followed by an Irish pub where they do some whiskey shots and watch a Celtic band. If his date is having fun, she may even offer to buy the second round of shots at her choosing (always a good sign). As a final stop, they hit a classy wine bar down the street from Dean’s place. Often, Dean says something along the lines of the wine being too strong for another glass and recommends they head back to his place for some red or white wine. Alternatively, if he knew his date had to drive that night or work the next day, he instead grabs a coffee on the way back to his place. Inviting her in for a coffee can be a clichéd sex move; a smoother way is inviting her to see his balcony view.
Complete “Exercise 14 - Bar Hopping Dates” in the workbook. As a disclaimer, Love Systems absolutely does not advocate getting girls drunk in order to sleep with them. (That plan will probably have the opposite effect actually.) The key here is that you are both having a good time drinking together, and the fact that alcohol is a social lubricant is secondary. Sane, grounded women will not get excessively drunk on these dates, and women who do usually turn out to be unattractive or insecure - i.e. bad news. Fun first, drinking second.
39
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 1
SECOND DATES A second date may be needed to sleep with a girl sometimes. It really depends on her blueprint. The most important thing to understand if you are on a second date is that she is into you, no doubt about it. You just need to keep finding commonalities, building investment, and maintain a sexual vibe. What does this mean? You need to focus more on each other and less on the attraction-based dates above. A smart move is to keep second dates low-key, which also sets the frame that you are not going to be taking her out on lavish dates every time you hang out - dates such as the social circle date work well to achieve this. Cooking dates can increase her investment if she brings items over or even makes you dinner at your place, but realize that this can also set the relationship frame.
Love Systems Lead Instructor Tenmagnet created the “call and cancel” technique for low-key second dates. Here’s how you do it: Set up one of the dates above as a second date. Call the girl a few hours before the date and tell her that you’re tired, and then you can suggest ordering pizza and renting a movie instead. You never have to leave the house and it’s a spontaneous move. This works for two reasons; the first is that usually by the second date the woman’s guard will be down against this type of date. Secondly, if she agrees she knows what’s up, plus you have plausible deniability for inviting her over. If she has an objection, just tell her you will go out after the movie.
Complete “Exercise 15 – Second Dates” in the workbook. For most guys, there’s one type of date - and it usually doesn’t end in sex. The types of dates listed above will have different appeals to you based on your identity, schedule, and lifestyle. Maybe you enjoy 1-on-1 time and would rather do that than introduce her to your friends, or maybe you want to show off your social life if you’re confident you can pull off a social circle date. Practice with all of these; they all work and can help make the date a successful one.
40
