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Hey guys,"
"
Congratulations on purchasing this book. I’ve put a lot of time and effort into perfecting Tinder, so you do not have to. From all of the books I’ve reviewed and advice I’ve heard, this is the most comprehensive, easyto-understand guide available anywhere about meeting girls on Tinder. If there’s anything you still have questions on, send me an email at
[email protected]. I’ll happily respond." Also, visit conquerdatingapps.com/bonuses to get access to several interviews I’ve had about Tinder that go even more in depth, to get access to my private Facebook group where I give advice to everyone with a Tinder-related question, and to be the first one to get access to my “Tinder Ninja App,” an app that does almost all of the Tinder work for you."
"
Chris" chrisharders.com
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For my new friend Theresa," Thanks for the support."
And away we go…
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About This Book"
5"
What Is Tinder?"
6"
Why Girls Use Tinder"
6"
How to Conquer Tinder..."
7"
Your Profile"
8"
The Pictures"
10"
The First Picture"
10"
The Next Pictures"
11"
What I Learned About Pictures"
11"
Pictures I Use for Tinder"
13"
The Duds that Just Missed the Cut"
18"
Matching"
28"
Messaging"
29"
It’s a Match!"
29"
Your First Message to Her"
31"
The Early Tinder Conversation"
32"
The Extra Letter"
36"
The Dash"
37"
Lack of Capitalization"
38"
Setting Up the Date"
38"
Getting Her Number"
41"
Once You Get Her Number"
43"
Building More Rapport"
43"
Confirming the Date"
44"
Actual Tinder Conversations"
46"
Isabel"
47"
Sonya"
50"
Olivia"
54"
Britt"
60"
Mary"
64"
Conclusion"
67
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About This Book! It’s funny. I did not plan to write this playbook about Tinder. All I cared about was getting good with Tinder and having even more access to beautiful women. I decided to write this playbook after I had enough back and forth discussions in person, over text, and in dating forums to realize that my excitement and eagerness to excel at Tinder turned me into an expert with gaming on this new medium, or playground as I like to think of Tinder. I put this playbook together in my spare time. I really just made it for a few friends and wings to have as a reference for their own dating success. After some really positive feedback and from friends’ successes, I’ve decided to make my advice on Tinder available to everyone." I call this guide a “playbook” because I look at Tinder as a fun game. I found that the more fun I had texting these girls, the quicker we wound up meeting in person where the real fun began..." This playbook will cover everything you need to know about how to create an attractive Tinder profile and how to move Tinder conversations to actual dates fast. First, I give an overview of what Tinder is and how to set up your profile. Next, I give an overview of how to chat on Tinder to be more fun and a strategy to move the conversation toward an actual in person date. Finally, I give you 5 full length message threads that started on Tinder and ended with me and her meeting up in person on a date. I provide a line-by-line breakdown of EVERY message I send because I want all of the messages to make complete sense to you." I’ve had a lot of laughs over the things that I’ve texted girls to test what would work and what would not work on Tinder. I’ll be the first to admit that I was really bad when I first started using Tinder. The initial failure inspired me to work even harder to make everything work perfectly. Fortunately, you do not have to make the same mistakes I did. I have provided examples—from start to finish—of every line of messaging I used to meet several different girls on dates from Tinder. What I learned from all the conversations I had was that a lot of the lines in one Tinder conversation could be used word-for-word in another Tinder conversation. When I realized the conversation could be used again and again, my success skyrocketed. Start with the examples I provide to save yourself the pain of the learning curve. Let’s get you quick results!"
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What Is Tinder?! All of this talk about Tinder, and I still haven’t said what it is. Let’s change that..." Tinder is a dating app that links to your Facebook profile to connect you with people nearby. The app shows the user pictures of people nearby also on Tinder. If two users tell Tinder they like each other, Tinder lets them know. If the users want, they can message each other and maybe even meet up. The app is simple to set up and fun to use. A lot of hot girls are using the app because of the simplicity and fun. Tinder has been described as the hook up app." While I have personally met girls off of Tinder down to hook up on the spot, Tinder is no longer a hook up app. In fact, Tinder is actually having an odd identity crisis. Tinder is not online dating, but it pairs people that like each other together. I say Tinder is not a hook up app because the app has gone viral. There are a lot of people logging into Tinder just to see what all the fuss is about. Unfortunately, Tinder is not Grindr for the heterosexual community, but Tinder is a very good tool to find attractive women nearby to meet up with and run your game on."
Why Girls Use Tinder! Every time I go on a date with a girl I meet on Tinder, I ask why she uses Tinder. The answer is overwhelmingly simple: “It’s fun.” Girls are not using Tinder as a dating app; if they want to date, they will join Match.com or OKCupid. They are also not using it to hook up... generally. Most girls are treating Tinder like the next Candy Crush or Angry Birds app. Tinder is a way to pass the time that is dynamic enough to keep them interested. With the user-to-user interaction, girls do not lose interest as quickly as other apps. I laugh sometimes when I watch girls use the app then act confused when the guy they are messaging asks to meet up. “What kind of girl does he think I am? I don’t just meet guys I don’t know.” In my head, I’m laughing but I understand why the girls think the way they do. At the same time the girls are misusing the app. I also laugh because I think of the number of times I’ve heard a girl tell me “You are the first guy I’ve seen from Tinder,” and I wonder what part of the messaging the guy made a mistake on." Tinder is literally a way for many girls to pass time. I watch as girls use Tinder. The amount of mindlessness and randomness associated with Page 6 of 67
who they choose and why used to baffle me. Girls generally have no idea of why they pick one hot guy while rejecting another. All I know is that— while attractive enough— I’m not nearly as hot as some of the other guys messaging her on Tinder. Also, looks are overrated. Girls are not using Tinder to just pick hot guys. They are using it to have fun. Whoever is most fun wins. That’s what I’m going to show you."
How to Conquer Tinder...! To conquer Tinder, follow the strategy I developed from a lot of failures followed by a lot of successes. You need the right look, the right messaging, and a willingness to give these tips and tricks a chance. Keep reading. You are on your way to filling your schedule with more dates than you’ll know what to do with.
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Your Profile! When I saw how Tinder differed from the regular dating sites, I was so excited. No “About Me” section, no 1,000 word minimum description. Tinder seemed simple. I knew girls would love it. Girls didn’t want to answer a million and a half questions about themselves to find a match and neither did I. I knew there would be some difference between Tinder and other dating sites, and I was excited to figure it out..." First thing is first. Before I could get my Tinder game good, I needed to make sure the girls would want to see me. I reviewed the pictures Tinder pulled off my Facebook: 3 pictures in a row of me at a club with a different girl in each photo, a picture with me in a group of friends where it was hard to see who I was, and a picture where I was wearing an outfit I wouldn’t wish upon a homeless person... Yikes!! If I ever wanted a girl to like me, I was going to need to improve my profile. So I put in some great shots of myself—head shot quality. But there were not too many more responses than before. One day while on a date with a girl I met a few hours earlier, she wanted us to be silly, and we took pictures of each other doing karate kicks. She uploaded my picture to Facebook. I watched as that picture received more likes and comments on my Facebook wall than any other picture I’d posted in the past few months. I turned that into my Profile picture on Facebook, and I received even more likes and comments. Then, I put the picture on my Tinder account. The number of matches I had went through the roof!! I realized, girls don’t need me to look cool... They needed me to be fun! Why are they on Facebook? Why are they on a knock-off dating app? After I made this realization, my matches went through the roof. I employed a few tricks I learned from internet dating experience on how to choose pictures, and I was on fire. Now, it’s your turn..." Let’s get you looking good. Tinder’s set up is amazing. There are 8 things a girl can see on your Tinder profile:" 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.
Your first name" Your age" Your distance from her" Last time you logged in" Shared interests" Friends in common" Your tagline" Your pictures" Page 8 of 67
Of those, the only items you have real control over are your tagline and your pictures. (There is a way to also change your age if you want to gain or shed a few years, but that gets complicated fast.) Now, the tagline is where you can say something about yourself, and pictures are where you show yourself off. After trying a lot of cool fun and clever items to include in my tagline with no real difference in results, I was enlightened to the inner workings of the female mind when I watch girl after girl use a similar selection process to pick guys she liked. I discovered the tagline was almost useless. Girls spend at most a few seconds on any one person’s profile, and I have yet to hear a girl say that a guy was a winner because of his tagline (though I have heard the opposite). I have only heard the tagline hurting the guy’s chance of meeting the girl when he says something that the girl does not understand or thinks is weird. I leave the tagline blank. You should too. There is nothing you can say in that tiny box that will win the girl’s interest that quality pictures cannot accomplish. Plus, who wants to read when they are trying to have fun, right?? A picture is worth a thousand words. Forget about the 5 words for the tagline, and let’s help you choose some good pictures."
"
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The Pictures! You want your profile to be catchy and attractive to women, so they are interested in meeting you. As pictures are 95-100% of a Tinder user’s sorting criteria, you want your pictures to encapsulate a variety of attractive qualities including: fun, caring, social, friendly, desired by other women, worldly, intelligent. So, in the 4 or 5 pictures you post, you want to have a variety of pictures:"
• •
Picture of you having fun" Picture of you with a beautiful girl (do NOT show the two of you kissing; her kissing you on the cheek is allowable but not recommended)" • Picture of you with family" • Picture of you at a foreign location" • Picture with you and animals (And I mean cute furry animals. No scary animals. Only cute furry animals. You may love your snake and know a few girls that like snakes, but to get mass appeal, stick to dogs, cats, bunnies, and pandas)" • Picture of you on an adventure (hiking, skiing, waterskiing, scuba diving)" • Picture of you with your shirt off at the beach or a pool, if you are in great shape" All of these pictures should have you with the biggest smile you can possibly have on your face, so girls know you are a great and fun person. You should be well groomed with a good hair style. You want to be dressed well. If you are not dressed well, do not include the picture. In the next section, I give examples from pictures I am actually using on my profile. I include descriptions of what makes the pictures good and what could be improved. Then, I show below pictures I haven’t used in my profile and explain why they weren’t winners. Also note, if you are in doubt of whether or not a picture is good, it is likely bad. You want ONLY good pictures. It’s better to have 3 solid pictures than 3 solid pictures and 1 dud. That dud will set you back significantly."
The First Picture! The featured picture is by far the most important picture you can possibly choose on Tinder. Over half the girls using Tinder will determine whether they like you off the first picture alone!! The first picture HAS TO be FUNNNN!! Save the expensive headshots and shirtless pics and pics with Page 10 of 67
you and celebrities for the next few slots. This is where you get a major leg up over everyone else she sees on Tinder. She is using the app for fun, so you want to be the fun she is looking for. The picture should have a good shot of your face and should be an “action shot,” so to speak. It is you doing something alone or with other people that looks fun, high energy, and dynamic. My profile picture is on the next page. You must be sure that your face is also visible in the profile picture. While the picture should show you being fun, it also needs to show you."
The Next Pictures! You want to stack your photos after this to give as many different elements to your profile as quickly as possible for the girl. One mistake I made when first using Tinder is having multiple pictures in a row of me at clubs. In one pic, I was by myself. In another, I was with a girl. In another, I was with friends. The setting never changed though, so girls all thought I was just a “club guy.” Make each picture different from the last. If the first is high energy with lots of people, the second should be more calm of you with a cool backdrop or with some friends or family. Head shots are so overdone that I would not show one of those until Picture 3 or later. Girls want uniqueness. The same gets boring quickly. As long as each picture builds a new element to your character, you are doing great. Save a pic of you with no shirt or in the gym for spot 4 or 5. The girl should get a good idea of you being a fun, social, friendly, family-oriented, relaxed, high energy, adrenaline loving guy before she sees that you are also jacked out of your mind. If you aren’t jacked out of your mind, no worries. You are like me. No shirtless pictures."
What I Learned About Pictures! So I picked out the best pictures I possibly could, put them together, and watched my results skyrocket. I told my wing in New York what I was doing. He said, “That’s sic! What do you think of this picture for me?” He sent me a picture of him and a gorgeous Latina dancing at a salsa dancing competition." “Nice!” I said, “Make sure to crop it so it’s just you and her in it. Otherwise, girls will get confused which one is you.”" My wing agreed. “Think girls will care if I have another girl in the shot?”"
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“Care??” I said. “They’ll love it. What better way to use pre-selection? Plus, your dance floor game is insane. May as well give them a taste ahead of time.”" And that’s how I got more girls than ever liking mine and my wing’s profile.
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Pictures I Use for Tinder!
" PICTURE 1: THIS IS MY MAIN PIC. IT IS AN ACTION PIC. IT DEMONSTRATES I AM FUN. ADDITIONALLY, I AM WELL-DRESSED. A SMILE ON MY FACE WOULD IMPROVE THIS PIC. THE NUMBER OF GIRLS THAT TURNED DOWN A SHIRTLESS RIPPED DUDE TO GO OUT WITH ME BECAUSE I AM “FUN” IN A PICTURE BLOWS MY MIND. LOOKS LIKE CYNDI LAUPER WAS RIGHT... GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN.
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" PICTURE 2: THIS IS ALSO ON MY PROFILE. I AM WITH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AT A CLUB (SOCIAL PERSON WITH SOCIAL PROOF) AND AM WELL-DRESSED. A BIGGER GRIN WOULD HAVE MADE THIS PIC BETTER.
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" PICTURE 3: I USE THIS PICTURE OF ME WITH MY FAMILY IN A FOREIGN LOCATION TO SHOW I TRAVEL AND HAVE A FAMILY. I AM SMILING, WHICH IS GREAT. THE SHIRT I AM WEARING WILL ALSO BUILD COMFORT BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE I MIGHT WORK WITH THE SPECIAL OLYMPICS.
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" PICTURE 4: ANOTHER PICTURE OF ME WITH A BACKGROUND THAT SHOWS I TRAVEL. THE JACKET LOOKS GOOD AND SO DOES MY HAIR. THE SMILE IS GOOD. A BIGGER SMILE WOULD MAKE IT BETTER.
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" PICTURE 5: THIS PICTURE SHOWS ME WITH BEAUTIFUL WOMEN AND FRIENDS. IT BUILDS SOCIAL VALUE AND PRE-SELECTION. WE’RE ALSO AT A CLUB, WHICH SHOWS WE HAVE A GOOD TIME.
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The Duds that Just Missed the Cut!
" PICTURE 6: ME IN THE OUTDOORS. THIS SHOWS I AM ADVENTUROUS. UNFORTUNATELY, MY BODY IS NOT UP TO PAR FOR A SHIRTLESS PIC, AND THE SHAVED HEAD DOESN'T LOOK GOOD ON ME. A SHAME. THIS COULD HAVE BEEN GREAT.
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" PICTURE 7: ME PERFORMING STAND UP COMEDY. THE SMILE IS FANTASTIC, AND THE ACTION IS ATTRACTIVE. HAVING THE SIGN IN THE BACKGROUND MORE VISIBLE WOULD BE VERY HELPFUL, SO WOMEN KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING. WHAT KILLS THE PHOTO IS MY FASHION SENSE. IT IS TERRIBLE.
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"
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PICTURE 8: ME WITH ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. THE MAIN PROBLEM IS HOW PALE THE FLASH MAKES ME LOOK. NOT ATTRACTIVE. ADDITIONALLY, I ALREADY HAVE A PHOTO OF ME WITH A GIRL. ONE PHOTO WITH A GIRL IS FINE, ANY MORE AND YOU LOOK LIKE A PLAYER. GIRLS DON'T LIKE PLAYERS. THEY LIKE SUAVE SOCIAL CALIBRATED GUYS.
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" PICTURE 9: ME WITH MY FAMILY. AN AMAZING PICTURE IF... I DIDN'T HAVE ON THAT BELT, SUNGLASSES, A TUCKED IN V-NECK. MY HAIR IS MISSING PRODUCT TOO.
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"
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PICTURE 10: MY SISTER AND I AT HER GRADUATION. AGAIN, POOR FASHION AND BAD HAIR IS PRIMARY CULPRIT. ADDITIONALLY, ANOTHER PICTURE WITH A GIRL IS UNNECESSARY. JUST BECAUSE I KNOW SHE'S MY SISTER DOESN'T MEAN EVERYONE ELSE KNOWS.
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" PICTURE 11: ANOTHER GIRL PIC. NO NEED TO LOOK LIKE A PLAYER. PLUS, I'M NOT MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH CAMERA, AND YOU CANNOT TELL HOW ATTRACTIVE THE GIRL IS BASED ON HOW SHE BLOCKS HER FACE. THE BACKGROUND IS NOT GOOD EITHER.
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" PICTURE 12: I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS PHOTO EXCEPT FOR... HOW FAR BACK I AM IN THE PHOTO. IT SHOWS I'M FUN AND HAVE FRIENDS AND GO OUT. PLUS, I'M WEARING A GREAT SHIRT AND HAVE GREAT HAIR. IF SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHO I AM BECAUSE OF WHERE I'M STANDING, THERE'S NO POINT. ZOOMING THIS PHOTO, SO I’M MORE VISIBLE WAS MY ATTEMPT TO REMEDY THE PROBLEM. THE PICTURE WAS TOO BLURRY WHEN IT WAS ZOOMED IN ENOUGH TO DISTINCTLY KNOW WHO I WAS. ONE OTHER INTERESTING CONCEPT THAT YOU’LL NEVER HEAR ANY OTHER INTERNET DATING EXPERT GIVE ADVICE ON IS... YOU DON’T WANT TO POST PHOTOS ONLINE WHEN SOMEONE ELSE IN THE PHOTO IS MUCH BETTER LOOKING THAN YOU. EVEN IF YOU ARE FAIRLY GOOD LOOKING, THE CONTRAST BETWEEN THE PERSON YOU’RE WITH AND YOU WILL MAKE YOU APPEAR LESS ATTRACTIVE THAN YOU ACTUALLY ARE. IN THIS PHOTO, TWO OF THE GUYS ARE UNDENIABLY MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN ME (BOTH HAVE BETTER FACIAL STRUCTURES AND ARE MORE FIT). IF I CHOSE THIS PHOTO, GIRLS WOULD NOT KNOW WHICH PERSON I WAS. EVEN IF A COOL ATTRACTIVE PHOTO, WHO’S THE GIRL GOING TO WANT? THE MODEL-ESQUE GUY OR THE AVERAGE LOOKING FRIEND NEXT TO THE MODEL? ALL OTHER THINGS BEING EQUAL, SHE WOULD PREFER THE MODEL. THE AMOUNT OF WEIRDNESS THAT HAPPENS OVER TEXT WHEN SHE STARTS CONFIRMING WHICH GUY YOU ARE IN THE PHOTO IS A PAIN TO DEAL WITH.
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" PICTURE 13: I WISH I COULD HAVE USED THIS PHOTO. IT SHOWS I AM PHYSICALLY ACTIVE AND A RISK TAKER. THE SMILE IS GOOD TOO. A BETTER BACKGROUND WITH MOUNTAIN IN VIEW, A BETTER SHIRT, AND BETTER HAIR WOULD HAVE MADE THIS PICTURE PERFECT.
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Matching! When I was done fixing up my profile, the fun really took off. I started picking girls I liked and turning down girls I didn’t like, and the selection process was fun... for about 10 minutes. Then, my ADD and FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) kicked in. I’m not patient. I like results, and I like them as quickly as possible. Some people enjoy the excitement of seeing who they like and who likes them back. (Most girls do.) I on the other hand am a little more impatient. In fact, I’m not only impatient, but I’m actually nervous that there is a girl nearby that may be further down in my Tinder queue that’s just the look I want, and by the time I get to her, she will have had too many creepy guys (who have no clever messaging strategy other than to spam “Nice tits” and “You’re hot” and “Hey cutie”) scare her off, and she’ll delete her account before I ever get the chance to game her." Yes, I realize my FOMO is ridiculous, but it drove me to develop this matching strategy to save myself time and headaches, so I could do the best possible job I could to maximize my matches…" The hot-or-not selecting process is what makes Tinder so addicting. Women log on and mindlessly look at pictures and swipe right (accept) or left (reject) to pick guys they like. You are more than welcome to do this. I do not have any advice on how you should pick girls you want. There is no game tactic to accepting or rejecting a girl. Personally, I don’t have time for the traditional filtering process people use on Tinder. I’m too busy with business and women to put time and energy into the picking women who may or may not like me back, so I streamline the selection process for myself. Rather than swipe right to like and left to reject, I like every single woman. That’s right. I like all of them. I like them before I even see their profile picture." By liking all of them, I save myself tons of idle time and mental effort. I wait until Tinder tells me that a girl likes me back to view her profile picture and decide if I’m interested in meeting her. If I am interested, I message her. If I am not interested, I block her. Don’t worry, you aren’t hurting her feelings if you block her; the average metropolitan girl gets at least 20 new matches a day. She won’t even notice you blocked her. I am a personal fan of the system also because it stops me from making mistakes by accidentally rejecting a girl I thought was cute but slipped my hand on. It’s simply a more efficient strategy, but do what you like most.
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Messaging! With the matches pouring in, I started playing with the messaging. I was a night club promoter at the time and had plenty of time to be on my phone messaging girls. Although I was very good at selling a club to a guy or girl when they were in front of me, I couldn’t meet up with a girl from Tinder on a date to save my life. It was frustrating at first because I couldn’t figure out why I could have great conversations with the girls then watch the conversation quickly cut off the moment I suggested meeting up with the girl." Then, the realization hit me. The answer was a lot more obvious than I had realized: I needed to stop focusing on the conversation and shoot for what mattered... the Date." I changed my strategy. I kept things light, and I had more dates. Next, I learned that numbers were more valuable than messaging on Tinder, so I learned how to get numbers until I found a line that worked EVERY SINGLE TIME to get the number as long as I did the right steps ahead of time. The final piece in the puzzle was more of an art than a science and by far the hardest part. I learned to text like a girl. After I mastered that concept, I actually had to create a spreadsheet to keep track of which girl was which... a fun problem to have." I was laughing as I looked at how many grammatically incorrect messages I would send on a daily basis and was amazed at how much better the responses were: more responses, longer responses, more optimistic responses. It was wild!" I remember imagining what my English teacher would think of my poor grammar skills. She had always said my usage of the English language was “interesting.” I was beginning to understand her opinion..."
It’s a Match!! Once you get this alert from Tinder (and you see that you like her if you used my matching process), the cat and mouse message game begins... my favorite part of the whole process. I learned, you need to initiate the conversation with the girl immediately. Tinder is a quick app. The average girl gets a lot more guys interested in her than the average guy gets girls interested in him, so you need to respond as soon as you are notified she likes you while you are still on her mind. I have spoken to too many guys busy “playing it cool” with girls instead of doing what I was Page 29 of 67
doing and dating the same girls these guys were holding out on for a few days... which turned into a few weeks... which turned into a few months... which turned into... let’s just say they’re still waiting for the girls to message back. (On the bright side, the cool guys are still “playing it cool” while they wait.)" Sarcasm aside, there is no “playing it cool” on Tinder. There is no waiting a day or two to not seem desperate. Again, this app is quick. She is using the app NOW. She is interested in connecting NOW. If you wait a day, she may remove the app, she may have already found someone, you may forget to message her; there are too many things that can go wrong if you do not message her immediately." The game plan with meeting a girl off Tinder is to set up a time to meet up with her, get her number to take her off Tinder, and text until the two of you meet in person. When I followed the game plan, things worked. When I didn’t, I spent a lot of time being chatty and not seeing her in person. Here’s the plan:" I found out that, I needed to build a level of rapport with the girl over Tinder by being light and playful and learning a little bit about her to make her comfortable meeting me." I would schedule an activity the two of us could do together. Meeting for drinks was easy, but there were plenty of other activities." Then, I would take the conversation off Tinder by getting her number. I saw too many hang ups with Tinder because 1) Tinder was an app with technical issues sometimes (like freezing and crashing), and 2) it was too easy for her to delete Tinder or miss a notification on the app that she wouldn’t miss on her phone." After, I would build more rapport with her over text and iron out any scheduling issues for the date." Finally, I would confirm the date a few hours before the date started. This ended up being a big piece of the Tinder game plan that took a handful of missed dates to really iron out." With that general game plan, I have had a lot of dates. Clients who have used my advice have gone from having trouble getting numbers to having trouble fitting so many dates in their calendar. Pay attention to the
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theory here, then get ready for an in depth breakdown of the whole system with examples in the second half of this book."
Your First Message to Her! At some point on every date I have with a girl I meet off Tinder, I ask the girl about her Tinder account and take a look at the girl’s phone. The most common" messages I see guys send are “Hey,” “Hi,” “Hello,” and “What’s up?” Even worse than these overused basic messages are the guys she has matched in her phone that have not yet messaged her at all. Hoping the girl messages you first is a short road to never meeting a girl off Tinder. “Hey,” “Hi,” “Hello,” and “What’s up?” are overused; most girls will see that text and never respond. The text is boring and generic. I learned, the first text needs to win her attention and be fun, so... how do we start things off fun and light without sounding too needy and invested in the conversation?" My aim—and now your aim—is to be unique and fun in a short message to grab her attention. Every time I have a match, I start to look at the girl’s profile pictures to see if I know her. If I see that I know her off Tinder, I will make a note of it too (“Haha hey stranger”) to break through the initial awkwardness she may feel about letting me know she likes me since we know each other in regular life." Otherwise, I spend virtually no effort on getting creative on the open. I message every other girl a standard message, either:" Hey rockstar! Or" I’m amazing- you ?! And that’s it. I don’t get much more creative than that because I don’t need to. The purpose of the first message is to stand out in a playful way that gets the conversation moving. The first message “Hey rockstar” works because I give the girl a fun playful nickname. Who doesn’t want to be called a rockstar, right? She’ll think it’s fun and then want to participate in the conversation. You’ll get a lot of responses back, like" Lol rockstar? How’d you know?! Or" Rockstar? What does that make you?! Page 31 of 67
And the fun clever girls will return your response with a nickname of your own based on your profile pictures." The second open has an even higher response rate. The reason for this is that the open frames the interaction. I’m doing a very assumptive open. She never asked how I was, but I’m saying that I’m amazing. It’s a very assumptive move which gets translated as confidence to the girl. Additionally, I’m framing her to give me a positive response back. If I’ve already said I’m amazing, she’s more likely going to say she’s feeling similarly amazing. It’s human nature to follow another person’s lead. Now, she’s told me she is also amazing or some other similarly positive descriptor, and I’m more likely to have a positive exchange with her, which makes my chances of going on a date much more likely." There are tons of other options for first messages. Sure, creativity is good. What’s more important is to understand what is trying to be conveyed in the opening message. Saying, “Hey” is not enough. There’s nothing for her to respond to. The message, “I’m amazing- you ?” gets a higher response rate partially because the message is more unique and also because it is followed by a question mark, which prompts a response." Any message you send needs to prompt a response; otherwise, you should not expect an answer." Why do I still text, “Hey rockstar” then?" Because, it is still good for responses, and I like to change things up. From a strictly statistics perspective, “I’m amazing- you ?” should be used every time."
The Early Tinder Conversation! I have found that once she responds to the first message (or if she messages me first), I stand a very good chance of getting her number and then meeting her on the date. Quickly I learned, the first part of the messaging is to build a little rapport or comfort with the girl. The girl will not agree to meet you if she does not trust you. The conversation NEEDS TO stay light and NEVER get serious or deep (this is where learning girl talk helps). I can’t even tell you how many times a meet up had potential until I dove too deep on a subject. Suddenly, I would hit the problem of sounding insensitive for changing the conversation while she is in the middle of telling me deeply emotional stories or we would message so late that she was too tired to meet or Tinder would crash... it happens a lot." Page 32 of 67
I put things in perspective: Tinder was a free app connected to Facebook not ChristianMingle.com; there was no time to get serious. I switched to talk about things going on that are light and fun, like holidays and events, what she likes to do, and that’s really about it. I let her choose the content of the conversation, then drove that conversation in the direction I needed it to go. If her interest did not move toward my eventual aim of meeting up with her, I changed topics. To keep things light and playful, I did four things:" 1. 2. 3. 4.
I asked simple noninvasive questions" I used “haha” and “lol” generously" I did not bore her by saying a lot about me" I “texted girl”- I used improper spelling and punctuation to build rapport (Note: I did this strategically not haphazardly)" Simple noninvasive questions are great because you do not want to be deep and probing on Tinder. You really should not care too much about learning about her until you are on the date. She does not want to have an interview over Tinder. In fact, there is little to no value in ever having a “real conversation” when not in person... Ask too intense of a question or too abstract of a question early in the conversation, and you will never hear from her again." My standard questions are “what are you up to ?” and “how are you ?” I usually start with “what are you up to ?” unless the girl responds very positively on my first message. In cases where she shows a lot of exclamation points or emoticons or capitalization, I can infer she is in a good mood. Then, saying “how are you ?” will get a positive response, such as “I’m Great!! You ?”" When convenient, it’s always helpful to have the girl tell you she is in a good mood because then she will tend to stay in a good mood while talking to you. Positive people respond positively when people message them; hence, you are more likely to get a “yes” to seeing you when she has framed herself to be positive. Every question I ask ends with a space between the last word and the question mark. This is on purpose. A girl taught my mentor this trick a while ago. There is a higher response rate when you respond with the space. I do not have the psychological breakdown behind that one. I just do it."
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After the first question, the conversation can go a number of ways. I am careful to never dive deep on a subject. If she tells me she is having a bad day, I do not ask why. If she tells me she is at work, I don’t ask what she does. I keep topics light unless she goes into them, and even then I’m careful not to go too far down any of these conversational threads. As I’ve learned to “text girl” and really honed my skills, I realize that “texting girl” builds so much rapport I can set up a date by the second text. In fact, by texting girl, I successfully number closed a girl on my first message to her. The reason for the shallowness of the conversation is because I do not plan to remain on any of these threads long. I just want to be conversational enough to have her know I am a normal and sane guy, so she will be open to meeting with me." Occasionally, I will make statements rather than asking her a question. The more positive she already is being, the more likely she is to respond to a statement. The danger of making a statement is that girls do not need to reply to a statement, so the conversation could end right there. It is never good to double message (or double text) a girl. It shows too much interest too early in the conversation. Double messaging displays neediness. Stalkers double text." To not run into the situation of needing to send a second message in a row to get the woman to respond, I usually end statements with a question mark. The question mark—even though not grammatically correct —prompts the woman to respond and increases the likelihood of response over a statement with no question mark." For instance, let’s say I wanted to meet her for drinks later, I could either say “Want to meet for drinks ?” or “Let’s meet for drinks ?” Even though both sentences end with a question mark, the second will be interpreted more like a statement than a question, so now I get the points of being confident with a statement and the security of getting an answer with the question mark." Questions are safest when starting out, but statements really make things move because then the conversation loses all feel of an interview. You just need to be careful with the statements to make sure there is something for her to respond to. I have plenty of examples of statements I have used in second half of this book. Usually statements are assumptions that you have made that she must verify rather than questions for her to Page 34 of 67
answer. For example, instead of saying, “How are you ?” you can say, “Someone’s having a good day ?” You are looking for the same information, just in a more original style." To let her know I am playful, I use “lol” and “haha” a lot. I also use “wow,” “nice,” “cool,” “omg,” and just about any other light playful fun word I can think of. I want her to feel excitement every time she reads my messages. These are buzzwords for fun. It is very easy for her to want to keep responding when I’m Mr. Happy in her mind. “Lol” and “haha” can almost not be used enough. I will say “lol” in message after message after message (6 consecutive messages is my current record). I never get called out for using “lol” too much and whenever I think I’m pushing the “lol” button too many times, I say “haha.”" Every word you ever utter to her should be positive or at worst neutral. There is no room for negativity in your blossoming Tinder messaging relationship with this girl (Note: with calibration you will find times where negativity builds comfort, but do not focus on that. It is the rare exception to the rule). Like clockwork, I will usually preface any statement I make with any of the positive buzz words I listed above. Use of “lol” is shockingly helpful to get you out of situations where the girl does not respond positively. Just “lol” lets her know that whatever she said doesn’t bother you. It’s a surprisingly effective way to appear nonreactive." On a similar topic, I do not bore the girls I’m talking to with information about me. I learned, they really don’t care. It may seem funny, but a girl is more likely to meet me after seeing a picture of me doing a flying kick in a mall in Las Vegas and getting some messages with “lol” at the front of each one than me telling her my full name, family history, city of origin, and occupation. It surprised me at first, but I learned girls really only care about feelings. If they feel comfortable with me, they will see me. Facts about my history can sometimes create that feeling, but fun texting and fun photos do so a lot more frequently." So... if they ask how I’m doing, I tell them; but I keep it short and sweet. As a rule of thumb, your answers should be shorter than theirs but of similar magnitude. If you ask what she’s up to and she lists a bunch of things she is doing then reciprocates the question, you should reply with what you are doing just a little less. For instance, she says, “Heyy!! Not much, just with the girls. About to go shopping then dinner!! How about Page 35 of 67
you?” You want to respond with what you are doing and actually tell her something, like “haha nice- out with friends- [insert next question/ statement] ?”" Always reward her, determine how much to answer her question, and give her something to respond to. Never go into depth about you. She doesn’t care; she is a girl using Tinder not your mom or grandma wanting to catch up. Keep the focus on her and what she is doing. If you are unclear of what messages to send her, it’s okay. I will dig a little deeper on the subject on the next page and give real-life examples of typical Tinder conversations later in the book. It’s a lot simpler seeing than reading." A further note on messaging: I looked through all of my successful Tinder conversations (Meaning they led to a date). 95% of my messages were 3 lines or less and 80% were two lines or less. I created the 3 Line Rule. If a message is longer than 3 lines, I probably messed something up. There is nothing that should be communicated over messaging that should be longer than 3 lines." The final piece to build rapport and provide fun on the Tinder platform will make every English teacher cringe. It’s time to forget about good punctuation, spelling, and grammar. We are not in English class anymore; this is Tinder! Girls think I am funny because I text how they text. I don’t text seriously. Texting seriously means all of the periods are where they are supposed to be, every sentence has a subject and verb, the right things are capitalized. That isn’t fun. A girl wants to be with someone who is carefree, so get carefree with your texting... by following these guidelines…" The Extra Letter Some words carry too strong of a meaning with them. For instance when I message “Wow,” I don’t mean “What the fuck! That is amazing!” but I want to imply the idea of “wow” on a lesser note. For these situations, I use an extra letter to soften the meaning." When a girl reads the word with that extra letter, the fraction of a fraction of a second that comes from interpreting the extra letter makes the word hit slightly less, which is good. Save the “wow” for when it matters. When you are impressed and would give a solid head nod to the girl for something she said, say “woww” instead. It helps. In the same way, I turn “Hey” into “Heyy” to make my greeting one notch less harsh. My examples Page 36 of 67
will better breakdown the usage of extra letters. Look out for them. Use extra letters when you are being light and playful. Use extra letters when she is playful with you. I felt so stupid the first time I texted “Heyy” and “Woww” and “Thaat’s cool” and “Ohh noo.” Now, those are standards in my Tinder arsenal. It’s the way it works." The extra letters concept expands to some punctuation too. For instance, two question marks make the question have a more fun and light feel. An ellipses (...) removes a lot of impact from a sentence, so the sentence does not hit so hard. Ellipses are also useful to prompt a response if you make a statement and do not wish to use a question mark. The biggest problem with ellipses is their easiness to misuse. An ellipsis after “Hmm” makes the tone more fun and curious. An ellipsis after “Hi” makes you creepy. I use ellipses properly in the examples to come." So, those are all the softeners. Now, the English language is big— and “girl text” is vast—but I have found one major magnifying tool you can use to amp up the message you’re sending out." Usually the extra letter softens the intensity of the word. There are times when adding letters to the end of a word makes the statement’s meaning more intense. A more intense version of “lol” is “lolol.” The extra “ol” increases the impact of “lol.” When I have a girl that truly says something funny or ridiculous, I type “lolol.” It really hits hard. Similarly, two exclamation points together magnifies the message’s intensity rather than softens it." The Dash Days of the period are over. The dash is here to stay. Periods are too harsh and final. Periods are great for business, terrible for meeting women. Use the dash to separate thoughts. It’s slightly less intense than a period. And never end a message with a period. If it is a statement, no punctuation is better than a period. I know. I know. Blasphemy, right? Welcome to girl text!" No Punctuation between Thoughts- Almost every message you send to a girl will have 2 parts and some will have 3. A two part message has a positive response to her statement (“lol,” “haha,” “cool,” etc) and a question or statement for her to respond to. A three part message has a positive remark, answer to her question, and question or statement for response. Page 37 of 67
When the two parts are distinctly different, not separating the ideas is great. You appear more casual. This is how girls think. She says, “I’m doing well” You say, “nice what are you up to ?” There’s no need for punctuation after the word “nice.”" Lack of Capitalization Aside from the first letter of the message, nothing needs to be capitalized. Do not worry about formalities. Let your auto-correct fix anything it feels like fixing, but you should never be hitting that Capitalization key on your phone. Only people who take punctuation seriously worry about capitalizing the right words. This is Tinder, not a college thesis: on Tinder, you want to go to “las vegas” not “Las Vegas.”"
Setting Up the Date! As early as one or two messages in with girls, I start to lead the conversation down a path to set up a date with her. This is done by talking about activities and finding out her schedule. As much fun as you might be having talking about whatever light conversational topic she brought up, you need to get to the point of the conversation before she loses focus on Tinder. I’ve seen too many guys fall into the trap of enjoying the conversation too much to push for the close. Then, questions on the guys end come up: “What do I message?” “Won’t it be awkward to transition to asking for a meet up?” “But how do I know if she likes me?”" Don’t fall into that trap! Wait for the date to get into long conversations. Don’t give the conversation an opportunity to take an awkward turn. You do that by starting on the topic you want to focus on: Activities. One major reason one of my first questions is “what are you up to ?” is because it gets her talking and thinking about activities. Sometimes you’ll find out she is doing the same thing you are and your next question can be about meeting up." Most of the time, you will still need to push a little further to set up the date, but at least you are moving in the right direction!! Before you set up the date, you need to have an idea of what type of date you want to bring her on. Off of Tinder expect to meet at a bar or coffee shop and go from there. NEVER suggest dinner. That is way too much from a simple app and puts too much pressure on the girl and the date."
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Usually drinks are fine. If the girl does not drink, suggest coffee or dessert. Have a place in mind and know your availability (Note: the more available you are, the easier it is to meet up. It’s odd to me when guys try to turn down times they are available with the girl in order to seem more busy. These guys are just screwing up their chances!! Don’t fall for it. Some girls truly are busy, so if you are free and she is free, GO ON THE DATE ALREADY!!)" The questions you will ask over and over in different orders depending on the texture of the conversation are:" • What’s your schedule like this week ? (schedule)" • What are your plans tonight ? (schedule)" • When are you free ? (schedule)" • When are you available ? (schedule)" • Want to grab a drink sometime ? (activity)" • Grab a drink sometime ? (activity)" • Want to meet up sometime ? (activity)" • Let’s grab a drink ? (activity)" The first question “What are you up to ?” sets you up for where to lead the conversation. If her day sounds busy, you should not ask “What are your plans tonight ?” but... if she is not doing anything, there is a higher than average chance that she will be willing to meet you very soon. " There are two categories of questions to set up a date. There are scheduling questions and activity questions. You will need a positive answer to both these questions in order to go on the date with her. You need the answer to the activity question to be positive in order to get her number and move the conversation off Tinder, which is the most important part. " I always need to have her agreement to hang out with me to move to asking for her phone number. We don’t need to agree to a time or place, just the meet up (ex. “Grab drinks later ?”). If the conversation is going well on Tinder, I try to iron out a few more details over Tinder than I would otherwise. " Ideally, I’ll set up a time and place right then for what we are going to do. When that is the case, the scheduling questions take a front seat. “What’s your schedule like this week ?” is by far the most valuable of them all. Once I know her availability, I pick a time that works for both of us then Page 39 of 67
pick an activity to do. Even while I’m setting up the date I make sure to always be positive by responding with plenty of “lol”s." The true beauty of asking her for her schedule is she will tell you when she is busy and when she is free. If she tells you when she is free, now you know when to plan the date. She is much more likely to agree to the date for two reasons:" 1. You are not scheduling at a time that conflicts with her schedule." 2. Unconsciously she has agreed to the meet up because the only people she tells her schedule to are… people she plans to meet up with!! So, now she’s already thinking about meeting up with you before you’ve even said anything about the date!" I’ve found I occasionally need to take a step back and turn to more light conversation if the girl gives too much push back from setting up the date. Then, after more conversation, I get back on track with setting up the date. My example with Olivia demonstrates the dance on Tinder you need to do between conversation and setting up the date when she does not respond to the date suggestions right away." When she tells me her availability, I follow up with a time and place for the activity and confirm with her. Let’s say she says, “Busy today and tomorrow. Free after 8 both days.” You should respond, “Cool let’s [insert activity] at [insert location] at [insert time] – that work ?”" Then, you will find out whether or not it works. If she tells you her schedule, she has unofficially agreed to the meet up. She may have pushback to time, location, or specific activity, but a meet up will happen, and she will usually help fix the logistics by providing alternative times, places, or activities." Always fix the problems she has with the date immediately and check in again. After two pushbacks from her, take a step back and develop more general dialogue before suggesting another alternative. Pushing any more will make you feel needy." Another reason for me to settle for the agreement to the activity rather than set a specific time and place for a date to meet is when she is not free until several days later. Any date set for four or more days out has a high likelihood of flaking; there are too many other activities that can pop
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up in the woman’s life over the next few days. Also there is a lot more rapport maintenance that will need to be done over text to keep the date." The longer she has to think about the date, the worse your odds of meeting her. It is very odd to meet someone in person that they met on an app and have only messaged a handful of times... at least it’s not normal. The longer the thought of the weirdness of meeting up with the guy from Tinder runs in her head, the worse your chances to actually meet her. If she isn’t free until a few days out, I will have her agree to hanging out, get her number, and solidify details over text. I need her off Tinder to have any chance of the date working out." While on the topic of date flake rate, I find that my successful dates are generally set up within 36 hours of time of texting, meaning if it is Tuesday morning, I am on a date with the girl by Wednesday night at the latest for minimum flake rate. After that, dates still happen but run a higher chance of being rescheduled. When she tells me her schedule, I pick the earliest day that works for both of us. The sooner the better for her to actually meet up."
Getting Her Number! It took some failures for me to figure out the key to Tinder and successful dates. After some trial and error, I learned the key to the entire conversation on Tinder was to get her number. This should be your goal too as soon as you start messaging her. You want her number as soon as possible." The reasons you want her number rather than continue using Tinder are the following:" •
•
•
The Tinder app crashes sometimes- It would suck for her to be enjoying your conversation and everything to go well, and the app crashes. Now, she finds something else to occupy her time, she may not receive a message from you. It’s a mess." You cannot call on Tinder- While most of the conversation you have with these girls will be in text form, there are times when calling is much simpler. Calling can fix misunderstandings and build comfort. Also, calling her makes it much easier to find her once you are heading to the date. " Tinder is based on having a good Internet connection- I’m not all that technologically knowledgeable, but I understand there Page 41 of 67
•
•
•
"
are times I cannot connect to the Internet—which stops Tinder from working—while I can still receive texts and phone calls. How bad would it be to miss out on a date because you or she went into an area with poor connection, and you couldn’t meet up?? " You cannot send pictures over Tinder- The ability to send pictures can help you a lot. I have a few photos I can use in almost every text conversation without fail, knowing they will hit the right emotional chords with her for her to want to see me. " She can delete her Tinder account- Imagine if you and her are hitting it off, but for whatever reason her Tinder account disappears. Maybe she reset her phone. Maybe she found a new app to pass the time. Long story short, she can get rid of the app but not her number, so you are more secure with her number. " Her giving you her number causes her to invest more in the interaction- On Tinder, you are just another guy messaging her. Once you have her number, you are the guy she gave her number to. In her mind, she would not have given you her number if she didn’t like you. Getting the number reaffirms that she likes you in her own mind."
So how do you get her number? About 1/3 of the time, she will give you her number without you asking. When she does not outright give you her number, you need a justification for why you are asking for her number rather than continue to communicate over Tinder.
Yes, you can just ask for the number after she agrees to meet you (“Hey what’s your number ?”), but that is a little too direct. I realized that girls got defensive sometimes if there was not a good reason for giving out their number. Suddenly, the girl may think “Wait a sec... This guy is slightly fun to talk to, but am I sure I want to give him my number? What if he ends up being weird? Why does he want my number anyway? What can he do with my number that he can’t do over Tinder?”" Suddenly, she is thinking of all the functionality that exists with a phone number that Tinder is not capable of, and she imagines a creepy guy who sends nude pictures, calls all the time, spams her number on Craigslist, and worst of all she may not be able to block him like on Tinder. Page 42 of 67
As soon as I had a reason to get her number, my success went through the roof." The formula is: “*Positive response+ *Justification+ – what’s your number ?”" The justifications you can use are infinite. Logical reasons of why you might want her number help. Justifications I use regularly are:" • I’m not on Tinder much" • Tinder gets annoying" • My Tinder is crashing " My favorites are: “I’m not on Tinder much” and “my Tinder is crashing” with “I’m not on Tinder much” having the best responses so far.
As long as I followed all of the steps in setting up the date correctly ahead of time, I will always get her number from those messages."
Once You Get Her Number! Once you get her number, you want to text her IMMEDIATELY. Remember, Tinder is quick! I learned, the first text should follow this format:" “Hey [name of girl or nickname] – it’s [your name] from tinder – [light question preferably about something you and her spoke about before] ?”" If you do not want to talk about anything you’ve already spoken about, bring up any light simple, preferably open-ended question you have not yet asked. This is a great time to use “How are you ?” or “What are you up to ?” if you have not previously used them. You can also ask slight derivations of those questions. For example instead of “how are you ?” ask “how’s your night ?” Instead of “what are you up to ?” ask “what are your plans later ?”"
Building More Rapport! Once you get her number, you will have to start the light playful process again over text. She wants to feel comfortable for giving you her number, so you build that comfort by continuing a light playful conversation with her. Ask more open-ended questions, make sure to follow all the previous rules I spoke about to come across as playful. The fun thing is now you also have pictures in your arsenal to send her to get her excited to see her."
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Pictures are good to send in response to a statement to spur a spike in excitement if you feel conversation is lacking or you run out of questions you want to ask her. If you have already solidified the date, you will end the conversation after several messages back and forth. You need to message at least twice to build enough text rapport for the day. After the second message, wait until she gives you a response that does not prompt a reply then leave the thread for the rest of the day. Respond if she texts you first, but do not reinitiate conversation until the next day or several hours before the date, whichever comes first. I found too much conversation causes everything to depreciate." If you have not yet solidified date plans, get back on track over text, using the questions above for scheduling. If you get too much pushback, pull back the conversation, have several more light messages back and forth then leave the thread for the night. Re-engage the next day. Now that you have her number, you can breathe a moment if things do not fall into place right away. If she sets up a time to meet, go back to light conversation for a few more texts until you see a point to stop for the night. I learned this when I messaged a girl and did not text to build rapport right after:"
" LESSON HERE: MAKE GIRLS FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH AGREEING TO MEET YOU BY BUILDING RAPPORT AFTER SETTING UP THE DATE.!
Confirming the Date! If your date is just a few hours after you started your conversation, great! Just show up. She’ll be there. If the date is the next day, you need to have another conversation with her the next day to confirm the date. Do not assume she will just show up." Page 44 of 67
At least 3 hours before the date, message her. Send a simple light conversational question to get things going. “How are you ?” and “How’s your day ?” are perfect because these questions show you are interested in how they are doing. Based on her response, you may respond with a single further question on that topic, but usually you can just check if the date is still on. Remain positive and playful with rewarding her responses, then say “does *time of date] still work for you ?”" I like checking if the time of the date still works rather than if the date is still on. Asking “do you still want to meet for drinks ?” screams insecure to women and that is very unattractive. Checking that the time works is just a cordial thing to do. When she says “yes,” I will usually respond with “Great see you then” or “sounds good” to solidify the date in her mind too." When You Should Call" I do not have anything against calling girls. The problem is a lot of them are busy and will not pick up. That means they will have a missed call from me, which I’d rather they not have because it makes me look slightly needy." Also there is an issue if the girl wants to start having a long conversation. Over text, I can just leave a long text from her. On a call, I look like an asshole if I cut her off when she wants to talk. Again, any communication past the bare minimum needed to make her interested in meeting you will hurt you later. There is a chance you will not remember something she told you and she will get mad, and there is also a chance that if she talks to you too long on the phone and over text, she will take your time for granted and not settle down a time to meet you in person because you are available to have long conversations whenever she wants over text or phone." I text because it is more convenient for both of us. The only time I call is when I am having issues with solidifying a time to meet with her. Just like the transition from Tinder to text, more rapport will need to be built on the phone before setting up the date. Expect the first three minutes to be light conversation where you legitimately laugh over the phone so she hears how light-hearted you are. After she is comfortable with you and realizes you are not dangerous, set up the date.
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Actual Tinder Conversations! After working closely with my wings developing Tinder and after offering even more advice on Tinder to other guys, I realize the most difficult part about helping guys learn how to utilize Tinder is that Tinder is dynamic. There are an infinite number of situations that can occur over Tinder, and no book can possibly prepare someone for all of them." To help you as much as possible, I have included actual conversations from beginning to end that I have had with real girls. Every single one of these conversations turned into a date. I am showing you what worked, so you can reproduce it. There is a lot of commentary on the side that reiterates what I spoke about earlier and some gems that are new to the comment sections. For the privacy of the girls, I blocked their numbers and profile pictures. Even if the commentary is too much for you, the messaging alone should give you plenty of ideas of what you should be messaging the girls you meet on Tinder. Below, I give a brief description of the threads with the girls and then breakdown the whole conversation.
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Isabel! I found out on the date that Isabel was very sarcastic (also a lot hotter than her photo). Using lots of “lol”s was necessary to demonstrate I was nonreactive over Tinder. I brought up a lot of references to cool local activities and places to go because her pictures showed me she is active in the hip scene, so making these references built rapport."
! TINDER 1: IN THIS PART OF THE CONVERSATION. I START A CONVERSATION. I FIND OUT SHE IS NOT FREE THAT NIGHT, SO I GET A LITTLE MORE CONVERSATIONAL TO BUILD RAPPORT.
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! TINDER 2: I BUILD THE CONVERSATION TO FIND OUT WHEN SHE IS AVAILABLE THEN USE A JUSTIFICATION TO GET HER NUMBER.
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! TEXT 1: IN THE TEXT THREAD, I START BY BUILDING RAPPORT AGAIN BEING CONVERSATIONAL UNTIL THERE IS A NATURAL END TO THE CONVERSATION. THEN, I CONFIRM THE NEXT DAY. SHE ASKS FOR MY FACEBOOK. THAT HAPPENS SOMETIMES, SO HAVING A CLEAN FACEBOOK THAT PORTRAYS YOU AS COOL AND FUN AND SAFE IS IMPORTANT. SHE SEES I’M NOT WEIRD, AND WE MEET UP.
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Sonya! Sonya is a great example of how quick everything can happen on Tinder. She had plans to go out that night. We agreed to meet up, and I got her number. We did not end up meeting that night. Because I had her number, setting up a future date was very simple: a lesson to always get the number."
! TINDER 1: THIS IS A GREAT SIMPLE QUICK DEMO OF HOW TO GET A NUMBER OFF TINDER. I’M POSITIVE THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE THREAD. SHE RESPONDS WELL TO MY FIRST QUESTION
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ABOUT PLANS, SO SETTING UP A MEET UP IS QUICK. SHE EVEN GIVES ME HER NUMBER. IT’S VERY SIMPLE AND STRAIGHTFORWARD. WE WERE BOTH GOING TO THE SAME EVENT, SO IT WAS AN EASY OPPORTUNITY TO CONNECT. EVEN IF WE DIDN’T MEET UP THAT NIGHT (WHICH WE DON’T), I CAN GET HER NUMBER BECAUSE OF PLANS TO MEET UP, THEN RESCHEDULE. CHANCES OF SCHEDULING A DATE INCREASE DRAMATICALLY ONCE OFF TINDER.
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! TEXT 1: I START BY BUILDING RAPPORT, THEN THE REST IS SETTING UP A TIME TO MEET. THIS IS A VERY STRAIGHTFORWARD TEXT THREAD FOR MEETING UP.
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! TEXT 2: I'M FINALIZING THE DATE. A FEW HOURS BEFORE THE DATE, I AM CONFIRMING EVERYTHING.
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Olivia! Olivia is an example of being delicate with scheduling the date. She was new to Tinder and having so much fun using Tinder that I had to keep pulling back the conversation to where I wanted the direction of the conversation to go. You will see me get off the topic of scheduling, then back on, then acknowledging what she is saying, but pushing for the close. When I cannot solidify a time and date over Tinder, I confirm the activity and decide to focus on the date over text. When there are issues scheduling over text, I call her to solidify everything."
! TINDER 1: I LEARN QUICKLY THAT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME OLIVIA HAS USED TINDER. THAT MEANS, I AM GOING TO BE MORE LIGHT AND PLAYFUL BEFORE PUSHING FOR A MEET UP, SO SHE FEELS COMFORTABLE. EVERYTHING AT THE START OF THE CONVERSATION IS LIGHT.
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! TINDER 2: FURTHER RAPPORT BUILDING, GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER. SHE IS HAVING TOO MUCH FUN ENJOYING TINDER. IF I PRESS FOR A DATE, I DON’T SEEM FUN, I SEEM PUSHY.
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! TINDER 3: THE MAJORITY OF THIS PORTION OF THE THREAD IS THE FINE BALANCE OF PUSHING FOR A MEET UP WHILE KEEPING THINGS LIGHT. THE PROBLEM WITH SPEAKING BACK AND FORTH TOO MUCH CONVERSATIONALLY IS THAT THE IN-PERSON VALUE OF THE MEET UP BEGINS TO DEPRECIATE BECAUSE THE WOMAN CAN GET AS MUCH ATTENTION AS SHE NEEDS VIRTUALLY, SO THE LONGER I HOLD OFF SEEING HER IN PERSON, THE LOWER MY CHANCES. THIS IS WHY I START PRESSING MORE FOR THE MEET UP.
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! TINDER 4: I FINALLY GET HER NUMBER BY THE END OF THIS CONVERSATION. SHE IS TOO DIFFICULT TO TIE DOWN FOR A DATE, SO I GET HER NUMBER. I WANT TO GET HER NUMBER BECAUSE IT IS TOO EASY TO GET LOST IN THE TINDER APP, SO HAVING HER NUMBER GIVES ME A MUCH HIGHER CHANCE OF SEEING HER. YOU’LL SEE I USE THE JUSTIFICATION FOR HER NUMBER THAT I SET UP FOR MYSELF AT THE BEGINNING OF THE CONVERSATION.
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! TEXT 1: NOW, I HAVE HER NUMBER. I TEXT IMMEDIATELY, SO SHE KNOWS WHO I AM. THEN, I BEGIN THE PROCESS OF BUILDING RAPPORT AGAIN OVER TEXT. EVERY TIME YOU CHANGE MEDIUM OF COMMUNICATION, YOU NEED TO BUILD MORE RAPPORT.
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! TEXT 2: FINALLY, I SOLIDIFY A TIME TO MEET HER. FIRST, I AGREE TO A LUNCH DATE WITH HER. THEN, I REALIZE THAT IS TROUBLE WAITING TO HAPPEN. THE EVENING GIVES ME A BETTER LIKELIHOOD OF SLEEPING WITH HER BECAUSE SHE LIKELY HAS PLACES TO BE AFTER LUNCH, AND I DO NOT HAVE A SEX LOCATION. I AGREED TO MEET BECAUSE SHE FINALLY GAVE ME A TIME, BUT BECAUSE THE MEET UP WAS NOT ON MY TERMS AND LEAD WHERE I WANTED IT TO GO, I PULLED BACK. THEN, I CALLED HER AFTER SEVERAL TEXTS TO SOLIDIFY THINGS. THERE WAS TOO MUCH NOT HAPPENING OVER TEXT, SO I DECIDED TO GIVE HER A CALL. AFTER A FEW MINUTES OF BUILDING RAPPORT AND GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER, SHE AGREED TO MEET ME. I WAS THE FIRST GUY SHE MET OFF TINDER, SO THIS WAS ONE REASON FOR THE ADDED EFFORT NECESSARY TO GET THINGS MOVING.
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Britt! Britt is an example of a friend of a friend. I’d never met her prior to the date, but we had mutual friends. That is always a benefit because it builds rapport. It also gave me an idea of conversation to bring up with her, such as partying because the friends we have in common party a lot. There were some scheduling issues in the end, so she called me to sort things out and we met up."
! TINDER 1: THIS FIRST PART TURNS INTO BUILDING RAPPORT BY BEING CONVERSATIONAL BEFORE I GO FOR THE CLOSE. I AM FUN AND LIGHT. I DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS AS MUCH AS I USUALLY WOULD BECAUSE SHE QUALIFIED A LOT RIGHT AWAY.
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! TINDER 2: THE REST OF THE CONVERSATION IS ME SETTING UP THE MEET UP AND GETTING HER NUMBER. IN THIS CASE, SHE JUST GIVES IT TO ME. THAT WILL HAPPEN ABOUT 30% OF THE TIME.
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! TEXT 1: AFTER TINDER, I MOVE TO TEXT. EVERY TIME YOU MOVE FROM TINDER TO TEXT AND TEXT TO PERSON, YOU NEED TO TAKE A STEP BACK AND BUILD MORE RAPPORT BEFORE MOVING FORWARD WITH LOGISTICS. I'VE ALREADY DONE EVERYTHING I'VE NEEDED TO DO OVER TINDER TO SOLIDIFY THE MEET UP UNTIL I CONFIRM ON FRIDAY. I NEED TO TEXT HER, SO SHE HAS MY NUMBER AND DOES NOT GET CONFUSED WHEN A RANDOM NUMBER MESSAGES HER THE NEXT DAY. I KEEP CONVERSATION LIGHT AND WAIT UNTIL THERE HAS BEEN ENOUGH BACK AND FORTH TO END THE CONVERSATION UNTIL THE NEXT DAY.
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! TEXT 2: THE FIRST TEXT AT THE TOP ENDS OUT CONVERSATION THAT NIGHT. FRIDAY, I START THE CONVERSATION AGAIN OVER TEXT. I OVERSLEPT, SO I SCREWED UP AND NEVER SOLIDIFIED PLANS FOR THAT NIGHT. DON’T DO THIS! NOW, I’M IN A RECOVERY SITUATION. I'M SHOOTING FOR A MEET UP EITHER THAT SAME NIGHT OR SATURDAY. AFTER THE LAST TEXT, WE HAVE A 3 MINUTE PHONE CALL TO CONFIRM EVERYTHING. SHE HAD PLANS LATER THAT NIGHT BUT WAS FREE TO MEET EARLIER. GENERALLY, I DO NOT LIKE TO GO OUT WITH A GIRL IF I KNOW SHE IS GOING TO HAVE PLANS LATER THAN NIGHT BECAUSE THE LIKELIHOOD OF HER ENDING UP BACK AT MY PLACE DECREASES DRAMATICALLY. IN THIS CASE, I WAS BUSY THE NEXT FEW NIGHTS; PLUS I SCREWED UP MY CHANCES BY NOT FOLLOWING UP WITH HER EARLIER IN THE DAY TO CONFIRM. I TOOK THE DATE EVEN THOUGH THE LIKELIHOOD OF A HOOK UP WAS LESS BECAUSE SHE MAY NOT HAVE BEEN INTERESTED IN SEEING ME IF I BLEW HER OFF TWICE ALREADY.
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Mary! I actually knew Mary before our date. That will happen. Girls can get uncomfortable when they realize that the person they know now knows she likes him, even though the feeling is mutual. The best approach is to be light and playful to have everything work out."
! TINDER 1: THE CONVERSATION IS VERY LIGHT AND QUICKLY MOVES TO TEXT. I ALREADY HAVE GOOD RAPPORT WITH HER. I WAS A LITTLE CARELESS WITH SEVERAL MESSAGES I WROTE.
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! TEXT 1: I'M VERY CONVERSATIONAL AT THE START OF THIS TEXT. USUALLY I SCHEDULE THE DATE SOONER, BUT I DID NOT GET A SPECIFIC DAY SHE WAS FREE, SO I WAS MORE LIGHT BEFORE CONFIRMING THE DATE. PLUS, IT WAS THURSDAY MORNING, AND THE DATE WOULD NOT HAPPEN UNTIL FRIDAY NIGHT AT THE EARLIEST, SO I WAS IN NO HURRY TO FINALIZE THE DATE. I LIKE 24 HOURS TO BE ABOUT THE MAXIMUM AMOUNT OF TIME FROM PLANNING THE DATE TO GOING ON THE DATE. ANY FURTHER OUT THAN THAT, AND THE GIRL’S SCHEDULE CAN CHANGE TOO QUICKLY.
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! TEXT 2: COMPLETE CONTRAST FROM THE LAST MESSAGE, THIS WHOLE PORTION OF THE THREAD IS ABOUT MAKING THE DATE HAPPEN.
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Conclusion! You have all of the information you need to set up successful dates with Tinder. Follow the advice I give, and all you will have to worry about is what to wear. Because the conversation over Tinder and text was light and playful, the girl will be in a great mood when she comes to meet you." Remember to check Tinder at least once a day to see if anyone new is in the area. Update your profile pictures every time you have another cool, attractive photo to post on your profile. If you ever have questions, feel free to message me at
[email protected] and go to conquerdatingapps.com/bonuses to get access to exclusive content to give you even more success with Tinder."
"
Good Luck!!"
"
Chris Harders
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