The Monte Carlo Sessions by Zan Perrion
Compilerʼs Note: Aaah, the section that nobody reads. Well, I hope not. I distinctly remember coming to Zan after meeting with frustration after frustration with Mystery and David DeAngelo. My personality wasnʼt meshing with any of this “pickup” stuff and I thought I would just be one of those guys left by the wayside. Enter Zan. I wish I could tell you that on my first listen to Zan that everything became crystal clear and I became a Casanova overnight. It didnʼt happen. I was 18 and at the time, a lot of Zanʼs points seemed counter-intuitive, and frankly, just a little wacky. What? You need to learn how to “enjoy the interaction?” Fuck that, I want to have sex. It was not until some years later (the present) that a lot of what Zan was saying began clicking. I lost my virginity to a wonderful girl, we parted ways, and I began to see what Zan meant when he said women are beautiful creatures and we should treat them with wonder. I began these notes with the expectation that they should serve as a guide and refresher, but not as a replacement for, the actual thing. No one can replace Zanʼs tonality, way of expression and the genuine joy that comes out of his voice when he talks about women. I have split the notes up by CDs, including Mindset Moments, Quotable quotes, and Parting thoughts. The notes are in bullet form, and the really important things that I feel need special emphasis are otherwise bolded, italicized or put into a really big obnoxious box. These notes cover both the earlier Monte Carlo Session 1, and the newer just released Monte Carlo Session 2. There will be some overlap in notes, as he continues to hammer home key points. It is in Helvetica font because Helvetica is sexy. End of story. Zanʼs material requires a certain amount of maturity to digest and understand. If you are relatively new to the “Game,” I recommend you read these notes without bias or skepticism, then go out in the world and fuck up. You heard me. Crash and burn, screw around, and make mistakes. Only when you have figured out what it is you want from pick-up or women in general should you revisit Zan. And when you do, I canʼt wait to say I told you so.
Monte Carlo Sessions: Disk 1 We have stopped doing things with intention. Materialism and accumulation have led us astray; no longer do we go through “rites of passage” where we go deep within ourselves. The 200 most successful CEOs – commonality: they take time every day to be still. We have forgotten what it means to stay still. We need to introspect again. The question to ask: “Whatʼs not working for you?” (us) You have this moment to choose how the rest of your life is going to be. We can either be seekers, or those settled in regret. We donʼt need to look for the answers; we have them in ourselves! Quotable quote: “The goal is not to add years to your life, but to add life to your years.” The results of not doing things with intention and settling for the status quo: • • • •
No purpose in life. Conformity, not being our real self Afraid of what other people might think of us We want to make people “comfortable.”
Mindset moment: Stop making people comfortable. Be authentic. Keys to achieving this new mindset: • • • • • •
Pursue a vision relentlessly Stop manipulating girls in order to force a response. Just be, rather than trying to do things. Know who you are and what you WANT. Know your right to be a man. Donʼt dial yourself down. Be honest and upfront about who you are. Tell the girl right away, “This is who I am.” Itʼs not about trying to get something for “me.” Be congruent and authentic
Example: First 30 seconds of meeting a girl that he likes: “You and I should get together.” Sheʼs engaged, so she declines. But he was being honest and having fun!
Points to take away • • • • • •
Use honesty that is not hurtful. “The I am the prize mentality” is wrong because youʼll miss her because sheʼs cute and you like her. Both losses! Donʼt take it personally if she declines your invitation; just own yourself and the moment with her and have fun. Make her feel sexy and alive Your responsibility to inject something special and fun into her day…just by being you. Be direct without presumption; open to all possibilities but unattached to an outcome.
Quotable quote: “You can never be a lover of women if you donʼt love yourself.” Donʼt pin your hopes on a future possibility. Getting stuff to fill the emptiness wonʼt solve the problem. We can accumulate all the things, all the trappings that we think will make us more attractive to women (ie: that car, that new house) but until we love ourselves for ourselves, those things will be empty. The secret to success: pursuing your desires wholeheartedly and removing all distractions. Our true authentic selves are amazing. Any tactics and techniques that donʼt come from that self are like ill-fitting coats.
Mindset moment: The goal is not to get girls to go to bed with you. The goal is to get the girls to love you. Points to take away: • • • • •
Seek true fulfillment, rather than the trappings of fulfillment. Phone numbers are dead pieces of paper. They mean nothing. “Numbers game” is not truly game. It is not fulfilling. Real success with women is women allowing you to be you and loving you for it. You have to go into girlʼs territory. You cannot get girls by sitting on your ass. Get women to REMEMBER you. Not that you got her in bed and had sex with you. Get her to always remember you. Thatʼs more powerful.
We donʼt want someone to like us for our techniques, but because we crave connection on a deeper level. We want to be loved for who we are; not who we pretend to be.
Quotable quote: “There is no such thing as fake-it-till-you-make-it.” The moment you step out of your comfort zone, you take the first step— thatʼs starting to make it! Mindset moment: If you want to be interesting, have an interesting life. Go out into the world and stop hiding! Parting thought: Women are the one subject that both sexes have in common. Donʼt worry about things to say to them! Just talk about women
Monte Carlo Sessions: Disk 2 Women are desperate for passion. When you lack passion, and go through the motions of life, women become frustrated. Another day, another month, and she shrinks down to something lesser than herself. She will even start fights to feel that passion again. Passion is the ingredient that is missing from our lives. Women crave emotion and passion—they will find it somewhere. We drive her to seek it--she does nothing. Mindset moment: Be passionate not simply for her, but for your life! What do women want? – men that are not focusing on them constantly but have something else going on in their lives! Quotable Quote: Women want someone that inspires their passion…in themselves! Points to take away: • • • •
The “nice guy” is always available. Donʼt make her your life. Be attentive without being needy. Combine the two: be courteous and attentive, but have a goal in life that is not simply her. Change your internal geography. Get out of that neediness, that anxiety, and reframe and center your perspective onto your own life.
Men enter the game actively; women participate in the game passively. • • • •
Men do the approaching, women are always approached. When one is single, one approaches women. He makes that active effort. When he finds that one and wants to be exclusive, he takes himself out of the game. She doesnʼt; sheʼs always going to be approached regardless. Women are complicit in their own seduction. Intrigue, mystery…bring that to her, and there will be no such thing as her seeing you as a “nice guy.”
Mindset moment: Assume every girl has a boyfriend and is taken. Every girl has a guy she can call/ have sex with. Donʼt give her relationship status another thought. Donʼt back down, be playful with that and joke with it. Examples (smileys added to emphasize point): #1 Guy: Letʼs get together tonight. Woman: I canʼt. I have a boyfriend. Guy: Thatʼs not what I asked. :P
#2 Zan: Letʼs have a drink tonight. Iʼll pick you up at 7 Girl: I canʼt my boyfriend wouldnʼt like it. Zan: Of course! I understand! Letʼs make it 8 then! :D #3 Zan: Hey youʼre kind of cute… Girl: Isnʼt that your girlfriend over there…? Zan: (hand on her back) Oh her? Thatʼs my favorite girlfriend! Girl: How many girlfriends do you have? Zan: (playfully) including you? Girl: Iʼm not your girlfriend! Zan: But you could be my favorite! Donʼt back down from your position or defend yourself. Keep it fun and light. Never respond ever to her challenges. If she gets mad at you, act like you have no idea whatʼs going on. Quotable quote: “Move through life with the belief and expectation that every woman is into and interested in you.” • • •
As soon as that (her boyfriend, or any other issue) is not a problem for you, she wonʼt have a problem with it. Shit tests – given to challenge your resolve and to see how serious you are about it. KEY: Presenting yourself like a man, in an unashamed, straightforward, playful manner. No fucking presumption.
Mindset moment: A man who loves women is loved by women. • • • •
Believe in yourself, women, and life. Recognize that you donʼt need to come from a place of need. Come in with a spirit of loving women – coming from a place of strength rather neediness allows so many doors to open up for you. We teach people how to treat us. We project how we want to be treated onto women.
Know who you are and donʼt apologize for it. Be yourself for yourself. Essence of an attractive personality: 1. Authenticity, your real self. 2. Connection 3. Aliveness, (Be animated and alive, not cool and aloof. Being cool and aloof comes off as try-hard.)
4. Fierce Courage (French for of the heart; step out of your comfort zone, flirt with every woman, treat them all the same!)
Mindset moment: Make flirting and loving women part of your nature, not of your agenda. They are all women; exude your enthusiasm and they will reflect it back to you. • • • •
Donʼt back down from a challenge. Donʼt qualify or mask your desires of being a man. Donʼt ever apologize for being honest in your desires. Donʼt forget to have fucking fun.
Quotable Quote: Women want sex just as bad as you do! There is no such thing as shifting into rapport, or escalation if you make your intentions clear upfront. It becomes one continuous flow. Points to take away: • • •
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You can say anything as long as you say it without presumption. Donʼt try to manipulate and “steal” something from her. Women want to be swept off their feet, passion and adventure. Women want a guy that desires them but doesnʼt NEED them. Two tracks in a womanʼs mind of their ideal man: o 1. Adventure, passion, desire and romance. o 2. Stability, security, comfort. o 3. A guy needs to embody both…continuously! Women desperately need this.
You have to be aware of both tracks. You canʼt just give her one track (stability and security) and skimp out on the other. Mindset moment: Instead of constantly thinking on a date, ”Does she like me, am I tall enough? Does she like me? Ask, do I like her, do I like her, do I like her?” An honest compliment: Thereʼs something about you that I like, Iʼm curious about it; I donʼt know what it is, but Iʼm still trying to figure that out. “Focused and relaxed; the best of the direct (focused on her, you arenʼt acting indifferent) and relaxed; the best of the indirect, (relaxed and unattached to the outcome).” “Just so you know, I have no intention of sleeping with you.” Saying that upfront does the opposite; she ends up wanting to sleep with you!”
Parting thought: “Madam, we should begin an intrigue…” – Giacomo Casanova.
Monte Carlo Sessions: Disk 3 Ways we can lose a woman: Neediness is the absence of fulfillment. Arrogance is the absence of empathy. Indecisiveness is the absence of purpose. Hesitation is the absence of confidence. Is your whole attention so that she likes you, or is it because you delight in beautiful things? Mindset moment: Your motive is all the difference. • • •
Be in touch with yourself. (You know what you want, and you know what you like.) Women are very aware of your motive and intent. Being unattached to the outcome – first step is being aware of yourself and knowing what you want. Tell a girl upfront, “I am not like other men. Iʼm different. If I like you, Iʼm going to tell you. If I want to take you to bed, Iʼm going to say it.” This is said without presumption, and gives her an option to accept or decline. Telling a girl separates you from the other men. If you tell her with enough authority and confidence, she will believe you. Quotable quote: “Never dial yourself down, never dial down your sexual tone. Women do not want that, they will not respect you for that.” Five Boxes that Women Put You In: 1. Dislike. (I donʼt like him, creepy, has a bad vibe). 2. Non-entity. (Guy is not noticed, has no presence. Knows of you, but doesnʼt know you.) 3. Nice guy (“Friend-zone) 4. “Potential boyfriend/husband (I like this guy, he has potential) 5. Lover Your goal is to get into box number 4 or 5 in every interaction with a woman, simply by giving off that vibe.
No women put you into box number 3. You put yourself in the friend-zone. If you are content with having a “nice interaction” with a woman you are interested in without showing your innate sexual interest, then you fail yourself and you fail her. Trying to be nice to her, trying to hide your interest is dishonest. Be a sexual creature.
Thereʼs a difference in being a sexual creature and a “horn-dog.” You donʼt want to be that guy who is all horny and humping her leg. Be the guy that is not afraid to express himself and be masculine. He is not being horny and aggressive. He is also not the unassertive, hesitant, “Maybe we can have coffee sometime guy.” Mindset moment: Donʼt apologize for being a sexual creature. Instead of trying to “befriend her” and to hope for the best at the end of the night, let your desires be known in a confident, non-needy manner. Move in with passion—without horniness. All women are your girls. Have compassion for them. The essence of charm is making women feel beautiful in your presence by just being you. Quotable quote: Live your life like every interaction with a woman is a seduction. Even if she declines your advances, there is nothing wrong with expressing your interest! Have fun, you didnʼt do anything wrong. The fact that she declines does not change your expression of interest. It is not dependent on her response. Example: Girl: So what do you do? Zan: I give women pleasure. Never tell her what you actually do; say something wild like, “A treasure hunter! Or “I am on an adventure to find beauty and adventure; do you wanna come?” (Compilerʼs note: This isnʼt a canned response to be used as such. This is simply a demonstration of the mindset you should carry yourself with.)
Points to take away: In response to what adventures do you actually take her on: Itʼs not so much a physical adventure than an emotional one.
On taking a girl out: It doesnʼt matter so much where youʼre going, but how you go about it. Itʼs not so much like a formal planned out special date. Youʼre already doing something and you just invite her along! Your mindset shouldnʼt be to go out to pick up girls. Your mindset should be to have fun and meet people and be honest and upfront about your sexual interest. Mindset moment: If it doesnʼt matter to you, it wonʼt matter to her. On age/any concern: A forty-five year old man had twenty-something girls with him all the time. Before they would bring up his age: “Whoah, youʼre kind of cute, but Iʼm old enough to be your father!” You take that objection off the table immediately in a joking manner. If it isnʼt an issue for you, it wonʼt be for her. Announcing it is better than trying to hide it. Quotable quote: You can never be too good. You have to show some vulnerability. Every seducer recognizes the secret to his power over women lies in the power they have over him. Everyone who is good with women knows that showing vulnerability is key. If you are too good, she becomes intimidated. • • •
Make fun and laugh at yourself Let her know that you are smitten by her…without being needy. Good seducers know how to inject vulnerability in the proper amount.
For instance, in response to something like “Wow, youʼre so smooth”: If a seducer knows they are overpowering her, they will back it down and say something like: “Iʼm overcompensating actually, Iʼm actually intimidated by you. Points to take away: • • •
You have to show flashes of humility and weakness Donʼt be too smooth; it may come up as intimidating to her If you go too far, she will reject you to prove a point.
Show this in your demeanor. Cary Grant, when asked his secret with women said, “I tell them I canʼt get it up.” The ability to knock yourself around and to be vulnerable in front of a beautiful woman comes off as massively self-confident. Donʼt make a girl the sole purpose of your life and the future. When you make her the adventure, you become needy and clingy.
Mindset moment: Never portray apathy or indifference in an attempt to sneak under the wire. Example: Girl: I need to get to know someone first to get comfortable. Zan: You and I have been connected forever. I am different from other guys and you know it. We are lovers, in every sense of the word. Girl: Lovers? I just met you. Zan: But we are lovers in every sense of the word. Girl: We havenʼt even made love yet! Zan: What do you think weʼre doing now? You are teaching her how to treat you. Stating that you are different causes her to view you differently. I am an honest guy, and you know it. Assume the mindset that youʼve already slept with her, and sheʼs just coming back over again tonight. You would be comfortable around a girl youʼve already slept with. Interact with her with that vibe. When you assume it, theyʼll believe it. If you present you desires without presumption, sheʼll believe you. Quotable quote: “Know this, Iʼm not just going to be your friend, because youʼre cute.” You can always talk about normal talk but you always have a sexual edge. You donʼt ALLOW yourself to be put into the Friend Zone. Be honest, and be sexual (without sexual perversion). If you do this, there will be no such thing as Last Minute Resistance if she continues the conversation. Example: Zan: Iʼm not from San Francisco. Are you from San Francisco? Girl: Yeah. Zan: Oh you are? I might need a new girlfriend when I move there. :P Points to take away: • • • • •
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Women believe in us until we show we donʼt believe in ourselves. A girl wants to be sexually intimate with you (even on a first date) They hold out only because they are afraid youʼre not going to respect her (what her friends will think) If she knows you never “kiss and tell,” then she will be up for a glass of champagne. Women will open up their bodies to you if they know youʼre not going to take advantage of her trust in you (ie: donʼt go high five your buddies right after). By assuming that you are already her lover, she will respond to you as such, because thatʼs how youʼre introducing yourself.
We instruct people on how we want to be treated. Parting thought: This is the goal: To be loved by women, to not manipulate them, to not be an asshole, all the while still maintaining a sexual energy and presence of a man—this is what itʼs all about. They will never forget you.
Monte Carlo Sessions: Disk 4 A one-night stand is essentially glorified masturbation. You donʼt have any connection there. Never begins an interaction with the intent of a one-night stand. If you delight in her enough that it doesnʼt feel like a one-night stand, she wonʼt think that itʼs a one-night stand. And it really isnʼt. You might not be able to see her again, but the attitude is that you want to see her again. Doesnʼt mean you will/are able to, but the intention is never just for a one-time thing. What do we really want—connection! Delight in your girl and her body; embrace and enjoy that. Always be upfront with your intentions concerning what you want out of this relationship. Mindset moment: Sometimes we donʼt know we want long term with a girl. Tell her that; you like her and want to see her again tomorrow, but donʼt project any expectations onto the future. Live in the present moment. Points to take away: •
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If you are honest about your intentions, she may be saddened because she did want something long term, but she will never be hurt in the sense that you lied or mislead her to believe something false. The truth is you donʼt know what the future holds; you may be with this girl for forty days, or for the next forty years. The key is to delight in every moment and take it one step at a time. Avoid the whole “I donʼt want to see you anymore scenario” by being honest and upfront with what you want in a relationship. “I like you today and I canʼt wait to see you tomorrow.” You donʼt boost her with false expectations; you promise to love her and delight in her in the NOW. Donʼt make things a “date.” Make things fun and light, avoid the serious heaviness (e.g. Zan invites two girls on the same date and transforms the “date” into a night with friends.)
Quotable quote: “Women are not attractive to men that are good looking; they are attracted to men that are compelling and interesting (that in itself is attractive).” •
Change the perception of yourself; become an attractive person. Overcome your negative beliefs of yourself. o “Give me five minutes to explain my ugly face, and I can bed the queen of France.” – Voltaire
o Nothing to do with looks and eternal things and everything to do with the way you carry yourself—your presence and aura. •
Understand the workings of women and see them in their natural state. Seduce them through the sheer force of an attractive personality.
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Relationships never end if you live your life this way. All the relationships you have with women, with people, never end. You are connected to all the women you have in your life. They are your past lovers, current lovers, and good friends. How? Because you are honest with her. You donʼt misrepresent yourself so she doesnʼt feel cheated. Honesty is everything. (e.g if you buy her chocolates and flowers when you are dating, but stop doing it when you are in a relationship, you are not being truthful.)
Mindset Moment: You are a man who loves women. Owning this mindset here is crucial. Points to take away: •
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Your perspective dictates your body language. When you are coming from a positive place, you stand taller and your movements become easy and graceful. Recall a good memory in which you were comfortable and confident and occupy it. Your body has memory that goes beyond that in your head. If you become that being in that moment, you will come from a place of power. When you move around the room, remember that your ancestors once carried swords and that you are grounded in the earth. Why should you be afraid? Everything flows from your image of yourself. How to move: with power and grace. When entering a room, assume a comfortable and confident posture, scan the room with purpose, and immediately, regardless of whether you know anyone or not, go and engage someone in conversation – smile and shake their hand. The thing you want the most in the world is to make a woman fantasize about the man who just incited such strong emotions of passion in her; you want to leave with thoughts of “Who was that man?” You create that emotional fantasy in them by being a sexual being.
Your mindset when entering a room of women should be one of delight and excitement of Don Juan, not the desperation and longing of a needy dog. You LOVE these women; they are inordinately gorgeous and beautiful because they are women – how are they
NOT delightful?
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO APPROACH HER. Women can sense a sexual being when he walks into a room. If one does not have sexuality within himself, women will not see you with any sexual energy. Women crave this, and you owe it to her to be a sexual creature. No mistakes of friend-zone then. Your duty to her is to convey a sexual energy (but not desperation) from the get-go.
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Zanʼs opener – Iʼm curious about _____. Open-ended questions that cannot be answered simply with “Yes” or “No.” Would you like more adventure in your life? – BAD. Where would you like more adventure in your life? – GOOD o Open-ended questions make you more receptive to others. o We focus too much on lines and what to say next rather than listening to what sheʼs saying. o Opening line is irrelevant; itʼs the next thing you say that matters. You can even just say hi! o Emphasizing “your” establishes a connection and makes it personal. o Always talk to people in the elevator.
Get caught in lies! But always be honest! Example: Compilerʼs Note: (Zan refers to his girlfriend as his sister, or a girl he just met as his “girlfriend.” Infuses a fun vibe into the interaction.) Enters a club with his girlfriend, sees a pretty girl.
Zan: I really like your dress. Girl: Thanks, isnʼt that your girlfriend though (points to girl next to Zan) Zan: (hides her behind his back) Who this? This is my sister! :P Girl: So where are you from? Zan: Iʼm from Vancouver. What about you? Girl: South Dakota. Zan: (with a mock-serious face) Never heard of it. :D Itʼs fun and light. Playful banter. You want a girl literally teasing and punching you in the arm…catching you in an obvious lie!
If a girl is cold or standoffish/ignores you/turns her back to you. Walk away without being upset. Donʼt try to engage a girl who is trying to be cold to your lightness. Sheʼs being rude to you—why do you want that in your life? You donʼt want a girl like this in your life. Donʼt feel personally rejected. You donʼt give a shit about her bitch shield; you donʼt allow this girl to ride rent-free in your head. You donʼt care. You donʼt have an agenda remember? Mindset moment: The really pretty girls never get approached, unless a guy is drunk. Then they get spit on. These girls are lonely! (side note: ask her if sheʼs ever been asked out – look at that, a talking point about women again!)
The Essence of Flirting •
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Attitude – carry yourself with grace and power that comes with knowing your place on this earth. Everything (Body language, voice, stature, etc) flows from this confidence and awareness of yourself as a sexual being. Awareness – aware of your surroundings and in tune with how women think Flexibility – unattached to the outcome, but not indifferent! Intent – the BIG important one. o Know why you are having the interaction. To get her in bed? No. For the sake of the interaction itself! You desire to have sex with her sure, but itʼs not your GOAL. You are unattached to the outcome, but not indifferent to her, on the contrary, you focus on her and are interested in her.
Parting thoughts: • •
Your ex-girlfriends should be your friends for life. Being the jerk is not as powerful as being a delighted, honest and sexual creature to a woman. o Leads to greater intuition on women, and in not pursuing sex; sex will find you. The Catch-22. o You move about women without apology and without presumption. o In being that guy who is respectful, honest, and not trying to manipulate them, they will open themselves up to you physically, as opposed to you trying to force the issue (Last minute resistance etc).
This is not a guarantee that every woman that comes into your room will sleep with you. There may be other aspects at work for why she wonʼt. That is not your goal. Your goal is to have the interaction because its fun for you and you get to enjoy the beauty of women, all the while being unattached to the outcome more often than not leads to women making their way into your bed. There will be no such things as getting lucky anymore.
Your intention should be to make women feel beautiful, simply out of your love for all of them. Women are lonely out there and they are waiting for something, anything to bring back passion and desire into their lives.
That is where we step in.
Monte Carlo Sessions: Disk 5 Oftentimes we look at women as some sort of fulfillment or validation in our lives (e.g. I have to get this woman so I can be cool, e.g.. Look at the cool new toy I have). We are constantly looking for that perfect girl, and she doesnʼt exist. Mindset moment: The secret to success with women: Beauty needs a witness. Points to take away: • • • • •
Women all around him are beautiful; they become beautiful in his presence – because he sees it that way! Tell her what you want! (e.g. you look like a nice girl, and I would like to have coffee with you.) Shift the way we speak into active statements of ownership (it was nice talking to you; Thursday night you should cancel your plans!) Iʼm a man, youʼre a woman, and I like that. Lead, lead, lead! Let them become girls again, become a man not intimidated by women. All women want romance.
Quotable quote: Instead of saying “What can I do as a man to make myself more attractive to women?”, shift it to “What can I do as a man to make women more attractive to me?” • • •
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Make a paradigm shift in your mind so you can see beauty. In trying to be cool and indifferent, we create a mask of our real selves. Women pick up on that. Itʼs not who we really are. Not authentic We think it works because women give us a phone number/sex and we think it works, but…women are horny too. Itʼs not something that we did; we just SHOWED up. Women can read our faces; they have been their whole lives. Guys want the object, while women want the whole relationship. We canʼt fool women. Change your perspective on how you see women.
The “Problem” with Compliments • •
We are told from the start that we cannot compliment women. We can. A compliment is not meant to make them like us more. Itʼs about us and not about her. Thatʼs wrong. We are looking for that positive outcome, trying to make her like us. Need to shift the focus of the compliment away from us, and onto her. There is no neediness there.
o “I was over there with my friends and I just couldnʼt help but stop and tell you how beautiful I think you are.” Truth; NO AGENDA. She can do whatever she wants with that, but it doesnʼt matter. •
Be open to all outcomes but attached to none. o Being unattached doesnʼt mean you donʼt care; you care a great deal, so you go and tell her how you feel. You are unattached to the outcome because the purpose is not to please her, but to express yourself. You are not responsible for her reaction. Control your vibe and demeanor. (If a woman is being mean/cold) Donʼt pursue a woman in which your energy is blocked. Cold shoulder? Just leave without anger and presumption.
Mindset moment: We already have everything we need within us; we just have to show up in the world. Points to take away: • • • •
One of the most common negative beliefs: Iʼm not good enough. – BAD. “Do we want to be men or do we not?” Men donʼt see the positive things in themselves. Men donʼt need seminars and self-help; they just have to go out there into the world of women. “You are already creative, resourceful and whole. Start believing it!” o “90% of success is showing up!” – Woody Allen
On Negative and Positive beliefs: • • • •
“Even the most successful people have negativity about themselves. o Megan Fox, one of the hottest people ever, thinks sheʼs ugly. We will never be 100% positive in ourselves. The moment you step out of your comfort zone, you have already arrived at success. That is confidence and masculinity, even with our nervousness and apprehensions – this first step is everything. Everything you want is outside of your comfort zone. Come out of it and take it.
Quotable quote: We donʼt just fear rejection and failure – we also fear success! • •
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If you could see what other people are thinking about you when you enter the room, you would be amazed. We are our own worst critic. We fear rejection and we hesitate as a result. Fear of success also holds us back (e.g. oh she likes me, now I have to be good, now I have to be dynamic, etc.”) We like holding onto our “wet blanket” of “weʼre not good enough.” We have to throw it off.
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“You know what, Iʼm a little nervous and Iʼm going to run out of things for sure, but I just HAD to come here!” Thatʼs powerful there. You are showing up. You are out there; doing something that is not safe or comfortable. Success is not simply the results we get (ie: phone number, date, lay). Our measurement of success needs to go back to ourselves. o “Did I show up and do my part as a man?” That is true success, not being dependent on her. She can respond however she wants, you expressed your desires with confidence. Phone numbers are wooden; they are given out en masse because she doesnʼt want to be the “bitch.” Doesnʼt mean she wants you to call her. Donʼt be excited to get the phone number. The number is not the result. Techniques can help you “show up,” but you need to move beyond them.
Be curious. Donʼt ask any small questions. • • •
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First thing out of mouth: Who are you? Tell me about yourself! Curiosity is incredible. “Iʼm curious about…” Donʼt dump your resume to a girl, but listen and be curious about her. Find out who this woman is in front of us. Stop trying to impress her as opposed to being genuinely interested in her and curious in what she has to say. We put up masks, our “cool persona” because we think our real self “sucks.” When you are with your guy friends, in your element, you are naturally you. You blurt, you tease, and you tell dirty jokes. The moment a girl shows up, you stop that; you stop being yourself and a man in hopes of trying to impress her. We become “cool” and “indifferent.” She wants to get to know that funny, natural guy with your friends. You just suppressed your MOST ATTRACTIVE self. We need to stop being so mature and serious. Be that guy who is alive! This girl is on a date with you! How fucking fantastic! Enjoy the fucking moment! Get that “WOW” and passion back. A woman should be like a surprise gift for you that you are delighted in.
Parting thoughts: Stop trying to worry about the next thing to say and just blurt. Speak about whatʼs on your mind and in the moment. • • • • •
Whenever she talks to us, too many times we get stuck on the next thing to say. Listen to her, and feel free to interrupt her. Thatʼs CURIOUSITY. Why arenʼt you in AWE of what is POSSIBLE? Can you imagine how many great things can happen in this very moment!? Sit down and have a conversation with her. Get her to reveal herself to you, her essence. You have a choice to see women in a certain way: something normal and unimportant— or as maximally beautiful beings.
o So when they are in your presence, tell them you see them that way, and tell them the way you want them to be. o Make them feel alive, beautiful and radiant. o Donʼt try to pursue an agenda or get anything.
Monte Carlo Sessions: Disk 6 Find out what is true to you in your life. Never stop searching for that. Mindset moment: The fundamental question you need to ask yourself is, “What do I want?” Points to take away: • •
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The greatest thing you can give to the world is to be 100%-honed-in on your authentic desire of what you want. Not a “wish-list” or goals. Itʼs not a mindful thing to wish to be a millionaire. Itʼs also not goal-driven of how to get something. Making a list of goals doesnʼt work. Stop trying to figure out how. Donʼt think about how to do something, just stay focused in upon what you want, even without knowing how. Pursue it with passion. In everything you want to do, in every moment, ask yourself, “What do I want?” (Not a bucket list) Itʼs not selfishness, because itʼs the greatest thing you can do for people. Being authentic and honest serves people the best. Walk towards your intentions each day and…
Quotable Quote: Ask yourself, “Is what I am about to do today the best memories I can make? If not, donʼt do it.” •
Obligations are sin; commitments fantastic. o This is not to say you donʼt care about anything/anyone. o Obligations create resentment and are forced. “Iʼve got to do this because…Iʼd rather do this but…” o The greatest commitment you can make to your family and the world: “Who am I and what do I want?” “I donʼt know how, and I donʼt care how, but Iʼm going to walk towards my life today because I set intention this morning about how I want my life to be. o We rush about our days and donʼt reflect upon ourselves. o Donʼt settle and be afraid of pushing the boundaries of ourselves.
We can take thirty minutes to watch a sitcom, but wonʼt spend thirty minutes to sit quietly alone to say “Who am I and what do I want?” It doesnʼt matter if you donʼt have an answer. Explore the confusion! Stop looking for answers and seek mystery.
Re-emphasis of Mindset Moment: Men who love women are loved by women. Points to take away: •
Compliment a woman in the context of all women. (e.g instead of saying, your hair looks fantastic, I love you dress. Look at your dress. I love women, and look at you!) Compilerʼs note: This is a very hard concept to articulate. Itʼs much easier to show than type. When you compliment her in the context of all women, you are elevating her to a representative of all women. Like, wow look at you, Iʼve had tons of experience with women and, look at how wonderful you look! Youʼre saying you love women and youʼre not afraid to show it.
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Donʼt diminish your ex to make ourselves look better and in the hopes of trying to make the other girl feel better. It doesnʼt work. (e.g. oh my ex-girlfriend was like ______, controlling, etc. our undertone is to try to covertly say “But youʼre not like that.” Instead, if you truly love women, you donʼt trash your exes. You had fun and memories with her. You donʼt take away from her. If you love women as much as you say you do, you miss all the women youʼve been with. o E.g. “She was a wonderful girl, and it just didnʼt work out, but I miss her every day. We friend-zone ourselves because we are afraid to express that we have a desire for women. She wonʼt throw us through hoops if we are confident in our expression of that. Stop trying to take energy from women, to take things from them, to get things. Share instead. You believe in women, make them feel beautiful and feminine around you. “Rise up, be beautiful around me!” Donʼt be afraid to show that you are a man and a sexual being. In our quest to be funny, cocky and charming, we lose connection with our “darkness,” our sexual energy. Sexual Talk: • •
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Men have a “cloud of horniness” around their eyes. Women come from a place of abundance. They know they can go out on any given night and have sex with someone. For sure. They donʼt look for that; they generally want something on a deeper level. Something that captures them, an adventure. Men, in contrast, come from a place of scarcity. Men donʼt walk into a club with assurance that they will 100% have sex that night. They think in the mindset of “getting lucky.” They want woman, because we lack it. If men got more sex, they would seek something deeper in a girl instead of just wanting to fuck.
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On going to seminars on girls: These guys donʼt just want to get laid— they want connection. $2000+ can buy a lot of sex; they donʼt just want sex. They want someone who cares at the fundamental level. Our “cloud of horniness” makes it easy to confuse lust with connection. o We always think the women that are attractive to us donʼt like us, and vice versa. o If we strip away our cloud of horniness, we will find that the women that REALLY attract us are also attracted to us. Talk to women on the same level as them, without trying to dismiss her and dominate her—even the most haughty and “planet” type women (the ones who have men constantly orbiting them) will become girls again. o Donʼt try to explain or justify yourself. Just connect with her and make her a girl again. o When women meet a man who can meet them with the same kind of strength and speak truth to them, not trying to get something from them, they will open doors for you.
Dance Metaphor Example Women want men to lead without being controlling. If a man is learning to dance, he can study all the books, take all the classes, but he canʼt truly dance without a partner. Dance is a twoperson interaction and when we lead the interaction, we can “spin” her without forcing her to “turn.” We raise our hand for her to spin, and we give her the space to spin around. Itʼs up to her if she does it or not.
Mindset moment: Itʼs not what you say to her, but what you say to yourself. Points to take away: • • • • • • • •
Lead! Never follow! Be honest and upfront with her! Make your interactions infused with fun and adventure Donʼt apologize for your intentions and your desires as a man. They are ALL “your girls!” You are a lover of women. o Do these things and women will never forget you. Your “outcome” is the interaction; women will get into your bed, if youʼre not trying to do it! A phone number given out even though it was not your goal will get picked up.
Never take advantage of women, nor respond to her challenges (ie: shit tests)
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Quotable quote: You donʼt have to do anything. You can live your life however you please. A man who has a compelling vision of what he wants in life is attractive to women. •
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Nice guys are nice and attentive, (buy her flowers, hold her purse etc.) they care about her. – women like that. o They donʼt like the fact that they are 100% available. Bad guys are focused on other things in life that arenʼt her (drama, etc) o They donʼt like being treated badly, beaten up etc. Combine the two: be a nice guy who has a purpose in life that isnʼt her. o A woman doesnʼt want to be the adventure; she wants to be taken ON an adventure. Everything in life is the pursuit of money. o We try to have more in life rather than trying to be more. o Follow what you desire in life and money will follow. o Stop pursuing money and start pursuing an interesting life. You have the right to be “spacious” and occupy your space on earth. o A girl has no right to push you down. There is no such thing as rejection of “you.” The woman doesnʼt even know us. There are many factors at work (ie: she might be getting engaged the next day.
Your perspective influences your daily life. o You can have one of “rejection,” that she wonʼt like you. Or you can have a perspective that she will like you. Itʼs a choice, an assumption Assumptions belong to ourselves, NOT her. We donʼt know anything about this girl; we canʼt tell what sheʼs thinking. o You can choose to have the perspective of inferiority and you will be fighting an uphill battle. o Or you can have one that is one that is confident in yourself. “I know what I want, I know who I am and Iʼm going to go talk to that girl, and itʼs going to be a fun interaction.” Think about what she is thinking. This guy approached me, I hope my hair is okay…I hope I donʼt say anything stupid…” GIRLS ARE JUST AS CONCERNED AS WE ARE. We choose our negativity; we donʼt have to have to! We think and live in the past, but we never live in the NOW. That is all that matters! Stop worrying about back then; stop hoping your past will change. It wonʼt. Our moment is today.
Mindset moment: You are who you are today, and you can make a change by making a choice about what you want in life. Itʼs that simple. Points to take away: • • •
Give women the gift of fun. The goal is the interaction, to make her feel pretty and smile every day. If you make women feel pretty and alive, they will give you phone numbers and go to bed with you. Complimenting girls in a different way, to make her feel beautiful rather than trying to get her to like you, comes from a whole different mindset. o Everything you should do with women should be enormous fun. o Donʼt back down, and donʼt be aggressive (in the presumptuous sort of way.) Sincerity and being upfront and honest in your intent is not aggression. o Have that fun energy exuding from you. Take her on an emotional adventure!
Parting thoughts: Be honest with yourself for the first time. •
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You might be with a woman for a few weeks; you might be with her for the rest of your life. Donʼt fear commitment; believe in beauty and romance. o Relationships die because we put a box around them. We promise things we canʼt know. “Forever” isnʼt honest. We canʼt know that! Just make a promise that you know who you are and you know who she is, and it may last forever! o If the man and woman arenʼt constantly trying to be more excellent, the relationship will die. Never settle, always strive for greater excellence. Move through life with grace. o You will teach women how to treat you, and women will move into your life in that same way. o Donʼt work to get past her shield, find women who are delighted in life like you are. “You had all these bad things in your life, and all these good things in life that created who you are today. And I like you for who you are today. Your past isnʼt going to change. But I like you today.” “Our past does not matter at all. Never again. You canʼt change your past, but you can change your relationship to it. You are who you are today, and you get to choose how you want your steps to go forward tomorrow.”
You get to choose. Finish
