Women Are Complicated

Before you leave the house, make sure you know what each item actually is. is. You may have to ask her to explain things. The largest can of something is not necessarily the size she wants. Get her to be specific. specific. Be sure to get all the items on the list. She will probably care more about brands than you will. Don’t substitute something “just as good” for what she specifically asked for. For example, “Cheese Nips” are NOT the same thing as “Cheez-It” crackers. I’m sure of this. If you have preferences on things like ketchup (Heinz vs. Hunts), you should tell her, but don’t make it into a huge deal or  you’ll hear about it later. Don’t be surprised if her grocery list is not in a sequential order  such that your path through the supermarket is the absolutely most efficient one possible. That’s not how women make make grocery lists. Even if you go to the store often, you probably will have trouble finding things. Ask someone. Your wife knows you are frequently going to do idiotic things and is sure that only really smart thing you ever did was to marry her. She likes it when you say you don’t deserve a woman like her. It’s probably true, so try hard to deserve her at least a little bit. Everyone else’s marriage seems perfect compared to yours. That’s only because you have no idea how many problems they have. You can learn from other people’s marriage successes and failures, but don’t be jealous. You probably have it a LOT better  than they do. Try to remember that just because you are fixated on sex and see a phallic or other sexual context to nearly everything, it doesn’t mean your wife does. She gets tired of that and thinks thinks it’s juvenile. juvenile. It’s probably worth mentioning what I’ll call the Low Expectations Strategy for dealing with with your wife. It is highly risky and requires innate skills, no fear of slow painful death, and a lifelong commitment. This is something you can’t can’t teach—you either have it or you don’t. The Low Expectations Strategy Strategy is basically this: consistently treat your wife like dirt and never willingly or knowingly accommodate ANY of her womanly expectations. It is almost almost as if  you are consciously consciously NOT meeting those needs. Under this Low Expectations Strategy you cannot show weakness or any •

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