ULTIMATE TEXT COMPILATION AND GUIDE
Compiled by Intro LEGEND:
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=Weak =Pretty Good =Very Good =Flawless =Needs to be Calibrated correctly for use according to Emotional Progresion and your frame =Needs further field testing =Another Forum Members Suggestion =Needs Work, if not useless altogether =Personal Suggestion
OPENERS
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How's my favorite little brat doing? A/S- Better to add a number. How's my 3rd favorite brat doing? I just made you open your phone for no reason...looks reason...looks like like I got you in check=] IHOP - ness. Spell Spell out IHOP aloud then say 'ness' Hey, goober, I just saw the the cutest little X and thought of you You wouldn't believe the the dream I had had last night P/S: You were in my dream last night (Good opener for flakes) Its me, your your cell that is, not wanting wanting anything in particular right now, just just wanted to get out of your pocket, smell from your genitals is unbearable, take care. P/S Instead of smell from your genitals use you really need a shower, or it stinks down there, N/C Heard you were attacked last night and the assailant gave you a choice, giving him your phone or sucking his d*ck, seems you still have your phone N/C I hope you are smiling. If not just think of me! A/S: If you're not smiling, then you're not thinking of me. =P Me sticking sticking my tongue out at you I am luring women to my house with candy... do you prefer skittles or M&M's? A/F: (Bring preferred candy to next meeting, funny.) (Also, after reading posts they always pick skittles... I’m going to actually try and bring a fun pack of skittles when I’m out and use this as a funny opener. If they say skittles, I’ll take out the pack; pop one in my mouth and say, "want a skittle?") P/S: That is absolute and TOTAL GENIOUS! Want a Skittle?! :D Maybe it’s the booze talking, but I want you to know I love booze. Let’s party like rock stars that only only play video games!
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Smile if you masturbate **** (I've also used this while in the same room as the girl so you could actually catch em smiling. It's money.) Let’s do the whitest thing imaginable. What sort of trouble are you causing? P/S: I like to add: **** You’re doing something boring aren’t!? ;p If we were snow monkeys I’d pick the dead skin and insects off your fur even if I wasn’t looking to mate. Did I just see you?? What are you wearing? (This one's fun, you can always play it off like) PUA: Oh, because I thought I just saw you just now at (such and such). Do you really think I get off on that stuff? You pervert! Girls are gross... What are you doing, cutie? :-) Listen, we need to talk... Remember that Cinco de Mayo is an important celebration for Mexicans everywhere except almost all of Mexico (seasonal) I know my math u+i equals 69 N/C Why aren't you here right now!! (Good when you're at parties) P/S: If she doesn’t know where you are, or even: *** You have to get your ass over here! It’s CRAZY! OMG, Becky, look at her butt! SURPRISE! Hey goof, I bet my weekend can beat up your weekend. A/F: I bet my weekend can kick you weekend’s ass! Ciao Bella! / Mi amore! / My Cheri amore! I just finished balancing my chi, what are you up to? 192y - (62*84) = 12x + 45y solve for x and then graph (Sometimes I’ll send girls complex math problems. No matter what her response is, I do not text her back hahaha. Keeps up my degree of unpredictability plus is non-needy cause I’m not texting her back) Knock knock...
ATTRACTION
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If I was your coworker, I'd sexually harass you (If their is sexual tension) I think we should just be friends with sexual tension (If their is sexual tension) I bet you think you're hot and smart enough to be a pain in the ass (If acting feisty) P/S: Also amazing online opener! Sorry to break up with you via this text I know we haven't really dated but I think we should stop seeing each other. I just don't think we should do this anymore... Sometimes you make me feel like I am just a piece of meat.
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Let's fly to Las Vegas, get married, argue about our third kid's name, divorce, and grow old lonely and depressed
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I don't know who you're boyfriend is...but he's not spanking you enough! I don't think you're ready for this jelly Awww, you're so sweet. You're making me get diabetes I just don't think we should do this anymore...Sometimes you make me feel like I am just a piece of meat. Hey! My friend just called me and said he saw a goofball running down the highway in her shit-stained underwear… if you need a ride, please call me Call me on 02078377324, my batts bout 2 die, I need a word, its urgent! Hey babe, just making sure you’re smiling! Well now I can cross that one of my list and go talk to some other hottie Remember, the best way to forget about, your ex is by having sex with me ;p The police have found a burnt body, except its fatter and with a smaller brain than what’s common, please let me know you’re alright
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Hey! I really miss you and want to see you badly BUT this dumbass security guard won't let me in the zoo. Can you escape? I suggest we drink before we go out drinking I couldn't get through Mondays without knowing you're equally miserable (For negative girls) *dirty text message* P/S: Younger more tech savvy girls tend to get this better Just saying hi and wondering if that morning-after pill worked (Good set up for sorry wrong person) Don’t miss me too much. Hey, you know what would be awesome? Going to, (venue that the HB dislikes) I think that would be in my top 10 of awesome shit to do.
PUSH-PULL
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Out of all the (first name) (last name)'s I know... I think you’re my favorite. P/S: NONE! This is GOLD! You just popped into my head so Hi...now please stay out of there P/S: GOLD AGAIN! PUA: Hey I was just thinking about you, wish you were here(so you could cook me something and do my dishes (You can replace the parenthesis with anything you like, other examples: -So you could fetch me a drink and give me a foot massage -So you could clean my house and do my laundry (You get the point. I've used these for years with great effect. It sounds like you're being sweet at first but sets up the frame that you are the higher value one in the relationship)
BALL BUSTING
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If you ever disappeared while hiking, I'd remain with the search party until it started raining Two billion years of evolution and that’s the best you can come up with?
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Hey! I really miss you and want to see you badly BUT this dumbass security guard won't let me in the zoo. Can you escape? Hey…do me a favor and text me right back. Just hi or something. My friends don’t believe retards can text. We'll show’em lil buddy
“MA SS TEXTS”
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Today is HOLY SHIT YOUR HOT DAY, send this to someone you know who is HOT, just not to me, I’ve been getting this fucking text all day ;p Remember guys tomorrow is "Hug a retard" day. . . So don’t freak out like you did last year, NO ONE IS TRYING TO HURT YOU! One hundred percent of homosexuals check their text messages with their thumb. Too late to switch fingers now! haha =P
SAME NIGHT **** Sweet dreams, sexy. :-) [Your name] **** Hey I hope you got home safe. [Your name] ****
So bottom line you kinda impressed me tonight...and I don't get impressed very often. Keep up the good work ;)
COMFORT
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You make me feel like a pudgy, naked, winged child has shot an arrow into my chest cavity I couldn’t help noticing that you’re mind-blowingly hot Something about u seems to always make me smile. Don't get too horny without me :P
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Thinking of you. (and taking cold showers) =D I was thinking of you... I've been telling my mom about you, and she said I should call.
FLAKES/GONE COLD **** Hey, just been sorting out my phonebook and found out I have three ’s, which one are you......the crazy one, the hot one, or the shy suggestive one? **** I just met your twin! **** I don’t know A/S: HB: You don’t know what? PUA: What? Oh sent that to the wrong person, sorry. What kind of trouble have u been causing ** I like talking to you and I don't play games. I think we're really good together. Lets try it if not that's cool and I'm glad we met. * Its a shame that you keep passing up the chance to have fun with quality people such as myself. I guess I'll delete your number. Hit me back if you think otherwise." (This always gets a good response if they are still interested. If no response... click click, DELETED!)
P/S: Seems like a needy threat?
W H O I S T H I S?
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Prince Charming, duh.
PHONE BLUR
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I'm glad we stay mildly interested in each other's lives Wanted to touch base in case you get rich
MULTI-LINER OPENERS
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PUA: What do you call a fish with no eyes? HB: What? PUA: Fssssh ;P PUA: Is (girl’s first name) a good name for a baby girl? HB: Of course! PUA: Oh that's cool. I was just wondering cause I got a girl pregnant. HB: I don’t believe you! PUA: Fine, I’m not naming it (girl’s first name). **** I forgot my shirt of the floor, ill get it this weekend" (Use this one MID AFTERNOON... They always take it that you "accidentally" wrote to the wrong girl. It’s a great way to get a response. HB: You’re such a player PUA: You are reading it all wrong, was at a guy friends house playing B-ball today and forgot my shirt PUA: Hey… do me a favor and text me right back. Just hi or something. HB: Hi.... but why? PUA: My friends didn't believe retards can text. Boy, did we show them! (Make sure she doesn’t have a relative that is mentally challenged if you use this
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PUA: Club Sandwiches HB: What???? Or Club Sandwiches??? PUA: Not Baby Seals
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Just saying hi and wondering if that morning-after pill worked Worked perfectly... Especially since we both have a sarcastic sense of humor. HB: Dude seriously... you have the wrong (her name) PUA: I told her I needed something else besides a 2-digit number next to her name in my phone HB: The best one... -Qualification :-) (Do you think it would be a good idea to text her "fine, I’ll put that in, but you need to put ": the crush" next to my name”? I heard putting a word in along with your name in someone’s phone is a good idea) P/SPUA: Only if you change my name in your from “Future Boyfriend.” ; P
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(It’s a good C/F frame, this is a routine stack too, may work well though, N/F) PUA: Brrr, its cold out. Think it's nice and warm in Belize? HB: I would go out on a limb here and say yes PUA: woo, road trip! Assuming you're up to it
MULTI-LINER ATTRACTION
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PUA: So are you in love with me yet? HB: Blah PUA: Wow (you’re/you) (lasting/lasted) longer than I thought/give it 15 mins... PUA: Don’t worry you’re still my favorite girl -wait 5 minsPUA: Or at least top 5. PUA: Who is this? HB: [girl’s name] PUA: I know...I'm just being an ass PUA: You know what I hate? When you're minding your own business then... BAM! You’re being attacked by flying monkeys. HB: I didn't know monkeys could fly PUA: That’s what makes it so hateful. I'm never expecting it. HB: What are you talking about? PUA: I knew it! You're one of those flying monkey lovers, aren't you? PUA: Remember guys tomorrow is "Hug a retard" day. . . So don’t freak out like you did last year, NO ONE IS TRYING TO HURT YOU! B: Okay, remind me to give you a hug when I see you B: Haha! You’re getting an extra hug when I see you tomorrow. P/S: (I’d follow up with something like, good you can make up for the black eye you gave everyone last year, lol.) 6 truths in your life: 1. You can't lick all your teeth with your tongue. 2. You're an idiot, because you just tried to proof truth number one. 3. Truth one is a lie. 4. Now you're smiling, because you're a goof. 5. You'll send it to another idiot in the near future. 6. You're still smiling ;-) PUA: Congratulations HB: BLAH/WHY? PUA: I was just thinking of you. Congratulations =) PUA: Hey I’ve been thinking.....want to rob a bank with me? HB: HAHA, What? (Or something of the sort, most girls will play along) PUA: Seriously, I need a partner. Are you driving or are you shooting HB: Blah blah PUA: Oh a badass huh PUA: Hey chocolate or vanilla? HB: Vanilla PUA: Awesome I love that too, you’re my new txt messaging girlfriend for Thursdays HB: Awesome PUA: Ya I’d say out of all the 9 txt messaging g/f's your number 6 HB: How come I’m number 6?
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PUA: Hey number 6 tell me what are your 3 best qualities and don’t you say your looks? HB: blah blah blah PUA: Well you've officially cracked the top 5 you’re doing well so far but are you cool? P/S: PUA: Well number 6, there is a way you could possibly move up in the ranks… HB: What?! PUA: Send me a picture and maybe if it’s a good one you will ;P Hey slut, come on over so I can get you drunk and bust a load off on your face HB: Laughs, or pissed (If pissed Respond: Oh I must have mistook u for someone who had a sense of humor, dork hehe but I still love you - so don’t go jumping off a building or anything) ~Alternate~ Hey you cheeky-slag, orgy starts at 8:00, but be there early so I can get you while you're still fresh" HB: "hahahaha shut up " PUA: "Fine. Well, can I at least get seconds?" HB: "I’ll think about it what are you up to?" ~Alternate~ P/S: Be the one in control, for example: PUA: Hey you cheeky-slag, orgy starts at 8:00, better be there early so YOU can get ME while I’m still fresh HB: Hahahaha shut up PUA: Guess you will have to settle for what you can get then! ;P HB: Fine, I will be there extra early!
MULTI-LI NER COMFORT
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PUA: Did you know that LIPS and KISS are typed the same way on your phone? HB: Ha ha, oh yeah, you are so cute blah blah PUA: I love how soft your lips are, I can't wait to kiss them again. PUA: Hey can you help me study? Or Hey I need help studying? HB: Sure what class is it? Or studying for what? PUA: Sex 101/Sex Ed
ROUTINE STACKS
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PUA: I forgot, are we fighting and most importantly am I winning? 1. HB response 1: What are you talking about? 2. HB response 2: When are you coming back to shitburgh, I thought we were getting married?\ 3. HB response 3: very cute, k, you got my attention now what are you going to do with it. 1. PUA response 1: Stop acting up little sis 2. PUA response 2: I am too high maintenance for you, I need you to wine me and dine me and give me good backrubs. How are you with
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backrubs Gemini girl? 3. PUA response 3: You need better lines to get me then that little sis Just saying hi and wondering if that morning-after pill worked HB: Dude seriously... you have the wrong (her name) PUA: I told her I needed something else besides a 2-digit number next to her name in my phone HB: The best one... -Qualification :-) (Do you think it would be a good idea to text her "fine, I’ll put that in, but you need to put ":the crush" next to my name" ? I heard putting a word in along with your name in someone’s phone is a good idea) P/S: ~Variation~ PUA: Only if you change my name in your from “Future Boyfriend.” ;P (It’s a good C/F frame)
SITUATIONAL BIRTHDAY FUNNY
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Today’s the anniversary of you being expelled from your mother’s uterus. Wishing you happy birthday makes me feel gay You would have loved the gift I didn’t bother getting you. It’s your birthday but I’m still going to try and get all the attention. ( (Situational works for any event: house party, pa rty) BIRTHDAY BALL BUSTIN G
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I’m not making any age-related jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are. I remember when you weren’t so disturbingly old. I’d like to take you out for your birthday when it’s convenient for me. Sorry, you didn’t remind me it was your Birthday. Sorry your age means you’re no longer the primary target market of pop culture marketers. Happy birthday to someone I can tolerate! I hope your party doesn’t fucking suck. (Situational, can work at any party not just bdays)
