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THEBUGGER! eila H e ro s h f f shoos o d r shit-liza g n with t ho ca se G ree np ea ce g ets th e sh its a nd ch a rg es h er w ith sca ri ng p ro tected m a n eati ng re p tiles, stood on t h e b a nk a nd w ent eye b a ll to eyte h b a ll w ith th e sla ver ing ri ver di nosa ur, W HA CK IN G HE R THO N G loudly a g a inst h erh a nd a nd in its tooth y fa ce. T h en sh e took a stick a nd ch ucked it in th e w a ter. Th e sp la sh it m a de w a s terr ifyin g . Th e cro c kn ew if sh e dep loy ed h er secon d dou b le p lu g g er h e w a s doom ed , so h e fu cked of f,sh itting h im selfand m a king th eE a stA llig a tor
M E D w ith onlya sing le dou b le p lu g g er th on g , th is h ero ic la dy a nd h er m ig h ty dog , M ea tb a ll , p ut th e f ea r o f croc odile J esus i nto a four m etre lo ng m onster S a lty th e oth er da y in t h e stea m y de ep no rt h . Th eknob b y, P E OP L E E A TIN G CU N T h a d b ellied up to Ca h ills Cro ssing in th e Ter rit ory, a fa v ou rit e feeding p la ce fo r c ro cs, w h er e t h e b ra v e l oca l s tood h er g ro un d, sta re d h im dow n, a nd den ied h im la nd fa ll .
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R iver e ven b ro w ner.
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POT THE DI FF ERE N CE BE ST F UCK
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OR al l ofyo us e ou t th erwe h thou ght po rn wa s just ROT AN D G IG G LE , ri s in g Se po po rn star Pri sti ne Edg e il l se t y a st ra gh t. Thi s perk y -titted ny mpho reck on s th e on lywa yto ma ke i t i n th e wi, l wo nd e rf u l w or l d o f P L E IE A i s to tak e i t ser i ou sl y an d wo rk or , , wo rk , ju s t l ik e h e r he r oi ne J e n na Jameso n,who mad e mor e bu ck s out of scr een fu cks tha n an y on e else in hi story . Pristi ne wants to be just li keer,h
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w Tits
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even down to delivering her ver sion of J enna’ s tr adem ark wet, sloppy blowjobs. “ S he ’ s m y f av ou r ite po r n star of all time. I really look up to her , ”says the am bitious 27- year- old stunner from St L ouis, M issouri . So you’re not just in this for a bit of a laugh and all the orgasms you can eat then? “ I’ d t el l a n y g ir l wan ting to get into por n to keep it professional and look at it as a career, not a party – even though it is fun!” Atta girl! You still enjoy watching it, but? “ I used t o wa tch por n at h om e with my boyfr iend to g et in t he m ood –now I w atch it just for homework!” Yeah, that’s our excuse, too. So far we’re top of the class. How’d ya get into the biz? “ I wa s a d ancer for seve n year s. Th e fir st tim e I w as approached to do porn I was 21 and turned i t down. Then a couple of years ago I started doing webc am w ork, I was approached again and this time I was ready.” So are ya lovin’ it or what? “ I do l ove it! I get paid t o ha ve fun and have sex.”
“Ilo ve g ivi n g m e ss yb lo w jo b s a n d I’m What’s your SPECIAL SUBJECT? “ I love g iving m essy bl ow jobs an d I’ m pr ett y goo d at it, too. ” They all say that, but have any of your male co-stars had cause to make a complaint about your technique? Be honest. “ O f cour se n ot , I’ m a p r o! ” Yeah, we kinda had the impression yo u were. Don’t forget us when you’ve made your first BILLION . 6
d r a HD G E !
pr e t t y good at it , t oo”
Fl a s h
Believe it or not, this shit happened!
SKULL BUGGERY
They were ust taddies a minute ag o...
A LL C hi ne se bl oke X ia Yua nh ai w an tst hi sC hri ssi ei saH A T tha t F ITS .Th e 53 -year- ol d, w ho lives in the vi llag e o f L ao tu i n C h on gq in g, sou th-w est ernC hi n a, ha s faci al hyperpl asi a, an A LL EN FUN T ofa con di tion tha t cau sed hi s on cehandsom eboat -r acet oB ULK UP to its pres en t pro po rt ion s,as w el l asren de ring hi m pa rt ial ly de af an df uck ing up hi st ee th.B ut the go od ne w si shi sol de rbro,X ia Yu an cha ng is f un d-rai si ng for an op erat ion to rest ore Yu an ha it o B ra d P itt le ve ls o f k iss a b ility.
BRASCO FROGS
y m la A , y tt e G , e p o c s l ra t s u A
2
PLEASE HEADBUTT ED DI EM CG U IRE
TH E floodsi n c ent r al N SW br oughtm uc h har dshi p to the loc al s, s o w hen one w om an w ent hom e af terbei ng eva cuat ed the fir stt hi ng she w ant ed to do w as to have a COM FORTI N G CRAP in he row n br a s c o. Buth er ni ght m are w asn’ tover – w hen she lifted the lid,i nst ead oft he w el co m ing gl eam ofw hi te por cel ai n,s he w as greet ed by the evi l,beady eyes ofdozens ofbri ght gr een fr ogs. A M PH IB IO LO G ISTS r ecko n a cr eek m ust ’ve flooded the sew er age sy st em ,w hi ch then bac ked up int o the house,and the fr ogs jstrec koned livi ng in a dun ny w as heaps ni ce r and deci ded to st ay .
W ED R E W ƒ C O C K O N IT
COFFEE TO GO O UR nextm or ni ng c uppa c oul d gi vey ouaTH R EE A Y ST IFF Y. M ake rsof Sti ff u ll,an ew bran do f instant co ffe e in th e US ,sa y i t h el p s cof fee dri n ke rs “st ay ha rderl on ge r”t ha nk st o se cre t trad ition al h e rb s f a.rom gl esofien ts Msourced al aysi “Th the ese jn in gred producea naw esom eef fect that can lastup to2 –3 da ys, ”t h ey cl ai m .B ut the US Foo dan dD rug A dm in ist rat ion say it’sm ore like ly dow nt ot hed oseof desm et hyl carb od en af il,a d rug si m ilarto V iag ra, in e ve ry cu p .S till,w h ateve r ge tsyat hrou gh the da y, eh ?
I’M GUNN A HAVEA FAT W HI TE
G arn, bl oke
s–
FUCK
IT
CARP ARE CRAP CA RP are fa t, sli my CUNTO XE N of thi ngs tha t seri ous ly fuc k up ev eryAus tral ia n ri v er they ’re dump ed in to. So G OO D ON po m f is ho Ti m W e b b f or ca t ch in g t hi s wo r l d rec ord 100kg BL UBBERGUT S afte r a 90 min ute tussl e in Ban Pong , Th ai lan d. On y a, Ti mbo. But BOO -HI SSto hi m for no t deep fry in g the blu dger , in stea d rele asi ng it in to hi s ow n ca rp fi she ryfor othe r NUTT Y an gli ng ty pes to come an d ca tch.“ Hav in g a fi sh of tha t si ze gen era tes a lo t of i nte res t, pe op le wi ll wa nt to co me an d ha v e a go at try in g to ca tch it, ”he gag gled . Fi sho s are DIF FE RENT .
M
G -N
G IN !
I CAN’T FEEL MY ANUS AN YM O R E !
WHAT THE FLOCK?! A P O MM Y s he e p f ar m e r is s o pi s s e d off with passi ng SW AGMEN knocki n’ off hi s J UMBU CKS that he’s spray ed his flock FL UORO ORANGE. Pip Simpson, fro m Troutbeck, nort h-east En g l an d , sp r ay e d 800 of h is S H EE P Y PALS wi th lum inous orange dye to make them le ss attractive to sh eep-
rustlers. He’s worki ng on the theo ry that no-one would ste al a RANGA R AM . “Ove r t he l as t f ou r ye ar s w e have had nearl y 3 00 sheep go missing or pinched,” he said. “ The only solution we could find was to make them complet ely different to everybody els e’s.”
DON’T MAKE THE RANGA SHEEP ANGRY
BEYOND BLUE
PIS SI NG rai n an d NA D-S HRI NKING COL D wa ter di dn’ t deter 500 pasty poms from hurling themse lves ST ARK NAKED into the m urky North Sea at Druridge Bay, Northumb erland, the other day. T hey were partakin g in the fifth annual Nor th East Skinny Dip, whi ch raises dosh for a mental health charity – ap propri ately enough, ’cos y ou’d hav e to be FUC KEN C RAZ Y to do it. At l e as t t he y go t a n ic e B LU E- IS H TAN f or t he ir e f fo r t s .
go Nunga-out nymphets on nude holiday rampage! E N acou pl eof fun lo vin ’,f re e -w h e e lin ’ SP U N K YA U SSI E B A B ES takeaho liday tog et h er, you can expec tB U LK N U D ITYandsom e TON GU EYLEZ ZOSH EN AN IGAN S. S oi t cam et op assw he nT rixi e (bl ue sho rt s) and N um - N um s ( pi nk sh ort s) d eci d ed to sp en d the ir ho ls sw im m ing, bush-w al ki ng, P A SH IN G andW AS H IN G eac hot her ’sB U M S. It al l start e d to g o a b it N UD E SH A P E D on the firs t dayw hen Tri x and N um s set of fon a bu shw al k, on ly t o f in d th em se lves su fferi n g bad ly fr om SW EATYC RA CK Sand IN TI M ATEC H AFI N G. N um s, be ing the brai nyon e,
W
fig u red th ati f th ey too k th ei rcl othe s off ,th in g s co u ld on ly g e t b e tte r.
10
C’ M O N ,TR IX, LET’ SG ET NAKED
!
11
I’M CHA NGING MY NAME TO SANDY MCCRACKEN!
12
They did, and things imm ediately got FU CK EN FANTA STI C. U n e nc um b e re d b y CL O B B E R o f any kind they frolicked though th e scrub like a couple of SEXY BIL BIES. Making their way down to the b e ac h, t he y ha d a s q ue al y le zz o make-out session while wri thing around on the sand. W ro n g ! In n o t im e a t a l l t he ir delicate and frag rant LADY BIT S had become – and we hate to s ay this, readers – somewhat GR IT TY . So it was off to the showers for some intense de-winglin g, with each girl givi ng the ot her a thorough GOING-OVER. Then it was off for a TOPLESS COFFEE in a TOPLESS COFFEE SHOP, and after that they went home and had a NICE FUCK .
WATCH OUT FOR KLINGONS!
RO Y NE L S O N
MM A fig hter, Roy ‘ Big Country’ N elso n, has recen tly put the “ cunt ” righ t bac k into his 1 1 7kg nickn ame. A fter stom ping bulk SH A D E S O F SH IT out of Antoni o Sil va in Brazil, Bi g Royga veth e re f a ki ck in th e ars e an d th e mid dl e finge r fo r no t st op ping th e figh t ea rli er. UF C pre side nt Dan a Wh ite L OST HIS TITS and said Roy nee ds “ to be buried ”for touc hing a referee. Then he hired an exc av at or be cau se th e ho le wi ll ha ve to be really, really big.
YOU W ANN A PI ECE OF THIS?
C HM
P I
Count the calories for th planet s, ’cos they don’t and W E L C O M E TO T H E W I ST LI N E
A C D C’ s luck y its lat est lea d singer , A xl R ose, didn’ t eat A ngus f or be ing nam ed after a steak, then scoff the rest of the band with custard and try take a bite out of terrified gig- goer s in the fron t row . T hey’ re pr obably only n ow sa fe cos A xl ’ s cheese - fille d chubche eks were obsc uring hi s P IGGY VISION .
BRE KI NG DO W N T H E W LLS
YO U know you’ ve succeeded as a wobbling CHUN KOSAUR US whe n firstresp on de rs ha veto b re ak do wn a wa llan d us e a fo rkli ft to ha ul yo u of f to ho ss ie. In Augu st 201 3, Khali d bin Mohee n Shaari , all 61 0kg of him, ha d tobe tra ns po rte d tosurg eryso 317kg of GL UE Y L ARD cou ldbe siph on ed from his massi ve bod y. Whi ch he proba bly then ate in a smoothie.
This is his version of jog gin g
14
BANANORAMA FATT ER tha n a H ARVEST PI G a nd sm ar ter than a basketi s how M ea tus , a r hes us m ac aqu e at O saka zoo,l ike s to rol l. H is fol ds off lab w er e due to peopl e throw ing ina pp ropri at e tuck er like ho td og s, tur duckens and deep- fr ied M ar s bars int o hi s en cl osu re.B ef ore bei ng puton a di et ,he topped out at30kgs - thr ee tim es the usual w ei gh t forana du lt m acaq ue .
NS ! se huge ham someone oughta BIG SEX Y AT 13 0kg , Seppo m ode lTe ss Hol lida ym a y be a H U M AN BLI M P, butshe ’s a hel la se xyhum an bl im p.Each ofher m ight y, babys m oo th thi ghs w ei ghs as m uc h as tw o nor m als uper m odel s, w hi ch she probabl y at e deep - fried for lun ch.D on’ tcare.There can nev erbe TOO M U CH ofa hot tie.
Can also be used as draft excluder
TH E FA TT
.
PET H A TES
N O Te at ing isw hat these tw op orked-up di s licke rs hate t he m ost .M ee t D en n is t h e 2 5. 4 D ach su nd an d M ea tba ll,the w orl d’ s f at test w ei gh in g i n a t 16 .3k gs .L yin g a rou n d l ike fat, sausos w hi le M EA T- C U ST A R D is r am - funn e the irgu tsi sw h at th eyl ive– an d prob ab ly –
g at urry ed in to e for.
D o u g ’s a r b ig g e r s ta t h a n K im K
E ER! Daredevi lm onosaround entire Isl e ofMan TT course
UGE - CA GG ED Po m Do u g ie L ampk in ha s be come th e first bl oke to whe el ie a murdercycle the entire terrifying length of the famous Isle of Man TT racet rack. U tilising all the craft and skill he acquired not ching up 1 2 Wor ld T rials championships, Dougie, 40, did the 60.725km cour se in a n im pr essive one hour and 35 minutes.
l o o P t n e t n o C ll
In that time, he rounded more than 200 corner s and climbed to an altitude of 422m, all on only one wheel. He also battled fer ocious 65km h w inds carryi ng the sour beer-breath of P om pissheads sucki ng back pints in ever y pub along the Mountain Course. D ougie’ s fir st at tem pt w as del ayed for 24 hours by even more ferocious winds, but com e k ick- off h e w as k een to GE T CRACKING. “ F rom the w ord g o it was so intense, ”he r evealed after the r un. “ Up to 1 0 times I came close to dropping the bike , and I t hou ght I’ d lost it tw ice. I w as just han ging on, rea lly. ” But hang on he did, front wheel proudly in the air and with his giant cojones slapping painfully against his cramping thighs. “ It w as n’ t o ve r un til a coup le o f metr es from the end, ”he bleeped later. “ B ut that last coupl e of metr es was just am az ing.” N ow he’ s just g otta get u sed riding to on two wheels again.
u B d e R
HAEM
ST
ND
FUCKEN ERRH
OI DS
ELI ND D
VER X X X X
Tru c k ie s U n ite d H o o d ie
W e a r yo u r h e a r t o n yo u r s l e e v e
D y n a m ic A r t w o r k iq u e A u s s i e a p e d Z ip P u l l
E a s y -c a r e C o t t o n -b l e n
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Q. W HAT DO YOU C A A DEAD MEMBER OF ISIS? A. W ASW AS. “When I w as grow ing up, m y father w ould often com e hom e stone d. He w as an adulterer and w e lived in a Taliban village .” – H ayden Black
Q. HOW DO YOU BLOW UP AN ISI S MEMBER’S PHONE? . AIR PLANE MODE.
I
The hac k ng gr oup A nony m ous hs
“The y’re alw ays g oin g,d on ’t de alw ith
declared w ar on ISIS.Which is ironic,
terrori sts.Let’ s d ea lw ith th em .What’s
because now they’re being attacked by 72 virgin s.
Allah offerin g you b oys,10 0 virgin s? We’llg ive you 50 slag s.” – Fran kie B oyle
Q. W HAT’S THE SMALLEST ORG AN I N A GOAT? A. AN ISI S SOLDIER’S DIC K.
Q. W HY ARE THERE NO I SI S MEMBERS I N STAR TREK? A. BEC AUSE I T’S THE FUTURE.
“57 virgin s you get.My arse.Whata re
“I’m no t w orried ab ou t Islam ic suicide
you g un na do w ith 57 virgins? You’ve just bom bers,they can o nly do it once.Now a blow n you r ba lls off.” – Billy C on n olly
H ind u su icide bo m be r,tha t’s m ore of a threat.” – Jim m y Ca rr
Q. W HY DO MOST RAPESPORTE BY ISID? S GO UNRE A. BECAUSEGOATS .
Q. W HY DOES I SIS C ALL C AMELS ‘SHIPS OFTHE DESERT’? .’ ’ OF SEMEN.
astards b b m u d t Jokes abou
who blow themselves up
“Th e n ai vet yof A l- Q ae d a tryi n g to b rin g re lig io u s w a r t o G lasgo w .W e’ r e40 0year s ah ea d of you g u ys You ’ve n ot e ven g o t af o ot b al lte am ” F ranki e B oyle
M YNANS G O T B IG G ER BALLS T H A N IS IS
A nI si ssui ci de bom be rcar ried ou t hi sm issi on an dm ade it to h ea ven ,w he re he fou n d h is 72 vi rgi ns .P robl em w as, th ey w ere a ll bl ok es p layi n g orl d of arcra ft .
. DID YOU H EARABOUT THE SECRET ISIS SEX TOY ACTORY? F A. THE Y SPECIAL ISEIN BLOW-UP DOLLS. W h en terrori st sf ee d the irchi ldren ,do th eysa y“op en w ide ” w hi le zoom ing the food throu gh the ai r m aki ng ai rpl an e n oi se s? O r do the y j st sm as h i t in the ki d ’s f ace ?
X X X X
S 185CM
ANYONEGOT ASTEPLADDER?
Y
OU can than k the S NOO TY, H EIG H TIST CU NTS in the fas h ion in d u stry for b ein g ab le to s ee B laire n ak ed in front of you tod ay.
The 18-year-old Se pp o w an ted to
be a fashion m odel,but – som ew hat cruelly – w as told to G O AWAY. “They allsaid I w as too tall,” sig h s the 185 cm ,18-year-old TOWER o f TERR IFICNE SS and form er school volleyballcha m p. So B laire too k h er loo oo n g leg s,h er perky C-cup titties and her m uscular, hy pnotic BUM and em barked on a careeras a nudie m odelinstead. An d look ing atthe results ofthis,
E 'S GO T
S G
A nd Blaire knows how to use them
he r very firstm od elling sho ot,tha t’s a w in for us.And you. To pu t he r HE IGH TINE SS in perspe ctive, sh e’s e xa ctly h alf a m etre taller than pop ularGam e ofThrones sh ort-arse Peter Dinklage,and a goo d 15cm – or a stockstan dard,n on -porn PE EN L EN G TH – taller than Tom Cruise. An d that’ s b efore she b u n g s on stilettos. C on side ring tha t m ost of he r seem s to be m ade u p of leg,leg an d m ore leg,w e figu re B laire has a LO NG fu tu re in fron t of h er as a n u die p erson ,bu t if th at ever f alls o ver,she h as p len ty of other option s. We w ere thi n kin g sh e’d b e g reat at givin g giraffes prostate exam s,gettin g tenn is b alls o u t of roof g u tte rs,or playin g in th e forw ard pock et for the S w an s. O n ly trouble is,she’s so tall,she n ee ds som eone to give her FOOT MA SSAGES. An y volu nteers?
Y o u r e J o k in g Q .W H AT’ S TH EDI FFE R E N C E BE TW E E NAC OPPE RW IT HA SPE E D GU NAND GO ING DO W N ON A W OM A N? A .W HE NY OU GODOW NONA W OM ANYOU CAN SE E THE CU NT B E H IN D THEB USH .
A B LON DE w alks u p to the librari an an d says,“I’ m he re for th e porn try-outs. ” “This is a lib rary,de ar,” says th e d isgu sted old l ib rari an .
OKEOF THE WEEK
W INS
SPI CKY, V I A EMA I L
“Oh,sorry, ” w hispers the b lon de .“I’ m he re for the po rn try-outs!” V E SS, L O G A N , Q L D
A FATHER asks his ten-year old son if he knows about the birds and the bees, and the kid immediately bursts into tears. Confused, the
10 0
A FELLA arrives home from work and finds his father asks what’s wrong. “Well, when Iwas 6, Iyou told me thewr e’s wife stressed because the kids had been running no Santa,”the boyd.sai “ A t , I got the no ‘ Easter wild all day. Bunny’ speech. When I was 8 you told me there’s She asks if he would take them out for a pizza. no Tooth Fairy. If you tell me that grown-ups He tells the kids to go into the garage, and don’t fuck, I’ll have nothing left to live for.” BRA D the builder wa s on he t thir d floor follows them. A few moments later the wife hears when he realised he forgot to bring his saw D.H., VIA EMA I L two loud bangs. with him. He shouts to Paddy, but Paddy The guy comes back into the house and asks, can’t hear him. So he uses sign language. THRE He E b lok es are w orking on a h igh rise “O K, that’s done –wher e’s my piz za?” b u ild in g.C h oo k fall s off an d is k illed .As th e points to hi s eye (tosay “ I”), then to hi s knee F.K. , VIA EM A I L (“need” ), andthen he mov es his handack b am bulance takes the body aw ay,Sim m o and forth ina sawingmotion(“saw” ). says,“Som eo ne should g o d tellh is w ife.” A DR UNK w as stagge ring dow n an alley Paddy gives him the thumbs up, then he Macca says,“Ok ay,I’lldo it.” carryi ng a bo x w ith ho les in the side s.He drops his daks and starts wanking. Tw o h ours later,Macca com es back bu m ped into a frien d w ho a sked,“What’d carrying a slab of VB.Sim m o asks,“Where Furious, Brad runs downstairs. have you got in the re,m ate? ” “ W hat the he ll are you doi ng, Paddy? ll A I did you ge t tha t,Macca?” “It’s a m on go ose,” the drunk replied . “Ch ook ’s m issus gave it to m e.” said was I need my saw!” “What haveyou go t tha t for?” “I know, ”says Paddy. I was “ just letti ng “That’s crazy! Youtold h er her husband “Well,you k now how drunk I can get. you know I was coming.” w as dead and she gave you beer?” When I getdrunk I see snakes,and I’m scared to death o f sn ak es.That’s w hy I got
L.P. , JINDA
B YN E, N SW
“Bu ttha t’s stup id! ” the frien d said. “Those snakes are justim aginary.” “That’s oka y,” said the drunk,show ing his friend inside the em pty box.“So is m y y m a l A
m ongoos e.” TERR Y, HURS TVI LLE, NSW
Macca says,“Not exactly.I sai d to her, ‘You m ust be C ho ok’s w idow ,’ and she said,
this m on go ose,for protection .”
Q .HOW M ANY CAL ORI E SDO YO UG ETF R O M E ATI N G PU SS Y? A .I T DE PE ND SON W HI CH W A Y SH E W IPE S.
No,I’ m not a w idow .” An d I said,“Wanna b et a slab on tha t?” C.H. , GEELON
G, V I C
A M A N is in a baron top of a skys craperwhen another man walks in and asks the bartender for a whisky. He downs it, leaps out the window, floats GA I L, YAN CHEP, WA back up and climbs back in the bar. The other man at the bar is amazed and asks A WEE Irish lad is crying his eyes when a man the man how he did it. walks up him. Fellling sorry for the lil fella, the“Easy,”says thean. m“ O utside thi s window man asks, “W hat’s wrong twiya,young fella?” are strong wind currents which you can ride back The boy sniff les, M “ e ma just died.” to the window.” “O h Jaysus!”the man ys.sa“ D o you want me “Wow!”says the man at the , “Ibar gotta tryt.” i to get Father O’Riley for yez?” He leaps out the window and falls to his death. The boyreplies, “No tanks , mister. Sex is de “Fuck Superman,”says the bartender e to th last ting on me mind right now.” other guy.Y“ ou’re a jerk when you’ re dr unk.” GEOFF, B
ENA LLA, VIC
QUOTEOFTHEWEEK HUGH, DAINTR
EE, Q LD
“YO ULO O K LIK E W H AT H AP PE N S W H EN TH E M O R N IN G -AF TE R PI LL K IN D O F W O R KS .” JEFF ROS S
G ot a grouse jok e? Po st it or e m ailit to Picturejoke s@ bau er-m edia.com .au an d w e’llsen d you $ 20 if w e pu blish you r jape .PLUS Jo ke of the W eek g ets a YO OJ $ 100!
THEPROFESSIONAL ACTOR,COMEDIAN,TOOLMAN: TIM ALLEN
““TO G E T A M AN’ S AT TE NTI ON , J US T S T A N D IN FR O N T O F T V AN D D O N ’TM O VE. ”
“MEN ARE SUCH LIARS.WE’LL LIE ABOUT LYING IF WE HAVE TO.I’ M AN ALG EB RA LIAR.I FIGURE TWO G OOD LIES MAKE A PO SITIVE. ”
“MEN LOO K AT WOMEN
“IGR VERYLE W ARUPIG NE A FA M ILY; IN EV ER EVENS LEPT A LO N E UN TI L AF TE RI W AS M AR R IE D .”
HE WA Y MEN LOOK AT CARS.EVERY MAN LOOKS AT FERRARIS . NOW AND THEN WE LI KE A PICK UP RUCK.AND WE ALL BUY STATION WAGO NS.”
“ Y M OTHE R “M SA ID TH E O N LY RE ASONM E NARE AL IVEI SF O RLAW N C AR E AN D V EHI C LE M AI N TENA N C E.”
PAMELA ANDERSON POLISHED MY TOOL
“I DO N’T THINK I’LL EVER GET MARRIED
AGAIN;INSTEAD,EVERY FIVE YEARS OR SO,I’LL JUST FIND A WOMAN I DON’T LIKE AND GIVE HER A HOU SE AND A C AR.”
TH EJOKE SONYO U
THIS WEEK:HIPSTERS
Q .HO W DOY O U DR O W N A HIPSTER? .IN THEM AI NS TRE AM .
Q .H OW D OYO UGET AH IPSTE R TOE A TAHOTDO G? A .PU T IT IN AM AN B UN . Tw o hipsters w alk into a
I farted in a room of
b a r.The fi rsto n e did it
ipsters and I w atched
be fore it w as cool,and
hem fight each other
the second on e d id it
over w h o h ea rd it first.
iron ically.
Q .HO W M UCH D O ESA H IPSTE R W EIGH? A .AN INS TAG RA M Ifa tree falls in th e forestan d n o on e is around to h ear it,a ip ster willbu y it o n vin yl.
Q .W HYD OH IPSTE RSO NL Y US E T H E M IC R O W A V E? A .TH EYD O N ’TL IK E C O NV EN TION AL O VENS.
Q .HO W M A N Y H IPSTE RS D OES ITTAK ETO SCRE W INA LIGHTBULB? A .OKHIN,YOD OUFWAN OOULD ’T E K N O W ,IT’S B SCN UR NU M BE R.
I’M SAVING UP TO BUY SOCK S
I m et a couple of hipsters tod ay,and the y yelled at m e for m aking fun of the m .Turns o u t th at t h e p o litically correct te rm is “conjoin ed tw in s”.
23
Re a d e r s ' W o r ld HE RBIEGOES BAN AN AS! I J U ST wanna nominate Charlotte from B urleigh H eads, H omie of the Week in issue 1415, as hottest ever Aussie H ome G irl. She has perfect C-cup titties, a tight littl e arse and her shaven smoo is a work of art. Plus she’s pretty as all fuck and has beaut blue eyes. Please make her a pin-up or something so we can all see more of her. She’s a doll! I can stop thinking about her!
THE BI GGER, THE BETTER!
HER IE, COLLAROY, NSW
O u r w o r k re le a s e le tte rs e d ito r Send yourw ords, pics – W HAT EVER
– to M ungo atRea der s’
World c/o T HE PI C T URE,G PO Box 52 01 , Sy dn ey,NSW 200 1,o r em ailthe big fella atm ungo@
bauer -m edia.com .au
MUNGO SAYS: Well, Herbie, I have to admire your taste. Young Charlotte is, as you say, the epitome of Aussie spunkitude. We will see what we can do about getting her back for an encore. I’ m pretty sure you’ re not Robinson Crusoe in thinking she’ s hot stuff. I’ m kinda blown away by her meself.
MUN GO’SON TWITTER Tha t’sr ig h t, I’m tw eeting m eh ea rt out fo r t h e p eop le . N one of th a t w h a t I h a d for b rekk y o r I j us t do ne a b ig p oo stuf f,j us t m y us ual class y sh it.It ’s a t: h ttp s: tw itter. om
T eP i tu reM n g o
ONTHEPL US SI DE EAT THI S 1415 thatinvented the H amdog has inspired me to come up with my own fast-food hybrid. Y ou take a fresh, tasty C hiko R oll, and bung it in a pita bread with hommos, tabouli and a slash of chilli sauce and you get – ta-da – the C hiko-bab! I t’s bound to be a winner, all I need now is some bucks to get ti started. NEIL, NEWSCASTLE, NSW
MUNGO SAYS: Mate, you’ve got my mouth-watering already. I can’ t wait to get one in me gob after a fewdozen beers. Use your $50 well, Grasshopper, and I expect to see the Chiko-bab at a late-night vending van soon.
M U N G O , you asked for plus-siz ed models we would like to see in the PICT U R E . G ive Ashley G raham a phone call and ask her to pose, I’d lov e to see her voluptuous body. .C., LE OPOLD, V IC
MUNGO SAYS: I asked that? Ok, if yousay so. But it sounds like me, ’ cos I like women with meat on their bones. I’ d never heard of Ashley, who is what they call a plus size”Seppo lingerie and fashion model, but now that I‘ ve checked her out, I think I’ m in love. She doesn’ t do nude stuff, but she looks pretty hot in her fancy undies, so that’ll have t Thanks for the tip.
MUNGO W AN T ST OK N OW Now it’s ge tting ho tag
it’s
ev ery A u stralian ’s res p o en su re the ir b eer is ke pt as co ld as po ssible.So I w ann a see an y p iccies yo u h ave of you r fan cy, tarted -u p a n d p erso n alise d E skies an d be er frid g es,an d if I u se ‘em I’llp ay ya $1 00 !
EVERY LETTER PRI N
LETTER OF THE WEEK
W I NS
R W ITH A PI CTU RE
W I NS $ 5
I NS $ 100
$200
TRIPLE TREAT
This week’s question: If yo u w ere th e P M , w h a t’s th e firs t th ing you’ d do
N H, YOURS RE W Y BIGGER
Editor
James Cooney Or der p izz a Senior writer
Roger Crosthwaite uy ever yone a b ee r Writer
Thomas Oakley-Newell Hous ep a rty a tK irribil li Editorial coordinator
Emily Rattenbury Legali sega y m ar riag e Art director
Tony Halpin Ch uck a sicki e Photo editor
Bonnie Weigand F ree t h e ni p p le National Sales Manager
Pat Campbell (02)9282 8369 pcampbell
I O FTEN grab m y m an’s PIC TU RE for a
the My Fuck page so t he other r eaderscan
perv att he Hom e G irls and to read w hattheyshare in itas w ell.I LO V E Y O U SE ! have to say.T hey are al lso sexy, espec ially som e of t he exotic ones from overseas,and
L. M . BYRO
N BAY
N SW
MUNGO SAYS I L OVE YOUSE, TOO! heaps of hem t reckon they are bi,w hich has I’ m sur e your bloke will appr eciate that . gotm e thinking.O ne of t hese days I w antto A nd if he do esn’ t, he’ s a f ucken idiot. arrange a threes om e w ith one of these A s you point out, fi r st an d for em ost w e honeys f or m y bloke so he can hav e the are a m agazine of ideas, dirty or experience oftw o w om en,and I can sat isfy otherwise, and if we can help just one m y lustfora hotpiece of pu ssy.That’s oneA ussie of b lok e scor e a ho t th r eesom e, then the greatt hing aboutTH E P IC TU R E – it it will have all been worthwhile. Be sure puts lots of di rty ideas n i m y head! W hen I to let us know w hen the deed i s done. getitallorganised I’llsend you a l etter for Sharing is c aring, after all.
bauer-media.com.au
National Group Sales Manager Men’s Lifestyle DivisionBrigitteGuerin Publisher, Specialist Division Cornelia Schulze Associate Publisher, Specialist DivisionEwenPage Director of Media SolutionsSimonDavies General Manager, Marketing NatalieBettini Circulation Strategy ManagerPaulWeaving Research Director JustinStone Commer cial Manager Lucille Charles Designer in ChiefTonyHalpin General Manager Media, PublicA ffairs Brand EventsDeborah Thomas Production Controller JamesCooney Chief Executive OfficerNickChan
Published by Bauer Media Group
ABN 18 053 273 546, 54-58 Park Street, Sydney, NSW 2000. ©2015. All rights reserved. The trademark THE PICTURE is the property of Bauer Consumer Media Limited and is used under licence. Printed by PMP Print Pty Ltd
BLING IN THERING! I BE T K im K ardashian w illbea bit m ore carefulaboutwhere she keeps herjew ellery from now on.My suggestion w ould be to keep allher bling in the safestplacepossible – up herhugearse.No robberw ould go in afteritforfearof getting lostup there.
K .M . TEN TERFI
ELD N
SW
MUNGO SAYS F ai r cal l. Youco ul d get a jo b as her se curit y ad vis er, I rec kon. Min d you , so meon e woul d have to get th em out for her every day, so you ’ d r eall y hav e to ea r n your mon ey.
We d chuck our junk in her trunk...
ABN 76 051 706 499, 31-37Heathcote Rd, Moorebank, NSW 2170. Head office
Level 11, 54 Park St Street, Sydney. Postal address: GPO Box 5201, Sydney, NSW 2001. Phone (02) 9288 9686. Fax (02) 9288 9151. Melbourne: 102-108 Toorak Road, South Yarra, Vic 3141. Phone (03) 9823 6333. Fax (03) 9823 6300. Email
[email protected]. Distributed by Network Services, 54 Park Street, Sydney, NSW 2000. Phone (02) 9282 87 77. Recommended retail price. THE P ICTURE accepts no responsibility for loss or damage of fr eelance contributions.
ISSN1033-3258
ic s
H o tter th a n a 1 0 0 iPhone
W HO I N VIT ED MY MOTHERIN- LA W ?
n i v h t e M tt o c S
! HE RE T O L E,HEL WH L
S T O P F UC K EN P RES S
GO TH E B LU E S! VER YON E j s t lik e h o t loc v e s w h a le s c o s th e y h a v h ic k e T IT
s . A n d th e w h S a n d S UC K L th e b ig g e s t a le s w E th e b u lk -u p to 1 w4 h a le s – a r e b lu e w h a le s ith th e b ig g e s t tit s – ’c o sir y o u n g th e y ’r e 0 w 0 h 0 ic 0 h k g c a s .T ng is a n a d d e d b o n u s . T h e s e h e y a ls o lo o k a b it lik e G I r o w to 3 0 m a n d t p oe wn isn -l o fo So hk aink to o lik h a d a n Ee sn kc imo u on tefisrh e r m e n fr o m AthN eT c Do ILa sDtaO lS w h ic h E X P L O D E D frg w a te r -e le p h a n ts w h e n w ith a tr ib e o f th e s e b e lo A la s k a n h a v in g a q u ie o m th e w a te r s o f N o r to th e m a m m o th m a m m a v e d H A R P O O N a n t fis h a n d a fe w c a n s a n dn S o u n d . T h e lo c a ls w e r els th e E s k im o s d g e t th e ir m a te s a r o u n th e ir fir s t in s tin c t w a s o u t r e s tr a in e d th c a n o n ly le g a lly k ill b e lu gd fo r a b ig w h a le b a r b y . toB g o th e th e m s e lv e s e m s e lv e s . B u t th e b ig b a a n d b o w h e a d w h a le s u t s in c e b e fo r e s w im .mT h e y k e p t e r u p tin g fr o m lu e b a s ta r d s d id n ’t r e s tr a th e y th in in g a w a y s in g in g lik e B e y e w a te r to H E A D B U T T T H o n c é a n d fa r tin E S g p r o fu s e ly . K Y
Damien, gentleman of leisure WHO
WHERE:
Deniliquin, NSW
A
MAN of few words, for reasons known only to himself Damien established his man cave well away from home. TELL U S ƒ BOUT IT,DƒM O.
“It’s in a factory in anindustrial area. It’s sorta half warehouse, half man cave.” ƒT LEƒ ST Yƒ WON ’T DI STU RB TH E NE IGHB OURS. WE N OTI CE TH ƒT ROCK, N OT TO M EN TI ON ROLL, PLƒYS ƒ B
IG PƒRT I N TH E I N TERIOR
DECORƒTION. T ha t ’s a c D am
ow
ok e.
oul dn’ t
d ri nk an d dri ve.
“Yeah, I like mymusic. A lot of the music stuff is from this band Dead Daisies, made up of members of a lot of other bands like Thin Lizzy, Whitesnake and Motley Crue. I was fortunate enough to hang out with them a bit when they toured Australia with KISS.” Y ƒ OLD GROU
PI E! WH ƒT ƒBOU T THE
REST OF THE GEƒR IN THERE?
“It’s all crap I’ve collected overthe years. Still am, actually –I’m always acquiring more crap.” YEƒ H ,BU T C RƒP ’S G OOD. WE LOVE CRƒ P .Yƒ GOTTƒ H FƒV E BITS ƒN
ƒVE CRƒ P! .ƒN Y
D PI EC ES?
“I suppose the KISS stuff. That’sall pretty good.” TOP CRƒP!
ONE THI NG ƒBOUT
TƒLKI N G ƒB OU T CRƒ P,TH OU GH ,IT ƒLWƒ YS Mƒ KES U S THIRS TY – WHƒT Cƒ
N Yƒ PULL US ƒT
THE BƒR.
“Ah I’ve beenmeaning toput thegear in so I can have beer on tap behind the bar, but I just haven’t got around to it yet.” N OW TH ƒT’S C RƒP !
8
R O
O L L K ‘N ’ S K
W hat mor e could you want?
See m ore at AUSSI E MAN CAVES on Facebook
Ta lk in g D ir t y ISNO RM AL NOTNOR
M AL ?
I’ V E always been vanilla in thebedroom. I don’ t know if I ’ d enjoy kinky stuff because I’ v e never had the oppo rtunity, but I also don’ t have the desire. I ’ v e had girlf riends that liked to be spanked a little, which was cool, but it really didn’ t do anythingfor me. I read some of the lettersin the mag and I feel like I’ m a bit weird because I just like it nice and simple. A m I weird, Trin? D A V O, R UT
,
CRAZY?
TRINITY SAYS: No, you’re not weird. Just boring. Some people, like you say, I S TA RT E D seeing this girl who works as a are ‘ vanilla’ and they like it that way, nude waitress and wants to become a feature but that’s only because they haven’t dancer.She’ s a top chick, but it’ s still early been with someone wild to show them days in our relationship. M y mates have the way. How can you know if you’re warned me not to get too attached ’ cos they into something unless you’ve tried it!? reckon that most strippersare either cra y
M YTH -B US TE D
WIL L playing with my tits maketh em grow
gger, Trn ty ?My oy f r en say s tw . A nd he insists on playing with them every ay to prove his theory. B ut I’ m not sure that t’ swo r ng. Is t ar ea t ng? P C ,W EBB
,Q LD
RINITY AY : laying with your tits wouldn’t increase them signi cantly enough to justify the theory. Yes, it omotes blood circulation which wil eep them so t and plump but they won’t grow bigger.
or druggos. N ow, I know that my mates are talking out their arses, but what do you reckon, T rin? W hat percentage of strippers t at you’ vewo r e w t
ave a “ssues” ?
O C , B EL CON N EN , A CT
RINITY SAYS: Ha ha! They all have issues of some sort (some pretty normal, others a little more intense mate but so do “non-strippers”so tell yourma tes toge t ucked!I she’s a good g rl, she’s a good g rl; pla n an simple. Don’t let the job stereotype her. was a stripper, I’m fucking awesome and, yeah, I’vegot an issue or two, but it oesn’t make me any less wife material then the next roa .
GI VEH IM A HAND
wr t ng n. I ave a pro em w enever a r gve sm ea ow o , nom atter ow ongs e oes tfo rs ec an nev erma em e cum. The gedt re mere all thi clonkin se bguab t I out never nu t. I’ ve trie laxing, ot ert ngs, as ngt egr to o tf aster an eeper, utn ot ng w or s. I av e no
“HO W CAN Y OU K N O W IF YO U’R E IN T O SO M ET H IN G UN LES S Y O U T R Y ? ”
100 uncensoredsex advice from Australia’s hottest stripper !
picturem ag azine
W IT H T R I N I T Y
PictureMun go
The w w w .p icturem ag .co m
I LOVE A GOOD FINGERING
problem coming w hen I have intercourse or getting a titty-fuck. But oral – nothing. Thi s has been with every girl I’ve ever fucked or fool ed around with. H ope you can give me some advi ce. Thanks. J EZ , V IA EMAIL
TRINITY SAYS: I wouldn’t really say it’s a big problem. It’s not like you’re not coming at all. See, as much as a lot of guys have problems coming too easily twitehy jizzing also have problems doall andothe 90 r of the timetoit’s in your head. Just try and forget about t and stop worrying. If the volcano is meant to erupt it will!
G E OLD Q UES TION of girls aged between 25 to 35 and they loo k way older than that. They l ook more like they’re 40. A few A sian girls around t e age of 30 look li ke they are 19. Is it all ust genetics, or is it too much drinking and rugs in early y ears? AHMED, SUNNY A NK, Q LD
RINITY SAYS: Which site are you looking at, mate? Being a bit u gmental, aren’t we? Try meeting a woman in person; that usually works a lot better than just going off a p oto. Pictures don’t always capture a person’s true essence. Some of the pre ettiest pictures turn out to be the ug iest bitches –remember that!
N UM BE RS G M E H O W many times a week should a healthy co ple be having sex? We’ ve been together for 4 years and we have sex a couple of ti es a week. But my mates say that’s not en ugh. W hat do you reckon is a healthy number? F. ., EDITHV ALE, V IC
TRINITY SAYS: A few times a week, maybe 3-4, is definitely a healthy number. I’d be happy with that and so should any man! Ultimately, though, everyone is different, so don’t compare
T R N T Y ’S S X T P
If you’re thinking of having a threesome, be sure to do it with people who are on the same sexual level as you, otherwise it’ll be nothing but a waste of time. For example, if it’s going to be two girls/one guy, be sure that both the girls are into licking pussy too! Get everyone involved! yourself to anyone else. Just do what’s best for your own relationship!
would be best. K.L., SPRINGV ALE, V IC
HOW TOS EX Y I’ V E always been the shy type, so picking up women has been beyond me most of my life. I’d like to get to a point where women are attracted to me. How can a bloke start to become sexy and desirable to women? TRENT, V IA EMAIL
TRINITY SAYS: Women love confidence so you need to grow some balls, mate. How are girls supposed to be into you if you’re not secure with yourself! Work on that first and the rest will flow.
LOUD N D P R OUD
TRINITY SAYS:How does getting your own place sound? Surely it’s time for you to move out of home. People tend to find it a lot sexier whentheir partner’s parents aren’t in the next room. Seriously, time to grow up and not worry about soundproofing locations.
D R YT R Y M Y G IR L FR IE N D gets heaps wet during sex
as fuck. Then I suggested lube and she freaked out. Is it becaus e the foreplay is not enough?? A.L., CA RAMATTA, NSW
I L O V E having really loud sex and I currently don’t have a place of my own. It’s really hard to get my parents out of the house. W hat kind of locations re a good for loud
TRINITY SAYS:You answered your own question, mate! Clearly you’re not arousing her enough. A dry pussy is a clear indication of that. So put in some effort before you stick your dick in. Oh,
roots? I’ m loud enough to disturb neighbours,
and spitting on it doesn’t count!
TRINIT Y WANTS T O HEAR F ROM YOU!
Do y o u h ave a q ue sti o n o nl y a S EXPERT like T ini ty ca n a ns w er? Do y ou w an t so m e a d vi ce o n w o m en in g en eral ?Or d o y o u j us t w an t to a sk a b o ut her X XX-r ated se x life?Y EA H?T e n w ri te to T lk in g Dirt y Wt h Ti n ity, c o THE PICTURE, G PO Bo x 5201, S y d n e y, N SW2000, o r se n d a n e m a il to tri n ity@ b a u e r-m e d ia .co m .au . Sh e ’s w a itin g !
31
a
I
T’ S a da nger ous w orl d out th er e. We dunno whether there was some You can stub your big toe getting form of ancient oriental martial arts out of the shower in the morning, involved, but suddenly the avo had the infection can set in by smoko, bloke on the ropes with a knife planted you’ re in em ergency at lun chtime firmly through his left mitt. Sor ta like how B ru ce L ee wou ld’ ve and dead by knock-off. So yo u can’ t be to o caref ul. E ven th e don e it, ex cept it’ s a fu cken avo cado. seemingly harmless activity of cutting Well, the bloke was so firmly up an avocado for morning tea is fraughtattached to the thing he had to take it to with danger . hossie with him, and we only hope that Tr icky bastards, avos. J ust when you the doctor s, once they’ d det ached the th ink you’ ve got ’ em dow n fo r t he coun t,str oppy stone fr uit, didn’ t just chuck t he the y’ r e liable to get back up of f the tasty champion away. canvas and go ya. Wipe the bloo d off and it wo uld ’ ve made some hungry surgeon a nice little This poor bugger was probably thinking he had the situation well under post-operative snack. control, looking forward to a bit of avo So to the victim with the perforated H a ha, you lost a on t oast, spr inkle of p epper , squeez e of paw, we can only say: lemon, lovely grub, when the cunt o f a fight wi th an avo cado, and …GE T U P YA thing turned on him. SOOK!
H O LY
ƒM GUƒC
OLE!
WHO: A N ON YM OU S A VOC A DO F A N CIE R
WHERE: THE KITCHEN, PRESUMABLY
WHƒT: HE HAD A KN IFE -F IGHT WI TH AN AV O
OUCH
F ƒC TO R
92
%
IT’ S BE TTE R TH AN BE IN G MU GGE D BY A WAT ERME LON WI TH A MAC HE TE!
P i n u p
y h p a r g o t o h P il l e n u o K
JO B
Cece is Sydney’ s happiest esco rt!
P U BLI SH MY OW N SEX BOOK”
I
N A w orld w here
“An d a s a result of th at,I’m
peo ple o ften w hing e
ex ce p tion ally g oo d at it.I d on ’t
a b o u t th e ir daily
th in k there is an y other 19-year-
g rin d ,it’s refresh in g
old g irlou t th ere w ith s u ch a
to m eet so m eone
h u g e c ollec tion of sex stories
w h o ca n ’t w ait to g et
like m ine.I ha ve enou gh
stuck into her w ork ever y day. Es pe cially w h en h er job is w ran g lin g th e stiffies an d p u ttin g sm iles o n the dials of h orn y blok es righ t h ere in Oz. Go rgeou s 19-year-old
m aterialb y now to p ub lish m y ow n se x bo ok ”
S oi t’syo u rcal lin g – yo u r VO CA TI O N youm ight say. .. “Well,w ho do esn ’t love an d need sex? In m y opinion the
Ge rm an C ece (that’s pron ou nced pu rpo se o f life is to m ak e o th er ‘si! si! ’,a s in ‘yes! ye s! ’) lo ves
living be ing s h ap py,an d I h ave
her gig as a S ydne y-base d
already do ne m y part in ha ving
esco rt,often tou rin g th e cou n try m ade lots and lots of m en super to b rin g h ap pin ess to th e o th er
hap py.And I’m look ing forw ard
cap itals as w ell.
to m any m ore orgasm ic filled
“The best part abo ut sex w ork for m e is tha t I’m so w ell rew arded for doing w ha t I love, eve ry sin gle da y,” sh e told u s BETW EEN B ONKS.
years to com e!”
S o yo u ’d b e a b it of an ex pe rt in al l th e l atest tech n iq u es fad s and trend si n the ol d no oky gam e t hen?
35
P IN -U P
#
6
B O J
“I wo u l d n ’t c al l m ys e l f a n w h e n it c o m e s t o s e x u al it y. ” ‘e x pe r t ’. Th e r e a r e ju s t s o m an y An y region al favo u rites from you r trave ls? w ay s t o p l ay , a n d I b ar e l y ha ve any experience in BDSM or “I fo u n d D a r w in m e n ve r y sexy, and hav e fantasies ab out pegging, for example. Hopefully others will teach me.” gett ing down and dirty with the Don ’t ask u s.We m ust’ve m issed tradies ther e whenever I walk tho se lesson s in sex ed at past them. I’ m constantly gettin g sch oo l.Wh at othe r stu ff g ets distracte d by gorgeous m en. I you r LOVE MUFF IN a ll bu ttery? love a guy in a suit, b ut I’m just as drawn to men who don’t care “So m e p e o pl e m ig h t g e t a at all about t heir looks. I fi nd shock but the ultimate turn-ons for me are gang-bangs and cum confi dent m en are the hottest .” Now tell us som ething DEEP and faci als. W hat’s better than one PHILOSOPHICAL. sexy man? Many sexy men!” That m ake s sense.In fact, “ The best mem ories I hav e ex actly the sam e p rin cip le ever had in my life were always w orks w ith beer. How have sexual. The only things I deeply you fou nd your Oz exp erien ce?
“I fe e l g r e a t i n Au s t r al ia , w it h it s l a id b a c k s u r f e r s a n d outdoorsy blokes . I definitely prefer the Australian mindset
regret are the sexual pleasures I’v e m issed out on by the way.” That soun ds b oth m ean ing ful and horny at the sam e tim e, Cece!
Fi n d h e r a t h t t ps ://t w it t e r .c o m /re ig n c e c e
I LA I FLEWWAEYRSE SEXUAL”
T O T H E R AF T E R S Alyssa has tits enough for everybody
Made in
40
O
Gir l
C
ARN, lift up that jaw and roll that tongue back in ya mouth. You’re gunna need some energy if you want any kind of chance with TOP HEAVY Melburnite Alyssa. The 21-year-old YOONI student might have a coupla nerdytattoos, one of Batman and another of some
Japanese cat, but that doesn’t mean she’s the kind oif girl to spend all day in front of a computer screen FIDDLING A JOYSTICK. “I’m very energetic in the bedroom,”boasts the young SPUNKRAT. “There’s nothing worse than boring old missionary.” W h a t ’s y ou r a ll t im e fav e p ossie t h en, A lyss a ?
FI RS T TI ME FLASHER!
“It depen ds on w hat kind of m ood I’m in.S om etim es I fee llike ge ttin g fuck ed a nd tha t’s w he n I w an t dog gie styl e .B u t if I fe el lik e d oin g th e fu ckin g th en I p refer cow girl.”
W hi chdot hebl okesenjym
ore?
“Well,I on ly really can se e the g u ys face w hen I’m doing cow girland som etim es I close m y eyes.I don ’t kn ow w hy,I’m just enjoying it so m uch I close them !”
D oyou like it w hen aF EL LA feast son y ou r BACON SAN DW ICH? “Who do es n ’t? It’ s n ot like m y ab so lu te favou rite th in g ,I sti llp refer se x,bu t it sure is n ice.”
H ow w oul dyour
at eyour ow nH EA D-
G IV IN G sk ills?
“The re’s alw ays som ething to
im prove u po n,b ut overallI think I’m n ot ba d.I really w ish I cou ld de ep throa t,bu t I alw ays gag – I ju st can ’t h e lp it! ”
M aybe you coul d pract iceb ye at ing bi gg erban an ast han usu al . “I did a ctua lly try to m ake m y gag refl ex b ette r by occasion ally sti ck in g a few fing ers dow n m y throat,going de ep er ea ch tim e,b u t tha t didn ’t really seem to do m uch.”
Yo u’ reuckyyou di dn ’t CH O K E YO UR SE LF .W hat doyoul ovem ost abou t yourbeau tbod ? “I know gu ys alllike m y boob s,but I love m y eyes.I like pu tting n ice eye m ake -up on an d really accentua ting their size .”
Yo u’ reTO P S al loveri nou r book s A lyss a.
Made in 42
O
G ir l
“SOMETIMES I FEELLIKE GETTING FUCKED”
Sp o t Th e D iffe S E L Z Z U P
A
B
2
D IFF ER EN C ES
C
D
3
D IFF ER EN C ES
E
4
D IFF ER EN C ES
44
W IN 5 G
H O W TO ENTER
TO BE in the running for t he $500 prize, list the differ ences between the m atched photos eg, betw een pic s A and B, C and D, and so on) . T HE N post your answer s to at Spot the Differenc e #141 5 C/ O TH E P ICTUR E , GP O Box 520 1 , Sydney, NS W, 200 0; OR email to pict ure@bau er-media .com.au wi th SPO T T HE DIFF E RE N CE #141 5 in the sub je ct li ne.
H
D IFFERENC
I
ES
J
D IFFERENC
ES
* Te rm s a n d c on d it io n s o n pa g e 48
Ch e e k y Cr o s s S E ACROSS L 1.I LI FT H ER sk irt,an d I’ve Z neve r seen any thing m ore Z foulthan the state ofh er U kn icke rs! (8). P
5 . W haty ou need to keep the
es people play ev ery
fou r years (8).
11
ac . A tabloid rag w here
you SC AN
THE
to get
LE ADS
10 0 0
the go ssip (7,5). 4 4 . Thom as goes outatni ghtin
search ofother pussy (6). 46
22
ac . They’re bits of grass
in the m iddle ofthe highw ay
1 1 . See 39 across.
s FACE 1 2 . “Le t’
N
don keys (5). 39
sun offyour nogg in (3). 7 . The gam
ord! udest crossw A ustra lia s r
Sn ug gled Po ta nd ...Pie (7). 3 8 . The bac ksides ofa row of
IT, RO
nota plac e to rip your gear N !” she
cried.“You justw ann a do it w ith m e!” (9).
off,n aturally! (6-6). 4 7 . To m ak e herch ee ks tur n RED,
SAM
h is big
BARES
ha iry arse (11 ). s RAR 4 8 . It’
E IF a girl’s sm oo is
WHEN YOU’V E FILLED IN THE CROSSWORD CORRECTLY, THE SHADED SQ UARES, REA DING TOP TO OTTOM, LEFT TO RIGHT , WILL REV EA L THE OW NER OF THE REA STS.
lighter than the hair on her h ea d (6).
1 5 . Her SI N GR
4 9 . Sh e too k it in the m ou th w hile
SEX ON THE BEACH, ANYONE
h e w as sti lltalk in g (6). 5 2 . Tow n in F lorida fam ou s for
it’ s vice (5 ). 55 . G et the COP
SOU
S
he r from eating the
(5).
out OFTEN
fo r th is lo u sy
ch at-up lin e (5 ).
U S S H Y (5). 1 6 . Too m any pricks in h is arm
and LEEENDS
his p a th e tic
d rug -fi lle d life (7 ). the ... (5 ).
m uch (9). f SU E 6 1 . Wake up to yo urselOR w ill d o it fo r you (5). U E, N ED
,sh e’s too
bloo dy you ng ! (8). th e m en (1,1,1).
2 4. Klau s un did h is led erho sen
so th at H eidi cou ldLEA
PI N
an d b low h is ...h orn ! (6).
voice b y clu tch in g m y ba lls w ith h er false se t o’ tee th (8).
U B P E R T C A N S on the
DOWN
scratch es on you r tits! (6,5).
2 . She REELS
2 6. I’m
no t boa sting bu t m y ol’
feller w illhan g d ow n m y LEG A N D ou t of m y sho rts! (6). 2 7 . TellU S T R U E ! I s it th e p lac e
w he re 42d n b eg ins life or an other bloo dy p lan et? (6). 3 0 . Shit! H er form er hub by once
lived in C rete ! (7). 3 2 . As the cock tailw aitress said
in h orror w hen he
stares la scivio u sly (5 ). 3 . Steam ily pu rsued he r in the
h ea t of th e da y (5). 4 . This little m an so un ds in
ex trem ely po or ’ea lth ! (3). 5 . After sh eRUNG
,H E
had a
pa in in his gu t from no foo d (6). 6 . What a fisherm an or a
foo tba ller k ee ps in h is p an ts (6).
rain co atHA
SFL
ED
(7).
SA IN T because she n ever
8 . An un truth like ‘Trust m e,I’m
a d o ctor’ ! (3). 9 . G uys w ith dirty ha bits w ho
live in m on as teries (5).
drank or ope ne d h er legs (9). 1 0 . The fin ger you use t o fi nge r 3 5 . Ne stled in e ach othe r’s arm s,
46
...o u t h is fan tas y on stage
(5). 5 4 . The o pp osite o f ou ter an d
a feller off to the m ou n tin g o f
h ere’s a little rhym e to h elp,
his w om an (6).
There once was a feller called Skinner,
w ith ou t a tie o n ! (6).
Wh o in vite d a lad y to d in n er
2 3 . Whe re p igs live - a nd ,de ar
At a q u arter p ast nin e
rea de rs,don ’t say ‘th e cop sh op ’! (3).
They sat dow n to dine An d b y qu arter to ten it w as
2 8 . They w ere allgorgeous but
the N ICE ST ,SA T
...
w ith the
The d inn er,no t Sk inn er,
2 9 . His BI RDEN
Sk inn er w as ...be fore d inn er!
their affair
DED
(5).
I J UST SHIT ON THE CARPET
co t w ith a n as ty illn e ss (9 ). 3 1 . When he
w oke u p bet rothed,
you sho uld h ave seen the h ad on his face!
(7).
a .. ., d river?” (5 ).
3 4 . She w as know n asABED
E D
fast train (7).
EGGDEAN
to th e ca bb y:“Would yo u like 3 3. The pervert w ho open ed his
1 9 . Sh e h ad to g ive m ilk like a
w hen he w as confin ed to the
6 4 . She m ade m e sing in a high
sh ag pile an d yo u ’llg et red
it rhym es ! (6).
lea st gear on (9).
ed 63 . “He lp! Save Ou r Sex,” cri
2 2 . See 46 across .
2 5.
w an king or drink ing too
6 2 . D on ’tA RG
1 8 . G u ys v.G irls - The B attle o f
eq u ivalent of ‘h u n k s’.In fac t
2 1 . Just a pa ssing careless sh ag ,
59 . Lack of sigh t cau sed by 1 4 . The sa ucyhouse w ife m ade
(6).
5 3 . On ce he had ho ld of the C AT ,
2 0 . A w hiff of pe rfum e CANSET
58 . “Do you com e h ere ...?” Ze ro
sand DU N ES
1 7 . They a rrive w ith b ab ies a nd a
o ld g irlfrie n d s! (6 ).
AN
eve ryone sits in th em 5 1 . They’re the fem ale
(7).
bak ed on es (5). 13 . Naked w om en h iding in the
( 6 ).
,RON
b ig b ill- a bit lik e u n w an ted
’EB
blood y silly na m e,w he n
you ’lln ever fi nd he r in the
his eigh t han ds everyw here! 5 6 . Be cause she farts too m uch,
w asn ’t w earing on e (3). 5 0 . At a foo ty stadiu m ,it’s a
1 6 . She ’s not broad-m ind ed so
RAW T ! H e’s g ot
the m ore she
EW
slep t arou nd (7).
or look up h er num ber (5).
3 3 . He ENFOLDS
he r in h is arm s
an d strok es h er ba ckside (7). 3 6 . Feed a CO - ED RUM
an d sh e’ll
b eh ave w ith little d ec en cy (7). 3 7 . See 5 9 dow n. 4 0 . How
could youCONDOM
in to be lievin g it w as a ru bb er slee pin g-b ag for m ice? (6). 4 1 . Wha t an idiot! H e CA
N ’T
U S E his ow n tool w itho ut an
5 6 . Noises he m akes w hen h e’s
in stru ction b oo k ! (7). 4 2 . Allthat talk ab ou t stem
d o in g it d o g g ie -styl e (5). cell
research and the u nbo rn
5 7 . Movies for grow n-ups (5).
baby canBORE
59
M Y socks off!
(6). 4 3 . Island in G reece w he re the
lesbians com e from (6). 4 5 . The girlbe hind the B A R
37 dn.
Pe op le w ho stuff
th e ir fac es w ith th e g u ts to p rove it (3 ,6 ). 6 0 . A sw irlp oo lthat’s g reat for
tw o or m ore (3).
IS S U E
14 16 1
2
3
4
5
11
6
78
9
10
12
14
13
15
16
17
1819
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
30
31
29
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39 40
42
41
4
43
44
45
46
4
47
4 48
49
50
5 52
5 58
6 62
53
54
5
4
51
55
56
59
60
63
57
61
64
THE B O O B S B ELO N G TO . ..
SEND INTO WIN!
NAME AD D R E S S POSTCODE
Se nd the comp let ed cro ssw ord to: CHEE PO B ox430,
East
er nSubu
rbs M C, N SW
2004
KYCR
OSS
N o. 14 16 , THE
PI CTU
RE,
or you won’t win anything.
Please see P rivacy No tice on page 7 3.Se e pag e 73 for term s and cond ition s ofentry. D o notp rovi de inform ation abo ut m e to any organisati on n ot associated w t ih this com peti tion .En tries close Novem ber 14,2016.Answ ers w l ilap pe ar in the D ecem ber 12,2016 issue an d the w inn er’s nam e w illbe pu blishe d in the Decem be r 12,2016 issue .Au tho rised und er NS W Pe rm itN o.L TPM/15/012 04.
47
A ns w er s, PRIV ACY NOTICE
PR IVAC Y NO TICE This i ssue of THE P ICT URE is publi shed by B auer M edia Pty Lt d ( Ba uer). Ba uerm ayuse and di scl oseyou ri nform ati on ina ccordance w ithourP rivacyPo licy, includi ng to provi deyou w ithyourrequestedprodu ctsorser vicesand tokeepyouinf orm edofotherBau er pu bli cati ons , prod ucts, services and eve nts. O ur Privacy Poli cy i s located a t w w w .bau er-m edia. com .au/pri vacy/I tal sosetsoutonh ow youcan accessorcorrectyourpersonali nform ati ona nd lodge aco m plai nt. Ba uerm aydiscl ose yourpe rsonali nform ati on off shore toi tsow ners,ji nt venturepartners,ser vicep rovi dersan da gentslocat ed throughoutthe w orl d,i ncludi ng in N ew Zealand,USA,t heP hil ippinesand theEu ropean Uni on. In ad dit ion, t his i ssu e m ay con tai n R ead er Offers, being offers, com petit ion s or surveys. Rea der O ffers m ay requ ire you to provi de pe rsona l inform ati on to enter or t o take part. Pe rsona l inform ati on co llected for Re ade r Off ers m ay be d isclosed b y us to servi ce pro viders as sist ing Ba uerinthecon ductoftheR eader Off eran dtoo therorganisat ions provi di ng special pri zesor off ers that are pa rt of t he R ead er O ffer. An opt-ou t choice i s provided w ith a R ead er O ffer. Un le s s y o u e xe rc ise th a t o p t-o u t ch o ice , pe rs o n a l inf o rm a tio n c o lle c te d fo r R e a d e r O ffe rs m a y alsobediscl osed byus toot herorgan isati onsforuseb ythem toi nform youab outother prod ucts, servi ces o r even ts or t o give to other organ isati ons that m ay use thi s i nform ati on for thi sp urpose. If you requ ire furt he r inform ati on, please co ntact Ba uer’s Privacy Office r ei ther by em ail at pri vacyof ficer@ baue r-m edia. com .au or m ai lat Pri vacy Officer Bau er M edia Pty Ltd, 54 Pa rk Str eet ,SydneyN SW 2000. THE PICTURE CHEEKY CRO
SS CONDITIONS OF ENTRY
1.I nform ati on on how toenterand pri zesform partoft hese Co ndit ions ofEntry. 2. En tr yi sopen tor esi dentsofAustral iaand N ew Zealand.Entrant sund er18yearsm usthave pri orparentalorl egalgua rdi anco nsen tbefor een ter ing.Em ployeesoft he Prom oterandtheir im m ediate f am ilies an d age ncies asso ci ated w ith t his prom oti on a re i ne ligibl e to enter. 3. Prom oti on com m ences O ctober 17, 2016 and fin al entri es cl ose l ast m ai lon N ovem ber14, 2016(“Prom oti onalPeriod”) .Thew inne rw illbedraw natB auerM edia, 54P arkStreet, Sydn ey, N SW 2000, onN ovem ber17, 2016at11. 00am (AES T) .All tim esexpressedi ntheseTerm sand Co ndit ions areinAE ST orAE D ST asap pli cable. The w inner w illbeinw riting w ithi ntw o(2) business days of the draw an d his/ her nam e w ill be pub lished in THE PICTUR E m agazine on Decem ber 12, 2016. 4. To En ter, entrant s m ust com plet e the Chee ky Cross crossw ord i ndicat ed on the Ch eeky Cross page correct ly, andp rovi dethecorrectkeywordfrom thepuzzleandsen dthecom plet ed coupont oCH EEK YCR OSS 1416, THE PI CTURE,POB ox430, East ernSubur bsM C,NSW 2004. 5.M ult ipleentri espe rm ittedsu bjcttoeachen tr ym ustbepo stedi na separatestam ped envelope. 6.Thejd ges’deci si onisfinaland bi ndingon all w hoe nterandn ocorrespon dence w illbe entered into. 7. The fi rst ( 1) val id an d co rrect entry draw n from all vali d en tri es rece ived w ill w in $ 100 0. Pri ze w illbeaw ardedint heform ofacheque m adeinf avouroft hew inner.T heprizei snot transferable or exchan gea ble. Prize does no t include a ny anc illary costs associated w ith rede em ing this pri ze. These are the res pon si bil ity of the w inn er. 8.I ntheeven tthatf oranyreaso nw hatsoevertheW inne rdoesn ott akethep rizeatt heti m e sti pu lat ed b y t he P rom oter, then the prize w ill be forfei ted by the W inn er and cash w ill not be aw arde d in l ieu o f the p rize. 9.I nthe even tthata prize, orpa rtofapri ze,i su na vail able,t he Pro m oterreserve stherightto sub sti tutethep rizeo rpa rtoft he prizei n itsdiscreti on w ithan alt erna tivep rizeo rpa rtoft he pri zetot hesam eand equa lrecom m end edretai lval uean d/orspeci ficati onsu bjctt oany w ritten di rect ions fr om thevari ous Lott eryD epartm ents. 10. The p rom oter i s ne ither respo nsible nor li able for any lat e lost or m isdirected m ail (inc luding b ut no t lim ited to p rizes). 11. The P rom oter i s no t r esp ons ible nor li able for any prize dam age d in t ransit in the d eli very of their prize. 12.Printi ng and otherq uali tycontrolerrorsw ill no tinvali datea no therw iseva lidp rizeclaim .In the even t of a qu ery as to t he vali dit y of an e ntry, the jd ges w ill determ ine w hethe r or not t he entry i s to be dee m ed vali d, t aking into considerati on a ll m itigati ng circum stance s and know ledge avai labletot hem att heti m eofthejdg ing.N ocorrespond ence w illbeenteredi nto. 13.I n theeventofun foreseen ci rcum stances,war,t errori sm ,st ateofem ergency ordisast er (including bu t no t lim ited to natural di saster)t he Pro m oter reserves the right t o sub jct t o reference to all relevant state and terri tory rul es a nd regu lat ions ,to canc el, term inate, m odif y orsuspend thep rom ot ion. 14. I f a m edical ci rcum stance in som e w ay restri cts your abil ity to enter t he co m peti tion throu gh the requ ired m ech anic, you a re sti ll eli gibl e to enter how ever you m ust bri efl y stat e you r ci rcum stancesupon entry. 15.I fyouren tryi sse lect ed asa w inn ing entry,v ali dati on ofyourc ircum stance s/thevali dit yof your en tr y w ill be u nd ertaken by the P rom oter. M ethod of val idati on (w ithout li m itat ion) w ill be determ ined bytheP rom oteri nit scom plet ediscret ion.I fthew inningen tr yi sdee m edtobe a w inn er, the w inn er w ill be n oti fied as pe r the term s and con dit ion s here in. I n the eve nt t hat the Pro m oter reque sts t he e ntrant t o sign any legal docu m en ts r elati ng to the verificati on o f their m edical ci rcum stance, thel egaldocum entsw illtaketheform determ ined bytheP rom oter. Itis acon di tion ofaccepti ng thepri zethew inner si gn anysu chlegaldocum entati on. 16. The P rom oter m ay condu ct such furt her draw s at the sam e place as t he ori ginal draw and 1. 00pm asarene cessaryonJan uary2, 2017inordertodi str ibuteanypriz esw hichrem ai n un clai m ed b y that date su bjc t to referenc e to all relevant state and terri tory authorit ies. The w inn er w ill be n oti fie d i n w riting w ithi n tw o days o f the draw and w ill be p ub lishe d in Pict ure m agazi neon M arch6, 2017. 17.N othi ng inthese Term san dC ondit ions lim its, excludesor m odifiesorp urportstol im it, exclude or m odif y t he stat utory consu m er guarantees as provi ded u nder the Co m peti tion an d Co nsum er Act, as w ell as any other i m pli ed w arranti es und er t he A SIC Act or si m ilar consum er protecti on law s in the State and Territ ori es of Au stral ia (“ N on-E xcludab le Gua rantees”). Exc ept for any l iabil ity that canno t by l aw be e xcluded ,including the N on-E xcludab le Gua rantees, t he Pro m oter (i ncluding it s resp ecti ve office rs, em ployees and age nts) excl ud es a ll liabil ity (including n egli gen ce), for any perso nal i nj ry; or any loss o r dam age (including loss of opp ortunit y) ;wh etherd irect, ind irect, spe ci alorcon seq uen tial, arisi ng ina nyw ayou toft he prom ot ion. 18. Exce pt f or an y l iabil ity t ha t canno t by l aw be e xcluded ,including the N on-E xcludab le Gu arantees,the Prom oter( includi ng itsrespecti veofficers,em ployeesand agen ts) isn ot respo nsibleforand exclude sa ll liabil ity( including neg ligen ce), forany perso na linj ry;orany lossord am age (including lossofopp ortunit y); w hethe rdirect ,ind irect, spe ci alor con seq ue nti al, ari sing i n an y w ay ou t of : (a) any tech nical di fficult ies or e qu ipm ent m alf un cti on (wh ether or no t unde r the P rom oter’ s con tr ol) ; (b) any theft, un autho rised a ccess o r third party interference;(c) any entryorp rizeclaim thati slate, lost ,al tered,dam age do rm isdirected (w hetherornotaft erthei rrecei ptbytheProm oter) due toanyreason beyond thereasonab le con trol of t he P rom oter; (d) any va riati on in prize val ue to that stated i n these Term s an d C on diti on s; ( e) any tax li ab ility inc urre d b y a w inn er or e ntran t; or (f ) use o f the prize. 19. I f this prom oti on is i nterfered w ith i n an y w ay or is not capab le of being co nd ucted a s reasonab lyanti ci pateddu etoanyreason beyond thereasonab lecon tr olof theProm oter, the Pro m oterreserve sthe righ t, init sso lediscret ion ,tothe ful lestextentperm itted bylaw :(a)to disquali fyanyen trant; or(b)subj ctt oa nyw ritten direct ions fr om areg ulatoryauthorit y,t o m odif y,suspend,term inateor canceltheprom oti on,asap propri ate. 20.TheP rom otercol lectspersonali nform ati oninordertocondu ctt hep rom oti ona ndm ay, for thi spu rpose ,di sclosesu ch inform ati on tothi rdp arti es,i ncludingb utno tlim itedtoag ents, con tract ors,servi cep roviders,pri zesu ppli ersan d,asreq uired,t oA ustrali an regu lat ory autho rities. Entry i s con dit ion al on providi ng thi s i nform ati on. The Pro m oter m ay, f or an inde fin ite peri od, unless otherw ise ad vised ,use the inform ati on for prom oti ona l,m arketing, pu bli cit y, resea rch and p rofili ng pu rpose s, including sen ding electr on ic m essa ges or tel eph on ing the e ntrant. En trants shou ld direct an y reque st t o op t ou t, acce ss, upda te or correct inform ati on tot heP rom oter. All entri esb ecom ethep ropert yoftheProm oter. 21.All entri esb ecom ethe propertyoft he Prom oter. The coll ecti on,use and di scl osure of personalinf orm ati on provi ded in conne cti on w iththi sprom oti on isgo verned bythe Priv acy N oti ce (see C on tents Pag e for l oca tion in thi s i ssu e). 22. By en teri ng this prom oti on ,the entrant con sen ts t o receipt ofanyem theaientrant lr egarding oti on,s other andother inform of t theprom he P rom oter’ pu em bli catiaionlsws, hich products, servi cesan deven tsandtoprom otet hir dpa rt ygood sand servi cesit m aybe interested in. 23. The P rom oter i s Ba uer M edia Li m ited ( AB N 18 053 273 546) of 54 – 58 P ark Street ,Sydn ey, N SW 2000. Phone: 9282 8000. 24. Authori sedunderperm itnum ber: N SW Perm itN o. LTPM /15/ 01204. THE PICTURE SPOT THE DIFFERENCE C
ONDITI ONS OF ENTRY
1. I nform ati on o n h ow to enter and prizes f orm part of t he se C ond ition s of Entry. Pa rti ci pation i s thi sprom oti onisdeem edacce ptanceoft hese ter m sand condit ions. 2. En tr yi sopen tor esi dentsofAustral iaand N ew Zealand.Entrant sund er18yearsm usthave pri orparentalorl egalgua rdi anco nsen tbefor een ter ing.Em ployeesoft he Prom oterandtheir im m ediate f am ilies an d age ncies asso ci ated w ith t his prom oti on a re i ne ligibl e to enter. 3. 3. Prom oti on com m ences O ctober 17, 2016 an d final entr ies cl ose last m ai l on N ovem ber14, 2016(“Prom oti onalPeriod”) .Thew inne rw illbedraw natB auerM edia, 54P arkStreet, Sydn ey, N SW 2000, onN ovem ber17, 2016at11. 00am (AES T) .All tim esexpressedi ntheseTerm sand Co ndit ions areinAE ST orAE D ST asap pli cable. The w inner w illbeinw riting w ithi ntw o(2) business days of the draw an d his/ her nam e w ill be pub lished in THE PICTUR E m agazine on Decem ber 12, 2016.
48
4. ToE nter, En tr antsm ustcom plet etheSpo tTheD ifferencep uzzl epag ecorrectl yandse ndthe com pl eted coupon t o SPO T THE D IFFE RE N CE 1416, TH E PI CTUR E, PO B ox 429, Easter n SuburbsMC,NSW 2004. 5.Mu ltipleentr iespe rm ittedsu bjcttoeachen tr ym ustbepo stedi na separatestam ped enve lope. The P rom oter i s ne ither respo nsible nor li able for l ate or m isdirected entri es, including b ut not li m ited to the cos t of sen ding the e ntry vi a exp ress p ost, regist ered pos t or cou rier. These costs are the res pon sbil ity of the w inn er. 6.Thej dges’decisi on isfin alandn ocorrespon dence w illbeenteredinto. 5. The fi rst ( 1) val id an d co rrect entry draw n from all vali d en tries rece ived w ill w in $ 500 – P rize w illbeaw ardedint heform ofacheque m adeinf avouroft hew inne r.Thep rizei snot tr an sferable or exchan gea ble. Prize does no t include a ny an ci llary costs associated w ith redee m ing thi s prize. Th ese a re the resp ons ibil ity of the w inn er. 6.I ntheeven tt hatf oranyreason w hatsoevertheW innerd oesn ott akethep rizeatthet im e sti pu lat ed b y t he P rom oter, then the p rize w ill be forfei ted by the W inn er and cash w ill no t be aw arde d in l ieu o f the prize. 7.I nthe even tt hata prize, orpa rtofapri ze,i su nava ilable, theP rom oterreserve stherightto sub sti tutethep rizeo rpa rtoft he prizei nitsdiscret ion w ithan alt erna tivep rizeo rpa rtoft he pri zetot hesam eand equa lr ecom m ende dretai lval uean d/orspeci ficati onsu bjctt oany w ritten directi ons from the vari ous L ottery D epa rtm en ts. 8. The pro m oter i s ne ither respo nsible nor li able for any late l ost or m isdirected m ail (including bu t not li m ited to p rizes ). 9. The P rom oter i s no t respon sibl e no r l iable for any prize dam age d in tr an si t in the d eli very of theirprize 10.Printi ng and otherq uali tycontrolerrorsw ill notinvali datea no therw iseva lidp rizeclaim .In the even t of a query as to the vali dit y of an entry, the jd ges w ill determ ine w he ther or not t he entry i s to be dee m ed vali d, t aking into considerati on a ll m itigating ci rcum stances a nd know ledge avai lablet othem att heti m eofthejdg ing.N ocorrespon dence w illbeenteredi nto.
w inn er w ill be n oti fie d i n w riting w ithi n tw o days o f the draw and w ill be p ub lishe d in Pict ure m agazi neon M arch6, 2017. 15.N othi ng in theseTe rm san d Con di tions lim its, excludesor m odifiesorp urportst oli m it, exclude or m odif y t he stat utory consu m er guarant ees as provi ded u nder the Co m peti tion an d Co nsum er Act, as w ell as any other i m pli ed w arranti es un der the ASIC Act or si m ilar consum er protecti on law s in the State and Territ ori es of Au stral ia (“ N on-E xcludab le Gua rantees”). Exc ept for any l iabil ity that canno t by l aw be e xcluded ,including the N on-E xcludab le Gua rantees, t he Pro m oter (i ncluding it s resp ecti ve office rs, em ployees and age nts) excl ud es a ll liabil ity (including n egli gen ce), for any pe rsona l inj ry; or an y l oss o r dam age (including loss of opp ortunit y) ;wh etherd irect, ind irect, spe cial orco nse qu ential ,ari singinany w ayou toft he prom ot ion. 16. Exce pt f or an y l iabil ity t hat can not by law be e xcluded ,including the N on-E xcludab le G uara ntees, the P rom oter ( including it s respective officers, em ployees an d age nts) is not respo nsibleforand exclude sa ll liabil ity( including ne gli gen ce), forany perso nalinjry;oran y lossord am age (including lossofopp ortunit y) ;wh etherd irect, ind irect, spe ci alor con seq ue nti al, arisi ng in an y w ay ou t of : (a) any tech nical dif ficu lties or e qu ipm ent m alf un cti on (wh ether or no t unde r the P rom oter’ s con tr ol) ; (b) any theft, un autho rised a ccess o r third party interference;(c) any entryorp rizeclaim thati slate, lost ,al tered,dam age do rm isdirected (w hetherornotaft erthei rrecei ptbytheProm oter) due toanyreason beyond thereasonab le con trol of t he P rom oter; (d) any va riati on in prize value to t hat stated i n these Term s an d C on diti on s; ( e) any tax li ab ility inc urre d b y a w inn er or e ntran t; or (f ) use o f the prize. 17. I f this prom oti on is i nterfered w ith i n an y w ay or is not capab le of being co ndu cted as reasonab lyanti ci pateddu etoanyreason beyond thereasonab lecon tr olof theProm oter, the Pro m oterrese rvesthe righ t, init sso lediscret ion,tothefull estexten tperm itted bylaw :(a)to disquali fyanyen trant; or(b)subj cttoanyw ritten direct ions fr om areg ulatoryauthorit y,t o m odif y,suspend,term inateor canceltheprom oti on,asa ppropri ate. 18.TheP rom otercol lectspersonali nform ati oninordertocondu ctt hep rom oti ona ndm ay, for
11.I n theeventofun for eseen ci rcum stances,war,t errori sm ,st ateofem ergency ordisast er (including bu t not l im ited to natural di saster)t he Pro m oter reserves the ri gh t to sub jct to reference to all relevant state and terri tory rul es a nd regu lat ions ,to canc el, term inate, m odif y orsuspend theprom oti on. 12. I f a m edical ci rcum stance in som e w ay restri cts your abil ity t o en ter t he co m petit ion throu gh the requ ired m ech an ic, you are s till eli gibl e to enter how ever you m ust bri efl y stat e your ci rcum stancesupon entry. 13.I fyouren tryi sselected asa w inn ing en tr y,val idati on ofyourcircum stances /t he vali dit yof your en try w ill be u nd ertaken by the P rom oter. M ethod of val idati on (w ithout li m itati on) w ill be determ ined bytheP rom oteri nit scom plet ediscret ion.I ft he w inningen tr yi sdee m ed tobea w inne r, thew inner w illbeno tified aspe rtheterm sand cond itions herein. Inthee ventt hatthe Pro m oter reque sts t he e ntrant t o sign any legal docu m ents relati ng to the verificati on o f their m edical ci rcum stance, thel egaldocum entsw illtake thef orm determ ined bytheP rom oter. Itis acon dit ion ofaccepti ng thepri zethew inne rsi gn anysu chlegaldocum entat ion. 14.The Prom oter m ay condu ct such furt her draw s at the sam e place as t he ori gi nal draw and 1. 00pm asarenece ssaryonJan uary2,2017i nordertodi str ibuteanypriz esw hi chrem ai n unclai m ed by thatdate subj ctto ref erence toallrel evant stat e and ter ritor y authori ties.Th e
thi spu rpose ,di sclosesu ch inform ati on tothi rdp arti es,i ncluding butn otli m itedtoag ents, con tract ors,servi cep roviders,pri zesu ppli ersan d,asreq uired,t oA ustrali an regu lat ory autho rities. Entry i s con dit iona l on p rovi ding thi s inf orm ati on. The Pro m oter m ay, f or an ind efin ite peri od, unless otherw ise ad vised , use the inform ati on for prom oti ona l, m arketing, pu bli cit y, resea rch and p rofili ng pu rpose s, including sen ding electr onic m essa ges or tel eph on ing the e ntrant. En trants shou ld di rect any requ est t o op t ou t, acce ss, upda te or correct inform ati on tot he Prom oter. All entri esbe com ethep ropert yoftheProm oter. 19. All entri es be com e the prope rty of t he P rom oter. Th e coll ecti on, use an d discl osu re of personalinf orm ati on provi ded in conne cti on w iththi sprom oti on isgo verned bythe Priv acy N oti ce (see C on tents Pag e for l oca tion in thi s i ssu e). 20. By en teri ng this prom oti on ,the entran t con sen ts t o receipt of an y em ail rega rding the prom oti on,and otherem ai lsw hichi nform theentrantoft heP rom oter’ sotherpu bli cati ons, products, servi cesan deven tsandtoprom otet hir dpa rt ygoods and servi cesit m aybe interest ed in. 21. The P rom oter i s Ba uer M edia Li m ited ( AB N 18 053 273 546) of 54 – 58 Park Street ,Sydn ey, N SW 2000. P hon e: 9282 8000. 22. Authori sedunderperm itnum bers: N SW Perm itNo. LTPM /15/01204.
C HE EKYC RO SS SO LUTI O N - THE TIT S BELO NG TO: TAYLO R
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1412 - B.B, NARRAW ALLEE , NSW
C HE EKYCROSS
14 12 - F.V , MAR RI CK V ILLE, NSW
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#
A
AUSTRALIAN KISS ut s ralian ki
wo n und er. L ike a F rench kiss, btut i s d one d
R B Y P L AY E
My
aziest
Fu c
WE LC O ME TO THE J UN G LE
M
E AND m y girlw ere going to a fanc y
w hen I started to gruntand poke her tit.
like w e w ere a prim itive jun gle couple atthe
dresspar ty,and since itw as sum m er Janey gotinto itand m ade som e grunting
da w n of tim e.AsI upp ed the pa ce of m y
and stinking hotw e thoughtw e’d go
stroke s w e both m ade m ore grunting and
as Tarzan and Jane ,so thatw ayw e w ouldn’t
noises and played w ith m y dick. When I exp lored furthe r,I fou nd he r little
have to w eartoo m uch.Mygirl’s nam e is
m ootw as allw etand dripping underh er
actually Jane y,too,so that w as w ay cool.
loincloth,w hich im m ediately m ade m e pitch
When w e gotthere the party had spilled into the backyard,w here there w as this huge tree,and since thing s w ere ge tting a little
a tentin m ine.
gibbering noises,and Janey shoved her hips back atm e and rotated herars e. Her juices w ere alreadyrunning dow n m y thighs and I felta big load com ing,so as I
We’ve alw ays been a pretty horny couple, cam e I letoutm y bestTarzan callthatcould so w e really gotinto it,and then I figured out probably have been heard three blocks aw ay.
dull,after a few drinks m e and Janey decided thatifJaneyjustgoton her hands and knees
Everyone look ed up atu s,saw w hat w e
to clim b up the tree and actoutourJane and
along this big fucken branch,I could fuck her w ere doing,and gave a bitofa cheer.I think
Tarzan fan tasy.
from behind.
We took a bottle ofw ine and w ere sitting on a branch check ing ou t the action be low
I steadied m yselfw ith m y hands and shoved m y dick up h er and sudden ly it w as
w e w ere the hit ofthe party.
ROD
KI N G S G ROV
E N SW
T HE S L I D E R
G irls, sen d us a n ud e or toples s ph oto of y ours elf to r un a long w ith y our f uck stor y an d w e l l pay y ou $250!
NE s um m er I w as hou s e-
O
sha ring w ith a few pe op le,
SCORE
am ong the m w as this hot hipp ie
bab e called Ann a. Sh e w as o ne of tho se clothe s-free types w ho w as alw ays w andering around the h ouse naked,w hich w as
Eac h pho to m us tbe signed on the back by the F*** Pix girlin the phot o. Pleas e include yourphone num ber and a copyofy ourphot o I D. I herebygi ve THE PICTURE m agazine the righttopublish one ofthe enclosedphot osofm e.Iam ove r18 yea rsofage. Any personssendi ng F***Pix photos w ithoutthew ritten perm ission ofthe subjectw illbe liable to crim inal prosecu ti on.
I give perm ission form y photo to be used on the Internet. Tick ifyou d o not w ish us to provi de inform ati on ab out you to any o rgan isati on not associat ed w ith this com petiti on.
NAME
g rou se b u t frus tratin g ’cos I w as n ’t ADDR ESS
g e ttin g a n y o f it.
$250
On e d ay w he n it w as stink ing ho t an d it w as just the tw o of us a t ho m e, she cam e in to the loun geroom
S core $ 50 i f w e p u bl ish yo u r hot ton ki n g tal e M ak e su re i t’s no l on ge r th an 3 00 w ords, an di ncl ud eyou rcurr en t add ress andpho nenu m ber. Let ters m aybe e d ite d fo rc la ri ty.
nud e,
dryin g h erse lf w ith a tow el an d com plaining ab ou t the he at. Righ t the n I ha d a b rainw ave.We had a big ba ckyard,an d I had these
DATE OF BIRTH P HONE
P OSTCODE
SIGNATURE
sh e ets on in d u stri al-stre n g th p las tic I’d k n oc ke d o ff from a b u ildin g s ite. I im m ediately put m y idea of a n u de slip ‘n’ slide to An n a,a n d sh e w as into it,so I pe gg ed ou t the
Y O U L IT T L E D E V IL !
plastic,p ut the h ose on it an d w e w ere aw ay. We had a coup le of goes each sol o,and then I suggest ed w e ha ve a go tog ethe r. With m e on m y back and Anna lying face dow n on top of m e,w e did one sli d e g ig g lin g lik e little k id s, a n d w hen w e w ent back for another go, she got a w icked look in her eye an d m assaged m y cock u ntil it got hard, straddled m e and w edged it up her h airy h ip p ie vag in a. She pu shed off and as w e slid I cou ld feel he r cun t m u scles flexin g an d grab bing as sh e tried to s tay on top.B y the tim e w e go to the bottom w e both knew w e w ere onto som ething great,so for the ne xt ho ur or so w e p erfec ted ou r slip ‘n ’slid in g fuc k tech n iqu e. We tried it w ith h er s ittin g on m e reverse cow girl an d stee ring m e like I w as a sled,w hich w as a beaut y,and 69-style,w hich w as a b it da ng erou s ’cos I thou gh t she w as gu nn a bite m y co ck off. Then w e tried one w ith he r underneat h and m e betw een her leg s,b u t w e d id n ’t slide very fair an d en ded up getting stuck halfw ay dow n. D idn ’t m atter,b u t – w e jus t stayed there a nd fucke d.
I
USE D to b e a fan ofcrazy sheilas.In m y the sack.
M N ,CA I RN
S, Q LD
her cute red bush,w hich m ade m e go even
Julie cau gh t m y eye,’cos she w as tall,had fucke n harder. lots of red h air and w ore capes a nd crazy shit Bu t just as I w as abo ut to blow m y load I tha t m ade he r look like a w itch. Fu nn y thing is,she w as! At least,she reckoned she w as,and I w ent along w ith it ’cos I figu red sh e’d b e d ynam ite in b ed . So w hen she ask ed m e to he r joint for a
loo ke d u p a t h er face an d s he loo ke d a bit like th at chi ck in The E xorcist. That killed the m ood for m e,and m y spoof ju st sorta trickled ou t an d on to h er pu be s. She kep t m um bling and tw itching w hile I
w itche s’m ass and orgy I w as u p for it.Well, grabbe d m y jocks and jean s and scarpered. I w as w illing to g o a lon g w ith it ifth ere w as aFrom then o n I’ve stuck w ith sane w om en. root in volved. Sh e’d b un ge d cand les in p lasti c sku lls, alon g w ith p osters ofdem on s,fake gold go blets an d a b un ch ofp lastic daggers in the shape o fa pen tagram . Sh e told m e I’d h ave to p en etrate he r w hile sh e inton ed the secret w ords that w ould sum m on up t he de vil,and a b un ch o fothe r gibb erish I d idn ’t catch ’ cos I w as con cen tratin g on th at w ord “pen etrate.” We got na ke d an d lay on the floor in the m idd le o fa llth e p araph ernalia, and I gave her furry red sm oo a serious tong uing ,w hich soon h ad he r w rithing aroun d an d m um bling shit ab ou t “dark lords” and “eternal flam es”.I too k tha t as a sign I shou ld give her som e dick,so I eased m yself up betw een her legs,grabbed her
Top arvo,tha t.
With he r leg s over m y shoulde rs,I look ed
exp erien ce the y w ere u su ally prett y h ot i ndow n to see m y dick ploug hing in a nd out of
kn ees a nd slid m y throbbe r into her, w hich seem ed to send the w itch even crazi er.
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HRA N ,V IC
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r eat ,butho
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Thatt hi ng can probabl
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hyi shei nt hesl ow lane?
K ICK IN ’A R SE
UD D Y
PEG OF THE WEEK
N ow theki dkn ow snot toshakeu
pdad ’sbeer.
SK U LL - F U CK E D
N everacceptani
nvi at ion toam on keyorgy.
A nd w hen it rai nsh erepl acest hem w ithg um boot ssohe SEN DUS YOUR JPEGS!
canri dethr ough pud dl es.
Seen som ething HIGH-LARI OUS on the w orld w ide w eb lately?TagitINTERNUTT ERS,forw ard
it
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UE
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G O H A R D ! G O H O M I E S! Th is w eek ...
B E A U T B U M A SK T H E H O M I ES FLA SH BA C K T O P TI T S
“ M y fave p os it io n is dog g y ; Il ove m y a rs e b ei ng g ra b b ed”
B MBI
SYDNEY, NSW “I’ m very wi ld in bed ,” tau nt s in ked -up 25-year-o ld stay -at- ho me mu m B amb i. “I lo ve th e hai r-pul li ng and slap pi ng th e a r s e . It ha s to be r ou gh Wha .” tis itab ou t getting rough thatMO ISTE NS YO U R MUFF?
“It mak es me so horn y. I t just tur ns me on he a ps . M y fa vo ur ite po s itio n is dogg y; I lov e my a r se be ing gr ab be d. I ha veno s ha me . I wo ul d ha vese x a n y time , it doe s n’t ma tte r who is a r ou nd . ” Whose seen you atit?“Friend s. I ’ ve had threesomes.”Two other girls? Two guys? O ne ofeach? “A ll of th e abov e. I li ke to tr y dif fer e nt thi ng s a ll the tim e whe n it com esto the be dr oom . I lo ve explo r in g. ” W ILL
’70 S- STYL
EV ER
M AKEA
E BI G M U FF CO M EB AC K?
THATCHES
“N o, ’ co s
it’s gros s. ”
D E L IV E R E D TO om.au/the-pict Y magshop.c OUR D OORure or call 136 116 q uote M1601PIC )
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Ho m e Gir ls “ I’m in lo ve w it h bo dy m o d ific t io n ”
ƒ SM INE ƒ NN ADELAIDE, SA
“I’ m an a spi ring bo dy -pier cer ” says 1 9-yea rol d Jas m ine A nn . “I have a se xy u nd er bo ob tat to o a n d a ton g u e p ierci n g .” We hope you put the latter to good use. “I ’m in l ov e w ith bo dy m od ifi cat ion ; from tat too s and pi er ci ng s
to im plant s and scar ifi cat ion . I’m ab ou t to go un de r the scal pe l an d ge t a scari fi cat ion piece on m y l eft arm . I hav e 1 0 p ierci ng s: lips lab ret s ep tum ey eb row s ears cart ilag e ton gu e an d be lly-bu tton .” What do you like
“I l o v e a about modelling?
ll th e d ifferen t loo ks yo u can ach ieve w ith al l the en dles s m akeu p an d fancy cl ot hi ng op tion s.” We’ d
rath er you left clothing out of the eq uation altogether. D one much explicit work? “The m ost exp lici t w ou ld h ave t o be n ud e.” We hop e you’ re workin g to change that. W ILL ’70 S STYLE B IG M UFF T H ATC H ES EVERM AK EA COM EBAC K? “I do n’t even
kn ow w hat tho se ar e.”
57
Home Gir ls I once got it on in front of more than 10 men”
2U
BE T ƒ H L Iƒ WARATAH, NSW Tying people up gets a bad rap; anotherchick off w hen I’m w hatw ith kidn apping s and the licking hero ut.I once gotiton like,but bisexual24 -yearold
w ith another fem ale in fron t of
w aitress Tahl ia recko ns it can be a good thing too. “WhatI
m ore than 10 m en.Itturned into a fullX X X show .”
like about bo nd age is the control WIL L ’ 70S-ST YL E BIG M UF F and being tied up – b oth giving and receiv in g . I love th e th rill o f it all .”W
h at get s you exci ted abo u t em barki n g on th eet er n al m irac le t h a t is gi rl o n g irl “I love sex with ROOTAGE? w om en b ecause I love getting 58
THATC HES EVER MAKE A COMEBACK? “I do n’tthink it’llm ake a com eback.I think these daysw om en love the clean,sm oo th style and m en like th at, to o . M ayb e th e st rip w ill b e as f ar asit g o es. ”
B E ƒU
T
B UM R OS E M OU NT HAW
T HORN
W A
who’s thinking about posing nude should be proud and confi dent and love their bodies, I love mine. I’v e done some more X X X stuff before and maybe a v ideo or two... but that’s for play, not work.”
F ear not, 27-year-old R ose is hanging less and you don’t have Sunday sessions W IL L ’70S - ST Y LE B IG MU FF T H ATC H E S around, so her perfect arse will be with us for in England .” We ll hopefully see you in E V E R M AK E A C O ME B AC K ?“ It will proba bly some time yet. “ I don’ t really m iss E ngland, THE PICTURE a few more ti mes then. “I come back in fashion eventually, everything just my family and friends. I love living in couldn’t pass up an opportunity to beTine does. I hope not, though I ’v e had laser, so A ustralia. T he weather’s hotter, people wearPi tu re mag, it makes me feel sexy. A nyone nothing grows down there.”
“I’ve d o n e som e m ore XXX stu ff”
0BU0M
59
Ho m e Gir ls SIENNƒ IS
BONDI, NSW
SUE
9 13 9
$30 AS THE HOMIES
Y our arse is sohot. Ifyou can’ t SIEN take it out of your undies andnu bring de and getting lots o it over to my house and sit it Aus on tr my alian fans, but I am back in face, can you at least send more Italy now. So these pics are all pics of it Tto HE PI CTURE ?” you have to remember me by. R E M Y, T O O N G B BI E, N SW Sorry about that Remy.”
ISS
UE
3 14 1
$30 C Hƒ RL I WOLLONGONG, NSW
AS THE HOMIES
H ow’s your porn career going?CH A I feel really turned on by a girl kind words, Lisa. I have who’s not scared to show thefilming a lot of my own movies world her sexuality. Plus I think and am filming with Ryan James you’re really hot.” next week. I have a few movies L I S ,C H E R M SI D E ,Q L D on othersites.” 60
AN YHO M EGI RLAN YTHI N GYOU LI KE Chuck us an email at
[email protected] or writeA to sk T he H ome G irls c o TH E PIC T U RE , G PO Box 5 201, Syd ne y, N SW 20 00. ASK
“ I’m getting ready for you to pull over and fuck me”
POPPY M OR P H E TT V LE ,S “I w as bab ysi tt in g f or t hi s co up le an d wh en t hey g ot ho me , m y c ar wo ul d not start, so t he drea my hu sband had to d rive me hom e,” says 22 -year-old Poppy. “On the way I started taking my clothes off. H e as ked what I was doing and I just said, ‘ I’ m gett ing ready f or yo u t o pu ll ov er and f uc k m e.’ A nd h e did. Let’ s just say I have a full-ti me bab ysi tt in g job no w. H e mak es me We h op e th e m issu s beg f or hi s co ck .” do esn’treadHO M EG I RLS an d catch on. “She’ s bo rin g. Sh e wo ul dn ’It.” t’s alw ays th e on es you leastexpect.
WIL L ’ 70S-STY L E BIG MU F F TH ATCH E S EVER MAKE A CO MEBAC K? “I do n’ t
think they will. And if i t does, I will be having no par t of i t. I l ike to be cleansha ven at all t imes. You never know wh en y ou ’ re go in g t o hav e a guy go down on you.”
Ho m e Gir ls
$400
HO M I ES W HO LOV E H O M I ES
“I lik e w at ch ing am at eur porn”
LORELEI BR ONTE, NSW “ I lov e m odelling ,” sa y s 26 y ea r old L orelei. “It g iv es m e a lot of confi dence a nd m a kes m e feel
po rn.M y favo uritei sM F M .I likew atc h ing am ate ur p orn, too; usua lly one fea turing littleb londe
em p ow ered.” D one anything ruder than pose nude in your career “S h ooting for y ou w a s v ery ex p licit for m e. B ut I enjoy ed it. I’m th inking I sh ould do 100 nex Pe r Cen t Hom e Girl s t. W h at do y ou th ink?” The more of you we see, the better. W hat a bout sex on camera“ Th inking a b out it kinda turns m e on. I lov e
g irls like m e a nd a n older g uy. I’v e a lw a y s liked older m en.”
62
WILL ’ 0S-STY LE BIG MUFF THATCHES EVER MAKE A COMEBACK?“ I sup p ose ev ery th in g could m a ke a com eb a ck. If it m a kes y ou feel sex y, w h y not? R ig h t? B ut if i t does, I w ouldn’t b e g row in g one a s I’v e h a d las er h a ir rem ov a l.”
DOL L Y
LU N
F OX
“ Who doesn’t love big, bouncy boobs?”
“ B oobs, butt you’ve gotta ove l it all”
to getclose when you’re both naked:you know , for warm th.” olly “Boobs,butt:you’ve gotta
LU N ƒ F O X D OL L Y
love itall .I’ve dated girls and I tend to getw ay m ore crushes on hem t than w ith dudes. ”
EAST SY DN EY, N SW
WILL ’ 0S-STYLE BIG MUFF THATCHES EVER MAKE A COMEBACK?
We i nterr upted 29-year-old Luna Fox’s ni pple tassl e class o t ask her abouther 24-year-old m ate D olly. “D olly is secret ly a L unaFox unicorn. ”She
certainly gives us a BI G H O R N .
Well, big-ish. olly of a sec ret. L unaFox ”
“I didn’tt hink itw as m uch “Y ou could getlosti n
L unaFox
“O h G od,I hope not.I don’tneed
a poodle in m y pants. ”olly “I’m dow n w ith
her eyes.A nd boobs:w ho doesn’ tlove bi g, w hatevera chi ck is comfort able w ith;w ith bouncy boobies? Naked girls ar e great :it’s ni cesom e m aintenance,of cours e. ” 63
Ho m e Gir ls S
L LY
LI C E SP R IN G S, N T W e get fuck-all homies from T he A lice, but when we do, they give us nosebleeds. H ow s it goi ng out there? “ It’s a bout 40 degrees today, but that’s O K because I like the hot weather.An ” d blokes must love you not wearing much“ !Y es, they seem to all notice my boobs – I’ m always getting comments on them. I try and sunbake in the nude out here if I can.” A 25-year-old who’s working in sales marketing, Sally know s all a bou t CL O SING A DE A L: “ I had sex on a fl ight to New Z ealand a little while back. L uckily, there weren’t many people on the fl ight and we just used a blanket to conceal us.Ri ” ght now e w could use a HUGE HAND SHANDY after looking at your tits.
64
FLASHBACK
JA N 2 1 I had sex on a flight to New Zealand”
“ You can’t go past an awesome blow ob”
C LE O
PERTH,WA
“I do n’ t m ind go ing ou t cl ub bi ng and pi cki ng up a w om an f or m e a nd m y m an ” exp lai ned this jw -drop pi ng 30 -ye ar -old hom em aker . “I t get s m e of f w at chi ng hi m w ith ano ther w om an – and o f cour se he loves it too.” D o you recommend it to other couples? “D efi ni tel y. A s lon g as y ou ’re op en ab o u t th in g s it’s a l o t o f fun . A n d tha t’s w hat sex shou ld b e – fun. ” W h a t’ s the best way to please a bloke?“I don ’t thi nk yo u can go past an aw es om e bl ow j b. Y ou star t of f s low and m ake sure yo u incl ud e al l hi s b its an d p iec es. T h ere’ s a r ea l art to it y o u kno w .” Wh atever you say, P ricasso.
6
Ho m e Gir ls The sexiest thing I’ ve done is have sex in the rain”
VSURFE ƒ RSSPARADI Sƒ SE, QL D Life on the road looks pretty sh ould our re a ders seek out w h en th ey cross th e P a cifi c to Ca na da ? appealing if 19-year-old full-time C anadian traveller V anessa is D efinitelyhit up the ski re sorts in your dormbuddy. T he sexiest Banff and Niagra Falls is a mustthing I have done is maybe have see, too.” S econd b eh ind a noth er p eek a t y our fi ne nude for m . sex in the rain. I am not really W h a t do you m iss a b out sure.” WILL ’70S-STYLE IG MUFF y our m oose la den h om ela nd? I THATC HES EVER M AKE A miss my family and friends back COME ACK? Yes, I think so. home.” H a ve yo u ta ken a dv a nta g e Because everything from back of th e A ussie w ea th er fo r a l freso then seems to be having sex ua l lia isons? Sadly no.” W hat a comeback, like chokers.” 66
T OP TITS b oob s a s m uch a s p ossib le. Th ey a re fun to p lay w ith .” B ig ones or small ones “E ith er. M ine a ren’t ov erly b ig , so I g uess p lay ing w ith b ig g er b oob s th a n m ine is a lw a y s fu n.”
SHLEE DOVERG RDENS, S
WILL ’70S-STYLE
“ I h a v e tw o dog s a nd tw o ca ts,” sa y s 25 y ea r old A sh lee. “I cl as sif y m y ani m als as m y ch ildren, w h ich tends to lea v e p eop le v ery confused. B oth dog s a nd cats m a ke g ood p ets,
for th e sim p le fa ct it’s a g rea t feeling to g o h om e a fter a long da y a t w ork to g et cuddles: p ure lov e.” You also have two beaut CH E ST “I play w ith PU PPI E S to lav ish attention on.
IG MUFF THATCHES
EV ER MAKEA COME ACK “ ?I h
op e not; I’m no fa n dow nsta irs h a ir. B ut h ey , ea ch to th eir ow n. If it d oes com e b a ck, I certa inly w on’t b e follow ing th e trend.”
“Pla yin g w ith bigg er bo ob s th an m in e is alw ays fun ”
2
IT S TO P T
67
DOLLY T M W OR TH ,N SW “I l ov e havi ng m y b oo bs p lay ed wi th ,” adm it s TO P H E AV Y 23-y ear-ol d D ol ly. “M y n ip pl es ar e so sens itive so a l ittl e tweak
– th at ’s m y f avo uri te k in d o f foreplay. I rea lly enjoy getting the oil s a nd candles out and making it ni ce and romantic
feels amazing! ”You m usthave
bef ore w e get do wn to som e nic e, hard sex.”We’ve added
fellas lin in g u p aroun d th e
block for a chance to TU NE
oli ve oil to ou r shop ping list.
“I hav e a part ner at the moment so he’s the only one who gets to touch them right now.” Wha ta LUC KY DO G !
W ILL70SSTYLEB
IG
M U FF THATCHES
M AKEA
THE RADIO.
EBAC K? “Ev eryt hi ng goes in cycles s o it’ ll probably Wh at else does t h is fortu n ate comeback at some point. I fu cker getto do w ith you“H ? e per sona lly hope not, I think it gets to give m e lots of massa ges looks pretty gross a nd unt idy.” COM
FLASH FOR C A$ H!
“I en jo y g e ttin g th e oils an d ”
400 HO M IE O F T H E W EEK
W a n n a b e a H o m e G ir l ? Se n d u s y o u r p ic s a n d i f they’re suitable for publication i n one of t he categories below A ND W E PRINT THE M, w e’ll fling you the appropriate cash. So get snapping, fil l in the coup on, a nd see y ou nude so on!
$100 Topless Homie $100 Bag G irl $150 Hom e G irl $200
Bea ut Bum / Top Tit s
$400
Bedro om Babe / Hom ie o n Holi da y / Hom ie wit h Hobbies
$400
Hom e G irl of the Week
o HOME GIRLS, THE PIC TURE, GPO Box 520 1, Sydne y, N SW 200 .0Each phot om ust Sen dyoursnapst
be si gne d on the bac k byt he Hom Yes, I want to be a
e Gi r l.
Home Girl
please tic k)
IherebygiveTHE PICTUR Em agazi netheri ghtt opub lishon eorm oreof the encl osedph ot os ofm e.Igi veperm issi on form yphototobe used on the Int er net ,an d on M M S,SM S orDVD . Yes , I wa nt m y ph ot og ra ph s t o be pu bl is he d in t h e ne x t Ho m e G ir ls An nu al fo r wh ic h I wi ll be pa id $2 0 at t i m e of pu bl ic at io n. By signing t his agreem ent I signify I hav e read, underst and and agree t o be bo un d b y t he im po rt an t T er m s a nd Co nd it io ns be lo w. ImportantTerms and Conditions1. I acknowledgeand agr eethat thepublisher of THE PICTU RE magazine, BauerMediaLtd, i tslicenseesor assignsmay publish or authorise thepublication of thepicture s of me in any layout orformat, in wholeorin part, withou t restriction asto change s oralterations madefromtimeto timeand accompa nied byany text and/orgraphicsi t chooseswithout furtherrefere nceto me. 2. I hereby assign to Bauer Media Ltd theworldwidecopyrigh t to thephotographsand acknowledgethat BauerM edia Ltd may exer ciseall of therights of thecopyright owne r in respect of th e photographs , including using or licensing th e publication of thephotographsin otherpublications and using or licensing thepublicati on of thephotographsin any format including (but not limited to) DV D, M MS, C D-ROM ortheI nternet. 3. I releaseBauerMediaLtd its employees, agents, relate d companiesand assigns fromall actions, suits, cau sesof actions, claimsand demands whatsoeverwhich I may haveat any time in connection with eth photograph s orarising from or relating to the ir publication in print orelectronic edia, m including any liability by irtue v of any blurring, distortion, alteration, context orotherwise, including (butted notto) limi any action fordefamation. I4.acknowledgethat rsonssending pe HomeGi rlsphotoswithout the written pe rmission of thesubject will liable be to criminal pros ecution.
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er
MOTORCYCLES
0 1.
The fastesttw o-w heeled thing on the
The fastestprodu ction m otorcycl e
p lan et is Mike Ak ati ff’s Ack Attack.It’s
is Kaw asaki’s 3 26-horsepow er
tw o 1300cc Suzukiengines are sucked
sup ercharged H 2 Ninja.Turki sh
offb y a G arrettturbo,intercooled w ith dry-ice,
racer Ken an So fog lu jizzed on e across th e
and ityelps along at60 5 km /h plus cha nge.
Ozm an Ga zibridge ,hitting 400k m /h.
0 2.
The Pom s claim the biggest-ca p a city
No -one h as e ver built sexier
production bike .It’s the Trium hp
m otorcycl es tha n the E yeties.The
Ro cket3 ,w ith a 2.3l in -lin e trie.The p
sexiest ever w as the MV Agusta
Yanks reckon they’re fullofshitcos Bossoss H
F4,design ed by Massim o Tam bu rini.He died
m akes m otorcycles w ith 8.2lChev m otor.
in 2 01 4 b ecaus e the re w as n o p oint i n livin g anym ore.His w ork w as done.
0 3.
The m ost m entalm otorcycle ever w as Kaw asaki’s H2 Mach IV 75 0 tw o-
In the origina lAm erican ou tlaw
stroke.Re-chri sten ed ‘Wido w m ake r’,
biker film Th e
itkilled m ore cunts than cholera.Itonly had 74
nk ild One ,you’d thi
star Marlon Bran do w ou ld’ve ridd en
horsepo w er,buta fram e m ade outofold rubber
a Se pp o ’cycle.Wronn nn n g! H is ride in the
bands and brakes m ade from recycled frypans.
m ovie w as a Pom m y Trium ph Thunder bird 6T. D ucatistarted o ut m aking radios,Kaw asakibegan by
Sav es w ear and tear on the front hoop
produ cing trains,Yam aha m ade pianos and Suz ukiw as once the b est loom -m aker in allofJap an. Honda started outm aking pushbikes. In 2011,Yank Rusty Vaugh an rode 3 249.9km in 24 hou rs at th e C on tin en tal Tyre t est track in Texas.Then he w en t m ad, fan ge d o ffin to th e d esert an d w as eaten by vultures.
0 4.
H e m igh t h ave a b itof a broken back rig h t n ow ,an d is com ing like 2 th in th e w orld ch am pion sh ip ,b u t MotoG P racer An d rea Ian n on e is th e astest m otorcycle racer eve r.H e w en t 351.2km /h in th e Warm -U p at Losailin Q atar th is year.B u tth en h e w en tsh itd u rin g th e a ctu alrace an d crash e .
