HOME GIRLS! THE BEST OF 20 201 16 #1420
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ICS 30 TRINITY
32 GET GET UP YA SOOK SOOK 33 PIN-UP 40 MADE MADE IN OZ GIRL GIRL 44 SPOTTHE SPOT THE DIFFER DIFFERENCE ENCE 46 CHEEKYCROSS 50 AUSSIE AUSSIE SLANG 51 PIG PIG DOG 52 MYBEST FUCK FUCK 54 INTERNUTTERS 55 HOME GIRLS GIRLS 70 GO FACT FACT YOURSELF
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I e s s e on her equa equall llyy impressi mpressive ve ARSE waiti waiting ng for f things things to happen. happen. I have ha ve dr ive, ive , she sh e r eck ons. on s. I’ ve neve ne verr been the type to sit around and wish I was doing som so m ething. eth ing. I’ ve alw ays just done d one it. it . She certainl certainlyy DON E IT back back in 201 201 4, when she and photographer Allen All en H enson did did a guerrilla topless topless photo photo shoot shoot on the observation deck deck of the E mpire State Building and were subsequently sued for US$1.1 million by building management cos she m ight’ ve scared the K IDD IE S.
But that’ s just just the kind of feisty feisty young bloke blokess who drink drink too too much much and and tell tell dirty dirty go-getter she is, is, bless her. D amn the jokes, and the worst pick pick up line that she’ s ever ev er hear d w as: Is that t hat a m irr or torpedoes and full speed ahead. When she’ s not airing her h er terrific ter rific ta- tas in your pocket? Cause I can see myself atop international architectural treasures, in your pants!” L izlikes lik es to cook , w atch 0s sla s lashe sherr All Al l of whic wh ich h m akes us a little bit sad. movies and read up on her favourite It’ s lik e she sh e read r ead our ou r CV. CV . Shit, Sh it, w e’ ve got g ot subjects – Greek mythology, Marilyn that mirror line printed on our bloody M onr oe and an d z om bies. business card! I’ m full fu ll of usel us eless ess infor inf orm m ation, atio n, the th e We can only hope we don’ t giggle and top-heavy top-heavy STUN N A belie believes ves.. wee our pants if ever we’ w e’ re lucky enou gh She also reckons she hates dates with to meet her.
Believe it or not, this shit happened!
Flash YD E
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W ou ld you like s om o m e C H IC IC K E N SALTY on tha t?
A MU M ter e e ea to ea s ld th e CH EEK- T O-CH EEK in th e fin Bra il’s v er er sa sa l l o v e M ss B c o e o n . Br Br u er r a z , 3 5 , a n h e d a u g h t e Ed u a r d a Mo r a es es, 1 9 , b o ve e e r a e a r se ses r o e j es at e pt h e f r st st p r iziz e o f $ 3 5 0 0 a n od e c o n r a c t. t. “ W n n ea n s ev er er y t n g e, itit w ch an gem e fofo r ev ev er er , sa i E a r d a . “ B t I k n o w ea n s ev er er y h in in g u m , toto o . No N o w e r eb eb o t ef al tw la ld e e on o ’s ’s g o t t h e m o st st b ea u b o t o m . I ad m e u m sb o t o m . I h o p e n e w l b e a s f r m a s h er er s e I e ag e o r t a t e ey , e the e r se ses w er e c s er e st a r er i ecrow e t t o Er i Ca n e a ’s ’s b o d a c ioio u s b u o c k s
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O CB N OT ten ith ec in th e la NOT c a p a l o f e w o r ld ld , T h a a n s o w r ee- i v e a k e- a w a y c k er er . W e ey ’r’r es e s a g g er er inin g h o e frfr o m h e p u b TANKED TH AIS flic th e tr ito e ab or s e a n c ie ier , l e t s r b ec u e CR OC OC- ON ON - AA- ST ST IC ICK . Y ,e e e tr tr ie ie t i a s e t l i e SE SE O TOU R IST, s io sly th e ee ea tin ea lth ily efo e it sw ed h e h ea ea d a n c h u c k e o n h e c o a ls ls
O KE E T E h o t n e ey e a k e u p o o k o r c h icic k s s su m er c o u d a v e em c r y inin g T EARS OF SP OO . After 1 ea ld Ca lifo ia n As Asia ia Br tig , sted s f h erse erself lf w ith er n ew ey eye e lo k In sta , ev every ery e sta ted ju in g e a n d a g o n . N ex ex t t g y a k o w DI CK EYES e ta en er th e in ter et. As Asiaia r ec ec k s s e s t r y i st a r t t r e st h e a li litt ttle le t o OOD CL EAN F N. “ I a n ed o jo jo k e a r o u n d b o u t th e re ti tive ve a d rti rtis sti ey es w lo s,” s e s An d s e es ’t in d ll e c o y c s. “ I t th e re ll cr e ti e z i y t e ed ” s e s id . My d ic lin er w ill ev er er c o m p a r e
S T O P F U CK E N P R E S S
RA R AI SI N G T E ST EAKS TH E T d on ’t ca l l u s t h e G e n iu s Cou C ou n t r y fo r n ot h in g .Fac e d w it h the U N THIN KABLE prospect of no steaks for lunch ’cos ’cos some FOO L forgot to bring the barbie, some sm arty-pants put his MASSIVE BRAIN to work and cam e up with TH IS.It c an o n l y be d e s cr ib e d as as the greate st bit of lateral thinking thinking
s in in c e s o m e c l ev e v e r c u nt nt t h ou o u g ht ht : “Be e r. r.. ..bu b b l e s ...ye .yeah ah , t ha t co u l d wor w or k ! ” W e r e ck on fr om n ow on Joh n D e e r e w il l b e f l og g in g t h e ir classy tractors tractors as barbies that do a bitit of p l ou g h in g on t h e s id e .It ju s t b make s us s o goddam n proud.Is there no end t o Oz ingenuity, you you ask? N o, there isn’t, so fuck off.
TE AR - AW AY W e l s h ol d s t e r Jam e s R o b e r t s h as t h e co p s o n h is is c as as e a nd n d H E D O N T C AR AR E , M A N ! T h e 74 - ye ye ar a r - ol ol d p en e n si s i o ne n e r f ro r o m A b er e r ge g e le l e i n N o rt r t h W a le le s w as as s en en t a s pe p e e d in in g t ic i c ke k e t b y t h e l oc o c al al f ilil t h, h , w h o r e c ko k o n h e ’d ’d g u n n e d h i s e l e c t r i c m o b i l itit y s c o ot ot e r a t 42m p h (6 7k 7k p h ) t h o u g h a 30m p h (48k p h )z )z o n e .J .Ji m m y i s f i gh gh t i n g t h e b u s t , t h ou g h , cl ai m in g h e w as H O M E IN B E D af t e r a t r ip i p l e b yp yp as a s s h e ar a r t o p er e r a t io io n a t t h e t i m e .A .An d b e s id id e s , t h e s c oo oo t e r o n ly l y d o e s a b ou ou t 1 5k a ys ys .T .T hi hi s b a d b o yo yo d o n’ n’ t t a ke k e n o s hi h i t f ro r o m n o g od o d d am am n c op o p pe p e r s, s , y a h e ar ar !
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TH E R E m u s t b e a g o od e ar n in b e in g a g r u m py , fo u l mout hed cunt.W cunt.W e’re guessing TV TV chef and all-round knob-head G ordon “Tucker “Tucker Fucker” Ramsey didn’t pay for his $3 million, limited e dition Ferrari LaFerrari Ap e r t a w it h t h e p r o ce e d s f r o m h is P AP ER R O U N D .Th e swear y cook was lucky enoug h to scor e one of the 6.3litre V12 fang-machines and imm ediately took it for a drive drive around London so everyone could chuck shit at it.
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O L AR b e ar s ar e m e an k ilil l in in g m a c h in in e s w itit h t h e a b ilil itit y t o s p l itit yo u r h e a d o pe p e n l ik ik e a r ip ip e m e l on on a nd n d s l ur ur p o u t ya b ra r a in in s . N e e dl e s s t o s ay, you wo ul dn ’t TO O L AR O U N D wi t h on e if you ra n a c ro ro s s i t .W .W h ic ic h , t h a n kf kf u llll y, y, i s n o t l ik ik e ly ly f or or u s ’ co co s t h e y l iv i ve i n t h e big b ig , s n ow y FU C K - AL L t h at is northern Alaska. B u t t h is is p oo oo r p r ic ic k in t he h e t ow ow n o f B a r ro ro w , m o r e t h a n 500 k a ys ys a b ov ove t h e Ar c t ic ic C i rc rc l e , w a sn sn ’ t s o lucky. lucky .The bloke, a surv surveyo eyor, r, was r et e t u rn rn in in g t o h is is c ar ar w he h e n a b ig ig o l’l’ p ol ol ar ar b e ar ar c am am e c ru r u is is in in g u p f ro ro m t h e o t h e r s id id e , p r ob ob a bl bl y i n t e n d in in g
to pull a CAR-J CAR-JA ACKIN G. At t h e la s t s e co n d t h e y s aw each other and AN HILARIOU S g a m e o f k is is s - c ha ha s e y e n s u e d , d ur u r in in g w hi hi c h t h e b ea e a r g o t in a c ou ou pl p l e g oo o o d s wi w i p e s a t t h e b l ok ok e and nearlyripped his jacket off. W ay- h e y! D id n ’t he ha ve a g ig ig g l e a b ou ou t t h a t ! Th e n t he b lo ke d e ci de d h e h ad ad e n ou ou g h f un u n f or or o ne n e d ay a y, a nd nd d u ck ck e d a wa wa y t o h id id e i n t h e c ab ab in in o f a n e ar ar b y t r uc u c k. k. Th e m ot t o of t h is s t or y, r e ad ad e rs rs , i s t h at at w hi h i l e p ol ol ar a r b e ar ar s a re re f un u n t o p la l a y w itit h , t h e y w ilil l s u ck ck t he h e m a rr rr ow ow o ut ut o f y ou ou r b on on es e s if g iv ive n t h e c h an an c e .
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t t EN h e Ch Ch o u d h a r y a m g i y o u h e f n g er , t e R EA EALL L Y iv ive e th e fi e Th e ’re th e ll-t ll-tim im e o r l b ir ir d - f p p n g c h a m p io io n s, ’c’c o s m o r e h a n 2 5 e b e s o f t a m h a v e1 e1 2 er sa sa n 1 2 es EAC Th ey a e n in th eir h e ill e
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Teu s in th e In ia sta te Bi sth e am 24 er s Th e fo lk sin Teu s ever e e n i k n a m es, eh eh . A th e fa ily s ffers ffersfr fr p o y d a c ty ty lyly , a c o n g e a l p h y s c a l a al s er n u er a r y d i s o r T OO MA MAN Y F IN I N ER S, fofo r y o u d u es u p h e b a c k . Th e ex extr tr a se-p ic ers ld e see
l j a s a sa b y , n o t e on ead e c o st st o f m a n ic ic u r es es, b u t l o k inin g o n h e r i s e, i ev e e e s rt am a n o - p c k ’ a c t ey ’ r o b a b clean-up s, w h e e b r ea ea k d o o f so c ie ie c o m es a n d n o b o d y ’s ’s g o c o m p u te t e sa n y o r e, e, t e Ch Ch o d h a r y s l b e a b le le o c o u er t n y b y e se
ONCE AGAIN, THA T’S 48 BEERS,TA
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B LA IR San Diego, California P or n p r in c e s s B l ai r W il l ia m s may be too busy diddling herself to visit the beach:“I beach:“Ihad to g et rid of my dildo,” she r eckons . “Be c au s e Iw as ju s t f u c k in g m yself l ike cra zy with it.”
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MANDY MAND Y B o n d i,i, N S W “Eve ryon ry on e s h ou l d b e a b l e t o en joy my body – my firm boob s, my perky nipples and m y lovely va g in a, ” s ay s m u n ch ab l e Mandy.“ Mandy.“Just don’t annoy m e wh e n I’m t ryin ry in g t o r e l ax at th e b eac h.”
P h o t o g r a p h y , i C a n d y P r o d u c t i o n s , M i l e H i g h M e d i a , D i g i t a l P l a y g r o u n d
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Maslins Beach, SA “Ilo ve b e in g a b l e t o d r e s s i n sexy summ er clothes,” Lexi says says of the hot, swelt ering m onths .“Ilove sum m er – Ican Ican b e o u t d oo r s a n d a t t h e b e ac h all t he tim e.”
Malibu, Califonia Layla London looks worried. S u n b u rn rn t b u t t , b ab ab e ? O O O W ! But don’t worry, worry, there’s a lotion for that.Alright, that.Alright, who wants to contribute t heir LO TION for Layla’s Layla’s red raw rum p?
D A LLA S G l e n e l g B e ac h , SA D al l as is u n t ro u b l e d b y cl o t h e s most of the t ime.The ime.The Adelaide Adelaide stripper spends her work hours naked, and the rest of the t ime having having sexy nude fun. “I’ve h ad m y fa ir s h ar e o f thre esom es.” es.”
STACI Ve n ic e B e ac h , C al if o rn ia Born- again California girl girl Staci has see n the light .“Iwas the type of girl girl who, unless she wa s e x c l u s ive , wo u l d n ’t h ave sex with you.Then you.Then Ient Ient ered porn and my mindset ope ne d u p.”
BROOKE Tam p a B ay, F l or id a Fl or id a n at ive B r oo k e l ov e s t h e steam y heat, and when she’s not fucking up a storm in one of her m any pornos, pornos, she can be found topless alligator hunting in the Everglades.
PE FECT GI GIF FT FO CH ISTM TMA AS
FORD MUSCLE rive it. Li Live it. Wear it.
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Ford Motor Company Trademarks and Trade Dress used under license to The Bradford Ex Exchange. change. ww w.F ordMotorCompany.com YN O T H N
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For Christmas delivery, order online or call before 5pm 18th December 2016 major cities and Eastern Seaboard) or 1 4th December for other areas. Express D elivery for Christmas delivery available up to 21st December December 2016 on phoneorders phoneorders only for an additional additional fl at fee of $10 – call 1300725 103. All sales subject t o product availability and reservation acc eptanc e.Credit criteria may apply.Our privacy privacy policy is available online at www.bradford.com.au.From time to time, we may allow carefully screened companies to c ontact you.If you would prefer not to receive ve such offers, offers, please tick this box. box. ❑
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LEO-PARDY TIME! Z o mb ie o p a ra t a c k s a r
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n d i a t e l y . Th e ys u c ky a b r a i n so u t t h r o u g hy a s k u, a n de a v eh eh er e s t f o rh rh ea ea c k as as .
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H EN E N w an an ke k e rs rs g o o n a b o u t t h e be be a u t y o f n a t u r e a nd nd h o w a l l c r e a t u r e s ha ha ve ve t h e ir place in the schem e of t h i n g s, s, d o e s i t m a k e y ou ou w a n t t o punch them in the face? Or is that just us ? ’Cos let’s face it, it, animals animals are c u n t s . G ive n t h e c h an c e , t h e y’l l b it e , s t in g , s qu qu e ez e z e o r g or o r e yo u t o d e at at h , t h e n e at at you yo u af t e rw ar d s .O .Oh h ye s .Th e y’r e m ean. S o d on o n ’t’ t l e t t h is is h ap a p pe p e n t o yo u .St ay i n s id id e o n t h e c ou o u ch c h w he h e r e t h ey e y c an’t g e t a t ya .W .W e ’v ’ ve g ot o t ya b ac a c k. k.
LEAPIN LIZARDS! Th is N T s al t y is s o k e e n f or a b ig f e e d o f Se S e p po t o ur ur is is t s h e c an’t wai waitt until their plane plane lands. Jus t a l it t l e higher, mate.Nice abs by the way.
OPEN YOUR TRUNK, TRUNK , MATE! MATE! Th is v an fu ll o f t ou r is t s m u s t l oo k l ik e a c an o f Spam t o this rare carniv carnivorous orous Madagascan elep hant.They’ hant.They’re re JUMB O SH IT now, of cours e.
19
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Sure, polar bears are the most bloodthirsty predators on E arth, but m aybe he just wants to be friends. Wanna hop out of the car and ask?
W ALLA LABY BY FU C KE KED D! H er ere’ e’ s a tip: tip : alw ays car ca r ry a wall w allaby, aby, so if you y ou re attacked by a snake, you can ram it down the legless legl ess shithe s hithead’ ad’ s poisonou po isonouss gob go b and an d escape. es cape.
NOT THE H R NOT TH E H
CA C AR N A TIG ER S! Known for being nasty pricks, tigers also have a violent hatred hat red for F abio look- alikes, who they attack on sight. So they do have their good side.
ed . F
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I M
O R T AN T N EW
C O I N AN N O
N C E M E N T
F ully laye layere red d in 24K go gold ld P ortra ortrait it of John Simpson K irkpatric irkpatrickk and and his donkey
A maximum of , will be m inted ed:: E ac ach h C ertifica rtificate te of A uthe uthentic nticity ity uniquely numbered
D ia iamete meter: r: 65 65mm mm show sh own n actual act ual size)
W eig ight: ht: 1 1 0g 0gm m
Inlaid with a ruby Swarovski crystal
A ne new w five crowns crowns coin coin comm omme emorating the th e
W ith F D elux uxe e Bo
C ente ntena nary ry of of G all llipo ipoli li fully laye layere red d in pure 24K gold, it may be you yours rs for ju jusst fiv ive e ins in stalm alment entss of $39 .
A uth enticit y detailing important provenance provenance information
saidd Prime M inister inister W illiam illiam A sral a w as rn n the s res res f al i ’ So sai H ughes as as a valedict valedict ion t o an extraordinary group of m en whose courage courage and sacrifice sacrifice formed our national identity.O ne hundred year yearss aft aft er the events events of t he G allipoli C amp aign , all we are and everyth in g we b eli eve in can b e t raced back t o t ho se fat efu l days in 1915.A 1915.A f ive crowns crowns coin h as been releas released ed t o com mem orate th is nationdefin ing anni versa versary. ry.Struck Struck t o a high specifi specifi cation , a maximum of 9,999 are available available wo rld wid e.A pp li cat io ns are no w o pen f or t he cro wn fu ll y layered wi t h pu re 24K go ld .It .It m ay be yours f or just fi ve in stalm ent s of $39.99 or $199. $199.95 (plu (plu s $19.99 p& h).T h).T his off er is likely to at tract con siderable siderable int erest, erest, so please please respond respond no w.
Intended as a collectors’ collectors’ item, the main design design H I G H SP E C I F I C A T I O N : Intended
I N S T R U C T I O N S F O R A P PL PL IC A N T S
K E Y D E T A IL IL S E V E N T : T he C entenary entenary of the G allipoli C ampaign on 25th A pril, 2015 2015 L I M I T E D R E L E A S E : T he edit edit ion limit of thi s coin is a maximum of 9,999. 9,999. Fewer th an 1 in every every 810 810 households will be able to own one. A U T H E N T IC A T IO N : E ach coin arrive arrivess with a numbered numbered C ertif ertif icate of
features Simpson Sim pson and his donkey as as realised realised by award-wi award-winni nni ng artist R obert allipoli F ive iv e C rownsG rownsG old C oin’ for just five 1. Y ou may apply now to secure secure th e ‘G allipo fi ve instalment s of T odonai.Th e coin is fully laye layere redd in 24K 24K gold with an inlaid ruby ruby Swarovs Swarovski ki crystal. crystal. $39. $39.99, 99, a tot al of $199 $199. .95 (plus $19. $19.99 p& h).A C ertificate of Aut henticit y is included at no
additional cost. 2. A pply now:Applicatio ns will be approved approved in strict order of receipt.I receipt.If your applicatio applicatio n is A who se succes successful sful you you will be not ified in writing wit hin 7 days.O days.O ffer is limited t o one per household. household. aim is to promot e and and protect t he condition s and well-being well-being of th e D efence Family 4. T o apply now, send send t he coupon below, below, or go online today at at www.bradford.com.au/gallipoli that embrac embracesover esover three million people people. . For priority, call call now on 1300 1300 725 725 103. 103.LL ines open 8am-5pm 8am-5pm M onday-Friday A E ST .
EN D O R SED BY T E D EF EN C E F O R C E W EL AR E ASSO ASSO C I AT I O N T he Bradford Exchange proudly proudly supports supports the D FW
F O R M A L A PPL IC A T IO N
T H E G A L L IP I P O L I F I V E C RO R O W N S G O L D C O IN IN Send this freepost freepost coupon to:
T H E BRA D FO RD E
CH AN G E, RE PLY PA ID 8 636 P A R R A M A T T A N SW 21 24 24
Pro mo ti on C ode:
O ff er clo ses:
Promptly
Y E S, I wish t o f orm ally ap ply f or T he G alli pol i F ive C rown s C oin ”, f or just just $199.95 (pl (pl us $19.99 $19.99 p& h).A n i nf orm ati ve complimentary certificate of authenticity is included.
I do not need to send any money now. If my application is success successful ful I will be notifi ed in writi ng with in 7 days. I un derstan d I can apply f or on ly on e coin , and th at m y
T it le
Mr
M rs
Ms
P ho ne P ost cod e
E mai l
www. bra bradford. dford. com. au/ gallipol ga llipolii
Signature
G o on li ne t od ay at:
403-COM13 2016 The Bradford Exchange Ltd. A.B.N. 13 003 159 617
O th th e r _______________
A dd ress
application should be made within 7 days.I may return the
households and is limited to one coin per household.
1 300 725 1 03
N ame
coin within 14 days if I am not satisfied.I confirm I am aged 18 years years or over.Appli cation s are are only open to A ustralian
M i ss
A pp ly b y t eleph on e on :
ForC hristm as d elivery,orderon line orca llbefore 5 pm 18th Decem ber 2016 (m ajorcities a nd Eastern Seabo ard)or 14th Decem ber foro ther areas.*Express De livery forC hristm as d elivery available u p to 21st Decem ber 2016 on phone orders only fora n add itionalflatfee of$10 – call1300 725 10 3. a v a i a b lo n l n ea t ww . b r a d f o r d . c o m ma a u . Fo m
e
A l l s a l e s s u b j e c t t o p r o d u c t a v a i l a b i a n dr e s e r v a t o na c c e p t a n c e . C r e d i t c r i e r i a y a p p l y . Ou Ou r p r i v a c y p o l i c y
a y a l o wc a r e f u l ls s c r e e n e dc o mp a n i e s c o n t a c t y o u . I f y o uo u lp r e f e r n o t r e c e i v e s u c h o f e r sp l e a s e ec c kh ib o x .
Yo u ' r e J o k in g W AT’ T’S S BL I NDAND SCRE S CREA AMS A S A STE TE IE ONDER AN ANS ERI RIN N TH EI RO RON N MO
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A FA M IL Y a r e d r iv in g b e h in d a g a r b a g e t r u c k w h e n a d i l d o f l ie ie s o u t a n d t h u m p s a g a in in s t t h e w i n d s c r e e n . Em E m b a r r a s s e d , a n d t o s p a r e h e r y o u n g s o n ’ s in in n o c e n c e , t h e m o t h e r t u r n s a r o u n d a n d s a y s , “D “D o n ’ t w o r r y ;t h a t w a s an ins ec t.” t.” To w h ic h h e r s o n r e p l ie s , “I’ m surprised it could get off t he ground with a cock l ike t hat .” E D VI E
O E OF TH THE E WEE
MAS O T N
A C O UPLE in their 80s were were in the middle middle of a sex drought. The frustrated wife felt like it had been years y ears since they d had sex, so she decided to do something about it. Without telling her husband she went to an adult shop, browsed around for a while and bought herself some crotchless undies. That evening, she sat on the couch across from her hubby with her legs spread wide apart. Eventually he blinked, looked closer and asked: “A re you wearing crotchless crotchless undies?” Y es,”she repli replied. ed. Thank Christ C hrist for for that!”he cried. For For a moment there I thought the stuffing was
$100
O N THE T HEIR IR way to getmarried, a young Catholic couple were killed in a car crash. They found themselves sitting outside the Pearly G ateswaiti waiting ng for for St. Peterto process them into Heaven. When he showed up, they asked him if they could could get married there. St. Peter said, G ee, I don’t know. Thi This s is the firs first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out.” The couple sat and waited, and waited. A fter three months, months, St. Peter finally finally returned, looking somewhat worn out and frazzled. O kay,”he says. They can marry you.” you.” G reat!”sa at!”said id the couple, But what if if things thi ngs don’t work out? Could C ould we we also get a divorce?” A t that, St. Peter, red-faced with with anger, slammed his clipboard down and kicked it over a cloud. Fucken hell! It took me three bloody months to find a priest up here!”he shouted. Do you you have have any idea idea how long it’ i t’ll take me to find a lawyer?” AN GO
AN E QL
com ng out of thecouc he couch.” h.” AN
MO N
TE
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A BLOKE LOKE wa s into a servo servo and says, says, “C an pleas please e have have a KitKat Chunky?” The lady lady beh behind the till gets gets him him a KitK K itKat at
Chunky and puts it down on the counter. Nah, you don’t unders understand,”says tand,”says the man to the chubby chubby woman. woman. “I just want a KitK Ki tKat, at, lard-arse.” ON
VI E
AI
A B L O K E w a l k s i n t o a b a r a n d s e e s t h r e e pieces of meat hanging from t he ceiling s o h e a s k s t h e b a r m a n , “W “W h a t ’ s t h i s about?” Th e b a r t e n d e r r e p l ie s , “W e l l , i f y o u c a n ju m p u p a n d s l a p t h e m e a t , y o u g e t f r e e d r i n k s f o r t h e r e s t o f t h e n i g h t . If y o u miss , you pay for everyone’s drinks for t h e n e x t h o u r . Yo Yo u w a n n a t r y i t ?” ?” Th e g u y r e p l ie s , “N a h , m a t e .Th e s t e a k s a r e t o o h i g h .” W VI E
AI
W AT’ T’S S RED AND BAD OR YO Y O R TE TEE ETH A A A ABRI CK. N
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A BL B L O ND E had to sit sit a gener general al knowledge knowledge exam before she could intern as a deputy sherriff. W hat’s one and one?”th one?”the e sherri sherriff asked her. l1!”she l1! ”she repli replied. ed. C lose enough,”said enough,”said the sherrif sherriff. f. “Now, No w, what two days of the week begin with the lette etterr ‘T ?” Today and tomorrow! tomorrow!”the ”the blonde repli replied. ed. I ll pay pay that,”said that,”said the the sherrif sherriff. f. Now,”he ow,”he continued. conti nued. “W ho shot John F. Kennedy?” The blonde thought for a while and replied. I don’ don’t know. know. O K , love, love,”said ”said the kindhear kindhearted ted cop. “H ow about you go home and think about it and come back tomorrow and tell me what you reckon.” A t that the blonde raced home and told her flatma flatmate: te: “I think it went really really well! T hey’ve already got me working on a murder case!”
UOTEO EOFTHEW EEK A. G.CAN
E
AL E N
L I ASK IST EC ANCETO O ET AT MONEYCAN T MA M AKEME A Y SP IK E MI MILL L IG AN
G ot a g r ou s e jok e ? Po s t it or e m ai l it t o P ic t u r e jok e s @ b au e r -m e d ia .co m .au a n d w e ’l l s e n d yo u $ 20 if w e publish your jape. jape.PLU PLU S Joke of the W eek g ets a YOOJ $100! $100!
THE OE ON P O M MY TH IN K E R :KARL PILKINGTON
“IF YO S O EDM DME EFIV E OTO TOS SOF ANU SES,I CO L D NO N OT OIN INTT MIN INE EO T “ N e il A r m s t r o n g , t h at spaceman, he went to t h e m o o n b u t h e a in in ’t’ t b e e n b a ck .It c a n ’t have be en t hat g ood.”
IT’SNO NOTT A REA RE AT W AL L I T’SAN SAN AL RIG T AL L .IT’ IT’S SAN ALL RIG T AL L A O CH IN INA A “Happiness is like a cake.Have cake.Have too much of it, you get sick of it. it.”
“In e ve r r e a l l y e n jo y e a t in g a n o r a n g e . I’m a l w a ys h a p p y t o g e t t o t h e e n d w h e r e yo u c a n w a s h yo y o u r h a n d s .”
TH E RE REA AT P YRA RAM MI D I IS S O ERRA RRATE TED D. I T’ T’S S ABAD DESI N TH EL O N EI S OI NG TOBE E, B T T E BE B EDRO ROO OM IS TH IS IS IS M Y HAPPY FACE OI NG TOBE TINY “I’ ve t r a ve l l e d a r o u n d a l o t o f t h e w o r l d no n o w , a n d itit i s norm ally t he t oilet that is re ally bas ic... here in Japan Japan the toile ts have a highe r IQ th an m e.”
THE OE ON O TH IS W E E K :MIDGETS Is aw a w a m i dg d g e t c ar a r r yi yi n g a T V t o h is is c ar ar oday.I oday.Isaid, “Mate, can Igive you a hand wit w it h t h at pl a m a?” He s a id , “Fu c k o f f a rsehole, it’s an ipad!”
A A A ASMAL L MEDI MAT L AR E
EV ER Y da y, a b l o k e w a l k s u p t o a f e m a l e co-worker at the coffee machine, i n h al al e s d e e p l y , a n d t e l l s h e r that her hair smells nice. Af t e r a w e e k o f t h is s h e can’t stand it anymore, and asks to file a s e x u a l h a r as as s m e n t c o m p l a in in t a g a in in s t t h e g u y w itit h t h e h u m a n resource s supervisor. supervisor. Th e s u p e r vis vi s o r is is puzzle d and as ks he r: rear-ended ended a midget in my car.He car.He got “W h at ’s s o s e x u al l y AC TU AL L Y I’M I’M A R E AL L Y B I G o ut and said “I’m n ot threatening about a STAR! c o-worker t elling you your h appy!” So Isaid, Isaid, “W “W ell , your wh w h ic h f u c k e n d w a r f a r e yo u ? hair sme lls nice?” nice?” The woman I ju s t pl a ye d m in ia t u r e g o l f w it h a m id g e t . r e p l i e s , “It ’ s D o u g t h e m i d g e t ! ” ut he just calle d it golf.
AT DID T E MID M ID ET SAY EN I A AS SKED IM OR ADO AD OL L AR? SORRRY, I’M SO I’MA L ITTL ITTLE ES ORT”
AT DO DOYOU CAL L A SYCH I C MI MID ET W ANT NTE EDBY TH EP OL ICE
YDOMID ETSAL AYS L A H EN TH EYRU N A ’ A ’CO COS STH E RASSTI TICKL CKLE ES TH EIR BAL L S 23
Readers Reader s ' World World OMMMMMMM… EAR EAR editor, themodel studentstits are fantastic I refer to THE PICTU E November 28, 2016. 16 . Onegirl girl’s ’s tits arevery artistic artistic page 6). 6). Since Sincebreasts are uniq ueof each girl and
O
Sen rd s ic s AT E E R Mu n g o a t R ea ea d e s o r c / T E P IC T R E O Bo x 5 2 0 1 Sy ey N SW 1 r em il th e b ig fella atm un go bau e ed ia i a .c .c o m a u
MUNGO TOOK ME TO HEAVEN!
always alwaysclas classic and natural to paint paint or pictures pictures photos). photos). That That is why womenare not weaker se , in in fact more powerful rful than men! A wo woman isaman sweakness. Noman and wo woman can skipaglanceto a bosomof wo woman! Strangely, somemen belie lievethat bigger bigger the breasts smaller are thebrain. brain. emember, men arefrom Mars and women from Venusarea truth in lif life e. For happy lif life e, acceptboth bothmenandwomenasthey are! M.K, NEW ELHI, IN IA
M N O S ON T IT ITT TE That s r ight, I m tweeting me heart out for the people. N one of that what-I-had what-I-had -for-brekky or I-just-done-a-big-poo stuff,just stu ff,just my usua usuall class lassyy shi shit. t. It s at:
https://twitter.com/ThePictureMungo MUNGO S YS: Y u
DAIL DA ILYY DO BL BLE E AFT AFTER everybody wasdroolin ling over Charlotte, Homie of the Week in in #1415, you’ve ’vedoneitagainwith Courtney, Homie of the Week in in #1417. They They could could be the C’’ sisters – both blond, no tatts , no piercings, piercings, aceti tits ts and arse and both are just just bloody beautiful! autiful! What’s thechanceof them doing a double in a future futureedition? tion? That wo wouldgo to thetop of my colle llection of PICTU E mags. A.R ., CAB AMATTA , NSW
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WINS $5
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TRUMPY-PUMPY
Thiss week s ues Thi uestio tion: n: W hat do you w ant for C hristm as?
Ed i o r
GET ME THE LATEST ISSU E OF THE PICTU E - STAT!
James Cooney Nu rofen Se n i o r r i e r
Roger Crosthwaite An E aster egg r i e r
Thomas Oakley-Newell W orld peace Ed io r i a l c o o r d i n a t o r
Emily Rattenbury A puppy r t d i r e c t o r
Tony Halpin Mo ist dirty bird P ho te d io r
M ATE, how good was D ona onald ld Trump Trump wi nni ng the t he U S ele ct io n? Po Polili ti cs usuall usu all y bo res the shi t outt ou tt a me, but bu t wh en yo u’ ve got a pussy-grabbing, wall-building casino baron ab out to b eco me prez o f t he U S I couldn’ t help having a chuckle.A chuckle.A re you a Tru mp m an, M ung o? L .M.
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Santa’s sack
a t e s mh o pn pn go r c a l
a t o n a l Sa Sa l e s a n a g e r
Pat Campb Campbell ell (02)9282 8369
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READY,, STEAD READY STEADYY, SHIT HI, HI, MU N G O .W hene heneve verr I’m watc watchi hingTV ngTV cooking cooking progr prograammes mmes I’m always lways at a loss loss asto why the hell they put so muc h emphasis emphasi s on the many many differ different ent colou colourrs of food used used in the the recipe when at the end of t he day, day, it alw ays com es out the same colour at the other end – BR O W N .
R.W . BEL MO N T U NG O S A Y S : I f t h a t o r y o u ’ r e o b v i o u s l k i n d o f T
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, e r a r , y k c a w a s e h n c a a d t a w c o e l n d o u L h c e a o e J , d o n l l a i t e g s h n t a i f C h f s o o i f d r o n e a g h t s m e e r g t A o a t t . m u e t n e B a i l e . o r S a b h T t g g N n n n i i A t e h t t P s f e i f o s w t t a r o e r o r n a p e s e s g w t w d k I y e 6 o e t s 5 5 h a h t b m g n o u o r e o f h g n e g i e w n t i D g i i g n d b n a e a h S g r s , i a a f g h n i d s a b r i f a y m n l o l a o b a l o i a a c v a m e i a r p n S o s r , s o e i f h , v i l a e a a r p r a o C T r n n n y a r a t t e s n e h i a t r d u p u e o l e o o t S r u f a a m o h s e t e h h i s t c t a s a d o a e e c i e s r b t d o e . g g s i y e n i o d m k b n a i o e e o e l h l e t r b c t i h a l a t t e r h e t d o h f l e T a h m r y o u ! c c t r s a e p n r e e m y l v v y h m n T u o m . s g e s s k h a i t h w d t t n i o 0 J t u o O o s f O , O d e Y n s a e e , b h s t a e i e n d k n i r l u a g s o n b s i u r i g e n i h t h s o i t f e n v i t w o a d n r t e s t i l a a w e h t m o r f e d u N
T HE
GIZ A FUCKEN PRESSIE, CUNT!
w o
k aL
E
U n l e s s yo u ’r e f lu s h w it h d ou g h , forget about h iring some joint and ju s t h ave it at h om e .Of .O f c ou rs e , if you l ive in a s m al l p l ac e l ik e m e , yo u might have to bung on an extens ion. Ial wa ys l o ok fo r a c ou p l e o f e x t ra cardboard boxes, them big bastards that fridges come in, and staple them on in case the invited invited gu ests bring a plus one .That way, inst inst ead of cleaning up afterwards, you can ju s t t o rc h t h e l ot an d m o ve .
e
erf e ed s e es e e
G
’ D AY AY .G i z p e ac a c e o n E ar a r t h a n d g o od od w ilil l t o all cunts? Fuck ya then. C ar l h e re , an d n ow it ’s t h at t im e o f ye r again, Ithou Ithou ght I’d I’d tell youse how t o hol d a proper Ch rissie party.Follow party.Follow the C arl me thod and YOUR bash could end up in the social pages of the Sunday papers! papers!
T
EN
E
O b vio u s l y, yo u ’l l n e e d t o p re pa r e a f e w l it r e s o f g ra vy for everyone’s everyone’s favourite favourite game, but other t han that, the re are no rule s.I s.Ialways do my signat signat ure dish, Tu r k e y Su r pr is e , w h ic h is co l d b ak e d b e an s s t r ai g h t from t he can.You can.You should s ee th eir faces.Talk faces.Talk about surprised! An ot h e r g oo d id e a is t o o r d e r a f e w d o ze n p iz za s t o b e d e l ive r e d t o o n e o f yo u r n e ig h b ou r s w h o ’s fu ck e d off for their hols, then when t he delivery bloke is standing there losing his fucken rag bashing on their door, offer to take the m off his hands for half price. Time to crack open the gourmet stuff
T HE
E T
T
wh o ’l l a c t a s b ou n c e r s f o r f r e e b e e r , some chicks who’ll get their tits out no matt er what the occasion, and any ex-coppers that you know still wi t h c on t ac t s o n t h e f or c e i n c as e yo u g e t r ai d e d . An o t h e r g o o d t r ic k i s t o h a n g a r o u n d t h e b o t t l e - o , a n d w h e n y ou ou see anyone buying buying up moun tains of grog, chu ck ‘em ‘em an invite .Tell ‘em Miranda Kerr’ll be t here giving b ac k r u b s .So m e d ic k h e ad ’l l b e l ie ve a n yt h in g .
It m ay s e e m ob vio u s , b u t d on ’t i nv nvi t e a n y R E AL A L h o rr rr ib ib l e c u n t s. s. BUT I WANNA PARTY LIKE L ik i k e i f t h at at H iti t l er e r b lo l o ke k e w as as IT S 1939! s t i l l a l iv ive , Iw o u l dn dn ’ t i n vi vi t e h im im . B a s ic ic a l ly ly, a n y l u n a t i c m a s s m u r d e re r e r s a re r e o u t .S .S am a m e g o es es f o r p ae a e d o s, s , A u s s ie ie t e n n is is p l ay aye r s , t h e f at at p om o m w itit h t h e c ra r a va va t o n t h at at T V c oo o o ki k in g s h ow ow , a nd n d Ja qu qu ie ie L am a m b ie i e .W .W e e d o ut ut t h e t r a sh sh a n d s t ic i c k w itit h q u a lili t y. y. Ial wa ys in c l u d e a c ou pl e o f b ig b l ok e s
THAT CARL REALLY FLOATS MY BOAT...
E Ya c an ’t ju s t s it t in g a r ou n d n e c k in g p is s al l g h t . P l ayi n g a f e w p ar t y ga m e s t o g e t e ve ryon ry on e in f e s t i ve ve f u c k e n s p i r itit , a n d d e l a ys ys t h e s t a r t o f t h e inevitable inevitable punch-up for a couple of hours. Here’s som e that were a big success at my C h r is s ie b as h l as t ye ar : P u ll M y Fin g e r W h os e C h u n d e r Is T h at ? P an t s F u l l O f G ra vy An d m y fa vo u r it e , N am e T h at Sk in In fe c t io n
OT H E
ENT E T
N
ENT
Eve E ve r yo n e a l w ays l ov e s s t ic k f l ic k s a t t h is t im e o f ye ar , b u t w h y no t m ak e i t s p e c ia l a n d p l ay o n l y C h r is t m as t h e m e d p o rn os ? I’m t h in k in g f am il y fa vo u ri t e s s u c h a s Santa Claus is Coming – On My Tits!, Tits!, Reindeer Sluts 3, Suck My N o rt h P ol e , E l f O r g y 2:Th e S po o fe n in g and and M r s C l au s ’s An al Ad ve n t u r e .Th e s e ’l l a l s o h e lp if yo u f o r go go t t o b u y an an y o f t h a t S P R AY AY -O -O N S N O W .
OO E D o w e r e al ly n e e d a lc oh ol t o h ave a g o od od t i m e ? O F C O U R S E W E F U C K E N D O ! Th e b as ic r u l e i s d on ’t h ol d b ac k – make sure there’s enough for everyone everyone to get blind four times over, over, then double it.W it.W hen that runs out, everyone everyone falls back on their own hidden hidden stashe s – y’k n ow , in t h e o ve n , t h e t o il e t c is t e r n , the com post heap, etc – and that’s wh e n t h e p u n c h - u ps u s u al l y st ar t . Ica n h ar d ly f u ck e n w ai t !
i S t o c k , A l a m y
H N
N
HI TRIN, RI N, I m 19 and I jus j ustt star starte ted d having sex with with my girlfri gi rlfriend. end. It’ I t’ s really great and everything, but one thing has me worried worried what’s that funn funny y smell smell that always hangs around afterwards? Is there a way to get rid of it or does my girlfriend just have really smelly juices? FEZZ FEZZA,KA A,KA MB AH VILLAG VILLAG E E,AC ,AC T
TRR IN IT Y SA T SAYS: YS: a e c o m e o t e , e rld f se se , tt e e
Th th ic s ell er s er w r d s ss c a e sex sex s ell” a d it’s th e r e n a s o f a ll ll t e b o y fl sa n p h er o m o n es y o u ’ t w o v e r d s v e s ed T ere’sn y to s p , e h a n o p en en inin g w d e g r es es A s es r e to to ea s e y o r se se , o er w se se ’ll en d p ith cats ol ow y o a rroo u n d .
HE
MET ET
I RECENTLY started dating a girl with both t me meI’ I’ve eve everr encountered either either so it’ i t’ s all new and excit xciting ing to me. me. I was wondering whatt wom wha wome en with piercings like done to t em ur ng ng or ora an nd sex? I ve already asked er, ut s e c a ms ms that she d only only just got them the m and didn’t have an any y advice advice for me. me. K.N. K. N.,H ,H O BA RT RT,TAS ,TAS
sa ll th e s e re ll p ie ier c e o r o t s n ex tr a little item p la l a y h . S o u o n e, er s a n heu s al array ec h es c a n y. J u st st w o r y o u r c les less s e s to nk bon dag es an d w an s o h ave ectr ec tr ic ls lsesth esth h e e l s e up by he
TO WHAT o yo you t nk about guy s balls, Trin? Trin? I’m a 34-ye 34-year ar-ol -old d chick hick and I think think they’re real cu cutte an li lik ke to hold them them and and feel t emm mmo ove nm nmy y and but anothe anotherr of my g rfre rfren n sr sre ec ons they’re gross and and hairy! hai ry! .P.,G EORG ES PLAIN S,NSW
K E NC E ET O E
E NE
TRR IN IT Y S T AYS: AY S: T T ere er e e a s rangeof s; s e c a n e quietp re , s y o r ffrr iie e th s s e n e ie u g l y . Bu t, ea h to th eir eir o a s I a l a y s sa y – at oa s s e e e s ts, ts, s th ers. rs. ers ll , I l e n ic ic e set s et f b lls, lls, es ecia ec ia lly s es, so so t en I b e n g u c e o g e ey c o e h r o u g h a n a p m y fa fa n n y .
H
NN
M Y WIFE an I are looking at at buying a sex sw ng wo wou u you you recommend recommend them? them? What s a goo good d toy tthat a mar married ried couple look lo oking ing to spice piceup up their sex life could buy? IM A N D N EL EL, MO M O O NLIGH T FLAT FLAT,VIC ,VIC
R IN IT Y AY ex s in s e fu n if av et es ac ef e . T h ey ey c er er t d o m a k e o r so m e in teres ter estin tin g tim es
y r e g a m I m a e r C t e v l e V
1 00% c e s o r e d s e ce rom s tr tr a l s t s tr tr i r!
pic t ure m ag az ine
WIT W ITH T IN INIT ITY
Th e P ic t ure M un go w w w .p ic t u re m a g .c o m
I al al s o th th in in k r o l e l a i ng ng fc fc an an b e a f u n o r co l es es . T ha ha t ’s’s h er er e y o u r et e t en en d t o e other other p eop le or or charac characters ters and go to l ac ace s o u t s i de de of of th th e a r it it al al ho h o m e an an d l ay ay o u t th th e fa fa nt nt a . A nd nd y o u d on on ’t ’t ha ha v e t o y a th th in in g
DOGGY STYLE STYLE
O
TH IS new chick I’ I ’m dating has a petR ottie
ET T O UH T E N
thatf hat follow s her around ou nd ever ev eryw here.A here.A nd I m ean everyw here! W hen w e’re fucking in her h er bedr bed room oo m she has him sitatt tat the side of the bed.I b ed.I suggested thatm hat m aybe ayb e he sit
I ’m shit-scared of o f shagg shag ging her her in case case the vicious ou s m uttthinks nk s I’m trying to hur hu rther. W hatshoul hat should I do? do ? I stillthink she’s a cool chi ch ick regardl eg ardless. B.
AN
VAL E NS
T IN ITY A I’d b e concerned concerned too, a te te . I ’ e ac act u a ll ll y h e ar ar d of of it it ha ha p e n in in g e fo fo r e ( p e o l e e in in g a tt tt ac ac e d d u r i ng ng e x y t he he ir ir p a r tn tn e r ’s’s d og og s ) . I th th in in k f ou t ex ex p l a n to to he he r ag ag a n , t w t h a t or e d e t a l a o t h y o r e n co co m f or or t a l e a nd nd h ho o w t ’s ’s a ff ff ec ect in in g t he he e x , h e s h o u l d , f s h e ’s’s a ny ny i nd nd of of go go od od c h c k , u n d er er s t an an d an an d s o r t t he he s t u a t o n o t t o a cco o dat e o .
PUSS PUSS INBOOTS H E Y TR IN ,I’m a big,tough oug h tradie out ou tside the bedr bed room oo m butl bu tlove ov e being a subm issive pansy pan sy behi beh ind closed doo d oor rs.I’ s.I’d love ov e to hear h ear
T R I N I T Y S C ON E S S I ON D ON O N ’T ’T p t u p t h h it it I f t h er e r e ’s’s o m e th th in in g t ha ha t y o u d on on ’t ’t l e or o r th t h at at t r n s o u o ff ff t o u r p a r tn t n er e r in in s t s o n do do in in g t or or ig ig no no r es es o u r r e e s t s t o t o , I s g ge ge s t a go g o od od o ld ld fa f a s h io io n ta ta s t e of of th t h e r o w n m e d c n e. e . Do D o s o m e th th in in g th th e d on on ’t ’t l e an a n d w h en e n th t h ey e y a s k o u t o t o , t el el l t he h e m a ga ga in in to t o s t op op d o n g h it it t o y o u . T ha h a t l s o r t ’e ’e m o t q c k ar t
a story about abo utyou you dom inating a guy – have h ave you yo u done do ne this before? D. .VI E
AI
T I N IT IT Y A I ’ e d on on e b a s c d o n at at io io n t n ot ot h n g r e al al ly ly o r th th y o f a cy t or or y – t ho ho u g h I g e s s e v e n y a v er e r ag ag e s t or or ie ie s o d o w s o m e eo e s n d . B u t I m ch r ef ef e r to to e d o n at at ed ed . I d id id h a e a g y o nc nce w a nt nt e to to p t a d og og co co ll ll ar ar o n h imim a nd nd tr tr e at at hm e y e t ; co an d n g h m t o do t h n gs gs a n d t he he n f ck h isis a r s e w t h a l l d ilil do do s a n d t ra r a o n s , te t e ll ll in in g h imim h e s i tc tch . T h at at w a s i n te te r e s t in in g. g. I t a s a o ne ne n ig ig ht ht s t a n d, d, t oo oo , o r an an d om om f or or a r s t t e en en co n te te r w t h o e o n e. e.
HARD HARDTIME TIMES
AWEE WEEDIL DILEMMA
I’V E been been struggl gg ling to m aintain a stiffy
TH IS guy gu y I’ I ’ve been seei seeing said he h e w ants to
and fuck m y m issus lately.She y.S he reckons ecko ns it’s
take a w izz inside m e w hile w e’re havi hav ing
cos I w ank too m uch.I uch .I reckon it’s cos her
sex. sex.II think that’s w eird,bu d, butw tw ho am I to
judge? udg e? I justw anna know kn ow if you’ you ’ve ever
por po rn,but n,b utw w hen itcom tco m es to actually fucking
expe exper rienced enced,o ,or r heard of o f,any ,anyt thing like that,
I’m nott no tthati hat interest ested.W e need you y our r help.
or if I need need to prepar prepare?
CH
S F ANS CR EEK VI
T IN ITY A A r e h er tits ti ts th e onl o nl t h n g t ha ha t t r n s y o u o n a o t y o u r ? T ha ha t s a b t h a o . e t a h ea ea d r i gh gh t t h en en y a s e x w l l ge ge t a c t o n or or m a l. l. O r , a s a no no th th er er a p r o ac ac h, h, ho t y a m s a t t jo jo b f o r Ch Ch r e
FREE EE Y CARO E P ARK Q
T IN IT Y A E e e , he l no Be ng e d o n or p n g o n o e on on e s o ne ne th th in in g, g, t p e d I N – n o t ha ha n . B a b e , th th at at ’s’s t he he b o dy dy r e l ea ea s n g t ox ox in in s , o u d on on ’t ’t a n t t ha ha t p n s i de de o u I ’ e n e e r e v e n h ad ad an an y o ne ne a .
T R I N I T Y W A N T S T O H E A R F R O M Y OU !
o you have a q ues uestion tion only only a SEX PER T like like Trin Trinity ity can answ answer er? ? D o you want want some advice on women women in gene general ral? ? Or do you just just want want to ask about about her her X -rat -rated ed sex life? YEAH? Then write write to to Talking Talking D irty With Trinit rinity, y, c/o THE PICT E, GPO Box 52 5201 01,, Sydney, NSW 2000 2000,, or send an email email to trinity trinity bauer bauer-media.com.au. -media.com.au. She’s She’s waiting! waiting!
3 1
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TH E R E W AS O N L Y T W O TH IS M O R N IN G
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y o u ’ g u n n as t a n do u t s i d e
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Mia likes blok bl okees and
blo b loke kettttes es!!
U R N S ou t it ’ss n o t ju s t b l ok e s t h at fi n d M ia h o t t e r t h a n a n In d ia ia n b l ok e ’s lu n c h ;sh ;s h e reckons the re’s a fair chunk of sheilas f r o t h in in g a t t h e s m o o t o g e t t h ei ei r h a nd nd s o n her 21-year-old 21-year-old lady parts. parts. ic k s t h an an “Ige t h it o n m o r e b y c h ic guys,”ad mits the N OR KALICIOU S Melburnia n uni stude nt.“ nt.“Ithink it m i g ht ht h a ve s o m e t h i n g t o d o w itit h t h e wa y Idr e s s .”
ha
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very flattering “Ido n ’t really wear very clothes.J ust jeans and a shirt, and a a c k e t i i t ’s cold.May cold.Maybe be a dress on s p e c ia ia l o c cas ions .”
epre e r BI BI R T H DAY S I T H a v e y o u ev er L EZ ED OU T pl e of of e x p e r ie ie n c e “I’ve h a d a c o u pl wi t h g ir l s .My first was definitely definitely the m o st s t m e m orable.It was with a good we w e r e b o t h f r ie ie n d o f m i n e a n d we s in in g l e a n d b it c h in g a b ou t o u r o ld boo yfr ie n d s and kind of joking that we b s h ou o u l d t u r n le sbian ...th en we did! Juss t fo r t h at night t hough.” Ju
Yo ’r e eta lst
n a h a v e o g iv iv e s o r e t M
“It al l h appened so quickly. quickly.W We we re b o t h drunk and we started 35
0 A I 2 4 M 1
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making making out out and and play playiing around around.. I started started kissi kissing ng and licki licking ng her all all the the way way down down her her bodyunt bodyuntiil I was eating eat ing her out. D id s h e r e t u r n t h e f a vo u r ?
She sure did! A fter she came cam e we looked at each oth er and laughe lau ghed d and an d she sh e said, said , I guess gue ss it s m y tu t u r n n ow ! At t a g ir l ! H a ve w e l o s t yo u t o the other side?
N o. It was wa s definitely definit ely a good goo d exper exp erience ience and a nd I’ m glad I did it, but bu t I don t think th ink I could coul d be w ith a wom an fullfu ll- time. It’ s fun to k iss chicks, chicks, though!” W h ic h g e n d e r i s t h e b e t t e r a t
G R O W L IN G yo u o u t ?
The Th e best I’ ve had go down on me wasa guy. guy. He wasamaz ing, ng, he knew exactly what he was doing, but over all I’ d say wom an are better at eating pussy.” pussy.” Th a t s o u n d s l ik e a c h a l l e n g e t o u s ! W h e n d o yo y o u f e e l a t yo yo u r JAW - D R O P P IN G s e x ie s t ?
R ight befor be for e I have sex! se x! I get so horny anticipating anticipating it. it. And I love teasing guys by taking off my clothes slowly and watching their eyes light up!” O u r e ye s ar e l ig h t in g u p l ik e a w in n in g p o k ie u p a t t h e t h o u g h t Mia.
Oz G ir l
Made in
Keep your eyes open for Zoe and her norks h ! A V I N
e x o n b e
s o e t h i n go go to to f wo me n eH E
SKEE E E N ot
c o s e y
l b a l
r o ma n t a n ds h i , b u t o f Ha r b o u ro ro c a l Z o ee c k o n s n o t a l l i c r a c k e du p
b e .
n o wh e rn e a r a sg l a mo r o u s s I
” te te B O NK - OR TH TH
1 9 y e a r o lc lc o n f e s s e d . “ S a n dg o t e v e r y w h e r e , I g o t s u n b u r n t a n d h i n kh e r
g h t
b e e ns o me o n e
a t c h i n g o m h eb u s h e s …
We’re guessi gue ssing ng you re not into int o people watching you MESS AROUND AROUND rootfully, then? “ Ma y b eI c o u lb lb e , b u t I
k e
k n o wh ep e r s o n s t e a do f s o m a n d o mp e r h i d i n g
b u s ha n d
o u c h i n gh is e l f
Fair call. Ever rooted in any other exotic locations? I h a ds e x a t a a t e rp a ro n c e , J a b e r o od od o w n e a r Ka Ka ma . I wa s
40
STRA STRAII T ROM ROM ER O N MO T
41
42
h ig ig u y a n d
e r
n go n
o u ro ro we ln ln e a rh rh eb o t o mo f o n eo f
l r i G z O
h e a t e r s l d e sa n dI c o u ls ls e eh i g e tn tn g h a r d o na n dI j u s t c o u ud d n ’ h e
y s e l
So what –you splashed cold water all over his cock? I g r a b b e dh ih ih a n da n do do o kh i n t h eo i e t , o n eo f t h eb io io n e s h eb a b y c h a n gn ga b l e s h e ma n dh ep o p p e
Water-parks sound fun again! Where did he shoot his SPLOOGE? H
e d n i a M
u po n th e
a b la la n du du c k e d e .
p u l e do u t a n da m a l l oe oe r
y s t
b u t i t w a s O
u s t p u t mo rs u n s e e no na n d r u b b e t al al i n”
What a TROUPER! Do you let your CHEST PUPPIES PUPPIES roam free when you re sunbak sun bakng? ng? “ I f t h e r e ’n ’n o t a n yp e o p a r o u n do rf rf I ma t a
e n d h o u s e
p o o l t h e nI w . I wo u l d nt d o a t ab u s y b e a c
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RIVACY NOTICE NOTICE Thisis Thisiss e of TH E PICTU RE ispu ispu blis ed b y Bau er Media Media P ty L td (Bau (Bau er). Ba er m y u se d is lo seyo r in fo rm tio n in a co rd e w ith r P riv y P licy , inc lu in g to p r o v i d e y o u t h y o u r r eq eq u es e d p r o d u c t s o r se ser v i c e es s a n d t o k eep y o u i n f o r m ed o f o t h e err Ba Ba u e p u b l icic a t i o n s p r o d u c t s ser v i c e es s a n d ev ev en en t s Ou Ou r P r iivv a c y P o l iicc y i sl sl o c a t e d a t . b a u er - m ed i a . c o m a u / p r iviv a c y / I t a l s se set so so u t o n h o w y o u c a n a c c e ss o r c o r r ec ec t y o u r p e r s n a l in f o r m a t ioio n a n l o d g e a c o p l a inin t . Ba Ba u er m a y d s l o se se y o u r p er s n a l inin f o r m a t ioio n o f fs fs o r e toto i t so so w n e rs rs j o inin t v en en t u r e p a r t n er s se ser v i c e p r o v i d e err s a n d a g en t s l o c a t e d t h r o u g h o u t t h e o r l d , inin c l u d i n g i n N e Z e a l a n d , U S A, A, thth e P h i llpp p i n es es a n d t h e Eu Eu r o p e a n U n i o n In ition , th isiss e m y c ta in R ead er Offers b eing ffers c etition so r s rv eys R ead er Offersm y r equ ire yo u to ro vid e pers l inf rm tio n to en ter o r to ta e pa rt. P ers inform ation c ollected ollected for Read Read er Offe Offersm rsm ay b e dis lose losed b y usto service pr ovid ersasssi rsasssing ng Ba er in th e co ct o f th e Read er Offer an d to th er o rg is tio sp ro vid in g s ecia l p riz eso offerstha offerstha t are pa rt of the Read Read er Offe Offer. r. An An o pt-o ut c ho ice isprov ided w ith ith a Reader Offe Offer. n l es ess y o u ex er er c i se thth a t o p t - o u t c h o c e , p e r s n a l i n f o r m a t iioo n c o l l e ecc t ed ed f o r R e a d e r Of Of fe fer s m a y a l s b e d is is l o se sed b y u s t o o t h e r o r g a n s t io n s fofo r u se b y t h e m t o inin f o r m y o u a b o u t o t h e r p r o d u c t s se ser v i c e es s o r e v en en t s o r t o g i v et o o t h e r o r g a n i s t iioo n s t h a t m a y u se t h i si si n f o r m a t ioio n f o r thispu rp ose If yo u req ire fu rth er in fo rm tio , plea se ta t Bau er’sP riv y Offi er either b y em il at p r i v a c y o f fi c er er @ b a u er - m ed i a .c.c o m a u o r m a i l a t P r iivv a c y O ffiffi c e r Ba Ba u e r Me Med i a P t y L t d , 5 4 P a r k Street, Syd Syd ey NSW THE PICTUR E CH EEK Y CR OS S CO ND ITIONS O F EN TR Y
1 . I n f o r m a t ioio n o n h o w t o en en t e r a n d p r iizz es es f o r m p a r t o f tthh e se se C o n d i to t o n s o f En En t r y . 2 . En En t r y i so so p en t o r e s d en en t s o f Au Au s r a l iiaa a n d N e w Z ea l a n d . En En t r a n t s u n d er 1 8 y ea r s m u s h a v e p r i o r p a r e n t a l o r l eg eg a l g u a r d i a n c o n sen t b ef o r e en t er er i n g . E p l o y e es es o f t h e P r o m o t er er a n d t h ei r i m ed i a t e fafa m l ie ies a n d a g en c es a ss ss c i a t e edd i tthh t h i s p r o m o t i o n a r e i n el el ig i b l e toto en t e r . 3 . P r o m o t ioio n c o m en c e sN sN o v e b er er 2 8 , 2 0 1 6 a n d fi n a l e enn t r ie ies c lolo se se l a s m a i l o n Dec e b e r 2 6 , 2 0 1 6 ( “ P r o o t i o n a l P er iioo d ” ) . T h e w i n n er w l l b e d r a w n a t Ba Ba u er Me Med i a , 5 4 P a r k St r ee eet , Sy d n ey , NSW , on Decem er 2 , 20 6 a t 1 .0 m (AEST). (AEST). All ti esexp ressed in th ese Term sa Co ition sa re in AEST o r AEDST as lica le. Th e w in er w ill be in w ritin g ith in t o (2 b u s n es ess d a y s o f t h e d r a w a n d h i s h er er n a e l l b e p u b l is is ed i n T H E P I CT CT U R E m a g a z inin e o n Janu ary 23,2017. 4 . T o E n t er er , en en t r a n t s m u s c o m p l et et e t h e C h ee eek y C r o ss ss c r o s s o r d i n d i c a t ed ed o n t h e C h ee eek y C r o ss ss p a g e c o r r ec ec t l y , a n d p r o v i d e t h e c o r r ec ec t k e y w o r d f r o m t h e p u z z l e a n d se sen d t h e c o m p l et et e c o u p o n t o C H E EK EK Y C R OS OSS 1 4 2 0 , T H E I C T R E , O B o x 4 3 0 , E a s er er n S u b u r b s M C, C, N SW SW 2 0 0 4 5 . M u l tp t p l e en en t r i e es s p e r m i tttt ed ed s b j ec ec t t o e a c h en t r y m u s b e p o s e d i n a sep a r a t e s a m p e d env elop e. 6 . T h e u d g es es d e c is is o n s fi n a l a n d b i n d i n g o n a l l h o en t er er a n d n o c o r r e es s o n d e n c e l lb e ent ered in to 7 . T h e fi r s ( 1 ) v a l idid a n d c o r r e c t en en t r y d r a w n f r o m a l l v a l iidd e n t r ie ies r ec ec e iv ed ed w i llll w i n $ 1 0 0 0 . P r i z e i llll b e a w a r d ed i n t h e ffoo r m o f a c h eq u e a d e n f a v o u r o f tthh e w i n n e r . T h e p r i z e i sn sn o t r a n s e r a b l e o r e x c h a n g ea b l e. e. P r iizz e d o es n o t iinn c l u d e a n y a n c i llll a r y c o s s a ss c i a t e edd w i t redee redee ing thisprize. These These are the res res on sbility sbility o f the w inn er. 8 . I n t h e ev ev en en t t h a t f o r a n y r e a s n w h a t s e v er er t h e W n n er d o es n o t t a k e thth e p r i z e a t t h e t i e sip la ted b y th e P ro ter, th en th e pr ize w ill be fo rfeited b y th e W in er a d s ill no t b e aw ard ed in lieu o f the the prize. 9. In th e eve t that a p rize, rize, or pa rt of a p rize, rize, isun s un av ailable, the Pro oter res reservesthe righ t to s situ te th e pr ize o r p rt o f th e pr ize in its is retio n ith n ltern tive p riz e or p rt o f th e p r i z et o t h e s e a n d eq u a l r ec ec o m en d ed r e tata i l v a l u e a n d / o r s ec ifiifi c a t ioio n s b j ec ec t t o a n y r i tttt en en d i r e ecc t ioio n s f r o m t h e v a r ioio u s L o t tte er y D ep ep a r t m en t s 1 0 . Th Th e p r o o t er er i s n ei ei tthh e r r es es o n s b l e n o r l iaia b l e f o r a n y l a t e l o s o r i s i r ec ec t ed ed m a i l ( inin c l u d i n g b u t n o t lili m i tte ed t o p r i z e es s. 1 1 . Th Th e P r o o t er er i sn sn o t r es es o n s b l e n o r l iaia b l e f o r a n y p r i z e d a a g ed i n t r a n s t inin t h e d e lili v er er y o f their pr ize 1 2 . P r i n t inin g a n d o t h e r q u a l iitt y c o n t r o l e err r o r s w l l n o t iinn v a l id a t e a n o t h e r w i se v a lili d p r i z e c l a i m . I the event event of a qu ery asto the validity validity of an entry , the j dg esw il illl dete determ rm ine hether or no t the the ent ry isto e deem ed v lid , tak in g in to sd era tio n ll m itig tin g irc sa cesa k n o w l ed ed g e a v a i lala b l e t o t h e m a t t h e t i e o f thth e juju d g i n g . N o c o r r e s o n d e n c e w i llll b e en en t er er ed ed i n t o . 1 3 . InIn t h e ev en en t o f u n f o r e seen c r c u s a n c e s a r , t e err r o r i s , s a t e o f e er g e n c y o r d i s s e ( inin c l u d i n g b u t n o t l i t ed ed t o n a t u r a l d is is s e r )t)t h e P r o m o t er er r es eser v es es t h e r igig h t toto s b j ec ec t t o refere referenc nc e to all re rele levan van t sa te an d territory territory rulesand regulation s to can cel, cel, term term inate, od if o r s s en d t h e p r o m o t iioo n . 1 4 . I f a m ed i c a l c irir c u m s a n c e inin s e w a y r es es r icic t s yoyo u r a b l it y t o en en t er er t h e c o m p e tt t t ioio n t h r o u g t h e r eq eq u r ed ed m ec h a n i c , y o u a r e s ilil l el iigg i b l e t o e n t er er h o ev er er y o u u s b r i e y s a t e y o u c irir c u m s a n c es u p o n en en t r y . 1 5 . IfIf y o u r en en t r y i s sel ec ec t ed ed a s a w n n n g en t r y , v a l idid a t iioo n o f y o u r c i r c u m s a n c e s t h e v a l idid i t y o f y o u r en en t r y w l l b e u n d er t a k e n b y t h e P r o m o t er er . M Me et h o d o f v a l i d a t ioio n ( w i t h o u t l i tata t i o n ) w l l b e d e te ter m i n ed ed b y t h e P r o o t er er i n i tts s c o m p l et et e d i s r e titi o n . I f t h e w i n n i n g e n t r y i sd sd e e ed t o b e a i n n e r , t h e w n n er w i llll b e n o t i fi ed ed a s p e r t h e t er m s a n d c o n d i t io n s h e r en en . I n t h e ev ev en en t t h a t t h e r o m o t er er r eq eq u es s t h e en t r a n t t o s g n a n y l eg eg a l d o c u en t s r el el a t iinn g t o t h e v er er i fi c a t i o n o f thth e i ed i c a l c i r c u m s a n c e , t h e l eg eg a l d o c u en t s w i l ttaa k e t h e f o r m d e te ter m i n ed ed b y t h e r o m o t er er . I t s a c o n d t ioio n o f a c c e p t in g t h e p r i z et h e n n er s g n a n y s c h l eg a l d o c u m en t a t ioio n 1 6 . Th Th e P r o o t er er m a y c o n d u c t s c h f u r t h er er d r a w s a t t h e s e p l a c e a s t h e o r igig i n a l d r a w a n d 1 . 0 0 p m a s a r e n ec ec es ess r y o n F e b r u a r y 1 0 , 2 0 1 7 n o r d er er t o d i s r ibib u t e a n y p r i z es w h i c h r e a i n un claim ed b y tha t da te s bject bject to ref refe erence toto a ll rele releva nt sa te an d territory territory a tho ritie rities s The i n n e r w i llll b e n o t ifiifi e d inin w r iitt iinn g t h i n t w o d a y s o f t h e d r a w a n d w i llll b e p u b l is is ed i n P i c tutu r e a g a z inin e o n A p r ilil 1 7 , 2 0 1 7 . 17 . Nothing in the es se T er er m s a n d C o n d i t io n s lili m t s ex ex c l u d es o r m o d fi e s o r p u r p o r t s toto l i i t exc lu e or m ify th e sa tu to ry s er g ra teesa sp ro vid ed u er th e Com etition Co s er Act, a sw ell asa y o th er im lied w rr tiesu er th e ASIC Act o r sm ila r c s er pro tection tection law sin t e State State an d Territorie Territoriesof sof Aus Aus ralia (“Non -Exclud ab le ua ran tee tees). Exc Exc ept f o r a n y l iiaa b i lili tyty t h a t c a n n o t b y l a w b e ex ex c l u d ed , iinn c l u d i n g t h e N o n - E x c l u d a b l e u a r a n t ee ees t h e r o m o t er er ( i n c l u d n g i tts s r es es ec t iivv e o f fi c e r s e m p l o y e es es a n d a g en t s ex c l u d es a l l l ia b l itit y ( inin c l u d i n g n e g l igig e n c e ),), ffoo r a n y p e r s n a l inin j u r y ; o r a n y l o s so so r d a m a g e ( inin c l u d i n g l o ss ss o f o p p o r t u n i t y );); w h e thth e r d i r ec ec t , iinn d i rre ec t , s e c iaia l o r c o n s eq u en t i a l , a r i s n g n a n y w a y o u t o f t h e prom ot on. 1 8 . Ex Ex c e p t ffoo r a n y l i a b i l t y t h a t c a n n o t b y l a w b e ex ex c l u d ed , inin c l u d i n g t h e N o n - E x c l u d a b l e u a r a n t ee ees t h e P r o m o t er er ( inin c l u d i n g i tts s r es es ec t iivv e o f fi c er s e p l o y e es es a n d a g en t s i s n o t r es es o n s b l e f o r a n d ex c l u d es a l l lili a b i llii ttyy ( iinn c l u d i n g n e g l igig e n c e ),), ffoo r a n y p e r s n a l i n juju r y ; o r a n l o ss ss o r d a m a g e (i(i n c l u d i n g l o ss ss o f o p p o r t u n i t y );); w h e thth e r d i r ec ec t , inin d r ec ec t , s ec i a l o r c o n seq u en t i a l , a r i s n g i n a n y w a y o u t o f : ( a ) a n y t ec ec h n i c a l d i ffiffi c u l t iie es o r eq eq u p m en t m a l f u n c t ioio n ( w h et h er er o r n o t u n d e r thth e P r o o t er er ’ sc sc o n t r o l ));; ((bb ) a n y t h e ftft , u n a u t h o r i se sed a c c e ss o r t h i r d p a r t y interfe interference; rence; (c) any entry o r prize claim tha t islate islate,, los, altered, altered, da ag ed o r m isirecte ( w h et h er er o r n o t a f t e err t h e ir r ec ec e ip t b y t h e r o m o t er er ) d u e t o a n y r ea ea s n b ey o n d t h e r ea ea s n a b l e c o n t r o l o f thth e P r o o t er er ; (d(d ) a n y v a r i a t ioio n n p r iizz e v a lulu e t o t h a t s a t e d inin t h ese T er er m s a n Co ition s (e) an y ta x lia ility in rr ed b y a in er o r en tra t; o r (f) u se f th e pr ize. 1 9 . I f t h i sp sp r o o t i o n i s in t e r fe fer ed ed w t h i n a n y w a y o r iis s n o t c a p a b l e o f b e inin g c o n d u c t ed ed a s r ea ea s n a b l y a n t ic i p a t ed ed d u e toto a n y r ea ea s n b ey ey o n d t h e r ea ea s n a b l ec o n t r o l o f thth e P r o o t er er , thth e rom oter res reservesthe rigghh t, in itssle dis retion, retion, to th e fulle fulles s extent extent p erm itte ittedd by law : (a) (a) to d i s u a l ifif y a n y e n t r a n t ; o r ( b ) s b j ec t t o a n y w r iitt tte en d r ec ec t iioo n s f r o m a r e g u l a t o r y a u t h o r i t y , t o o d i fyfy , s s en d , te ter m n a t eo r c a n c el thth e p r o m o t ioio n , a s a p p r o p r iaia t e 2 0 . T h e P r o o t er er c o l le lec t s p er er s n a l inin f o r m a t ioio n n o r d er er t o c o n d u c t t h e p r o m o t ioio n a n d a y , fofo r t h i sp sp u r p o se, d is is l o se se s c h n f o r m a t i o n t o t h i r d p a r t iie es inin c l u d i n g b u t n o t l i i te ted t o a g e n t s c o n t r a c t o r s ser v i c e p r o v i d er er s p r i z es p p l iie er s a n d , a s r eq eq u i r ed , t o Au s r a l iaia n r eg eg u l a t o r y a u t h o r i t ie ies En En t r y is is c o n d i t io n a l o n p r o v i d iinn g t h s inin f o r m a t i o n . T h e r o m o t er er m a y , fofo r a n i n d e fi n i t ep e r ioio d , u n l es ess o t h e r w se a d v i se sed , u se thth e i n f o r m a t iioo n f o r p r o m o t i o n a l , m a r k et inin g p u b l icic i tyty , r es esea r c h a n d p r o fi l i n g p u r p o se ses i n c l u d i n g s en en d i n g e le lec t r o n c m ess g e s o r t el el ep ep h o n n g t h e en en t r a n t . E n t r a n t s s o u l d d i r e ecc t a n y r e q u e s t o o p t o u t , a c c ess u p d a t e o r c o r r e c t i n f o r m a t i o n t o t h e P r o o t er er . Al l en t r i e es s b e c o m e t h e p r o p e r t y o f thth e P r o o t er er . 2 1 . Al Al l en en t r i es b e c o m e thth e p r o p e r tyty o f t h e P r o o t er er . T h e c o l le lec t iioo n , u se se a n d d i s l o s r e o f p e rs rs n a l i n f o r m a t ioio n p r o v i d ed ed i n c o n n ec t ioio n t h t h is is p r o m o t ioio n s g o v er er n ed ed b y t h e P r iviv a c y No tice (see (see Con ten tsP e for lo tio n in t isiss isiss e). 22 . By entering ntering thispro otion , the entra nt co nsentsto nsentsto receipt receipt o f a n y e m a i l r eg eg a r d n g t h e p r o m o t ioio n , a n d o t h e err e a i ls ls w h i c h i n f o r m t h e en t r a n t o f t h e r o m o t er er ’ so so t h e r p u b l iicc a t i o n s p r o d u c t s ser v i c e es s a n d ev en en t s a n d t o p r o o t e t h i r d p a r t y g o o d s a n d se ser v i c e es s itit m a y b e interesed interesed in 2 3 . Th Th e P r o o t er er i sB sB a u e r Me Med i a L i m t ed ed ( AB AB N 1 8 0 5 3 2 7 3 5 4 6 ) o f 5 4 – 5 8 P a r k St r ee eet , Sy d n ey , NSW .P e: 92 2 2 4 . Au Au t h o r i sed u n d er p e r m t n u m b e r:r: N SW SW P e r m t N o . L T P M /1/1 5 / 0 1 2 0 4 . THE PICTUR E SP OT T HE D IFFE RE N CE C ON DITION S OF E N TRY
1 . I n f o r m a t ioio n o n h o w t o en en t e r a n d p r i z e es s f o r m p a r t o f thth e se se C o n d i to t o n s o f En En t r y . P a r t icic i p a t i o n i s t h i sp sp r o o t i o n i sd sd e e ed a c c e p t a n c e o f t h e es se t er er m s a n d c o n d t iioo n s 2 . En En t r y i so so p en t o r e s d en en t s o f Au Au s r a l iiaa a n d N e w Z ea l a n d . En En t r a n t s u n d er 1 8 y ea r s m u s h a v e p r i o r p a r e n t a l o r l eg eg a l g u a r d i a n c o n sen t b ef o r e en t er er i n g . E p l o y e es es o f t h e P r o m o t er er a n d t h ei r i m ed i a t e fafa m l ie ies a n d a g en c es a ss ss c i a t e edd i tthh t h i s p r o m o t i o n a r e i n el el ig i b l e toto en t e r . 3 . P r o m o t ioio n c o m en c e sN sN o v e b er er 2 8 , 2 0 1 6 a n d fi n a l e enn t r ie ies c lolo se se l a s m a i l o n Dec e b e r 2 6 , 2 0 1 6 ( “ P r o o t i o n a l P er iioo d ” ) . T h e w i n n er w l l b e d r a w n a t Ba Ba u er Me Med i a , 5 4 P a r k St r ee eet , Sy d n ey , NSW , on Decem er 2 , 20 6 a t 1 .0 m (AEST). (AEST). All ti esexp ressed in th ese Term sa Co ition sa re in AEST o r AEDST as lica le. Th e w in er w ill be in w ritin g ith in t o (2 b u s n es ess d a y s o f t h e d r a w a n d h i s h er er n a e l l b e p u b l is is ed i n T H E P I CT CT U R E m a g a z inin e o n Janu ary 23,2017.
4
4. To Enter, Enter, Entra Entra ntsm us co plete plete the Spo Spo t The Diff Differe erenc nc e pu zzle pa ge corr ectly an d send send the c o m p l et et ed ed c o u p o n t o S P O T T H E D IFIF F E R EN EN C E 1 4 2 0 , T H E I C T R E , O B o x 4 0 8 8 , Ea Ea s e r n Su rb sMC, NSW 5 . Mu Mu l t ipip l e en t r i e es s p e r m t te ted s b j ec ec t t o e a c h en t r y m u s b e p o s ed ed i n a sep a r a t e s a m p e d env elop e. Th e P ro ter isn either r es sb le no r lia le for la te or is irec ted en tries n c l u d i n g b u t n o t l i t ed ed t o t h e c o s o f se sen d i n g t h e en en t r y v i a e x p r e ss p o s , r eg eg i s er er ed ed p o s o co ur ier. These co ssa re the res res on s ilit ilityy o f the inn er. 6 . T h e ju d g e s d ec ec i s o n i s fi n a l a n d n o c o r r e s o n d en c e w i llll b e en en t e re red i n t o . 5 . T h e fi r s ( 1 ) v a l i d a n d c o r r e c t en en t r y d r a w n f r o m a l l v a l id e n t r iie es r ec ec e iv ed ed w l l i n $ 5 0 0 – P r iizz e l l b e a w a r d ed i n t h e ffoo r m o f a c h eq u e a d e i n f a v o u r o f t h e n n er . T h e p r iziz e i sn sn o t r a n s e r a b l e o r e x c h a n g ea b l e. e. P r i z ed o es n o t inin c l u d e a n y a n c l llaa r y c o s s a ss ss c i a t e edd w t h redeem redeem ing thisprize. These These are the the reso nsb ilit ilityy o f the w inn er. 6 . I n t h e ev ev en en t t h a t f o r a n y r e a s n h a t s e v er er t h e W i n n e r d o e s n o t t a k e t h e p r iziz e a t t h e t i e sip la ted b y th e P ro ter, th en th e pr ize w ill be fo rfeited b y th e W in er a d s ill no t b e a w a r d ed n l ieu o f t h e p r i z e 7. In the event event tha t a p rize, rize, or pa rt of a p rize, rize, isun s un av ailable, the Pro oter res reservesthe rvesthe right to s situ te the p riz e or p rt o f th e pr ize in its is retio n ith n ltern tive p riz e or p rt o f th e p r i z et o t h e s m e a n d e q u a l r ec ec o m en d ed r e tata i l v a l u e a n d / o r s ec i fi c a t ioio n s b j ec ec t t o a n r itit te ten d i r e ecc t ioio n s f r o m t h e v a r ioio u s L o t te ter y D ep ep a r t m en t s 8 . T h e p r o m o t er er i sn sn e itit h e r r es es o n s b l e n o r l iaia b l e f o r a n y l a t e l o s o r i s i r ec ec t ed ed m a i l ((ii n c l u d i n g b u t n o t l i i te ted t o p r iziz es es . 9 . T h e r o m o t er er i sn sn o t r es es o n s b l e n o r l iaia b l e f o r a n y p r i z e d a a g ed i n t r a n s t in t h e d e l v er er y o f their their p rize 1 0 . P r i n t in g a n d o t h e r q u a l it y c o n t r o l e err r o r s w i llll n o t i n v a l i d a t e a n o t h e r w se v a l id p r iizz e c lala i m . I the event event of a qu ery asto th e va lidity lidity of an entry, tthe he jud jud gesw il illl dete determ rm ine hether or no t the ent ry isto e deem ed v lid , ta in g in to co sd era tio n ll m itig tin g irc sa esa k n o w l ed ed g e a v a i lala b l et o t h e m a t t h e titi m e o f thth e juju d g i n g . N o c o r r es es o n d e n c e w i llll b e en t e r ed i n t o . 1 1 . I n t h e ev ev en en t o f u n f o r e seen c i rcrc u s a n c e s w a r , te ter r o r i s , s a t e o f e er g e n c y o r d i s s e ( in c l u d i n g b u t n o t l i i te ted t o n a t u r a l d i s s e r )t)t h e P r o m o t er er r es eser v es es t h e r iigg h t t o s b j ec ec t t o refe reference toto a ll rele releva nt sa te an d territory territory ru lesan lesan d regu lations to ca nc el, el, term term inate, od if o r s s en d t h e p r o m o t iioo n . 1 2 . I f a m ed i c a l c irir c u m s a n c e inin s e w a y r es es r icic t sy sy o u r a b i l t y t o en en t er er t h e c o m p e t t io n t h r o u g t h e r eq u i r ed m ec h a n c , y o u a r e s ilil l el ig i b l e t o e n t er er h o w ev er er y o u u s b r i e eflfl y s a t e y o u r c irir c u m s a n c es es u p o n en t r y . 1 3 . I f y o u r en t r y i s sel ec ec t ed ed a s a w i n n i n g en t r y , v a l idid a t iioo n o f y o u r c i r c u m s a n c e s t h e v a lili d iitt y o f y o u r en en t r y w i llll b e u n d e r tata k en b y t h e P r o m o t er er . M Me et h o d o f v a l idid a t iioo n ( w i t h o u t llii m t a t iioo n ) w i llll b e d e te ter m n e d b y t h e P r o o t er er i n i ts ts c o m p l et et e d i s r e t io n . IfIf t h e i n n i n g en t r y i s d ee ee ed t o b e a n n er , thth e w i n n e r w l l b e n o t ifiifi e d a s p e r t h e t er er m s a n d c o n d t iioo n s h e r ei ei n . InIn t h e ev ev en en t t h a t t h e r o m o t er er r eq eq u es s t h e en t r a n t toto s g n a n y l e g a l d o c u m en t s r el el a t in g t o t h e v er er iififi c a t iioo n o f t h e i ed i c a l c i r c u m s a n c e , t h e l eg eg a l d o c u en t s w l l t a k e thth e fofo r m d e te ter m i n ed ed b y t h e r o m o t er er . I t i s a c o n d t io n o f a c c e p t in g t h e p r i z et h e n n er s g n a n y s c h l eg eg a l d o c u m en t a t ioio n . 1 4 . Th Th e P r o o t er er m a y c o n d u c t s c h f u r t h er er d r a w s a t t h e s e p l a c e a s t h e o r i g inin a l d r a w a n d 1 . 0 0 p m a s a r e n ec ec es ess r y o n F e b r u a r y 1 0 , 2 0 1 7 n o r d e r ttoo d s r ibib u t e a n y p r iizz es es w h i c h r e a i n u n c l a i e b y t h a t d a t e s b ec t t o r ef ef er en en c e t o a l l r el el ev ev a n t s a t e a n d t er er r itit o r y a u t h o r i t es T h e
i n n e r w i l l b e n o t iififi e d inin w r i ttnn g t h i n t w o d a y s o f t h e d r a w a n d w l l b e p u b l iis s ed i n P i c ttuu r e a g a z iinn e o n Ap Ap r i l 1 7 , 2 0 1 7 15 . N Noo t h i n g i n t h e es se T er er m s a n d C o n d i ttoo n s lili m i tts s ex ex c l u d es o r m o d fi e s o r p u r p o r t s toto l i i t exc lu e or m ify th e sa tu to ry s er g ra t eesa eesa sp ro vid ed u er th e Com etition Co s er Act, a sw ell asa y o th er im lied w rr tiesu er th e ASIC Act o r sm ila r c s er pr otection otection la sin the State State an d Territorie Territoriesof sof Aus Aus ralia (“Non -Exclud ab le ara ntees ntees ). Except f o r a n y l iiaa b l iitt y tthh a t c a n n o t b y l a w b e ex ex c l u d ed , iinn c l u d i n g t h e N o n - E x c l u d a b l e u a r a n t ee ees t h e r o m o t er er ( i n c l u d n g t s r es es ec t iivv e o f fi c e r s e m p l o y e es es a n d a g en t s ex c l u d es a l l lili a b i llii t ( iinn c l u d i n g n e g l igig e n c e ),), ffoo r a n y p e r s n a l inin j u r y ; o r a n y l o ss ss o r d a m a g e ( iinn c l u d i n g l o ss ss o f o p p o r t u n i t y );); w h e thth e r d i r ec ec t , iinn d i rre ec t , s e c iaia l o r c o n s eq u en t i a l , a r i s n g n a n y w a y o u t o f t h e prom ot on. 1 6 . Ex Ex c e p t ffoo r a n y l i a b i l t y t h a t c a n n o t b y l a w b e ex ex c l u d ed , inin c l u d i n g t h e N o n - E x c l u d a b l e u a r a n t ee ees t h e P r o m o t er er ( in c l u d i n g i tts s r es es ec t iivv e o f fi c er s e p l o y e es es a n d a g e n t s is is n o r es es o n s b l e f o r a n d ex c l u d es a l l lili a b i llii ttyy ( iinn c l u d i n g n e g l igig e n c e ),), ffoo r a n y p e r s n a l i n j u r y ; o r a n y l o ss ss o r d a m a g e ( n c l u d i n g l o ss ss o f o p p o r t u n i t y );); w h e thth e r d i r ec ec t , inin d r ec ec t , s e c iaia l o c o n seq u en t i a l , a r i s n g i n a n y w a y o u t o f : ( a ) a n y t ec ec h n i c a l d i ffiffi c u l t iie es o r eq eq u p m en t m a l f u n c t iioo n ( w h et h er er o r n o t u n d e r thth e P r o o t er er ’ sc sc o n t r o l ));; ((bb ) a n y t h e ftft , u n a u t h o r i se sed a c c e ss o r t h i r d p a r t y interfe interference; rence; (c) any entry o r prize claim tha t iislate slate,, los, altered, altered, da ag ed o r m isirected isirected ( w h et h er er o r n o t a f t e err t h ei ei r r ec e ip t b y t h e P r o m o t er er ) d u e t o a n y r ea ea s n b ey o n d t h e r ea ea s n a b l e c o n t r o l o f thth e P r o o t er er ; (d(d ) a n y v a r i a t ioio n i n p r i z e v a l u e ttoo t h a t s a t ed ed i n t h e se se T er er m s a n Co ition s (e) an y ta x lia ility in rr ed b y a in er o r en tra t; o r (f) u se f th e pr ize. 1 7 . If tthh i s p r o m o t i o n i s in t e r fe fer ed ed w t h i n a n y w a y o r iis s n o t c a p a b l e o f b e in g c o n d u c t ed ed a s r ea ea s n a b l y a n t i c ipip a t ed ed d u e t o a n y r e a s n b e y o n d t h e r ea ea s n a b l e c o n t r o l o f tthh e P r o m o t er er , t h e rom oter res reservesthe ervesthe righ righ t, in itssle disretioonn , ttoo th e f ll lles es extent extent perm it itte tedd b y law : ((a) a) to d i s u a l iiff y a n y e n t r a n t ; o r ( b ) s b j ec t t o a n y r iitt tte en d r ec ec t iioo n s f r o m a r e g u l a t o r y a u t h o r i t y , t o o d i fyfy , s s en d , te ter m n a t eo r c a n c el t h e p r o m o t ioio n , a s a p p r o p r iiaa t e 1 8 . T h e P r o o t er er c o l le lec t s p er er s n a l inin f o r m a t ioio n n o r d er er t o c o n d u c t t h e p r o m o t ioio n a n d a y , fofo r t h i sp sp u r p o se, d is is l o se se s c h i n f o r m a t i o n t o t h i r d p a r t iie es inin c l u d i n g b u t n o t l i i tte ed t o a g e n t s c o n t r a c t o r s ser v i c e p r o v i d er er s p r iizz e s p p l iie er s a n d , a s r eq eq u i r ed , t o Au s r a l iiaa n r eg eg u l a t o r y a u t h o r i t iie es En En t r y iis s c o n d i t io n a l o n p r o v i d iinn g t h s inin f o r m a t i o n . T h e r o m o t er er m a y , ffoo r a n i n d e fi n i t ep e r ioio d , u n l es ess o t h e r w i se se a d v i se sed , u se t h e inin f o r m a t iioo n f o r p r o m o t i o n a l , m a r k et iinn g p u b l iicc i ttyy , r es esea r c h a n d p r o fi l iinn g p u r p o ses i n c l u d n g sen d n g el ec ec t r o n i c m ess g e s o r t el el ep ep h o n n g t h e en en t r a n t . E n t r a n t s s o u l d d i r e ecc t a n y r e q u e s t o o p t o u t , a c c ess u p d a t e o r c o r r e c t i n f o r m a t i o n t o t h e P r o o t er er . Al l en t r i e es s b e c o m e t h e p r o p e r t y o f thth e P r o o t er er . 19 . All entriesbecom ntriesbecom e the prop erty of the rom oter. The collection collection , use an d d islos re of p e rs rs n a l i n f o r m a t ioio n p r o v i d ed ed n c o n n e c t o n t h t h is is p r o m o t ioio n s g o v er er n ed ed b y t h e P r iviv a c y No tice (see (see Con ten tsP e for lo tio n in t isiss e). 2 0 . By By e n t er er iinn g t h i s p r o m o t iioo n , tthh e en en t r a n t c o n sen t s t o r e c ei ei p t o f a n y e m a i l r e egg a r d i n g t h e p r o m o t ioio n , a n d o t h er er e a i ls ls w h c h n f o r m t h e en t r a n t o f t h e P r o m o t er er ’’s s o t h er er p u b l icic a t ioio n s p r o d u c t s ser v i c e es s a n d ev en en t s a n d t o p r o o t e t h i r d p a r t y g o o d s a n d se ser v i c e es s itit m a y b e inte err es es ed ed n . 2 1 . T h e P r o m o t er er i s Ba Ba u er M ed ed i a L i m t ed ed ( AB N 1 8 0 5 3 2 7 3 5 4 6 ) o f 5 4 – 5 8 P a r k S trtr ee eet , Sy d n ey , N NS SW 2 0 0 0 . P h o n e: 9 2 8 2 8 0 0 0 2 2 . Au Au t h o r i sed u n d er p e r m t n u m b er er s N SW SW P e r m t N o . L T P M /1/1 5 / 0 1 2 0 4 .
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u b s ndd c l u b s a n u p u n p n i d nd n u o f r e te t u p u p m o c d e te t a c ic i t s is i h p h y s o p igg h l y A h i . laa y . p l too p r t hoo u r h n a 0 0 0 1 $1 $ o to p t p u t u t s o c n a c t u b u b n u u f ree a t ree . G r hee r vee r y w h e v laa h . o o l M a g e M d nd n a e le l i N i N e he h t f o n e e ue u Q u d e n c l ud lss i nc m o d e l r m laa r u l p u Poo p P
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’D BE EE E N g oi oi n g o ut ut w itit h m y g ir i r l f or or a couple of months when we decided to go on holiday holidays together.W together.W e were both b ro k e , so w he n a m at e o ff e re d u s h is caravan, Ithough t:“Be t:“Be wdy!” Iwa s e xp e ct in g s om e t h in g wi t h a k it ch e n and all that, but itit turned out t o be a little pop-u p job.I ob.It wasn’t so m uch a caravan as a box trailer with curtains. An ywa y, we go t t o ou r d e s t in at io n fa ir ly late and Iset th is thing up in the van park. Th e n we we re ke e n t o g e t d ow n t o s om e serious screwing. I’m ove r s ix f oo t , an d m y gir l N in a is p re t t y tall as well, so when we climbed into this
van /t ra il e r t h in g an d fo ld e d ou t t h e b e d t he re wa s n ’t m uc h roo r oo m f or a n yt h in g e ls e . My head kept hitting the roof, my feet were sticking outside, and the whole thing was creaking and shuddering. But fuck it, we were gu nna have have our first holiday fuck, so we worked out that if she starfished on the bed and Ihung one leg outside and braced myself with with the othe r foot on the floor, Icould Icould slide m y cock up her without too much trouble. W e g ot a go od r h yt hm go in g , bu t w it h t h e suspension squeaking and random bits of gear falling off the sh elves it was hard to concentrate.
However, we were so horny that it didn’t take long before her m oans were louder than the suspension and we were both close to coming. W he n s h e w e n t t o wr ap h e r l e g s ar ou n d my waist, waist, her feet poked through the side wa ll s a s w e ll , bu t w e s t il l c ar ri e d o n , an d as N in a ca m e s he l e t o ut on e o f he r t ra de m ar k squeals that let m e know I’d hit the m ark. Iro ll e d o ff h e r an d pr e t t y mu ch fe l l ou t of the van, only to see half a dozen people poking their heads out of their caravans caravans enjoying oying the sh ow.W ow.W e were t he stars of th e van p ar k af t e r t h at . L .F . T OR ON T O N SW
VI
E
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MY FAVOUR ITE holiday root was a c o m p l e t e r a n d o m . Iw Iw a s i n S p a i n o n a g a p ye ye a r t o g e t s o m e c u l t u r e a n d I w a s t a k in g i t s e r io u s l y, l o o k in g a t heaps of cathedrals and art m u s e u m s . Th Th e t o u r g r o u p I w a s w i t h w a s m o s t l y o l d ie s , s o Iw a s n ’t expect ing any sex action. Be ing a 19-y 19-yearear- old chick, it w a s n ’t l o n g b e f o r e Ig o t a b it a n t s y, a n d m y l i t t l e b u l l e t v ib ib r a t o r w a s gett ing a work out. Th e r e w a s n o o n e in t h e g r o u p I’d I’d dre am of fu cking so Iwas just gunn a put up with it, then we got to Barcelona and a new tour guide took over. Fu F u c k e n h e l l , In e a r l y c r e a m e d m y panties! He was like a young Antonio Banderas, and by the way he checked out every woman on th e coach Icould s e e h e w a s a p l a ye ye r . W h e n I ju m p e d o n t h e b u s t h e next m orning my legs were freshly shaved, m y 34Cs 34Cs wer e on display, and every time he looke d m y way I gave him m y “Iwanna “Iwanna fuck you” look. Th e n e x t s t o p w a s f o r a t w o - h o u r w a l k t h r o u g h a m o n a s t e r y, b u t Is a id Ih a d a s o r e l e g a n d w o u l d s it t h is one out. M y S p a n is is h h u n k s a i d h e ’ d s t a y a n d l o o k a f t e r m e . An An d d i d h e f u c k e n w h a t ! A s s o o n a s t h e o t h e r s h a d b u g g e r e d o f f , w e g o t b a c k o n t h e b u s , w h e r e h e p u s h e d m e o n t o a seat, knelt down and pulled off my shorts before spreading my legs a n d ja m m i n g h i s t o n g u e d e e p i n t o my hungry snatch. P e o p l e w e r e w a l k in g p a s t t h e b u s a s h e l i c k e d m e t o m y f ir ir s t o r g a s m , t h e n h e s t o o d u p , d r o p p e d h i s je a n s a n d p r e s e n t e d h i s m e a t y d ic ic k t o b e s u c k e d . Ig Ig a v e itit e n o u g h t o g e t i t good and hard, then put my legs over his shoulders so he could slide it d e e p i n s id id e m e . O w in g t o m y r e c e n t d r o u g h t , Iw a s g u s h i n g i n m i n u t e s – e ve ve n h e w a s amazed at h ow wet Iwas – and after I’ d c o m e , a n d h e ’d c o m e , w e l e f t a b ig p u d d l e o f ju i c e s o n t h e b u s s e a t f o r someone else t o sit on. ELLI ELLIE,C E,C AN B ERR ERRA,A A,A C T
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Sc e 0 if w e lishh lis r h t to in t a l e M e s r e t ’s ’s o er t n r d s, a n d c l e y o r c u r r e t r es ess an d ph on e b er er . L e er s a y b e ed ited fo r c la ity
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AM P IN G w it h a b u n ch of m at e s s e e m e d like a good way to kill a week of t he holidays. holidays.But But after a couple of nights of warm beer, Chisel songs and screaming hangovers in in a hot tent sm elling of Spam Spam farts, the m agic had worn off. off. Iwa s w al ki n g of f m y han go ve r on t h e third morning when Icame Icame across anothe r campsite , with with thre e babes sitting in folding folding chairs having having a glas s of wine. Th e y off e re d m e a g la s s , an d It ho ug ht I’d hang out with the m for a while.Turned while.Turned out two of the babes were lezzos, and and the other wa s s t ra ig ht .The le zz os ha d a t e n t , an d t h e straight chick, Di, had her own. Aft e r a fe w wi ne s D i co n fe s s e d l is t e ni n g to the other t wo get their lez on at night night was tem pting her to go over over to t he other side. Th e n s he l oo ke d at m e c he e ki ly an d a dd e d: “So I’m gl ad yo u c am e a lo n g! ” S he he s ai ai d t o c om om e b ac ac k i n t h e e ve ve ni n i n g w he he n i t w as as c oo o o l,l, s o Is t ay aye d o ff ff t h e p is is s t h e r e st st o f
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E the day and when my mat es were fall-over drunk Ibuggere Ibuggere d off back to the girls’ campsite , where Ifound Ifound Di outside on her sleeping bag. Ila y do wn b e s id e h e r an d w e s t ar t e d pashing pashing and feeling each other up.W up.W hen she pulled m y dick dick out and went down on me, Ira is e d m y he ad , t o s e e t h e t wo l e zz os go in g at it in their tent with th e flaps wide open. Fu ck m e ! A bl ow ie AN D a l e zz o s h ow ! D i pu s h e d m e o n t o m y bac k, t h re w a le g over and started to ride m e while Iwatched Iwatched the le zzos, who in in turn were wat ching us. Eve ryo n e w as pe rvi ng on e ve ryo n e e ls e , and all four of us blew our wads about the same time. Fo r t h e r e s t o f t h e w e e k Ihu n g o ut wi t h the g irls, just d ropping back to see m y mates every now and the n. C am pi ng ’s n ot s o b ad , Ifig u re d .You .You jus t n e e d t h e r ig ig h t c om o m p an a n y. y. B.K.,O K.,O RAN G E,N SW
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G i r l s G O H A R D ! G O H O M IE S!
BEST BE ST OF 2016
H o m e G ir ls
1 .
GH, VIC E g h t e e n y e a r o l a n a d i a n
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ADELAIDE, SA “Ihave two d ogs and tw o cats,” says 25-year-old native crow-eater A shlee.“Icl assify m y anim als as my chil dren, dren, which t ends to leave leave people very confused.B confused.B oth dogs and cats make good pet s, for the simple fact it’ s a great great feeling to come home after a long day at wo rk to get c udd les:pure lov e.”
Y u ls e tw o e t CH EST I ES ES o n h ic ic h to to lala v is is yo r at e n Th s dy “I “I play w it h boo bs as muc h as possible.They are fun t o play Big eso r s ll es wi th.” Big “E “E it her.M her.M ine aren’ t overl y big , so I guess playi ng wi th bi gger boo bs than m ine i s always f un.”
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BESTOF2016 BESTOF 2016 BA,, QL BA QLD D “I’ m d efini efi ni te ly a part y p erso n,” says 24-year 24-year-old -old G erman traveller Pho enix Sun.“I love to dance all night long in clubs or head-bang for t hree days at rock fest ivals.I have been to a lot of g ood f estivals, but I think t he best was the Fusion Fest Fe st iva l i n G erm any.” An th in
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family, my f riends riends and G erman erman f oo d and beer. be er.” h a t l you
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ssa b o u t A s r a l a e y o u g et et o m e “I “I wi ll mi ss the wh ol e ba ck pac ker l if est yl e. A nd th e w eat he r.Bu t m ost of all, the beautiful A ustralian ustralian people I met, especially f rom To ow oo mb a.I do n’ t m in d To ow oo mb a;i t’ s no t t oo bi g and not to o small.Yo small.Yo u have everyt hi ng yo u need .” Ma e
To a ee sy u yo r b e t rse o say ow n a e er .
“I’m d e fin itely a p arty person”
SYDNEY, NSW “I’ m ho pin g to g o on a swi ngi ng holi day soon,” says says 30-year-old 30-year-old K J. a n g o n – y o u ’ e g u n n a
bes e di g yo r vaca on n k i d ’ s p l a y g r o u n d ? “It’ s wh ere a
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“N ever, but I’v I’v e heard they ’re awesome.Li awesome.Li ke your typical ‘di ‘di rty w eeken d’ ex cep t wi th m ore peop pe opll e.” a v e y o u ev er er h a
a d rt rtyy w eeke d h e co e? Or m et er co e o s ap h eo n o l d a y ? “O ne ti me, ex cept I end ed up having too much to drink and fell asleep. asleep.That’s That’s w hy I’ I’ m keen to do i t properly thi s time.It time.It was actually in Thailand, and we were all at t he same bar.W bar.W e were sharing sharing Singapore sling cockt ail buc ket s.They w ere swin gers and we ov erheard them tal ki ng abo ut one o f t hei r partie s.”
.
Li uor uo r me up and and love me!”
N N BE L L E R OS OSS S E
9 .
TH
E veryone very one is surprised surprised when I tell them I have have 1 4 piercing piercings s,”admits admits 25-year-old 25-year-old A nnabe nnabelle. lle. W h er e ar e t h ey? I hav h ave e fi ve in each each ear, ear, a nipple piercin piercing, g, my belly button button and and two downstairs downstairs.. I was gonna gonna get my other other nipple done but becau because se I have the world’ wor ld’ s most sensitiv sensitive e nipples nippl es,, it hurt too much. So I m not doing that that again.”H ow painful painful was was it getting downstairs downstairs done? “ T he clit cli t piercing pi ercing wasn’ wasn’ t painful. painful. It just just felt like I d been been fl icked icked and and the der dermal mal was insane insanely ly painful.” W as i t o dd h avi n g a str an ger ge r messing messing around down there with with a little prick? I t w as a chick, chic k, and I v e never nev er had a girl down there before. If I w asn’ asn’ t in so much pain, I could’ ve found it arousing.” A n y pl an s to in vit e a g ir l d ow ow n t h er er e a ga ga i n ? “ O nly nl y if I m dru d runk nk and and having having a thre threes esome ome.. L iquor me up and love love me!” me!”
BESTOF2016 BESTOF 2016
H o m e G ir ir l s
QLD
“I becom becom e m ore
Jade, Jade, 19, may b e “ex “ex trem ely shy”, but she has has some very fond rooting m emories.“ emories.“M y first sexual experience was with a gi rl. W e were at my f riend ’s ho use and we w ere playi ng around wi th eac h other.She other.She asked asked me to foll ow her, so I di d, and i t just happ ened. ene d.”
con fid e n t ever eve ry tim e I d o it”
An
th e L EZ BO L OV E sn e “
t
enco unt ers
were wi th m y ex , we ’d g et gi rls to have a threesome. threesome.H H e’d t alk to th em first, because I’ I’ m shy, but u suall y it d oesn’ t tak e muc h conv inc ing .” Ev er g et th e g u y inin o r t e “I’v e onl y ever done one gi rl one guy, that way I get t he best o f bo th w orld s. I li ke wh en th e girl i s in to p of m e and the g uy i s on bot h of us.”
. 1 1 “I like w h e n th e g irlis on top ofm e”
. 10 ƒLƒSKƒ NARARA, NSW D on ’ t g et yo ur ho pes u p i f bac k.” I sw lk in g th e sa g o o d w a y to to m eet g u y s “It 23-y ear-o ld A lask a sug gests ge sts a bit of doggy in the park. attracts attenti attenti on from guys and C han ce s are she ’ s tal ki ng abo ut gi rls.It’ rls.It’ s gre at.” w esit sit fee fee taking her three pooches f or a sng e r t ese p h s ts “I th in k I beco wal k.“T he ir n ames am es are M arle y, be co me mo re Fran k an d B rut us: th ree b oy s; confident every every t ime I do it.I’ it.I’ m still no t 100 per cent on open leg one lab, one Staff y and one bu ll do g.F rank was re scu ed f rom stuff , t houg h.” So So a ree reer i the R SPC A .” h a t a k e es sd o g s p o r n s o t o n e c a r d s t e e er p e st , s y c s go “H a ha! N ot unle un le ss my f ami ly s o r BO BOY R I E N DS D S “Th ey suddenly went bli nd or they paid are are cuddly, loyal and don’t t alk me bil li ons.”
. 2 1
MY SURFERS SURFE RS PA PARADI RADISE, SE, QLD “I’ m E ng li sh and a nat ural redhe edheaad, which which make makess me feisty feisty as hell,”reckons 24-yea 24-yearr-old ca n t j s a k e Po m A my. e ca
y o u o r d . Yo Yo u r eg eg o i a v e t e ss e r ea ea l l fesy fe sy ro veit “A “A f rie nd of
hobbi es ts k nd ak b o a r d i n g ” ”
mine and her her par partner tner and and Iall Iall we nt ou t f or di nner nn er and af te r a f ew ew d ri ri nk nk s w e d ec ec i de de d t ak ak e i t bac k t o t hei r ho use .T hi ng s go t
hea heated ver very quickly uickly and and befor beforee yo u kn ow it we w ere all in th e jacu zz i nak ed wi th my f rie nd and Itasting one another another.” e
o p e h e en en jo jo y e e s o w y o u s g ra r a c ioio u s b iuiu n g e o n .
“It was so ho t and she and I have haven’t n’t been been able able to resis esistt doing doing it a few times times since since. .H er par partner tner doesn’t doesn’t mind, either. either.” So e s
a
lse, th e
era r al naked he j a c u z z i ”
(TOP (T OP TI TITS) TS) BRIGHTON, VIC “D “D oes havin g a threesom e wi th a Breastica Breastically lly gifted lingerie lingerie sales sales assi assist stan antt Sky, Sky, 23, has has some some tips sex sex shop shop atten attenda dant nt that that my par partner tner foryour foryour next next trip trip to get get youroth yourotheer and Ipicke Ipickedd up on her her penth penthous ousee Ye e’ll tch th half half kitte kittedd out out in knick knicker erss and bra bras. roof roof count?” count?” Ye sse y. “Il “A “A cup size that is not a grope “Il ove my job but I mea measure ure is always lways a good good place place to like being being outdoor outdoorss even ven mor more. e.M My star start.You t.You can can always lways find this on hobbies hobbies include jet-skiing, et-skiing, wakewakethe tag on her existing existing bras bras. .” Do es boardi ng and lazi ng by my poo l.”
o rk r k inin g s c h b o o b a l c iioo u s e iro e t le d to s se e y a ti s
ecert ecertainly ainly op et at t e azi s e ke
. 3 1 63
BESTOF2016 BESTOF 2016
H o m e G ir ir l s
E, WA
“I’m ke keen en to fin d ou tw h at sleep in g w ith a w om an is like”
G oo d n ews, ew s, G ram ramps! ps! “I lo ve older guys and and my cli t being played wi th,” recko recko ns 23-year23-yearold model Brook L ogan.“ ogan.“M y ideal man would have to be funny, wit h a good sense sense of hum ou r, and lo yal .” h a t
a p p e s en y o u eet p i p er er s n “I lo ve an al se x eve ry
now and again – I love m y peac hy arse c heek s.” o u l
ya
k t
, e’ve
s eth in g in n – e lo e yo r p e ch y rse ch ee st Are s in es “N o. I was o nc e o n a ni gh t o ut wi th some friends, and this chi ck I met in there was bisexual, bisexual, to o. So we got talking and drinking drinking together in the club, and ended up getting very drunk.A drunk.A ft er a lot of d rinks we were both so horny, horny, so we got up to naughty naughty stuff i n the c lub to ile ts.”
“I love an a n al sex se x ever eve ry now an and d ag ain ”
. 4 1
S
SEAFORD, SA “I have had a th reeso me or t wo wit w it h t wo me n and no w I’ I’ m k een to find out what sleeping sleeping with a wo man is l ik e,” says 19-y ear-o ld thrillseeker thrillseeker Lexi . le se ta e
ru ed g r lls s rou e e s f DO BL E DI C KI N “It i s no t t hat gre at .
It It just just sou nd s ho t.O r may be i t is.M ost lik ely the g uys I was wit w it h d id n’ t k now w hat th ey w ere do in g – i t w as just awkw ard.”
a t d id id
ey g et et r o n g ?
“W el l, on e o f th em cam e t oo qui ck , an d t he o th er was k in d of f ucking like a C hihuahua. hihuahua. It It w as de fin it el y n ot wo rth it .”
. 5 1
a t d id id t e g u y w o s o t o o e ly o ile th e th er g a s ttaa k g D O Y ST YL YL E toto o li lite tera ra ll “I do n’ t re me mb er.
I th in k h e just lay th ere w ait in g. I rem em ber be r he w as real ly em barrasse d.”
DESIRE JOONDAL OONDALUP UP ,W A Aw es om e. Tell a ho rn n e v e r e a r c l o t h e s . story.
e de thattrailer rock”
6 5
BESTOF2016 BESTOF 2016
H o m e G ir ir l s
N
IC
“ I h a v i n g o u b lfi lfi n d i n g g u y h od o e s n ’ t i
“I fou n d
g e t a t a c h e d
m yse ysel lfin a
2 3y 3y e a ro l
e ,c o mp l a i n s y u , wh o c l e a r
b e eh a n g i n go u t w
h ot ot, ,stea eam m y
e n d so f e n d s h o , a f e r
e d i a t e l
h e
o n g
y p eo f b l o k e s . “ l I a n t i
show er or orgy” gy”
h o o c c a s i o n a l
n t
h a v e s
h o u t d an an g
You ve turned the table tables s on us now, Miyu. M iyu. Wher Wh ere e are you meet meeting ing these these clingy LOV LO V E BIRDS? o s t o f t h e
h a v es e x ,h i n kh kh a te ’d a t n g b u t I
k e , ‘ Th a tn o t h o w
o r k s , b u d d y’ Why
don t you try heading down the boozer on a Saturday night? You ll have no trouble finding a bloke that ll never wann wanna a see see you again. “ We l , I d o n ’ t wa n t t h a t x a c t y . I wa n t a g u yI c a nh a v e g r e a t , p a s s o n a ts ts e s t r e s p e c
b u t
e .
“I w an ant ta guy g uy to ha h ave gr g reat, p ass assi ion ate
. 1
sex se x w ith”
C H L O E R O S E CAIRN CAIR NS
“ I
L D
n u d i s t a t h e a r s a y s
2 2y e a r o ls ls tp p e r Ch l o e o s e , h o o b v i o u s l n a t u r a l b o r n
h o we r og y . Ae r aa aa b u l o u s n i g h tt w o r n d
o o
n y
s h o t s , m g i e n da n dd e c i d e d
Ho me me . “ Wh a n o t to v e a b o u t
h a v
p o s i n gn u d e ? ” Erm... we give up!
a lc o l e a g u e u s t h a v e h e a r
“ I l o v eb e i n gn a k e d , o t h e r p e o p l
u s , b e c a u sn sn e x t t h i n gy o uk n o w
o v
b e n gn a k e d . Ev ey o n e
s .What champion things
does your beaut body like to get up to STARKERS? O I f o u n d y s e l f i h o t , s e a
h o we r t o g e t h e r . S o m
h e yo yo i n e du s . W a l l g o t o u b l e o v e rh a H ad you you done any GROUP GROU P ROOTI ROO TING NG before fore? “ No No , b u t i s t n o w
c k eo eo f f m b u c k e
She shoots, she scores!
. . 1
We didn’t didn’t make it to the bed”
1 9 .
Ipike up thi onc ta ndha Was it
ƒLICE
TOOWOO OOMBA BA
Oh, a rude one eh! s a y s2 1y e a ro l c e .
Tell us about some of your outrageously immodest antics then. “ M b e s t fe fe n da n d
k e d b e d .
BESTOF2016 BESTOF 2016 ST S T OR M N E WC
T E N
I m a high hi gh school scho ol teacher, teacher, and I m very v ery passionate passio nate about abo ut the th e job,”says 2 -yea -y ear-old r-old Julie. You r st u den de n ts w il l b e pa ssi on at e abou t your job job when th ey see th ese phot os. N o, I just resigned from the school to get more holidays.” holidays.” W h o ge ts m or e ! D o es es n behind
the scenes at school? was I fl irting irting with one one of of the p rents from my school school and and ever y time I met him, I put my sexy clothe clothes s on when when fi nally w e went went dating. O ne day he took me to the corner corner of the school school w en I fi nishe nished d late and and we made out out for an hour in the bathroo m before the cleaner came.”
“Th e y’re 10 10G Gs and an d th ey bounce”
. 0 2 “W e m ad e ou tfor an h ou r in th e bathr hroom oom ”
SOP S OP D E
I E D E
A s you may may have have gue guessed 24-year 24-year-old Sophie is pretty pretty fond of some in-car in- car rooting action. It is i s hot and intense and it is easy easy to get caught. I love lov e it; I can get on top and bounce away!”Speaking of thin gs that bounce, you you
probably don’t n eed air bags in th e car with with th ose norks of you rs. H a! I am very padded up front front – 10G s. A nd the theyy do bounce.” W ha t else do t h ey like? G etting grabbed, rubbed and sucke sucked. d. A little biting biting is hot, too.”
1.
er
A IB IB R EA K S Je w is h b l o k e Al f r e d W e t z l e r e s c a p e d f ro r o m t h e i n fa f a m o us u s A u s ch c h wi w i t z d e at at h c am a m p d u ri r i n g t h e H o lo l o ca c a us u s t .A .A l f h id i d f or or f ou o u r n ig ig ht h t s i n si s i d e a p ilil e b e fo fo re r e h e s nu n u ck c k o ff f f a nd nd f ed e d v a lu l u ab a b le l e i n fo f o a bo b o ut u t t h e N a z is is t o t he h e a lll l ie ie s .
W h il e B r e n d a n Ab b o t t w a s o n t h e run after scooting from Fremantle P r is o n in 198 9, h e s e n t p ic s o f himself to the cops from all around Oz.Hence h i s n ic ic k n a m e , t h e P o s t c a r d B a n d i t .
Af t e r b e in g a r r e s t e d a n d t h r o w n in a n In d i an an a ja i l i n 1 93 93 4 , Jo h n D i l l i n g e r , k n o wn w n a s ‘p u b lil i c e n e m y n u m b e r o ne n e ’,’ , c ra r a f te t e d a f ak ak e g un u n o u t o f a p o ta t a t o a n d b l u f fe f e d h is is w a y o u t .S e e , ve g ie s a r e g o o d f o r s o m e t h i n g .
F r a n k M o r r is a n d b r o t h e r s Fr C l a r e n c e a n d Jo h n An g l in d u g through the ir cell walls to escape from San Francisco ’s Alcatraz Priso n in 196 1962. 2. Th e y c r a w l e d o u t t h r o u g h a v e n t , t o o k o f f o n a r a f t m a d e o f r a in in c o a t s .. ...t h e n D R O W N E D .
In 199 6, G e o r g e S a vva s c h u c k e d o n a f ak a k e b e ar ar d a nd n d w ig ig a nd n d s t ro r o ll l l ed ed o ut u t t h e f ro r o nt n t d oo o o r o f G ou o u lb l b ou o u rn rn P r is o n .D id n ’t l a s t l o n g , t h o u g h .G e o r g e w a s b u s t e d e ig h t m o n t h s l a t e r d in in g w it h a c o u p l a S TU TU N N A S a nd n d a p oc o c k et e t f ul u l o f c oc o c ai ain e .
South Korean fella Choi Gap-Bok e s c a p e d f r o m t h e h o l d in in g c e l l s at the cop station in the city of D a e g u in 201 2 b y g r e a s in g u p h is b o d y an an d s l i t h e r i n g t h r o u g h t h e 1 5c 5c m b y 45 45 c m f o o d slot in the bottom of the cell door.
NEXT YEAR WE RE GOING TO FIJI FOR OUR HOLS
I n 1 9 9 9 , l i b r a r ia n L u c y D u D u d k o h ij a c k e d a h e l i c o p t e r t o rescue her m a n , J , J o h n K i K i l l i c k , f , f r o m S y d n e y ’ ’ s S i l v e r w a t e r P r P r i s o n . Af A f tt e r p u l l in g a g a s h o t t y o y o n t h e p i l o t , , s h e f o f o r c e d h im t o l a n d n t h e a n e x e x e r c i s e y a r d w h e r e J o h n w a s w a i t i n g . T h e p a i r s p e n t 4 5 d 5 d a y s o n t h e r u n .
F r e n c h d u d e P a s c a l P a ye t Fr esc aped from jails in Lu ynes (20 2001) 01)and Gr ass e (200 7) u s in g t h e s a m e m e t h o d b o t h t i m e s – h a vi vi n g a m a t e fl y a c h o p p e r o nt n t o t h e p ri r i s o n r oo o o f. f. P o m m y c r im Al f r e d ‘Al fie ’ H in d s b u s t e d o u t three t imes during his 12 year stret ch – from N ottingham prison (twice ) and from the cells at court.
