Weapons of Mass Attracion, A Proven Potent Process for Seducing Women © 2007 – T’s Education – All Rights Reserved – Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Each copy of this book once distributed sends your IP address to the Ask T Copyright database. Every time this specific file is opened on any computer other than the first to use this file an investigation will begin into copyright fraud. No part of this book shall be copied, distributed or transmitted via electronic or mechanical means, photocopied or otherwise reproduced without written permission from the publisher. Although every care has been taken in the production of this book, the publisher and the author assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Neither is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein. By purchasing this book, you agree to the following: You understand that the information contained in this book is an opinion, and it should be used for personal entertainment purposes only. You are responsible for your own behavior, and none of this book is to be considered legal, personal or psychological advice.
First Published July 2007 Author - T Publisher - T’s Education Editor - Michael Brown Designer - Dan Segal
Dedicated to the man you are going to become
Contributions Mehow www.mehow.tv Pickup 101 (Lance Mason, Daniel Johnson) - www.pickup101.com Mystery – www.mysterymethod.com Juggler – www.charismaarts.com The Approach - Vincent DiCarlo (Woodhaven) www.the-approach.net Kris Karp (aka Bee Sting) Credit is given to the seduction community as a whole for industry standard techniques.
contents The Introvert The Start
How to learn The Seduction Community’s basics Pseudonyms & nicknames Become willing to push your comfort level Leave them better than you found them Women testing men’s frames Shit tests Mindsets Visualization & positive reinforcement exercises The Ven Visualisation Self-defeating mentality Alpha is not enough: be un-reactive
Attraction
Being counterintuitive Training yourself to be counterintuitive How to be playful Indifference: the hot/cold approach Push/pull T’s Takeaways Fence Sitters Mixed Replies Congruence Being exclusive & in high demand Emotional association Disqualifiers Being Interesting Social Proof Sleep
Approach Anxiety & Rejection
“Mental Hardwires” & “Evolutionary” theory Rejection anxiety Approach anxiety Actually getting out there Shyness The first 3 minutes The “Guinea Pig” theory The “4 Year Old Girl” theory The “Cameron Diaz” theory The “Best Friend” theory Approach instantly Let me solve all your approach fears Excuses & assumptions Transition into “Natural Game”
Opening
How to hold yourself when you approach: Lean back Familiarise yourself with your surroundings Getting their attention Types of indirect openers T’s “3 Hit Hybrid” opener The 4th hit Situational openers Opening seated sets Forward merging General tips Conersational skills Conversations: how to keep them fluent & interesting Grabs Fluency Dendros theory Dendros “Networking” theory Disagreeing with them to demonstrate value Disagree to keep it interesting How to talk to a group Sexual innuendo Items of interest during set (gambits) The truth game Peacocking Linking peacocking to your story The role play process Making social norms obvious Anti-norms “The Cube” & “Cold Reading” The 7 powers of “The Cube”
Truism mastery The handshake Spinning the target Establishing social status with aid of a wing The “Post-it Note” game The photo neg
Isolating
Isolating methods
Obstacles & In-Set Issues
Negs T’s Neg List Managin the competition Perfecting your “what the fuck?” look Using sarcasm to diffuse tension Using body language to alienate an obstacle Getting rid of the group & keeping the target Getting people to act how you want them to, using frames Using sexual frames Reversing frames to oust obstacles The “Reframe” Diffusing AMOG negativity Using sarcasm The “Fantation” The “Anti-Role Play”
Rapport & Escalating
Communicating your interest in the target “Bedroom Eyes” Letting them know that You mean business: Communicating IOI’s Telling a good story Steps of compliance “Kino” (touching) Where to touch Ven’s Touching technique Her body language & what it says Playing it safe Kissing: Making the move
Phone Numbers & First Dates
Getting their number Getting the date with minimal rejection: the 1st call Nicknames The 2nd call: Telling her rather than asking her The “Anti-Flake” messaging system
Flake recovery Last minute resistance
The Final Process Miscellaneous
Mainainging a successful relationship & your personal growth The mindfuck Breakup recovery Locus of control The “Reconext” The “Friend’s Zone” Energy The ultimate false time constraint The “Backpacker” theory The “3 kiss depature” Too nervous to practice in the real world? Have you received an anonymous text message? Dont recognise their voice & want to avoid upsetting them? Go to a gay bar
{the introvert}
“…and then there was Jonathan”
Saturday Night (Sydney, Australia) 9:30pm Frozen in this toilet cubicle Jonathan sits motionless, waiting for them to leave. Paralyzed from fear, this urine scented safe house starts to feel more like home. Anything to avoid the party let alone his “friend” Simon outside. “Oh man she was so hot, she made it too easy for me” Simon said as he entered the bathroom. His friend Tom replied enthusiastically “She was yours from the beginning, you’re doing well tonight. Where’s that weirdo you came with? I thought I saw him come in here.” Jonathan peers through the slot of the cubicle door only to see Simon shrug his shoulders in dismay as to where his tag-along has run off to. “For all I know he’s in here, Tom!” Simon replies. Jonathan’s pulse races, they know he’s there. He starts to review the night’s events in slow motion. Why did he ever agree to coming to this party? He barely knew Simon but decided to go anyway and this is the reward he gets for trying to push himself to be social. High expectations only lead to greater disappointment. Sitting in the men’s room angry at himself for even trying, the only thing he wanted was that sinking feeling deep in his stomach and the tightness across his chest to subside, even a little. It has been years since he had a woman, years since a date and by the looks of things, a lifetime of introversion. No one likes to settle for second best and tonight was a significant slap on the wrist teaching him an important lesson. Some people are made for socializing and others are meant to stay home.
Sunday Morning: 3am The security guard hollered through the cubicle’s plywood doors “Hey buddy we’re closing up, you’re going to have to finish up in there and make your way out”. “Oh, so the night’s over and everyone’s left?” Jonathan asked trying to appear surprised and subtly find out whether he’d have to face the nightclub’s patrons again. His stilted voice undermined the confidence he was attempting to exude, the security guard noticed and told him he can go out the back way if he wished. Jonathan graciously accepted and sauntered down to the nearest bus stop to wait for the 325 route back to his parent’s house.
That was the longest bus ride of his life. Born in Sydney, Australia, Jonathan, a young man in his early twenties decided that night never to place himself in any form of social context unless it was absolutely necessary. He made a resolution to stop attending classes for his Business and Law degrees and learn purely via correspondence, the mere sight of people talking to each other at university made his chest tighten with anxiety. It was not always like this. During his teens he was one of the first and more successful ladies men in his school despite being only five foot six, hairy and prematurely balding. His reputation preceded him as a natural with women and he enjoyed unmitigated success. As he neared the end of his school days his future aspirations of being a lawyer saw Jonathan remove himself from the social scene as he studied relentlessly to gain entry into both Business and Law. He graduated, gained entrance to the degree of his choice and decided it’s time for him to celebrate after a year of isolation. Jonathan’s close friends had gone overseas so he decided to call Simon, a friend of a friend, and ask him if he wanted to join him on his first ever nightclub experience. It was not what Jonathan expected. It was very different to school parties he used to go to with his friends. It was the night 54 rejections and hours of ridicule made him realize that his past successes were never to be recreated again. He decided to move on with his life and accept his new place within society.
Two Years Later 4pm It was a hard day at work. The 5am start working as a laborer in a smallgoods factory ended with Jonathan’s car not starting. Smelling like a smoked ham, he boarding the bus home and fell into a conversation with a large red-headed man called Sidney. A young guy in his mid-thirties, large enough to occupy two regular bus seats. Covered in freckles from head to toe his blue shirt complimented a classy black leather belt that, for some reason, was sitting on the outer rim of his jeans and not threaded through the loops. Next to him was his girlfriend Stephania; a six foot four brunette dancer with light-grey eyes. They were deep in conversation until the bus reached Central Station and she left telling him she’d call after work. How could a man that looks like this be courting a woman like that? It was impossible. Jonathan was adamant she was one of those mail-order brides
he kept hearing about. His curiosity got the best of him and Jonathan approached his first stranger in years asking him how he did it. “My good looks!” Sidney replied, laughing hard. Jonathan didn’t know what to say, he sat there speechless and awkward. It would be rude to move seats so instead he starting looking intently at the advertisement for panty-liners on the bus seat as if it was something he was genuinely considering trying. “I’m a pickup artist”, Sidney said. “You paint?” Jonathan inquired. “Not quite, I pick up women for a living”, Sidney replied. “Where do you drop them?” Jonathan said. Sidney bit his lip, half frustrated half humored, “I teach men to socialize effectively and efficiently. Basically improving the quality of their lives even if they look like me”. Jonathan found it hard to suspend his disbelief that such a man could be telling the truth and even that such a concept existed. He thought he would dig deeper into this man’s line of work: “I charge $3,200 for a weekend workshop” Sidney revealed. Suddenly that sinking feeling re-entered Jonathan’s stomach, the same from the nightclub two years ago. “I can’t really afford that on my wage…is it possible to pay you in ham and beef products or paintings? I’m an artist as a hobby.” Sidney agreed to both and five paintings and three Christmas hams later Jonathan was on his way to becoming T, a man who will later be known as one of the most infamous seducers in the city, working for a variety of pickup companies as a dating coach known for turning men like himself into some of the most impressive pickup artists in the world. He became part of an underground society of socially inexperienced men looking to improve their success with women. A society later to be exposed in the New York Times Bestseller The Game by Neil Strauss. Attending a multitude of dating workshops, reading hundreds of books and initiating thousands of interactions with new women has seen T become a dating authority for men all over the world. T has learnt, applied and even taught nearly every pickup method or social process he came across, and learnt the hard way that only 95% of what he learnt could be applied effectively and with consistent results each time. Though these techniques were rigid, they were either vague or only applicable to one context or to one personality type. Spending years studying every piece of information he could get his hands on T unearthed the psychological foundations behind every successful technique and began developing their principles into a process that can be applied to anyone in any situation. Sidney and T became close friends and T began to look outside the seduction community for inspiration and began interviewing thousands of natural ladies’ men about their interactions.
T: So what did you first say to her? Natural: I don’t know, I just said whatever came to me, something about her dress. T: But how did she get attracted to you? Natural: You just need to be more confident, women love confidence T: But how do I get “more confident” Natural: just feel it within you T: But how? The script never changed and never helped. The few people who were able to provide advice to T gave him vague and intangible answers he found hard to apply: “Just be more confident”, “Try to be funnier” and “Just be you” were answers that didn’t cure anything. He needed specific steps. Years of trial and error, practice and study saw the birth of the T Method. A dynamic and devastatingly effective process that provides concrete processes for being more confident” or “being interesting”. these vague terms have been quantified into a science that consistently delivers positive results with women and destroys other male competition in an ethical and gentlemanly fashion every time. The T Method is all about helping people evolve and aims to make you understand, rather than just learn, the underlying foundations behind every seduction theory. Once you understand this, you can become dynamic in any situation. Already many of T’s students have bedded, dated and even married some of the most glamorous and sought after people around. He now spends his time teaching people the arts of social engineering and is constantly improving people’s social abilities in facets of their social and business lives.
{the start}
“We cant solve problems using the same kind of thinking we used to create them..” Albert Einstein
How to Learn This book is not meant to be placed in the wrong hands. The methods outlined are highly potent and work with devastating effectiveness. For these reasons they are not to be used if you feel you have intentions other than seducing someone. Our mission is simple: follow T’s techniques correctly and your success with women will increase exponentially. All the tactics in this book have been proven by a variety of different men, of different demographics and on a range of beautiful women. In this book we cut through to the core issues, give you examples of how to apply them, tips from other professionals and a female opinion on the methods provided. After reading thousands of techniques, books and doing a myriad of seminars and workshops I have strived to make this book (in both structure and content) what every other seduction theory is lacking in substance or structure. You’ll read in books and hear in seminars advice like “be more playful” or “just tell a more interesting story” and they will call this seduction advice whilst you are left sitting thinking “But how?” This is where I come in. I will give you straight answers without superfluous page-filling junk and provide examples along the way to really make sure you get the most out of this book and ultimately the most out of your mattress. Every pickup artist (PUA) takes the best bits from each method they learn and combine them into a process that they feel comfortable with. This book consists predominantly of my own theories and techniques, which are either original ideas or previously established tactics that I have tweaked to make more effective. Throughout my studies and practice I have come across some techniques developed by other successful pickup artists whom I feel are too important to leave out. I know all the answers but I did not invent them. Out of fairness to you I have included content other than my own to give you a better understanding of what you need to learn and provide you with a variety of alternatives. If you do not feel comfortable with any tactic mentioned then pick an alternative provided. To save you the effort of learning other theories (although this is still recommended) I have included and expanded upon some key tactics from the world’s greatest pickup artists, improved some and in addition provided you with my own expertise so you can pick and choose what suits you. This way you can get the benefit of a workshop condensed into an e-book tailored to fit you. All the examples I have provided you with have been tried and proven at
a minimum of 100 times each. A lot of what you will read here is considered ‘outer game’: tips, tricks and formulaic methods for seduction. You will find that you will come to rely on these less and less as they are only training wheels to improve your ‘inner game’: your sense of self and general constitution. A good inner game will always trump any lines you learn however your outer game tactics are essential in helping develop your inner pickup artist (PUA). As with any success that you will have in life there are certain downfalls that come with something that is too good or too beneficial. As stated above, memorizing too much canned material and then relying on it as opposed to using it as a leg up will undoubtedly lead you into perpetual self-doubt. Even though the tactics provided to you have immense psychological value you will soon realize that being able to use the T Method effectively will see you acknowledging that you have always had the right material within yourself to pull off these seductions but that your application was flawed. The issue is not necessarily your looks or inherent personality rather how your personality has been and can be communicated to place you in the best possible light. Now let us get down to business. I would like to welcome you to the now not-so-underground society of pick-up science. An international community present in over 147 countries all using a variety of different schools of thought and all made up of men who built themselves up from being lifelong virgins to some of the most powerful seducers in the world. These pick-up artists (PUAs) refer to the process of reducing seduction down to a science know as “The Game”. In no way is this to infer that our primary intention is to play with people or their hearts, rather calling this process “The Game” is an analogy that helps us detract from the importance men place upon bedding or winning over women. Just like a computer game it should be fun, entertaining and should you fail once you can always play again right from where you picked off without having lost anything. The harder the challenges you give yourself and the more often you expose yourself to them the quicker you will learn. Some guys are scared of approaching women, one man can go out 4 nights a week and speak to 20 different girls a night and within a month he will be a player. Another guy might make an approach once a week, he may take a year or more to get where he wants to go. Going out and practicing to this extent is near to impossible if you do not have a buddy who is also learning and can accompany you on your escapades. A lot of people avoid finding a wing-man or going out to
practice as they feel if they give this a real shot and fail at it they will really be in dire straights. For most this is the last step; professional guidance on how to pickup women. It can appear demoralizing and risky that if a professional cannot help then the realization of eternal loneliness and social ineptitude will set in. This is a very real fear however I personally guarantee you that if you practice any one of the techniques in this book at least twice you will see a positive change in how you relate to people socially and at work. To help with your learning, my girlfriend Soe has offered to go through this book and add a female perspective to some of the areas I have touched upon. She is currently studying law, is one of Sydney’s premier pole dancers and has worked for a variety of pickup companies including my own. I feel that she can provide some interesting viewpoints as she has not only been subjected to my own game but also other PUA’s and their methods that she has met over the past year.
The Seduction Community’s Basics All pick up artists (PUAs) go by an alternate name. PUAs worldwide congregate on lairs: online forums allocated by city1. Keeping your real identity hidden gives you the power to say what you think and publicly discuss your seduction issues without having to fear that people will know who you really are. Secondly, for reasons of ego, PUAs may find it hard to transform themselves into a better seducer when they are holding on to their old traits and image. A new nickname can be seen as symbolic of their new identity. The ability to start afresh is a powerful thing; calling yourself by your normal name will make it harder to shed the negative qualities you feel you might have. Start by making a list of the five men you most admire, concentrate on what makes them attractive and what qualities they posses that you would like your new self to emulate. Give yourself a new name that you are comfortable using both in the field (out in reality) and in the virtual world (internet forums) then create your own, new, fresh identity. Here are some common terms you will come across that are used in everyday conversation between pickup artists: PUA: Acronym for pickup artist The field: The real world. A term used to differentiate between talking online and reality Set: An alternate term for an interaction e.g. Going into set or having a good set
AMOG: Alpha Male of the Group is the man who is the leader and is your biggest threat.
Peacocked: To draw attention to yourself through the use of brightly coloured or visually interesting objects, like a male peacock does with its tail feathers. Kino: To touch Target: The woman who the PUA aims to seduce Frame: Your frame of mind
Become Willing to Push Your Comfort Level The more you expose yourself to situations that make you anxious or awkward the more you will become complacent with your fears. Your first few weeks as a pickup artist will see you develop in the same way a stockbroker does on his first day in the stock exchange. I’ll use my friend Steve the stockbroker as an example. Everything was happening so quickly, he had a very faint idea as to what is going on around him and by the time he realized what happened five minutes ago twenty new events have occurred. He could not afford to freeze or freak out; sure he was nervous but if he leaves the floor or cracks under pressure he will lose millions of dollars. He recognized that he was anxious but knew that he had to manage his fear in order to get the results he needed. After a few weeks in this high-pressure environment he was more familiar as to what the standard procedures were and even though it was highly stressful he powered through the day regardless, and soon stress changed into excitement. The only times you will improve is by gradually pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. If you walk into a bar for the first time and are too scared to initiate a conversation (referred to as ‘opening’) with an attractive stranger then try an easier task. Open someone you are not attracted to and are less nervous around. The aim is to keep breaking down your growth and learning into manageable bits. Once you feel that you are bored or competent with talking to women you are mildly attracted to then take it up a notch and approach groups of those types of women with men around them. In Arnold Schwarzenegger’s movie “Pumping Iron” he talks about how his goal for the day is to bench press a weight 30 times consecutively. When he hits number 30, his arms feel like jelly and his body feels like it is going to
explode but he will try for another one or two lifts. He realizes that it is really only the last one or two additional lifts that builds muscle regardless of how painful it may feel. He knows that the next time he does this exercise he will be considerably better at it because he pushed himself to his limit the time before. Whenever you are out in the field and want to quit, open one more sets before you go and never go out alone at the beginning. Take a buddy for moral support and to help you pick up on (and pick you up after) your pitfalls.
Leave them better than you found them It is very easy to turn arrogant once you get a taste of success. It will always come back to bite you. Be nice to people on your way up otherwise you will be saying hello to them again on the way back down. Always remember that being arrogant comes from insecurity. Good PUAs can be arrogant but the best are genuinely nice guys who do not get walked over. They treat you how you treat them and try to improve women’s lives rather than play with them. You need to figure out what is important to the women you approach and paint a picture for them of what it will be like once they reach that goal. Make them feel good and push them to do things they ordinarily would think they are incapable of. That is as touchy-feely as I am going to get, just always try to keep the man you aim to be in focus.
Women Testing Men’s Frames Women instinctively search out particular qualities in a man. They do not even know they are constantly screening men for value; it is automatic and purely instinctive. a man’s strength of frame is an attractive quality; how he holds himself and retains mental control and stability in an intimidating situation. If you lack composure, are weak in character or are not much of a leader then she will not be attracted to you. Women test men’s character in a variety of different ways: • Showing up to dates late • Expecting men to pay “all the time” • Having tantrums or reacting to ‘little’ things that annoy them • Not returning calls or text messages • Hinting that men have no sexual chances with them
Women do this because in a matter of minutes they find out what kind of guy you are and whether you are a man with a strong frame of mind. This in turn saves them time and sorts the boys from the men. A beautiful woman can get 10 approaches a day even if she does not realize she is being hit on. She does not have the time to spend a few hours with each man and get to know whether he is a good guy or not; she goes with her gut feeling and moves on. It is the same feeling that would stir within you if I were to place you in a car dealership and tell you that you can have any one car but make your decision within 10 minutes. You would rush around quickly sitting in some, merely just looking at others and you would go with your gut and finally make a decision. This is the process some women go through their whole lives; you need to differentiate yourself as soon a possible and in a strong way. Think about it for a second… The average attractive woman will get approached 8-10 times a day, if they took the time out to exchange details and date every guy that approached her she would not have time for anything else. By ‘testing” your strength of frame she saves time and takes a shortcut to finding out in a short matter of a few minutes whether you are a Chuck Norris or a penguin. Don’t be a penguin. Just realize that you choose to give her power because you choose to be attracted to her. Try not to advert to the thing that gives her power. If people realize they are the holders of power in the interaction often they are more likely to take advantage of this, for example getting drinks off you or by leading you on. This is the same in any context where there is an element of power. Take work for instance; people act considerably differently around their bosses because both they and the boss knows how that specific power dynamic operates. The boss will know just how far he can push his employee before the employee realizes that they are being taken unfair advantage of. Many women, for instance, are subjected to their bosses being sexually inappropriate in the workplace yet fail to make a complaint as they are scared they will lose their jobs. The bosses in these workplaces often know of this fear and realize it makes the employees vulnerable and take advantage where they should not. The same principle applies to seduction and social interactions. If someone knows you like them and they do not have an interest in you they may try to use you for their own personal gain and up unto the extent that they think you will allow. Walking up to a woman in a bar and telling her she is “The hottest girl in the club” and then offering to buy her a drink
then wondering why she leaves once the cocktail’s been finished is no big mystery. The moment she realized the man likes her and she is not interested in him she will still want to put him to good use. She knows that men who have been attracted to her in the past will do things a stranger would not usually do.
Shit tests Shit tests are one of the main ways women test men’s frames of mind. They are the most effective, efficient and common ways to determine whether you are man enough for them. As a general rule the hotter the woman, the harder her shit tests. Better looking women will get approached more, develop higher standards and have more gall when it comes to finding the diamonds in the rough. This is their way of seeing whether you are man enough to be with them. Shit tests come in all shapes and sizes. Ultimately they are designed to throw you off course and can be a series of abrupt questions, comments or anything to test how far they can push you. The more easily manipulated, shocked, offended or nervous you appear to be, the less value you have. The goal is to differentiate yourself from other men who have failed these before you. “Can’t you see we’re talking here?” “Do I know you?” “Whatever!” “Can you get me a drink?” All of the above are forms of shit tests. There is a serious double standard when you compare what women can say and get away with when compared to what men can say to a woman. You can identify a shit test by asking yourself “If I was to say to her what she just asked me, would I expect her to get offended?” One essential key to passing the shit test is not so much to say something witty but to be counter intuitive and demonstrate both verbally and through your body language that you are not phased. Words can be faked, even some body language can be faked and a female’s evolutionary instincts are trained to weed out the legitimate candidates from the fraudsters. You need to show you are totally unaffected. A shit test, in its essence, is a compliance test. Women put out a hoop and the men who jump through it will be considered of a lesser value to the men who do not. The best way to pass these “shit-tests” is for the man to make the woman feel as if she has earned his compliance rather than him giving it over freely because he is attracted to her. There is no doubt that women who come up to men in bars and outright ask for a drink before having earned it will respect compliant men less than men who make
them earn their reward. This is the same psychological premise that you see in spoilt children when compared with kids from poorer families. Spoilt children will never appreciate the ten gifts they get for their birthdays as much as poorer children appreciate the one gift they may receive. Men often give goodlooking women rewards before they have earned them because men feel that the females’ appearances automatically dictate how much respect she will be given. Even though women’s shit tests usually ask for something, the wrong answer (ironically) would be to give them what they asked for. My girlfriend and I were discussing how she would tell the boys at school to throw something in the bin for her because she could not be bothered to get up and she knew that because of her looks / popularity that they would be compliant. When I asked her how she felt towards the people who rejected her request she replied that they are now her closest friends, they treated her like everyone else instead of putting her on a pedestal. This may seem odd considering these women set themselves up to be put on a pedestal however the men who succumb to these shit tests or do not handle them correctly will always be perceived as weak. A shit test sorts the boys from the men; A woman wants to know who is man enough to treat her normally despite being attracted to her. Often it can be difficult to determine whether the woman’s request is legitimate or a shit test. Refusing to do something like pass her the handbag might seem like a rude response to a question that may or may not have shit test connotations. In these situations the best way to handle shit tests is through using sarcasm or playfully making her earn it. Her: pass me my handbag over there You : mmm…tell me a funny joke and then you’ll get your handbag Her: what? You: tell me a funny joke first and I’ll give you your handbag Her: *tells joke* You: sorry, not funny enough, I’ll be keeping the bag now; it goes well with my outfit too! *pass her the bag regardless of what you said*
Losing control of the situation, acting hostile or getting offended by a shit test will automatically see you blown out of
the interaction. Furthermore complying with the shit test will have a like effect, so what is the right answer? You saw above how you can comply with their shit test by making them earn your response but humour is also a highly effective way to come out on top. You: hey guys Her: can’t you see that I’m trying to have a conversation here? You: that’s funny, so am I Humour will always diffuse a hostile or awkward situation. Even if your retort is not that funny it is still considerably better than a hostile response. Soe’s Tip: Regarding the handbag, it is very important to still give it to her. Being playful is beneficial but more than 2 jokes in a row will seem annoying or childish. We want playful men and we are over teenage boys.
Mindsets Visualization is a powerful technique for becoming better at a task without actually having to complete it. Our mind and body can react to simple thoughts and fantasies in much the same way as it responds to actual events. Many psychologists and biochemists believe the nervous system cannot tell the difference between real or perceived threats, you produce the same chemical reactions in your brain when you dream or visualize as you do in reality. Fact: Two surgeons, Terry Orlick & Judy McDonald, would vividly imagine themselves cutting through fat and muscles in order to be more prepared for an upcoming operation. They would imagine certain setbacks and how they would regain composure and overcome them which overall dramatically improved their success rates when put in the real situation. Using this powerful technique and the exercises below can help you prepare for any social situation.
Exercise:
The more real your visualizations the greater the benefit of the exercises. Visualize these in detail and ask yourself what do you see, hear, smell and feel. women will be receptive and enjoy your companyvisualize approaching a group of people and everybody liking you visualize yourself talking to a woman who has a positive and interested response visualize a date going well.
Now… visualize yourself failing, then stopping (imagine the nervousness that will come with this) and recovering. visualize other nervous situations you have experienced and use it to become familiar with this sensation. It is a fact that your body reacts the same way when you are legitimately nervous as when you are visualizing a nervous scenario. With enough exposure to fear and nervousness you will gain a better understanding of these emotions and eventually become complacent with them. This principle is also why dreams feel so real and can affect your physical state.
Exercise:
Power Words are words that can be associated with the recovery of a specific awkward feeling or sensation. Also known as “cure” words they are anything that allows you to regain composure and focus. If you are fearful then use a ‘power’ word to detach and separate yourself from it. Breathe in and count to ten keeping your breath slow and deep while reciting your ‘power’ word. For example lets say you had an important business meeting coming up and you had to speak to over 300 people on the topic of circumventing the privity doctrine using equitable estoppels (of which you know nothing about, and if you do, please let me know). Fortunately, you pulled it off, you impressed the boss and received a raise, got the phone number of that girl from work you have been lusting after and the two of you head to the bar and purchase a nice celebratory champagne. In this example “Champagne” could be your power word of choice. Think it and say it aloud. While reciting this word think of the story and its events as a film in your mind. You will begin to associate the word champagne with success and excitement. Think of a fear inducing scenario like ‘public speaking’ being transformed into a successful event. Apply this to your own past situations and remember your cure words and the events themselves if you get nervous. You can overcome anything if you are prepared mentally. Imagining yourself regaining composure, feeling calm and in control and the feeling of success. Place yourself in situations where fear would arise on YOUR TERMS. There is not as much pressure if you are the one who instigates it.
Put yourself in a situation where you will be the centre of attention and be speaking to a large group of people. Approach new groups of people regularly throughout the day. Offer to hand some work in prior to its due date. Time yourself at home in doing a brain teaser or test. Our mind and body can react to simple thoughts and fantasies in much the same way as it responds to actual events. Many psychologists and biochemists believe the nervous system cannot tell the difference between real or perceived threats, you produce the same chemical reactions in your brain when you dream or visualize as you do in reality. Associate “cure” words to your 5 most common negative emotions. Place yourself in situations where these emotions would arise but stop to consciously remind yourself to manage them. Let us take the emotion of Humour and the situation of when you told a funny joke about skydivers and everybody laughed (with you, not at you). Choose the word “skydiver” and mentally re-play the situation in your head whilst making an active effort to feel the same emotions you did that day.
Exercise:
Recognize nervousness and recognize it is born from a certain fear you have within you. Lets say that fear is based on rejection. Your rejection is based on a certain past rejection in which you were upset because someone you were interested in did not reciprocate. Realize that you felt bad because she was gorgeous. Now realize that good looks are common and in nearly every nightclub there will be at least 20 good looking women. Once you feel an emotion, consciously work back in your mind as to what the core issue is. Solve the cause and you solve the problem. TIP: You might feel stupid or embarrassed whilst doing these exercises and that is normal. Although think of how stupid you feel when a woman in a club calls you a loser and tells you to leave her alone. Ultimately you can chose to feel like an idiot at home or in public. It’s important to understand that visualizations are a lot more beneficial than female rejection.
The Ven Visualization Tantric sex instructor and close friend, Ven helped me get past some serious approach anxiety and sincerity issues whilst we were doing a pickup workshop together a while back. The exercise was to stop 60 random women in the space of two hours and pay them a compliment not associated with sex. He was getting some of the most positive reactions from a myriad of gorgeous women yet for some reason when I delivered the same compliment e.g. “Excuse me that is the funkiest handbag I’ve seen all day” they looked at me like “Thanks but please don’t cut me into little bits”. Ven, having done some acting in his time began to teach me how to pay a compliment and make it sound sincere even when you mean none of it. Let us take the handbag example; one girl I approached had an ordinary handbag with nothing really interesting on it. I visualized her handbag as one that was bright green with feathers all over it and dripping with red paint and I delivered the line of “Excuse me that is the most stylish handbag I’ve seen all day”. She melted with appreciation yet every time I’d done it before, women looked at me like I was a weirdo. I legitimately was not interested in her handbag, it was boring. But in my mind I thought to myself what it would be like if it was legitimately funky (green with feathers etc) and then I approached. Women can smell insincerity; this is how to fake it when you need to. If you want to achieve something ranging from having a sincere smile to paying a good compliment or even feeling happy, what you have to do is simple. Picture a time when you actually felt that emotion and then go into the set. This is exact way actors, after the 20th take, can still deliver a line as legitimately as they did in the first take. If you feel your smile is received as weird or insincere then imagine how you would feel if your best friend just won $50 million in the lottery. Keep that image and that feeling with you when you either approach or if you want to make a good impression instantly. This form of visualization may weird you out; you might think it is some kind of new age hippy phenomenon that has no tangible qualities. I thought the same and I still would think that way if I had not tried it. The underlying premise is this: your facial expressions, body language and tonality are dictated by your brain depending on what subject matter is being processed by it. Some people have the issue that when they want to conjure up a feeling
and think back to a time when they had that feeling they do not fully feel its potency. This is because your visualization is not vivid enough. To help you get into it try to remember how things looked, felt, smelt and / or tasted to get you into the zone.
Self Defeating Mentality The human mind thinks of negative thoughts 70% of the time. The ways you can get around this are three fold: have success, have a mentality that says “it is always on”, and do not hesitate. Whenever you have any doubt in your mind as to whether a woman likes you or as to whether you can make a move (be it approaching or even sex) assume that when in doubt it is always on. We cannot help how our brain works but we can curb these thoughts by making the jump and pushing ourselves to make a move. You need to understand that you are the one she needs to earn.
Alpha is Not Enough: Be Un-reactive By Mehow
It has been said over and over again in the community that you should be alpha. That is important, of course, but at the same time, that same sense of urgent alphaness can lower your value. A person, PUA or otherwise, can get so caught up in being alpha that they become over-reactive to everything. Any disrespect thrown in his face becomes an immediate threat to his alphaness that must be neutralized. This can be seen in bullies, ghetto thugs, and beach surfer AMOGs [NB: AMOG = Alpha Male Of the Group] that get near violent when you tool them back. The bottom line is that you can be alpha, a leader and dominant, but if you’re reactive you’re still insecure as fuck, and it shows. You’ll get women, but you bet your ass they will be low quality women. What kind of woman wants a guy who can’t control himself? Think of a guy who feels his time at the top is so temporary that he must protect it by belittling or even threatening someone. Would you respect a female friend of yours dating a guy like that or would you think she had low self-esteem? So there are two types of Alphaness: Reactive Alpha and Un-reactive Alpha. Reactive Alpha is Tupac Shakur. Un-reactive Alpha is Brad Pitt. Sometimes a friend and I will be walking, often peacocked, and an AMOG will yell a slur at us to tease us. Now we have a couple of options. We can either confront them, yell an AMOG tease back, or just keep walking.
How do we decide? Here’s the ultimate formula for any pickup situation: What would Brad Pitt do? If Brad Pitt was walking down the street and someone yelled at him “’Mr. and Mrs. Smith’ sucked!” do you think he would even turn his head? Of course not! He made millions from that movie, what does he care? This goes also with dealing with women. Several PUAs I meet have a habit of “punishing” girls in field who aren’t interested, even if they try to end the conversation nicely. The girls will say they’re having a heart to heart conversation and ask him politely to leave. The guy will then stay and keep chatting them up, knowing full well that he has no chance. He badgers and harasses them. Would Brad Pitt do that? Think of what a guy would do who makes millions and can fuck a hottie any night of the week. Would he care about 2 girls not being interested? Would he care about a girl flaking? Would he care about a guy not liking his movie? Would he care if a girl called him ugly and told him to scram? Of course you could be a Reactive Alpha like Tupac and get into a fight with the AMOG, call the women bitches, get upset when a woman flakes, and still get laid, but only with women who don’t think they’re good enough for a guy who actually has his shit together like Brad Pitt. Also, keep in mind Tupac was so reactive it took him to his grave in his 20’s. Being un-reactive means you don’t get too excited about small successes and you don’t get too excited about small problems. A girl in field touching your arm, even kissing you at the bar, is just another day at the office. You don’t blush when she says you’re cute, and you don’t lean in and get all hands on when she starts kinoing you (contrast to ghetto guys outside the club that when a girl touches they rub their hands all over them and say ‘Dang girl u fine!’) A guy knocking your zebra cowboy hat off, a girl being rude, a girl turning her head at your kiss, is just another day at the office. 15 seconds after your hat is knocked off, you don’t even remember the guy. A rude girl is just that, a rude girl. By definition she’s someone who’s not worth your time anyway. She can only lower your value if you decide that a rude girl has say over how cool you are. Her having that kind of power is like letting a 10 year old choose a presidential cabinet member. If you truly have value, her words don’t change it. If her words affect how you feel about yourself, she didn’t lower your value because you never had it in the first place. When someone says something offensive, consider what’s really being said. I’m Jewish, and occasionally run into anti-Semitism. When someone
says “Jews are fucking assholes” to me, did that person just say something about ME, or did that person say something about HIM? As far as I’m concerned, someone saying that to me just walked up and said “I’m an ignorant fuck.” Would you be offended by someone walking up to you and said “I’m an idiot”? No, you’d probably feel sorry for them. When a girl at a bar tells you you’re ugly and to go away, she really said “I’m really socially retarded and don’t know how to get out of uncomfortable situations without being a bitch.” When an AMOG challenges you to fight, he’s really saying “I’m insecure, and if I don’t win this, I’m going to be upset the entire night.” Similarly, an AMOG yelled to me in my pimpsuit a while back, “You look fucking stupid! Who do you think you are!!??” and he was upset! What do you think he was saying about himself? When an AMOG is getting hostile, he’s saying “You hurt my feelings.” Seeing these things for what they are and not getting emotional is what un-reactivity is all about. What would Brad Pitt do?
The Pattern Interrupt We all have negative voices in our heads repeating certain ideas and perceptions we have about ourselves over and over. Each time an emotion is created from these thoughts our brain sends an electrical signal from one part to another. Too many repetitions of one negative emotion can see this connection forming a solid path in our thought processes and is quite difficult to avoid. Our thought processes can begin to be likened to a record on a turntable. The record has grooves and once you start the needle on the record it begins to follow the same path every time and same music will play verbatim again and again. A lot of the time this is the wrong song playing in your head. A man can stand in a night club all night in fear of approaching a woman at the bar. Every time he takes a step forward in her direction he feels inadequate because he feels he is not good looking enough to have her, he is not rich enough, he is not sexually experienced enough or he is not charismatic enough to think of what to say. These thoughts keep playing in his mind and every time they occur they just affirm what he already knows. He needs to stop the record playing, he needs to remix it, break this pattern and start a new thought process that plays in his mind.
To do this when these negative thoughts and emotions occur you need to distract yourself with something so obscure, so unexpected or even so funny that you totally forget about feeling inadequate. This act is called a pattern interrupt. From that act onwards you will be less likely to feel the original negative emotion to the same extent (if at all). How severe the pattern interrupt is will determine the extent to which you avoid the original emotion in the future. The aim is that next time you step into a situation in which you feel inadequate, your pattern interrupt and the emotions that it creates will replace the negative emotions you initially felt. For this reason it may be wise to get a friend to help you when you go out together. Throwing a glass of water on you is one example of something that will break the pattern however walking around with a wet crotch in a nightclub does not always work in your favour unless you want to get through the bar line quickly. A more tame example may be acting like a monkey for a few seconds. Flailing your arms up in the air, making a screeching noise will feel and look very odd but the mere stupidity and unexpectedness of it will help curb the more serious issue at hand. Often impersonating some ridiculous animal gets near to no attention from people in a loud nightclub. You will be amazed how little people notice and if they do they just think you are telling a joke or have taken some methamphetamines. Having a friend tell you what to do and come up with these pattern interrupts can help make them that much more unexpected. There are no rules or guidelines to creating them other than they need to be obscure enough to distract you from your original emotion.
Things Not to Say Words can be powerful things. Someone who has depression might be constantly saying to themselves that life is useless, not worth living. They will use these words in their everyday speech as well, and in doing so they convey negative emotions just by speaking and can also make other people around them depressed just through their choice of words. Someone who avoids social situations would tell themselves they are not the extroverted type and they can never compete with upbeat party people. They say this to themselves so convincingly that they do not even bother to go out and try. A Buddhist monk would continually free their minds of all these thoughts
through meditation and prayers affirming the beauty of life. In this instance I do not want you to dwell on your internal dialogue specifically but rather how the things you say to others can affect your own self-esteem and the way other people see you. Constantly apologizing is one of the things that can keep you stuck in a mindset where you feel subservient and have the need to appease everyone you encounter for the fear that they will either physically or emotionally hurt you. The problem is people now use the term “sorry” for many social interactions which do not warrant an apology. There are other words which work just as well without making you feel you need to be apologetic for your actions. In effect the goal is not so much for you to say sorry, excuse me or to apologize less when you are in the wrong but rather wait until someone has a legitimate grievance with you before you do. Spend a week not apologizing for normal everyday things such as moving past someone in a crowd, not having the right change for the newsagent or making a joke that was not exactly a crowd pleaser. Wait until people stop you and let you know there’s a problem, you will be pleasantly surprised at how often you do not need to say sorry. Saying sorry does not make you weak but saying sorry too frequently for trivial things and when you genuinely do not feel you need to apologize will make you feel week and be perceived as weak. Also keep in mind that the more you use apologies for every-day occurrences and when they genuinely are not needed you reduce their potency for when they are really needed. The idea of not saying sorry when you do not need to stems back to the idea that the whole reason behind this method of seduction is to disturb the norm; to differentiate yourself from what the average male does. The average male may tell a woman a joke that she does not find funny or says is stupid or offensive. He would apologize just on the off chance that he really did offend her even if he genuinely believes he was in the right. This can relate back to shit-tests, a lot of grievances people have are to get attention or create drama in their lives as it can give them something to do or complain about to their friends.
{attraction}
“A man can be short & dumpy & getting bald, but if he has fire, women will like him...” Mae West
Attraction Have you ever wondered why men who have nothing going for them can attract hot women? (And no, drink spiking is not the correct answer) Have you ever seen a beautiful woman with an average looking guy? He may have been bald, losing his hair, short, fat with a third arm growing out of his forehead and strangely enough he is still able to have a smoking little bunny as a girlfriend or FB (friend with benefits). This is because attraction is created in our minds by what society tells us is attractive. Take a look at any paintings done over 200 years ago. The women are, by contemporary standards, overweight, pasty and plain. No one now is attracted to that because society’s perceptions of what is attractive have changed. Ultimately “beauty” is a social construct which is subject to change. Regardless of your looks you can create attraction with the woman you are interested in (the target). Just as society tells us what is attractive we can concurrently reprogram women to see us as attractive, as attraction is purely mental. A smooth talker will always trump a boring model. Demonstrate that you are of a higher value than other men, make efforts to differentiate yourself and no matter what you look like you can change how you are perceived. In other words, women will choose you over any other man if they perceive you have something they do not. Value is something which is considered of high worth by another; it is subjective and differs from individual to individual. A valuable trait which is attractive to one person may not be as attractive to another; however there is a set of traits which are universally attractive to 98% of women worldwide. Strangely enough attraction is all about conveying the following traits subtly: • Confidence • Creativity • Dominance • Humor • Intelligence • Leadership • Social skills • Survival Instincts You can appear to have the trait by emulating someone who demonstrates it effectively. Acting does come into play and you will need to push yourself to say and act in ways you would not usually do. You will end up perfecting these traits depending on what you feel you can adapt to, and your increased success with women will affirm in your mind that you want these traits to become part of your personality. If you
appear dominant, people will perceive you as a dominant person and allow you to take charge and lead; the same is applicable with the rest of the traits. Your beliefs are contagious, if you think they will work then they will. I will help you work on convincing yourself of this further on as we will also discuss some tactics to help you manage low-confidence and anxiety. A more simplistic exercise is to observe people who possess some of the above traits and take note of how they act and interact with others. How do others treat him? Is he respected? Or charismatic? Most importantly can you see yourself possessing these traits even if it means making a conscious effort to improve? The aim of this book is to change you for the better. You need to be able to recognize that the traits that make up “you” are either not working when it comes to seduction or they are masked by emotions such as fear or other insecurities. Soe’s Tip: Being dominant in a group is attractive though a man must not lose track of the limits of this dominance when relating to the “target”. Taking initiative, and “telling”, rather than “asking” is dominant leader-like behavior which is a very attractive quality but he must not be pushy or bossy. If she says no to whatever he proposes, turn to another tactic and do not dwell on it or insist for too long.
The Four Pillars of Seduction In every seduction school of thought, in every good pickup artist and behind every love affair, four things always occur. • counter intuitiveness • playfulness • indifference • a metaphorical push and pull relationship These are the four pillars of seduction, the most essential traits of every successful interaction, and they are explained in greater detail below and throughout this book. All the theories in this book encompass at least one of these pillars and act purely as vehicles to aid you in demonstrating these traits. If you are one of the few people who have practiced to an extent that you can do these without pre-prescribed theories you will be able to seduce anyone in any social or commercial context.
Being Counterintuitive Ever had a night where you felt like the king, you could do anything with anyone and get away with it yet next weekend you were using the same lines on the same people but you got nowhere. What will always differentiate you from the average male is making a conscious effort to be counter intuitive during your interactions. The underlying premise is this: you need to differentiate yourself from every other man out there; you need to show that you are different to all the other average frustrated chumps (AFCs) who fawn over women. It helps to do this playfully so they are not fully sure as to whether you are serious or not. An example may be when you get a girl’s number. The average man would either say “thank you” or something along the lines of “I’ll call you tomorrow at eight, I’d really like to continue our conversation about Mexican food / going overseas / the effect of tariffs on Kazakhstan’s economy / etc”. She’s heard this before and now you are slowly moving towards being perceived as average. Alternatively you can choose to be counterintuitive and say something playful like “Thanks, I’ll give you a call when I’m drunk and lonely”. Lets take a second example and say a woman asks “Will you call me?” and you reply “Sure, what do you want me to call you?” as you walk off as opposed to “Sure, how’s Wednesday at seven?” Being witty does come into it however it is not essential, it just makes it easier to pull off. Once again be reminded that even though you can learn these lines word for word, you need to master the process and the mentality of being counter intuitive. Your aim is to be the exception rather than the norm. Instead of taking them on a date to coffee and the movies take them to the supermarket to do your shopping with you. If you can make a boring situation interesting you will put yourself light years beyond other men. Every other man will try to impress her by saying they are a doctor or a lawyer, even if this is true you will not catch her off-guard. Being counter intuitive can show you are spontaneous and comfortable within yourself. Even though I have studied business and law at university I still prefer to make a joke about how I make a living being a proof reader for sky-writers. Or if she says, “You’re such a nice guy” you could have the average reply of “No I’m not that great but thanks” or you can say “I’m actually a serial killer, but thanks for assuming I’m good value”. See where I’m coming from here? Soe’s Tip: No way! No supermarket shopping… that is shocking. A guy that seems cheap is gross. I would rather a guy base the date on something that he had to do regardless of me having organized a date with him e.g. helping him shop for a present
Training Yourself to Be Counter Intuitive By T
The best way to become counter intuitive is to take the time to ask yourself “what would the average guy say / do in this situation” and then see if you can do the opposite in a funny or playful way. Keep this in mind when you read through the rest of this book and I am sure you will see that most theories adhere to this rule.
How to Be Playful
Funny gets you attention, playful gets you laid. Playful usually involves you teasing the target whilst having a little smile or a smirk as if you are about to laugh. Any line ever said can be playful as it is the delivery which makes something playful rather than the content. You can give them subtle pushes to their shoulders and challenge what they say through subtly making fun of it. For example, here is an interaction I had the other day which could happen to you… on the weekends I go bush walking to clear my head I can picture you in a sweaty wife-beater and safari hat hacking away at bamboo in 40 degree heat ha-ha not quite, I like it when it is more relaxing and not as intense well there’s a nice pot plant over there, why don’t you go rub your face in it for a bit and it will save you heading out into the Amazon this weekend ha-ha I don’t think I’m in the right gear for it *pointing at her high heals and cocktail dress* if anyone can go hiking in stilettos and Gucci it could be you and what’s that supposed to mean? it means what it meant
ha-ha ok whatever you reckon I reckon your favorite colour is blue red actually um…no, it’s blue. Trust me I think I’d know ok, whatever you think weirdo are you usually this hostile towards guys you’re attracted to? no good to know I’m the exception to the rule, don’t try breaking any other rules with me though, I don’t know for how much longer I can handle your flirting Accusing them of flirting with you or trying to win you over, even when it is not the case, is a fun cheeky way of getting them to start to think “perhaps I am flirting with him… Maybe I do like him…” It really is as simple as teasing them about something whilst having a smile on your face. Even just saying “Oh c’mon!”, “As if” or “No way!” is considered being playful. Many PUAs use childish humour because even though it may be the most simplistic (e.g. Ew, don’t touch me you have cooties!) what was funny in the second grade is still funny now. TIP: Elongating the ends of your words can make them sound sarcastic and consequently playful. You can say anything you want to a woman but if it is done with a sarcastic tone and smile you can get away with it. In a recent workshop I showed a student the difference between telling a girl to “fuck off” playfully and then with a normal every-day tone. When I said “fuck off” in a very ordinary expressionless way it came out offensive however when I elongated the suffix of “off” it then became playful. There is a difference between “fuck off” and “fuck offffffffff” or “as if” and “as-iiiff”. Additionally emphasizing each word by itself as opposed to emphasizing the whole sentence adds to sarcasm.
Soe’s Tip: With subtle pushes to the shoulders please do not poke… our brothers’ poke! And be gentle; we don’t like feeling we are being pushed around. Demonstration of strength should only be when we are being kissed, now that’s a big turn on.
Indifference: the hot/cold approach Sending mixed messages is undisputedly one of the most powerful internal techniques you will ever learn. Indifference to a PUA is as stink is to a monkey and if done right, not only will you get laid faster but you can more easily lure someone into falling in love with you. During all your interactions there needs to be an element of mystery and curiosity that keeps your woman chomping at the bit. An analogy used by renowned pick-up-artist ‘Mystery’ uses a cat and twine to help communicate the dynamics of female interest. If you dangle twine outside of a cat’s reach just enough so that its paw can just touch it but never obtain it you will have it mesmerized for hours. If you give it a taste of what it wants but never let it have the whole thing it will remain in your control. However once you give the entire piece of twine to the cat it will play with it for a few seconds, enjoy it and then realize the hunt is over and move on. If you have not noticed by now, you need to be the twine just in the cat’s reach. Tease but never fully give in. When I say “give in” I am in no way referring to sex, I am talking about letting them know 100% about yourself, always aim to maintain an element of mystery and realize that you never have to be 100% compliant. Although if you hold the string too far out of the cat’s reach and it will see the challenge as unattainable and lose interest. Give too much twine too early and the cat will not appreciate it and get bored rather quickly. Even months into a relationship I will let something slip to continually make the woman aware that there is more to me than they initially thought. This can be anything from being an artist to taking a keen interest in cooking. Either way, the moment they feel they know you inside and out they will loose interest in you, always keep the chase alive. You can instill mystery, wonder and highly potent attraction in your woman through two main techniques that have remarkable effectiveness: push / pull and indifference. Soe’s Tip: This is probably the girliest comment I will make but you do not want to fall into a relationship where you hold back information and constantly have to think of appropriate times to tell them things about yourself. This will do for the first 3-4 months but no more.
Push / Pull This is one of the most commonly recognized attraction theories due to its potency and effectiveness. The idea is simple, in your interactions you need to concurrently push them away for every time you pull them in to you. Pushing your woman involves a disapproval of something they have done or something about the way they are. You are going to have to gauge how far you believe you can push the woman without them being totally offended. In a way this is you testing their frame, you are disapproving of something, which shows you are not like all the other guys who want to bed them and who tell them everything is wonderful. Once you push them away from you and create attraction you must always reduce its effects with something accepting or complimentary that does not relate to their looks (fashion sense is fine to mention though). Too much of a push and you alienate her and come off as an asshole, too much pulling and you will seem easy. You need to make them feel like they are on an emotional roller coaster. They will not be able to figure you out, you will create more mystery, playfulness and consequently attraction.
Name: Simone Age: 27 Location: Shopping Mall
I love sushi really? Raw fish is pretty gross (push) but at least you have great taste in cocktails (pull), that mojito looks delicious. Or I love horror movies, there is something about aliens that really interests me yes I can see that, you nerd! (push) That’s ok, I played dungeons and dragons once myself, we’ll get along great (pull) The aim is to be subtle without being blatantly rude. If you are finding that you are coming across as rude you need to work on your delivery, it needs
to be playful and shall be discussed later. How do you know if you are being rude? You say something and they give you a greasy look, they look at each other with a perplexed expression or they get defensive and tell you to take a long walk off a short pier. Frequently apply this technique to keep them interested in you as they will never be able to fully figure you out. People find comfort in being able to stereotype their relationships, it helps them know how to act, what to say and what to do. The beauty here is that the push and the pull are pure opposites; 50% of them say “He likes you” the other 50% says “He’s not interested”. Another way to achieve the same effect is the hot / cold tactic, which is to be used later on in your relationship and is designed to make their interest in you peak. Do not use this theory if you are not prepared for the target to fall in love with you. A big claim to make I know but I am talking purely from results. Soe’s Tip: The hot/ cold theory is very true but do not make it last too long if you are interested in a serious(ish) relationship. If she is smart enough, she will spot this and either know what you are doing, which will annoy her or if she doesn’t see it she will think you are not into her and, to avoid being dumped, she will break up with you. Rather keep all of the activities, friends and obligations you had before meeting her and she will feel you are busy and not clingy without doubting how you feel about her. If the passion seems to fade after a while and the relationship is deteriorating then use T’s hot/cold method.
T’s Takeaways The foundations of this theory are based on simple psychology: create pleasure and then show you have the power to take it away. You need to get them excited or interested in something and then take it away at its peak. This alone will not get you highly potent results as timing helps, so I have helped adapt this theory to the three most crucial points in any seduction to increase its potency. On the phone: Most conversations have a point in time where both people are genuinely interested in the conversation (the social hook point) and have an urge to continue talking to the other party. When the other party says things like “Oh my God I know exactly what you mean etc” or when you ask them a question which they really want to answer e.g. “So tell me more about how you got your promotion” you know you are at the social hook. You can gauge how interested or excited they are at any given point as their voices will go louder, higher and faster. At this point, perhaps halfway through a story, you will say that you need to go as you either: have
another call, have dinner ready or simply say “something’s come up” to keep them guessing. This rule also applies to text-message conversations however in the case of text messaging you will end it by not replying. Text messaging is highly useful tool however use it only for flirty purposes. Text messaging to make the first call or to set up arrangements will be viewed as you being too much of a pussy to actually have a proper conversation. On the Date: If you are being playful wait until they reciprocate, get interested and then you can walk away. Only do this once or twice as not to make it obvious or make the woman feel rejected. An example might be you are playing a little game with them, even if it is a juvenile one like a thumb war, when they start to reciprocate and seem to be having fun stop what you are doing on its high. Either pull away or say with a smile “Ah is that the best you’ve got?” or “Pfft you’re no fun!” Childish humour delivered in a playful way will always be appreciated. In the Bedroom: This is perhaps the most potent tactic you can use. On face value it sounds simple, in reality the results are devastatingly effective. When you get to the foreplay stage with your woman and everything points towards sex you need to get them excited. As this is not the playboy forum I will not go into gory details as to how you physically do that but I am sure you can use your imagination (and have used it in the past *slap*slap*). Once she appears to be getting into it (any form of foreplay or flirting) pull back and say: we’re moving too quickly (having never heard a man say that in his life): um...ok? I really want to stay but I made a promise to myself that I won’t have sex until the 2nd / 3rd / 4th date you can’t be serious I mean it, I like taking my time No man will have ever done this to her, you will leave her unbelievably sexually frustrated. If this is the last emotion you leave her with she will continue to associate with you with this emotion for the subsequent times that you see her and even well after you finish hiding the salami.
If done correctly, and by that I mean leaving them at the peak of their horniness, that last feeling you left them with will last every day until the next time they see you and will likely result in you getting laid within minutes of seeing her on your next date (assuming that you are in the right location). You may be asking “Why wouldn’t I just take the sex on the first opportunity?” The answer is simple: most women, during foreplay and just before sex, will become uncertain and put up their defenses as they will feel like a slut (see ‘Last Minute Resistance’). Even though there are some things you can do to alleviate this feeling it is a lot easier to prevent it than to fix it. This technique also has long term benefits. You can turn the girl you are with into your FB (friend with benefits) or girlfriend with greater ease than if you have a one night stand and try to take it further. Women will often feel cheap if you escalate the situation too quickly, they think emotionally before they think logically and will follow their heart before their mind. They may have short term excitement but once that subsides their conscience starts to take the reins. They will develop ‘Buyer’s Remorse’, soon the thought of you will make them sick, not for the reason that you have done anything wrong, mainly because you remind them of an impulse decision they feel they should not have made. If you and your target only want a one night stand then you can still use this technique however instead of actually leaving just give the impression that you do not intend to stay. You can even take it as far as walking to the door and just as you are about to leave turn around as if you have changed your mind on impulse, come back, open her legs and close the deal. This technique allows you to almost beat them to their own objections. You are now seen to have taken the moral high-ground which will not only establish a greater rapport with your woman but the shock alone will quell their fears of feeling or being perceived as cheap. Women know they will always have sexual power over you as they are the stronger gender when it comes to sexual control. In this instance you turn the tables of sexual power, you in-fact are the one who can take part of the responsibility for any feelings of cheapness or buyers remorse because you demonstrate to them that burden of the decision is no longer fully theirs. Remember that making sex out to be a huge deal and giving over all your hand to the female will increase the perceived gravity of what the two of you are about to do. It will seem like a big decision, which takes big thinking which means big risks for you. Traditionally the moral burdens associated with sex were fully borne by the woman, if you communicate to her that you share the same concerns she will feel that the responsibility
is now split, allowing her to be more lenient with herself. This may seem unbelievable to you that men would have these concerns but let me tell you often they are there and not raised. Men who want to have a long term relationship with the woman or see her more than just for a one night stand often feel the same way yet rarely speak up as they feel they should take the offer whilst it is still on the table. Once again doing what is counterintuitive will have the more profound effect. Demonstrate that you are different to all the other men who want them for a one night stand. You are no longer the average man so why go about your seductions in an average way? NB: if a woman does ask you what you intend for the two of you in the future, if anything at all, never lie. Not only is it unethical but they will realise you do not mean it. You will get more respect speaking the truth than trying to cover it up and trust me, when you are horny you will never be convincing. If an answer or situation appears too perfect it will sound alarms bells in her head. It is better to throw in the occasional downside to add legitimacy to what you are saying.
Fence Sitters By T
If you do not want your woman to fall in love with you then stop reading, this has only been tested eleven times, ten of which have seen the receiving party become infatuated with the PUA. If you are not prepared to reciprocate the feelings you are about to create, then stop reading. If you are doing this only to get sex, then stop reading. This technique is to be used when your woman is still sitting on the fence when it comes to commitment to either a relationship or taking your relationship further (be that to a sexual level or otherwise). If you feel someone still is not sure about you this is perfect. It has shown to increase peoples’ emotional investment from levels around 40% to 90% in the applications I have done and seen my students do. The first step is to have frequent contact with your target. A daily coffee, phone call, email or sms will suffice. Asking to see them every time you contact them will come off as needy, the efforts you make can simply be flirty comments that need no response. You need to start embedding yourself in their everyday life, the aim is to get them to take your presence for granted. Make them feel like they have you, complacency is the key. Be like the stonefish that lets its prey nibble on it whilst it lies dead still and then POW! Before the prey realizes it is on a reclining couch listening to Barry White wondering if it is pregnant or not.
Once the woman is in contact with you regularly they will begin to become complacent and think you will ALWAYS be there. So after 1-2 weeks of frequent contact you then go “missing in action” for a week or so. By this I mean do not have any contact with them whatsoever; no returning of calls, no picking up the phone and no text message replies. Soe’s Tip: If a man did this to me I would have a fit. I strongly disagree. “Who the fuck does he think he is?” Rather, do answer your phone and text messages but make out like you are very busy that week. “Some peace and quiet for a week” is just a bad idea. Then, after a week has passed, start your regular contact again. You will most likely get worried inquiries from the woman as to where you went and why you did not return their calls. You need to tell them in a calm, cool way that you just needed some peace and quiet for a week, to chill out and relax. Make it out to be no big deal. This works with devastating effectiveness as plays on the saying “You don’t know what you’ve got till it is gone”. It is like when you have too much of a good thing, you begin not to realize it anymore. Once you return they will appreciate you more and be considerably more receptive to you company. I came across this theory by accident. A close friend of mine had one girl after him for two years. She was ten years younger and constantly telling him how much she loved him and how great he was. He was so complacent with her constantly stroking his ego for so long that it made him want her less, she was far from a challenge now and he looked upon her as a plan B. It came to the point where the only effect her advances had on him was that he realized she was predictable; every evening there would be a nice message from her. Both he and I wrote off her advances as more of a teen crush until one day my friend gave in and gave her a kiss. From that kiss onwards, for the next fortnight, he received no more online messages, text messages, phone calls or any communication from her whatsoever. His whole world began to disintegrate around him. Here is one of the most intelligent, centered and logical men I know who had no idea why he felt the way he did. It was as if he lived his whole life on a boat and only realized it once it was sinking. To this day the effect of this technique still boggles my mind as to why it is so effective. I did thorough research into historic seductions to gain insight and found that this, among other methods, was a personal favorite of Cleopatra when it came to wining over people who were used to being fawned over.
I thought perhaps it was a personality defect with my friend so I went out and tested it myself and got ten clients to do the same and it worked with the same effectiveness all but once. Why did it fail once? I believe the failure can be attributed to not integrating yourself enough into the target’s life or that my client came off too needy when he made contact every time. Either way, the psychological premise is not a new one: you don’t know what you’ve got ‘till it’s gone.
Mixed Replies By T
Being vague and restricting the amount of information you give your women is commonly called “mixed messages”. Women (particularly attractive ones) expect men to give them what they want when they want it. It is a power thing: they use their looks as weapons for the simple reason that it works like a charm. Even when they are not shit-testing you, you can playfully communicate that you are not at their beck and call. You are exclusive, playful and a PUA. If a woman asks the average man a question he will always give an instant and direct answer because not only does it not make sense to us to play games we genuinely cannot be bothered having to think about everything so much. Realize that whether they know it or not a simple day-to-day question can be used as an avenue to be playful and differentiate yourself. There is no need to be hostile when you respond, instead give them a non-answer to what they are asking you. where will you be tomorrow night? I’ll be where I’m at *cheeky smile and walk away* Or how old are you? 109, I just moisturize regularly to look this young. Or
what time is it? 73 past 4 More often than not these answers are nonsensical. They are non-answers, you are saying something in a playful way, which is an answer but does not answer their question. This usually works best during small talk. If you feel there is a real purpose behind the question other than common knowledge then of course answer it. If you are talking about making arrangements for tomorrow night and she asks you when you are free then tell her. If you met her five minutes ago and she is asking you where you live you know it is small talk, you realize that any answer you give will still continue on to another boring question. Be counter intuitive. Say you live somewhere impossible: Mars, a Vietnamese war bunker, a KFC chicken bucket, anywhere but Point Piper, Rose Bay, Long Island. You think you are the only person to ever live in these places (even if they are nice suburbs?) These do not make you special. How many people have told her they live in the muffler of an ’86 Datsun? This is annoying. This will produce frustration. This is good frustration. Bad frustration happens when they ask you a question where they genuinely need an answer. “How old are you?” or “Where will you be tomorrow night?” will not have huge repercussions if they do not know. Do this with a smile, do not be hostile and just be playful. Push them away, be sarcastic but not aggressive or rude. When a man is attracted to a woman and that woman asks him a question his mind logically thinks that if he complies, if he answers her and gives her what she wants then she will like him better. He is also too scared to push the boundaries. Finally she is showing some interest, and in his mind he wants to promote that. His answer is boring and hey! All of a sudden she has lost interest and won’t ask again. Was how he rationalized the situation unreasonable by answering what she asked to know? No. Did he answer the same way every other man answers and therefore place himself in sexual purgatory? Yes. They will be made aware that you are not the type of guy who just falls into place and can be molded into what they want. The thing is, if you are too compliant they will no longer respect you. The initial qualities you had when you met her were the ones that grew attraction. Once you have been changed into what she thinks is her “perfect man” you may come off as weak.
All the qualities women say they look for in men sound reasonable yet they still keep dating assholes. I am not saying be an asshole, I am saying be playful. An asshole thinks he is better than everyone whereas a playful alpha man likes to have fun with people. The point is, women say they want one thing and then go for the other. Do you want to make yourself the guy she wants but never gets or the guy she gets? Mixed message and non-compliant answers are one way to communicate a variety of positives about yourself whilst still telling her the chase is on.
Destroying Snowballs A lot of the psychology you will learn in the book can apply to other areas of life like your family and the business world. Being counter intuitive can come in handy in all circumstances where people base their actions on what they believe you will do because that’s what the normal person would do. If your flat-mate left dirty dishes in the sink for the fifth time that week and always argues with you about cleaning them then you begin to mentally predict what will happen this time based on your past experiences. It usually takes the format of “I will tell him to clean the plates, he wont agree until I do the bathroom, we’ll argue again about having no cleaning products, neither of us will go to the supermarket out of spite and nothing will get done. If you think there’s a chance you will have the argument again, your brain, as if it were being fed a reel of film, will run a mental movie of what will happen. The next time this argument occurs or even if the slightest sign of it appears to be rearing it’s head, you will get impatient, frustrated and think “Screw going through this again let’s just jump to the end”. Now your temper is more easily set off as you have mentally worked yourself up. Jim: Hey T, can you please grab me the salt from the kitchen T: I’d love to if I could get past the dirty dishes, this is total bullshit, just go to the supermarket and by some cleaning products for the bathroom and don’t be lazy. Jim: Jesus Christ relax, I just asked for the salt. How does this relate to seduction? Let me show you. If someone is going to mentally snowball your actions, build up an argument or a stereotype in their head about you then they have put themselves in a fairly definitive frame of mind. Persuading, arguing and negotiating with them can all work but they can be slow and frustrating processes.
Step back and ask yourself “What can I do that is different to what I normally would do that would catch them off guard”. People come into business meetings, social events and even their own homes mentally prepared. They expect things to go a certain way because that’s what always happens. Women that you approach in a nightclub will judge you firstly on appearance and secondly on what you say in the first 30 seconds. They will generally believe they have you stereotyped, sometimes before you even open your mouth. I often hear women say “That guy is probably a lawyer / accountant / loser / real-estate agent. But a man, regardless of his looks can turn the tables on them through coming out of left field: (to her friends): This guy coming up to us looks like some wanker lawyer-type, I’ll bet you anything. *a conversation begins* So what do you do? I sit around all day and wonder why the Bold and the Beautiful is still on TV This is one example, another simpler situation is when someone (perhaps your boss, a hostile alpha male or a pretentious women) accuses you of something e.g. “Only a tosser would wear a necklace like that, it’s probably to get attention because you need to feel loved”. Trust me, this comment sounds out-there but it has been said a lot. Your response options are: “Fuck you” “Yeah I guess it is a little flashy” “Well, I guess as long as I like it that’s what counts ey?” “You’re so right I need love and affection so badly, I cry myself to sleep at night. “It’s great for hunting lava lamps” The first option is the most enjoyable but will end your interaction faster than Michael Jackson can book another nose job. The second option succumbs to their power and frame of mind. Not only are you agreeing with them putting you down but then you continue to validate yourself to them by saying “I guess it’s a little flashy”. It is logical to think that by apologizing we can get back on their good side. A lot things
seem logical and the right thing to do at the time but do they work? Let me rephrase: do you use a sledgehammer to crack a walnut in order to make you feel like a bigger man? Sure it may fix the problem but it is not a socially acceptable way of doing things. The third option is even worse as you explicitly seek their validation as opposed to implicitly (above). The fourth is the way is considerably better. You agree to their claim, they get thrown off guard and then you use sarcasm to both agree and make their claim look ridiculous. The fifth is my personal favorite. Something so unbelievably obscure that they will swear they misheard you. Quite often a response like “Yeh it’s great for drinking light bulbs” will provoke a “what the hell?” or “um….ok” or “what do you mean?”. Either way you have deflected tension away from you and you now make them feel like the idiot. Quite often they will continually ask you to explain what you said or to “Say it again”. They now want something from you and you have to power whether or not to give it to them (which you won’t).
Congruence In psychology, congruence could be defined as rapport within oneself, or internal and external consistency, perceived by others as sincerity or certainty. Congruence, calibration and social savvy are all synonyms and are essential to any interaction. These are terms that are thrown around a lot and it has taken me years to fully understand what it means and how to get there. Ultimately being congruent is the ability to be dynamic. The ability to be able to cater to different audiences in different contexts, yet still win them over. The best way to become congruent is to screw up your sets. You know that feeling in your stomach, that ‘gut’ feeling you have which is almost like a little voice in your head saying “Don’t say ‘fuck’ in front of the teacher”? That voice is there because when you were younger you did say “fuck” at an inappropriate time and you were reprimanded for it. Because you were punished you learned to be more cautious around certain people when it came to using the word. In your pickup life there are really about 10-15 different ways an interaction can go. The more you screw up, the more your ‘gut instinct’ will be developed and the more you will feel you no longer need to think about what you should or should not say. It becomes inherent within you and consequently allows you to stay more focused on the conversation rather than being focused on not screwing up. You will be able to live
in the moment, roll with the punches and have the ability to be more dynamic. Concentrate on how the two of you interact with each other rather than how you are planning on interacting with her.
Being Exclusive and In High Demand Initially your aim is to make your woman feel like they have to earn your presence otherwise you will leave. You need to already assume that every women wants you, have standards, and if someone steps out of line you call them on it. Knowing what you want is attractive, knowing what you don’t want is essential. Your canned material (pre-learnt lines) and your opener (the first line spoken) are just an excuse to demonstrate attributes about yourself nonverbally through your body language. This form of communication is harder to fake and is far more potent with women than trying to demonstrate a higher value (DHV) through talking. It is the way you hold yourself and deliver your lines which are the most important part of your interactions. You need to convey that you have better offers if the people you are with mistreat you or are not up to your standards. The first thoughts that enter a group’s mind when a foreigner enters their vicinity are usually along the lines of “when will he leave”, “why is he here” and “how can I get him to leave”. Early in your interaction (within the first minute), let them know you will be leaving soon e.g. “I can’t stay long” or “I can only be a second”, this will postpone your rejection as everyone assumes you will be leaving automatically, and is commonly referred to as a “false time constraint”. In reality you have no intention of leaving and by the time you are engaged in conversation they will have forgotten about the false time constraint because by then you have hooked their interest. Secondly it shows you are a socially savvy guy and are not dependant on just one group; an attractive trait. This technique’s benefits primarily relate to rejection; it also helps convey rarity and independence. You enter and leave on your own terms, all of a sudden YOU are the one who determines whether you get rejected or not. Even once you are in a conversation, if you feel its going well and you have their interest, you can say “I have to go back to my friends soon”. Quite often you will get the response of “No! Stay for a bit longer I want to tell you about...” You now determine when you come and go. You now have the power. Soe’s Tip: When you “assume that every woman wants you” it must be your little secret. Arrogance will not work. Do not say things that indicate you think you are irresistible or superior to others. If you secretly “know” you are so great, a confident glow will be emitted from your presence, not by explicitly saying it.
Emotional Association Often a woman’s pleasure or excitement reaches some kind of fruition and is followed by boredom if the man fails to keep them interested. Just like surfing a wave: it starts average, gets great but if you get greedy and stay on for too long you hit the rocks and you are having your testicles untwisted at the doctors. Your women will associate your personality with how they felt at the time they were with you so always end on a high before boredom sets in. If they are bored with you then they will remember you as a boring person and vice-versa for other emotions. Try to see them when you know they are in good moods. Your aim here is to only associate yourself with the positive emotions and nip the negative ones in the bud before they ruin your previous efforts. The human brain is more susceptible to negative thoughts and bad moods than positive ones. Once they know you better and you do see them during a bad day they will still be able to remain unaffected as the tally of times you have seen them with positive outcomes far outweighs those in which they have been moody. Woodhaven (aka Vincent DiCarlo of The Approach) comments that: “After a first meeting, she is going to walk away with some kind of impression - a memory of the encounter. Now the way the mind works is that it distorts time around really strong impressions. We remember each event as a series of mental pictures and sounds with varying intensities. The intensity is determined by the emotions present at the time and how rare or scarce those emotions are. If you walk up to her like no man ever has and completely rock her world for a few moments, thrilling her with your masculine vibe, she will never forget you!” Notice how he said “for a few minutes”. A good impression does not have to be a long one, it just needs to end on a high.
Disqualifiers Question: Why are you talking to this woman in the bar sitting next to you? Answer: You want to get laid. Question: What do you think is going through her mind as to why you are here?
Answer: That you want to get laid. Your goal is to fly under the radar the whole time. The master seducer makes his targets believe that they are seducing him. You can disqualify yourself as a potential suitor when you feel that the girl has an inkling too early on in the interaction that your intentions are things other than teddy bears and watching Desperate Housewives. You need to make them feel the same safety they have when they are with a married man. They know he is a neutralized threat so they give him a greater chance. Women instinctively are hardwired not to be used by men. This whole need for security, fidelity and legitimacy stems back to our tribal day where a woman would need a man to help her hunt, protect her from animals and ultimately survive. If a woman kept sleeping with men, having many illegitimate children and have to take care of both them and herself, with no man around she would not last. Further on in the interaction you SHOULD make your intentions known but only after they have shown some signs within themselves that tell you they are into you (asking you questions, body language, complimenting you, laughing, etc). Disqualifiers come in all shapes and sizes though some are more potent and playful than others. One gambit you can do is playfully point out another guy who would be “a good match for her”. You can do this in any situation where there is a guy nearby who would be far from her type. It can come across as malicious at times if you point out a guy who is very obese or unkempt. Usually I like to pick some big biker guy or one of those real sleaze bags in clubs who are dripping with gold and have way too much hair gel. Alternatively, you can pick an average / normal looking chap for her and actually go up and introduce her to him. Stupid? No. With your newfound seduction skills you can easily continue to dominate the conversation and be the alpha male of the group even when you introduced some new competition. Even if the guy turns out to be a little bit of work he will be caught so off guard that unless he is a pickup artist already he will not know what hit him. If you do feel he is making too much of a positive contribution to the conversation you can just say “We’ll it was nice talking to you mate, we’re going to head off to the dance floor / our friends / the bedroom”. The purpose is for you not only to demonstrate that you can stand up to the competition but the competition is no match for you. 90% of the time the guy will be so floored that this hot girl just fell right into his lap that his brain will freeze and the conversation will get boring and awkward. This
will be the perfect contrast to your charismatic effervescence. One of the most potent disqualifiers I have come across entails giving the target a reason (relating to something they have said or done) as to why you cannot be together. The catch? This reason will be a positive thing, yet for some reason you are saying it is almost too good to have it in your relationship. For instance, the woman may make you laugh. You can say: “You see, this is why we could never be together, you’d be a bad influence. Could you imagine us at a funeral? It would never work, we’d be laughing so hard at each others bullshit that we’d wake the dead. You’re cute but you ain’t worth no zombies”. This line incorporates a fair amount of push pull into it and can really frazzle their systems. On one hand you are saying you cannot be together (which reduces their defenses and helps you fly under the radar) whilst you are listing a very important positive. To them it makes no sense, keep in mind that if they cannot figure you out, you are then mysterious: a very attractive trait. You can literally use a disqualifier about anything ranging from her sneezing to her touching you. You say why you would not work and then make her imagine a situation which you over dramatize e.g. ‘we would never work, I’d want to go out and party and you won’t be able to drive me home. You will be sneezing us into other cars!’ Lame but highly effective. Remember, use disqualifiers if you feel she knows what you are up to or if you need to create more attraction. If she is already all over you then just relax, have a burrito and roll with the punches. TIP: Pull a disqualifier on them as you are hugging them. It can be a quick one liner and does not have to be as long winded as the first one e.g. if the girl is brunette you can comment playfully “If only you were blonde”. This is the most effective disqualifier I use. It incorporates both verbal and physical push / pull elements. Verbally you list a positive (pull) but then disqualify it (negative) all done whilst hugging her (physical pull).
Being Interesting How is it that some men can talk about the most superficial mindless banter yet still keep people interested and attracted? Here’s how: Make good use of facial expression: Practice expressions of excitement, disgust, etc in the mirror and recognize which expressions communicate something to the person you are talking to. If you are having trouble
coming up with faces which will appear legitimate then close your eyes, think back to a time you felt the emotion you wish to communicate, change your expression and then open your eyes and look at the expression you have conjured in the mirror. Quite often we do not realise how inadequate our faces and gestures can be, we just talk and do what comes naturally. Unfortunately a lot of the times we are nowhere near as animated as we think we appear to be. Watch American sitcoms and look at how expressive the actors are. Sure they are usually over-acting but at least they get the message through and are entertaining to watch. Gesticulate: use your body and specifically your hands to help communicate as you talk. Get them to work in time with the pace at which you talk. Use larger gestures to generate more excitement. Make use of your arms, elbows, wrist and fingers. All can communicate very specific emotions.
Voice: alter both the pace and the tone of your voice to match the topic you are talking about. Soe’s Tip: But keep it consistently loud enough. Move your eyes and eyebrows To fully appreciate how well someone can fake excitement watch any home shopping show where they sell steak knives. If you are finding this difficult imagine a time you were excited or interested to help you get in the zone. An easier alternative is just to talk about something you are truly passionate about or interested in as long as you think the set would be interested in it too.
Social Proof Ever found house parties easier to open people than in nightclubs? Do you notice that women are more receptive you when you are with a female friend? Have you realized that there are red spots on your wang when there never used to be? If so see a doctor. The two earlier points though are related and are direct products of social proof.
Social proof is demonstrating that your world is one of a higher value than that of your targets. This can range from walking into a club with a celebrity or simply having a good time with your friends and not being that group of guys in the club who stand around looking for the next kill. House parties are some of the easiest places to pick up solely because of social proof; everyone who is invited has some connection to the host. There are usually one or two degrees of separation between you and your prospective target, and in a way you have already been vouched for as a person worthy of being invited. Social proof cannot be limited to one example, walking straight up to the doorman of a busy nightclub and getting let in before others in line is also a form of social proof. To put it simply, it is anything that shows you are valued.
Sleep Avoid going out tired. You want to be 100% rested as your alertness and general life outlook will be better. The more tired you are the more likely you are to get depressed and the more likely it is that your brain will be trying to rest when you need it.
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approach anxiety & rejection
“I struggle with low self-esteem all the time! I think everyone does. I have so much wrong with me, it’s unbelievable!” Angelina Jolie
Rejection Anxiety A lot of men are afraid that by being rejected they will feel less of a man and people may talk/laugh/point at them. Particularly if you are being natural, as no one likes to feel that they were rejected for being themselves. As you can imagine, the psychological effects of rejection are often magnified and foster issues ranging from poor self-esteem to having less patience for family and friends. Some people even kick small animals; there are a lot of sore guinea pigs around. The idea behind rejection anxiety stems from the belief that if a woman rejects your advance she rejects you personally. This is far from the truth. Attractive women get approached constantly by men wanting to bed them, the moment they realise your initial intentions are sexual they will often put up their defenses. It is better to play it cool, fly under the radar and only communicate your interest once their defenses have lowered. Later we will deal with issues that help circumvent rejection and help you fly under the radar. Look at it logically, how can they reject you personally when they know nothing about you, your history, your groups of friends, how fun you can be and how interesting you are. Most men would say their looks are not good enough, and even though looks can help, a lot of amazing looking men still get nowhere. Women respond more to playfulness, mixed messages and exclusivity than to looks. The only thing that intimidates you about a good-looking woman is that you are afraid that they will uncover your intentions and then have total control over you. One of the best ways to fly under the radar is by removing that fear by implementing a series of techniques to trick your mind into not being nervous. The thing is, everyone gets rejected, even the best pick up artists. There are some women that have had a bad experience that night that has put them in a poor mood. You do not know what has happened to them that night to make them like that. A mood can change in a second if a guy earlier said something offensive to them or out of nervousness “Your dress is so hot, it makes me want to masturbate” or perhaps they just had some bad seafood, these things will always get in the way of any well executed seduction. Either that hot chick in the mini skirt and boob tube you have had your eye on is a nun or a lesbian… possibly even a lesbian nun. Either way, forget it and move on. If you want to get laid more, then be more efficient. If you feel like you are not getting anywhere with someone or it is
too hard then tell them it was nice meeting them and open another set. Never get angry and never show you are affected by rudeness. Often these too can be tests women use on men. Be relaxed, even be surprised that they did not want to talk to you. Their loss: there is only one of you and millions of good-looking women, the odds are in your favor.
Approach anxiety To fully get over approach anxiety rather than just fake your way through it or still have a slight inkling of it in the back of your mind, you need to start small and work your way up. Most pick-up disciplines get you to go straight up and open an attractive woman with a regular “Hi I’m Jim” or canned opinion opener “Who’s more slutty, Britney or Christina?” This works to alleviate your fear of rejection and approach anxiety if you do it a few hundred times however ninety percent of guys never get to that level because they cannot handle any more than six or seven rejections. A twenty-one day approach course that I did a few months ago gave me some good ideas. To help get over your fear of approaching they started off by getting my buddy Ven and I to approach people 30 times each, within two hours, every day, doing standard things like asking for the time, directions or even coffee. Even though this was a minor part of the course it was highly beneficial as not only do you get complacent with the fear of approaching after being exposed to it so much but you also learn how to be socially savvy (also referred to as congruent). After you ask the hottest women you can find the same thing over and over you realize that their reactions are based purely on your delivery rather than what you say. I urge you to go out and practice this small exercise together with a friend and play around with your facial expressions, eye contact and body language. To give you some quick tips: Smile but not too much; imagine your best friend just won the lottery and what your expression would be: this is the smile you want. Furrow your brow slightly (watch any Pierce Brosnan or George Clooney movie to get an idea of this). Speak with a consistent tone, do not rush your words; be laid back. Have your hands free to gesticulate and keep them away from anything you can fidget with. Posture: shoulders should not be angled forward; chest out and most importantly have your chin up one inch more than you usually would so you are almost looking down at them.
Soe’s Tip: If gesticulating is hard try keeping your hands casually in your pockets. I learnt this when I was studying theatrical drama: it forces you to use your facial expressions more. Most importantly though, it gives that “I don’t give a shit” look, which I love. But make sure you do not slouch; you still need to keep open shoulders and lean back. You can even put your thumbs hooking onto the bottom of your pockets so your thumbs are in the pockets yet your other fingers are out.
Actually Getting Out There Most people who learn anything new that is even remotely scary or different never go out and practice it. They kid themselves that they know what to do and might be able to teach others how to do it effectively yet they themselves have never had any practical experience. Using certain tactics to help you pick up is a scary thing; it has scared every man (except Chuck Norris) at one point in their lives. The best way to make sure that you practice what you have learnt is to tell your friends, prior to going out, that you intend to do 10 cold approaches that night. You need to quantify it because if you do not have a number and a time frame you will get nowhere. It is a lot easier to let yourself down rather than someone else, particularly now that you have put your ego on the line. A close friend of mine quit smoking by handing out 100 business cards to her closest friends saying she will quit. Now that everyone knows she cannot let them all down by doing it again. So, in regards to picking up, tell you mates before you go out that night that you will be approaching at least 10 women that night or that you will not touch a beer or yourself until you have received a number from a woman. This will force you to go out and do what none of us enjoy doing initially. A few weekends of awkwardness is a small price to pay for a lifetime of women.
Shyness If you are really shy try breaking yourself into the mode of approaching women with talk of mundane things and then work your way up to actual conversations. Above I mentioned that 21 day approaching course I did. Every day it would get a little harder, we would have to ask women directions, compliment them, then sit down with them, then touch them etc. You can do this yourself but you need to do it with a partner. The aim is that after you ask the first 20 people you become so complacent with rejection or your anxiety that you legitimately will not give a damn anymore and you will feel your shyness progressively deplete. Let me save you some time and briefly outline what to do: Ask 30 women each (you and a partner) for the time
Ask 30 women each (you and a partner) for the time whilst pointing to your watch Ask 30 women each (you and a partner) for directions Compliment 30 women each (you and your partner) e.g. that’s the funkiest top I’ve seen all day. And then continue walking. Compliment 30 women each whilst being in an excited mindset. Imagine you are excited about knowing their response, think back to a time you were excited and get that feeling into your body and then approach.
The First Three Minutes Women will decide their attraction for you within the first 3 minutes, which is why we will be briefing in detail on this crucial period of time. Below are some of my own theories I used to help me with my anxiety.
Guinea Pig Theory By T
When you start your night make your first four approaches groups of people who are merely test-subjects. They can be anyone you are not attracted to and their sole purpose is to get you warmed up and free of anxiety. You will be more confident if you are not intimidated by looks and less attractive girls appear more approachable and less pretentious. You can even start by approaching all-guy sets or moving into a warm-set (someone you know or have been introduced to). The aim is to concentrate on the conversation rather than their looks and to get your brain into conversation mode. If you are still nervous think of them as your guinea pigs: an experiment in which no importance is placed on the outcome. This mindset will help you dehumanize the people who intimidate you and will help you get over their looks. You will often find that you feel more free, more confident and will often end up gaining attraction from the guinea pigs which often provides a good ego boost for when you go and approach women you intend to seduce.
The Four Year Old Girl Rule By T
Try to visualize, whilst talking to her, that she is something or someone that is un-intimidating. One of the most common applications of this comes in the form of visualizing they are a four year old girl or someone you do not find attractive. A lot of men like to imagine a female friend of theirs who
is purely platonic. If she tests your frame e.g. “don’t think you’re getting lucky tonight” respond how you would to your visualized character e.g. “ah that’s so adorable, you think I want to have sex with you, you’re a funny one you know that?”
The Cameron Diaz Theory By T
This technique is in the same vein as the above however it has the additional benefits of helping convey exclusivity and coming across as confident rather than needy. When out, imagine you have Cameron Diaz (or whoever your ideal woman would be) waiting for you, in bed, at home. If you get nervous in a club, picture that image of her in your bed; just make sure not to over stimulate yourself (there’s nothing more needy than an erection). Think to yourself: “I don’t need the acceptance of these women as I have a perfectly good one at home waiting for me”. You can trick yourself into having that magic attraction married men carry, they are carefree and more uninhibited around women because they know at the end of the night they have a sure thing waiting at home. In reality water based lubricants will still do you just fine.
Best Friend Theory By T
Try to visualize the woman as if they were one of your best / oldest girlfriends (not the romantic kind). You find that you will take bitchy comments as funny rather than offensive and will feel more uninhibited and natural when you talk to the woman. A situation is only awkward if you make it awkward. And how do you make it awkward? By believing everything is fine. The way you can change these beliefs is both by not caring (making them guinea pigs) or acting as if your interaction is just a normal conversation and not a seduction. It is essential with your seductions that you have the belief that the girl wants you. It may be hard to believe at first but keep reminding yourself that she wants you and train yourself to see *everything* she does as an indicator of interest (IOI) towards you. Did she touch you? Is she listening to you? Did she bite her bottom lip? She wants you, she wants you, she wants you. Charisma Arts instructor Judson was telling me about a workshop he took where the woman his client was talking to had her arms crossed. The client ejected from the set to Judson’s dismay. When asked why he left, the client said “look at her body language, she wasn’t into me. Her arms were all crossed”. Judson was floored, he was adamant the woman
was in-fact squeezing her arms together to subtly emphasize her small cleavage as all her other body language was very positive. The moral of the story is, even if you are not sure what she is doing, unless you get a “fuck off”, stick in there as long as you are still interested in playing hide the sausage.
Approach Instantly Once you see a woman you need to approach them the moment you decide that you are attracted to them. If you hesitate for more than 5 seconds you begin to give weight to the negative thoughts in your mind. Do not give your mind the chance to convince you that your seductions will fail. It will snowball all the negative reasons why not to approach until you pussy out. Alternately when you do approach you are so nervous or half-assed you will crash and burn, giving you the perfect material to say “see, I told you I’m not good with women”. I have dedicated a whole chapter purely to anxiety for one simple reason: you will only ever improve once you learn to manage your anxiety. Take that leap of faith and practice. Without practical applications you will not get very far.
Let Me Solve All Your Approach Fears The key to approaching is to break it down into little steps. Figure out what you are comfortable doing and then go one step further just to take you out of your comfort zone. If you do not feel uncomfortable or awkward you are not improving. For example if you feel it is too hard to start off by walking up to a girl and asking her opinion on something instead you can figure out what you are comfortable with e.g. asking a woman for the time, and then take it a step further e.g. ask for the time and then ask for an opinion. Something that brings you closer to your goal: opening.
time + compliment comfortable asking the time
compliment uncomfortable opinion opener
So if you are comfortable asking for the time but you are not comfortable using an opinion opener you can reach a medium. Instead you go up, ask a woman for the time and compliment her on something. You should repeat this twenty times on attractive women you do not know. By the time you are done I guarantee you that will not feel awkward approaching women in this way ever again.
Let us say you do this 20 times, it feels natural to you now, lets continue to work closer to the goal again; opening. Now go up and pay a compliment to a woman outright, regardless of asking for the time. Do that 20 times. Now that you are complacent with it, asking her an opinion opener seems more manageable. You have now reached your goal.
Excuses and Assumptions Every guy will always have an excuse as to why he should not approach. Not one excuse is ever legitimate unless she is wearing a bridal gown at the time. The most common excuses I hear is that “She is not for me, she looks bitchy / busy / unfriendly” in other words, guys make assumptions about someone before they meet them. This is the same for male obstacles in the group: usually the intimidating looking guys are in fact the biggest pussies. So many interactions I have seen have had a tall or muscular man as the obstacle and a good portion of the time he would be referred to as a “gentle giant” or “teddy bear”. The solution? Persistence. The longer you stick in the set the longer you will have the chance to determine whether they are acting like the stereotype you perceive them to be. A lot of the time the way you treat them is how they will continue to act. They know people generally assume they are a certain way (e.g. hostile, pretentious, shy) but you have the power to challenge this assumption. My best friend Dustin is the nicest, warmest and least intimidating guy I know but he looks like a gangster. So many people over the years have been scared of him for no reason, even after they met him. He knows that if he wants to he can pull off the “intimidating tough guy” image and he does it occasionally both to punish people for making that assumption to begin with and just for fun to mess with their heads. Just like many girls who are pretentious at the beginning of your interactions if you treat them normally and do not fall into their games you will find they will open up into normal, nice people about ten minutes of conversation.
Transition into Natural Game Whenever you are in doubt as to where to take the interaction, escalate. Take things to the next level. Too scared to approach? Too scared to kiss her? Feel as if you are acting too needy? Then take it up a notch. Every time you feel there is a problem or you do not know what to do, think to yourself that she really wants to bang your brains out. A PUA friend
of mine, FM, went to do a mind control course in America a few months ago. They taught him that if you want someone to do something or feel a certain way then you need to genuinely believe that they will do it. You can try to imagine the thoughts transmitting from your head into their body, into their mind as if you are telepathically communicating with them. FM was telling me that on more than one occasion when he was working as a cab driver he would try this technique to get $60 for a $20 fair. He said it worked a good proportion of the time to either get the exact amount he wanted or a more than generous tip. Although I have not tried this in the business world, in the world of pickup believing that everyone wants you (and even imagining these thoughts shooting out of you and hitting everyone around making them feel that way about you) does have its benefits. Unfortunately I am too cynical to believe in telepathy; however I do believe that thinking these thoughts does make you feel more comfortable and attractive in yourself, which is made even easier when you feel everyone else agrees. What it comes down to is this: there is only so much body language you can feign, only so many words you can memorize in their correct sequence to sound alpha and only a limited amount of time you can spend keeping your voice sounding strong and unwavering. And even then, despite all these things being essential to a good seduction, women’s instincts still are wary that these things are not the most accurate indicators of a man’s talents as they can be emulated. When you have a confident mindset, parts of your body communicate things so subtle that only her unconscious can pick them up. This may be something like you blinking slightly slower than you usually would when you are nervous, or when you are gesticulating your hand is raised an inch closer towards her because you are confident enough to penetrate her own personal space where as before you would have hesitated a bit. These things cannot be faked. We are so unaware of them that trying to think of all these things at once would do your head in. Do not try to learn all these tactics and use them the first time you go out. Go out and work out what your issues are from opening to closing the deal, then come back to this book and pick the theory that is right for you. Just remember if something is already working, you do not need to change it. I’ll say it again, do not try to learn everything all at once. Not even the best PUA’s learn this way. They read these tactics, understand them, and then when needed the process pops into their heads but until that happens they continue on with
“natural game”. This is how some men can get away with lines that have not worked for you or jokes that you feel you cannot pull off. This is why “naturals” can just “say anything to a girl” and have it work. They do not know how they do it, they just do it. This is why when you ask a natural how you can improve they will usually tell you not to give a shit and to “just be yourself”. Before you can be yourself you need to fix parts of your personality and how you communicate them. Thinking you are the one they need to chase and having a knowingness that everyone is attracted to you will communicate these things through non-verbal subtleties and will keep your mind on track.
{opening}
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those doing it.” Chinese proverb
Opening The style of opening you will learn here is unlike any other in the world. The reason is that it is a process designed to help you grow into a man who can open every time successfully whilst being as lazy as possible. The goal is to put in as little effort as possible to get the greatest result. Approaching women can be done either directly or indirectly. Both methods have their advantages and disadvantages. An indirect approach occurs anytime the man uses an innocuous pretense as an excuse to talk to a woman. An innocuous pretense is any reason that would be seen as non-threatening, such as asking for the time, for directions or for an opinion. A direct approach occurs anytime the man does not attempt to mask his true reason for talking to a woman. Direct approaches can range in intensity from the lukewarm “How’s it going” to the warm “I had to come over and say hello” to the smoldering “I think you look incredibly sexy”. The advantage of indirect openers is that they can be used by men who have little experience approaching women as they mask any flirtacious intent. It allows the man to practice some of the crucial elements of the approach without having to feel nervous, embarrassed or shy about what he has to say. Most pick-up schools will teach you indirect openers for the conversational benefits; you are going in with something pre-prepared to say, which often takes the edge off. As part of the T-Method this is not the primary reason you will be using these openers. You will use them to practice your delivery. The non-verbal aspects of the approach include eye contact, voice control and posture. These are three things which you will most likely not take notice of because to you they seem obvious and far from earth shattering. This was a mistake that plagued me for 3 years and saw many rejections. We will touch upon these three aspects later. One of the primary drawbacks of the indirect opener is that it causes the man to mask his sexuality whereas a successful seduction requires a man to embrace his sexuality. The opener sets the tone for the entire interaction and when a man tries to “fly under the radar” he subsequently has to make a very conscious effort to start flipping the various attraction switches so that the woman will begin to see him as a lover and not merely a friend. A second drawback is that regardless of how cleverly you attempt to mask your true intentions, attractive women are socially intelligent enough
to understand why you are there. Just know that before you have even opened your mouth, she assumes that your intentions are not platonic unless she is asking you if you want milk or sugar, paper or plastic. Of course there are various methods for making your indirect opener. Lines such as “Do you think horoscopes are legitimate?” appear more spontaneous, perhaps to the extent that the woman will really believe that it was just pure chance that you ended up talking to her. However, once you have mastered the non-verbal aspects of the approach it is time to ask yourself if you really wish to continue down this route. You are there talking to a beautiful woman who has the attention of every single male in the bar. As a sexually confident male you should embrace the intensity and not shy away from it. Here the end goal is a direct opener (“I saw you from over there and had to come say hi”) without coming across as an average sleaze-bag. This is why you need to begin with indirect openers. Indirect openers are not used by your average sleaze-bag, they are merely questions that allow you to shut your brain off and think about your eyes, your voice and your posture. Your goal is not to get them into a conversation nor is it to get them home. Your goal is to open, ask your question, pay specific attention to the three things mentioned above and then eject. Why eject? Because indirect openers are not the most confident or efficient away to start a conversation. You may feel dirty that you have this secret sexual motive deep inside you that you know is going to have to come out sooner or later. This can make you nervous and will be noticed by the women you are interacting with. Being direct can save you an amazing amount of time as not only do you get rejected less than 5% of the time (when done right) but you can tell instantly if they are interested or not and will often see you kissing them in less than 20 minutes. All these results are purely reliant on you starting to open indirectly by asking questions, developing your non-verbal communications, and then once they are developed moving on to direct openers.
When You Approach: Lean Back
Every time you go to a club or bar there are at least 10 guys in there who have gone up to a girl and have come across needy. Approaching front on so that you are face to face with the target can seem confrontational and needy at the best of times. Men also tend to lean in when they feel they need to be accepted. Both communicate neediness, which is highly unattractive.
Approaching side on as if you are almost talking over your shoulder to them can fix the first aspect. The second aspect of leaning in can be fixed by standing up straight. I might sound like your Mother but bear with me. Standing up straight might fix you seeming needy but it does not give you an edge. It is essential that you lean back slightly as if you are sitting in the seat of a sports car. This way you are doing something instead of not doing something. You are appearing confident and indifferent instead of just not appearing needy.
Needy
Neutral
Confident
When you begin your approach do not come in too close, keep a distance within a 0.5-1 meter range. Stand up straight; try to imagine you have a metal pole stuck from your neck down to your lower back. The aim is not to be stiff but rather to put your shoulders back, chest out (as apposed to hunched over) and have you chin raised an inch or so above normal height. It is almost the same kind of posture you torso takes when you are reaching for something on a high shelf. You do not want to come across as needy. Refrain from moving your head in closer if you cannot hear or approaching them from behind. If you cannot hear them, instead of leaning in (called pecking) simply move your whole body closer into their space and position your mouth next to their ear. Approach side on almost as if you were to talk to them over your shoulder. Only once they angle their torsos towards you (in other words point their
bodies to face you) should you do the same and then begin talking as you normally would. When you are facing someone and they are not facing you, you will have the lower value. People who choose to listen have more power than the person talking. Demonstrate that you are not that keen on talking to them. You want to talk but you do not need to. Just think of it like this: every time you lean in God kills a tiny kitten as punishment. If this doesn’t work, have a friend come out with you to keep check on you posture. Tell them that if they see you leaning in towards a girl they are to come over and explain loudly and in graphic detail how much you want to have sex with her. I guarantee the fear of having your friend completely blow you out of your set in a very embarrassing way will be enough to make sure to you never lean in again.
Using your voice properly
Having a measured and calm way of speaking is highly effective in convincing someone that you are ok with yourself, your surroundings, and socializing, despite being attracted to them. Speaking too fast, stuttering, um-ing and ah-ing and even having a quiver in your voice are all giveaways to others that “something is bothering you” and it isn’t oil prices in Turkmenistan. Be animated with your voice to create interest but if you consistently talk at a high-speed people tend to think you are needy. Needy people talk fast because in their minds they believe that if people know them better they will accept them. The way they get people to know them better is by talking to them and the moment they feel an interaction is slipping through their fingers they feel a need to try to get all their information out as quickly as possible. They believe as long as they spurt out the material as quickly as can be it will give people a view of who they are in the shortest period of time, (a period of time so short it will reduce the chances of them getting rejected). That’s fair enough as it makes some sort of sense. But it’s wrong. You also run the risk doing what I do: hitting people with such high energy that they are scared to contribute to a conversation for a fear that they won’t be able to keep up. Also not a good thing; if you talk too fast, people won’t have a chance to contribute. I used to have a stutter and after years of speech therapy nothing worked until the therapist told me one metaphor: “Imagine your mouth is like a tap. You can turn on the tap too strong and you will overfill your bucket or you can turn it on too weak and take hours to fill it. This is like your mouth and your brain. Your brain is working much
faster than your mouth, the tap is on too strong, and sometimes what comes out of your mouth is like the water that splashes over the edge of the bucket. It’s not a steady stream of words; it’s everything that didn’t fit in the bucket, so you stutter. Whenever you feel nervous or begin to stutter just imagine that you are turning the tap down so that less water is coming out. Just tighten the word tap” You need to speak as calmly as possible, as if you are just talking to your local greengrocer asking for a bag of oranges. You are not anxious because you talk in a slow, measured and paced way where the tone of your voice is not fluctuating due to nervousness.
Eyes
Solid eye contact is the third essential, highly obvious and often forgotten trait. It is ok to look away from their eyes at times but never look down. The moment you look down it communicates you are either nervous or ashamed. If you are finding it hard to maintain eye contact, look at a point in the center of their forehead. To them it looks exactly the same as if you were looking them in the eye but for you it can help calm those nerves.
The Checklist
• Lean back • Speak at a consistent pace and tone • Look them in the eye You will open successfully 90% of the time.
Familiarize Yourself with Your Surroundings The aim here is to make one or two bars feel like home so that when you do approach women you feel as if it is on your terms. Pick a bar that is not too loud, has a good variety of women that appeal to you and frequent it 1-2 times a week for a period of 6 months. Familiarize yourself with the bartenders, managers, bouncers and regulars. We all feel more comfortable in surroundings that we experience more often. Having a fear of the unknown is a pretty common thing. Imagine that you were flying first class and the pilot invites you into the cabin and then offers you the controls. You would have next to no idea what to do to keep the plane flying as the closest you’ve ever got is playing flight simulator on your PC. Now imagine your mate is on your PC mucking around on flight simulator and asks you take over while he goes to grab a drink. You’d have no problem at all. You are more confident in your abilities and familiar with the context
and consequently you feel at ease. When you first start implementing our techniques you will most likely feel like the former example but with practice and domestication you will feel comfortable in no time.
Getting Their Attention In loud environments such as a nightclub there can be up to two hundred different sounds occurring at any given time. Music playing, people talking, phones ringing, glasses breaking are all examples of background noise that will inhibit the effectiveness of your opener. Our brains can only focus effectively on one sound at a time and we tune out the rest as background noise. When people are talking in a club you can stand behind them and offer them one hundred dollars to turn around right now and the chances that they will hear you are very slim unless you touch them, make eye contact, are ultra-loud or say their name. All of these are tools that can be used to open effectively in addition to invading their space. Stepping into the middle of a group for the first second of opening and making people feel awkward with your presence due to your close proximity will always stop them mid-sentence. Stepping into their group, invading their space, making eye contact, opening and then a second later stepping back out to a reasonable distance will save you the embarrassment of getting the first half of your opener lost in the distance. Often if they have not seen you straight away or are mid sentence talking to each other they will only realize you are there talking to them just as you are finishing your opener. This will often see you having to repeat it again from the beginning and will throw you off-guard as you need to maintain the same amount of enthusiasm you had when you opened initially. Additionally you will bore the group by the time you begin repeating the last half your opener, which is the part they have already heard. This will make your interaction more difficult and your goal is to make picking up women easier, not harder.
Types of Indirect Openers These are the first type of openers you will be using to help get your delivery right. As beneficial as indirect openers are you need to genuinely be interested in their subject matter (or a good actor) to pull it off. Furthermore if you have trouble with opening or getting to the social hook (where both parties have incentive to continue the conversation) you need to break down your approach into even smaller steps to really pinpoint where you are going wrong.
For me personally, approaching was always my biggest issue. For the past few years I have asked every natural and pickup-artist I have seen “How did you approach that set?” and “What did you say”. The best guys will always have the same answer: “I dunno…I just did it…can’t really remember what I said.” This by far was the most frustrating thing I have ever encountered because it never gave me anything I could use to help myself. One day I realized that this answer had more to it than I thought. It does not matter what you say, it is how you say it and in your delivery. But what happens when your brain goes numb and you still need something secure to fall back on? I have come up with a flawless method of opener, which helps you fly under the radar to such an extent that the targets will never even have the chance to raise their defenses against you. The problem was this: using a situational opener (a funny or interesting observation or comment about your environment e.g. Pointing to a mismatched couple and saying “wow, I bet you THEY met online”) will open a conversation but it will not keep it going. Opinion openers on the other hand is where you have a pre-prepared topic you ask someone about (e.g. Hey would you ever go out with your best friends ex?) however if you do not deliver it with full conviction people will often turn to you and say “What? Who cares, why are you asking me this? Are you taking a survey or something?” And then even after the opinion or situation opener has been said and answered where do you go from there? I have developed a flawless method of opening that is not only natural but also interesting and retains the best parts of 3 of the most common approach methods: • Situational comment • Opinion opener relating to the situational comment • Story relating to the opinion opener Notice how the steps forward always relate back to what was said previously. This establishes a seamless flow to your conversations. Other pickup artists prefer to use 3-step opinion openers where they ask a series of three consecutive and related questions to try to get a conversation started: Hey, would you ever go out with your best friends ex? (female answer) Really? Don’t you think it would be weird if you were to all go out together one night? (female answer) And what if you happened to meet at the same café they had their first
date? (female answer) These are great if you wish to stick with opinion openers and do work well but you run the risk of interrogating them with questions if a conversation never kicks off. Woodhaven once posted:
If you want to use opinion openers either:
• Genuinely care about the topic. -OR• Make sure it’s obvious that the opinion opener is just an excuse to talk to her (In this case, ask it and then quickly change topics) A common pitfall with the opinion opener is that guys fail to “root” their openers. This has nothing to do with inserting your Johnson into this book, rather ground your openers by giving them some purpose. Just asking the question without any context will throw the other person off, and they will wonder why you are asking. By saying “My mates and I are trying to give Jim over their some advice. Would you ever go out with your best friend’s ex?” you are giving your opener some context. You now have a reason to be there, so they are not likely to respond with “Why are you asking me this?” or “Are you writing a book or something” (only I get to say yes to this one). My own method for grounding your openers is explained below.
T’s 3 Hit Hybrid Opener T’s 3 hit opener is not your regular way to open groups. This is the most effective way to open a group or a person as it gives the person four opportunities to converse with you when a regular opener gives only one. The hybrid opener is a process rather than a pickup line or a gimmick. The process is made up of steps that, within themselves, can still open a group but when combined they give three different opportunities for your target to hook which makes for a more fluent and natural opener. The aim with the three hit opener is that every time you move forward to the next step you look back at the previous step for context. Sounds cryptic I know, but bear with me as there’s an example further down. Personally I have always found opening to be my weakness. I felt that it was awkward going up to women and asking their opinion on something I did not care about. I have had amazing success with opinion openers but situational openers always seemed more natural to me. However they always failed to start a conversation properly. Conversely, the opinion opener seemed too rough for opening as I like my openers to be more refined and more subtle so I can fly under the radar.
A common problem all learner PUAs have is that they feel that they do not reach the social hook point with opinion opener because once their question is answered the conversation heads towards a natural end. For this reason stories are essential and follow the opinion opener in both sequence and subject.
T’s 3 Hit Approach By T
1) Situational opener / comment 2) Opinion opener related to situational opener 3) A story incorporating the opinion opener
You start with a situational comment: I’m loving this bar, they have an amazing selection yep
You then ask her opinion on the topic you just mentioned: I’m looking to try something new, a drink that is a little different, what would you recommend? um, Yeager-Bombs
You then continue into a funny story that communicates positive qualities about yourself (this helps differentiate you from other average men without bragging) and will be linked to your opinion opener. The story will be partially pre-prepared with funny nuances that will also allow for your situational opener to be slotted in. It’s funny, the last time I saw someone have a Yeager-Bomb was at this mardi-gras party I went to. This one guy was obsessed with them. He looked like Elmer Fudd on steroids, I shit you not he was up to here (use your hands to show he was shoulder height) about 200 kilos and was with this 7 foot blonde woman. He came and sat on the last chair in the whole party so his girlfriend said ( *use highly exaggerated bimbo voice* ) “Like baby can I like please sit down as my stilettos are fully killing my feet”
and I swear he turns around, looks at her *impersonate his expression: one of confused seriousness* and without saying anything backhands her to floor. So I didn’t know who to say something to first, him or her because now her left breast fell out of her pink halter top. I went up to him and said “Hey man, that isn’t cool, lets just relax and have fun ey” and he turns around, this 200kg guy and says *use the highest most ridiculous voice you have* “I treat my bitches how I feel like ok?”.
At this point you will already have gotten a few laughs which not only demonstrates that you are a funny entertaining guy but also lowers her defenses towards you if you are funny and personable. It is important to talk a lot at the beginning of an interaction, as until you have demonstrated something of value about yourself they will have no incentive to contribute. You can then continue the story by saying: It was the funniest: this guy who smelt like warm beer, covered in tattoos and looked like an over inflated pool toy you just want to squeeze
(Notice the use of visual, sensual and tactile imagery in accordance with an analogy to help communicate to your target on every level and get them even further involved / interested in the story). He started to go on some roid-rage fit and it just killed the aura of the party, I didn’t want to stay so I ended up just taking my mates back here (the bar you are in).
This story shows that not only do you have ethics and that you can protect women but you also are a leader of men. All positive qualities subtly communicated. Quite often your target will become interested in talking to you and relate a similar experience or make another comment you can continue talking about. If not then instead of asking her a question, talk to her as if she were an old friend. Just make a statement that provokes further conversation. Don’t you hate it when you’re having an amazing night and one bad apple can ruin the whole vibe?
Notice how this provokes further conversation without having to question them and seem needy, e.g. “Have you ever been at a party where that has happened to you?” Also you are talking about a broad experience rather than specific facts,
e.g. “Don’t you hate it when some short built guy starts getting all hostile to try to impress his girlfriend after you know they have just had a fight?” This is way too specific and chances are fairly slim that anyone could fully relate to that. By this time you are usually in a full-blown conversation with the girl and her group of friends. Even though the situational opener might only be to the one person once you start telling your story be sure to get everyone’s attention. Tap them with the back of your hand, make eye contact and/ or speak louder and say ‘Hey that reminds me” or “hey guys check this out” etc. Start only once everyone has your attention. The last thing you want is another person who isn’t involved to turn away and start a competing conversation, which can suck away everyone you are talking to. If you feel that you need to work to get their attention, emphasize the key words of your opinion opener e.g. I’m looking to try something NEW, could you RECOMMEND a nice DRINK. Spread your eye contact around, make sure you are slightly higher energy than the group is and it is pretty hard to get blown out. This is an easy opener to use if you are already in the right proximity to the girl / group you are after. If you cannot seem to bring yourself to do this then you can half-open the group before you decide to fully open them. A technique a Sydney-based pickup artist Blake Steel uses is that he will get them to mind his drink for him whilst he goes to the bathroom and then comes back and either teases the target about spiking it or just launches into the Hybrid Opener. Ultimately do not go out of your way to try to show her that you are of a higher value than other guys, assume that you are of higher value before you go into the set. This is more potent than any pre prepared story as it comes out automatically. If you are having issues with this either practice using canned materials or visualize yourself as someone who does have those qualities. The best way to overcome your fears is to expose yourself to them to such an extent that you become complacent with your anxiety. Becoming good at the art of the seduction is much like going to the gym. Lifting a weight ten times is painful and uncomfortable but is only those additional 2 or 3 lifts extra that you do that build muscle. Sure they are painful and you hate the feeling but ultimately those last 2 or 3 that push you to your edge are the only ones, which contribute to your development. Remember this when you start your approaches, you will get rejected a lot but you will improve quick enough to reduce how many times it happens.
Even the best guys in the world get rejected 10-20% of the time. There are just some people that you cannot talk to or have something important on their mind and just want to be left alone. Realize it is them and not you.
The Fourth Hit By T
If the conversation still does not hook after the third hit (story) you now need a more proactive way to get the group / target to contribute. If your story is something that most people will not be able to relate to you need to either make it a story that has a common setting or situation where something normal goes wrong. The problem is that usually the stories people don’t relate to, the obscure, strange stories that take people by surprise are the ones that engage them because they did not expect the punch line. Why don’t they expect the punch line? Because they can’t relate to what you are saying. To counter this you need to use a PBE – Personal Broad Experience. PBE is a term I coined to help remind students to stop talking at the targets and starting talking with them to get them to contribute. A PBE is usually vague, relates to a feeling, emotion or common occurrence and is designed to communicate on an emotional level rather than a factual one. Take this example I had whilst winging a student during a workshop of mine: Talking to this girl was pleasant but I felt like I needed to work to keep it above water. Picking up should not be that hard, if they cannot contribute after the three hit opener even with the fourth additional hit added on to it then leave, the set is too much effort. Reducing seduction down to a science is meant to make your life easier and let you get away with trying less in the long term, so just open another set. The best way to communicate what a PBE is to you is to show you.
Name: Julia Age: 21 Location: Nightclub
you’re really tanned, its nice (pull). It reminds me of roast turkey (push) ha-ha thanks I just got back from Thailand, they have the most awesome beaches
don’t you just love the feeling of going to a foreign country for the first time; you feel like a kid again, everything is so new and different (PBE)
tell me about it! The first day we arrived we got so lost. The cab took us to the wrong hotel and we didn’t speak Thai. We spent 2 hours arguing with them that we had a reservation and then they told us the name of the hotel I can’t believe you didn’t even look at the name of the hotel to make sure it was the right one. How many Jack’s n’ Coke did you have on the plane? Sure you feel like a kid again…but not a drunk kid. What age did you start drinking (Grab)? when I was 15 I finished my first beer So when you were 8 and had 10 half bottles of beer you weren’t considered an alcoholic? (Playful teasing) “I swear mum, I did my algebra, and now I deserve to relax alright!” (Impersonating a drunk child) What’s you’re favorite teddy bear’s name? Sparkle Bear (continuing the impersonation of her as a drunk minor) “ Anyou….you… Mr. Sparkle Bear…I lied when I said I loved you, all those nights I was gone I was at Fuzzy Bunny’s house having my own little tea parties!” I love tea parties, they rock. I miss them though. Put your number in my phone and I’ll call you next tea party if a teddy bear gets sick and drops out um…I’m not… you can do it – 04… ha-ha ok 0413881299
Long example I know, I get carried away, I can’t help it, so relax. The PBE was only used once although I wanted to communicate to you how once small PBE can keep the conversation running. Once they participate a little bit reward them for that, they have taken a small step in the right direction, one more step and participating in conversation will become their new mode. Notice how a PBE is an open loop but with an emotive subject matter: a comment that is a supplement for asking a question. It is a statement designed to spark interest and get a response (discussed in ‘conversation theory). Julia said “I just got back from Thailand, they have the most awesome beaches.” Sure there are a multitude of things you could say that are open loops or questions like: How long did you go away for? Thailand is so much fun, did you hit the full moon parties? Who did you go with? Sunscreen or sun oil? The food is amazing, what were your 3 best meals? These may get an answer, they may even get you into another conversation but will they be passionately involved about what they talk about? They will be discussing specifics; “I ate chicken with massaman curry for dinner one night” or “The temples are great, I liked the smell of incense”. All these things ARE conversations, however they are BORING conversations. To find out what they are passionate about, to figure out what makes them excited (which you will use to your advantage later) you need a PBE. She says, “I just got back from Thailand, they have the most awesome beaches.” You can use a PBE to reply emotively: “Don’t you love going to a place where you have no responsibilities for the next week or two” “Knowing you are on holidays and so far away from home really helps you unwind” “Holidays are the only place you can really think about nothing” “Everything is so cheap when you go Thailand, China or Indonesia, you can just lie back and treat yourself like royalty for only $40” In all these are PBEs, notice that they are non-specific. They are
broad, vague and relate solely to feelings and emotions. We all have experienced nearly every emotion in our lives ranging from fear to anger to guilt, grief and humour. Has everyone experienced Thailand? No. This is sure to improve your vibing when you are in set because not only can people relate to the emotions you are communicating, they also will associate you with the emotions you make them feel. Women think emotionally before they think logically. If you can take them on an “emotional roller coaster” and make them feel a wide variety of feelings when they are with you this will act to build serious rapport with them. Women are attracted to a lot of men, they only sleep with the ones that they are attracted to who make them feel like they have a connection with…or if they are really drunk. Specifics can alienate people, as it is rare that they have had the same experiences as you. Talk in a general sense about experiences rather than facts; you need to relate to women on an emotional level. One article “Femme Fatale” by Joe Garofoli, talks about tests done on male to female communication. It states that during the communication process “Women have an eight-lane superhighway for processing emotion, while men have a small country road.” In other words it has been scientifically proven that women relate to emotive communication better. Making them feel this wide variety of emotions when they are with you, in addition to time bridging (discussed in Rapport), are two key tools you can use to make them feel like they have known you for longer than they really have. PBEs are the key. Let us look at the difference between using a question, a statement (open loop) or a PBE with the “I just got back from Thailand” example mentioned above. A question : “Sounds great, did you buy anything interesting?”, she answers you with “yes, a few T-Shirts” and then the conversation dies. If you ask a specific question you will get a specific answer. An open loop (statement): “Thailand has the best shopping”, you will get answer but it will be one that lulls her into the friend zone as you have failed to take her on the emotional rollercoaster she needs. She might respond with “Yeh I went to a few markets, they were ok”. There’s no emotion or excitement there. You are dwelling on FACTS rather than EMOTIONS. A Personal Broad Experience (PBE): “Thailand’s amazing, I love (PERSONAL) traveling to new countries (BROAD), that feeling of being in a totally foreign place not knowing the culture or the streets makes you feel like a kid again (EXPERIENCE)” It is a statement that is infused with emotion and provokes a response;
“I love” , “that feeling” , “feel like a kid”. The use of analogies (a simile in this case “like a kid”), the use of the second person voice (you, your, etc) probes them to answer and provokes them to relate, and finally the emotional association of her thinking of what it’s like to be a kid again and then pairing you (having instigated the emotion – refer to “Emotional Association”) with that feeling.
Situational Openers An effective situational opener lies in noticing something in your environment and making a witty or even an unexpected comment about it; e.g. When referring to a really tall guy with a short woman “You would need a twister set to make sex work for them”. If you see they are focused on something then concentrate on what they are interested in already. They will be more likely to talk about something if it is on their mind. Let us say you are in a nightclub and she is waving her hand in front of her trying to get rid of some smoke. This is the perfect chance for you to make a witty situational comment to open her. e.g. “If you want to hail a cab you should leave the club”. Here’s an example using the T Hybrid Opener that I used last week when a woman was trying to get rid of some smoke:
Name: Talia Age: 19 Location: Pub
not only does smoke smell bad but it will stick in your clothes all night (situational comment) yeh I know, I hate it what’s worse, kissing a smoker or smelling like smoke yourself? (Opinion opener) smelling like smoke yourself, no one wants to be that person I love being that person (disagree with her to show you do not need to impress), when I’m introduced to people I don’t want to hug I make them pay by giving them a good whiff of Marlboro
ha-ha nice work you know the last time I was somewhere this smoky was at my mates 25th … (go into the canned story) If you are going to comment on something unique about your target ask yourself whether every other man would or has asked about it. This may be a tattoo, strange handbag, weird hair, third eye or anything else about her that she is already aware of. If you had a tattoo of a smurf on your forehead what are the chances that someone would not mention it once they meet you? Nearly zero. You differentiate yourself from others by not taking the obvious route, which would be to talk about the outstanding feature. By doing this you are instantly on more friendly terms, as none of her friends would comment on it as it’s so familiar to them. Try to anticipate someone’s behavior when formulating your situational openers. Not only does it give a few extra seconds to come up with something, you can also interject in what the target is doing to make your approach appear more fluent. For example, a student and I were at the juice shop purchasing my daily juice because juice is always good in a healthy diet. Spending the past hour working on situational opening, Steve was standing there waiting for our juices and explaining to me that opening the brunette with green eyes is impossible in this context. In the midst of all his of cynicism something clicked and as she took her drink he pre-empted that she would go to pick up a straw. He went for it first, dug deep into holder and pulled one out for her saying: never go for the ones at the top, they’re the ones that got sneezed on by that guy over there a few minutes ago He pointed to some random teenager waiting for his Tropicana berry blast. ew that’s so gross thanks for the tip She put the straw in, drank a sip and was ready to leave, Steve’s window of opportunity was closing. you need to be more careful around here, juice bars are killers. You live life on the edge: Watermelon Crush with a twist of sneeze. This is why we could never be together, I can’t deal with that much sneeze in my life at the moment
oh that’s ok, we have things called tissues now tissues? Wait…those things are made for your nose?! No way! You’re cute but I don’t know, I’m not sure whether I can handle someone who’s been using straws from the top of the box their whole life actually this is my first time at this place oh then you haven’t tried the Berry Blast? not yet shit, as of today you are no longer a juice bar virgin. I’ll be gentle. You haven’t had the berry bash or the Citrus Fusion yet? not yet oh you poor underprivileged child, you’re like a turkey with no gobble. Saturday is my “Try a new juice” day and now I’m passing the tradition on to you. Put your number in my phone incase I cant make it otherwise I’ll see you here at 10 She puts her number in Steve’s phone cool which way are you walking? up to Bondi Rd same here, you can walk with us so you don’t look lonely I have my juice does it vibrate?
no
trust me, you’ll be lonely We begin to walk away not waiting for her to follow. Steve’s final line came across in his delivery as needy, we needed to quell her suspicions by leaving as if we did not care whether she came or not. Soe’s Tip: I think Steve’s comments at the beginning of the conversation (i.e. “this is why we could never be together” and “you’re cute but I don’t know”) are too obvious. No matter who or where, if a stranger approaches a woman, she is automatically weary of the fact he might be hitting on her. Even if an 80-year-old toothless man does it, we assume he is flirting; the only reason why we play into it with old men is because they are harmless. Steve’s comments appear needy because they are too early in the conversation and make it seem like he has already pictured the girl and him together, which even if he has, the chick does not want to know... gross. We know exactly what’s going on, you need to surprise us. On the other hand if this sort of comment is near the end / middle of the conversation, it will be funny and put doubt in our minds as to what your intentions are. In reality we really did not care, opportunities for situational and pre-emptive situational openers are prevalent everywhere you can anticipate someone’s next move. Let me give you some more examples to help you get a feel for this. It is important to know, it makes opening easier and does not trigger their defenses. A woman at your local store pays for something with a lot of small change. You could comment “Slow down big spender, I cannot say I’ve ever met someone who’s as fond of coins as you are.” You are at the bank filling out a deposit slip when the woman next to you has her pen die on her. You could open with “It’s the new invisible pen, the bank had to upgrade its security so even you don’t know what your account is” You are walking down the street and the woman walking close to you trips and catches herself before she falls. You could comment “I like your new dance move”. Soe’s Tip: This one is good though as we are all very embarrassed when this happens (especially when an attractive man is walking behind us and we make the effort to walk sexy, which is what makes us fall) it is important to comment with a big warm friendly smile and a pat on the back. Any guy who makes a comment like that in just a sarcastic tone of voice will come off as a prick.
A woman asks you where the bathroom is at a party you’re at, you could point to the sink and say “Right in that corner over there, Jim didn’t have toilets installed because he’s German, they’re very efficient you know.” You are standing at the streetlights waiting to cross as one driver screams and sounds his horn at another for cutting him off. You could comment to the woman next to you “How sexually frustrated do you have to be to get like that?” A woman is walking her dog down the street. You could ask her “What kind of cat is that?” Go to a backpacker bar and offer someone $5 if they’re Australian / American / etc. Say the country’s nationality that you are in already.
Opening Seated Sets The art to opening groups of people sitting down relies on two things: maintaining eye contact and knowing in advance where you are going to sit. As you are getting your opener out continue maintaining eye contact with everyone in the group, pull a seat under you and sit down. This is the same principle as when you are going kino on a girl, the moment you advert to doing it by looking at where you are placing your hand or looking at where you are going to sit you can make the situation awkward, as it does not seem like a natural thing anymore. You need to communicate that you are so comfortable with just sitting down where you want that there is no need to even look at the seating position anymore, it is like second nature to you now.
Forward Merging Forward merging is the process by which you merge one group with another. You may have opened a group of three people (called a 3-set) and find that you want to keep some of the obstacles occupied whilst you isolate the target. You then, mid-set, can open another group in your vicinity and bring them in to your current topic of conversation. An additional benefit of the forward-merge is that it can aid demonstrating that you are a sociable person who is not tied down to one group or one topic of conversation. This will make you seem not only more versatile but less needy and will communicate to your target that you can have fun without their company, a very attractive trait. TIP: Forward merging / opening new sets whilst on a first or second date with your target will demonstrate the same beneficial qualities listed above.
General Tips for Approaching When approaching a group, start by engaging the girl you perceive to be most receptive. This is usually the one people are looking at or the one having the most fun. Gently touch (kino) her arm to get her attention, and proceed with a concise opener (be sure to ground it – i.e. “hey my friends and I are discussing and I was wondering if I could get your opinion on (Opener)”. Now as you run your opener you will notice the rest of the group is giving you suspicious looks. Solution: Run the opener on the Receptive Girl (RG) but before she has a chance to respond break eye contact with her and address the group as whole with the same question (like you are trying to include them in discussion). Before the group has a chance to respond look back to RG for answer/ reaction. By doing this, you are disarming the group (showing them your harmless intent), that you want to include them, and getting them involved and interacting with you. For the next minute you can repeat this sequence, make comment to RG, repeat to group, then point (literally) to a group member you would like to respond to your statement/question. Switch it around, call on different people; spread your eye contact and reaction-opportunities equally throughout the group until you are ready to isolate the target. A huge mistake people make is they decide which opener they will use before finding a girl to use it on. This is like playing soccer with a grenade: you may score but there’s a good chance you will get blown out. Instead you want to assess the girl’s state and then use an opener appropriate to that state. It is worth elaborating that your opener should be matched to your reading of the girl. If you perceive the girl as sexual you will be less successful asking for a quick female opinion on something then you will be with a direct or situational opener. Likewise, if you perceive the girl as timid, she’ll probably shy away from a direct opener while she’ll respond to your request for a quick opinion. Run with what they are focused on. If a woman is looking at capsicums in the grocery store, make your opener about capsicums. If a woman is at a bar and is looking at the cocktail menu, use a cocktail-related opener. If they are focused on it they will be interested in it and your conversation will hook considerably easier. If you’re going to use an opinion, ask something relevant that you care about. I do not like asking who is sexier Spiderman or Superman because I do not care – girls can tell this – they are ultra perceptive. Sure you can practice and rehearse to act like you care but why bother? How is being able to convincingly ask a mundane question a good skill to have? If you are going to use an opinion or open with a question, make it a question you care about. “I was just in Prague and I got this bracelet, do you think it would be wrong to give it to a mate as a gift even though I’ve worn it?” etc.
Direct Openers: These are the openers, which escalate the quickest and require a very strong frame on your part to be effective. If the girl is timid or has not made interested eye contact with you she will not respond positively to your direct opener. At the same time, if she has indicated interest or sexuality, this is the best way to go as an opinion is a de-escalation and a situation is on par with her indicated interest – whereas the direct opener escalates just a little bit and sets the pace you want. Even though these have a higher rejection rate they will get you laid quicker as you get indicators of interest (IOIs) from the targets quicker and you get blown out quicker, therefore spending less time in a set that goes nowhere. Upon approaching, lightly touch her arm and as soon as she looks begin talking. Establish yourself as a touchy-feely guy. Do not give her a chance to rattle off a conditioned response (e.g. Do I know you?), you’re talking and she’s listening. Your body language should be slowed down, don’t make jittery hand gestures, instead move your hands in smooth strokes, and gesture to whom you would like to speak to. Keep your body language open and keep your hands visible in the beginning. Do not smile too much, rather use well placed smiles to let them know they are behaving correctly and alternatively other expressions to suit dissatisfaction. Use an inquisitive half-smile and / or a pause to push them to elaborate and an encouraging whole smile to let them know they did a good job. The easiest way to get people to converse is by rewarding them for contributing. Reward them as much as possible early on about the things they say. e.g. if she says “My name is Eina” you can reply with “that’s a cool name.” If she said “I went shopping today by myself” you could say “It’s great that you do not feel the need for company”. Your voice should be un-rushed, speak at a comfortable pace. If you go into rapid-speak, it comes off as low self-esteem and low value. Avoid asking things that indicate dissatisfaction with yourself i.e. “should I dye my hair blonde?” This shows you are unhappy with the way you live and indecisive about your life. If you insist on going this route a better alternative is “what do you think of guys who dye their hair blonde but who leave the dark roots visible? Do you like being able to see the roots or is it better to go blonde all the way through?” Again though, it’s counter productive and incongruent to ask this if you are not actually considering dying your hair blonde. To make sure you get everyone’s attention you can use the back of your
hand to tap them on their sides just as you start talking. You can also step into their group’s space so you are in an abnormally close proximity to them, in other words get into their space, it will make them feel uncomfortable and they will stop talking. The moment they shut up step back out to a normal talking distance and continue your opener. If you are having problems with this do a workshop or find a wing. Lean back slightly as if you are driving a sports car. It demonstrates that you are laid back and do not need to talk to your target(s); it is very attractive to subtly communicate that you can go have fun elsewhere if need be. Open the leader of the group. This is the person who is usually the most high-energy and always has all eyes on them. If you get the leader on board the rest of your journey will be an easy one. You will find the other obstacles will not turn away and start their own conversations or tell you to get lost.
Direct Openers: The End-Goal The problem with opinion openers is that they are not a long-term solution. In the short term they will help you open, start a conversation but they will usually end the interaction as once your target has given you their opinion they generally wonder why you are hanging around. Approximately 60% of the time you can continue talking to them however the success rate for opening with direct openers is closer to 95% when it comes to maintaining an interaction. The reason direct openers such as “Hey I saw you from over there an I wanted to come talk to you” work is because your delivery and body language has been perfected through your practice of indirect openers. Women are socially and sexually smart creatures. Any guy can rattle off a pickup line but it will not differentiate him from any of the other men. Because it can be easily faked and replicated, women instinctively will not fall for it. Body language though generally cannot be faked as people stand naturally in a way that feels right for them. This may feel right but it is often wrong. With direct openers people are made aware of your intentions and then can focus on the conversation rather than sit there wondering if you actually care whether “Guys lie more than girls” or whether you have darker motives. Making your intentions known from the beginning will quell their suspicions that you are trying to get something out of them in an underhanded way later on and will also take the pressure off you from feeling like you are doing something sleazy. A direct opener does not generally relate to your direct intention to have sex with this person, it is making your intention to get to know them
obvious. “You look interesting, I wanted to come have a chat”, “I saw you from over there and wanted to come say hi” and (in a group situation) “I’m going to borrow your friend for a minute, I’ll give her back in 30 seconds” are all types of direct openers.
The process:
Start by doing 30 opinion openers concentrating solely on having alpha body language (refer to Body Language), using your voice correctly (refer to How to use your voice) and delivery. For the time being do not worry about your conversational skills, these will come later. Ask your opinion opener, wait for a response, continue the conversation if possible, and if not leave and do it again. Now that your delivery has improved you can start with direct openers. Approach side on, leaning back, solid eye contact, a slight smile and say “I saw you from over there and wanted to come say hi”. She will most likely say “ok” or “hi” and then you can ask her a question to get the ball rolling
Conversation Skills Be Prepared to talk about more than one topic. When you talk about a wide variety of topics you spread your risk when it comes to them becoming bored with the one you have chosen to concentrate on. It has been said that women generally are more creative than men. Men generally are said to think through a linear process. One thought logically follows the other and when nothing can logically follow what you just said the conversation dies. Women have the ability to “talk for hours” but when I ask my girlfriend or my mother what they talk about for 2 hours, they say “Nothing really, just talking”. What does this really mean? How can you talk about nothing? Men call this ‘fluff talk’, ‘small talk’ or ‘banter’. We find it painful, it does not seem to serve a purpose for us. We get an idea, want it communicated effectively and efficiently and then our job is done. Women in a social environment have nothing specific to communicate, rather they focus on their emotions and talk about whatever suits their feelings at that given time. If they are anxious they will talk about the “bitch at work”, if they are insecure they will talk about how they are “jealous of their boyfriends female friend” and if they are horny they will talk about what great sex they had a year ago with “Sven the Swedish pastry chef”. This is why artists, musicians, writers and even entrepreneurs can pick up women naturally. Their brain is more closely linked to that of a woman’s
because they are creative. They do not think in a linear fashion like most men, rather their thoughts are freely floating around in their minds ready to be grabbed at any time. These types of men do not follow a logical sequence of conversational events, the moment a new thought pops into their mind they say it regardless of how abstract its association is with the current or past topic. Just because you are not one of these guys does not mean that you lack the ability to be creative in your conversations, as I can assure you these are the same type of conversations you have with your siblings or oldest friends. You do not think, just talk.
What holds you back are your nerves.
Grabs By T
A grab is the term I use to describe when thoughts unrelated to the one you are already talking about pop into your head. You need to work past the idea that one topic needs to relate to or logically follow on from another. You need to grab a thought the moment it comes into you head and work it into your conversation to continually ride the wave of interest. The grab is not so much a process but rather a few lines you can use to fluidly integrate the new topic of conversation into the one you are having, or to end the current topic whilst they are still interested in it. Perhaps the target had a story they wanted to tell you, perhaps they were in the middle of discussing a topic and wanting to reach a conclusion, it does not matter. Ending these topics will cause the other party to be politely frustrated. This is a good frustration, it means that deep down within them they have this urge to finish what they were saying, it makes them want to keep you there longer and keeps them more motivated to talk to you. An example of grab may be saying: “That reminds me of….” “Have you ever…” “The last time I….” “It’s like when you…” Even if the grab insinuates that the two topics are related, their real purpose lies in them being figures of speech; commonly used phrases that are so prevalent within society that the literal meaning no longer is adhered to. I trained my brain to use grabs on people that I am comfortable with so my nerves did not give me a mental blank.
Remember that every PUA will get nervous or anxious when they talk to someone they are unbelievably attracted too, the only reason they are successful is that they learn to manage their emotions. Practicing any PUA tactic on people you are comfortable with first will help it seem more natural when you do it in set. Here is an example:
Name: Vanessa Age: 32 Location: Bus Stop
what did you do today? I went to work then went home to crash out things are busy ey? not really, it’s just this bitch at work keeps loafing on her duties and I end up having to deal with all her responsibilities at the last minute that reminds me of when my brother used to never wash the dishes at home (grab), they could seriously be sitting there for 2 weeks rotting and you know if you clean them up once it will just set the precedent that you will always be the one to do them. It made me so frustrated. My neck would tense, I’d grind my teeth and work myself up so much that I used to get this tightness across my chest (emotive language) my dad is like that, leaves everything to the last minute and only the motivation of my Mum getting angry or some deadline at work will get him off his ass I hate deadlines, they make me so happy not be at school anymore. They’re these intangible dates that give you very tangible stress. Although I have to say I miss that time of not having all my responsibilities scheduled out for me. At least I knew what I was dealing with exactly, at work and even at home its like all this shit that can’t be forecasted or predicted just pops up at the most inopportune times
when it rains it pours (figure of speech) so true, last week I had 20 songs to produce in a week, deal with the landlord…oh he’s such an asshole, yesterday he came over like “You’re two weeks late on rent I’m going to have to kick you out”. I told him he was kind of cute and got him inside to talk about it and made him a drink. Anyhow so just as he was leaving I thought screw this and grabbed his shirt so he was only an inch away from my face… (interrupting just before the story’s climax): you should just save up and buy a place. You realize your rent money is paying for his mortgage anyhow; make it pay for your own. Realize what is happening here in my last comment, I cut her off from finishing her story just as it was getting exciting. Sure I wanted to hear the end of it but she was more eager to tell me about it than I was to listen to it. She volunteered the story to me. I did not ask for it. Even if I was interested in the story’s end I can just ask her about it in 10 minutes time. The point is that she now wants to tell me something. She needs me to stay in the conversation; the tables have turned. Notice how when I used the grabs on Vanessa they barely related to what the previous topic was about. Within 5 minutes of conversation Vanessa and I covered: • Work • Laziness • Anxiety • Family • Deadlines • School • Stress • Work • Landlords • Home owning Ten topics all that are not totally interesting within themselves yet they maintained an interesting conversation when used in close succession to each other. Many modern TV shows are based on the same principles as grabs. Seinfeld and The Simpsons are two of the most successful shows ever made and relied primarily on having multiple storylines in one episode. Each topic automatically brings with it different emotions that both parties feel when they discuss any one of the issues mentioned.
This is important for creating rapport. Making your woman feel a wide variety of emotions when she is with you will make her feel like she knows you better. Creating comfort with her will see her less likely to feel cheap if she sleeps with you. Soe’s Tip: T uses grabs with me all the time. It works because I am naturally less talkative than he is. If you change topics too regularly to bring the focus back onto yourself it appears that you do not give a shit about what we are saying. You are only talking to us to talk about yourself. It will not feel as if you are listening, rather just waiting for your turn to speak. Of course you are interested in what we have to say, and grabs are truly great tools to use, however in T’s conversation with Vanessa I felt it was overused. Definitely use grabs…in moderation.
Fluency Before I mentioned how I never felt canned openers worked for me, they always felt strange. So I thought I would head solo to my local Mecca of hot women (my favorite retail outlet) and try to work on my fluency and general banter skills. What I discovered was that to more easily get to the hook point in a conversation you should ask a question that is already two steps down the line. Take this situation with one of the shop assistants: You can tell how into you she is from signs she shows, called indicators of interest (IOIs). These can be anything positive that she does. This can involve asking you something about yourself, touching you, kissing you or even the way she holds her body language.
Name: Chrissy Age: 18 Location: Retail Outlet
how long have you been working here? about 6 months cool, is it fun?
not really people can be tough ey? Really unfriendly yeh... anyhow, would you like this in a medium? BLOW OUT, not good. Now here’s when I tried it on another attendant asking questions that you usually would only say 15 minutes further into the conversation.
Name: Amanda Age: 25 Location: Retail Outlet
how long have you been working here? 9 months or so ever had one of those people who wear something, break it and then try to return it and “swear on their life” that it never left the bag? I think I see it at least once a week definitely, this woman came in here the other day with a used g-string, which was ripped claiming she bought it like that hang on, is this true or is this something you’ve done and covered up by saying it was someone else...you look like the g-string breaking type ha-ha no I swear, and what’s that supposed to mean, are you saying I like it rough? I’m saying what I said (non-answer), relax, I don’t pick you for the g-string type anyhow
what? Why? (Asking me to jump through her hoops) I can’t talk about g-strings with you, I’m a Buddhist monk with a vow of celibacy. I know you just want to get me talking about it so I’ll be so turned on I’ll have to ask you out ha-ha whatever see this is why we could never work (disqualifier), I genuinely love girls with g-strings but you would be walking round in your grandma panties all day and it would kill the chemistry ha-ha oh my god I so would not, you have no idea what kind of panties I wear men’s jockey Y-fronts...don’t worry; I’m sure it is “purely a comfort thing”, actually...from now on I’m going to call you Y-Front But don’t worry, I wore them once too until I moved onto G-strings so how can I be mad at you *pull out phone* put your number in my phone and I’ll give you a call when I need to get rid of my old panties ha-ha ok, and when will that be (indicator of interest) sometime in 1989 but...what? That’s in the past so are Y-fronts...see you! With this method you can escalate your relationship exponentially quicker than if you were to have a regular conversation. Notice how I talked about experiences rather than asking her questions. Stories and general life predicaments are always good ways to invoke the other party’s response. TIP: Make a rule of never having small talk. Everyone does it particularly at parties with old acquaintances. Asking about work, relationships, the weather and gossiping about whether Stacey has a third nipple are all conversations that are generally boring and will end sooner rather than
later. Quite often stating the obvious (“Let’s not do small talk today”) and then jumping into a big topic (“Tell me, do you think they should bring in the death penalty here?”) can work wonders. As strange as it may seem people nearing the middle or the end of their night need a breath of fresh conversational air away from “So…do you enjoy working as a pharmacist?”
Dendros Theory By T
The Dendros theory was something I came up with years ago for networking and have now applied it to having successful conversations. Dendros theory gives the impression that you understand what the woman has to say and can hold a fluent conversation. Please be aware that this is only to be used when you are finding it difficult to make conversation. The theory is based on the “Dendros” (Greek word for tree) and how it develops in any environment to get the most out of any situation. Picture a tree’s trunk, only a trunk with nothing coming out of it, this is the first part of a conversation. This trunk will let out three or four branches and then each of those branches will let out another three or four etc. Do not talk to chicks about horticulture, this is a metaphor. Imagine you’re having a conversation; the woman will always give you an opportunity (intentional or not) to sink deeper into discussion with you. Your initial opportunity is the trunk of your tree, also referred to as the open loop. This might be “work was hard today”, “I just came back from shopping” or even “I’m good thanks”. When you get a girl who is just incapable of giving you any conversation, use this. Take the miniscule opportunity she gives you (the trunk) and then create a branch, and then another branch and so on. This will always result in a deep and meaningful conversation (and will help with you building comfort). How do you create a branch from something that is a bland topic statement? Think about what she just said to you and practice some situations in your head. Take whatever you can out of her comment and
insert it into a question. e.g. If she says “work was hard today” you could say any one of the following “where do you work, why was it hard, how many hours did you work today, do you work everyday, how long have you worked there”… The opportunities are endless even if they don’t appear to be. She may say “Last night at this nightclub my friends and had the best time dancing”. The options you have from this statement are: 1. Which nightclub 2. Nightclubs in general 3. Which friends 4. Dancing 5. Music 6. Places to go at night You now have the chance to choose which “branches you climb”, in other words pick the options that will best relate to where you want the conversation to go. Ones that are of a positive, fun or sexual nature can guide you in the right direction. To continually maintain someone’s attention you need to constantly jump from topic to topic so you keep the conversation from getting slow or losing energy. Guys love to stick on one topic for too long, they think that if it was good to begin with it will continue to be interesting. What generally happens is that they stay in it for too long and stall out. If you are familiar with the writings of Swinggcat he talks about using open loops instead of asking questions to get her to talk. These are statements you make that cannot help but spark someone’s curiosity and will usually pre-empt them to ask you the questions. Once you ask / find out where she works (e.g. Oxford St) then throw in an open-loop: “I love shopping around there, but everyone seems so pretentious, although I went to the most amazing restaurant there the other day”. 70% of the time they will always reply with “really? What restaurant?”. Now they’re asking you questions and should continue to do so as long as you keep using these interesting comments. Now that she wants to find out things from you, you’re in control. Open loops will help you move her into the conversation more, rather than your interaction taking the form of an interrogation. Let me give you an example of a conversation I had the other day:
Name: Cyndey Age: 29 Location: Street
I just came back from shopping (trunk) really, where did you go? Oxford st (branch)
Here you have the opportunity to effortlessly enter a conversation about anything that remotely has to do with Oxford St. This could be a story demonstrating your higher value about a beneficial aspect of your personality. Examples can include how your friend owns a gallery there, retail outlets you went to, how you think other areas are better, restaurants on Oxford, clubs there, the markets there, furniture stores, etc. they have the most amazing markets there; I picked up these crazy spices there from this Moroccan dude, I used it cooking last night it was amazing. The last time I tasted Moroccan that good was in Morocco did you go to Morocco? (Now the conversation can be about you, but if she doesn’t ask then continue branching); I don’t like that kind of stuff (Branch into what she does like through getting her to tell you through a direct question or subtle statement) you’re crazy if you think a steak with tomato sauce is better than that (Framing her as uncultured. The use of a statement, rather than a question can help to avoid sounding like an interrogator; it’s how friends talk to each other and it can create an assumption of familiarity) shut up, I eat other food; I really like Thai (qualifying herself) ever been to “(insert real or fake restaurant here)”?
no (branch) you’re not a Thai fan until you’ve eaten at “___________”, I have to take you there. Put your number in my phone and I will give a call next time I am heading down that way (Perfect excuse to ask her out, if the restaurant is fake say they closed down last week and take her to another)
Worst case scenario you go interrogation style and just ask questions that are RELATED to the thing she said before e.g. “oh well what do you like then?” Her: ___________ You: I’m told that’s really awesome, know of any good places? Her: __________ You: can’t say I’ve been there, but I went to one down the road, etc story tell etc This forces people into conversation and once you do it 5-10 times you can shape the conversation to your advantage through what branches you choose to climb. Keep in mind that if the topic you’re on is boring or is not getting the woman excited then change. Usually subjects dealing with relationships or the unknown are sure things. If you continue on with a boring conversation the woman will feel bored whilst in your company. When she looks back on your time together or thinks of you she will immediately associate you with how you make her feel bored. You can start a new topic by simply inserting another opinion opener in, or even by practicing your open loops.
Dendros Networking Theory This is the same principle, just with relationships. I made all my friends from one girl I met as a kid. She introduced me to one person, they introduced me to three more, and then they introduced me to another three… The key is to keep branching out. Once you have a number, ask that person to come out with you and to bring some of their friends. Get their numbers. Rinse and repeat.
From the initial number you will have branched out and made many more friends, and because you have branched out from a common friend there will always be familiarity in whatever group you go out with. Think of it like Facebook, but in real life.
Disagreeing with them to Demonstrate Value I was using this theory on a woman called Elli and was surprised that it saw the conversation end on a mattress. Within the Dendros theory she would make fairly opinionated comments with the intention of intimidating me and appearing very confident. She was an entertainer and was talking about her job and the music industry. Her: songs definitely need to come from the heart, the lyrics meaning is key to entertaining T: I think that when you hear live music it hits you more. I can listen to an album and not feel it as much as seeing a band. Lyrics are important but don’t you think stage presence has a lot to do with it? The beauty of questions like this is that they will look like an idiot if they said something like “no, stage presence is not important”, then you can tease them about it. They will always say “yes” and hence succumb to your frame.
Disagree to Keep it Interesting: By T
The key is to challenge them without arguing; rather listen to what they say and then ask a question that is the INVERSE of what they are saying. Let them know that you will not take on their views just because they tell you it is the right or wrong way to do things. Too many times guys keep agreeing with women because they are intimidated. This is submissive behavior, and you need to make sure you don’t display it. These girls are rarely challenged and disagreed with and when you show them you do not care about unconditionally accommodating their perspectives they will respect you more. Additionally it challenges them; it makes them qualify themselves to you when you probe them about certain views. No average man challenges a woman who looks like Jessica Alba, they are scared they will offend the girl and lose them. However after a woman has encountered man after man after man who does not challenge her, she will get bored and complacent. That is where you come in.
Emotive Avenues As a general rule, always follow the emotive avenues / threads / opportunities of a conversation. Different people call it different things but ultimately a conversation will provide you with a variety of options. Try to go with the one that is the most emotionally involved. If you cannot think of which topic will provide the most emotion use a PBE (as discussed earlier). Some seduction companies use “following emotional topics” as the sole basis for their workshops just to emphasize how important this is. This is by far the most important thing you will ever learn about building rapport and keeping conversations interesting, so put a bookmark here so you can come back to it later. The rationale behind Emotive Avenues was mentioned earlier in “Push / Pull” and is referred to as the emotional rollercoaster. Men who fail to communicate emotively are either considered boring or as friends by the women they are trying to seduce. They fail to communicate to them on a level that sparks interest. Speaking emotively is just as important as water is to a pool. You can have the pool but if you fail to fill it with water there was no point hopping in to begin with, it’s boring. If you fill it half up with water you can have some fun but if you continue to fill it to the brim you can do anything from deep-diving to backstroke to peeing in the deep end. The more emotion you fill her with the more options you have. If you want to go swimming you need to have the water their first. Let’s look at an example: You’re in a bar, you just ordered a drink and you begin talking with Libby, a Radiologist who works across the road. She asks you how your day was. You have the following options to choose from:
OPTION 1
You: It was good thanks Her: Oh, that’s good….goodbye
OPTION 2
You: Pretty long Her: Yeah, I know the feeling…goodbye.
OPTION 3
You: Same old stuff Her: Cool….
OPTION 4
You: Really good Her: Cool, why is that? You: Um…I’m not sure, I guess it’s because I got off early Her: Do you usually ‘get off’ early You: Wait…no, I didn’t mean it like that…shit Her: Bye
OPTION 5
You: Amazing, you know when you just wake up in the morning and feel the need to get shit done? I felt like that today and it’s so rare for me because I usually find work just draaaaaaagggggsss onnnnnnnnnn and onnnnnnnnn Her: I haven’t had that feeling for ages, maybe it’s because I dread going to work You: There’s nothing worse than not loving your job, you just feel so complacent with your pay check after a while, it’s motivation until you spend it within two days of cashing it. Her: I’m terrible with saving, I know the feeling Obviously the last option would be the most successful. You:
Gave a non-standard answer “Amazing”
used engaging terms you, I, feel, felt
elongated your words for emphasis draaaaaaaaagggggggs onnnnnnn
were broad
There’s nothing worse than not loving your job
used emotive words
dread, loving , complacent, motivation
followed the emotive avenues
dreading work > lack of motivation
The result?
She was emotionally engaged, saw you as interesting and you laid the foundations for attraction. This is a sure thing and is one of the most important techniques in this book. Use it.
How to talk to a group: There are three key things you need to remember when maintaining the interest of a group of more than two people: eye contact, enthusiasm and gesticulations (this is nothing to do with genitalia). Do not be afraid to move around or be overly animated. Even though at times you might feel like a circus monkey, it is better to be over-animated than deadpan. Your eyes should engage everyone other than the obstacles (usually male competition). There is no need to make them feel included. Having said that, a male in the group might pose a threat even if he is not a natural with women. In this instance you can move to include them in the conversation as it will win them over. Making them feel included can often lead these average guys to like you as they rarely get acceptance in other areas of their life. Make sure to be enthusiastic. The way not to make a total fool of yourself is to gauge the energy level of the set you are in and then to be slightly more enthusiastic than everyone else. If you go in with less energy you can be seen as a drain on the group’s energy level. Too much and you come across as a bit crazy. Enthusiasm is shown through your facial expressions, gestures and voice tones. Experiment with these when you are in sets as the only real way to know what level of enthusiasm you should have is by trial and error. Soon you will get what we call a “social instinct”; this is the gut feeling you have when you know that you should do one thing and not another. As mentioned earlier this is the same feeling you get when you know you can’t say “Fuck” in front of your grandmother. You tried it once in your younger days, got reprimanded and then developed this gut feeling that now always tells you what is acceptable. This is the same process by which you can choose to help shape you into a socially savvy seducer. Tip: if you are at the same energy as you environment (e.g. laid back at a book store or highly animated at a nightclub) you will be perceived as looking comfortable and suited to any environment you happen to be in.
Sexual Innuendo You need to communicate to your woman that you are a sexual being. It is a skill to communicate this without being received as either perverse or interested in the woman. You need to be able to insert sexual innuendo into your sentences and humour but it needs not pertain directly to what you will do to her. An innuendo is a remark or gesture that usually carries with it an indication of impropriety. In other words, it’s saying one thing, but meaning something that might be a bit rude if you said it outright. An example may be:
Name: Kylie Age: 20 Location: Cushion Room
then all the guys grabbed me and threw me straight into the pool, it was so embarrassing I had to walk around soaked for the rest of the night so I guess all it takes is a few men throwing you around to make you wet, don’t worry you’re not alone, I feel the same way
Notice how this is completely different to if I said:
“So I guess when guys throw you around it gets you physically turned on so much that you want to have sex. That’s ok because I get turned on by being handled by men as well” This is what innuendo is all about, you suggest that what you said could be taken in another context but you don’t ever make it as blatantly obvious as the passage above. Ever. The effect is that you direct your woman’s mind towards the idea of sex whilst in your presence and consequently she will associate you with sex in her mind. This is reiterating my point earlier that people will label you with the feelings you instill in them during your interactions. It is easy to get away without seeming rude if you say it playfully (refer to “How to be Playful”).
Items of Interest During Set
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items of interest during set
Teasing without offending I find the hardest thing pickup artists find the most difficult to grasp (assuming they have started their approaching already) is teasing women in a non-offensive way. Why is important? Push / pull is on of the most essential technique for creating attraction. Teasing not only acts an effective push but can be used demonstrate one of the four essential elements for any good seduction: playfulness. In the early days of my pickup career I would tease people in a way I believed was playful but in reality I can across as rude and arrogant. One and a half years later I realized that is a sticking-point that needs to be dealt with from the outset of your social journey. I’ve been working on a step by step theory that will provide you with a basic outline for teasing effectively. Once you get the hang of it after 5 interactions or so, you will be able to push the envelope considerably further than you once thought provided that you deliver it in a playful fashion (refer to How to Be Playful). Firstly you need to make an standard observation about the target. When I say “Standard” i mean something that most people would think of on first glance, preferably something that isn’t negative .the fact that you’re teasing early on in the interaction can sometimes find you insulting them and as a result their mind will close to the humour to come. The first time I tried this process I picked up Stephania, a 23 year old sultry brunette who I found extremely enticing. She was about 6”2 and with her brother. She wore a black strapless one-piece dress supported by her small frame and complimented by some arty square-shaped glasses. The first thought that came to mind was: she’s a designer. The second part of the process is coming up with an assumption that is not general or obvious but rather left of center, kooky or even mildly insulting. As I mentioned earlier the aim is not to insult them, your delivery is what will help you out, a sarcastic tone for the second assumption can be helpful. Because she was wearing all black, had dark eye-liner and dark hair I thought she could be a likened to: • a ninja • Morticia from the Adams family • a SWAT sniper • a funeral director • a gothic rocker
I decided to go with ninja as it was the first thing that came to mind and I honesty could not be bothered standing there working out which was better, ultimately it doesn’t matter as long as you stick to the following: 1) Make a general assumption (she’s in design) 2) Make a non-standard assumption about her (she’s can be a likened to a ninja) 3) then link the two (under all those stylish clothes I bet there’s a _______ waiting to be set free)
Name: Stephania Age: 27 Location: Nightlclub
This is how it went down: I’m going to take a guess and say you’re in design (general assumption) No I’m a solicitor, why did you say design? You’re in all black with the square glasses. You may be a solicitor but deep down (link), by the looks of you, you’re trying to release your inner ninja (non-standard assumption). Ha-ha I’ve always had a thing for ninjas that’s cool (reward) not many girls can appreciate poorly dubbed Jackie Chan movies Oh no not a fan of Jackie Chan Oh see this will never work (push), you’re stylish (Pull) but that won’t save you from disliking the Chan
Really? So who are you to say that we’ll never work (need for validation). I’m Jackie Chan (playful). You don’t look Asian enough (shit-test) Really? So who are you to say that I’m not Asian enough? (challenge her with her own test). I’m half-Thai so I think I’d know The lower half?
Oh my God that’s such an old joke, its pathetic (shit test). And yes the lower half (still jumping through the hoops) Ah that’s a shame, I don’t eat Thai (sexual innuendo) past *checked my watch* 11:32pm (creating a playful barrier) Well if you’re lucky they’ll have a second dinner sitting some time in the future I don’t eat in the future, I eat in the present, and as hard as half-Thai is come across this time of night it appears a lot of Australian is on the menu
*I pointed to a perfect 10 across the room, the perfect 10 saw me and the Stephania looking at her, i used the social proof of Stephania to be playful with the 10 to then use her social proof to make Stephania jealous. I poked out my tongue at the 10, she laughed, reciprocated and turned back to her friends* Do you know her? (taking the bait) I guess you could call her a...friend (jealously cue)
Oh...so you expect me to be the next one of your special “friends”? (She wants me to say no and convince her I’m not going to use her and throw her away. If I do this I will look like a beta male. If I don’t I will look like a player, tough situation, this calls for mixed messages) I expect you to be what you are What’s that meant to mean? When you figure it out let me know, I’m going to speak to my “friends”
*I walked back to my client and we talked about what happened, Stephania came back up and interrupted my conversation* Let’s not play games, I’ve got my brother minding a seat over there but we’re leaving to go to Opera Bar soon if you want to come (this
was a problem, firstly the last time I went to opera bar some guy approached me mid-set and started talking about his new ideas on approaching and picking up women....my target wasn’t too happy, in fact she bailed. Secondly I didn’t want her to be leading me despite really wanting an easy venue change but I was waiting for another instructor and couldn’t leave, it would have to be a number close) I’ll see you there in 3 hours or so, I told Chantelle (pointing to the perfect 10 across the room who saw me pointing and gave me a real greasy look, I thought “fuck! I pushed it too far with the non-existent social proof”) that I would meet her after. Put your number in my phone and I’ll give you a call when I need a ninja. I know what’s in them, they’re filled with... No no no! don’t ruin it for me, you can tell me on Wednesday evening. A mate’s band is playing at the basement at 8pm. What’s your name Stephania.
Already got a Stephania in my phone (social proof), I’m saving you as “Ninja Bitch” (I always grab an individual nickname from the target before I number close, this way when I call all I have to say is “Ninja Bitch!” and they automatically know who it is. It’s easier than “I’m T, the guy from the Establishment...you know with the brown jacket...”). Ok, wait, what’s you’re name (indicator of interest) We’ll do the names thing later (tease as well as making her believe that she has already agreed to see me later) 8pm Wed? But I only finish work at 8 Guess you’ll be late then
The rest was history. The more you practice the more available different assumptions will start to become in your mind.
The truth game You and the target will alternate in asking each other a question where you both have to answer totally honestly. It helps if you quantify your question as it makes the answer seem more tangible and manageable. e.g. “What are the top 3 things that piss you off?” or “when was the first time you had sexual feelings for someone?” Instead of acting all deep and meaningful about the answer, playfully tease them about it. You can ask sexual questions and use it as a way to escalate, however it is better to start off with fairly mundane questions and then gradually progress to the sexual ones. Here is the end half of an interaction I had with a waitress named Jeanette:
Name: Jeanette Age: 22 Location: House Party
when was the first time you felt sexual feelings for someone?
when I was 12 this guy Gerald was on my swim team that’s cute….you pedophile. I have a 12 year old nephew who loves to swim, I’ll have to keep an eye on you two! ha-ha I was 12 too so it was perfectly alright tell it to the judge honey The game gives you a fun excuse to poke fun at her without it seeming totally inappropriate.
Peacocking The name comes from a theory developed by Charles Darwin, which suggested that peacocks feathers had evolved purely to into an object that was designed to arouse sexual interest from female peacocks. Pick up artist Mystery expands on this to say that when you go out you should wear some items of interest such as a cowboy hat, strange necklace, gold shoes or a crazy hat. In reality the list is endless as long as what you wear is different and gets the attention of women. Good peacocking demonstrates a few things… Firstly, it is an attractive quality to be able to go into a situation looking slightly ridiculous but not caring and still having fun. It is an attractive quality to be easy going and have fun with something that would not usually be there. Secondly, they are great for conversation. Your interactions will often begin by a woman approaching you and asking about your item. If the conversation begins to die the woman will usually bring attention to your item in an attempt to keep it going. Quite often a peacocking device can be the difference between them staying or going. Thirdly, it makes you appear different. Currently we live in the world of the metro sexual that, when he hits the town, looks like a million bucks every time. Sure you too can dress trendy, and I hope you do, but you are kidding yourself if you think that nice fashion sense has the same effect now as it did 10 years ago. You need to compete with them by having something so outrageous and so different that there is near to no chance anyone else would have that in a club.
Linking peacocking to your story By T
I’ve found that your peacocking item can spark seamless progressions into story telling. The fact that she will ask you about “that crazy flashing necklace” means she is interested in talking to you. The best thing to do is to have a pre-memorized story relating to your peacocking item that portrays you in a good light. One I regularly use revolves around how you found your item in your exgirlfriends car when you two were hanging out the other day. Woman: where did you find that weird eye patch? You: strange story actually, my ex drove me home last night from a party of an old friend. Anyhow, she’s a small time DJ and wanted me to hear her new mixes, so as I was looking through the glove compartment I found this ____________. It was great entertainment whilst she rattled on about how she’s the only blonde female DJ in Sydney and how everyone is “so into her”. Apparently it belonged to the previous owner etc… In the story you portrayed yourself in the following positive regards: • you go to parties • you’re on good terms with your ex • going back to hers (most likely as a booty call) • she’s blonde and a DJ • you do not fall for that superficiality, it bores you • your spontaneous and can find interest in most mundane situations This is just one example but you can use it with any peacocking device “I found it in my ex’s car” can work wonders. Try to incorporate positive qualities about yourself into the story to communicate your good qualities to her.
The Guessing Game Stuck for what to say? This gambit is a great conversation starter, is perfect for being playful, and can always get a laugh. All you need to do is take a guess as to what they do. e.g. “Let me guess, you’re an accountant?” This works well to avoid small talk and keep the flow going when you are stuck for something to say. The trick to this is that you should always try to pick something unflattering to their looks which is not too obscure. For instance, you approach two girls one of which is wearing a black conservative dress. You could comment “I’m going to say you’re either a
funeral home director or a designer”. A woman who is always smiling could be in sales for instance as they always appear happy to talk to you then try to sell you something. This is one of the easiest and best gambits in this book as it always gets a response due to people’s narcissism; everyone is always interested in why you would stereotype them in such a way, especially as most people try to dress to an image they wish to aspire to. The second part of the gambit begins when they tell you what they really do. This gives you the chance to tease them and be playful whilst also providing ample discussion material if you need it later on. The conversation may also evolve into the target asking why you thought she was a zoo keeper / fisherman / bank teller, which will also take the pressure off you to continually move along the conversation. I approached a woman wearing a green dress with a leafy print on it in a New York nightclub recently:
Name: Unknown (green dress) Age: Unknown (approx. 25) Location: Nightclub
Let me guess, you’re a…(look her up and down as if you’re thinking) environmental lawyer (gambit). Ha-ha not quite, I’m a bank teller Shit! You’re probably going to charge me a fee to talk to you, to sit down, and even to leave (playful). Exactly! You’d better watch out! Why did you think I was an environmental lawyer? (show of interest number 1) Your dress was a dead giveaway, stylish but down enough to earth enough to hug a plant (tease). Very funny Mr., so what do you do? (show of interest number 2)
I’m a drug dealer (playful). I’d offer you some heroin but….show me your arms
*She lifts up her sleeve to reveal a coffee-coloured arm in mint condition* see, heaps of track-marks, no more shooting up for you tonight (push). You’re too good value for me to let you overdose (pull). I won’t recount the conversation in its entirety but you can see how the Guessing Gambit can be an effortless crowd-pleaser.
The Role-Play Process A figure of speech in which two essentially unlike things are compared, often in a phrase introduced by like or as, for example one may say “You are acting like a police officer” or “She ran like a cheetah”. Similes are great tools to use to transition from normal conversations into playful roleplays. Why would you want a role-play? There are many reasons why this works but the most pertinent is that a role-play allows the parties to let go. It is a way to take the responsibility off people for their actions because they feel as if they can blame the character they were impersonating rather than their own actions. This is why dress-up parties always see people score more. Themes like pimps n’ hoes allow men and women to be bolder in their actions as their figurative character will bare the brunt of the consequences, not the person themselves. The process to get to into an effective role-play is the following: 1. In response to something she has said or done, make a statement (simile) that likens her to whatever you want her to be. Her: I love kids, they are always so happy, etc You: you’re like the kindergarten teacher I never had 2. After you have made the simile you will make a secondary comment that will insinuate that you have now donned a role related to her persona. So after making the kindergarten teacher comment you would follow it with: You: but you probably wouldn’t let me eat ice cream before bed Usually this is all it takes to get them involved, they will take the bait and respond now in character:
Her: oh, if you are a good boy and brush your teeth after I’m sure we can make an exception 3. Do not bother doing a role-play unless you use your newfound character to push the boundaries of sexual innuendo and appropriateness. This is a great way to flirt and communicate your interest whilst still being able to revert back to your normal self and make out like it was just a joke if she fails to reciprocate. Keep in mind she is less likely to reject your advances within a role-play, as it is now more acceptable in her mind to act out. You: and what if I was a bad boy? Her: I guess I’d have to punish you You: what did you have in mind Her: perhaps a ruler or a belt You: that’s kinky, I was thinking more along the lines of chocolate sauce and handcuffs Her: We’ll have to see You: Why? You don’t have handcuffs? This is a very standard role-play progression; I would be surprised if a roleplay did not go down this line. It is fun, easy and you cannot lose. You can continue the role-play into other escalations e.g. You: I just did a finger painting Miss Teacher. Come, I’ll show it to you
Now you can take her hand and isolate her to a place perfect for a kiss close (page 131).
Making Social Norms Obvious In sociology a social norm is a pattern of behavior expected within a particular society in a given situation. The shared belief of what is normal and acceptable shapes and enforces the actions of people in a society. The very fact that others in one’s society follow the norm gives the individual a reason to follow it. Examples of these nuances can be: • Waiting three days before you call a girl after getting her number
• Asking someone how they are and getting the reply of “Good, you?” • Washing your hands after you push yellow and wiping your feet before you enter a house • These share the same foundations of what pre-emptive situational openers rely on; you know everyone will adhere to these social customs, so why not have fun with them. The key does not lie in not abiding them; you then come across as rude. Instead you comment upon something that is taken for granted and either: Make the girls aware that you know how society operates and like to play with it, let the girls know that you are aware of them, showing you are socially savvy. Getting the girl to role play with you what it would be like if you did not conform to these norms. Playing on how ridiculous a certain norm is and exaggerating the effects of what would happen to the world if people acted otherwise. Quite often these serve a variety of purposes outside of being socially savvy. You can come across as differentiated, funny, laid back or naked.
Anti-Norms By T
Recognizing a social norm and putting it into a format that you can easily manipulate is called an anti-norm. A structure that on first glance appears like you are conforming to the norm but then completely overturns it. When beta males ask for phone numbers they often say Beta male: can I have your number, maybe we can go for coffee sometime Unattracted female: um…I guess Beta male: great, I’ll call you at 8pm on Tuesday. Unattracted female: great Tuesday – 8pm Beta male: *ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring* answering machine *hang-up*
He thinks to himself that she is in the shower or perhaps he said Thursday instead and did not realize. Thursday – 8pm Beta male: *ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring**ring* answering machine Hey Tania, It’s Jim, the guy from the other night at Hugo’s. I tried calling you a
few times, you must be pretty busy, aren’t we all *wanker laugh*, give me a call back and we can meet…so…call me back and we’ll tear up the town snoop dogg style. Speak to you later.
Girls get this happen to them all the time, hot girls who give their number out get this every week. It is fertile ground for social norms to grow. This is just one example I use when I feel a girl either suspects me of picking her up or I feel that I have not created enough attraction and I think she might flake: put your number in my phone and I’ll call you when I need someone to bail me out of jail / am drunk and lonely / want a free meal / want a lullaby / am eating Chinese food / want a shopping partner / discover the meaning of life / work out what goes into Chicken McNuggets It is funny, socially savvy and helps you fly under the radar: it is pure gold. Furthermore you de-emphasise how much importance you place on her and getting her number. So many men fuck up their number closes by acting so grateful once they have a woman’s contact details. Women give their numbers out to every Tom, Dick and Sanjiv that they pity or who ask for it in a way that they cannot say no. Victory does not lie in the phone number, it lies in the lay.
The less importance you place upon her number the less needy you come across. Beta males always try to play it safe. Men are logical; we think that if we act nice and play the game by the rules we won’t be taking any risks and if there’s no risk we won’t lose the girl. If you don’t take risks you are boring. Women don’t like boring men. Take a risk by not being boring when you get her number.
The Cube and Cold Reading The cube is one of the most common gambits used to demonstrate a higher value to women. It is something fun and different that always interests people. It is basically a form of cold reading and lets you “read” a girl’s personality and tell her “crazy things” about herself that only someone close to her would know. This is incredibly successful; after it is done the woman feels that you know their inner workings even better than they do and this is a huge comfort builder.
The Seven Powers of the Cube By Daniel Johnson (Pickup 101) aka Organic
So, what is the purpose of the Cube? And why do women consistently react so well to it? Basically, what can the cube do for you? Well, the Cube will have many effects on your seduction…. • Avoid Boredom • Hook Her • Demonstrate Value and Personality • Build a Connection • Qualify Her • Learn About Her • Leave Her Wanting More So, this is how I do the Cube. You can structure it how you like, and find what works best for you. “Have you ever done the cube?... Ok… I’ll ask you a set of questions, and when I’m done I’ll know everything about you. Are you ready? Do you have a good imagination? …Good.” (The idea here is not to explain it, but just to get her hooked.) “Now, imagine in front of you a landscape” (I’ll usually gesture with my hand for them to imagine it in front of them). “And in the landscape there is a cube. Notice what size is it, what color is it? What is it made of? Where is it?” “Ok, next you see a ladder. Notice, where is it in relation to the cube? What is it made of? What size is it?” “Next there are flowers. Where are they? How many? What do they look like? What color are they?” “Next, there is a horse. What does it look like? Where is it? What is it doing?” “And, last there is a storm. Where is it? What is it doing? What does it look like?” When she has visualized the entire image, then you can tell her the meanings. They are: Cube = Your Self Ladder = Your Aspirations Flowers = Your Friends Horse = Your Ideal Lover
Storm = Your Challenges and Problems Now, the routine I use doesn’t follow the original book, and you shouldn’t either. Do what feels best for you. You can use a desert or a movie theater instead of a landscape. You can introduce it by saying “I’ll know more about you than even your best friends know.” Or “have you ever been cubed?”; you can have her close her eyes, or draw it out. Some people may also use different meanings. (Ladder = family, or coworkers, etc…) It’s all fine. Just remember, you want to talk about things that will invoke the proper emotions in her, so avoid talking about things like children or enemies, etc… So, it is one thing to know the rules of the Cube. It’s one thing to know the meanings, and the images. But, the question remains: “What do I do? Just make stuff up?” Well, what DO you say? There are plenty of resources that will offer you exact interpretations. But, these really shouldn’t be necessary. Remember, the point isn’t to “do it right.” The key is in giving your own interpretation, and this interpretation can be developed from your own mind, not from what a book tells you. However, if you are curious about suggested meanings, you can read the original book or check out this link: www.stoneclave.com/tavern/cube/ cube1.asp Ok, since you’re not going to follow the memorized meanings what do you say? Well, here are some suggestions. • You can be vague and use generalities – just talk about women in general, and this will still have a powerful effect because she will relate to it. And, she will realize that you understand people, you understand women, and you understand her. Example: Your cube is _________. You are a very sensitive person. You are probably a very good judge of character and you can tune into those times when people just want something from you. While other times you can really feel when a person is being sincere with you. (This describes any socially aware woman.) • You can ask clarifying questions. Ask her, and she might tell you exactly what something means, doing your job for you. Ask her how she feels about the objects, or ask how they relate to each other.
Example:
Her: “My horse is leaning against the cube.” You: “Really? Why is it leaning against the cube?” Her: “Well, it’s just not strong enough.” You: “Oh, I see. It seems like the men in your life haven’t been strong enough. You need a man who’s eyes you can look into, who you can
listen to and who you know is strong… etc… etc...” • When you find aspects of the interpretation that really fit her, go into greater detail. Tell stories from your life that relate to her, or give her examples of how she might experience it in her life. Example: “You are a very creative person, but you’re not at a point in your life right now where you are really using your creative abilities. It reminds me of how I felt a couple of years ago. I was working in this job that just wasn’t creative, and I…. Etc…” • Use things that you already know about her.
Example:
I met two girls the other night. One was bouncing around dancing, and the other (the one I liked) was standing calmer. Later, I ran the cube on her, and she said that her cube was blue. I said “A blue cube means that you are often calm and relaxed. And, sometimes your friends even come to you just to absorb your calm energy when their lives are more hectic.” Of course, she loved it. • And… you can…. use your… intuition. Yep. Go for it. Be like the enlightened master who has become one with his weapon and allow the force to flow through you. You might not only surprise her, but yourself too. • Keep your statements positive. In general, you want to phrase everything as a positive statement. If you really want to tell a woman that she has low self-esteem and that her life is out of control and hopeless, go ahead. But don’t come asking me why she was suddenly turned off and depressed! It may take some creativity to keep things positive, but it can be done. I’ll give you an example. If she says she doesn’t like the cube and she doesn’t think it belongs in the scene, you might be thinking “oh crap, she hates herself?” No. You can tell her “well, when people see you they often want you to fit you into a category with defined boundaries and hard edges, but that’s not who you are. You are independent and when you find yourself being put into a box, you know that it’s not where you belong.” • One trick for keeping the interpretation positive is to interpret her ideal as being the opposite of what she describes. For example: a weak and sickly horse means that she has had too many weak men in her life, and she really needs one that is strong and healthy. • Take advantage of the horse. It is a great time to demonstrate that you know what women want. If her horse isn’t ideal, then tell her it is an image of what she has been attracted to in the past, and what she really wants is
actually the opposite. As you describe her ideal man, and get her thinking about it. Look into her eyes and take on that character as yourself. She will naturally start to see you as that man. • Burst the tension now and then with a little cocky and playful comment. By making a joke or teasing her, you will keep it fun and keep her interested. Just be careful because she may be in a very vulnerable state to be sharing with you, so don’t over do it. An example: “The Cube means that… (Pause) … You want my body (Smile).” • Start the interpretation with a bold (but irrefutable) statement about who she is and where she is in her life. This can be powerful and will demonstrate your authority and understanding. • Use all of the little parts to get a bigger picture of her. Try to get a broad sense of who she is as a person, and then you can use that understanding to lead your interpretation. • Lead her into emotional states. Using descriptive language, you can get her thinking and feeling on a deeper level. One way to do this is to take a general statement like “you are adventurous.” And then go on to describe what it’s like to be adventurous and how it feels. “You are adventurous. You know, like when you are in the middle of an adventure you really feel alive. As the excitement builds, you become focused on what you’re doing, and you get totally wrapped up in what is happening…etc.” • Share with her, and get into the state yourself. If you get into a vulnerable state and reveal things to her, she will follow your lead. As part of this you may want to relate stories that are meaningful to you. • Share your own Cube. Do the cube on yourself and be ready to share your answers with her if she asks. • When getting started, it may help to memorize a few ideas that you can use every time. For example, you can always talk about women’s intuition, or how she wants a strong confident man. As you do the cube more and more, you will begin to develop your own interpretations that always get good responses, and you can have these in store for every time you use the cube. • Work with her, and go with what she says. You can use everything that she gives you, no matter what she says. If she says that the horse has a great cock, tell her that her ideal lover will be a great fuck. Go with it. • Set the mood so that she feels good sharing. There is no need to rush the cube or feel awkward in anyway. Use your calm trust building tonality, and keep her feeling comfortable.
• Find commonalities and develop your connection with her. Since you are learning about each other, this is a great time to find out what you have in common. • Don’t fall into the trap of being the entertainer. Don’t proceed to cube all of her friends, and her little sister. You’re not her novelty psychic friend. • Practice to get better. The more you do it, the better you will get, because you will find that many responses are very common. Cube your friends, your mom, your mailman, whoever… • Tell her that her cube is unique, and you can even say “well, usually, that would mean this… but with you, I think it’s a little different.” or… “wow, that’s such an interesting image.” Then, she will really feel special, and she will think that you are giving her a very special gift. • Don’t reveal everything. Leave parts out, or hint that there is something more. Always leave her wanting more. Do all this, and you will know why the Cube is our secret weapon. You will discover its power and find yourself using it on every girl you meet.
Truism Mastery By T
A truism is a comment that appears to be a prediction about someone’s personality but really is something common to everyone. Truisms can often take the form of a compliment, as you will find people will always agree with you when you tell them positive things about themselves even when they are not true. The only time you can get away with telling a negative about them is when you know that it applies to everyone. You will need to be vague, words like “sort of”, “fairly” and “kind of” are great as you avoid them feeling stereotyped. An example might be “You’re fairly confident, a lot of people like to be around you because you’re fun and up beat and they probably do not realize that you feel insecure about yourself sometimes”. If they disagree you just question them on it by saying “are you seriously telling me that you don’t have even one insecurity about yourself or never felt awkward when you were out once?” They have to agree, if they do not they just look arrogant. Tell them things that they hate by picking certain occurrences that everyone everywhere hates. e.g. “You hate having to make decisions as you know by choosing one
option you will never get to experience the other”. You can also seem more believable by rationalizing your comments. Let us take the latter comment and turn it into a positive purely by rationalizing it: “You love making decisions as it gives you a sense of power and control”. Remember that you need to be telling them what they are like instead of seeming only half-confident about it.
The Handshake A customized handshake can build amazing comfort with your lady and speed up seductions. This comprises you inventing a special handshake with the woman and using it every time you see her (especially in front of her friends) and particularly in front of her boyfriend or other naturals. It is a perfect tool for covertly diffusing a boyfriend. You demonstrate a playfulness most long-term relationships lack and will make her man jealous, which is definitely an unattractive quality in anyone’s eyes. A recent example was a cute law student living with her French boyfriend of five years who compensated for his insecurities by being hostile. I took the handshake from top-gun (the windmill: where you give a high-five and then swing it down for a low five in one circular motion) and coupled it with a ridiculous leg shake (where you both lift your right leg, grab each other’s ankle and shake it). In this situation the natural (Greg) called the shake “gay” and then attempted to do it to me and his now ex-girlfriend at the same time. Half way through doing the special shake with him I stopped, looked at him and playfully said “nah I guess it’s just not in you mate”. The aim is to make him awkward or alienated and should be used when another guy is giving you a hard time. He will either: 1) Validate himself and ask to try again, in which you will say “another time chief” Or 2) Call it gay or stupid, in which you can say to the woman “is he always this uptight over a handshake? If I mention genocide will he have five consecutive heart attacks? Is he that sensitive?” Either way you win, and if he plays it cool he will still demonstrate lower values as he is failing to be the superior male and mark his territory. When done with a girl you do not really know, as in this situation, it is more
powerful than a private joke as it is a public demonstration of rapport that cannot be shared. To do something that silly in front of other girls and namely a natural, is an attractive quality as it shows you have the confidence to pull these antics off. This technique is like shampoo: apply and repeat...always REPEAT. Be reminded that this tactic is designed for situations where you will see each other regularly e.g. university / work / friend’s houses. The end result is this: the boyfriend will get uptight or jealous and appear weak. Conveniently it just so happens that you are there: the smooth calm laid back option for her to fall back on. If, whilst you are on a date you feel she is having relationship issues with her boyfriend at the time or she happens to tell you about him try to emulate all the positive qualities that counter his negative ones that she is telling you. You can also take her out on an unusual date and create your own kind of fantasy land. I took this girl to the zoo in the middle of the working day and proceeded to do care-free things (totally opposite to her boyfriend’s uptight mentality). Soe’s Tip: I was that girl with the five year boyfriend and yes the handshake really does work… except I am not “cute”, I’m drop dead gorgeous.
Spinning the Target Taking your target’s hand and twirling them as if you were doing a quick tango dance is a playful gambit you can use to disorientate them in order to throw them off their game or gain additional compliance. They never expect it. Take your right hand across to their right hand or your left to their left, hold it, bring it above their head and just spin them. That is as hard as it gets. If you hesitate or telegraph what you are doing you are more likely to get them resisting otherwise if they are totally oblivious to the spin coming it will work every time. This is a short playful gambit you can use anytime in set. It can look quite impressive and ballsy depending on the context you do the spin in. This can show that you are both in control and playful about it. You can literally do this the moment you meet them: if you go to shake their hand, take it and spin them then compliment them on their compliance e.g. “nice work”. Soe’s Tip: That is so hot: gentlemanly strength. What turns every woman on is the fact that a man is so strong and in control that he could kill you if he wanted, but he doesn’t (James Bond style). This can also be used to change people’s positions in the group if you want to alienate an obstacle or even spin an obstacle to get closer to your target. Despite seeming obvious this is considerably more discrete
than telling people where to stand or trying to push in. Everyone notices when you spin the girl and as a result everyone moves away opening up a variety of spaces in the set’s physical structure for you to re-position yourself.
Establishing Social Status with Aid of a Wing When a girl displays an indicator of interest in your line of work your wing should automatically talk you up. This way you do not lower yourself to showing her you are interested in her. Your wing could say something like “This guy is the most amazing___________” and give her your card. It also shows that your friends respect you. Then if you want to close her number you can say “well you have my number, give me yours”.
The Post it Note Games Being playful and having the ability to make boring situations fun will differentiate you against all the other guys out there. I was always thinking of how I could make a presentation I was watching interesting, using props. Occasionally I would take in a little walking-wind-up penguin into lectures when I was at university and put it on the targets desk, wait for her to laugh then say “shhh!!!” in a really serious way then touch her and say “Ok I’ll let you play with him for a little bit, but stop flirting with me I’m trying to work” (Accusing them of trying to pick you up is gold). The problem with this was everyone kept seeing me use it in the same lectures and I was known as the “penguin guy”, it killed the spontaneity. One of the other main concerns was that people at work or university usually want to get a job done or listen to a lecture. They did not come to a lecture to be distracted by a conversation with you. So now the aim is to seduce them without having a conversation; you do it through post-it notes or writing something funny on the edge of their paper. This usually takes the form of some kind of funny observation about your circumstances. This is where post-its come in; they are so ordinary that no one would notice if you have them as weapon in your pickup arsenal. Write a witty comment on the post it note and stick it their desk. e.g. “out of 10 how much do you think this lecturer looks like Elmer Fudd on steroids?” or a random comment that is funny just because of its unpredictability e.g. “fried chicken is awesome”. Having said that the latter is more risky as if you run into someone who is not familiar with random humour (like Will Ferrell or Adam Sandler style comedy) it will not work. One game you can play is to take a post it and stick it on the back of a person’s chair leaving a message for future people to see e.g. “That lump
in your girlfriend’s throat was an Adam’s apple all along”. When she chuckles or looks strangely at it, you say “Its the post-it game, you write the strangest things you can think of as little notes for the people who sit here next to spice up their day...but they can’t be mean” if she says no you can reply with “Really? You looked like someone who was capable of fun”, write “FUN” on a post-it, stick it on her and say “See, the post it doesn’t lie.” Then hand her the pad with a pen. A third option is to write out three post-its: alcoholic / sex maniac / serial killer / librarian etc. Then stick them on three seats in front of you where people are sitting. Try to make the labels as ill fitted as possible e.g. put serial killer on the chair of a blonde with pigtails. Turn to the target and say “What’s the chance THIS guy has killed someone?” Say it playfully and take the conversation from there or TELL them to try making labels of their own. If they refuse, write “nerd” on a post it and stick it on her. Then hand her the pad and a pen. There are a thousand funny things you can use post-its for to open with and get into a conversation with. Playfulness is a must. If you are nervous try visualizing the girl as one of your long-term female friends, assume rapport.
The Man on the Side Gambit Ask the target if she’s taken. She will most likely assume you are being rather forward and will instantly believe that you have a keen interest in her. This is first step. She has the choice of two answers: yes or no. “Yes”: As you asked so bluntly do not assume that a “yes” response means she has a legitimate partner, it is likely to be an attempt to protect herself from being hit on. This is perfect. Once she says “yes” you can put your arm around her and say “great, let’s find you a man on the side, how about that one”, you then point to a very ill-befitting match for her. It may be the guy drunk at the bar, the gay man kissing his boyfriend or even a gentleman who is way too old for her. “No”: Firsly a no answer is good for you as it also helps to find out where you stand. Once she replies you change your response slightly from the one above to “Great, let’s find you a boyfriend, how about that one” and you continue as above to find an unlikely suitor. This gives you a myriad of opportunities to tease her about her tastes in men and to generally have a laugh with her. If you wish you can let her pick a suitor for you. This is a great gambit for demonstrating your value. Firstly you take her on an emotional rollercoaster, she believes you want her and lack enough finesse not to be so forward. She finds out that not only is she mistaken that you do have the finesse she initially thought you
lacked but she also now finds that she was mistaken in thinking you like her. This can make her feel a little disappointed; you don’t know what you have got ‘till its gone. Now she wants that feeling back from you and will be significantly more open to your future advances.
The Photo Neg Early on in the interaction get the target to take a picture of you with the target’s friends or the rest of the group. Make her realize she is the black sheep this time. This should be done early on in the interaction to help lower the target’s defenses and attitude. It will show her that she is no longer the center of attention and that her friends have taken a liking to you.
{isolating}
“It’s better to be boldly decisive & risk being wrong than to agonize at length & be right too late” Anonymous
Isolating Isolating your girl away from the group is essential to creating comfort and having a more personal interaction with her. This is not essential for kiss closing but it is usually the natural progression after opening and attraction gambits. Kissing her in front of people she knows, or even strangers depending on how insecure she is, will make your life harder. Girls never want to feel cheap or “slutty” and even when their friends are supportive of you two getting more intimate she may still feel the need to demonstrate to everyone else that she is better than you (or any other guy for that matter) and will do away with you. If you do not isolate, not just when you should but more importantly as soon as you can, you can end up missing your opportunity and coming across as weak through not having the confidence to make a move. The alpha male takes what he wants, when he wants and has no doubt in his mind as to whether he will be accepted or not. Quite often if you are decisive about isolating you can do it 100% effectively even if she has not even considered you as a suitor yet. This often can have its benefits as telegraphing your interest / intentions will see her mind snowball all the negative thoughts and reasons not to be with you. This is called sweeping her off her feet, you being one step ahead of her, and it is a highly attractive quality. It shows you are a man and you are making the decisions. If you want the relationship to get physical this is a must and we have developed a few ways you can make this transition easy.
Isolating Methods By T
Telling the friends that you have “kind of been ignoring your creepy friend here, I want to have a chat with her, is that cool with you?” If her friends or other authority figures around agree it then makes her more likely to submit and socially conform. Take her hand as you say “come, I want to: get some air/ a drink / sit down / dance”. DO NOT wait for her response. Take her hand, start pulling and already have your body language facing / walking away from her. This will not give her the chance to say no. Physically it feels as if she’s already agreed. It is a sign of confidence to assume she will do what you want when you want. The alpha male never asks, he tells people how it is going to be. Ask her if she’s done the cube before. If not, tell her its amazing etc and
you have to do it on her but in a quiet area. If she says yes then say “how amazing is it, I’ve just learnt a crazy way of doing it, I have to show you” etc If you have wings or mates etc around say “I want you to meet this one mate, you’ll love him he’s really hot and an amazing guitarist / magician / gynecologist / etc” Take her to meet this other person for about 5 minutes, then isolate. Or isolate with the wing and get the wing to leave after 3 minutes.
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obstacles & in-set issues
“Always behave like a duck - keep calm & unruffled on the surface but paddle like the devil underneath” Jacob Braude
Negs A Neg is the colloquial term for a negative compliment: a compliment rapped in an insult - developed by Mystery and used by nearly all pickup artists at one point in their development. The aim of the Neg is that is a seemingly innocent way to cut your target down to size if they are being rude or have an attitude. As the Neg is a backhanded compliment you can get away with it, as your delivery will be seemingly innocent. An example may be “You’re hair is awesome, it’s pretty retro”, of course this is said when they are not trying to be retro hence you say their hairstyle is outdated. What most pickup artists will not realize is that it is essential that you never let them reply to the Neg. The moment you give them an opportunity to think or reflect upon what you have just said you risk two things: 1) They realize that what you said was not an innocent comment made in passing. You waiting for a response can often telegraph through your body language that you did have malicious intentions. 2) They will call you on your comment, tell you to leave and / or make the whole vibe awkward. For both these reasons some of the more experienced pickup artists I know do not touch Negs. Pick up guru Actor2 thinks that if you believe you need to Neg someone you already place yourself below them. He believes that if you have a strong frame of mind, it will overcome the need to Neg. What he says is true however for guys starting out or women who are real ball-busters then I still use a Neg. The difference with the Ask T style of Negging is that it is only done to reprimand someone for bad behavior. Most pickup artists will automatically Neg a woman who is a 10 about 3 times, a woman who is a 9 will be Negged twice and an 8 once. Even though these indicators may be fairly accurate in some situations, no one deserves to be Negged unless they have stepped out of line. I have Negged just as many girls who are 6s than I have 10s because some women simply do not need it. If they are responsive to you, nice and not rude (be it verbally or nonverbally) then do not use it. As crude as this sounds, some of the concepts of child raising can still apply: reward for good behavior and punish for bad behavior. Being dismissive or indifferent will still deserve a Neg (according to Lady – an Ask T seduction coach) but I think you need to use your own judgment as to whether it is needed. The alternative is that if someone were really rude you can call them on it, however I would not recommend this. Saying “Why are you so rude
tonight?” or “Are you always this bitchy?” will usually attract more tension to the conversation than nuns to a cucumber field.
T’s Neg List If you were taller you could be a model. There’s something in your teeth, just do this (lick your teeth with your tongue indicating for them to do the same, they will - do the demonstration quickly after the Neg as it does not give them a chance to ask their friends if something is really there or not). Nice ___________, my mother has one just like it. You are cute, in a kinda strange way! Cool perfume… it is pretty strong though. I like your haircut, it’s really retro. I dig the way you give up fashion for comfort. I think its great that you are so confident, you can go outside in whatever you want regardless of what’s in style. You look kinda tired. For a not bad looking girl you look terrible in photos. I love your hair! Did you dye it yourself? Nice skirt, that’s a really popular style. Nice dress. I’ve seen a few girls with it tonight, but I think it suits you most. It is so refreshing to have a conversation with someone who does not feel that she has to prove she is smart. You can be so kind when you aren’t being a bitch. Your teeth are too white for your face, start smoking. No, you’re not a slut, you’re just super friendly... You are absolutely stunning... In this light (good for clubs or darkish places).
Managing the Competition “Naturals” are the good-looking ladies’ men that were born with charisma. I have found that naturals need the occasional subtle insult to put them in their place, especially when they are upstaging you or putting you down. By rapping an insult in a compliment you can covertly deflate someone’s ego whilst still appearing to make an innocent comment. Quite often if you are nervous your wit will pack up its bags and leave. You stall. You panic. And then you say something based purely on emotion and it will be something you regret. Further down will teach you a process to get over this, rather than a line to memorize and forget. I have begun to apply these insults in the field with killer success but find having standardized ones pre-memorized can often help you think when you are either nervous or intimidated. Some examples are: Wow we have a comedian in the house, call Jim Carrey and tell him he’s out of business. I like it that you are cool enough to let people laugh at you, selfdeprecating humour is so true blue. Ask him if he can do magic like disappear from the room for 5 minutes and say that we will wait for him. Then leave. Which circus did you come from because I did not see you at the last few I went to? (say all this whilst smiling)
Perfecting your “What the fuck?” look By T
Your facial expressions can be used in conjunction with Negs to get your point across. The best expression to apply is definitely your “What the fuck?” face. To improve your “What the fuck?” face try imagining they said the most ridiculous claim in the world e.g. If someone said that you are a lost penguin from a turkey factory, which was coated in red honey in Iceland. Then apply your reaction to the current situation to get a really effective “What the fuck?” look going on to let the perpetrator know their not in Kansas no more. You can use something like “Ha-ha are you kidding me?” or “Ok…anyhow etc”. Other tactics can be used to diffuse a natural ruining your set. 1) Be higher energy. My step-brother Ben is one of the most successful naturals I have encountered. He continually shifts the focus to himself
through stories that position his value levels above the competition. The best way to avoid this is to interrupt the natural or wait until he is finished and then ask the girls an unrelated question or an opinion opener. Steal his conversation. The best is to change it to a topic that requires a FEMALE opinion e.g. “Do girls prefer cats or dogs?” which will not allow for much male input. 2) Talk about a previous topic that you mentioned with the set before the natural became your problem. Private jokes or nicknames you talked about before he got there will really make him feel like the odd one out. He will feel alienated, as he literally cannot be included because he was not there. If he tries to put his own two cents into the conversation just look at him and say “Ah you don’t get it man, you weren’t there”. Sometimes they will continue to probe you as to what your joke is about. Then you can look at him and go “wow man just drop it, it wasn’t such a big deal” and turn to the girls and playfully say “talk about needy!” 3) Angle your body language away from him and never make eye contact. He will not feel wanted and will leave. Most naturals thrive on attention and need people-contact to further their own sense of selflove and greatness. The moment you fail to give them the attention or continually take it away through offering another female opinion topic during their own little speech, they will go away. Playfully make fun of what they are saying. Bust their balls but do not be hostile. The moment they become hostile to you call them on it and talk to the girls about something else. Make fun of the AMOG (commonly known as “tooling”) and get the girls to agree with you or laugh at him. 6) Never ask them questions to give fuel to their conversation. Here is an example of what happened to me at a club a few days ago: I love coaching kid’s tennis, it’s just so rewarding when the kids improve and tell me they wish they could have a lesson with me everyday it’s an amazing feeling isn’t it?
*Now I turn to talk to the girls he likes to live life on the edge: music, drugs, tennis coaching. But seriously it’s great you’re coaching kids, let me know when you do adults,
my grandma is in the market for a new coach. Who do you think would be easier to beat: a geriatric or a 4yr old? no that’s cool man, I will probably stick with the kids kids over adults ey? You’re like the Michael Jackson of the tennis court! Can you do a moonwalk for me? um, whatever man tell me girls, who’s the better dancer, Michael Jackson or Justin Timberlake? Etc yeh so anyhow, I love teaching kids tennis etc oh sorry man, are you still going? Yeh go tennis!! Ok we’re done. So how do you girls know each other? Show’s over, the guy will walk away or continue to try to but in and look beta male, as you are now full swing into the conversation you control, as you are the one who initiated it. If he does not shut up about himself: punish him for it. If he tries to talk about a topic, which you think is boring: punish him for it. If he even stays too quiet from then on tell him to pipe down: punish him for it. Soe’s Tip: I don’t think “girls” is a good term to use. A group of guys driving past nightclubs would shout out that sort of thing. The only ones who can get away with calling us “girls”, “love”, “sweetheart” or “darling” are men over 70, and they can’t get it up so what’s the point?
Using Sarcasm to Diffuse Tension By T
Understanding all too well the threats an alpha male possesses, I have found that sarcasm is a beneficial defense mechanism that can be used without seeming insecure. It is the easiest way to make fun of them by blowing their claims out of proportion and can be used with anyone (even the woman) if they step out of line. e.g.
listen buddy, why don’t you go get the girls and I some drinks and make yourself useful? that’s fucking rude man, I make myself useful to your mother every night, even when I don’t buy her a drink *throws punch*
The situation for the Alpha male would differ though: listen buddy, why don’t you go get the girls and I some drinks and make yourself useful? yes master, would you like a pillow with that, can I get you any food, how about a new car, a house? Or even a wife? Oops, no, my mistake, a husband ha-ha um... yeh, the drink will be fine I’m sure it would but don’t be such a tight ass and get it yourself. Here’s a tip, chicks don’t like lazy tight asses. Do you girls? GIRLS: no they suck!
NB: Every time you get girls to agree with you on anything about the natural, you have now successfully become the Alpha male of the group. Your goal in every AMOGing situation will be to get the girls to make fun of the guy or to agree with you on something that demonstrates his lower value. Sarcasm can lead to a verbal argument, so the best way to avoid a fight can often be a greasy look whilst saying “ha-ha sure thing buddy” or simply killing them with kindness. If you are consistently nice to him when he is blatantly being rude to you the girls will want to keep you around because he will be perceived as the negative influence. just go back to your friends ok
you must work in hospitality; I’m going to stay and talk to you for a while, what’s your name? Steve, now walk away I really dig the whole ‘assertive’ thing, where were you earlier tonight? It seems so counter intuitive to stick in there but once you show you will be ultra nice to him he will have no idea what hit him. This is effective although it takes a strong frame to pull it off. TIP: A great way to handle an insult is by agreeing to it. Often people who decide to be rude are doing it for response. If some guy calls you a “Dickhead” he is expecting you to react, loose your composure and leave the set. If you agree you undercut their expectations, you have the element of surprise. Then you can take their insult and use it against them as a form of social-judo. Take their insult, agree to it and then blow it out of proportion to make them ridiculous for even having said it in the first place. You’re really a loser you know that, just walk away Oh man you are so right! I’m actually the biggest loser in this whole city but shhh don’t tell anyone. And those guys over there, they’re not my friends or anything I pay them to be seen with me.
Using body language to alienate an obstacle If someone during your set is giving you grief or if you want to falsely disqualify yourself or alienate them from the conversation without looking rude then this method is for you. During conversation, angle your body away from the obstacle and cease all eye contact. Most group conversations take the shape of a circle but your aim is to make another circle within the original group excluding the person(s) of your choice.
Notice how, in the picture above, all it took from the middle character was one movement of her right foot in the direction of the lady in blue to fully alienate the lady on the left. It is subtle and if they call you on it or try to push into the vicinity; again everyone will see they look needy.
The AMOG Twirl Building upon the above there can be a more subtle and playful execution of how you can use body language to alienate an AMOG. The target generally is positioned in the middle of you and the AMOG. What you can do is to take your right hand and grab her right hand, pull it and then lift it over her head and twirl her. As you do so you yourself spin around positioning yourself between her and the AMOG with your back facing him ultimately freezing him out of the interaction as you keep talking as if nothing happened. He now has three options all of which will lower his value in the eyes of the target: He taps you on the shoulder and complains that you’re in his way He re-enters the interaction by moving around you and re-positioning himself awkwardly between you and the target He leaves and re-joins his friends or opens another set There is no way he can dig himself out of this hole. Everything he can possibly do will result in him demonstrating lower value. Some of my students have done this to me when we have been fooling around during workshops and honestly I am yet to figure out a way to overcome it. The best thing to do is simply beat the AMOG to it.
Getting Rid of the Group and Keeping the Target It will often happen that you are in an interaction with no friend or wingman there to help occupy the obstacles at a time when you wish to isolate the target. You think it might be too difficult to merely excuse the both of you from her friends and then saunter off together into the darkness. A more subtle and effective way to get the same result is to introduce the group you are in to another group that you either do not know or met earlier in the night. An easy way to do this is if you feel the need to isolate the target, whilst you are talking to her and her friends, you can find a contentious topic or question to talk about (such as any opinion opener mentioned earlier). You can ask the group; they will answer but you can claim you are still curious and simply turn to the closest group near you and ask them. As they begin to respond you can introduce them into your original group and quite often the two groups will start entertaining each other giving you the chance to slip off with the target.
Getting People to Act How You Want Them to, Using Frames If you tell a person they act a certain way or have a particular quality, most of the time they will feel obligated to live up to that expectation. This is the same reasoning behind why psychologists always advise parents never to call their children stupid but rather say the act they did was stupid. A lot of people are childish in the sense that they do not have a strong sense of character and can be told what to be and how to act. Unfortunately this is used all too often to make people feel bad, however you should always try to leave your lady better than you found her. Accusing them of trying to pick you up is both playful and can help convince them that they really do like you, even if they did not realize it before. After you nudge them, smile and go “Can you stop flirting with me? No really, to get into my pants you need a nice dinner, a puppy dog and a priceless Egyptian relic”. Try to merge playfulness with your statements of interest. You will have less chance of making the situation awkward and it also acts as a push / pull mechanism; the pull being the statement of interest and the push being the humour and acting as if it is not a big deal.
Using Sexual Frames By T
You can choose to label your female with a certain characteristic that goes hand in hand with sex. For example you could say to your woman “You are so adventurous” or “I can tell you are the adventurous type, taking risks scares you a little but something in your head likes it”. This can make her more susceptible to doing adventurous things like kissing you, going home with you or playing Monopoly. In Cialdini’s book Influence he gives examples of how experiments that are based on people’s compliance were approximately twice as successful when the test-subject was framed as a particular type of person. In this instance the goal was to get people to put up a billboard for the environment in their front yards. There was an exponentially higher rate of compliance in those people who, earlier in the week, were asked by the scientists to sign a petition for the environment.3
Reversing Frames to Oust Obstacles By T
A good way to stop someone being rude to you is by telling them that they are the opposite of how they are acting. For instance if an obstacle keeps interrupting you, say “It’s fun talking with you, you’re a good listener” in the most sincere tone you can. They will feel the need to live up to the quality you have framed them with particularly if it is positive. A second way is by being “disappointed” in their behavior. This works a lot more effectively than outright calling someone on their poor behavior. This is devoid of hostility and instead of fostering anger in the receiver it cultivates guilt. OBSTACLE: your shirt is pretty gay, did you get that from the Salvation Army or something? You: do you get off over trying to act better than everyone? I thought you were better than that Or You: come on man we both know you are above that The latter suggests that the natural agrees with you, if he does not rebut your comment he (and the group) will feel he has been put in his place
and in effect rendered average. If he does disagree (which will usually be in some hostile or witty way) you can then look at the other group members and say “Jesus, you see what I mean” and then turn to the obstacle and say “I don’t know about you but I’m here to have fun, if you want to fight then go talk to that guy (point at small weedy looking guy).” Try to make the person you point out really defenseless so it makes the obstacle look like he cannot handle a real fight and prays on the weak.
The Reframe I find the best way for you to destroy a rude obstacle in your set is by reframing their negativity. This sounds hard but trust me it is well within anyone’s reach. A frame is a mental state: a good strong frame can be described as unwavering confidence whilst a poor frame may be an outlook which is negative, self-defeating or ever changing. So if someone steps out of line or is negative you can re-frame their comment into something positive. For instance if a person calls you a loser but you are still making headway with the target you can turn to the obstacle and say “Are you usually this defensive towards guys you’re attracted to?” or if she says “You’re a loser” you could reply “Oh that’s so cute, thank you so much” and continue the conversation. The latter comment also incorporated an element of sarcasm within it. Realize that I have written this book in a way that every theory you learn can be incorporated or used in conjunction with all the others. Remember earlier on I told you to look past the lines and recognize the process and the psychological elements of these techniques. They are all teaching consistent qualities of what the most successful alpha males already do; yet you will always triumph over any alpha, as you are conscious of what is happening whereas it is automatic for him. He does not understand how the seduction process works. To put it metaphorically, if you were both hunting at night, he would have a knife and you would have a night-vision sniper rifle. Sure he will hit something successfully some of the time but you will do it every time, quicker and easier. These re-frames have the same principles as a Neg; never let them reply to it. The best way to stick in a set with a difficult obstacle is give them NO attention and act as if it never happened and just continue talking. The moment you advert to their rudeness or the moment you loose your own frame and snap at them or act affected then you have lowered your status significantly in their eyes. The real alpha male literally looks at the person who made the comment
with the biggest “What the fuck” face, just total surprise that they would even say it. The beta male on the other hand gets affected by it as he has not only had that same reaction before but he now expects it from future sets. The third alternative to diffusing obstacles is through the use of sarcasm. I have found that AMOGs need to be negged especially when they are AMOGing you. Quite often if you’re nervous your wit will pack up its bags and leave and you will come out with an outright insult or comment like “that’s pretty fucking rude”. The following is a guide on how to deal with such situations.
Diffusing AMOG Negativity A good proportion of AMOGs are overly insecure, few are legitimately confident. How can you tell the legitimate ones from the arrogant wankers? The legitimate guys do not need the spotlight the whole time and they have no reason to be discourteous to you. For this very reason, arrogant wankers are often accustomed to putting others down to make themselves feel superior. This gives you the perfect opportunity to outright disagree with them in a positive fashion making them look insecure and you come off the centered nice guy. T: that girl Sandra over there said she knew you AMOG: yeh I know Sandra, she’s a real bitch T: she’s actually a really nice person That is as hard as it gets. The moment he puts someone down and you disagree with anything negative he says you have just placed yourself worlds ahead of him in confidence and stability. The AMOG now has only two retorts: he can back up what the negative comment and look defensive or he can sit there and agree with you. Whichever road he chooses he has now demonstrated that he is of a lower value than you are.
Using Sarcasm Sarcasm is beneficial as a defense mechanism that anyone can do without lowering their value in the set when dealing with both AMOGs and other obstacles. It is the easiest way to make fun of them by blowing their claims out of proportion. Look at how this interaction could have gone either way:
AMOG: why aren’t you with your friends buddy? Average Male: that’s fucking rude man, your mother and I are good friends every night AMOG: *throws punch* The alternative can be shown through what an alpha male would do: AMOG: why aren’t you with your friends buddy? T: oh they aren’t my friends, they’re just people I rent to hang around me AMOG: ha-ha um.....yeh I’ll see you later You: oh that’s ok you don’t have to go anywhere I still think that sarcasm can lead into a verbal argument so the best way is to give them a greasy look and say “ha-ha sure thing buddy” (imagine they just asked if you were a chicken with pink feathers, give them a face / reply as if what they said was THAT ridiculous) and then give them an AMOG neg. I’ve begun to apply these AMOG Negs in the field with killer success, some standardized ones below can work on anyone but it is not hard to come up with new ones. Try to never rely on canned material, push yourself to come up with your own. Till then, use these as training wheels: 1) “That’s a cool shirt man, I used to have the same one in yr 10, I wore it all the time.” 2) “If you get any funnier I think I’m going to have to slit my wrists” 3) “Man, I like it that you are cool enough to let people laugh at you, self deprecating humour is tough.” 4) Say that we do not have any coins to give him for his act. Even pull out your wallet and say “oh dude! No way! That was the coolest shit but I just don’t have enough money! But I think those guys/girls over there will find your tricks pretty cool too.” 5) Pat him on his back to indicate that he better leave and say “you’re a cool guy, it was nice too meet you” One PUA called Tyler Durden has written some of the best material I have come across on AMOGs and dealing with them in your sets4. Both his material and my old tactics, I find, still telegraph a bit too much hostility
in their undertones and can see an interaction grow more hostile than it should. The best AMOGs I have ever seen are not the guys who learn AMOG Negs (although this can help a lot), they are the ones who have a process. Tyler states: “The easy way to handle any alpha is to be polite to him, but act disinterested by his rap/accomplishments using tonality/body language (without coming off as patronizing/sarcastic) while simultaneously being charming to others around you. This will drop his perceived value and cause him to qualify himself to try and raise it back up. He can’t fight you or do shit like that, and he can’t move to insults, because you’ve been polite and in doing so he would be making himself look VERY BAD.”5 This is one of the best pieces of advice I have come across, it is a process not a line but one which I find not proactive enough. Real alpha males do not care if you act disinterested in them or not, even though you should assume these guys are always trying to impress you, it is not always the case. Real alpha males do not need validation from anyone. Just like bitchy women, some have defenses and others have confidence, both are weapons but the latter will not fold just because you are indifferent. The best AMOGs are assholes in a gentleman’s disguise, a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Everything is by the book and nothing is overtly hostile. If you want to finish the job right every time without having to come across as a wanker use the following:
The Fantation The Fantation, short for Fantasy Exaggeration, is the most effective AMOGing theory you will ever learn, it works every time. Watch the movie “Pumping Iron” of Arnold competing in Mr. Olympia competitions in his early days. Has the ability to psyche out every opponent through lulling them into a false sense of security. His compliments make them feel better about themselves, it makes them like him better and it makes them lower their defenses. PUAs know that if they have the power to increase an AMOG’s confidence, they hold the power to take it away once it is given. Doesn’t this just leave the AMOG back to where he started, still confident but not as pumped? No. People will always be receptive to positive comments about themselves and the moment they are receptive their defenses have been lowered
so when you do decide to take away what you have given him he will no longer have his defenses to catch him as he falls back to neutral. You now decided how far you will let him fall. Arnie possesses the same quality every good PUA has; he is counterintuitive. Men who enter your set, or obstacles in a set you opened, have the instinct to protect what is theirs even if the females are friends or even prospective partners. Men on the mating prowl instinctively have hostility towards one another; a battle mentality is more common than not. Society has seen us curb this to being more subtle and tactful but the emotion still lies there. Being overly nice to them will throw them off guard. Do it for too long and you will seem as if you are seeking their validation, however talking them up for one or two comments and then making a patronizing or exaggerated comment will have a greater effect. The first two comments set the precedent that you are nice guy with no malicious intentions, it helps disguise the undertone of the patronizing comment. Talking to them with admiration or in a positive way will lower their defenses. They cannot figure you out because you are nice when you are expected to be hostile or indifferent. If you start off with a comment that might have a patronizing undertone or sarcastic delivery, not only will you keep the AMOG’s defenses high, you will seem insecure in front of the set. People are scared of what they do not understand. The more counterintuitive you are the more they will fear you, as you understand them yet they fail to understand you. It is as if you are playing chess and you can see all their moves already whereas they cannot see yours and they know it. The moment you deliver your second complimentary comment they will have you pinned as a beta male, a validation seeker. They will relax, their defenses will drop and when you hit them with an AMOG NEG or a FANTATION they will be caught so off-guard that they will hesitate. The moment they hesitate both them and the group knows that they no longer have the power. You are now the leader. An FANTATION is the process of taking a trait of their personality, exaggerating it and placing it in a made up situation. Lets take the following interaction as an example of how the two positive + one FANTATION will diffuse an AMOG. Assume the AMOG is loud or talking over you: T: you have a great voice, you must have been in a band once *1st positive comment* AMOG: yeh, we did the pub circuit for a bit
T: that’s so cool man, you’re like a rock star *2nd positive comment* AMOG: ha-ha not quite but thanks T: I want to hire a singer to do my best mate’s birthday party in drag as Marilyn Monroe, with such a masculine voice like yours you would be perfect. You’ll get paid of course, it would just be a killer sight you in that red dress don’t you think guys? * FANTATION* Girls: ha-ha yes that would be awesome, you should do it *Female validation* The beauty of getting the girls to agree with you is that it aims to keep the interaction civil and not hostile. The girls will always agree if they like you more or if it is a funny idea. The moment they agree to it he cannot get angry at you for saying it because now he will also have to reprimand the girls for agreeing with you. If he were to do this he would blow himself out instantly. If he stays there and takes the joke his status just drops. Lets look at a few more examples to make sure it really gets drilled in. T: that’s a really cool shirt man, where did you get it? AMOG: I don’t know, some place in Bondi Junction T: you have a good eye for quality man AMOG: thanks mate T: I can picture you as the next Derek Zoolander, that guy over there (point to another pretty-boy) could be your nemesis Hansel. You two should organize a walk-off blue-steel style. What do you think guys, he could be the next Zoolander of Sydney ey? Another may be: T: you are one of the coolest guys I’ve met all night AMOG: um, thanks man T: you can always tell nice guys if they are good with kids, you seem like you would get on great with children AMOG: yeh I’m pretty good with kids I guess, weird question
T: I read that they are looking for more masculine hosts for Playschool; you should apply. Sure you would have to wear those tight overalls but instead of making shitty pirate hats you can get them to make cardboard dumbbells ey? Hey girls, don’t you think he would awesome in those bright yellow overalls? Let’s take a third instance: T: wow, you’re really tall, its awesome, what are you 6”6? AMOG: about 6”4 T: shit, you’re built though man, you must hit the gym ey, what do you bench? AMOG: about 150kg, but I’m thinking of upping it T: it’s like I’m talking to the next Schwarzenegger over here, don’t push it too far man, I like you. I don’t want you to be one of those guys who get so big you won’t be able to go to the bathroom solo. It’s ok, I’m sure your friend’s here will care for you. GIRLS: ew no way am I wiping anything! To paraphrase what Arnold says to his competitor in Pumping Iron, he uses a constant mixture of push pull to psyche out his opponents. He had breakfast with one of the biggest threats to his title and said that he has an amazing body but one more months worth of training would make him perfect. He told him that if only he had another month before the competition he would be unstoppable. He did not say that he was not in peak condition, he did not say that he is sub par. Rather he inferred (within a compliment) that he will be better in the future, implying that he currently he is not winning material. Here’s the first line I used based on Arnies’s AMOGing style: AMOG: I love exotic food, my Mum is the best cook and she taught me all she knows. If you girls love Greek, Indian or Lebanese food you have to come by mine and try it. T: Oh man you are making me hungry, it’s so rare to find a guy who has good cooking skills AMOG: it takes practice mate, I worked long and hard at it but I think it’s close to perfect now T: you have made me so hungry right now. I’m going to come by and get you to make some tikka chicken, dolmades, hummus with pita, the whole
repertoire. I’ll even bring you a spare apron my Mum has, it’s one of the joke ones where women’s lingerie is painted on it. He would look so hot in a pink G-banger and lacy bra don’t you think girls? GIRLS: oh definitely a hot look! He was screwed. If he said “No way, I’ll cook normally thank you!” he would come off as defensive and unable to take a joke. If he agrees to it he will voluntarily tool himself. The only way he could avoid this situation is by still having his defenses up, he would be quick enough to make a retort like “You’d like that wouldn’t you, a hot guy cooking in your mother’s lingerie, you’re scaring me man!” I guarantee you that if you lull him into a false sense of security, make him feel safe before you strike, his mind will no longer be in battle mode. Holiday mode will kick in and by the time he figures out the right retort, the conversation has already started up again. You have now demonstrated a higher value in a gentleman-like way by being playful, not hostile and always keeping the shots above the belt with near to no opportunity for retort. These lines are pure examples. You need to know the process, as it can be applied to any situation: Compliment Compliment FANTATION Female support
The Anti-Role Play This takes on the same format as the Role Play gambit mentioned earlier in the book. The difference here is that you begin by telling the AMOG that he reminds you of someone who is preferably a person / celebrity both you, the AMOG and the other people in the interaction would have heard of. The idea here is that the association will seem complimentary yet you continue to draw out a negative or funny trait from the person you liken them to. Basically you tell the AMOG they remind you of someone undesirable and then you continue talking to them as if they have taken upon that role. The beauty of the association seeming positive or harmless at the start is that the AMOG is likely to take it as a compliment and actually succumb to what you have framed him as. T: I saw you on the dance floor, you’re the Michael Jackson of the club tonight. You were doing well out there. AMOG: Yeh thanks I’ve always liked dancing to his music. T: Just stay away from my neice and nephew, they won’t be visiting your Neverland Ranch any time soon. AMOG: Whatever man
It is about this time that most of the other people, generally the girls the AMOG is friends with, will have a laugh at his expense. It is demoralizing and will see his group-leader status stripped away from him. This is a pretty rough thing to do and is usually reserved to AMOGs who are not the nicest of people.
The Funny Face When the AMOG is in set talking to the target, get your target’s eye contact and pull a funny face at her. The aim is to subtly undercut the AMOG whilst he is talking while concurrently demonstrating that you do not take socializing too seriously. One example is that you can playfully stick out your tongue at the target, she will smile and then you will reward her for being playful by reciprocating with your own smile. Often she will laugh at your cheekiness and the AMOG, mid-sentence will get distracted and ask her “What’s so funny”. Both you and the target will act like nothing happened. It will throw him off his game and build additional rapport with your target.
The Alpha Interrupt Sequence (The Whoa Whoa Whoa) AMOGS males tend to be the center of attention and more than less have their confidence founded on insecurities, being loud and obnoxious is merely their way of overcompensating. The legitimately secure AMOGs are usually fine with giving you a shot at their women, as they quietly assume they are better than you anyway. AMOGs will tend to talk over you until you stop talking and let them have their say. This makes you feel weak or inferior because if you keep talking, even when they are talking over you, they will usually increase their volume and speed to help shut you up. Often they are so into themselves that they start their own topics of conversation before you finish yours. It is common for an AMOG to talk over you or interrupt you in order to try and place the focus back on him. Here are your choices in how you could respond: Keep talking despite him talking over you until the two of you just get so loud it becomes embarrassing Stop talking, let him finish and then re-continue your story Tell him you weren’t finished talking and that he’s being rather rude All very normal probabilities when someone does this to you, however they will all result in you appearing to have lost control of the group and of your frame of mind. One PUA continually did this to me over a series of parties.
At first I did not back down and kept talking despite him talking over me; that got me nowhere. The second instance I stopped talking and let him take over the conversation; I never had a chance to get a word in again. Thirdly I told him he has no manners and that it’s rude to talk over people; he replied with “yes mum, now don’t interrupt”. Now this made me ANGRY. In the heat of the moment I placed my hand on his chest and kept saying “whoah whoah whoah whoah whoah” as if I was trying to slow down a wild horse running towards me. The “whoah”s started quick at the beginning and then wound down into a slower pace once the AMOG began to keep quiet. Looking him dead in the eyes I continued saying “whoah” until he stopped talking. Once he shut up I slowly and calmly raised my index in the air and said “Relax”. I continue what I was saying whilst he turned bright red out of either embarrassment or frustration. He began to interrupt me again brining it back to a topic about him: some concert he went to on the weekend. I turned to him and said “Oh you’re still talking about that? Hold up for a second mate we’ll get back to it later”. Of course I never brought it up again later, he’d lost. The longer you leave the AMOG to be rude to you and the more you fail to reprimand his bad behaviour, the more he will believe he can get away with disrespecting you. The beauty of repeatedly saying “whoah” as opposed to any other comment is that people realize that “whoah” completely inhibits a conversation from continuing. Two stories being spoken over each other makes the AMOG believe people are still listening to him rather than to you and he will continue talking louder and LOUDER until you are demoralized. The moment you overtly call the AMOG out on his rude behavior by saying something like “Why do you feel the need to talk over me” not only have you lost your frame but you are now the one solely responsible for changing the mood of the set from light to tense. There is no easy way to handle this and you will find a lot of PUAs will also try to do it to you. You need to establish a precedent early, otherwise they will continue to behave like wankers throughout the whole interaction. This is probably one of the hardest things you will have to deal with when AMOGs come your way. However, realize that you too can play dirty and talk over them. If they call you on interrupting them whilst they are talking simply look at them and say: “Well I guess I learnt from the best, anyhow…” This can also be used when dealing with anyone who decides to talk over
you in an arrogant or disrespectful way. Be aware that sometime people do not wish to be the center of attention nor do they wish to disrespect you. On the off occasion it is good when people, namely the target, interrupt you if they are so excited about the conversation that they genuinely cannot wait to say their contribution. Here’s an example: T: I never knew what a Chai Latte was until today, not really my… Savannah: Chai lattes are so good, I can’t go through my day without one. Rude, yes, but not malicious. The “whoah whoah whoah” has no way out of it, it will shut anyone up every time provided that you maintain eye contact, put your arm out with your palm or index finger pointing towards them in a “stop sign” position and make sure you are loud to show them you mean it.
Neutralising Their Relationship Often the AMOG will be showing his interest in the same woman you want. If you liken their dynamic to something platonic or taboo it can often diffuse the sexual chemistry between the AMOG and the target. Some examples may be: “You’re cute together, kind of like brother and sister” “The way you guys bitch to each other reminds me of my parents. They always discuss ______” “You guys look alike, are you related?”
{rapport & escalating}
“If you dont see me touch a woman within the first 5 seconds of approaching, I’ll give you $100” T
Bedroom Eyes The key to having an effective “seductive look” can be achieved through tweaking a few minor muscles in your face whilst thinking a certain thought. Take George Clooney below. George has mastered this look to such an extent that is more powerful than any line or mind game one could possess.
The characteristics of an effective seduction look can be classified by the following: Head slightly tilted down Eyes slightly squinted Furrowed brow The hint of a smile Looking up a little at the target Holding eye contact Eyes appear to be almost looking through you into the back of your head Soe’s Tip: Yes George’s eyes are absolutely amazing, notice how it’s all very subtle. Do not make it obvious, because when it is, it’s a huge turn off.
Letting them Know that You Mean Business: Communicating IOIs It is good to tell a woman she is cute, great to talk to or that she has real sexual prowess. You need to calibrate your indicators of interest (IOIs) to the girl depending on their personality and / or how your interaction is
going. It would be unwise to call a shy conservative girl sexy where cute may be more appropriate, just as calling her sexy within the first 10 minutes of meeting her will resonate differently if you have already been on a date and spent time together. Usually where guys go wrong is that they are too explicit in their statement of intent, so they seem needy or horny and they fail to say it with conviction. You do not want your IOI to be awkward because then when they think about sex with you what feelings will they have? The ones they first felt at the time the issue was raised: awkwardness. There are a few ways to communicate your interest and still seem like an alpha gentleman. Firstly do not hesitate when you deliver your IOI. Assume that it is on, assume that she already wants to kiss you, know that you are an alpha male who can take what he wants when he wants it. If you believe it and do this with enough conviction they will assume it is true. Hesitation shows a lack of confidence, which will reduce attraction and place you a few steps back in your interaction. Maintaining solid eye contact in addition to kinoing them will demonstrate that you are confident enough saying what you want and that you assume that you can get it. Eye contact conveys conviction whilst kino lowers her defenses. Do not wait for a reply. This is the same principle as with a Neg: whenever you say something that makes it obvious that you are changing the way an interaction takes place, do not let them reply. Make a smooth transition into this new place by continuing to talk. Giving them time to reply will usually result in an awkward silence and will also show neediness on your behalf. It will look as if you are seeking some kind of reciprocation to give you a clue that you are on track. The alpha male knows that he is on track. Give them the IOI once they have earned it. Do not just throw it out there when they have not demonstrated something to you of value. Remember they need to be selling themselves to you. If she says she just came back from a year of travel you could say “That’s awesome, so you’re cute and cultured. How long were you away for?” The fact that you continue on talking casually conveys that you deal with sexual interactions and the dating game on a regular basis, this type of direct flirting does not bother you and that you do not waste time. Incorporating your indicator of interest within a normal and causal sentence can aid in avoiding over escalation. An IOI can be a pretty blatant thing. To avoid it being all pull and not enough push do not emphasise the importance of the statement by devoting a whole sentence to it and then waiting for an answer. It is not that important because you know she wants you anyway. She will realize this is how your mind works and that you are alpha.
Now you have just created considerably more attraction and let her know this is a sexual interaction, you are not here to just be friends.
Telling A Good Story VOICE- vary your tones when talking and always try to do impersonations of people. I used to be a stand up comedian and the most basic thing all stand-ups do is make an observation and then act it out in a comical way. Also remember that louder is better. People find quiet guys creepy, even if you are too loud and come off as arrogant it is miles ahead of being creepy. Do not be creepy. Creepy sucks. SPEED- try not to keep the speed of how you talk constant. For exciting parts talk faster, to create suspense talk slower and pause occasionally. EYE CONTACT- keep it unwavering on the people you are talking to, especially those in the group that you feel are uninvolved or do not like you. BE INTERSTING (ENTHUSIASM)- to add to what I covered earlier on this point, a pick-up artist called Sidney once showed me how to hold an interesting conversation… about apple-juice. He was so enthusiastic about it whilst he was in a set that, despite its stupidity, people hung off his every word. He always said “act as if your best friend just won the lottery”. After practicing in a few sets you develop this congruence; this feeling of how much enthusiasm you will need depending on each personality type. “Be interesting” is one of the most cliché phrases ever used, it is very important but no one ever tells you how to be interesting. Surprisingly it is not the content you discuss with people but rather its delivery. I have seen people discuss the blandest subject matter in an enthusiastic way and it was received well. FACIAL EXPRESSIONS- if you don’t know how to use your face, practice in the mirror. These are great when impersonating people. GESTICULATE- use your hands and move your body, it’s probably the most effective way to keep a story interesting. QUESTION THE SET- ask token compliance questions during the story like “You know what I mean?” or “You know that feeling”. Some people say this comes off as needy however in my experience the best communicators talk with you, not at you. SECOND PERSON- the use of the second person comes in handy when trying to make it more interactive for the audience. The second person basically means use the word “you” a lot. e.g. “You can imagine how I felt when I woke up fully clothed, in my bed, with underpants on my head”.
IMAGERY- always try to communicate your story so they can visualize it in their head. Talk about the touch, smell, sound, taste or look of whatever you’re describing. E.g. “So this girl who looked like Pamela Anderson after a drug binge, broke this bottle of beer over her boyfriends head. It sounded like a coconut being thrown through a window. The whole night the place smelt like warm beer and gave me that sticky feeling under my shoes.” EXAGERATE- it is ok to over tell a story even if it makes you look like a drama queen because people love drama. ANALOGIES- an analogy is when you associate one thing with another and it really helps people to understand what you are talking about. You can make these associations pretty inappropriate to get laughs. e.g. “He looked like an Indian version of George Bush but he was only as high as my nipple”.
Steps of Compliance You can convince anyone to do anything if you get small steps that get them used to complying with you. The more tests you establish for them to pass the more they will train themselves into agreeing with you. Let’s say you meet a girl you are interested in. A common process most men take is: Getting her to talk to you Acquiring her phone number Kissing her Having sex with her Currently she has only agreed to three things (conversation, number and the kiss) before you bed her. The whole aim is to make the gap between meeting her and bedding her look small. Feed her interesting bitesized pieces of compliance before you ask for the bigger close. This is a common technique most salesmen use. A salesman however, would apply his business knowledge to seduction and gain additional steps of compliance so that, before she knows it, she is lying next to him after sex saying “I don’t know how this happened, a minute ago we were in the supermarket shopping for organic tofu”.
His process may be: • Getting her to talk with him • Allowing him to touch her • Getting her number • Agreeing to a date
• Speaking with her on the phone prior to the date • Meeting her for the date • Kissing her • Going back to his house • Having a drink • Foreplay • Sex She has now agreed to 10 things prior to sex. She is now in the mode of complying with his advances. This is the same psychology behind a retail assistant selling you an outfit rather than just a T-shirt. Once you agree to purchase one item THEN they will persuade you to purchase additional items like a belt and shoes on the pretence that “they compliment your already purchased T-shirt, to give the T-shirt justice you need to have a matching belt and pants”. To give you justice your date will not only agree to going on a date with you she will also try a kiss and perhaps a game of hide the sausage. Letting your target see you in a variety of different situations and contexts within a short period of time will convince them that they know you better and build rapport at an exponentially increasing rate. Moving them from the club you meet them in, to a café next door, to another club down the road, to an ice-cream parlor and then to a park all within the space of 3 hours or so will make them feel like they know you considerably better than if you stayed in the same club the whole night. This is referred to as “Time Bridging” and will take considerable leading on your behalf. It is advised that you isolate them away from their group first and then lead them to different parts of the club you are in before you isolate to places outside. The aim to getting compliance in any context is to start with small steps, which will give you a foot in the door for the more important requests. As mentioned previously, a test done in the USA testing people’s compliance began by getting 100 people to sign a petition stating that they were environmentalists. When researchers went back to the 100 people and asked whether they could put a sign in their front yard with an environmental message 70% complied with the request. When researchers asked an additional 100 person sample the same request without asking them to sign a petition, only 30% complied. The same psychological principles apply to seduction and compliance. Start off small when changing venue and gradually increase the magnitudes of your requests. Every different context they see you in, regardless of how much time you spend in that new environment, will have the same effect as spending a whole date in each new environment. Therefore taking your target to a bar, a café, the beach and
a restaurant will create the same amount of rapport as spending a date at each scenario, this way you are more efficient in your seductions and can speed them up exponentially. TIP: Finding out their goals / visions / wants and discussing ways to make them happen will help you make your target feel that you care about their development and hope to make them better people. Do not get too cheesy about it and never promise to do anything you will not be able to fulfill. TIP: Nicknames, customized handshakes and private jokes are all things that old friends do with each other. If you do this early on, your target will associate these gambits with how their friends make them feel and automatically group you in the same category.
Touching (Kino) Lance Mason from Pickup101 touched upon a crucial element of touching when he spoke at the Cliff’s List Convention ’05. He talked about how you need to make physical contact with your target early on in your interaction as it establishes that you are a touchy-feely kind of guy. This should be done within the first 3 minutes of your interaction because it will feel more awkward if you do it later. Why do you want them to think you are a touchy-feely guy? Because confident people never have a problem with touching anyone. They are constantly doing it to win people over and communicate not only verbally but also physically. It is a level of rapport that most people do not achieve and is usually reserved for the closest people in our lives like friends or family. The beauty of touching them early on is that it builds amazing rapport. Their mind will associate your actions with the closer people in their lives and suddenly you have communicated to their subconscious that you are someone to get close too. Touching is the easiest way of building rapport and then turning it into sexual energy whilst having a natural progression to it. A lot of people make the situation awkward when they go in for some physical contact and this can usually be attributed to two things. Firstly, they hesitate and it shows that they are not genuinely the touchyfeely type. Secondly they break eye contact when they do it and usually look at where their hand is or where it is going. This telegraphs your intention and gives them ample time to pre-empt your advances and cut you off by pulling back. If you maintain unwavering eye contact whilst you
go to touch them you have a 90% chance that you will succeed in your advance.
Where to touch? Escalating simply is starting with small everyday forms of touching e.g. a pat on the back, touch of the shoulder, kiss hello. When one of these is done you can then move to more sensual touching like keeping your hand on the lower part of their back or slipping your arm around their waist. Notice how I said “slipping” rather than placing. One of the best pick-up artists I know is a chap called Alex He can touch women almost instantly and fairly sensually, as he is subtle about his delivery. Most guys are rough when touching women as their fear of rejection makes them want to treat these women as if they were a regular friend. This way if they get called on their advances they can always claim it is just what they do with their mates. The beauty of how Alex works is that if he wishes to hold their hand for instance, he does not just grab it or place hers in his; instead he slides his hand into hers. He starts at her forearm and just moves the two palms together as if they were lubricated by whale fat poached by Japanese scientists. Once again the key to his success is that he does not advert to the touching, he continues talking and acts like it is no big deal and absolutely nothing has happened. Steve, an awesome PUA and one of my favorite wingmen old wingman of mine, can get make-outs in less than 10 minutes through hardcore kino. As he is reciting his opener he is already putting his arm around the lower back of the target. The bolder I see his kino actions are, the more successful he is. Let this be a lesson, take risks! Soe’s Tip: Be careful when placing your hand on the woman’s lower back or around her waist. There is nothing we love more than feeling feminine and that’s what the hand around the waist makes us feel like. The only time this becomes uncomfortable is if we are in a conversation (facing the man) and his hand is left there for too long. You need to escalate gradually e.g. first leave it there for 10 seconds, then fifteen seconds, then thirty etc.
Ven’s Touching Technique A close friend of mine, Ven, is another one of the few people I know who can touch women within 10 seconds of meeting them and have them respond positively. He explained to me that over the years and all his studies of tantra and human interaction, he has realized that the first place women touch men or other females is by gripping their forearm to emphasize a point. When you touch a woman’s forearm (whilst emphasizing a point and maintaining eye contact) a light in their brain
turns on telling them that you are socially savvy with women. You now have differentiated yourself from other men who lack the understanding of how women and their physical advances work. You need to practice this by using your peripheral vision to see where their forearm is if it is hanging down low. Many a time both Ven and I have miscalculated our advances and have put our hands on their stomach or even breasts. Awkward yes, but you can easily get out of it by acting like nothing happened, or by going “oops, my bad” and continuing your interaction. You need to understand that you simply not acting like it is awkward at all can diffuse any awkward situation. You can work people out of their weird states by just acting as normal as possible and getting them involved in conversation.
The Five Levels Of Kino Escalation by Bee Sting
Category 1 -Touch forearm, shoulder, hand Category 2 -High five -Thumb-wrestling -Pinky swears -Poke stomach/tickling -Secret handshake -Palm reading Category 3: -Arm around shoulder -Lean-in hug -Any kino where your hand and fingers slide slowly off -Touch part of her body to test firmness -Palm to palm touching -Drink from her cup or vice versa -Rub arm or shoulder Category 4: -Grab by the waist and pull in -Pick her up -Arm around waist or hand on lower back -Touch back of neck -Touch leg
-She takes a drag while you’re holding the cigarette -Run a finger up and down her spine, or, write words on her back Category 5 -Slap or pinch her butt -Rub leg -Body hug -Bite -Have her sit on your lap -Grab her hand and put it on a part of your body -Both hands on back of her neck -Touch her lips, e.g. put a finger to her lips as if to say “shh” -Cup hand on side of her face
Her body language and Indications of Interest (IOIs) After having read a myriad of different body language books we compiled the most widely accepted interpretations of what a woman’s body is telling you. Crossed Legs- Legs crossed away from you so that the outer thigh is used almost like a barrier is a negative sign. It means they are closed to something you have said and need further reassurance or winning over before you can make a move. It shows defensiveness and aims to protect or shield the person away from harm. Alternatively, legs crossed towards you shows she is comfortable with you and has no need to be defensive, which is a positive sign. Preening Rituals- can include anything your lady does that has to do with her looks. When a woman preens herself through actions like brushing off imaginary dust, playing with her hair or jewelry, or decides to put on more make-up this is usually a very positive sign. These actions are intended to get you attention. For example, she might play with her necklace so you’ll notice her breasts, or flick her hair so you see her neck. Bedroom Eyes- a sideways glance and then looking away just as you catch their view is a common sign of attraction. She will hold the man’s glance just long enough for him to notice and then pull away. Like the cat & string theory mentioned earlier, she gives the man a taste of what is to come and then retracts it. Classic push / pull. Another give away is when her head is tilted downwards but her eyes are slightly closed but looking up at you like a puppy dog who wants a walk. Posture- her leaning in is always a positive sign as it shows she wants to be closer to you. If she hunches herself slightly whilst talking to you it can
usually be inferred that she is seeking approval or feels inferior. Lips- when attraction begins to brew within a person certain chemical reactions, such as the release of dopamine in the brain, follow on to physical reactions. Hairs will stand on end, heart rate will increase and blood will begin to flow into the required places, one of these being the lips. Instinctually we are programmed to react to the size of ones lips. They are sensual and are one of the most commonly exercised erogenous zones. You will not be able to tell if her lips have slightly increased in size but when it happens the blood rushes to them and they tingle. Her automatic reaction is to bite the bottom lip. Licking of the lips or applying some kind of lubricant (e.g. lip gloss) is described by Dr. Desmond Morris as “self mimicry” as it is intended to symbolize the female genital region. This gives the woman the appearance of sexual invitation. Fondling a Phallic Object- cigarettes, wine glasses and straws being stroked can all allude to what is on the woman’s mind. Take note that any one of these signals on its own is insufficient to read your woman. You need to look at 3-4 of these in succession to get a more accurate read. Once you receive between 3-5 IOIs from her, depending on how obvious they are meaning you can make a move after 3, she is usually ready to be kissed. A weaker IOI would be something non-verbal like her legs are crossed in your direction whilst a stronger IOI would be her touching your leg or arm. Her body language can tell you a lot about what she is thinking and feeling. Soe’s Tip: I would like to add that if a woman bends over in front of you, if it is in addition to other signals, it’s an indicator of interest. I am talking about the obvious bum up in the air type of bending over. There are two different types of bending over: one conservative and the other showing the goods. We will never do this if we are not interested because it can attract unwanted attention. If we look at you, bite our lips… and bend over. Yahoo! Party time big boy. Remember, there must be other IOIs.
Playing it safe Think you are being the nice guy? The guy who takes it slow until you are sure she is ready or until her best friend tells you that she is waiting for you to kiss her? This never works past the age of 13, and for all those 13 year olds reading this all I have to say is break the trend. No more hesitating and no more pictures of Pamela Anderson on your wall, those days are over amigo.
Remember this: if you miss the right opportunity to kiss her you have demonstrated that you are not man enough to take what you want when you want it. In effect you have just reduced the attraction she feels for you. If there is a break in the conversation and she continues to maintain eye contact then now is the perfect time to make your move. One of the best kiss-closers I know is my friend Matt. He literally jumps the girl when she is totally unsuspecting and kisses her. They could be walking together, midsentence or even hopping on a bus and he will spring it on them. It takes a lot of balls for some but the results are amazing. The more gallant the move the more they will respect you for it and the less time they will have to think about why they should not kiss you.
Kissing: Making the Move A lot of guys have a fear of rejection hence they rarely make the move to take a relationship further (be it kissing, sex, etc). They are afraid that it is not the right time, they have misunderstood the female’s signals or they think they are not good enough to pull a kiss off. What you need to understand is that in your mind you need to think that it is always on. Miss the opportunity to kiss and you demonstrate that you are a pussy. This being said, there are a few indicators you can look for to help you know when you can kiss her. Quite often girls hold off kissing a guy if they know people will find out. As a general rule, you should isolate your target away from people she knows or take her somewhere private.
The Social, Anti-Social and Intimate Zones The easiest way to escalate any situation is through an awareness of your proximity to your target. Merely lunging in mid-sentence to make a kiss happen can seem awkward and often when you are nervous it is a difficult step to take. The aim is to go for a kiss without giving time to think about. The more obvious it is that you are going to make a move the more time it gives them to think of reasons why they should not reciprocate. There are different levels of social contact which all communicate different things. The anti-social zone is usually the distance (1-2 meters) people stand when they are unsure of the other person, nervous or wary of them. The social zone is referred to as your common “talking distance” and usually is an arms-length away from the other and is used in most every-day situations. The intimate zone is usually a forearms length or less from the other person. The most common mistake people make is that they try to escalate from too far away. They are in the social zone and there is usually a good 3-5 seconds of time between moving in from a
normal conversational stance to the intimate zone. The trick to not being rejected in the escalation phase primarily rests with the intimate zone and getting into that level of proximity and staying there for a fair period of time prior to the kiss. The easiest and most simple way to do this is in a loud environment. Take a nightclub for instance. It is usually impossible to hear anyone talking to you more than a half a meter away. It is expected that one leans in to either hear or talk into another’s ear. But leaning is forbidden in this method (for reasons discussed earlier) so what do you do instead? You move in so that your right shoulder is almost pressing against their right shoulder, you can put your arm around their lower back and position your face side on to theirs so you can talk into their ear. Due to the loudness, you now have a perfectly acceptable reason to get into the intimate zone where the distance between you and a kiss is usually only two inches or so away as opposed to half a meter. The ability to stay and talk in the intimate-zone even for 5-10 minutes before you kiss them can help to make the target feel significantly more comfortable with your encroachments. It can get difficult to find an excuse to move in where noise is not a probable excuse. Some times in contexts of moderate noise you can still tell your target you cannot hear her too well and then make your move into the intimate zone. If it is not a noisy environment you can bring them in tell them a secret. The goal here is never to ask as if to say “Hey come here I want to tell you something”, this tends to be fairly obvious as to what you are up to particularly when you have that same look in your eye Bill Clinton has when he sees an intern smoking a cigar. Tell her, be strong, never assume she will disagree or not be willing to come into you e.g. “Come here, I’ll tell you something crazy”. Here you can slip your hand in behind her back and keep talking as per usual, tell her a joke or even use a disqualifier if she thinks you are making your advance. Another way, regardless of whether there is noise or not, is to make it seem as if you either can’t hear them or even better: you can’t understand what they are saying. HER: So after work I decided to head to this club called the Parthenon near my house for a few cocktails. YOU: What? HER: I headed to the Parthenon for a few drinks YOU: What did you say?
HER: *getting frustrated*:The Parthenon YOU: *moving into the intimate zone*: What? The Path is blonde? HER: The PARTHENON. T*staying in the intimate zone despite it already serving its purpose*: Ah that’s a great place. Too many coke-heads though I can’t have a straight conversation with anyone. This is why it would never work between us, you’d be racking up a line at the bar whilst I’d be trying to talk to you. Don’t get me wrong, you’re cute but I usually don’t roll with drug dealers. Notice how the intimate zone, particularly if you hand around their lower back, is a form of reward; a non-verbal pull. Coupling this with a disqualifier is the verbal push and using them together is a great way to send mixed messages and continue to build attraction. Going into the intimate zone does not necessarily have to be done for a reason. Positioning yourself so your hand is resting on her lower back and you are talking into her ear, your mouth only a few inches away can make the hardest step of going in for a kiss reduced down into a simple and non-confrontational escalation.
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phone numbers & first dates
“Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour talking about myself. It’s kinda like being the guy on a date” Caroline Rhea
Getting Their Number Once your conversation is up and running and you are getting some signs of interest from your target you have now established attraction. e.g. she asks you a question, touches you, smiles, bites her bottom lip, makes sexual innuendos... You now need to communicate your interest to her either by complimenting her on a trait of her personality, by saying you two will make great friends (friends! Not lovers…fly under the radar) or by inserting a sign of sexual interest into another compliment e.g. “You’re great fun, it is rare to meet someone who has sex appeal whilst having a good sense of humour at the same time”. The whole aim to getting a date or a phone number is in being confident about it. How do you appear confident? You tell them what they like, what they will do and how they will do it, rather than asking them.
Here is what an average man would do: Average Man: hey, you’re pretty cool, I was wondering if maybe I can grab your number and if you want we can go out some time? Her: um, I dunno, I’m kinda seeing someone Average Man: oh…ok, well….I meant as friends…you know? Etc… If he does get a number from her she will either never answer, return his calls or she will give him a fake number. The pick up artist has already assumed in his mind (be it true or not) that she would like nothing more than to meet up with him. After all, he genuinely believes he is a great guy who people want to hang out with. In some instances guys go into a denial, thinking they are sexually attractive and that everyone wants them. I personally believe that even though you can get a higher level of confidence being in this denial (as long as you are not overly arrogant) is a beneficial thing because if you genuinely believe something enough, it is contagious and will flow onto the people you talk to particularly if you are passionate about it.
So, the Alpha Male does the following, he tells her how it is going to be: Alpha: you know what *takes his phone out of his pocket whilst still maintaining eye contact with the target* you’re great fun to be around (delivers a compliment to break their defenses), put your number in my phone and I’ll give you a buzz when I’m free *hands her the phone*
An easier way to go about it is to work it into your conversation. If you have been talking about a common interest e.g. let us say you are on the topic of good restaurants you can get her number and date using your topic of conversation as an excuse. Alpha: you have to try this new Moroccan place I’ve found in the City. It is the most amazing food I think I’ve ever had, you’ll love it. *Hands her phone* give me your number and I’ll give you a call next time I head back there
Notice how the alpha male never specifies when he will call.
He is a busy guy, he has many people to call and many people to see. He will call you when he is free. He does not say “I’ll call you at 8:23pm tomorrow night ok?” because who knows, someone better might have come along. Does this sound rude to you? If it does then put your reservations regarding phone etiquette aside. TIP: try asking for their number before the conversation ends. It communicates to the target that your goal was not to get their number rather than build rapport with them. A significant amount of the rapport you have built up whilst in set could be diminished if you do not continue on conversing with your target even after you have number closed. Once again, you are now a pickup artist, you need to do what every other man does not: sticking in after you have got the number is counter intuitive and will reaffirm in their minds that you are not only after one thing. TIP: setting up the date during the interaction gives you face-to-face assurance that you have an arrangement. It saves having to make follow-up phone calls and makes it harder for them to go back on on the arrangement as they have personally looked you in the eye and given their word. Organise the date for something specific rather than to just “hang out sometime”. During an interaction the woman will give you multiple hints about what she likes doing or what she wants to do. The moment one of these comes up you can use it as an excuse to see her. For example: Target: I haven’t been to the zoo in ages / I really want to try African food / I can’t wait until the post-Christmas sales / there are so many good local bands You: I wouldn’t mind doing __________ either, I’m free Tuesday, give me your address and I’ll pick you up at eight and we’ll go
If you make a date for something specific this also makes it harder for her to flake. Remember, the more specific your arrangement the more important she will perceive it to be and the less likely she is to cancel.
Getting the date with minimal rejection: The first call
You have got her phone number, now use it. This means physically calling not sms-ing, emailing or any other form of communication substandard to that of a telephone. Girls often associate text-messaging or internet approaches as weak and lacking in confidence. Furthermore these mediums arguably make it harder to create a more personal connection and allow her time to think about what to say and whether or not to reply. Call the woman and chat to her for about 15 mins one or two days after getting her number. Pick a random topic, I usually like “Can a cat be gay?”, a well known opinion opener by Style6, it is very peculiar and chicks are always talking about relationships and the unknown. Say you were having an argument with a friend and you need her to settle it for you. Also say you “cant talk for long, I’m just driving home”. The purpose of this is not to make the conversation about her; it’s about getting a woman’s opinion and you just happen to call her because you need to kill time during your drive. Doing something else whilst speaking to her implied that you are not desperate and that she is not that important; basically you will play hard to get. Every conversation like any story has its peak; the point where your interest is at its highest. End the conversation as it reaches it peak, just as she starts to really get interested in it and talk about it. This will frazzle her systems. Every single other guy gets a number and the first call they make ends with asking the girl out on a date. If you fail to adhere to this social norm you will demonstrate that you are “not just another regular guy”. She will be surprised and it will help create rapport with her if she feels that you want to get to know her better rather than just get into her beef-curtains. Imagine you’re talking to you best female friend, just assume rapport. If you believe that you are close and on good terms, she will too. More often than not the girl will not remember who you are or what your voice sounds like. Guys fall into the pitfall of having to explain who they are usually before they even ask. Having to say “Hey, It’s Jim, you know, the guy from the nightclub last night” is pretty awkward. By volunteering this extra information it shows that you assume people will not remember you and this is not an attractive trait. Creating nicknames at the time of getting their number will avoid all this.
Nicknames By T
Create a nickname for the target either before or during your number close. These nicknames do not have to be clever, witty or funny but merely different. Their sole purpose is to stick in the target’s mind and associate you and only you with that nickname. When you call the target instead of explaining who you are and making your first call awkward, all you have to do is say “Hi *nickname* it’s *your name*”. The more obscure the nickname the more chance they will remember you. When you are number closing, a common excuse I use to invent a nickname is that I already have another person with the same name as them in my phone. One girl called Nicole was wearing a lacey top that she obviously thought was quite sexy. I managed to work a Neg into her nickname too by calling her “Gothic Nicole” because of all the lace. I could have called her Lingerie Nicole but that would telegraph my intentions and let her know that she is no longer chasing me. The next few times I called her I would always bust her balls on being gothic: T: hey, gothic Nicole, it’s T, how are you etc Keep in mind that if you create the nickname when your interaction with the target is at its peak all the emotional associations (attraction, rapport, etc) that they feel at that time will now be instilled in the nickname you give them. Simply put: every time you call them by that nickname it will respark the same emotions they had at the time they first heard it. This can help insure against having to re-create all the attraction they had for you initially and will save a lot of time and awkwardness. Remember, the nicknames do not have to be overly impressive. Even if the target is wearing a pink top and her name is Stephanie you can call her “Pink Stephanie” and this tactic will still work.
The Second Call: Telling Her Rather Than Asking Her Call her back 2-3 days later and say “I can’t stay long but what are your plans on Sun / Mon / Tues / Wed(pick one)”. These are not major nights of the week and reduce your chances of her being busy. At the same time it lets her know that you are probably busy on the major nights and currently do not put such a great emphasis on your relationship with her to be spending a major night of the week on her.
If she says she is busy then ask “When are you free next?” This gives her an indefinite time period and stops you appearing needy by cycling through the days. “Well how about Wed then? No? Oh well how about Thurs? Fri even?” It is not a good look. She is forced to answer as she cannot be busy forever... Secondly you are technically not asking her out on a date, rather you are implying your intentions to date her by not labeling it as a date per se. This is essential if you wish to continue flying under the radar. Agree on a day, then you set the time and place to meet. Just say “I’ll meet you at 8 outside the _________”. Do not ask her what she wants to do and do not tell her what you are going to do. Say it’s a surprise. The aim here is to act like every woman would be grateful to date you; rejection and uncertainty should never enter your mind. You should convey this confidence to your woman by saying you are seeing her rather than asking to see her. Only insecure men say things like “Well, I was wondering, um, maybe we can go out sometime, like meet up for a drink or something?” You are confident and need to take charge, tell them how it is rather than wait for them to show you the way. The beauty of mentioning a surprise is that you exploit two mental hardwires in your woman’s brain that are standard to all of us: 1) We all hate missing opportunities, even if we do not want the opportunity to begin with. For example, we will want a snickers bar over a mars bar if we know snickers will not exist tomorrow. This is also a common marketing technique, which you will see marked by “limited edition” products. Why else do you think gold coke bottles or tour T-shirts at a concert sell so well? 2) A lot of us still retain childish mentality of wanting to do the opposite of what we are told, yet when a “surprise” is offered our will is held hostage as our curiosity will get the best of us. So offer the woman a surprise. The beauty here is not the surprise itself but rather the curiosity that brews within the woman. It can lower her defenses and greatly increase the potency of the other techniques you will use.
This surprise can come in a variety of forms: Begin a story and tell them they will hear the finish of it next time you see
them. Do it at the end of the night and make it enthralling. This is done not so much through the content of the tale but how you deliver it (see “Telling a Good Story” page 162). Meet them but do not tell them where you are heading. Let them find out once they get there. Offer them a surprise before your date e.g. “I’ll meet you Tuesday at 8, be prepared, I have surprise for you, but I’ve got to run now so see you then”. On the date either: do not give it to them till the next date or give them a present (at the end of the night) that has no monetary value but has a good story behind it. I usually give them a peculiar bracelet that I pick up cheap at the local markets, accompanied with this “amazing” story of how I came to have it. Take them somewhere new and different as if it had just occurred to you. Some examples could be a Moroccan tea house, ferry trip, or the zoo. Don’t do coffee! Do not make them think your time together revolves around her. Appear to be the hunted, not the hunter. Suddenly reveal some secret, (make sure it is not anything negative) Occasionally have a pre-planned surprise. What often seduces people is the feeling that you have spent some time on their behalf. But don’t boast about the effort you put into it. Try to take her on an emotional rollercoaster; make her feel a variety of different emotions. Meet her outside the supermarket and tell her the surprise is that you are going grocery shopping. She will no doubt be a little disappointed. Then once you are done pretend to drive her home and end up at a surprise destination. This is proven to reduce flakes (when girls cancel arrangements or stand you up) and I find it can also help with changing them to another venue. I am sure you can find many more applications. The surprise though, needs to have her excited. So hype it up a bit. -Venues: places which are counterintuitive and don’t make it ‘about her’. Clothes shopping, Woolworth’s, IKEA, ferries, zoo, markets, beach… -Taking her out of her comfort zone, getting her to rely on you: social proof bars, your work (if its in hospitality), parties…
The anti-flake messaging system A “Flake” is a girl who fails to turn up to arrangements, hence the term “flaking” being used as synonym to being “stood up” on a date.
Girls flake for two reasons:
Firstly, you did not build enough attraction for them initially and you ended your interaction or called them too early before they had enough incentive to see you. Secondly, she is flaky by nature. Some girls have personalities that are so unpredictable, illogical or inconsiderate that not only will they flake on you but also on their family, friends and even their gynecologist. Either way, don’t take it to heart as a rejection…do not ever take rejections to heart. You are a PUA, you now possess the skill set to replenish any options that have not come to fruition. What if she was really hot? What if you talked for two hours and you think she is ‘the one’? What if you have red spots on your wang and you want to know what the fuck they are? You then have one last chance. Never call them to organize another arrangement; they need to call you and apologize. If she flakes, follow the process below.
After they Flake If she flakes give her a call, tell her you didn’t see her outside the coffee shop at 8pm (or wherever your meeting spot was). She will most likely reply with: “Oh, didn’t you get my message, I left it on your phone” “I’m so sorry I totally forgot” “I’ve been really sick” “I thought we were meant to meet next week?” “You were meant to call to confirm” “I didn’t get out of work until 10pm ok, I’m sorry” “I lost my phone and didn’t have your number” These are 99% of the time bullshit. If someone genuinely cares about meeting or has any remote sense of etiquette they would at least message or call you from a friend’s phone. The more insecure you are the more you will try to side with their excuse and justify it to yourself. A voice in your head will say “That has happened to me once, so I guess I should let her off”. Here is how you tell if she’s lying. After she gives you her excuse just go
silent. Do not say a word until she says something. This is a technique I learned in negotiating course to psyche out your opposition once they make you an offer. Go dead silent and just wait till they crack. Most people, particularly if they have done something wrong, will feel the guilt eating away at them until they crack. Girls who flake are usually insecure or rude because they are on a power trip. Them flaking on you makes them feel powerful but someone who needs to get power through degrading others is weak and weak people crack easily. If she doesn’t pour out with the truth or maintains her story there is a chance her excuse was legitimate. Everyone deserves a second chance, but make her earn it. If you were going to pick her up from work now she will have to meet you at your work. If she wants to go to the movies you are now going fishing because she owes you one.
Flake Recovery By T
This tactic relies on the assumption that you are flaking on them even after they have flaked on you. Confused yet? Let me explain. If you feel she will flake, send her a text-message an hour before you two are designated to meet. Tell her that you may be a little late as something important has come up. Not specifying what the issue is usually makes their mind think about what you are doing and why it is more important than them. This increases your value in her eyes, as she is made aware that you have more important things in your life other than her. If you get a reply to the message this improves your chances of her meeting up with you. If not continue on to step two to make sure. The original meeting time arrives but you already are planning on being ten minutes late (in accordance with your message). Send her a second message saying “Hey I should be coming soon. Are you there yet? Call me when you get this” The beauty of designing an open-ended question is that it prompts them to respond. Other questions that merely state that you “will be ten minutes late” do not deserve a response especially to busy or lazy people. She is now being forced into an arrangement she would usually flake on. If she decided not to go and is still out shopping or at home she will usually respond by saying that she is running late too and will most likely ask if you can push the time back a half an hour. If she rings it is usually a certainty that she will be coming or has decided to come. If it is 15 minutes past your agreed time there is a very slim chance that she will turn up. Do not bother turning up yourself as if she has not taken the
consideration to message you about being late. Consider if she the kind of person you want to be around. Sure there is the chance that she left her phone at home but it’s highly unlikely and if this is the case you still have acted (on face value) in a polite and reasonable fashion. You will find that if they did genuinely flake on you with full intention not to turn up then you flaking on them can often lead to them wanting to see you for a second arrangement. Flaking can often be attributed to a power thing, women thinking that they are either uncomfortable around the guy or that they are not attracted enough to him to turn up. Either way, you flaking on them will spark attraction within them as they will begin to realize that you were not as into them (or as desperate) as they thought you were.
Recovering from a Flake If you decide to speak to her again once she has cancelled on you there needs to be a strong sense of composure communicated whilst subtlety reprimanding her for her poor behaviour. Telling her you are angry or that she is rude is not what an alpha male does. An alpha male has a multitude of options that are all as interesting as each other. You were planning on taking Katrina to the zoo on Saturday however she calls you on Friday night telling you she cannot make it because she forgot she had other plans. Instead of getting angry about the zoo and telling her you never wanted to visit her parents anyway, you take the high road and act as if you have many other good plans to go to. Here your counter intuitiveness is key. Here’s what your standard male would do: Katrina: Hey sorry I won’t be able to make it tomorrow, I’ve got something I need to do which I double booked. Sorry! That sucks, why what’s up? Um…it’s a friend’s going away party, I forgot about, really sorry. That’s ok I guess these things happen, what time does it finish perhaps we can go out after? It would probably go all night
Ok…so when are you free next? I don’t know, I’m really busy Wednesday’s good for me? I’m really busy, I’ll give you a call when things clear up Ok sure look forward to hearing from you
Will she ever call you back? By this stage of your learning I hope you have realized that this is the wrong way to go about it and you would have more chances discovering what is really in KFC’s 11 Secret Herbs and Spices before you find out her real reason for canceling. Here is one way you can use her cancellation to your advantage: Hey sorry I won’t be able to make it tomorrow, I’ve got something I need to do which I double booked. Sorry! Ah great you’re a life saver Um…what? I realized I double booked myself to see a movie with Amber tomorrow after the zoo. Now I don’t have to rush cause I probably would have missed the previews and I’m one of those few people who love previews. Well of course, you have to know what’s on next. Who’s Amber? Well…I guess you could call her a friend. Oh, cool. Well do you want to reschedule for Sunday?
And now you have just circumvented her cancellation. Let’s go back and briefly look at the reason why this worked.
She cancels and not only are you not upset you’re happy (counter intuitive). Additionally you let her know that if she’s discourteous you will now see another girl. This communicates to her that she’s not yet special enough to get away with these indiscretions and that she can be easily replaced; you are now in high demand. Social proof begins to play a part as Katrina’s competition is threatening to take her catch.
Last Minute Resistance It is not uncommon for girls to tell you to stop or to go slower. Often you might be kissing them and proceed to undo their bra or pants and they will say something along the lines of “This is wrong” or “We should stop”. As with every aspect of your seduction you need to be counter intuitive. Think: “What would the average man do here and what would the PUA do?” 99% of the time the average man will be so horny and frustrated that he will start to beg or ask ultra-politely to get into her pants: “Please babe? I swear you will like it, let me just try it a little and if you don’t like it we can stop, I promise”. Once you begin to beg, ask or even advert to the fact that you really want to get it on with her you have now come across as needy and desperate, thereby killing all the attraction you spent hours building up. If the girl says something like “This is wrong” the PUA would continue kissing her and instead of begging he would agree with her “Yes you’re right”. This is maintaining the same mindset that you learnt earlier with mixed messages and push / pull. Verbally agreeing is the push yet continuing to kiss them / touch them is the pull. Mixed messages will help create attraction at the time it is needed most. Take important note though, “we shouldn’t do this” is very different to “no we’re not doing this”. If she says no and you continue, you are now a rapist. You need to gauge whether she is feeling naughty or self conscious as opposed to not wanting to continue being physical with you. When in doubt, stop or de-escalate down a step to where she is comfortable. If you feel that tonight may not be the night she wants to go to bed with you then you can do the following, which I mentioned earlier on in the book: In the Bedroom (touched upon in ‘T’s take-aways’): When you get to the foreplay stage with your woman and everything points towards sex you need to get them excited. As this is not the playboy forum I will not go into gory details as to how you physically do that but
I am sure you can use your imagination (and have used it in the past *slap*slap*). Once she seems to be getting into it (any form of foreplay or flirting) pull back and say: You: sorry this is moving too fast for me Her: (having never heard a man say that in his life): are you serious? What’s the problem? You: I really want to stay but I made a promise to myself that I won’t have sex until the _________ date Her: are you kidding me? You: I’m serious, I like you too much to rush through with things No man will have ever done this to her in her life, you will leave her unbelievably horny which she will continue to associate with you the subsequent times you see her and well after you do have sex. I can tell you that if done correctly, that feeling they have will last every day until the next time they see you and quite often will result in you getting laid within minutes of next seeing her (assuming you are in the right location). You may be asking “Why wouldn’t I just take the sex on the first opportunity?” The answer is simple: most women, during foreplay and just before sex, will become uncertain and put up their defenses as they will feel like a slut (see ‘Last Minute Resistance’). Even though there are some things you can do to alleviate this feeling it is a lot easier to prevent it than to fix it. This will turn the girl you are with into your FB or girlfriend with greater ease than if you have a one night stand and try to take it further. Women can feel like sluts if you escalate the situation too quickly and they follow through. They will develop ‘Buyer’s Remorse’ and not see you again. If you and your target only want a one night stand then you can still use this application however just as you are walking to the door come back, open her legs and close the deal. In this instance you almost beat them to it. They will be so shocked, this will quell their fears of being perceived as cheap and they will realize that they do not have absolute power in determining whether you two have sex. This is a huge turn on for them. You also demonstrate that you are different to all the other men who want them for a one-night stand. You are no longer the average man so why go about your seductions in an average way. Be counterintuitive . The more she feels you want to have sex with her the more she will realize that she can play with you to boost her ego. However not all women would
think that maliciously. Others may feel repulsed at how much you want to have sex. For them, the whole time they were chasing you and loving it; but now the chase is over. You always need to make them feel that they never fully have you because it keeps things interesting. You may also come across as creepy if you push too hard for sex. Whenever you have come to the end of the road with your target and all you need to do now is close the deal, control yourself. Sit back and think about how you would act if you had a thousand other women even better than this one waiting for you outside to come and satisfy them. Then act from that mindset. Usually if you have made it so far as to get to a bedroom with her she is most likely interested in having sex yet she does not want to feel like she is being used or that she is a slut. The more you act like sex is some big deal and make it really extravagant with many candles, incense, bed sheets made into some origami paper crane and sexy music playing, you can easily scare her into thinking that this amount of preparation means that what you are about to do is a big deal. And big deals take big thinking. If you feel they are nervous go as far as you can with them, even it means simply rubbing their nether-region on the outside. Continue doing this until you feel they are getting really horny and then, just like the takeaway mentioned above, stop before they peak. You will find that you can break through any last minute resistance through getting them so into what you are doing at the time (kissing, rubbing, licking) and then stopping it as they really start to get into it. Stopping it does not mean pulling away and going off to do something else like watching TV (however this can work and is referred to as a “freeze out”). I prefer to go from kissing them ultra-passionately to just stroking their leg. They will go in to kiss you again and as long as you end the kiss, stroking or otherwise first you will demonstrate a greater sexual power over them, which will provide the much-needed final attraction boost. Soe’s Tip: This was used on me (as practically everything else) and I fell for it…to my embarrassment. But I am proud to say that I noticed him stopping right in the middle of a kiss, it felt unnatural and pissed me off. I think that when kissing a girl, there is a natural progression: after the peak, it naturally gets slower and then stops. Stopping the kiss first is a must but you take control of when to start the de-escalation and then end it before she does. Pulling away as if to make a ‘clean break’ will come off as if you were repulsed by something.
{the final process} You’ve learnt a lot, now it is time for the final process; a framework by which you can put all these ideas into action. The last thing you want is not to have any guidance in your interactions. This is the basic process you can now follow, the majority of what is in this book can be used anywhere within these 10 steps. For each step I have plucked the most pivotal theories already mentioned in this book and condensed them so you can sort the essentials from the advanced material. These are all the steps you can actually go through whilst you are in a pickup situation.
that I personally have seen work a minimum of 85% of the time for all the students I have taught. Touch them usually as you open or just after Open: direct opener Gambit: throw in a gambit to reduce the seriousness of the interest and to maintain a light and fun vibe. Tease them (push) Reward them for something (pull) PBE (personal broad experience) to get the conversation flowing Interest: let them know you want to be more than friends Escalate: increase your touching, isolate your target, kiss them, take them home Here’s a real life example of the process that has worked on one well known model. The approach below is by one of my students, after having already gone through the first two steps: T:*touches her arm to get her attention*I saw you from over there and I wanted to come say hi (direct opener) Liz: Hi there T: I’m going to take a guess here and say you’re in accounting (gambit) Liz: I’m actually a model by day. What makes you think that? T: The pinstripe outfit would be a give-away, you might be a model by day but deep down you’re inner-gangster is trying to get out. I haven’t seen stripes like that since old Al Capone movies. (tease) Liz: True, I’ve always had a thing for mafia movies T: That’s so cool (reward), I pick you as a huge Scarface fan Liz: Pacino’s amazing and I like his work but Casino would have to be my favourite T: No way! (disagreeing with her to keep it interesting) Totally incomparable with Scarface. However I did see Casino last week. I love watching a movie like that where the acting is so good that you feel as if you were actually there and for the rest of the day you can’t help talking
like the main character (PBE) Liz: Trust me I know the feeling, I had that with Bridget Jones’ Diary. It was so embaressing. T: It will never work out between you and I (push), I just can’t handle that English accent. I’d never be able to take you to any good movies as each Te I’d have to have to pray you wouldn’t adopt a bad accent (disqualifier). God help me if I took you to the Borat movie, you’re cute (interest / pull) but your not worth days of a Khazakstanian accent (push). Liz: Haha OK I’ll try my best to be a good girl and keep the Australian thing going for as long as possible (validating herself to me) T: Hmm
*I move into the intimate zone placing slipping my hand around her lower back and positioning my mouth next to her ear as if I’m about to whisper a personal secret* T: I’ll tell you a secret, I’m a sucker for the American accent (challenging her) Liz (putting on a Texan accent): Oh really well I guess I have to be extra careful then T: So when’s the next rodeo? (role play coupled with sexual innuendo) Liz: I don’t think you could handle it (shit test) T: I handle what needs to be handled (mixed message), I can tell there’s a little part of you that would love to have grown up in the country (coldreading) Liz: I’m a city girl now but I like to escape on the weekends to the Hunter Valley (common Australian tourist destination) T: If that’s the case I’m going call you Wendy-Sue(nickname), the adventurous girl from country (framing her). Put your number in my phone (commanding voice / pull) Wendy-Sue and I’ll give you a call next time I need my cattle herded (push). Liz: I don’t know how my boyfriend would like that (shit test) T: He’ll love it, bring him along to the ranch (counter intuitive / indifference) Liz: It’s a deal. So where is this ranch?
T: Wherever I want it to be (mixed messages), but before I take you I need a bourbon and coke to decide, if you were a gentleman you would’ve offered by now (making social norms obvious). Liz: Coming right up, I’ll be back with it in a second
She bought me a drink and came back with another guy I’ve never seen before. Liz: This is…. AMOG: Paul Stefford, accountant T (putting on my best Cowboy accent): Pleasure to meet you. I’m Butch Cassidy, ranch-hand (making fun of his approach, incorporating a personal joke with Liz back into the conversation to alienate the AMOG) AMOG: Don’t fuck around mate, what’s your real name? (Hostility) T: I like the whole assertive thing (Killing him with kindness) don’t you Liz Liz (sarcastically): oh yes, loving it T: You know what else I love, dancing (guiding the topic away from the AMOG to something generic)
I grabbed Liz’s hand and twirled her and positioned myself between her and the AMOG so my back was facing him to freeze him out. AMOG: Excuse me buddy, you want to move out my way? (demonstrating lower value) T: Shit, if he gets this antsy over dancing (framing him) how on earth will he survive at the ranch? (personal joke to exclude him from the conversation) Liz: I don’t think it will work, the ranch isn’t a place for accountants anyhow (rejecting the AMOG after he demonstrated lower value) T: It was nice talking to you Paul, I’m going to introduce Liz to my friends over there and we’ll be back (pointed to a group of a dozen large men who I didn’t know)
Liz and I proceeded to walk over to the group of men. T: Considering you’re not single, let’s find you a suitable man-on-the-side.
How about that one (Gambit) I pointed to a drunk fellow asleep on the couch. She laughed and I proceeded to open the group of men using Liz as my social proof. The men were caught off guard when we approached them and I made no efforts to contribute to the conversation. They could not maintain the interaction and consequently ejected. This worked in my favour as it communicated that I was considerably different to the standard guy in the nightclub. I saw Liz the following Tuesday. She never had a boyfriend. The rest was history.
Physical push-pull whilst kissing I’ve found that whilst kissing a girl you can significantly reduce her resistance and continue to build attraction through non-verbally pushing / pulling her during the kiss. Kissing is one of the best rapport and attraction builders you can do. But what differentiates a good kiss from an average one can be answered through sending her mixed messages (discussed earlier) and continuing to build attraction during the kiss. The aim is to pull her towards you with one part of your body whilst pushing her away with the other. For instance: you can use your left hand to pull her head tighter onto your mouth whilst your right hand is pushing her hip away from you. Alternatively put your arm around her waist, pull her in tight towards you yet then lean back so she is forced to lean into you to keep kissing. The arm around the waist will show her that you are still interested and will mitigate the severity of you leaning back. Unlike most types of push / pull this technique relies on you pushing and pulling at the same time, not consecutively. Physical push / pull is considerably more effective as it is more subtle and easier to implement than it’s verbal counterpart. How does this reduce her resistance to you escalating the situation (such as moving from kissing to foreplay)? Simple: 1) If you are kissing her, pulling her onto your lips, yet leaning back at the same time, she won’t think twice about leaning into you and your space: you non-verbally lure her into being subservient. Body language has a profound effect on determining how you think. By her torso / mouth leaning into your personal space her body language is communicating that she is the one who is chasing you. Alternatively you leaning in to the target anytime during your seduction, be it when approaching or kissing, will communicate neediness on your behalf.
2) You send mixed messages: a key tool in building attraction and mystery. No regular man would do this; you are demonstrating that you are different in a counter-intuitive way. 3) This technique will allow you to sexually escalate at a far greater rate as it insures against her conscience telling her “Shit! This is moving too quick. If I let him continue at this rate I will feel cheap, I had better push him away and make him work for it like an kid in a sweatshop”. Your next advance (be it foreplay or otherwise) will appear less forward as it is quelled by you pushing her away. She will think “he doesn’t want me, he’s pushing me away with his other hand, I need to try harder to win his approval”. Both results cancel each other out and build / maintain her comfort level as she wont feel as cheap or think as hard about “letting you feel her up”. Pushing her away will make her want to let you try her out some more so you will fully physically accept her. Women hold checks and balances when it comes to escalations. If you escalate too quickly, if they ALLOW you to escalate too quickly or if they escalate too early the slut tally in their heads will not weigh in your favour. It will tell them “I’ve let him do too much to early, he needs to feel like he’s earned it so he will continue respecting me, I had better tone it down”. You need to take responsibility for ALL the escalating, it is almost as if they don’t have a choice. The moment they feel like they’ve given in to you too much they will panic and their defenses will skyrocket. If they have not explicitly said “no sex” but you feel they may or they have implied it by pushing your hand away you can always screw with their circuits by being the first to say “Don’t think we’re having sex tonight babe”. This will shock the hell out of them. A lot of PUAs say that we can convince women to do anything but when it comes to sex that is always solely up to them, that is the one place women will always retain power. I choose not to believe that. By you deciding when the two of you will have sex by saying “I don’t have sexuntil the 3rd date” you now have the power. Even if you want to have sex with them now and it is not the third date you still can regardless of what you said. You can literally be leaving her place, at the door on the way out and they look at her and say “fuck it” and start kissing her all over again, bring her back to the bedroom and try for sex again. I guarantee you it will be considerably easier because now, in her mind, you are letting her have sex with you. Not the other way around. Additionally verbal reassurances and playing it cool can reduce any last minute resistance. Many times I have honestly looked at a woman and said, “I don’tcare if we have sex tonight or not, I’m just happy to have met you”. This canhelp to alleviate women’s biggest fear: that they are being used for their body. Acting totally indifferent towards sex with them can be
a good blow to their ego. They will begin to think that perhaps you are not attracted to them and will often make them try harder to win you over. Soe’s Tip: Also used on me, this worked like a charm. I generally enjoy sex and I was unbelievably attracted to T even though I was shy and worried about my urge to have sex with him so quickly. Never ask about what you can do to her, just do it and then if they say no stick with foreplay for a while. Just warm her up more with things less than sex and then try again. If you ask women they will generally say no because they do not want to be responsible for the escalation as they will feel cheap. This is a very delicate situation. You need to read her body language and just do, not ask. If she is receptive (e.g. smiling, enjoying herself) continue, if she looks unhappy or says ‘no’ then never continue. If she enjoys the foreplay stick with that but the same principle applies, if she says no to foreplay as well then back off. When in doubt in the bedroom, do not continue.
{miscellaneous}
“I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met” Steven Wright
Maintaining a Successful Relationship and Your Personal Growth When does the game end? The general status quo is that all these tips and tricks stop once you have sex with them. But is this the case when you want more than a one-night stand? The primary thing to remember is what got you to this point to begin with: your tactics got you where you are. If you have a good thing, stick with it, although the way you approach your relationship will see your techniques tend to differ in style and potency. They will become not only more dilute but also more subtle. What you need to be aware of is that the better you get with your seduction the less you should rely upon the tactics you learnt and concentrate on your inner game. The tactics you have learnt in this book, if practiced, will absorb themselves into your personality eventually making your seductions automatic and seemingly effortless. The most important thing that will happen to you in the long term is that not only will you know what you want you will also know what you do not want, which is more important. You will have established standards of what you will and will not put up with and you will be centered. To expand on this idea of being “centered”, it primarily has to do with the frame of mind you are in not only with your seductions but also in all other areas of life. The techniques you have learnt will kick start a new process within your life, one of growth that every pick up artist goes through. The journey from being the average male to one who no longer relies on externalities, like how many friends you have, how many women you have bedded or how many meat pies you can eat in 15 minutes, to determine how happy you are. I want to make you aware of these stages so you can consciously realize where you are in your progression and minimise the inefficiencies you will run into.
The image above gives a general chronological sequence of events, which is undergone by a person who learns the Ask T Method of seduction or any other. Having studied a variety of methods, locking myself in my room for 6 weeks (which is not uncommon amongst beginner PUAs) and learning everything that I could possibly comprehend all negatively
affected my game, self-esteem and personality. As much as I will tell you to do ninety percent practice and ten percent learning you cannot help human nature. People told me the same but if you have a desire within you that you are that passionate about then nothing anyone will say will help you. For this reason I will not stop by telling you to do it in a 90:10 ratio, I’ll help you through the process if you are going to go through every mistake possible. The problem with too much study is that your brain thinks too much whilst in set. Sure having a conscious knowledge of your target, her reactions and what you need to do to counter them is healthy but too much knowledge too early on, can see you approaching, thinking way too much, stalling out, getting rejected and then being amazingly depressed. I promise you that there will come a point where you say “After all this learning, all this investment, I am still getting blown out of sets. Either there is no answer to seduction or I am simply beyond help”. If you think you cannot be helped, that you are THE WORST candidate to be a PUA, grab David DeAngelo’s ‘Deep Inner Game’. Most of it bores me to tears: you are not to watch it for the purposes of improving your inner game but to see one guy called Sean interviewed. He is by far the most inspirational PUA I’ve ever seen. A guy who had deep depression and suicidal tendencies all coupled with a severe growth deficiency restricting him to a wheel chair. This is not your average sleazy Oprah success story even if it sounds like one when I write it; I cannot give it justice. Sean changed his mindset to an extent that he used his disability to help succeed above able-bodied PUAs. His strength of character in accepting his weaknesses and being able to laugh about them is such a respectable and attractive quality that how can he not be successful? Anyhow, I’m ranting, if you are at that point in your life where you feel you are at rock bottom watch this guy Sean talk on this DVD set, get rid of all the negative influences in your life from your phone book and give me a call if you really feel you need serious help. Once you get rejected after all your learning, the only place to go is to break down your seductions into a process, practice one thing at a time. Opening, then a time constraint, early kino, eye contact, tonality, etc… Work on each progressively until you feel it is almost automatic and then you can progress. If you find you cannot get past one issue (also referred to as a “sticking point”) then do a workshop with a professional or the cheaper but less effective option is to go onto www.bristollair.com, find your city’s “lair” which is just an internet forum of like-minded gentlemen where you can ask them questions and get them to take you out. The pickup community is a brotherhood. There is no greater bonding experience than picking up women together and helping each other improve.
Many lairs are fairly closed towards new members, for this reason join www.fastseduction.com if you are unable to be apart of your local pickup community. Self-review is the most potent learning tool you will come across. If you come to the point where you are sitting back thinking “Shit, I seriously have no idea what I am doing wrong”, do not get frustrated. Get help as mentioned above. Once this happens your confidence will grow exponentially with each success. Keep in mind that merely delivering an opener and getting a response is a huge jump from not talking to people at all, so really you will have a lot of success very early on. You will get what is referred to as beginner’s luck. Why is it that the first time you played tennis you beat your experienced friend or the first time you flew a kite it worked perfectly but the next few times it was not as easy. The reason is that in all areas of life you use your basic instincts when you are starting out. You do not think too much and just go with it and as a result you adapt quite quickly and achieve success. Once you are at the peak of your “beginner’s luck” you will regress, you will think too much about what you did right or what you can do better. This is a natural learning process. Be aware of it so when it happens (sometimes it does not happen and this is ok too) you will know that it is just the natural ebb and flow of learning and not you doing any serious fuck ups. As confidence increases so will your arrogance. The speed at which you improve will almost make you feel invincible; you will begin to think that you can seduce anyone. This belief will, ironically, get you the results. When I had this undying belief that I was invincible, this arrogance got me married women, engaged women, 27-year-old virgins and even once the blessing from a boyfriend to be with his woman. You will do amazingly however the moment you get rejected, you are fucked. You will crash and hit rock bottom again because your confidence did not come from a secure place even if it felt amazing. You will be cut down to size and realize that being an asshole the whole time works on girls who are not generally nice or secure people anyhow. Sure they may be hot but they usually have issues of their own if they need to be pushed away to feel loved. Now your real growth starts, you begin to mix your old nice guy, with your new asshole to form a new man. One who is playful, who knows what he wants and most importantly what he does not. Your self-esteem will grow and you will be able to deal with rejection in a more wholesome way. Sure it will still suck, it will always suck but you realize more and more that a fair percentage of people either are not inherently nice or have an issue in their lives that you cannot solve. If you really want them you can still get them, it will just be more a more arduous seduction that will take more
time and effort. Once this occurs you will become naturally attractive. All the tactics you have learnt will seep into your personality, you will not remember all of them but most will just attach themselves to your natural skill set. You will no longer criticize yourself for your failures but rather reframe them into positive thoughts. The practical tips and tricks you have learnt like the “handshake” or the right places to take them to on dates will not be with you all the time but you will find they will automatically pop into your head at times when you will need them. You will come to the point where you believe you can seduce any woman; you will walk down the street happy that anyone can be yours for the picking. Now you have real power. Not only can you get on well with men but you can seduce women and yet you do not feel the need to be malicious. Every time you walk into a strange room or club you will not be scared or anxious, you feel as if you are walking in with a loaded gun. You’ve seen it all before, rejections, AMOGs, bitches… and you can deal with it. Now you will get complacent. One-night stands, playful banter with targets and first dates will seem like an effort and they won’t excite you as much anymore. You are now getting to the point where you no longer need sexual results or externalities to determine your happiness. You will begin to look for a long term relationship and guess what, with you new skills you can easily begin to sift through the average matches and find the diamonds in the rough. You need to try before you buy. It personally took me five years to find the first girlfriend who I was content with. Five years of sifting through thousands of women, having thousands of conversations, dates and diseases (just kidding…protection! Always!) I find a good indicator is whether you feel like you need to work at keeping the conversation going. If you are sitting with her and do not even advert to thinking about “What to say next” and more importantly having the motivation to continue talking to her without feeling bored then you have a keeper. The biggest problem with being successful in the game is that YOUR interest is gone once they are in the palm of your hand. I believe the game is over FOR YOU once there is no more seducing left to do, they have become attached to you to an extent that you are a serious everyday part of their lives. I have found, particularly after reading Greene’s “The Art of Seduction” that ultimately you will like it more when a girl is running her game on you: cold shoulders, holding out on sex, being unavailable etc. All the things we overtly hate yet covertly make us want them more. You need to make the choice: mind games and anxiety coupled with high attraction or normal attraction with no worries. Having said this, the game never ends for us, but it does for women... and
that’s a big problem in maintaining your attraction. However do you need to make a conscious effort to keep your theories going? Usually not, as these attractive qualities are now inherent in your personality. If you do feel her slipping in some regards then you need to pick up your act again, but only for the short term. Keeping your (natural) game running will prevent your woman from being poached. I used to be the jealous type; I would threaten people and / or turn their friends against them the moment my female showed the slightest interest. When you keep the game going (even subconsciously) jealously WILL disappear, everyone else is a beta male and as arrogant as it sounds you will know deep down that if it comes to it you can take on any guy who is after your girl, even a PUA. Why a PUA? If you have built such deep rapport with a girl it is going to be very hard to break that in a short period of time unless the PUA is one of the best out there and usually pickup-gurus have enough respect to leave someone’s girl alone if they genuinely feel they are in a healthy relationship. Having said that I pulled my current girlfriend out of a 5-year engagement. She was in love with this guy however after meeting her I realized what she thought was happiness (regardless of the love she felt for him) was really a toxic dynamic between the two of them. What gives me or you the right to decide whether to end a relationship? To play judge, jury and executioner? Nothing. A lot of people call me unethical in the way I deal with taken women however my own ethical barometer tells me that if their relationship is that good then they can withstand any advances no matter how potent. Furthermore I believe PUAs acting in this fashion acts as an incentive for all men to treat their women right and keep them happy. Too often I see women in love with assholes that treat them poorly and I feel that you should have no reservations in breaking up a relationship which is toxic if you can and are prepared to show the women that what she thinks is happiness is in fact nowhere close to where she could emotionally be. This is a lesson for you too. Treat your women well not only out of respect for them (only if they are deserving of your respect) but also by realizing that every time you unjustifiably step out of line you open the door for a better man to come and snipe your woman. Trust me, it will happen.
The Mindfuck As stated previously, do not try to learn every single tactic and use all of them in every set you do. You will become a social robot, get shitty results and stall out because you will be thinking too hard. This state is what we call the mindfuck. Read the theories, test them and they will automatically pop into you
brain when you are in set. If they do not come to you right away then just continue on as normal with your conversational techniques. Every successful theory, tactic and PUA used three concepts to be successful: They are counter intuitive They are playful and light They genuinely do not care if the person does not like them; they are actually surprised when someone gives them a rude reaction. If you feel the need to burn concepts into your brain, make it these three only, and avoid the mindfuck.
Breakup Recovery Some people say the best way to get over someone is to still see them post-breakup but once a week, then once a month, then once a quarter etc. This is not usually as practical as everyone would like. Other say have sex with 3 new people (standards aside) even if you do not fully put your heart into it or if you wish it was your ex. This can work but it is not fool proof. These are two options for you, however in the most serious cases I have seen the most effective method is quite simple: do exactly what you did before you were a couple. I do not mean for you to take this literally to every extent as everyone’s life changes every few months. What I do mean is think back to when you WERE single and all the things you did. Start going to the gym consistently again, see your friends as much as you used to, resume / get more involved in / start a hobby, see you family more, etc. The general idea is to keep busy, keep your mind off it as much as possible. Time does heal all wounds but the key is to know how you spend that time before you are fully healed. A huge issue that arises with breakups is that people, during relationships, bond to such an extent that almost becomes one entity when it comes to their spare time. This often alienates friends and family, which is now an issue for you as you need them more than usual. Appologise to anyone you have distanced, tell them it was a mistake and wish to make it up to them by buying them lunch / coffee. Once they accept the gift and use it they can no longer be angry or distant, trust me. Revenge is good; it feels amazing and as long as it does not affect anyone too negatively then try it out ONCE in the early stages. There is no way that revenge helps you accept your new situation, if anything it perpetuates your hate and makes you bitter. The best revenge is living
well. Think about how lame your ex would think you are if you spent all your time wanting to get back at them rather than moving on. In reality the only time I have ever seen anyone want to get back together with their ex is when they realize they can function normally and happily without them; after all, everyone wants what they can’t have. Ultimately the aim is to keep busy and make some sort of routine that involves contact with other people. TIP: delete all negative influences or people who do not affect you in a positive way from your address book and try to remove them as much as possible from your life. Surround yourself with people and activities that are beneficial to you.
Locus of Control If you want stability you need to recognize that it differs from “waking up next to a loving partner everyday” or “being more successful with the opposite sex”. These are external indicators of your happiness, which are always subject to change as they rely on other people or events that are totally out of your control hence you will never be consistently happy. Ironically if you are geared towards this “external locus of control” it is a very unattractive quality if it is made obvious. People may see you as suffocating, reliant, dependant, unstable, irrational, controlling, etc. We all start off with an external locus and maintain it to an extent but we do not let it dominate us. You need to work on having an internal locus of control. Start by doing activities by yourself that still can be fulfilling (and that do not involve lubricant). Take on things solo, which may have some sort of pay off or achievement associated with it and recognize that you have earned the reward yourself. These by no means have to be big things, they can be many small things like babysitting a friends kid and being able to have fun with them (no, not that kind of fun), take a jog and achieve a personal best lap time (can’t say I’ve done it myself but it is a nice idea), you could even play a computer game and feel the satisfaction of winning a level or passing a hard obstacle. And when you are done with a few small things like that, go eat lunch by yourself in the food court of a busy shopping centre whilst listening to music and reading something. When you can eat a meal by yourself in a public place and not feel awkward your locus of control and sense of self-security is at a healthy level. Go back the next day without the headphones and the day after that do not take anything to read and just sit there happy with your own company and realise no one actually gives a shit that you are by yourself. Do you care when you are in a food court with company and you see someone
eating by themselves? Do you think “ha-ha what a loser, no one loves them”? If so, then maybe those breakups over the past years really did have to do with you. If you think that it is not a big deal then great and if you did not even advert to it at all then awesome….or perhaps you need more sleep? On the topic of sleep, you need to get between 8-9 hours of it all the time. It is ok to slacken off but when you are in a bad mood or sad, being tired is the easiest way to promote depression. And if you cannot sleep, do yoga. Not whiskey.
Back to the point. Having an internal locus is important not just for feeling good about yourself and being more stable but it is also a very attractive quality. Next time something affects you in a negative fashion stop yourself as soon as possible by either doing something to take your mind off it or by closing your eyes and imagining how you CAN react to it in the most favorable way possible. So forget your ex and forget what you thought you had with her because its gone and the only way to REALLY get it back is to be happy and revel in you new situation. Now all those cuties you saw on the street when you were taken can be your new casuals. You know how many taken men would love to be single again even for a week? Do not waste it by wallowing in self-pity, put yourself out there, get your mates to take you out and do whatever you feel like (except for children or animals).
The Reconext It is not uncommon for a pickup to go stale over time. You might have called, she was busy for the next two weeks, you forgot about her for a few months and now you are looking at her number in your phone and wanting to penetrate her. You might even go out on a date or two with a girl, even had sex with them and the relationship did not take off…but now you are horny, bored and want her bad. Relax, it is normal, however calling her after 3 weeks or more of dead time can come off as really weird particularly if you did not spend much time with her. No one likes to be the stalker and even if they are, no one likes to think they are. So do not call, send her a text-message that is nonthreatening, not needy and engaging. This is called a Reconext. I stumbled across the Reconext by accident at an Indian restaurant; the waitress looked like an identical, but Indian version, of Shannon, a girl I met ages ago and kiss closed. Shannon and I met at a bookshop, went to coffee, kissed, exchanged numbers and then went our separate
ways. I was too lazy to follow up the number at the time but I was bored and horny a month after I met her. Calling her that much later would be unexpected and will most likely come off as weird or desperate if I only made the effort now. I did not want to have to lie and tell her I was away shampooing homeless penguins in Antarctica for the past month. Instead I sent her the first ever Reconext: the Indian Girl message. T: I just saw and Indian version of you. Craziest thing ever This exact message has been used over 300 times by myself and over 140 times by my students and it always gets a response (unless you banged the girl’s sister or ran over her pet). The first sentence is subtle, relevant and not needy in any regard. It is normal for people to re-connect through coincidences. If you met the target’s sister you could message her simply saying “I met your sister” and you will still get a response. If an opportunity for such a nice coincidence does not arise, you then use a Reconext. The Indian Girl Reconext communicates a few things to her: she is not special because of her looks there is someone more exotic than her out there you are out, socializing and talking to other girls she might think she can compete with any other girl because of her looks but what happens when there is a look-alike running around? Another sms you can use is: T: you would loooooove the store I’m in now. The clothing is really your handwriting
(elongating ‘love’ helps emphasize your point and is more likely to spark her interest) HB: oh really? which one? I really need some new clothes T: The Salvation Army Depot smart HB: ha-ha very funny, what are you up to etc dumb HB: I love the Salvation Army, what are you up to etc Either way you win, as you’re now communicating with her again.
‘The friend’s zone If you fail to continually keep escalating your relationship with a girl you can easily fall into the “Friends zone”. This is the point where you two become such good friends that the woman no longer wants to risk your friendship by trying to take it up a notch. Some say that if you spend seven to ten hours together and still do not kiss or have sex you have fallen into the friend’s zone. Personally I do not think you can quantify how long you have until you become friends instead of lovers. I believe that if you do not work on creating attraction and escalating from the beginning of your interaction you already have done yourself a disservice. If you feel you are in the friend’s zone already and it would be close to impossible to change that dynamic through using the tactics you have learnt in the T Method then you need to distance yourself from the target. This may mean going cold with her for three to six months, coming back and trying again with a clean slate. As time passes people’s feelings for one another cool off. Through allowing that three to six gap to pass you have effectively started again from scratch. You now need to start your relationship again with a sexual undertone; kino and push / pull are essential. Also demonstrate things to her about yourself, which she previously did not know. One of the things that will hinder your transition from the friend’s zone to the sexual is the fact that she perceives you as the same old Jim / Bob / Steve / Sanjiv that she was friends with. She needs to feel as if she does not fully know you any more. Do things to catch her off guard like telling her an obscure story about yourself, revealing a hobby, fear or even a change of wardrobe. Never change yourself just to try to win over one woman, she will sense it and think you are desperate. Just be sure to reveal things about yourself, which are different to how she initially perceived you.
Don’t you know who I think I am? Feel powerless at times? Don’t like it how people walk over you and you’re too nice or scared to confront them? It’s common but who said common is the right way to be? Set a new weekly boundary, some situation or person that results in you getting walked over will be the focus each week when you find a new boundary to stick to. That cute girl you met who always calls you when she needs a lift somewhere but never calls just to spend time with you….this week you start saying no. That’s right an outright “no”. Don’t make excuses, don’t tell any lies as to why you can’t do something simply justify it with why you believe you shouldn’t.
What if you will be perceived as petty? Well that is THEIR choice to perceive you as that. Explain that doing what they want is not hard, it is just unreasonable and then state your reasons why e.g. You only call me when you want a lift, you cancel arrangements with me when you have something better to go do. Most likely they will deny it but enough is enough. People who take advantage of you or who don’t have pure intentions are people who are hindering your growth. You need to remove negative influences from your life until you can deal with them properly. Make a list of 20 times / situations you feel you get walked over. Now pick one a week and concentrate on saying “NO” in that one instance that pisses you off. Knowing what you want is important, knowing what you don’t want is essential.
Energy Open sets at a slightly higher energy than what it is already. You do not want to be a drain on the group. You need to communicate the emotion that you want reflected back to you. This sets the vibe. If you open a set in a serious mindset you set that tone just like if you open with high energy and enthusiasm: the feelings you demonstrate will almost be absorbed by the set by osmosis.
The Ultimate False Time Constraint Have you ever wondered why you pick up more frequently overseas than compared to when you are at home or why backpackers always seem to be getting the most action? I hate to tell you that it does not have to do with the changes in your personality but rather peoples’ perceptions of your availability. Generally increased success when in a foreign country is usually reduced to a few factors: •You are confident as you do not have to prove anything to your friends and if you crash and burn you do not have to fear seeing that person again. •The novelty value you incur when in a foreign country can make you seem “exotic”. •You usually drink more on holidays, which increases your confidence and lowers your inhibitions (and standards). These circumstances are not the be all and end all. The prime reason is
that your women know that you will not be here for long, they would hate to miss an opportunity and thus the seduction process accelerates. It is a common occurrence to see that even though their initial interest is lacking, it kills people to miss an opportunity and they will usually take advantage of it on that sole reason. Motivation. Everyone wants what they cannot have, this makes you appear more exclusive and forces people to get the most out of you before the chance is gone.
The Backpacker Theory By T
When you meet new people in a social situation try implanting your own time constraints into your conversation. Mix and match anywhere between the lesser “I can’t stay long as I have to go back to my friends” (mentioned earlier) and the most extreme version “I am leaving the country in a few days”. You will find the latter more potent in accelerating the seduction process, as you are not only limiting your time just for that evening but for a good part of the future. Let us say a usual interaction from the initial meeting to seduction takes 7-10 hours when you do not have to leave the country and would occur over a period of a week or two. However if you say you have only 5 days left in the city this time period will cut itself into a third of the time and you could easily be getting action that night or the next day. Imagine you are interested in two twins (identical in every fashion) one of which is staying and the other who is leaving the country. Who does your gut tell you to go with more? Mentally your head will tell you to go for the one who is staying because it can lead to a future relationship however your gut will tell you the opposite. Human psychology is hardwired to react positively to things that appear to be transient and exclusive. Why else are people so intent on buying “limited edition” cars, jewelry, antiques or even coke cans. The limited edition FIFA 2006 gold Coke bottle has seen drink revenue nearly double for the line. Sales shot up even more so when the world cup ended and consumers knew it was only a few days until it was taken off the market. You can transfer this effect to your love life, particularly if you are interested in one-night stands or quick relationships. This is one of many psychological techniques you can use to make people see you as an opportunity not to be missed. Everyone hates having less choice or an option they assume will always be there, taken away from them.
The three kiss departure When you say goodbye to your target or even to one of the obstacles lean in to kiss them goodbye on their left cheek, then kiss them on their right cheek and finally present your forehead to them and say “one more for the forehead”. Do this only with the people in set who seem more outgoing and the ones you have had the best rapport with. It means you end on a high and not in the same way that every other guy does. Leave by letting them know you are different.
Too Nervous to Practice in the Real World? If using your newfound techniques in bars and clubs on strangers seems like too big of a jump for you to make start by practicing what you have learnt on your friends or workmates in an environment you are comfortable with. Most people tend to take this approach when they are learning how to kino, test out conversation theories and for playful teasing.
Have You Received an Anonymous Text Message? Do not know who sent you a text message? Reply by saying you have a new phone with no numbers in it.
Don’t recognize their voice and want to avoid them getting upset? Start by telling them the reception is bad and you cannot hear them. “Hello? Hello? I can barely hear you, who is this? Oh Talia, right. My phone is playing up on me, I couldn’t hear you too well.”
Go to a Gay Bar To bed a 10/10 you need to know how a 10/10 thinks. It is a vicious cycle that you do not have entry to until now. Go to a gay bar. Dress gay, flirt with gay guys, get them to approach you and realize how repulsed you feel (being straight and all). You now know what it is like to be a hot woman in a bar and have 20-30 semi-sober males come up to you with compliments, introductions or sleazy lines. I assure you that you will be polite to the first 10 or so men who hit on you. But after that you will start to sound like a 10: e.g. “Not tonight buddy”,
“Do I know you?”, “Not interested”, etc… Now you will realize that all those times you got rejected in bars by hot women was not because of you but because she was over being approached by men she is not attracted to. The last time I went to a gay-bar for a workshop I was standing at the bar when a 30 something-year-old guy came up to me and, in reference to two lesbians dancing on stage he remarked “God! Who let the dykes out!” I thought it was hilarious so I replied “Tell me about it, people get so intense when they are drunk”. We ended up talking about how drunk is too drunk and twenty minutes into the conversation he placed his hand on my thigh and told me I was cute. I just got a gay IOI. I realised I was being gamed but he did it so well that it caught me totally off-guard. I thanked him for the compliment, the drink and the herpes then we went our separate ways.
Social Circle Building By Bee Sting
Building a large, healthy social network is the single most important thing you will do in the journey towards becoming a PUA, and it is inseparable from your lifestyle. Your lifestyle is a by-product of your social network, and vice versa; the two have a dynamic relationship. There are two aspects of a social network which you will want to build: quantity: how many people it consists of, and quality: a) the status of the people in your network, and b) the strength of the connection or relationship. Each is nothing without the other; you need a social network that has both quality and quantity. Analysing the people who will make up your network, each person will have a role which will more or less fit with one of the following: Emotional Supporter: For me, this is my mum and my brother. When you’re up shit creek without a paddle, there is nobody who will offer you more love and support than your family. You will have your highs and lows in life, especially as a budding PUA, and it can make all the difference if you have people you can call on just to be there for you. If you are in the position where family is not a viable option, then try a support group of some kind. It might be a humbling step to take, but it is well worth it. Chick friends: one of my PU mentors told me once that chick friends are “the oil in the pickup machine”. They will have the advantage of giving you: 1) a first-hand insight into how chicks operate, especially in regards to chick logic, which can be a very bemusing concept to a newbie;
2) social proof, possibly even a pivot or wingwoman; 3) a positive attitude towards women. Without chick friends, it is easy to become bitter and misogynistic, generalising that women are shallow and cruel. I have seen this unfortunate situation happen many times with students without a solid foundation of chick friends. For me, chick friends are usually chicks I’ve sarged in the past, either successfully or unsuccessfully. The Boys: It is very important to have a group of guys that you feel a part of. This will help keep you in touch with and nurture your masculine side. In other words, you can get pissed together, and talk about banging various forms of poontang. You can have multiple groups of guy friends if you want; in fact it’s probably preferable. Workmates: There is never a good reason for not being on very good terms with your work buddies, whether they’re guys or girls, superiors or inferiors. Paradoxically, when you take them out of the pigeonhole of “workmate”, then you will start to get on with them much better.
Warm Introductions By Bee Sting
As a social guy, you will be introduced to many people along your journey. Just as often, you will cross paths with a friend of a friend, but they will not bother to introduce you. It is imperative that you take the lead, and introduce yourself. When you first meet somebody, especially a friend of a friend, you will want to keep it conservative. Don’t try to blow them away with your awesome enthusiasm or killer jokes, just keep it simple. Be cool with them, and ask how they know your friend. Getting to know them will be a dynamic process of you disclosing something about yourself, and them doing the same in return. Get into the habit of taking the lead in this process, because the other person rarely will. Let on a little about yourself with a simple story, and leave a vacuum for them to do the same. Reward them for sharing, then relate to what they’re saying with more of your own. Soon you will be leading the whole group, including your friend who forgot to introduce you. This really demonstrates that you are of higher value, so if this friend of a friend happens to be a chick, you’ve just earned an attraction point. Not only that, you’re leading, so if you want to isolate her you can. A lot of this will happen very naturally, and you won’t even have to think about it consciously. The most important thing is your vibe, which will primarily come from a relaxed, positive and most importantly, social state of mind. Socialising is a lot like exercise, in that you need to do it often to retain and develop your skills. The more you can stay in the habit of socialising, the easier and more natural it will be. Socialising is the most enjoyable thing a human can do, so make the most of it. If you’re interested, then you’re interesting.
Cold interactions – the two-pronged attack By Bee Sting
A cold interaction is any interaction where you have to approach randomly. There are varying degrees, e.g. a cold approach at a friend’s house party is a lot more natural than a cold approach in a mall where you stop somebody in their tracks to talk to them. I often say that if you work with somebody, or you live with them, or you study with them, if you do any one thing and one thing only, then you are an acquaintance. If you do more than one thing, for example, if you work with them and play touch footy with them once a week, then you add a whole new dimension to the relationship. You’ve now become friends. I call this the two-pronged attack. Of course, there can be three, four, five, or any number of things you do with any one person. For me, I do about 4 or 5 with my closest friends. How does this apply to a cold interaction? Well, basically you want to make it two-pronged as quickly as possible. I talked to this HB8 French girl at the uni library computers once, and we were sitting there for about half an hour. Despite getting her phone number, if I had left her there, then I would have remained forever “the guy from the library”. What I did, then, was a mini-venue change, and took her outside to one of the uni cafes for a coffee. In a whisker, I was no longer the guy from the library, and was now just the guy. This same principle applies to warm interactions too: you’re never going to be real mates with someone at work, for example, if you don’t see them out of work. At best, you’ll just be a close workmate. But even that will be a struggle.
I admit it, I’m a loner. Where do I start? By Bee Sting
Become an organiser. Any and every social outing has to be organised, and any social network has an organiser. Become an organiser. The one thing that consistently hits me about loners is their expectancy that someone else will do the organising for them, and when they don’t, they think that something must be wrong with them. Get into the habit (that’s all it is, a habit) of being a social organiser. You will probably find early on that only about one quarter of people come along to your shindigs. Over time, however, this will rise. People will hear about how good your outings are, and they will come. You’re unlikely to ever get a 100% success rate with people coming to things you’ve organised, because they simply have conflicts, but you will always have enough to have fun. If worse comes to worst, and nobody at all comes to your thing (this will rarely if
ever happen), then go by yourself, and make friends at the venue. It will be good practice, and more importantly, it will get you in the habit of socialising. Never turn down an invitation. This will change as your social network expands and you can afford to be more picky, but at first, you don’t want to turn down any invite, even if it’s for the Senior Citizen’s Annual Bowling Lunch. The reasoning here is that when you are out, positive experiences and interactions become possible where they are not when you are staying in. You might go to the aforementioned Bowling Lunch and make a contact with a cute bartender, for example. She might even be a fat and ugly bartender, but that’s not to say she won’t have cute friends. Or that she has an intriguing personality. As you become more social, you will notice that you are making connections wherever you go. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Being clingy is a foul social attribute, in fact, it might as well be spelled d-e-a-t-h. The acid test is this, if you’re not sure if you’re being clingy or not: are you talking to them because you want to contribute to their life, or are you doing it because you are scared that when they are gone you will be alone? If it is the former, you are fine. If it is the latter, you are seeking validation, and probably acting clingy. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket – work on having multiple options, and when you’re organising something, invite a lot of people, not just the ones you’ve handpicked. Nurture old friendships: There’s not much point in making a whole bunch of new contacts if you keep letting old ones die off. Keep in contact with old friends. Don’t do something lame like ring them out of the blue, just call them when you think of them. For example, there’s an old mate from school who I used to play guitar with, and I don’t see much anymore. But every now and then I’ll see something that reminds me of the old days, so I’ll send him a text about it. Because this is genuine, it won’t seem random and odd.
“Pruning” – Severing Connections By Bee Sting
You might be thinking, “this is an article about building social circles – why on earth would I want to know how to sever connections??” The reason is simple: negative influences bring you down. You’re only human, and when someone pays you out for being proactive and organising a work outing, for example, it’s going to have an impact on you, especially if you’re just starting out with the whole socialising thing. The hardest situation would be at work, where you have to see the person every day. Usually, however, it will be somebody who there’s no reason to see or interact with very often. Here are ways they might disrespect you:
not replying to an sms not returning a call paying you out in front of a group, or making jokes at your expense saying “ooo..kkkk….” when you try to engage them or tell a joke excluding you from social interactions There is a fine line between assuming the best, a very important principle, and severing contact with someone who disrespects you, what I call pruning. The way to navigate around this dilemma is simple: do not sever contact out of hate, or as revenge. Do it from the frame that you are a worthy person, and people have to earn your respect. Whenever I sever contact with someone, I have the notion that if they were to attempt to re-engage me, I would welcome them. Sometimes they do, and sometimes they don’t, however, either way they are out of my thoughts. What you’ll find this way is that everyone you interact with, everyone in your world, will be a positive person who treats you with love and respect. Once this is established, the natural progression is that your outlook on life and on people will be a whole lot more positive.
The next Step! Hopefully by now you have already started using this process in every day life and on your social outings. You should be commended on making an active effort to invest in yourself and consequently your future. Reading this book has taught you that you have a choice whether to evolve or be left behind in the world of socialising and dating. Essentially the most beneficial thing you can do is practice these techniques out in the field and preferably with a friend or wingman beside you for moral support. Let them know what your goals are each time you out, this will prove more effective than venturing out with the general purpose to socialize or seduce. Keep checking www.speedseductions.com for new tips and dating simulators all based around the methods you have learnt in this book.
