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CONTENTS PREFACE
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THE SYSTEM: CORNERSTONE CONCEPTS
1
APPLYING THE SYSTEM: HOOKING UP
4
PROFILE
5
SUGGESTED TEMPLATE
7
OTHER PHOTOS
7
RULES FOR PHOTOS
10
TINDER BIO
11
HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR PROFILE
12
SUMMARY NOTES
15
OPEN
16
CREATE A GREAT OPENER
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SUMMARY NOTES FOR A GREAT OPENER
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CONVERSATION TECHNIQUES
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DEMONSTRATE VALUE THROUGH CONVERSATION
24
RECOVERY AND NEGATIVITY
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CONVERSATION BEST PRACTICES
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CONVERSATION MISTAKES
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SUMMARY NOTES FOR A GREAT CONVERSATION
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PLANTING THE SEED: CULTIVATE A DATE
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PLANTING THE SEED – The Ultimate Seduction Tool
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HOW TO PLANT THE SEED
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SUMMARY NOTES FOR PLANTING THE SEED
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CONTENTS
DIGITS: ACQUIRING HER NUMBER
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HOW TO GET HER NUMBER: THE MISSING PIECE METHOD
54
TRANSITIONING TO TEXT
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SUMMARY NOTES FOR ACQUIRING HER NUMBER
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DATE TIPS
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4 GOALS TO KEEP IN MIND ON YOUR FIRST DATE
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THE MEET UP
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MID-DATE TIPS AND ADVICE
69
CHECK
73
ELIMINATE POST-DATE STRESS
74
SUMMARY NOTES FOR AN AMAZING DATE
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FINAL WORDS
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PREFACE I was getting ready for my rst date in a month. The date venue was only 10 minutes away, and I was just about to head out he t door, full of excitement for thenight ahead, when I received a text –“S orr y M arcu s, can ’t m ake ton ight, som ething’ s c om e up . L et ’s catch u p a no ther tim e. Re ally s orr y! ” I was devastated. Once again, I was resigned to being alone on a Saturday night browsing Internet dating proles and trying to talk to my few Tinder matches. I had managed the odd ing and short-term relationship, but these were one-os. There was absolutely no consistency or certainty in my interactions with girls. I spent my time worrying about meeting new girls and whether they would like me or not. It was exhausting. After the initial disappointment of being stood up, something in me clicked. My passion for personal development, psychology and taking on challenges pushed me over the edge, and I made a decision then and there to change my circumstances. From that point I immersed myself into becoming better at meeting girls and building relationships, particularly from online dating sites. I read every pick-up artist and relationship-building article on the Internet, every social science, inuence and psychology book I could get my hands on. I befriended those that had already been
successful on Tinder and learned the strategies they were using. I began seeing massive improvements. I tried dierent methods and tricks – some worked, lots didn’t. I kept detailed notes on my journey and discovered that the process of being successful with girls, particularly on dating apps and online dating, followed the same path. There was a certain framework, or system, which allowed me and many others to have amazing success. I was still beingompletely c myself, but developed condence and a totally dierent perspective on meeting girls. I went from only getting one date a month, to having ve or six a week that all could have turned into something more. The condence I developed spilled over into other areas – I became more assertive at work, I felt comfortable negotiating a discount on my car and I began seeing an increase in respect from my peers. Everything I learned is in this book – it not only improved my dating, it improved my life.
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Ho w can on e achie ve c on sis tent da ting succe ss ? In the last three years, I have answered this question myself, and this book will answer it for you. I will show you exactly how
I, and the best seducers, have eortlessly attracted girls on Tinder. It’s simple to duplicate. There is a recipe. If you’ve downloaded this book, chances are that you don’t want to wake up one morning a year from now, more regrets of Whether all the girls that you is missed out on. Feeling underdone and with exhausted, like I felt. your desire to start a relationship and family or simply experience a night of inte nse pleasure and emotion, this book will give you all the tools you need to make it a reality in the here and now, instead of agonizing over more missed opportunities.
From irtatious dinner dates that lasted over four hours, to long-lasting and fullling relationships, to Thursday night cook-ups where dessert was served from each other’s bodies. To a girl climaxing on my couch within one hour of our rst Tinder conversation, who then went home, only to show up on my doorstep 15 minutes later wanting to do it all again because she enjoyed our conversation… All this, and many more life-long memories, are attributable directly to what I’m about to share with you. Over the last two years I’ve compiled, tested and rened countless successful strategies – all this has been distilled into TINSANITY. Tinder and girls don’t have to be so damned hard. They really don’t. Most people, my past self included, have spent too much time convincing themselves that dating is dicult, a resignation to accepting lower-quality girls, or worse, accepting a life of loneliness. The truth, at least the truth I’ve experienced and will share in this book, is quite dierent. From rapid match ltering to inuential psychological tricks we’ve stolen from marketing professions, I’ll show you how a small group of Tinder experts use a handful of simple strategies to achieve what most consider out of reach. Take a deep breath and let me show you how.
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THE SYSTEM: CORNERSTONE CONCEPTS There are three fundamental concepts that underpin TINSANITY: The Ultimate Tinder Seduction System. Understanding these concepts will deepen your understanding of the TINSANITY System, allowing you to generate the maximum amount of success from it.
1. You Can Create Each Tinder match is a blank canvas. You have the ability to mold and steer the interaction in whatever way you choose. You can be whoever you want to be. Some guys don’t realize they have control and just let things happen as they happen – they are passive and reactive. They’re the type of guys that hope a girl will initiate conversation rst and then feel rejected when they don’t. They chat about anything and everything, yet the conversation still zzles out. They partake in Tinder conversations for days on end with a girl, only to be confused and disappointed when she doesn’t want to meet up.
The successful guys, however, realize that they can turn that same blank canvas into anything they wish. They take action and consciously sculpt conversations into successful outcomes, leaving nothing to chance. They implement systems, principles and routines that give themselves the maximum chance of success. It’s what makes their Tinder victories appear eortless, ecient and smooth.
You’ll see this is exactly what TINSANITY provides you – a exible framework of simple and repeatable processes that give you the best chance at consistent success on Tinder.
2. Construct a Seductive Environment: Emotion You’ll achieve success on Tinder if you’re consistently able to create a seductive conversational environment. An interaction in a seductive environment has dierent feeling to a normal everyday conversation. It makes you and your target feel like you’re in your own little world – an escape from the mundane routine of day-to-day life. The key to creating a seductive environment is emotion. Emotions drive a person’s thoughts and also alter their physiology. By evoking certain emotions and avoiding others, you’ll be able to stimulate your targets interest and attraction in you. These emotions are summarized in the Seducer’s Pyramid of Emotion.
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Seduction thrives in Level 1 (surprise, excitement, lust, happiness, trust and anticipation). Your Tinder target will experience an array of positive feelings that she will associate with you. An occasional dip down into Level 2 (embarrassment, frustration, disappointment, doubt, worry, anxiety, tension and confusion) will add to the excitement, like some sort of with emotional rollercoaster. combination ofher signicant 1 emotions mixed the occasional Level That 2 emotion, will give a senseLevel of euphoria that she will always remember when she thinks of you. Level 3 emotions (sadness, fear, mistrust, anger, boredom and hurt) are best avoided altogether.
By crafting the right mix of emotions, you’ll create a seductive conversational environment. TINSANITY provides routines, processes and systems that foster these emotions, maximizing your Tinder success.
3. Attitude and Perspective Becau se on e beli eve s i n on es el f, on e do es n’t try to con vince oth ers . Becau se on e i s c on tent with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole wo rld acce pts him or h er. ― LAO TZU, legendary philosopher and poet.
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Every guy goes through three main phases when it comes to girls:
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The nice guy who continually gets friend-zoned (thought of as just a friend rather than a romantic or sexual interest). Your mom raised you well, so you open every door, reveal your feelings at the rst sign of a connection and do whatever you can to make a girl happy – it’s what your mom would want
you to do. If you become intimate, getallhurt (several times probably) and you develop a new outlook on girls:you they cheat, they all lie and they aren’t good people. So you turn into a douchebag.
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The douchebag who smashes and dashes. With your new outlook you become disgusted with girls so you become mean or don’t pay them attention … and they’re all over you. All the sluts, anyway. You enjoy your time being mean, getting what you w ant, and then realizethat these girlsare horrible people. You develop a profound insight – being a douchebag works because you appear 100% condent in your ways, and girls are in awe of the stu you can say without having any regret for it. You recognize there’s no need to be an ass, you can still be truly yourself. With this newfound insight and self-belief, you become the condent and contented guy.
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The condent and contented guy with a deep-seated self-assuredness. You no longer require the approval of girls to feel important or validated. This assurance exists deep within because you know who you are – a great guy any girl would be privileged to know. You don’t feel the need to bend or transform to anyone’s expectations, you feel completely liberated. You give good girls what they deserve and give girls that disrespect you the boot – no more, no less. You say what you actually believe rather than what will get you laid … which gets you laid even more … although by now that might not matter to you, because you’re attracting rst-rate girlfriend material, and that may just interest you more than easy lays.
You will experience almost immediate success when you begin implementing the routines and lines of TINSANITY, which are founded on condence and contentment. The short-term results are great, although the long-term benets are innitely more powerful. At rst the lines and routines will give you a glimpse into what it means to be condent and content. In time it will seep into yourharacter c so you become that person – you’ll radiate self-assuredness by being truly yourself, and girls will adore you for it.
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APPLYING THE SYSTEM: HOOKING UP The processes and routines in TINSANITY are generally explained from the perspective of securing a casual or formal date – so you and your Tinder target can go on a rst date, get to know each other, potentially go on subsequent dates and form a relationship. However a long-term relationship might not be what you always desire from Tinder. Maybe just want something short-term, a one-night In case were in you any doubt, hitting a home run (yes, that’slike code for sex) canhook-up. be achieved withyou exactly the same techniques, methods and lines that we cover. The system works for any form of relationship – long-term relationships to casual dating to once-o hook-ups – because you’re creating attraction and building strong rapports based on emotion, which can then be leveraged in many ways. You’ll notice that because you’re building stronger and unique relationships, your opportunities for hitting home runs will increase, even though that may not be your chief aim. But it should be noted that although there is potential to go ondate a with almost every one of your Tinder matches, the proportion of girls who will be open to sex on the rst meeting is signicantly lower. Fence sitters who don’t normally hook up on the rst date can be swayed. Girls may change in and out of the categories through dierent stages of their life (i.e. the seemingly increased propensity to have casual fewer girls who are freely sex during college). But in any point in time, there will be open and comfortable with having sex with a stranger from Tinder on the rst meeting, compared to second or subsequent dates.
If sex is all you desire, you’ll be able to fulll your needs more consistently with some patience by going on two or more dates, while keeping with the strategies in TINSANITY. With each successive date you go on the probability of hitting a home run will increase. Generally, it’s the third or fourth date that will produce what you desire. However, you should also keep in mind that with each successive date the bond, emotions and expectations between you and the girl will also change. This comes with an inherent responsibility to manage those relationships – for the sake of the girls you are meeting or to avoid unenviable and messy circumstances.
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PROFILE Your prole is the most critical factor for success on Tinder. Because your photos are viewed and judged within seconds, they need to be perfect! It’s absolutely ruthless so you can’t aord to get it wrong. However, many guys do get this vital piece of the Tinder puzzle wrong. The team of girls and guys attinderseduction.com have reviewed and tested hundreds of male and female proles. We’ve seen it all – the good, the bad and the ugly.
Appearance Is All There Is: James the A lcoholic We once reviewed a prole for a client, James. James was a 28-year-old travelling economist who was obviously intelligent. He had a great group of friends, was funny and was denitely not ugly. He had a great deal of strengths but just couldn’t get many matches, let alone attract the type of girls he wanted – girls that were similar to himself. After a prole review by the TinderSeduction girls, James read the feedback. The consensus was that James’s prole portrayed him as an interesting guy who loves to party and drink, probably too much. Some girls said his prole hinted that he was an alcoholic. James was in complete disbelief. His Tinder prole conveyed that he was a hard core partier and potential booze hound. But in reality James was practically a non-drinker who rarely partied. He spent hisweekends hiking and rock-climbing in the mountains. The fact that James mentioned some of his interests in his bio didn’t account for much. The issue was the only photos James possessed were Facebook pics where he was at social events, so that’s Go to www.tinderseduction.com/prolereview what he used for his Tinder prole. Girls on Tinder to have your prole reviewed and improved could only go by what they could see – which was by the TinderSeduction girls. James the hard-partying booze hound. They had no idea the real James was an outdoorsy economist. We made some changes to improve his prole:
Changed his main photo to a clear picture of just him, rather than the groupfriend shot he previously used.
Removed all the (alcoholic) social photos except one – the one where it looks like James was telling an interesting anecdote with everyone listening intently.
Added a new photo from when James was a groomsman at his brother’s wedding and looked very sharp in a suit.
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Advised him to take some action photos where he’s participating in his main passion, outdoor adventure, and added the best one as a supporting photo.
Shortened his bio signicantly, removing the description of his interests (his photos now did a better job at getting that across).
After implementing the changes and using his new prole, James’s matches skyrocketed and have since led to a number of dates. That’s the interesting thing with Tinder – after on ly a few si m ple c ha nges, crappy proles that don’t see many matches miraculously transform into decent proles – and as a result their matches skyrocket. If you’re not getting the sults re that you need, it’s likely that you just need to make a few small changes. To work out what changes y o u should make to get more matches, you rst need to understand what your prole should achieve. It should:
Be clear, concise and easy to digest – make it easy for girls to evaluate.
Present yourself in the best manner photos that highlight your strengths.
Demonstrate you’re not a threat – the world (and especially Tinder) is full of weirdos, and girls are on alert.
– the wrong Provide an accurate representation of your personality impression will really limit your ability to progress beyond Tinder and onto successful dates.
Attract the type of girls that you want to meet – maximizing total matches is great, but maximizing matches with th e types of girls you li ke is much better.
Create conversation – photos are a great way of providing conversation fodder.
possible – using the most attering
There are an innite number of prole combinations you could use to accomplish the above. What determines that best combination comes down to is you – your unique attributes, qualities and desires. Although it’s impossible to provide specic recommendations for your prole without a review, you can use the exible prole template below to start o with – it’s been proven successful time and time again for hundreds of guys.
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SU GGESTED TEM PLA TE The main image – the most important. A girl’s impression of you will be formed almost exclusively from your rst photo. If she looks at your other photos, it’s only because your rst photo caught her interest. So you be a little lazy with other photos, the main prole photo is the onealthough you must getcan right. This thought can be intimidating – that just one issue with your main photo could be ruining your chances with thousands of girls. But the opposite is also true as it represents enormous potential. Just by altering one photograph, your Tinder success could skyrocket – that’s the attitude that you need to have.
What should your rst photo be? A picture of just you, with open and condent body language, smiling.
This works because:
We all respond subconsciously to body language. It’s proven that smiling has a positive eect on people’s emotions. Your open body language will be saying, “Look at me, I have nothing to hide, I’m safe and I’m condent.” It seems insignicant, but it can have an enormous eect on your results.
Humans are lazy. If your main photo contains other guys, it means that girls will need to invest more eort attempting to work out who you are, which they don’t like. A clear, simple photo where you’re the focus will make it easier for girls to swipe-right. It’s called cognitive ease.
Simple, isn’t it? The best things usually are.
OTHER PHOTOS The supporting photos are where you give an insight into your personality, interests and talents. As James can attest, it’s important that you select photos that accurately represent who you are.
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The supporting photos are also where you attract the type of girls you’re looking to meet. Ideas include:
You in a suit. Show’s that you present well and have range. Wedding photos (as long as you’re not the groom!) are perfect.
You with your friends. This demonstrates social proof – an incredibly powerful social phenomenon which basically makes your Tinder target think that since other people are around you, there must be a reason, so they want to be around you also. Try and select photos where you’re the center of attention, rather than being right on the edge of the group. Also photos where you’re around good-looking girls is also benecial – just ensure you’re not overly cozy with them (no ex-girlfriends!).
You playing a musical instrument. Something like this shows o your unique talents and is also a great conversation tool.
You with your pet (puppy if possible). Girls love pets, and it’s an easy conversation point for them. Plus it’s a great way to add complexity to your prole to show your sensitive and caring side … in a manly kind of way. Girls go crazy over dogs!
You having fun with family. Girls that are looking for a relationship respond well to this because it demonstrates you can form strong relationships.
You subtly showing o your physique. If you have a good physique, show it o somewhat indirectly. There’s a deep-seated evolutionary reason guys and girls like a good body – humans are hardwired to be attracted to people who look healthy. A photo at the beach, water skiing action shot or you in a snug T-shirt while hiking are all good options. The better your physique, the less clothing that should be included.
You in a unique picture – a picture that stands out from the rest of the Tinder crowd gives girls an easy means of starting a conversation with you. The most successful unique phot o I’ve used was m e in the kitchen wearing a frilly, pink apron.
What’s Your Frilly, Pink Apron? The photo that I’ve received the most comments on was one where I was in the kitchen cooking, wearing only an apron – a very, very girly, pink, frilly apron. It created enormous amounts of attention and conversation. Here are a few examples:
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Why did it attract so much attention?
It was dierent – a guy in a pink frilly apron stands out.
It was self-deprecating – although I was wearing an absurd outt, I was still smiling and having fun. It showed that I was easy-going and approachable.
It was female-friendly – girls could easily relate and converse about cooking in the kitchen.
The best thing about it was that it was a great date-anchor. Girls would bring up the picture of me cooking, so the transition to date-talk was incredibly easy.
Think about what your best unique photo could be and add it to your prole. It should be something that stands out, that’s female friendly, shows that you’re approachable and can be used as a date-anchor. If you can’t think of anything, buy a pink apron. ;)
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RULES FOR PHOTOS Do: Smile, for real. When you’re taking a photo, make sure you’re genuinely smiling. A fake smile only shows in your mouth; a real smile shows in your eyes. It will make you more attractive. Wear nice clothes. It doesn’t have to be a tuxedo or a brand-name label. Just make sure your clothes are not visibly creased, have no stains and are well tting. Girls will notice these factors in an instant. Subtly show o your good physique. There’s a deep-seated evolutionary reason for this – humans are hardwired to be attracted to people who look healthy. A photo at the beach, water skiing action shot or you in a snug T-shirt while hiking are all good options. The better your physique, the less clothing that should be included. Use good quality photos. It can be from a digital camera or an iPhone as long as it’s clear. Fuzzy or grainy photos are highly unattractive. Use recent photos. Using old photos will shock your Tinder date when you meet her and ruin your chance for a second date.
Don’t: Don’t use any pics w ith closed bod y language . This includes crossed arms, crossed legs and hands in pockets. It makes you appear less approachable and unfriendly. Don’t use webcam photos . The quality of these pictures is usually terrible, and you’re not going to look interesting sitting in your computer chair. Don’t use seles. It’s best to stay away from seles as a lot of girls perceive them as emasculating. If you can’t nd anyone to take photos of you, just use the self-timer function on your phone or camera – no one will be able to tell the dierence. Don’t use shirtless seles. It doesn’t give o a good image and makes you look like a douche. Girls (that are respectable) have shown time and time again that they dislike these photos the most. It may work for some guys that are shredded, but even then, other subtle ways will work better. Don’t use pics where you are overly cozy wit h girls . It’s a slight turn-o for girls if they see you with someone they think is your ex. If you have a picture with your sister, this rule still stands because girls on Tinder won’t know it’s your sister.
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Don’t use heavily manipulated photos . A little bit of Photoshopping is ne (adjusting colors) or an Instagram-type lter that will improve aesthetics, but don’t overdo it. Plus, you don’t want your date to be shocked that you don’t look like your prole pics. Don’t use multiple photos of the same type . Ensure you have a variety of dierent photos and avoid using too many of the same photos. Examples include having too many group having too many and too manyphotos, close-ups of your face. photos of just you in the same pose/situation Don’t add photos just to ll all the (6) available. If you only have three or four good photos, it is much better to use only those, rather than adding another two or three bad photos simply to ll the spaces. An extra photo is unlikely to increase your matches, whilst having a bad photowill decrease your matches.
TIN DER B IO When it comes to matches, your Tinder bio (“About Me” section) isn’t that important. It isn’t even visible with your main image. For a girl to see it she needs to be interested enough by your main picture and then dig deeper – which is done by tapping the screen to see more about you. And then even if she does read your bio, it’s your photos that will be the major inuencer. The main instances a girl will read your bio is after you send them an opener or when she wants to send you the rst message – she’ll do a little background check to nd something to say. So like including a unique photo to help spark conversation, unique content in your bio can also have the same eect.
Bio Mistakes From the hundreds of Tinder prole improvement reviews and testing that we’ve done, here are the biggest mistakes you need to avoid:
Don’t overshare . A prole is supposed to intrigue and entice girls to nd out more about you. It shouldn’t be a complete fact sheet on your life. Mystery is a powerful seduction tool, so leave some of your life to the imagination.
Don’t make spelling mistakes . It’s an immediate turn-o to a lot of girls.
Don’t use cliché and overused quotes. They’re completely overcooked and won’t make you stand out. I recommend not using quotes at all.
Don’t obtusely self-promote . “I’m a funny and interesting guy” isn’t believable. Let it show in your prole pictures and your conversation. 11
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Your bio might not increase your matches; however, it can denitely decrease them – le ss is m or e! If you’re in doubt whether to add in a piece of information or funny quote, leave it out! A great bio may help your Tinder results slightly, but a poor bio will denitely devastate any chance of success.
H OW TO IM PROVE YOUR PROFILE The quickest and surest way to improve your prole is to have other people review it and give you feedback. Sometimes we can be oblivious to simple mistakes that really limit our performance – like James the non-drinker and his “alcoholic” prole. Valuable feedback comes from asking the right questions to the right people. The right people are your target audience – the type of girls that you want to attract. Guys who have been successful on Tinder can also be a great source of feedback. The questions you ask should reveal the following:
What are your best photos?
What picture should you use as your main display?
What are your worst photos – photos that you should scrap?
Are there any other additional photos you should add?
What do they think of your prole description?
What type of person does your prole portray you as?
These questions and answers will give you many benets:
Know which of your photos work and don’t work. Sometimes it’s just one poor photo that brings your prole down and limits your matches.
Help you nd out if you need to add any more pictures to present a wellrounded prole.
Find out what reaction your prole description is getting. You may think your bio is hilarious, while girls nd it oensive, lacking taste and vulgar.
Learn what personality your prole presents – to attract certain girls you need a certain feel to your prole. For example if you want to attract party girls who are looking for hook-ups, you need to make sure your prole shows that you’re fun and exciting. But if you want a relationship, you’ll need to tone it down a
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little.
Five ways you can obtain feedback:
1
Split-test your prole. Try dierent photo combinations and see what produces the best results. Do this by selecting one photo combination, swipe-right for 100 proles and then see how many matches you receive after waiting for a couple of days. Then repeat this with other combinations until you nd the photos that give you the best result. Pros: You will be receiving feedback directly from those that you want to impress.
Cons: The type of feedback is very limited and doesn’t oer much insight. You won’t receive information on how your prole is being perceived or any improvement suggestions. It is also quite time-consuming.
2
Ask a Tinder match to critique your prole. Select a few matches from your Tinder list. Chat a little rst to build a rapport, then be open and tell her you want to improve your prole and ask if she wouldn’t mind critiquing it. You can say something like this:
You: [Her Na m e] , you se em li ke a pretty i
ntu iti ve an d h el pfu l ty pe, am I right?
Her: You ’re s p ot o n :) You: I thought so ;) I’m trying to improve my prole and would love to hear wh at a n inte ll ige nt girl l ik e y ou thinks abo
ut it – wo
uld you
m ind givi ng it a
quick critique? Her: Sure! Asking for her advice can also be a good conversation opener – you’ll be surprised at how this kind of communication opens people up, which can be great for getting numbers and dates.
Cons: A lot of girls won’t be interested in taking the time to critique your prole as there’s nothing in it for them. Also some may feel uneasy telling you the truth so they sugar-coat their feedback – which won’t be benecial
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for you. To help with these issues, tell your match that you’ll critique her prole honestly as well, so she’ll be more likely to return the favor. Ask others on the Internet to critique your prole. There are a lot of online communities that will happily oblige in giving you feedback. Reddit is one example; they have special sections where you can submit your prole for others to comment on. Pros: Relatively easy to do. Advice is generally very honest. Denitely entertaining.
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Cons: You may not receive any replies to your post, or they may not be your target demographic. Posting your pictures on an Internet forum for thousands of others to see can be intimidating for those that enjoy their privacy. Although it’s generally friendly, feedback may not be constructive and could even be insulting. Ask friends and family . The same as asking a Tinder match or others on the Internet to critique your prole, but ask those whom you’re close to and trust.
Pros: Your friends and family know you best so they can oer some great insight. They’ll know what photos you look best in and what photo combination shows your true personality the best. They’re also more likely to tell you the truth about your prole, but it always helps to make it clear you want completely honest feedback.
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Cons: Some people might feel uncomfortable about asking family and friends, especially if they don’t want them knowing that they’re on Tinder. Use a Tinder review service. There are a number of services that will devote their time and eort to getting feedback for you, so you can get the great results without all fuss of doing it yourself.
Pros: Easier and less work for you. The feedback you receive is often much better than Tinder the other methods because the and reviewers are giving experienced at reviewing proles and put more time eort into you constructive feedback. You are certain to get a specied amount of reviews from dierent girls. Using a service is a good alternative if you prefer privacy and condentiality and would prefer not to ask friends, family or others on the Internet.
Cons: Getting great feedback without having to do the work yourself comes
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at a cost. Some Tinder services cost up to $375 per month, which can be out of reach for most people.
SUM M ARY N OTES
Tinder impressions are brutally quick – simple mistakes can dramatically diminish your Tinder matches.
Your main image is the most important – get it right. Use a pic of just you, smiling and with open body language.
Ensure your prole accurately represents who you are.
Your supporting photos should give an insight into your personality, interests and talents.
Add a unique photo that encourages conversation.
Adjust your prole to target the types of girls you want to attract.
Don’t make the same major mistakes most guys make with their prole photos.
Small changes are sometimes all it takes to see rapid improvement.
Your bio isn’t that important – less is more.
The quickest and surest way to improve your prole is to have it reviewed and receive feedback from your target audience.
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OPEN A great opener will set you up for a seductive conversation. By putting in a little eort at the beginning, you’ll make the rest of the seduction process much easier. Alternatively, a bland opener will make it much harder to seduce your target.
You have the power to sculpt the conversation like an artist, so make sure you create a masterpiece. Most girls won’t send a message rst – take action and initiate the conversation.
Goals for an Opener:
Capture her attention.
Stir her interest so she feels compelled to chat with you.
Create the right conversation vibe early on.
To understand why these goals will lead to your success, you need to get a girl’s perspective on Tinder. Pretend that you’re Emily, a girl who’s matched with 28 guys (all matches below) and you’ve received these messages over the last few days. Read through each of the message you’ve received:
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MESSAGE STATS:
Matches: 28
Did any messages capture your interest? Did any guys stand out? Did anyone make you want to start a conversation?
Messages Received: 14 or 50% Non-Generic Messages Received: 4 or 14%
I bet you’re thinking, No, because they’re all boring as shit! If you’ve ever wondered why girls haven’t
responded to your rst messages, that’s why.
CREATE A GREAT OPENER Staring at a Tinder prole and trying to come up with a great opener can be hard. It’s why most guys give in and just say “Hi” or don’t send a message at all. That’s no longer a problem for you now that you have access to Dating App Cheat –the hard creative work and validation testing has already been done. With this resource you’ll have everything you ever need to start interesting and seductive conversations on Tinder. And after a while you’ll be able to start creating your own impressive openers, too. To make the most of the Dating App Cheat openers we’ve given you, it’s best to understand what separates a great opener from a poor one. That way you’ll be able to select the best opener for each girl that you’ve matched with, giving you the best chance of a successful conversation.
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Opener Action Level Rankings There are three levels of action that you can take after you’ve matched with a girl: 1st Level: Hoping for a message or being too scared to send one.
Level 1 is standing on the side of the river hoping a sh will jump out of the water and into your lunch box. Or holding your shing rod and contemplating whether or not to cast into the water. It won’t get you what you want. Unless you’re a male model, this method work for you.
Bet t er t han 0%
of guys on T inder
2nd Level: Sending a generic message.
Example: “Hi, ” “ H ey, ” “Wh at ’s up ?” “Ho w ar e you ?” This is the type of junk most guys send. Although sending a crap message is better than doing nothing, it doesn’t stand out. It’s boring and will make it harder for you to create a fun, irty and seductive conversation. But don’t take my word for it, Christine of lays it out very clearly in her prole description:
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Bet t er t han 50 %
guys on T inder
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3rd Level: Sending a message that demands attention and cr
eates emotion.
Sending 3rd Level openers will put you in the upper echelon of Tinder conversations. These are the rare conversation starters that make a girl take notice of you and set you on the path of an easy seduction. Level 3 openers require a little more thought and consideration than the others, but it’s still incredibly easy – the payo is more than worth it. These are the Level 3 techniques that will make you stand out from the pack:
Use he r name Using her name is an easy way to gain her attention. If you’re walking down a crowded street and you hear someone across the street yell “Hey!” you probably won’t turn around. But if you hear someone scream your name, you’ll always turn around. It’s the same on Tinder. The phenomenon has scientic backing; when we hear or read our names, it actually makes certain areas of our brains light up to take notic e, so take advantage and use her name. Example: Em il y, I hop e tha t you r p ers on ality i s as colorful a
s your dr es s s ense is .
Be di ffer ent Never follow the crowd. Go where it’s empty. As you now know, a lot of guys send the same boring messages – if you say something dierent, you’ll stand out. Example:
We could go out on an amazing rst date, have great conversation, lots of laughs, enjoy the absurd amounts of irting before I say goodbye and charmingly end the night with a soft ki ss on you r chee k. Afte r th at w e’d b oth get t oo bu sy an d n ev er s ee each o ther a gain. Interested?
Be open, honest and confident Being open and honest can break down barriers immediately. By openly discussing the situation you’re both in, it absolutely crushes any conversational stuness. It only takes a little condence to recognize and relay a situation but will make you appear exceptionally condent.
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Example: We’ re both
ob vi ou sly playing ha
rd to ge t, so h ow ab ou t we agree
to p ut o ur egos as
ide in
the name of lust and skip to the part where we irt outrageously with each other? Or: So d o you wa nt m e t o h it you w it h a corny Ti nd er li ne or can
we s ki p a ll that w eird s hit?
Cr eate em ot ion. Emotion is the foundation for attraction. You can make her feel excited and attered by complimenting her on something unique (that no one else has ever complimented her on). Make herhappy and cheerful by making her laugh with a joke. You can surprise her by alluding to the fact that she has no friends because she only takes seles. You can make her feel a littleinsulted by making an honest (and playful) observation about her dress sense. Or better yet, make her feel a complete array of emotion and she’ll be interested in you immediately. Example - send this to her at six in t he morning:
Example – this girl was wearing terrible shoes with her outt, so a playful insult was used as an opener:
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Tailor your messages speci ficall y t o her pr ofile . If you can say something incredibly specic and unique that no one has ever told her, she’ll be curious as to who you are and why you’re dierent than everyone else. Example – if she has a lot of pictures of her travelling around the world, you can say:
This girl had a few photos of her dancing and acting silly:
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Naomi’s prole was full of pics where she was cuddling people:
This girl looked like she only shopped from high-end fashion stores. She was obviously very fashion conscious:
The more of those factors that you can add into the message, the more powerful your message will be.
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This is an example of the perfect Level 3 opener. It uses her name, it’s honest, tailored to her prole, unique and makes her feel an array of emotion: surprised, happy, attered and insulted all at once.
Bet t er t han 99%
But you don’t need to go to this extent and use every method.of guys on T inder
Justtwo create orkey select an opener from Dating Cheat with one well. or of the factors I’ve mentioned andApp you’ll do amazingly
SUM M ARY N OTES FOR A GREAT OPEN ER
Send a message! It’s the old cliché - you gotta be in it to win it.
Tailor your message as much as you can to her prole.
Use her name in the opener. It’s an easy way to get her attention.
Be open, honest and condent in your communication.
Make her emote. Emotion is the foundation for attraction.
Be unique and dierent. Stand out from the pack.
Be bold, be condent. It’s better to strike out swinging hard for a home run winner than a rst base hit that will lose the game anyway.
Use emoticons to add extra personality and emotion to the conversation. The wink face ;) does wonders. But don’t overdo it, otherwise you’ll look like a 14-year-old girl texting your BFF.
Use the list of openers that we’ve given you from Dating App Cheat, making sure to select the best opener for the girl you’re sending it to and something that you feel represents your personality. But also don’t be afraid to try something unusual.
See the Dating App Cheat lines for a comprehensive list of openers that will make you stand out.
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DEMONSTRATE VALUE THROUGH CONVERSATION You’ve opened the conversation by catching her attention and creating emotion – great, she’s now kind of interested and intrigued. The next step is to continue to demonstrate your value through conversation, creating a sense of euphoria she will associate with you, so thats he wan ts to hand her number over and hang outwithy o u , rather than you having to do the chasing. Demonstrating is allforth about having a greattopics Tinderthat conversation – one that’s lled with witty value back and banter, contains promote emotion and where fun and irty exchanges ow freely. This is the content that creates a seductive environment, setting you up to get her number and a date. Tinder Conversation Goals:
To continue the conversation after your opener
To build a rapport with your Tinder target
To create interest and attraction so you can progress (get her number)
CONVERSATION TECHNIQUES There are the common themes and dynamics that you’ll nd in almost every great Tinder seduction. Like a sequence of individual dance moves, when combined together they create a mesmerizing eect on your Tinder target. The best thing is that once you’re aware of them, they’re easy to use … over and over. Incorporate unexpected comments and responses. If you create unexpected twists and turns in the conversation, you’ll keep her on edge and wanting to see where it leads. Make her feel that nothing with you is predictable.
You can do this by responding to her in a way that’s unexpected:
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PREFACE
–
I
Be a little vague and ambiguous. It creates confusion and suspense, which will catch her attention and increase her curiosity. She’ll wonder who you are, making her eager to nd out more. It will also give her imagination some room to play and fantasize about who you could be.
You can do this by responding to her questions with something other than a direct answer:
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Ignore the odd question from her, particularly trivial and boring information requests:
Can you see how the answer to “What do you do?” could have easily turned into a boring discussion about occupations and study? Instead, the conversation was steered toward an interesting topic – date talk. The girl didn’t even care that her question was left unanswered; in fact, she appreciated it. You’ll be surprised at how quickly girls completely forget about receiving an answer to a question they asked. Maintain a degree of ambiguity and mystery. Girls will be interested and intrigued, as they can’t really pin you down – it won’t be long until she’ll be craving to know more about that mysterious guy (you). Use honesty and openness. Raising unmentioned thoughts and dynamics to the surface is a great way to break down barriers and build a rapport. Complete and confronting honesty is often a refreshing change to the niceties and politeness that girls usually receive. By challenging her with observations and comments that others don’t voice, you’ll be seen as unique. Honesty and openness gives you a great opportunity to create those Level 2 emotions like embarrassment, doubt and worry – these are the emotions that make Level 1 emotions even better.
Highlight her inconsistencies and errors: Her: (says som ething th at d oes n’ t m ake se nse) You: You ha ve a cu te s m il e, so if w e were s peaking tha t last qu es tion do es n’ t m ake se nse.
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in p ers on , I’d p rob ab ly i gno re the fact
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This shows that you’re authoritative in a way that still compliments her – these mixed messages make you seem more intriguing. Jenna (below ) po st ed a Tinder m
om ent of her in b
ed with
te xt s aying “Re ad y for b ed.
Goodnight :)” She was wearing a pair of glasses that she obviously decided to wear just for the pic bu
t acted li ke it was no rm al, so I picke d u p o n it:
Or raise unmentioned thoughts and dynamics to the surface:
Play. We all enjoy playing make believe; it’ssomething that we’ve doneas kids. Playing brings out those positive Level 1 emotions that we rarely experience.
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You can do this by role-playing – converse playfully as though you already have a dened relationship. It’s perfect for igniting her imagination and creating interesting discussions. Role-plays are usually driven from the opener that you use. The type of role-plays are only limited to your imagination. You can pretend that the two of you are in a committed relationship:
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Framing the conversation is also another type of play – it’s about creating a conversation from a unique perspective. Here’s an example where the guy frames the conversation well:
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Or simply playing with words:
But don’ t overdo it The techniques above work amazingly well at creating interest and emotion, but it’s not necessary to use them for every message you send. Too many of these techniques in one conversation is like a fruitcake with too much fruit. After a while you’ll get a feel for the best combinations to use at the right time. You’ll also nd out what methods are best suited to you – these methods shouldn’t alter your personality, but highlight it.
RECOVERY A N D N EGATIVITY Sometimes things just don’t go to plan, but that’s OK. These are the three main issues you’ll come across on Tinder and how to deal with them:
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Issue # 1 : You se nd her a m essage and she doe sn’t r eply. Diagnosis: A lot of the time she’ll legitimately miss your message – if she matches with new guys or receives messages after yours, your message can get lost in her inbox. Or perhaps she simply hasn’t checked her messages for a while. What to do:
Check her prole to see when she was last active. If she was active before your message, give her some more time to check her messages and respond. If she was last activeafter you sent your last message, then read on below. Send a follow-up message. All you need is a message that will take you to the top of her inbox. It can be simple or it can be something hilarious and ridiculous. Examples from Dating App Cheat include: “P le ase res po nd , m y fra gil e heart can ’t ta ke the suspense
an y lon ger. ”
“L oo k here you b eautif ul broa d, I tap ed m y pho ne to m y f ace li ke four d ays ago an
d h ave
been s itti ng in m y pa rking lot w here the re ce ption is stron ges t wa iti ng fo r you to m es sage m e back e ve r si nce . Wh y are you p layi ng ga m es wit h m y heart? ”
Or in this instance, aPOWER Message from Dating App Cheat w as used to reboot the conversation after 15 days (weirdly enough it was 15 days to the minute!):
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Or use something related to your message: This girl’s prole said she has a degree in Applied Mathematics, which explains the statistics/ reg res sion com m ents.
What not to do: Don’t follow up your non-replied message with something that’s negative, aggressive or apologetic for what you said. Even if she replies, your chances of seducing her will be almost zero. Don’t follow up immediately – overwhelming her will demonstrate impatience and insecurity.
Issue # 2 : She’ s being nega t ive or over ly bor ing. Diagnosis: She could be disinterested in your conversation or be in a bad mood. What to do:
In this situation all seduction opportunities are decreasing rapidly. You need to take action, otherwise the conversation will deteriorate and you’ll be perceived as boring, submissive and desperate – which are all extremely anti-seductive qualities. If she’s being boring and replying with dull messages, you can respond with a slightly patronizing and sarcastic line like this:
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“T ha t w as q uite the aw
e- inspiri ng res po nse. I’m com plete ly i ntr igued, please tel l m e m ore. ”
Or if she’s being negative, you can respond with this subtly powerful yet playful message:
*If you’re unaware, Eeyore, Pooh and Tigger are characters of the children’s series Winn ie the Pooh – Eeyore is known for being exceptionally gloomy and pessimistic. You can see that the Eeyore message, which portrayed her as sad and boring, created Level 2 emotion. What do you think her subsequent response was, positive or negative? Take a look:
Responses like the above signify that you have standards – it shows you’re not desperate and command respect, yet it is still accomplished in a fun a play ful manner.
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If she continues to be boring and negative, then call her out on it directly – treat her like a father would treat a daughter who’s being disrespectful and let her know you won’t stand for it. What not to do: Don’t ignore her negativity/dullness and attempt to continue the conversation as normal – seduction opportunities will decrease, your self-respect will depreciate and you’ll be wasting your time on someone with an unattractive attitude or personality. Take action and remedy the situation or focus your attention on a better target.
Issue # 3 : She’s t est ing y ou, also k nown as “shit -t est s.” Diagnosis: Consciously or unconsciously, she’s giving you little tests to see what you’re made of – it’s an easy way that girls lter out the men from the boys. It shows a girl hasn’t developed an appropriate amount of respect for you but is also a strong indication that she is interested in you.
Examples of shit-tests: Her: I’m bo red, ente rtain m e. Or
Her: You ’re a big p laye r a ren’ t you ? Or
Her: You lose po ints for th at o ne. Or (after bringing up a date) Her: Giv e m e three re asons wh y I sho uld go o n a da te with you . As you can see, shit-tests have avors of entitlement, arrogance, disinterest and deprecation, so they’re reasonably easy to identify. Shit-tests provide you with the opportunity to either cement yourself as a person of value and increase attraction or wipe out any dignity that you have and lose her desire completely.
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What to do:
Shit-tests aren’t something that you should try and “pass.” It’s the type of behavior you’d expect from a bratty little sister, so you need to react accordingly and dismiss it. Here are three ways you can do so: 1. Agree andamplify (to absurdity). This is a fun and irty way to dismiss her comments, which means there’s less chance of your comments backring. When faced with her shit-test challenge, she’ll expect you to defend yourself. So you do the complete opposite and take it to another level – that’s exactly what the Agree and Amplify method does.
Here’s an example of an Agree and Amplify response in a very common Tinder shittest: after you use a good opener or mid-conversation line, a lot of girls respond with, “Haha does that line work on all the girls?” or “Do you use that line on all the girls?” The test is on the lower end of the shit-spectrum, so the response should reect this – keep it light and irty.
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2. Fire back withopenness and honesty . Similar to the Agree and Amplify method, openness and honesty catches her o-guard. By replying to a dicult question with absolute honesty and openness, it will show that you’re not fazed by her attempts to corner you into submission.
Her: So how long have you been on Tinder and how many girls have you hooked up with? You: Be en o n for 3 w eek s. 3 d ates an d h oo ke d u p w it h tw o o f t hem . You: And you? 3. Use The False Takeaway . This method lightly “threatens” a departure, demonstrating that you’re willing to end the o c nversation. It is an indirectway of demonstrating value – it’s saying, “I have other options so I don’t need to put up with your crap.”
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The example below shows a conversation with Kristy. The conversation was going well, and she showed a lot of interest. All of a sudden her persona changed from interested to challenging, and she said, “Who says we’re going on a date?” It’s not a harsh shittest, so the rst response (“can’t argue with fate”) was still playful and positive. Then she steps it up with an all-out shit test: “No. You’ll have to do better than that.” So a false takeaway (“we’ve lived, we laughed…”) is used to call her blu:
. What happened next? She replied almost immediately with, “You’re silly.” That’s a sign that the false takeaway worked. She’s no longer acting negative and superior – the tables are turning.
The “You smell” was a playful comment but still had some signs of a shit-test and negativity. So the Eeyore negativity response that was discussed before was used:
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In a matter of a few messages, her attitude went from the shit-testing, “Who say’s we’re going on a date? You’ll have to do better than that” to the very interested, “What are you doing Thursday night?” No te : I t’ s wor th m entioning to yo u th at it’ s e asy to d is se ct a con ve rsation in to d etail after the fact , but it do es n’ t m ean you sho uld be thinking this ana ly ti call y du ring you r con ve rs ation
– just be yourself, don’t jump through her silly hoops to try to please her and you’ll be ne. These shit-test responses are simply here to provide you with specic approaches that represent that attitude (condent and contented). Think of them as training wheels until tha t atti tude i s a p art of w ho you a re .
4. Call her out on her bullshit. It is exceptionally powerful at mitigating her bratty behavior. Rather than accepting her self-perceived superiority and trying to please her like most guys would, you tell her exactly how childish and ridiculous she’s being.
There should be no aggression or hostility from your side – calling her out should be communicated in a calm and controlled manner, almost as though you feel bad for her because of how she’s acting. By letting her know that you don’t accept her shit, you’re elevating yourself above the pack, conrming yourself as a person of value. This method does have its risks. Shocking someone with reality can be confronting, so negative reactions are common. This is an all-or-nothing approach, so I recommend you purposefully use this only trying in extreme circumstances and to appear superior. – when girls are being overly egotistical
A light version of calling her out would look like this: Her: I’m bo red, entertai n m e. You: Sure your
sm il e i s c ute, bu t I ’m no t your da ncing m on ke y.
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What not to do: Don’t try to please or impress her by jumping through all her silly little hoops – it will do you more harm than good. Don’t get emotional – the purpose of a shit-test is to get a reaction out of you. So be calm and controlled and you’ll demonstrate that you’re a man of value, validating the interest that she has in you. Don’t look too hard for shit-tests – if you treat every question and comment as a shittest, you’ll never create a rapport, and your seduction opportunities will be limited. Simply be yourself, stay in tune with your sense of self and you’ll be able to tell the dierence between a witty comment that she uses to irt and a shit-test that’s trying to take advantage of you.
CON VERSA TION BEST P RA CTICES In addition to the methods and techniques we’ve already discussed, here are the other major (yet incredibly simple) conversation practices that will ignite attraction in your Tinder target.
Do:
Focus on feelings and sensations. Talk about nostalgic subjects, playfully joke about how you’re going to have the most romantic Tinder date ever, or how you’re going to sweep her o her feet. These are the types of topics that unleash emotion and create a seductive environment. Just be careful not to get too serious with this – ensure you keep the conversation light-hearted and playful, otherwise it can come across as creepy.
Interact as if you’re best buddies – use the buddy-perspective . Talk to her like you’ve known each other for years, as if she’s just one of your pals. If you were messaging a stranger you’d say, “Hi Kate, how was your weekend?” but if you were messaging a close friend you’d say something like, “Hey there Miss Kate, what trouble did you get into this weekend?” If you apply the buddyperspective, it completely changes the conversation dynamic. Comf ort, rapport and chemistry – fake it ‘til you make it.
Utilize emotive language. Emotive language is a large reason why girls go crazy over books likeFi fty S h ad es of G rey. It will prime and inuence your Tinder target to feel those emotions and associate them with you. Don’t just say, “When
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we go on our date…,” say, “When we go on our amazing date…” Am azing, wh is per, lust, Tinder crush, absurd amounts of irting, intimate, sweep you o your feet and adventure are all examples of emotive language that you can incorporate into your conversation. Just don’t overdo it so much that you sound like a love letter sent during WW2.
Use yourisdate as a topic of conversation. Date-talk the perfect subject for irty Tinder conversation. It’s easy to talk about with any girl, it encourages her imagination to run wild and it produces an enormous amount of Level 1 emotions, particularly anticipation and excitement. Simply put, it’s an interesting topic. So don’t leave it until after you get her number – it should be a pillar of your Tinder conversation. This is covered in detail in the chapter on Planting The Seed: Date Talk.
A great way to practice (and have some fun) is by using Tinder on Bluestacks on your PC. You can set your location to anywhere in the world, which means you can chat to girls from all over the wold. Go to www.tinderseduction.com/ bluestacks to nd out how. Plus, it’s completely free!
Practice. Don’t only chat to girls that you want to meet up with. Practice on all the Tinder girls you can (hint: swipe right on all girls to maximize your matches and practice
opportunities). Try new techniques and new routines and test the limits. You’ll start to realize that dierent approaches work better for dierent personalities.
CON VERSATIO N M ISTAKE S “E ve rything I
’m no t m ad e m e e ve rything I am
.”
– KANYE WEST
A lot of the time if you simply avoid conversation mistakes, you’ll impress her by default. Here is the list of errors you need to be aware of and avoid at all costs.
Don’t:
Don’t focus on boring information and topics.
Avoid topics like the weather,
work and school, which people talk about every singleattend day. Your greatest danger is routine and familiarity . If these topic s arise, quickly to them and hange c the path of the conversation to something more exciting and emotional.
Don’t argue and get defensive. It will also make her defensive and closed o (Level 3 emotions). You should bend like the branches in the wind. The only exception to this rule is if you have a playful or irty disagreement – which is recommended.
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Don’t make the mistake of asking lots of questions in an eort to create conversation. Your conversation shouldn’t be an interrogation lled with interview-style questions and answers. Have you ever noticed how old friends speak in statements? Their conversation isn’t a series of back and forth questions, but rather interesting statements that feed o one another. Also, generally the person who’s asked the most questions is the person with the upper hand in conversation dynamic – let that person be you.
Don’t be negative . Nagging, criticism and complaining are ugly qualities that will evoke Level 3 emotions in your target, bringing the mood of the conversation down.
Don’t overshare . Oversharing leads to boredom and familiarity. It’s a great paradox – the less she knows about you, the more she’ll want to know. Getting to know each other isn’t a race, so don’t force it. Let it happen naturally.
Don’t tell her directly that y ou’re a nice or funny guy . It reeks of desperation and insecurity. Great guys don’t need to tell people they’re nice or funny. It will reveal itself naturally through the conversation.
Don’t unnecessarily apologize . Apologizing to someone you only recently started chatting with is the quickest way to turn her o you. If you make a mistake or say an unfunny joke, don’t run or hide from it – own it! Learn from the experience and don’t dwell on it, and she’ll quickly forget.
Don’t act scared or desperate . Being afraid tosay something wrong or feeling worried that she’ll leave the o c nversation shows that you hav e no other options. It’s highly unattractive and the wrong frame of mind to be in. You need to have an “I know I’m a great guy – entering my world will be the best thing that can ever happen to her” attitude (condent and contented).
Don’t make the mistake of over-complimenting girls to make them feel good. They receive the same compliments every day. Give them an occasional and unique compliment and it will keep them wanting more.
Don’t let conversations aect your emotions. Keep yourself busy, have conversations with lots of girls and don’t stress if they don’t reply straight away.
Don’t be overly persistent . You may think that overwhelming your Tinder target with attention will convince her of your aection – instead it will convince her of your impatience and insecurity.
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Don’t talk t oo much about yourself. The conversational focus should be on her – everyone’s favorite topic is themselves. When girls say things like, “He was so interesting” or “He is so easy to get along with,” sometimes it’s just a substitute for, “I was the focus of the conversation, and it made me feel good.” Plus, when you’re focusing on your Tinder target, you’ll be less self-conscious, which will make you seem more condent.
Don’t be afraid to fail – to be bold and take risks. If you tiptoe around, you’ll never make an impression on your Tinder target. Treat Tinder like the game it is; try out dierent methods and approaches. If something fails, learn from it and then play again.
SUM M ARY N OTES FOR A GREAT CON VERSATIO N
After opening the conversation and before getting her number, you need to demonstrate value – this builds a rapport and creates attraction.
Girls want to be rescued and whisked away to a life of excitement, romance and purpose. Give them a taste of that life they desire, and they will feel like they need to be with you. You will be like an addictive habit of theirs.
Use the conversation techniques that elicit attraction and interest: use unexpected comments so you seem unpredictable (interesting), be a little vague to keep her curious, use openness and honesty to break down barriers and challenge her and play to evoke Level 1 emotions. But don’t overdo it.
Not everything goes to plan, but that’sOK. If she doesn’treply to your message, is boring or negative or dishes out shit-tests, stay cool and use the suggested response tactics.
Follow conversation best practices to ignite attraction.
Avoid conversation mistakes – you’re likely to be successful by default.
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PLANTING THE SEED: CULTIVATE A DATE So w ou ld you li ke to go on a d ate with m e? I cringe every time I see a guy ask a girl out like that. It’sso submissive, so clunky and boring.If a guy asks a girl out, this is
how it usually goes down:
Note: Although this chapter focuses on formal dates (i.e. dinner or drinks) with your Tinder target, the same principles are applicable to any kind of meet up (i.e. a casual hangout or hook-up).
The Treacherous Path to a Date: You can see there is a path that leads to a date, but it’s treacherous and lled with issues: It’s a blind path. There’s no indication (low levels of condence) that the girl is interested in a date until very late in the process. There’s a high chance of failure even after a decent amount of time and eort has already been invested. Asking. Asking for a date is basically communicating “I think I might be good enough for you … what do you think?” It’s completely submissive and demonstrates a lack of selfcondence. Plus it’s uninspiring – when it’s framed as a request, a “date” in this respect just represents a placeholder in her schedule, which doesn’t give her much to get excited about. It’s a chase requiring signicant eort. The guy chases to get her number, then again he chases to hear, “Yes, I’ll go on a date with you.” It’s hard work and no fun. Then after all that he can only hope
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that girl turns up for the date. The harder a guy chases, the less attraction she will feel toward him. A high ake rate. The timeframe between asking for a date and going on a date is small. She might have only said yes to be niceor change her mind, which means she’ll end up cancelling (aking) at the last moment. This frequently happens to some guys,
and they believe that this sort of aking is normal and expected on Tinder. This is the reactive let-stu-happen-as-it-happens approach. It works occasionally, though it’s not reliable. For consistent results you need to stop oundering on the treacherous date path and implement a strategy that’s proactive and focused. “Planting the Seed” performs this exactly – it’s powerful, ecient and, best of all, easy.
PLAN TIN G THE SEED – The Ultim at e Seduct ion Tool Planting the seed is where early on in your conversation you subtly (or not so subtly) plant an idea into their minds about your date experience, hinting at the seductive pleasure that awaits them. The seed is fed by the imagination of your Tinder target and eventually turns into a denite date expectation that excites her. Let me give you a real example of how and why this method works: take a moment and think of a girl that you really liked in high school. I bet you thought about her all the time – these thoughts lled your mind with excitement and happiness. Do you remember that? How you fantasized about being together with vivid scenarios playing on repeat in your head – all the fun you both could have (I imagined playful water ghts with super-soakers during summer), how your rst kiss might happen (behind the sports shed), or what it would be like snuggle on the couch watching a movie together (Finding N em o … weird, I know!). Planting the seedof your date will do exactly this to her - create fantasies of fun and happiness with you. Providing a vague outline of an exciting date experience will trigger this response. She’ll create vivid images of your date in her mind. She’ll eectively seduce herself by
her own imagination … an innitely more powerful seduction tool than anything else in this world. Planting the Seed – Path to a Date: Provides a clear path – Early date talk gives your conversation direction and purpose, a light at the end of the tunnel. No longer will you bounce from (boring) topic to (boring) topic, hoping that somehow you randomly hit the jackpot and get a date. You
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and your Tinder target will both be on the same page, which means you’re able to progress the seduction quicker. It’s ecient. So what happens if your conversation leaves that clear path and breaks down during date talk? What if she says she doesn’t want to go on a date or hang out with you? That’s an absolutely FANTASTIC outcome! Rather than wasting your time and energy on a dud prospect, as would happen if you left date talk to later in the conversation, you can instead focus your eorts on high-potential Tinder
targets. By rapidly ltering your high-potential matches, you’re able to concentrate your eorts on those that will give you the best results, making your Tinder successes skyrocket. Date talk is amazing conversation fodder . Date talk is the absolute best topic to arouse level-one emotions and creative a seductive environment. The subject itself is inherently seductive, lustful and interesting – it’s almost impossible to talk about a date and not arouse feelings of excitement, happiness, giddiness and anticipation. Leaving date talk out until the end of the seduction proc ess is incredibly wasteful – it’s one of the most potent seduction tools available, yet most guys never even realize
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this. Rather than being a short and awkward topic after getting a girl’s number, date talk should become a pillar of Tinder conversations – the ultimate seduction tool in your arsenal. Maximizes Anticipation – This is one of the most important aspects to having a great rst date experience. Have you noticed how you’re usually happier when you’re going out toon dinner than than on your e? Orhome? how you’re more excited you’re to go vacation youway are hom coming Anticipation in the when lead-up to anabout event is an incredibly powerful emotion. Bringing up date talk early in the conversation means you can squeeze out all the anticipation from this juicy topic, not leaving any behind. Although the girls won’t specically remember the pre-date build up, it adds to the overall atmosphere of the date – think of it as the pre-game entertainment before the Super Bowl. It sets the tone for the main event. It’s less work – You don’t have to chase. By doing a very small amount of work early on in the seduction process and planting the seed, you’ll never have to chase. That seed will grow intoanticipation and make her feel excited. After that it will bloom into expectation so that going on a date is a certainty. Going on a date is no longer a question of IF, but WHEN, which means you don’t ever have to ASK. The clunky “So would you like to go on a date with me?” is no longer an issue for you. It’s condent – Girls love being led – it’s like you’re reading them an exciting story where they’re the main character. The fact that the date is implied means you never have to ask (or grovel) for a date, which means you can maintain your condent persona. Plus, thecondence levels of a date occurring are higher through every step of the process which gives you piece of mind.
Rather than following the long and treacherous “Will you go on a date with me?” path that’s full of hard work, plant the seedearly and make her imagina tion do all the hard work for you.
H OW TO PLAN T THE SEED So now that you know how great this method is, let’s nd out how to do it.
1
Look for an opportunity to strike while the iron is hot. The best time to plant the seed is when your conversation is going well and she seems reasonably interested in you – it could be after you make her laugh, after she compliments you or after she’s asked you a series of personal questions (which demonstrates interest).
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2
Raise the idea of your meet up . Remember that you always have the ability to create and guide the conversation as you wish. Funneling the conversation toward the topic of your date is no exception, and it’s incredibly easy. You simply pick something out of your current conversation or recent comments and link it to your date. The suggestion for the date should ow smoothly from conversation, with an air of acceptance that the rst date is a given between the two of you and incorporating a hint of humor.
You can do it by relating her comments to a date – this is generally the smoothest:
Or simply create it from nowhere:
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Note: Take notice of the tactic used in the “I have an important question for you” line, as well as being present in the “our obvious chemistry” line. It’s a psychological technique used by marketers to inuence the decisionmaker – asking a question and providing two suggested outcomes that are eectively the same. So do you want to buy the car? vs. So which color car are you going to buy, red or blue?
This is a great way to provide that “air of acceptance” that the date is already agreed upon, which inuences your Tinder target.
3
Provide simple imagery of a positive date experience . This will create a vision in her mind and start to build the anticipation of your date. This step can be incorporated when you raise the topic (2) or immediately after. Be descriptive but don’tgo overboard; you want to give her mind enough room to fantasize. Dangle the date before her eyes and let her mind do the rest. Your description should create a positive expectation, even if wildly nonrealistic and silly. An example is: Her: (During mid-conversation) “Wow, you’re cheeky.” You: “Don’t get used to it, because we’re going old-school for our rst date…”
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Her: “Haha oh really!?” You: “I can tell you’re already excited. It’s going to be a gloriously wholesome aair, mixed with bubbling chemistry, intelligent conversation and absurd amounts of irting… It will still make your heart utter when we tell our grandkids about it ;) Her: “It sounds so perfect ;). So Mr… When is this amazing rst date?” Now after rst being attracted to your prole pics and like-swiping you, then having a great text-conversation with you, hearing something like this will get her imagination and expectations racing! This is exactly the frame of mind you want her in. The idea is not to ask for the rst date, but plant the idea that it is going to happen. Just incorporate the topic into discussion and explore it as playfully as possible. If a First-Date Hookup is You Goal Rather than creating an expectation of a platonic date, add in an extra sliver of intimacy.
The activities and venue you plan can also aid in planting the seed of an intimate date. My favorite (and most successful) date that provides an expectation of intimacy iswatching a movie : “We can hang out and relax, watch Netix, have lots of laughs and a little cuddle on the couch… but only if you’re a good cuddler ;)”
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If the conversation gets side-tracked, bring it back to the date topic. Some girls aren’t accustomed to open and direct date-talk, so they don’t know how to respond. Just keep with the topic and ensure you make it light and playful, otherwise it will seem desperate. You’ll soon feel her acceptance of your date begin to grow.
At this stage it might look like she’s not interested in a date because she focused on ice cream and not the topic of a date – she is intereste d, but she’s just not accustomed to such open communication. Don’t give up after the rst attempt at bringing up date-talk. Often all it takes is a gentle reminder:
If she doesn’t respond after the second attempt, then leave it for a while and try again when another opportunity arises (see Step #1).
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That’s it! Once you’ve completed step #5 the date will be well and truly planted in her mind. It’s now anexpected event rather than a possible or even unlikely event – which is exactly what you want.
5
Quickly lock down date logistics (optional). This can either be performed on Tinder or via text (once you get her number).
If she asks about logistics when you’re chatting on Tinder, then follow up with the below. Otherwise it’s best to leave logistics until after you acquire her number. Note: Date activities and recommendations are discussed in depth in the following chapters. Ask your Tinder target when she is free for your date, rather than suggesting a day/time yourself. This is the smoothest and most ecient way to agreeing on a date/time. She’ll answer with something like, “I’m free Wednesday and Thursday nights this week.” Then you select which of those nights works best for you. This approach also decreases the akerate (last-minute date cancellation) because she will feel compelled to show up for an appointment that she proposed and that works best for her.
Unless an obvious date opportunity has arisen (such as watching your favorite baseball teams play each other), setting up the details for the date can be dangerous. Mundane conversations on timing and schedule clashes or what time you nish work or what location is best, are enough to kill any vibe that you’ve built. The way to get around this is to be as vague as possible until a few days before the date (without sounding like a creeper!). Therefore it should go something like this: (Continu ing from
ab ove, st il l on Tind er or via text
)
Her : It soun ds so p erf ec t ;) . S o M r… Wh en is this am azing rst date?
You : Well, when are you free for an amazing rst date? [Repeating “amazing date” again crystallizes the idea in her mind that it’s going to be a great rst date and builds expectation…. and expectation is a key ingredient in a successful rst date]. Her: Thursda y or Friday eve nin g after wo rk w il l be bes t for m e : ) You: Thur sda y after w ork w il l be perfec t. I ’ve got to go b ut I’ll giv e you a call on M on da y night t o w ork ou t the detail s… an d to m ake s ure you’ re no t a ba ldi ng 48 -ye ar-old m an wh o’ s going to take m e ba ck to his ba sem ent for s om e “f un ” a fter the dat e ;)
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Adding a semi-comedic comment similar to the above makes light of the stranger-danger fear that is normal with a Tinder rst date. A light-hearted approach should put her a little more at ease – it changes her perspective from “I wonder if he is who he says he is” to “Does he really think I could be a 48-year-old guy? LOL,” which should minimize her defenses a little. You can then link this comment into the phone conversation (covered later).
That’s it! Your date will then be a certainty, which makes the next step (acquiring her number) easy.
SUM M ARY N OTES FOR PLA N TIN G TH E SEED
The transition to date-talk should be smooth. This means linking her previous comments or your current conversation theme to the date, wherever possible.
The date should have an air of acceptance, as if it’s already an agreed-upon outcome.
It should be framed as an event that she’d enjoy, even if wildly outrageous. Positive imagery will leave an impression, even if it’s not realistic.
Keep it light and fun.
The main goal is to inject your Tinder target with positive imagery and thoughts of meeting up with you.
If she asks about date logistics while chatting on Tinder, then lock down a date and event (i.e. dinner on Thursday or Friday after work). Otherwise leave it until after you get her number and call her.
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DIGITS: ACQUIRING HER NUMBER It’s not a big deal. Really. Some guys build “getting her number” into a grand event and treat it as the epitome of seduction success, as if it’s the winner’s trophy that’s given out after a successful seduction. That perspective creates two issues:
1
Firstly it creates a perceived exclusivity – it makes the guy believe that her number is a goal that he needs to work hard for, something that he’d be lucky to obtain. This is known as “putting it on a pedestal.”
2
Secondly it changes the way he interacts and communicates. A successful Tinder seduction is like a conversational dance where both the guy and the girl enjoy themselves, each playing an important role. But when getting her number has been put on a pedestal, by the time he goes for those digits, he changes from a waltzing dance partner into a beggar, like an employee asking for a raise from his boss.
If you’ve ever felt as though you’re inthis position, it’smost likely because you’ve made a big deal of it.
Purpose of Her Number Her phone number is simply a tool for the two of you to get to know each other more and form a stronger rapport.
You’ll achieve this rst through texting, because it’s a more personal mode of communication than Tinder messaging. Then you’ll be able to speak to each other over a phone call. Hearing each other’s voices and interacting in real-time is a big step up – she’ll no longer think of you as just one of her 200 Tinder-matches, but as a real person, because there’s more of a personal investment involved in a voice call. And with these improved commun ication methods, you’ll be able to be tter organize a date or hang out (Note: We’ll go through those texting and phone call strategies later).
As you can see, her number isn’t a “prize” for you that represents the conclusion of the seduction process. It’s just something that helps the two of you progress. And remember: She wants things to progress as much as you do.
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H OW TO GET HER N UM BER: THE M ISSIN G PIECE M ETH OD Obtaining her number should be something that ows casually from your conversation; it shouldn’t be a big event. An easy way to do this is by using the Missing Piece Method (MPM).
You should achieve these two objectives that we’ve already covered earlier:
1
Good Tinder Conversation. This comes from a good opener and then demonstrating value through your conversation. Easy.
2
An Expectation of Meeting. This is the part where you plant the seed that you’re going to go on a date or hang out in the future, which is achieved through planting the seed. As you know, this date doesn’t have to be locked in – it just has tobe an expectation that your relationship will extend beyond Tinder. Once again, easy!
You’ll then have t wo pieces of the puzzle:
Once the two pieces are in place, you then say something that link s these together by her number. For example:
OK, enough witty banter and irting over Tinder. What’s your number so we can take this irting to our dinner date?
As you can see, this isn’t really “asking” for her number. It’s simply lling in a gap, something that you’re both already expecting to happen. Instead of thinking, “Should I give him my number?” she’ll be focusing on the fact that it’s a step toward the rst date (that she already wants to go on), so it’s a non-decision. It becomes an automatic yes answer for her.
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Here are some example conversations which show the MPM in action:
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Here’s a conversation showing more of the lead in, then the MPM:
Add itiona l t ip # 1 – Incl ude a r eason. The MPM is a reliable way to get a girl’s number but it’s not the only way. If you decide to wing it, which I denitely recommend for learning, make sure you include a reason when you “ask” for her number – it’s a psychological trick proven to increase the likelihood of people adhering to your request. (The MPM already incorporates this into its execution – the date is the reason.)
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An example is: Wh at’ s you r nu m ber so we can
take this
to text? Ti nd er i s kil li ng m y ba tte ry.
There are two reasons added in the above example – “so we can take this to text” and “Tinder is killing my battery.” As you can see, it’s a much better option than, “Can I get your number?” But don’t overdo it with the reasons – two is the maximum.
Add itiona l t ip #2 – Don’t lea ve your number for her t o co nt act you . This may work occasionally for girls who are extremely interested in you, but as a general rule you shouldn’t rely on girls to get in touch with you. Plus, as outdated as it may seem, it’s usually expected that guys take the lead.
Add itiona l t ip #3 – Tr y not t o mov e from Tin der t o Facebook/ emai l/ WhatsApp, etc. This is simply sidestepping from one pool of random people to another. You’re not making progress. Always aimyou to get number so yourapport. canhat c inIfafor more personalized environment, which allows to the build a stronger some reason she really insists on using something other than her number, go with it, but recognize hatt it’s a sidestep that you need to improve on.
Add itiona l t ip # 3 – Subt ly pen etr at e an d nav igat e t hr oug h any r esi st ance . If after using the MPM she says she’s notsure if she’s ready to hand over her number, you can use a line like this, which is often all it takes to inuence her decision the right way: I reali ze it’ s q uite t he le ap of faith o
n yo ur pa rt, bu t m ost things wo
rth it are.
If after that line she says she’s still not sure, it means she’s interested but just not ready. That’s OK. All girls are dierent with varying levels of condence. Don’t push the issue and continue to request her number, as this will make you appear desperate. What you need to do is take a step back, go into a normal conversation for a while until she’s more comfortable, then use the MPM again.
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TRANSITIONING TO TEXT Once you get her number, moving a conversation from Tinder to text can be tough – it’s not a sure thing that you’ll pick up the conversation where you left o. The conversation tone can change from one that is seductive over Tinder to a boring text conversation that zzles out immediately. Or worse, a girl may not even reply to your text messages.
You need to treat the transition to text as if you’re starting a conversation and building a rapport with a new Tinder match, but you can do it at a higher speed. The perfect way to do this is to use a mini-opener. The mini-opener should achieve two things:
1
Clearly identify who you are – either by stating your name or implying that it’s you. The last thing you want is for her to reply, “Who is this?”
2
Be fun and irty – don’t leave behind the seductive environment on Tinder. You need to take it with you to text.
Here is my favorite mini-opener that works well: Hey, this i s [ You r Fi rst Na m e] . I ’m looking see n h er? ; )
for m y Ti nd er crush w
ith th e c ute sm il e –
Change the “cute smile” part to something that you’ve discussed on Tinder. And don’t forget the wink face – it actually makes a big dierence! If you are having a slightly sexual and very irty Tinder conversation, you can use this mini-opener: Her: M y num ber is xxx- xxx- xxxx. You: I’ll se nd you som ething na
ugh ty s o yo u kn ow it’ s m e ;)
Then your rst text to her will literally be “something naughty,” like this: You: Som ething nau
ghty ; )
Her: Hah a s m arty : ) Note: It’s best not to use the “something naughty” line when your Tinder conversation hasn’t been sexual – saying you’ll send her something naughty is likely to scare her o.
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SUM M ARY N OTES FOR ACQ UIR IN G H ER N UM BER
Getting her number is no big deal – it’s just part of the process.
Use the Missing Piece Method: have a good Tinder conversation, create an expectation that you’ll meet up in the future and then link the two when you obtain her number.
Don’t “ask” for her number. This is what people who make a big deal about it do. It should ow naturally from the conversation and become an expected outcome.
Ensure you include a reason when it’s time to get her number.
Don’t leave your number for her to contact you.
Avoid transitioning from Tinder to Facebook/email/WhatsApp, etc.
After encountering resistance, you can try once to inuence her; otherwise return to normal conversation and usethe MPM again when she’s comfortable.
When transitioning to text, use a mini-opener to ensure you carry the seductive environment over to text.
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DATE TIPS First dates can be hard. Especially a rst date with someone you met through Tinder or online dating. I know, because I’ve been on lots of them and have had my fair share of zzlers – awkward silences, strange conversation topics, lack of chemistry and terrible date venues… I’ve been there. But over the years I’ve also had lots of amazing dates. The kind of experiences that
you’ll remember fondly when 65 years old, asitting on your porch about the good old days. The you’re dierence between date that zzles andreminiscing a date that overows with chemistry comes down to a few simple things. If you can do these simple things right, you’ll be able to create rst date memories that last a lifetime … maybe even start a relationship that will last a lifetime. If you’ve followed the Tinder Seduction System this far, this is what you’ve achieved:
Opened the conversation
Had an interesting conversation
Planted the seed (date-talk)
Acquired her number and transitioned to text
At this stage, your Tinder target will be tremendously excited to meet you. She will be deliberating what to wear on the date to impress YOU, if her personality will be interesting and humorous enough, getting butteries pondering if YOU are going to like HER! This is what Tinder and seduction is all about – being able to create that lustful, excited feeling that everyone craves… So without further delay, I’m going to tell you how you can enjoy that feeling even more, by having a successful Tinder rst date experience that will leave your Tinder target craving more of you!
The First Call: Conrming Date Specics The rst call is an important milestone in the seduction process. It’s a dramatic increase in the level of intimacy – voice is much more personal than text. That rapid change in intimacy can cause issues and anxiety if you’re not prepared. Although your relationship rhythm may be smooth via xt, te that doesn’t automatically result in a smooth call or in-person meetup. Conversation topics can dry up quickly, leaving you with long and awkward silences – not the most seductive environment. The best way to avoid that undesirable situation is to have a purpose for your call. A purpose gives direction and meaning so your phone conversation won’t ounder
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around in forced, uncomfortable chit-chat. The best purpose is conrming your date details. A few days before the date, give her a call. Since you don’t want to surprise her with a phone call out of the blue, send her a text beforehand to give her the heads-up:
You: “I hope that rst date A-game of yours is ready for Thursday ;) Will give you a call in ha lf an ho ur to le t you kno w the det ail s.”
She’ll reply with a conrmation that she’s available.
Her: Ha ha A-gam e i s all I ha ve ! O k s peak soo n : ) Then in half an hour or so it’s time for the call. Remember these things: She is excited and nervous to meet you. She’s already conrmed she wants to go on a date with you. She is hoping hat t you are the man of herdreams. Remembering these facts will keep you condent. Stand up and smile during the whole call. This is a little trick that has been proven successful and is used by phone marketers – it will automatically put you in a more condent and personable state, which will project through the phone.
You should have the rst couple of opening sentences ready in your mind. This keeps you condent that the call will go well and ensures that you are in control of the conversation. An example would be: You: “Hey th ere _ ____. Ho w a re yo u ? [Nothing fancy, but remember to speak to her as if you’re buddies and it’s just a normal call.] Her: “Hey ! Gre at, tha nks. Ho w ar e you? ” [She’s going to be nervous and excited to speak with you – enjoy the energy!] You: “I’m fantastic… wow, you sound a little dierent than I expected.” Her: “R eall y? Wh at d id you ex pect m e to soun d li ke? ” You: “I’m not sure, just a little dierent, but that’s OK… at least you don’t sound like a ba ldi ng 4 8-ye ar-old m an tha t’ s going to take m e ba ck t o h is ba sem ent!” (Relating back to that srcinal comment you made over text will make you seem witty and also lighten the mood.)
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Her: “Hah ah a … y es , bu t perha ps I ha ve you foo le d.” That type of structure sets the tone for the rest of the call to one that is playful and witty. After this, continue shooting the breeze, enjoy the irtatious energy and conrm the details of your date.
One M or e Thing… Keep the call short! Five to ten minutes max. It is much better to leave her wanting more than exhausting the conversation before you even meet. It also shows that you’re in control. After conrming the details, wrap it up quickly. Here’s a golden line that you can use to conclude your rst conversation:
You: “I ’m in a bit of a hu rry s o I ha ve to go… plus, we do n’ t wa nt to ruin th e pre- da te m agic , do we now ?” (This line gets a giggle every time, I promise!) Wrap it up and you’re done! Congratulations! Your Tinder date is locked and loaded … and more importantly, your Tinder target will be even more intrigued with you and what you have to bring to the rst date.
THE DATE Tinder dates can be scary. You’re sitting there face-to-face with a stranger that you’ve been texting non-stop for the past week, but it’s not long before you realize that all that late-night text chemistry you had counts for nothing in person. And by the time that realization hits, it’s too late to x. You’re stuck on a bad date, full of long, awkward silences, with no escape route in sight. But it doesn’t have to be that way. In fact it’s incredibly easy to have an amazing rst date – you just need to know the right things to do. And once you know them, dating will be a breeze.
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4 GOALS TO KEEP IN M IN D ON YOUR FIRST DA TE
1
Make her feel comfortable… and then uncomfortable – Naturally, meeting a stranger can be daunting for a female at the best of times. But meeting a guy she met from a weird app called Tinder is even more daunting. Plus she’s extra-nervous because she’s attracted to this guy she’s meeting (that’s you). When you think about it from her perspective, you can see that there are a lot of reasons for her to be nervous and even wary. You need to accept this and work with it, which I’ll tell you how to do. For the “uncomfortable” part … by the end, you’ll nd out why this works. :)
2
Get to know each other – A person’s text-personality is often waaay dierent than their in-person or “real life” personality. She might have only been texting you whatever her friends have told her to say. And you’ve had the convenience of taking ve minutes between texts to come up with a witty reply to all of her comments. Going on your rst date and meeting in person is like starting your relationship from scratch, so you need to take the time and eort to get to know each other in “real life.” Don’t expect this to happen automatically because you get on so well over the phone or text.
3
Build a rapport – The rst date is supposed to be the launching pad to bigger and better things. Use this opportunity to really explore your “connection.” I’ll give you a number of tips that will fast-track this rapport-building stage, avoiding mistakes that many people make and including some advice you wouldn’t expect.
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Enjoy yourselves – Dating should be fun! Enjoy the process of getting to know someone and experiencing dierent social situations and emotions. If you have that attitude, it’s almost impossible to have a bad rst date. A large part of enjoying yourself is just being yourself – don’t try and be the person you think that she will like. Be authentic and genuine … it is much more attractive.
DATE VENUE AND ACTIVITIES
When choosing what you’re going to do on your rst date, you should consider the four goals above. So ask yourself these questions…
What would you both be most comfortable doing? You both love the beach? That sounds like a cool date idea, right? Yes, but only in the movies. In reality she’s worried about how her makeup will look if you go swimming. She might be a little hesitant about a bikini viewing on the rst date. Plus there’s the sun, the wind and the sand to worry about. Don’t make things harder for yourself –the theipside, more comfortable she is onyou’ll the date, thelikely moretoshe’ll likeyour you.best Andself. on if you’re comfortable, be more present
What’s easiest? If you know a great bar but it will take her an hour drive to there after work, choose something closer. Also consider how hard it is for o y u to get to the date – you don’t want to show up 20 minutes late because you had to travel through peak hour trac to get there. Perhaps a Saturday morning brunch will be easiest because neither of you will be concerned with mid-week busyness.
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How can you get to know each other best? It’s easier to converse in a quieter indoor environment. But perhaps your date will be more comfortable (and therefore more herself) being a little active and fooling around playing a round of mini-golf.
What will show o your true personality?
What will you both get most enjoyment out of?
“That’s all great, but tell me exactly what I should do for my rst date, Marcus!” … OK, I hear you. ; ) Here it is, your rst date itinerary that gives you the best chance of impressing any girl.
The Fir st Dat e Template What to do: Go to a bar or restaurant after work, for drinks and a small meal . I recommend a small wine or tapas bar. This option allows you to chat easily with each other and, together with a few drinks, gentle background music and dim light, it provides an incredibly seductive environment.
There something aboutInstead having of a meal together that reallymeals, bondsI’ve people, this toisyour advantage. ordering two separate foundsoit use best to share three or so appetizer/tapas items o the menu. Sharing food o the same plate increases the intimacy of the date and connects the two of you – just make sure to use your manners! You can both graze the smaller meals over a longer period, which also helps to alleviate any date tension. Also a few appetizers is generally cheaper than two large meals. When: After work on a Wednesday, Thursday or Friday. The logic for this is that generally most people are busy early on in the week, and by the end of the week they can’t wait to escape work, go out and relax. It also gives your date something to look forward to, which builds anticipation at the start of the week. Then, if the date goes really well, you have an opportunity to hang out again a few days later on the weekend for your second date.
Note: Always make sure that you book a table a few days ahead of time! The last thing that you want to be doing on your rst date is walking from restaurant to restaurant together and seeing if there are any free tables.
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DATE DAY!
Although the date is set and you’re both excited, you still need to do a few extra things to make the process as smooth as possible.
You should have been texting a little from the time you organized the d ate until the day of the date – you don’t want to come in cold. Five days of no contact is likely to make the girl uncertain as to whether it’s still going ahead and is enough for a girl to cancel on the day because she was unsure. But don’t overdo it with texting! Although you can’t really impress her any more (you’ve already got a date lined up), you can certainly blow your chances if your text convos go bad, so stay in a “maintenance” phase.
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Pre -date “ wa rm ing up ” te xts , bu t ke pt to a m ini m um . I t’ s al so a n exam ple of how continuo usl y st res sing ab ou t w hethe r th e date will go ah ead …
gi rls are
It’s generally best to make sure the meeting details are fairly specic, as it decreases the uncertainty and stress from the girl’s perspective. Here is an example of being specic, and as you can see, even the most condent girls appreciate a guy who leads:
Girls appreciate and respond well to a condent and assured demeanour.
TH E M EET UP
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The initial greeting on the rst date can sometimes be dicult and awkward. People often look much dierent in person than they do in their prole pics, and you’re both generally a little nervous, so even nding each other in a busy bar or restaurant can be dicult. However, it is possible to avoid rst date awkwardness … here’s a routine that will start your date o smoothly:
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Text her an hour10orminutes so before theand date and hertable knoworganized. that you’ll be at the bar/restaurant early will getletyour
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Arrive at the bar/restaurant (make sure you’re 10 minutes early!) and get your waiter to take you to the table you reserved.
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Once you’re at your table, give your date a quick call just to let her know that you’re there. This has two big benets: rstly, it will alleviate her pre-date anxiety, and secondly, having a voice conversation will provide a “warm-up,” which makes the transition from Tinder to real life much smoother. The call should be quick and go something like this:
Her: (picks up the phone) Hey!
You: Hey [ Her Na m e], wh ere are you?
Her: Just on m y w ay. I ’m ru nn ing a li ttle late, sorry. late for the rst date!)
You: That’s cool … take your time, I just got here. Our table is out back near the big w indo w. It ’s pretty bu sy , so giv e m e a call wh en you ’re ou t the fron t, an d I’ll com e and ge t y ou.
Her: OK great!
You: Al l right, take yo
Her: See you soon !
(Girls almost always run
u r tim e … I’ll s ee you soon .
Once she arrives out the front, as you told her, she will give you a call to let you know that she’s there. Answer and tell her you’re on your way over. Don’t hang up the phoneand keep talking to her as you walk out toward her.
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As you towardathe front, should able tolooks recognize her as easily, she will get be holding phone to you her ear (andbe hopefully the same her as prole!). She should recognize you also. Once you’ve made eye contact with each other, hang up the phone and continue walking toward her. The little phone-walk-recognition trick makes the meeting process A LOT easier, trust me! By this time you’ve had two conversations over the phone in the last 15 minutes, so you’re already “warmed up” to each other, which ensures the date starts o smoothly.
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Say a nice hello and give her a hug and or a kiss on the cheek, but don’t get too handsy! Give her a unique compliment about her outt (girls can put signicant thought and deliberation into what they wear, so she’ll likely appreciate it).
THE MEET UP FOR HOOKING UP Even if you have conrmed over Tinder or text that you’ll be hooking up, you should still take a measured approach to your initial greeting – don’t start talking dirty and try to plant a lip-kiss as soon as you meet her otherwise you might scare her o. Welcome her with a kiss on the cheek. If she doesn’t hug you, playfully say, “Hey, where’s my hug?!” and then hug her. Getting a hug and kiss on the cheek is an important step – you want to develop comfort with physical intimacy early. Plus, physical contact will release oxytocin, a hormone that makes you both feel good and improves your bond. It will go a long way to setting the tone for you to achieve a successful intimate encounter.
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Lead her to your table and then sit down… Congrats! Your Tinder rst date has started smoothly and you’re well on your way to sweeping her o her feet. :)
M ID-DA TE TIPS AN D A DVIC E
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The most import ant t ip: Focu s on he r . Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you need to be the main event of the date for her to like you. If you can make her feel emotion, feel like she’s interesting, feel like she’s comfortable sharing personal stories with you, then she’ll enjoy the date and like you.
Another benet of taking that perspective is that when you’re focusing on her, you’re too preoccupied to be self-conscious, so you even appear more condent.
Conversation DON’T BE BORING! The conversation should be focused around topics that make her feel good. So talk to her about her passions, let her reminisce about her great memories and get her on a nostalgia high. Keep everyday, mundane conversations topics like work, school and weather to an absolute minimum.
If you really want to build rapport and create chemistry, you need to get past the outer layer and into her core (no sexual metaphor there, I promise!).
Your conversation should be unwrapped like an onion, starting o reasonably light and general. Then when you both start to feel more comfortable, take things up a notch and ask more revealing questions. Getting stuck in that rst layer of conversation is why girls will say, “He was OK, but there wasn’t any chemistry.” It’s because the conversation didn’t give chemistry a chance! This is backed up by a social experiment by Dan Ariely, a behavioral scientist who found that generally, people who used online dating didn’t present themselves as interesting people, all because they stayed in their conversational comfort (boring) zone. By trying to be nice, they ruined any chance of creating an attraction. To help this “core” conversation ow, you can agree with your date upfront (playfully, of course) that you’ll only talk about interesting topics. Hereare areunique some questions discussion topic s that will really ulate conversation. They and will beand quite challenging, but denitely notstim boring.
What were you like in high school? Then say, “Wait … let’s guess what each other was like in high school. I’ll go rst.” Then proceed to guess if she was a nerd, or a bit of a bully, sporty, hung out with the cool group, a little shy, etc.
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Do you have any brothers or sisters? Where do you t – oldest, youngest? Just like the high school question, play a little guessing game and say things like, “Well , you se em fairly ind epend ent, eve n like you cou ld b e a little w il d a t tim es … I denitely think you’re the youngest child!”
What’s your real passion in life? If you won $20 million tomorrow, how would you spend Exploreifthis it will great plans, insights into her personality: whetheryour she’slife? motivated, she –has any give big future whether she even thinks about the future, or is happy just being in the moment.
First impressions are a really interesting topic, don’t you agree? So let’s tell each other our rst impressions. You might be surprised what I thought about you… Just be completely honest but still nice. You can tell her that she has a really bubbly energy to her that you didn’t pick up through text. Or that she’s a little taller than you were expecting. Or that she gives a good hello-hug. This topic is a great opportunity to break down barriers and build chemistry, but you need to be condent and completely honest … otherwise it will work against you.
What’s one of your favorite childhood memories? Take time to really explore this of hersthat andmemory. take an Let interest in it, inquiring into all the emotions that memory she felt during her feel those emotions again.
Why do you think we’d get on well in a relationship? List o things that you have in common and compatible personality features. This is a great way of creating positive imagery and thoughts, which leave a lasting impression. Make sure to keep this topic light and playful.
If you took me home to meet your parents, what would they say about me? Another way to create positive imagery and thoughts.
Tell me something you nd attractive about me. If she is a bit uncertain or uneasy about answering that, say,“OK, I’ll go rst.” Then select a few really unique things about her that you nd attractive, a mix of physical and mental. An example would be,“Wel l, from a m ental aspect, from w ha t I can tell you ’re quite a deep th inker, an d to m e that’ s a really attra cti ve qua li ty. Physi call y, tho se cute dimples of yours have denitely caught my attention … but I’ve already told you that on Tinder.” The more unique the qualities you tell her, the more attered she’ll be. Then sit back and hear the compliments she gives you … to which all you need to say is, “Thank you.”
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The key is to nd topics that are slightly uncomfortable (in a good way) and unique to talk about. Prod carefully and feel for her conversational boundaries, then explore those boundaries from all areas. Remember, to receive you need to give … so be prepared to reveal a little about yourself in the conversation. Exploring her uncharted areas will make her feel in the moment with you … and have her telling her friends how interesting you were. Note: Under no circumstances should you vent and pour your heart out. Girls don’t want to hear your problems on a rst date. Keep it positive. Body Language
When we rst meet people, we quickly make judgments about their friendliness, dominance and potential as a sexual partner. Body language plays a huge role in how other people perceive us and how we perceive others. Here are some quick tips that will help you on your date. Smile – It’s obvious, smiling is contagious and makes each other feel better. Your date will see that you’re smiling and will be more likely to smile as well, ing makher feel better. Maintain “open” body language throughout your body date language – Don’t basically cross your arms or legs and lean slightly toward your date. Open shows that you’re genuine, honest and have nothing to hide. It also demonstrates condence. Watch her body language – You also want to see open body language from her, which shows she’s comfortable with you. At the start of the date she’s likely to show signs of closed body language – her arms and legs may be crossed or hands clasped closed. Don’t let this worry you! This is relatively normal, as she is meeting a stranger and may be slightly wary and nervous being on a date with someone shelikes. Slowly but surely you’ll see her body language open up, which is a sure sign that you are making a good impression.
Also be on the lookout for indications that she is very interested in you/irting. Signs include touching your arm in conversation, caressing something like her glass or earring, preening herself and icking or playing with her hair. They are great signs to see, but as long as you see her at least slightly leaning in toward you (and not away!), you know you’re doing well. Here’s another secret tip: A lot of girls are nervous in the rst 5 or 10 minutes of the date, which isn’t ideal. If you notice this, tell her, “You seem pretty comfortable and condent for a rst date – I’m impressed,” with a warming smile on your face. We
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humans are incredibly suggestible, and the fact that she thinks you see her as being comfortable will make her feel more comfortable. Maintain a good amount of eye contact – Looking into each other’s eyes increases attraction and intimacy. You can help this along by talking about the colors of each other’s eyes and asking her what color yours are. This will get her looking into your eyes fast-track the otherwise intimacy process. Butyou’re don’t a overdo thecreep! eye contact and stare and into help her eyes all night; she’ll think massive
CHECK
Take care of the check – It makes you feel good. Maybe it’s some type of primordial pride to being the provider, maybe it’s a control thing or maybe it’s just nice to give. If only because it makes you feel good, you should pay. But there are also many other reasons why you should:
If you don’t make a big deal aboutit, taking care of the check will also make you
look condent and in control, which will be attractive to your date.
Both you and your date want to experience a seamlessly smooth, chemistrylled date night – don’t let something as insignicant as a few dollars ruin that. In 10 years you won’t remember those dollars coming out of your bank account, but you will remember those warm feelings of having the perfect date night.
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Handle this by politely saying,“Thanks, that’s nice. But I’ll look after it.” If she continues to persist, have a smile on your face and say, “Look, I’ll take care of tonight, and you can look after our second date.” She will be absolutely attered and impressed that you’re already talking about your second date.
ELIM IN ATE POST-DATE STRESS
Line up your second date before the rst has nished – If during the date you are interested in her and are pretty sure she is interested in you, then bring up the topic of a second date. This takes away all of the post-date stress by knowing that you have a second date planned, or at least in mind. It should be done in a light and playful manner. After she tells a joke, you can say something like,“Haha you’re reasonably funny… I hope you’re this funny on our second date.” It will be enough to plant the seed in her mind of your second date. Or if during conversation you’re talking about something you both love doing, you could use that as an excuse for a second date, like watching your favorite baseball team or band the following weekend. Lock in the second date early and you’ll only get her more excited!
*Note: This should only be done very late in the date and only if you’re almost certain that she’s very interested in you, otherwise you’ll look too clingy. Get an immediate post-date text. Picture this: The date is done and you’ve both gone home. That night you don’t receive a text from her, and you don’t send one to
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her, either. The next morning both of you are happy with last night’s date, but there’s still some confusion (and stress) over whether you should text rst or wait a few days. Then you start getting worried, thinking that maybe she didn’t even like you… It’s totally unnecessary. Just like organizing your second date before your rst has ended, you can eliminate post-date stress by getting the post-date text from her immediately. When she’s about to get in her car or a cab, say to her, with a half-cheeky smile, “Make sure you text me when you get home safe, I don’t want to be up all night worried about you.” Besides the fact that it helps you, looking out for her safety is a nice thing to do.
Then when she gets home, she’ll send you a “home safe :)” text, which will break that post-date ice. And if you’re not careful, that post-date ice can build very quickly, making things dicult for you. If she forgets to text you, then send her a message the next day saying something sarcastic and playful like, “I’ve been up allll night worried sick … did you get homesafe? ;)” And it, the date template is almost to leave dateand completely giddythat’s with lust. If you haven’t beenthat on many rst certain dates, follow this your template you will do ne. Once you start to have a little experience, change things around to suit you, your personality and your date – this is just one of a million ways to have an amazing rst date. I’d be interested to hear your date stories, so leave a comment below and let me know what has and hasn’t worked for you.
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EXPERT TIP: Goodbyes d on’t have t o be hard (or awkw ard) It’s confusing and sometimes scary to know what you should do when it comes to saying goodbye on a rst date. A million thoughts can race through your head. Do I kiss her on the lips?know Or willwhat I scare o?about! Hug her? Shake her hand? Or is that not intimate enough? I think you I’m her talking So here’s a 100% certain way to end your date in style. Without the worry. Without the stress. When your date is nishing up and it’s time to say your goodbyes, follow this simple routine:
Wrap up your conversation.
Gently touch her left arm with your hand, just as you would if you were shaking hands with a close friend.
Then, with a warm and slightly mischievous smile on your face, look into her eyes and say these (magic) words to her: “Now don’t get too excited … I’m just going to kiss you on the cheek.”
Then smile again and proceed to give her a kiss on the cheek, but let it linger for just half a second longer than normal.
It’s the perfect rst date goodbye. Intimate yet respectable. Condent but not forceful. If she wasn’t ready for any lip action with you, she’llbe relieved (and impressed) that you condently went for the cheek-kiss. And if she did want ataste of your lips, she’ll beeven more eager next time you meet. It doesn’t seem like a goodbye will be important – after all, it’s only like 1% of the date, right? But when you think about it, it’s the last thing she will experience before she goes home. It’s like when you watch an awesome movie but its ending is a little bit crap. You pretty much only remember the movie for the bad ending. You don’t want your rst date goodbye to be that bad ending. And here’s something cool: When I’ve known a girl for a while and I ask her what she remembers from our rst date, she’ll always smile and tell me, “I remember our goodbye and how you kissed me on the cheek.” It’s the Number 1 thing I get complimented on … and now you will, too!
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SUM M ARY NO TES FOR AN AM AZI N G DATE
Pre-Date Build Up:
When texting (on Tinder or via text), casually bring up the topic of your rst date.
Still via text, quickly lock down a day for your date by asking, “When are you free?”
Call her a few days before the date – rm up date details, irt a little then wrap it up quickly with the “don’t ruin the pre-date magic” line.
Select an appropriate date venue and activity – I suggest a casual tapas or wine bar.
Ensure you’ve reserved your date venue, if possible.
After you called her the rst time, ensure you at least keep a “maintenance” text conversation with her until your date day. Don’t go overboard with texting.
Send a couple more warm-up texts on the day of the date, rming and specifying any date logistics.
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The Date:
Arrive at your date venue around 10 minutes early, then give her a call to let her know you’re there and tell her to give you a call when she arrives.
She will call you when she arrives; stay on the phone and walk out the front. You will be able to recognize her easily now and will be “warmed up” to each other.
Show her to your table.
Focus your attention on her during the date and don’t try to show o, in an attempt to impress her.
Be aware of body language, both yours (stay open) and hers (try to get hers to open up). Maintain good eye contact.
Start o with light conversation, then slowly unpeel the conversational onion…
Keep the conversation to interesting topics that make her feel good – great memories, passions, etc.
Once comfortable, incorporate a few conversation topics that push the boundaries a little – if performed correctly, this is where chemistry and a connection is created.
If the signs are there, plant the idea for your second date in her mind.
Take care of the check.
After using your secret rst date goodbye, tell her to make sure she texts you when she gets home safe, eliminating post-date stress.
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FINAL WORDS What you do next is what really counts. “M an y a false st ep w as m ad e by s tan ding stil l. ” –
FORTUNE COOKIE
“I ’ve m is se d m ore tha n 90 00 shots i n m y caree r. I ’ve lost alm ost 30 0 ga m es . 26 tim es , I’ve been truste d to take the gam e winn ing shot a nd m is sed. I’ve faile d o ve r an d o ve r an d o ve r aga in in m y li fe . A nd tha t is wh y I s uccee d.” – MICHAEL JORDAN
Here’s what I recommend you do to really create momentum:
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Message every single one of your Tinder mat ches right now , including all conversations that have gone stale. Use the openers from Dating App Cheat and all the strategies that you’ve learned. You have no excuses. Then use the TINSANITY System with each conversation until you get the girl’s number (probable) or until she says no. Remember to embrace failure – it’s how you learn. See all of your current matches through to the end.
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Have your prole reviewed and receive constructive feedback. Make your prole the best it can be to maximize your matches. See the section on How to Improve Your Tinder Prole for a reminder of what you need to do.
3
(Optional) Once you’ve received yourprole feedback and from improvement recommendations,delete your Tinder and start scratch. This will “refresh” your Tinder account, allowing you to use your new and improved prole to match with girls you missed the rst time around. To do this, go to Tinder settings then select “delete prole.” Your Facebook account won’t be aected. Note that deleting your Tinder prole will delete all of your matches and conversation history, so if you decide to do this, ensure that you follow Step 1 rst – see all of your current matches through to the end before deleting them.
So are you going to learn all these cool strategies, have all these proven lines at your disposal and do nothing? Or are you going to jump on Tinder, utilize the motivation and knowledge you’ve gained from TINSANITY, have a heap of fun and start seducing?
You know is going to action work for you.bold, This take is going toand, be the change that takes youdeep to thedown nextthis level. So take – be risks most importantly, have fun! I could nish by wishing you good luck on your Tinder adventures, but I’m not going to … because I know that you’re going to crush it ;)
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Thank You! I’ve spent over two months writing TINSANITY trying to make it the best it can be for you, so if you have an extra second, I would love to hear what you think about it! The best way is to leave a comment at www.TinderSeduction.com/tinsanity .
*Most people who have read TINSANITY and shared it with others did so by directing them to the link above. Thanks for your support – I really can’t describe how much I appreciate it! Happy Tindering :) Marcus
[email protected]
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