TODD Manifesto Notes
Content: Close - Lots of varying tips and tricks Mental Models - Value & Comfort - Social Capital - Escalation - Acting Through Purpose Open - Direct vs. Indirect - Compliance Screening Blueprint Hook - F.R.E.D. model Emotional Connection - Qualification - Comfort building Physical Connection - Including final words Close Being the dancing monkey (entertaining and high energy) hooks her on the entertainment but doesn‟t hook her on you as a person. Think about what it should look like at the end of a pick-up. It shouldn‟t look like you were trying to force and convince her. She should be an active and willing participant in the escalation. So be sure to start with the end in mind! Get the girl to invest, get her to chase you. (That doesn‟t mean there‟s never resistance. If there isn‟t, you‟re only getting that small segment of girls and your reach is very limited. Some resistance is a regular part of sexual interactions.) Game isn‟t something you do to her, it‟s an experience you have with her and give her that allows her to invest in you and chase you. Guys often get excited and immediately try to make out and have sex when they enter the (bed)room. If you have a lot sex, that should not be a moment of extreme excitement. It‟s like a movie: The last 5 minutes don‟t mean anything without the rest of the story. Make the whole interaction an experience like that. That also means you should push her away a bit sometimes to make her wonder about the end of the movie. If you only push and never let her chase and invest, she already knows how it will end, it‟s not interesting for her.
The message should be “Maybe I will, maybe I won‟t”. It creates the experience, the wonder about the end of the movie. She will think “Why didn‟t he?”. It should feel like it “just happens” and not some pre-planned thing. The girl doesn‟t want to feel slutty (or used for just sex) about it. Central idea in game: Sex is good, both men and women love sex, but a man should make a girl feel not slutty about it. That‟s most of the game. A big part of game is taking the responsibility off of her shoulders. Guys also often try to get the girl in the bedroom instantly. This lessens your scope. The few girls that are down for that will be down for a bit of slower approach (as long as you‟re escalating), and you‟ll get a lot of others that aren‟t instantly down too. Also remember that most sex doesn‟t have to start in a bed. It may finish there, but probably won‟t start there. That way, it‟s more like “it just happened”. Broaden your scope. If you ask every girl “hey let‟s fuck” there‟s only a very tiny amount that will agree. That doesn‟t mean anything about whether or not you have chemistry. If you take different steps, your scope broadens. A lot of game is doing things in an intelligent manner that will get you the highest possible percentage chance of succeeding. The least chance of anything happening is when you don‟t escalate at all. Key components for sex: - You‟re alone enough to not get caught. - She‟s aroused enough to do it. This is what game essentially is about. Key concept of escalation: 2 steps forward, 1 step back. You always want to be pushing forward to a level that she‟s ok with, but no further. If you push further, you get a “no” which makes things take longer. Escalate to the point just short of “no”. Ideally the girl likes you emotionally but also logically (she took committing action). Logically means that, for example, she said she likes you, touched you, etc. She‟s committed to some degree. Escalation may feel somewhat uncomfortable for her, but ideally it should feel worse for her that you‟re backing off and not touching her. Point of no return: You‟re close to having sex, and if it doesn‟t happen at that point she won‟t ever want to anymore. You better damn well have sex from that point. E.g.: Fingering, dirty talk, etc. Before that point she should show signs of actively participating in the escalation. That should be taken care of before the point of no return. Take your cloths off first. Same message (we‟re going to have sex), but she won‟t hold your shirt to keep it on, in contrast to her keeping her shirt on.
Escalation isn‟t so much about what you do, but the message you convey. The idea is to convey the same thing without making it her fault, without asking for compliance. Don‟t go for it, asking for compliance, but tease her so she wants it. There‟s nothing to resist because you didn‟t actually do it, so there‟s mental space for her to want what was insinuated. Psychologically it might be even more arousing than the real thing. And again, you‟re conveying the sexual message without asking for compliance. Resistance moves: - Take her hands, pin them up above her head with your hand. Not very hard, but enough to help her pretend she couldn‟t help it. Also, the dominance is arousing. - Preemptive freeze out: A „normal‟ freeze out is a very reactive move, a bit “butthurt”. Break it off just before the „point of no return‟ if you‟re in doubt it will go on towards sex. Be attuned to her emotions and how they manifest. She won‟t notice her slightly tensing up most of the time, so if you do, that‟s not a “no” but instead shows you are attuned to what she feels. Same goes for slight movement/resistance in her hands when you are holding her hands above her head. Don‟t be scared of hearing “no”. It might happen but just try to minimize it, not prevent it completely. Trying to prevent no completely will stifle you. Make the distinction between a soft and a hard “no”. Soft means: Giggly and because she doesn‟t want to seem easy, but she actually does like what you‟re doing. Hard means that she‟ll call the police for rape if you keep going (she really doesn‟t want it). Letting it happen „naturally‟ is more effective than forcing it, going for soft “no” all the time, etc. It shows you‟re not needy and just there for the moment, the experience, the enjoyment, the fun. That vibe feels good for the girl. So don‟t treat escalation as a checkbox, just enjoy the flow. For example: Some girls won‟t kiss before sex (a small fraction). But that doesn‟t mean they won‟t have sex. It might seem necessary on the „checklist‟ but even that isn‟t. In the case of the kiss, she‟s actively participating so she feels bad (slutty) about it. A million different paths can lead to sex, be flexible. “No” can just mean “not this way” as well. Early rejection of a number for example, doesn‟t mean nothing will happen later (sex). Even a harsh rejection can become something if you meet up again or just stick with it. Be calibrated. Mental models Value & Comfort. You need both in order to sleep together. Value means you have good genes, confidence, you‟re a badass, whatever. Having social proof, self-worth, abundance (i.e. it doesn‟t have to „work‟), high standards, self-amusement etc. all convey that you are of high value. Comfort means that she can participate in your „badassness‟. If you‟re a badass and you just don‟t care about her, ditch her after sex and such, that‟s not good for her. At any point in the set, you need either more comfort, value, or both. At the right ratio and amount, you would already be having sex. As long as the ratio is within a certain acceptable range, she‟ll allow you to build value and comfort, but if it‟s too much of either the interaction is basically over. If it‟s going well,
you‟re making out and all that, maybe she‟s even escalating on you, but then she‟s suddenly gone, there was plenty value but not enough comfort. She‟s highly stimulated but she doesn‟t trust you, she associates you with quick fun. Too much comfort with too little value means you have a conversation and you know her deep secrets and all that, but when you try to escalate she doesnt accept it. She doesn‟t “see you that way” and rather sees you as a brother or friend. Or she only stays in the interaction if you provide her with things. Social Capital. At any given point in the interaction there are things you can get away with and things you can‟t. Example: If you know someone for 5 minutes and that person pisses you off, you‟re probably done with him/her. If someone pisses you off after 6 months of knowing each other, that‟s probably a minor issue and you‟ll move past it pretty easily. Typically, the more and longer you know someone, the more shared experiences you have, the more social capital you have. Also, the more things someone complied to with you, the more social capital you have with that person. Example: You put out your hand for her to grab, as escalation. However, she doesn‟t grab it. What happened is that you don‟t have enough social capital, you tried to „spend it‟ and actually decreased it because she didn‟t accept. Before you try again, you‟ll have to build it up a bit more again. On the other hand, if she accepts, it‟s like an investment and her commitment causes your social capital to go way up. This means that physicality can increase social capital greatly, IF it‟s accepted well. If it‟s not accepted, it can actually decrease your social capital. Physicality is essential of course, but you have to smart about it. This goes for physical escalation but also for other forms of escalation. In all cases, try to escalate in a way that you are free to do so but at the same time you avoid a „hard no‟ (costs more social capital). Example: You‟re saying “hi” to a girl, and you could just talk, shake her hand or hug her. Most guys will either just stand there and talk or shake her hand, both because it‟s safe. Or, they‟ll overtly hug her. The first is too indirect, the latter can easily cause resistance. A good middle road is putting your hand out in a way that suggests to her to come in for a hug. If she comes in for the hug, you hug her. If she doesn‟t, you drop your hand and go to or continue talking as if nothing happened. The chances here of hugging her are the same as when you overtly hug her, but when it doesn‟t, it‟s not a „failed attempt‟, so there was no „hard no‟. (Just like with Hand of God (explained later),
you suggest physicality in a confident yet low-key, low-risk manner, and when it doesn‟t work out you just go on as if nothing happened. It‟s no big deal.) Another example: Hold your hands palms up and tap the bottom of her hands with yours, with the intention of her taking your hands (after which you go to handclasps etc.). It‟s mostly subconscious for her. And if she doesn‟t, nothing‟s wrong, you can just let it go and keep talking. There are 4 types of escalation: - Physical escalation. Getting more physical and getting closer to a girl and to sex. - Verbal escalation. Saying „risqué‟ or sexual things, or things that show a lot of intent and man-towoman attitude verbally. It‟s like the difference between talking about the weather and talking about how you‟re going to fuck her. - Logistical escalation. Getting closer to a place where sex can happen. You start out in a club or another crowded area, but then you go to a less crowded area like the bar. Then, you move to a place to sit down where you‟re close together and more isolated. Then you take her outside, etc. - Topical escalation. Not necessarily about showing interest in her, but making the nature of the conversation and the topics more sexual and more about “we” instead of “I and you”. You can escalate on all these levels during the interaction. As long as there‟s escalation it‟s good, it‟s not
a problem if one form of escalation lags behind for a while. Just keep escalating. Different forms of escalation can fit different situations. However, there‟s a limit and if one kind of escalation gets too much attention it can get weird (goes back to the Value & Comfort thing). To what extent am I acting through my own purpose and intentions? Ask yourself if you‟re saying the things you want to say, or the things you think she wants to hear. As soon as you micromanage what you‟re saying and think ahead based on what you think she wants to hear, you‟ll be less charismatic and smooth, and you‟ll start to show bad little mannerisms. So whenever you‟re thinking about what to say to „please‟ her, block those thoughts and shift the topic to something irrelevant or even opposite to that. If you notice you are saying something that bores you, even when it‟s technically better to finish it, it‟s actually best to cut it off and switch to something that you‟re engaged in at that moment. Even when the technical game is less good that way, your attitude is better, so more congruent and confident. That‟s more important than the content of what you‟re saying. Tyler‟s old list of 25 things you shouldn‟t do, showed that it‟s generally better to focus on what you should do than what you shouldn‟t do. Thinking about what you shouldn‟t do makes you nervous and insecure. Most sets that are lost, are lost because something wasn‟t according to these 3 models (Value & Comfort, Social Capital, Acting Through Purpose.). A „noobish‟ 4th model is, part of Acting Through Purpose actually, is: Am I man-to-woman enough, am I escalating. Escalation should be a foregone conclusion but it can be something to keep in mind when you‟re starting out. If you do these things properly, it‟s actually hard to fuck up a set. That being said, it‟s not so easy to do these things properly, hence practice. Also, these models can help you to analyze sets and check what went well and how to repeat that, or what went wrong and how to avoid that and/or correct it. Open Keep the closing-part in mind. There‟s a difference between good and effective game. A lot of guys might be good at spiking emotion and getting buying temperature up, but they don‟t get laid. This is because they start off with a bad premise of the girl being on a pedestal and they needing to be entertaining and amazing enough to get her. The worst opener can work, what you open with content-wise doesn‟t matter. What does matter: - That you are loud enough to get her attention. Be a bit louder than necessary. - Your vibe is very important. - What you say immediately after the open. Being quiet instead of loud seems creepy, because it indicates you‟re afraid of others hearing it. That fear sub-communicates you‟re doing something wrong/weird/creepy in your opinion. Being a bit loud (clearly perceivable) indicates that what you‟re doing is fine, normal, acceptable.
Direct vs. Indirect philosophy of opening. Direct: “Hey you‟re cute I wanted to talk to you, who are you?” More direct: “Hey you‟re fucking hot, I want you.”, this can work too. Physicality on the open is also very direct. Indirect: “Hey I need your opinion on something…” or “Wow the music here is really good, etc”. Basically indirect is something that‟s not about you and her or sex. Go as direct as you can get away with, but no more than that. Too direct means you‟re too obvious and asking for too much compliance and she may feel slutty. But being as direct as possible makes the following steps easier, because the transition to sexuality and escalation is smaller. For this reason, also try to be physical from the open if you can. When it comes to opinion openers: Use the opinion opener (“Hey real quick, I need your opinion on something” or “Hey, I need you for a second”) to get the girl to stop and as a premise for the conversation, but then transition to what you actually want to say. Being direct saves time. Spending less time on the different steps is better because at some point you‟ll run out. Friends will come and try to take her away, the club closes, etc. The more direct you are, the more intense and exciting the situation is. A more intense interaction is harder for the girl to leave. More intensity means less easily distracted. The more intense the environment, the better it is to get physical quickly so you can trump the environment‟s intensity. In such an environment (like a nightclub), being physical is also more accepted so you‟ll get away with it much easier. Physicality is also an important/necessary part of communication in that environment because verbal communication is harder to do. Also, there‟s already more physical arousal for a girl so you should start „higher‟ in that energy already. In a loud club, there‟s more urgency and loudness and you‟re competing with the environment. Because of the environment, you‟re getting a relatively low amount of successful opens, similar to when you‟re very direct. So you might as well be very direct anyway and save time. So be direct in your statements, be physical, and be persistent. In daygame, it will often be much less acceptable to open very physical and also much less necessary because verbal communication is much more possible and usable. Daygame will probably be a bit more gradual anyway. Persistence on the open is very important, especially with the hottest girls and tough environments. Don‟t be a broken record, vary your angles. Infield example: “Hey!” *girls have jumpscare* “Wow wow hold on, that was a bit extreme, let‟s try that again. Hi, I‟m...” Usually with the hot girls you won‟t have a great open from the first word you say. But by being persistent and doing a secondary opener, the reaction will probably be a lot better. Example: Girl‟s first words on the open were “You‟re too short for me, that‟s a dealbreaker, sorry.” Yet Todd ended up sleeping with her. His reaction (deliberate misinterpretation): “Too short for what? Oh that‟s so sweet but I just wanted to talk. I don‟t want to get physical/sexual yet, you‟re so silly.” etc. You should realize that the initial resistance is not about you but because of bullshit societal constructs, causing her to react the way she does. So push through that.
Persistence metaphor; You basically have 3 tiers of clubs: 1. Everyone gets in. 2. They try to be exclusive in their style. 3. They‟re super exclusive and even celebs have trouble getting in. The bouncer of the second kind will ask you things like “are you on the guestlist” or something. Most guys will say “Ah, no…” and they‟ll walk away, feeling they‟re unworthy of the club. If you look the bouncer in the eye and just say “no, just me” like you deserve to be in there anyway, you‟ll usually get in. They don‟t actually have a guestlist but the best way to keep the wrong guys out of the club is by faking there‟s a guestlist. Same thing with a hot girl. It‟s basically a screening procedure to be not so positive on the first open. The guys without persistence, which she doesn‟t want, will walk off. The guys who try again, because they go for what the want and believe in themselves, are the ones she‟s left with. Example: “Hey” *rejection* “Wait, yeah I know I seem unattainable but I‟m actually really sweet, hi I‟m… You‟re very cute”. Of course, there are limits to that, if you keep trying 6 times while she‟s saying “I‟m going to call the bouncer, I‟ll kill you” etc. that might be a bit much and a next set is a better idea. But to go that second time is very important to show enough entitlement. Kind of a “I know what you‟re doing and I understand but no, I‟m me, nice to meet you.” attitude. How you know how direct you can be: When looking at a set, wonder how much compliance you can get from them (less compliance needed is better/easier). Compliance being: Them changing what they‟re doing to suit your purpose. Extremes: Least compliance needed would be a girl sitting at a table with nobody around, especially with a laptop and such on the table. In this case, it would be extremely hard for her to leave the situation, even if you‟d be obnoxious and such. You can get away with a lot in this case. Most compliance needed: Girl in a chain of people with guys and girls in a nightclub getting physically dragged through by bouncers/hosts. In this situation you going direct and her complying would seem very slutty for her. Girls are more compliant when: - Committed to a situation. - Bored/unoccupied. - Happy. Girls are less compliant when: - With guys. - In a group with which she‟s engaged. - With a medium-sized group (with 2-4 girls) (With a large group, 10+ people, she‟s not missed so that‟s not such a big problem) In a group of 2, 3 or 4, in which she seems pretty engaged, you probably need to open the whole group. It‟s a low-compliance situation, so there‟s likely to be resistance if you pull her away. You avoid such resistance by talking to the whole group. In a case where the group is bigger and she doesn‟t seem very engaged, it‟s probably easier to get compliance without opening the group. It also gives you the opportunity to go more direct. But always be aware of what the group is doing. If there‟s any resistance
from the group, you go them before they go to you, to prevent that resistance. When a girl likes you and she‟s fine with you taking her away, the group might resist (even more so if she really likes you). When you notice she‟s „on‟, don‟t think “How do I get her more on” because she‟s on enough. You should be thinking “How do I not get into trouble with the group for what I‟m about to do”. Another situation is when the group already gives you certain indicators (like looking at you in a certain way), then you might get more compliance already so you can go direct. But as soon as you‟ve done that, engage with the group quickly to disarm whatever might happen. Logistically, you don‟t have to get into the group and be with your back towards them to face her. You can also turn her around and get her out of the group to face you, so you‟re both outside the group. It‟s better not to grab or pull, but subtly tap her shoulder/arm and nudge (requires less compliance) and let your body language indicate what the idea is, so she turns to you. If it‟s one guy and one girl, who are kind of into each other, compliance will be very low when opening. To get your foot in the door in that case, use a „distraction opener‟. Find something in the environment that you use as a distraction and an excuse to bump into the set. It has to look like it‟s not an opener at all, rather like coincidence. After that, you physically come in between the guy and the girl and open the girl a second time „normally‟. Don‟t aim to open a 100% of the girls you approach. They won‟t all be receptive, which is a good thing. That way, you screen out a lot of girls you don‟t want to be talking to anyway. Instead, you are left with the 70% or 50% of girls you‟ll have a bigger chance of chemistry with, and you‟ll have screened out girls that not receptive so you‟ll usually spend less time in the sets you do open (which is a good thing, as mentioned before). That‟s also why game that may look „high-percentage‟ might not be that way when it comes to actually getting laid. If you want to get laid on a particular night, you should open very directly on your approaches. Not so direct that you‟ll get rejected by every girl, but at least like twice as direct as you‟d normally would. Then you‟ll know very quickly if a girl is „on‟ or „off‟. If it‟s „on‟, try to make it work, but if not you just move on to the next set to try again. One “Vegas Immersion” student has this direct style all the time and has great success with it. Good strategy will often trump good technique. Strategy is essential. 3 openers (examples of varying compliance): - Just walk over and having normal conversation. Low compliance. “Hey how are you… Nice smile… Oh I can see you‟re trouble.” Decent eye-contact, decent vibe, not very loud. Instantly showed some intent, got into her head a bit. However, it will still take a lot of work this way. - The Claw. High compliance. You physically grab the girl and pull her over, telling her she‟s “fucking hot” or whatever (very direct). Risky and potentially slutty for the girl. What you shouldn‟t do: Not being dominant, but unsure of yourself like “please, please come here, please”. It conveys you‟re doing something wrong (like being quiet) and, like a self-fulfilling prophecy, makes her feel uncomfortable about it. If you‟re doing it because you want to, you think it‟s fun, you feel like you‟re „the man‟, it‟s way less awkward. The other way of doing it wrong is being too rough, pulling the girl in harshly (nearly leaving marks on the arm, so to say). It‟s hostile and scary. What you want to do is be firm, but soft. She
can go and there‟s enough freedom for that… But at the same time you‟re pretty committed and insistent on not letting her go (up to a certain limit) when she tries. So assertive and soft at the same time. (It‟s a metaphor for game: You should be assertive and leading but also delicate and soft, never forcing. It should always feel like it‟s just happening, not her responsibility.) - Hand of God. Medium compliance. You stick out your hand, clearly suggesting to her that she should grab it. But she has the choice. On one level, it requires less compliance because it‟s less forceful and less slutty, but on another it requires more because you‟re getting positive feedback from her. Like in closing, you want her to be participating. The difference with the Claw is that it arouses her because it‟s dominant but it doesn‟t require any participation from her. Another difference with the Claw is how it looks to the/her social group. The Claw might be aggressive and forceful to them, possibly causing them to act up against you. With the Hand of God, she‟s participating so the group can‟t object so much against that. (This is more important with a group of guys than with a group of girls.) An example of the extreme non-compliance opener is going indirect, for example the opinion opener. Something with which it is almost impossible to create resistance. Added to that, you could for example do a „false time constraint‟, meaning you say you‟ll have to go pretty quickly anyway. But once you got the attention and some compliance you can shift to more direct statements of intent and such, saying she‟s actually quite cute etc. So while you‟re in a conversation it is actually a better situation to go more direct in. Don‟t cross your fingers and talk about the weather, hoping it‟ll end up well. When a conversation is going nowhere, break that line of talk off and go direct (again). Tell her she‟s cute, or that there‟s both something very attractive and off-putting about her, or something else like that. Good conversation isn‟t linear and usually not so much about the specific subjects. That also means you can break off what you both were talking about and skip to a different subject. This goes for what she‟s talking about but definitely also for what you‟re talking about yourself. Say her attention is drifting in the middle of the story, just break yourself off and talk about something else. Don‟t allow for an interaction that isn‟t going in the right way. 2 types of compliance: - Her just not saying “no” or just giving a weak “no”. - Her actually participating. This is the better one (though they‟re both great to have). Key game component: Anything you do to avoid awkwardness, will make it awkward. Todd gives the example of a book by a radio host on starting conversations with people and making it interesting. On such a show, people who are normally pretty articulate may get nervous, clam up, don‟t what to say etc. and it‟s the radio hosts job to make something out of it for half an hour on the air. Key idea in the book: Assume the burden of the conversation. Assume that, at least at the start, it‟s on your shoulders to make something happen and put something out there, since the other person probably won‟t. Even if they‟re capable of it anyway, you can‟t trust on that. You have to start the engine, and when it‟s going you can possibly let it run. Metaphor: Old lawnmower. If it has trouble starting up, you don‟t take it personally. Sometimes you‟ve got to try a couple of times before it works, it‟s just being a lawnmower. Same thing with a girl, sometimes you have to start the conversation a couple of times before it really kicks in.
When being persistent, don‟t keep trying the same thing when something gets rejected. Vary your approach while persisting. Examples of different things you can vary with when the response is no good: “Hey I think you‟re cute” “You know what‟s funny” “I have to go in a sec but I need your opinion on something” “You know what happened to me the other day” “I fucking hate you” “That‟s the cutest look I‟ve ever seen” “Do you know what‟s interesting about you” But don‟t: “I think you‟re cute”, “I think you look nice”, “I think you‟re adorable” etc. All the same. You need to figure out the blueprint of this particular girl. Once you figure that out (what triggers her), you can use that over and over and over again and you‟re inside her head. Don‟t overuse it though, it‟s rather something you can use to gain her attention again during a conversation or stuff like that. You don‟t want to make it obvious that you‟re pushing her button. Ideally, you have 2 or 3 of these things which you can then use more often. Screening Blueprint Find her blueprint and act on that blueprint. See what she responds to and use that to have a good interaction. Example: A girl said “No, I‟m actually average height for an American woman”. What you can tell from that sentence: - She‟s somewhat educated. “For an American woman” means she knows such facts. - She‟s probably from an educated background. - You can guess she probably knows or studies some level of math, statistics, etc. - She derives value from fitting in and other people‟s perception of her. - When she‟s with a group she‟s pretty high value, that‟s why she identifies with the group. So she‟s someone who likes to fit in, is pretty educated, probably did well in school, probably is relatively smart, probably went to a good school, but probably isn‟t like a genius, but works very hard, and probably derives a lot of her validation from being perceived as smart. With such knowledge, you can undermine and help and have a good interaction. Todd‟s response: “If you‟re average in any way we‟re probably not going to get along, I only deal with exceptional people.” With that, he „undid‟ her worldview in one sentence and he could control the interaction. That‟s a complicated example but you can also read her from easier reactions, such as her reaction to “I love you” or “I hate you”. Another example is a girl who responded very well to physicality, so it was possible to mostly interact physically, escalate quickly and have sex within 11 minutes, in the club. To screen for a blueprint, think of blueprints that are common and ask questions or do little tests that are indicative of such blueprints. Example: The girl who wants rules and structure. You can simply ask her if she‟s the type of person that likes rules and structure, and likes to know where you‟re going in life, or if she‟s the type of person that‟s
rather free and prefers figuring it out along the way. Blueprint is not a static thing, it‟s fluid. For example, someone‟s blueprint with a celebrity is different from their blueprint with someone they know through school and who they‟re friends first with (and with whom they may consider a relationship down the road). The blueprint depends on the context, in which someone‟s basically playing a different role. So when you screen for a blueprint, you‟re also directing the blueprint (if you‟re smart about it). When you‟re screening for availability, logistics etc. you‟re also indicating to her what the right things are to say and do. You‟re actually moving her availability in a certain direction. Example: Screen for pulling by asking “How protective are your friends”. That might be a bit too obvious, so a version with a more positive suggestivity to it might be: “Your friends, are they extremely uptight, do they call the police if you walk 5 feet away from them, or are they cool people who know how to chill and who realize that you‟re an adult?” The second option sounds a lot better this way. It might still be that she says her friends are very protective so you‟ve figured that out, but you‟re encouraging the proper answer and behavior. A girl‟s blueprint will especially change when she‟s attached to you or wants to please you. Her answers and outlook will change based on what she thinks you want. So you want to screen, but you also want to influence the blueprint at the same time Another form of screening and influencing blueprint is by qualification. That means letting her jump through your hoops, finding out if and why you like her (she has to prove herself), etc. Tip: Think of around 5 non-physical things you like in girls in general. When you have a hook and some investment, start finding out if she‟s those things to qualify her. That‟s going to both screen for and encourage her to be those things. (Explained more in the Emotional Connection part.) If you want to actively screen for blueprint (opposed to just seeing what characteristics pop up), you‟ll have to figure out what blueprints there are. So focus on blueprints you like, blueprints you want to encourage, and then proactively screen for those. Just like in a science experiment in which you start with a hypothesis, something to test, after which you do the experiment to test it. You don‟t just randomly look at nature. You can get ideas from that, but it‟s not precise. Hook Ideally, sets hook without you having to think about it. When a girl starts chasing and committing without you thinking about it, that‟s perfect. That can happen when you‟re in state and self-amused. However, this is hard to control. The hook happens in phases. What is needed for a hook is explained in the F.R.E.D. model. 1. Focus: You need to have her focus in order to hook. If you don‟t have her attention, you won‟t be able to hook her. 2. Relevance: The interaction needs to be relevant for her. You won‟t hook her in a conversation that means nothing to her. If you‟re talking in terms of nebulous, vague topics, you won‟t be able to hook her. You must say things that make it meaningful to her. 3. Emotion: It shouldn‟t just be theoretically meaningful to her, there must be emotional involvement and impact. She has to have a certain commitment to you, and there have to be some chemicals running through her body.
4. Decision: An action has to be attached to the emotion. Focus: When you open, you need to get her attention on you. If you‟ve lost her attention, rather than trying other things to hook, you should first get her attention back. That‟s fundamental to everything you do in game; You must have her attention. Example: Set with another guy, where she likes the other guy way more (at least at the beginning) but Todd gets her attention and thereby has the upper hand. Always make sure you have the attention. Don‟t tolerate her being all over the place and not having attention for you. However, don‟t be obsessive about it either. For example, if you‟re talking at a bar and she wants to talk to her friend for a bit while ordering a drink, you can let her talk to the friend while ordering the drink and trust that she‟ll come back to you in a minute. You don‟t have to have her focus every single second, but you do need to know: Where her focus is, how you‟re going to get it back and when you‟re going to get it back. If you don‟t have her focus at a certain moment, you‟re not gaming her at that moment. Relevance: You give a reaction to things that you either perceive as being of value or a threat to you. You will pay attention to these things. Both these things have meaning to us and evoke emotions. Example: In caveman days something like food had value to us, so we focused on that. A predator was a threat, so that also got our focus. They both had meaning to us, they‟re relevant to us. So you want to become either value or threat. Information about us is of relevance to us because it‟s by its nature a threat or valuable to us. If we can understand how the world perceives us, we can utilize that information to either have more success or avoid failure. A great example of how to be of value others: Have an insight about them. “You know what I notice about you that‟s so interesting?” instantly makes you have value because they wants to know, even if they don‟t like you/don‟t know you yet, the fact that it‟s about them causes there to be value there. Value can also be there for people because you are an expert or at least know something interesting on a subject and they have an interest in that subject, “Becoming the teacher”-role: I can teach you something about or how to do X. That can also be of value, but since you don‟t know the person you‟re dealing with well, you might not be able to assess yet what is of value to them other than themselves. How to be a threat: “Dog!”, “Slut!”, “I hate you!” etc. You‟re a threat to their ego, their self-esteem, their social perception. That also makes them more invested in the interaction. Once you get their attention, do something that‟s either of value or a threat. What Todd often says immediately after he gets the attention is a push-pull statement about them, like “I like you but I hate you”, “You know what, you‟re so cute and I hate that I feel that way about you”, I hate that I love you”, “There‟s something about you that I like but there‟s something that I‟m not sure about”, “You make me feel so good with you, but that makes me nervous”, “Your vibe is very interesting” (since “interesting”
can be both positive or negative and it‟s unclear unclear which one it is, that makes it of value or a threat), “You know what, you‟re so amazing, so cute, that I know that at some point I won‟t know what to say to you. That‟s going to be so fucking awkward so let‟s just end it now”. Even when it‟s all pure positive, the wording is still like a push-pull so it still evokes those emotions. You say whatever you want to say and whatever‟s in your head but you package it in this way. You can say pretty much anything extremely positive, negative or in between. Example: “You‟re fucking hot” vs. “You‟re pretty cute” vs. “You‟re kind of cute...ish” vs. “Oh, you‟re actually kind of cute” (girl wonders: Wait, “actually”, what does that mean?). You can also do this with negatives to positives, like saying “You‟re so much trouble/You‟re phenomenally evil!” with a sly smile.
(Sentences like “You know what…” are also good to quickly get attention before you mention the actual
threat/value statement.) This relevance also adds a context and premise for the interaction. Emotion: For relevance, you may give something interesting and relevant about life. But once you finish that topic, your relevance ends because it‟s tied to the topic and not to you. You need to make it emotionally (rather than cognitively) relevant and tie it to yourself. Example: “You have an interesting look” is relevant, “You have an interesting look, I kind of love and I kind of hate it” is tying it to you. Or like “You have an interesting look, I bet that has lead to you being perceived in this and that way”, tying it to emotions in other parts of their life or an emotional experience for them, rather than just a factual conversation. You should trigger an emotional experience and it should be a part of being with you. Emotions are chemicals and hormones flowing through the body. They motivate us to do things we wouldn‟t be able to do without them. They are the reason we do things, they create priority and drive in life. You‟re not going to get a girl into you without compelling her emotionally. However, the chemicals that make these emotions will eventually subside and she won‟t feel that way anymore. Eventually you won‟t be stimulating her, the chemicals will flush out of her system, and she won‟t feel that way anymore. So when you don‟t do something with those emotions, when you don‟t turn them into something tangible outside the body, she will forget about you and flake when the emotions subside. Or she‟ll be having some fun with you, kissing etc. and then leave because she‟s not attached to you. That‟s where the next step comes in. Decision: Get compliance when the great emotions are there, when they‟re feeling all emotional, bubbly and great. Once you‟re at that point, you say something like “You don‟t have to talk to me, you can go” upon she‟ll respond with something such as “No I‟m good here, I want to stay” because at that emotional high point she really doesn‟t want to go. That‟s the commitment. She turned the emotions in her body into something real and tangible in the world. You created a situation in which she can show she wants to be with you. When that commitment happens, you have a solid hook. That‟s the key thing to getting a girl to chase you. In the ideal (rare) situation, she‟ll tell her friends at the end of the night: “Look, I know you‟re going to try and protect me, you‟re probably right, I‟m probably dumb, but I like this guy, I‟m going with him, and I don‟t care. Deal with it.” And then she walks off with you. Another (rarely occurring) ideal that happened to Todd, is a girl staying in a country to be with him while her friends are leaving, that‟s compliance. Another form of compliance is passive compliance or „non-non-compliance‟. They should object or reject you for something you do, but they don‟t. Imagine saying to a girl “Oh my god you‟re such a fucking slut, I hate you” and she doesn‟t leave, verbally object, get angry, slap you or whatever. She likes you too much and she‟s afraid to do that, that‟s also compliance. Part of that type of compliance is that, in her mind, she has to rationalize why she didn‟t. You need either of these forms of compliance to hook her. At an emotional high point, it‟s an ideal situation to escalate because that will be received positively (compliance). (Note: It‟s not actually a point in time, it‟s a period of time.) This way you can escalate without risking a lot of social capital. However, you can also use this to very well to push away, so she can invest by trying to make it „right‟ again between the two of you, by showing effort to keep you there, or at least by showing passive compliance like not leaving. In every hook, these phases happen. Even if you hook pretty much instantly, they happen lightning fast. Example: “Hey, you, come here”, you look her in the eyes and you grab her with a „hand of god‟ and pull her in. “Hey” = Attention. “You” = Relevance (value/threat). “Come here” while looking in her eyes and
conveying your intensity = Emotion. Her grabbing your hand and you pulling her in = Decision (compliance). Other times for example, you may try this but she only somewhat reacts to “Hey”. In that case, you‟ll have to go through the F.R.E.D. process some more. Either way, that same process is in existence in all sets. Compared to using self-amusement to hook: Self-amusement is a „cross your fingers‟ way of hooking, it‟s indirect. But it‟s effective, because it conveys value which ties into the point of Relevance. Also, people often react Emotionally to high value. After that, you hope the rest happens organically while spending time with the girl. However, if you self-amuse and you understand those phases at the same time, you can make the full F.R.E.D. cycle happen much more consistently and quickly. On the opposite side, being needy instead of self-amused conveys a threat and hardly to no value, which does not evoke the right kind of emotion. In a case where you find yourself chasing after a girl, to flip the script you should first realize at which point of F.R.E.D. you are. If you are constantly chasing for Attention, you‟re very far away from achieving what you want. If you‟re at Relevance or Emotion, you should focus on doing things that encourage a Decision a.k.a. compliance. Example: She says you‟re amazing, but you brush it off like “Nah I‟m nothing special, it‟ll wear off” so she can fill that gap by repeating you‟re amazing or staying with you even though you‟re not that amazing. Another example is sometimes telling a girl she‟s free to go, after which staying is a form of compliance. Emotional Connection Emotional connection and physical connection should happen together. Emotional connection motivates physical connection more than the other way around (and it‟s safer in terms of not losing the set). You shouldn‟t be finding out her intimate fantasies and secrets without having ever touched her, but usually you also shouldn‟t be getting very physical and getting hot and heavy without knowing her at all. That is, unless you‟re already in a situation where sex can happen, then you can go very physical. If you require more trust, there needs to be more of an emotional connection along with the physical connection. The first and most important stage by far is Qualification. It‟s basically about letting her know that there‟s a legitimate reason you like her, as opposed to you just approaching her because she‟s the next girl. Another great thing about it is that it builds its own value, because while you‟re finding out about a girl, you‟re putting her through hoops and asking these difficult questions. This shows you‟re a selective guy with options and thus high value, and she knows she has to work to be with you. Next to that it also creates emotional arousal and the Relevance factor of the F.R.E.D. model. In qualifying, you basically switch the buyer-seller dynamic. In that dynamic, one person is selling something to the other person (in dating; themselves) and the other person is deciding. Doing both is very hard, so you want to be on the buying side with the girl on the selling side. Of course this is ironic, because you walked up and started the interaction. That feels and seems like you‟re starting by selling yourself. However, that doesn‟t have to be like that. Analogy: You go to a store to buy a TV. You don‟t have to start selling yourself to the TV, just because you walked up to it. It‟s not like you have to explain that you‟d take good care of the TV, keep it clean, give it a nice place in the living room, etc. You‟re interested in the TV because it seems nice, but you can still be selective. You
need to know more before actually buying it, and there are a lot of other nice TV‟s out there, so you let the salesperson try to convince you to buy the TV. Similarly with a girl you walk up to. You tell her you like her, after which you ask who she is, what her ´features´ are (e.g. is she smart, can she be sexy, is she exciting or boring…).
In a conversation you can achieve this by intelligently dismissing questions about you, and turning it in a conversation where she qualifies. Examples from infield: - Make a joke of it: She asks where your friends are, you say “I don‟t have any friends, I‟m shy.” - Hardly giving information: She asks “Who are you?”, you say “Just a guy.” - Probably more, be creative. Preferred attitude: The prince has chosen. You‟re the prince, you‟ve chosen her, a common girl, for an audience in your court. If she fucks it up, she‟s out of the court. You‟re providing a thousand times more value in the interaction than her (not because of effort but because you‟re the prince), it‟s not even a contest. If you had a cheque for $10.000,- in your backpocket, you wouldn‟t feel nervous about asking a few questions before giving it to her. You know you‟re offering value. As man, you‟re providing great experiences, learning opportunities, influence, inspiration, sex, belonging, safety, boundaries, possibly material resources, and more. Realize how much that‟s worth, way more than that $10.000,- cheque. You shouldn‟t feel nervous about talking to the girl, you shouldn‟t feel the need to qualify for her. You should feel like you‟re trying to find a girl who‟s worthy of that, because you have plenty of options. Realize that qualification in itself is another form of escalation and social capital. Every time you demand something from the girl and she says yes to it or goes along with it, you build social capital, you‟re getting closer to her. And obviously you‟re also getting to know her. Most things other than qualification either build value while damaging comfort or the other way around. Examples: Being a badass, asshole, non-needy, very assertive, etc. build value but can damage comfort (she trusts you less) because it seems like you have too many other options. Getting to know a girl, telling her your innermost secrets, confessing vulnerability, etc. builds comfort but can damage the value you have to her. Qualification demands things from her, but at the same you get to know her, so you build both value and comfort. How to qualify in practice: First, figure out what you want to qualify on. For example, finding those 5 non-physical traits you look for in a girl. Also, you could qualify for things she should „have‟ that lead to the relationship you want. Think of things such as logistics, beliefs, attitudes and things like adventurousness for „same night‟ (one night stand) qualifiers. For the long term, you could think of qualifiers like education, financial independence, freedom and flexibility in her life, is she sexually open, does she like to learn new things. (These are based on Todd‟s preferences, yours could be completely different.) The idea is that you have a picture in your head of the perfect girl you‟re looking for in general, as well as the perfect scenario, attitudes and structure to the story for a one-night-stand or a dating scenario. Depending on your optimal scenario for those particular logistics and that particular girl, you can qualify for that. When you‟re qualifying for the one-night-stand but you figure out that it won‟t work out tonight for valid, plausible reasons, it‟s a situation for a phone number and follow up in that way. Then you can qualify for things like how you can meet up on the date, what kind of person she is and whether you‟d enjoy spending time with her. You qualify towards the end that you have in mind. Such an end could be sex,
date, relationship, threesome, etc. Again, you‟re screening for it and you‟re also encouraging them to it. So you always present things in such a way that what you want is the good option and what you don‟t want is the bad option. (Be sure to be sufficiently subtle about this.) You‟ll find that when you get better at game, girls will feel overwhelmed by you, you‟re „overqualified‟. You‟ll hear things from her like “You‟re such a player, you could get so many other girls, why are you with me”. She doesn‟t feel qualified (i.e. not entitled to you). In that situation she‟ll be less likely to sleep with you because she feels it‟s not special and she‟ll just be another notch on your belt, which detracts from the experience for her and she could feel slutty. However, when you find a few things about her that are special to you, even (or rather especially) when she still doesn‟t feel like she deserves you, that makes a great experience for her. Example: One girl basically convinced herself Todd was the most connected guy in Vegas and that they were in very luxurious hotel, just so it would fit the narrative of him having high value, to add to the experience for herself. He didn‟t do anything other than qualifying her, not qualifying himself and not wanting to talk about work even though she was giving him compliments about it. The experience a girl wants is that of the guy she doesn‟t feel she deserves but for some reason there‟s something special in the interaction (chemistry, commonality) that makes it beautiful because she‟s not just the next girl, it‟s special. The only other known communication method that builds both comfort and value at the same time is storytelling. You‟re leading the frame, you‟re dictating the interaction, you control what‟s going on. At the same time, you give the girl a window into your life, she gets to know you. Example: Is she fit? Feel her arm “Oh you‟re strong, do you work out?” Depending on where it‟s at, you can give positive or negative feedback, or graded feedback. So if a girl feels massively beneath you, you can massively compliment her “Oh you do that, that‟s amazing, I love that!”. However, if she‟s seriously hot and is used to dating all kinds of high value people, heavily complimenting her doesn‟t mean anything to her. Then, you could say something like “Oh ok, so you do yoga. Do you teach it or do you just go to classes?” or “Do you do these crazy training camps in the mountains or just that local place here around the corner?” or “Oh like that intense hot yoga? Not, oh… well that‟s still pretty cool though, I guess” (Basically saying that even though she does yoga, there‟s still a higher level in that and doing
yoga isn‟t that special. Trying to uplift a very confident hot girl by giving her compliments is just try-hard and doesn‟t add anything, instead of that you now keep her feat solidly on the ground. And if she does do something really special, you have her qualifying so much to you that an “Oh, you do that? That‟s actually pretty cool” actually really means something to her.) You can do something similar with disqualifiying where she‟s from and such, like: “Where are you from? … Oh there? Oh… Ok, well anyway *different subject*.” After that, she wonders what‟s wrong with where she‟s from and such. Or, when she needs a bit of positive feedback to have a good interaction you could say “Oh really, oh I love that city, I went there and…”. It doesn‟t have to be in words, a lot of it can be done nonverbally like the look of “oh that‟s amazing” or “oh, well that‟s ok too I guess…” without even saying it. By controlling how positive or negative your feedback is, you control the level of qualification. With a girl
that needs more value than comfort, you‟ll be more harsh in your qualfication and with less positive feedback. But if a girl already is basically in love with you and feels undeserving of you, you won‟t be so harsh in qualifying her and you give a lot of positive feedback so she feels at the same level as you. Reverse qualification: When they ask you questions, you can either be impressive if you need value, or you can ground it into their reality if you need more comfort. Example Todd: Has a lifestyle in which he travels a lot, meets a lot of people and does generally cool things in life, which all sounds great to a girl. If a girl needs value, he tells her that. But if he‟d tell that to an insecure girl, she‟d feel like he‟s way above her. In that scenario, he tells her about how he was actually really shy in college and insecure about his career, and how he actually took a stupid risk and got really lucky. That makes it more grounded, more relatable. To girls with high standards, for whom whatever you do won‟t be that impressive, you can also not even try to be impressive by saying things like: “Yeah I don‟t like talking about work, people always seem to define me based on that, I want you to like me for me. After that, we can talk about all that shit, but I don‟t want our attraction and relationship to be built on superficial things, let‟s just keep it about us for now.” (With that statement you‟re also basically saying that who you are and who she is (so what your
personalities are like) is what‟s important, basically negating the importance of her achievements, status or looks.) The key thing that builds comfort is time. You can‟t properly define comfort, or feeling at ease, in a positive, only in a negative. Comfort is lack of discomfort. It‟s like having sore muscles after going to the gym, you feel that but you don‟t know what a non-sore muscle feels like. So comfort is also something that should grow over time, in the sense that discomfort is fading away. That‟s how trust grows, it grows over a time period in which there‟s no reason not to trust someone. That‟s why it often takes time before you can sleep with a girl. You need to let things play out. If you try to let things happen too fast, it‟s going to take away your opportunity to build comfort and the effort you put into it is going to create massive discomfort. That effort conveys you‟re the type of guy that hasn‟t been there before, for whom this is a big deal, it‟s a heavily invested thing. In being patient however, don‟t be passive. Don‟t just piss away time. Escalate, be engaged in the interaction. Being disengaged conveys you don‟t have chemistry, which builds discomfort. Also, when things calm down after the initial phase, the emotions subside and that needs to be replaced with something. Think of a graph, where the vertical axis is arousal and the horizontal axis is time. At the beginning of a set you‟re putting a lot of energy into the set to keep things going and going in the right way. After a while however, the energy goes down and it‟s more of a calm, comfortable and aroused vibe. That‟s the vibe in which sex happens. However, while the energy goes down, the set gets less interesting and fun so there‟s a risk of losing the girl. So you need to replace the energy that has subsided with something else, which is physicality. So while the energy goes down, the amount of physicality should go up to keep it constant. While you start energetic and low on physicality, it should become more low energy and very physical (sensual, close to sex). After that, the transition to sex is natural. This is especially true when they‟re complying and going with you along the entire way, chasing you and participating. There are two types of connection you can build: - Wide rapport: The idea that you can talk about anything with someone. - Deep rapport: There are a few topics about which you can have real deep conversations (as opposed to
superficial gossip). Ideally you want both. If you‟re constantly talking about one topic deeply, when a girl comes out of that conversation she‟ll feel like she can only talk about that one thing with you. She‟s not really feeling deeply connected with you because that one subject was all you connected on. On the other hand, if you talk about a bunch of things superficially, she‟ll think you‟re fun for conversation but there‟s no depth to your conversation and connection. She hasn‟t really gone into something so there‟s no real emotion being aroused there. She‟ll be fine with seeing you again, but she won‟t be deeply motivated. So one is motivating but not very comfortable, the other is comfortable but not very motivating. You want that deep rapport and that motivation. Having both wide and deep rapport is going to improve upon the experience of comfort. As said, comfort is mainly a factor of time. Some sets take an hour or less, some take 7 hours. Part of the reason is the girl‟s blueprint, some girls simply need more time for comfort. However, the main reason is what the nature of the time spent is. There are things you can do to make that time appear to go by faster (as if more time has gone by than there actually has). - One way is having both deep and wide rapport, which causes the time spent together to mean more so it dilates that time. - Another one is making use of multiple locations. Spending time with her in several places instead of one place makes it seem as if you‟ve been through more together, building comfort with her more rapidly. Either way, the idea is to make it feel as if you‟ve been together for a longer period of time, you‟ve talked about more things, introduced her to more of your friends, etc. Those things all tend to build comfort faster. Having more similarities in common with her also increases comfort. It‟s because having a commonality makes you feel like you know certain things about that person. For example: Todd was a soccer player and knew a lot of other soccer players. If he meets a girl that played soccer, it feels like he knows things about her because he has experience with soccer players. It feels like he knows this by association. It kind of feels like he‟s spent time with her because he associates with that group. Association with a group, activity or other commonality makes comfort grow faster. Topics that create connection: Passions, sexual experiences, intimate experiences, family and travel can be good depending on the context. However, be sure to talk about such topics after the girl‟s committed (Decision from F.R.E.D.). Also, don‟t go too deep. As you‟re having such deep conversations, still make fun of her now and then to keep it interesting. You don‟t turn down the value completely and go comfort only. For a girl to come home with you, the perfect phrase is basically: “We‟re going somewhere lovely, that you will love. And if you don‟t, well then you can always leave. It doesn‟t really matter either way because I‟m having a good time, and that‟s all that really matters right.” - “We‟re going somewhere lovely, that you will love”: We‟re going somewhere positive. - “And if you don‟t, well then you can always leave”: Meaning that it‟s not a big commitment, not a hassle, you can always get out of it. You don‟t sell how amazing it is, you sell that it‟s not a big commitment. Analogy: A lot of people will see a product that seems amazing, but they won‟t buy it because it seems too amazing to be believable. But they will buy something when there‟s a money-back guarantee. You don‟t have to sell yourself, because at that point that upside is already there, they already like you. What you have to sell is the lack of downsides, that it‟s not a big risk.
- “It doesn‟t really matter either way because I‟m having a good time, and that‟s all that really matters right.”: I‟m not in this to get laid, though if it happens that‟s great. Nor am I in this to get something from you or to use you. I‟m having a good time right now. It‟s all about the experience. It should be about the experience for you because it‟s about the experience for her. That makes it safe and relatable. Physical connection This is absolutely essential. “You‟re going to have touch her and pull your dick out at some point” as they say in RSD. You should constantly be pinging and moving forward with physical escalation. However, it shouldn‟t be needy, obvious and aggressive. That‟s where “2 steps forward, 1 step back” comes into play again. Push to the point of a little bit of discomfort, and then chill it out, back off for a bit, after which you try again. Also, remember the part about making a move in a way that it doesn‟t force a „hard no‟. If she doesn‟t accept it, it should not be a big negative. So constantly, relentlessly push forward, but not in a way that it can hurt the interaction. So those are the phases of a successful pick-up: Open, Hook, Emotional Connection, Physical Connection, Close. Remember, the Close is the objective. So everything you do in all the other phases should be geared towards the close, not geared towards getting through that phase or getting to the next phase. For example, if you do things to hook a girl that are going to make her distrust you to a degree that you won‟t be able to build comfort later, you‟ll make it very hard for yourself to get to the close. Managing to get an emotional connection so that a girl feels close to you, while destroying your value in the process, you won‟t get her to chase you and participating. Later in the interaction you‟ll be pushing and she‟ll be resisting (Girl: “I don‟t see you in that way”) . You can do all these things that may get you ahead and towards the close, but they‟ll actually hurt the close itself. Try to avoid that while moving forward. Always keep the Close in mind. All the other steps along the way are nice, and it can be great to get through them while learning. But in the end it‟s not about finishing the checklist, you‟ll want to go for a successful close.
