Personal Excellence

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Peter Block Author and Speaker 

September 2011 

Your Dream? Inner Excellence Create Your Future Six Key Conversations “  Personal Excellence is the only reading you’ll need to do for continual self-improvement both personally and professionally!” —Sharlene Hawkes, Former Miss America, award-winning ESPN broadcaster

“This book is the real-world solution to achieving success by hiring and retaining the best.”  Lester S. Rosen, Attorney at Law, co-chair of NAPBS  (National Association of Professional Background B ackground Screeners)

WARNING This book will avoid you a lot of headaches, financial & emotional losses or painful legal trouble. It may even save your business. “This is not a book but a bible on hiring and retaining excellent staff.” – Joy Gendusa, CEO PostcardMania (Inc. 500).

“There is a PHD in hiring between the covers of this brilliant piece of work.” – Marsha Friedman, CEO EMSI Public Relations, author of ‘Celebritize Yourself’

“It would be a grave error for any CEO to miss having this book as a ready refer reference ence for making smart decisions.” – Don Pearson, Executive VP, Government Technology Media (a division of eRepublic, Inc.)

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I N S P I R A T I O N A L • DREAM

Part of Your

Your Dream?  It will probably change.

Plan and  Performance System

 by Conan O’Brien

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RADUATES , TODAY , YOU HAVE ACHIEVED

something special, something only 92 percent of Americans your age will ever know—a college diploma. With your diploma, you now have a crushing advantage over 8 percent of the workforce—dropout losers like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark  Zuckerberg. My first job as your speaker is to illustrate that life is not fair . For example, you have worked tirelessly for four years to earn your diploma. Dartmouth is giving me an honorary degree for speaking. Deal with it. Another example: if it rains, the powerful rich people on stage get the tent. Deal with it. Today, I won’t waste your time with empty clichés, like reach for the stars . Instead, I’ll give you real, practical advice that you will need to know: First, adult acne lasts longer than you think—I almost cancelled two days ago because I had a zit on my eye. Guys, you can’t iron a shirt while wearing it. If you live on Ramen Noodles for too long, you lose all feelings in your hands and your stool  becomes a white gel. And, wearing colorful Converse high-tops beneath your graduation robe is a great way to tell your classmates that this is just the first of many horrible decisions you plan to make.  And parents, I have real advice for you as well: Many of your children you haven’t seen

in four years—now you’ll see them every day when they come out of the basement to tell you the wi-fi isn’t working. If your child majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have

good reason to be worried—the only place where they are now qualified to get a job is ancient Greece. You’ll spend more money framing your child’s diploma than they will earn in the next six months. It’s a tough job market, so be patient—in fact, the only people hiring right now are Panera Bread and Mexican drug cartels. One reason it’s so tough finding work is that  aging baby boomers refuse to leave their jobs.

Trust me on this. Even when they promise you for five years that they’re going to leave— and say it on television—there is no guarantee they won’t come back. But this is not a time for grim prognostications or negativity. No, I actually do have something real to tell you. Eleven years ago I addressed a graduating class at Harvard. I have not spoken at a graduation since because I thought I had nothing left to say. But now I’m here, 3,000 miles from my home, because I learned a hard  but profound lesson last year, and I’d like to share it with you. In 2000, I told graduates, “Don’t be afraid to fail.” Well now I’m here to tell you that, though you should not fear failure, you should do your very best to avoid it . Nietzsche famously said, “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” But what he failed to stress is that it almost kills you . Disappointment stings and, for driven, successful people like you, it is disorienting. What Nietzsche should have said is this: “Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you watch a lot of  Cartoon Network and drink mid-price Chardonnay at 11 in the morning.”

INSIDE

RICHARD DAFT

 JAMES MAPES

TIMOTHYHARTWELL

Inner Excellence ...............................3

Think Before You Act .......................8

Good Decisions ...............................12

VICKI HALSEY

DAVID MAXFIELD

TODD PATKIN

Keys to Learning...............................4

Change Anything .............................8

Serve with Your Kids......................13

MARY SHUTTLEWORTH

MATTHEW B. JAMES

ANDY ANDREWS

Academic Goals ................................4

Donate Extra Weight .......................9

Remember .......................................14

GREGORY L. JANTZ

BOB DAVIES

ANDY MARSH

Bridle Your Anger ............................5

The 1.2 Percent Factor .......................10

Young Warriors ..............................14

DANIEL GOLEMAN

DENIS WAITLEY

PETER BLOCK

 Motivation.........................................6

Your Health.....................................10

Create Your Future .........................15

KAREN OKULICZ

 JASON W. WOMACK AND LISA PEAKE

 JONATHAN PARKER

 Joy Robbers .......................................6

Sharpen Your Edge .........................11

Soul Solution ..................................16

BILL DWIGHT

 JOE SCOTT

WILLIAM PELSTER

CEO of Your Career .........................7  Money Management.......................12

Giver or Taker?.................................16

Now, by definition, Commencement speakers at an Ivy League college are considered successful. But over a year ago, I experienced a profound and public disappointment. I did not get what I wanted, and I left a system that had nurtured and helped define me for 17 years. I went from  being in the center of the grid to off the grid. It was the making of a career disaster. But then something spectacular happened. Fog-bound, with no compass, and adrift, I started trying things. I grew a strange, cinnamon beard. I dove into social media. I started tweeting my comedy. I threw together a national tour. I played the guitar. I did stand-up, wore a skin-tight blue leather suit, recorded an album, made a documentary, and frightened my friends and family. Ultimately, I abandoned all preconceived perceptions of my career path and stature and took a job on cable with a network most famous for showing reruns, along with sitcoms created by a tall, black  man who dresses like an old, black  woman. I did a lot of silly, unconventional, spontaneous and seemingly irrational things—and guess what: with the exception of the  blue leather suit, it was the most satisfying and fascinating year of  my professional life. To this day I still don’t understand exactly what happened, but I’ve never had more fun, been more challenged, and had more conviction about what I was doing.  How could this be true? Well, it’s simple: There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized. I went to college with many people who prided themselves on knowing exactly who they were and exactly where they were going. At Harvard, five different guys in my class told me that they would one day be President of the United States. Four of them were later killed in motel shoot-outs. The other one briefly hosted Blues Clues, before dying senselessly in yet another motel shoot-out. Your path at 22 will not necessarily be your path at 32 or 42. Your dream will constantly evolve, rise and fall, changing course. This happens in

every job, but because I have worked in comedy for 25 years, I can speak best about my own profession. Way back in the 1940s there was a very funny man named Jack Benny. He was a giant star, easily one of the greatest comedians of his generation. And a much younger man named Johnny Carson wanted very much to be Jack Benny. In some ways he was, but in many ways he wasn’t. He emulated Jack Benny, but his own quirks and mannerisms, along with a changing medium, pulled him in a different direction. And yet his failure to completely become his hero made him the funniest person of his 2

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generation. David Letterman wanted to be Johnny Carson, and was not, and as a result my generation of comedians wanted to be David Letterman. And none of us are. My peers and I have all missed that mark in a thousand different ways. But the point is this: It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It’s not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention. So, at the age of 47, after 25 years of  obsessively pursuing my dream, that dream changed. For decades, in show business, the ultimate goal of every comedian was to host The Tonight Show. It was the Holy Grail, and like many people I thought that achieving that goal would define me as successful. But that is not true. No specific job or career goal defines me, and it should not define you. In 2000—in 2000—I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still  believe that. But today I tell you this: whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come. The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity , and with clarity comes real conviction and true originality.

Many of you here today are getting your diploma at this Ivy League school because you have committed yourself to a dream and worked hard to achieve it. And there is no greater cliché in a commencement address than follow your dream. Well, I’m here to tell you that whatever you think your dream is now, it will probably change. And that’s okay. Four years ago,

many of you had a specific vision of what your college experience was going to be and who you were going to become. And I bet, today, most of you would admit that your time here was very different from what you imagined. Your roommates changed, your major changed, for some of you your sexual orientation changed. I bet some of you have changed your sexual orientation since I  began this speech. I know I have. But through the good and especially the bad, the person you are now is someone you could never have conjured in the fall of 2007. I have told you many things today, most of it foolish but some of it true. I’d like to end my address by breaking a taboo and quoting myself from 17 months ago. At the end of my final program with NBC, just  before signing off, I said: “ Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.” PE Today, I have never believed that more.

Volume 16 Issue 9 Personal Excellence is published monthly by Executive Excellence Publishing, LLC (dba Leadership Excellence), 1806 North 1120 West, Provo, UT 84604.

Editorial Purpose: Our mission is to promote  personal and professional development based on constructive values, sound ethics, and timeless  principles. Basic Annual Rate: US $59 one year (12 issues) US $119 two years (24 issues) Corporate Bulk Rates (same address) US $30 each per year for 5 to 25 US $20 each per year for 26 and up *Ask about logo and custom editions and foreign bulk rates.  Article Reprints: For reprints of 100 or more, please contact the Editorial Department at 1-801-375-4060 or email [email protected]. Back Issues (print): US $25 Permission PDF: US $100 Submissions & Correspondence: Please send any correspondence, articles, letters to the editor, and requests to reprint, republish, or excerpt articles to Editorial Department, Personal Excellence, 1806 North 1120 West, Provo, UT 84604, or email: [email protected] Customer Service/Circulation: For customer service, or information on products and services, call 1-877-250-1983 or email: [email protected] Internet Address: www.LeaderExcel.com Executive Excellence Publishing  Ken Shelton, CEO, Editor-in-Chief  Sean Beck, Circulation Manager  Marketing Offices: Leadership Excellence 1806 North 1120 West Provo, UT 84604 1-877-250-1983 1-801-375-4060 Contributing Editors Bob Davies, Michelle Gall, Judith Glaser, Joan  Marques, Brian Tracy, Denis Waitley Copyright © 2011 Executive Excellence Publishing . No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission from the publisher. Quotations must be credited.

Conan O’Brien is a comedian. This article is adapted from his Commencement address delivered at Dartmouth College, June 11, 2011. Visit Vital Speeches of the Day.  ACTION: Work hard, be kind.

Personal Excellence

TITLE MENTAL• CONSTRAINT

ing the phone calls easily, yielding five additional appointments this week.” 3. Think again. Reacting too quickly without thinking, or overreacting, is the critical constraint for many people. The Eliminate the critical constraint. point of  think again is to wait for your second response , which is typically more really see the difference.” When he thoughtful, appropriate to the problem, by Richard Daft attended a social function with his and displays more wisdom. Michael wife, she commented, “Christophe, Bloomberg once said, “The worst advice OU CAN FOSTER INNER you seem like a different person.” that people can take is to react before they’ve excellence in two ways: 1) discover your natural talAn intentionally repeated instruction had a chance to think . I think we all say to yourself can modify the hard wiring things and wish we hadn’t said them. ent and strengths and then organize your career and life to use and develop of your mental circuitry. Start by repeat- Ready, shoot, aim is not the smartest polithose strengths; and 2) identify the criti- ing the statements aloud on a specific cy.” Speed is not good when it involves morning and evening schedule; over  blind reaction to a colleague, spouse, or cal constraint that’s limiting or holding  back the expression of your strengths. time begin to repeat the statement in child. With a little practice, you can proA critical constraint is an unconscious your mind during daily pauses. Repevide an intelligent response that contitions up to 1,000 times a day (about tains insight and wisdom. habit or reaction pattern that asserts itself  one hour) accelerate the rewiring. Lauren, a sales manager, developed a and topples your better judgment . Every 2. Create a mental picture. system has a weakest link, and correctVisualizreputation for overreacting to bad news. ing that link can have huge payback by ing a new behavior is used by Olympic No one wanted to share bad news with enhancing the whole system. Everyone athletes who find that mental rehearsal her, and some people avoided her. has experienced the collapse of a good adds as much improvement as physical Reflecting on feedback from a perforintention in the rush of an unwelcome practice. Visualizing something means mance review, Lauren decided to always desire, avoidance, habit or emotion. to go through a mental rehearsal of the think again. She put the brake on her first In developing  personal excellence in desired behaviors that will replace the reaction and waited for her second executives, I’ve tested many techniques critical constraint . Spend a few minutes thought before responding. Her second to help people remove their critical con- in a quiet place imagining how you response was always more suitable. really want to give a speech, handle a  Jeffrey Katzenberg, head of Dreamstraint. The techniques are simple, but require conscious focus and intention to Works Animation, had a constraint of  overcome an unconscious pattern. always trying to be right in the meetings When someone finds the right method he led. Pushing his view from the start for them, the result can be astonishing. limited discussion and inhibited new Here are three techniques that have ideas. Borrowing an idea from broadproduced first-rate results: casting, his solution was to install a  five1. Use targeted self-talk. Mentally second delay on his mouth. This allowed talk to yourself in an intentional and other people to express their views first and enabled a more robust and effective structured way. Offering clear, repeated instruction to your unconscious mind dialogue in Katzenberg’s meetings and can overcome critical constraints. For  better judgment in his responses. example, I consulted with Casey, a mili- difficult conversation, or work on a If you are not living your dreams and tary officer, and he developed the verbal challenging project. Visualize at the reaching your potential, you might be instruction, “I am loving people more,” same speed you will perform the task. held back by your critical constraint —a as a way of removing his mental critiThis provides a vivid visual instruction faulty habit or behavior stored in your calness. He repeated the phrase out loud to your mind. It works for any activity unconscious mind that arises automati20 times morning and evening, saying it you can visualize and rehearse mentally. cally. You can correct a critical constraint with force and intention. He noticed Francine, a 36-year-old accountant, with targeted self-talk , creating a mental immediate improvement—he was takdelayed applying to graduate school picture or thinking again. Through coning more time to listen to what people  because of anxiety about test taking. sistent daily practice, you can expect to were saying and what they meant. His She used visualization to mentally rehearse see signs of improvement on a 3-3-3 forimpulse to criticize or to solve their taking the practice exams with zero stress, mula—some traction within three days, problem was greatly diminished. clear focus, and more confidence. It a new mental pattern in three weeks, Christophe was left-brained, articuworked—she aced the course. and an enduring change in behavior late, and well spoken, but he hung back  after three months. You’ll enjoy heightVisualization works in all areas of life. in work and social settings. His hope A salesman reported how visualization ened inner excellence , such as more selfwas to “put myself out there more.” He overcame his introverted personality to discipline, less worry, a calm/deliberate started repeating the statement, “I am sell banking products. He tended to shy approach, more appreciation, or height becoming more outgoing,” for the 15 away from calling on new customers, ened wisdom—in short, a happier and PE minutes driving to and from work. He so developing new business was diffimore fulfilled life. felt almost immediate traction. He made cult. So, every morning for five minRichard Daft is author of  The Executive and the Elephant: comments in every meeting during the utes, he visualized himself picking up Building Inner Excellence (Jossey-Bass), and is the first week. During the second week, he his office phone and calling his list of  Brownlee O. Currey, Jr. Professor of Management at mentioned to a colleague that he was prospects to set up appointments. “My Vanderbilt’s Owen Graduate School of Management. Visit owen.vanderbilt.edu. working on becoming more outgoing. fears tried to take control, but I persistHer reply surprised him: “Yes, I can ed. I became calmer and started mak ACTION: Eliminate your critical constraint.

Inner Excellence  Y

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M E N T A L • L E AR N I N G

ing, the brain releases a chemical, myelin , that wraps neural connections and hardwires the new information into your brain . With repetition , you create strong connections; so information is there as needed. Follow six steps to ENGAGE. Step 3: Generate meaning. Reconnect with your desires. Remind yourself why this new learning is important to you. by Vicki Halsey Then you can move into the motivating Y FRIEND , KIRSTY SPRAG- realm of choice. This work is something gon, recently won a you choose to do—not have to do. prestigious award for her • Look for meaning. Think about the value public speaking—extraordinary, consid- and purpose of what you’re learning. Ask, ering just two years ago Kirsty had What will I be able to do or achieve once I  never given a speech. How did she do it? learn this? or How will my life be different— One day while running, and reflectand better?” This will boost your energy ing on her life, Kirsty realized that she and keep you moving toward your goal. Step 4: Apply learning. Put your knowwasn’t happy in her work. She was a top sales agent—yet she knew something ledge into action. Now it’s time to take was missing. She decided to change action. Ask yourself, “What can I do careers—and become a professional today to apply my new knowledge?” speaker. Wisely, she developed a year-long M E N T A L • ACADEMICS learning plan and dedicated herself to it —observing and interviewing speakers, working with coaches and mentors, writing and delivering speeches. Today, she is a thriving—and award-winning— Don’t give up on them. speaker. The key to her success: learning . Think about something that you realby Mary Shuttleworth ly want to do. Write a book? Host a  blog? Master a sport or hobby? WhatANY BRIGHT , CREATIVE ever it may be, learning is essential. children give up on Here are six steps to ENGAGE: their academic goals, frusStep 1: Energize. Focus your desires. To trated with learning difficulties they get energized, you must focus on what can’t overcome alone. My personal experience with despair was caused by  you really want . The clearer you are about your desires, the more your phys- such a dilemma. After overcoming my iology rallies to support you. So, spell study difficulties and achieving my acaout what you want: demic goals, I now enable children to • Create a plan. Figure out what you need achieve their full potential by helping them learn how to learn . I beto learn and how you can best learn it . What resources—books, videos, webcame an educator to touch the sites, classes—will be most effective? lives of  millions of youth with Who will be your coaches or mentors? my human rights initiative. And how and where should you begin? Grade school was academically difficult for me, though • Watch over your wellness. Energy requires a healthy body, mind, and spirit. I came from a highly educated So, eat smart, drink lots of water, exerfamily. My father, a Scientolcise regularly, and get plenty of sleep. ogist, introduced me to Study Step 2: Navigate content. Start learnTechnology  by L. Ron Hubbard. This changed my life, and I went on to ing. Once clear about what you need to learn, and where and with whom you  become a teacher and earn a doctorate. can best learn it, start learning: Today, illiteracy is not just a handicap— • Know your learning style—how you best it’s a severe disconnect from opportunities . learn. Are you a visual (seeing) learner who Many of my students arrive saying, “I responds to watching videos or creating hate math,” or some other subject. It is a charts and graphs? Are you an auditory thrill every time I see the light go on for (hearing) learner who responds to listen- these students—that ah-ha! moment ing to others and discussing information? when they realize they can understand. Or are you a kinesthetic (doing) learner My love of children and the earnest who responds to moving around and desire to help them achieve their goals practicing what you’re learning. Accelprompted my concern with human erate your success by using techniques rights education. Born and raised in that leverage your style. apartheid South Africa, I saw the devastation that results from discrimination • Review early and often, and in different and abuse of human rights. In 2001, I ways. Each time you review your learn-

Keys to Learning 

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• Teach your new learning soon to someone. Whoever does the teaching is doing the learning. You’ll refine and reenergize your knowledge through teaching. Step 5: Gauge and celebrate. Measure— and make merry. Assess how much you’ve learned and celebrate. You might throw a party for yourself, take a me day , treat yourself to a massage, shop, or hike. • Keep a journal. Synthesize your learning in a journal. It will show how much you’ve learned and embed the learning. Step 6: Extend learning. Ask, “How can I help others with what I’ve learned ?” You will reinforce all that you’ve learned and help others realize their dreams. PE Victoria Halsey, Ph.D., is VP of Applied Learning at The Ken Blanchard Companies and author of  Brilliance  by Design (Berrett-Koehler). Visit vickihalsey.com or email [email protected].  ACTION: Engage in learning.

founded Youth for Human Rights Intl. (YHRI), to teach youth about human rights, specifically the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights . Although the Declaration was adopted by the U.N. more than 60 years ago, human rights issues abound. Ten years ago, 90 percent of those surveyed couldn’t name more than three of the 30 rights granted by the Declaration . Most leaders are well-meaning, but they can’t define human rights , let alone enumerate rights guaranteed by the Declaration. Such vital knowledge must be disseminated. If Edison’s secret of electricity had only been available to the few, we might all still be living in the dark. The problem was how to connect the concepts in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights to youth. My teenage son Taron had the answer—get their attention by using an audiovisual approach. Following Taron’s vision, we set out to produce, on a shoestring  budget, the hip-hop music video, UNITED. We premiered UNITED at U.N. Headquarters in New York, and its universal appeal made it a favorite for youth in many countries, winning awards worldwide. Based on the success of UNITED, we developed further human rights education materials, inspiring youth from diverse backgrounds to themselves  become human rights educators. With these materials, anyone can teach human rights . Education is a bridge to human rights and positive social change. PE  Mary Shuttleworth is a human rights activist. Visit www.youthforhumanrights.org.  ACTION: Achieve your academic goals.

Personal Excellence

EMOTIONAL• ANGER

It has a “best when used by” date. The longer it stays, the more rancid it  becomes but it can be difficult to let go of anger. As a transformational emotion, it has the power to define who you Before it strangles you. are—the Wounded, the Victim, the Aggrieved, the Misunderstood. When able code words for their anger, giving you allow your anger to name you, you by Gregory L. Jantz themselves permission to express it, give it power over you. Letting go of  while refusing to acknowledge it. The anger can make you feel powerless. T’S COMMON TO SEE CELEBrity or political infidelities first key to making a change in your life Letting go of anger can feel like letting splashed across national is accepting the need exists. go of who you are. You need to be will2. Examine where your anger comes headlines, ala the current iterations ing to let go of anger and forge a differ from. That hurt! This chair was pulled involving the “Governator” and ent identity for yourself, one that Weiner-gate. People are riveted to the acknowledges your pain but is not away from the table and it’s just like him details of the indiscretion, including to be so inconsiderate to leave a chair right  bound to it. 5. Be willing to forgive, even yourself. any backlash by the aggrieved party. in the way where someone else could run How will she act? What will she say? Unmanaged anger feeds resentment. into it! He never gives a thought to what How will he respond? Too quickly it anyone else might be doing. I might as well Resentment is at war with forgiveness.  becomes media circus and political Resentment wants to hold on tight to be invisible . . . just like I felt around my sideshow but the pain and hurt experi- dad growing up. Sometimes a stubbed anger and considers forgiveness an enced by the families involved are real toe is just a stubbed toe. You’re in the incomprehensible abdication of power. and damaging. There may be nothing moment and something hurts so you Forgiveness seems weak while anger is  better than a rage-filled, public outburst react in anger. But sometimes the stubstrong. Forgiveness, however, asserts the to fuel the flames for cable outlets and  bed toe gets tangled up in more than ultimate control over your pain by refusfront-page headlines but anger is a  just the moment. In order to manage ing to allow it to consume you. There is powerful emotion that needs to be your anger, you need to know where it a wellspring of inner strength to be managed not recklessly unleashed. found when you’re able to release your Anger isn’t only for jilted spouses; anger and forgive others. And when you it’s for everyone, as a natural human do, don’t withhold that gift of forgiveemotion. When managed well, anger is ness from anyone who needs it. You motivating, empowering, cleansing, and may find the hardest person for you to effective. When anger is done poorly, it forgive is you. 6. Be willing to feel something else is addictive, self-perpetuating, alienatbesides your anger. When anger is all ing, unhealthy, and destructive. Anger unleashed but unmanaged takes the you’ve felt for a very long time, it can original shockwave of pain and turns it seem strange once you’ve released it into a bitter whirlwind of rage that has from your life. You can feel an odd sense no concern for what or who it levels in of loss. But all that space anger took up its path. It can leave families devastated, really comes from. This can be a diffiis now available for lasting, uplifting friendships destroyed, and sense of self  cult process, as you peel back layers of  emotions like peace, contentment, optisuffocated in its powerful wake. pain but the fire of anger is often kept mism, hope and joy. You need to fill in Anger is clearly a part of life. Most  burning by the hidden coals of rage and that space; if you leave yourself emopeople experience some level of it on a  bitterness. You’ve got to dig deep some- tionally void, anger will find it much daily basis. Sometimes, anger is appro- times to bring them to the surface. easier to return. 3. Be honest about how you use anger  priate to the circumstances and someYou can’t expunge anger entirely against yourself and others. Anger is a times it is not. There is a balance to from your life—it is an emotion and a anger that many people haven’t learnpowerful and empowering emotion. It reaction you’ll continue to feel and expeed to negotiate. I believe it is possible to can make you feel invincible, special, rience—but you can manage your anger live a balanced life, where anger is and set apart in your pain. Unleashed so you harness its positives and avoid experienced and expressed but not hid- anger, however, has a way of cascading  being consumed by its negatives. Even if  den and hoarded. down the landscape of your life and you are caught up in the public throes of  relationships like molten lava, scorchprivate pain, you can manage the naturApply Six Key Principles ing everything in its path. Venting may al anger you feel, and find the strength You can learn to manage your anger provide a sense of temporary relief, but to make positive but difficult choices  by applying six key principles: you need to be aware of who is around and necessary changes. May you find 1. Accept the truth of your anger. The you, including the little people in your the strength to protect the vulnerable first key to managing anger is acknowllife. Managing your anger allows you from the brunt forces of rage and bitterness, find the path to forgiveness, and edging it exists . Many people, especially to protect the most vulnerable. Be women who have been brought up to aware also that the most vulnerable leave room in your life to experience PE hide or mask their anger, deny they are person you can protect from your own love and hope again. even angry. They’ll use words like frus- unleashed anger may be yourself. L. Jantz, Ph.D., is founder of The Center and 4. Be willing to let anger go. Anger is Gregory trated or irritated. They’ll brush off even author of  Hope, Help & Healing for Eating Disorders . the suggestion of being angry and say meant to alert you to danger and pain Visit www.aplaceofhope.com. they’re tired or stressed, anxious or in your world so you can take necesimpatient. They have developed accept- sary steps and make positive changes.  ACTION: Apply the six key principles.

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E M O T I O N A L • MOTIVATION

ing whether the impact is good or They strive to improve—they’re relent bad—the kind of power displayed by less learners. No matter how good they narcissists, for example. The other is a are today, they try to do even better. socially beneficial power, where you There can be a downside to this drive: take pleasure in influencing people for you can become a workaholic , so focused What moves you?  the better or for the common good. on work goals that you neglect to live a  Motivator 2: the need to affiliate— full life. You can see this in anyone who taking pleasure in being with people. has perfectionistic standards (they focus on by Daniel Goleman Those high in this motive are motivated what they could have done better , not what they did well . This striving may be strongHE WORD motivation SHARES  by the sheer pleasure of doing things its root with emotion , from together with people they like. When ly rewarded, but your life suffers. The the Latin motere , to move. we’re working toward a common goal, price you pay may be in failed relationMotives give you aims and the drive to they find energy in how good we’ll all feel ships, or never taking time out for things achieve them. Anything that’s motivating when we reach that goal . Great team mem- you enjoy, or the health costs of chronic makes you feel good. Nature gets you to  bers may also be driven by this motive. stress. You can have a life and enjoy yourself,  Motivator 3: the need for achievement  too. Learn to take smart risks  by mastering do what it wants by making it a pleasure . Your motives dictate where you find —reaching toward a meaningful goal. the know-how and skills to hit the goal. PE your pleasures. But when you pursue Those high in this motive love to keep Daniel Goleman is author of  The Brain and Emotional those goals, you encounter difficulties. score, to get feedback on performance, Intelligence. Visit www.morethansound.net. And when you face setbacks and obsta- whether this means hitting their numcles in reaching goals that your motives  bers or raising millions for a charity.  ACTION: Examine your motives and motivations. drive you toward, brain circuitry in the E M O T I O N A L • JO Y  left prefrontal cortex comes alive to nothing makes sense. If you fix what remind you of the good feelings you will they want fixed, they’ll focus on another thing. Nothing you do will make them have once you reach that goal. This helps you keep going. happy. So, don’t get pulled into the same If your emotional setpoint tips toward  behavior. Also, do not act the way they They drain energy. the left side of the brain, you tend to be make you feel. You may want to scream more positive in your emotional outat your boss, “You are a bully (or worse). by Karen Okulicz look. But, you are susceptible to anger No one likes you.” But you’ll likely lose when a worthy goal gets thwarted. You OY ROBBERS CREATE GRIEF FOR your job, and your behavior will make then get frustrated and irritated, which you. They are everywhere  you look crazy. You may want to post a is good, because it mobilizes your ener—a boss, a neighbor, a rela- sign on your door: “Stay away all joy gy and focuses your attention on overtive, a new acquaintance, or a stranger. robbers—and you know who you are!” coming the obstacles to achieve the goal. They bother you. They test your good You may even wish these people bad, Right prefrontal activation acts as a nature and positive attitude. They can for the agony they cause you, but that is  behavioral inhibitor: you give up more drain you of your self-love and discipline. not the best way to get resolution. Crazy easily when things get tough. You’re also You need to focus on your own projects, behavior drains and demeans you . too risk-averse —overly cautious. You your daily work, and your fun. Arming yourself against JRs is taking Why would someone sabotage you at care of yourself. You might ask, Why have low motivation and are more anxious and fearful and vigilant for threats. work, create ill-will in the has this JR appeared in my life The left hemisphere lights up even at family, or disrupt you at your at this time? What have they to the thought of achieving a meaningful place of worship? Their behavteach me? JRs may direct you goal. Left prefrontal activity is also asso- ior stems from their own unhapto move, to look for new ciated with something bigger than any work, put up a better fence,  piness and disappointment. single target—a sense of purpose, the People who are not well tend or plan your holidays. They grand goals that give your life meaning. to act out and try to rob your push your buttons to find a What Howard Gardner calls “good  joy. Their joyless view of the  better way of life. If you need work” is a combination of  excellence , world is not your problem. assistance legally , psychologiwhere you’re doing work that calls on An awful boss who is unkind cally , or spiritually to handle a your best talents; of  engagement , where to you or a relative who upsets you can  JR, get it. And then go forward to the you’re enthusiastic, energized, and love rob you of your joy. Learn to recognize next new job, new residence, or new what you do; and ethics , where your these joy robbers (JRs) and don’t allow adventure. If you exhibit bad behavior, work is aligned with your sense of purthem to trap you in their ugly web. you make them the winner. When you pose, meaning, and direction in life. If someone sabotages your work, or handle issues with dignity and selfWhen I studied at Harvard, my men- spreads hurtful family gossip, look at respect, you are the winner. tor was David McClelland, a motivation the source. It is not you—it is them. If  When you encounter Energy Drainers expert. He proposed three main motivasomeone is acting in a crazy way toward and JRs , learn to deflect their insulting tors. I think of each as a different path to you— especially if their behavior might comments, probing questions, and sly activating the brain’s reward centers and hurt your family, home, pets, or yourremarks—so that they don’t harm your increasing our drive and persistence: self—contact authorities. File the behav- good nature or rob you of your joy. PE  Motivator 1: the need for power —in ior with the police, get a lawyer, or go to Okulicz is the author of  Try: A Survival Guide to the sense of influencing or impacting HR, for your safety and peace of mind. Karen Unemployment; Decide: How to Make Any Decision ; and Since you can’t out-think crazy, don’t  Attitude: For Your Best Lived Life. www.Okulicz.com, other people. McClelland distinguished call 732-681-6755, or email [email protected]. try to go toe-to-toe with them. You’ll  between two kinds of power. One is selfish, ego-centered power, without car- never win. They live in crazyland , where  ACTION: Learn to handle joy and energy robbers.

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Personal Excellence

TITLE P ROFESSIONAL• CAREER

ences. Finally, they chose their employers wisely—they do not settle for just any employer. They pursue employers that have a reputation for developing their employees and for being open to a  broad set of goals and personal developthe part. ment, as well as embracing flexibility and career paths that might move in all forward to your employer as a way to directions, depending on the situation. shape the future of your work and The metaphor we use for the new career. Look for opportunities to stay world of work is the lattice—a concept relevant in the changing world of  that challenges the notion of climbing work, where skills needed today may the ladder. The lattice model recognizes not be the skills needed tomorrow. that different things motivate different Introducing ideas in a constructive way people at different times based on a is critical to their acceptance. Approach multitude of considerations. In a lattice way of thinking, you look this process from a practical, business not only up and down when considering  case perspective. Gather your ideas, your career, but horizontally and diagostructure a proposal that shows the nally as well. A lattice offers a better  benefits to both you and your employer, articulate a plan for implementation, model for you to visualize the different and agree on how to measure success. routes you can take to achieve your Your plan should include checkpoints view of career success. You can quickly to assess how things are going and ways recognize horizontal or diagonal moves to improve. Again, creating a personal as a way to achieve long-term success.  business plan with your employer can As long as you are moving toward your  be a powerful tool in achieving longgoal, the absolute direction at any speterm success. Share your plan with sev- cific point in time is less important.

CEO of Your Career  You need to start acting by William Pelster

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ODAY , YOU MUST FUNCTION AS CEO OF your own

career. Being a career CEO is a simple concept, but it challenges you to take ownership of your future rather than leave things to chance or someone else’s direction. It encourages you to engage in active, goal-driven conversations with your employer with respect to career and timing. Moreover, it enables you to find the right fit between work and personal life. What are career CEO leading practices? 

Think of yourself as a portfolio of skills and capabilities, similar to the way you may think about managing your personal finances. To do this, you must first mark yourself to the market . Take an outside-in approach to gauge your value on the open market. Get feedback from colleagues, peers, friends, and family— anyone who knows you and your skills and will be honest with you. Use this as a chance to make new connections. Think vertically, laterally and diagonally when growing your network and  building your personal brand. Once you know your value on the open market, you can think about option value . Option value is the most powerful component of being CEO of your career .

This involves looking at the choices available to you to determine what your skills would bring if you decided to pursue a new opportunity—either within your current firm or at a different one. Inventory your skills and capabilities, making a thorough assessment that goes beyond technical skills to intangi bles such as leadership qualities and the ability to inspire and innovate. These skills are in high demand today. Next consider your situation. Are your skills current? Do you need to invest in new skills to increase your marketability? Is your current job one you would want to continue to do for another year, 10 years, the rest of your life? If not, how can you make yourself more marketable for a new position? These are all questions you need to answer regularly. Also, think about your passion. What is it that really excites you and drives you to excel? As the CEO of your career, you are in ultimate control of pursuing that which inspires you. Bring new ideas Personal Excellence

When you are creating a personal business plan for your career, consider it   from all angles, including career-life fit. Long-term success hinges on the ability to find the right fit and approach work holistically. There is no single model for

career-life fit. You need to recalibrate your career-life fit during various stages in your life, depending on what you want to achieve and when. There are times when you will devote most of  your energy to achieving work-related goals. At other times, you may need more personal time for yourself or to care for a loved one.

eral individuals who will hold you accountable. Consider creating a personal board of directors to whom you can periodically report your progress while receiving honest feedback. If you Take the Mental Leap share your plan, you are more likely to Being CEO of your career is first and achieve your goals. Don’t be shy—this foremost a mental leap. It is an affirmais a critical step! tion and conviction that you are in conAs you think about your business trol of your destiny and are mindful of  plan, consider the qualities or attributthe necessary steps to stay aligned with es of those who become CEOs of their your personal goals and professional careers. First, they are agile learners. pursuits. This conviction is not depenThey take risks while learning new dent on your level in an organization, things. They examine the world from a your education, or any personal circumperspective of what can be learned stance. Rather, it is a way of thinking today and how it can be used tomorabout your future and how you can row. They challenge themselves to gain shape the outcome. It is about having the new skills and to incorporate them right conversations with your employer, most effectively. They push the bound-  being willing to take risks, embracing a aries of their comfort zone by exploring lattice mindset, and actively managing uncharted territory. And, they look at your career investments in yourself. PE their skills as assets to market—abiliWilliam Pelster is Chief Learning Officer at Deloitte. ties that can be transferred or re-purVisit www.thecorporatelattice.com or email posed. They assess their portfolio of  [email protected]. skills to ensure a high and ongoing return on their capabilities and experi ACTION: Become the CEO of your career. www.Lead er Ex ce l. co m

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P R O F E S S I O N A L • RESTRAINT

act stupidly—and to Stop and Reframe your thinking. You can either let events dictate your negative choices, or  you can control your choices by taking rational action . Or you will regret your choice. You can let your impassioned, negative emotions hijack your behavior, or when you confront negative emotions and by James Mapes thoughts, you can Stop, Reframe, and then HY DO SO MANY PEOPLE make a more empowering choice . Being take foolish actions in positive and enthusiastic, passionate in the heat of the moment and what you do, and courageous in doing then regret their choices? Actions such it often leads to positive outcomes. Try this two-week experiment. In a as road rage, getting a tattoo, shouting verbal abuse, making threats, having an  journal (notebook or computer), write: affair, borrowing money that you can’t Whenever I feel the powerful emotions of  possibly repay, and Tweeting a provoca- blame, self-pity, fear, anger, or have negative picture of yourself or sexting—cause tive judgmental thoughts about myself or regret and disappointment. All are driothers, when I blame myself or others, or ven in the heat of the moment by emo- whenever I doubt myself or feel guilt or fear tions and passions. “All emotions are —I will be aware of my thinking. Whenever pure which gather you and lift you up; I feel that I’m deceiving or taking advantage that emotion is impure which seizes PROFESSIONAL• CHANGE only one side of your being and so distorts you,” wrote Rainer Maria Rilke. In the dark corners of consciousness are hidden biases , fear-based beliefs , painful memories , and negative self-images that Get personal with improvement. prompt you to act in irrational ways. Thus, you often make many dumb, selfby David Maxfield destructive, selfish, and unwise choices. You may be prompted to act on a powRE YOU IN NEED OF A erful momentary emotion or feeling, or career makeover? Are  blinded by fear or ignorance. Acting withyou asked to step it up in out thinking is like shooting without aiming . performance reviews? Is there a disconHere’s how it happens. First, an event  nect between your wanting to improve takes place. Perhaps it’s at the urging of  and your ability to make it happen? Is an influential person, or someone makes your boss unhappy with your perforan unsavory remark, bumps into you, mance, but you don’t know what you cuts you off while driving, takes advanare doing wrong or how you’ll change? tage of you, or entices you to act with We created a model that you the promise of pleasure.  Next, that event  can use to boost your career. triggers a thought  such as, I’ll be rewardBy studying top performers, we identified three behaved if I do this . Or I’ll attack and get even . Or I’ll be right. Or I’ll be accepted by my iors that they do far better: • They know their stuff. They  friends or peers. Or I’ll beat the system. Or I’ll be promoted. Third, the thought triggers ensure they excel at the techan emotion, and the brain is excited by a nical aspects of their jobs. chemical response. You might become They hone their specific craft. • They focus on the right  frightened, helpless, angry, confused, excited, afraid, pleased, or embarrassed. stuff. They contribute to tasks that are Lastly, an action is taken. You do some- vital to success. They earn direct access thing dumb or smart. The dumb thing is to critical tasks the company values. • They build a reputation for being helpto act in the passion of the moment with no  ful. They are known and respected by regard for future consequences . The smart thing is to make a rational choice without others not because of their frequent conbeing swayed by the heat of the moment . By tact, charm or charisma, but because acting out of an emotion, you may cause they help others solve problems. your own misery. Calling your boss Knowing how top performers behave is names, trying to force someone off the only the first step to improvement. Next road, having an affair, or living beyond comes implementing these behaviors. your means holds the potential of doom. The event that triggers harmful emo- Creating a Change Plan tions may not be your fault—still,  you do You might assume that your success have choice in your actions . You can become depends on your willpower . Or, you might regard people who should—but don’t— instantly aware when you are experiencing an emotion that might trigger you to change as lazy or unmotivated. Neither

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of another person, or when I feel that I’m  getting even with someone for a perceived injustice, I will stop, take a breath, observe my thoughts, and say, “Isn’t that interesting?” I will let all negative pictures, images and emotions go, return to the present, and reframe my thinking to positive thoughts. The statement, Isn’t that interesting? will trigger you to use the Stop method when you need it and prompt you to  become aware when your emotions are about to lead you down the path of  doing something stupid or destructive. The quality of your life determines the quality of your actions. The quality of your actions is triggered by your emotions—and that determines the quality of your life . PE  James Mapes is author of  Quantum Leap Thinkin g. Visit www.jamesmapes.com or email [email protected].  ACTION: Think before you act.

assumption is correct. Six sources of  influence explain why you make the choices you do and shape your actions. 1. Flash forward to the future. The  best motivation is to visit your default  future—the career you’ll have if you’re passed up for promotion. A 30-year-old employee earning $60,000 passed up for a promotion with a 2 percent raise will incur a lifetime loss of $59,780. 2. Invest in professional development.

New habits require new skills. Actively develop the skills of top performers. 3. Hang with the hard-workers. The  bad habits that hold you back are likely enabled or tolerated by others. If you are struggling, associate with hardworking colleagues. 4. Find a mentor. Changing habits requires help. Find a mentor who will encourage your progression and navigate career opportunities. 5. Put skin in the game.

Reward yourself for reaching short-term goals by tying small bonuses, rewards or incentives to your ability to meet your goals in your next performance review. 6. Control your workspace. Make developing your new habits easier by enlisting the power of your surroundings. If you would benefit from close association with another team, try relocating your office space. When you learn the behaviors of  top performers and then engage all six sources of influence—you are 10 times PE more likely to succeed! David Maxfield is t he co-author of the New York Times bestseller Change Anything: The New Science of  Personal Success and VP of research at VitalSmarts. Visit www.changeanythingbook.com.  ACTION: Practice behaviors of top performers.

Personal Excellence

TITLE P HYSICAL• WEIGHT

Donate Extra Weight  Make y our fitne ss goa ls SMART. by Matthew B. James

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FEW YEARS BACK , IT

occurred to me that if I was going to teach people to be healthy in all areas of their lives, I should demonstrate this personally. In fact, when I started teaching, my grandfather advised, “When you talk,  your ears are the closest to your mouth. So the first person who should  be listening to what you say is you.”

Neuro Linguistic Programming I was reminded of this truism as I talked about being healthy to a group in Toronto, Canada, and realized that I was overweight. At the time I was 230 pounds. If I were 6’2”, that would be great. But I am 5’8”, meaning I was obese! So, I applied the tools I teach in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) to create lasting change to my situation. NLP is a behavioral technology— guiding principles, attitudes and techniques—that enables you to create desired results in life. It is about how language—the words and images in our subconscious—affects our psychology, physiology and behavior. A shift in these changes the outcome. NLP recognizes that your ability to change begins in your subconscious. But the subconscious doesn’t process negative concepts. So if you say, “I don’t want to weigh this weight,” you may be unmotivated to take action. It is much more effective to focus on the positive, on what you want . After the image you want is clear, pay attention to your focus on things around you and on your language. Focusing on things around you might include the dreaded scale. A scale is helpful to provide feedback. But since muscle weighs more than fat, at some point your weight may be increasing while your fat is decreasing. Realizing this helps you to focus. What are you telling yourself? Keep it positive! This is why I prefer the terms donating weight or reducing fat to losing weight. Think of something that you have lost, like your keys or your cell phone. What happens? You find it. You need to rethink how you label what you do. It feels good to donate, so think of yourself as donating Personal Excellence

your weight to the universe. Language can cause you to procrastinate. People often say “I will start my diet tomorrow.” But your subconscious can’t process that concept. Linguistically, if you tell yourself  you will start to diet or exercise tomorrow,  you are programming yourself to procrastinate . There is no tomorrow, so start now!

Make Your Goals SMART In my NLP courses, I urge students to make sure their goals fit the SMART model: Specific and simple; Measurable and meaningful; Achievable and actionable; Resources and responsibility; and Timed toward what you want. Set goals that are specific, measurable,

and achievable. And act on them now, using your resources responsibly and making progress timed toward the results you want to see. A specific, simple, measurable goal would be deciding how much weight you want to donate and by what time. Keep it simple, by choosing one lifestyle change to start, and ensure it is achievable. Don’t over-complicate things by trying to do too many things at once, such as starting a diet, a gym routine and running all at the same time. A simple, measurable, achievable goal would be “I’m going to walk my dog every day” or “I’m going to eat three servings of vegetables each day.” Then you can add new specific and measurable goals as you go. Look at the resources you have and how you can use them responsibly. An example might be your time. You know you have so much time each day to do what you need to do, so you carve out a half hour to walk 

your dog or run. Or you use your money resources responsibly to buy healthy food rather than junk food and sweets.

Be Clear on the Why You also need to be clear on why you want to donate weight or reduce fat. If you are doing it for anyone else other than yourself, it likely isn’t going to work. For me, I had to recognize that I was afraid that being overweight and unhealthy would affect how people looked at me. I conquered my fears using techniques from Huna , the ancient Hawaiian discipline of  energy, healing and consciousness that I teach and practice. I began to take action. I started working out regularly, and I ate the right foods. Sure enough, the pounds started coming off. After a few months, I got down to about 195, and I decided to celebrate. I went out for a big meal, and I had my favorite desert (apple pie a la mode)! I told myself, “It’s okay. I’ll work out tomorrow, and I don’t have to worry  because I am a changed person, and I’ll never be that big again.” Of course, the re-introduction of  sugar caused me to sleep in the next morning and have a massive headache. So I skipped the gym and snarfed down more sugar to feel better. Within a week, I was back up over 200 pounds again. “How can this be?” I thought. “I am a changed person! Why am I gaining weight?” My internal image of myself was still of the “big me.” Each time I said, “I will never be that big again,” I was literally making a picture of myself in my mind as a large person. Remember, the mind does not directly process negatives. I had to focus on myself  as a healthy person. It worked, and I was able to donate the rest of the weight and get down to the weight I wanted to be. Remember to focus on what you want . After the image of what you want is clear, pay attention to your focus on things around you and on your language as you take action toward your SMART goals. Finally, remember to have fun. That “S” can also stand for “smile” and “sincerity.” Practice being grateful and see what a difference it can make as you achieve the goals in PE your weight donation program!  Matthew B. James, Ph.D., is President of Kona University and its training division The Empowerment Partnership. He’s a master trainer and author of  The Foundation of Huna: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Times. Visit www.NLP.com or e-mail [email protected].  ACTION: Start donating your extra weight.

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P H Y S I C A L • CONTRACT

and you just don’t have time to prospect. You need to hijack this circuit . You do that through a behavioral contract with accountability that has two parts: the Small efforts create big outcomes. check-in and the enforceable consequence  for non-performance . You are genetically coded to avoid the by Bob Davies highest level of perceived pain. This is not HERE IS ONLY A 1.2 PERCENT an option—this is an instinct. The key is difference in the genetic to make this avoidance the actual execution coding of the genes of chimps of the desired activity . Here’s how to do it. and humans. However, there are major Suppose you commit to exercise five differences . In any part of the brain, only times this week. It’s Sunday, your comabout 10 percent of our gene activity dif- mitments are due, and you have only fers from those of chimps. The differworked out four times. You don’t feel ence is very small, but very significant . like going to the gym—all you want to Very small differences can create big  do is just relax. Your brain searches and outcomes. At 211 degrees water is hot; finds how painful and inconvenient at 212 degrees, it boils. Vince Lombardi exercise is. Before you avoid it, howevsaid, “Inches make a champion .” Thomas er, your brain verifies that the highest Edison said, “Many of life’s failures are level of pain is to violate your behavmen who did not realize how close they P H Y S I C A L • HEALTH were to success when they gave up.” Yes, little things make the difference. I can remember as a college football coach drilling the little things—like tucking shirts in, stance and starts, tack- Take a proactive approach. ling drills, first-step drills, quick-hand and quick-feet drills. Such little things by Denis Waitley accumulate to enable athletes to get off  of a block and make a tackle. HINK OF YOUR BODY AS A If you are coaching, mentoring, or high-powered, finely developing others, realize that there is engineered transportation only one small change that you need to vehicle, like a space shuttle. Instead of  make a very big difference—that is the liquid hydrogen, your body is powered small change of accountability.  by your own intake—the food you eat If the brain was connected to a funcfuels and energizes the vehicle. What tional magnetic reasoning machine, you put in your fuel tank is burned by fMRI, you would see what areas of the your high performance activity or—in  brain are using energy during particuthe case of low-octane, junk food—is lar tasks. Show a person a picture and deposited in your engine. the visual area lights up. Play some Think of your mind as the music and the auditory cortex is active. driver who takes control of  When someone makes a commitand steers your body to victoment, the outer cortex is activated and ry or hits the wall. Your body then an area of the brain referred to as is very much like a car. Drive the limbic area becomes active. This it without proper fuel or means that the individual has declared maintenance, and it will fall apart. You take it for granted their action and now the brain is searching to get you where you want to  for emotional memories of danger associatgo, until it breaks down. Then it dised with that action that may be life-threatrupts your way of life. ening. This is a subconscious process. Like your car, your body only speaks The subconscious brain fires 400 times faster than the conscious thinking mind. to you by exception. You only notice it The individual commits to making when it is damaged or inoperative. But, so many prospecting calls per day. The unlike your car, the spare parts business  brain sends a signal from the cortex to for your body is not a viable option. the amygdale, a structure in the limbic To combat disease and aging, you area. The amygdale sends a signal to need to keep your bones, joints, and the hippocampus searching for stored muscles flexible and strong. Add exermemories of danger, like rejection. This cise with weights to your aerobic exeris called a cortical limbic loop and the cise. Assess your condition and select signal comes back to the conscious healthy activity. And, be aware that the mind first through your physiology, a effectiveness of exercise depends as much knot in your stomach and then through on enjoyment as on the nature of activity .  As important as daily exercise is your thoughts about how busy you are

The 1.2 Percent Factor 

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ioral contract. Suppose you contract for five workouts this week or  you must pay a fine of $100 . Now your brain has something to be in reference to. What is more painful, going to the gym or paying $100? You’ll likely hold the fine as more painful and away you go to the gym. You have just witnessed a behavioral contract in action. You are still the same genetic avoidance machine, but you now win the game with your contract.  Apply this with one small action this week and watch what happens. Use this

with another person and you will be the mentor that you’ve always wanted to  be! I’ll bet that you and the other person will do what you said you would do! PE Bob Davies is CEO of High Performance Training, and  Master Certified Coach. Call 949-830-9192, email: [email protected] or visit www.Bobdavies.com.  ACTION: Benefit from the 1.2 percent factor.

 proper nutrition. Eat a low-fat diet (keep

your fat intake to 15 percent of all daily calories). This will keep you lean and boost your immunity. Eat a lowsalt diet . Use a potassium-based salt substitute on the table and in cooking. Eat a high-fiber diet . Fiber protects the colon from cancer, lowers cholesterol and stabilizes blood sugar. Eat 40 to 50 grams of mixed fibers daily, as in whole-grain breads and cereals, especially those containing oat bran, vegetables and fruits. Eat a low-sugar diet . Use a little fructose in place of table sugar. Eat complex carbohydrates in place of sugar and look for carbohydrate drinks sweetened with zylitol. Drink clean water. Drink bottled or home-distilled water, as much as eight glasses per day. Eat an alkaline diet. Our high-fat, high-sugar diet creates acidity. Take daily nutritional sup plements including essential multi-vitamins, antioxidants and minerals. Supplement your diet with nutrition to promote resistance to disease. Eat the right kinds of foods and stay away from the fast-food, fat-food drive-throughs. You are doing yourself  and your children a dangerous, longterm disservice by developing the habit of eating high-fat, nutrition-poor meals. Make your health your top priority. You can’t buy your health or life back  after years of neglecting it while you earn your living. So, start improving your health—and thus increasing the quality and quantity of your life. PE Denis Waitley is a professional speaker and author. Visit www.deniswaitley.com.  ACTION: List one activity you will do tomorrow.

Personal Excellence

TITLE F INANCIAL• EDGE

When things are moving along well, you tend to stay where you are. It may  be a bit uncomfortable, but not enough to make any changes. • Be careful of your routines and habits . If  there is something that you’re doing Enjoy consistent peak performance.  because you’ve always done it , step back  and ask if the relative effort is worth the by Jason W. perceived payoff. Consider these areas that take your time, your energy and your Womack and where you might be spending too much  focus. It may be a simple list you keep next to your computer, or a note on of yourself: going to disorganized meetLisa Peake your computer desktop. It helps to ings, requesting submitted work be redone, re-explaining delegated work. overdo this inventory, so that later you can plan to change some of the perfor• Decide which things you’ll address this OU CAN FEEL TIME SLIPPING AWAY. THE summer has gone by in a blur. You mance issues that might otherwise go week. Discuss the topic with a coach or know what needs to be done, so now, unseen or unaddressed. If possible, sit co-worker. Identify one thing you might how do you do it? Are there secrets to down with a mentor or co-worker as do differently, for five days. To coach  being more purposeful, productive, and you explore this topic. yourself, ask: Am I the best person to do profitable? We promise you: Any one of  • Take control of interruptions by having this? (If not, who is?) Is this the most these four tips will ease a path to success. upfront agreements about when you’ll important thing for me to do right now? So, pick one to practice with this week . (If not now, when?) What are the prioricheck in about key projects with key team 1. When you’re at work, work. If your members. Designate a window of time ties for today (this week or month)? 4. Be consistent. Say what you’re work is always right there—on the job or each day that you are open for interoff, while you’re commuting or out to ruptions. Communicate clearly when going to do, and do what you say. You dinner with family and friends, a part you want focus time, and ask others to have to commit. The only way to gain of your mind could wander to your tominimize interruptions at that time. trust and buy-in from yourself and your dos. The solution—call it all work . If  Allocate your energy wisely. If you’re team is to say what you’re going to do you’re at dinner, pretend for 10 minutes (communicate your agreements) and do that you are meeting with your team. what you say (keep them). By writing You’d be focused, and prepared with down a goal, you quadruple the chances some topics for discussion. If you conthat you’ll achieve it. Offload agreesider going out to dinner work , then you ments from your brain to your system.  just might focus more intently and be • Gain altitude regularly. Review what more available to those around you. you write down regularly. Look at Staying focused on what you’re doing — everything you’ve agreed to, and find no matter what you’re doing—is easier out what your long-term desired outif you follow a few simple rules: comes are. Is what you’re doing daily, weekly, monthly, aligned with what you • Minimize external interruptions. Turn off beepy reminders, unnecessary alarms, want to accomplish? Adjust as needed. and set your chat status to away. Block  highly creative in the morning, block  Tweak how much time, energy, and out the world when you need to. Learn out uninterrupted time then. Master resources you spend on different areas to capture thoughts and ideas as they your email flow. You can eliminate of your life to match your goals. By takshow up, then get right back to your reading and re-reading emails by proing the time to gain altitude, you can focus. Get the thoughts down quickly cessing each incoming email through  better identify the next best action to take. (jot notes on paper, use a digital camera, to a decision about the next step, before • Renegotiate as needed. When you realor send yourself an email), then re-focus closing it or filing it. Stagnant emails ize you’ve committed to something that on what’s going on right there. drain your energy, and create resistance won’t happen, tell the others involved to your most important things. If you right away. Renegotiate as soon as you • Don’t walk away from any meeting, including a personal conversation where have a backlog of emails, take an hour see a yellow light—not when it’s red. work is addressed, without asking: Is to purge and process them. Be a meetOrdinary actions lead to extraordinary there anything to do now that we’ve ing master. Start and end on time. Send results, when done consistently. Your pertalked? Who will do it? If you’re spend- agendas in advance so attendees can formance and productivity are the ing more than an hour a week debriefreview the key points. Know when to results of coordinating your focus and ing meetings, then the real work of the take breakout conversations “offline” mindset with actions you can repeat— meeting isn’t getting done effectively. and setup follow-up one-to-one meetand do repeat, consistently. By looking, 2. Get better at what you do a lot of. ings as needed. Be prepared with two again, at your Most Important Things, What gets in the way of you being as or three quick tasks you can do while you’ll identify the areas of your life and productive as possible during the day? waiting for the meeting to start. work that deserve attention. The best 3. Stop doing crap (what takes too Do you attend many meetings? Do peoimprovement you’ll achieve, this year much time, energy, focus). You’re where and the next, will occur when you break  ple interrupt you constantly? Do you receive dozens (or even hundreds!) of  you are, doing what you are doing, those big things down into daily, weekly PE emails daily? Whatever you do a lot of, since it’s comfortable. You might disreviewable actions. get better at that. Don’t be so busy hanagree, saying that you’re stressed out, Lisa Peake is a productivity coach, and Jason W. Womack is an executive coach, author and speaker dling the day-to-day that you forget to or you’ve not had enough sleep lately on productivity. Visit WomackCompany.com. step back and see the possibilities.  because of a big project. But, you’re • Start next week by identifying the things comfortable being uncomfortable.  ACTION: Gain a productivity edge.

Sharpen Your Edge 

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Personal Excellence

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FINANCIAL• TEENS

Money Management  Teach your children these 10 tips. by Bill Dwight

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WEENS AND TEENS HAVE

deposits in non-spending accounts in the Bank of Mom and Dad. You can make the rates or matching contributions as generous as you like. Teach them the power of compound interest .

aunt) agree to make contributions to a teen’s Roth IRA. They match some percentage of the teen’s earned income. The teens often don’t make any actual contri butions themselves—at least not at first.

7. Split between spending, saving and  giving. Create a healthy balance  between

10. Help your Tween establish their  own income. Tweens will learn more by spending, saving/investing and giving. spending their limited funds, living withAgree how income will be split between in their means, not yours . They’ll learn to

money from summer  jobs and are spending it on a soda here, magazine there, and jeans at the mall. But, you can help your teen to end up with money in their savings— and teach them the important money management skills. Here are 10 tips:

these different areas and direct the funds weigh trade-offs, make choices, save into separate accounts in the Bank of  patiently, and deal with consequences of  Mom and Dad as soon as it comes in. their mistakes. Where your child gets 8. Hold a monthly money meeting. this income is up to you, but consider Review a bank statement, savings goal, these options: regular allowance, birthand budget with your child regularly as day money, payments for completed a way to maintain an ongoing, practical chores, compensation from outside jobs, 1. Make a savings plan, and track dialogue about personal finance. or earnings from a micro-business. PE  progress. Does your teen have her eye 9. Set up a “Family 401(k). If your Bill Dwight is a father of five children, former software on a big purchase? Maybe an iPad? teen just landed his or her first partexecutive, and creator of  www.FamZoo.com. Have them make an explicit savings time job, start a Family 401(k). That’s plan that includes how much she’ll save where the parents (grandparents, or rich  ACTION: Teach money management to children. each week (like 50 percent of her FINANCIAL• DECISIONS allowance and an extra $10 from weekdrive your performance. You can live a life filled with love, end babysitting) and how long it will  joy, and peace. Live a life of forgiveness take to reach the goal if she stays on track. Review progress along the way. through the truth, and nothing you can 2. Make a family loan. Instead of giv- Don’t be distracted by failure. do will separate you from the love you ing a big ticket item, like a laptop to were designed to have once you invite your teen outright, consider setting up a that truth to be a part of your life. by Timothy Hartwell long term loan with payments each Serving others in love will accelerate week coming from a percentage of his OME VOICES IN YOUR HEAD your progress. The enemy of your income. This can be an excellent way to condemn you and find future wants to make you think you teach the value of a dollar. Kids tend to you guilty of not doing enough can’t be loved or forgiven, and wants take better care of things they’re still or doing things differently . You can’t change you to focus on past failures and pains; paying for week in and week out. your past, but you can affect your future.  but if you stay distracted by the past, 3. Pay back big mistakes in installThrough many challenges, having lost you’ll never progress with life the way it ments. Has your teen driver just my father when I was 14, I’ve learned should be for you . Failing in anything received that first ticket? First fender that with a strong work ethic, we can when you made the effort is not  failure ,  bender? Huge phone overage charge? achieve the potential seeded within us.  but merely a learning experience. Your teen may not have the money to The negative messages in However, you may develpay off a big transgression right away, your mind may tell you that op certain patterns that can  but if you pay for it, keep track of the  be detrimental to achieving a  you’re not good enough, you’re a amount and have your teen pay you particular goal. Ask yourself:  failure, you’re incapable of doing  back in installments over time. Do I set unrealistic goals? Do a certain thing , and you’ll never 4. Share hidden costs. Teens often I expect too much from myself?  get out of debt , or come out of a don’t appreciate all of the hidden costs  particular situation . When you Do I try to imitate others? Do in life. If your teen is benefiting from a repeat in your mind past events, I feel isolated at social gathshared service (like a cell phone family you are distracted. If you focus erings or group meetings? plan), consider holding him responsible on negative messages or your Am I timid and afraid to take for his share or extras (like overage past failures, you will never get to your the risk? Am I afraid of success or failcharges or replacement insurance). true purpose or reach your destiny. ure? What does success mean to me? 5. Make a budget, and spend within Examine how you respond. Do you Perhaps when you tried things in it. Take some area of spending that you see opportunity for learning, improve- the past, they did not work out for you. are handling on behalf of your child ment, and success? Or, do you view Maybe you tried a business, and it (like clothing) and: 1) have your child most situations as another chance to fail ? went bankrupt. So you fear you’ll fail propose a budget and refine it as neces- Use truths in place of the perceived fact again because you focus on that which sary; 2) give your child an allowance or interpretation of events—especially is behind you, not on what is ahead. equal to the budget; 3) turn the spend-  failure . Your responses (positive) or reacDon’t ever believe you are meant for ing decisions over to your child (you tions (negative) to any situation are usu- failure or sickness, or to be stuck or may have to veto some purchases, but ally based on  your interpretation (belief) unproductive, that it is the will for try to stay out of the way); and 4) of an experience. These experiences can your life; it’s simply not true. As Zig PE require that your child stay within bud-  be seen , heard , or handed down to you, and says, You were born to win . get and deal with the consequences of  these beliefs can have a positive or negHarwell is author of  Live Your Destiny Now, the inevitable bad purchase decision. ative impact on your thinking, depend- Timothy Not Later. Visit www.destinyglobalseminars.com. 6. Create incentives for saving and ing on the interpretation . The interpretation  giving. Award interest or match their can also shape your view of life, and  ACTION: Make wise responses and decisions.

Good Decisions 

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Personal Excellence

TITLE S ERVICE• FAMILY 

Serve with Your Kids  Involve them in philanthropy in 10 ways. by Todd Patkin

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OU MAY THINK THAT THE

current generation of  kids is growing up selfish or ungrateful, and reluctant to help others. Yes, they are more me-focused , but it’s not all their fault. They aren’t being cultivated by us—their parents, teachers, mentors, and community members—to  be a very thoughtful generation. Youth aren’t inherently selfish— they  just need guidance toward a more giving-oriented path. Often kids aren’t sure how to help others and give back. So, start a service tradition early. Parents and grandparents can cultivate a desire to help others. If kids see you giving  back, they’ll learn that behavior. Here are 10 ways that you can get your children to go from selfishness to selflessness and start giving back: 1. Explain philanthropy to your kids.

Help them realize that  giving back does not just mean donating money , and that  generosity is not limited to  giving away things you no longer want . Explain the why behind charity work—why you do it, and who it helps. 2. Start early—don’t wait until your  kids are older. Children can learn empa-

thy at an early age, so look for teaching moments. Encourage children to share with one another. Find ways for children to volunteer their time at any age, year round. They can donate a portion of their holiday or birthday money to a charity, choose a toy to donate to needy children, or visit nursing home residents. 3. Make it a part of everyday life.

When it comes to giving back, there is no better time to start than now , using what you already have! You don’t need to possess unlimited time or money to get involved—you can find small, simple ways to make helping others a part of your daily routine. Philanthropy isn’t  just about making big-money donations and founding orphanages—everyday efforts can also have an incredible impact . If you’re shopping with your children, for example, buy an extra bag of pet food and drop it off at the humane society. 4. Get kids involved. The more your children become involved in philanthropy, the more they’ll be invested in what you’re doing. Let them help choose which organizations the family Personal Excellence

volunteers for or donates to. They’ll feel more connected to the cause, and even tots can be involved, even if it just means tagging along. Ask your kids to identify a problem that they want to fix. You might volunteer to organize a charity project for your child’s classroom to kick off a  giving gang—a group of peers doing charity work together. 5. Reinforce the value of a random act of kindness. Kids need to see that having a heart for others, at its core, is a way of life . Show them that helping

goes. You’re more likely to stay involved in philanthropy if you can see how your efforts are making the world a better place. To keep the memories fresh, make a scrapbook of your child’s volunteering experiences. Look for real-world philanthropic opportunities that connect to your child’s interests and activities. 8. Make it a family affair. When you give back as a family, your kids will see you as role models. You’ll grow closer to each other. Commit as a family to spend two days per month working with a charity or doing something to help others—even if that just means helping out elderly neighbors or volunteering at the church yard sale. You might also work  together to raise money for a walk, fundraiser, or other project, then walk  together on race day, or go together as a family to present the money you’ve raised. After projects or events, talk  about what you’ve done, how it made you feel, and how it helped others. Help your kids to acknowledge the accomplishment and the good feelings.

someone else and not expecting anything in return can happen anytime, anywhere. Often small everyday acts give you the biggest returns in terms of  fulfillment and happiness. Guide your 9. Help your kids to focus on how kids by pointing out opportunities for  good it feels to give back. When kids feel them to take the initiative in engaging good about something, they’ll want to do it again. In fact, that good feeling will motivate them to continue helping others. Help them to focus on how fulfilled they are when they are doing something to help others. Talk about the excitement they feel on the way to donate that box of toys, or how happy they are when they are thanked for serving food at the local soup kitchen. Talk about those experiences often to remind your chilin random acts of kindness. When dren of how wonderful they are. This shopping, encourage them to help an gets them hooked on helping! 10. Ensure that your expectations are elderly lady load her groceries, and realistic. You can’t expect your kids to then offer to return her cart. Likewise, prompt your child to hold the door for always want to donate their toys or to a woman pushing a baby stroller. Soon, sit still and pay attention through every they’ll take the initiative on their own! event or presentation. Be aware of your 6. Explain that philanthropy is not  children’s ages and capabilities. Don’t one-size-fits-all. Tailor philanthropic  become discouraged if they don’t jump work to a child’s personality and inter- at the idea of volunteering on a Saturday ests. Also, explain to your child how —persevere even if they ask to stay at home. Any good behavior takes time to different people and situations have different needs. Some might want a hot meal, cultivate. You want them to relate their while others may want someone to lisexperience as a positive one—not one in ten to their problems. Some places need which they let you down. clothes, while others benefit more from Teaching your children to be selfless, monetary donations. Help her to under- empathetic, and generous is as imporstand why it’s important to match her tant as donating your own time and talents, passions, and beliefs to these needs . money. You’ll be amazed at how 7. There’s no substitute for realrewarding it is to raise philanthropists, world experience. If your children can and how much stronger giving back  PE see where their donations are going makes your relationships. and how they’re helping others, the Todd Patkin spent 18 years helping to grow the family giving experience will be much more business and sold it to Advance Auto Parts. He is real. Consider taking a family trip to author of  Finding Happiness (StepWise Press). Visit www.findinghappinessthebook.com. visit recipient organizations so that your children can see where the money  ACTION: Involve your children in regular service. w w w . L e a d er Ex ce l. co m

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SERVICE• HONOR

Remember   Honor those who serve. by Andy Andrews

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VER THE CENTURIES , WARS

have been fought for land or women or money. Millions of people have died in battles caused by jealousy, insult, or hate. Often men have fought because a king or president or someone told them to fight. In the Civil War, when Col. Chamberlain told David Ponder why he fights for the North, he said: “This is the first time that men have fought to set another man free.” We pay tribute to these men and women, as we remember the past and pray for the future. We need to show the men and women in our armed  forces that we support them, honor them, and keep them in our hearts until they are home safe. We reflect on the many who have been lost, remembering that they died defending our country and its freedoms, protecting innocent people. I am close to the heart of our military and their families, since I often serve as the last person to address the Special Operations Squadron Commanders and their spouses before they are deployed. I tell them: “There are generations yet unborn, whose lives will be shifted and shaped by the moves you make and the actions you take.” The battles that our heroes in the armed forces are fighting in far away places change our lives. Remain humble and grateful for those who serve to protect you today. When I was growing up, the 4 th of   July, Independence Day, was uniquely celebrated with firecrackers, homemade ice cream, ribs on the grill, long summer evenings at the lake or a swimming pool, or even in our own backyard. Everything about “the Fourth” was more relaxed. Daddy cooked. Mama laughed with her friends. My grandparents were there. Families—whole neigh borhoods—would gather to re-connect. Later, when it was dark, we could hear the adults talk about the time during the war . They’d remember out loud about crackly newscasts from Europe and victory gardens and the ways folks helped each other here at home. They talked about places like Italy and France and Saipan. It all seemed dark, wet, mysterious, and far away. It’s even farther away now. My boys, Austin and Adam, eight and ten, lost their last grandparent this year. The true 14

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stories of our Greatest Generation are fading . There seems to be no time or desire for families and neighbors to gather and love and listen to each other. Our backyards are barricaded with fences, our front yards don’t welcome visitors with porches, and our old people have been silenced, taking their stories—lessons that could save our lives—to their graves.  As an amateur historian, I know how easy it is for history to be rewritten. Those with any agenda can shift and change an event to make it fit the point of their movies, books or stories. So, my wife and I are insuring that our boys grow up with a unique perspective— the unvarnished truth. Without it, how can our children make a bright future? SERVICE• WARRIORS

Young Warriors  They may be dead tomorrow. by Andy Marsh

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REMIND YOU OF THE YOUNG

men and women who are stationed around the world today on your behalf . Because of the nature of the conflicts we’re involved in, young men are being subjected to danger now. To some extent, this must be the case if  we’re to remain a free and independent people, as well as underwrite safety and stability in the world. Though, tragically, there is a young warrior alive today that will not be alive tomorrow. Next week, his name will be chiseled on a granite slab in a park in his hometown, memorializing the sacrifice he is making now. He has a proud legacy to uphold—a legacy created by those who have served before him. In Europe and the Pacific, in East, Southeast, Central, and Southwest Asia, they served as he is doing today. I can think of no better way to honor his sacrifice than to define it, recognize it, and to profile the man who is making it. This young man is 19 years old, born in 1992 and graduated from high school last spring. He was in the 3 rd grade in 2001. He played sports and loves being a member of a team. He enlisted his senior year and left after graduation to go to boot camp. He finished his training last summer and was sent to his new unit in the fall. He arrived at his station and was read the riot act by his new noncommissioned officers but enjoyed the time in a new place with all of his new friends. He spent the winter and

I urge you to take advantage of the wisdom in your midst before it is too late. In your neighborhood, find the 80-

somethings who served in the war and give your children the chance to learn from them. I want my sons to know that they can choose the way in which they live their lives and fight for that right if  they must . . . that they can choose to sacrifice time or money or life itself so that their families or others whom they might never know may prosper. I want my boys to be grounded in the examples contained in the wisdom of their grandparents. PE Andy Andrews is a speaker, and a New York Times Best-selling author of  The Traveler’s Gift and The Noticer. Visit www.AndyAndrews.com.  ACTION: Honor those who serve in the military.

spring training in the California desert. In preparation, he was taught and mentored by his leaders and was given the finest training and equipment available. After returning to his station, he went home for a week to say goodbye to his family and friends and, considering he doesn’t own a car or any furniture, he packed what little he owns into government storage. He boarded commercial airliners with the thousand other young men of his battalion and flew to Europe, then to Asia. There, he  boarded an Air Force transport plane and flew to a windswept airfield in the middle of the desert. He then boarded helicopters with the 38 other young men in his platoon and landed in a dusty field next to the mudwalled compound where he has lived since. He has hiked hundreds of miles and endured the physical challenge of  his young lifetime. He spent today patrolling and is tired. He’ll be replacing his buddy on watch shortly and is checking his equipment in Afghanistan and taking his post. Pray for him. Pray for this young  warrior tonight, as he does our bidding  at the far side of the world. Pray that

he will have the strength to do his duty and, should the unthinkable happen, to  bravely go to God, comforted by the knowledge of our love for him and nobleness of his cause. Pray for his family, that they will find solace until they join him again in the life to come. And finally, let us pray for ourselves. Pray that we be given the strength to lead lives worthy of the sacrifice this PE young man is making for us. Andy Marsh is a Captain in the U.S. Marine Corps. This article is adapted from his speech at Memorial Day Parade. Provided by Vital Speeches of the Day.  ACTION: Live worthy of the sacrifice of soldiers.

Personal Excellence

Physical Mental

Service

Career

Character

Social

Financial

GOAL GETTERS

I encourage you to volunteer your One act of community service. It’s doesn’t take much time service can spark thouor effort to start a movement. It sands more. Don’t tell me happened to me, and it can happen that one person can’t make a differ- to you. Give it a shot. Community ence. I know better. As a communi- service is its own reward. —Lisa Sellman, author, dreamcatcherpress.us ty activist and lifelong volunteer, I recently learned how one act of  Everyone has individual kindness can set off a chain reaction  goals, but only about 3 that can span the globe . It started  percent have a well-balwith me asking a pet food compaanced goals program. An ny for a donation of dog food for Red Lake Rosie’s in Minnesota, individual goal could be something since I’m a professional dog trainer as simple as getting to work on and owner of a pet care business. I time or losing 10 pounds. A goals called Solid Gold Northland (SGL), program is a different matter. One and a marketing manager said that reason why people do not have a they were trying to increase the goals program is an unrealistic or number of people who liked them imagined fear that causes them to on Facebook, and that if I could get  believe that their efforts will pro40 new Facebook members to click  duce failure, so it is safer not to try . on their like button, they’d give me This fear, based on false assump$200 worth of pet food. tions , prevents most people from Since I volunteer for six differsetting realistic but worthwhile ent community groups, I sent a goals. They don’t see that failure is message to all my Facebook friends an event, not a person . Admittedly, inviting them to SGL’s fan page on there’s risk in setting goals because Facebook. Somehow. The invite you might not reach them, but there’s made it to the Facebook page of  infinitely more danger in not setting The Patrick Miracle, a page devotthem. Obstacles are the things you ed to the story of a two-year-old pit see when you either don’t set goals  bull found by a janitor in a dumpor take your eyes off your goals. ster. Their Facebook page has Also, if you have a poor selfcharted over 109,000 “like” clicks image, you see yourself as either from users. When the founders of  incapable or undeserving of accomthe page posted my invite, SGL plishing great or worthwhile things received more than 2,000 new fans in your life. The image or picture worldwide in just 48 hours. you have of yourself dramatically When I contacted them the next influences your behavior. week, they were blown away by As the 10th of 12 children raised how quickly the response took off.  by a widowed mother in a small As a result of the combined outtown in Mississippi during the reach, SGL and Chuck and Don’s Depression, I thought of myself as Pet Food Outlet have committed a a little guy (small for my age) from donation of $2,000 worth of pet a little town who would struggle all food, and I’ve helped to forge new of his life. I also saw myself as friends who care about the same  being mediocre as a student. It things. And it all started with a wasn’t until I was in college, taking simple posting on Facebook  a course from a professor who was  because I wanted to help a local a friend of the family, that I made a animal shelter. It’s been magical. serious effort to excel. I spent extra Although I work hard in my time studying and made an “A” in volunteer activities, I love serving the subject. That convinced me that my community. The people who I I could compete with other students. serve with all share my values and I saw myself in a positive light. world view, and they are my When you see yourself in a favorable friends and my family. The people light, you perform better. With a and the activities fill my life with healthy self-image (not an inflated fun, joy, and a purpose I could ego) you set more ambitious goals. never have achieved any other way. —Zig Ziglar, www.zigziglar.com

Personal COACH Create Your Future

What can one person do? 

Personal Excellence

Engage in six key conversations. by Peter Block

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O TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE , YOU NEED TO BE OPEN

to an alternative future and engage in six conversations that are aimed at building accountability, commitment, and community. To open yourself to an alternative future, start with the invitation conversation . Sequence isn’t critical. However, some conversations are more difficult than others, especially when you are just beginning to engage with one another. Certain conversations are highrisk and require a greater level of trust among people than others to have meaning, so start with less-demanding ones. • Invitation conversation. Transformation occurs through choice, not mandate. Invitation is the call to create an alternative future. What is the invitation you can make to participate and own the relationships, tasks, and process that lead to success? • Possibility conversation. This focuses on what you want your future to be, as opposed to problem-solving the past. It frees you to innovate, challenge the status quo, break new ground, and create new futures. • Ownership conversation. This conversation focuses on whose task is this? It asks: How have I contributed to creating current reality? Confusion, blame, and waiting for someone else to change are a defense against ownership and personal power. • Dissent conversation. This gives you the space to say no. If you can’t say no , your yes has no meaning. Give yourself a chance to express doubts and reservations, as a way of  clarifying your roles, needs and yearnings within your vision and mission. Genuine commitment begins with doubt, and no is an expression of finding your space and role. • Commitment conversation. This conversation is about making promises to others about your contribution to the success. It asks: What promise am I willing to make? And, what price am I willing to pay for success? It is a promise for the sake of a larger purpose, not for personal return. • Gifts conversation. Rather than focus on deficiencies and weaknesses, focus on the gifts and assets you bring and capitalize on those to make the best and highest contribution. Connect with your core gifts that can make the difference and change lives. These six conversations are vital to take PE responsibility for shaping the future. Peter Block is author of  Community: The Structure of Belonging , (Berrett-Koehler). Visit www.designedlearning.com.

 ACTION: Engage in these six conversations.

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I N S P I R A T I O N A L• S O U L

Soul Solution  Find peace and joy. by Jonathan Parker

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O YOU HAVE A SOUL? IF SO , can you find it and connect with it, since connecting with your soul leads to deep peace and true happiness? Everything is in a state of motion, evolving into another state. You arrived at where you are now via a process that will continue unfolding, expanding, and revealing continuous levels of experience well into the future.

Your soul already has all the qualities that you could desire. By connecting

with your soul, you can bring these qualities into everyday experience, while dissolving everything that you don’t want . What interferes with experiencing your soul are the many filters through which you experience life. Usually you think you are an accumulation of all your perceptions, conclusions, beliefs, reactions, memories, ideas, and all the roles you’ve played utilizing your talents and skills. These comprise your  personality — an overlay that masks your soul which lies beneath it all. And yet these overlays or identities are so compelling that you convince yourself they are who you are , and you lose touch with your deeper reality . In a true sense, you are already connected with your soul , and you can often know and feel the connection when you’re attracted to whatever is beautiful, profound, creative, loving, peaceful, and fulfilling, whether through people, activities or nature. You also see the soul reflected in the relentless pursuit of perfection often found in scientists, musicians, artists, athletes, authors, actors, and all others who seek to attain to a higher potential.

A Soul Meditation You can begin the journey to your soul through a meditation. Start with a com-

fortable deep breath in through your nose, and imagine you’re also breathing in golden light through the top of your head. As you exhale feel yourself relaxing and absorbing the peace and light into every muscle, organ, and nerve— from the top of your head down to the tips of your toes. Breathe in light into every cell. Do this for one minute. Read the following verse slowly. Say to your heart, I send you all the love of my soul. Say to your body, I embrace you with all the love of my heart and soul . Invite the soul’s love to merge into every muscle and nerve, and fill every 16

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cell, and allow this love to become part of every molecule of your being. Sense the relaxation and healing glow in your  body and feel it spreading a radiant love. If disturbances, distractions, or issues are on your mind, say to yourself, I ask the light of my soul to fill all my thoughts and feelings about these situations. I send all my thoughts, memories, and feelings the  pure light and blessings of my soul . A relaxed quality emerges as you welcome the peaceful soul presence. Say to yourself: I allow the source of love to embrace my heart. I place my heart in the  presence of my enlightened soul so that all may be healed . These statements are like prayers and intentions—requests of the deepest core of your soul where all goodness dwells. Allow yourself to deepen into the feelings of receiving the love , I N S P I R A T I O N A L• G I V I N G

Giver or Taker?  Blend the two to prosper. by Joe Scott

L

IFE WOULD BE EASIER IF WE

all recognized there are only three kinds of people in the world— givers , takers , and people who  possess qualities of both (having a mixture of  positive and negative energies). Knowing how those energies work with others and in yourself can make your life much easier. I’ve placed the qualities that make up those energies into a simple graphic tool—The Joe Dial —that measures them and gives you a starting place. Here are my definitions of  the three kinds of people: • Givers. These people are typically honest and sincere and have a driving concern for the world and everyone in it. Givers feel responsible to treat everyone with dignity and respect. They see it as their duty to leave the world in better shape than they found it. The danger for givers is that they tend to be easily taken advantage of by takers. Givers often fail to assess a situation to ensure their best interests are being protected. They don’t understand the taking mentality, nor realize there is a whole class of people out there eager to take everything they are willing to give—and more. • Takers. Keep in mind that taking in and of itself is not a bad thing. We must all have a bit of  taker in all of us if only to afford others the opportunity to be  givers. Moreover, takers are not necessarily bad people. They’ve simply been

light , and healing that lives in your heart. Drink in the soul’s qualities and say, Yes with thanksgiving. Say, Yes to receiving peace, love, and healing, and ask  them to deepen within you: I ask the presence of my soul to deepen in my awareness. I acknowledge the radiance of the soul all around and through me . Express gratitude. The soul has a wonderful lightness, purity, and softness. Any issues that seemed strong and dominant are now held much more softly; feelings of lightness and spaciousness replace struggle. The more time you spend deepening your soul connection, the more you’ll PE feel its qualities and gifts.  Jonathan Parker is founder of Quantum Quests Intl., a spiritual counselor, and author of  The Soul Solution (New World Library). Visit www.JonathanParker.org.  ACTION: Connect often with your soul.

raised to be takers  by having been given too much as they were growing up. For instance, a fourth generation welfare recipient has no other model but taking. Pure takers’ entire orientation in life is one of receiving, of trying to maximize the gain in every situation. A taker operates out of a position of fear, always assuming there won’t be enough to go around, always strategizing so he or she gets his or her share—and more. • Taker-Givers (T&Gs). These folks strike a balance between taking and giving, and have a developed set of  instincts about when to give and when to take. As a rule, they don’t want to take advantage of anyone, nor be taken advantage of by takers. Courtesy is  both extended and expected in return. They let you pay for lunch one day but insist on paying the next time. They can both lend help and ask for help. They listen and talk in roughly the same measure. They carry their weight on a team, but don’t allow themselves to be used. They’re not excessive with either lending or borrowing. They clean up their messes. About 70 percent of us fall into the T&G category to some extent, with the other 30 percent split evenly between givers and takers. By practicing the principles of giving and taking in equal measure, you can revolutionize your life and work—no matter what position you may have. The positivity will ripple outward, changing you and the PE people around you.  Joe Scott is an entrepreneur who become a successful contractor and real estate developer, and author of  The  Joe Dial. Visit www.friendesha.com.  ACTION: Wisely blend giving and taking.

Personal Excellence

 

        

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  

  

 

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 

       

 

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