Fun League Digest Season 14, Issue 1
Welcome Hello and welcome to the Fun League Digest, your regular round-up of the season’s goings on at Fun League. Well, I say regular, the odds are that this will make an appearance once in a blue moon (if not more infrequently). Herein you will find match reports and news from our coaches as well as a weekly roundup of scores and standings. Anyway, enough blathering from me, and on with the show! VALIS.
Contents Match Reports (booncabal76, Avari)
3
Feature (Gallus)
4
Results
7
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Fun League Digest Season 14, Issue 1
MATCH REPORTS Heralds of Change v Bubonic Mischief By booncabal76 Storm clouds gathered over Jape Under-Stadium where Bubonic Mischief welcomed one of Fun League’s alumni, the Heralds of Change. Confidence was high that the weakened Heralds, bereft of tacklers, would struggle against their dodgy opponents. Confidence was misplaced. A strong Heralds start saw a typical long pass converted into an early score for a 1-0 lead as the Underworld team were gob-handled with relative ease. Dribblesnot had agreed to play for Mischief and he managed his usual interception and a few harmless bombs. In exchange for a sack of halfling cocks, the Ref looked away as he took the field for a second time, but he was swiftly removed by angry Heralds who were concerned his bombs would cause epileptic fits. Both sides were undamaged and on the ensuing kick off the Herald’s experience saw them blitz whilst the ball was still in mid air! The mischievous goblins have overloaded the wrong side and the ball was exposed. A melee began with the Heralds dominant once more and it was 2-0. A last second surge by the Mischief looked to pull them 1 back, but Dominor the leaping super strong nasty cunt, leapt into the cage and killed Campion thus saving the score. Luckily Campion’s personal apothecary, Dr Helmut Splodge, was able to bring him back. 2-0 at the half but surprisingly little blood. The second half was very different. Blit Strummer, the star rat blitzer, was keen to make a long claw mark and in the second half he took out Dominor and Occulon, both now miss next week. He also flattened some goat twat. Unfortunately, although a gobo did catch a long pass for a score and a 2-1 game, the Heralds survived a scare with more supreme blocking to save the tying score and whittle down the goblin players. It ended 3-1 to the Heralds with both sides fielding only a handful of players in a very fun game from the start. A deserved win for Thrice. Nuffle-Rating 60% - Pissing in my mouth – could not block or dodge for shit. 25% - Shitting in Thrices – could not stop suffering serious injuries. 15% - Strumming Her pain into both our faces.
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Fun League Digest Season 14, Issue 1
Avari Ambush UnUnited v Tyrell Corporation By Avari A successful return to the pitch for the Avari Ambush after a thrilling 2-1 victory over Tyrell Corporation in a battle of big time Dark Elf teams. Khan the Devil silenced his critics who say he has lost a step and emerged as before as the UnUnited's top offensive weapon. Khan fielded a deep opening kickoff and tossed a money 10 yard strike to Felipe, the Prince of Darkness. Felipe drove his entourage up the middle for a quick first TOUCHDOWN of the season. Ambush 1-0. Tyrell Corporation quickly ran into trouble down the left flank on the first possession. They were blitzed off the pitch, but a Tyrell Corp fanatic threw the prettiest pass of the day, straight to a Corp member, averting any disaster before halftime. The Corporation flexed their Dark Elf muscle on the next drive, using a dump off and blitz through traffic to answer with a TOUCHDOWN to tie the game. 1-1 Former cheerleader Tekno Danzer got the ball on and dodged in an out of trouble a few times before finally getting nailed by a game saving blitz into cage by Tyrell star lineman Wee- Man. Wee-Man had been quiet most of the game but not only did he blitz into the cage, he came away with the ball! It took 4 Ambush players to knock him out of bounds, this time the ball ended up right smack in the middle of the scrum. But Khan the Devil made the play of the game, taking a handoff and leaping over the crowd and into the endzone for the game winning TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!! Ambush 2-1 *** Game uploaded, thanks to James for a thrilling game. James said: No problem I think that sums up the match pretty well your last TD was pretty special should got Wee-man more involved rather putting him on line on Scrimmage to start. Great game full of Dark Elf Ag play and vicious violence.
Magic Helmet Cam – YOU’RE IN THE GAME! What follows is a new form of match reporting brought to you by the Fun League Digest – “MAGIC HELMET CAM” . This periodical is taking sports reporting to the next level using state of the art magics we are able to follow the course of a game from a single players perspective, you feel what they feel, you think what they think, you share in their joys and triumphs, their pain and misery. The magic scroll within this issue of the Fun League Express will literally take you into the game! (please note the publisher takes no responsibility for any psychological damage caused by the mind mimic scroll, by using the scroll you as a -4-
Fun League Digest Season 14, Issue 1
reader agree to the rather serious risks inherent in these magics, don’t come crying to us if your brain bleeds out of your ears.) ” MAGIC HELMET CAM – YOU’RE IN THE GAME! ” Cillit BANG!(tm*) -vs.- Bilbali Banana Bunch [YOU GAZE UPON THE SCROLL AND ARE TRANSPLANTED MENTALLY INTO THE HEAD OF THE BILBALI BUNCH'S MAIN THROWER "FINGERS BANAN"] “Oh God, oh God” you think, “the bosses have my mum in a sack if I don’t do something this game then she’ll get devoured by that new Ogre “Borgrut-Maneater” and then they’ll send me to the docks where a horrendous accident will no doubt befall me. I must show them I can play this mad game but my throwing has been well-off lately I don’t know how I’m gonna survive this, and my poor old mum”. You look around, the Crowd are in a frenzy, the noise is deafening, the rest of your teammates are lining up and the opposition have arrived! “Eeek These Orc boys look big and Mean, RIGHT! It’s up to me I have to take the kick-off, I’ll send it right up the Back, give us a chance against these Orcs” You take a run up and boot the ball skyward, you watch as the ball flies through the air.. lands short and bounces straight into the hands of an Orc. “NO NO NO” you scream “mother dear what is to befall us! This can’t be happening” you prepare for the blood and tears as the Orcs surge toward your defensive line. You watch as your teammate lineman Musa sticks the boot in a fallen Orc but then…. TWEEEET you hear the refs whistle and Musa is told to leave the pitch. “a player down already! SHIT! Wait there’s Basho he’ll make ‘em hurt, NOOOO!” you scream as Basho your teams best deliverer of injuries is KO’d by Grime ‘n’ Lime. “two guys down now we are royally screwed.. sorry mum I love you. Ooh look there’s that Barry Scott, I wonder if I can get his autograph, ahh Gros Michel is having a word with him.. Ouch! Gros has KO’d the little legend, oh well… BANG! the Barry's gone! Fricken Hell Look at Bender go, that guys a blood bowl machine! Not bad for a lineman eh! He’s taken the Orc with the ball down and got it himself.. YES!” you run towards Bender desperate to lend a hand and look good under the watchful gaze of Gallus your coach. But by the time you get there Crom one of your Blitzers is badly hurt by Bakedon Grease “Jesus Crom, We wont see you again this game. HEY! BENDER! WATCH OUT FOR… sheeee-it bloody Grime ‘n’ Lime pushed our man Bender straight off the pitch, where the fuck is the ball, where the fuck is the ball, the crowd are throwing it back on from the sidelines, Oh No! it’s heading for our Endzone.. no wait it’s gone straight into the crowd there, fuck where are they chucking it now! BASTARDS! Straight back at Grime ‘n’ Limes feet. They think that is funny, How would they like it out here with your poor mother in a sack.” you see Easy off Bam the Orc run in and pick up the ball only for you to turn back and.. “Fuck Fuck Fuck! Where did these guys come from, Fuck two of them on me! I cant shake ‘em. HERE THEY COME!” Food Splatter pummels you in the chest and you go down “BASTARRRRRDS!” in your fury you grab his ears and wrench him down with you. “Fuck! Ow ow ow. What's happening? I cant see, I cant see. Wait here comes Borgrut Man-eater. Ow he’s taken on Ground ‘n’ Dirt and used his name as an instruction, wow he’s totally KO’d. Shit Borgruts coming this way maybe he’s gonna eat ME!” “What’s going on now” you think as you struggle to your feet ” good lad Chiquita he’s pushing that orc with the ball back. FUCK! Grime ‘n’ Limes pushing Chiquita out the way. WATCH OUT! STOP HIM! STOP HIM!” you yell as Easy off Bam legs it towards the endzone, “he’s too far ahead I can’t catch him! Noooooooo! He’s scored bloody Orcs” 1-0 to Cillit Bang. “Thank Nuffle we have plenty of subs we have only 2 plays to try and score back before half time. Right I’ll get ready in case they try to kick deep he others can…. Wadda Fuck there blitzing us. Not ready. Not ready. Shit!” You are in disarray as the Orcs catch your team sleeping “What! The ball has gone straight into Borgrut the Ogres hands. Oh well they will have a difficult job getting it off him, GO ON BIG GUY!… SHIT! He’s on his ass right away fuck, where's the ball now? Fuck me sideways a fucking Orc has it again.” There is movement to your right and you spin to see Orc Blitzer Grime ‘n’ Lime Running for your Endzone looking back, ready for a pass “NO! NO! NO!” you scream “PLANTAIN! WITH ME!” You and your fellow thrower desperately run for the Orc “All right fucker! Mum this one’s for you.” You push him back towards the -5-
Fun League Digest Season 14, Issue 1
sidelines the hear “Look out Fingers!” you see Food Splatters running like an Orc possessed ” Stay calm Fingers!” you tell yourself ” Stay on target stay on target” You focus on the scoring threat that is Grime ‘n’ Lime and, just as Food Splatters falls as he goes for it to take you down, you with the aid of Plantain shove Grime ‘n’ Lime straight off the pitch and into the hands of the blood frenzied fans. “YEAH! Take that Grimy!” TWEEEET ” Thank Fuck, Half time! They can’t be too mad at me I stopped that Orc and he coulda scored maybes. We get to receive again in the second half. I’ll show them then for sure, for sure” [SECOND HALF] After being allowed to see your sack bound mother in the half time break you are fired up to prove your worth. “COME ON YOU FUCKING ORCS! LETS HAVE IIIIIIIIT” you scream ready to respond to their kick. The Ball drops near Plantain who picks it up and runs into a caged group of your teammates “Good lad plantain, I must stay with him, go go go” the fear rises as you run covering Plantains Leftside rear there are Orcs all around you now, “Fuck, this is gonna hurt” you realise as you put yourself between Plantain and the Opposition. “Fuck our catcher Split is fast, look at him go he’s almost at their Endzone! Shit look out for.. fucking orcs! Split’s down. Shit were getting battered here and the cage isn’t moving anywhere, thank fuck for Bender though he’s holding off those two Blitzers all by himself.. fuck, and again, and again, that guy just wont quit. GO BENDER! Look Splits up and away again, good lad, SHIT no he’s been knocked back down. What the fuck are we gonna do we’re not going anywhere?” TWEEEEET ” Nuffles sake! What now? Blood Peel’s been sent off now. Who the fuck are we gonna throw to?” Suddenly a magical red haze surrounds the entire Cillit Bang Team and they become renewed all their blocks now are mighty blows indeed “whadda fuck is that shit about, we are in deep grime now! PLANTAINNNNNNNNN! Shit he’s down, where the fuck is the ball again, this is crazy! Wait there it is behind that Hulking Black Orc how the fuck are we supposed to get to that? Sweet Nuffle! GO BENDER GO! Clunge on a stick! Benders totally taken him down Shit still an Orc in the way! Gros Michel you bloody LEGEND! No one in the way now” you run as fast as you can ducking and diving “fuck fuck fuck, I’ve got the Ball! No one to pass to, Splits still on the ground! No choice! Gotta keep running. Don't look back. Don’t look back. Shit there’s half the pitch to go and I’m totally on my own, shitshitshit, keep running keep running, Arghhh I can hear them right behind me! Don’t look back! RUNRUNRUNRUN.” TWEEEEEET! TOUCHDOWN “I SCORED! I SCORED! YESSSSSSSSSSS….. MUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMYYYYYYY” in elation you run back to set up for the remaining two plays of the match “right stay focused there gonna be sending everything they’ve got at you, fuck, yup here they come they’ve got the ball he’s chucked it, HA HA HA, it’s totally bounced of that Orc’s head, where the fuck has it gone I can’t see the ball, where the fuck does that lineman of ours, Bundles, think he is running to. GET BACK HERE AND DEFEND! Wait sheee-it he’s got the dam BALL! Wait, oh no he’s down, the balls loose, not much time now the refs looking at his timepiece. Fuck that little gobbo shit Rusty has got the ball he’s going for a huge throw, no way, no way, ahhhh ha ha ha ha he’s totally dropped at his own feet, thank Nuffle.” TWEEEEEEEEET “Well fuck me and call me fruity! A draw, no win but at least I scored” You look to the sidelines and see your dear old mother no longer in a sack, smiling and waving. “Wadda Crazy game” [THE SCROLLS MAGIC FADES AND YOU ARE RETURNED TO YOUR OWN MINDS] Hope you enjoyed that sports fans, this “Magic Helmet Cam” was brought to you by the kind folks of the “Fun League Digest” We will of course keep you informed of the ongoing trials and tribulations of your favourite teams, and remember… ” MAGIC HELMET CAM – YOU’RE IN THE GAME! “
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Fun League Digest Season 14, Issue 1
RESULTS Week 1: Orcs Hall Conference Apothecary Now (nearly) Hell, Horns & Hoof (kpjuul) [FL] Khorne Foo Fighters (Weljamir) North Belfast Hard Men (Dr Strangeglove) Scale Males (Haugster)
0-3 0-2 0-2 2-1 0-0
Knights of Hell (Jakala) Green Watch (Chazer) Dragonback (ShinyJ) The Hapless Losers (Beefburger) Crimson Eclipse (Overseer Lee)
Coach’s Comments.... Apothecary Now (nearly) 0-3 Knights of Hell (Jakala) A horror game if you are elves 3-0 to the knights and at the end of the match, there were only 3 elves left on the field. A lot of cas. and 2 inter. A perfect start for the knights of hell
(Jakala)
Hell, Horns & Hoof (kpjuul) 0-2 Green Watch (Chazer) 2-0 for the Watch. Watch received. After an early CAS and a KO the Watch was able to dominate the Brawl - but the HHH was able to sack the ball carrier a few times due to the light screening as I concentrated on keeping the opposition on the floor as much as possible and let him use RR as much as possible. In the end I could score to 1-0 and go into 2nd half 11 to 9 after roll ins. That helped a lot to dominate the 2nd half and I was able to steal the ball after HHH had used all their RR and I had pushed a few players out of the way. The final Kick-off was perfect with the ball landing in the corner of the endzone and a pitch invasion in my favour. I lacked the concentration to get the 3rd goal as I chose to take some bad chances blocking with my skill less DP which resulted in a Turnover where I had not moved the players into position for the turn 16 score. Thus I had to try with a AG 3 man and no RR - not successful. All in all a match where I got the good end of Nuffles stick and KP got it up his behind so to say, That resulted in no serious INJ to my team and only a few miss next for him. If you like chaotic play - watch the replay GG and thanks for the game mate. (I thought I had a lot of +ST but your team is just absurd, I am sure it will go far when developed at 2500+ TV I guess (Chazer)
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Fun League Digest Season 14, Issue 1
Week 1: New Worlde Football Conference Army of Moist Quife (MasterQuife) Avari Ambush UnUnited (Avari) Lucky Scales (Og the Beautiful) Pilates Pirates (Geryon) Horns a-Plenty (BubbaDave) Gerald’s Cavalcade (nobby) Bone Seers (DwayneJ) Green Griffons (Peaker)
1-3 2-1 1-0 4-1 1-0 4-0 1-1 P-P
Topi di Campagna (angior) Tyrell Corporation (James303) Canadians Returned! (doohickey) Derp Derpity Doo (michaels) After Dark Party (CharzHeidi) The Darkest Hour (Sybaris) Xeno Xantho Xanadu (Falx) Razor Sharp Leaves (RAVEN_9999)
Coach’s Comments.... Army of Moist Quife 1-3 Topi di Campagna The difference of team level was too much for the newly formed team of undead, but they behaved very well managing to score with the hired Star Player Count Luther and managing to level up one of their mummy. No permanent injuries on either side and some good levelling for the skavens too. GG Quife...good luck with the rest of the season. (angior) Lucky Scales (Og the Beautiful) 1-0 Canadians Returned! (doohickey) Nice close game with some great pratfalls. *Turn Eight - Level 6 Skink fails go for it to go up 1-0 and dies - apoth fails as well. *Later - Canadian Wolfie tries to hit a skink - triple skulls with no rerolls. Great game and a lot of fun. (Og) Nuffle was a fickle soul in this game, with lots of weird occurrences! Overall it was a resounding success for the Canadians as no one was maimed, plus we managed to get more than 5 spps. After the Lucky Scales went up 1-0 in turn 15, the Canadians had a chance to even it up with a quick TD, but it was not to be as a hero 1St Skink brought down a blitzing FG with triple reds! Entertaining all around, thanks for the game Og! (doohickey) Pilates Pirates (Geryon) 4 - 1 Derp Derpity Doo (michaels) High TV difference a side this game was decided with favorable rolls going the Pirates way. Derp's Troll was non-existent constantly picking his nose. Dribblesnot decided to throw an interception with his bomb toss on the first turn and then on the second fumble it and explode himself. Thanks for the game Michaels, hope the Derps have better luck next game. By the way Dribblesnot adds quite a different spin on the typical bashy Orc team. Learned an option I haven't considered playing with Orcs. (Geryon) -8-
Fun League Digest Season 14, Issue 1
Horns a-Plenty (BubbaDave) 1 - 0 After Dark Party (CharzHeidi) A festival of snake eyes and double skulls for both teams. Flugel was very quiet, inflicting only a single casualty, while the Undead killed Matter and Saddle (who was cured by the apothecary). An ill-advised stall by the Horns left the score 0-0 at the half, and it took a pass from French to Hunting, who dodged away and pushed some extra speed out of his hooves for the the final desparate scoring chance as time expired. Good game, Charz, and hopefully we've both gotten that Nuffle love out of our systems.... (BubbaDave) Here's hoping Bubba =D. good game though, was very interesting XD (CharzHeidi)
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Fun League Digest Season 14, Issue 1
Week 1: FungusLiga North Under Control R12 (RS2000EDS) The Heralds of Change (The Thricedarned) Stake Suckers (Ted the BB-Champion) Hells Pit Darkbrood (telfordirving) Speed Freaks (remix) (Furq) Moviemento 5 Squassaterre (Giorss)
1-1 3-1 2-2 2-0 2-1 0-3
Imperial Remnants (Weljamir) Bubonic Mischief (Booncabal76) Da Bell Enz (Hearn) Dead Aard (Wilgut Spleens) Dust N Bones (Scaurus2000) Frozen Waste Slayers (Fatboy)
Coach’s Comments.... Moviemento 5 Squassaterre (Giorss) 0-3 Frozen Waste Slayers (Fatboy) A good 1st half with a slow drive up field and apart from a slip up allowing a blitz on the ball carrier it was a controlled 8 turns. The 2nd half from turn 10 was one way after Gioss just end turned after a 2nd pitch invasion. To rub salt into the wounds with my fans killing his Claw dwarf from surfing him, he also got the mvp Tks for game Giorss and hope it gets better from now on (Fatboy) Hells Pit Darkbrood (telfordirving) 2-0 Dead Aard (Wilgut Spleens) Turns out that tackle/mighty blow is not THAT effective against dodge Av7.... who'd guessed? The undead stumbled out the blocks and set up a wall of rotting flesh which star ghoul, Goryblud (or something) cowered behind.... the rats hesitated (so much so that Spleens thought I may have DC'd!!), and did.... nothing. Which turned out to be the best course of action. Boris The Mummy made a REAL mess of his block and the turnover left a gaping hole (?) and the rats stormed Goryblud (is that his name?) gathered the ball and were 1-0 up. Dead Aard made a break for an equaliser as half time approached... but a lightning bolt to the ass soon put paid to that. 2nd half and the rats made a break up the left flank, which was shut down in no uncertain terms. So The Darkbrood did what ratmen do best, they ran for it.... Two Gutter Runners made it within 4 paces of the endzone, great field position! Unfortunately they were surrounded by 6 stinky dead men. A two dice uphill block made a bit of (lucky) space and they were off and 2-0 up. The vital rolls went against Spleens and for me. On another day he'd have cleared me from the field.... but..... he didn't and I won 2-0. (telfordirving) Speed Freaks (remix) (Furq) 2-1 Dust N Bones (Scaurus2000) A tight match. The wizard did good , breaking DnBs cage (T1) thus allowing the Freaks to get in a take down the ball carrier. They even, briefly got their hands on the ball, but the main benefit was disrupting the offensive drive. The Freaks were then able to continually harass DnB, giving nearly as good as they got in bashing. After continual pressure on the ball carrier, the Freaks finally managed to work a 2D hit (after a skeleton caused a TO after knocking himself down), which allowed them to make a break for a defensive score. DnB took their revenge with numerous KO's from various blocks and fouls, which forced the Freaks to score (T7) without stalling. - 10 -
Fun League Digest Season 14, Issue 1
Thankfully most of the Freaks returned for the second half. DnB turned out to be rather good at harassing the ball carrier themselves. Halcyon was twice sacked, but thankfully was able to dust herself off both times to grab the ball, before throwing a long pass to setup the second score. The Freaks numbers had started to dwindle before DnBs next drive, and with an out of bounds kick being handed to a TG they didn't really want to overexert themselves to stop a consolation score. They made a couple of attempts to work a 1 or 2 D hit on the AV8 ball carrying TG, but he was too well protected and managed a double GFI for a T16 score. Thanks for the match Scaurus. (furq)
Week 1: FungusLiga East Kaizers Kretins (Sneak) Nightmares On Wax (KillerPeach) The Profanisaurus (The Dancing Pikey) RZMNARmHAZZARBGRa (Selfy_74) Halfland Fling (Cerumol) Devil)
2-0 P-P P-P 2-0 1-1
Balatro's Dead End (Balatro) Thrash Death Cult (James303) The Loughtan Razorhorns (Polidori) Wiccan Athletic (VALIS) Dopplekhorne Behemoths (Tasmanian
Coach’s Comments.... RZMNARmHAZZARBGRa (Selfy_74) 2-0 Wiccan Athletic (VALIS) I absolutely fucked VALIS in the arse. For the first time in recorded history I ended the game with more rerolls than I started with. I didn't use one in the entire game. Val was like a rabbit caught in the dice headlights. It was pitiful to watch. (Selfy_74) At least I got all my bad dice rolls for the season out of the way in a single match.
(VALIS)
On another note, my flesh golem called General Spleens fractured his fucking leg last night in a block by a skaven stormvermin. Not impressed, I tell you. (Selfy_74)
Week 1: Sh’Elf Karak al Killers (Dark_Angel) Dorfs of Doom (Zippy) The Pottsburgh Peelers (DancingDuck) Ale Munchers (pupkinus)
2-1 1-2 2-2 0-2
Mordheim Mayhem (DaImp) The Freaking FCC (nobby) Black Market Traderz (Chiefjudge) Midnight Fighters (CharzHeidi)
Coach’s Comments.... Karak al Killers (Dark_Angel) 2-1 Mordheim Mayhem (DaImp) - 11 -
Fun League Digest Season 14, Issue 1
The mighty Mordheim Mayhem decided that squabbling amongst themselves and having a skaven thrower who forgot to attach his arm for the game would be more appropriate than bothering to pay any attention to their opponents. Meaning the Karak al Killers marched to an easy 2-1 win. A single Goblin died in the game (well so did the troll actually but he regenerated) meaning the fans had a some blood to cheer but it seems they were not satisfied with this so they rioted and tossed a few rocks to keep themselves amused. All said and done everyone had a good time. Other than the dead goblin that is but who really cares about goblins anyhow? (DaImp) Ale Munchers (pupkinus) 0-2 Midnight Fighters (CharzHeidi) Game against pupkinus finished 2-0. My Necro team still on good form and with missing a werewolf on that game too. My FG made a casual dodge but not into a TZ for a change. Was a good time fouling however would like to say sorry for the last one which killed a player and the apothecary changed it to a smashed ankle. Good start to the season, next week back with my full team =D (CharzHeidi) The Pottsburgh Peelers (DancingDuck) 2-2 Black Market Traderz (Chiefjudge) Fun game to start of the season, the flings had brought in the mighty morg but even if he didn’t do spectacular he did stand in the way a lot too =) flings was flying left and right due to blocks and injury but also to TTM both fling td was ttm,they flew great Thx for game duck, and good luck the season. (Chiefjudge) I would just like to point out that Chiefy showed excellent sportsmanship, by not stalling his last TD, enabling me to secure a draw. Great sport Chiefy! (DancingDuck)
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