Entropy-Conversation Demolitions v1

Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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Copyright © Mark Manson, 2009. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical or electronic, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Requests for permission for or further information on usage of this document should be addressed to: [email protected].

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Contents Introduction..................................................................................................................................... 4 Girls Aren’t Stupid (Instant Message) ............................................................................................. 6 The San Diego Zoo (Online) ........................................................................................................... 10 Day Game at Work (In Person)...................................................................................................... 18 Flaked on by a Bartender (Text) .................................................................................................... 21 The Power of Direct Game (Text).................................................................................................. 23 Politically Correct (Text) ................................................................................................................ 27 Girls Aren’t Stupid, Pt. 2 (Text)...................................................................................................... 29 How to Lose a Girl in 20 Minutes (Instant Message) .................................................................... 31 She Just Wants to Get Laid (Online) .............................................................................................. 34 Fall into the Gap (Instant Message) .............................................................................................. 44 Girls Aren’t Stupid, Pt. 3 (Text)...................................................................................................... 46 Facebook Cold Approach (Online) ................................................................................................ 48 When Negging Goes Wrong (Online) ............................................................................................ 51 Dancing Monkey (Text) ................................................................................................................. 54 Text Game to Nowhere (Text)....................................................................................................... 56 There is Such a Thing as “Too Funny” (Online) ............................................................................. 58 Flirting with Girl at Work (Online) ................................................................................................. 63 Dealing with Sass (Text) ................................................................................................................ 67 Foreign Girl (Text).......................................................................................................................... 79 Entropy: High Octane Attraction (In Person) ................................................................................ 83 Entropy: Yes, I am an Asshole. And? (Phone) ............................................................................... 88


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Introduction

In what has probably been over a hundred articles I’ve written on picking up women and dating over the years, of the literally thousands and thousands of words I’ve typed, nothing has been quite as popular as my conversation demolitions. But strangely enough, conversation demolitions started out as an accident. On some random summer day in 2008, I was in a shitty mood. I don’t remember why exactly, but I sat at home annoyed about something or other. Maybe my girlfriend was being ridiculous, maybe my cat shit on my pillow – either way, I was irked and mindlessly browsing the internet. Lounging around in my pajamas as I always do when I work, I came across a guy posting an instant message conversation he had had with a girl on a local Boston pick up forum. He said she flaked on him and he didn’t know why and wanted some opinions on what he did wrong. Well, needless to say, the stuff he said to her was horrendous (that conversation is the first in this collection, in case you’re curious). And not only that, but he had the audacity to say, “I know she’s into me and lying when she says she’s not.” Well, upon reading the actual conversation, it was obvious he was delusional and this girl was pretty disgusted with him. So I let loose… Actually, that’s putting it kindly, I tore him a new asshole. Looking back, I was probably venting my own frustrations by going medieval on this guy’s ass. I was a little worried afterward that maybe I had been too hard on him. But the next day he replied thanking me for the wake up call. And that wasn’t it. I got an overwhelming response from other guys saying it was helpful and that they had been making the same mistakes. So I put it up on my blog. Once again, overwhelming response and before I knew it, I had a flood of conversations in my inbox waiting to be demolished. Even doing one every week or two, I was constantly overloaded with them. That went on until I literally had a THREE MONTH waiting list to analyze guys’ conversations. Finally, I resolved to sit down, do them all in one stroke and then put them together into this collection. I’ve also included two of my own conversations at the end so guys can get a picture of what a “good” conversation looks like and how to model it. Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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If the trend continues, and this ebook receives a popular response, I will continue to demolish conversations on my blog (www.EntropyPUA.com) and eventually put together a Volume 2. Finally, in case you didn’t know, these are all real conversations from real readers of mine talking to real women. As always, if you would like me to demolish your conversation and have it included in the next volume of this series, email it to me at: [email protected]. You’ll get a free copy of the next ebook in return. Best, Mark “Entropy” Manson Boston March 4, 2009


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Girls Aren’t Stupid (Instant Message) To preface: This is a girl who I have never touched at all, she knows me because her brother used to live at my apartment. We have been bantering over IM for two weeks now. I have DHVed enough to know the "no interest" thing isn't true. Just wanted to know if I could have done anything different. Me: hey, can we dump that dresser? Girl: no me: OK, we're going to start charging you storage then. Where should I send the bill? Girl: oh really? well john told me it was fine. someone made that for my parents for their wedding. I will email him now and ask. Remember, sarcasm is often lost over the internet. If you're being sarcastic or trying to tease her, I always recommend making liberal use of smileys... particularly winky smileys. ;) Needless to say, she doesn't get the joke but is actually taking it quite seriously. me: ha! you get really defensive about this I don't care about the dresser I just wanted a reason to start a conversation with you OK, so you call her "defensive" probably pissing her off, and then make a statement of interest. This is all over the place and horrible timing. You've threatened her dresser (sounds funny, but it turns out she really values it) and then insulted her. You've put her in the WORST possible emotional space to tell her you're interested in her. There's no way you get a positive reaction here. Girl: I am not defensive, just upfront why? Oh, the irony. She defends herself by claiming she's not defensive. As for your statement of interest, she appears confused by it (as she should be), so she asks you why you like her. me: because you looked cute last night going to the ballet, and I want to see if I would like to get to know you better Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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Girl: if youuu would like to? hmm.. Not the strongest answer just calling her cute. And dude... the, "I want to see if I would like to get to know you better" is HORRIBLE. Get rid of it. How self-centered can you be? Basically, you're insulting her then say, "but you're hot, I want to see if maybe I could actually like you at some point." Are women supposed to jump on this? "OH PLEASE LIKE ME SIR!" This is condescending and egotistical. Notice she totally picks this up. well I am sorry if me being nice was mistaken for something else I am just a nice person there was never any interest there plus I am seeing someone.. She flat out rejects you. I don't know why you say you "know" she's lying here. Why would ANY girl lie about not being interested in you? Especially a girl this blunt and direct. me: well, at least you'll have something to do when we're not hanging out and no one said anything about me wanting to date you Classic line, which is good and I've used many times. But this girl already thinks you're rude and self-absorbed, so why would you just reinforce that belief? You say you don't want to date her. Now who's being defensive? Keep negging her man... just make the hole deeper. Girl: ok whatever...anyone that reads what you have said to me would think otherwise... I have to agree with her. Community theory really doesn't give girls much credit. They are SO much more perceptive. They usually know what we're doing more than we do. You blatantly TOLD the girl you thought she was cute and wanted to get to know her better, then become defensive and neg her repeatedly. She sees through you dude! maybe that's just your personality Ironically, it's probably not.


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either way, no interest Ouch. running to meet john for coffee ----Time Passes---Girl: hey - last thing ...I just want to apologize not for what I said, but for how it might have sounded. I am just very honest, and sometimes that can come across as b*tchy, especially over gchat/email. She feels bad for being so harsh and blunt with rejecting you, so she apologizes. But she is careful to make the point that she's not sorry for rejecting you, but for how harsh she was. me: I thought it was hilarious Yeah man, because getting bluntly rejected by a girl after two weeks is soooooo funny. Rich guys don't have to tell girls they're rich. Guys with big cocks don't have to tell girls they have big cocks. Guys who don't care about getting rejected don't have to tell girls they think it's "hilarious." You're REALLY transparent bro. Girl: oh? me: I don't know how to respond to "oh?" Now you're just getting sassy. girl: oh ha jk it's the equivalent of "you don't say" or "really?" me: ORLY? girl: sure She must really feel bad to put up with this. me: then my response would have been yes Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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Girl: good talk ----I stop responding, 3 minutes pass---Girl: I guess we have different definitions of what's hilarious...but whatever floats your boat. The three minutes is irrelevant. Three minutes of silence over IM is nothing. That's a bathroom trip, or the time it takes to get a snack. Once again she's confused by your bipolar responses. This girl may have been into you before, she may not have been. Judging by your miscalibration here, I wouldn't be surprised if she actually wasn't into you and you thought she was. You come across as an ass without intending to and you're giving her big mixed signals. Her responses read more like the man's in this exchange: she was more rational, congruent and direct every step of the way. That's not necessarily a knock to you, but something to keep in mind. She states explicitly THREE TIMES that she's not interested. That's AFTER you displayed direct interest in her. Dude, no offense, but you have to be delusional to think this girl is seriously interested in you. Just because she banters on IM a few times means nothing. She seems like a cool chick. You probably still have a shot with her, but you're definitely headed in the wrong direction.


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The San Diego Zoo (Online) [In this demolition, we have a Russian hero who is about to take a trip to the west coast, including San Diego. In preparation, he searched and messaged some hot girls in the cities he would be visiting hoping to get a little extra tourist “action.”] Subject: what's so good about... "The Breakup" anyway. Vince Vaughn is just acting as himself and Jennifer Aniston is selling diet pepsi with her nudeness. Now, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" is way better... bite me Aniston. They say the best way to piss off a celebrity is to call them by their last name ;) So if you read Details over Cosmo, what are guys are supposed to be reading? XXX You didn’t send me any info about this girl’s profile, but my guess is she mentioned this movie in her profile and you sent this as chick crack. Not my cup of tea, but stuff like this does work. You’re also immediately getting her to qualify herself about her profile. Whether she complies or not is going to be completely based on your profile.

RE:what's so good about... lol I actually like it because there are a couple of different parts in the movie that remind me of funny situations from my life. Yeah, no one else would get it, I know... There are plenty of magazines left for guys to read. I just like the articles in there. I mean, I can only read "Drop 15 pounds in a week!" or "10 sexy tips to spice up your love life" so many times. If a girl doesn't know that stuff already and has to reread it 10 times then something is wrong. :p XXX So she completely complies and defends herself to you. Her interest is piqued. You should reward her for the compliance and say something nice next while starting a bit of genuine conversation.


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Hey XXX, Hmm, let me guess... ... you study art history and sell bizarre furniture to ridiculously studly guys too? or did you meet your man at a baseball game? Some more teasing. Again, you mentioned nothing about this girl’s profile, but I’m curious as to why you’re calling attention to a guy in her picture. It’s either a) nobody important, or b) an exboyfriend. Either way, you gain nothing by mentioning it. I feel like you’re calling attention to it out of insecurity maybe? Haha, I guess all the girl magazines don't publish articles on modesty and humbleness ;) You know, like Nelly Furtado says, "chivalry is dead but it's still kind of cute". The answer I was looking for is GQ. A bit arrogant. This girl qualified herself to you. Don’t punish her. So how come you like all the guy movies, Sin City, The Godfather, Fight Club? Put American History X in there, and I'll start to wonder if you are secretly a man and you like to walk around your house in boxers all day. I just saw the Godfather series for the first time since I was 5. So amazing, and now that I know most of the actors, it is so weird to see them when they were my age. I wish I could have been there on the movie premiere. Over kill. Anyway, tell me more about yourself. What do you study in school? why do you do it? and what do you wish you were doing instead? :) XXX Finally, you get to some substance and convey some interest. But you’re implying a lot with the last question. This whole response to her was a bit over kill.

RE:Hey XXX, Hmm, let me guess... No, no and no. :p The guy that was in the picture with me sporting a Twins (they suck!) hat is my ex. Told ya. Now she’s thinking about her ex… *sigh*


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The typical girl magazines are boring and redundant. I prefer to read French Vogue, Bazaar, etc. I mainly read/look at ther fashion articles. I was going to mention GQ but I figured that was a given. ;) She ribs you back here, showing a bit of personality. Haha! I can't really explain my taste in movies, but rest assured I am pretty girly when it comes to my fashion (no boxers sorry!), music, habits, etc... The Godfather movies I can explain a bit...I'm half Sicilian and my mom's is from and lives in Palermo. I'm going to Pharmacy school because I'm a hardcore pill popper. ;) But I wish I was I could write or work with fashion...or both would be ideal (read: fashion editor). What do you wish you were doing instead? XXX She complies again, although with a little bit of defiance. You lucked out that you happened to cold read that she wishes she was doing something else. If she happened to be really passionate about what she was doing, you may have been met with some indignation. Overall, things are still going well, but there’s a subtle trend going on here towards her not wanting to comply and qualify herself to you anymore. Again, I’d back off on the teasing, build some comfort. She’s already showing plenty of interest by complying with you and writing back. You don’t have to be hard on her.

RE: I'm such a bad guesser... ... no more, I'll stick with the interview questions, like the rest of the guys ;) Hey, what's up? I'm XXX, nice to meet you. What are you guys doing out today? Cool Cool. So, uh, what do you do? Oh, nice. I'm student too, haha. You guys want something to drink? Here you go. So, uh, do you have a boyfriend? Oh I see. Yeah, well, pleasure to meet you ladies. I'll see you around. This is try-hard. Translation: “I’m trying too hard to call attention to my uniqueness.”


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A confident guy doesn’t have to say this. A rich man doesn’t say have to say he’s rich, and a confident guy doesn’t have to tell a girl he’s different from all of the rest. I’d argue that you actually DLV yourself here. So like you were saying, exes, they suck. We won't talk about them. Then why’d you bring him up? Instead tell me more about your fashion interests (I'm thinking you're like Kate Hudson in "How to Loose a Guy in 10 Days") or better yet travel. Sicily, man, that place looks fantastic. The closest I've been to Italy is pictures from my brother in law and the movie Gladiator. I'm a big fan of mediterranean pizza, but I guess that does not count ;) I'm sure you've been there many times. How does it compare to California? YES! Better late than never. This is what was called for. Sharing some info about yourself in an interesting way and then digging deeper with the information she gave you. Speaking of travel, me and some friends are going on this west coast road trip for New Years. Some of them have never been to Vegas or seen the Grand Canyon. I want to check out that new skybridge they got going on there. I hope we have time to visit the zoo again. OK. Girls aren’t dumb. 90% sure as soon as she read this she thought to herself, “Oh, THAT’S why he’s messaging me. He’s coming to San Diego.” She had to know at some point, but you haven’t established enough comfort to drop this on her. My guess is she’s immediately questioning your intentions here. Last time I saw polar bears wrestle around just a few feet away from me. That was quite a sight, watching these huge wild animals just throwing punches and biting each other, splashes everywhere and them leaning against the window. Anyway, last time I really wanted to get some real fish sushi but the place next to our hotel was already closed. So this time, I made myself a promise that I'll get me some california sushi. Can you recommend a good place in San Diego? This kind of rambles a bit. You finish it well by playing it cool, insinuating that you two don’t even have to meet. But still, remember, YOU messaged HER. She knows what you’re up to, and at this point she doesn’t know if she can trust you. You’re pushing the whole west coast trip thing way too fast. I hear that pharmacists are very smart and, best of all, free sources of medical advice. I'm guessing you have study a lot of chemistry and biology. Is that something you've been doing for a while? I can't say that I completely hate what I do. Some days are more fun than others, but if Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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I could earn a living by meeting and talking to new people I would totally do it. My friend from college really got me into this social psychology thing. To us it was nothing more fascinating that getting to know other people, exploring how they think and feel, and sharing our own thoughts. Not many people can appreciate the value of a good conversation, but that is something I really find interesting. XXX Some more quality comfort stuff.

Hi XXX, my name is XXX. Hmm yeah sure you can buy me a drink but you gotta buy my girls one too...can't leave them out ya know! No, we don't want the $2 Jager shot special, buy us a REAL drink. Haha. ;P She’s going along with your cheesy schtick… a good sign. I’m telling you man, I don’t know what your profile is on this site, but it’s totally carrying you right now. Not that you’re blowing this, but you’re not taking it anywhere. The fact that she continues to respond positively makes me think she has a good impression of you. Uh oh, never ask me to discuss my fashion interests unless you truly, truly care to know because I will GO ON AND ON. But since you asked, and you're not here to take it back, I think I'm going to give you a decent answer. I practically live in heels but only the good kind. ;) Cheap shoes hurt my feet and I like to keep them pretty. No I'm not being high maintaince, you try walking around in a pair of cheaply made heels and see how long you last before you get a blister....then walk around in a pair of Christian Louboutins and they will feel like heaven on your feet. You will get your height minus the pain (the hidden platform is genuis!). Don't get me wrong, I'm not stupid to think that just because it costs more it looks better. And you would be right, my fashion taste is similiar to that of Andy with a little bit of Carrie from Sex and the City for fun. I'm an accessory whore. I have over 2000 pieces in my collection...one of my favs is my Kadada Jones gold crown cuff and a Dolce and Gabbana layered chain necklace. Okay, I'm done I promise. Blah, blah, blah… This is great though. The more a chick talks about herself to you, the better. It mean she’s gaining trust and investing herself in you. Sadly, I have yet to go to Italy. But I am planning to go next Fall with the familia. In 3 weeks I will be in Chicago for the weekend, last time I was there for business so hopefully this time I will get to do a lot more. Your road trip sounds like fun. I've made a trip similiar to that when I first Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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drove up to Minneapolis. Which zoo did you go to? If you're ever in California you totally have to check out the San Diego Zoo, it's one of the best. I also recommend Sushi Ota on Mission Bay Drive. She’s basically calling your bluff here. She knows what you’re up to, and since you won’t come out and say you want to see her, she’s going to go along with you. At this point, I imagine this set is going to go no where unless you do one of two things: 1) go insanely direct and bank on the fact she probably thinks you’re cute from your profile, or 2) really connect with her on a deep level through a lot of conversation. But at this rate, the conversation isn’t getting you anywhere. She sees through you and sees you coming a mile away. Any futzing around or playing games at this point isn’t going to get you anywhere. Pharmacy is definitely a lot of science, something I totally did not see myself doing in high school. I was originally a Political Science major with an emphasis on International Relations...blah blah. So yup, I wanted to go to Law School, but stuff happened and I ended up switching. I'm still very much interested in politics though. You would be one rich man if you could earn a living just by meeting and talking to people...you seem to be good at it with me so far and these are just messages! Your messages have been some of the most interesting I have received. How did you find me by the way? I mean, our locations are pretty spaced. Oh and what nationality are you? I read that you know how to speak Russian and Ukrainian so is it safe to assume your either one of those? I have a really good girlfriend who is Russian and I also once dated a Russian guy who at one point tried to teach me but then yeah we broke up...whoops no Ex talk. ;P She likes you. “My ex is Russian” should be a huge tip-off for you [Ed’s note: our hero is Russian]. She’s also basically coming out and trying to find out your intentions. “How did you find me?” says basically, “I’m interested in you, but what the hell are you messaging me for?” I’d REALLY come out direct here. This girl just isn’t going to trust you otherwise. I can be quite the talker with random outside of the box thinking so it's always good to find someone that can keep up with me or vice versa. XXX

the craziest thing happened to me ... ... almost half of the people I meet this weekend, have either been to Italy, want to go, or have family from there. One guy was telling me about these fishing villages around the coast that have the best local food and some girl said her favorite dish is a seafood lasagna. Another guy Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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was trying to be all mafia but he didn't even know the name of the Sicilian city his grandparents came from, wankster. The thing is that I was not asking them about it, it just came up, or maybe they thought I was Italian because of my accent or my Ferrari keychain :) I bet Freud would have a different explanation for this, but he could also see a penis in everything. I'm afraid to ask, but what is a hidden platform. I was watching the discovery channel one day and they showed how high heels are made, there is some pretty cool tech involved. I mean they got to make them sturdy, super light, and, best of all, pretty. I saw them putting steel support arches in there and all kinds of fancy leather padding. It's got to be a good feeling to be one of those big name designers. Imagine it, you get a fancy-sounding name like, [fill in the blank here], every hot girl on the planet knows who you are and is willing to spend big money to buy your work. I doubt there is anything else that can make a man feel that great. Let's see, I've had only one accessory forever and last year I added two more, so I got three total and YOU ARE ON, sister :) This is all really interesting and well done. Good job. I love to travel. It sounds like such a cliche but I can safely say that I have done a little of it and really want to do more. Last year for Thanksgiving me and two other Russians went to Denver, Colorado. That later became the story that gets told at every party. I got some pictures of it on facebook, are you on there? Anyway, Chicago sounds like a lot of fun. I've never been but want to go bad. I mean this is the place where house music and deep dish pizza was born. What do you do when you're there? Minneapolis sounds cool too, I don't know anything about it. Tell me about that road trip. I've been to San Diego Zoo. You're right, it is one of the best in the world. Last time I was there it was raining the entire time and I still got a tan :) Sushi Ota is now on my map, I'll convince my friends to try it too. They got this preconceived notion that all sushi is nasty raw fish. My college speech professor told us that like 70% of all people who hate sushi have never tried it. This is more high-quality interaction. Only thing I’d like to point out is how long these messages are getting. You’re doing a good job of always expanding the amount of stuff you send her slightly longer than hers, basically encouraging her to write more and more each time. I don’t know if you were aware of this, but it’s happening and it’s good. Political science is really cool, if you are good at it. I mean some people in politics have a ridiculous amount of power. They get to change the laws and get away with shooting their friend in the face. Spoken like a true Russian. ;)


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But enough about politics, I don't talk about that neither ;) I watch a lot of Boston Legal, and since I started it, I've changed my mind about lawyers big time. I don't know if you ever watch that show but the writing on there is just phenomenal. Thank you very much, I like talking to you too. I can't say it is hard, since we have so much in common. That and my ridiculously exotic accent is yet to betray me :) A friend of mine sent me this article about how women in LA are hot and women in SD are beautiful and classy. It said something about that TV anchor who would finish his programs with "Stay classy San Diego". Do you know who that is? Anyway, I just wanted to see for myself. Yes, I am Russian, born and raised in Ukraine. I spoke English every day for the last seven years, so I think in it now. That's why I sometimes would slip an English sentence when talking to my parents and they would give me that "mothaland" look :) Tell your friend this, "[in russian: i met this guy on okcupid, he's cute and very interesting, soon to be a doctor and go into outer space :) What do you think, should I give him my number, cause he really wants to meet me?]" XXX This was all good, but in the end, you bitched out. Just come out and say it, you want to meet her. You found her because you were just seeing what kind of people are in San Diego and she caught your eye. She likes you. She wants you to say it. So say it. Your game is pretty decent. You just seem to be one step behind this entire interaction. You continue to tease when you should go into comfort. You go into comfort when you should be stating your interest. In the end, this girl liked you and the way you screwed it up is that you weren’t forthright with your intentions. You wanted to meet this girl. She knew it. You knew it. But you couldn’t say it. And when that happens, girls get a fishy feeling about a guy and move on. If this girl is as hot as she sounds, she probably has a few guys working her in person. So why is she going to continue with page-long messages with a guy who can’t even come out and say why he’s messaging her?


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Day Game at Work (In Person) Hero: I was pulling into the parking lot at my work and I saw a blonde girl with a black skirt and high heel shoes walking by. So I parked the car and got out as quickly as I could, trying not to appear too creepy or in-a-hurry if she happened to glance in my direction. By the time I got out of my car and slung my work bag over my shoulder, she was a good ten steps ahead of me. I tried to walk fast to catch up to her, but I figured that if I walked at the quick pace I was currently walking, it would take way too long to get to her (probably another 100 feet, unacceptable, and creepy). So I just spoke up, this was my chance… Me: Excuse me! (She stops, turns around curious and accommodating. I take off my winter hat) (Smiling and relaxed) Hey. I know this is kinda random or whatever, but I thought you were kinda cute so I wanted to meet you. Girl: Oh! Ok. (surprised, flattered, smiling). Me: I’m [Dude]. Girl: I’m Girl. (we shake hands) This is the go-to day game opener that I teach guys. Easy to use, very effective. Good job. And before I could say anything (I had it in my mind that I was going to say “you seem like you have a DC vibe to you”), she probes immediately. Girl:

So where do you work here?

Good sign. I work in a huge facility with thousands of employees and several different subcompanies and sections that all either serve the same general purpose, or serve the employees who work there. We fluff for a minute about what we do. She tells me she works in the nutrition and health department or something or other, and I inquire about it and tell her how I think it’s cool. She complains that half of the employees don’t even know that her section exists because the building is so big. I agree and tell her about how a coworker played a prank on me the first week by taking me on a tour and leaving me in the middle of West Building to fend for myself. Finally we reach the entrance of the building and I say: Me: Girl:

So you seem like you have a DC vibe to you… DC? No, I don’t know I’m actually from Bowie.


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Me: Girl:

Oh Bowie, that’s cool. I have some friends from there. Do you know Joe Schmoe? Joe Schmoe?! Yeah! Oh my God! He played football with my brother!

Your transition, cold-read and fluff is all solid here. No complaints. You luck out in that she knows your friend – social proof. This is going really well, I’m almost afraid to see where it blows up. Me: Yeah Joe Schmoe, that’s my boy. He used to work with my friend over at Shenanigans. And his girlfriend used to live in my neighborhood. We had walked past the guard at this point and flashed our badges. This is the point where I had to go one way and she had to go another, since we work in different parts of the building. So I walked with her for another 100 feet while trying to number close… Girl: Me: Girl: Me: Girl:

Wow. Small world. Yeah. Hey, I’ll let you go, but um, It was nice meeting you! Yeah, maybe we could have coffee sometime… Um yeah.

Weak phone close. You haven’t had a lot of time to build much rapport, so you want to get as little commitment as possible right now. The go-to line that I teach here is, “Hey, you seem pretty cool, let’s exchange numbers, and if we like each other we could hang out some time.” When you say it that way, you put absolutely NO pressure on her whatsoever to commit to anything. I reach for my phone. Me: Girl: Me: Girl:

Yeah so give me your number and I’ll… You could just email me. Oh ok. What’s your… You can just look me up on the global.

She shows me her badge. Girl: Me: Girl: Me: Girl: Me: Girl:

This is my last name. Oh ok, that’s kinda hard to remember. Yeah I know, what’s yours? (She looks at my badge) Oh that’s easy to remember. Yeah. Ok well I’ll email you sometime. I’ll email you Ok. Ok see ya later. Bye.


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You probably don’t need me to tell you that this was an ultra-polite rejection. Unfortunately, this set was so short, it could be a million things that went wrong – maybe she has a boyfriend and just didn’t think to say it at first, maybe your sub-communication and non-verbals are off, maybe you came across too needy when number closing, maybe you had a giant ketchup stain on your shirt, maybe she always hated Joe Schmoe (your “boy”). Who knows? You ran the day game formula pretty well. Day game is pretty easy to get good at, but once you get good at it, it becomes a numbers game. No matter how good you get, you’re never going to number close more than 40-50% of your sets (boyfriend objections, logistics, simply not interested, etc.). My guess is if you had had another 3-5 minutes to talk to this woman, she would have been more willing to give you her number. The sweet spot with day game sets seem to be 7-10 minutes. Anything less and the numbers become flaky. Anything more and the tension begins dissipating. Other than the number close, I have no complaints with this set. Good job.


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Flaked on by a Bartender (Text) Setup: I meet a girl at a mutual friend's party. After much drinking, we connect on a common childhood vacation spot -- for the rest of the night, she's initiating and responding to kino, she forces her number on me, and we half-kiss goodnight. The one major mistake I made then was not moving things forward when I had the chance. (Logistics were bad, but I should have been more inventive.) Text messages follow: [4AM, a bit after I leave the party (before her)] Me: serendipity Me: that would be an awesome charades clue!! If you know she’s still awake and receiving your texts right after you leave, but not responding, then this actually says a lot about the interaction. If I had to guess, I’d say that her buying temperature was through the roof. She was looking for a guy, any guy, to hook up with and you passed up on it. Once you were gone, she didn’t really care who you were. This could be circumvented in two ways: 1) escalating, obviously, or 2) building more comfort and connection to make her remember you specifically. Two days later, I call her, reach voicemail, don't leave one. Send a text message Me: I just realized something about you Me: [last name] is Irish, isn't it? Persistence. Good. [Two hours later] HB: ahh. 'tis. Extremely low levels of compliance. Teasing is in order. [Three hours later] Me: Leaving Tuesday. Drinks tomorrow? HB: sorry i can't. working. Me: as a call girl?


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Good! This is what was needed. HB: ha. no. as a bartender. Me: so you're already having drinks tomorrow HB: serving them Me: serve me one Random aside: bartenders really don’t like guys trying to pick them up while they’re working. I wouldn’t have pushed for this. But at this point it’s obvious she’s not interested anymore, so it doesn’t matter. HB: sorry gonna be really busy. have a safe trip. happy holidays. She gives you the, “Don’t call me; I’ll call you.” I’ll tell you what I would do here, I’d keep trying her. She was attracted to you once (even if she was hammered), she could be attracted to you again. She just doesn’t have any attachment or connection to you. I’d keep texting her and calling her. Don’t be annoying, but be persistent for sure. Don’t back down with seeing her. Keep bugging her. She knows you think she’s hot. And she’s probably attracted to you. But she needs to know that you’re actually into her – and I don’t mean that she needs to hear it, she needs to SEE it. So if you’re really into her, I’d keep calling her and texting her intermittently. Persistence often pays off. And next time… go for the fucking close while you still can. ;)


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The Power of Direct Game (Text) I met this girl in the bookstore, basic practical pickup stuff, I was nervous, I’m new at this, etc. Managed to get her number. Texted her later that day (Christmas eve) with “Hey cutie” and we fluffed for about three or four messages back and forth, and I said I had to leave for my mom’s house and I’d talk to her later. Texted her the day after Christmas and the Convo went like this: Me: Did you get everything you wanted for Christmas? Girl: yup pretty much! U? Me: Yea the clothes I got were off the chain :P. Was it nice to see your family and stuff? Girl: yeah well I live at home…we just went to a family friends house bc my extended family live far away. You have plans for tonight? Good fluff. This shows interest in you right here. Me: That’s cool. Yeah I’ll be at BAR tonight. My friend’s cousin is dj’ing there. U? Girl: oh Ive heard of that… where is it? Going out in PLACE1 or PLACE2 Me: It’s in PLACE3. That should be fun! If u were to take me on a surprise vacation anywhere in the world where would you take me, and what would we do? Wait til you hear my answer! This is try-hard and out of context. But she likes you, so you get away with it. Girl: somewhere in spain…prob Barcelona. Stay up all night dancing! Did that this summer. U? Me: That sounds tempting. Book me for next week ;). I’ve never been to spain but sounds like fun. Do you speak Spanish? Girl: haha its awesome. I can say a few things but not fluently. So what’s your answer? Me: Wait, u struck my curiousity, one more question J. Do you like trying new things and traveling a lot? Girl: I love traveling so much! Again, not the smoothest moves, but she likes you and is qualifying herself beautifully. Me: That’s awesome! You seem like a cool chick so I think you’ll like my answer. I’d go to cancun and we’d visit the Mayan ruins n swim with the dolphins during the day. And you reward her with a compliment. Good stuff. Girl: how old are you? Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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Me: 26. you? Girl: 22. so is BAR fun? My friends and I are still deciding where to go Translation: “I kind of want to come see you tonight.” Me: fletcher’s is cool. I’ve been there once or twice. Girl: ok well im going to start the pregame…have fun tonight! Then she texted me back later that night around 10. Girl: last name? Me: What are you a myspace stalker? Girl: haha what!? Just seeing if you’re legit! OK. Stop for a second. This is important. I’m going to assume you used our standard day game techniques when you met her and went direct on her. A LOT of girls aren’t used to guys going direct on them during the day. They’re so taken aback, sometimes it never even really sinks in what has happened to them. This girl still isn’t completely grasping it. She doesn’t know if you’re for real, or some kind of prank or joke or sleazebag. This would set off a red flag for me that I need to build some comfort and trust in her ASAP. Also, if you haven’t figured it out by now, she really likes you. In fact, the reason she’s questioning you being legit is because you seem to be too good to be true to her right now. (You like apples? How bout THEM apples?) Me: Haha what does my last name have to do with anything? LASTNAME. Still pregaming? I like that you give her a little bit of shit here before you comply. Good stuff. Girl: haha I don’t know. Yup! Everyone wants to go to PLACE3…I don’t really want to though. Translation: “I would rather see you.” Me: Who’s everyone? Girl: just some work ppl. Going to a place called reefers? Me: Sounds like stoner heaven. You don’t smoke right. Just curious, are you Indian? OK, the fluff’s getting out of hand. She likes you. You like her. She’s dropping hints that she Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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wants to meet you. Time to make a move, chief. Girl: its just a bar never been there before. Yup Indian. What are you? I HATE that question sorry im asking it. Me: Why I’m human and fuck you very much for asking… jk :P. I’m mixed. This line is a bit intense for the conversation. Notice she ignores it. I’d make a mental note on this girl: “Doesn’t respond well to vulgarity.” (Some girls do.) Girl: wht kind of mixed!? Me: Guess Girl: im not going to lie… I tried not looking at you too much. I was nervous. Im such a loser. I actually laughed out loud here because I was so taken aback by this. I wasn’t sure if she was being insanely mean or genuine. I really wasn’t sure what to say here. Hah! This may be the most interesting line anyone has sent me to demolition. I love it. This instant right here, literally determines if you get a lot of women and if you don’t. Any guy who gets a lot of women will read that and immediately think, “Wow, she’s so into me that she’s nervous and calling herself a loser.” Any guy who doesn’t get laid a lot will think, “OMG, she’s insulting me.” Dude, this girl is REALLY into you. So into you, she’s nervous talking to you, hinting to hang out with you. Welcome to the power of direct day game. My guess is that you’re really inexperienced and have a bit of low self-esteem yourself with women, so you’re automatically assuming the worst. Me: Lmao. Ok is that a jab at me bc I was nervous? I hope not cuz if so that’s really mean. Girl: nooo! Were you nervous? Ha I thought it was pretty ballsy of you though. How come you decided to talk to me? I look back on this and still can’t tell if she was being genuine or sarcastic. The more I look at it, the more it looks sarcastic. I don’t know if that’s just my own problems with negative predisposition or what. I can’t tell. It is your own problem. She’s being genuine. I’m feeling for this girl right now. She probably feels so vulnerable and insecure, and your insecurities are making you react to her in a negative way. This is almost tragic!


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Me: Cuz you were pretty and I had just finished playing basketball and was feeling ballsy. Plus your scarf was cute ;) YES! Perfect response. And thank you for actually manning up and saying you like this girl, something my other readers could use some work on. This is EXACTLY what she needed to hear. Now she thinks you’re for real, she knows you like her. Now it’s just a matter of escalating. Girl: haha good reasons. Just passed BAR are you there. Translation: “I want to see you.” That’s THREE TIMES NOW. Dude, do you need a neon fucking billboard? Me: Na. I’m still up in PLACE4. I think we might hangout in PLACE5 tonight. Girl: oh I have some friends out there too. Have fun! Me: You too Sweet girl. Sounds a little insecure, and so do you. She REALLY likes you. I hope this one turned out well.


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Politically Correct (Text) So I met this girl on my bday. Definitely seemed like it was on that night and felt like she was interested. It was tough cause it was my bday so I had to spend a lot of time with my friends as well. I got her number, but didn't try to escalate past normal flirty touching. So I texted her the next day. Hero: Hey HB. Great meeting you! Late night but I feel suprisingly good. Musta been the late night grub. You girls keep the party going after "Bar"? Hero :) No response. Called and left a VM the next day. She responded two days later: HB: Hi hero, I apologize for not responding sooner, i have been swamped with work. before I get distracted i wanted to say hi. Happy to hear your bday was great. Hero: What's up with Bill overworking all his peeps? ;) I hear ya though, just walked out of work myself. (she mentioned she worked for the clinton foundation) Extremely low levels of compliance followed by uber-friendly text (i.e., the bad kind of friendly). She needs to be teased to rekindle that attraction and gain some compliance. You tease lightly, but she doesn’t bite. Note to self: tease harder. No response. Two days later: Hero: Did you catch Bush's farewell address? Dude is so clueless as to why people are unhappy with him. HB: A bit. Nothing glamorous about it. R u going to DC this weekend? Hero: Was thinking about it, but I also have a friends engagement party so we'll see. you're going right? HB: Yes. really excited! Hero: Nice! Should be the party of the year. I'm not jealous at all... This is too nice. This girl has shown you no compliance, hardly responds to you. Don’t tell her you’re jealous of her. You’re also letting her control the frame. This conversation needs a serious injection of teasing and banter. I’d say something outlandish here – some off-the-wall political joke or pretend you have no idea that the inauguration is happening and see how long you can string her along. I actually did this with my brother, who went to DC for the inauguration. I asked him what the big deal was. He said, “You’re kidding right?” I said, “Well, the Redskins’ season is over, so I don’t know why you’d go to DC.” Finally when they realize you’re fucking around you make fun of them for it. Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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Good, clean fun. This conversation’s too boring. HB: Well at least you still have the long weekend to look forward too. Hero: No doubt. Then the Idiotarod the following weekend. HB: The what? Hero: Like the Iditarod in Alaska with dogs & sleds, but in Brooklyn with shopping carts & people. I shit you not. HB: Wow. I had no idea. Hero: Yeah it's awesome. I did it last year and had a blast. One of the many reason I love NYC. HB: Sounds crazy. I'll have to google it. And by Google it, she means fall asleep texting you. OK, granted, this “Idiotarod” sounds pretty cool, but she’s half-assing her conversation with you so much it’s painful. Like I said, BIG injection of banter and humor, more outlandish teasing. You’re the kind of guy who is too nice. I’d make it a goal to get blown out more. You’re not being aggressive enough.


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Girls Aren’t Stupid, Pt. 2 (Text) This was a text exchange I had with a girl I met at a party. I got her number at a house party I was at. While I was leaving the house, I ran into her again: Me: Hey it was nice meeting you Her: uhh... I remember you. Right here I thought I had really fucked up. I had talked to her for twenty minutes earlier in that evening, managed to pull her away/mini-isolate her from her friends and get her to follow me upstairs (there was about a billion people on every floor so I couldn't really get her in a room alone, plus it wasn't my house but I know i should of still escalated), as well as some touching, but she seemed to act rather odd when I just said bye to her later that evening. Note that at the time I was saying this, she was back with her group of friends, I dont know if that means anything. It means you’re over-thinking and over-analyzing. Anyways, I thought I would send her a text two minutes after that just to see if she spoke text. The following went like this. Me: Happy birthday french jew Her: Haha thanks Me: Yo I found this unbelievable gift for your birthday Her: Wats that Me: Its a surprise but if you really want it tonight i can give it to you Her: Well tell me what it is first OK. This is a legit tactic and everything, but I keep saying this, GIRLS ARE NOT STUPID. SHE KNOWS WHAT YOU’RE DOING. And if she doesn’t trust you, she’s going to say no. Me: Come on why dod you want to ruin the surprise dont be a debbie downer Her: Hahhaaha I hate surprises This is her saying no. Me: Alright if you hate surprises then nevermind ill save it for someone else goodnight Her: lol wow you suck You think she’s joking! Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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I was confused at this moment because while she was distant 5 minutes prior to this exchange, now she responded at lightening speed. Once again, you’re paying attention to the wrong things and over-thinking. She didn’t know if she could trust you. Simple as that.


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How to Lose a Girl in 20 Minutes (Instant Message) Here is a convo that i'm having via text with a girl i'm dating. The short version of that backstory is she is bi and i believe is into and hooks up with my friends ex g/f (who is a crazy drug whore), but hasn't really admitted it to me, but i hear it from other people including the crazy drug whore. I'd like to frame this into a FB or more, we've already hooked up many times over the last few months....i was hoping you can break this down let me know my mistakes and the possible steps i can take to save this. GIRL: HEY xxx. ME: HEY. GIRL: WHATS WR0NG? GIRL: NIGHT. ME: Tired of people tellin me one thing when something else is goin on. I trust people to easily :( gnight d0rk make a wish 11:11 GIRL: WHAT HAVE PPL BEEN TELLING Y0U AB0UT ME.. ME: Everyone has their own agendas...i just dont like feelin manipulated by someone else or being lied to. U kno? OK. Time out champ. Unless you’re a little emo kid and you get a hard on to your own tears, why are you bitching and moaning to this girl? The only thing I can imagine is that you’re insinuating that she’s lying to you about something or hiding something? I don’t know. JUST COME OUT AND SAY IT. You’re coming across as a pussy. GIRL: YA..BUT LIKE HAS xxx BEEN SAYING STUFF 0R S0METHING? IT JUST S0UNDS LIKE S0ME1 HAS BEEN SAYING STUFF AB0UT ME 0R S0METHING.. ME: xxx ALWAYS says stuff, thats not the point, i hear 3 different views sometimes 4 of everything and they r usually all different. I just hate drama when it involves me..i like it when its other people like on vh1 (say goodbye to onyx btw ;)) He said, she said, he said, she said… zzzzz….. GIRL: OH OK. WELL IF IT EVER HAS T0 DO WITH ME..JUST ASK K? CUZ U KN0W xxx N H0W HE IS. BUT YEH..


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Dude, why do you need me? She’s telling you exactly what you should do. ME: I hate sayin this but idk if i could trust u anymore idk what ur agenda is. GIRL: MY AGENDA? ME: Yes. GIRL: LIKE MY SCHEDULE N WHAT IM D0ING? ME: Intentions.....in other words Quit bitching and come out and say it. Whatever is bothering you, confront her about it. Be a man about it. You’ve basically entered into a frame of a victim and you’re expecting her to console you and fix things. This is weak. It’s only going to attract really low self-esteem girls (like drug whores) and its seeking value – the very definition of being unattractive. GIRL: 0HH. WELL IDK..I JUST HAVNT HAD REEEAL FEELING F0R S0MEONE IN A WHILE.IM JUST NERV0US. CUZ IVE BEEN HURT S0 MUCH. IDK IF I HAV MUCH T0 GIVE..IF U KN0W WUT I MEE GIRL: BUT I THINK U DESERVE S0MEONE WH0 IS 0N TRACK AND IS MATURE. AND KN0WS EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT. i.e., not her. Translation: “You’re really nice, and deserve better,” or “you’re kind of a pussy and I can’t see myself ever dating you seriously.” ME: U have plenty goin 4 u d0rk. Realize u derserve much better then u get. Just dont let other people take advantage of u. See, this is why this frame will lose every time. There’s literally not a good option for you to say here. She’s just implied rejection towards you but saying you deserve better (she did this while consoling you). If you say here, “no, you’re could enough” like you did, you come across as weak and needy. If you say, “you’re right, I’ll keep looking,” then you just validate her choice. GIRL: Ok thanks xxx ME: :( Aww… it’s a little emo-party. Let’s feel sorry for ourselves and console each other… *vomits* ME: I get what ur goin thru, my only thing is to be honest with me...for example idk why u went home sunday but i heard 3 different stories.


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OK. Good job finally pushing the issue. But push it harder. Ask her exactly what happened. Who cares what other people said. If the issue is between you and her, keep it between you and her. And by the way, if you’re hearing three different stories from your group of friends, your friends are overly-dramatic and/or liars. Find a new (and preferably happier) crowd to hang around. GIRL: I went because i wanted to stay home for a change. Plus my mom needed me home for something that had to do with my dad. Legit. Take it or leave it. ME: :) I have one last question, can you call me? ME: I wanna tell you what people are telling me Why? So you can suck her into another spiral of drama, another game of he-said-she-said, so you two can get upset all over again and throw pity parties together and then console each other all over again? Threesomes and fuck buddies aside, you have some fundamental communication, lifestyle and social circle issues to deal with. You come across as very needy and pathetic, and as a result you’re attracting girls who are dramatic and have low self-esteem. You need to man the fuck up and quit being all weepy around girls like this. It really gets you nowhere.


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She Just Wants to Get Laid (Online) This started when she messaged me on myspace, but to be honest I'm not exactly sure where I went wrong. Her profile appeared very legit, not one of the obviously fake ones. Her: Hey there!! how are you? Smile Me: Have we met? I'm not always the best with names and faces. If not, I'm happy to have a new friend, but I'd be curious to know more about you. A guy can never be to careful these days. You never know if the person on the other computer is actually a 50 yr old dude petting a chicken in his basement somewhere. Wink Anyhow, what's your story? You’re demonstrating too much interest off the bat. She messaged you out of no where, make her game you a little. I know you’re trying to come off as “prove yourself to me” but the fact you’re putting so much effort into it is sabotaging what you’re saying. Her: No, i dont think weve met, i just thought u were nice, and interesting.. and no, lol Im no 50 yr old man petting a chicken.. are you? Im real.. lol Well my story.. Im originally from Santa Barbara CA, moved up here when i was 10, i just work alot and taking a few classes at the college, i start again tomorrow. My mom is in Chicago and ive been watching her house. just me and my dog, lol... I like skiing, walking my dog, just being outdoors. I love horror movies and comedy. Ok, im starting to sound like a personal ad, so im gonna stop for now.. lol.. so what do you do? If this isn’t legit, it sounds pretty damn close. She seems self-conscious and VERY interested in you. Time to reward her for her interest. Me: I'd think about adding you as a friend, but I'm still a little unsure. It's kind of an exclusive club, you know. haha.. I do like the stuff you have posted under funny pictures though, so you're on the right track. What else can you tell me? See, now you’re giving her a hard time too late. She’s already laid out pretty plainly that she wants to meet you, so why would you make it even harder for her? As for your question about what I do... I'm an ass model, you know Calvin Klein, fruit of the loom etc.. Out of place. Try-hard. ok, ok I'll give you the real story, but the model version is probably more exciting. I work as a xx(my job)xx, and absolutely love my job. While I love my job, I don't believe in letting work Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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define my life. If I could be known for anything, I'd like to be known as someone who has a lot going on in life, is surrounded by good people, and is living the best life I can. This is good, you should have started and stuck with this. There are a lot more details to it than that of course, but I'm assuming you want the short version not a novel. Oh, one detail I should warn you about: I can sometimes have a sarcastic sense of humor. I hope you can handle it. You assume she doesn’t want to read much about you = bad. You warn her about your humor = bad. You say you “hope” she can handle it = bad. All three of these things sub-communicate, “I hope you like me.” Dude, she ALREADY LIKES YOU. You don’t have to game her. Just be cool. You don’t have to make her qualify herself or tease her or warn her about shit. Just be yourself and let it happen. Nice to meet you, PS: Based on your funny pictures, you should definitely check out .. (funny web site ) if you haven't already seen it. Some funny stuff! Her: im a very sarcastic person too.. lol, so we should get along just fine, lol.. my dad was a xx(same job as me) he loved too! so what do you do for fun? xoxo Translation: “I like you! Lol, so we should get along just fine, lol.. I like you! So what do you do for fun? (P.S., I like you!) Her: ask me some questions and ill answer,im gonna stay up for a bit then go to bed cuz i have school tomorrow. k loser? xoxo Eh, personally I find this a bit annoying. I realize she’s really interested and wants to keep the conversation going. But she’s being pushy. Whatever though, it’s a good problem to have. The “loser” needs to be addressed. She’s gaming you, so don’t be harsh. But you have to game her back. Me: Loser?? That's all you've got? I'm a little underwhelmed. You handle it just fine. Going to bed early on a school night... you sound far too responsible. I might have to start calling you granny. I can come up with all sorts of jokes about your dresser full of granny panties or how you forgot to take your meds. Wink


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The tease is kind of corny, but it’s warranted. She’s teased you and broken rapport, so to regain the frame you should tease back before you comply with her, which you do. Hopefully that makes sense and I don’t have to explain it. As for what I like to do, the question is probably what don't I do, and if I don't then chances are I'm down for trying it. I'm a sucker for good conversation, and enjoy hanging out with close friends, especially if it includes some good food and drinks or coffee. I like good beer, wine, root beer, and the occasional martini, but I'm not really into getting trashed these days. Travel, especially international. So far, I've been to Italy, London and Paris, but I'm having a hard time deciding where to go next. Of course, there is plenty of outdoorsy stuff, like skiing, snowshoeing, camping, backpacking, hiking, disc golf, climbing etc. This next year I think I'm going to try Mt. biking and fly fishing which will be new for me. I'm interested in nature related stuff like botany, geology and other such awesomeness… lol I've also been playing guitar a lot recently, which is not to say that I'm a rock star. I also like more mellow time as well, maybe reading, watching a movie, or just taking time for reflection. There are, of course, other things I enjoy as well… but this is long already and one "long walks on the beach" from away sounding like a personal. Hope your first day back at school was nice, You talk too much about yourself here. You want to give her just enough to want to find out more. And then you use the personal ad joke that she used. If you cut this in half and ditched the joke at the end, it’d be fine. Her: early? i went to bed at midnight! granny panties? gross, umm hell no... This is why I didn’t like the tease. When you flirt, you don’t want to put the image of granny panties in a girl’s head. It’s just… not sexy. And we don’t want not sexy. I love traveling, ive only been to Costa Rica and everywhere i think of in Mexico. My mom travels alot though, I think shes been to almost every country.. I love the outdoors too. School has been pretty good so far, im on the waiting list for 2 classes so i dont know if ill get them. you play the guitar do you? thats cool.. so whats ur fav. kind of muisic? i love classic rock!! so when r ur days off? would u ever wanna maybe meet? have coffee? or a drink or two? Translation: “Would you like to maybe fuck? “ This is in the bag, dude. Me: My music tastes are pretty eclectic so it's hard to put myself into a category. It can include anything, ranging from reggae, rock, bluegrass, folk, world, funk, to hip hop. The only things I'm not really into are pop music and classical, and there are even a few exceptions with those. I'm Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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cool with classic rock, as far as stuff that I might listen to often or own: Jimi Hendrix, Led Zepplin, The Doors, Niel Young, Pink Floyd, CCR, Dire Straights, (plus some of Mark Knoppfler's newer stuff) and probably a few more. Zzzz…. Costa Rica huh, I think an old friend from college just moved there from Panama, it sounds like an exciting and exotic area. How did you like it, any fun stories? Sure, I'd be down for hooking up with my new friend for a cup of coffee or tea. I will probably bring my bodyguard along though. Why so casual? She wanted to go out for drinks. Girl asking to get drunk with you = girl asking for sex. Guy asking to get coffee together = guy not asking for sex. Come on, this should be obvious! (there was a terrible pic I linked here) I don't like having to take him everywhere, but when your a model you do have to find ways to keep all of the adoring females from damaging the goods. Wink Bruises just go over well at photo shoots. haha A simple “yes” was all that was necessary here. Everything else is just hurting you. You talk too much about yourself again. And the underwear model and bodyguard jokes are a thin veneer for being insecure with the situation. If I was in this situation, I would say, “sure, I’m available tomorrow.” That’s it. She’s gaming me and I’m going to say absolutely nothing to interfere with it. Her: so what r u up to today? working? hun, you need to stop dreaming about being an under wear model... I know its been your dream since you were young but its not realistic. And having an imaginary bodyguard at age 29 is not cool, i think you might need some therapy, i am here for you... God Bless xoxo- text me xxx-xxx-xxxx Dude, maybe she should send me some demolitions because right now she’s gaming YOU! Haha! What follows is a text series from later that evening ME: haha nice one! do all of your therapy sessions involve crushing a man's dreams? Her: No, only you! Smile Me: I bet if I decided to be an astronaut you'd tell me that wasn't realistic either =P Her: No I would tell u to go for it!


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Decent banter. You should be thinking, “This is on!” right now. Me: Phew, I was beginning to think the only option left for me was selling my body for crack money! Her: You can sell yourself to me, ill even give you a big tip Do I even have to translate this one for you? Me: Deal! and don't worry I believe in providing a quality service and customer satisfaction Wow, I can hear her attraction deflating with this line. Way too eager. This girl is doing ALL of the work for you. You just have to sit back and act like this happens to you every day. Every time you get eager or too excited, her interest is going to plummet. Her: Well thats good! lol what u doin? I'm working, and I'm tired and I have to wake up to go to school early tommorrow! Me: I'm working on an application letter for grad school next fall. Sorry to hear your tired. Where do you work? Her: I work at worldmarket part-time Me: Well I hope your night finishes well! We will have to meet up soon. You seem to have reverted into super-nice-guy all the sudden. You need to keep the banter going. You two had sexual tension and suddenly it’s gone. With that one line earlier, it seems like the tables have turned – whereas before she was gaming you and perceived you to be of higher value than her, now it’s the reverse and she’s lost interest. You’ve become too easy and boring. Her: Yea for sure, u say when.... Translation: “Pick a time and place and I’ll be there.” She’s really rooting for you dude. You’re killing yourself on this one. Me: I could probably squeeze in a cup of coffee or tea Friday during the day or if that doesn't work Sunday looks good. Pick a time and place. Fuck coffee. Fuck tea. This girl was asking you out for DRINKS on MySpace and you’re planning a coffee date days in advance with her. She’s basically been screaming at you, “FUCK ME” for days and you’re trying to follow proper nice guy protocol. She wants to be dominated. And you’re just a puppy who will go wherever Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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she tells you to. She’s looking for a MAN who is going to take charge and who can handle her. And instead, she’s got an eager boy, trying to impress her and accommodate her. Her: Friday is no good for me, neither is Sunday Her: People don't squeeze me into their schedule. This is her losing patience with you. Me: lol perhaps what I should have said was that i'm busy but happy to make time. And this is you guaranteeing that she’ll never talk to you again. You’re way too nice man. This girl might as well have sent you a message saying, “Nice profile, let’s fuck.” And you responded with, “Oh ho ho, should I bring my bodyguard? How about a cup of tea next Sunday where I can bore you with drawn out stories about Italy and classic rock? But don’t worry! If we have schedule conflicts, I’ll be sure to compromise with you.” As you read this, this chick is getting railed by some guy who doesn’t try to impress, who doesn’t try to be witty or interesting, who just doesn’t give a fuck what this girl thinks of him… and he’s nailing her so hard her legs wobble when she tries to walk. And guess what, that’s all she wanted! Coulda been you man… coulda been you…


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Wow! what a profile! You are really full of yourself and you are only 5'0'' have you thought about joining a circus? Just to let you know USA is a country of immigrants, NOBODY is really from here, just the native americans are americans and I hope you knwo how they live in the reservations and how the were killed for the white man a long time ago. For immigrants like me, speaking and writing english is not too easy like it is for somebody that was borne in this country, plus a lot of US talk, read and write more than one language, in my case: Spanish, English and Portuguese. You should get educated before you open your mouth. I hope you can forgive me if a wrote something wrong in your primary language. I hope you'll find your match at the circus, good luck! OK, right off the bat, you’re picking a fight. I don’t know if you’re legitimately offended by her profile. I checked her profile that you sent me (I’m not going to re-post for privacy reasons) and although she’s very full of herself, I don’t think she’s bashing immigrants. I think you’re being a little touchy on the immigrant topic and picking a fight with her. I can’t imagine you getting a good response back from her on this. What are you talking about you monkey, YOU don't even know how to spell. I'll meet someone at a circus? You belong in the freak show, who cares if I'm only 5'0? You really need to get a life and what are you talking about Native Americans yeah you're an IMMIGRANT yourself. She engages you in the fight you tried to pick. She’s a feisty one. This is what you asked for, this is what you got. I would step back here and cool things down, try to create an actual conversation. Basically apologize without apologizing. Yeah I'm an immigrant, thank God! At least I know that USA is not the world, just a country that makes part of it. I've been in 3 countries, I speak 3 languages and met women from everywhere. In your case, you are american, white, too shooooooort, stuck up and I'm sure you read people magazine and try to be cool and fake all the time. So predictable and boring. If there is something interesting about you, let me know. You’re insulting her. What does it matter my height, you act like you're the tallest man in the world. Who the hell reads people magazine. LEAVE ME ALONE you weirdo get a life. The “LEAVE ME ALONE” thing here is interesting. If she really wanted you to go away, she’d just quit responding. So there is SOME interest there, but right now, you guys are fighting and you need to end the fight and get to know her. Judging from her profile and her responses here, I Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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feel like this is a low self-esteem girl who probably secretly likes guys who are mean to her, which let’s be honest, you ARE being mean to her and nothing else. This is NOT teasing, this is insulting. Teasing is when you say something bad about a girl but she knows you like her. Insulting is when you say something bad about a girl and she thinks you DON’T like her. Being called weirdo for a girl like you is not an insult is a compliment! It means that I'm not shallow and superficial like you. You love your expensive shoes, right? So important! You are lucky I don't know you 'cuase you deserve to be spanked for being such a spoiled brat! Good luck with the nice guys that write to you. Oh, you are a cheater, now you are 5'1", yeah right! LMAO Insult, insult, insult. Just digging the hole deeper. I know you want me, but face it you can't have me. She speaks the truth. I think someone got a BIG head! Don't ya? And anyway how can I want you if I haven't meet you in person? What do you have to offer? Do you remember you are short? I can be really disappointed! Or maybe you can wear your expensive shoes with HIGH HEELS of course. I'm not than tall, but I'm 5' 10'' taller than the average guy. And for your information venezuelans women are the most beautiful women in the world, the last Miss universe is from my country, google it if you want. Do you think you are gonna impress me? Just try. If I'm not wrong Venezuela has: 5 Miss Universe and 4 Miss world, try to beat that baby! The miss USA fell down in the last miss Universe, what a shame! Venezuelans are classy! You’ve moved from the insults to actually challenging her to impress you. This will work slightly better, but only because this girl has low self-esteem and probably feels like she has to prove herself to every guy she meets. You still have an antagonistic frame and until you lighten up, say something nice and give her a chance, this isn’t going to go anywhere. What do I have to offer, I know for a fact I make triple what you make. You've never met me, so why don't we change that? What kind of girl values herself based on how much she makes? This girl sucks, but you’re not really doing any better. I feel like the meeting is posturing. I can’t imagine this being anything but a flake. When it comes down to it, you’ve given her no reason to actually like you.


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Well..... if you make triple what I make what do you think if we get together for lunch or dinner and YOU pay the bill? Geez! Sometimes I get impressed how smooth I am. I'm just too much, I can't help it. I'd like to go to a very expensive restaurant and I like tulips. LOL. This is funny, but I imagine you’re driving her crazy at this point. I have to go to Boston (I assume you work in Boston) this Tuesday morning and I'm gonna be available after 11:00 am or we could get together in a town half way of Boston and Lowell some other day. When I asked you: what do you have to offer? I asked about personality traits not money. Stop being such a materialistic girl! Good job calling her out on this, but at this point I imagine she gives you no credit, so it won’t matter. I think it's better if we exchange contact information, my number is xxx-xxx-xxxx. See ya! And don't be boring, ok? I actually think she was bluffing with the “let’s meet up.” I think she actually thought you didn’t like her, so she didn’t think you’d actually take her up on it. This whole conversation is very much a grade school, “Ew, you’re gross,” “No, YOU’RE GROSS” type flirting. You really have to get over the blatant asshole thing and show some good intentions. Three days later… Did you sh*tyour pants? Walk the talk, baby, walk the talk. Trying to challenge her again. She doesn’t like you and has no reason to. Four days later… ok, ok. How about a cup of coffee, some of these days? I miss our arguments ;) sure, i guess See! The moment you say something nice, she responds. That’s all you had to do the entire time. Be a little nice, back off, show her that you’re human.


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You are a witty girl! Ha, ha. Well, we can set our encounter by this mean or I can get your cell phone and call or text you, I prefer the last option because I don't check this e-mail all the time. You have my cell phone, text me to get yours. This is way too eager. We can get together in a Starbucks or something like that. I need to know where do you live or where do you work to see where is gonna be easier for us to get together. This is gonna be interesting, you are witty I'm witty, you are sarcastic, I'm sarcastic, you are stuck up I don't like little brats, let's see what happens. Just behave 'cause I don't want to spank you........... in public. Bye. Way too eager and cocky. No way this girl meets up with you.


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Fall into the Gap (Instant Message) [This is a girl our hero works with at Gap. He’s gotten her screen name and is now talking to her when they’re off work.] Me: You're gonna be a folding master doing Gap & JJill, or end up going crazy and streaking through the outlets with your pants on your head haha. HB: Well lets hope its the latter. We all need something nice to gawk at Me: Thats a good point. Our new denim trousers are pretty amazing. This is good so far. I like how you don’t immediately buy into her frame with the joke about the jeans. Me: Looks aren't very important. Can you cook? How about engaging me in intelligent conversation? You have good taste in music, I'll give you that. You immediately go into qualifying HARD. This is asking for too much, and it’s out of context, so it’s awkward. Some other pointers too: First of all, as a general rule, try to never text twice before she responds. That in itself subcommunicates, "WAIT, KEEP TALKING TO ME PLEASE!" The cooking line is all right, but too little, too late. It's out of context at this point. The intelligent conversation line is meant as a neg, but given the context, once again you're sub-communicating, "PLEASE TALK TO ME." Then you compliment here, which is uhh... OK, I guess... You're all over the place here. It seems like you freaked out and wanted her to text you back, so you threw everything you could think of into one text. HB: I can't cook thats for sure. And i like talking politics sometimes, usually when im impaired. Although i dont know a whole lot. Just that the govt is fucked. The good news is she's complying, so she's still at least a little interested. The bad news is she's not qualifying herself, so she's probably not THAT interested. Need more attraction. Me: Hmm I can teach you to cook, and it would be interesting to learn about politics from you. This might just work... Translation: Hmm, please hang out with me, and did I mention I want to hang out with you? Awkward and random line pretending I'm not REALLY REALLY into you in vain... Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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HB: What could work? She's playing dumb... because she wants you to come out and say it. This is also a shit-test, i.e., stealing your frame. You were operating within the frame of qualifying her. She didn't qualify herself. Then you tried to build rapport by approving of her anyway and now she's refusing the rapport. These are bad signs... Me: I'll let you know, it's too soon to tell. HB: Haha ok. She’s waiting for you to grow a pair and go for it or say something. She’s not going to lead the interaction. If you aren’t going to save yourself, she isn’t going to throw you a life vest. Me: Waiting can be very pleasurable.... Lets see if you can take the suspense kiddo. OK, just the fact this text exists sends the signal: "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TALK TO ME!" The other thing about this text is that it sub-communicates that YOU are in suspense. This is a HUGE backfire. Ball was in her court, she would text you if she wanted to. For you to text and try to tell her that she's in suspense only tells her that YOU are in suspense. HB: You make it sound like i want your shit Owned... she totally calls you out for it. Me: If thats where your mind is going, you probably do You need to slow down though, I'm not that easy Desperate attempt at a recovery. Ironically, you're still playing into her frame. She set up the frame very plainly, "You make it sound like I want your shit." You basically reply by making it sound like she wants your shit. She lead the conversation every step of the way. Notice that the lines you are using are only correct PUA lines on the surface. The content of the lines are fine, but the PURPOSE of them are needy, needy, needy. Bear this in mind.


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Girls Aren’t Stupid, Pt. 3 (Text) Me: What has little balls and screws old ladies? I like this. Starting off with a playful joke with obvious sexual undertones, this has a lot of potential. Her (12 hours later):Hey I never got the end of the joke. I have been living in suspense for the past 12 hours! Me: Lol. Hmm, should I keep you in suspense longer or give you the punchline... Her: PUNCHLINE! So far, so good. She complies (although belatedly... shit happens, it's text) and asks for the punchline. You throw in a little bit of hoop theory and make her almost beg for the punchline. She complies AGAIN! At this point, you need to reward her for her compliance and give it to her. She's jumped through enough hoops, if you make her jump through another one, she might... Me: Nah, I think I'd like to keep you on the edge of your seat a little longer yeah, that'll be way more fun Her: Haha thanks. This better be a good joke! ...start challenging your frame. Whereas if you had dropped the punchline earlier, it would have been funny, spiked attraction and created a sexual conversation thread, you've now created a challenging frame where you're holding out on her and no matter when you give the punchline, it's not going to be nearly as funny. Me: It's terrible. But I want you to laugh as hard as you can at it when I finally give it to you! Here's where you start losing it. You're becoming attached to the outcome and her reaction to your joke. You're quickly killing any chance for this joke to be funny and definitely killing any chance of it spiking attraction. Her: I will do what I can. You're lucky this girl is nice. :) Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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Her (one hour later): Wait. Its BINGO! And tenacious. Looks like she knows how to use google. Strangely enough, you should take this as an IOI. As much as you botched your clever joke, this chick was still curious enough (or bored enough) to sit around and figure it out or hop on a computer and look it up. I guess you could call this "implied compliance," because the actions she WOULD HAVE TO TAKE to make this statement sub-communicate compliance to you. Me: Hahahaha. Yeah! Nice work. You should get some sort of prize but I don't know what. Right idea, but bad execution. You're a man. You ALWAYS know what the fuck you're doing, got it? I would reword this to say, "Hahaha. Yeah! Nice work. You should get a prize for being so damn clever." This would elicit her to say, "Oh! What's the prize!?! Which can easily be converted to either a phone call or day 2. Instead, you don't come out and make any sort of strong statement, and what happens when men don't make strong statements? Her: A bingo card perhaps? They lose the frame. Me: Boring! Besides, I don't have one This just plain miscalibrated. Let's do a little recap. You botched a good joke, didn't reward her for her compliance, and then struggled with your "prize" flirtation. Right here she's basically TRYING to save your ass by giving you an idea. What do you do? You shut her down outright, killing her thread. Dude, she's throwing you a life preserver and you basically say, "No thanks, I can swim to shore." Her: Then my prize shall be nothing. And that's what you end up with... nothing.


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Facebook Cold Approach (Online) You're adorable, so adorable in fact that I've decided im going to adopt you as my new little sister. Don't worry, we'll spend all our time together climbing trees and drinking kool-aid. Although, you're an emo music girl, so we'd totally fight all the time about whose music to play in the car ...and I'd win! :-P Actually you seem like a pretty cool person, I'd love to get together sometime and let you cook for me haha. Wait! You're not crazy are you? This is based off Cajun's online routines. It's pretty solid. I'll be honest. I've never been a huge fan of online game because I don't have enough patience for it. I've always figured, "Why spend 2 hours typing up E-Mails and profiles when I could just go down the street and open five sets?" But back to your conversation. The opening is a bit over-the-top, but with online game, your first message often has to be. Any attractive girl is getting bombarded with messages all day and night by douchebags. The only exception to this MIGHT be Facebook. Facebook still isn't such a hotbed for cold approach online game (although it's happening more and more). I'd just keep this in mind, that Facebook may be the only site that this would be "too much" on. hahahah wow. random.... so duh i know i'm adorable lol. i'd love to have a big brother!!! The conclusions I would draw from this: 1. It WAS a little bit over the top. 2. She's flattered. 3. She seems to have a bit of an attitude (this can be a good thing). 4. She's flirted back, so she's at least a little bit interested. haha, whoa there cheer-girl, you've got to pass the test first. What are three reasons why you're cooler than every other cute girl on facebook? Going straight into hard qualifying. This is fine, although if she isn't THAT interested, she's not going to go through with this yet. I probably would have sent a fluff message first to test for compliance, then follow up with this. 1. cause i say so 2. cause i say so 3. duh... it's me. Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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what more do i have to say.... OK. This may LOOK like she's complying here, but she's not. Yes, she answered, but her answer is basically mocking your question. Not only that, she is being cocky as hell. I would neg the shit out of this girl right here. She needs to be brought down a peg. you're pretty confident, i like that! alright, I guess you pass the test... for now. lol I'm excited cause I just got a new camera for my birthday! Now I've got to go out and find stuff to take pictures of. Maybe some artsy photos of people sitting at bus stops or I could sneak around and get some secret photos of friends for blackmail purposes. yes, that's it ..mwahaha You go ahead and reward her because you think she's complying. Remember... it's not WHAT she says, it's WHY she says it. Sure, she "answered" your qualification, but she basically mocked it. Don't stand for that shit. If you're really a man of standards, you would punish her for this. Instead, you reward her. You go into a camera thread, which I'm guessing is also pre-made. I'm just going to take a stab here and say that this is a hipster chick (they usually have attitudes like this) and you're either trying to impress her with the "artsy photo" bit or you're trying to DHV here. Whichever one you're doing isn't working. If you're trying to impress her, it's really fucking transparent. She can see your profile, she's going to know whether you're into artsy photography or not. So, if you're not, you're shooting yourself in the foot here. The other option is that you ARE into photography and you're trying to DHV here (I hope this is the case). In that case, there are two problems. 1) You're not taking it seriously. The line about blackmailing your friends is just kind of lame. 2) You already qualified this girl and complimented her. Why would you go back and try to DHV? It's uncalibrated. You need to follow up the, "you're pretty confident" with some comfort. btw, hit me up on AIM. my screenname is (screenname). hahahah will do... that's cool, you like photography huh? cool cool From what I understand, she never got back to you after this. This message is actually pretty important, and I want everyone reading to pay attention to this. What's important about this message IS WHAT IS NOT SAID, rather than what is. Ask yourself, what would an attracted girl interested in my photography thread say right here? She'd say, "hahahah will do... that's cool, you like photography. Where do you usually take pictures?" Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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Then the, "huh? cool cool" just screams to me that she's blowing you off. You've lost attraction, she doesn't really care about anything you have to say, and you've already been nexted. This girl needs to be negged hard followed by genuine connection. Overall, the only glaring mistake you made was not punishing her for not qualifying herself. Everything else is miscalibration.


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When Negging Goes Wrong (Online) You're adorable, so adorable in fact that I've decided im going to adopt you as my new little sister. Don't worry, we'll spend all our time together climbing trees and drinking kool-aid. Although, you are a colorguard girl, and I was hit in the head many times by flags and boxes in high school thanks to ADD colorguard girls. So, don't try any flag attacks on me cause I know kung fu. Actually you seem like a pretty cool person, I'd love to get together sometime and let you cook for me haha. Wait! You're not crazy are you? Same comments as last example. haha omg how do i know you?? i'm glad you think i'm adorable!! you're adorable!! us adorable people should stick together!! but first - you MUST tell me how you know me or found me?!? and no worries... i'm damn good at guard and have never and would never hit anyone!! :) cuz i rock. Similiar responses as last time: 1. A bit over the top, but it still worked. 2. She's flattered. 3. She flirts back, so she's at least mildly interested. 4. She's got a bit of an attitude, except this one is testing you by asking how you found her. haha, I just typed "cool dorky girl" into the search box and your profile showed up! Btw, I just noticed you have "scrapbooking" in your favorite interests? I think you're on a dangerous path there. Cause first it's just innocent scrapbooking, then that leads to knitting sweaters, and next thing you know you're getting the senior citizen discount at Old Country Buffet! Are you sure you can keep up with me!? Haha... OK, I LOVE THIS! It's a little bit too much, but beautiful negging. All it needs is to be grounded with something like, "I'm just playing, that's pretty cool..." :( my feelings are hurt. i like to scrapbook cuz i love pictures and need places to put them. not cuz i'm a dorky old woman. :( OK, despite the fact that your neg rocked and I don't think is was miscalibrated because her initial response gave the impression that she was a testy girl. But it turns out she's pretty Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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sensitive. This happens a lot and is one of the most important things to learn in calibration: a minority of girls simply DON'T LIKE to be negged or teased... ever. They're sensitive about it and it just doesn't work. So you're going to have to recover, which is fine... there's almost never a set where you don't have to recover in some way, but you should make a mental note with this girl, "Negs = don't work" before moving on. You'll have to build attraction through positivity: leading, roleplaying, etc. I guess I'm more of the outdoorsy type. Have you ever been to the Lava River Cave up north of flagstaff? It's this underground tunnel formed by a lava burst thousands of years ago. The temperature is in the 30's all year round! So I'm getting a bunch of friends together to go hiking there on the hottest day in July. That way we'll go from 115 degrees down to 35 degrees and back all in one day! Email tag is fun and all, but I like AIM better. Send me a message if you want, my screenname is (screenname). lol I'm in and out today, but my computer is connected all the time. So if I don't write back immediately, I promise I will soon! OK. This girl didn't write back because she thinks you're a dick. She's probably a very sweet and sensitive girl who is always complaining that "boys are mean!" to her girlfriends and then they sit around and eat Ben and Jerry's and watch "Sex in the City" together in their pajamas. Some guys love girls like this, I usually just pass them up these days. But here's how you deal with them... You have to recognize first of all, that her response was legitimate. She wasn't shit-testing you, your neg legitimately hurt her feelings. So if ANYTHING is going to happen between you two, she has to understand that you're not mean, you were just joking around. You didn't even acknowledge what happened, in fact, you justified YOUR actions by saying, "Oh, I guess I'm outdoorsy." Think about what this sub-communicates to her. "Oh, well, I hurt your feelings because we're different." Of COURSE she didn't write you back, dude! :) My guess is she read that line and immediately said, "What and asshole," and either closed the message or if she did read the rest of the message, she said, "wow, why do I care about your hiking trip?" Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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This is twice in a row now in which you've DHV'ed in an uncalibrated way. They're good DHV stories, but they come out of nowhere and are forced. They aren't going to work this way. You need to throw in some fluff here and there to give these stories context. If you just throw them in randomly, you're coming off as insensitive and like you're bragging (which you are, and you are). To wrap things up, I'll tell you what I would have said here. "Aww, I was just kidding around sweetheart. I didn't mean to offend you. I bet you're one of those girls who when she goes out with her friends loves to take like 500 pictures. I like friends like you because I suck with cameras. (Find something on her profile that I could somehow relate to myself and bring it up.)" This reply isn't glamorous. It's totally a recovery reply because you're in the doghouse. A lot of guys will read that above and think, "Dude, you're DLV'ing yourself! WTF?" DLV'ing yourself is often a viable option and sometimes the ONLY option. The rule is calibration, not being as high value as you can be. The neg genuinely offended the girl. Her perceotion of me right now is, "Wow, what an asshole. He doesn't even know me." To have any chance with her, I have to immediately show her that I'm a good guy and I didn't mean to hurt her feelings. I then follow this up by relating it back to my life, and then following it up with some genuine interest in something else about her (Which I'll be able to relate back to my life later on). The goal here is to just get some positive responses before I even think about getting her on the phone or a day 2. The other thing I notice is that you go for the IM/phone close too quickly. In both conversations, you barely have any compliance or attraction before you try to get her on IM. Quick note: Girls who are very sensitive and cutesy like this love to be called "sweetheart" "honey" "darling" etc. The other thing about online game (and again, I don't do it that much), is that I'd ask for her screenname rather than just give mine. That's basically akin to number closing a girl and telling her, "call me." She would never call you. You're the man. Ask for it and then YOU message her.


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Dancing Monkey (Text) Here is a conversation I have had with this girl that puzzles me. In set the vibe was great! She even came to reopen me later. I started texting her the next day and she responded to each text within a minute. Then, she just stopped. The second batch of conversation occurred today (2 days after the last one) and the same pattern happened. Without further ado: Me: HB the future Dentist! I assume u avoided the cops last night –My Name Her: Haha yes I did. Did you? Good ping for a response. I can tell you did this the next day which is solid. Texting a girl the next morning or even later in the same night is a great way to ping for compliance and help protect yourself from flakes. Simple text, callback humor, well done. She asks you a question in return demonstrating interest. Me: Of course! My parole officer says I am the MOST upstanding citizen in town…j/k!! Her: Lol sure you are. So I like how you just grabbed my friend and I while we were trying to go in the bathroom…is that how you pick all girls up? Funny response. I'd ditch the "j/k". It's kind of childish and if a girl is too dumb to not get a joke that obvious then she's not worth the time. Here's where the first red flag goes up. She's calling you out on how you guys met. Ask yourself what she's sub-communicating here: "Are you a total player? I like you but don't trust you." My guess is you didn't build a lot of comfort in set. Me: Usually I meet girls at dungeons and dragons tournament. U excited for the week? You deflect the question with humor. Not a bad joke, but used at the wrong time. This girl needs to be reassured about you right now and you're continuing to hide yourself and your intentions. A situation like this is PERFECT for a statement of interest or even to DLV yourself. As I said in a previous demolition, DLV'ing yourself is actually a legitimate tactic. At this point you're overvalued and she doesn't trust your intention. Bringing yourself down a notch to her level will Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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go a long way in cases like this. I would have responded: "Yeah, it was kind of random but I really wanted to meet you." The follow up question is vague and super open-ended. It's a low investment question which means she can ignore it easily... 2 Days Later See? Me: I am a poker champ! What's up with u? Her: Lol what does that mean? Again, solid opening text. I like it, it's specific, but begs her to find out more. It's somewhat random and it's showing that you're an active guy. Totally hooks her back in. Me: I won $20 from my friends last night! Let's hang out soon Her: Lol i love poker. Ok lets Me: What nights are you free? I like that you go for it pretty directly here, but then you back off and ask for a lot of investment from her by asking for her free nights over text. I'd just say something like, "We're playing again Thursday, you should come by." But this is a minor flaw in the face of a much greater problem. This girl wasn't invested enough emotionally to commit to any plans. Generally, your flakes from night game will be inversely proportional to how much comfort you run. This girl didn't know if you were for real, so even though your texts were solid, she wasn't confident enough in seeing you again. You also mentioned in the email that this is a sorority girl and she had a lot of sorority functions and crap. I can tell you, I've dated numerous sorority girls and they're often all over the damn place. They have a million social things going on all the time and are of an A.D.D. nature in general. Part of this may be pegged up to uncontrollable factors (as many flakes are). But if I had to put money down on where you could/should have done better, it was with building comfort with her.


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Text Game to Nowhere (Text) Me: What are you doing tomorrow evening? The reader sent me no context or back information on this girl or how he knew her. But what I'll say right here is that texting out of the blue with "what are you doing?" is immediately asking for compliance from a girl. If a couple of days have passed since you met her or talked to her, you should start with a simple statement to ping for compliance. Once you get a response, then you ask what she's up to. I'm not saying just texting "What are you doing tomorrow evening?" will never work, I'm pointing out that it's more likely to work if you ping for compliance first. Her: training why? Me: and after that? I don't like this response. This is very subtle, but she just complied with your question and, for the moment we assume, legitimate plans. If you want to hang out with her, you should ask her here when she's free or simply state that you want to hang out with her (or both). Her: then it’s about 11 pm and I’ll go to sleep haha why? Sub-text here is: "If you want to hang out, say something, I'm fucking busy." Me: oh 2bad, can’t tell you now… it was a surprise… Me: you know what, if you go work out some other day I can tell you. But then you’ll have to promise not to tell anyone. You're trying to bait her here into changing her plans for you. This just doesn't make sense to me. From a purely logistics point of view, you want to get her working WITH you, not against you. You're creating a conflict where there doesn't need to be one. She's busy. We have to assume it's legit that she's busy. So find another time to hang out with her. And while you're at it, make your intentions known. These games aren't helping you cause. She KNOWS you want to hang out, but the fact you're playing games and twisting her arm into changing her plans, she's not likely to comply.


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Her: haha I really can’t sorry Me: all right, then I’ll move on to the K (her name starts with a J). I’ll keep you on my list for another day. Have fun in the gym and if your muscles get sore… don’t start calling me :P Verbally, all of your lines were pretty solid teasing and Cocky/funny lines. But the subcommunication was way off. You're basically trying to game a girl into bending over backwards and rearrange her schedule for you when she barely even knows you. This raises the questions: 1. Why would you make things harder than they have to be? Find out her schedule, and then offer a day on a free night. Ping for compliance a few times first. 2. The only girls who are going to rearrange their schedules for you over text like this with barely knowing you are girls you probably don't want to be involved with. You're basically implying that this girl needs to beg for your time. Then you throw out the, "OK, I'm moving along to K now." I'm pretty sure this girl thinks you're completely full of yourself and you never ended up seeing her. Also, this joke at the end, think about it... sure, you're moving on to K, but what does that imply? All of the girls A thru I didn't pan out. A guy with tight game should never get past A.


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There is Such a Thing as “Too Funny” (Online) Me: So I was a little nervous about sending this since you're not in my match list, and I just so happen to put a lot stock in totally arbitrary, overly simplified generic online tests (I mean, it's like they know me!). Plus my psychic wasn't available to guide me, but I figured I'd take a chance and send you a message to see why you're awesome..... Are you friendly? :D In the spirit of full disclosure, let it be known that I haven't done very much online game, so I don't purport to be the complete expert. It's not because I haven't gotten results from it, but just that to me, the effort didn't seem worth the reward (LOTS of email writing, most chicks are sub-par, fake accounts, etc.). That said, I really don't like this opening. Unless your profile is amazing, you have six pack abs and this girl's a HB6, you don't want to start off with a message like this. You already qualified yourself three times and called her awesome and she hasn't even lifted a damn finger yet. If you're going to go direct, go direct, "I thought you were cute and liked your profile. Are you friendly?" If you're going indirect, then you need to let her feel like she's working for your approval. Her: Yes I am friendly and I for surely don't bite. lol She responded, probably mostly out of politeness. Everyone likes to be told that they're awesome. But notice she contributed NOTHING to the conversation. She just answered your question with an "lol". She still has invested NOTHING into this interaction. Me: Oh really? Based on your profile pic, I'd say the opposite is true.... (She's doing that semicliched finger bite in her profile pic) Right move, poor execution. You need to get her to invest in the interaction, so breaking rapport is the right move here. I think the way you tease her is kind of weak though. This could easily be construed as you telling her that she's not friendly or even calling her a liar. It needs to be more playful. If you're going to riff off her pic, make some comment about her being a bad girl or something. Her: Okay you do have a point there. lol Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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Again, minimal investment. She's still just being polite (and probably hoping for more flattery). Notice she didn't qualify herself or anything. You need to tease harder. Me: Yeah, sometimes I think with world class skills of deduction like these, I should have been a detective. I'd bet I could pull off the monocle/top hat/corn cob pipe trifecta. What do you think? OK, this reeks of "I'm trying really hard to be funny, so as a result, I'm not funny at all." Don't really know what else to say here other than you kind of got out in left field on this one. Her: You probably would! lol Same thing again. Notice it's probably taking her like five seconds to type each of these responses, while I imagine it took you awhile to think up that goofy detective shit above. That's a problem. By this point, she should always be spending more time on her messages than you. Right now, I'm 99% sure she's just responding to keep collecting validation from you. You need to break rapport harder. Me: Nice! I'm off to the store to get started on my new wardrobe. Where can I get a monocle in (City) anyway? Oh yeah, where's some cool places to check out around here? From what I can tell the main thing to do is go out, so where's some good places to hang out (please don't say X Bar! Wasn't impressed)? Going into some regular conversation. Not a bad move. Again, the goal here is to get her contributing SOMETHING to the interaction so you can start building some attraction. Her: I wouldn't know where you could find one. I know for sure that JCPenney's doesn't have one. lol I would check out X Place maybe. It's like 4 or 5 bars/clubs rolled into one big building. You may like that. I don't know. haha All right, she actually said something! Here's where you need to bust on her, build some attraction, get her to qualify herself. Me: Oh really? Well, I guess I'll have to fall back on my Thunder Down Under/Chippendale aspirations. I'd even venture to call it a dream. I mean, why wouldn't someone with abs made Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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from the finest granite not want to dance or, dare I say, gyrate to Motley Crue for middle-aged teacher types? Wait a sec.... Yeah, I've heard that place is alright but I kinda got spoiled for club-like places being from Vegas. Maybe we'll check it out sometime this week (as in me and my friends). Guess that means that I'll have to put in my going out teeth! :D Talk to ya later! Again, trying WAY too hard to be funny here. I run into this problem in guys all the fucking time... you really only have to be like 1/4 of this funny to get solid attraction. You're WAY overshooting the mark. You were obviously trying way to hard and she picked up on this. Check out my article,"It's not what you say, it's WHY you say it." Her: You know what? You make me laugh with every single email I get back from you and believe me it's a good thing. lol Congrats, you have a new job description: personal clown. You can entertain beautiful girls in between their fuck sessions with other guys. My guess is you took this as a cue to keep going, but she might as well have said, "You make such a great friend," here. Me: It nice to know that someone can appreciate me for my gift. No, not my eyes. I mean, sure they're so dreamy you could potentially get lost in a green-grey (not the Crayola "gray") pool of mystery and/or desire forever but what does that have to do with it? If only those 3 world class poets wouldn't have died trying to describe them, though...... So am I to understand that you have a rediculously awesome sense of humor? Sweet! So what's your favorite joke? Googling is cheating by the way! :D This is getting painful to read. Asking for the joke isn't bad. Get her involved. Dude, GET HER INVESTED IN THE INTERACTION. SHE HAS DONE NOTHING. Her: I don't believe that I have a favorite joke. lol I'm just a smartass and it usually comes to me on the spot when somebody has done or said something. lol She's too lazy to even Google something. Doesn't qualify herself. Barely complies. She's just keeping you around for entertainment. You've entered the dancing monkey (that should be the title of a Kung Fu movie, "Enter the Dancing Monkey"). Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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Me: So am I to understand that you're a comedic opportunist/assassin? Good job! I'm not really a "knock knock" kind of person either. I'd say between the presidential election and Britney Spears, I've lost the brain space to hold formal jokes.... You go ahead and approve her lack of qualification. You should punish her here. I'd say something like, "You don't even have a favorite joke? You must not get out much." So what's good in your world this weekend? You're trying to seed the "let's hang out." I'm afraid to see how this goes. Her: Nothing really. I work all weekend so it's just going to be long and tiresome. How about you? Translation: "We're not going to hang out, so don't bother asking." Me: Nothing? Well it sounds like you're going to have to work on that! :D Break rapport, that's good. But it's too little too late. You're not going to coax this chick out, that would actually, you know, require her getting off her ass and contributing something to a social interaction. Why do that when guys like you can send her emails all day and entertain her for nothing? My little sister is in town from Austin so we're going to go do something here pretty soon. Probably X Place and then downtown. I heard there's some DJ's at X Bar tonight so we might check that out. Who knows where the night will take us? :D (Maybe she thought I was telling her where to find me?) She probably did. Either way, you weren't entertaining her anymore, so she had little use for you. That's why you never heard from her again. You really shot yourself in the foot from the get-go here. Qualifying yourself and using flattery to get her to respond and then just saying ridiculous shit over and over to keep her sending back one-sentence responses. You need to get her to invest in the interaction. You REALLY need to cut back on the outlandish humor. And you need to be more willing to break rapport/tease her when she doesn't comply with you.


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If the whole process of breaking rapport/inducing her to qualify herself, etc. doesn't make sense, it's describe in detail in my ebook.


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Flirting with Girl at Work (Online) Merc: Hey my bad for not calling on sat for the fair when I got into town. Ended up just hanging out with HBcollege girl at her house..we were gonna come out and hang out with you guys but the weather sucked! How did the rest of the fair go anything interesting happen? HBmarried:Nope, nothing at all. I mean there was a lot of food, and I probably gained like 10 lbs eating funnel cakes lol, but other then that, nothing was goin on You show pre-selection with HBCollege and point out the fact that you stood HER up (although my guess is she doesn't care a whole lot). This is good as it sets a precedent of higher social value. Just a couple notes on married women. Typically, if they're very happy with their husband, you're never going to get anywhere, they won't even flirt back with you. This woman is flirting a bit, so that's a good sign. Because they're so wrapped up in commitment, comfort game provides very little (one of the few situations where I would ever de-emphasize comfort game). The best strategies involve building just mountains of attraction and sexual tension, then capitalizing in an opportune moment by escalating SUPER FAST. So with that strategy in mind, your goal in these work-emails should to just slowly-but-surely pump her buying temperature, continue doing so for a period of days/weeks/months and then once the logistics are right, escalate HARD. Merc: Yea I noticed all the weight you gained when you walked by HB: Seriously?!?!?!?! Merc: Yea dude those jeans are looking a little tight HB:Wow Merc, your never going to find a wife, going around calling girls fat! Merc: I'm not going to marry the fat ones anyway so its all good! I love this! You tease her. She's not even completely sure that you're teasing at first, but you hold the frame. She then comes back with a shit test and you still don't budge. Perfectly done. For any AFC who thinks you can never get away with telling a girl that she's fat, this is how it's done. HB: OMG mobs you think im fat??? Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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Merc: TOTALLY, you must be like 100 lbs, maybe 102 after this weekend! Now she's genuinely looking for some validation. My guess is the only way you can be this hard on her about her weight is because she's actually very slim. But even skinny girls worry that they're fat. This line is great. You still hold your frame but use sarcasm as a tool to show her that you don't ACTUALLY think she's fat. So you're giving her the validation she's asking for but at the same time you're not giving up the frame or supplicating. HB: 115!!! OMG im a fatty Merc: Really? You don't look 115. You should def get back in the gym then LOL HB: Yes, I know im a fat girl, you don't have to tell me Now she's buying into your frame and the sarcasm game. She can't win. She's basically surrendering here. I'd actually reward her for this and say something nice. Merc: Its alright, fat girls usually have better personalities than the really attractive ones, since they have to make up for how unattractive they really are HB: Hahaha your so mean! You somewhat say something nice here. You're calibrated very well with this woman. I just don't like the execution. The language is a bit harsh, so she doesn't focus on the compliment as much. I'd also like to note that the, "Hahaha, you're so mean!" is the EXACT kind of reaction you're typically looking for when running attraction game. It's when a girl hates to love you. Other examples of this are when a girl will hug you and say, "OMG, I hate you!" When a girl kisses you and then says, "You're trouble." etc. Merc: Hey! I was trying to give you a compliment on your personality… This is the first place where I feel like you respond poorly. The reaction you got wasn't optimal, but it was fine. You got that sexual tension going. Here is where I'd change topics and talk about something else... anything, even fluff for a minute. Instead, this sub-communicates that you're defending yourself. You should NEVER defend or explain your actions when you're running attraction game. No apologies. No regrets. As Tucker Max says, "If the bitch can't take a joke, fuck her."


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HB: OMG we are not even friends anymore! And she immediately shit tests you again. I just want to note, girls aren't conscious of this tugof-war going on here. I'm positive she didn't think, "oh, he's getting defensive, I need to test him again!" To her, something probably just felt "right" about going on the offensive again. What made it feel right was you losing your frame control. Now she's setting the frame. Merc: Oh no, please, I'll buy you flowers and call you 10 times a day and buy you dinner and fix your computer and and just don't break up our friendship! Nice sarcasm, refusing rapport with her. HB: Don't call me fat then meany! Merc: Soooooo we are friends again? Here you try to re-frame to avoid supplicating to her. This is getting pretty deep into frame control dynamics and for the most part you've done a good job. But notice how just one little slip and not only is she controlling the frame now, but she's continuing to break rapport with you instead of qualifying herself as she was before. HB: As long as you don't think im fat She refuses the reframe. Merc: Well…. Ok what about SLIGHTLY obese? I mean, that's not that bad right? HB: OMG!!! Ok I guess that's fine lol Classic hoop theory here. "I'll comply with you, if you comply with me first." Merc: See, I'm all about making the other person happy.. I knew you'd come around. They ALWAYS come around. You-gym-tonight! HB: Im planning on it now that im being called fat and all lol You frame yourself as a giver and imply that you know her. She doesn't buy it and instead takes the easy route of going along with your joke. This woman needs more attraction game (I told you married women need mountains of it). I'd start breaking rapport again, and this time break it even harder.


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Merc: Yea but the thing is, I'm not really trying to be seen with um, girls of your sort, kind of ruins my rep ya know? So if you wanna hang out at the gym then we got to act like we don't know each other.. HB: Your horrible! Merc: Well I'm probably going sometime between 8 and 10 so just try not to embarrass me in front of my friends ok HB: Hahaha ok I wont You break rapport even harder and she then qualifies herself while laughing. All in all, you're flirting is extremely calibrated and your frame control is solid. Other than that one hiccup, you did pretty well. I don't think there's anything wrong with ending the conversation here. You're sure to be talking to her again, so there's no rush. Besides, there's only so much attraction and expectation you can build online. I think you'd have to get her in person and start pushing things more with some kino. I honestly wouldn't be surprised either if she's just flirting with you online to flirt. A lot of women, married or not, just enjoy flirting with guys to pass the time. So I would say, get her in person, start kino escalating, and if she's completely ice-cold, then I'd just drop this woman and move on. If she starts complying a bit (even if she's a bit reticent), you may have a shot. I'd like to also note to all of the readers, if this girl was single, then this level of teasing would be completely out of line. The only reason this is working is because this guy needs to build a stupid amount of attraction through breaking rapport to even have a shot at her. Most single chicks, you only need to break rapport a bit before going into qualifying and rapport. Once again, it shows that you need to calibrate to each and every girl first and foremost. Good luck on the homewrecking.


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Dealing with Sass (Text) [The background story is that our hero met this girl through some of his guy friends when they went to dinner and a movie as a group. Apparently his buddy wasn't doing so hot, so he grabbed the chicks number. The wingman ethics of this are dubious, but I won't address them here since I don't know much about the situation. But I'll just say, flirting and number closing a girl you KNOW your buddy is into is generally frowned upon.] HB: That was the Gayest movie ever. Thanks for keeping me safe! Wink Merc: Hey sexy. Don't lie you know that's your new fav movie HB: It was pretty much horrible. ? miss me? Merc: someones got a big head! Soooooo how much did you miss me Tongue (she tries to call me and I pick up but its all garbled and static and then the line goes dead) HB: Haha you said head! Merc: Such a BAD girl! HB: Wink I know! OK, within ten lines, we already know a few things: 1) this girl is VERY flirty -- possibly cocktease territory, 2) she's definitely attracted to you, 3) she has no issues going sexual. You did well by not immediately jumping through her hoops and playing hard-to-get a bit. This is the type of chick who will say this to tons of guys and end up with tons of chodes chasing after her constantly. Good job establishing up front that you won't be that guy. Merc: Now your giving me all these crazy thoughts…ease up bad girl HB: You know you like it! ? Merc: I don't think you could handle me. I think your too much of a nice girl for me? HB: Ha! Right…That's funny cause I thought YOU were too much of a nice girl for ME! Haha! ----I went to sleep after this-----Next day 11:58 AM: Good job again here. You tease her and she teases you back. You punish by not responding. Girls like this can be tricky, but I'd basically be assuming I'm going to be fucking her within 24 hours here.


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Merc: Morning sleepy head HB: Morning Dorky head! Merc: Dorky head?! Don't make me come down there little girl! HB: You'd probably enjoy yourself! Wink Merc: I've always seen myself as a giver more than a taker so you would definitely enjoy yourself Wink HB: What's you up to? You went sexual with the "don't make me come down there little girl." Ideally, it's one of those sexual lines that's a "joke" because ostensibly it isn't taken seriously, even though you mean it. What these jokes allow you to do is express yourself sexually without her actually thinking you're going to come rape her. But what happened? She called your bluff. She took your joke and said, "Yes, come down." Yes, this girl is super flirty and probably does this to every other guy she meets, but who cares. Call her bluff. She's calling yours, so up the ante. I would have immediately gone into, "What're you doing right now?" basically figuring out the first moment she can see me. Instead, you qualify yourself telling her that you're a giver and that you'll make her happy. Dude, she has 10 guys a week telling her that they could make her happy. She doesn't give a shit if you are a giver or not. On the contrary, girls like this tend to be the one's who like to be batted around and degraded. This is probably your first slip up. Notice it's also the first time you get a lukewarm reaction out of her -- she immediately cuts the thread and goes to a very bland, "What're you up to?" Merc: Waiting for my laundry to be done then going to the gym..u? HB: Doing an Emt class all day! HB: What're you doin tonight? Merc: House party HB: I am Ironman Merc: I like you better as HB! HB: Aw…thanks Wink Merc: Does HB wanna have fun tonite? HB: Yes she does! Merc: Good! Lets watch the new chris rock comedy then go out after HB: Where? Merc: My place would work I'm on XXX [which is 30 min away, I don't actually write this tho]…how's your living arrangements? Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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HB: Miss me? Cute exchange, although I'd avoid the cutesy shit with a girl like this. You really just have to go ultra-aggressive and all out with girls like this. She's going toe-to-toe with you banter-wise, so that's going to always be a stalemate. You then try to get her to comply with too much. You basically just ask her to come over and hook up out of no where. Why can't you just invite her to the party with you? And then if she complies with that, mention pre-gaming at your place first or something like that. Your invitation is so obvious, she doesn't want to seem that easy by accepting it. I mean, this girl is a flirt, it's what she does! So why would she give that up by agreeing to go hook with some guy at a drop of a hat? You have to blindside her a bit. Merc: Will your head explode if I say yes? HB: Only if you were telling the truth Merc: Ok maybe a little bit ? HB: Haha, whatever. You're handling this "miss me" thing pretty well. She's obviously using it to gain supplication from you. Although this is the third time she's done it, so I might play with just telling her, "miss who? Wait, who is this again?" Merc: You are definitely confident..I like that! HB: I have to be! ? HB: Party party party! Merc: If you don't settle down I'm gonna spank you! HB: Haha, go for it. Wink Merc: I still have to go to the gym first.. Whats your address? HB: Why? Merc: you gonna watch it here instead? HB: Haha..well, I'm actually working. ? Merc: Sucks for you Tongue what time you get off HB: 8 am tomorrow morning…I might be able to leave for a bit though. Merc: Cool..How long can u sneek away for? Wink HB: Maybe a few hours… HB: Wink Merc: I'm headin out..Let me know when u can get away later..Im sure we can work something out Wink Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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HB: ? okay doaky I don't know what her job is, but this seems suspicious to me. You're handling the logistics really poorly. Again, you ask for a lot of compliance from out of no where and you don't get it. Then you try to pressure her to come over again. She then claims that she has to work (until 8am, but she gets a couple hours off to perhaps party... WTF?) all night, even though she asked you what your plans were either. It just doesn't add up. I'd venture to guess that she's avoiding you. She still likes you and wants to see you, but she's not feeling comfortable meeting up with you again. Again, I would have just invited her to the party to begin with. It seems like you guys have mutual friends, there's a lot of people around, and you can still game the shit out of her there for hours. Problems solved. Two hours later HB: Hey there! Merc: Hey HB: I don't think I'm gonna be able to get outta here tonight… ? I don't have anything going on tomorrow though… Merc: Its all good..Ill prolly be in town at the party later on if u can get away..Cause I know how much u miss me! Other than that don't get to lonely without me tonite Wink HB: Don't cry too much without me… Wink Now you're starting to slip. I don't like the "I'm the prize" frame here. Her response seems forced and definitely not attracted. She knows you like her. She knows you're trying to hook up with her. So now when you claim she's missing you and will be lonely without you, she knows that you're saying it to build attraction in her. Like anything else you do if the girl knows your intentions, it kills the attraction. I don't know how to explain this better. I hope that makes sense. Three hours later HB: I'm in town! Merc: Cool im getting ready for the party bout to head out..Where u at? HB: hmmm…miss me? Merc: Of course sexy! HB: ? aw… Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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Haha... I love it. Suddenly you compliment her and what's her response? Confusion. Merc: Your adorable! HB: Aw…thanks! But nope…I'm not! Sub-communication here: "You're adorable and I like you." "Thanks, but I liked you better when you were a cocky asshole." Merc: lol what are you then? HB: Horrible! Merc: Sorry then I only hang out with fun adventours girls HB: Haha…am I fun and adventerous? HB: What do I not have? Now you try to qualify her, but considering she's refused your compliance multiple times and you've DLV'd yourself a few times, she meets you with the appropriate response: WTF? ----I called her here, talked with her and her friend for a few minutes, BS, talk about party, whatever..---HB: Havin fun? ---I tried to call her from the party so she could hear how much fun it was, but got voicemail so I had a girl there say hi to HB, then told her she should've been here. Merc: Ur missin out! My friend said hi to u on voicemail lol HB: Haha, yeah, I heard… ? HB: My friend HBx is sleeping… ? HB: … Obviously if she wanted to be at the party, she'd be there. The fact you're trying to convince her of that after the fact is coming off needy. Next night HB: Hey! Merc: Whats up dorky head Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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HB: Dorky head? I love this part. You use the same line on her that she used on you the day before (poor form, by the way) and she just shuts down. The tables have definitely turned. Merc: Yea it was the most insulting name I could think of HB: Sad did you miss me Merc: Nah Another "miss me?" question. Glad you said no here, especially since your value plummeted the night before. I think here you've been relegated to another orbiter guy she can text every day and get a bunch of validation from even though she has no plans to ever fuck you. But the great thing about these girls is you can turn things around pretty quickly because they're basically always flirting and bantering. All it takes is a few good moves and you're back in the game. HB: Did ya get laid? Merc: I dont kiss and tell HB: Haha! I know you did. That's hilarious. I wish I was there. Merc: Lol it no big deal..Girls like sex way more than guys! HB: Haha, I know, Wink I'm pretty Damn sexual. Merc: Yea I could tell HB: You like it. Wink Merc: Yea I like girls that go for what they want..Its very attractive! HB: I definately do that. Merc: Yea ive never judged girls for it eithr like a lot of guys. Guess it was the way I was raised HB: Smiley good thing Merc: U know I still wanna hang out right? Just cause I get laid dont change that! Wink The window starts to open again, but once again you push the logistics poorly. You're seeking her approval here, which just shoots yourself in the foot. Don't ask permission, just do it! Just be like, "What're you doing right now?" She answers. "Cool, I'm coming over." "What?" "Yeah. I'm coming over now." If she objects, tell her you don't care. CALL HER BLUFF! That's what she wants. HB: Aw...really? Merc: Yea crazy huh? Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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HB: You like me...You want to kiss me...you want me. Smiley Merc: I know you panties are soaking wet and all but try to control your excitement HB: Yeah...too bad your hard on is hurting. Get some. Merc: Dont tempt me! I eat girls like you for breakfast! Wink What she's thinking right now. "All talk. No walk." HB: Well...what're you waiting for? Yeah. What are you waiting for? Merc: U really want to do this dont you.. look maybe another nite I got shit I need to do tonite ---I say this because I feel she is baiting me, and not serious about it----

Window shuts. HB: Haha, not. I'm already booked for the night. Here's the interesting line. She feels rejected right now. She basically puts up a flashing neon billboard saying, "Come over and show me." And you keep talking your way around it. A lot of girls interpret this as a rejection. Also, the fact that she thinks you got laid last night probably adds to this fact. Merc: Hmm ever had a four some? HB: Actually...no, I havent Merc: Have you ever been with a girl before? HB: Uh...nope. I won't knock it till i try it though. Merc: What if I could get a girl..Or would you rather have 1 on 1 first cause I can understand that Wink ---trying to bait her to agree with 1 on 1 with me--Here's the whole problem dude, you keep waiting for her to give you the green light, where she's waiting for you to run the red light. HB: Hmmm. I'm definately for guys right now...not sure how the whole girl on girl would go Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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Merc: Thats cool no worries HB: Did the girl last night have a gag reflex? Merc: Dunno didnt make her go all the way down HB: Haha! She was a newbie Merc: Whatev HB: Any good? Don't know what happened after that. But aside from some minor slip ups, you keep making the same mistake over and over. First, a word about girls like this: very flirty, highly sexual, cockteases, etc. The reason they're like this is because they're a bit fucked up. They LOVE attention from guys, but because they invite so much attention, they don't trust many. The fact that she constantly banters and flirts with guys like you accomplishes two things: attracts a lot of orbiters and screens for guys who aren't man enough to just go for it. Like I said before, she WANTS YOU to call her bluff. That's the whole reason she's doing it. She says shit like that as a joke because she only wants a guy who doesn't care if she's bluffing or not, he's going to go for it. She's not complying with you because she doesn't want to have an option to comply. She wants you to take over and lead her and make it inevitable that you guys hook. Aside from that, your logistics were done poorly. Seriously, inviting a girl to watch a movie before a party is basically saying, "Want to come over and fuck?" That works AFTER you guys hook up, but before makes the girl feel cheap and dirty. Going for her address or checking in with whether she wants to hang out or not just hurts your chances too. Especially since girls like this are looking for super aggressive guys who aren't going to give up trying and don't care if they get rejected.


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Today's conversation is with a girl who our hero works with. He's met her before and flirted with her before. Me: listen up… Her: yes tell me homeboy hahahahhhahaha me: Ok homegirl ;) are you going to the Christmas party? her: yeah think so, you? Me: yes of course, I’ve just registered, it’s gonna be fun! But, you must have a date, kinda like highschool prom, not so long ago for you ;) so… you better fix us a limo! Her: ahahahahha , I hope jay-z wil come to rap just like at my super sweet sixteen!!!!!!!!! (a joke a made when we first met) and we better fix a hummer-limo holla (she’s not black btw, but eastern European) This is a decent start. But your spider-sense should already be tingling. You're using callback humor and presenting an event, insinuating maybe she could go with you. But some red flags should go up: 1) she ignored your tease about her being young, 2) she didn't bite on the event. She's continuing to be playful and flirty, but there's still no evidence of attraction here. (Guys mix up humor and playfulness with attraction ALL the time. A girl can be fun and playful all day and night, but until she's qualifying herself to you and complying with you, the attraction simply ISN'T there. I go into this in-depth in my ebook.) Me: Holler at ya boy, girl! Jay-z is a no go, I got beef with him.. but the game is a possibility! that hummer is a deal, don’t forget to arrange the champagne :) are you a good cook? Her: oh my god! A cook???????!!!!!!!!!!! What’s that haahahhahahah , I can’t cook homeboy! and the game for real make that snoop dogg Notice she doesn't qualify herself. You need to build attraction. She's just joking around with you. She thinks your "fun" not "fun and hot." Me: Oh my god! A minute ago i thought you were cool, but now… I also felt as if Eastern European women took good care of their guy, but you are way too western :P But ok, we’ll order some chinese and if you don’t like that… shit I’ll give you some dogg food ;) Snoop dogg is A OK by the way! For shizzle my nizzlelette. Good move, you go into teasing her. This is what you have to do here. Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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Her: yo for shizzle my nizzle chinese is always good right?! Still not really qualifying herself, she's just maintaining the bare minimum rapport. You need to tease and break rapport her harder. Me: yeah I like chinese, as a matter of fact I ate chinese yesterday. So if you’re sweet we could eat Chinese some day ;) By the way are you guys going to do something after dinner tonight? (their department is going for dinner, and so is mine, however at another location). We might have drink somewhere. Her: I don’t know, some people got to work tomorrow huh, homeboy, but if we are going to do something I’ll let you know. You give her a soft invite. She responds with a "don't call us, we'll call you" answer -- i.e., "no thanks." Me: yeah i know, I have a lecture tomorrow, so I’m not going to stay out till late. I’m also almost free :P I’m going to have lunch with a girlfriend. If you give me your number I’ll text you tonight in case we will go for a drink tonight. Her: damn you’re almost free! Nice, yo homeboy give me your number and I’ll text you! This can easily mislead most guys. I'm still convinced this girl isn't into you even though she's taking your number. You asked her out (weakly, I may add), and she blew you off softly. So you come back with a "Oh, I'm so busy with my GIRLFRIENDS anyway," and then ask for her number. But notice she doesn't give it to you. She asks FOR YOURS. Again, this is the classic, "don't call me, I'll call you," which when it comes to picking up girls, actually means, "no thanks." Me: yeah nice indeed :D Oh ok, that will be a problem, I don’t usually give my number that fast, a lot of stalkers lately… Her: yeah same thing here......... now what? hahaha You try to joke your way out of it. She's still not buying it. In fact, she's saying, "OK, cool, I didn't plan on calling you anyway." Me: Haha yeah difficult.. can you be trusted? Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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Her: yeah sure, I’m not going to put your number on some dating site ahahahahahahahahahha relax. You qualify her, but she's not invested at all at this point (because she doesn't actually want your number), so it's not really worth anything. Me: hey listen up, I’ve been through crazier things than that! :P But ok, as long as you promise not to abuse it. My number is XXX Thinly veiled brag. Her: don’t worry, i’ll only put your number on X-website hahahahahahahahh! Nah just joking. Me: well if that leads to cute girls calling me I don’t have a problem with that. As long as they don’t call after 9 pm, because at that time my mom will be reading me a bedtime story and after that I must go to sleep. Here you lose it. You slip into self-depreciating humor. I used to do this ALL the time before the community. You shouldn't make fun of yourself unless the girl already highly values you. In this case, it's obvious she doesn't, so this is going to hurt you, not help you. Her: HAHAAHAHHAHAHAH YOU’RE REALLY FUNNY! Don’t forget they are 14-16 year old girls, pretty young hiihihihhiih , with those zits ahahahahahh Me: thank you! Uhm well in that case don’t do it, I prefer women with experience. What’s your biggest fantasy? Her: your welcome! aahahahhahah my biggest fantasy i don’t have 1, but a whole lot hahaahahhahhahah She's taken the frame. She's tooling you. You try to go sexual, and predictably she swats the question away like an annoying fly. Me: in that case share one. By the way, I got to go, talk to you later! Good time to leave. You were only going down hill. I don't think you ever had attraction from this girl. She's fun and flirty, but a lot of girls will be fun and flirty with all guys without ever actually being into them. You needed to be harsher with your teasing and breaking rapport. I would have done a freeze-out at some point.


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She was dodging your teases and qualifications pretty easily. You were just treading water for a while, and eventually you slipped and started de-valuing yourself through self-deprecating humor and qualifying yourself to her for no reason.


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Foreign Girl (Text) [Today's conversation is a text exchange with a girl our hero met at a club a few nights prior. The interesting part of this conversation is this girl is foreign and English is her second language. This is actually a pretty large factor when communicating through text. ] Me: Ouch! I just hurt my toe! :( Her: Good good hehehe Her: Are you OK? Her: BTW how was the concert yesterday? She's already showing a lot of interest here. She throws out a playful tease, then asks if you're OK, and then asks you a question, all three IOI's, back-to-back-to-back. Me: If by ok you mean I might need to have it amputated, then yes, I'm ok. Haha I'm just kidding, I could use a hot nurse to give me some medicine tho LOL I don't like to delve too much into the "oh, poor me," self-deprecating humor too much. I'm assuming you DO know that she's a nurse and are baiting her sexually here. All in all, good move. Her: Oh... hot nurse? Are you gonna dump me? :D Her: Did i tell u that i'm a nurse? This is a funny misinterpretation on her part, although it's really important. With foreign girls, they're going to misinterpret what you say a LOT, and often times the way they misinterpret you can tell you exactly where they're at. Notice at first she doesn't get that you're referring to her, and so she mentions dumping her, supposedly for somebody else. But after a minute, she picks up that you're referring to her and quickly qualifies herself. These are both huge signs of interest. Me: Oh really? No you didn't. What a coincidence though... Can you come take a look at my poor toe? :D Good move. Only thing I would change is, "Can you come look..." to "You should come look..." I never ask girls to do me things when I'm gaming them. I always tell them, "You should..." The Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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slight change in language creates a stronger frame and makes it feel like you're leading the interaction, not asking her to make a move. Her: No. because time is too late. it's very dangerous nursing a guy at this time :D She turns you down. It's good to know that Korean girls (and most Asian girls in general) tend to be a bit more prude than other girls, particularly girls born and raised in Asia. I would have been pretty surprised if she accepted. She still likes you, she's just going to take a lot more comfort. Me: Don't worry, I have insurance LOL Her: But i don't have insurance :D You drop the "cover my tracks" quip -- the "Oh, I didn't really care anyway," joke, which is fine. It's always nice to retain some value when a girl turns down your offer. Notice she makes a pretty lucid joke here... she's actually going sexual on you. She realizes that if she comes over to see you at night at your place, things are going to get sexual and she has no insurance against it. Me: ? You don't get it though. Her: Huh? Me: ? = I don't understand Classic cultural barrier stuff. This is always annoying and can state break when you're gaming a foreign girl. Her: Forget it kekeke. is your roommate korean? This is really interesting. A lot of times, foreign girls like to meet guys from their own culture, whether foreign or second generation. You mentioned in your email that she had asked you about knowing Korean guys multiple times. She's basically disqualifying you here, trying to get a reaction out of you. Me: Silly girl! Hahah well if you can't help me, I'll have to go look for another nurse :P Or, take an overdose of painkillers. I think disqualifying her in return is technically the right move, but in this girl's situation, it may Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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not be. She showed you a TON of interest in the beginning, you asked her over, she said no, and now she's disqualifying you. We need to make some sense of this. A lot of foreign girls, particularly Asian girls talking to white guys (not trying to be racist here, but it's true), often think white guys won't be into them. If you travel around Asia and you're white you know how easy it is to pick up a homegrown Asian girl. My guess here is this. She's way into you, big-time. Be it for cultural reasons or self-esteem reasons, she doesn't actually think you're that into her. The only interest you've demonstrated to her is to try and get her to show up to your place at 11PM. She's not in it for pure sex, so she said no. She's probably assuming that that's all you want her for, so her question about you knowing Korean guys was genuine all along. Her disqualifications of you are happening because she's assumed that she's disqualified herself! This brings us to a much greater and interesting point: you've run solid textbook game on this girl up to this point. And it's just completely not working. Why? Because she perceives your value to be higher than hers already. Her: Haha. yeah u should find another nurse but, u can't find good one like me for sure! I think you're so weird person when i asked u question u never answer! She continues to disqualify you. I really think she feels rejected at this point for the reasons I stated above. Me: Haha ok my roommate is from Germany, like me. Why did you ask? And what makes you such a great nurse? Her: Haha i was kidding about nurse. You try to get her to qualify herself. She remains humble. Me: Oh, so we built this whole relationship on false pretenses? That's it, we're breaking up! And don't think we're gonna have make-up sex. Her: don't worry! No more. i was gonna break up with u :D Me: Well you can't, I broke up with you first. You'll see how much you will miss me in a few days! Her: Oh Ok... we'll see then hehe. Hey how come you never answer why u live in (location)? Or Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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did lie about live in (my street name)? You guys have now entered into a stand-off of disqualifying each other, basically getting no where. Although, at the end, she still demonstrates her interest. This situation actually comes up a lot. Guys run textbook game, they get into it with a girl, flirting back and forth, and the flirting just seems to endlessly lead no where as the girl quits complying with you and you never comply with her. What's happening in these situations is she perceives you to be out of her league. She was actually attracted to you from the start and your continuing to game her just made you seem unattainable. Nobody likes to get rejected, so the girls start to pretend to reject you and you end up in this kind of stand off. Three things lead me to believe this about your case here: 1. She's a foreigner. Foreigners are often enamored by locals and feel a bit like an outcast. 2. She's homegrown Asian and you're white. This is a stereotype, but I've seen it be true too many times to not give it some credit here. 3. She dumped like five IOI's on you within the first three lines of texting. In my mind, your continuing to tease her and banter just over-valued yourself and made her give up on you as an option. The fact that she wasn't interested in pure sex makes me think what she really needed to be seduced was pure comfort game, of which you gave none. What you SHOULD have done here was stated your interest in her over and over. Tell her that she's cute. Tell her that you like her. Ask her out on a proper date. I know it sounds AFC and chodey, but as we've discovered time and time again in these conversation demolitions, guys constantly over-game girls. And in situations like this where she already likes you a lot, you're actually better off showing her direct interest and even DLV'ing yourself to her rather than running classic teasing and banter.


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Entropy: High Octane Attraction (In Person) It's pretty straight forward attraction game although condensed very tightly and done quickly (two to three techniques are crammed into one sentence at times). Almost every student I have has trouble generating attraction or creating dynamic conversation on the spot -- so here's a good recent example of mine. (As usual, Doc and I were making fun of Saffron for being Asian near the bar; girl walks up on the other side of me to order a drink) Me: "Don't mind us, we're just making fun of Asian people." HB: "What?" Me: "I said, don't mind us, we're just being racist." HB: "Oh, OK." *blank stare* Me: "You didn't hear me?" HB: "No, sorry." This happens a lot in loud venues. She simply can’t hear you and it’s an instant state kill. In most situations that fuck up, my fallback is to always cold-read the situation. Me: "It's OK, if I repeated again, it wouldn't be funny. So just laugh and pretend you heard me the first time." HB: *blank stare* "OK." Here I’m trying to build some rapport since I still haven’t established it yet and relieve the awkwardness. Me: "You're not laughing. I guess you can't hear anything." HB: "No, I heard you." Huge problem. She’s basically refused to give me rapport. I have to think fast here. If I try to build rapport again, I’m going to come off as needy and creepy. She needs to be teased, but I have very little ammunition since she hasn’t said anything. So on the spot, I flip the tables on her. I decide to pretend that I can’t hear her. Me: "What?" HB: *leans in* "I said I heard you." Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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Me: "What?!?" HB: *leans right next to me* "I said I heard you!" Me: "WHAT?!?!?!?" *smiles* After I’ve made her do this 2-3 times, I make it apparent that I’m just fucking with her. Now SHE feels awkward, but at the same time I’m being a smart ass, so she laughs. HB: *finally catches on and laughs* (pause) "Hi, I'm X" She relieves her awkwardness with laughter. I laugh with her. My joke hit the bullseye and now she feels a little comfortable with me, enough to establish rapport. She introduces herself, the first indicator of interest. Now, I could have introduced myself and fallen straight into generic conversation. That may have done all right or it may have lead no where. But I have some good momentum going from the last joke and it couldn’t hurt to build more attraction and cover my bases. NOTE: In MANY cases, everything I did above would be ALL of the attraction game that I needed. I’m semi-confident that if I went straight into comfort and maintained an interesting conversation for 20-30 minutes, I would get a solid phone number. Guys ALWAYS over-estimate how much attraction is needed. But instead, I chose to go ahead and create more attraction. I don’t remember why. I do most of all of this by feel these days, but my guess is that it was a loud venue, I was horny, and I still had seen very little compliance from her, so I wanted to build that. I go with my favorite role-play. Me: "Look X. We obviously have some serious communication problems, so I'm sorry, but it's over." *slightly pushes her away* "It's not you. It's me." HB: *laughs* "Oh no! Don't break my heart." There’s a bunch of shit going on at once right here. 1) I’m keeping the humor going and keeping her laughing, 2) I’m disqualifying her, in an effort to create more attraction, 3) I’m framing us as a couple, so the idea of sleeping with me isn’t very foreign, and 4) finally, while I’m doing all of this, I’m pushing her away from me (push/pull) in an effort to begin the kino-escalation. Me: "Look. Keep my fucking T-Shirts, but I want my CD's back." HB: "Fine. I'm deleting your number out of my phone."


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More cute banter from me. Now she’s playing along. She’s complying, she’s entered my frame, and she’s having a great time. I don’t remember, but I imagine I’m kino’ing her by this point. Me: "Good. Oh, and Dave and Cindy... they were my friends first, so don't even TRY to hang out with them." *push her away slightly again* HB: *laughs; falls back into me; kino* "But things were so good. Can't they be that way again?" More banter. More push/pull. Notice she’s now leaning into me and my arm is probably around her. Within two minutes my arm is around her. At this rate, I could probably kiss her in another 2-3 minutes. Also, notice what she’s saying, “Can’t they be that way again?” She’s already insinuating that she wants to hook up again. Is this conscious? Probably not, but the frames and thread I’ve set up make her comply by joking that she wants to be with me. On a sub-conscious level, this makes her more comfortable with the idea of hooking up with me. Me: "No... You had your chance, X. You never loved me for me. I was just a piece of meat to you." HB: *laughs* I break rapport again. I want to see how much I can make her work for me. The more, the better. I’m also framing her sexually here, only wanting to be with me for sex. Guy: *comes over and hands HB a drink* "Who is this?" Now things go off the rails. The field is unpredictable, so you HAVE to be able to think on your feet. You have to act FAST. The fact he’s buying her a drink means one of two things: he’s an orbiter, or a boyfriend. Me: "Hey, I'm Entropy." *Shake hands* "HB and I dated for about 30 seconds, but we just broke up." HB: "Yeah, he's my ex now." Guy: "Wow, what about me?" Guys are always concerned about other guys in sets, but seriously, read this. This guy is practically giving her to me. Can you say “needy?” Also, notice I immediately engage him and imply with the “we just broke up” that I’m not a threat to him. Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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In hindsight, it would have been really awesome to say right here, “Don’t worry man, you can be her ex too.” ;) HB: "Oh... uhh... You're still in the picture." Notice her buying temperature plummets in the face of his neediness. Me: *Puts hand on AMOG's shoulder* "Dude... I got one word for you... overrated." HB: "laughs; slightly shocked" The hand on shoulder asserts my dominance. This guy is a pussy, and I could steamroll him if I wanted to. The only thing that is going to prevent me from fucking this girl is if it’s her boyfriend. There’s plenty of pussy in the world, I don’t need to ruin this poor guy’s year by taking his girlfriend home in front of him. I call the girl overrated to spark up the sexual energy again. This dude has absolutely killed the state of the group. Also, the ballsiness of the fact that I said this to the guy builds even more attraction. Guy: "Oh dude, he just dissed you." Guy Who Can’t Stand Up For Himself #5,193,312 Me: "Don't get me wrong... she just makes up for it in... other ways." HB: *Laughs* "Oohh..." Guy: *silent* Here I’m framing her sexually again. She gave me a look here like, “if only you knew.” I was pretty convinced I could have fucked this girl within an hour. The guy has been steamrolled. He’s speechless. I decide to find out logistics to see if I want to pursue it. Me: "So how do you guys know each other?" So it turned out that he was her boyfriend, although I'm utterly convinced I could have stolen her away if I kept at it -- especially if Doc had still been around to occupy him. But either way, BF destroying's not really my thing. I got punched in the face once for doing it, and there were 20 other hot girls at the bar, so why bother? If I WERE to steal her. I’d probably introduce the two of them to Doc. With Doc occupying him, I’d probably get 10-15 minutes with her one on one. I’d probably keep a lot of the banter and flirting going (although back off on the kino). If I thought I could get her to ditch the boyfriend Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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that night, I could do that. If not, I’d take her number, get her as horny as possible, tell her all the nasty shit I’d do to her (that her boyfriend is too weak to do) and maybe even call her after the club closed.


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Entropy: Yes, I am an Asshole. And? (Phone) This girl was moving into my apartment while I was moving out. We had flirted on and off for an entire day until I finished moving out. Then we had a small fight over who was supposed to move some shit. The entire day she had been very flirty but also very demanding. I had little patience for it and ended up ditching her mid-day. I was having a party that night, and I decided if I was ever going to see this girl again, I needed to patch things up and get her out that night. This is the phone call that ensued. HB: "Hey." Me: "Hey, it's Entropy4." HB: "Hi." (said coldly) She’s mad at me. She’s attracted to me (from the flirting earlier in the day), but she’s mad at me. We had a fight over who was supposed to move some furniture and I felt like she had been rude, so I ditched her, leaving her to do all the work herself. From the outset, I need to win her back. As usual in tight spots, I cold read the situation. Me: "Sounds like you think I'm an asshole.” HB: "Well, it's not like I'm surprised or anything." This is interesting. This says a few things about how she perceives me: 1) I’m a guy who does whatever the fuck he wants, 2) a guy who potentially pisses people off, 3) a guy she doesn’t have any control over. These are all attractive traits, even if they annoy her at times. So even though she’s saying something “bad” to me, it reassures me that she’s attracted, and all I have to do is make her feel better. Me: "Hah, well, then allow me to apologize. My friend was in a hurry. I was actually considering coming back and moving that stuff for you." This should patch things up. HB: "Oh yeah, considering? It IS your shit after all." She still tries to blame me or make me feel like an asshole for what I did. I don’t indulge her in this luxury. I already apologized, that should be good enough.


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But do I say that? Do I say, “I said I was sorry! That should be good enough!” No. That’s weak. A strong, centered man ACTS it. It doesn’t phase me. I apologized, in my mind, everything’s fine and if she wants to hold a grudge, that’s her issue. Meanwhile, I’m going to continue pushing her to comply with me again. Me: "Yeah, but see, I'm pretty busy over here. We're setting up for our housewarming party. I have to know, how important is it to you?" HB: "Pretty important, I need to get this shit out of here." I simply lead her with a question and get her to comply. I’m also setting her up for a joke that I thought of before I called her. Me: "On a scale from one to ten, how important?" HB: *laughs* "Scale from one to ten? Um, I guess like a six." Now this is ridiculous. NOBODY asks questions like this. She has a bit of an indignant laugh, but it gets her to lighten up a bit. It also gets her to comply with my questions more. Me: "Oh, then it can wait until tomorrow." HB: "NO!" Me: *laughs* "Well, you said it was only a six on the importance scale, I have some pretty important things to do over here." HB: "OK, then it's a ten." I say this knowing this is how she would respond. I want her to change her answer and try to win me over. What I’m doing with this whole little “one to ten” game is making her work to get me to come back over. Me: "No, no, you can't do that. Ten is reserved for cancer and terrorist attacks only." HB: *laughs* More joking. Getting her to lighten up. Me: "Are you belittling the severity of cancer and terrorism?" HB: "No, of course not. Well, then I guess it's a seven." Now I give her a hard time. At this point, she’s worked for it, she’s put up with me, she’s accepted my apology, so I’ll come over and do it. Conversation Demolition, © Mark Manson, 2009

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Me: "Seven is doable. That's pretty important, maybe I should come do it." HB: *laughs* "Yeah, you should, asshole!" Me: "Oh no, you have to ask nicely though." But I don’t let her off easy. HB: "I did ask nicely, then you left!" Once again she tries to pin blame on me. That’s unacceptable. She’ll need to work to get me to come over again. Me: "No, you didn't. You're pretty bossy. I just demand some respect is all." HB: "Fine. Would you please come move the rest of this stuff?" I come out and say what I want from her directly: show some respect, ask politely and I’ll come do it. She complies. This is a pretty big thing for her to comply too, but the fact I got her to work so hard up until now probably made this work. That and the humor loosening everything up. Me: "OK, but on one condition." HB: "What's that?" Now that I’ve got her compliance, I simply push her to come to my party on top of that. Me: "You come to our party tonight and have a beer. You're crabby as fuck." HB: *laughs* "You're right. I might do that." Me: "OK, I'll be there soon." I frame it as me doing her a favor. She’s also been moving all day, a beer probably sounds really nice. So in a way, I’m doing something nice for her. All in all, I basically put myself in good terms with her without being supplicating or pathetic. I did this by apologizing outright and then not ever buying into her blame and refusing to feel guilty. I then offered to come back and move the stuff for her, but I made her work for it through some verbal games (that were funny too) and by making her ask me nicely. Once she complied with this, all I had to do was ask her to my party. When I went over there, I moved the stuff for her. We started flirting again and talked for a bit. She ended up coming to my party. We slept together that night and she actually became my girlfriend for a long time.


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About the Author All conversations in this book are taken from actual students and readers and were used with consent of the original owners. Mark “Entropy” Manson is a professional dating coach and Pick Up Artist. He has been coaching guys both online and in-person for almost two years in a dozen major cities throughout the Western World. For more information on Mark, you can check out his site: www.entropypua.com Mark currently resides in Boston, USA.


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Entropy-Conversation Demolitions v1

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