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B o d y L a n g u a g e a n d A t t r a c ti ti o n , 2 nd Edition www.dating-nation.com
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Prologue This is the second edition of Body Language and Attraction. After the astounding response to the first edition, I decided to put together a second edition sporting more information, and links to further reading where appropriate.
As you begin to enjoy this book, be aware that distribution is encouraged. Spread it around in any way you see fit. All I ask is that you don’t sell it for profit. This information should be freely available for all.
And a favour, if you feel inclined to help: should you have a website, blog, or webpage somewhere on the face of the internet, link back to the site this ebook came from, with the following code:
Dating Advice
For more ebooks like this one, information, and advice, visit: w w w . d a t i n g - n a t i o n . c o m . Enjoy!
Joanne.
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Contents
1. Introduction, So Where Do We Start? 2. Rules for Accurate Body Language Reading 3. Practice Makes Perfect
4. The Eyes are the Windows to the Soul 5. Dilating Pupils 6. Looking Up 7. Eye Contact
8. Smiling Makes the World Go Round 9. Tight Lips 10. Sideways, Looking Up
11. You're all Hands
12. Arm Signals 13. Crossed Arms over Chest 14. Self Hug 15. Elbow Touching
16. The Body Points to Where the Mind Wants to Go 17. Open Positioning 18. Closed Positioning
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19. Leg and Foot Pointing
20. Personal Territory 21. Touch and Personal Claim 22. General Flirting and Attraction Gestures 23. Conclusion 24. Recommended Reading 25. Love Systems 26. Contact Me
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I n t r o d u c t i o n ; S o W h e r e D o W e S ta r t ? Well, what is body language? Technically, it’s been defined as the nonverbal and mostly unconscious communication through use of gestures such as posture, facial expressions, hand movements, and alike.
With training, the ability to notice and define body language can be used to reveal the true thoughts, intentions, and current emotional condition of everyone.
Various studies have concluded that face to face communication consists of a less than 35% verbal Component, and an 85% non verbal component.
Examples of this are seen in every day life; but few notice them. For example a woman who isn’t having a good time at the bar will sit with her arms crossed, legs crossed, and a slight frown on her face, and the guy who’s trying to impress her might display the typical “cowboy pose” of hands in pockets with thumbs protruding, pointing at his crotch.
The purpose of this ebook is to help you become aware of the varying body language used by those feeling attraction for another; because the more aware you become, the better
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able you are to determine whether someone has a crush on you.
As well as being able to spot gestures of attraction, this ebook will teach you gestures of dislike too – it’s important to know these in order to gain a balanced view of a person’s true feelings.
Rules for Accurate Body Language Reading One of the most common mistakes a rookie body language reader could make is to interpret individual gestures in isolation of other gestures.
For example, when someone rubs their left hand on their right arm it can indicate many things – negative feelings, sore arm, or perhaps they’re just cold. It all depends on the other gestures being displayed at the time.
With this in mind it’s important to remember that external circumstances influence gestures made at any given moment. A classic and often used example is the “woman in miniskirt” who sits with her ankles crossed tightly in front of her.
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If you remember that ankle crossing is usually associated with negativity and defence you might believe that this woman’s feeling a little angry or unhappy.
But then you realise the surroundings, and the size of her skirt, then realise that she has to keep her ankles (and legs) crossed for certain obvious and necessary reasons – perhaps she’s just trying to stop people seeing up her skirt!
Practice Makes Perfect Reading body language isn’t always easy, but it is always fun (and useful!). You’ll agree that the more you practice reading it, the better you’ll get. My suggestion is that you take at least 15 minutes each day and dedicate it to reading people’s body language. This way, in time it’ll become second nature.
T h e E ye s a r e t h e W i n d o w s t o t h e S o u l A very true and often used saying; the eyes are the windows to the soul. Perhaps not literally! But they do tell us a whole bunch of useful information about a person’s thoughts and feelings.
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D i l a t i ng P u p i l s When you’re feeling positive, when you like the company you’re in, and when you hear something you agree with, your pupils dilate.
Likewise the opposite is true when people are feeling negative and dislike a situation – their pupils contract.
Dilating pupils are known within the body language community as ‘micro-gestures’, because they cannot be consciously controlled and often go unnoticed by the untrained eye.
Although dilating pupils are often a signal that a person likes you, it’s important to read this gesture in context. Pupils also dilate and contract with changing light conditions; they contract in bright light, and dilate in low light. Read this micro-gesture in context with other gestures and surrounding conditions.
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‘Looking Up’ Used frequently by women everywhere, this gesture involves lowering the head at the neck, and looking upwards at the other person.
This gesture makes you appear more childlike and evokes a parenting reaction in both men and women. If someone uses this gesture with you, it’s likely that they want to be perceived as cute and vulnerable.
E y e Co n t a c t Making lots of eye contact is a way to show interest and respect. The more eye contact you make, the more the person likes you. Studies have actually shown that the more you look into someone’s eyes the more romantic and enjoyable they find you, and your company.
On the other hand, too much eye contact early on in a relationship can sometimes make people feel under pressure; they might be weirded out!
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To make a great first impression, build up a slight rapport first, and gradually increase the amount of eye contact you’re giving.
Sm i l i n g M a k e s t h e W o r l d G o R o u n d Money doesn’t make the world go round – smiling does! It’s infectious. It spreads happiness all over. It’s true - you can brighten someone’s day just by smiling the ‘right’ smile.
There are different types of smiles – guys in particular don’t realise it though. If you’re one of the guys who can distinguish the types of smile, you’re a little ahead of the rest. If you’re one of the guys that was clueless about this, you’re about to become an expert!
Many people use a fake smile to make them appear polite and agreeable. A fake smile can always be spotted because it involved only the jaw muscles working. A true smile involves both the jaw muscles, and the muscles around the eyes. That’s where the adage “you smile with your eyes” comes from.
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A true smile often produces crows feet in even the most baby-faced of people, in addition to this the teeth are usually visible. A smile honest and true is an indicator that a person likes you. Here is a list of smiles we commonly see from day to day:
Tight Lips A tight lipped smile is spotted frequently. It’s exactly what it says on the tin – the lips are stretched across the face forming a near-straight line. The teeth are not visible.
The tight lipped smile is often used by someone who’s hiding something they don’t want to share. It’s also often used by those who’re “just being polite”.
It’s a favourite used by women who don’t want to show that they don’t like someone. Most men were completely oblivious to the true meaning of this smile, until now.
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Sidew ays, Looki ng Up This gesture consists of two parts; a bigger, friendlier variation of the tight lipped smile where the lips are loose, and the ‘looking up’ gesture from the eyes section. It’s a common gesture used by women to convey that they like, or are attracted to someone.
This smile evokes the parental, caring instinct in men, who see this person displaying this gesture as playful and youthful.
You’re all Hands There are two basic rules to remember when looking at hand gestures: open palms = openness, honesty, and liking, closed palms (where you can see the back of someone’s hands) suggests hiding something, being closed to ideas, or are feeling as though they’re in authority.
Life is riddled with examples of this. When people apologize to each other they might say something like “I’m sorry” coupled with presenting their two open palms.
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Open palmed gestures are like saying “I feel comfortable around you, I like you, I’m being honest, and I have nothing to hide”. If you see someone making opened palm gestures at you, take this to heart and read their other gestures to confirm how they’re really feeling.
Arm Signals They’re used in other things besides guiding planes you know! Arm signals are used frequently and are commonplace in any person’s body language repertoire.
In body language, the arms are known as barriers put up to protect a person from harm. They’re typically used to gesture when a person’s lacking self confidence, feels threatened, or just doesn’t want to hear what another person’s preaching.
They’re not a definitive “I don’t like you”, however they do indicate when a person’s having negative feelings. If someone’s using repetitive arm gestures coupled with crossed legs and ankles, you’ll know it’s time to change the conversation.
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Crossed Arms over Chest Both arms folded across the chest – Coupled with a strong frown this has a universal meaning: “I don’t agree with what you’re saying, I am uncertain, I don’t like this situation”.
Guys often use this gesture exude dominance and strength – sometimes to detrimental effect when they’re wanting to pick up women.
Women on the other hand, use this gesture to signal that they feel threatened, unhappy, or under pressure – they typically cross their arms over their breasts.
Self Hug The self hug is characterized by one arm at a person’s side, and the other arm clutching at their elbow. As children, our parents and carers hug us when we’re feeling sad, uncertain or tense.
The self hug is an attempt to recreate the feelings or safety and security we got from those lovely parental hugs. A person using this gesture is likely to be feeling
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insecure. Be sure to use this knowledge to your advantage; if you know the person’s feeling insecure, do things to make them feel more comfortable.
Elbow Touching People like to be touched. Interestingly, studies show that people who touch others’ elbows are more liked and loved than those who do no touching at all. I write elbows in italics because it’s just that, elbows only.
The reason elbow touching is acceptable is because it’s far away from the intimate parts of the body; touch a stranger anywhere above or below the elbow and their reaction may be a little different!
It’s a fact that girls do more touching than guys but equally; if a guy or girl touches your elbow it’s a sure sign they like you, and want your attention.
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T h e B o d y P o i n t s t o W h e r e t h e M i n d W a n t s t o Go The body points, the mind goes. The angles people adopt during any interaction speak volumes about how they feel, where they want to go, and who they want to be with.
Open Positioning Just like with palm gestures, when a person likes and is interested in you, they’ll adopt an open position. They’ll face their body at yours in varying degrees. The rule is that the closer you are to actually standing face to face, the closer and more in like with you they feel.
Typical “we’re just friends” encounters will see a 45 degree pointing angle, whereas an “I really like this person” encounter sees an angle between 0-45 degrees.
C l o se d P o s i t i o n i n g Closed positioning is used when two people want a bit of privacy. You’ll see this when two people are really in like or love – they’ll simply stand there and face each other. It’s a signal they like you!
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Leg and Foot Pointing Remember that the body points to where the mind wants to go. Watch out for body pointing as an indicator of like and interest, but also be aware of leg and foot pointing.
You’ll see in clubs that women’s feet point to the most attractive (or most interesting) guy in their immediate field of view – it’s another sign of interest.
The same is true of guys on girls; they’ll be standing, or facing the girl they’re most interested in. If you look carefully, you’ll often notice that a seated man’s knee will be pointed in the direction of the girl he finds most attractive. Also notice that when someone wants to leave the room, their feet will often be pointing at the door before they even say they want to leave.
Personal Territory It’s a scientific fact that when two people are closer emotionally; they’ll stand, sit, and lie closer than those
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who’re not. Imagine a bubble around each and every person. The bubble encompasses the person, and a small area around the person.
To a person, everything inside their bubble is known as their “personal space”. The size of a person’s personal space differs slightly from person to person, but generally falls within a certain range:
When people are ultra close – for example: lovers, spouses, close friends, or children, they can be seen standing between 15 and 45 centimetres of each other. Only those who’re emotionally close to us can stand at that distance without us feeling intimidated and under pressure.
T o u c h a n d P e r s o n a l C l ai m People touch and lean against things that they feel are theirs. For example, a person will sometimes lean on their walls at home, but wouldn’t dream of being invited into a stranger’s house then leaning on their walls. Lovers hold hands, brush each other’s arms, or “tidy” their partner up by brushing imaginary lint off their shoulder.
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One of the most unmistakable signals made by women to show claim to a man, is when she places her flat palm on his chest. Similarly, a man will place his hand on his partner’s waist or back.
They key thing to remember here is that we touch things we feel are ours and we do this in a variety of ways. Watch for the slightest touches; fingers, arms, or even feet – they’re signs of attraction and desire.
General Flirting and Attraction Gestures When in the company of the opposite sex, the body language of both sexes changes dramatically. Men stand a little taller with no slouching or slumping.
They’ll stick their chests out and suck in their stomachs – they’ll usually do everything they can to appear more dominant. These actions happen automatically around women he’s taken fancy to, or finds attractive.
If a woman takes a liking to the described man, she’ll respond to his gestures by drawing attention to her breasts, tilting her head, touching and playing with her hair, and
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exposing her wrists. She does this to make herself appear more submissive.
There are of course, more deliberate and seductive flirting and attraction gestures which are made, consciously. They’re much easier to spot yet m o s t p e o p l e m i s s t h e m , and they represent a much stronger attachment because they’re done by someone who’s actually trying to get your attention. Many of these are described in the Body Language Project.
Conclusion I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this book as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it. Body language is a subject far too deep to be covered in such a short space, although I do feel I’ve at least brought light to some of the main points you should watch out for, if you’re looking for attraction.
Recommended Reading: The Body Language Project is an extremely interesting project, further exploring the body language signs and signals used in attraction.
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It’s the perfect partner for this ebook because it explains in greater depth the things explained here, as well as other i m p o r t a n t signs and signals used in attraction.
V i d e o and p h o t o examples are included, so you can actually s e e the body language. Sounds great, doesn’t it?
Click here to visit the Body Language Project website.
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Their flagship book M a g i c B u l l e t s is an impressive read, and outlines a set of methods g u a r a n t e e d to get you almost any woman you want, regardless of money or looks.
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The entire thing is routed in female psychology, so it’s guaranteed to work. Sounds amazing? If you’d like to learn more, watch the videos on the Love Systems website.
And if you’d like to know how to seduce any woman you like; whether she’s the one you’ve been after for ages, or just that hot girl across the street, go grab yourself a copy of Love Systems’ flagship book, Magic Bullets.
Contact Me If you’d like to get in touch with me for whatever reason, there are many methods:
Dating Nation: http://www.dating-nation.com/forums/ Twitter: http://twitter.com/joannefallwater Facebook: Joanne Fallwater
I’d love to hear your opinion on this ebook! And finally; I wish you all the best in love and life.
Joanne Fallwater.
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