Secrets of Body Language

Body Language Decoding, Interpreting and Mastering Body Language The Complete Home Study Program

With Body Language Expert Kevin Hogan, Psy.D.

© 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved Duplication forbidden without express written permission from the author.

© 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 2 No portion portion of this manual manual may be reproduced reproduced without without express express written written consent consent of the author. author.

Part One (CDs 1 & 2)

Body Language: The Secret Code to Communication! Unconscious Nonverbal Communication Success Without Words: Mastering Body Language


What the body says speaks much louder than words…. It was early in the morning on a cold winter day. The phone rang. I was still in bed after a hard day’s night of writing a module in a book. I rolled over and grabbed for the phone. “Kevin Hogan.” Trying to sound like I was awake. “Is this Doctuh Hogan?” New Jersey accent. No doubt going to sell me something. “Yes, I am very busy.” Almost ready to hang up the phone. “This is Rita Delfiner with the New Yoke Post.” I bet she means New York. Isn’t that the tabloid? The National Enquirer of newspapers? I live in Minnesota. She’s not trying to sell me something. I sit up. “Doctuh Hogan, we understand you are a body language exput.” Why don’t they have “r’s in New Jersey? “Yes, that’s right. How can I help you Rita?” “The President of the United States is going to give a press briefing in a few minutes saying that he didn’t have an affair with an office intern. We’d like you to watch it and give us your point of view as to whether he is lying or telling the truth.” “O.K. Call me when it’s over. I’ll turn on CNN now.” Why the heck would Bill Clinton deny an affair? Kennedy had Monroe. That’s something you can write home about. If I were married to Hillary Clinton, I mean, the man is only human…but the New York Post…yeah, yeah, yeah…where is my robe. Ah, there it is. CNN. There is Bernie Shaw. Doesn’t he ever sleep? President Clinton appears on the TV screen. He raises the index finger on his right hand. He is visibly shaken. I would be too if I had to deny an affair. It’s one of those things that doesn’t matter if you did it or not. You’re guilty because some moron says you did. “…I did not have sexual relations with that woman Monica Lewinsky.” He rested his hands on the front of the podium, fingers placed over the front. There’s Gore in the background. He could be President but who knows if he can even talk. Hillary is over there on the other side. She looks annoyed but supportive. Why did he put those fingers on the front of the podium? He’s never done that before. He looks like he has seen a ghost. RING. “This is Kevin Hogan.” “Hi Doctuh Hogan, this is Rita Delfiner with the New Yoke Post. Did he do it?” Did he do it? I just watched the same thing you did for goodness sake. How the heck do I know? I can’t read the guys mind for heaven’s sake. “Rita, I’d like to watch it a few more times and then get back to you.” Click.

© 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 4 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

I rewind my tape in the VCR and push play. “I did not have sexual relations with that woman Monica Lewinsky.” Rewind. Play. “I did not have sexual relations with that woman Monica Lewinsky.” Rewind. Play. Rewind. Play. Rewind. Play. I stand up and I raise my right index finger into the air. I say out loud. “I did not have sex with Monica Lewinsky.” Who is Monica Lewinsky anyway? I stand in the exact same position as Clinton. I am denying that I had sex with Monica. Then it hit me. I switch hands. I raise my LEFT index finger and wag it at my TV. “I did not have relations with Monica Lewinsky.” Oh my! I did. Holy smokes, I did have sex with Monica. Whoa! Mr. President, you little dickens you. Tell no one, but I couldn’t be happier for you. RING “City of Bloomington.” (It’s my wife’s voice.) “Hey, did you just watch the President?” “No, I’m working.” (That’s what all government employees are instructed to say when approached about working.) I want you to raise your left hand, wag your finger at the camera and say, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman Monica Lewinsky.” “What?” “Just like Clinton just did.” “I told you I haven’t been watching TV.” “Oh.” (I explain the events of the morning.) “…so now, raise your left hand, wag your finger at the camera and say, ‘I didn’t have sexual relations with that woman Monica Lewinsky.’” She does so as I listen. “Now switch to your right hand. Do the same thing.” She does so as I listen. “Which hand do you believe?” “Huh?” “Which hand is certain it didn’t have sex?” “My right hand.” “Me too.” “But you said Clinton used is his right hand, so he didn’t do it, right?” “Clinton is a southpaw.” Click. OK. Let’s think about this. I rewind the VCR again and push play. I stand and do everything Clinton does. He did it. No wonder he’s always smiling. Little dickens. Good for you Mr. President. RING. “Hello this is Rita Delfiner with the New Yoke Post again. What do you think Doctuh Hogan?”


“Rita, you can say, that Kevin Hogan, author of The Psychology of Persuasion, says that the President of the United States had some kind of sexual relationship with Monica Lewinsky.” “How did you determine that Doctuh?” I explain the whole process to her. She asks a few more questions but she has her headline. I’m the first person in the United States to say that Bill Clinton had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky. Boy, I hope I’m right…. By the end of the week, I was interviewed by dozens of radio stations all over the United States. Over and over and over. The same questions, the same analysis of the body language and the dead giveaway in impotent denial. Worst part was I like the President. Best part, this is going to sell some books. Clinton will understand. That’s how you become President. As a rule a person’s body language should be similar to or congruent with their verbal communication. You should know that I could have been wrong about the President. I’ve analyzed the former President’s body for his entire term in office. I have hours of the President speaking on video. (He happens to be the finest speaker as President we have ever had and that includes Reagan who was also a brilliant speaker.) Had Clinton denied his indiscretion with his left hand I would have been less inclined to authoritatively state that he “did it.” You can never be absolutely certain about what another person is thinking based upon their body language but there are definitely clues in the cues that you see. This was a big one. Now, before we go on, I want you to take your right hand (or your left hand if you are left handed) and say, “I did not have sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky.” Now take your other hand/finger and do the same. Do you feel the difference? Now that you have one specific behavior understood let’s look at some of the critical body language events in meeting with your client.


HOMEWORK THAT WORKS: 1) Record a time when you were in face-to-face communication and were misunderstood when you looked away at the wrong moment or were scolded when you hadn’t said a word. How did your body language impact this experience?

2) Think of a time when you had to lie or avoid telling the truth. What body sensations did you feel and what behaviors did you exhibit that you think may have made you look uncomfortable, anxious and/or guilty.


It’s not fair but it’s true: Your Physical Appearance Matters Your body language and your physical appearance will boost you to the top or keep you among the majority of people in the middle and bottom. You have less than 10 seconds and realistically closer to four seconds to make a good first impression on those you come into contact with. There is a world of research that clearly indicates that you will be judged professionally and personally in the first few seconds of your meeting someone for the first time. In fact your first impression is recorded and is used as a yardstick for all future communication by those whom you meet. Whatever that first impression is going to be on your part, you want it to be intentional and on purpose. Before going any further in discussing verbal communication we better take a look at how to really be perceived as attractive with your body language. Most people are completely unaware of just how much their body says and how it often contradicts what the words are saying! There are numerous elements of what we call body language. They include your physical features both changeable and unchangeable, your gestures and signals that you send to others at the conscious and unconscious level and the space that you use when communicating with others. In this module we will touch on all of these important areas of body language.

What You Look Like Really Talks Let’s begin with our physical appearance. Here are some astounding facts that will give you pause for thought when you consider how important appearance is in attraction. Your perceived level of attractiveness by other people will be a significant benefit or detriment in your sales career and your life. It isn’t fair but it is true. People who are attractive learn how to deal with less than perfect physical features and work with what they can. Before we consider just how to increase your face value in the next module, look at the results of some fascinating studies about physical appearance.

The Power of Physical Appearance Did you know that in university settings, professors who are considered physically attractive by students are considered to be better teachers on the whole than unattractive professors? Attractive professors are also more likely to be asked for help on problems. These same attractive professors also tend to receive positive recommendations from other students to take their classes


and also are less likely to receive the blame when a student receives a failing grade! (Romano and Bordieri 1989) Did you know that marriage and dating decisions are often made with great weight placed on physical attractiveness? A wide variety of research indicates that men will often reject women who are lacking (in their opinion) in positive physical features. Women on the other hand place less significance on a man’s physical attractiveness in considering him for a date or marriage. (studies by R.E. Baber) Did you know that in studies done on college campuses, it has been proven that attractive females (attraction as perceived by the professors) receive significantly higher grades than male students or relatively unattractive females? (studies by J.E. Singer) There is more evidence that shows you must make the most of what you have physically. Among strangers, individuals perceived as unattractive in physical appearance are generally undesirable for any interpersonal relationship! (studies by D. Byrne, O. London, K. Reeves) In one significant study of 58 unacquainted men and women in a social setting we learned that after a first date, 89% of the people who wanted a second date decided to do so because of attractiveness of the partner! (Brislin and Lewis) In the persuasion process, attractive females are far more convincing than females perceived as unattractive. (Mills and Aronson) Among American women, the size of a woman’s bust is significant to how both American men and women perceive the woman. Women with a “medium” sized bust are considered to be more likable and have greater personal appeal than women with a large or small bust. Women with a small bust are perceived as more intelligent, competent, and moral. Women with a large bust are generally perceived as less intelligent and less competent. (Kleinke, Staneski, 1980) In yet another study, we find that young men who are obese are generally considered to be slothful and lazy. Both men and women who are obese are generally perceived to have personality characteristics that place them at a disadvantage in social and business settings. (Worsley, 1981)

Can You Change Your Appearance? Study after study reveals that how you look is critical to someone’s first impression of you. So what can you do to change how you look? You can’t change everything about your physical appearance but you can definitely make changes that will give you a booster shot. Research studies tell us that the “exposure principle” increases our “face value.” Specifically, the exposure principle says that the more often you are seen by someone the more attractive and intelligent you appear to them. If © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 9 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

you weren’t gifted with a Cindy Crawford or Tom Cruise face then it’s time for you to take advantage of the exposure principle. If you don’t have the advantage of being “seen” time after time by a person or a group, then you must make the most of what you have. In other words you want to look as good as you possibly can on every given day. Because of the significance of body image and weight you must do what you can to keep your body weight down and your body in shape for your overall image to be as good as it can be. Your teeth will tell a tale as well. If your teeth are yellow and look like you just ate, your face value is obviously greatly reduced. Do everything you can to keep your teeth pearly white and you will be perceived as more attractive. (You’ve already seen the benefits of the perception of attractiveness.) When you watch the news tonight on TV, look at the teeth of every news anchor, weather person and sports announcer. They all have beautiful white teeth. There’s a reason for that and that is positive impression management.


HOMEWORK THAT WORKS: Increasing Your Face Value Part One Look at your teeth in the mirror. If they aren’t as white as the newscaster on the news tonight you must begin a teeth-whitening program immediately. Teeth are one of the first things a person sees when they look at you. How your teeth look can make or break a sale or YOU. Use Crest Strips, a teeth-whitening program from Self Care (on the web) or if you must, see your dentist. Floss and brush several times daily. This will enhance your teeth-whitening program AND give you better breath (and reduce your risk of coronary heart disease as a side benefit). Total cost will be less than $300 and maybe as little as $50!


Increasing Your Face Value Part Two Get Your Hair Cut (if you still have any) by someone who knows what they are doing. A good haircut makes a big difference. If you wear a rug, get rid of it and get the rest of your hair trimmed. Hair pieces for men are sending the signal of low self-esteem. Have glasses that you have to wear 24/7? Can you wear contact lenses? That’s a great option and makes a WORLD of difference. Don’t like lenses? Consider LASIK eye surgery. What was once a surgery of luxury and cost thousands is now a fraction of the expense and if done by a competent surgeon will change your life. Talk to a doctor about this fabulous option and get second opinions! Look in the mirror: Do you have hair that is visible in your ears or nose? Get rid of it now. Look at your eyes. Are they saying, “give me sleep?” If so, get plenty of rest each night so they are nice and white. The eyes are the windows to the soul. Make sure everyone gets a clear look! Look at your complexion: Acne can be a big deterrent. Talk to a doctor about diet and medications that can make a difference. Stress can cause rosacia and other skin problems. See a hypnotherapist or psychotherapist for help! © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 12 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

Increasing Your Face Value Part Three 1) Record your current weight here_________ 2) Record the weight you should be here_______ 3) What is the difference in pounds? ________ If the difference is more than 10 pounds you MUST start today on a light walking/exercise program and you MUST begin reducing your calorie intake. Your weight sends a message. People read overweight people to be lazy, slothful, incompetent and lacking in intelligence. Start changing that message today! Commit here: I will begin to lose weight until I reach the weight I recorded in number two above. Even if it takes five YEARS I will achieve this objective. My signature below shows I am serious about this and realize if I can’t sign this I might as well give up on everything else today.

Signed_________________________________________


Where You Sit Can Change How People Look at You! Standing in someone’s office is a problem that will need an immediate solution. As soon as pleasantries are exchanged you and your client should be seated. If you are both standing for an extended period of time and your client doesn’t have the forethought to offer you a chair, then you can ask, “Should we sit down and be comfortable?” Unless you are in a retail environment, sales are not made and deals are not negotiated standing up. You may have an option of considering where to sit. If so, you are in luck. Scientific research is on your side in telling you exactly where to sit. Seating options normally occur on lunch or dinner dates at a restaurant and in meeting rooms. If you are in a restaurant, quickly search out (with your eyes) a location that allows you to sit facing the majority of the people in the restaurant so your client is obligated to sit facing you, away from the clientele and staff of the restaurant. This is ideal for booth seating. Your client' attention should be on you, not the waitress, bus boy and the dozens of other people in the restaurant. Your seat selection will assure you his attention. Once you have the attention of your client only you can make your presentation or engage in conversation.

How Do You Select Seating? Ideally you can create a seating arrangement that is most likely to facilitate the communication process. Here are the key rules in seating selection. 1) As a rule, if you have already met your client once and you know they are right handed, attempt to sit to his right. If she is left-handed sit to her left. 2) If you are a woman attempting to communicate effectively with another woman, sitting opposite of each other is as good or better than sitting at a right angle. 3) If you are a woman attempting to persuade a man to your way of thinking, the best option is to be at a right angle if at all possible. 4) If you are a man attempting to persuade a man, you should be seated across from each other in the booth setting if possible. 5) If you are a man attempting to communicate well with a female in business or in a social setting, you should be seated across from her at a smaller more intimate table.


What Do You Do Once You are Seated? Waiting for the waitress to come in a restaurant can be awkward if you do not know your client very well. If you are meeting your client in her office, you will immediately get down to business after brief pleasantries. (It should be noted that sometimes pleasantries do NOT have to be brief. Many of my biggest and best presentations were made in the last two minutes of meetings that would extend to two hours discussing everything from baseball, to sex to religion. The level of rapport and quality of mutual interests will ultimately be your guide.) Once seated, keep your hands away from your face and hair. There is nothing good that your fingers can do above your neck while you are meeting with a client. The best people in the world have wonderful and intentional control of their gestures. They know, for example that when their hands are further from their body than their elbows that they are going to be perceived in a more flamboyant manner. While you are seated, if you are unfamiliar with your client, it is best that you keep both feet on the floor. This helps you maintain control and good body posture. People that are constantly crossing and un-crossing their feet and legs are perceived as less credible and people who keep one foot on their other knee when talking have a tendency to shake the free foot, creating a silly looking distraction. Feet belong on the floor. Meanwhile, your hands will say a great deal about your comfort level. If you are picking at the fingers of one hand with the other you are pulling negative mindstrings that show fear or discomfort. This is picked up by the unconscious mind of the client and makes her feel uncomfortable. If you don’t know what to do with your hands and you are female, cup your right hand face down into your left hand, which is face up. Don’t squeeze your hands, simply let them lay together on your lap. For men, the best thing to do is to keep your hands separate unless you begin to fidget at which point you will follow the advice of your female counterpart, noted above.

How Close is TOO Close? Every four years the two (or three) presidential candidates square off in three debates so American’s can get a clear view of the issues that face the nation. American’s get to see the candidates in a up close and personal way. I’ve watched for years. Last year, the BBC asked me to analyze the body language of then Vice President Al Gore and Governor of Texas George Bush. Specifically they wanted to know what the candidates' bodies were saying, then as part of a suspenseful ploy, they asked me to predict the election, but we would wait until after the third debate to do so.


The nonverbal communication of the debate revealed a somewhat uncomfortable George Bush. He was usually ill at ease and appeared to be guarding his responses. Al Gore appeared overly confident, arrogant and even a bit “cocky.” Gore was completely comfortable, at ease and felt in total control of the first debate. After the first debate, Gore was so overwhelming that his handlers coached Gore to be kinder and gentler in the second debate. After getting “beaten” in the second debate Gore took off the gloves and came out forceful in the final debate which was a stand up debate in a town meeting type forum. At the beginning of the first debate, Gore walked toward Bush and into his personal space as Bush was speaking. This through Bush completely off and Gore appeared to be a lion ready to eat his prey. Unfortunately for Gore, his behavior came off as being rude, arrogant, and too aggressive for someone who was going to be the President of the entire United States and not just those who watch the World Wrestling Federation. I told the BBC that this ploy on the part of Al Gore, would backfire. American’s don’t like jerks and the people on “the fence” would swing to Bush and away from Gore just because of this one 10 second incident on television. It was now apparent to me that George Bush would win the election, though I told the BBC, “Jason, George Bush will win but this election is going to be very, very close.” I had no idea how prophetic that would be. Had I been advising and coaching Al Gore, I never would have let him approach George Bush in any way other than a friendly warm manner. People like friendliness and feel comfortable around people who are kind. Almost all people feel threatened when their space is entered, especially when the perpetrator is physically larger than they are. When you look at the tape of the debate, Bush clearly felt threatened and the viewer feels queasy as we see Bush approached. Gore’s intention is uncertain and because of this moment, he lost thousands of votes. What is the lesson? Whether seated or standing, you should stay out of your client’s “intimate space.” Intimate space is normally defined as an 18-inch bubble around the entire body of your client. Entering this space is done so at your own risk. This doesn’t mean that you can’t share a secret with your client. This doesn’t mean you can’t touch your client. It does mean that if you enter into “intimate space,” you are doing so strategically and with a specific intention. There can be great rewards when entering intimate space but there are also great risks so be thoughtful about your client’s “space.” Similarly, if you leave the “casual-personal” space of a client, which is 19 inches to 4 feet, you also stand at risk of losing the focus of attention of the client. Ideally most of your communication with a new client should be at the two to four feet distance, measuring nose to nose. This is appropriate and


generally you begin communication at the 4’ perimeter of space and slowly move closer as you build rapport with your client.

What is Effective Eye Contact? Eye contact is critical in any face-to-face meeting. As a rule of thumb you should maintain eye contact with your client 2/3 of the time. This doesn’t mean that you look at her eyes for 20 minutes then away for 10 minutes. It does mean that you keep in touch for about seven seconds then away for about three seconds, or in touch for about 14 seconds and away for about six seconds. Eye contact doesn’t mean just gazing into the eyes. Eye contact is considered any contact in the “eye-nose” triangle. If you create a triangle from the two eyes to the nose of the client you create the “eye-nose” triangle. This is the area that you want 65-70% of eye contact. Should you sense that your client is uncomfortable at this level reduce your eye contact content. Many Americans who were born and raised in the eastern countries (Japan, for example) are not accustomed to the eye contact that Americans are. Eyes are a fascinating part of the human body. When a person finds someone or something very appealing to him or her their pupil size (the black part of the eyes) grow significantly larger. This is one of the few parts of body language that is absolutely uncontrollable by the conscious mind. You simply cannot control your pupil size. If you are interested in someone else your pupil size will grow dramatically. If someone else is interested in you, their pupils will grow larger when looking at you and there is nothing they can do about it. This is one of the powerful predictors of liking in nonverbal communication. It should be noted that pupil size will also get larger in situations of extreme fear and when a setting is dark. Pupils expand to let more light in and like a camera, when the setting is very well lit the pupils will contract to the size of a very tiny little dot. If you follow the tips in this module for improving your appearance, being careful about appropriate dress and are careful with your use of space you will be perceived as more attractive in personal relationships and in business. There are two other telling behaviors relating to the eyes. First, if someone is blinking far more rapidly than they normally do, that is usually an indicator of annoying lighting in the setting you are in or that of anxiety and/or lying on the part of the person. In 1998 President Clinton gave a short speech offering his reasons for having an illicit affair with Monica Lewinsky. During this speech his eyes blinked a momentous 120 times per minute. Two days later he gave a speech about a U.S. bombing raid on a terrorist group overseas. In this speech his eye blinks per minute were about 35 per minute. The difference is extremely important in evaluating the comfort level and honesty of the President in each situation. If someone is © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 17 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

blinking far more often than normal (and you do have to know what normal is for each person you meet and adjust for lighting) you know they are very probably extremely anxious and very possibly lying.

When your client’s eyes blink rapidly, he may be anxious or deceiving you.

Second, if you are in conversation with someone and their eyes are easily distracted by the goings on in the environment, this is usually a good indicator that you haven’t earned the interest of your listener. In general it is a very wise strategy for you to keep your eyes well trained on your client in distracting environments. To constantly look around at the environment when you are with someone else is perceived as rude. To keep eye contact with another person instead of being distracted by extraneous activity is considered flattering and complimentary, especially by women.

Always sit at a table so your client is not distracted. Your client should see you and only you.

So, there you have it! You don’t have to look perfect and own Trump Towers to be incredibly attractive to the multitudes! However, you want to take advantage of every aspect of your attractiveness that you can and later in this book you will discover specifically what to do to really bring your best you forward!

The Eyes Have It Did you know that you are able to get a pretty good idea of how someone feels about you by looking at their eyes? You get even more information about how someone feels about you when you put that “look” into the context of their facial expression and their body language. How you look at someone can be perceived as seductive, frightening, caring, loving, bored, secretive or even condescending. The eyes reveal a great deal about what is going on inside of us. If you can learn how to look and send the right message at the right time with your eyes you will be perceived as more attractive by more people. There are six basic emotions in the human experience and the eyes capture them all. There are many more than six different emotions, but most of the emotions we experience are a combination of the six basic emotions. By simply looking at a person’s eyes we can tell whether they are experiencing. © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 18 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

Six Basic Human Emotions Happiness Surprise Disgust Fear Anger Sadness Think about that. Across the world people are the same in this respect. We all show the six basic emotions in the same fashion. The eyes are amazing windows to the emotions we all experience. By paying close attention to the eyes we can learn a great deal about our clients and, in particular, those we wish to sell to today. It is a true statement that most people will judge other people in the first two or three seconds after their first meeting. Therefore, doesn’t it make sense to have them hypnotized by your eyes and your understanding of their wants and needs? How do you do this? You use your eyes in simple yet powerful ways to build rapport and create feelings of arousal in the person you are attempting to attract. To do this you need only to apply the key ideas you will learn in this module. I (KH) recently had laser surgery on my eyes to improve my vision without glasses. In the screening process, I learned that some people shouldn’t have the surgery because their pupils dilate (get bigger and blacker!) to a size that is abnormally large. Everyone’s pupils dilate when it is darker in the environment and they contract when it is lighter. When the sun is shining brightly in your eyes your pupils will be at their smallest. When you walk into a dark room, your pupils will be at their largest. The pupils get larger to gather more light. This helps the eyes see more of what is in the environment. Your pupils will also get larger when you are terrified. There is an evolutionary response in your body that helps you collect more information about an experience that is frightening. The senses all sharpen in moments of great fear. Your hearing becomes more acute, your sense of touch is enhanced, and you can even taste fear. The pupils in your eyes get larger. This helps bring more light in even if the environment is already well lit. Your brain needs that information to help you escape and to protect you from danger. Everyone’s pupils dilate to a different maximum size and everyone’s pupils have a slightly different normal state. However, there is one amazing fact about those eyes: When someone looks at you and their pupils get big and black, they are either scared to death of you, or they like you!


It’s almost impossible to control the increase in pupil size that occurs when we see something we like. This expansion is also an evolutionary process that happens to take in more of something that is very dear to the person. Unfortunately for the observing person, it is an uncontrollable response.

Look at your client’s eyes and you will know whether they like you or not.

Recent research into pupil dilation has proven quite interesting to attraction. A researcher showing pictures of a baby to women, results in pupil dilation of the majority of women. Women viewing pictures of a baby with the mother elicits an even greater pupil dilation response. These same women viewing a beautiful landscape experience an enlarging pupil size as well. Interestingly, women viewing a picture of an attractive man, on average, don’t experience quite the size of pupil dilation noted in the above scenarios! Women can be impressed by a man’s appearance but at least at an evolutionary or biological level, physical appearance isn’t going to turn on every woman who passes. (Just what does turn women “on” will be discussed later in this book!) These same researchers took the picture of that same beautiful baby and showed it to men. The men’s response was a non-event. Their pupils, on average, didn’t dilate. When viewing the baby with the mother there was again, a non-event. Generally speaking, nothing happened. When the men were shown pictures of a beautiful landscape, again, nothing happened. As soon as a man was shown a photo of a beautiful woman, the pupils, on average dilated to a big and black orb. A man, it would appear is very much turned “on” by the sight of the beautiful woman, even a picture of one. Pupil dilation by women, when in the presence of real-live men, is another matter. Women typically are not visually aroused by photographs in the same way that men are. Women are very stimulated by some men in some contexts. When women are sitting across from men who arouse them, their pupils do dilate. To the observant witness, it is obvious. Most people are oblivious to the enhanced pupil size and yet it is one of the most telling signals of attraction. As a public speaker, I (KH) have talked to hundreds and hundreds of audiences all over the world. As I speak, I am aware of the women whose eyes are big and black and I always address my presentation to them, making eye contact with those who appear to be aroused or attracted to me. They don’t know this is why I selected them to make eye contact with (at least they didn’t until now). Part of my job is to excite and inspire an audience when I speak. Therefore I need to gain as much rapport with the audience as I can. By making contact with the people who like me the most, I am able to gain © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 20 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

agreement from those people. They nod their heads, lean forward, show interest, smile, and everyone in the audience sees how much fun they are having. In groups, head nods are like a virus. Once one person nods his head almost everyone does! I receive all of this positive feedback, in part, because I don’t just look at faces in an audience. It is because I look at the eyes of dozens of people in the audience and find the biggest pupils I can locate! These searches are like a treasure hunt that always has a pot of gold at the end. If I can do this with an audience of 50 or 100, can you imagine how easy this is to do in a smaller group at a party or in a public place? Start paying attention to the eyes that are looking at you. You may wonder, “What if you are wrong? What if those eyes are just big because they are among the women whose eyes are normally large? Then aren’t you just fooling yourself into believing that all of those women are attracted to you? My response is, “Of course.” When you hallucinate, it should always be something that increases your self- esteem and self- confidence! We’ll talk about how your beliefs and self- confidence effect your attractiveness elsewhere in this book! A little while back there was a fascinating study which revealed that when you show two pictures of the same woman to a man, the man will perceive the picture of the woman with the biggest pupils to be significantly more attractive. Many magazine cover editors know this and actually touch up the cover picture. Obviously in the bright light of a photographer’s studio the subject’s pupils would be very small. Because of the importance of pupil size and attraction, the models pupils are enlarged to be much larger than they possibly could be. This makes the final picture irresistible to the magazine purchaser. We simply love people with big eyes! Men desperately want eye contact with women. Men gauge the interest of a woman by her eye contact. Men are very competitive and territorial when it comes to women looking at other men. They see this as a sign that the woman is no longer interested in them, or that the interest is fading. Therefore, if a woman wants to continue to make a good impression with her male client, the woman needs to maintain steadfast eye contact. A man’s self esteem will crumble if a woman begins to observe all the other males in the environment. On the other hand, we can safely predict that if we have the full attention of the one we are with, they hold us in esteem to some degree. There is no other indicator that is as powerful as eye contact that can show interest in another person. Our eyes unconsciously and automatically move toward that which interests or arouses us. We all know that and we all judge our value in some part by the response we receive from other people. The eye contact we give and receive is just the beginning of the sales process. It’s interesting to note that people with blue eyes are more demanding of eye contact than people with brown eyes. It is quite easy for us to look at a


person with blue eyes and see the size of their pupils. When they expand and contract it is evident. The person with blue eyes is used to people looking at them for an extended amount of time, in part, because of the contrast between their blue eyes and black pupils. The contrast can be striking at an unconscious level. People with brown eyes on the other hand are used to other people looking away more rapidly because at the unconscious level it appears that the person with brown eyes is not as interested in them! The brown eyes present a weaker contrast to the black pupils. It often appears at the unconscious level that those brown eyes are not interested in us! Therefore we tend to look away from the person with brown eyes when in fact they may have been very interested in us! When the person you are attracted to has brown eyes you must pay more attention to their eyes to see the contrast between the black and the brown. What seemed to be an uninterested person may be someone who is actually quite excited about you! Confirming our beliefs about the value of eye contact in selling yourself is an attraction study that was done some years ago. People watched films of a couple that communicated with each other in two distinct ways. The first film showed a couple that had eye contact during 80% of their communication. The second film showed a couple that had eye contact 15% of the time. The observers of the films rated the couples that had eye contact 15% of the time as cold, cautious, submissive, evasive, defensive and immature (among others). The observers of the films whose couples had eye contact 80% of the time described the people in the film as mature, friendly, self confident, sincere and natural. Gazing into someone’s eyes is much more than just something special for the two engaging in the eye behavior. It is a clear signal to the rest of the world. These people like each other!

The Eyes Don’t Lie Whenever you are in a situation where attraction takes place there is plenty of room for deception! People have been known to stretch the truth about their age and income, their intentions and even their degree of love for another. The eyes act as a leading indicator of truth and deception. In 1997 and 1998 I was heard on hundreds of radio shows talking about the body language of President Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, Kathleen Wiley, Hillary Clinton and numerous other key players in the White House scandal that led to the President’s impeachment. The interviewers wanted to know who was telling the truth, who was lying and what the facts were based on the body language cues I was reading. © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 22 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

Having carefully watched the President for almost 7 years, I was familiar with his every facial expression and body posture. President Clinton certainly was the most charismatic president since John Kennedy. His ability to excite an audience and win over people who disagreed with him is legendary. He is an outstanding speaker who thrives on being in the limelight. There were however two speeches and the famous grand jury testimony where the President was not his usual charismatic self. On these three occasions he was uncomfortable about the deception he needed to partake in. The first was when he shook his right finger at the world and said, “I did not have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinsky.” The next was during the grand jury testimony where he was videotaped from the White House. The third was the speech he gave that very evening, after the grand jury testimony, when he offered his regret for being involved in the situation. On these three occasions his eyes gave him away as being deceptive. The one speech that I want to share information with you about is the speech where he apologized for his behavior. For 7 years I have watched the President communicate with the country and even though has been called “Slick Willie,” his body language has rarely indicated any internal discomfort with what he communicated to the public. In this particular “apology speech” however, his anxiety, fear and deception cures were very high. When I watch someone to see if they are being deceptive, I look to the eyes for important cues. I want to especially know how many ”eye blinks” per minute a person experiences in contrast to when they are telling the truth. For 7 years President Clinton’s “eye blink” pattern is that of about 7-12 blinks per minute. That is very normal. During the “apology speech” however his eye blinking was recorded at 70 per minute! What that means is that on some level, the President was being deceptive in his communication. Once eye irritants like contact lenses and allergies are ruled out, the only internal experience that will cause eyes to blink at that pace is the experience of anxiety normally associated with deception. You should know that some people have eyes that never blink and a small number of people have eye tics that just won’t stop blinking. On average though, a person will blink from 7-15 times per minute. When a person is being deceptive their eyes will blink 5-12 times that pace. Like pupil dilation, controlling eye blinks is very difficult if not impossible. Take a moment right here and now. Simply try and keep your eyes open for 30 seconds without blinking. It’s not easy is it? Now here’s another experiment for you to do. Stare at a friend for 30 seconds. No blinking is allowed. It is very difficult to stop your eyes from blinking! If you are in conversation where someone is telling you about something, and suddenly you notice a big jump in the number of eye blinks per minute, you can safely bet there is some deceptive behavior going on somewhere in what they are saying!


The eyes may or may not be the windows to the soul but they certainly are strongly linked to the emotions and the entire make up of the brains responses to other people.

Sound Bytes from Scientific Research    

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Generally speaking, the longer the eye-contact between two people, the greater the intimacy that is felt inside. Attraction increases as mutual gazing increases. Others rarely interrupt two people engaged in a conversation if they have consistent eye contact. Pupils also enlarge when people are talking about things that bring them joy or happiness. They often contract when discussing issues that bring them sadness. Women are better non-verbal communicators than men. Men can improve though. One reason men aren’t as good in reading body language is that men often communicate sitting or standing side by side and don’t see as much non-verbal communication as women do. Women engage in more eye contact than men do. Eye contact has been shown to be a significant factor in the persuasion process. When women are engaged in a great degree of eye contact, they tend to be more self-disclosing about personal subjects. When eye contact decreases men tend to disclose more and women tend to disclose less! The longer your eye contact, the more self-esteem you are perceived to have. The more eye contact you can maintain, the higher self-esteem you actually rate your self on!


Simply Irresistible Eyes Given what we know about the eyes and attraction we can summarize the experiences of millions of people into a few key ideas for irresistible attraction.  Start with your eyes. Are they clear or are they bloodshot? People who look at you will notice and the clearer your eyes the more attractive people will perceive you to be.  If you wear sunglasses, get ready to take them off. People want to see what they are getting. They want to see your eyes.  If you wear glasses, consider contacts or other alternatives. People need to be able to see your eyes!  If you want to be attractive to someone, look at them. Look at them again and again. And smile!  Look at a man from head to toe on the initial contact. He will be flattered. Look at the woman from the shoulders up and she will think you have depth and possibilities.  Look at the person you are attracted to about 70% of the time when you are communicating with them.  Avoid looking at others for any length of time when you are with someone who may be special. Make the person feel as if they are the only one in the room that could possibly catch your eye.


Scary Fact: The Other Person Often (Usually) Says “Yes” or “No” Before You Shake Hands and Say Hello What you wear, your makeup, your jewelry, your watch, your socks, your shoes, your coat, your glasses and everything else about how you look can make or break a sale before you ever open your mouth. Have you ever heard of “love at first sight?” Two sales were made before two people ever spoke. Both people decided that they wanted what they saw, heard, smelled and felt inside. Sales are made and broken every day in the same manner. In this module you will learn how to help your client fall in love with you and your products and services, before you even say a word. Nonverbal communication is almost always unconscious communication. Most people have no idea what is going on at the sub-language level of communication. This module will help you master this most critica l process of communication. Many self-proclaimed experts of influence have mis-quoted a brilliant study by Albert Mehrabian to the effect that 93% of all communication is non-verbal. That wasn’t what Mehrabian concluded at all. However, Mehrabian and most of the best psychological researchers do agree that nonverbal communication is between 50 and 80 percent of the impact of a communication. The same is true for the selling climate. The first element of non-verbal communication you want to learn about is that of space. The space you occupy while in the sales process makes a great deal of difference as to the result of the process. Imagine that you are making your sale at a kitchen table. Would it matter if it were yours or your client’s kitchen? Imagine that you were closing a deal in a restaurant and then contrast that with closing the same deal in a nightclub. Different? Now imagine that you are in an office setting and that your client is sitting directly across from you. Next, imagine that your client is sitting to the right of you. Imagine you are standing in a retail store next to your client. Now, imagine that you are seated and your client is seated. How are each of these different to you? Each of these images creates different feelings and probabilities of selling your client.

Is Your Scent Making A Statement About You? If you are going to be spending most of your day meeting with men and you are wearing a heavy dose of cologne or perfume you have already lost valuable percentage points on your selling probabilities for the day. If you are a woman and are going to be selling to women, you can be lightly scented. Whether you are a man or a woman, if you are seeing men, have no scent but that of a clean body. If you are a man selling to women you should have no scent.


In general, all of our studies show that most colognes and perfumes are a biological turn off to the opposite sex. There are minor exceptions, but there are no scents that you can wear to enhance sales compliance.

Scents are powerful in the selling process and if you have clients coming to your office you should contact the authors for a special consultation. The science of aromachology has revealed that certain scents cause people to spend more money, take more time in stores, relax, feel more erotic and a plethora of behavioral changes from arousal to helping attitudes. In the sales process, outside of your home office, you, the sales professional need to be scentless. If you wear deodorant, buy one that is scentless.


20 Tips to Look Perfect for Your Client Both female and male sales professionals make many mistakes that cost some people far more than ten thousand dollars in income per year. It is interesting that our research indicates that women will far outsell men of the same skill and knowledge level IF your appearance is perceptually correct. Women make far more mistakes with their appearance than men do for selling. Physical attractiveness is important to how many sales you make and how much those sales are for. We know that in personal relationships people tend to choose their spouses based on two factors: One is money or potential income and physical attractiveness. Women value money as the number one characteristic in a spouse and physical attractiveness as second. For men, it is the opposite. Both find physical attractiveness as very important. In selling the same holds true. Physical attractiveness matters. In order to begin to understand how important physical appearance is, let’s look at some research that has been done in the area of interpersonal relationships. Study after study show that physical attractiveness is very important in one person’s perception of another person. 89% of all people on their first date decided “yes” or “no” to a second date based on the physical attractiveness of the other person.

People judge others positively or negatively, in large part on their physical attractiveness. Enhance your attractiveness to increase sales..

Numerous studies show that men will reject women based on what they perceive as deficiencies in the woman’s appearance. (In the realm of interpersonal relations, women are more interested in money than men, showing some practicality but continuing the thread of superficiality in this Mind Access Point!) Many elements of your physical appearance are genetic and are not going to change. You can’t grow two more inches and you can’t change the shape of your face. There is much you can do to enhance your perceived physical attractiveness. Here are the keys to your appearance for both men and women. Follow these 20 tips and you won’t be pulling the negative response Mind Access strings in your client’s mind.


1) Women: Never dress suggestively. Research shows that you will get a longer interview but you will make fewer sales. Dressing suggestively pulls out an entirely different set of Mind Access strings to be pulled. Low cut blouses and shirts are out. Mini-skirts are out. 2) Women: If your wedding ring is large and you are going to be seeing women, take it off and put your band on instead. A large wedding ring reduces sales. Women outwardly express their excitement about a large wedding ring but it is perceived as a negative for numerous reasons. Your sales will go down if your wedding ring is significantly larger than that of your client’s. 3) Women: If your fingernails are more than 1/2” long cut them and you will increase your sales. Long fingernails are perceived negatively by men and women in the sales process. 4) Men and Women: If your fingernails look like anything but clean and well rounded fingernails, get a manicure. Your fingers are the one area that both men and women can be turned off at. A sales professional has nice looking hands. 5) Men and Women: If you wear glasses, normally smaller glasses are appropriate. You are normally better off making sales presentations wearing contact lenses if they do not irritate your eyes too much. Glasses rarely make sales and often break them. 6) Men and Women: Your weight will make or break sales. If you are more than 20% over normal, you lose credibility in the sales process. Begin a program of eating right and activity to reduce your waistline. Thinner people sell more. Period. 7) Men: Facial hair reduces sales in almost all cases. If you are a man and have a beard you should cut it now. There are no men with beards in the top 100 sales professionals. If you have a mustache, ask men and women for their opinion. Some men appear to look better with a mustache, but in general, all facial hair reduces sales. 8) Men and Women: Ear and nose hair can create feelings of disgust in many of your clients. If you look in the mirror and you see ear or nose hair, cut it and keep it cut. 9) Women: Makeup that is lightly applied is not distracting. If your make up is heavy, you will lose sales. The closer to “natural” you appear, the better.


10) Men and Women: Teeth. Teeth should be white, flossed and clean before you meet any client. If your teeth are stained, get them cleaned. Yellowed teeth lose sales. 11) Men: Hair Length. If your hair length goes beyond covering the back of your neck you will lose sales. Long hair can feel good and even look good, but, it isn’t taken seriously. Decide whether you want to make all the sales you want to or whether you need your hair long. 12) Men and Women: Dress like your clients dress... plus 10%. If you see conservative clients, dress very conservatively. If you are selling to casual clients you will dress “dressy casual.” 13) Men and Women: When wearing suit coats, nothing goes in the outer pocket except a spotless and perfectly fitted handkerchief. No pens, no calculators. Nothing else goes in the suit coat outer pocket. 14) Men and Women: Your shoes should be shiny and looking new. 15) Men and Women: Jewelry. Men should wear nothing other than a watch and a wedding band. Women should wear nothing more than a watch, a wedding ring or band, a thin necklace and a pin. Earrings that are small for women are acceptable but they should not distract. Earrings for men are always out. No earrings are permissible for men. You will lose sales. 16) Men and Women: You should be showered every morning and have your hair conservatively and neatly in place before every sales call. 17) Men: Unless you absolutely must, your briefcase should be no larger than a case that will hold two copies of the Encyclopedia Britannica. 18) Women: A large purse is out. Never bring a large purse on a sales call with you. If you do, you will look disorganized. Bring a trim purse with whatever essentials you need during the day. Everything else can stay in the car or your desk at the office. 19) Men: Your suit should fit properly. With your coat buttoned, take your fist and place it between your belly button and the coat. It should comfortably touch both. If you can’t squeeze your fist comfortably between your stomach and your coat, your coat is too small. 20) Men: Your pants should touch the “bridge” on your shoes. They should not run on the ground or be raised high up on your socks. They need to touch your shoes or get them altered. Anything unusual costs you sales


and that means you lose money.

Saying Hello and Shaking Hands What should be the most natural thing in the world has become one of the most difficult. How do you say hello to your client? Walk into the office with excellent posture taking medium length strides and say, “Hi, I’m Kevin Hogan, the author of the Psychology of Persuasion, you’re John, right? Nice to meet you.” On the word John, you shake hands. If you walk into the office and your client takes the lead by introducing himself, simply follow his lead and shake hands as he extends his. Hold his hands for two or three beats and gently release it. Assuming you shake hands with your right hands, your left hand should NOT take part in this ritual. Here are the ten keys of shaking hands properly.

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Always maintain eye contact when shaking hands. Do not use the infamous two hand, handshake. Do not grab his elbow with your left hand. Do not hold their hand for more than two seconds. Do not squeeze to crush their hand. Do not try to get a better grip than your client. Do not have a limp handshake. Your hand should be firm but under control. Your hands should be dry and warm.


Do I Walk Funny? Many people do. When I (KH) moved from the Chicago area to a small rural town in Minnesota in my senior year of high school, I learned this lesson the hard way. I had won a role in a play called, “The Crucible” as the Reverend Hale. It was a wonderful role for the young person that I was. Unfortunately, I didn’t walk “normally” and my posture was terrible. I had a bit of a “swagger” and my shoulders bounced as I walked. It was cute, to some, but it was a sign of bad posture and needed correcting. The drama’s director, John Fogarty, needed his Reverend to walk with an air of confidence and not a “Chicago shuffle.” He decided he would tie fivepound weights to each of my ankles. Now that may not seem like a lot of weight but imagine a half of a gallon of milk tied to each of your ankles. It slows you down and straightens you up. I had to wear these weights all day for six weeks. At the end of the six weeks I walked upright and not like the Cro-Magnon man I had become accustomed to. In life we all play roles. We play the roles of parents and spouses. We play the roles of volunteers and business people. As a salesperson, you play the most important role of all. You play the role of a person who literally helps the world go around. When you are walking, you should be walking as if a big hand was scooting you along by putting pressure on your butt to go forward. This is an important first step to improved posture. Practice walking around the house as if a big hand was pushing you gently and slowly forward by scooting your butt forward. That will help you with your walk and your posture. The alternative is the weights...and that is a lot of work.

How Do I Make Presentations to Groups? Everything you have read up until this point still applies of course. Presentations simply offer a few more challenges and a few greater rewards. If you are presenting to a group you already know that you have something important enough to say to get the attention of the group. No one in the group showed up by accident. Know what you are going to say in advance. You don’t have to write out your presentation. In fact, unless you are the President of the United States, no one will listen if you do. There are a few keys to speaking before groups. One is seat selection. If you are the key speaker and will be speaking from the one and only table you want to sit on an end or in the middle of one of the two sides. If you have any known detractors of your product or service, you should have them sit to your immediate left or immediate right. These are the least powerful positions on the table. Notice that in presidential press conferences where members of both parties are present at a seated table, © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 32 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

President Clinton always had the house Republican leaders seated immediately next to him. These positions have no focal attention and rarely speak with any credibility. If you have to speak before a group and you have a podium you have an opportunity to make or break a sale by a strategy that I discovered by watching television evangelists. This strategy takes some time to master but is remarkably effective.

Strategic Movement? The most powerful nonverbal process you can use with an audience that must determine as a group to “buy” or “not buy” your products or services is that of strategic movement. Other sales trainers call similar strategies spatial anchoring. Both are applicable and here is what strategic movement is all about. Do you remember Johnny Carson? He was the host of the Tonight Show for almost 30 years before Jay Leno took over in the 1990’s. Each night that Johnny came out he stood on a small star, which marked exactly where he was supposed to stand. It was the best spot on the entire stage for camera angles, connecting with the audience and because of the curtain back drop, we knew without seeing Johnny’s face that he was there and not a guest host, who would stand on a different star. The only thing Johnny ever did from this specific location was make people laugh. He didn’t wander around the stage and tell his jokes. He stood right there and made people laugh. There were many nights when Johnny literally could just stand on his star and people would laugh. That is spatial anchoring. Audience laughter was anchored (conditioned to) Johnny’s standing on his star. When I (KH) first visited NBC in 1984, I thought it was fascinating that only Johnny stood on that star. At the time I thought it was an ego trip or some bit of arrogance on the part of Carson. How wrong I was. I knew nothing at that time of spatial anchoring and strategic movement. When you are called on to make your sales presentation in front of a group, you are on stage. You are the star. You will want to select three specific points on the stage, or in the meeting room from which to speak. Each of these points is a specific location and not an approximate area. Point “A” is your podium. Podiums and lecterns are used by teachers and preachers. Therefore, the podium (point “A”) will always be used only to relay factual information to your audience. You will choose a point to your left about four feet from your podium that you will deliver all of the bad news discussed in your presentation. (You can’t make many sales without painting a vivid picture about how bad things will get if the corporation doesn’t hire you.) The bad news point, is point “B” and you will only talk about problems and anything that is going to be © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 33 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

perceived as “bad” by your audience. Point “B” will be approximately four feet to the left of the podium. Point “C” will be approximately two and one half feet to the right of the podium and you will always paint uplifting, positive, exciting, motivating pictures from this location. Everything we want the audience to agree with will be discussed from this point after we establish this as the “good news point.” Imagine that you are giving your presentation for this group and you need to be very persuasive. My favorite example here is that of fund raising for a charity. Your job? Get a big check for your favorite charity. You place your folder or notes on the podium and immediately walk to “B” point. You tell a story about a hurting child or a suffering individual. You then explain how this one incidence is far from isolated. You move to the podium. You expound the facts and figures about the devastation of the problem that you are asking the group to help solve by making a big donation. Now you move to point “C,” where you will become excited about how the charitable organization is currently solving the problems and helping the suffering you talked about at “B.” Everything that is good and wonderful you will “anchor” into point “C.” As you conclude your speech you will have a path that you have laid. You have moved from A to B to C to B to A, several times. You conclude on point “C” because it is the good news and offers each person to participate in healing the wounds you opened at “B.” The truly unique tactic in strategic movement is the ability to subtly answer questions at the unconscious level without saying anything significant on the conscious level. Imagine that the audience is given the opportunity for questions and answers with you. An individual in the audience asks you about the group’s considerations of donating to a competing charitable organization. “Well, of course, you know that charity is a good charity and there would be nothing wrong with that...of course...(walking to point “C”) by taking advantage of the plan that we have, we can accomplish all of the goals that you want to have accomplished in the community. I’m sure you realize it is up to you to make it happen. We can only help those who need it if you make a decision tonight.” Discussing the other charity in a neutral or slightly positive manner from point “B”, allows you to unconsciously associate all of the negative feelings to your “competitor” and you solve the problem as you move to the “C” point. If you find this manipulative then you are working for the wrong charity. If anyone else is more qualified to help a group, sells a better product or offers a better service, you should be working for them! There is no more powerful manner of utilizing space than that of spatial anchoring and then using strategic movement. The next time you


watch a great speaker, notice how he or she utilizes strategic movement. If they stay at the podium, notice how all the good news is given while gesturing with hand “A” and all the bad news is discussed when gesturing with the other hand. The greatest speakers are masters of spatial anchoring and strategic movement.


Body Language: 29 Points to Make A Great Impression!

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The right side is where you make the best impression. Pupils dilate when they are interested in what they see. Rapid eye blinks often mean anxiety and deception. Forward leaning is a sign of liking. Eye contact when it isn’t necessary is almost always a good sign. 70% eye contact is just about right in the USA. Your body weight sends a message. Your hairstyle speaks volumes. Hairpieces usually indicate insecurity. Rapport begins by matching physiology. Women feel comfortable when men are just a bit below eye level. Women feel comfortable when you are straight across from them. Men feel comfortable when you are at a 90-degree angle from them. Touch is a sign of liking. Nod your head. It unconsciously affirms your client. Look out for leakage: A sure sign of nervousness. The nose usually engorges when the person is deceptive. Dress to the situation is appropriate. Radical dress means the person is making a statement. What? Spatial anchoring is a powerful non-verbal communication tool. The people who sit in “Mom and Dad’s chairs are looked to for assurance. The person sitting next to the person standing up has no power. People in rapport tend to synchronize together. Physical attractiveness means more than we wish it would. Blue-eyed people expect to be looked at more than others. Scents of vanilla are considered positive in the USA. Our face value goes up with each exposure! Negative emotions are usually triggered on the right side of the brain. Smile. It’s tough to resist a sincere smile.


Homework that Works Your Personal Body Language Research Project: Number One …Don’t worry it’s not hard it’s just going to change your entire LIFE!!!! 1) Get someone to help you with this experiment. 2) Have your friend sit off to your left. You sit straight and tall, with “good” posture. 3) Have them look at you and rate their level of comfort. (Very, somewhat, a little, not at all.) 4) Ask them to write down how good looking you are. (Tell them you will NOT ask for this number. You promise!) 5) Have them move to your right side. You sit straight and tall, with “good” posture. 6) Have them look at you and rate their level of comfort.


7) Have them write down how good looking you are. 8) Now, sit in a more relaxed posture, being certain to reduce the level of your eyes by at least a couple of inches. 9) Ask the person if they feel more or less comfortable. (They will say more 98% of the time.) 10) Ask them to write down how good looking you are. (You will NOT ask them for this information, you promise!) 11) Ask them where they liked you best. (94% will say where you are now.) 12) Ask your friend which attractiveness rating was the highest. (91% of the time it is the same or higher in the last position.) 13) Record all of these results with several people.


Ultimately you will discover this golden key: When your eye level is about an inch below that of the other person’s (if that is possible) and when they are to YOUR RIGHT, they will feel comfortable and find you more attractive.


Your Body Language Research Project Number Two Take the same group of friends and experiment in seating sitting opposite of people and at right angles. Have people more their chairs closer and further away and literally MEASURE how far people need to be apart to feel MOST comfortable with others! Discover where most people feel comfortable. If your friends are like the vast majority of people in the world you will discover this critical piece of information: © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 40 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

1) Women are most comfortable sitting directly across from someone. 2) Men are most comfortable seated at a right angle to another person. 3) Women like people a bit closer to them. 4) Men like people a bit further away from them. I have done this project with over 115 audiences across the world and the results are almost always as noted in this manual!


Your Personal Body Language Research Project Number Three Have two people seated facing a third person who will come in the room. Have one person cross their arms and legs. Have the other person put their hands in their lap and cross their feet. When the person comes in the door, have them immediately point to the person who is experiencing “hostility.”

What you will discover: Almost all people select the person with legs and arms crossed. Message: When people see others with arms and legs crossed, they get a negative impression.


Your Personal Body Language Research Project Four Have two friends seated and ready to maintain complete eye contact with people as they are brought into the room. Have the person sit facing other two who are prepared. Have the subject ask your assistants their names, even if you are all close friends. Have the first person scratch the back of their hand while answering and maintaining eye contact. Have the second person tug on their ear once and rub their nose for one full second while answering and maintaining eye contact. Ask the subject, “Who do you trust the most right at this moment?” Typical response from all across the world: Most people respond the first person who simply scratched their hand. Message: There is truth in the Pinocchio story of the growing nose. When people see a person scratching and rubbing their ears and/or nose, they unconsciously believe the person to be less than sincere, probably anxious and may be lying!


Lesson: When you are communicating with people keep your hands away from your face.

Conclusion: This manual and the accompanying CD can change your life and how people perceive you IF you will simply follow the recommendations and prove to yourself the power of how a body can communicate/respond unconsciously to men and women in various situations. Take the lessons you learn and your own personal research projects so you can test the results for yourself! Begin to watch people in different settings. Look for head nods and bodies leaning forward or back. Make predictions about what will happen next in other people's encounters so you become a master of your own!


Part Two (CDs 3 - 8)

Decoding Body Language: The Interactive Program!

To access the secret website, go to the following URL: http://www.kevinhogan.com/blcourse.htm

Your secret password is: sexliesandbodylanguage

This password is good for 90 days from date of purchase. If you wish to view the photos after 90 days and your password becomes invalid, send a blank email to [email protected] and the current password will be emailed to you.


Decoding & Interpreting Body Language Reading, decoding and interpreting body language is a science! Every action or micro-action takes place within a context and in reaction to other actions that go on around the individual. Body language has meaning that few understand and most mis-interpret. This program article about body language will probably teach you more than you have ever learned before! Flirting and sexual body language is observable in a woman's body language as well as a man's in both business and personal context. Body language revealing lying is observable in both business and personal context. Nonverbal communication is the least understood and most important facet of communication. The course will take you through step by step so you will understand body language quickly and accurately. Whether you want to learn the body language of love, dating or closing the deal, you have come to the source. The analysis I'm going to give you as part of this program combines "liking" and deception. It is fairly complex to analyze human behavior in snapshots in time. I made judgments on the relationships of these couples based solely upon these photographs and the apparent context in which they were taken. My goal for you is to become aware of a few of the subtle nuances that you are going to begin picking up from now on. Instead of telling you each little nuance in a boring, clinical way, I'm going to let you have some fun and invest some time into being a body language expert with me. Keep in mind that in any photograph being analyzed for body language, you will keep in mind the context of the situation in which the photograph was taken, and the level of awareness of being observed. A body language expert will be someone who pays exquisite attention to detail from the background down to level of perspiration on the brow. This program is different from others that I have produced in that it interacts with photographs that appear on my website at www.kevinhogan.com. A special URL and password were sent along with your package. Please consult that information and go to the website to observe the photos. Now, there is much more that you can glean from each photograph. I'm going to reveal to you how to determine whether everyone you meet likes you or not. I'm going to show you how to read with precision whether they are leaning "yes" or "no." Like any skill, it simply takes a little time investment to learn. The payoff? Enormous. You will be able to control every situation you are in.


In this course, we have almost 100 candid photos of celebrities in different settings. Working with celebrity photos is the best way to learn because these are people who are taught to control their emotions and feelings. But just as you will learn to see, the little nuances will become quite apparent – there are some unconscious gestures that we just can’t control. These gestures tell quite a story. The story that the unconscious is revealing, but the conscious mind is not. The question I was asked to answer about these specific body language pictures was, "Who is the boss." "Who rules the family, and are they likely to stay together?" Make notes about what you notice about each picture. There is space provided below each picture. Let’s get right to work: Photo 1 - Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver. Arnold has a straight back, thumb up, and focus on someone in the audience. He is engaged with both his wife and fan at the same time. His smile, however, is not his normal limbic smile. It's forced as you can see by the lines between chin and cheekbone. He is in control of the setting but he is pushing his smile. Maria Shriver (wife) is also engaged with someone else while completely happily in love and comfortable with her husband. That smile is a genuine limbic smile and she couldn't be happier with whatever the setting is and her husband. When you can see the bottom teeth, you can usually determine that this is a genuine smile. The hand to the heart is a sign that she adores this man when the smile is in place as it is. When a woman really cares about a man, her hand will be drawn close to the man’s heart. She will put her hand on his stomach or chest. This is an unconscious move that women do. Men do not do this. Her body posture is leaning toward Arnold and it would be tough to do otherwise as it appears that Arnold's left hand is making sure that she is leaning into him. Nevertheless it is natural and she is brilliantly happy. Maria has her hair back in a bun – a “messy” bun. She is comfortable in this situation as casual. She is wearing decorative earrings, so she has an awareness of decorum, dressed for having people observe her. Maria also is wearing a very low-cut shirt, also revealing her comfort level with the situation and her awareness of others observing her. Arnold has perspiration on his brow, but in looking in the distance at the crowd, you can see some people with short-sleeved t-shirts, indicating that the weather is probably warm. So, with a jacket on, it would make sense that Arnold’s body temperature would raise. It doesn’t necessarily, then, indicate any nervousness on Arnold’s part.


Arnold’s thumbs-up sign is a bit awkward – not the usual thumbs-up sign, so perhaps he is putting on a bit of a show. But, he is sending a positive message. These are two people, very much in love who have a different agenda for the day. The mix of business and pleasure is obvious from the body language point of view. Both are going well. She appreciates the crowd more than Arnold and she appreciates Arnold, at this moment more than he does her. What can you learn? Go back to Maria's smile. See those two lines that go back to her ears? When the smile is genuine (with the vast majority of people), you see those lines go back to people's ears and you see two or more. The more the better. This couple is happy and nothing is likely to get in their way.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 2 - Chelsea Clinton and Boyfriend. This is a very interesting picture of the former President's daughter. Again, a snapshot in time. First the boyfriend. Notice where his hands are. They aren't up in the air, they are "holding the ceiling up." Generally when a man does this kind of "Samson" gesture (holding/pushing the pillars) you can read it as an intentional show of strength (which usually actually means quite the opposite!)


Next look at his eyes. They are looking right down at his....correct. What he is seeing is anybody's guess but his facial expression indicates he is pleased with it... We can only guess what is happening in this picture. Are they beginning to dance? Is she trying to get past him? Are they standing still? If she’s trying to get past him, she seems comfortable with him as we know that women won’t try and pass by a man she’s not comfortable with “chest-first”, she will turn the other direction to pass by. Chelsea is close to this young man...but not as close as you might suspect given the depth perspective of the photo. Her eyes do NOT attend to her boyfriend but something/someone else off to the side. She also (in this snapshot in time) does not actually touch her boyfriend and that is interesting. She appears happy and yet uncomfortable with the setting. A bit shy for this really now outgoing girl. Perhaps because of the camera in her face? You can't tell but the overall chemistry plays out like this. Samson and a distant Delilah. There is no talking going on between the bodies and although it appears they have fun together on some levels, this looks short-term from this moment in time forward. A full body shot would have added a great deal to the context. Her smile is genuine. Notice the lines...

My Notes:

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Photo 3 - Liz Hurley and boyfriend. Liz has an arched right eyebrow, as she observes something. That is not a look a woman will have when she is completely comfortable with the situation. The bracelet she is wearing is masculine, as is the message she sends with the fingers and hand hooked onto her left hip. Look at the power Liz Hurley has here. Observe her body position. She is holding him like a man holds a woman. Her right hand cupped tight against his right side. Very masculine. In charge. Her smile is irrelevant. It is only for the audience. There is no sign of anything in the smile that leads you to believe she likes what she is looking at. It is a prefrontal cortex smile. A smooth face with a smile is a sign of polite boredom. Notice where Hurley chooses to put her hand for the photo? Not like Maria Shriver with Arnold right? Correct. Her hand goes to her hip and unconsciously gives the feelings she has deep inside for this man away. I suspect they enjoy their intimacy and little else. Looking at the boyfriend you see no happiness, not even contentment. Why is he here? I don't know. Whatever the context, it doesn't matter. The affection he shows for her is miniscule and forced. These two have a short life expectancy together based upon only this snapshot in time.

My Notes:

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Photo 4 - Nicky Hilton and Boyfriend. This is a great photo and you don't need me to analyze it all that much for you so I'll let you do this. What is his body posture compared to hers? Is her affection level comparable to his? Do they appear to share the same level of desired connection? Compare facial expressions. Which one appears adoring and admiring? Right on all accounts. Notice that she gives her cigarette in the right hand far more physical attention than he does from her. She is sitting in the shade but her face squints as if she's in the sun. This is usually a sign of dislike or annoyance. It is difficult to tell without another snapshot in time. Notice his right leg that he has positioned right into her legs. She has given nothing back. This poor man will be with another woman very soon.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 5 - Tom Arnold and woman. Does this photo remind you of Nicky Hilton's and to a lesser extent Liz Hurley's? It should. Tom Arnold is being held on a string here. He might actually be married to this woman now; I believe this is the case. Let's look at affection. You work this out with me: • • • •

Does her face indicate she is appreciating Tom's affection? Does her face seem to want to look toward Tom? Does she appear to be grabbing Tom tightly and pulling her close to him? Does she give more attention to the handbag at the end of the arm, which appears to have a dead weight attached to it than Tom?


The affectionate touch to the stomach like Maria did is nowhere to be found. Tom clearly is very fond of this lass. Her smile is a combination of the prefrontal and limbic. Only one line usually means that there is some "truth" in the smile but not joy or happiness. The young ladies rear end is far too far back there for her to be feeling intimate toward Tom who appears that he could ignore his outdoor surroundings at any moment and....well yes.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 6 – Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. We all now know the story about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, who have since split. I analyzed these photos during the period of time when they were together, and engaged.

Ben has his right arm around J. Lo. You can see all 4 of his fingers, and indeed, his thumb. This is a sign of possession. This is usually a good sign for a relationship. You cannot see his other hand, though. It is buried in his pocket, or behind his back. A man might do this in an uncomfortable situation.


Jennifer Lopez has never been one to be shy about exposing skin, so instead of looking at the cleavage, let’s observe the hair. It is done up nice – an effort showing her awareness of being on display. Eyes? Both of them show boredom. Two people here are holding onto one another, but are moving different directions. They seem to like each other, but probably have a stormy relationship. She seems to be Ben’s equal in this photo as far as status, and appeal. This is not always good for a relationship.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 7 – Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. Their hands here are interlocked, not just holding hands. This is the sign of a close bond between two people. They are walking the red carpet. The expression on his face shows a sort of mask with no positive emotions. His eyes seem to dart to the right in a survival mode type of action. He is standing erect, not showing any emotion. She is pretty comfortable here. The two never seem to make eye contact with each other. They do seem to touch a lot, but not face to face. She is fairly comfortable, holding a purse. Ben’s other arm is comfortable dropped alongside his body. I am seeing two sets of signals from Ben – partly relaxed from the arm hanging limp, but the erect body says, “I’m not comfortable – I’m ready for danger!” They are under the camera lights, that is for sure. He is not stressed, but at the same time, not all that comfortable either. The expressions on their faces show neutral to negative.

My Notes:

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_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 8 – Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. It’s impossible to tell if they are touching in this photo, as it is not a full body shot. You see some lines on Ben’s head here, almost like a frown. His eyebrows are kind of low. You see that when a person is more contemplative. You couldn’t paint a straighter line on a person’s face than the perfectly straight line Ben’s lips make. What does this mean? He is uncomfortable or unhappy in some way. Jen has a sort of condescending smile. When you see no lines a person’s face, there is not much of a genuine smile. These two barely seem to have any awareness of each other here. Not a good sign for a relationship.

My Notes:

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_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 9 – Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. This photo was taken within probably a few minutes or seconds of the top photo on the page. Jen here is the consummate model. She is the object here of everyone’s attention. She is not showing “being in the moment”. This is the first time I’ve seen Ben look at her. Here he looks down into her cleavage. But, not into her face. All four of his fingers and thumb are around her waist. There is no real connection between the two except the touching. They seem here, too, to be going in different directions. What I told the media that day was that this couple would not last.

My Notes:

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Photo 10 – Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. The two here are dressed more conservatively than above. Ben is a bit uncomfortable here, as is shown by the hand inside his pocket. He doesn’t know what to do with it. There is a hint of humor, and the start of a smile on the left side of his face. He’s interested in what he’s seeing. Their hands are interlocked. What Jen is looking at is truly making her very happy. This is a genuine smile. Eyebrows are raised. Wrinkles in the forehead. Creased lines in the face. Tops of the bottom teeth are observed. She is holding a handbag - so we are unable to tell anything from that hand. He is neutral to happy. She is very happy. These people again seem to be two people going in different directions.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 11 – Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. She is looking into his eyes here. Notice the differences between the two people. Her head leans forward, eyes right on him, smile wide. Hand is touching his right cheek. She does not have her left hand at her side, it is close up. Unfortunately, as we look at Ben, we do not see his hand. He has a flat face, no emotion or movement. I see a man looking at a very pretty girl with no real smile, no hand in the mix from him. This girl has more heart in to the relationship than he does.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 56 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

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Photo 12 – Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. In this photo, Ben is finally looking at his girl. He is probably a man who has trouble sharing his emotions. He again has a hand in his pocket. He’s giving her only a tiny smile. She gives him a full smile back. These two do not have the same level of investment in this relationship. Who is the boss? He is. He is always holding her hand or having it around her. He gives little feedback to her. She is deeply in love, but disappointed with his level of reciprocation.

My Notes:

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Photo 13 – Bill and Hillary Clinton. I have followed President Clinton’s career a long time, and done a lot of body language analysis on him. He is somebody that, as you watch him, you see a mixed, multi-faceted and complex man. His wife is single-minded, focused, and of very few faces. She is at the podium. What is Clinton doing in the background? We have a woman here who has not adjusted the microphone, which is something a professional would do. She is not happy judging from the position of her lips. She is dressed fairly oddly. She is wearing yellow, which is untypical of a politician’s wife. Her hair looks a bit messy. The interesting part of the picture is the President. What do you notice from top to bottom? He has concern lines in his forehead. Also you can see a curiosity in the frown lines. His eyebrows are low, so this may be a time of humility for him. His eyes are locked on her, as they should be. This is appropriate for the context. There is no sign of a smile. You see bags under his eyes, and shoulders slumping. When wearing a coat and tie, they tend to ride up a bit. He seems a bit defeated with his posture and body language.

My Notes:

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Photo 14 – Bill and Hillary Clinton. Here you see Hillary Clinton behind her husband. This is an atypical picture of Hillary. She is looking forward, but not looking at her husband. You can see her trying to push up a bit of a smile. She has her eyebrows raised higher than in the picture above. Notice she is concerned or responsive in some way in Photo 13. Here her expression is almost condescending. The President has a common expression on his face for him. Most of us would not have that expression on our face. Look at the chin – wide. He has the ability to look deeply affected by whatever he is communicating about. He is trying to appear deeply concerned. Look at the cheek below his lip, an inch off to his right. The President has a lot of split ends in his hair. This is a sign he has not been to his stylist for a while. This is a time in his life where he has no time for frivolities such as haircuts. He has frown lines. He is attempting to look deeply concerned or grave.

My Notes:

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Photo 15 – Debra Messing and Husband. The eyebrows are raised way up high – very far from the pupil of the eye. He is very happy. They are looking at two different people – perhaps two different photographers. His right hand curls up around her, tight together. He seems pretty relaxed and comfortable. She’s faced right into him, perhaps he pulled her in? She’s comfortable. Her smile is completely genuine, even though her mouth is closed. You can see lots of lines. She is happy. Her eyebrows are up, also. You can see good things for this couple.

My Notes:

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Photo 16 – Drew Barrymore. Why does she have her hand on her chest? It is a bit of a posed position – she probably has done it for a long time – perhaps since childhood? There are many pictures of Drew doing this same gesture. She beams with happiness here. You see lots of teeth. Her eyebrows are high, indicating happiness. Her smile is indeed genuine, she is happy in this context.

. My Notes:

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Photo 17 – Faith Hill & Tim McGraw. Thinking back to Photo 1 with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver you will remember her hand to her husband’s chest. You see Faith’s hand on her husband’s stomach here, saying that she is in love with this man. This is an unconscious cue to pay attention to. These pictures are being taken by request and the couple is stopping to comply. These two people here seem devoted from this snapshot in time. The one piece that is extremely revealing is the hand to his chest. Look at her cheeks – very high. The flashbulbs are bringing out the peaks. She has a nice gentle smile on her face. You can barely make out the smiling lines. If you zoom in on the photo, you will see three sets of lines going back. She is a pretty happy woman. His hand out front seems defensive in nature, as if he’s clearing the way. This seems an equal kind of partnership. They seem very symmetrical in nature together.

My Notes:

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Photo 18– Halle Barry & Eric Benet. When one person carries the weight in a relationship, it causes resentment. This man has four clothing bags and some kind of a huge box. He’s carrying everything. Look at what she is carrying. Nothing. She has a huge grin on her face. There is a lot of distance between them, and it should be so, or she might get hit by a bag. He’s carrying the entire load. She’s confident and powerful, straight and erect. They are both in charge. She has her left hand out as she walks, she’s taking strong strides, and so is he. This couple will soon break up.

My Notes:

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Photo 19– Kate Hudson & Husband. She is the “star” of this couple. She is in front. She’s holding something important to her to her chest. It must be something very important, as she is putting attention to it. If she were ignoring it, it would be held down at her side.


Her face is neutral. There are no smile lines. She may be content to be there, but not necessarily happy. She’s moving fast, and he’s not. She’s leaning forward, and her left hand, which is interwoven with his right hand, is bending backward. He has a little grin on his face. It’s hard to read a face with a beard. He’s looking down at the hand, and seems in “tow”. His belt buckle is about 4 inches to the right of center. This may give us some clue as to the type of activity that may have been taking place prior to the picture being taken.

My Notes:

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Photo 20– Kate Winslet & Husband. When you are talking about liking – real strong liking, you may see, as in this photo – a sort of “stopping time” quality. They are so symmetrical and so in tune, they are a mirror image of each other.


I would predict strongly that they really like each other a great deal. Notice how the legs move symmetrically in opposition to each other up to the waist. Switch over to the other leg, and notice how they are identically bent. This couple shows a great predictor of future long-term marriage.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 21– Kathie Lee and Frank Gifford . Notice that the teeth are exposed with Frank’s forced smile and he’s trying hard to appear happy. Kathie Lee is draping herself around Frank. She has a big grin on her face, but it’s also not a genuine smile. She’s trying to make things appear okay. This is not a genuinely happy pair. They do not have the symmetry that other couples we’ve seen have. This is fake happiness.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 65 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 22– Kelly Ripa and Husband . They are not looking at the same thing. The man is looking significantly off to his left. She is looking to his right. He is well dressed, very sharp. He has no frown lines, and his eyebrows are not high. He may be tired. At best, content. He has a closed-mouth smile. A lot of men smile this way. This means they are trying not to appear…too something. Too happy? Too content? His fingers are grabbing around her. What’s the telltale sign of this picture? That’s right, the hand to his chest. She has strong feelings for this man. Her face is happy and content. Again – with the closed mouth smile. This couple is mirroring each other. There have been very few pictures of closed mouth smiles that we’ve seen in this program. When we have the two here in the picture with both closed mouth smiles – it shows great symmetry. They are both more comfortable with each other than they are with the crowd surrounding them.

My Notes:

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_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 23– Kobe Bryant and Wife . Kobe got into trouble and was accused of rape. We don’t know what the outcome of that matter will be at press time. He has very high eyebrows. He has lips that are straight across, neither a smile nor a frown. That could be intentional. On his left hand he has a big wedding ring. He also wears bracelets on the left and a chain around his neck. People wear things that mean something to them when they have the ability to choose something this special. She is wearing a stylish hat, one eye covered. Her lips are pursed together. Notice the pressure on the purse she’s holding up. If she were comfortable here with Kobe, her hand would probably be down, or up even with his stomach. She is sharing with us her well-proportioned body, comfortable with doing that, perhaps an unconscious move against Kobe, revealing how she feels. You see nothing to connect them as a couple in any way.

My Notes:

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Photo 24– Liza Minelli and Former Husband. These are two passionate people. You would like to see eyes closed in a kiss this close and intimate. He wears sunglasses. It’s hard to make a connection with someone wearing sunglasses. Notice his left hand up by her neck. It is a pretty unusual way to kiss someone. It is perhaps a power/control move on his part. She is wearing a cross. This is indicative of religious symbolism. Pay attention to these kinds of markers. She wears a large wedding ring. Her original position must have been that she was facing away from him before this kiss. She has widened her power by spreading her fingers over his hand. She is holding him down with power, as he is with his hand on her shoulder/neck. It is difficult to analyze his face with sunglasses on.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 25 Michelle Pfeiffer and Husband. This is a content man. Even though he’s wearing an uncomfortable tux, he is happily comfortable. Looking at his left cheek, you see smile lines. These two have the same kind of rapport we saw above with Photo 22 Kelly Ripa and her husband – both have closed-mouth genuine smiles.


This is a nice picture of two people who sincerely like each other. He has little chicken marks on his left cheek, revealing his happiness. His eyebrows are significantly above his eyes. He’s done this before. She’s wearing a wedding ring on her left hand. Her left hand is up on his shoulder. Her cheek is sort of sitting on his shoulder. Very sweet. She’s leaning very much into him. She cares very much about him, and him her. They will probably remain married a long time.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 26 Nicole Kidman. The media wanted to know why Nicole Kidman tends to strike this pose. She is wearing a fairly revealing outfit here. Her hair is back. It is an attention getting style. She is posing in a style, which she believes is sexy. She has an open mouth smile, but it is not genuine. She’s really good at this kind of plastic smile, but it doesn’t look plastic or faked. She reveals her left leg and the interesting thing is that both her hands are in front of her. Notice her right hand covers her left hand where her wedding ring used to be. She may be covering up her sadness. She is perhaps embarrassed that she has lost her marriage. She does have an “out there” look with the dress and the leg poking out. She is not behaving as a married woman here, and she indeed no longer is. © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 69 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 27 Madonna and Guy Ritchie. This woman looks extremely bored. However, her eyebrows are high, so she has some level of contentment. She may be extremely tired. Her lips are straight, her face smooth. Very little movement. She’s wearing her shirt unbuttoned, but a jacket on top, presenting a more conservative image. He is leaning down to kiss her. Notice the pressure, his nose is squished against her face. His hand is directly around her waist. But look at the opposition they have. She’s facing away from him. He plants a kiss on her cheek. He has color in his face, and she doesn’t. It is probably a kiss with happiness and contentment in it on his part. But, she is not returning the feeling. If this were to happen on a continuous basis, this relationship wouldn’t last long.

My Notes:

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_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 28 Cynthia Nixon. Why would someone stand like this, leaning so far to one side? The media wanted to know why she so often strikes this pose. The bigger context is that she is on a show with several women who are quite attractive – Sex and the City . Here she is dressed in a not so flattering outfit. Her dress goes all the way down to her ankles almost. As you look at her eyes, the eyebrows are low, lips straight across. She is posing for a picture, so this is the best she’s going to give in this situation. When she’s on television, she does not necessarily have this tilt to her body. It only seems to come out in posed situations. It may be an unconscious effort on her part to say that she’s not trying to be a sex symbol and she doesn’t quite fit in, and she knows it. She is not trying to compete with the other girls on the show.

My Notes:

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_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 29 Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin. Like the photo of Kate Winslet and her boyfriend, these two are sort of bent into each other. They seem to be mirroring each other. The symmetry is complete. This indicates that indeed they are very close to each other. Notice that to her right is about 6 or 8 inches of space that she could be using to sit, but she is closer to him. His elbow rests on the arm of the bench. She has her straw in her mouth and is looking at his eyes. She doesn’t care what he’s looking at or paying attention to. She has a huge genuine smile, with lots of lines. These two genuinely like each other and are in for good things in their relationship.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 30 Pamela and Tommy Lee. This is a posed photo. Pam is spilling out of her scoop neck outfit. It is done in a bedroom, and she’s having fun. She doesn’t have that big smile on her face, but she is happy in the moment. Her hand is reaching up to his left hand. That is a telling sign of liking. Tommy Lee sort of drapes himself across her. It is a tender touch where his hand is almost grabbing hers but so soft. That is a tender © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 72 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

gesture of love. He is very happy with her as you can see by the smile lines. He has “question mark” wrinkles on his forehead. He is wondering something. It could be anything, but we know he’s curious about something. Pam and Tommy Lee. Stormy life – in this picture they are two happy people.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 31 Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. She has a partially genuine smile. You see some smile lines. His smile is more joyous as he looks at her. Eyes are wide, she’s attentive, and the eyebrows are high, but not high enough to cause wrinkles. It’s a bit of a pose. He is so happy – this smile is extremely genuine. You can see the smile line going all the way back. You can almost see the bottom teeth. The angle and the way he looks at her are admiring. These two will stay together.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 73 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 32 Reece Witherspoon and Husband. Reece is very in touch with the people in the crowd. Her right hand is not only holding up her shawl, but it’s curled back in to her. It’s a look at me gesture. She has a genuine smile and erect body. She’s happy, in charge, and in control. He on the other hand is not dressed appropriate to what she is wearing.

Photo 33 Reece Witherspoon and Husband. She’s pregnant and happy about it. She has a beautiful genuine smile. His left hand is curling all the way around her. Clearly the stage is hers. He’s looking at her. He is dressed much nicer than the previous picture. If he can handle her being the star of the show, perhaps they can be a happy couple. If the photo above is an indicator of how life is for the most part, there could be trouble.

My Notes:

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_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________

End CD


One of the things you’ve started to discover while analyzing body language is that there is a lot of deception that happens in communication non-verbally, even as you are analyzing liking. We don’t have the opportunity to tell the truth in every situation. We’ve seen people who didn’t really want to be at events, or maybe didn’t want to be with the person they were with. You can’t cover up everything. You just can’t do it. Deception and liking go hand in hand. Whether a person is trying to cover up how much they really like somebody, or how much they really don’t like somebody, there is the attempt to cover up. There are other areas of deception as well, as we shall see in other photos and discussions. Photo 34 Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver. This is a very secure event. The person behind Arnold has a gun, and is dressed in a “security” uniform. In looking at Arnold, you see his eyes are looking directly at his wife. On his left cheek, you see a set of three lines on his face that indicate a real smile. You can see his bottom teeth. His left hand is reaching up toward her. He is focused on her and not the crowd. Her face looks caught between pictures. It’s hard to analyze in this state. Her neck is kind of tight in the picture. It could be a sign of stress. The neck is a very revealing part of the body. It is absolutely impossible to control this area. You can’t control the coloration here, if veins pop out, etc. You can tell when a person’s mood is changing by looking at the color of skin at the neck and face. You may know before they even do that emotions are changing – if you pay attention! It’s a good thing for them as a couple – you feel warmth toward the wife coming from him.

My Notes:

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_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 35 Roseanne Arnold and Man. This couple has since broken up. Would you have been able to guess it here? You see his arm around his girl, and you see a thumbs up sign from him. His hand comes all the way around her. As you look at his face, you see a genuinely happy man. He’s looking at the same spot she is. It is a little unusual. When two people are attentive to the same stimulus, you can compare how they react. His face is happy, giving the thumbs up. Roseanne is looking at the same location. Her eyebrows are high above her eyes. She is interested. She has straight lips. She is, at the most, tolerating this moment. She likes to have her picture taken, and she likes to be interviewed, so this seems unusual for her. Her cheeks are flaccid. Both arms are straight down almost like a doll. She’s holding a most unique purse - a huge heart. As you look at this you see two people looking at the same thing, responding very differently. You would not see good things for this couple.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 36 Russell Crow and Wife. His eyes are squinting; he’s possibly very sensitive to the light. There is a huge crowd; it may be very loud in the background. There’s a lot of activity, with people © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 77 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

trying to get autographs, etc. His eyebrows are almost straight across. His cheeks are up; he’s got the 2 lines. The beard masks his face a bit. You sense by looking at him that he’s happy. His right hand is interlocked interlocke d with the woman. woman. He has no ring on his left hand. With her, if you were to take a line, you could put a straight line from eyebrow to eyebrow. There is no sign of interest here in what she’s looking at. Her eyes are very large. If you were able to see her pupils and they were dilated, you’d be able to tell if she likes what she’s looking at, but we are unable to detect that here. Russell has erect, straight posture. She’s holding a purse or camera with her right hand and it is wrapped around and around her wrist. She’s not very secure about that purse. She’s holding onto Russell’s hand. You see two people responding to stimuli in the same way.

My Notes:

____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ Photo 37 Shania Twain and Mutt Lange. She loves to be in the limelight and she’s married to a recluse. She has her left hand up on her hip. She’s carrying a small purse in the traditional way. She’s not all that happy. Why? Most people don’t put their hand on their hip when walking. What do you feel when you do that? Defiance. He does not want to be there, and is very uncomfortable. This is a candid shot. He’s six or eight feet behind her. He is not taking care of her in this situation, it seems his discomfort has taken precedence for him.


My Notes:

____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ Photo 38 Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw. Her hand is on his stomach. That is the sign of what? Love and deep caring. He is dressed very nicely. This seems to be a formal occasion, outdoors – maybe in California – there are palm trees. I don’t sense happiness from him. There are no smile lines, and no teeth showing. He gives only a neutral expression. If you look at her, you can see the smile lines around her face. Like her husband, her lips are closed, and no teeth, but you see the genuine lines indicating a real smile. She’s reserved yet has her shirt unbuttoned quite low. She’s positioned at 3 o’clock; he’s at 12 o’clock. She’s facing him. His arm is around her. He’s showing some affection toward his wife with his arm wrapped around her. They have probably been married a long time, and probably will remain so.

My Notes:

____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 79 No portion portion of this manual manual may be reproduced reproduced without without express express written written consent consent of the author. author.

____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ Photo 39 Bruce Springsteen and Patti Scialfa. They both have lots of clothes on in this candid shot. You notice that Springsteen has his arm around his wife, much like a young man would have his arm around his girlfriend. He seems proud of her. You see genuine smile lines on his face. Notice his left foot facing toward her. It remains facing toward her even though for the picture he needs to face his body the other direction. This indicates closeness between the two of them. She has a nice smile, lots of lines and bottom teeth showing. These are people happy together and in love.

My Notes:

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Photo 40 Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz. He has a scruffy look to his face. The smile lines go up to his nose. He’s squinting a bit. His eyebrows are straight across, so he’s not that interested in what he’s looking at. But, he has a great smile. Look at his left hand, and how tightly he is bringing Penelope in to her. All four fingers tight together. What is her response? Her eyebrows are high above her eyes. Wide smile, lots of teeth. She looks adoringly at his eyes. There are good things in the future for this relationship. They seem very happy to be together and happy with each other.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 41 Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones. Who is in control in this picture? If you said Catherine Zeta Jones, you are right. What are the indicators to look for? One is the arm on his shoulder. The other is her other arm on her hip. See how it feels when you stand this way. You own the show. As a rule of thumb, if you want to know what a person is feeling, adopt their posture. You will learn that certain gestures and facial features go along with certain feelings or emotions. She has high eyebrows; super high cheeks with smile lines. She is unbelievably happy. She’s on display with that dress. She wants attention and she’s getting it.


Michael’s arm is wrapped around her, and you can barely see his fingers there at her waist. They are facing toward each other. He is bored. She is the focal point. This couple has an equal relationship as far as power is concerned. Their relationship will probably go a long way.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 42 Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. This couple is in an embrace and someone tries to get their attention. They both look over and give a bit of attention, but neither lets go of the other. You see his fingers interlocked with each other as he holds her. This is unusual for a couple, especially in a public place. They have a very strong bond, and probably a very passionate relationship. He seems to be encircling and protecting her with his embrace. You see in his eyes a person being observant, and a bit of possessiveness. With her, she has a bit of a pre-frontal smile which you can tell from the lines on her face. She may not be happy in the context of the picture, but is happy with her partner here.

My Notes:

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_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 43 Tobey McGuire and Girlfriend. The woman is wrapped up into Tobey. He is looking past his girl. She has her eyes closed. They are in a stadium, and no one is paying any attention to them. She has the face of attraction. Her eyes are just about closed. Her lips are the closest things to his face. You see total surrender on her face. What do you see with her hand? She is grasping for him, tightly. But, he is looking past her.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 44 Tobey McGuire and Girlfriend. This is indoors in a poorly lit area, but the photo is very clear. Look for inconsistencies when you look at body language. When two people are exuding such different energy, there is a problem to observe.


He is looking down, away from her. His lips are turned down. The expression is disgust or disappointment. Some kind of upset. When you see a person’s hand go up to a neck or ear, it is a sign of discomfort or deception. You may say, “Well, she could just be itching.” That is also true. His eyebrows are tilted down. But, she seems interested in what she’s looking at. Her eyebrows are high up. Her smile is totally plastic – not one line. This is a pretend smile augmented by the fact that she has her hand up, and scratching her neck. If I were to try and define a relationship by this picture – I would say this is a very bad day for them.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 45 Angelina Jolie and Son. You cannot tell anything from her eyes, but she is looking at her son. She has a downward tilting gaze, a sign of concern. She is holding tight to her precious child here. Her right hand goes under his arm. The other arm goes all the way around. She has a large vein visible on her left arm. This is a mother who really wants her baby to be secure.

My Notes:


_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 46 Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. The context is a crowd with jeans, hats, baseball caps – an event that has Demi seeming very out of place. He is carrying something in his hand, partially concealed. She is leading him by the hand. She is relatively unaware of him. She is carrying a large purse. This may be a sign of insecurity, or a need to be prepared. Zoom in on her face and you will see an annoyed expression. Her eyebrows are close to her eyes; she seems very focused on moving to an outcome. Ashton has a slight smile, and is being led like a puppy dog.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 47 Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. This photo is taken some time later than the photo above. Ashton is closer to her this time, yet still behind her. Ashton has a devilish grin, as does Demi. It’s hard


to tell what the two of them are doing behind her with their hands – but it’s probably playful and flirty. Women typically do not carry their purse on the same side as the person they are with. She chose to carry her purse on the side Ashton is on. She is looking off to her right. He is looking down at something different. We have not seen a picture of Ashton in front yet. When we do, perhaps this relationship will have a long-term chance.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 48 Courtney Cox and David Arquette. David Arquette is standing straight up and down at 12 o’clock and she is standing at 1 o’clock. He has dark sunglasses on. His right hand is not interlocking Courtney’s fingers. This is not a sign of closeness or love. If you look at his left hand, he is carrying a bag/purse. He is facing her. Both of his feet surround her and he is at 3 o’clock, she is at the 12 ’clock position. If you look at her face, she has straight lips. The eyebrows are not interested. There is a little line on the right hand side of her face. She is carrying a piece of paper in her hand. I sense that they posed for the picture to be kind. I see nothing that reveals any strength in their relationship.

My Notes:


_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 49 Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith. There are huge lines on her face extending all the way back on her face. This is a magnificent happy smile. Look at how high the eyebrows are. You see discoloration on her hands – perhaps a skin disorder? She has him captive. He has many lines on his face, showing a genuine smile, also. Make the same gesture with your hand as he is making. He seems to be saying, “How do I get out of this?” but in a playful way.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 50 Beyonce Knowles and Boyfriend. He has an arm around his girl like a teenager would. She is wearing a tight and sexy shirt. He may have an issue with that – he appears unhappy. These two people are both looking at the photographer. There are inconsistencies in how they react to the same stimulus. She is smiling nicely, but it is a plastic smile with a bit of impatience. It seems to say, “Take the picture already!” He’s not giving anything away with his face. The way they react differently is not a good sign for consistency in this relationship. © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 87 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 51 Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley. This appears to be outdoors at a party. Nicolas appears straight, erect, standing still. He is holding her hand, no interlocking fingers. As we’ve seen, this is not a good sign for closeness. She has a very low-cut dress. She has a tiny little delicate purse. Lisa Marie rarely smiles. She’s looking off to the left. There is no expression on her face except for a little disdain. If you know anything about Lisa Marie, you know that that is pretty common. He seems to have a little more tolerance for the atmosphere. He seems to be invested more in the relationship, as he is gripping her tightly.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 52 Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. This is a posed photo, taken outside. There is a lot to glean, even from posed photographs. Look where she puts her left hand. She puts it on his right


shoulder. These two have been together a long time, and are very comfortable together. His arm goes all the way around her, gripping her waist. You don’t get a big smile out of Tom; he’s being polite here with the photo opportunity. She also doesn’t have lines on her face. These two are almost welded together, as close as can be. These two are solidly together.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 53 Julia Roberts and Danny Moder. This is taking place outside in the street. You can find annoyance in her face. Look at her posture. She’s leaning into him, almost in defiance. She has both arms tight and standing down. Put yourself in that position, also, and find out what you feel. Zoom in on her face again. Note what else you can see on her face. She has sunglasses on, so it’s hard to read her face. She is looking directly at his face. He seems to be explaining something to her or giving directions. What gives this photo away? Look at the person in the background. Perhaps a bodyguard or friend. His face shows amusement. He is obviously not concerned.

My Notes:

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Photo 54 Julia Roberts and Danny Moder. What you see here is the boyfriend not happy that the camera is intruding. He’s saying do not take this picture. He is forcing her to walk at a faster clip than she’s comfortable with. She does not have a forward lean – but a backward lean. She’s looking straight ahead; he’s looking at the photographer. When you see someone leaning backward and being pulled, that’s a sign of problems. The two of them are both upset. If you had to gauge the relationship on this picture, there would not be any good things to say about it.

My Notes:

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A lot of these people in the photos that we see kissing each other are people who I don’t know. That is one reason that a lot of media will contact me to have pictures analyzed as they know I’m an objective observer. Within “liking” or the show of liking is a certain degree of deception. It’s rare that you see people completely make themselves vulnerable to everything that’s going on around them. I want to show you, not only deception that might occur in intimate moments, but what to look for to determine if someone else is attracted to you. I’ve been very pleased that over the years the media has asked me to focus so much on intimacy. It is so very important to know, in all contexts of life, whether people you are dealing with are “fully present” or putting on a show.

Photo 55 LeAnn Rimes and Husband. This is a real nice kiss. As you look at this photo, you try and determine the amount of connection between the two people. This young man has his eyes closed. His nose is pressed up against hers. He has his lips closed against hers. I cannot tell where his right hand is, and so it’s hard to determine the amount of affection. We can see a wedding ring on his left hand. She is wearing a bracelet on her wrist. On her face, you can see her eyebrows are high as he kisses her. You normally don’t have eyebrows that go up when you are involved in an intimate kiss. Also, it is interesting that her arm is not touching him. He is giving her a gentle, soft kiss, his hand raised to the back of her ear lobe. The touch on the neck is very kind. Are these people comfortable with one another? Are they equally involved? No. He is much more connected here. She doesn’t seem connected beyond the kiss he is planting on her. You are looking for closed eyes during a kiss, and she does have closed eyes. He does seem more invested than she is. When you are being kissed and wondering about the other person’s interest, ask yourself and notice, “Is he/she touching me, and where?”

My Notes:


_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 56 Kate Hudson and Husband. I don’t see a lot from the man in this picture. There is nothing here that is positive coming from him. His right hand is covered by his shirtsleeve. He has facial hair, and very messy hair covering his face. She is pregnant. This can be a sensitive time for a woman. She probably wants more attention from him at this point. You notice her eyes are closed. She is doing all the work here. Her hand has gone up to his cheek. The thumb pressed up against his chin. This is a similar picture that we just saw directly above in Photo 55. She is leaning directly into him. She’s very much into this moment. He appears not to care at all. His hand is not coming around her waist. There is not a lot of affection being given back from him. It is rare to be kissed with this much affection, and at least not touch the other person.

My Notes:

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_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 57 Drew Barrymore and Boyfriend. The context is not a very fancy place – it seems casual. He is relaxed, but not completely comfortable. He is into the moment, but not completely comfortable. You see some indentations on the forehead near the eyebrows. They are into each other, and not trying to smile into the camera. Her eyebrows are high, a sign of interest. She is sucking or biting on his lower lip. That’s kind of a nice touch. Perhaps that is what’s making him nervous or uncomfortable – getting this much attention in public. They are both into the moment. He seems surprised by her sucking his lip. This couple is having fun.

My Notes:

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Photo 58 Charlie Sheen and Wife. The context seems to be a baseball or sporting event. He’s wearing a sports-like shirt. But, clearly they are kissing each other. It’s interesting that only two people are looking at them. They are not drawing much attention. Notice that her mouth is not closed. Nor is it directly kissing his lips. It seems an uncomfortable kiss for her for some reason. Look at her left hand. It is touching and holding his right arm, at his elbow. But, her right hand is held in front of her stomach, and relaxed there. Take your right hand, put it right in front of your stomach and hold it there. Imagine you are kissing someone while doing that. You feel awkward. His left arm is behind him. His other hand is around her. His eyes are closed, and he appears to be traditionally into this kiss. She’s uncomfortable. He is giving her the kiss. She’s awkward. Her arm is a barrier. That would make me uncertain about their relationship.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 59 Uma Thurman and Boyfriend. He is sitting on a bench, his right arm way over to his right. She is leaning significantly into him, her legs over his, her hands folded on her lap. This is an odd position. He could be making this kiss easier on her if he would just let go of whatever is in his arm over there. He is maintaining power in this relationship. She gives up the power position, keeping her hands folded in her lap. Look at his forehead above the eyebrow. Notice the frown/pockmark/bubble. He is frowning slightly while kissing her. She has that same look as we’ve seen in © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 94 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

some of the women in previous photos, while she kisses him. Eyebrows are very high – interest, curiosity or inquisitiveness shows. These people are not totally comfortable with each other – and neither is looking very comfortable in this photo, either.

My Notes:

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Photo 60 Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith. This is a close up picture of their faces, so you see no hands or arms. His eyebrows are down, the eyes are closed. The noses are close together. Her eyes are open. There is a lot of pressure between their two lips. You sense a little smile on her face as she looks into his face. There is the start of a smile on her face. The muscle in her cheek is tense. Her lips show muscle movement. These people appear to be very into each other.

My Notes:

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Photo 61 Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones. You can see that her mouth is open a little. She’s pressing hard up against him. He is not as passionately into this kiss. He has a frown line on his face. She has her glasses up. She has a smile on her face. Her cheek is big up against his nose. Perhaps she kissed him and he wasn’t prepared for it. This photo is indicative of their consistently comfortable relationship.

My Notes:

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Photo 62 Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. He is very wrapped around her. His right arm is all the way around her waist, sitting on her right hip. That’s pulling her close. Look how relaxed his left hand is. There is no tension at all – a good sign. There are no frown lines on his face. This is a very soft gentle, delicate kiss. Lips open just a little bit to add a touch of romance. The context shows someone taking pictures. There is a person dressed extremely casually. Her lips are closed as she kisses him. They are into each © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 96 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

other in this moment. She’s holding onto a purse. It is surprising that her hand does not move closer to Will. He is very much leaning into her. This couple is very happy together, this is very sweet.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 63 Trista Rehn and Ryan Sutter. There is an intimacy between these two. They are outside. You see his index finger curled all the way around her. You see a flesh wound on his knuckle. A small detail to pay attention to. Look at the eyebrows. On him, they are low. The lower down the eyebrows are in a kiss, the more passion is there. We see no muscular movement on the face, showing they are into each other and not the cameras. Her eyebrow is a little higher, but again, she’s looking up at him and that would naturally bring it up a bit. You can expect that this couple have good things happening between them.

My Notes:


_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 64 Couple Embracing. The man is wearing jeans and a casual top. She is dressed in an attention getting outfit. It appears that she came over to him to give him this kiss. You see no muscular movement in the face. This is a closed mouth kiss. His hands are almost locked together around her – she’s going nowhere. He pulled her close as she was approaching, otherwise her feet would be closer to him. The eyebrows are high up on her forehead. This kiss is not intimate (yet) for her. The lips are turned up a little bit in a smile. Her arms are around him as much as possible. They are wrapped around and wrapped up into each other. Both are happy.

My Notes:

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Photo 65 Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. We see Kurt Russell’s name on a poster or placard behind them. So, we know that this event has Kurt as the center of attention. Kurt is straight up and down. He has that perfect jaw. The frown lines you see on his forehead are natural. He is comfortable. His eyebrows are basically pointing down – interested but passionate about whatever he is here for. All business? Notice he has a closed mouth smile here. He is not trying to fake a celebrity type smile. Because you see the left indentation by the cheek and above the nose on the right hand side of the face, this shows there is some action and perhaps he is happy – and trying to rein it in a bit. She is giving everything to the photographer here. Her smile seems genuine. She is biting her lower lip with her right incisor. It’s hard to say why. I see the head tilt- towards Kurt. A woman will tilt her head for the camera, or toward someone she very much likes. You want to see a person’s head tilt toward the left – that would be more indicative of a true loving feeling going on inside. He is facing about 4 o’clock and she is facing straight forward. I see good things continuing for this couple. Photo 66 Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. The picture above and this one are taken on the same day, in the same building, in the same context. Notice the differences in skin color of both Goldie and Kurt in the photo above and here. In photo 1, Kurt looks a deeper darker red. It could be lighting, but I doubt it. Watching a movie, eating – some activities can bring out responses in the skin. When two people are looking at the same stimulus, you want to see similar responses. In this case, they are the same. Goldie does not have her “actress smile” going here. She probably got caught a little off-guard. This shot is a little more candid. Perhaps Kurt is giving a little bit more of a smile here. Goldie seems neutral. They are in symmetry, though. Arms similar. Eyebrows down. She is holding her purse with her left hand curled up against her. She has something in her purse that is valuable to her. She is holding it tighter than most women would hold a purse. If you look at Kurt Russell’s right hand, you notice that his fingers are very relaxed, his thumb is extremely relaxed. There is nothing to indicate that he has stress inside him. Do they have a fist? Is it white from squeezing it? Detail to notice: Goldie’s necklace is not centered in the top photo. Nor is it centered in the bottom photo.


My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 67 Salma Hayak and Edward Norton. This is at the Tribeca Film Festival, as we can read on a banner in the background. Salma Hayak has the ability to look absolutely stunning. She does not look stunning here. You can see a bit of a tummy. His head is tilted slightly toward her. His shoulders are very angled downward. This is unusual, even in a candid shot. Most men don’t have shoulders that dip that far down. But he certainly is relaxed. He is not happy to be taking the picture, but he is compliant. Hands are in his pockets, perhaps impatient. His shirt is not tucked in evenly in his pants. He dressed quickly, whatever he was doing before the picture was taken. You would never recognize this woman as the “beautiful starlet’ that she is. She is annoyed. Her eyes are open; she is attentive to whoever has engaged her. She is not happy about this photo being taken – she is barely tolerant of it. We don’t see her other arm, perhaps it is around him, we don’t know. The angle of her face is the same as his; this usually indicates an unconscious rapport. Adopt the same position that she is. Hold something that weighs about 3 pounds in front of you in your hand, such as she is with her purse. It is an uncomfortable mix. These two people are not comfortable. In this candid photo, we see all the things that indicate discomfort.


My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 68 Salma Hayak and Edward Norton. This is some kind of event sponsored by Elle. This time she is the “star”. She is looking quite attractive and stunning, as she usually does. He is looking another direction. His eyes show little interest. He doesn’t have any facial muscular movement. The goatee is an interesting switch. His right hand is straight down at his side. Salma is holding something with her entire hand. That does not look comfortable for her. She is dressed phenomenally attractively. Her head is tilted (away from him). It appears she’s posing for a photo off to 8 o’clock. Her arm is gently around him. Her smile is a plastic smile here – not real - as you can see from previous experience reading body language. She’s doing a nice job professionally, giving it everything she’s got. She’s only borderline happy in this moment.

My Notes:

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END CD


Photo 69 Matt Leblanc and Wife. He is giving a kiss to his wife here. What is going on in this photo? What can you identify about her? Him? She is on the left here (to his right). There is some kind of poster in the background. Perhaps a Charlie’s Angels event – he appeared in that movie. Look at the muscle in her cheek. You can see the smile beginning. It’s a very closed-mouth smile. You see no other lines other than those that would indicate liking this person. Her eyebrows are fairly high up with the interest – curiositysurprise happening. She’s not totally comfortable – probably due to the setting. For Matt, this is not a passionate kiss on his part. His experience may be similar to that – but he’s not smiling. There is a line going down toward his jawbone – from kissing her with a bit of pressure/puckering up. His arm is around her, with his fingers curling up almost to her right breast.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 70 – 74 Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. In the photo showing the statue of a woman reclining, Ben is holding something tightly in his right hand about the size of a pack of cigarettes. He could have it in his pocket or the bag he’s carrying, but he doesn’t. Jennifer has her hand on his elbow, and looks like she’s trying to catch up with him. She does not look very happy. In the next photo, she is beginning to catch up to him. She is making strides, beginning to catch up. This is not a man who is going to wait for the girl to catch up with him. He is tightly holding that pack of cigarettes, and she has no hand to grab. © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 103 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

In the next photo in the sequence, her hand is still reaching out for him, wanting to touch him. Both have unhappy facial expressions. As he comes to the curb, he’s holding the bag at an angle behind him, and he’s not paying any attention to where she is, or any attention to her at all. He stops at the curb, but still does not make any effort to connect with her. She still has her hand reaching out for him. In the last picture, she finally gives up on him, and her hand appears suspended. This is the sequence of photos that led me to believe that this couple would not get married, and if they did, it would not last more than a year.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 75 Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins. They are close in proximity to each other. It is hard to tell the context, but it seems an important or serious event. For him, the eyebrows are down, he’s sort of defocused and looking off into space. His lips go in the direction of 4 o’clock. He seems out of it. Susan Sarandon has her eyes wide open and eyebrows very high. She is showing annoyance and slight curiosity. She’s looking up over her husband’s shoulder.


These people are in an unhappy or annoying setting here. She has a multicolored tag on her shirt – some kind of event. There is not much to be revealed with these people’s body language.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 76 - 79 Temptation Island Competitors. The concept of the show is that four couples compete in an interesting competition. They are couples that are engaged to be married or married. They are invited to the island to be tempted to cheat on their spouse. The men are pretty well cut, body builders and models perhaps. The women also are extremely attractive – also models? I was asked to determine from their body language whether or not the couples even knew each other before the show. Photo 76 This is a posed photo. It’s well balanced. Each side is a mirror image of the opposite side. In the upper left hand corner, you have a nice looking man with blue swim trunks, standing straight up. His right arm touches her stomach – but that’s set up. His arm is around her, and that’s set up also. The right side of her head is touching his left cheek. You notice that none of the other women are even close to their men. Perhaps this couple really is a couple. That closeness, that proximity is nice. Next to them you have a nice looking young man. But here you have no intimacy or connection between the two people. There is no apparent chemistry.


Go to the pictures at the bottom where they are sitting down. You have a very good-looking man and an attractive woman. His fingers are supposedly interlocked and holding the girl’s hand. Look at her fingers – it looks as if he might break them off! She does not look comfortable or happy. The leaning is away from him, not toward him. In this specific picture, I see no reason to believe these people knew each other before this photo shoot. In the lower right hand corner, I see a little bit more connection but not much. It would be tough to get that intimate with a man, sitting against his inner thigh like that, without having some kind of prior connection. This leads me to believe they do know each other. Her right arm goes around his leg, and it’s touching. This girl is very close to him. Either she’s very familiar and comfortable with him, or she does this a lot.

Photo 77 Upper left hand corner couple – you have a really comfortable pair of people. Once again her head touches up against his side. She has a genuine smile. She’s wearing a cross, which I find interesting for the context of the show. His arm is around her. The only thing I don’t like about this photo is looking at his hand – you see the fingers are curled in and not actually touching her skin. The first prediction was that these people know each other, but judging from the way his hand is here, perhaps they are only just friends. Photo 78 Focus on the tattooed man on the lower right. This is the same couple that I thought knew each other. This is a posed shot. There’s a couple of things here you just don’t do in posing. Her right hand is up on top of his shoulder. Her right leg is over his left leg. I would be inclined to think that they knew each other before this show. They are genuinely happy in this relationship. Photo 79 The other two couples I did not believe knew each other before. With this next couple, look at his right hand - the one with the watch on it. The thumb should be out toward her breasts, but they are curled in. There’s nothing here showing that these people knew each other. No chemistry, no connection. Photo 80 The next couple looks like they are brother and sister. It is startling, actually. Her head is tilted away from the young man’s. Her eyebrows are high, interested in the camera. This is a nice smile, but plastic. His smile is not one of happiness with this girl. I would stick with my assessment that they do not know each other.


My Notes:

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Bonus Section: Photo Photo 81 Kevin Hogan and Wendi Friesen. My right hand is up against my chin. I am subdued in this situation. She is expressive. This does not mean these two people do not like each other. Two different experiences are going on here. The context is a nice restaurant in Las Vegas. There are no frown or smile lines. The smile there on my face is a plastic smile, created and designed. The hand to the chin is a sign of thinking or pondering.


Wendi is somewhat opposite. Both hands are up on the table. She is neither happy nor sad, but vocally expressing something to someone at the other end of the table.

My Notes:

____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ Photo 82 Wendi Friesen, Kevin Hogan, Gido Saad. Wendi is in a pair of blue jeans, with a flip chart. I am posing for a photo. Also in the photo is Gido Saad, a Karate studio owner and instructor. My arm is around his shoulder. The reason he’s getting this picture taken is because he wanted the picture taken with me. I am showing status and power with my arm around him.

My Notes:

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Photo 83 Wendi Friesen, Dr. Ed Beebe, Kevin Hogan. She is genuinely happy in this moment. Her head tilts to the right. She is not completely comfortable with the person right next to her. She can be happy and still not completely comfortable. His arm is around her, and that could be why she’s comfortable – as it puts her in the least powerful position. Ed is extremely happy in the photo; his head is tilted a little toward me. It shows a bit of favoritism. My eyes are sensitive to the flash. The high cheekbones show happiness, contentment with the situation.

My Notes:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 84 Victoria Wizzell, Wendi Friesen, Kevin Hogan. Victoria Wizzell joined us for a photo. This is a created smile on Wendi’s face. You can tell the difference between this and the previous photo. She and the other woman in the picture are friends – yet Wendi still has a painted-on smile. On my face, you can see the smile lines on the forehead. You see the high cheek on the right side. Also do note, though, the hand on the hip. I have told you before that is a sign of discomfort. Perhaps the end of long day?

My Notes:


_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Photo 85 Victoria Wizzell, Wendi Friesen, Kevin Hogan. Big smiles. Perhaps in response to something someone said. Compare the genuine smile here on Wendi’s face with the photo before. When you have a real smile, there are plenty of muscles being utilized, creating lines on the face. If you can tell a genuine smile from a fake smile, you win! Wendi leans into Victoria. Victoria has her right hand around Wendi’s waist. Victoria’s in the middle again. Here you have a very happy person, cheeks are high, and the chin is out there. You can see the lines on both sides of Victoria’s face. On my face you can see I’m laughing. The smile lines are there on the forehead. The right cheek has a smile line. Putting my hand up on my hip, once again. This is a sign of discomfort.

My Notes:

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Photo 86 Victoria Wizzell, Kevin Hogan. Handshake photo of Victoria and myself. She asked for a couple of publicity shots with me. She’s trying to be a little too serious. Her lips are straight, the smile lines are gone. I’m trying to look at her in the eyes. I have a genuine smile. My hand is at my side, showing some degree of comfort.

My Notes:

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Analyzing body language is interesting and it can be fun. It can be unnerving sometimes. You will see cues from people and you will know what they mean, but may be frustrated when it’s inappropriate to comment on it. But it gives you information about what they’re thinking at the unconscious level. It ‘s very important to note that when someone is acting one way, and they are revealing something else with their body language, don’t immediately blurt out, “You’re lying!” or, “You’re being deceptive.” Your goal is to make a relationship better and not worse. If you tell them the fact you know their body is revealing something, it does not necessarily help the relationship What I look for when someone is communicating with me is strong eye contact. I wonder and try to gauge how much the other person is looking at me. If they look right at me when I‘m talking, I know there is interest. If their pupils are big and dilated, I know they like me. There are variables though, to keep in mind. The brighter the light in the room (or outside, obviously), © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 111 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

the smaller the pupil. Also, people have different sized pupils, and some people have naturally larger pupils. I like to see people leaning forward toward me. If they are leaning back, I like to see their arms open, or their hand to their chin so I know that they are at least pondering what I’m saying. Those are the crucial things. The most important thing is a head nod. When they do that, they are reinforcing what ever is going on in their head. They are accepting the information in that you are giving them. END CD This portion of the Body Language Home Study Course has been a pleasure to make. For the next 30 days after your purchase, you can email me at [email protected] with any questions you may have about this program or comments about the pictures.


Deception Detection (Interactive CD with Video) Listen to this volume (CD 8 of 8) along with observing the video labeled, “Detection Deception” that came with this program. We are going to be looking for signs of deception and lying. I am going to show you how to analyze non-verbal nuances to detect deception. First of all, photographs are very difficult to analyze for deception. That’s why we have included the video here for analysis of deception. How do we know when someone is just nervous, has some kind of distraction, or is really trying to deceive us? You will learn the signs here. If you take the entire context of what is going on in the situation before you begin asking the crucial or difficult questions, you can start to get an understanding of how the person normally communicates and then go on to compare it to what you believe may be deception.

Kathleen Willey The first piece of raw footage – I analyzed for various media across the country and for the BBC. This is footage of an interview with a woman named Kathleen Willey. She went to 60 Minutes and told them she had been inappropriately touched by then President Bill Clinton. The media wanted to know if she had been touched inappropriately, and why I believed or disbelieved her story. Watch the first 2 ½ minutes until you see the President come on screen. What we observe is a woman who has a bit of a start and stumble kind of communication style. She’ll begin speaking, pause and start again. She does not normally speak in full sentences. She tends to speak slow to medium speed. When you look at her and her husband in the photograph shown – you can observe that both of them look a bit dazed – and as if affected by alcohol or drugs. He looks a bit wild, wide-eyed and surprised about something. She has her hair long – and they both look to be living life to the fullest. During the interview, she looked a great deal at Ed Bradley. Usually this would be a sign of honesty or comfort with someone. Notice her pupils were very large. Notice when she is seeking to answer questions about the Easter egg roll, her eyes go up, as if searching memory.


Her intention was to go see the President for a full-time job. She was comfortable enough to go to the White House Oval Office and ask the President for help. This is someone who intimately knew the President and had some kind of a relationship with him. You get the impression at first that she had met the President on a couple of occasions. I don’t know if you are familiar with people who have met the President on a few occasions, but they don’t get access to the Oval Office. There’s probably about a quarter million people who have shook the President’s hand. Again, they are not let into the Oval Office for private conversations with the President. Go back and watch the first 2 ½ minutes and see if you can see the same things I have discussed. Then hit pause and come back. We will discuss the next piece, which is about 6 ½ minutes. If you’ve already watched through to this point, that’s fine. If not, watch all the way through now until the 8:51 mark. Keep watching until they talk about the President getting her a cup of coffee. You’ll know when this interview is up when video switches to an interview with Diane Sawyer and Ken Starr. Stop at that point. Watch the next 6 ½ minutes of the remainder of this portion of the video. Take notes about what you notice is similar and what is different about how she communicated at the beginning of the interview.

Notes about this section:

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ You want to pay attention to the signals that help you answer the question: is she lying? Pay attention to the clues you can discern from the context, not just non-verbals. Remember she has access to the President, which is not something the average person has. She talks about the President grabbing a Starbucks coffee cup. What is interesting about that? Then she follows him into the pantry. © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 114 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

Write down all your notes about this section. Come back at the 8:51 mark, and hit pause.

Notes about this section: s ection:

____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ What you just watched is a woman who is claiming that the President touched her inappropriately – he kissed her and he touched her breast. Let’s review the context, then non-verbals. The President gets her a cup of coffee. She remembers that there’s a steward in there. The cup he gets is a Starbucks cup, and he pulls it out of the pantry. Notice that she speaks rapidly here during this part of the story, as if she wants to run rapidly through it. Why? Is it because she wants to get to something else? Is it because she doesn’t want to talk about it? And what is she doing following the President into the pantry? She probably doesn’t really want anybody to know these details about herself. But, that is not the question we are trying to determine here, we are trying to determine: did he touch her inappropriately? It is interesting how you can forget what the whole point of why they are walking into the pantry is as she speaks. Let’s keep in mind the question we are trying to answer as we watch further. She tells him that her husband is in financial financia l ruin. It is at the crisis point. She asks if he will help. He says he will. She mentions he doesn’t seem to be completely listening, but she feels that he is. Her head bobs up and down. She thinks that he seems to care. He follows her. That means she she went somewhere. She wanted to head back to the Oval Office? He asks why don’t we go in my study; we can talk better there. Why isn’t she sitting somewhere already? They walk walk toward the study. She leans against the doorjamb. He gives her a hug. The hug lasts longer than it’s supposed to. She’s not very concerned about that, since he is the kind of person to hug others. She pauses. There’s a coffee cup in between them. She’s afraid she’s going to spill it on him or on herself. He takes the coffee cup from her and puts it on a bookcase. She says, says, “He kissed me on my mouth.” © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 115 No portion portion of this manual manual may be reproduced reproduced without without express express written written consent consent of the author. author.

Pause here and review the tape for congruence. Now, all of this sounds very believable. I see 100% congruence with what she has been saying and the truth. When you remember details like the Starbucks cup and the steward and placing the cup on the shelf, that is a sign of honesty. Something interesting happens at this mark. Now we are talking about the inappropriate contact. This is why she is here. She moves her eyes around now and she shakes her head. During the incident with the President was she hurt? Angry? Upset? Violent? No. She says she wonders to herself, “What is he doing?” She pushes away, but he‘s a big man, and he’s holding her tight. He touches her breast. And she says she’s startled. A common reaction reaction for other women women who’ve had a situation like this happen happen might be be to react in a stronger way. Perhaps a slap, or a yell. Or at least a verbalization that this is an unwelcome advance. If, as she says now, that this was inappropriate, she should have at this point been having a fight-or-flight reaction inside her own body. Heart racing, sweating, and the desire to punch or run. But she’s not, and admits that she’s only startled. She remembers his statement; “I’ve wanted to do this since the day I first laid eyes on you.” She says, “Aren’t you afraid that someone is going to walk in here?” That’s interesting because, if you were not comfortable, wouldn’t you be thinking, “I really wish someone would walk walk in here”? Or, wouldn’t you be thinking, once again, about trying to get away? Remember the context - she is on television here, speaking about her friend – the President of the United States - the man who was going to help her husband, who was in a financial mess. From the behavior shown on this videotape, I believe Kathleen Willey did all the things she said she did. I believe the details she has shared. She met with the President that day. There was a Starbucks coffee cup. She followed him into the pantry. There was a hug that lasted too long. He made the statement, “I’ve been wanting to do this since the first time I laid eyes on you.” He kissed her on the mouth. But, do I think she pushed him away? She followed him into the pantry. He wasn’t getting her a cup of coffee. They were both going into that little room together. This is where I believe the story diverts from the truth. This is probably why she moves through this part of the story fairly quickly. She slows down during the discussion about touching her breast. Did the President touch her breast? Probably. She is surprised that he’s not concerned about someone walking in and seeing them. This is the White House. Aren’t there cameras and security people all around? Her body language is consistent with someone telling the truth, although, she seems to have spun the truth in her own favor.


I suspect that, for the most part, the story is true. But, she has spun her story to make the President the only person who was wrong in this situation, and that there was nothing she did to contribute to the situation.

Ken Starr While you are watching this next interview with Ken Starr and Diane Sawyer, I want you to keep the following questions in mind:

    

Where is this conversation taking place? Where is Ken Starr’s left arm? Whose couch is that? Does he look comfortable? If he looks comfortable, why?

Pay attention to the eye contact in this interview. Look for sincerity. Before we get into the video, you need to be aware that at about the 9:24 mark, you will see Ken Starr tell a little fib. Diane Sawyer will ask a question like, ‘Do you wish you didn’t have to do this job?” Immediately before Ken Starr answered that question, you notice that his right hand goes back and scratches his right ear. This is a completely unconscious move, and there would be little chance that you or anyone would notice or observe the gesture in real time. He‘ll then answer the question, but we can tell that what he has said is a lie. This type of gesture is a leading indicator when someone is going to tell a “social lie”, and I’ll tell you why after you watch this portion of the tape. When Diane Sawyer is shown interviewing a number of people, that is where you will stop the tape and we will discuss what you saw on the tape.

Watch the approximately 2-½ minute clip of the Ken Starr interview. Then push pause.

Notes about this section: s ection:

____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ ____________________ __________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ______________ _____ © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 117 No portion portion of this manual manual may be reproduced reproduced without without express express written written consent consent of the author. author.

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This is a short piece of footage. Did you catch the lie? When someone asks a question that creates anxiety, then blood flows to the brain; it goes from the feet, the hands and the fingers up to the face, behind the nose. It makes the nose and the ears itch. In a situation such as that, anxiety is caused because the person is thinking that they don’t want others to know that piece of information about themselves. Remember when Diane Sawyer brought up the fact that he has been compared in the newspapers to Saddam Hussein, and other rulers? Just as she is saying those names to Ken Starr, who happens to be fundamentalist Christian and a very good person, notice that he puts on a plastic smile. This covers up many strong emotions inside as he listens to her. Diane Sawyer asks, “What do you want the history books to say about this in 30 years?” He sincerely begins, “I feel…” Notice that this is the first time that he uses that term. He says, “I feel they are my colleagues, they are my friends. We are honored by our friends.” He smiles. This is showing massive sincerity from this person at this point. Before you continue, go back and watch the pieces I pointed out. Notice sincerity and deception. Notice how hard it is to capture deception, and how easy it is to capture sincerity. Watch this portion of the tape over again.

Ken Starr’s Team of Attorneys This is only a 27 second clip, but so much happens. You get “liking”, and you get deception. This is Ken Starr’s team of attorneys who worked with him on the Clinton case. These are things for you to notice during this clip: 

How are the four people sitting as they are interviewed by Diane Sawyer?



The hands of the four people being interviewed - where are the hands? Are they similar or different?



When you look at the legs of the people as they are sitting, are they similar or different?



Is Julie Meyers being sincere, or proud?




When Ron Bittman, the man who interviewed Clinton at his house for his grand jury testimony, says, “There is not one of us here who is not proud to be a part of this,” do you believe him? Why?

Watch the 27-second clip now, paying attention to the questions noted above.


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When you know what to look for, body language starts to get easier. Right after Ken Starr says, “We are honored by our friends,” we knew that these were his friends. Where were all the hands? All in their lap. All identical. What about the feet and legs? They were all crossed identically, all of them. This is huge rapport, and it only happens either between people who work very closely together, or between people who like each other very much. When Julie is asked, “what type of questions are you asked?” Do you sense she’s ashamed, happy, proud? The facial expression shows lines, she’s leaning forward to tell the story – she’s proud and happy. Notice what happened when Ron Bittman responded. He looked, after speaking, at his friends in the sort of way that you do when you are trying to gain support from them. Did he believe himself? No. He did not. Did you see the leakage coming out of his feet? The unconscious anxiety came out at a mile a minute from his feet. The people on the panel were probably proud of their work, but Ron Bittman probably would never do it again. © 2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved 119 No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.

Go back and review. Understand those crucial points. The next 2 minutes with Ken Starr go by fast. Diane Sawyer asks a lot of questions. Notice when she asks about the Supreme Court – notice the pretend smile and the sadness in the eyes. Then there are two short clips. One of them is Ken Starr wagging his right hand and finger at an outdoor press conference. What do you notice about this? Then you get the President of the United States in his famous, “I did not have sex,” speech. Notice he is denying that relationship with his right hand. We will talk about that when we come back. Write down the answer to this question, “What happened when Diane Sawyer says, “Do you believe his apologies?” What does his head do? What about Hillary Clinton? We know he says something to the effect that she is very intelligent, but how does he really feel about her? What are the non-verbals telling you? Does he respect her? What do you think and why? When Diane asked, “Is he under investigation?” What does he do? What happens to his right hand as he is communicating with Diane? Then you will come to the 13:36 mark, where the President is getting ready for the press conference. We will get to that in a short while. For now, watch the Ken Starr piece. Then pause the video. Watch this portion of the Ken Starr video and then press pause.


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Did you notice that he was shaking his right hand in that press conference? When people get upset, they will vigorously shake their hand. Notice also that President Clinton was shaking his right hand during his press conference. He was denying the accusation with his right hand. He is left-handed. When you deny something with your weak hand, it carries no force. So make this gesture yourself. With your weak hand, shake it and make the statement, “I did not have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinsky.” Then try with your strong hand. Notice the difference. Also notice the President leans forward and grabs the podium and hunches over. This is someone who is struggling. What about Hillary Clinton? Did you see her as his adversary? Or someone he respects and admires? Why? What convinced you? He was very focused. His mouth got small. He looked down. He had a picture of her, putting her in a small box out in space. He admitted she was intelligent, but it was apparent he considers her an adversary. Diane talks about the investigation. His hand begins to go up and down. He was reacting to the fact that he believed she was off-track.

President Bill Clinton In the next portion of the video (at about 13:36) Brian Williams is about to announce that the President will be giving a press conference. Watch for: 

Take a watch and count the number of times the President’s eyes blink in the course of a minute.

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Realize this man has just been asked questions regarding his relationship with Monica Lewinsky. Now his focus is supposed to be on Osama bin Laden and the terrorist network. Write down anything you notice about the President’s behavior that leads you to believe he is sincere.

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What happens when he mentions the Pope?

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Pay particular attention to how he reacts in his Presidential role when the country is in trouble. Watch this portion of the video, and press pause.



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This is a very cogent piece of video. Partly because of what we know now about 9/11 and the terrorist component. During the opening minute when the President was uncomfortable, probably thinking about the day’s events, his eyes blinked dramatically during a one-minute time period. When the President is talking about something that he has done correctly, and feels justified in doing, notice he does not blink his eyes. What comes up now is the grand jury testimony. Ron Bittman asks the President all the questions that we didn’t really want to know the answer to. Notice every single nonverbal cue he makes. Look for:

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What does he do with his glasses?

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What does he do with his hand(s)?

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Does he have water? Diet Coke?

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Does he ever steeple his hands?

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What is his posture?

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What is his facial color?

Take notes, and we will talk about this piece in detail. We will contrast this with the segment about Osama bin Laden. Watch this piece and then press pause.


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The tape should be at about 21:25 when you are through with this segment. When a person blinks at a very fast rate, it is usually a sign of great distress and possibly lying or deception. When President Clinton was asked about the inappropriate conduct at about the 16:00 minute mark, he takes a big gulp. This is interesting leakage. Did you notice he was holding a piece of paper almost metaphorically, as if he had that piece of paper in his hand many times, and he was reading off that piece of paper? Amazing stuff. Notice at the 18:655 mark, he grabs a soft drink. What that tells me is that he’s not all that nervous at the particular moment. Usually when you get cottonmouth from discomfort, you want water. When they were talking about the gifts that were given to Monica Lewinsky, he is asked, did you give a lot of gifts? He takes a drink of water out of a big glass, no ice. He says he’s really not that interested in the “grift” issue. Why did he stumble and use the word grift, instead of the word gift? Sometimes there is an unconscious reason for the stumbled word – he didn’t want to answer this question. Review the above footage again before going to the next portion of the video.

Hillary Clinton There’s quite a bit to look at in this portion of the video. The piece starts out with Hillary Clinton talking with Dan Rather, who is a good friend of hers. We have a piece of communication first that is not controversial. This allows us to see how the person communicates in a more natural and comfortable setting. Then we can contrast that with when the person may feel under pressure, or more uncomfortable. We start off at about 21:28 where she’s talking about children. This is one of her favorite volunteer things to do, and she’s quite comfortable talking about it.


As the tape progresses, watch for:  

How fast is she communicating? Are her hands moving?

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How is she dressed?

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What is her vocal pace?

And when she beings to communicate about the President, and redemption and forgiveness, notice:

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What direction does her head shake?

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Does she blink?

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What lines do you see on her face?

Talk all the notes you can about all the non-verbals that you notice. Everything. View this portion of the tape now.


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This last 3-½ minutes of video are some of the most interesting on the whole tape. You witness her speaking about children and her childhood in a comfortable, natural way with left hand gestures, and fast verbals. People tend to speak that way when they are comfortable. That is the last time you see her left hand move during the interview. Then the tougher questions come.


After the question from Dan Rather, “Does your husband communicate mixed messages?” She immediately shakes her head left to right. When he speaks about forgiveness, her head shakes even more. Her comment is an interesting one, “Oh I’ve seen it too much.” This is an odd comment to make about forgiveness, isn’t it? It is a subtle unconscious response – she has seen it too much. Her head continues to shake. After the 24:00 minute mark, after the hard questions are over, she’s leaning forward, hands interlocked together. Dan asks, “How do you want to be remembered in 2050? What is the caption in the encyclopedia?” This time she congruently shakes her head. She says, “I don’t see myself in that way. I just wake up each day and do my best.” This seems to be a very congruent statement coming from her – congruent with her non-verbals. It’s interesting to note with Hillary Clinton in places where you and I might nod in conversation, she has a head shake. Review this portion of the tape one more time and record your additional notes and comments.


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Secrets of Body Language

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