PEACE… It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still still be calm in your heart~
Living and Leading with Laughter: Uncovering Your Sparkle
24th Annual KS School Nurse Conference "The more things change... The more we grow"
Diane P. McMillen, Ph.D. Washburn University Topeka, KS
[email protected]
I. Foundation for this Understanding A. "Outside-in" Prevention This approach has its focus on the conditions or variables that contribute to problem behaviors (i.e. cultural messages that model inappropriate behavior, stress from the social environment, organic problems, lack of opportunity, etc.) as well as conditions or variables that help people resist those problems (healthy self-perceptions, life skills, supports). B. "Inside-out" Prevention This approach has its focus on simply knowing that everyone has inside them everything they need to live healthy and humane lives. This is an innate and limitless capacity that when found, unfurls and comes out into the world and makes it a slightly better place for us all. And these "slightly betters" add up, and keep adding up, and then multiply and ripple out to affect others. Then before we know it we have prevented many, many problems and made our communities a better place because people are living healthier, wiser lives. Modello: A Story of Hope for the Inner-City and Beyond (Pransky, 1998) Modello and Homestead Gardens These were low-income housing projects in Dade County, Florida, which were replete with substance abuse, drug gangs, and violence. Results indicated that for the 150 families and 650 youth served by the program in the two housing projects, after three years: household use or selling drugs dropped from 65% to less than 20%; the overall crime rate decreased by 70-80%; the teen pregnancy rate dropped from 50+% to 10%; school dropout rates dropped from 60% to 10%; child abuse and neglect decreased by 70+%; households on public assistance went from 65% to negligible; and the parent unemployment rate dropped from 85% to 35%. II.
The Philosophy and Three Principles A. Innate Health Health is a natural state and a birthright of humans. A natural and buoyant state of health rises to the surface when people are connected to or aligned with their "spiritual
essence" or “wisdom" (or any number of other terms people may use), they do not engage in problem behaviors. B. Mind, Consciousness, Thought In the words of Sydney Banks (1998), who is credited with forming this understanding: Mind, Consciousness, and Thought are the three principles that enable us to acknowledge and respond to existence. They are the basic building blocks, and it is through these three components that all physical mysteries are unfolded. All psychological functions are born from these three principles. All human behavior and social structures on earth are formed via Mind, Consciousness, and Thought. (pp.21-22). These are not "new" principles. They are really universal, represent common sense, could be called by many different names, and are very similar to some of the great teachings throughout history and across many cultures. Mind: Mind with a capitol M is the intelligence behind all things formed and formless; this exists despite our ability to put it into words. The brain is biological; Mind is the spiritual energy that connects us in the universe. Consciousness: Is the gift of awareness within us that allows us to see creation and all it entails. The realization of our control and part in this existence called life. It is spiritual Wisdom within. Thought: Guide that lets us be thinking creatures as we go through this world. Thoughts are not reality, but they create our reality. III.
Deep Listening Listening that creates closeness and a good feeling, helps us see another's world as he/she sees it, and reveals where people are getting stuck or getting in their own way. Even in the act of listening, our thoughts are always happening. Much like leaves floating down a stream or clouds crossing the sky, they just keep coming and they are constantly calling for attention. While you can’t stop thoughts from coming, deep listening, or quiet listening, or listening with a quiet mind, keeps us from being snared by each one of them. With the clarity of a quiet mind, we can function from a place of spacious awareness, rather than our analytic mind, and we are often surprised to find solutions without having to “figure it out” (Dass & Gorman, 1985, pp. 101, 109).
IV.
Thoughts on Thought Let’s get curious about how two people have the same event occur (i.e. face a divorce, lose a job, plan a wedding, or see the same movie) and have completely different experiences.
a. b. c. d.
Humans are thinking creatures. Thought is our creative force that directs us through life. Every creation of humankind has been a product of Thought. We are continually having thoughts, some seem "new" to us, some thoughts are so familiar they have become "habits" of thinking. e. Consciousness brings thoughts to "life" and what we are thinking becomes our experience. f. We can experience nothing that is not our own thinking. Our experience is coming from the inside world, our thoughts, not anything that anyone "out there" is doing.
V.
Qualities of the Human Mind a. Creative--we are walking, talking, thinking machines with endless creativity and thousands of thoughts a day pop into our awareness. b. Fluctuates--high and low moods are part of the human experience, the same things look different when we are in a low mood, when our mood elevates we can see the bigger picture. c. “Feelings are the Barometer of our Thinking"--we can know our thinking is "off" by how we feel, our feelings are a result of a thought and are the indicator (like the warning light on your dashboard that your gas tank is low) to notice what we are thinking. d. The “science” of all this--new scientific research on the plasticity of the human brain is exploding and being applied in clinical practice (and everyday life) to help people attain the peaceful, satisfying, and happy lives they deserve.
Last Thought: Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime; therefore we must be saved by hope. Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in the immediate context of history; therefore we must be saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we are saved by love. —Reinhold Niebuhr (The Irony of History)
Bibliography Bailey, J. (2003). Slowing Down to the Speed of Love. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill. Bailey, J. (1999). The Speed Trap. San Francisco, CA: Harper San Francisco. Bailey, J. (1990). The Serenity Principle: Finding Inner Peace in Recovery. New York, NY. Harper Collins. Bailey, J., Carlson, R. (1997). Slowing Down to the Speed of Life. San Francisco, CA. Harper San Francisco. Banks, S. (2000) The Enlightened Gardener. Lone Pine Publishing. Renton, WA. Banks, S. (1998) The Missing Link. Lone Pine Publishing. Renton, WA. Dass, R & Gorman, P. (1985). How Can I Help. New York, NY. Alfred A. Knopf, Inc. Kelley, T. M. (1997). Falling in Love with Life. Rochester, MN. Breakthrough Press. Mills, R.C., Spittle, E. (2001). The Wisdom Within. Renton, WA. Lone Pine Publishing. Mills, Ami Chin (2005). The Spark Inside: A Special Book for Youth. Renton, WA. Lone Pine Publishing. Perry, B., Szalavitz, M. (2006). The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog: And other Stories from a Child's Psychiatrist Notebook. New York: Basic Books. Pransky, G. (1992) The Relationship Handbook. Blue Ridge Summit, PA. TAB Books. Pransky, J. (2006). Somebody Should Have Told Us (Simple Truths for Living Well). Springfield, MO. Burrell. Pransky, J. (1998) Modello: A story of Hope for the Inner City and Beyond. Cabot, VT. NEHRI Publications. Pransky, J. (1997) Parenting from the Heart. Cabo t, VT. NEHRI Publications. Seligman, M. (1998). Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. New York, Pocket Books. Siegal, D. (2011). Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation. New York, Bantam Books. Taylor, J.B. (2006). My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey.
www.drjilltaylor.com Tolle, E. (2005). A New Earth: Awakening Your Life’s Purposes. New York, NY. Plume. Web Sites: www.healthrealize.com www.centerforsustainablechange.org
http://www.ted.com/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight.html
Top 10 Habits for a Healthy Heart: 1. Remember that health is your natural state! Joy & peace are our natural state, our design, our birth right. Remind yourself of this as often as needed. 2. Remember it’s never the outside world: It’s your thoughts; not outside events that cause stress, upset, and resistance to your natural state of health. 3. Keep in mind we get to choose which “wolf” we feed: Once we are conscious that we are “making it up” we have the choice to let it go. 4. Choose to give attention (feed) the thoughts that make you feel good. Make this a conscious choice. 5. Monitor your emotions: Our feelings are a barometer of our thoughts. Check your barometer as needed. You may be “in the basement” and not even know it. Check your emotions and make changes accordingly. 6. Keep Rule #6 in mind!!! Rule #6 is “Don’t take yourself so dang seriously.” Life is way too important to take it so seriously!! 7. Spend time observing babies. Babies don’t really have a reason to express joy…think about it…what are they so happy about? They can’t walk or talk and they lie around and pee and poop themselves…yet they express pure joy. Observe them and emulate their joy. 8. Accept the guidance of your wisdom! Trust it! 9. Practice being in silence every day! Meditation, prayer, or just silence. Listen to your own breathing. If a thought pops in your head…notice it and let it pass…like a leave floating down stream…don’t follow it. Go back to noticing your breathing. 10. Practice gratitude! In fact, go on an appreciation “rampage.” Appreciate that the sun is shining…or admire a picture on the wall (the same picture that has been hanging on the wall for years). Enjoy nature, pets, and loved ones, enjoy the fact that you’re having a good hair day…Notice what usually goes unnoticed, appreciate it, and enjoy the feeling of aliveness that this precipitates.
The Story of Two Wolves
An old Cherokee Chief was teaching his grandson about life… “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
“One is evil—he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, Arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self doubt, and ego.
The other is good-he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, Humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
This same fight is going on inside you—and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old chief simply replied, The one you feed.” --Author Unknown
The Cookie Thief A woman was waiting at an airport one night, with several long hours before her flight. She hunted for a book in the airport shops, bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop. She was engrossed in her book but happened to see, that the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be. . .grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between, which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene. So she munched the cookies and watched the clock, as the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock. She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by, thinking, "If I wasn't so nice, I would blacken his eye." With each cookie she took, he took one too, when only one was left, she wondered what he would do. With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh, he took the last cookie and broke it in half. He offered her half, as he ate the other, she snatched it from him and thought... oooh, brother. This guy has some nerve and he's also rude, why he didn't even show any gratitude! She had never known when she had been so galled, and sighed with relief when her flight was called. She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate, refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate. She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat, then she sought her book, which was almost complete. As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise, there was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes. If mine are here, she moaned in despair, the others were his, and he tried to share. Too late to apologize, she realized with grief, that she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief. Author: Valerie Cox
How many times in our lives have we absolutely known that something was a certain way, only to discover later that what we believed to be true ... was not?
…our time in the silence is the most productive and creative time in the day. Being is more important than doing. ~Jack and Cornelia Addington Symptoms of Living in Health:
Watch for signs of Peace & Health. The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to it and it seems likely that we could find our society (our community) experiencing it in epidemic proportions soon! Here are some signs of inner peace: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.
Tendency to think and act spontaneously, rather than from fear. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment. Loss of interest in judging other people. Loss of interest in judging self. Loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others. Loss of interest in conflict. Loss of ability to worry (a very serious symptom)! Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation (appreciation rampages)! 9. Contented feelings of connectedness with others and with nature. 10. Frequent attacks of smiling through the eyes and from the heart. 11. Increasing tendency to let things happen rather than MAKE them happen. 12. Increasing susceptibility to love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it! If you have all or even most of the above symptoms, please be advised that your condition may be too far advanced to turn back! If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting several of these symptoms, remain exposed at your own risk. This condition of Inner Peace is likely well into its infectious stage!
The Best Pearl The most important lesson to learn here can be used in every area of life in regards to relationships. The lesson is not absorbing other people’s negative, toxic emotions, especially those of stressed out co-workers and/or the trauma-affected children you encounter. Their anger cannot become your anger; their fear cannot become your fear. Their rejection of you cannot become your rejection of them. The truth is…that you ARE Peace! Tips for clearing your emotions while maintaining healing harmony: 1) Whenever chaos is emerging (inside of you or out) remember the lessons you learned as a young person about what to do if you get caught on fire: Stop: Stop EVERYTHING, stop moving, stop talking, stop yourself. Quiet your mind! Drop: Drop into your breathing. Take a few deep breaths and get yourself back to YOU…Peace. Roll: Roll into your truth first, then, roll back into relationship with the other person. 2) Ask yourself, is this my true emotion or is this theirs? (Who am I?) 3) Focus all of your attention for just a moment on inhaling positive and exhaling negative. 4) Respond….don’t REACT. Deep listen. Respond to the fear that is typically under their anger, instead of reacting to the anger or emotion that is showing. Example: “Ruth, you only act this way when something is wrong…what’s up? What’s going on?” instead of, “Do NOT talk to me that way!!!” (Their anger is NOT yours…don’t let it be.) 5) Remind yourself “I am Peace.” 6) Find time each and every day to quiet your mind, stop your body, rest into your spirit of love and peace. Go to your inner sanctuary.
