Building Relationships by Communicating Communicating Supportively I.
Building Po Positive In Interpersonal Re Relationships.
Positive Positive relations relationships hips result result in important important physiolog physiological, ical, emotional emotional,, intellec intellectual, tual, and social social consequences. Moreover, positive relationships help people perform better in tasks, learn more effectively, and make fewer mental errors. Employees demonstrate more commitment to the organization and knowledge transfer among employees are enhanced when positive relationships among employees exist. While it is easy to create positive relationships when the individuals involved like one another, support one another, and behave according to expectations, the key is building positive positive relationships in situations situations involving involving negative communications. communications. The The auth author orss note note that that the the most most impo import rtan antt skil skilll for for effe effect ctiv ivee mana manage gers rs is the the abil abilit ity y to communicate communicate supportively supportively.. They see supportiv supportivee communicat communication ion as the ability ability to build build and strengthen relationships relationships that enhances feelings of trust, openness, openness, and support. If the relationship is enhanced enhanced or maintaine maintained d after communication communication;; then supportive supportive communica communication tion has been utilized. II.
The Im Importance of of Ef Effective Co Communication.
E-mails E-mails now dominate dominate organizati organizational onal communicat communication. ion. However, However, problems problems with electroni electronicc communication are: People receive too much information • Too much garbage with the message; information lacks significance or • meaning Effe Effect ctiv ivee inte interp rpre reta tati tion on and and use use of info inform rmat atio ion n depe depend ndss on the the • relationship the recipient has with sender. Overall, technology doesn’t make messages more useful unless good interpersonal relationships are in place first. first. Relations Relationships hips determine determine meaning. meaning. Research indicates indicates making making the most of electronic communication requires learning to communicate better face to face. Managerial success is usually determined by the individual’s ability to communicate face-to-face one-on-on one-on-onee with employees. employees. Most people believe they are effective communicator communicatorss and that communication problems are a product of others’ weaknesses, not their own. Most people don’t see the need to improve their own skill level in communication. Focus on Accuracy •
The model model used used to descri describe be the commun communica icatio tion n proces processs is usuall usually y something like this one.
TRANSMITTER
SOURCE
ENCODING
RECEIVER
DECODING
ñ NOISE
DESTINATION
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III.
The focus of most communication chapters and courses is on communication accuracy. When accuracy is the focus, attempts to improve communication generally center on improving the mechanics: transmitters and receivers, encoding and decoding, sources and destinations, and reducing or diminishing noise. But the most problematic aspect of communication is not lack of accuracy. The major inhibitor to communication is interpersonal communication problems.
What is Supportive communication?
Supportive communication is the kind of interpersonal communication that allows someone to communicate both accurately and honestly, especially in difficult circumstances, without jeopardizing the relationship. Supportive communication seeks to preserve or enhance the current relationship while providing information that is not complimentary or while resolving an uncomfortable issue with another person. •
Supportive communication has eight attributes (see table 4.2). Supportive communication is more than being a nice person; it is a proven competitive advantage for both managers and organizations. IV.
Coaching and Counseling.
Two common roles performed by managers are coaching and counseling others. 1. Coaching means giving advice, direction, or information to improve performance (focuses on abilities). 2. Counseling means helping the person understand and resolve a problem themselves by displaying understanding ( focuses on attitudes —state of mind, emotions, or personalities). Skillful coaching and counseling are especially important in two situations (1) rewarding positive performance and (2) correcting problem behaviors and attitudes. Both of these topics are discussed in more detail in Chapter 6, Motivating Others. The key is to match the right communication approach with the right motivation-related situation. Coaching and Counseling Problems Coaching problems are usually caused by lack of ability, insufficient information or understanding, or incompetence on the part of individuals. Chapter 6 on Motivating Employees gives guidelines for diagnosing the reasons for poor performance which could help guide the coaching suggestions. Counseling problems stems from a ttitudes, personality clashes, defensiveness, or other factors tied to emotions. A mismatch of the type of problem with the communication approach can aggravate the problem. Defensiveness and Disconfirmation
Supportive communication helps overcome the two major obstacles that result from poor interpersonal communication (see Table 4.3). a. Defensiveness— when people feel threatened or attacked and seek to protect themselves. b. Disconfirmation— w hen people feel worthless or undervalued and seek to reestablish self-worth. II.
Principles of Supportive Communication.
Supportive communication has eight attributes. 1. It is congruent, not incongruent. Congruent communication occurs when verbal and nonverbal matches • exactly what the communicator thinks or feels. Being incongruent creates the impression that a hidden agenda exists. 2. It is descriptive, not evaluative. Evaluative communication makes a judgment or places a label on other • individuals or on their behavior. Placing a label on someone else generally leads that person to place a label on you, which makes you defensive in return. Descriptive communication is designed to reduce a defensive reaction. There are three steps (see Table 4.4): (1) describe objectively your observation of the event; focus on behavior that can be comparable to accepted standards, (2) describe your reaction or others’ to the behavior; consequences of the behavior can be noted, and (3) suggest acceptable alternative; find a solution acceptable to all, don’t look to place blame. 3. It is problem oriented, not person oriented. Problem-oriented focuses on problems and solutions rather than on a • person’s traits. Problem-oriented focuses on behaviors or events. People often can change their behavior easier than changing their personality. Link problem-oriented to accepted standards or expectations not personal opinions. 4. It validates rather than invalidates people. Validating communication helps people feel recognized, understood, • accepted, and valued. Invalidation is more destructive than criticism. Communication that invalidates an individual conveys the following: o Superiority gives the impression the communicator is informed while other are ignorant or competent while other are incompetent. Common examples are put-downs, one-upmanship, using jargon or acronyms that others don’t understand. Rigidity is communication that is portrayed as absolute, o unequivocal, or unquestionable. “Know-it-alls” and dogmatic communication also invalidate others’ perspectives. Another example is reducing complex issues to simplistic generalizations. Indifference is communicated when the other person’s existence or o importance is not acknowledged. Examples are avoiding eye contact, not responding, interrupting frequently, and engaging in unrelated activity during the conversation. o Imperviousness means that the communicator does not acknowledge the feelings or opinions of the other person. Examples •
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are statements like “you shouldn’t feel that way”, “you don’t understand” or “your opinion is naïve”. Validating communication has the following four attributes: a. Egalitarian (opposite of superiority) is a higher status person interacts positively with someone of lower status (boss with subordinate). Asking opinions, suggestions, and ideas from subordinates. b. Flexibility (opposite rigidity) is the willingness to be receptive to other people, learn from others, and to be open to new experiences. c. Two-way communication where people are given air-time and ask to participate. d. Identifies areas of agreement where everyone can agree before moving on to something else. It is specific and useful, not global and nonuseful. Specific statements identify something that can be understood and acted • upon. Specific statements avoid extremes and absolutes as well as either-or statements. Comments should focus on items a person has control over. It is conjunctive, not disjunctive. Conjunctive communication is joined to previous messages and allows the • conversation to flow smoothly. Not dominating the conversation, asking questions related to prior comments, and waiting for a sentence to be completed before responding are examples of conjunctive communication. Examples of disjunctive are by (1) controlling air time, (2) extended pauses, and (3) the topic is decided unilaterally. It is owned, not disowned. Owned communication is taking responsibility for one’s statement. Using “I” • “me” “mine” indicates ownership. Disowned is attributing to another unknown group (“they”). It involves supportive listening, not one-way message delivery. The other seven attributes focus on message delivery, listening and • responding is equally important. Listening has been identified as the most important skill as a manager. Poorest listening skills are found when interacting with family and coworkers. Figure 4.3 lists four major responses. Closed responses eliminate discussion and provide direction. Open responses allow the communicator, not the listener, to control the topic. Most people use advising responses the majority of the time. The most competent listeners use reflective responses. Reflective responses should be used early in a conversation or relationship, and advising in later stages. Each response has certain advantages and disadvantages and none are appropriate all the time under all circumstances.
Response Types and Supportive Listening 1.
Advising responses provide advice, personal opinion, or instructions. Advising responses are appropriate when the listener has expertise or communicator needs direction. Four problems with the advising response are: (1) produce dependence, (2) creates impression that the communicator is not being understood by the listener, (3) shifts focus from communicator’s issue to listener’s advice, and (4) implies communicator is incompetent. The key,
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unless directly asked, is to avoid giving advice as a first response. It’s better to communicate concern or personal interest as an initial response. Deflecting responses switch the focus from the communicator’s problem to that selected by the listener. The listener changes the subject and substitutes their topic for the communicator’s. Most appropriate when a comparison or some reassurance is needed. Deflecting can provide empathy or assurance. Disadvantages are (1) deflecting can imply that the communicator’s message is not important, (2) listener’s experience is viewed as more important, (3) can provide competitive feelings or one-upmanship, and (4) perception of changing subject to something more important. Probing responses ask questions or seek more information. “Why” questions are seldom as effective as “what” questions. The probes should be tailored to fit the situation (see Table 4.5). Elaboration probe should be used to acquire more information. Clarification probe is used when the message is unclear or ambiguous. Repetition probe works best when communicator is avoiding the topic or hasn’t answered the question. Reflection probe is used to encourage more in-depth pursuit of the same topic. Reflecting responses mirror the message just delivered in order to communicate understanding. Reflective responding involves paraphrasing and clarifying the message by contributing meaning and understanding. A disadvantage is that reflective responses can be perceived as a superficial response. A key is to respond to expressed feelings before responding to content and avoid expressing agreement or disagreement with statements as a first response.
VI. Personal Management Interview program.
One important difference between effective and ineffective managers is providing subordinates with opportunities to receive regular feedback, to feel supported and bolstered, and to be coached and counseled. The Personal Management Interview (PMI) is a regularly scheduled, one-onone meeting between a manager and his subordinates (see Table 4.6). Research indicates better organizational performance for managers using the PMI. Two steps are involved in a PMI program, (1) A role negotiation meeting and (2) a set of ongoing regular private meetings with each subordinate. Role negotiation meeting is to establish ground rules, spell out expectations, and clarify standards. A written record is made of the agreements and responsibilities. The second step is regular private meetings (usually once per month). The goal is to foster improvement in performance and strengthen relationships. Both parties should prepare for the meeting. The meeting should always result in action items for both parties which are reviewed at the next meeting to establish accountability. VII. International Caveats.
Some international differences must be kept in mind when identifying supportive communication across cultures. A. Affective cultures (Middle East, Southern Europe) are more inclined to be expressive and personal in their responses. Particularistic cultures (Korea, China, and Indonesia) are more likely to allow individuals to work out issues in their own way compared to universalistic cultures (USA) where a common pattern or approach is preferred. Reflective responses are more common in particularistic cultures and advising more typical in universalistic cultures.
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On the other hand, cultural differences do not negate these eight guidelines for supportive communication, as they have been found to be effective in almost all cultures worldwide. Effective communication across or within cultures is based on sensitivity to individual differences and styles.
Summary.
The most important barriers to effective communication in organizations are interpersonal. Dysfunctional communication is seldom associated with situations where positive communication occurs. This chapter addresses the situation when negative communication occurs. Handling these negative situations through supportive communication builds and strengthens the relationship and is one mark of an effective manager.
