Youth - Dealing With Loss and Grief

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Youthbeyondblue Fact sheet 16

DEAL EALING ING WITH WITH LOSS AND GRI GRIEF EF

SUGGESTIONS FOR MANAGING LOSS AND GRIEF It can be helpul to:

•Allowyourselftocry–lettingyour eelings out can bring some relie.

We all experience losing a loved one some time in our lives. No matter how old you are, this is upsetting and painful and leaves you with a range of feelings from shock and disbelief to sadness, anger and loneliness. It takes time to get over these feelings and to adjust to life without the person, but it is possible. GRIEVING TAKES TIME Feelings o grie are dierent or each person and take time to pass. The eelings may be so intense that you eel like you’re out o control and can’t stop crying. On the other hand you may eel empty and numb. You might fnd it difcult to eat and have trouble sleeping at night. Grie can cause physical changes as well, such as headaches, stomach aches or getting colds easily. There is no ‘right’ way to react because everybody deals with loss dierently.  As time passes, the eelings o grie won’t be there all the time and they’ll be less intense. But reminders o your loved one and situations that would have involved both o you may make you eel the loss more strongly.

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Special occasions lik e Easter, Christmas, or birthdays, or looking at photos rom when the person was around, can be really painul. Many people fnd loss hard to accept. It takes some people longer than others to adjust. The eelings that come with grie, such as difculty controlling emotions and moods, and eeling teary and tired, can be similar to depression. Grie can also be a trigger or depression. Emotions can be so intense that sometimes it is difcult t o know whether you’re eeling down because o the grie or whether you have symptoms o depression. A simple dierence between the two is that eelings o grie come and go and change in intensity, while depression aects you nearly all the time.

WORKING THROUGH THROUGH GRIEF GR IEF It can eel like there’s nothing you can do to work  through your grie. But there are some practical things to help you on the journey towards a new lie. Keeping a diary o your eelings and memories can give some relie and also show you how your eelings o grie have changed over time. It can also help to write a letter to the person to say goodbye – include what you did together and what you really valued in your relationship. I you don’t eel like writing, you could keep a book i n which you draw pictures or other visual reminders o your time together together..

www.youthbeyondblue.com 1300 22 4636

beyondblue: the national depression initiative 

•Taketimeout–ifyouneedtobe alone sometimes that’s okay. •Letyourselfsmile–it’sokaytoenjoy your memories. •Saygoodbye–lettinggoispartof the grieving process. •Avoidbottlingthingsup–keeping eelings to yoursel may build tension inside you. •Begentlewithyourself–give yoursel time to recover. •Talktosomeone–sharingyour eelings with someone you trust can help. •Stayhealthy–eatwellandstay physically active. It’s not helpul to:

•usealcoholordrugstodullyourpain •actoutyourfrustrationwithrisky behaviour (e.g. reckless driving) •takeoutyourangeronothers •experimentcasuallywithsexto get close to someone •hideyourfeelingstoprotect someone else.

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Some people fnd it helps to have a ‘grie period’ every day, when they spend time alone thinking, crying, praying, meditating, writing or drawing. On the other hand, it’s a good idea to take some ti me out rom grieving, or examplebylisteningtomusicorgoingtothemovies, playing sport or reading. The process o grieving can seem long and lonely, so it can help to fnd someone you can talk to about your eelings – a riend or relative, or you may preer to talk  to a teacher, counsellor or doctor.

WHEN IS IT OVER? It’s impossible to predict how long it will take someone to overcome grie. Feelings come and go, and it can eel like you’re always taking one step orward and two steps back. For most people time is the best healer,, and it may take weeks or months beore healer you can start to accept the changes in your lie. Feeling better is a sign that you’re working through your grie and adjusting to lie without your loved one – it doesn’t mean that you’re orgetting them or l etting them down. I you continue to eel down, it may be that other things are aecting your mood. I you eel sad or miserable most o the time and have lost interest in things you usedtoenjoy,youmaybe usedtoenjoy ,youmaybeexperiencingdepre experiencingdepression ssion and need to get some help.

KEY POINTS TO REMEMBER Losing a loved one is a stressul experience. Most people pass through the period o grie but some continue to eel unhappy or a long time. Sometimes people develop a Major Depressive Episode ater losing a loved one. You You may be experiencing Major Depression i or MORE THAN TWO WEEKS you: •havefeltsad,downormiserableorirritablemost o the time •havelostinterestorenjoymentinnearlyallofyour usual activities.  You might also be:

•notdoingsowellatschool,universityor work and/or •experiencingchangesinyourrelationshipswith amily and riends. I this applies and you also have FOUR OR MORE o the ollowing symptoms, you may have depression:

•lostorgainedlotsofweight •restless,agitatedorsloweddown •lostalotofenergyandfeeltiredallthetime

MORE INFORMATION AND SUPPORT

headspace www.headspace.org.au Inormation, support and help near you

 You can speak to trained counsellors by phoning these 24-hour telephone counselling services:

Reach Out! www.reachout.com.au Inormation and support or young people going through tough times

Lieline 13 11 14 (cost o a local call) Kids Help Line 1800 55 1800 (reecall)

The websites below can help you to fnd health services in your area. They list services that are either ree o charge or low cost:

Inormation and support is also available rom the ollowing websites: beyondblue  www.youthbeyondblue.com or www.beyo www.beyondblue.org.au ndblue.org.au Informationondepression,anxiety and how to help a riend

•nditdifculttoconcentrateormakeupyourmind •feelworthlessorguilty •feelthatlifeisnotworthliving. I this is happening to you, talk to your doctor doctor.. These eelings are unlikely to go away on their own.

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SOURCES

Kids Help Line www.kidshelp.com.au Lieline Service Finder www.lieline.org.au/service_fnder I you or a riend want to communicate with someone via email or online, Kids Help Line oers confdential, non-judgemental, emotional support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

This act sheet is based on the ollowing sources:

beyondblue www.youthbeyondblue.comn Reach Out! www.reachout. www.reachout.com.au com.au nGreatOrmond GreatOrmondStreetHospital, StreetHospital,Londonwww.childrenrst.nhs.uk  Londonwww.childrenrst.nhs.uk  nTheAustralianC TheAustralianChild&AdolescentT hild&AdolescentTrauma,Loss&GriefNetworkwww rauma,Loss&GriefNetworkwww.earlytraumagrief.anu.edu.au .earlytraumagrief.anu.edu.au nNALAGcentreforgriefandlosswww.nalag.org.au n

www.youthbeyondblue.com 1300 22 4636

beyondblue: the national depression initiative 

05/09