Alpha Male Planner Presents . . .
A Man's Guide To Better Banter (A.K.A. "Flirting Deconstructed")
$97
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CONTENTS Introduction
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A. What Is Banter?
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B. Your Banter Journal
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C. The Four Elements Of Winning Banter
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D. Putting It All Together – Strategies For developing winning banter
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E. How you will build your repertoire over time
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F.
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From Passive To Active -- "Setting Up" Your Trigger Banter
G. Where to go from here
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Introduction $97 for 17 pages? Yes. We're not going to waste your time. We could have bloated this eBook into 200 pages, but we didn't. We simply packed it with the latest, cutting edge information on flirting and bantering in existence. If you actually do the exercises in the book, and practice out in the world, and you don't see dramatic improvement in your ability to flirt . . . just ask, and we will give a full refund. The guide is broken into several parts: What is Banter Your Banter Journal The Four Elements Of Winning Banter Putting It All Together – Strategies For developing winning banter From Passive To Active -- Setting Up Your Trigger Banter How you will build your repertoire over time Where to go from here You can most likely READ it in one sitting. But you should spend many hours doing the exercises. So, let's get started.
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A. What Is Banter? Banter is play. It's fun. And if you can do it well, it displays a lot of qualities that women find attractive. Here's an example: Banter Example: Suppose a woman catches you looking at her, and she asks you: "Were you just checking me out?" You could say: "Yes, I was. But you were so eager for my opinion I didn't get a chance to give you a rating." [you can add . . . "I've got you pegged for at least a '5'. If you want higher, you're going to have to give me more time."] This is effective banter. She's asking if you're checking her out -- as if she's caught you doing something wrong. She might be flirting herself, but her choice of frame puts her in control. But then, with a line of banter, you reframe the situation. Now you're talking as if the reason she's asking if you're checking her out is because she's eager to know what you think of her. This puts you back in control, and establishes your skill as a verbal swordsman. You've won the frame game. Say this with a smile, and she might just play in your interpretive sandbox for a while. She might beg for a higher rating and ask you to check her out some more. You can play with the numbers all night long at that point. Banter has the appearance of being "spontaneous". That makes banter different from other material you might use to atttract women. For instance, stories and routine stacks are often used as "active material". You go into a situation planning to use active material. With good banter, you wait for situations to arise, and you always seem to have the right response for the right situation. Good banter seems to come mysteriously off the top of your head. That's why your ability to banter well can tell a woman a lot about you. It says that you're intelligent, socially aware, and fun. Most men believe that you're either the kind of guy who can think of great responses off the top of your head -- or you're not. And, if you're not, there's not really much you can do about it. This view is mistaken. Almost any man can become a better banterer. It helps if you understand the hidden structure of banter. And it helps to be organized and patient as you build up your repertoire. But it doesn't really take that long. You should become a much better banterer just by working through 4
this guide. And, if you are organized and persistent, you will become a master-banterer in just a few months. Here's the key. You need to have dozens of "spontaneous" responses ready to go. And you need to let situations trigger your banter as they arise. Yes, the key to being spontaneous is to plan. But you'll be amazed at how easy it is to have pre-planned responses to the most common situations that arise in flirting contexts. Don't feel like you have to be able to handle every situation immediately. You will build up your repertoire over time, and you'll fill in more and more gaps as you go. And, once you're prepared with a lot of good responses, and you start to really internalize the structure and role of good banter, and you get experience with how women respond, you'll find you start coming up with good banter on the fly as well. So, let's get started.
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B. Your Banter Journal. The first thing you MUST do, if you want to get better at bantering is get a banter journal. In order to make progress quickly, you need to record all your banter -- the situations that trigger your responses, and all your responses. And you need to review it fairly often. If you want the best solution for recording your banter, you should take a look at the Alpha Male Planner membership service. Alpha Male Planner allows you to build routine libraries (among other things). It's ideal for recording your trigger banter, because you can get others' feedback on routines, and you can keep track of which women you've used your routines with. But you don't have to use a system like Alpha Male Planner in order to have an effective banter journal. You can build a banter repertoire just fine with a plain notebook, or a word document on your computer instead. Whichever way you choose to go, having a banter journal will definitely accelerate your progress. Plus, when you get a few dozen replies in your journal, it's just fun to sit and read through it. Doing that from time to time will help you see patterns, and will make it more likely that you can come up with truly spontaneous responses when you need them. So, do yourself a favor. Get a notebook or Word document or an Alpha Male Planner membership and start your journal immediately.
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C. The Four Elements Of Winning Banter Winning banter has 4 main elements, the situation, the frame, the response and the attitude. If you get these four things matched up correctly, you'll have winning banter every time. Let's take a look at each of the four elements. Then, in the next section, we'll see how to put them all together. 1.The situation: Any situation that happens when you are in a woman's presence can serve as a trigger for banter. The situation can be something she says or does. It can be something you say or do. And it can be something else that happens around you. Most of the time, however, you will riff off things she says and does. Example: Suppose she tells you she went to Harvard. You can tell her, "wow, that's impressive. You've just earned 5 more minutes with me." -- credit Swinggcat
2.The frame Now DON'T get the "frame" confused with the "response". The frame is what you'll use to create your response. And if your response is well-crafted, it will invite the woman to think of your frame in order to interpret the response. But you don't actually ever say the frame. A frame is a shared interpretive scheme. It's a proposition that helps put context around an event. It's an unspoken pressupposition that she has to adopt in order to understand your response. Take the open statement: "This situation happened because ________". A useful frame is what you use to fill in the blank, in order to make sense of the situation. Suppose a woman bends down in a coffee shop to pick something up off the ground. You might wonder, "why is she bending down?", and the most salient frame might be "she's bending down because she works here, and it's her job to make sure things stay clean. " That interpretation helps you make sense of her bending down in front of you. But, while true, that frame isn't the most useful for your purposes. Let's see what it looks like when we interpret her action in a different way. Suppose you see her bend down in front of you, and you say, "Oh, I don't actually require people to bow down before me any more. There are all kinds of other ways to show your admiration these days." 7
See how this puts an entirely different frame on the situation? It's as if you're a benevolent Lord, and she's your dutiful subject. It's as if you had asked yourself, "why is she bending down?", and your answer was "she's bending down because she's admiring me." You don't actually say that she's bending down because she's admiring you, but you imply it with your response. And she has to adopt that frame for a second to make sense of your response. Of course the new frame isn't the most likely interpretation. It's almost certainly false. But it's funny. And, if you deliver it well, she'll accept your frame for a minute just for the fun of it. It invites role-playing, which most women in good moods love to do. (and you can keep her in a good mood by pairing your banter with confidence and a good smile.) Don't be surprised if she starts in with some mock admiration. At the least you should get a pleasant giggle. QUICK-QUIZ: What's the frame in the "Harvard" banter given above? In other words, fill in the blank:* "She told me she went to Harvard because _________." * Answer at end of guide There are several frames you should use over and over in attraction and seduction contexts. These include: You're
the prize women want to possess. (Swinggcat's main frame) a naughty girl. She's trying to impress you. You're a benevolent authority. All her friends would love you. Other men look up to you. (Mystery) You're the great protector of your friends and family. (Mystery) You can handle anything. Women love you. You're fun to hang out with You're deep and poetic. You're great in bed. Your world is more fun than her world. Your life is one adventure after another. Etc. She's
These are all Alpha Male frames. None of them are self-deprecating. And none are meanspirited either. Some are a little arrogant. And all are potentially playful. If you re-frame things in a fun way, it can wind up leading to a little light role playing of things that are very useful for your goals of generating arousal and attraction. She will experience for a moment what it's like to admire you, have fun with you, and be proud to be with you.
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3.The Response. This is the actual line you speak (or thing you do). The response you give to the situation should be something that only makes sense within your chosen frame. It should also be somewhat light and funny. You've seen some examples of good responses already, and we'll look at how to create more good responses in the next main section.
4.Your Attitude. As "Bishop" says, your attitude needs to be playful and arrogant. I like the term 'playful', because it reminds you that the girl needs to be "in on it". You're not making fun of her, or having fun at her expense. You're having fun "with her". You're going to frame things so she gets to have fun treating you as "the big man". But she does get to have fun. Keep this in mind. The best example I can think of -- of a man who "gets it" -- is Jack from Jack in the box. Think about it. He's a goofy looking round white guy with a perma-grin and a pointy hat. But he's the biggest Alpha Male around. Everybody loves him. And everybody wants to be his friend. Hint: It's not his looks! So how does a goofy looking round white ball achieve alpha male status? It's all in the attitude. He's arrogant, but playful. Really watch a few Jack in the Box commercials and pick up his playful arrogance. It's there. Both parts usually. And all his employees ultimately have fun in his presence. They all laugh and look up to him. They love Jack. They love looking up to Jack. Now contrast this with the ads Burger King tries to run in response. They have a big goofy looking king. But it doesn't work for BK like it does for Jack. Why not? The King is just goofy. And when they do put some humor in the ads, it's biting, sarcastic, and sometimes mean. Instead of playful and arrogant, they go for goofy and mean. Don't be the goofy mean guy. Burger King, if you're reading this, take my advice and go for playful arrogance. (And you can send my million-dollar consulting check in the mail :-) ) So here's the bottom line about your attitude when you deliver banter. Say something arrogant that puts a very favorable frame around you. But smile. Let her in on the joke. Let her have fun with it, too. Invite her to role play (not explicitly, of course). Don't make her feel like your high status depends on being mean to her. Bring her up with you at times if you can. Let her share some of your power at times. You are the granter of all good things. If she's working, act like you're the boss. But after you tell her to sweep the floor, tell her she can take the night off, and you're going to double her salary. Sure, you tease, and make fun a little, but make sure the smile is right under the surface. You need to break the tension and make it fun again fairly soon.
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As you get more experience you can play with allowing the tension to linger a bit longer, but be careful. There's a fine line between cocky/funny and "jerk". And you don't need to play that close to the line -- especially in venues you frequent often. There are risks you can take in a bar in another city that you don't want to take in your local coffee shop. There are times to make fun of a woman a bit. So don't take this as absolute gospel. But generally, you want to let her play, too.
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D. Putting It All Together – Strategies For developing winning banter There are five steps to creating a good piece of banter. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
State the situation. Select a frame. Ask the key question. Brainstorm responses. Edit your responses.
Let's take a look at each step more closely:
1. State the situation: This is the place to start, because often you will have been in a situation, and you didn't think of anything good to say, and now you're trying to figure out what you should have said. The situation is set, and you're going to try to come up with a good response. Here are some sample situations: she
asks if you're checking her out she tells you she goes to Harvard she picks her nose she asks you to watch her stuff for her she slouches she has crossed arms she scowls she touches you she brags she bends down to tie her shoe she pouts when you tease her she does something for you she says something sarcastic she tries to get you to buy her a drink she pulls away when you try to kiss her she likes something you don't she does something inappropriate she asks if you're a player she seems a little uncomfortable while you're making out, and seems like she's ready to pull away she does something that turns you on she sweeps the floor she wipes a table she checks herself in the mirror she says she has a boyfriend she asks if you have a girlfriend 11
she
acts like a brat she acts suspicious she says she's going to get her friends she says she's going to get a drink she's in your way she's standing in front of you in line she's standing behind you in line she smiles she's wearing an interesting piece of jewelry she's got an interesting tattoo she sneezes she coughs she gets the hiccups she looks at you and smiles she has a wedding band on her finger she has an engagement ring on her finger she has a non-wedding, non-engagement ring on her left ring finger she takes a sip of her drink she's singing to herself she touches your arm she calls you a dork she sits by you she looks at the floor she looks at her watch she asks you what time it is she has a huge purse she asks for your phone number she asks where you live she asks what you do for a living she asks what kind of car you drive she makes eye contact with you from across the room she's standing in front of you in a long line she's standing behind you in a long line she's wearing headphones she's looking at something posted on the wall she's looking at the newspaper at the newspaper rack she's looking at magazines in the book store And there are many other situations that can trigger good banter. Almost any situation can be made to work. Typically, when you're creating banter, you'll have a specific situation in mind. It will usually be a situation you've recently been in. You probably didn't handle the situation very well, and now you want to prepare yourself for next time. Keep adding situations to your list as you run into them.
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2. Choose a frame Here are some of the most useful frames again: You're
the prize women want to possess. (Swinggcat's main frame) a naughty girl. She's trying to impress you. You're a benevolent authority. All her friends would love you. Other men look up to you. (Mystery says you're the "tribal leader") You're the great protector of your friends and family. (Mystery) You can handle anything. Women love you. You're fun to hang out with. You're deep and poetic. You're great in bed. Your world is more fun than her world. Your life is one adventure after another. Etc. She's
Try to pick a frame that matches the phase of the interaction you're in. If you just met, perhaps you don't want to go right for "you're great in bed". Also, some frames might fit some situations better than others. But you'd be surprised about how well you can apply almost any alternative frame to almost any situation with a little persistence and creativity.
3. Ask the KEY question: Here's the Key Question:
When _____________________________________________________, (situation)
how can I respond in a way that supports the idea that _______________________________________________________ ? (frame)
Just write the situation into the first blank. And write the frame you chose into the second blank. Then you've got your key question. So, for instance, if you chose "she bends down to pick something up off the ground" as the 13
situation, and you chose "you're the highest authority in her world" as the frame, you would wind up with this key question: When she bends down to pick something up off the ground, how can I respond in a way that supports the idea that I am the highest authority in her world? Now you can brainstorm responses to this question.
4. Do the brainstorming. Once you have your key question, brainstorm some responses. This is the key step. It can be difficult at first. Three things will help: Having
specific pieces of good banter in mind to model your responses off. Have general types of good trigger banter in mind to spark your ideas. Use traditional brainstorming tricks to generate ideas. let's look at each of these. a. Use Existing Banter To Model New Banter From. I'm listing a few pieces of good banter in this guide, but it's probably not enough to get a full, general picture of what good banter looks like. The same will be true of other attraction guides. They will include some good lines, but only a handful. I may release a "treasury of trigger banter" type collection at some point, but it's not in the works yet, so there's nothing available yet to give you a really meaty set of trigger banter examples. The fullest source of trigger banter available today is available to Alpha Male Planner members. There are currently dozens of trigger banter lines in the AMP database, and it's growing all the time. Wherever you get your initial set of examples, you should start collecting them, and using them as examples for creating new banter. At the least you can record all the examples you run into in various dating and seduction manuals (I'll mention a couple particularly good resources in the final section of this guide). That will give you a pretty good feel for things. Feel free to "jump start" your banter journal with other guys' banter. And over time you will add your own pieces of banter to your journal. If you are diligent about adding new material to your Banter Journal, you will soon have dozens of your own pieces of trigger banter, and you will be able to riff off your own stuff. b. Use General Strategies To Construct New Banter. Here are some general kinds of responses you can try: 14
accuse
her of something play some crazy situation. hire her. give her the day off. give her a job to create something for you. exaggerate don't give a straight answer get her to do something for you create a gift out of thin air misinterpret her behaviours reverse traditional sexual roles and stereotypes role
There are many other kinds of responses you can have, but this should be a good list to get you thinking along the right lines. c. Use traditional brainstorming tricks to generate ideas. People often think of creativity as being "free from constraints", but often they actually get more creative when you add additional constraints. Sometimes we don't need to think "ouside" the box, but "inside" a different box. Pick a random word (like "watermelon") that you have to fit into the response. This constraint will sometimes help you be more creative. Don't get stuck too long before switching words or approaches, but give it a try if you're stuck. You can always pull the "required" word back out of the response as you edit it, if it doesn't really fit all that well. Also, get your body involved. Get up out of your chair and walk around. Vocalize, role play, and talk to yourself. The more senses you get involved (sight, sound, touch, taste, smell, and logic), the more likely your brain is to yield a good response. Just keep trying to answer the key question, and keep writing down as many responses as you can think of. And if you REALLY want to brainstorm some good responses, get a couple friends together and brainstorm together. Once you have a few ideas written down, you can combine, revise, mold, shape, and tinker with the responses until you get some really promising responses.
5. Edit your responses. Imaginatively rehearse how the response might go. Think about how it would go with different kinds of women. And think of how it might go in situations that are pretty similar to the one you actually faced, but might differ in some ways. Sometimes, at this phase, you'll realize that you have a response that's funny enough, but it's a 15
little too "self-deprecating" or something. This is your chance to make sure the responses support the frames you want them to support. Be ruthless here. Don't settle for a response that's funny or clever, but which doesn't support a helpful alpha male frame. In general, just be ensitive to the feeling that “there's something wrong” with a response. Then ask youself what's wrong. And then either fix it or abandon it for a better response.
6. Don't worry. This can be difficult at first, but it gets very easy as you get more practice and more patterns in your mind. Eventually, you'll even find you start inventing more good responses on the fly. And here are some more examples. Just now I randomly generated three situations and frames, and spent about 5 minutes coming up with responses. Unlike the examples given earlier, they're not field tested. But I'm including them because I wanted to show you the kinds of responses you can come up with after just a few minutes brainstorming:
Situation: She takes a sip of her drink Frame: She's trying to impress you Key Question: When she takes a sip of her drink, how can I respond in a way that supports the idea that she's trying to impress me? Response: I noticed you're sipping your drink. That's a good idea. It keeps your mouth from getting dry. It's like public speaking. The more important it is to impress the audience, the more you have to make sure you wet your whistle every once in a while. And I'm a tough audience. [speak slowly, and *smile* at the end] example 1 That still feels a little rough to me, but I think with the right delivery it could work pretty well. To play it safe I might try it first on women I already know. Here's another: Situation: She has more than 10 items in the express checkout line Frame: She's a naughty girl Key Question: When she has more than 10 items in the express lane, how can I respond in a way that supports the idea that she's a naughty girl. 16
Response: Just give her a hard time about it. Say, "You're breaking the rules [shake your head with a stern disapproving Daddy look]". example 2 That one was easy, becaue I've actually done this already, and it works like a charm. Here's a final example:
Situation: She's sarcastic. Frame: You're fun to hang out with. Key Question: When she's sarcastic, how can I respond in a way that supports the idea that I'm fun to hang out with? Response: "Wow, you're so sarcastic. We're both sarcastic. We should go on a road trip in a VW bus, and get one of those LED signs that you can put in the back window, and put a keyboard in the passenger seat, and type sarcastic messages to other drivers when they do dumb stuff. [riff on this further].} example 3 I haven't used this, but I've used stuff like it. I have no doubt this response would work like a charm. I think Swinggcat has delivered responses like this. I had him in mind as I worked this out. So I modeled my response on his bantering style, even though I couldn't remember any specific piece of banter that he uses like this. And that illustrates one of my points. The more patterns you get in your head, the easier it gets to create new material.
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E. How you will build your repertoire over time So you know how to create an individual piece of banter. But how do you become the guy who "always" has the right thing to say for any situation? Well, first, let's dispell the myth. No one "always" has the perfect line for every situation. But you want to be able to have 2-3 great responses for the first 5-10 minutes of any normal interaction. That would be good enough. So how do you get to that point? Well, it's pretty simple, really. You just keep building your banter library. Keep reviewing it, and keep trying to notice situations that trigger a good response. When you first start out and you only have a couple of lines, and you're not great at thinking on your feet, it can seem to take forever. You go around trying to make every situation fit your one or two triggers, and it never seems to work. Those situations never seem to come up. Or, sometimes a situation arises and you miss it. Or, it arises, and you deliver your line, and you realize half way through that that line doesn't really work that well. If you find yourself in this situation, take heart. It will get much better very quickly. I promise. Once you have 10-20 responses available, you should have opportunities daily to use some of them (provided you get out of the house some). And once you have 30 or so, that's when it all kicks in. You'll have situations arise all the time that you can use, plus, once you get some practice, you'll start generating more banter off the top of your head. So, basically, here are the things that will help you build your banter repertoire and fatten up that banter journal:
1. Collect All The Trigger Banter You Can From The Masters. Make sure you're keeping up on the dating and attraction material being published. They'll give you many good lines. Record these in your journal and review them frequently.
2. Brainstorm With Hypothetical Situations. Sit in your study and prepare banter for the most common situations. You can do this systematically or randomly. To systematically generate banter, you can have a list of all the situations you might encounter (start with the list in this guide), and all the frames you can support (use the frames in this guide to start -- they're really all you need). Take those lists and combine them one pair at a time. 18
If there are 30 situations and 10 frames, you will have 300 potential situation-frame pairs. And you can have many good responses to each situation-frame pair. So there are thousands of good banter lines out there for you to discover. That's a lot of work, though. I haven't done anything nearly that systematic myself. I'm fairly confident that if anyone did systematically generate good banter for every combination, they would have this stuff down pat. They would just need a little practice using it on live women to calibrate some, and practice the proper attitude, and they'd be instantly among the best banterers in the world. (Though keep in mind that there are other areas of the game that need to be mastered). A less daunting appraoach -- and more fun in my view -- is to randomly pair situations and frames, and just do a few a day. You can do this with flashcards. Just take 3x5 cards. Cut them in half if you want. Write all the situations on one stack. And write all the frames on the cards in the other stack. One item per card. Then shuffle both stacks, and then draw one card from each pile and combine them. Or . . . Alpha Male Planner offers a free trigger banter tool that will randomly pair situations and frames for you. It's free. You don't even have to be a member. Here's the link: http://www.alphamaleplanner.com/trigger_banter_free.php This is basically the same tool you will have access to inside the site if you join. The only difference is that with a membership you can automatically add your responses to your routine database and start using them in routine stacks. Sometimes you will come up with good responses, and sometimes a given situation/frame pair will be difficult. Stick with it for a few minutes, but don't beat your head against a wall. If a situation/frame pair proves too difficult, just move on to another. Not every situation/frame pair is a natural pairing. But it's a good exercise in frame control if you give the tough ones an honest try.
3. When You're Stuck. When you run into situations in the real world, where you don't have a reply, take note. And, when you get back to your study, come up with something for next time. You can even make a habit of sitting down at night and asking: "What situations did I face today that could be triggers for some banter?" This is a great, organic way to make your situation list and your banter journal grow.
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4. When You're Brilliant. Sometimes you'll be out, and a situation arises, and you actually generate a good piece of banter on the fly. Good for you. Now don't let that line get away. When you get back to your journal, make sure you record it. You might even take a couple minutes and see if there are ways to make it a little better before recording it. This will happen more and more as you go. It's the same way you learn music. At first you learn one song at a time by rote. Then you start to learn themes. And eventually you can improvise like a master. When you come up with something on the fly, record it, and tweak it to make it even better.
5. When A Piece Of Banter Doesn't Work. Sometimes you will deliver a piece of banter, and it falls flat. When you get back to your journal, take that piece out, and think about it. You might need to modify it, or even eliminate it. So, that's how to build your repertoire. It's a roadmap to mastery. Keep at it. I just want to mention some resources before I let you go.
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F. From Passive To Active -- "Setting Up" Your Trigger Banter OK, now the stuff I've shared with you up to this point is enough to make you one of the top banterers in the world. But what I'm about to share with you now is going to give you an extremely unfair advantage. If you add just one more step to your brainstorming process, you will dramatically up the odds that you'll be able to use whichever banter you want in almost any situation. Once you develop your banter, you need to ask this one further question: How can I engineer the situation so the trigger happens? Now you won't always be able to do this, but often you can bring the trigger about without waiting for it. For instance, take this frame/situation pair: Situation: She bends down in front of you. Frame: You're a high status male. And suppose your brainstormed response is: Response: "Hey, I don't actually require people to bow down before me any more." Well, that's good. Now you just have to wait for someone to bend down before you. Trust me. It does happen more than you might thing. Really. But it will still happen in less than half the encounters you have. So, ask the next question. How can we engineer the situation so the trigger happens? How can we arrange things so that she bends down in front of you? Any ideas? Here's one. When she's not looking, take her pen or something of hers and put it on the ground. Now you can wait for her to notice (you can't point it out, or the line won't work), and bend down to pick it up. Then you can deliver your banter. So it's a two-step process. First, you make the trigger happen. Then you deliver the line. And that way you don't have to leave things to chance. Imagine if you had 20 two-step trigger banter lines at your disposal . . .
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G. Where to go from here There are three resources I want to point you to. One is Swinggcat's Real World Seduction Products. Swinggcat gives lots of good banter lines. He understands frames about as well as anyone. http://www.realworldseduction.com Another resource is a CD made by Lance Mason of Pickup 101. It's the only other resource specifically about banter that I know about. http://www.pickup101.com The final resource is Alpha Male Planner. It's a membership site that give men a system for training themselves to be better with women. And it has many trigger banter lines in the database that you can use. Here's the link. http://www.alphamaleplanner.com/info.php Enjoy! And if you found this guide useful, please send a note to admin@alphamaleplanner and give us a testimonial that we can post on the site. Thanks Bro! :-D Answer to Quick Quiz: She told you she went to Harvard because she wanted to impress you so you'd want to spend more time with her.
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