FADE FA DE IN IN: : BLACK BLA CK SCR SCREEN EEN SUPE SU PER: R: SA SATU TURD RDAY AY 4: 4:20 20 P. P.M. M. INT. IN T. PA PADD DDYS YS PU PUB B - AF AFTE TERN RNOO OON N The ba The bar r is ha hazy zy FR FRAN ANK K an and d CH CHAR ARLI LIE E ar are e si sitt ttin ing g in th the e co corn rner er shar sh arin ing g a jo join int. t. CHARLIE Man, Ma n, th this is is so some me gr grea eat t Ir Iraq aqi i Bu Bush sh. . Qualit Qua lity y shi shit. t. FRANK Damm Da mmit it Ch Char arli lie, e, I to told ld yo you u te ten n times tim es alr alread eady, y, it’ it’s s Afg Afghan hani i Ku--(coughi Ku--(coughing) ng) Kush. CHARLIE Hehe He he oh oh, , ri righ ght. t. Bu But t ye yeah ah ma man, n, gr grea eat t Iraqi Ira qi bus bush. h. DENN DE NNIS IS an and d DE DEE E en ente ter. r. DEE Oh, come Oh, come on on! ! DENNIS That Th at’s ’s al all l yo you u tw two o bu bums ms ha have ve be been en doin do ing g la late tely ly, , do don’ n’t t yo you u ha have ve anyt an ythi hing ng be bett tter er to do do? ? DEE IT SME MELL LLS S LIK IKE E CA CAT T PI PISS SS IN HE HERE RE FRANK It’s It ’s le lega gal l no now w - why no not? t? CHARLIE You gu You guys ys ar are e re real ally ly ha hars rshi hing ng me an and d Fran Fr ank’ k’s s me mell llow ow. . Yo You u ne need ed so some me of this thi s bus bush. h. FRANK Yes Ye s ha haha haha ha yo you u tw two o ne need ed to ch chil ill l come co me ov over er he here re. . DENNIS DENN IS an and d DE DEE E lo look ok at ea each ch ot othe her. r. Th They ey sh shru rug g at ea each ch ot othe her r and an d he head ad ov over er to FR FRAN ANK K an and d CH CHAR ARLI LIE E as CH CHAR ARLI LIE E pa pass sses es th the e join jo int t to DE DENN NNIS IS. . DE DENN NNIS IS hi hits ts it it, , ho hold lds s it in an and d pa pass sses es to DEE.
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DENNIS Hey, th Hey, this is is isn’ n’t t ha half lf bad. bad. DENNIS DENN IS ex exha hale les s wh whil ile e DE DEE E ta take kes s th the e sm smal alle lest st hi hit t an and d st star arts ts uncontrolla uncontrollably bly coughing. coughing. CHARLIE Oh COM OME E ON DE DEE! E! FRANK You’ Yo u’re re wa wast stin ing g it it! ! You You du dumb mb bi bird rd! ! DENNIS You st You stup upid id bi bitc tch. h. DENNIS DENN IS, , FR FRAN ANK, K, an and d CH CHAR ARLI LIE E al all l st star art t la laug ughi hing ng an and d ye yell llin ing g at DEE CHARLIE DEE YOU DEE YOU ST STUP UPID ID BI BIRD RD! ! FRANK BIG BI G DU DUMB MB ST STUP UPID ID FAT FAT BIRD BIRD! ! DENNIS DEE..... DEE..... BIRD! The gu The guys ys st star art t la laug ughi hing ng so ha hard rd th they ey st star art t cr cryi ying ng an and d cont co ntin inui uing ng to pa pass ss an and d sm smok oke e th the e jo join int t wh whil ile e pu purp rpos osel ely y excl ex clud udin ing g DE DEE. E. DE DEE, E, lo look okin ing g fu furi riou ous, s, st stan ands ds up up. . DEE You gu You guys ys ar are e as assh shol oles es! ! Ha Have ve fu fun n with wi th yo your ur REE EEFE FER R I’m go goin ing g to go do some so meth thin ing g wi with th my li life fe! ! DEE DE E st sto orm rms s ou out t of th the e ba bar. r. DENNIS You Yo u gu guys ys, , he here re me ou out, t, no nobo body dy’s ’s drin dr inki king ng be beer er an anym ymor ore, e, we ha have ven’ n’t t had ha d a cu cust stom omer er si sinc nce e Ma Mari riju juan ana a wa was s decrim dec rimina inaliz lized ed so how abo about ut ins instea tead d of se sell llin ing g al alco coho hol l we se sell llCHARLIE Cheese! FRANK I co coul uld d go fo for r so some me ch chee eese se ri righ ght t now. MAC MA C an and d DE DEE E en ente ter. r.
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MAC What Wh at’s ’s up si sinn nner ers? s? HE HEar ard d yo you u gu guys ys were we re sm smok okin ing g th the e De Devi vil’ l’s s Le Lett ttuc uce! e! I advi ad vise se yo you u to st stop op! ! MAC do MAC does es ka kara rate te mo move ves s to towa ward rds s th the e gu guys ys ma maki king ng WH WHOO OOSH SHIN ING G nois no ises es wi with th ea each ch mo move ve. . CHARLIE Real Re ally ly De Dee? e? Yo You u to told ld on us us? ? DEE You Yo u gu guys ys we were re bein being g dick dicks! s! FRANK Nobo No body dy li like ke a na narc rc, , Dee. Dee. CHARLIE NARC! MAC I kn know ow we weed ed is le leg gal no now, w, bu but t th tha at does do esn’ n’t t me mean an it it’s ’s go good od fo for r yo you. u. Weed We ed is st stu upi pid d an and d it ma mak kes yo you u dumb du mb! ! If yo you u wa want nt my ad advi vice ce--DENNIS We do don’ n’t t MA MAC. C. Bu But t pl plea ease se, , give give it to us an anyw yway ay Je Jesu sus. s. FRANK When di When did d Je Jesu sus s co come me back back? ? MAC Mari Ma riju juan ana a co coul uld d ne neve ver r be us used ed medici med icinal nally ly bec becaus ause e lik like e all medi me dici cine ne pe peop ople le ar are e go goin ing g to ab abus use e it but wi with th th the e po powe wer r of th the e lo lord rd--CHARLIE Mac, Ma c, li list sten en, , we weed ed is GREA GREAT T an and d we’ve we’ ve bee been n ove over r her here e bra brains instor tormin ming. g. FRAN FR ANK K sh shoo oots ts up an and d th thro rows ws hi his s ha hand nds s in th the e ai air. r. FRANK WE’R WE ’RE E GO GOIN ING G TO SE SELL LL CHEE CHEESE SE! ! DENN DE NNIS IS st stan ands ds up wi with th CH CHAR ARLI LIE. E. DENNIS No, No , yo you u im imbe beci cile les, s, we weed ed! ! WE WEED ED! ! We sell.... sell.... weed. (CONTINUED)
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DENNIS DENN IS, , FR FRAN ANK, K, an and d CH CHAR ARLI LIE E lo look ok at ea each ch ot othe her. r. EC ECU U of ho how w red re d an and d sq squi uint nted ed th thei eir r ey eyes es ar are e as they they al all l gr grin in sl slow owly ly. . CUT CU T TO TO: : MAIN MAI N TIT TITLES LES SUPE SU PER: R: "T "THE HE GA GANG NG GE GETS TS ME MEDI DICA CATE TED" D" SUPE SU PER: R: "I "IT’ T’S S AL ALWA WAYS YS SU SUNN NNY Y IN PH PHIL ILED EDEL ELPH PHIA IA ACT AC T ON ONE E INT. IN T. PA PADD DDYS YS PU PUB B ba base seme ment nt - We Week eks s la late ter r DENNIS DENN IS is st stan andi ding ng wi with th hi his s ar arms ms fo fold lded ed, , lo look okin ing g acco ac comp mpli lish shed ed. . CH CHAR ARLI LIE E is pa pain inti ting ng a si sign gn on th the e gr grow own. n. A wide wi de sh shot ot sh show ows s th the e ba base seme ment nt is fu full ll of ma mari riju juan ana a pl plan ants ts an and d proper pro per lig lighti hting ng nee needed ded to mai mainta ntain in cul cultiv tivati ation. on. DENNIS CHAR CH ARLI LIE E I’ I’v ve do done ne it it. . We wi will ll be up and an d ru runn nnin ing g so soon on and in no ti time me we will wi ll be ro roll llin ing g in wo wome men n an and d co cold ld hard har d cas cash. h. CHARLIE How Ho w do yo you u ex expe pect ct th thes ese e gi girl rls s to thro th row w th them emse selv lves es at yo you u ma man? n? DENNIS Ah, Ah , yo you u se see e I’ I’ve ve bee een n wo wor rki king ng on a spec sp ecia ial l st stra rain in, , a st stra rain in so powe po werf rful ul, , a st stra rain in so pu pure re, , so beautiful-DENN DE NNIS IS wa walk lks s up to a pl plan ant t an and d be begi gins ns st stro roki king ng a le leaf af. . DENNIS A st stra rain in in infu fuse sed d gr grow own n sp spec ecia iall lly y that th at, , wh when en sm smok oked ed, , wo wome men n wi will ll fi find nd me ir irre resi sist stib ible le, , ha havi ving ng no ch choi oice ce but bu t to th thro row w th them emse selv lves es at th the e ma man n that th at ga gave ve th them em th that at fr free ee sa samp mple le. . DENNIS DENN IS gr grin ins s ma mani niac acal ally ly ki kiss ssin ing g a le leaf af. . CH CHAR ARLI LIE E st star ares es at him flabbergas flabbergasted. ted. CHARLIE DENN DE NNIS IS.. ... . yo you u ar are e a ge geni nius us! !
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DENNIS Yes, Ye s, ho how’ w’s s th the e si sign gn comi coming ng? ? CHARLIE Well We ll I th thin ink k it lo look oks s pret pretty ty da damn mn good! CHARLI CHAR LIE E ho hold lds s up a si sign gn wi with th sc scri ribb bble les s an and d il ille legi gibl ble e wr writ itin ing g and an d a cr crud ude e dr draw awin ing g of so some me ch chee eese se. . DENNIS Yeah, Yeah , th that at’s ’s no not t go goin ing g to wo work rk I prob pr obab ably ly sh shou ould ld ha have ve gi give ven n yo you u a different different job. DENNIS DENN IS wa walk lks s ove ver r to th the e co cor rne ner r an and d pi pick cks s up a mo mop p an and d bucket. CHARLIE I sh shou ould ld go cl clea ean n the the bath bathro room oms. s. DENNIS Yeah Ye ah, , cl clea ean n th the e ba bath thro room oms s budd buddy. y. CHARLI CHAR LIE E gr grab abs s th the e mo mop p an and d bu buck ck fr from om DE DENN NNIS IS an and d wa walk lks s up th the e stai st airs rs a la Ch Char arli lie e Br Brow own n wi with th hi his s he head ad do down wn. . DE DENN NNIS IS pa pats ts him hi m on th the e ba back ck as FR FRAN ANK K en ente ters rs. . FRANK Alrigh Alri ght t so I’ I’m m pa payi ying ng fo for r al all l of this th is sh shit it, , wh when en do we st star art t ge gett ttin ing g some som e poo poon? n? DENNIS Ah, now Ah, now we we’r ’re e ta talk lkin ing. g. DENNIS DENN IS pu puts ts hi his s ar arm m ar arou ound nd FR FRAN ANK K an and d in inau audi dibl bly y ta talk lks s ab abou out t the pla plant. nt. CUT CU T TO TO: : EXT. EX T. DE DEE’ E’S S CA CAR R - AF AFTE TERN RNOO OON N DEE an DEE and d MA MAC C ar are e in DE DEE’ E’s s ca car r an and d dr driv ivin ing g ar arou ound nd pa pass ssin ing g an and d taki ta king ng tu turn rns s hi hitt ttin ing g a bo bowl wl of ma mari riju juan ana. a. DEE Those Thos e guys guys we were re ri righ ght, t, th this is st stuf uff f isn’t isn ’t bad bad. . MAC Yeah Ye ah, , I’ I’m m ab abso solu lute tely ly lo lovi ving ng it it. . I feel fe el so re rela laxe xed. d.
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DEE I’m I’ m fe feel elin ing g lo loos ose, e, I’ I’m m fe feel elin ing g weird. MAC I th thin ink k we co coul uld d do be bett tte er th than an them th em, , DE DEE, E, we sh shou ould ld st star art t ou our r ow own n business. DEE MAC MA C th that at’s ’s ex exac actl tly y wh what at I wa was s thin th inki king ng, , we do don’ n’t t ne need ed ne need ed th thos ose e dickbags! MAC But Bu t if th they ey’r ’re e us usin ing g th the e bar bar ho how w are ar e we go goin ing g to se sell ll? ? DEE That Th at’s ’s th the e th thin ing. g. We do it on th the e stre st reet ets! s! We co coul uld d be like like a we weed ed delivery delivery service! service! MAC We co coul uld d ju just st st stan and d ou outs tsid ide, e, li like ke in an al alle ley y or so some meth thin ing, g, an and d spre sp read ad th the e wo word rd, , le let t pe peop ople le kn know ow! ! DEE But Bu t wh wher ere e do we ge get t th the e wee eed? d? DEE & MAC CRICKET. A sh shot ot fr from om ou outs tsid ide e the ca car r sh show ows s DE DEE E an and d MAC ar are e at a st stop op sign. MAC This li This ligh ght’ t’s s be been en re red d a re real ally ly lo long ng time. CUT CU T TO TO: : EXT. EX T. BA BACK CK AL ALLE LEY Y - AF AFTE TERN RNOO OON N MAC an MAC and d DE DEE E ar are e wa walk lki ing in a ba back ck al alle ley. y. CR CRIC ICKE KET T is se seen en slee sl eepi ping ng un unde der r a ga garb rbag age e ba bag. g. DEE Hey He y id idio iot, t, wa wake ke up up. . DEE ki DEE kick cks s CR CRIC ICKE KET. T. CR CRIC ICKE KET T jolt jolts s aw awak ake. e. CR CRIC ICKE KET T lo look oks s up an and d DEE DE E an and d MA MAC C se see e th that at he is bal ald. d.
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CRICKET Not No t yo you u guy guys, wh what at do yo you u wa want nt. . MAC ju MAC jum mps an and d do does es a sw swif ift t kar arat ate e ki kick ck in the ai air r acco ac comp mpan anie ied d by a WH WHOO OOSH SHIN ING G so soun und d ef effe fect ct. . MAC We ne need ed dr drug ugs s CRIC CRICKE KET! T! CRICKET If I gu guys ys get yo you u dr drug ugs, s, wi will ll yo you u leav le ave e me al alon one? e? DEE You have a deal. We need a pound of marijuana. CRICKET Whoah, Whoa h, wh what at ar are e yo you u pl plan anni ning ng on doin do ing g wi with th th that at? ? MAC We’r We ’re e go goin ing g to sell sell it it. . DEE On the the st stre reet ets! s! CRICKET You Yo u gu guys ys kn know ow th that at’s ’s ille illega gal l righ right? t? MAC No it’ t’s s no not t yo you u id idio iot, t, we weed ed is lega le gal l no now w so we ca can n do wh what atev ever er we want wa nt wi with th it it! ! CRICKET Pretty Pret ty su sure re th that at’s ’s no not t ho how w it worksDEE What Wh at wo woul uld d yo you u kn know ow? ? Yo You’ u’re re homeless. MAC Yeah, Yea h, stu stupid pid hom homele eless ss idiot! idiot! DEE So can you get us the drugs or not? CRICKET I guess so as long as you guys prom pr omis ise e to le leav ave e me al alon one, e, yo you’ u’ve ve lite li tera rall lly y ru ruin ined ed my li life fe! !
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MAC What is he ta What talk lkin ing g abou about? t? DEE Beat Be ats s me me. . CRICKET I WAS A PRIEST WHEN I MET YOU GUYS! A ma man n of th the e lo lord rd, , an and d la last st ye year ar you yo u gu guys ys lo lock cked ed me in yo you ur apar ap artm tmen ent t th that at wa was s ON FI FIRE RE. . MAC Oooo Oo oooh oh ye yeah ah.. ... . sorr sorry y ab abou out t th that at. . DEE CRIC CR ICKE KET T yo you u ha have ve our our wo word rd, , ge get t us the th e dr drug ugs s and we wil ill l le lea ave yo you u alone forever. forever. CRICKET Alri Al righ ght t me meet et me ba back ck he here re, , to toni nigh ght t at 11 11:0 :00 0 P. P.M. M. DEE and MAC head back to her car and get in it. CUT CU T TO TO: : EXT. EX T. DE DEE’ E’S S CA CAR R - NI NIGH GHT T TI TIME ME CRICKE CRIC KET T ho hops ps in into to th the e ba back ck se seat at an and d th thro rows ws a bi big g pa pape per r ba bag g onto on to MA MAC’ C’S S la lap. p. CRICKET Alri Al righ ght t it it’s ’s al all l th ther ere. e. Yo You u gu guys ys need ne ed to co com me up wi with th $1 $1,6 ,600 00 by tomo to morr rrow ow ni nigh ght. t. I ha had d no noth thin ing g to give gi ve my gu guy y in co col lla late tera ral l an and d I don’ do n’t t kn know ow wh what at’s ’s go goin ing g to ha happ ppen en if he do does esn’ n’t t ge get t pa paid id. . MAC No wo worr rrie ies s CR CRIC ICKS KS, , we go got t th this is! ! CRICKET This is so This som me go good od st stuf uff, f, my gu guy y said sa id it it’s ’s ca call lled ed an ange gel l du dust st. . DEE Yeah Ye ah, , ye yeah ah, , wh what atev ever er. . CR CRIC ICKE KET T yo you u smel sm ell l li like ke sh shit it. . Get ou out t of my ca car. r.
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CRICKET Do yo you u gu guys ys ha have ve an anyt ythi hing ng to ea eat? t? I’m sta starvi rving. ng. MAC GET GE T OU OUT! T! CRIC CR ICKE KET T ge gets ts ou out t of th the e ca car. r. DEE So we sh shou ould ld st star art t se sell llin ing g th this is as soon so on as po poss ssib ible le. . MAC Yeah.. Yeah ... . I th thin ink k th they ey’r ’re e go goin ing g to kill ki ll hi him m if we do don n’t ge get t th the e mo mone ney. y. DEE Yeah, Yea h, the they’r y’re e mos most t def defini initel tely y goi going ng to ki kill ll hi him. m. MAC Don’ Do n’t t yo you u th thin ink k we sh shou ould ld at le leas ast t test te st th this is ou out t fi firs rst? t? Yo You u kn know ow ju just st so we kn know ow wh what at we we’r ’re e se sell llin ing? g? DEE Pit stop Pit stop at Pa Padd ddy’ y’s? s? MAC Pit stop Pit stop at Pa Padd ddy’ y’s! s! MAC MA C ki kiss sses es th the e br brow own n ba bag g an and d DE DEE E dr driv ives es of off. f. ENF OF ACT ONE CUT CU T TO TO: : INT. IN T. PA PADD DDYS YS PU PUB B - EV EVEN ENIN ING G ACT AC T TW TWO O DENNIS DENN IS, , CH CHAR ARLI LIE, E, an and d FR FRAN ANK K ar are e st stoc ocki king ng th the e sh shel elve ves s an and d sort so rtin ing g bu buds ds of ma mari riju juan ana a in into to se sepa para rate te ja jars rs. . DENNIS Tomo To morr rrow ow’s ’s th the e bi big g da day y fe fell llas as! ! FRANK The wom women! en!
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DENNIS The Th e we weed ed! ! CHARLIE The che cheese ese! ! FRANK We got got ch chee eese se?! ?! CHARLIE Yeah Ye ah, , we sh shou ould ld ge gettDENNIS Will Wi ll yo you u tw two o sh shut ut up ab abou out t ch chee eese se alre al read ady? y? I ne need ed yo you u tw two o fo focu cuse sed! d! CHARLIE I’ll ju I’ll just st ea eat t so some me of th the e ch chee eese se for fo r th the e ra rat t tr trap aps! s! DENNIS NO! NO ! Fo For r go god’ d’s s sa sake ke. . TH THER ERE E WI WILL LL BE NO CH CHEE EESE SE. . We ar are e pr prof ofes essi sion onal al busi bu sine ness ssme men n no now w an and d we ne need ed to ac act t like li ke it it. . CH CHAR ARLI LIE E go ha hang ng th this is si sign gn outs ou tsid ide, e, no th than anks ks to yo you. u. CHARLI CHAR LIE E ta take kes s th the e si sign gn th that at re read ads s "D "DIS ISPE PENS NSAR ARY" Y" an and d op open ens s th the e door do or. . MA MAC C an and d DE DEE E en ente ter. r. DEE What’s up dic What’s dickba kbags? gs? MAC DEE DE E an and d I ar are e chan changi ging ng the the game game! ! DENNIS What ar What are e yo you u ta talk lkin ing g abou about? t? DEE You Yo u gu guys ys th thin ink k yo you’ u’re re so co cool ol open op enin ing g up a di disp spen ensa sary ry bu but t we we’r ’re e goin go ing g to se sell ll on th the e st stre reet ets s an and d make ma ke a lo lot t mo more re mo mone ney y th tha an yo you u du dumb mb asses. DENNIS Yeah Ye ah, , we well ll go good od lu luck ck wi with th th that at. . MAC We hav ave e to te test st th this is ou out t fi firs rst t though.
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FRANK Let’ Le t’s s ro roll ll up a fa fatt tty! y! DENNIS We’re We’ re bas basica ically lly rea ready dy for tom tomorr orrow ow so why no not! t! Shot of jo Shot join int t be bein ing g ro roll lled ed an and d li lit t up cl clos ose. e. Ca Came mera ra pa pans ns in circ ci rcul ular ar pa patt tter ern n to ea each ch ch char arac acte ter r a la TH THAT AT 70 70S S SH SHOW OW. . DENNIS This Th is st stuf uff, f, wh whoo oo, , it is GR GREA EAT! T! DENN DE NNIS IS cl clen ench ches es hi his s fi fist sts s an and d sc scre ream ams s ou out t of ex exci cite teme ment nt. . CHARLIE You Yo u gu guys ys, , I fo foun und d the the chee cheese se. . CHARLI CHAR LIE E is gn gnaw awin ing g on on one e of hi his s sh shoe oes, s, la laug ughi hing ng hysterically. DEE You Yo u gu guys ys, , I’m a bird bird. . DENNIS Yeah Ye ah De Dee, e, yo you’ u’re re a bi big, g, du dumb mb st stup upid id bird bi rd, , we ge get t it it. . DEE No, No , li like ke I’ I’m m ac actu tual ally ly a bird bird. . DEE st DEE sta and nds s up and and wa wal lks ov over er to a mi mirr rror or an and d st star are es in into to it it. . In th the e mi mirr rror or is a re refl flec ecti tion on of an os ostr tric ich. h. FRANK You Yo u gu guys ys, , I ca can n fe feel el my to toen enai ails ls grow gr owin ing. g. Th They ey wo won’ n’t t st stop op. . MAC Yeah th Yeah this is ange angel l du dust st is am amaz azin ing g we will wi ll ha have ve no prob proble lem m se sell llin ing g th this is DEE. DE E. DE DEE? E? DE DEE? E? DENN DE NNIS IS st stan ands ds up an and d gr grab abs s MA MAC. C. DENNIS Did yo Did you u sa say. y... .. an ange gel l dust dust? ? MAC Yeah Ye ah th that at’s ’s wh what at CR CRIC ICKE KET T told told me this th is st stra rain in wa was s ca call lled ed. . MAC MA C pu puts ts hi his s ha hand nd up to DE DENN NNIS IS’ ’ fa face ce ca care ress ssin ing g it it. .
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12.
DENNIS YOU YO U ID IDIO IOT T TH THAT AT’S ’S NOT NOT BU BUD D AN ANGE GEL L DU DUST ST IS PC PCP! P! MAC lean MAC leans s in to ki kiss ss DE DENN NNIS IS. . DE DENN NNIS IS st star arts ts sc scre ream amin ing g at th the e top to p of his his lu lun ngs gs. . Th Thi is se sets ts of off f a ch chai ain n re rea act ctio ion n as FR FRAN ANK K and an d CH CHAR ARLI LIE E jo join in in in. . CUT CU T TO TO: : INT. IN T. PA PADD DDY’ Y’S S PU PUB B - NE NEXT XT MO MORN RNIN ING G AN ou outs tsid ide e sh shot ot sh show ows s PA PADD DDY’ Y’S S si sign gn wi with th a cr crud udel ely y pa pain inte ted d "DIS "D ISPE PENS NSAR ARY" Y" si sign gn ha hang ngin ing g by on one e co corn rner er. . In Insi side de MA MAC C an and d CHAR CH ARLI LIE E ar are e sp spoo ooni ning ng on a bl blan anke ket t in th the e mi midd ddle le of th the e floo fl oor. r. DE DENN NNIS IS wa walk lks s ou out t of th the e of offi fice ce wi with th a bo bong ng co comp mple lete tely ly naked. DENNIS What Wh at. . Th The. e. He Hell ll. . Happ Happen ened ed. . Yo You u gu guys ys wake wa ke up up. . We op open en in one one hou our! r! MAC an MAC and d CH CHAR ARLI LIE E wa wake ke up up. . CH CHAR ARLI LIE E pu push shes es MA MAC C aw away ay an and d st stan ands ds up. up . MA MAC C gr groa oans ns an and d ge gets ts up and sc scan ans s th the e ro room om. . MAC Did Di d we we.. ... . smok smoke e PC PCP? P? DENNIS I do don’ n’t t wa wan nt to ta talk lk ab abou out t it it, , ge get t this th is cl clea eane ned d up we do don’ n’t t ha have ve mu much ch time. DENN DE NNIS IS ri rips ps th the e bo bong ng an and d pa pass sses es it to MA MAC. C. MAC Coul Co uld d yo you u pu put t some some clot clothe hes s on on? ? DENNIS Why Wh y MA MAC? C? Do Does es th the e ma male le bo body dy emba em barr rras ass s yo you? u? Do Does es my pe peak ak physic phy sical al con condit dition ion, , thi this.. s... . Bod Body y of a GO GOD D bo both ther er yo you? u? MAC It’s It ’s ac actu tual ally ly kind kind of tu turn rnin ing g me on. DENNIS What was What was th that at? ?
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13.
MAC Uhhh Uh hh.. ... . I me mean an, , I sa said id It It’s ’s di dirt rty y and wro wrong! ng! DENNIS Alrigh Alri ght t I’ I’m m go goin ing g to go was ash h up and thro th row w so some me cl clot othe hes s on on. . Wh Wher ere e th the e hell he ll ar are e DE DEE E an and d FR FRAN ANK? K? DENNIS DENN IS go goes es in into to th the e of offi fice ce. . MA MAC C pa pass sses es th the e bo bong ng to CH CHAR ARLI LIE E and an d st star arts ts fr fran anti tica call lly y se sear arch chin ing g th the e ba bar. r. MAC Wher Wh ere e is it ma man? n?! ! CHARLIE Wher Wh ere e is wh what at? ? MAC The Th e du dust st! ! The dr drug ugs! s! We hav ave e to sell se ll th them em to toda day! y! CHARLIE Oh, Oh , DE DEE E took took th them em. . MAC What? Wha t? Whe When? n? CHARLIE After Afte r we al all l sm smok oked ed PC PCP, P, DEE DEE to took ok the bag and ran off. And we ate so much mu ch ch chee eese se du dude de, , ha haha ha. . MAC You’ Yo u’re re te tell llin ing g me DE DEE E to took ok th the e drug dr ugs s an and d RA RAN N OF OFF F wi with th th them em? ? CHARLIE Yeah sh Yeah she e sa said id sh she e wa was s a bir ird d an and d ran ra n ou out t of he here re fl flap appi ping ng he her r ar arms ms. . Also Al so, , yo you u kep ept t as ask kin ing g me if I wo wou uld oil oi l yo you u do down wn? ? MAC That’s That ’s ir irre rele leva vant nt. . We ne need ed to fi find nd DEE DE E as so soon on as po poss ssib ible le. . CHAR CH ARLI LIE E an and d MA MAC C le leav ave. e. CUT CU T TO TO: :
14.
EXT. EX T. BA BACK CK AL ALLE LEY Y - MI MID D MO MORN RNIN ING G FRANK FRAN K an and d DE DEE E ar are e si sitt ttin ing g in th the e al alle ley y sm smok okin ing g th the e an ange gel l dust du st an and d sh shiv iver erin ing. g. CR CRIC ICKE KET T fr fran anti tica call lly y wa walk lks s up to th them em. . CRICKET Hey He y he hey y he hey y, so di did d you you guy uys s se sell ll it? DEE Sell wha Sell what? t? FRANK Get ou Get out t of he here re CRIC CRICKE KET! T! CRICKET The Th e dr drug ugs, s, di did d yo you u sell sell th the e dr drug ugs? s? DEE Yeah abo Yeah about ut tha that.. t... . FRANK We sm smok oked ed it al all! l! CRICKET You gu You guys ys ar are e jo joki king ng righ right? t? CRICKE CRIC KET T pi pick cks s up th the e ba bag g ne next xt to th them em an and d ri rifl fles es th thro roug ugh h it real re aliz izin ing g it is em empt pty. y. CRICKET I’M I’ M DE DEAD AD! ! I’M AS GOO OOD D AS DE DEAD AD AN AND D IT’S IT ’S AL ALL L YO YOUR UR FA FAUL ULT! T! FRANK Hey, He y, ch chil ill l ma man. n. DEE Yeah Ye ah, , ch chil ill, l, we ca can n fi fix x th this is. . FRANK Wait, Wai t, how how? ? CRICKET YEAH DE YEAH DEE E EX EXAC ACTL TLY Y HO HOW W AR ARE E YO YOU U GO GOIN ING G TO FI FIX X TH THIS IS. . DEE We jus ust t go ba back ck to th the e ba bar. r. Wh Wher ere e we hav ave e pl ple ent nty y of we weed ed! ! We ca can n se sell ll that!
(CONTINUED)
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15.
FRANK DEE yo DEE you’ u’re re so sm smar art. t. A va van n pul ulls ls up an and d tw two o gu guys ys in bl blac ack k ma mask sks s ju jump mp ou out t an and d atta at tack ck CR CRIC ICKE KET. T. Th They ey pu put t a ba bag g ov over er hi his s he head ad an and d th thro row w hi him m into in to th the e va van n and dr driv ive e of off. f. DE DEE E an and d FR FRAN ANK K loo ook k at ea each ch other. DEE Oh sh shit it. . FRANK Let’ Le t’s s ge get t ou out t of here here! ! FRANK FRAN K an and d DE DEE E ge get t up an and d st star art t ru runn nnin ing g in th the e op oppo posi site te direction. END OF ACT TWO CUT CU T TO TO: : INT. IN T. PA PADD DDYS YS PU PUB B - AF AFTE TERN RNOO OON N ACT AC T TH THRE REE E Outsid Outs ide e sh shot ot of Pa Padd ddy’ y’s s sh show ows s pe peop ople le li line ned d up ou outs tsid ide e th the e door do or. . In Insi side de DE DENN NNIS IS is al all l dr dres esse sed d up be behi hind nd th the e co coun unte ter r sell se llin ing g to cu cust stom omer ers. s. Th Ther ere e is an ex exce cept ptio iona nall lly y at attr trac acti tive ve lady la dy at th the e co coun unte ter. r. MA MAC C an and d CH CHAR ARLI LIE E en ente ter. r. DENNIS Ah gre reat at yo you u tw two o are he here re, , ca can n yo you u guys gu ys ta take ke ov over er. . I’ I’m m go goin ing g to ta take ke SAMA SA MANT NTHA HA he here re to th the e of offi fice ce to tr try y out ou t so some me of th the e pr prod oduc uct. t. GIRL It’s CHE It’s CHERYL RYL. . DENNIS Yeah Ye ah, , wh what atev ever er, , co come me with with me me. . DENN DE NNIS IS pu puts ts hi his s ar arm m ar arou ound nd he her r an and d wi wink nks s at th the e gu guys ys. . CHARLIE We can an’t ’t fi find nd DE DEE E or FR FRAN ANK K anywhere! MAC I’m I’ m re real ally ly st star arti ting ng to ge get t wo worr rrie ied, d, they th ey to took ok th the e PC PCP. P.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
16.
DENNIS Hahahahhaha Hahahahhaha (sarcastical (sarcastically) ly) You guys gu ys th thin ink k I ca care re? ? No Not t my pr prob oble lem! m! DENNIS DENN IS sl slam ams s th the e of offi fice ce do door or le leav avin ing g CH CHAR ARLI LIE E an and d MA MAC C to ta take ke over ov er. . MA MAC C st step eps s be behi hind nd th the e co coun unte ter r an and d co cont ntin inue ues s to se serv rve e people peo ple. . Pad Paddy’ dy’s s is not notice iceabl ably y ful full, l, alm almost ost cro crowde wded. d. CUT CU T TO TO: : EXT. EXT . BEH BEHIND IND PAD PADDY’ DY’S S FRAN FR ANK K an and d DE DEE E ar are e be behi hind nd Pa Padd ddy’ y’s s fi figu guri ring ng ou out t a ga game me pl plan an. . DEE How Ho w ar are e we go goin ing g to sn snea eak k in an and d stea st eal l th the e we weed ed? ? FRANK I’ve I’ ve go got t it it! ! I’ I’ll ll sn snea eak k in th thro roug ugh h the th e ve vent nts s an and d cl clim imb b in into to th the e base ba seme ment nt, , we ca can n sm smug uggl gle e it ou out t that th at wa way! y! DEE Alri Al righ ght t so soun unds ds go good od.. ... . yo you u kn know ow what wha t sou sounds nds bet better ter? ? FRANK More Mo re PC PCP? P? DEE Exactl Exac tly! y! I wa was s th thin inki king ng th the e sa same me thin th ing! g! I me mean an oo oooo ooh h I kn kno ow it it’s ’s bad. FRANK So ba bad. d. DEE But Bu t so go good od! ! Ok Okay ay so we smu mugg ggle le out the th e we weed ed, , se sell ll th that at, , an and d th then en bu buy y more mo re PC PCP? P? FRANK I me mean an CR CRIC ICKE KET’ T’S S prob probab ably ly de dead ad by now. DEE Yeah, Yea h, CRI CRICKE CKET’S T’S def defini initel tely y dea dead. d. Hurr Hu rry y FR FRAN ANK. K. I’ I’m m go goin ing g to go distra dis tract ct the guy guys. s.
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CONTINUED:
17.
FRANK FRAN K cl clim imbs bs in a ba back ck ve vent nt, , ba bare rely ly fi fitt ttin ing, g, an and d wi wigg ggle les s himsel him self f in. CUT CU T TO TO: : INT. IN T. MC MCPO POYL YLE’ E’S S HO HOUS USE E - AF AFTE TERN RNOO OON N CRICKE CRIC KET T is si sit tti ting ng ti tied ed to a ch chai air r wit ith h a bag on his fa face ce. . Two Tw o ma mask sked ed me men n ar are e st stan andi ding ng ac acro ross ss fr from om CR CRIC ICKE KET T an and d ta take ke hi his s bag ba g of off. f. MASK MA SKED ED MA MAN N #1 It is ou our r un unde ders rsta tand ndin ing g th that at yo you u owe ow e ou our r bo boss ss so some me mo mone ney. y. MASKED MASK ED MA MAN N #2 And unf unfort ortuna unatel tely y tho those se idi idiots ots you gave ga ve th the e dr drug ugs s to to se sell ll, , sc scre rewe wed d you yo u ov over er. . MASK MA SKED ED MA MAN N #1 Those Thos e sa same me pe peop ople le ha have ve sc scre rewe wed d us over. MASKED MASK ED MA MAN N #2 Many Man y tim times es bef before ore. . MASKED MASK ED MA MAN N #1 That Th at’s ’s wh wher ere e yo you u ca can n he help lp us us. . CRICKET What Wh at’s ’s go goin ing g on on? ? ar are e yo you u gu guys ys go goin ing g to kil ill l me me? ? MASK MA SKED ED MA MAN N #1 SHUT SH UT UP UP! ! MASKED MASK ED MA MAN N #1 sl slap aps s CR CRIC ICKE KET T ac acro ross ss th the e fa face ce and and ta take kes s of off f his hi s ma mask sk al alon ong g wi with th MA MASK SKED ED MA MAN N #2 re reve veal alin ing g to cric cricke ket t th that at they th ey ar are e RY RYAN AN an and d LI LIAM AM MC MCPO POYL YLE. E. CRICKET What do you guys want me to do? I’ll I’ ll do an anyt ythi hing ng. . LIAM Well We ll we ar are en’ n’t t go goi ing to kil ill l yo you u if you yo u do ju just st on one e th thin ing g fo for r us us. . RYAN pu RYAN pull lls s ou out t a pa pack ck of ma matc tche hes s fr from om hi his s po pock cket et. . Cl Clos ose e up of RY RYAN AN an and d LI LIAM AM lo look ok at ea eac ch ot othe her r an and d sm smi ile th then en lo look ok at CRIC CR ICKE KET. T. MA MARG RGAR ARET ET MC MCPO POYL YLE E co come mes s ou out t of th the e sh shad adow ows s an and d star st ares es at CR CRIC ICKE KET T an and d li lick cks s he her r li lips ps. .
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CONTINUED:
18.
RYAN So, So , wh what at do yo you u sa say, y, CR CRIC ICKE KET, T, woul would d you yo u li like ke a go at MAR ARGA GARE RET T? LIAM MMMMMM MMMM MM ye yes? s? Ha Haha haha hah h ta take ke it allllll! CRICKET What Wh at? ? No No! ! Yo You u gu guys ys are are twis twiste ted! d! LIAM Fine Fi ne. . Be th that at wa way. y. RYAN More for More for us us! ! The MC The MCPO POYL YLES ES st star art t to touc uchi hing ng ea each ch ot othe her r an and d ki kiss ssin ing g ea each ch othe ot her r on th the e ne neck ck. . CR CRIC ICKE KET T st star arts ts ga gagg ggin ing g an and d gr grab abs s th the e pa pack ck of ma matc tche hes s an and d ru runs ns ou out. t. CUT CU T TO TO: : INT. IN T. PA PADD DDYS YS PU PUB B OF OFFI FICE CE - AF AFTE TERN RNOO OON N DENN DE NNIS IS is si sitt ttin ing g in hi his s ch chai air r lo look okin ing g ac acro ross ss at CH CHER ERYL YL. . He is ro roll llin ing g a joi oint nt an and d li lick cks s it an and d th then en se seal als s it an and d ha han nds it to CH CHER ERYL YL. . DENNIS Here He re yo you u go go. . Yo You u kno now w I can an’t ’t hel help but bu t no noti tice ce yo your ur bu bust st. . Is th that at a 32? CHERYL Um, ex Um, excu cuse se me me? ? DENNIS Why do Why don’ n’t t we ju just st smok smoke. e. DENNIS DENN IS li ligh ghts ts th the e jo join int t fo for r CH CHER ERYL YL as sh she e lo look oks s ex extr trem emel ely y weir we irde ded d ou out. t. Th The e ca came mera ra pa pans ns up upwa ward rd an and d we se see e FR FRAN ANK, K, craw cr awli ling ng th thro roug ugh h th the e ve vent nt ab abov ove e th them em. . FR FRAN ANK K is ve very ry sw swea eaty ty. . FRANK Shit, Shit , I th thi ink I made made a wr wron ong g tu turn rn. . I ca can n ju just st wo work rk my way way ba back ckFRANK FRAN K tr trie ies s to wi wigg ggle le ba back ckwa ward rds s bu but t th the e ve vent nt br brea eaks ks an and d come co mes s cr cras ashi hing ng do down wn wi with th FR FRAN ANK K in insi side de. . Th The e ve vent nt/F /FRA RANK NK hi hits ts CHER CH ERYL YL in th the e he head ad, , kn knoc ocki king ng he her r im imme medi diat atel ely y un unco cons nsci ciou ous. s. FRAN FR ANK K ge gets ts up an and d po poin ints ts at CH CHER ERYL YL. .
(CONTINUED)
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19. FRANK
OH SH SHIT IT! ! DENNIS FRAN FR ANK K WH WHAT AT TH THE E HE HELL LL WE WERE RE YO YOU U DO DOIN ING G UP TH THER ERE? E? FRANK Excu Ex cuse se me one one mo mome ment nt! ! FRAN FR ANK K ru runs ns ou out t of th the e of offi fice ce. . DE DENN NNIS IS kn knee eels ls ov over er to CH CHER ERYL YL to fe feel el he her r pu puls lse. e. CUT CU T TO TO: : INT. IN T. PA PADD DDYS YS PU PUB B - AF AFTE TERN RNOO OON N MAC an MAC and d CH CHAR ARLI LIE E ar are e wo work rkin ing g li like ke cr craz azy y gr grab abbi bing ng mo mone ney y an and d hand ha ndin ing g ou out t ba bags gs of ma mari riju juan ana a fr fran anti tica call lly. y. DE DEE E wa walk lks s in an and d approaches approaches them. DEE Hey He y gu guys ys. . CHARLIE DEE I’m not in the mood for it! MAC Leav Le ave e us al alon one e DEE DEE we’r we’re e pr pret etty ty busy! DEE I ju just st wa want nted ed to he help lp! ! MAC You kn You know ow ho how w yo you u cou ould ld he help lp? ? By gett ge ttin ing g lo lost st yo you u st stup upid id bi bitc tch! h! I know kn ow yo you u to took ok th the e dr drug ugs! s! Wh Wher ere e ar are e they th ey DE DEE? E? CHARLIE Yeah Yea h stu stupid pid bit bitch! ch! DEE Whatev What ever er, , I’m I’m do done ne wi with th yo you u gu guys ys! ! For Fo r go good od! ! I do don’ n’t t ne need ed yo you u di dick cks! s! DEE st DEE sto orm rms s out out of th the e ba bar. r. On th the e wa way y ou out t DEE pa pass sses es CR CRIC ICKE KET T on hi his s wa way y in thin thinki king ng no noth thin ing g of it it. . MAC Hey He y CR CRIC ICKE KET T yo you u ca can’ n’t t be in he here re you’ yo u’re re go goin ing g to sc scar are e of off f customers! (CONTINUED)
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20.
CRICKET Uhhh Uh hh, , I ju jus st ne need ed to um um, , us use e th the e bathroom. CHARLIE Alri Al righ ght, t, but but ma make ke it qu quic ick. k. CRICKE CRIC KET T lo look oks s tr trou oubl bled ed an and d is ne nerv rvou ousl sly y sw swea eati ting ng. . CH CHAR ARLI LIE E and an d DE DENN NNIS IS do don’ n’t t no noti tice ce an anyt ythi hing ng of off f be beca caus use e th they ey ar are e so busy bu sy. . CR CRIC ICKE KET T hu hurr rrie ies s ov over er to th the e ba base seme ment nt st step eps s an and d go goes es down do wn. . A bi big g cr cras ash h is he hear ard, d, an and d FR FRAN ANK K ru runs ns ou out t of th the e office. MAC What Wha t jus just t happen happened? ed? FRANK CAN’ CA N’T T TA TALK LK I HA HAVE VE TO GO GO! ! FRANK FRAN K le leav aves es. . Th The e ba bar r is st star arti ting ng to ge get t ha hazy zy an and d th thic ick k wi with th smok sm oke. e. Ev Ever eryo yone ne is st star arti ting ng to sm smil ile e an and d be beco come me st ston oned ed. . DENN DE NNIS IS co come mes s ou out t of th the e of offi fice ce sm smil ilin ing g ch chee eek k to ch chee eek k wi with th eyes ey es as re red d as bl bloo ood. d. DE DENN NNIS IS wa walk lks s up to CH CHAR ARLI LIE E an and d MA MAC. C. DENNIS Is it just me or is it really dank in he here re? ? MAC Yeah, Yeah , I’ I’m m feel feelin ing g pr pret etty ty ro roas aste ted d myself. CHARLIE Hey, He y, ho how’ w’d d it go wi with th that that gi girl rl? ? MAC Yeah Ye ah, , di did d yo you u bang bang her? her? DENNIS (Laugh (La ughing ing unc uncont ontrol rollab lably) ly) I thi think nk she’ sh e’s s de dead ad! ! Ha Haha haha hah h he hey y gu guys ys lo look oks s like li ke we were re al almo most st ou out t I’ I’m m go goin ing g to run ru n do down wn an and d ge get t so some me mo more re! ! DENNIS DENN IS wa walk lks s ov over er to th the e ba base seme ment nt do door or an and d op open ens s it to hu huge ge flames. DENNIS Hey He y gu guys ys.. ... . th the e ba base seme ment nt is on fire.
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21.
MAC Good one Good one DE DENN NNIS IS. . DENNIS FIRE FI RE! ! TH THE E BA BASE SEME MENT NT IS ON FI FIRE RE! ! CHARLIE WHY ARE WHY ARE YO YOU U YE YELL LLIN ING! G! MAC Oh my go god, d, he he’s ’s not not joki joking ng! ! DENNIS DENN IS is lo look okin ing g do down wn in th the e ba base seme ment nt, , CR CRIC ICKE KET T is he hear ard d of off f in th the e di dist stan ance ce. . CRICKET I’m I’ m so sorr rry y gu guys ys, , I had had no ch choi oice ce! ! DENNIS EAT EA T A DI DICK CK CR CRIC ICKE KET! T! EVER EVERYB YBOD ODY Y OUT! OUT! DENNIS DENN IS sl slam ams s th the e ba base seme ment nt do door or sh shut ut, , lo lock ckin ing g it an and d th ther ereb eby y senten sen tencin cing g CRI CRICKE CKET T to dea death. th. CUT CU T TO TO: : EXT. EX T. PA PADD DDYS YS PU PUB B - NI NIGH GHT T Paddy’ Padd y’s s Pu Pub b is en engu gulf lfed ed in fl flam ames es. . Th The e ga gang ng is wa watc tchi hing ng fr from om the th e st stre reet et. . Th The e ga gang ng is no noti tice ceab ably ly hi high gh an and d in comp comple lete te aw awe. e. CHARLIE Well, Wel l, tha that t esc escala alated ted qui quickl ckly. y. FRANK This Th is is wher where e it en ends ds. . DEE Yeah, Yeah , th this is is ki kind nd of a bum umme mer r to watch. MAC I’m I’ m hu hung ngry ry as shit shit. . DEE Me to too! o! FRANK I co coul uld d go fo for r so som me grub grub. . DENNIS Well We ll, , wh what at do yo you u sa say? y? Le Let’ t’s s go get some som e foo food! d! (CONTINUED)
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22.
The ga The gang ng em embr brac aces es ea each ch ot othe her r an and d wa walk lks s of off f sc scre reen en la laug ughi hing ng as th ther ere e is no not t mu much ch le left ft of a bu burn rni ing Pa Padd ddy’ y’s s in th the e back ba ckgr grou ound nd. . Si Sire rens ns ar are e he hear ard d of off f in th the e di dist stan ance ce. . END EN D OF AC ACT T TH THR REE FADE FA DE OU OUT: T: END CRE CREDIT DITS S
