Reflected Best Self Exercise
Yiming CHEN 1. Introduction
When Dr. Gooty first introduced the Reflected Best Self assignment, I was not so sure about the potential benefits I can get from such an exercise. It’s my second semester in the part-time MBA program. I am eager to complete all the required courses, so that I can focus on the finance concentration. With a Ph.D. in Biomolecular Engineering and five years of experience in medical technology development, I am ready to expand my knowledge and advance my career in company valuation and venture capital investment. I have reached an age that I am quite aware of my strengths and weaknesses. Also, I felt very nervous that I had to reach out to more than ten people to ask them giving me compliments on moments of my best-self. From where I was born and raised, a conservative family from China, the standard proper answer to any compliment is: “no, no, I am really not that good, and I still have a long way to go.” With the doubt in mind, I spent 2 months to go through this exercise. I reached out to eleven people explaining the design of the assignment and the types of feedback I needed. Almost all my friends and colleagues responded with great enthusiasm. I organized and analyzed all the data carefully, and to my surprise, going through the exercise allowed me to see myself a little bit differently. And I’ve gained new insights using the information to better understand myself and to improve myself. This report documents the process, the data, my analysis, and my key take-away from the Reflected Best Self experience.
2. My first self-best portrait When I first reflected about the times when I was at my best self, I was mainly focused on personal factors:
I see myself as a very intelligent person. I feel I was at my best tackling a major research project when I was doing my Ph.D. at the Johns Hopkins University. Before I took on the project to predict the extent of polymer chain agglomeration, three of my fellow graduate students tried and concluded that it was not doable. I developed a new algorithm to solve the problem and generated great results that were later validated by experiment data. When I was ready to graduate, my advisor told his colleague that: “She is not just one of the best graduate students I’ve had over the years. She is the best.” That was the best compliment I have ever heard from my advisor. I am a person with good perception. I am good at understanding the challenge, the big picture, the pros, cons and risks of options. I feel I was at my best making difficult decisions under a lot of uncertainty. In 2012, I was working at the Carey Business School at Johns Hopkins. My husband got a faculty position at the same School, and another offer from Wells Fargo. Each choice has its benefits and limits. And it was most convenient for us to choose to stay in Baltimore. I analyzed the situation, our own career goals, and the long-term career potential in Baltimore and Charlotte. I convinced my husband to accept the offer from Wells Fargo, and I would move to Charlotte to find a new job. This allowed us to accumulate solid industrial experience before going back to academia. We are both very happy and satisfied by this decision. I am also productive and efficient when I put my minds to work. In fall 2014, I enrolled in MBA program at UNCC. At that time, I just got a promotion with increased
responsibility at work. While having a full-time job with heavy workload, I took nine credit hours of courses each semester. I came up with a time-management system to make sure that I perform well at work as well as in school. I divided a typical work day into five one-hour sessions, each devoted to one project. I concentrated on school work on Saturdays, using the morning to read textbooks and articles, the afternoon to do homework, and the evening to review class notes. I found myself highly productive under pressure. I got another promotion after six months, and a 4.0 GPA.
3. Feedback process: Analysis & observations
I reached out to five colleagues, four friends, and two family members to collect my best-self stories. These are people who interact with me at least once every week, most on a daily basis. Their names, current positions and contact information are listed in Appendix I. All respondents provided two to three stories of when I was at my best in their eyes, and my positive contributions in the stories. I initiated follow-up phone calls and conversations when further clarifications and details were needed. A summary of all the stories collected is included in Appendix II. After I read and analyzed the context of each story, I included my own reflections and grouped the thirty three stories into eight themes based on the underlying traits and qualities suggested by the stories, as shown in Table 1. Most of the feedback on my quality and strength are in accordance with how I see myself. My family, friends, and colleagues shared examples showing that I am smart, perspective, and very productive at generating results. It’s interesting that what impressed them the most was not my achievements or qualifications, but more on how I interacted
with and supported other people. Many thanked me for the help or encouragement I gave during their difficult times. Most were small favors that I did, which I could barely recall. This is a thought-provoking finding to me from this exercise. I used to believe that my core identity is mainly defined by my IQ, qualifications, and achievements. Now I start to realize that is not the whole picture. As social being, I am also defined by how I build and cultivate meaningful relationships and bonds with people around me, and how I grow with everyone in the same network. Another wonderful surprise was the feedback that I am courageous and resilient when facing difficult situations. This theme is supported by five stories. To be more calm and resilient towards challenging people or situation is a strength that I have always wanted to build. I am very glad to see the confirmation of the progress I made. Patterns/Th emes Intelligent
Perceptive
Productive
Declarations
Examples Given
I am very intelligent and 1. Doing full-time work and full-time MBA, always willing to work have performed well in both hard towards my goal. 2. Tackled challenging research topic 3. Gained qualification and experience in research, technology transfer, and finance in five years I have good insights and 1. Helped my husband to pick a job offer understanding of situation, that fits our long term goal and use critical thinking 2. Justified why the my team’s annual goals skills to solve problems. needed to be revisited with sufficient data 3. Made the decision to transfer my father to a better hospital for surgery at tough times 4. Arranged my mother’s deep brain stimulation surgery 5. Determined IP strategy for a novel ophthalmology instrument I am highly focused and 1. Colleague doesn’t realize I am in office efficient to finish tasks. when I am focused to complete my work. 2. Spent less time each week to finish 9 credit MBA courses each semester 3. Gathered my team, made plan, and tackled a new overwhelming project within
Management skills
Empowering
Team-player
Courageous and resilient
timeline I am good at organizing 1. Organized BBQ event to speed up food activities, and can preparation and serving coordinate resources 2. Helped arrange friend’s move across town efficiently. I believe in the potential of 1. Stimulated friends to come up with the others, and always best strategy when played board games encourage others. together 2. Gave friend advice and shared books to help him fight his depression 3. Called friend every day in her last two weeks of MCAT preparation to encourage her 4. Gradually gave new hire more responsibilities as time progressed, ensuring she had time to become more acclimated to our company’s culture and her work load 5. Shared my IP knowledge with my friend and encouraged her to discuss the ownership issue with her supervisor I believe in teamwork, and 1. Played board games tactically to help my work hard to contribute team achieve goals my best 2. Continued to work online to meet deadline during family loss 3. Walked Elizabeth through the process of patenting in easy-to-understand terms 4. Answered question for teammate at group presentation I believe in facing 1. Calmly approached and came to a challenge with courage, peaceful resolution with an irate customer can withstand pressure, 2. Made the decision to pursue the best high and recover from difficult school in spite of the high risk conditions. 3. Moved into grandfather’s room after he
passed away. Stayed there alone to study late every night. 4. Spoke up facing tumultuous work situation 5. Handled an abrasive manager in a professional manner Friendly and I believe in treating others 1. Approached Lingling at sidewalk, and delightful with kindness and respect. started a fun conversation to know her My friends find it pleasant 2. Impressed Kara as I paid attention and to hang out with me. truly listened to her
3. Told a joke when first met with Tianxin and had a great conversation with her 4. Gave Guofan a big smile when first met, and found a topic of common interest 5. Sent Xiaolei reference books for her upcoming interviews 6. Greet with a smile, and include coworker for a walk everyday. Table 1. Aggregated story reflection showing patterns and themes
4. Final best-self portrait
In light of the reflected best-self analysis above, I created a portrait of my best-self: When I am at my best, I am an intelligent person who is not afraid to take on challenges and work hard towards my goal. I believe in life-time learning and growth, and I constantly try to improve myself. I am also brave enough to take the necessary risk and accept non-ideal outcomes. I am perceptive to my environment. I have good intuition, and use my research skills to verify my intuition. When there is a need to make difficult decision, I tend to systematically gather important information from different sources, analyze quality of evidence, pros and cons of each option, and the risk I am willing to take. I use such analytical thinking to guide myself through complex situations. It’s hard to say that I always made the right decision, since right and wrong are more subjective evaluation. But I have made choices that brought significant positive changes to my life, my family, and my work. With ability to see the big picture and bring that big picture into other’s perspective, I have the ability to influence my surroundings. Once set my mind, I am highly productive and efficient. I prioritize my tasks, and always stay focused on the most important ones first. When I choose a task, it has my
undivided attention. And I pull all resources to help me accomplish my goal ahead of schedule even when I am under pressure. I can also pull a team together and coordinate resources efficiently within the team to guarantee project delivery on time. In interacting with others, I try to think in other’s shoes. People find me friendly and likable as I respect others and treat others the way I want to be treated. I listen to my friends and colleagues, and pay attention to their needs. As I value self-growth a lot, I am also inspired by other people’s growth and transformation, so I do my best to support their efforts. I believe that collective efforts can lead to bigger achievements. I contribute and help others within a team. I have a cheerful and fun disposition that most people enjoy working with me. When I see conflicts, I try to resolve in a constructive way.
5. Discoveries and Action Plan
Based on the themes and patterns identified from the aggregated stories, and the new reflected best-self portrait, I conducted the analysis to extract contextual elements that may further allow me to stimulate and enhance my best-self, and the ones that may undermine and hinder my best-self. These best-self enablers and blockers mainly cover three areas, as shown by Table 2. At the personal level, it benefits myself a lot that I am intelligent, and highly focused and efficient to generate results. I also believe in life-time learning and growth, which serves as the main inner drive of my continuous self improvement. On the flip side, I am sometimes dismissive of other people’s idea, as I believe I am right most of the time. Such arrogance may lead to missed opportunities. When I am highly focused and determined to get the job down, I tend to overstress myself, thus hurt my long-term
productivity in exchange for short-term benefit. This is not a sustainable way of making progress. Some friends called me an over-achiever. I took it as a compliment. At the same time, I do realize that some of my inner drive is due to lack of self-confidence and lack of self-acceptance. At the relational level, I pay good attention to other people’s needs, and I always try to think in other’s shoes. This helped me to build good relationships and function well in collaborative teamwork settings. On the other hand, there are times that I should have said no. I tend to go out of my way to make others happy. When this goes to extreme, I struggle to balance my priorities with others’. At the situational level, I thrive when situation or task gets complicated. My analytical thinking skills have enabled me to make good decisions and convince my teammates. That said, when there is a lot of uncertainty, I tend to over-analyze. Although I have the courage to take the risks and make the tough calls, I pay a heavy emotional toll in such processes. Such emotional struggle is exhausting and counter productive, which inhibits my best-self.
(Personal)
Enablers I am intelligent.
I am highly focused and efficient to finish tasks.
(Relational)
Blockers Deep down, I am dismissive of other people’s idea. Once an impression is formed, it is hard for me to change. I may become too absorbed in beating the deadline and exhaust myself when tasks become daunting, which will hurt my long term productivity. I may overstress myself, or maybe it is more of a self-acceptance issue deep down. I am a people pleaser. Sometimes, it is hard for me to say no when I should.
I believe in life-time learning and growth, and I constantly try to improve myself I try to think in other’s shoes. I listen to my friends and colleagues, and pay attention to their needs. When I see conflicts, I try to I still tend to avoid conflicts.
resolve in a constructive way (Situational) I use analytical thinking to guide myself through complex situations. I see the big picture and bring that big picture into other’s perspective I am brave enough to take the necessary risk and accept nonideal outcomes.
I tend to over analyze.
Sometimes, I am reluctant to be assertive when I need to. I pay heavy emotional toll on this. I am not really that calm. I push myself to do it, but the process is painful to me.
Table 2. Identification of enablers and blockers With the insights from the enablers and blockers above, I reflected again on the key learning from this exercise, and selected five key areas that I will be working on to amplify my enablers and lessen my blockers. The ultimate goal is to develop a strategy with proper milestones to help me enhance my best-self. The following Table 3 lists my long term goals in each of the five areas, with short-term actionable items. My Goal to Make Best Self Better Enhance productivity with long term sustainability in mind
Days
Take 15 minutes every morning to review to do items, and cross the least important off Empower Remind myself myself to enjoy to focus on selfmy growth growth, and pay more less attention to outcome Become an Practice setting assertive boundary via manager email Expand meaningful network
Start to mingle with less familiar
Weeks
Months
Years
Use the accumulated time saved to jog near office each week
Look at the most timeconsuming tasks, and think of ways to improve efficiency Interpret failure as wonderful character building opportunity Get leadership communication training
Achieve better work-life balance
Do something just for the fun of it
Be comfortable to say: “I disagree, and here is why…” Reach out to one new interesting
Host Charlotte Innovator Meet-up
Promote positive perception and be more spontaneous Obtain effective and respectful communication skills I am not sure right now, but I will come back
colleagues in the building Promote self5-minute acceptance and mindfulness strengthen inner exercise in the peace afternoon
contact each week Be open with my feeling and share it with people around me. Start to learn yoga.
to re-evaluate. Try not to judge immediately. Wait a month to see what will happen.
Be true to my inner feeling, and be kind to myself
Table. Best-self enhancement action plan I decide to keep enhancing my productivity, with sustainability in mind. Each morning, I will take fifteen minutes to review and prioritize my goals. One least important task will be crossed off from the day, which will allow more free time for myself. I plan to use the accumulated time saved to jog near office. Each month, I will review the most time-consuming task and think of ways to improve efficiency. Over the years, I aim to achieve better work-life balance, to stay highly productive with much less stress. I will keep empowering myself and focus more on enjoying this process. In the upcoming days, I will consciously make a mental stop to remind myself that outcome is not as important as the process. I will pick one fun activity each week just to explore new options. In the coming months, when I am facing difficulties, I will write down all the wonderful character building experience I can obtain. My goal is to promote more positive thinking and be more spontaneous with my life. I will practice to be more assertive at work, starting from setting boundaries via email. I will say: “I disagree” out loud at least once per week. Judging from the situation at work, there will be ample opportunity for me to do so. I have reached out to a leadership communication coach in Charlotte to learn more about the training. I plan to start a six-session program in the fall. In the long run, I want to become a very effective and gracious communicator. On building and expanding meaning network, I will start to mingle with colleagues from
departments that seldom interact with my department. I see them all the time in the hallway, but never stopped to learn who they are and what they do. There is a list of people on LinkedIn that I already wanted to reach out to. I will do that in the coming weeks. Given the mutual connections and common career interests, I will benefit a lot talking with them. I am also planning to host a Meet-up session for all young managers in innovation management industry in Charlotte. I am not so sure about my long-term goal in network expanding, as this is a new thing for me. But I will reflect on this after a few months. One area I will work hard on is promoting self-acceptance and strengthens my inner peace. I installed a 5-minute mindfulness exercise on my phone and have been doing this exercise every afternoon in the past week. I will urge myself to be open with my feeling and share it with people around me. In the coming months, when I am facing difficulties, I will also try not to rush to conclusions. I will let them sit for several weeks, just to observe instead of judge. It will need continuous effort and commitment, given where I am right now. But I will get there, to stay true to my inner feelings, and be kind to myself. When I started the best-self exercise, I never thought that it would drive me to do so much soul searching. I am pleasantly surprised by the outcome, and I will revisit my action plan in July to check my progress and make necessary adjustments.
Appendix
I. List of respondents Relation Colleague
Name Ticora Davis
Colleague
Kara Shaffer
Colleague
Tia Williams
Colleague
Friend
Ann Somers Hogg Elizabeth Benfield Guofan Hu
Friend
Shuang Li
Friend
Lingling Kong
Friend
Xiaolei Song
Family
Yuefeng Han
Family
Xuli Chen and Wanhua Qin
Colleague
Current Job Contact Email IP Analyst, Edison ticora.davis@edisonnationmedica Nation Medical l.com Executive Assistant,
[email protected] Edison Nation Medical Clinical Value Tia.Williams@carolinashealthcar Analyst, CHS e.org Innovation Manager, AnnSomers.Hogg@carolinashealt CHS hcare.org Innovation Elizabeth.Benfield@carolinasheal Specialist, CHS thcare.org Quantitative
[email protected] associate, Wells Fargo Securities Risk Quant, Wells
[email protected] Fargo Securities Research Scientist,
[email protected] Department of Neurology, Johns HopkinsUniversity Postdoctoral Fellow,
[email protected] Johns Hopkins University
Banker, Wells Fargo Securities Retired
[email protected] [email protected]
II. Aggregated stories Ticora Davis 1. Every week, our team holds meetings on Tuesday mornings to discuss the company’s goals, challenges, and overall progress. This often entails troubleshooting issues that arise in various sectors of the company and quelling disruptive, yet passionate, opinions concerning strategy. During one of these meetings, Yiming presented the Technology Evaluation Team’s fiscal year goals which was met with some resistance and skepticism. At that moment, Yiming chose to explain why the Team’s goals needed to be revisited and justified her
stance with sufficient data. Yiming has an effortless ability to see the big picture and bring that big picture into everyone else’s perspective. She has an effortless ability to command respect without being too forceful. In the end, the Team supported her initial goals and had a better understanding of the Technology Evaluation Team’s challenges and work load. 2. As my immediate supervisor, Yiming meets with me once a week to discuss strategy, weekly goals, and provide feedback on my overall performance. Within 1-2 months of working, Yiming began to ask for my input during these meetings. As a result, I have been provided with an opportunity to share my outlook and opinion in a safe space. In addition, Yiming gradually gave me more responsibilities as time has progressed, ensuring I had time to become more acclimated to our company’s culture and my work load. As a relatively new employee, her leadership style has empowered me to feel comfortable sharing my opinions, as well as given me more confidence overall. 3. I believe Yiming was her best self when she experienced a death in her family at the beginning of this year. She decided to take some time away from work to focus on what’s really important -- family, rest, and reflection. During her time of bereavement, she still continued to contribute by working remotely and meeting deadlines. Her sheer determination to continue being a team player and valuable contributor was extremely humbling for me. She truly epitomized grace and grit and inspired me, as well as others, to give our best no matter what we face in life. Kara Shaffer 1. I think the two words that pop in my head first about you Yiming, is polished and professional. I remember when you first interviewed with the company I was really hoping that you would be hired. Management positions within our company are predominately male-oriented. Though you have a small frame, your appearance and demeanor are what some call the “it” factor. Your body language, the way you listen (really listen) before you speak and your educational background are a force to be reckoned with. 2. One instance that comes to mind about your strength came about two years ago when there was a lot of turbulence coming from a manager within your group. I heard about it from other coworkers who confided in me that the situation was very tumultuous. The rumor mill quickly escalated as the use of inappropriate language, screaming, threatening personnel of termination and the like, made the workplace a very intimidating scenario. I went to the president of the company and reported what I had heard, not knowing that it had already been brought to his attention. One of my biggest fears was that we would be in jeopardy of losing you in the process. Only after the dust had settled did I find out that you were the one pushing back- not running away from the situation, like several who decided to leave. You are not afraid to speak up and like a challenging situation, as long as it leads to resolution. It’s who you project to be, polished and professional that is your true self. That you stayed and weathered the storm shows just how strong you are. It is an honor that we have someone like you working and representing our company in a management position.
Tia Williams 1. You have the ability to pull resources together to get the job done, under pressure. – A new overwhelming project was placed into your lap (new idea submissions from potentially thousands of inventors). Must would have become overwhelmed at the daunting task but Yiming gathered her team, made a plan and tackled it full speed ahead. 2. You respond quickly, calmly and professionally in unknown situations – An irate customer/inventor stopped by the office unexpectedly. As everyone else became frightened, Yiming calmly approached and came to a peaceful resolution. 3. Yiming is well prepared for presentations and displays great confidence. During a presentation, a question was asked of someone else. That person did not know the answer, Yiming immediately jumped in and provided sound evidence and knowledge around the question. Ann Somers Hogg 1. You have an amazing ability for focus and persistence to accomplish all work challenges. You have an amazing work ethic. Sharing an office space with you I am very impressed by your drive to complete your work and your focus in completing it. You seem to tackle any and all challenges that come your way. For example, you are so focused and persistent in your approach to work, that I sometimes don’t even realize you are in the office! You are so productive, it’s amazing. 2. You are extremely intelligent and always willing to take on more. For example, even though work at ENM is very busy and you do the work load of more than one person, you still made the decision to pursue an MBA. You do this all without complaints or any mention of the additional work load and how exhausting it may be. (Since I am watching my husband go through the same process, I know you must be tired!) This is another example of your admirable and inspiring work ethic. 3. You are friendly! I think this is an under-rated quality in work colleagues, and it is so refreshing to work with you because you are so nice to everyone. For example, you always say good morning with a smile, and kindly ask if anyone wants to join you when you go for a walk in the warm weather. Elizabeth Benfield 1. “Yiming is a very helpful and resourceful person to work with. Once when I had a question about how to find information on patents and trademarks, she not only walked me through the process but also explained the difference to me in terms that I could understand. Although my questions were very basic, she was very patient, and didn’t make me feel like I was asking a stupid question. While it would have been easier for her to respond with just the answer to my question, I was grateful that she took time to help me find the answer and also gave me the education so that I was empowered to find information on my own in the future. 2. Yiming is also a very reliable colleague. When my team has questions, her name frequently comes up as a resource. We know that if we ask her to review a product or idea, she will respond with a thorough answer that is trustworthy.”
Guofan Hu 1. You have the ability to stimulate others and make them work the best possible. We play games together quite often, Saboteur and The Settlers of Catan. You are always working hard and being very thoughtful in the game. Being your opponent or ally, it's always very stimulating to me and that can push me to work the best I can. I can imagine the same attitude in workplace will make you a great leadership where team members get motivated by you. 2. You have the ability to gain people's trust and win long term friendship. You have been very sincere and genuine to others. When meeting you in person, your smile, eye contact and voice can easily win others' trust. Friendship starts to build from that little trust and gradually grows to be a solid relationship. Maturity is also one of your strengths, which helps a relationship last long. I remember the first time we met, you gave me a big smile, and asked me what I like to do for fun at spare time. I told you I am into gaming. You mentioned many computer games that surprised me. Shuang Li 1. You have the virtue to be a great team player and collabrator. For example, I can think of time that we were playing board/card games that require lots of teamwork to win. You always played tactically to help your team achieve share goals 2. You are a great organizer of common activities. I can think of time that you put together people to work efficiently. For example, during our BBQ last year, a lot of hands-on prep work was done by the girls group which you took the lead on so that boys could focus on grilling. It turned out that everyone was so happy at the end since you certainly speed up the process toward food serving. 3. You always stay with positive energy and uncourageous to others. For example, I can think of time that you gave friends helpful advice to resolve their difficulties. When a friend was depressed, you him gave very detailed and enthusiastic guidance to energize him. The advices together with books you shared really helped him re-realize lots of positive parts of life and turned uphill psychologically. Lingling Kong 1. You are an understanding person that brings great harmony to life. You easily understand people, focuses on their fortes, and help them to come over their weakness. I have never seen a person with such patience and forgiveness who can easily build up harmonic, long-lasting relationship that’s very constructive. Your cheerfulness and humor make you a very charismatic person that glues people together. A great part of it is because you never hesitate to give rather than to ask. Just personally speaking I cannot remember how much time you spent with me fighting my own weakness. Right before my Step 1 exam, I was so stressed and was sure if I should take it or not. You encouraged me a lot, you even called me twice every day, once in the morning and once in the evening to check on me in the last couple weeks.
2. You are a person who has great perception and creativity that extends through different disciplines. Many Ph.D.s are really narrow-minded, but you go beyond the limitation of each individual discipline and explore the social and economic potential of new findings in a particular area based on genuine knowledge. I remember once you ask me many questions in detail about ophthalmic to determine patent for a novel instrument. I was impressed with your curiosity in learning across disciplines and understood that your judge ment is based on rationality. I believe this quality will always lead you to new dimensions of the world and make you a person with pioneering insight. 3. You are a person with great perseverance. You never give up because something is difficult, even if it will take years to achieve the goal. You have this great virtue to success because you plan things ahead of time but also react quickly to the environment. Xiaolei Song 1. You have capacity to efficiently organize things and coordinate the resources. For example, I think of the time that you help me when I moved to another apartment. Not just helped moving several pieces including two heavy beds, you also remembered to give me a couple of necessary things, such as heater, microwave and plates. Another example is, when I asked you something related to my work, you can understand it immediately and efficiently give me feedbacks. 2. You are humorous and good at communications. For example, three years ago we were dining outside, with a new friend I just introduced to you (Tianxin, who also helped me with the moving). And you had such a good conversation. Until now she still remember the joke you told and always mentioned it. 3. You can really considerate and think at other’s role. For example, you mailed book to Yue when we need it. And you are discussing with my future, from my point, both career and personal life. Yuefeng Han 1. You have the capability to remake yourself. You are at your best building your own career path in the past 5 years. First, you made yourself a fine scientist and engineer; later, in 2 years you made yourself an expert in technology and market; now you are making yourself a business and financial professional. I think this is a good quality in a fast changing economy. With it, you always keep your mind open in a fast changing world. I am sure something amazing will come out of your diverse experience. 2. You have skills to handle a conflict. You used to have an abrasive manager; you struggled a lot, but kept trying your best to cope. You tried consoling, meditation, exercise, etc. You also read a lot of books on handling difficult relationships. In the end you managed to make it an effective working relationship. Conflicts are always part of life, professional or family. Your level of self-reflect makes you appraise them from all aspects, which enables you to resolve conflicts in a constructive way. Xuli Chen and Wanhua Qin (my parents)
Interview conducted via phone. I translated their feedback to English. 1. In 2005, when your father suffered from mass internal bleeding from Cirrhosis, the doctors couldn’t guarantee the outcome and asked us to decide whether to perform surgery or go with conservative treatment. We didn’t know what to do as the two lead doctors disagree with each other. You did the research, talked with multiple physicians from other hospitals, and reviewed the literature and past data. In the end, you explained to me the pros and cons, and persuaded me to transfer your father to a better hospital for surgery. He recovered with great result. 2. Your mother has suffered from Parkinson’s for 10 years, and her condition was deteriorating. We heard about a surgical intervention, call deep brain stimulation. But this procedure is not regularly performed in China, and is very expensive. We were not sure if this would help your mother, and if benefit would outweigh the cost. You reached out to surgeons in US and China to discuss your mother’s case. You also did your own research on clinical data and FDA approval. In 2014, you came back to China and arranged the surgery for your mother. Her condition has improved a lot after the surgery. We think it’s so worth the fee. 3. You are a brave girl. When your grandfather passed away in 1993, you were 15 years old. After the funeral, we moved you to your grandpa’s room. That room was right next to the yard, far away from other bedrooms, and very quiet. Since you needed to stay late every night to study, we thought that’s a nice place. But we were worried that you may be too scared to stay there alone. It was an old house, with big rooms and dark hallways. Your aunts didn’t dare to stay there alone at night. To our surprise, you made that place yours, and had no problem to be alone every night. We asked if you were scared of ghost. You said: “Why? Grandpa was family.” We were very impressed. 4. You are not afraid of challenge, and you are courageous to make your own decision when you face challenges. When you were about to decide which high school to go to, we suggested you to pick the second best school in our providence. You wanted to pick the best school instead. At that time, high school admissions were determined by the one-time standardized entrance exam. And the st nd score requirements between the 1 and 2 school may be significant. If not picked by the top three schools, you may end up in a second tier high school. We wanted to control the risk a bit to make sure you can get into the top tier. You thought about it for one day, and told us that you decided to apply for the best school. And you said: “I’ve made my decision, and I think I can do it. If I didn’t do well in the entrance exam, I will have no regrets. I will perform well in a second tier high school and still go to a great university”.
