LIVING BEYOND YOUR FEELINGS Controlling Emotions So They Don't Control You
JOYCE
M E Y E R
TABLE OF CONTENTS CONTENTS Introduction PART I Chapter 1: I Want to Do What Is Riht! "ut I Do What Is Wron Chapter #: Wh$ A% I So E%otiona&' Chapter (: Te&& So%eone )o* +ou +ou Fee& Chapter ,: Our Secrets -a.e /s Sic. Chapter 0: I Wish I Didnt Fee& This Wa$ Chapter 2: Do +ou )a3e a Pu&se' Chapter 4: E%otiona& React Reactions ions Chapter 5: Thouhts Are Fue& 6or Fee&ins Chapter 7: Words Are Fue& 6or E%otions Chapter 18: Can I Contro& So%ethin 6or a Chane' PART II Chapter 11: Aner Chapter 1#: 9ui&t Chapter 1(: Fear Chapter 1,: )and&in Loss
Chapter 10: Freedo% 6ro% Discourae%ent and Depression Chapter 12: Wh$ Is It So )ard to Fori3e' Chapter 14: )o* E%otions A66ect Our )ea&th Chapter 15: Stress and E%otions Chapter 17: 9ood E%otions Suested Readin A"out the Author
Feelings Feelings are are much like like wav waves, es, we can’t stop them rom coming, !ut we can choose which one to sur"
;onatan -
INTROD/CTION It see%s to %e that *e ta&. a"out ho* *e 6ee& %ore than practica&&$ an$thin e&se= We 6ee& ood or "ad! happ$ or sad! e>cited or discouraed! and a thousand other thins= The in3entor$ o6 the 3arious *a$s *e 6ee& is a&%ost end&ess= Fee&ins are e3er chanin! usua&&$ *ithout noti6ication= The$ dont need our per%ission to 6&uctuate? the$ %ere&$ see% to do as the$ p&ease 6or no speci6ic reason that *e can 6ind= We ha3e a&& e>perienced oin to "ed 6ee&in @ust 6ine ph$sica&&$ and e%otiona&&$! on&$ to *a.e up the ne>t %ornin 6ee&in tired and irrita"&e= Wh$' Wh$ do I 6ee& this *a$' *e as. ourse&3es! and then *e usua&&$ "ein to te&& an$one *ho *i&& &isten ho* *e 6ee&= It is interestin to note that *e tend to ta&. a &ot %ore a"out our neati3e 6ee&ins than *e do our positi3e ones= I6 I *a.e up 6ee&in eneretic and e>cited a"out the da$! I rare&$ announce it to e3er$one I co%e in contact *ith? ho*e3er! i6 I 6ee& tired and discouraed! I *ant to te&& e3er$one= It has ta.en %e $ears to &earn that ta&.in a"out ho* I 6ee& increases the intensit$ o6 those 6ee&ins= So it see%s to %e that *e shou&d .eep uiet a"out the neati3e 6ee&ins and ta&. a"out the positi3e ones= As $ou read this "oo.! I a% oin to as. $ou to %a.e decisions? perhaps that can "e the 6irst decision $ou %a.e= Write it do*n and con6ess it out &oud:
Decision and con6ession: I a% oin to ta&. a"out %$ positi3e 6ee&ins so the$ *i&& increase! and .eep uiet a"out %$ neati3e 6ee&ins so the$ &ose their strenth= +ou +ou can a&*a$ a&*a$ss te&& 9od ho* ho* $ou 6ee& 6ee& and as. 6or )is he&p and strenth! "ut ta&.in a"out neati3e 6ee&ins @ust to to "e ta&.in does no ood at a&&= The Bi"&e Bi"&e instructs us not to spea. *ith id&e inoperati3e! non*or.in *ords see -att= 1#:(2= I6 neati3e 6ee&ins persist! as.in 6or pra$er or see.in ad3ice is a ood thin! "ut once aain I *ant to stress that ta&.in @ust to "e ta&.in is use&ess= In a multitude of words transgression is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is prudent. (Proverbs 10:19
The %ain the%e o6 this "oo. is that a&thouh 6ee&ins can "e 3er$ stron and de%andin! *e do not ha3e to &et the% ru&e our &i3es= We can &earn to %anae our e%otions rather than a&&o*in the% to %anae us= This has "een one o6 the %ost i%portant "i"&ica& truths I ha3e &earned in %$ @ourne$ *ith 9od= It has a&so "een one that has a&&o*ed %e to consistent&$ en@o$ %$ &i6e= I6 *e ha3e to *ait to see ho* *e 6ee& "e6ore *e .no* i6 *e can en@o$ the da$! then *e are i3in 6ee&ins contro& o3er us= But than.6u&&$ *e ha3e 6ree *i&& and can %a.e decisions that are not "ased on 6ee&ins= I6 *e are *i&&in to %a.e riht choices reard&ess o6 ho* *e 6ee&! 9od *i&& a&*a$s "e 6aith6u& to i3e us the strenth to do so=
Li3in the ood &i6e that 9od has %ade read$ 6or us is "ased on our "ein o"edient to )is *a$ o6 "ein and doin= )e i3es us the strenth to do *hat is riht! "ut *e are the ones *ho %ust choose it 9od *ont do it 6or us= )e he&ps us! "ut *e %ust participate "$ choosin riht o3er *ron= We can 6ee& *ron and sti&& choose to do *hat is riht= No"od$ can consistent&$ en@o$ &i6e unti& the$ are *i&&in to do that= For e>a%p&e! I %a$ 6ee& &i.e shuttin so%eone out o6 %$ &i6e "ecause the$ ha3e hurt %$ 6ee&ins or treated %e un6air&$! "ut I can choose to pra$ 6or the% and treat the% as ;esus *ou&d *hi&e I a% *aitin 6or )i% to 3indicate %e= I6 I act accordin to %$ 6ee&ins! I *i&& do the *ron thin and 6or6eit peace and @o$= But i6 I choose to do *hat 9od has instructed %e to do in )is Word! I *i&& ha3e 9ods re*ard in %$ &i6e= Fee&ins in and o6 the%se&3es are neither ood nor e3i&= The$ are @ust unsta"&e and %ust "e %anaed= The$ can "e en@o$a"&e and *onder6u&! "ut the$ can a&so %a.e us %isera"&e and dri3e us to %a.e choices *e e3entua&&$ reret= /n"rid&ed e%otions %iht "e co%pared to a s%a&& chi&d *ho *ants to ha3e and do e3er$thin! "ut does not understand the daner so%e o6 those thins present= The parent %ust contro& the chi&d! or he *i&& sure&$ hurt hi%se&6 and others= We %ust parent our e%otions= We %ust train the% to ser3e us so *e dont "eco%e their s&a3e= I6 $ou are read$ to %aster $our e%otions! this "oo. is
6or $ou= I "e&ie3e I *i&& "e a"&e to he&p $ou understand so%e o6 $our 6ee&ins! "ut understandin the% is not near&$ as i%portant as contro&&in the%= -a.e a decision that $ou *i&& no &oner &et $our 6ee&ins contro& $ou= I6 $ou are read$ to %aster $our e%otions! this "oo. is 6or $ou= I "e&ie3e I *i&& "e a"&e to he&p $ou understand so%e o6 $our 6ee&ins! "ut understandin the% is not near&$ as i%portant as contro&&in the%= This "oo. cou&d "e one o6 the %ost i%portant "oo.s $ou e3er read= The princip&es in it aree *ith 9ods Word and *i&& put $ou in a position o6 authorit$ rather than one o6 a s&a3e= +ou can ha3e 3ictor$ rather than "ein a 3icti%= +ou dont ha3e to *ait to see ho* $ou 6ee& e3er$ da$ "e6ore $ou .no* ho* $ou *i&& act= I "e&ie3e this "oo. *i&& he&p $ou understand $ourse&6 "etter than e3er "e6ore and a&so euip $ou to %a.e decisions that *i&& re&ease 9ods "est into $our &i6e= Decision and con6ession: I choose to do *hat is riht no %atter ho* I 6ee&=
PART I C)APTER 1 I Want To Do What Is Riht! But I Do What Is Wron
We hu%an "eins are e>tre%e&$ co%p&e>= Our e%otions are on&$ one aspect o6 our "ein! "ut the$ are a 3er$ i%portant one= Actua&&$! it has "een said that e%otions are the Christians nu%"er one ene%$ "ecause the$ can easi&$ pre3ent us 6ro% 6o&&o*in the *i&& o6 9od= I thin. e%otions ha3e "een a %$ster$ 6or %ost o6 us= Freuent&$! *e si%p&$ dont .no* *h$ *e 6ee& the *a$ *e 6ee&= We &et e%otions con6use us! and that o6ten &eads us to %a.e decisions *e &ater reret= There %a$ "e a &ot that *e dont understand a"out ourse&3es! "ut than. 9od *e can &earn= I6 $ou stand in 6ront o6 the %irror and &oo. at $ourse&6! $ou see $our "od$! "ut that is on&$ the outer she&& o6 *ho $ou rea&&$ are= There is a &ot that oes on inside us that cannot "e seen *ith the na.ed e$e= We ha3e thouhts! 6ee&ins! i%ainations! i%ainations! and desires that reside in a %uch deeper part o6 us than *hat *e see in the %irror= The Bi"&e re6ers to that part as the hidden person o6 the heartG 1 Pet= (:,= )a3e $ou
e3er 6e&t that there is a person &i3in inside $ou *ho is uite di66erent 6ro% the one $ou present to the *or&d' I thin. *e ha3e a&& 6e&t that *a$ at ti%es= We are 6irst and 6ore%ost spiritua& "eins? *e ha3e a sou& and *e &i3e in a "od$= We shou&d pa$ %ore attention to the inner person "ecause *hen *e die! our spirits and sou&s are the parts o6 us that *i&& &i3e 6ore3er! "ut our "odies *i&& si%p&$ deca$= !et not "ours be the #merel"$ e%ternal adorning with #elaborate$ interweaving interweaving and knotting of the hair, hair, the wearing of &ewelr", &ewelr", or changes of clothes' but let it be the inward adorning and beaut" of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which #is not an%ious or wrought up, but$ is ver" precious in the sight of od. (1 Peter ):)*+
This Scripture is not i%p&$in that it is *ron to 6i> $our hair! *ear @e*e&r$! or ha3e nice c&othes= It is sa$in that i6 *e pa$ e>cessi3e attention to ho* *e &oo. and inore the hidden person o6 the heart! 9od is not p&eased= It *ou&d "e 6ar "etter 6or us to *or. *ith the )o&$ Spirit to i%pro3e our thouhts! e%otions! attitudes! i%ainations! and consciences= I6 in the e$es o6 the *or&d a *o%an is considered "eauti6u& and *e&&dressed! "ut she is 6i&&ed 6 i&&ed *ith aner! un6ori3eness! ui&t! sha%e! depression! and neati3e! hate6u& thouhts! then she is "an.rupt
spiritua&&$ and unattracti3e to 9od= he -ar -ithin
We o6ten 6ee& &i.e a *ar is oin on *ithin us= One part o6 us the inner person *ants to do *hat *e .no* to "e riht! and another part the outer person *ants to do *hat is *ron= The *ron thin can 6ee& riht! *hi&e the riht thin 6ee&s *ron= Re%e%"er that *e cannot @ude the %ora& 3a&ue o6 an$ action "$ ho* *e 6ee&= Our 6ee&ins are unre&ia"&e and cannot "e trusted to con3e$ truth= A Christian *o%an %a$ "eco%e e%otiona&&$ attached to a %an other than her hus"and? she %a$ 6ee& that she cou&d ne3er "e happ$ *ithout hi%! $et deep inside she .no*s that &ea3in her 6a%i&$ 6or the other %an *ou&d "e the *ron thin to do= She doesnt *ant to hurt an$one= She doesnt *ant to disappoint 6a%i&$ and 6riends! "ut her 6ee&ins see% o3er*he&%in= She "att&es *ith her thouhts and e%otions and is in the %idst % idst o6 a terri"&e! re&ent&ess stru&e= She ta&.s herse&6 into doin the riht thin! "ut *hen she thin.s a"out or sees the %an! she once aain 6ee&s she cannot "e happ$ *ithout hi%= Part o6 her *ants to do *hat she .no*s is riht! and part o6 her *ants to do *hat she 6ee&s &i.e doin e3en thouh she .no*s it is *ron= She as.s herse&6 and perhaps other peop&e ti%e and aain! Wh$ do I 6ee& this
*a$'G She %a$ *ish that she didnt 6ee& the *a$ she does= But then she reasons! )o* can this "e *ron since it 6ee&s so riht' She "eins to @usti6$ her actions "$ %a.in e>cuses and p&acin "&a%e e&se*here= She sa$s that her hus"and does not understand her and has ne3er "een e%otiona&&$ a3ai&a"&e= She is &one&$ and con3inces herse&6 that she %arried the *ron %an= These aru%ents certain&$ certain&$ sound reasona"&e! "ut sti&& there is so%ethin in her that *ont &et her o *ithout a 6iht= The Spirit o6 9od *ho &i3es in her spirit is con3ictin her and tr$in to con3ince her to 6o&&o* *isdo% rather than e%otions= The *o%an is a Christian and has a reasona"&e .no*&ede o6 9ods Word= As a "e&ie3er in Christ she has a rene*ed spirit? 9od has i3en her a ne* heart and put )is Spirit deep *ithin her= In her spirit she .no*s *hat is riht and *ants to do it! "ut her sou&! *here her thouhts and e%otions reside! has a di66erent idea a&toether= It *ants *hat 6ee&s ood at the %o%ent! not *hat *i&& produce ood resu&ts &ater on= I6 a *o%an has no .no*&ede o6 9ods Word and no re&ationship *ith )i%! she %a$ not care i6 *hat she *ants is riht or not! "ut the Christian is una"&e to sin and not care= She %a$ choose to sin! "ut her choice is not due to inorance= It is due to re"e&&ion and perhaps a &i6e&on ha"it o6 &ettin her e%otions ru&e= The Bi"&e teaches us that those *ho are "orn o6 9od cannot *i&&6u&&$! ha"itua&&$! and purpose&$ sin!
"ecause 9ods nature a"ides in the% see 1 ;ohn (:7= The$ %a$ sin! "ut the$ cannot do so co%6orta"&$ and continua&&$= The$ are 3er$ %uch a*are o6 their *ron actions! and the$ are 3er$ %isera"&e= The chi&d o6 9od 6reuent&$ 6inds that she *ants to do riht and *ron at the sa%e ti%e= )er rene*ed spirit cra3es ho&iness and rihteousness! "ut the carna& 6&esh&$ sou& sti&& cra3es *or&d&$ thins= E3en the apost&e Pau& descri"es 6ee&in the sa%e *a$ in Ro%ans chapter 4: I do not understand %$ o*n actions HI a% "a66&ed! "e*i&dered= I do not practice or acco%p&ish *hat I *ish! "ut I do the 3er$ thin that I &oathe H*hich %$ %ora& instinct conde%nsG 3= 10= Pau& oes on in the sa%e chapter to e>p&ain %ore o6 *hat *e 6ee& "$ sa$in that he has the intention and ure to do *hat is riht! "ut he 6ai&s to carr$ it out= )e 6ai&s to practice the ood that he desires to do and instead does e3i&= Than.6u&&$! "$ the end o6 the chapter! Pau& has rea&iJed that on&$ Christ can de&i3er hi% 6ro% the 6&esh&$ action! and as *e continue to stud$ his &i6e! *e &earn that he de3e&oped an a"i&it$ to sa$ no to hi%se&6 i6 *hat he *anted did not aree *ith 9ods Word= )e &earned to &ean on 9od 6or strenth and then use his *i&& to choose *hat *as riht no %atter ho* he 6e&t= Pau& said that he died dai&$! *hich %eant that he died to his o*n 6&esh&$ desires in order to &ori6$ 9od: I die dai&$ HI 6ace death e3er$ da$ and die to se&6G 1 Cor= 10:(1=
Christians *ere reu&ar&$ persecuted durin Pau&s &i6e! and he certain&$ 6aced the possi"i&it$ o6 ph$sica& death dai&$! "ut he a&so e>perienced a sou& death as he &aid aside his o*n *i&& in order to &i3e 6or 9od= )e chose to o"e$ 9od and *a&.ed in the spirit *isdo% rather than in the sou& 6&esh= )e *a&.ed accordin to *hat he .ne* *as riht! not accordin to ho* he 6e&t or *hat he thouht! and he e>pressed those riht decisions as d$in to se&6= I *i&& use the phrase d$in to se&6G se&6 G in this "oo.! and a&thouh it sounds unp&easant and pain6u&! the truth is that *e %ust die to ourse&3es i6 *e *ant to enuine&$ and tru&$ &i3e the &i3es 9od has pro3ided 6or us throuh ;esus Christ= When *e are *i&&in to &i3e "$ princip&e rather than e%otion! *e are d$in to se&6ishness and *i&& en@o$ the a"undant &i6e o6 9od= I a% sure $ou3e heard the sa$in No pain no ainG E3er$ ood thin in &i6e reuires an initia& in3est%ent *hich is usua&&$ pain6u& "e6ore *e see the re*ard= E>ercise is pain6u&! "ut it produces a re*ard= Sa3in %one$ %eans *e need to den$ ourse&3es so%e o6 the thins *e *ant! "ut the re*ard is 6inancia& securit$ &ater in &i6e= Wor.in throuh di66icu&ties in re&ationships e3entua&&$ pro3ides the re*ard o6 ood co%panionship= Ta.in ti%e to stud$ 9ods Word and &earn )is character reuires discip&ine! "ut it "rins a reat re*ard= Learnin to understand the di66erence "et*een sou& and spirit is 3ita& i6 *e can e3er hope to ha3e an$ %easure o6 sta"i&it$ and 3ictor$ in &i6e= We %ust
&earn to &i3e out o6 the ne* nature 9od has i3en us *hi&e den$in the o&d nature 6&esh the riht to ru&e= Da3e has to&d %e that he re%e%"ers the ti%e *hen he *ou&d dri3e ho%e 6ro% *or. in the e3enin thin.in! I *onder *hat ;o$ce *i&& "e &i.e toniht' )e ne3er .ne* "ecause I chaned 6reuent&$= E3en i6 I *as in a ood %ood *hen he &e6t that %ornin! there *as no uarantee I *ou&d sti&& "e that *a$ in the e3enin= Sad&$! I didnt .no* ho* I *ou&d "e either unti& %$ 6ee&ins in6or%ed %e= I *as co%p&ete&$ contro&&ed "$ ho* I 6e&t! and e3en *orse! I didnt .no* that I cou&d do an$thin a"out it= 9ods Word sa$s that peop&e perish 6or a &ac. o6 .no*&ede see )osea ,:2? Pro3= #7:15! and I .no* 6ro% e>perience ho* true that is= I a% *ritin this "oo. "ecause I "e&ie3e %i&&ions o6 peop&e &i3e that *a$ and are &oo.in 6or ans*ers= The$ *ant %ore sta"i&it$= The$ *ant to "e a"&e to trust the%se&3es and ha3e other peop&e 6ee& the$ can depend on the% to "e sta"&e! "ut the$ ha3e ne3er &earned that the$ can %anae their e%otions rather than &ettin their e%otions %anae the%= A ew ature 9ods Word teaches us that *hen *e recei3e Christ as our Sa3ior and Lord! )e i3es us a ne* nature see # Cor= 0:14= )e i3es us )is nature= )e a&so i3es us a spirit o6 discip&ine and se&6contro&! *hich is 3ita& in
a&&o*in us to choose the *a$s o6 our ne* nature= )e a&so i3es us a sound %ind see # Ti%= 1:4! and that %eans *e can thin. a"out thins proper&$ *ithout "ein contro&&ed "$ e%otion= The *a$ *e once *ere passes a*a$! and *e ha3e a&& the euip%ent *e need 6or a "randne* *a$ o6 "eha3in= 9od i3es us the a"i&it$ and o66ers to he&p us! "ut *e are not puppets and 9od *i&& not %anipu&ate us= We %ust choose spirit o3er 6&esh and riht o3er *ron= Our rene*ed spirits can no* contro& our sou&s and "odies or! to sa$ it another *a$! the inner person can contro& the outer person= The Bi"&e 6reuent&$ uses the ter% the 6&eshG *hen re6errin to a co%"ination o6 the "od$! %ind! e%otions! and *i&&= The *ord 6&esh is used s$non$%ous&$ s$non$%ous&$ *ith the *ord carna&= Both co%e 6ro% a *ord that %eans %eat or ani%a&istic= In other *ords! i6 the 6&esh is not contro&&ed "$ the spirit! then it can "eha3e uite &i.e a *i&d ani%a&= )a3e $ou e3er done so%ethin ridicu&ous in a %o%ent o6 intense e%otion and then said &ater! I @ust cant "e&ie3e that I "eha3ed that *a$G' We3e a&& had ti%es &i.e that= I &i.e di&& pic.&es! "ut *hen I *as prenant I cou&d not eat the% "ecause I had to sta$ on a &o*sodiu% diet= I *anted pic.&es so "ad&$ that a6ter I ca%e ho%e 6ro% ha3in %$ "a"$! I sat do*n and ate a uart @ar o6 di&& pic.&es= O6 course the$ %ade %e sic.! and &ater I rea&iJed doin that *as e>cessi3e and de6inite&$ not *ise= The *a$ I *ent a6ter those pic.&es *as not un&i.e the *a$ an ani%a& oes a6ter a piece o6 %eat=
Without 9ods he&p *e ha3e di66icu&t$ doin thins in %oderation= We 6reuent&$ eat too %uch! spend too %uch %one$! ha3e too %uch entertain%ent! and ta&. too %uch= We are e>cessi3e in our actions "ecause *e "eha3e e%otiona&&$= We 6ee& &i.e doin a thin and so *e do it! *ithout an$ thouht to the end resu&t= A6ter the thin is done and cannot "e undone! *e reret doin it= We do not ha3e to &i3e in reret= 9od i3es us )is Spirit to ena"&e us to %a.e riht and *ise choices= )e ures us! uides and &eads us! "ut *e sti&& ha3e to cast the decidin 3ote= I6 $ou ha3e "een castin the *ron 3ote! a&& $ou need to do is chane $our 3ote= For%in ne* ha"its *i&& reuire %a.in a decision to not do *hat $ou 6ee& &i.e doin un&ess it arees *ith 9ods *i&&= +ou *i&& ha3e to sa$ no to $ourse&6 uite o6ten! and that is d$in to se&6=G P&ease re%e%"er that *ise choices %a$ *e&& ha3e nothin to do *ith 6ee&ins= +ou %a$ or %a$ not 6ee& &i.e doin the riht thin= +ou can 6ee& *ron and sti&& do *hat is riht= I can *ant to do *hat is riht and *hat is *ron at the sa%e ti%e= It is not a&*a$s eas$ to choose to do *hat is riht! "ut it is easier than choosin the *ron thin and oin throuh the %iser$ I 6ee& a6ter*ard= I %a$ 6ee& &i.e poutin and 6ee&in sorr$ 6or %$se&6 a&& da$ i6 I dont et %$ *a$ a"out so%ethin! "ut throuh Christ I can choose to ha3e a ood attitude and trust 9od to et %e *hate3er )e *ants %e to
ha3e at the ti%e= Da3e o*ned a rare! hihper6or%ance car 6or a nu%"er o6 $ears! and I tried on nu%erous occasions to et hi% to se&& it= )e stead6ast&$ re6used! *hich at ti%es %ade %e uite anr$= )e rare&$ dro3e the car! "ut *e paid insurance 6ees and persona& propert$ ta>es $ear&$= We e3en had repair e>penses= )e said he *as *i&&in to se&& it! "ut he *anted uite a "it %ore %one$ 6or it than an$one *as *i&&in to pa$= It cost %one$ to ha3e it @ust sit in the arae! and it 6rustrated %e terri"&$= Wh$ *ou&d he *ant a car he rare&$ e3er dro3e *hen *e cou&d se&& it and use the %one$ 6or so%ethin e&se' E3en i6 *e didnt et the price Da3e *anted! at &east *e cou&d stop spendin %one$ on it A6ter a"out 6our $ears o6 &ettin it irritate %e on and o66! I 6ina&&$ pra$ed and a3e the entire situation to 9od and decided that e3en i6 Da3e .ept the car unti& *e *ere "oth dead! it *asnt *orth &ettin the e%otion o6 aner contro& %e= Another t*o $ears *ent "$! and then one niht our son Dan ca&&ed and said! I thin. Dad shou&d se&& his car= A6ter a&&! he ne3er dri3es it=G I said! )e *ont se&& it "ecause he *ants %ore %one$ 6or it than its *orth! "ut I *ou&d "e %ore than happ$ to *atch $ou tr$ to ta&. hi% into it=G I a3e the phone to Da3e! and *ithin &ess than a %inute he said! +es! I aree? &ets se&& it= A6ter a&&! I dont dri3e it %uch an$*a$=G A%aJin Wh$ *ou&dnt he &isten to %e' It rea&&$ *asnt a"out %e= It *as a"out Da3e and *hen he *as read$ to %a.e the decision to se&& his car=
I cou&d ha3e otten anr$ "ecause he didnt sa$ $es to %e "ut areed *ith our son *hen he said the sa%e thin Id "een sa$in 6or $ears= But I .no* that 9od has ti%in 6or e3er$thin! and its usua&&$ not our ti%in= I *as anr$ on and o66 6or se3era& $ears! "ut once I a3e the situation to 9od! I had peace *hi&e 9od con3inced Da3e to se&& the car= Notice that I said 9od con3inced Da3e= )e used %$ son! "ut 9od *as "ehind it= 9od *as actua&&$ ans*erin %$ pra$er! "ut )e did it in )is o*n *a$ and ti%in= Kuite o6ten Christians are carna&= The$ "e&ie3e in 9od and ha3e recei3ed ;esus as their Sa3ior! "ut their *ho&e &i3es appear to re3o&3e &are&$ around the i%pu&ses o6 e%otion= The sooner *e &earn that 6ee&ins are 6ic.&e! the "etter o66 *e are= Fee&ins are o6ten unre&ia"&e and not to "e trusted *hi&e %a.in 6ina& decisions= It is nice i6 *e ha3e 6ee&ins to support us *hen *e are ta.in action! "ut *e can do *hat is riht *ith or *ithout the 6ue& o6 6ee&ins= +ou %a$ ha3e a ha"it o6 6o&&o*in $our 6ee&ins in order to sta$ happ$ and co%6orta"&e! "ut $ou can a&so 6or% ne* ha"its= For% a ha"it o6 en@o$in ood e%otions! "ut dont &et the% contro& $ou= I &o3e a state%ent Watch%an Nee %ade: As e%otion pu&sates! the %ind "eco%es decei3ed and conscience is denied its standard o6 @ud%ent=G Re%e%"er the *o%an *ho "eca%e e%otiona&&$ attracted to the %an *ho *as not her hus"and' She .ne* deep inside that her actions *ere *ron! "ut her e%otions
*ere pu&satin! and the de3i& used her %ind thouhts and reasonin to decei3e her= The 3oice o6 her conscience *as dro*ned out "$ her o*n sou& dri3en thouhts and 6ee&ins= Let %e state aain that *antin to do *hat is riht *hi&e *antin to do *hat is *ron at the sa%e ti%e is not a&ien to an$ o6 us= We a&& 6iht the sa%e "att&es! "ut I *ant $ou to %a.e a decision riht no* that *ith 9ods he&p $ou are oin to *in the *ar= Decision and con6ession: I 6o&&o* 9ods princip&es! not e%otions? there6ore! I a% a *inner in &i6e=
C)APTER # Wh$ A% I So E%otiona&' We a&& ha3e da$s *hen *e 6ee& %ore e%otiona& than other da$s! and there %a$ "e %an$ reasons *h$= Perhaps $ou didnt s&eep *e&& the niht "e6ore! or $ou ate so%ethin that &o*ered $our "&ood suar or that $ou *ere a&&eric to= The occasiona& e%otiona& da$ is so%ethin *e dont ha3e to "e too concerned a"out= I6 Da3e has a da$ &i.e that! he ne3er tries to 6iure it out= )e si%p&$ sa$s! This too sha&& pass=G So%eti%es *e 6ee& e%otiona& "ecause so%ethin upset us the da$ "e6ore and *e didnt reso&3e it= We are o6ten ui&t$ o6 stu66in thins do*n inside us rather than dea&in *ith the%= I6 $ou are a person *ho a3oids con6rontation! $ou can ha3e a sou& 6u&& o6 unreso&3ed issues that need c&osure "e6ore e%otiona& *ho&eness *i&& co%e= I re%e%"er a niht *hen I *as una"&e to s&eep! *hich is unusua& 6or %e= Fina&&$! around 6i3e in the %ornin! I as.ed 9od *hat *as *ron *ith %e= I%%ediate&$ I reca&&ed a situation 6ro% the da$ "e6ore= I had "een rude to so%eone and instead o6 apo&oiJin to the% and as.in 9od to 6ori3e %e! I rushed throuh the situation and on to the ne>t thin I needed to do= O"3ious&$! %$ *ron conduct *as irritatin %$ spirit! e3en thouh %$ conscious %ind had "uried it= As soon as I as.ed 9od to 6ori3e %e and %ade a decision to apo&oiJe to the
person! I *as a"&e to o to s&eep= I6 $ou 6ee& unusua&&$ sad or as i6 $ou are carr$in a hea3$ "urden $ou dont understand! as. 9od *hat is *ron "e6ore $ou start assu%in thins= It is a%aJin *hat *e can &earn "$ si%p&$ as.in 9od 6or an ans*er and "ein *i&&in to 6ace an$ truth )e %iht re3ea& a"out us or our "eha3ior= So%eti%es *e 6ee& e%otiona& "ecause o6 so%ethin so%eone has done to us or an unp&easant circu%stance in our &i3es= But at other ti%es *e 6ee& that *a$ "ecause o6 so%ethin *e did *ron and inored= -hen I kept silence silenc e #before I confessed$, m" bones wasted awa" awa" through m" groaning all a ll the da" long. (Psalm )/:) acing Issues
I6 so%eone has a &on histor$ o6 outo6"a&ance outo6"a&ance e%otiona& "eha3ior! the$ %a$ ha3e %an$ issues the$ need to 6ace! perhaps e3en &onstandin pro"&e%s that o as 6ar "ac. as chi&dhood= ;esus a3e us the 6irst princip&e to re%e%"er concernin concernin sta"&e e%otiona& hea&th *hen )e said! +ou *i&& .no* the Truth! and the Truth *i&& set $ou 6reeG ;ohn 5:(#= Without con6rontation o6 pain6u& issues 6ro% the past! it is i%possi"&e to o 6or*ard *ith a hea&th$ sou&= -$ 6ather se>ua&&$ a"used %e! and once I
rea&iJed no one *as oin to he&p %e! I decided that I *ou&d sur3i3e unti& I *as eihteen and cou&d &ea3e ho%e! *hich I did= I &e6t and thouht the pro"&e% *as o3er! "ut it too. another thirteen $ears to rea&iJe that the pro"&e% *as sti&& in %$ sou&= It *as a66ectin %$ persona&it$ and ho* I dea&t *ith e3er$one and e3er$thin in %$ &i6e= I had to "ein %$ @ourne$ o6 hea&in "$ "ein *i&&in to &oo. at the pro"&e% inside %e rather than "&a%in a&& %$ pro"&e%s on so%eone e&se= I e3en had to stop "&a%in the% on %$ 6ather and a&& the peop&e *ho had not he&ped %e= E3en thouh *hat the$ did to %e or didnt do to he&p *as the source o6 %$ pro"&e% and the reason *h$ %$ "eha3ior *as e%otiona&&$ erratic rather than sta"&e! I had to ta.e responsi"i&it$ 6or the chanes that needed to "e %ade in %e= A&*a$s re%e%"er that "&a%in does no ood! and it does not he&p $ou en@o$ 6reedo% and *ho&eness= 9od *anted to he&p %e! "ut I had to as. )i% to do so and "e *i&&in to &et the *onder6u& )o&$ Spirit *a&. %e throuh se3era& $ears o6 hea&in= 9ods Word is the truth that e3entua&&$ set %e 6ree 6ro% the pain o6 %$ past and a3e %e e%otiona& sta"i&it$= I pra$ that the ter% e%otiona& sta"i&it$G sounds *onder6u& to $ou and that $ou *i&& "e&ie3e $ou can ha3e it and "e un*i&&in to do *ithout it= I e3entua&&$ &earned that hurtin peop&e hurt peop&e= And once I rea&iJed that %$ 6ather hurt %e "ecause he *as sic. inside! I *as a"&e to 6ori3e hi%= I
&earned that *hat happened to %e did not ha3e to de6ine *ho I *as= -$ past cou&d not contro& %$ 6uture un&ess I a&&o*ed it to= I &earned that I *as 6i&&ed *ith sha%e 6ro% the past and *as partia&&$ "&a%in %$se&6! "ut *hat happened to %e *as not %$ 6au&t= 9ui&t *as %$ constant co%panion! as *e&& as 6ear and *orr$= I su66ered 6ro% %an$ other sou& sic.nesses as *e&&! "ut the point is that each o6 the% had to "e 6aced *ith 9ods he&p! he&p! and as the$ *ere! hea&in ca%e in each area= Picture se3era& di66erentco&ored shoestrins tied toether in .nots! each one representin a di66erent pro"&e% in $our &i6e= I6 $ou handed the% to so%eone and said! P&ease untie this %ess!G it *ou&d ta.e a*hi&e "ecause the strins *ou&d ha3e to "e *or.ed on one at a ti%e= I ha3e a nec.&ace that is %ade up o6 se3era& thin chains *ith crosses hanin o66 the% at di66erent p&aces! and it tends to et 3er$ tan&ed *hen it is not "ein *orn= Each ti%e I decide to *ear it! I ha3e to e>ercise patience to et it untan&ed= The Bi"&e sa$s that the pro%ises o6 9od are rea&iJed throuh 6aith and patience see )e"= 18:(2= +ou can reco3er 6ro% $our past pain! 6ro% thins that ha3e "een done to $ou and %ista.es that $ou ha3e %ade! "ut it *i&& reuire an in3est%ent o6 ti%e on $our part= +ou can either continue to in3est in $our %iser$! or $ou can "ein to in3est in $our hea&in +ou +ou *i&& in3est in3est in so%ethin so%ethin as $ou &i3e &i3e $our &i6e! &i6e! so %a.e sure it is so%ethin that *i&& pa$ di3idends $ou *i&& en@o$= en@o$=
Thousands o6 ti%es in %$ &i6e I as.ed! Wh$ do I 6ee& this *a$'G "ut I *as not doin an$thin a"out it= I *as %ere&$ con6used and acted out %$ 6ee&ins rather than tr$in to et an$ .ind o6 he&p= The *or&d is 6i&&ed *ith peop&e *ho do this a&& the ti%e! and the$ are tr$in to interact *ith one another in re&ationships re&ationships that either dont *or. at a&& or are 3er$ d$s6unctiona& at "est= It is possi"&e to understand so%e o6 the reasons *h$ *e 6ee& the *a$ *e do! "ut the %ost i%portant thin is 6or us to stop de6endin our "ad "eha3ior= We %ust surrender a&& e>cuses "ecause as &on as *e use the past to %anipu&ate peop&e and situations! *e *i&& ne3er "e 6ree 6ro% it= I 6reuent&$ used %$ past as an e>cuse 6or "ad "eha3ior! "ut I had to co%e to a p&ace *here I *as *i&&in to con6ront and dea& *ith past issues proper&$ in order to ha3e chane= One o6 the *a$s 9od tauht %e to dea& *ith the past *as "$ con6essin )is pro%ises instead o6 ta&.in a"out ho* I 6e&t= I re%e%"er one ti%e standin in 6ront o6 the %irror and sa$in so%ethin &i.e this out &oud: -$ parents did not rea&&$ &o3e %e! and the$ ne3er *i&& si%p&$ "ecause the$ dont .no* ho* to= But 9od does &o3e %e! and I do not ha3e to spend %$ &i6e %ournin o3er so%ethin I cant do an$thin a"out= I *i&& not *aste %$ &i6e tr$in to et so%ethin 6ro% %$ parents that the$ *i&& ne3er .no* ho* to i3e %e= The 6act that the$ a"used %e *as not %$ 6au&t= I *as *as a 3icti%! "ut I *i&& not re%ain one= I *i&& "e hea&th$ e%otiona&&$ and *ho&e in %$ sou&= 9od is
he&pin %e! and e3er$ da$ I a% %a.in proress=G We a&& ha3e pain6u& issues 6ro% the past that *e %ust rapp&e *ith= The$ *erent our 6au&t! and it isnt 6air that *e shou&d su66er "ecause o6 other peop&es "eha3ior= Perhaps $ou *ere teased %erci&ess&$ as a chi&d and sti&& 6ee& insecure or e>tra sensiti3e sensiti3e "ecause o6 that o&d pain= -a$"e so%eone $ou &o3ed &e6t $ou *ithout e>p&anation= Whate3er the source o6 $our pain! 9od &o3es $ou= +ou dont ha3e to spend $our &i6e %ournin o3er so%ethin $ou cant do an$thin a"out 9od *i&& he&p $ou )es *aitin to he&p $ou= on2t et 3tuck In 4 5oment
+our +our 6uture has no roo% 6or $our past! past! and I encourae $ou not to et stuc. in a %o%ent or a ti%e 6ra%e in $our &i6e that is o3er= -i&&ions o6 peop&e %iss toda$ "ecause either the$ re6use to &et o o6 the past or the$ *orr$ a"out the 6uture= The thins that happened to %e or to %i&&ions o6 others in &i6e are un6ortunate to sa$ the &east= Such a"uses are pain6u& and the$ do a66ect us! "ut *e can reco3er= 9od is a Redee%er and a Restorer= )e pro%ises to restore our sou&s! and )e *i&&i6 *e in3ite )i% in and cooperate *ith )is hea&in process in our &i3es= he !ord is m" 3hepherd #to feed, guide, and shield me$, I shall not lack. 6e makes me lie down in #fresh, tender$ green pastures' 6e leads me
beside the still and restful waters. 6e refreshes and restores m" life (m" (m" self' self ' 6e leads me in the paths of righteousness #uprightness and right standing with 6im7not for m" earning it, but$ for 6is name2s sake. (Psalm /):1*)
When this Psa&% sa$s that )e %a.es us &ie do*n and &eads us "eside sti&& and rest6u& *aters! it re%inds %e o6 our co%in to the p&ace *here *e 6ina&&$ stop runnin 6ro% the past and si%p&$ %a.e a decision to 6ace it and recei3e hea&in= We spend ti%e *ith 9od in )is Word and presence! &earnin that )e has o66ered us a ne* &i6e! one that is 6i&&ed *ith *ho&eness 6or our spirits! %inds! *i&&s! and e%otions= When the sou& is hea&th$ and restored! it "rins ph$sica& hea&th to us too= -an$ sic.nesses and diseases toda$ are the resu&t o6 interna& stress= No %atter ho* %an$ doctors *e see or ho* %uch %edicine *e ta.e! *e %a$ "e on&$ dea&in *ith s$%pto%s rather than ettin to the root o6 the pro"&e%= It 8ust Isn2t air
Sad&$! the *or&d is 6i&&ed *ith in@ustices= Peop&e o to prison 6or thins the$ did not do= One o6 %$ unc&es spent t*ent$ $ears in prison 6or a cri%e he did not co%%it= )is *i6e! *ho did co%%it the cri%e! con6essed riht "e6ore she died! and he *as re&eased=
But sad&$! "$ then he had tu"ercu&osis and &i3ed on&$ a 6e* %ore $ears= I re%e%"er that %$ unc&e *as a&*a$s a 3er$ .ind %an and see%ed to ha3e no "itterness at a&& a"out that reat in@ustice= I "e&ie3e his di66icu&t &i6e! &i3ed *ith an attitude o6 6ori3eness! a3e 9od %ore &or$ than so%eone *ho has a reat &i6e "ut is ne3er content= Our su66erin does not p&ease 9od! "ut *hen *e ha3e a ood attitude in the %idst o6 su66erin! it does p&ease and &ori6$ )i%= )a3in a ood attitude *hi&e *e are *aitin 6or 9od to "rin @ustice into our &i3es %a.es the *aitin ti%e %ore "eara"&e= Chi&dren die! spouses die! hus"ands and *i3es *i3es are so%eti%es un6aith6u&! and *i3es are "attered= We 6ace issues o6 ho%e&essness! star3ation! natura& disasters! and %an$ other unspea.a"&e in@ustices= But in the %idst o6 it a&&! ;esus is "eauti6u& and )e is a 9od *ho "rins @ustice= Li6e isnt 6air! "ut 9od is= )e hea&s the "ro.enhearted and their *ounds and "ruises= We %a$ not .no* *h$ thins happen the *a$ the$ do! "ut *e can .no* 9od= We can .no* )is &o3e! 6ori3eness! and %erc$= When *e are sad and e%otiona&&$ distrauht! one o6 the 3er$ si%p&e $et pro6ound thins that he&ps is this: to &oo. at and "e than.6u& 6or the ood thins *e do ha3e! rather than d*e&&in on the in@ustices *e3e su66ered= +ou %iht thin.! I3e heard that a thousand ti%es But are $ou doin it' Mno*&ede *ithout action is use&ess= -an$ peop&e are treated un@ust&$? the$ do not deser3e the pain the$ e>perience! "ut I a% so &ad
that e3en *hen I o throuh u&$! pain6u& thins! I do ha3e ;esus in %$ &i6e to he&p and strenthen %e= Throuh )is uidance *e can "e "urned "ut not "eco%e "itter= When *e are hurt *e *i&& ha3e e%otions a"out it= We %a$ 6ee& anr$! 6rustrated! discouraed! or depressed! "ut *e do not ha3e to &et an$ o6 those 6ee&ins contro& us= We can %anae our e%otions *ith 9ods he&p= When *e are hurtin e%otiona&&$! it is eas$ to thin. *e *i&& ne3er reco3er= But once aain! I encourae $ou not to et stuc. in a %o%ent in ti%e= Perhaps $ou did not ha3e a ood start in &i6e! "ut I pro%ise $ou that $ou can ha3e a ood 6inish= )ope *i&& re&ease @o$ into $our &i6e= It is ne3er too &ate to "ein aain= Let o o6 the past and ta.e a step into the ood &i6e that 9od sent )is Son! ;esus! to purchase 6or $ou= 6ow 5uch of 5" ehavior Is 8ust 5" Personalit"
Peop&e tend to "e 3er$ di66erent 6ro% one another in ho* the$ act and respond to particu&ar situations= This has "een studied in depth! and 6our "asic persona&it$ t$pes ha3e "een identi6ied= So%e peop&e ha3e a persona&it$ that is %ore e%otiona& than others? this roup is ca&&ed sanuine= Sanuine peop&e are cheer6u&&$ opti%istic! and the$ are the &i6e o6 the part$! ta&.ati3e and passionate= The$ tend not to "e as natura&&$ discip&ined and oraniJed as so%e o6 the other persona&it$ t$pes= The$ dont %ere&$ 6ee& and e>press e>cite%ent? the$ are passionate&$
e>cited and enthusiastic! especia&&$ a"out thins the$ en@o$= The other three persona&it$ t$pes are cho&eric! ph&e%atic! and %e&ancho&$= Whi&e *e a&& possess e&e%ents o6 %ore than one o6 these persona&it$ t$pes! %ost peop&e ha3e a do%inant t$pe that is pre3a&ent in their persona&it$= No *onder its hard 6or a&& o6 us di66erent peop&e to tr$ to et a&on toether The cho&eric or t$pe A person is stron in his approach to &i6e= We %iht sa$ he does e3er$thin *ith a "an )e is de6inite and e%phatic a"out *hat he *ants= When cho&erics %a.e %ista.es! the$ are usua&&$ &oud %ista.es= The$ %a.e uic. decisions! are con6ident! and are "orn to &ead= The$ *ant to contro& and ha3e a tendenc$ to "e "oss$= The$ are oa&oriented and 6ind 3a&ue in acco%p&ish%ent= The cho&eric person can et a &ot done in &i6e! "ut he can a&so &ea3e a trai& o6 *ounded peop&e a&on the *a$= Than.6u&&$! 9od can use our strenths and he&p us discip&ine our *ea.nesses i6 *e i3e )i% contro&= We can &earn to ha3e Spiritcontro&&ed te%pera%ents= In case $ou ha3e not a&read$ rea&iJed it! I a% a stron cho&eric= Da3e is %ain&$ ph&e%atic= )e is %ore eas$oin and not e%otiona& at a&&= )e is 3er$ &oica&! *hich is not on&$ a trait o6 his persona&it$ t$pe! "ut a trait that is inherent in %ost %en= Da3e is 3er$ patient and can *ait 6ore3er 6or thins to happen= )e ne3er *orries? he is ne3er tor%ented "$ ui&t= There are a 6e*
thins in &i6e! &i.e his o&6 and 6oot"a&& a%es and not ta.in 3acations in co&d p&aces! that he is 3er$ de6inite a"out! "ut %ost&$ he is areea"&e to *hate3er I *ant to do= As he sa$s hi%se&6! he is adapta"&e= It is interestin to note that 6reuent&$ a cho&eric %arries a ph&e%atic= The$ are opposites! opposites! "ut each has so%ethin the other needs= Then *e ha3e the %e&ancho&$ peop&e= The$ are creati3e! ta&ented! and hih&$ oraniJed= The$ need a p&an The$ &o3e &ists So%e o6 the% tend to "e easi&$ depressed and discouraed= discouraed= The$ need &ots o6 encourae%ent! especia&&$ a"out their acco%p&ish%ents= Kuite o6ten a %e&ancho&$ person *i&& %arr$ a sanuine and the *ar is on unti& the$ &earn the art o6 "&endin and "ene6itin 6ro% each others strenths *hi&e "ein &onsu66erin *ith the *ea.nesses= Cho&eric peop&e are o6ten irritated "$ the "u""&$ sanuine "ecause the$ ha3e thins to acco%p&ish and are 3er$ serious a"out their oa&s= The sanuine has a oa& to en@o$ &i6e and ha3e 6un= Sanuine peop&e are a "it rando% and dont do *e&& *ith schedu&es= I6 the$ %ade a &ist at a&&! the$ pro"a"&$ *ou&d not .no* *here it *as i6 the$ needed it= An e%p&o$ee and ood 6riend o6 %ine is a *onder6u&! "u""&$ sanuine person= She a&so happens to "e %$ hairst$&ist! and *hen she is doin %$ hair! in 6ort$ 6i3e %inutes I 6ind out a"out a&& o6 her neih"ors! their pets! sic.nesses! and auto%o"i&es= I &earn a"out
*hat she sa* on the *a$ to *or. and et a 6u&& *eather and tra66ic report= I .no* ho* %uch po&&en is in the air= I6 I as. 6or a receipt she has! she pu&&s a *ad o6 stu66 out o6 her purse and "eins to ru%%ae throuh it= So%eti%es she 6inds the receipt? o6ten she doesnt= She ta&.s and ta&.s and &auhs! and e3entua&&$ I te&& her I ha3e had enouh and she *i&& "e uiet 6or a 6e* %inutesand %inutesand then she starts a&& o3er aain= But I &o3e and en@o$ her We are di66erent! "ut *e need each other= She .eeps %e 6ro% "ein so intense! and I .eep her 6ro% "ein danerous&$ danerous&$ disoraniJed= disoraniJed= She has a phone! "ut I a% a% surprised *hen she ans*ers it! *hi&e I on the other hand ta.e %ine *ith %e to the "athroo%= Bein around a sanuine person 6or too &on can et on %$ ner3es! "ut I a% sure that I et on their ner3es too= too= Deep %e&ancho&ies are a "it di66icu&t 6or %ost cho&eric peop&e too= Their strenths are 3ita& to us! "ut their need 6or per6ection can "e a "it o3er*he&%in= A&& the persona&it$ t$pes ha3e strenths and *ea.nesses= As I said! %ost o6 us ha3e a "&end o6 persona&it$ traits= We ha3e one that is %ore pro%inent and a "it o6 one or %ore o6 the others= Out o6 ,8 test points! I a% (5 points cho&eric! 1 point ph&e%atic! ph&e%atic! and 1 point sanuine= -$ hus"and is ph&e%atic! ph&e%atic! cho&eric at ti%es! and a&so %e&ancho&$ *hen it co%es to his stu66 "ein .ept in order= +ou @ust dont *ant *ant to to %ess *ith Da3 Da3es es stu66= )e carries carries a "a o6 o&6 hats *hen *e tra3e&! and i6 an$one
suashes the%! *e pra$ 6or the% uic.&$ "ecause $ou @ust dont %ess *ith Da3es o&6 hats= 9o&6 hats are not i%portant to %e! "ut the$ are i%portant to hi%= Li.e*ise! there are %an$ thins that are i%portant to %e that dont %atter to hi% at a&&= We ha3e &earned to respect each others di66erences rather than stri3in to chane each other= E3er$one is "eauti6u& in their o*n *a$! and than.6u&&$ 9od i3es us the a"i&it$ to et a&on i6 *e are *i&&in to &earn a"out our di66erences and sho* rea& &o3e to one another= -hat2s ;our "pe
One o6 the %ost 3a&ua"&e thins in &i6e is to .no* $ourse&6= I6 $ou are sanuine! then @ust .no* that $ou *i&& need to "e care6u& not to &et $our e%otions &ead $our &i6e= Dont purchase thins e%otiona&&$! ta&. e%otiona&&$! eat e%otiona&&$! or %a.e serious decisions too uic.&$= Thin. a"out *hat $ou are doin "e6ore %a.in co%%it%ents and cra3e "a&ance rather than a&&o*in $our e%otions to contro& $ou= Wh$ do $ou 6ee& the *a$ $ou 6ee&' It cou&d "e $our te%pera%ent! "ut dont use it as a s an e>cuse to &et e%otions ru&e $ou= I6 $ou are cho&eric! "e cautious that $ou dont tr$ to contro& situations and peop&e= I6 $ou are %e&ancho&$! $our %ind can i3e $ou a &ot o6 trou"&e "ecause $ou
thin. a &ot and *ant e3er$thin done in a 3er$ speci6ic *a$= I6 $ou are ph&e%atic! $ou %a$ need to con6ront thins $ou *ou&d rather inore! or et up and do so%e thins around the house *hen $ou *ou&d rather @ust sit in the chair= A&& o6 us need to stri3e 6or "a&ance in a&& thins= I %entioned that persona&it$ tests re3ea& that I ha3e one point o6 the sanuine te%pera%ent! *hich %eans I tend to "e %ore serious and not 3er$ hu%orous! $et *hen I teach and preach 9ods Word! peop&e te&& %e that I a% 3er$ 6unn$= This pro3es that as *e a&&o* 9od to contro& our persona&ities! *e "eco%e %ore "a&anced= I %iht ha3e a tendenc$ to "e too serious! "ut 9od 6&o*in throuh %e %a.es %e 6unn$= I &o3e ho* 9od he&ps us in e3er$ *ea.ness i6 *e &et )i%= 5a" 6e grant "ou out of the rich treasur" of 6is glor" to be strengthened and reinforced with might" power in the inner man b" the #6ol"$ 3pirit #6imself indwelling "our innermost being and personalit"$. (
I ha3e inc&uded a &ist o6 "oo.s on the su"@ect o6 persona&ities at the "ac. o6 this "oo. in case $ou *ant to &earn %ore a"out the "asic t$pes and their strenths and *ea.nesses= Stud$in in this area has he&ped %e i%%ense&$ to et a&on *e&& *ith and appreciate peop&e o6 a&& te%pera%ents= The apost&e Pau& stated that he had &earned to "e a&&
thins to a&& peop&e= I "e&ie3e *e can &earn ho* to i3e peop&e *hat the$ need i6 *e understand the%= I a&so "e&ie3e *e can do "etter at %anain our e%otions i6 *e understand ourse&3es= -an$ o6 the ans*ers to the *h$'G uestions in &i6e are 6ound in si%p&$ understandin %ore a"out $ourse&6= Decision and con6ession: Whate3er %$ persona&it$ t$pe! I *i&& re%e%"er that I a% no* a ne* person in Christ=
C)APTER ( Te&& So%eone So%eone )o* +ou +ou Fee& We a&& ha3e an in"red desire to te&& so%eone ho* *e 6ee&! "ut te&&in the *ron person on&$ %a.es our pro"&e%s *orse= Ta&.in e>cessi3e&$ a"out a situation can easi&$ dri6t into co%p&ainin! and that is a sin= Ta.e ti%e to read the upco%in Scriptures and rea&&$ consider *hat the$ are sa$in: -e must not gratif" evil desire and indulge in immoralit" as some of them did7and twent"> three thousand #suddenl"$ fell dead in a single da"? -e -e should not tempt the !ord #tr" 6is patience, become a trial to 6im, criticall" appraise 6im, and e%ploit 6is goodness$ as some of them did7and were killed b" poisonous serpents' nor discontentedl" complain as some of them did7and were put out o ut of the wa" entirel" b" the destro"er (death. (1 @orinthians 10:A*10
These 3erses *ou&d "e 6rihtenin i6 *e did not re%e%"er that *e &i3e in the ae o6 race! and *e ha3e the a"i&it$ to repent and recei3e 6ori3eness uic.&$= But it is interestin to note *hat a serious pro"&e% co%p&ainin is considered to "e= Wh$' Because 9od is in6inite&$ ood! and )e e>pects us to re%ain than.6u& e3en in the %idst o6 di66icu&t$ o6 an$ .ind= It %a$ not "e eas$! "ut )e e>pects it
nonethe&ess= In our uest to ta&. to so%eone a"out *hat is upsettin us! *e need to "e care6u& not to %o3e into co%p&ainin or to %a.e the %ista.e o6 ta&.in to the *ron person= +ou %iht as.! Who is the riht person' I6 $ou rea&&$ @ust need to 3ent in a hea&th$ *a$ and perhaps *ant a ood 6riend to pra$ 6or $ou! then I suest choosin a trusted 6riend! 6a%i&$ %e%"er! or spiritua& &eader= Dont repeat ad nausea% ho* $ou 6ee&= ;ust e>press $our 6ee&ins and 6o&&o* up "$ re%indin $ourse&6 that 9od can hea& $ou and reso&3e $our situation= I6 $our situation is serious and $ou see% to "e at a standsti&&! consider pro6essiona& counse&in= That .ind o6 ta&.in can "e hea&th$ "ecause the counse&or *i&& tr$ to he&p $ou 6ace repressed issues that %a$ "e producin unhea&th$ e%otions in $our &i6e= Such issues can "e poisonous! and its necessar$ to *or. the% out o6 $our s$ste%= Then $ou can o on to the ood &i6e 9od *ants $ou to ha3e= I thin. so%e peop&e pa$ a counse&or 6or $ears and $ears @ust to ha3e so%eone to ta&. to= But that is not true counse&in= True counse&in he&ps $ou see and 6ace the truth! and once that occurs then the *or. o6 hea&in can "ein= Ta&.in to a counse&or can "e a ood thin! "ut ne3er 6oret that the a"so&ute "est person to ta&. to is 9od= I 6ind the Psa&%s *ritten "$ Da3id 3er$ interestin "ecause he *as not reticent a"out te&&in 9od e>act&$
ho* he 6e&t= But he a&so 6o&&o*ed up "$ statin that he *as trustin 9od to "e 6aith6u& to .eep )is pro%ises= O6ten Da3id *ou&d e3en re%ind 9od o6 so%ethin )e had pro%ised in )is Word= Lets &oo. at @ust one passae o6 Scripture as an e>a%p&e: 6ow long will ;ou forget me, B !ord orever orever 6ow long will ;ou hide ;our face from me 6ow long must I la" up cares c ares within me and have sorrow in m" heart da" after da" da" 6ow long shall m" enem" e%alt himself over me @onsider and answer me, B !ord m" od' lighten the e"es #of m" faith to behold ;our ;our face in the pitchlike darkness$, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest m" enem" sa", I have prevailed over him, and those that trouble me re&oice when I am shaken. sha ken. ut I have trusted, leaned on, and been confident in ;our ;our merc" and loving>kindness' m" heart shall re&oice and be in high spirits in ;our salvation. salvation. I will sing to the !ord, because 6e has dealt bountifull" with me. (Psalm 1):1*=
I6 I paraphrased the a"o3e in toda$s &anuae! it %iht sound so%ethin &i.e this: 9od! I a% hurtin so "ad! I 6ee& &i.e I a% oin to die= )o* &on *i&& +ou *ait "e6ore +ou do so%ethin 6or %e' Do +ou *ant %$ ene%ies to sa$ that the$3e *on' 9od! I ha3e trusted in +ou and *i&& continue to do so= Let %e see +our +our 6ace e3en e3en in the %idst %idst o6 %$ %$ trou"&e so so I can "e encouraed= I 6ee& &ous$! 9od! "ut I *i&& re@oice and
ha3e a ood attitude "ecause o6 +our sa&3ation and +our +our pro%ises pro%ises o6 &o3e &o3e and %erc$= %erc$= I *i&& sin sin to +ou +ou "ecause +ou are ood=G This one Psa&% descri"es the princip&e I a% presentin in this "oo.= We dont ha3e to den$ that our e%otions e>ist! "ut *e %ust not &et the% contro& us= Our e%otions dont need to contro& our decisions= We cannot a&*a$s a&*a$s chane the *a$ *a$ *e 6ee&! "ut *e can choose *hat *e *i&& do in e3er$ situation= We can trust 9od to &e3e& out our e%otions *hi&e *e %a.e riht choices= I "e&ie3e it *as spiritua&&$ and e3en ph$sica&&$ hea&th$ 6or Da3id to e>press to 9od ho* he rea&&$ 6e&t= It *as a *a$ o6 re&easin his neati3e 6ee&ins so the$ cou&d not har% his inner %an *hi&e he *as *aitin 6or 9ods de&i3erance= I3e noticed that Da3id 6reuent&$ said ho* he 6e&t or *hat his circu%stances circu%stances *ere and then he said! But I *i&& trust 9od= I *i&& praise 9od! *ho he&ps %e=G I *ou&d ne3er suest that $ou stu66 $our 6ee&ins inside and @ust &et the% eat a*a$ at $ou= -$ purpose is not to encourae $ou to "e phon$ and @ust pretend that e3er$thin is 6ine *hi&e $ou are seethin *ith aner inside or 6ee& so discouraed that $ou thin. $ou %iht e>p&ode= Peop&e *ho repress pain and ne3er &earn to dea& *ith it proper&$ e3entua&&$ either e>p&ode or i%p&ode! and neither one is a ood choice= We dont *ant to den$ the e>istence o6 e%otions! "ut *e can den$ the% the riht to ru&e o3er us=
-$ purpose is to et $ou to e>press $ourse&6 honest&$ to 9od or to a person 9od *ants to use! and to et $ou to e>press $ourse&6 in a od&$ *a$ *a$= I *ant *ant to teach $ou to o*n $our e%otions rather than &ettin the% o*n $ou= 3omething 3tinks
)a3e $ou e3er opened the re6rierator door to an odor that %ade $ou sa$! So%ethin in here stin.sG' I% sure %ost o6 us ha3e had that e>perience! and *hen that happens *e .no* i6 *e dont 6ind *hat the source o6 the pro"&e% is! it is @ust oin to et *orse= Not too &on ao! I had co66ee *ith a 6riend and *as surprised to hear so%e o6 the thins she *as sa$in a"out her church= She e>pressed discontent *ith se3era& thins! thins! and she did so in a critica& and @ud%enta& @ud%enta& %anner= %anner= I &e6t that da$ da$ thin.in! So%ethin isnt riht in her heart= I heard @ea&ous$! discontent%ent! criticis%! and "itterness= She *as discussin the *orship depart%ent o6 the church! and it *as o"3ious to %e that she *as o66ended that she had "een passed o3er 6or the position o6 *orship &eader= I tried to et her to see that her attitude *as not ood! "ut she *asnt read$ to "e sorr$ 6or the *a$ she *as actin= I .no* 6or a 6act that she ta&.ed to se3era& other peop&e and ended up spreadin her critica& attitude onto the%= I *as a*are that her attitude stan. and *ou&d on&$ et *orse un&ess she c&eaned it
up= Se3era& %onths &ater she ended up 6a&&in into deep sin= The door 6or the sin %a$ *e&& ha3e "een opened in her &i6e throuh a *ron attitude to*ard others= )er stin. "eca%e an in6ection that caused 3er$ serious pro"&e%s= The *ho&e thin cou&d ha3e "een a3oided i6 she had ta&.ed to 9od instead o6 others= She *as not ta&.in to %e or an$one e&se to enuine&$ et he&p! she *as si%p&$ co%p&ainin= And *e3e a&read$ seen 9ods attitude to*ard that= I6 she had one to 9od as Da3id did! she %iht ha3e said so%ethin &i.e this: 9od! I a% 6ee&in anr$ "ecause I *as passed o3er 6or the position o6 *orship &eader= I %ust ad%it! Lord! that I 6ee& @ea&ous and I thin. this *as un6air= But I *i&& put %$ trust in +ou= True pro%otion co%es 6ro% +ou! and I "e&ie3e that i6 +ou *ant %e in that position! +ou can sure&$ put %e there= Whi&e I a% *aitin 6or +ou! I *i&& praise +ou and support the tea% that has "een se&ected=G B$ hand&in it that *a$! she cou&d ha3e e>pressed herse&6 honest&$! $et %aintained spiritua& interit$ and rihteousness= She cou&d ha3e %anaed her e%otions instead o6 &ettin the% %anae her= When $ou 6ee& do tired at niht! it %a$ "e "ecause $ou3e ro*&ed a&& da$ da$ &on= /n.no*n 3ing 4wa" the lues
I read an interestin stor$ in a "oo. tit&ed Chi&d o6 the ;un&e= A %issionar$ and a nd his 6a%i&$ &i3ed a%on the Fa$u tri"e in Ne* 9uinea= The %issionar$s dauhter! Sa"ine! *rote this: When *e 6irst %o3ed to the Fa$u! *e *ondered *hether the$ .ne* an$ sons! since *e ne3er heard the% sinin= This uestion *as ans*ered 6air&$ uic.&$= We had @ust returned 6ro% Danau Bira! and our thins had once aain "een sto&en= As *e *ere cata&ouin cata&ouin our &osses! *e heard sinin 6ro% the other side o6 the ri3er= It *as Na.ire sinin in a &o3e&$ %onotone= Ohhhhhhh!G he san= The Fa$u are &i.e "irds= Ohhhh! the$ a&*a$s ta.e 6ro% the sa%e tree= Ohhhh! such "ad peop&e= Ohhhh! poor M&ausu! poor Doriso= The$ are so sad and *onder *here their stu66 is= OhhhG Papa *as de&ihted as it "eca%e c&ear to us that the Fa$u si%p&$ i%pro3ise a son to %atch their situation= The sons on&$ consist o6 three notes *ith *hich the$ e>press *hate3er the$ are 6ee&in in the %o%ent= It is not the %ost sophisticated %usic! "ut it is a sound I uic.&$ ca%e to &o3e= Their use o6 sons to e>press the%se&3es %a$ "e one o6 the reasons the Fa$u do not see% to su66er 6ro% depression or other ps$cho&oica& disorders= Fee&ins are i%%ediate&$ e>pressed= There are e3en ti%es set aside 6or the re&ease o6 e%otions! 6or e>a%p&e! the
%ournin son= When the son o6 %ournin runs its course! the rie3in tru&$ is 6inished! and &i6e resu%es as nor%a&= When a person e>perienced a trau%atic e3ent! he %iht &ie 6or *ee.s in his hut! not sa$in a *ord "ut sinin 6or hours at a ti%e= Durin this period! other c&an %e%"ers *ou&d pro3ide hi% *ith 6ood= Then one da$! he *ou&d si%p&$ et up *ith the trau%a "ehind hi%= C&eansed o6 pain! he *ou&d s%i&in&$ resu%e his e3er$da$ tas.s= What i6 *e started %a.in up our o*n sons' Ohhhh! I a% so %isera"&e "ecause %$ hus"and &ost his @o" and I dont .no* *hat *e are oin to do= Ohhhh! I dont understand *h$ %$ 6riends are "&essed and I see% to a&*a$s ha3e trou"&e= Ohhhh! *hen *i&& %$ circu%stances chane' I 6ee& &i.e runnin a*a$ 6ro% it a&&= Ohhhh! $es! I 6ee& &i.e runnin a*a$=G A6ter hearin %e preach this in a se%inar! a ir& on our sta66 %ade up a son a"out her sinuses= It *ent so%ethin &i.e this: Ohhhh! I a% so tired o6 %$ sinuses "ein stu66ed up= I @ust *ant to "reathe? $es! I *ant to "reathe *ith ease= It doesnt see% 6air that I a% a&&eric to the space I &i3e in= Ohhhh! it @ust isnt 6air=G I a% sure $ou et the point= It %iht he&p to sin out $our true 6ee&ins! "ut a&*a$s te&& 9od that $ou are trustin in )i% to %a.e *ron thins riht=
This is the sa%e princip&e that Da3id practiced= The Psa&%s are a&& sons? the$ are *ords set to %usic= And the$ *ere Da3ids *a$ o6 e>pressin hi%se&6 honest&$ to 9od= We are encouraed in the Bi"&e to sin unto 9od a ne* son see Psa&% 72:1= Perhaps part o6 those ne* sons that *e %a.e up shou&d "e an honest e>pression o6 ho* *e 6ee&= In 3entin our e%otions proper&$! *e %iht a3oid &ots o6 ps$cho&oica& pro"&e%s! the sa%e *a$ the Fa$u tri"e did= Bur Plastic 3ociet"
Do $ou e3er 6ee& that *e &i3e in a p&astic societ$' We use p&astic cards to %a.e purchases! *hich pro3ides the i&&usion that *e o*n *hat *e ha3e purchased and "rouht ho%e! "ut the truth is that as &on as there is a "a&ance on the p&astic credit card! it o*ns us= Credit cards are eas$ to use! "ut *hen the "i&&s co%e! *e are o6ten a%aJed that *e spent so %uch and the i&&usion *e had disappears= disappears= We o6ten appear to o*n *hat *e rea&&$ dont= -an$ o6 us *or. at @o"s *e hate si%p&$ "ecause the$ i3e us tit&es and a 6ee&in o6 i%portance= We can undero p&astic surer$ or &iposuction! ha3e our hair co&ored! or *ear hair e>tensions or *is= With an un&i%ited "udet! *e cou&d do @ust a"out an$thin *e *anted to a&ter our appearance= We can put on a p&astic s%i&e and te&& the *or&d *e are 6ine *hi&e inside *e
are 6a&&in apart= Its a&& an i&&usion= When *e as. peop&e ho* the$ are! the ans*er is usua&&$ Fine!G "ut the person %iht actua&&$ "e 6rea.ed out! insecure! neurotic! and erratic= As Christians *e o6ten "e&ie3e that *e shou&d 6ee& "etter than *e do! or that it is *ron to 6ee& the *a$ *e do! so *e hide our 6ee&ins 6ro% e3er$one= So%eti%es *e tr$ to hide the *a$ *e rea&&$ 6ee& 6ro% our o*n se&3es= We pretend to ha3e 6aith *hi&e *ere 6u&& o6 dou"t= We pretend to "e happ$ *hi&e *e are %isera"&e? and *e pretend to "e in contro& and ha3e it a&& toether! "ut at ho%e "ehind c&osed doors! *e are tota&&$ di66erent peop&e= We dont *ant to ad%it that *e are &i3in phon$ &i3es so *e sta$ "us$ enouh that *e ne3er ha3e to dea& *ith thins as the$ rea&&$ are= We %a$ e3en "ur$ ourse&3es in church *or. or spiritua& acti3it$ as a *a$ o6 hidin 6ro% 9od= )e is tr$in to sho* us truth! "ut *e *ou&d rather *or. 6or )i% than &isten to )i%= 9od @ust *ants us to "e honest and rea&= Dont 6a&& into the trap o6 thin.in a&& $our 6ee&ins are *ron= Bein a person o6 6aith does not %ean $ou *i&& ne3er ha3e neati3e or unod&$ 6ee&ins= We *i&& e>perience 6ee&ins that need to "e dea&t *ith! "ut *e can a&*a$s e>ercise our 6aith in 9od and as. )i% to he&p us not to a&&o* our 6ee&ins to contro& us= The Bi"&e sa$s *e &i3e "$ 6aith and not "$ siht see # Cor= 0:4= That %eans *e dont %a.e decisions "ased on *hat *e see or 6ee&! "ut accordin to our 6aith in 9od and )is pro%ises to us= I dont thin. *hat *e 6ee& is a
sin as &on as *e are ta&.in to 9od a"out it and securin )is strenth to choose to act on )is Word and not on ho* *e 6ee&= The Bi"&e sa$s to "e anr$ and sin not= That &itera&&$ %eans $ou can 6ee& anr$ a"out an in@ustice! "ut i6 $ou dea& *ith it proper&$ then it *i&& not "eco%e sin see Eph= ,:#2= The truth %a.es us 6ree= We are to dea& tru&$! &i3e tru&$! and a"o3e a&& "e truth6u& *ith 9od and ourse&3es= The Bi"&e a&so sa$s that *e are to re@ect a&& 6a&sit$? "e done *ith it and &et e3er$one e>press truth *ith his neih"or see Eph= ,:#0= I dont thin. that %eans *e shou&d spi&& our uts to e3er$one *e %eet a"out e3er$thin *e 6ee& and ha3e done in &i6e! "ut *e cannot ha3e p&astic re&ationships that are "ui&t on pretense= Decision and con6ession: I *i&& "e authentic and truth6u& in %$ *a&. *ith 9od and %$ 6e&&o* hu%an "eins=
C)APTER , Our Secrets -a.e /s Sic. I reca&& a ti%e *hen I had *or.ed so hard 6or such a &on period! and had "een around so %an$ peop&e a&& *antin a piece o6 %e! that I dro3e "$ %$ o*n o66ice headuarters and stuc. %$ tonue out at it= At that point I didnt e3en *ant to hear the na%e ;o$ce -e$er= I *anted to o rocer$ shoppin and "a.e a ca.e or s*eep a 6&oor= I *anted to do an$thin that *ou&d i3e %e a 6ee&in o6 "ein @ust a person= I had &et %$se&6 et out o6 "a&ance "$ tr$in to "e thereG 6or peop&e too %uch! and I *as deterioratin e%otiona&&$ 6ro% the stress= But a6ter a ti%e o6 rest and a chane o6 pace! I *as *ho&e and read$ to o to *or. aain= I thin. a &ot o6 peop&e! and especia&&$ those in the pu"&ic e$e! can easi&$ de3e&op a ha"it o6 &i3in a dou"&e &i6e= The$ tr$ to "e *hat e3er$one *ants the% to "e and $et deep inside the$ *ant pri3ac$ and the 6reedo% to @ust "e the%se&3es= The truth is that the$ *ant "oth= The$ &o3e *hat the$ are doin? the$ are "orn to &ead or act or sin or teach! "ut the$ need "a&ance= I6 the$ den$ their o*n needs and &i3e @ust to p&ease other peop&e! the$ *i&& e3entua&&$ "eco%e d$s6unctiona& in so%e *a$ *a$= I &o3e peop&e= I &o3e to "e *ith the% and "e there 6or
the%= But no %atter ho* %uch *e en@o$ *hat *e do! 6ro% ti%e to ti%e *e need a "rea. and a chane o6 pace= One o6 the reasons *e 6ee& unhapp$ or upset at ti%es is si%p&$ "ecause *e are dri3en "$ a need to p&ease e3er$one and "e accepted "$ the%= We shou&d not &et peop&e %anipu&ate us= We cannot &et their e>pectations contro& us= It is a%aJin ho* %uch *e 6ear "ein tota&&$ honest *ith peop&e= E3en *hen I decided to share %$ &itt&e stor$ a"out stic.in %$ tonue out at %$ o*n o66ice headuarters! I 6ound %$se&6 *onderin i6 I cou&d "e that honest and not disappoint peop&e= I decided to "e&ie3e that %$ readers are %ature enouh to rea&iJe that a&thouh I tru&$ &o3e *hat I do! there are ti%es *hen I et tired and @ust p&ain *ant to re&a> and ha3e ti%e to %$se&6= One o6 %$ chi&dren had a particu&ar&$ di66icu&t ti%e "ein the PM preachers .id= I as.ed hi% *hen he *as o&der *hat the %ost di66icu&t thin *as 6or hi%! and a6ter i3in it so%e serious thouht! he said! Peop&es e>pectations=G e>pectations=G )e to&d %e that peop&e a&*a$s e>pected that he shou&d not "e a nor%a& .id *ho %ade %ista.es &i.e an$ other .id= The$ e>pected %ore "ecause he *as %$ son= I6 he ta&.ed out in c&ass! a teacher %iht sa$! I *ou&d e>pect %ore o6 ;o$ce -e$ers son=G )o* 6oo&ish that teacher *as to put that .ind o6 pressure on hi%= E3en thouh he *as %$ son! he sti&& had to ro* up and &earn @ust as an$ other chi&d *ou&d= Peop&es e>pectations can o6ten "e e>tre%e&$ unrea&istic! and i6 *e a&&o* the% to! the$ *i&&
pressure us terri"&$= Dont de3e&op a p&astic &i6e and "e 6i&&ed *ith secrets that are %a.in $ou sic. @ust to %eet peop&es e>pectations= Li3e honest&$ and tru&$! and 9od *i&& i3e $ou the riht 6riends *ho *i&& encourae $ou to "e rea& and enuine= In an e66ort to "e honest! a *o%an once said to %e! I @ust 6e&t I needed to to co%e c&ean and te&& $ou that that I ha3e not &i.ed $ou 6or $ears! and I ha3e ossiped a"out $ou and *ou&d &i.e $ou to 6ori3e %e=G I 6ora3e her! "ut *hat she did *as 6oo&ish= She c&eansed her conscience at the e>pense o6 du%pin her pro"&e% on %e= No* I had to dea& *ith it and resist *onderin *h$ she didnt &i.e %e! *hat she had said a"out %e! and to *ho% she had spo.en= That is not the .ind o6 honest$ 9od is ta&.in a"out= There are so%e thins that *e shou&d .eep to ourse&3es out ou t o6 *isdo%= *isd o%= We do *ant to &i3e tru&$! tru&$! "ut the Bi"&e does te&& us to spea. the truth in &o3e= I3e o6ten *ondered *hat .ind o6 &o3e %ade her share her secret *ith %e= There are so%e thins $ou shou&d .eep "et*een $ou and 9od! "ut so%e thins %ust "e "rouht out into the open= I .no* a Christian %an *ho had an a66air *ith another *o%an= When he decided that he didnt *ant to &ea3e his *i6e 6or the *o%an! he a&so decided that he *as not oin to te&& his *i6e a"out the a66air= )is *i6e had .no*n 6or uite so%e ti%e that so%ethin *as *ron and had e3en as.ed hi% repeated&$ i6 he *as seein another *o%an= There *as no *a$ the$ cou&d "ui&d a hea&th$ re&ationship
on &ies= I to&d hi% that he had to "e tota&&$ honest *ith her and pra$ that she *ou&d 6ind the race to 6ori3e hi% and tr$ to re"ui&d the %arriae= I6 he tried to o 6or*ard i%"edded in deception! he *ou&d &i.e&$ end up doin the sa%e thin aain= What *e hide sti&& has authorit$ o3er us and creates 6ear= )is pro"&e% sti&& had to "e dea&t *ith= )e needed counse&in to 6ind out *h$ he had "een un6aith6u& to his *i6e= The %an cou&d not inore the situation and dea& *ith it at the sa%e ti%e= That *as a secret that *ou&d ha3e %ade hi% and his %arriae sic.= I ha3e an e>a%p&e 6ro% %$ o*n &i6e that %a$ "e he&p6u&= When I *as t*ent$ $ears o&d! and that has "een a &on ti%e ao! I sto&e %one$ 6ro% a co%pan$ I *or.ed 6or= The %an I *as %arried to at the ti%e *as a pett$ thie6! and he con3inced %e to *rite so%e pa$ro&& chec.s since I *as the pa$ro&& c&er.! and *e *ou&d cash the% and uic.&$ et out o6 to*n= I a% not "&a%in hi% "ecause I shou&d ha3e said no! "ut there are ti%es in &i6e *hen *e &et peop&e *e &o3e ta&. us into thins that o aainst our consciences= When *e do! it a&*a$s ends up "ad= We did cash the chec.s and &ea3e to*n! "ut e3entua&&$ *e ca%e "ac.! and sure enouh there *as an onoin in3estiation a"out the sto&en %one$= I *as uestioned! to&d %ore &ies! and escaped "ein accused o6 the cri%e= -$ hus"and cheated on %e *ith other *o%en! sto&e propert$! and e3entua&&$
*as arrested and *ent to prison= We ot a di3orce and %an$ $ears &ater! %arried to so%eone e&se and a"out to enter the %inistr$! I .ne* that I had to o to the co%pan$ Id sto&en 6ro%! ad%it %$ the6t! and pa$ "ac. the %one$= Wo* What i6 the$ had %e arrested' I *as so 6rihtened! "ut I .ne* I had to o"e$ 9od= I cou&d not o 6or*ard unti& that thin 6ro% %$ past *as con6ronted= I *ent to the co%pan$ and e>p&ained *hat I had done and that I *as no* a Christian and *anted to as. their 6ori3eness and pa$ "ac. the %one$= The$ racious&$ &et %e do so! and I *as set 6ree 6ro% the nain 6ear that so%eda$ I %iht et cauht= I a% con3inced that i6 I had not o"e$ed 9od! I *ou&d not "e in %inistr$ toda$= 9od is *i&&in to 6ori3e us 6or an$thin! "ut *e %ust con6ess it and %a.e restitution *here3er possi"&e= I6 9od te&&s $ou to "rin so%ethin out into the open or con6ront a situation 6ro% $our past! "e o"edient to )i%= )e is &ettin $ou .no* this issue is ho&din $ou "ac. 6ro% )is "est 6or $ou= A&*a$s pra$ a"out *hen and ho* to con6ront thins! especia&&$ thins that ha3e "een "uried a &on ti%e= Re%e%"er! e%otiona& sta"i&it$ co%es throuh &earnin to &i3e truth6u&&$= Perhaps a6ter readin this! $ou 6ee& that so%ethin hidden inside $ou is poisonin $our &i6e and $ou *ant to con6ront it "ut are not sure i6 it *ou&d "e "est 6or e3er$one concerned= I suest that $ou 6irst pra$! and i6 $ou are sti&& not c&ear on *hat action to
ta.e! spea. to a spiritua& &eader *ho% $ou trust or a counse&or to et so%e ad3ice= As I %entioned ear&ier! *e a&*a$s *ant to spea. the truth in &o3e! and *e *ant our sharin to "rin c&osure! not create %ore *ounds= on2t ;ou are ell
It *ou&d "e a%aJin to .no* ho* %an$ peop&e in our societ$ are %enta&&$! ph$sica&&$! or e%otiona&&$ sic. 6ro% carr$in around secrets "uried inside that are eatin a*a$ at the% &i.e a cancer= I6 $ou are one o6 those peop&e! p&ease start ta&.in to 9od! and either )e *i&& co%p&ete&$ re&ie3e $our "urden or )e *i&& &ead $ou in *hat to do ne>t= It is danerous to %ere&$ inore thins that need to "e dea&t *ith= 9ods *i&& 6or a&& o6 us is *ho&eness= It is not &i3in *ith our sou&s 6u&& o6 ho&es and *atchin our &i3es &ea. out da$ a6ter da$= Brinin hidden thins out into the open is ad%itted&$ di66icu&t at ti%es! "ut it is %uch %ore di66icu&t to .eep the% hidden and &i3e in the 6ear o6 "ein disco3ered= +ou %iht need to ta&. to a trusted spiritua& &eader! &eader! a &o3in 6a%i&$ %e%"er or 6riend! or a counse&or= 9od *i&& direct $our steps i6 $ou *i&& o to )i% and te&& )i% $ou are 6u&&$ *i&&in to stop &ettin secrets %a.e $ou sic.= )a3in an inti%ate re&ationship *ith 9od %eans that $ou can and shou&d ta&. to )i% open&$ and honest&$ a"out an$thin and e3er$thin= The %ore $ou ta&. to 9od! the "etter o66 $ou are=
Durin the $ears I *as "ein a"used! I ta&.ed to 9od= E3en thouh it *as in %$ o*n chi&dish *a$ and not 3er$ po&ished! the point *as that I cou&d not ta&. to an$one e&se= But I did ta&. to 9od! and I "e&ie3e it ot %e throuh those di66icu&t $ears= One reason *e 6ind it so di66icu&t to share our secrets is that it is o6ten hard to 6ind so%eone to ta&. to *ho% *e can trust= We cant contro& *hat others do! "ut *e can &earn to "e a 6aith6u& 6riend= I6 so%eone te&&s $ou so%ethin in con6idence! ne3er te&& an$one e&se= I6 the$ te&& $ou so%ethin that shoc.s or surprises $ou! do $our "est not to act shoc.ed or surprised and dont @ude the%= The purpose 6or "rinin thins out into the open is 6or restoration! not 6or criticis% and @udin= rethren, if an" person is overtaken in misconduct or sin of an" sort, "ou who are spiritual #who are responsive to and controlled b" the 3pirit$ should set him right and restore and reinstate him, without an" sense of superiorit" and with all gentleness, keeping an attentive e"e on "ourself, lest "ou should be tempted also. ear (endure, carr" one another2s burdens and troublesome moral faults, and in this wa" fulfill and observe perfectl" the law of @hrist. (alatians =:1*/
The &a* o6 Christ is &o3e= I6 a&& thins are done in &o3e! then the$ are a&*a$s hand&ed proper&$= 9od is &on
su66erin and patient! and *e shou&d stri3e to "e the *a$ *a$ )e is= i s= We We shou&d shou& d a&*a$s a&*a$s treat peop&e peop&e *ho co%e to us to share their secrets as *e *ou&d *ant to "e treated= People -ith 3ecrets
-araret had a chi&d at the ae o6 6i6teen! and her parents 6orced her to i3e the "a"$ up 6or adoption= It *as not her choice! "ut her 6a%i&$ con3inced her it *as the "est thin 6or a&& concerned= -araret re* up! ot %arried! and had 6our %ore chi&dren= She ne3er to&d an$one a"out the "a"$ ir& she had i3en a*a$ *hen she *as 6i6teen= The $ears *ent "$ and adoption &a*s chaned! a&&o*in adopted chi&dren to contact their "irth parents= One da$ -araret *as ho%e a&one and her door"e&& ran= She opened the door to a "eauti6u& $oun &ad$ *ho said she *as her dauhter= ;o$ and 6ear hit -araret at the sa%e ti%e= She reacted e%otiona&&$! and *ithout rea&&$ e3en thin.in a"out *hat she *as doin! she to&d the $oun &ad$ that she *as %ista.en and as.ed her to ne3er co%e "ac.= The ir& *ent a*a$ sad and "ro.enhearted! 6ee&in e3en %ore re@ected than "e6ore= O3er the ne>t t*o %onths! -araret "eca%e %ore and %ore %isera"&e as each da$ *ent "$= -araret had a 3ariet$ o6 hea&th pro"&e%s throuh the $ears and the doctor a&*a$s to&d her it *as stress! "ut she ne3er connected the dots "et*een the secret and the stress= She *as no* ha3in e>cruciatin headaches
and inso%nia= )er 6a%i&$ rea&iJed that so%ethin *as *ron and continued to press her 6or an ans*er= Fina&&$ -araret 6e&t &i.e she *ou&d die i6 she didnt te&& the truth! so she to&d her hus"and and chi&dren a"out the "a"$ ir&= To her surprise the$ *ere not anr$= Their on&$ disappoint%ent *as that she had ne3er trusted in their &o3e 6or her enouh to te&& the%= The chi&dren reretted that the$ had a sister the$ had ne3er seen and *anted to %eet her= -araret had .ept a secret 6or %an$ $ears that *as not necessar$ to .eep= She *as con3inced that her 6a%i&$ *ou&d re@ect her i6 the$ .ne* the truth! "ut she disco3ered that the$ &o3ed her enouh to accept her i%per6ection= The$ searched 6or and 6ound the "a"$ ir& *ho *as no* a *o%an na%ed -eredith= Than.6u&&$! she had "een adopted and raised "$ parents *ho &o3ed her 3er$ %uch= -eredith 6e&t that 9od had "een &eadin her to 6ind her "irth %other and a&thouh so%e e%otiona& hea&in *as needed! the$ a&& reco3ered and "oth 6a%i&ies "eca%e 6riends= It is a%aJin *hat 9od can do i6 i 6 *e *i&& "e honest and trust )i%= Durin the $ears I *as "ein se>ua&&$ a"used "$ %$ 6ather! he a&*a$s stressed that it had to "e a secret= It *as de6inite&$ a secret! and it ended up %a.in %e %enta&&$ and e%otiona&&$ sic.= )e said that i6 I to&d peop&e! the$ *ou&d not "e&ie3e %e and I *ou&d @ust cause trou"&e 6or e3er$one= )e assured %e there *as nothin *ron *ith *hat he *as doin! "ut that peop&e @ust *ou&dnt understand= I had not $et
&earned that i6 *e ha3e to hide so%ethin! it usua&&$ %eans so%ethin is *ron *ith it= -an$! %an$ $ears &ater *hen I 6ina&&$ did con6ront %$ 6ather! he tried to te&& %e that he did not .no* *hat he *as doin *as *ron and had no idea it *as hurtin %e= But it *as o"3ious to %e that i6 he had not .no*n it *as *ron! he *ou&dnt ha3e to&d %e to .eep it a secret= -$ %other .ne* *hat %$ 6ather *as doin "ut did not con6ront it! and the secret %ade her sic.= A6ter $ears o6 hidin 6ro% the truth "ecause she *as a6raid o6 the scanda&! she had a ner3ous "rea.do*n and had to ta.e shoc. treat%ents 6or t*o $ears= )er ner3es *ere da%aed 6ro% the trau%a o6 .eepin the secret so %an$ $ears! and she has ta.en an>iet$ %edicine e3er since= )er 6ear 6orced her to .eep a secret that %ade her sic.= I did not te&& an$one %$ secret unti& I *as near&$ t*ent$three $ears o&d! and I re%e%"er sha.in 3io&ent&$ each ti%e I tried to ta&. a"out it= It *as "uried so deep&$ in %e that it *as hard to "rin it out into the open= I *as terri"&$ a6raid o6 *hat peop&e *ou&d thin. o6 %e= I 6ound %ost peop&e to "e 3er$ co%passionate= -$ hus"and *as *onder6u&! and in &ater $ears as I to&d %$ chi&dren! the$ o6 course *ere *onder6u& too= I ha3e %et *o%en as o&d as eiht$ *ho *ere se>ua&&$ a"used and ne3er to&d an$one= )o* sad 6or the% that the$ did not .no* the 3a&ue o6 te&&in the truth= I a% sure %ost o6 the% e>isted *ith d$s6unctiona& persona&ities and had 6ear as their constant co%panion=
Sa&&$ *as a prostitute 6or se3en $ears! and durin that ti%e she had three a"ortions= It *as a &i6est$&e she sort o6 6e&& into a6ter "eco%in in3o&3ed in the dru cu&ture as a teenaer= She e3entua&&$ ot a*a$ 6ro% it and tried to do &i6e riht! "ut she see%ed to 6ai& at e3er$thin= She *as %arried and di3orced three ti%es "$ the ti%e she *as 6ort$= She had t*o chi&dren! "ut their 6athers had custod$ o6 the% "ecause Sa&&$ .ept oin "ac. to drus and a&coho&= She rea&&$ *anted to et *e&&! "ut she .ept her secrets= E3entua&&$! she had a co%p&ete %enta& and ph$sica& co&&apse! and *hi&e she *as in the hospita& she %et a *onder6u& Christian nurse *ho &ed her into a re&ationship *ith 9od= Once she rea&iJed that 9od &o3ed her and had 6ori3en her sins! she *as a"&e to "rin her secrets o6 prostitution and a"ortion out into the open= The peop&e she had hurt a&on the *a$ *ere not as *i&&in to 6ori3e as she had hoped! "ut she *as a"&e e3entua&&$ to "ein a ne* &i6e and "ui&d a ne* 6a%i&$= She continues to trust 9od 6or hea&in "et*een her and her other t*o chi&dren= These stories sho* us that secrets open the door to 6ear and *orr$= I *ant $ou to .no* that $ou do not ha3e to &i3e *ith secrets that a&&o* neati3e e%otions to contro& $ou= Our 6ee&ins are rea& and the$ are po*er6u&! po*er6u&! "ut the$ are not %ore % ore po*er6u& than 9od and truth= An$one can ha3e e%otiona& *ho&eness i6 the$ &earn the princip&es in this "oo. and put the% into action in their &i3es= A&*a$s re%e%"er that the truth *i&& %a.e $ou 6ree=
Decision and con6ession: con6ession: The truth *i&& %a.e %e 6ree=
C)APTER 0 I Wish I Didnt Fee& This Wa$ We ha3e a&& said %an$ ti%es in &i6e! I *ish I didnt 6ee& this *a$=G I6 *e cou&d @ust et *hat *e *ant "$ *ishin! &i6e *ou&d rea&&$ "e eas$! "ut it doesnt *or. that *a$= E%otions are po*er6u&! and so%eti%es *e 6ee& o3erpo*ered "$ the%= Accordin to We"sters! the root source o6 the *ord e%otion is the Latin e> %o3ere! %eanin %eanin to %o3e a*a$ a*a$=G =G And that th at is e>act&$ e >act&$ *hat e%otions do= The$ %o3e up 6ro% so%e*here deep *ithin us and then the$ %o3e out and pressure us to 6o&&o* the%= An e%otiona& person is one *ho tends to 6o&&o* her 6ee&ins %ost o6 the ti%e= E%otiona& peop&e thin.! spea.! and act accordin to 6ee&ins= 9od has a ood p&an 6or our &i3es! "ut *e do ha3e an ene%$ na%ed Satan! and his desire is that *e 6o&&o* a&& our 6ee&ins and end up in ruin= The dictionar$ a&so sa$s that an e%otion is a co%p&e>! usua&&$ stron su"@ecti3e response in3o&3in ph$sio&oica& chanes as a preparation 6or action=G E%otions dri3e us to ta.e so%e .ind o6 action= When *e e>perience intense e%otion! it is di66icu&t not to 6o&&o* our e%otions! "ut i6 *hat the$ are &eadin us to do is *ron! then *e %ust sa$ no to the%= Thin. o6 a situation that %a.es $ou i%patient and
re%e%"er ho* $ou 6ee& *hen that occurs= I6 $oure &i.e %e! $ou *ant to &ash out at so%e"od$ or so%ethin= But e>perience teaches us that *e *i&& &ater on reret %ost o6 *hat *e sa$ *hen *e are 6ee&in i%patient= The .e$ is to &earn to &i3e *ith i%patient 6ee&ins and *ait 6or the e%otions to su"side "e6ore decidin on an$ course o6 action= I recent&$ cance&ed an appoint%ent t*ent$6our hours in ad3ance! per the "usinesss cance&&ation po&ic$= On the da$ o6 the appoint%ent! a"out 6i3e %inutes a6ter the p&anned appoint%ent ti%e! I recei3ed a ca&& as.in i6 ;o$ce -e$er *as oin to .eep her appoint%ent= I stated that *e had cance&ed it! "ut the ir& on the other end o6 the phone assured %e the$ did not %a.e %ista.es &i.e that and the appoint%ent appoint%ent had not "een cance&ed= She 6urther to&d %e that the "i&& 6or their ser3ices *ou&d "e chared to %$ credit card= I de6inite&$ had e%otion rise up and start to %o3e out= I tried to use %$ nicest i%patient 3oice and to&d her that *e had cance&ed 6or sure and she *as not to chare %$ account *ith an$thin= She to&d %e once aain that *e had not cance&ed and un&ess *e cou&d pro3e that *e had! she *ou&d ha3e to "i&& %e= Since I *as read$ to e>p&ode! I to&d her that I *ou&d ha3e the person ca&& *ho had cance&ed the appoint%ent 6or %e= I a&so to&d her that I had i3en the% a &ot o6 "usiness in the past! and it *as rather 6oo&ish to te&& %e I *as not te&&in the truth a"out the cance&&ation= -$ assistant assured %e that the
appoint%ent had "een cance&ed! and a6ter t*o %ore ca&&s and spea.in to a %anaer! the situation *as straihtened straihtened out= The o66ice apo&oiJed 6or the %i> up and said the$ *ou&d not "e charin %$ account and &oo.ed 6or*ard to %$ "usiness in the 6uture= )ad I said e3er$thin to the ir& on the phone that I 6e&t &i.e sa$in! I *ou&d ha3e %ade a 6oo& o6 %$se&6= I 6e&t &i.e $e&&in at her! "ut I *as a"&e to "e uiet! ta.e a "reath! pra$! and %a.e a decision that e3en i6 I ended up ettin chared 6or the appoint%ent! I *as not oin to &ose %$ peace o3er it= I .ne* i6 the$ cheated %e! 9od *ou&d ta.e it a*a$ 6ro% the% and et it "ac. to %e! e3en i6 )e *ent throuh thousands o6 peop&e to do it= I *ou&d &i.e to sa$ that I ha3e hand&ed situations that *e&& a&& %$ &i6e! "ut I ha3ent= -an$ ti%es I ha3e *ished I *ou&d not ha3e said or done a certain thin! "ut I ha3e &earned that I can ha3e a 6ee&in that is 3er$ stron and sti&& not &et it 6orce %e to sa$ or do thins that *ou&d "e i%proper= When the e%otions o6 a situation are %ore than $ou can contro& proper&$! it is "est to et a*a$ 6ro% it! e3en i6 its on&$ 6or a 6e* %inutes= That *i&& i3e $ou ti%e to thin. and ha3e a chat *ith $ourse&6= Thouhts do a66ect e%otions! so ha3in a ta&. *ith $ourse&6 is he&p6u&= Re%e%"er a&& the other ti%es $ou ha3e "eha3ed and spo.en 6ro% e%otion and a&& the trou"&e and e%"arrass%ent it caused= Then as. $ourse&6 i6 $ou rea&&$ *ant to o around that sa%e %ountain aain=
No"od$ *i&& e3er reach a p&ace in &i6e *here the$ dont e>perience a *ide 3ariet$ o6 neati3e e%otions= I6 *e et hurt! *e 6ee& anr$= We dont 6ee& &i.e "ein around the person *ho hurt us= We 6ee& &i.e shuttin the% out o6 our &i3es= We 6ee& ui&t$ a"out %ista.es *e %a.e? *e 6ee& i%patient i6 *e are not ettin our *a$? *e 6ee& 6rustrated i6 *e are tr$in to acco%p&ish so%ethin and a&& our e66orts are th*arted= We %a$ 6ee& enthusiastic and passionate or co&d and uninterested= So%e o6 the e%otions that *e e>perience are p&easant and to "e desired! $et others are 3er$ unp&easant= eelings o ot eed Bur Permission to 3how Cp or o 4wa"
Our e%otions tend to e"" and 6&o* &i.e ocean *a3es= It *ou&d "e so nice i6 the$ *ou&d @ust as. per%ission to co%e or o! "ut the$ dont= The$ @ust do their o*n thin! and *ithout an$ *arnin= Wishin our e%otions *ere di66erent *ont chane a thin! so *e need to do %ore than *ish= We need to &earn a&& *e can a"out the% and ta.e proper action to %anae the%= I6 *e ta.e the trou"&e to o"ser3e ourse&3es! *e *i&& easi&$ percei3e ho* uic. to chane our 6ee&ins are= A re"e&&ious chi&d does a &ot o6 thins *ithout a parents per%ission! and @ust *ishin that the chi&d *ou&dnt do that *ont chane a thin= The parent %ust discip&ine the chi&d to "rin a"out chane= The
sa%e princip&e ho&ds true *ith e%otions= The$ are o6ten &i.e re"e&&ious chi&dren! and the &oner the$ are a&&o*ed to do as the$ p&ease! the %ore di66icu&t it *i&& "e to contro& the%= -$ dauhter! Sand$! Sand$! and her hus"and! hus"and! Ste3e! ha3e eiht$earo&d t*in ir&s= Ste3e and Sand$ ha3e studied parentin techniues and one thin the$ *or. *ith their chi&dren on a &ot is se&6contro&= Its interestin to *atch ho* it *or.s 6or the%= One or "oth o6 the ir&s %a$ "e "eha3in uite e%otiona&&$= The$ %iht "e anr$ or actin se&6ish! and one o6 the parents *i&& sa$! 9ir&s! &ets et so%e se&6contro&= Co%e on! &et %e see se&6contro&=G Thats the ir&s ir&s sina& to 6o&d their hands in their &aps and sit uiet&$ unti& the$ ca&% do*n and can "eha3e correct&$= It *or.s "eauti6u&&$ "eauti6u&&$ It *i&& "e easier 6or the t*ins! Ane& and Starr! to %anae their e%otions as adu&ts "ecause the$ are &earnin to do so ear&$ in &i6e= I spent the 6irst 6i6teen $ears o6 %$ &i6e in a house *here e%otions *ere 3o&ati&e! and it see%ed nor%a& to %e to &et the% ru&e= I &earned that i6 $ou didnt et *hat $ou *anted! $ou $e&&ed! arued! and sta$ed anr$ unti& $ou ot $our *a$= I &earned ho* to %anipu&ate peop&e "$ %a.in the% 6ee& ui&t$= I &earned startin at an ear&$ ae to "e e%otiona&! and it too. &ots o6 $ears to un&earn *hat I had &earned= I encourae $ou to contro& $ourse&6 and teach $our chi&dren at an ear&$ ae ho* to do the sa%e thin= I6 it is too &ate 6or that! then "ein *here $ou are no*! "ecause it is ne3er too &ate to do the riht thin=
I thin. one o6 the reasons *h$ so %an$ peop&e are e%otiona&&$ contro&&ed is si%p&$ "ecause no"od$ has e3er 6u&&$ e>p&ained to the% that their 6ee&ins are %ere&$ one part o6 their "eins and shou&d not "e a&&o*ed to "e their "oss= We ha3e to &earn ho* to "e &ed "$ the Spirit and not the sou&= I crine *hen I re%e%"er a&& the $ears I &i3ed *ithout .no*in I didnt ha3e to 6o&&o* %$ 6ee&ins= I did so %an$ un*ise thins durin those $ears= The$ *ere *asted $ears that I cannot et "ac.! "ut I can he&p others "$ teachin the% *hat I ha3e &earned= The Bi"&e sa$s in Psa&% 1:1 that *e are not to ta.e counse& 6ro% the unod&$= I "e&ie3e that ta.in ad3ice 6ro% our 6ee&ins 6its into that cateor$ and is a "i %ista.e= Fee&ins are si%p&$ 6ic.&e? the$ chane 6reuent&$ and $ou @ust cant trust the%= We can hear a ood spea.er ta&. a"out the 3o&unteers needed at church and "e so %o3ed that *e sin up to he&p! "ut that doesnt %ean *e *i&& 6ee& &i.e sho*in up *hen it is our turn to *or.= I6 *e sin up and then dont sho* up "ecause *e @ust dont 6ee& &i.e it! *e "eco%e peop&e *ithout interit$ and our actions dont honor 9od= This is a hue pro"&e% in our societ$ toda$! and I "e&ie3e it *eihs %uch hea3ier on the inner person than *e rea&iJe= When *e dont .eep our *ord! *e .no* it isnt riht= And no %atter ho* %an$ e>cuses *e %a.e! it sits in our consciences &i.e a *eiht= We %a$ %a.e an e>cuse 6or it! "ut its &i.e s*eepin dirt under the carpet= Its sti&& there! and i6 *e do it o6ten enouh! the dirt "eco%es i%possi"&e to hide=
I6 *e desire to *a&. a6ter the Spirit! a&& our actions %ust "e o3erned "$ princip&es= In the rea&% o6 the Spirit there is a precise standard o6 riht and *ron! and ho* *e 6ee& does not a&ter that standard= I6 doin the riht thin reuires a $es 6ro% us! then it %ust "e $es *hether *e 6ee& e>cited or discouraed= I6 it is no! then it is no= A princip&ed &i6e is enor%ous&$ di66erent di66erent 6ro% an e%otiona& &i6e= When an e%otiona& person 6ee&s thri&&ed or happ$! he %a$ underta.e *hat he ordinari&$ .no*s is unreasona"&e and un*ise= But *hen he 6ee&s co&d and e%otion&ess or %e&ancho&$! he *i&& not 6u&6i&& his dut$ "ecause his 6ee&ins re6use to cooperate= A&& *ho desire to "e tru&$ spiritua& %ust conduct the%se&3es dai&$ accordin to od&$ princip&es= We shou&d a&*a$s count the cost to see i6 *e ha3e *hat it ta.es to 6inish a thin "e6ore *e "ein it= I6 *e "ein and 6ind *e cannot 6inish! then *e de6inite&$ need to co%%unicate open&$ and honest&$ *ith a&& parties in3o&3ed= E3en i6 $ou ha3e to ca&& so%eone and sa$! I co%%itted to that *ithout rea&&$ thin.in a"out it proper&$! and no* I 6ind I cannot co%p&ete it!G that is %uch "etter than @ust tr$in to inore a co%%it%ent si%p&$ "ecause $ou dont 6ee& &i.e 6u&6i&&in it= Our e%otions *i&& he&p us co%%it! "ut an$one *ho 6inishes a&*a$s co%es to a p&ace *here she has to press on *ithout 6ee&ins to support her=
on2t !et ;our
Learn not to as. $ourse&6 ho* $ou 6ee& a"out thins! "ut instead as. $ourse&6 i6 doin or not doin so%ethin is riht 6or $ou= +ou %a$ .no* that $ou need to do so%ethin! "ut $ou dont 6ee& &i.e doin it at a&&= +ou can *ish $ou 6e&t &i.e it! "ut as *e discussed a&read$! *ishin does no ood= +ou %ust &i3e "$ princip&e and si%p&$ choose to do *hat $ou .no* is riht= There %a$ "e a certain thin $ou *ant to do "ad&$= It %iht "e a purchase $ou *ant to %a.e that $ou .no* is too e>pensi3e= +our 6ee&ins 3ote $es! "ut $our heart sa$s no= Te&& $our 6ee&ins the$ dont et to 3ote= The$ are too i%%ature to 3ote and *i&& ne3er 3ote 6or *hat is "est 6or $ou in the &on run= We dont a&&o* peop&e to 3ote in po&itica& e&ections unti& the$ are eihteen "ecause *e assu%e the$ *ou&d "e too i%%ature to .no* *hat the$ *ere doin= Wh$ not &oo. at $our e%otions the sa%e *a$' The$ ha3e a&*a$s "een a part o6 $ou! "ut the$ are 3er$ i%%ature= The$ are *ithout *isdo% and a nd cannot "e trusted to do the riht thin! so @ust dont &et the% 3ote= We %ature "ut our e%otions dont! and i6 the$ are &e6t unchec.ed! our &i3es *i&& "e a series o6 un6inished and disappointin 3entures= Peop&e 6reuent&$ as. %e ho* I 6ee& a"out tra3e&in so %uch in %$ %inistr$= I ha3e si%p&$ &earned to sa$! I dont as. %$se&6=G I6 I as.ed %$se&6 too o6ten! I *ou&d 6ind that I dont &i.e it %uch and %iht "e
te%pted to stop doin so%ethin I "e&ie3e 9od *ants %e to do= So%eone as.ed %e a 6e* %onths ao i6 I *as e>cited a"out an upco%in trip to A6rica and I said! I ha3e so%ethin "etter than e>cite%ent: I a% co%%itted=G I didnt 6ee& e>cited a"out oin "ecause I3e "een there se3era& ti%es and I .no* ho* I *i&& 6ee& *hen I return ho%e a6ter "ein in an airp&ane 6or %an$ hours= But I do .no* that I a% ca&&ed "$ 9od to he&p the peop&e! and in order to do that I ha3e to tra3e&= So I a% &ed not "$ e>cite%ent or the &ac. o6 itI @ust o I a% 6u&6i&&ed and satis6ied in .no*in that I ha3e o"e$ed 9od and he&ped other peop&e= When tra3e&in *as ne* to %e! it *as 3er$ e>citin! "ut %ost thins *e do 6reuent&$ are no &oner e>citin to us= )o*e3er! the &oss o6 the e%otion o6 e>cite%ent does not %ean *e are not supposed to do those thins an$%ore= -here2s the hrill
I *onder ho* %an$ %i&&ions o6 peop&e thin.! I @ust dont 6ee& the *a$ I once did a"out %$ hus"and or *i6e= I *ish I sti&& 6e&t e>cited a"out our %arriae that the ro%antic 6ee&ins *ou&d co%e "ac.= ;ust a re%inder: *ishin does no ood? on&$ action chanes thins= I6 $ou dont 6ee& $ou are ettin an$thin out o6 $our %arriae! perhaps $ou are not puttin enouh into it= I sa$ that on&$ "ecause that *as *hat 9od to&d %e once *hen I *as co%p&ainin a"out *hat I 6e&t I *asnt ettin 6ro% Da3e= What 9od said
*as not *hat I *anted to hear! "ut it *as true= )e said! ;o$ce! i6 $ou *ant %ore out o6 $our %arriae! put %ore into it= I %a$ not ha3e &i.ed hearin that! "ut I .ne* )e *as riht= We usua&&$ i3e our spouses the responsi"i&it$ o6 %a.in us happ$ rather than &i3in to %a.e the% happ$= In the process! neither one ends up happ$= But $ou can chane that I6 $ou *ant $our %arriae or an$ other re&ationship to i%pro3e! @ust start doin %ore o6 the riht thin $ourse&6= Dont ha3e unrea&istic e>pectations= ReconiJe the 6ee&ins $ou had in the ear&$ da$s o6 $our re&ationship 6or *hat the$ *ere= The$ *ere 6ee&ins no %ore! no &ess@ust &ess@ust 6ee&ins 6ee&ins When I %arried Da3e! I didnt e3en .no* *hat &o3e *as! and %$ e%otions *ere so d$s6unctiona& that *hate3er I did 6ee& cou&dnt ha3e "een trusted to te&& %e an$thin= I %arried Da3e "ecause he as.ed %e to! and I .ne* he *as a ood %an= )e did e>cite %e "ecause he *as and is 3er$ ood&oo.in= )e *as a&so an a%ateur "od$"ui&der and had %usc&es e3er$*here= I &i.ed the *a$ I 6e&t *hen he .issed %e= )e had a car and I didnt ha3e one= )e had %one$ and I didnt ha3e an$! so there *ere &ots o6 thins to e>cite %e= We ha3e "een %arried 6ort$6our $ears no*! and I can sa$ *ithout an$ hesitation that I sincere&$ and de6inite&$ &o3e Da3e= I dont a&*a$s 6ee& e>cited *hen he co%es ho%e! %$ heart doesnt pound *hen he .isses %e! "ut I tru&$ do &o3e hi%=
No %atter *hat happens! I a% co%%itted to Da3e= That is &o3e Lo3e is not a %ere 6ee&in= It is a decision a"out ho* *e *i&& "eha3e and treat peop&e= Lo3e can produce 6ee&ins! and I a% not sa$in that 6ee&ins arent en@o$a"&e! "ecause i6 the$ are ood ones! the$re 3er$ en@o$a"&e But I a% sa$in that 6ee&ins cannot "e depended upon and the$ dont a&*a$s te&& the truth= A *o%an to&d %e recent&$ that she &o3ed another %an and did not &o3e her hus"and an$%ore= I a% tr$in to et her to understand that e3en i6 she chooses the other %an! her 6ee&ins to*ard hi% *i&& e3entua&&$ chane too= Then she&& "e &e6t *ith no ood 6ee&ins! and &ots o6 neati3e 6ee&ins o6 ui&t! sha%e! and 6ai&ure= I6 the %an she has 6ee&ins 6or is *i&&in to cheat on his *i6e! then he is &i.e&$ to cheat on her a&so= )is character is not too ad%ira"&e! i6 $ou as. %e= On the other hand! her hus"and is *i&&in to 6ori3e her and *ants the %arriae to *or.= That a&one sho*s %e that he does ha3e character "ecause he is *i&&in to set aside his o*n *ounded 6ee&ins and disappoint%ent in order to sa3e his %arriae= The *o%an in uestion 6ee&s she can ne3er "e happ$ *ithout the other %an! "ut I .no* 6or a 6act! 6ro% the Word o6 9od and &i6es e>periences! she *i&& ne3er "e happ$ *ith hi% either= Once the e>cite%ent o6 ha3in the 6or"idden 6ruit *ears o66! the %iser$ *i&& "ein=
;ust &oo. at at Ada% Ada% and E3e in the arden= Satan %ade the 6ruit &oo. &i.e so%ethin E3e @ust cou&d not pass up= She had to ha3e it! and I a% sure it e>cited her to thin. a"out *hat she thouht it *ou&d "rin her= Satan said that i6 she ate it! she *ou&d "e &i.e 9od But the %o%ent she ate and a3e the 6ruit to Ada% and he ate! the$ "oth &ost so%ethin the$ ne3er ot "ac.= The$ *ere asha%ed and 6e&t ui&t$ and the$ hid 6ro% 9od= Doin the *ron thin! no %atter ho* e>cited it %a.es us 6ee&! a"so&ute&$ cannot produce &astin @o$= I ure a&& %$ readers to choose no* *hat $ou *i&& "e happ$ *ith &ater on= -a.e decisions "ased not on e>cite%ent or the &ac. o6 it! "ut on 9ods princip&es= The nature o6 the 6&esh is to *ant *hat it thin.s it cannot ha3e! "ut once it has *hat it thouht it *anted! the cra3in starts a&& o3er aain= The one *ord that the 6&esh screa%s the &oudest is %ore! and no %atter ho* %uch it has! it is sti&& ne3er satis6ied= -ost o6 us %a.e a &ot o6 %ista.es "e6ore *e 6ind this out! so I hope $ou ha3e a&read$ e>perienced enouh in &i6e to "e a"&e to sa$! A%en! ;o$ce= I .no* that is riht=G But i6 $ou ha3ent had enouh e>perience o6 $our o*n! then p&ease &isten to %e and a3oid a &ot o6 pain in &i6e= Decision and con6ession: When I need to %a.e a decision! I *ont &et %$ e%otions 3ote=
C)APTER 2 Do +ou )a3e A Pu&se' We ha3e "een ta&.in %ain&$ a"out peop&e *ho ha3e &ots o6 6ee&ins and &i3e "$ the%! "ut ha3e $ou e3er %et so%eone and thouht! Do $ou e3en ha3e a pu&se' There are peop&e *ho dont see% to 6ee& %uch o6 an$thin= In so%e *a$s &i6e is easier 6or the%! "ut co&d e%otion %ust "e contro&&ed the sa%e as e>cessi3e e%otion= The t*o %ain pro"&e%s I see *ith peop&e *hose e%otions are %ini%a& are 1 the$ %a$ not acco%p&ish %uch in &i6e un&ess the$ &earn not to &et their &ac. o6 stron 6ee&ins contro& the%! and # the$ can "e du&& to &i3e *ith= ;ust as the e%otiona& person %ust &earn to &i3e "$ princip&e rather than e%otion! the e%otion&ess person %ust do the sa%e= Whether *e ha3e too %uch or too &itt&e e%otion! *e cannot &i3e accordin to it= So%e peop&e %a$ "e e%otiona&&$ co&d "ecause the$3e "een hurt in &i6e and ha3e "eco%e hardened and desensitiJed= The$ dont *ant to 6ee& "ecause the$ &earned ear&$ on that 6ee&in is o6ten pain6u&= The$ ha3e de3e&oped *a$s to den$ or turn o66 their 6ee&ins= -an$ o6 these peop&e ha3e addicti3e "eha3iors= I recent&$ *atched a te&e3ision sho* a"out a *o%an *ho *as a hoarder= She a"so&ute&$ cou&d not et rid o6 an$thin= )er stu66 %ade her 6ee& secure= This addiction *as destro$in her 6a%i&$ and
her &i6e! so she souht pro6essiona& counse&in= The oa& o6 a&& counse&in is to et to the root pro"&e% that is causin the e>cessi3e "eha3ior! and the$ disco3ered *hat hers *as= Durin her chi&dhood $ears! her 6ather had a @o" that reuired her 6a%i&$ to %o3e a&%ost $ear&$= Each ti%e the$ %o3ed! she &ost her 6riends and had to &ea3e "ehind %ost o6 her possessions that she had "eco%e attached to= She re%e%"ered one particu&ar&$ particu&ar&$ pain6u& e>perience! e>perience! *atchin her 6ather "urn so%e o6 the to$s and possessions she *as 3er$ 6ond o6= )er 6ather shou&d ha3e "een %ore sensiti3e to her reaction to ho* he hand&ed the %o3es! "ut he *asnt= )e cou&d ha3e a&&o*ed her to .eep a 6e* o6 the thins that *ere the %ost i%portant to her! "ut sad&$! a &ot o6 adu&ts thin. on&$ o6 the%se&3es *hen %a.in decisions that a66ect the entire 6a%i&$! and the$ &ea3e a trai& o6 *rec.ed and *ounded peop&e "ehind the%= As an adu&t! she associated ettin rid o6 an$thin *ith pain and unp&easant %e%ories! so she si%p&$ he&d on to e3er$thin= )er entire ho%e &oo.ed &i.e one iant trash can= She *as addicted to stu66 and used that addiction to contro& 6ee&ins o6 pain connected to &oss= As she "ean to c&ean out her house *ith her 6a%i&$ %e%"ers and counse&ors and et rid o6 a &ot o6 her possessions! she 6e&t a &ot o6 e%otiona& pain= But she a&so en@o$ed the 6ee&in o6 6reedo% she *as e>periencin= She understood that her hea&in *ou&d not co%e o3erniht or easi&$! "ut she *as deter%ined to o3erco%e her addiction= I a% happ$ 6or that *o%an "ecause I &o3e to see peop&e
con6ront their pro"&e%s! tear do*n *a&&s o6 "ondae! and &earn to en@o$ 6reedo%= I suest that $ou stop riht no* and as. $ourse&6 i6 $ou ha3e an$ se&6%ade *a&&s that need to co%e do*n in $our o*n &i6e= -an$ peop&e *ho see% to "e co&d and e%otion&ess ha3e %ere&$ de3e&oped *a$s to nu%" their pain= The$ %a$ ha3e "eco%e %asters at iso&ation= The$ 6ee& sa6e on&$ *hen the$ are not in3o&3ed *ith an$one= A6ter a&&! the$ cannot et into trou"&e or 6ace re@ection i6 the$ do nothin and sa$ nothin= In %$ case! I had "een hurt so %uch in %$ chi&dhood that I "eca%e a contro& 6rea. in order to .eep peop&e 6ro% hurtin %e= I thouht i6 I sta$ed in contro& I *ou&d "e sa6e= A *onder6u& Bi"&e teacher and author na%ed Lisa Be3ere *rote a "oo. ca&&ed Out o6 Contro& and Lo3in It= I &i.e that tit&e! and I i%%ediate&$ .ne* *hen I sa* it *hat Lisa *as tr$in to con3e$= When *e 6ee& *e %ust contro& e3er$thin and e3er$one! *e are usua&&$ stressed stressed to the %a> a&& a && the ti%e= A6ter a&&! runnin the entire *or&d is hard *or.= But i6 *e &earn to contro& ourse&3es rather than tr$in to contro& other peop&e! *e *i&& %ore easi&$ &o3e and en@o$ &i6e= Peop&e *ho dont e>hi"it %uch e%otion need hea&in @ust as e>cessi3 e>cessi3e&$ e&$ e%otiona& peop&e peop&e do= An$ti%e An$ti%e *e disco3er disco3er that *e are out o6 "a&ance in an area o6 &i6e! *e need to con6ront it and *or. *ith the )o&$ Spirit to "rin it into "a&ance= I6 one is too e%otiona&! she needs to "e &ess so? and i6 one is e%otion&ess! he needs to stir hi%se&6 up a "it= I6 a person ta&.s too
%uch! she needs to &earn ho* to "e uiet= But i6 so%eone is too uiet! he needs to &earn to %a.e con3ersation 6or the sa.e o6 re&ationship and a *e&& "a&anced socia& &i6e= Peop&e *ho ha3e "een hurt o6ten "ui&d *a&&s that the$ hide "ehind to protect the%se&3es= But I ha3e &earned in &i6e that i6 I *a&& others out! I a&so *a&& %$se&6 in! and I &ose %$ 6reedo%= I a% a stron "e&ie3er in tearin do*n unhea&th$ *a&&s and &ettin 9od "eco%e our *a&& o6 protection= Diolence shall no more be heard in "our land, nor devastation devastation or destruction destructio n within "our borders, but "ou shall call c all "our walls 3alvation 3alvation and "our gates Praise. (Isaiah =0:1A
This "eauti6u& scripture "rins us a *onder6u& pro%ise= Sa&3ation throuh ;esus "eco%es our *a&& o6 protection= We no &oner need to &i3e &i3es 6u&& o6 3io&ence! de3astation! and destruction= Another scripture te&&s us that i6 *e dont ha3e se&6 contro&! *e are &i.e a "ro.endo*n cit$ *ithout *a&&s see Pro3= #0:#5= So no %atter ho* %an$ *a&&s *e thin. *e are "ui&din to protect ourse&3es! i6 *e do not %aintain "a&anced e%otions! a&& our *a&&s are %ere i&&usions and not *a&&s that protect us at a&&= The *a&&s *e "ui&d around us to .eep sadness out a&so .eep out the @o$= @o$= ;i% Rohn
hat2s 8ust the -a" I 4m
So%e peop&e are uiet! sh$! and %ore &aid"ac. si%p&$ "ecause o6 their persona&it$= I a% a ta&.er and %$ hus"and is not! and there is nothin *ron *ith either o6 us= But *hen an$thin "eco%es e>cessi3e to the point that it is hinderin our 6reedo% or hurtin other peop&e! *e cannot sa$! Thats @ust the *a$ I a%=G Da3e needs to ta&. to %e %ore than he %iht pre6er to at ti%es "ecause thats *hat I need! and &o3e reuires that *e %a.e sacri6ices 6or the sa.e o6 other peop&e= There are a&so ti%es *hen I *ou&d &i.e to ratt&e on and on in con3ersation! "ut I notice that Da3e isnt rea&&$ en@o$in it so I decide to "e uiet or I o 6ind so%eone e&se to ta&. to= We %ust *or. *ith 9od to 6ind the "a&ance "et*een "ein *ho *e are and not e>cusin rude or un&o3in "eha3ior "$ sa$in! That is @ust the *a$ I a%=G 9od is in the "usiness o6 chanin us into )is i%ae! and that %eans )e he&ps us contro& our *ea.nesses and )e uses our strenths= Da3e and I ha3e 3er$ di66erent persona&ities! and $et *e et a&on a &on 6a"u&ous&$= 6a"u&ous&$= It *as not a&*a$s a&*a$s that *a$ *a$! "ut *e3e &earned to "e *hat the other needs and $et not o so 6ar that *e &ose our o*n 6reedo%= I tr$ to %eet Da3es needs and he does the sa%e thin 6or %e= Da3e &i.es thins that I dont en@o$! "ut I sti&& encourae hi% to do the% so he can 6ee& 6u&6i&&ed!
and he treats %e the sa%e *a$= When a 6riend or spouse needs $ou to adapt in so%e area to %a.e the re&ationship "etter! it is 6oo&ish and se&6ish to sa$! Sorr$! that is @ust the *a$ I a%=G We %a$ "e %ore co%6orta"&e and 6ind it easier to do *hat *e 6ee& &i.e doin! "ut *e can %a.e ad@ust%ents and sti&& not &ose our indi3idua&it$= The apost&e Pau& said that he &earned to "e a&& thins to a&& peop&e in an e66ort to *in the% to Christ see 1 Cor= 7:17##= In other *ords! he adapted to his surroundins rather than e>pectin e3er$thin and e3er$one to adapt to hi%= I a% sure his decision a&&o*ed hi% to en@o$ a &ot o6 peace and a3e hi% %an$ %ore 6riends= We can %a.e ourse&3es 3er$ %isera"&e and ha3e stress6i&&ed &i3es "$ ne3er "ein *i&&in to chane or adapt= We are a&& di66erent! "ut *e can et a&on peace6u&&$= As I %entioned ear&ier! %$ hus"ands persona&it$ is %ain&$ ph&e%atic! and %ine is cho&eric= Those persona&ities are opposites! "ut *e co%p&e%ent each other *hen *e *a&. in &o3e= I %a.e decisions 3er$ uic.&$ and Da3e tends to *ant to thin. a"out thins a &on ti%e= I 6&o* %ore out o6 instinct! "ut he uses %ore &oic and reason= The truth is that *e need "oth in order to %a.e consistent&$ ood decisions! so 9od i3es each o6 us a part o6 *hat is needed and *ants us to &ean on each other and *or. toether= I ha3e otten "etter at *aitin o3er the $ears "ut *i&& ne3er "e as natura&&$ ood at it as Da3e is= Cho&eric peop&e do e3er$thin uic.&$! and ph&e%atic peop&e
do thins %ore s&o*&$ and de&i"erate&$= I can c&ean up the .itchen uic.er than Da3e can! "ut he *i&& do it "etter "ecause hes %ore precise in *hat he does= We ha3e t*ent$ peop&e in our i%%ediate 6a%i&$= That inc&udes Da3e and %e! our 6our chi&dren and their spouses! and ten randchi&dren= We are c&ose and spend a &ot o6 ti%e toether! $et *e ha3e a *ide 3ariet$ o6 persona&ities a%on the t*ent$ o6 us= -$ t*o sons and I are 6u&&on 6u&& on cho&eric! and a&& three o6 us are %arried to *onder6u& ph&e%atic peop&e= One o6 our dauhters is ph&e%atic! as *e&& as t*o sonsin &a* and one randson= O6 course other 6a%i&$ %e%"ers possess e3en di66erent "&ends o6 persona&it$= One dauhter is %e&ancho&$! sanuine! and cho&eric= -$ point is that *e ha3e uite a 3ariet$ o6 peop&e *ho a&& a && 3ie* thins di66erent&$ and need di66erent thins to sense 6u&6i&&%ent= -$ dauhter *ho is %e&ancho&$ reuires co%p&i%ents 6ro% her ph&e%atic hus"and! *ho 6reuent&$ 6orets to i3e the%= )e thin.s she is "eauti6u& "ut %iht not e3en thin. to %a.e the e66ort to sa$ so= The$ ha3e discussed this se3era& ti%es! and he 6ina&&$ started %a.in re%inder notes on his ca&endar= ca&endar= The %ore &aid"ac.! e%otion&ess person needs to 6ind *a$s to re%ind hi%se&6 to do *hat needs to "e done= There ha3e "een p&ent$ o6 ti%es in %$ &i6e *hen I ha3e had to actua&&$ %a.e notes in %$ @ourna& re%indin re%indin %$se&6 %$se&6 to not not ta&. too too %uch or to to %ind %$ o*n "usiness or to not co%e across as contro&&in= I6 the &oud! %ore aressi3e peop&e ha3e
to tone it do*n a "it! I thin. it is on&$ 6air 6or the uiet! &ess e%otiona&! and a nd nonaressi3e nonaressi3e peop&e to 6ind *a$s to stir the%se&3es up= I can &oo. at a 3er$ non aressi3e person and thin.! Do $ou e3en ha3e a pu&se' and o6 course the$ do? it @ust "eats a &itt&e s&o*er than %ine does= -an$ %arriaes %arriaes 6ai& "ecause peop&e *ont %a.e an e66ort to i3e their spouse *hat he or she needs= We tend to thin. that i6 *e dont need so%ethin! then no"od$ does= Or i6 a person does ha3e a need that is di66erent 6ro% our o*n! *e tend to "e&itt&e that need= That .ind o6 attitude is one o6 the uic.est *a$s to ruin a re&ationship= Than. 9od that in our 6a%i&$ *e3e &earned and are sti&& &earnin that e3er$ones needs are 3a&ide3en i6 a need is hard to understand or di66icu&t 6or us to %eet= Lo3e de%ands that *e a&& "e *i&&in to ro* and chane= That process process is a "it %ore di66icu&t 6or peop&e *ho are %ore &aid"ac. and eas$oin= Chanin ta.es *or.! and so%eti%es the$ @ust dont *ant to %a.e the e66ort or e3en see the need= To "e honest! I reached a point in &i6e *here I "eca%e *ear$ o6 thin.in I needed to "e &ess aressi3e! *hi&e a&& the peop&e *ho appeared to %e to ha3e no pu&se *ere app&auded 6or ne3er %a.in an$ *a3es= I6 $our persona&it$ is ph&e%atic! $ou %iht *ant to %a.e %ore o6 an e66ort to participate in *hat is oin on around $ou and "e enthusiastic a"out it= I6 $ou are rea&&$! rea&&$ uiet! $ou %iht *ant to %a.e an e66ort to spea. up a "it %ore! e3en i6 it is not the %ost
co%6orta"&e thin 6or $ou= +our ta&.in %ore is not an$ harder than %$ ta&.in &ess Tr$ to et e>cited a&on *ith the peop&e $ou care a"out *ho are enthusiastic a"out their &atest p&an or pro@ect= It is one o6 the *a$s $ou can sho* &o3e= I re%e%"er co%in ho%e *ith e>cite%ent a"out %$ &atest oa& or p&an and 6ee&in &i.e Da3e thre* ice *ater on a&& %$ enthusias%= )is response *as %ore &oica&! "ut it *as not ood 6or our re&ationship= )e %a$ ha3e needed to "a&ance %e out a "it! "ut I needed hi% to @oin %e in %$ drea%= )e has &earned to do so! and I ha3e &earned not to ha3e a ne* drea% or oa& 6our ti%es a da$= One da$ he said! +ou are the 3isionar$ and I a% the pro3isionar$!G pro3isionar$!G so *e &oo. at thins 6ro% t*o di66erent an&es= I so%eti%es thin. a"out @ust %$ enthusias% 6or co%p&etin the oa&! "ut Da3e has to thin. a"out ho* *e are oin to achie3e it= 9od said that *hen a %an and a *o%an are %arried! the t*o *i&& "eco%e one 6&esh! "ut )e ne3er said it *ou&d "e eas$= 9ood re&ationships reuire a &ot o6 hard *or.! education! and *i&&inness to %eet each others needs= I 8ust on2t @are
The truth is that %orearessi3e peop&e care a"out a &ot o6 thins that &essaressi3e &essaressi3e peop&e dont care a"out at a&&= We eat out o6ten! and 6reuent&$ out o6 respect I *i&& as. one o6 %$ eas$oin 6a%i&$ %e%"ers *here the$ *ou&d &i.e to eat or *hat the$
*ou&d &i.e to eat= And the$ usua&&$ sa$! It doesnt %atter? I dont care *hat I eat=G This a%aJes %e "ecause I a&*a$s care *here and *hat I eat and cannot 6atho% a person not carin *hat the$ eat= I .no* to the e>act teaspoon6u& ho* %uch crea% I *ant in %$ co66ee and *hat te%perature it shou&d "e= I *ou&d ne3er sa$! ;ust i3e %e co66ee *ith so%e crea%! p&ease=G I *ou&d sa$! Co66ee *ith crea% on the side so I can put it in %$se&6=G I &o3e oin to Star"uc.s "ecause the$ ha3e reat custo%er ser3ice= The$ *i&& custo%iJe $our co66ee order so it is precise&$ *hat $ou *ant! and i6 the$ %a.e it *ron! the$ are usua&&$ happ$ to do it aain= -$ order has %orphed o3er the $ears and oes so%ethin &i.e this: A &are co66ee! and cou&d $ou %a.e a 6resh pot' I *ou&d &i.e it in this dou"&e* dou"&e *a&& a&& insu&ated cup that I "rouht in *ith %e! and I need hot *ater *ater on the side and ha&6andha&6 in i n another cup= I *ou&d &i.e the co66ee e>tra hot=G Whi&e I a% *aitin 6or %$ order I hear %an$ peop&e sa$! Co66ee! p&ease=G I cant i%aine %a.in it that si%p&e= A &ot o6 peop&e order in the dri3ethrouh! "ut that is so%ethin I *ou&d ne3er do "ecause I *ant to *atch %$ order "ein %ade so I .no* I a% ettin e>act&$ *hat I *ant= I cannot i%aine not carin I &o3e the sta"i&it$ and adapta"i&it$ o6 the &ess aressi3e %e%"ers o6 our 6a%i&$! and I desperate&$ need the%= I6 a&& t*ent$ o6 us *ere &i.e %$ t*o sons and %e! *e %iht .i&& one another= The "otto% &ine o6 *hat I a% tr$in to sa$ is that *e a&& need one
another and shou&d appreciate the re&ationships 9od i3es us= I .no* peop&e *ho can *ear the sa%e out6it t*ice a *ee. e3er$ *ee. 6or ten $ears and not care! "ut I *ont *ear the sa%e pa@a%as t*o nihts in a ro*= I need a &ot o6 3ariet$! "ut our "e&o3ed ph&e%atic peop&e @ust dont care= -$ ph&e%atic dauhter dauhter s&eeps in an o&d undershirt! "ut I *ant to &oo. cute *hen I o to "ed= She doesnt care *hat she &oo.s &i.e in "ed! "ut I care *hat I &oo. &i.e e3er$*here I6 *e can &earn *hich "att&es to 6iht and *hich ones to &ea3e a&one! *e %iht *in the *ar= For e>a%p&e! a&thouh 9od has chaned %e a &ot! I *i&& pro"a"&$ a&*a$s a&*a$s "e a &itt&e "oss$= "oss$= Da3e .no*s that! so he doesnt 6iht the "att&e o6 tr$in to chane %e= )e .no*s %$ heart and &ets %e "e *ho I a%= In restaurants I so%eti%es actua&&$ uite o6ten suest *hat he %iht *ant to eat= I a% so ood at %a.in decisions that I thorouh&$ en@o$ %a.in the% 6or e3er$one= )e &istens to %e! and i6 %$ suestion suits hi% he orders it! and i6 it doesnt he @ust ets *hat he *ants= )e cou&d et upset and te&& %e to stop tr$in to te&& hi% *hat to do and then I cou&d et %$ 6ee&ins hurt! and *e cou&d *aste an entire da$ "ein anr$ at each other! "ut *e ha3e &earned that t$pe o6 "eha3ior is use&ess= We3e otten to the point *here our di66erences a%use us rather than upset us= Instead o6 resentin the 6act that peop&e are not &i.e us and tr$in to chane the%! *e shou&d stri3e to et
a&on and trust 9od to chane *hat needs to "e chaned in each o6 us= E3en *hen $ou thin. so%eone has no pu&se! I can assure $ou the$ do= It @ust "eats a "it s&o*er than other peop&es= Lo3in peop&e unconditiona&&$ is the reatest i6t *e can i3e the% and ourse&3es= I ha3e &earned that one o6 the secrets to %$ o*n persona& peace is &ettin peop&e "e *ho 9od %ade the% to "e! rather than tr$in to %a.e the% "e *ho I *ou&d &i.e the% to "e= I do %$ "est to en@o$ their strenths and "e %erci6u& to*ard their *ea.nesses "ecause I ha3e p&ent$ o6 %$ o*n= I dont need to tr$ to ta.e the spec. out o6 their e$e *hi&e I ha3e a te&ephone po&e in %$ o*n= A *o%an I .no* *as *ido*ed not &on ao! and she *as te&&in %e a"out her re&ationship *ith her hus"and= This *o%an is prett$ stron*i&&ed and &i.es thins to o her *a$= She to&d %e that *hen she *as 6irst %arried! she noticed a &ot o6 thins a"out her hus"and that anno$ed her= Li.e an$ ood *i6e! she to&d her hus"and a"out his anno$in traits and ha"its so he cou&d chane= 9radua&&$ it da*ned on her that a&thouh she *as 3er$ ood a"out te&&in her hus"and a&& the thins a"out hi% that needed to chane! he ne3er returned the 6a3or As she *ondered *h$! she rea&iJed that so%e*here a&on the &ine! her hus"and had %ade a decision not to &oo. ator 6orher 6&a*s= )e .ne* she had p&ent$ But he *asnt oin to 6ocus on the%=
It occurred to her that she cou&d continue to point out a&& his anno$in a nno$in traitsor she cou&d choose not to= ;ust as her hus"and had done= At the end o6 our con3ersation! she to&d %e that in the t*e&3e $ears the$ *ere %arried! her hus"and ne3er said an un.ind *ord to her= I thin. *e can a&& ta.e a &esson 6ro% that= @ast ;our @are @asting the whole of "our care #all "our an%ieties, an%i eties, all "our worries, all "our concerns, once and for all$ on 6im, for 6e cares for "ou affectionatel" and cares about "ou watchfull" watchfull".. (1 Peter E:F
O"e$in this scripture scripture is a "it %ore di66icu&t 6or those o6 us *ho care a"out %ost e3er$thin e3er$thin and a &ot easier 6or those "&essed and &esse%otiona& &ess e%otiona& peop&e= Because I care a"out %ost thins in &i6e and *ant the% to o a certain *a$! %$ care can easi&$ turn into *orr$ i6 I a% not care6u&= 9od has *or.ed in and *ith %e 6or $ears! and I can honest&$ sa$ that I rare&$ e3er *orr$ no*! "ut it too. %e a &on ti%e to &earn not to tr$ to do so%ethin a"out thins I cou&d not do an$thin a"out= For e>a%p&e! I rea&&$ cant do an$thin a"out *hat
peop&e thin. o6 %e! so "ein o3er&$ concerned a"out it is a tota& *aste o6 ti%e and ener$= -$ hus"and certain&$ certain&$ does not care *hat peop&e thin. o6 hi%= On occasion *hen I ha3e as.ed hi% ho* he 6ee&s a"out so%e neati3e thin so%eone has said a"out us! he te&&s %e he doesnt 6ee& an$thin! "ut instead he @ust trusts 9od to ta.e care o6 it= I ha3e otten 3er$ upset at ti%es *hen un.ind artic&es ha3e "een *ritten a"out %e in the ne*spapers or *e ha3e "een @uded un6air&$! "ut Da3e @ust sa$s! Cast $our care=G We ha3e had a &ot o6 aru%ents in the past o3er that state%ent= I *ant hi% to share %$ 6ee&ins! "ut he rea&&$ cant "ecause he si%p&$ isnt "othered "$ the thins that "other %e= I .no* he is riht *hen he te&&s %e to cast %$ care! "ut since I a% a&read$ in the %idst o6 carin! that is not the ans*er I *ant= Than.6u&&$! 9od has he&ped %e and continues to do so! and Da3e has "een a ood e>a%p&e to %e= But I ha3e to *or. at not carin %ore than he does= I6 $ou are a %ore e%otiona& person! I% sure the &ess e%otiona& peop&e in $our &i6e ha3e 6rustrated $ou at ti%es= Nothin see%s to "other the% and &ots o6 thins "other $ou= I et it I ha3e "een there and I do .no* ho* $ou 6ee&! "ut I ha3e a&so &i3ed &on enouh to rea&iJe that &i3in "$ 6ee&ins is a "i %ista.e= It is true that the "est *a$ to &i3e is to &earn to cast $our care and &et 9od care 6or $ou= Decision and con6ession: With 9ods he&p I can et a&on *ith and adapt *e&& to a&& .inds o6 peop&e=
C)APTER 4 E%otiona& Reactions o not #for a moment$ be frightened or intimidated in an"thing b" "our opponents and adversaries, for such #constanc" and fearlessness$ will be a clear sign (proof and seal to to them of #their impending$ destruction, but #a sure token and evidence$ of "our deliverance and salvation, salvation, and that from od. (Philippians 1:/A
Learnin to act accordin to 9ods Word is %uch "etter than reactin e%otiona&&$ to circu%stances= It is ad%itted&$ not a&*a$s eas$! "ut it is possi"&e? other*ise! 9od *ou&d not ha3e instructed us to do so= In this chapter I *ant to e>a%ine 6our di66erent areas= I encourae $ou to as. $ourse&6 honest&$ ho* $ou respond to the% e%otiona&&$= The scripture a"o3e is one o6 Da3es 6a3orites! and he uotes it o6ten= I6 *e can re%ain constant durin the e3er chanin tides o6 &i6e and the un*anted circu%stances circu%stances &i6e "rins! *e *i&& p&ease 9od and 6ind that )e a&*a$s de&i3ers us= @hange 4nd ransition
E3er$thin chanes chanes e>cept 9od! and &ettin a&& a && the chanes in our &i3es upset us *ont .eep the% 6ro%
occurrin= occurrin= Peop&e chane! circu%stances circu%stances chane! our "odies chane! our desires and passions chane= One certaint$ in &i6e is chane= We dont %ind chane i6 *e in3ite it! "ut *hen it co%es unin3ited! our e%otions can easi&$ 6&are up= ;ohn *or.ed *or.ed 6or an in3est%en in3est%entt co%pan$ co%pan$ 6or thirt$ thirt$ t*o $ears and *as sure he *ou&d retire 6ro% that co%pan$= Without *arnin! the co%pan$ decided to se&& to a &arer 6ir%! *hose %anae%ent decided the$ didnt *ant to .eep a &ot o6 the e%p&o$ees! and ;ohn &ost his @o"= @o"= )e 6ee&s that that he *asnt *asnt treated treated 6air&$ *hen he *as &et o= No* *hat' ;ohn has a choice to %a.e= )e can either react e%otiona&&$ "$ ettin upset! stressed out! an>ious! anr$! and *orried! 6ee&in and sa$in &ots o6 neati3e thins= Or he can act on 9ods Word and trust 9od to "e his 3indicator and source o6 supp&$ 6or e3er$ need= It is tota&&$ understanda"&e understanda"&e that ;ohn has these e%otions! "ut i6 he chooses to react "ased on his 6ee&ins! then he *i&& "e %isera"&e and possi"&$ %a.e the other peop&e in his &i6e %isera"&e= I6 he chooses to %a.e decisions "ased on 9ods Word! ho*e3er! he can %a.e the transition *ith 6ar &ess tur%oi&= Wou&d his aner dissipate riht a*a$' Pro"a"&$ not= But i6 ;ohn tru&$ i3es his care o3er to 9od! his 6ee&ins *i&& ca&% do*n and he can "e con6ident con6ident that 9od *i&& continue to *or. in his &i6e! "rinin @ustice 6or the in@ustice done to hi%= -ost chanes ta.e p&ace *ithout our per%ission= But *e can choose to adapt= I6 *e re6use to %a.e the
transition in our %inds and attitudes! then *e are %a.in a hue %ista.e= Our re6usa& to adapt doesnt chane the circu%stances! circu%stances! "ut it does stea& our peace and @o$= Re%e%"er! i6 $ou cant do an$thin a"out it! then cast $our care and &et 9od ta.e care o6 $ou= For uite so%e ti%e! Da3e has %et so%e o6 his 6riends a coup&e o6 ti%es a $ear to p&a$ o&6 6or three da$s= It has "een so%ethin he rea&&$ en@o$s! "ut o3er the past coup&e o6 $ears he has 6ound it necessar$ to %a.e so%e chanes= There *as a ti%e *hen he and his 6riends p&a$ed 6i6t$6our ho&es o6 o&6 6or t*o da$s and then thirt$si> ho&es the &ast da$! "ut those da$s are past= It has "eco%e harder ph$sica&&$ 6or hi% to do that= )es in reat ph$sica& shape! "ut nonethe&ess! he is se3ent$ $ears o&d and 3er$ si%p&$ doesnt ha3e the sa%e &e3e& o6 endurance he once had= Whi&e I *as *ritin this "oo.! Da3e and his 6riends *ent to F&orida 6or one o6 their trips= When Da3e returned ho%e he said to %e! This This *as the &ast ti%e I% doin this=G )e to&d %e ho* %uch hass&e and e66ort it *as to et there! and that "$ the second da$ his "ac. *as tiht and he had to ride in the cart and not p&a$ part o6 the ti%e= In addition to that! he *as *earin a .nee "race "ecause one o6 his .nees *as "otherin hi%= )e said he *ou&d ha3e rather "een ho%e= )is "od$ is chanin! so he %enta&&$ %enta&&$ transitioned= )e to&d %e! I *i&& sti&& "e a"&e to p&a$! "ut no* I *i&& @ust do it a di66erent *a$= The u$s can co%e to St= Louis so I dont ha3e to tra3e& "ecause
the$ are $ouner than %e= We can p&a$ thirt$si> ho&es instead o6 6i6t$6our the 6irst t*o da$s and eihteen ho&es the &ast da$=G That sti&& sounds prett$ intense to %e! "ut 6or hi% it *as a "i chane= )is "od$ is chanin! and he is chanin *ith it and .eepin a ood attitude a"out it= Da3e cou&d ha3e had a %a&e eo episodeG and re6used to ad%it that he *as not a"&e to do the o&6 trips an$%ore in the sa%e *a$ he has a&*a$s done the%= )e cou&d ha3e otten upset and decided he didnt &i.e ettin o&der and a&& that oes *ith it= But instead he acted on 9ods Word and %ade the transition race6u&&$= )e rea&iJes the da$ *i&& co%e *hen he %a$ need to %a.e %ore chanes! and he has a&read$ set his %ind that *hen it does co%e! he *i&& do so *ith a ood attitude= Since Da3e en@o$s his o&6 tre%endous&$! I as.ed hi% ho* he *ou&d hand&e it i6 6or so%e reason he cou&d not p&a$ an$%ore! and his ans*er *as a%aJin= )e said! I *ou&d pro"a"&$ "e disappointed! "ut I *ou&d re%e%"er a&& the $ears I did et to p&a$ and "e than.6u& 6or that= I *ou&d adapt and 6ind so%ethin e&se to do=G !earn o 4dapt Geadil" ad&ust "ourself to #people, things$ and give "ourselves to humble tasks. ever overestimate "ourself or be wise in "our own
conceits. (Gomans 1/:1=
In the pre3ious chapter *e discussed adaptin to the di66erent persona&ities *e encounter in &i6e= No* *e are discussin adaptin to chanin circu%stances that *e cannot do an$thin a"out= )o* *e respond e%otiona&&$ deter%ines ho* %uch peace and @o$ *e ha3e= Our thouhts are the 6irst thin *e need to dea& *ith durin chane! "ecause thouhts direct&$ a66ect e%otion= When circu%stances chane! %a.e the transition %enta&&$! and $our e%otions *i&& "e a &ot easier to %anae= I6 so%ethin chanes that $ou are not read$ 6or and did not choose! $ou *i&& %ore than &i.e&$ ha3e a 3ariet$ o6 e%otions a"out it! "ut "$ actin on 9ods Word and not %ere&$ reactin to the situation! $ou *i&& "e a"&e to %anae $our e%otions instead o6 a&&o*in the% to %anae $ou= I6 $ou ha3e read %$ other "oo.s or *atched %e on te&e3ision! $ou a&read$ .no* that I stron&$ reco%%end con6essin the Word o6 9od out &oud= E3en thouh *hat $ou con6ess %a$ "e the opposite o6 ho* $ou 6ee&! .eep doin it= 9ods Word has inherent po*er to chane $our 6ee&ins= 9ods Word a&so "rins co%6ort to us and uiets our distrauht e%otions= I6 $ou ha3ent read %$ pre3ious "oo. Po*er Thouhts! I reco%%end that $ou do= It i3es an indepth understandin o6 the po*er o6 our thouhts and *ords o3er circu%stances and e%otions= )o* do $ou respond to chane' Do $ou act on 9ods
Word or %ere&$ react to the situation' A6ter the initia& shoc.! are $ou *i&&in to %a.e a transition %enta&&$ and e%otiona&&$' isappointed et Geappointed
Disappoint%ent occurs *hen our p&ans are th*arted "$ so%ethin *e had no contro& o3er= We can "e disappointed "$ unp&easant circu%stances or "$ peop&e *ho &et us do*n= We %a$ 6ee& disappoint%ent *ith 9od *hen *e3e "een e>pectin )i% to do so%ethin and )e doesnt= There are e3en ti%es *hen *e are disappointed in ourse&3es= A"so&ute&$ no"od$ ets e3er$thin the$ *ant a&& the ti%e! so *e need to &earn ho* to dea& proper&$ *ith disappoint%ent= When *e are disappointed! our e%otions initia&&$ sin.! and then so%eti%es the$ 6&are up in aner= A6ter so%e ti%e oes "$ and *e ha3e thorouh&$ e>pressed our aner! *e %a$ 6ee& the sin.in o6 e%otions aain= We 6ee& do*n! neati3e! discouraed! and depressed= The ne>t ti%e $ou are disappointed! pa$ attention to the acti3it$ o6 $our e%otions! "ut instead o6 &ettin the% ta.e the &ead! %a.e the decision to %anae the%= There is nothin unusua& or *ron a"out initia& 6ee&ins o6 disappoint%ent! "ut it is *hat *e do 6ro% that point 6or*ard that %a.es a&& the di66erence in the *or&d= I &earned &on ao that *ith 9od on our side! e3en
thouh *e *i&& e>perience disappoint%ents in &i6e! *e can a&*a$s et reappointed=G I6 $ou or I ha3e a doctors appoint%ent and he has an e%erenc$ and has to cance&! *e si%p&$ %a.e another appoint%ent= Li6e can "e that *a$ too= Trustin that 9od has a ood p&an 6or us! and that our steps are ordered "$ )i%! is the .e$ to pre3entin disappoint%ent 6ro% turnin into despair= 4 man2s mind plans plan s his wa" wa", but the !ord directs his steps and makes makes them sure. (Proverbs 1=:9 5an2s steps are ordered b" the !ord. 6ow then can a man man understand his wa" wa" (Proverbs /0:/+
These t*o scriptures ha3e sta"i&iJed %$ e%otions %an$ ti%es *hen I *as in a hurr$ to et so%e*here and 6ound %$se&6 %$se&6 at a standsti&& in tra66ic on the hih*a$= Initia&&$! I et a sin.in 6ee&in! then I et ara3ated! ara3ated! and then I sa$! We&&! We&&! since %$ steps are ordered "$ the Lord! I *i&& ca&% do*n and than. 9od that I a% riht *here )e *ants %e=G I a&so re%ind %$se&6 that 9od %a$ "e sa3in %e 6ro% an accident 6arther do*n the road "$ .eepin %e *here I a%= Trustin 9od is a"so&ute&$ *onder6u& "ecause it soothes our *i&d thouhts and e%otions *hen thins dont o the *a$ *e had p&anned= )o* do $ou react *hen $ou et disappointed' )o* &on does it ta.e 6or $ou to %a.e a transition and et
reappointed' Are $ou actin on the Word o6 9od or %ere&$ reactin e%otiona&&$ to the circu%stance' circu%stance' Are $ou contro&&ed "$ *hat is around $ou! or "$ ;esus! ;esus! *ho &i3es &i3es inside inside $ou' I6 *e dont as. ourse&3es uestions and ans*er the% honest&$! *e *i&& spend our entire &i3es ne3er tru&$ .no*in ourse&3es= Re%e%"er! on&$ the truth *i&& %a.e $ou 6ree see ;ohn 5:(#= Trustin 9od co%p&ete&$ and "e&ie3in that )is p&an 6or $ou is in6inite&$ "etter than $our o*n *i&& pre3ent $ou 6ro% "ein disappointed *ith 9od= It is i%possi"&e to "e %i66ed at so%eone $ou rea&&$ "e&ie3e has $our "est interest in %ind= When $ou are anr$ $ou *ant to &ash out at so%eone! "ut it is un*ise to %a.e 9od $our taret= )e is the on&$ One *ho can he&p $ou and tru&$ co%6ort $ou? there6ore! it is %uch "etter to run to )i% in $our pain than a*a$ 6ro% )i%= I ailed 5"self
We e>pect certain thins and "eha3iors 6ro% ourse&3es! and *hen *e 6ai& to &i3e up to those standards! its eas$ to et anr$ *ith ourse&3es= For so%e peop&e! that aner is deepseated deep seated and &on standin= It is ood to ha3e hih e>pectations o6 $ourse&6! "ut not unrea&istic ones= Per6ectionists especia&&$ ha3e pro"&e%s in this area= The$ *ant to "e per6ectand the$ ne3er *i&& "e= We can "e per6ect in heart! "ut *e *ont arri3e at per6ection in
our per6or%ance as &on as *e are in 6&eshand "&ood "odies= Than.6u&&$! *e can ro* spiritua&&$ and &earn to "eha3e "etter! "ut I *ant to encourae $ou to &earn ho* to ce&e"rate e3en $our s%a&& 3ictories instead o6 "ein anr$ *ith $ourse&6= It is on&$ natura& to 6ee& disappointed in ourse&3es *hen *e 6ai&! "ut once aain *e need to not &et the disappoint%ent turn into a deeper pro"&e%= 9et reappointed "$ re%indin $ourse&6 that 9od &o3es $ou unconditiona&&$ and is chanin $ou &itt&e "$ &itt&e= Loo. at $our proress instead o6 ho* 6ar $ou ha3e to o= We a&& disappoint ourse&3es at ti%es= A 6e* $ears ao I "eha3ed 3er$ "ad&$ in a re&ationship! and to this da$ I a% sti&& sorr$ a"out the *a$ I acted= I *as *or.in *ith so%eone and our persona&ities did not "&end *e&& at a&&= A6ter tr$in 6or se3era& $ears to %a.e it *or.! I 6ina&&$ rea&iJed that I needed to %a.e a chane 6or "oth our sa.es= I .ept puttin it o66 "ecause I didnt *ant to hurt the other person= The &oner I *aited! the %ore her *ea.nesses irritated %e! and I a% sure %ine irritated her= Because I 6e&t trapped! it %ade %e anr$! and I reacted to the *a$ I 6e&t instead o6 ta.in proper action and doin *hat I .ne* I rea&&$ needed to do= I thouht %$ reason 6or the procrastination *as no"&e: I @ust didnt *ant to hurt her= But no %atter ho* no"&e %$ %oti3e *as! I *as sti&& diso"e$in the )o&$ Spirits &eadin! and that a&*a$s ends up "ad= When the re&ationship ended! it *as not prett$! and I
.no* *e "oth reretted it= I did a&& I .ne* to do to %a.e thins riht! "ut it *as one o6 those situations that si%p&$ cou&d not "e 6i>ed and I 6e&t rea&&$ "ad a"out it= It too. %e a*hi&e! "ut I 6ina&&$ recei3ed 9ods 6ori3eness and %ade e3er$ e66ort to &earn 6ro% %$ %ista.e= Let %e assure $ou that sta$in anr$ *ith $ourse&6 "ecause $ou 6ai&ed *ont do an$ a n$ ood= Are $ou disappointed *ith $ourse&6' I6 $ou are! then riht no* is the ti%e to &et it o and et reappointed= It is ti%e to stop &i3in "$ ho* $ou 6ee&= !earning !earning o -ait -ell -ell !et endurance and steadfastness and patience have full pla" and do a thorough work, so that "ou ma" be #people$ perfectl" and full" developed #with no defects$, lacking in nothing. (8ames 1:+
I6 $ou ha3e not de3e&oped patience! then ha3in to *ait %a$ "rin out the *orst in $ou= At &east that *as the case *ith %e unti& I 6ina&&$ rea&iJed %$ e%otiona& reactions *ere not %a.in thins o 6aster= The ines 9ree. Dictionar$ states that patience is a 6ruit o6 the Spirit that ro*s on&$ *hen *e are su"@ected to tria&s= We *ou&d a&& &i.e to "e patient! "ut *e dont *ant to de3e&op patience "ecause that %eans "eha3in *e&& *hi&e *e are not ettin *hat *e *ant= And thats hard
So%e peop&e are a re natura&&$ %ore patient than others due to their te%pera%ent! "ut I ha3e 6ound that e3en 3er$ patient peop&e ha3e at &east a 6e* thins that irritate the% %ore than others= As $ou %a$ ha3e uessed! Da3e is 3er$ patient= Waitin does not "other hi% a&& that %uch= )e *ou&d "e 6ine in the tra66ic @a% on the hih*a$! un&ess o6 course it *as oin to %a.e hi% &ate 6or his o&6 tee ti%e= )e is a "it i%patient *ith dri3ers on the road *ho do thins he is sure he *ou&d ne3er do= But since his persona&it$ is eas$oin and adapta"&e! *aitin isnt that hard 6or hi%= It *as ho*e3er! 3er$ hard 6or %e 6or %an$ $ears= I 6ina&&$ rea&iJed that 9od consistent&$ a&&o*ed %e to "e put in situations *here I had no choice "ut to *ait! and )e did it so I cou&d de3e&op patience= Patience is e>tre%e&$ i%portant 6or peop&e *ho *ant to &ori6$ 9od and en@o$ their &i3es= I6 one is i%patient! the situations the$ encounter in &i6e *i&& certain&$ cause the% to react e%otiona&&$= The ne>t ti%e $ou ha3e to *ait on so%ethin or so%eone! instead o6 @ust reactin! tr$ ta&.in to $ourse&6 $ourse&6 a &itt&e= +ou +ou %iht thin.! 9ettin 9ettin upset *i&& not not %a.e this o an$ 6aster! so I %iht as *e&& en@o$ the *ait= Then perhaps sa$ out &oud! I a% de3e&opin patience as I *ait so I a% than.6u& 6or this situation=G B$ doin that! $ou *i&& "e actin on the Word o6 9od rather than reactin to the unp&easant circu%stance= Each ti%e *e e>ercise patience! *e strenthen it! @ust as *e de3e&op our %usc&es each ti%e *e e>ercise
the%= I et sore *hen I e>ercise! and it hurts! "ut I .no* it is he&pin %e= We can &oo. at e>ercisin patience the sa%e *a$= Dont %ere&$ thin. a"out ho* hard and 6rustratin it is! "ut thin. a"out ho* peace6u& $ou *i&& "e *hen *aitin ne3er "others $ou= Do $ou *ait *e&&' )o* do $ou act *hen $oure *or.in *ith so%eone *ho is rea&&$ s&o* at *hat the$ are tr$in to do' )o* does ettin cauht in a tra66ic @a% a66ect $ou' What i6 so%eone ta.es the par.in space $ou ha3e "een *aitin 6or' The %ore intense&$ *e *ant so%ethin! the %ore our e%otions *i&& act up i6 *e do not et it= So%eti%es *hat *e *ant is si%p&$ %ore i%portant to us than it shou&d "e! and *e need to rea&iJe that and not "eha3e chi&dish&$= Co%%on sense te&&s us that it is rather 6oo&ish to et into a rae o3er a par.in space or so%e o6 the other si%p&e thins peop&e tend to et upset a"out= What situations are di66icu&t 6or $ou' )o* do $ou "eha3e e%otiona&&$ *hen $ou ha3e to *ait' On a sca&e o6 1 to 18! ho* *e&& do $ou hand&e $ourse&6 *hen thins dont o $our *a$' I ha3e 6ound that honest ans*ers to uestions &i.e these are he&p6u& in %a.in proress to*ard %anain our e%otions= etting 4long -ith People -ho 4re ifficult o et 4long -ith
)o* do $ou react to peop&e *ho are rude' Do $ou
respond in &o3e as the Word sa$s *e shou&d! or do $ou @oin the% in their unod&$ "eha3ior' Not one o6 us appreciates irrita"&e and irritatin peop&e= One de6inition o6 rudeness is "ein a"rupt and unp&easant&$ unp&easant&$ 6orce6u&= I thin. there are a &ot o6 peop&e in the *or&d &i.e that toda$! &are&$ "ecause o6 the stress6u& &i3es %ost peop&e &i3e= Peop&e are tr$in to do too %uch in too &itt&e ti%e and ha3e %ore responsi"i&it$ responsi"i&it$ than the$ can rea&istica&&$ hand&e= When a c&er. in a store is rude to %e! I can instant&$ 6ee& %$ e%otions start to rise up= As I said ear&ier! e%otions rise up and then %o3e out! *antin us to 6o&&o* the%= When I 6ee& that! I .no* I need to ta.e action= I ha3e to reason *ith %$se&6 and re%e%"er that the person "ein rude pro"a"&$ has a &ot o6 pro"&e%s and she %a$ not e3en rea&iJe ho* she sounds= I certain&$ re%e%"er &ots o6 ti%es in %$ &i6e *hen peop&e as.ed %e *h$ I *as "ein so harsh and I didnt e3en rea&iJe that I *as= I @ust had a &ot oin on and 6e&t pressured! so the pressure escaped in harsh 3oice tones= That did not e>cuse %$ "ad "eha3ior! "ut it *as the root o6 the pro"&e%= I a% 3er$ than.6u& that I .no* the Word o6 9od and ha3e )i% in %$ &i6e to he&p and co%6ort %e= But I tr$ to re%e%"er that a &ot o6 peop&e in the *or&d *ho are di66icu&t to et a&on *ith dont ha3e that= I a&*a$s a&*a$s *ant %$ "eha3ior to "e a *itness 6or Christ and not so%ethin that *ou&d %a.e )i% asha%ed o6 %e= That "ein the case! I ha3e had to *or. 3er$ hard *ith the )o&$ Spirit in de3e&opin the a"i&it$ to
act on the Word o6 9od *hen peop&e are rude instead o6 %ere&$ reactin to the% *ith "eha3ior that %atches or tops theirs= ;esus ;esus said that *e ha3e ha3e done nothin nothin specia& i6 i6 *e treat peop&e *e&& *ho treat us *e&&! "ut i6 *e are .ind to so%eone *ho *ou&d ua&i6$ as an ene%$ then *e are doin *e&& see Lu.e 2:(#(0= This area is actua&&$ a 3er$ "i one and presents a situation that *e *i&& dea& *ith on and o66 throuhout a&& our &i3es= Peop&e are e3er$*here! and not a&& o6 the% are p&easant= So *e %ust %a.e a decision a"out ho* *e are oin to react to*ard the%= Wi&& $ou act on the Word o6 9od and &o3e the% 6or )is sa.e' Or *i&& $ou %ere&$ react e%otiona&&$ and end up perhaps actin *orse than the$ act' )a3e $ou e3er &et a rude person ruin $our da$' -a.e a decision that $ou *i&& not e3er do that aain "ecause *hen $ou do! $ou are *astin so%e o6 the precious ti%e that 9od has i3en $ou= When a da$ is one! $ou can ne3er et it "ac.! so I ure $ou not to *aste it "ein e%otiona&&$ distrauht o3er so%eone $ou %a$ ne3er e3en see aain= I6 $ou are in a situation that reuires $ou to "e *ith one o6 these hardtoeta&on*ith peop&e e3er$ da$! I ure $ou to pra$ 6or the% instead o6 reactin e%otiona&&$ to the%= Our pra$ers open a door 6or 9od to *or. throuh= So%eti%es *hen *e pra$! 9od *i&& &ead us to con6ront a person &i.e that= I a% not sa$in *e @ust ha3e to put up *ith the persons "ad
"eha3ior! "ut re%e%"er that con6rontation shou&d sti&& "e done in the spirit o6 &o3e= Decision and con6ession: I can patient&$ *ait 6or the thins I *ant in &i6e! trustin 9od to "rin the% in )is ti%in=
C)APTER 5 Thouhts Are Fue& For Fee&ins ;ou, -ho tr" the hearts and emotions and thinking powers, powers, are a righteous od. (Psalms F:9
The psa&%ist Da3id spea.s a"out e%otions and thouhts in the sa%e sentence "ecause the$ are inti%ate&$ &in.ed to each other= We %ust understand the po*er o6 thouhts in order to &earn ho* to %anae our e%otions= One statistic sa$s that a&thouh thousands o6 peop&e %a.e decisions at the 6irst o6 the $ear to start e>ercisin and the$ o pa$ %one$ to sin up at a $%! on&$ 12 percent o6 the% actua&&$ sho* up and 6o&&o* throuh= This is a per6ect e>a%p&e o6 a situation *here a person *anted to do so%ethin! %ade a decision to do it! and then a&&o*ed his thouhts and 6ee&ins to "eco%e a dictator in his &i6e= 9od has i3en us 6ree *i&&! and the truth is that our thouhts and 6ee&ins cannot ru&e us i6 *e dont &et the%! "ut %ost peop&e dont .no* that= One da$ in Dece%"er! -ar. &oo.ed at hi%se&6 in the %irror a6ter ta.in a sho*er and thouht! I3e ained *eiht o3er the past coup&e o6 $ears and I% out o6
shape= I rea&&$ need to do so%ethin= But the ho&ida$s are co%in! so I uess I&& @ust en@o$ eatin *hate3er I *ant unti& ;anuar$= Then I&& start on a diet and e>ercise prora%= -ar. 6e&t ood a"out his decision and *anted to %a.e a co%%it%ent so he *ent "$ the $% the ne>t da$ and sined up= )e a3e a credit card nu%"er at the des. and areed to pa$ ,0 a %onth 6or the ne>t $ear so he cou&d use the 6aci&it$= -ar. &e6t the $% 6ee&in ood a"out his decision= )e en@o$ed eatin a&& he *anted o3er the ho&ida$s and .ept te&&in hi%se&6 and other peop&e that in ;anuar$ he he *as *as oin on a dietande>ercise prora%= ;anuar$ ca%e! the ho&ida$s *ere o3er! and he *o.e up on the 6irst -onda$ o6 the %onth and to&d hi%se&6! I *i&& o to the $% toda$= )e headed o66 to *or. and e3en too. $% c&othes and tennis shoes *ith hi%= At *or. that da$ he *as in3ited to o to &unch and it happened to "e his 6a3orite restaurant= )e thouht! This is oin to "e hard "ecause the$ ha3e that &asana I &o3e! and that sure doesnt 6it into %$ diet p&an= It ne3er occurred to -ar. to @ust turn do*n the in3itation i6 he 6e&t he cou&d not o there and sta$ on his diet= )e @ust assu%ed that the te%ptation *ou&d "e too %uch! and in rea&it$! had a&read$ p&anned 6or 6ai&ure= The 6irst %ista.e that -ar. %ade *as thin.in that resistin the te%ptation to eat &asana *as oin to "e too hard 6or hi% to do= )e cou&d ha3e thouht! I *ant to o to &unch *ith %$ 6riends! "ut I a% oin to sta$ on %$ diet= I can do it I &o3e their &asana! "ut
I can sa$ no to it= +ou see! our thouhts prepare us 6or action! and since -ar. had a&read$ thouht it *ou&d "e hard 6or hi%! *hen he ot into the restaurant and started starin at the &asana on the %enu! he cou&d not resist the te%ptation "ecause he had a&read$ decided %enta&&$ *hat he *ou&d do= )is 6ee&ins hoo.ed up *ith his thouhts! and the t*o o6 the% toether %ade his decision 6or hi%= A&& the car"oh$drates in the &asana %ade -ar. s&eep$ that a6ternoon and "$ the ti%e he ot o66 *or. he thouht! -a$"e I&& *ait and start e>ercisin &ater this *ee.= A6ter a&&! I a&read$ %essed up "$ eatin the &asana! and I a% rea&&$ tired toda$ an$*a$= O6 course his 6ee&ins areed *ith the p&an to o ho%e and rest= The$ assured hi% that the$ did not 6ee& &i.e e>ercisin! and *aitin unti& another da$ sounded *onder6u&= Apri& ro&&ed around! and -ar. sti&& had not one on a diet or started e>ercisin= )e tried a 6e* ti%es! "ut his thouhts and 6ee&ins a&*a$s de6eated hi%= The $% had chared his credit card each %onth as pro%ised! and he had paid out 158 6or so%ethin he *asnt usin= When he thouht a"out it! he 6e&t ui&t$! "ut his %ind o66ered so%e e>cuses: I tried to e>ercise! "ut I @ust ha3e too %uch oin on in %$ &i6e= I rea&&$ *ou&d &i.e to ta.e "etter care o6 %$se&6! "ut I dont ha3e ti%e= I ha3e a &ot o6 responsi"i&it$! "ut thins *i&& chane e3entua&&$ and I *i&& et around to it= )e *ished he had not sined that contract "ecause no* he *as oin to *aste 0,8=
Each one o6 the thousands o6 peop&e *ho sin up at a $% in ;anuar$ and ne3er sho* up! o throuh so%e 3ersion o6 -ar.s stor$= The$ &et their thouhts and 6ee&ins contro& their decisions= The$ cou&d ha3e "een success6u& in discip&inin the%se&3es i6 the$ had understood the po*er o6 thouhts and .no*n the$ had the authorit$ to choose their thouhts rather than @ust oin *ith *hate3er happened to co%e to %ind= alk ;ourself Into 3uccess
No"od$ is success6u& in an$ 3enture "$ @ust *ishin the$ *ou&d "e= Success6u& peop&e %a.e a p&an and ta&. to the%se&3es a"out that p&an consistent&$= +ou can thin. thins on purpose! and i6 $ou %a.e *hat $ou thin. a"out *hat $ou *ant to do! $our 6ee&ins %a$ not &i.e it! "ut the$ *i&& o a&on= I s&ept reat &ast niht! and *hen I *o.e up at 0:88 a=%=! I didnt 6ee& &i.e ettin up= It *as so coJ$ under the 6&u66$ co3er! and I 6e&t &i.e sta$in riht there= But I had a p&an reardin *or.in *or.in on this "oo.= I had decided ho* %an$ hours I *ou&d *rite toda$ and in order to do that I had to et up= I thouht! I a% oin to et up no*! and I e>ercised *i&&po*er and I ot up Do $ou e3en pa$ an$ attention to *hat $ou are thin.in' Do $ou %a.e an e66ort to choose $our thouhts or do $ou @ust %editate on *hate3er 6a&&s into $our head! e3en i6 it is in tota& disaree%ent *ith *hat $ou ha3e said $ou *ant out o6 &i6e' +ou
dont ha3e to "e trapped "$ neati3e thouhts= When $our thouhts are oin in a *ron direction! do $ou cast the% do*n and out o6 $our head as the Bi"&e instructs see # Cor= 18:0' )o* %uch are $ou &ettin $our thouhts and 6ee&ins ru&e $ou' I6 $ou dont &i.e $our ans*ers to these uestions! the ood ne*s is that $ou can chane= As I ha3e said 6or $ears! *e are in a *ar and the %ind is the "att&e6ie&d= We either *in or &ose our "att&es "ased on *innin the *ar in our %inds= Learn to thin. accordin to the Word o6 9od! and $our e%otions *i&& start &inin up *ith $our thouhts= I6 $ou ha3e had $ears o6 e>periencin *ron thin.in and &ettin $our e%otions &ead $ou! %a.in the chane %a$ not "e eas$! and it *i&& de6inite&$ reuire a co%%it%ent o6 stud$! ti%e! and e66ort= But the resu&ts *i&& "e *orth it= Dont sa$! I a% @ust an e%otiona& person! and I cant he&p the *a$ I 6ee&=G Ta.e contro&= +ou can do it he Power Bf elieving he est
The hurt6u& and disappointin thins peop&e do are a%on the thins that tend to stir up our e%otions= Since *e cannot contro& *hat others do or a &ot o6 the circu%stances o6 our &i3es! *e need to &oo. 6or *a$s to uiet our e%otions concernin those thins= The Bi"&e teaches us to a&*a$s "e&ie3e the "est o6 e3er$ person see 1 Cor= 1(:4= I6 *e &et our thouhts &ead us! the$ usua&&$ usua&&$ tend to*ard to*ard neati3it$= Sad&$! Sad&$! the
6&esh *ithout the in6&uence o6 the )o&$ Spirit is dar. and neati3e= We &earn in 9ods 9o ds Word that *e ha3e a %ind o6 the 6&esh and a %ind o6 the Spirit see Ro%= 5:0= I6 *e &et the %ind o6 the 6&esh &ead! *e *i&& "e 6i&&ed *ith death&i.e 6ee&ins and attitudes= But i6 *e choose to &et the %ind o6 the Spirit &ead! *e *i&& "e 6i&&ed *ith &i6e and peace in our sou&s! and that inc&udes peace6u& and ca&% e%otions= I ure $ou to choose *hat %a.es 6or peace "ecause ;esus has ca&&ed us to peace= )e has &e6t us )is peace! "ut a &i6e o6 e%otiona& tur%oi& not on&$ %a.es us %isera"&e! it can a&so %a.e us sic.= Stress is the root cause o6 a &are percentae o6 sic.ness and disease= Disease causes disease I rea&iJed &ast $ear that %ost o6 %$ e%otiona& tur%oi& co%es a"out throuh peop&e pro"&e%s= I .ne* 6ro% e>perience that I cou&d not contro& peop&e and *hat the$ decided to do! so I "ean to pra$ a"out *hat I cou&d do to not a&&o* *hat the$ do to upset %e= In ans*er to %$ pra$ers and throuh stud$ o6 9ods Word! I started o"e$in 1 Corinthians 1(:4 "$ choosin to "e&ie3e the "est o6 e3er$one= An e%p&o$ee recent&$ said so%e 3er$ hurt6u& and potentia&&$ da%ain thins a"out so%e o6 %$ 6a%i&$ %e%"ers and the %inistr$= The 6irst reaction *as shoc.! then disappoint%ent! disappoint%ent! then con6usion "ecause *e cou&d not understand her %oti3e= Fina&&$! aner ca%e= I ha3e %ade a co%%it%ent to peace and I re6use to &et %$ e%otions contro& %e! so I acted on *hat the Word o6 9od sa$s! and I decided to "e&ie3e
the "est= I thouht! She is hurtin 6ro% a traic situation in her o*n &i6e and she pro"a"&$ is actin out o6 her o*n pain= I dou"t that she e3en 6u&&$ rea&iJed the potentia& i%pact o6 her *ords= I started pra$in 6or her! and *hen peop&e as.ed %e *hat I thouht! I to&d the% I *as surprised and didnt 6u&&$ understand *h$ she did it! "ut then I repeated %$ thin.in the "estG idea= I noticed that each ti%e I too. that approach! it ca&%ed %e do*n e%otiona&&$ and had the sa%e e66ect on other peop&e *ho *ere in3o&3ed= I3e a&*a$s "e&ie3ed that $ou can thin. positi3e @ust as *e&& as $ou can thin. neati3e= Suar Ra$ Ro"inson I tru&$ "e&ie3e the Word o6 9od is 6i&&ed *ith po*er6u& secrets= The$ are not thins that are hidden! "ut are de6inite&$ thins that ha3e "een inored= I ha3e read it 6or $ears: Lo3e a&*a$s "e&ie3es the "est o6 e3er$ personG see 1 Cor= 1(:4= I ha3e 6o&&o*ed that ad3ice in o"edience to 9od! "ut on&$ recent&$ ha3e I rea&iJed that thin.in the "est is eui3a&ent to ta.in a spiritua& ner3e pi&&= Because our thouhts are connected to our e%otions *hen *e thin. ood thouhts! *e *i&& 6ee& ood e%otiona&&$= E3en i6 a persons %oti3e is terri"&e! I can sti&& protect %$se&6 "$ "e&ie3in the "est= I a% not responsi"&e 6or anothers actions and %oti3es! "ut I a% responsi"&e 6or %$ reaction to that persons actions= I decided to "e&ie3e that 9od *as a"&e to *or. ood thins out o6
*hat appeared to "e a "ad situation and that %ade %e 6ee& e3en "etter= Dont e3er "e con3inced that $ou ha3e to "e out o6 contro& @ust "ecause $ou cannot contro& the peop&e and thins around $ou= Learn to &i3e the interior &i6e instead o6 the e>terior &i6e! and $ou *i&& en@o$ p&easant thouhts and ca&% e%otions= hung r",, feed him' if he is thirst", If "our enem" is hungr" give him drink' for b" so doing "ou will heap burning coals upon his head. o not let "ourself be overcome b" evil, but overcome (master evil with good. (Gomans 1/:/0*/1
The "urnin coa&s that the scripture %entions are not pa$"ac. 6or *hat the ene%$ has done! the$ are actua&&$ the 6ire o6 &o3e $ou are sho*in that e3entua&&$ %e&ts the hardness o6 $our ene%$s heart= E3entua&&$! the e%p&o$ee I %entioned a"o3e resined! and *e decided to o the e>tra %i&e and o66er a ood se3erance pac.ae so she *ou&d ha3e ti%e to hea& 6ro% her o*n e%otiona& traed$ "e6ore she needed to &oo. 6or a @o"= We pra$ed *ith her and continue to pra$ 6or her and trust 9od to ta.e *hat Satan *anted to use 6or har% and *or. it out 6or ood see 9en= 08:#8= This "i"&ica& secret o6 "e&ie3in the "est "e&ons to e3er$ chi&d o6 9od= A&& $ou need to do is 6o&&o* 9od instead o6 6ee&ins= When $ou do! the intensit$ o6 $our 6ee&ins *i&& *ea.en "ecause $ou are not 6eedin the% *ith neati3e thouhts= We ha3e to
%a.e the decision *hi&e our 6ee&ins are sti&& stirred up! "ut I pro%ise $ou that the$ *i&& ca&% do*n i6 $ou 6o&&o* 9ods p&an= 9od has not &e6t us de6ense&ess in these situations= We are in the *or&d! "ut )e encouraes us not to "e o6 it= That %eans i6 *e *i&& o"e$ )i%! then *e *i&& "e hidden in )i%! a p&ace *here a thousand can co%e aainst us! "ut *e *ont need to 6ear= 4 thousand ma" fall at "our side, and ten thousand at "our right hand, but it shall not come near "ou. Bnl" a spectator shall "ou be #"ourself inaccessible in the secret place of the 5ost 6igh$ as "ou witness the reward reward of the wicked. (Psalm 91:F*A But Bf as
I6 *e need aso&ine 6ue& 6or our auto%o"i&e auto%o"i&e and pu&& into a station on&$ to 6ind a sin that reads SORR+! O/T OF 9AS! *e are disappointed! "ut *e o &oo. 6or another as station= I thin. the de3i& needs to 6ind an O/T OF 9AS sin on our %inds *hen he co%es to cause trou"&e in our &i3es= )e can a&*a$s 6ind so%eone *ho *i&& entertain entertain his poisonous thouhts! "ut $ou can &et hi% .no* that it is not oin to "e $ou= Thin. a"out thins that %a.e $ou happ$= I cou&d sit here riht no* and upset %$se&6 i6 I *anted to= A&& Id
need to do is ta.e a"out 6i6teen or t*ent$ %inutes and thin. a"out %$ chi&dhood= Then I cou&d thin. o6 a&& the peop&e in %$ &i6e *ho ha3e hurt and disappointed %e= I cou&d thin. o6 a&& the thins that didnt *or. out the *a$ I had hoped the$ *ou&d! then I cou&d i%aine that %ore "ad thins are pro"a"&$ on the *a$= I6 I did that! I can pro%ise $ou I *ou&d start to 6ee& e%otiona&&$ do*n! then undou"ted&$ anr$= Wh$ *ou&d *e choose to %a.e ourse&3es %isera"&e' As. $ourse&6 *h$ $ou *ou&d do that and then %a.e a decision to ne3er do it aain= The ne>t ti%e $our e%otions are sin.in or 6&arin up! stop and as. $ourse&6 *hat $ou ha3e "een thin.in or e3en ta&.in a"out= I6 $ou do this! $ou *i&& pro"a"&$ &ocate the root o6 $our pro"&e%= o It or e 5iserable
Li.e %ost o6 us! $ou pro"a"&$ *ish there *as an easier *a$ to &i3e! "ut there isnt= So $ou %iht as *e&& decide to do thins 9ods *a$ or "e %isera"&e= We usua&&$ tr$ to ta.e a&& the eas$ paths! "ut the$ a&& &ead to destruction= The Bi"&e descri"es those paths as "roadG "ecause a &ot o6 e66ort e6 6ort isnt reuired to re%ain on the%= We are encouraed "$ 9od to ta.e the narro* path! the %ore di66icu&t one! "ut a&so the one that &eads to &i6e: Stri3e to enter "$ the narro* door H6orce $ourse&3es throuh it! 6or %an$! I te&& $ou! *i&& tr$ to enter and *i&& not "e a"&eG Lu.e 1(:#,=
We ha3e to %a.e a stron e66ort to push throuh the neati3it$ in the *or&d! "ut i6 *e *i&& do our part! 9od *i&& a&*a$s do )is= Not e3er$one is *i&&in to %a.e the e66ort= The$ are addicted to ease and si%p&$ 6&o* *ith their 6ee&ins= I a% *ritin this "oo. *ith the hope that %$ readers *ont "e o6 the %an$ *ho do not enter= ;esus died 6or us so *e cou&d ha3e a *onder6u&! a"undant &i6e that is 6i&&ed *ith peace! @o$! po*er! success! and e3er$ ood thin! "ut *e %ust drin. the cup that )e dran.= )e *as *i&&in to o to the cross and pa$ 6or our sins e3en thouh ph$sica&&$! %enta&&$! and e%otiona&&$ it *as 3er$ di66icu&t= We too %ust "e *i&&in to do *hat is riht! and our re*ard *i&& sure&$ co%e= Stud$ the Word o6 9od reu&ar&$! and then *hen trou"&e co%es! $ou *i&& a&read$ ha3e $our spiritua& tan. 6u&& o6 6ue& that *i&& ena"&e $ou to %a.e riht choices= Dont "e the .ind o6 person *ho pra$s or has ti%e 6or 9od on&$ *hen $ou 6ee& &i.e it or ha3e a disaster= See. 9od "ecause $ou .no* $ou cannot na3iate sa6e&$ in this *or&d *ithout )i%= Tru&$! *e can do nothin o6 an$ 3a&ue *ithout )i%= +ou +ou and I can &et &et our %inds dri6t dri6t ai%&ess&$ da$ da$ a6ter da$ and *e can "e contro&&ed "$ our e%otions! or *e can choose to ird up our %inds! choose our thouhts care6u&&$! and %anae our e%otions= 9od has set "e6ore us &i6e and death! ood and e3i&! and has i3en us the responsi"i&it$ o6 %a.in the choice see Deut= (8:17=
I6 $ou choose *hat is riht *hen it sti&& 6ee&s *ron! $ou *i&& "e ro*in spiritua&&$ and %a.in proress to*ard the &i6e $ou rea&&$ *ant to en@o$= Doin *hat is eas$ %eans stanation or! e3en *orse! a reression o6 an$ proress that has "een %ade in the past= 9od is ne3er %otion&ess= )e is a&*a$s %o3in! and )e in3ites us to 6o&&o* )i%= I &i.e to sa$! 9et in! et out! or et run o3er=G Decide to "e red hot on 6ire 6or 9od! or decide to "e co&d! "ut dont &i3e in the deception o6 %ere&$ "ein &u.e*ar%= We can %o3e *ith 9od! "ut i6 *e %o3e aainst )i% "$ inorin )is princip&es! *e *i&& reap *hat *e so* and *e *i&& not &i.e the har3est *e et= 3cience 4nd he rain
Dr= Caro&ine Lea6 has "een in the 6ie&d o6 &earnin! inte&&ience! and "rain research 6or %ore than t*ent$6i3e $ears= As a "ornaain Christian *or.in in uni3ersities! she rea&iJed there *as a &in. "et*een science and the "rain= She states that this "eca%e 3er$ rea& to her a6ter readin %$ "oo. tit&ed The Batt&e6ie&d o6 the -ind= She rea&iJed that I *as disco3erin as a Bi"&e teacher *hat she *as a&so disco3erin as a scientist= She teaches 6ro% a scienti6ic 3ie*point ho* peop&e can put ne* in6or%ation into their "rains "$ si%p&$ choosin ne* thouhts= Dr= Lea6 has pro3en scienti6ica&&$! "$ *atchin the acti3it$ o6 the "rain durin research! that *e can rep&ace da%ain o&d thouhts *ith ne*
ones= She states that the ner3e ce&&s in our "rains rese%"&e &itt&e trees *ith %an$ "ranches= Durin an inter3ie* on %$ te&e3ision sho*! Dr= Lea6 stated the 6o&&o*in: I teach peop&e to understand that a thouht is a rea& thin= I thin. %an$ peop&e thin. that a thouht is %ere&$ so%ethin out there that the$ cant 6ee& or touch= But! its actua&&$ a rea& thin= As $oure thin.in! $oure actua&&$ "ui&din %e%ories in $our "rain and the thouhts in $our "rain &oo. &i.e trees= The interestin thin is that i6 the thouht is a ood one! "ased on so%ethin positi3e! positi3e! that it actua&&$ a ctua&&$ &oo.s di66erent in the "rain than a neati3e thouht does= The to>ic thouht! as I re6er to the%! *i&& a66ect $our entire "od$= The$ 6or% a di66erent t$pe o6 che%ica& than a positi3e thouht does= The to>ic thouht causes &itt&e thorns to ro* on the "ranches in the ner3e ce&&s= These thorns are actua&&$ a &itt&e poc.et o6 che%ica&s! and those che%ica&s are to>ic= The$ suirt out their poison that can %a.e $ou sic.= The poison oes 6irst to the heart and "eins to cho.e it! then it oes to the i%%une s$ste% and "rea.s do*n $our de6enses and %a.es it easier 6or disease to er%inate in $our "od$= "od$= I as.ed Dr= Lea6 i6 *e cou&d do an$thin a"out the da%ae that has a&read$ "een done! and she assured %e that the ans*er is $es= She said! Within 6our da$s $ou can chane $our
neura& circuitr$= E3en as $oure &istenin to %e no*! $oure chanin it= It ta.es 6our da$s to start ta.in the thorns o66 the trees= It ta.es t*ent$one da$s to actua&&$ esta"&ish a %e%or$ *ithout the thorns! and then $ou ro* a ne* %e%or$ o3er the o&d one=G We &earn 6ro% 9ods Word that *e are to rene* our %inds and attitudes throuh stud$ and %editatin on 9ods Word! and throuh that rene*a& *e can enter the ood &i6e 9od has p&anned 6or us= Dr= Lea6 states that repentance and 6ori3in an$one *e are anr$ at are the "est *a$s to start ettin the thorns o66 our "ranches= She a&so stated that e3en a6ter a&& the thorns are one! *e can re"ui&d the% "$ "einnin to thin. neati3e&$ aain= The rene*in o6 the %ind is a constant! &i6e&on process! and to "e honest! *e %ust *or. on it e3er$ da$= Decision and con6ession: I a&*a$s "e&ie3e the "est o6 e3er$ person! and I a% 3er$ positi3e=
C)APTER 7 Words Are Fue& For E%otions
Words are 6ue& 6or e%otions! @ust as thouhts are= As a %atter o6 6act! our *ords i3e our thouhts 3er"a& e>pression= Its "ad enouh to thin. so%ethin neati3e! "ut 3er"a&iJin neati3it$ %a.es it e3en *orse= The e66ect it has on us is inesti%a"&e= Oh! ho* I *ish that e3er$one in the *or&d understood the po*er o6 their *ords and *ou&d &earn to discip&ine *hat co%es out o6 their %ouths= Words are containers 6or po*er! and as such the$ ha3e a direct e66ect on our e%otions= Words 6ue& ood %oods or "ad %oods? in 6act! the$ 6ue& our attitudes and ha3e a hue i%pact on our &i3es and our re&ationships= 4 man has &o" in making an apt answer, answer, and a word spoken at the right moment7how moment7how good it is? (Proverbs 1E:/)
In Pro3er"s #1:#( *e are to&d that i6 *e uard our %ouths and tonues! *e *i&& .eep ourse&3es 6ro% trou"&e= Pro3er"s a&so te&&s us that death and &i6e are in the po*er o6 the tonue! and the$ *ho indu&e in it sha&& eat the 6ruit o6 it H6or death or &i6eG 15:#1= The %essae cannot "e an$ c&earer than that= I6 *e spea. positi3e and ood thins! then *e %inister &i6e
to ourse&3es= We increase the e%otion o6 @o$= )o*e3er! i6 *e spea. neati3e *ords! then *e %inister death and %iser$ to ourse&3es? *e increase our sadness! and our %ood p&u%%ets= Wh$ not he&p $ourse&6 6irst thin e3er$ da$' Dont et up each %ornin and *ait to see ho* $ou 6ee& and then rehearse e3er$ 6ee&in to an$one *ho *i&& &isten= I6 $ou do that! $ou are i3in $our e%otions authorit$ o3er $ou= +ou "eco%e the ser3ant o6 $our e%otions! and that is de6inite&$ not a ood position to "e in= 3ometimes 8ust alking oes 5ake It 3o
)arr$ ot up $esterda$ %ornin and 6e&t a &itt&e do*n= )e didnt understand *h$ he 6e&t the *a$ he did! and he "ean to co%p&ain to his *i6e= )e said! I dont .no* *h$ I 6ee& so do*n toda$= I thin. I% ettin depressed= And this is not a ood da$ 6or a "ad %ood "ecause I ha3e a presentation to %a.e at *or. that *i&& deter%ine *hether or not *e et that ne* account I to&d $ou a"out=G Throuhout his sho*er and "rea.6ast! "rea.6ast! hed thin.! I *ish I 6e&t happier! I% 6ee&in *orse as the %inutes tic. "$! and What a da$ to "e in a &ous$ %ood= B$ the ti%e )arr$ &e6t 6or *or.! he *as dreadin the da$= On the *a$ to the o66ice! he hit a %a@or tra66ic @a% due to a "ro.en tra66ic &iht= 9reat This is @ust reat!G he said to no one in particu&ar= This is a&& I
need= No*! on top o6 ho* I 6ee&! I% oin to "e &ate= ;ust *hat *hat I needed %ore pressure=G pressure=G )e ot throuh the tra66ic and as he atte%pted to enter the par.in arae he a&*a$s used! he 6ound the entrance "&oc.ed o66 *ith a sin ad3isin that the par.in space &ines *ere "ein repainted that da$= )is 6rustration and sour %ood san. e3en 6urther= The %ore upset he "eca%e! the *orse his %ood ot! and the *orse his %ood ot! the %ore he said that 6ed it and %ade it e3en *orse= )arr$ 6ina&&$ ot to his o66ice and *ent o3er his notes one &ast ti%e "e6ore %a.in his *a$ to the "oardroo% to %eet the potentia& ne* c&ient= Se3era& %inor thins happened that ara3ated hi%= One %an said the roo% *as co&d and as.ed i6 the heat cou&d "e turned up= )arr$ *as a&read$ hot )e *as @ust a"out to "ein his presentation *hen so%eone ot a ca&& on his ce&& phone= E3er$thin had to "e put on ho&d *hi&e the entire roup chec.ed to %a.e sure their phones *ere o66= )arr$ *as thin.in thins that *ere not nice! such as: These stupid peop&e! *h$ didnt the$ thin. o6 that "e6ore the %eetin "ean' When he started his presentation! his tone o6 3oice *as a "it sharp= )e didnt s%i&e once durin the presentationit ne3er occurred to hi% to= B$ no* Satan *as in6&uencin )arr$s %ind! %outh! %ood! and attitude= The *ho&e ti%e he *as i3in his presentation he *as thin.in! This is use&ess? the$ *ont choose us= I% doin a terri"&e @o"! @o"! and it is a&&
"ecause I @ust happened to *a.e up in a "ad %ood= I dont .no* *h$ thins &i.e this happen= The$ a&*a$s happen at the *ron ti%e= I needed a ood %ood toda$ and &ots o6 @o$6u& 6ee&ins! "ut instead I ot depression= Wh$ did I ha3e to 6ee& this *a$ toda$ o6 a&& da$s' )arr$ did not et the account! his "oss *as not p&eased *ith hi%! and he *as se3ere&$ repri%anded 6or his attitude= )e *ent "ac. into his o66ice! shut the door! and ca&&ed his *i6e= Once aain he rehearsed a&& his "ad &uc.= )e ta&.ed a"out it 6or 6ort$6i3e %inutes %inutes and then said he *as so depressed he cou&dnt e3en ta&. an$%ore= The stor$ o6 )arr$ is 6ictiona&! "ut its a&so c&assic? thins &i.e this happen to peop&e a&& the ti%e= But 3er$ 6e* e3er rea&iJe the$ cou&d ha3e turned the da$ around ear&$ in the %ornin "$ choosin to thin. on so%ethin ood and sa$ positi3e thins no %atter ho* the$ 6e&t *hen the$ *o.e up= +ou and I can turn a "ad %ood around "$ ta&.in a"out so%ethin happ$= Ta&. a"out $our "&essins! or so%ethin $ou are &oo.in 6or*ard to! and $ou *i&& soon see $our %ood i%pro3e= I a% not suestin that $ou can contro& e3er$ e%otion $ou ha3e *ith $our *ords! "ut I .no* 6ro% e>perience that $ou can he&p $ourse&6= We can ta&. ourse&3es into a "etter %ood *hen *e need to= Wh$ do *e 6ee& the *a$ *e 6ee&' Perhaps it is "ecause *e ta&. the *a$ *e ta&.
he -ise 5an2s 5ind Instructs 6is 5outh
The Bi"&e spea.s o6 *ise %en and 6oo&ish %en= It sa$s that the 6oo&s %outh is his ruin! and his &ips are a snare trap to hi% see Pro3= 15:4= A person *ou&d need to "e 6oo&ish indeed to use her o*n %outh and *ords to ruin her o*n &i6e! "ut peop&e do it a&& the ti%e= Wh$' Si%p&$ "ecause the$ dont understand the po*er o6 *ords= We .no* that our *ords i%pact other peop&e! "ut do *e rea&iJe that our *ords i%pact ourse&3es and our &i3es' )arr$ is a per6ect e>a%p&e= )is stor$ %a$ "e 6ictiona&! "ut *e a&& .no* peop&e &i.e )arr$ in rea& &i6e *ho ta&. the%se&3es into a&& .inds o6 "ad situations= Its no *onder Pro3er"s 14:#8 te&&s us that he *ho has a *a$*ard and croo.ed %ind 6inds no ood! and he *ho has a *i&&6u& and contrar$ tonue *i&& 6a&& into ca&a%it$ ca&a% it$=G =G One o6 the "iest %ista.es *e %a.e is to thin. *e ha3e no contro& o3er ho* *e 6ee& or *hat *e do= 9od has i3en us a spirit o6 discip&ine and se&6contro&! and it is ca&&ed se&6contro& "ecause 9od i3es us this too& to contro& ourse&3es= We a&& ha3e it! "ut do *e use it' An$thin *e ha3e "ut ne3er use "eco%es dor%ant and po*er&ess= Do $ou *or. out reu&ar&$' Wh$ do $ou do that' +ou e>ercise to .eep $our "ones and $our %usc&es stronto uard $our hea&th= The *riter o6 Pro3er"s a&so te&&s us that he *ho
uards his %outh and his tonue .eeps hi%se&6 6ro% trou"&esG #1:#(= That That is a *ise %an= -i&&ions o6 peop&e &i3e %isera"&e and un6ruit6u& &i3es "ecause the$ are decei3ed= The$ "e&ie3e the$ are %ere&$ 3icti%s o6 *hate3er co%es their *a$= I6 the$ *a.e up 6ee&in depressed! the$ o66er no resistance! "ut erroneous&$ assu%e that the$ %ust "eha3e the *a$ the$ 6ee&= I .no* this 3er$ *e&& "ecause I &i3ed in this sa%e t$pe o6 deception 6or a &are part o6 %$ &i6e= I6 the decei3ed person is o66ended and 6ee&s anr$! he usua&&$ e>presses his aner and e3en hans on to it as i6 it is a "att&e priJe= It occurs to 3er$ 6e* that the$ can &et the aner o and trust 9od to ta.e care o6 their 3indication= The *or&d is 6i&&ed *ith discouraed! do*ntrodden indi3idua&s *ho cou&d %a.e their situations "etter "$ si%p&$ choosin to continue on in hope= Once *e &earn the po*er o6 hope and practice it! it is a hard ha"it to "rea.= ;ust as a person can 6or% a ha"it o6 "ein discouraed each ti%e thins dont o her *a$! she can &earn to encourae herse&6 throuh hopin that a "&essin is riht around the corner= What *e sa$ in di66icu&t ti%es deter%ines ho* &on the di66icu&t$ *i&& &ast and ho* intense the di66icu&t$ *i&& "eco%e= I a% certain&$ not sa$in that *e can contro& e3er$thin that happens to us "$ choosin riht *ords to spea.! "ut *e can contro& ho* *e respond to the thins that happen to us! and choosin riht thouhts and *ords he&ps us do that= +ou cant
contro& the *ind! "ut $ou can ad@ust the sai&s= 3a" -hat ;ou 3a" Bn Purpose
I ha3e pro"a"&$ ne3er *ritten a "oo. that did not inc&ude so%e teachin a"out the po*er o6 *ords! and I pro"a"&$ ne3er *i&&= That is ho* i%portant this su"@ect is! and I *ant $ou to ta.e it serious&$= There is a ti%e to ta&. and a ti%e to .eep si&ent= So%eti%es the "est thin *e can do is sa$ nothin= When *e do sa$ so%ethin! it is *isdo% to thin. 6irst and "e purpose6u& in *hat *e sa$= I6 *e tru&$ "e&ie3e that our *ords are 6i&&ed *ith &i6e or death! *h$ *ou&dnt *e choose *hat *e sa$ %ore care6u&&$'
I 6ir%&$ "e&ie3e that i6 *e do *hat *e can do! 9od *i&& do *hat *e cannot do= We can contro& *hat co%es out o6 our %ouths *ith the he&p o6 the )o&$ Spirit and "$ app&$in princip&es o6 discip&ine= E3en *hen *e ta&. a"out our pro"&e%s or the thins that are "otherin us! *e can ta&. a"out the% in a positi3e and hope6u& *a$ *a$= I ha3e "een ha3in so%e "ac. pro"&e%s! and %$ dauhter Sand$ ca&&ed this %ornin to see ho* %$ "ac. *as= I to&d her it *as sti&& hurtin! "ut that I *as than.6u& it *asnt as "ad as it cou&d ha3e "een= I said!
I a% s&eepin *e&&! and that is a positi3e thin=G In other *ords! I didnt den$ the pro"&e%! "ut I a% %a.in an e66ort to ha3e a positi3e out&oo.= I a% deter%ined to &oo. at *hat I do ha3e and not @ust at *hat I dont ha3e= I .no* in ti%e the "ac.ache *i&& "e ta.en care o6! and I "e&ie3e that unti& then! 9od *i&& i3e %e the strenth to do *hat I need to do= In 1711! the -ona Lisa turned up %issin and cou&d not "e 6ound 6or t*o $ears= It had "een sto&en= But an interestin pheno%enon o6 hu%an nature occurred= In the t*o $ears o6 its a"sence! %ore peop&e &oo.ed at the spot *here it pre3ious&$ rested than had actua&&$ seen the paintin in the t*o $ears prior to its the6t= ;ust &i.e &i.e a&& those 3isitors 3isitors to the the Lou3re! %an$ %an$ o6 us spend our &i3es %ore concerned a"out *hats %issin than a"out *hat *e ha3e! and sad&$ *e o6ten ta&. %ore a"out our pro"&e%s than *e do our "&essins= Ta&.in a"out pro"&e%s causes us to 6ocus on the%! and as I sa$ o6ten! What *e 6ocus on "eco%es &arer and &arer=G I "e&ie3e that %iser$ is an option Thins dont %a.e us %isera"&e *ithout our per%ission= Ro"ert Schu&&er said! The ood ne*s is that the "ad ne*s can "e turned into ood ne*s *hen $ou chane $our attitude=G And i6 $ou cant %uster up a ood attitude concernin so%ethin $oure unhapp$ a"out! $ou can at &east tr$ to do*np&a$ the neati3e=
-$ 6riend Antoinette! *ho &i3es in Ne* +or.! to&d %e a"out so%ethin that occurred recent&$ that upset her terri"&$= She *as dri3in ho%e 6ro% 3isitin re&ati3es at the end o6 -e%oria& Da$ *ee.end= As she approached the 9eore Washinton Bride! hundreds o6 cars "ott&enec.ed as the$ approached a hand6u& o6 to&& "ooths= Tra66ic *as %o3in 3er$ s&o*&$! and as she *as 6o&&o*in a "i S/ in 6ront o6 her throuh a series o6 tra66ic cones! she heard a siren 6ro% "ehind! and a po&ice%an to&d her throuh a %eaphone to stop and et out o6 the car= )e proceeded to treat her &i.e a cri%ina&! "ar.in orders 6or her to hand o3er her &icense! reistration! and insurance papers and et "ac. into her car= She had no idea *hat shed done *ron! and po&ite&$ as.ed hi% *hat the pro"&e% *as= )e inored her uestion and started *ritin a tic.et= A 6e* %inutes &ater he ca&&ed her "ac. to his car and said! +ou sa* those cones= No* $oure oin to court=G To %a.e %atters *orse! the tic.et had no 6ine! "ut it did ha3e a court dateshe *as ordered to appear "e6ore a @ude three *ee.s &ater= No* she *ou&d ha3e to ta.e ti%e o66 6ro% *or. to appear in court and she didnt e3en .no* *hat she had done *ron She had "een under a &ot o6 pressure! and that incident set her o66 co%p&ete&$= She started cr$in! cried her *a$ across the "ride! and *as sti&& cr$in *hen she arri3ed ho%e ha&6 an hour &ater= O"3ious&$! she *as upset a"out %ore than @ust the tic.et=
Nor%a&&$! she *ou&d ha3e to&d her 6riends and her co&&eaues at *or. a"out the incident! since it *as the o3erridin %e%or$ o6 her ho&ida$ *ee.end= But o3er the ne>t da$ or so! *hene3er she *as te%pted to te&& the stor$! she stopped herse&6= It occurred to her that ta&.in a"out the incident *ou&d @ust rein6orce her "ad %ood and upset her= So *hen her 6riends as.ed her a"out her *ee.end! she @ust ta&.ed ta&.ed a"out the ood ood parts and didnt te&& the% the% a"out her encounter *ith the &a*= Antoinette &earned uite a &esson: "$ decidin not to ta&. a"out her trou"&es! she actua&&$ *as a"&e to .eep her tur%oi& do*n to a %ini%u%= I6 $ou *i&& %a.e a decision that $ou are oin to sa$ as &itt&e as possi"&e a"out $our pro"&e%s and disappoint%ents in &i6e! the$ *ont do%inate $our thouhts and $our %ood= And i6 $ou ta&. as %uch as possi"&e a"out $our "&essins and hope6u& e>pectations! e>pectations! $our 6ra%e o6 %ind *i&& %atch the%= Be sure each da$ is 6i&&ed *ith *ords that 6ue& @o$! not aner! depression! "itterness! and 6ear= Ta&. $ourse&6 into a "etter %ood Find so%ethin positi3e to sa$ in e3er$ situation= A &itt&e "o$ *as o3erheard ta&.in to hi%se&6 as he strutted throuh the "ac.$ard! *earin his "ase"a&& cap and totin a "a&& and "at: I% the reatest hitter in the *or&d!G he announced= Then he tossed the "a&&
into the air! s*un at it! and %issed= Stri.e oneG he $e&&ed= /ndaunted! he pic.ed up the "a&& and said aain! I% the reatest hitter in the *or&dG )e tossed the "a&& into the air= When it ca%e do*n he s*un aain and %issed= Stri.e t*oG he cried= The "o$ then paused a %o%ent to e>a%ine his "at and "a&& care6u&&$= )e spit on his hands and ru""ed the% toether= )e straihtened his cap and said once %ore! I% the reatest hitter in the *or&dG Aain he tossed the "a&& up into the air and s*un at it= )e %issed= Stri.e three Wo*G he e>c&ai%ed= I% the reatest pitcher in the *or&dG This "o$ had such a positi3e attitude that he conc&uded i6 he %issed the "a&& three ti%es! the on&$ possi"&e reason *as that he *as such a reat pitcher e3en he cou&d not hit his o*n pitchin= )e *as deter%ined to sa$ so%ethin positi3e! and I stron&$ i%aine that deter%ination .ept hi% 6ro% ettin discouraed discouraed and in a "ad! sad %ood= Decision and con6ession: I *i&& sa$ positi3e! hope6u& thins no %atter ho* I 6ee&=
C)APTER 18 Can I Contro& So%ethin For A Chane' Its no *onder that *e hu%ans *ant to contro& thins theres so %uch thats out o6 our contro&= But un6ortunate&$! rather than "otherin to tr$ to contro& ourse&3es! *e usua&&$ tr$ to contro& *hat *e shou&d not tr$ to contro&= I spent $ears tr$in to contro& the peop&e in %$ &i6e as *e&& as a&& %$ circu%stances "ecause I *as a6raid o6 "ein hurt or ta.en ad3antae o6= But the on&$ thin I achie3ed *as constant&$ "ein 6rustrated and anr$= It too. %e a &on ti%e to rea&iJe that peop&e respond 3er$ de6ensi3e&$ *hen *e tr$ to contro& the%= E3er$one has a 9odi3en riht to 6reedo% o6 choice! and the$ resent an$one *ho tries to ta.e that 6ro% the%= I 6ina&&$ rea&iJed that *hat I *as doin *as unod&$! and there6ore it *as ne3er oin to *or.= Not on&$ *ou&d I ne3er ha3e peace "ecause o6 %$ "eha3ior! "ut I *as a&so s$ste%atica&&$ a&ienatin %ost o6 the peop&e I *anted to ha3e a re&ationship *ith= Sad&$! I *asted a &ot o6 $ears in this i%possi"&e pursuit "e6ore I rea&iJed that 9od *anted %e to i3e )i% contro& o6 e3er$ area o6 %$ &i6e= When $ou stop to thin. a"out it! )e is in contro& an$*a$ But our peace co%es as *e surrender our desire to "e in chare and instead trust in )i%= 9od desires that *e use the *onder6u& too&s )e has
supp&ied to contro& ourse&3es instead o6 tr$in to contro& peop&e and thins= )e has i3en us )is Word! )is )o&$ Spirit! and a *ide 3ariet$ o6 ood 6ruit that *e can de3e&op= Se&6contro& is actua&&$ a 6ruit o6 the Spirit&ed &i6e see 9a&= 0:###(= I6 $ou ha3e a tendenc$ to*ard *antin to contro& the peop&e and circu%stances in $our &i6e! I *ant to stron&$ suest that $ou i3e it up and start contro&&in $ourse&6 instead= This is $our opportunit$ to sa$! I a% in contro&=G A&thouh &earnin to contro& ourse&3es reuires patience and endurance! it is *e&& *orth it in the end= -$ circu%stances ha3e %uch &ess contro& o3er %e no*! si%p&$ "ecause %$ 6irst response is usua&&$ to *or. *ith 9od in ho* I a% oin to respond to the circu%stance= I a% in contro& "$ "ein in contro& o6 %$se&6= When $our circu%stance is unp&easant or e3en do*nriht pain6u&! e>ercise se&6contro&= Sa$ so%ethin positi3e positi3e &i.e! This too *i&& pass! and it *i&& *or. out 6or %$ ood in the end=G Then discip&ine $ourse&6 to put $our ti%e into so%ethin that *i&& "ene6it so%eone e&se= The "est %edicine is to do so%ethin ood in response to the e3i& co%in aainst $ou= 6appiest -hen 6elping
A stud$ on the princip&e o6 the 9o&den Ru&e *as conducted "$ Bernard Ri%&and! director o6 the Institute 6or Chi&d Beha3ior Research= Each person
in3o&3ed in the stud$ *as as.ed to &ist ten peop&e he .ne* "est and to &a"e& the% as happ$ or not happ$= Then the$ *ere to o throuh the &ist aain and &a"e& each one as se&6ish or unse&6ish= Ri%&and 6ound that a&& the peop&e &a"e&ed happ$ *ere a&so &a"e&ed unse&6ish= The happiest peop&e are those *ho he&p others!G he conc&uded= Do unto unto others as $ou *ou&d ha3e the% do unto $ou=G 9od i3es us an a"i&it$ to &o3e others at a&& ti%es! "ut this a"i&it$ is de3e&oped de3e&oped on&$ as *e e>ercise it? and *e a&& .no* that e>ercise reuires discip&ine and se&6contro&= Start doin the riht thin on purpose! rather than %ere&$ "ein a s&a3e to ho* $ou 6ee& at the %o%ent= We dont ha3e to *ait to see ho* *e 6ee& a"out a thin and then respond= We can respond proper&$ no %atter ho* *e 6ee&= Do $ou rea&&$ *ant to "e a s&a3e a&& o6 $our &i6e to $our e%otions' I a% sure $ou dont! "ut $ou are the on&$ one *ho can pre3ent that 6ro% happenin= Discip&ine %iht "e one o6 the %ost %isunderstood entities o6 a&& ti%e= I dont thin. I .no* an$one *ho "rea.s into a s%i&e in anticipation o6 e>ercisin discip&ine= But the truth is that discip&ine is our 6riend! not our ene%$= It he&ps us &i3e the &i6e that *e *i&& en@o$ the %ost *hen a&& is said and done= Discip&ine %a$ %a$ not put a s%i&e on our 6aces *hi&e it is in action! "ut its 6ruit is a success6u& and @o$6u& &i6e=
I dou"t that it is possi"&e to 6ind a happ$ and success6u& person *ho does not reu&ar&$ discip&ine hi%se&6= I to&d $ou in the "einnin that $ou *ou&d need to %a.e decisions as $ou read this "oo.= No %atter *hat $ou read or stud$! it *i&& not he&p $ou un&ess $ou %a.e decisions= Do $ou *ant to "e happ$ and success6u&' I6 $ou do! then discip&ine is a %ust! and discip&inin the e%otions is especia&&$ i%portant= The hu%an persona&it$ consists o6 rouh&$ 6our6i6ths e%otions and one6i6th inte&&ect= inte&&ect= This %eans our decisions are %ade on the "asis o6 58 percent e%otion and #8 percent inte&&ect or reason= Its no *onder that *e see so %an$ peop&e %a.e "ad decisions -an$ o6 our decisions are ood! "ut i6 *e dont 6o&&o* throuh on the%! the$ %ean nothin= E%otion %a$ he&p us et started in the riht direction! "ut it is rare&$ there at the 6inish &ine= Sooner or &ater *e %ust press 6or*ard *ithout the support o6 e%otion and e%p&o$ discip&ine= Trans&ated 6ro% the 9ree. &anuae! the *ord discip&ine %eans sa3in the %ind or to "e sa6e? an ad%onish%ent or ca&&in to soundness o6 %ind or to se&6contro&=G se&6contro&=G In other *ords! a person *ho is thin.in proper&$ *ith soundness o6 %ind *i&& discip&ine a&& areas o6 her &i6e= I "e&ie3e our thouhts! *ords! and e%otions are a%on the %ost i%portant areas *e need to discip&ine= A discip&ined person %ust %aintain the correct %enta& attitude to*ard
issues that arise= It is %uch easier to %aintain a riht attitude than to reain it once it is &ost= Dont &et that thouht pass "$ *ithout thin.in it o3er= Let %e sa$ it aain: It is %uch easier to %aintain a riht attitude than to reain it once it is &ost= od did not give us a spirit of timidit" (of cowardice, cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear, but #6e has given us a spirit$ of power and of love and of calm and well>balanced mind and discipline and self>control. (/ imoth" 1:F
We can c&ear&$ see 6ro% this scripture that 9od has euipped us *ith a sound %ind! one that sta$s ca&% not e%otiona&! *e&&"a&anced! discip&ined! and se&6 contro&&ed= )o*e3er! *e %ust choose to use our sound %inds= )a3in a thin does no ood i6 *e dont use it! and it is a&%ost a&*a$s pain6u& to start usin so%ethin that has &ain dor%ant 6or a &on ti%e= When I started *or.in out at the $% and usin the %usc&e I a&read$ had! I can assure $ou it *as pain6u&= It stands to reason that i6 an$ person has a&&o*ed his e%otions to ha3e contro& and has spent %ost o6 his &i6e doin *hat he 6e&t &i.e doin! it *i&& "e pain6u& *hen he "eins to e>ercise discip&ine= It is a&*a$s hard to do so%ethin *e are not accusto%ed to doin! "ut i6 *e dont do it! *e *i&& "e sorr$ &ater on= Da3e sa$s! We can either %a.e ourse&3es accounta"&e or *e *i&& e3entua&&$ "e %ade
accounta"&e accounta"&e "$ our circu%stances=G circu%stances=G I6 a person doesnt discip&ine their spendin! the$ *i&& e3entua&&$ "e %ade accounta"&e "$ the de"t the$ ha3e incurred and the pressure and pro"&e%s it causes= I6 a person doesnt discip&ine herse&6 to do *hat is needed in order to %aintain a ood %arriae! she %a$ end up in a %ess$ di3orce *ith &ots o6 peop&e ettin hurt= )annah Whiteha&& S%ith! the author o6 The Christians Christians Secret o6 a )app$ Li6e! said! 9od discip&ines the sou& "$ in*ard e>ercises and out*ard pro3idences=G What she %eans is that 9od *i&& put into our hearts the riht thin to do in e3er$ situation! "ut i6 *e choose not to do it! then )e *i&& a&&o* our circu%stances to "eco%e our teacher= I -ant It, and I 4m oing to et It?
A&thouh deter%ination is a reat asset and 3ita& to success! it can "e 3er$ unattracti3e and danerous i6 it is rooted in 6&esh&$! carna& passions rather than in 9ods *i&&= The "oo. o6 ;ude %entions three %en *hose attitude *as I *ant it! and I a% oin to et itG That attitude "rouht destruction into each o6 their &i3es= -oe to them? or the" have run riotousl" in the wa" wa" of @ain, and have have abandoned themselves for the sake of gain #it offers them, following$ the
error of alaam, and have perished in rebellion #like that$ of Horah? (v. (v. 11
Cain! Ba&aa%! and Morah a&& a"andoned the%se&3es to un"rid&ed e%otion 6or the sa.e o6 *hat the$ thouht it *ou&d "rin the%! and their re"e&&ion aainst 9od and the *isdo% )e had p&aced in the% caused the% to perish= Cain *anted the 6a3or that his "rother! A"e&! had *ith 9od! "ut he didnt *ant to do *hat A"e& did to et it= A"e& had "rouht his 3er$ "est o66erin to 9od! *hi&e Cain "rouht so%ethin! "ut not his "est= 9od accepted A"e& and his o66erin "ut not Cains! and *hen Cain disp&a$ed @ea&ous$ and hatred to*ard his "rother! 9od said! Sin crouches at $our door? its desire is 6or $ou! "ut $ou %ust %aster itG 9en= ,:4= Cain didnt dea& *ith his sin6u& passion and *ron desire! and he rose up and .i&&ed his "rother= Because he did not discip&ine his e%otions! he *ou&d spend the re%ainder o6 his &i6e &i3in under a curse= 9od to&d hi% that *hen he ti&&ed the round it *ou&d not $ie&d its strenth? that he *ou&d "e a 6uiti3e and a 3aa"ond on the earth! &i3in in perpetua& e>i&e! a deraded outcast= ;ust stop 6or a %o%ent and as. $ourse&6 *hether his un"rid&ed e%otions "rouht hi% @o$ and success= In Nu%"ers 12 *e %eet Morah! one o6 #08 %en *ho rose up aainst -oses! 9ods chosen %an to &ead the
Israe&ites into the Pro%ised Land= Apparent&$! Morah and his associates didnt &i.e the choice that 9od had %ade! and the$ *ere @ea&ous o6 -oses authorit$= The$ athered toether aainst -oses and Aaron! co%p&ainin that the$ *ere &i6tin the%se&3es up a"o3e e3er$one e&se= In other *ords! -oses! *e dont &i.e $our attitude= Who do $ou thin. $ou are' Dont tr$ to te&& us *hat to do "ecause *e are @ust as i%portant as $ou are=G The$ %issed the entire point! *hich *as that 9od had put -oses in the @o" he had! and it *as their @o" to su"%it to 9ods choice= Their "&essin *ou&d ha3e "een in their su"%ission! "ut the$ &istened to their 6ee&ins instead o6 *isdo%= When -oses heard *hat the$ said! he "ean to pra$ 6or the%! .no*in ho* danerous their re"e&&ious *ords *ere= To %a.e a &on stor$ short! 9od opened a ho&e in the earth and it s*a&&o*ed Morah and his %en and a&& the$ had end o6 stor$ 9od a3e the% an opportunit$ to chane their %inds and rea&iJe ho* "&essed the$ *ere to "e chosen as &eaders! "ut the$ sti&& *ere not satis6ied "ecause the$ *anted *hat -oses had and *ere deter%ined the$ *ere oin to et it= But in the end! the$ not on&$ did not et *hat the$ *anted! "ut the$ &ost e3er$thin the$ had! inc&udin their &i3es= Ba&aa% *as a prophet or a 6orete&&er o6 6uture e3ents= )e *as a %an reat&$ used "$ 9od and one *hose ad3ice *as souht "$ %an$= The .in o6 -oa" *anted Ba&aa% to curse the .ins ene%ies so he
cou&d de6eat the%! "ut Ba&aa% re6used= 9od spo.e to Ba&aa% and to&d hi% not to curse the peop&e "ecause )e had a&read$ "&essed the%= At 6irst Ba&aa% to&d -oa" that he cou&d not co%p&$ *ith his *ishes "ecause 9od had a&read$ i3en hi% direction= -oa" o66ered i6ts and %one$! hopin to persuade Ba&aa% to chane his %ind see Nu%= ##= For a *hi&e! Ba&aa% persisted in doin *hat he .ne* *as riht= But e3entua&&$ reed ot the "est o6 hi%! and he *ent a&on *ith Min -oa"! intendin to atte%pt to o aainst 9od= 9od sent the Ane& o6 the Lord! *ho used a don.e$ to pin the reat prophet aainst the *a&&! crush his 6oot! and spea. to hi%= )o* e%"arrassin it %ust ha3e "een 6or the so ca&&ed reat and souhta6ter %an to "e corrected "$ a don.e$ E3entua&&$! Ba&aa%s e$es *ere opened! and he sa* the ane& *ho to&d hi% that he had "een *i&&6u&&$ o"stinate and contrar$ to*ard 9od= Than.6u&&$! Ba&aa% sa* ho* 6oo&ish he *as "ein "e6ore it *as too &ate and to&d Min -oa" that he had no po*er at a&& to sa$ an$thin e>cept *hat 9od to&d hi% to sa$ see Nu%= ##:(5= I6 *e persist in 6o&&o*in un"rid&ed e%otion! the resu&t *i&& not "e ood! "ut it is ne3er too &ate to et "ac. on the riht path= Cain and Morah did not chane and *ere destro$ed! "ut Ba&aa% %ade a chane "e6ore it *as too &ate= I &o3e &earnin "ecause it i3es %e the option o6 chanin *hat is *ron and doin *hat is riht=
P&ease dont read this "oo. as a s i6 it *ere a nice stor$ a"out other peop&e= App&$ its %essae to $our o*n &i6e! and dont &et e%otion ru&e $ou= ut It eels Gight?
I thin. there are &e3e&s o6 6ee&in! and *e need to "e a"&e to discern the di66erence "et*een sur6ace 6ee&ins and those thins *e 6ee& deep in our hearts= There are ti%es *hen I 6ee& deep in %$ spirit that 9od *ants %e to do or not do a thin! and it is i%portant 6or %e to 6o&&o* those 6ee&ins! "ut there are other %ore sur6ace 6ee&ins that cause %e trou"&e i6 I 6o&&o* the%= For instance! I %iht 6ee& &i.e eatin "ro*nies and ice crea% e3er$ niht 6o&&o*ed "$ a hue "o*& o6 sa&t$ popcorn! "ut it *i&& de6inite&$ cause trou"&e= I *i&& ain *eiht! and I *ont 6ee& as eneretic as I shou&d= As I %entioned ear&ier in the "oo.! *e are spirits *ho ha3e sou&s and "odies= Our spirits are the deepest parts o6 us! and the p&ace *here 9od %a.es )is ho%e a6ter *e recei3e ;esus Christ as our Sa3ior= Our reenerated spirits "eco%e the throne o6 9od and )e spea.s to us! &eadin and uidin us 6ro% there= There are other 6ee&ins *e ha3e that are %ere&$ e%otion and the$ reside in the sou&! a %ore sha&&o* part o6 our "ein= As &on as *e 6o&&o* those 6ee&ins! *e *i&& ne3er et *hat *e tru&$ *ant out o6 &i6e! and *e *i&& actua&&$ %a.e &ots o6 %esses that cause trou"&e 6or us and 6or others= A ood e>a%p&e o6 a person 6o&&o*in a sur6ace
6ee&in is 6ound in 9enesis #4= In his o&d ae! Isaac had &ost his e$esiht= )e .ne* that he *as oin to die soon! and it *as ti%e to i3e the "&essin o6 the 6irst"orn to his e&der son! Esau= )e had t*o sons! Esau and ;aco"! and his *i6e! Re"e.ah! 6a3ored ;aco"= She *anted hi% to ha3e the "&essin rather than Esau= Since Isaac cou&d not see *e&&! Re"e.ah Re"e.ah hatched a p&an to decei3e hi% "$ %a.in hi% "e&ie3e that ;aco" *as Esau= Esau *as a hair$ %an! and ;aco" had s%ooth s.in= Re"e.ah Re"e.ah p&aced an ani%a& s.in on ;aco"s ar% and to&d hi% to o to his 6ather and pretend to "e his "rother= When the specia& %ea& reuired 6or the "&essin cere%on$ *as prepared and it *as ti%e to i3e the "&essin! Isaac 6e&t in his heart that ;aco" cou&d not "e Esau! "ut he 6e&t his ar% and decided it %ust "e Esau "ecause he *as hair$= This sin&e instance o6 6o&&o*in the *ron 6ee&ins caused trou"&e 6or %an$ $ears to co%e= It caused trou"&e "et*een the "rothers? it caused 6ear! hidin! dread o6 "ein cauht! ui&t o3er the deception! and &ots o6 other neati3e e%otions that *ere a&& rooted in the one action o6 6o&&o*in a sur6ace 6ee&in rather than a deeper heart 6ee&in= ;ust i%aine i%aine a&& the neati3e neati3e resu&ts resu&ts *hen *hen a %arried %an has an e>tra%arita& a66air "ecause o6 6ee&ins he e>perienced to*ard another *o%an= Or thin. o6 the $ears that so %an$ spend in prison "ecause the$ 6o&&o*ed 6ee&ins o6 rae or aner and %urdered
so%eone! e3en thouh the$ .ne* deep inside it *as *ron= There are ti%es *hen so%ethin %a$ 6ee& riht! "ut it is *ise to chec. to see *here the 6ee&in is co%in 6ro%= Is it @ust an e%otiona& e %otiona& 6ee&in or is it so%ethin $ou tru&$ 6ee& in $our heart is riht' It eels !ike od2s -ill
)o* can *e .no* the *i&& o6 9od' This is perhaps one o6 the %ost i%portant issues 6or Christians *ho *ant to o"e$ 9od= Sure&$ Isaac *ou&d not ha3e purpose&$ diso"e$ed 9od! "ut "ecause he 6o&&o*ed his 6ee&ins *ithout puttin the% to the test! he did= I @ust 6e&t this is *hat 9od *anted %e to doG can "e a &a%e e>cuse 6or se&6*i&&! "ut the sincere Christian *i&& test the i%pression he has recei3ed to e>a%ine its 3a&idit$= First Thessa&onians 0:#1 states that *e shou&d test e3er$thin and ho&d on to *hat is ood= Satan o6ten appears as an ane& o6 &iht= )e *i&& e3en *hisper Scripture to us to con6ir% so%ethin *e *ant to do! i6 doin it *i&& et us into trou"&e= We can %a.e the Bi"&e sa$ a&%ost an$thin "$ ta.in "its and pieces o6 it! "ut i6 *e e>a%ine e>a%ine a&& o6 Scripture as a *ho&e! it *i&& protect our path= -artin &i.ed cars= In 6act! he *as o"sessed *ith
ha3in a ne* one e3er$ $ear= )e en@o$ed the *ho&e e>perience o6 shoppin 6or the car! testdri3in the car! "arainin *ith the sa&es%an! dri3in it o66 the car &ot! *ashin and po&ishin it in his dri3e*a$! and ha3in the neih"ors co%e o3er to ad%ire it= When -artin *ent out to "u$ his ne* car 6or the current $ear! his *i6e *as set aainst it= She 6e&t that the$ needed to et out o6 de"t instead o6 incurrin %ore de"t= -artin to&d her that he *ou&d pra$ a"out it and *ou&d not do it un&ess he 6e&t that 9od appro3ed= -artin *as sincere a"out hearin 6ro% 9od! "ut he a&so had a 3er$ stron desire 6or the car= As he pra$ed and *aited on 9od! he opened his Bi"&e and his e$es rested on Psa&% 24:2! *hich reads! The earth has $ie&ded its har3est Hin e3idence o6 9ods appro3a&? 9od! e3en our o*n 9od! *i&& "&ess us=G -artin decided that ettin the car he *anted *as his har3est 6or *or.in hard durin the past $ear and that it *as 9ods *a$ o6 "&essin hi%= It is a ood scripture! and certain&$ -artin cou&d ha3e recei3ed it as appro3a& to et the car! e>cept 9ods Word a&so teaches us to et out o6 de"t and that the "orro*er is a ser3ant to the &ender= 9ods Word *arns aainst reed and o3erusin the thins o6 this *or&d= -artins decision *as oin to cause stri6e *ith his *i6e! and the car he a&read$ had *as a per6ect&$ *onder6u& car= The pa$%ent on the ne* car *as oin to "e 108 a %onth %ore than his current pa$%ent! and it *as oin to create the need 6or 6inancia& ad@ust%ents that -artin had decided cou&d co%e 6ro% the 6a%i&$ c&othin a&&o*ance= a&&o*ance= In other
*ords he *as "ein se&6ish! *hich the Bi"&e c&ear&$ teaches aainst= In this instance -artin used Scripture to et his o*n *a$ *ithout honest&$ &oo.in at the *ho&e counse& o6 9ods Word= In ;a%es Do"sons "oo. E%otions: Can +ou Trust The%' he dra*s on the *isdo% o6 -artin We&&s Mnapp! *ho in his 157# "oo. I%pressions suested 6our si%p&e uestions that cou&d "e used to test our ures and i%pressions= I3e paraphrased Mnapps uestions "e&o* and app&ied the% to -artins desire 6or a ne* car: 1= Is *hat $ou *ant to do scriptura&' Is it in har%on$ *ith the entire Bi"&e' #= Is it riht *hen e>a%ined "$ %ora&it$ and decenc$' Certain&$ the purchase o6 an auto%o"i&e is not %ora&&$ *ron or indecent! "ut -artins se&6ish "eha3ior *as not riht= (= Is 9ods pro3idence openin the door 6or *hat *e desire! or are *e .ic.in the door do*n' I6 9od had sudden&$ pro3ided an additiona& 108 per %onth in inco%e! or i6 the car dea&ership had o66ered to ta.e -artins current car in trade and assured hi% the pa$%ent *ou&d "e no hiher than his current one! then he %iht ha3e riht&$ conc&uded that 9od *as
openin the door 6or hi% to ha3e the car= As it *as! thouh! -artin had none o6 those pro3identia& sins= ,= Is it reasona"&e' Was it e3en co%%on sense 6or -artin to 6ee& he %ust ha3e a ne* auto%o"i&e e3er$ $ear! e3en thouh his 6a%i&$ *ou&d need to sacri6ice 6or hi% to do so' Was his decision oin to "ui&d ood 6a%i&$ re&ationships and teach his chi&dren ho* to %anae their 6inances proper&$ as the$ re* into adu&thood' Was his decision consistent *ith the character character o6 9od' We can easi&$ see that i6 -artin had su"%itted his desire to a scriptura& test! he *ou&d ha3e .no*n that purchasin the ne* car at that ti%e *as incorrect= As hu%ans *e sad&$ 6a&& into this pit o6 doin *hat *e *ant to do and then sa$in *e 6e&t it *as 9od urin on our actions= 9od does spea. to )is peop&e and pro%ises to &ead and uide us! "ut it is danerous to "&ind&$ 6o&&o* e3er$ i%pression one recei3es= I eel <%cited 4bout his?
E>cite%ent is a ood 6ee&in? *e a&& en@o$ it= So%eti%es *e need the 6ue& o6 e>cite%ent to he&p us en@o$ a thin! "ut at other ti%es i6 *e %a.e serious decisions "ased on e>cite%ent a&one! it can cause trou"&e=
E>cite%ent %iht "e re6erred to as i%pu&se that is a sudden ure to do a thin= The Bi"&e te&&s us that caterin to i%pu&se is a sin o6 spiritua& i%%aturit$ and is not p&easin to 9od see Ro%= 5:5! 1 Cor= (:1(= I6 *e too. the ti%e to e>a%ine so%e o6 our 6ee&ins! *e *ou&d 6ind the% to "e 3er$ irrationa&= For e>a%p&e! peop&e o6ten co%%it to thins that are actua&&$ i%possi"&e 6or the% to do= The$ co%%it in e>cite%ent or due to an i%pu&se *ithout ta.in the ti%e to consider *hether the$ *i&& "e a"&e to 6inish *hat the$ started= I6 *e are honest! *e ha3e to ad%it that *e create a &ot o6 the %esses in our &i3es ourse&3es= We %a$ "&a%e the% on other thins and peop&e! "ut tru&$ %uch o6 it is our o*n 6au&t= )a3e $ou e3er done an$thin i%pu&si3e&$ and "een 3er$ sorr$ &ater "ut had no *a$ to undo *hat $ou had done' I .no* I ha3e! and I dont thin. there is a *orse 6ee&in in the *or&d 6or %e= I .no* the trou"&e that can "e caused "$ 6o&&o*in sudden ures *ithout e>a%inin the% *ise&$= Fee&ins are 3er$ 6ic.&e= The$ are a&*a$s chanin? the$ co%e and o &i.e the *a3es in the ocean= The$ are up! then do*n! and see% to "e contro&&ed "$ so%e unseen 6orce that *e dont understand= Wh$ do I 6ee& the *a$ I 6ee&'G is a 6reuent&$ as.ed uestion! "ut our con6usion is o6ten &i.e *hat so%eone *ith no scienti6ic .no*&ede %iht 6ee& tr$in to understand *h$ so%eti%es the ocean is s%ooth and 6&at and at other ti%es it is thrashin
a"out *i&d&$= It @ust is! and *e accept that= I6 *e are *ise! *e dont o sai&in in the ocean *hen it is *i&d *ith *a3es that appear danerous! and neither shou&d *e et into our e%otions *hen the$ are *i&d&$ chanin? 6irst up and then do*n! here and there! co%in and oin= The "est thin to do is *ait 6or the% to sett&e "e6ore ta.in an$ action= Ta.e the he&% and sai& $our o*n ship= Dont @ust et into the "oat *ith no"od$ at the he&% and %ere&$ hope that the *a3es o6 &i6e ta.e $ou so%e*here ood= Decision and con6ession: I *i&& contro& ho* I respond to e3er$ situation=
PART II
In the ne>t se3era& chapters! I&& "e addressin e%otions that i3e us particu&ar trou"&e! inc&udin aner! ui&t! "itterness and resent%ent! depression! and discourae%ent= As $ou read! it is 3er$ i%portant that $ou understandand "e&ie3ethat $ou can contro& these unp&easant e%otions= I6 $ou dont! these trou"&in e%otions *i&& end up contro&&in $ou and $our &i6e= The reason $ou can contro& the% is "ecause 9od has supp&ied $ou *ith *hat $ou need to do so= We cannot do an$thin *ithout )is he&p! "ut that is a&*a$s a3ai&a"&e 6or an$one an$one *ho *i&& hu%"&e herse&6 and as. 6or it=
C)APTER 11 Aner The three %ost har%6u& neati3e e%otions are aner! ui&t! and 6ear= And aner is nu%"er one= It is a&so the stronest and %ost danerous o6 a&& passions= When a cri%e is descri"ed as "ein one o6 passion! that %eans it *as 6ue&ed "$ aner= Aner is such a danerous danerous e%otion that peop&e end up in prison "ecause o6 *hat it causes the% to do Whi&e *e need to ta.e e3er$thin the Bi"&e teaches 3er$ serious&$! c&ear&$ its i%portant to pa$ specia& attention to *hat 9od te&&s us a"out aner and ho* to hand&e it= Aner %ani6ests itse&6 in di66erent *a$s= One t$pe o6 aner is characteriJed "$ uic.&$ "&aJin up and then su"sidin @ust as uic.&$= Another t$pe tends to sett&e in and ta.e root? &i.e a &o*rade 3irus! it &iners in the %ind and *aits 6or the per6ect opportunit$ to ta.e re3ene= Another t$pe o6 aner pro3o.es us to ta.e uic. action= Aner can %ani6est in $e&&in! hittin! da%ain! or other*ise "rinin har% to its 6ocus= Aner criticiJes! *ithdra*s! ridicu&es! hu%i&iates! hu%i&iates! despises! teases! and puts do*n? it disrespects! re"e&s! and %a$ e3en turn around and ta.e on the ro&e o6 3icti%= So%e peop&e "ur$ their aner! "ut &i.e a 3o&cano! aner can sta$ under the sur6ace 6or on&$ so &on= One *a$ or another! it *i&& e%ere=
So%e peop&e "eco%e irritated irritated "$ the s&ihtest incon3enience! *hi&e others see% to sta$ ca&% no %atter *hat happens= These di66erences are due part&$ to the te%pera%ent *e each are "orn *ith and part&$ to the circu%stances *e encounter in the ear&$ $ears o6 our &i3es *hi&e our persona&ities are "ein 6or%ed= A&thouh *e cannot use persona&it$ t$peG as an e>cuse 6or a "ad te%per! it is *ise to rea&iJe that di66erent peop&e do hand&e con6&ict di66erent&$= Da3e rare&$ ets upset a"out an$thin e>cept *hi&e hes dri3in= I6 he encounters a rea&&$ rouch$ *aitress or c&er.! instead o6 ettin anr$ "ecause the$ are rude to hi%! he teases the% and tries to et the% in a ood %ood= But i6 so%eone is rude to %e! I% %ore &i.e&$ to 6ee& aner risin and "e te%pted to te&& the% *hat I thin. o6 their "eha3ior= That is e>act&$ *hat I did 6or $ears unti& I &earned ho* to %anae %$ e%otions= I% not a&*a$s success6u&! "ut at &east I succeed %ore than I 6ai&! and a nd the ood ne*s is that I a% sti&& ro*in= I3e o6ten thouht it un6air that I ha3e to *or. so hard at contro&&in %$se&6! *hi&e 6or Da3e! contro& see%s to co%e natura&&$= But *e a&& ha3e strenths and *ea.nesses in di66erent areas= Co%p&ainin a"out our di66erences doesnt chane the%= +ou ha3e to p&a$ the hand $ou are dea&t= Ta.e *hat $ou ha3e and do the "est $ou can *ith it=
Is 4nger 4 3in
-an$ Christians are con6used a"out aner= The$ thin. that as od&$ indi3idua&s the$ shou&d ne3er et anr$= The$ *onder *h$ the$ .eep ha3in to dea& *ith aner *hen its so%ethin the$ dont *ant to 6ee&= Aner can "e an in3o&untar$ response *hether *e *ant to 6ee& it or not= A person *ith da%aed e%otions 6ro% past trau%a or a"use %a$! and pro"a"&$ *i&&! respond in a se&6protecti3e %ode and disp&a$ aner %ore easi&$ than so%eone *ho *as ne3er %istreated= Than.6u&&$! throuh 9ods he&p those da%aed e%otions can "e hea&ed! and *e can &earn to ha3e %ore "a&anced and reasona"&e responses to peop&e! thins! and a nd situations= Not a&& aner is a sin! "ut so%e o6 it is= The Bi"&e spea.s o6 a rihteous aner that e3en 9od )i%se&6 has= It is aner aainst sin! in@ustice! re"e&&ion! pettiness! and other such thins= 9ods Word sa$s! When anr$! do not sinG Eph= ,:#2? and Pro3er"s 12:(# sa$s! )e *ho is s&o* to aner is "etter than the %iht$! he *ho ru&es his Ho*n spirit than he *ho ta.es a cit$=G I reca&& one %ornin as I *as preparin to o to preach! Da3e and I ot into an aru%ent= I *as stud$in and he said so%ethin to %e that %ade %e "&aJe up uic.&$ *ith aner= We said so%e un.ind *ords to each other and then he &e6t 6or *or.= I continued to thin. anr$ thouhts and ha3e anr$ 6ee&ins= Then %$ aner
turned into ui&t and I started thin.in! )o* can I possi"&$ o to church and te&& others ho* to conduct their &i3es accordin to Scripture i6 I cannot contro& %$ aner' The 6ee&ins o6 ui&t not on&$ continued "ut the$ intensi6ied= As the pressure %ounted! I started to 6ee& a&%ost 6rantic *hen sudden&$ I heard 9od *hisper in %$ heart! Aner is not a sin? it is *hat $ou do *ith it that "eco%es sin= That *as one o6 the 6irst &essons 9od a3e %e in understandin that e%otions cannot "e e>pected to %ere&$ o a*a$ "ecause *e ha3e "eco%e Christians! "ut rather *e are to &earn ho* to %anae the%= Ephesians oes on to sa$! Do not e3er &et $our *rath $our e>asperation! $our 6ur$ or indination &ast unti& the sun oes do*nG ,:#2= When *e do ho&d on to aner! it i3es the de3i& a 6ootho&d in our &i3es see 3= #4= This scripture has "een &i6echanin 6or %e "$ he&pin %e &earn %ore a"out e%otions and *hat to do *ith the%= 3inful 4nger
What is the di66erence "et*een apparent&$ innocent e%otions that are @ust a part o6 &i6e and e%otions that are sin6u&' /naccepta"&e and sin6u& aner is that *hich %oti3ates us to hurt our 6e&&o* hu%an "ein= When *e *ant to &ash out 3ene6u&&$ and in6&ict pain on others! *e are de6inite&$ out o6 9ods *i&&= Not e3en the in@ustice o6 others i3es us the riht to in6&ict pain on the%= 9od sa$s c&ear&$ that 3eneance
is )is! and our position is to "e one o6 6aith in )i%! *aitin patient&$ and &o3in&$ as )e *or.s @ustice in our &i3es= When ;esus *as a"out to "e captured prior to )is cruci6i>ion! Peter too. out his s*ord and cut o66 a so&diers ear= ;esus re"u.ed hi% and hea&ed the %ans ear= Peter see%ed to "e @usti6ied in his actions! "ut ;esus conde%ned his "eha3ior= Peter *as i3en to 6its o6 te%per and *as rather e%otiona&! so aner *as his natura& response to thins he did not &i.e or did not 6ee& *ere riht= E3en a short stud$ o6 the &i6e o6 Peter re3ea&s re3ea&s his e%otiona& nature! "ut 9od a&&o*ed hi% to see his o*n shortco%ins and the pro"&e%s the$ caused and Peter *as e3entua&&$ chaned= -oses &ost a pri3i&ee he had &oo.ed 6or*ard to 6or $ears due to uncontro&&ed aner= In Nu%"ers #8:11# *e see that he reacted e%otiona&&$ in aner to*ard the Israe&ites one ti%e too %an$! and 9od to&d hi% he *ou&d not "e per%itted to ta.e the% into the Pro%ised Land= I can understand -oses aner! "ecause &eadin the Israe&ites throuh the *i&derness and &istenin to incessant co%p&ainin *ou&d ha3e %ade %e anr$ too= But to *ho% %uch is i3en! %uch is reuired= -oses *as i3en a pri3i&ee a"o3e other %en! and he *as e>pected to %anae his e%otions= Contro&&in the passion o6 aner! especia&&$ i6 $ou ha3e an aressi3e and outspo.en nature! can "e one
o6 the %ore cha&&enin thins $ou *i&& 6ace in &i6e! "ut contro&&in it is certain&$ possi"&e *ith 9ods he&p= Re%e%"er that a %an *ho contro&s his aner is said to "e stron enouh to conuer an entire cit$ see Pro3= 12:(#= Wi&& $ou %a.e a decision not to &et aner contro& $ou and $our actions' 6atred
Nothin @usti6ies an attitude o6 hatred= I ad%it that I hated %$ 6ather passionate&$ 6or %an$! %an$ $ears= That hatred did not chane %$ 6ather or %a.e hi% pa$ 6or his *rondoin! "ut it did poison %e= It too. a*a$ %$ peace and %$ @o$! and %$ sin o6 hatred separated %e 6ro% the inti%ate presence o6 9od= First ;ohn ,:#8 reads: )e *ho does not &o3e his "rother! *ho% he has seen! cannot &o3e 9od! Who% he has not seen=G We cannot %aintain &o3e 6or 9od and hatred 6or %an in our heart at the sa%e ti%e= When 9od te&&s us to 6ori3e our ene%ies! it is 6or our o*n "ene6it= We %a$ ha3e "een crue crue&&$ &&$ treated and a nd ha3e e3er$ reason to hate so%eone! "ut *e ha3e no riht to= No one *as %ore un@ust&$ treated than ;esus! and $et )e as.ed 9od to 6ori3e )is tor%entors! sa$in the$ did not .no* *hat the$ *ere doin see Lu.e #(:(,= The Bi"&e sa$s the$ hated ;esus *ithout a cause see ;ohn
10:#0= That has a&*a$s see%ed 3er$ sad to %e= )e ca%e 6or on&$ one purpose! and that *as to he&p and "&ess hu%an.ind! and the$ hated )i% "ecause )e *as ood and the$ *ere e3i&= ;ohn te&&s te&&s us that that hatred in our hearts is is eui3a&ent eui3a&ent to %urder see 1 ;ohn (:10= Gighteous 4nger
The Bi"&e spea.s o6 rihteous aner! *hich is aner aainst a&& sin and e3er$thin that o66ends 9od= A"use and in@ustice o6 a&& .inds %a.e %e anr$= I et anr$ at the de3i& *hen I see chi&dren star3in in India! Asia! A6rica! and other p&aces I ha3e tra3e&ed to 6or %ission outreaches= E3en 9od has rihteous aner 9od ot anr$ *hen )e sa* the hardness o6 )is peop&es hearts see -ar. (:0= Than.6u&&$! )is aner is 6or a %o%ent! "ut )is 6a3or is 6or a &i6eti%e see Psa&% (8:0= E3en thouh 9od is s&o* to aner! I a% sure there are %an$ in@ustices in this *or&d that do %a.e )i% anr$= I a% certain&$ &ad )e %anaes )is e%otions! arent $ou' A&thouh rihteous aner is not a sin! *hat *e do *ith it can "eco%e sin= I a% 3er$ anr$ at the de3i&! "ut I ha3e disco3ered that the on&$ *a$ to et hi% "ac. 6or the e3i& he does is "$ doin ood %$se&6= 9ood is the one thin that Satan! the personi6ication personi6ication o6 e3i&! cannot stand= sta nd= I a&* a &*a$s a$s sa$! sa$! I6 $ou *ant to
i3e the de3i& a ner3ous "rea.do*n! @ust et up e3er$ da$ and see ho* %uch ood $ou can do=G /ncontro&&ed aner! e3en rihteous aner! can uic.&$ turn into rae! and that is danerous= For e>a%p&e! peop&e *ho are anr$ concernin a"ortion &a*s! or pra$er "ein ta.en out o6 schoo&! or the &oss o6 Christian rihts that is pre3a&ent toda$ 6ee& rihteous aner! "ut e3en that can "e disp&a$ed i%proper&$= i%proper&$= We We are a&& a && a*are o6 Christians Christ ians *ho ha3e h a3e done reat har% to others "ecause o6 uncontro&&ed rae o3er an in@ustice= But re%e%"er! *e are to spea. the truth in &o3e! not in rae= That doesnt %ean *e cant "e stron as *e spea. out aainst in@ustice! "ut an$ &ac. o6 contro& *i&& on&$ open a door 6or the de3i&and this is particu&ar&$ true *hen it co%es to aner= We %ust re%e%"erand o"e$ *hat the Bi"&e sa$s: Dont &et the sun set on $our anerG see Eph= ,:#2= Gepressed 4nger
Aner that is e>pressed inappropriate&$ is a pro"&e%! "ut so is repressed aner= Aner that is stu66ed inside and not dea&t *ith proper&$ *i&& e3entua&&$ e3entua&&$ co%e out one *a$ or another= It %a$ sho* up in depression! an>iet$! rae! or an$ o6 a 3ariet$ o6 other neati3e e%otions"ut it *i&& co%e out= It can e3en %ani6est in sic.ness and disease= I6 *e dont dea& *ith our aner uic.&$! *e *i&& e3entua&&$ either e>p&ode or i%p&ode=
The riht *a$ to e>press aner is to ta&. to 9od= Te&& )i% a&& a"out the *a$ $ou 6ee& and as. )i% to he&p $ou %anae the 6ee&ins 6ee&ins proper&$= We We ha3e not "ecause *e as. not See ;a%es ,:#= Ta&. to a pro6essiona& or a %ature 6riend i6 necessar$! "ut do not pretend $oure not anr$ *hen $ou are= Thats not %anain $our e%otionsthat is inorin the%! and it is danerous= One thin that he&ps %e dea& proper&$ *ith aner is to rea&iJe that so%eti%es 9od per%its peop&e to irritate %e in order to he&p %e ro* in patience and unconditiona& &o3e= None o6 the 6ruit o6 the Spirit de3e&ops *ithout so%ethin to %a.e us e>ercise the%= Ouch I *ish I cou&d %aica&&$ ha3e a&& these *onder6u& 6ruit *or.in 6u&& 6orce in %$ &i6e *ithout an$ e66ort on %$ part! "ut that is @ust not the *a$ it *or.s= The o66endin persons "ad "eha3ior is not riht! "ut 9od o6ten uses the% as sandpaper in our &i3es! to po&ish our rouh edes= )e is %ore concerned a"out chanin our characters than )e is a"out chanin our circu%stances to %a.e the% a&& co%6orta"&e 6or us= 9od pro%ises de&i3erance i6 *e trust )i%! "ut the ti%in is in )is hands= I6 I et anr$ *hen so%eone does so%ethin to %e thats *ron! is %$ aner an$ &ess *ron than the *ron the$ co%%itted' I thin. not= So%eti%es their *rondoin %ere&$ e>poses %$ *ea.ness and I a% a"&e to repent and as. 9od to he&p %e o3erco%e it= Be deter%ined to et so%ethin ood out o6 e3er$
tria& $ou 6ace in &i6e! and a nd dont e3er &et the sun o do*n on $our aner= This is a ood ti%e to as. $ourse&6 i6 $ou are anr$ a"out an$thin or at an$one! and i6 $our ans*er is $es! then $ou can "ein contro&&in that e%otion riht no*= no*= So%e o6 the e>p&osi3e peop&e *e encounter in &i6e are actua&&$ peop&e *ho are 6u&& o6 aner o3er so%ethin the$ ha3e "uried and re6used to dea& *ith= E3en the$ %a$ not understand *h$ the$ 6ee& so anr$ a&& the ti%e= The$ are &i.e ti%e "o%"s tic.in a*a$! @ust *aitin 6or so%eone or so%ethin to set the% o66= The$ e>p&ode at the s&ihtest pro3ocation! and uite o6ten their aner see%s e>tre%e 6or the situation the$ are dea&in *ith= -e&od$s %other *as %enta&&$ i&&! and she 6reuent&$ &oc.ed her in the c&oset 6or punish%ent= So%e da$s she spent %ore ti%e in the dar. c&oset than she did in the house= This a"use &e6t -e&od$ 3er$ anr$! "ut not .no*in ho* to dea& *ith her aner! she si%p&$ &e6t ho%e *hen she *as o&d enouh to do so and tried to 6oret the *ho&e thin= That sounds ood? a6ter a&&! *e are instructed in 9ods Word to &et o o6 *hat &ies "ehind= )o*e3er! that does not %ean to a3oid dea&in *ith it= -e&od$ %arried at the ae o6 nineteen "ecause she *as desperate to e>perience &o3e! and she and her hus"and had three chi&dren *ithin the 6irst 6i3e $ears o6 their rather roc.$ re&ationship=
-e&od$ *as %ood$= She *as either depressed or anr$ %ost o6 the ti%e! and it see%ed that e3er$one had to *a&. on eshe&&s! so to spea.! to pre3ent settin her o66= The at%osphere in the house *as 3er$ tense= -e&od$ 6reuent&$ o3erreacted to %inor situations= At dinner one e3enin! her dauhter Matie! *ho *as three $ears o&d! accidenta&&$ spi&&ed her &ass o6 %i&. at the ta"&e= -e&od$ ot up and thre* her chair across the roo% as she ranted and ra3ed on and on a"out ho* no"od$ in the house see%ed to "e a"&e to do an$thin riht= The %ea& *as ruined 6or e3er$one= )er hus"and! ;a%es! &e6t the house to pre3ent startin an aru%ent *ith her and %a.in thins e3en *orse! and the chi&dren sat at the ta"&e *ith 6ear6u& &oo.s on their 6aces! cr$in and *onderin *hat -a%a *ou&d do ne>t= -e&od$ *as a&*a$s sorr$ short&$ a6ter her e>p&osions! and she tried to %a.e up 6or her "ad "eha3ior "$ doin so%ethin nice 6or the chi&dren! "ut the ui&t she 6e&t "ecause she cou&d not contro& herse&6 *as a&%ost o3er*he&%in= She didnt .no* *hat to do! so she did nothin= E3entua&&$! her depression "eca%e so "ad that she *as ad3ised to see a ps$chiatrist= Than.6u&&$! the one she *ent to *as a Christian in addition to "ein a reat counse&or! and he *as a"&e to he&p -e&od$ see that deep do*n inside she *as sti&& 3er$ anr$ a"out the *a$ her %other had treated her! and this *as causin a&& her e%otiona& pro"&e%s= )e he&ped her 6ace the truth! 6ori3e her %other! and &earn ho* to
contro& her e%otions= -e&od$s stor$ ended *e&&! "ut there are hundreds o6 thousands o6 peop&e in the *or&d &i.e -e&od$ *ho are e%otiona& ti%e "o%"s @ust *aitin to e>p&ode= Sad&$! the$ %a$ spend their entire &i3es "ein %isera"&e and ruinin re&ationships "ecause the$ ne3er dea& *ith the root o6 their pro"&e%= A&thouh there are 3er$ serious situations &i.e -e&od$s that reuire a &ot o6 ti%e to hea&! there are a&so thins *e dea& *ith dai&$= Each da$ *e %a$ ha3e an opportunit$ to "e o66ended or to not ta.e the o66ense= So%e ps$cho&oists teach that *e need to e>press a&& our aner! "ut accordin to 9ods Word! there are %an$ thins that *e need to @ust &et o o6= One teacher *rote the 6o&&o*in on her c&assroo% "&ac."oard: )atred is storedup aner? there6ore! it is a &o3in thin to et %ad=G That is a ridicu&ous thin to teach chi&dren= It *ou&d "e %uch "etter to teach the% to 6ori3e= Sure&$ the t$pes o6 o66enses the chi&dren *ere dea&in *ith dai&$ did not *arrant a &et $our aner co%e out session=G So%e ps$cho&oists te&& peop&e *hen the$ are anr$ to pound on a ta"&e or hit so%ethin unti& the$ 6ee& the$ ha3e re&eased their aner= I dont see an$ such suestions in the Bi"&e! and I thin. i6 I pounded a ta"&e *hen I *as anr$! a&& I *ou&d et *ou&d "e a sore hand= I6 these are the t$pes o6 thins *e are &earnin and teachin our chi&dren! it is not surprisin that our societ$ is so danerous toda$= It is
sad indeed *hen *e ha3e to o66er specia& c&asses to teach peop&e ho* to hand&e road rae Or *hen *e ha3e to 6ear that so%eone %a$ *a&. up and shoot us "ecause the$ are anr$ a"out the *a$ their &i6e has one= Since 9ods Word te&&s us not to &et the sun set on our aner! sure&$ 9od e>pects us si%p&$ to &et so%e thins o= As *e na3iate &i6e! *e *i&& need to "e enerous in %erc$ in order not to "e anr$ %ost o6 the ti%e= In the A%p&i6ied Bi"&e *e &earn that to 6ori3e %eans to &et it drop &ea3e it! &et it oG -ar. 11:#0= That p&an sounds prett$ ood to %e= We %ust &earn to choose our "att&es *ise&$ in &i6e "ecause there are 6ar too %an$ to 6iht the% a&&= So%eti%es 9od sti&& sa$s! sa$s! as )e did to the Israe&ites! The "att&e is not $ours! "ut 9odsG # Chron= #8:10= )o* can $ou .no* *hen to e>press aner and *hen to @ust &et it o' I can on&$ te&& $ou *hat *or.s 6or %e= -$ 6irst &ine o6 de6ense is to i3e it to 9odto si%p&$ &et it o and trust )i% to do *hat is riht= I6 the issue .eeps "otherin %e 6or %ore than a 6e* da$s! I *i&& ta&. to Da3e or perhaps one o6 %$ chi&dren in the hope that @ust ettin it out in the open *i&& "rin re&ease= I dont ta&. to the% in a spirit o6 ossip or criticis%! "ut I do it to et the he&p that I need= So%eti%es another person can o66er a di66erent perspecti3e on the situation that I a% not seein= I6 none o6 that *or.s! then I start see.in 9od a"out *hether or not )e *ants %e to con6ront the person *ho has anered %e= I6 I 6ee& that )e does! then I do
it= So%eti%es it is "est 6or the other person i6 $ou con6ront the%! "ut I a&*a$s *ant to %a.e sure I a% doin it 6or their ood and not %$ carna& need to te&& the% o66 or tr$ to chane the%= Rather! I e>press aner proper&$ or i3e it to 9od= I a% not repressin it= I ha3e &et it o and it is not 6esterin in %e! causin in6ection and da%ae to %$ sou&= When so%eone %istreats %e! I initia&&$ 6ee& anr$! then I spend the ne>t 6e* %inutes or hours! dependin on the seriousness o6 the %istreat%ent! ettin the e%otion under contro&= I ta&. to %$se&6 and te&& %$se&6 ho* 6oo&ish it is to &et so%e un.ind person ruin %$ da$= I 6o&&o* Scripture and pra$ 6or the person *ho hurt %e= I tr$ to "e&ie3e the "est o6 the person *ho o66ended %e and tr$ to et %$ %ind o66 the o66ense and onto so%ethin %ore p&easant= I 6ind *ithin a short period o6 ti%e the e%otion is ca&%in do*n= O"e$in and %editatin on the Word o6 9od is %edicine 6or our sou&s= It "rins not on&$ instruction "ut co%6ort in e3er$ situation= As $ou can see! there are se3era& *a$s *e can dea& *ith aner! "ut re%e%"er that *e cant e>press it in an un&o3in *a$! *e cant repress it! and *e cant inore it= Aner is a rea& e%otion! and *e ha3e to dea& *ith it one *a$ or another= Perception Br Gealit"
)a3e $ou e3er heard the state%ent Perception is rea&it$G' I6 *e percei3e that *ere in @eopard$! then *hether or not its actua&&$ true! *e "eha3e as i6 its true= And our "eha3ior shapes the ua&it$ o6 our &i3es= We3e a&& heard a"out peop&e *ho &i3ed &i.e paupers! &i3in out their 6ina& $ears *ithout decent 6ood! c&othin! and she&ter "ecause the$ *ere *orried a"out 6inances= Then a6ter their deaths! its disco3ered that the$ *ere actua&&$ rich! so%eti%es *ith %i&&ions o6 do&&ars in sa3ins accounts The$ &i3ed in 6ear and desperation *hen the$ cou&d ha3e &i3ed in &u>ur$= The$ "e&ie3ed the$ *ere poor and &i3ed accordin&$= )o* *e percei3e thins is ho* *e see the%= In %$ chi&dhood! I su66ered a"use that %ade %e 6ee& the need to de6end %$se&6 6ro% e%otiona& and ph$sica& attac.= Because o6 that conditionin! those 6ee&ins and responses re%ained 6or %an$ $ears into %$ adu&thood= I 6reuent&$ percei3ed that I *as "ein attac.ed and needed to de6end %$se&6= But %$ &i6e had chaned I %arried Da3e! *ho is %$ "iest supporter and cheer&eader= I%aine %$ surprise *hen he as.ed %e one %ornin *h$ I acted as i6 he *ere %$ ene%$ It too. a &on ti%e 6or %e to &et the )o&$ Spirit *or. *ith %e and teach %e to @ude thins throuh the e$es o6 9od! not the e$es o6 an a"usi3e *or&d= On that particu&ar %ornin! Da3e had e>pressed
disaree%ent disaree%ent *ith %e a"out so%ethin! and a nd I recei3ed it as re@ection= -$ aner 6&ared and *ords "ean to 6&$= In those da$s I sti&& had a sha%e"ased nature and 6e&t so "ad a"out %$se&6 that i6 an$one disareed *ith %e or tried to correct %e a"out an$thin! I a&*a$s ot upset= I spent %an$ $ears in con6usion a"out aner "ecause I didnt understand the root o6 %$ pro"&e%= I *ou&d 6ind %$se&6 anr$ and aru%entati3e *hen I had initia&&$ intended to ha3e a 3er$ si%p&e discussion a"out so%ethin= Satan had a 6ootho&d in %$ &i6e! and I needed re3e&ation 6ro% 9od in order to see c&ear&$= )e tauht %e that I had a root o6 re@ection in %$ &i6e that %ani6ested in aner! and that *hen peop&e disareed *ith %$ opinion! I too. it persona&&$ as i6 the$ *ere re@ectin %e= I did not $et .no* ho* to separate %$ *hoG 6ro% %$ do=G I6 peop&e didnt aree *ith e3er$thin I did or said! I 6e&t the$ *ere re@ectin %e= I *as preparin to o teach 9ods Word that %ornin! and Satan sa* an opportunit$ to create a distur"ance "$ ta.in ad3antae o6 %$ *ea.ness= )e %anaed to start an aru%ent "et*een Da3e and %e! .no*in it *ou&d &ea3e %e 6ee&in ui&t$ and conde%ned and pre3ent %e 6ro% teachin 9ods Word *ith con6idence= But 9od ca%e to %$ rescue )e sho*ed %e that the aner I 6e&t @ust needed to "e %anaed= I repented 6or the aru%ent! ca&&ed Da3e and apo&oiJed! and *ent on to %$ %eetin *ith peace=
O3er the $ears! as 9od hea&ed %e 6ro% %$ past pain! I radua&&$ 6e&t &ess and &ess aner= But *hi&e )e *as hea&in %e! 9od tauht %e that %$ aner *as not sin i6 I contro&&ed it= -$ e%otions *ere da%aed! and I o6ten reacted the *a$ a *ounded ani%a& *ou&d= Toda$! I rare&$ 6ee& anr$ un&ess the threat or attac. to*ard %e is enuine= 9od has i3en us the e%otion o6 aner to &et us .no* *hen *e are "ein %istreated? .ept under contro&! it is a ood thin= When anr$! count to ten "e6ore $ou spea.? i6 3er$ anr$! count to to one hundred= )orace Is It 4lwa"s oing o e 3o ifficult o 5anage 5"
-a$"e $oure thin.in! I ha3e so %an$ stron e%otions? ho* a% I oin to %anae the% a&&' I ha3e 6ound that 9od usua&&$ dea&s *ith %e one issue at a ti%e= B$ readin this "oo. $ou are ainin an o3era&& understandin o6 e%otions and! hope6u&&$! *h$ $ou 6ee& the *a$ $ou 6ee& at ti%es= +ou are &earnin that $ou %ust 6irst and 6ore%ost depend on 9od! then ta.e action and "e aressi3e in $our deter%ination not to "e a s&a3e to $our 6ee&ins= I 6reuent&$ re%ind peop&e that nothin chanes @ust "ecause $ou read a "oo.= Its *hat $ou do *ith the .no*&ede $ou ain
6ro% readin the "oo. that *i&& &ead to chane= I rea&iJe that chane is not a&*a$s eas$! and perhaps there *i&& "e ti%es *hen $ou thin.! I @ust dont .no* i6 I *i&& e3er et this riht= But I assure $ou that i6 $ou *i&& not i3e up! $ou *i&& .eep %a.in proress! and e3entua&&$ $ou *i&& ha3e %an$ o6 $our e%otions trained and the$ si%p&$ *i&& not "e unru&$= The$ *i&& respond the sa%e *a$ a chi&d does *hen *e train the% proper&$= The %ore *e re6use to &et our neati3e e%otions ru&e us! the *ea.er the$ "eco%e! and e3entua&&$ *e @ust need to do dai&$ %aintenance= I a% not sa$in that $ou *i&& ne3er 6ee& anr$ aain! "ut the aner $ou do 6ee& *i&& "e %uch easier to %anae than it has "een in the past= I can honest&$ sa$ that t*ent$ $ears ao I *as 3er$ e%otiona& and no* I a% 3er$ sta"&e= I .no* 6ro% e>perience that the princip&es I a% sharin *ith $ou *i&& *or. *onder6u&&$ in $our &i6e i6 $ou di&ient&$ app&$ the%= A&*a$s re%e%"er that ainin a 3ictor$ is %ore di66icu&t than %aintainin it once $ou ha3e it= Decision and con6ession: con6ession: I *i&& not &i3e as an anr$ person= I *i&& dea& *ith aner in a od&$ *a$=
C)APTER 1# 9ui&t 9ui&t is a sense o6 responsi"i&it$ concernin so%ethin neati3e neati3e that has "e6a&&en others or $ourse&6= It is a 6ee&in o6 reret o3er so%e action ta.en or not ta.en= 9ui&t is a terri"&e 6ee&in to "ear= We are not "ui&t 6or ui&t! and it da%aes our sou&s and persona&itiese3en persona&itiese3en our hea&th= 9ui&t stea&s our peace and @o$= It can "eco%e a prison *ithout a .e$= 9ui&t &ea3es us *ith a sense o6 o"&iation to %a.e up in so%e *a$ 6or the *ron *e did or i%aine *e did= The "urden o6 ui&t coup&ed *ith a desire to pa$ 6or our cri%es is a %isera"&e &i6e indeed= I .no* a *o%an *ho spent hundreds o6 thousands o6 do&&ars in treat%ent prora%s and 6ound no he&p unti& she recei3ed ;esus as her Sa3ior and "e&ie3ed that )e paid the de"t she o*ed *hen )e died on the cross= The ospe& o6 ;esus Christ is ood ne*s indeed Because *e cou&d not! )e paid! and no* there is no conde%nation conde%nation or ui&t 6or those *ho are in Christ see Ro%= 5:1= We dont inore our sins! "ut instead *e 6ace the% "o&d&$? *e con6ess the% te&&in a&& and recei3e recei3e 9ods a%aJin 6ori3eness=
I acknowledged m" sin to ;ou, and m" iniuit" I did not hide. I said, I will confess c onfess m" transgressions to the !ord #continuall" unfolding the past till all is told$7then ;ou ;ou #instantl"$ forgave me the guilt and iniuit" of m" sin. 3elah #pause, and calml" think of that$? (Psalm )/:E
Lets do *hat the Scripture suests= Lets pause and ca&%&$ thin. o6 *hat the 3erse is sa$in= I6 *e ac.no*&ede ad%it our sin to 9od and te&& a&&! re6usin to hide our sin! 9od *i&& instant&$ 6ori3e us and re%o3e the ui&t= I6 the sin is one! there is nothin to 6ee& ui&t$ a"out= The 6ee&in o6 ui&t does not a&*a$s a&*a$s o a*a$ a*a$ instant&$! "ut *e can ta.e 9od at )is *ord and sa$ *ith )i%! I a% 6ori3en! and the ui&t has "een re%o3ed=G I ha3e disco3ered that %$ 6ee&ins *i&& e3entua&&$ catch up *ith %$ decision! "ut i6 I &et %$ 6ee&ins %a.e %$ decisions! I *i&& a&*a$s "e a s&a3e to the%= I .no* o6 a *o%an *ho *as a rea& *arrior 6or the Lord= She tauht Sunda$ schoo&! 3isited *o%en in the &oca& prison on Frida$ nihts! 3o&unteered to c&ean the church sanctuar$ on Saturda$s! and tithed reu&ar&$= She raised t*o dauhters *ho "eca%e co%%itted Christians and &ed hundreds o6 peop&e to the Lord o3er her &i6eti%e= When she died! ro*n %en ca%e to her 6unera& and cried= The$ to&d her dauhters ho* their %other had i3en their *i3es 6ood and %one$ *hen the$ the%se&3es had suandered their pa$chec.s=
On&$ her dauhters .ne* that their %other *as one o6 the unhappiest *o%en in the *or&d= Despite her stron 6aith! she had co%%itted sins in her $outh that haunted her throuhout her &i6e= Whi&e 9od had 6ori3en her! she cou&dnt 6ori3e herse&6= She *as stuc. in conde%nation= I thin. stories &i.e this one are so%e o6 the saddest in the *or&d= I a% sure the *o%an in the stor$ to&d others o6 the &o3e and %erc$ o6 9od! $et she ne3er tru&$ recei3ed it 6or herse&6= Perhaps she ne3er understood that she *as %uch %ore than *hat she 6e&t= She 6e&t ui&t$! and so she assu%ed she *as ui&t$ and &et it stea& her @o$= This stor$ is repeated in %u&tip&ied %i&&ions o6 &i3es &i3es and is one o6 the reasons I a% *ritin this "oo.= We can &i3e "$ the truth in 9ods Word and not the *a$ *e 6ee&= @ondemnation 4nd @onviction
We %ust &earn the di66erence "et*een conde%nation ui&t and true con3iction 6ro% 9od that *e ha3e done so%ethin *ron= Conde%nation presses us do*n and %ani6ests as a hea3$ "urden that reuires us to pa$ 6or our errors= Con3iction is the *or. o6 the )o&$ Spirit! *ho is sho*in us that *e ha3e sinned and in3itin us to con6ess our sins! to recei3e 6ori3eness and 9ods he&p to i%pro3e our "eha3ior in the 6uture= Conde%nation %a.es the pro"&e% *orse? con3iction is intended to &i6t us out o6 it= The
resu&t o6 each is entire&$ di66erent 6ro% the other= When $ou 6ee& ui&t$! the 6irst thin to do is as. $ourse&6 i6 $ou are ui&t$ accordin to 9ods Word= Perhaps $ou are= I6 so! con6ess $our sin to 9od? turn a*a$ 6ro% that sin and dont repeat it= I6 $ou need to apo&oiJe to the person $ou ha3e *roned! do it= Then 6ori3e $ourse&6 and &et o o6 it 9od a&read$ did! and i6 $ou re6use to! then $ou&& %iss out on the @o$ o6 rede%ption rede%ption that that 9od *ants *ants us a&& to to e>perience= So%eti%es $ou %a$ *e&& 6ind that $ou are not ui&t$ accordin to 9ods Word= For e>a%p&e! I can reca&& 6ee&in ui&t$ *hen I tried to rest= For $ears I dro3e %$se&6 incessant&$ to *or.! *or.! *or. "ecause I 6e&t ood *hen I *as acco%p&ishin so%ethin and 6e&t ui&t$ i6 I *as en@o$in %$se&6= I 6ina&&$ ca%e to a crisis point and cried out to 9od a"out *h$ I cou&dnt en@o$ restin! and )e sho*ed %e that the ui&t$ 6ee&ins *ere &e6to3ers 6ro% %$ past= -$ 6ather see%ed to appro3e o6 %e %ore *hen I *as *or.in and he did not 3a&ue en@o$%ent o6 an$ .ind! so I &earned ear&$ in &i6e that *or. is app&auded "ut rest had &itt&e or no 3a&ue= That thin.in is tota&&$ *ron accordin to 9ods Word= E3en )e rested 6ro% )is *or. o6 creation and has in3ited us to enter )is rest= The ui&t I 6e&t *hen I tried to rest *as unscriptura&! irrationa&! and do*nriht ridicu&ous= When I stopped "e&ie3in %$ 6ee&ins a&one and started tru&$ e>a%inin the% in
the &iht o6 9ods Word! I unco3ered a hue deception in %$ &i6e= What %a.es $ou 6ee& ui&t$' What does 9ods Word sa$ a"out the situation' +ou %a$ disco3er that $ours is a 6a&se ui&t or it %a$ "e rea&! "ut either *a$! the Word o6 9od ho&ds the ans*er to $our di&e%%a= I6 it is a 6a&se sense o6 ui&t! then dec&are it to "e so and "e deter%ined not to &et $our 6ee&ins ru&e $ou= I6 $our ui&t is "ased on a rea& sin! then 6o&&o* the scriptura& pattern 6or ettin rid o6 it= Repent! te&& a&&! as. 6or 6ori3eness! and recei3e 6ori3eness "$ 6aith= No* "e&ie3e and con6ess that $our sin! and the ui&t! has "een ta.en care o6 "$ ;esus= And %o3e on The )o&$ Spirit is i3en to us 6or %an$ reasons! and one o6 the rea&&$ i%portant ones is to con3ict us o6 sin= We shou&d &o3e and appreciate a&& con3iction "ecause *ithout it *e cou&d easi&$ &i3e &i3es o6 se&6 deception= A spiritua&&$ %ature person can recei3e con3iction and not &et it conde%n the%= Correction 6ro% 9od is ne3er re@ection= It is a sin o6 )is &o3e that )e is un*i&&in to &ea3e us as *e are! "ut )e *or.s dai&$ to chane us into )is i%ae and he&p us de3e&op )is character= Geal and Imagined uilt
When $ou are prone to ui&t! the de3i& has a 6ie&d da$= I uarantee $ou that he *i&& de6inite&$ ta.e ad3antae o6 $ou "$ *or.in throuh others to p&a$ on $our
ui&t= The$ %a$ %a.e $ou 6ee& that the$&& su66er reat&$ i6 $ou dont do as the$ as.= +our response %ust "e to 6o&&o* $our o*n intuition 6ro% 9od and not ta.e responsi"i&it$ responsi"i& it$ 6or their @o$= +ou +ou %a$ ha3e e&der&$ parents *ho *i&& %a.e $ou 6ee& ui&t$ i6 $ou dont cater to their e3er$ *hi%= We do ha3e a "i"&ica& dut$ to our parents to "e sure the$ are ta.en care o6 in their o&d ae! "ut *e cannot "e responsi"&e 6or their @o$= -an$ o6 the thins peop&e e>pect are their e>pectations! e>pectations! and the$ can "e uite unrea&istic= The$ %a$ "e thin.in on&$ o6 the%se&3es *ithout ha3in an$ understandin o6 $ou and $our other responsi"i&ities= The sense o6 ui&t is so a*6u& that *e usua&&$ *i&& do a&%ost an$thin to a&&e3iate it= I6 *e a&&o* others to %a.e us 6ee& ui&t$! the$ soon &earn ho* to %anipu&ate us "$ usin our *ea.ness to et *hat the$ *ant= +ou %ust understand that $ou are not o"&iated to do a thin @ust "ecause so%eone e&se *ants $ou to or thin.s that $ou shou&d= This does not %ean *e dont *ant to p&ease peop&e and do *hat is 6or their "ene6it! "ut *e cannot &et their desires ru&e us= 9ui&t can "e 6ro% a rea& or i%ained %isdeed= I 6e&t ui&t$ a"out the a"use in %$ chi&dhood e3en thouh I *as not the perpetrator and hated *hat *as "ein done to %e= That ui&t de3e&oped into *hat I ca&& an addicti3e ui&t= I @ust 6e&t ui&t$ a&& the ti%e o3er nothin in particu&ar as *e&& as %ista.es I did %a.e= I had a 6a&se sense o6 ui&t that *as rooted in sha%e=
E%otions ha3e a %ind o6 their o*n! and Satan uses the% to decei3e us= We cannot assu%e "ecause *e 6ee& a certain *a$ that those 6ee&ins are te&&in us the truth= In other *ords! @ust "ecause I 6ee& ui&t$ does not %ean I a% ui&t$= Li.e*ise! I %a$ not 6ee& ui&t$ and $et I ha3e co%%itted sin= I %a$ ha3e reasoned in %$ %ind that *hat I did *as @usti6ia"&e e3en thouh it *as aainst 9ods Word! and "$ doin so I decei3ed %$se&6= The apost&e Pau& said that he didnt 6ee& an$thin aainst hi%se&6! "ut that he *as not @usti6ied "$ his 6ee&ins= )e &e6t e3er$thin to 9od and e>pected that 9od *ou&d con3ict hi% o6 sin *hen needed: I a% not conscious o6 an$thin aainst %$se&6! %$se&6! and I 6ee& "&a%e&ess? "ut I a% not 3indicated and acuitted "e6ore 9od on that account= It is the Lord H)i%se&6 H)i%se&6 Who e>a%ines e>a%ines and @udes %eG 1 Cor= ,:,= -en *ho "atter their *i3es %a.e the% 6ee& as i6 the "atterin is their 6au&t= The *o%en *ho a&&o* such treat%ent ha3e &itt&e or no se&6*orth= The$ 6ee& that i6 the %arriae 6ai&s it *i&& "e their 6au&t! and %an$ o6 the% actua&&$ "e&ie3e the$ %ust deser3e the treat%ent the$ et= I ha3e heard that 4 percent o6 a&& *o%en are ph$sica&&$ a"used! and (4 percent are 3er"a&&$ or e%otiona&&$ a"used= That %eans there are a &ot o6 *o%en *ho 6ee& ui&t$ and ha3e no se&6 estee%=
uilt 4nd 4nger
9ui&t is one o6 the root causes o6 aner= We inherent&$ .no* that *e are not "ui&t 6or ui&t= We %a$ not conscious&$ rea&iJe it! "ut our s$ste% re"e&s aainst it= 9od *ants us to 6ee& &o3ed and accepted! and 6or that reason *e are to&d aain and aain in )is Word that )e &o3es us unconditiona&&$= E3en *hen *e *ere sti&& in our sin and "e6ore *e cared a"out 9od at a&& or e3en atte%pted to do an$thin riht! )e &o3ed us and sent )is Son to die 6or us and pa$ 6or our sins= When *e recei3e ;esus as our Sa3ior! )e ta.es our sin and i3es us )is rihteousness see # Cor= 0:#1= I dou"t that %an$ o6 us understand the 6u&& i%pact o6 that= At no price to us! *e are %ade riht *ith 9od= We can 6ee& riht instead o6 *ron Wh$ not ta.e a step o6 6aith and tr$ it' Sa$ or thin. so%ethin ood a"out $ourse&6= I a% not encourain a *ron .ind o6 pride! "ut I a% encourain $ou to "e "o&d enouh to "e&ie3e $ou are the *onder6u& person 9od sa$s $ou are= In Psa&% 1(7! Da3id con6essed that he .ne* 9od had %ade hi% and then said! Wonder6u& are +our *or.s! and that %$ inner se&6 .no*s riht *e&&G 3= 1,= Do $ou "e&ie3e in $our heart that 9od care6u&&$ created $ou and that $ou are *onder6u&' -ost peop&e *ou&d "e a6raid to "e&ie3e that= Wh$ are *e %ore co%6orta"&e 6ee&in "ad a"out ourse&3es than 6ee&in
ood' Is it "ecause *e 6ocus on our 6au&ts and rare&$ e3en &ance at our strenths' We punish ourse&3es 6or our 6ai&ures! "ut rare&$ ce&e"rate our 3ictories= The Son o6 So&o%on is an a&&eor$ o6 the &o3e stor$ "et*een 9od and )is peop&e= Loo. c&ose&$ at the 6o&&o*in scripture: #6e e%claimed$ B m" love, how beautiful "ou are? here is no flaw flaw in "ou? (+:F
9od &o3es $ou and sees the ood in $ou= )e sees *hat $ou are "eco%in and *i&& "e and is not o3er&$ concerned a"out $our 6au&ts= )e .ne* a&& o6 the% *hen )e in3ited $ou to "e in an inti%ate re&ationship *ith )i%= A&& )e *ants is $our &o3e and a *i&&inness to ro* in )i%= +our +our presence presence is a present present to the *or&d= +ou +ou are uniue and one o6 a .ind= Do not e3er 6oret! 6or e3en a da$ ho* 3er$ specia& $ou are ake 4 3tep Bf aith
Wi&& $ou ta.e a step o6 6aith and no %atter ho* $ou 6ee&! aree *ith 9od that )e &o3es $ou' +ou are *onder6u&&$ %ade and ha3e %an$ ta&ents and strenths= +ou are 3a&ua"&e! and as a "e&ie3er in ;esus! ;esus! $ou are the the rihteousness rihteousness o6 9od 9od in )i%= +ou +ou ha3e rihtness "e6ore 9od instead o6 *ronness
Bein to spea. out aainst 6ee&ins o6 ui&t and sa$! I a% 6ori3en? there6ore! I a% not ui&t$= I a% riht *ith 9od=G I thin. I shared ear&ier that *e "e&ie3e %ore o6 *hat *e hear ourse&3es sa$ than *hat others sa$! so start sa$in so%ethin ood and dro*n out the other 3oices that conde%n $ou= Fiht 6or $ourse&6 Fiht the ood 6iht o6 6aith and re6use to &i3e "e&o* the &e3e& at *hich ;esus *ants $ou to &i3e= )is .indo% is rihteousness! peace! and @o$ see Ro%= Ro%= 1,:14= 1,:14= Dont sett&e 6or 6or an$thin an$thin &ess= 9ui&t is aner directed at ourse&3es= Wi&& $ou stop the destructi3e c$c&e! ta.e a step o6 6aith! and dec&are! ;esus "ore %$ iniuities and ui&tand I a% 6reeG' An actress *ho is 3er$ *e&& .no*n has said that she doesnt "e&ie3e in ui&t? she "e&ie3es in &i3in "$ i%pu&se as &on as *hat she does causes no har% to others= She has said! I a% 6ree=G This *o%an is &i3in 6or herse&6 and doin e>act&$ as she p&eases! "ut she appears to "e 3er$ %isera"&e= A&thouh she is a success on the screen! she is not a true success= )er idea is a 3er$ *or&d&$ one that is "orn out o6 se&6ishness and is entire&$ di66erent 6ro% *hat I a% ta&.in a"out= When *e sa$! I a% 6ree!G *e %ean that our 6reedo% *as purchased "$ the "&ood and sacri6ice o6 ;esus Christ= We &i3e *ithout ui&t "ecause )e paid 6or our sins= Without this .no*&ede there is no true ui&t6ree &i3in= Peop&e %a$ sa$ the$ are 6ree to do *hate3er the$ *ant! "ut a tru&$ 6ree
person is 6ree to &i3e in o"edience to 9od! and to re6rain 6ro% doin *hat the$ *ant to do i6 the$ .no* their actions *i&& da%ae so%eone e&se= rom 4gon" o
We can &earn to contro& ui&t "$ .no*in the truth o6 9ods Word and &oo.in at so%e o6 the thins *e 6ee& ui&t$ a"out in a rationa& *a$= It is nor%a& and hea&th$ to 6ee& ui&t$ *hen *e do so%ethin *ron! "ut *hen it continues and "eco%es addicti3e! *e ha3e a serious pro"&e% that *i&& not o a*a$ *ithout con6rontation= Christianit$ is not a passi3e re&iion= 9od has i3en us )is pro%ises! "ut *e %ust do our part= We are partners *ith )i%= We "e&ie3e and )e *or.s We %ust sa$ and %ean it: I *i&& not "e a s&a3e to the e%otion o6 ui&t=G Stud$ 9ods Word on the su"@ect o6 rihteousness unti& $ou ha3e re3e&ation concernin *ho $ou are in Christ= Our con6idence is in )i%! not in ourse&3es! ourse&3es! our &oo.s! our educations! our @o" tit&es! our socia& roups! or an$ other earth&$ thin= Our *orth and 3a&ue are in the 6act that ;esus died 6or us= 9od sa* $ou as "ein 3a&ua"&e so )e a3e )is "est= )e a3e )is on&$ Son to purchase $our 6reedo% 6ro% the "ondae o6 sin and ui&t= Mar&a Fa$e Tuc.er had p&ent$ to 6ee& ui&t$ a"out= In
the *ee hours o6 ;une 1(! 175(! she and her "o$6riend! hih on drus! decided to o 3isitG ;err$ Dean! an acuaintance *ho Mar&a 6e&t had *roned her= Dean *as ho%e as&eep in "ed! a *o%an hed %et that da$ s&eepin "$ his side= Tuc.er and her "o$6riend entered the house and surprised surprised the s&eepin coup&e= She struc. Dean *ith a pic.a> t*ent$eiht ti%es and then proceeded to e>ecute his co%panion= Tuc.er *as tried! con3icted! and i3en the death pena&t$= She &i3ed on death ro* in the )unts3i&&e! Te>as! 6edera& prison 6or the ne>t 6ourteen $ears= But thats @ust the "einnin o6 the stor$= )er case attracted *or&d*ide attention! part&$ "ecause she *as the 6irst *o%an to "e e>ecuted in the /nited States since "e6ore the Ci3i& War= The other reason her case *as co3ered *ide&$ *as "ecause Tuc.er had "eco%e a Christian *hi&e she *as in prison! and none other than Pat Ro"ertson and Pope ;ohn Pau& had &earned o6 her e>traordinar$ *or. *ith others durin her $ears o6 i%prison%ent= The$ "oth issued p&eas to the o3ernor to spare her= On Fe"ruar$ (! 1775! Tuc.er *as ta.en to the roo% *here she *ou&d die "$ ða& in@ection= In her 6ina& %o%ents! she said! I *ou&d &i.e to sa$ to the Thornton 6a%i&$ and ;err$ Deans 6a%i&$ that I a% so sorr$ I% oin to "e 6aceto6ace *ith ;esus no*= I &o3e $ou a&& 3er$ %uch= I *i&& see $ou a&& *hen $ou
et there= I *i&& *ait 6or $ou=G Accordin to *itnesses! she appeared to "e hu%%in so6t&$ as she *aited to %eet her Lord= Mar&a Fa$e Fa$e Tuc.er *as 3er$ ui&t$= She *as ui&t$ o6 acts that are hard to e3en conte%p&ate= She *as a&so redee%ed 6ro% her ui&t "$ 9od *hen she accepted Christ! and she .ne* that= She cou&d ha3e spent her prison ter% 6ocusin on her ui&t= Instead! she spent her re%ainin $ears teachin Bi"&e stud$ roups! he&pin other in%ates! and praisin the Lord 6or )is %erc$= I6 an a> %urderer can ac.no*&ede her ui&t! accept 9ods 6ori3eness! and %o3e on! then so can $ou and I= Whi&e %$ o*n situation is 6ar &ess dra%atic than Mar&a Fa$e Tuc.ers! I had a hue pro"&e% *ith 6ee&ins o6 ui&t= I had to 6iht a rea& "att&e to 6ina&&$ "e a"&e to sa$! I a% 6ree=G I6 I can do it! so can $ou= I6 an$one an$one can "e 6ree! $ou can "e 6ree! so dont sett&e 6or an$thin &ess= Li3in *ithout the constant co%panion o6 ui&t is ecstas$? it is *onder6u& and it is a3ai&a"&e to a&& *ho *i&& "e&ie3e= !iving uilt>ree
I heard a stor$ a"out a %an *ho had "een cheatin on his inco%e ta>es 6or a 6e* $ears= )e "ean to 6ee& ui&t$! and e3entua&&$ the ui&t *as pre3entin hi% 6ro% s&eepin *e&&= )e *rote the IRS a &etter and to&d the% he had "een cheatin on his inco%e ta>es and
that he had enc&osed a chec. 6or 108= )e 6urther stated stated that i6 he sti&& did not s&eep *e&&! he *ou&d send %ore %one$ &ater= Dont @ust do enouh o6 *hat is riht to ease 6ee&ins o6 ui&t! "ut instead %a.e a decision that $ou are oin to &earn to &i3e ui&t6ree= There are t*o *a$s to do that= The 6irst and "est *a$ is to choose the riht thin in the 6irst p&ace and then there is no reason to 6ee& ui&t$= Or! i%%ediate&$ as. 6or 9ods 6ori3eness *hen $ou reconiJe that $ou ha3e sinned= Dont "e satis6ied *ith %ere&$ 6ihtin ui&t e3er$ da$! "ut instead stud$ 9ods Word and pra$ a"out it unti& $ou can enuine&$ sa$! There is no conde%nation 6or those *ho are in ChristG see Ro%= 5:1= Decision and con6ession: I *i&& not *aste %$ &i6e 6ee&in ui&t$=
C)APTER 1( Fear Fear is an e%otion that *e o6ten e>perience= So%e 6ear is hea&th$ and .eeps us out o6 trou"&e= The 6ear o6 steppin out into onco%in tra66ic and the 6ear o6 puttin $our hand into a hot 6ire are hea&th$ 6ears= It %iht "e "etter to sa$ that those insihts are *isdo%= I6 a person is ha3in chest pains radiatin do*n the ar%! he shou&d "e a6raid to inore it= It is a *arnin that so%ethin serious %a$ "e *ron= There are peop&e *ho in3ite trou"&e "ecause the$ dont pa$ heed to hea&th$ 6ear= But so%e .inds o6 6ear are unhea&th$ and on&$ tor%ent us and pre3ent us 6ro% %a.in proress= The &ist o6 cripp&in 6ears that stea& our ua&it$ o6 &i6e is end&ess= )o* can *e e>perience 6reedo% 6ro% tor%entin 6ear' I "e&ie3e the on&$ *a$ to o3erco%e 6ear is to &i3e "o&d&$= Bo&dness ena"&es us to con6ront our 6ear and re6use to &et that e%otion ru&e us= Actua&&$! courae is said to "e proress in the presence o6 6ear= The 6ee&ins o6 6ear are rea& and can "e 3er$ stron= Fear is one o6 the %ost po*er6u& neati3e e%otions *e encounter throuhout &i6e= The &oner *e per%it 6ee&ins o6 6ear to ru&e us! the stroner the$ "eco%e= A person ru&ed "$ 6ear is said to ha3e a spirit o6 6ear= In other *ords! she 6unctions and %a.es %ost decisions on the "asis not o6 6aith! 6ai th!
"ut o6 6ear= Those *ith a spirit o6 6ear are prone to thin. o6 the *orst thin that cou&d happen rather than the "est= The &ist o6 *hati6sG is end&ess! and the 6ear o6 the un.no*n .eeps the% 6roJen in p&ace and una"&e to %a.e hea&th$ proress in &i6e= We a&& e>perience 6ear 6ro% ti%e to ti%e! "ut that is uite di66erent 6ro% &i3in *ith a spirit o6 6ear= I dont "e&ie3e *e shou&d put up *ith an$ 6ear that is not hea&th$= When *e 6ee& stron&$ that *e are to ta.e a certain action! perhaps an action that 9od is &eadin us to ta.e! and 6ear tries to stop us! *e %ust do it a6raid=G I ha3e shared this si%p&e "ut po*er6u& princip&e in so%e o6 %$ other *ritin! "ut it is i%possi"&e 6or %e to teach on 6ear *ithout it= Con6rontation is usua&&$ necessar$ 6or 6reedo%= Satan *or.s 3er$ hard to stea& the 6reedo% ;esus has pro3ided 6or us! and *e %ust "e prepared to aressi3e&$ resist hi% at a&& ti%es= The "est response *hen $ou 6ee& 6ear6u& is to sa$ e%phatica&&$! I *i&& not 6ear=G I cannot pro%ise that dec&aration *i&& %a.e the 6ee&in o6 6ear disappear! "ut it does &et the de3i& .no* *here $ou stand! and it is a *a$ o6 re%indin $ourse&6 that $ou ha3e a riht to &i3e "o&d&$! *ithout &ettin 6ear ru&e $ou= The 6ee&ins o6 6ear *i&& e3aporate &itt&e "$ &itt&e as $ou con6ront the%! "ut the$ are not &i.e&$ to o a*a$ on their o*n= Fear is the nu%"er one too& used "$ Satan to .eep peop&e 6ro% "ein in 9ods *i&& and en@o$in the &i6e )e has pro3ided= pro3ided=
There are thousands o6 di66erent 6ears! "ut the princip&es o6 ho* to de6eat 6ear are the sa%e no %atter *hat .ind *e are dea&in *ith= Fo&&o*in are so%e o6 the 6ears that are pre3a&ent in peop&es &i3es= @ommon ears
One o6 the stronest and %ost persistent 6ears that peop&e e>perience is the 6ear that the$ *ont ha3e *hat the$ need= We *ant to 6ee& sa6e in e3er$ area o6 &i6e= We *ant to "e secure in our "e&ie6 that *e *i&& ha3e *hat *e need *hen *e need it= We %a$ 6ear that *e *i&& &ac. adeuate 6inances or co%panionship! or that *e *ont ha3e the necessar$ strenth and a"i&it$ to achie3e the thins *e need to= +our +our "oss %a$ %a$ reuire $ou $ou to *or. *or. &on hours hours 6or his his "ene6it so he can %a.e %ore %one$ *ithout o66erin o66erin an$ "ene6it to $ou= )is de%ands ta.e $ou a*a$ 6ro% $our 6a%i&$ e>cessi3e&$ and &ea3e $ou tired and *ornout= I6 he is a contro&&in person! he is pro"a"&$ adept at usin $our 6ear o6 @o" &oss to .eep $ou o"edient to his de%ands! "ut $ou need to ha3e "oundaries in $our &i6e 6or $our o*n protection= We can a&so "e a6raid that *e *i&& &ac. the ans*ers *e need *hen *e %ust %a.e an i%portant decision= No %atter *hat the 6ear is! 9ods Word sa$s *e are not to 6ear "ecause )e is *ith us= It is @ust that si%p&e: Fear not Hthere is nothin to 6ear! 6or I a%
*ith $ouG Isa= ,1:18= )e has e3er$thin *e need and )e &o3es us! so &i.e an$ &o3in parent! )e *i&& pro3ide 6or us= )e has pro%ised to ne3er &ea3e us or 6orsa.e us= )e ne3er s&eeps! )e is e3er present! and )e .eeps *atch o3er us *ith &o3in care= I a% sure that "rins the uestion to %ind: I6 9od is *ith %e! *h$ do "ad thins happen to %e' 9od ne3er pro%ises pro%ises us a trou"&e6ree &i6e! "ut )e does pro%ise us )is presence and the strenth %enta&! ph$sica&! and e%otiona& *e reuire to et throuh our trou"&es= This encouraes %e to re%e%"er that e3en thouh Danie& had to o into the &ions den! he ca%e out unhar%ed= )is 6riends Shadrach! -eshach! and A"edneo had to o into the 6ier$ 6urnace= The$ e3en had to endure the 6urnace "ein turned up hotter than usua&! "ut there appeared a 6ourth %an in the 6urnace ;esus to "e *ith the%! and e3entua&&$ the$ a&so ca%e out unhar%ed= The Bi"&e e3en states states that the$ *ent into the 6urnace "ound and ca%e out &oosed= It *as inside the 6urnace that the$ ot 6ree 6ro% their "ondae Wo* The Bi"&e sa$s that *hen the$ ca%e out! the$ didnt e3en s%e&& &i.e s%o.e= See Dan= (? 2= Perhaps *e shou&d p&ace %ore 3a&ue on the &essons 6ro% the 6urnace= I ha3e rea&iJed that *e not on&$ ro* spiritua&&$ in our tria&s! "ut *e ro* %uch %ore than *e e3er do *hen e3er$thin is oin *e&&= No %atter *hat the pro"&e% is! *e can "e assured that this too sha&& pass!G and *e *i&& "e stroner and .no* 9od "etter *hen it is o3er than "e6ore it "ean=
ehold? I have given "ou authorit" and power to trample upon serpents and scorpions, and #ph"sical and mental strength and abilit"$ over all the power that the enem" #possesses$' and nothing shall in an" wa" wa" harm "ou. (!uke 10:19
Se3era& $ears ao! a 6riend o6 %ine *ent in 6or a routine chec.up and &earned da$s &ater that her doctor 6eared she %iht ha3e non)od.ins &$%pho%a! the %ost aressi3e 6or% o6 the disease= -ore tests *ere needed! and she *as to&d that it %iht ta.e t*o or three *ee.s "e6ore a con6ir%ed dianosis cou&d "e reached= I as.ed %$ 6riend ho* she ot throuh those *ee.s o6 uncertaint$ and i6 she *as a6raid= +es! I *as a6raid!G she said= But I a&so .ne* that *hate3er the outco%e *as! it *ou&d "e no surprise to 9od=G Then she said so%ethin e&se that %iht "e o6 he&p to $ou! *hether $oure 6ear6u& a"out a dianosis! a possi"&e @o" &oss! or @ust @ust a"out an$thin an$thin e&se= She She to&d %e that that she rea&iJed i6 she *orried 6or three *ee.s and then &earned that she had &$%pho%a! she *ou&d ha3e *asted three 3a&ua"&e *ee.s o6 her &i6e= And i6 she *orried 6or three *ee.s and &earned that she did not ha3e &$%pho%a! she *ou&d ha3e *asted three 3a&ua"&e *ee.s o6 her &i6e= Be&ie3e it or not!G she said! I didnt &ose a %inutes s&eep 6or those t*ent$ one da$s=G
When the tests 6ina&&$ ca%e "ac.! %$ 6riend &earned that she did indeed ha3e non)od.ins &$%pho%a= She had surer$ and endured %an$ %onths o6 che%o= I% p&eased to te&& $ou that ten $ears &ater! shes in terri6ic hea&th= And she didnt *aste three 3a&ua"&e *ee.s= !et2s et 4 ew 4ttitude
I thin. that so%e %odern "e&ie3ers are 6ar too 6ear6u& o6 tria&s and trou"&e= At the 6irst sin o6 trou"&e! *e "ein to shrin. "ac. in 6ear= The "e&ie3ers *ho &i3ed in past centuries see%ed to ha3e had a di66erent strenth than %ost do toda$= We are rather accusto%ed to con3enience and usua&&$ dont do *e&& *ith su66erin o6 an$ t$pe? it 6rihtens us= Lets re%e%"er ho* Da3id 6aced the iant 9o&iath and ta.e @o$ in de6eatin 6ear rather than &ettin it ru&e us= +ou are %uch %ore than $our 6ee&ins= +ou are a po*er6u&! *ise! "e&o3ed chi&d o6 9od! and $ou can do *hate3er $ou need to do in &i6e throuh Christ! *ho is $our strenth see Phi&= P hi&= ,:1(= There %a$ "e ti%es in our &i3es *hen 9od a&&o*s us to o throuh serious di66icu&ties to ena"&e us to %inister to and co%6ort others *ho are su66erin= I6 this is *hat 9od per%its in our &i3es! then *e can "e assured *e are a"&e "ecause )e pro%ises to ne3er a&&o* us to o throuh %ore than *e can "ear= Consider the 6o&&o*in scripture:
lessed be the od and ather of our !ord 8esus @hrist, the ather of s"mpath" (pit" and merc" and the od #-ho is the 3ource$ of ever" comfort (consolation and encouragement, -ho comforts (consoles and encourages us in ever" trouble (calamit" and affliction, so that we ma" also be able to comfort (console and encourage those who are in an" kind of trouble trouble or distress, with the comfort (consolation and encouragement with which we ourselves are comforted comforted (consoled and encouraged b" b" od. (/ @orinthians @orinthians 1:)*+
These 3erses spea. o6 encourae%ent= 9od puts courae in us so *e can na3iate throuh &i6e *ithout the aoniJin tor%ent o6 6ear= 9od did not de&i3er %e 6ro% the a"use I e>perienced in %$ chi&dhood *hen I as.ed )i% to! "ut )e did strenthen %e in it! and %$ e>perience has "eco%e a source o6 co%6ort to %an$= )e did not de&i3er %e 6ro% it! "ut )e has de&i3ered %e 6ro% the e66ects o6 it= I can sa$ *ith Shadrach! -eshach! and A"edneo that there *as indeed a 6ourth %an in %$ 6ier$ 6urnace! and I ha3e co%e out o6 the 6urnace and a nd dont e3en s%e&& &i.e s%o.e= 9od pro%ises a resurrection &i6e &i6e that &i6ts us out 6ro% a%on the dead e3en *hi&e *e are in the "od$ see Phi&= (:1811= The apost&e Pau& stated that he *as deter%ined to .no* 9od and the po*er o6 this resurrection &i6e= No %atter *hat $ou %iht "e oin
throuh riht no*! I encourae $ou to %a.e a decision that 9od *i&& "rin $ou throuh! and $ou do not ha3e to "e a6raid o6 &ac. in an$ area o6 $our &i6e "ecause 9od is 6aith6u&= An$ti%e $ou "ein to dou"t that 9od *i&& co%e throuh 6or $ou! read the 6o&&o*in scripture: !et "our character or moral disposition dispositio n be free from love of mone" #including #in cluding greed, avarice, avarice, lust, and craving for earthl" possessions$ and be satisfied with "our present #circumstances and with what "ou have$' have$' for 6e #od$ 6imself has said, I will not in an" wa" fail "ou nor give "ou up nor leave "ou without support. #I will$ not, #I will$ not, #I will$ not in an" degree leave "ou helpless nor forsake nor let #"ou$ down (rela% 5" hold on "ou? #4ssuredl" not?$ 3o we take comfort and are encouraged and confidentl" and boldl" sa", sa", he !ord is i s m" 6elper' I will not be seiJed with alarm ala rm #I will not fear or dread or be terrified$. -hat can man do to me (6ebrews 1):E*=
9od instructed ;oshua to &ead the Israe&ites into the Pro%ised Land a6ter -oses died= ;oshua had "een c&ose to -oses and no dou"t had seen 6irsthand the di66icu&ties -oses e>perienced= Wou&d he "e a"&e to do *hat -oses had done' Cou&d he endure the un"e&ie6! %ur%urin! and co%p&ainin o6 the
peop&e' Was he stron enouh' Wou&d the peop&e respect his &eadership' 9od re%inded ;oshua that as )e *as *ith -oses! so )e *ou&d "e *ith hi%= Then 9od to&d ;oshua se3era& se3era& ti%es that a&& he needed to do *as .eep oin 6or*ard= 9od ne3er pro%ised hi% that he *ou&dnt 6ee& 6ear! "ut he to&d hi% to con6ront his 6ear and %o3e past it= The *ord 6ear %eans to ta.e 6&iht or run a*a$ 6ro%=G )o* o6ten do *e run 6ro% thins in 6ear *hen 9od c&ear&$ *ants us to stand 6ir% and do it a6raidG' ;oshua cou&d cou&d not &et the 6ee&in 6ee&in o6 6ear 6ear ru&e hi%! and neither can *e= 9od has a ood p&an 6or $our &i6e! "ut Satan *i&& use 6ear to %a.e an e66ort to stea& that ood p&an= It is up to us *hether *e &et hi% succeed or not= Stop *aitin 6or a&& $our 6ee&ins o6 6ear to o a*a$ and con6ront the% "o&d&$ in the strenth o6 9od= E3er$ e3enin I turn %$ *orries o3er to 9od= )es oin to "e up a&& niht an$*a$ an$*a$= -ar$ C= Cro*&e$ 4re ;ou Cnplugged
There is no po*er shortae in hea3en= 9od is not e3er in a recession= )is race is su66icient to %eet e3er$ need= What is race' 9race is the po*er o6 the )o&$ Spirit co%in to us 6ree&$! ena"&in us to do *ith ease *hat *e cou&d ne3er do on our o*n= +ou %iht 6ind other de6initions statin that race is
9ods di3ine 6a3or and that is certain&$ true! "ut it *as i%portant to %e to &earn that )is race *as the po*er I needed to &i3e %$ &i6e in 3ictor$= 9race can "e recei3ed on&$ throuh 6aith! and that is one o6 the %ain reasons *h$ *e %ust resist 6ear= When *e a&&o* 6ear to ru&e us! *e un*ittin&$ recei3e *hat Satan has p&anned 6or our &i3es instead o6 *hat 9od has p&anned= Faith is our p&u into the race o6 9od= Thin. o6 a &a%p= The &a%p can i3e &iht on&$ i6 it is p&ued into a po*er source= I6 it is unp&ued! it *i&& not *or.! no %atter ho* %an$ ti%es *e turn the s*itch on and o66= I *as once in a hote& roo% tr$in to et a &a%p to *or. and in 6rustration thouht! Cant these hote&s e3en pro3ide a &a%p that *or.s' Then so%eone 6ro% the %aintenance depart%ent ca%e to %$ roo%! on&$ to disco3er the &a%p *as unp&ued= I as. aain! Are $ou unp&ued'G )a3e $ou &et 6ear stea& $our 6aith' I6 $ou ha3e! dont *orr$ a"out it= ;ust decide riht no* that $ou are oin to ha3e a ne* attitude! one that is 6i&&ed *ith "o&dness! courae! courae! and 6aith= We cannot p&ease 9od *ithout 6aith! so it stands to reason that *e %ust *or. *ith the )o&$ Spirit at a&& ti%es to resist 6ear and sta$ 6i&&ed *ith 6aith= Gelease ;our aith
There is no dou"t that 6ear can "e intense and not so%ethin thats easi&$ inored= It can produce
ph$sica& %ani6estations o6 sha.in! dr$ %outh! *i&d thouhts! and 6ee&ins o6 panic= There6ore! 6or %e to te&& $ou! ;ust inore it!G *ou&d "e a "it ridicu&ous= But I can assure $ou that $our 6aith is reater than an$ 6ear $ou %a$ e>perience= Faith is i3en to a&& %en! accordin to Ro%ans 1#:(! "ut that 6aith %ust "e un&eashed 6or it to do an$ practica& ood= It %a$ sound spiritua& to sa$! I a% 6u&& o6 6aith!G "ut are $ou usin $our 6aith' )o* do $ou un&eash $our 6aith' It is so si%p&e that I thin. *e o6ten %iss it= Faith is re&eased "$ pra$in! sa$in! and doin *hate3er 9od as.s us to do= Three si%p&e steps: Pra"ing
-ost o6 us "e&ie3e that pra$er is po*er6u&! so that shou&d a&*a$s "e our 6irst &ine o6 de6ense= We in3ite 9od to et in3o&3ed in our situations throuh our pra$ers= The Bi"&e sa$s that tre%endous po*er is %ade a3ai&a"&e throuh the pra$ers o6 a rihteous %an= Since *e ha3e "een i3en the rihteousness o6 9od throuh our 6aith in Christ! *e can co%e "o&d&$ to the throne o6 race! and "$ 6aith! as. 6or he&p in p&ent$ o6 ti%e to %eet our need see )e"= ,:12= Dont %ere&$ pra$ 6or the pro"&e% to o a*a$! or that $ou *i&& et so%ethin $ou need or desire! "ut a&so pra$ that 9od *i&& strenthen $ou durin $our *aitin period= Pra$ that $ou *i&& ha3e the race to *ait *ith a ood attitude= The Bi"&e teaches us that
*hen *e pra$! i6 *e "e&ie3e *e ha3e recei3ed and do not dou"t! our pra$er reuest *i&& "e ranted see -ar. 11:###,= It does not sa$ *e *i&& et *hat *e as. 6or i%%ediate&$! "ut *e *i&& et it= I "e&ie3e that the attitude *e *ait *ith partia&&$ deter%ines ho* &on *e ha3e to *ait= A ood attitude &ori6ies 9od and is a ood *itness o6 our 6aith to others= 3a"ing
A6ter *e ha3e pra$ed! its i%portant that *e ta&. as i6 *e tru&$ "e&ie3e "e&ie3e 9od is i s *or.in in our 6a3or= 6a3or= We We dont ha3e to den$ the e>istence o6 the pro"&e%! "ut *e shou&d ta&. a"out it as &itt&e as possi"&e= It is a&so 3er$ i%portant to inc&ude in our con3ersation that *e "e&ie3e 9od is in3o&3ed and *e are e>pectin a "rea.throuh= )o&d 6ast $our con6ession o6 6aith in 9od We can "e p&ued into a po*er source and et our *ires crossed and end up "&o*in a 6use= When *e do that! *e &ose po*er= What do I %ean in practica& ter%s' When *e pra$ and as. speci6ica&&$ 6or so%ethin and then *e .eep co%p&ainin as i6 *e had ne3er pra$ed at a&&! *e are shortcircuitin our 6aith= One positi3e pra$er and one neati3e state%ent can "rin us "ac. to Jero po*er= We re&ease po*er *hen *e pra$! and *e neate po*er *hen *e co%p&ain or %a.e an$ .ind o6 neati3e! 6aith&ess state%ent= The ood ne*s is that *hen *e "&o* a 6use! *e can
o to the "rea.er "o> and reset e3er$thin= We can o "ac. to 9od and reset our 6aith and %ouths in the riht direction= Dont 6ee& hope&ess i6 $ou ha3e %ade a 6e* %ista.es= oing
The third inredient in re&easin $our 6aith is to do *hate3er $ou "e&ie3e 9od is as.in $ou to do= O"edience is a .e$ to our 3ictor$ and sho*s that *e ha3e 6aith in 9od= When 9od to&d -oses to stri.e the roc. and *ater *ou&d co%e out so the Israe&ites cou&d drin.! he did not o"e$ 9od= -oses *as anr$! and he struc. the roc. t*ice instead o6 once as he "een to&d to do= 9od to&d -oses that he did not honor )i% in 6ront o6 the Israe&ites "$ doin e>act&$ as he had "een to&d= True 6aith does *hat 9od as.s it to do= When ;esus *as as.ed "$ )is %other to pro3ide %ore *ine 6or the *eddin the$ *ere attendin! she turned to the ser3ants and said! Whate3er )e sa$s to $ou! do itG The$ needed a %irac&e 6or the *eddin part$ to proceed as e>pected! and in order to et the %irac&e! the$ needed to do e>act&$ as ;esus instructed see ;ohn #:111= So%eti%es )e e3en as.s us to do nothin! and in that case! nothin is *hat *e need to do= The Bi"&e sa$s to "e sti&& and .no* that )e is 9od see Psa&% ,2:18= That is o6ten harder 6or %e than sta$in acti3e doin so%ethin= O"edience is one *a$ o6 re&easin our 6aith=
I6 *e are hearers o6 the Word and not doers! *e are decei3in ourse&3es throuh reasonin that is contrar$ to the truth see ;a%es 1:##= O"edient action is a reuire%ent 6or %irac&es= ;esus %et a "&ind %an *ho reuested hea&in= )e spat on the round! %ade %ud and ru""ed it on the %ans e$es! then to&d hi% to o *ash in a poo& o6 *ater= The %an cou&d ha3e %ade an e>cuse and said! ;esus! I a% "&ind= )o* can I e3en 6ind the *ater' And 6urther%ore! this %ethod o6 spittin and a nd ru""in %ud on %$ e$es see%s a "it unorthodo>=G ;esus *as predicta"&$ unpredicta"&e= )e did thins di66erent&$ *hen *or.in *ith di66erent peop&e= I thin. this %a$ ha3e "een to sho* that the %ethod is not the i%portant thin= What is i%portant is 6or us to trust and do *hat )e sa$s= There is no dou"t that 6ear *i&& co%e! "ut i6 $ou .eep %o3in 6or*ard! it has no *a$ to contro& $ou= E3en thouh 6ear %a$ "e ta&.in to $ou! that does not %ean $ou ha3e to &isten= Satan *i&& use 6ear to stea& our destin$ i6 *e a&&o* hi% to! "ut our 6aith has %ore po*er than 6ear *hen it is re&eased= !ook 4t he -hole Picture
When *e 6ocus on *hat has one *ron! it can start to see% that nothin e3er oes riht! "ut that is si%p&$ not true= I3e had &ots o6 terri"&e thins ta.e p&ace in %$ &i6e: a"use throuhout %$ chi&dhood! 6ai&ure o6 %$ 6irst %arriae! "reast cancer!
h$sterecto%$! %iraine headaches 6or ten $ears! &oss o6 6riends and 6a%i&$ *hen ca&&ed into %inistr$ I cou&d o on and %a.e the &ist e3en &oner! "ut %$ point is that e3en *ith a&& o6 that! %$ ood ti%es ha3e outnu%"ered %$ "ad= Loo. at $our &i6e as a *ho&e rather than 6ocusin on traedies! traedies! tria&s! and disappoint%ents= disappoint%ents= Loo.in at the ood *i&& i3e $ou courae to dea& *ith the "ad thins and a3oid &i3in in 6ear= In each o6 the situations I %entioned %entioned a"o3e! I 6e&t a6raid! "ut I %ade it throuh the% a&& *ith 9ods he&p= Rea&iJin that i3es %e courae to 6ace the 6uture "o&d&$! .no*in that I tru&$ can do a&& thins throuh Christ! *ho strenthens %e= ear Bf Inadeuac"
-an$ o6 our 6ears are rooted in insecurit$ and se&6 dou"t= What do $ou thin. o6 $ourse&6' I encourae $ou to *or. *ith the )o&$ Spirit to see $ourse&6 the *a$ 9od sees $ou= There is no po*er *ithout con6idence= Are $ou a6raid that 9od is not p&eased *ith $ou' Do $ou reu&ar&$ in3entor$ a&& $our 6au&ts! past 6ai&ures! and *ea.nesses! *ea.nesses! and then 6ee& *ea. due to 6ear' I6 $ou do! then $ou are 6ocusin on the *ron thin= 9od i3es us )is po*er race to ena"&e us to do *hat is needed in spite o6 our *ea.nesses= In 6act! the Bi"&e sa$s that )is po*er is %ade per6ect and
disp&a$s itse&6 "est throuh our *ea.nesses= 9od purpose&$ chooses the *ea. and 6oo&ish thins o6 the *or&d to *or. throuh so that *e *i&& i3e )i% the &or$ 6or *hat is "ein done= 9od *ants to a%aJe the *or&d! and one o6 the *a$s )e does that is "$ acco%p&ishin reat thins throuh peop&e *ho are *ea. and dont ha3e the natura& a"i&it$ to co%p&ete the tas. at hand see 1 Cor= 1:#0#7= When 9od ca&&ed -oses to &ead the Israe&ites out o6 E$pt and into the Pro%ised Land! -oses a3e one e>cuse a6ter another as to *h$ he cou&d not o"e$= A&& his e>cuses *ere rooted in 6ear= On&$ 6aith p&eases 9od= At one point 9od ot so anr$ *ith -oses that )e actua&&$ threatened to .i&& hi% un&ess he o"e$ed= -oses 6ina&&$ did ta.e a step o6 6aith! *hich %ani6ested in o"edience! and he *as used %ihti&$ "$ 9od= ;ere%iah *as *as a $oun %an ca&&ed o6 9od to do %iht$ thins! "ut he too co*ered in 6ear= 9od e3entua&&$ to&d ;ere%iah that i6 he &et the 6ear o6 %an ru&e hi%! 9od *ou&d a&&o* hi% to "e o3erco%e and de6eated in 6ront o6 the% see ;er= 1:14= I e>perienced a &ot o6 6ear a"out %$se&6! so i6 $ou are in that p&ace riht no*! I can assure $ou that I .no* ho* $ou 6ee&=G But! I a% encourain $ou to re%e%"er that $our 6ee&ins dont con3e$ truth? on&$ 9ods Word does= +ou %a$ 6ee& that $ou are not *hat $ou are supposed to "e! that $ou are strane or unusua&! "ut the truth is *e are a&& uniue&$ created
"$ 9od 6or a specia& purpose and shou&d &earn ho* to en@o$ ourse&3es rather than "ein tor%ented "$ a&& .inds o6 6ears o6 inadeuac$= I *asted so%e $ears tr$in to "e &i.e other peop&e I .ne*! "ut I 6ound that 9od *ont he&p us "e an$one other than ourse&3es= Re&a>! &earn to &o3e $ourse&6! and dont "e a6raid that $ou *ont "e a"&e to do *hat $ou need to do= The truth is that none o6 us can do *hat *e need to do *ithout 9ods he&p= I6 *e &oo. at on&$ *hat *e thin. *e can do! *e *i&& a&& "e 6rihtened? "ut i6 *e &oo. at ;esus and 6ocus on )i%! )e *i&& i3e us the courae to o 6or*ard e3en in the presence o6 6ear= Start toda$ %anain the e%otion o6 6ear! and $ou *i&& proress to*ard the "est 9od has 6or $ou= Decision and con6ession: I *i&& "e couraeous and not &et the e%otion o6 6ear ru&e %e=
C)APTER 1, )and&in Loss It see%s to %e that the on&$ thin *ere happ$ to &ose is *eiht! and e3en thats a pain6u& process Apart 6ro% that! &oss is usua&&$ de3astatin= But &i.e it or not! &oss is an inescapa"&e part o6 &i6e! and *e a&& e>perience it= It is durin these ti%es that *e e>perience so%e o6 the %ost intense e%otions= The *ord &oss itse&6 is o6ten associated *ith %a@or &i6e e3ents: the &oss o6 a @o"! a %arriae! a &o3ed one= But &oss isnt con6ined to hue crises= We o throuh %an$ &osses! "i and s%a&&! in the course o6 a nor%a& &i6e= Our chi&dren ro* up and dont need us the *a$ the$ once did= We ro* o&der and can no &oner .eep up the pace that *e used to ha3e= The )o&%es and Rahe Stress Sca&e! *hich %easures the i%pact o6 %a@or &i6e e3ents on ones hea&th! inc&udes 6ort$one e3ents that trier sini6icant stress= E3er$ e3ent is assined a nu%"er o6 points! and *hen the su% o6 those points hits 108 or %ore! the ris. o6 i&&ness oes up dra%atica&&$= Its interestin to note that eiht o6 the top ten e3ents are &osses? the on&$ t*o e>ceptions are %arriae and %arita& reconci&iation= reconci&iation= E3en retire%ent! *hich is usua&&$ a *onder6u& ti%e o6 &i6e! in3o&3es in3o&3es the &oss o6 a decades&on routine! a
stead$ pa$chec.! and so%eti%es a sense o6 purpose= !ife
1= Death o6 a spouse 188 #= Di3orce 4( (= -arita& separation 20 ,= I%prison%ent 2( 0= Death o6 a c&ose 6a%i&$ %e%"er 2( 2= Persona& in@ur$ or i&&ness 0( 4= -arriae 08 5= Dis%issa& 6ro% *or. ,4 7= -arita& reconci&iation ,0 18= Retire%ent ,0 What sets &oss apart 6ro% other situations is that %an$ &osses are per%anent! and *hi&e a &oss %a$ so%eda$ "e 6o&&o*ed "$ so%ethin e&se that is ood! the &oss itse&6 cannot "e undone= When a 6riendship ends! $ou %a$ %a.e another 6riend and en@o$ the sa%e acti3ities $ou en@o$ed *ith $our o&d 6riend! "ut the oriina& 6riendship is one 6ore3er! un&ess the
6riendship can "e reconci&ed= +ou cant re%inisce *ith $our ne* 6riend a"out that reat 3acation $our 6a%i&ies too. toether or the ti%e *hen the t*o o6 $ou ate at a restaurant! on&$ to rea&iJe that neither o6 $ou had $our *a&&et= When a %arriae ends! *hether "$ di3orce or death! that union is one 6ore3er= Whi&e $ou %a$ re%arr$ and 6ind reat @o$! perhaps e3en reater @o$ than "e6ore! the specia& thins that %ade $our re&ationship *ith $our 6irst hus"and uniue are a thin o6 the past= Whi&e the %e%ories *i&& i3e $ou p&easure! the$re a pa&e su"stitute 6or the rea& thin= Once a person &oses his @o"! e3en i6 he ets a "etter one &ater on! the stin o6 ha3in "een to&d to o a*a$G re%ains 6or a &on ti%e= o hrough It, ot 4round It
In A 9race Disuised: )o* the Sou& 9ro*s Throuh Loss! ;err$ Sittser descri"es his e>perience a6ter his *i6e! his %other! and his $oun dauhter *ere .i&&ed in a traic car accident= In a sp&it second! he had &ost his parent! his he&p%ate! and his chi&d= Stru&in to co%e to ter%s *ith the traed$ hed "een p&uned into! he had a drea% one niht= )e *as runnin *est! tr$in to catch the settin sun and 6ee& its *ar%th and its &iht= But he *as &osin the race= As he 6o&&o*ed "ehind! the sun *as a&*a$s in 6ront o6
hi%! headin to*ard the horiJon= No %atter ho* 6ast he ran! the sun .ept its distance= In the drea%! he &ost hope and co&&apsed in the dar.ness= Later on! he *as descri"in the drea% to a 6riend! *ho pointed out to hi% that the 6astest *a$ to reach the sun and the &iht o6 da$ is not to head *est! chasin a6ter the settin sun! "ut to head east and p&une into the dar.ness unti& the sunrise co%es= I disco3ered in that %o%ent!G he said! that I had the po*er to choose the direction %$ &i6e *ou&d head! e3en i6 the on&$ choice open to %e! at &east initia&&$! *as either to run 6ro% the &oss or to 6ace it as "est I cou&d= Since I .ne* that dar.ness *as ine3ita"&e and una3oida"&e! I decided to *a&. into the dar.ness rather than tr$ to outrun it=G The ood ne*s is that there is so%ethin *aitin 6or $ou on the other side o6 &oss= It %a$ "e a di66erent @o"! it %a$ %a$ "e a di66erent di66erent spouse! or it it %a$ "e a ne* a"i&it$ to e%pathiJe *ith others *ho are oin throuh a situation si%i&ar to $ours= But $ou do ha3e a choice= +ou can %o3e throuh $our &oss and co%e out on the other side= The decision to %o3e 6or*ard doesnt e&i%inate the e%otions that *e 6ee&! "ut the e%otions *i&& su"side as ti%e oes "$= It is i%portant not to &et our e%otions contro& us durin &oss= It is "est not to %a.e rash decisions or sudden chanes unti& *e ha3e had an opportunit$ to %enta&&$ ad@ust to the &oss=
he 3tages Bf !oss 4nd rief
E&isa"eth MQ"&erRoss *as the 6irst to reconiJe that there are patterns o6 response to &oss *hen she studied peop&es e>periences o6 death and d$in in the 1748s= She &earned that %ost peop&e o throuh si%i&ar phases *hen the$ undero a %a@or &oss! and *hi&e not e3er$one oes throuh a&& the staes! her 6indins pro3ide a ood road %ap o6 *hat to e>pect *hen *e su66er &oss= Lets discuss each o6 the 6i3e staes o6 rie6: 1. 3hock 4nd enial
Susan had "een a custo%er custo%er ser3ice %anaer at a &are %ai&order ser3ice oraniJation oraniJation 6or nine $ears= She had *or.ed her *a$ up in the co%pan$ 6ro% the ti%e she *as t*ent$t*o $ears o&d! recei3in ood re3ie*s and consistent pro%otions a&on the *a$= As %anaer! she had co%e up *ith a *a$ to &i%it custo%ers *aitin ti%e on the phone to 6i6teen seconds or &ess! and she raised the e66icienc$ o6 her depart%ent "$ (8 percent= She *as in the %idd&e o6 *or.in on a pi&ot prora% that *ou&d do a*a$ *ith recorded responses to custo%er ca&&s entire&$! and &i3e operators *ere he&pin e3er$ inuir$= Business *as sti&& do*n "ecause o6 the recession! "ut
ne*s reports *ere "einnin to sa$ that the econo%$ *as turnin around and thins *ere &oo.in up= It *as an a3erae Thursda$ a6ternoon and the *or.da$ *as *indin do*n= When her "oss ca&&ed Susan into her o66ice 6or their *ee.&$ %eetin! Susan *as read$ to produce the &atest 6iures! sti&& i%pro3in! and possi"&$ .ic. "ac. 6or a 6e* %inutes and chat *ith her "oss a"out their chi&dren! *ho *ere in the sa%e rade= The %inute she *a&.ed into Renees o66ice! Susan cou&d te&& thered "e no chattin that da$= Renee &oo.ed upset= She o66ered Susan a cup o6 co66ee and then to&d her that the co%pan$ *as cuttin "ac.? that the$d done e3er$thin possi"&e to tri% their "udets! "ut the$ *ere sti&& &osin %one$= Four %anaers *ere &osin their @o"s! and un6ortunate&$! Susan *as *as one o6 the%= She cou&d tie up &oose ends the ne>t da$ and then sa$ ood"$e to her co&&eaues= Renee *as terri"&$ sorr$? it had nothin to do *ith Susans per6or%ance and e3er$thin to do *ith tr$in to .eep the co%pan$ a6&oat= Susan *a&.ed out o6 her "osss o66ice in a daJe= At 6irst she cou&dnt "e&ie3e it= Sure&$ she *as drea%in= One %inute &i6e is ood? the ne>t! the *or&d is turned upside do*n! and shoc. and surprise set in= 9od has created us in such a *a$ that our "rains are 3er$ protecti3e o6 us= The "rain understands that so%eti%es *e @ust cant ta.e in the rea&it$ o6 a "i
chane? it *ou&d "e too o3er*he&%in to a"sor" e3er$thin at once= So it re6uses to &et a&& the i%pact hit us riht a*a$= I &i.e to sa$ that 9od has "ui&t us *ith shoc. a"sor"ers &i.e a car has that so6ten the i%pact *hen *e hit a hue potho&e in the road= Durin this stae! $ou 6ee& nu%"! as i6 $oure s&eep*a&.in= +ou %a$ catch $ourse&6 @ust starin at the *a&&s! una"&e to 6ocus or do e3en e3er$da$ tas.s= Out o6 the "&ue $ou&& sha.e $our head and sa$ to no one in particu&ar! I @ust cant "e&ie3e it=G /. 3adness
Once the shoc. has "eun to *ear o66! sadness sets in= So%eti%es the pain is so intense that it e%eres in ph$sica& s$%pto%s= Fatiue! inso%nia! &oss o6 appetite! and e3en chest pain %a$ occur= Wa3es Wa3es o6 sadness ro&& o3er $ou &i.e the oceans tide= ;ust *hen $ou thin. $oure 6ee&in "etter! another one crashes up aainst $ou= Readin the Psa&%s can "e 3er$ co%6ortin at ti%es &i.e this= ). 4nger
This is the Wh$ Wh$ %e'G stae= It @ust isnt 6air Susan thouht ti%e and aain= She had *or.ed hard and done a reat @o" 6or her co%pan$= Sure&$ there *as another *a$ the$ cou&d ha3e econo%iJed *ithout cuttin her @o"= Wh$ hadnt the$ cared enouh to 6ind a *a$ to .eep her'
Be&ie3e it or not! aner is a 3a&ua"&e part o6 the hea&in process= /n&i.e sadness! *hich is e>haustin! aner eneriJes and prope&s us to %o3e 6or*ard= -hen angr", do not sin' do not ever let "our wrath ("our e%asperation, e%asperation, "our fur" or indignation in dignation last until the sun sun goes goes down. (
I "e&ie3e that aner is one o6 the %ost %isunderstood e%otions e>perienced "$ Christians= -an$ peop&e "e&ie3e its unChristian to et anr$! "ut the Bi"&e doesnt te&& us not to et anr$= Rihteous aner is nor%a&! una3oida"&e! and e3en hea&th$= But *hen aner "u""&es and 6esters inside us! it creates a&& sorts o6 ha3oc in our %inds and our "odies= It raises our "&ood pressure and can cause u&cers= The Bi"&e does te&& us not to &et the sun o do*n on our aner= In other *ords! its "est to dea& *ith aner uic.&$ and decisi3e&$! and dont &et it contro& $our actions= Are $ou anr$ that $our hus"and &ost his @o"' That $our %other is &osin her hea&th and strenth' That $our 6riend died' Thats o.a$= Be anr$= But "e anr$ and do not sin= Dont "&a%e 9od= Dont spea. i&& o6 that 6or%er "oss= Screa% and thro* a coup&e o6 pi&&o*s around pre6era"&$ *hi&e no one e&se is ho%e= Then %o3e on! "ecause *hi&e $our aner is
natura&! it isnt oin to chane the situation= I stron&$ encourae ta&.in to 9od open&$ durin the entire crisis= Te&& )i% that $ou are anr$ and as. )i% to he&p $ou hand&e $our aner in an appropriate *a$= +. epression
A6ter the shoc.! sadness! and aner ha3e run their course! depression can set in= Durin depression! depression! ones o3era&& sense o6 hope 6or the 6uture has "een &ost= Li6es acti3ities see% point&ess! and a person o6ten *ithdra*s 6ro% connectin *ith 6riends and 6a%i&$= This is a nor%a& response to &oss! "ut i6 it persists 6or too &on! it %a$ "e a ood idea to see a counse&or *ho speci6ica&&$ dea&s *ith the crisis e>perienced durin %a@or &oss! or o and ta&. to so%eone *ho has e>perienced the sa%e thin $ou ha3e= A ood 6riend o6 ours *ho is a pastor e>perienced the death o6 a son *ho *as e&ectrocuted under the p&at6or% in the church= To %a.e %atters *orse! the accident resu&ted 6ro% 6au&t$ *irin that *as insta&&ed "$ one o6 his church %e%"ers= It too. hi% and his *i6e a &on ti%e to reco3er 6ro% their &oss! "ut no* the$ he&p a &ot o6 other peop&e *ho ha3e e>perienced the &oss o6 a chi&d= -ost o6 the ti%e! depression "orn out o6 &oss *i&& radua&&$ 6ade as the ne>t stae co%es into p&a$= In the Psa&%s! Da3id ta&.ed open&$ a"out 6ee&in depressed! $et he re6used to &et the e%otion contro&
hi% see Psa&%s ,#:02! 11? ,(:0= I *ou&d &i.e to sa$ aain! "e 3er$ care6u& o6 %a.in %a@or decisions durin a "out o6 rie6induced depression= An$ decisions are &i.e&$ to "e in6&uenced "$ ho* $ou 6ee& at the ti%e and %a$ not "e *hat $ou *i&& *ant at a&& *hen $ou ha3e had ti%e to hea&= E. 4cceptance 4nd 6ope
A6ter Susan &ost her @o"! she *ent throuh the staes o6 rie6 o3er the course o6 se3era& *ee.s= S&o*&$! she "ean to e%ere 6ro% her 6ee&ins o6 shoc. and despair! and she rea&iJed that the *or&d *asnt co%in to an end= Whi&e she had ta.en reat pride in her achie3e%ents and identit$ as a custo%er ser3ice %anaer! she rea&iJed that her @o" *as on&$ one a&"eit i%portant6acet o6 *ho she *as= She *as sti&& a *i6e! %other! dauhter! and 6riend= She hadnt &ost her ta&ent or her discip&ine or s.i&&s= She @ust needed to use the% so%e*here e&se= She updated her rsu% and started &oo.in 6or another @o"= It too. a 6e* %onths! "ut Susan *as a"&e to 6ind another position that uti&iJed her s.i&&s and her ne* co%pan$ had a %ore enerous 3acation po&ic$= B$ the ti%e a coup&e o6 %onths had passed! Susan *as happi&$ ensconced in her ne* @o"= I "e&ie3e that *hen a %a@or &oss occurs! there is no p&ace 6or it in our thin.in= It is so shoc.in and pain6u& that *e si%p&$ dont .no* ho* to thin.
a"out it= The reater the &oss! the &oner it can ta.e to hea&= Ti%e a&&o*s us to et %enta&&$ ad@usted to the *a$ thins are no*! and *e can 6ina&&$ %a.e p&ans 6or the 6uture= 6ow to 6eal
+ou +ou cannot pre3en pre3entt the "irds o6 o6 sorro* 6ro% 6ro% 6&$in o3er $our head! "ut $ou can pre3ent the% 6ro% "ui&din nests in $our hair= Chinese Pro3er" -$ 6riend Lauren didnt et %arried unti& she *as 6ort$6i3e= She *ou&d o6ten @o.e that "$ the ti%e she %et her hus"andto"e! she had a "etter chance o6 sihtin E&3is than o6 %eetin the &o3e o6 her &i6e= It soon "eca%e c&ear! thouh! that Bo" *as indeed the &o3e o6 her &i6e? she ca&&ed hi% her present 6ro% 9od=G So%eti%es it *as hard to "e&ie3e that an$one cou&d ha3e such a *onder6u& %arriae A &itt&e o3er a $ear ao! Bo" *ent to the hospita& 6or a routine a&&"&adder surer$= )ed "een 3er$ tired and run do*n 6or se3era& %onths! and Lauren *as hope6u& that a6ter the surer$ hed et his o&d ener$ "ac. and 6ee& "etter than e3er= A coup&e o6 da$s a6ter ettin ho%e 6ro% the hospita&! it *as c&ear that so%ethin *as sti&& *ron *ith Bo"= Lauren too. hi% "ac. to the hospita&! *here the$ 6ound a super"uG in6ection= Whi&e it *as serious! there *ere anti"iotics that cou&d treat it! and Lauren *as
to&d that Bo" *ou&d pro"a"&$ "e a"&e to co%e ho%e in @ust a 6e* da$s= The ne>t %ornin! Laurens phone ran at 2:88 a=%= It *as the hospita&! ca&&in to te&& her that Bo" had one code "&ueG t*o ti%es durin the niht! and he needed e%erenc$ %a@or surer$ to sa3e his &i6e= )e %ade it throuh the surer$! "ut the in6ection had a&read$ attac.ed a&& his %a@or orans= For a %onth he re%ained at deaths door! a"&e to co%%unicate *ith Lauren on&$ once! *hen he opened his e$es and %outhed the *ords! I &o3e $ou=G A6ter thirt$one da$s in the IC/! Bo" died= Lauren *as de3astated= Shed *aited so &on to %arr$! and no* she *as a *ido* at the ae o6 6i6t$ 6i3e! a6ter @ust ten $ears o6 %arriae= I recent&$ sat do*n *ith Lauren and as.ed her to te&& %e a"out her e>perience durin the $ear 6o&&o*in Bo"s death= )o* did she cope' What did peop&e do that *as he&p6u&' What *asnt he&p6u&' I as.ed her to i3e %$ readers so%e o6 the "ene6it o6 her e>perience o6 rie6= Whi&e her e>perience is *ith death! I3e noticed that each point app&ies to %an$ .inds o6 &oss= )ere are so%e o6 the thins she shared= 1. 8ust Heep reathing Lauren to&d %e that a6ter Bo" died! she cou&dnt i%aine ettin throuh the rest o6 her &i6e *ithout
hi%= She to&d herse&6 she @ust needed to et throuh the ne>t $ear! *hich *ou&d "e the hardest one! "ut that *as too o3er*he&%in= Litt&e "$ &itt&e! she .ept reducin the &enth o6 ti%e she needed to et throuh in order to %a.e it= A %onth *as too dauntin? e3en a *ee. or a da$ 6e&t &i.e too %uch= Fina&&$! she rea&iJed that a&& she had to do at an$ i3en %o%ent *as @ust .eep "reathin and e3entua&&$ she *ou&d %a.e it throuh= ;ust .eep "reathinG "reathinG "eca%e her %otto % otto== I re%e%"er a ti%e *hen I e>perienced a %a@or &oss and I .ept sa$in! ;ust et up and put one 6oot in 6ront o6 the other=G I 6e&t I needed to @ust .eep %o3in so I didnt sin. into the despair I 6e&t= /. on2t 5ake 4n" ig ecisions or @hanges for a ;ear
A6ter Bo" died! Lauren *anted to run a*a$= Bo" had spent t*o $ears &o3in&$ reno3atin their ho%e! and e3er$*here Lauren &oo.ed! she sa* e3idence o6 Bo"= In 6act! she had o6ten re6erred to their house as Bo"s &o3e &etter to her= She 6eared that the house *ou&d "eco%e %ore o6 a prison than a ho%e= Lauren had a&so "een thin.in a"out chanin @o"s durin the pre3ious $ear= She 6ound herse&6 thin.in a"out uittin her @o" and %o3in to a ne* cit$= Perhaps it *as ti%e to start o3er= Ear&$ on! Lauren decided not to do an$thin 6or a
$ear= She sta$ed in the house and continued *or.in! and "$ the ti%e a $ear had passed! shed 6ound that her house *as a co%6ortin p&ace 6u&& o6 *onder6u& %e%ories= She e3entua&&$ did &ea3e her @o"! "ut "$ then her thin.in *as c&earer! and she *as a"&e to %a.e a s%ooth transition to a *or.in en3iron%ent that *as "etter 6or her= her= ). @r"
Its o.a$ to cr$= In 6act! cr$in is ood 6or $ou= Dr= Wi&&ia% Fre$! a hih&$ respected "ioche%ist! &ed a research tea% that studied tears 6or 6i6teen $ears= The$ disco3ered that tears shed 6or e%otiona& reasons are %ade up o6 di66erent che%ica&s than tears that are caused "$ irritants or "$ pee&in onions= The e%otiona& tears contain to>ins 6ro% the "od$ that onionenerated tears do not contain= The$ conc&uded that che%ica&s that accu%u&ate in the "od$ durin ti%es o6 stress are re%o3ed 6ro% the "od$ inside tears o6 sadness= Not on&$ that! "ut the$ contain hih uantities o6 a hor%one that is one o6 the "est indicators o6 stress= Suppressin those tears actua&&$ contri"utes to ph$sica& diseases that are ara3ated "$ stress! inc&udin hih "&ood pressure! heart pro"&e%s! and peptic u&cers= And did $ou .no* that on&$ hu%ans can *eep' A&& ani%a&s produce tears to &u"ricate their e$es! "ut on&$ peop&e cr$ "ecause the$ are upset or sad= Lauren to&d %e that durin the 6irst 6e* %onths o6
rie3in! she *ou&d routine&$ et into her car and o 6or a cr$in ride=G Shed c&ose the *indo*s! dri3e do*n the hih*a$! and &et herse&6 *ai&! screa%! and cr$ not to *orr$! she said? she cou&d a&*a$s see the road= She to&d %e that the e%otiona& and ph$sica& re&ease *as pa&pa"&e! and that she a&*a$s 6e&t so%e re&ie6 "$ the ti%e she pu&&ed "ac. into her dri3e*a$= A6ter each "i cr$ on the road or at ho%e! Lauren *ou&d te&& herse&6 that she *as one ood cr$ c&oser to hea&in! *hich %ade her 6ee& &i.e she *as %a.in proress= +. ive ;ourself 4 reak
-an$ o6 us tend to put other peop&es interests ahead o6 our o*n= Lauren rea&iJed that it *as 3er$ i%portant 6or her to cut herse&6 %ore s&ac. than usua& and to pa%per herse&6= She decided to et a %assae e3er$ *ee. and "e ood to herse&6 in enera&= I6 she didnt 6ee& &i.e c&eanin the house on a Saturda$ or "rinin a co3ered dish to the church pot&uc. supper! she didnt do it= She tried not to criticiJe herse&6 6or not "ein a super*o%an= super*o%an= She treated herse&6 to cut 6&o*ers and %anicures= 9i3in herse&6 per%ission to o eas$ on herse&6 he&ped her et throuh those di66icu&t 6irst 6e* %onths= E. 5ind ;our 6ealth
Researchers ha3e &earned that dea&in *ith the death
o6 a &o3ed one reuires the sa%e a%ount o6 ener$ as *or.in a 6u&&ti%e @o"= Which %eans i6 $oure *or.in! then $oure *or.in t*o 6u&&ti%e @o"s Other "i &osses are near&$ as de"i&itatin= Its eas$ to et into ha"its that are hard on $our hea&th! such as eatin poor&$! oin to "ed &ate! e3en ne&ectin persona& h$iene &i.e "rushin $our teeth= Do $our "est to et rest? ta.e naps= Tr$ to ta.e care o6 $our hea&th 9ettin sic. *i&& on&$ co%pound $our cha&&enes= =. ind 3omeone ;ou @an alk o
Whether $ou re&$ on 6riends *ho are there 6or $ou o3er the &on hau& or @oin a support roup! its 3ita& to %a.e sure that $ou dont tr$ to touh it outG "$ $ourse&6= +ou&& .no* soon enouh *ho% $ou can re&$ on= No %atter *hat! its 3er$ i%portant to "e a"&e to ta&. 6ree&$ *ith others *ho understand the %anitude o6 $our &oss= Lauren *as 6ortunate to ha3e ood 6riends to *ho% she cou&d sa$ a&%ost *hate3er *as on her %ind= She a&so @oined a Christian support *e"site ca&&ed 9rie6 Share ***=rie6share=or ***=rie6share=or! ! *hich sends out dai&$ e%ai&s 6i&&ed *ith he&p6u& encourae%ent encourae%ent and insihts= F. o Gegrets
E3en thouh Lauren and Bo" treasured each other! she *as haunted "$ a "rie6 e>chane that too. p&ace
not &on "e6ore Bo" ot sic.= )e had to&d her that he %issed hearin her p&a$ the piano= Tired 6ro% a &on da$ at *or. and sti&& c&eanin up 6ro% dinner! Lauren retorted! And *hen e>act&$ %iht I ha3e ti%e to do that'G In his usua& racious %anner! Bo" said nothin! and Lauren 6orot a"out her co%%ent unti& a6ter Bo"s death= But once she re%e%"ered it! shed o6ten thin. o6 that cuttin re%ar. and start to cr$= Wh$ had she "een so %ean to the %an *ho &o3ed her unconditiona&&$' Fina&&$! she "ean to rea&iJe that shes @ust hu%an? that she *as tired and i%patient that da$! and she had no idea *hat &a$ ahead so 3er$ soon= Bo" *ou&dnt *ant her to "eat herse&6 up o3er this! and certain&$ not *hi&e she *as in the throes o6 rie6= )e *ou&d *ant her to thin. o6 the &o3e the$ shared and the happ$ %e%ories the$d %ade o3er the $ears= Reret is not a 3er$ use6u& e%otion= +ou cant undo *hats "een done! "ut $ou can hinder $our hea&in and %a.e $ourse&6 sic.= Learn 6ro% $our past %ista.e and reso&3e not to repeat it= Then &et it o= A. Gemind ;ourself hat ;ou -on2t 4lwa"s eel his -a"
There are t*o 3ersions o6 an o&d ta&e a"out an ancient .in *ho ca&&ed a&& his counse&ors and *ise %en toether and a3e the% a cha&&ene= One 3ersion sa$s he as.ed the% to su%%ariJe the *isdo% o6 the *or&d= The other 3ersion sa$s the .in
ordered his *ise %en to co%e up *ith a sentence that *ou&d a&*a$s "e true! no %atter *hat the situation= In "oth 3ersions o6 the stor$! the sentence that %et the .ins reuire%ent *as This too sha&& pass=G Lauren re%inded herse&6 6reuent&$ that thins *ou&d chane= That chane %iht "e s&o*! "ut she *ou&dnt a&*a$s "e in such terri"&e pain= She to&d %e that she is %a.in proress= She doesnt cr$ as %uch as she did! she en@o$s thins no* that had not he&d her interest 6or a &on ti%e! and%ost i%portant she has hope 6or the 6uture= 9. -rite 4bout It
Consider .eepin a @ourna&= Theres so%ethin a"out *ritin that he&ps us *or. throuh di66icu&t issues= -a$"e thats "ecause $our @ourna& is one o6 the 6e* p&aces *here $ou dont ha3e to censor $ourse&6 or *orr$ a"out a reaction to $our *ords= It is a&so a chronic&e o6 $our @ourne$ that *i&& ser3e $ou *e&&= As $ou read throuh it! $ou can et an o"@ecti3e 3ie* o6 the proress $ou3e %ade= Lauren hadnt rea&iJed that she *as %a.in strides unti& she &oo.ed "ac. o3er a 6e* %onths entries and noticed that she no &oner tossed and turned 6or hours "e6ore 6a&&in as&eep= Bein a"&e to see hea&in proress in "&ac. and *hite *i&& he&p $ou rea&iJe that $ou are indeed %o3in ahead=
10. orgive
We&&%eanin peop&e *i&& sa$ thins that *i&& upset or o66end $ou= The da$ a6ter the 6irst anni3ersar$ o6 Bo"s death! one o6 Laurens co*or.ers ca%e up to her and said! We&&! its "een a $ear? $ou o.a$ no*'G No Lauren *anted *anted to sa$= sa$= I% not o.a$ But she .ne* that her co&&eaue *as doin her "est to "e e%pathetic e%pathetic and encourain= So she s%i&ed and said! I% doin "etter! than.s=G Re%e%"er that e3en i6 the$ dont a&*a$s sa$ the riht thin! peop&e are tr$in to "e supporti3e= +ou can "e racious and appreciate their intentions! e3en i6 the$ dont a&*a$s succeed= I6 so%eones un@ust treat%ent o6 $ou caused the &oss $ou ha3e e>perienced! "e sure to 6ori3e the% co%p&ete&$= Fee&in hatred and un6ori3eness is &i.e ta.in poison and hopin it *i&& .i&& $our ene%$= A&& the "itter 6ee&ins *e e>perience *hen *e are treated un@ust&$ hurt on&$ us! and not the person *ho hurt us= 11. Gemember hat here 4re 3till hings to e hankful or
Fina&&$! Lauren to&d %e that one o6 the %ost hea&in thins she did a6ter Bo"s death *as to re%e%"er to "e than.6u& 6or the ood thins she sti&& had= E3er$ %ornin on the *a$ to *or.! shed pra$= In the
"einnin! she si%p&$ to&d 9od ho* she *as 6ee&in= One da$ it occurred to her that a&& she *as doin *as co%p&ainin! and 9od %ust "e ettin "ored and anno$ed= So she than.ed )i% 6or i3in her Bo" 6or ten $ears= That chaned e3er$thin= She thouht o6 %ore thins she *as than.6u& 6or: a&& the *onder6u& %e%ories she had? the 6act that o6 a&& the peop&e in the *or&d! 9od had chosen her to i3e Bo" to= Then she than.ed )i% 6or her ho%e? 6or the "&ue s.$ and crisp "reeJe and pin. 6&o*ers= Be6ore she .ne* it! Lauren *as spendin %ore ti%e in pra$er than.in 9od than co%p&ainin to )i%= And she 6e&t "etter too= 1/. Gel" on od2s @omfort -hen the righteous cr" for help, the !ord hears, and delivers them out of all their distress and troubles. he !ord is close to those who are of a broken heart and saves such as are crushed with sorrow. sorrow. (Psalm )+:1F*1A
Lauren to&d %e that she "e&ie3es 9od %ourns *ith us *hen *e su66er a reat &oss= I thin. shes riht= A6ter a&&! *hen ;esus tauht us to pra$! )e to&d us to ca&& 9od A""a!G *hich is "est trans&ated as Dadd$=G What dadd$ doesnt ache *hen his &itt&e "o$ co%es ho%e de6eated a6ter stri.in out at his Litt&e Leaue a%e' What %other doesnt 6ee& her o*n heart "rea. as her &itt&e ir& co%es ho%e 6ro% schoo& ha3in "een taunted on the p&a$round' In the
o3era&& sche%e o6 thins! these are tin$ &osses and hurts! and the parent .no*s that= But the pain o6 seein $our chi&d su66erin is piercin nonethe&ess= I%%ediate&$ a6ter teachin the discip&es to pra$ *hat *e .no* as the Lords Pra$er! ;esus as.ed! What %an is there o6 $ou! i6 his son as.s hi% 6or a &oa6 o6 "read! *i&& hand hi% a stone' Or i6 he as.s 6or a 6ish! *i&& hand hi% a serpent'G -att= 4:718= In other *ords! "ecause )e is our Father! 9od su66ers *hen *e su66er= And *hi&e )e cou&d chane our circu%stances circu%stances in an a n instant! %ore o6ten than not! )e doesnt= But *hen )e sees )is chi&d su66er! )e su66ers too= When $ou are 6ee&in &oss and sorro*! as. 9od to ho&d $ou in the ho&&o* o6 )is hand! to *hisper )is co%6ort and to stro.e $our head! &i.e a parent 6ussin o3er )is 6e3ered chi&d= +ou %a$ or %a$ not 6ee& that co%6ort! "ut 9ods Word is true! and so is )e= 6ow to 6elp a riend -ho 6as 3uffered !oss
Be&ie3e it or not! its 3er$ eas$ to he&p a 6riend *ho has su66ered a &oss= We tend to *ant to o66er a so&ution to our 6riends su66erin! "ut *hat the$ rea&&$ need and *ant is understandin= Once *hen I *as oin to a 6unera& I to&d 9od that I si%p&$ did not .no* *hat to sa$ to the person and )e said! The$ @ust need $ou $ou to sit *ith the%= Durin pain6u& pain6u& &oss!
peop&e need so%eone to &isten to the% ta&. a"out the &oss and *hat the$ are 6ee&in! and uite o6ten it is "etter not to tr$ to i3e ad3ice "ecause %ost o6 *hat *e *ou&d sa$ *ou&dnt he&p the% an$*a$ an$*a$= A 6riend o6 %ine e>perienced the death o6 her $ounest son= She as.ed to %eet *ith %e and o6 course I *anted to he&p her! "ut I noticed that %ost o6 *hat I o66ered as ad3ice %ade her anr$ or de6ensi3e= At 6irst I *as hurt! "ut then I rea&iJed that her pain *as too intense to a&&o* her to hear ad3ice? she needed so%eone to &isten and si%p&$ .eep te&&in her that she *ou&d %a.e it throuh the traed$= Be&o* are a 6e* ood thins to sa$and a 6e* thins not to sa$= But the %ost i%portant thin to re%e%"er is this: What $ou sa$ isnt rea&&$ i%portant= What is i%portant is @ust to "e there 6or $our 6riend= When in dou"t! @ust sa$! )o* are $ou doin'G She&& ta.e it 6ro% there= ood hings o 3a"
I cant i%aine ho* $ou 6ee&! "ut I *ant $ou to .no* I% 3er$ sorr$ that $oure oin throuh so %uch=G An$ti%e $ou *ant to ta&.! I *ant to "e there 6or $ou= I %a$ not .no* *hat to sa$! "ut I&& &isten *ith &o3e=G )o* are $ou doin'G
I *ish $ou didnt ha3e to o throuh this=G I *ant $ou to .no* that I% pra$in 6or $ou=G What Not to Sa$ I .no* ho* $ou 6ee&=G Its ti%e to et on *ith $our &i6e=G +oure so stron $ou can hand&e it=G -hat o o 1. 3end 4 @ard
A s$%path$ card is a i6t= Its an e3en "etter i6t i6 $ou add a hand*ritten &ine or t*o= It doesnt ha3e to "e &on= ;ust a heart6e&t sentence sa$in so%ethin &i.e the 6o&&o*in *i&& "e &i.e sa&3e on a *ound: I .no* this is a terri"&$ di66icu&t ti%e 6or $ou! and I *ant $ou to .no* that $oure especia&&$ in %$ thouhts and pra$ers riht no*=G I6 $ou .ne* the person *ho died! a "rie6 re%iniscence is tre%endous&$ co%6ortin= For e>a%p&e: I re%e%"er To%s "eauti6u& s%i&e )e had a *a$ o6 %a.in %e 6ee& so specia& *hene3er *e spo.e=G
I6 $our 6riend has &ost a @o" or her hea&th! a card is a *onder6u& *a$ to sho* her that $ou care= /. Pick up the Phone7
Within a 6e* *ee.s o6 a 6unera&! the initia& *a3e o6 s$%path$ to the "erea3ed passes= Then the da$s "eco%e &on and &one&$= -ost peop&e o "ac. to their &i3es and the rie3in person is &e6t "$ the%se&3es= Sudden&$ the %ai&"o> is 6u&& o6 the usua& "i&&s and cata&os and the te&ephone is si&ent= A "rie6 phone ca&& to @ust sa$! I3e "een thin.in o6 $ou= )o* are $ou'G *i&& "e a i6t to $our 6riend that she&& ne3er 6oret= Do it e3er$ no* and then? an$ ti%e is a ood ti%e= ). ouch ;our riend
When $ou see the person *ho su66ered the &oss! $ou can i3e co%6ort throuh ph$sica& touch= Ta.e her hand and sueeJe it ent&$? i3e her a *ar% hu or a si%p&e pat on the "ac.= Lo3in touch touch is one o6 the *a$s *a$s *e sho* &o3e= Decision and con6ession: With 9ods he&p I *i&& reco3er 6ro% %$ &oss and "e than.6u& 6or *hat I sti&& ha3e=
C)APTER 10 Freedo% Fro% Discourae%ent Discourae%ent And Depression
What is depression' We"sters Dictionar$ sa$s it is the act o6 pressin do*n? a &o* state= A ho&&o* p&ace! a sin.in o6 the spirits? de@ection? a state o6 sadness? &ac. o6 courae or strenth=G Peop&e *ho are depressed &ose interest in thins the$ pre3ious&$ en@o$ed! and the$ o6ten e>perience chanes in s&eep or eatin ha"its= The$ %a$ 6ee& *orth&ess or "e una"&e to concentrate= The$ %a$ 6ee& &one&$ and hope&ess= I thin. the 6ee&in o6 depression is one o6 the *orst 6ee&ins there is= I can honest&$ sa$ that i6 I had a choice "et*een the e%otiona& pain o6 depression or so%e t$pe o6 ph$sica& pain! I *ou&d pre6er ph$sica& pain= The Bi"&e does not use the ter% depression!G "ut instead re6ers to the 6ee&in as "ein do*ncast=G Depression is a 6ee&in! and this "oo. is eared to*ard teachin ho* to contro& our 6ee&ins rather than a&&o*in the% to contro& us= Can *e contro& depression' I "e&ie3e the ans*er is $es= I dont thin. an$one has to per%anent&$ &i3e *ith depression= A&& o6 us e>perience a &o*%ood da$ no* and then= So%eti%es it is "ecause o6 a disappoint%ent disappoint%ent or a
&oss! "ut at other ti%es *e rea&&$ dont .no* *h$ *e 6ee& the *a$ *e do= I6 its @ust a da$ here and there! I dont thin. there is %uch to "e concerned a"out= We are co%p&e> "eins *ith %an$ intricate parts that a&& ha3e to *or. *e&& toether 6or opti%u% hea&th= So%e da$s *e @ust dont 6ee& *e&& ph$sica&&$ or e%otiona&&$! and it is usua&&$ "est to not *orr$ a"out it! et so%e rest! and *e *i&& pro"a"&$ 6ee& "etter the ne>t da$= In this chapter I *ou&d &i.e to &oo. at t*o .inds o6 depression= The 6irst t$pe! %edica& depression!G depression!G is caused "$ so%ethin ph$sica& that *e cannot contro&= The second t$pe is situationa& depression=G That is depression caused "$ our response to circu%stances in &i6e= There is he&p a3ai&a"&e 6or "oth! "ut the treat%ent is di66erent 6or each t$pe= 5edical epression
I a% not a doctor! "ut I do .no* its co%%on .no*&ede .no*&ede that hor%one i%"a&ances! neurotrans%itter i%"a&ances! and th$roid disorders are at the top o6 the &ist o6 root causes o6 depression that has a %edica& source= arious "rain disorders or cardiac conditions can a&so cause depression= At one point I "ean to notice that I *as 6ee&in sad and do*n each %ornin 6or a"out t*o hours! and then I see%ed to et o3er it 6or the re%ainder o6 the da$= I thouht I *as @ust tired or thin.in neati3e&$ and needed to cheer up!G "ut *hen I *ent to the doctor 6or %$ reu&ar chec.up! he noticed that %$ th$roid
*as "order&ine &o*= )e said that "ecause the &e3e&s *ere in the accepta"&e rane! it *ou&d nor%a&&$ not "e treated! "ut "ecause I had to&d hi% I *as e>periencin &o* %oods! he put %e on a 3er$ &o* dose o6 natura& th$roid= I can honest&$ sa$ that *hen I too. the 6irst pi&&! the %i&d 6ee&in o6 depression I had e>perienced disappeared and has not returned= Because o6 the stress that %ost peop&e &i3e under toda$! %an$ ha3e neurotrans%itter i%"a&ances that %a$ cause &o* serotonin &e3e&s in the "&ood= Serotonin is re6erred to as the happ$ hor%one! and i6 *e dont ha3e enouh o6 it! *e are &i.e&$ to si%p&$ not 6ee& happ$= Serotonin &e3e&s can "e a&tered throuh %edicine! "ut it is *ise to tr$ to correct the% natura&&$ i6 *e can= E&i%inatin e>cessi3e stress! as *e&& as eatin a proper diet and e>ercisin! can he&p i%%ense&$ to "a&ance the "rain che%ica&s= -an$ *o%en e>perience depression a6ter i3in "irth or durin their %onth&$ c$c&e si%p&$ "ecause o6 hor%ona& chanes in their "odies= These chanes %a$ "e te%porar$ or the$ %iht reuire so%e %edica& attention= The point I *ant to %a.e is that not a&& depression can "e cured *ithout %edica& attention! and I dont *ant an$one to 6ee& conde%ned i6 the$ ha3e to ta.e %edicine 6or depression= On the other hand! I "e&ie3e that so%e doctors! inc&udin ps$chiatrists! o6ten hand out pi&&s too uic.&$ *ithout e3en searchin 6or other %edica& conditions that %a$ "e causin the depression= I a&so *ant to encourae peop&e *ho do ha3e to ta.e %edicine to rea&iJe the$
%a$ not a&*a a& *a$s $s ha3e to ta.e it= I .no* a *o%an *ho *as oin throuh a 3er$ stress6u& ti%e in her &i6e and "ean to ha3e panic attac.s= She *ent to her doctor! *ho encouraed her to ta.e a %edicine 6or an>iet$! and it did he&p her a&%ost i%%ediate&$= She not on&$ too. %edicine "ut she %ade so%e &i6est$&e chanes to he&p reduce stress and %ade a decision not to *orr$ a"out thins she had no contro& o3er= A6ter a"out si> %onths the *o%an *anted to see i6 she cou&d et o66 the %edicine= She s&o*&$ cut it do*n unti& she *as a"&e to et o66 it co%p&ete&$ and has "een 6ine e3er since= E3en i6 depression is caused "$ %edica& reasons! the thins I a% oin to share a"out situationa& depression *i&& he&p peop&e con6ront the 6ee&ins o6 a &o* %ood 6or an$ reason= Reco3erin 6ro% depression usua&&$ reuires a *e&&rounded treat%ent prora% that inc&udes thins &i.e &earnin to thin. di66erent&$! &auhin %ore! and *orr$in &ess= As I said! I a% not a doctor! "ut I ha3e "een teachin the Bi"&e 6or %ore than thirt$ $ears! and I a% certain that *e do not ha3e to &et our situations and circu%stances in &i6e depress us= 3ituational epression
-ost peop&e *ho e>perience trou"&e! disappoint%ent! or traed$ are te%pted to sin. into depression= Because our %oods are direct&$ &in.ed to
our thouhts and *ords! *hen our thouhts descend into neati3e territor$! our %oods %o ods tend to 6o&&o*= We We can easi&$ depress ourse&3es %ere&$ "$ thin.in and ta&.in a"out e3er$thin that is *ron in our &i3es and the *or&d in enera&= When 9od a3e us the a"i&it$ to contro& our thouhts! )e a3e us a *onder6u& a"i&it$= We ha3e the a"i&it$ to cheer ourse&3es up no %atter *hat our circu%stances are= Sad&$! a &ot o6 peop&e dont .no* this *onder6u& truth= It is eas$ to o throuh &i6e *ith a 3icti% %enta&it$! si%p&$ "e&ie3in that $ou can do nothin a"out the *a$ $ou 6ee&! especia&&$ i6 $ou ha3e encountered a %a@or disappoint%ent in &i6e= )ere is one si%p&e so&ution the Bi"&e i3es 6or depression: Put on the ar%ent o6 praise 6or the spirit o6 hea3iness see Isa= 21:(= What 9od o66ers us is reater than an$thin the ene%$ o66ers= Praise *i&& neutra&iJe sadness! "ut *e %ust re%e%"er that *e are instructed to put onG praise= We cannot "e passi3e and %ere&$ hope the sad 6ee&in oes a*a$= I ha3e "een readin a Christian c&assic "$ )annah Whiteha&& S%ith tit&ed The Christians Christians Secret to a )app$ Li6e= I *as a%aJed and encouraed *hen I read that! despite the di66icu&ties she encountered in her &i6e! she %ade a decision that she *ou&d a&*a$s "e&ie3e 9od*ith or *ithout 6ee&ins! in ood ti%es and in "ad= )annah %arried Ro"ert S%ith *hen she *as nineteen $ears o&d= )e see%ed to "e a 3er$ de3out
and ro%antic $oun %an *ho %anaed a 6a%i&$ o*ned "usiness= )o*e3er! it soon "eca%e c&ear that he *as i%pu&si3e and e%otiona&= )e *as a&so inc&ined to %a.e rash and un*ise decisions! in "oth his "usiness and his persona& &i6e= Ro"ert "an.rupted the "usiness= A6ter ha3in had a stron encounter *ith 9od! Ro"ert "ean to preach the 9ospe&= )is preachin %inistr$ *as a"rupt&$ ended "$ accusations accusations o6 se>ua& %isconduct= )is hea&th deteriorated and he e3entua&&$ had a ner3ous "rea.do*n= "rea.do*n= Throuh a&& these di66icu&ties! )annah continued to trust 9od and 6reuent&$ said! as did ;o"! ;o"! E3en thouh thouh )e s&a$ s&a$ %e! $et *i&& *i&& I trust )i%=G )i%=G )annah and Ro"ert had se3en chi&dren! "ut 6our o6 the% died= One dauhter *as sti&&"orn= )er o&dest son! Fran.! died at the ae o6 eihteen 6ro% t$phoid 6e3er= )er dauhter Ne&&ie died at the ae o6 6i3e 6ro% "ronchitis= On )annahs "irthda$! Fe"ruar$ 4! her e&e3en$earo&d Rache& died o6 scar&et 6e3er= But )annah c&un to her 6aith tenacious&$ throuh a&& these di66icu&ties= She "eca%e a trusted and souhta6ter Bi"&e teacher and preacher= She e>perienced a rea& crisis in her 6aith *hen she di&ient&$ souht e3idence o6 the Baptis% o6 the )o&$ Spirit or! as it *as o6ten ca&&ed in those da$s! the second "&essin= -an$ peop&e she .ne*! inc&udin Ro"ert! had &orious e>periences! "ut she ne3er did= Fi&&ed *ith se&6dou"t a"out her 6aith unti& it a&%ost dro3e her to despair! she %ade the decision to recei3e the 6u&&ness o6 the )o&$ Spirit
"$ 6aith a&one and to ne3er dou"t 9od aain= )annah &earned in her &i6e that her o*n e66ort to achie3e ho&iness *as use&ess and that she %ust depend *ho&&$ on 9od to do the *or. in her= This co%p&ete dependence "eca%e the "edroc. o6 her 6aith= Ro"ert died in un"e&ie6 and her adu&t chi&dren &ost their 6aith= In 1711 she died peace6u&&$ at the ae o6 se3ent$nine= Throuhout her &i6e she ne3er &ost her 6aith or dishonored 9od= )annah *as a"&e to sa$! I ha3e i3en %$ "est and cou&d do no %ore=G A&thouh *ritin *as a &a"or o6 &o3e 6or her and not so%ethin she rea&&$ en@o$ed! The Christians Secret o6 a )app$ Li6e has "een in print 6or 1#0 $ears and has so&d %i&&ions o6 copies= I hesitated to te&& )annahs stor$ "ecause I dont *ant to &ea3e the i%pression that the Christian &i6e is one that is 6i&&ed *ith on&$ traed$ and sorro* "ecause it isnt that *a$ at a&&= But I do *ant to stron&$ %a.e the point that e3en thouh her circu%stances *ere traic! 9od &ed her throuh it a&&! used her %ihti&$! and she apparent&$ *as uite happ$ durin %ost o6 her &i6ehapp$ enouh to *rite a "oo. on happiness )annahs @o$ *as in ;esus! not her circu%stances= -ost o6 us *ont e>perience the deree o6 di66icu&ties that )annah did! a&thouh so%e %a$! and the reasons *h$ %ust "e &e6t in the hands o6 9od=
6ave 4 @hat -ith ;ourself
When I rea&iJe I a% in a "ad %ood! I o6ten ha3e a chat *ith %$se&6= I sa$! ;o$ce! *hats $our pro"&e%' Loo. at ho* "&essed $ou are! ;o$ce! and stop 6ee&in sorr$ 6or $ourse&6= 9et $our %ind on so%ethin that *i&& cheer $ou up and tr$ doin so%ethin nice 6or so%eone e&se=G It is a%aJin *hat ood resu&ts I et @ust 6ro% reasonin reasonin *ith *ith %$se&6? %$se&6? $ou shou&d tr$ tr$ it The psa&%ist Da3id as.ed hi%se&6 a uestion *hen he *as 6ee&in do*ncast= )e said! Wh$ are $ou cast do*n! O %$ inner se&6' And *h$ shou&d $ou %oan o3er %e and "e disuieted *ithin %e' )ope in 9od and *ait e>pectant&$ 6or )i%! 6or I sha&& $et praise )i%! %$ )e&p and %$ 9odG Psa&% ,#:0? a&so see ,#:11? ,(:0= Da3ids so&ution 6or depression *as to hope in 9od and e>pect so%ethin ood to happen= )e to&d hi%se&6 to put on praise *hi&e he *as *aitin 6or a chane in his circu%stances= This is certain&$ a reat e>a%p&e o6 so%eone not &ettin his 6ee&ins %anae hi%= Da3id %ade a decision that had nothin to do *ith ho* he 6e&t= There are other p&aces in Scripture *here Da3id descri"es 6ee&in 3er$ &o* and discouraed! and *ith ood reason= )e had %an$ ene%ies! and 9od did not a&*a$s a&*a$s de&i3er hi% 6ro% the% uic.&$= uic.&$= Da3id *as anointed to "e .in o6 Israe& t*ent$ $ears "e6ore he actua&&$ *ore the cro*n= Because o6 his @ea&ous$ and 6ear! the .in in po*er at the ti%e! Sau&! tried
%u&tip&e ti%es to .i&& hi%= Da3id &itera&&$ hid in ca3es 6or %an$ $ears! *aitin 6or 9od to do so%ethin= No *onder he had to chat *ith hi%se&6 o6ten and %a.e a decision not to &et his e%otions contro& hi%= )e &oo.ed "e$ond ho* he 6e&t to the 9od he .ne* to "e 6aith6u&= +ou +ou can 6iht the the 6ee&ins o6 depression depression "$ re%indin re%indin $ourse&6 o6 "&essins in $our &i6e= +ou can &isten to %usic or sin= E3en ettin $our %ind o66 $ourse&6 "$ doin so%ethin .ind 6or so%eone e&se *i&& he&p i%%ense&$= Dont 6oret that our %oods are connected to our thouhts? there6ore! I ure $ou to ta.e notice o6 *hat $oure thin.in a"out *hen $ou 6ee& depressed= +ou %a$ 6ind the source o6 $our pro"&e%= Ta&.in a"out past 3ictories in $our &i6e can a&so "e a *a$ to cheer $ourse&6 up= Fiht the ood 6iht o6 6aith and do e3er$thin $ou can to he&p $ourse&6= Co%pared to eternit$! our da$s on earth are short! and *e *ant to en@o$ each one o6 the%= Depression and @o$ si%p&$ cant d*e&& in the sa%e heart! so I ure $ou to 6ind so %an$ thins to "e happ$ a"out that there is no roo% &e6t 6or depression= he Goot Bf epression
Situationa& depression a&*a$s has a root source= Kuite o6ten it is disappoint%ent= When e>pectations are de6eated or desire is 6rustrated! *e usua&&$ 6ee& disappointed! and it is understanda"&e to 6ee& that
*a$= I6 I put a &ot o6 e66ort into a thin and it "ears no 6ruit! then I 6ee& that I *asted %$ ti%e and start to 6ee& discouraed= I a% sure a 6ar%er *ou&d 6ee& that *a$ i6 he did a&& he cou&d to ensure a ood crop and riht "e6ore har3est ti%e a stor% ca%e and destro$ed it= Dashed e>pectations &ead to disappoint%ent= We e>pect certain thins and "eha3iors 6ro% peop&e and $et *e dont a&*a$s et *hat *e e>pect= So%eti%es the *a$ peop&e "eha3e shoc.s us and &ea3es us disappointed= We a&so e>pect certain thins 6ro% ourse&3es and then &et ourse&3es do*n= We e>pect thins 6ro% 9od! and 6or reasons .no*n on&$ to )i%! )e doesnt do *hat *e e>pect= The "est thin to do *hen *e 6ee& disappointed is to et reappointed= Sha.e o66 the disappoint%ent and et a ne* drea%! 3ision! oa&! or p&an= O6ten! the "est %edicine 6or a *o%an *ho has had a %iscarriae is to et prenant aain as soon as it is sa6e 6or her hea&th= The sa%e princip&e *i&& *or. 6or $ou an$ti%e $ou et disappointed= In 9od! there is a&*a$s a p&ace o6 ne* "einnins= It is ne3er too &ate to "ein aain Each %ornin *hen the sun rises it dec&ares! It is a ne* da$? &ets start o3er=G Discourae%ent is another root o6 depression= The discouraed person is disheartened? she 6ee&s &i.e uittin or i3in up? she has &ost hope and 6ee&s no courae to .eep oin= When *e are deep&$ discouraed! e3er$thin a"out us 6ee&s do*n= Discourae%ent can co%e 6ro% "ein disappointed!
or $ou %iht 6ee& that $oure in a season *hen &i6e see%s hard to dea& *ith! or there see%s to "e trou"&e e3er$*here $ou turn= I %entioned ear&ier that I a% ha3in so%e "ac. pro"&e%s riht no*! and one o6 the thins that irritates the pain is e>cessi3e sittin= I cant *rite standin up! so I cou&d et discouraed= I need to %eet a dead&ine! so I need to do the *ritin no*= Instead o6 ettin into a spirit o6 discourae%ent! I a% adaptin and ettin up 6reuent&$ to stretch! usin ice to co%"at the in6&a%%ation and ta.in p&ent$ o6 aceta%inophen= Natura&&$ I3e thouht! Wh$ does this ha3e to happen no*! o6 a&& ti%es' I didnt et an ans*er! *hich is nor%a&&$ the case *hen *e as.! Wh$! 9od! *h$'G Se3era& peop&e ha3e re%ar.ed that I ha3e a ood attitude a"out this situation= situation= It *ou&d not "e coo& i6 I *ere *ritin a "oo. a"out not &ettin our e%otions contro& us at the sa%e ti%e I *as &ettin %ine contro& %e I thin. it is i%portant 6or $ou to rea&iJe that e3er$one has cha&&enes! inc&udin %e! and the$ are ne3er con3enient= iscouragement
So%eti%es *e see the prosperit$ o6 the *ic.ed and that discouraes us= As chi&dren o6 9od! *e e>pect to "e "&essed %ore than those *ho are not ser3in 9od= We %iht paraphrase a portion o6 Psa&% 4( this *a$:
It &oo.ed to %e as i6 the *ic.ed *ere "etter o66 than the rihteous! unti& I rea&iJed 9ods patience does run out and )e *i&& dea& *ith the%=G It is a serious %ista.e to &oo. at *hat other peop&e ha3e and co%pare it to *hat $ou ha3e= 9od has an indi3idua& and uniue p&an 6or each o6 us! and co%parison on&$ tends to "e a source o6 discourae%ent or pride= I6 *e 6ee& *e are "etter o66 than others! *e %a$ "eco%e pride6u& thin.in %ore hih&$ o6 ourse&3es than *e shou&d? i6 *e 6ee& the$ are "etter o66 than us! *e %a$ "eco%e discouraed and e3en depressed= The Bi"&e e%phatica&&$ states that the *ic.ed in the end *i&& "e cut o66! "ut the rihteous sha&& inherit the &and= I dont thin. the endG necessari&$ %eans the end o6 the *or&d or the end o6 our &i3es= I thin. it %eans *hen a&& is said and done! in due ti%e 9ods ti%e! the "&essins o6 the chi&d o6 9od *i&& surpass those o6 the *ic.ed= The Word o6 9od sa$s in 9a&atians 2:7 that i6 *e re6use to "eco%e *ear$ in *e&& doin! in due ti%e *e sha&& reap i6 *e dont 6aint= Another root source o6 depression and discourae%ent is 6ee&in "ad a"out $ourse&6= Fee&in asha%ed o6 *ho $ou are or su66erin 6ro% a"nor%a& ui&t can easi&$ %a.e $ou depressed= I6 $ou dont &i.e $ourse&6! the "ad 6ee&ins $ou ha3e inside *i&& "e a continua& source o6 inner pain= It is 3ita& that $ou &earn to accept and respect the person 9od %ade $ou
to "e= A&& o6 our "eha3ior %a$ "e 6ar 6ro% *hat it needs to "e! "ut i6 *e are *i&&in to chane! 9od *i&& .eep *or.in *ith us! and e3er$ da$ *e *i&& et "etter and "etter in e3er$ *a$= Dont despise $ourse&6 "ecause o6 $our i%per6ections? instead! &earn to ce&e"rate $our successes! e3en s%a&& ones= I6 $ou are depressed! tr$ to deter%ine *hat the root source is= Is it i t %edica&' )a3e $ou "een deep&$ disappointed' Are $ou discouraed' )a3e $ou e>perienced a &oss in $our &i6e' Do $ou co%pare $ourse&6 *ith others' Do $ou 6ee& a &ot o6 sha%e or ui&t "ecause o6 past %ista.es or "ein hurt "$ other peop&e' Do $ou et enouh rest' Do $ou %aintain "a&ance in $our &i6e' What are $our eatin ha"its' Are $ou deep in de"t' Do $ou ha3e ood 6riends *ho% $ou en@o$' /nderstandin the source o6 depression %a$ he&p $ou o3erco%e it= espair
)a3e $ou e3er 6e&t true despair' It is a p&ace o6 tota& hope&essness= hope&essness= The person in despair 6ee&s that there is no *a$ out o6 his or her situation= The psa&%ist Da3id said that he *ou&d ha3e despaired had he not "e&ie3ed that he *ou&d see the oodness o6 9od in the &and o6 the &i3in= )e .ne* that i6 he a&&o*ed hi%se&6 to "eco%e tota&&$ hope&ess! despair *ou&d ensue= )e a3oided ettin to that p&ace "$ continuin to "e&ie3e that so%ethin ood *as oin to happen see Psa&% #4:1(= In his c&assic -$ /t%ost 6or )is )ihest!
Os*a&d Cha%"ers pointed out that *hen ;esus said! Let not $our heart "e trou"&ed!G )e *as a66ir%in that *e do ha3e contro& o3er ho* *e *i&& react to our circu%stances= circu%stances= 9od *i&& not .eep $our heart 6ro% "ein trou"&ed!G Cha%"ers said= It is a co%%and Let not )au& )au& $ourse&6 $ourse&6 up a hundred and one ti%es a da$ in order to do it! unti& $ou et into the ha"it o6 puttin 9od 6irst and ca&cu&atin *ith )i% in 3ie*=G E3en i6 $ou ha3e a di66icu&t ti%e sa$in that $ou tru&$ "e&ie3e so%ethin ood *i&& happen! start "$ sa$in it out &oud aain and a nd aain! and soon $ou *i&& start "e&ie3in it= Suicides are increasin rapid&$= One nationa& hot&ine that ta.es ca&&s #,4 reported that in Apri& #884! (5!11, peop&e ca&&ed the hot&ine= In Apri& #887 the sa%e hot&ine recei3ed 01!,20 ca&&s= That is an a&ar%in increase that I "e&ie3e has a &ot to do *ith *or&d conditions and neati3e %edia= Four out o6 e3er$ 18 ca&&ers reported 6inancia& stress as one o6 their pro"&e%s= A do*nturn in the econo%$ can a66ect our attitudes and create 6ear and depression i6 *e do not .eep our hope in 9od rather than in the *or&d s$ste%= A Char&otte O"ser3er stor$ pro3ides so%e start&in statistics a"out suicide atte%pts in North Caro&ina= Char&otte po&ice reported a 00 percent increase in suicide atte%pts o3er the pre3ious $ear= A count$
suicide hot&ine 6ie&ded three thousand %ore ca&&s in -arch #887 than in -arch #885! and a &oca& hospita& sa* a 7 percent increase in patients *hod atte%pted or considered suicide= Dr= Pau&a C&a$ton! %edica& director 6or the A%erican Foundation 6or Suicide Pre3ention! stated that 6or e3er$ suicide! there are pro"a"&$ one hundred atte%pts= -ost o6 us ha3e at so%e ti%e or another in &i6e 6e&t that *e @ust cou&d not o on and %o%entari&$ *ished *e *ere dead or thouht o6 puttin an end to it a&&= E3en the reat prophet E&i@ah to&d 9od that i6 he *as oin to constant&$ ha3e ene%ies a6ter hi%! he *ou&d rather "e dead= It is one thin to ha3e a %o%entar$! 6&eetin thouht o6 suicide? it is uite another to either atte%pt or "e success6u& at co%%ittin it= )o* traic *hen so%eone is in such despair that the$ *ou&d rather "e dead than o on &i3in= ;esus died so *e cou&d ha3e and en@o$ a *onder6u&! po*er6u&! prosperous &i6e! "ut *e %ust resist e3er$ atte%pt the de3i& %a.es to stea& it 6ro% us= 6abits 4nd ecisions
Depression and discourae%ent can "eco%e responsi3e ha"its 6or so%e peop&e= It is the *a$ the$ respond to disappoint%ent or tria&s o6 an$ .ind= I had a ha"it o6 6ee&in sorr$ 6or %$se&6 *hen I didnt et %$ *a$! "ut I "ro.e that ha"it *ith 9ods he&p and ha3e 6or%ed the "etter ha"it o6 choosin to "e happ$ *hether I et %$ *a$ or not= I tr$ to trust 9od
to he&p %e acuire *hat )e *ants %e to ha3e! not %ere&$ *hat I *ant to ha3e= It %a$ sound o3er&$ si%p&i6ied 6or %e to sa$! Brea. the ha"it o6 depression=G depression=G But 6or so%e peop&e! it cou&d "e @ust that si%p&e= +ou %a$ ha3e had a parent pare nt *ho *as depressed and $ou re* up thin.in it *as @ust the *a$ to "e! so $our ha"it "eca%e the sa%e as theirs= -$ 6ather *as 3er$ neati3e and I "eca%e @ust &i.e hi%! unti& I &earned that I cou&d choose to "e positi3e= I stron&$ encourae $ou to "ein %anain depression or an$ other re&ated %oods= Li6e is too precious a i6t to *aste an$ o6 it &i3in in the "&ac.! e%pt$ ho&e o6 depression= Decision and con6ession: Depression and discourae%ent *i&& not contro& %e= I *i&& "e happ$ and en@o$ %$ &i6e=
C)APTER 12 Wh$ Is It It So )ard )ard to Fori3e' Fori3e' Fro% 9enesis to Re3e&ation! *e read o6 9ods 6ori3eness to*ard us and o6 our need to 6ori3e others= It is one o6 the %ain the%es o6 the Bi"&e= Were 3er$ eaer to recei3e 6ori3eness! "ut *e o6ten 6ind it e>tre%e&$ di66icu&t to o66er others the 6ori3eness that *e ha3e 6ree&$ recei3ed 6ro% 9od= We %a$ *ant to 6ori3e! tr$ to 6ori3e! and pra$ to "e a"&e to 6ori3e! and $et *e re%ain "itter! resent6u&! and 6i&&ed *ith anr$ and un6ori3in thouhts= Wh$' I6 *e *ant to 6ori3e! *h$ is it so di66icu&t to do so' The cu&prit is e%otions= Fortunate&$! $ou can &earn ho* to %anae $our e%otions rather than a&&o*in the% to %anae $ou= Fori3in those *ho ha3e hurt us is one o6 the %ain areas *here *e need to app&$ *hat *e are &earnin= What can $ou e>pect 6ro% $our e%otions once $ou "ein to operate in 6ori3eness to*ard $ourse&6 or others' 9od is read$ and *i&&in to 6ori3e $ou! "ut are $ou eua&&$ read$ and *i&&in to recei3e )is 6ori3eness' +our +our e%otions e%otions can et in the *a$ *a$= +ou +ou %a$ not 6ee&G *orth$ o6 recei3in such a *onder6u& and undeser3ed i6t 6ro% 9od= +ou %a$ 6ee&G that so%eho* $ou need to pa$ 6or *hat $ou ha3e done
*ron= +ou 6ee&G that $ou %ust sacri6ice in so%e *a$ in order to pa$ 6or $our sins= I6 $ou do 6ee& that *a$! I tota&&$ understand and can e3en sa$ it is uite nor%a&! "ut I a&so %ust sa$ sa$ it is not 9ods *i&& 6or $ou= I persecuted %$se&6 6or %an$ $ears tr$in to pa$ a de"t that ;esus had a&read$ paid= I sacri6iced %$ @o$ "$ re6usin to &et %$se&6 en@o$ an$thin "ecause o6 %$ 6ee&ins o6 ui&t= Than.6u&&$! I ha3e 6ina&&$ rea&iJed throuh 9ods Word that I cannot pa$ a de"t that has a&read$ "een paid! and the on&$ thin I can do *ith a 6ree i6t is recei3e it or re@ect it= 9ods i6t o6 6ori3eness is 6ree! and *e shou&d recei3e it as an act o6 6aith= We are to 6ree&$ 6ori3e others @ust as *e ha3e "een 6ree&$ 6ori3en= Fori3eness is a i6t and cannot tru&$ "e deser3ed= )o* can an$one undo *hat has hurt or *ounded $ou' -$ 6ather sto&e %$ innocence throuh se>ua& a"use= )o* cou&d he e3er pa$ %e "ac. or undo *hat he did' The on&$ *a$ 6or %e to "e 6ree *as to 6ori3e hi% and trust 9od 6or restoration= A&thouh it *as one o6 the %ost di66icu&t thins in %$ &i6e to do! it *as he&p6u& 6or %e to re%e%"er that 9od continua&&$ 6ori3es %e and ne3er ho&ds an$ o6 %$ sins aainst %e= e gentle and forbearing with one another and, if one has a difference (a grievance or complaint against another, readil" pardoning each other' even as the !ord has #freel"$ forgiven forgiven "ou, so must "ou also #forgive$. #forgive$. (@olossians ):1)
Whats the hardest thin $ou3e e3er "een cha&&ened to 6ori3e' )as a 6riend "etra$ed $ou' )a3e $ou "een so hurt "$ $our spouse that $our %arriae cou&dnt sur3i3e and ended in a di3orce' )as $our chi&d "een unrate6u& and un&o3in' I *ant to te&& $ou a"out a *o%an *hose hurt can hard&$ "e %easured= In ;anuar$ 1778! Sue Norton recei3ed the terri"&e ne*s that her %other and 6ather had "een 6ound %urdered in their O.&aho%a ho%e= The .i&&er *a&.ed a*a$ *ith an o&d truc. and 14!888 in cash= Whi&e she sat throuh the %urder tria& o6 Ro"ert B= M= Mnihton! she cou&d 6ee& the hatred in the air as her parents 6a%i&$ and 6riends cro*ded the courtroo%= B$ the &ast da$ o6 the tria&! Norton .ne* that hatred *asnt oin to hea& her o6 the terri"&e &oss she had sustained= That e3enin she cou&dnt s&eep! and she spent the niht pra$in 6or 9od to he&p her= The ne>t %ornin! she had this thouht: Sue! $ou dont ha3e to hate B=M= +ou cou&d 6ori3e hi%= Fori3e hi%' That %ornin! as the @ur$ de&i"erated! Sue ot per%ission to to 3isit B=M= in the ho&din ce&&= She reca&&s that *hen she sa* hi%! she didnt thin. o6 hi% as a .i&&er= .i&&er= She thouht o6 hi% as a hu%an "ein= She said to the "i %an *ith stee&$ e$es! I dont .no* *hat to sa$ to $ou! "ut I *ant $ou to .no* that
I dont hate $ou= -$ rand%other tauht %e that *e are here to &o3e one another= I6 $ou are ui&t$! I 6ori3e $ou=G At 6irst! the %an thouht she *as p&a$in so%e sort o6 %ind a%e *ith hi%= )e cou&dnt 6atho% that so%eone cou&d 6ori3e hi% 6or such a heinous cri%e= Toda$ Ro"ert Mnihton resides on death ro* in O.&aho%a= Sue *rites hi% 6reuent&$! and she occasiona&&$ 3isits hi%= Because o6 her &o3e and 6riendship! he has "eco%e a de3out Christian= Friends thin. she has &ost her %ind= But Sue sa$s! There is no *a$ to hea& and et o3er the trau%a *ithout 6ori3eness= +ou %ust 6ori3e and et on *ith $our &i6e= That is *hat ;esus *ou&d do=G Scripture %a.es it 3er$ c&ear that 9od e>pects us to 6ori3e readi&$ and 6ree&$= But our e%otions 6&are up and aressi3e&$ resist our %a.in this decision= Is there an$thin that can he&p us et past the e%otions and o"e$ 9od in this area' hree hings hat 6elp 5e orgive
The 6irst thin that rea&&$ he&ps %e 6ori3e is to re%e%"er that 9od 6ori3es %e 6or %uch %ore than I *i&& e3er ha3e to 6ori3e others 6or= We We %a$ not do *hat others ha3e done to us! "ut then aain *e %a$ do thins that are *orse= In 9ods .indo% sin does not co%e in siJes &i.e s%a&&! %ediu%! and &are? sin is
@ust sin So%e So%e sins &ea3e &ea3e %ore de3astation de3astation than than others! "ut 9od 6ori3es the% a&&= So%e thins that peop&e do hurt us *orse than other thins! "ut the ans*er is the sa%e 6or dea&in *ith the% a&&= Do $ourse&6 a 6a3or and 6ori3e uic.&$ and 6ree&$= The &oner $ou ho&d a rude! the %ore di66icu&t it is to &et it o= The second thin that he&ps %e 6ori3e is to thin. o6 9ods %erc$= -erc$ is the %ost "eauti6u& i6t *e can i3e or recei3e= It cannot "e earned and is not deser3edother*ise! it *ou&dnt "e %erc$= I &i.e to thin. o6 %erc$ as &oo.in "e$ond *hat *as done *ron and on to *h$ it *as done= -an$ ti%es peop&e do a hurt6u& thin and dont e3en .no* *h$ the$ are doin it! or the$ %a$ not rea&iJe the$ are doin it= So%eti%es the$ are reactin to their o*n pain *ithout rea&iJin the$ are hurtin others= I *as hurt so "ad&$ in %$ chi&dhood that I in turn 6reuent&$ hurt others *ith %$ harsh *ords and attitudes= But I did not e3en rea&iJe I *as "ein harsh? "ecause &i6e had "een so hard and pain6u& 6or %e! that harshness had "eco%e part o6 %e= It *as @ust si%p&$ the *a$ I *as= It *as eas$ 6or 9od to sho* %e %erc$ "ecause )e sa* *h$ I *as doin *hat I *as doin= )e sa* the hurt &itt&e ir& *ho had "eco%e hardened as a %ethod o6 protectin herse&6 6ro% %ore pain= It he&ps %e 6ori3e *hen I rea&iJe that hurtin peop&e hurt peop&e=G When I a% tr$in to na3iate throuh %$ pain! I o6ten ha3e to ta&. to %$se&6= I re%ind %$se&6 to "e&ie3e the "est o6 e3er$ person= I
thin.! I dou"t that the person *ho hurt %e did it on purpose= Then I re%ind %$se&6 that there is a reason *h$ the$ did *hat the$ did= Perhaps no one *i&& e3er .no* *hat that reason *as e>cept 9od! "ut there is a&*a$s a reason= So%eti%es the reason is si%p&$ that the person *ho hurt us does not .no* 9od! or does not .no* ho* to ca&& on )is po*er to he&p the% resist te%ptation= Actua&&$ thin.in throuh these 3arious scenarios he&ps %$ e%otions to ca&% do*n and %a.es it easier to 6ori3e= The third thin that he&ps %e 6ori3e others is to re%e%"er that i6 I sta$ anr$! I a% i3in Satan a 6ootho&d in %$ &i6e see Eph= ,:#2#4= When I 6ori3e I a% .eepin Satan 6ro% ainin an ad3antae o3er %e see # Cor= #:1811= Actua&&$! one o6 the %ost 3a&ua"&e thins I ha3e &earned is that I a% doin %$se&6 a 6a3or *hen I 6ori3e= I6 I dont 6ori3e! I a% poisonin %$ o*n sou& *ith "itterness that *i&& sure&$ *or. its *a$ out in so%e .ind o6 "ad "eha3ior or attitude= The root o6 "itterness conta%inates and de6i&es not on&$ the one *ho is "itter! "ut others around hi% as *e&&= <%ercise foresight and be on o n the watch to look #after one another$, to see that no one falls back from and fails to secure od2s grace (6is unmerited favor and spiritual blessing, in order that no root of resentment (rancor, bitterness, or hatred shoots forth and causes trouble and bitter
torment, and the man" become contaminated and defiled b" it. (6ebrews 1/:1E itterness 4nd ondage
When the chi&dren o6 Israe& *ere a"out to "e &ed out ou t o6 E$pt! the$ *ere to&d "$ the Lord on the e3e o6 their departure to prepare a Passo3er %ea& that inc&uded "itter her"s= Wh$' 9od *anted the% to eat those "itter her"s as a re%inder o6 the "itterness the$ had e>perienced in "ondae= Bitterness "e&ons to "ondae I6 *e *ant to a3oid "ondae! *e %ust a3oid "itterness= The *ord "itterness is used to re6er to so%ethin that is punent or sharp to the taste= It is said that the "itter her"s the Israe&ites ate *ere pro"a"&$ a.in to horseradish= I6 $ou ha3e e3er ta.en a "i "ite o6 horseradish! $ou .no* it can cause uite a ph$sica& reaction= Bitterness causes precise&$ the sa%e t$pe o6 reaction in us spiritua&&$= Not on&$ does it cause us disco%6ort! "ut it a&so causes disco%6ort to the )o&$ Spirit! *ho a"ides *ithin us= The Bi"&e teaches us not to rie3e 3e> or sadden the )o&$ Spirit "$ &ettin "itterness! indination! and *rath a"ide in us= We are to "anish it 6ro% ourse&3es See Eph= ,:(8(1= )o* does "itterness et started' Accordin to the Bi"&e! it ro*s 6ro% a root= The Min ;a%es ersion
spea.s o6 a root o6 "itternessG see )e"= 1#:10= Roots a&*a$s produce 6ruit! and in this case the 6ruit is poisonous= What is the seed 6ro% *hich that root sprouts' /n6ori3eness Bitterness resu&ts 6ro% the %an$ %inor o66enses co%%itted aainst us that *e @ust *ont &et o o6! the thins *e rehearse aain and aain inside unti& the$ "eco%e "&o*n out o6 proportion and ro* to a trou"&e%a.in siJe= I reca&& occasions *hen Da3e and I arued in the ear&$ $ears o6 our %arriae! and instead o6 dea&in *ith the issue at hand! I "rouht up %an$ other issues= So%e *ere thins that had happened $ears "e6ore= Da3e as.ed %e *here I .ept a&& that in6or%ation stored )e is such a positi3e and 6ori3in person that he cou&dnt i%aine %$ retainin e3er$ o66ense he had e3er co%%itted aainst %e= /nti& I &earned a "etter and *iser *a$ to &i3e! I &et a&& those &itt&e thins pi&e up inside %e! @ust *aitin 6or the %o%ent *hen I cou&d hau& the% out and use the% as a%%unition= I had "een i3en a *onder6u&! od&$ %an "ut did not .no* ho* to appreciate the i6t 9od had i3en %e "ecause I stored up &itt&e o66enses and re6used to &et the% o= Aside 6ro% a&& the %inor thins *e %iht a&&o* to "e "&o*n out o6 proportion! there are so%eti%es %a@or o66enses co%%itted aainst us= The &oner *e a&&o* our "itterness and resent%ent to ro* and 6ester! the %ore o6 a pro"&e% the$ "eco%e and a nd the harder it is to "e 6ree 6ro% the%= )ope6u&&$! it is o"3ious "$ no* that the "est thin to do reardin an$ o66ense! &are
or s%a&&! is to 6ori3e uic.&$ and co%p&ete&$= To "e *roned is nothin un&ess $ou continue to re%e%"er it= Con6ucius -hat -e on2t eed ecomes -eak 4nd ies
I %entioned ear&ier that the %ore *e 6eed a neati3e e%otion! the stroner it "eco%es? the &ess *e 6eed it! the *ea.er it "eco%es= We can 6eed 6ee&ins o6 un6ori3eness "$ si%p&$ %editatin on and ta&.in a"out *hat the person has done *ho hurt us= I6 $ou *ant to 6ori3e so%eone! $ou %ust %a.e a co%%it%ent to stop 6ocusin on *hat *as done to $ou= One *a$ *e 6eed "itterness is "$ te&&in others so the$ *i&& 6ee& sorr$ 6or us! "ut it is a danerous thin to do! especia&&$ i6 *e .eep doin it aain and aain= At ti%es it is hea&th$ to e>press ho* $ou 6ee& a"out so%ethin that has "een pain6u&= As I said ear&ier in the "oo.! secrets can %a.e us sic.= I a% not suestin that *e need to &i3e &one&$ &i3es! ne3er sharin our pain *ith an$one! "ut harpin on so%ethin continua&&$ is uite di66erent 6ro% sharin in a hea&th$ *a$= I ha3e &earned that once I %a.e a decision to 6ori3e to &et the o66ense o66ense o and 6oret 6oret itI itI %ust a&so a&so stop ta&.in a"out it unnecessari&$= The %ore I pa$ attention to the o66ense! the %ore strenth I i3e it= But i6 I inore it! then it is easier to et o3er it e%otiona&&$=
We a&& *ant @ustice *hen *e ha3e "een hurt! and its o6ten di66icu&t to "e patient *hi&e 9od "rins it= We are 3er$ te%pted to ta.e re3ene instead o6 re%e%"erin that 9od said 3eneance is )is! not ours= -e know 6im -ho said, Dengeance is 5ine 5in e #retribution and the meting out of full &ustice rest with 5e$' I will repa" #I will e%act the compensation$, sa"s sa"s the !ord. 4nd again, he !ord will &udge and determine and solve and settle the cause and the cases of 6is people. (6ebrews 10:)0 he -orst>!aid Plans
There ha3e "een ti%es *hen I3e 6ound %$se&6 p&annin *hat I *i&& do to et "ac. at so%eone *ho has hurt %e= I ha3e ha3e a&so "een ui&t$ o6 thin.in a"out the ood thins I3e done in the past 6or that person that I *ont do an$%ore= I *i&& either hurt the person or *ithho&d "&essins! and neither one o6 these p&ans e>hi"its the character o6 ;esus= One niht I &a$ in "ed a6ter hearin that a certain person *ho *as a "usiness associate *as sa$in un.ind and critica& thins a"out %e! and the %ore I thouht a"out *hat I *ou&d sa$ to the%! the %ore upset I "eca%e= -$ e%otions *ere so stirred up that I cou&dnt s&eep= As I continued %$ un.ind! un&o3in! unod&$ thouhts! I 6e&t a nude 6ro% the )o&$ Spirit= )e &et %e .no*
that )e had a "etter p&an= )e suested that I 6oret the un.ind re%ar.s that had "een %ade a"out %e and instead send the person *ho spo.e the% a i6t and &et the% .no* ho* %uch I appreciat a ppreciated ed the%= The thouht o6 it %ade %e &auh! and riht a*a$ I sa* that 9ods *a$s i3e us @o$! *hi&e our *a$s o6ten %a.e us %isera"&e= As soon as I s*itched %$ thin.in o3er to 9ods p&an! I no &oner 6e&t the rae I had 6e&t pre3ious&$= I *as sti&& hurt and %$ e%otions *ere *ounded! "ut thin.in o6 doin thins 9ods *a$ ena"&ed %e to %a.e a decision "ased on )is Word rather than on %$ 6ee&ins= I &a$ in "ed thin.in o6 *hat i6t I *ou&d i3e the person and *hat I *ou&d sa$ in the acco%pan$in acco%pan$in note= As soon as the o66ice opened the ne>t %ornin! I as.ed %$ assistant to order the i6t= And uess *hat: I 6e&t instant re&ie6 6ro% the aon$ I had e>perienced the pre3ious e3enin When I sa* the person a6ter*ard! I sti&& 6e&t a t*ine o6 pain! "ut it *as %inor co%pared to *hat it cou&d ha3e "een= The person *ho spo.e un.ind&$ a"out %e ne3er .ne* that I *as a*are! "ut 9od .ne*! and )e is the One *ho reco%penses us 6or the in@ustices in our &i3es=
Our responsi"i&it$ is to %a.e riht decisions "ased on 9ods Word! and )is @o" is to hea& our e%otions=
We usua&&$ *ant to 6ee& "etter 6irst! "ut 9od *ants us to do *hat is riht 6irst! no %atter ho* *e 6ee&= When *e do! *e are ro*in spiritua&&$ and *i&& en@o$ %ore e%otiona& sta"i&it$ the ne>t ti%e *e are 6aced *ith a di66icu&t situation= When *e %a.e a decision to 6ori3e! *e pro"a"&$ *ont 6ee& &i.e 6ori3in= A6ter a&&! *e ha3e "een treated un@ust&$! and it hurts= But doin the riht thin *hi&e *e 6ee& *roned is e>tre%e&$ i%portant to our o3era&& spiritua& ro*th= It a&so &ori6ies 9od= For %an$ $ears I tried to 6ori3e peop&e *hen the$ hurt or o66ended %e! "ut since I sti&& had neati3e 6ee&ins to*ard the%! I assu%ed that I *asnt success6u& in the 6ori3eness @ourne$= No* I rea&iJe that no %atter ho* I 6ee&! i6 I .eep pra$in 6or the person *ho in@ured %e and "&ess rather than curse hi% or her! I a% on %$ *a$ to 6reedo% 6ro% destructi3e e%otion= To curse %eans to spea. e3i& o6! and to "&ess %eans to spea. *e&& o6= When so%eone has hurt us! *e can re6use to spea. e3i& o6 the%! e3en i6 *ere te%pted to do so= We can a&so "&ess the% "$ ta&.in a"out their ood ua&ities and ood thins the$ ha3e done= I6 *e on&$ &oo. at the %ista.es peop&e %a.e! *e *ont "e a"&e to &i.e the%= But &oo.in at their *ho&e &i3es i3es us a %ore "a&anced picture o6 the%= Nothin I ha3e said *i&& .eep $ou 6ro% e>periencin e%otiona& pain *hen so%eone hurts $ou! "ut it can he&p $ou in the process o6 6ori3eness= These %ethods ha3e he&ped %e! and I tru&$ "e&ie3e the$
*i&& he&p $ou= +ou +ou cannot *ait *ait unti& $ou $ou 6ee& *ar% *ar% and &o3in &o3in to*ard so%eone *ho hurt $ou to 6ori3e the%= +ou&& pro"a"&$ ha3e to do it *hi&e $ou are sti&& hurtin and 6ori3in is the &ast thin $ou 6ee& &i.e doin! "ut doin it puts $ou in the 9od &eaue=G It puts $ou suare&$ on the road that is narro* contracted "$ pressure!G "ut &eads to the *a$ o6 &i6e -att= 4:1,= It puts $ou on the road &ess tra3e&ed! the one that ;esus )i%se&6 tra3e&ed on= Dont 6oret that one o6 the &ast thins )e did *as 6ori3e so%eone *ho didnt deser3e 6ori3eness! and )e did it *hi&e hanin on a cross "ein cruci6ied= I thin. so%e o6 the &ast thins that ;esus did *ere specia&&$ desined to he&p us re%e%"er ho* i%portant those thins are= I6 so%eone hurts $ou! cr$ a ri3er ri3er!! then "ui&d a "ride and et o3er it= /n.no*n -hat If I ecide It2s 8ust oo oo 6ard
-an$ peop&e decide that 6ori3in those *ho ha3e hurt the% is @ust too hard! and indeed! 6ori3in is hard But in %a.in the decision not to 6ori3e! the$ are %a.in one o6 the %ost serious %ista.es the$ can possi"&$ %a.e= Wh$ is it so serious' Because our inti%ac$ *ith 9od is hindered i6 *e *ont 6ori3e those *ho ha3e sinned aainst us= The Bi"&e c&ear&$ sa$s that i6 *e dont 6ori3e others! 9od *i&& not 6ori3e us our sins and iniuities see -att= 2:1,10=
I6 our sin stands "et*een 9od and us! then *e *i&& 6ind it di66icu&t to hear 6ro% )i% and to 6ee& )is presence= I 6ir%&$ "e&ie3e that har"orin un6ori3eness stea&s our s&eep! our peace! and our @o$= @o$= It a66ects our hea&th and ad3er ad3erse&$ se&$ ro"s us o6 our *e&&"ein in enera&= Sho* %e so%eone *ho doesnt ha3e a 6ori3in spirit! and I&& sho* $ou so%eone *ho% 3er$ 6e* peop&e *ant to "e around= So%eti%es *e ha3e har"ored resent%ent 6or so &on that *e dont e3en rea&iJe *e ha3e it= It has "eco%e part o6 usand that is rea&&$ danerous= I can re%e%"er thin.in at one ti%e that I had no un6ori3eness at a&& in %$ heart! "ut 9od sho*ed %e t*o speci6ic thins that surprised %e: I *as anr$ at one o6 %$ dauhters 6riends "ecause I did not &i.e the *a$ she treated %$ dauhter! and I *as a&so anr$ to*ard %$ son "ecause he @ust *asnt *hat I *anted hi% to "e at the ti%e= )a3e $ou e3er 6e&t anr$ to*ard so%eone $ou &o3ed "ecause the choices the$ %ade in &i6e disappointed $ou or didnt %eet $our e>pectations' I a% sure $ou ha3e! "ecause this is one o6 Satans %ore su"t&e traps= We are not anr$ o3er so%ethin the person did to us "ut so%ethin the$ did not do= We disappro3e o6 their choices! e3en thouh 9od has i3en the% the riht to %a.e the%= We %a$ tr$ to encourae those *e &o3e and care a"out! "ut *e %ust not tr$ to contro& the%= 9od te&&s us to train up our chi&dren in the *a$ the$ shou&d o! not the *a$ *e *ant the% to
o see Pro3= Pro3= ##:2= Bar"ara had 6i3e chi&dren she &o3ed 3er$ %uch= The$ *ere a&& ro*n and a&& "ut one had chi&dren o6 their o*n= A&thouh Bar"ara *as a .no*&edea"&e Christian! Christian! she had di66icu&t$ &ettin her chi&dren %a.e their o*n choices= Kuite 6reuent&$ her "eha3ior spar.ed aru%ents "et*een her and her chi&dren= The$ 6e&t contro&&ed and %anipu&ated! "ut she insisted she *as on&$ tr$in to he&p the%= Their aner *ou&d hurt Bar"aras 6ee&ins! and Bar"aras "eha3ior *ou&d %a.e the% anr$= The resu&t *as a 3icious c$c&e that %ade a&& o6 the% unhapp$= Bar"ara didnt rea&iJe it! "ut actua&&$ she "eha3ed the sa%e *a$ *ith %ost o6 the peop&e she .ne*= As a resu&t! peop&e "ean to a3oid her= Bar"ara attended church and a Bi"&e stud$ roup! "ut sad&$ she ne3er stopped %a.in un&o3in co%%ents a"out other peop&es choices and decisions= She *as a t$pe o6 Christian descri"ed as carna&!G *hich I %entioned ear&ier in the "oo.= She "e&ie3ed in 9od "ut ne3er stopped doin *hat she 6e&t &i.e doin= Sad&$! she ended up *ith 3er$ 6e* 6riends! a hus"and *ho &e6t her 6or another *o%an! and chi&dren *ho a3oided her *hene3er possi"&e= The root o6 her pro"&e% *as pride= She "e&ie3ed that her *a$ *as riht 6or e3er$one and that she *as @ust tr$in to he&p peop&e! e3en thouh the$ tru&$ did not *ant her he&p= I 6e&t anr$ to*ard %$ son "ecause he *asnt as
spiritua& as I *anted hi% to "e! "ut I *as *ron! and throuh 9od I 6ound the strenth to te&& hi% that I *as= The hu%i&it$ 9od ena"&ed %e to sho* in sa$in! I *as *ron!G and the unconditiona& acceptance o6 hi% as he *as! started a hea&in in his &i6e that e3entua&&$ he&ped hi% %a.e riht decisions and et on the riht road= Prior to that ti%e! he had 6e&t %$ disappro3a&! and a&& it did *as dri3e the *ede "et*een us deeper and deeper= I ha3e disco3ered that so%eti%es *hen I% hurt! its not "ecause o6 so%ethin another person did to hurt %e? its "ecause I had an e>pectation that I shou&dnt ha3e had= There are o6 course thins *e ha3e a riht to e>pect in our re&ationships *ith other peop&e! "ut *e %ust %a.e sure that our e>pectations are rea&istic and that the$ sti&& i3e i3e peop&e the 6reedo% to "e the%se&3es= It2s ime o 5ake 4 ecision
Nothin chanes in our &i3es unti& *e %a.e a decision to act on the in6or%ation *e ha3e= )ere are a 6e* decisions $ou can %a.e that *i&& ena"&e $ou to &i3e 6ree o6 the aon$ o6 "itterness! resent%ent! and un6ori3eness: 1= Be&ie Be&ie3e 3e the the "est "est o6 o6 e3er$ e3er$ per person son== 9i3e 9i3e the% the% the "ene6it o6 the dou"t= #= I%itat I%itate e ;es ;esus us in in sho* sho*in in %erc$ %erc$ to to peop& peop&e= e=
(= /nder /nderst stand and that that hur hurtin tin peop& peop&e e hurt hurt peop peop&e! &e! and pra$ 6or those *ho hurt $ou= ,= Dont Dont &et &et $ $our our e%otio e%otions ns %a. %a.e e $our $our decisi decisions ons== 0= Re%e% Re%e%"er "er tha thatt i6 $ou $ou %a. %a.e e riht riht choice choices! s! $our $our e%otions *i&& e3entua&&$ co%e in &ine *ith $our decisions= 2= +ou ha3e ha3e 9od 9odss po*e po*err to ena"&e ena"&e $ou $ou to do di66icu&t thins= 4= Re6us Re6usin in to to 6ori 6ori3e 3e is is &i.e &i.e ta.in ta.in pois poison on and and hopin it *i&& et rid o6 $our ene%$= 5= 9od e>pe e>pects cts us us to i i3e a* a*a$ *hat *hat *e *e ha3e ha3e 6ree&$ recei3ed 6ro% )i%inc&udin 6ori3eness= 7= Fori ori3e 3enes nesss U 6ree 6reedo% do%== Dont Dont "eco%e "eco%e $our $our o*n @ai&er 18= Dont e3er *aste another da$ "ein "itter= Each da$ is a i6t 6ro% 9oduse it *ise&$= I "e&ie3e that Satan uses un6ori3eness to "rin destruction into our &i3es= 9od te&&s us aain and aain in )is Word ho* i%portant it is to 6ori3e= I "e&ie3e it is 6oo&ish to diso"e$ 9od in this area= I p&an to *or. *ith the )o&$ Spirit e3er$ da$ o6 %$ &i6e to
resist &ettin %$ e%otions pre3ent %e 6ro% 6ori3in those *ho hurt or disappoint %e= I *i&& not &et Satan contro& %$ destin$ I pra$ $ou *i&& %a.e the sa%e decision= Decision and con6ession: I *i&& uic.&$ and 6ree&$ 6ori3e those *ho hurt %e= I re6use to ruin %$ &i6e *ith "itterness=
C)APTER 14 )o* E%otions A66ect Our )ea&th -i&&ions o6 peop&e si%p&$ dont ta.e ood care o6 the%se&3es= The$ in3est in e3er$thin i%aina"&e e>cept the%se&3es= I "e&ie3e 9od i3es us an a&&otted a%ount o6 ener$ 6or our &i3es! and i6 *e use it a&& up in the 6irst 6ort$ $ears! *e *i&& pro"a"&$ e>perience &ots o6 hea&th issues &ater in &i6e= In Loo. 9reat! Fee& 9reat! I share %$ o*n @ourne$ o6 doin it a&& *ron in the hope that I can he&p others a3oid the %ista.es I %ade= E>cessi3e stress o3er a &on period o6 ti%e neati3e&$ a66ects our hea&th and e%otions= We ha3e heard end&ess ti%es ho* *e need to e&i%inate unnecessar$ stress 6ro% our &i3es! $et %ost peop&e ne3er do it unti& the$ ha3e a hea&th crisis= When I dont 6ee& *e&&! I 6ind that its %uch %ore di66icu&t to "e sta"&e e%otiona&&$= I recent&$ returned 6ro% a con6erence that *as the cu&%ination o6 three *ee.s o6 tra3e& and hard *or.= I *as 3er$ tired "ut *anted to see a&& %$ chi&dren! so *e in3ited the% and their 6a%i&ies to %eet us 6or &unch as a s soon as *e ot "ac. ho%e= T*e&3e o6 the% *ere a"&e to co%e! and a&thouh ettin toether *ith the% sounded &i.e a reat idea at the ti%e! it turned out to "e the stra* that "ro.e the ca%e&s "ac.= The restaurant
*as 3er$ nois$! so *e had to ta&. &oud in order to "e heardhard&$ re&a>in= Then so%eone "rouht up a situation that had caused a &ot o6 trou"&e in our &i3es= +ou +ou pro"a"&$ pro"a"&$ .no* *hat *hat I %ean *hen *hen I sa$ sa$! I @ust didnt *ant to hear an$thin e&se a"out it! and especia&&$ not *hen I *as tired= The %ore the$ discussed it "ac. and 6orth! the %ore e%otiona& I 6e&t= I thouht! I6 the$ dont shut up! I a% oin to screa% Ordinari&$! none o6 this *ou&d ha3e "othered %e! "ut "ecause I *as so tired! an$thin that e3en sounded re%ote&$ neati3e or sad *as a&%ost %ore than I cou&d hand&e= I *anted to hear happ$ thins -$ t*o sons *ere teasin %e! as the$ o6ten do! and usua&&$ *e ha3e a &ot o6 6un *ith it= But "ecause I *as tired! %ost o6 *hat the$ said ca%e across as insu&tin= I too. o66ense! e3en thouh the$ *erent tr$in to o66end %e! si%p&$ "ecause I *as e>hausted= On that particu&ar da$ I 6e&t &i.e I *anted e3er$one in %$ 6a%i&$ to i3e %e co%p&i%ents! te&& %e ho* the$ appreciated a&& %$ hard *or.! te&& %e ho* %uch the$ &o3ed %e! and perhaps e3en pa$ 6or %$ dinner= But none o6 that happened! and "$ the ti%e I &e6t! I *as a "order&ine "as.et case= -$ thouhts *ere in the se*er! and %$ e%otions *ere pa$in a 3isit to the pit$par&or *here I once &i3ed= It *as c&ear&$ one o6 those situations *here %$ o*n e>pectations had caused the pro"&e%= I had an e>pectation that %$ 6a%i&$ did not e3en .no* I had! and *hen the$ 6ai&ed to %eet it! I "eca%e e%otiona&= Than.6u&&$! I *as a"&e to et out o6 the restaurant "e6ore %$ chi&dren rea&iJed I *as deterioratin rapid&$=
I cou&d ha3e a3oided the *ho&e scene "$ si%p&$ ha3in a uic. and uiet dinner *ith Da3e= But I &et the ene%$ in throuh a &ac. o6 *isdo%! and the entire rest o6 the e3enin and e3en %ost o6 the ne>t da$ *as a a%e o6 %e tr$in to .eep %$ e%otions under contro&! and I ha3e to sa$ that I *as not tota&&$ success6u&= I a% certain&$ &ad that the Bi"&e sa$s *e ha3e a )ih Priest ;esus *ho understands us "ecause )e *as te%pted in a&& respects @ust &i.e us! $et )e ne3er sinned= )e *as in tota& contro& o6 )is e%otions! "ut )e sti&& understands us? there6ore! *e can "o&d&$ approach )is throne o6 race and recei3e the he&p *e need e3en thouh *e "eha3e &ess than per6ect&$ see )e"= ,:1012= We ot ho%e a6ter the dinner 6iasco! and *ithin thirt$ %inutes our e&ectricit$ *ent out due to a stor%= For the rest o6 the e3enin! *e *ere in the dar. e>cept 6or cand&es= -$ p&an 6or rest! re&a>ation! and a ood %o3ie *as 6ai&in in 6ront o6 %$ e$es! and there *as nothin I cou&d do a"out it= I ended up oin to "ed at 2:88 p=%=! *hich *as not 3er$ e>citin a6ter ha3in *or.ed a&& *ee.end= I *o.e up the ne>t %ornin in a sad! *eep$! se&6 pit$in %ood and spent %$ ti%e *ith 9od cr$in and %oanin a"out %$ *oes= I did stop at reu&ar inter3a&s to te&& 9od that I .ne* ho* 3er$ "&essed I *as! and I .ne* I *as actin ridicu&ous! "ut I *as so tired that I didnt e3en ha3e the ener$ to resist= I suest that $ou stop 6or a %o%ent and thin. a"out
ho* $ou 6ee&! thin.! ta&.! and "eha3e "eha3e *hen $ou are e>tre%e&$ tired or sic.= I6 *e dont 6ace the truth a"out *here *e are in our "eha3ior and spiritua& %aturit$! *e can ne3er et to *here *e need to "e I .ne* that I needed uiet! rest! and a ood! hot %ea&= I a&so needed a coo.ie and a ne* pair o6 shoes I6 $ou ha3e no idea *h$ I %ade that state%ent! then $ou need to read %$ "oo. Eat the Coo.ie Bu$ the Shoes! *hich ta&.s a"out ho* *e need to %a.e an in3est%ent in ourse&3es and re*ard ourse&3es 6or our successes in &i6e= I had @ust success6u&&$ co%p&eted three *ee.s o6 hard *or.! and I needed to ce&e"rate= We a&& *ant to "e re*arded 6or our hard *or.! and it is 3er$ *ise to do so%ethin 6or $ourse&6 that $ou en@o$ as part o6 $our restoration prora%= When Da3e is tired! he &i.es to p&a$ o&6 or *atch a "ase"a&& a%e! and doin so actua&&$ eneriJes eneriJes hi%= I need rest! a ood %ea&! a dessert! and a ood %o3ie= One o6 the %ost i%portant thins I need a6ter a hectic schedu&e *ith tons o6 peop&e around a&& the ti%e is to si%p&$ "e uiet= I did not need to p&an another part$ in a nois$ restaurant restaurant *ith &ots o6 peop&e the %o%ent I returned ho%e= It *as %$ 6au&t and no one e&ses= I ha3e enouh .no*&ede and e>perience to .no* "etter! "ut .no*in *hat *e shou&d do is one thin and app&$in *hat *e .no* is uite another=
4re ;ou Ignoring -arnings
I "e&ie3e 9od has desined our "odies in such a *a$ that the$ o6ten *arn us *hen so%ethin is oin *ron "e6ore it ets rea&&$ "ad= This *arnin is our opportunit$ to ta.e so%e positi3e action and pre3ent a %a@or crisis= I6 $ou ha3e chi&dren! $ou3e pro"a"&$ said thousands o6 ti%es! I% *arnin $ou! i6 $ou .eep doin that! $oure oin to "e in "i trou"&e=G We are i3in the% an opportunit$ to %a.e a chane "e6ore the$ ha3e to su66er= I "e&ie3e our "odies are "ui&t in such a %ar3e&ous *a$ that the$ i3e us the sa%e opportunit$= )a3e $ou e3er had pain in an area &i.e $our nec.! "ac.! or shou&der and &et it o unti& sudden&$ $ou had a %a@or pro"&e%' I .no* I ha3e! and I ha3e done @ust that &et it o %ore than once= I ha3e a&so *atched other peop&e do it ti%e and aain= I6 $ou hear $ourse&6 or so%eone $ou &o3e ta&.in reu&ar&$ a"out an area o6 her "od$ that hurts! then that is a *arnin sin that so%ethin needs to "e chec.ed= For $ears %$ 6eet hurt a6ter %$ con6erences= So%eti%es the$ hurt so "ad&$ I cou&d ha3e cried= I ru""ed the%! soa.ed the%! and used a 3ariet$ o6 coo&in 6oot ru"s on the%= Then I ot up the ne>t %ornin! put on hihhee&ed shoes! and persecuted %$ 6eet aain a&& da$= I had *orn hih hee&s 6or %an$ $ears= I &o3e prett$ shoes! so I opted 6or cute instead o6 co%6ort= It *as un*ise! and I e3entua&&$ paid the price 6or it= I de6ine *isdo% as doin no* *hat $ou *i&& "e satis6ied *ith &ater on=G I did *hat I &i.ed at
the %o%ent and su66ered 6or it &ater on= Further%ore! I did it 6or $ears and e3entua&&$ de3e&oped "unions and corns that reuired surer$= -$ 6eet ot "etter! and I did start *earin shoes *ith &o*er hee&s! "ut on&$ a &itt&e &o*er= It he&ped! "ut %$ "ac. started i3in %e trou"&e= So I inored that unti& I *o.e up one %ornin and cou&dnt *a&. *ithout assistance= That da$ I "ean oin to the chiropractor and ha3e 3isited hi% reu&ar&$ e3er since= I 6ina&&$ started a *or.out and e>ercise prora% *ith a trainer so I *ou&dnt hurt %$se&6 e3en %ore! and that has he&ped a &ot= But o3er the $ears that I inored the pain in %$ "ac.! I *as s$ste%atica&&$ da%ain it= -$ "od$ *as *arnin %e to do so%ethin no*! "ut I put it o66= B$ no* $ou %a$ "e thin.in! ;o$ce! $ou are not 3er$ s%art= Be6ore $ou @ude %e! &et %e as. $ou *hat $oure inorin= Are $ou tired a&& the ti%e' Do $ou ha3e ha3e pain in $our head! nec.! shou&ders! "ac.! hips! .nees! or 6eet and the on&$ action $ou ta.e is to co%p&ain' Is $our "&ood pressure hih! "ut $ou do nothin to &o*er $our stress' Is $our "&ood suar hih! "ut $ou .eep eatin &ots o6 s*eets' When the as aue sa$s $our auto%o"i&e is &o* on 6ue&! $ou dont inore it= And i6 $ou do! $ou end up on the side o6 the road *ith no as and no transportation= I6 $our oi& aue sa$s $our car is &o* on oi&! then $ou add oi&= -$ car has a "rain=G It is so%e .ind o6 6anc$ co%puter that does &ots o6 thins
I rea&&$ cou&dnt care &ess a"out= T*o *ee.s ao it *ent craJ$ and "e&ie3e %e! I paid attention to it uic.= I ot a&& .inds o6 %essaes on the dash"oard adets that sounded rea&&$ scar$= In 6act! I re6used to dri3e it another %i&e unti& it *as 6i>ed "ecause I *as not oin to ta.e a chance o6 "ein out so%e*here and ha3in it "rea. do*n= I6 *e respected the *arnins *e et 6ro% our "odies the *a$ *e do the ones 6ro% our cars! *e *ou&d "e a &ot hea&thier= I6 $ou dont 6ee& *e&&! there is a possi"i&it$ that $ou are rouch$! easi&$ o66ended! and e>cusin a&& $our "ad "eha3ior "$ sa$in! I dont 6ee& *e&&=G As. $ourse&6! Are there so%e thins I can do that cou&d chane this situation or at &east he&p it' I "e&ie3e i6 *e do *hat *e can do! then 9od *i&& do *hat *e cannot do= When *e are sic.! *e pra$ and as. 6or he&p and hea&in 6ro% 9od! "ut are *e doin *hat *e can do to .eep ourse&3es hea&th$' So%eti%es *hen *e as. 9od 6or he&p! )e tries to sho* us so%ethin *e are doin that is causin our pro"&e%s! "ut *e dont *ant to chane an$thin*e @ust *ant *ant the pain or e>haustion e>haustion to o a*a$ a*a$== Wisdo% .no*s that i6 *e need a chane! *e *i&& not et it "$ continuin to do the sa%e thins *e ha3e a&*a$s done= It is a%aJin ho* %uch "etter $ou %iht 6ee& i6 $ou do so%e si%p&e thins &i.e eat hea&thier! drin. p&ent$ o6 *ater! et adeuate rest! "a&ance out $our *or. *ith rest! and &auh! &auh! &auh=
he 5irth iet
It is scienti6ica&&$ pro3en that &auhter i%pro3es our hea&th! and i6 it i%pro3es i%pro3es our hea&th! our %oods *i&& * i&& "e "etter " etter== # happy heart is goo$ goo$ me$icine me$icine an$ a cheerul cheerul min$ works healing, !ut a !roken spirit $ries up the !ones" %&rover!s ()**+
Did $ou .no* that it ta.es a &ot %ore %usc&es to 6ro*n than it does to s%i&e' One *e"site said it ta.es 6our %usc&es to s%i&e and si>t$6our to 6ro*n= I thin. I *i&& sa3e %usc&e ener$ and start s%i&in %ore When *e &auh it sti%u&ates the parts o6 our "rain that use the 6ee& oodG che%ica&! dopa%ine= The i%%une s$ste% is triered! and &auhter e3en see%s to he&p dia"etics .eep their &ucose &e3e&s in chec.= Researchers at the /ni3ersit$ o6 -ar$&and &earned that *hen *e &auh! the inner &inin o6 our "&ood 3esse&s e>pands! and oodG che%ica&s are produced that reduce c&ottin and in6&a%%ation= When the "&ood 3esse& &inins contract! stress hor%ones cortiso& are re&eased= A heart$ &auh tenses a&& $our %usc&es 6or seconds or %inutes at a ti%e! and $our heart rate and "&ood pressure o up *hi&e $ou &auh and 6a&& "e&o* $our "ase&ine a6ter*ard! @ust &i.e
e>ercisin= I ha3e heard that &auhter is eui3a&ent to interna& @oin= Peop&e *ho are happier in their dai&$ &i3es ha3e hea&thier &e3e&s o6 .e$ che%ica&s than those *ho are unhapp$= A stud$ in En&and sho*ed that the happier peop&e are! the &o*er their &e3e&s o6 cortiso& are! *hich is &in.ed to dia"etes and heart disease= A Carneie -e&&on /ni3ersit$ stud$ con6ir%ed that peop&e *ho are happ$! &i3e&$! ca&%! or e>hi"it other positi3e positi3e e%otions are &ess &i.e&$ to "eco%e i&& *hen the$ are e>posed to a co&d 3irus than those *ho report 6e* o6 these e%otions= This research states that &auhter increases ood hea&th! and I "e&ie3e that "oth o6 those thins he&p us "e %ore sta"&e e%otiona&&$= So *h$ not &auh! &auh! and &auh so%e %ore' Da3e has en@o$ed e>tre%e&$ ood hea&th in his se3ent$ $ears o6 &i6e! and he has e>ercised 6or 6i6t$ $ears and has a .nac. 6or en@o$in e3er$thin= I noticed @ust this %ornin that *ithin the 6irst hour *e *ere up! he 6ound hu%or in at &east ten thins= The$ *ere si%p&e thins that a %ore intense person *ou&d not ha3e 6ound 6unn$ at a&&! "ut Da3e did= )is si&&iness %ade %e &auh! and that is ood 6or %e "ecause I a% a %ore serious%inded indi3idua& indi3idua& especia&&$ *hen I ha3e *or. to do= Tr$ it +ou can e3en %a.e it a a%e to see ho* o6ten $ou can &auh in one da$! and I "e&ie3e it *i&& he&p
re&ie3e tension that in turn *i&& he&p $our o3era&& hea&th and e%otions= Are $ou an intense person *ho stresses o3er thins that *ou&dnt %a.e an$ di66erence at a&& to $ou i6 $ou .ne* this *as $our &ast da$ on earth' I6 I had one da$ &e6t! I *ou&d certain&$ *ant to en@o$ it! *ou&dnt $ou' -ore than &i.e&$ so%e o6 %$ readers are thin.in! ;o$ce! ;o$ce! I @ust dont ha3 ha3e e an$thin an$thin to &auh &auh a"out= -$ -$ &i6e is a %ess and a nd I ha3e pro"&e%s e3er$*here e3er$*here I &oo.= That %a$ "e true! "ut I "e&ie3e *e can 6ind so%e hu%or in a&%ost e3er$thin i6 *e are deter%ined to do so= I rea&iJe there are traic thins that happen! &i.e ter%ina& disease or the death o6 a &o3ed one! and a nd I a% not suestin there is an$thin hu%orous a"out those thins= The Bi"&e sa$s that theres a ti%e to &auh and a ti%e to *eep and %ourn see Ecc&= (:,= Tr$in to "e 6unn$ at the *ron ti%e can "e hurt6u& to peop&e *ho are a&read$ hurtin= )o*e3er! I stron&$ suest that *e a&& 6ind as %uch hu%or as *e can in e3er$thin *e can! as o6ten as *e can= I6 *e do! then e3en the %ore di66icu&t and traic ti%es in &i6e *i&& "e easier to hand&e= We dont &auh at our pro"&e%s! "ut in spite o6 the%= The Bi"&e sa$s that the @o$ o6 the Lord is our strenth see Neh= 5:18! and *e *ou&d do *e&& to re%e%"er that= ;o$! ;o$! te%perance te%perance and repose s&a% s&a% the door on the doctors nose= )enr$ Wads*orth Wads*orth Lon6e&&o* @ontrolling @ontrolling
It is de6inite&$ %ore di66icu&t to %anae $our e%otions *hen $ou are sic. or e>hausted! "ut it is not i%possi"&e= When 6ee&in "ad is a oncea%onth once a%onth e3ent! I te&& *o%en to et e>tra rest! a3oid %a.in "i decisions! and sa$ as &itt&e as possi"&e= But *hat i6 a serious i&&ness is in3o&3ed' Diet chanes! e>ercise! &auhin! and so%e o6 the other thins I ha3e suested *ont chane a thin 6or peop&e *ho are 3er$ sic. and need hea&in= Durin the *aitin ti%e! *hether $oure *aitin 6or the doctor! *aitin to et a prescription! or *aitin 6or a %irac&e 6ro% 9od! $ou ha3e to dea& *ith &i6e= I ha3e noticed that thins dont stop happenin @ust "ecause I dont 6ee& &i.e dea&in *ith the%= Can $ou %anae $our e%otions durin these ti%es' A"so&ute&$ It *i&& "e %ore di66icu&t! it %a$ reuire e>tra pra$er and %ore deter%ination! "ut $ou can do it *ith 9ods he&p= The 6irst step to*ard "ein a"&e to %anae $our e%otions durin ti%es &i.e this is to "e&ie3e that $ou can= I6 *e cou&d not re%ain sta"&e in e3er$ .ind o6 situation! then 9ods Word *ou&d sa$! Be sta"&e! e>cept *hen $ou 6ee& "ad=G It doesnt sa$ that! "ut rather *e are tauht to re%ain sta"&e durin e3er$ stor% o6 &i6e= It has he&ped %e i%%ense&$ to &earn that 9od *i&& i3e %e the a"i&it$ to do an$thin I ha3e to do i6 I trust )i% and spend &ots o6 ti%e *ith )i%= Psa&% 71:1 teaches that i6 *e d*e&& in the secret p&ace o6 the -ost )ih! *e *i&& re%ain sta"&e and 6i>ed
under the shado* o6 the A&%iht$ HWhose po*er no 6oe can *ithstand=G That %eans i6 *e spend &ots o6 ti%e in 9ods presence! *aitin on )i%! pra$in and %editatin on )is Word! then *e *i&& recei3e the strenth *e need to acco%p&ish *hate3er *e need to do= The 6irst %ista.e *e o6ten %a.e is &istenin to the this is @ust too hardG &ie= Satan is a &iar! and he a&*a$s puts thouhts into our %inds that sa$ *e are not capa"&e! cant! *ont! and ne3er *i&& "e a"&e to= The de3i& is a &assha&6e%pt$ u$! "ut 9od a&*a$s sees the &ass as 6u&& and o3er6&o*in= We can choose to adopt 9ods attitude and "e an I thin. I canG person! instead o6 an I thin. I cantG person= I6 $ou "e&ie3e $ou can re%ain sta"&e and contro& $our e%otions e3en durin ti%es in *hich it is di66icu&t to do so! then $ou *i&& 6ind 9od *or.in throuh $our 6aith and ena"&in $ou to do *hat $ou "e&ie3ed= I .no* peop&e *ho ha3e "een sic. 6or an e>tended period o6 ti%e and ha3e the %ost "eauti6u& attitudes= The$ ne3er co%p&ain! are not rouch$! dont act as i6 the *or&d o*es the% so%ethin! and the$ dont "&a%e 9od or e3en 6ee& sorr$ 6or the%se&3es= But I a&so .no* peop&e *ith the sa%e circu%stance circu%stance *ho ta&. on&$ a"out their i&&nesses! %edica& appoint%ents! appoint%ents! and ho* hard it a&& is 6or the%= The$ are easi&$ o66ended! "itter! and resent6u&= E3er$ situation in &i6e reuires %a.in a decision a"out ho* *e are oin to respond! and i6 *e respond the *a$ 9od *ou&d! then our tria&s are %uch easier to hand&e= I hih&$
respect and ad%ire peop&e *ho are a"&e to "e sta"&e e3en *hen the$ are in tre%endous pain and disco%6ort= I thin. the$ are a *onder6u& e>a%p&e to a&& o6 us= I a% oin to uote a scripture that $ou ha3e pro"a"&$ pro"a"&$ heard hundreds o6 ti%es! "ut this ti%e I a% as.in $ou to &oo. at each *ord and rea&&$ thin. a"out *hat it is sa$in: I have strength for all things in @hrist -ho empowers me #I am read" for an"thing and eual to an"thing through 6im -ho infuses inner strength into me' I am self>sufficient self>sufficient in @hrist2s sufficienc"$. (Philippians +:1)
Wo* What an encourain 3erse that is= We dont ha3e to "e a6raid o6 upco%in thins! *e dont ha3e to dread the%! and *e dont ha3e to &et circu%stances de6eat us "e6ore *e e3en tr$ to conuer the%= 9od is on our side! and )is race is su66icient to %eet our e3er$ need= Perhaps $ou ha3e ne3er e3en thouht a"out ho* i%portant it is to %anae $our e%otions durin ti%es o6 crisis= I i%aine *e a&& thin.! I cant he&p ho* I act riht no*? I a% ha3in a hard ti%e! and that is a&& there is to it= That is a nor%a& hu%an reaction! "ut *ith 9od on our side he&pin us! *e dont ha3e to "eha3e the *a$ a nor%a&G person
*ou&d= Satan is our ene%$! and his oa& is to et us so e%otiona&&$ ratt&ed that *e start sa$in sa$in a &ot o6 thins that *i&& pro3ide hi% *ith an openin into our &i3es= Or he hopes *e *i&& %a.e a &ot o6 un*ise decisions decisions durin pain6u& ti%es and create %esses that *e *i&& ha3e to dea& *ith 6or a &on! &on ti%e a6ter*ard= The apost&e Pau&! inspired "$ the )o&$ Spirit! *rote in Phi&ippians that *e shou&d not e3en 6or one %o%ent "e 6rihtened or inti%idated "$ an$thin our opponents and ad3ersaries *ou&d heap on us= )e said that our 6ear&essness and constanc$ *ou&d "e a sin to our ene%ies o6 their i%pendin destruction! and a to.en and e3idence o6 our de&i3erance and sa&3ation 6ro% 9od see Phi&= 1:#5= In other *ords! it see%s that *hen *e ha3e tria&s! the spiritua& *or&d is *atchin= 9od is *atchin and Satan is *atchin! and ho* *e respond and *hat *e sa$ and do are 3er$ i%portant= I ha3e "e&ie3ed 6or $ears that i6 I can ho&d %$ tonue and re%ain e%otiona&&$ sta"&e durin ti%es o6 di66icu&t$! then I a% honorin 9od and &ettin the de3i& .no* he is not oin to contro& %e= I% not a&*a$s success6u&! "ut I% certain&$ a &ot "etter than I once *as= As I o6ten sa$! I a% not *here I need to "e! "ut than. 9od I a% not *here I used to "e=G I a% sti&& ro*in! "ut at &east I3e &earned the i%portance o6 %anain %$ e%otions! and I hope $ou are a&so seein ho* i%portant it is to do that= There is no dou"t that it is %ore di66icu&t to %anae
$our e%otions *hen $oure sic.! "ut hope6u&&$ $ou are &earnin that it is an option= on2t en"
It is i%portant to %e that $ou understand I a% not sa$in to den$ $our e%otions e>ist! "ut den$ the% the riht to contro& $ou= We a&& ha3e &oads o6 6ee&ins a"out hundreds i6 not thousands o6 di66erent thins= As I said! it see%s that e%otions ha3e a %ind o6 their o*n= I6 $our hea&th is not ood! $our e%otions %a$ possi"&$ screa% screa% &ouder than nor%a&! and that is to "e e>pected= Pain is not eas$ to dea& *ith= Bein to&d "$ %edica& pro6essiona&s that $ou ha3e a disease is not a 6un thin= I .no* "ecause I3e had %$ share o6 ti%es &i.e that! "ut I ha3e disco3ered it is %uch easier on %e i6 I dont &et %$ e%otions o *i&d= The %ore $ou sta$ in contro& o6 $our e%otions! the "etter $our decisions *i&& "e= Outo6contro& e%otions *ear %e out! and I a% a % sure the$ a66ect $ou the sa%e *a$= Aner %a.es %e tired? ui&t %a.es %e tired? 6rustration 6rustration and *i&d thouhts a&& %a.e %e tired= I e3en et e>hausted i6 I ta&. a&& da$ a"out pro"&e%s and neati3e thins= The 3er$ 6act that these thins drain us shou&d "e proo6 that the$ stea& 6ro% us rather than add to our o3era&& *e&&ness= The ne>t ti%e $ou hear "ad ne*s o6 an$ .ind and 6ee& $ourse&6 startin to et upset or discouraed! discouraed! re%e%"er this "oo. and the princip&es I a% sharin! then %a.e a decision to re%ain ca&%
and as. 9od to i3e $ou direction= Decision and con6ession: con6ession: When I a% tired or sic.! I *i&& %anae %$ e%otions and not a&&o* the% to contro& %e=
C)APTER 15 Stress And E%otions We cannot a3oid a&& stress! and in 6act so%e stress is ood and necessar$= But too %uch stress a66ects us 3er$ neati3e&$= It contri"utes i%%ense&$ to e%otiona& out"ursts that are not ood 6or us or the peop&e around us= The *ord stress *as oriina&&$ an enineerin ter%= It re6erred to ho* %uch pressure a "ui&din cou&d ta.e "e6ore it co&&apsed= These da$s da$s a &ot %ore peop&e are co&&apsin 6ro% stress than "ui&dins= We rein6orce our "ui&dins so the$ can *ithstand stor%s! hurricanes! hurricanes! earthua.es! earthua.es! and other such thins! "ut *hat are *e doin to %a.e sure *e dont co&&apse in our o*n stor%s! stor%s! hurricanes! and earthua.esiJe pro"&e%s' Do $ou 6ee& and thin.! I a% stressed to the point o6 "rea.in! and $et $ou do nothin a"out it' I pra$ that a6ter readin this chapter! $ou *i&& %a.e so%e decisions that *i&& re&ie3e a &ot o6 the pressure $ou are under= er$ o6ten our stress and pressure are due to the 6act that *e ha3e co%%itted to too %an$ thins= I6 $ou ha3e said! I dont .no* *h$ I 6ee& so 6rustrated a&& the ti%e!G it *ou&d "e a ood idea to ha3e one o6 those %eetins *ith $ourse&6 that I ha3e ta&.ed a"out and ta.e a serious &oo. at *hat $ou are
doin and! %ost i%portant&$! *h$ $ou are doin *hat $ou do= )ere is the short 3ersion o6 *hat happens in $our "od$ *hen $ou e>perience stress= The state o6 upset or arousa& sets o66 a natura& a&ar% in our "odies! ca&&ed the 6ihtor6&ihtG response! desined to he&p us de6end ourse&3es aainst threatenin hosti&e e3ents= E3en thin.in o6 an upsettin e3ent or i%ainin daner can a&so set o66 the a&ar%= So that %eans thin.in a"out thins that i3e us stress can cause the sa%e reaction as i6 *e *ere actua&&$ e>periencin the stress6u& e3ent= The "rain! pituitar$ &and! adrena& &and! and adrena& corte> te&& the "od$ to %a.e cortiso&= Cortiso& 6ihts in6&a%%ation! in6&a%%ation! and it increases "&ood suar and %usc&e tension= Adrena&ine is a&so produced! *hich increases the heart rate! raises "&ood pressure and cho&estero& &e3e&s! and sends &ucose to %usc&es= A&& these responses are he&pin us dea& *ith the stress6u& e3ent or e%erenc$ *e are 6acin= It is %ar3e&ous that 9od has created our "odies in such a *a$ that the$ do these thins 6or us= Actua&&$! our "odies *ant to he&p us But the sa%e reactions to stress that are "ui&t into our "odies to he&p us *i&& actua&&$ har% us i6 *e a&&o* stress to cause this 6ihtor6&iht response to "e repeated e>cessi3e&$= ;ust thin. o6 a ru""er "and= It stretches! "ut i6 it is stretched too 6ar or too o6ten! it
can "rea.= I3e tied .nots in the% and .ept usin the% unti& I had a ru""er "and *ith 6our .nots! "ut e3entua&&$ it *ore out? it had @ust "een stretched too 6ar too %an$ ti%es= 9od "rouht this to %ind as an e>a%p&e o6 ho* *e treat our "odies *hen it co%es to stress= We stretch ourse&3es unti& so%ethin "rea.s! then *e put a "andae on it "$ %edicatin the s$%pto%= We @ust .eep doin the sa%e thin unti& so%ethin e&se "rea.s and *e repeat the process= We e3entua&&$ 6ee& &i.e that ru""er "and *ith the 6our .nots tied in it to ho&d it toether= I ha3e e3en said! I ha3e had so %uch stress &ate&$ that I 6ee& &i.e I a% a&& tied up in .nots=G What I %eant *as that I had run in hih ear 6or so &on that I 6e&t &i.e I cou&dnt re&a>= I *as achin! tense! tired! and had indiestion and heart"urn! @ust to na%e a 6e* .nots= -hat -ill It ake o et Cs o @hange
Sad&$! *e nor%a&&$ dont chane unti& a crisis 6orces us to= +ou %a$ thin. as I did! I cant do an$thin a"out %$ &i6e "ecause I rea&&$ do ha3e to do e3er$thin e3er$thin I a% doin= I can te&& $ou 6ro% e>perience that is a"so&ute&$ not true= 9od ne3er i3es us %ore than *e can do *ith peace and @o$= I did a &ot o6 *hat I did "ecause I *anted to do it= I had %$se&6 con3inced I had to! "ut the truth *as that I *anted to= Perhaps $ou are one o6 those rare peop&e *ho ha3e a &ot o6 "a&ance in their &i3es! and $ou use a &ot o6 *isdo%= But i6 $ou arent! then p&ease dont *aste
%ost o6 $our &i6e "e6ore $ou %a.e the chanes that can he&p $ou en@o$ it= The e>ecuti3e *ho *or.s 6ro% 4:88 a=%= to 4:88 p=%= e3er$ da$ *i&& "e "oth success6u& success6u& and 6ond&$ re%e%"ered "$ his *i6es ne>t hus"and!G author ;ohn CapoJJi *rote= That is a state%ent *orth thin.in a"out= The *riter o6 Ecc&esiastes said! I hated &i6e! "ecause *hat is done under the sun *as rie3ous to %e? 6or a&& is 3anit$ and a stri3in a6ter the *ind and a 6eedin on it= And I hated a&& %$ &a"or in *hich I had toi&ed under the sun! seein that I %ust &ea3e it to the %an *ho *i&& succeed %eG Ecc&= #:1415= I thin. *hen So&o%on *rote that! he *as ha3in a "ad da$= )e %a$ ha3e "een depressed and discouraed "ecause he *as *ornout 6ro% tr$in to o"tain and %aintain so %uch stu66= Later in chapter #! he said so%ethin *ise: There is nothin "etter 6or a %an than that he shou&d eat and drin. and %a.e hi%se&6 en@o$ ood in his &a"or= E3en this! I ha3e seen! is 6ro% the hand o6 9odG 3= #,= )o* %an$ peop&e do $ou .no* *ho *or. too hard! are co%%itted to a &ot %ore than the$ can hand&e peace6u&&$! and ne3er rea&&$ see% to en@o$ an$ o6 it' Are $ou one o6 those peop&e' I6 so! *hat *i&& it ta.e to et $ou to chane' Stress is an inorant state= It "e&ie3es that e3er$thin is an e%erenc$= e%erenc$= Nata&ie 9o&d"er When peop&e die! so%eone usua&&$ as.s! I *onder ho* %uch he &e6t'G The ans*er is that he &e6t it a&&= E3er$one does= +ou and I *i&& ne3er ha3e this %o%ent aain! so *e shou&d %a.e e3er$ e66ort to
en@o$ it= Stress %anae%ent %anae%ent is a %u&ti"i&&iondo&&ar "usiness! "usiness! and $ou3e pro"a"&$ pro"a"&$ read a "oo. or an artic&e or se3era& i6 $oure desperate enouh on ho* to et $our &i6e under contro&= I dou"t an$ o6 us %anae our &i3es *e&& un&ess *e are &ed "$ the Spirit o6 9od! and that %eans *e 6o&&o* *isdo% and peace= I ha3e 6ina&&$ ad%itted I a% not s%art enouh to run %$ o*n &i6e *e&& *ithout he&p 6ro% 9od= So%eone sa* a "i&&"oard that read I6 $ou *ant to %a.e %e &auh! te&& %e $our p&ans=G It *as sined 9odG We %a$ "e ood at %a.in p&ans! "ut *ithout considerin considerin *isdo%! peace! and the need 6or "a&ance= We a&so tend to 6oret a&& the other thins *e ha3e a&read$ co%%itted to unti& it is too &ate and *e are *ornout and 6rustrated= 6rustrated=
-h" @an2t I Gela% and
Peop&e *ho are tired and *ornout! *ornou t! uptiht and irritated! usua&&$ spend a &ot o6 ti%e co%p&ainin a"out it! "ut the$ do &itt&e or nothin to chane it= The$ *ant to understand *h$ the$ 6ee& the *a$ the$ 6ee&! "ut e3en i6 so%eone to&d the%! the$ sti&& pro"a"&$ *ou&dnt chane a thin= We 6ee& trapped We actua&&$ thin. *e ha3e to do a&& the thins *e do! "ut the truth is that *e dont= I6 $ou ot sic. and had to "e hospita&iJed 6or a %onth! &i6e *ou&d o on=
Either so%eone e&se *ou&d do *hat $ou *ere doin! orshoc.in&$it %iht @ust not et done at a&&! *ith no ad3erse reaction= I a% not suestin *e inore our responsi"i&ities! "ut I do "e&ie3e *e need to &earn that *e cannot do e3er$thin *e *ant to do! or e3er$thin e3er$one e&se *ants us to do= The 6irst .e$ to &o*erin $our stress &e3e& is to &earn to sa$ no= We cannot "e peop&ep&easers and .eep stress at a %anaea"&e &e3e&= We cannot e3en do e3er$thin e3er$one e&se does= So%e peop&e are a"&e to acco%p&ish %ore than others! "ut *e %ust &earn to &i3e *ithin our o*n &i%its= E3er$one E3er$one has &i%its! "ut the$ are not a&& the sa%e= I %a.e 3er$ 6ast decisions! "ut I .no* other peop&e *ho need %ore ti%e to %a.e decisions and that is 6ine= I a&so ha3e an unusua& a%ount o6 endurance= These a"i&ities are 9ods race ena"&in %e to do *hat )e has i3en %e to do= I had an assistant *ho tried to .eep up *ith %e! and she see%ed to "e doin reat and &o3ed it a&&= But she ended up a&%ost co&&apsin %enta&&$! e%otiona&&$! and ph$sica&&$= She *anted to p&ease %e so %uch that she *asnt *asnt honest *ith %e a"out her &i%its= I can so%eti%es e>pect too %uch out o6 peop&e "ecause I can acco%p&ish a &ot! "ut it is not %$ 6au&t i6 the$ dont co%%unicate *ith %e a"out *hat the$ 6ee&
the$ can do and "e hea&th$ and happ$= Kuite o6ten peop&e dont co%%unicate co%%unicate honest&$ *ith their e%p&o$ers "ecause the$ 6ear the$ %iht &ose their @o"s= But! e3en e3en i6 that that *ere the the case! the$ *ou&d "e 6ar "etter o66 to &ose the @o" and a nd et another one instead o6 "ein stressed out a&& the ti%e= One o6 our "iest stressors in &i6e can "e co%parin ourse&3es to and co%petin *ith other peop&e= The ood ne*s is that $ou are 6ree to "e $ourse&6= +ou dont need to e3er tr$ to "e so%eone e&se= 3tress eeds eeds 4n%iet" 4n%i et"
Nothin har%s us e%otiona&&$ the *a$ stress does= We %iht sa$ that an>iet$ is e%otions out o6 contro&= When so%eone e>periences an>iet$ an>iet$ %ost o6 the ti%e! its "ecause their e%otions ha3e "een pressured to the point that the$ are no &oner 6unctionin hea&thi&$= There are %an$ situations that cause an>iet$= The death o6 a spouse or chi&d! di3orce! and @o" &oss are %a@or e3ents? e3ents? ho*e3er ho*e3er!! not a&& the reasons are that serious= A &ot o6 an>iet$ is caused si%p&$ "$ ta.in on %ore than *e can hand&e= There is no ans*er 6or e%otiona& distress un&ess *e &earn to 6o&&o* 9ods princip&es o6 *isdo%= I used to 6ee& &i.e I *as oin craJ$ due to stress! "ut it *as "ecause %$ schedu&e *as insane= Ande3en *orse I thouht I *as *as doin it 6or 6or 9od= It is a%aJin to to %e no* *hen I &oo. "ac. ho* decei3ed I *as= A&*a$s
re%e%"er that i6 Satan cannot et $ou to not *or. 6or 9od! then he *i&& tr$ to et $ou to o3er*or. 6or 9od= )e rea&&$ doesnt care *hich end o6 "ein out o6 "a&ance *e are on! "ecause either one causes trou"&e= I cou&d *rite an entire "oo. on this su"@ect! "ut the si%p&e ans*er to &i3in a &i6e $ou can en@o$ is to &earn 9ods *a$s and 6o&&o* the%= ;esus said! I a% the Wa$G ;ohn 1,:2! and that %eans )e *i&& sho* us ho* to &i3e proper&$= The ans*ers *e need are in the Bi"&e! and *e shou&d %a.e a decision that *e *i&& not on&$ read it! "ut *e *i&& o"e$ it= I6 *e re6use to %a.e that decision and 6o&&o* throuh! *e *i&& .eep 6ee&in stressed stressed unti& *e "rea.= I a% sure that so%e o6 $ou ha3e decided *hi&e readin this "oo. that there are %an$ chanes $ou need to %a.e in order to et $our e%otions under contro&= Dont put those chanes o66 unti& $ou3e 6orotten a"out the%! "ecause procrastination is one o6 the de3i&s "est *eapons= Ta.e action= +ou dont e3en ha3e to 6inish the "oo. "e6ore $ou et started= +ou can start *hi&e $ou are sti&& readin= As a %atter o6 6act! I a% cha&&enin $ou to %a.e one decision toda$ and put it into action= Do it as a seed o6 $our co%%it%ent to et $our e%otions under contro&= Perhaps $ou *ere hopin I *ou&d i3e $ou three eas$ steps to re%o3in e>cess stress and en@o$in e%otiona& sta"i&it$= I a% sorr$ to disappoint $ou! "ut an$thin *orth ha3in is *orth %a.in an e66ort to o"tain= I can sa$ *ith a&& honest$ that at one ti%e I
*as e>tre%e&$ out o6 "a&ance and 3er$ stressed= I a&so &et %$ e%otions contro& %e? "ut I ha3e chaned! and so can $ou= Start as.in 9od *hat $ou can e&i%inate 6ro% $our &i6e that is not producin ood 6ruit= It %a$ e3en "e so%e ood thins that are @ust not the "est thins 6or $ou= So%ethin can "e riht 6or us in one season o6 our &i3es and not riht at a&& in another season= Dont "e a6raid to te&& peop&e that $ou ha3e to stop doin so%ethin= Fo&&o* 9od Fo&&o* peace Fo&&o* $our heart! and $ou *i&& acco%p&ish a &ot o6 6ruit6u& thins and sti&& ha3e ha3e ener$ &e6t o3er to en@o$ the 6ruit o6 $our &a"or= As I c&ose this chapter! &et %e &ea3e $ou *ith these *ords 6ro% ;esus: Peace I leave with "ou' 5" #own$ peace I now give and beueath to "ou. ot as the world gives do I give to "ou. "ou. o not let "our hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. #3top allowing "ourselves to be agitated and disturbed' and do not permit "ourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardl" cowardl" and unsettled.$ (8ohn 1+:/F
It is o"3ious 6ro% ;esus *ords that )e desires 6or us to ha3e *onder6u& peace! "ut p&ease notice that )e is a&so i3in us a responsi"i&it$= We %ust contro& the neati3e e%otions that *ou&d stea& our peace= We cannot a&*a$s contro& a&& our circu%stances! "ut *e can contro& ourse&3es *ith 9ods he&p=
Decision and con6ession: I *i&& &i3e *ith peace and not do %ore than I can hand&e=
C)APTER 17 9ood E%otions We tend to 6ocus on e%otions that are trou"&eso%e! "ut there are %an$ e%otions that are ood e%otions that pro%ote hea&th! content%ent! @o$! producti3it$! and a sense o6 *e&&"ein= Without those e%otions! it *ou&d "e a du&&! du&& *or&d= +es! %an$ e%otions need to "e %anaed! "ut %an$ o6 the% can "e a source o6 en@o$%ent= en@o$%ent= The 6irst e>a%p&e o6 a positi3e e%otion that co%es to %ind is happiness= I "e&ie3e the %ain thin e3er$one *ants in &i6e is to "e happ$= No %atter *hat our pursuits are! *e hope the$ "rin us happiness= I6 a person *or.s hard to acco%p&ish oa&s! she does it "ecause it %a.es her 6ee& happ$= -$ dauhter Sandra is a hih&$ oraniJed *o%an= She to&d %e once that *hen she can chec. e3er$thin o66 her &ist as "ein done! it %a.es her 6ee& rea&&$ happ$= Freuent&$ *hen *e ta&. "$ phone and I as. her *hat she is doin! she sa$s! OraniJin=G I a% a &itt&e di66erent 6ro% %$ dauhter= I &o3e 6or thins to "e oraniJed! "ut I pre6er not to "e the one *ho oraniJes the%= -$ assistant is ood at oraniJin= I can i3e her a pi&e o6 a&& .inds o6 stu66 and sa$! 9et this oraniJed so%e*here so%e*here so I can actua&&$ &oo. on a she&6 and see *hat I ha3e=G I pa$ her to oraniJe so I can "e happ$=
I "e&ie3e thins "ein *e&& oraniJed i3es us a sense o6 order and peace! and that produces a sense o6 ca&% as *e&& as happiness= Chaos! on the other hand! &ea3es us con6used and unhapp$= 9od is a 9od o6 order! not con6usion= I6 $our surroundins are chaotic! Id 3enture to uess that other parts o6 $our &i6e are out o6 order too= I suest $ou et oraniJed= I6 $ou @ust cant see% to do it $ourse&6! $ou %iht pa$ so%eone to do it! or 6ind a 6riend or re&ati3e *ho actua&&$ &o3es the tas. o6 oraniJin and as. the% 6or he&p= +ou can "arterG *ith the% and in turn he&p the% *ith so%ethin $oure especia&&$ ood at= What do $ou do that %a.es $ou happ$' Peop&e o on 3acations hopin to "u$ a &itt&e happiness= So%eti%es the$ e3en o into de"t to "u$ a *ee.s *orth o6 happiness! happiness! and then *hen the "i&&s co%e in! the$ arent happ$ an$%ore= So%e o6 the thins *e purchase are needs! "ut %an$ are @ust thins *e thin. *i&& %a.e us happ$= Peop&e *or&d*ide stand at %erchandise counters riht no*! *aitin to pa$ 6or so%ethin the$ thin. or hope *i&& %a.e the% happ$= We et %arried hopin it *i&& %a.e us happ$! and a6ter a *hi&e so%e et di3orced hopin it *i&& %a.e the% happ$= Peop&e o6ten chane @o"s searchin 6or happiness= We e3en do thins *e dont &i.e doin! @ust so *e *e can "e happ$ happ$ *ith the end end resu&t= A *o%an %a$ not &i.e to c&ean house! "ut she &oo.s at her c&ean house and 6ee&s happ$! so *ee. a6ter *ee. she c&eans it= Actua&&$! I cannot thin. o6 an$thin *e
do that does not ha3e happiness as a %oti3ator= There are %an$ thins that %a.e %e happ$! "ut I ha3e 6ound that o"e$in 9od is the nu%"er one thin that %a.es %e happ$= When I a% 6&o*in *ith 9od I ha3e a deep content%ent that nothin e&se co%pares to= I %a$ not a&*a$s &i.e *hat )e as.s %e to do or not to do! "ut i6 I resist and re"e&! I *i&& not "e happ$ do*n deep in %$ sou&? and i6 I o"e$! I *i&& "e happ$= Sad&$! %an$ peop&e dont o"e$ 9od and then 6rantica&&$ *ear the%se&3es out tr$in to et or "u$ happiness so%e other *a$= No %atter *hat *e o*n! *e *i&& not "e happ$ i6 doin 9ods *i&& is not a priorit$ in our &i3es= -h" 4re 3o 5an" @hristians Cnhapp"
I thin. so%e peop&e ha3e a perception that Christianit$ is stern! se3ere! and @o$&ess= Thats "ecause %an$ *ho ca&& the%se&3es Christians ha3e sour attitudes and sad 6aces= The$ are critica& o6 others and uic. to @ude= Those o6 us *ho &o3e and ser3e 9od and )is Son! ;esus Christ! shou&d "e the happiest peop&e on earth= We shou&d "e a"&e to en@o$ e3er$thin *e do! si%p&$ "ecause *e .no* that 9od is present= It *as a reat da$ 6or %e *hen I 6ina&&$ disco3ered throuh stud$in the Bi"&e that 9od *ants us to en@o$ our &i3es= In 6act! )e sent ;esus to ensure that *e *ou&d "e a"&e to see ;ohn 18:18= Our @o$ %a.es %a.es 9od happ$ happ$
)appiness is an e%otion that 6osters *e&&"ein! and I "e&ie3e it is contaious= One o6 the "est *a$s to *itness to others a"out ;esus is to "e happ$ and en@o$ a&& that *e do= Since e3er$one si%p&$ *ants to "e happ$! i6 the$ see that "ein a Christian *i&& produce happiness! the$ *i&& "e open to &earnin a"out and recei3in ;esus the%se&3es= There are %an$ e%otions *e ha3e to resist! "ut happiness is not one o6 the% So o ahead and "e as happ$ as $ou can possi"&$ "e= I eel <%cited
E>cite%ent! Jea&! and passion are a&so positi3e e%otions= The$ eneriJe us to press 6or*ard in our pursuits= The Bi"&e instructs us to "e Jea&ous and enthusiastic as *e ser3e the Lord see Ro%= 1#:11= In Re3e&ation (:17! 9od instructs us to e3en "e enthusiastic and "urnin *ith Jea& *hen )e chastises or corrects us= Wh$ shou&d *e do that' Si%p&$ "ecause )e e>pects us to trust that e3er$thin )e does is 6or our u&ti%ate ood= I %a.e a point o6 tr$in to "e e>cited a"out each da$ that 9od i3es %e= The psa&%ist Da3id said this: This is the da$ *hich the Lord has "rouht a"out? *e *i&& re@oice and "e &ad in itG i tG Psa&% 115:#,= 9ood e%otions co%e 6ro% ood decisions and ood thouhts= For $ears I ot up each da$ and *aited to see ho* I 6e&t! then I &et those 6ee&ins dictate the
course o6 %$ da$= No*! I set %$ %ind in the riht direction and %a.e decisions that I .no* *i&& produce e%otions I can en@o$= I *asted enouh $ears o6 %$ &i6e &ettin neati3e and e3en poisonous e%otions contro& %e! and I re6use to do it an$ &oner= Each da$ I decide to en@o$ the da$! to "e e>cited a"out *hate3er I do and do it *ith Jea& and enthusias%= I %a.e a decision e3er$ da$ to "e content I *ont "e a"&e to carr$ out %$ decision i6 I dont set %$ %ind and .eep it set in the riht direction= I 6ir%&$ "e&ie3e that 6ee&ins 6o&&o* decisions= !iving Brdinar" a"s -ith 4n <%traordinar" 4ttitude
-ost o6 our da$s are rather ordinar$= We a&& ha3e %o%ents in &i6e that are a%aJin! "ut a &ot o6 &i6e is -onda$! Tuesda$! Wednesda$! Thursda$! Frida$! Saturda$! Saturda$! Sunda$! Sunda$! and "ac. to -onda$ a&& o3er aain= T*o *ee.s ao I stood in 6ront o6 ##0!888 peop&e in Vi%"a"*e preachin the 9ospe& o6 ;esus Christ and teachin the Word o6 9od= 9 od= It *as %$ "irthda$! "irthda$! and ##0!888 peop&e san )app$ Birthda$G to %e and that *as rather coo&= +esterda$ I *ent to the Taret store to "u$ ne* .itchen rus and then to the rocer$ store! "ut I can honest&$ sa$ that I en@o$ed Vi%"a"*e and the rocer$ store eua&&$= Vi%"a"*e *as a once ina&i6eti%e e3ent that *as e>citin! and one I *i&& ne3er 6oret! "ut ha3in another da$ to en@o$ 9od is
a&so e>citin! e3en i6 the da$ is spent doin errands= 9ods presence %a.es &i6e e>citin i6 *e ha3e a proper understandin o6 &i6e as a *ho&e= E3er$thin *e do is sacred i6 *e do it unto the Lord and *e "e&ie3e that )e is *ith us= As. $ourse&6 riht no* i6 $ou tru&$ "e&ie3e that 9od is *ith $ou= I6 $our ans*er is $es! @ust thin. a"out ho* a%aJin that is! and %$ uess is that $our en@o$%ent *i&& increase i%%ediate&$= I "e&ie3e the psa&%ist Da3id disco3ered the secret to enthusias%= enthusias%= )e si%p&$ decided and dec&ared! This is the da$ the Lord has %ade! I *i&& re@oice and "e &ad in it=G The I *i&&G sa$s it a&&= )e %ade a decision that produced the 6ee&ins he *anted rather than *aitin to see ho* he 6e&t= he Dalue Bf Bptimism
Opti%is% is an attitude *e can adopt that *i&& produce anticipation and @o$= Li3in *ith positi3e e>pectation is a &o3e&$ thin= Opti%is% ta.es a 3er$ ra$ da$ and paints it *ith "eauti6u& co&or= Anticipation and e>pectation *ait *ith an attitude that so%ethin ood is a"out to happen at an$ %o%ent= What are $ou e>pectin toda$ and to%orro*! or! 6or that %atter! *hat are $ou e>pectin out o6 &i6e' The psa&%ist Da3id said that he did not .no* *hat *ou&d ha3e "eco%e o6 hi% had he not "e&ie3ed that he *ou&d see the Lords oodness *hi&e he *as sti&& a&i3e see Psa&% #4:1(=
The 6ee&in or e%otion o6 anticipation is ood! so o ahead and e>pect 9od to sho* )i%se&6 stron on $our "eha&6= Anticipation is the opposite o6 hope&essness! and I persona&&$ "e&ie3e hope&essness is the *orst 6ee&in in the *or&d= We ha3e to ha3e a reason to et up each da$= )ope&ess peop&e "eco%e depressed= E3er$thin in their &i3es see%s dar. and &oo%$= &oo%$= 9od *ants us to &i3e in Technico&or= )is desire is to "e ood to us! "ut *e %ust "e e>pectin )is oodness in 6aith= So%e peop&e %iht thin. it hu%"&e to e>pect nothin! "ut I thin. it is un"i"&ica&= We dont deser3e an$thin! "ut 9od is ood and .ind and )e *ants to i3e i3e us ood o od thins an$*a$ an$*a$= Isaiah Isaia h (8:15 states that 9od is &oo.in to "e racious! to ha3e %erc$ and sho* &o3in.indness! and those *ho *ait 6or )i% to do that are "&essed indeed= What are $ou *aitin 6or' Are $ou a et out o6 "ed and see *hat happensG person' Or do $ou et up each da$ *ith an opti%istic 3ie* o6 anticipation! e>pectation! and @o$' Gela% 4nd o -ith he low
A 6ee&in o6 "ein re&a>ed is *onder6u&= Bein ner3ous! tense! and *orried is not *onder6u&! so *h$ arent %ore peop&e re&a>ed' ;esus said i6 *e are *ear$ and o3er"urdened! *e shou&d o to )i% and )e *i&& i3e us rest! re&a>ation! and ease see -att= 11:#5#7= ;esus *ants to teach us the riht *a$ to &i3e! *hich is di66erent 6ro% the *a$ %ost o6 the
*or&d &i3es= It *ou&d "e puttin it %i&d&$ to sa$ that I *as an uptiht *o%an 6or the 6irst ha&6 o6 %$ &i6e= I si%p&$ did not .no* ho* to re&a>! and it *as due to %$ not "ein *i&&in to co%p&ete&$ trust 9od= I trusted 9od 6or thins! "ut not in thins= I .ept tr$in to "e the one in contro&= E3en thouh 9od *as in the dri3ers seat o6 %$ &i6e! I .ept one hand on the *hee& @ust in case )e too. a *ron turn= Re&a>ation is i%possi"&e *ithout trust Da3e is the %ost re&a>ed indi3idua& I ha3e e3er %et= Part o6 it %a$ "e his 9odi3en te%pera%ent! "ut %ost o6 it is his 6aith in 9od= Da3e tru&$ "e&ie3es that no %atter *hat happens in our &i3es! 9od *i&& ta.e care o6 it! and that ena"&es hi% to re&a>= We ha3e e3en disco3ered that 9od can and *i&& 6i> our %ista.es and %a.e the% *or. 6or our ood i6 *e .eep pra$in and trustin )i%= A&& thins are possi"&e *ith 9od= I6 $ou .no* $ou cant 6i> the pro"&e% $ou ha3e! then *h$ not re&a> *hi&e 9od is *or.in on it' It sounds eas$! "ut it too. %an$ $ears 6or %e to "e a"&e to do this= I .no* 6ro% e>perience that the a"i&it$ to re&a> and o *ith the 6&o* in &i6e is dependent upon our *i&&inness to trust 9od co%p&ete&$= I6 thins dont o $our *a$! instead o6 "ein upset! $ou can "e&ie3e that ettin $our *a$ *as not *hat $ou needed= 9od .ne* that! so )e a3e $ou *hat *as "est 6or $ou! instead o6 *hat $ou *anted= The %inute
$ou do that! $our sou& and "od$ re&a>! and $ou *i&& "e a"&e to en@o$ &i6e= I6 $ou are *aitin %uch &oner than $ou had hoped to in so%e situation! $ou can et 6rustrated! anr$! and upset! or $ou can sa$! 9ods ti%in is per6ect? )e is ne3er &ate= And %$ steps are ordered "$ the Lord=G No* $ou can re&a> and si%p&$ o *ith the 6&o* o6 *hat is happenin in $our &i6e= O6 course there are thins *e need to resist! such as e3i& and the te%ptation to "eha3e in an unod&$ *a$= But *hen it co%es to thins that are out o6 our contro&! *e can either ruin the da$ or re&a> and en@o$ it *hi&e 9od is *or.in on the situation= As &on as *e "e&ie3e! 9od .eeps *or.in @loseness 4nd etachment
I "e&ie3e *e are created 6or connection= 9od *ants us to "e a"&e to connect *ith and 6ee& c&ose to other peop&e! *hich is one o6 the reat @o$s o6 &i6e= Sad&$! it can a&so "e a source o6 pain! %a.in it eas$ to "eco%e a&oo6 and detached= We thin. *e are protectin ourse&3es! "ut the pain o6 &one&iness and iso&ation is %uch *orse than the pain o6 re&ationship= I did not trust an$one a6ter 6i6teen $ears o6 "ein se>ua&&$ a"used "$ %$ 6ather and e>periencin un6aith6u&ness 6ro% %$ hus"and in %$ 6irst %arriae= -$ %otto *as! I6 $ou dont &et an$one into $our &i6e! the$ cannot hurt $ou=G It see%ed to *or.
6or a *hi&e! "ut then I rea&iJed I *as &one&$ and %issin a &ot in &i6e that cou&d "e en@o$ed on&$ *ith other peop&e= E3en thouh I *as *ith peop&e in %$ ho%e! at *or.! and at church! I ne3er rea&&$ entered in! "ut re%ained a&oo6 and detached= I participated on&$ i6 I cou&d "e in contro& o6 the situation! "ecause then I 6e&t sa6e= I a% sure that %an$ o6 $ou .no* e>act&$ *hat I a% ta&.in a"out= The a"i&it$ to connect *ith others cannot happen i6 one o6 the parties is tr$in to contro& the other= We are not created "$ 9od to "e contro&&ed? there6ore! *e *i&& a&*a$s resent it= E3entua&&$ peop&e et tired o6 "ein contro&&ed! and "ein to pre6er re&ationships *here the$ ha3e the 6reedo% to "e *ho the$ are and %a.e so%e o6 the decisions that need to "e %ade= I6 $ou ha3e a tendenc$ to *ant to contro& peop&e and situations so $ou dont et hurt! I stron&$ encourae $ou to i3e it up and &earn ho* to do re&ationships 9ods 9od s *a$= *a$= As I re* in %$ re&ationship *ith 9od! )e tauht %e that I needed to trust peop&e and "e 3u&nera"&e e3en thouh I *ou&d et hurt 6ro% ti%e to ti%e= )e pro%ised %e that *hen I *as hurt )e *ou&d hea& %e and ena"&e %e to o on and tr$ aain= I ha3e "een deep&$ hurt 6ro% ti%e to ti%e "$ peop&e I *as in re&ationship *ith! "ut I re6used to &et it %a.e %e "itter and suspicious= Lo3e %a.es a&&o*ances 6or the *ea.nesses and 6&a*s o6 others= Peop&e certain&$ are not per6ect! "ut in the end! the$ are *orth the e66ort= Fe* thins on earth co%pare to the @o$ and "ene6its
o6 a c&ose! connected re&ationship re&ationship *ith another a nother hu%an "ein= +ou +ou can 6ee& c&ose c&ose to peop&e peop&e i6 $ou *i&& choose choose to open $our heart to the% and i6 $ou are *i&&in to o throuh the di66icu&ties *e a&& encounter *hen de3e&opin ood re&ationships= I "e&ie3e that *hen *e ha3e a pro"&e% in a re&ationship "ut *e reso&3e to *or. throuh it! in the end the "ond is %ade c&oser than it *as "e6ore= Too %an$ peop&e i3e up at the 6irst hint o6 di66icu&t$= The$ ha3e reso&3ed to ne3er et hurt aain! and that decision pre3ents the% 6ro% the @o$ o6 c&ose 6riendships and inti%ac$ *ith their spouses and other 6a%i&$ %e%"ers= I *ant to stress aain that *e cannot ha3e c&oseness i6 *e are not *i&&in to o throuh so%e pain= Peop&e si%p&$ are not per6ect! and *e do %a.e %ista.es= It is the *i&&inness to 6ori3e and o on that %a.es re&ationships stron= The 6ee&in o6 "ein connected and c&ose to others de6inite&$ oes under the headin o6 9ood E%otions=G I .ne* a %an *ho ne3er in his &i6e a&&o*ed hi%se&6 to "e c&ose to an$one? he died &one&$! and no"od$ %isses hi%= That is a sad endin to a &i6e= )e %issed it a&& and doesnt et a doo3er do o3er== The Bi"&e sa$s that *e ha3e one opportunit$ to &i3e and then co%es @ud%ent see )e"= 7:#4! so I thin. *e shou&d tr$ to %a.e the one opportunit$ *e ha3e count=
he eaut" Bf
It is *onder6u& to 6ee& e%path$ 6or others *ho are hurtin! oppressed! or "ein %istreated in an$ *a$= I a"so&ute&$ hate to see peop&e hurtin *ith no one to he&p the%= 9od 6ee&s co%passion 6or and ta.es action to he&p those *ho are hurtin! and *e shou&d too= True co%passion "eins *ith a 6ee&in that "eco%es so intense it %o3es us to action= One o6 the s*eetest e>a%p&es o6 this "eha3ior too. p&ace at the Seatt&e Specia& O&$%pics in 1742= Nine $oun co%petitors! a&& %enta&&$ or ph$sica&&$ disa"&ed! asse%"&ed at the startin &ine 6or the 188 $ard dash= At the sound o6 the un! the$ a&& started runnin to*ard the 6inish &inea&& e>cept one &itt&e "o$! *ho stu%"&ed and 6e&& and "ean to cr$= One "$ one! the other chi&dren stopped and &oo.ed "ac.= Then each one o6 the% turned around! *a&.ed to*ard the &itt&e "o$! and athered around! co%6ortin hi%= A &itt&e ir& &eaned do*n and .issed his s.inned .nee! sa$in! This *i&& %a.e it "etter=G A&& nine chi&dren stood up! &in.ed ar%s! and *a&.ed to*ard the 6inish &ine toether= That da$ a stadiu% 6u&& o6 a"&e"odied spectators &earned a"out *hat rea&&$ %a.es us happ$= I "e&ie3e Satan is on a %ission to desensitiJe us to the pain other peop&e o throuh= It see%s that a&& *e hear on te&e3ision or read in the papers is a"out
so%e terri"&e thin so%eone has done to so%eone e&se= It has "eco%e so co%%onp&ace that *e can "e ui&t$ o6 not e3en pa$in %uch attention to it= Da3e re%e%"ers *hen the 6irst paper"o$ *as ro""ed in St= Louis *here *e &i3e= )e said the entire cit$ *as shoc.ed that such a thin cou&d happen= No*! "ecause o6 such e>tre%e 3io&ence! a paper"o$ "ein ro""ed *ou&dnt e3en "e *orth$ o6 %entionin in the ne*s= he anger Bf ecoming 6ard>6earted I will give them one heart #a new heart$ and a nd I will put a new spirit within them' and I will take the ston" #unnaturall" hardened$ heart out of their flesh, and will give them a heart of flesh #sensitive and responsive to the touch of their od$. (
This scripture %eans a &ot to %e "ecause I *as a hardhearted person due to the a"use I had su66ered in the ear&ier $ears o6 %$ &i6e= This Bi"&e 3erse a3e %e hope that I cou&d chane= 9od i3es us thins in seed 6or% and *e %ust *or. *ith the )o&$ Spirit to "rin the% to 6u&& %aturit$= This is %uch &i.e the 6ruit o6 the Spirit! *hich is in us "ut needs to "e *atered *ith 9ods Word and de3e&oped throuh use= As "e&ie3ers in ;esus! *e ha3e tender hearts! "ut *e
can "eco%e hardhearted i6 *e are not care6u& in this area= I 6ind that ta.in the ti%e to rea&&$ thin. a"out *hat peop&e are oin throuh in their particu&ar situations he&ps %e to ha3e co%passion= ;esus *as %o3ed "$ co%passion! and *e shou&d "e a&so= -o3ed to pra$! or he&p in so%e *a$= E%path$ is a "eauti6u& e%otion and than.6u&&$ one *e dont ha3e to resist Lets &earn to resist e3i& e%otions that poison our &i3es and e%"race those *e can en@o$ and that *i&& "rin &or$ to 9od= E%otions are a i6t 6ro% 9od? in 6act! the$re a &are part o6 *hat %a.es us hu%an= Without the%! &i6e *ou&d "e du&&! and *ed "e &i.e ro"ots= Because Because e%otions are a 3u&nera"&e part o6 us! Satan see.s to ta.e ad3antae and %a.e *hat 9od intended to "e a ood thin into an e3i& thin= I &i.e to tr$ to i%aine a&& the en@o$a"&e e%otions that Ada% and E3e had in the arden prior to a&&o*in sin to enter the *or&d= I a% sure it *as *onder6u& indeed= But *hen the$ 6e&& into sin! their e%otions 6e&& *ith the%= ;esus has redee%ed e3er$ part o6 us! inc&udin our e%otions= It %ust ha3e "een *onder6u& to ne3er e>perience ui&t! 6ear! hatred! @ea&ous$! or *orr$to not e3en ha3e to resist an$ o6 the u&$ e%otions *e dea& *ith toda$= But e3en thouh *e ha3e to resist those e%otions! *e can sti&& "e 6ree 6ro% the% throuh ;esus Christ= 9ods desire is that $ou en@o$ the &i6e )e has
pro3ided 6or $ou! and that is i%possi"&e to do un&ess $ou &earn ho* to contro& $our 6ee&ins instead o6 &ettin the% contro& $ou= With 9ods he&p! $ou can do it
S/99ESTED S/99ESTED READIN9 Wh$ +ou Act the Wa$ +ou Do! Ti% La)a$e! Li3in Boo.s! 1755= SpiritContro&&ed Te%pera%ent! Ti% La)a$e! T$nda&e )ouse! 177,= +our +our Persona&it$ Persona&it$ Tree: Disco3er Disco3er the Rea& Rea& +ou +ou B$ /nco3erin the Roots o6 +our Persona&it$ Tree! F&orence Littauer! Tho%as Ne&son Pu"&ishers! 1757= Persona&it$ P&us: )o* to /nderstand Others "$ /nderstandin +ourse&6! F&orence Littauer! Re3e&&! 177#= The Treasure Tree: )e&pin Mids /nderstand Their Persona&it$! Persona&it$! 9ar$ 9 ar$ and Nor%a S%a&&e$ ;ohn and a nd Cind$ Trent! Tho%as Ne&son! 1775= +our +our Spiritua& Persona&it$: Persona&it$: /sin /sin the Strenths Strenths o6 o6 +our +our Persona&it$ Persona&it$ to Deepen Deepen +our +our Re&ationship Re&ationship *ith *ith 9od! -arita Littauer! ;ohn Wi&e$ Sons! #88,= 9od&$ Persona&ities: 9ro*in Spiritua&&$ in +our Created Persona&it$ T$pe! Roer Dee%er! Deep Ri3er Pu"&ishers! #811= Wired That Wa$: The Co%prehensi3e Persona&it$ P&an! Dr= -arita Littauer! Rea& Boo.s epu"! #882=
ABO/T T)E A/T)OR
;O+CE ;O+CE -E+ER! one o6 the *or&ds &eadin &eadin practica& practica& Bi"&e teachers! has "een teachin the Word o6 9od since 1742 and has "een in 6u&&ti%e %inistr$ % inistr$ since 1758= A X1 Ne* +or. Ti%es "estse&&in author! she has *ritten near&$ ninet$ inspirationa& "oo.s! inc&udin Po*er Thouhts! 188 Wa$s to Si%p&i6$ +our Li6e! the entire Batt&e6ie&d o6 the -ind 6a%i&$ o6 "oo.s! her 6irst 3enture into 6iction *ith The Penn$! and %an$ others= She has a&so re&eased thousands o6 audio teachins! as *e&& as a co%p&ete 3ideo &i"rar$= ;o$ces ;o$ces En@o$in En@o$in E3er$da$ E3er$da$ Li6e radio and and te&e3ision te&e3ision prora%s are "roadcast around the *or&d! and she tra3e&s e>tensi3e&$ conductin con6erences= ;o$ce and her hus"and! Da3e! are the parents o6 6our ro*n chi&dren and %a.e their ho%e in St= Louis! -issouri=
