Ho H o T
Keep It Simple Stupid
Sma S malll Ta lk With Anyone Anytime Anywhere
Small Talk: The ability to carry a conversation in social situations. We talk all day to our friends, our neighbors, our co-workers, our relatives, and it comes so easily, yet many of us are scared to death of small talk in social situations. The truth is we often do our best to avoid attending events and gatherings where we are forced to socialize with people that we don't know. But by avoiding these situations, we keep ourselves from reaching our goals -- a better job, new friends, meaningful relationships. If you struggle with small talk, you are not alone. The fear of social conversation has reached epidemic proportions.
BIG FEAR FROM SMALL TALK
You may be surprised at how many people avoid small talk situations. Even those who appear condent, outgoing and successful often have secret fears of carrying on a conversation with people they don't know. Consider these real life examples - you may see yourself in these people's stories. Convention Cocktail Terror -- Bill attends a business convention, a national gathering of the best and brightest in his industry. He enjoys sitting through the seminars and presentations to soak in an amazing amount of new ideas and useful information. But then it's time for the dreaded cocktail hour, which strikes terror in his heart. Bill does his best to avoid it, timing his arrival right as the doors open for dinner. Others even have a physical reaction - their blood pressure rises, hearts palpitate, or 'op sweat' strikes where they begin to sweat uncontrollably. While many see the cocktail hour as a time to network and further their careers, those with a big fear of small talk leave the reception early because they feel out of place with nothing to say. Spouse's Business Function Fight -- It's a yearly battle for Greta. " I don't want to go to your company Christmas party!" Her husband refuses to go, and he's just one of millions who search for any excuse to skip their signicant other's business functions. Everyone sits around and talks about jobs and people and an industry that you know nothing about and frankly, have very little interest in. You feel like the odd man out, left to create small talk with the other spouses who are just as miserable to be there. I know one college professor who never attends his wife's business events, even though she's a vice-president of a 150 million dollar company. Another real-life example is an employee who just retired from a company after 22 years. His wife did not attend his retirement party and never attended any awards banquet or holiday party because she hates the 'pressure-to-perform' that these social events bring on. Date Night Fright -- Alex chooses to stay home and cuddle up with a good book and her cat, instead of agreeing to a date where she might nd her dream man to cuddle up with. The whole dating scene is fraught with small talk fear, as much as the business world. If you are small talk challenged and you nd your date is small talk challenged, then you're in for a long evening of deadly silence and long pauses.
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THE BIRTH OF SMALL TALK FEAR
The fear of small talk is a learned response. Think of your favorite 5-year-old. Do they have trouble talking to anyone? Usually it's the other way around - it's hard to get them to stop talking. We teach them about 'Stranger Danger' so they will stop talking to everyone they see in the store and on the street. But somewhere between the age of 5 and adulthood a change comes over us. It happens when we start worrying about what others think of us. "I'm not smart enough." "I'm not pretty enough." "I'm not athletic enough." "I'm too fat." "I'm too skinny." We all have hang-ups and inadequacy complexes that lead to fear of being judged by others. The amazing thing is that the feeling is universal. It's not just the 'losers' who worry about tting in. I once had a starlit dinner at a 5-star resort along the river in Bangkok with a truly beautiful woman - a blue-eyed blonde with an angellic face, a Texas beauty who grew up as a cheerleader and part of the 'popular' crowd in high school. The words she shared with me over dinner could have come from the mouth of the nerdiest, overweight, tuba-playing, chess club champion that people pick on. "I never felt like I t in," she said. "I didn't think I was pretty or that people really liked me." These insecurities, dating back to our youth, are the root of the fear of small talk. Most people's conversational concerns can be summed up like this -- "I don't know what to say, so I'm going to look like an idiot and everyone there won't like me."
THERE IS HOPE!
The good news is that you can be great at small talk with very little effort. No longer do you have to be ruled by your fears and small talk phobias. Wouldn't you like to be the person who walks in and lights up the room, owing effortlessly from group to group where you delight everyone with your wit and wisdom? If you can imagine that, you can do it. All it takes is to know the secrets of small talk success. It's not a talent you had to be born with. In fact, you already have the number one item necessary to make small talk successfully -- a voice! All we need to do is to give you some words to say. Before we dive into the small talk strategies that will make you a successful and powerful small talker, let's imagine what this skill will mean for your life. Business - The most important tool for career enhancement is the ability to network making contacts with others in business who can help you accomplish your goals. The old saying, "It's who you know, not what you know" is so true in the business world. When you're comfortable with your ability to small talk, the convention cocktail hour becomes a career-building networking gold mine. Meet new people, reach for the stars, make new business connections and reach for the stars in your career.
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Party - No more miserable dates. Let me say that again -- no more miserable dates. Now don't get me wrong, that blind date may be the number one loser in the world (not to be judgemental, but isn't that what dating's all about?), but you won't have to suffer through another evening of silence. Even if your date is small talk challenged, you'll know how to keep the conversation moving. Relationships - When you're skilled at making small talk, even friendships blossom. The more you talk with each other, the acquaintance you have will grow into a true friendship. "Let's go get a cup of coffee" won't require an excuse anymore to avoid it. You'll go and get to grow your friendship, plus you'll nd yourself attracting new friends. That person you see everyday but barely say "hi"; the person you workout next to at the gym; and even the co-worker you hardly ever speak to. They're all candidates to become a close friend.
HOW TO SMALL TALK BRILLIANTLY
Now that you realize you don't have to live in fear of small talk, and that life would be richer and fuller if you were an ace small talker, it's time to get your training started. And here's the best part - there is no cost, it's totally FREE! I'm going to give you the guaranteed key to success right here, right now. No "order before midnight tonight" or "3 DVD set" that you have to buy. Successful small talk ability starts with this one basic truth...
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People like to talk about themselves. <<<<<<
There it is. The golden nugget of wisdom and key to successful small talk. If you can get them to talk about their opinions, likes, dislikes, dreams, history, and any other detail about themselves, they will walk away thinking that you are really a great person who is fun to talk to. I realize this may not be the foundation of a solid relationship, but we're just trying to get you through that cocktail party or the rst date. Things can build from there, if y ou want them to.
HOW TO MAKE SMALL TALK HAPPEN
This secret makes your life so much easier. No longer do you need to feel pressured to be an expert on sports, world travel, the economy and an encyclopedia of other useless information. All you need to be armed with is 3 questions and a joke. You ask your questions which are cleverly designed to get them talking about their opinions. Once that conversation has run its course, you tell your joke and move on to the next person and start again. Before you know it, the event is over and all the attendees are walking away talking about how fun it was to talk to you.
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Of course if you’re just ring off questions like a police detective, it becomes an inter rogation and not an enjoyable conversation. Do a little preparation and you’ll be ready to talk with anyone, anywhere, anytime. Here’s some steps that will get you ready for an evening of small talk. • Rehearse your introduction in your head before you ever talk with someone. In business they call this the ‘elevator pitch’ where you’ve condensed the important points into a quick speech that you could deliver during the length of time of an elevator ride. You’re trying to sell yourself, so think about what your opening lines might be. • Keep up on current events either on-line or off-line so you can talk about what’s hap pening in your community and the world. • Become an active LISTENER to hear what people say instead of planning your next line. By listening and responding, you build an actual meaningful conversation. • Small talk starts small, then you can build to talk about your ideas to change the world. •
Ask questions that feel natural, not ones that seem forced or out of place.
• The real secret to conversation success are interesting stories. Not inappropriate or annoying stories about how your Aunt has a ruptured spleen, but fun and engaging stories. • Talk about things that relate to the moment -- the event you’re at, the hosts you’re with, the weather outside -- anything about the here and now that your conversational partner is also experiencing.
It’s important to remember that most people are nice and would welcome an engaging conversation with you. Perhaps the best advice you can hear is to RELAX. If you are at ease and enjoying the moment, conversation will come much more easily. Take the attitude of the old saying that there are no strangers, just friends you haven’t met yet. With that mindset, you will enter a room condently and may actually enjoy an evening of smalltalk. To be prepared any day to make small talk, subscribe to www.SmallTalkDaily.com to receive a daily brieng of small talk content. When you’re ready to talk, you may start looking for opportunities to perfect your small talk! Now say ‘hello’ and start your small talkin’...!!!
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CONVERSATION QUESTION IDEAS
Here are a variety of great small talk conversation questions that we have collected from around the internet. Arm yourself with a variety of questions on a variety of topics, and you’ll be ready to talk to anyone about anything, anytime! 1. Hello, how are you? 2. Hi, what have you been up to since I last saw you? 3. Good to nally meet you, how have you been?
4. What line of work are you in? 5. Do you have kids? 6. Where are you from? 7. Where did you grow up? 8. Hey, crazy weather we’ve been having. 9. What’s your most embarrassing moment? 10. What’s your favorite song? 11. What were your life changing moments? 12. First girlfriend/boyfriend? 13. Where was your rst kiss?
14. What is the dumbest thing you have ever done? 15. Have you ever been arrested? 16. Political afliation?
17. Have you voted for someone you wished you hadn’t? 18. Have you used drugs? 19. Do you like to shop? 20. What’s your best way to relax? 21. Favorite thing to do alone?
22. Ever had a one night stand? 23. Do you save money? 24. What hobbies to you spend money on? 25. If you found a $100 what would you do? 26. Do you want children/more children? 27. Are you a good parent? 28. What makes a good parent? 29. Are you romantic? 30. Ever loose a pet? 31. Dogs or cats? 32. Pets growing up? 33. So you sleep in the nude? 34. What’s your favorite midnight snack? 35. Do you exercise? 36. Did you ever see your parents making love? 37. Peanut butter and what? 38. What is one food you will never give up? 39. What is a food you can live without? 40. Favorite drink? 41. Perfect day? 42. How many cds do you own? 43. How many dvds to you own? 44. Favorite thing to spend money on? 45. What is the weirdest thing about you? 46. What is on your bedside table?
47. Are you cheap or thrifty? 48. Ever been in love with 2 people at the same time? 49. Grades in high school? 50. Favorite teacher? 51. Relatives in jail? 52. Toppings on pizza? 53. Black or white? 54. Glass half full or half empty? 55. Ever been to a food shelf? 56. Ever milked a cow? 57. Ever tipped a cow? 58. Bath or shower? 59. Mountains or the beach? 60. Plane, train or automobile? 61. Favorite all time movie? 62. Worse movie you have ever seen? 63. Best concert you have been to? 64. Beer, wine or coffee? 65. Best vacation? 66. If you could retire tomorrow what would you do? 67. Worse vacation? 68. Three places you would love to visit? 69. Worse boss? 70. If you could do anything what would it be? 71. Super powers you wish you had?
72. Ever had a massage? 73. Ideal romantic dinner? 74. Dumbest purchase you ever made? 75. Where did you nd money when you were at broke?
76. Ever sold blood? 77. What sporting event/concert/entertainment would you buy tickets to regardless of price? 78. Ever hit a jackpot on a slot machine? 79. Ever won the lottery? 80. What would you do with your lottery winnings? 81. Are you a neat freak? 82. Can’t stand being around people who_________? 83. What’s your lucky number? 84. What was your best job? 85. What were your worst jobs? 86. Ever had a crush on a member of the same sex? 87. Pet peeves? 88. Most annoying habit? 89. Sexiest parts of a member of the opposite sex? 90. Major turn offs? 91. Tattoos? 93. Piercings? 94. Plastic surgery–would you/have you? 95. Computer geek? 96. Trekee? 97. Play an instrument?
98. Been in a band? 99. Favorite entertainer? 100. How old do you want to live to? 101. Would you rather lose your sight or hearing? 102. Do you prefer crowds or small groups? 103. Tell me about your best friend 99 ways to start a conversation with someone you like ♥♥
104. Tell me all the places you worked 105. Have you got any scars? 106. What was your rst car?
107. Who’s your favorite movie star? 108. What’s your favourite midnight snack? 109. What was the worst purchase you ever made? 110. What did you like best about high school? 111. What reality show would you go on and why? 112. What is the most embarrassing CD you have in your collection? 113. Have you travelled much? Where? What was it like? 114. Which country would like to visit? 115. Do you have any brothers or sisters? Younger or older? 116. Who is the most famous person you have met? 117. Do you ever have breakfast foods for snacks? 118. What do you think about ….? 119. What TV shows do you enjoy? 120. What’s the one movie you watch over and over? 121. What was your rst job, and what was it like?
122. You are stuck on a deserted Island, and you can only take 3 things. What would they be?
123. You can only eat 5 different foods for the rest of your life, what are they? 124. You can only listen to 3 CD’s for the rest of your life, what are they? 125. You are stuck in a cabin for 2 years, what 5 movies would you take with you? 126. If you could pick anyone, which three people would you invite to your dinner party? 127. If your life was made into a movie, what would it be called? 128. If you wrote a book, what would it be about? 129. Do you have any pets? 130. Are you a cat or dog person? 131. What’s your favourite song of all time? 132. What was your rst concert?
133. Where did you grow up? 134. What’s the one place you want to visit on vacation? 135. What do you do when you aren’t working? 136. What did you do last weekend? 137. What type of work are you in? Why did you choose that career path? 138. Hi, have you been here before? 139. Did you have to travel far? 140. Where do you work? How long have you worked there? 141. How was your day? 142. Do you know many people here? 143. What type of music do you like? 144. What TV shows/movies do watch? 145. How do you typically enjoy the weekends? 146. What sports do you play or follow? 147. What’s your favourite hobby?
