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Contents An introduction to the world of advanced seduction Preparation: •
The Double ‘A’ Understructure: Appearance & Attitude…………………………….3
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Body Language Basics: A recap of the most vital types of non-verbal communication associated with seduction………………………………………………8
Scoping: •
Advanced Scoping………………………………………………………………………………13
Approach/Opening: •
Advanced Proximity Principles………………………………………….....................19
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Maintaining Control and Creating Mystery by Withholding Personal Information………………………………………………………………………………………24
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Time Limitation………………………………………………………………………………….26
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Three Examples of How To Make Introductions/Openers Feel Spontaneous, Natural and Unrehearsed…………………………………………31
Conversation: •
Advanced Wingman/Wingwoman Info…………………………………………………39
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Floor-sharing principle……………………………………………………………………….43
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Stealth Tactility…………………………………………………………………………………44
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Deflection Theory………………………………………………………………………………46
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Time Breaks………………………………………………………………………………………48
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Dynamic Exhibitions…………………………………………………………………………..51
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Advanced Target Isolation………………………………………………………………….54
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Mirroring…………………………………………………………………………………………..56
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Third-Parties……………………………………………………………………………………..59
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Playing with Internal Consistency……………………………………………….………61
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Advanced Anchoring……………………………………………………………………..……63
Closing/Call-to-Action: •
The Add-on Principle, a.k.a. The Power of ‘So’ and ‘Because’………………….65
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Power of Yes………………………………………………………………………………..……66
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Option Limitation……………………………………………………………………………….67
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The Contact Close………………………………………………………………………………68
Your Roadmap to Seduction Success •
Stage One: Preparation & All of the ‘P’s’……………………………………….………69
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Stage Two: Selection and Application…………………………………………………..71
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Preface Welcome to you, a valued GuyGetsGirl.com member, to this advanced book on how to find, attract and seduce women using powerful psychological principles.
My name is John and I’ve teamed up with the original writer of the GuyGetsGirl.com ebooks you already have access to, written by Tiffany Taylor, to create a never-beforeseen book containing a refined collection of the most effective and useable advanced methods of building rapport and sexual chemistry between yourself and any woman you take a liking to, regardless of where you see her, who she’s with, or any of the other obstacles that stop most men from having the kind of success that’s now available to you.
You may have heard a little about some of the techniques we’re about to cover elsewhere, perhaps in some of the starter or intermediate level stuff you’ve already no doubt read, but nevertheless, we’re going to dissect the subject of advanced seduction step by step and uncover what truly works and what definitely does not. It’s the most powerful method of picking-up women in the world, so without further ado, let’s get started…
An introduction to the world of advanced seduction
The most common method of picking up women - which you’ll see across continents, countries and cities all over the world – basically consists of trial and error. A guy approaches a girl on a whim or strikes up a conversation almost by accident and they chew the fat for a few minutes, then – almost as a hopeful afterthought - he might ask the chick for her number or request to meet with her again.
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Or, the way things usually go, he’ll wish he could take things further, but won’t know how to tackle the daunting and potentially humiliating task of posing the question: “Shall we get together?” And by the time he’s got his thoughts collected and mustered up the guts to pop the question, he’s staring at the tail end of the hot girl, who’s swiftly walking away, out of his life. She’s slipped through his fingers.
What most men don’t realise, though, is that their chances of hooking up with beautiful women are determined way before they enter that bar, club, store or park. And that’s where advanced seduction techniques come in.
First, you need to know how any successful pick-up takes place. In essence, it’s a clever balance of psychology and social influence. Without even knowing it, that guy who’s somehow just scored with the leggy blonde cheerleader-type in the corner seating area of the club has manipulated her mood and emotions by enacting subtle forms of psychology and sociology. He doesn’t know how the Hell he managed it, but he’s played the girl just right and she, consequently, finds him massively attractive. Like most men, though, he’s still entered into a type of lottery, because no matter how naturally charming or physically good-looking he is, he’s not consciously aware of the specific techniques it takes to seduce and successfully pick up an attractive woman. And this is why you have the advantage, because analyzing the ins and outs and how’s and why’s of what a successful pick-up involves, and packaging it into a system that you can use on a repeatable basis, is the absolute best way of being consistently successful with women. And that’s what this right here is: a refined collection of the best advanced seduction techniques. They’re the methods successful seducers constantly use without ever realising how it is they’re using them.
Before we get into the meat and potatoes of these advanced pick-up methods, it’s important we briefly cover the Double ‘A’ Understructure. It’s the best way of making sure you can walk before you can run.
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The Double ‘A’ Understructure: Appearance & Attitude
A well-built house has solid, unshakeable foundations. The same applies with seduction; it’s vital you have the fundamentals firmly in place before venturing into the wide world of pretty women with an armoury of advanced seduction techniques. If you don’t prepare properly, their effectiveness is massively reduced. Okay, so what is the Double ‘A’ Understructure? In essence, it’s properly covering the core bases of personal presentation, in both your appearance and attitude. It’s not rocket science by any means, but for whatever reason, the Double ‘A’ Understructure, or what that name represents, is something commonly disregarded or ignored by many men – and consequently it’s the lack of the Understructure that ultimately lets them down when they try to pick-up women using intermediate or advanced seduction principles.
Okay, let’s jump right in. The sooner we cover these fundamentals, the sooner we can take an in-depth look at the more advanced psychological seduction techniques.
Appearance
Controlling the way you look, smell and sound during everyday life is vitally important if you want to appear attractive to women. Your physical appearance, I.E., your face, body type, etc. DO NOT matter nearly as much to the female population as the type of clothes you wear, the cologne you use and the shoes you walk in. The reason for this lies in a simple word, a word you’ll hear time and time again when reading about the kind of seduction principles that actually work. It is control. Women subconsciously place more value in a man that has control over the things around him than a guy who appears to have little to no say over the way he’s perceived or treated. Sure, a guy who got lucky
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with his genes, who happens to look like Brad Pitt or George Clooney (or whoever else is flavour of the month) is going to get stared at and admired by women. But the man who can earn admiration and respect because of the choices he makes (I.E. how he chooses to present himself in both his appearance and attitude) will always, always, always be given respect by those around him – men and women. With respect comes social value. With social value comes personal worth. And it’s personal worth coupled with social value (the fact that men and women respect and look up to your dominant presence) that leads to attraction in the minds of the opposite sex. But remember, this is an Understructure we’re talking about here. Dressing well alone won’t secure you any more female attention than it will the guy down the street. But it is, nevertheless, a fundamental you need to have in place. Then, and only then, can you create an edge over your competition by using the kind of advanced psychology they’ve never even heard of, let alone actually used to seduce women. Follow the 4 rules of positive appearance below to ensure you have in place the fundamental base I’ve just described.
1. Women are social creatures by their very nature. They look to popular trends and contemporary public preferences much more than most men. So, give them something to notice and find attractive in the clothes you wear. Look at popular current style magazines for a good idea of what’s considered fashionable and trendy and follow suit yourself. Unless you really want to create a wacky or individual style that could possibly help attract women to you out of curiosity, don’t push the boat out too far. Go for a balance of smart/casual gear with clean lines and only one bright colour per outfit.
2. These days women love telling men what they think they’re doing wrong when it comes to choosing clothes and generally presenting themselves. Something that’s pointed out really frequently by women, especially if you’ve made the mistake of asking, is the kind of shoes you wear. Now, what goes on our feet really doesn’t make any difference in the big scheme of things, but enough women have told enough other women that our footwear is an accurate representation of our personalities, so –
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ironically – it now can make a bit of a difference. So, avoid getting caught out by a girl (or, more often, the girl you’re hitting on’s loyal friend who’s judging you on her behalf) by wearing clean shoes that match your outfit. It doesn’t matter who they’re made by or how much they cost. A good-looking pair of black shoes is enough to dissuade any picky girl from dismissing you simply based on your choice of footwear.
3. The principles above, of not giving a girl the opportunity to criticize the choices you’ve made when it comes to presenting yourself, apply to your hair as well. It might sound dull or obvious, but it’s true. If you don’t want to worry about getting and maintaining a nutty haircut that’ll draw crowds from the next town, just keep it simple and neat. Your real power and influence is in the techniques you’ll use to psychologically and subconsciously create rapport and attraction between yourself and the girl, so avoid putting them off before you have a chance to unleash your array of advanced material by going to the hairdressers when it’s necessary and shaving in whatever way is right to make your face look its very best.
4. Lastly, the way you smell. Choose a cologne/aftershave that compliments you and your appearance and that doesn’t assault the senses of whoever’s nearby. For example, just a touch of ‘Aquaman’ by Rochas, or Joop!’s ‘Nightflight’ (for a refreshing, subtle fragrance) on your neck and wrists is enough. The most effective way of using cologne is as a pleasant surprise to the girl when you lean in to hear her better, or step forward towards her to let someone walk behind you – not as a force of nature that’d knock over a member of the Russian women’s ice hockey team at 50 paces.
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Attitude
Having the correct attitude is usually what separates men who try and successfully seduce women but quickly give up, from the guys out there that try, persevere and succeed – time and time again – at hooking up with really attractive girls with fun personalities.
Before I lay out the basic rules, it’s important you understand what kind of attitude we’re talking about. Boiled right down, your attitude is your outlook on yourself, other people (both the women you seek and the men that make up the competition) and the situations you find yourself in. So, attitude - in the sense we’re focussing on - isn’t how you act or behave, it is how you think and understand.
1. Proper Perspective. The first thing to realise and always bear in mind is that having the right kind of outlook on the ‘game’ of seduction, and your overall success with women, is really important and directly relates to how successful you will ultimately be with the ladies. So, always try to avoid the goal of being a master seducer from becoming your main, unchanging focus. Because men whose lives revolve around studying, practising and obsessing over the game of seduction usually tend to lose out not too far down the road. Instead, keep a relaxed attitude towards the whole thing. Make improving your ability with women just another one of your hobbies. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try hard to practice and perform pick-up techniques, though, just that doing so should never take over your life and subsequently destroy your chances of being successful.
So, stay focussed but at the same time relaxed and calm about improving your overall ability with women. Doing so, as you’ll soon discover, actually tends to help your
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chances and boost your abilities – because there’s nothing more attractive to a woman than a guy who does things effortlessly.
2. Playing the numbers game. Just for a minute, imagine yourself as a brand, a product, as a commodity. If you don’t properly expose yourself and what you have to offer to your target market (which is women), you can never, ever expect to be have success with them. As such, you HAVE to play the numbers game. To guys just starting out, this can seem a little daunting, but as they, and we all, come to realise, it’s a vital part of the process. Luckily, it’s a pretty simple set of principles.
A. Even when you have the advantage of knowing advanced seduction techniques (which we’ll look at soon), you still have to actually use them to be successful. Makes basic sense when you put it like that, but you wouldn’t believe how many men learn the science behind effortless seduction but never make the effort to go out there and actually do it. They assume that women will flock to them like moths to a flame, but they don’t and won’t. So, play the game and make a conscious and consistent effort to go out there and use what you’ve learnt and are yet to learn. Put it into practice by setting aside certain hours of certain days/evenings as specific times when you’ll have a go at building rapport and attraction with at least five different women. If five’s too many at first, do one, then three, then five.
B. The kind of practice described above is most useful when analyzed afterwards. You don’t need to draw graphs or do advanced calculations to know what went down well and what didn’t, or to see where and what you need to practice more and the things you already do well. So, after each night – whether you were successful or not – think about what happened and mentally note what you need to improve on and also pat yourself on the back for the things you did well. Most guys don’t have the balls to try the things you do, which is why the super-low level of success most guys have with women really comes as no surprise.
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3. Staying Positive. Lastly and maybe most importantly, always try to stay upbeat and positive. Doing so not only helps keep you motivated (which is how any kind of success tends to come about) but also rubs off on the girls you meet. Your positivity and carefree attitude is picked up on and therefore helps boost your value in their mind and create an attraction for you in their subconscious.
Let’s move on now with a look at some body language basics. By recapping on the kinds of body language most commonly associated with seduction (both relating to you and the girls), you’ll be in the most advantageous position when learning the advanced techniques detailed later and, of course, when you’re out playing – and winning – turf wars with other guys who don’t know squat when it comes to reading a woman’s mind by analysing the way she uses her body.
Body Language Basics: A Power Recap
I’m not going to bore you with the history of non-verbal communication, or the generalisations most people assume are grounded in truth but in fact couldn’t be further from it. We’re going to run through the bare essentials, the things you really ought to know back to front if you always want to be sure of what women are thinking and feeling and simultaneously how you are representing yourself through the silent message you constantly transmit through the way you stand, sit and move.
First, the two broad categories that together form a massive side of non-verbal communication: closed body language & open body language.
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Closed Body Language
As you already know, people subconsciously let slip what they’re feeling and thinking through external movements of their bodies. Everyone does this, all day, every day. By looking out for special types of non-verbal communication, we men can get a good idea of what women want (or think they want) and also how they feel about what they’re experiencing at any given time. Closed body language is used when people feel uncomfortable, on-edge or intimidated by the situation they’re in and/or the person or persons they’re interacting with. Here are the key types of closed body language:
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Body orientation. In conversation, the way we face the person we’re talking to can often give a good indication of how we feel about them and the discussion in general. Facing the other person head-on/directly shows we’re comfortable with them, whereas orientating our bodies away from them, at an angle, is usually a strong indication that we’re feeling uncomfortable, disinterested or bored – or even a combination of all 3. When playing the seduction game, body orientation can be used to tell both how a girl is feeling before you approach them, during and after you’ve interacted, and as a method of psychological persuasion on your part (we’ll cover this later).
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Defence signals.
Another way people subconsciously show that they’re anxious,
uncomfortable or just silently wishing someone would get lost, is through the use of defence signals. These take two forms: object defence signals and body defence signals. The first involves using a prop of some sort to put up a defensive wall between yourself and the person you feel negatively/neutrally towards. A great example of an object defence signal, that you’re likely to see repeatedly while doing pick-ups, is when people hold their drinks in front of their chests while standing around talking. Body defence signals, on the other hand, are used when a prop isn’t able to be found or when people are too nervous to hide their anxiousness
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effectively. A couple of the most common body defence signals are the ‘self-hug’, which is when someone will hold one arm with the other in a sort of one-armed, loose embrace. Or, there’s always the old classic: crossed arms. However, most people these days are well aware of how crossed arms are interpreted by onlookers (as a sign of defence) so typically use other defence signals subconsciously instead, such as object defence signals and the one-armed self-hug. Bear this in mind when you’re analyzing how women are feeling by looking at their physical body language. Lastly, there’s fiddling with things. It’s vital you can tell the difference between fiddling due to nerves and fiddling as a method of silent flirtation. For now, simply remember that any fiddling that helps form an invisible barrier (such as playing with a shirt button or twiddling a zipper by reaching across their body) is a good indicator of nerves and anxiousness.
The key-points to remember about closed body language are:
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People exhibit closed body language when they feel uneasy, anxious or disinterested by the company of whoever they’re speaking to – it’s vitally important the opposite exists (I.E. they’re exhibiting open body language) before any kind of actual seduction is attempted.
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You can manipulate your own use of body language to create a feeling of tenseness or neutrality in the mind of the female or, conversely, a sense of relaxation and comfort. We’ll cover this technique in the Advanced Proximity Principles section a little later.
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Open Body Language
Open body language, as you’ve no doubt already guessed, is the opposite of closed. It’s used when people feel happy to be in the company of a man or woman, or group of people, and when there’s no reason (in the subconscious mind of a person) to feel intimated or otherwise defensive. Your goal, and what you should look out for while in conversation with a girl you’d like to pick-up, is for her to exhibit positive, open body language. Things like:
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A lack of defence signals. She’s not holding her drink in front of her nervously. She isn’t crossing her arms or using one arm to subconsciously comfort herself. She isn’t fiddling with an object and creating an invisible barrier between you and herself.
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Strong eye-contact. Eye contact indicates someone’s interested in the person they’re holding their gaze with. They’re looking to them for information, to interact, to converse. A lack of eye contact indicates the opposite, that there’s a lack of interest or slight sense of intimidation or threat.
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Female-specific open body language. Women do special things to indicate that they’re comfortable in the company of the man they’re talking to. Exposing vulnerable parts of their body (which harks back to caveman times), such as showing the inner part of their wrists or exposing their necks (by tilting their heads to one side and perhaps flicking their hair) are both strong and commonly used examples of female-specific open body language. You’ll use these later…
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Body symmetry and mirroring. We automatically subconsciously mirror someone’s body language when we like and get along with them. We do the opposite unconsciously choose not to emulate the actions of the other person - when we don’t like or feel attracted to them, or don’t feel we know them well enough to mirror their
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actions and behaviour. The best way of using body symmetry in seduction involves looking out for it in the female (I.E. checking if she’s mirroring what you’re doing) and by artificially inhibiting and in turn encouraging body symmetry yourself. We’ll cover both later by looking at some specific, advanced mirroring techniques.
Okay, so far we’ve covered how your chances with the ladies aren’t determined on the dance floor, or at the bar or bookstore, but instead much earlier - by your knowledge of advanced psychological seduction techniques. You’ve also learnt that having an Understructure, consisting of the correct attitude and appearance is a vital and fundamental component of seduction success. And, finally, we’ve had a power recap of the core types of body language associated with the pick-up game, the most useful and influential forms of non-verbal communication.
Let’s now move into the advanced material – the intricate, specially designed techniques that give you the psychological edge over your male competition and that help create and maintain a feeling of deep attraction for you in the subconscious minds of beautiful women. They’ve been put in chronological order, in the sequence you’ll use them in when out playing the pick-up game. Bear the following in mind before continuing any further:
1. The advanced seduction techniques that follow have been developed, tried and tested based on psychological and sociological principles. They’re engineered to give you the maximum advantage over your competition.
2. The techniques have been ordered consecutively, so they fit into a logical category or stage of seduction: scoping, approach/opening, conversation, and closing/call-to-action.
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3. After you’ve read and learnt each of the techniques, remember that to successfully pick-up a hot girl it’s not necessary to use all of them, all the time. There isn’t enough time in the day, let alone an evening, to use every one of the techniques on a girl or selection of girls. So, practice and use 3 or 4 of the techniques per pick-up attempt and get a feel for which you have the most personal success with and which you need to practice more. This way, after a while, you’ll have a refined set of advanced techniques – three or four methods that always hit the mark and do the trick, time and time again – that you can use on an easily repeatable basis to find, approach and seduce any woman that takes your fancy.
Advanced Scoping
Knowing how to scope is a vital part of being successful with women. Most men, as I mentioned in the introduction, choose the women they approach based on three simple bits of criteria: how attractive the girl is, how intimidating she/her crowd appear to be, and whether or not they feel they have the balls to go up to her and try it on. By using these prerequisites, the only thing most men accomplish or establish is that they are interested in the girl, and NOT that the girl is interested in them – or, for that matter, anyone.
Advanced scoping solves this problem by allowing you to distinguish between which women are flirts who will not put out no matter who tries to seduce them, which girls are interested in meeting ‘Mr Right’ and therefore susceptible to your seduction techniques, and which girls are specifically interested or attracted to you even before you’ve approached them.
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The best place to start in regards to advanced scoping is by learning about wide-casting – the way women subconsciously advertise the fact that they’re available and willing to meet and possibly be seduced by a guy like you.
Wide-casting
Imagine you’re out of on the town with a few friends, you’re in a club you’ve been to a few times before but never had any luck in as far as seducing girls goes. The place is populated fairly evenly by men and women, about 50/50 in ratio. The females in the club all, to an untrained eye, appear be doing the same thing – sitting around, dancing, drinking at the bar, talking with friends, the usual stuff. On the surface, it seems impossible to differentiate between the girls that would realistically be willing to allow a guy to seduce and get with them, and the girls that for whatever reason simply would not. Some women, after all, will be on their periods, have boyfriends, have weird issues when it comes to being picked-up or hit on, who knows…
However, about 60-70% of those women are wide-casting that they are in fact able and willing to be approached and seduced (if it’s done right!). They do this through their use of body language and in the way they behave. Here’s how women subconsciously signal that they’re “available” – sometimes even when they “officially” have a boyfriend or husband.
Wide casting signal #1: Appearance
First things first, look at what a girl’s wearing. Women make themselves look attractive by exaggerating and accentuating the differences they have with us men. That means wearing clothes that show off the fact they have breasts (by showing cleavage), have ass (by wearing tight jeans and rolling their hips sexily when they walk) and dancing provocatively to demonstrate and show-off their curves and womanly ways. Any woman
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that draws attention to her femininity and sexuality through the types of clothes she chooses to wear subconsciously wants the attention of the opposite sex – us men. That doesn’t, however, automatically mean they’ll always put out or respond well to other seduction techniques. We’ve all seen girls who act and look like sluts but suddenly become little miss innocent – insulted and shocked – when a guy draws attention to the fact they’re attractive…like they didn’t know. So, despite their appearance not being a solid indicator of their availability by itself, always analyze it as a matter of procedure before looking for other signs of wide-casting and narrow-casting – it often gives you a good idea of what’s going on in the mind of the girl.
Wide casting signal #2: Behaviour
Women – whether they’re ugly, average or scorching hot - subconsciously signal that they’re interested in being approached, and maybe even seduced, by changing the way they move and behave. Look out for girls that, even from a distance, are talking to each other in an animated and full-of-life way. Girls gesticulate (illustrate what they’re saying by waving around and otherwise using their hands) more when they want to wide-cast their availability because it gets the attention of men around them. You’ll often see a group of 3 or 4 girls with one or two talking much more energetically and enthusiastically than the others – this is a perfect set-up for you, as the presence of other girls in the group – the ones who aren’t as lively and animated – allows you to use several powerful seduction techniques designed for use on a group of females. We’ll cover them a little later.
Narrow-casting
Wide-casting gives you a rough idea of which girls are willing to be approached and which ones aren’t, however, it’s narrow-casting that will provide you with the most useful and useable information, such as: whether a girl’s seen and taken a liking to you,
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whether she’s interested in one of your friends more than you, and if she’s not seen and psychically judged you yet. Here are the main ways girls narrow-cast - always keep an eye out for them:
Narrow-casting signal #1: The casual and not-so-casual glance
Women, especially those that are attractive and confident, always try to stay in control over social situations involving men. If they didn’t, they’d be bedding men left, right and centre and consequently losing any and all of the social value they originally possessed. So, to maintain their “say” and stay in control, most women will try to avoid appearing easy to get. However, that doesn’t mean they don’t give out signals of interest to specific men (by narrow-casting) when they’re interested in them. They can’t help it – it’s an in-built, primeval method of hooking up with men and procreating. One way women silently and subtlety signal their interest is by using special kinds of eye contact. A lot of men – probably because it feels like they’re giving away their control – try to avoid looking directly into the eyes of the girls around them. Instead they try to play it cool and do everything but make direct eye contact. Don’t make the same mistake. By looking a girl in the eyes every so often, even from across a room, you allow yourself to spot when she’s giving you the following types of narrow-casting signals:
1. The extended gaze. We usually look away from people after locking eyes with them for second of two – women who want to narrow-cast their interest to a specific guy will hold their gaze for a fraction of a second longer to subliminally signal their interest in him and what he has to offer. Don’t miss the extended gaze by looking away before she does.
2. The eye-flash. Another subtle way a girl will subconsciously signal interest in a guy with her eyes is by using an eye-flash. It involves briefly and almost imperceptibly elevating/lifting her upper-eyelids for a fraction of second, then
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looking away. It sounds crazy, but if you look out for it – and don’t chicken out from stare-downs – you’ll see it time and time again. It’s a female’s way of separating you from the crowd of other men and letting you know it, so you’ll approach and flirt with her.
Narrow-casting signal #2: Hair Play
Another way girls shoot their interest across a room, table or dance floor is by flicking their hair in a special way, thereby achieving two things: 1. They draw attention to the fact that they have youthful, bouncy, long hair (subconsciously contrasting themselves with the male sex to appear more attractive). 2. They expose their necks which gives a psychological message of submissiveness. Many women will use hair play (either by flicking it with their hand casually from one side to the other, or by whipping it around with a movement of their heads) to wide-cast that they’re available and on the look out for a guy or guys. Other times, and more often, a girl will do it in your direction, so her neck and the action itself will be directed most heavily in your direction.
To sum up:
Most men aren’t aware of wide and narrow-casting, the ways women show that they’re interested in meeting men, generally and specifically. As such, they miss out on the advantages being able to spot these silent signals offers. You, however, are in a stronger position than other guys, because you now have the knowledge to distinguish between women who are interested in you, or the guy across the room, or no-one at all.
However, that’s not the end of the story. Simply going up to a girl who’s been widecasting, and maybe even narrow-casting to you personally, and talking, complimenting and generally flirting with her would be playing into her hands, simply because – even though she doesn’t consciously know she was casting out signals of interest – she’ll feel
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she’s won you over easily and without a fight. The same often applies to when you approach a hot girl who has been neither wide-casting nor narrow-casting. Once again, it’s here you have the advantage over other men, because you’re about to learn how not to fall into that trap and how to keep her on her feet, wanting what she cannot have until you let her have it. We’re going to begin by taking a look at the first part of any seduction attempt: the approach, A.K.A. opening.
The Approach/Opening
Here’s where the really interesting stuff starts: the approach/opening is the first phase of seduction in which you come into contact with the girl by entering her proximity – as such, it’s crucial you get it right. As they always say: “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” And in the pick-up game, good first impressions are often critical to your overall success. That’s because people automatically make snap judgements when they meet others and it’s usually pretty tricky to back-peddle your way out of a poor initial impression.
Most people think good impressions are pretty easy to make most of the time, and they’re right. Smile, be courteous, don’t show off, don’t pick your nose…simple rules. But a good approach and opener in seduction isn’t like a positive first impression at a job interview. In the pick-up game, the psychology is a whole lot more complex and therefore requires a completely different set of social rules and psychological techniques to get it right. We’re dealing with hot women here, remember, not many things are more challenging to conquer than them – unless, that is, you know what you’re doing…and you’re about to.
Before looking at how to verbally ‘open’ (that is, start a conversation), we’re going to look at some highly important concepts that involve spatial awareness, direction, body
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language, and the subliminal psychology that goes along with each. I cannot stress how useful these simple, yet practically unheard of principles are when learnt and applied to real-life encounters with the opposite sex. So let’s go…
Advanced Proximity Principles
A proximity principle – when applied to seduction – is a concept that takes into consideration how close or far away you physically are from a girl or group of girls. The reason proximity principles are important is simply because we all subconsciously use them when we’re around friends, family and strangers. To put it simply, your proximity to a girl during each of stage of the pick-up affects the final outcome of your encounter and the overall success of your seduction attempt. It happens because people, women especially, are acutely aware of how close others around them are and most importantly, whether or not they’re invading their personal space without “permission.”
Before looking at the specific ways you can use your proximity to enhance your seduction skills, we first need to establish what most people’s personal space is.
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The Personal Space Proximity Diagram
The diagram above shows how there are 3 main ‘zones’ of personal space. When someone enters a zone they shouldn’t, the person’s whose personal space has been comprised will automatically feel on edge and negative towards the over-friendly party. When playing the seduction game, you must always ensure you’re in the female’s appropriate zone at the right time. And that goes further than simply avoiding getting too close too soon, as you’re about to find out.
Flanking
We may have come a long way since the days when we used bits of flint to make fire and threw spears to kill boars, but some things never change. One thing that hasn’t
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disappeared or even evolved much is our subconscious sense of danger and vulnerability, which often shows itself in social situations. Flanking is a method of approaching a girl that effectively avoids tripping her danger/vulnerability switch by approaching her from the side and not from behind or head-on. So, when possible, always use flanking to ensure you don’t subliminally intimidate or scare away a girl before you’ve even had the chance to properly start up a conversation.
Proximity and Body Language Manipulation
This set of principles is highly effective and very powerful when used in conjunction with other seduction techniques, although very few men have ever heard of the concept of proximity and body language manipulation, let alone used it to boost their chances with the ladies.
You’ll recall earlier on, while talking about appearance and attitude, I mentioned a word or idea that can be noticed over and over again when analysing the science of attraction and seduction. It’s control – and no pickup technique relates more closely to the idea of being in control than proximity and body language manipulation, which is probably the reason it’s so powerful when used correctly.
The first thing to bear in mind is that women are attracted, on the whole, to socially high-ranking individuals. This does NOT mean they only go for bankers, millionaires and male models, though. It means they are naturally drawn to men that have elevated social worth, that are in high demand but low in number. Confident, engaging men that know how to control the people they meet and situations they find themselves in with a natural ease – regardless of what their last bank statement said, the car they drive or what they work as – are universally lusted after by the female sex. So, when a man exhibits the traits of someone who doesn’t have high social currency, girls look
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elsewhere for a guy that does – if she finds one, you’re essentially outranked and therefore out of the picture. If she doesn’t find one, you still stand a marginal chance, but only if she – for whatever reason – is in the mood to have her ego enlarged a little further by you.
So here lies the problem: how is a guy supposed to approach a woman (which in itself represents a relinquishing of control and a sign of strong interest) while maintaining high social value (which is what women find attractive)? The answer lies in proximity and body language manipulation.
When you approach and start a conversation with a woman for the first time, you must carefully abide by a set of psychological principles, doing so maintains your social value (stops you looking like a horny guy looking for sex) while allowing the female to find you attractive and interesting. Here’s the 4 step process:
Step 1: Casually make your way into the girl’s social proximity zone (see diagram) but do not make eye contact or otherwise show any interest in her. If you’re at the bar, pretend to look at the drinks menu, if you’re in a library, browse the bookshelves as if you’re searching for a special title. Don’t hover in her social zone for more than 15-20 seconds, doing so is counter-productive.
Step 2: Women hardly ever start conversations on a whim with men they don’t know, so it’s down to you to open things up. Casually move into her personal zone (see diagram) – ideally, do it with supposed purpose, as if you’re trying to get closer to the bar staff to get served, or want to check out a certain bookshelf that’s closer to her (match your intended purpose with the situation and location you’re in). Don’t linger in this zone for more than 3-5 seconds; if you do you’ll probably notice her move away to put you back in her social (less intimidating) zone. Move directly onto the next and most important step.
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Step 3: Open up the conversation with a casual comment or question (we’ll look at some good openers a little later if you need ideas). However, DO NOT change the direction in which your body faces (just turn your head). DO NOT alter the way you’re standing – whether you’ve got one leg crossed over the other or have them slightly spread, don’t alter anything. Likewise, don’t in any way change your body language when you first begin talking to her. If you do, it gives out the following subconscious message: “I’m interested in you enough to physically change the way I’m standing or sitting.” The female’s subliminal mind recognizes that, without her doing anything at all, you’ve altered yourself to fit her and her needs (the need to see you face-on and hear you clearly, etc.) Continue the casual conversation.
Step 4: The idea now is to watch her body language carefully for changes and alterations. If you notice her body language change from closed to open (see the body language power recap), do the same yourself – orientate your body direction towards her a little more and drop any object or body defence signals you were previously using to withhold your interest in her. If she maintains her body language throughout the conversation, you can manipulate yours to encourage her to open up. After making a joke or light-hearted comment, very casually move a little closer to her and orientate your body in her direction a little more. Then watch to see her subconscious reaction – chances are, if the conversation is going well, she’ll respond by becoming more open and friendly herself.
Proximity and body language manipulation gives the subliminal and psychological impression that the girl has earned your attention (which is shown through open body language) instead of it being simply given away for free, like so many hopeful guys do. Also, starting the conversation with seemingly indifferent proximity and body language avoids the problem of piling too much pressure on the female too quickly. Jumping right in by entering her intimate proximity zone with open body language on your part and
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some wacky or unusual questions in mind, ready to be asked, will usually scare the girl off or keep her in her shell for good. As you now know, you can manipulate your proximity and body language by “rewarding” her with open body language and increased proximity
as
the
conversation
progresses
(which
is
how
unplanned
and
truly
spontaneous seduction takes place in real life).
You can take proximity and body language manipulation as far as you like, even using advanced mirroring techniques as subconscious rewards as well as the other open body language gestures and movements. We’re going to look at mirroring in a later chapter. First, though, we’re going to go over a simple but intriguing concept that relates quite closely to the kind of psychological principles referenced in this section.
Maintaining Control and Creating Mystery by Withholding Personal Information
Easy come, easy go – anything that’s available in abundance or able to be obtained with little to no effort is naturally going to be given a lower overall value in people’s minds than something that’s rare or hard to find. Women don’t go weak at the knees at the prospect of being approached by the average guy because of the very fact that he’s average – any girl could get the same guy’s attention and that doesn’t say much for her social value or worth.
Now the flipside of the coin, what women do find attractive and do relish when it happens: Being approached by a guy that – as I’ve described before - is in control, confident and not falling at her feet, submitting to her every whim. So, your aim is to
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create this kind of highly attractive and rare persona. In short, be the guy who, without appearing arrogant or stuck-up, isn’t engrossed or bowled over by every pretty girl who crosses his path. You’re indifferent, just as you should be until they have earned something more. It works both ways and women do it all the time. It’s the only way the people with the highest personal worth and social value (who, if they’re female, just so happen to usually be 9 or 10’s on the looks scale) hook-up.
Okay, how do you construct a persona that exudes an effortless and relaxed attitude when it comes to talking to women? Well, first you use the previous technique, proximity and body language manipulation, to restrict massaging their ego until the right time. Second, you expertly withhold personal information to further maintain control of the situation and to create an alluring sense of mystery in regards to who you are and what you’re about. It’s a simple 2 step process:
Step 1: Never, under any circumstances, open/start a conversation with a girl by introducing yourself using your name, what you do or anything else that’s personal. Doing so immediately sends a poor psychological message to the girl: Sure, you’re friendly, but you’ve handed her control of the situation on a plate. It’s now up to her whether or not she responds with her own name or personal information. You can avoid this entirely by opening with a neutral yet well-chosen topic (in a later section we’ll look at 3 great ways to do this), doing so keeps the balance of control long enough for you to build good rapport with the girl and get her interested, which leads nicely onto step two of this technique.
Step 2: By withholding the kind information most guys give out willy-nilly to girls when they first meet them, you’re silently achieving three things: first, you’re subliminally saying that you’re not infatuated with the girl enough to give her any personal details without her first giving you something back (same goes with proximity and body language). Second, you’re helping build a sense of mystery around yourself. As the
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conversation goes from strength to strength, the girl is still in the dark when it comes to knowing even your first name. She only knows what you’ve chosen to tell her along the way, and you’ve only really done that because you happened to be talking about it at the time. And lastly, to pack the final and most hard-hitting psychological punch, you’re able to tell her your name as the last thing you do before parting with her phone number or arranging a time and place you’re both going to meet again. This takes advantage of a well-known but not often used subconscious psychological principle called ‘The Law of Recency’ – in essence, what we hear, see or experience last sticks out most prominently in our minds when we think back later on. Your name, as the last thing she hears, is written indelibly in her mind, linked positively with the great conversation and experience you shared together, perfect for when you next meet.
As well as controlling the balance of power between yourself and the girl, withholding and then metering out your personal information slowly gives the conversation a much more natural feel in the girl’s subconscious mind, like it’s developed of its own accord, as opposed to your predetermined design. This air of naturalness and realism, along with the concept of scarcity used in this technique, are both core components of the next advanced seduction method we’re going to look at: time limitation.
Time Limitation
Time limitation is a great technique to use when you’re actively out playing the seduction game. Its benefits are three-fold – each one powerful and advantageous in its own right. Before we look at how time limitation gives you the upper hand, let’s first go over what the technique consists of.
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A time limiter is a specially constructed statement that casually and believably introduces a reason why you probably can’t stop and chat for very long with the girl you’re attempting to pick-up. On the surface, the idea of limiting how long you spend with the girl seems like a crazy concept, after all, surely the best way of forming a connection and establishing sexual chemistry with a girl is by talking to her for as long as you can, to give yourself the largest possible chance of making something happen. In real-life, though, this isn’t the case; you’re actually much better off using time limitation. You’ll quickly see why this is the case when you know the benefits time limiters offer.
Benefit #1: When a guy randomly approaches a girl, especially if she hasn’t be wide/narrow-casting, she’ll often automatically realise in her subconscious the underlying reason for his interest (especially if she’s hot/has high social worth). When a girl realises a guy is after only one thing it’s like the gates of persuasion will be spontaneously shut or least left barely ajar. To put it simply, your job is made much harder. After all, the girl wants to maintain control and keep her social worth. Submitting to your advances would make her look easy (if she’s in public) and feel like easy pickings (whether there are people around or not). By introducing a time limiter you give the impression that you aren’t initially overly interested in her and that you have other things to be doing and getting on with. Any feeling of manipulation or exploitation is instantly eradicated in the mind of the female.
Benefit #2: The second advantage offered by time limiters is that they allow you to exhibit your own social value and dominance. The benefit of this is clear when you break down the following opposing possibilities:
A: A guy walks up to a girl and starts up a conversation. He seems to have all the time in the world, nowhere he needs to go and nobody he needs to see. This girl, a stranger he’s only just met, seems to be his number one priority.
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B: A guy casually begins a conversation with a girl but mentions a valid reason he can’t talk to her for long. It’s clear this guy’s day is planned – there are people he needs to see and things he needs to get done.
Even if both guys talk about the same things in the same way, the fact that the second guy introduced a time limiter at the start of the conversation puts him on top. He has the first benefit (avoiding triggering a negative reaction in the girl’s mind because of what she thinks he might be up to), the second benefit (he’s exhibited his own social value and dominance and, of course, the final benefits that follows.
Benefit #3: This advantage is short but sweet and makes perfect sense when you think about it. By introducing a time limiter at the start of the conversation, as well as reaping the benefits above, you allow yourself an easy Plan B if things don’t go as well as you’d hoped. Usually when a chat dies or fizzles out, you have to mumble a quick reason you need to get going and leave. But even if it’s a good one it’s pretty likely she’ll realise the real reason you’re heading off. With a time limiter in place, your exit – if you do end up taking it – is already set in place ready to be used, all it takes is a quick and easy reference to whatever it is you used a time limiter at the start of the conversation. And on that note, let’s look at some great examples of time limiters.
Time Limiter #1 – With Friends: It wouldn’t make sense to start up a conversation with a girl only to mention that you can’t talk for long – unless, that is, you have a good reason to begin the chat. Check out the next section (3 ways to open naturally) for ideas on how to kick off proceedings with your female of choice. Once you have the ‘reason’ to talk to her in mind, you can use the ‘with friends’ time limiter, which goes along the following lines:
“Hi. I’m here with a few friends [gesture in their direction if you’re actually out with your buddies or round the corner or somewhere out of sight if you’re in fact by yourself]. But,
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I was wondering if you could help me out with something real quick… [Then move into your planned opening topic]”
If you’re in a place where being with friends wouldn’t make much sense, like a library or supermarket, try using the next example:
Time Limiter #2 – Planned Appointment: This one’s good because you don’t, as in the first limiter, have to mention people that perhaps don’t strictly exist or, more likely, aren’t with you at that time (if that’s any concern). It goes something like:
“Oh, hi. I’m just going to meet a friend but I was wondering if you could help me out first. It might sound a little strange but… [Then move into your planned opening topic].”
The best way of using time limiters is to make up your own while bearing the following in mind:
1. Time limiters are most effective when they subtly highlight your social worth. Needing to make a call, meet a friend or get back to the group of buddies you’re out with are all good ways of suggesting just that.
2. Customise your time limiter to match the location and situation you’re in. So, to use the example I just mentioned again, saying you’ve got to get back to some friends waiting for you on aisle 3 of the supermarket would sound unrealistic and pretty dumb. Instead, it’d be much better to slip in the fact that you’re on a super-fast rush-around shop, because you’ve got to be somewhere in a little while. Something along those lines is much more effective because it establishes your social worth, lets her know she’s not stuck talking to you for ages if you don’t get on and at the same time matches the situation you’re both in.
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The last thing to say about time limiters is how to get out of them when things are going particularly well with the girl you’re talking to. After all, the goal wasn’t just to talk to her, get her attracted to you then ditch her for some imaginary friend. Fortunately, dealing with this small issue is easy. You have two options. The first is to actually finish the conversation and return to your waiting friends or pretend to go to whatever appointment you made-up, but to swap numbers with the girl before parting (we’ll cover the best way to do this later). Taking this option usually works beautifully because the conversation you had was short, fresh and enjoyable – not long, boring, hard-work for both of you. The second option is best used when you feel you haven’t yet built up enough of a connection or established enough attraction in the girl’s mind to get her number or arrange to meet again. So, your goal is give yourself more time to achieve those goals. Completely forget about the time limiter and continue talking to her and working your magic. If she mentions that call you had to make or place you said you had to go, brush it off with: “Oh, they’ll wait.” Or “I don’t know, I think I’d rather talk to you.” Or “It’ll be OK.” Keep it super short and somewhat evasive. Mystery, as we’ve already established, is your friend and only ever helps to build interest and intrigue in a woman’s mind.
Alright, you now know how to use time limiters to give your seductive conversations extra power and effectiveness. But you might still be a little unsure about the best ways of actually starting those chats in the best possible way. So let’s take a look.
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Three Examples of How to Make Introductions/Openers Feel Spontaneous, Natural and Unrehearsed
I talked earlier about how important good first impressions are in aiding successful seduction and you then learnt the best way to approach a girl in regards to your proximity, direction and body language. Now we’re onto the main substance of the first impression: the actual opener, the beginning of the conversation that – by the time it’s over – will have the girl lusting after you and your continued attention. So I don’t mind saying that getting the conversation opener just right is critical to your overall success. Before looking at 3 great ways to open, let’s first go over a few absolute no-no’s – things so many guys choose to do when they open with a girl and subsequently the reasons so many fall flat on their faces. They’re the most common mistakes made by guys hoping to form a good first impression.
The Three Killers:
1. Packaged Pick-up Lines
A pick-up line is predetermined way of opening that attempts to fuse flirtatiousness with wit in just a sentence or two. We all know a few and some of them are actually pretty funny – but that’s where their list positive attributes ends. You see, pick-up lines are most guys’ idea of what a girl would like to hear as the first thing uttered by a man who’s approached her. In reality, pick-up lines stand out a mile in women’s minds as what they are: a method of breaking the ice with the sole intention of getting into their panties later on. A tiny minority of women don’t mind this (they usually have some strange reason for wanting to hook-up with guys, such as a weird inferiority complex that needs attention, or they’re just sluts who make a sport out bedding men). Either way, pick-up lines are only as powerful as the person that’s using them. And if you have
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the power to make a corny pick-up line work, using one as your primary opener is the last thing you want to do. You’ll have infinitely more success using one of the 3 examples of good openers that follow or even one of your own design that conforms to the general structure of a good opening topic/technique.
2. Buying drinks, giving compliments and doing favours.
You can guarantee that somewhere in the world, at any given time, there is a guy offering to buy a girl a drink or telling her she looks beautiful in an attempt to get her to like and feel attracted to him. The reason it’s such a commonly used ploy by men is because on the surface it seems like a great idea: “If I tell her she looks good or pay for her bill she’ll see that I’m a kind guy and she’s bound to like me. After all, if someone paid me a compliment or did something equally nice, I’d be flattered.”
As is so often the case, though, things in reality work a little differently. When a guy buys a girl a drink, whether she’s asked him to or not, she immediately has the psychological advantage, the power, the upper-hand. Even a compliment, delivered out of the blue, gives only one clear, underlying message: “I’ll say you look or smell great, or have amazing eyes, to make you feel good about yourself and therefore positively about me.” Girls spot this a mile off and even though they might smile and say thanks or accept that free drink graciously, they won’t have respect for you – let alone a deep attraction.
Avoid using compliments when you open, buying drinks and doing favours like the plague – they serve no productive purpose.
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3. “Don’t I know you?”
This method of opening (really just a pick-up line masquerading as an opener), isn’t an instant killer, but is instead usually a slow-burning path to failure. Lots of guys use it to introduce themselves to a girl they’d like to get talking to. They’ll say: “Do I know you? You look familiar.” Women, however, being much more adept at facial recognition than men, know instantly that they’re not met you before, which is what lands you in icy waters 5 seconds after you’ve opened. Some guys can make this method of opening work, but it’s their skill at turning a stone-cold situation into a sizzling conversation that does the trick, and not the initial “Don’t I know you?” line. So, once again, avoid it. Women don’t mind talking to a guy they don’t know if it feels right – in fact, you being a stranger they slowly fall in love with over a drink is infinitely more powerful than posing as someone they might have met before and spending the next hour trying to convince them of that fact to therefore validate your presence.
So, that’s how not to open and how not to make a good first impression. Let’s now look at the opposite: 3 examples of openers that, at least in the girls’ minds, will always feel spontaneous, natural and unrehearsed.
Example #1: The Valued Opinion
This opener involves approaching a girl (remember to use flanking) and asking for her opinion on something.
Now, on the surface asking a girl for her opinion might seem a little tame, but this opener’s power and effectiveness actually lies in its simplicity.
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Before you approach – or even before you leave your house – have a topic in mind to ask a girl for her opinion on. Once you’ve decided on the topic, plan the reason you need to ask a stranger for their opinion as opposed to simply asking one of your friends.
Here’s a few of the best ways to do it:
You: “Excuse me…Hi. This may sound a little out of the blue, but could I ask for your opinion on something?”
Her: “Erm, yeah, sure.”
You: “Okay, well – mind if I sit down? – I’m with a few friends over there *vague gesture off into the distance* and we’re talking about colours. Actually, which colours are supposed to be calming and which, you know, screw with your mind or whatever. See, my friend says he’s going to paint his kitchen red because he says it’s a calming colour, but that makes no sense to me…
Her: Right…
You: And I know it seems crazy me coming over here to ask, but you know, I needed a calming influence myself – and a second opinion! What do you think?
Okay, now let’s analyze what’s just happened in that short opener. First, you’ve asked for her opinion on a seemingly random and innocent subject. This boosts her ego in the best way possible, because it isn’t a clear way of complimenting her attractive physical attributes or an obvious ploy or pick-up line that’ll immediately turn her off. Next – and just after she’s said “yes” to your first request - you casually and quickly ask to sit down. She can’t say no to that, after all, she’s just agreed to help you out. By sitting down with her, you put yourself on the same playing field (allowing yourself to use the mirroring
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techniques we’ll look at later). Then you dropped a subtle time limiter in, by mentioning that you’re with friends which not only demonstrates your social worth but also lets her know she’s not stuck with you for ages (even though she certainly won’t care a bout that a few minutes into the conversation). Then came the chosen subject matter: colours and the moods they represent. This is a great topic to use because not only is it easy to talk about, it’s also rooted in emotion and how you feel – this allows plenty of scope for getting her to describe things that make her feel relaxed and happy, which you can repackage and subliminally feed back to her to boost your rapport and overall connection/attraction level.
You finished your opener by saying: “…I needed a calming influence myself – and a second opinion!” Coupled with a smile, this short sentence really puts the girl at ease. And because you said you need an “opinion,” she knows that a one word or really short answer won’t do – which helps develop the conversation further.
Although the “colour” topic is really powerful, you can ask for opinion on anything you like. Think about which topics will evoke the most elaborate and emotional answers from the girl, like:
What to call your new pet goldfish. It’s a crazy topic, but it being a little “out-there” helps establish the fun, easy-going feeling all good seduction related conversations should have.
How women judge men on first sight. This one’s good because you can say you and your buddies were talking about what women base their opinions on and you decided you’d find out straight from the horse’s mouth. Show her your shoes jokingly and run with the idea of you asking her opinion as a bit of a flirty joke (although don’t say it outright!).
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Favourite milkshake or ice cream flavour. This is another one that works well because it’s obviously a silly/goofy thing to ask someone about, but that fact only further demonstrates your confidence – you can talk to girls about anything! It’s also a good way of covering the 5 senses – especially taste and smell. Cool mint choc chip, creamy strawberry whip…have her salivating. It may sound crazy, but you’ll find that girls reply with broad smiles and open body language when you ask for their opinions on wacky or random topics confidently and easily. It’s a harmless way to have a fun conversation for them and a perfect way for you, as a master seducer, to simultaneously build a superstrong feeling of compatibility and chemistry between the two of you.
Example #2: Under the Radar - A.K.A. ‘The Old One, Two’
This opener fuses the concept described above (asking for a girl’s opinion) with a preliminary, basic conversation starter – mixing the two strengthens the effectiveness of the opener and helps guarantee receptiveness and interest from the girl. It also incorporates
Proximity
&
Body
Language Manipulation
to
ensure
you maintain
control/dominance of the situation at all times and don’t boost the girl’s ego too much, too quickly.
First, use the standard approach described in the Proximity & Body Language Manipulation section earlier – casually move into her social zone with a supposed purpose (looking at a menu, checking your phone, etc.), then progress into her personal zone and linger for a few seconds, retaining your closed/neutral body language. Now open with a basic, day-to-day style conversation starter that relates to the situation you’re in. So, if you’re both standing at the bar waiting to be served, it might go something like:
You: Busy in here tonight, huh?
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Her: Yeah, it is.
You: Which do you prefer, when it’s busy and there’s a good atmosphere or when it’s quieter and getting served is quicker?
Her: Um, a mix, I guess. I like it when there are lots of people because, like you said, the atmosphere, but quieter’s good too sometimes.
At this point you’re still maintaining your original body language (stance, facing direction, etc.) You have two options here, either move into the next phase of the opener or continue the day-to-day, easy-going conversation you’ve just started. If she’s responding well and, at a minimum, making good eye contact, move ahead with the next phase by going into the ‘Valued Opinion’ approach detailed previously.
You: Hey, while we’re talking, would you mind helping me out with something? See, I need an opinion on something very important and I think you might be the girl to give it to me.
Her: Sure, what is it?
You: I need to name my new pet goldfish…
Delivered confidently and with a slightly cheeky smile, the valued opinion method (whether it’s intentionally funny/quirky like the one above, or more serious like the colours one) is sure to make her smile and heighten her interest and involvement in the conversation. Once she begins to answer, open up your body language by facing her more and ensuring you’re not using any barrier signals, then – if you feel things are going particularly well – you’re in a position to invite her to a table to carry on talking or
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pull up a seat at the bar to swap fish names or opinions on the best colours to use in your bedroom - hint, hint.
The main benefit of using the Under the Radar technique is that it first eases the girl into an easy, stress-free conversation that doesn’t put her on edge or make her feel awkward. It doesn’t feel forced or reek of an attempted pick-up. Then, once she’s warmed to you, you use the Valued Opinion method to take the conversation to the next level – it still feels natural and, most important of all, fun (two of the key ingredients necessary to create deep attraction in any girl’s mind).
Example #3: The Roving Reporter
Many men dread performing openers because they think the girl they’ve approached will immediately know what their intentions are: to hook-up with them. This, apart from being a little embarrassing, can also spell potential disaster because their control and dominance of the situation is relinquished to the girl as soon as she realises what they’re up to. To combat this you can use the Roving Reporter approach to truly give yourself (in the girl’s mind at least) a reason for starting a conversation with her.
Pretend you’re doing research for an article that’s going to go in the local newspaper or college gazette (choose the most appropriate/likely for you to be associated with). You’re doing a piece on the differences between men and women (in reality, you can choose any topic you like – but selecting one that is potentially good for flirting over is best).
You: Hi, could you help me out with something?
- You take a seat next to her while taking out a notepad and pen –
Her: Sure, what is it?
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You: I’m doing a piece for [insert name of publication, website or TV station] on the differences between men and women and need some opinions from real people – women especially. It’ll only take a few minutes. Want to help out?
Her: Yeah, why not.
You can then go ahead and ask some pre-planned questions that you’ve got written on your notepad or memorized. As the conversation progresses and she becomes more comfortable and animated, open up your own body language and move slowly away from the planned questions and onto more flirty/dynamic topics.
Now we’ve covered seduction topics relating to scoping, approaching and opening, it’s time to look at some advanced techniques related to actual conversation and interaction with a girl or group of girls. The first port of call is the subject of wingmen and wingwomen.
Conversation: Advanced Wingman/Wingwoman Info
Wingmen and wingwomen are friends that function as support in your seduction game. Most guys think that the subject of wingmen is pretty straightforward, you just go out with a buddy who, if necessary, will chat to the less attractive friends of the girls you target for seduction. While this is usually a pretty good strategy, it’s really just a very small side of the picture. The subject of using wing-people to support and boost your pick-up game stretches a little further because, as you’re about to find out, not all wingmen are created equal.
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The core essence of using wing-people successfully lies in matching the people you’re out with (your wingmen/wingwomen) to the situation you’re faced with. For example, a girl you’d like to approach who’s sitting by herself will require a different configuration of seduction support than a group of 4 or 5 girls chatting away happily together.
To avoid getting bogged down in overly-complex strategy, you can use a simplified set of rules that accurately sum up how best to think about and use wing-people. They are categorized by the different situations you’re most likely to face:
Singular Targets
For girls who are by themselves (which is usually the case in daylight pick-ups in supermarkets, parks, coffee houses, etc.) working alone is usually preferable – I.E. No wingman should be used. This is because 2 guys occupying a girl’s personal space (regardless of the zone they’re in) can be overwhelming and off-putting, which subsequently makes seduction harder. Also, being one-on-one with a girl, with no male friends used as seduction support, allows you to concentrate on creating a psychological bond with them through the use of body language manipulation, mirroring and emotive conversation.
Target +1
When your target girl is with just one female friend you’re faced with one of the most difficult seduction challenges. Contrary to popular belief, your best bet is not to approach with one wingman, to match numbers, because when you begin to work your magic on your target, her friend – who, even though she has your wingman to interact with – is likely to become jealous and therefore protective of her friend, hindering your attempt at a pick-up. You have two options: either go in alone, so it’s you and the two girls or, if at
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all possible, go in with you and a female friend, a wingwoman. This eliminates most of the jealousy felt by the target’s friend because the fact that you’re with another girl (although no one said she was your girlfriend!) creates a different, easier to handle social dynamic for her.
Groups of 3+
Tackling groups of girls that number 3 and up is tricky alone because of the jealousy principle mentioned above. Also, a girl who is being hit on amongst 2 or more of her friends is more likely to feel that she’s been selected as the “easy-prey” than if she’s alone or with one friend. Here’s where it’s preferable to have a wingman or two with you. Their presence gets rid of the feeling of ‘prey selection’ and helps keep the attention of your target’s friend off her, which helps stop jealousy and protectiveness.
There are also a few sub-rules to using wing-people effectively for use in the inevitable situations life throws up which involve extra obstacles and considerations.
Mixed Groups
Say there’s a group of 3 girls and 1 guy and you’d like to pick-up one of the girls in that group. That guy changes the dynamic of the situation quite a bit, so your choice of wingpeople needs to change as well. When faced with a mixed group, try to fight fire with fire and have a wingman and a wingwoman with you. The wingman keeps the attention of the target’s friends (you don’t necessarily have to ask him to do this, because it’ll happen naturally) and the presence of your wingwoman keeps the group’s problem guy’s attention away from the fact that you’re working your charms on the hot girl, your target.
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The Laws of Contrast and Association
Here’s another bit of psychological info most men have never heard of, let alone put into practice to boost their pick-up game. The laws of contrast and association are scientific principles that represent two special ways in which our minds work – and, for that matter, the way your target females’ minds will work, too.
In essence, things that are placed alongside each other are naturally compared and contrasted by our subconscious minds to help us draw conclusions and form opinions. This happens in every facet of daily life – from associating a celebrity we like with a product because they’re pictured with it, to contrasting a starting price given by a salesman with a lower follow up price, which makes the overall offer seem much more attractive. This principle, of contrast and association, applies to using wingmen and wingwomen, too. Here’s how it works:
You stand a better chance of success using a wingman that is about equal to you in looks than one who’s better or worse in the looks department than you. Essentially, this is a good form of risk management. Using a wingman that is better looking risks the possibility of you being contrasted with him in the mind of your target female and coming off worse, whereas using a wingman who’s much less good looking than you risks the chance of you being associated with him and made to look worse than you actually are. Hitting the middle ground with a wingman who’s about your equal physically allows you to forget about how you might be compared or associated with him and instead gives you the opportunity to excel with your advanced seduction techniques.
It’s also worth mentioning that, if the situation ever arises, you’re better off using one attractive wingwoman than one attractive wingman. This is not only because of the reason just detailed, but also because being with a female friend yourself disarms the switch that exists in many girls’ minds (especially girls who frequently witness their
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friends being hit on) that is triggered when they think they’re being manipulated or taken advantage of. You being with a female friend, or even a wingman and his own girlfriend, totally eradicates this repressive issue.
Floor-sharing Principles
One thing that often makes or breaks a conversation with a pretty girl is how well you, as the seducer, handle the issue of floor-sharing.
Floor-sharing principles deal with how two people (you and your target female) balance the role of speaker and listener, which – if the balance is correct – results in an enjoyable and fun conversation that in turn creates rapport and attraction in the female’s mind. There are two key areas that many men neglect to get right, they are: effective use of silences and progressive questioning. We’ll now look at both.
Effective use of silence
Sometimes when we talk to people the best thing to say is nothing at all – this especially applies in conversations with women.
Unfortunately, many men don’t know about or ignore the power of clever silences and instead choose to talk incessantly with very few breaks and breaths. And whether they do it because of nerves or out of excitement, the effect is usually the same: the girl is overwhelmed by too many words and therefore tunes out. You can avoid this by making a conscious, unashamed effort to leave 2 or 3 second gaps of silence every so often during your conversation. Doing so not only makes the chat seem more relaxed, it also:
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Gives the girl a chance to talk. Strangely, people feel closer to you the more they talk about themselves while in your company. Allow this advantageous phenomenon to take hold in your conversations by letting comfortable silences take place.
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Highlights the next spoken statement. Something you say after a short pause or silence is given more psychological weight and power than something uttered in a long stream of other, unrelated comments or statements. Use a 2 second silence before your most important statements (such as comments/questions that’ll evoke positive emotional responses from the female) to give them extra persuasive influence.
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Exhibits your confidence. Decisive, self-confident guys aren’t afraid of short silences because they’re strong-minded and comfortable enough to easily accept and cope with them. Show how relaxed you feel in the girl’s company by allowing silences to naturally punctuate your easygoing, fun conversation.
Next we’re going to look at another area of frequently felt contention and confusion among guys, the subject of physical touching between you and the girl you’d like to pickup and seduce. Should you make physical contact first? Did she just touch you by accident or is she trying to tell you she’s interested? Let’s have a look at the subject up close.
Stealth Tactility
When someone makes casual physical contact with another person, be it a hand on a shoulder, pat on the back or rub of a leg, they subliminally indicate that they’re comfortable in that person’s presence and that they trust them. People do it every day
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with people they know, like or love – it’s a mutually felt signal they’re close to each other.
Touching/physical contact is also a necessary component of seduction. You can’t successfully pick-up a girl without first establishing a base level of mutual tactility – I.E. Before you can move in for the kill by kissing and/or sleeping with her, you MUST first have a regular, healthy amount of touching that works both ways, she flirtatiously puts her hand on your knee, you encircle her waist with your arm and pull her a little closer – whatever form the physical contact takes, it has to be present for you to achieve your final goal of actual seduction. And that right there is where the problem for many men lies: how can a guy get the ball rolling when it comes to tactility and physical closeness? If the girl’s not being tactile, how can a guy develop mutual physical closeness without freaking her out or scaring her away?
In short, he uses stealth tactility to slowly build a physical connection under the girl’s defence radar, then – once a base level of tactility has been established – he elevates their mutual physical closeness by using flirtier touches.
Once the conversation is flowing nicely and the girl’s giving out open, relaxed body language signals, prepare to use a stealth tactility technique. All types of stealth tactility appear to have a justified purpose – that’s the reason women react so well to them and don’t freak out and think: “Oh my God, he’s touching me without my permission!” Here are a couple of great examples:
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Helpful Guidance. If a girl’s unfamiliar with the venue you’re in but wants to go to the bathroom or bar, casually move in closer to her (as if to allow her to hear you better over the music or other people’s voices) and with your right hand placed gently on her upper back, guide her around until you’re both facing in the direction of wherever it is she wants to go, then point past all the other people with your
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outstretched left hand and verbally let her know that’s the direction she needs to head in.
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Illustrate a Point/Aid in a Demonstration. Another way to use stealth tactility is to casually touch the girl’s hand or knee, etc. as part of a story you’re telling or game you’re showing her. For example, if you’re talking to a girl under the ‘Roving Reporter’ premise described earlier, you might tell the girl about how you were interviewing another female earlier that day and she told you – in a very serious tone – that most men don’t understand the ‘complex emotional needs of women’. Retell the story in a light-hearted, comical way and go into character, touching the target girl’s knee as if showing her what the woman did to you earlier. This seemingly justified physical contact between you and your target may feel a little awkward initially in her mind, but it’s effectively completely demolishing any invisible barriers that previously existed between you and her – mutual touching from here on out will feel natural and relaxed now that tricky line has been crossed.
Deflection Theory
Imagine you’ve approached a group of 3 or 4 girls and are having a fun little conversation. Your target female is the hottest of the group, a high level 9 out of 10. For some reason, though, she’s not responding that well to your charms – sure, she’s smiling and taking part in the chat, but she isn’t flirting with you much or otherwise showing an elevated interest in you. Her friends, on the other hand, are the opposite: they’re much more enthusiastic and you can tell each is vying for your attention by saying and doing flirty things. This situation is not at all uncommon. It happens because of the following reason:
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When you direct your attention onto a hot girl who’s with her friends, you bump up her ego. She knows you’re most interested in her and likes this feeling of elevated importance. However, she also knows that if she reacts by becoming really flirty and obviously attracted to you, she’ll lose the higher social value she has over her friends (the reason you targeted her in the first place), so she therefore maintains her unattainable, “I’m a bit too good for you” status.
However, you can blow this problem out of the water by using deflection theory. You turn the situation on its head and reverse the psychology of your target female by deflecting your attention away from her and onto one or more of her friends. When you show her friends (who have lower social value/worth than your target female) more attention and affection, you challenge her ego. So, in an effort to regain her superiority in the hierarchy of her circle of friends, she’ll subconsciously invest much more interest in you by flirting and being playful. As so many women do, she gives into wanting what she feels she cannot have – and, of course, you’ll be happy to have her. She is, after all, the hottest of the group and the one you wanted in the first place.
Here are best ways to deflect your attention onto your target’s female friends to quickly get her interested in and attracted to you:
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Direct your open body language onto the girl next to your target female by orientating the facing direction of your torso towards her for 4 or 5 minutes.
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Give all of the girls strong eye contact. However, when you’re talking to your target female, occasionally glance away and towards one of the other girls (who will probably be talking amongst themselves or to your wingman if you’re with one) and give a slight smile before looking back at your target. This jackhammers a sense of competition into the subconscious mind of the girl you’re really interested in and immediately makes her want to fight for your attention.
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Use stealth tactility on one of the target female’s friends. Because stealth tactility appears to have a justified purpose, it won’t appear to be outrageous flirting, but it will be noticed and noted by your actual target female, who’ll react defiantly to it and aim to regain her position as top dog amongst her friends by uncontrollably becoming much more interested in and attracted to you. You, of course, won’t mind this at all.
You can use deflection theory in an almost infinite number of ways. All you need to remember is that for deflection theory to work, your attention must appear to be more on your target’s friends than on her, and her friends must be enjoying that fact. Flirt mildly with them, ask them more questions than you do your target, use proximity and body language manipulation with them more intensely…the list goes on. Remember, though, that when your target female begins to subconsciously react to your use of deflection theory, you should reward her by paying her more attention and focussing on her more intently. From this point forwards, she’ll be your number one focus. And on that note, let’s move onto how to use time breaks to further maximise your success with the opposite sex.
Time Breaks
Even when a conversation with a girl is going really well, closing or sealing the deal can be tricky. This is usually because for the girl – especially if she’s with friends – giving in to your charms after one short conversation can appear as a sign of weakness or easiness. Even the most accomplished pick-up artists struggle to psychologically persuade a girl to come home with them, or take them home, after only an hour or two off sizzling, flirty conversation. It’s just usually not quite long enough to break through the “if I give in to him now, he - and everyone who sees - will think I’m a doormat”
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mentality most women have in the back of their minds. So, to circumvent this you use a time break.
A time break is a little like a time limiter in that it functions as a constraint over how much time you can spend with the girl. However, its usage and results differ slightly to a time limiter. A time limiter is usually used at the start of a conversation to, as you learnt earlier, let the girl know you’re a social character with a high level of worth and that she won’t be stuck with you for ages if the conversation doesn’t go well. A time break, on the other hand, is used in the middle of a conversation that’s already going really well, in which rapport and mutual attraction already exists. Let’s look first at how to introduce a time break, and then we’ll look at the massive benefits using one provides.
In the middle of the conversation (although it’s about to become the end), tell the girl you’ve got to go and meet some friends somewhere else. But, if she likes, you’ll call her later if anything fun turns up, like a good party or something. Say it casually but enthusiastically, something like:
“Hey, listen. I’ve got to go meet a few people now - they’re probably waiting for me. It’s been really fun talking to you, though. – Pause- Hey, I tell you what, I’ll give you a call a little later if something fun turns up and we can carry on what we’ve been talking about.”
Phrasing the time break similarly to the example above achieves the following:
1. It shows that you aren’t subordinate enough to cling onto a conversation with her all night, demonstrating your social value, which is further developed when you mention going somewhere else with friends, where there will no doubt be other hot women like the one you’re talking to.
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2. You confidently make it clear that you like her and would like to continue getting to know her (on your terms!)
3. It gives you a justified, legitimate and seemingly harmless reason to swap numbers with her. Usually getting her number would stand out as an obvious component of seduction – here it’s simply a way to contact her a little later to continue a conversation she’s clearly really enjoying.
One of the most powerful seduction methods is combining a time limiter (that involves saying you’ve got to meet some friends in a little while but ‘can I have your opinion on…’ in the mean time) with a time break (used half an hour or an hour later) that enacts that limiter and therefore allows you to meet her a couple of hours later somewhere else. The power of combining these two techniques is huge – so practising and using them whenever you get the chance is highly recommended!
Another reason so many girls react positively when you use a time break, aside from the fact that they’d really like to continue getting to know you, is because women love demonstrating their ability to do social networking, which is what you’ve allowed your target female to do by agreeing to swap numbers. And there’s yet another psychologically powerful side of time breaks, that relates to what goes on in the subconscious mind of the female when one is used. When a girl considers leaving a club, bar or pub with a guy after talking to him only once, there’s a strong chance she’ll think it’ll make her look and feel like a slut – which will probably put her off the idea completely. However, consider the situation that’s created by using a time break. First, you’ve had a fun and flirty conversation. Then you’ve gone your separate ways after swapping numbers. Later on, after you’ve called her up and arranged to meet in a different bar, pub or cafe, she sees you again – and this time it’s not as a guy she’s only just met, it’s as a friendly face she already knows and likes. There’s a strong feeling your relationship (even though it spans less than 8 or 9 hours) has developed naturally, which
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eradicates the feeling of easiness in her mind and allows her to fall head over heels in love (or, more accurately, lust with you).
Again, I can’t stress the power of time breaks (especially combined with a time limiter used in your opener). They’re the definition of what I mentioned right at the beginning of this book: Special techniques successful seducers constantly use without ever realising how it is they’re using them – and what great results using them helps them achieve.
Dynamic Exhibitions
Most conversations between strangers, or people just getting to know one another, revolve around fairly pedestrian and conventional topics, things like: the weather, their jobs, their hobbies, things in the news, likes and dislikes, etc. The reason people stick to these safe topics is because they’re fully tried and tested and therefore easy to talk about. Anyone can comment on the weather because, as a subject, it’s harmless and there’s little to no chance of saying the wrong thing and screwing up the conversation they’re in. However, men that are highly adept at creating impromptu bonds with women, even though they’re few and far between, know that to give conversations with the opposite sex an extra sense of power and effectiveness, it’s often best to go beyond the somewhat overused subject matter just mentioned. They do you this – just as you can – by using dynamic exhibitions.
A dynamic exhibition is something you do while in conversation with a woman or group of women that demonstrates your authority, dominance and confidence, while at the same time creating an emotionally charged atmosphere. Here are a few examples of powerful dynamic exhibitions:
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A simple magic trick
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Palm Reading
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Numerology demonstrations
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Personality analysis games
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5 question IQ tests
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You might be a little put off by that list; after all, you’re looking to improve your seduction powers, not your gypsy prowess. But don’t worry – being artful in performing dynamic exhibitions is really only a bonus, their main power exists even if you’re not levitating above the cocktail bar or really reading the minds of the girls you’re flirting with. The key point is the fact that you’re using a dynamic exhibition at all, which 99.99% of men do not. So, what’s the best way to use one – without spending 5 years in Clown College or doing a semester in Stanford? Let’s take palm reading as our example. I’ve included a super simple diagram of the basic ‘lines’, but won’t bore you with which means what and all that stuff. You’re free to make up whatever you like and feel comfortable saying. Of course, if you actually do want to say stuff that’s “real,” there’s an abundance of information on the subject of palm reading on the net and in libraries.
Let’s stick to the seduction principles here, though.
There are 3 main times when using a dynamic exhibition such as palm reading is most effective.
1. As an opener. “Excuse me, Hi. Sorry to interrupt you, but would you ladies mind if I tried something? See, I want to practise this thing and think you’d be perfect to help me out with it…”
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2. As part of ‘The Old One, Two’. In ‘The Old One, Two’ opener, if you remember, you start a conversation with a girl using regular topics of conversation, to build a basic level or rapport and trust, then go into something more emotive and engaging straight after. You can actually use a dynamic exhibition as the secondary component of that opener, as a way of building that powerful connection between the two of you and furthering the attraction felt for you in her mind.
3. As part of an add-on ‘promise’. The final way you can use this kind of dynamic exhibition is as part of a time break, such as: “Hey, I have to head off now to meet a few people. Tell you what, though, I’ll give you a call a little later if anything turns up. – Pause – Oh, I’ll show you a cool [insert chosen dynamic exhibition] when we’ve got a little more time, too. Shall we swap numbers?”
Here are the main benefits of using dynamic exhibitions:
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They allow you to demonstrate your confidence and people-skills while engaging the woman/women on an emotional, powerful level.
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Well-chosen dynamic exhibitions (such as palm reading) give you the chance to incorporate stealth tactility (in palm reading you can take a girl’s hand, rest it on your knee, and trace over the different lines on her palm with your finger while talking.)
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You can use a dynamic exhibition on one of your target female’s friends, as part of deflection theory, to challenge her ego and get her more interested in you.
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Most important of all, dynamic exhibitions separate you from the crowd of other guys who regularly hit-on women and fail because of their lack of imagination and social skill.
Advanced Target Isolation
Imagine you’re talking to a girl (your target) and a couple of her friends are chatting to each other off to one side. Building a strong level of rapport with your target female is usually a pretty straightforward task – you ask her about things that stimulate a positive emotional response, you encourage mutual touching/physical contact by first using stealth tactility, etc. However, when it comes to the point in the conversation where you need to begin to round up and perform the close (get her number, arrange to meet again or leave right there and then) her friends suddenly become a problem. They’re fidgety and seem to want to pull your target girl away from her conversation with you and thereby stop you from closing and therefore seducing her. This, as I briefly described earlier, often happens for a couple of different reasons:
1. The other girl(s) notice that you’re attempting to pick-up their friend and become jealous, so make an effort to stop you from going any further by pulling her away or constantly interrupting you or disagreeing with everything you say.
2. The target’s friends feel bored and left-out because you’re giving most of your attention to their friend and not them, so they – again – try to screw things up for you.
There are a few ways you can get around this obstacle if it ever happens to you. Collectively, the techniques you can use are called Advanced Target Isolation and generally involve separating the girl you’re interested in from her friends so you can
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continue or close the pick-up attempt unhindered and successfully. Here are your options.
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Local Relocation. A local relocation involves taking your target away from her friends for an apparently justified reason (so the friends don’t object and so your target agrees) to somewhere within your current location. For example, if you’re in a club or bar, you might lean towards your target and whisper in her ear: “Hey, how ‘bout we go look at the jukebox, see if we can find some good tunes to put on that we both like?” As you both stand up, you can turn and casually say to her friends: “We’re just gonna check out the jukebox, back in a sec…” Because you’ve given a justified reason and because you both stood up together at the same time, it’s highly unlikely your target’s friends will object. After all, what can they say? Once at the jukebox, or bar, or wherever you’ve relocated your target to, you’ve got 5 or ten minutes to really build some strong rapport and attraction – free from the prying eyes of her over-protective friends. And, if you feel you’re ready, you can even perform the close here, by getting her number or suggesting, quite flirtatiously, that you truly get to the bottom of whether Prince is better than Michael Jackson (or whatever else you’ve been jokily arguing about at the jukebox) over a cup of coffee tomorrow.
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External Relocation. If you’re in a college library or somewhere else where a local relocation such as the one above isn’t possible, you can use an external relocation. When you get a chance, casually and quietly (it’s important your target female agrees to what you suggest before her friends know anything about it) ask her if she’s hungry or thirsty, and if she is, mention a great little place you know down the street that does amazing fresh sandwiches and ice-cold milkshakes. If she agrees, which she problem will if you’ve built up enough rapport and if she’s a little peckish, stand up or turn to her friends and again, casually – like it’s the smallest thing in the world – say you’re both going to grab a bite and will be back soon. At this, most
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troublesome friends get the hint that their girlfriend is digging the guy she’s just met and know that trying to interrupt that connection would cause more trouble than it would prevent. So, you’re free to spend some one-on-one time with the girl you like.
Let’s now look at psychological technique for building extra rapport and affection with a girl that you could use after isolating her with a local or external relocation or, for that matter, during a conversation when annoying friends aren’t a factor. It’s a topic related to non-verbal communication that I’ve already referenced a couple of times so far, called Mirroring.
Mirroring
People that have similar beliefs, attitudes and opinions usually tend to get along. You see it happening all over the place, strangers forming small groups based on age brackets, employment types, their class or the car they own. People who have things in common naturally feel closer to each other than strangers that can find no common ground between themselves and their fellow man or woman. Things are a little different in the seduction game, however, because a different set of rules exists than those present in other social situations, like job interviews and company picnics. And it’s because the rules are so different that you cannot rely on sharing the same opinion or belief as a girl to automatically guarantee you’re going to get on like a house on fire. You’ve already seen how crazy girls can act in the pick-up game when they’re jealous or feel their egos have been challenged – the world of seduction operates on its own terms.
So, how can you give yourself the best chance of forming a solid bond with a girl and building definite, undeniable rapport if belief systems and mutually shared attitudes just don’t cut it? Once again, you enact subliminal psychology – this time by using advanced
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mirroring techniques. Use the following methods to silently form a subconscious bond between you and the girl you’ve targeted:
Body Language and Gesture Mirroring:
As you already know, when both you and your target female are displaying open, relaxed body language (you yourself are doing so consciously, of course), it’s a safe bet that things are already going pretty well between the two of you. But you can further heighten the bond created through non-verbal communication by mirroring her other types of body language and some of the gestures she makes. Such as:
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If you’re sitting at a table together and you notice she has her legs crossed over one another at the ankle, do the same. Although it’s an extremely subtle change in your body positioning, she’ll pick up on it subconsciously, especially when other things you do begin to correspond with her own body language and gestures.
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Say she brushes something off her cheek with a casual wave of her hand while talking, you do the same. Any movement of her hands can be emulated, whether she picks up her wine glass to take a sip, or fiddles with her fork while you’re waiting for food. Keep a close watch for these kinds of hand movements and gestures.
Here’s something you absolutely must bear in mind, though, if you want your attempts at mirroring to be as effective as they possibly can be: try not to directly mimic her. Instead, you should subtly reflect her general movement or body language signal 30 seconds or so after she makes it. Touching your chin a split second after she touches hers could prove counter-productive, so wait just a moment. Also, mirroring works at least 50% better when you don’t make the exact same movement or gesture as her, but instead perform a similar but slightly different action. For example, if she picks up her wine glass to take a sip, you can bring your hand up from your side and very casually
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rub your lower lip for a moment. It’s the hand-to-mouth gesture you’re emulating, you see, and not the specific thing she’s done. Emulating her gestures, as opposed to directly copying them, allows the fact that you’re doing the same things to slip under her radar of conscious thought and instead be picked up and processed by her subliminal, subconscious thought process – which is the same type of thought used to decide whether or not she likes and is attracted to you.
Speech Speed & Rhythm
This method of mirroring actually falls under the verbal category of communication, but it’s effectiveness in boosting the rapport and emotional connection between you and a girl is just as powerful as the non-verbal mirroring techniques above.
10 minutes or so into your conversation with a girl, get a feel for the way she’s using her voice and speech pattern. Is she speaking slowly, quickly, a little of both? Also, what’s her speech rhythm like? Does she sometimes start out speaking quite slowly then quicken up as she finishes the comment she’s making?
Your goal is to subtly mirror her speech pattern and rhythm. So take note of the volume she’s using as you talk and the pace with which she’s speaking and incorporate what you notice into the way you talk back to her.
Word Choice
This type of mirroring is especially effective in silently building the idea in the girl’s mind that, although she can’t quite put her finger on it, you two really have something in common and seem to get along really well. It involves listening out for special words the girl uses quite regularly when describing people, places and situations and peppering the
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same word or words into your own comments and descriptions. For example, the girl might tend to use the word “great” a lot when talking. “Oh, it was great! The place we visited was amazing, with great big statues and monuments and stuff.” Also, listen out for the way the girl describes things. Does she tend to focus more on how things looked and sounded? Or does she more often tell you about how things felt and the emotions she or other people experienced? Once again, take note and emulate what you find in your own speech. If she uses the word “feel” or “felt” a lot, you do the same when you get the chance.
Third Parties
If you don’t happen to have a wingman or wingwoman to help support and improve your pick-up game, you can instead use a third-party to unwittingly boost your appeal in the target female’s mind. The benefits of roping in a third party to unwittingly heighten and demonstrate your dominance, social value and attractiveness are multi-faceted.
Let’s look at a couple of examples of how to use a third party before analyzing the advantages doing so offers you.
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The Helpful Vendor. A good person to use as a third party is someone you know will be around and available whenever you need to cleverly rope them into your psychological game. One profession that suits this requirement perfectly is the vendor. For example, you’ve introduced yourself to a girl who was sitting alone reading a book in a bar by using your preferred method of opening and have been talking for 20 minutes or so. You suggest getting a drink at bar and she agrees. At the bar, you get back to flirtatiously debating something you were talking about earlier and you decide to ask the barman for his opinion. Calling the barman over, you half jokingly grill him on the topic at hand, with a slight smile on your face. The
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girl watches on, smiling too, interrupting you to get her side of the story across to the barman. It’s a fun, light-hearted exchange.
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The Bystander. Same situation again, you’ve been chatting to a girl for 20 minutes and things are going well, the conversation is fun and relaxed. She’s displayed strong, open body language and eye contact is strong and flirty. Again, you’ve been teasingly arguing with her over something minor, you’re both using it to play with each other and generally spice up the conversation. There’s a couple sitting behind you and you turn around, wait for them to look up to see what you want, and then you ask them what they think: “Could I ask you for your opinion on something, guys? See, I think Pepsi’s the way forward, but my friend here, Betty (not her name and you know it), thinks Coke’s a million times better. Could I ask you what you think? Maybe you can help convince her…or me!”
Okay, let’s look at the benefits using a third party, as in the examples above, offers you:
1. Asking a complete stranger for their opinion, while in the company of the girl you’ve just met, allows you to give a supreme display of effortless confidence and courage. Your social value is immediately boosted in her mind. Also, the fact that you can clearly introduce yourself to anyone and get talking with them demonstrates that you didn’t just make an exception for her, which stops her ego from being unduly inflated while at the same time reinforces your status as a social creature with high personal worth – both traits being necessary components when creating attraction in the minds of women.
2. When you bring a third party into the mix, a psychological comparison is made in the mind of the female. She sees the stranger (third party) and she sees you – her subliminal conclusion is that she has more of a connection with you than the person that’s just been introduced to her and her immediate reality (through you
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asking them for their opinion) and –thanks to the law of contrast mentioned earlier in this book – you therefore appear more likeable and attractive than the third party. You can further increase this effect by choosing people (whoever your third party may be) that conform to the rules mentioned in the Advanced Wingman/Wingwoman info section earlier. So, for example, you’re much better off using another hot girl as a third party (say, an 8 out of 10) than you are a guy (who’s also about an 8 in the looks department. Also, by using a female as a third party, you’re able to incorporate deflection theory into the mix.
3. Lastly, when you use a third party as an unwitting wingman or wingwoman, you’re given the opportunity to be indirectly flirty with the girl you’ve just met. A quick example of this was used in the second example, when you called her Betty, which certainly wasn’t her real name. When you make a flirty joke like this while talking to a third party, its power and effectiveness is much higher than if you said it one-on-one to the girl.
Playing With Internal Consistency
Everyone, male or female women, feels an important need to be consistent with the things they say, do and feel. If we’re flaky and liable to change at the drop of a hat what we believe or have promised, we know that people are likely to judge and mistrust us. This commonly felt sense of importance regarding the need to be consistent within ourselves can be exploited when attempting to seduce a woman. Here’s how:
1. Open with a girl as usual and start a conversation. As she talks about things, places, people, whatever, listen out for times when she describes doing something that could be considered spontaneous and adventurous. For example,
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she might describe a time when she went to Mexico and had a go on a zip-line that stretched from a cliff-top to a lake below.
2. When you hear something along the right lines, express how impressed you are with what she’s said: “Wow, that’s great!” She’ll probably continue to talk for a few more seconds: “Yeah, it was amazing, so fun!”
3. Now you plant the seed that’ll be used later on, by saying: “That’s really cool. You’re spontaneous then, obviously. It sounds like a real adventure.” Nod slightly as you commend her on her bravery and spontaneity and remember to casually state that she’s spontaneous or brave or adventurous, instead of asking outright: “Are you spontaneous?”
4. Let the conversation continue as normal now, moving from topic to topic naturally and easily, you’re free to use whatever other seduction techniques you like during this time (use of a third party for example, or maybe some stealth tactility).
5. Later down the line, just before you come to closing with the girl and getting her number or arranging something, try to subtly remind her once more that she’s a spontaneous
risk-taker
who
enjoys
excitement
and adventure.
Doing
so
effectively book-ends your conversation in her mind with the feeling that she really is as out-going and spur-of-the-moment as you’ve said and she’s verbally agreed to being. She’ll now feel a natural, powerful and subliminal urge to stay consistent with those feelings and attributes you’ve established in her mind. And when it comes to getting a girl’s number or persuading her to come home with you or allow you to do the reverse, spontaneity and free-thinking are great assets/characteristics for her to possess.
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Next we’ll look at another way of subconsciously planting a special feeling in a girl’s mind that – just like in playing with internal consistency – you can use to create a strong, undeniable feeling in her mind that she’s deeply attracted to you.
Advanced Anchoring
Pavlov, a Russian Scientist, used the ringing of a bell to make a dog salivate at the thought of being given food. The same theory, of connecting one sound, touch or concept, to a special feeling or mood and then using one to enact the other at a later time, can be used by guys in the seduction game.
The most effective type of anchoring, when trying to create attraction and rapport between yourself and a hot girl, are those created by your touch. By carefully choosing when and where to casually make contact with a girl’s hand, back, or even knee, you can subconsciously anchor a feeling of excitement, romance, adventure, or passion in her mind. Then, once repeated several times to firmly tie the touch to the mood, emotion or feeling, you can use it later to your advantage by repeating the physical contact.
Here’s an example of how to do it:
You’ve joined a girl on a park bench after approaching and opening successfully and have been chatting for a couple of minutes. The conversation’s going well and you’re both having a good time. Now you get ready to begin the anchoring. When she laughs or breaks out in a massive smile at something you’ve said, you do the same while simultaneously leaning towards her and gently touching the outside of her arm, near the elbow. Conceal the touch, as if it’s a part of the moment you’re both experiencing and nothing more. Repeat the same touch whenever a similar ultra-happy moment takes
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place and also when she talks in detail about times she felt really good about herself or especially excited or happy. Doing so links the elbow touch with those feelings in her mind – both the happy feeling of you laughing together and the past memories of her feeling good. You can now use that touch later on, whenever you’d like her to suddenly feel excited and alive – a great time to use an anchored feeling of excitement is just before or while you’re closing, which makes what you’re offering (whether it’s swapping phone numbers, meeting again, or going back to her place) a much more attractive option in her mind.
Okay, we’ve so far covered how to properly prepare yourself before playing the pick-up game, how to scope for women once you’re ready, how to approach those girls in the best possible way and, of course, how to inject powerful psychology into your conversations with women to create a strong feeling of attraction and desire in their minds. The hard work is essentially over – all that’s left is the subject of closing.
Closing
Closing - that is, the act of ‘sealing the deal’ with a girl in some way or another - always feels a little like a leap of faith. Plenty of guys have been in the position where they’ve felt the conversation they’ve just had with a girl has been a raving success, only to find that asking for their number results in a shaking of the girl’s head. As such, most men see closing as a gamble, like a roll of the dice. And it is.
However, there are ways to make the odds swing heavily in your favour and decrease the chance of the girl responding negatively to you with massive results. First, always bear the following golden rule in mind:
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Closing should never come as a nasty surprise to the girl; it should instead feel like the natural outcome to what has been a great conversation, full or energy and attraction.
To avoid the close coming as an unwanted shock, always ensure you’ve laid the proper groundwork first by building a strong level of rapport and connection between you and the girl during your conversation. Secondly, make your close – just as you should do with your openers – more effective by applying subtle forms of psychology to them. Here are 3 powerful ways to do just that.
The Add-On Principle
Salesman and advertisers often use a technique called “Sweetening the Pot” to make an offer seem more attractive to their potential customers - for example, a free toy in a box of cereal or a 2 for 1 offer in a local supermarket. You can do the same thing – and make the idea of spending more time with you seem more attractive to the girl you’d like to seduce - by carefully constructing how you phrase your closer. Do this by using the addon principle. Think of a reason you should meet up again (aside from the obvious!) that you can incorporate into your closing statement. You’ve already encountered one when we looked at the subject of time breaks, which was:
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“Hey, listen. I’ve got to go meet a few people now - they’re probably waiting for me. It’s been really fun talking to you, though. – Pause- Hey, I tell you what, I’ll give you a call a little later if something fun turns up and we can carry on what we’ve been talking about.”
The add-on here is the “something fun” that might turn up, which seems to justify the reason for swapping numbers. And that’s something else to remember when closing:
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never ask for her number only, instead, either swap numbers (to keep the balance of power right) or arrange there and then when and where you’ll meet up next. Okay, here’s another perfect example of an add-on you can use as part of your closer.
•
“Well, it’s been really fun talking to you. I’ve got to make a phone call to a friend now, supposed to be helping her out with her car, but listen, do you want to swap numbers…it’d be good to talk more about [insert a subject you talked about that you could tell she really enjoyed]”
This example’s extra powerful because in it you mention having to make a phone call to a female friend, which puts your target female at ease, she thinks: “He obviously talks harmlessly to girls on the phone all the time, it surely wouldn’t hurt to swap numbers.” Remember, a good add-on makes it clear that there’s a valid and justified reason for you to get together again, that isn’t selfish on your part. Make your closer feel genuine and enthusiastic and the girl is sure to respond positively.
The Power of ‘Yes’
Here’s a quick and easy way to prep your closer and really improve the chances of your target female responding well to it. Again, it utilizes the universal feeling we all have that consistency is a good thing. The theory goes like this:
When people repeatedly say ‘yes’ or ‘yeah’ in conversations, a special type of consistency is naturally developed that can be carried over to your main request (asking for their number, saying you should meet again, etc.) Take advantage of this principle by encouraging your target female to give several ‘yes’ responses in quick succession. You can do this by using subtle and casual responses after she says things, like: “Really?” and “Do you?” Match your response to what she’s just said and ensure it takes
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the form of a question that you’re sure will prompt a ‘yes’ response from her. Getting between 3 and 6 of these positive responses is usually enough to allow the principle to work.
At the same time, avoid asking questions or saying things near the end of your conversation, just before you’re about to close, that could possibly evoke negative reactions or “no” responses from the female - Doing so helps develop an internal sense of positivity in the female that carries over in her mind when you perform the actual close and tips the balance in the direction of agreement to your request or suggestion.
Option Limitation
Option limitation takes advantage of another psychological phenomenon that involves how people react when their options are restricted, as opposed to how they respond when they feel they have a number of options to choose from. When someone’s presented with only a single choice, often their natural reaction will be to rebel against what they’ve been offered and go their own way. However, when given 2 or 3 options, the opposite occurs: they feel their intellectual freedom has been respected and they make their choice from the variety of options they’ve been presented with.
You can use option limitation in your closer by giving a girl two options to choose from, both of which are fully acceptable to you. For example, instead of saying: “Shall we swap numbers?” as your closer, you’d say: “It’s been nice to meet you. Shall we shall numbers or maybe grab a bite to eat and a drink tomorrow?” It’s a subtle yet effective way of giving the girl a choice between good and better, instead of – as in the first example – only presenting her with one choice and therefore allowing her to create and possibly choose the other option, which is “No, let’s not swap numbers.”
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You can use any two options when using option limitation; just remember to always try and use the word “or” to separate them. This helps to quickly guide the girl’s choice making thought process down one of the paths you’ve given her, as opposed to one she’s thought up herself.
Of course, there’s always a chance she really won’t want to swap numbers, get some food, go for a drink or whatever else it is you’ve suggested. If, after using option limitation, she doesn’t go for one of your acceptable options, you know that the groundwork – consisting of good rapport and sexual attraction – must not have been properly in place. Therefore, nothing you could have used to close would have done the trick, because the key work hadn’t already been done earlier on.
However, it’s unlikely you’ll ever feel bold enough to close, with or without option limitation or the add-on principle, unless you have a strong and undeniable feeling that the girl has bonded with you and really would love to continue “getting to know you.” Consider this a perfect piece of risk management and something that’ll really help you when it comes to sealing the deal with any beautiful girl.
The Contact Close
Lastly, we have the contact close. This ultra-simple rule of thumb should be used whenever possible alongside a non-immediate closer to maximise its effectiveness.
Whenever you close with anything other than an immediate hook-up, I.E. Going back to her place, to your place, to a hotel, or wherever, you should use a contact close. A contact close involves making close physical contact with the girl right after you swap numbers or arrange when and where to meet up again. Doing this underlines in her mind the connection she has made with you and thereby increases her desire to see it
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continue in one form or another – this is important when performing a close that won’t immediately result in your end goal, because it helps guarantee that she’ll remember and think about you until you meet or speak again.
Try to use stealth tactility throughout your conversation so that when you come to perform the contact close (a kiss on her cheek, a hug and a kiss, etc.) it feels natural and warranted in the girl’s subconscious mind.
And that concludes the 4 main stages of seduction: scoping, approach/opening, conversation and closing. We’ve come a long way through the world of advanced seduction and we’re about ready for a full strategy recap. So let’s do just that.
Your Roadmap to Seduction Success
You’ve absorbed a hell of a lot of information since you began reading this advanced seduction guide. As such, it’s important to have a clear strategy recap before jumping in at the deep end and trying out what you’ve learnt. We call this having a ‘roadmap to seduction success’ – it’s a way of tidying up everything you’ve read about into clear, useable information in your mind that can be applied whenever you feel like it, in bars, parks, colleges, workplaces, you name it.
The roadmap has 2 simple stages:
Stage One: Preparation
Remember, the first thing to focus on is that your appearance conforms to the basic rules of the game, so that you don’t disadvantage yourself before you even begin scoping and approaching girls. This doesn’t mean running out to getting plastic surgery if
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you think you’re not good looking enough to have a chance at seducing supermodels. All you need to do is make sure that:
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The clothes you wear match your target audience. I.E. Dress appropriately for the occasion. Usually this means wearing fairly trendy clothes that suit and compliment you as much as possible.
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Your shoes should be clean and pretty new. Even though footwear means squat when it comes to our personalities, some women still judge men on it – don’t give them the chance to do it to you.
•
The cologne you wear should be a subtle surprise, not overwhelming and off-putting. Quick dabs on your neck and wrists are always better than extended sprays under your arms!
The second thing to focus on is:
All of the P’s:
We looked at these right back at the start of this journey through psychology, behaviour and technique.
•
Proper Perspective. Don’t let the pick-up game overpower your other interests and hobbies or otherwise warp your perspective. Keep in mind that a relaxed, easy-going and confident approach to life – the game of seduction included – is infinitely more attractive to the opposite sex than an obsessive, manic way of doing things.
•
Playing the Numbers Game. You have to get out there and sell yourself if you want regular and consistent success with women. Playing the numbers game, which
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means scoping and approaching at least a few women a week to start with, is vital in achieving your end goal, whether it’s sex, love or marriage – or all of the above.
•
Positivity. Stay focussed and positive. Failure is part of the road to success, so let messing up slide off you like water of a duck’s back. It means nothing in the big scheme of things and doesn’t change your overall chances at picking up and seducing the woman or women of your dreams.
Stage 2: Selection and Application
This final part of the roadmap to seduction success is perhaps the easiest of all. First, you need to remember that using all of the seduction techniques you’ve learnt about on one girl, in one evening, is next to impossible and definitely not advisable. Instead, you need to select which ones to use depending on the circumstances at hand. For example:
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You’re in a bar and want to approach a girl who’s with a couple of her friends. In this situation, you could choose to use to approach and open using the valued opinion opener, then move onto using deflection theory on one of your target’s friends. As things progress and her interest in you increases, you focus more on her until you feel the time is right to attempt a close, be it swapping numbers or using a time break to meet up with her later.
Or:
•
You have your eye on a girl who works in your office and decide to talk to her at the copy machine. You open with ‘The Old One, Two’, starting the conversation with regular, work related subject matter. Then, as the second part of the opener, you use a quick dynamic exhibition to build the rapport and demonstrate your confidence and personal worth. You ask her 4 questions (prepared in your mind beforehand)
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that make up a ‘personality test’. After she answers and you give her the results flirtatiously, you go your separate ways. You know that you’ve laid some solid groundwork that, next time you see each other, will allow you to take things much further, perhaps you’ll invite her our for a drink or, if you prefer, you’ll continue to build an attraction for you in her mind by mirroring her body language and word choice, or using any number of other advanced seduction techniques. The ball is truly in your court.
And that about wraps it up; it’s now up to you to put what you’ve learnt into practice in whatever way you see fit. But remember, you now possess a knowledge of the seduction game that most men never get the chance to learn and apply to their lives.
Practice hard and use it wisely!
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