The Frame Control Bible
by Nick Sparks
www.thesocialman.com
Frame Control: What is it?
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Every person has an interpretation of the world (their frame)
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Reality is always malliable and is subject to interpretation
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Whoever is more convinced of their interpretation will influence the interpretation of everyone around them
What is Frame Control Dependant On?
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Her level of trust and comfort with you
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The “strength” of your frame
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The “attractiveness” of your frame
Her Level of Trust and Comfort
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A woman won’t adopt your frame if she doesn’t trust, like, or feel safe with you
Developing a Strong Frame
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Can be done directly or indirectly
Direct frame development: Reinforcement of frame through concious thoughts. IE: “She really wants to kiss me right now”
Indirect frame development: Expressing a particular frame to others, even if you don’t fully believe it and getting positive feedback that will strengthen that frame
Developing an Attractive Frame
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Certain frames of reality are more attractive than others
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Positive vs. negative frames
We’ll look at specific attractive frames in a bit
Is Frame Control Manipulation?
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Human beings, esp. women are looking for leadership
If your frame is a selfish one, i.e. “I want women to worship me because it will make me feel good about myself”, then women will be less likely to adopt your frame
Conversely, if your frame is one that will benefit her she is more likely to follow, i.e. “We are going to have an amazing night together”
Key take-away:Your frame should always be based on mutual-benefit
Frame Control Happens On Two Levels
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Physical: How you move your body and the amount of physical touch you initiate
Verbal: The words that come out of your mouth that will set the tone of an interaction
Key: As long as she trusts you and your frame is strong and attractive, she will follow your lead.
Don’t Do What ‘Donnie Don’t’ Does
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Donnie keeps physical touching low because his frame is that touching is awkward - and thus she follows his lead
Donnie waits for obvious indicators of interest from a woman to escalate, and is thus is dependant on her frame
Donnie isn’t sure if a woman will like him or not and therefore, neither is she
Her Frame When She Is Approached
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This guy looks fun. I want to talk to him
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He doesn’t look like the kind of guy I want to talk to
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I’m having a girls night
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I’m not interested in being “picked up”
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Why can’t I find a man?
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I have a guy already and am not interested in being picked up
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I look terrible tonight, no guy would want me
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I look hot, I can have my pick of men in here
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An infinite possibility of things
Sometimes Her Frame Is Strong
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Example: If a married woman is totally in love with her husband, her frame that she’s not interested in meeting a new guy is probably very strong.
In this case, you probably won’t be able to get her in bed. This has nothing to do with you
Sometimes, Her Frame is Malleable
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She is looking for a stronger, more attractive frame from a guy she feels comfortable with
Donnie’s Frame When Approaching
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I’m going to open and run a routine and then look for IOI’s
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I hope she likes me
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She’s out of my league
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She can have her pick out of every guy in here
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I’m not really sure if that was an IOI or not
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She’s on her phone, I can’t talk to her
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If I get her, I win. If not, I lose.
How Does Donnie Communicate This Frame?
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Weak eye contact
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Looking to her for approval after he says something
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Appearing displeased if she doesn’t give the reaction he’s looking for
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Running for cover if he’s not greeted with smiles
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Being oblivious to her reaction
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Speaking in a “defeated” tone
The Correct Frame When Approaching
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This woman is attractive, I’d like to get to know her better
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She will have a better time talking to me than not
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If she doesn’t like me at first, it’s simply because she doesn’t know me well enough yet
I wonder what’s going on in her world
How Do You Communicate This Frame?
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Strong eye contact
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Looking away with a smile on your face after you say something
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Appearing happy and content regardless of her reaction
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Standing strong if you don’t get positive reactions at first because you know they’ll come
Paying attention to what she’s saying and feeling so you can vibe with her instead of trying to bulldoze her with your own words
Speaking as though you couldn’t be more sure of the words coming out of your mouth
Donnie’s Frame When Escalating
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I think she wants me to touch her now
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I hope she lets me kiss her
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I better wait for another IOI before I try anything
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If I get her number I’ll be such a baller
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What if she doesn’t like me touching her?
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When is the right time???
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She didn’t like my touching, looks like this one is lost
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If she does like me touching her, I can escalate further until she tells me to stop
How Does Donnie Communicate this frame?
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Nervously sliding his hand to her back and waiting for her response
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Getting excited because he’s getting a number
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Waiting for some signal from her to make a move
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Awkwardly going for a kiss before the vibe is right
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Acting withdrawn and bitter if she denies his advances
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Mechanically increasing the level of touch until she stops him
The Correct Frame When Escalating
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She’s cool, I want to make her feel good by getting close to her
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She’s sexy, we would both melt if we kissed right now
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Why wouldn’t she want more touching?
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She’s smiling and talking to me, she wants me to take things further
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I need that number so we can see each other again
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This feels good. It’s so the right time
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She didn’t like my touching? It’s ok, some people are less comfortable with themselves than I am
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I want to touch her to make her feel good, but she’ll also like it if I pull back for a moment to build the tension
How Do You Communicate This Frame?
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Moving closer to her - not just trying to touch her
Acting as though the number exchange is an inconvenience on the road to getting to getting to know her better
Make a move because you want to because you can’t help how attracted to her
Understand if she denies your advances but remain unapologetic since you can’t help it in the first place
Move in to make both of you feel good, and then move away for a moment to make the touching more powerful
Of Course It’s Not That Easy
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A woman will test your frame...
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not to be a bitch (most of the time) but...
She needs to know if you’re more than a figment of her imagination
I Love Tests
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She needs to know if you’re really a strong, confident, sexy man who goes after what he wants or if you’re full of shit
Being strong enough to pass a woman’s tests makes you strong enough to pass the world’s tests
The Frame Control Cheat Sheet
Everything You’ll Ever Need Pass Every Test
Non-verbal Tests
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Anytime she pulls, turns, or looks away
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The answer: Mirror
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Although your instinct may be to try and get her attention back, it stems from insecurity
Instead, pull, turn, and look away as well. After demonstrating your non-neediness, face each other and continue where you left off
Responding to Verbal Tests
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In general:You are unflinching
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Important: Keep eye contact
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Speak slowly and 100% sure of yourself
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Move a bit closer as you answer
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Keep a half smile on your face to show you’re unfazed
“So what do you do?”
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This usually isn’t even a test; Girls want to make sure that you’re not a psycho - having a job is a good way to communicate that
You can be evasive once, but answer honestly the second time
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“A little bit of this, a little bit of that”
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“I run this town”
“You’re Such a Player”
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“I can’t help it if girls like me”
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“I don’t do it on purpose”
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“Takes one to know one”
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“Yeah but only a little bit”
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“I just really love women. It’s not my fault”
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“Women just always seduce me. I don’t want to be rude and shoot them down”
“I’m not going home with you”
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“You really shouldn’t. I mean I know I can behave myself but I really can’t trust you”
“Of course you’re not, I barely know you”
“You’re right. I mean I would love to cuddle with you but you would probably try to seduce me”
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“Whoa, I never invited you. Although that’s not a bad idea”
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“Aww, you’re funny”
She turns from your kiss
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“How dare you seduce me and then turn away” (With a disconnect)
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“That’s too bad, that would have been fun.”
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“There’s a good chance that you’ll regret that later”
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“Ohh I got the cheek, I’m going to be scarred for life now. How can you live with yourself”
“I love it when a girl turns away like that. Can you promise you’ll never kiss me? That was way more fun”
“I’m too much for you”
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“Oh yeah, I can tell I wouldn’t be able to keep up with that” (Sarcastically)
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“Darling, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into”
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“You’re right, he looks more your speed” (Point to awkward guy)
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“Ooh, you sound like fun”
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“I like my chances”
“I only date ‘X’”
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“I bet you don’t”
“That’s cool. I don’t really have a type. Life’s more fun when you try everything”
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“That’s too bad, this would have been fun”
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“‘X’ and guys who (describe yourself positively) of course”
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“Well I’m not ‘X’, so how are we going to make this work?
“I don’t even know you”
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“You’re right. This is crazy”
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“I know. It’s a good thing we’re attracted to each other”
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“I know.You really shouldn’t be looking at me like that”
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“It’s funny, I was just thinking the exact same thing about you”
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“You’re right. Hi, I’m Nick”
“Why should I give you my number?”
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“You really shouldn’t. We’d end up spending too much time together and we’d never get anything done”
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“Because you’d love to talk to me more, don’t be silly”
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“Because you haven’t done enough nice things for yourself yet today”
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“I probably wouldn’t if I were you, but you like me for some crazy reason”
“Because life will be more fun”
“You’re so full of Shit”
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“Of course I am but you love it”
“Darling, you really should trust people more.You’ll thank me for that advice later”
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“It’s pretty ironic that you’re telling me that right now” (laughing)
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“Maybe, but what if I wasn’t?”
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“It’s a good thing that you like that in a guy”
Transitioning
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After you pass her test, simply go right back to where you were before
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Get to know each other better
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Escalate, both persoanlly and physically
Framing Her
Making Her Whoever You Want Her to Be
Women Want to feel Sexy
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How you treat a woman will determine how she behaves toward you
Donnie Don’t
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Frames Donnie puts on a woman:
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“You’re so difficult”
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“You’re so moody”
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“You’re so much work”
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“You’re a pain”
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“You’re boring”
Why do you think Donnie only finds difficult, boring, and moody pains-in-theasses?
Attractive frames
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Frames you should put on a woman:
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“You’re so much fun”
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“You’re trouble” (in a good way)
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“You’re trying to seduce me”
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“Stop looking at me like that”
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“You’re sexy”
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“You’re so spontaneous and adventurous”
Don’t be surprised when you find fun, adventurous, spontaneous, seductive, and sexy women who look at you like “that”
