Forrest Gump Winston Groom
Pocket Books (November 1994) Language: English ISBN1!: !"#1$%"!"$ ISBN1&: 9#'!"#1$%"!"
or imbo *ea+or an+ ,eorge -a+cli../ho have al/a0s ma+e a oint o. being kin+ to orrest an+ his .rien+s2
3here is a leasure sure in being ma+ /hich none but ma+men kno/2 r0+en
1
Let me sa0 this: bein a i+iot is no bo5 o. chocolates2 Peole laugh6 lose atience6 treat 0ou shabb02 shabb02 No/ the0 sa0s .olks sose+ to be kin+ to the a..licte+6 but let me tell 0ouit ain7t al/a0s that /a02 /a02 Even so6 I got no comlaints6 cause I reckon I +one live a rett0 interestin li.e6 so to seak2 I been a i+iot since I /as born2 *0 I8 is near #!6 /hich uali.ies me6 so the0 sa02 sa02 Probl06 tho6 I7m closer to bein a imbecile or ma0be even a moron6 but ersonall06 I7+ rather think o. m0se. as like a hal./it 6 or somethinan not no i+iotcause /hen eole think o. a i+iot6 more7n likel0 the0 be thinkin o. one o. them *ongolian i+iots the ones /ith the0 e0es too close together /hat look like hinamen an +rool a lot an la0 /ith the0sel.s2 No/ I7m slo/I7ll slo/I7ll grant 0ou that6 but I7m robl0 robl0 a lot brighter than than .olks think6 cause cause /hat goes on in m0 min+ is a sight +i..erent than /hat .olks see2 or instance6 I can think things rett0 goo+6 but /hen I got to tr0 sa0in sa0in or /ritin them6 it kin+a come out like ;ello or somethin2 I7ll sho/ 0ou /hat I mean2 3he other +a06 +a06 I7m /alkin +o/n the street an this man /as out /orkin in his 0ar+2
= an I sa0s6 =?hhuh6= an so he sets me to movin +irt2 amn near ten or t/elve /heelbarro/s o. +irt6 in the heat o. the +a06 truckin it all over creation2 @hen I7m thru he reach in his ocket .or a +ollar2 @hat I shoul+a +one /as raise+ ain about the lo/ /ages6 but instea+6 I took the +amn +ollar an all I coul+ sa0 /as =thanks= or somethin +umbsoun+in like that6 an I /ent on +o/n the street6 /a++in an un/a++in that +ollar in
or imbo *ea+or an+ ,eorge -a+cli../ho have al/a0s ma+e a oint o. being kin+ to orrest an+ his .rien+s2
3here is a leasure sure in being ma+ /hich none but ma+men kno/2 r0+en
1
Let me sa0 this: bein a i+iot is no bo5 o. chocolates2 Peole laugh6 lose atience6 treat 0ou shabb02 shabb02 No/ the0 sa0s .olks sose+ to be kin+ to the a..licte+6 but let me tell 0ouit ain7t al/a0s that /a02 /a02 Even so6 I got no comlaints6 cause I reckon I +one live a rett0 interestin li.e6 so to seak2 I been a i+iot since I /as born2 *0 I8 is near #!6 /hich uali.ies me6 so the0 sa02 sa02 Probl06 tho6 I7m closer to bein a imbecile or ma0be even a moron6 but ersonall06 I7+ rather think o. m0se. as like a hal./it 6 or somethinan not no i+iotcause /hen eole think o. a i+iot6 more7n likel0 the0 be thinkin o. one o. them *ongolian i+iots the ones /ith the0 e0es too close together /hat look like hinamen an +rool a lot an la0 /ith the0sel.s2 No/ I7m slo/I7ll slo/I7ll grant 0ou that6 but I7m robl0 robl0 a lot brighter than than .olks think6 cause cause /hat goes on in m0 min+ is a sight +i..erent than /hat .olks see2 or instance6 I can think things rett0 goo+6 but /hen I got to tr0 sa0in sa0in or /ritin them6 it kin+a come out like ;ello or somethin2 I7ll sho/ 0ou /hat I mean2 3he other +a06 +a06 I7m /alkin +o/n the street an this man /as out /orkin in his 0ar+2 = an I sa0s6 =?hhuh6= an so he sets me to movin +irt2 amn near ten or t/elve /heelbarro/s o. +irt6 in the heat o. the +a06 truckin it all over creation2 @hen I7m thru he reach in his ocket .or a +ollar2 @hat I shoul+a +one /as raise+ ain about the lo/ /ages6 but instea+6 I took the +amn +ollar an all I coul+ sa0 /as =thanks= or somethin +umbsoun+in like that6 an I /ent on +o/n the street6 /a++in an un/a++in that +ollar in
m0 han+6 .eelin like a i+iot2 Aou see /hat I mean> No/ I kno/ somethin bout i+iots2 i+iots2 Probl0 the onl0 thing I +o kno/ bout6 bout6 but I +one rea+ rea+ u on emall the /a0 .rom that o0cheeeveskie gu07s i+iot6 to ing Lear7s .ool6 an aulkner7s i+iot6 Ben;ie6 an even ole Boo -a+le0 in 3o ill a *ockingbir+ no/ he /as a serious i+iot2 3he one one I like best tho is ole Lennie in C. *ice an *en 2 *os o. them /riter .ellers got it straightcause their i+iots al/a0s smarter than eole give em e m cre+it .or2 .or2
out the07s teasing me an all6 an one +a0 a bo0 hit me in the back /ith a stick /ile the0 /as chasin me an it raise+ some .earsome /elt2 D.ter that6 she tole me not to la0 /ith them bo0s an0more2 I starte+ tr0in to la0 /ith the girls but that /eren7t much better6 cause the0 all run a/a0 .rom me2
*ama thought it /oul+ be goo+ .or me to go to the ublic school cause ma0be it /oul+ he me to be like everbo+0 else6 but a.ter I been there a little /ile the0 come an tol+ *ama I ought7n to be in there /ith everbo+0 else2 3he0 let me .inish out .irst gra+e tho2 Sometimes I7+ set there /ile the teacher /as talkin an I +on7t kno/ /hat /as going on in m0 min+6 but I7+ start lookin out the /in+er at the bir+s an suirrels an things that /as climbin an settin in a big ole oak tree outsi+e6 an then the teacher7+ come over an .uss at me2 Sometimes6 I7+ ;ust get this real strange thing come over me an start shoutin an all6 an then she7+ make me go out an set on a bench in the hall2 Dn the other ki+s6 the07+ never la0 /ith me or nothin6 cet7n to chase me or get me to start hollerin so7s the0 coul+ laugh at meall cet enn0 urran6 /ho at least +i+n7t run a/a0 .rom me an sometimes she7+ let me /alk ne5 to her goin home a.ter class2 But the ne5t 0ear6 the0 ut me in another sort o. school6 an let me tell 0ou6 it /as /ier+2 It /as like the07+ gone aroun collectin all the .unn0 .ellers the0 cou+ .in+ an ut em all together6 rangin .rom m0 age an 0ounger to big ole bo0s bout si5teen or seventeen2 3he0 /as retar+s o. all kin+s an sasmos an ki+s that coul+n7t even eat or go to the toilet b0 the0sel.s2 I /as robl0 the best o. the lot2 3he0 /as one big .at bo06 musta been .ourteen or so6 an he /as a..licte+ /ith some kin+a thing ma+e him shake like he7s in the electric chair or somethin2 *iss *argaret6 our teacher6 ma+e me go in the bathroom /ith him /hen he ha+ to go6 so7s he /oul+n7t +o nothin /ier+2 Even I coul+ un+erstan+ that2 @hen I got to be thirteen6 some rett0 unusual things begun to haen2 irst o..6 I starte+ to gro/2 I gre/ si5 inches in si5 months6 an m0 mama /as all the time havin to
let out m0 ants2 Dlso6 I commence+ to gro/ out 2 B0 the time I /as si5teen I /as si5 .oot si5 an /eighe+ t/o hun+rit .ort0t/o oun+s2 I kno/ that cause the0 took me in an /eighe+ me2 Sai+ the0 ;us coul+n7t believe it2 @hat haen ne5 cause+ a real change in m0 li.e2 Cne +a0 I7m strollin +o/n the street on the /a0 home .rom nut school6 an a car sto longsi+e o. me2 3his gu0 call me over an a5e+ m0 name2 I tole him6 an then he a5e+ /hat school I go to6 an ho/ come he ain7t seen me aroun2 @hen I tell him bout the nut school6 he a5e+ i. I7+ ever la0e+ .ootball2 I shook m0 hea+2 I guess I mighta tole him I7+ seen ki+s la0in it6 but the07+ never let me la02 But like I sai+6 I ain7t too goo+ at long conversation6 an so I ;us shook m0 hea+2 3hat /as about t/o /eeks a.ter school begun again2 3hree +a0s or so later6 the0 come an got me outta the nut school2 *0 mama /as there6 an so /as the gu0 in the car an t/o other eole /hat look like goons/ho I guess /as resent in case I /as to start somethin2 3he0 took all the stu.. outta m0 +esk an ut it in a bro/n aer bag an tole me to sa0 goo+b0e to *iss *argaret6 an alls o. a su++en she commence to start cr0in an give me a big ole hug2 3hen I got to sa0 goo+b0e to all the other nuts6 an the0 /as +roolin an sasmoin an beatin on the +esks /ith the0 .ists2 Dn then I /as gone2 *ama ro+e u in the .ront seat /ith the gu0 an I set in back in bet/een them goons6 ;us like olice +one in them ole movies /hen the0 took 0ou =+o/nto/n2= et /e +i+n7t go +o/nto/n2 @e /ent to the ne/ highschool the0 ha+ built2 @hen /e got there the0 took me insi+e to the rincial7s o..ice an *ama an me an the gu0 /ent in /ile the t/o goons /aite+ in the hall2 3he rincial /as an ole gra0haire+ man /ith a stain on his tie an bagg0 ants /ho look like he coul+a come outta the nut school hisse.2 @e all sat +o/n an he begun slainin things an a5ein me uestions6 an I ;ust no++e+ m0 hea+6 but /hat the0 /ante+ /as .or me to la0 .ootball2 3hat much I .iggere+ out on m0 o/n2
3urns out the gu0 in the car /as the .ootball coach6 name o. ellers2 Dn that +a0 I +i+n7t go to no class or nothin6 but oach ellers6 he took me back to the locker room an one o. the goons roun+e+ me u a .ootball suit /ith all them a+s an stu.. an a real nice lastic helmet /ith a thing in .ront to kee m0 .ace .rom gettin suishe+ in2 3he onl0 thing /as6 the0 coul+n7t .in+ no shoes to .it me6 so7s I ha+ to use m0 sneakers till the0 coul+ or+er the shoes2 oach ellers an the goons got me +resse+ u in the .ootball suit6 an then the0 ma+e me un+ress again6 an then +o it all over again6 ten or t/ent0 times6 till I coul+ +o it b0 m0se.2 Cne thing I ha+ trouble /ith .or a /ile /as that ;ockstra thingcause I coul+n7t see no real goo+ reason .or /earing it2 @ell6 the0 trie+ slainin it to me6 an then one o.
the goons sa0s to the other that I7m a =+umm0= or somethin like that6 an I guess he thought I /oul+n7t un+erstan+ him6 but I +i+6 on account o. I a0 secial attention to that kin+ o. shit2 Not that it hurt m0 .eelins2
Dbout the onl0 class I like+ /as lunch6 but I guess 0ou coul+n7t call that a class2 Dt the nut school6 m0 mama /oul+ .i5 me a samb/ich an a cookie an a iece o. .ruitcet no bananasan I7+ take it to school /ith me2 But in this school the0 /as a ca.eteria /ith nine or ten +i..erent things to eat an I7+ have trouble makin u m0 min+ /hat I /ante+2 I think somebo+0 must o. sai+ somethin6 cause a.ter a /eek or so oach ellers come u to me an sa0 to ;ust go ahea+ an eat all I /ante+ cause it been =taken care o.2= = an all2 Dn+ this gone on .or a /eek or t/o6 an I /as sa0in nothin6 but .inall0 I sa0sI can7t har+l0 believe I sai+ it even no/but I sa0s6 =I ain7t no umbo6= an the gu0 ;us looke+ at me an starts laughin2 Dn enn0 urran6 she sa0 to the gu0 to kee uiet6 but he takes a carton o. milk an ours it in m0 la an I ;um u an run out cause it scares me2 D +a0 or so later6 that gu0 come u to me in the hall an sa0s he7s gonna =get= me2 Dll +a0 I /as a.rai+ terribil06 an later that a.ternoon6 /hen I /as leaving to go to the g0m6 there he is6 /ith a bunch o. his .rien+s2 I trie+ to go the other /a06 but he come u to me an start ushin me on the shoul+ers2 Dn he7s sa0in all kin+s o. ba+ things6 callin me a =stuo= an all6 an then he hit me in the stomach2 It +i+n7t hurt so much6 but I /as startin to cr0 an+ I turne+ an begun to run6 an hear+ him behin+ me an the others /as runnin a.ter me too2 I ;us run as .ast as I coul+ to/ar+ the g0m6 across the ractice .ootball .iel+ an su++enl0 I seen oach ellers6 settin u in the bleachers /atchin me2 3he gu0s /ho /as chasin me sto an+ go a/a06 an oach ellers6 he has got this real eculiar look on
his .ace6 an tell me to get suite+ u right a/a02 D /ile later6 he come in the locker room /ith these la0s +ra/n on a iece o. aerthree o. theman sa0 .or me to memoriFe them best I can2 3hat a.ternoon at the .ootball ractice6 he line everbo+0 u in t/o teams an su++enl0 the uarterback give me the ball an I7m sose+ to run outsi+e the right en+ o. the line to the goalost2 @hen the0 all start chasin me6 I run .ast as I canit /as seven or eight o. them be.ore the0 coul+ +rag me +o/n2 oach ellers is might0 ha0G ;umin u an+ +o/n an 0ellin an slain everbo+0 on the back2 @e7+ run a lot o. races be.ore6 to see ho/ .ast /e coul+ run6 but I get a lot .aster /hen I7m bein chase+6 I guess2 @hat i+iot /oul+n7t> Dn0/a06 I become a lot more oular a.ter that6 an the other gu0s on the team starte+ bein nicer to me2 @e ha+ our .irst game an I /as scare+ to +eath6 but the0 give me the ball an I run over the goal line t/o or three times an eole never been kin+er to me a.ter that2 3hat highschool certainl0 begun to change things in m0 li.e2 It even got to /here I like+ to run /ith the .ootball6 cet it /as mostl0 that the0 ma+e me run aroun the si+es cause I still coul+n7t get to /here I like+ to ;ust run over eole like 0ou +o in the mi++le2 Cne o. the goons comments that I am the largest highschool hal.back in the entire /orl+2 I +o not think he mean it as a comliment2 Cther/ise6 I /as learnin to rea+ a lot better /ith *iss
But /hat that +i+ .or me6 knockin that bo0 usi+e the hea+6 ut a +e.inate ne/ light on m0 .ootball la0in2 Ne5t +a06 I a5e+ oach ellers to let me run the ball straight on an+ he sa0 oka06 an I run over ma0be .our or .ive gu0s till I7m in the clear an the0 all ha+ to start chasin me again2 3hat 0ear I ma+e the Dll State ootball team2 I coul+n7t har+l0 believe it2 *0 mama give me t/o air o. socks an a ne/ shirt on m0 birth+a02 Dn she +one save+ u an bought me a ne/ suit that I /ore to get the Dll State ootball a/ar+2 irst suit I ever ha+2 *ama tie+ m0 tie .or me an o.. I /ent2
%
3he Dll State ootball Banuet /as to be helt in a little to/n calle+ lomaton6 /hat oach ellers +escribe+ as a =s/itch u the railroa+ tracks2= @e /as ut on a busthe0 /as .ive or si5 o. us .rom this area /ho /on the riFean /e /as trucke+ u there2 It /as a hour or t/o be.ore /e arrive+6 an the bus +i+n7t have no toilet6 an I ha+ +rank t/o Slurees .ore /e le.6 so /hen /e get to lomaton6 I reall0 got to go ba+2 3he thing /as helt at the lomaton = 3hen he turn to me an sa06 =orrest6 0ou ;us got to kee a li+ on it till this thing7s over6 an then /e get it oen .or 0ouoka0>= Dn I no+6 cause I +on7t kno/ /hat else to +o6 but I .iggerin I be in .or a long evenin2 @hen /e get out to the au+itorium there7s a million eole all settin there at tables6 smilin an clain as /e come out2 @e is ut u at a big long table on the stage in .ront o. everbo+0 an m0 /orst .ears /as realiFe+ about the long evenin2 Seem like ever soul in the room got u to make a seecheven the /aiters an ;anitor2 I /ishe+ m0 mama coul+a been there6 cause she7+ o. hee+ me6 but she back at home in be+ /ith the grie2 inall0 it come time to get han+e+ our riFes6 /hich /as little gol+colore+ .ootballs6 an /hen our names /as calle+ /e /as sose+ to go u to the microhone an take the riFe an sa0 =thank 0ou6= an the0 also tole us i. an0bo+0 has an0thin else he /ants to sa06 to kee it short on account o. /e /ant to be gettin out o. there be.ore the turn o. the centur02
*ost everbo+0 ha+ got the0 riFe an sai+ =thank 0ou6= an then it come m0 turn2 Somebo+0 on the microhone call out =orrest ,um6= /hich6 i. I ha+n7t tole 0ou be.ore6 is m0 last name6 an I stan+ u an go over an the0 han me the riFe2 I lean over to the mike an sa06 =3hank 0ou6= an everbo+0 starts to cheer an cla an stan+ u in the0 seats2 I sose somebo+0 tole them a.orehan I7m some kin+ o. i+iot6 an the0 makin a secial e..ort to be nice2 But I7m so surrise+ b0 all this6 I +on7t kno/ /hat to +o6 so I ;us ke stan+in there2 3hen everbo+0 hush u6 an the man at the mike he lean over an+ a5e me i. I got an0thin else I /ant to sa02 So I sa0s6 =I got to ee2= Everbo+0 in the au+ience +i+n7t sa0 nothin .or a .e/ moments6 an ;us starte+ lookin .unn0 at each other6 an then the0 begun a sort o. lo/ mumblin6 an oach ellers come u an gra me b0 the arm an+ haul me back to m0 seat2 -est o. the night he be glarin at me6 but a.ter the banuet is over6 oach an the goons +one take me back to the bathroom an ri oen m0 ants an I +one ee+ a bucket =,um6= oach sa0 a.ter I am .inishe+6 =0ou sure got a /a0 /ith /or+s2=
No/ ne5 0ear /a+n7t too event.ul6 cet somebo+0 ut out the /or+ that a i+iot got hisse. on the Dll State ootball team an a bunch o. letters start comin in .rom all roun+ the countr02 *ama collect them all an+ start keein a scrabook2 Cne +a0 a ackage come .rom Ne/ Aa/k it0 that contain a o..icial baseball signe+ b0 the entire Ne/ Aa/k Aankees baseball team2 It /as the best thing ever haen to me I treasure that ball like a gol+brick6 till one +a0 /hen I /as tossin it aroun in the 0ar+6 a big ole +og come u an gra it outta the air an che/e+ it u2 3hings like that al/a0s haenin to me2 Cne +a0 oach ellers call me in an take me into the rincial7s o..ice2 3he0 /as a man there .rom u to the ?niversit0 /ho shook m0 han an a5e me /hether I ever thought bout la0in .ootball in college2
+one trie+ m0 best on that test2 I no+ m0 hea+6 but the rincial be rollin his e0es6 an the Bear sa06 =@ell6 this is un.ortunate then6 cause the score aears to in+icate that this bo0 is a i+iot2= 3he rincial be no++in his hea+ no/6 an oach ellers is stan+in there /ith his han+s in his ockets lookin sour2 It seem to be the en+ o. m0 college .ootball rosects2
3he .act that I /ere too +umb to la0 college .ootball +i+ not seem to imress the ?nite+ States Drm0 none2 It /ere m0 last 0ear at highschool an in the sringtime everbo+0 else gra+uate+2 3he0 let me set u on the stage tho6 an even give me a black robe to ut on6 an /hen it come time6 the rincial announce the0 /as gonna give me a =secial= +iloma2 I got u to go to the microhone an the t/o goons stan u an go /ith meI sose so7s I +on7t make no remarks like I +i+ at the Dll State ootball thing2 *0 mama is +o/n in the .ront ro/ cr0in an+ /ringin her hans an I reall0 .eel goo+6 like I actuall0 +one accomlish somethin2 But /hen /e git back home6 I .inall0 realiFe /h0 she ba/lin an carr0in onthe0 /as a letter come .rom the Drm0 sa0 I got to reort to the local +a.t boar+ or somesuch2 I +i+n7t kno/ /hat the +eal /as6 but m0 mama +i+it /as 19"' an the0 /as all sorts o. shit .i5in to hoen2 *ama give me a letter .rom the school rincial to han to the +a.tboar+ eole6 but someho/ I lost it on the /a0 there2 It /as a loon0 scene2 3he0 /as a big colore+ gu0 in a Drm0 suit 0ellin at eole an +ivi+in them u into bunches2 @e /as all stan+in there an+ he come u an shout6 =Dll right6 I /ant hal. o. 0ou to go over there an hal. o. 0ou to go over here6 an the other hal. o. 0ou to sta0 ut= Everbo+0 millin aroun an lookin be/il+ere+ an even I coul+ .igger out this gu07s a moron2 3he0 took me in a room an+ line us u an tell us to remove our clothes2 I ain7t much .or that6 but everbo+0 else +one it an so I +i+ too2 3he0 lookin at us everlacee0es6 noses6 mouths6 earseven our rivate arts2 Dt one oint the0 tell me6 =Ben+ over6= an /hen I +o6 somebo+0 ;am his .inger u m0 ass2 3hat7s it I turn an grae+ that basti+ an knock him usi+e the hea+2 3he0 /as su++enl0 a big commotion an a bunch o. eole run u an ;um on to o. me2
shin0 black helmets come u to the +oor be a5in .or me2 I7m hi+in u in m0 room6 but *ama come u an sa0 the0 ;us /anta give me a ri+e back +o/n to the +a.t boar+2 Dll the /a0 there6 the0 be /atchin me real close6 like I7m some kin+a maniac2 3he0 /as a +oor that lea+ to a big o..ice /here there7s a ol+er man all +resse+ u in a shin0 uni.orm an he e0ein me rett0 care.ul too2 3he0 set me +o/n an shove another test in .ront o. me6 an /ile it7s one hell o. a lot easier than the college .ootball test6 it still ain7t no iece o. cake2 @hen I7m +one6 the0 take me to another room /here the07s .our or .ive gu0s settin at a long table /hat start a5in me uestions an assin aroun+ /hat looke+ like the test I took2 3hen the0 all git into a hu++le an+ /hen the0 .inish one o. em sign a aer an han it to me2 @hen I take it home6 *ama rea+ it an begin ullin at her hair an /eein an raisin the Lor+6 cause it sa0 I am =3emoraril0 e.erre+6= on account o. I am a numbnuts2
Somethin else occurre+ +urin that /eek that /as a ma;or event in m0 li.e2 3here /as this la+0 boar+er livin /ith us that /orke+ +o/n to the telehone coman0 as a oerator2 *iss rench /as her name2 She /as a real nice la+06 /hat ke mostl0 to herse.6 but one night /hen it /as terribil0 hot6 an the0 /as thun+erstorms6 she stuck her hea+ out the +oor to her room as I /as /alkin b0 an sa06 =orrest6 I ;ust got a bo5 o. nice +ivinit0 this a.ternoon/oul+ 0ou like a iece>= Dn I sa0 =0es6= an she bring me into her room an there on the +resser is the +ivinit02 She give me a iece o. it6 then she a5e i. I /ant another6 an she oints .or me to set +o/n on the be+2 I must o. ate ten or .i.teen ieces o. the +ivinit0 an lightnin /as .lashin outsi+e an thun+er an the curtains /as blo/in an *iss rench kin+a ushes me an makes me lie back on the be+2 She commences to start strokin me in a ersonal /a02 =us kee 0our e0es close+6= she sa06 =an everthing /ill be all right2= Ne5 thing 0ou kno/ there is somethin haenin that ha+ not haen be.ore2 I cannot sa0 /hat it /as6 because I /as keein m0 e0es close+6 an also because m0 mama /oul+a kilt me6 but let me tell 0ou thisit give me an entirel0 ne/ outlook on things .or the .uture2 3he roblem /as that /ile *iss rench /as a nice kin+ la+06 the things that she +one to me that night /as the kin+s o. things I7+ have re.erre+ to have +one to me b0 enn0 urran2 Dn 0et6 there /as no /a0 I coul+ see to even begin gettin that accomlishe+ cause /hat /ith the /a0 I am6 it is not so eas0 to ask an0one .or a +ate2 3hat is to ut it mil+l02 But on account o. m0 ne/ e5erience6 I got u the courage to a5e m0 mama /hat to +o about enn06 tho I certainl0 +i+n7t sa0 nothin bout me an *iss rench2 *ama sai+ she7ll
take care o. it .or me6 an she call u enn0 urran7s mama an slain the situation to her6 an the ne5 evenin6 lo an behole6 /ho shoul+ aear at our +oor but enn0 urran herse. She is all +resse+ u in a /hite +ress an a ink .lo/er in her hair an she look like nothin I have ever +reamt o.2 She come insi+e an *ama took her to the arlor an give her a ice cream .loat an call .or me to come +o/n .rom m0 room6 /here I ha+ run to as soon as I seen enn0 urran comin u the /alk2 I7+ o. rather ha+ .ive thousan+ eole chasin me than to come out o. m0 room ;us then6 but *ama come u an take me b0 the han an lea+ me +o/n an give me a icecream .loat too2 3hat ma+e it better2 *ama sai+ /e can go to the movies an she give enn0 three +ollars as /e /alk out o. the house2 enn0 ain7t never been nicer6 talkin an laughin an I am no++in an grinnin like a i+iot2 3he movie /as ;us .our or .ive blocks .rom our house6 an enn0 /ent u an got some tickets an /e /ent in an set +o/n2 She a5e+ me i. I /ant some ocorn an /hen she come back .rom gettin it6 the icture +one starte+2 It is a movie about t/o eole6 a man an a la+0 calle+ Bonnie an l0+e that robbe+ banks an the0 /as some interestin other eole in it also2 But it /as a lot o. killin an shootin an shit like that6 too2 It seeme+ to me .unn0 that .olks /oul+ be shootin an killin one another that /a06 so7s I laughe+ a lot /hen that /ent on6 an /henever I +i+6 enn0 urran seeme+ to sunch +o/n in her seat a lot2
+resse+ me in m0 suit an took me there6 an /e met a nice man /ith a moustache carr0ing a big urse /ho tole the ;u+ge a bunch o. things an then some other eole6 inclu+in m0 mama6 sa0 some other shit an .inall0 it /as m0 turn2 3he man /ith the moustache took me b0 the arm so7s I7+ stan+ u6 an the ;u+ge a5e+ me ho/ all this +one haen> I coul+n7t .igger out /hat to sa06 so I ;us shrugge+ m0 shoul+ers an then he a5es i. there7s an0thing else I /ant to a++6 an so I sa0s6 =I got to ee6= cause /e7+ been settin there almost ha. a +a0 an I7m about to bust 3he ;u+ge6 he lean .or/ar+ .rom behin+ his big ole +esk an eer at me like I am a *arsman or somethin2 3hen the .eller /ith the moustache seaks u an+ .ollo/in this the ;u+ge tells him to take me to the toilet6 /hich he +oes2 I look back as /e leavin the room an see o ole *ama hol+in her hea+ an +aubin at her e0es /ith the han+kerchie.2 Dn0ho/6 /hen I get back6 the ;u+ge be scratchin his chin an he sa0 the /hole +eal is =ver0 eculiar6= but that he think I ought to go in the Drm0 or somethin /hich might he straighten me out2 *0 mama in.orm him that the ?nite+ States Drm0 /on7t have me6 account o. I am a i+iot6 but that this ver0 mornin a letter +one come .rom u to the ?niversit0 sa0in that i. I /ill la0 .ootball .or them6 I can go to school there scot .ree2 3he ;u+ge sa0 that soun+s kin+a eculiar too6 but it7s oka0 /ith him so long as I get m0 big ass out o. to/n2 3he ne5 mornin I am all acke+ u an *ama6 she take me to the bus station an ut me on the bus2 I is lookin out the /in+er an there is *ama6 cr0in an /iin her e0es /ith her han+kerchie.2 3hat is gettin to be a scene I kno/ too /ell2 It is stame+ ermanant into m0 memor02 Dn0ho/6 the0 starte+ u the bus6 an a/a0 I /ent2
&
@hen /e git u to the universit06 coach Br0ant he come out to the g0m /here /e all settin in our shorts an+ s/eatshirts an begin makin a seech2 It bout the same kin+ o. seech oach ellers /oul+ make6 cet even a simleton like m0se. coul+ tell this man mean bi+ness
helmet it /oul+ be .rie+ sunn0si+e u in about ten secon+s2 C. course nobo+0 ever tr0 that on account o. it might get oach Br0ant angr02 angr02 3hat /as the one thing nobo+0 /ish to +o6 because li.e /as almost intolerable as it /as2 oach Br0ant have his o/n goons to sho/ me aroun+2 3he0 take me to /here I is gonna sta06 sta06 /hich is a nice brick buil+ing on the camus that somebo+0 sa0s is calle+ the =De orm2= 3hem goons escort me over there in a car an lea+ me ustairs to m0 room2 ?n.ortunatel06 ?n.ortunatel06 /hat might o. looke+ nice .rom the outsi+e /as not true .or the insi+e2 Dt .irst6 it aear that nobo+0 ha+ live+ in this buil+ing .or a long time6 the0 /as so much +irt an shit aroun6 an most o. the +oors ha+ been torn o.. the0 hinges an bashe+ in6 an most o. the /in+ers are buste+ out too2 D .e/ o. the .ellers is l0in on the0 cots insi+e6 /earin ver0 little cause it about 11! +egrees hot in there6 an .lies an things be hummin an buFFin2 In the hall the0 is a big stack o. ne/saers6 /hich at .irst I a.rai+ the0 gonna make us rea+6 it being college an all6 but soon I learn the0 are .or uttin +o/n on the .loor so7s 0ou +on7t have to ste on all the +irt an shit /hen 0ou /alk aroun2 3he goons take me to m0 room an sa0 the0 be hoin to .in+ m0 roomate there6 /hose name is urtis somebo+06 but he no/here to be .oun2 So the0 get m0 stu.. unacke+ an sho/ me /here the bathroom is6 /hich look /orse than /hat 0ou might e5ect to .in+ at a oneum gasoline station6 an the0 be on the0 /a02 But be.ore the0 go6 one o. the goons sa0 urtis an me shoul+ get on .ine cause both o. us have about as much brains as a egglant2 I look real har+ at the goon /hat sai+ that6 cause I be tire+ o. hearin all that shit6 but he tell me to +ro +o/n an+ give him .i.t0 ushus2 D.ter D.ter that6 I ;ust be +oin /hat I7m tole2
I /ent to slee on m0 cot a.ter srea+in a sheet over it to cover u the +irt6 an /as havin a +ream bout settin +o/n in the arlor /ith m0 mama like /e use to +o /hen it /as hot6 an she7+ .i5 me a limea+e an talk to me hour a.ter houran then su++enl0 the +oor o. the room +one crashe+ in .lat an scare me ha. to +eath D .eller .eller be stan+in there in the +oor/a0 /ith a /il+ look on his .ace6 e0es all bugge+ out6 no teeth in .ront6 nose look like a 0eller suash an his hair stan+in straight u like he +one stuck his thing in a light socket2 I .igger this be urtis2
/ith it 3hat /ere the e5tent o. our conversation .or a +a0 or so2 3hat a.ternoon at .ootball ractice it be about ten thousan +egrees hot on the .iel+6 an all oach Br0ant7s goons runnin roun sco/lin an 0ellin at us an makin us e5ercise2 *0 tongue hangin +o/n like it /as a necktie or somethin6 but I tr0in to +o the right thing2 inall0 the0 +ivi+es u everbo+0 an uts me /ith backs an /e start to run ass atterns2 No/ be.ore I come come u to the ?niversit0 ?niversit06 the0 +one sent me a ackage /hich contain contain about a million +i..erent .ootball la0s6 an I +one a5e+ oach ellers /hat I7m sose to +o /ith it an he ;us shake his hea+ sa+l0 an sa0 not to tr0 to +o nothin;us to /ait till I get to the ?niversit0 an let them .igger somethin out2 I /ish I ha+ not taken oach ellers7 a+vice no/6 no/6 cause /hen I run out .or m0 .irst ass I +one turne+ the /rong /a0 an the hea+ goon come rushin u hollerin an shoutin at me an /hen he sto shoutin he a5e+ me +on7t I stu+0 the la0s the0 sen+ me> @hen I sa0s6 =?h6 uh6= he commence to ;um u an +o/n an .lail his arms like hornets is uon him6 an /hen he calm +o/n he tell me to go run .ive las aroun the .iel+ /ile he consult /ith oach Br0ant bout me2 oach Br0ant be settin u in a great big to/er lookin +o/n on us like the ,reat ,a/+ Bu+6 I7m runnin the las an+ /atchin the goon clime u there6 an /hen he get to the to an sa0 his iece6 oach Br0ant crane his neck .or/ar+ an I .eel his e0es burnin hot on m0 big stui+ ass2 Su++enl0 a voice come over a megahone .or everbo+0 to hear6 sa06 sa06 =orrest ,um6 reort to the coachin to/er6= to/er6= an I seen oach Br0ant an the goon climin +o/n2 Dll the time I be runnin over there I am /ishin I /ere runnin back/ar+s instea+2 But imagine m0 surrise /hen I see oach Br0ant smilin2
rom the time I7m little6 ever time I +o somethin /rong6 m0 mama6 she7+ sa06 =orrest6 0ou got to be care.ul6 cause the0 gonna ut 0ou a/a02= a/a02= I /as so scairt o. bein ut in this =a/a0= lace I7+ al/a0s tr0 to be better6 but I7m +amne+ i. there7s a /orst lace the0 coul+ o. sent me than this De orm thing I7m livin in2 Peole be +oin shit the0 /oul+n7t o. tolerate+ even in the nut schoolriin out the toilets6 .or instance6 so7s 0ou7+ go to the bathroom an /oul+n7t .ine nothin but a hole in the .loor to shit in6 an the07+ have heave+ the toilet out the /in+er onto the to o. somebo+07s car +rivin ast2 Cne night some big ole goo.ball /hat la0e+ in the line got out a ri.le an commence to shoot out all the /in+ers in somebo+07s .raternit0 house across the street2 3he camus cos come rushin over6 but the .eller +ro a big outboar+ motor he .oun+ somelace out the /in+er onto the to o. the co car2 oach Br0ant make him run a bunch o. e5tra las .or +oing that2 urtis an me ain7t gettin along so hot6 an I never been so lonel02 I miss m0 mama6 an /anta go back home2 3rouble /ith urtis is6 I +on7t un+erstan+ him2 Everthing he sa0 got so man0 cuss/or+s in it6 time I get to .iggerin out /hat the0 are6 I miss his oint2 *ost o. the time6 I gather his oint is that he ain7t ha0 bout somethin2 urtis ha+ a car an he use+ to give me a ri+e to ractice6 but one +a0 I go to meet him an he cussin an gro/lin an bent over a big +rain grate in the street2 Seems he7s got a .lat tire an /hen he go to change it he ut the lug nuts in his hubca an+ acci+entall0 knock em +o/n into the +rain2 @e @e .i5in to be late to ractice /hich /as not real goo+ to +o6 so7s I sa0 to urtis6 =@h0 +on7t 0ou take one lug nut o.. each o. them three other tires an that /a0 0ou /ill have three nuts on each tire6 /hich ought to be enough to get us to ractice>= urtis sto cussin .or a moment an look u at me an sa06 =Aou suose+ to be a i+iot 6 ho/ 0ou .igure that out>= Dn I sa06 sa06 =*a0be I am a i+iot6 but at least I ain7t stui+ 6= an at this6 urtis ;um u an commence chasin me /ith the tire tool6 callin me ever terrible thing he can think u6 an that rett0 much ruin our relationshi2 D.ter that6 I +eci+e I got to .in+ another lace to sta06 so /hen /e git o.. .rom ractice I gone +o/n into the basement o. the De orm an sen the rest o. the night there2 It /a+n7t no +irtier than the ustairs rooms an there /as an electric lightbulb2 Ne5 +a0 I move+ m0 cot +o/n there an .rom then on6 it /as /here I live+2 *eantime6 school is +one starte+ an the0 got to .igger out /hat to +o /ith me2 3he0 /as a gu0 /ith the atheletic +eartment that seeme+ to +o nothin but .igger out ho/ to get +ummos to /here the0 coul+ ass a class2 Some o. the classes /as sose+ to be eas06 eas06
such as Ph0sical E+ucation6 an the0 enroll me in that2 But also I have got to take one English course an one science or math6 an there is no gettin aroun that2 @hat I learnt later /as that there /as certain teachers that /oul+ give a .ootball la0er a sort o. break6 meanin that the07+ areciate he is consume+ /ith la0in .ootball an cannot sen+ much o. his time on school2 3he0 /as one o. these teachers in the science +eartment6 but un.ortunatel06 the onl0 class he taught /as somethin calle+ =Interme+iate Light6= /hich /as aarentl0 .or gra+uate h0sics ma;ors or something2 But the0 ut me in there an0ho/6 even though I +i+n7t kno/ h0sics .rom h0se+2 I /as not so luck0 in English2 3he0 aarentl0 +i+ not have no s0mathetic eole over in that +eartment6 so7s the0 tole me ;ust to go ahea+ an take the class an .ail it6 an the07+ .igger out somethin else later2 In Interme+iate Light6 the0 rovi+e me /ith a te5tbook that /eigh .ive oun+s an look like a hinaman /rote it2 But ever night I take it +o/n to the basement an set on m0 cot un+er the lightbulb6 an a.ter a /ile6 .or some eculiar reason6 it begun to make sense2 @hat +i+ not make sense /as /h0 /e /as sose+ to be +oin it in the .irst lace6 but .iggerin out them euations /as eas0 as ie2 Pro.essor = Dn I shake m0 hea+6 an then he han me a sheet o. aer /ith a roblem /ritten on it an+ sa0s .or me to set +o/n an .igger it out2 @hen I7m thru6 Pro.essor = Dn I sa0s6 =I got to ee2= *ister Boone kin+a ;um back .or a secont6 an then he bust out laughin an so +oes everbo+0 else6 an he sa0s6 =*ister ,um6 0ou are a ver0 amusing .eller2=
Dn so I am surrise+ again2
3he .irst .ootball game /as on a Satur+a0 a .e/ /eeks later2 *ost o. the time ractice ha+ been rett0 ba+6 till oach Br0ant .iggere+ out /hat to +o /ith me6 /hich /as bout /hat oach ellers ha+ +one at highschool2 3he0 ;us give me the ball an let me run2 I run goo+ that +a06 an score .our touch+o/ns6 an /e /hi the ?niversit0 o. ,eorgia &$ to & an everbo+0 slain me on the back till it hurt2 D.ter I get cleane+ u I hone+ m0 mama an she +one listene+ to the game over the ra+io an is so ha0 she can bust 3hat night6 everbo+0 goin to arties an shit6 but nobo+0 a5e+ me to an06 so I go on +o/n to the basement2 I7m there a /ile /hen I hear this kin+ o. music comin .rom somelace ustairs an+ it7s real rett0like6 an6 I +on7t kno/ /h06 but I /ent on u there to .in+ out /hat it /as2 3here /as this gu06 Bubba6 settin in his room la0in a mouth organ2
little ban+ that +o .olk music stu..6 an tells me the0 gonna be at the Stu+ent ?nion buil+in tomorro/ night an .or me to come b02 Let me tell 0ou6 I can har+l0 /ait2
4
No/ there is a secret thing that coach Br0ant an them +one .iggere+ out6 an nobo+0 sose+ to mention it6 even to oursel.s2 3he0 been teachin me ho/ to catch a .ootball ass2 Ever +a0 a.ter ractice I been /orkin /ith t/o goons an a uarterback6 runnin out an catchin asses6 runnin out an catchin asses6 till I7m so e5hauste+ m0 tongue hangin +o/n to m0 navel2 But I gettin to /here I can catch em6 an oach Br0ant6 he sa0 this gonna be our =secret /eaon=like a =D+am Bomb6= or somethin6 cause a.ter a /ile them other teams gonna .igger out the0 ain7t tho/in me the ball an /ill not be /atchin .or it2 =3hen6= oach Br0ant sa06 =/e is gonna turn 0our big ass loosesi5 .oot si56 t/o hun+rit .ort0 oun+san run the hun+rit 0ar+s in 92$ secon+s .lat2 It is gonna be a sight= Bubba an me is real goo+ .rien+s b0 no/6 an he hee+ me learn some ne/ songs on the harmonica2 Sometimes he come +o/n to the basement an+ /e set aroun an la0 along together6 but Bubba sa0 I am .ar better than he ever /ill be2 I got to tell 0ou6 that i. it /eren7t .or that harmonica music6 I might o. ;us acke+ u an gone home6 but it ma+e me .eel so goo+6 I can har+l0 +escribe it2 Sort o. like m0 /hole bo+0 is the harmonica an the music give me goosebums /hen I la0 it2 *ostl0 the trick is in the tongue6 lis6 .ingers an+ ho/ 0ou move 0our neck2 I think erhas runnin a.ter all them asses has cause+ m0 tongue to hang out longer6 /hich is a hell o. a note6 so to seak2 Ne5 ri+a06 I git all slicke+ u an Bubba len+ me some hair tonic an shavin lotion an I go on over to the Stu+ent ?nion buil+ing2 3he0 is a big cro/+ there an sure enough6 enn0 urran an three or .our other eole is u on stage2 enn0 is /earin a long +ress an la0in the guitar6 an somebo+0 else has a ban;o an there is a gu0 /ith a bull .i++le6 luckin it /ith his .ingers2 3he0 soun+ real goo+6 an enn0 seen me back in the cro/+6 an smiles an oints /ith her e0es .or me to come u an set in the .ront2 It is ;ust beauti.ul6 settin there on the .loor listenin an /atchin enn0 urran2 I /as kin+a thinkin that later6 I /oul+ bu0 some +ivinit0 an see i. she /ante+ some too2 3he0 ha+ la0e+ .or an hour or so6 an everbo+0 seeme+ ha0 an .eelin goo+2 3he0 /as la0in oan BaeF music6 an Bob 0lan an Peter6 Paul an *ar02 I /as l0ing back /ith m0
e0es close+6 listenin6 an all o. a su++en6 I ain7t sure /hat haen6 but I ha+ ulle+ out m0 harmonica an /as ;us la0in along /ith them2 It /as the strangest thing2 enn0 /as singin =Blo/in in the @in+= an /hen I begun to la06 she stoe+ .or a secont6 an the ban;o la0er6 he stoe+ too6 an the0 get this ver0 surise+ looks on the0 .aces6 an then enn0 give a big grin an she commence to ick u the song again6 an the ban;o la0er6 he sto an give me a chance to ri+e m0 harmonica .or a /ile6 an everbo+0 in the cro/+ begun to cla an cheer /hen I /as +one2 enn0 come +o/n .rom the stage a.ter that an the ban+ take a break an she sa06 =orrest6 /hat in the /orl+> @here 0ou learn to la0 that thing>= Dn0ho/6 a.ter that6 enn0 got me to la0 /ith their ban+2 It /as ever ri+a06 an /hen there /asn7t an out o. to/n game6 I ma+e t/ent0.ive bucks a night2 It /ere ;us like heaven till I .oun out enn0 urran been scre/in the ban;o la0er2
?n.ortunatel06 it /as not goin so goo+ in English class2 *ister Boone ha+ calle+ me in bout a /eek or so a.ter he rea+ m0 autobiograh0 to the class an+ he sa06 =*ister ,um6 I believe it is time .or 0ou to sto tr0in to be amusin an+ start gettin serious2= I sai+ I /oul+6 although it seeme+ eculiar6 even to somebo+0 +umb as me2
3he0 /as about a hun+rit eole in the me+ical class all /earin green arons an takin notes2 octor *ills ut me u on the stage in a chair /ith a itcher an a glass o. /ater in .ront o. me2
3he0 is onl0 t/o more things the rest o. that school term that /as even hal./a0 imortant2 3he .irst /as /hen /e /on the National ollege ootball hamionshi an /ent to the Crange Bo/l6 an the secon+ /as /hen I .oun+ out enn0 urran /as scre/in the ban;o la0er2 It /as the night /e /as sose+ to la0 at a .raternit0 house art0 at the ?niversit02 @e ha+ ha+ a terribil0 har+ ractice that a.ternoon6 an I /as so thirst0 I coul+a +rank out o. the toilet like a +og2 But the0 /as this little sto/ .ive or si5 blocks .rom the De orm an a.ter ractice I /alke+ on u there .i5in to git me some limes an+ some sugar an .i5 me a limea+e like m0 mama use+ to make .or me2 3he0 is a ole crosse0e+ /oman behin the counter an she look at me like I7m a hol+u man or somethin2 I7m lookin .or the limes an a.ter a /ile she sa0s6 =in I he 0ou>= an I sa0s6 =I /ant some limes6= an she tells me the0 ain7t got no limes2 So I a5e+ her i. the0 got an0 lemons6 cause I7s thinkin a lemona+e /oul+ +o6 but the0 ain7t got none o. them either6 or oranges or nothin2 It ain7t that kin+ o. sto/2 I musta look aroun ma0be an hour or mo6 an the /oman be gettin nervous6 an .inall0 she sa06 =Din7t 0ou gonna bu0 nothin>= so I get a can o. eaches o..
the she.6 an some sugar6 thinkin i. I can7t have an0thin else I can ma0be make me a eacha+e or somethin6 I bout +0in o. thirst2 @hen I git back to m0 basement I oen the can /ith a kni.e an suash the eaches u insi+e one o. m0 socks an strain it into a ;ar2 3hen I ut in some /ater an sugar an get it stirre+ u6 but I7ll tell 0ou /hatit +on7t taste nothin like a limea+ematter o. .act6 it taste more than an0thin else like hot socks2 Dn0ho/6 I sose+ to be at the .raternit0 house at seven o7clock an /hen I get there some o. the .ellers is settin u the stu.. an all6 but enn0 an+ the ban;o gu0 are no/here to be .oun+2 I asse+ aroun .or a /ile6 an then I /ent out to get m0se. some .resh air in the arkin lot2 I sa/ enn07s car6 an thought ma0be she ;ust get here2 Dll the /in+ers in the car is steame+ u6 so7s 0ou can7t see insi+e2 @ell6 all o. a su++en I think ma0be she7s in there an can7t git out6 an ma0be gettin that e5haust oison or somethin6 so I oen the +oor an look in2 @hen I +o6 the light come on2 3here she is6 l0ing on the back seat6 the to o. her +ress ulle+ +o/n an the bottom ulle+ u2 Ban;o la0er there too6 on to o. her2 enn0 seen me an start screamin an .lailin ;us like she +one in the itcher sho/6 an it su++enl0 occur to me that ma0be she bein moleste+ 6 so7s I grae+ the ban;o la0er b0 his shirt6 /hich /as all he7s got on an0ho/6 an snatche+ his ass o.. her2 @ell6 it +i+ not take no i+iot to .igger out that I gone an +one the /rong thing again2 esus hrist6 0ou can7t imagine such carr0in on2
Dn0ho/6 /e gone on +o/n to the Crange Bo/l in *iami6 an come game time6 /e is some kin+ o. stirre+ u2 oach Br0ant come in the locker room an +on7t sa0 much6 cet that i. /e /ant to /in6 /e got to la0 har+6 or somesuch6 an then /e be out on the .iel+ an the0 kicke+ o.. to us2 3he ball come +irectl0 to me an I gra it outta the air an run straight into a ile o. Nebraska corn shucker niggers an big ole /hite bo0s that /eigh about $!! oun+s aiece2 It /ere that /a0 the /hole a.ternoon2 Dt hal.time6 the0 /as ahea+ %' to # an /e /as a .orelorn an sorr0 lot o. gu0s2 oach Br0ant come into the +ressing room an he be shakin his hea+ like he e5ecte+ all along that /e /as goin to let him +o/n2 3hen he start +ra/in on the chalk boar+ an+ talkin to Snake6 the uarterback6 an some o. the others6 an then he call out m0 name an a5e me to come /ith him into the hall/a02 =orrest6= he sa0s6 =this shit has got to sto2=
an back in the game I go2 3he Snake6 he get caught behin the line right at the .irst la06 an the clock is runnin out .ast2 Cn the secon+ la06 he tr0 to .ake em out b0 han+in me the ball6 ste+ o. tho/in it6 but bout t/o tons o. Nebraska corn ;acko.. bee.6 black an /hite6 .all on to o. me right a/a02 I l0ing there6 .lat on m0 back6 thinkin /hat it must o. been like /hen that netloa+ o. bananas .all on m0 +a++06 an then I gone back in the hu++le again2 =orrest6= Snake sa0s6 =I gonna .ake a ass to ,/inn6 but I am gonna tho/ the ball to 0ou6 so I /ant 0ou to run +o/n there to the cornerback an then turn right an the ball be right there2= Snake7s e0es are /il+ as a tiger7s2 I no+ m0 hea+6 an +o as I am tole2 Sure enough6 Snake heaves the ball into m0 hans an I be tearin to/ar+ the mi++le o. the .iel+ /ith the goalosts straight ahea+2 But all o. a su++en a giant man come .l0in into me an+ slo/ me +o/n6 an then all the Nebraska corn ;erko.. niggers an big ole +umb /hite bo0s in the /orl+ start grain an gougin an stomin on me an I .all +o/n2 amn @e ain7t got but a .e/ 0ar+s to go .ore /innin the game2 @hen I git o.. m0 back6 I see Snake got everbo+0 line u alrea+0 .or the last la06 on accounta /e got no more time outs2 Soon as I git to m0 lace6 he calls .or the sna an I run out6 but he su++enl0 tho/e+ the ball bout %! .eet over m0 hea+6 outta boun+s on uroseto sto the clock I guess6 /hich onl0 has % or & seconts le. on it2 ?n.ortunatel0 tho6 Snake +one got con.use+ about things6 I sose he7s thinkin it thir+ +o/n an /e got one more la0 le.6 but in .act it /ere .orth +o/n6 an so /e lose the ball an also6 o. course6 /e lose the game2 It soun+ like somethin I /oul+a +one2 Dn0ho/6 it /as e5tra sa+ .or me6 cause I kin+a .iggere+ enn0 urran /as robl0 /atchin the game an ma0be i. I +one got the ball an+ /in the game6 she tr0 to .orgive me .or +oin /hat I +one to her2 But that /ere not to be2 oach Br0ant /ere might0 unha0 over /hat haen6 but he suck it u an sa06 =@ell6 bo0s6 there7s al/a0s ne5 0ear2= et .or me6 that is2 3hat /as not to be either2
$
D.ter the Crange Bo/l6 the Dtheletic eartment get m0 gra+es .or the .irst term6 an it ain7t long be.ore oach Br0ant sen+ .or me to come to his o..ice2 @hen I get there6 he lookin bleak2
=orrest6= he sa06 =I can un+erstan ho/ 0ou .lunke+ reme+ial English6 but it /ill m0sti.0 me to the en+ o. m0 +a0s ho/ 0ou manage+ to get an D in something calle+ Interme+iate Light6 an then an in h0se+ class/hen 0ou is ;us been name+ the *ost Haluable ollege Back in the Southeastern on.erence= It /as a long stor0 that I +i+ not /ant to bore oach Br0ant /ith6 but /h0 in hell +o I nee+ to kno/ the +istance bet/een goalosts on a soccer .iel+ an0/a0> @ell6 oach Br0ant lookin at me /ith a terrible sa+ e5ression on his .ace2 =orrest6= he sa06 =I regret a/.ull0 havin to tell 0ou this6 but 0ou is +one .lunke+ out o. school6 an there is nothin I can +o2= I ;us stoo+ there6 t/istin m0 han+s6 till it su++enl0 come to me /hat he is sa0inI ain7t gonna get to la0 no more .ootball2 I got to leave the ?niversit02 *a0be I never see an0 o. the other gu0s no more2 *a0be I never see enn0 urran no more either2 I got to move outta m0 basement6 an I /on7t get to take D+vance+ Light ne5 term6 like Pro.essor
sorr0 about that ass6 oka0>= Dn I sa0s6 =Sure Snake6 oka02= Dn then the0 all come u6 one b0 one6 an shake m0 han6 even ole urtis6 /ho is /earin a bo+0 brace .rom his neck +o/n on accounta bashin +o/n one +oor too man0 in the De orm2 Bubba sa0 he7+ he me carr0 m0 shit +o/n to the bus +eot6 but I sa0 I7+ rather go alone2 =ee in touch6= he sa02 Dn0ho/6 on the /a0 to the bus station6 I ass b0 the Stu+ent ?nion store6 but it ain7t ri+a0 night6 an enn0 urran7s ban+ is not la0in6 so I sa06 the hell /ith it6 an catch the bus on home2
It /as late at night /hen the bus got to *obile2 I ha+ not tole m0 mama /hat ha+ haene+6 cause I kne/ she7+ be uset6 so I /alk on home6 but the0 is a light on u in her room an /hen I get insi+e6 the0 she is6 cr0ing an+ ba/ling ;us like I remember2 @hat ha+ haen6 she tell me6 is that the ?nite+ States Drm0 has alrea+0 hear+ bout me not makin m0 gra+es6 an that ver0 +a0 a notice +one come .or me to reort to the ?2S2 Drm0 In+uction enter2 I. I ha+ kno/n then /hat I kno/ no/6 I /oul+ never ha+ +one it2 *0 mama take me +o/n there a .e/ +a0s later2 She has acke+ me a bo5 lunch in case I get hungr0 on the /a0 to /herever /e is going2 3he0 is about a hun+rit gu0s stan+in aroun an .our or .ive busses /aiting2 D big ole sergeant be hollerin an 0ellin at everbo+06 an *ama goes u to him an sa0s6 =I +on7t see ho/ 0ou can take m0 bo0cause he7s a i+iot 6= but the sergeant ;us look back at her an sa06 =@ell6 la+06 /hat +o 0ou think all these other eole is> Einsteins>= an he gone on back to hollerin an 0ellin2 Prett0 soon he 0ell at me6 too6 an I git on the bus an a/a0 /e /ent2
Ever since I le. the nut school eole been shoutin at meoach ellers6 oach Br0ant an the goons6 an no/ the eole in the Drm02 But let me sa0 this: them eole in the Drm0 0ell longer an lou+er an nastier than an0bo+0 else2 3he0 is never ha02 Dn .urthermore6 the0 +o not comlain that 0ou is +umb or stui+ like coaches +othe0 is more intereste+ in 0our rivate arts or bo/el movements6 an so al/a0s rece+e the0 0ellin /ith somethin like =+ickhea+= or =asshole2= Sometimes I /on+er i. urtis ha+ been in the Drm0 be.ore he /ent to la0 .ootball2 Dn0ho/6 a.ter about a hun+rit hours on the bus /e get to ort Benning6 ,eorgia6 an all I7m thinkin is &$ to &6 the score /hen /e /hue+ them ,eorgia ogs2 3he con+itions in the barracks is actuall0 a little better than the0 /as in the De orm6 but the .oo+ is notit is terrible6 altho there is a lot o. it2 Cther than that6 it /as ;ust +oin /hat the0 tole us an gettin 0elle+ at in the months to
come2 3he0 taught us to shoot guns6 tho/ han+ grena+es an cra/l aroun on our bellies2 @hen /e /a+n7t +oin that /e /as either runnin somelace or cleanin toilets an things2 3he one thing I remember .rom ort Benning is that the0 +i+n7t seem to be nobo+0 much smarter than I /as6 /hich /as certainl0 a relie.2 Not too long a.ter I arrive6 I get ut on P6 on account o. I have acci+entall0 shot a hole in the /ater to/er /hen /e /as +o/n at the ri.le range2 @hen I get to the kitchen6 it seems the cook is took sick or somethin6 an somebo+0 oint to me an sa06 =,um6 0ou is gonna be the cook to+a02= =@hat I7m gonna cook>= I a5e+2 =I ain7t never cooke+ be.ore2= =@ho cares6= somebo+0 sa02 =3his ain7t the Sans Souci6 07kno/2= =@h0 +on7t 0ou make a ste/>= somebo+0 else sa02 =It7s easier2= =@hat o.>= I a5e+2 =Look in the icebo5 an the antr06= the .eller sa02 =ust tho/ in everthin 0ou see an boil it u2= =@hat i. it +on7t taste goo+>= I a5e+2 =@ho gives a shit2 Aou ever eat an0thin aroun+ here that +i+>= In this6 he is correct2 @ell6 I commence+ to get everthin I coul+ .rom the icebo5es an the antr02 3he0 /as cans o. tomatos an beans an eaches an bacon an rice an bags o. .lour an sacks o. otatoes an I +on7t kno/ /hat all else2 I gathere+ it all together an sa0 to one o. the gu0s6 =@hat I7m gonna cook it in>= =3he0 is some ots in the closet6= he sa06 but /hen I looke+ in the closet6 the0 is ;us small ots6 an certainl0 not large enough to cook a ste/ .or t/o hun+rit men in the coman02 =@h0 +on7t 0ou a5e the lieutenant>= somebo+0 sa02 =
=@hat about this>= I a5e+2 3he0 /as an enormous iron thing bout si5 .eet high an .ive .eet aroun settin in the corner2 =3hat> 3hat7s the go++amn steam boiler2 Aou can7t cook nothin in there2= == somebo+0 a5e+ a.ter a /ile2 =I7ll go taste it6= I sa02 I un.astene+ the li+ to the boiler an there it /as6 0ou coul+ see all the shit bubblin an boilin u6 an ever so o.ten a onion or a otato /ou+ come to the to an .loat aroun2 =Let me taste it6= a .eller a5e+2
=@hat in hell is goin on here>= he a5e+2 =@here is these men7s .oo+>= =It is almost rea+06 Sergeant6= I sa06 an ;us about then6 the boiler commence+ to rumble an shake2 Steam begun to come out o. the si+es an one o. the legs on the boiler tore loose .rom the .loor2 =@hat is that>= the sergeant a5e+2 =Is 0ou cookin somethin in that boiler = =3hat is the suer6= I sa0s6 an the sergeant got this real amaFe+ look on his .ace6 an a secont later6 he got a real .rightene+ look6 like 0ou might get ;us be.ore an automobile /reck6 an then the boiler ble/ u2 I am not e5actl0 sure /hat haene+ ne52 I +o remember that it blo/e+ the roo. o.. the mess hall an blo/e+ all the /in+ers out an the +oors too2 It blo/e+ the +ish/asher gu0 right thru a /all6 an the gu0 /hat /as stackin lates ;us took o.. u in the air6 sort o. like -ocket *an2 Sergeant an me6 /e is miraculousl0 sare+ someho/6 like the0 sa0 /ill haen /hen 0ou are so close to a han grena+e that 0ou aren7t hurt b0 it2 But someho/ it blo/e+ both our clothes o..6 cet .or the big che.7s hat I /as /earin at the time2 Dn it blo/e+ ste/ all over us6 so7s /e looke+ like/ell6 I +on7t kno/ /hat /e looke+ likebut man6 it /as strange2 Incre+ibl06 it +i+n7t +o nothin to all them gu0s settin out there in the mess hall neither2 us le. em settin at the0 tables6 covere+ /ith ste/6 actin kin+a shellshocke+ or somethinbut it sure +i+ shut their asses u about /hen the0 .oo+ is gonna be rea+02 Su++enl0 the coman0 comman+er come runnin into the buil+in2 =@hat /as that= he shoute+2 =@hat haen>= = =,umBoilerSte/= the sergeant sa06 an then he kin+ o. git holt o. hisse. an grae+ a meat cleaver o.. the /all2 =,umBoilerSte/= he scream6 an come a.ter me /ith the cleaver2 I +one run out the +oor6 an he be chasin me all over the ara+e groun+s6 an even thru the C..icer7s lub an the *otorool2 I outrunne+ him tho6 cause that is m0 secialt06 but let me sa0 this: the0 ain7t no uestion in m0 min+ that I am u the creek .or sure2
Cne night6 the ne5t .all6 the hone rung in the barracks an it /as Bubba2
@e got there in ebruar0 an /as trucke+ on cattle cars .rom 8ui Nhon on the South hina Sea coast u to Pleiku in the highlan+s2 It /a+nt a ba+ ri+e an the scener0 /as nice an interestin6 /ith banana trees an alms an rice a++ies /ith little gooks lo/in in them2 Everbo+0 on our si+e is real .rien+l06 too6 /avin at us an all2 @e coul+ see Pleiku almost ha. a +a0 a/a0 on account o. a humongus clou+ o. re+ +ust that hovere+ over it2 Cn its outskirts /as sa+ little shanties that is /orst than an0thin I seen back in Dlabama6 /ith .olks hu++le+ neath cloth leanto7s an the0 ain7t got no teeth an the0 chil+ren ain7t got no clothes an basicall06 the0 is beggars2 @hen /e get to the Briga+e
stretche+ .ar as 0ou can see in ro/s an the +irt an san+ aroun them rake+ u nice an ti+02 on7t har+l0 look like a /ar going on at all2 @e might as /ell o. been back at ort Benning2 Dn0ho/6 the0 sa0s it is real uiet cause it is the beginning o. the gook ne/ 0ears3et6 or somesuchan the0 is a truce goin on2 Dll o. us is tremen+ousl0 relieve+6 because /e is .rightene+ enough as it is2 3he eace an+ uiet6 ho/ever6 +i+ not last ver0 long2 D.ter /e get suare+ a/a0 in our area6 the0 tell us to go +o/n to Briga+e Sho/ers an clean oursel.s2 Briga+e Sho/ers is ;ust a shallo/ it in the groun /here the0 has ut three or .our big /ater tank trucks an /e tole to .ol+ our uni.orms u on the e+ge o. the it an then get +o/n in there an the0 /ill suirt us /ith /ater2 Even so6 it ain7t ha. ba+6 account o. /e been .or nearl0 a /eek /ithout a bath6 an /as beginnin to smell rett0 rie2 @e is assin aroun in the it6 gettin hose+ +o/n an all6 an it is ;us bout gettin +ark6 an all o. a su++en there is this .unn0 soun in the air an some ;acko.. /ho is suirting us /ith the hose holler6 =Incomin 6= an+ everbo+0 on the e+ge o. the it vanish into thin air2 @e stan+in there butt necki+6 lookin at each other6 an then the0 is a big e5losion close b0 an then another one6 an everbo+0 start shoutin an+ cussin an tr0in to get to the0 clothes2 3hem incomin e5losions .allin all aroun us6 an somebo+0 shoutin6 =
It /ent on the entire night6 an /e ha+ to sta0 in them .o5holes an +i+n7t get no suer2 us a.ore +a/n6 the shellin ease+ u6 an /e /as tole to haul our asses outta the .o5holes an get our clothes an /eaons an reare .or the attack2 Since /e /as relativel0 ne/6 the0 /as reall0 not much /e coul+ +othe0 +i+n7t even kno/ /here to ut us6 so the0 tole us to go guar+ the south erimeter6 /hich is /here the o..icers7 latrine /as locate+2 But it /ere nearl0 /orse than the .o5holes6 account o. one o. the bombs has hit the latrine an blo/e+ u about .ive hun+rit oun+s o. o..icer shit all over the area2 @e ha+ to sta0 there all that +a06 no break.ast6 no lunchG an then at sun+o/n the0 commence+ shellin us again so /e ha+ to lie there in all that shit2 *06 m06 it /ere reulsive2 inall0 somebo+0 remember /e might be gettin hungr06 an ha+ a bunch o. cration cases brought over2 I got the col+ ham an eggs that /as +ate+ 19$1 on the can2 3he0 /as all kin+s o. rumors goin on2 Somebo+0 sai+ the gooks /as runnin over the to/n o. Pleiku2 Somebo+0 else sa0s the gooks got a atomic bomb an is ;ust shellin us /ith mortars to so.ten us u2 Somebo+0 else sa0s it ain7t the gooks shellin us at all6 but Dustrailians6 or ma0be the utch or the Nor/egians2 I .igger it +on7t matter /ho it is2 Shit on rumors2 Dn0ho/6 a.ter the .irst +a06 /e begun tr0in to make oursel.s a livable lace on the south erimeter2 @e +ug us .o5holes an use+ the boar+s an tin .rom the o..icers7 latrine to make us little hooches2 3he attack never come tho6 an /e never sa/ no gooks to shoot at2 I .igger ma0be the0 smart enough not to attack a shithouse an0/a02 Ever night .or about three or .our +a0s the0 shellin us tho6 an .inall0 one mornin /hen the shellin stos6 *a;or Balls6 the battalion e5ecutive o..icer6 come cra/lin u to our coman0 comman+er an sa0 /e has got to go u north to hel out another briga+e that is catchin hell in the ;ungle2 D.ter a /ile6 Lieutenant
Aou coul+ see the shit 3hir+ Briga+e ha+ stee+ into even .ore the heliocoters lan+e+2 3he0 /as all sorts o. smoke an stu.. risin u outta the ;ungle an huge chunks ha+ been blo/n outta the groun2 @e ha+ not even got to earth a.ore the0 commence+ shootin at us2 3he0 blo/e+ u one o. our heliocoters in the air6 an it /as a +rea+.ul sight6 eole set on .ire an all6 an nothin /e coul+ +o2
I am the machine gun ammo bearer6 cause the0 .igger I can carr0 a lot o. shit on account o. m0 siFe2 Be.ore /e le.6 a coule o. other .ellers a5e+ i. I /oul+ min+ carr0in some o. their han grena+es so7s the0 coul+ carr0 more orations6 an I agree+2 It +i+n7t hurt me none2 Dlso6 Sergeant ranF ma+e me carr0 a tengallon /ater can that /eighe+ about .i.t0 oun+s2 3hen ;us .ore /e le.6 aniels6 /ho carries the trio+ .or the machine gun6 he gets the runs an he can7t go6 so7s I got to tote the trio+ too2 @hen it all a++e+ u6 I might as /ell o. been toting aroun one a them Nebraska corn shucker ;acko..s as /ell2 But this ain7t no .ootball game2 It is gettin to be +usk an /e is tole to go u to a ri+ge an relieve harlie oman0 /hich is either inne+ +o/n b0 the gooks or has got the gooks inne+ +o/n6 +een+in on /hether 0ou get 0our ne/s .rom the Stars an Stries or b0 ;ust lookin aroun at /hat the hell is goin on2 In an0 event6 /hen /e get u there6 all sorts o. cra is .l0in aroun an the0 is about a +oFen .ellers ba+l0 hurt an moanin an+ cr0in an the0 is so much noise .rom all uarters that nobo+0 can har+l0 hear nothin2 I be crouchin +o/n real lo/ an tr0in to get all that ammo an the /ater can an the trio+ lus all m0 o/n shit u to /here harlie oman0 is6 an I7m strugglin ast a slit trench /hen this gu0 +o/n in it ie u an sa0 to the other6 =Lookit that big BoFohe look like the rankenstein *onster or somethin6= an+ I7m bout to sa0 somethin back6 cause things seem ba+ enough alrea+0 /ithout nobo+0 okin .un at 0oubut then6 I7ll be +amne+ 3he other gu0 in the slit trench su++enl0 ;um u an cr0 out6 =orrestorrest ,um= Lo an behole6 it /ere Bubba2 Brie.l06 /hat ha+ haen /as that even i. Bubba7s .oot /as hurt too ba+ to la0 .ootball6 it /ere not ba+ enough to kee .rom gettin him sent hal./a0 roun the earth on behal. o. the ?nite+ States Drm02 Dn0ho/6 I +rag m0 sorr0 butt an everthin else u to /here I sose+ to be6 an a.ter a /ile Bubba come u there an in bet/een the shellin (/hich sto ever time our airlanes aear) Bubba an me caught u /ith each other2
"
3hat night /as long an uncom.ortable2 @e coul+n7t .l0 our airlanes6 so7s the0 got to shell us most o. the evenin .or .ree2 3he0 /as a little sa++le bet/een t/o ri+ges6 an the0 /as on one ri+ge an /e on the other6 an +o/n in the sa++le /as /here the +isute /ere takin lacetho /hat an0bo+0 /oul+ /ant /ith that iece o. mu+ an +irt6 I +o not kno/2
mortars an all6 an it is terrible con.usion2 rom /here /e is6 /e cannot see an0 gooks6 on account o. the ;ungle is thick as bon.ire brush6 but somebo+0 sure be in there shootin at harlie oman02 *a0be it the utchor even the Nor/egians/ho kno/s>
Bones6 the machine gunner6 lookin e5tremel0 nervous +urin all this6 on accounta he7s alrea+0 .iggere+ out that the shootin is comin .rom in .ront o. us6 meanin that the gooks is in bet/een us an our o/n osition2 In other /or+s6 /e is out here alone2 Sooner or later6 he sa0s6 i. the gooks +o not overrun harlie oman06 the0 /ill come back this /a06 an i. the0 .in+ us here6 the0 /ill not like it one bit2 Point is6 /e got to move our asses2 @e get our shit together an begin to /ork back to/ar+s the ri+ge6 but as /e +o6 o0le su++enl0 look +o/n o.. our right to the bottom o. the sa++le an he see an entire busloa+ o. ne/ gooks6 arme+ to the teeth6 movin u the hill to/ar+s harlie oman02 Best thing /e coul+a +one then /as to tr0 an make .rien+s /ith em an .orget all this other shit6 but that /ere not in the car+s2 So /e ;us hunkere+ +o/n in some big ole shrubs an /aite+ till the0 got to the to o. the hill2 3hen Bones let loose /ith the machine gun an+ he must o. kilt ten or .i.teen o. them gooks right o..2 o0le an me an the other t/o gu0s is tho/in grena+es6 an things is goin our /a0 until Bones runs out o. ammo an nee+ a .resh belt2 I .ee+ one in .or him6 but ;ust as he bout to seeFe the trigger6 a gook bullet hit him suare in the hea+ an blo/e+ it insi+e out2 I got gooks behin me6 gooks in .ront o. me an gooks right un+er m0 .eet2 I +on7t kno/ /hat else to +o6 so I charge u .ull see+ an start to bello/in an ho/lin an all2 I sort o. lose m0 hea+6 I guess6 cause I +on7t remember /hat haen ne5 cet I still be bello/in an hollerin lou+ as I can an runnin .or +ear li.e2 Everthin /ere comletel0 con.use+6 an then all o. a su++en I am in the mi++le o. harlie oman0 an everbo+0 be slain me on the back ;us like I ma+e a touch+o/n2
It seem like I +one .rightene+ o.. the gooks an the0 hightail it back to /herever the0 live2 I ut +o/n o0le on the groun an the me+ics come an start .i5in him u6 an rett0 soon the harlie oman0 comman+er come u to me an start umin m0 han an tellin me /hat a goo+ .ello/ I am2 3hen he sa06 ==
3he /eeks go b0 so slo/ I almost think time assin back/ar+s2 ? one hill6 +o/n the other2 Sometimes the0 be gooks on the hills6 sometimes not2 Sergeant ranF sa0 everthing oka0 tho6 cause actuall0 /e be marchin back to the ?nite+ States2 So I ;us sa0 /e is havin a nice time an everbo+0 treatin us .ine2 Cne thing I +one tho6 /as I /rote a letter to enn0 urran in care o. m0 mama an a5e i. she can get enn07s .olks to sen+ it to her/herever she is2 But I ain7t hear+ nothin back2
*eantime6 Bubba an me6 /e has got us a lan .or /hen /e get outta the Drm02 @e gonna go back home an get us a srim boat an get in the srimin bi+ness2 Bubba come .rom Ba0ou La Batre6 an /ork on srim boats all his li.e2 so I gra him u an run back /ith him .ast as I can2 Bullets an stu.. be .l0in all over2 It is somethin I siml0 cannot un+erstan+/h0 in hell is /e +oin all this6 an0/a0> Pla0in .ootball is one thing2 But this6 I +o not kno/ /h02 ,o++amn2 I brung that bo0 back an run out again an +amn i. I +on7t come across somebo+0 else2 So I reach +o/n to ick him u an bring him back6 too6 but /hen I +o6 his brains .all out on the a++0 groun6 cause the back o. his hea+ blo/e+ o..2 Shit2
So I +ro his ass an ke on goin an sure enough6 there is Bubba6 /ho is been hit t/ice in the chest6 an I sa06 =Bubba6 it gonna be oka06 0ou hear6 cause /e gotta get that srim boat an all6= an I carr0 him back to /here /e is set u an la0e+ him on the groun2 @hen I catch m0 breath6 I look +o/n an m0 shirt all covere+ /ith bloo+ an bluish 0eller goo .rom /here Bubba is hurt6 an Bubba is lookin u at me6 an he sa06 =uck it6 orrest6 /h0 this haen>= @ell6 /hat in hell am I gonna sa0> 3hen Bubba a5e me6 =orrest6 0ou la0 me a song on the harmonica>= So I get it out6 an start la0in somethinI +on7t even kno/ /hat6 an then Bubba sa06 =orrest6 /oul+ 0ou lease la0 7@a0 o/n ?on the S/anee -iver7>= an I sa06 =Sure6 Bubba2= I have to /ie o.. the mouthiece6 an then I start to la0 an there is still a terrible lot o. shootin goin on6 an I kno/ I ought to be /ith m0 machine gun6 but /hat the hell6 I la0e+ that song2 I ha+n7t notice+ it6 but it ha+ uit rainin an the sk0 +one turne+ a a/.ul inkish color2 It ma+e everbo+07s .ace look like +eath itse.6 an .or some reason6 the gooks +one uit shootin .or a /ile6 an so ha+ /e2 I la0e+ =@a0 o/n ?on the S/anee -iver= over an over again6 kneelin ne5 to Bubba /ile the me+ic give him a shot an ten+ to him best he coul+2 Bubba +one grae+ a holt to m0 leg an his e0es got all clou+0 an that terrible ink sk0 seem to +rain all the color in his .ace2 = Dn the me+ic sa06 =
have .rightene+ a/a0 the gooks2 3he0 must o. .iggere+ that i. /e /as /illing to +o that to oursel.s6 then /hat the hell /oul+ /e o. +one to them> 3he0 takin the /oun+e+ outta there6 /hen along come Sergeant ranF6 hair all singe+ o..6 clothes burnt u6 looking like he ;us got shot out o. a cannon2 = =Sure6 ,um6= he sa02 =@hat the hell/e /ill even get him accommo+ations in .irst class2=
#
I /as at the hosital at anang .or most o. t/o months2 So .ar as a hosital /ent6 it /ere not much6 but /e sle on cots /ith mosuito nets6 an the0 /as /oo+en lank .loors that /as s/e clean t/ice a +a06 /hich /as more than 0ou can sa0 .or the kin+ o. livin I7+ got use+ to2 3he0 /as some eole hurt .ar /orst than I /as in that hosital6 let me tell 0ou2 Po ole bo0s /ith arms an legs an .eet an hans an /ho kno/s /hat else missin2 Bo0s /hat ha+ been shot in the0 stomachs an chests an .aces2 Dt night the lace soun+ like a torture chamberthem .ellers be ho/lin an+ cr0in an callin .or the0 mamas2 3he0 /as a gu0 ne5 to m0 cot name o. an6 /ho ha+ been blo/e+ u insi+e a tank2
/e coul+ /alk aroun an bu0 some o. the shit the0 sol+ in the gook shos in anang2 But I +on7t nee+ an0 o. that6 so I ;us /alk aroun6 taking in the sights2 3he0 is a little market +o/n b0 the /ater.ront /here .olks sells .ish an srim an stu..6 an one +a0 I /ent +o/n there an bought me some srim an one o. the cooks at the hosital boil em .or me an the0 sure /as goo+2 I /ishe+ ole an coul+ o. ate some2
marshes in a little han net6 an +um them in his on+2 3hen /hen the ti+e come in he tho/e+ all sorts o. shit in therescras an+ stu..6 /hich cause little teense0 slim0 things to gro/ an the srims eat them an get big an .at2 It /as so simle even a imbecile coul+ +o it2 D .e/ +a0s later some muckit0mucks .rom iel+ orce
Dn0ho/6 a.ter the0 is gone6 I go on over to the tensive care /ar+ to see an6 but /hen I git there6 his cot is emt06 an the mattress all .ol+e+ u an he is gone2 I am so scant somethin has haen to him6 an I run to .ine the or+erl06 but he ain7t there either2 I seen a nurse +o/n the hall an I a5e+ her6 =@hat haen to an6= an she sa0 he =gone2= Dn I sa06 =,one /here>= an she sa06 =I +on7t kno/6 it +i+n7t haen on m0 shi.2= I .oun the hea+ nurse an a5e her6 an she sa0 an been .lo/n back to Dmerica on account o. the0 can take better care o. him there2 I a5e+ her i. he is oka06 an she sa06 =Aeah6 i. 0ou can call t/o uncture+ lungs6 a severe+ intestin6 sinal searation6 a missing .oot6 a truncate+ leg6 an thir+ +egree burns over ha. the bo+0 oka0 6 then he is ;us .ine2= I thanke+ her6 an /ent on m0 /a02 I +i+n7t la0 no ingong that a.ternoon6 cause I /as so /orrie+ bout an2 It come to me that ma0be he /ent an +ie+6 an nobo+0 /ant to sa0 so6 cause o. that bi+ness bout noti.0ing ne5 o. kin .irst6 or somethin2 @ho kno/s> But I am +o/n in the +ums6 an go /an+erin aroun b0 m0se.6 kickin rocks an tin cans an shit2 @hen I .inall0 get back to m0 /ar+6 there is some mail le. on m0 be+ .or me that .inall0 catch u /ith me here2 *0 mama have sent a letter sa0in that our house +one caught on .ire6 an is totall0 burnt u6 an there is no insurance or nothin an she is gonna have to go to the o house2 She sa0 the .ire begun /hen *iss rench ha+ /ashe+ her cat an /as +r0in it /ith a hair +r0er6 an either the cat or the hair +r0er caught a.ire6 an that /as that2 rom no/ on6 she sa06 I am to sen+ m0 letters to her in care o. the =Little Sisters o. the Po2= I .igger there /ill be man0 tears in the 0ears to come2 3he0 is another letter a++resse+ to me /hich sa06 =ear *ister ,um: Aou has been chosen to /in a bran ne/ Pontiac ,3C6 i. onl0 0ou /ill sen+ back the enclose+ car+
romising to bu0 a set o. these /on+er.ul enc0cloe+ias an a u+ate+ 0earbook ever0 0ear .or the rest o. 0our li.e at a #$ er 0ear2= I tho/e+ that letter in the trash2 @hat the hell /oul+ a i+iot like me /ant /ith enc0cloe+ias an0/a06 an besi+es6 I can7t +rive2 But the thir+ letter is ersonall0 /rit to me an on the back o. the enveloe it sa06 =2 urran6 ,eneral eliver06 ambri+ge6 *ass2= *0 hans is shakin so ba+6 I can har+l0 oen it2 =ear orrest6= it sa06 =*0 mama has .or/ar+e+ 0our letter to me that 0our mama gave to her6 an+ I am so sorr0 to hear that 0ou have to .ight in that terrible immoral /ar2= She sa0 she kno/ ho/ horrible it must be6 /ith all the killin an maimin goin on an all2 =It must ta5 0our conscience to be involve+6 although I kno/ 0ou are being ma+e to +o it against 0our /ill2= She /rite that it must o. been a/.ul not to have no clean clothes an no .resh .oo+6 an all6 but that she +o not un+erstan+ /hat I mean /hen I /rote about =havin to lie .ace+o/n in o..icer shit .or t/o +a0s2= =It is har+ to believe6= she sa06 =that even the0 /oul+ make 0ou +o such a vulgar thing as that2= I think I coul+ o. e5laine+ that art a little better2 Dn0ho/6 enn0 sa0 that =@e are organiFing large +emonstrations against the .ascist igs in or+er to sto the terrible immoral /ar an+ let the eole be hear+2= She go on bout that .or a age or so6 an it all soun+in sort o. the same2 But I rea+ it ver0 care.ull0 an0/a06 .or ;us to see her han/ritin is enough to make m0 stomach turn .li.los2 =Dt least6= she sa0 at the en+6 =0ou have met u /ith Bubba6 an+ I kno/ 0ou are gla+ to have a .rien+ in 0our miser02= She sa0 to give Bubba her best6 an a++ in a 2s2 that she is earnin a little mone0 b0 la0in in a little musical ban+ a coule o. nights a /eek at a co..eehouse near the
olonel ,ooch is his name2 3hat night I get into one last ingong match /ith a .eller .rom the hea+uarters coman0 o. iel+ orce6 /ho is sose+ to be the best ingong la0er in the Drm0 or somesuch as that2
ear orrest6 I am sorr0 there /as no time .or us to see each other be.ore I le.t2 3he +octors ma+e their +ecision uickl06 an+ be.ore I kne/ it6 I /as being taken a/a06 but I aske+ i. I coul+ sto long enough to /rite 0ou this note6 because 0ou have been so kin+ to me /hile I /as here2 I sense6 orrest6 that 0ou are on the verge o. something ver0 signi.icant in 0our li.e6 some change6 or event that /ill move 0ou in a +i..erent +irection6 an+ 0ou must seiFe the moment6 an+ not let it ass2 @hen I think back on it no/6 there is something in 0our e0es6 some tin0 .lash o. .ire that comes no/ an+ then6 mostl0 /hen 0ou smile6 an+6 on those in.reuent occasions6 I believe /hat I sa/ /as almost a ,enesis o. our abilit0 as humans to think6 to create6 to be 2 3his /ar is not .or 0ou6 ol+ alnor mean+ I am /ell out o. it as I7m sure 0ou /ill be in time2 3he crucial uestion is6 /hat /ill 0ou +o> I +on7t think 0ou7re an i+iot at all2 Perhas b0 the measure o. tests or the ;u+gment o. .ools6 0ou might .all into some categor0 or other6 but +ee +o/n6 orrest6 I have seen that glo/ing sarkle o. curiosit0 burning +ee in 0our min+2 3ake the ti+e6 m0 .rien+6 an+ as 0ou are carrie+ along6 make it /ork .or 0ou6 .ight the shallo/s an+ the snags an+ never give in6 never give u2 Aou are a goo+ .ello/6 orrest6 an+ 0ou have a big heart2 Aour Pal6 DN
I rea+ over an7s letter ten or t/ent0 times6 an there is things in it I +o not un+erstan+2 I mean6 I think I see /hat he is gettin at6 but there is sentences an /or+s that I cannot .igger out2 Ne5t morning olonel ,ooch come in an sa0 /e got to go no/6 .irst to Saigon to get me the ne/ uni.orm that +one been se/n u b0 the t/ent0 gooks last night6 then right o.. to the ?nite+ States an all that2 I sho/n him an7s letter an a5e+ him to tell me /hat e5actl0 it means6 an olonel ,ooch look it over an han it back an sa06 =@ell6 ,um6 it is rett0 lain to me he means that 0ou ha+ better the hell not .uck u /hen the Presi+ent ins the me+al on 0ou2=
'
@e be .l0in high over the aci.ic ocean6 an colonel ,ooch is tellin me /hat a great hero I am going to be /hen /e get back to the ?nite+ States2
chasin me aroun the Crange Bo/l2 inall06 I +one run into the toilet an hi+ u on the seat /ith the +oor shut until I .igger the0 have give u an gone on home2 I must o. been there an hour or so2 @hen I come out I /alke+ +o/n to the lobb0 an there is olonel ,ooch surroun+e+ b0 a latoon o. *2P27s an cos6 an he is lookin ver0 +istresse+ till he seen me2 =7mon6 ,um= he sa02 =3he0 is hol+in a lane .or us to get to @ashington2= @hen /e get on the lane to @ashington the0 is a bunch o. civilians on it too6 an olonel ,ooch an me set in a seat u .ront2 @e has not even took o.. 0et6 be.ore all the eole aroun us get u an go set some/here else in the back o. the lane2 I a5e+ olonel ,ooch /h0 that /as6 an he sa0 it robl0 cause /e smell .unn0 or somethin2 = @ell6 /e gone on back to the hotel a.ter that6 an or+ere+ some beer .rom room service6 an olonel ,ooch get to .inish tellin me ho/ to act tomorro/2
Ne5 morning /e u bright an earl0 an /alk on over to the @hite
/hat a .ine .eller I am6 an then it is time to get the me+al2 3he Presi+ent is a great big ole gu0 /ho talk like he is .rom 3e5as or somethin an the0 has assemble+ a /hole bunch o. eole some o. /hich look like mai+s an cleanin men an such6 but the0 is all out in this nice rose gar+en in the bright sunshine2 Dn Drm0 gu0 commence to rea+in some kin+ o. bullshit an everbo+0 be listenin u keen6 cet .or me6 on account o. I is starvin since /e has not ha+ our break.ast 0et2 inall0 the Drm0 gu0 is thru an then the Presi+ent come u to me an take the me+al out o. a bo5 an in it on m0 chest2 3hen he shake m0 han an all these eole start takin ichers an clain an such as that2 I .igger it is over then6 an /e can get the hell out o. there6 but the Presi+ent6 he still stan+in there6 lookin at me kin+ o. .unn02 inall0 he sa06 =Bo06 is that 0our stomach that is gro/lin like that>= I glance over at olonel ,ooch but he ;us roll his e0es u6 an so I no+6 an sa06 =?h6 huh6= an the Presi+ent sa06 =@ell6 c7mon bo06 lets go an git us somethin to eat= I .oller him insi+e an /e go into a little roun room an the Presi+ent tell a gu0 /ho is +resse+ u like a /aiter to bring me some break.ast2 It ;us the t/o o. us in there6 an /ile /e is /aitin .or the break.ast he start a5in me uestions6 such as +o I kno/ /h0 /e is .ightin the gooks an all6 an is the0 treatin us right in the Drm02 I ;us no+ m0 hea+ an a.ter a /ile he sto a5in me uestions an the0 is this kin+ o. silence an then he sa06 =o 0ou /ant to /atch some television /ile /e is /aitin .or 0our .oo+>= I no+ m0 hea+ again6 an the Presi+ent turn on a tv set behin his +esk an /e /atch =3he Beverl0 = an I no+6 an then he sa06 =@ell6 look at this6= an he ull u his shirt an sho/ me a big ole scar on his stomach /here he has ha+ an oeration o. some kin+6 an he a5e6 =@here /as 0ou /oun+e+>= an so I ull +o/n m0 ants an sho/ him2 @ell6 all them hotograher .ellers rush u an start to take ichers6 an several .olks come runnin over an I am hustle+ a/a0 to /here olonel ,ooch is /aitin2 3hat a.ternoon back at our hotel6 olonel ,ooch su++enl0 come bustin into m0 room /ith a han.ul o. ne/saers an bo0 is he ma+2
e0es so the0 can7t recogniFe me6 like the0 +o /ith +irt0 itchers2 3he cation sa06 =Presi+ent ohnson an+ @ar I am ruint2 *0 career is robl0 .inishe+= =I +unno6= I sa0s6 =but I am tr0in to +o the right thing2=
Dn0ho/6 a.ter that I be in the +oghouse again6 but the0 has not give u on me 0et2 3he Drm0 have +eci+e+ that I /ill go on the recruitment tour to tr0 to get .ellers to sign u .or the /ar6 an olonel ,ooch has gotten somebo+0 to /rite u a seech that the0 e5ect me to make2 It is a long seech6 an .ille+ /ith such things as =In time o. crisis6 nothin is more honorable an atriotic than to serve 0our countr0 in the Drme+ orces6= an a /hole bunch o. shit like that2 3rouble /as6 I coul+ not never get the seech learnt2 Ch6 I coul+ see all the /or+s in m0 hea+ oka06 but /hen it come time to sa0 it6 everthin get all mu++le+ u2 olonel ,ooch is besi+e hisse.2 = an I sa0 the .irst thing that come into m0 min+6 /hich is6 =It is a bunch o. shit2= olonel ,ooch come an grae+ the microhone a/a0 .rom me an set me back +o/n6
but all the reorters be scribblin in the0 notebooks an the hotograhers be takin ichers6 an everbo+0 in the au+ience goin /il+6 ;umin u an +o/n an cheerin2 olonel ,ooch get me out o. there ronto6 an /e be in the car +rivin .ast out o. to/n6 an the colonel ain7t sa0in nothin to me6 but he is talkin to hisse. an laughin this /eir+6 nutt0 little laugh2 Ne5t mornin /e is in a hotel rea+0 to give our secon+ seech on the tour /hen the hone ring2 It is .or olonel ,ooch2 @hoever on the other en+ o. the line seem to be +oin all the talkin6 an the colonel is +oin the listenin an sa0in =Aessir= a /hole lot6 an ever so o.ten he is glarin over at me2 @hen he .inall0 ut the hone +o/n6 he be starin at his shoes an he sa06 =@ell6 ,um6 no/ 0ou has +one it2 3he tour is cancele+6 I have been reassigne+ to a /eather station in Icelan+6 an I +o not kno/ or care /hat is to become o. 0our sorr0 ass2= I a5e+ olonel ,ooch i. /e coul+ get oursel.s a o7ola no/6 an he ;us look at me .or a minute6 then start that talkin to hisse. again an laughin that /eir+6 nutt0 laugh2
3he0 sent me to ort i5 a.ter that6 an assign me to the Steam
=3he0 ha+ to take them o..6 orrest6= he sa06 =but other than that6 I am ;us .ine2= 3he0 have also taken o.. the ban+ages .rom his .ace6 an he is terrible scarre+ an burnt .rom /here his tank caught .ire2 Dlso6 he still have a tube runnin into him .rom a bottle hooke+ onto a ole on his /heelchair2 =3he0 sa0 the0 gonna leave that like it is6= an sa02 =3he0 think it looks goo+ on me2= Dn0ho/6 he lean .or/ar+ an look me in the e0e6 an sa06 =orrest6 I believe that 0ou can +o an0 +amn thing 0ou /ant to2 I have been /atchin 0ou la06 an 0ou can beat this little gu0 because 0ou la0 a hell o. a game o. ingong an it is 0our +estin0 to be the best2= I no+ an it is time to go on back out there6 an a.ter that6 I +i+ not lose a single oint6 an I go on to the .inals an /in the /hole tournament2 I /as there .or about three +a0s6 an an an me got to sen+ some time together2 I /oul+ roll him aroun in his /heelchair6 sometimes out in the gar+en /here he coul+ get some sun6 an at night I /oul+ la0 m0 harmonica .or him like I +i+ .or Bubba2 *ostl06 he like+ to talk bout thingsall sorts o. thingssuch as histor0 an+ hilosoh06 an one +a0 he is talkin bout Einstein7s theor0 o. relativit06 an /hat it mean in terms o. the universe2 @ell6 I got me a iece o. aer an I +ra/e+ it out .or him6 the /hole .ormula6 cause it /as somethin /e ha+ to +o in the Interme+iate Light class back at the ?niversit02
Cne +a0 /hen I /as back at ort i5 shovelin coal in the Steam = I shrug m0 shoul+ers an no+ m0 hea+6 but somethin +o/n in me sinkin .ast2 I am ;us a o ole i+iot6 an no/ I have got the /hole human race to look a.ter2
9
,um6 0ou have got the table manners o. a hog2= In that last6 ma0be he is right2 3hem hinamen eat /ith t/o little sticks an it is almost imossible to shovel an0 .oo+ in 0our mouth /ith em6 an so a lot o. it /in+ u on m0 clothes2 No /on+er 0ou +o not see a lot o. .at hinamen aroun2 Aou /oul+ think the0 /oul+ o. learnt to use a .ork b0 no/2 Dn0/a06 /e is la0in a /hole lot o. matches against the hinamen an the0 has got some ver0 goo+ la0ers2 But /e is hol+in our o/n2 Dt night the0 has almost al/a0s got somethin .or us to +o6 such as go out .or suer somelace6 or listen to a concert2 Cne night6 /e is all sose+ to go out to a restaurant calle+ the Peking uck6 an /hen I get +o/n to the lobb0 o. the hotel6 *ister @ilkins sa06 =,um6 0ou has got to go back to 0our room an change that shirt2 It look like 0ou has been in a .oo+ .ight or somethin2=
him on the shoul+er an /hen he turn aroun6 I sa06 =Peking uck6= an start to .la m0 arms like the0 is +ucks7 /ings2 Dll o. a su++en6 the +river get a big ole smile6 an he start no++in an +rive o..2 Ever once in a /ile he look back at me6 an I start .lain m0 /ings again2 Bout a hour later6 he sto an I look out the /in+er an +amn i. he ain7t took me to the airort @ell6 b0 this time6 it is gettin late6 an I ain7t ha+ no +inner or nothin6 an I7m gettin bout starve+6 so /e ass this restaurant an I tole the +river to let me out2 I han him a /a+ o. this gook mone0 the0 give us6 an he han me some back an a/a0 he go2 I /ent in the restaurant an set +o/n an I might as /ell o. been on the moon2 3his la+0 come over an look at me real .unn06 an han me a menu6 but it is in hinese6 so a.ter a /ile6 I ;us oint to .our or .ive +i..erent things an .igger one o. them has to be eatable2 Dctuall06 the0 /as all rett0 goo+2 @hen I am thru6 I ai+ u an /ent on out on the street an tr0 to .ine m0 /a0 back to the hotel6 but I be /alkin .or hours I guess6 /hen the0 ick me u2 Ne5t thing I kno/e+6 I has been tho/n in ;ail2 3he0 is a big ole hinaman /hat seak English6 an he is a5in me all sorts o. uestions an o..erin me cigarettes6 ;us like the0 +i+ in them ol+ movies2 It /ere the ne5 a.ternoon be.ore the0 .inall0 got me outG *ister @ilkins come +o/n to the ;ail an he is talkin .or bout a hour6 an the0 let me go2 *ister @ilkins is hoin ma+2 =o 0ou realiFe6 ,um6 that the0 think 0ou are a s0>= he sa02 =o 0ou kno/ /hat this can +o to this /hole e..ort> Dre 0ou craF0>= I starte+ to tell him6 =No6 I is ;us a i+iot6= but I let it go2 Dn0ho/6 a.ter that6 *ister @ilkins bu0 a big balloon .rom a street ven+er an tie+ it on m0 shirt button6 so he can tell /here I is =at all times2= Dlso6 .rom then on6 he inne+ a note on m0 lael6 sa0in /ho I /as an /here I am sta0in2 It ma+e me .eel like a .ool2
Cne +a0 the0 loa+ us u in a bus an take us /a0 out o. to/n to a big river an the0 is a lot o. hinamen stan+in aroun lookin o..icial an all6 an the reason6 /e .in+ out soon enough6 is that the hea+ hinaman o. them all6 hairman *ao6 is there2 hairman *ao is a big ole .at Bu++alookin gu06 an he has taken o.. his a;a0mas an is in his s/imming trunks an the0 sa0s hairman *ao at the age o. eight0 is gonna s/im this river b0 hisse. an the0 /ant us to /atch him +o it2 @ell6 the hairman6 he /a+e on in an start s/imming an .olks is takin ichers an all them other hinamen be chatterin a/a0 an lookin lease+2
Bout a minute later6 he /ave again6 an everbo+0 /ave back2 Not too long a.ter that6 hairman *ao /ave .or a thir+ time6 an su++enl0 it begun to +a/n on everbo+0 that he is not /aving6 he is +ro/nin @ell6 the shit +one hit the .an6 an I .inall0 un+erstan /hat a =hinese ire rill= is2 Peole is ;umin in the /ater an boats is racin out .rom the other si+e o. the river an everbo+0 on shore is cr0in an leain u an +o/n an smackin the0 alms against the si+e o. the0 hea+s2 I sa06 the hell /ith this6 cause I sa/ /here he /ent un+er6 an I tho/e+ o.. m0 shoes an into the river I /ent2 I ast all the hinamen /ho /as s/imming out there an got to the lace /here hairman *ao ha+ gone un+er2 3he boat be circlin6 an eole lookin over the si+es like the0 is gonna see somethin6 /hich /as kin+ o. sill0 since the river is bout the same color as se/er /ater back home2 Dn0ho/6 I +ive+ +o/n three or .our times an sure enough6 I bume+ into the ole basti+ .loatin aroun un+er/ater2 I haul him u an some hinamen grae+ him an tho/e+ him in the boat an took o..2 i+n7t even bother to take me along6 an so7s I have got to s/im all the /a0 back b0 m0se.2 @hen I get to the bank6 all the eole there be ;umin u an +o/n an cr0in an slain me on the back6 an the0 ick me u an carr0 me on the0 shoul+ers to the bus2 But /hen /e is on the roa+ again6 *ister @ilkins come u to me an be shakin his hea+2 =Aou big +umb goo.6= he sa06 =+o 0ou not realiFe that the best thing that coul+ o. haene+ .or the ?nite+ States /as to let that sumbitch +ro/n Aou6 ,um6 is lost us the oortunit0 o. a li.etime2= So I guess I +one scre/e+ u again2 I +unno2 I am still ;us tr0 in to +o the right thing2
@e is about thru /ith the ingong games6 an I have lost count o. /ho is /innin or losin2 But /hat has haen in the mean/hile is that on account o. m0 ullin ole hairman *ao out o. the river6 I has become sort o. a national hero to the hinamen2 =,um6= *ister @ilkins sa06 =0our stui+it0 seems to have turne+ into an a+vantage2 I have receive+ a reort that the hinese envo0 /oul+ like to start +iscussions bout the ossibilit0 o. reoening .oreign relations /ith us2 urthermore6 the hinese /ish to tho/ 0ou a big ara+e thru +o/nto/n Peking6 an so I e5ect 0ou to be on 0our goo+ behavior2= 3he0 helt the ara+e t/o +a0s later6 an it /ere a sight to see2 3he0 /as bout a billion hinamen along the streets6 an the0 /as /avin an bo/in an all /hen I /ent b02 3he thing /as sose+ to /in+ u at the umingtang6 /hich is like the caitol o. hina6 an I
am sose+ to get thanke+ b0 hairman *ao ersonall02 @hen /e get there6 the hairman is all +rie+ out an gla+ to see me2 3he0 has ut on a big srea+ .or lunch an I get to sit ne5 to the hairman hisse.2 In the mi++le o. the lunch6 he lean over to me an sa06 =I have hear+ 0ou /as in Hietnam2 *a0 I ask /hat 0ou think o. the /ar>= Dn interreter translate that .or me6 an I think about it .or a moment or t/o6 but then I .igger6 /hat the hell6 i. he +i+n7t /ant to kno/6 he /oul+n7t o. a5e+6 an so I sa06 =I think it7s a bunch o. shit2= 3he interreter translate that back to him6 an hairman *ao get a o++ e5ression on his .ace6 an look at me .unn06 but then his e0es light u an he break out /ith a big smile6 an start shakin m0 han an no++in his hea+ like one o. them little +olls /ith a sring .or a neck2 Peole took itchers o. that6 an a.ter/ar+ the0 /as in the Dmerican ne/saers2 But I ain7t never tole nobo+0 till no/ /hat I sai+ to make him smile that /a02
3he +a0 /e le.6 /e is goin out o. the hotel an the0 is a big cro/+ /atchin us leave an cheerin an clain2 I look over an the0 is this hinese mama /ith a little bo0 on her shoul+ers6 an I can see he is a real *ongolian i+iote0es all crosse+6 tongue hangin out6 +roolin an babbling like them kin+s o. i+iots +o2 @ell6 I can7t he m0se.2 *ister @ilkins have or+ere+ us not to never go u to an0 hinamen /ithout .irst gettin his ermission6 but I /ent on over there an I got me a coule o. ingong balls in m0 ocket an I take one o. em out an get a en an ut m0 J on it an give it to the little bo02 irs thing he +oes is ut it in his mouth6 but then6 /hen that all straightene+ out6 he reach out an gra m0 .ingers /ith his han2 Dn then he start to smilegreat big ole grinan all o. a su++en I seen tears in his mama7s e0es6 an she start chatterin6 an our interreter sa0 to me that is the .irst time the little .eller have ever smile+2 3he0 is things I coul+ tell her6 I guess6 but /e ain7t got time2 Dn0/a06 I start to /alk a/a0 an the little bo0 +one tho/e+ the ing ong ball an bounce it o.. the back o. m0 hea+2 It /ere ;us m0 luck that somebo+0 got a hotograh right at that moment6 an6 o. course6 it /oun+ u in the ne/saers2 =Aoung hinese isla0s
tr0in to unloosen his seatbelt2 D rett0 ste/ar+ess come runnin u to see /hat all the commotion is about an *ister @ilkins is coughin an choakin an all o. a su++en I +one starte+ .annin the air m0se. an hol+in m0 nose an ointin at *ister @ilkins6 an shoutin6 =Somebo+0 oen a /in+er6= an shit like that2 *ister @ilkins6 he get all re+ in the .ace an begin rotestin an ointin back at me6 but the ste/ar+ess6 she ;us smile+ an gone on back to her seat2 D.ter he uit sutterin an all6 *ister @ilkins start a+;ustin his collar an sa0 to me un+er his breath6 =,um6 that /as a e5tremel0 cru+e thing to +o2= But I ;us grinne+ an looke+ straight ahea+2
3he0 sent me back to ort i5 a.ter that6 but instea+ o. uttin me in the Steam
1!
I +i+ not have no a++ress .or enn0 cet a ost o..ice bo56 but I +i+ have her letter /ith the name o. the little lace /here she sai+ she /as la0in /ith her ban+6 3he racke+ Eggs2 It /as calle+ the
like a bir+ gonna .l0 out o. it an0 secont2 Presentl0 the ban+ come out on stage an start settin u2 3he0 is three or .our .ellers an the0 has got all this huge electric stu..6 luggin it in ever/here2 It certainl0 is a .ar cr0 .rom /hat /e +one in the Stu+ent ?nion buil+ing back at the ?niversit02 Dlso6 I +o not see enn0 urran nolace2 D.ter the0 get the electric stu.. set u6 the0 start to la06 an let me sa0 this: them eole /as lou+ Dll sorts o. colore+ lights begin to .lash an the music the0 is makin soun+ sort o. like a ;et airlane /hen it takin o..2 But the cro/+ lovin it an /hen the0 is +one6 everbo+0 begin to cheer an 0ell2 3hen a light .all on a si+e o. the stage an there she is enn0 herse. She is change+ .rom the /a0 I kno/n her2 irst6 she is got hair +o/n to her ass6 an is /earin sunglasses insi+e6 at night She is +resse+ in blue ;eans an a shirt /ith so man0 sangles on it she look like a telehone s/itchboar+2 3he ban+ start u again an enn0 begun to sing2 She has grae+ hole o. the microhone an is +ancin all aroun the stage6 ;umin u an +o/n an /avin her arms an tossin her hair aroun2 I am tr0in to un+erstan the /or+s to the song6 but the ban+ is la0in too lou+ .or that6 beatin on the +rums6 bangin on the iano6 s/attin them electric guitars till it seem like the roo. gonna cave in2 I am thinkin6 /hat the hell is this> D.ter a /ile the0 take a break an so I got u an trie+ to get through a +oor that go backstage2 But the0 is a .eller stan+ing there /ho sa0 I cannot come in2 @hen I go /alkin back to m0 seat6 I notice everbo+0 is starin at m0 Drm0 uni.orm2 =3hat is some costume 0ou has got on there6= somebo+0 sa0s6 an somebo+0 else sa06 =ar out= an another one sa06 =Is he .or real>= I am beginnin to .eel like a i+iot again6 an so I gone on outsi+e6 thinkin ma0be I can /alk aroun an .igger things out2 I guess I must o. /alke+ .or ha. an hour or so6 an /hen I get back to the lace the0 is a long line o. eole /aitin to get in2 I go u to the .ront an tr0 to slain to the gu0 that all m0 stu.. is in there6 but he sa0 to go /ait at the en+ o. the line2 I guess I stoo+ there a hour or so6 an listene+ to the music comin .rom insi+e6 an I have to tell 0ou6 it soun+e+ a little better /hen 0ou got a/a0 .rom it like that2 Dn0/a06 a.ter a /ile6 I got bore+ an /ent +o/n a alle0 an roun to the back o. the club2 3he0 /as some little stes an I sat +o/n there an /atche+ the rats chasin each other in the garbage2 I ha+ m0 harmonica in m0 ocket6 so7s to ass the time6 I got it out an starte+ to la0 a little2 I coul+ still hear the music .rom enn07s ban+6 an a.ter a /ile I .oun m0se. bein able to la0 along /ith them6 sort o. usin the chromatic sto to get hal. out o. ke0 so it /oul+ .it in /ith /hat the0 /as la0in2 I +on7t kno/ ho/ long it /as6 but it +i+n7t take much a.ore I /as able to make runs o. m0 o/n6 /a0 u in ma;or6 an to m0 surise6 it +i+n7t soun hal. ba+ /hen 0ou /as la0in itso long as 0ou +i+n7t have to listen to it too2
Dll o. a su++en the +oor behin me bust oen an there is enn0 stan+in there2 I guess the0 ha+ taken their break again6 but I /a+n7t a0in no attention an ha+ ke on la0in2 =@ho is that out there>= she sa02 =It7s me6= I sa06 but it is +ark in the alle0 an she stick her hea+ out the +oor an sa06 =@ho is la0in that harmonica>= I stan+ u an I am kin+ o. embarrasse+ on account o. m0 clothes6 but I sa06 =It7s me2 orrest2= =It is /ho> = she sa02 =orrest2= =orrest> orrest ,um = an su++enl0 she rush out the +oor an tho/e+ herse. into m0 arms2
enn0 an me6 /e set aroun backstage an caught u on things till she ha+ to la0 her ne5 set2 She ha+ not e5actl0 uit school6 she ha+ got tho/e+ out /hen the0 .oun her in a .eller7s room one night2 3hat /as a tho/inout o..ense in them +a0s2 3he ban;o la0er ha+ run o.. to ana+a rather than go in the Drm06 an the little ban+ ha+ broke u2 enn0 ha+ gone out to ali.ornia .or a /ile6 an /eare+ .lo/ers in her hair6 but she sa0 them eole is a bunch o. .reaks /ho is stone+ all the time6 an so she met this gu0 an come /ith him to Boston6 an the0 ha+ +one some eace marches an all6 but he turne+ out to be a .air06 so she slit u /ith him6 an took u /ith a real serious eace marcher /ho /as in to makin bombs an stu..6 an blo/in u buil+ins2 3hat +i+n7t /ork out neither6 so she met u /ith this gu0 /hat teache+ at
=-u+olh6= enn0 sa06 =this is orrest2 Aou might en;o0 it2= enn0 look at both o. us kin+ o. .unn0like6 but she +on7t sa0 nothin2 @e gone on back to the aartment an -u+olh is still suattin on the .loor b0 hisse.2 @e /as in the kitchen an I a5e+ her real uiet i. -u+olh coul+ talk6 an she sa06 0es6 sooner or later2
3hat a.ternoon enn0 took me to meet the other gu0s in the ban+ an she tell them I la0 the harmonica like heaven itse.6 an /h0 +on7t the0 let me set in /ith them at the club tonight2 Cne o. the gu0s a5e me /hat I like to la0 best6 an I sa06 =i5ie6= an he sa0 he +on7t believe he has hear+ /hat I sa06 an enn0 ;um in an sa06 =It +on7t matter6 he /ill be .ine once he7s got a ear .or our stu..2= So that night I be la0in /ith the ban+ an everbo+0 agree I am makin a goo+ contribution an it is ver0 en;o0able6 gettin to set there an /atch enn0 sing an tho/ herse. all over the stage2
3hat ne5 *on+a0 I have +eci+e+ to go ahea+ an set in on octor 8uackenbush7s class6 =-ole o. the I+iot in @orl+ Literature2= 3he title alone is enough to make me .eel sort o. imortant2 =3o+a06= octor 8uackenbush sa0s to the class6 =/e has a visitor /ho is gonna be au+iting this course .rom time to time2 Please /elcome *ister orrest ,um2= Everbo+0 turn an look at me an I give a little /ave6 an then the class begin2 =3he i+iot6= octor 8uackenbush sa06 =has la0e+ an imortant role in histor0 an literature .or man0 0ears2 I suose 0ou has all hear+ o. the village i+iot6 /ho /as usuall0 some retar+e+ in+ivi+ual livin in a village somelace2 = *ister 8uackenbush sa0 he /ill get a .e/ stage ros .rom the +rama +eartment6 but he /ant us to get u our o/n costumes6 ;ust so the thing /oul+ be more =realistic2=
*eantime6 things is haenin /ith our ban+6 3he racke+ Eggs2 D .eller .rom Ne/ Aa/k have .lo/n u an listene+ to us an sa0s he /ants to get us in a recor+in stu+io an
make a tae o. our music2 Dll the .ellers is e5cite+6 inclu+in enn0 urran6 an me6 o. course2 3he .eller .rom Ne/ Aa/k6 *ister eeblestein is his name2 = Naturall06 she +oes most o. the talkin6 an it is reall0 ;us a string o. gries bout men2 She sa0 /e are =laF06 unresonsible6 sel.ish6 lo/+o/n l0in shits2= She is goin on that /a0 .or a /ile an then she start to cr02 I sa0s6 =D/e6 enn06 +on7t +o that2 It ain7t nothin2 3hat ole -u+olh +i+n7t look like the kin+a .eller .or 0ou no ho/6 suattin on the .loor like that an all2= Dn she sa06 =Aes6 orrest6 robl0 0ou is right2 I7+ like to go home no/2= Dn so /e +o2 @hen /e get home6 enn0 begun takin o.. her clothes2 She is +o/n to her un+erants6 an I am ;us settin on the couch tr0in not to notice6 but she come u an stan+ in .ront o. me an she sa06 =orrest6 I /ant 0ou to .uck me no/2= Aou coul+a knocke+ me over /ith a .eather I ;us set there an ga/ke+ u at her2 3hen she set +o/n ne5 to me an starte+ .oolin /ith m0 britches6 an ne5 thing I kno/e+6 she7+ got o.. m0 shirt an /as huggin an kissin me an all2 Dt .irst6 it /as ;us a little o++6 her +oin all that2 ourse I ha+ +reame+ bout it all along6 but I ha+ not e5ecte+ it uite this /a02 But then6 /ell I guess somethin come over me6 an it +i+n7t matter /hat I7+ e5ecte+6 cause /e /as rollin aroun on the couch an ha+ our clothes nearl0 o.. an then enn0 ulle+ +o/n m0 un+ershorts an her e0es get big an she sa06 =@hooolookit /hat 0ou got there= an she grae+ me ;us like *iF rench ha+ that +a06 but enn0 never sa0 nothin about me keein m0 e0es close+6 so I +i+n7t2 @ell6 /e +one all sorts o. things that a.ternoon that I never even +reamt o. in m0 /il+est imagination2 enn0 sho/n me shit I never coul+ o. .iggere+ out on m0 o/nsi+e/ise6 cross/ise6 usi+e +o/n6 bottom/ise6 length/ise6 +og/ise6 stan+in u6 settin +o/n6 ben+in over6 leanin back6 insi+eout an outsi+einonl0 /a0 /e +i+n7t tr0 it /as aart @e rolle+ all over the livin room an into the kitchenstove in .urniture6 knocke+ shit over6 ulle+ +o/n +raes6 musse+ u the rug an even turne+ the tv set on b0 acci+ent2
@oun+ u +oin it in the sink6 but +on7t a5e me ho/2 @hen /e is .inall0 .inishe+6 enn0 ;us lie there a /ile6 an then she look at me an sa06 =,o++amn6 orrest6 /here is 0ou been all m0 li.e>= =I been aroun6= I sa0s2
Naturall06 things are a bit +i..erent bet/een enn0 an me a.ter that2 @e commence+ to slee in the same be+ together6 /hich /as also kin+ o. strange .or me at .irst6 but I sure got use+ to it2 @hen /e /as +oin our act at the
11
3he +a0 arrive+ /hen /e is to give our little la0 in Pro.essor 8uackenbush7s class at
also ma+e me a cae out o. a tablecloth6 ;ust like Suerman /ears2 Dn0/a06 Pro.essor 8uackenbush start u his /in+ machine an sa0 .or us to begin at age t/elve6 /here *a+ 3om is tellin us his sa+ stor02 =o oor 3om some charit06 /hom the .oul .ien+ ve5es6= 3om sa02 Dn ing Lear sa06 =@hat> oul+st thou save nothing> i+st thou give them all>= Dn the .ool sa06 =Na06 he reserve+ a blanket6 else /e ha+ all been shame+2= 3his shit go on .or a /ile6 then the .ool sa06 =3his col+ night /ill turn us all to .ools an+ ma+men2= In this6 the .ool is correct2 ust bout this time6 I am sose+ to enter into the hovel carr0ing a torch6 /hich Pro.essor 8uackenbush have borro/e+ .rom the +rama +eartment2 3he .ool call out6 =Look = the king a5es2 Dn I sa06 =@hat are 0ou there> Aour names>= *a+ 3om sa0 he is ;us =Po 3om6 that eats the s/immin .ra/g6 the toa+6 the ta+ole an+ the ne/t222= an a bunch o. other shit6 an then I sose+ to su++enl0 recogniFe the king6 an sa0: =@hat = Dn *a+ 3om6 he ans/er6 =3he rince o. +arkness is a gentleman*o+o he7s call7+6 an+ *ahu2= 3he /in+ machine be blo/in har+ no/6 an I reckon Pro.essor 8uackenbush have not consi+ere+ that I am si5 .eet si5 inches tall /hen he built the hovel6 cause the to o. m0 torch is bumin against the ceiling2 *a+ 3om6 he is no/ sose+ to sa06 =Poor 3om7s acol+6= but instea+6 he sa06 =@atch that torch=
I look +o/n at m0 book to see /here that line come .rom6 an Elmer I bet 0ou /as /on+er.ul= 3hen she get a eculiar look on her .ace2 =Sa06 +o 0ou smell somethin burnin>= she a5es2 =It is a long stor06= I sa02
Dn0ho/6 a.ter that I +i+ not atten+ the =-ole o. the I+iot in @orl+ Literature= no more6 as I have seen uite enough2 But ever night I an enn0 are la0in /ith 3he racke+ Eggs an all +a0 long /e is makin love an takin /alks an havin icnics on the banks o. the harles -iver an it is heaven2 enn0 has /ritten a nice ten+er song calle+ =o It to *e
the mone0 /e got .rom *ister eeblestein an bought us a big bus /ith be+s an shit in it an go on the roa+2 No/ there is somethin else +urin that erio+ that la0e+ a great role in m0 li.e2 Cne night a.ter /e is .inishe+ the .irst set at the = =I +unno6= I sa0s6 =ho/ much is too much>= Dn enn0 sa06 =Ds much as 0ou are +oin is too much2= But I +i+n7t /ant to sto2 Someho/6 it got ri+ o. everthing I might be /orrie+ bout6 tho there /a+n7t too much o. that at that time an0/a02 Dt night I7+ go out bet/een sets at the
ma0be /e ought to go somelace an take a vacation2 ,o u to the mountains ma0be2= I ;us no+ m0 hea+2 I ain7t even sure I hear+ all she sai+2 @ell6 the ne5 night in Provinceto/n6 I .in+ the backstage e5it an go on outsi+e to lite u a ;oint2 I am settin there b0 m0se.6 min+in m0 business6 /hen these t/o girls come u2 Cne o. them sa06 == I no+ 0es6 an she ;us lo herse. +o/n in m0 la2 3he other girl is grinnin an suealin an su++enl0 she take o.. her blouse2 Dn the other girl is tr0in to unFi m0 ants an have her skirt ulle+ u an I am ;us settin there blo/e+ a/a02 Su++enl0 the stage +oor oen an enn0 call out6 =orrest6 it is time to222= an she sto .or a secont an then she sa06 =D/e shit6= an slam the +oor2 I ;ume+ u then6 an the girl in m0 la .elle+ on the groun an the other one is cussin an all6 but I /ent insi+e an there is enn0 leane+ u against the /all cr0in2 I /ent u to her but she sa06 =ee a/a0 .rom me6 0ou shithea+ Aou men is all alike6 ;us like +ogs or somethin0ou got no resect .or an0bo+0= I ain7t never .elt so ba+2 I +on7t remember much bout that last set /e la0e+2 enn0 /ent u to the .ront o. the bus on the tri back an /oul+n7t seak to me none at all2 3hat night she sle on the so.a an the ne5 mornin she sa0 ma0be it is time .or me to .in+ m0 o/n lace2 Dn so I acke+ u m0 shit an le.t2 *0 hea+ hangin ver0 lo/2 oul+n7t e5lain it to her or nothin2 3ho/e+ out again2
enn06 she took o.. somelace a.ter that2 I a5e+ aroun6 but nobo+0 kno/e+ /here she /as2 *ose sa0 I can bunk /ith him till I .in+ a lace6 but it is a terrible lonel0 time2 Since /e ain7t la0in none .or the moment6 there ain7t nothin much to +o6 an I be thinkin ma0be it7s time I go on back home an see m0 mama an ma0be start u that little srim bi+ness +o/n /here o ole Bubba use+ to live2 Perhas I is not cut out to be a rock an roll star2 Perhas6 I think6 I ain7t nothin but a bumblin i+iot an0ho/2 But then one +a0 *ose come back an he sa0 he /as over to a saloon on the corner /atchin the tv ne/s6 an /ho shoul+ he see but enn0 urran2 She is +o/n in @ashington6 he sa06 marchin in a big +emonstration against the Hietnam @ar6 an *ose sa0 he /on+erin /h0 she botherin /ith that shit /hen she ought to be u here makin us mone02 I sa0 I has got to go see her6 an *ose sa06 =@ell6 see i. 0ou can bring her back2=
has taken an aartment in @ashington to +emonstrate against the /ar2 I acke+ u all m0 shiteverthin I o/nan thanke+ *ose an then I am on m0 /a02 @hether I come back or not6 I +o not kno/2
@hen I get +o/n to @ashington6 everthin is a mess2 3he0 is olice ever/here an eole be shoutin in the streets an tho/in things like in a riot2 Police be bongin .olks on the hea+ /hat tho/ things6 an the situation look like it be gettin out o. han2 I .in+ the a++ress o. the lace enn0 might be at6 an go over there6 but ain7t nobo+0 home2 I /aite+ on the stes .or most o. the +a06 then6 bout nine o7clock at night6 a car ull u an some .olks get out an there she is I get u .rom the stes an /alk to/ar+s her6 but she turn a/a0 .rom me an run back to the car2 3hem other eole6 t/o gu0s an a girl6 the0 +i+n7t kno/ /hat to +o6 or /ho I /as6 but then one o. them sa06 =Look6 I /oul+n7t .ool /ith her right no/she is a/.ul uset2= I a5e+ /h06 an the .eller take me asi+e an tell me this: enn0 has +one ;us got out o. ;ail2 She have been arreste+ the +a0 be.ore6 an sent the night in the /omen7s ;ail6 an this mornin6 .ore an0bo+0 coul+ get her out6 the eole at the ;ail +one sai+ she might have lice or somethin in her hair cause it so long an all6 an the0 ha+ all her hair shave+ o..2 enn0 is bal+2 @ell6 I reckon she +on7t /ant me to see her this /a06 cause she has +one got into the back seat o. the car an is l0in +o/n2 So I cra/le+ u on m0 hans an knees so I coul+n7t see in the /in+er6 an I sa06 =enn0it7s me6 orrest2= She +on7t sa0 nothing6 so I start tellin her ho/ sorr0 I am bout /hat7s haene+2 I tell her I ain7t gonna smoke no more +oe6 nor la0 in the ban+ no more on account o. all the ba+ temtations2 Dn I sa0 I7m sorr0 bout her hair2 3hen I cra/le+ back to the stes /here m0 shit is6 an looke+ in m0 +u..elbag an .in+ a ole /atch ca .rom the Drm0 an cra/le+ back to the car an stuck it on a stick an olke+ it thru the /in+er2 She took it6 an ut it on6 an come out o. the car6 an sa06 =D/e get u o.. the groun 0ou big BoFo6 an come into the house2= @e set an talke+ .or a /ile6 an them other eole been smokin +oe an +rinkin beer6 but I ain7t havin none2 3he0 is all +iscussin /hat the0 is gonna +o tomorro/6 /hich is that the0 is a big +emonstration at the ?2S2 aitol at /hich a bunch o. Hietnam veterans is gonna take o.. the0 me+als an tho/ them on the stes o. the aitol2 Dn enn0 su++enl0 sa06 =o 0ou kno/ orrest here +one /on the ongressional *e+al
o. = Dn everbo+0 get comletel0 uiet an be lookin at me6 an then at each other6 an one o. them sa06 =esus hrist have ;ust sent us a resent= @ell6 the ne5t mornin6 enn0 come into the livin room /here I is sleein on the so.a an sa06 =orrest6 I /ant 0ou to go /ith us to+a06 an I /ant 0ou to /ear 0our Drm0 uni.orm2= @hen I a5e+ /h06 she sa06 =Because 0ou is gonna +o somethin to sto all the su..erin over in Hietnam2= Dn so I get into m0 uni.orm6 an enn0 come back a.ter a /ile /ith a bunch o. chains she has bought at the har+/are store6 an sa06 =orrest6 /ra these aroun 0ou2= I a5e+ /h0 again6 but she sa06 =ust +o it6 0ou /ill .in+ out later2 Aou /ant to make me ha06 +oesn7t 0ou>= Dn so o.. /e /ent6 me in m0 uni.orm an the chains an enn0 an the other .olks2 It is a bright clear +a0 an /hen /e get to the aitol the0 is a mob there /ith tv cameras an all the olice in the /orl+2 Everbo+0 be chantin an hollerin an givin the .inger to the olice2 D.ter a /ile6 I seen some other gu0s in Drm0 uni.orms an the0 /as bunche+ together an then6 one b0 one6 the0 commence+ to /alk as close as the0 can get to the stes o. the aitol an the0 took o.. the0 me+als an tho/e+ them2 Some o. the .ellers /as in /heelchairs an some /as lame an some /as missing arms an legs2 Some o. them ;us tosse+ the0 me+al on to the stes6 but others reall0 tho/e+ them har+2 Somebo+0 ta me on the shoul+er an sa0 it is m0 turn no/2 I look back at enn0 an she no+6 so I go on u there m0se.2 It get sort o. uiet6 then somebo+0 on a bullhorn announce m0 name6 an sa0 I is gonna tho/ a/a0 the ongressional *e+al o.
I am in ;ail all night long6 an in the mornin the0 come an take me in .ront o. the ;u+ge2 I has been there be.ore2 Somebo+0 tell the ;u+ge that I is accuse+ o. =assault /ith a +angerous /eaona me+al an resistin arrest6= an so on an han him a sheet o. aer2 =*ister ,um6= the ;u+ge sa06 =+o 0ou realiFe that 0ou have conke+ the lerk o. the ?2S2 Senate on the hea+ /ith 0our me+al>= I ain7t sa0in nothin6 but it look like I am in serious trouble this time2 =*ister ,um6= the ;u+ge sa06 =I +o not kno/ /hat a man o. 0our stature6 a man /hat has serve+ his countr0 so /ell6 is +oin mi5e+ u /ith a bunch o. tuit0.ruities that is tho/in a/a0 their me+als6 but I /ill tell 0ou /hat6 I is gonna or+er 0ou committe+ .or s0chiatric observation .or thirt0 +a0s to see i. the0 can .igger out /h0 0ou has +one such a i+iotic thing2= 3he0 took me back to m0 cell a.ter that6 an a /ile later loa+ me on a bus an truck me o.. to St2 EliFabeth7s mental hosital2 inall06 I am =Put D/a02=
1%
3his lace is a serious loon0 bin2 3he0 ut me in a room /ith a .eller calle+ re+ that has been here .or almost a 0ear2
@ell6 /ith one or t/o e5cetions6 ever time I take o.. m0 clothes6 somethin ba+ haen to me6 so I sa0s I /oul+ rather not6 an she make a note o. this an then tell me either I +o it m0se.6 or she /ill get the atten+ants to he me2 It /as that kin+ o. +eal2 I go on an +o it6 an /hen I is butt necki+6 she come into the room an look at me6 u an +o/n6 an sa06 =*06 m00ou is a .ine secimen o. a man= Dn0ho/6 she start bongin me on the knee /ith a little rubber hammer like the0 +one back at the ?niversit06 an olkin me in all sorts o. laces2 But she ain7t never sai+ .or me to =ben+ over6= an .or this I am grate.ul2 D.ter/ar+6 she sa0 I can get +resse+ an go back to m0 room2 Cn the /a0 there6 I ast b0 a room /ith a glass +oor an insi+e it the0 is a bunch o. little gu0s6 settin an l0in aroun6 +roolin an sasmoin an beatin on the .loor /ith the0 .ists2 I ;us stoo+ there .or a /ile6 lookin in6 an I7m .eelin real sorr0 .or themkin+a remin+ me o. m0 +a0s back at the nut school2
D coule o. +a0s later6 I am tole to reort to octor @alton7s o..ice again2 @hen I get there6 she is /ith t/o other gu0s +resse+ u as +octors6 an she sa0 the0 is octor uke an+ octor Earlboth /ith the National Institute o. *ental
3he0 .lo/n me +o/n to = I no+ m0 hea+2 I kno/e+ I got to get outta ;ail an .in+ enn0 again2 I am missin her somethin terrible2 I am at the NDSD lace at = I thought .or a minute6 an then I sa0s I ha+ better a5e m0 mama .irst6 but the0 make an even stronger argumentlike sen+in the ne5t ten 0ears o. m0 li.e in the slammer2 Dn so I sa0s 0es6 /hich is usuall0 /hat gets me in trouble ever time2
3he i+ea the0 has thought u is to ut me in a saceshi an shoot me u aroun the earth bout a million miles2 3he0 has alrea+0 shot eole u to the moon6 but the0 +i+n7t .in+ nothin there /orth a shit6 so /hat the0 is lannin ne5 is a visit to *ars2 ortunatel0 .or me6 *ars is not /hat the0 got in min+ at the momentinstea+6 this is to be a sort o. trainin mission in /hich the0 gonna tr0 to .igger out /hat kin+ o. .olks /oul+ be suite+ best .or the *ars tri2 Besi+es me6 the0 has icke+ a /oman an a ae to go along2 3he /oman is a crabb0lookin la+0 calle+ *a;or anet ritch6 /ho is sose+ to be Dmerica7s .irst /oman astronaut6 onl0 nobo+0 kno/s bout her cause all this be rett0 to secret2 She is a sort o. short la+0 /ith hair look like it been cut b0 uttin a bo/l over her hea+6 an she +on7t seem to have much use .or either me or the ae2
3he ae ain7t so ba+6 actuall02 It is a big ole .emale orangutang calle+ Sue6 /hat has been cature+ in the ;ungles o. Sumatra or somelace2 Dctuall0 the0 has got a /hole bunch o. them aes +o/n here6 an have been shootin them u into sace .or a long /ile6 but the0 sa0s Sue /ill be best on this tri on account o. she is a .emale an /ill be .rien+lier than a male ae6 an also6 this /ill be her thir+ sace .light2 @hen I .in+ this out6 I am /on+erin ho/ come the0 gonna sen+ us /a0 u there /ith the onl0 e5erience+ cre/ member bein a ae2 in+ o. makes 0ou think6 +on7t it> Dn0ho/6 /e got to go thru all kin+s o. trainin be.ore the .light2 3he0 uttin us in c0clotrons an sinnin us aroun6 an in little rooms /ith no gravit0 an such as that2 Dn all +a0 long the0 be crammin m0 min+ /ith shit the0 /ant me to remember6 such as euations to .igger the +istance bet/een /herever /e is6 an /herever the0 /ant us to go6 an ho/ to get back againG all kin+s o. cra like coa5iel coor+inates6 co sine comutations6 sherio+ trigonometr06 Boolean algebra6 antilogarithms6 ourier anal0sis6 ua+rats an matri5 math2 3he0 sa0 I is to be the =backu= .or the backu comuter2 I have /rit a bunch o. letters to enn0 urran but all o. them +one come back =D++ressee not no/n2= Dlso I +one /rote to m0 mama6 an she sen+ me back a long letter the gist o. /hich is == I +are+ not tell her that I am .acin a ;ail sentence i. I +on7t6 so I ;us /rite her back an sa0 not to /orr06 on account o. /e has an e5erience+ cre/2
@ell6 the big +a0 .inall0 come6 an let me sa0 this: I am not ;us a little bit nervousI am scant ha. to +eath Even tho it /as to secret6 the stor0 +one leake+ to the ress an+ no/ /e gonna be on tv an all2 3hat mornin6 somebo+0 brung us the ne/saers to sho/ us ho/ .amous /e /as2 = 3he onl0 one that soun+e+ hal./a0 nice /as the hea+line in the Ne/ Aa/k 3imes 6
/hich sa06 =Ne/ Sace Probe
sort o. turne+ aroun6 an lo/ an behole6 it ain7t Sue settin there at all6 it is a big ole male ae6 /hat got his teeth bare+ an is grain holt o. his seatbelt stras like he is about to bust loose an0 secont I tell *a;or ritch an she look aroun an sa06 =Ch m0 ,o+= an get on the ra+io to /hoever it is in the groun control to/er2 =Listen6= she sa06 =0ou has ma+e a mistake an ut one o. them male aes in here /ith us6 so /e better call this thing o.. till it is straightene+ out2= But all o. a su++en the saceshi start to rumblin an uakin an the gu0 in the control to/er sa0s over the ra+io6 =3hat7s 0our roblem no/6 sister6 /e got a sche+ule to meet2= Dn a/a0 /e go2
1&
*0 .irst imression is o. bein suashe+ un+er somethin6 such as m0 +a++0 /as /hen them bananas .ell on him2 an7t move6 can7t 0ell6 can7t sa0 nothin6 can7t +o nothin/e is strictl0 here .or the ri+e2 Cutsi+e6 lookin thru the /in+er6 all I can see is blue sk02 3he saceshi is movin out2 D.ter a little /ile6 /e seem to slo/ +o/n some6 an things ease u2 *a;or ritch sa0 /e can unbuckle our seatbelts no/6 an get on bout our bi+ness6 /hatever it is2 She sa0 /e is no/ travelin at a see+ o. .i.teen thousan miles a hour2 I look back an sure enough6 the earth is onl0 a little ball behin us6 ;ust like it look in all them ichers .rom outer sace2 I look aroun6 an there7s the big ole ae6 all sourlookin6 an glum6 glarin at *a;or ritch an me2 She sa0 ma0be he /ant his lunch or somethin6 an .or me to go on back there an give him a banana a.ore he gets angr0 an +oes somethin ba+2 3he0 has acke+ a little bag o. .oo+ .or the ae an it contain bananas an some cereals an +rie+ berries an leaves an shit like that2 I get it oen an start rummagin thru it lookin .or somethin that /ill make the ae ha06 an meantime6 *a;or ritch is on the ra+io /ith
=3he hell it is6= *a;or ritch sa02 =I. 0ou /as in this little bitt0 comartment /ith that big ole thing 0ou /oul+ be singing a +i..erent tune2= Dn a.ter a minute or t/o a voice come cracklin over the ra+io6 sa06 =Look6 0ou is or+ere+ not to tell an0bo+0 about this6 or /e /ill all be ma+e laughingstocks2 Ds .ar as 0ou or an0bo+0 else is concerne+6 that ae is Sueno matter /hat it7s got bet/een its legs2= *a;or ritch look at me an shake her hea+2 =D0e6 a0e6 sir6= she sa06 =but I7m gonna kee that .ucker strae+ in as long as I7m in here /ith him0ou un+erstan+ that>= Dn .rom the groun+ control there come back one /or+: =-oger2=
Dctuall06 a.ter 0ou get use+ to it6 bein in outer sace is kin+ o. .un2 @e is /ithout gravit06 an so can .loat all over the saceshi6 an the scener0 is remarkablemoon an sun6 earth an stars2 I /on+er /here enn0 urran is +o/n there6 an /hat she is +oin2 Droun an aroun the earth /e go2 a0 an night go b0 ever hour or so an it sort o. ut a +i..erent ersective on things2 I mean6 here I am +oin this6 an /hen I get backor shoul+ I sa0 i. I get back/hat then> ,o an start u m0 little srimgro/in bi+ness> ,o .in+ enn0 again> Pla0 in 3he racke+ Eggs> o somethin about m0 mama bein in the o house> It is all ver0 strange2 *a;or ritch be catchin a /ink or t/o o. slee /henever she can6 but /hen she ain7t sleein6 she is bitchin2 rabbin bout the ae6 crabbin bout /hat kin+ o. ;acko..s the0 is +o/n at groun control6 crabbin bout she got no lace to ut on her makeu6 crabbin bout me eatin .oo+ /hen it ain7t suer or lunchtime2 It grae+ the banana an starte+ eelin it6 but then it ut the banana +o/n2 Banana starte+ .loatin all aroun the cabin o. the saceshi an I got to go .in+ it2 I give it back to the ae an he start mushin it u an .lingin the mush everlace6 an I got to go clean that u2 @ants attention all the time too2 Evertime 0ou leave it alone it commences to ut u an enormous racket an clack its ;a/s together like a set o. them /in+u teeth2 rive 0ou nuts a.ter a /ile2
inall0 I got out m0 harmonica an starte+ la0in a little somethin== but b0 then it is too late2
3he saceshi is /eavin all aroun an goin en+ over en+ an me6 Sue an *a;or ritch is tosse+ aroun like corks2 an7t gra holt o. nothin6 can7t turn o.. nothin6 can7t stan u or set +o/n2 3he voice o. groun control come over the ra+io again6 sa06 =@e is noticin some kine o. minor stabiliFation trouble /ith 0our cra.t2 orrest6 /ill 0ou manuall0 insert the si5 rogram into the starboar+ comuter>= Shithe got to be ;okin I7m sinnin aroun like a to an I got a /il+ ae loose in here to boot *a;or ritch is hollerin so lou+ I cannot hear or even think nothin6 but the gist o. /hat she is hollerin seem to be that /e is bout to crash an burn2 I manage+ to get a glance out o. the /in+er6 an in .act things +on7t look goo+2 3hat earth comin u on us might0 .ast2
Someho/ I manage+ to get to /here the starboar+ comuter is6 an hol+ on to the anel /ith one han an I7m uttin si5 into the machine2 It is a rogram +esigne+ to lan+ the saceshi in the In+ian Ccean in case /e get in trouble6 /hich /e certainl0 is no/2 *a;or ritch an ole Sue be hol+in on .or +ear li.e6 but *a;or ritch holler out6 =@hat is 0ou +oin over there>= @hen I tole her6 she sa06 =orgit that6 0ou stui+ tur+/e is alrea+0 +one asse+ over the In+ian Ccean2 @ait till /e go roun again an see i. 0ou can set us +o/n in the South Paci.ic2= Believe it or not6 it +on7t take much time to go roun the /orl+ /hen 0ou is in a saceshi6 an *a;or ritch has grae+ holt to the ra+io microhone an is hollerin at them eole at groun control that /e is hea+e+ .or either a slash+o/n or crash+o/n in the South Paci.ic Ccean an to come get us as soon as the0 can2 I7m unchin buttons like craF0 an that big ole earth is loomin closer2 @e .l0 over somethin *a;or ritch thinks look like South Dmerica an then there be onl0 /ater again6 /ith the South Pole o.. to our le.t an Dustralia u ahea+2 3hen everthing get scorchin hot6 an .unn0 little souns are comin .rom the outsi+e o. the saceshi an it start shakin an hissin an the earth is +ea+ u ahea+2 *a;or ritch shout to me6 =Pull the arachute lever= but I am inne+ in m0 seat2 Dn she is resse+ u against the ceilin o. the cabin6 an so it look like it7s curtains .or us6 since /e is goin bout ten thousan miles a hour6 an hea+e+ straight .or a big ole green blob o. lan+ in the ocean2 @e hit that goin this .ast6 ain7t even gonna be a grease sot le.2 But then all o. a su++en somethin go =o= an the saceshi slo/ +o/n2 I look over6 an +amn i. ole Sue ain7t ulle+ the arachute lever hisse. an save+ our asses2 I remin+ m0se. then an there to .ee+ him a banana /hen all this shit is over2
Dn0ho/6 the saceshi be s/ingin back an .orth un+er the arachute6 an it look like /e is gonna hit the big ole green blob o. lan+/hich aarentl0 ain7t so goo+ neither6 since /e is sose+ onl0 to hit /ater an then shis /ill ick us u2 But ain7t nothin gone right .rom the time /e set .oot in this contration6 so /h0 shoul+ an0bo+0 e5ect it to no/> *a;or ritch is on the ra+io an sa0in to groun control6 =@e is bout to lan+ on somelace north o. Dustralia out in the ocean6 but I ain7t sure /here /e is2= oule o. seconts later a voice come back sa06 =I. 0ou ain7t sure /here 0ou is6 /h0 +on7t 0ou look out the /in+er6 0ou +umb broa+>= So *a;or ritch ut the ra+io +o/n an go look out the /in+er an she sa06 =esusthis look like Borneo or somelace6= but /hen she tr0 to tell that to groun control6 the ra+io +one gone +ea+2 @e be gettin real close to the earth no/6 an the saceshi still s/inging un+er the arachute2 3here is nothin but ;ungle an mountains beneath us cet .or a little bitt0 lake that is kin+ o. bro/n2 @e can barel0 make out somethin going on ne5 to the lake +o/n there2 3he three o. usme6 Sue an *a;or ritchall got our noses resse+ to the /in+er lookin +o/n6 an all o. a su++en *a;or ritch cr0 out6 =,oo+ ,o+ 3his ain7t Borneothis is .uckin Ne/ ,uinea6 an all that shit on the groun must be one o. them argo ults or somethin= Sue an me lookin +o/n har+6 an there on the groun ne5 to the lake6 lookin back at us6 is about a thousan natives6 all /ith the0 arms raise+ u to/ar+s us2 3he0 is /earin little grass skirts an has their hair all .la0e+ out6 an some is carr0in shiel+s an sears2 =amn6= I sa06 =/hat 0ou sa0 the0 is>= =argo ult6= *a;or ritch sa02 =In @orl+ @ar II /e use+ to +ro ackages o. can+0 an stu.. like that on these ;ungle bunnies to kee em on our si+e6 an the0 ain7t never .orgot it2 iggere+ it /as ,o+ or somebo+0 +oin it6 an ever since6 the0 is /aiting .or us to come back2 Even built cru+e run/a0s an allsee +o/n there> 3he0 has got a lan+in Fone all marke+ o.. /ith them big roun black markers2= =3hem things look more like cookin ots to me6= I sa0s2 =Aeah6 the0 +o6 sort o.6= *a;or ritch sa0 curiousl02 =Din7t this /here cannibals come .rom>= I a5e+2 =I reckon /e /ill soon .in+ out6= she sa02
Saceshi is gentl0 s/ingin to/ar+s the lake6 an ;us a.ore /e hit6 the0 start beatin the0 +rums an movin the0 mouths u an+ +o/n2 @e can7t hear nothin on account o. bein in the casule6 but our maginations +oin ;ust .ine2
14
Cur lan+in in the little lake /as not too ba+2 3= 3hen all o. a su++en ole Sue go over an oen the +oor hisse.2 Stan+in there outsi+e is the biggest coon I has seen since /e la0e+ them Nebraska corn shucker ;acko..s in the Crange Bo/l2
saceshi +oor2 Ds a matter o. .act6 he is so surise+ that he keel over in a +ea+ .aint2 *a;or ritch an me is eein out the /in+er again6 an /hen all them other natives seen this .eller keel over6 the0 run o.. in the shrubs an hi+eI guess to /ait an see /hat7s gonna haen ne52 *a;or ritch sa06 == an he stick out his han2 I shake his han6 but then *a;or ritch start tr0in to tell him /ho /e is6 sa0in /e is6 =Particiants in the NDSD multiorbital relanetar0 subgravitational intersheroi+ sace.light trainin mission2= 3he .eller ;us stan there gain at us like /e /as sacemen6 an so I sa0s6 =@e is Dmericans6= an all o. a su++en his e0es light u an he sa06 =o tell Dmericans @hat a ;oll0 .ine sho/I sa0= =Aou seak English>= *a;or ritch a5e+2 =@h0 hell 0es6= he sa02 =I7ve been to Dmerica be.ore2 uring the /ar2 I /as recruite+ b0 the C..ice o. Strategic Services to learn English6 an+ then sent back here to organiFe our eole in guerrilla /ar.are against the aanese2= Dt this6 Sue7s e0es get big an bright2 It seem kin+a .unn0 to me6 thougha big ole boon like this seaking such goo+ Dmerican out in the mi++le o. nolace6 so I sa0s6 =@here7+ 0ou go t7school>=
=@h06 I /ent to Aale6 ol+ sort6= he sa0s2 =BoolaBoola6 an all that2= @hen he sa0 =boolaboola6= all them other Sambo7s start chantin it too6 an the +rums start u again6 until the big gu0 /ave them uiet2 =*0 name is Sam6= he sa02 =Dt least that7s /hat the0 calle+ me at Aale2 *0 real name7s uite a mouth.ul2 @hat a +elight 0ou +roe+ in2 @oul+ 0ou like some tea>= *e an *a;or ritch be lookin at each other2 She is +amn near seechless6 so I sa0s6 =Aeah6 that7+ be goo+6= an then *a;or ritch get her voice back an seak u kin+ o. highitche+6 =Aou ain7t got a hone /e can use6 +o 0ou>= she sa02 Big Sam sort o. sco/l an /ave his hans an the +rums start u again an /e be escorte+ into the ;ungle /ith everbo+0 chantin =boolaboola2=
3he0 has got the0sel.s a little village set u in the ;ungle /ith grass huts an shit ;us like in the movies6 an Big Sam7s hut is the gran+est o. all2 Cut in .ront he got a chair look like a throne6 an .our or .ive /omen /earin nothin on to are +oin /hatever he sa02 Cne o. the things he sa0 is .or them to get us some tea6 an then he oint to a coule o. big stones .or *a;or ritch an me to set +o/n on2 Sue has been .ollo/in along behin us all the /a06 hol+in on to m0 han6 an Big Sam motion .or him to set on the groun2 =3hat7s a terri.ic ae 0ou have there6= Sam sa0s2 =@here7+ 0ou get him>= == sa0s Big Sam2 =Is he ai+>= =I think he7+ like a banana6= I sa0s2 Big Sam sai+ somethin an one o. the /oman natives brung Sue a banana2 =I7m a/.ull0 sorr06= Big Sam sa06 =I think I haven7t aske+ 0our names2= =*a;or anet ritch6 ?nite+ States Dir orce2 Serial number !4$&4$#&2 3hat7s all I7m going to tell 0ou2= =Ch6 m0 +ear /oman6= sa0s Big Sam2 =Aou are not a risoner here2 @e are ;ust oor back/ar+ tribesmen2 Some sa0 /e7ve not rogresse+ much since the Stone Dge2 @e mean 0ou no harm2= =I ain7t got nothin else to sa0 till I can use the hone6= *a;or ritch sa02
=Her0 /ell then6= sa0s Big Sam2 =Dn+ /hat o. 0ou6 0oung man>= =*0 name is orrest6= I tell him2 =-eall06= he sa02 =Is that taken .rom 0our .amous ivil @ar ,eneral Nathan Be+.or+ orrest>= =Ae6= I sa0s2 == I starte+ to sa0 I /ent u to the ?niversit0 o. Dlabama .or a /ile6 but then I +eci+e+ to la0 it sa.e6 an so I tole him I /ent to
It /as late in the a.ternoon an Big Sam tole a coule o. them native /omen to sho/ us /here /e is gonna sta02 It is a grass hut /ith a +irt .loor an a little entrance/a06 an it sort o. remin+ me o. the hovel /here ing Lear /ent2 3/o big ole .ellers /ith sears come u an be stan+in guar+ outsi+e our +oor2 Dll night long them natives be beatin on the0 +rums an chantin =boolaboola6= an /e coul+ see out the entrance that the0 have set u a great big caul+ron an built a .ire un+er it2 *e an *a;or ritch +on7t kno/ /hat to make o. all this6 but I reckon ole Sue +oes6 cause he settin over in the corner b0 hisse.6 lookin glum2 Bout nine or ten o7clock the0 still ain7t .e+ us no .oo+6 an *a;or ritch sa0 ma0be I ought to go a5e Big Sam .or our suer2 I start to go out the +oor o. the hovel but them t/o natives cross the0 sears in .ront o. me6 an I get the message an go back insi+e2 Su++enl0 it +a/n on me ho/ come /e ain7t been invite+ to suer/e is the suer2 It is a bleak outlook2 3hen the +rums uit an the0 sto chantin =boolaboola2= Cutsi+e /e hear somebo+0 sua/kin an he is ans/ere+ b0 somebo+0 else sua/kin that soun+ like Big Sam2 3hat go on .or a /ile6 an the argument get real heate+ u2 ust as it seem like the0 can7t shout an0 lou+er6 /e hear this big =conk6= /hich soun+ like somebo+0 get hit over the hea+ /ith a boar+ or somethin2 Everthing get uiet .or a moment6 then the +rums start u again an everbo+0 chantin =boolaboola= once more2
Ne5t mornin6 /e settin there an Big Sam come thru the +oor an he sa06 == == Big Sam get a aine+ look on his .ace6 an sa06 =Ch6 I7m sorr0 about that2 But 0ou see6 m0 eole /ere6 ah6 sort o. e5ectin a gi.t o. some sort /hen the0 sa/ 0our vehicle +ro .rom the sk02 @e have been /aiting since 194$ .or the return o. 0our eole an their resents to us2 @hen the0 sa/ that 0ou ha+ no resents6 naturall0 the0 assume+ that 0ou /ere the resent6 an+ the0 /ere reare+ to cook 0ou an+ eat 0ou until I ersua+e+ them other/ise2= =Aou7re shittin me6 buster6= *a;or ritch sa02 =3o the contrar06= sa0s Big Sam2 =Aou see6 m0 eole are not e5actl0 /hat 0ou /oul+ call civiliFe+ at least b0 0our stan+ar+sas the0 have a articular a..ection .or human .lesh2 Eseciall0 /hite meat2= =o 0ou mean to tell me 0ou eole are cannibals>= *a;or ritch sa02 Big Sam shrug his shoul+ers2 =3hat7s bout the siFe o. it2= =3hat7s +isgusting6= sa0s *a;or ritch2 =Listen6 0ou has got to see to it that /e is not harme+6 an that /e get out o. here an back to civiliFation2 3here is robabl0 a search art0 .rom NDSD about to arrive an0 minute2 I +eman+ that 0ou treat us /ith the +ignit0 0ou /oul+ accor+ an0 allie+ nation2= =Dh6= Big Sam sa06 =that /as recisel0 /hat the0 ha+ in min+ last night2= =No/ see here= sa0s *a;or ritch2 =I +eman+ that /e be set .ree this instant6 an+ allo/e+ to make our /a0 to the nearest cit0 or to/n /here there is a telehone2= =I am a.rai+6= Big Sam sa06 =that /oul+ be imossible2 Even i. /e +i+ turn 0ou loose6 the 0gmies /oul+ get 0ou be.ore 0ou /ent a hun+re+ 0ar+s into the ;ungle2= =P0gmies>= sa0 *a;or ritch2 =@e have been at /ar /ith the 0gmies .or man0 generations2 Somebo+0 stole a ig once6 I thinknobo+0 remembers /ho or /hereit is lost in legen+2 But /e are virtuall0 surroun+e+ b0 the 0gmies6 an+ have been ever since an0one can remember2= =@ell6= sa0s *a;or ritch6 =I7+ rather us take our chances /ith 0gmies than /ith a
bunch o. .ucking cannibalsthe 0gmies ain7t cannibals6 is the0>= =No6 ma+am6= Big Sam sa06 =the0 are hea+hunters2= =3erri.ic6= *a;or ritch sa0 sourl02 =No/ last night6= Big Sam sa0s6 =I manage+ to save 0ou .rom the cooking ot6 but I am not sure ho/ long I can kee m0 eole at ba02 3he0 are +etermine+ to turn 0our aearance into some sort o. gain2= =Is that so>= *a;or ritch sa0s2 =Like /hat>= =@ell6 .or one thing6 0our ae2 I think the0 /oul+ at least like to be able to eat him2= =3hat ae is the sole roert0 o. the ?nite+ States o. Dmerica6= sa0s *a;or ritch2 =Nonetheless6= Big Sam sa0s6 =I think it /oul+ be a +ilomatic gesture on 0our art2= Cle Sue be .ro/nin an no++in his hea+ slo/l0 an lookin sorro/.ull0 out the +oor2 =Dn+ then6= Big Sam continue6 =I think that /ile 0ou are here6 0ou coul+ erhas +o some /ork .or us2= =@hat sort o. /ork>= *a;or ritch sa0 susiciousl02 =@ell6= sa0 Big Sam6 =.arming /ork2 Dgriculture2 Aou see6 I have been tr0ing to imrove the ignominious lot o. m0 eole .or man0 0ears2 Dn+ not too long ago I stumble+ on an i+ea2 I. /e can siml0 turn the .ertile soil here to our a+vantage6 an+ bring to it some o. the mo+ern techniues o. agronom06 /e might thus begin to haul ourselves out o. our tribal re+icament an+ assume a role in the /orl+ marketlace2 In short6 turn ourselves a/a0 .rom this back/ar+ an+ stale econom0 an+ become a viable6 culture+ race o. eoles2= =@hat kin+ o. .arming>= *a;or ritch a5e+2 =otton6 m0 +ear /oman6 cotton ing o. cash cros 3he lant that built an emire in 0our o/n countr0 some 0ears ago2= =Aou e5ectin us to gro/ cotton= *a;or ritch sua/ke+2 =Aou bet 0our s/eet ass I +o6 sister6= Big Sam sa02
1$
@ell6 here /e is6 Plantin otton2 Dcres an acres an acres o. it2 Dll u an +o/n the /hole creation2 I. the0 is an0thin sure in m0 li.e6 it is that i. /e ever get our asses outta here6 I +on7t never /ant to be no cotton .armer2 Several things +one haene+ a.ter that .irst +a0 in the ;ungle /ith Big Sam an the cannibals2 irst6 *a;or ritch an me has convince+ Big Sam not to make us give o ole Sue to his tribe to eat2 @e has ersua+e+ him that Sue /oul+ be o. a lot more use hein us lant the cotton than he /oul+ be as a meal2 Dn so ever +a0 there is ole Sue out there /ith us6 /earin a big stra/ hat an carr0in a gunn0sack6 lantin cotton2 Dlso6 bout the thir+ or .orth /eek /e /as there6 Big Sam come into our hovel an sa06 =Look here6 orrest ol+ bo06 +o 0ou la0 chess>= Dn I sa0s6 =No2= Dn he sa06 =@ell6 0ou7re a = I /oul+n7t sa0 nothin6 or ;us shrug m0 shoul+ers6 an that /ou+ sen+ Big Sam into a rage2 Cne +a0 he sa06 =Aou kno/6 orrest6 I am surel0 gla+ 0ou have come here6 so I can have somebo+0 to la0 chess /ith6 an I am gla+ I have save+ 0ou .rom that cooking ot2 Cnl0 thing is6 I reall0 /oul+ like to /in ;us one chess game .rom 0ou2= Dt that6 Big Sam be lickin his chos6 an it +i+n7t take no i+iot to .igger out that i. I let
him /in ;us one game6 he /as gonna be satis.ie+6 an have me .or his suer6 then an there2 in+a ke me on m0 toes6 i. 0ou kno/ /hat I mean2 *eantime6 a ver0 strange thing has haene+ /ith *a;or ritch2 Cne +a0 she is /alkin back .rom the cotton .iel+s /ith Sue an me6 /hen a big ole black arm oke out .rom a clum o. bushes an beckon her over2 *e an Sue stoe+6 an *a;or ritch /alk over to the clum o. bushes an sa06 =@ho7s that in there>= Dll o. a su++en6 the big ole arm reache+ out an grae+ a holt o. *a;or ritch an snatche+ her into the bush2 Sue an me looke+ at each other an then run over to /here she /as2 Sue got there .irst an I /as about to lea into the bushes m0se.6 /hen Sue sto me2 = I no+ m0 hea+2 =orrest2 Aou /oul+n7t tell nobo+0 bout this6 /oul+ 0ou>= *a;or ritch a5e+2 No/ /ho in hell /as she thinkin I /oul+ tell6 is /hat I /ant to kno/> But I ;ust shook m0 hea+6 an *a;or ritch got her shit an /ent o.. /ith ,rurck to his lace2 Dn that7s the /a0 it /as2
3he +a0s an months an .inall0 the 0ears come an go6 an ever +a0 me an Sue an *a;or ritch be /orkin in the cotton .iel+s6 an I am beginnin to .eel like ?ncle -emus or somebo+02 Dt night6 a.ter I .inish /uin Big Sam at chess6 I go into the hovel /ith ole Sue an /e set aroun .or a /ile2 It has got to /here Sue an me can sort o. talk to each other6 gruntin an makin .aces an /avin our hans2 D.ter a long time I am able to iece together his li.e stor06 an it turn out to be bout as sorr0 as mine2
@hen he /as ;us a little bitt0 ae6 Sue7s mama an oa /as /alkin in the ;ungle one +a0 /hen these gu0s come along an tho/e+ a net over them6 an +rug them o..2
3he cotton .armin a+venture o. Big Sam7s is be0on an0one7s /il+est +reams2 @e has so/e+ an harveste+ bale a.ter bale6 an the0 is storin it in big grass shacks built u o.. the groun2 inall0 one +a06 Big Sam sa0 the0 is .i5in to construct a big boata bargeto loa+ u the cotton an .ight our /a0 thru 0gm0 countr0 +o/n to /here /e can sell the cotton an make a .ortune2
=I have got it all .igure+ out6= Big Sam sa0s2 =irst /e auction o.. the cotton an+ get our mone02 3hen /e /ill use it to bu0 the kin+s o. things m0 eole nee+2= I a5e+ him /hat /as that6 an he sa06 =Ch6 0ou kno/6 ol+ sort6 bea+s an+ trinkets6 erhas a mirror or t/oa ortable ra+io an+ ma0be a bo5 o. goo+ uban cigarsan+ a case or t/o o. booFe2= So this is the kin+ o. +eal /e is in2 Dn0ho/6 the months go b06 an /e is harvesting the last cotton cro o. the season2 Big Sam has +one ;ust bout .inishe+ the river barge that is to take us thru 0gm0 countr0 to the to/n6 an the night be.ore /e is to leave6 the0 hol+ a big hoe+o/n to celebrate everthin an also /ar+ o.. evil sirits2 Dll the tribe be settin aroun the .ire chantin =boolaboola= an+ beatin on the0 +rums2 3he0 has also +rug out that big caul+ron an got it on the .ire steamin an boilin6 but Big Sam sa0 it is onl0 a =s0mbolic gesture2= @e is settin there la0in chess6 an let me tell 0ou thisI am so e5cite+ I am bout to bust ust let us get near a to/n or cit06 an /e is long gone2 Cle Sue kno/s the +eal too6 cause he7s settin over there /ith a big grin on his .ace6 ticklin hisse. un+er the arms2 @e has la0e+ one or t/o games o. chess an is bout to .inish another6 /hen I su++enl0 look +o/n6 an +amne+ i. Big Sam ain7t got me in check2
I /ent on back behin the hovel an took a ee6 but then instea+ o. goin back to the chess game6 I /ent in an got ole Sue an slaine+ to him /hat the +eal /as2 3hen I snuck u on ,rurck7s hut an /hisere+ .or *a;or ritch2 She come out6 an I tole her too6 an sa0 /e7+ better get our butts outta here a.ore /e is all arboile+ or somethin2 @ell6 /e all +eci+e+ to make a break .or it2 ,rurck6 he sa0 he7s comin /ith us on
account o. he7s in love /ith *a;or ritchor ho/ever he e5resse+ it2 Dn0/a06 the .our o. us starte+ creein out o. the village an /e got +o/n to the e+ge o. the river an /as ;ust bout to get in one o. the native canoes6 /hen all o. a su++en I look u an stan+in there over me is Big Sam /ith about a thousan o. his natives6 lookin mean an +isaointe+2 =ome no/6 ol+ sort6= he sa06 =+i+ 0ou reall0 think 0ou coul+ outsmart this ol+ +evil>= Dn I tell him6 =Ch6 /e /as ;us goin .or a canoe ri+e in the moonlite0ou kno/ /hat I mean>= =Aeah6= he sa06 he kno/e+ /hat I meant6 an then his men grae+ us u an haul us back to the village un+er arme+ guar+2 3he cookin caul+ron is bubblin an steamin to beat the ban+ an the0 has got us tie+ to stakes in the groun an the outlook is somethin less than ros02 =@ell6 ol+ sort6= Big Sam sa06 =this is a un.ortunate turn o. events in+ee+2 But look at it this /a06 0ou /ill at least be able to console 0oursel. b0 the kno/le+ge that 0ou have .e+ a hungr0 mouth or t/o2 Dn+ also6 I must tell 0ou this0ou are /ithout a +oubt the best chess la0er I have ever encountere+6 an+ I /as the chess chamion o. Aale .or three o. the .our 0ears I /as there2 =Ds .or 0ou6 ma+am6= Big Sam sa0 to *a;or ritch6 =I am sorr0 to have to bring 0our little a..aire +7amour /ith ol+ ,rurck here to an en+6 but 0ou kno/ ho/ it is2= =No I +on7t kno/ ho/ it is6 0ou +esicable savage6= *a;or ritch sa02 =@here +o 0ou get o..6 an0/a0> Aou oughta be ashame+ o. 0ourse.= =Perhas /e can serve 0ou an ,rurck on the same latter6= Big Sam chuckle+6 =a little light an +ark meatm0sel.6 I7ll take a thigh6 or ossibl0 a breastno/ that /oul+ be a nice touch2= =Aou vile6 unseakable ass= sa0 *a;or ritch2 =@hatever6= Big Sam sa0s2 =Dn+ no/6 let the .east begin= 3he0 begun unt0in us an a bunch o. them ;iggaboos haule+ us to/ar+s the cookin ot2 3he0 li.te+ u o ole Sue .irst6 cause Big Sam sa0 he /ill make goo+ =stock6= an the0 /as hol+in him above the caul+ron about to tho/ him in6 /hen lo an behole6 a arro/ come out o. nolace an strike one o. the .ellers hoistin u Sue2 3he .eller .all +o/n an Sue +ro on to o. him2 3hen more arro/s come rainin +o/n on us .rom the e+ge o. the ;ungle6 an everbo+0 is in a anic2 =It is the 0gmies= shout Big Sam2 =,et to 0our arms= an everbo+0 run to get the0
sears an knives2 Since /e ain7t got no sears or knives6 *a;or ritch6 me an Sue an ,rurck start runnin +o/n to/ar+s the river again6 but /e ain7t no more than ten .eet +o/n the ath /hen all o. a su++en /e is snatche+ u .eet .irst b0 some kin+ o. snares set in the trees2 @e is hangin there6 usi+e +o/n like bats6 an all the bloo+ rushin to our hea+s6 /hen this little gu0 come out o. the brush an he be laughin an gigglin at us all trusse+ u2 Dll sorts o. savage soun+s are comin .rom the village6 but a.ter a /ile6 everthing uiet +o/n2 3hen a bunch o. other 0gmies come an cut us +o/n an tie our hans an .eet an lea+ us back to the village2 It is a sight 3he0 has cature+ Big Sam an all his natives an has them tie+ u han an .oot too2 Look like the0 is bout to tho/ them into the boilin ot2 =@ell6 ol+ sort6= Big Sam sa06 =seems like 0ou /ere save+ in the nick o. time6 +oesn7t it>= I no+ m0 hea+6 but I ain7t sure i. /e isn7t ;us out o. the .r0in an an into the .ire2 =3ell 0ou /hat6= sa0s Big Sam6 =looks like it7s all over .or me an m0 .ellers6 but ma0be 0ou have a chance2 I. 0ou can get to that harmonica o. 0ours an la0 a little tune or t/o6 it might save 0our li.e2 3he king o. the 0gmies is craF0 .or Dmerican music2= =3hanks6= I sa02 =on7t mention it6 ol+ sort6= Big Sam sa02 3he0 li.te+ him u high an /as hol+in him over the boilin caul+ron6 an su++enl0 he call out to me6 =night to bisho threethen rook ten to king seventhat7s ho/ I beat 0ou= 3he0 /as a big slash6 an+ then all Big Sam7s trusse+u natives begun chantin =boola boola= again2 3hings are lookin +o/n .or us all2
1"
D.ter the0 +one .inishe+ cookin big Sam7s tribe6 an shrinkin the0 hea+s6 the 0gmies slung us bet/een long oles an carrie+ us o.. like igs into the ;ungle2 =@hat +o 0ou sose the0 inten+ to +o /ith us>= *a;or ritch call out to me2
=I +on7t kno/6 an I +on7t give a shit6= I call back6 an that /ere about the truth2 I7m tire+ o. all this craola2 D man can take ;us so much2 Dn0ho/6 a.ter about a +a0 or so /e come to the village o. the 0gmies6 an as 0ou might e5ec6 the0 has got a bunch o. little tin0 huts in a clearin in the ;ungle2 3he0 truck us u to a hut in the center o. the clearin /here there is a bunch o. 0gmies stan+in arounan one little ole .eller /ith a long /hite bear+ an no teeth settin u in a high chair like a bab02 I .igger him to be the king o. the 0gmies2 3he0 tume+ us out onto the groun an untie+ us6 an /e stoo+ u an +uste+ oursel.s o.. an the king o. the 0gmies commence ;abberin some gibberish an then he get +o/n .rom his chair an go straight u to Sue an kick him in the balls2 == I a5e+ ,rurck6 /ho ha+ learnt to seak some English /ile he /as livin /ith *a;or ritch2 == *a;or ritch /ant to kno/2 =
,rurck to sa0 *a;or ritch la0s the knives an that ,rurck +on7t la0 nothinhe is the manager2 ing o. the 0gmies look sort o. uFFle+ an sa0 he ain7t never hear+ o. an0bo+0 la0in knives or sears be.ore6 but he tell his men to give Sue some sears an *a;or ritch some knives an let7s see /hat sort o. music /e come u /ith2 Soon as /e get the sears an knives6 I sa06 =Cka0no/= an ole Sue conk the king o. the 0gmies over the hea+ /ith his sear an *a;or ritch threatene+ a coule o. 0gmies /ith her knives an /e run o.. into the ;ungle /ith the 0gmies in hot ursuit2
3he 0gmies be tho/in all sorts o. rocks an shit at us .rom behin6 an shootin the0 bo/s an arro/s an +arts .rom blo/guns an such2 Su++enl0 /e come out on the bank o. a river an ain7t no lace to go6 an the 0gmies are catchin u .ast2 @e is bout to ;um into the river an s/im .or it6 /hen su++enl0 .rom the oosite si+e o. the river a ri.le shot ring out2 3he 0gmies are right on to o. us6 but another ri.le shot ring out an the0 turn tail an run back into the ;ungle2 @e be lookin across the river an lo an behole on the other bank the0 is a coule o. .ellers /earin bush ;ackets an them /hite ith helmets like 0ou use+ to see in -amar o. the ungle 2 3he0 ste into a canoe an be a++lin to/ar+s us6 an as the0 get closer6 I seen one o. them is got NDSD stame+ on his ith helmet2 @e is .inall0 rescue+2 @hen the canoe reach our shore6 the gu0 /ith NDSD stame+ on his helmet get out an come u to us2 = =@here the .uck has 0ou assholes been>= hollare+ *a;or ritch2 =@e been stran+e+ in the ;ungle nearl0 .our go++amn 0ears= =Sorr0 bout that6 ma7am6= the .eller sa06 =but /e has got our riorities6 too6 0ou kno/2= Dn0/a06 /e is at last save+ .rom a .ate /orse than +eath6 an the0 loa+e+ us u in the canoe an starte+ a++lin us +o/nriver2 Cne o. the .ellers sa06 =@ell .olks6 civiliFation is ;ust aroun the corner2 I reckon 0ou7ll all be able to sell 0our stories to a magaFine an make a .ortune2= =Sto the canoe= *a;or ritch su++enl0 call out2 3he .ellers look at one another6 but the0 a++le the canoe over to the bank2
=I have ma+e a +ecision6= *a;or ritch sa02 =or the .irst time in m0 li.e6 I have .oun+ a man that trul0 un+erstan+s me6 an I am not going to let him go2 or nearl0 .our 0ears6 ,rurck an I have live+ hail0 in this lan+6 an I have +eci+e+ to sta0 here /ith him2 @e /ill go o.. in the ;ungle an make a ne/ li.e .or oursel.s6 an raise a .amil0 an live hail0 ever a.ter2= =But this man is a cannibal6= one o. the .ellers sa02 =Eat 0our heart out6 buster6= sa0s *a;or ritch6 an she an ,rurck get out o. the canoe an start back into the ;ungle again6 han in han2 us be.ore the0 +isaeare+6 *a;or ritch turn aroun an give Sue an me a little /ave6 an then o.. the0 go2 I looke+ back to the en+ o. the canoe6 an ole Sue is settin there t/istin his .ingers2 =@ait a minute6= I sa0s to the .ellers2 I go back an set +o/n on the seat ne5 to Sue an sa06 =@hat 0ou thinkin bout>= Sue ain7t sa0in nothin6 but the0 is a little bitt0 tear in his e0e6 an I kno/e+ then /hat /as bout to haen2 Aou gonna .ollo/ 0our .rien+s there into BonFolan+>= I looke+ a.ter them .or a minute6 then I sai+6 =?h6 uh6= an set back +o/n in the canoe2 @ile the0 /as a++lin us a/a06 +on7t 0ou believe I +i+n7t think bout it .or a moment2 But I ;us coul+n7t +o it2 I reckon I got other /eenies to roast2
3he0 .lo/n me back to Dmerica an tole me on the /a0 ho/ there /as to be a big /elcome home recetion .or me6 but seems like I have hear+ that be.ore2 Sure enough tho6 soon as /e lan+e+ in @ashington bout a million eole /as on han6 cheerin an clain an actin like the0 is gla+ to see me2 3he0 +rove me into to/n in the back seat o. a big ole black car an sai+ the0 /as takin me to the @hite
=3ell me no/6= this Presi+ent sa06 =+i+ 0ou have an e5citing tri>= D .eller in a suit stan+in ne5t to the Presi+ent lean over an /hiser somethin to him6 an su++enl0 the Presi+ent sa06 =Ch6 ah6 accuall0 /hat I meant /as6 ho/ great it is that 0ou have escae+ .rom 0our or+eal in the ;ungle2= 3he .eller in the suit /hiser somethin else to the Presi+ent6 an he sa0 to me6 =Er6 no/ /hat about 0our comanion>= =Sue>= I sa02 =@as that her name>= No/ he be lookin at a little car+ in his han2 =Sa0s here it /as a *a;or anet ritch6 an+ that even as 0ou /ere being rescue+ she /as +ragge+ o.. into the ;ungle b0 a cannibal2= =@here it sa0 that>= I a5e+2 =-ight here6= the Presi+ent sa02 =3hat7s not so6= I sa0s2 =Dre 0ou suggesting I am a liar>= sa0 the Presi+ent2 =I7m ;us sa0in it ain7t so6= I sa0s2 =No/ look here6= sa0 the Presi+ent6 =I am 0our comman+er in chie.2 I am not a crook2 I +o not lie= =I am ver0 sorr06= I sa0s6 =but it ain7t the truth bout *a;or ritch2 Aou ;us take that o.. a car+6 but= =3ae= the Presi+ent shout2 == I sa0s2 =No6 no6= sa0s the .eller in the suit2 =
=But *ister Presi+ent6= sa0 the .eller in the suit6 =he +i+n7t sa0 it2 = I sa0s6 =Au6= an the Presi+ent sa06 =@ell /hat +i+ 0ou /ant to +o a thing like that .or>= Dn I sa0s6 =ause he /as +ro/nin6= an the Presi+ent sa06 =Aou shoul+ have hel+ him un+er6 instea+ o. saving him2 Dn0/a06 it7s histor0 no/6 because the son o. a bitch +ie+ /hile 0ou /ere a/a0 in the ;ungle2= =Aou got a tv set>= I a5e+2 3he Presi+ent look at me kin+ o. .unn02 =Aeah6 I have one6 but I +on7t /atch it much these +a0s2 3oo much ba+ ne/s2= =Aou ever /atch 73he Beverl0 = I sa02 =It7s not on 0et6= he sa02 =@hat is>= I a5e+2 = 73o 3ell the 3ruth7but 0ou +on7t /ant to look at thatit7s a bunch o. shit2= 3hen he sa06 =Look here6 I have a meeting to go to6 /h0 +on7t I /alk 0ou to the +oor>= @hen /e get outsi+e on the orch6 an the Presi+ent sa0 in a ver0 lo/ voice6 =Listen6 0ou /ant to bu0 a /atch>= I sa06 == an he ste over close to me an shove u the sleeve on his suit an lo an
behole he must o. ha+ t/ent0 or thirt0 /rist/atches aroun his arm2 =I ain7t got no mone06= I sa0s2 3he Presi+ent6 he roll +o/n his sleeve an at me on the back2 =@ell6 0ou come back /hen 0ou +o an+ /e7ll /ork something out6 oka0>=
Dn0ho/6 I7m /on+erin /hat the0 gonna +o /ith me no/6 but I +on7t have to /on+er long2 It took bout a +a0 or so .or things to uiet +o/n6 an the0 ha+ ut me u in a hotel6 but then a coule o. .ellers come in one a.ternoon an sa06 =Listen here6 ,um6 the .ree ri+e7s over2 3he government ain7t a0in .or none o. this an0more0ou7re on 0our o/n no/2= =@ell6 oka06= I sa06 =but ho/ bout givin me a little travelin mone0 to get home on2 I7m kin+a light right no/2= =orget it6 ,um6= the0 sa02 =Aou is luck0 not to be in ;ail .or conkin the lerk o. the Senate on the hea+ /ith that me+al2 @e +one 0ou a .avor to get 0ou o.. that rabut /e is /ashin our hans o. 0our ass as o. right no/2= So I ha+ to leave the hotel2 Since I ain7t got no things to ack6 it /a+n7t har+6 an I ;ust /ent out on the street2 I /alke+ a /ile6 +o/n ast the @hite
1#
Even tho the0 sai+ the0 /oul+n7t give me no mone06 one o. the .ellers +i+ loan me a +ollar be.ore I le. the hotel2 irst chance I got6 I hone+ home to the o house /here m0 mama /as sta0in to let her kno/ I7m oka02 But one o. them nuns sa0s6 =@e ain7t got no *rs2 ,um here no longer2=
@hen I a5e+ /here she /as6 the nun sa06 =unnoshe +one run o.. /ith some rotestant2= I thanke+ her an hange+ u the hone2 In a /a06 I7m sort o. relieve+2 Dt least mama +one run o.. /ith somebo+0 6 an ain7t in the o house no more2 I .igger I got to .in+ her6 but to tell the truth6 I ain7t in no big hurr06 cause sure as it7s gonna rain6 she7ll be ba/lin an hollerin an .ussin at me on account o. I le. home2 It +i+ rain2 -aine+ cats an +ogs an I .oun me a a/nin to stan+ un+er till some gu0 come out an run me o..2 I /as soakin /et an col+ an /alkin ast some government buil+in in @ashington /hen I seen a big ole lastic garbage bag settin in the mi++le o. the si+e/alk2 ust as I get close to it6 the bag commence+ to move a little bit6 like there is somethin in there I stoe+ an /ent u to the bag an nu+ge+ it a little /ith m0 toe2 Su++enl0 the bag ;um bout .our .eet back an a voice come out .rom un+er it6 sa06 =,it the .uck a/a0 .rom me= =@ho is that in there>= I a5e+6 an the voice sa0 back6 =3his is m0 grate0ou go .in+ 0our o/n2= =@hat 0ou talkin bout>= I sa02 =*0 grate6= the voice sa02 =,it o.. m0 grate= =@hat grate>= I a5e+2 Dll o. a su++en the bag li.t u a little an a .eller7s hea+ eek out6 suintin u at me like I7m some kin+a i+iot2 =Aou ne/ in to/n or somethin>= the .eller sa0s2 =Sort o.6= I ans/ere+2 =I7m ;us tr0in to get outta the rain2= 3he .eller un+er the bag is rett0 sorr0lookin6 hal. bal+hea+e+6 ain7t shave+ in months6 e0es all re+ an bloo+shot an most o. his teeth gone2 =@ell6= he sa06 =in that case I reckon it oka0 .or a little /ilehere2= = I a5e+2 =Cen it u an git un+er it6 0ou +amn .ool0ou sai+ 0ou /ante+ to git outta the rain2= Dn then he ull his bag back +o/n over hisse.2 @ell6 I +i+ /hat he sai+6 an to tell 0ou the truth6 it /a+n7t so ba+6 reall02 3he0 /as some
hot air comin u outta the grate an it make the bag all /arm an coF0 insi+e an ke o.. the rain2 @e be suattin si+eb0si+e on the grate /ith the bags over us an a.ter a /ile the .eller sa0s over to me6 =@hat7s 0our name an0/a0>= =orrest6= I sa0s2 =Aeah> I kne/ a gu0 name+ orrest once2 Longtime ago2= =@hat7s 0our name>= I a5e+2 =an6= he sa02 =an> an> he06 /ait a minute6= I sa0s2 I tho/e+ o.. m0 garbage bag an /ent an li.te+ u the bag o.. the .eller an it /as him Din7t got no legs6 an he is settin on a little /oo+ cart /ith rollerskate /heels on the bottom2 *ust o. age+ t/ent0 0ears6 an I coul+ har+l0 recogniFe him2 But it /as him2 It /as ole Lieutenant an
D.ter he ha+ got out o. the Drm0 hosital6 an /ent back to onnecticut to tr0 to get back his ole ;ob teachin histor02 But the0 /a+n7t no histor0 ;ob available6 so the0 ma+e him teach math2
m0 me+al a/a0 an got ut in ;ail2 =Aeah6 I remember that one all right2 I think I /as still here in the hosital2 I thought bout going +o/n there m0se.6 but I guess I /oul+n7t have have tho/e+ m0 me+als me+als a/a02 a/a02 Look here6= he sa02 = I a5e him2 =@hat about the 7scheme o. things7 that /e has all got to .it oursel. into>= =uck all that6= he sa02 sa02 =It /as ;ust a bunch o. o . hilosohic bullshit2= =But ever since 0ou tole it to me6 that7s /hat I been goin b02 I been lettin the 7ti+e7 carr0 me an tr0in to +o m0 best2 o the right thing2= =@ell6 ma0be it /orks .or 0ou6 orrest2 I thought it /as /orking .or me toobut look at me2 ust look at me6= he sa02 =@hat goo+ am I> I7m a go++amn legless .reak2 .reak 2 D bum2 D +runkar+2 D thirt0.ive0earol+ vagrant2= =It coul+ be /orse6= I sa0s2 =Ch 0eah> = he sa06 an I reckon he got me there6 so I .inishe+ tellin him bout m0se.gettin tho/e+ in the loon0 bin an then bein shot u in the rocket an lan+in +o/n /ith the cannibals an bout ole Sue an *a;or ritch an the 0gmies2 =@ell =@ell m0 ,o+6 orrest m0 bo06 bo06 0ou sure as hell have ha+ some a+ventures6= a+ventures6 = an sa02 sa02 =So ho/ come 0ou are sittin here /ith me on the grates un+er a garbage bag>= =I +unno6= I sa0s6 =but I ain7t lannin to sta0 here long2= =@hat 0ou got in min+ then>= =Soon as this rain stos6= I sa06 sa06 =I7m gonna get o.. m0 big .at butt an go lookin .or enn0 urran2= =@here is she>= =unno that either6= I sa0s6 =but I7ll .in+ out2=
=Soun+s like 0ou might nee+ some hel6= he sa02 I look over at an an his e0es is gleamin .rom behin his bear+2 Somethin is tellin me he is the one nee+s some he6 but that7s oka0 /ith me2
Cle an an me6 /e /ent to a mission .lohouse that night on account o. it +i+n7t sto rainin6 an an6 he ai+ them .i.t0 cents aiece .or our suers an a uarter .or our be+s2 Aou coul+ o. got suer .ree .or settin an listenin to a sermon or somesuch6 but an sa0 he7+ slee out in the rain a.ore /astin our recious time hearin a Biblethumer give us his vie/ o. the /orl+2 Ne5t mornin an loane+ me a +ollar +ollar an I .oun a a0 hone hone an calle+ u to to Boston to ole *ose6 that use+ to be the +rummer .or 3he racke+ Eggs2 Sure enough6 he still there in his lace6 an is +amn surise+ to hear .rom me2 =orrestI +on7t believe it= *ose sa02 =@e ha+ given 0our ass u .or lost= 3he racke+ Eggs6 he sa0s6 have broken u2 Dll the mone0 that *ister eeblestein have romise+ them is eaten eaten u b0 e5enses or somethin6 an a.ter the secont recor+ the0 the0 +i+n7t get no more contracts2 *ose sa0 eole is listenin to a ne/ kin+ o. music no/ -ollin Stone+7s or the Iggles or somethinan most o. the .ellers in 3he racke+ Eggs is gone somelace an .oun real ;obs2 enn06 *ose sa06 is not been hear+ o. in a long /ile2 D.ter she ha+ gone +o/n to @ashington .or the eace +emonstration /here I /as arreste+6 she /ent back /ith 3he racke+ Eggs .or a .e/ months6 but *ose sa0 somethin in her ;us /a+n7t the same2 Cne time he sa06 she broke u cr0in on the stage an the0 ha+ to la0 a instrumental to get thru the set2 3hen she starte+ +rinkin vo+ka an sho/in u late .or er.ormances an the0 /as bout to seak to her bout it /hen she ;us ;us +one u an uit2 *ose sa0 he ersonall0 .eel her behavior has somethin to +o /ith me6 but she never /oul+ talk bout it2 She move+ out o. Boston a coule o. /eeks later6 sa0in she /as goin to hicago6 an that is the last he seen o. her in nearl0 .ive 0ears2 I a5e+ i. he kne/ an0 /a0 .or me to reach her6 an he sa0 ma0be he have a ole number she give him ;us be.ore she le.2 = *ose a5e+2
=Aeah6 sometimes6= I sa02
I /ent an borro/e+ another +ollar .rom an an calle+ the number in hicago2 =enn0 urranenn0>= a gu07s voice sa02 =Ch6 0eahI remember her2 Nice little iece o. ass2 Been a long time2= =Aou kno/ /here she7s at>= =In+ianaolis is /here she sa0 she /as goin /hen she le. here2 @ho kno/s> ,ot hersel. a ;ob at 3emerer2= =Dt /hat>= =3emererthe tire .actor02 Aou kno/6 the0 make tires.or cars2= I thank the gu0 an /ent back an tole an2 =@ell6= he sa06 =I never been to In+ianaolis2
@e starte+ tr0in to thumb a ri+e out o. @ashington6 but +i+n7t have no luck to seak o.2 D gu0 gave us a ri+e to the cit0 limits on the back o. a brick truck6 but a.ter that6 nobo+0 +i+n7t /ant to ick us u2 I guess /e /as too .unn0lookin or somethinan settin on his little roller +oll0 an m0 big ole ass stan+in ne5 to him2 Dn0ho/6 Dn0ho/6 an sa0 /h0 +on7t /e take a bus6 cause he7s got enough mone0 .or that2 3o 3o tell 0ou the truth6 I .elt ba+ about takin his mone06 mone06 but someho/ I .iggere+ that he /ante+ to go6 an+ it /oul+ be goo+ to get him outta @ashington too2 Dn so /e caught a bus to In+ianaolis an I ut an in the seat ne5 to me an sto/e+ his little cart in the shel. u above2 Dll the /a0 there he be sluggin +o/n -e+ agger /ine an sa0in /hat a shitt0 lace the /orl+ is to live in2 *a0be he7s right2 I +on7t kno/2 kno/2 I7m ;ust a i+iot an0ho/2 an0ho/2 3he bus le.t us o.. in the mi++le o. In+ianaolis an an an me is stan+in on the street tr0in to .igger out /hat to +o ne5 /hen a oliceman come u an sa06 =Din7t no loiterin on the street6= an so /e move+ on2 an a5e+ a .eller /here is the 3emerer 3ire oman0 an it is /a0 outsi+e o. to/n so /e starte+ hea+in in that +irection2 D.ter D.ter a /ile there ain7t no si+e/alks an an can7t ush his little cart along6 so I icke+ him u un+er one arm an+ the cart un+er the other an /e ke on goin2
Bout noon6 /e see+ a big sign sa0 =3emerer 3ires6= an .igger this be the lace2 an sa0 he /ill /ait outsi+e an I go on in an the0 is a /oman at the +esk an I a5e+ i. I coul+ see enn0 urran2 @oman look at a list an sa0 enn0 is /orkin in =retrea+s6= but ain7t nobo+0 allo/e+ to go there cet7n i. the0 /orks in the lant2 @ell6 I7m ;ust stan+in there6 tr0in to +eci+e /hat to +o6 an the /oman sa06 =Look6 hone06 the0 is bout to get a lunch break in a minute or so6 /h0 +on7t 0ou go roun to the si+e o. the buil+in2 Probl0 she7ll come out6= so that7s /hat I +i+2 3he0 /as a lot o. .olks come out an then6 all b0 herse.6 I seen enn0 /alk thru a +oor an go over to a little sot un+er a tree an ull a samb/ich out o. a aer bag2 I /ent over an sort o. creee+ behin her6 an she7s settin on the groun6 an I sa0s6 =3hat shore look like a tast0 samb/ich2= She +i+n7t even look u2 She ke starin right ahea+6 an sa06 =orrest6 it has to be 0ou2=
1'
@ell6 let me tell 0outhat /ere the haiest reunion o. m0 li.e2 enn0 is cr0in an huggin me an I7m +oin the same an everbo+0 else in retrea+s is stan+in there /on+erin /hat is goin on2 enn0 sa0 she is o.. /ork in bout three hours6 an .or me an an to go over to this little tavern across the street an have a beer or somethin an /ait .or her2 3hen she /ill take us to her lace2 @e go to the tavern an an is +rinkin some -ile /ine on account o. the0 got no -e+ agger6 but he sa0 -ile is better an0ho/ cause it got a nicer =bouuet2= Bunch o. other .ellers is in there too6 la0in +arts an +rinkin an arm rasslin each other at a table2 Cne big ole gu0 seem to be the bes arm rassler o. the tavern6 an ever once in a /ile some .eller /oul+ come u an tr0 to beat him but coul+n7t2 3he0 be bettin on it too6 .ive an ten +ollars a /hack2 D.ter a little bit6 an /hiser over to me6 =orrest6 0ou think 0ou coul+ beat that big boFo over there at arm rasslin>= Dn I sa0 I +unno6 an an sa06 =@ell6 here7s .ive bucks6 cause I7m bettin 0ou can2= So I go u an sa0 to the .eller6 =@oul+ 0ou mine i. I set +o/n an arm rassle /ith 0ou>=
on2 Cther .eller be gruntin an strainin like a +og tr0in to shit a each see+6 but in about ten secons I ha+ smushe+ his arm +o/n on the table an /hie+ him at arm rasslin2 Dll the other .ellers ha+ come gatherin aroun the table an /ere goin =oooh= an =ahh= an I coul+ hear ole an shoutin an cheerin2 @ell6 the other .eller ain7t none too ha0 but he ai+ me .ive +ollars an got u .rom the table2 =*0 elbo/ slie+6= he sa06 =but ne5 time 0ou come back here I /ant to have a go at 0ou again6 hear>= I no++e+ an /ent back to the table an /as at an give him the mone02 =orrest6= he sa06 =/e ma0 have .oun a eas0 /a0 to make oursel.s some brea+2= I a5e+ an i. I coul+ have a uarter to git me a ickle+ egg .rom the ;ar on the counter6 an he han me a +ollar an sa06 =Aou git an0thing 0ou /ant6 orrest2 @e is no/ got a /a0 to earn a livel0hoo+2=
D.ter /ork6 enn0 come over to the tavern an take us to her lace2 She is livin in a little aartment not too .ar .rom the 3emerer 3ire oman0 an has got it all .i5e+ u nice /ith things like stu..e+ animals an strings o. colore+ bea+s hangin .rom the be+room +oor2 @e /ent out to a grocer0 an bought some chicken an enn0 cooke+ suer .or an an me an I tole her all that ha+ haene+ since I seen her last2 *ostl06 she is curious about *a;or ritch6 but /hen I sa0 she run o.. /ith a cannibal6 enn0 seeme+ more rela5e+ bout it2 She sa0 li.e has not e5actl0 been a bo/l o. cherries .or her either +urin the ast .e/ 0ears2 D.ter she le. 3he racke+ Eggs6 enn0 +one gone to hicago /ith this girl she met in the eace movement2 3he0 ha+ +emonstrate+ in the streets an got tho/e+ in ;ail a bunch o. times an enn0 sa0 she is .inall0 gettin tire+ o. havin to aear in court an besi+es6 she is concerne+ that she is +eveloin a long olice recor+2 Dn0ho/6 she is livin in this house /ith about .i.teen eole an she sa0s the0 is not e5actl0 her t0e o. ersons2 i+n7t /ear no un+er/ear or nothin6 an nobo+0 .lushe+ the toilets2 She an this gu0 +eci+e+ to take an aartment together6 cause he +i+n7t like /here the0 /as livin neither6 but that +i+n7t /ork out2 =Aou kno/6 orrest6= she sa06 =I even trie+ to .all in love /ith him6 but I ;us coul+n7t because I /as thinkin o. 0ou2= She ha+ /rote to her mama an a5e+ her to get in touch /ith m0 mama to tr0 an .in+ out /here I /as bein ket6 but her mama /rite her back sa0in our house +one burnt u an
m0 mama is no/ livin in the o house6 but b0 the time the letter get to enn06 *ama +one alrea+0 run o.. /ith the rotestant2 Dn0ho/6 enn0 sai+ she +i+n7t have no mone0 an so she hear+ the0 is hirin eole at the tire coman0 an she come +o/n to In+ianaolis to get a ;ob2 Bout that time she seen on the television that I am bout to be launche+ into sace6 but the0 is no time .or her to get +o/n to an I sa06 =No6 I seen him +o it be.ore2
3he three o. us settle into enn07s little aartment a.ter that2 enn0 .i5e+ u an a lace in a corner o. the livin room /ith a little mattress an she ke a ;ar on the bathroom .loor so he /oul+n7t have to use his hat2 Ever mornin she7+ go o.. to the tire coman0 an an an me /oul+ set aroun the house an talk an then go +o/n to the little tavern near /here enn0 /orke+ to /ait till she got o..2 irst /eek /e starte+ +oin that6 the gu0 I beat arm rasslin /ante+ a chance to git back his .ive bucks an I gave it to him2
the /orl+2= =@hat o. it>= an sa0s6 an the .eller sa06 =I think I got a i+ea ho/ 0ou can make a hell o. a lot more mone0 than this nickel an +ime shit 0ou7re +oin here2= == an sa02 =-asslin6= sa0s *ike6 =but not this issant stu..I mean the real thing2 In a ring /ith hun+rits o. thousan+s o. a0in customers2= =-asslin /ho>= an a5e+2 =@hoever6= sa0s *ike2 =3he0 is a circuit o. ro.essional rasslers3he *aske+ *arvel6 3he Incre+ible = =I +unno6= I sa0s2 =I /as kin+a thinkin bout goin back home an startin a little srim bi+ness2= =Shrim= sa0s *ike2 =@h0 bo06 0ou can make .i.t0 times more mone0 +oing this than shrimin on7t have to +o it all 0our li.e;ust a .e/ 0ears6 then 0ou7ll have something to .all back on6 mone0 in the bank6 a nest egg2= =*a0be I ought to a5e enn06= I sa02 =Look6= *ike sa06 =I come here to o..er 0ou a chance o. a li.etime2 Aou +on7t /ant it6 ;us sa0 so6 an I7ll be on m0 /a02= =No6 no6= an sa02 3hen he turn to me2 =Listen6 orrest6 some o. /hat this .eller sa0 make sense2 I mean6 ho/ else 0ou gonna earn enough mone0 to start a srim bi+ness>= =3ell 0ou /hat6= *ike sa06 =0ou can even take 0our bu++0 here /ith 0ou2 = I thought bout it .or a minute or so2 Soun+e+ rett0 goo+6 but usuall0 the0 is some catch2 Nevertheless6 I oen m0 big mouth an sa0 the .atal /or+: =Aes2=
@ell6 that7s ho/ I become a ro.essional rassler2 *ike ha+ his o..ice in a g0mnasium in +o/nto/n In+ianaolis an ever +a0 me an an /oul+ catch the bus +o/n there so7s I coul+ get taught the roer /a0 to rassle2 In a nutshell6 it /as this: nobo+0 is sose+ to get hurt6 but it sose+ to look like the0 +o2 3he0 be teachin me all sorts o. thingshal.nelsons6 the airlane sin6 the Boston crab6 the ile +river6 hammerlocks an all such as that2 Dlso6 the0 taught an ho/ to 0ell an scream at the re.eree6 so as to cause the greatest commotion2 enn0 is not too keen on the rasslin bi+ness on account o. she sa0 I might git hurt6 an /hen I sa0 nobo+0 gits hurt cause it7s all uton6 she sa06 =3hen /hat7s the oint o. it>= It is a goo+ uestion that I cannot rightl0 ans/er6 but I am lookin .o/ar+ to makin us some mone0 an0ho/2 Cne +a0 the0 is tr0in to sho/ me somethin calle+ =the bell0 .lo6= /here I is sose+ to go .l0in thru the air to lan on to o. somebo+0 but at the last minute he rolls a/a02 But someho/6 I kee scre/in it u6 an t/o or three times I lan right on the .eller a.ore he gits a chance to move out the /a02 inall0 *ike come u into the ring an sa06 =esus6 orrest0ou some kin+ o. i+iot or somethin Aou coul+ hurt somebo+0 that /a06 a big ole moose like 0ou= Dn I sa0s6 =AeI am a i+iot6= an *ike sa06 =@hat 0ou mean>= an then an6 he sa0 .or *ike to come over to him .or a secont an he slain somethin to him6 an *ike sa06 =,oo+ ,o+ Is 0ou ki++in>= an an shake his hea+2 *ike look at me an shrug his shoul+ers an sa06 =@ell6 I guess it takes all kin+s2= Dn0/a06 bout a hour later *ike come runnin out o. his o..ice u to the ring /here an an me is2 =I7ve got it= he shoutin2 =,ot /hat>= an a5e+2 == an sa02 =3he unce= sa0s *ike2 =@e /ill +ress him u in +iaers an ut a big ole +unce ca on his hea+2 3he cro/+ /ill love it= an think .or a minute2 =I +unno6= he sa0s6 =I +on7t much like it2 Soun+s like 0ou are
tr0in to make a .ool out o. him2= =It7s onl0 .or the cro/+6= *ike sa02 == sa0 an2 =3hat /oul+ be aroriate2 = =I +on7t reall0 give a shit6= I sa0s2
@ell6 that /as the /a0 it /as2 D.ter all them months o. trainin I am .inall0 bout to make m0 +ebut as a rassler2 *ike come in to the g0m the +a0 be.ore the big match an he has a bo5 /ith m0 +iaer an a big ole black +unce ca2 = enn0 sa0s2 =It7s his costume6= sa0 an2 =It makes 0ou look like a .ool6= she sa02 =Look at it this /a06= an sa0s2 =It7s like he is in a la0 or somethin2= == =It7s onl0 to make mone06= an sa02 =3he0 got one gu0 calle+ 73he Hegetable7 that /ears turni greens .or a ;ockstra an uts a hollo/e+out /atermelon over his hea+ /ith little e0es cut out .or him to see thru2 Dnother gu0 calls himsel. 73he air067 an has /ings on his back an carries a /an+2 Sumbitch robl0 /eighs three hun+re+ oun+s0ou oughta see him2= =I +on7t care /hat the rest o. them +o6= enn0 sa0s6 =I +on7t like this one bit2 orrest6 0ou
go an get out o. that out.it2= I gone on back to the bathroom an took o.. the costume2 *a0be enn0 is right6 I7m thinkinbut a .eller7s got to make a livin2 Dn0ho/6 it ain7t near as ba+ as the gu0 I got to rassle tomorro/ night in *uncie2
19
3he +eal in *uncie is this: I am to get /hue+ b0 the 3ur+2 *ike tell me that on our ri+e u there2 It seem that 3he 3ur+ has got =seniorit0= over me an there.ore he is +ue .or a /in6 an bein that it7s m0 .irst aearance6 it is necessar0 .or me to be on the losin en+2 *ike sa0 he ;us /ant to tell me ho/ it is .rom the beginnin so there /on7t be no har+ .eelins2 =3hat is re+iculous6= enn0 sa06 =somebo+0 callin the0sel. 73he 3ur+27 = =
the hell outta 3he Dnimal2 3he cro/+ be booin 3he Hegetable an tho/in aer cus an stu.. at him an 3he Hegetable be givin them back the .inger2 I /as gettin kin+a curious ho/ it /as gonna /in+ u6 but then *ike come u to me an an an sa0 .or us to go on back into the +ressin room an get into m0 costume cause I7m on ne5 against 3he 3ur+2
D.ter I get into m0 +iaers an the +unce ca6 somebo+0 knock on the +oor an a5e6 =Is 3he unce in there>= an an sa06 =Aes6= an the .eller sa06 =Aou is on no/6 c7mon out6= an o.. /e go2 3he 3ur+ is alrea+0 in the ring /hen I come +o/n the aisle /ith an ushin hisse. along behin me2 3he 3ur+ is runnin aroun the ring makin .aces at the cro/+ an +amn i. he +on7t actuall0 look somethin like a tur+ in that bo+0 stockin2 Dn0ho/6 I climbe+ u in the ring an the re.eree get us together an sa06 =Cka06 bo0s6 I /ant a goo+ clean match hereno gougin e0es or hittin belo/ the belt or bitin or scratchin or an0 kin+ o. shit like that2 I no+ an sa06 =?hhuh6= an 3he 3ur+ be glarin at me .iercel02 @hen the bell rung6 me an 3he 3ur+ be circlin each other an he reache+ out /ith his .oot to tri me but misse+ an I grae+ him b0 the shoul+ers an slung him into the roes2 It /as then I .oun out he have grease+ hisse. u /ith some kin+a slier0 shit that make him har+ to hol+ on to2 I trie+ to gra him aroun his /aist but he shot out .rom m0 hans like a eel2 I took a holt o. his arm6 but he suishe+ a/a0 .rom that too6 an be grinnin an laughin at me2 3hen he come runnin at me hea+ on to butt me in the stomach but I stee+ asi+e an 3he 3ur+ go .l0in thru the roes an lan+ in the .ront ro/2 Everbo+0 be booin an catcallin him6 but he climbe+ on back u in the ring an brung /ith him a .ol+u chair2 = an an be tr0in to get thru the ring roes but *ike6 he stan+ u an ull an back b0 his shirt collar2 3hen all o. a su++en the bell rung6 an I get to go to m0 corner2 =Listen6= I sa0s6 =this basti+ is tr0in to kill me6 beatin me on the hea+ /ith a chair an all2
I is gonna have to +o somethin bout it2= =@hat 0ou is gonna +o is lose 6= *ike sa02 =
She coul+ o. sai+ it bout both o. us2 I ain7t never .elt so humiliate+ in m0 li.e2
3he ri+e back to In+ianaolis /as rett0 a/k/ar+2 an an enn0 ain7t sa0in nothin much an I am in the back seat all sore an skint u2 =3hat /as a +amn goo+ er.ormance 0ou ut on out there tonight6 orrest6= *ike sa0s6 =eseciall0 the cr0in at the en+cro/+ love+ it= =It /a+n7t no er.ormance6= an sa0s2 =Ch6 shucks6= *ike sa02 =Looksomebo+07s al/a0s got to lose2 I7ll tell 0ou /hatne5 time6 I /ill make sure orrest /ins2 = =Cught not to be an0 7ne5 time67 = enn0 sa0s2 == *ike sa02 =ive hun+rit +ollars .or gettin the shit beat out o. him ain7t so goo+6= enn0 sa0s2 =@ell it /as his .irst match2 3ell 0ou /hatne5 time6 I7ll make it si5 hun+rit2= == an a5e+2 =Nine hun+rit6= *ike sa0s2 == sa0s enn02 =3he0 love+ it6= *ike sa0s2 =It7s art o. his aeal2= == an sa0s2 =I ain7t a i+iot6= sa0s *ike2 =Aou shut the .uck u bout that6= an sa02
@ell6 *ike /as goo+ .or his /or+2 Ne5 time I rassle+6 it /as against a .eller calle+ =3he
/il+l0 an ke hollerin6 =@e /ant 3he unce @e /ant 3he unce= It /a+n7t such a ba+ +eal2 Ne56 I got to rassle 3he air06 an the0 even let me bust his /an+ over his hea+2 D.ter that6 the0 /as a hole bunch o. gu0s I come u against6 an an an me ha+ manage+ to save u about .ive thousan +ollars .or the srim bi+ness2 But also let me sa0 this: I /as gettin ver0 oular /ith the cro/+s2 @omen /as /ritin me letters an the0 even begun to sell +unce cas like mine as souvenirs2 Sometimes I7+ go into the ring an the0 /oul+ be .i.t0 or a hun+rit eole settin there in the au+ience /earin +unce cas6 all clain an cheerin an callin out m0 name2 in+a ma+e me .eel goo+6 0ou kno/> *eantime6 me an enn0 is gettin along .airl0 goo+ cet .or m0 rasslin career2 Ever night /hen she get back to the aartment /e cook oursel.s some suer an her an me an an set aroun in the livin room an lan bout ho/ /e gonna start the srim bi+ness2 3he /a0 /e .igger it6 /e is gonna go +o/n to Ba0ou La Batre6 /here o ole Bubba come .rom6 an get us some marsh lan+ o.. the ,ul. o. *e5ico somelace2 @e has got to bu0 us some mesh /ire an nets an a little ro/boat an somethin to .ee+ the srim /ile the0 gro/in6 an the0 /ill be other things too2 an sa0 /e has also got to be able to have us a lace to live an bu0 groceries an stu.. /ile /e /ait .or our .irst ro.its an also have some /a0 to git them to the market2 Dll tole6 he .iggers it is gonna take bout .ive thousan +ollars to set everthing u .or the .irst 0eara.ter that6 /e /ill be on our o/n2 3he roblem I got no/ is /ith enn02 She sa0 /e alrea+0 got the .ive thousan an so /h0 +on7t /e ;us go ahea+ an ack u an go +o/n there> @ell6 she have a oint there6 but to be er.ectl0 truth.ul6 I ;us ain7t uite rea+0 to leave2 Aou see6 it ain7t reall0 been since /e la0e+ them Nebraska corn shucker ;acko..s at the Crange Bo/l that I has reall0 .elt like I +one accomlishe+ somethin2 *a0be .or a little bit +urin the ingong games in -e+ hina6 but that laste+ ;ust .or a .e/ /eeks2 But no/6 0ou see6 ever Satur+a0 night ever /eek6 I am goin out there an hearin them cheer2 Dn the0 is cheerin me i+iot or not2 Aou shoul+ o. hear+ them cheer /hen I /hue+ 3he ,rosse Pointe ,rin+er6 /ho come into the ring /ith hun+rit +ollar bills glue+ to his bo+02 Dn then the0 /as =D/esome Dl .rom Dmarillo6= that I +one ut a Boston rab hol+ on an /on m0se. the Eastern ivision chameenshi belt2 D.ter that6 I got to rassle uno the ,iant6 /ho /eighe+ .our hun+rit oun+s an +resse+ in a leoar+ skin an carrie+ a aiermache club2 But one +a0 /hen enn0 come home .rom /ork she sa06 =orrest6 0ou an me has got to have a talk2= @e /ent outsi+e an took a /alk near a little creek an enn0 .oun a lace to set +o/n6 an
then she sa06 =orrest6 I think this rasslin business is gone .ar enough2= =@hat 0ou mean>= I a5e+6 even though I kin+ o. kne/2 =I mean /e have got nearl0 ten thousan +ollars no/6 /hich is more than t/ice /hat an sa0s /e nee+ to start the srim business2 Dn+ I am beginnin to /on+er ;us /h0 0ou are continuin to go u there ever Satur+a0 night an make a .ool o. 0ourse.2= =I ain7t makin no .ool o. m0se.6= I sa0s6 =I has got m0 .ans to think o.2 I am a ver0 oular erson2 ain7t ;us u an leave like that2= =Bullshit6= enn0 sa02 =@hat 0ou callin a 7.an67 an /hat 0ou mean b0 7oular7> 3hem eole is a bunch o. scre/balls to be a0in mone0 to /atch all that shit2 Bunch o. gro/n men gettin u there in the0 ;ockstras an reten+in to hurt each other2 Dn /hoever hear+ o. eole callin the0sel.s 73he Hegetable67 or 73he 3ur+67 an such as thatan 0ou 6 callin 0ourse. 73he unce7= =@hat7s /rong /ith that>= I a5e+2 =@ell ho/ +o 0ou think it makes me .eel6 the .eller I7m in love /ith bein kno/n .ar an /i+e as 73he unce67 an makin a sectacle o. hisse. ever /eekan on television6 too= =@e get e5tra mone0 .or the television6= I sa0s2 =Scre/ the e5tra mone06= enn0 sa0s2 =@e +on7t nee+ no e5tra mone0= =@hoever hear+ o. nobo+0 +i+n7t nee+ an0 e5tra mone0>= I sa02 =@e +on7t nee+ it that ba+6= enn0 sa02 =I mean6 /hat I /ant is to .in+ a little uiet lace .or us to be in an .or 0ou to get a resectable ;ob6 like the srim business.or us to get us a little house ma0be an have a gar+en an ma0be a +og or somethinma0be even ki+s2 I +one ha+ m0 share o. .ame /ith 3he racke+ Eggs6 an it +i+n7t get me no/here2 I /a+n7t ha02 I7m +amne+ near thirt0.ive 0ears ol+2 I /ant to settle +o/n2222= =Look6= I sa0s6 =it seem to me that I oughta be the one /hat sa0 i. I uit or not2 I ain7t gonna +o this .orever;us till it is the right time2= =@ell I ain7t gonna /ait aroun .orever6 neither6= enn0 sa06 but I +i+n7t believe she meant it2
%!
I ha+ a coule o. matches a.ter that an /on both o. them6 naturall06 an then *ike call an an me in his o..ice one +a0 an sa0s6 =Look here6 this /eek 0ou are gonna rassle 3he Pro.essor2= =@ho is that>= an a5e+2 == I sa0s2 =Lose6= sa0 *ike2 =Look6 0ou been /innin ever /eek .or months an months2 on7t 0ou see 0ou got to lose ever once in a /ile to kee u 0our oularit0>= == =Simle2 Peole like a un+er+og2 *akes 0ou look better the ne5 time2= =I +on7t like it6= I sa02 == an a5e+2 =3/o thousan2= =I +on7t like it6= I sa0s again2 =3/o thousan7s a lot o. mone06= an sa02 =I still +on7t like it6= I sa0s2
But I took the +eal2 enn0 is been actin sort o. eculiar latel06 but I ut it +o/n to nerves or somethin2 3hen one +a0 she come home an sa06 =orrest6 I7m at the en+ o. m0 roe2 Please +on7t go out there an +o this2=
=I got to6= I sa0s2 =Dn0ho/6 I is gonna lose2= =Lose>= she sa02 I slain it to her ;us like *ike slain it to me6 an she sa06 =D/e shit6 orrest6 this is too much2= =It7s m0 li.e6= I sa0s/hatever that meant2 Dn0/a06 a +a0 or so later6 an come back .rom somelace an sa0s him an me got to have a talk2 =orrest6 I think I got the solution to our roblems2= I a5e+ /hat it /as2 =I think6= sa0s an6 =/e better be bailin out o. this business rett0 soon2 I kno/ enn0 +on7t like it6 an i. /e are gonna start our srim thing6 /e best be on bout it2 But6= he sa06 =I think I got a /a0 to bail out an clean u at the same time2= == I a5e+2 =I been talkin to a .eller +o/nto/n2 = I sa0s2 =So /hat i. 0ou /in>= =@in>= =ick his ass2= =I get in trouble /ith *ike6= I sa0s2 =Scre/ *ike6= an sa02 =Look6 here7s the +eal2 Sose /e take the ten thousan /e got an bet it on 0ou to /in> 3/otoone o++s2 3hen 0ou kick his ass an /e got t/ent0 gran+2= =But I7ll be in all sorts o. trouble6= I sa0s2 =@e take the t/ent0 gran+ an blo/ this to/n6= an sa02 =Aou kno/ /hat /e can +o /ith t/ent0 gran+> @e can start one hell o. a srim business an have a ile le.t over .or ourselves2 I7m thinkin ma0be it7s time to get out o. this rasslin stu.. an0/a02= @ell6 I7m thinkin an is the manager6 an also that enn0 has sai+ I gotta get out o. rasslin
too6 an t/ent0 gran+ ain7t a ba+ +eal2 =@hat 0ou think>= an sa0s2 =Cka06= I sa02 =Cka02=
3he +a0 come .or me to rassle 3he Pro.essor2 3he bout is to be helt u at ort @a0ne6 an *ike come b0 to ick us u an is blo/in the horn outsi+e6 an I a5e+ enn0 i. she is rea+02 =I ain7t goin6= she sa02 =I7ll /atch it on television2= =But 0ou got to go6= I sa0s6 an then I a5e+ an to slain /h02 an tole enn0 /hat the lan /as6 an that she ha+ to go6 on account o. /e nee+e+ somebo+0 to +rive us back to In+ianaolis a.ter I +one /hue+ 3he Pro.essor2 =Neither o. us can +rive6= he sa06 =an /e gonna have to have a .ast car right outsi+e the arena /hen it7s over to get us back here to collect the t/ent0 gran+ .rom the bookie an then hightail it out o. to/n2= =@ell6 I ain7t havin nothin to +o /ith a +eal like that6= enn0 sa02 =But it7s t/ent0 gran+6= I sa0s2 =Aeah6 an it7s +ishonest too6= she sa0s2 =@ell6 it7s +ishonest /hat he7s been +oin all the time6= an sa0s6 =/innin an losin all lanne+ out be.orehan+2= =I ain7t gonna +o it6= enn0 sai+6 an *ike /as blo/in his horn again6 an an sa06 =@ell6 /e gotta go2 @e7ll see 0ou back here sometime a.ter it7s overone /a0 or the other2= =Aou .ellers oughta be ashame+ o. 0oursel.s6= enn0 sa02 =Aou /on7t be so high.alutin /hen /e come back /ith t/ent0 thousan smackeroos in our ocket6= an sa0s2 Dn0ho/6 o.. /e go2
Cn the ri+e to ort @a0ne6 I ain7t sa0in much on account o. I7m kin+a embarrasse+ bout /hat I7m .i5in to +o to ole *ike2
an is there6 hollerin .or me to .inish him o..6 but it ain7t no eas0 thing /ith ants in 0our ants2 Dn0ho/6 the bell rung an that /as the en+ o. the roun an I go on back to m0 corner an an be tr0in to get the ants out2 =3hat /as a +irt0 trick6= I sa02 =ust .inish him6= an sa0s6 =/e can7t a..or+ no scre/us2= 3he Pro.essor come out .or the secont roun+ an be makin .aces at me2 3hen he get close enough .or me to snatch him u an I li.te+ him over m0 hea+ an begun +oin the Dirlane Sin2 I sinne+ him aroun bout .ort0 or .i.t0 times till I /as rett0 sure he /as +iFF0 an then heave+ him har+ as I coul+ over the roes into the au+ience2
I ain7t sa0in nothin2 I am miserable2 Everthin is lost an the one thing I kno/ .or sure is that I ain7t gonna rassle never again2
@e +i+n7t nee+ the geta/a0 cab a.ter that6 so an an me ro+e back to In+ianaolis /ith *ike2 Dll the +rive back6 he be sa0in ho/ great it /as that I lost to 3he Pro.essor that /a06 an ho/ ne5 time I gonna get to /in an make everbo+0 thousans o. +ollars2 @hen he ull u in .ront o. the aartment6 *ike reach back an han an a enveloe /ith the t/o thousan +ollars he /as gonna a0 me .or the match2 =on7t take it6= I sa0s2 =@hat>= sa0s *ike2 =Listen6= I sa02 =I got to tell 0ou somethin2= an cut in2 =@hat he /ants to sa0 is6 he ain7t gonna be rasslin no more2= =Aou ki++in>= *ike sa02 =Din7t ki++in6= sa0s an2 =@ell ho/ come>= *ike a5e+2 =@hat7s /rong6 orrest>= Be.ore I coul+ sa0 an0thin6 an sa06 == =Cka06= an sa0s6 an /e get out o. the car2 @hen *ike is gone6 I sa0s6 =Aou shoul+n7t o. took the mone02= =@ell it7s all the hell /e got le.t no/6= he sa02 Everthin else is gone2 I +i+n7t realiFe till a .e/ minutes later ho/ right he /as2 @e get to the aartment an lo an behole6 enn0 is gone too2 Dll her things is gone6 cet she le. us some clean sheets an to/els an some ots an ans an stu..2 Cn the table in the livin room is a note2 an .oun it .irst6 an he rea+ it out lou+ to me2
ear orrest6 Kit sa0s I am ;ust not able to take this an0more2 I have trie+ to talk to 0ou about m0 .eelings6 an+ 0ou +on7t seem to care2 3here is something articularl0 ba+ about /hat 0ou are gonna +o tonight6 because it isn7t honest6 an+ I am a.rai+ I cannot go on /ith 0ou an0 longer2 *a0be it is m0 .ault6 artl06 because I have gotten to an age /here I nee+ to settle +o/n2 I think about having a house an+ a .amil0 an+ goin to church an+ things like that2 I have kno/n 0ou since the .irst gra+e6 orrestnearl0 thirt0 0earsan+ have /atche+ 0ou gro/ u big an+ strong an+ .ine2 Dn+ /hen I .inall0 realiFe+ ho/ much I care+ .or 0ou/hen 0ou came u to BostonI /as the haiest girl in the /orl+2 Dn+ then 0ou took to smoking too much +oe6 an+ 0ou .oole+ /ith those girls +o/n in Provinceto/n6 an even a.ter that6 I misse+ 0ou6 an+ /as gla+ 0ou came to @ashington +uring the eace +emonstration to see me2 But /hen 0ou got shot u in the saceshi an+ /ere lost in the ;ungle nearl0 .our 0ears6 I think ma0be I change+2 I am not as hoe.ul as I use+ to be6 an+ think I /oul+ be satis.ie+ /ith ;ust a simle li.e some/here2 So6 no/ I must go an .in+ it2 Something is change+ in 0ou6 too6 +ear orrest2 I +on7t think 0ou can hel it e5actl06 .or 0ou /ere al/a0s a =secial= erson6 but /e no longer seem to think the same /a02 I am in tears as I /rite this6 but /e must art no/2 Please +on7t tr0 to .in+ me2 I /ish 0ou /ell6 m0 +arlinggoo+b0e2 love6 enn0
an han+e+ the note to me but I let it +ro on the .loor an ;ust stoo+ there6 realiFin .or the .irst time in m0 li.e /hat it is trul0 like to be a i+iot2
%1
@ell6 a.ter that I /as one sorr0 basti+2
an an me sta0e+ at the aartment that nite6 but the ne5 mornin starte+ ackin u our shit an all6 cause there /a+n7t no reason to be in In+ianaolis no longer2 an6 he come to me an sa06 == I a5e+2 =I7m a.rai+ not6 orrest6= he sa0s2 =I think I +one enough +amage alrea+02 I +i+n7t slee none last night2 I7m thinkin about ho/ I got 0ou to agree to bet all our mone06 an ho/ I got 0ou to kee on rasslin /hen it oughta have been aarent enn0 /as about to .reak out on us2 Dn it /a+n7t 0our .ault 0ou got /hue+ b0 3he Pro.essor2 Aou +i+ /hat 0ou coul+2 I am the one to blame2 I ;us ain7t no goo+2= =D/e6 an6 it /a+n7t 0our .ault neither6= I sa0s2 =I. I ha+n7t o. got the big hea+ bout bein 3he unce6 an begun to believe all that shit the0 /as sa0in bout me6 I /oul+n7t o. got in this .i5 in the .irst lace2= =@hatever it is6= an sa06 =I ;us +on7t .eel right taggin along an0more2 Aou got other .ish to .r0 no/2 ,o an .r0 em2 orget about me2 I ain7t no goo+2= @ell6 me an an talke+ .or a long time6 but there /a+n7t no convincin him6 an a.ter a /ile6 he got his shit an I hee+ him +o/n the stes6 an the last I seen o. him6 he /as ushin hisse. +o/n the street on his little cart6 /ith all his clothes an shit ile+ in his la2
I /ent +o/n to the bus station an bought a ticket to *obile2 It /as sose+ to be a t/o +a0 an t/o nite tri6 +o/n thru Louisville6 to Nashville6 to Birmingham an then *obile6 an I /as one miserable i+iot6 settin there /ile the bus rolle+ along2 @e asse+ thru Louisville +urin the nite6 an the ne5 +a0 /e stoe+ in Nashville an ha+ to change busses2 It /as about a three hour /ait6 so I +eci+e+ to /alk aroun to/n .or a /ile2 I got me a samb/ich at a lunch counter an a glass o. ice+ tea an /as /alkin +o/n the street /hen I seen a big sign in .ront o. a hotel sa06 =@elcome ,ran+master7s
Invitational hess 3ournament2= It sort o. got m0 curiosit0 u6 on account o. I ha+ la0e+ all that chess back in the ;ungle /ith Big Sam6 an so I /ent on into the hotel2 3he0 /as la0in the chess game in the ballroom an ha+ a big mob o. eole /atchin6 but a sign sa06 =ive +ollars a+mission6= an+ I +i+n7t /ant to sen+ none o. m0 mone06 but I looke+ in thru the +oor .or a /ile6 an then ;us /ent an set +o/n in the lobb0 b0 m0se.2 3he0 /as a chair across .rom me /ith a little ole man settin in it2 ust take over the /hite in their ositions no/2= =I cain7t6= I sa0s6 cause I got to catch the bus an all2 So he ;us no+s an gives me a little salute /ith his han an I /ent on back to the bus station2 3ime I get there6 the +amn bus +one le. an0/a06 an here I am an ain7t no other bus till tomorro/2 I ;us cain7t +o nothin right2 @ell6 I got a +a0 to kill6 so I /alke+ on back to the hotel an there is the little ole man still la0in against hisse.6 an he seems to be /innin2 I /ent on u to him an he look u an motion .or me to set +o/n2 3he situation I have
come into is rett0 miserableha. m0 a/ns gone an I ain7t got but one bisho an no rooks an m0 ueen is about to be cature+ ne52 It took me most o. a hour to git m0se. back in a even osition6 an the ole man be kin+a gruntin an shakin his hea+ evertime I imrove m0 situation2 inall06 I +angle a gambit in .ront o. him2 = I tole him m0 name6 an he sa06 =No6 I mean6 /here have 0ou la0e+> I +on7t even recogniFe 0ou2= @hen I tole him I learnt to la0 in Ne/ ,uinea6 an he sa06 =,oo+ heavens Dn 0ou mean to sa0 0ou haven7t even been in regional cometition>= I shook m0 hea+ an he sa0s6 =@ell /hether 0ou kno/ it or not6 I am a .ormer international gran+ master6 an+ 0ou have ;ust stee+ into a game 0ou coul+n7t ossibil0 have /on6 an+ totall0 annihilate+ me= I a5e+ ho/ come he /a+n7t la0in in the room /ith the other eole6 an he sa0s6 =Ch6 I la0e+ earlier2 I7m nearl0 eight0 0ears ol+ no/6 an there is a sort o. senior tournament2 3he real glor0 is to the 0ounger .ello/s no/their min+s are ;us sharer2= I no++e+ m0 hea+ an thanke+ him .or the game an got u to go6 but he sa0s6 =Listen6 have 0ou ha+ 0our suer 0et>= I tole him I ha+ a samb/ich a .e/ hours ago6 an he sa06 =@ell ho/ about letting me bu0 0ou +inner> D.ter all6 0ou gave me a suerb game2= I sai+ that /ou+ be oka06 an /e /ent into the hotel +inin room2
=Look6= *ister 3ribble sa0 /ile /e is havin +inner6 =I7+ have to la0 0ou a .e/ more games to be sure6 but unless 0our la0ing this evening /as a total .luke6 0ou are erhas one o. the brightest unrecogniFe+ talents in the game2 I /oul+ like to sonsor 0ou in a tournament or t/o6 an+ see /hat haens2= I tole him about hea+in home an /antin to get into the srim bi+ness an+ all6 but he sa06 =@ell6 this coul+ be the oortunit0 o. a li.etime .or 0ou6 orrest2 Aou coul+ make a lot o. mone0 in this game6 0ou kno/2=
the street2 I +one /an+ere+ aroun .or a /ile6 but the0 ain7t a lot to see in Nashville6 an .inall0 I /oun+ u settin on a bench in a ark2 I /as tr0in to think6 /hich +on7t e5actl0 come eas0 to me6 an .igger out /hat to +o no/2 *0 min+ /as mostl0 on enn0 an /here she is2 She sa0 not to tr0 to .in+ her or nothin6 but the0 is a .eelin +o/n +ee in me somelace that she ain7t .orgot me2 I +one ma+e a .ool o. m0se. in In+ianaolis6 an I kno/ it2 I think it /as that I /a+n7t tr0in to +o the right thing2 Dn no/6 I ain7t sure /hat the right thing is2 I mean6 here I am6 ain7t got no mone0 to seak o.6 an I got to have some to start u the srim bi+ness6 an *ister 3ribble sa0 I can /in a goo+ bit on the chess circuit2 But it seem like ever time I +o somethin besi+es tr0in to get home an get the srim bi+ness starte+6 I get m0 big ass in hot /aterso here I am again6 /on+erin /hat to +o2 I ain7t been /on+erin long /hen u come a oliceman an a5e me /hat I7m +oin2 I sa0s I7m ;us settin here thinkin6 an he sa0 ain7t nobo+0 allo/e+ to set an think in the ark at night an .or me to move along2 I go on +o/n the street6 an the oliceman be .ollo/in me2 I +i+n7t kno/ /here to go6 so a.ter a /ile I sa/ an alle0 an /alke+ on back in it an .oun a lace to set +o/n an rest m0 .eet2 I ain7t been settin there more7n a minute /hen the same ole oliceman come b0 an see me there2 =Dll right6= he sa06 =come on outta there2= @hen I get out to the street6 he sa06 =@hat 0ou +oin in there>= I sa0s6 =Nothin6= an he sa06 =3hat7s e5actl0 /hat I thought0ou is un+er arrest .or loiterin2= @ell6 he take me to the ;ail an lock me u an then in the mornin the0 sa0 I can make one hone call i. I /ant2 ourse I +i+n7t kno/ nobo+0 to hone but *ister 3ribble6 so that7s /hat I +i+2 Bout ha. a hour later6 he sho/s u at the olice station an srings me out o. ;ail2 3hen he bu0s me a big ole break.ast at the hotel an sa0s6 =Listen6 /h0 +on7t 0ou let me enter 0ou in the interFonal chamionshis ne5t /eek in Los Dngeles> irst riFe is ten thousan +ollars2 I /ill a0 .or all 0our e5enses an /e /ill slit an0 mone0 0ou /in2 Seems to me 0ou nee+ a stake o. some sort6 an+6 to tell 0ou the truth6 I /oul+ en;o0 it immensel0 m0se.2 I /ill be 0our coach an+ a+viser2 = I still ha+ some +oubts6 but I .iggere+ it /oul+n7t hurt to tr02 So I sai+ I /ou+ +o it .or a /ile2 3ill I got enough mone0 to start the srim thing2 Dn me an *ister 3ribble shook hans an become artners2
Los Dngeles /as uite a sight2 @e got there a /eek earl0 an *ister 3ribble /oul+ sen+ most o. the +a0 coachin me an honin +o/n m0 game6 but a.ter a /ile o. this6 he ;us shook his hea+ an sa0 there ain7t no sense in tr0in to coach me6 cause I got =ever0 move in the book= alrea+02 So /hat /e +i+ /as6 /e /ent out on the to/n2 *ister 3ribble took me to isne0lan+ an let me go on some ri+es an then he arrange+ to get us a tour o. a movie lot2 3he0 is got all sorts o. movies goin on6 an eole is runnin aroun shoutin =take one6= an =cut6= an =action6= an shit like that2 Cne o. the movies the0 /as +oin /as a @estern an /e seen a .eller get hisse. tho/e+ thru a late glass /in+er about ten timestill he got it right2 Dn0/a06 /e /as ;us stan+in there /atchin this6 /hen some gu0 /alk u an sa0s6 =I beg 0our ar+on6 are 0ou an actor>= I sa0s6 == Dn *ister 3ribble6 he sa0s6 =No6 /e are chess la0ers2= Dn the .eller sa06 =@ell that7s kin+ o. a shame6 because the big gu0 here6 he looks i+eal .or a role in a movie I7m +oing2= Dn+ then he turn to me an .eel o. m0 arm an sa06 =*06 m06 0ou are a big strong .ellerare 0ou sure 0ou +on7t act>= =I +i+ once6= I sa0s2 =-eall0= the .eller sa0s2 =@hat in>= =ing Lear 2= =*arvelous6 bab06= he sa0s6 =that7s ;ust marvelous+o 0ou have 0our SD, car+>= =*0 /hat>= =Screen Dctors ,uil+oh6 no matter6= he sa02 =Listen6 bab06 /e can get that6 no trouble2 @hat I /ant to kno/ is6 /here have the0 been hi+ing 0ou> I mean6 ;ust look at 0ou D er.ect big strong silent t0eanother ohn @a0ne2= =
= D.ter all6 it might be the break 0ou7ve been looking .or2 @h0 +on7t 0ou come along6 too6 3ribble6 /e7ll give 0ou a screen test as /ell2= =@e7ll tr06= *ister 3ribble sa02 =No/ come along6 orrest6 /e have a little more /ork to +o2= =See 0ou later6 bab06= sa0 *ister el+er6 =+on7t .orget no/2= Dn o.. /e go2
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3he ne5 mornin is /hen the chess tournament is bein helt out at the Beverl0 = =I +unno either6= I sa0s6 but to tell the truth6 it soun sort o. e5citin6 bein in the movies an
all2 *a0be I even get to meet -auel @elch or somebo+02 =Ch6 I +on7t suose it /oul+ hurt an0thing6= *ister 3ribble sa02 =I guess I7ll call an set u an aointment2= So he call *ister el+er7s o..ice an be .in+in out /hen an /here .or us to go an all o. a su++en he cu his han+ over the hone an sa0 to me6 =orrest6 can 0ou s/im>= Dn I sa06 =Au6= an he sa0 back into the hone6 =Aes6 he can2= D.ter he +one hung u6 I a5e+ /h0 the0 /ant to kno/ i. I can s/im6 an *ister 3ribble sa0 he +on7t kno/6 but he recon /e /ill .in+ out /hen /e get there2
3he movie lot /e gone to is a +i..erent lace than the other one6 an /e /as met at the gate b0 a guar+ that took us to /here the screen test is bein helt2 *ister el+er is there arguin /ith a la+0 that actuall0 look somethin like -auel @elch6 but /hen he seen me6 he is all smiles2 =Dh6 orrest6= he sa06 =terri.ic 0ou came2 No/ /hat I /ant 0ou to +o is go thru that +oor to *akeu an+ ostuming6 an+ then the0 /ill sen+ 0ou back out /hen the0 are .inishe+2= So I gone on thru the +oor an there is a coule o. la+ies stan+in there an one o. em sa06 =Cka06 take o.. 0our clothes2= = I a5e+6 an he sa06 =Ch6 +i+n7t I tell 0ou> I am +oing a remake o. 3he reature .rom the Black Lagoon 2= Even a i+iot like me coul+ guess /hat art he have in min+ .or me to la02 *ister el+er motion .or the la+0 he ha+ been arguin /ith to come over2 =orrest6= he sa06 =I /ant 0ou to meet -auel @elch2=
@ell6 0ou cou++a knocke+ me over /ith a .eather 3here she /ere6 all +resse+ u in a lo/cut go/n an all2 =Please to meet 0ou6= I sa0s thru the mask6 but -auel @elch turn to *ister el+er lookin ma+ as a hornet2 =@hat7+ he sa0> Something about m0 tits6 /asn7t it= =No6 bab06 no6= sa0 *ister el+er2 == *ister el+er holler6 =ut= an he stan+ u an sa06 =@hat /as that 0ou sai+6 bab0> 3hat
ain7t in the scrit2= Dn -auel @elch sa06 =Shit on the scrit Somethin stinks aroun here= 3hen she su++enl0 look at me an sa06 == I /as so embarrasse+6 I +i+ not kno/ /hat to +o2 I ;ust stoo+ there .or a secont6 hol+in her in m0 arms6 an then I shake m0 hea+ an sa06 =?h uh2= It /as the .irst lie I ever tole in m0 li.e2 =@ell somebo+0 sure +i+6= she sa06 =cause I kno/ ee /hen I smell it Dn it /a+n7t me So it has to be 0ou
-auel @elch begun to ba/lin an hollerin again an Sue has grae+ me aroun the legs an is huggin me2 I +on7t kno/ ho/ he recogniFe+ me in m0 creature suit6 cet I guess he smelt me or somethin2 Dn0ho/6 -auel @elch6 she .inall0 sa06 =o 0ou kno/ this .ucking baboon>= == =3hat is a long stor06= I sa02 Dn0ho/6 -auel @elch is tr0in to cover herse. u /ith her hans6 but ole Sue6 he kno/s /hat to +o2 = I a5e+2 ars are /iFFin b06 an even tho /e must o. been a o++lookin sight6 ain7t nobo+0 even a0in us the slightest attention2 =Aou gotta take me somelace= she hollers2 =I got to get some clothes on=
=@here>= I sa0s2 =Dn0/here= she screams6 an so /e starte+ o.. +o/n the Santa *onica ree/a02 D.ter a /ile6 u in the +istance6 /e seen a big /hite sign u in some hills sa0 == -auel @elch sa02 =@e look re+iculous enough as it is= I ain7t sa0in nothin6 but I look back6 an ole Sue6 he got a aine+ look on his .ace2
So /e /alke+ some more an then she sa06 =3here,iani7sthe0 got some nice things in there6= an so /e go insi+e2 3he0 is a sales .eller at the +oor /ith a little moustache an a /hite suit /ith a han+kerchie. stickin out o. the coat ocket6 an he is e0ein us rett0 care.ull0 as /e come thru the +oor2 =*a0 I hel 0ou6 ma+am>= he a5e+2 =I /ant to bu0 a +ress6= -auel @elch sa02 =@hat +i+ 0ou have in min+>= sa0 the .eller2 =Dn0thing6 0ou .oolcan7t 0ou see /hat7s going on= @ell6 the sales .eller oint to a coule o. racks o. +resses an sa0 there might be somethin in there her siFe6 so -auel @elch go over an begin to look thru the +resses2 =Dn is there somethin I can +o .or 0ou gentlemen>= the .eller sa0s to me an Sue2 =@e is ;ust /ith her6= I sa02 I look back6 an the cro/+ is all gathere+ outsi+e6 noses resse+ to the /in+er2 -auel @elch took about eight or nine +resses into the back an trie+ them on2 D.ter a /ile she come out an sa06 =@hat +o 0ou think about this one>= It is a sort o. bro/n lookin +ress /ith a bunch o. belts an loos all over it an a lo/ neckline2 =Ch6 I7m not so sure6 +ear6= sa0 the salesman6 =someho/ itit ;ust isn7t 0ou 2= So she go back an tr0 on another one an the salesman sa06 =Ch6 /on+er.ul Aou look absolutel0 recious2= =I7ll take it6= sa0 -auel @elch6 an the salesman sa06 =ineho/ /oul+ 0ou like to a0 .or it>= =@hat +o 0ou mean>= she a5e+2 =@ell6 cash6 check6 cre+it car+>= he sa02 =Look 0ou boFocan7t 0ou see I +on7t have an0thing like that /ith me> @here the hell +o 0ou think I7+ ut it>= =Please6 ma+am+on7t let7s be vulgar6= the salesman sa02
=I am -auel @elch6= she tell the man2 =I /ill sen+ somebo+0 aroun+ here to a0 0ou later2= =I am terribl0 sorr06 la+06= he sa06 =but /e +on7t +o business that /a02= =But I7m -auel @elch = she shout2 =on7t 0ou recogniFe me>= =Listen la+06= the man sa06 =hal. the eole that come in here sa0 the0 are -auel @elch or arrah a/cett or Sohia Loren or somebo+02 Aou got an0 I>= =I= she shout2 =@here +o 0ou think I /oul+ kee I>= =No I6 no cre+it car+6 no mone0no +ress6= sa0 the salesman2 =I7ll rove /ho the hell I am6= -auel @elch sa06 an all o. a su++en she ull +o/n the to o. the +ress2 =@ho else is got tits like these in this onehorse to/n= she screech2 Cutsi+e6 the cro/+ all be beatin on the /in+ers an hollerin an cheerin2 But the salesman6 he unche+ a little button an some big gu0 /hat /as the securit0 +etective come over an he sa06 =Cka06 0our asses is all un+er arrest2 ome along uietl0 an there /on7t be no trouble2=
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So here I am6 tho/e+ in ;ail again2 D.ter the securit0 .eller corralle+ us at ,iani7s6 t/o carloa+s o. cos come screamin u an this one co come u to the salesman an sa06 =@ell6 /hat /e got here>= =3his one sa0s she7s -auel @elch6= the salesman sa02 =ome in here /earin a bunch o. banana leaves an /oul+n7t a0 .or the +ress2 I +on7t kno/ bout these other t/obut the0 look rett0 susicious to me2= =I am -auel @elch= she shout2 =Sure6 la+06= the co sa02 =Dn I am lint East/oo+2 @h0 +on7t 0ou go along /ith these t/o nice .ellers here2= =
=@e /as in a itcher6= I sa0s2 =3hat /h0 0ou7re /earin that creature suit>= he a5e2 =Au6= I sa0s2 =Dn /hat bout him>= he sa06 ointin to Sue2 =3hat7s a rett0 realistic costume6 i. I sa0 so m0sel.2= =Din7t no costume6= I sa0s2 == the co sa02 =@ell I7ll tell 0ou /hat2 @e got a .eller +o/n to the station /ho makes itchers6 too6 an he /oul+ love to get a coule o. shots o. 0ou clo/ns2 So 0ou ;us come along tooan +on7t make no su++en moves2= Dn0ho/6 *ister 3ribble has got to come +o/n an bail me out again2 Dn *ister el+er sho/e+ u /ith a /hole latoon o. la/0ers to git out -auel @elch6 /ho b0 this time is h0sterical2 =Aou ;us /ait= she shriek back at me as the0 turnin her loose2 =@hen I git .inishe+6 0ou /on7t be able to .in+ a ;ob as a sear carrier in a nightmare= In this6 she is robl0 correct2 It look like m0 movie career is over2 =3hat7s li.e6 bab0but I7ll call 0ou .or lunch sometime6= *ister el+er sa0s to me as he is leavin2 =@e7ll sen+ somebo+0 b0 later to ick u the creature suit2= =7mon6 orrest6= sa0 *ister 3ribble2 =Aou an+ I have got other .ish to .r02=
Back at the hotel6 *ister 3ribble an me an Sue is settin in our room havin a con.erence2 =It is going to ose a roblem6 /ith Sue here6= *ister 3ribble sa0s2 =I mean6 look ho/ /e ha+ to sneak him u the stairs an+ everthin2 It is ver0 +i..icult to travel /ith an orangutan6 /e have to .ace that2= I tole him ho/ I .elt bout Sue6 bout ho/ he save+ m0 ass more than once in the ;ungle an all2 =@ell6 I think I un+erstan+ 0our .eelings6= he sa0s2 =Dn+ I7m /illing to give it a tr02 But he7s going to have to behave himsel.6 or /e7ll be in trouble .or sure2=
=
knight to take her2 ?n.ortunatel06 it +i+n7t /ork2
Dll the /ile6 orrest +i+n7t mean an0thing b0 it2 = *ister 3ribble a5e+2 3he tournament +irector scratche+ his chin .or a minute2 =@ell6 erhas6= he sa06 =but he is gonna have to contain hisse. because /e cannot tolerate this sort o. thing here6 0ou kno/>= Dn so it /as beginnin to look like I might be allo/e+ to .inish the game6 but all o. a su++en the0 is a big commotion at one en+ o. the room6 an la+ies are screaming an shrieking an all an then I look u an here come ole Sue6 s/ingin to/ar+s me on a chan+elier2 us as the chan+elier got overhea+ Sue let go an +roe+ right on to o. the chessboar+6 scatterin all the ieces in a +oFen +irections2
@ell6 /e get on back to the hotel6 an *ister 3ribble sa0 /e got to have another con.erence2 =orrest6= he sa06 =I ;ust +o not believe this is going to /ork out an0more2 Aou can la0 chess like a +ream6 but things have gotten too comlicate+ other/ise2 Dll that stu.. that /ent on this a.ternoon /as6 /ell6 to ut it mil+l06 it /as biFarre2= I am no++in an ole Sue is lookin rett0 sorro/.ul too2 =So6 I7ll tell 0ou /hat I7m going to +o2 Aou7re a goo+ bo06 orrest6 an+ I can7t leave 0ou stran+e+ out here in ali.ornia6 so I am going to arrange .or 0ou an+ Sue to get back to Dlabama or /herever it is 0ou came .rom2 I kno/ 0ou nee+ a little grubstake to start 0our shrim business6 an+ 0our share o. the /innings6 a.ter I +e+uct e5enses6 comes to a little un+er .ive thousan+ +ollars2= *ister 3ribble han+ me a enveloe an /hen I look insi+e it6 there is a bunch o. hun+rit +ollar bills2 =I /ish 0ou all the best in 0our venture6= he sa02 *ister 3ribble hone .or a ta5icab an got us to the railroa+ station2 = I took the car+ an shook his han again an /as sorr0 to be leavin cause *ister 3ribble /as a ver0 nice man6 an I ha+ let him +o/n2 I /as settin in m0 seat on the train6 lookin out the /in+er6 an *ister 3ribble /as still stan+in on the lat.orm2 us as the train ulle+ out6 he raise+ u his han at me an /ave+ goo+b0e2 So o.. I /ent again6 an .or a long time that night m0 hea+ /as .ull o. +reamso. going back home again6 o. m0 mama6 o. o ole Bubba an o. the srim bi+ness an6 o. course6 o. enn0 urran too2 *ore than an0thin in the /orl+6 I /ishe+ I /ere not such a loon0 tune2
%4
@ell6 .inall06 i +one come home again2 3he train got into the *obile station bout three o7clock in the mornin an the0 took o.. ole
Sue in his crate an le. us stan+in on the lat.orm2 Din7t nobo+0 else aroun cet some .eller s/eein the .loor an a gu0 snooFin on a bench in the +eot6 so Sue an me /alke+ on +o/nto/n an .inall0 .oun a lace to slee in a aban+one+ buil+in2 Ne5 mornin6 I got Sue some bananas +o/n b0 the /har. an .oun+ a little lunch counter /here I bought a great big break.ast /ith grits an eggs an bacon an ancakes an all6 an then I .iggere+ I ha+ to +o somethin to get us suare+ a/a06 so I begun to /alk out to /here the Little Sisters o. the Poor home /as locate+2 Cn the /a06 /e asse+ b0 /here our ole house use+ to be6 an it /a+n7t nothin le. but a .iel+ o. /ee+s an some burnt u /oo+2 It /as a ver0 strange .eelin6 seein that6 an so /e ke on goin2 @hen I got to the o house6 I tole Sue to /ait in the 0ar+ so as not to startle them sisters none6 an I /ent in an a5e+ about m0 mama2 3he hea+ sister6 she /as real nice6 an she sa0 she +on7t kno/ /here *ama is6 cet she /ent o.. /ith the rotestant6 but that I might tr0 a5in aroun in the ark cause mama use to go an set there in the a.ternoons /ith some other la+ies2 So I got Sue an /e gone on over there2 3he0 /as some la+ies settin on the benches an I /ent u an tole one o. them /ho I /as6 an she looke+ at ole Sue6 an sa06 =I reckon I might o. guess it2= But then she sa0 she has hear+ that *ama /as /orkin as a ants resser in a +r0 cleanin store on the other si+e o. to/n6 an so me an Sue /ent over there an sho enough6 there is o ole *ama6 s/eatin over a air o. ants in the laun+r02 @hen she seen me6 *ama +ro everthin an tho/e+ herse. into m0 arms2 She is cr0in an t/istin her hans an sni..lin ;ust like I remembere+2 ,oo+ ole *ama2 =Ch6 orrest6= she sa02 =Aou have come home at last2 3here /a+n7t a +a0 gone b0 I +i+n7t think bout 0ou6 an I +one crie+ m0se. to slee ever night since 0ou been gone2= 3hat +i+n7t surise me none tho6 an I a5e+ her bout the rotestant2 =3hat lo/+o/n olecat6= *ama sa02 =I shoul+ o. kno/e+ better than to run o.. /ith a rotestant2 @a+n7t a month /ent b0 be.ore he chucke+ me .or a si5teen0earole girlan him bein nearl0 si5t02 Let me tell 0ou6 orrest6 rotestants ain7t got no morals2= ust then a lou+ voice come .rom insi+e the +r0 cleanin sto/6 sa06 =,la+0s6 have 0ou +one le. the steam ress on somebo+07s ants>= =Ch m0 ,o+= *ama shout6 an run back insi+e2 Dll o. a su++en a big column o. black smoke blo/e+ out thru the /in+er an eole insi+e is ba/lin an hollerin an cussin an ne5 thing I kno/e+6 *ama is bein haule+ out o. the sto/ b0 a big ol+ ugl0 bal+hea+e+
gu0 that is shoutin an manhan+lin her2 =,it out ,it out= he holler2 =3his is the last stra/ Aou +one burnt u 0our last air o. ants= *ama be cr0in an /eein an I stee+ u to the .eller an sa06 =I think 0ou better be takin 0our hans o.. m0 mama2= =@ho the hell is 0ou>= he a5e+2 =orrest ,um6= I sa0s back6 an he sa06 =@ell 0ou git 0our ass outta here too6 an take 0our mama /ith 0ou6 cause she +on7t /ork here no more= =Aou best not be talkin that /a0 aroun m0 mama6= I sa0s6 an he sa0 back6 =Aeah> @hat 0ou gonna +o about it>= So I sho/e+ him2 irst6 I grae+ him an icke+ him u in the air2 3hen I carrie+ him into /here the0 /as /ashin all these clothes in a big ole oversiFe laun+r0 machine the0 use .or uilts an+ rugs6 an I oen the to an stu.. him in an close the li+ shut an turne+ the +ial to =Sin2= Last I seen o. him6 his ass /ere hea+e+ .or the =-inse= c0cle2 *ama is ba/lin an +a/bin at her e0es /ith a han+kerchie. an sa06 =Ch6 orrest6 no/ I +one lost m0 ;ob= =on7t /orr0 none6 *ama6= I tole her6 =everthin gonna be oka06 cause I have got a lan2= == she sa02 =Aou is a i+iot2 = =us /ait an see6= I sa0s2 Dn0ho/6 I am gla+ to have got o.. on the right .oot m0 .irst +a0 home2
@e got outta there6 an starte+ /alkin to/ar+s the roomin house /here *ama sta0in2 I ha+ +one intro+uce+ her to Sue an she sa0 she /as lease+ that at least I have got some kin+a .rien+even i. he is a ae2 Dn0ho/6 *ama an me ate suer at the roomin house an she got Sue a orange .rom the kitchen6 an a.ter/ar+s6 me an Sue /ent +o/n to the bus station an got the bus to Ba0ou La Batre6 /here Bubba7s .olks live+2 Sure as rain6 last thing I sa/ o. *ama she /as
stan+in on the orch o. the roomin house /iin her e0es an sobbin as /e le.2 But I ha+ give her ha. the .ive thousan +ollars to sort o. ti+e her over an a0 her rent an all till I coul+ get m0se. establishe+6 so I +i+n7t .eel so ba+2 Dn0ho/6 /hen the bus get to Ba0ou La Batre /e +i+n7t have no trouble .in+in Bubba7s lace2 It7s about eight o7clock at night an I knocke+ on the +oor an a.ter a /ile an ole .eller aears an a5e+ /hat I /ant2 I tole him /ho I /as an that I kno/e+ Bubba .rom la0in .ootball an .rom the Drm06 an he got kin+a nervous but he invite+ me insi+e2 I ha+ tole ole Sue to sta0 out in the 0ar+ an kin+a kee outta sight since the0 robl0 hasn7t seen nothin look like him +o/n here2 Dn0ho/6 it /as Bubba7s +a++06 an he got me a glass o. ice+ tea an starte+ a5in me a lot o. uestions2 @ante+ to kno/ bout Bubba6 bout ho/ he got kilt an all6 an I tole him the best I coul+2 inall06 he sa06 =3here7s somethin I been /on+erin all these 0ears6 orrest/hat +o 0ou think Bubba +ie+ .or>= =ause he got shot6= I sa0s6 but he sa06 =No6 that ain7t /hat I mean2 @hat I mean is6 /h0> @h0 /as /e over there>= I thought .or a minute6 an sa06 =@ell6 /e /as tr0in to +o the right thing6 I guess2 @e /as ;us +oin /hat /e /as tole2= Dn he sa06 =@ell6 +o 0ou think it /as /orth it> @hat /e +i+> Dll them bo0s gettin kilt that /a0>= Dn I sa0s6 =Look6 I am ;us a i+iot6 see2 But i. 0ou /ant m0 real oinion6 I think it /as a bunch o. shit2= Bubba7s +a++0 no+ his hea+2 =3hat7s /hat I .iggere+6= he sa02 Dn0ho/6 I tole him /h0 I ha+ come there2 3ole him bout me an Bubba7s lan to oen u a little srim bi+ness6 an ho/ I ha+ met the ole gook /hen I /as in the hosital an he sho/e+ me ho/ to gro/ srim6 an he /as gettin real intereste+ an a5in a lot o. uestions6 /hen all o. a su++en the0 is a tremen+ous sua/kin set u out in the 0ar+2 =Somethin7s a.ter m0 chickens= Bubba7s +a++0 shout6 an he /ent an got a gun .rom behin the +oor an go out on the orch2 =3he0 is somethin I got to tell 0ou6= I sa0s6 an I tole him bout Sue bein there6 cet /e +on7t see hi+e nor hair o. him2
Bubba7s +a++0 go back in the house an get a .lashlight an shine it aroun in the 0ar+2 = Bubba7s +a++0 a5e+2 == =D little bit6= I sa0s6 =but he ain7t2= Dn0/a06 Bubba7s +a++0 sa0 /e can slee there that night6 an in the mornin6 he /ill go aroun /ith us an see i. /e can .in+ some lace to start the srim bi+ness2 3he0 /as a nice breeFe blo/in o.. the ba0ou an 0ou cou+ hear .ra/gs an crickets an even the soun o. a .ish ;umin ever once in a /ile2 It /as a nice6 eace.ul lace6 an I ma+e u m0 min+ then an there that I /as not gonna get into no trouble here2
Ne5 mornin brite an earl0 /e get u an Bubba7s +a++0 +one .i5e+ a big break.ast /ith homema+e sausage an .resh 0ar+ eggs an biscuits an molasses6 an then he take me an Sue in a little boat an ole us +o/n the Ba0ou2 It is calm an the0 is a bit o. mist on the /ater2 Ever once in a /ile a big ole bir+ /oul+ take o.. outta the marsh2 =No/6= sa0 Bubba7s +a++06 =here is /here the salt ti+e comes in6= an he oint to a sle/ that runs u in the marsh2 =3here7s some rett0 big on+s u in there6 an i. I /as gonna +o /hat 0ou lannin to +o6 that7s /here I7+ +o it2=
marsh +o/n to the on+s2 ?se+ to .ish an shoot +ucks in there2 Aou coul+ robl0 .i5 em u2 It7+ be a /a0 o. gettin aroun in there2= @ell6 let me tell 0ou6 it looke+ i+eal2 Bubba7s +a++0 sa0 the0 get see+ srim u in them sle/s an ba0ous all the time6 an it /oul+n7t be no trouble to net a bunch o. em to start o.. the bi+ness /ith2 Dnother thing he sa0 is that in his e5erience6 a srim /ill eat cottonsee+ meal6 /hich is goo+ on account o. it is chea2 3he main thing /e got to +o is block o.. them on+s /ith mesh nets an get the little cabin .i5e+ u to live in an get some sulies like eanut butter an ;ell0 an brea+ an all that kin+ o. shit2 3hen /e be rea+0 to start gro/in our srim2 So /e got starte+ that ver0 +a02 Bubba7s +a++0 took me back to the house an /e gone into to/n an begun bu0in sulies2
%$
It /as a ver0 nice +a0 in une /hen /e .iggere+ it /as time to start our .irst srim harvest2 *e an Sue got u /ith the sun an /ent +o/n to the on+ an +ragge+ a net
acrost it till it got stuck on somethin2 Sue trie+ to ull it loose .irst6 then I trie+6 then /e trie+ together till /e .inall0 .iggere+ out the net /a+n7t stuckit /as ;us so .ull o. srim /e coul+n7t move it B0 that evenin /e ha+ ulle+ in about three hun+rit ouns o. srim6 an /e sent the night sortin em out in various siFes2 Ne5 mornin /e ut the srim in baskets an took em +o/n to our little ro/boat2 3he0 /eighe+ so much /e +amn near tume+ over on the /a0 u to Ba0ou La Batre2 3he0 /as a sea.oo+ ackin house there an Sue an me haule+ the srim .rom the +ock to the /eighin room2 D.ter everthin is tote+ u6 /e got oursel.s a check .or eight hun+rit6 si5t0.ive +ollars It is about the .irst honest mone0 I ever ma+e since I la0e+ harmonica .or 3he racke+ Eggs2 Ever +a0 .or nearl0 t/o /eeks Sue an me harveste+ srim an brought em in to the ackin house2 @hen @hen it /as .inall0 .inall0 over6 /e ha+ ma+e a total o. o. nine thousan+6 seven seven hun+rit +ollars an t/ent0si5 cents2 3he srim bi+ness /as a success @ell6 let me tell 0ouit /ere a ha0 occasion2 @e took u a bushel basket o. srim to Bubba7s +a++0 an he /as real ha0 an sa0 he is rou+ o. us an that he /ishe+ Bubba /ere there too2 3hen me an Sue caught the bus u to *obile to celebrate2 irst thing I +one /as gone to see m0 mama at the roomin house6 an /hen I tole her about the mone0 an all6 sure enough6 she be clou+in u again2 =Ch6 orrest6= she sa06 sa06 =I am so rou+ o. 0ou+oin so goo+ an all .or bein retar+e+2= Dn0ho/6 Dn0ho/6 I tole *ama about m0 lan6 /hich /as that ne5 0ear /e /as gonna have three times as man0 srim on+s6 an that /e nee+e+ somebo+0 to /atch over the mone0 an look a.ter our e5enses an all6 an I a5e+ i. she /oul+ +o that2 =Aou mean I gotta move all the /a0 +o/n to Ba0ou La Batre>= *ama sa02 =Din7t nothin goin on +o/n there2 @hat am I gonna +o /ith m0se.>= =ount mone06= I sa0s2 D.ter that6 me an Sue /ent +o/nto/n an got oursel.s a big meal2 I gone +o/n to the +ocks an bought Sue a big bunch o. bananas6 an then /ent an got m0se. the biggest steak +inner I coul+ .in+6 /ith mashe+ otatoes an green eas an everthin2 3hen I +eci+e+ to go +rink me a beer somelace an ;us as I am /alkin b0 this +ark ole saloon near the /ater.ront6 I hear all this lou+ cussin an shoutin an even a.ter all these 0ears6 I kno/e+ that voice2 I stuck m0 hea+ in the +oor6 an sure enough6 it /ere ole urtis .rom the ?niversit0 urtis /ere ver0 ha0 to see me6 callin me a asshole an a cocksucker an a
mother.ucker an everthin else nice he coul+ think o.2 Ds it turns out6 urtis ha+ gone on to la0 ro .ootball /ith the @ashington -e+skins a.ter he le. the ?niversit06 an then he +one got ut on /aivers a.ter bitin the team o/ner7s /i.e on the ass at a art02 = I a5e+2 urtis be cussin an hollerin but a.ter a minute or t/o I .igger out he is tr0in to a5e me /hat I /ant him to +o6 so I tole him about the srim bi+ness an that /e /as gonna e5an+ our oeration2
So all thru that summer an .all an the ne5t sring /e be /orkin har+6 me an Sue an *ama an urtisan I even ha+ a ;ob .or Bubba7s +a++02 3hat 0ear /e ma+e nearl0 thirt0 thousan +ollars an are gettin bigger all the time2 3hings coul+n7t o. been goin better *ama ain7t ba/lin har+l0 at all6 an one +a0 /e even seen urtis smile oncealtho he stoe+ an starte+ cussin again soon as he sa/ us /atchin2 or me6 tho6 it ain7t uite as ha0 as it might be6 cause I am thinkin a lot about enn0 an /hat has become o. her2 her2 Cne +a06 I ;us +eci+e+ to +o somethin bout it2 It /as a Sun+a06 an I got +resse+ u an caught the bus u to *obile an /ent over to enn07s mama7s house2 She /as settin insi+e6 /atchin tv6 /hen I knocke+ on the +oor2 @hen I tole her /ho I /as6 she sa06 sa06 =orrest ,um I ;us can7t believe it2 7mon in=
@ell6 /e set there a /ile an she a5e+ bout *ama an /hat I7+ been +oin an everthin6 an .inall0 I a5e+ about enn02 =Ch6 I reall0 +on7t hear .rom her much these +a0s6= *rs2 urran sa02 =I think the0 livin somelace in North arolina2= =She got a roomate or somethin>= I a5e+2 =Ch6 +i+n7t 0ou kno/6 orrest>= she sa02 =enn0 got marrie+2= =*arrie+>= I sa02 =It /as a coule o. 0ears ago2 She7+ been livin in In+iana2 3hen she /ent to @ashington @ashington an ne5 thing I kne/6 I got a ostcar+ sa0in she /as marrie+6 an the0 /as movin to North arolina or somelace2 Aou /ant me to tell her an0thin i. I hear .rom her>= =No7m6= I sa0s6 =not reall02 reall02 *a0be ;us tell her I /ish her goo+ luck an all2= =I sure /ill6= *rs2 urran sa06 =an I7m so gla+ 0ou came b02=
I +unno6 I reckon I ought to o. been rea+0 .or that ne/s6 but I /a+n7t2 I coul+ .eel m0 heart oun+in6 an m0 hans got col+ an +am an all I cou+ think o. /as goin somelace an curlin u into a ball the /a0 I ha+ that time a.ter Bubba got kilt6 an so that7s /hat I +i+2 I .oun some shrubs in back o. somebo+07s 0ar+ an I cra/le+ un+er there an ;us got m0se. into a ball2 I think I even commence+ to suck m0 thumb6 /hich I ain7t +one in a long /ile since m0 mama al/a0s sai+ it /as a sure sign that somebo+07s a i+iot6 unless the0 are a bab02 Dn0ho/6 I +on7t kno/ ho/ long I sta0e+ there2 It /as most o. a +a0 an a ha. I guess2 I +i+n7t .eel no blame .or enn06 enn06 she +one /hat she ha+ to2 D.ter D.ter all6 I am a i+iot6 an /ile a lot o. eole sa0 the0 is marrie+ to i+iots6 the0 coul+n7t coul+n7t never imagine /hat /oul+ be in store i. the0 ever marrie+ a real one2 *ostl06 I guess6 I am ;us .eelin sorr0 .or m0se.6 because someho/ I ha+ actuall0 got to /here /here I believe+ that enn0 an me /oul+ /oul+ be together some+a02 some+a02 Dn so /hen I learnt .rom her mama that she is marrie+6 it /as like a art o. me has +ie+ +ie+ an /ill never be again6 .or gettin marrie+ marrie+ is not like runnin a/a02 a/a02 ,ettin marrie+ is a ver0 serious +eal2 Sometime +urin the night I crie+6 but it +i+ not he much2 It /as later that a.ternoon /hen I cra/le+ out o. the shrubs an gone on back to Ba0ou La Batre2 I +i+n7t tell nobo+0 /hat ha+ haene+6 cause I .iggere+ it /oul+n7t o. +one no
goo+2 3he0 /as some /ork I nee+e+ to +o aroun the on+s6 men+in nets an such6 an I /ent on out b0 m0se. an +one it2 B0 the time I get .inishe+ it is +ark6 an I +one ma+e a +ecisionI am gonna tho/ m0se. into the srim bi+ness an /ork m0 ass o..2 It is all I can +o2
Dn so I +i+2 3hat 0ear /e ma+e sevent0.ive thousan +ollars be.ore e5enses an the bi+ness is gettin so big I got to hire more eole to he me run it2 Cne erson I get is ole Snake6 the uarterback .rom the ?niversit02
=,um7s Shell.ish oman02= Dnother /as calle+ =Sue7s Stu..e+ rabs6 Inc26= an another /as =*ama7s ra/.ish >tou..>e6 Lt+2= @ell6 the uarter o. a million become ha. a million an the 0ear .ollo/in that6 a million6 an so on6 till a.ter .our more 0ears /e +one become a .ive million +ollar a 0ear bi+ness2 @e got nearl0 three hun+re+ emlo0ees no/6 inclu+in 3he 3ur+ an 3he Hegetable6 /hose rasslin +a0s /ere over6 an /e got them loa+in crates at the /arehouse2 @e trie+ like hell to .in+ o an6 but he +one vanishe+ /ithout a trace2 @e +i+ .in+ ole *ike6 the rasslin romoter6 an ut him in charge o. ublic relations an a+vertisin2 Dt *ister 3ribble7s suggestion6 *ike +one even hire+ -auel @elch to +o some television a+s .or usthe0 +resse+ her u to look like a crab6 an she +ance aroun an sa06 =Aou ain7t never ha+ crabs till 0ou tr0 Sue7s= Dn0ho/6 things has gotten real bigtime2 @e got a .leet o. re.rigerator trucks an a .leet o. srim6 o0ster an .ishin boats2 @e got our o/n ackin house6 an a o..ice buil+in6 an have investe+ heavil0 in real estate such as con+ominiums an shoin centers an in oil an gas leases2 @e +one hire+ ole Pro.essor 8uackenbush6 the English teacher .rom u at tou..>e oeration2 @e also hire+ olonel ,ooch6 /ho got +rumme+ out o. the Drm0 a.ter m0 *e+al o. = he a5e2 *ister la5ton is his name2 =Look6= I tell him6 =I am ;ust a i+iot2 I +on7t kno/ nothin bout olitics2= =3hen 0ou /ill .it in er.ectl0= *ister la5ton sa02 =Listen6 /e nee+ goo+ men like 0ou2 Salt o. the earth6 I tell 0ou Salt o. the earth=
I +i+ not like this i+ea an0 more than I like a lot o. the other i+eas eole have .or me6 on account o. other eole7s i+eas are usuall0 /hat get me into trouble2 But sure enough6 /hen I tole m0 mama6 she get all tear0e0e+ an rou+ an sa0 it /oul+ be the ans/er to all her +reams to see her bo0 be a ?nite+ States Senator2 @ell6 the +a0 come /hen /e is to announce m0 can+i+ac02 *ister la5ton an them others hire+ the au+itorium u in *obile an haule+ me out on the stage in .ront o. a cro/+ that ai+ .i.t0 cents aiece to come listen to m0 shit2 3he0 begin /ith a lot o. long/in+e+ seeches an then it come m0 turn2 =*0 .eller Dmericans6= I begin2 *ister la5ton an the others have /rit me a seech to give an later the0 /ill be uestions .rom the au+ience2 3H cameras are rollin an .lashbulbs are oin an reorters are scribblin in their notebooks2 I rea+ the /hole seech6 /hich ain7t ver0 long an +on7t make much sensebut /hat +o I kno/> I am ;us a i+iot2 @hen I am .inishe+ talkin6 a la+0 .rom the ne/saer stan+ u an look at her notea+2 =@e are currentl0 on the brink o. nuclear +isaster6= she sa06 =the econom0 is in ruins6 our nation is revile+ throughout the /orl+6 la/lessness revails in our cities6 eole starve o. hunger ever0 +a06 religion is gone .rom our homes6 gree+ an+ avarice is ramant ever0/here6 our .armers are going broke6 .oreigners are inva+ing our countr0 an+ taking our ;obs6 our unions are corrut6 babies are +0ing in the ghettos6 ta5es are un.air6 our schools are in chaos an+ .amine6 estilence an+ /ar hang over us like a clou+in vie/ o. all this6 *ister ,um6= she a5e6 =/hat6 in 0our min+6 is the most ressing issue o. the moment>= 3he lace /as so uiet 0ou coul+a hear+ a in +ro2 =I got to ee6= I sa0s2 Dt this6 the cro/+ /ent /ile Peole begun hollerin an cheerin an shoutin an /avin the0 han+s in the air2 rom the back o. the room somebo+0 starte+ chantin an rett0 soon the /hole au+itorium /as +oin it2 =@E ,C3 3C PEE @E ,C3 3C PEE @E ,C3 3C PEE= the0 /as 0ellin2 *0 mama ha+ been settin there behin+ me on the stage an she got u an come +rug me a/a0 .rom the seaker7s stan+2 =Aou ought to be ashame+ o. 0ourse.6= she sa06 =talkin like that in ublic2= =No6 no= *ister la5ton sa0s2 =It7s er.ect 3he0 love it2 3his /ill be our camaign slogan=
=@hat /ill>= *ama a5e+2 = =It7s a s0mbol6= *ister la5ton sa0s2 =ust think6 /e7ll have billboar+s an+ lacar+s an+ bumer stickers ma+e u2 3ake out television an+ ra+io a+s2 It7s a stroke o. genius6 that7s /hat it is2 @e ,ot to Pee is a s0mbol o. ri++ance o. the 0oke o. government oression o. evacuation o. all that is /rong /ith this countr0222 It signi.ies .rustration an+ imen+ing relie.= =@hat= *ama a5e+ susiciousl02 =Is 0ou lost 0our min+>= =orrest6= *ister la5ton sa0s6 =0ou are on 0our /a0 to @ashington2=
Dn so it seeme+2 3he camaign /as goin along rett0 goo+ an =@e ,ot to Pee= ha+ become the b0/or+ o. the +a02 Peole shoute+ it on the street an .rom cars an busses2 3elevision commentators an ne/saer columnists sent a lot o. time tr0ing to tell .olks /hat it meant2 Preachers 0elle+ it .rom their ulits an chil+ren chante+ it in school2 It /as beginnin to look like I /as a shooin .or the election6 an6 in .act6 the can+i+ate runnin against me6 he got so +eserate he ma+e u his o/n slogan6 =I ,ot to Pee6 3oo 6= an lastere+ it all over the state2 3hen it all .ell aart6 ;us like I /as a.rai+ it /oul+2 3he =I ,ot to Pee= +eal +one come to the attention o. the national me+ia an rett0 soon the @ashington Post an the Ne/ Aa/k 3imes sent +o/n their investigating reorters to look into the matter2 3he0 a5e+ me a lot o. uestions an /as real nice an .rien+l0 soun+ing6 but then the0 /ent back an begun to +ig u m0 ast2 Cne +a0 the stories broke on the .ront age o. ever ne/saer in the countr02 =Senatorial an+i+ate
@orstthe0 +one .in+ out about the criminal charges I got .or tho/in m0 me+al at the ?2S2 aitol an that I been sentence+ b0 a ;u+ge to a loon0 as0lum2 Dlso6 the0 kne/ all about m0 rasslin career6 too6 an that I /as calle+ 3he unce2 3he0 even ran a hoto o. me being tie+ u b0 3he Pro.essor2 inall06 the0 mention several =unname+ sources= sa0in I /as involve+ in a = D long time ago6 me an Bubba ha+ a lan6 /hich has no/ gone be0on our /il+est +reams6 but so /hat> It ain7t ha. as much .un as the time I la0e+ against them Nebraska corn shucker ;acko..s in the Crange Bo/l6 or took a ri+e on m0 harmonica u at Boston /ith 3he racke+ Eggs6 or6 .or that matter6 /atche+ =3he Beverl0
course 0our share o. the bi+ness /ill be here /henever 0ou /ant it2= So that7s /hat I +one2 Cne mornin a .e/ +a0s later I got a little cash6 an tho/e+ a .e/ things in a +u..lebag an then gone +o/n to the lant2 I tole *ama an *ister 3ribble goo+b0e an then /ent aroun an shook hans /ith everbo+0 else*ike an Pro.essor 8uackenbush an 3he 3ur+ an 3he Hegetable an Snake an oach ellers an his goons an Bubba7s +a++0 an all the rest2 3hen I gone to the shack an .oun ole Sue2 =@hat 0ou gonna +o>= I a5e+2 Sue grae+ holt o. m0 han an then he icke+ u m0 bag an carrie+ it out the +oor2 @e got in the little ro/boat an a++le+ u to Ba0ou La Batre an caught the bus to *obile2 D la+0 in the ticket o..ice there sa06 sa06 =@here 0ou /ant to go>= an I shrugge+ m0 shoul+ers6 so she sa06 =@h0 +on7t 0ou go to Savannah> I been there once an it is a real nice to/n2= So that7s /hat /e +i+2
%"
@e got o.. the bus at savannah6 /here it /as rainin to beat the ban+2 Sue an me /ent in the +eot an I got a cu o. co..ee an took it out un+er the eaves an trie+ to .igger out /hat /e gonna +o ne52 I ain7t got no lan6 reall06 so a.ter I .inish m0 co..ee I took out m0 harmonica an begun to la02 la02 I la0e+ a coule o. songs6 an lo an behole6 a .eller that /as /alkin b06 he tho/e+ a uarter in m0 co..ee cu2 I la0e+ a coule o. more songs6 an a.ter a /ile the co..ee cu is bout ha. .ull o. change2 It +one uit rainin so Sue an me /alke+ on o.. an in a little bit come to a ark in the mi++le o. to/n2 I set +o/n on a bench an la0e+ some more an sure enough6 eole begun to +ro uarters uarters an +imes an nickels nickels in the co..ee co..ee cu2 3hen ole ole Sue6 he caught on6 an /hen .olks /oul+ ass b06 he7+ take the co..ee cu an go u to them /ith it2 Dt the en+ o. the +a06 +a06 I7+ got nearl0 .ive +ollars2 @e sle in the ark that night on a bench an it /as a .ine6 clear night an the stars an moon /as out2 In the mornin /e got some break.ast an I begun to la0 the harmonica again as .olks starte+ sho/in u .or /ork2 @e @e ma+e eight bucks that +a0 an nine the ne56
an b0 the en+ o. the /eek /e ha+ +one rett0 goo+6 consi+erin2 D.ter the /eeken+6 I .oun a little music sho an /ent in there to see i. I coul+ .in+ another harmonica in the ke0 o. , on account o. la0ing in all the time /as gettin monotonous2 Cver in a corner I seen that the .eller ha+ a use+ ke0boar+ .or sale2 It look rett0 much like the one ole ,eorge use+ to la0 /ith 3he racke+ Eggs an that he ha+ taught me a .e/ chor+s on2 I a5e+ ho/ much he /ante+ .or it6 an the .eller sa0 t/o hun+rit +ollars6 but he /ill make me a +eal2 So I bought the ke0boar+ an the .eller even rigge+ u a stan+ on it so7s I coul+ la0 m0 harmonica harmonica too2 It +e.inatel0 +e.inatel0 imrove+ our oularit0 /ith the the eole2 B0 the en+ o. the ne5 /eek /e /as makin almost ten bucks a +a06 +a06 so I gone on back to the music sho an bought a set o. use+ +rums2 D.ter D.ter a .e/ +a0s ractice6 I got to /here I coul+ la0 them +rums rett0 goo+ too2 I chucke+ out the ole St0ro.oam co..ee cu an got a nice tin cu .or Sue to ass aroun an /e /as +oin rett0 goo+ .or oursel.s2 I /as la0in everthing .rom .rom =3he Night 3he0 rove Cle i5ie i5ie o/n= to =S/ing Lo6 S/eet hariot6= an+ I ha+ also .oun a roomin house that let ole Sue sta0 there6 an serve+ break.ast an suer too2 too2 Cne morning Sue an me is going to the ark /hen it starte+ to rain again2 Cne thing about Savannahit rains buckets ever other +a0 there6 or so it seems2 @e @e /as /alking +o/n the street in .ront o. a o..ice buil+ing /hen su++enl0 I seen something that looke+ vaguel0 .amiliar2 3here is a man in a business suit stan+ing on the si+e/alk /ith a unbrella an he is stan+in right in .ront o. a big lastic garbage bag2 Somebo+0 is un+er the garbage bag6 keein out o. the rain6 an all 0ou can see is a air o. han+s reachin out .rom un+er the bag6 shinin the shoes o. the man in the suit2 suit2 I gone acrost the street street an+ looke+ closer6 closer6 an lo an+ behol6 I can ;ust make out the little /heels o. one o. them +oll0/agons stickin out .rom un+er the bag too2 I /as so ha0 I coul+ o. ;ust about bust6 an I /ent u an tho/e+ the garbage bag o.. an sure enough6 it /as ole an hisse.6 shinin shoes .or a livin =,imme that bag back 0ou big oa.6= an sa06 sa06 =I7m gettin soakin /et out here2= 3hen he sa/ Sue2 =So 0ou .inall0 got marrie+6 huh>= an sa02 =It7s a he 6= I tole him2 =Aou remember.rom /hen I /ent to sace2= =Aou =Aou gonna shine m0 shoes6 or /hat>= sa0 the .eller in the suit2 =uck o..6= an sa0s6 =be.ore I che/ 0our soles in hal.2= 3he .eller6 he /alke+ a/a02 a/a02 =@hat 0ou +oin here6 an>= I a5e+2
=@hat +oes it look like I7m +oing>= he sa02 sa02 =I7ve become a ommunist2= =Aou mean like them /e /as .ightin in the /ar>= I a5e+2 =Nah6= sa0s he6 =them /as gook ommunists2 I7m a real ommunist*ar56 ommunist*ar56 Lennin6 3rotsk0all 3rotsk0all that bullshit2= =3hen /hat 0ou shinin shoes .or>= I sa02 =3o =3o shame the imerialist lacke0s6= he ans/ers2 =3he /a0 I got it .igure+6 nobo+0 /ith shine+ shoes is /orth a shit6 so the more shoes I shine6 the more I7ll sen+ to hell in a han+basket2= =@ell6 =@ell6 i. 0ou sa0 so6= I sa0s6 an then an tho/e+ +o/n his rag an /heel himsel. back un+er the a/nin to git outta the rain2 =D/e hell6 orrest6 I ain7t no +amne+ ommunist6= he sa02 =3he0 /oul+n7t /ant nobo+0 like me an0ho/6 /a0 I am2= =Sure the0 /oul+6 an6= I sa0s2 =Aou al/a0s tole me I coul+ be an0thin I /ante+ to be an +o an0thin I /ant to +oan so can 0ou2= =Aou still believin that shit>= he a5e+2 =I got to see -auel @elch @elch butt neckit6= I sa0s2 =-eall0>= an sa06 =/hat /as it like>=
@ell6 a.ter that6 an an Sue an me kin+a teame+ u2 an +i+n7t /ant to sta0 in the boar+in house6 so he sle outsi+e at night un+er un+er his garbage bag2 =Buil+s character6= character6= /as ho/ he ut it2
him u in6 an /hen it come his time to seak6 he rea+ them the entire book o. ,enesis an /as .i5in to +o some e5certs .rom Numbers /hen the0 turne+ o.. his mike an haule+ his ass a/a02 D.ter that6 he trie+ beggin .or a /ile6 but uit because it /as =un+igni.ie+2= I tole him about la0in chess /ith *ister 3ribble an about the srim bi+ness bein so success.ul an all6 an about runnin .or the ?nite+ States Senate6 but he seeme+ more intereste+ in -auel @elch2 =Aou think them tits o. hers are real>= he a5e+2
@e ha+ been in Savannah about a month6 I guess6 an /as +oin rett0 goo+2 I +one m0 oneman ban+ act an Sue collecte+ the mone0 an an shine+ eole7s shoes in the cro/+2 Cne +a0 a gu0 come .rom the ne/saer an took our itchers an ran them on the .ront age2 =erelicts Loitering in Public Park6= sa0s the cation2 Cne a.ternoon I7m settin there la0in an thinkin ma0be /e outta go on u to harleston /hen I notice a little bo0 stan+in right in .ront o. the +rums6 ;us starin at me2 I /as la0in =-i+in on the it0 o. Ne/ Crleans6= but the little .eller ke lookin at me6 not smilin or nothin6 but the0 /as somethin in his e0es that kin+a shine+ an glo/e+ an in a /ier+ /a0 remin+e+ me o. somethin2 Dn then I look u6 an stan+in there at the e+ge o. the cro/+ /as a la+06 an /hen I sa/ her6 I like to .ainte+2 Lo an behole6 it /as enn0 urran2 She +one got her hair u in rollers an she looke+ a bit ol+er6 too6 an sort o. tire+6 but it is enn0 all right2 I am so surrise+6 I blo/e+ a sour note on m0 harmonica b0 mistake6 but I .inishe+ the song6 an enn0 come u an take the little bo0 b0 the han2 = I a5e+2 =@e live here no/6= she sa02 =onal+ is assistant sales manager /ith some eole make roo.in tiles2 @e been here bout three 0ears no/2= ause I uit la0in6 the cro/+ +one +ri.te+ o.. an enn0 set +o/n on the bench ne5 to me2 3he little bo0 be .oolin aroun /ith Sue6 an Sue6 he +one starte+ turnin cart/heels
so7s the bo0 /oul+ laugh2 == enn0 a5e+2 =*ama /rote me 0ou ha+ starte+ a great big ole srim bi+ness +o/n at Ba0ou La Batre an /as a millionaire2= =It7s a long stor06= I sa0s2 =Aou +i+n7t get in trouble again6 +i+ 0ou6 orrest>= she sa02 =Noe6 not this time6= I sa0s2 = Aou +oin oka0>= =Ch6 I reckon I am6= she sa02 =I sose I got /hat I /ante+2= =3hat 0our little bo0>= I a5e+2 =Ae6= she sa06 =ain7t he cute>= =Shore is/hat 0ou call him>= =orrest2= =orrest>= I sa02 =Aou name him a.ter me>= =I ought to6= she sa0 sort o. uietl02 =D.ter all6 he7s ha. 0ours2= == =Aeah6 sort o.6= she sa02 =But look6 orrest6 can7t 0ou see
=Aou sure he7s mine>= I a5e+2 =Din7t no uestion o. it6= she sa02 == enn0 sa0s2 =@ell6 he +on7t kno/ bout 0ou2 Aou see6 I met him ;ust a.ter I le.t In+ianaolis2 Dn I /as bout to start sho/in an all6 an I +i+n7t kno/ /hat to +o2 = I a5e+2 =Sure6= enn0 sa06 an she call the little .eller over2 =orrest6= she sa0s6 =I /ant 0ou to meet another orrest2 = I kno/e+ right then that I +i+n7t have no i+iot .or a son2 =Aour mama sa0 0ou /ant to gro/ u to be a .ootball la0er6 or a astronaut6= I sa0s2 =I sure /oul+6= he sa02 =Aou kno/ an0thing about .ootball or astronauts>= =Ae6= I sa06 =a little bit6 but ma0be 0ou ought to a5e 0our +a++0 bout that2 I7m sure he kno/s a lot more than me2= 3hen he give me a hug2 It /eren7t a big hug6 but it /as enough2 =I /ant to la0 /ith Sue some more6= he sa06 an ;um +o/n .rom the bench6 an ole Sue6 he +one organiFe+ a game /here little orrest coul+ tho/ a coin into the tin cu an Sue /oul+ catch it in the air2 enn0 come over an set ne5 to me an sighe+6 an she at me on the leg2
=I can7t believe it sometimes6= she sa02 =@e7ve kno/e+ each other nearl0 thirt0 0ears no/ever since .irst gra+e2= 3he sun is shinin thru the trees6 right on enn07s .ace6 an the0 might o. been a tear in her e0es6 but it never come6 an 0et the0 is somethin there6 a heartbeat ma0be6 but I reall0 coul+n7t sa0 /hat it /as6 even tho I kno/e+ it /as there2 =I ;ust can7t believe it6 that7s all6= she sa06 an then she lean over an kiss me on the .orehea+2 =@hat7s that>= I a5e+2 =I+iots6= enn0 sa0s6 an her lis is tremblin2 =@ho ain7t a i+iot>= Dn then she is gone2 She got u an .etche+ little orrest an took him b0 the han an the0 /alke+ on o..2 Sue come over an set +o/n in .ront o. me an +ra/e+ a tictactoe thing in the +irt at m0 .eet2 I ut a J to the uer right corner6 an Sue ut a C in the mi++le6 an I kno/e+ right then an there ain7t nobo+0 gonna /in2
@ell6 a.ter that6 I +one a coule o. things2 irst6 I calle+ *ister 3ribble an tole him that an0thing I got comin in the srim bi+ness6 to give ten ercent o. m0 share to m0 mama an ten ercent to Bubba7s +a++06 an the rest6 sen+ it all to enn0 .or little orrest2 D.ter suer6 I set u all night thinkin6 altho that is not somethin I am sose+ to be articularl0 goo+ at2 But /hat I /as thinkin /as this: here I have +one .oun enn0 again a.ter all this time2 Dn she have got our son6 an ma0be6 someho/6 /e can .i5 things u2 But the more I think about this6 the more I .inall0 un+erstan it cannot /ork2 Dn+ also6 I cannot rightl0 blame it on m0 bein a i+iottho that /oul+ be nice2 Noe6 it is ;us one o. them things2 us the /a0 it is sometimes6 an besi+es6 /hen all is sai+ an +one6 I .igger the little bo0 be better o.. /ith enn0 an her husban+ to give him a goo+ home an raise him right so7s he /on7t have no eabrain .or a +a++02 @ell6 a .e/ +a0s later6 I gone on o.. /ith ole Sue an an2 @e /ent to harleston an then -ichmon+ an then Dtlanta an then hattanooga an then *emhis an then Nashville an .inall0 +o/n to Ne/ Crleans2 No/ the0 +on7t give a shit /hat 0ou +o in Ne/ Crleans6 an the three o. us is havin the time o. our li.es6 la0in ever +a0 in ackson Suare an /atchin the other .ruitcakes +o the0 thing2
