The Online Dating Bible By Eric Lercara
DatePerDaytm www.DatePerDay.com
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Table of Contents Part I. How to Have An Online Dating Profile That Gets You Dates
pg 4
Part II. The 24 Hidden Tricks of Online Dating
pg 26
Bonus: How To Handle The Early Stages of Dating
pg 44
Bonus: Online Dating Questionnaire
pg 51
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Part I. How to Have a Winning Dating Profile
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In an online profile you have anywhere from 2 to 5 paragraphs to convey that you are a high-value, desirable guy.
That’s not much.
But it’s a lot more than the approximately 5 seconds you have in person – the amount of time it takes for a girl to tell if you’re date-worthy or not.
When you think of it that way, 2 to 5 paragraphs isn’t bad. There’s a lot you can stuff in there.
The vast majority of guys do the absolute wrong thing with these 2 to 5 paragraphs. Most guys qualify themselves by talking about themselves.
You NEVER want to qualify yourself. This point is so important it bears repeating.
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NEVER qualify yourself.
If you’re not familiar with the term qualify, here’s a simple definition: to qualify means ‘to try to prove oneself to’. In this case, to an attractive girl. And online, it’s to a girl you’ve never met before.
In society, it is always the lower status person who tries to prove himself to the higher status person. For example, the person interviewing for a job tries to impress the boss, the younger person tries to impress the older person, and the child tries to get the approval of the parent.
With women, you never want to be in the lower status position. As soon as you put yourself in that position, the woman will almost never feel attracted to you. But that’s a much wider topic that’s already been covered elsewhere.
For our purposes, the point to remember is that you never want to qualify yourself in an online profile. If you’ll bear with me for a little 6
theory, I’ll show you how not to do that. And, then I’ll show you what to do.
Decoding Attraction
Women have a powerful decoding mechanism. It is almost like they can decipher a guy’s entire being through the way he expresses himself. Just by reading few sentences, they are able to tell if a guy is high status or not (they can also tell if he’s confident, funny, interesting, or none of the above.)
Conveying high value in an online profile is essential. Most guys instinctively know this, so they brag a little bit. They play up their material possessions, graduate degrees, and other symbols of status. Bragging is a TERRIBLE way to show high status.
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The problem is that in ‘girl language’, bragging equates to qualifying. She knows you’re trying to impress her, and for that reason, it won’t.
(You also can’t try to be humble and downplay yourself. That conveys low self-esteem, which is the ABSOLUTE WORST thing you can do.)
I’ve found that you have to convey high value – not just claim it for yourself. The way to do that is by expressing yourself, rather than talking about, or bragging about, yourself.
On the next page are some examples of talking about yourself versus expressing yourself.
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Talking about yourself
Expressing yourself
“I’m adventurous”
“There’s this amazing beach in …......Hawaii I love to go to when I have the time.”
“I work out a lot”
“The gym is my after-work refuge.”
Whenever you talk about yourself, it registers in the female brain that you are qualifying yourself. It is the same online as it is in real life. In real life, a guy who analyzes himself almost always loses attraction with a woman. Imagine a guy going up to a girl and talking about how much
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money he has. It doesn’t work! Whenever you try to impress a girl, it has the opposite effect. It is no different on online dating sites. The reason so many guys fail to get this point is probably because the way the system is set up. It’s called ‘About Me’, it makes sense guys think they should talk about themselves.
Well, most guys are unfortunately wrong. The good thing is, there is really no competition out there once you know what you are doing. If you read through guys’ online profiles like I suggested, you saw that most guys do nothing but write about themselves.
There is an alternative. The alternative is to express yourself in an interesting way. It’s the same as in a conversation at a bar or on a date. The worst conversations are ‘interviews’ – where you take turns sharing your life stories, where you are from, what you do, etc. Whenever you get into ‘interview mode’ when with a women, then forget it. She will lose interest fast. 10
What makes a conversation interesting? The personality you convey. The stories you tell. The opinions you express. These are what invite a woman into your world and let her catch a glimpse of the mystery of who you are. It sounds cheesy, but that is what women get off on.
The next problem is not having unique opinions and impressions of the world. The solution to that is to sit down and think about it. There is a simple exercise below that will help with that. Everybody has a unique way of seeing the world. If expressing opinions is difficult for you, practice doing it more often. When you walk around the street, take notice of things that you like and that you don’t like. When you read a magazine or watch a movie, think about how it affects you and verbalize it. As you do this on a regular basis, it will become easier and more natural.
Another benefit of having strong opinions is that it conveys strength. Women want a strong man – physical strength doesn’t matter. They want a man who is internally validated. That means he does not seek the 11
approval of others. The simplest way internal validation shows through is when somebody conveys a strong opinion – one that others may disagree with.
For example, suppose you are in a room full of cat lovers, and you prefer dogs. Saying so would put you out there on the edge, risking your status in the peer group. You must have some strength to be able to do that; most people would be afraid to be cast out of the group.
Expression opinions in an online profile has the same effect. If you say, “I like McDonalds hamburgers,” for God’s sakes, how many women out there fuss over their health! Actually, you can go far with something like this, because it is so obvious you are NOT trying to impress a woman, that it actually will impress her. Most guys try way too hard to impress.
You’ll find that when you fearlessly express yourself, women will try to impress you with similar acts of conversational bravado. That is because they want to show that they can also go against the grain. 12
Other times they will just agree with you, which is their way of building rapport with you (trying to get you to like them). Don’t make fun of them for this; it is a good thing and you don’t want to discourage it. You can reward them: (“I’m glad you have good taste.”) Or better yet, just play it cool like you are used to having people agree with you.
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Opinion Forming Exercise:
To come up with ways to express yourself, first write down 5 things you really like to do. 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)
Next, write down 5 opinions you have that are unique to you. 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)
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Next, write down 5 unique things that annoy you. 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)
Use the more interesting, unique, or funny ones to write your profile.
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Sample Profiles with Commentary
Talking about yourself (Weak):
“According to my friends I am a fun, understanding, laid-back guy who is always down for a good time. I like to lay on the sarcasm and it really doesn't take much to make me laugh – a Judd Apatow movie and good company are more than enough to do the trick. If you really want to get me pumped on another level though, you should challenge me to an 80's rock ballad sing and dance-off.”
• First off, he doesn’t even own his own profile. He puts the responsibility on his ‘friends,’ which is strange. Did he really ask his friends?
• “Fun, understanding, and laid-back” are clichés. Worse, they are things women say they want in a man, so it sounds like he is trying to impress women – qualifying himself.
• “It doesn’t take much to make me laugh” make him seem easy to please. Women want a challenge. High status guys are hard to please because they have tons of women trying to please them. This statement lowers his value considerably.
• The last sentence is an attempt at a challenge, but really it makes him seem like a dancing monkey. Like all she has to do is say a few words and he will jump around for her.
Versus
Expressing yourself (Strong):
“I believe red wine goes better with fish. Harry Potter was a travesty that young minds shouldn't be subjected to. I want be back in Poipu beach watching the sun set with a cold beer in my hand. My morning workout gives me energy all day. My nephew thinks my face is a chew toy, but I tolerate him... family is family.”
• The first sentence is unique and interesting. There is no awkward introduction, he just jumps into his opinions. That’s a bold statement right there. • The first sentence goes against the mold. Most people say white wine is better with fish. So he has his own style, very attractive to women. • Also, the first sentence conveys class and culture. • The second sentence is also bold and goes against the grain. It is also humorous. • The third sentence conveys adventurousness and some degree of success. • The fourth sentence conveys physical strength and vitality. • The fifth sentence conveys humor.
Mystery
Girls crave mystery. The more you say about yourself the less mystery there is. When you express an opinion, it lets her catch a glimpse into your world, making her want more. You may not feel like there is a lot more to you, but women will build up a fantasy about the guys they like. Nothing kills attraction like talking about yourself, destroying the mystery.
Humor
All women love to laugh. If you can make her laugh, chances are she’ll want to go on a date with you.
The key with a hilarious profile is to keep it consistent. If you’re going to say something sarcastic, she has to know it is sarcasm. If the rest of
your profile is serious, one sarcastic statement will probably be construed as serious as well, and she might think you’re a little off.
Say a bunch of outlandish things, and she’ll get your sarcasm.
Note: Never use self-deprecating humor.
Hilarious strategies:
1. Make ridiculous demands of your dates
a. E.g. You must have played a competitive sport in high school. Note – cheerleading is not a competitive sport but it gets an honorable mention.
b. You must be willing to die for me, better yet, kill for me – bonus if you know how to hide a body.
c. E.g. You must know how to sing “Use Somebody” in three languages
2. Use the element of surprise
a. Make stream of consciousness statements that don’t follow a logical order: “I like the brief periods when it is raining and sunny at the same time. I like pop rocks. Eddie Vedder can suck my balls…”
b. Women respond better to nonsense like this because it deactivates the logical portion of their brain.
Screeners Screeners are statements designed to find the particular kind of women you want. Just as if you were fishing, you wouldn’t want to cast your net so wide that you catch dolphins as well as tuna. If you only want tuna,
you’ll want to cast the right net. Screener statements let you get only what you’re looking for. An example of a screener is a statement like, “I love a woman who is comfortable in her soft skin.” This kind of statement hopefully would screen out prudish and insecure types. You don’t want to go overboard and list the things you don’t want in a women. That conveys emotional baggage and makes you appear overly judgmental. Many guys make this mistake thinking it makes them appear strong. It only hurts them in the long run.
Self-Respect The way you talk about yourself says a lot about you. Do you ever use self-deprecating humor or put yourself down? In that case, you would greatly diminish your chance of meeting a psychologically healthy woman. On the contrary, if you write in a style that is active and confident, and exhibits high self-regard, women will want to get to know what is so special about you. If you show respect for yourself, then it follows that you are worthy of respect. I believe there is a secret,
universal law: a woman cannot be attracted to a man she does not respect.
Scarcity One of the most important marketing principles is scarcity. If you offer me a BMW for $20,000, I might buy it. If you say that tomorrow the price will double, then I will be far more likely to buy it. The fear of losing the BMW, at that price, would add urgency to my decision. In the same way, you should create urgency in your profile by using scarcity. If a woman feels you might be snatched up, then she will be more inclined to chase you. By presenting yourself as the prize, you create a similar effect as the BMW in the example. You convey scarcity by showing your selective taste. Someone who is selective must have options, or at least that is how the brain perceives it.
Rewards On a deep level, women want to feel that you will reward them for their good qualities. They want to know that you find them sexy, attractive,
smart, or whatever quality you see in her that you like. I believe women secretly crave to be complimented often on their feminine qualities. A reward is the like the opposite of the screening statement. You’re trying to let the woman know that if she fits into your criteria, she will be rewarded and made to feel special. There are subtle ways to plant rewards into your profile. The above example of ‘soft skin’ is one such way. When you show you have selective taste, she will try to qualify herself to you. When she does that, reward her.
So, to create mystery and humor, and ultimately attraction, and to stand out from all the guys who talk about themselves, follow the formula outlined above.
Part II The 24 Hidden Tricks of Online Dating
Online game can be tricky. My hypothesis as to fundamentally why this is so: Because the competition is so high. Most guys don’t have the balls to cold approach, but online, even the shyest, most socially inept guy can craft an e-mail to make himself seem socially competent. Attractive girls are so overly bombarded with messages that they get exceptionally picky. Bad photos? Next. Bad grammar? Next. Under 5’10”? Next. Girls can be incredibly fickle and superficial with online game.
Here is a list of things I have done that have helped me get this down.
1) Read 30 guys profiles in succession. Notice common features and be sure not to write that. •
Do not say that you like travel. Everybody likes travel and for some reason everybody feels the need to write that.
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Do not say that you like new things. Everybody likes new things.
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Do not say that you like to have fun and laugh. Everybody likes to have fun and laugh. I’m sure you get the picture.
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At the same time, you can say things like “I went spelunking in Sudan once.” This implies a love of travel, yet it is a cool story and avoids using the boring word sequence that triggers a girl to move to the next profile.
2) Create a fake girl profile of the type of girl you will be going for and see what messages guys send. •
I received 10 emails in the first 48 hrs the fake profile was up. I got the first after posting the hot photo, but before I even added any text.
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Most guys send lame one-liners.
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Most guys use the subject line Hey or No Subject.
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Most guys comment about something obvious on her profile.
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Most guys try to agree with something she says on her profile.
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Most guys come off boring or nice.
3) Pony up for a match.com profile if you want to get the highest quality girls •
OKCupid is pretty good but just haven’t seen the large number of quality chicks like with match.
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eHarmony seems to just have girls that want to get married.
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Try a niche site like Jdate or Ashley Madison. These are advantageous because there are people who come together for a common reason. It’s like if you are part of a Tennis team – everyone is more likely to bond because they have similar interests, than say at a bar.
4) Do not spend a huge amount of time e-mailing girls, rather, spend a lot of time making your profile ridiculously good and let them e-mail you. •
Your profile is like a painting that you can continue to add to and modify. Continuously tweak and see how it affects your view to contact ratio.
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If you do e-mail the woman, at least make it look like a customized e-mail you put some thought into. 1-2 paragraphs. About 70% of messages my fake girl received were one-liners.
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I have had 10’s e-mail me. I even had a porn star e-mail me. Put the time in to make a fun, awesome, unique profile.
5) Check your profile and ALL photos you post on your profile with trusted girls or a female professional at DatePerDay. •
If there is even one bad photo of you, girls will assume that is the accurate one and the others just caught your best angle.
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Keep tweaking until female friends say, “haha, omg, that’s great!”
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Go to ModelMayhem and get a photographer to take pictures of you ‘time for print.’ That means FREE.
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Practice smiling in front of the mirror until you get a cocky, confident smile. Google images of Paul Newman, for example.
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Wear a suit in one of your pictures. It is hard not to look puttogether in a decent suit.
6) Be cocky/funny, with fairly high energy level in your profile •
I listed a set of “commandments” of what the girl must be like to talk to me. This was both funny and sets the frame of me as the chooser.
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Don’t be afraid to come off as an asshole, even if it is not ‘you’. The dating profile is an opportunity to explore different parts of your personality. There’s nothing wrong with exploring the ‘asshole’ side of you, in fact, most guys should.
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If you’re looking for casual sex, don’t deny it.
7) If someone hot looks at your profile but doesn’t wink or message, send them a message playfully accusing them of stalking you. They always respond.
• If she winks at you, say: “I saw you winked at me; not a bad move.”
8) Don’t message them very long before you meet up. •
Going beyond 2-3 emails is dangerous – high flake rate at that point. You lose your new car shine and girls just stop responding.
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I’ve had many times where a girl messages me (you’d think it would be a cake walk), and I still messaged them too long and lost it. Don’t let it happen to you.
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While the flake rate off a number close at a bar can be high, I’ve found the online flake when you schedule a meet is very low.
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This line is magic for me: “I find that you learn more about your chemistry with a person after 3 minutes talking than days e-mailing back and forth. Let’s meet sometime this week at [public place], so if you turn out to be crazy I can turn and talk to someone else. :-)"
9) Tease and bust on them, but going too cocky doesn’t work very well. •
At the same time, almost all messages girls receive are guys talking about commonalities, being sweet and inquisitive. Bust on their profile to stand out.
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Your profile should be cocky, but when you talk to them online you have to be laid-back. She can’t see you smiling so don’t be too cocky. It will scare her off.
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It’s the same old thing; being a little bit of a jerk is good, but being too much of a jerk will get you blown out.
10) Don’t comment on the obvious things in their profile. •
I made my fake girl a photographer and about 70% of the messages I got said, “what kind of photography do you do?” Find a subtle and funny way to bust on them.
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Don’t be too curious about them. Too many guys simply ask questions.
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I never mention anything on their profile. Assume that it’s all B.S. anyway because she’s just trying to attract a guy.
11) Keep an eye out for profiles with no photos. •
Very hot girls will sometimes pull their photos in frustration with the volume of stupid messages they are receiving.
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The advantage of messaging a no-photo profile is that you are very likely to get a response. The disadvantage is that this is playing minesweeper – she might look like Regis Philbin. Look for subtle hints that she is a hottie, not a Regis.
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The longer you can go without asking for a photo, the more she will think you are building a genuine connection.
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I bagged a cute girl two weeks ago doing this.
12) Always pick something light and very public as your first meet up. •
Coffee is a good default. I've found a beer can put them into bar protection shield mode.
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Better to pick something public, but fun or adventuresome. Drag queen brunch on Sunday, a bike ride along a very popular trail, eating at some unique gelato joint, etc.
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It needs to be public for her feeling of safety (though you joke the reason is so you can easily bail if she is weird). A girl once suggested I watch the sunrise over the potomac, so I said, "how about we watch the sunrise over the potomac for our first meet?" Negatron. Meeting a guy for the first time in a dark park is a bad idea.
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Don’t bust your wallet on a girl you don’t even know you like. She’ll respect that. If you try to wow her with a fancy dinner, she’ll lose respect for you.
13) Float your location if things slow down •
A lot of girls only search fairly close to where they live. If you are cool and they see you are close, they will message you.
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I switched my location from DC to northern VA and got a new flurry of new messages. You might change your location from Bethesda, to Arlington, to D.C. every couple weeks to keep the
messages coming in. You can say that you just moved away from that place when you meet, but haven’t yet updated your profile. 14) If you are short, lie a little •
I haven’t had to deal with this, but one guy I know put in his profile that he was 2 inches taller than he really was and it wasn’t a big deal. Girls can be picky online so being short can mean instant dismissal. When you meet in person, she probably won’t notice, but if she does, just laugh it off and you should be fine.
15) While having them message you is ideal, if you are messaging them, getting a response is 90% of the battle •
If a girl responds to your message, she is either automatically ready to meet, or pretty close, you just need to demonstrate some value, show humor and propose a meet.
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Remember: bust on their profile in a subtle way. E.g. message of mine yesterday that got a positive response from a girl who OKCupid reports replies “very selectively”: “What is the religion
of ‘other’ - I haven't heard of that one. :-) I'm making my own religion. It's official. But nobody else can join. It is part hindu karma, part Xenu, part Zoroaster, and part Joe Pesci.”
16) Finally, this bears repeating: DON’T LOSE YOUR NEW CAR SMELL •
You will eventually figure out when it is appropriate to ask to meet up, but generally speaking the sooner the better.
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When I started I would play the question game for 6-8 emails with her online While this went OK it was totally unnecessary and I lost a lot of girls. They just stop responding at some point.
17) Go for girls who have recently joined (often sites will say "new" next to their profiles). •
They always go on a dating splurge and they are usually more open sexually during this period. After a while, they are dating a guy or
two casually, so they date/message new guys more rarely, but leave their profile up in case the man of their dreams messages them. It becomes harder to get their attention the longer they have been on. •
Girls are more likely to be in this category with the free sites like OKCupid, since it doesn't cost them anything to keep the profile up. It still happens with Match, however.
18) Calibrate the message HEAVILY based upon the profile you see. •
In this game we are often trying to find things to say that would generate a positive response with basically any girl that you approach. But in online game, you have the advantage of learning a lot about her before you say anything. But ALL guys have the same leg up, so she is more discriminating about what the first message must contain to warrant a response. Unlike a good general indirect opener in night game, even a hint of mass-emailed message and you will get wood (not the good kind). Read her profile carefully to strategize about the message you send.
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One general calibration rule of thumb, however: just like in the club, generally MATCH OR SLIGHTLY EXCEED HER ENERGY and fun level. If the profile makes her seem kinda boring, GREATLY exceed her energy level (without being spastic).
19) Leave bait in the message. •
You may have heard of ‘Peacocking’. Peacocking in night game serves the function of giving a girl attracted to you something easy to comment on if she is going to open you. The hardest thing to do online is to get them to respond the first time. So leave several items of irresistible bait for them when cold messaging. Typically it is ideal to dump 3-5 things that I imagine they would just be itching to respond to.
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Often this amounts to me commenting on things we have in common, but you just have to be careful not to use boring word
sequences she is likely to have heard before. So don't say, "oh my Gosh we have so much in common! 1) we've both been to Africa, 2) we both like the new york times..." A lot of guys list commonalities explicitly like that so it’s harder to stand out. Instead, say, "I remember the first time I went to Africa. I was on a motorcycle in Kruger Park and an elephant chased me at one point! I saw on National Geographic that the elephant will stop if you stand your ground, but f that - I wasn't going to test that theory!" This is saying in a sense that you both have Africa travel in common, but in a much more interesting way that she will be dying to comment on.
20) Communicate Non-neediness • Act as if you’re an attractive guy that has plenty of options, even if you aren’t yet. • Wait a couple days to call once you get her number. • Always try to have several girls you are talking to at the same time.
• This is big: don’t wait to message a particular girl until you can think of the ‘perfect’ thing to say. No girl is worth putting on a pedestal like that, especially before you even met. Just treat all girls equally.
21) Getting laid on the first meet up is pretty common. •
One guy asked me: "Are girls online down to have sex? It seems like they would only be into serious relationships." YES THEY ARE, WITHOUT ANY DOUBT!!!
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It is truly the ideal situation. She has no friends to cockblock. Also you have a lot of information about her before you even open your mouth. Long and short of it - if you can get her sexually in state, you are in on the first or second date.
22) Pick a meetup where you can venue change easily •
This is simply GOOD LOGISTICS - e.g. I'll meet someone at a cafe for some Chinese dumplings, but if things are going well, I'll
say "hey, you seem pretty cool. Let's grab a beer next door. You down?" They almost always say yes. You can't do this if you meet up at a place that is out by itself. You can't do this if you are meeting them on their business lunch. Meet them in the evening. •
You don’t have to date on Friday or Saturday. Thursday night is often better.. Friday/Saturday night dates seem to be more serious. Plus their friends are more likely to hear about it since they are trying to get her to hang out. For the first date I would rather the friends not have any idea I exist. The more removed you are from her social network, the greater the opportunities for the evening.
23) If they message you, how long do you wait to respond? • I usually wait 1 day. •
I have waited up to a week a couple times, and it is generally difficult to get things going again. Girls will only maintain a backand-forth with a couple guys at once. If they have an opening and
message you, your slot will be filled again by some other guy if you don't respond relatively quickly. •
One day is definitely not a hard rule. If I message her and she responds within an hour, I will respond within an hour as well (this is called Mirroring). She is really receptive and I want to keep her energy level up. I might even try to meet up with her that night.
24) The Makeout Challenge •
I try to mention in the date is that "being a good kisser is a huge deal for me. Being a bad kisser is a dealbreaker in my book." This essentially sets up a challenge for her to make out with me like a porn star. She always does.
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Always try to set up challenges to take her in the direction you want.
Special Bonus:
How to Handle the Early Stages of Dating
-Eric Lercara
Something seems to happen to a few weeks into a relationship with a woman, especially when the man has a lot of power in the relationship. This problem has been on my mind lately so I’ll try to break it down. It tends to happen when the guy has the power and enjoys having the power. Personally, I find a relationship is only healthy when the man has the power, although saying so would be considered sexist today.
Does this scenario sound familiar? The relationship is a few weeks in. So far, you’ve been calling the shots and the girl seems to love it. She invests more than you do, she lets you have your way, and she gives you plenty of sex, without demanding fancy dinners or romantic evenings alone in return. You may even convince her to let you see other girls. That’s how in control you are.
Keep in mind, this type of relationship only exists for players. The vast majority of guys will never be able to pull this off…
When you have this level of control – where she is enamored with you and is falling fast – you may start to get addicted to this feeling. In a sense, you even start to become a slave to the feeling of being in control. Now at this point her feminine power will kick in to high gear. She pulls back, and tests your control. Feminine power isn’t really power, but it is in the sense that will try to throw you off your course and make you insecure – to test your strength. Feminine power is almost like a form of anticontrol. She simultaneously wants to be controlled by a man, and doesn’t want to be controlled.
This is a paradox that really can’t be solved.
So at some point you start to seek out more control. It is at just this point that you started to lose control. And at the same time, she starts to sense that. Don’t ask me how – women are just good at that. This is where she starts to pull away. She stops complying to your requests, stops being so available, and gives you more tests.
Guys who aren’t players make the crucial mistake here: They think she wants control, so they give it to her completely. That is the absolute wrong thing to do. She will seem happy at first, as it will gratify a part of her, but the part of her that feels sexual towards you will be disappointed.
There is one solution that seems to be the best. (Women will never be ‘solved’ completely – they defy logic). The solution is to just let go. To just stop trying to have so much control – for a
moment. The tendency towards control can go overboard, to the point where it is insecurity masquerading as control. The more you seek it out, the more she resists. If she is no longer complying with your requests, it could be because she senses some insecurity in you. When you didn’t have that insecurity – when you knew without a doubt that she was yours – you were more attractive to her.
Another paradox is that she won’t feel attraction to you unless you have control. If you give up control to her, she’ll lose interest immediately. This is sadly where most marriages end up – with the women having the control, but lacking any sexual interest in their husbands. The paradox is that if you stop trying to have control, you actually gain more of it. But you have to work to maintain it.
If you feel yourself needing control, it is a good sign you are insecure about your level of control. At this point, it is time to stop what you are doing. If you are texting her more than normal, stop. If you are calling her instead of texting, revert back to texting. And especially – if she starts to call the shots and tell you what she wants to do: don’t give in. It’s a test. Take control back. You may want to ignore her for a while and get your mind on other women if that helps. She may never say it, but on a deep level that is what she needs to feel attraction for you. She needs to sense that you are capable of going out and finding a woman whenever you want.
Recommended Reading for Long-term Success with Women The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida Mode One, by Alan Roger Currie Radical Honesty, by Brad Blanton, Ph.D. My Secret Garden, by Nancy Friday Be Relentless, by David X King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, by Robert Moore and Douglass Gilette Please Understand Me, by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates Social Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman Influence, by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D. The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle Why Him Why Her, by Helen Fisher
Special Bonus Profile Write Questionnaire DatePerDay ™
The more thoroughly you fill this out, the better your profile will be. 1. If you were to write an online profile, would you most rather write in a (pick one) PASSIONATE WAY e.g. stating your beliefs in a strong, passionate way that appeals to women A COCKY AND HUMOROUS WAY e.g. coming across as a funny, alpha guy through bombastic humor 2. What top three qualities/traits do you look for in a girl (e.g. friendly, athletic, etc.)?
3. Describe your target woman. What type is she? (Think: extraverted, party
girl; career woman; artsy, indie girl; introverted, bookish girl, etc)
4. What’s the age range for your target women?
5. Pick three of the following positive qualities that best describe you (as you currently are, or as you want to portray yourself): Adventurous Confident Unpredictable
Stable
Dominant
Protective/Caring
Direct Edgy
Persuasive Provider
Daring
6. What do you like to do in your free time?
7. What are some of your favorite places?
6. Take a minute and list 5 things that you really like. (e.g. pink sunsets, minor league baseball, black Ferraris, Rome, the natural history museum, SoCo and lime, etc). The more unique and personal, the better.
7. Take another minute and list 5 things you hate or that annoy you. The more unique and interesting, the better. Be bold in this one. Don’t worry if a potential mate might disagree with some of these.
8. List 5 hobbies/skills you have that you feel make you attractive to women. You might want to subtly hint about these in your profile (e.g. lifting weights, ability to cook, great job, cool friends, well-traveled, nice car, welleducated, good taste in music, creative, etc.)
9. List 5 hobbies/skills that a girl would have that would make her attractive to you (e.g. plays soccer, dances, plays chess, etc.) Be as choosy as you want here.
10.(For match.com) What books do you read, what was the last book you read, or magazine, etc.?
Complete this questionnaire and send it to
[email protected]. Put ‘Re:Online Dating Bible’ in the Subject line and you will receive a 15% discount off your purchase of a profile rewrite.
