R-I-C-K SPELLS DISASTER
Written by Nick Adams
A Rick and Morty spec script
Address Phone Number
INT. MORTY’S BEDROOM - 3AM RICK quietly opens the door to Morty’s pitch black room. Rick tiptoes over to the bed where MORTY is sleeping and knocks over a shelf along the way. Morty jumps awake and hits a light. MORTY Rick! What are you doing? three in the morning!.
It’s
RICK There’s no time to explain, Morty. I need your help. MORTY Did you ever think that I might have plans for a change? Rick fiddles with a gadget. RICK What’d you say, Morty? MORTY I have plans, Rick! The school spelling bee is tomorrow and I have to be there. I shouldn’t even be awake right now! RICK Morty, Morty, Morty. Listen to me. I give you my word you will not miss that stupid spelling bee. MORTY (annoyed) Rick! Morty buries himself in his covers. RICK Great! Come on Morty, we’re wasting time. Rick exits, Morty gets out of bed, grabs a dictionary off his desk and follows. INT. RICKS GARAGE LABORATORY - MORNING Rick and Morty enter the garage. Rick’s flying car is covered with dead meegull carcasses.
2.
RICK My friend Birdperson had a birthday bonanza on planet Zeptron last night. He didn’t want to tell me until after I got there that it’s meegull migrating season. MORTY What’s a meegull? RICK You’re looking at it Morty. One meegull is still holding onto life, screaming in agony on Rick’s windshield. RICK (CONT’D) It’s like a bird and a crab had a baby, and that baby was a hairless freak that flies around eating garbage and crapping on your car. Morty pets the dying meegull. MORTY Hey, they’re kinda cute. RICK Don’t let them fool you, Morty. They’re bastards. All of them. And a pain in the ass to get off my windshield. MORTY Can’t you just squeegie it off or something? That’s what my dad does when bugs get on his car. RICK I wish it were that simple, Morty. But Meegull blood is thick, and there’s only one thing that’ll get it off. MORTY Oh god, Rick. Not again. Morty starts to unzip his pants.
3. RICK No, Morty! I need windshield wiper fluid. But a special kind from a special place on planet Zeptron. It’s the only thing that can dissolve all these dead meegulls. MORTY So we just need to go to Zeptron and get the fluid? RICK Precisely, Morty. MORTY And you’re sure we’ll make it back for the spelling bee? RICK Do I look like a liar, Morty? (beat) Now come on before the rest of this meegull blood hardens. Rick opens a portal. Both him and Morty climb in the flying car and they take off to another planet. INT. DINING ROOM - MORNING JERRY, BETH and SUMMER eat breakfast at the table in silence. Beat Jerry sets his fork down and looks up. MORTY! ready!
JERRY Get down here, breakfast is
SUMMER I don’t think he’s here, Dad. JERRY Where else would he be, huh? SUMMER I think I heard grandpa wake him up really early this morning. JERRY Well...fine. More bacon for me then.
4. Jerry takes the bacon off Morty’s plate. BETH I don’t mind them spending time together, I just wish they’d let us know when they were leaving... JERRY When has your father ever been one to let us know anything? Oh, like the time when he showed up at our door and let us know he was moving in? BETH Jerry! Can we not start right now? It’s my one day off with no obligations, I don’t want to spend it arguing. JERRY No obligations?! Hunny! forget what today is?
Did you
Beth and Summer stare at Jerry. JERRY (CONT’D) It’s our annual spring cleaning! SUMMER I’m not wasting my Saturday doing that. JERRY Ah, Summer. Sometimes you have to spend a day off doing things you don’t wanna do. BETH Jerry, that’s what Sundays are for. JERRY Not this time! We’ll start on the inside, work our way out and finish with the Christmas lights. Who’s ready for some fun?! Summer and Beth look down at their plates and play with their food silently.
5. INT. RICK’S FLYING CAR ON ZEPTRON - MORNING Rick and Morty fly in the car covered with meeguls. flips through a dictionary.
Morty
RICK So there’s this big flea market here. Real big. And they sell anything you could ever want. Anything?
MORTY
RICK Anything, Morty. We just have to find the guy with the fluid. MORTY So just a quick in and out, right? RICK It’s not that simple, Morty. Did I mention this is a big flea market? Yeah...
MORTY
RICK Okay, because this thing is huge. First we have to find the guy that sells the fluid. Then we’ll have to stop at the food court... MORTY Rick, the spelling bee... RICK Relax, Morty. This place is known for their meat bags. You can’t stop here and not get one. Remember, you have my word. Okay...
MORTY
INT. LIVING ROOM - MORNING Beth sits on the couch watching TV. Summer plays a game on her phone. Jerry enters wearing a smock, rubber gloves and a bandana tied on his head and carries a feather duster.
6. JERRY Let’s go party people, these tables aren’t going to dust themselves! Jerry lifts Beth’s legs off the table to dust under them. BETH Jerry, it’s really not that bad. JERRY We must be looking inside two different houses, Beth. Here, why don’t you finish the dusting. Jerry hands Beth the duster. JERRY (CONT’D) Summer, you go grab the broom and sweep out the fire place. Hm?
SUMMER
JERRY Get the broom. Summer plays on her phone. JERRY (CONT’D) Now, Summer! Summer stands up, still looking at her phone and doesn’t move. JERRY (CONT’D) I’ll clean the TV. Jerry sprays the TV down and starts wiping. from the couch. Jerry!
Beth watches
BETH I’m watching that!
JERRY When you should be cleaning! We can all relax when we’re done. Now come on gang! Summer types away on her phone. onto the floor.
Beth slithers off the couch
7. EXT. PARKING LOT - AFTERNOON Rick and Morty exit the car in a packed parking lot. A meegull still screams in agony on the car. Species and races of all shapes and sizes walk towards a sleazy, tent city looking flea market. INT. FLEA MARKET - AFTERNOON Rick and Morty walk through the flea market. Signs and products and foods hang everywhere. ALIEN VENDOR 1 Tired of dumping out all of your vacuumed garbage? With my new patented Vacuum Eater, we turn your dust into dinner! Alien Vendor 1 holds up a hamburger made out of dust bunnies. Rick and Morty keep walking. They pass a booth with an Ewok signing autographs. MORTY Whoa, grandpa Rick. Ewok?
Is that an
RICK No Morty, it’s the animal George Lucas based the Ewoks off of. Ever since the movie came out these guys think they can make money selling autographs. MORTY Can I get an autograph? Rick points to a sign reading “Autographs” with an unintelligible symbol for money. RICK For that price? You’re better off getting one from an actor at a convention, Morty. Besides, we’d just be fueling their crippling drug habit, and you know how I feel about those. They continue walking. Morty sees a booth with hanging crystals and approaches it. MORTY Whoa, what are these for?
8. ALIEN VENDOR 2 (whispers) Decorationssssssss. MORTY There’s no mystical power or nothing? ALIEN VENDOR 2 Light goes innnnnn. Rainbows come outttttt. MORTY That’s kinda cool... ALIEN VENDOR 2 You wanna buy some shroomsssssss? Uh...Rick!
MORTY
Morty runs back to join Rick.
EXT. BACKYARD - AFTERNOON Jerry kills the lawn mower, wipes sweat off his brow and admires his fresh cut grass. JERRY Now that’s a mowed lawn. weed eating, girls?
How’s the
Summer and Beth are relaxed in lawn chairs. Summer tans and texts.
Beth drinks,
BETH We ate them all. Jerry notices the garden is still overgrown with weeds. JERRY You didn’t eat a single one! You guys, I’m not asking for much. Haven’t you heard many hands make light work? SUMMER Oh yeah, Dad. You still have to take the Christmas lights down.
9. JERRY WE still have to take the Christmas lights down. In fact, why don’t you grab the ladder, Summer. Ugh!
SUMMER
JERRY Now, Summer! Summer stands up from her chair, stares at her phone and doesn’t move. INT. FLEA MARKET FOOD COURT - AFTERNOON Rick and Morty sit at a table sucking meat from baggies. They are surrounded by bags of items they’ve purchased. MORTY You were right, Rick. They really do have, you know, anything you could want. RICK Why do you ever doubt me, Morty? MORTY Hey, so I guess we can head back so I can get to that spelling be now, huh? RICK Not so fast, Morty. Sure we’ve got a lot of really really great stuff, but we don’t have the one thing we came for. MORTY Ah Rick! Okay, but hurry up. I think we’ve spent enough time here. RICK Okay Morty, last stop. INT. FLEA MARKET - AFTERNOON Rick and Morty stand outside a booth while holding all of their purchased items. An ALIEN stands behind the counter.
10. RICK Good afternoon, sir. I’d like one bottle of your meegle removing wiper fluid. ALIEN (alien noises) RICK Migrating season, am I right? ALIEN (alien noises) Rick hands the alien a credit card to swipe. ALIEN (CONT’D) (alien noises) RICK What do you mean “funds not available?” I’ve been using the card all day. ALIEN (alien noises) Mhmm.
RICK
ALIEN (alien noises) Right...
RICK
ALIEN (alien noises) Okay...
RICK
MORTY What’s he saying, Rick? RICK Quiet, Morty! ALIEN (alien noises) RICK What about Zop coins?
11. ALIEN (alien noises) RICK You’re killing me here! you call yourself a businesscreature?
What?
And
ALIEN (alien noises) RICK Okay, Morty. Let’s go. MORTY But what about the washer fluid? They start walking RICK Not here, Morty. Apparently intergalactic credit cards have a limit and I’ve reached mine. MORTY What are we gonna do? RICK Relax, Morty. That thing told me there’s a place not too far from here that has all the washer fluid you could want...for free. MORTY Oh god, Rick. Can we come back and get it another time? The spelling bee starts in two hours! RICK And have those dead meegles ruin my new paint job? I don’t think so, Morty. We came all the way here, we’re not leaving without that washer fluid. MORTY Fine, Rick. Let’s just get this done already.
12. EXT. ROOF - AFTERNOON Jerry climbs up a ladder onto the roof. Summer and Beth are laying, relaxed among Santa and reindeer ornaments. Summer tans and texts, Beth drinks. JERRY Really, guys? BETH We’re here, Jerry. you want us to do?
What else do
JERRY Anything, Beth. I just want you to help me out. Summer! You too! Summer stands up, still texting and doesn’t move. Summer kicks the Santa ornament off the roof and lays back down. JERRY (CONT’D) It’s a start... SUMMER How come Morty doesn’t have to spring clean? JERRY If I knew where Morty was right now, believe me he’d be spring cleaning. BETH Maybe I should’ve gone with them... Me too...
SUMMER
JERRY Well you didn’t. help me.
Now shut up and
EXT. PARKING LOT - AFTERNOON Rick and Morty walk to their car dragging behind all their purchases. MORTY Can’t you just finish this without me?
13. RICK No, Morty. Don’t try to pull a fast one on me. You made a promise to finish this when you agreed to help me. MORTY You mean when you dragged me out of my bed? RICK Whatever, Morty. MORTY I just...There’s no way we’re gonna make it! RICK Morty...My word? MORTY All right... Rick and Morty get in the car. Fly off. EXT. BACKYARD - AFTERNOON Jerry rolls Christmas lights around his arm. gather the Santa and reindeer. JERRY Not bad, gang. That really did make light work. SUMMER This is terrible! BETH Yes. Somebody please shoot me before spring comes again. JERRY C’mon you guys. Now our whole house is clean and we did it together as a family. SUMMER Oh god, I think I’m gonna throw up. BETH Go lie down, sweetie.
Summer and Beth
14. SUMMER I think I’m going to. much.
This is too
JERRY Too much cleanliness? agree.
Well, I
INT. RICKS CAR - AFTERNOON Rick drinks and drives while Morty flips through a dictionary and checks the time. MORTY Hey Rick, test me, will ya? Morty passes the dictionary to Rick. pages simultaneously.
Rick drives and flips
RICK Alright uh, how about...Googledorph? MORTY Googledorph? That’s not even a word! RICK Hah! Don’t say that in front of a Johovian. MORTY Whatever, Rick. Just forget it. Morty takes back the dictionary. RICK Aw, don’t be mad Morty. MORTY Why shouldn’t I be? You dragged me on another stupid trip that I didn’t wanna go on. I’ve been saying all day I don’t have time for this. You don’t listen to me, Rick! RICK Sorry, Morty. You said I don’t what?
15. MORTY Nevermind. Let’s just get that stupid soap and get out of here. RICK It’s not soap, Morty. It’s a blood thinning liquid that breaks down the bones and proteins of meegulls while giving your windows a glossy shine. MORTY I don’t care, Rick! go home!
I just wanna
Rick parks the car by a mountain. RICK After we get this. Here?
MORTY Are we here?
RICK We park here. The liquid is up there. Rick points to the top of the very tall mountain. Oh god...
MORTY
INT. LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON Summer, Beth and Jerry sit on the couch watching TV and playing on their phones. TV ANCHOR Thanks Tom. Right now I’m standing outside Harry Herpson High School where the line is already starting for this years annual spelling bee. Beth and Jerry stop and look at each other and jump up from their seat. BETH AND JERRY Morty’s spelling bee! JERRY It’s tonight! How could you forget?
16. BETH How could I forget? Jerry, you’ve had me in a cleaning frenzy all day. If anything, you made US forget. JERRY By making us clean? Yes!
BETH
JERRY Fine. Next year I won’t do anything and we can just be THAT family who has their Christmas stuff up in JUNE! SUMMER Oh God, do we HAVE to go? Yes!
BETH AND JERRY
EXT. MOUNTAIN - DAY Rick and Morty hike up a mountain trail. Morty lags behind reading a dictionary and checking the time. MORTY How much further? RICK Just a couple more turns, Morty. You see that cave up there, Morty? Huh? You see that cave? MORTY Yeah I see it. RICK Everything we need lies right in that cave. MORTY The spelling bee starts in twenty minutes. RICK Look, Morty, if I didn’t trust that I could finish this in time, We’d be out of here Morty. (MORE)
17. RICK (CONT'D) We’d be, we’d be, at home going to that spelling bee. But we’re not. You know why? Why?
MORTY
RICK Because I have confidence, Morty. And so should you. They continue walking. INT. CAVE - DAY Rick and Morty enter a pitch black cave. high tech flash light.
Rick pulls out a
RICK The source should be around here somewhere. MORTY Grandpa Rick, I think I hear water coming from this direction. Rick shines his light and they head that direction. RICK Nice ears, Morty. Now the closer we get, the more we should start to smell it. MORTY What’s it supposed to...Oh god. RICK Cat pee, Morty. It smells just like cat pee. And we’re real close A deep growl is heard. MORTY What was that? RICK Probably just the wind or something. Rick shines his light in the direction to reveal a gigantic fire breathing meegle.
18.
Or that.
RICK (CONT’D)
Rick and Morty scream. INT. MASTER BEDROOM - DAY Beth and Jerry frantically get ready for the spelling bee. Jerry ties a tie, Beth puts on earrings. JERRY I can’t believe we almost missed Morty’s spelling bee. BETH Really, Jerry? JERRY I just thought he would’ve reminded us! BETH It’s all he’s been talking about for weeks. I can’t take that stupid dictionary out of his hands. JERRY Well he could’ve said SOMETHING. BETH Summer! You better be getting your shoes on. We’re leaving! SUMMER (o.s.) Do I have to go? Yes!
BETH AND JERRY
INT. CAVE - DAY A very large, very angry fire breathing meegull protects a reservoir. Rick and Morty duck behind a rock. Morty hugs his dictionary. Rick!
MORTY What the heck is that thing?
RICK It’s a meegull, Morty. really big meegull.
A really,
19. MORTY You didn’t tell me there was gonna be some huge monster guarding the fluid. RICK Relax, Morty. He’s big, but he’s dumb. There’s seriously no way a meegull could hurt us. A wall of fire blows past Rick and Morty. Rick!
MORTY
RICK Okay, this meegull could hurt us. But he won’t! We can get out of this. We’ve just got to think like a meegull. Quick Morty, what’s everything you know about meegulls? MORTY I don’t know anything about meegulls! RICK Well now you’re going to learn something, Morty. A meegulls greatest weakness, is starch. Starch?
MORTY
RICK Starch, Morty. Or starch like things. Bread, potatoes. Anything soft and white, they go bonkers over. MORTY Oh great! What, are we just supposed to go back to the flea market and buy some bread now? There’s no time! RICK Quick, where’s the roll that came with your meat bag? MORTY You ate my roll, Rick!
20. RICK I don’t recall... Another wall of fire blows past.
The meegull roars.
MORTY Hurry, Rick! RICK All right, all right. think...
Let me
Rick looks around and notices Morty clenching his dictionary. That’s it!
RICK (CONT’D) Morty you’re a genius. MORTY
What?
RICK Your dictionary! Rick snatches the dictionary from Morty, tears a page out and balls it up. Hey!
MORTY I need that to study!
RICK Just watch, Morty. Rick throws the balled up page out in front of the meegull. The meegull pauses, approaches the ball and smells it. Then devours it and roars. MORTY I don’t think that’s good. RICK No, it’s very good. He loves it. Quick, we need more dictionary pages. Rick and Morty start tearing apart the dictionary and throwing paper balls in front of the meegull to eat. They throw paper balls leading out of the cave until the meegull walks himself right off the side of the mountain. RICK (CONT’D) I told you meegulls were dumb. Wow...
MORTY
21. Rick goes to the reservoir to fill his bottle. Morty holds an empty hardback cover. With a full bottle of fluid, Rick stands up from the reservoir. RICK Now let’s get you to the spelling bee. INT. JERRY’S CAR - EVENING Jerry, Beth and Summer sit in the car in traffic. honks his horn. JERRY Come on, we’re going to be late! BETH Well honking’s not going to get us there any faster. JERRY Well what kind of parents miss their kids spelling bee? SUMMER Smart ones? BETH Enough, Summer! SUMMER I’m just saying! JERRY He’s never going let us live this down. BETH Well if you hadn’t forgot about it we would’ve been on time. JERRY Oh, so now this is my fault, huh? If you’ll remember correctly, you didn’t remember it either. BETH Okay Jerry, we both messed up, let’s just drop it now. JERRY So you admit it!
Jerry
22. SUMMER Oh my God! Will you two just be quiet already? If this is going to be such a big deal maybe we just shouldn’t go... Summer!
BETH AND JERRY
EXT. MOUNTAIN - EVENING Rick and Morty approach the parking lot on the mountain. giant meegull lies dead steps away from the car.
The
RICK Okay, Morty. Let me just put this in and we’ll hit the road. Rick pops his hood, pours fluid in. He enters his car and hits the windshield wipers. Meeguls dissolve. Wow, Rick. job.
MORTY That really does do the
RICK What’d I tell you, Morty? Now get in, kid. We’ve got a spelling bee to get to. Morty enters the car INT. RICKS CAR - EVENING Rick flies through planet Zeptron. RICK So are you ready, Morty? MORTY I think so, Rick. I did a lot of studying today and I have confidence. I’m ready. RICK I’m sorry about your dictionarything. MORTY Don’t be, Rick. You always tell me I shouldn’t read books anyway. (MORE)
23. MORTY (CONT'D) Besides, maybe the words have been inside me all along. RICK Oh god, Morty. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! Well...
MORTY
Rick opens a portal RICK Forget it, Morty. breath.
Hold your
They fly through the portal. INT. RICKS CAR - EARTH The portal takes them back to Morty’s house. MORTY Rick! The spelling bee starts in three minutes. I’m never gonna make it! RICK Relax, Morty. I’ve got just the thing. Rick parks the car and they exit. INT. GARAGE - EVENING Rick pulls a portal gun off his shelf. RICK This portal gun will take you to any domestic location in seconds. Are you ready, Morty? MORTY As ready as I’ll ever be. Rick shoots the gun and a portal opens. RICK All right, Morty. Break a leg, or whatever. I don’t care.
24. MORTY Thanks grandpa Rick! Morty steps through the portal. INT. AUDITORIUM - EVENING MR. GOLDENFOLD curates the spelling bee. Kids are seated on stage competing and the audience is packed. One kid is at the mic. Coitus.
KID C-O-I.
T-U-S.
Coitus.
A bell dings. GOLDENFOLD That’s correct! The audience applauds. A portal opens and Morty is hurled on stage. Everyone stares in shock. GOLDENFOLD (CONT’D) Morty’s here, everyone! The audience applauds.
Morty finds a seat on stage.
GOLDENFOLD (CONT’D) And next up is...MORTY! Morty approaches the microphone with confidence. GOLDENFOLD (CONT’D) You’re word, is kernel. MORTY Kernel...kernel. Like popcorn kernel or army guy colonel? GOLDENFOLD Like KERNEL, Morty! Morty gets nervous. MORTY Can I have it in a sentence? GOLDENFOLD He told the colonel there was a kernel stuck in his tooth. MORTY Okay...kernel...kernel...
25. Rick appears in a vision. RICK (v.o.) Have confidence, Morty. (Belches) Morty stands up straight with confidence Kernal.
MORTY C-O-L-O-N-E-L.
Colonel.
A loud buzzer goes off. GOLDENFOLD Oh I’m sorry, Morty. You lost! Thanks for trying! Morty hangs his head and walks off stage. Jerry and Beth kick open the doors at the back of the auditorium and enter with Summer trailing behind on her phone. Mom!
Dad!
MORTY You made it!
BETH Of course we did! JERRY We wouldn’t miss your spelling bee for the world. SUMMER We almost did, though... Summer!
BETH AND JERRY
MORTY Well at least you’re here now. JERRY Of course! No go out there and win that spelling bee. MORTY Oh, I’m actually done. BETH It’s over already?
26. MORTY Well no, but I’m done already. BETH You didn’t give up did you? MORTY No! I lost. My word was colonel. Or kernel. Whatever, I’m done. BETH Oh Morty, don’t worry about it. MORTY So you’re not disappointed? JERRY Disappointed?! Morty, I’m just glad we showed up. It doesn’t matter if you win or lose, as long as you tried and had confidence BETH What do you know about confidence? JERRY Not now, Beth. BETH You’re father’s right, Morty. We still love you just the same. SUMMER Oh my God, can we GO now! Come here.
JERRY Bring it in, guys.
The whole family hugs. JERRY (CONT’D) Now who wants ice cream?! Yay!
FAMILY
GOLDENFOLD Would you all get out? We’re trying to have a spelling bee! Everyone in auditorium goes silent and stares at the family hugging.
27.
Oh, yeah.
MORTY Sorry mister Goldenfold.
Everyone in the auditorium stops to wait until Morty and family exit the room. BLACKOUT
