Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz (revised & updated edition for 21st Century) ‐ NOTES ‐
Self Image (SI) = a mental blueprint o Conscious OR not o Beliefs about ourselves – unconsciously acquired o They become true as they become engrained o SI establishes what you can / cannot do! Defines possible & impossible This is why, if you want to change, willpower won’t do any good. Your SI has to be changed. You’ll always find “proof” that verify any number of lousy beliefs you have SI CAN BE CHANGED Apply positive thinking to self, not to outward circumstances! Don’t identify with your mistakes and failures. Subconscious mind – servo‐mechanism It can achieve goals of: o Success, and happiness o Failure and misery The goals are filtered through the SI – if they are inconsistent with the self‐image, they are rejected or modified End the conflict between the SI and your goals! o Then, communicate your goals to your ASM – it will do what is necessary to achieve them GIGO – Garbage in, garbage out Limiting beliefs from childhood become engrained. There are 3 factors o Authority o Intensity o Repetition We have to learn, practice and experience new habits of: thinking, imagining, remembering and acting.
1. Develop an adequate and realistic SI. 2. Use the Creative Mechanism to bring success & happiness in achieving particular goals
Confidence, initiative, power > business. “Bring it on!” approach Build a good SI and great success will follow. Begin collecting scrapbooks of successful people and high achievers, who possess the qualities at which you aspire o Make this a hobby! Watch the pros! Study those who are living what you aspire to through every media available!
Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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Animals cannot select their goals. We can. We are also creators. o We have creative imagination
1) 2) 3) 4)
Conscious mind decision + Imagination that communicates a goal/target to … Self Image Work order; Instructions to ASM (your Success Mechanism)
IMAGINATION o Pay lots of attention to details o Use it creatively o Give it an aim, a purpose ASM will then follow it automatically 2 types of servo‐mechanisms o The objective is known (ex: torpedo) – follow the target + correct course o The objective has to be discovered – it is only partly defined There’s also the superego, collective unconscious, Universal Mind – the more often you access it, the easier it becomes Interaction memory – intuition ‐ conscious thought – unconscious processes Schubert – “remembering a melody that neither he nor anyone else thought of before” If you really mean business, have an intense desire and begin to think intensely about all angles of the problem – your creative mechanism goes to work and the scanner scans and gropes to an answer; it selects an idea here, an answer there, a fact, a former experience; it then relates them, ties them together into a meaningful whole. The solution is then served to your consciousness, often at an unexpected moment – something clicks.
1) Conduct an accurate inventory & analysis of the contents of your SI 2) Identify erroneous & restrictive programming embedded in your SI & systematically alter it to better suit your purposes 3) Use your imagination to reprogram & alter your SI 4) Use your imagination in concert with your SI to effectively communicate with your servo‐mechanism so that it acts as an ASM, moving you steadily towards your goals – including getting back on course when confronted with obstacles. 5) Effectively use your servo‐mechanism as something like a giant search engine to provide precisely the idea, information or solution you need for any particular purpose – even reaching beyond your stored data to obtain it. Get a new SI – it cannot be done by willpower or by arbitrarily deciding – there must be some ground. Quite often, a person voted unlikely to succeed by others + by themselves fortunately encounters someone who sees a potential no one else sees – believes in him far more than he does in himself & literally directs a change in that person’s SI
Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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There’s no need to wait for someone to do this for you. Listen to this chapter @ least 3x / week for 21 days, study it, digest it and adjust it. Look for examples in your experience & in the experience of friends that demonstrate these in action.
MEMORIZE THESE PRINCIPLES: 1) AIM – Your ASM must have a goal, a target. it must be conceived of as already in existence now, either in actual or potential form The ASM operates by steering towards it or discovering something already in existence. 2) TRUST – The ASM is teleological – it must be oriented to end results or goals. Don’t be discouraged because the means may not be apparent. It’s the function of the ASM to supply the means when you supply the goal. Think in terms of end result and the means will often take care of themselves. 3) RELAX – Don’t be afraid of making mistakes or of temporary failure. All servo‐ mechanisms achieve a goal by negative feedback or by going forward >>, making mistakes & correcting course as they go along. 4) LEARN – Skill learning of any kind is accomplished by trial and error. Mentally correcting aim after an error, until you achieve successful motion, movement or performance. Then, further learning + continued success are accomplished by forgetting the past errors & remembering the successful response, so that it can be imitated. 5) DO – You must learn to trust your creative mechanism to do its work and not jam it by becoming too concerned or anxious as to whether it’ll work or not – or by attempting to force it by too much conscious effort. You must let it work rather than make it work. It operates below the level of consciousness and you cannot “know” what is going on beneath the surface. No guarantees in advance. It comes into operation as you act, as you place a demand on it by your actions. You must not wait to act until you have proof. You must “act as if” it is there – and it will come through. Select a target! Devote just 10‐15 mins every day to taking that mental picture from a vague idea to a good sketch to a finely detailed, fully fleshed out and colored vision that occurs to you exactly the same way whenever called upon. Write out descriptions, draw, and collect relevant information. Just stick to 10‐15 min sessions when you close your eyes and open them only to this picture’s continuing development. Try this little experiment for 21 days – and see what happens! IMAGINATION = the ignition key to your ASM. You need a vision of the whole thing Apply creative imagination rather than destructive imagination Human beings always act & perform in accordance to what they imagine to be true about themselves and about their environment. Hypnosis proves it: Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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o Hot spot on the forehead o “Imagine you are at the North Pole” – subjects feel cold o Suggestion: “Your hand is immersed in ice cold water” – actually lowers body temperature in that zone! o The “You’re not feeling well, are you?” prank – self‐fulfilling prophecy
It can be used constructively Hypnosis works best only when subjects are convinced that the hypnotist’s statements are true Truth determines action and behavior o You act according to the images in your mind that describe reality CHALLENGE what you believe to be true to adapt your SI You CAN change from anything to anything by modifying your SI
MENTAL PRACTICE & IMAGINATION MENTAL practice is as powerful as physical practice! o AND mental + physical practice = even more powerful! Rehearse speaking confidently, making a point, being assertive Mental pictures are powerful medicine Engage in role playing – imagine situations and how to counter them o In the Theatre of the Mind You can plan for a job interview in advance. It’ll boost your self esteem. Even piano can be played in the head. Golf also “You must have a clear mental picture of the correct thing before you do it” Reach the point of efficiency. Napoleon Bonaparte – 400 pages of notes from imagination practice alone! There’s no case to be made against mental rehearsal. You must 1st clearly see something in your mind before you do it o You’re not relieved of taking action afterwards, of course See yourself in a new role Even mental patients got better when they imagined they were healthy Act like you are & feel like […] (what you want to become) The aim is to find the REAL self We are engineered to succeed Positive thinking in itself may disappoint THEATRE OF THE MIND Give it a solid, honest 21‐day trial o 31 mins each day – alone and undisturbed o Close your eyes, exercise imagination – before a large motion picture screen o See a motion picture of yourself. Make the pictures as vivid and real as possible Pay attention to sights, sounds, the environment Details of the imagined environment are all important o You’re creating a practice experience the nervous system has to register it o ACT successfully, ideally, appropriately Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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It doesn’t matter if you haven’t done so today or in the past The nervous system will take care of that o See yourself acting, feeling, being as you want to be Do NOT say to yourself “I am going to act this way tomorrow”. Say “I am going to imagine myself acting this way now, for 30 minutes, today.” Imagine how you would feel if you were already the personality you want to be. See yourself acting calmly and deliberately, with courage and feeling expansive and confident – because you are. This exercise builds new memories & stored data in your mid‐brain and central nervous system o After a time, you’ll be surprised to see yourself acting differently o You do not need to take thought, or try to make an effort now in order to feel ineffective and act inadequately o Your present actions are spontaneous – because of the memories – real and imagined – built into your Automatic Mechanism You’ll find it work just as well upon positive experiences!
STEP #1: Take pad & pen and write out a brief outline or description of the mental movie you intend to construct, develop and experiment within the Theatre. STEP #2: Set aside 30mins/day – preferably at the same time each day to find a quiet, private place. Relax, close your eyes, enter your theatre and begin playing, re‐playing, editing your movie STEP #3: Gradually massage your movies, so that its star – you – performs exactly as you desire and achieves the experience and results you desire. Strive to achieve this in the first 10 days. STEP #4: For the remaining 11 days, play and enjoy that movie repeatedly – without change.
Nietzsche: “convictions are more dangerous to the truth than lies” “Fake it till you make it” – external, superficial – fraud! If you’re hypnotized into a limiting belief, it would be inconsistent to act un‐ accordingly. It’s like you’re stealing something, cheating, etc. (ex: the $5,000/year salesman) Ex: Mr. Russell, aged +20 years (“Voodoo curse”) An idea accepted as truth can be every bit as powerful as hypnosis. Examples of hypnosis: o Hand stuck to the table! (strong man) o Champion weightlifter being told he cannot lift a pencil o “You are now stronger than you have ever been” De‐hypnotize yourself from the ideas that o “I can’t” o “I’m not worthy” o “I don’t deserve it”
Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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You CAN cure your inferiority complex. Do not compare yourself unfavorably to all the top performers & feel you’re no good merely because you cannot do something as skillfully as they. It all depends on what & whose norms we measure ourselves against. It is not knowledge of inferiority that gives us the complex. It is that feeling of inferiority that does this. Measure yourself against your own norm or par. There are no fixed standards of comparing to everybody else. Don’t choose to be adversely affected by it – but rather motivated :D An inferiority complex can indeed evolve into a superiority one. They’re really two faces of the same coin. You are not inferior. You are not superior. You are you. Don’t compare apples to oranges. Relax and de‐hypnotize yourself. Stop frowning and relax your eyebrows. Use positive mental pictures to alter your mood (Goal picture)
Bernard Baruch: “I get the facts. I study them patiently. I apply imagination.” Your ASM is impersonal & has no will of its own. It always acts on your beliefs, feelings & mental pictures you feed to yourself. Your duty is to give it appropriate feelings. It works only on the data that you feed it, in the form of: o Ideas o Beliefs o Interpretations o Opinions It is conscious thinking that is the control knob You don’t need to go back to your childhood! Use deliberate, rational, conscious thought images, imagination Problems can be solved without digging out, examining and analyzing past events The successful patterns are reinforced, repeated. This is true for thoughts, feelings, actions & patterns of behavior. All Success Mechanisms contain memories of past errors. But they can be used. Errors should be consciously forgotten with time. You must dwell upon the end goal. Let the errors serve their purpose – learn from them. Then let go. Solution – oriented therapy Don’t foolishly conclude “I failed yesterday, therefore I will fail again today” Good news: memories of past failures don’t have to be completely eradicated before you can act successfully o Ignore past failures and forge ahead! Ignore past failures and act as if failure were not possible Whenever you begin to feel remorse for an act which your reason tells you it’s not wicked, examine the causes of your feeling of remorse. And convince yourself – in detail – of their absurdity. Let your conscious beliefs be so vivid and emphatic – that they make an impression upon your unconscious strong enough to cope with the impressions made by your nurse or your mother when you were an infant.
Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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Do not be content with alternation between moments of rationality and moments of irrationality. Look into the irrationality closely, with the determination not to respect it and not to let it dominate you. o Whenever it thrusts foolish feelings or thoughts into your consciousness, pull them up by the roots! Examine them and reject them. So, what do you believe? o World = hostile? o Success = undeserved? o People = rejected by you? Then, change that! Indignation and anger can sometimes act as liberators from false ideas. DEEP DESIRE – to be effective in changing belief + behavior, rational thought must be accompanied by DEEP FEELING and DESIRE Imagine what you’d like to be and have. Assume for the moment that it’s possible. Arouse a DEEP DESIRE for these things, become ENTHUSIASTIC about them. DWELL on them. Massage your dreams & desires. And keep going over them in your mind. o See Napoleon Hill’s idea of “burning desire” Your present negative beliefs were formed by thought + feelings. Generate enough emotion or deep feeling, and your new thoughts & ideas will cancel them out. Worry about the future instead! Know the truth, form correct evaluations, estimations, opinions about the environment, instead of underestimating ourselves and overestimating the nature of the difficulty facing us. It’s just a game. Don’t take “dangers” too seriously. 4 hazards o 1) Fear of fear o 2) Losing your cool o 3) Getting too up or too down o 4) Worry what others might think o 2 &3 are typical over‐reactions to events in life – most of which are completely unimportant days or weeks after they happen. To conclude “I can’t” in advance, without trying and in the absence of any evidence to the contrary is not rational. Spending time thinking about what you do not want is stupid “KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL!” Only by trusting & acting can we receive wonders Do the work, act on the best assumptions available and the results take care of themselves. It is of rational, conscious thought to: o Examine & analyze incoming messages; accept those that are true and reject those that are untrue o Form logical & correct conclusions o Decide what you want – select the goals you wish to achieve and concentrate on these, rather than on what you do not want o To pay strict attention to the task @ hand – what you are doing & what is going on around you – so this sensory information can keep your AM advised and allow it to respond – spontaneously. Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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HOW TO RELAX Life need not be relentless pressure and stress. Modern man – too tense, too anxious, too concerned for results (1889) To think and act creatively, you must be intensely concerned with solving a particular problem Creative ideas come unconsciously, spontaneously, somewhat like a bolt out of the blue when the conscious mind has let go of the problem UNLEASHING THE CREATIVE MECHANISM Creative ideas do not, however, come without preliminary conscious thought about the problem You must be intensely interested in solving a problem or securing an answer. You must think about it consciously. GATHER ALL INFORMATION AVAILABLE ON THE SUBJECT Different from “intuition” Consider all the possible courses of action Above all, THERE MUST BE A BURNING DESIRE TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM But having defined the problem and having secured all the info & facts & having taken all the above steps, then additional struggling/fretting/worring over it does NOT help. It only seems to hinder the solution. Give orders that the work is to proceed “underground”. Relax and let the job do itself for you, THROUGH you. Conscious effort inhibits and jams the automatic mechanism. Cf. Johari’s window. It’s a matter of how fast you can move up the ladder!
Creative performance is o Spontaneous o Natural Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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o Habit‐like Inhibited people = not being themselves = thinking too much
FREEING THE CREATIVE MACHINERY 1) Once a decision is made, focus on supporting it, not second‐guessing it Worrying is futile once the roulette starts spinning We take decisions, then make them wrong or right – That’s what leadership is all about! “You can always correct a poor decision, but if you do nothing, you can never get the time back.” You cannot correct indecision. Practice decisiveness. Pick something & close the menu. Shop & leave. Make this mental movie once you make a decision (of any kind): “THE LOCK‐BOX” Take all the ideas, information, decisions you went through and make a pile, put them in the box, lock it shut. Seal the decision, mark it as “done”. Brush your hands off like a man does after doing some kind of satisfying manual labor. Turn out the lights in the storage room and walk out of the dark room into the sunlight. 2) There’s a right time for planning, worrying, working. But in the rest of the time, take no anxious thought. Make plans for tomorrow, but don’t try to live tomorrow or in the past. Creative living means acting & responding to the environment spontaneously. CM can respond appropriately only if you act in the present. Plan all you want for the future, but don’t worry how you’ll act tomorrow. Your CM will react appropriately in the now – if you pay attention to the environment. Live in the moment, involved with 1 person, 1 action Enjoy your meal, sex, a conversation with a friend – don’t strife back and forth into the past or the future instead of enjoying the now Focus on work, action, study Don’t try to do many things at once! Focus on the ball & only on the ball. When you talk to people, for example, focus on them, not on what they might think, if they’re interested etc. Top performers stick with focus rather than multitasking. o Not like those “businesspeople” who always talk on the phone and are extremely busy Feeling you should do many things now – a bad habit Feed jobs & problems one by one to your SM 4) Sleep on it Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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Don’t let the conscious “I” interfere with the ASM o Little elves will come and tie your shoes o Let the ideas incubate and hatch 5) Relax while you work. Stop occasionally during the day. Tell the ASM what to do and let it surprise you with its ingenuity. It’s like macro‐management vs. micro‐management HAPPINESS When thinking pleasant thoughts, you can see, taste, smell better and detect finer differences in touch! o Studies prove that. A pleasant mental state can do wonders. o Eyesight improves immediately. Psycho‐somatics: happiness heals and makes our organs function better. Happiness is not: earned, deserved OR a moral issue. So don’t wait to “deserve” to think pleasant thoughts Spinoza: “Happiness is not the reward of virtue, but virtue itself” Unselfishness can bring happiness o Being and acting unselfishly o Not expecting a payoff, a reward, a prize You cannot help the unhappy by being one of them Happiness, prosperity – NOT zero‐sum games. They are not finite. Happiness always lives in the present – not waiting for future events. Happiness = mental habit which can be activated & developed. “Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be” – A. Lincoln Happiness is constructed NOT by objects, but by ideas, thoughts & attitudes, which can be developed and constructed by the individual’s own activities – irrespective of the environment. We react to unpleasant events with anger, resentment, sadness purely out of habit! It has become habitual. o We interpret some events as a blow to our self esteem A chief cause = taking things personally that are not personal at all A habit of being happy liberates us from the domination of outward conditions Your opinion can add to unhappy events o It’s a fact you’ve lost $200.000 dollars. It is your opinion that you are “ruined” or “disgraced”. Happiness vs. unhappiness = facts vs. opinions All those “impossibles” are opinions, not facts It is your opinion that “this is a catastrophe” or “I’ll never find someone else” (vs. plenty of fish approach) The core of Psycho‐Cybernetics – the rational, calm, conscious and ultimately automatic separation of fact from opinion. Actual circumstance vs. magnified obstacle. So that our actions and reactions are solidly based on truth – not our own or other’s Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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opinions. When you’re a goal striver, you tend to be relatively happy. The happiest years can be those of struggle. When you do have a goal. A consuming desire to reach and a determined persistence that keeps you working toward it. An aggressive attitude. Form the habit of reacting aggressively and positively toward threats & problems. Form the habit of keeping goal‐oriented all the time – regardless of what happens. Do this by practicing a positive, aggressive attitude – both in actual, everyday situations and in your imagination. o No one can decide what your thoughts shall be but yourself. o “You make your own fun?” he asked. “It’s only fun if you make it. If someone else does it for you it’s entertainment.” Do not belittle yourself with negative self‐talk when your actions or performance don’t meet your expectations. You must replace those images of yourself that do not create value in your life and which you do not want to continue. o How many times have you caught yourself saying “I’m always late”. Now think about what you are programming yourself to be: late! Say to yourself: “Cancel”. “That’s not like me. Next time, I’ll be early”. This is not an instant fix, of course. Remember: authoritative source + repetition + intensity the keys to negative programming. To be happy you’ll have to sacrifice: skepticism, cynicism, old habits and beliefs. Self image = muscle. Train just like in sports. 30mins/day Our habits = garments worn by our personality. They fit us. They are consistent with our SI & our entire personality pattern. Don’t confuse habit with addiction. They’re just actions, thoughts, behaviors, responses we’ve learned to perform without having to think or decide. HABIT FORMATION MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE: Reverse the way you tie your shoes every day. Let this simple act serve as a reminder that you can change your way of: thinking, acting and feeling throughout the day. Bad habits can be changed, they don’t have to become destiny. Consciously decide the following: 1. I will be more cheerful throughout the day 2. I will act a little bit more friendly towards others 3. I’m going to be a little less critical & a little more tolerant of other people, their faults, failings & mistakes. I will place the best possible interpretation on their actions. 4. Insofar as possible, I’m going to act as if success were inevitable, and I already am the sort of personality I want to be. I will practice acting like and feeling like this new personality. 5. I will not let my own opinion color facts in a pessimistic or negative way. 6. Regardless of what happens, I will react as calmly and as intelligently as possible.
Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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7. I will ignore completely & close my mind to all those pessimistic & negative facts that I can do nothing to change.
People will straighten up when given goals to strive for. SUCCESS o Sense of direction o Understanding o Courage o Charity / Compassion o Esteem o Self‐confidence o Self‐acceptance
Sense of direction o Have goals o ALWAYS think of what you want o NOT what other people expect of you – or whether you’re living to other people’s goals and standards o Look forward, not backward. Develop a nostalgia for the future, not for the past. A nostalgia for the future can keep you youthful.
Understanding o Good communication (vital) o ≠ confusion (the basic element in neurosis?) o = empathy, especially toward oneself o Separate facts from opinions o If you cannot see the truth, you cannot act appropriately o You cannot be sincere to yourself when rationalizing or telling your self “rational lies” o You are NOT your mistakes when you understand this, you are free to: acknowledge them learn from them set them aside and move on from them without being mired in them Courage o Having a goal & understanding of the situation are not enough. You must have the courage to step in & take action o The best defense is a strong offense o If we wait to be absolutely certain and sure before we act, we will never do anything. Every action can be wrong. Every decision you make can turn out to be the wrong one. You must daily have the courage to risk making mistakes, risk failure, risk being humiliated. A step in the wrong direction is better than staying on the spot all your life.
Decisiveness o The #1 quality to look for in the people you associate with and befriend. o Leaders agree: success comes from decisiveness and correcting coruse of action – NOT long delays of procrastination and attempts of making flawless choices. Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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o FEW SUCCESSES ARE ACHIEVED VIA A STRAIGHT LINE, from AB. Most successes are achieved in a zig‐zag manner. o Be willing to make a few mistakes, to suffer to get what you want. Don’t sell yourself short. o “Most people don’t know how brave they really are”
Charity o Daily living is a virtual assault on our self‐respect. o Stop judging & blaming other people for their mistakes o You’ll begin to develop a better and more adequate SI when you feel that more ppl are worthy o Self‐doubt is insidious Esteem o Self‐doubt is insidious – the thief within o You should not hesitate to yell “STOP!” and send it back to its dark corner, properly chastised for doubting us. o Do not down rate the product merely because you haven’t used it correctly (“This typewriter can’t spell.”) o Begin to appreciate other people more.
Self‐Acceptance o Alcohol, drug abuse o Quiet desperation o You are what you are! o Creating a better SI unleashes talents, habits and skills. o You may have made a mistake, but you’re not a mistake. o You’ll get more “no”s than “yes”es, but do not reject yourself.
AQ – Adversity Quotient People with high AQs… o Do not blame others for the adversities or setbacks they confront o They do not blame themselves, either. They do not see setbacks that occur as reflecting poorly on themselves. o They believe the problems they face are limited in size and duration and CAN be dealt with. You CAN raise your AQ Ex: the fishing trip from hell
Don’t have unreasonable expectations of life to be smooth sailing Don’t give black and white responses to events in life. What bricks and other burdens am I carrying?
HOW TO AVOID TRIGGERING THE AFM ACCIDENTALLY (AFM – Automatic Failure Mechanism) Negative emotions are the alarms: o Frustration Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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o Rage o Overwhelming anxiety o Unshakeable depressions o Jealousy & resentment o Sloth o The demanding of something for nothing o Intolerance o Disrespect o Self‐rejection These are signs that you are in the RED ZONE. Symptoms are there to help you recognize the problem and take corrective action. Nobody is immune to the above feelings. The important thing is to recognize them and take positive action to correct course. The truth CAN set us free from them.
F – Frustration, Hopelessness, Futility A – Aggressiveness, misdirected I – Insecurity L – Loneliness, Lack of oneness U – Uncertainty R – Resentment E – Emptiness
Frustration, hopelessness, futility o Practical goals vs. perfectionistic goals (when hitting the bull’s eye is not enough) o Frustration (i.e. feeling stuck & helpless) as a way of solving problems does not work! Take corrective action instead of blaming yourself o Unchecked frustration begets aggression. Aggression = blowing steam. It’s normal behavior. o Channel aggression towards achieving a goal! Don’t kick the cat or snap at your wife. Don’t allow it to accumulate and cause ulcers, high blood pressure turn into excessive drinking, compulsive overwork etc.
Aggressiveness o Rudeness, irritability, gossip, fault‐finding, violence other ppl. o The answer is not to eradicate it, but to understand it and properly channel it o Turn it around on the frustration that caused it! o And use all this energy in taking productive action to resolve the frustration itself. o Knowledge gives you power. You don’t solve a problem by creating another. o Engage in sports where you hit or punch something: golf, tennis, punching a bag – it will channel your aggressiveness in a great way o Vent your frustration in writing. Write a letter to the person who has angered or frustrated you. Then burn the letter. o Work remains one of the best therapies and tranquilizers for a troubled spirit.
Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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Insecurity o A feeling of inadequacy causes it. Not measuring up to what is required. o Peter principle – “level of incompetence” o When you think of yourself as having attained the goal you become static and lose the security and equilibrium you had when you were moving towards something. o If you are convinced that you are good in the absolute sense, you not only have no incentive to do better, but you feel insecure because you must defend the sham and pretense. The man who thinks that he has arrived has about used up his usefulness to us. o Ex: football teams / boxing captain winning/losing/winning/losing in cycles. It’s typical for sportspeople to have mixed success following this pattern.
Loneliness o What to do: surround yourself with wiser, more capable, perhaps older people, who are more experienced than you. o Contribute to any social situation. Force yourself to mix & mingle with other people. You’ll enjoy it more and more! o Develop a social skill that will be add to the happiness of other people: dancing, bridge, playing the piano, conversation o You’ll gradually find out that most people are friendly and you are accepted o The experience of your acceptance enables you to accept yourself. o Don’t stand safe and still in the dark o Risk criticism and confrontation to seek opportunity & improvement. o “The greatest mistake a man can make is to be afraid of making one” – E. Hubbard
Uncertainty
o
o o o o o
ACT! MAKE MISTAKES! CORRECT COURSE! MAKE MISTAKES. FAIL FORWARD FASTER. Big men and great personalities make mistakes – and admit them. It is the little man who is afraid to admit he’s been wrong. Only little men are never wrong. DON’T link your SE with being proven wrong! Make mistakes and admit them. Even Sherlock Holmes admits he’s wrong and moves on until he finds the solution. Thomas Edison – wrong thousands of times! Embrace the short‐term uncertainties!
Resentment o Towards: “the system”, “life”, “the brakes”, “the boss”, “luck”, “spouse”, “the customers” o People in the firm grip of AFM resent the success of others, thinking that life is short‐changing them, treating them unfairly o A cure worse than the disease itself, because it makes happiness impossible. o Resentment makes us feel important. It’s like you’re morally superior to those who caused the injustice. Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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o It’s like you’re trying to “prove a case” in the court of life. Mental resistance to something that’s already happened o The result? Inferior Self Image. Not a way to success. It’s easy to find justice and fancy you have been wronged. o It then leads to self‐pity. They feel good only when they are miserable. o When you feel resentment, it’s impossible to be successful. o resentment is inconsistent with goal striving. o THERE IS NO JUSTICE! You may be born in a ghetto, or in a residential area. Why hate the rich kid? Don’t hate the driver who drove by and splashed mud on your pants. Or, at least don’t let it ruin your whole day.
Only fix worthwhile goals! o Use your talents and resources Aliveness = setting worthwhile goals moving up the 4‐step ladder to pursue them Stop going around & around in circles and select a goal worth striving for. Have an awareness of the AFM – sense it when it kicks in, and drive it out. Glance at the negatives in your life like you glance at the alerts on your computer screen. Don’t dwell on them. Think negatively – CORRECTLY – recognize the negative for what it is and dwell on the final goal. o Helps you steer clear of failure o AFM is NOT you. Once or twice during the day, sit in a quiet place, analyzing what you’ve done throughout the day: (+)pluses and (‐)minuses. Think in terms of getting closer to the goals or further away from them. o Do not fear self‐analysis o Stick with self‐coaching.
Use the emotional scalpel to remove scars left by others, by events & by yourself instead of withdrawing in your shell. Emotional scar tissue built on the SI protects us, but also builds a wall that prevents both friend and foe to get through TOOLS: Awareness, rational thought, deliberate decision, purposeful use of imagination – theatre of the mind, mental rehearsal Wet the clay & perform emotional surgery. It is never too late. Remove all scars. Disappointments and other road bumps – don’t let them detract you. The first step to getting out of a hole is to stop digging. The same mechanism that drives you away from physical danger detracts us from psychological danger as well. “Good Will Hunting” type personality: people that were hurt/rejected early on by someone important. They distrust all people & cannot get close. They attack first, to prevent being hurt or rejected again. They become good at it. Thus they drive away the very people who would love, help, nurture and make them happy – if given half a chance.
Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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IMMUNIZE YOURSELF AGAINST EMOTIONAL HURTS! 1) Be too big to feel threatened. Do you feel hurt by tiny pinches? People who get offended the easiest are typically LSE >> jealousy, exaggerating the “hurt” feelings felt from some things/real threats. HAVE THICK SKIN on your SE/SI/ego. 2) Healthy Self Images do not bruise easily. People who aggressively resist selling at first are often the easiest to sell to. They put on their hard shell because they know how weak they are to getting sold, so they put the “no salesmen allowed” sign. Self‐reliant + immune attitude Graduate from urgent neediness; admire yourself & your work first! Relax away emotional hurts. don’t add tension & get your feelings hurt. Action (outside) emotional reaction (inside) o Keep muscles fortified o Take time to relax and distress o Keep a written success diary Create a visualization to assist you when confronted with criticism, remarks or other attacks on your SI REMOVING OLD EMOTIONAL SCARS: Give yourself a spiritual facelift. Give them up completely – don’t get even! o Forgive and forget. FORGIVENESS is an emotional scalpel “I can forgive but I cannot forget” is like saying “I cannot forgive” Forgiveness = a note torn out and thrown out. Forgiveness that is partial is like partially completed surgery. “Pretended forgiveness” – not genuine, half‐hearted, done as duty o Don’t dwell on it – it will re‐infect the wound! And do NOT feel too proud of it, or like the other person owes you something. They do not. Forgiveness does NOT make us superior (that’s revengeful forgiveness) Give up grudges; yes, you can – if you’re willing We cant’ because we like our self‐righteousness FORGIVE HER/HIM/THEM! >> You’ll be happier, healthier & have more peace of mind FORGIVE YOURSELF >> You cannot react emotionally on the past. Average person spends 2 hours/day feeling guilty! Present and past guilt MISTAKES ARE HUMAN Mistakes don’t make you – you make mistakes Don’t confuse behavior with who you are: o “I failed” vs. “I am a failure” o Stop blaming and condemning yourself Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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o What you do need not define yourself by what you do / predict what you will do in the future You’ll grow younger if you perform emotional surgery Live in the present, look to the future not in the past Creative living + a little willing to be vulnerable, a nostalgia for the future Find people and forgive them Find situations and forgive yourself Banish this bad habit of blaming ppl / yourself A phony is universally detested this is why babies are loved! o They are themselves! > Proof that inhibition is learned. We all have that “something”, uniqueness, personality Excessive negative feedback? o Modify responses, do NOT stop all action o Inhibition o DON’T GO BACK TO YOUR SHELL! DON’T STOP SELF‐EXPRESSION! Use video recording to improve skills: speaking in public, self‐expression Stuttering – caused by severe monitoring Course‐correction feedback Purpose tremor o When trying to insert the string into a needle o Pouring liquid into a bottle with a narrow neck o When you try too hard, or being too careful not to make a mistake Train in relaxation and ditch excessive effort and purposing It’s a form of negative feedback – caring too much about failure So many people who speak well in public make mistakes & no‐no’s Use negative feedback to perform better Don’t become too concerned with pleasing other people Don’t constantly & consciously monitor every word & action Ignore excessive feedback – speak as you were speaking to a group of friends POISE – ignore outward pressure & go spontaneous Stop fighting & trying to kill your self consciousness. Instead, develop more self consciousness. That is, kill the negative feedback and be aware of your strengths Excessive thinking of what other people think kills spontaneity o Anyway, we tend to think far more than they really think about us stop analyzing “what they meant”
SELF ESTEEM Your opinion matters most. Self‐esteem = the representation we have with ourselves Don’t give too much importance to mistakes / opinions of others! You know better. What your reputation will be tomorrow – determine this; live consistent with it TODAY. 1) Don’t think too much about what you’re going to say. Just open your mouth and say it. Improvise as you go along. Improvise & be spontaneous. Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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2) Don’t plan. Take no thought for tomorrow. Don’t think before you act. Act & correct your actions as you go along. START MOVING TOWARD THE GOAL! 3) Stop criticizing yourself. Stop self‐critical analysis. Give yourself useful & beneficial feedback. Stop second‐guessing yourself. 4) Speak louder than usual. Raise the volume of your voice. Loudness dis‐inhibits. 5) Let people know when you like them. Compliment @ least 3 people every day PC‐Tranquilizers Ignore the phone that’s ringing – break the Pavlovian conditioning Feel good in the presence of strangers DELAY the response to aversive stimuli. o Count to 10 when angry and let go of all tension You cannot be angry, anxious etc. as long as you RELAX your muscles. Relaxation = no response. Dis‐inhibition. PRE‐performance ritual. Calm mind – calm body. Calm body – calm mind. Buld yourself a quiet room in your mind o Retreat to your foxhole o “The relaxation chamber” o Blue light green, yellow, gold o Use imagination Insomnia, rudeness = carryovers. Many people take their problems to bed with them. Emotional carryovers cause accidents. Create your own distraction eraser – clear the screen, wipe the board, clear the calculator’s memory – before you solve another problem Concentrate, focus on & repeat 1 successful mental picture at a time Clear your head of everything but what you have to do It is NOT external stimuli that make you anxious, worried, etc. – but how you react to them. Be an ACTOR, NOT a re‐actor IF response doesn’t get us further there’s no need to react! Let the telephone of fear, anger and anxiety ring Practice without pressure Practice in non‐crisis, non‐hungry situation o Over‐motivation hinders success o Practice speaking without an audience, pick‐up without pressure o Practice w/o pressure, and you’ll learn better, you’ll perform better in high‐ pressure situations. o Do some shadow‐boxing. Practice speaking in public – in a mirror o Arrange a bunch of chairs o Simulate synthetic pressure Naked o Shadow‐boxing turns ON self‐expression You’ll banish purpose tremor Concentrate on what you want to happen & let go of the pressure to succeed. Relax. NEVER lose sight of your original goal. Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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Stop thinking in terms of fear, nervousness, etc. and think in terms of EXCITEMENT. “Do or die” attitude – not good “What’s the worst that can happen if I act?” – GREAT approach! There’s always a second chance! o Marriages – many happily married people have gone through bad relationships, heartbreaking struggle, arguments & painful break‐ups and divorces Give your ASM a definite goal to work on! It’s your servant. Make crises a creative opportunity – use them to your favor! Give your ASM a definite goal to work on! It is your servant. Picture your success clearly & vividly! STOP worrying about possible unwanted results. Nervous system cannot tell real failure from imagined failure – so don’t spend time dwelling on negative images Everything worth doing is worth doing poorly at first! o You’ll get the grip. The object of practice is to make repeated trials, constantly correct errors until a hit is scored. Successes become ENGRAINED, TATTOOED in the cortex – in your mind & soul o Use the feeling to get them back Small victories lead to big victories. Crawl Stand Walk Cycle Drive car […] Build into your grey patterns and feelings of success Success is built on success – “Nothing succeeds like success” The feeling of success and satisfaction can be brought back! Go gradually. Use the same process you use when you worry. Make gradual mental pictures without forcing yourself. “Worry” about the best positive outcome Think about the best thing that can happen. o Embrace the possibility. Play the images over & over & over! o Delineate details. o Faith, self‐confidence, courage winning feeling! Don’t take counsel of your negative feelings. Ignore them and go ahead! Adopt negative feelings as a challenge. Use them as assets! React aggressively & positively towards them! o They will evaporate o Do not fight them. It’s futile. Don’t resist BUT overcome with good! Put something in their place. Don’t drive out a demon just to leave the house empty. Put something in its place. “The substitution method” substitute with pleasant mental pictures o Past o Future The more you activate your mechanism, the more potent it becomes! We age not by years, but by events & our emotional reactions to them. Use a hypothesis based on implications. Set goals, so that you can have something meaningful to live for. Develop a nostalgia for the future. A need for more life! Test the “truths” about yourself…and discover they are not true at all! Notes from Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Taken by Peter Birlea – www.MindsetOptimizer.com
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