Breaking the pattern (Break Rapport) How to build attraction by leading the conversation
Roughly explained, Breaking Rapport is when you say or do something that is not congruent with the expected exchanged information. Breaking rapport is very important during the conversation because it keeps the other person on track and constantly emotionally involved in the conversation by spiking his/ her emotions. By breaking rapport you can also show that you are edgy and don´t hesitate to “step” on the person´s f oot oot which builds rapport.
There are different ways of breaking rapport: You can break rapport in 4 ways: 1. You have the classical: Break rapport to test rapport by Pacing and Leading – Doing or saying something different than the other person is doing 2. Break rapport to re-establish rapport 3. Break rapport to build attraction 4. Break rapport to change focus, by moving the conversation to another subject
1. Test Rapport
The basic way of breaking rapport is to test rapport during the conversation. You can do this by Pacing and Leading. You simply change anything about your posture and watch if the person starts matching you. The more the person mirror s your body language the more he/ she will be investing. You can also break rapport verbally by changing the level of the interaction, from normal conversation – to playful/ emotional conversation and see if the person matches you. If it works then the thread was used successfully and you are now in rapport. 2. Breaking rapport to re-establish rapport
This technique is very effective to know if the person you are talking to is interested in the conversation with you. It´s very useful if you want to know if the person is responding to the threads that you are providing. It´s very much like disqualifying, when a person asks you a question you become a challenge and don´t give them the answers they expect. When you break rapport in the beginning of the interaction you´ll send signals of familiarity as if you already know the person. Remember that people become as the way you see them. You don´t mess around with total strangers do you? Only people you do know already.
Person: “What´s your name?” You: “I´m strawberry, with whip cream and chocolate sauce.. maan that tastes good” Person: “Whaat? Naah come on for real what´s your name?”
When a person responds like that it shows that he/ she is interested somehow in who you really are. By saying something with high emotional value (making the person really curious) you keep the person in the conversation. As you break rapport, make sure to look as if you are serious about your answer (don´t laugh as a jerk). What you are saying must not be congruent with your facial expression, as the other person will expect you to laugh when you say that your name is strawberry. This builds even more excitement in the conversation. In some cases the person will respond to your thread by saying: “Ohh really? Then I´m banana”. Then the thread was used successfully! If that is the case you have to provide a
subject with high emotional value, for example talking about favorite tropic fruits. Remember that YOU must lead the interaction by making sure that the conversation doesn´t return to a “normal” conversation and loses emotional value. If the conversation fades away, find a new topic with a high emotional thread. 3. Change focus –
You can do this in 2 ways: 1. To change subject into something that has high emotional value 2. For emotional transitioning 1. Break rapport to change focus is a very effective way to lead the conversation to a subject with high emotional value. If you feel that the conversation isn´t going anywhere, you can pause and say something that is totally out of context. Your outcome in doing this is to let the person respond to the context that you make. “Do you like strawberries?” “Do you know what I think is so weird” “Are you playful?” “You know what I would do to you right now?”
Remember that women are EMOTIONAL. Even though you jump right out of the normal conversation they are not going to respond logically but only to the EMOTIONAL signals that you are sending. By doing this it also reveals a lot about the women´s emotional maturity. Some women will not be able to know how to react on your high emotional threads and will simply avoid what you said, and some women WILL react! – Those are the ones you want to spend your time with! You can especially use this type of breaking rapport when a woman starts shit-testing you (Remember that the more the girl shit-tests you the more she likes you – She wants to
test your masculinity. Women will always shit test you in many ways: They say they have a boyfriend (Ohh really? I have nice cat), they say that they aren´t interested in talking to you etc. Be aware when a woman shit tests you!
Let´s take a classical example: Woman: “So are you a kind of guy that talks to everyone single girl in a club?” or “Do you say this kind of stuff to every girl?” – For example if you say something that sounds really
good in her ears. As you can see this is a LOGICAL thread. She will try to make you explain yourself to her or qualify yourself, and this is where most of the guys fall in the trap. They begin to make excuses which actually KILL the attraction because she will now be leading! What you want to do instead is throw an EMOTIONAL thread that leads the conversation into a new direction which the woman will follow – If she does, then you are definitely on the right track on building attraction. This is a very good way of do ing it: You: “So, do you ask every single g uy that questions to test him before you sleep with
him?... Anyway tell me about your favorite place to go to summer?” As you can see you are giving a comeback, which basically will build drama in the conversation (WOMEN LOVE DRAMA!!!). This makes the conversation much more exciting especially because the woman will now get an impression of your alpha behavior, which is NOT reacting to her shit-tests. Furthermore she´ll feel attracted because you display your social awareness when saying that she asks that question to test every single guy WHICH IS TRUE! – Whether she´s conscious about what she´s saying or not she will now realize that she IS actually testing you. The last thing which is a major break rapport is your sexual escalation (we will come to this), when saying “before sleeping with him”. You already
assume that she´s attracted to you BECAUSE she´s shit-testing you. This is the first step in building sexual tension in the conversation and moving the conversation in a sexual direction. The response will still depend on the woman´s emotional maturity. 2. How you can break rapport to transition her emotions into your topic:
When in the conversation you should always remember to let her invest much more than you do, and you do this by providing topics with emotional threads to let HER build her own emotions up. You want her to expend more effort than you but you don´t want her responses to be more emotionally interesting than yours, otherwise she´ll be leading the interaction. You can lead this interaction by asking a question that leads to deep rapport and spike up her emotions by having a deep conversation. When you feel that you are in deep-rapport you can ask questions that increases her emotions in the interaction.
For example: “What is the wildest thing you could imagine yourself doing?” “What hot places would you go to right now? Why?” “If you´d win in the lottery what is the first thing you would do?” – This elicits her value
and it´s a great way of leading the conversation into deeper levels. Once she answers you would want to encourage her to go deep within herself and pull out the emotions that are associated with her values. When you feel that she´s investing much more than in the beginning of the interaction you BREAK rapport for making sure that she doesn´t provide more emotional value than you do. Cut her in the middle of everything and say: “You know what I´d like to do to you right now (Make her curious)? Take you on a nice
adventure, because you seem like an adventurous person ” Your adventure will now be associated with ALL the emotions you brought up in the girl and this is the best moment to take the interaction to the next level, CLOSING for example! Always close people when they are in a positive/ deep emotional state – You want everything that you do or say to be associated with good emotions. You don´t want to be remembered as the desperate guy that tried hardly to get the girl´s number.
4. Break Rapport to build attraction
This is probably the most important phase in the interaction when building attraction. This is the biggest reason for guys ending in the friend zone because they don´t escalate sexually. In this phase, EVERYTHING you do or say must let the girl associate you with sex on a subconscious level with or without her choice of doing it. You want her to think of you in sexual ways. Remember that women ARE sexual!
Rule: The more the girl invests in the conversation the more you can allow yourself to break rapport otherwise you´ll be the horny guy and not the sexual guy! - When escalating sexually (verbally) don´t push it too hard, you must be sensitive on this area.
Rules of escalating sexually: 1. Women are sexual and VERY sensitive to sexual innuendo – They don´t have to participate, they just have to hear it! 2. Always follow sexual elements with other elements (comfort element) 3. Always be the first one to take the conversation back to nonsexual conversation – This implies that she´s the one chasing you and not the other way around. 4. Every time she throws a sexual thread amplify it, escalate it and make it much more intense.
There are many ways of doing this: 1. Being edgy – Tease her! 2. Misinterpretations and assumptive framings – She´s the one chasing you, not the other way around 3. Negations – Let her think of you in sexual ways!
1. Being Edgy – Tease her Women LOVE to be teased! – Whenever you get the opportunity to tease you do it. But you don´t want to end up being the mean value-taking guy, always calibrate it with rewarding threads with comfort. When you find harmless topics to tease her about, she will respond by feeling challenged. This makes her lower her needs for trust in the interaction while focusing on reasons to gain your acceptance, for example if she begins qualifying herself. When you tease the woman you want her to be excited which should be similar to “anger”, except it´s not anger but it´s an emotional BOMB! – Especially when she starts
hitting you or changes to a protective posture. Women have an entirely different way of reacting when feeling frustrated, it´s not like our male aggression. It´s FEMALE aggression = Sexual excitement (you are turning her on). When you tease, you don´t want the “tease to please” kind of stuff, but you should
tease to challenge. Never mix touch elements when being edgy, then it´ll seem like you are afraid to step on the girl´s toes which lowers your value. Once the tease is used successfully, change topic as if nothing has happened. Sometimes you need to be nonrewarding because it generates addiction, but remember to be intermittent rewarding.
Examples – Remember that the best time to tease is when you have built rapport (minimum resistance):
i.
You: “You know what, you actually remind me of something?”
Girl: “What?” or if she just shows a physical expression as waiting for you to continue. You: “Naah you kno w what, I shouldn´t be telling you . You probably start hitting me”. Girl: “No I won´t” You: “Do you promise?”
Now the girl will expect you to say something bad which builds suspense. You: “You remind me of a cute bubbi bear (Bubbi bjørn)”
Notice how the girl reacts. If it used successfully then turn back to building comfort. ii.
You: “You know what. I actually like your head”
Girl: “You like my head? What do you mean” You: “Believe me you don´t wonna know ;)” – Change topic. By ignoring some of her
questions you build even more excitement in the interaction. iii.
You: “Do you have a boyfriend?” Girl: “No, I don´t” You: “WHAT?? Then it´s not funny. It´s always much more fun when the girl has
a boyfriend because it´s much more challenging. You know people have a tendency to really wanting something when they know it´s a little taboo ;)”
When the girl says that she´s single she´ll expect you to think YES. When showing the opposite you disapprove her which is a very effective way of breaking rapport. Anything that you say or do when building attraction that is quite the opposite of what the girl expects is considered as a challenge in her mind because you are being UNPREDICTABLE! Every time she tries to make you qualify yourself, BREAK RAPPORT – But always remember to reward once you´ve built deep rapport and she´s made a huge effort in the interaction.
Extra: The Physical hand-game.
2. Misinterpretations and assumptive framings Whenever you get the chance to misinterpret or use an assumptive framing, do it! When you misinterpret you want to give the picture that the girl is the one hitting on you in the interaction and not the other way around. You can also do this by assumptive framings: Assuming frames, which are rules that either are real/ fake that you communicate to her directly or indirectly.
1. You can misinterpret a situation by accusing the woman for hitting on you, even though she BARELY touches you: “Hey I barely know you and you are already hitting on me. Do I look like a sex object to you?”
2. You accuse the woman for seeming desperate of knowing you when she starts asking you questions: “Hey, you don´t even know my name and you already want to
know where I live. Are you really that desperate because I could hook you up with someone?” 3. Accusing the woman for lying when answering one of your questions: “Are you lying to me right now? Because you better not be lying when you are trying to build a relationship with me, and it´s definitely not good to do it already in the very beginning”. As you can see in this example, you are a using a pattern “when you”
which pre-supposes that the woman is trying to start a relationship with you. And many more. 4. Accusing the woman for lying when saying she has a boyfriend: “Don´t lie to me! But you know what, I LOVE the fact that you are challenging me, so let´s pretend that you do actually have a boyfriend ;)”. By saying this you set the
frame right away that you aren´t threatened by her having a boyfriend and you are also assuming that she´s challenging you. This sets the frame that SHE is the one building attraction. Women do only challenge/ test a guy if they are attracted by him! The most important thing when saying all these things is to keep a strong frame, strong body language and a firm posture. Mix it with physical edge elements (Tsk, tsk – move, move her with your hip, ask her to reach her hand out and hit it – If you do this then it´s definitely ON!) 3. Negations – “I shouldn´t be talking to you right now, otherwise it´s gonna end badly” Negation is a pattern that has a reverse psychological effect. Reverse psychology is a persuasion technique involving the advocacy of a belief or
behavior that is opposite to the one desired, with the expectation that this approach will encourage the subject of the persuasion to do what is desired: the opposite of what is suggested. You can simply do this by putting the word “not” or “don´t” infront
of a suggestions you want to embed. This has a major effect in dating interactions because it can be used to lead the interaction in sexual directions. Examples:
If you want to make the person curious when asking you a question: “You really DON´T want to know. I´d had to take you a secret place and do crazy stuff
with you. So I really shouldn´t be telling you this ”. You know that this is working when the person begins challenging you by putting a question mark on what you are saying: “Why, what do you mean”. Let the questions be unanswered to build suspens e.
If the girl tells you she has a boyfriend: “You know what, I LOVE challenges. So the fact that you have a boyfriend is NOT going
to stop me. You shouldn´t be talking to me right now, it´s too dangerous for you. Just so that you know ”. The “You don´t dare” pattern – Always when you get the chance to challenge the girl
question her action by asking if she dears (of course if it fits to the situation), or by simply telling her, that she doesn´t dare to do whatever you actually want her to do. As you can see all the patterns above builds up a sexual tension by making the girl thinking of you in sexual ways (especially the assumptive patterns). This is critical factor in building attraction. 95% of dating interactions don´t escalate sexually because of lack of edginess and traits of insecurity in the guy that hesitates in taking the first step. Most of the guys that women are attracted to ends in their friend zone because they don´t act in any sexual way, which makes the women insecure about whether the guy likes them or not. This by the way is a great topic in a conversation if you want to display your awareness on how attraction works. It gives the woman the impression that you are in control of what you are doing, and that you are doing all the things consciously to ATTRACT the woman. When you talk about it you build trust because you are not hiding anything which is the essential of “Open Game”.
