Jon Sinn and Carlos Xuma Present:
Beyond Seduction: 3 Days To Confidence And Techniques With Women
October 22-24, 2010 © Sinns of Attraction LLC
The 5 Ways To Get The Most Out Of Your Experience 1. Take Notes. Break your hand if you need to, ask me to repeat things or give you more time. The notes are what you pay for on your bootcamp. You should should have At least least 10-12 pages per day. 2. Don’t argue, just do. Everything an instructor tells you to do has a reason behind it. Sometimes it may be counterintuitive counterintuitive or not make sense to you. Don’t worry about that, instead just do what we tell you to do without arguing. 3. Be willing to Be Honest With Yourself And Your Instructors. There are parts of your personality that are not n ot helpful or meeting and attracting women. You have to be willing to look at yourself and how you communicate objectively without getting your feelings hurt in order to improve. 4. Be process oriented, not results oriented. Don’t worry about how any of the other students are doing or if the instructors think you’re cool. Focus on the process of meeting girls, and the results will take care of themselves. 5. The Comfort Zone is the enemy. Your body will try to trick and make you feel like you are going to die if you do something outside of your comfort zone. But it is only by changing our comfort zone that we can improve our lives.
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Notes On Female Psychology I. The Key to understanding the relationship between evolution and attraction can be stated thusly. Women are evolutionarily programmed to seek ou t the sperm(and consequently man) who will offer the best chance at helping her have healthy(and sexy) sons and daughters. Subconsciously this causes wo men to sort men into two categories, Lovers and Providers. Furthermore the difference between a lover and a provider often comes down to the man’s ability to demonstrate d emonstrate dominance. Dominance is THE factor that causes attraction, as women are evolutionarily programmed to seek out dominant men. If you want to learn more about evolutionary biology I suggest The Red Queen by Matt Ridley, Sperm Wars by Robin Baker, and The Selfish Gene by b y Richard Dawkins. II. Another factor to understand is the power of the female female sex drive. Society has been set up in a way to make it seem as if men are the only gender that enjoys sex. This could not be further from the truth. Additionally women d o not experience their sexual peak until the age of 32 while men experience their sexual peak at the tender age of 18. That means women are continually becoming more sexual until the age of 32. To learn more about the female sex drive check out Nancy Friday’s My Secret Garden, Erotic Surrender by Claudia Varrin and the Story Of O by Pauline Reage. III. Triune Brain Theory Mammalian- Wraps around Reptialian. Limbic system. Hippocampus and th e amygdala. Power station of our desires and motivations. Controls bonding and complex emotions such as jealousy, envy and love. Reptilian- In charge of fight or flight instinct and automatic functions, also helps determine hierarchies and our need to dominate and one up others. Cerebral Cortex- Controls Logic IV. Logic Vs Emotion All people make emotional decisions and then come up with logical arguments to support them. What a woman says, indicates what she logicall y thinks she wants. What a woman does indicates what she REALLY wants V. Sexual Arousal Arousal is a combination of the Limbic and Reptilian brain. There are physical ph ysical things happening as a woman becomes attracted. Arousal is an autonomic function. © Sinns of Attraction LLC
Arousal must have the appropriate perceptual filter on it, in order for a woman to act on it(Credit SwinngCat for the wording). Each Brain system acts as a filter; logical- “He’s my type”, Emotional(limbic) Jealousy or Compeitition. Reptilian- Fear builds arousal. Women are sexually aroused multiple times a day but are not given the right desires to act on this arousal. VI. Attraction is the feeling of wanting someone an d the compulsion to act on that desire. Attraction is a feeling, which means that it is transient and can end at any time. Attraction in and of itself is useless without the proper amount of investment. This is why investment and not attraction is the secret to seducing women. Attraction exists only as a tool to increase a woman’s amount of investment in the man. VII. Girls just want to have FUN! Emotional Stimulation- What you gets you the girl is one thing and one thing only, THE WAY YOU MAKE HER FEEL! Fun is the ULTIMATE attraction switch. The Roles Emotions have with women and pickup Using emotions to relate, ground yourself, and establish an identity for the woman. VIII. Sexual Needs
Need to Mate- Biological when arousal is triggered. Need for sexual pleasure- Harder for women to orgasm. Need to feel worthy and attractive- Women need to be validated for their looks no matter how attractive they are. Women will sleep with men they are not attracted to for bragging rights and validation. Think rock stars, athletes, politicians. Need to be seduced- Women want to be overtaken and seduced b y a powerful men. Need to be a good lover or seducer- Women also want to be seductress Need to make you orgasm- Women need to feel like they are the cause of your sexual pleasure. Ask female friends if they would be ok if they had an orgasm everytime they had sex but their partner never did. IX. The Emotions Of Sexual Arousal © Sinns of Attraction LLC
Fear- Comes from the same part of the brain as arousal and our fight or flight reflex comes from. Helplessness- The surrendering of all power triggers arousal Discontent- A restless desire for something better; Obstacles build attraction/arousal. Creating a void within the woman. Fear of loss- taking away something a woman assumes she already has…
X. The Dilemma of Being an attractive woman. The Ticking time bomb theory Biological Clocks Familial and Social Pressure. XI. Societal Expectations and Pressures. Judgement and Sexuality The Disney Myth The “slut” conundrum Queen Bees and Wannabees the art of female social compeition Clubs and The Prom, the psychology behind social climbing. XII. The Female Sexual Cycle Committed Relationship- Fulfilled Sexually, Emotionally and Intellectually, not interested in cheating. In a Relationship but looking- Not fulfilled on all three levels has a need to be filled. On the Rebound- Broken up and depressed, may have a fling for a few weeks before returning to her last boyfriend or moving on. Being Single- Going on dates, hooking up, having new sex, not necessarily interested in a relationship. On a Boyfriend Hunt- Ready to get back into a committed relationship. © Sinns of Attraction LLC
The Fundamentals Of Approaching And Attracting Women Body Language is how you hold and use your body to subcommunicate with the people you are interactiong with.
Body Positioning is where you stand and what angles you use to face women. The person who is the most comfortable, and moves the least has the most social power. Let’s divide Body Language into a few categories. 1. Your Walk. You want to make sure that you stand tall and straight as you walk. Hold your chest high as if an imaginary piece of string was pulling it up. Ke ep your head high and tilt your nose back almost as if you are looking down on the world. Make sure that you keep your shoulders low and loose. They should swing a little as you walk. You want to make sure that you lead with your hips and not your knees or shoulders. You should almost swagger a little from side to side like an old west gunfighter. Lastly make sure that you slow everything down by half and smile. 2. Posture. Make sure that you don’t lean in from the front or peck. Have students demonstrate the effect of leaning in. If you have to lean in to hear, try leaning in from the side. Ideally you want to lean up against something like a bar or a chair and have the girl lean in to talk to you. 3. Nervous movements and gestures. This could be anything from talking with your hands too much, to shifting nervously from foot t o foot. You want to eliminate all communication which is not directly related to what you are trying to convey. The meaning of communication is the response it receives.
4. Mirroring. Mirroring is an age old technique for building rapport. To mirror means that you hold and adjust your body language and positioning to match the woman you’re talking to. 5. Spacial relevance. This refers to how close you get to a woman as your talking to her and how much you invade her space. This can be done by cutting in, or using push/pull.
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The 5 rules of Body Positioning. 1. You want to make sure to keep an off center angle as you approach. Try not to approach too directly as it can be intimidating. Also be aware of the space around you. If a club is crowded you can get much closer to a girl without it seeming weird. Likewise if it isn’t busy you don’t want to get too close and spook a girl. 2. Invade people’s personal space to get them to open up. If a group is very tightly packed you are going to want to make sure that you invade their space slightly then step back in order to open the group up. 3. Locking in. You always want to make sure that you are in the middle of the group ideally leaning up against something Mystery called this locking in. Demonstrate and do drill. 4. If You approach a seated group, use a time constraint and sit down with them asap. Do not kneel in front of them or lean over them. 5. Try to make the woman face you a little bit more than you are facing her. Make her be the one trying to fight for your attention. Switch up the angles at which you are standing at in order to draw a woman in to you. Start from a normal position and then back away and say “no you’re trouble!” then when she comes after you touch her as a reward.
Vocal Tonality: Vocal Tonality is extremely important for a variety of reasons. Let’s look at what makes up vocal tonality. 1. Be Loud (Vocal Projection)! This is the most important component of vocal tonality, you can have the best game in the world but if no one can hear you, it’s useless. The first key to speak from the diaphragm rather than the throat. Have students locate diaphragm. The second key is to speak on the exhale as the power for your voice comes from your breath. And the last key is to make sure you talk one person behind the person you want to hear you. 2. Slow down. The tempo at which you speak is extremely important. Try slowing down your normal speaking speed by half, and then slowing that down again by half. Be sure to enunciate as well. Pay particular attention to the final consonan ts of words. My buddy Brad P has a list of types of voice tone to develop that I’ve borrowed here: 1. Authoritative Voice- This voice is loud, clear and deep. Think Tony Robbins. 2. Baby Talk Voice- This voice is similar to the way you would speak to a small child or a pet. This is useful for teasing. © Sinns of Attraction LLC
3. Stage Voice- This is the same voice you would have normally except two to three times as loud. The key is that you DON’T sound like you are screaming, 4. The Bedroom Voice- This is a sexy, slow, breathy voice similar to a phone sex operator. This voice is used for triggering arousal even if you are talking about something a sexual. To get the best results with vocal tonality hav e a friend record you while he asks you normal everyday questions. The tape doesn’t lie. Rapport and Tonality- Your tonality will indicate the level of rapport you are trying to establish with the person you are talking to. When you are trying to establish rapport your voice tone will shift up slightly as if asking a question. When you are neutral to rapport, your voice tone will stay steady all the way through. When you are breaking rapport your voice tone will edge down slightly. Ideally you want to keep your voice neutral or slightly breaking rapport.
Different Types Of Openers: Opinion Openers: Drunk “I Love You’s” This is a good opener for moving directly onto the topic of relationships and setting yourself up for later more detailed Comfort routines on your philosophies on dating, love, and relationships. “Hey, do you guys think drunk “I love you’s” count?” (They respond.) “OK, check this out… my friend Nick got really drunk last night and told his girlfriend that he loved her, then this morning he took it back. Do you think he meant it?” (They respond.) © Sinns of Attraction LLC
“Here’s my take. When you’re drunk you say things that you actually mean but are afraid to say, so I told her that he probably meant it but just need more time to say it sober.” Engaged Friend This opener has a little drama in it and is short and quick for stimulating interest. “My friend is about to marry a girl I can’t stand. How do I tell him not to?” (They comment.) “It’s not even that I don’t like her. I get along with her just fine… It’s just that he doesn’t get along with her. It’s like oil and water. They fight all the time. You probably know couples like that.” (They comment.) Like you and me… (To the woman you’re attracted to, smiling) We’d never get along. I can already tell… Move into a Transition or Relationship–related routine. Text Message Breakup Opener: “Is it wrong to break up with someone with a text message?” (They will often ask how long you’ve been together.) “It’s only been like three months. Nothing serious, but I just received an email from her live–in boyfriend asking me ‘Are you sleeping with my girlfriend?’ I had no idea about this guy…” (Here you can go one of two ways based on your assessment of the woman.) If she seems like a potential girlfriend: Follow–On 1: “So, obviously I need to cut her loose but I © Sinns of Attraction LLC
don’t want to make a big deal out of it and get into it about her lying to me and such, so a text message seems like the easiest solution.” If she seems more adventurous: Follow–On 2: “It did seem to be going a little too perfectly. I usually can’t just sleep with a girl for 3 months without getting the ‘Let’s make this more serious’ talk. Now I know why she was able to stay so casual without giving me an
Direct Openers: You’re hot, you should talk to me.”
“You guys seem cool… Are you friendly?”
(If she’s giving you eye contact.) “Don’t look at me like that or I’ll fall in love.”
“If you’re going to look at me like that, you should at least talk to me.”
“Are you (guys) shy, or something?” (They respond.) “Because we’ve been here for almost 15 minutes and you haven’t even come over and said, ‘Hi’ yet.”
"Here's the deal, I've been looking around this place, and I've come to the conclusion that you are the only girl here who's cute enough for me to talk to. So great, now we're talking." Brad P., Founder, Brad P.
Other: © Sinns of Attraction LLC
This opener is very much in the “Brad P.” style of a highenergy approach that combines humor with attraction-building material. He calls these sorts of openers “shockers.” “Hey do you like horses?” (She responds.) “Hmm, I thought so. OK, check this out, when I was in the 6th grade, there was this girl who loved horses. She used to run around the playground for an hour straight at lunchtime. She’d be galloping and making horse noises. We used to call her the weird horse girl… You look JUST LIKE HER!” (She responds.) “It’s cool. If it was me I wouldn’t admit it either. Now I’m not saying you’re definitely her, but just in case you are, I want to tell you I’m sorry for all the times I made fun of you. See, in school I was always one of the cool kids. And I used to make fun of the horse girl. Now I’m older and more mature, and I feel bad. So do you forgive me?” (She will usually mock forgive you.) Hug, Hug, Hug. Brad P. High Five Opener This one is good for loud bars and clubs as a way to come in at a high energy level and take over the group while adding value to its members. Walk up to the first woman and say: “You’re awesome; high five.” Then high five her. Look at second woman and say: “You know what, you’re awesome too; high five.” Then when she goes to high five you, you make her miss your hand completely and say: © Sinns of Attraction LLC
“Ohhh! You fell for the oldest one in the book.” This routine can be used to meet additional women. If you talk to the first group of women for a while and you’re not interested in them, have them help you approach another group, like this: “I still can’t believe you fell for my high five jok e! How many girls in here do you think would fall for that?” (She responds.) “How about that girl?” (Point out someone else.) (She answers.) “OK you go stand next to her, I’ll high five you first, and we’ll see if she falls for it.” Now go run the routine on a second woman or group of women. Talk to the new woman, or women, until the first woman goes away. If she stays too long, it just makes you look cooler. Brad P. Quality Control Opener Use this opener for large groups or groups that seem to be particularly difficult to break into. It can be delivered dryly, but make sure there is a subtle amount of humor and selfawareness in your delivery, so they know you are joking. “Hi. I’m from – (name of bar/restaurant/parking garage)– quality control. I’d like to know if your ex perience with us has been average, bettter than average, or crappier than average?” At this point, most women will play along and give you a funny little review of the place. This is role playing. Using the phrase “crappier than average” communicates to the women that this is just a fun little game. Brad P. © Sinns of Attraction LLC
This is an older article I wrote about some opening related issues guys have. There’s some outdated lingo and jargon talk but the message is still correct. Use this as review after the bootcamp.
Opening Related Sticking Points: Having taught seminars and workshops, I’ve seen literally hundreds of guys learn and develop their game. It's a lot of fun, but part of the fun is in helping people. And a lot of people have the same sorts of issues, regarding body language, tonality, social intuition, pacing, etc. Another big issue is Opening. This is kind o f puzzling, since even some guys who are good at building attraction or creating comfort hav e flaws in their opening. It's like trying to drive a car without being able to unlock the door. Don't worry about how the transmission works until you can unlock the car door and get inside. Even newbies should be able to successfully 99% of the time. It's not even something you should be thinking about anymore. Drawing on my experience with bootcamps, pretty much everyone is able to open successfully in most sets after just the first night. So that tells me that a couple hours of concentrated instruction and practice should be able to get you there. Before we go any further, we need one quick definition. A "successful" opening is one where you can approach a stranger or group of strangers and initiate the conversation in such a way that they are content to have you stay and talk further. It takes 3-30 seconds. Anyway, here are a couple of quick thoughts about some common problems and solutions I've seen: 1. They don't know what to say. 2. They don't know where to stand to not creep out the girl or the group 3. They don't know what to do after the opener THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY This issue is the most easily solved. Everyone who is serious about the game needs at least one default opener. This applies if you are going direct, indirect or some amalgamation of the two. A default opener is absolutely crucial – it's something that you always have on the tip of your tongue and that you can use unless there is a specific reason why you'd want to use a different one. Imagine that, right now, the woman of your dreams is in front of you, looking at you expectantly. What would your opener be? If the © Sinns of Attraction LLC
answer to that isn't obvious, isn't instinctive, and isn't purely reactive, then here's your first opportunity to improve your game, right now. Openers range from simple to complex. Some of my favorites include Style's jealous GF opener, Will's "You are so..." opener, and Mystery's "I hate you" opener (use only on 9s and 10s). However, you can also keep it very simple. Try this one: "Did you guys see the fight outside?" Remember - all an opener does is initiate the chat. There is no "sure fire get laid" opener (and, if there is, email it to me ). All your opener needs to do is get you started in a conversation with a girl or a group. So pick one today and solve this first problem. Before we go onto #2, let's take a quick detour into situational openers. A situational opener is based around something specific going on at the time. Like "it's hot in here" or "what is that green drink he's making". They can be good (though these ones aren't), but most often they suck. If there is something that immediately stands out to you about the girl or situation, ignore it. Why? Because it's also o ccurred to the last 5 guys who approached her, and they've said it before you did. So, if you're going to go situational, make sure it's not something obvious. THEY DON'T KNOW WHERE TO STAND TO NOT CREEP OUT THE GIRL OR THE GROUP When opening, it is crucial to be aware of personal space. When you are approaching a stranger or group of strangers it can be easy to get too close and activate their "fight or flight" reflex. Have you ever gotten into an argument where you and another person were up in each other's faces, ready to throw down? Do you remember that "butterflies in the chest" feeling where you weren't sure if you wanted to punch the guy or get the hell out of there? Women get a similar feeling when approached by men whom they don't know. If you approach straight on (as opposed to at an angle…it is better to approach at an angle of course, but sometimes this is unavoidable), make sure you stay far enough back that you don't trigger this response. Of course, it is preferable to approach at an angle, over the shoulder, and with your body language turned away. This allows us to get much closer without activating the response. Also, try opening while walking by the girl or group - the very fact that it initially looks like you're about to leave will help reduce her feelings of discomfort. However, make sure you eventually turn and face her or them! Don't be one minute into the conversation, and still talking over your shou lder. That looks weird. THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AFTER THE OPENER
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Some of the most interesting situations arise when a boo tcamp student starts to "get it" during the first night and is able to open seamlessly and consistently. Some of them think they've then won the grand prize. Like I said above, successfully opening is like successfully unlocking the car door. It's necessary, but then you have to get in the car and drive. But after a few dozen successful openers, you won't even think about it anyway, the same way you don't even think about unlocking your car door. ( The biggest thing to remember is to keep talking after the opener, and JUMP TO A NEW THREAD. Openers are great for starting conversations, but terrible for building attraction. As soon as you have opened successfully, start talking about something that will get her interested in you. Don't stand there like a dummy unlocking the car door all day. Get in the damn thing and drive! In the beginning you are going to have to do most of the talking. While you are leading the conversation, you may start to see IOIs ( Indicators of Interest) from the girl/s. These can be as simple as them investing energy in the conversation or asking you questions.
Social Comfort Social Comfort is the first stage of any interaction you a re going to have with a stranger be it male or female. Social comfort refers to the ability to make someone comfortable in having a conversation with you. It does not mean they are attracted to you, but simply that they will continue to talk with you because you haven’t done anything weird, creepy or socially unacceptable. You must have social comfort before you can begin the process of breaking rapport to build attraction. There are a variety of techniques to help establish social comfort, here is a short list:
1. Conversational Ratio- Making sure to have the correct conversational ratio throughout the conversation 75(us) 25(them) for the first few minutes then gradually as you get into comfort you want to let the girl do the majority of the talking. 2. Questions versus statements- Asking too many questions early on violates the rule of reciprocity. Early in a conversation if you want to ask a question try to rephrase it as a statement. For example “Where are you from?” Becomes, “ You seem like an east coast girl”. 3. Social Questions- These are questions which do not hurt you as they are examples of accepted situationally relevant conversation. Examples “ what’s on the agenda for later?” “ what brought you guys out tonight?” “ Who are you shopping for?” © Sinns of Attraction LLC
4. Transitioning between topics- There are a number of ways to transition here’s a few: a. Using a phrasal transition like “ That’s just like when” “That reminds me of”, “Check this out” b. Making an observation like for example “ You totally look like m y friend Michelle who… c. Using a role-play- You know what I’m gonna do with you guys? I’m gonna dress you up in a red PVC devil constume and you in a white angel costume, then I’ll walk with you guys down the street arm in arm and whenever I have a decision to make, I’ll let you guys fight it out over what’s going to be more fun. d. How much you should talk about yourself and how- Understanding the rules of volunteering information as well as understanding the difference between bragging and sharing. e. Observing- Using observations. The best categories for observations are clothing, energy, smiles, general mood. f. Regional references- Every region has different things that it’s known for think south and cowboys, new york and rude people in a hurry, Miami and drug dealers. By using references to the region you’re in you create a small amount of rapport. g. Current Events- Ditto by being in the know on things girls care about namely TV shows, Celebrity gossip, sex scandals, new workout crazes and fashion. h.
Pacing- Demonstrating an understanding of her ex perience in order to demonstrate authority in her world.
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Interactivity and check ins- Making sure to inv olve every member of the group in the conversation rather than throwing routines or lines at them. Here you use things like check ins( you know what I mean?) bait ( you know what they say about girls with nose rings?) and auxillary questions( has anything like that happened to you?)
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Grounding yourself, the night etc- Grounding is the idea of telling someone a story about yourself that helps them to understand how you are going to act in the future.
k. Relating- Is the idea of taking something the other person was talking about and relating it to an experience you’ve had in your life through the form of a short story. © Sinns of Attraction LLC
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Using names- Making sure to use the other person’s name is a great trick to help establish social comfort.
m. Talking about your interests List of 10 things I enjoy talking about 1. 2. 3. 4.
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10. List of 10 things I could learn about that I know women like talking about:
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List of 10 Things I want women to know about me:
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15. Enthusiasm- Speaking enthusiastically will help make WHATEVER you are talking about more interesting. You have to believe your own bullshit so to speak. 16. Positivity- Keeping a positive tone to the conversation will help establish social comfort. Try using the following phrases: You know what’s awesome? You know what I love? I found the best… today! 17. Genuine interest- Demonstrating a genuine interest in what the other person has to say is one of the fastest ways to establish social co mfort. Use active listening skills and paraphrasing to demonstrate your interest. 18. Self commentary- Is the act of giving a running commentary on how the interaction is going. For example “ oh man I shouldn’t have said that, can we rewing?” 19. Relaxed tone- Speaking in a relaxed calm manner with a neutral to breaking rapport tonality will help establish social comfort.
Manipulating Levels Of Rapport: Rapport is one of the most important features or characteristics of unconscious human interaction. It is commonality of perspective: being "in sync" with, o r being "on the same wavelength" as the person with whom you are talking. In the beginning we want to open neutral to rapport, or even slightly breaking it. Then we want to use our social comfort techniques to establish the bare minimum of amount of rapport needed to continue a conversation at which point we want to break rapport consciously in order to gain momentum moving into the attraction part of an interaction.
5 Ways To Break Rapport: 1. Teasing- The most common way to break rapport especially early on in the interaction. 2. Refusing to answer questions/playing hard to get. © Sinns of Attraction LLC
3. Doing body language take-aways- Backturns, pushing her away etc… 4. Going sexual
5. Take-Aways and Jealousy Plotlines
Let’s zoom in on one of the biggest problems guys have with breaking rapport:
Teasing: The first technique that we’re going to be talking about is the Push-Pull. This is our classic in the community, I talked about how this is what I’ll use in the very beginning of an approach to really get the girl willing to listen to my attraction material. So push-pulls are again, just like the name, you push the girl with a tease and then you pull her back, or you pull the girl in with a compliment and then you push her away. So I’ll give you guys a couple of my favorite push-pulls. I’ll say something like: Oh my God, you’re like the meanest girl in here, I love you. That’s really good because you’re calling her mean and then you’re saying that you like her. You’re also giving her approval for being mean, so it’s again, push-pull. I like to really start out with compliments because I find that if you start out with a compliment and the girl accepts it and you don’t have to do the second part of push, then you’re a lot further along than if you start out with a push and the girl accepts it, then you have to kind of battle back and forth in this teasing war, whereas if the girl just accepts a compliment right away, that’s kind of a good frame for me to work with, then I can move forward. I’m always trying to move forward, I don’t want to do anything extra that I don’t have to do. Efficiency is very key here. So I might say something like: you seem like a really, really down to earth girl, or down to earth group—I just hope you’re not boring. Again, give the compliment, take it away, that’s a really good one: You seem really down to earth, I just hope you’re not boring, just don’t bore me, I need a lot of stimulation, I’m not sure you could keep up. Here’s another one where you start with a compliment, this one I could be like: Oh my God, you have the cutest dimple, I hate cute. That’s a really good one, again, I hate cute, because now she’s like you’re telling her she’s something good, but then you’re saying you don’t like that, so it’s a really good example for push-pull. You have a really cute smile, really cute dimple, really facial expression—I hate cute. Get away from me, I hate cute; and again no girl is going to actually think you hate cute, but it’s competent flirting, you’re not just hitting her with no respect for her comfort. © Sinns of Attraction LLC
Another thing that you can do with techniques is Nicknames. Nicknames are great because they allow you thing to have call-back humor you can call her that all night so it’s kind of alike a constant tease. You also can use it to differentiate yourself from other guys when you talk to her the next day on the phone, they’re real short little things you can throw out really, really rapidly. A couple of ones I like: dork, princess, brat, kitten, smart-ass, pain in the ass. Those are just really easy simple ones, you don’t have to overthink those: sport, tiger, buttercup; anything that a 90-year-old waitress, like a real old school deli would call you. Sweetheart, buttercup, sport, anything like that, those are all going to work. Just think kind of condescending cutesy nickname. Kitten, like I said, princess, dork, brat-face is one I’ve used for a while; anything like that will be funny and you can use for the rest of the night, so that’s also something to keep in mind. The next I want to talk about is the idea of Disqualifiers. Now disqualifiers are really misunderstood in the community and they’re taught mostly wrong in terms of application. So let’s start off with what a disqualifier is. A disqualifier is a reason why you and the girl could not be together. Now disqualifiers are brilliant! They’re great, amazing, awesome techniques when you use them the right way. Because in giving a girl a reason why the two of you can’t be together, or why it would never work out, or why she’s not your type, or why you wouldn’t date her, you’re going to assume that that’s a possibility on the map, and so by making that assumption, you now start to make it real in the interaction. If I say something like: Oh my God, I would never date you, you’re way too bossy. Now it’s the idea that she might want to date me, it’s present in the conversation. The idea that the two of us might date is now brought to life, and a spotlight has shone on it, as my buddy Captain Jack would say, so it assumes this relationship plus you’re the one saying it wouldn’t work, so you’ve retained your power. Now you add to that the fact that barriers build attraction. If you look at every major love story going back to Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, every romance novel, there’s a reason that the hero and the heroine cannot be together. If you look into the psychological world, we as humans tend to want what we can’t have, that’s basic human psychology. They did a study with children in the 70s where they gave them four different blocks. There were four toys of the exact same kind, they were building blocks. One was blue, one was green, one was red, and one was yellow, I think; and they told the kids that they could play with any block they wanted except for the blue block. Then they left them with the blocks. Which block did you think the kid went for every single time, the blue block, because we as humans like when you tell someone they can’t have something, or do something even if they didn’t want it, you now want it because you can’t have it. So disqualifiers really play on that because even if the girl wasn’t thinking she liked you, or that she wanted you in that way, when you give her a reason why the two of you can’t be together, she’s now going to think: Wait, maybe I did want that. Even better if she does kind of like you then these disqualifiers work even better because now she’s like, wait, no I like this, I don’t want to lose; and that’s even better. © Sinns of Attraction LLC
So the key with disqualifiers is you don’t want to disqualify them for something that they can’t really change or that’s like physical. So you don’t want to say something like: You’re really pretty, it’s too bad you’re not my type. Because that’s really hardcore and that’s going to really disqualify the girl and she can possibly think, okay this guy wouldn’t actually be attracted to me, that’s a shame, and now you’ve lost attainability and that’s no good. Instead you would want to say something like: It would never work out between us, we live in the same apartment complex, and all the neighbors would talk. That’s something where, it’s not really definable, there’s not really a tangible thing to fight against, it’s just a barrier that amplifies the attraction. So you don’t want to disqualify for physical, you don’t want to disqualify for not being your type, you don’t want to say: too bad I’m gay. You don’t want to say, too bad I have a girlfriend. Any of those really kind of lock you out in a more difficult to get around way, and they’ll come back to bite you later on. So instead, you want your disqualifiers to be kind of funny and obviously, again, not actual disqualifiers but even by just giving these teasing funny disqualifiers, the girl will feel emotionally that that push that we want her to feel, that again, you’re playful, you’re not intimidated, and you’re going to work in your own kind of control. You’re not desperate to get with you, you put in reasons why you shouldn’t be together instead of trying to be like, we should be together all the time, we have so much in common; and again that’s going to be more attractive. It stands out and it gives her something to push against, like we talked about earlier in this CD, because now she can try to convince you that the disqualifier doesn’t matter. So here are a few of my favorite disqualifiers: This is the one I do a lot of: Oh my god you love being the center of attention. Attention holders never get along, we can’t be friends; and again said very playfully: Oh my god you love being the center of attention, attention holders never get along, we can’t be friends. And again, if I wanted to make that longer I could, if I wanted to make it a little bit shorter I could. Again, I like to also disqualify for things that are good about them, that’s another really good technique because you take something that most people would really be happy for, and you disqualify the girl for it. so I’ll say something like: You know what, you are really smart, I can already tell talking to you, you’re way too smart, this would never work out, you’d be able to figure out all my tricks. Like when I told you I was going out with my friends, you’d want to know where, you’d want to know why I was hanging out with girls at a strip club—this would just never work. You should know better anyway. I’ll even do that sometimes with girls’ ages. I’d be: Oh, you’re 26, okay, you’re old enough to know better, this won’t work. Like 21 and 22, they’re dumb enough to still fall for my tricks, you’d see right through, it would never work. Again, funny disqualifies you, doesn’t lock you out. She’s not going to be: Oh, I’m going to be stupid, you never know, some girls fall for things.
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Another one I like is the power couple, this is one I do a lot, I’d be like: Wow, you know, me and you are like the two coolest people in here, we could never get together because everyone would hate use—like literally the entire club would split into like two factions to dislike us because they’d be like it’s unfair that the two of them are together, so it would never work out. Again, what does that say, if we were together everyone would be jealous of us; we’re really awesome, but we really shouldn’t be together. Again those are really well-constructed disqualifiers, these are the ones I use myself in day to day pick up so I know they work. Check those out, I hope that makes everyone understand disqualification a little bit better because it is one of those things that is immensely powerful, but guys just don’t get it because of the way it was taught for years, and years and years, is that you have to disqualify yourself as a potential suitor because if you showed any interest in the girl whatsoever, then the world would grind to a halt and she will no longer be attracted. I like to just use it as a fun way to put barriers between us to create sexual tension, and to make her want to break the barrier down. Also, False Time Constraints. This is another thing that I’ll use to tease girls with. These are not, again, the typical Mystery Method, Neil Straus The Game, definition of a false time constraint which is that you would throw those in really early on in your approach so that the girls would think you’re not going to stay there and bother them all night. I think that kind of comes from low self-esteem thinking in my opinion. I don’t think most girls are thinking when a cool, well-dressed, socially adjusted guy walks up to them, how long is this guy going to take. They do if you start boring the shit out of them, but I think girls will give you a few minutes. But false time constraints can be really funny as a way to tease a group; for example if I’m talking to girls and they’re not really giving me much to work with, I could be like: Wow, well this is really interesting but I’ve got to go because I’ve got to feed my cat, or I’ve got to go wash my hair. Another thing you can do is you can back turn, that’s kind of the physical manifestation of this. That’s really good if the girl says, or does something that you can mock anger at. If you’re like: Do you like the band [inaudible], and she goes, “Yeah, I love [inaudible]”. Oh my God you love the [inaudible]—and my back-turner. And back-turners when you do them should be really big and over the top. If you guys want to post a message on the lounge to Sinn’s Inner Circle Board which you guys have membership to when you’re in this monthly CD series and I’ll post the video of a backturn, I have some video of it, it’s hard to explain over audio. But if you guys hit me up on that lounge I’ll definitely post a video of it. They work really nicely because again, the girl should not actually think you’re walking away, or that you’re back-turning her and shunning her. It should be funny and over the top, like: It can’t be. Like a big over the top comedy performance of a back-turn. Another one I do sometimes is: Wow it’s really nice to meet you and you, and then I’ll act like I’m going to walk off without saying goodbye to the girl that I’m interested in. That’s another really fun one. So that’s another way to tease: Oh, my God, look at the © Sinns of Attraction LLC
time, I’ve really got to be getting home or I’ll turn into a pumpkin by midnight. Those are all really good. The last thing I want to talk about as a technique is the idea of Sexualized Teasing. Sexualized teasing is really good because it starts to open the frame of sexuality. A lot of the times when you introduce sexuality with humor it’s going to get a much better response than if you try to introduce sexuality raw; so I like to start introducing sexuality into the interaction quickly by using kind of sexualized teasing to mess with the girl break rapport, and also demonstrate that I’m a sexual being, that there some sort of sexual something between us and that again, I’m still in control and I still am a little bit cooler than her. So one thing I’ll do for sexual teasing is she’ll say something kind of bratty, and I’ll be like: Give me your hand and I’ll slap, and I’ll just slap lightly on the top of the hand and that’s a really good way to sexually tease the girl, like she’s being punished. The classic tease that I’m known for: I don’t know who your last boyfriend was but he obviously didn’t spank you enough. Calling the girls naughty, like: Oh my God, you’re naughty, I need to stay away from you; I don’t want to be around you when the lights go off. Saying: “Daddy is talking”; when they interrupt you is a another fun sexualized tease. Saying: Don’t mess with me little girl, you won’t walk straight for a month. That’s another really good one. Another one I’ll do: Look if you ever need to throw your panties at me, you know, please try to contain yourself, I understand that I have this effect on women, try to control yourself for a few more minutes. Or, things like: I would wreck you don’t start, you will not be able to handle it, and once I break out the mask into like three other people, you’ll be running for the hills, you really don’t want to go there sweetie. All of those introduce sexuality in a fun way. So those are the seven techniques for teasing. You’ve got: Push-Pulls o o Nicknames Disqualifiers o False Time Constraints o Going Sexual o
The 5 Frames for Teasing: 1.
I’m out of your league
2. She’s a sexual predator 3. She’s messing up with you © Sinns of Attraction LLC
4. I’m trouble and She’s crazy
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Skill No. 1 was Teasing. We talked about why its important, that it passively sets frames, it shows you think you’re cooler than the girl, it keep things playful, etcetera. I also gave you three teasers at the beginning of the CD. Skill No. 2 was Touching. We talked about why touching is such a huge part of attraction, and also why you can’t go too far in a group because if you go too far you cut into her anti-slug defense and she doesn’t want to look slutty in front of her friends. So always release the touching and that’s the big lesson there. We talked about Story Telling; story telling is really important for sharing information, relating to people, everything like that. We also gave you the three endings that attraction stories should have: a laugh, an awe, or that’s interesting. Next we talked about Cold Reads—skill No. 4, why they’re important. They demonstrate understanding of women, they make you an authority, they give her something to push against or accept sub-personality-wise. I gave you three really good cold reads which you can use tonight. We talked about Group Dynamics the fifth skill—being able to handle different types of groups; singles, two sets, three-plus sets. Skill No. 6 we talked about was Body Language. Relaxed body language, you want it to be a 7 out of 10. No nervous twitches, no extra movement. Skill No. 7 was Frame Control: Frame control is super-important because you want to control where the interaction is focused. Next we talked about being Non-Reactive. We talked about the difference between non-reactive and non-expressive, it doesn’t mean you sit there like Clint Eastwood, it means you’re not thrown off of your overall game plan, and you’re not going to have emotional reactions to other people.
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We talked about Locking In and becoming the social center of the group, making sure that everyone’s paying attention to you and that you re-form the group. We talked about Role Playing, and how it’s great and gets girls out of the current environment and allows you to do a whole bunch of things at once. I gave you two of my favorite role plays, the past girlfriend and the romantic date. We talked about Cocky Funny; and how there are three basic techniques that are good on that. Giving funny answers, acting like she wants you when she’s acting like she wants you; and breaking up with her. You know, having those fun little back and forth of screening questions. We talked about Delivery—Open loops and pauses, really important for making sure that you have good delivery to keep everyone’s attention and attraction. We talked about Pre-Selection. Pre-selection is a very important concept, it’s something that you need to install into your interactions because girls need to know that other girls like you, very important, both verbally and demonstrated. We talked about Leading. We talked about the three ways you need to lead; verbally, physically, logistically. We talked about isolation being the first step in leading. We talked about Humor; humor is huge it’s one of the things that, like I said, every guy has when it comes to being successful with women. I gave you a few little things to work on humor-wise and some suggestions as to how to become funnier in general. We talked about why Understanding Women is so important. Cold reads are a great way to demonstrate understanding of women by the way. We talked about Handling Congruence Test, the three-step model for handling congruence test: o o o
Agree Absurdify Change the subject.
Really simple, never need to worry about getting tested ever again, that’s all you need to do. •
We talked about Willing to Walk Away, very, very important. Demonstrating that you’re not too into the interaction, making her jealous, giving her that fear of loss is something that really adds turbo fuel to your attraction phase.
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We talked about the proper Conversation Ratio 90:10 for first 3 to 5 minutes, slowly evening out through the process of qu alification. Qualifying the girl as to how you’re going to get her to start talking more about herself, and don’t be afraid to kind of bring up the fact that you’ve been talking a lot once you have attraction. You could go: I feel like you know so much about me and I know nothing about you. We talked about Vocal Projection, and why that’s important. Blowing people over with your voice, using your breath to breathe the words out faster and harder, this is really important because if they can’t hear you, then the best game in the world and it doesn’t matter.
Qualification What is Qualification? Qualification is the most important phase of a pick up in my personal opinion. It’s not really even a phase, it’s actually the way that you move between the phases. Qualification in its most basic form is the opposite of the attraction phase. In the attraction phase, we want to demonstrate things to girls that show them that they should be attracted to us. This is where your storytelling, your swagger attraction system for natural attraction comes in, the four characteristics, all of that stuff in the first phase—the attraction phase, because we have to make girls attracted to us before we start hitting on them for the most part. So in qualification, we want to get the girl to tell us cool things about her, so that we can start demonstrating interest.
The Three Types of Qualification: (1) Teasing Qualification (2) Compliance-based Qualification (3) And Sexual Qualification So we’ll start with Teasing Qualification. Teasing qualification is great, and I’ve already talked about it a little bit, because it helps to set to set passive frames. By teasingly qualifying a girl, by saying something like, “You know, you guys seem really cool, but can you cook?” You’re now setting the frame that you’re funny, you’re playful, you’re not taking this too seriously. It opens the door for a ton of role plays, for example, if I go into a 2-set, and I go, “Hey, I know this is really random, but I had to come meet your friend, is that alright with you?” And I say that to the obstacle. Then I go, “Wait, actually I’m not sure if I’d need your permission yet, because as pretty as she is, can she cook?” And they laugh, now I can spring into a role play and go, “Oh! You guys are laughing, © Sinns of Attraction LLC
you must not be able to cook; that’s horrible, we’re so broken up. I really did like the fact that you gave massages, and took care of me when I got home, but you cant’ cook, and now I just really feel it’s all been a sham”; and I can push and pull the girl and do my attraction phase by testing for qualification. Teasing qualifiers can be thrown out really, really early on. In fact, in my 12 Months to Mastery Program, I teach the guys an opening sequence that relies on social comfort openers, breaking rapport and then using teasing qualifiers. Because when guys talk about push-pull, or teasing or anything like that, they often neglect the qualifying aspect of teasing. Push-pull is the act of qualifying and disqualifying a girl. When you’re qualifying her you’re still building momentum, and you’re starting the train rolling to move you into the attraction phase. Teasing qualification assists to move you out of the opening phase and into the attraction phase. Or, out of the attraction phase and into the qualification part. So you can use it to do both, you can throw out a teasing qualifier early on in the first 30 seconds of the set, and use that as a pole vault into a role-playing attraction, or you can use it when your attraction phase is peaking, in order to start moving into the next phase which is compliance-based qualification. So we just talked about compliance-based qualification and how it uses hoops, and how your goal is to get her to invest more in the interaction. Compliance-based Qualification is based on compliance and investment. You’re getting the girl to comply and invest in the interaction; and the more she complies and the more she invests, the more likely she is to want to stick around, the more likely she is to want to move to another venue, the more likely she is to want to make out with you, date, etcetera. So a good example of the compliance-based qualification question is; what is your best quality? And lastly, we have Sexual Qualification: Actually let me go backwards a little bit— sorry about that. Compliance-based qualification is used to move between attraction and seduction. What I mean by that is you use compliance-based qualification to move yourself into the comfort phase, and you also use it to move yourself into the arousal phase, because compliance-based qualification doesn’t end until you’re starting to get her to qualify herself sexually and you’re starting to arouse her. You are always going to need to give the girl reasons you like her. This relates to the first pick up, the first date, the one-month anniversary, and your 50-year anniversary. You always need to be reaffirming what you like about the girl and letting her know what you like about her so that she doesn’t get insecure, so that she feels qualified, so that when you’re this amazing attractive guy she can feel worthy. So compliance-based qualification starts after attraction; right? As soon as you get attraction and you’ve used your teasing qualifiers to move into your compliance-based qualification, that goes until you get a big hoop and then once you get a big hoop, you know you’re in comfort but you want to still keep those qualifiers in there every 15 – 20 minutes just so that you’re always giving her reasons you like her, and you’re escalating © Sinns of Attraction LLC
it and you’re building her compliance and her tolerance to you flattering her, complimenting her, and hitting on her; which is what we want because those are the things that we need to do to get the girl into bed.
Hoops for Compliance Based Qualification: Hoops were originally introduced by Mystery. When I took my program with him, he said, this is the idea of hoop theory. Women are going to throw out hoops and you have a couple of different options. And he gave the example of a girl saying, “Buy me a drink”. So the girl says, “Buy me a drink” that’s a qualifier. She’s trying to get you to qualify yourself: are you willing to buy her a drink in order to have time to hang out with her. The underlying of the frame is that you need to spend money to talk to her, that there’s a value differential, there’s a whole bunch of bad stuff that comes into buying a girl a drink when she asks for it. Now that doesn’t mean that you don’t ever buy girls drinks, or anything like that, but generally if a girl is asking you to buy her a drink, especially early on in the interaction she is trying to get you to set the frame that you’re a lower value than her. So you have a couple different things you can do with these hoops. You could jump right into them. You just go, “Okay, cool, I’ll buy you a drink”. Now is that always going to be a bad idea? Not 100% of the time because nothing is 100% of the time. I have had girls ask me to buy them drinks, I’ve bought them drinks and gotten laid. It doesn’t happen very often though. Most of the times if you buy a girl a drink right away, especially if she’s asking, especially in the first 3 – 5 minutes; bad, bad, bad. The other thing you could do is you could ignore it. Ignoring things is the No. 1 underrated thing when it comes to frame control. My friend Captain Jack says, “The No. 1 rule of pick up is, anything that doesn’t help you, you can ignore it”. So a girl asking you to buy her a drink you ignore it, keep talking, and if she doesn’t keep bringing it up, you’ve passed successfully. Or, you could put a hoop in front of her. This is where the basis of qualification and the idea of getting girls hoops came from. So if a girl says, “Buy me a drink”, you go, “Well, you know, I don’t buy strangers drinks, but I’ll get the next round if you get the first one”. So now, if she buys you a drink you’ve escalated compliance and you’ve got her kind of qualifying herself non-verbally to you. So that was the idea of hoops. Now in qualification you’re going to be dealing with a couple of different sized hoops. When I took my boot camp back in 2004, qualification was like the big thing that stood out to me. Mystery explained why it was important, I got that that’s what was missing in my interactions with women, I understood that this was the key to me getting better with girls, and I only had one problem. Mystery only gave me one line for qualification. He © Sinns of Attraction LLC
said, “Go up to girls and once you’ve gotten three indicators of interest, say: What do you have going for you more than your looks?” Which is really, really, really, harsh; so I went out and I was doing day game, because I was under aged still, and I went out and I did that 50 times in the first week, and may be like 10% of the time it would work— maybe. Like 5 of those approaches were probably, once a girl was attractive and I said, “What do you have going for you more than your looks”, she was like “Well, I’m this, that or the other”; and those sets would go really, really well. But the rest of the time I would get this weird, weird dynamic where the girl would be like “What kind of question is that?” Or, “What makes me want to get to know you?” Or, “What do you have going for you more than your looks?” And these interactions that were going really, really well turned quickly. So I thought, okay, there’s got to be some kind of way around this, so I started reading some sales literature, that I was reading anyway, and I saw the idea of a “Yes Ladder” and it got me thinking and in sales a yes ladder is the idea that people are more likely to say yes, the more they’ve already said yes. In terms of pick up I’ve written about this one that comes to compliance momentum—right? The more a girl complies, the more likely she is to comply later. This was the start of compliance momentum. So what if you could get a girl to qualify herself in a really small way, and then build up to a big, large hoop. Like I figured: What do you have going for yourself? I did the field work, it’s too big of a hoop, if girls are going to be uncomfortable, they’re not going to want to answer that even if they’re attracted. So that’s where we want to end up. Now how do we get there? So I started the idea of small hoops, medium hoops and large hoops; and this was just something basic. I figured, 2, 2 and 1. So I figured what is a Small Hoop? And a small hoop is very simple; it is an easily answerable yes or no question that fits into a positive female stereotype. For ex ample: • • • • • •
Are you adventurous? Are you spontaneous? Do you consider yourself intelligent? Can you follow directions? Can you cook? Are you a good friend?
All of those are small qualifying hoops. If a girl is at least semi-attracted to you, meaning she doesn’t want the conversation to end, she doesn’t want to get away from you, and you ask her one of those questions, and it’s legitimately true. Every now and then you will get girls who are boring and if you ask them if they’re adventurous or spontaneous, they’ll say no, but simply because they’re boring girls. That does happen from time to time, it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t like you. We will talk about how to tell if an answer is true or false in qualification in a little bit. But you can create your small hoops; it’s any positive female stereotype: •
Are you intuitive?
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Are you good at reading people? Are you fun? Do you like to dance? Are you a good dancer?
Or anything that’s a positive female stereotype. Are you good with fashion? Anything like that, a yes or no question—small hoop; so you’re going to throw those out first; and you’ll want to throw those out as soon as you see any sort of attraction whatsoever, and we’ll talk about when to do that kind of stuff in a little bit—waypoints and qualification pinging at the end of the CD. Then we have Medium Hoops. Medium hoops are where the rubber really meets the road. Medium hoops are super, super important because this is where you’re going to find out if the girl actually likes you, or if she’s just being polite; and a medium hoop is different from a small hoop in that it is not a yes or no question. Medium hoops are not yes or no questions, they’re not things like: What do you study? Or, do you like to hang out with friends, or go out a lot? Those aren’t qualifying questions, those are just rapport questions and there’s nothing wrong with them. There is nothing wrong with having rapport questions or fluff questions in between your material, but they’re not medium hoops. Medium hoops are questions where she has to legitimately think a little bit more about whether or not she wants to answer this. S ome examples of medium hoops are: • • • •
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What do you do for fun? What nationality are you? What do you want to be when you grow up? If you could be anything in the world with no chance of failure, what would you be? What are you passionate about? What is missing in your life? What is the one thing that you really think is super-important? Who is your best friend? What would your best friend say about you? Etcetera, etcetera.
So again, they’re not super hardcore questions, where it’s obvious you’re trying to get them to qualify themselves but they’re a little more intimate and much more opportunity for the girl to say nothing, or give you a blow-off of answer than the small hoops. That’s why it’s so important that you pay attention to medium qualifying hoops. In my opinion they’re actually the most important, because if you get too small hoops, it doesn’t necessarily guarantee that the medium hoop’s going to take. The girls could just be enjoying the emotional stimulation. But if you get two medium hoops your large hoop almost always takes. So let’s take a look at what can happen with a medium hoop. Let’s look at the example I gave of: what do you do for fun. I say to a girl, “What do you do for fun?” And she goes, © Sinns of Attraction LLC
“Ah, you know, the usual stuff. Hang out with friends, I don’t know”. Now I’m in trouble; that means this girl’s not attracted to me. She gave me a blow off answer, even though she qualified herself twice already, she’s still not attracted enough that she’s going to actually get into her hobbies and passions, and stuff like that. So it’s not a big deal. I’ll teach you guys how to handle that in troubleshooting. But that’s the example of what can happen where a girl gives you an answer that on the surface, seems like maybe she’s not blowing you off, when in reality she actually is. She’s showing you she’s not that attracted yet. The right answer you want is for her to go: “Oh! I love reading, that’s probably my favorite hobby, I also really like to shop and right now I’m really, really into yoga”. If she gives you 2 or 3 specific things that she does for fun, then you’ve got the right answer. The same thing with, what nationality are you? She can go, “I’m a mutt”, or “I’m a bunch of things”, or any of those other questions. You can also come up with your own medium hoops. Lastly, Large Hoops: and we’re going to conclude the kind of review of basic qualification with large hoops. Large hoops are blatantly qualifying questions. They’re questions where girls are going to realize that they’re qualifying themselves to you, but because you built up so much momentum already, they’re going to do it anyway. They’ve chased you for long enough that now they’re going to keep chasing. That’s why it’s so important to do 2 medium and 2 small, because you want to establish the dynamic of her chasing you, and getting rewarded for putting in more effort in qualifying herself more. So a qualifying question, like a large hoop, these are where you’re going to know if she’s attracted. If a girl answers these with anything substantial, then you are done with attraction, you can start moving into comfort, getting a phone number or setting up a date. So here are some examples of large hoops I like to use: • • • • • • •
What is your best quality? What is your favorite thing about yourself? Why would I want to get to know you? If everyone in here looked exactly the same, what would you do to stand out? What do you have going for you besides your looks? What is the coolest thing about you? What is your best quality—or best 3 qualities?
Setting Up Dates and Phone Game Now, I want to talk about what happens before you even get on the date. The idea of setting up a date because we don’t get phone numbers, like we talked about on the last CD Series—Phone Game 2.0; we instead want to focus on setting up a date for a specific time at a specific place where the two of us are going to do something, some activity. So the first thing to talk about when setting up a date is the timing of it. Generally, any time after 25 minutes, you can set up a date. Twenty-five minutes is really the investment © Sinns of Attraction LLC
point where the girl at this point likes you enough that she’ll probably want to see you again. So there should be a little buzzer that goes off in your head every time you’re 25 minutes into an interaction with a girl and it’s going w ell, it’s time to set up a date. Now the second part is Seeding, this is what you want to start doing 25 minutes in if you haven’t already done it. Ideally you want to start this about 15 minutes into your interaction with a girl; and seeding is telling a story that takes place in the place that you’re going to invite her. You want to have a standard date that you invite girls on. For a while mine was smoking hooker in Dallas; for a while it was a mini pub crawl in Dallas, for a while it was improv-comedy in Los Angeles. You have different ideas of things that you’re going to invite girls to every time. S o when I lived in Dallas we would seed with this story that Captain Jack came up with called The Stripper-X deleted My Numbers; I think it actually happened to him. So I’d say, “You’re not the jealous type are you? Good. You know last week me and my friends went over to the Gypsy Tea Room, it’s the coolest hooker place, we go there almost every Wednesday”. It’s just really fun in the middle of the week to go out have a couple drinks, smoke the hooker. The guy who owns it is this hysterical like older Lebanese guy who comes out and tells these amazing stories. It’s got these really cool pillows and they have the best cheese cake ever”. There I’m overselling, I’m just overselling the place so it sounds really, really coo l. “You definitely gotta go sometime; you should definitely check it out”. But I won’t invite her, this is key in the seed. You’re like, “Yeah I was there last week with my Ex and we were actually there a little bit later because she had to dance at 11:00 she used to work at Jaguars, which is a strip club in Dallas, and she was looking through my phone and I didn’t really think anything of it at the time but when I looked at my phone the next day she had deleted every female number in my phone, even my mom’s and my grandma’s—that’s crazy”. Again, seeds— it also qualifies that she’s not jealous, there’s a little bit of framing in there. There’s a little bit of pre-selection like everything Captain Jack does, a really well put together routine. So now you’ve seeded it. Now you go back to talking normal comfort stuff for a few minutes, and then you want to go for The Date. The reason we go back to talking about normal comfort is we want to take it away. Seeding a date is very much like Mystery’s classical vacation model: bait, hook, reel, release; right, ex cept it’s bait, hook, reel, release and then close. So you want to go through one of those four cycles. So you bait her, you go, “Have you ever been to the Gypsy Tea Room?” Or, “Have you ever been to [Crownling? or anything like that. Then you tell the story, right now she’s hooked, then you release, you let it go; you talk about something else for a few minutes. Then you reel her back in, and then you go, “You know—“ and you always want to compliment when you go for the close. Like when you’re going for the phone number and the setup date you want to be very confident and you will want to speak clearly and firmly. Like have a plan and be complimentary. You want to qualify her first. So you’d be like, “You know, I meet a lot of people but it’s really rare that I meet someone I actually want to hang out with again, and you seem really, really cool, I’d love to bring you with me next to Gypsy Tea Room; me and my friends go there every Wednesday like around 8:00-ish so let’s © Sinns of Attraction LLC
exchange numbers and we’ll figure out driving and stuff, but I think it would be really cool to have you there next week. You want to be really complimentary, really nice about it, but firm, like you have a specific plan you’re confident in where you’re going and you close specifically. Specific time, specific place, figure out driving on the phone. Get the phone number then go back to talking about normal stuff, right; and stay in as long as you can. The longer you hang out with a girl the more likely she is to not flake, that’s very, very, very consistent. So now you’re seeded.
Phone Game Post from 10/10/06 By Jon Sinn I've been asked by a bunch of people to type up some of my thoughts on phone game This is mostly stuff I've gathered from other sources so major props go to Mystery, Style and especially Future who has the tightest comfort game of anyone period. First when to call, I prefer to text the same night if it's really on and if it's not I wait until the next day. I alway text first, because it's more unobtrusive and an easy way to get your number into her phone giving a higher chance of her picking up when you call. I usually will try to find some callback humor or point of reference in our conversation so she'll recognize it's me. EX: Hey George ( callback to Boy name routine) do you know a good place to eat around here? With txts it's important to make sure you follow her time table and don't respond right awasy when she txts back. Alwasy wait around the same amount of time she waited if not longer. My main goal is ONLY to establish contact over t he phone so it's not weird when I call her tomor. I will call everyday for about a month to make sure I get in contact as if I can get a girl on the phone I will get her into bed every time. © Sinns of Attraction LLC
I leave a hook message the first time: " Hey bratface, it's Jon I just saw something about x( an interest of hers like surfing etc..) and I wanted to ask you something. Call me back 555-555-5555." I would rather get a machine then a person as I can gauge how interested she is by how quickly she calls back. I always leave messages and I never EVER block my number. If you did your job on the D1 then there is no reason to try to be sneaky to get her on the phone, she should want to talk to you. I NEVER try to get a girl out on the first phone call. I call and bust on her, I tell stories( always the same ones BTW), I talk about m y passions and what I'm working on and I may begin my grounding sequence. I never ask what she's doing, what's she's going to do that night etc.. The phone talk ration is almost 90/10 in the begginning as one of the main things a girl is looking for on a call is if there will be awkward silence. Because if it's not fun on the phone, why would she want to see you in person? Remember to alwasy time constraint your phone calls. I will also always pick up my call waiting and sometimes I will take fake calls. Something I learned from Mystery is when you get back from call waiting call her baby and then if she asks why you did that, say "sorry wrong person" If I have left a message and she hasn't called back , I will vary the times I call at from 3 AM to noon. And I will leave a message everytime. Girls hate when you just call and don't leave a message. Here's a great secondary VM to leave from Hollywood in NY: ' " Hey it's me, I'm gonna be in and out all day but try to catch me. If not I'll talk to you later. Once you have not had your initial voicmail don't ask her to call you back again, instead say you'll talk to her later. When you do get her on the phone, alwasy make her commit to the call, by asking her to put whatever she's doing away for five minutes to talk to you. © Sinns of Attraction LLC
At this point I will start my "hijacked my brain c ampaign" and alternate between teasing, hot/cold, DHV laced stories, and comfort building material. I'm always looking for her trying to make plans with me. if you are doing well on the phone after a few minutes the girl will ask what you are doing that night. At this point you should have a DHV laced activity set up, and if not make one up. The absolute wrong answer is " I don't know". If a girl responds positively to what I'm doing I will invite her to tag along to something I'm doing earlier. This is money because it's not implying a large commitment of time as I have something to do later. Another favorite tactic of mine is to call really later at night and talk to her until one of us goes to sleep. This is super money as you'll be the last person on her mind at night and the first in the morning. Make her imagine that you are right next to her while your talking. I also send out mass good morning and good nite texts once or twice a week. If you get anyone else on the phone, treat them like you were calling for them. Say you've heard a lot of good things about them and ask them if they are interested in coming with your target on whatever your time bridge was. After a few mins of this they should ask you if you want to talk to your target. What are some topics and themes for the phone ? Your favorite new song and band What you are really excited about this week. The funniest thing that just happened to you, Some drama you or a friend are having, Your fav girl centric show( think Gray's anatomy, project runwa y, etc..) Something you hate or love about the girl, How you met a really cool girl whose name is ... ( here's one of my routines where I talk about how I met an awesome girl, then describe her but change her name to margret or ethel). Your family, and your grounding routine are great here as well. The phone is a comfort building location, so you can act the exact same way you would in person. It is simply another location in which to game her. Especially with 5 min or under # closes ( m y speciality) you really need to fill in the © Sinns of Attraction LLC
