Annihilate Approach Anxiety

Annihilate Approach Anxiety- 6 Steps for Overcoming Your Fear of Approaching Women By Steve Scott

Annihilate Approach Anxiety • www.flirtmastery.com

Table of Contents Disclaimer ................................................................. 4 Introduction .............................................................. 5 What is Approach Anxiety? .......................................... 7 What Excuses Are You Making? .................................. 10 Creating an "Approach Anxiety" System....................... 12 Developing the Approaching Habit .............................. 15 Outcome Orientation................................................. 19 6 Steps to Overcome Approach Anxiety ....................... 22 What Do I Say???..................................................... 32 10 Rules For Approaching Women ............................... 34 Conclusion............................................................... 41

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Disclaimer No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical or electronic, including photocopying or recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, or transmitted by email without permission in writing from the publisher. While all attempts have been made to verify the information provided in this publication, neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility for errors, omissions, or contrary interpretations of the subject matter herein. This book is for entertainment purposes only. The views expressed are those of the author alone, and should not be taken as expert instruction or commands. The reader is responsible for his or her own actions. The advice in this book is meant for responsible adults, age 18 and over, and is not meant for minors. Adherence to all applicable laws and regulations, including international, federal, state and local governing professional licensing, business practices, advertising, and all other aspects of doing business in the US, Canada or any other jurisdiction is the sole responsibility of the purchaser or reader. Neither the author nor the publisher assume any responsibility or liability whatsoever on the behalf of the purchaser or reader of these materials. Any perceived slight of any individual or organization is purely unintentional.

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Introduction Why a Report on Approach Anxiety? I used to be just like you. The thought of talking to women made my palms sweat. I didn’t know what to say or how to act, and it got to the point where I couldn’t approach women unless I was drunk. In case you didn’t know, this is not a good way to impress women. I won’t lie and say that I never get nervous around beautiful women nowadays, but over the years, I’ve learned to control my anxiety. I want to share my tactics with you so you can do the same. Not a day goes by when I don’t receive emails from clients asking how to tackle anxiety. Something as simple as starting a conversation seems impossible to many men, thereby crippling their love lives all together. They either try and fail, or fail to try at all. Believe it or not, there’s no secret or magic to approaching women. In order to be successful, you have to eliminate the fear brewing inside of you. Once that’s taken care of, the rest is a cake walk.

What this Report Won’t Do If you’re looking for help with conversation starters or openers, you won’t find it here. Instead, I highly recommend Joseph Matthews’ Art of Approaching. Within the pages of this resource is a thorough and successful 5



solution to what to say when you want to start a conversation. This book also won’t put you to sleep. It’s a short and sweet guide to overcoming anxiety, and that’s all. You can’t expect to succeed with women if you’re stuck reading all day, right? The following pages contain only the essential information you’ll need to up your confidence level, tackle your fears, and improve your dating life.

What this Report Will Do The main (and only) point of this report is to help you ELIMINATE the feelings of anxiety which occur before you start a conversation with women. Its goal is to provide a quick-fix solution for this one problem. Inside, you will discover: λ

An explanation of Approach Anxiety

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A discussion about the importance of creating a habit and system

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A 6-Step Process for eliminating feelings of anxiety

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10 rules you can use to effectively approach women.

That’s it. Before you proceed, you must realize that overcoming Approach Anxiety will require effort and hard work. While it’s certainly not impossible, it will be a change you have to adapt to. Fortunately, this guide provides a simple mechanism for overcoming your fear. To begin, let’s take a look at Approach Anxiety, and what exactly it is. 6



What is Approach Anxiety? A Definition of Approach Anxiety Approach Anxiety is the series of psychological (and physical) feelings of nervousness you experience before starting a conversation. Anxiety has many physiological symptoms, including: λ

Elevated heart rate

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Sweating

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Shaking

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Nausea

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Shortness of breath

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Chest pain

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Feelings of ‘impending doom’

When plagued by Approach Anxiety, it’s not uncommon for your emotions to become overwhelming. You sense fear, anger, and embarrassment that’s often paralyzing, and this is not far from the truth. When you suffer from Approach Anxiety, you essentially are paralyzed, unable to do anything at all.

*Ding, Ding* -- You’ve Been Conditioned Like Pavlov’s dogs learning to salivate at the sound of a bell, you’ve learned to take a specific action in a specific situation. What I mean is you’ve been conditioned to NOT approach when you experience anxious feelings. 7



Humans naturally possess a “fight or flight” response to tense situations, and in some cases, it’s beneficial. If you’re being attacked, it’s essential to fight or fly away if you are to survive. When it comes to women, this reaction never works. Basically, you’ve learned to avoid the negativity of approach by flying away from it, thereby doing and accomplishing nothing at all. Does this sound familiar? You see an attractive girl in your proximity, and are unable to start a conversation. It’s like there’s a magical force that makes it PHYSICALLY impossible to talk to her. Most men choose NOT to approach, because it’ll stop the nervous sensations from happening. This decision to evade approaching is largely due to an association between a bad experience in their pasts. The easiest way to avoid these horrible feelings is to just start a conversation. By conquering your fear and talking to a woman, you realize that there was nothing to be anxious about in the first place. You’re then REWARDED by the feelings of anxiety going away.

The Difference Between Reading and Experiencing There are a lot of “keyboard jockeys” that scoff at guys who experience Approach Anxiety. They think it’s not a problem. Perhaps if they got out into the dating scene, rather than sit behind their computers all day, they’d have a different opinion.

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It’s one thing to read about Approach Anxiety. It’s another thing to experience it. Only when you’re actually IN the situation do you realize how handicapping it can be. It’s a pretty scary situation for guys to go through.

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What Excuses Are You Making? There is NO Excuse For Approach Anxiety Think of how you act around your friends. You’re probably relaxed, having a good time, and always know what to say. In truth, they probably thing you’re a pretty funny, interesting guy. MOST guys are like this in comfortable environments. Now think about how you act around an attractive woman. You’re probably pretty nervous and unsure of what to say. You are not acting like the cool guy that you can be with your friends. Approach Anxiety is causing you to go from being an awesome person to being this nervous, anxious guy that women do NOT want. Overcoming Approach Anxiety simply means that you become comfortable around women like you are with your friends. Regularly starting a conversation with girls will get you to the point where you are comfortable. You won’t have a nervous vibe. Instead, you’ll be a fun guy that women find interesting.

The Lies We Tell Ourselves As men, we’re the masters of creating reasons why we can’t approach a girl and start a conversation. You may have made up several excuses yourself. Do any of these sound familiar: λ

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“She is a way out of my league.”



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“I’m not good looking enough (or too old, poor, fat, etc).”

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“I’m simply too scared to go over and talk to her.”

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“I’m worried she’s going to reject me.”

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“They don’t seem to be interested in talking to anyone.”

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“It’s hard to carry a conversation in this environment.”

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“It simply won’t work.”

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“I just don’t know what to say in a conversation.”

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“I don’t know how to start a conversation.”

Almost every guy tells himself lies that are similar to these. As you work on your Approach Anxiety, try to identify your “negative self-talk.” These are the messages you tell yourself BEFORE you approach a woman. Often, these provide the best indicators of what’s going on inside your head prior to approaching a girl Instead of feeding these thoughts, use affirmations – positive statements you say to yourself to increase confidence. A daily ritual such as affirmations can be your first step to overcoming insecure feelings.

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Creating an “Approach Anxiety” System Doing is Better than Learning It’s easy to read about approaching, but it’s another thing to actually go out and do it. No amount of book knowledge will help you overcome that initial feeling of having to start a conversation. This is an area where you can’t “fake it till you make it.” You can’t read a book and be imbued with the power to overcome your Approach Anxiety. You have to know what it feels like to go up to a woman and start a conversation.

Why Most Approach Anxiety “Cures” Suck A common fix that some people try is to approach fifty women a day until they get comfortable. The idea is if you approach fifty a day, you’ll get REALLY good in a short span of time. Sure this works…for guys who have nothing better to do all day. Who has time for that? I know I don’t. Approaching a large number of women each day is an unrealistic goal. One day, you might be able to do it, but I bet that it’s impossible to keep up this pace.

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Furthermore, there is a huge risk of procrastination. If you’re like most guys, you’ll put off approaching a lot of women in one day, promising to do it soon. Six months later, you still have Approach Anxiety because you haven’t done a thing.

Overcoming the Hardest Part of Approach Anxiety If you’ve ever tried to approach a woman, then you know the first time is always the hardest. In physics we’ve learned about inertia. To refresh your memory, it states that a body at rest tends to stay at rest. It’s the same idea with talking to women. The fifty girls a day method doesn’t work. Even if you do it once, you won’t develop the habit of challenging yourself to overcome Approach Anxiety every single day. It’s just unrealistic. The simple act of approaching that first girl in a day is the hardest, but during a given day, it becomes easier with each successive girl you approach. With that being said, a much better idea is to talk to one girl a day, thereby getting that hard one out of the way. If you talk to more afterwards, even better.

Steve Scott --- The Ultimate Nerd I’m pretty nerdy. My “to-do list” never leaves my side. Almost every aspect of my life I have in a planner, as I like to track all my activities. The same goes for my love life. 13



I’m a HUGE believer in creating a system for doing anything. Whether it’s work, exercise, or social stuff, I like to have a formula that I can test, track, and tweak. Sure my friends bust my balls about my ability to overanalyze things, but I get many things done during a given day. I’ve achieved a lot, and this is all due to developing a system for any goal that I wanted to achieve.

Creating a System for Approach Anxiety To overcome Approach Anxiety, you need a system. Through a process, you’ll learn to systematically become comfortable with the idea of approaching a woman and starting a conversation. What you want to do is develop the habit where you can start a conversation. You’ll want to make approaching women into a habit that you can rely upon every single day, so I recommend you commit yourself to this process for ninety days. Eventually, it’ll become a habit.

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Developing the Approaching Habit A.B.C. = Always Be Consistent You want to make a goal out of overcoming your Approach Anxiety. Every single day, challenge yourself to work on this area of your life. There are no excuses, and no days off. Set aside an hour each day where you look for opportunities to start a conversation. Setting aside a specific time of day makes it easy to get into the habit. Just like when you’re in the gym, you know it’s time to work out. Your mind will trigger that mechanism where you get used to starting a conversation. It becomes a reflex You’ll find that doing this on a regular basis will help you gain that little bit of confidence. Doing it once or twice will help you overcome that feeling of nervousness before starting a conversation. If you’ve done it once, you can do it again.

Create a New Habit Over the years, you’ve probably developed the habit of NOT approaching women. Like any other habit, you’ve become comfortable with it. To overcome Approach Anxiety, you have to learn to break this habit, and substitute it with something else. Right now, you associate bad emotions with going

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over and talking to a girl. Feelings such as fear, nervousness, and rejection hinder your success. To form a good habit, you have to experience “minisuccesses.” This will teach you that approaching a woman is not that bad. The daily habit makes it easy. At first, you might dread having to do it, but each day, you’ll get better at it, because you know you’ve done it the day before. Eventually, you’ll go from hating those feelings of anxiousness to actually enjoying it. You might even learn to anticipate and look forward to experiencing that conversation you’re about to have with a woman. This HAS to be the most important thing you do each day. It should have equal importance as working, eating, showering, etc. You cannot skip it or make excuses for why you don’t do it.

A Story to Illustrate This Point Running a marathon is one of the ultimate goals for people who like to keep in shape. Before the first marathon, there is a ton of anxiety. You ask questions such as, “Will I be able to run twenty-six WHOLE miles today?” One of the best things I ever did was complete a marathon when I was sixteen years old. I did this before I had an appreciation for how freakin’ long this distance can be. Since then, I’ve run five more marathons.

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Now every time I’m about to do another marathon, OR run 20+ miles, OR if I’m just really tired during a run, I simply say to myself, “I’ve done it before; I can do it again.” Trust me…it’s a great feeling to know you’ve accomplished a goal before when the going gets tough. When you approach women on a daily basis, you develop a level of confidence where you know you’ve done it before, and you can do it again. By doing it on a daily basis, you learn how to recognize these feelings of nervousness, but approach anyway.

Again…No Excuses Practice a regular daily habit of starting a conversation. The problem is men tend to make excuses when it comes to this area. They get busy and give reasons why they can’t do it today. Excuses like, “I don’t have time, but I promise to do DOUBLE tomorrow” are common. When tomorrow comes around, they still do nothing. The problem is the way we lie to ourselves. Maybe you’ll get it done, and maybe you won’t, but it’s a lot easier to commit to talking to one or two women a day. If each conversation lasts around ten minutes, this can be easily squeezed into even the busiest of schedules.

Use a Journal to Track Your Progress

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Each day, write down how many women you approached. You can even record random conversations if you haven’t found a woman to talk to. In each entry, note what you said and how the conversation went. Reward yourself for committing to this exercise. Give yourself a special treat for every ten days in a row that you stick to it. The best reward is in knowing that these approaches are making you a better person each day. You’ll find that recording your approaches makes it easy to track your progress. After a few weeks, you’ll be amazed at how much you’ve improved.

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Outcome Orientation How We Sabotage Ourselves Our minds often cause us to fail with women as opposed to being successful. Many guys have developed the habit of being afraid of women. We have ALL been in that situation where we see an attractive woman, but act too scared to go over and talk to her. Can actually talk ourselves out of doing well around women? Yes. Why does this happen? What’s in our heads that causes this experience? The problem is the way we react emotionally around women when we’re talking to them. Furthermore, our imagination runs wild and makes us think of everything that could possibly go wrong Our fear literally causes us to go through every possible bad scenario that could happen. Our imagination creates very painful, realistic images of what it’ll be like to go talk to a girl. This causes a wave of nervousness that makes us truly, utterly terrified. Most of the time, we typically don’t approach a girl because it just doesn’t seem like it’s worth the risk. The funny thing is you’ll often kick yourself afterwards, saying something like “Crap…I should have walked over and talked to her.” Pretty nutty behavior, if you ask me. Nothing bad directly happens from approaching a girl. Like I said, it all comes down to the habit that you formed as you learned to deal with women. Like any habit, it’s something that can be altered. 19



The Outcome is NOT Important Don’t worry about the outcome. The worst that can happen is she doesn’t want to talk to you. It’s not like you’re risking your physical safety. If she doesn’t want to talk, simply say, “It was nice to meet you,” and walk away. Just be happy that it’s one more approach you’ve done. And if it works, then congratulations! You’re now in a conversation where you can flirt and have fun. Understand that most approaches won’t work. A lot of anxiety comes from being perfect all the time. She might have a boyfriend, be busy, or simply not be in the mood to talk. Don’t take it personally. Learn from it, and move on. The outcome is not the most important thing. This will only cause you to put too much pressure on yourself. Instead, have the mindset that you are being fun and sociable. If you manage to talk to an attractive girl, then that’s great, but it’s not the end of the world that you don’t.

Risks vs. Rewards If you find yourself wondering what could go wrong, tackle them. Analyze the possibilities by listing the things you’re most afraid of. From there, decide how you’ll handle yourself in this situation. Know that you can deal with them I would say there is a bigger risk when you DON’T approach a girl you’re interested in. In other words, it’s a bigger risk to NOT doing anything. You’ll lose out on life, 20



never knowing what could have been. This could have been your dream girl, and you missed out on her. Create the mindset that NOT approaching a girl will cause you pain. You’ll go home alone, thinking of what “could have been.” Think like this, and you’ll start to take action. Rather think of the risks, make it a habit of thinking of what could go RIGHT. You could get her number, or maybe even fall in love. If anything, you could have a great interaction that leads to something more. Basically think of anything that would create positive mindset, rather than a negative one. Do this for a few days, and know that a good outcome is far more likely. A bad outcome isn’t that likely.

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6 Steps to Overcome Approach Anxiety As I mentioned before, the best way to overcome Approach Anxiety is to create a system. This will be a series of actions that you take to increase the intensity of the interaction as you gain confidence. This section will teach you how. At first, you might find the initial steps to be over simplistic. If that’s the case, then you might want to skip the steps where you already feel comfortable. The goal of these action steps is to start small, and gain confidence as you complete each step. There is no particular timeline for completing each step. My recommendation is to do each one till you get bored or feel like you’re not challenging yourself. Spend two weeks on each step, and if you want quick results, work twice as hard on each. The more approaches you do in a day, the better you’ll get over a shorter period of time. Let’s get started…

Step 1: Eye Contact ‘Approach’ Your first step is to simply make eye contact with everyone you meet, and not just women. When I say eye contact, I mean to lock eyes with someone, and hold it as long as you feel comfortable. Start by doing this with people where there is low risk (cashiers, co-workers, friends, etc.) Develop the habit of locking eyes with people and holding it. This doesn’t mean staring at them like a homicidal maniac. Instead, it means just holding it long enough as a social situation dictates. 22



Eye contact is one of the ways to show confidence. When you hold a gaze, you’re communicating that you’re comfortable with a social situation. You’ll demonstrate qualities such as confidence, interest, high status, etc. I recommend you do this every single time you encounter a person. This will turn it into a reflexive action. In this step, you don’t have to ACTUALLY approach; just make a habit of establishing eye contact.

Step 2: Body Language ‘Approach’ The next step increases the risk factor. You’re still not actually approaching women, but you’re going to use your body language to indicate a level of interest. To get started, you’ll want to initiate and hold eye contact a little bit longer than with a person you’re not interested in. In other words, you’re giving eye contact that indicates an interest in a woman. When she looks back at you, smile at her. As a side note, this is one of the best ways to find out if a girl is interested. When you lock eyes and smile at a woman, study her reaction. If she looks away, neglecting to look back, she’s probably not interested. If she keeps glancing your way or smiles back, you’ve captured her interest. At this point, it’s really up to you if you want to approach. Just know that when a woman acknowledges your eye

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contact or smiles, she’s basically giving you an invitation to approach her.

Step 3: Approach Strangers and People You Don’t Know I used to be (actually, I still am) a pretty shy person when it came to meeting new people. But I’ve learned to overcome this feeling by developing the habit of starting conversations on a daily basis. Some people, on the other hand, have so much anxiety that they can’t even approach one or two people per day. The quickest fix you’ll find for this problem is to simply start talking to people you don’t know. Sure it’s easy to talk to someone who knows one of your friends, but it’s a lot different to go up to someone you’ve never met before and start a conversation. In this step, you’re going to develop the habit of starting a conversation with one to three people each day. They don’t have to be women; just make sure that you develop a habit for starting conversation when you’re in public. For instance, you could do the following:

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Approach people on the street, asking for directions or the time.

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Start a conversation when you’re waiting in line at a store.

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Greet co-workers that you’ve never met before.

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Sit in a coffee house or bookstore and talk to those around you.

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Use a situation or event to start a conversation.



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Talk to other people working out at the gym.

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Talk to strangers at a social gathering.

Who you talk to really isn’t important at this point. You’re simply developing the habit of starting a conversation. This is low risk, as you’re not worried about the outcome of the conversation. You’re talking for the sake of talking, and nothing more.

Step #4: Approach “Hired Guns” At the halfway point of this process, you’ll want to develop the habit of talking to women. It can be hard for guys to go from talking to strangers to approaching an attractive woman that they don’t know. Some experience a major stumbling block at this point. What I recommend is you start conversations with girls who are working at their job. The majority of retail and service jobs are FILLED with attractive, younger women. This can be retails clerks, retail sales people, bartenders, waitresses, coffee “baristas,” shot-girls, promo girls, etc. In fact, go to any mall, and you’ll find dozens of places that are filled with attractive girls. What you probably didn’t know is that part of their job is to be nice to customers, so unless you act like a complete asshole, there is very little chance of a bad experience when try to initiate conversations with these girls. You can take advantage of this by approaching them and flirting. Make it a habit of starting a quick conversation anytime you encounter one of these girls. At the bare minimum, you’ll want to start one to three conversations per day. This is great technique, because 25



you’re getting experience talking to attractive women, and you’re not so worried about the outcome or if she’s going to be interested. Instead, you’ll just playfully banter with these girls, and focus on a being a fun guy when in a conversation.

Step #5: Approach with NO Intent As the expression goes, “Here’s where the rubber meets the road.” Once you become comfortable with starting conversations with girls at their job, you’ll want to approach one to three girls throughout your day. Do this in a variety of environments. Bars aren’t the only place to approach women, so be open to approach in any situation. Talking to women comes down to one specific number, and that is how many opportunities you have during a given day. You probably don’t realize how many chances you have to meet women during your day. You have to start going where there will be women, such as: λ

Bookstores

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Churches

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Bars

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Exercise classes (dancing, yoga, etc.)

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Food shopping and more

Think about the times when you see an attractive girl walk by without saying anything. The key here is to do what I call “Approach with NO Intent.” You’re not going to worry about getting her number, setting up a date, or even making her interested. You’re just going to concentrate on 26



overcoming your Approach Anxiety and starting a conversation. Keep it simple at first... Ask a question or give a compliment, then eject from the conversation. Also, it’s important to NOT be choosy at this point. Don’t worry about going up to the uber-attractive girls, because if you sit around waiting for this, it’ll be a LONG time before you’re able to overcome your feeling of Approach Anxiety. One of the best ways to get comfortable with this concept is to give a quick compliment to the women you see. I usually don’t recommend starting a conversation with a woman in this manner when you want to attract her, but giving a quick compliment can be an excellent way to overcome that initial hump that arises before a conversation.

Step #6: Approach WITH Intent In this final step, you’ll want to approach women with the specific intent of trying to go for their number. Like the other steps, you’ll want to approach one to three girls each day. This is where things go a little beyond the scope of this report. As I mentioned, one of the best resources for learning how to start a conversation is Art of Approaching by Joseph Matthews. I recommend you take a look at this guide, and learn about a bunch of techniques for talking to women. With that being said, there are two major ways to start a conversation…directly and indirectly. Here’s a brief explanation of each: 27



Direct Openers Direct approaching is being upfront with your intentions when talking to a girl. You’re telling her that you are attracted to her, and would like to know more about her. This can be done by giving her a compliment, or simply saying, “You seem like a cool person, and I wanted to come over and talk to you.” Without going into long-winded explanation, direct openers work when you have equal or better status than a woman. For instance, if you’re an average-looking guy approaching a beautiful girl who’s surrounded by men, then you probably won’t have a higher status. On the other hand, if you’re a good-looking guy who has been “social proofed” by everyone in the room, then the chances of a direct opener working are higher. I hate to admit, but in order for a direct opener to work, you must have money, status, and/or looks. When you don’t have any of these qualities, you appear to be a loser, dork, or another random guy who is trying to pick her up. All attractive women have a mechanism to filter out losers, and by coming on too direct, you’ll trip this filter. She’ll have the “this guy is hitting on me” feeling, and will quickly shut you down. Before we move on, direct openers can work on girls that are equal to you in looks and appearance. This is a lesson I discovered watching The Learning Channel (TLC) the other day. In a really fascinating experiment, a psychologist had a number of men and women “rated” on their appearance. He then took this same group, put them into hooded 28



jumpsuits, and tacked a number on their hood so a participant couldn’t see his or her rating. From there, he put ten men and ten women into a room, asking them to simply approach a member of the opposite sex by putting out their hand. If the other person accepted it, they would be a match. I’m oversimplifying this experiment, but the results showed that even though people didn’t know their own rating, they typically ended up being matched with someone who had a similar rating. This experiment can really illustrate the dividing line between direct openers that work, and those that don’t. You have to pay close attention to social nuances when using a direct opener. In other words, it’s important to understand YOUR social value before approaching a girl. Ask yourself if you exceed her looks or rating. Are you in a situation where you’ve been social proofed? Have you received ANY indicators that she might be interested? Is she really drunk (just kidding)? I know that this sounds like a harsh, brutal way of looking at things, but on a subconscious level, human beings (especially women) tend to look for these indicators when evaluating the desirability of a man. The good news is that indirect openers can work incredibly well if both people are of equal value.

Indirect Openers Indirect means you disguise your intentions at first. This is basically where you ask an opinion or use the situation you’re in to start a conversation.

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As I mentioned, direct openers work best when you’re dealing with someone who has a higher social value. The really attractive girls won’t go for a guy unless he’s proven such things as social status and/or value to the people around him. Giving a compliment or a direct opener will only let the girl know that she’s won. That’s it! Game over. The cool thing about approaching in an indirect manner is that it doesn’t make her defenses go up as quickly as with a direct opener. When approaching indirectly, don’t compliment her, avoid lines or strong come-ons, and don’t treat her like a sexual object. Women have a natural level of discomfort when a strange guy approaches them. You have to be able to get used to this fact. When a woman is uncomfortable, she is not rejecting you…she is rejecting the feeling of awkwardness when a strange guy approaches. This is where the indirect approach works wonders… By acting like you don’t care about the outcome, this will drop her defenses a little. This will separate you from the guys who are constantly hitting on her, giving you a chance to show your value and the fact that you’re a good guy to get to know. It’s also about a “curiosity hook.” You’re trying to engage her into a conversation, and then you can prove your social value. Your social value can increase if you know how to flirt and create the right kind of attraction, which I discuss in my Flirt Mastery course. Indirect is great for those times when you want to avoid rejection. Try asking a woman for an opinion. Most of the time, she’ll respond to you. From there, you can use her

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answers to create a conversation and continue what you’re talking about.

What Now??? At some point, you’ll find yourself regularly talking and introducing yourself to women you’re interested in. When you get comfortable with approaching one to three girls each day, try for five women instead. The more you challenge yourself, the quicker you’ll overcome your Approach Anxiety. The key here is to develop the success habit.

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What Do I Say??? The Perfect Line Fallacy Let me get one thing straight…there is no such thing as the perfect line or opener. I personally don’t believe in lines. While a line might sound like the greatest thing ever, you’ll crash and burn if you flub it. With a simple introduction (or indirect opener), there really isn’t a chance to screw things up. You’ll be less likely to get down on yourself later on. With that in mind, here are a few different ways to start a conversation…

Tactic #1 – Use Humor Using humor to break the ice is a quick way to overcome feelings of insecurity. I personally like content-specific icebreakers, like talking about the party or whatever you’re doing at that moment. This generally works when you have something funny to say about your immediate environment.

Tactic #2 – Make an Observation If you see something notable in the environment, start a conversation about it. This can be an event that you just witnessed, or something particularly interesting about your surroundings.

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It’s low risk, because you’re not coming on to her; you’re simply making a comment about the situation you’re in.

Tactic #3 – Use a Prop By “prop,” I mean a physical thing that helps you start a conversation. For example, if you have a camera on you, ask a girl to take a picture of you with your friends. This is one of my favorites, because once she’s taken the photo, you can goof around by taking a picture with her! You have to use your imagination with props. Find one that fits your personality, and use it to your advantage.

Tactic #4 – Compliment Her Giving a genuine compliment will often make a woman feel great about herself. This is definitely more of a direct opener, but it can do wonders if you’re pointing out something that’s unique to her. Even if she’s not interested, you’ll send a lot of positive energy out into the world. Any compliment you give must be sincere in nature – something that draws you to her. Look for something beyond her physical appearance, like a controllable fact. Admire her choice in college major. Tell her she’s funny, or compliment her choice in music. Every compliment should come from a position of high status. Make it sound like you almost approve of her. If not, you’ll come across as low status, and she’ll think she’s too good for you. Remember that if she feels like you have 33



low status, this will decrease the likelihood that she’ll be attracted to you. Use any of these four tactics to talk to a woman. Once you’re in a conversation, you should follow the format that I outline in my Flirt Mastery course.

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10 Rules For Approaching Women As we bring this guide to a close, let me cover a few basic rules for improving your approaching success. When you keep these in mind, it’ll become easier to overcome feelings of anxiety

Rule #1 – Understand ‘The Bitch Shield’ There are a multitude of reasons for this, but women WILL be cold when you first start talking to them. A lot of this has to do with intimidation at being approached by a stranger. Some simply don’t want weird guys to start talking to them. Most will form a “shield” to protect themselves from losers. It’s not because women are bitches; it’s because they’re trying to protect themselves against guys who show qualities they don’t want. In other words, they want confident, high-status men, and they use their guards to filter out men who fall short. Your goal is to get past this shield, and you can do this by making them feel like you’re a comfortable guy to be around. Your first goal is to simply come across as a harmless person. Demonstrate that you’re not going to do all the nasty, scary things which a lot of women feel men are capable of doing.

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Rule #2 – Take Action I was the king of procrastination when it came to overcoming feelings of anxiety. I felt like I needed an opener for every situation before starting a conversation. But there is a point when you simply just have to go out and practice. No matter what you say, just know that you’re at least taking action in your life. Going out and doing stuff makes all the difference in the world. If all you’re doing is spending time reading and listening to “seduction” material, you won’t really get anywhere. Nothing beats getting out there and actually trying. Even if you fail, you still learn a valuable lesson.

Rule #3 – YOU are the Selector Approaching women is a screening process. Come from the mindset of, “This is an attractive girl. She might be cool to talk to, but I don’t know if she’s going to be a good fit for what I want. Let me go over and find out.” There is no outcome orientation with this viewpoint. You’re simply going over to find out if this girl fits with what YOU want. You’re not trying to pick her up, and you’re not trying to have sex with her…you’re simply there to screen her. In a way, you’re looking to see if you’re attracted to her, not the other way around.

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Having standards prevents you from attracting the crazies of the world. It’s not about having success…it’s about how you look at yourself. A bad approach does not determine who you are as a person. Certain approaches cause you to make HER the determiner of the outcome.

Rule #4 – Be High Value Approach Anxiety is caused by a feeling of inadequacy. A lot of guys give away their “social power” when starting a conversation with women. Before you even speak, you’re basically saying that this girl has the power to hold sway over how you feel about yourself. Value is shown through your actions, not from the way you talk. NOT caring about the outcome is an incredible way to show value. No matter what, almost every person (even the hottest of girls) will care a little about what you think of them. By completely not caring, she’ll want to invest into the conversation, and if she invests a lot into the conversation, she’ll start to care a little bit more. By NOT showing validation, you increase the likelihood that she’ll try just a little bit harder. You don’t have to be a dick; just have a neutral, almost nonchalant attitude when talking to her. Don’t react too much to the things she’s saying. For more information on how to develop a high-value attitude, review my 24 Traits of the Superior Alpha Male report.

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Rule #5 – Establish Strong Eye Contact Eye contact is critical to approaching. Guys are often so nervous when approaching, that they forget the important aspect of looking a girl in the eye when talking to her. No matter what you say, you must look her square in the eye as you’re speaking to her. This is one of those “little things” that can have a huge impact on your success.

Rule #6 – Relax, Relax, Relax! Being in a comfortable state-of-mind is crucial to overcoming Approach Anxiety. Learn to take deep breaths whenever you feel nervousness coming on. Approach at a slow pace to control your heart rate. Taking your time will calm you down physically and mentally. At first, you might experience a number of physical symptoms of anxiety before you approach. Just know that these will go away with enough practice.

Rule #7 – Approach in ANY Environment Condition yourself to practice in all situations: daytime, bars, social gatherings, bookstores, etc. You don’t even have to pick up women; just starting a conversation can get you going.

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If you’re on your way somewhere, just start a conversation with the people that walk by. Find a context to start talking to these people.

Rule #8 – Approach without Hesitation This is also known as the three-second rule. You shouldn’t wait for the perfect moment to start a conversation…simply walk up and start talking. This will reduce the chances of you talking yourself out of approaching. Sitting around and waiting for the perfect chance will only build more anxiety. Also, women are MUCH better at reading body language than men. If you’re thinking about approaching her, you’re probably sending off subtle clues that you want to talk to her, but you’re too scared. This will quickly drop your value and creep her out. If you’re still too scared to approach, at least walk by. I know this sounds weird, but if you move towards them, you’ll at least become comfortable with the idea of walking towards an attractive group of women.

Rule #9 – Find Your Favorite Places There’s something to be said about environments where you’re comfortable. If you’re used to venue, you’ll be in a relaxed, chill vibe. Find a few different locations, and use them as your base of operations! For instance, I know I hate the loud clubs 39



on the Jersey Shore that attract the meat-head, steroid freaks, so I found places that aren’t like this. As a result, I’ve had great success approaching women.

Rule #10 – Surround Yourself with Beauty This sounds a little meta-physical, but surrounding yourself with beauty makes it easier to approach attractive girls. One of things I recommend is to develop real, legitimate friendships with lots of females. This means you don’t try to sleep with them. Having more women around you will provide the best kind of education. You’ll learn to relax more in their presence, and how to speak like them. In a way, you’re desensitizing yourself to the feelings of being around attractive women.

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Conclusion Approach Anxiety does NOT have to control you. When you allow it to happen, you’re limiting the things that you can accomplish in you’re life. To overcome this problem, you have to face it head on. It won’t go away by wishful thinking, and it won’t go away simply reading this book. You have to get out there and actually practice starting conversations. If you follow the plan that I outline in this report, you’ll definitely move one step closer to the fixing this problem. It won’t happen over night, and it’ll take some effort on your part, but eventually, you’ll find yourself at the point where you’re able to start conversations without a moment’s hesitation. From there, you’ll laugh at the problem that you once had. Good luck, and I wish you the best of success.

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Annihilate Approach Anxiety

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