The Secret To Becoming The Alpha Male Of Any Group Copyright 2010 Love Systems, Inc. All Rights Reserved www.LoveSystems.com
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A Message From Mr.M If you are reading this, then you have purchased the Social Circle Mastery DVDs. Firstly, thank you. Social Circle Mastery represents a huge chunk of the last few years of my life. Braddock and I slaved away at coming up with and testing the theories on the DVD. We appreciate your support and your buying the DVD and we hope that makes a significant difference in your life… as it has had in ours. Secondly, congratulations. Social Circle Mastery' is the foundation of “next generation” pick up and dating techniques. It takes us beyond the realm of “cold approach” and into the realm of enhance your entire social life and building an enviable lifestyle. Mr M
The Secret To Becoming The Alpha Male Of Any Group
Article Structure This article comprises of 3 parts: 1.
Setting The Context: Introduction to Social Circle Mastery.
2.
Social Trees and The Alpha Male (based on my previous TAF article here, but more advanced and expounded).
3.
How To Create Lasting Influence and Dominance – The Importance of Respect and Integrity.
I would strongly suggest watching the SCM DVD prior to reading this so that you understand the key terms and concepts – particularly for the latter half of this article. This is an advanced article. Setting The Context: Introduction To Social Circle Mastery Before I step into how to become the alpha male of the group, I want to make some basic points about Social Circle Mastery. This will help provide some context for what you are about to read. Social Circle Mastery has several purposes, amongst them: •
To make it easier to meet and get “10s” (shorthand for top models, beautiful actresses, playmates, and other women who are the elite of the elite)
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To lead a more satisfying social life and use it to enhance other aspects of your life (business, relationships etc)
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To create more balanced individuals rather than “cold approach junkies”
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To provide a deep level understanding of the influences and social dynamics that affect any group situation, whether that be at school, in the office or at the bar.
Braddock and I never actually intended to develop an all-encompassing system for managing your social life and for social techniques. We were just looking for new and more consistent ways to seduce 10s. Don’t get me wrong – the Love Systems cold approach system is revolutionary and amazing and I am never going to stop doing cold approach. But cold approach has inherent limitations.
If I want a 10 tonight and there is no 10 where I go out, there’s not much I can do. Even I can’t seduce a woman who isn’t there. There’s luck involved, and we wanted to control the impact of chance. That was the birth of Social Circle Mastery. On an immediate level, we use our social circles in two different but related ways: 1. As a source of beautiful women. Of course, this only happened when we learned how to find, join, and lead social circles that have these beautiful women in them. This is what led us to the MRB5 model, which I will get into below. 2. As “glue”. With any woman, there’s always a chance that her logistics (other commitments, friends, etc.) will prevent you from seducing her on the same night you meet her. We’ve all succeeded against heroic odds and those make the best stories, but the mundane reality is that, for example, the runway model you just met after a fashion show probably isn’t going to be able to go anywhere with you that night, no matter how good you are. By building and managing social circles in the right way, you can absorb her into your life and grow her interest in you without you actually doing anything. We call this “slow burn game”
However, at a higher, more long-term level, you can and should use your social circle for creating attraction. The alpha male of the group usually gets this attraction, whereas being the beta male can (depending on the group) lead to being teased, mocked, disrespected etc. In other words, it pays to be the alpha male in social circle. This article will show you how. Note that the initial part of this article uses one of my previous posts on The Attraction Forums as foundational information (so you hard core fans may have read the technology on the first few pages before). However, the article will go into far more depth in later stages. I would thus encourage everyone to read the whole thing.
You Don’t Have To Be Great At Social Circles Already Before I get into some of the specifics, I want to reassure you that before Love Systems I was not naturally great at social situations. I was never the popular guy in school and my social life since then wasn’t a whirlwind of activity. Braddock’s story is slightly different (he was the quarterback in high school) but the point is that you don’t have to be one of the naturally socially powerful people to succeed with Social Circle Mastery.
Social Trees And The Alpha Male A non-Love Systems seduction coach once stated that there should only ever be one alpha male in a social tree. He said that you should out-alpha that alpha male by way of surreptitious ousting. He likened all social groups to a structure where there was only one top and that to become the top, you should simply behave like you are already at the top in every social situation that you come into. The theory is that if your ‘reality’ was stronger, people would accept your ‘reality’ and you would dominate the social setting. He believed that if you acted 'alpha', you would eventually become the alpha male. This perspective is incorrect. We live in the real world here, filled with people who want and deserve respect. As a simple example how wrong this guy was - if anyone was to ever try to act like the boss in the law firm that I used to work at (one of the world’s most prestigious international law firms), I assure you that he would quickly be out of a job. Think about it from the incumbent alpha male’s perspective - if you were an alpha male, and there was someone who wanted to break into your group by acting dominant, what would you do? In primitive times, you would simply kill him. In this day and age, you would do the social or business equivalent - reject him or destroy his chances of accelerating through the social group/business/friendship group (likely by way of reputational badgering, not offering him any assistance or simply promoting those who are aligned with you (i.e. the people you like and who like you)). The way to become a modern day alpha male is therefore NOT necessarily to be the leader or alpha male in every group. There ARE exceptions to this. The ability to consciously socially dominate through the means described above is a good skill to have, and can be applied, particularly in either (a) weaker groups filled with beta males or (b) cold sets which do not constitute part of your social circle. You can do this simply by being louder, more verbose, more interesting, talking more etc (i.e. essentially engaging in more dominant 'alpha male' behaviour). I emphasize that this applies in cold approach sets. However, the techniques that you will learn in this article are more subtle and used for more long-term social circle dominance and influence.
Braddock and I have tried this 'out alpha' approach as a social experiment numerous times. It does In a social circle group have reasonable success rate in cold approach. where there are preHowever, the overwhelming observation is that in established alpha males social circle settings, while it is often possible to and social alliances, hold court by being the most charismatic, loud, obtuse dominance is not verbose, or ‘in his own reality’ person, this type of the optimal behaviour. behaviour may not be accepted by the other alpha males. This can happen on both the conscious (e.g. they openly don't like you) or sub-conscious (e.g. they harbour ill feelings towards you and consequently say negative things about you behind your back) level. In short, other alpha males will have an active dislike of the show stealer. Interestingly, they will try to justify their emotional response through thoughts and comments like, ‘what an idiot’, 'try hard', 'he's a little uncalibrated', 'he's weird', ‘he’s a little too much’, ‘show off’, ‘weird’ etc. So, why does loud, dominant, alpha male behaviour offend a pre-existing social group with existing alpha males and social alliances? Because you are attempting to achieve social value without having any actual social value. But on a deeper level, by acting the way that you act, you represent a threat to the status quo of the incumbent male’s domination. Instead of aligning with them, you represent a threat to them. They may not consciously think this, but it is subconsciously felt through the emotions of jealousy or dislike. Their incentive is thus to bring you down. This is not behaviour that you should necessarily blame people for. It is human nature to attack or undermine something which This applies to SOCIAL threatens your value. The more willing that you SITUATIONS OUTSIDE accept that people have a tendency to act to OF COLD SETS. In cold protect their value on a subconscious level, the sets, this type of obtuse, quicker that you can work within the boundary alpha male behaviour given. As my good friend and mentor Eskay says can sometimes allow (paraphrased), 'Life is full of rules and you have to you to get the girl. play within them. But once you know the rules and accept them, they can be bent to achieve great effect'. So, just like it is OK to admit you are wrong sometimes, it is OK (and, in fact, intelligent) in social circles to sometimes defer social power. It is OK to be the beta male sometimes, particularly when the context governs that this is appropriate.
So, how then, do you achieve social dominance? Well, in this day and age, you are most likely a part of a number of social trees. Being the sole leader / dominant male of all of these trees is both unlikely and undesirable. This is because, on a logistic level, being the undisputed alpha male of a group requires maintenance (i.e. time invested in relationships, hanging out, constantly adding value etc), which takes time. You can therefore realistically only be the 'sole' alpha male of a certain number of groups, which brings me to the crux of this article:
The important principle to take away here is that by being the connector and having the perception of the opportunity to add value (even if only perceived value), you are far more likely to be considered amongst the leadership of men.
How do you accomplish this? How do you become considered as 'amongst the leadership of men'? There are a number of ways, but the most effective ways are: 1. To align with the pre existing alpha males of the group. 2. Show that you are ALREADY IN the leadership of men in a SEPARATE TREE that has a RELATIVELY PERCEIVED HIGHER VALUE than the present group. 3. Bring good emotions to the group, be are normal and vibe well (this in itself is a value). Note too that good emotions are an absolute prerequisite (i.e. you need to be able to give good emotions and vibe). People align to value. Value or perceived value augments almost all social human behaviour. The social tools above are some of the most crucial avenues of obtaining value quickly in social situations. In relation to ‘1’, social alliances with existing alpha males (or males with situational value) in groups represent incredible value in social situations. Imagine the difference between an introduction where the leader says very good things about you versus where he says nothing positive about you. This is why alignment is so important. In relation to ‘2’, above, value is also begotten by being a connector that has access to other trees or having access to a scarce resource (e.g. parties, money etc) or simply being funny or providing good emotions. This also means that you are not perceived to be a value leech. As opposed to someone who latches on to the group, you come into the social group and add value by being someone who provides good emotions, perceived social connections into other high value groups or other forms of value.
The optimal state of affairs is not to feel like you have to be sole dominant male in every group that you are a part of and to ‘out alpha’ all the other males. The optimal state of affairs is to be considered amongst the ‘leadership of men’ in the groups that you are part of and to align with the other dominant members.
In relation to ‘3’, further above, good emotions are derived from: • Having clean inner game. • Not becoming a threat to the group or people in it. • Vibing well (e.g. through “in jokes”, shared role plays etc). • Having good intentions (as people will tend to see the real you through their thin slice). • Sharing good experiences. That being said, realize that you don’t have to be everyone’s best friend and that it takes time and energy to connect with people, so people may not like you immediately. Don’t be needy about this.
Here are some actionable tactics to achieve “good emotions” and vibing well: 1. Create “In Jokes” by using callback humour. These are like role-plays in that they are jokes, phrases, lines etc that are unique to your group. For example, you could re-use certain lines from movies or shows that you have seen and use them in different contexts. I’ll give you an example. Let’s say there is a movie that the group (or some members of it) have seen. For the sake of this example, let’s say it’s Anchorman - the movie. There are many great lines from Anchorman which could be used at various times to create callback humour. One of the lines, for example, is “I’m kind of a big deal”. There are many funny contexts in which this line could be used. An example is that you score a goal in a friendly soccer game and say “I’m kind of a big deal” as a joke to your friends. 2. Form an alliance. Connect well with one of the group members and try to make that vibe something that others would want to be part of. Demonstrate this vibe in front of others. Be perceived as always having a good time with that group member. Have “in jokes” with that person, as described above. Showing a strong alliance in which there is clearly a lot of fun and in jokes creates social value.
3. Be perceived to be having more fun or have more going on than everyone else. Try to be invited to cooler events or to have fun things going on in your life which people would want to be part of. Provide a value to the group which is hard to replace. For example, you could be a promoter, be well connected at a bar or club or if you’re in school, hold and have access to great parties. 4. Take the initiative and don’t be afraid of being an individual. Don’t be the follower all the time. At times, show a willingness to do your own thing and if others do not follow you, then do it anyway. As a basic example, if you are in a food court and everyone wants MacDonald’s, but you want Subway, just go for it. Don’t make a big issue out of it, but respect the fact that others will respect you for your independence. Part of social leadership is not being afraid to deviate from the norms. If you get teased for it, make light of it and joke about it (i.e. tease yourself). You can put up with teasing insofar as it does not cross a major boundary (see the Inner Game Seminar for more on boundaries). But remember - don’t be afraid of being an individual. People will respect this. 5. Never “try” to be the alpha male. If people don’t follow you or recognize that you are dominant, then simply rely on principle ‘4’ and don’t be afraid to be an individual. Sometimes, as stated by Braddock in the Social Circle Mastery DVDs, it takes time to climb a social tree or even be recognized as part of one. Don’t worry about the fact that you have to come through the bottom sometimes - but never give off the thin slice of “trying” hard to be dominant or a leader. Lead, but if people don’t follow, lead yourself. Remember, it’s OK not to be an individual. You don’t have to follow the group all the time, especially when you disagree with the action or it doesn’t suit you and is important to you. The more OK with YOU that YOU are, the more OK that others will be with you too. Yes, it’s probably worth reading that sentence again. 6. Be in the moment. More on this in the next section.
Remember - you don’t have to completely dominate a social circle group to create attraction. What you do definitely want to do is: 1. Align and develop relationships with high value members 2. Bring value to a group (this can be by way of good emotions) 3. Avoid trying to ‘out alpha’ everyone (as many dating coaches do) 4. Show that you are part of other social circles in which you are also in the leadership of men. These factors will enable you to be considered as a high value member who is amongst the highest members of the tree and thus, you will be naturally attractive to the females. By naturally, I mean that people's natural social cues will be wired such that they show that you are a dominant member of the group - an alpha male.
How to Create Lasting Influence – The Inner Game of Social Dominance This next section is almost like the “Inner Game” of Social Influence and Dominance. When I first started to understand social dynamics and the nuances of human communication, I focused on conscious control and influence. Examples of this are the tactics that were covered in the last section. I observed the techniques people were using in these situations (such as the tactics) – whether it be in the workplace, alliances, social environments, business meetings etc. These techniques included things such as advanced qualification, framing and social pressure. They are powerful techniques when used in a social context. However, as I became more aware of these tactics of “social influence”, I realized more and more that the end result of relying on consciously applying tactics could be a lot like what happened in the movie “The Butterfly Effect”. In that movie, Aston Kutcher has the ability to go back in time and change the world for what he believes to be the better. The only problem is that every time he goes back in time with the intention to make things better, some things get better, but other things become a lot worse. The same is true of using conscious thought for social influence and dominance. In the end, using certain “hard” tactics of “Social Manipulation” are like relying on good tactics to cover up for a bad strategy. You can use principles like “AMOGGING”, advanced
qualification, framing and social pressure to get what you want. You can manipulate alliances and even, at the darkest level, use NLP to achieve a form of mind control. I’ve witnessed all of these used in social situations. But the truth is that while these tactics are offensively useful to some degree, they are most useful so that you can identify when someone is using them against you (it’s kind of like an alarm bell going off in your head). The key paradigm shift is that in the same way that you can either (1) use lines and routines to create attraction, or (2) you can be a genuinely attractive guy, you can either (1) consciously manipulate social situations to become dominant and have influence, or (2) focus on creating win-wins and strong, long lasting relationships and alliances. In both cases above, (2) is the preferred route. You see, what I learned is that in the very end, conscious social influence will often bite you in the ass, for three main reasons: 1. Because it is an act. 2. Because high quality people will see right through you within the first few seconds of meeting you, no matter how ‘polished ‘ you are. This is due to your ‘thin slice’ (as explained in the Social Circle Mastery DVD). 3. Because there is a better way to do it, where no one loses. The ultra successful people that I met (i.e. people who achieved their “Supernova”) who were great with men and women and had an air of both dominance and influence around them NATURALLY exhibited two common characteristics: Respect and Integrity. This was a surprise to me at first, but truly was what I found to be a common characteristic amongst the self made titans who were not only good with women, but were also true leaders of men. This strategy though, is playing for the long term. It’s less about the tips and tactics and more about the “who you are”.
Respect When hanging out with top-level natural alpha males, Braddock and I discovered that one of the most important Inner Game qualities that each of them had was that they sought respect first and popularity second. From this, we postulated that there is a “Respect Phase” of any interaction. Contrary to popular belief, gaining respect (as opposed to popularity) should be the primary goal of most initial social interactions. Respect is the feeling that the person that you are talking to has good boundaries and no agenda. It leaves you with the feeling that he: 1. Is comfortable with himself (to see my article on how one becomes comfortable with himself (see: here.) 2. Regards the way that others treat him as the most important factor to whether or not he connects with them (before what they can do for him in any sense (monetary, women etc)). This “Respect” mentality comes from a place of abundance. “Popularity” on the other hand, is based on the desire for others to like and approve of you and/or the feeling that you can get something from them (whether that be approval, Respect First, validation, money, connections etc). People respect Popularity Second this because it shows good personal boundaries. Why respect first? Some people try to ‘fake’ their way to become popular up front. They try to be overly nice, or accommodating, or simply ‘emotionally leak’ in their initial interactions. They do not and cannot genuinely like you that much when first meeting you. Firstly, getting a reputation for being this sort of person is social suicide and the risk is not worth it. More importantly, the main problem here is that high value people have incredible ‘thin slicing’ ability and will see the real you. Yes, this means that these people are difficult to fool (this makes sense as this is one of the reasons that high value people are high value). Now if these are indeed the people that you want to connect with, then if you come in with an agenda, you will eventually be weeded out and your thoughts exposed. This won’t happen consciously. Instead, you know when you have that dull feeling that you should not trust a person? Or that something is off? That is exactly the feeling that that person will get. I want to make two important points here. This is not about not smiling or not being nice to someone. This is about having the self-respect to not supplicate, to act like a high value human being and to realize that being overly nice is not going to make others like
you faster (it may in fact, have the opposite effect of making them distrust you). It means being warm but not emotionally overreaching when you first meet someone. This is an essential part of naturally being the guy who is a natural social leader. Let me give you an example of a certain manifestation of this. An old friend of mine tried to be overly nice to everyone he met. He would even be overly nice to try to put them at ease or (as he thought) show his own value. I thought that this was a winning strategy until high value connectors and friends would outright tell me that they found him fake and contrived. Unbeknownst to him, this actually made him even less comfortable to be around – and it made him seem like he had an agenda. Keep in mind, this isn’t about not having manners or showing decency, common courtesy or friendliness. All these characteristics are genuinely great traits. However, what you want to avoid is to seek others approval too strongly or to give them a strong thin slice immediately upon meeting them.
There are certain counter examples, but you have to consider them in context. Richard Branson, for example, often does try to be ‘overly nice’ to people that he meets. It is important to consider the context here. Richard Branson is famous and has high status. As discussed in the Social Circle Mastery DVD, the higher someone’s relative value, the more that they can emotionally overreach. And this is not a bad thing. Why? Because they are very unlikely to have agenda.
There are a number of ways to consciously achieve this. The first step to being respected is to avoid a potentially poor thin slice (see the Social Circle Mastery DVD or Malcolm Gladwell’s book ‘Blink’ for more on ‘thin slicing’). Don’t be emotionally attached to the outcome of the interaction and avoid telegraphing interest too early, appearing needy or being someone who has a clear agenda. This is especially important in your interactions with high value connectors. Don’t be cold though – be warm but stop short of ‘emotionally leaking’ or speaking to someone through the guise of friendship when you have a clear agenda. Here are other common mistakes which relate to what Braddock and I consider “Respect over Popularity”: •
Trying to forcefully lead.
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Being emotionally affected by the group or by another individual in the group over petty disputes.
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Talking shit about other members of the group to other members of the group.
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Emotional or psychological leaning.
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Any form of neediness.
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Inability to stand your ground to certain members of the group.
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Not treating everyone the same. The coolest guy and the lowest guy should get the same “yes” or the same “no” in equal situations.
Integrity Despite understanding how to consciously manipulate social dynamics, my social experience (and my mentors) have taught me that the ideal is to have nothing but genuine social interactions with people. Simply become a person with a high amount of integrity and a balanced character who others can trust. The principle here is that people will see the real you – especially high value connectors. And if and when they do, then you’d better be a genuinely good person. This does not mean that you are naïve or a pushover. It simply means that you treat others with respect and integrity and expect them to do the same. This does phenomenal things to your thin slice - you come People are more inclined across to high value people as someone who is to build relationships with also high value and who has a lot of integrity. people that they trust. If you assume that This is especially the case with your Navy Seal people’s thin slice is Team. The only way in which you can build a accurate (i.e. they will long-term relationship with people is to create a see the real you), and on solid foundation of trust, which is based on the whole they are for mutual integrity. Your Navy Seal Team are your high value individuals, Inner Core – those who are closest to you – like a then the ideal is for you family almost – and the best way to build this part to simply have a pure of your life is to have respect and integrity with inside and good one another. intentions. As a caveat, I understand that there are people out there who you need to use the tactics on. If you are being bullied for example, you need to establish boundaries in the proper way. This has nothing to do with integrity. Integrity and respect are like the icing on the cake – dealing with people who create social pressure and make your social life unpleasant requires tactics or for you to apply the other principles expounded in Social Circle Mastery.
Reputation A final point on reputation. My most successful and influential mentor said to me, “The reason that I am who I am is because people trust me. I’m impressed that you’ve broken down all of these techniques that I use, but I want you to remember that they are simply the veneer behind the fact that people trust me, that people are genuinely important to me, and that I treat them right. Remember, the “be all” and “end all” of all of your study on this should be that reputation is the key. In the end, you only have one reputation. So take care of it.” Social Circle Mastery is not like cold approach. You do NOT “burn the house down”. You do not push interactions to the limit. People remember you and remember who you are. Principles like “buzz” (see SCM DVD) are entirely based on this. Thus, your reputation is key for the highest level of SCM and of achieving social dominance. If people know, trust, respect and like you, then you are most likely to be someone who is naturally socially dominant and influential… without the need for tactics.
Conclusion I used to walk into clubs with 50 girls and think that it was great social circle game. I used to be able to think that “alpha male” behaviour was the way to go. If I’m honest with myself, the truth is that it was only after this, when I met high quality and high value mentors who had a real Supernova going on in their lives, that I started to realize that it wasn’t about the “smoke” of being a “ladies man” or a wannabe alpha male just trying to be dominant by acting “alpha”. Those few people who I have had the absolute privilege of meeting who are truly on their Supernova (i.e. blowing up in wealth, health, game and relationships with both men and women) and who are socially dominant and influential in all their social circles exhibit two main characteristics in their dealings with others - Respect and Integrity – for both themselves and others. Yes, they understand and at times use certain tactics previously discussed (for example, alignment) and they usually have value (thus, the value of a “Supernova”). However, they focus on the long-term gain derived by solid relationships and a good reputation. And, of course, on developing their Navy Seal Team (for more on this, see the Social Circle Mastery DVD). These are not the pillars of living a playboy lifestyle, but of creating a social circle dynasty with amazing and dynamic people and groups of people, who like you, strive to be their best selves and inspire you on to greater heights… not just in the game, but in life. Achieving this is true social dominance.
Mr. M
