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Testimonials “Online Dating is the ultimate source of infinite amounts of love and sex… and this book delivers the secret on how to tap into it. This book will show you, step-by-step, how to build attraction from not only online dating, but instant messaging, and through socialnetwork websites. I have been an experienced pick-up artist for many years and this book is a refreshing look at how to effectively obtain sex.” – Justin Sellars, BC
“Do yourself a favour and read this whole book at least twice – at the very least. The technique Derek uses effectively lets you pickup women by sitting on your ass in the comfort of your own home. I’ve read them all, and I can say by far without a shadow of a doubt, this book delivers everything you need to know to pickup men and women online without fail.” - Evan White, NY
“I don’t date online. However, I do use Facebook/MSN/AIM/MySpace all the time and I can say these for strategies for sarging (picking up) women online literally dominate. If you carefully read through this whole book and carefully apply these strategies, you will experience success.” – Sean Carson, CA
“I thought online dating was stupid when I first heard about it. I was wrong. Reading this book has opened a massive door for me. I will never ever have to worry about not
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being able to pick up women again – why go to the club when I can get girls at home on my very own laptop?” – Nick Walker, WA
“Being a female, I was at first rather sceptical when first hearing about this book. This market is generally dominated by books on how to pickup women. However, after reluctantly reading this book as suggested by a friend, I can honestly say that it has changed my life forever. I now have a hunk of a man as my boyfriend at the moment and he is everything a woman can ask for – confident, funny, smart, loads of money...and I found him online!” – Shauna Bourne, FL
“Stop what you’re ******* doing right now and read. Don’t stop until you’ve finished and apply this guide to your life completely. It will change how you think of online dating forever.” – Phil Lipoco, Ontario
“It doesn’t matter if you don’t get girls at all, or if you can easily go to a club and pickup women effectively – this book will destroy all previous notions you’ve ever had about online dating and revolutionize the way you approach it. Go on – read it from cover to cover.” – Ben Lindsey, GA
“Given the nature of my job, I constantly travel. I found it extremely hard to find women to date! So I turned to the online dating community and faced an extreme amount of
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failure. I was pretty disheartened to say the least! Then I purchased this book and it changed my online game forever. I go to every city with at least 4 dates setup for me. I’m never, ever travel lonely anymore. My life is about ten times happier. Thank you so much.” – Shea Moore, TX
“Flat out, I have been getting laid consistently by literally doing NOTHING now. I don’t even have to go to the bar anymore. I can sarge when I’m at home.” – Johnny Chow, WA
“Online dating is the way of the future. 5 years from now, if people aren’t looking online to get laid, they would be looked upon as crazy. With the social revolution of Facebook, MySpace, etc., it is inevitable that online dating will be the forefront of find potential mates. Derek does an incredible job in prepping you on not only how to be attractive online, but teaches you step-by-step on eliminating the negative-stigma of online dating that anyone has.” – Cole Hughs, CA
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Table of Contents 7
Chapter One | Introduction Chapter Two | Online Dating: The Science Behind It All
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Chapter Three | Binary Theory
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Chapter Four | Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
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Chapter Five | Overcoming Online Dating 37
Anxiety Chapter Six | Online Dating Is Fun…But Safety First!
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Chapter Seven | The Profile
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Chapter Eight | The Dreaded Picture
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Chapter Nine | Judging Photographs
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Chapter Ten | Choosing an Attractive Username
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Chapter Eleven | Your Headline
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Chapter Twelve | Your Profile Content
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Chapter Thirteen | Establishing Contact with Other Potential Singles
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Chapter Fourteen | The Second Message
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Chapter Fifteen | How to Deal With People 138
Contacting You Chapter Sixteen | How to Cope With Online
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Dating Rejection Chapter Seventeen | The Instant-Messenger
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Game
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Chapter Eighteen | The Phone Game
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Chapter Nineteen | Non-Dating Social 190
Websites (Facebook!) Chapter Twenty| How to Deal with Messages on Non-Dating Social Websites
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Chapter Twenty One| The First Date
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Chapter Twenty Two | The Final Notes
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C hapter One | Introduction “Effectively portraying yourself through written language in a sexually receptive manner can bring you a life of happiness, love, and sex.” So, did I grab your attention? Good. Because the next few chapters will change you and your life forever - I mean it. You can effectively be marketing yourself as an attractive, confident, sexy single to other attractive singles while you sleep, work, play golf, spend time with family, spend time with friends, watch a movie, or while you are simply doing nothing.
Over my many years of dating I have experienced it all - failure, heartache, depression, and loneliness. I always had great friends but I was lacking in one vital department of life – love! I was sick and tired being shut down by women literally all the time. I was tired of settling for girls that I weren’t really interested in! All my friends would be going out with gorgeous, stunning girls all the time that were not only beautiful but amazing people! My friends weren’t that great looking, either. Many of which I
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would consider average-looking. I was sick of feeling this way that I did about my situation and desperately wanted a way out of this. “Then…I began to do some research.” I immediately went to the library and looked up all the books I could on the subject of dating and attraction. I researched heavily on the internet on my little Dell laptop, frantically trying to find answers. I bought other e-books and read them all multiple times. I wasn’t even thinking about the online dating aspect just yet. I was overwhelmed by the wealth of information out there and wanted a quick fix. Then, I met a co-worker at the suit store I worked at…
His name was Sean and I’ll leave his last name out for this one. He was one of those friends who were just naturally gifted with women. Every day at work he would have beautiful, gorgeous, sexy women come in wanting to talk to him and spend time with him. He was definitely not a good looking guy at all. I mean, he was definitely not ugly – he was clean and well-kept, but he was short, very skinny, had pale-white skin, and had the biggest nose I had ever seen in my life!
I had to ask him what his secret was. So, one day after work, I asked him how he could attract so many beautiful women and what he said shocked me.
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“I met them all online,” he said. “Sorry? You’ve met them where?” I asked him, astonished.
“Seriously - about half the women you’ve seen me meet in the past few months have been girls who I have met online. I’ve been doing it for awhile now, I thought you knew, dude. Everyone knows,” he replied. Wow, I thought to myself. I just simply thought it wasn’t possible to meet so many beautiful girls online. “I never really go down to the bars anymore. I do occasionally, but I enjoy picking up women online. My exgirlfriend dates online too. Do you know Ashley?” he asked me. I knew Ashley. How could I not? She was one of the most gorgeous French blondes I had ever seen in my life.
“Um, yeah. I think I remember her…” I pretended as if I didn’t really know her too well so I wouldn’t freak him out. I didn’t realize amazing, and attractive people dated online. It came as a shock to me. I had to find out more. I was never opposed to online dating ever but I just thought it would be something I wouldn’t be into. So, naturally, after that point I simply had to find out more. I began to set up online dating profiles not knowing what the hell I was doing! Days passed. Weeks passed. Finally, a month passed and I simply did not get a single random message from any single. What was I doing wrong? I hit an all time low!
“Then I started to use my brain.”
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I made a connection between the e-books and studies that I had read in the past and started applying them to my profile. I looked at every single aspect of my profile and made it better in any way I could. Just literally 24 hours later, I received my first message from a single. She was a twenty-two year old brunette in college who was actually quite attractive. I was filled with happiness; my body was pulsating with joy. After a few funny messages we exchanged we finally met!
Long story made short, she unfortunately did not become my girlfriend but we had a great night and hooked up a few times afterwards. I soon, thereafter, dedicated my time to find the best ways to interact with women online. I began doing split-ad testing on different dating sites all over the internet, trying to figure out results that worked best. I also began running interviews with attractive men and women around North America to find out the best way to portray myself on the internet dating websites. Not only this, but I have also found out ways to make excellent first impressions; this is something that is useful in all social encounters, not just online dating! I have also made miraculous revolutions on how you can create attraction with a potential mate via written language – text messaging, e-mails, IMs, integrated online dating messaging systems, etc.
I learned methods to not only “digitally” obtain love, but to keep them in real life as well! After all, it would be pretty useless to learn how to pick up women online if you aren’t going to keep them. After just a full year of rigorous hard work, I had slept with plenty of beautiful and attractive women across the globe. I am serious.
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“I have made tons of amazing girlfriends/friends along the way and I have been having, literally…the time of My Life.”
My Life After three years of compiling data with friends and other online dating gurus around the world, running tests, and going on hundreds upon hundreds of dates all around North America, I began to start to write a book. I wrote, and wrote, and wrote…almost for three months straight waking up every day, pulling out my research, and typing it out on my computer. At the end, I came up with 300 page project. However, I got rid of all the scientific fluff, the philosophical jargon, and extraneous information. I improved the format and revised it multiple times and ended up with the most concise model on how to pick up singles online, ever, with the help of my friends of course. I have poured my heart and soul into this project hoping to help others that were just like me!
These methods outlined in this book are proven to psychologically attract people to your profile, how to approach women online in the most effective means possible, and on how to make a good first-impression. I will not only talk about picking up singles on online dating sites, but social-networking websites as well such as Facebook and MySpace.
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And yes, the pickup method for picking up singles on online dating websites and socialnetworking websites is completely different. However, I encourage you to try both as I do believe that they are both critical to become a well-rounded pickup artist. Please note that this isn’t just a book about how to pick up women online but to hold a relationship with them in real life. I hope you put this information to good use as much as I have!
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C hapter Two | Online Dating: The Science Behind It All The Online Dating Profile: Your Digital Marketing Plan In order to fully understand and accept the methods outlined in the following chapter, you must first understand the basic elements revolving why it works. Do not skip this chapter! Many of the dating text books I have read have an extensive background on the science of attraction and dating, and it helps to put everything in perspective. I am not only teaching you to employ specific methods to be successful with attractive singles online, but I am going to focus also on changing your psychological frame completely. I am going to force you to focus on your internal game which in turn will transcend on every level of your life – not just dating, love, and sex.
Online dating is essentially the means of “selling yourself” to others through written information and photographs. It is a fairly simple concept, but like any well-run corporate brochure or website, every aspect of your profile has to be finely-tuned to maximize the number results received and to weed out the options that don’t meet your criteria. Many dating sites, as you will soon encounter, already have personality tests and questionnaires to aid you in your journey to find your perfect mate – some may be somewhat relevant but most are simply all for show. Although a personality test may
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depict, crudely, how you are like in real life, many people do not answer honestly (even though they may believe they do so)! If you are an ENTJ and she is an ENTL, this means nothing in the real world – trust me.
“Real life interaction is the only sure-fire way to completely assess how well a pair is compatible.” However, the process of fine-tuning your profile is not as simple as you may think; think of automobile brochures and websites – every sentence, picture, idea, sequence of thought, and identity is well-thought out. They are essentially optimizing their marketing strategy to achieve the greatest number of responses to their products. This is a very simple concept that is directly applicable when you are dating online. Your profile is your brochure – it is a symbol of who you are. It is, essentially, you and a direct reflection of your style, your personality, your interests, how you speak, and the way you act. It is the only thing between you and your potential dates online. Therefore, you can imagine how important it can be to set your profile apart from all the drabness that’s out there! An automobile company will not release a brochure with spelling errors, ugly pictures, wrong information, and lies (well, to a certain extent) and nor should you. Have you ever been to an extremely popular website that has had poor design and spelling errors? The list of examples goes on.
An even more real life analogy would be simple social interaction. When you interact with people, whether it be members of the opposite sex or not, you are selling
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yourself. Your body language, your verbal language, your opinions on politics, movies, and music, how you act, the decisions you make, etc., all convey qualities that others may deem either attractive or unattractive. You are on a perpetual ad campaign to sell yourself to make as many quality friends and companions in order to survive. Our ability to make friends and lovers is probably the most important advancement in human social biology; the ability to make quality friends will make up for many of your own personal downfalls. Social skill is the frontier of our human mental evolution. Without it, one would not reap the evolutionary “tribal” effect, or worse, remain figuratively sterile their whole lives without any means to pro-create.
“If you can’t attract women, you are by dictionarydefinition, sterile.” -Mystery The art of attraction is changing. People do not just assess your ability to catch an animal for food consumption or to make a fire. In fact, our social surrounding has evolved so rapidly that much of our human biology and social biology haven’t caught up to this change. The people who have the means to adapt, however, have an astronomical advantage over the ones that cannot.
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Your Goal in Life is to Survive and Replicate Think about every single living organism on our planet. Think about the complexity of consciousness, the diversity of life; there are organisms the size of blue whales that have hearts the size of cars, veins and arteries a human could swim through. Now think of a tiny ant or worm…or even more profoundly smaller, microscopic organisms, the singlecelled amoeba. They all are engineered to do two things: survive and replicate, or as I will refer to from now on, S & R. These organisms, with their varied sizes, varied limbs or lack thereof, varied brain size and mental prowess all have this common goal. Evolution has weeded out the organisms that do not perform S & R effectively and we are now left, in our current earth, the best organisms that have survived over the billion years of evolution. That’s right. Think about yourself for a moment…
Think about your mom and dad. Regardless of what you think of them, the fact that they have survived and replicated to create you is a huge accomplishment. If one of them failed to survive, you would not be here right now (you may be in a different form, but regardless…). Now think about their parents, and their parents, and their parents etc. You are basically a product of a million years of survival and reproduction. You are the frontier of human evolution. You have all the tools you need to survive and replicate. Millions have done it before you, now it’s your turn!
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This Is All Incredible…But… Unfortunately, as amazing you are for you to be here in this moment in time, society has in itself naturally created different tiers of human existence. Now, for example, for you to obtain this book, you are lucky enough to have the brains and power to gain the money to buy it. You must also be lucky enough to have a computer and an internet connection. You must also be lucky enough to not even worry about food or sleep – they can be accessible readily whenever you feel like it. I already know just by these facts that you have your life generally in order. However, you obviously would like to improve your game a bit more and this is where you feel that you are lacking, or simply want to become better…
“You are only as strong as the weakest link in the chain.” Which tier of sexual existence do you fall under? Are you in the top tier where you have the ability to mate with others you truly want or mating with singles that you feel you have to settle for? Or even worse, are you not even having sex or experience love at all? In order to better understand how one must climb the tiers of sexual existence, they must understand the mechanisms behind what the tiers of existence are!
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Question:
Just by your gut-instinct, what aspect of human life do you think most affects one’s level of subjective happiness?
A) Money B) Enjoyment of Career C) Art (encompasses music, photography, painting, etc.) D) Sports E) Having Children F) Sex
Do not turn the page unless you have chosen one of the above options!
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The Answer Is “F”…Sex! And it’s not sex with multiple people – it’s meaningful sex with one significant person. Social integration also plays a huge role in one’s happiness. Studies at Harvard University say that beyond making enough money to live comfortably (which many argue is approximately $40 000 to $50 000 a year), each incremental increase in annual income increases happiness in the long run by only a small margin. The amount of happiness gained from each dollar lessens beyond the satisfactory point of 40-50 thousand dollars a year. Although many might say hobbies such as music gives one much pleasure, socially and biologically it does not give the human body a direct benefit. Since sexual intercourse with a partner that you deem the most superior is the ultimate goal of survival and replication, it only makes perfect sense that it would cause the most happiness out of all aspects of life.
So, what does this mean? No, don’t give up playing that guitar or working at that career – but get off your butt and go find some love. Life is short.
“In fact, the duration of the average life is only 28, 251 days.” And above this, you won’t be sexually active your whole life! Every moment you spend sitting around on the television or mindlessly playing videogames, you’re truly missing out on life.
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Often the most difficult of steps is the first – make the initiative and do something productive with your life. Seize the moment while you can!
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C hapter Three | Binary Theory Healthy human beings are constantly assessing everything around them. Through our millions upon millions of years of evolution, the human being has developed an extensive ability to categorize everything, in the most micro-psychological form, into black or white. What does this mean, exactly?
I do not mean everything is categorized into shades – but black and white both symbolize two opposite halves of something that is observed. Just like in computer programming language, or binary, every single thing that can be conceived on a computer is made up by 1’s and 0’s. Likewise, we too make up things into, ultimately, simple two category solutions.
In a very simplistic example, hypothetically, say you’ve never tasted or heard of sugar before in your life. You’ve never heard of any health risks, any health benefits, or anything to skew your perspective of sugar as a whole. Now, close your eyes and put some sugar on your tongue. Under most conditions of normal human behavior, most people would say that sugar is good. It is a biological response to the millions of years in response to sugar’s immediate supplementation of energy. Therefore, say in the category of physical survival, sugar would without a doubt be placed in the positive category. And,
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for example, something foul-tasting that lacks nutritional value like a tree branch would likely be placed in the negative category.
“Attraction is not a choice.” -David DeAngelo Now, in a much more complex but still congruent example, when it comes to another human being, you may judge him/her on a multitude of reasoning that is universal with every other healthy human being: 1.) Physical Appearance – Women are most likely attracted to men that are tall. They all seem to have an affinity for slender men (not necessarily muscular in most cases around the world). They prefer men to have an overall V-shaped upper torso and strong abdominal muscles. Men prefer women who are indeed fit as well, but also with healthy skin. Men also are attracted to somewhat wide hip-bones to indicate the ability to bear children. Essentially, all means to assess a potential partner’s physical appearance is in fact just a simple mechanism to ensure that they are healthy. Many pick-up artists and dating gurus do not have these traits but still achieve an enormous amount of success, like myself! Keep this category in order – eat well, sleep well, exercise, and enjoy your physical life. If you put a reasonable amount of effort in this category, who knows – a potential mate will categorize you as, in binary theory, positive!
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People who not only look healthy tend to also be much more vibrant and confident. Please keep note that each and every category of binary theory is positively correlated with everything else.
2.) Cleanliness and Grooming – Being clean not only conveys to a potential mate that you are free of potential external harm such as disease. Just…stay clean. Everyone can do this. Wash your hair, keep your teeth white, and your breath smelling fresh! There is no excuse to not follow this and in many cases this can be a deal breaker when trying to pick up an attractive single.
3.) Your Ability to Communicate Fluently and Effectively – I’m not just talking about verbal language but body language as well. The ability to communicate effectively is often an overlooked aspect to attraction. Do you speak in a clear and concise manner; do you enunciate your words clearly? Not only this, but how do you speak? Do you think you speak like a successful, socially adept person? Or do you speak like someone who is shy, and unworthy of attention? What genre of a person do you fall under – do you speak like someone your age or do speak like someone that sounds twice your age?
Remember that many of the most popular pickup artists in the world often do focus on communication skills – after all, if looks aren’t working for you, your ability to communicate takes the forefront in your game. It is vitally important that you speak loud and clear. It’s important that you do not talk too fast;
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always keep a very relaxed pace when speaking with others and use positive emotion when you’re speaking. More of this will be covered in later chapters.
Verbal language as I had said earlier is not everything; body language actually conveys much more than verbal. It is a well accepted that 93% of total communication is rooted from body language. Without saying a word, the way you walk, stand, gesture, and move in generally speaks louder than words in comes to sexual assessment. It’s always important to act comfortable around anyone. There will be much more on this topic in further chapters.
4.) Humor – Often when women are asked what is the most important traits in what they look for in a man, chances are the majority will say confidence and humor. Humor not only makes people feel good, but, biologically it conveys intelligence. It also portrays a strong social skill set, and that you are generally pretty happy with your life. Face it – nobody wants to be with a person who is down all the time and who is not happy. People who are generally not happy often are not satisfied with their social/love life – although people may not directly pick up on this, it does biologically ring through this way.
Convey that you are pre-selected by other attractive singles. And remember to always smile!
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5.) Style and Clothing – A person that does not know how to dress effectively is completely unaware of how bad they look in the perspective of people who do know how to dress (which are most women!). This, unfortunately for people who hate shopping for clothes, shows low social-value. It is not only a blow to how others perceive you socially, but to your physical look as well. Keep in mind that this is a very subjective category; however, given its subjectivity, there are many styles and appearances that many men and women find attractive. It’s important to be unique, but make sure that your unique isn’t ugly. It’s best to have a fashionable member of the opposite assist you while you shop – after all, they know what’s best.
6.) Having a Passion – Having a strong purpose in life is extremely important. Whether it is a career or a passion in music, you need to convey that you have a life and have a social circle that is related to your passion and goals. There is something very attractive about a person when they have a strong love for something they do; it conveys a solid direction in life! Obviously too much passion can be a turn off (for all you workaholics out there), but having a strong passion is part of one’s identity and should not be overlooked.
7.) Your Level of Neediness – Picture a rock star or celebrity – they are, generally, not very needy in terms of money and sex because they are simply extremely high in the social ladder. People and specifically women are attracted to people who are “at the top” so to speak. These rock stars and celebrities, if
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you’ve ve ever met any, never make a huge fuss about what they need in terms of love and money. They have extremely high survival and replication value. In no way should you “lean” towards anyone. This category is deeply rooted in your internal game. You shou should never try and act like you’re not needy – you should truly and authentically believe that you aren’t need. There is a big difference between the two and further chapters will cover this.
This is a general outline as to what this book will cover in res respect pect to online dating. Each of these categories and many other important subjects will be covered extensively. This book is a comprehensive study on human behavior of attraction and online dating – do not be discouraged by the amount of information at your disposal!
Fan Question Throughout this book I will integrate various e e-mails ls and letters I have received that will help shed light on the topic at hand. These e-mails mails have been grammatically edited. Dear Derek,
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I’m glad your book covers much more intelligent topics.
Your
theories on love and life makes complete sense to me and is very inspirational – I hope others will draw from its inspiration as well.
However, I do have one question; how
much do you believe personal preference takes into play in Binary Theory?
Under every category under your “Binary
Theory” section seems to be quite subjective.
Thanks!
Evan ********* Sydney, AU ____________________________
Dear Evan,
Thank you. That’s a very insightful question. I do acknowledge the subjectivity of each category outlined in Binary Theory; however there are some hard-lined, proven traits that almost all healthy human beings will find attractive. The variation in opinions is directly rooted to cultural surroundings or numerous external influences. For example, a person like Marilyn Manson has an extreme fashion sense from the perspective of “normal” society. However, there are many of his fans that relate to him and find him beautiful; they dress like him, talk like him, act like him, etc. His fans adore his music and because of
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it, also highly values other aspects of Marilyn Manson.
However, believe it or not, but Marilyn Manson does have many attractive aspects to him. I am no Manson expert, but he is definitely fit enough – he is both tall (6’1’’) and slim. I’m unsure if you have ever heard Manson speak but he is extremely articulate and intelligible. Given his massive income, I’m sure he’s well groomed. His passion, assuming it is music, is something he’s apparently somewhat good at – good enough to make a very good living off of at the very least. This fact alone is the reason why he is famous and that may very well be enough of an attractor for many young women around the world, too. Although his clothing is freakish to say the least, it does flatter how fit he is and he sticks out like nuts in public. Above all of this, he’s a rock star; he embodies all the confidence in the world. He’s constantly surrounded by hot girls; this shows that he is pre-selected by women.
You may not think highly of Marilyn Manson (or you might…), however, despite what many people think, he does fall quite well within the confines of attraction in Binary Theory.
“Don’t judge a book by its cover”
I’m sure we’ve all heard that quote before but it really is true. Just because someone seemingly doesn’t fall into neatly into the categories of Binary Theory simply does not
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mean they are unable to attract men or women.
Remember that although each category is subject to personal opinion which is most influentially rooted by culture, there are some hard lined characteristics that healthy people generally deem positive. They most positively relate to physical looks, survival (money, friends, etc.), and confidence. You can maximize each and every aspect of Binary Theory to maximize your mating results.
Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game
Prize Theory It’s role-reversal time. Stop treating the opposite sex like pure gold. They are not the prize – you are! This mistake is the all too common, almighty flaw that many men and women possess when they search for potential mates. They believe that the most logical thing to do to acquire love is to be too “nice” and treat their target like the ultimate prize. That couldn’t be farther away from the truth. Attraction is a figurative reciprocity that must inevitably take place – a balance. You must put yourself in the psychological
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mindset that you are the prize – you’re the man. Now, I strongly believe that if you adopt this mindset before you undergo the actual process of online dating or online gaming, you will experience about ten times more success. Personally, I remembered the first time the game began to click for me – it was the moment I realized that all my actions began to become completely natural. I had been doing pickup for so long that the “prize” frame of mind consumed my mind; I was confident, funny, charismatic, and powerful – all the qualities I had wanted to be. I strongly believe that if everyone adopted this frame of mind, I would be writing books on how to not get sex! Portraying this is very important. If you portray that you are the prize incorrectly (by acting too arrogant...) then often you will be hurting yourself more than helping yourself. David DeAngelo popularly employs the “cocky and funny” attitude by mixing arrogance with humor – this is a way to portray that you’re the prize in a positive manner.
So What Are You Trying To Tell Me? What I’m trying to say is rather simple. If you optimize your profile with the tips and strategies I outline, you will be looked upon as much more desirable.
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C hapter Four | Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
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Remember that you are a biological machine and you have specific rankings for each and every desire you have. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs simply summarizes this. A person that has high survival and replication value will undoubtedly have all categories of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs at a satisfactory level. Abraham Maslow created this ranking system based on proposed paper in 1943 called A Theory of Human Motivation. The first four categories at the base of the pyramid associate themselves with physiological needs, or deficiency needs, while the top two layers of the pyramid associate with self growth integrated with physiological needs.
Physiological Needs Physiological needs encompass basic animal needs: eating sleep excretion desire for a warm and sheltered environment sex drinking (water, not alcohol)
According to Maslow, these needs must be satisfied in order for the pursuit for higher ranking desires. If the body is chemically imbalanced (that is, if one is hungry), then eating must be required in order for the progression of the higher tiered motivations such
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as the next tier, Security Needs. In other words, the body needs to be at a biological homeostasis before proceeding to the other layers of Maslow’s Hierarchy. I do acknowledge the subject at hand is online dating and women. However, it should be stated that getting enough sleep, eating correctly, drinking sufficient amounts of water, and exercising are keys to a more positive outlook, and a healthier looking body. However, these topics are for another book.
Security Needs Once the physiological needs are relatively satisfied, the next tier of motivation is safety. Man faces the problem of securing his immediate awareness:
health and well-being
security from crime and violence
security of means to make a living
security from disease and accident
Beyond trying to satisfy the critical physiological needs for survival, man desires for a lawful, predictable society to assure safety for himself. Chances are, however, that your needs for this is well met. If you are reading this book, chances are you are well off enough to have a place of shelter, a computer, and all the physical security you need. However, if you don’t, then maybe you shouldn’t be sitting here reading this book!
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Love and Belonging Needs Once the need for security has been met, the next tier of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is none other than love! Social integration is also encompassed in this category. However this tier generally consists of…
sexual intimacy
friendship
having a supportive and communicative family
After the self has been taken care of (Security Needs), the next motivational step for humans is social integration. There is an exception to this placement on Maslow’s Hierarchy, however. Sometimes the motivation to fit in can override the physiological needs or security needs; for example, anorexia can be a deadly psychological disease that forces one to refrain from eating to fit in to their desired social group. This tier seems to be the most interconnected with the rest as it transcends most deeply with every part of human life.
Esteem Needs This tier concerns itself with self-esteem, self-respect, confidence, and respect for others. People must do something in which they feel they are contributing in a positive
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light to gain recognition. Whether it is a hobby or career, people feel the need to make an identity for themselves to gain the approval or acceptance from others in their immediate social group.
Imbalance in this category can lead to low self-esteem and depression. There are generally two realms that one must conquer to primarily satisfy this tier – the internal struggle for confidence and the external support from others. Usually confidence is rooted from self-achievement that is not usually related to outside support (although external support can contribute to it). External support can highly contribute to one’s selfesteem – psychologically it is vital that one regularly receives moral support from friends and family to maintain their stability. Depression due to this tier may also be rooted by chemical imbalances as well.
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Quick Tip Throughout this book I will integrate key, short pointers. These are must reads so be on the lookout! Success with attractive singles is often reliant on your ability to have respect for yourself. Although I have stated the most transcendent tier of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is the need for social integration and love, most of the success lies in the esteem tier. Remember that your battle to be successful starts with your frame of mind.
Self Actualization After everything under esteem needs, security needs, social integration needs, and physiological animal needs have been met, the desire to become all one can be is the focus and the desire. The need to become an effective, creative, and mature human being becomes the forefront of motivation and this is where we are pushed into the boundaries as human beings.
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C hapter Five | Overcoming Online Dating Anxiety If you are new to the online dating scene, you might be reluctant to share that fact with others around you. It may be because you are embarrassed that your friends or family might think you are unable to find a partner in “real life” when clearly you are doing it for other reasons; perhaps you lead a busy life or simply do not have the time to put yourself in those types of social situations. Perhaps you are sick of the club scene or suffer from approach anxiety (which is another serious topic that will be addressed later in this book). Simply put, online dating is an ever-growing multi-billion dollar industry that increases its user base by the thousands every month.
“Go to any well-known dating site and it will show you how many of people have found the love of their lives online – why can’t you?” Why should trying to obtain love be embarrassing to anyone? By entering the online dating scene, you immediately expose yourself to thousands of singles in your area with only a few mouse clicks. Getting a date has never been so easy. You don’t even have to leave your house. Tell me who wouldn’t want to do that? If you
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are an eligible bachelor or bachelorette that has a lot to offer to the world, which you are, tell me why you wouldn’t want to sell yourself to as many people as possible to obtain the best possible results. If in fact you are still suffering from online dating anxiety, here are a few facts that should help you overcome this, and some quick pointers to justify online dating to your friends!
1.) The people who will view your profile will be singles who are interested in online dating as well. If you fear that someone you know might see your profile, stand back for second ask yourself, “So what?” Chances are very good that those people themselves are interested in online dating as well or simply already have a profile. Trust me when I say that there are very few people who would go to dating sites simply to ridicule their members. Out of all my years of online dating I have not once received ridicule from anyone, ever. If you set up your profile correctly, nor should you. If there are any people out there that go about dating websites to specifically cause grief to its members, those people need to get a life!
2.) There are an abundance of attractive people who date online. Being attractive does not mean you are automatically satisfied with your love life. On the contrary, many attractive people feel the need to explore other avenues to meet singles to optimize their options. It’s true! Believe it or not, there are rational and goodlooking people out there like you! Don’t you want to meet them? Take a second
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to imagine the amount of opportunity online dating opens for you in this field.
3.) As previously mentioned, online dating allows you to maximize your dating options. Dating online opens a plethora of options; there are an abundance of quality singles that are just more the willing to mingle with other quality singles. In fact, there are probably more eligible singles online than you’ll ever meet at a night at the club or a pub! Not only this, you won’t run the risk of bringing home a nasty troll due to your intoxication. This fact alone should allow you to get over your anxiety!
4.) You make tons of friends! If you meet a person that doesn’t live up to your standard, it doesn’t hurt to make friends with them! You never know – that person that you dismiss as “not good enough” could easily be a valued companion in the future. Trust me – I know. Often people you are interested in dating have friends that are maybe more interesting or hotter! Never figuratively close the door on anyone. Express that you are picky, but don’t be a jerk. Keep your options open and always uphold that positive attitude.
5.) The Love of Your Life might be out there right now and you’re letting the opportunity to snatch them up go. Act now. That very person that you are so compatible with might be dating online. As disturbing as it sounds they might be flirting with another single right now, or worse! It is foolish to pass an opportunity
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to meet some truly amazing people online.
6.) It’s fun. As you will realize after reading this book and employing these tactics, online dating can be quite satisfying. Even through failure, there can be positives aspects that can be drawn. There are plenty of great people who date online, and it is a world filled with happiness, and of course, plenty of great sex. Online dating is a wonderful hobby if done correctly and safely!
Through my many years of online dating I have had some truly incredible experiences and I can honestly say that I have had the time of my life!
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Fan Question Dear Derek,
I’m excited to finally get my hands on your book! question.
Just one
I have no problems justifying online dating to
myself, but I do receive a bit of heat when talking about it to my friends. situations?
Are there any tips to help me diffuse these
Thanks!
Richard ********* Pittsburgh, PA ____________________________
Dear Richard!
I’m glad you are not afraid to at least expose the truth about online dating to your friends. It is vital that you are confident at what you do – confidence is the key to success when it comes to almost anything, especially women. I have received much critique about online dating from friends and family. Here are some tips to help diffuse those awkward and
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embarrassing situations…
Come up with something funny or witty to work against them; “Hey, at least I won’t get drunk at some bar and bring home some nasty-ass freak of nature! I’m terrified by that.”…or…”Hey, well I guess you’re going to have to find a fourth replacement for our awesome Guitar Hero/Halo/World of Warcraft fest this Friday night. I have a date. Oh!”…I’m sure you get the picture! It key to understand that if you talk about online dating like there’s nothing wrong with it and with confidence, then people will more likely see from your eyes. The secret to success with online dating becomes from an internal battle with the self and the anxiety.
If it’s safety they’re concerned about, make them read chapter 6 of the book.
Don’t be afraid to admit you date online!
Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game
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Quick Tip Be Confident With What You Do! Like with anything, the more you do something, the more confidence and comfort you gain from it merely through repetition. This applies fully to online dating and I stress this more so than ever when you are attempting to pick up men or women.
Be confident in your approach to online dating. Fully embrace it and do not feel embarrassed because there is no reason to! Feel comfortable enough to employ all my tactics that I describe and know that they do work. Don’t jump in the online dating scene if you’re not willing to at least put in the effort to succeed! Don’t leave with a bad impression of online dating and forever ban it from your life! Confidence is basically the key to everything you do in life – this book just isn’t about meeting women online and how to succeed with them, it’s more than that. By the time you finish this book, I hope you realize this fact.
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C hapter Six | Online Attraction Is Fun…But Safety First! It never hurts to read this over quickly before getting into online dating. These are in no particular order and you should follow all of these safety measures religiously. You never know when you are being victim of fraud or worse! Before going into the various techniques of attaining love online, it is vital to learn the many safety measures first:
1.) Choose a screen name that is something completely different than your name or anything associated with your specific whereabouts and identity. I don’t have to explain why this is important. It is important, however, to choose a good, attractive screen name which I will explain in later chapters. However, this basic guideline should be followed. There are many who choose to use their nicknames, however I do recommend against this. Although there is nothing inherently wrong with this, nicknames, generally, do not create much attraction.
2.) Give out information sparingly – to start! There is no use in giving your full name, your exact whereabouts, personal website URL (MySpace, Facebook, Nexopia, etc.), phone number, work number, place of work, or anything to compromise your identity, your family’s/friend’s identity, or your financial security. They aren’t coming over for sex or dinner just yet! Just give enough information to keep things
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interesting. That means first names only, the general area of where you live, and nothing more. Initially, do not even give out your personal e-mail address. Many dating sites have built in messaging systems that can be used temporarily before you begin to make hard contact. If someone is pressuring you to give you them any piece of vital identification or your whereabouts, it is a very clear indicator that they are not communicating for the interest of dating. Use your common sense and do not fall victim of fraud or worse.
3.) Create a separate e-mail account if you wish to be used solely for online dating. I highly recommend this. By giving someone an e-mail address, you establish a degree of trust which I will talk about in later chapters. You can easily set up a separate e-mail account anywhere which you use specifically for online dating. It only takes a few minutes! Furthermore, you can use this e-mail to establish an MSN, AIM, or Yahoo! Messenger account to establish the next step of establishing hard communication with your potential date.
4.) I know we’re getting a bit ahead of the game, but when you do meet your date, meet him or her at a public gathering. This also goes without saying. Inform somebody of your whereabouts. Being a man, (a straight man that is – I think!) I’ve never had a problem with facing any overly creepy women, but as a woman I must warn you that there are some (very rarely) extremely wild personalities out there! Usually it is pretty clear who is a creep and who is not, but through some pretty simple questions you can easily distinguish who you should avoid. Meeting
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in a public place does not always mean to meet at a coffee shop or restaurant. As you will learn in this book, there are a plethora of things to do on a first date! Never allow them to pick you up at home. Use your own means of transportation.
5.) Request a photograph. Unless you truly do not care about looks which I think is complete rubbish, requesting a photograph of somebody is a safety precaution. As I will teach you in later chapters, showing not only sexually attractive photographs, but photographs that convey that you are socially adept and fun are vital to your success in online dating. People who do not give their photograph are either insecure about their appearance (which many people find incredibly unattractive in itself even if they are gorgeous), or they have something to hide. Keep this in mind when interacting with people who refuse to give their photograph (after you give them theirs, of course). As you will learn in later chapters, there must be reciprocation – it is vital in healthy and aids in the development of social trust.
6.) Talking on the telephone is vital to online dating success, but simple precautions should be taken. Your first conversation should never take place on your home phone or personal land line. Use a cell phone if possible. You can extract much more information from a person through talking on a telephone than e-mail interaction or instant messaging. By hearing a way a person speaks, sometimes you can immediately know whether you are compatible with someone or not.
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7.) Use your common mmon sense. There is no point taking risks when it comes to online dating. If someone conveys red flags which I will talk about in later chapters, it is quite possible that you are putting yourself at risk. The beauty of online dating is that you can choose oose when you want to pursue meeting a person or not. While you should not take your time completely when getting to know someone online, it is important to keep this measure in mind.
Keep in mind that I am not trying to scare you out of online dating. Out of my many years of online dating, I have never,, ever encountered any problems. I have, however, encountered many suspicious personalities online. Keep these seven points in mind and nd refer to them on a regular basis. It never hurts to stay safe!
Fan Question Dear Derek!
I took your preventative measures and I have haven’t yet faced any situations where I have been exposed to danger!
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However, I
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find it awkward when I’m turning down someone due to this suspicion.
Are they any good excuses to use?
I feel
somewhat mean turning these people off and I do not want to inform them of my gut feeling I have of them even though it may be wrong.
Shea ******* Vancouver, BC ____________________________
Hello Shea,
Thank you for purchasing my program. I hope you’ve experienced lots of success! There are so many people who receive several messages a day that simply do not have the time to reply to all of them. Don’t feel bad by cutting interaction off right away. It’s often best to do so other than informing people that you do not wish to carry out further interaction, or that you’ve found someone else. Often the best idea is just to ignore them completely. However if you have been interacting with this person for a considerable amount of time, simply state that you are going out of town for awhile and let the situation diffuse over time. However, if you been on a date with a person, it is mandatory to state that there will be no second date. This is etiquette. Never lead people on – it’s rude!
Apart from people you’ve actually been on dates with, cutting interactions cold turkey is usually the safest way to avoid further interaction. However if you are constantly
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receiving personal harassment, contact the online dating website and inform them about it.
Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game
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C hapter Seven | The Profile Okay! Now that we’re done with the boring but important stuff, let’s get to the actual attraction part of the game. Again, the previous information I have given you is still vital and you should have read it to get you motivated and set in the right frame of mind. After all, after you read this book, you will realize that the key of online dating, and dating in general, is simply that – having the right frame of mind.
The profile is regarded to be the most important aspect of online dating. I disagree – I believe it is not as important as your first set of interactions with your potential target (although photographs are a significant part of the online dating experience). However, it is the only thing standing between you and your potential love interests – it is the digital form of you! Just like the aforementioned business brochure analogy, every single aspect of a profile design should appeal to as many people as possible; you can weed out the matches you don’t want on a later date. This applies to you if you’re just using this book for your social-networking profile as well.
You may think, however, that changing how you want to change your profile is a conflict in interest in find people who you deem attractive. I whole-heartedly disagree. These techniques are not used to determine who you are as a person, but to allow for the increase in volume of people to want to see who you are. Written language can be
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subjective and people form opinions constantly – you don’t want them to mistakenly form a wrong and negative opinion about you right away otherwise it is simply over. Don’t you think first-impressions are important? I do. I bet you so does everyone else.
Keep in mind that the goal of creating a good profile is to convey positive traits of you. Surprisingly, through written language, you can convey a plethora of things about yourself. Remember that each aspect of your profile all work together to create an overall effect or a purpose. Just like a company website or brochure, your profile is attempting to sell you. However, there is one main difference that you must take note when applying the following rules; you cannot make it evident that you are trying to convey these traits. This is the difference between a man who is confident and a man who is arrogant. There is a huge discrepancy in this so be extremely careful and read through these outlines thoroughly.
However, you can never be too confident! In fact, many of the most famous pick up artists and online dating gurus around the world have advocated that when you are interacting with people online, you can never, ever draw the line on the confidence meter – as long as you are being playful. However, many people argue that this is morally wrong – that being overly confident is destroying who you are and your own identity. I strongly disagree with this. In fact, if you are not confident (as you may be with people you do not know very well), you are not being yourself. You are most yourself when you are with your friends and with your family. Ask yourself, are you like that with people you barely know? Chances are you aren’t. It’s important that you create a comfortable, non-
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threatening establishment when you meet other people – confidence is within all of us and it’s natural to be confident.
When creating your profile, always keep these points in mind as they will be reflected in further chapters when you are interacting with potential singles as well; through e-mail, messaging, instant messaging, telephone, and even when you first meet! The next few chapters will explore every aspect of your profile and how optimize it. Read carefully! It is a rather simple thing to do – but it takes a lot of work… and it pays off in the end.
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C hapter Eight | The Dreaded Picture Question:
How many times more likely are you to receive a random message from a person from having a good profile picture available?
A) Twice as likely B) Three times as likely C) Five times as likely D) Seven times as likely E) Nine times as likely
Do not turn the page unless you have chosen one of the above options!
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The Answer is “E” - Why You Must Have One…Regardless of How Good Looking You Think You Are! If anybody says to not show your picture, they are simply killing your chances at receiving random tells. It is statistically proven that you are at least nine times more likely to receive a random message from another user if you have a good profile pictures; this is regardless of how sexy or attractive you think you are! An attractive profile picture not only conveys how healthy your physical appearance is, but how well-off you are, your social status, your style, and many aspects of your personality that simply cannot be expressed in written language. In fact, profile pictures are the most important aspect of your profile – never forget this! Internet dating websites and personal websites (MySpace, Facebook, Nexopia, etc.) are infected by many of horrible, wretched pictures. Luckily, for you, you will be well-informed on how to make great profile pictures! You should bring cameras to special events such as parties, a night out at the club, or other random excursions. Get people to take pictures of you doing things you love!
There are many ways to portray attractiveness if you aren’t naturally the best looking person in the world. The things you are doing in the pictures, your body language most importantly can significantly increase your appeal. Again, the type of clothing you wear obviously impacts the overall appeal as well (and in many cases, how much clothing you are wearing, too!). Another reason to have a good profile picture is to establish trust. Imagine yourself as an attractive female going through profiles – are you more or less likely to go
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for the guys that have pictures where they’re having fun… or pictures of guys looking creepy and taking weird shots of using a webcam. Or worse, they have no picture at all.
The Type of Camera You Should Be Using…Crash Course in Photography! Many people nowadays have, or have access to, a good digital camera. This is by far your best choice to obtain quality pictures of yourself. Do not use webcams or cheap cell phone pictures! Your photos must be clear and well-defined – there is nothing more worthless than a picture that doesn’t clearly depict what it’s shooting! If you do not have access to a good digital camera, you can also use a scanner to upload hard copy pictures for you. Regardless of your method obtaining a good picture of yourself, the bottom line is that you must have a good photograph despite how obscenely disgusting you think you look or how poorly you photograph.
Lighting is another issue that should be addressed. Now, I am not saying you should take photography classes but a basic outline on how to take a decent picture definitely helps. Always use flash when taking photographs; you want to avoid as much unflattering shadows as possible. Many professional photographs say that outdoor shots are most favorable and in most cases they can have the best natural lighting of all. However, if you are indoors, make sure there isn’t an excess of bright lights. Think of looking at someone during a candle-lit dinner. They always look much better than in a
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room with glaring florescent lighting. Keep this in mind while taking photographs. Avoid taking photographs with too much sunlight as well.
“You definitely do not want to look like you put too much effort into your pictures. They must appear natural!” Unless you are actually a model, or look like David Beckham, you don’t want your pictures to look like you’ve hired the best photographer in the city to do a one day photo shoot by the beach. This can be seen as insecure and very unappealing to people. If you are female, this is a different story.
Always keep the camera level to your face or slightly above it – this will prevent the camera from catching a glimpse of your chins (if you have any). Make sure the zoom is also set correctly. There is nothing more unsatisfying to an online dating user than a picture that depicts a very small, unclear, and blurry person! Again, all this may be common sense to some people, however this must be said. If you are on an online dating site and you only have the choice of choosing seven or eight pictures, you certainly need to know how to take the best pictures possible!
Make Sure Your Photographs Are Recent This goes without explanation. Unless you are putting up a baby pictures to “awwwwe” your crowd, your photos should have been taken at least within the last year.
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You need to be honest in this department – avoid the embarrassment of meeting your date for the first time and having you look about ten years older than you did in the picture! Be honest – it will pay off in the long-run, and in this case, both short-run and long-run! This is a pretty obvious point, but believe me… some guys just don’t get the picture. I have heard horror stories from a lot of my past girlfriends about meeting guys who put up pictures of themselves when they were 25… but they ended up being almost 40. Don’t be one of those guys.
Decide On The Clothes That You Will Wear This can be tricky. You obviously want to look good and feel good so wear the clothes that make you feel comfortable, or clothes you know for a fact look good. Not everybody is going to dig your style but if you have a definite image portrayed confidently, that can be very attractive. Put in some effort! Make sure your clothes fit correctly (unless you’re going for the gangster look, but I do not recommend this for most people!) and that they are clean. All your pictures should contain a good variety of clothing – don’t make it seem like you only have one set of clothes. But most importantly, if you wear clothes that you know look good, this will be reflected in every aspect. You will stand up straighter for pictures. You will not shy away from the camera when someone chooses to take a picture.
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Don’t wear clothes that are far too busy – patterns are distracting. The most attractive thing people need to notice is your physical prowess: your face and your body. Stick with clothes that draw the attention to you and make your eyes, hair, and lips stand out! This is not to say you should dress plainly – I am not saying this at all! Again, you are trying to portray your style and unique image in a few photographs, so your choice in clothes must define you while at the same time not distract the viewer.
If you are fit, show it off! Men definitely can’t wear such things as mini-skirts or thongs, but they can definitely wear tighter clothing. This may not be for anyone, but for those who have great physiques - this is a sure-fire way to attract some positive attention. Don’t be shy! However DO NOT INCLUDE A TOPLESS PHOTOGRAPH. If you have a photograph of yourself you really like that is topless, make sure you are smiling in these pictures and perhaps doing something else. Don’t make it seem like you’re posing for the camera – if you are truly good looking you may intimidate others that do not know you. These types of “topless” pictures should not be self-portraits. Maybe a day at the beach with your friends? A pool party? Make it seem natural and always smile.
Clothing is not just important in photographs. Having good style, as much as you may hate shopping or thinking about it is a sure way to attract positive attention from attractive people. And, furthermore, when it comes to meeting your date, you can follow up with even more flashy threads to “wow” them. In many cases, clothes are the first things that people assess; they immediately categorize a person by the way they dress. If a man is clean-cut and dressed in a suit, people automatically think wealth, intelligence,
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and success. They might even think you have a nice car. They may also draw the fact that you care about yourself, physically. All this can be conveyed without you even mentioning a word! If you hate clothes, then get someone to help you fix up your image and help you shop. This is a crucial field that many people neglect that can immediately have a profound effect on not only online dating but your first impressions with real live people, as well!
Get Your Body Language Right! I hate to make this point sound harsh, but it’s definitely true. People are attracted to people who are healthy and fit. That’s a plain and simple fact that you cannot avoid. You need to convey as much positive “health” attributes as much as possible. This includes your body language!
“It is said that 93% of communication is non-verbal.” That’s right. 93%. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but from a rational perspective, this is a significant part of your game. Mastering every facet of your body language is vital to attracting the opposite sex.
Body language not only portrays health but also confidence. Getting your body language right in the moment of a photograph is crucial. Just like in real life you need to portray confidence and have an approachable effect. If your arms are crossed in front of
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you, or your legs are crossed, this conveys coldness – just like in real life. If you are standing like a geek (you know what I’m talking about) with your hunched back, legs close together with your feet pointing out with lanky arms, then you just simply look stupid. I know there are exceptions if you are taking a “funny photograph” which is extremely important. However, for all intents and purposes, for now… keep your body language intact.
Always stand straight (or sit straight) and keep a relaxed stance. Make it look natural – not forced. Keep your arms down to your sides and keep the back of your hands facing outwards toward the viewer. Stand with a very slight space in between your feet and make sure they are firm to the ground. Always have your feet pointed slightly outward. Try and look tall, but be natural about it.
If you are sitting down, always sit back and try not to lean forward. If you are holding a drink, always hold the drink by your side. Never hold the drink out in front of you near your chest level. You should not only do this in photographs but in real life as well. And for God’s sake, walk around with a bit of authority! Don’t float around like a pansy! Just picture yourself – you are the man. You need to move and interact like a man.
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Picture a good-looking, confident woman. Generally speaking, most women have it right. Like with men, they keep their back straight. Personally speaking, there is absolutely nothing worse than to see an attractive girl slouch. And like their mothers always say, “be graceful.” Girls that move around like dudes are just nasty! Picture what a woman would think if you walked around like a geek – same deal. Women also have a tendency to have a lot of bad habits – biting nails, chewing hair, playing with hair…all of this can be looked upon as quite weird. Also this can also be deemed as quite insecure. Don’t you remember that girl that always used to sit at the back of the class? The really nerdy one with greasy hair? Don’t be the male equivalent of her.
This may all seem quite ridiculous, but in reality this portrays to your potential mates that you are a healthy. Confident people always stand straight – rarely do you see a rock star like Tommy Lee or celebrity on television with a slouch. Not only this, but if you have a healthy physique you will look much taller and slimmer.
More on Body Language – Getting It Right! Practice, practice, practice. That is all I can say. Look in the mirror in the morning and run through the checklist. This applies to both men and women. Look at yourself and go from top to bottom…
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How’s my hair? (Okay, this isn’t really body language, but it doesn’t hurt to check.)
Are my eyes droopy or are they bold?
Am I smiling?
Is my head up?
Are my shoulders square?
Is my chest sticking out (make sure this looks naturally - this should work in conjunction with your straight back).
Is my back upright and straight?
Are your hips square?
Are your feet planted on the ground firmly, slightly pointed outwards?
How’s the overall look? Does it look natural?
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Always Smile! As the title states, always smile! This step seems obvious but people psychologically react positively to people who smile. It is infectious. If you see someone smile, chances are if you are in a neutral mood, you will tend towards happiness as well. If you hang around someone who is depressed all the time, that overwhelming feeling of depression will bring you down as well. Moods are virulent. If you portray happiness, you will draw people in! Think about two couples in front of you. One pair is having a casual conversation, but they are not smiling. Their body expression is cold and bare and their arms are crossed. They slouch and are staring blankly at each other. They might be a nice couple, but they certainly aren’t portraying it at first glance. Now juxtapose the other couple right beside them and they are smiling, laughing, and conveying to others that they are having a good time. The clearly have their life in order (at least at that moment of time). Looking at them almost wants to make you smile too - you would certainly most likely want to get to know them more than the former couple. This is a natural psychological effect that should be implemented everywhere you go! Women are generally attracted to males that have a lot of male attention. Smiling definitely conveys this as well! I know some of you out there will try and consider making “mysterious” pictures. Yes, I do advocate mystery online – but not the creepy way of portraying mystery! Unless you are doing a photo shoot for GQ Magazine, there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t be smiling unless it’s for humor.
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Take Many, Many, Many Pictures! You should be compiling a huge array of photographs over a long period of time. You should have literally hundreds of pictures of you to choose from when you’re selecting appropriate photographs for your online dating profile. By examining yourself in various situations you will be able to accurately assess which poses you look good in, which angles you photograph well in, and what clothes simply do not work for you. When you’re in these situations try and vary your poses. Keep the above to sections in mind on body language and smiling, though! Try to get your photographer to take pictures of you with as many different people as possible, too. At the end of the night you will be bound to like a few pictures that you have taken.
Quick Tip Warning: remember that everyone is way too critical of their own photographs. This is completely natural to not like your own photographs – what you see in the mirror is not what the camera shows. You have adjusted your whole life to basically conform to what you seen in the mirror but do not despair! Your assessment of yourself is generally wrong. Feel comfortable with the pictures you have taken. Be picky, but don’t be too quick to
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dismiss all the pictures you’ve taken.
Again, if you are having troubles with this, get a friend to help you! Keep this up and you’ll have chicks complimenting you on your photographs in no time.
Fan Question Dear Mr. Lamont,
I definitely understand the significance of having photograph in your profile.
However, I do seriously have issues with my
physical appearance.
I seriously am considering just going
into the dating pictureless because I do fear that I am deterring people more than attracting.
It seems like I am
nine times more likely to not receive a random tell from women!
Please help!
Stanley *********
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Toronto, CA
____________________________
Dear Stanley,
Try to put much more effort into your style. If you are unfit, do something about it! Read Sean’s fitness guide that is included in the bonus section of the package. There is no excuse to not put a picture of yourself on your profile. Often more times than not if you build up a positive image to someone and finally exchange photographs, they will be disappointed. I’m not trying to be mean, but you do not want this effect. If you are smiling, if your body language is sound, if you are portraying that you have a lot going for you, if you convey you are a socialite, and if you have a decent sense of style, you will attract much more attention and increase the possibilities of having someone reply to you. Most people are much too hard on themselves when it comes to assessing their physical appearance. In truth, you cannot have this mindset – the battle to obtain love is an internal, psychological struggle of confidence. If you are wired to think that you are ugly and unattractive, this feeling will transcend on every single level of your interactions. Like I have said many, many times, you need to feel comfortable with who you are. It doesn’t matter if you are physically attractive or not – if you people aren’t willing to put in the effort to get to know you, they are missing out! There are an abundance of men that I have taught who I know for a fact are “ugly ducklings” but that didn’t hold themselves
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back! They are dating many, many attractive women online.
However, if you have tried everything you could and you are still incredibly unhappy with the way you look after you have tried everything in the style guide, then there are alternatives! Like I said, never should you go without a picture, but you could get somebody on the street to do a sketch of you and post it as your picture! This will generate a lot of interest in your profile and you can real people in with your personality then show those pictures of yourself. I strongly think that anyone should be able to at least be presentable when it comes to pictures but this is an alternative that some people find useful. Also, you can add a picture of you doing something spectacular – perhaps you have pictures from bungee-jumping or sky-diving. Put some pictures of you doing that! This is a chance to show that you are adventurous as well! However, I am going to be quite honest when I say that these photos are not nearly as effective as using a real picture of yourself.
Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game
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Include Pictures That Convey That You Are a Socialite There are numerous types of photographs that convey more than just physical looks. Remember that women are attracted to members of the opposite sex that are leaders or capable of making lots of friends. Women, in particular, are more inclined to look at a man in a more sexually receptive manner if the man is surrounded by beautiful, attractive men and women. If you notice men that have gorgeous girlfriends are automatically bound to attract much more attractive women just due to his social status. Likewise, this works well if a man is surrounded by lots of male friends.
The most powerful tool you can have in today’s society is the ability to create friendship with as many quality members of society possible. If you can convey that you have this powerful survival tool at your disposal, people have no choice to be attracted to you. That is a simple fact. Keep in mind, however, that some pictures make better main profile pictures than others. Keep note of which pictures you are able to set as main profile pictures.
1.) Your dating profile should include at least one picture of you and your friends having an enjoyable time. You need to include a picture to convey that you are a leader and have the ability to make friends. Everyone around you in this picture should be smiling to portray that you are fun to be with. There are many locales that you can use to take these pictures; parties, sporting events, a night out at the club, or anything that you deem socially fun. You don’t want to
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date someone who is boring and that doesn’t want to have fun, don’t you? Quality singles feel the same way too. It is important you include at the very least, one or two pictures with your friends. If possible, include a multitude of different types of people in your photographs to convey popularity. In each and every picture, also make sure that you are at the center of attention (or relatively close to it). There is no point in putting a picture in your profile where you are not the focal point to some extent. Make sure these photographs clearly depict you. Consider the other people in the photograph accessories to you. Psychologically, this strategy works wonders for you. This is an extremely effective way of portraying that you are socially competent while not saying that you are. Remember, you should convey positive qualities without making it obvious that you are trying to. These types of pictures often should be included as accessory pictures in your profile – as in you should not, generally, set these pictures as your main profile picture. There are many other pictures that you can include in this!
2.) Your profile should also contain at least one picture of you with at least two members of the opposite sex who are attractive. As stated previously, women are attracted to men who are the focal point of beautiful women’s attention. There are many studies that show that women often do gravitate to images of men who have the pictures of beautiful women around them. You can easily obtain a picture of you standing in between two beautiful women with your arms around each one. They don’t necessarily have to even be
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friends – people won’t even know. This is an excellent psychological tool that you can utilize to increase your perceived value. Remember – you are a rock star. You can get any woman you desire - convey this! I recall once being at a university class filled with beautiful women. My friend, who was an attractive classmate, realized that I had started a relationship with a very attractive young lady and I had posted my “in a relationship” status on Facebook. She, being the loud-mouth that she is, announced this fact to all my classmates. The girls in my class surrounded my computer and I showed them pictures of her and showed them how attractive she was. I was an immediate hit with the girls in the class and they all seemed to want to get to know me better! I didn’t even say a word and I was already a chick-magnet. Utilize this psychological tool wisely. The more pictures you include that have attractive women around you, the better your chances at increasing perceived value. Don’t worry about looking like a pimp or player! These pictures often make amazing main profile pictures. As long as you are clearly the focal point in these pictures, you are center-aligned, and the photograph is clear, these pictures often weed you out of the regular drabness.
3.) Include a picture with you doing something you love. You must have some hobbies, don’t you? It doesn’t matter what they are. You should include some pictures of you doing something you love. Studies have shown that women have an increased affinity towards men who are passionate about what they do. If you love playing the guitar, include a picture of you playing the guitar
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and having a great time! If you love camping, swimming, playing football, etc., you should include one picture of this in your profile. Show that there is more to your life than just work and play!
4.) Be careful when including pictures of just you. These pictures generally make up the bulk of the regular profile. That is not to say you shouldn’t include these – they are very important. If you go into a profile, what is, usually, the first type of photograph you click on to expand? Usually it will be an attractive picture of just the person in the picture. There are no secrets to these pictures. Read the sections about lighting, clothing, and body language. Typically, according to most photographers, the most attractive poses are ones where the body is faced 45 degrees towards the camera with the head slightly turned towards the camera. However, remember that pictures should always look natural. Ethically, you should always include a face shot and a ¾ shot (body photograph). Remember, these pictures are the most important ones in terms of clothing and body language – always, always, always remember to smile! You are a happy person. You get laid whenever you want!
5.) Include a funny picture! A picture that’s universally funny… no insider jokes here, obviously! Do you have a picture of yourself at a toga party with a bunch of friends? Or one of you doing a funny pose at a party? Show it! Doing this conveys several important aspects of yourself – for one, you are secure with how you look. People who are generally insecure about how they physically
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look would never, ever even think about doing this. And second, it obviously portrays that humorous.
Using Photoshop or Other Photo Editing Software to Enhance Your Picture This can typically be quite annoying for viewers. Many people edit their pictures beyond recognition. Although they may somewhat enhance their photos, they are simply just creating an image of themselves that they cannot live up to. With that being said, if done properly, Photoshop enhancement can attract much more attention to your profile if done in a very subtle way. If you need to remove red-eye, slightly increase the contrast of photograph to make your skin seem clearer, then do so in a way that the photo does not seem tampered with. Tampering with photographs is a sure sign of insecurity and generally, quality members of the opposite sex will deem this very unattractive.
Another tip is to use the cropping to your advantage. If you have a photograph with a huge amount of space in between your head and the top of the photo, you will look short. Whether or not you are actually short, make sure you crop the photograph so that there is little to no space between the top of the photograph and your head. Remember in binary theory, tall means good!
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There are several other techniques you can do in Photoshop that subtly increases your level of attractiveness without taking away from the “real” you. There are two tools in Photoshop, the clone stamper and the healing brush that removes unwanted blemishes. You can do this quite easily. I go into more depth on how to do this in my audio course.
Keep Your Profile Dynamic! I cannot stress how important changing your profile picture on a regular basis is. Just like any popular website, information is updated constantly to inform users on its activity. Likewise, keeping your profile active makes visitors who have visited your profile a reason to visit it again. If you keep you profile the same for extended periods of time, you will lose this traffic. This can result in a significant loss over the long term.
Remember to get these photographs right! They are the most “real” expressions of yourself when it comes to your profile. It makes or breaks your chance of receiving random tells and highly increases the chances of receiving a message back if you approach someone online. They work for you when you are not there. Profiles of beautiful girls literally are self-sustaining – there are many attractive female users on dating sites that literally receive 10-20 messages a day or more based on their pictures. Put some effort into this! You can easily spend a week going out with friends, compiling several photographs that would be eligible to put on your profile. Just a few days of effort could actually increase your number of partners exponentially over the course of the next year
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or more!
Remember that having a good picture is not just for receiving random messages from women. When you are messaging others, they will undoubtedly look at your profile at some point. Some attractive women I have interviewed over the past few years have said that when men message them, they don’t even bother reading the messages first… they go straight to their profile to see if they have attractive pictures posted! And they say if a guy looks like a creep, there is absolutely no way they will consider responding. Remember to keep this in mind. When you look at your profile after you have established a foundation of good pictures, ask yourself if you think your profile looks creepy.
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C hapter Nine | Judging Photographs This is a topic that is widely ignored and has a profound impact on your dating experience. Judging photographs is not only a skill, but it will save you hours upon hours of disappointment when meeting your dates for the first time. The rules for both men and women apply differently here.
First, Know What You Want! Are you into thinner girls or girls with a bit more flesh on them? Are you into older looking women or younger looking girls? Do you care about hair color? Skin tones? Eye color? Breast size? ...Ass size?!
It is important to know what generally makes you tick as a man in order to properly assess a girl’s photographs. It is vitally important that you know what body type a woman needs in order to turn you on. Let’s face it, guys. We’re in this to find women that we are genuinely attracted to – we’re not settling for less. You deserve what you want!
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Photograph Breakdown and Assessment Here are some ways to properly unearth certain truths about women and their pictures.
1.) First and foremost, women will almost always put their very best pictures of themselves up (or what they perceive are the best). Everyone is far too critical of their own photographs. However, those women take it a step further sometimes! Bear in mind that many of the photographs you will encounter when searching female profiles are their very best ever. Not that this should sway you entirely, but just a word a warning anyways! It’s not fair for me to put much significance on this – typically woman that I have met online do resemble their photographs quite well, but more times than not some of their personalities more than make up for it.
2.) Be wary of women who only show all headshots. Simply a word of warning. Typically women who often show headshot photographs are insecure about their body. Sometimes these insecurities are unjustified. However, most of the time, unfortunately, they are not. If a female’s profile has headshots only, look for rolls of fat near the chin. Cheeks are also a very good indicator of body fat. Arm size is also another great indicator of body fat. Also look for shoulder width – typically wider shoulders indicate a more athletic frame. This applies to photographs are extreme close-ups of their subjects.
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Yes, this all does sound very demeaning, but some men out there need to know!
3.) Look for the body type category. Most popular dating sites will give the option of having the user indicate their body type in their profile; most female users will indicate that they are “athletic” which may encompass a wide variety of potential body types – just so you know!
Women may also choose to leave this category blank. This is a potential sign that they might be hiding something that isn’t pleasant to the common eye!
4.) Look for any tampering done to the photograph. This is a particular skill that may need some developing for certain individuals. However, most females out there have absolutely no clue how to properly tamper with their photographs and thus, intelligent males such as you will quickly unearth these girls! The most popular way to tamper with a photograph is to increase its contrast and brightness – this photographic effect will leave the image extremely “bright”...so bright that many of the facial features of a female will appear smooth and perfected. Don’t be fooled. They aren’t as perfect as they seem. These photograph effects do tend to make females much better – particularly the face.
Another popular effect that is often used is the “soften edges” effect. This effectively creates a halo effect around skin tones and makes a photograph appear dream-like. Like the previous effect, the “soften edges” effect removes
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imperfections, resulting in much clearer looking skin. Again, don’t be fooled!
However, given these facts, it is again vital to say that photographs are not the final arbiter. Many attractive women (who are indeed even more insecure than their uglier counterparts), will use such effects to enhance their photographs.
5.) Be wary of unclear, fuzzy photographs. Webcam photographs are probably the most notorious for taking horrible, inaccurate pictures. They are fuzzy and the lighting is rarely favourable.
6.) For those females that like to take full body pictures only...so full that you can barely see their faces, that is, probably most likely have no idea how to edit photographs to clearly portray their face. Rarely are these women insecure about their facial appearance – they just lack the simple editing skills.
7.) Check if they’re trying to photograph themselves. Typically younger females will try and photograph their faces by pointing their camera at their face by themselves. Most of these girls will go through a plethora of shots before they find the right lighting!
8.) And finally, if their photograph is not of themselves...but is of their pet, car, etc. Give them a chance. They might be a monstrosity or they might not. You might be surprised! However, to be completely frank with you, chances are they are a
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monstrosity... I have had very attractive women approach me with one of these pictures and they turned out to be gorgeous. Some women do this intentionally.
9.) Look for age dispersal. Check to see how old they look in each photograph. If there is a large disparity in age between each photograph, be suspicious! Large disparities in age may imply they are being really picky with what pictures they’re putting up – meaning that now their current arsenal of pictures is the greatest.
Quick Tip Don’t take these tips to heart. They only serve as an extremely rough guideline to properly assess physical attributes. There is no use pursuing someone who you feel is not physically attractive at all.
Have I ever assessed a female’s photograph incorrectly? Absolutely. In fact, I have interviewed many women who, on purpose, put photographs that don’t flatter them whatsoever to weed out the shallow men. I do highly recommend against this, however, it does seem to work for them! Again, it’s important to know roughly what you are attracted to.
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I would strongly recommend against meeting up with a female you have never seen. If she doesn’t have a picture in her profile picture, request a picture. It is most definitely not hard these days to get a picture of yourself online. People who say they are unable provide pictures are either too lazy, too stupid, or worse, too insecure with how they physically look!
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C hapter Ten | Choosing an Attractive Username Stay Positive! The username is obviously really not that important, but it’s good to know the following information and use it. The secret to a great username is to not make a bad one! You will soon realize what I mean by this. Remember - you are trying to create the impression that you are a confident, social, fun, and passionate individual that is not obviously trying to convey these characteristics. In other words, make it seem like you are a person of high survival and replication value without saying it. A lot of online dating users use depressing usernames (e.g. HopelessRomantic, IWantLove, ImConfused, Looking4TheOne, LonelyAndNeedingLove). What all these names convey is that you are a person of low social value. These are the type of people that give online dating negative stigma! Users with names such as this portray that they are not happy with life (whether it be true or not does not matter), and quality singles are incredibly turned off by this. You must convey positivity in all aspects of your profile including your username! Try not to allude to something else like a movie or song; it’s best to choose something completely different to avoid confusion. Names should exhibit happiness and force potential singles to view you in a positive light. You essentially want to make people feel good when they look at your name and associate good thoughts with it in conjunction with your main
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profile picture. When thinking about sprucing up anything in your profile, always remember to have a positive attitude in mind. No one wants to go out with someone who will just bring them down to the level they’re in.
Be Careful Not To Offend Anyone Now are you starting to see what I mean by “the secret to a great username is to not make a bad one.” This goes without saying. There is no point in choosing the username, for example, “IHateAlaskans” – not only do you offend people, you look silly and ignorant. The username is something that primarily displays what one is essentially about. However, for the username, leave it out. Leave anything negative out. Leave all negativity out!
However, there are exceptions to this rule which can be used to convey humor to your audience. For example, if you are ridiculing someone who is a celebrity, done correctly, you could create a very funny username (e.g. “IHateParisHilton”). Remember to just use your common sense when you are coming up with these names. Exhibit the positive in yourself, not hatred!
Try to avoid extreme sexual connotations as well. This is generally a turn off unless you are specifically targeting people who are looking for an intimate encounter… which is generally just ugly girls. Anything that references the size of your manhood, how well you
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perform in the sack is generally unacceptable! In due time, if you play your cards correctly, your target will know if you truly live up to these claims. Not only does display that you have nearly no class whatsoever, it also makes you look seem easy. Men and especially woman love a good challenge – if something is easily and readily accessible, its perceived value is dropped dramatically. If everyone drove a Ferrari, no one would care about Ferraris.
“However, to quickly summarize this point, just use your common sense!”
Avoid Using Numbers in Your Username This is self-explanatory. Giving your username a number makes your profile a little more generic. Psychologically, it makes your name also much harder to remember and makes your image much more ambiguous. You want to create a vivid idea to your users about what you are about, or your interests. There are many users who use their birth year or birth date in their username; although there is nothing inherently wrong with this, it should be avoided at all costs if possible. You indeed still want to stand out even if it is just a name – doing something everyone else is doing is not going to achieve this effect. If you are having a hard time coming up with an effective username because they’re all taken and you want to add a number, try and adding another noun or adjective instead! Length of your name is generally not an issue if it’s memorable!
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You should also keep in mind not to put numbers that signify anything too personal like your home address or credit card number. This is common sense but some people out there…
So…What Should Your Username Generally Consist Of?
1.) You can use the name of a character from a television show, comic book, or movie… as long as it is consistent with positivity. Use the name of your favorite character that, hopefully, conveys great personality traits. Make sure to not make it cheesy and name yourself JamesBond007. You should try and be original! Although James Bond might be a great character that exudes all the qualities of a confident and sexy man, try and come up with something that rings through as unique.
2.) Use adjectives that are unique! I don’t think I have stressed this enough. Look up adjectives that seem to summarize who you are. Get your friend to help you. Go to dictionary.com and plug it in the thesaurus section to come up with some synonyms for it. Then, come up with something else to go along with it!
An example would be…
If you think you are a “daring” person, you might want to come up with a word
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that is unique to that meaning. Look up that word in the thesaurus and you might come up with the word “audacious.” So, if you wanted to be unique, you could adopt the as something funny like “AudaciouslySexyAdam.” As you can see, the possibilities are really endless. You can have a lot of fun with this but make sure you get something you are truly happy with, and that will have permanent meaning to you!
3.) Name yourself after something that you find some passion in. For example, if you play the guitar, you could name yourself something along the lines of “GuitarHeroMaster” or something funny in reference to the popular videogame, Guitar Hero. If you love to paint and you dig Picasso, you could adopt the name “SexyPicasso.” Don’t use these names, but you get the picture.
4.) You can use the words “sexy” or “hotty” but remember to keep it unique to you and classy. There is a big difference between the names “SexyPicasso” and “SexyWhore.” These words like it or not, do attract a lot of attention. Its use has been so widespread that it doesn’t seem insecure, but almost seems confident. And obviously, everyone wants a sexy or hot single to mingle with – who doesn’t! The word sexy captures so much attention; it is no surprise that so many ad campaigns use sex so much to grab the attention of its market. Done in a classy way, the intelligent use of this image can attract a lot of positive attention. This is definitely not for everyone, though.
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5.) No matter what your username is, be sure to check over your spelling! Intentional spelling errors can be confusing for plain stupidity. For myself, I spelling and grammar are some of the first things I look for when I’m assessing the intelligence of a woman. It doesn’t matter how good looking she is – if she doesn’t put the time and effort to spell check your dating profile she either doesn’t care or simply lacks the intelligence that I require for a relationship.
6.) There’s absolutely nothing stopping you from keeping your profile name mysterious. In fact, I say this pointer is a must! How can you effectively create mystery in your profile name, you ask? Simple. Indirectly make a large claim about yourself… and make it funny! For example, one of my personal favorite names to use online was “LoveGuru” – and my headline was… I Know Exactly What You Women Want.
7.) Lastly, after you have come up with your username, sit back and look at it. Does it seem attractive? Is it offensive or rude? Is it too sexy? Is it unique? Would you, if you were a member browsing other profiles, want to click on your name because of it? Does it contain spelling errors? Is it too cheesy? Get a friend to check it over. It never hurts to get a second opinion on the matter.
Don’t get too worked up on coming up with a masterpiece. A lot of dating sites will allow you to change your name, anyways. Although maximizing every single aspect of
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your profile should be your overall objective, in terms of usernames, just make sure you don’t make a shitty one!
Fan Question Dear Mr. Derek Lamont Lamont,
Thanks for putting in the effort to make such an informative book.
I’ve read it twice already!
However, I’m having
troubles trying to come up with attractive usernames.
Could
you tell me some of your usernames to help give me some ideas?
Thank!
Thomas ******* Ottawa, ON
____________________________
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Dear Danny,
Don’t concern yourself with your username that much. And my username shall remain a secret!
However, if you do desperately need to think of a username, try asking some of your friends what qualities they think you have. Do you have a favorite character from a movie/novel/comic book (that isn’t cheesy)? DeliciousDanny, DannyTheDude…if you want to play off your own name. The possibilities here are theoretically endless. Have some fun with it but keep it in line with the rules!
Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game
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C hapter Eleven | Your Headline If your main profile picture is the bread, your headline is the butter. A good profile picture can seriously generate some traffic to your profile, but a great headline can seriously push your picture over that limit substantially! Remember all the rules that you’ve learned about when creating your username.
1.) Ask an open ended question. Make the user compelled to click on your profile and answer you! Be careful not to make it cheesy or demeaning.
For example…
If you are mail, some great lines are, “Why do girls always go to the washroom together? Girls are nuts!”…”Are you going to stalk me? Then you better look like Megan Fox!”…”Do you honestly think you’re good enough for me? I hope so!”
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Quick Tip If you are stuck with making a good headline, asking an open ended question is probably your quick fix. If you’re lucky, maybe potential singles looking at your profile will answer your question! Be creative with this, there is a ton of humor and wittiness you can add.
Remember to ask a question that appeal to the opposite sex. Use your common sense here.
2.) Again, avoid all negativity. Remember to refrain from any negativity in your headline! Refer to “Stay Positive” in the Username section of this book. Nobody wants to be with someone who is depressed and down on life all the time. Chin up!
3.) Do not use plain language! If you want to stand out, be descriptive. You can turn any sentence into a work of art that just screams for positive attention. This is probably one of the most important aspects of making your online profile heading.
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For example, if you want to convey that you are humorous; many people might simply state it: “People think I am funny.” What’s wrong with this? It’s positive, but it again you are telling people you are funny instead of showing it. It’s also extremely boring. If you want to convey that you are humorous, instead of simply saying you are funny, you could say, “Congratulations! You have reached the profile of the sexiest man alive!” I’m sure you can agree that this headline is much more exciting than the previous. What makes this headline different than all the others?
a. The use of exclamation marks automatically makes the heading more exciting. You can instantly create emotion by using an exclamation mark. If the example heading said, “Congratulations. You have reached the profile of the sexiest man alive.” it may still be funny - however it does not evoke as much emotion as the previous. However, the overuse of exclamation marks throughout your profile may ruin its effect. Use it often but use it only in the appropriate places. You must use your own discretion.
b. Showing that you are funny instead of simply stating it is much more profound. Showing that you are a certain quality is much more powerful than simply saying you have it. This applicable to every aspect of how you communicate online. Picture two people; one of them says they’re extremely wealthy. Do you believe him/her? Perhaps. Now picture the
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other person driving up to you in a Lamborghini, draped in Versace with 60 thousand dollar Omega watch. Which is a more effective means of portraying wealth? Don’t make this error that nearly almost every guys does and you’ll be on your way!
c. Be descriptive. It never hurts to exaggerate a little if it is obvious it’s an exaggeration. For example, I could have used the phrase “Congratulations! You have reached the profile of a sexy man!” but the word “sexiest” in the place of “sexy” conveys much more confidence in a humorous way. Paint your headline with adjectives makes it stand out in a positive way. Show people that you’re not boring – because you aren’t!
d. Be clever. It doesn’t take an ounce of thought to simply state “People think I am funny.” However, the example headline, “Congratulations! You have reached the profile of the sexiest man alive!” conveys humor by actually performing humor. It doesn’t take a tremendous amount of brain power to create something that has a little bit more to make people smile – and that’s what your goal should be!
4.) For the love of God, don’t be cheesy! Leave the clichés for somebody else. What this conveys is an extreme lack of creativity. These headlines do not stick out and they’re just plain old lame. Be original! In fact, studies show that one of the biggest turn-offs for men and women is cheesy pickup lines. Don’t fall into this
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unfortunate category.
5.) Keep your audience in mind. If you are targeting women in their 20s, I’m sure a philosophical quote on life would be of any effect to them. However, if you are targeting women in their 50s, this would be a logical thing to do. Remember – try to think of what your target is – are you trying to get someone young and hip? If so, try and state a headline that appeals to young women. More examples will be stated in the following sections.
6.) Capital letters – don’t fully capitalize your headline but you are allowed to use it sparingly. As much as some people would love to think, using all capital letters does not drive people to click on your profile. What it does is annoy people. Using caps lock should only be used when you are yelling somebody over the internet – and you’re pissed! Generally, all capital letter headlines just scream for negative attention – people will believe the person is immature or trying very hard to get people’s attention. However, I do strongly recommend using capital letters sparingly!
For example…
Let’s use our model headline as an example in this case. You could most definitely use capital letters to spruce it up to grab some extra attention.
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“CONGRATULATIONS! You have reached the profile of the sexiest man alive!”
Or…
“Congratulations! You have reached the profile of the SEXIEST man alive!”
This is a very simple but effective way of gaining a little bit more attention to your headline! Again, it is vital that you use this tactic sparingly!
7.) Try using a quote once in awhile in your headline. A lot of many online dating gurus as I have encountered like to occasionally put quotes in their headlines from movies or books. You really have to be picky here; you don’t want to sound too philosophical or cheesy when you do this. The best quotes that I find works best are ones that are again, humorous.
For example…
I do occasionally like to enter funny quotes from movies into my profile headlines. If you have ever seen the movie Zoolander (which is actually one of my favorite movies of all time), you will very well know the quote which the main protagonist of the story, Derek Zoolander says, “I’m really, really, really, ridiculously goodlooking!”
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Be sure to include quotations! This way you avoid any confusion.
8.) Remember that you should always check your spelling and grammar. This is more of a measure than tip. You must do this with whatever headline you decide on. Type it in a word processor like Microsoft Word and correct any spelling errors of grammatical errors of any kind. A lot of singles - and I mean a lot of them – will simply discard you instantly if you have any errors of any type. Show people that you care and go that extra mile. Under no circumstance should there be any errors.
You Have To Be Cocky… But Not TOO Cocky… Create a situation where you are judging her and not the other way around. Men and women who are not successful at dating usually are seeking approval all the time – stop this. You should be the one that’s setting the standard – you are the one on top, not anyone else. I personally find the most successful headlines are the ones where you are qualifying your potential singles: “Cool people only, please!” Often the top pickup gurus will say “you can never be too confident.” However, online – it’s different. You have to be very careful with how you word things. There is a limit to the whole “cocky” thing when you are talking online. In real life, you are able to add all
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the expression and body language you want to make anything you say seem playful. However, on the internet, you have no such luxury! Keep this in mind.
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C hapter Twelve | Your Profile Content Take Everything You Have Learned Into This Segment! It is important to remember that you must convey that you are the selector. What do I mean by this? You may think this would go against all logic, but the more you show that you are a picky asshole, the more attractive your profile will seem. What most people usually do in their profile content is describe their current situation, their hobbies, their jobs, and maybe a line on why they are dating online. This is not to say that you shouldn’t describe these things, however, the key lies in your disqualifiers.
Again, in your online profile, you do want to hold your frame that I have described in previous sections. You need to always to maintain a positive frame. There are just way too many depressed singles that have described their past relationships as “disasters” and are desperately looking for a “nice guy” or a “nice girl” who won’t break their hearts. Again, this clearly shows a lack of confidence – it even shows the lack of the ability to obtain someone good. High quality singles with high survival and replication value will always, always be dating other quality singles. By saying that you’ve had bad experiences with previous lovers will only make you look like the average chump so avoid this at all costs. You have to make people interested in your profile so don’t bring them down to a negative level. Make them happy.
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Always check your grammar and spelling. This is something that will be an immediate disqualifier and a red flag for many high quality singles. Don’t fall victim of this! While you are creating your profile content, use a popular word processor such as Microsoft Word or iWork Pages (if you are a Mac user) to edit and check over your work. This is a very simple step that will only take a few moments but will drastically increase your value online. You should always watch your spelling and grammar even through instant messaging and e-mails!
This is what this section is not going to do. This section will not tell you exactly what you should put in your profile but will outline it generally. I believe everyone needs to have a sense of individuality here; and it would be slightly embarrassing for you and me if we all put the exact same profile on the same dating website and the same girl saw it! We’re all our own people so let’s be proud of it and show it off.
Honesty Is Indeed The Best Policy …or at least one of them. You need to be honest about how you look. You need to be honest about your interests. Although many of the tactics and strategies I employ may seem to exaggerate your situation or make you seem like somebody you’re not (which is again, I say completely untrue.), you should never lie about anything important. Lying about your marriage or your physical looks will only lead to complications in the future.
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The Language You Should Use Also keep in mind to not use drab, plain language. It should definitely not be as extravagant as your headline; however, you should most definitely capture your audience immediately. Usually the most captivating sentences are ones that paint an extremely vivid picture of a person. Like I said, you should be using adjectives effectively describe whatever that is you are describing!
Remember to never use all caps unless you are trying to portray the significance of something for the sake of positive humour. Using all-caps does have some other negative connotations attached to it; take for example the following line...
“Hey! You’ve made a spectacular choice by clicking on my profile! ;)” Or... “HEY! YOU’VE MADE A SPECTACULAR CHOICE BY CLICKING ON MY PROFILE! ;)”
Although the latter may be much more eye-catching, it does emulate yelling. However, again, you are allowed to use capital letters sparingly throughout your profile to spruce it up. Again, the rule about exclamation marks also applies here. Give your profile the respective boost in emotion it deserves. There will some examples near the end of this chapter!
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So, What Should You Talk About In Your Profile? Add Disqualifiers! Remember that the key of making an attractive is to add disqualifiers. To better explain what a disqualifier is, here is an example.
“If you’re a girl that is taller than Shaquille O’Neal, then don’t bother messaging me. I’m scared of girls like that.”
What does this message convey? First of all, it is obvious is that you do not like extremely tall girls. But more importantly, you are stating that you are being the selector. You are the one setting the standard and people are trying to meet it. Your profile should be riddled with several of these clever and witty disqualifiers. Do not worry about sounding like an asshole.
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Quick Tip At this point you might be questioning these methods. How can women be attracted to assholes? However, this statement has many underlying facts. Women are not attracted to men that treat them poorly (although that may be something that happens quite a bit in our society), they are attracted to men that are hard to obtain.
Why do you think gambling is the most addictive hobby in the United States?
“There are psychological tools that you can employ that use this mind set.” Gambling is addictive because you are faced with a reward (winning money given investment) and punishment (losing money). Every time you play, you directly at risk at facing one of these two possibilities. You yearn to find consistency to constantly win, but of course, you are not always guaranteed this outcome. It is this uncertainty that is ultimately the attractor here.
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You can use this dynamic tool as a device for attraction. By being a person who is inconsistent and unpredictable in terms of neediness, you can create an incredible amount of attraction. Therefore, any description on being an asshole in my book does not simply translate to “be a bad person” – you are simply trying to create an unpredictable environment to cause the maximum amount of attraction.
There are many different types of disqualifiers that you can use to create attraction. The above is an example of a direct disqualifier. A direct disqualifier is basically a standard set in plain language. Your profile should contain several of these disqualifiers. Try to keep it clean and fun – obviously if you aren’t into Alaskans, you wouldn’t say “If you’re Alaskan, it’s already over between us. Please don’t message me!” They should be funny and serve as that subliminal but confident message. Another type of disqualifier is the positive disqualifier. Instead of saying what you don’t want, simply state what you are into and be very specific. You should have a good idea of what you’re into exactly – or at least convey it. So for example, you could say...
“I’m totally into girls that have a brain...that can function!”
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From these examples, you can clearly see where this is headed. You generally need to convey that you know exactly what you want in a woman and you are determined to find her.
What Else Should You Put In Your Profile? A huge mistake a lot of singles make is give away too much information about themselves to start with. Mystery and intrigue is one of the biggest parts of making your profile. Just like with attraction, revealing too much is not attractive whatsoever; what’s the point of wanting to know something if you know it all already?
I want you to picture and extremely hot looking chick. Now, picture her in first, a very long skirt. She looks good, doesn’t she? Now picture her with a very, very short and revealing skirt that shows off her amazingly gorgeous legs. Which are you more attracted to? You need to be as stimulating as you need to be to provoke a reaction from your potential mates. You cannot reveal too much or too little otherwise it’s simply over. Only list a few of your prime interests. Let’s find an example of a well written personal ad!
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Key Example Keep an eye out for key examples! I will now begin to integrate key routines that you should mimic in your profiles and e-mails. It’s about time you clicked on this awesome guy! Thanks!. ;)
Travelling is a huge part of my job. I absolutely LOVE to travel (I’m not sure if I stressed that part enough)! I’ve been to many gorgeous, spectacular places that you would totally love to hear about. Monaco is by far the best place in the world – I’ve been there several times and I can’t get enough of it there!
I’m also a passionate musician and I’ve played guitar for many, many years... I love teaching guitar and playing for audiences. I honestly think there’s something definitely special in doing that.
I’ve been with some of the most AMAZING girls in my life and I am glad to have met them all...and I’m definitely looking forward to meeting some more great women.
I am looking for a girl that has as much humour and confidence as I do! Please, if
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you resemble a Chihuahua or something, it probably wouldn’t work out for us... I adore chatting with girls about love and life and I have a soft spot for girls that are not only gorgeous but have the intelligence to at least carry a fun conversation.
I do understand that I am picky, but I figure – why not? I think I totally deserve someone great, don’t you? =) E-mail me. Let’s talk.”
So what makes this profile so great? 1.) This profile is well-written. There are no spelling or grammar errors present. The profile has been through a word processor and checked over by a friend to ensure it is correct and concise.
2.) The profile doesn’t overly use caps lock, but when it does, it does it scarcely to only highlight things for emotional effect.
3.) Exclamation marks are properly used. Another reason why this profile is so interesting to read is due to the use of exclamation marks. Spice up your profile a little bit!
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4.) This profile doesn’t describe past, horrible relationships. This person doesn’t whine about past relationships – in fact, this man has said that he’s been with many amazing women. This shows an incredible amount of high confidence and survival and replication value.
5.) The profile doesn’t give away too much information. Although he says he loves to travel, which is a wonderful hobby to have, he does not say specifically where he has been in his life. However, he does describe them to be gorgeous places. This person is keeping the mystery and intrigue alive! If there is one thing mistake that people often dismiss, is that they give away too much useful, juicy information. Keep it to yourself. Give them a glimpse of some juiciness then hold back! Let them want to know things about you.
6.) This person knows how to have a good time! Or so it seems. In short, this person is staying positive. Not once in this write-up did he say anything negative about his life. In fact, he it seems like he’s having a blast! He also takes pride in the details. Notice his descriptions are memorable. In fact, you can even add more descriptions if you’d like.
7.) This profile uses both types of disqualifiers. “…Please, if you resemble a Chihuahua or something, it might not work for us…” This is one of the things that stick out the most in this profile. This is a disqualifier that is used to weed out the losers and create attraction for quality men and woman. No one with high survival
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and replication value will think they are boring and they will prove it to you. Now they are chasing you!
“I adore chatting with girls about love and life and I have a soft spot for girls that are not only gorgeous but have the intelligence to at least carry a fun conversation.” is an example of a positive disqualifier. You should be using both regular disqualifiers and positive disqualifiers in your profile regularly.
8.) This profile regularly uses some humor to spice up the read. “Travelling is a huge part of my job. I absolutely LOVE to travel (I’m not sure if I stressed that part enough)!” and “Please, if you resemble a Chihuahua or something, it might not work out for us” are both examples of humor. Remember, this person hasn’t directly said “I have a sense of humour.” Instead, this person is showing it through some examples. Remember to add some of this wittiness in your own profile, too!
9.) This profile is neither too long nor too short! Don’t bore your audience with a lifelong story about how you grew up and all the different names of your thirteen brothers and sisters. First of all, you are giving away too much information. Second of all, nobody on this earth cares. They might later on, but does that seem like something someone would want to you message you for? Keep your profile concise. Add bits that will surely spice it up but then stop.
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10.) This person is portraying confidence and the ability to lead. Here’s the key – read the end: “I do understand that I am picky, but I figure – why not? I think I totally deserve someone great, don’t you? =) E-mail me. Let’s talk.”
This person is clearly taking command here! Again, women are attracted to men who aren’t wussies and take the lead.
Quick Tip So, what does “taking the lead” mean?
As you have read at the end of the last key example, the user takes the lead by not asking for a message, but almost demands it – not rudely, but confidently. In this respect, the user is conveying leadership given this particular situation. It shows he knows exactly what to do and how to do – it shows ambition and a strong grip on life!
Where else can you convey this? Always take the lead in every situation.
A common blunder many men do is show a lack of leadership when asked a question.
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Let’s look at another example.
Girl: So, what do you want to do on our first date?
Guy: Um, I’m not sure. What do you want to do?
Sound familiar? I bet it does. This is one of the worst mistakes you could possibly make as a man. A woman will automatically detect insecurity and a lack of confidence. Never try and seem like you are trying to please her. Always plan ahead. This is how our little make-believe conversation should be done.
Girl: So, what do you want to do on our first date?
Guy: We’re going to go to this great coffee shop near my place that serves the greatest coffee. It’s going to be fun!
See the difference here? Let’s at some more common examples!
Girl: Hey, what are you going to order?
Loser Guy: Um, I don’t know…
Successful Guy: I’m having the fettuccini alfredo with chicken and a side of Caesar salad.
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No onions.
Are you going to sound like the Loser Guy or the Successful Guy? It’s up to you.
Girl: Oh, no! I totally ruined my mom’s birthday cake. What should I do?!
Loser Guy: Oh, God…Let me think…I’m not sure…
Successful Guy: Let’s go to the store and just buy one.
I think you get the picture by now. This type of personality sometimes does not come naturally. However, the practice you get at this, the more confident you will be and trust me when I say it makes a huge difference when it comes to attracting beautiful women.
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Fan Question Dear Derek,
I just bought your book and read it through once. wait to get started soon!
I can’t
I know you encourage individuality
in our profiles, but could you generally give me the formula of exactly what to write in your “about me”/profile content page?
And this online dating site tha that t I have signed up for
has a section on what I would do on our first date.
What do
you think would be the most appropriate thing to put here?
Mark ******* Vancouver, BC
____________________________
Dear Mark!
I’m glad you have been enjoying the read. The profile content page is a way to express
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who you are – briefly. That means, mention the interesting thing in your life! Talk about your passions and what you love doing – describe it in exquisite and poetic detail (but do not make it cheesy). Briefly tell them what you do for a living but try not to say too much on the topic – people don’t want to hear about work or anything that reminds them of it.
If you have great pictures, there is absolutely no need to describe yourself here. It’s a waste of space. Do not talk about your family or where you grew up. Just look at some profiles you see on the internet – what bores you to death? What makes you want to leave it? It’s virtually the same as everybody! This is a pointer that you definitely need to take to heart. I myself and frustrated with lengthy write-ups that just bore me to death. I immediately click “back” on my browser and move on as fast as I can to the next possible single that I find interesting in my search results.
Talk about music! Talk about your love for painting, even. There are so many interesting things to show the world.
The keys here are portraying humor and confidence through writing. You should always add the disqualifiers in your profile and keep a fair bit of mystery.
So, if I had to sum it up in an imaginary timeline, it would look something like this!
1.) Opening humorous line that portrays confidence. Please refer back to the key example.
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2.) Interests (hobbies) described with passion. Add some humor in this as well. Throw in a brief mention of your career.
3.) Disqualifiers. This is where the attraction begins.
4.) Positive Disqualifiers. More attraction is being built…
5.) Close With Confidence. Add some more humor to it as well!
If I could summarize the profile “about me”/interests section that would have been it.
Now, for the websites that ask what you would do on your first date (which many of them do), just keep it real! Don’t go off describing a dream date – that’s just psychotic. Keep it simple and down to earth. Coffee at a nice coffee shop, perhaps? A walk through a popular shopping mall? No matter what it is, put a positive spin on it…
“…it will be fun!” “…can’t wait!” “…this date would totally be a great way to get to know each other!” “…this is far from my dream date, but for a first date – it’s perfect.”
You get the picture here. As for any other section in online dating, try and keep it close to
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the winning formula. Don’t deviate too far as this is proven to work! Good luck with your online dating adventures!
Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game
P.S. Don’t waste too much time – get online and start hitting up some great singles!
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C hapter Thirteen | Establishing Contact with Other Potential Singles Chances Are, You Are Going to Have to Take The Initiative Congratulations! You have now maximized your chances of receiving random tells from other users. However, unfortunately for a man, the bulk of your dating will come from you approaching other females online. This is by far the most important aspect of your online dating experience and can literally make or break your chances at obtaining love at all. However, your previous efforts to optimize your profile is not in vain – females will still check out your profile after you have contacted them and judge you further.
The great thing about approaching women online is that there is nearly no approach anxiety at all! I can safely contact several women a day without breaking a sweat – throw me in a club, and you bet your bottom dollar that there will be at least some butterflies before I approach a really hot girl! Hot girls online will receive an incredible amount of messages per day. Fortunately, most of these men are average chumps that have no clue what they’re doing. Their photographs will be horrible, their profiles will be abysmal, and most importantly, their approach will lack integrity. Fortunately, for you, you will be armed with psychological tools that are proven to
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increase response rates. You will come across as a unique, funny, and confident individual. You will get more numbers than you ever would online!
Important Note: The following is a guide to picking up attractive women on dating sites. The pickup method on social-networking profiles will be introduced later in the book. However, regardless, you should read through this section as both methods are incredibly similar.
The Basic Goal of The First Message Your goal for the ice-breaker is to not pose as a threat. You should be distinguished compared to all the other messages that she receives (because if she is of any quality, she will be getting several messages a day). You should convey that you are above her on the survival and replication list. If you successfully and effectively convey this, she will be the one that is chasing you.
The Seven Main Rules of a First Message 1.) Keep it short. Long first messages convey much too much interest. You don’t want to scare your target away by showing you that you’ve already dedicated too much time to her. As rule of thumb, I would say that your first interaction with her should be two paragraphs maximum. Most of the time if your message is well-
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structured, you can get away with even less. My first messages are typically one paragraph – five to seven sentences.
2.) Always playfully make fun of her in the subject of your message. Every message you send must always have a subject. Many high-value females immediately delete messages that do not appeal to them right away due to the sheer mass of messages they get a day. You must immediately, right from the get go, create attraction by criticizing her – playfully! There will many examples of this later in this chapter.
3.) You must give her a hoop to jump through. Make her prove to you that she is worthy. Completely reverse the typical role of the male to female interaction. Again, there will many examples later on in this chapter.
4.) I sound like a broken record, but watch your grammar and spelling!
5.) DON’T MENTION SEX.
6.) Always read their profile to pick up some information. Put a little effort to personalize your first message. Make it unique to the person you are talking to so you appear to be a copy and paste dater. Read the damn profile! If you see something interesting, pull it apart and make fun of her somehow – or simply relate it to something you’ve experienced. Remember, though, your first message
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has to be brief!
7.) Always appear non-threatening! No, I don’t mean threatening in a physically hurtful way. I am referring to sexual threat. You should not be posing to be her potential lover just yet. This is a problem that far too many people (especially men) have. Expressing interest right away means that your target already has the upper hand. Do not convey this at all. In fact, refrain from making nice comments about the target. If the target is of any social value, they will be receiving comments left and right from these weaker, less desirable men and women hoping to be their potential lovers.
These are very simple concepts – and better yet, they are just as simple to perform. The ice-breaker first message is usually the hardest one to get through to succeed, but once it does, it’s usually smooth sailing. Let’s look at some great general routines for first messages!
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Key Example Example #1 You sound like you could be some fun! I could be TOTALLY wrong, though! Something tells me that you get about 30 messages a day from old, nasty dudes that are freshly divorced from a horrible banshee with 5 kids...Yikes!
At any rate, I’m 28 years old. I totally have my life together and I’m more than your usual amount of interesting and funny so you better be ready to laugh. Give me your MSN or cell...if you think you can handle it, that is!
Example #2 NICE TRY! I don’t think you can fool us smart guys with your clearly fake picture. Which website did you totally snag these pictures from? Do you have any real pictures of yourself? You know, like you mowing down on some Doritos with a huge bucket of KFC...
I like girls that are totally REAL! Let’s see some authentic pictures!
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Example #3 I was really bored and decided to browse all these ads on this website and thought to myself “Wow. Look at all these lonely, depressed, and desperate women.” Then, I came across yours and thought...”Wow. This is a lonely, depressed, and desperate girl that is actually CUTE!” Haha, I’m just kidding. But I am messaging you hoping you’re more interesting than your picture! Get back to me!
Example #4 (Recommended) Hey, you look like someone who can answer this question! So this girl kisses my friend, but he’s gotta girlfriend. Do you think that’s cheating?
This example will surely provoke an answer. More on this later.
Example #5 (Recommended) Hey, you definitely look like someone who can answer this... so my friend’s got this box of pictures of her and her ex...but her new boyfriend totally wants her to get rid of it. Do you think she should?
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What NOT to do in Your First Message 1.) Never suck up to woman in your first message. Far too many men do this – attractive females will constantly receive messages from weak woman who will compliment them on literally everything. That is not to say you should not say anything nice. Just make sure you put a sufficient amount of hoops and disqualifiers to create enough attraction.
2.) Never ever mention the word “date.” Don’t even plan your first meet yet. The goal of the first message is to appear non-threatening. As far as you should be concerned, you are only messaging her to break the ice. You need to adopt the frame that the goal of the first message is to simply get her to message you back.
3.) Don’t be too offensive. It’s important to realize that the above examples have a great mixture of confident playfulness. Make sure that your comments aren’t directly offensive. Always add a sufficient amount of cool humour into your messages to diffuse your playful comments. You can use exclamation marks and emoticons to diffuse “offensive” statements.
4.) Don’t mention anything sensual…YET. This is not the time to turn her on. She doesn’t even know who she’s dealing with, here! It doesn’t matter how good
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looking you think you are.
5.) Never forget the first five rules of your first message. Let it be your bible. It is important to realize that this is by far the most important aspect of your dating experience.
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Fan Question Dear Derek,
Thanks for writing an incredible book.
Ever since I have
been employing your rules on first messages, I have been receiving an increased amount of responses.
However, the
most common is them doing the exact same thing back to me! It’s like they have read your book, too!
How should I
respond to all this playful flirting?
Ben ******* Fort Wayne, IN
____________________________
Dear Ben!
This is one of the most profound ideas you will ever hear about attractive women.
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Attractive women have all these playful/confident frames already hardwired inside of them. Attractive women get hit on constantly – almost every single day, several times a day. Attractive girls will naturally, without prior knowledge on any attraction guides or ebooks, bust your balls and playfully make fun of you. In a sense, they are testing your integrity to see if you are a weak, pussy, “nice guy,” or if you are a confident individual.
This is where a lot of people get the negative stigma about “hot girls,” saying that most of them are “bitches.” This is untrue! Typically, attractive girls are much more socially adept and much friendlier due to their positive upbringings.
The best way to interact with these types of girls is to playfully attack them back! It’s a constant game that high-valued singles play with each other constantly. So, if she is busting at you back, then you’re doing something right. Keep this in mind when conversing online and go for the kill!
Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game
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Don’t Get Discouraged As previously mentioned, attractive females will constantly be bombarded with messages from other users. It is not unusual for an attractive woman to get hundreds of e-mails a day! Many of them simply do not have the time to read all of their messages and simply delete them. Don’t be discouraged if your messages go unanswered or deleted without even being read. It’s commonplace for that to happen…especially if you are using free dating websites. However, if you are determined, there are ways to send follow up messages to provoke a response! The following are risky; if you’re new to the game and your messages aren’t perfectly sound, you might get a negative response if you add up a follow-up message. Especially if you are using free dating websites, generally most women are just there to browse and nothing else.
Let’s look at some more routines to provoke a response if they did not previously respond to your initial message.
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Key Example Example #1 Trying to play hard to get already? I think you mistaken me for that other guy that messaged you that had those creepy pictures! Get back to me!
Example #2 I know you’re busy deleting e-mails from creepy guys – I better! Talk to me!
Only send these messages if you do not receive a response for approximately a week. If you send these types of messages too early, you will convey desperation. Remember, if she does not respond it is not a big deal. It’s also important to note that many people on dating sites aren’t really interested in dating and are doing it for fun. Never get down when someone doesn’t reply to you or isn’t interested. You’re not perfect. I’m not perfect. Not even Brad Pitt is perfect.
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In fact, I have approached so many women online that I barely have any more anxiety if they respond or not. With enough practice and experience, I can guarantee you that you will too not care whether you get a reply or not – you will be busy dating other girls – and one’s that are surely serious about dating online!
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C hapter Fourteen | The Second Message Congratulations!
“You’ve successfully provoked a playful response from your target!” Remember to celebrate each success you get! It’s important. Now that you’ve successfully broke the digital ice, it’s time to plan the second message. This is where a lot of men and women make the biggest errors – you need to quickly establish hard contact with your targets. If you continue to pursue a deeper digital relationship with your target, you will both create false ideas about each other; this will usually lead to a very disappointing first date. However, a good deal of comfort needs to be built before finally meeting. This takes place in the phone game. For now, the goal of the second message is to get her phone number or instant messaging e-mail address! Keep in mind, again, this rule should only be applied to online dating websites. Under Facebook conditions, the comfortbuilding phase takes much longer. The reason for this is simple – on online dating websites, singles are there already looking to mingle with other singles. However, in Facebook, some females just strictly like to use the website for keeping in contact with friends.
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Ideally, you want to get the phone number as quickly as possible. However, if your target feels like there must be more comfort to build, go for her instant messaging e-mail address. However, if you’ve created enough attraction in your first e-mail, then he or she should be coughing up their cell-phone number in no-time. Don’t be discouraged if they only give you an e-mail address. In my eyes, if they cough up either their phone number or e-mail address, a first date is almost guaranteed. I hope you adopt this mindset too!
E-mail Blunders These are the most common mistakes many men and women use in their e-mails. Do not use any form of the following in any message to anyone at any time. The following lines show tremendous amounts of neediness, insecurity, and an overall lock of confidence.
1.) “You know, I probably won’t hear from you again, but...” What? I won’t hear from you again? Why not? I know! It’s because you’re weak, not confident, and insecure. Adopt the mind set of “I know you can’t wait to get back to me.” or sheer indifference. Just like in the examples following this one, there are multiple variations of this particular example. Use your brain to figure out if you’re using once of these.
2.) Here’s a great one... “Hey, I was just browsing and came across your profile!” You think? Are you that bored? Of course you came across their profile, dummy!
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No offence if you have used this in the past or if you were thinking of using it. Now you know. It’s far too generic of an opener and many people simply will not read passed this line.
3.) “I don’t think I’m what you’re looking for.” Then why are you writing? So that he or she will hopefully write back? This is possibly one of the worst mistakes to make! Adopt the mindset that you are what he or she is looking for. You’re everything they desire!
4.) “Would you like to have sex with me?” This is an exaggeration, but you clearly get the idea. I don’t care if you are a stud; this is no way to close the deal.
5.) “If you don’t write me back, could you please tell me why? What’s wrong with me?” Weak! Never ever, ever seek approval. They are the ones that should be seeking your approval. This line just conveys way too much desperation – it’s pathetic.
6.) “I wanted to see if you were more than just a pretty face.” This isn’t horrible. I’ve heard much, much worse. Even though this line, generally, has the right attitude, it’s much too overused and a bit to light. Be a bit more confident in your approach. Something like “You look sort of cute, but you probably just take nice pictures, haha.” is a bit more forward and eye-catching.
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Setting Up Your First Date Through E-Mail Sometimes targets will be willing to close a first meeting through e-mail. Although I do recommend going through the phone process first, these rare occurrences can sometimes be pulled off. If you are in the midst of setting up a time for a meeting, always convey that you have a tight schedule. If you are proposing a time, always state when you are not available. Let’s take a look at a quick example...
“I’ll be busy for the next two days. I should be available on Thursday at 3 PM, though! Tell me if this works for you. Get back to me.”
“Things are really hectic for me this week! However, I’ll definitely be available on Saturday at around 3 PM. Talk to me!”
If you are one of the skilful few who can close a date this fast, then immediately skip to the chapter on first dates!
Closing The IM Username/Phone Number Closing hard contact is probably one of the harder aspects of online dating. In order for this to occur you should have needed to built enough attraction your first
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message and have a profile that doesn’t portray that you are a loser/creep! Essentially, the second message should contain all the aspects of your first e-mail. You should continue to portray confidence in a playful and humorous way. Again, keep your messages fairly brief and concise. If he/she sends you a lengthy response from your first message, you should do so accordingly as well. However, brevity should be followed up with brevity. Continue to also playfully poke fun – you now have more information to work from in their first response to you. The difference lies in your final words or how I like to call closing phrase. Let’s look at some second message examples.
Key Example Example #1 After a few lines of teasing him/her...
Closing Line: But all in all, I guess you don’t sound as bad as you sound (but I could be grossly incorrect!). You got MSN or something? My e-mail is ****@****.com . Add me up and see if you can continue to impress me there! ;) I doubt you can...
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Example #2 After a few lines of teasing him/her...
Closing Line: Maybe I’m being a little too harsh? Haha, who knows? You should totally add me to your MSN so we can see if you’re for real or not! My e-mail is...****@****.com! I know you’re dying to get back to these other cool dudes that have messaged you. *Rolls Eyes*
Example #3 After a few lines of teasing him/her...
Closing Line: Haha, I’m probably way too much for you to handle. However, if you think you’re up for a good challenge, then add me up to your MSN. ;) My e-mail address is ****@****.com.
Example #4 After a few lines of teasing him/her...
Closing Line: Haha, you should totally stop treating me like a piece of meat! I know it’s
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hard to given my dashing good looks. Maybe you’d like to carry this conversation over the phone or MSN? Give your cell phone and be ready to have a good time!
Example #5 After a few lines of teasing him/her...
Closing Line: So are you mature enough to own a cell phone? I hope so! ;) If so, you should give me your phone number so I can continue to make fun of you over the phone. Maybe it will give you a chance to redeem yourself (but probably not)...haha!
Example #6 After a few lines of teasing him/her...
Closing Line: I’ve been really busy and I don’t come on here much anymore. You should give me your number or MSN and I can probably try and get back to you as soon as I free up!
By now, I hope you see a general trend in the way things are heading. Remember not to confuse arrogance with playful teasing! Essentially, the difference lies with the amount of humor involved. If you are not using any humor, emoticons, or expression at
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all in your messages and in your messages, you will come across as arrogant. Arrogant means insecure. Arrogant and funny, however, is a totally different ball game. Let’s take a look at a very crude hypothetical example...
Say you are talking on your cell phone and someone comes up to you and says “your phone is hideous.” with a completely serious demeanour. This will perhaps, come as a shock to you (or maybe not if you truly do have an ugly phone).
However, if the same person came up to you and said “where did you get that phone, dude? Looks like something I saw at the dollar store! Haha!” you would be much less inclined to think of this person as a threat to your well being. It was a cocky comment made into a joke! Not only does this person show high social value, but also conveys a great sense of humor (which adds to his/her value).
The Second Message Results If you’ve played your cards right, you’ve portrayed to her that you’re not a creep, that you have a sense of humor, confident, intelligent, etc., you will most definitely receive a second response. If you haven’t, however, then you are being...
1.) Way too offensive. A lot of the examples that I use may push this envelope although I do want to hammer in this concept. You must use a significant amount of humor and positive expression writing.
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Read and check every line after you
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have written to ensure that this rule is maintained. Remember, you love women. The reason you’re doing this is because you truly want to care about women. A well-known online dating expert told me once that you should treat women like your little sister. How do you treat your little sister? Well for those of you who don’t have a little sister, you tease them like nuts but in a caring way. In a sense, you are looking out for them!
2.) Not offensive enough! You need to get rid of the majority of the niceness that is inside of you if possible! Posing as a challenge is, essentially, the key to your emails. If you are not posing as a good challenge to your target, then you have just wasted your opportunity.
3.) You were too aggressive in your approach. You posed too much of a sexual threat. If you are a woman, though, you probably will induce a response immediately. However, this may not be the result that you desire! For all you men and women out there, stop trying to suck up to your targets!
4.) You didn’t have much mystery in your message. How do you create mystery in a message? Think of movie previews that you see in theatres. These previews have an incredible form to create sufficient amount of strategy. They show snippets of stories but they don’t finish them. They don’t show the main course of the movie and they leave interesting visuals out. One large element many women need to
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know about the man they’re trying to court is their job or career. This is a great technique I learned from my friend...
If they ask you what your job is, don’t answer. Just say, “I want you to guess to think what I am! ;)”
However, if you’ve avoided these errors, they should be coughing up their phone numbers of IM usernames in no time. If you do not receive a response, look at the previous examples outlined in the last chapter. I highly encourage you to read through the next few chapters thoroughly as the next steps of picking up your target online are slightly more complex. Not harder to necessarily achieve, however they indeed take some practice to master!
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C hapter Fifteen | How to Deal With People Contacting You These are, needless to say, some of the easiest situations to deal with. If you receive a random message from somebody, it clearly means they have interest in you. However, surprisingly, the strategy is not that different. It simply means you have less work to do. Simply keep your confidence level high by continuing to playfully make fun of your target. Don’t overdo it, though. If someone has already messaged you, attraction is already present. At one point or another, you are going to have to reciprocate a little bit of interest while still maintaining a firm, strong frame.
Don’t Forget The Objective You need to focus on getting the phone number as quick as possible. Closing quickly separates the great pick up artists from the good ones. When you message your target back (that is, if you want to and if you like what you see), try and go for their instant-messaging e-mail address or phone number. Give them the option.
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It is important to not get too worked up about the fact that someone messaged you instead of vice-versa. This is where a lot of men fail. They receive a first contact message from another person and they immediately jump on the “weak” bandwagon. Don’t let this happen to you! Play it cool and maintain your confident frame.
The Game is Played The Same Way Just follow up that message they sent you with a similar frame of mind. They have interest in you, so it is vital that you reciprocate just a little bit. However, play the game the exact same way! If they are showing interest in you already, send one quick message back with a few playful jabs. They will message you back. This is where your call to action should be in place if they haven’t even asked you already. It’s that simple. Now it’s on to the instant messaging game or phone game!
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C hapter Sixteen | How to Cope With Online Dating Rejection The Fear This will be the shortest chapter in the book because my advice will be very concise and effective. It’s the fear that every guy has. Almost...Fortunately for you, rejection in online dating is not nearly as bad as rejection in real life – believe me. However, if you are still feeling anxiety, look at it this way...
The Truth About Rejection If she’s not answering, do you really think it’s you? Many times when woman reject men it isn’t because she thinks you’re “horrible” or “bad” (unless you’ve successfully creeped them out completely which, if you’ve followed my steps carefully, should never happen.). True, you might not have built enough attraction (which will come with practice); however, especially at your initial attempts, you will face rejection – I certainly did. There are a multitude of reasons why she won’t respond or rejects you...
a.) She’s had a bad day and doesn’t want to deal with anything else.
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b.) She’s been actually really busy and forgot to reply. c.) She already has a boyfriend but still uses your online dating profile for fun. d.) She’s using her online dating profile strictly for fun. e.) She’s already deeply interested in someone else. f.) She has too high quality men attracting her correctly, and you were simply too late. g.) And finally, WHO CARES?! How do you know if she was even your type to begin with?
I think everyone can agree that all of the reasons listed above are quite possible – however, many men don’t even think this way. They automatically assume the worst when faced with rejection: “She doesn’t like me because I’m ugly/a loser/she thinks I’m gay.”
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“Stop Thinking That Right Now” Now...the next time you fear rejection or try and think about the reason she didn’t message you back, refer to this chapter. Read it. Believe in it.
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C hapter Seventeen | The InstantMessenger Game My Specialty! This is probably the area in which I have the most fun doing. Ideally, however, you do want to skip straight to the phone game which will be talked about in the next chapter, however, if you feel you need to build a bit more comfort, sometimes the instant messenger game can come very handy. Here is a list of the most popular instant messaging programs right now. If you are one of those people who are afraid of technology, don’t worry – instant messaging is incredibly simple.
1.) http://get.live.com/messenger/ - Windows Live! Messenger
This is my personal favourite due to its popularity – 150 million + people currently use it. Most people around my area have this and it’s incredibly fast and stable. Compatible with users on Yahoo! Messenger.
2.) http://messenger.yahoo.com/ - Yahoo! Messenger
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Virtually identical to Windows Live! Messenger. About 22 million users are actively using this instant messenger. Users on both Yahoo! Messenger and Windows Live! Messenger can communicate with each other as well.
3.) http://dashboard.aim.com/aim - AOL Instant Messenger
Boasting over 100 million users, AOL is another great alternative to the above.
All programs are great and are very comparable in terms of functionality. If you are unsure on which program to get, using Windows Live! Messenger is a safe bet. It boasts the largest current user base. Most singles that I have conversed with from online dating sites usually have Windows Live! Messenger – on rare exceptions, I do get the occasional AOL Instant Messenger users.
Instant Messaging…What’s Different Here? If we break down instant messaging into its basic parts, we see that it is really no different than your interactions through e-mail or internal online dating messaging systems. In fact, instant messaging is a great way to test and polish your online dating approach skills since you have less time to think of a response. However, the principals of
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everything we have talked about still apply. However, let’s look at some key differences to focus on.
1.) It is essential that you should keep and control the pace of the conversation. Just like in a real conversation with a person, the flow or speed of an online instant messaging conversation dictates the mood. How fast should you be replying? If you are talking much too slow, you detach a consistent emotional build up of the conversation and you will lose your potential target. However, if you talk too fast, you imply that you are investing much too much into the conversation which comes across as somewhat needy.
It is safe to say that we need to find a happy-medium. The most effective way to carry out a conversation is to reply in slow bursts. In short, you should be writing a significant amount approximately 5-10 seconds after she replies. What constitutes a significant amount? You should be writing at two to four long lines at the peak of your conversation while waiting these very crucial intervals in between replies.
Keep this conversation-flow going you invest a fair amount of contribution. If to the conversation, your target will be inclined to do the same. Later in the conversation, you should be varying your intervals. Start replying quicker then after she asks you a juicy question, wait a bit to add more tension!
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2.) The beginning of your conversation should contain a false time constraint. You should imply that you are busy and pre-occupied during the conversation while contributing heavily to the conversation. This is to convey non-threat. For example, you could say “Sorry, one second. I’m just in a really important conversation with my friend right now too.” After saying your time-constraint, immediately dive into your first routine.
Like the first rule of instant-messaging, you are trying to imply that you are not too needy or desperate for attention.
3.) As soon as you add him/her to your instant messaging program, talk to them immediately! Do not wait. The longer you wait, the more anxiety is built up. Always open your target up with a positive opener followed with an exclamation mark. There will be more examples of this later.
4.) Think faster! Becoming a good instant messaging conversationalist takes much more practice than e-mailing. Many times than not, you will have to be using all ten seconds to come up with a reply that not only shows high value, but create a situation where you are qualifying her.
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Fan Question Dear Derek,
I read the section on instant instant-messaging. messaging.
Being a college
student myself, instant messaging is an integral part of my life for communication.
I just had a few questions about your instant instant-messaging messaging techniques.
Do your techniques apply to people that I
haven’t picked up from online dating?
I have a lot of girls
that I have met in class on my MSN list and would like to attempt my game on them on online!
Also, as far as text messaging goes, do the same rules apply here?
I also text messaging girls constantly and I would
like to create a lot of attraction in this area too!
Thanks in advance!
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Justin ********* Eugene, OR
____________________________
Dear Justin,
Yes. All the techniques that I have outlined in my instant messaging segment of my book does apply to people who you haven’t picked up on online dating websites. In fact, it’s much, much easier to talk to men and women who you have previously met. Typically, there will be much more to talk about. The important thing is to just maintain your funny, confident, playful frame and close a meeting date fast...or, perhaps, start up a phone conversation! You will soon realize that online instant messaging is one of the most effective ways to set up dates with members of the opposite sex.
As far as text messaging goes, the game is a little different. The pace of text messaging obviously differs. However, every message you send has to have a significant amount of meaning since they are, tendency, much shorter than IM messages. Every text message you send must have a demonstration of higher value and a playful qualifier and force them to reply back to you. The text messaging game can be quite fun if played correctly.
Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game
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Now, let’s look at some general examples of some great IM conversations.
Key Example Example #1
After a few seconds after contact has been added to IM program…
Guy: Hey, you!
Girl: Hey.
Guy: Sorry, I’m in a really serious convo with one of my buddies. I totally have a question for you, dude. I don’t know if you’ll know the answer to this, though...
Girl: Oh yeah? What’s that? Give me a shot!
Guy: Alright, so my buddy’s girlfriend is giving him heat for having lunch with his old ex...and she is smoking hot. He says there’s totally nothing there but she’s still getting so
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mad at him anyways. What should he do?
Girl: Well, maybe he should just tell her to trust him! I relationship totally can’t work if there isn’t 100% trust between them, you know.
Guy: WHOA! I told him the EXACT same thing. That’s totally weird. He says he said something like that before and nothing worked. Our advice apparently sucks! Mine was a bit better than yours, though...
Several minutes of conversation pass...
Guy: Haha, ok well you sound like you can make me laugh, I guess. I bet you couldn’t in real life! I love to laugh, but I must admit only really special people can make me laugh.
Girl: I BET YOU I COULD, YOU LOSER!
Guy: Haha, well hey I got another great story but it’s WAY too long. Let’s talk about this over the phone, then!
Girl: Definitely!
Example #2
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After a few seconds after contact has been added to IM program…
Guy: HEY! Are you that girl with the messy pics I met online?
Girl: Messy? What does THAT mean?
Guy: Oh, I think you know. So I totally can’t find my cellphone. Don’t you hate it when that happens???
Girl: Haha, you are totally killing me. What about my pictures?
Guy: I just think it’s cute that you have little bit of a rabbit’s smile! You know…
Girl: Rabbit’s smile!? Haha!
Guy: Haha, I hope you have a good sense of humour because I can be a little out of hand sometimes – in a good way! So have you heard about…
Go into a routine. Several minutes of conversation pass…
Guy: DUDE! I found my phone!!!! Alright, well we might as well talk on the phone now. This is totally way too slow for me. So what’s your number?
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Girl: Alright! It’s…
Example Analysis Let’s look at how “the guy” in these examples generates a good amount of interest. First off, he immediately opens the target as soon as contacts have been added. Much like approaches done in real life, approaching targets on online messengers are much the same. The longer you wait the more nervousness and anxiety you build up. She will feel this too. The sooner you open up, the less anxiety both parties will feel. Fortunately, approaching your target online is much less stressful than in real life! Also, notice how the guy opens up with energy and positivity. Using an exclamation mark after the opener is always a good way to start off a conversation on a positive note. Again, notice the near immediate mention of a false time constraint near the beginning of the IM conversation. The time constraint in the first example is one of the best ones you can use. Not only are you showing that you have other priorities above her, you are also showing that you are a good friend. Showing concern for your friends is one of the most attractive things to convey to a potential target. As we can see in the first example, the guy is trying to help his friend and using the target for aid. Above all this, the guy and his target are now working together to help the problem at hand. Psychologically speaking, you are now both on the same social team. There is now a mutual benefit between the two parties.
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“You both now share a single, common goal.”
Quick Tip What is the goal of friendship?
When you think about friendship, companionship, and relationships, you think about happiness and great times. You are happy when you see friends or familiar people. Why is this? In fact, friendship goes far deeper than just feeling simple emotions such as happiness and joy – friends directly benefit your overall ability to survive and mate. And since biologically this is deemed as extremely useful, you feel these overbearing emotions of happiness. The main basis of friendship and the backbone of your social group is mutual benefit. Let’s take a look at a very crude example of what mutual benefit is.
Let’s picture you standing beside two other people that you have never met or seen in your life. They are both female, and are both roughly look rather similar. Let’s say one of them initiates a conversation with you and you begin to talk about football. You delve
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into a deep and stimulating conversation with this person – you share information, you share jokes, you generally build rapport. What benefit have you gained from this person? You’ve gained knowledge, obviously. However, you gain a plethora of things that you do not even think about – you are now immediately considered to be roughly in her circle of friends. Through her you are more able to meet her friends, family, and co-workers. You might even meet a potential lover! She will also benefit from all this through you. Now, let’s look at the other female that you did not build rapport with. You do not benefit from her existence and she does benefit from yours. There is absolutely no give or take in this situation and hence, no friendship is built. There is no mutual benefit.
So what can you draw from this? Learn how to build a good social circle! This book isn’t about making friends; however, if you can learn quickly how to get your target into trying to appease you, or benefit you first, you can build a very effective relationship which not only portrays could character but also attraction. If you carefully look at the last example IM conversations, it is quite evident in the first example.
Furthermore, we see the male subject say a significant amount within each message he sends. And, if he is following the rules correctly, he only sends a message once every 10 seconds or so to provide a sense of anticipation. Later in the conversation, if the female asks a juicy question about the male subject, we assume that he will wait slightly longer to reply to add to the climax of the conversation.
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Notice the male subject writes quite well. He uses lots of expression in his conversation and he playfully teases his subject in a cocky but funny manner. He consistently uses mystery to intrigue the female further.
Building Trust This is the part that many guys just fail miserably. It is extremely important that trust be built before attempting to enter the phone game. I told you about the tactic about treating the target like a little sister... but here’s another good one. Act as a teacher. Yes, if they are interested in something about you, teach them! Teach about anything that interests them. Now, don’t get boring... don’t teach them about your job. You should never, ever mention work when you’re talking to women on the internet. Instead, if you have a hobby that they’re interested in, you can teach them about that. Personally, I play guitar. Women are very interested in this as I have discovered. Another great way to build trust is to tell secrets. If you’ve noticed one huge difference you have between your closest friends and your average friends, one of the largest differences in your relationship is the sharing of your secrets. You will only share your deepest secrets with your closest friends. Your closest friends will inevitably do the same with you.
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By sharing a secret, even if it’s a fun little secret, is a great way to build trust. You can start off with a statement like... “You wanna know a little funny secret about me? I totally don’t like chocolate at all. In fact, I hate it.” Remember that the worst thing you can do when building trust is say “trust me.” DO NOT DO THIS. What gives her any incentive to trust you already? You’ve barely built any rapport, and although you may have made a good impression so far, it is detrimental to do this. Remember the example we talked about in Binary Theory about the Lamborghini and the two guys? This is the exact same idea. Do not tell her that you’re trustworthy, display trustworthiness. Don’t ever tell her you’re funny; show her that you’re funny. Don’t tell her you’re confident; show her! Get it? And finally, never enquire about their whereabouts in the early stages of the relationship. Never ask them to give you information that would compromise their security to start.
Gossip Syndrome If you know anything about women, you will know that they are absolutely in love with gossip. In particular, they love social gossip, especially if it is in their immediate circle of friends. Exploit this fact and talk about some juicy gossip that is going on within your immediate group of friends. Of course you wouldn’t share your best friend’s deepest secrets, but this a story I often tell them...
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“So my friend started going out with this new chick... and she’s gorgeous and he really likes her. However, he’s got a box filled with pictures of him and his ex-girlfriend. Do you think he should get rid of the box?”
Get her involved in the story and ask for her opinion. She will definitely respond to this.
Dealing With IM Woes Here are some rough encounters you may face when speaking with a target on an IM program. Let’s look at first the situation and the possible remedies for these situations.
1.) He/she is a very light speaker. You will eventually encounter people that are just not quite talkative online. Do not be discouraged, however…many times than not, they are not truly that shy in real life. Holding a conversation online requires much more work as typing is involved – if someone isn’t the greatest typist, there will be some troubles. Here are some ways you can spice up these often boring conversations.
a.) You can effectively force them to invest much more into the conversation if you say something of significance. The simple investment of saying more than
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usual will push your target to invest more into the conversation as well too.
b.) Playfully tease them. You need to create comfort with your target by playfully teasing them. They will sooner or later open up to you.
c.) Start asking interesting questions. If you remember the example from earlier, ask a question about your friend and how you can help him with his girlfriend. Asking a lot of open-ended questions helps keep the flow of the conversation going at a constant rate.
2.) He/she has to go right away. Sometimes when you open your target right away, he/she will have to go immediately. There is not a lot you can do in this situation if the target sincerely has to go very shortly. However, you do not want to waste a great time to build rapport. There are a couple of things you can do to try and remedy the situation.
a.) First off, don’t immediately give away your phone number. I don’t have to explain why this is important. You appear weak and easy. Achieve the mindset that he/she will have to earn the right to get your phone number. You are a high quality single that is not desperate.
b.) You can start poking fun at the situation. I like to say stuff like, “Aww, I guess I’m way too cool for you, huh. Yeah, I totally get that problem all the
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time!”...”Too much for you already? Haha! Knew it.” – you get the picture.
c.) Follow up with a time constraint. You can follow up with another time restraint of yourself...”Oh really? That’s perfect because something just came up too! We’ll talk soon!” This is by far the simplest way to close the conversation.
3.) She stops responding for no reason. If your target stops talking to you, you simply have not generated enough interest. Starting up a conversation again can be awkward – and so it should be. If this happens, the best way to remedy this is to learn how to generate enough interest in each and every message you send. They need to be concise, brief, funny, interesting, and convey confidence.
4.) She doesn’t stop talking. If you’re having this problem, you are not necessarily doing anything bad. However, chances are if you perceive this, you certainly may not be compatible with the target person. I rarely ever get this complaint – however, if you do indeed get this problem, make sure you take the target through the phone game to properly assess their personality. The IM game is indeed fun, but it is not the greatest indicator of one’s true personality.
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The Importance of The IM Skill Set Instant messaging has become one of the most main stream ways of communicating. It is important to constantly brush up on these skills every now and then with your friends. As important as I stress this aspect of online dating is it should be noted that it is critical you do not stay in this phase for very long. If you and your target are using this as your primary means of communication, a lot of expectations will in your relationship. Never forget the goal of the IM conversation – it is to effectively initiate a phone conversation or meeting as fast as possible without breaking the comfort level.
Initiating The Phone Game from IM Game Initiating the phone game from the IM game always been done within the very first IM conversation especially given the time of day. Typically during mid-day or afternoon, it is typically not the very best time to initiate a very long phone conversation with your target. The best time to initiate a phone conversation through IM is typically during the night on a weekday where you know for sure he/she does not have any plans. One of the best queues that he or she is ready for the phone game is if they start showing indicators of heavy interest in you. Here are some ways you can tell if he/she is truly digging you.
1.) He/she starts increasing the pace of the conversation. That is, he or she starts decreasing the interval between what they are saying. This shows that they are
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now much more truly invested in the conversation. If you sense that they are increasing the pace of the interaction, you too should also slightly decrease the interval between your messages. If they are consistently increasing the pace of the interaction for the next 10 messages, it is safe to assume that your target is into you.
2.) Your target is increasing the amount of what they say. This is clearly a no-brainer. If they are speaking much more than they were initially, it’s always a great sign.
3.) They start laughing. If they show signs that they are receiving your humor well (you can see indications of this if they say “lol” for example. This is an online abbreviation for “laugh out loud.”) then you can safely assume another indicator of interest is present.
4.) They start asking private questions about you. If they begin to ask personal questions about you, you can safely assume that they have some vested interested in you. How should you deal with these questions? Remember back to the chapter on your profile content – don’t give too much away! It’s okay to refuse to answer a question. Sometimes you can say, “Hm, I don’t know if I trust you enough yet to answer all these questions just yet! ;)” – make it playful! Don’t be serious otherwise you will creep your target out.
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5.) They take a long time to answer your message. I am speaking specifically at the function in most IM programs which allow you to see if your target is in the process of typing a message. If you see them taking an increased duration when they are typing a message to you, then they are trying to extra careful with what they’re trying to say to you. This is a great indicator of interest. Sometimes you can playfully tease them while they’re doing this by saying things like, “Wow, you type REALLY slow! Hurry up! Haha.”
6.) They begin to compliment you. At this point, it’s over. You should immediately start thinking about moving to the phone game.
Apart from the last indicator of interest, you should be waiting for at least five indicators of interests before even thinking about moving to the phone game. If you attempt to move to the phone game too quickly, you will freak the target out and chances are you will appear much too needy.
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Fan Question Dear Derek,
I found your chapter on instant messaging the most helpful when trying to pick up women online. problem. phase.
However, I do have one
I find that many times I am getting stuck in the IM
That is, I am having problems converting from the IM
game to the phone game.
Is there any way I can fix this?
My
target is still showing a sufficient number of indicators of interest est but I just can’t seem to make the shift!
Vince ******* New York, NY
____________________________ Dear Vince,
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Any tips?
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This is a problem far too many couples have. They develop a very strong relationship through IM messages but fail to create something deeper beyond that. They feel so safe and comfortable at this stage that they feel that moving forward would negatively affect the overall integrity of their relationship. As I had said in the IM chapter, you should prevent this from happening at all costs! You will begin to develop too many ideas about the other person that they may never live up to. The first meet will most definitely be a disappointment.
Take it from me – I went through this phase as well! I met this wonderful girl at the college I went to. We began talking on MSN frequently. We definitely created attraction; however we were in the IM stage for too long. When we finally set up a date, it was far too late! It was so awkward it wasn’t even funny. There are ways around this, however, but the best way to remedy this is to get to the phone game as quickly as possible.
The problem with targets not wanting to head into the phone game is the lack of comfort. They feel it is much too early to that stage and feel like they need to feel to be more connected to you in order for this to happen. The best way to overcome this is to continue creating attraction and create a smooth sequence to ask for their phone number as outlined in Chapter 17 – The Phone Game.
After you receive a sufficient amount of indicators of interest through your IM conversations, express to your target that you are tired of typing and would like to chat on
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the phone!
If you remember from the earlier in this chapter, you will recall the “lost cell phone routine.” This is a great way to start off a phone conversation. At the beginning of your IM situation, express to your target that you “lost” your cell phone and that you are busy looking for it. This also acts as a false-time constraint. After you have received a sufficient amount of interest from your target, miraculously “find” your phone and ask the target to resume the conversation on the phone. This one works magic. I use this most of the time.
Another great routine to use is the “My Hand Hurts” sequence. Just say you hurt your hand working out at the gym the day before and express that you would way rather talk on the phone.
Always try to get their number. If you give them the burden to start with, there is a very good chance that they will not have the guts to give you a call. If you take the initiative in the phone game you will look much more attractive when you do it properly – and being the new confident self, you will make that phone call.
Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game
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C hapter Eighteen | The Phone Game If You’ve Gotten This Far… Congratulations! You’ve most likely by now beaten most of your competition and are on the way to your first date. Remember to celebrate every accomplishment as big or as small as you may perceive them. This is important.
The phone game is considered by far the most nerve-wracking for men and women alike. Phone conversations completely eliminate the time in between “messages” to each other and effectively you need to be absolutely ready for these encounters. If you enter into a phone conversation with a person you’ve never talked to, you need to be in the zone one hundred percent in order for things to effectively turn out in your favour.
In my last chapter, I talked a little bit about the pace of the conversation in an instant-messaging scenario – however, on the phone, the pace of the conversation is much more important. The pace of the conversation can convey how confident you are, how desperate you are, if you’re a regular loser, if you’re intelligent, if you’re funny, if you’re “cool”, if you’re creepy, etc. In this chapter, I can indeed tell you on what you should do and what you should say. However, ultimately, if you are not mentally sound for the phone conversation, you are already destined to fail. Can you learn to eliminate this? Most definitely. However, the phone game probably takes the most practice to
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perfect.
Your First Task – A Rather Gutsy Exercise! I know that at least 50% of you who read this book will not do the following exercise. I advise you to not be part of this crude statistic because the next exercise might completely change your phone game approach! This is what I want you to do... 1.) Get out your phone book. 2.) Find five random entries in the phone book. Make sure they are completely random. Have a friend pick them out for you. 3.) Write them down. 4.) Wait until you are by yourself. 5.) Pick up the phone and dial any one of the five phone numbers. 6.) Start a random conversation – do the best you can! Try and hold the conversation for as long as possible. It does not matter if they are male or female. Just talk! 7.) Record your times.
Finished? Good for you. Seriously. It takes a lot of guts to do what you just did. Now for each conversation, note what you said and how the conversation went. For the longest recorded conversation, note what went right. Would have more humor prolonged
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the conversation? Would have playfully making fun of the target (if opposite sex) been better? Did you end the conversation on a positive note?
Now for your shortest conversation, analyze that also. What did you do wrong? Were you creeping out the other person? Did that person just simply want to end the conversation as fast as possible? What do you think would have helped?
This exercise not only helps you with approach anxiety, but it gives you much needed practice on starting a quality random conversation. If you’ve ever had a conversation with an extremely good conversationalist, you will notice a few key things.
1.) Right from the get go this person will have your attention. You will not feel pressured or threatened. You will not be creeped out.
2.) This person will paint vivid pictures. He or she tells emotional stories – not necessarily long ones, but stories that are to the point. They have a purpose or an end goal.
3.) This person is a clear talker. The speed of the conversation is just right. The volume of his or her voice is loud and clear. This person also constantly makes eye contact with you to grab your attention.
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4.) This person will limit the silence. The transition in between topics is smooth. There is a limit on the amount of silence used.
5.) This person’s posture is always in check. Go back to my section on body language. Memorize it.
6.) This person will always, always end on a positive note.
Perfecting Your Speech Being an articulate speaker is such a vital skill in not only trying to pick up the opposite sex, but life in general. The ability to speak well and convey a message effectively can affect your social life profoundly. It also conveys a great deal of intelligence. Needless to say, you should constantly be trying to better your speech every day. If the language you’re trying to pickup men or women with isn’t your first language, it is definitely not game over. However, acknowledge that it is something worth to constantly work for.
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The Five Common Speech Mistakes – We’ve All Done Them at Some Point In Our Lives… The first common speech mistake is low volume. The obvious reason why this is undesirable is that people simply can’t hear you. However, projecting your voice out loud shows a great deal of confidence. If you’re a person that doesn’t project their voice sufficiently, there are exercises that you can do to remedy. For the following few exercises, you will need a mirror and a tape recorder (if you do not have a tape recorder you can use the microphone on your computer). Start the recorder and say the following sentence… “From now on, I will constantly strive to speak loudly.” While you’re saying this statement, look in the mirror? How do you look? Does it seem like you’re physically struggling to get the words out? How’s your body language while you’re saying it? Realistically, you should get a friend to help you assess these problems if they are occurring. Say it two more times. Each time you say the sentence, take a few steps away from the microphone, each time increasing your volume. Do not scream, though! Screaming is not the objective of the exercise. If you feel like you’re shouting, smile! Volume is relative to the amount of air exiting your mouth. You don’t have to put any significant amount of stress on your muscles. Make it seem natural. Finally, listen to your recording and assess whether it is easy to listen to. Repeat this exercise. Do it once a day.
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The second common speech problem is talking speed. Speaking quickly is not only too hard to understand, but it also makes you seem nervous and make your statements sound trivial. For this exercise, you still need your mirror and your microphone. Start recording and say the following line…
“I will speak slowly and clearly from now on. I will no longer bunch my words together and slur them. I will still continue to speak loud and clear.” When saying these statements, pronounce each and every syllable fully. Take an unusually long pause in between each and every word. This will seem unnatural at first but it is supposed to. Repeat these statements two more times. Each time you do it, shorten the pause slightly until it begins to sound natural. Again, get a friend to help you out with this. Don’t forget to look in the mirror while you do this and keep your body language in check – don’t forget that posture and stance can have an effect on your speech. Listen to your recording and assess whether it sounds natural or not.
The third common speech problem is…umm…uhhh…it’s…hmm…”brain farts!” I can personally admit that I sometimes do have this problem! It’s probably the most common speech problem people have. This is also probably the most difficult of all the speech problems to remedy, but it is possible. It is simple to suggest that to help, you should just think before you talk. However, there is an exercise that you can do to help you combat this, although it is very difficult. It also may seem to be counter-intuitive to do this exercise as well, but I assure you they work. You may need a tape recorder for this exercise. You will need to record a 10 minute conversation with your friend. Play it back
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with a pen and paper handy. You are going to write down all the brain farts you get in that 10 minute conversation. When you are finished, say all of these so-called “brain farts” out loud and try to memorize them. By doing this, you will much more conscious of using them the next time you have a conversation.
The fourth speech problem is the lack of voice modulation. Obviously speaking in a monotone voice is not an attractive way to communicate. If you listen to good speakers such as comedians, talk-show hosts, and the odd politician, you will notice that they constantly vary the sound of their voices to keep things interesting. A great way to practice this is to simply turn on the television and mimic your favourite talk-show host. Another great way to improve your voice modulation is to practice telling children’s stories. This may seem ridiculous at first, but reading children’s stories to children is a great way to discover what voice modulations work for you – be creative with your voice intonation and your volume. Try and imitate the characters in the stories.
The last common speech mistake ties in with the fourth problem – making definitive statements. I want you to read this sentence out loud as if you were genuinely saying it. “Let’s go get some ice cream?” Notice at the end of the statement, you tone changes to indicate that the statement was a question. Now read this sentence out loud as if you were actually saying it.
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“Let’s go get some ice cream.” Notice that the change in tone at the end of the statement is unlike the question. This is a definitive statement. Especially as a man, you need to be making definitive statements all the time. By doing so, you will seem more like a leader and not a wuss. The best exercise to improve definitive statement-making is to simply convince your friend to do small things while taking note of your tonality. Convince him or her to trying something new at a restaurant. Instead of saying something like…
“Why don’t you try the cordon bleu?” Say something like… “Try the cordon bleu this time. It’s amazing.” Learn to put the figurative “down-stroke” on your statements. Sounds like you know what you’re doing and you mean it! These are some of the most common speech errors people make. However, it is needless to say that there are many more. Just simply ask a friend how you sound like when you’re speaking. Have them suggest something that could be better. There’s usually always something that can be improved – we all don’t have perfect voices but we can perfect what we do have!
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Your Main Goal of Phone Game I can tell you right now what your main goal is in your first phone conversation; you are going to not be a creep! Sound easy enough? Given the nature of talking to someone from an online dating website, there will be a natural negative stigma of “creepiness.” Listen to yourself talking sometime – do you sound like a normal, confident, and funny guy? Or do you have a really nervous tone about yourself. Does your voice stutter through words? How fast are you talking? What do you usually talk about? I can most definitely guarantee that if you are not the greatest talker over the phone, you will have a very hard time succeeding with online dating. Many quality men and women will screen singles right up to this point indefinitely. So, basically, how can you come across as not a creep?
1.) Don’t give in to the aforementioned “stutter” due to nervous anxiety. Some people are simply born with a stutter, but I’m referring specifically to the stutter that is due to nervous anxiety. That is, your words do not flow consistently (or they may not even flow at all). This probably is deeply rooted within your innergame. The only way you can truly get rid of being nervous is simply through practice – however I can tell from all the many hundreds of phone calls to singles I have made in my life, I still get butterflies when I call beautiful women. Yes, you heard correct. And I’m not the only one of my kind that does it. Many of the world’s most famous pick up artists feel the exact same way before approaching/calling women. It’s completely natural to feel this way. So, how can
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you battle this foe?
There are so many psychological ploys people like to integrate to help them cope with nervousness. Many people like to take deep breathes and they like to imagine they are “not actually doing what they’re doing”, etc. However, I can tell you right now the best way to get rid of that nervous anxiety is to practice. I’m not saying you shouldn’t take deep breathes before making that phone conversation, but really the only way you are truly going to get more comfortable in this area is to talk to anyone on the phone. Call up a friend and try to strike up a conversation! Call up a family member to see what they’re up to! Talk to anyone you feel comfortable talking to. And just talk...don’t worry about anything else at this point. Notice how you’re talking. Notice how smooth you’re speaking and how natural it is. Notice the pace of the conversation. Notice how easy and natural it is to come up with things to say! You most definitely want to achieve this tonality.
Now this is another great tip to get over that nervous anxiety. This may sound uncomfortable but I can almost guarantee you success if you do this. Right before you dial the phone number, start saying a story routine out loud (there will be examples of phone story routines later in this chapter) and visualize yourself talking to your target. Continuously start speaking for a complete minute then dial the number. I guarantee you that you will feel much more comfortable when you enter the phone conversation.
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Quick Tip Here’s a great tip for starting phone conversations with someone. Choose a room in your place that you feel most comfortable in and always talk in there. Personally, I always use my bedroom. I just find it the most comfortable of areas in my condo – I’m no interior decorator, but I have tons of really neat pictures and a fireplace which helps me wind down! If you have a space that has the same effect on you, you should most definitely use that space. If you continue to use this room as your “phone room,” you will grow much more comfortable in this environment and you will feel accustomed to talking on the phone in that room.
If you observe people who talk on the phone, you will often see them constantly fidgeting or walking around in circles. Personally, I walk around in circles as well if I’m talking to anyone for the first bit. In fact, I feel much more comfortable doing this. Why is this? – being pre-occupied with something makes the conversation seem less important, and as a result, make you seem much less desperate. If you have one of these fidgety reactions, embrace it. It’s completely natural.
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2.) Don’t be too bland. This is one of the most primary characteristics of “creepiness.” Not using enough humor and playful jabbing in your first interaction can come across as downright weird. This can also be a product of nervous anxiety. Remember, each interaction that you have with your target should be positive and memorable – if you cannot create a situation where you aren’t poking fun or producing any humor, you are simply boring your target and he or she will be quick to dismiss you. Let’s quickly jump into some quick examples of memorable openers on the phone. In fact, in many cases, having a strong opener on the phone will immediately break any tension that was present.
Key Example Example #1 Girl: Hello?
Guy: Wow, you sound hilarious. That’s funny. So what’s up?
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Girl: What?! How do I sound funny?
Guy: Haha, don’t worry about it. It’s sort of cute. So answer my question – what’s up?
Example #2 Girl: Hello?
Guy: You totally don’t sound like how you look in your photos. That’s crazy. So how’s it going?
Girl: Is that how you talk to girls for the first time?
Guy: Totally. Haha, so how’s it going?
Example #3 Girl: Hello?
Guy: Hey is Loser there?
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Girl: Haha, yeah it’s me. You’re so mean to me.
Guy: You love it.
By opening with something witty and funny, you can effectively break any tension and immediately start building comfort right from the get go. If your target feels comfortable with you, he or she will inevitably be inclined to create a first meeting with you. This is the goal of the phone conversation.
3.) Make fun of your target. A lot. As you can see in the previous Key Examples, each routine involves playfully making fun of your target. This is key and probably the best bet to create attraction over the phone. You are immediately posing as a comfortable, funny, and interesting person. It’s important to keep in mind that you phone call immediately precedes the first date. If you end the phone conversation on an awkward note, the feeling with be synonymous in the first date. Make sure this doesn’t happen! Again, be careful that your jokes are you not too offensive. Playful is the name of the game. The great thing about making fun of your target over the phone is that you can add tonal expression. This means you are allowed to push the playfulness a bit further!
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So What Is There To Talk About? The pace of conversation should always be flowing. This takes much practice, but you should be going into the conversation with a mental list of things to talk about. However, people are horrible at this in the way that they either are not prepared or they are simply talking about the wrong things. Let’s first take a look at things you seriously do not want to talk about…
1.) School/Work. People generally hate talking about work. Never bring this up unless your target asks you and even if they do, make the conversation brief. Work is generally a boring topic and a strong negative stigma is attached when people talk about it.
2.) Online dating. I have found that in most cases my targets have been weary when it comes to talking about online dating. Again, there is a negative stigma attached to online dating and things get awkward if your person is sensitive about the topic. In my opinion, once you have successfully reached the phone stage, you should completely forget about talking about this aspect unless of course they bring it up.
3.) How “awesome” they are. Keep the compliments to a bare minimum. If you feel so inclined to, follow up a compliment with another playful tease. An excessive amount of compliments will sometimes lead the target to get uncomfortable or,
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even worse, lose attraction for you.
4.) Anything that puts you in a negative light. Remember back to the first chapter. You’re still trying to sell yourself! Keep it positive. Be cocky, confident, and funny.
You can get away a whole deal with just focusing upon hobbies. Look at your targets profile and see what their interests are and talk about them! Talk about your interests. Recall the chapter on talking about your passions – this can be very attractive.
Talk about the places you’ve been to. Talk about places you want to go. Women are generally into fashion and pop culture. Talk about music, movies, TV shows, etc. You can talk about sports if you’re into it. Talk about funny things you and your friends did recently or some funny drama that’s going within your social circle. These are all fun and interesting topics that you can talk about – usually everyone has an interest in one of these fields. Always keep it positive!
What you talk about is also just as important as how you say it. The way you say things is important. Are you clear and do you enunciate your words? Are you talking too fast or too slow? Does your tonality change to keep things interesting while you’re talking? When I deal with men who are having troubles picking up women, I can immediately target their speech as a significant problem. You don’t necessarily have to be a professional public speaker, but you need to be good enough so that you appear like a
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cool and collect person.
Another important aspect of talking on the phone is your transitions between topics. Usually topic change in a person to person conversation in real life comes very naturally. On the phone it can be quite different. Transitions in real life are accompanied by facial expression and body language which makes things quite natural. On the phone, however, it is purely verbal. You have to plan your transitions early and express it through words. You want to avoid long pauses in between topic changes. This can make things awkward.
The Transition Good conversationalists will do transitions so naturally without even thinking. To a very small degree, it is also highly dependent on the chemistry between the two people. Good pick up artists in general will say that this is irrelevant, but in the real world, it does have a slight impact. Performing a transition from a topic to another routine does take practice to make it seem seamless and natural. Many pick up artists will advocate the use of pre-canned pick up lines and “threads” – while this is beneficial, it is much more important to work on the psychological frame first. Pre-canned threads and lines are useful for beginners as they can practice them as much as possible without fail. However, at the end of the day, you should aim to raise your confidence level in general in the phone game. This can only be achieved through practice.
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Your “Call to Action” and Ending the Phone Call The Call to Action is the purpose of the phone call. Everything else leads up to your Call to Action – or simply, the setting up of the first meet! There is a very specific way to do this. A lot of people make the mistake of asking the question in a weak and insecure fashion.
What not to do… “Hey, so…maybe you would like to go out for coffee sometime?” “If you aren’t busy, I think we should go out for some tea sometime?” “I’ll make some time for you if you want to go out and grab some coffee! I know you’re busy.”
What’s the translation? “I’m weak. I’m so insecure. You’re probably going to say ‘no’ to me like all the other girls that I have asked. It’s game over already. You can walk all over me.” Don’t have this approach! When you are performing a call to action, you should sound like you have a goal in mind. Also, from now on you will never ever call the first get-together a “date.” There’s too much connation that you want to avoid by using that word. Dating infers that there is potential to eventually “go out” eventually. Eliminate the sexual threat and call it a get together!
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Key Example Example #1 “What’s your schedule like? Let’s go out for coffee on Saturday! I can’t Friday – I have a ton of plans.”
Example #2 “I’m not going to be available tomorrow, but I will be on Wednesday afternoon. Let’s grab some tea?”
Example #3 “I’m really busy this weekend. Let’s grab some tea Monday after work.”
Alright, let’s analyze the call to action here. When you are about to set up a first meet, there is generally two parts to it. First you must declare your unavailability to your target. This shows that you aren’t a clingy freak and that you have a life. Remember, by
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announcing your unavailability, you are declaring that you have “better things to do” which raises your survival and replication value. Always do this and never forget. The second part of the call to action is being decisive. Notice the latter part of the examples. There are no “maybes” or any “ums” – it’s simply declaring what’s going to happen as opposed to leaving it up to your target to decide. You decide for them. By doing so, you raise your social standing versus your target and thus, you will be more attractive.
Quick Tip Performing the call to action is much more important than setting up just meetings from the phone. You should integrate the decisiveness elsewhere when interacting with members of the opposite sex. This is what is generally very undesirable – when people can’t make decisions or they always leave things up in the air. Start making decisions! Always plan ahead. Don’t go out on an excursion with a target if you don’t know what you’re doing – know what you’re going to do and decide on it and present it in a clear and decisive manner.
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For example, if your target asks you what kind of food you want to go eat, never say “I don’t know” or “whatever you want.” This is a sign of weakness. Always have an opinion. By doing this you not only show that you have a will of your own, but it subtly shows off intelligence and leadership. People who are successful know what they want – show off this trait by performing the call to action
Text Messaging – The Most Underrated Part of Your Game! “I need a booty call right now.” “Let’s go grab some food then you can do whatever you want to me after.” “I can’t wait to see you tonight, baby. ;)” These are some of the many text messages that I have on my phone right now. I’m not kidding. And yes – they are from girls, don’t get any ideas! If you don’t text message or one of those people who just don’t like text messaging, period, allow me to change your mind. Text messaging is one of the easiest ways to build attraction, period. First of all, given the technology of text messaging at the moment, text messages must be generally quite short. Therefore in each and every message you send you have to get right to the point! Text messaging conversations may seem tedious and pointless to some of your conservatives out there, but it is fun and I find many girls love it. So how can you
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build attraction in this department? Quite easily.
First of all, everyone who likes text messaging loves to receive text messages. It’s one of those forms of communication where it’s actually quite easy to start a conversation. Second of all, performing a call to action on text message is really easy. Here are some quick tips for helping your text messaging game! 1.) Make sure each and every text message has enough quality “content.” Every text message you send must provoke a response and must be “content-rich” – I’m saying that you should constantly be maintaining your funny and cocky frame throughout each and every text message while provoking a response from your target.
2.) Text messaging is indeed difficult, however like I always say, never forget your punctuation and grammar! If you text enough, you will get used to you it. I personally can text message extremely fast since I do it so much. Tools like T9 and phone pads like the ones on Blackberries can help you out a lot. However, nothing beats practice. People are generally quite forgiving when text messaging, but it doesn’t hurt to invest the extra two seconds to capitalize those letters and dot your periods.
3.) Keep the pace of the conversation in mind! Texting is indeed quite a task. It’s not as simple as just sending a quick message on AIM or MSN as you can use a fullsized keyboard for that. Plus, text message conversations with short-intervals can
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be very annoying if you’re doing something important. This is another beauty about text messaging – if you don’t reply for an extended period of time, people understand. Your target has no idea what you could be doing at that time. So take some breaks. Send a text message and don’t reply for even up to half an hour or more. Remember, you’re an extremely high valued individual that doesn’t have time for small, petty little things!
4.) Take your time. This is another great thing about text messaging! You have the luxury of time behind you. That means you can take as much time as you want to come back with something quality – witty and confident!
5.) The Call to Action is easily set up from here. You can easily set up a phone call from this position. Just end with something like, “Okay, I’m done with this chick. I’ll call you in 5 minutes.” and follow up on it.
6.) It’s actually very effective to text message your target when you know they’re at work or in class. Text messaging while in one of these so-called “boring” locations is extremely effective. Not only are you guaranteed a response most of the time, but you can easily light up their mood. It’s a win-win situation.
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Phone Game Conclusion The Phone Game is the make or break area of your online pickup. All your online pickup interactions should generally follow up with the phone game – if it doesn’t, your first meet will be much more awkward. The Phone Game effectively breaks tension – destroys any notion of the aforementioned “creepiness” and can create a lot of attraction. It is almost needless to say that at least for the majority of the people I have taught, the tips I give on making first contact and instant messaging generally lead up to this point – if you can reach the Phone Game and execute it properly, there is a very high chance of success for the first date. Remember my Phone Game exercise at the start of my chapter! Perform this on a weekly basis if you need to. You will get better and become more comfortable with talking to “strangers” on the phone – you will eventually translate this confidence onto your Phone Game.
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C hapter Nineteen | Non-Dating Social Websites (Facebook!) Here is the biggest difference that you will encounter when trying to pick up men and women on non-dating sites; some of them are really not looking for a hook up where in dating sites, people are there specifically looking for a potential mate. This will, in-turn, affect your approach strategy. Right now, I almost only deal with picking up women on these types of websites. Why? First of all, there are many, many, many more options on these websites. These websites also gives you much better chances of meeting other people via networking. Although picking up women on these websites is a fair bit harder than on dedicated dating websites, there are a few distinct advantages.
1.) There are a lot more attractive people on these websites.
2.) There is no perceived threat of being picked up. On dating websites, one of the most difficult challenges to overcome is to eliminate the threat of being a sexual threat. On social networking sites, this threat is significantly less. Attractive women online will most definitely get hit on all the time by guys, and the same goes for attractive men. However, the main purpose of these sites is to make friends. Therefore, the default reaction to a message received on a social
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networking website like Facebook, Nexopia, Hi5, etc., is to read it. The work involved to generate a simple response is much less. This is a significant advantage of this.
3.) There is the option to add new applications to your profile on some social networking websites. Websites like Facebook, which are an open source, have the option to add specific applications to your profile that are geared towards online dating. This segment of Facebook is constantly changing; therefore, it is impossible to outline which ones are the “best.” I would generally recommend searching for the most popular ones, of course. You can also hide these applications from your profile!
4.) Social networking websites aren’t just about picking up potential mates; it also is one of the best ways to make friends! With the approach I will outline for picking up mates on these websites, it will also leave an open ended option at the end for friendship. Remember, the more friends you have, the more options you will inevitably encounter in the future.
So you are now well-versed on how to pick up girls and guys on online dating websites. Let’s look at what you have to do differently to achieve success in this segment!
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Your Social Networking Profile There is, needless to say, much more work you must do to achieve an attractive profile page. Refer back on how to make an attractive online dating profile. All these rules apply to your social networking website. However, there are so many more factors that are critical to your success. Each one of these social networking websites has a public comments section. For example, in Facebook there is the Facebook Wall. Many people will judge your social prowess on how many wall posts you have on your wall. Needless to say, the more “wall posts” you can get, the better it is for your perceived social value. And in turn, it will be much easier when you approach your target online. Picture yourself as an attractive woman getting messages from a man who has no friends, no attractive looking pictures, etc. It is creepy. By qualifying your profile to the acceptable standards, you can immediately pose as a non-threat. The aforementioned picture section is also a key to your success. People who have a lot of pictures (say for example again in Facebook, people with many “tagged” pictures) are considered to be much more socially adept as well. It portrays that you go out, that you have friends that know how to have a good time, that you are adventurous, etc., depending on the quality of these photographs. The amount of comments that you have in your “profile pictures” section is also another indicator. Let’s review some ways to help optimize your social networking profile.
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1.) Keep your profile active. If you do not comment on anyone else’s “wall,” you will not receive any comments in return. By keeping your profile active, you will increase the traffic to your profile. Drop a line to all your close friends! You will get comments in return. The more you comment on your friend’s profile pictures, tendency will have it that they will reciprocate. Social networking websites are now a significant factor for your personal social status.
Many people in Facebook also like to reduce their news feeds to a bare minimum. It can be argued that it is not attractive to see someone writing on everyone’s wall. You can delete all these messages from your mini-feed if you so wish.
2.) Upload as many quality pictures as you can. Again, refer to my section on how to take a good picture of yourself. Make sure your body language is in check, and that you’re smiling, etc. Facebook has one of the most advanced photograph networking capabilities. Use this to your advantage! Tag photographs of yourself. They will appear in your profile! This will drive much more traffic to your profile.
3.) Use the comments section on your friend’s photos. One of the best ways to increase traffic to your profile is to integrate humor into all of your posts – especially on photographs!
4.) Add all of your friends! Needless to say, the bigger number of friends you have, the more attractive you will be. This will also increase the chances of you meeting
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other people online through networking!
5.) Always try and find new friends using the tools given in your social networking site. I am always look for new people to talk to on these social networking websites – on Facebook, for example, there is a tool to help you find more friends. Under the “Friends” section at the top of your bar, there will be an option to “Discover people you may now.” Constantly keep this section in check. I regularly find new friends here.
6.) Keep your profile pictures fresh. This step should not be overlooked. Always keep your profile pictures new. Don’t overdo this step, but you should regularly change your profile picture once every few days. Websites that keep their content dynamic and up-to-date obviously get more traffic – the exact same rule applies here.
7.) Make your profile user-friendly. Don’t add unnecessary fluff into your profiles. The more applications you add, the more unneeded graphics there are, etc., the slower your profile will be to navigate. Keep everything to a bare minimum.
8.) Restrain from changing your “status” too often. One of the greatest pet peeves many people have when it comes to social networking websites.
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Fan Question Dear Derek,
There seems to be a plethora of these social network sites lately.
I am confused as to which one I should join.
I was
just wondering what you think is the best social social-networking networking site?
Vaho C. Denver, CO
____________________________
Dear Vaho,
This is somewhat difficult to assess. In terms of popularity, I believe Facebook is the largest. Personally, I prefer using Facebook. In my region, it is the most popular social networking website.. You really n need eed to ask your friends and see what they use. The more friends you have on your profile, needless to say, the better off you are and the more fun
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you’ll have.
Another reason I like Facebook is that given that it is open source. That means there will inevitably be a ton of great content available to be made for it. And yes, I am referring to the online dating applications. Remember, like I said, you can always hide those Facebook applications if you don’t want people knowing about them!
Nexopia and Bebo are great as well, but I find, generally, the crowd is a bit young. Definitely not a great place for picking up targets unless you want some time in jail.
Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game
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C hapter Twenty| How to Deal with Messages on Non-Dating Social Websites We have extensively covered the pick-up routine on dating websites. However, like I said earlier, picking up targets on websites like Facebook is a lot different if you’re going for a clean approach. That is, you are not using online-dating web applications that you can add on to Facebook. For the clean approach, you must acknowledge that people are signed up on that website primarily not to date. Therefore, your approach must be drastically different.
Adding Friends – Real Ones! Let’s start off with some basic rules – if you add a “friend” of the opposite sex that you are interested in, you must almost immediately establish hard contact. That is, like I outlined in my instant messaging chapter, you should immediately break the tension and break the ice. It is similar to the well-known “3-Second Rule” for picking up girls at bars. The longer you wait, the more anxiety you build up (the more anxiety your target builds up), and the more awkward and “creepy” feeling your first encounter will be.
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By establishing contact right away, not only do you convey a great deal of confidence, but it will look like there is a definite motive you are trying to fulfill. Even better, start an opening message before you add your target as a friend.
So What Should You Say? This is where the pickup rules change on social networking websites. Playfully making fun of your target will still get you far. You still need to keep your first message short and sweet. Humor is still vital in this area as well. You still need to setup a nice hoop for them to jump through. Spelling and grammar is still vital. Basically, refer to the chapter on establishing first contact on dating websites. There are a few things to keep in mind, however. 1.) Try and recall how you met this person, or the last time you saw them (if you can). You should try and refer or allude to a past event that you spent with this person. Briefly. This legitimates your contact with this person. Attractive girls on these websites receive several messages on these websites a day. Starting off with a real life anecdote will legitimate your message. It matters to a great degree how you present it.
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Key Example Example #1 “I could be wrong, but I think I might have seen you at Megan’s Birthday Party the other night. You were the one that was completely psycho and wasted! Scary sight. I hope you aren’t like that all the time...”
Follow up with your routine...
Example #2 “Aren’t you that girl in my class that asks all the funny questions?”
Follow up with your routine...
Example #3 “Hey, you’re that girl that was wearing that weeeeeeird shirt the other night. All my friends were like, ‘Wtf?! What the hell was she wearing?’ But it was nice
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meeting you that night...”
Follow up with your routine...
Example #4 (Recommended. Same as online dating section)
Hey, you look like someone who could answer this question! So this girl kisses my friend, and he has a girlfriend...is that cheating?
Example #5 (Recommended) Hey, you definitely look like someone who can answer this... so my friend’s got this box of pictures of her and her ex...but her new boyfriend totally wants her to get rid of it. Do you think she should?
2.) The above are clearly just examples, but you get the drift. Maintain this cocky but funny attitude throughout your message and keep that final goal in mind – to take it off the website! Remember, staying too long in the rapport building phase online is highly detrimental and will limit your chances of meeting the person face
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to face.
3.) All first messages must have a PURPOSE! Remember that you need to have a reason to message a girl. If you don’t have a good reason, you’ll be just another creep. Saying “hi” just doesn’t cut it online.
4.) Remember, at this point you aren’t even interested in him or her. Or at least portray that! Again, just as I have outlined earlier, the first message does not allude to any “sexual threat” of any kind. There must be, however, the call to action. Eg. “Message me back!”
The point is... you need to have a reason why you’re messaging your targets. On an online dating website, the objective is clear – you’re trying to build rapport and potentially set up a date. On social-networking websites, the objective isn’t so clear. There are several “reasons” you could message a target... If they are in one of your classes, you could ask a question about something going on in it. If you’ve seen them at a club somewhere, you can ask them if they found a cell phone that you lost that night. There are obviously an infinite number of reasons you can come up with, but you need to make at least one. Women on these websites need to feel like they’re not being hit on.
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People Who Aren’t Single Here’s another problem that is encountered on these websites - not all of these users are single! At least on internet dating websites, you generally can safely assume that the person you’re contacting is single (however, as I have experienced this is not always the case). Most people will see the relationship status as “taken”...or we’ve all seen the infamous “Bobby Scott and Charlene Townsen are now in a relationship.” The general reaction to profiles with a “taken” relationship status would be to bail – give up. Should you? No. Not by a long shot. There is absolutely nothing stopping you from opening a routine with a target that is not single. Do they know you are trying to pick them up? How do you know he/she is happy with their relationship? Maybe their relationship has become boring. Maybe, now with the information that you’ve been exposed to, you could effectively attract them better than their own boyfriend or girlfriend ever will! It’s certainly possible. And it’s certainly much more fun. You will actually be shocked by how often men and women will be willing to cheat on their boyfriend or girlfriend if you know how to effectively make contact with them. 1.) Remember, it is extremely important in the first message that you do not convey that you are interested! Here is what non-singles fear. They don’t want to feel like that they’re doing something wrong...at least not yet. You must build attraction first, enter a zone of comfort, and then seduce. Don’t get this order
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mixed up.
2.) The art of attracting someone who is in a relationship is not all that different. If you pose as a highly sexual receptive individual, the person you are targeting will have no choice but to feel attracted to you. In many ways, it is almost easier to attract someone who is in a relationship. If a person is single, and they are an attractive individual, they will have many options to choose from. However, if a person is in a committed relationship, they will only have one person to compare you to.
3.) The process in seducing a person with a girlfriend or boyfriend simply takes longer...usually. Again, the largest problem that is posed in picking up women and men with boyfriends or girlfriends is the guilt factor. Therefore, you must build a sufficient amount of attraction first before moving into the seduction phase. If you try and seduce too early, it will simply be over. This is where the old method of “IOI’s” comes in handy. More on this later.
As said previously, do not pose as a sexual threat. Pose as your usual confident self. You will have to exchange a lot more messages than normal – usually to build enough comfort, you need to exchange about 5-6 long messages before building a good amount of comfort. There are a number of ways to do this. First is to help them out with
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a relationship problem – but be careful, don’t act as their advisor and do this too much – you will be looked up as a friend-type figure and not relationship/sex material. But you are in essence trying to build up a very minor friendship. Remember the meaning of friendship? Mutual benefit. So benefit them a little while showing that you are confident and have a lot to offer!
Whatever You Do, Don’t Jump The Gun This is a very common error many people make – they ask for a first meeting much too early. Asking too early will blow your chances of getting a first meet in most cases – you need to know exactly when to ask! If you’ve ever heard of the term “Indicators of Interest,” then you will know exactly what I mean when I say they need to display a massive amount of online “indicator of interests” before asking them for a first meet. Here is a list of some of these indicators. 1.) They laugh and follow up with a comment. When they say “lol” or “haha” and follow up with another set of comments, you generally are in a good territory.
2.) They begin to increase their pace of conversation.
3.) They start asking you questions. I’m not talking about the usual, “I’m good, you?” question. I’m talking about completely independent questions such as “so, what
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are your plans for the night?”
4.) They generally begin to talk much more and invest more time in their messages.
5.) They compliment you!
6.) They start making fun of you in a very playful manner.
7.) They begin using humour. The general rule of thumb is if they show you five of these indicators in a single IM session, you can anticipate your call to action very soon. Remember, at this point you guys are still “buddies” – all you’re trying to do is establish a meet to begin the real, hard attraction. However, your Call to Action from these social networking sites isn’t the same as ones from online dating. Really, asking for a one on one meet right away from a target on a social networking site is pushing it. You should most definitely initiate the Phone Game first and go from there.
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C hapter Twenty One| The First Date Let me tell you right now – the first five minutes of the date will dictate how the next hour will be. The first impression is not to be underestimated at all. I am not going to go through grooming, how you should do your hair, etc. This should all be well within your knowledge by now.
The First-Date Location Never call it a “date,” though. There’s too much connotation behind this term! It is essential that you pick a “comfortable” comfort-building location. No, I don’t necessarily mean comfy, soft couches – I mean somewhere extremely public. The first meet has the most anxiety involved and by choosing a public locale, you are conveying that you aren’t a “creep.” The presence of strangers gives the ego a bit of security! So what are some examples of good-memorable first dates?
1.) The classic coffee shop. Too boring you say? BS. This is a nice, public location where real attraction can be built. Pick a coffee shop that’s unique and close-by. Don’t make it a giant trip.
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2.) Small restaurant. Nothing too fancy, just a small simple restaurant for lunch – not dinner!
3.) The mall or any shopping center. Play the role that you’re looking for something and that you could use some help. Remember this is important so you reduce the sexual “threat.”
The possibilities are really endless here. Of course you need to avoid the infamous movie theatre date. Anything like this is horrible. In that time you are watching the movie, you could be building attraction. Instead, you are building a passive relationship built up on nothing. Yes, many may argue that your comfort level with the other person will increase due to the close proximity for a long period of time. However, this is probably more suitable for a third or fourth meeting – definitely not the first.
The First Impression This is where the make or break occurs. Now, it is needless to say that appearance obviously plays a large role here. Men – refer to my style guide out there. It is obvious that dressing up for the occasion is essential here – do not overdress.
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Here’s a quick review of the Body Language check list. How’s my hair? (Okay, this isn’t really body language, but it doesn’t hurt to check.)
Are my eyes droopy or are they bold?
Am I smiling?
Are my shoulders square?
Is my chest sticking out (make sure this looks naturally - this should work in conjunction with your straight back.
Is my back upright and straight?
Are your hips square?
Are your feet planted on the ground firmly, slightly pointed outwards? How’s the overall look? Does it look natural?
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Here’s a great way keep your body language in check. Every now and then, picture that you are being videotaped. Picture what it would look like on the camera. I can’t stress body language enough! Body language may not seem like a big deal – however, it subcommunicates a significant amount of value!
Immediately Break the Tension The anxiety just right before the first meet is usually at its highest. It can be extremely nerve-racking and highly uncomfortable if the tension isn’t broken almost immediately. The thing is the tension can be broken extremely easily except some people just really have no idea how.
1.) Just smile. Always smile – you could not be doing anything else and smile and it would immediately ease the tension.
2.) Open with a ‘neg’. Starting off with a very playful jab is an amazing tension breaker. The mechanics work the exactly the same as in the Phone Game.
For example...
“Wow! You’re a lot shorter than in your picture!”
This particular one is very versatile. Take care that this isn’t too offensive
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otherwise you will be off on a horrible footing. The comment on height is the one I use most often if it is applicable. Here are some other great examples of tensionbreakers.
Key Example Example #1 “Haha – what is that? Is that a scarf?”
Example #2 “Is that a puke-brown shirt you’re wearing? What is that? Haha!”
Example #3 “Oh, I love how Rolex makes plastic watches these days.”
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Example #4 “Wow, what perfume is that? It’s so strong.”
The possibilities here are endless. But comments such as these really break the tension – as long as it is said in a very playful manner. Smile and laugh while you’re saying it.
The Art of Story-Telling How do you tell an amazing story? What kind of body language is used when telling an amazing story? What kind of language are you using when you’re telling and interesting story? There are so many nuances involved when telling a good story. Telling a good story in-person (I do not mean online) takes a tremendous amount of skill, but this skill alone can be responsible for how people treat you, and ultimately, if you get laid or not. What elements are involved when telling a good story? Stories must have a point or main objective. It could take form of a moral, launch the discussion of another issue, or even a punch-line. Stories that have no point just simply fall flat, leaving people wondering what to do next. The delivery of your objective must be clear upon delivery. If you’ve ever had a conversation with someone that knows how to tell any amazing story, you will always realize at the end that there is some final
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entertaining aspect to it. It will make you laugh, make you think, or provoke a strong response. If you tell a story that does not do this, it will look horrible on you, especially in a group setting. Plan the story out! Make sure there is an objective and work towards it. The vocabulary used to tell a good story should not only be clear, but very precise. Some people simply have a natural talent for this, and obviously if you’re trying to have a conversation with someone in a language that isn’t your first, needless to say it can pose quite a difficult task. However, people generally make this out to be a lot more complicated that it is. There is a distinct difference between the following two statements...
“I had a good drive to Ashley’s house.”
“I had such a crazy-ass drive to Ashley’s house this morning.”
The latter is definitely the more desirable statement. It is more descriptive. It has a humorous flare. It is just downright much more interesting than the first statement. The use of adjectives gives the story a much more “visual” characteristic. However, at the same time, being too descriptive can just result in something dry and boring. Your language must be precise, clear, and free of any extraneous “fluff” while being descriptive enough to hold the image and entertain. The second element involved in telling a good story is the enthusiasm level. When I mean enthusiasm, I am referring to the tonality of the voice and its volume. Obviously,
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using enthusiasm is important when trying to pain a vivid image of a story. However, you must be using the right amount of enthusiasm at the right times. Using a high amount of enthusiasm throughout a single story will ruin the effect of using enthusiasm at all. Generally speaking, your enthusiasm should generally peak at the end of an interesting story while you are ending with the “punch line” or the aforementioned objective of your story. You’re sick of hearing me saying it, but body language must work in conjunction with your story to keep your audience involved. Always smile when you’re telling a story that is entertaining. If you are talking to a group of people, you should constantly be making eye-contact with all the members of your audience. Never leave anyone out! You should also never be leaning towards your audience. Just sit back and looked relax – especially if you’re on a date. One of the biggest problems men do when they’re talking to women is that they lean forward towards them while talking. This should never happen in the beginning stages of conversation. It poses too much of a threat. If you’re sitting down, keep your shoulders back with your legs either crossed or slightly widened apart, relaxed. Simply put, just looked relax and unfazed.
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Comfort-Building or “Kino-Escalation” This is another well known technique to increase comfort. Remember, in this situation you are still in the comfort-building phase. Kino-escalation refers to the periodic physical contact throughout an interaction. It should generally “escalate” as the comfort and rapport is being built. There is a very specific way to undergo this type of periodic physical contact. I split it into three general phases. The first type of kino-escalation is contact with physical objects. This is one of my personal favourite things to do when trying to build comfort rapidly. Direct contact with the hand too early can be deemed as “too aggressive” by some standards. But starting the kino-escalation with indirect physical contact while building rapport is an effective way to not only destroy tension but build a rapid amount of physical comfort. Let’s jump right to some examples to get a better understanding of this.
Key Example Example #1 Girl: I am totally the best at bowling. You wouldn’t have a chance!
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Guy: Oh, sure you are! I would totally kick your ass any day, missy! (As this is said, you lightly hit her arm with a napkin as she’s laughing)
Do you see where this is headed? Just a light little tap with any object you have will suffice. Make sure you do it while she is laughing. This is important.
Example #2
(Contact is made accidentally by your target on you. Again, let’s pretend the girl is still the target in this scenario.)
Guy: Whoa, no-touching, missy. Touching costs money, you dork! That will be 5 dollars, please.
In this scenario, you are posing as “the prize.” Remember the Prize Theory in chapter 3? This is mentality you’re trying to portray. Remember, that the delivery of these lines is extremely important. If you said that above statement in a serious demeanor, it would be passed off as genuinely arrogant which can be a sign of insecurity. Be playful!
Example #3 (You see a ridiculous looking man walk by. While this is happening, you nudge your target
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with your elbow and start laughing.)
Guy: Hey! Look at this one. He’s dead sexy, hey?
The mechanics behind this one is simple. You are making contact with the elbow which is non-sexual body part.
The key to the early stages of kino-escalation is to make contact with your target while they are reaching positive peaks in their emotions. The reason behind this is psychological conditioning. By touching them while they are enjoying themselves, or reaching positive stimulation, by association, they will relate it to your physical touching. This builds a tremendous amount of comfort by itself.
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Fan Question Dear Derek,
I’ve found your section on the first date the most useful! However, I did have a question relating to kino kino-escalation. escalation. How often should I engage in kino?
Sometimes I feel
extremely uncomfortable when engaging in kino.
Shane Y. Fresno, CA ____________________________
Dear Shane,
Thanks for the great question, Shane! Kino Kino-escalation escalation is probably one of the hardest steps when it comes to the comfort comfort-building and seduction. And while it takes awhile to master the art of kino, it is essential. Be patient – you will need to review the list of IOIs I have outlined later in the chapter extensively. That being said, if you are initiating stage one kino-escalation, n, the target should not feel uneasy by any means. Stage one kino is
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characterized by non-threatening physical contact. That is, contact with other objects (such as the napkin in example one) or non-sexual body parts (such as the elbow in the example three). The way kino is performed is extremely important too. In stage one kino, contact should not be stressed at all. In fact, eye-contact while performing kino in stage one should be rare at best. The goal here is to be non-threatening.
If you are performing stage one kino correctly, you should have the ability to do it quite frequently. That is, approximately once every three minutes, as a rule of thumb. You should be receiving IOIs at this point if you are doing it correctly.
However, if you are uncomfortable while doing kino because you are receiving a bad vibe from your target, simply just slightly tone it down and raise the playfully jabbing. Sooner or later, if you are doing things correctly, kino-escalation will soon be accepted and you can easily build from then on.
Remember that the earlier stages of kino are all about raising the comfort level. There is no sexual connotation behind this touching. A lot of people, especially males, put way too much stress and care into this stage of kino when in fact, they shouldn’t. Indeed, stage one kino is vital – however, it should not look as if it is vital.
Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game
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The second stage of kino-escalation can be characterized be an increased amount of physical touching. Stage one kino should be used as much as possible. However, the second stage of kino can only be initiated when you have received enough positive feedback from your target. I don’t mean feedback as in verbal compliments, but signs of interest in you, or better-known by the seduction community as IOI’s or “Indicators of Interest.” Here is a list of the most well-known IOI’s.
Laughter
Your target re-initiates conversation after a period of silence
Your target compliments you
Your target initiates kino with you
Your target appears jealous when you mention something about a person of the opposite sex than you
She makes eye contact with you then smiles (if your target is female)
Your target leans towards you while talking to you
Your target faces you directly when talking to you
She starts playing with her hair (if your target is a girl)
The target has a tendency to want to stay close to you (that is, if you walk away, they follow)
If you receive at least 7 of these IOIs in one sitting, you are generally good to go to initiate the heavier stage of kino. Now that a general foundation of comfort has been
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built (if all is going well), it is essential to increase the kino intensity to continue building attraction. Let’s jump right into some examples of stage two kino-escalation.
Key Example Example #1 (If you are walking down the sidewalk with your target, deliberately walk in the ‘inside’ first – the side farthest from the road. Walk for a few seconds. Then switch sides with her – going from behind, around to the other side so you are now positioned closer to the road. While you do this, lightly grab her upper arm lightly while your position yourself.)
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Example #2 Guy: Okay, so I totally want you to stand here. You can block the sun for me.
(While you say this, grab her arm and slowly move her into place. Don’t do this too harshly, just do it gently. While doing this, look at her and smile briefly.)
Example #3 Girl: So anyways, I am going to...
(Your phone starts to ring.)
Guy: One second, this is a really important call; I think my friend needs help!
(As you say this, just lightly grab her forearm to grab her attention to stop talking.)
Let’s analyze the differences here. As you can see, the physical touching has increased a bit in sexual intensity. The kino has stepped it up in terms of intimacy. This is where the attraction phase really builds up. Keep a close eye on your IOIs! If you are not receiving enough of these, it is not okay to continue.
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First Date Closing Remarks Hopefully by this point your date has been filled with good times; you’re maintaining your confident frame, you’re keeping your body language in check, you’re telling detailed and amazing stories, you’re slowly increasing kino-escalation, and you’re having a great time!
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C hapter Twenty Two| The Final Notes Congratulations I’d like to take the time to congratulate you on finishing this course. If you apply yourself fully, you will succeed – no matter who you are. I’d also like to take this time to thank you for purchasing my product. It is in my best interest for you to succeed. This book isn’t about just online dating or just dating in general – I hope it has impacted the way you view life as well. Confidence does not only work wonders in the realm of attraction, but in every facet of everything you do. It is the focal point of success and I truly believe this.
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It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do." -Ralph Waldo Emerson Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash. -George S. Patton If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes. -St. Clement of Alexandra Seek the lofty by reading, hearing and seeing great work at some moment every day. -Thornton Wilder The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible. -Arthur C. Clarke We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit. -Aristotle
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Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need. -Voltaire Experience is the child of thought, and thought is the child of action. -Benjamin Disraeli You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind. -Author Unknown The best way out is always through. -Robert Frost Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking. -William B. Sprague Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome. -Samuel Johnson
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Fortune favors the brave. -Publius Terence He who hesitates is lost. -Proverb Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall. -Confucius Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. -Albert Einstein Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe We are still masters of our fate. We are still captains of our souls. -Winston Churchill
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Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. -Ralph Waldo Emerson For hope is but the dream of those that wake. -Matthew Prior Constant dripping hollows out a stone. -Lucretius Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose-a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye. -Mary Shelley
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This E-Book May Not Be Re-Distributed Or Sold In Any Way. This Book Is A Copyright of The Online Game: Internet Attraction System. Comments? Suggestions? Anything? E-mail me!
[email protected]
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