TOPIC Age discrimination occurs when a decision is made on the basis of a person’s age. In the workplace, these are most often decisions about being employed in the rst place, winning promotions and being unfairly dismissed. !hould age discrimination against older workers be illegal" (Hi, John. I doubted that I digressed the main point of the topic, because this topic focuses on “legal or illegal”. If I move far away from the subject, please give me some some ideas how to ma!e ma!e a structure of the essay" essay" #han!s so much" $ %ee comments below.2a
It is true that age discrimination has become a trend 2 to some extent in many companies all over the world. Especially when it comes to winning promotions promotions or being employed, younger workers workers are likely to be more 3 welcome than older workers. Although the related law confrms that everyone should be eually treated in the work!orce, most o! the companies still ignore it. "iscrimination against the senior workers is rights but defnitely illegal. It violates not only the the individual individual willingness rights but also the euality o! the society.
#lder people are !reuently assump assumped to be poor in physical and mental status. It is a common presumption presumption that, as people age, they are likely to be in$exible and conservative in their minds. %heir out&o!&dated ' opinions are always regarded as an excuse !or the company leaders to stop older workers !rom getting promoted, because the leaders consider that older people are unlikely to accept new ideas or keep pace with younger people when access to the ( high technology and skills.
)owever, the senior workers always play an important role in the workplace due to their many years o! working experiences experiences * so they workplace to be should en+oy the same right as younger people in the workplace to promoted or given higher payment as younger people in the workplace. workplace. -ost o! the older are con!ronted with various problems with regard to technical skills or interpersonal relationships, relationships, and these practices their background enables enables them to be capable to deal of dealing / with more complex situations that younger workers with little experience might have trouble tackling. 0or example, older teachers know much about what students need and how to deliver knowledge in an e1ective way.
Actually, it is !air to say that companies should employ people based on their capability and prior working experiences * rather than age. oung people are not always suitable !or all positions such as the team managers due to lack o! experiences * and a wide enough range o! related knowledge, although e#en though4 they are passionate and easily motivated in the workplace. Anyone who is competent to complete their work should be eually treated regardless o! age.
Comments$ . Initial word count 33* 5an you realistically write this much in only '4 minutes6 ou only need to write 2(4 words 7or more8. I wonder how long it took you to write this 9 I would be interested to know. 2. Is this really a new trend6 Actually, I think this has traditionally been the case, and the current trend 7making o! new laws8 is toward the opposite situation. 2a. I am not sure whether you have digressed here. ou have stated that there are already laws which prohibit age discrimination, and you have presented clear argument to support these laws, so to that extent, you are on topic. )owever, your opening sentence in the introduction paragraph is contradictory. 3. 5omparative ad+ective reuired here because you are using the word :than;, and making a direct comparison between younger workers and older ones. '. :out&dated; or :out&o!&date; are both correct expressions. ours is a mixture o! these. (. %his statement is unclear. I am not totally sure what you mean here -y suggestion !or greater clarity< := with regard to high technology and skills; > %his is probably the best. *. :experience; is used as an uncountable noun in this context, so no plural. . %his phrase is wrongly placed in this sentence. . %he word :practices; is not appropriate here. I suggest the word :background;, which should be used as an uncountable noun, there!ore the word :enable; becomes :enables;. /. %his clause is very wordy 9 a simpler way o! saying this is< :=enable them to deal with =;
4. %hese two +oining words have uite di1erent meanings. %he correct one !or the logic o! this sentence is :even though;.
%ask 2 ?evel %ask Achievement addresses all parts of the task presents a clear position throughout the response presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus •
•
?evel *
50/50. See comments 2 and 2a. es.
•
addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive presents relevant main ideas but some may be inade!uately developed/unclear
es.
•
es.
•
es.
*.(
•
5oherence and 5ohesion logically organises information and ideas" there is clear progression throughout uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use presents a clear central topic #ithin each paragraph
%ask Achievement
Assessm ent
5oherence and 5ohesion
•
es$
•
arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion #ithin and/or bet#een sentences may be faulty or mechanical may not al#ays use referencing clearly or appropriately uses paragraphing, but not al#ays logically
es.
•
es.
•
%xceeded.
•
es.
•
es.
•
?exical @esource uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allo# some flexibility and precision uses less common lexical items #ith some a#areness of style and collocation may produce occasional errors in #ord choice, spelling and/or #ord formation •
•
•
rammatical @ange and Accuracy •
uses a variety of complex
es - exceeded
?exical @esource es, though some inappropriate choices, 50/50
es & maybe more than 'occasional(
es
•
uses an ade!uate range of vocabulary for the task attempts to use less common vocabulary but #ith some inaccuracy makes some errors in spelling and/or #ord formation, but they do not impede communication
es
•
es
•
es
rammatical @ange and Accuracy •
uses a mix of simple and
es, %xceeded$
* 9 *.(
structures produces fre!uent error-free sentences has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a fe# errors
50/50
•
•
#verall Bcore<
complex sentence forms makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication
es.
•
)ore than 'a fe#( errors
*.( *.(
