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Copyright © Kelsey Diamond and obsessionphrases.com. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electrical or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system without permission in writing from the author. Disclaimer:
This book is written for informational purposes only. The author has made every effort to make sure the information is complete and accurate. ll attempts have been made to verify information at the time of this publication and the authors do not assume any responsibility for errors, omissions, or other interpretations of the sub!ect matter. The publisher and author shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by this book.
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Table Of Contents Section 1 - "nderstanding the #ale
#ental Theater................................................................ 19 Section 2 - The $ig %ecret of &bsession
'hrases......................................................................... 9 Section - The (a))le*Da))le 'hrases ............................. ! Section " - +verlasting ttraction 'hases.......................... ## Section ! - The hi) $ang 'hrases.................................. $1 Section # - ttraction %pinner 'hrases ............................. 9! Section % - &bey #e 'hrases......................................... 1&9 Section $ - +motional Transparency
'hrases....................................................................... 122 Section 9 - -ove Cocktail 'hrases................................... 1 Section 1& - #utual 'leasure 'hases.............................. 1"% Section 11 - The #onstrous ntrigue
'hrases....................................................................... 1#1 Section 12 - %ecret /antasy 'hrases.............................. 1%! Section 1 - 'ermanent &bsession 'hrases..................... 1$% Section 1"- %ubconscious $onding
'hrases....................................................................... 2&& Section 1! - #onogamy wakener
'hrases...................................................................... 211
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Closing Thoughts......................................................... 22"
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'ntrod(ction
#y name is Kelsey Diamond, and 0ve got a story to tell 1 like most noteworthy stories, it began with hearing the most ridiculous thing in my entire life. 2ave you ever heard something so outlandish that it !ust makes you kind of tilt your head like there0s water caught in your ear3 This was one of those moments. s helpless as we are to e4plain these bi)arre moments that defy all rationale or standard process, we can0t help but be left in awe by them. 5ou may or may not have had one of these moments related to a friend of yours going through an une4pected relationship issue 1 the relationship issue may have even been your own. hether or not you0ve had to console a friend struggling with an ine4plicable rough patch in their love life, or e4perienced such an abrupt and frustrating situation yourself, you can probably relate to #elanie. #elanie, one of my best friends in the entire world, had been with her boyfriend happily for three years 1 that is, up until the night that he decided to leave. %he had been going about her day without even the slightest premonition that anything could be amiss with her love life, when out of the blue, she found her entire world turned upside down and shaken violently as carelessly as a bag of potato chips.
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t was an e4traordinarily late hour when the phone rang, the time of night where the phone only rings if there0s some serious business waiting to be discussed on the other end of the line 1 picked up the phone and was immediately blown back by a tidal wave of torrential emotions that can only be produced by a woman betrayed. #elanie was on the other end of the phone, shouting her lungs off and calling her boyfriend all kinds of nasty names. %he used a lot of different words to describe him, some a lot less family*friendly than others, but there was one recurring word that stuck out among all of the rest6 7pig8. “2e0s
a complete pig,8 she told me. 7 big, fat, stinking chunky
pig.8 Considering how madly in love she had been with this man, to hear her using such words to refer to him was more than a little !arring. don0t know how long she want on calling him names between sobs, but by the time it died down, was confident that the volume of those insults had !ust about e4ceeded every positive thing that she0d ever said about him before 1 she had said many, many positive things about him in the past. The volume in her voice seemed to be gaining at an e4ponential rate the longer our one*sided conversation went on, and after a bit of time, it sort of sounded like was listening to a verbal nuclear e4plosion go off in slow motion through the receiver. To say that #elanie was pissed off wouldn0t do enough !ustice to 6
even simply say that it didn0t do it !ustice. t seemed like she didn0t only consider her boyfriend a selfish !erk without care for anyone other than himself 1 she may as well have considered him the living embodiment of pure pain, pestilence and suffering. hen felt like could get a word in edgewise, asked the safest thing could think of6 “hat0s
wrong, #elanie3 hat0s the matter3 Care to e4plain3 8
%he didn0t mince any words in her reply. “2e
left me98 she said de!ectedly.
level hadof been ready for her say he0d on the burning down her to family homedone in ansomething psychopathic or alcoholic rage, but the fact that he0d !ust casually left her without warning was even more strange. They had never shown any signs of turbulence in their relationship before, which can sometimes be sign of something e4plosively bad waiting to happen, but for a couple like them to !ust unceremoniously disintegrate without any incident or fanfare didn0t make any real sense. had been curious before, and now was !ust plain stunned. The best that could do to verbali)e my shock and dire need for further e4position was a sincere, 79hat38 “re
you seriously telling me that he left you #elanie38 7
“5es:
2e left me.8 %he replied in a very convinced tone.
s she e4pelled the full brunt of her pain to me, couldn0t help but be brought back to the same times that 0d found myself in the same position. knew all too well what it was like to have the romantic carpet ripped out from under you and be left sprawling on the ground with nothing but the emptying sensation of betrayal and wild outrage. wanted to be able to lend advice to her to help her cope, but was helpless myself because didn0t have any real details on the situation yet. $ut as she e4plained things further, got the biggest shock of my life. %he told me that not only had he !ust left her out of nowhere like a snowstorm in ;une, but he0d even packed his bags and decided to relocate his entire life into the home of another woman that he was secretly hanging out with behind #elanie0s back. n fact, he !ust disappeared overnight and left a stupid little note to e4plain the reasoning behind what he0d done, or more accurately, the lack of reasoning. To put it nicely, he wrote in the letter that he no longer loved her 1 to be even clearer, he actually went as far as saying that he had in fact never loved her at all. %hocked < disturbed by this letter, #elanie felt like she had 8
never really known or understood this man at all. 2ow could he do this to her, she thought3 %imply put, he had made a half*hearted effort at clarifying why he had decided to leave her out in the cold, but it had only served to raise even further =uestions in #elanie0s head. $ut the truth was bitter because the only thing that provided the most clarity as to what motivated his actions was, unfortunately, the most upsetting thing of all for #elanie. nd that was this 1 2e had been passively cheating on her for several months. Can you imagine how much this must have rattled her world3 #elanie was wrestling with the reali)ation that she had essentially been in an imaginary relationship for months. $ut let me tell you the weirdest thing about it all. #elanie was the 7T5'+8 who was on the 72unt (ader8 of every man out there. +very man hungered to possess her, capture her and do anything in the world to be with her. hen we were younger, #elanie was the type of friend that you always have to look to with e=ual amounts of !ealously and admiration when it comes to physical health. %he seemed to have a supernatural ability to stay at peak human fitness despite eating everything the rest of us try and fail at reserving to once a week, and on top of that, her skin was flawless. 9
%he had an infectious laugh, a more*than*respectable career, and an intimidatingly sharp wit 1 more than a few guys had found it too intimidating after !ust one or two dates. nd once she met this guy, my best friend #elanie who was the shameless schoolgirl. demigoddess, assumed the form of a giggling 2e was shorter, overweight, and would make an eraser head look sharp, but along with all of these things, he was the master of making her smile and fret 1 eventually, he would prove himself the master of her tears as well. $ut: #elanie was in fact way too good for this man and everyone had been telling her that all along including me.
They that sort of a couple where would at a them were and wonder 1 7hat did this manpeople have to do tolook have gorgeous woman like that by his side8. +ven our mutual friends usually had the same reaction when they saw #elanie and that man together in public6 72ow did a guy like him actually end up with a woman as beautiful as that38 'lain and simple, even her boyfriend knew that he was massively lucky to have someone like #elanie in his life. $ut they definitely had the right kind of understanding re=uired to make a relationship thrive. They had the chemistry and the stability to stay with one another for longer than some people are even capable of remaining married.
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t the end of the day, in spite of what people would perceive as their physical attractiveness imbalance, there was no doubting that it appeared as if they had that something that could make it work. &kay, now coming back to the sub!ect at hand9 &ver the ne4t few days, #elanie got back in touch with me with some really disturbing details. %he e4tracted a lot of information on this new mystery woman who had stolen her beloved boyfriend and the details were shocking. hy was it shocking you ask3 ell, because this so called mystery woman9 Didn0t look that remarkable, didn0t have the stability #elanie offered < was going through many issues which are too messy to describe in one book.
The first thing to understand is the most visible aspect 1 this woman was not more attractive than #elanie by any stretch of the imagination. hen finally got a look at her, immediately came to conclusion that she was decidedly the most plain*looking woman 0d seen in a very long time. Despite being nothing close to a head*turner, she had managed to turn #elanie0s boyfriend0s head far enough away from #elanie to capture him completely within her field.
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t this point you might be thinking that the critical factor must have been some kind of personality trait the woman possessed that won out in the end, but not eventhis was the case. s a matter of fact, from that #elanie told me, this plain* looking woman0s personality was messy, unpredictable and she was known to have 7D(# %%"+%8. The more heard, the more it started to sound like this woman had actually made it mission to see !ust how many undesirable traits she could rack up and still be capable of stealing another woman0s man away. This woman had the deadly trifecta of moodiness, unpredictability, and a string of past broken relationships that had all ended similarly and badly. thought that getting more information about the woman that stole #elanie0s man away would make things !ust a tad bit easier to understand, but instead, it seemed as though the more learned, the more confusing things got. $ut after many years of research, was finally able to identify the core psychological components that contained the answer to every relationship issue. nd that is something which has inspired me to write this book for you. ll this time #elanie and couldn0t =uite put a finger on why her boyfriend would leave a completely secure, successful and pleasurable relationship for a woman who was completely messed up and not even as attractive as #elanie. 12
$ut after my research discovered the truth and it was this 1 /eelings don0t have eyes: They don0t occur based on what a person looks like. %o the false idea that this 7#ystery oman8 wasn0t as attractive as #elanie straight of count the window < into trash can because in went reality, looks out don0t that much tothe a man. hen it comes to feelings, the things that can actually be physically observed are not as relevant as people think 1 contrary to what we may like to believe, feelings do not have eyes. The phrase 7love is blind8 may be clich>, but it0s clich> for no other reason than the fact that it0s based in truth.
ttraction is blind too. No matter how much we might train ourselves to deny the truth, we simply can0t ever consciously choose who we are attracted to 1 on the opposite side of the same coin, we can0t force ourselves to not be attracted to a person either, even if we make every effort to ensure that we don0t. Now to be completely honest, physical looks are a factor when it comes to the degree to which another person can attract us or the degree to which we can attract another person. The issue with this line of thought, however, is that people severely overestimate the impact of looks alone. hile looks do have a measurable effect on the art of attraction, the true effect of those looks is only about five 13
)ercent.
The other ninet*-five)ercent of attraction that we have to concern ourselves with, which most people make the mistake of overlooking, is communication. $elieve it or not, our words and the ways we deliver them have the kind of weight that simply looking good can0t hold a candle to beyond a first impression. hen got to thinking about how important genuine communication is when it comes to creating a relationship that can legitimately last, the truth behind what had spelled the death of #elanie0s relationship became much clearer than it had been before. The way that the mystery woman had been able to steal away #elanie0s man had absolutely nothing to do with anything about her physical appearance in the slightest 1 that would be the ideally easy e4planation, but in truth, there was something much more intimate at work behind the scenes. hat had really attracted #elanie0s man to the mystery woman was actually nothing more than the way she had been able to communicate with the man. #elanie, as can be testified by many people other than myself, was the kind of woman that you could see !ust about any man giving more than an arm and leg to be with. $ut these personal =ualities, however, only ever really go so far. 'hysical looks can only do so much for you, but, the way that you communicate carries massive amount of importance.
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2ere is what further discovered in my research9 ith !ust the right word uttered at the right time, a chemical process takes place in the male mind which can make him find a woman ?@ to A@ times more attractive than she currently is. Bery few women recogni)e !ust how powerful this chemical reaction can be, and yet at the same time, it affects almost every one of us, every single day. #elanie may have grabbed her man0s attention once with her charming personality and ama)ing looks, but that still wasn0t enough to prevent this man from getting attracted to someone else. s weird as this sounds, we live in a society which is obsessed with 7'hysical ttraction8 but no one ever talks about 7Berbal ttraction8. 2onestly, here is my personal promise to you9 f you can learn how to master the art of using words to trigger attraction, you0ll be able to stand head over shoulders above other women who don0t have a clue of how effective such a method can be. -et0s !ust take a look at how many seemingly perfect relationships that gorgeous women like #elanie get involved in that wind up dissolving out of nowhere 1 if looks alone were enough to cement loyalty, wouldn0t these sudden breakups happen a lot less often3 e all want to be loved by the men of our dreams, but unfortunately, a lot of us end up resorting to a temporary solution to lifelong matter 1 looking good will only get you so 15
far. can0t tell you how many other women 0ve counseled who have wound up getting themselves set up for failure by committing based on a momentary infatuation that mistook for the real deal. hen reali)ed these secrets, finally understood how #elanie had fallen for a guy who seemed so outwardly low on the shelf as the man who left her 1 it was the impact of his words that set her up on the wild ride to abandonment. 5ou don0t need to be in a relationship to savor the benefits of !ust being a physically attractive catch, but if you want to the benefits of legitimate commitment, you0ve got to be able to make impact on a level that transcends beyond what can be surveyed with the eyes. Now while using the power of words can certainly help you get a leg up on the competition, the power of this techni=ue also makes apparent the massive potential there is to screw your chances if you use your words poorly. 2ere0s the ironic thing about human communication 1 while it0s something that colors !ust about every aspect of our modern lives, every second of the day, lots of us are spectacularly bad at accurately e4pressing how we feel when people say certain things in passing.
2ow often have youtoever been offended by a person but smiled through your teeth keep things from seeming awkward for everyone around you3 +ven if you don0t do that yourself, it0s how most people compensate for not being emotionally transparent, which in some scenarios, can be downright practical. 16
Knowing this, it0s imperative to understand that everything you say to a man can have massive effects that go completely unseen on the surface, sometimes without even so much as a facial twitch. ith how subtle and powerful your words can be, accepting the influential power of words endows you with both e4treme capability and also e4treme responsibility 1 play the game correctly and you0ll get everything you wanted, but neglect the vital signs and you0ll be left sitting out in the cold in no time. s a disclaimer, 0ve got to let you know that this book will only be as effective as your motivation to honestly apply everything that you take away from it. f you can make a honest and unshakeable pledge to genuinely absorb and emanate the sentiment of what share with you here in this book, it will almost feel as though you0ve been transported to an entirely new dimension of your love life. %omething else that0s vital to take away from this is the e=ually powerful twinborn partner of words 1 action. ords set the stage for success before show time, and after that, your actions will bring forth the full power of what you0ve set into place. #ake sure to honestly apply everything you learn here with as much consistent action as you can, and you0ll be on your way to easy street in no time flat. #elanie hadn0t e4plicitly done any one thing wrong, but in truth, it was what she didn’t do that spelled trouble for her in the end. %he never took into account that communication with her partner could shed light on the status of her relationship in a way that easily discernible outward confirmations of romance never actually could, and because of that, she wound up getting caught off*guard in the most undesirable sort of way.
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t0s not to say that communication alone is going to make an inherently destructive relationship suddenly work, but noticing the power it has to influence the chemistry of you and your partner will enlighten you to all kinds of other signs that things may or may not be slipping out of the safe )one. 5ou will become attuned to the signs that your partner may be seeking out a deeper connection with someone else, which is an absolutely invaluable security measure. Now that we0ve covered the basic foundation for what you0re going to be learning, it0s time to get down to the first chapter:
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Cha)ter 1 + ,nderstanding the ale ental Theater. n my line of work, 0ve coached a small group of women who are each in need of the answer to a very understandable =uestion that millions of women across the country have probably asked themselves at one point or another6 o/ is it )ossible for sim)le words to ma0e a man act(all* fall in love /ith someone
%ome of these women even wonder what makes simple words capable of swaying the feelings of man to make himlike them even more than he does at the current point in time or doesn0t. The answer to this =uestion can be found in the bare bones makeup of human psychology. 5ou don0t need to be a licensed neurologist in order to understand the basic principles that make the human brain especially susceptible to being influenced by the spoken word. $efore we0re even familiar with what words even are,our perspective of the world around us is being molded by constantly hearing them. e learn to use words as mediators between what we desire and what we can feasibly achieve, based in part on the people around us who are also pursuing and e4pressing their own interests with words. 19
Knowing how deeply ingrained the power of words are in the foundation of all of our vastly different societies, our status as the human race, and as members of the animal kingdom, it should come as no surprise how powerful words can be in the world of romance. 2ere0s one of the most important things that you need to understand about how words are able to leave a lasting impact on the minds of people who hear them6 The auditory element of hearing is only a means to an end, but what0s most important is the image that the sounds of the words create when you process the meaning itself. n short, every time you hear a word, your mind turns that word into a mental image which you see in the theatre of your brain. 'eople oftentimes make the mistake of thinking that it0s the tone of the words that we speak or the way in which we deliver them that has all of the importance, but that0s really only scratching the surface of the complete truth. The cause of the importance of things like tone and delivery is where we must direct the full e4tent of our attention, and that cause is related to images. Two identical phrases, simply uttered in subtly different ways, can create entirely different mental images for the person that those phrases are directed towards. Think about what the purpose of the first page of a newspaper is 1 it0s to catch your attention as effectively as possible with three things6 20
?.
2eavily*emboldened font
A.
significantly blown*up picture
E.
2ard*hitting words.
These threethey elements all share your something in common in how effectively can command attention when you0re presented with them 1 each of them are made to appeal to the parts of your brain that process images. The dark font and significant si)e of the headline te4t immediately catches your eye, the heavily emphasi)ed photo sends you right into the heart of the action, the imagery of the strong words increases the level of immersion into the content. /or the sake of only getting you toread something, the front page of the newspaper attacks your image*processing faculties from multiple angles simultaneously 1 this is done for a reason that hasn0t changed since the dawn of man. &ur ability to perceive the world around us and construct hypothetical situations before we act is based on creating images. hen you know that the cognitive process of developing a mental narrative is based on the construction of and immersion within images, you can understand what0s happening on a molecular level any time that you0re conversing with another human being 1 it0s a constant flow of imagined visual stimuli. n simple terms, every conversation you have with another human being is an e4change of mental images.
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Now let0s !ust imagine that we0re having a conversation, and eventually mention that took my dog to the park for a walk. 'ause and think about that for a minute. fter you heard that sentence, what happened3 Did the line, 7 went to the park today to walk my dog8 flash in your mind as soon as finished the sentence, or a little bit before that3 &r did you actually envision a literal park in your mind that could walk through with a dog on a leash3 f you0re like most people, then you didn0t literally envision the words 7 went to the park today to walk my dog8 sliding across an empty space in your mind. The way that our brains can visually consolidate what isn0t immediately observable is why we can accurately describe it as an image-processing machine. The beautiful thing about this image*processing machine in our heads is that it essentially operates on autopilot. hen you0re engaging in small talk with a cute guy that you !ust met in the coffee shop, everything that you0re saying to one another is creating an image that gives you a hypothetical representation of what each other0s lives are like 1 this forms the basis for a more significant level of attraction than what appearances alone can do. fter you0ve !ust had a lively five minute conversation with the 22
cute guy at the coffee shop, the volume of mental images that were e4changed between the two of you could potentially compose a mental narrative that could fill half of an entire epic novel. 5ou may not even be consciously aware of all of the vivid images that manifest in your mind from hearing !ust a few simple sentences uttered in a particular way. $ut you see, that0s !ust the initial step. &nce you hear something and see a mental image of it, your mind then respond with ade=uate 7+motions < /eelings8 in response to that mental image. hen the emotion is created, the third stage of word*image processing begins6 our brain releases a surge of chemicals that send off alarm systems in the body propelling us to take action. The emotions that you e4perience when you0re talking to a guy that you0re really interested in are literally signs from your body that are telling you, 72ey: hatever this guy is doing to you right now, like it: Fet more of it:8 %o if say to you 1 7 was crossing the street and had this car rushing to meet me at ?@@ miles per hour8, what happens mentally3 Chances are that you imagined a car coming to meet you at one hundred miles per hour, and though it may not necessarily be an overwhelming feeling, you might have gotten twinges of slight fear as a response. &n a slightly less dramatic scale, let0s look at the times when 23
someone says something to you that !ustrubs you the wrong way. 2ave you ever really thought of what it means for someone to be rubbed the wrong way3 $eing rubbed the wrong way means that even though there may not be an immediate or ob!ective e4planation for it, something about what was communicated created an unpleasant sensation. n essence, what has happened with these phrases that rubbed us the wrong way is that a negative image was presented to our brains when the words were processed, and it may be formed based on past e4periences or personal feelings. +ven though the words may not have been intended as insulting or even ob!ectively negative, at the end of the day, only the image summoned in the mind of the listener matters. &nce again, in simpler terms, certain words have more of an emotional impact than others and that0s e4actly what you0ll learn when share my 7&bsession 'hrases8 with you. 2owever, before get to all that, need to further e4plain that in our studies of somatosensory sensation how our body responds to stimuli, we have discovered that different emotions actually do physically register in different areas in the body when you0re e4periencing them. hen you0re e4periencing fear, that uncertainty will literally be creating a tugging sensation in the middle your chest or in the lowest pit of your belly. "nderstanding this, it may make a little bit more sense that words could have as much influence over a person as 0m telling 24
you they do. hen words summon strong emotions in the people who are e4periencing them, they0re not !ust being heard or felt 1 they are literally acting upon the person0s biology in a =uantifiable, scientifically*observable way. So here is the most im)ortant thing ' am tr*ing to conve* /ith all this scientific e3)lanation4
The stronger the image that gets created by the words that are spoken, the more intense the somatosensory e4perience of hearing them is going to be. person could feel fear, desire < even love based on how powerful your words are. Now do you understand where 0m going with this3 hen it comes to falling in love, there0s always the concept of fantasy that has kept us entrenched in the ebbs and flows of endlessly*repeating love stories since the dawn of storytelling. These ideas of the people we0re getting to know for the first time, and the dreams of doing all sorts of hypothetical things with them in the future, all of these things are the e4act kind of mental images that we0ve been going over thus far.
t0s not really so complicated when you break it down to this golden and stupidly simple rule6 good images are good, and bad images are bad 1 not e4actly the head*scratcher of the century, is it3
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Despite fact of how ama)ingly simple this is, you wouldn0t believe how many women don0t even have the faintest shred of understanding about !ust how incredibly powerful mental images are. $ecause most women usually stick to most basic words < don0t know how to add more punch to their conversations. ithout even having the slightest clue of how badly they0re sabotaging themselves, they use no end of weak and negative words that create no emotional impact on a man0s mind at best. nd conse=uently, they aren0t able to get the desired result from their man. 'n fact here is the 0ic0er4
%ometimes a woman who thinks she0s giving off all of the right signs could actually be creating an incredibly unpleasant impact without having any idea about it whatsoever. Now it0s not to say that none of these clueless women are ever able to get into stable relationships 1 =uite the contrary. The problem is however, that these women struggle day in and day out to get what they want from their man. %ince they fail to take note of the subtle but powerful effects of their own words, theirs is a life of endless confusion and struggles with relationship issues that appear to have come completely out of left field, without warning. f you can learn how to see past the smallness of individual 26
words and phrases and recogni)e how some words can get you literally anything you want from a man9 5ou0ll have slightly better protection against getting blindsided by une4pected inconsistencies in the ways that a man acts around you. -et0s !ust look at it is this way6 consider the impact that marketing has in the first world. The concept of buying and selling encapsulates our society so completely that it0s what many people identify as the foundation of their entire reality. Now consider the fact that simple words, and words alone, carry the power to sell a product. ith nothing more than words creating an image in your mind relevant to the use of the product, you are compelled to go out and e4change a real piece of your livelihood for the chance of reali)ing that hypothetical e4perience relating to the product in your mind. e could spend many days breaking into psychological consumer comple4ities, but that0s for another day. t this point, you now understand the key basics of how words function in our communicative world. 5ou know how words trigger certain images and feelings in our minds to construct a vivid mental narrative that frames our grasp on reality and the people around us. So ho/ do *o( use this basic 0no/ledge in regards to men and ma0ing them fall in love
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t is now that we0re going to start putting together the most important part of the pu))le. re you ready3 The best way that you can get a man to love you to the point of !ust about worshipping you is by using special kinds of words that can fulfill some of his deepest desires. The kinds of desires that you0ll be tapping into will be sort that he goes through most of his day having largely unfulfilled, due to how much he probably keeps them under wraps on a daily basis. -et0s get this out of the way before we go any further6 $ut when say 7Deepest #ale Desires8, some of you ladies are probably thinking that you already have the answer. %ome of you might being thinking, 7&h: %e4, obviously: already knew that before started reading this.8 2ere0s the deal6 that line of thinking is only a little bit right, but mostly off*base. %e4 does account for a part of the e=uation, but in the grand scheme of things, it0s only useful for solving about one percent of the entire pu))le. hen you0re ready to start working on the other ninety*nine percent of the pu))le, you0re going to have to move on past the se4 aspect. Now before we break down into the meat of what want to share with you here today, we0ve got to make sure that 28
something is understood before moving on even a step further. e have to outline what the truth of the matter is with women who are only desired by their men for se4 and little else. The truth is that when a man desires you for nothing other than what you can offer him se4ually, it means that at some point, you were not able to fulfill him in some department of his desires. Now that may not be something you0d like to hear, but urge you to not take personal offense to it 1 it doesn0t always mean that it was your fault. n sharing with you what am about to reveal, you0re going to know how to properly gauge a man0s desires before getting in too deep to understand e4actly what it is that he0s interested in e4periencing with you. hen you fully understand what a man desires from you, you will be much more capable of getting into the kind of relationship in which you will realistically be able to have mutual satisfaction with a man who is right for you. Now before we get too off*topic, let0s return to the concept of the ninety-nine percent that mentioned earlier, with se4 composing only the remaining one percent. The ninety*nine percent is what ninety*nine percent of women completely miss. The thing swooping under these women0s radars is the nature of what their words have to be communicating in order to create positive mental images for their men that are congruent with 29
their desires, and that is what 0m going to help you with here today. %o taking se4 off the picture, here are some of the most vital male desires you must be aware of before you star using my 7&bsession 'hrases8. The first desire that you0ve got to nail down is the desire for approval. ale Desire 5(mber One + e 5eeds 6o(r A))roval and 7alidation
2ave you ever heard something to the effect of, 7everyone is walking around with an empty cup and e4pecting someone else to fill it38 $elieve it or not, this saying is extremely true when it comes to even the most independent men in our lives. pproval and comfort are what they desire from women in general. man will build an entire empire to hide this fact inside of, but at the same time, he is helpless to escape the fact that does desire to feel validated. The man, no matter how secure and cool and confident he appears, is in constant search of something in the form of approval. 2e desires the validation because all of us, as human beings, are intrinsically validation*seeking beings. 30
+very man is seeking out some form of approval from a female figure from an early stage in childhood, and oftentimes, it begins with the mother. +verything we do is, in a way, based on seeking out positive reinforcement through the things that we en!oy. ;ust like you probably have, 0ve heard a lot in my life about how it is selfish to seek out validation from others and how the best thing to do is to make sure that we0re always secure enough in our own skin to be content without anyone0s approval at all. +ven though it may be unhealthy to need approval on the same level that an addict seeks out their fi4 through alcohol or nicotine or painkillers, simply desiring some form of approval is completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of. #en crave approval from women to the degree that you likely have several men right now who want to feel like heroes in front of you. The man wants you to be grateful for the fact that he is a constant presence in your life, and for that to happen, he needs you to have an honest understanding of who and what he is. fter you understand e4actly what it is that defines him and how much he wants you to desire him, your choice is whether or not you make an attempt at fulfilling that desire yourself. f you can fulfill all of his desires to feel needed and appreciated, he0s going to feel like the two of you are legitimately meant for one another. 31
2e0s going to want to seek you out due to the fact that you give him a feeling that no other woman can manage. Now let0s move onto the second desire that needs to be fulfilled9 ale Desire 5(mber T/o + e /ants *o( to (nconditionall* res)ect him
Now this is far from being the easiest thing to do, but if you can pull it off, you0ll be accomplishing something that a lot of women really tend to struggle with accepting. f you want to fulfill this desire, then the only way to do it is to see your man as someone who is truly deserving of unconditional respect. $ecause so many women wind up getting into relationships with men who are not worthy of respect, however, this can be a very difficult sub!ect to e4plain with them. "nconditional respect is not only impossible if your man ob!ectively doesn0t deserve it, but also if you don0t even truly believe that your man actually deserves the respect in the very first place. $e aware that there is a very good reason that chose to use the term unconditional respect. To !ust about every man that you can imagine, respect is the single most valuable thing. n a world where we0re scarcely able to unconditionally hold onto our own belongings or the people closest to us, unconditional self*respect is one of the few things that a lot of men feel some sense of security in owning, and they like people 32
around them to acknowledge that. The universal inner desire for respect makes it so that the very moment you acknowledge his effort, he0s going to respond positively. f you acknowledge him consistently enough, then eventually, it0s possible for him to return it with love. f your man doesn0t feel respected at all, though, then clearly the two of you are going to have some serious challenges. f he feels outright disrespected by you, then all of his attraction, attention and feelings of desire for you are going to hit the ground before you know it. s respect is one of the principal things that a man holds dear, there are few things that he despises more than the feeling of being disrespected. hat0s more is that you will rarely ever actually have a man overtly verbali)e when he feels that you0ve disrespected him. Chances are that if a man really feels like you0ve disrespected him, what he0s most likely to do is actually !ust slowly break off contact until he0s completely absent. f you aren0t attentive enough, you won0t have any idea where things went wrong when he0s completely withdrawn. Now that you know how to avoid the worst case scenario by making sure to maintain a consistent level of respect, it0s time to move onto the third key point. ale Desire 5(mber Three + Raising a an8s motional Tem)erat(re
hen it comes to maintaining a steady and powerful 33
relationship with a man over an e4tended period of time, you can consider it like keeping a small flame fanned and active. f you fan it too hard, it will die out, but neglecting to tend to it will make it lose its luster as well. e0re going to refer to this as raising a man’s emotional temperature,and by e4tension, the art of maintaining it as well. To put it in the simplest terms, you have to learn how to 7tune up8 all of the latent emotions that your man e4periences when you0re in his presence. The greater that his emotional intensity is when he0s around you, the more intense the physiological symptoms will be in turn. hen his emotions are legitimately clawing at him from the inside to make him think about you on a consistent basis, he0s going to be desiring your presence on a level that transcends what is purely emotional and legitimately approaches physical symptomology. 5ou are literally going to become a kind of 7fi48 that he seeks in order to feel more at ease. n order to even reach the point of having your man actually want you to this degree, you0ve got to raise his emotional temperature to the point of no return. ll of the feelings that are conducive to attraction are going to be over clocked, and when this happens, you0ve essentially got the system working in your favor on autopilot. t0s going to be such a powerful effect that he himself may not even be fully aware of why he0s as attracted to you as he is, but there will be no denying that he0ll be consumed by an 34
unshakeable and mysterious magnetism towards you. +ssentially, there are going to be three key events that occur after his emotional temperature has reached a serious boiling point6 e /ill ind imself in the ;one of Consistent Attraction
?.
%imply by raising the emotional temperature to optimal levels, you0ve left a legitimate carbon footprint on his physiological composition. 2e0s going to feel a level of attraction to you ingrained so s=uarely and deeply in his heart that it will feel to him like his soul is legitimately dancing in e4citement at the simple prospect of being able to spend more time with you in the near future. henever he thinks about you, he0s going to feel the inescapable tug of his feelings towards you in the pit of his stomach. 5ou0ll notice that when he actually sees you, he0ll be e4hibiting signs of wanting to be physically closer to you if it0s at all possible. 2e0s going to be e4periencing ripples of immense comfort around you and the concept of your person, and when this happens, he0s going to be both rela4ed and an4ious 1 it will be the dual effect of a simultaneous push and pull that both work to bring him closer to your position. A.
e
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5ou may or may not be aware of it, but !ust the concept of emotionality is a very touchy thing for the average man to come to terms with. hile it doesn0t mean that he0ll actually feel things less, it means he0s got to deal with the pressure of not revealing his susceptibility to emotional fluctuations too often, lest he compromise the masculine 7image8 society holds him to. hen you0ve personally raised up the emotional temperature to a suitable level, however, you will have managed to become a legitimate emotional safe zone for him that he can go to without fear of being !udged or insulted. ll in all, your presence is going to summon within him an e4traordinary amount of relief and safety that he0ll find particularly valuable in his everyday life. henever he knows that you0re nearby, he0ll feel relief from the cloud of uneasiness that may have formerly shrouded him any time that he thought about the horror stories and sacrifices of commitment. 5ou absolutely cannot neglect to understand !ust how much men value their personal freedoms. /reedom is probably one of the few thing that come close to respect when it comes to what a man values among all things in general, and when he senses that a life with you isn0t going to stifle restrict him, he0ll be a lot more at ease with you than most or other women. 5(mber Three + e ro/ ?ored
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#en hate monotony as much as they love the feeling of freedom, and so naturally, their worst nightmare is to feel like they0re trapped in a boring life spent with a woman who drains all of the high*octane pleasure and spontaneity out of his e4istence. hen you0re able to summon intense physiological symptoms within him that raise his heart rate, you can guarantee that he won0t feel the slightest thing resembling boredom when it comes to your presence. 5ou0ll be able to raise his emotional temperature so effectively that it will actually seem nearly impossible for him to be bored in your presence, because he will have essentially been psychologically conditioned to be e4cited at the prospect of spending time with you whenever possible. =(tting it All Together
5ou now understand the three crucial keys to raising a man0s emotional temperature to a boiling point. ?. 2e0s going to feel like he has the freedom to be emotionally uninhibited with you, in stark contrast to how he has to conduct himself in everyday settings. A. 2e0s going to feel emotionallysafe in your presence, turning every conversation into a valuable )one of security that he0ll be e4tremely hesitant to let another man encroach upon. E. 2e0s going to be so constantly stimulated by the way that you can bring his male mental theater to life that he0ll never grow bored with you, which will make him consider life with you like an adventure that0s waiting to happen as soon as he 37
becomes bold enough to embark. ccompanying these highly desirable effects of dedicating attention to raising his emotional temperature are the benefits of fulfilling two other e4tremely important desires he possesses 1 the desire to be unconditionally respected, and the desire to be validated. hen he feels that you respect him for the essence of all that he is, he0ll feel a certain kind of compulsion to be near you that can0t possibly be matched !ust by seeing another lady in the store who0s physically attractive. 5ou0re going to be triggering all of these momentous effects simply with the use of powerful words which call 7&bsession 'hrases8. +verything that we0ve discussed so far may sound a bit comple4, but the beauty of it all is that the comple4ity is underlined by e4traordinarily simple precedents. ith !ust the utterance of a well*time or thought*out phrase, you can set off the chain reaction within a man that leads him on the path to seeing you in a light that few other women in his life have the knowledge to match.
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Cha)ter 2 + The ?ig Secret of Obsession =hrases. 2ave you ever been so engrossed in a movie or book that you started actually feeling like you were experiencing that fictional story yourself3 2as the immersion ever been so great that you can0t help but actually feel as though you personally understand the pain and happiness that the characters are e4periencing3 2ave the ebbs and flows of a protagonist0s struggles ever managed to take you on a very real emotional !ourney yourself3 2ave you ever been so immersed in a fictional story that you feel !ust a little bit empty when the story is over, like a piece of your own story has come to an end3 hen you become invested enough in a fictional work to feel like you0re truly apart of the action, then the creator has accomplished their mission. hat do you think 2ollywood is really profiting off of3 Does 2ollywood profit from high*profile actors and special effects3
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f you said so, you wouldn0t be wrong, but you wouldn0t be one hundred percent right, either 1 what 2ollywood really uses those actors and special effects for is to profit from yours and others’ emotions. 'eople see movies for all kinds of reasons, from the want of laughter even to moral obligation, but at the end of the day, those motivations are unified by the element of emotional investment that has to happen first. hen you are buying a cinema ticket, or a soft cover pulp fiction novel, or admission to the cinema, what you are really purchasing is the e4perience of your own resultant emotions to the content. t may seem a bit odd that you could actually buy the e4perience of your own emotions, but don0t get too caught up in the face*value of the words 1 technically your emotions are already andaswhat you purchase is the entertainment mediumthere, to serve a temporary conduit for all of your feelings.
5our !oy, your e4citement, and your fear are all things that 2ollywood and other professionals in the creative medium are moneti)ing. hen the production fails to make the audience feel anything that0s conducive to engaging in it more, then that0s when it fails to sell and gets considered a flop. +ven an emotional investment based in anger counts as a victory for 2ollywood if it results in more people purchasing the opportunity to see what all the fuss is about.
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Now hold on, why am talking about movies so much3 5ou may be wondering why 0m going on about movies when this is supposed to be a book about obsession phrases, but if you0ve been paying strict attention to what we0ve covered in the previous chapter, you probably know what the point is. hat you0re going to learn has to do with taking a page from 2ollywood in the art of knowing how to effectively 78%T( +#&T&N%8 within people that you want to influence. 2ere0s something interesting to know about emotions 1 we are far, far more likely to mentally consolidate an event in our memory when it0s emotionally charged. +ven if we don0t remember every detail, if it0s emotionally charged, it will be branded into our memory and stick out like a red*hot piece of iron in the snow. e e4perience so many diverse sounds, sights and smells on a daily basis that it would be absolutely impossible to manually account for them all without going stir cra)y. &ur brains unburden themselves of the weight of insignificant memories of under*stimulating things for a reason 1 we have absolutely no use for them, and so it0s only practical to toss them to the side. human is actually about ten times more likely to remember an emotionally*charged event than an event in which they had no emotional investment at all. $land and boring events get discarded in the static of all of the rest of our disregarded memories, but emotionally electric 41
events get moved to special shelf in which they can always be viewed more clearly. Think of how people argue with their significant others, or how parents argue with their children, and the fre=uent accusation that somebody never does G, 5, or H. Now G, 5, or H could be something as innocuous as taking out the trash or doing the dishes, and it0s e4tremely unlikely that anyone has ever literally never done those things at least one time. The emotionally charged heat of the argument simply superimposes the negative memories of when the other person being argued with didn0t happen to do whatever that chore was. +ssentially, we0re going to be accomplishing the same thing with obsession phrases that 2ollywood professionals and best*selling author can accomplish with their emotion*eliciting work. f you can learn how to make your words contribute to a strongly consolidated memory by imbuing them with emotionally triggering power, you can make the impression you want on the man you desire. Now something vital to remember here is that the emotions you0re looking to stir up in the man, in relation to you, should be positive ones. hile a documentary can attract viewers based on the fact that it triggers their righteous anger, that0s not an emotion that0s highly conducive a person spend more time to with you. wanting to a man wanting to The obsession phrases we0re going to be covering are designed to stir up emotion to ma4imum velocity. 42
The goal seems simple enough on paper, but you might be wondering e4actly how it is you can most successfully go about stirring up emotion in the very first place 1 no need to fear, because 0ve broken it down into three essential steps.
(emember, the amount of emotion able you0ll to summon within the man0s heart and the level you0re of benefits be able to derive from the relationship with him are positively correlated. %o here are the details you must keep in mind before you say anything to a man9 ?.
%how, don0t tell.
A.
#ake his mind ponder.
E.
Create anticipation.
f you can fully consolidate the values of these three different steps into an overarching attitude you adopt towards speaking to a man, you0ll have the key to getting !ust about everything you desire from him
1. Sho/ don8t tell. Details are necessar*.
golden rule of this process is to make sure that you prioriti)e the mental images created by the words you speak instead of simply the words themselves. s we emphasi)ed a great deal in the past chapter, it0s not really the words themselves that carry any intrinsic value when we speak them 1 all we ever did when we created language was ascribe meaning to sounds, and the impact of the sound is 43
determined by the mental image formulated in the mind of the hearer. f you really want to strike a nerve in the heart of any man, then the principle of showing and not telling cannot be overstated in its importance. +very single one of your words should paint a vivid portrait in the man0s mind that keeps him up at night. There are millions of ways that you can paint a vivid picture in a man0s mind, and so understandably, it can be a tad bit intimidating to try and think of every single possibility 1 one thing that you assuredly can do, however, is make sure that your words aren0t boring or mundane. "nfortunately, most people in society are fine*tuned to constantly speak of the most inane and boring things imaginable 1 on top of that, they oftentimes repeat these boring things over and over again. 2ere0s an e4ample that !ust might illustrate the principle a little bit more clearly. 5ou could very easily tell a guy something as honest and simple as, 72ey: like you:8 t accomplishes the basic purpose, but you can definitely do a lot better than that. f you really want to knock it out of the park, you0ve got to make a point of going out of your way to make sure he understands e4actly what kinds of things he does that you like.
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nstead of !ust telling him that you like him and leaving it at that, what you can do is say something more to this effect6 “
really like it when you hold my hands and hold me really close to you, it makes me feel so wonderful.8 Doesn0t the difference strike you immediately3 The added imagery here really drives it home that you0re not !ust trying to make him think that you like him. $y adding in a specific account of e4actly what it is he does that makes you feel great, you0ve given a high*=uality mental image to work with and understand more of your mental narrative. (emember6 the more detailed the mental image you can paint in his mind, the heavier of an impact you0ll be able to make on his mind when you0re no longer in the immediate vicinity. hen you can get him to think about you even when you0re not actually around him, you0ll know that you0ve finally succeeded in painting a powerful mental image in his psyche that will gradually drive him wild with affection for you.
2. a0e his mind )onder
The second e4tremely important principle of emotional stimulation we0re going to cover here is the art of heavy mental stimulation. &ne of the best ways that you can see to it that a man gets emotional is by making it so that he has to wrestle with his own 45
uncertainty. #en love to be right, and so when you don0t allow them to have everything figured out right away, they0re naturally going to start feeling a little bit out of sorts about things. 5our ob!ective must be to force the man to think, consider, ponder and internally =uestion !ust about everything that you say to him. 5ou don0t have to make it so that you0re outright lying to him or saying weird things, but a real effort to leave loose ends attached to the things you say will go a long way. #ost conversations are boring by default, which is why the most e4citing and thought*provoking conversations we have tend to stand out so much in our minds when we have them. hen we0re able to have a conversation that really leaves us =uestioning what is and isn0t true, we hold it in special place in our minds for analysis until it0s solved, if it ever is. -et0s !ust use an easy e4ample to illustrate the effect 0m talking about here9 %uppose you want to let a guy know that you like spending time with him, but don0t want to make it seem like he0swon you !ust because he0 made a good impression so far. 5ou could say something to the effect of, 72ey +ric, en!oy your company8 and be done with it, or you could take a step farther in order to really engage his curious mind at a level that you haven0t touched before.
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nstead of !ust telling him that you en!oy his company, you can both e4press your appreciation for while still allowing for some shadow of a doubt. %ay something like 1 7 en!oy your company a lot but you do have your weird moments once in a while98 Now do you see what the critical difference is here with the latter form of the phrase3 nstead of !ust leaving your statement of appreciation for him hanging in the air so that he can take it and use to inflate his ego, you0ve instead given him something that he can legitimately think about. The first sentence barely re=uires any thought at all on his part to understand. +ven though it may be true that you do en!oy his company enough to e4press it to him honestly, it0s an incredibly bland statement that he won0t have to roll over in his head for very long in order to fully understand. ith the second statement, you have effectively opened up the virtual floodgates for his thoughts. 2e would be completely caught up in wondering about what your definition of 7weird moments8 is, growing increasingly self* conscious. hen he starts thinking critically about all of the things he does that could possibly be interpreted by you as weird, you0ve initiated the loop of constant conversation he0ll engage in with you in order to find out. 5ou0ll get a better understanding of this when you see some of the 7&bsession 'hrases8 in the coming chapters. 47
+ Create antici)ation
Now this third principle of emotional stimulation 0m going to share with you is actually the most powerful one of all. e0ve already gone over how heavily the movie industry depends on emotional stimulation in order to stay afloat, and now ask you once again to take a moment to think critically about the entertainment industry. 2ave you ever watched the Daily %oaps3 2ave you noticed how Daily %oaps are able to maintain a constant audience by ending every episode on an open loop3 hat do you think the purpose of that open loop is, e4actly3 The open loop format is a truly genius approach to the ongoing series medium. hen each episode ends on an open loop, the viewer has their anticipation triggered, which results in a nervous brand of e4citement. 5our primary goal should be to make it so that every time you two are about to part ways, there0s always !ust a little bit of uncertainty left hanging in the air for him. hen you make sure to always leave a little bit of mystery lingering between the two of you, he0s going to be left anticipating what you do and say a lot more than he did before.
Now it0s crucial that before dive into the specifics of this step, 48
clarify something for you6 hile this third step is undoubtedly powerful, it is not always absolutely necessary. 5ou should use this techni=ue sparingly unless the situation really calls for it. 5ou don0t always need to create more anticipation, and we0ll spend some more time talking about that in coming chapters. Now if there comes the time when you legitimately do feel you need to employ the art of creating a sense of anticipation, 0ve got an e4ample you can look to for inspiration. magine you0ve !ust finished a pictures=ue date with a guy who !ust so happens to do an astoundingly small amount of things to tick you off. 5ou0re feeling a good I or J out of ?@ on the scale of satisfaction with the night, and you know that you0ve got to let this guy know he0s done an awesome !ob at salvaging your faith in the male gender. 5ou could very well !ust say something as simple as, 7t was nice meeting you and hope to do this again sometime.8 and leave it at that. t0s short, simple, sweet, and about as e4citing as cleaning the lint out of the dryer. +nding a night out with a line like this may not e4actly push him away, but it0s highly unlikely to have him chomping at the bit to come out and see you again.
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Now if you really want to leave your potential lover off on a serious cliffhanger, all that0s needed is a slight ad!ustment. Try to instead say something to the effect, of6 “
did en!oy my time with you, but noticed something a little bit strange.8 Now after you say something like this, he0s naturally going to wonder and be curious about what you thought was 7%& %T(NF+8 about a wonderful date. Now when naturally e4presses that curiosity, that0s your cue to deliver the graceful coup de grace. nstead of !ust letting him know e4actly what it is that made you think things were a little bit strange, you can instead say something to the effect of6 “&h:
really need to head back home. 0ll talk about it some other time.8 Now after you utter this last sentence, do you have any idea of what might happen ne4t3 0ll tell you6 you0re going to end the date, right then and there. Don0t offer any alternative e4planation, !ust head on back to where you need to go with a sense of urgency and purpose.
/rom the very moment you leave, you will have effectively summoned a loop of intrigue and uncertainty in his mind that he0ll be hard*pressed to escape from. 2is anticipation will intermingle with his feeling of uncertainty, 50
and more than anything else, he0ll want to clarify the truth the mystery of your true feelings. Now to sum this chapter up and put it all on the same page, let0s !ust briefly review all that we0ve covered here thus far about these obsession*generating phrases. 5our obsession*generating phrases will at once build up a cocktail of comfort and an4iety in his heart 1 while he0ll be relieved that you do have something resembling feelings towards him, he0ll also be a bit wary of what the implications of your uncertainty are. The key to creating these effects is really !ust a matter of making the words you say create strong, highly discernible images. 5ou don0t have to literally create fantastic images off of the top of your head, but you can benefit simply from taking care to make specific mentions of all of the things it is that he does that please you. nstead of making ambiguous mentions about the kind of person you think he is, substitute those things with ambiguous mentions about things that might actually be turning you off. Never forget that men are, by nature, enamored with the allure of the chase. +verything that we desire is always perceived as most valuable when it e4clusivity. seems as if it0s the farthest out of our reach, due to the aura of hen your phrases compliment him while still giving off the impression that your approval is something that he still has to 51
work for, you0ll be triggering ancient components within him that kick start the emotions conducive to pursuing you 1 frustration, happiness, determination, confusion, and obsession. &nce you feel you0ve gotten a good grip on whatever 0ve e4plained thus far, it0s time share my obsession phrases with you one by one. #ove on to the ne4t chapter.
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Cha)ter + The Ra@@le-Da@@le =hrases Take a moment to !ust consider this hypothetical scenario 1 you0re going out with a guy for the very first time, and so far, it seems like he0s legitimately got a good amount of interest in you. 2e hasn0t given you a single red flag yet the entire date, and so naturally, you0re feeling pretty optimistic. 5ou get that feeling in your chest that !ust makes yousense that things are going right instead of only thinking that they are, and what you can see is confirming all that you feel. t0s like all of the dating planets have aligned perfectly in your favor with this guy, and from the beginning to the end of the outing, it seems like you0ve won the romantic lottery. fter he drops you off, he gives you a gentle good*night kiss to consolidate the electric feeling of the night and says he0ll be calling you soon for another date 1 actually, he doesn0tsay that he will, outright that he0ll be giving you a call to take youheout again promises very soon. few days go by, and your phone remains un*called by the man in =uestion. 53
5ou try not to, but you can0t help but check and re*check your phone to see if you might actually be missing something.
5our curiosity eventually turns into !ust being plain pissed off. 2e promised something that you had !ust about every sign of him eventually following through on, and then he proceeded to forget you e4isted. t seems as though he may has well have actually promised you that he could leap to the moon in a single bound. Now even though you may have been so fortunate as to have not have had to go through such an undesirable scenario, can confidently say that there is almost no woman on the planet who has not had to go through something like this at least once. The state you can fall into that makes you susceptible to a situation like this is something that like to call the state of random attraction. %imply put, the state of random attraction is when you are liable to go out with a guy who fires off multiple signs that he0s !ust not feeling a great deal of attraction towards you, and yet you go along with it anyway all because of the force of your raw attraction to him. #illions of women around the world are constantly falling petty to symptoms of random attraction by the minute. +ducated, independent, powerful and perceptive women will still 54
occasionally e4hibit vulnerability to the state of becoming too star*struck by a gorgeous male specimen to see what0s happening or sometimes, not happening directly in front of them.
Now of course there are some other women out there who actually might be fortunate enough to catch onto the one* sidedness of the passion before it0s too late 1 however, a lot of even these women may tend to try and go about remedying what they0re discovered in a completely incorrect fashion. hat a great deal of women will assume is the solution to awakening true passion in the heart of a man they0re interested in is physical attraction. These women believe that !ust by looking good, they can sway a man to suddenly see the merit in becoming committed to them. The issue with attempting to be physically attractive enough !ust to get the man to commit is that, while it !ust may work, it will be for the completely wrong reasons and create the most unstable relationship imaginable 1 that is, if you can even get that far. 'hysical attractiveness really only goes so far when we0re being constantly bombarded by the visual stimuli of supermodels in our media every single minute of the day, and so if you think !ust looking good is going to make you stand out in his mind among all of the rest he has to capture his attention, you could seriously use a dose of reality. 2ere0s the truth that a lot of women these days !ust don0t seem 55
to be one*hundred percent familiar with9 n average*looking woman with a knockout personality will generally be able to win out over a woman who looks like a goddess but has a dead personality. The average looking woman who is able to charm men in a way that completely confounds the women who focus a lot more on their looks is generally going to be helped out a lot by an e4tremely powerful tool in her arsenal 1 her /ords. This is a woman who will have subconsciously mastered the art of all of the obsession phrases and desire*fulfillment techni=ues that we0ve gone over so far, and the effects are absolutely tremendous. ith nothing more than !ust the use of the right words, this woman will have the power to da))le men right out of their shoes as if it were as easy as playing mini*golf on a %unday morning. $etter*looking women may never =uite understand !ust what the secret to this verbose, personable, average*looking woman0s game is unless they too understand the right techni=ues to mentally da))le a man until he becomes like a willing follower. Now before we move on any further, have to ask, do you know e4actly why it is a guy may tend to not call back after a date that seemed to go over pretty smoothly3 Do you know what the key component is that causes a man to lose attraction far too early in the relationship3
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The ans/er is that the /oman act(all* failed to create a legitimate sense of intrig(e.
(emember what we covered in the previous chapter about how soap operas are able to maintain a captive audience due to the effective use of open loops at the end of every episode3 The audience remains invested due to the fact that there0s always something more left to be discovered in the ne4t episode that wasn0t resolved in the one that !ust ended. f an episode ended with every single thing wrapped up nicely, with no over*arching elements to develop the characters or the world they live in, then there !ust wouldn0t be as much motivation for the audience to keep on watching. $elieve it or not, the same principle applies to relationships that are !ust starting to bloom. f you don0t create any sense of mystery of things yet to be discovered about you before or by the end of the night, even if it was actually an en!oyable date, you0ll find that most men !ust won0t be intrigued enough by you to keep on pursuing you with the intent to get to know you better than they think they already do. Now be aware, am not saying that0s always your fault if you weren0t able to make the man feel like you were the most interesting woman in the world on the very first date 1 there are times in which that !ust really can0t be helped, and we0re not looking to attack anybody for that.
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hat is of the utmost importance, however, is that you understand !ust how vital it is to make sure that you understand what the impact of being legitimately intriguing is. They don0t necessarily teach anybody how to be intriguing in school, but that0s e4actly why 0ve written this guide for you in the very first place. The only way that you0re ever going to be able to keep a lock on attention from a man that you0re interested in is if you make sure that you command that attention to the best of your ability. 5ou0ve got to make it so that you can effectively and effortlessly e4hibit your best =ualities, !ust like how the top marketers in the world are able to summon legions of people to their products with a simple advertisement. 5ou don0t have to legitimately know the e4act strategies that every top marketer uses in order to get their products out on the top of the nation best*selling list, because that takes years of practice and study to fully understand, but one thing you can be certain of is what the top marketers assuredly do not do in order to get their products noticed by the target market that they0re interested in. top marketer is not going to come out to directly to you in your house, sit down right in front of you at the dining room table, slam his product down right in front of you and say, 7please buy this.8 There are some marketers who definitely operate in this fashion, but there0s a reason why they0re generally not operating at the very top of the business world. 58
(emember all that we0ve talked about so far regarding the power of mental images3 #ental images are how the top marketers are able to get you buying three, four or five of their products before sunset.
nstead of !ust telling you, 7buy this8, these marketers are instead making sure that they can get you to imagine what your life is going to be like when you actually invest in whatever it is that they0re selling. +ssentially, what you0re going to have to do is get the man you0re interested in to hypothetically imagine and love the idea of what life with you could be like if he actually got invested into you. 2ow do you do this3 t0s as simple as what we0ve already been going over here so far 1 you have to be able to trigger his intrigue and stir up his emotions until he practically feels like he has no other choice but to get involved with you to settle up those stormy, stimulating feelings inside. Now even though these effects understandably sound pretty momentous, and they really are, they can be triggered with the use of !ust a couple of simple phrases to be employed at the beginning of !ust about any date that you go on. hat are these phrases3 ell, call them the 7(a))le Da))le8 phrases and they can be used in any first date situations9
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2ere are some e4amples, you can say at the end or in the middle of your first meeting with a man9 “'
/as both e3cited and scared abo(t this.
This line seems innocent enough, doesn0t it3 s innocent as it is, you0ll notice something pretty fantastic about it if you pay !ust a little bit more attention to it. This innocent line carries a lot of intrigue power within it. t0s going to make the man seriously start thinking, and his thoughts may be along the lines of, 7 get that she was e4cited, but why scared38 Chances are that he0s going to ask you for !ust a little bit of clarification as to what it was that got you feeling nervous, and that0s when you move onto another intrigue*arouser like the following line9 “
it8s nothing maBor ma*be '8ll tal0 abo(t it /hen ' 0no/ *o( better.
t0s imperative that immediately after you drop this line, you make a point to change the sub!ect. fter you do this, he0ll once again be at the mercy of his own intrigue. &f course the line itself is still completely innocent, but at the 60
same time, he0s going to be left hanging on uncertainty. hen you do this, you are at once planting a seed that e4presses interest and also establishing a personal boundary to keep him away from knowing everything about you right away.
The boundary of course will vanish in time, but the key point is that the time will be provided by the fact that he still has things about you to work towards figuring out. nd will be motivated to figure them out due to the fact that you0ve e4pressed a clear sign that you0re actually interested in him. Now that you0ve established your intrigue*generating boundary and also indirectly commanded a second date, you can go on ahead and drop a line like the following anywhere in the middle of your usual conversation9 “'
am (s(all* the nicest )erson *o(8ll ever come across all m* friends sa* ' am the nicest girl the* 0no/ b(t ' have a ver* evil and /eird side to me. onestl* if ' co(ld tell *o( the /eird things '8ve done4
Now !ust like after the very first line you dropped, after this one, there0s a good chance he0s going to start wondering !ust what it is that you0re so unsure about telling him, which will likely compel him whether to ask e4actly is you0ve done that you don0t know about or notwhat you0dit like to share. hen he does ask you e4actly what it is that you0ve done, your ne4t !ob is to once again change the sub!ect. 61
%ay that you0ll be able to tell him about it once you0re a little more comfortable with him, and it will absolutely drive him nuts. hen you finally get around to the latter half of the date, you have an opportunity to intensify the tension boiling up between the two of you to really drive things home. 5ou can make it so that all of the tension that you0ve successfully built up so far comes to a head with a line like the following here9 “'
don8t 0no/ if ' sho(ld tell *o( this or not ' 0no/ it8s f(nn* b(t ' have a mental chec0list for men. ' noticed fo(r reall* good (alities in *o( ?,T4/ith t/o not-sogood (alities.
(est assured that as soon as you drop a line like this one, there is a JJ.J chance that he0s going to ask you, in some way, shape or form, to e4plain yourself better than you did. hen he asks you to clarify e4actly what it is that you0re talking about, your ne4t directive should be to tell him that you really need to be somewhere else 1 but not without mentioning that you would love to actually talk about it at another time. ith this techni=ue, you have basically prolonged the power of the intrigue boundary and planted a seed of interest. "nless he0s denser than dark matter, he0ll know for certain that you are interested in him, but he0ll also be aware of the fact that keeping you is going to take a little bit more of an effort 62
than !ust asking you to spill out all of your secrets. #ake sure that you leave the conversation at the point at which he0s still slightly reeling from the unanswered =uestion and the e4pression of your interest, and guarantee that he0s going to be blowing up your phone for another date. Now understand that this may all seem !ust a little bit out there, but trust me, there are few things than men love more than the thrill of the chase. The chase is what has been compelling men, for thousands of years, to keep on going after the women they0re interested in the most in order to prolong the lifespan of the entire human race. #en live and die by the chase, and by doing this, you0re essentially giving them e4actly what they crave on a biological level. s long as you make sure that you always leave room for !ust a little more to be found out than what you e4plicitly reveal, you can pretty much ensure that you always keep him firmly locked into that precious never*ending loop of attraction. 5ou don0t really even need to over think what it will take in order to keep the intrigue at an optimal level. #ake sure that you notice whenever he asks a =uestion that demands some kind of personal information from you, and when he does that, ensure that you absolutely do not give away more than what0s going to keep him only barely satisfied.
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f you0re having any second thoughts about what it will entail in order to keep a man0s intrigue floating at the highest level possible, !ust take a moment to appreciate what your own personal life means to you. ll of your =ualities, e4periences, knowledge and old memories are uni=ue you and youto alone 1 you areperson not obligated to make thosetothings candid every single who asks. $y showing that you have a degree of e4clusivity attributed to the things that are most deep*seated within you about your personality, you0re not only keeping the man0s intrigue level up, but also e4hibiting a very real sense of self*respect that many people will seriously admire. The world is full of people who are not only unbearably boring to talk to, but also incredibly candid about every single aspect of their lives that !ust about no one ever actually asked about. These people think that they0re actually engaging the people around them with their relentless sharing, but all they0re doing is bogging down the people around them to death with their personal baggage. +ven if a man is already noticeably interested in you, you0re going to be sabotaging your chances if you think that the best way to keep him is by throwing all of your cards on the table before he has a chance to blink. (emember 1 no matter how valuable something is, it appears a lot more valuable when it is hard to get and isn0t being aggressively thrust upon us. Keeping your secrets and feelings up high on a shelf will 64
challenge the faculties within him that make him feel powerful and smart, which will frustrate him !ust a bit, but also compel him to work harder. t the same time that he0s working to prove to himself that he can figure you out, he0ll also be falling for you. %pending all of the time that you0ll make necessary in order to get to know you fully will entrench him deeply into the nucleus of your heart and soul, and with all of his effort, he0ll be investing the full e4tent of himself into understanding the core of what makes you tick. t won0t be an e4plicitly physical connection, but the mental stimulation will generate very real physiological effects that scientifically draw him ever closer to you by the day.
The anticipation, e4citement, and suspense about what0s to come ne4t will prolong the never*ending cycle of attraction infinitely. n the coming chapters, 0m going to show you ways that you can actually intensify the cycle even more strongly by using a variety of more phrases. #ove on to the ne4t chapter9
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Cha)ter " + verlasting Attraction =hases re you familiar with the concept of a 7soul mate83 5ou may or may not actually believe in it, but chances are you at least understand the idea of two people who are meant to be with one another until the end of time.
%ome people are so resolute in their belief that they0ll claim that they and their loved one are destined to be with one another even across the span of several different lifetimes.
hether or not you believe in the concept of being someone0s literal soul mate, there0s no =uestioning that there are in fact bonds between people that are so strong that it seems as though it could actually border on supernatural.
5ou0ve probably seen couples who are so incredibly infatuated with one another that it fills you with e=ual feelings of both nausea and admiration.
Do you understand what it really takes for two people to be able to achieve that kind of bond3
Do you understand what it would take foryou to be able to achieve that kind of bond with a man, so secure and enduring that you could almost legitimately call him your soul mate3
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2ere0s the thing about happily ever after 1 even though a lot of us would like to believe that the decision to commit to someone for life can only be made after a long and highly rational process of weighing down the pros and cons to the wisest possible decision, it is feelings and feelings alone that determine that decision. No matter how much we may like to think that we can effectively rationali)e this or that, at the end of the day, we are pretty much guaranteed to voluntarily elect our lifelong commitment decision based on that ine4plicable sensation in the gut that makes us think of somebody as 7the one8.
%omething within us !ust naturally makes us view certain people as our soul mates, or if not e4actly that, a person that we sense as the strongest choice in partner for the rest of our lives.
%o, how do we apply that to the nature of what we0ve been talking about all this time3
t0s =uite simple, really 1 we can use the power of obsession phrases to steer a man into the direction of seeing us as the ultimate life partner.
The key to 7+verlasting ttraction8 is making a guy see you as the girl of his dreams, and as intense as that sounds, it0s a lot simpler than you might be thinking.
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hen you get to the point at which you0ve identified a guy that you both have feelings for and have reason to believe that he has the same, it0s time to start building up the foundation for +verlasting ttraction 1 but how do you do it3
0m going to let you know some of the most effective obsession phrases 0ve found in order to start building that foundation, but before we dive into that, let0s !ust go over how you can believably achieve the milestone of the +verlasting ttraction phrase.
Now let me !ust ask you a =uestion6 have you ever witnessed a man get completely caught up in the thrill of a casino3
2ave you seen a man gambling on the same old game, repeatedly, even though he might be consciously aware of the fact that he0d probably be better off taking it a little bit easier3
hen a man gets into the state in which he simply refuses to lose, for better or worse, it0s almost like something has literally possessed him and made him helpless to resist the thundering cry inside !ust to win.
5ou may have felt that sensation once or twice yourself, and it is that very feeling that we0re going to be capitali)ing upon in order to produce a full picture of what it takes to induce +verlasting ttraction.
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hy do you think it is that a man !ust doesn0t seem to be able to stand up and leave that table at the casino that he keeps pouring his money into over and over again3
2e0s aware of the fact that his wallet can0t keep bleeding cash forever, and yet in spite of this, he continues on his awe* inspiringly stubborn drive to recoup everything that he0s lost in the process.
n order to answer this =uestion, must ask you to think back to what we covered in Chapter &ne when discussing the comple4ities of the male mental theater.
hen a man is engaging in highly determined or obsessive behavior, it would be overly simplistic to say that that he0s doing it because he really, really wants to win 1 while that may be true, it detracts from the bare bones nature of what0s happening in his actual molecular physiology.
hen a man is sitting down at the gambling table to throwing caution to the wind in order to get that profit he0s seeking, he is e4periencing an e4tremely powerful surge of hormones in his body that are compelling him to continue on in spite of anything that may be discouraging him from continuing 1 these are what we call 7'leasure 2ormones8.
Despite the pleasant*sounding name, 'leasure 2ormones have an e4tremely forceful and potentially e4plosive influence on the behavior of anyone who is momentarily being heavily influenced 69
by them.
The sensation is so addictive that the person may wind up actually doing what they0re doing for the sole purpose of feeling that sensation more than they0re actually invested in achieving the ob!ective goal of succeeding at what they0re doing.
2owever you word it, the end result is that the man becomes e4tremely impulsive. hen this happens, it becomes increasingly challenging for him to consciously come to e4ecutive mental decisions to stop going after what he0s identified as the source of his compulsive and impulsive drive.
%o you know what the key is to unlocking +verlasting ttraction towards you in a man is by now, right3
5ou0ve got to be able to induce that same hyper*driven feeling within him as described in the e4ample of the man who refuses to get up and leave the gambling table.
5ou0ve got to influence him in such a way that he is all but helpless to resist the relentless force of his own overactive pleasure hormones.
nd this can be achieved by one thing and one thing alone, which is9
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6o( have to t(rn *o(rself into a trigger of )leas(rable feelings in his mind.
-et0s take a look at another hypothetical scenario that you0re probably more than !ust a little bit familiar with. 2ave you ever seen a guy who is driven absolutely out of his mind by another girl, even though it didn0t really seem like that girl actually possessed any remarkable =ualities3
+ven though she wasn0t e4traordinarily smart or attractive, did you see that guy pursue her like he was a miner after the last piece of gold on the planet3
hy do you think this happens so often3
hat is it that he sees in her3
hat makes her so special that he has to pursue her for =ualities that you0re hard*press to understand if they even actually e4ist3
n order to understand e4actly what0s behind this seemingly ine4plicable scenario, we0ve got to think from within the mind of the man himself.
e have to take ourselves out of our shoes for a moment and 71
try to conceptuali)e what can seriously spark interest in this girl that we think is incredibly ordinary.
+ven though she may appear ordinary to us, in the mind of that specific man chasing her, she may as well be the =ueen of the universe.
n a psychological sense, chances are that she probably carries that e4act level of influence over him in his everyday life.
5ou must understand that when it comes to the way that we feel about our lives, every one of us is more or less living in our own separate universe.
&ne person0s influence on another person0s life can alter their entire sense of being, even if they have absolutely no impact on another person that0s close to whomever they0re influencing.
%o long as a woman is acting as a constant source of pleasure in a man0s universe, it doesn0t matter what she appears like to us on the inside 1 the impact levels that she has on us, compared to him, are entirely separate.
f you want to be able to achieve the same level of universe* consuming effect on a man that you0re interested in, then what you0re aspiring to goes a whole lot deeper than !ust what can be observed from seeing you and hearing you talk.
5our appearance and intelligence level certainly won0t hurt your 72
chances if they0re high, but the kind of influence that you can wield must transcend that.
hen you become a constant source of potential pleasure in his mind, then not only is he going to appreciate your high*value =ualities, but he0s also going to start caring a lot less about your flaws.
None of us are perfect, that much is certain, but when you have a man who is as driven to be with you as a gambling addict wants to win at the slot machine, you can consider it a total victory.
Now in order to get the man you desire to this level of desire for you, you0re going to need to employ some e4tremely well* tuned and weaponi)ed obsession phrases to get them on the path to wanting to invest in you more.
ny time that he thinks of you, you want him to be obsessing over the possibility of getting to actually see you in person.
hen you know what it takes in order to make a man fully dive into the +verlasting ttraction phases with you, all that he0s going to e4perience in regards to you are the feelings of love and e4citement.
2e0s going to want and need you more as he spends more time with you, never =uite acclimating to the rush of being in your immediate vicinity.
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t the end of the day, it0s going to be !ust like when a little kid craves love from his mother 1 when this happens, there are going to be two ama)ing things that occur as a result.
Ama@ing Thing 5(mber One + 6o( /ill become 1&& times more val(able in his /orld
%omething incredibly weird and yet very powerful all the same occurs when you manage to get a man to this stage of attraction towards you.
hen you become a legitimate source of e4tremely pleasurable feelings in his world, he0s going to start getting taken over by ancient instincts.
hen his ancient instincts fully awaken, he0s going to start feeling an e4tremely powerful inner drive to literally fight for you and protect you as if your life is his own life.
2e0s going to be so fi4ated on you that he sees his own internal well*being as something entirely interchangeable with his own, which will make him prioriti)e you on a level that no other woman can possibly match.
2e0s going to feel like you0re one hundred times more worthy of his attention than every other woman out there, based on how closely your own happiness and security are tied to his own personal feelings of happiness and security.
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n a sense, you could say that he0s going to start actually feeling emotionally hungry for your closeness.
f he0s not able to be around you for longer than he desires, he0s going to start getting physical pangs 1 this will be because you have become a source of legitimate fulfillment for him, and without you, he will be like a fish out of water. Ama@ing Thing 5(mber T/o + e /ill see )ermanentl* committing to *o( as the ne3t logical ste)
hen you get him to the stage of +verlasting ttraction, you won0t even need to think about actually asking him to commit to you.
2e0ll be so frightened at the prospect of losing you to another man that he0ll see no other recourse but to commit to you in order to prevent himself going mad with fear of you being claimed by someone else.
hen you0ve become a powerful source of fulfillment in his mind, he0s going to be driven to protect you as a dog protects his bone.
+ven if he0s actually already committed to you, you0ll still be able to notice an e4tremely dramatic shift in his level of attachment towards you if you can get him to the stage of +verlasting ttraction with the phrases we0re going to be covering.
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The most obvious sign that he0s been fully driven into this state will be if you ask him e4actly why he0s so driven to do so many things for you or protect you so fiercely, and he has trouble forming a clear e4planation.
ll he0ll know is that, for some reason, going to e4treme lengths to protect you and care for you !ust seems entirely right.
verlasting Attraction =hrases
Now that you0ve gotten a solid idea of !ust how powerful the art of arousing everlasting attraction is, it0s time to start going over what specific phrases can actually be used in order to start actually moving the man in that particular direction.
hen you0re using these phrases, remember that the core emotion within the man that you0re looking to arouse is his male +F&.
5ou are going to be directly appealing to the ancient components within him that compel him to be powerful provider that seeks out fulfillment from his mate that validates him in return for his strength and protection.
ith these phrases, you0re going to be both feeding his egoand validating him at the very same time. Do this correctly, and +verlasting ttraction will be achieved in no time flat.
2ere are some phrases you can use on him in your day to day 76
dealings9 “6o(
ma0e me feel so safe and loved than0 *o(.
simple phrase like this will appeal directly to the parts of him that are designed to make him a powerful and appreciated provider. 2is mission to protect you and keep you safe will be both rewarded and encouraged with a simple phrase such as this one. “(st
thin0ing of *o( brings a smile to m* face than0 *o( for being s(ch a s)ecial )resence in m* life.
This lets the man know that even when the two of you aren0t within the immediate vicinity of one another, you0re still thinking of him 1 conse=uently, this will lead to him thinking ofyou more often when the two of you aren0t around one another as well.
5ou are planting a seed of your affection for him within his mind that will remain rooted at all times. “'
love ho/ *o( 0ee) m* needs in mind even /hen ' don8t as0 *o( to. 6o(8re reall* s)ecial to me and ' B(st /anted to let *o( 0no/ that.
lot of men are a little bit unsure of whether or not their constant little efforts are really being appreciated by the people they do them for, but with a phrase like this, you are basically assuring him that he0s on the right track 1 this will encourage him to increase the pace at which he works to please you, due to the security of knowing he0s doing a good !ob. 77
“'
reall* li0e to have someone li0e *o( b* m* side.
hen you use a phrase like this, you0re letting him know that you see him as more than !ust a hot body that can be replaced 1 you0re e4pressing appreciation for him as an ally and life partner, which will strongly consolidate his security in you as someone who can reliably be committed to. “'8ve
never ever seen a man /ho 0no/s ho/ to 0ee) a /oman )leased as m(ch as *o( do. ' am so than0f(l to be aro(nd *o(.
This is a pure massage to the ego that !ust might make his whole day if you say it at the right time.
#en are not only prone to pushing themselves in order to feel worthy, but they0re also comparing themselves to other men in categories of physical shape, intelligence, salary, achievement, and the ability to satisfy women.
Telling him that he0s unusually good at pleasing women will give him a massive confidence boost in his idea of his place within male hierarchy. “'8ve
been /anting to tell *o( this b(t '8ve been the ha))iest since the da* '8ve met *o(. 6o( give me the best feeling in the /orld. Than0 *o( so m(ch for being there for me.
f he0s ever had any doubt about what his presence has ever meant to you, then this will assure him that every moment since the two of you have been together has contributed to an 78
overall pleasant e4perience.
2is doubts will practically melt away: “6o(8ve
been so good to me that sometimes ' don8t feel '
even deserve itE 6o(8re the best man ever than0 *o(.
&nce again, this is another powerful ego masseur.
-ots of men worry that their women may not be feeling like they0re getting all they truly deserve, but with this phrase, you basically guarantee that he knows you0re taking in the full value of everything he does for you 1 this is highly conducive to stirring up his enthusiasm to continue on working to please you. “Remember
the time /hen ' /as going thro(gh a ro(gh
)atch and *o( s())orted me all the /a* ' /ant to let *o( 0no/ that ' don8t thin0 an*one else /o(ld have stood b* me li0e *o( do. ' a))reciate *o( for it.
f there0s one thing that can trigger love more powerfully than showing others what we0re capable of at our best, it0s the ability to stick it out for another person they are at their absolute worst.
%omeone who stands by you when there are the most reasons ever to not be around you is always a keeper, and he may or may not know that 1 when you e4press !ust how much he stands out among everyone else for being there for you in your darkest hour, he will feel like he holds an e4tremely e4clusive and valuable place in your heart.
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=iecing it all together
5ou can definitely tweak these phrases to make them as relevant to you and your man as possible 1 !ust be sure to use at least one of these phrases a day in order to achieve ma4imum influence.
t won0t take very long before he starts to notice a shift in his emotions to a level that he may have never known before.
f there was anything previously holding him back, then after you0ve employed the full power of these phrases, he will be one hundred times more likely to view you as his potential soul mate.
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Cha)ter ! + The
$elieve it or not, the issue we had actually stemmed from a clash between our fundamental beliefs.
This woman was e4tremely adamant about one of her most predominant beliefs about the men of the world, and she was not about to hear anything contradict it.
%he was so firm in her belief that wouldn0t be surprised if you could open up her head and literally see the words stamped directly on top of the broadest part of her cerebral corte4 1 the words would read, 7 $+-+B+ T2T -&&K% #TT+( T& #+N.8
&ur argument got heated to a completely unprecedented level, and eventually, had no other choice than to cut her loose.
'rofessionalism is a virtue, but sometimes you need to watch out for your bodily well*being: nyway, it was actually =uite simple to understand the off*base nature of her logic.
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Despite how argumentative she got, actually arguing with her was not a comple4 matter 1 in all honesty, didn0t entirely disagree with her, but certainly didn0t place as much importance upon what she identified as the most important thing of all, and that made her incredibly irate with me.
s you probably remember from the earlier chapters, as mentioned multiple times, there is some value in appearances when it comes to attraction.
The issue, however 1 and cannot stress this enough 1 is when people get so incredibly caught up in the impact of their looks that they completely disregard every other aspect that could also carry some legitimate importance along with it.
-ooks are important, but the thing to remember is that they are not that important.
f you set yourself up to invest all of your points in nothing but looks, you are setting up to get knocked down. 'eriod.
To illustrate this !ust a little bit more clearly, let0s imagine a nice big beautiful piece of cake.
magine that it0s been immaculately topped with your favorite dessert topping 1 whipped cream, chocolate chips, anything that would bring it all together and make it perfect.
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Now that you0ve got the picture of that gorgeous dressed up nicely in your mental image, let0s classify its components 1 let0s say that the toppings and icing represent a person0s physical appearance, and that the actual cake itself represents the full inner value of a person in general.
The cream on top of the cake only represents about ?@ of the cake overall, and the remaining J@ is composed entirely of the actual main cake0s body itself.
+ven if the cream itself is tasty, there can only be so much en!oyment derived from eating the cake if J@ of every slice tastes absolutely awful.
5ou most likely understand !ust how much this applies to getting a man to appreciate you for the person you are.
f you want to attract a man and nothing more, then by all means, feel free to invest in your looks and leave it at that.
f you legitimately want to keep the man, however, then you0re going to have to learn how to invest in showing off more than what can !ust be grabbed and touched.
fter a man is done en!oying your physical =ualities and grows acclimated to them, if there0s nothing left for him to appreciate besides that, then what on +arth is going to compel him to actually stick around3
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The term that we0re going to refer to in order to describe the case in which a man no longer values you beyond your physicality is called 7Bisual $lur.8
e use the term Bisual $lur due to the fact that men who are attracted to a woman for only the things that are visually appealing are !ust about guaranteed to see them as less attractive and valuable as soon as they0ve gotten what they wanted.
The natural order of human nature dictates that we see the things we0re accustomed to as less valuable after they0ve been available to us for a long enough period of time.
%o naturally, this process of acclimation and devaluation is dramatically e4pedited when you only give the man an e4tremely limited number of swiftly depreciating reasons to remain within your company.
e0ve all observed the Bisual $lur phenomenon in one way or another over the course of our lives, and you can probably imagine about three different scenarios in your head right now that could illustrate ways in which it could completely dash the hopes of a woman who thought she had a man in the palm of her hands from day one.
0m not commanding you to care less about your looks than you currently do, but as this guide was written for your benefit, 0d be doing you a heavy disservice if didn0t make sure to provide 84
an ample warning of what you could be bringing upon yourself if you neglected to pay attention to the things that truly matter.
/or your own benefit, 0m going to tell you e4actly what told that argumentative former client of mine that had to cut off, and you must take as you will6 No matter how pretty you are, there will come a point at which a man you are seeing will no longer be as impressed by your looks as he was when he saw you for the very first time.
f a man only ever saw you as attractive because of what you looked like on the outside, then as time goes on, there will be a steady decline in the amount that he values you as a partner overall.
This goes without even considering possible fluctuations that may very well occur in the form of sickness, in!ury, diet or even your temporary physical absence.
f all you have to bank on for the survival of your relationship is your looks, then you are in for a world of disappointment.
%o you might be thinking right now that the obvious solution to avoiding this regrettable circumstance is to reveal all of your pleasant innermost =ualities instead of focusing on what0s only on the outside, and while that may not necessarily be a bad way to go about things, it0s not going to be the focus of this particular chapter.
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Do you remember what mentioned in the previous chapter about the truth of what constructs everlasting attraction3
5ou might recall that one of the particular phrases suggested as an e4ample of how to create everlasting attraction was based on the fact that the strongest couples are generally composed of people who don0t only know each other0sbest =ualities, but are also comfortable with each other0s worst as well.
The reason 0m mentioning that now is this6 in order to con=uer the central relationship phase covered by this chapter, the hi) $ang phase, you0re going to need to learn how to effectively reveal all of your imperfections.
n short, the foundation of hi)*$ang phrases is to be more vulnerable around a man.
5ou must never underestimate the raw influence that vulnerability can have on a man that you0re interested in.
f you tactfully e4hibit your weaknesses, you0ll be awakening the ancient motivation inside of him to protect you and care for you as a provider and hunter 1 this can all be accomplished with the use of what like to call 7hi) $ang8 phrases. Now when you0re using whi) bang phrases, you need to be certain of the fact that you0re capitali)ing upon weaknesses of yours that actually do e4ist. 86
t0s all fine and well to want to attract a man by showing that you0re not allergic to his help, but at the same time, it0s not attractive at all to try going about it by going out of your way to seem helpless all of the time.
ith these hi) $ang phrases, what you0ll essentially be doing is making sure that you can e4hibit a genuine need for help now and then without coming across as needy or codependent.
man doesn0t want to have to take on the role as your father or caretaker, but at the same time, he instinctively wants to use his strength to help you out when you0re on your weaker side.
The main draw to a woman who can tactfully demonstrate her weakness is the sense of security and emotional maturity that accompanies it.
0ve scarcely ever met a man who wants to stay with a girl who throws a tantrum every time she can0t reach a !ar of !elly up on the high shelf, but do know that men have appreciated me being unafraid to e4hibit that would honestly appreciate their assistance.
The truest of connections occurs when a man and woman are completely at peace with each other0s strengths and faults, but understandably, people are a little bit more insecure with the latter than they are with the former.
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hi) $ang phrases allow you an easier way to approach the difficult task of owning up to things that you might be !ust a little bit nervous about mentioning openly.
hen you0ve shown that you0re unafraid of opening up about the things that make you feel slightly weak or afraid, you0ll be showing that you0re open to a higher level of inner e4posure to a man.
This will be conducive to a much stronger mental connection between the two of you, and one that physical appearances alone cannot possibly hope to compensate for.
f the two of you are too afraid to open up about your insecurities and limits, then it will be impossible to build a truly legitimate connection with one another.
2ave you ever felt like there was !ust some sort of invisible barrier between you and the man you were interested in3
'erhaps there wasn0t necessarily a barrier, but did you ever perhaps feel that something !ust felt out of place between you and a man you were with3
'erhaps when you got this feeling that something between the two of you was missing, you felt like the solution was to say or do something to connect better, and it didn0t e4actly turn out like you planned.
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Did the reason for that failure perhaps stem from the fact you weren0t =uite as open with him as you could have been3
There0s no concrete way to tell whether or not the problem necessarily stems from a lack of connectivity, but one thing you can be sure of is that you0re not going to behurting your chances by being as open and honest about your limitations as possible.
can almost guarantee that if you completely e4press yourself, without fearing his !udgment, you0ll be better off than if you held it back for the fear of how it would be received.
%o you may understandably be wondering right now, how can you most effectively e4press the full e4tent of your fears and weaknesses in a way that makes a man cherish you as his precious treasure instead of driving him away3
2ow can you ensure his unconditional protection and care3
The only way that you0ll be able to pull this off is by being brutally honest about all of your deepest feelings, and that0s where the power of hi) $ang phrase truly shines.
-et me share some of these 7hi)*$ang8 phrases to make things !ust a little bit more clear 5ou can say these to him in your day to day dealings9
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“ricE
' am not going to hide the /orld seems so )erfect /hen ' have *o( b* m* side. ' don8t 0no/ if *o( feel the same /a* abo(t me or not b(t ' /ant to let *o( 0no/ that *o(8re reall* s)ecial to me. That8s all.
t doesn0t get much more raw and real than this.
There0s a lot of couples in the world in which one person is afraid of letting their partner know the full e4tent of their deepest feelings when things are going well, but with something like this, there is absolutely no chance of that being a serious problem with the two of you.
t0s simple, it0s honest, and most importantly, it cuts right to the point as well. sentence like this lets him know e4actly what he needs to know, briefly, and it hits with more impact than an hour*long speech. “ric
' /ant to be honest /ith *o( toda*.
Now this is where we start cutting into what 0ve been mentioning about being comfortable with e4hibiting what some 90
people might be afraid of doing for the fear of showing weakness 1 if you do this properly, however, you won0t need to worry one bit about coming off as needy or clingy.
(emember what we mentioned in the previous chapter about the importance of knowing how to most effectively stroke the male ego so that he feels appreciated when he most needs it3
This phrase here is an effective way to accomplish e4actly that.
5ou0ll essentially be showing your man both that you are comfortable with admitting some insecurities you0ve had, while at the same time, complimenting him on her merit as a man.
$y going into detail about how much you love the feeling of having his arms around you, you0re also creating the powerful kind of mental image that we covered in detail near the beginning of this guide.
ith a strong mental image consolidated in his mind, he0ll have ma4imum imagery to associate with the e4pression of your full emotions. “ric
' have to confess something. ' lose m*self /hen ' am aro(nd *o(. ' get need* for *o(r love and ' am not ashamed to admit it. ' do get Bealo(s /hen other girls stare at *o(. ' long to have *o( love me adore me F cherish me and ' do (nderstand that8s an (nrealistic e3)ectation. ?(t ' B(st /anted to honestl* share m* 91
feelings /ith *o( toda*. Than0s for being s(ch a Bo* for me.
Now this phrase right here represents the full e4tent of the power that0s to be found in e4pressing vulnerability for your man0s attention.
dmitting that you completely lose yourself when he0s around you takes an absolutely monumental amount of security, but if you can accomplish that, you0ll have accomplished one of the greatest feats of honesty possible in a relationship.
lot of women try to cover up the fact that they feel anything when their men are around other women, but with this phrase, you0re going to take things complete in the other direction.
$y admitting that you do feel something when other women are in your man0s life, you0re addressing something very real and sensitive about the nature of commitment.
5our man knowing that you do get a bit !ealous when he0s around other man will actually satisfy the part of him that wants to be reassured of the fact that the you still feel a spark for him.
f you can show him that your !ealously comes from a place of attraction from him and not !ust bitterness, he0ll find it a lot easier to commit to you.
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hen women attack their men for getting attention from other women instead of !ust honestly e4pressing that they0re a little bit !ealous, that0s when the ground is laid for pointless fights.
hen you lay your feelings of !ealously and admiration out on the table, however, he0ll be thinking of you every time another woman e4presses interest in him. “6o(
0no/ ric *o( might not 0no/ this abo(t me b(t '8m a s(c0er for affection.
This is yet another e4ercise in art of not being afraid to admit things that !ust about every committed woman in the world feels every now and then. nstead of trying to wait for your man to show you affection in the right way, you can instead !ust come out right with it and tell him that you love it when he pays special attention to you. 5ou0ve got to let him know that not only are you a person who is honestly and fully addicted to the feeling of being loved, but also that you are specifically captivated by his way of e4pressing love for you.
Couples will sometimes spend years !ust waiting for one another to pick up on the fact that they love being loved, but you can take care of that with this phrase instantly.
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“'
0no/ that ' might seem a little too eager and even des)erate to *o( b(t ' B(st /ant *o( to 0no/ that '8m a little /ea0 /hen it comes to matters of the heart and '8ll love *o( no matter /here things go in the f(t(re.
%howing that you0re aware of how you might be coming off as a tiny bit eager or desperate will not only be liberating for you, but also put him at ease by showing that you0re conscious of the possible pitfalls of being overly attached. 5ou will be e4hibiting a mature awareness of what it means to be codependent, and at the same time, a full consciousness of your own feelings and how important he is to you as a person.
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Cha)ter # + Attraction S)inner =hrases. “Can
un*sleep with him38 ;ennifer asked me with an e4tremely
worried and slightly desperate e4pression on her face. “No,
you can0t, ;ennifer.8 replied in a very strict tone. There was no point covering up the blade in cotton, had to cut down her misunderstandings for her own good.
"nfortunately, ;ennifer0s hurt feelings !ust weren0t going to make it easy for either of us to cut right down to the root of what her problem was. “$ut9
wanted him to like me. wanted him to appreciate me, adore me, and more importantly love me.8
t was a painful thing to witness, but could tell that ;ennifer mostly got it at this point 1 she was !ust coming to terms with it. “-ook,
;ennifer, understand e4actly what you0re going through, but feelings !ust don0t have eyes.8 said to her. %he looked up at me after said this, and could make out a clearly confused and pu))led e4pression behind her puffy eyes. “hat
do you mean38 %he asked me.
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f you0ve been paying attention so far, thenyou know e4actly what meant by what said to ;ennifer.
/eelings are completely blind. hen a man gets invested in you because of what he can see and touch and nothing else, then he may very well be under the influence of a lot of things, but legitimate feelings are definitely not likely to be one of them.
man cannot !ust look at you or me and then make an e4ecutive decision, right then and there, to feel everything that makes him want to commit to you for the rest of his life.
f a man really wants to be with you, then it0s going to come from a place in heart that he0s going to find e4tremely difficult to fully e4plain. #en are capable of many things, but one thing that no man in history has actually been able to do is look at a woman and think to themselves 1 7&kay: Today, am going to be allured, charmed, and seduced by this particular woman.8
That0s !ust not how it works or ever has worked.
Now when ;ennifer heard this, she naturally wasn0t very happy about it. The first thing that she did was !ump right on up to her feet like something had possessed her.
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There was a glint in her eyes that can only be created in the most spectacular moments of human fury, when mental floodgates come crashing down and the full wrath of +ros spills out into the ether with reckless abandon.
n short, ;ennifer was pretty mad. “re
you saying that there0s no hope at all for me then3 0m !ust going to be a one*night deal to him and that0s it38 %he asked:
was attempting to re*dam the broken seal of rage, and had to act =uickly lest my office get totally obliterated in seconds. “There
is hope, ;ennifer. %it back down and !ust let me finish my sentence.8 ;ennifer sat back down, crisis !ust barely averted. asked her to take a deep breath and to listen to my ne4t words as carefully as possible.
f you want to understand anything about the ways that men foster and build up legitimate attraction for women, then the first thing you need to understand is that is a constant process.
+very second that a man is around you, his mind is observing you like a panoptic eye and coming to multiple conclusions at a rapid pace 1 they may not all be conclusions that he holds onto, but they are conclusions all the same, and they carry a real 97
amount of influence regarding the way that he thinks of you.
t this point you already know what a scientific process it is when a man is overcome by feelings of true attraction towards you.
hen he0s getting a real sense of pleasure from being around you, his body is going to be charging him up with a series of chemical reactions that compel him to chase after you.
2is heart will race and identify you as the ac=uisition he needs in order to calm it down.
The inverse of the attraction reaction is true as well. hen a man is feeling put off by you, then thoughts of you are going to make him feel dull, tired, and agitated. 2e0s going to be literally getting slowed down on a molecular level in order to avoid going after you in any way.
Now here0s the serious kicker to this relatively simple truth of the matter9
ll of these physiological changes are affected directly by a dedicated emotion processing mechanism in his brain called the amygdala.
The amygdala regulates all of his natural fight or flight mechanisms, and a woman has the power to remotely control 98
this mental component of his in order to get him to either spark into action or head for the hills.
hen you learn how to influence the amygdala, you will possess the power to get a man to legitimately do !ust about anything in the world that you want to influence him to do 1 you could even get him to see you as more than as casual fling if the two of you have already hooked up !ust a little bit prematurely.
That0s right 1 even if you0ve already slept with a guy, some tactful influence on his amygdala can still result in him feeling that he0s the right one for you.
hile he may initially be less able than he used to be to feel strong feelings for you, after employing some amygdala influence techni=ues, you can bring him back to s=uare ? and far beyond that.
"nfortunately, unlike what ;ennifer may have hoped for, you cannot literally un*sleep with a man once the deed has already been done 1 fortunately, however, you don0t actuallyhave to un*sleep with a guy in order to bring him back to the point at which he0s more likely to e4perience legitimate feelings for you once again.
&nce you learn how to point his amygdala in the right direction, you can put all of your fears about him devaluing you after se4 to bed 1 the principal issue here is, then, how e4actly do you pull this off3
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order to achieve this considerable feat, what you0ve got to do is make it so that you have a firm grip on the man0s 7emotional temperature8.
+motional temperature is e4actly what it sounds like. 5ou0re going to learn how to effectively tune up the intensity of all of the inner emotions that the man is feeling in order to get him to the point at which he0s like an over*boiling teapot of emotions.
hat we0re doing here is nothing more than an e4ercise in pure physiology.
The more intense his emotions are in relation to you, the more that his own body is going to be forcing him to take actions that are conducive to chasing you down and being with you. -et0s !ust think about this critically for a moment 1 where do you think all of these romantic feelings come from in the very first place3
The emotions we e4perience that lead us to love are mi4ed between happiness and anger, but what is the source of those things in the very first place3
The truth is that before those emotions can even e4ist, there has to be a physiological chain reaction that occurs at a molecular level 1 when you stir up his emotions in order to get him to feel something more for you, the power of science is on your side. 100
2e will be !ust about physically incapable of not feeling intense attraction and love towards you if you have what it takes to send his amygdala into overdrive on a whim.
2e will be at a loss to describe e4actly what it is that draws him to you so powerfully, and yet at the same time, there will be no doubt in his mind that you are his ultimate mission.
f you really want to be able to benefit from his overclocked emotions, then your ob!ective should be to aim for as much variety in emotions as possible.
5ou don0t !ust want to focus on overloading him with anger or happiness 1 instead, you should be aiming to give him a mi4ed cocktail of emotions that will keep his amygdala active and guessing at all times.
Think of it in terms of the metabolism. f you take in a steady and consistent amount of calories every single day, rarely ever going off by even one, then your metabolism is going to regulate to that calorie level and learn that it doesn0t need to be as active.
f you constantly mi4 your diet up between days in which you eat lightly and days in which you eat heavily, though, your metabolism will constantly be kicked into high activity.
The variety in the chemistry of your mi4ed emotional cocktail will be the key to creating a more powerful chemistry between 101
the two of you.
Can you even imagine !ust how much more involved and intimate this is than a man !ust thinking that you look kind of hot3
ny man can feel physically attracted to something that resembles the kind of body he likes 1 even a picture on a screen or a piece of paper can accomplish that:
f you really want to lead him to a level of attraction towards you that makes him unable to place his finger on e4actly why he0s so draw towards you, then you0ve got to step up your game when it comes to triggering his emotions.
%o how are you going to be able to trigger these emotions to the best of your ability3 0ve made it easy for you by providing some very powerful tools for this task that call 7ttraction %pinner 'hrases.8
Consider the power of these phrases to be based in the power of 7'ush*'ull8 theory 1 it basically goes to say that it0s always more effective to get something or someone tocome to you rather than trying to force whatever you have onto them.
hen you try to push, whatever you0re pushing immediately comes off as highly accessible and much less desirable.
hen you0re mastered the art of pull, however, the target 102
approaches you under the presumption that whatever you have to offer is inherently e4treme valuable and somewhat e4clusive.
ith the 'ush*'ull theory in play here, what you0re basically going to be doing is making it so that you pull and then push.
5ou are going to pull the man towards you, but as soon as he gets close enough, you are going to push him away.
2is emotional temperature is likely to skyrocket when you do this. hile it will undoubtedly be a very weird thing for him to e4perience firsthand, he0s going to find himself start to develop feelings of attraction towards you that you might have never even thought possible before.
2ere are of some of my favorite ttraction %pinner 'hrases that you can use today9 “ric
altho(gh ' reall* enBo* /hat /e share c(rrentl* ' thin0 event(all* this needs to sto). ' mean ' don8t /ant things getting too intense bet/een (s.
This is a complete double*whammy to the man0s feelings that will leave him reeling in the e4act kind of way that we want.
&n one end you are e4pressing that you do en!oy his company when he0s around pull, but at the same time, you0re telling him that pursuing anything more serious may not be the best idea push.
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hen a man gets hit by a whammy like this, the stage will be perfectly set for him to become e4tremely emotionally active. The thrill of the chase that he e4periences from going after you will no longer be based entirely on se4, if it ever was before.
5ou0ll have brought him to a point at which both his logical brain and emotional brain are being e=ually stimulated and compelling him to come after you. “'
feel reall* good /hen /e do this b(t latel* '8ve been getting mi3ed feelings.
This is essentially a softened version of the first ttraction %pinner phrase, but it accomplishes the same effect in its own way.
nstead of it outright slamming him with a double whammy of appreciation and re!ection, in this phrase, you0re instead implying that there0s some uncertainty in your heart about whether or not what the two of you are going through is completely right.
(ather than !ust putting your uncertainty out there right in front of him, you0re instead leading him down the path of understanding that while you0re attracted to him, there is the very real chance of you pushing him away. hen he comes to the reali)ation that things between the two of you really aren0t a sure thing, his own an4iety is going to fuel his emotional cocktail and spur him to act proactively in order 104
to keep you by his side.
n a sense, the relative ambiguity of this phrase helps establish an even stronger effect by leaving him at the mercy of his own uncertainty as to what the meaning of what you0re saying is. “ric
altho(gh *o(8re an ama@ing man b(t ' am starting to feel a little friction F it ma0es me feel /eird. Sorr*E ?(t can /e )lease ta0e a brea0 from this
Now once again, with this phrase, you aren0t outright re!ecting him but you are definitely throwing a corkscrew into the mi4 that0s going to take him out of any comfort )one he had in his perception of a relationship between the two of you.
t0s fine and well for a man to feel comfortable with you and appreciated by you, but at thesosame time, you cannot let things get to the point at which he0s comfortable with you that he actually becomes complacent in his feelings, which will eventually kill the attraction.
hen you say that you0d like to take a break, you are pushing him away with the hanging implication that it !ust might be permanent.
This immediately follows you telling him that you think he0s an incredible beforebetween saying that you0ve got a bad feeling about the man chemistry the two of you.
t0s a powerful, understated double*whammy that gets under his skin by virtue of its ambiguity. 105
“ric
both of (s /anted to 0ee) it strictl* se3(al b(t ' feel that things are getting too intense bet/een (s. Can /e )lease ta0e a brea0 ' don8t /ant to get too dee) into this.
Now this is an e4tremely meta ttraction %pinner that he0s highly unlikely to see coming.
#en are more or less aware of the fact that certain women are less receptive to strictly se4ual relationships than others, but very few of them are ever prepared for a woman to outright admit that she only ever wanted to keep things physical.
&n top of that, even when he gets over the impact of your outright honesty at a se4ual relationship, he0s going to be blown away yet again by your admission to feeling that things are getting too intimate between the two of you.
2e0ll likely e4pect you to want things to be more emotional by default, and so with this, you shatter the shelter of his illusions and send his high*octane emotions into overdrive.
&nce again, you highlight your uncertainty about the nature of the relationship by saying that you0d like to take a break.
This is so that there0s no concrete implication that you want things to be over forever, which acts as apull, but still definitely functions as a powerful push that will challenge him.
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“ric
/e8re doing too m(ch of this latel* can /e )lease slo/ do/n a little 6o(8ve started treating me li0e *o(r girlfriend.
f things between him and you have been progressing at a rate that led him to believe that things were legitimately getting serious between the two of you, then this phrase right here is going to send him for one of the grandest loops that ttraction %pinner phrases are capable of creating.
f he ever thought that things between you were a sure deal, then outright stating that you think you0re too close to seeming like his girlfriend will be enough to make him start seriously wondering what the difference between right and left is.
The push component of this ttraction %pinner isn0t as overtly strong as the others, but seeing as it0s to be used on a man that believes the two of you are more or less already in a relationship, it still serves its purpose handily. “ric
' enBo* the )h*sical moments /e s)end together b(t ' thin0 *o( are starting to ta0e it too serio(sl* can /e )lease slo/ do/n a bit
%imply telling a man to slow down, sometimes, can be enough to get him to start panicking about whether or not you0re legitimately into him anymore or not.
#en love to put on a front of security and confidence, but beneath it all, their amygdala is constantly making them afraid of !ust about anything related to female approval that they0re not one hundred percent certain of. 107
$y directly mentioning the physicality aspect of the relationship, you will prevent him from making the false assumption that the best way to get things back on track with you is to be more se4ual.
hen faced with a statement like this, the man is going to be faced with the reality that the only way he0s going to be able to claim you is if you approaches you on a level that isn0t e4plicitly physical.
+ven though you0re indirectly instructing him to care more about the deeper things, you aren0t denying that you en!oy the physical aspects either 1 this ttraction %pinner is both an e4ercise in emotional stimulation and honesty.
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Cha)ter % + Obe* e =hrases 2ave you ever found yourself actually trying to control your man in some way, shape or form3 f you0ve ever tried to control your man, then you0re not alone. ;ust about every committed woman in the world, at some point, makes an effort to control the way that her man is thinking or acting in some way, shape or form. t may seem like a bit of a stretch for me to make a statement like this, but here me out, 0ve dealt with many women who have come to me as clients, e4pressing a want for something they desire from their man that they !ust aren0t getting. The thing that they0re after could be anything from love, to attention, to perhaps even !ust being a tad bit more interested in a backyard pro!ect that she happens to be working on. hatever the thing in particular is that these women want in particular, they are often left thinking to themselves,if only. If only he would spend more time with me, they think. If only he would !ust show me that he loved me a little bit more, they think. If only he would !ust tell me that he loves me more than he already does, they think. If only he would !ust stop being a la)y bum and get off the 109
couch !ust once a year, they pray. e could go over the list of possible 7if only80 statements for several calendar years if we really wanted to, but at the end of the day, all that really matters is that you understand !ust how common it is for a woman to !ust wish something about her man could be manually ad!usted for the better. %omething else that you should understand is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with desiring !ust a little bit more from your relationship than you already have 1 that0s completely natural. hat you truly need to be concerned with is the way that you choose to go about approaching your man in order to achieve that ob!ective that you have in mind. lot of women think that the answer to getting their man to adopt a certain kind of behavior is as simple as !ust being as nice to him as possible, and while this may not necessarily be wrong, it0s very rare that this approach actually works. hat these women e4pect is that if they0re nice enough to their men over an e4tended period in time, their men will eventually notice it and return the favor in kind sooner than later. hile these intentions are innocent enough, what often winds up happening when these women don0t get what they0re after right away is that they0ll fly off completely in the opposite direction 1 they0ll resort to bitter nagging, insulting, even worse, outright manipulation to try and deceive theirand man into getting what they want. The more aggressive methods may in fact wind up being 110
successful every now and then, but their effects are rarely ever actually permanent. t the end of the day, the women who use these dishonest methods will !ust wind up feeling e4tremely frustrated and burned out at the results. 5ou can really only press a man so far before he starts to sense that he0s being pushed and decides to push back. There are few things that people hate more than the sense that someone else is actively trying to control their behavior, and so when a man catches onto a woman trying to do this to him, almost nothing can destroy the relationship more swiftly. 2ere0s the deal 1 you can very well get your man to do the things that you want him to do, but attempting to manipulate him into doing it is never the answer. The best way to go about getting satisfied is to lead your man in the direction of doing what0s in line with your desires while influencing him in such a way that he thinks it was all his idea. +ven if sounds like it0s a little bit sneaky, you needn0t worry yourself 1 all that you0ll be doing is finding a more cohesive, effective, and non*offensive way to get your relationship needs met on a day*to*day basis. Now before we really break into the most effective ways to accomplish e4actly what 0m talking about here, we have to clarify !ust e4actly why going about things in this way is e4actly what you need. The key reason that you need to go about things in this manner 111
is due to the fact that there are only two key ways that a man can be motivated to do something6 A man can be motivated in a negative /a* or in a )ositive /a*.
hen you want your man to do something for you, then you0re going to need to motivate him on a level that matters. The ways in which a man can be motivated most powerfully are the super*negative and the super*positive spectrums 1 we0re going to be diving into the art of accomplishing things in the positive way. hen you try to deceive your man into acting in the way you0d like through deception, nagging or coercion, you0re negatively charging him up 1 this is e4actly what we0d like to try avoiding if there0s any way that we can help it. 'ositive motivation, which is going to be the thing that we focus on most intensely here, is the opposite of negative motivation, and that0s why we0re going to be focusing on it so intensely. hen a man is e4periencing the full e4tent of his most positive emotions, he0s going to be liable to see the brighter side of !ust about anything that you desire him to do for you. 2e0s going to follow through on the things that you suggest to him due to them all seeming like a genuine act of pleasure and not !ust a command. hen your man has come to associate all of the things that you ask of him as acts of pleasure and not !ust commands, he0ll need to be motivated less and less in the future. 112
5ou0re not going to be e4periencing even the slightest bit of doubt or friction from him if you0re able to effectively arouse nothing but the most positive emotions from deep within his heart.
&ver time, he0swash going to start feelingtime a wave of positive reinforcement over him every he does something that0s congruent with your general wishes 1 the best way to describe a scenario such as this is a genuine win*win situation. bove all else, you need to understand that the feelings we have on a day*to*day basis are the things that drive our ambition. e seek out all of the things that we0ve come to associate with feelings of pleasure and satisfaction. &n the other hand, anything that gives us pain is something that we are wired to avoid at all costs. %o what do we call this techni=ue that centers around ma4imi)ing pleasure and minimi)ing displeasure3 The name we use to refer to this is the 7ndirect*Direct8 techni=ue. ith the power of the ndirect*Direct techni=ue, you0re basically going to put the odds in your favor when it comes to getting what you desire from your relationship. n the arena that we0ll create, you0re going to essentially have your man identify what you desire as the best possible decision, without having to nag or argue even once. The formula can be effectively broken down to this6 113
6o(r s(ggestion G A strong reason H<6 G o)tional benefit I =ers(asion
This formula can be broken down into three phases. t will be three steps that can be followed through !ust as easily as your everyday instruction booklet. The steps are organi)ed as follows6 ?. llustrate e4actly what it is that you0d like him to do, with a suggestion. A. 'rovide strong reasons why doing what you0d like him to is a wise plan of action. E. %how him a benefit that he would gain should he follow through with your re=uest fully. ith nothing more than this basic and highly effective formula, you can essentially ensure that your man does e4actly what you want him to with almost no delay. 2ere0s a simple e4ample to illustrate e4actly why this three*step process works as effectively as it does. Now let0s !ust imagine for a moment that you0d like your man to !ust take you out somewhere nice to eat for a change. 5ou could !ust outright ask him to take you out to eat and leave it at that, but chances are that it0s not going to be e4tremely likely to work the way that you wanted it to.
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Now let0s imagine an alternate route in which youdon’t !ust hope for him to say yes to your re=uest. n this more proactive approach, you could simply say something like 172oney, 0m e4tremely tired today and don0t really feel like cooking. Do you mind if we eat out tonight3 &h and by the here.8 way, 0ve already got a L@ off coupon for Minsert restaurant Now let0s !ust take a moment to appreciate the differences in going about asking your man to take you out to eat in the way we0ve !ust illustrated, instead of !ust up and asking him without anything else added to the re=uest. /or one, !ust take a moment to appreciate the power of the second line 1 it0s much more powerful because you0ve illustrated the fact that you0re already got a coupon ready for the occasion. The reason that this techni=ue !ust so happens to work as well as it does is due to the fact that it0s actually augmented by a valid reason and not !ust your own re=uest left alone. %tatistically, humans are about ten times more likely to go through with a re=uest when they0ve been given a legitimately valid reason to follow through with it. hen we0re !ust asked to do something for the sake of obeying the whim of another person, we0re going to be e4tremely loath to do it if that person doesn0t outright force us to or doesn0t possess some e4treme kind of over*arching authority. e don0t appreciate being told to do something without a reason due to the fact that it !ust brims with the implication 115
that whoever made the re=uest is only doing it in order to control us or, even yet more offensively, separate us from our right to our own free will. hen we simply provide a strong reason why a person should do what we ask, the person that we ask is going to be far more likely to independently rationali)e why going through with the re=uest is the best course of action that they could elect to follow through with. &ne of the main things that a person considers when being told to do something is what0s in it for them if they agree to ac=uiesce to the re=uest. $y using the above techni=ue, you essentially guarantee that the man0s =uestion of what’s in it for me is already answered before he even has a chance to ask it himself. hat you0re essentially doing is eliminating the ob!ection before it can even arise, and after that happens, you have what is essentially a straightaway path to e4actly what it is that you0re after. Now it doesn0t take a great deal of critical thought in order to understand e4actly why it0s so effective add an optional benefit into the mi4 when you0re using a techni=ue like this 1 it0s truly like a no*brainer when you get right down to it. -et0s take another look back to the e4ample provided before, in which asked you to imagine that you wanted to find out a way to make your man more likely to take you out somewhere nice to eat once and while. 5ou0ll recall that the second line in the hypothetical phrase e4ample mentioned having a L@*off coupon ready to go for the restaurant of your choice, immediately after e4pressing 116
your desire to your man to go somewhere nice. %ince the L@ discount coupon immediately lets your man know that he0ll benefit from saving money if he goes along with what you desire, he won0t be wondering 7what0s in it for me8 after you0ve made your desire to be taken to the restaurant known. Now of course you must be aware, the optional benefit step is not always one hundred percent necessary in order to see the ndirect*Direct techni=ue succeed. s a matter of fact, there may very well be some case scenarios in which you don0t actually have to mention any benefits at all in order to get the man to go along with whatever your particular desire may be. f you simply provide an e4tremely strong reason to go along with your re=uest, then it may not even be necessary to mention any additional benefit after you0ve made your desire known. 2ere0s an e4ample of a little something that you might be able to do in order to make it so you can still have your re=uest gone along with, without necessarily even having to mention any kind of e4tra benefit after you0ve made your particular re=uest. -et0s say that you0d really like your man to start calling you a lot more often he currently your very first instinct may be to say than something to the does effect1of, “2oney, can you please call me daily instead of once or twice a week38 Now while there certainly isn0t anything inherently wrong with 117
voicing your concern in that particular fashion, but there0s definitely a more persuasive way that you could go about making your desire known. nstead of !ust asking him to call you more often at a specific time that your e4plicitly indicate, you could make things a little more effective by going thewhy e4tra andbe illustrating anmore e4tremely powerful reason hemile should calling you often in the very first place. /or instance, you could try asking it in a way such as6 “2oney,
can we please talk daily on the phone because, hearing from you, makes me feel really good, and 0d love to hear from you every single day if it0s okay with you.8 Now doesn0t that seriously sound a whole lot more powerful than !ust behind it3asking him to call you without offering anything else &f course a man who is right for you will already be more or less inclined to call you on a regular basis, but we0re only human, and sometimes we might forget the more important things. f you want to steer him further in the direction of not forgetting to call you on a fre=uent basis, you help your case by not making it sounds like a chore. Now you may or may not have noticed this right away, but did you take note of how the second part of the sentence cued your man in on a hidden benefit3
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ith that single sentence, you have all three parts of the ndirect*Direct formula working powerfully in your favor. This techni=ue is anything but something that only works on men that you0re in a committed relationship with. 5ou could use this techni=ue in your day*to*day conversations with everyone that you come across, and 0ve prepared a few e4amples in order to illustrate !ust how easy it can be. Normal (e=uest
fter applying the formula
“2oney,
“2oney,
can you please help me clean the house38
can you please help me clean the house today, as 0ve been working since the last E hours, and don0t think can do it all on my own38
Can you please pick me up Can you pick me up from work from work today as it0s been today3 =uite some time since we0ve gone out together3 #aybe we could go to your favorite restaurant as well.
ould you come to my friend0s #y friend is throwing a party party3
ne4t week, and 0d love to take you there. want all my friends to finally see how great my boyfriend truly is. Can you please hold me for a 119
Can you please hold me for a while3
Can we please talk a little longer3
while3 !ust feel an ama)ing sense of calm, and security when you hold me. t0 something !ust can0t e4plain.
Can we please talk work a little longer3 0m having related issues, and talking to you makes me feel better.
$y now you0ve probably got more than solid idea of e4actly why this techni=ue works as well as it does, but you might understandably be wondering 1 hat should do if he still says no to my re=uest after 0ve asked him nicely and offered benefits3
5our first ob!ective should be to remain as calm as possible and refrain from pushing further. fter you0ve kept your cool, you need to take inventory of any rational reasons you can think of as to why it didn0t work out in the way you had hoped 1 here0s a =uick list of some possible reasons. 1. 6o(r re(est /as (nreasonable
&f course it would be absolutely lovely if your man dedicated all of his free time to thinking of ways to please you better, but he0s human and needs his own space !ust like the rest of us. There may not be an ob!ective measure of what is and isn0t reasonable, but make sure you consider his rights when you think of the re=uest. 120
2. 'm)ro)er timing
Timing is of the utmost important when it comes to having him be the most considerate of your re=uest. hether he had a good day or a bad day could be the difference between a Oyes0 or a Ono0. f he0s got a huge day ahead of him, it would be wise to refrain from issuing random re=uests. . >oing against *o(r basest instincts abo(t /hat he /ill and /on8t do
t is absolutely imperative that you always remain one hundred percent aware of all of your man0s personal boundaries and limits before you even consider making a re=uest of him. f you know that your man is !ust personally not inclined to do a certain think as a principle of who he is, even if it seems insignificant to you, it would be wise to not try to push him into it 1 this will backfire frighteningly =uickly. Now what we0ve covered the basic components of the ndirect* Direct method and all of the other sensible concepts, it0s time to crack into a new concept in the ne4t chapter that you !ust might find a little bit unconventional:
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Cha)ter $ + motional Trans)arenc* =hrases. 2ave you ever been in the company of man who !ust seems to appear as though he was born with an inability to e4press his feelings3 Did it seem as if he was incapable of e4pressing how he felt about the most important things in his life3 s discouraging as it may be, a lot of men out there are suffering from stunted emotional maturity that renders them highly incapable of being in touch with their own feelings 1 it doesn0t mean that they don0t have their feelings, but at the same time, their emotional challenges can be troublesome when it makes them keep vital things hidden from you. +ver since we established our very first societies and organi)ed cultures, men have been groomed for the fulfillment of certain roles6 organi)ers, leaders, providers, warriors, hunters, fathers, and providers. #en have had so many power*central e4pectations levied upon them for so many years that, in today0s world, an emotionally open man is an e4tremely rare thing. hen faced with the thought of revealing those emotions that they0re so accustomed to keeping locked up inside at all times, many men0s very first course of action is to keep those Oweaker0 emotions sealed up inside an airtight locker where they hope they can0t be perceived.
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5ou can blame it on our ancestors if you want, but at the end of the day, there0s no point in trying to deny the effects of history. The weapons men use to defend the mighty male ego are stubborn and heavy tools indeed, and so it will take nothing short of a great deal of work or very good strategy to bypass them 1 that0s why 0m here to provide you with a solution: lot of men were raised in order to e4hibit higher degrees of strength and emotional stability, while other men were raised in order to recogni)e the fullest e4tent of what it means to be a provider for the rest of the clan. The man0s historically different standards that he was held to cannot be disregarded, and the effect that it had on most men0s emotional behavior will be the main focus of this chapter. &ur history as the human race sings the praises of men who led hundreds of under*armed soldiers against thousands of the better*armed masses, heads raised high in spite of the threat of destruction at all times. Now how different would gender perception be today if the history books were instead filled with stories about how warlords were terribly afraid of spiders, to the point of curling up in a ball in the corner and going into shock. 'robably not the best way to establish a powerful reputation that resounds throughout the halls of space, time and history. There are some men who even represent the end of a long generational line of sons being taught by their guardians to never trust any woman that they come across.
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There are plenty of men who have had the distaste for any of all signs of weakness drilled so far into their ancestry that they detest the idea of e4pressing any signs of fear or sadness as if those emotions were actually lethal poisons instead of simple feelings. There0s !ust no getting around the fact that there are tons of men in the world who rather go to the grave being considered unfeeling beasts rather than vulnerable human beings. t the end of the day, however, there is no one who actually enjoys the feeling of being emotionally repressed all of the time. 2e does e4perience these negative feelings, and he is simply in a perpetual battle to keep them swept under the carpet for as long as he can manage. To tarnish his image as an unbreakable statue of manliness and power would be like a fate worse than death, in his mind* you can consider this a condition that was brought on by society itself. +ven though an4iety and fear are natural bodily functions, we live in world in which emotion is associated with a lack of dependability by man people who don0t know any better. man doesn0t want to be interpreted as the kind of person who can0t be counted on in the clutch. man wants to feel like he has what it takes to be in control at all time, immune to the ebbs and flows ofwaves natural fearup and dread, like stone that lets storm*thrown crash against its body without a single scratch. f you compare a man to the high stone in the ocean 124
weathering crashing waves, you need to be aware of the fact that !ust because he lets those waves crash down on him doesn0t mean he0s actually immune to them 1 he very well could be, and often is crumbling on the inside. t constant odds with the risk of revealing his vulnerability and compromising the macho identity that no one takes as seriously as he himself does, the man is generally unaware of !ust how good it could feel to !ust be a little bit more emotionally transparent in his daily life. n this chapter, you are going to learn what it takes to have a man break out of his emotionally locked*down shell and enter the +motional Transparency phase. n the +motional Transparency phase, your man is going to be able to have a kind of openness with you that he seldom feels comfortable enough to allow himself to e4perience with other women. No matter how much he tries to build himself up as an uncaring brute, as we mentioned before, men cannot fight off the programming within them that makes them susceptible to wanting to be the hero for a female in need. The generations of upbringing that have molded the male archetype have made him into a natural*born provider. n terms of upbringing, we really need to observe the dual standard between how little boys and little girls are treated in their times of distress. "sually, when a little girl is crying about something, hearts all around her shatter to pieces and waves of people rush to her 125
aid. hat happens when a boy is stressed out enough by something to start crying, though3 Chances are that when a little boy starts to cry about something, instead of being lent a sympathetic ear, he0ll be reprimanded and told to toughen up instead 1 this fundamental difference in upbringing can seriously mean the difference between two entirely distinct dimensions. The imposition of this walk it off mentality has serious effects of a male that is coming of age, and you can see the effects any time that a man is adamant about not needing any help with something that they0re clearly struggling with. &ftentimes a man will be at odds between the advice he0s heard to listen to his instincts, which are fueled by his emotions directly, and the e4pectations that so many other people have of him to remain constantly stoic and uninfluenced by the ebbs and flows of his heart. Choosing to remain unemotional, in a way, is really many men0s way of !ust erring on the side of caution 1 you0re going to have to see past this flawed logic if your goal is to have a successful and cohesive relationship. hen emotional stifling is so deep*seated in a boy0s everyday life that he sees little to no other recourse than to re!ect them altogether, wayhimself that it in won0t any relationship there0s that heno finds as a affect grown!ust manabout 1 if you happen to be in relationship with such a man, then there0s a couple of things you can do in order to mitigate the conse=uences.
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Now for a moment, picture that you and your man have !ust gotten into a particularly nasty fight and are both feeling pretty emotionally e4hausted from the bulk of it. 5ou both said things to one another that you regret, and eventually things got so out of control that you both more or less !ust elected to walk away and leave the argument hanging. Now after this happens, you might naturally be tempted to revisit the argument and see if there0s any chance at reconciling after the gravity of the fight. The issue that you might run into, however, may be that your man e4presses little to no interest in actually acknowledging the fight 1 as a matter of fact, he may actually decide that it0s better to !ust pretend that the fight never happened at all. nstead of actually acknowledging the obvious conflict that has occurred, the man may instead find it more appealing to bury himself in either his responsibilities or something that that he finds more en!oyable than focusing on whatever the two of you were arguing about in the very first place. Naturally, this makes a lot of women want to rip their hair of their heads by the roots. t leads to tears, dissatisfaction, and a lot of bitterness that could wind up being e4tremely destructive if it isn0t pent up and compounded after the fact. Couples that have been through e4tremely stressful periods with one another, due to the man being emotionally stunted, may find that there is a definite imbalance in the amount of stress e4perienced by the woman and the man. 127
The stress will generally stick with the woman for a longer period of time than it sticks with the man. +ven though the stress will tend to stick with us longer than it sticks with men, it doesn0t mean that women are any bit mentally weaker 1 that0s not their any more truthful than the farce so than manymen menare believe in that emotional constipation makes them stronger. The fact of the matter is that we need to account for the fact that there are likely going to be some challenges that men have to face in regards to their emotional e4pressiveness, and now, you may have a better idea of !ust e4actly why that is #oving forward, we0re going to be discussing the power of several types of phrases that can be used to let your guy know that it0s okay for him to emotionally e4press himself to you 1 these are what we0re going to call +motional Transparency phrases. ith +motional Transparency phrases, you can essentially give a guy the green light to share everything that0s on his mind with you, even if he0s not one hundred percent sure about how he0ll be received because of it. +motional transparency is all about establishing yourself as a strong emotional comfort )one for your man, which will bring you closer together. The term for these phrases that are meant to increase the openness with which your man divulges his feelings are what we are going to refer to as +motional Transparency phrases, and should you master them well, you will be able to understand him a lot more easily than you ever could before. 128
2ere are some e4amples of phrases that you might find helpful in digging deeper into your man0s capacity to be completely emotionally candid with you.
“ric
' /anted to tell *o( that ' love F res)ect *o( dee)l* altho(gh /e have o(r ()s and do/ns b(t *o(8re still the man ' loo0 () to. Altho(gh ' 0no/ it8s hard for *o( b(t ' need *o( to 0no/ that *o( co(ld share an*thing /ith me and be ass(red that '8ll never B(dge *o( for an*thing.
$elieve it or not, most men are absolutely horrified of the prospect of a woman simply !udging them for not living up to the impossible standard of never being affected by anything slightly disheartening or sad. 5ou can take a great deal of weight off your man0s mind by acknowledging the fact that you know he0s probably going through a lot, while at the same time, stroking his ego !ust a little by e4pressing how much you admire him for the =ualities he possesses that he can be proud of. 5ou can show that you care about him in spite of whenever he may e4hibit some tendencies that show a chink in the armor that he works so hard to keep up at all times, which will do a great deal to invite him to be a lot more honest and raw with you instead of !ust bottling things up inside whenever he feels uncomfortable. “ricE
' 0no/ *o( love me a lot F ' can feel it in the /a* *o( loo0 at me the /a* *o( /arml* hold me b(t as a /oman some )art of me still craves to hear /hat *o( tr(l* feel abo(t me. =lease 0no/ that even if *o( disli0e certain things abo(t me '8d li0e *o( to )lease share it 129
/ith me /itho(t fearing an* B(dgment.
s long as you are in something that resembles a committed relationship with a man, he will be thinking about how you are receiving all of the signs he tries to send out that he cares for you without e4plicitly stating it outright.
t takes a great deal of effort for many men to outright say they care, and so naturally, they try to compensate for this by making a point to e4press the ways that they feel in as many other subtle ways as possible. henever your man does something that brims with the implications of his feelings for you, even if he doesn0t outright verbali)e it, make sure you let him know that the message was received in full. 2e may not be completely ready to open up about how afraid he is of appearing vulnerable in front you, but hefor will appreciate your choice to refrain fromof!udging him any kind of perceived weakness. “ricE
' /anted to let *o( 0no/ ho/ )ro(d ' am to have a h(sbandJbo*friend li0e *o(. Katel* '8ve noticed that *o(8re a lot more distant and honestl* if there is something ' co(ld do to hel) *o( or if *o( /o(ld li0e to tal0 abo(t it '8d reall* a))reciate it. o/ever if *o( need some distance then ' com)letel* (nderstand and '8ll be aro(nd /henever *o( need me.
man is constantly thinking about !ust how well he stacks up to all of thestandards other husbands in the that represent for the and waysboyfriends that women likeworld you are supposed to be treated, and if he0s doing a good !ob, you have to let him know that.
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f he starts to act like he0s withdrawing, something you positively do not want to do is try and force him to be more open around you. e0ve already discussed what the pitfalls of trying to force your man to do something are, so by now, trust you know to avoid pursuing such a course of action. ll that you have to do is give him the invitation to open up to you when he0s ready, while still showing some respect by giving him the proper space to deal with his issues on his own terms until some sort of inner peace has been achieved in his heart. “ric
toda* ' /anted to let *o( 0no/ that *o(8re an ama@ing bo*friendJh(sband and even more ama@ing man. ' enBo* ever*thing *o(8ve given me and ' am than0f(l to be in *o(r life. ' /as B(st a little concerned as latel* *o(8ve been a lot more inside *o(r head and B(st /anted to let *o( 0no/ that '8m here for *o( an*time *o( need me.
;ust like the phrases before, this phrase invites your man to place in which he can fully divulge all of his doubts, fears and hopes to you without any an4iety related to being thought less of because of it at the end of the day. %howing gratitude for what your man has been doing to create a better life for the two of you will make it less likely that he feels he has to uphold ma4imum rigidness in the persona he adopted in order to become the best possible man in your eyes 1 as we0ve already gone over in previous sections, all men want to be looked at as heroes at the end of the day. “ric
' don8t B(st see *o( as m* bo*friendJh(sband ' act(all* also see *o( as m* best friendE 6o(8ve cared for me adored me F have been there for me (nconditionall*. ' B(st /anted to let *o( 0no/ that '8d reall* love it if *o( 131
co(ld o)en a little bit more aro(nd me emotionall*. ' 0no/ it8s not the easiest thing to do /hen ' am being so demanding of *o( b(t )lease (nderstand that it /o(ld tr(l* ma0e me feel loved if *o( o)ened () more.
Now this is easily one of the most powerful ways that you can really get on track to having your man feel a lot moreright about e4pressing his feelings for you without the fear of being !udged by you at the end of the day. hen you make a statement like this, one of the best effects is that you are transcending the e4pectations levied upon the two of you by the official positions of being a boyfriend and girlfriend or husband and wife. Telling your man that you simply appreciate him for all that he offers you and the rest of the world as a whole will make him more prone to emotionally opening up to you due to the fact that the two of you will be able to connect more in terms of !ust being people who appreciate one another instead of it being his job to be approved of by you. +4hibiting care and admiration for your man, while maintaining ade=uate distance when he becomes distant, will summon the full power of +motional Transparency phrases. s long as you act consistent in e4ercising this attitude, you will eventually come to a point at which there is nothing your man is afraid to share with you.
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Cha)ter 9 + Kove Coc0tail =hrases Now if had to take a wild guess, 0d have to say that at some point or another you0ve found yourself in a situation in which you were with a man who only seemed to be pushing you away further and further by the day.
Chances are that you had absolutely no idea why he was being so cold to you and wasn0t making a great effort to enlighten you as to what the source of his coldness was.
s he ignored you and talked to you less than a rock talks to the wall, all that you could do was wonder whether or not he was even in the same world as you or off in his own dimension. &f course you want to see if there0s any way that you could perhaps simply !ust talk to him and figure out what it is that0s got him acting like an astronaut, but you eventually give in due to the fact that it0s like he doesn0t understand your language.
s the days go by, it appears that your man is increasingly more interested in what0s on TB or surfing the nternet instead of knowing what0s happening in your life.
5ou want to see if there0s any possible way that you might be able to get him to want to be alone with you for once instead of !ust going out with his buddies, but you0re lucky if you can get an answer that0s delivered with more than !ust a single syllable. 133
The memories of the last time that he hugged you or passionately kissed you seem to fade further into the ambiguity of your most obscure memories, and eventually they0re flung so far back behind you that you wonder if you might have !ust been imagining it all along.
%eeing his back eventually becomes a more familiar sight than actually seeing his face, and you are at an absolute loss to reverse things by reaching out to him.
t some point, even though it may hurt to acknowledge, you come to reali)e that his shift in treatment of you didn0t !ust pop up out of nowhere.
5ou come to reali)e that at a certain point, you could actually sense his dwindling attraction for you occurring in the pit of your gut and simply didn0t want to acknowledge it when you sensed it for the very first time.
t a certain point, it becomes completely impossible to deny that which you were painfully aware of all along deep in your heart 1 your man was planning on ending things between the two of you, and in a sense, you could even say that he already had.
t may not be a pleasant thing to think about, but truth be told, a relationship actually can be ended even when two people haven0t necessarily gone through the motions of officially breaking up 1 all it takes is for one partner to stop investing the 134
amount of care into the relationship that is necessary to maintain a cohesive, mentally beneficial bond with one another.
hen your man has withdrawn to a certain point, then there is the chance that he is actually coming to terms with how he wants to work out the details of leaving you for good.
deally he would actually tell you about this upfront, but unfortunately, that only happens all of the time in a perfect world 1 a lot of women who wind up in this position actually !ust end up coming home one day to find themselves suddenly single.
5ou would at least hope to get some kind of ODear ;ane0 letter to clarify things fully, but many women who are unceremoniously dumped don0t even get the courtesy of a poorly*written letter to e4plain what factors led to them getting kicked to the curb without any warning.
&ne of the worst feelings in the world can be when you already have been left and you !ust simply cannot, for the life of you, understand at e4actly what point everything between you and your e4 went south.
5ou want to know if there0s anything specific that you may have done to make things turn out the way that they did, but all it seems that you can do is draw a blank and grow increasingly distressed with the way that things turned out between you and him in the end.
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5ou would like nothing more than to at leastknow if the truth may actually be that he was !ust seeing someone else on the side during the time that you were under the impression that there was still something going on between the two of you, and yet the catharsis of having that simple e4planation !ust continually avoids you. Try as you might, you !ust can0t seem to place your finger on anything that might have reasonably led to him losing so much faith the relationship that the two of you had, with little to no prompting or incident.
2e hadn0t become e4tremely ill, he wasn0t dealing with a massive amount of stress at work, and from what you could remember, there was nothing that had happened that would make him angry with you 1 yet he still left. Now even though this e4tremely unfortunate scenario is anything but uncommon, there are lots of women who make massive mistakes in their attempts to rectify the situation.
2ere are several of the things that you absolutely must refrain from doing at all costs if you truly want to take a shot at salvaging your relationship when it reaches its darkest hour.
ista0e One + Tr*ing to convince him to love *o( or sta* /ith *o(
e0ve already talked a great deal about what it means for a man to e4perience true love and how futile it is to try and 136
convince a man to love or like you.
Despite my advice and mountains of evidence available out there for all women to observe, there0s !ust always a good amount of women out there who are convinced that they can save their relationships if they !ust present a list of ade=uate reasons.
hen you try and go about getting your man to become involved with you again in a manner such as this, the only thing you0re doing is dragging yourself back to s=uare one and depriving yourself of any chances at being treated as person that deserves self*respect.
f he didn0t like you before, then you can be one*hundred percent certain that begging for his attention is not going to make him any more attracted to you.
$ecoming needy and desperate when you0ve been cut loose will only send him flying in the opposite direction at an even swifter pace than how he moved when he left in the very first place.
t0s an utterly useless strategy, which is why it0s so disheartening that there appears to be such a massive volume of women who make it the most popular strategy for trying to win their e4es back.
&ne thing that you will be accomplishing is making it so that he can more plainly see the pain of your desperation as he becomes more resolute in the decision to leave, and that0s 137
certainly not any better than him !ust leaving altogether.
ista0e 5(mber T/o + Overcom)ensating /ith (nnat(rall* genero(s )am)ering
5ou0re not going to be able to get your man to stay for the right reasons by trying too hard to do absolutely everything under the sun for him when you feel he0s growing distant from you.
f he0s showing signs that he wants things between the two of you to be over, then don0t attempt to win him over by making yourself into an indentured servant with benefits 1 dressing up se4y, constantly making meals, or doing mundane tasks for him is only going to e4haust you and make you even more prone to the heartbreak that will result from his eventual departure.
Contrary to popular belief, a relationship is actually not a constant flow of give and take transactions.
f you want your relationship to work, so to speak, then you need to account for the fact that you are not always actually going to get a one hundred percent return for everything that you put into the relationship itself.
t may seem a bit cruel, but if you can make peace with the concept of giving more than you0re guaranteed to get, then you0ll be a lot less broken up inside when a man leaves. ista0e 5(mber Three + ?laming him for ever*thing
This third mistake is generally only committed when a woman is 138
at the end of her rope and has !ust about lost any hope she had left of positively resolving things between she and the man that left them.
hen the blame game phase is entered, the woman is basically thinking that if she can make the man blame himself as much as she blames him, he might change his mind and decide to try making amends.
ll that you accomplish when you do this is confirm for your man that leaving you was the correct course of action at the end of the day. ho wants to be committed to someone who is critici)ing them constantly3
man doesn0t want to have to be with an overly critical partner any more than they want to be with a woman who begs them to stay like a needy beggar.
f you want your man to be there with you to stay, then you0re going to have to show him that you value him. There is a difference between e4pressing that you value your man and e4pressing that you absolutely need his company, all of the time, like an addict.
Do not mistake an overabundance of giving with increased chances of keeping your man longer, and don0t resort to codependent behavior when you think the odds may not be in your favor. These strategies are all pretty much synonymous with shooting yourself in the foot.
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f you want to take a shot at getting your man back that0s actually based in logic and could feasibly work, then have something highly valuable for you.
nstead of trying to convince your man to stay in a relationship with you, what can show you are the best ways to utili)e an e4tremely effective secret language that will appeal directly to your man0s subconscious mind.
hen you learn how to effectively appeal to your man0s subconscious mind, you0ll be able to resurrect those old feelings that he had for you before growing distant, and he0ll also be more likely to decide that it0s a good idea to stay with you.
Now, let0s get started9 s human beings, we are programmed to take things for granted as we become increasingly used to having them, and relationships are no e4ception to the rule.
"nless you know how to keep him interested by constantly raising up feelings of appreciation and desire within him, chances are that you0re going to end up losing him when those initial feelings of attachment wear off.
+ven in the absolute best of all circumstances, you have to absolutely see to it that you don0t neglect staying on top of triggering his feelings of appreciation for you whenever possible.
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f you can keep on planting seeds in his mind that grow into reasons for him to desire you ever more, there0s a lot less of a chance that you0ll wind up losing him.
-et0s !ust take a moment to think about the very air that we breathe into our lungs on a daily basis. e can go for weeks without food, days without water, but won0t last much longer than minute without any air.
ir is probably the single most important factor in our survival, but ironically, you0ll find very few people instinctively rate air near the top of their list of things that are vital for survival.
Can you imagine how awful it would be if pockets of airless space !ust started popping up all over the globe without warning3
Can you fathom how much worse your life would be if you suddenly had to worry at all times about suddenly not being able to inhale3
ny time, any place, without any warning at all, you could suddenly find yourself without even the slightest bit of air.
Now take a deep breath right now and relish in the security of how available air is to you 1 chances are that breath you took seemed !ust a little bit sweeter than most of the other breaths you0ve taken this week.
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e take air for granted so often due to the fact of !ust how incredibly accessible it is.
e literally cannot live without air, but because there is such an immeasurably high amount of it around us at all times, we don0t spend nearly as much time e4pressing our gratitude for it as we do the millions of other things in our world that aren0t =uite as numerous as air molecules.
Now think of your partner. f we can takeair itself for granted because of how accessible it is, what would make anyone think that their partner wouldn0t ever get tired of them3
The more you constantly chase a guy around, the more accessible you0re going to be appearing to him as a result. The more accessible you appear, the less valuable he0s going to perceive your company as being 1 that0s !ust the way that it works.
Never imprison a man with your company. The last thing that your partner desires is being tethered to something he0s powerless to escape from, like a ball and chain effect.
(efrain from being desperate if you don0t want to come off as a person with whom commitment is comparable to a lifetime !ail sentence.
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o/ to /in him bac0
hen it comes to most of the things that people do, the fear of losing something generally wins out over the potential pleasure of working in order to attain something.
hen people fear that something may be slipping out of their grasp, they will fight tooth and nail to preserve their ownership for it in a way that eclipses even how hard they fought to attain that very thing in the first place.
can0t tell you e4actly why the building blocks of human psychology have made things this way, but all can tell you is that it0s something you have to understand fully if you want to get to the point at which you understand what it takes to win back a man.
Do you know why it is that so many women find it e4cruciatingly difficult to !ust drop their relationships with abusive partners, even when the concept of remaining in the relationship threatens their very lives3
t0s because the fear of losing the security of a relationship, even one that0s more dangerous than nurturing, is too frightening for the abused women to bear.
&n the flipside, you can use the human tendency of fearing any sort of loss to your advantage in terms of finding a way to get your man back.
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+ssentially, all that you0re really going to be doing is creating a legitimate sense of an4iety in his mind that makes him dread the emptiness that will accompany a choice to leave you.
2ere0s an e4ample of something you could say that could create that fear of loss pretty effectively6 “Honey!
I think we’ve grown distant lately & need some space. I can see that you aren’t comfortable with me like you used to be, and I’ve decided we need some time apart from each other. Maybe it’s best for both of us.
That0s really the only thing you0d have to say in order to achieve the intended effect.
nstead going on after him to bedand for maturity his forgiveness, you0re going to of e4ercise some self*respect by seeing to it that you acknowledge the truth that two people can0t be attached at the hip.
fter you use this techni=ue, there0s a very good chance that your man is going to respond strongly to it 1 if you issue the statement via te4t or email, you won0t have to actually worry about getting any immediate response or reaction from him after making the statement.
There are three reasons why this techni=ue works as well as it does 1 1. 6o( com)letel* disarmed him 2. 6o( refrained from sho/ing an* signs of des)eration 144
or /ea0ness . 6o( indirectl* told him that *o(8re not interested in him an*more
fter you0ve made your statement about the benefits of spending do e4actlysome that. time apart, your ne4t plan of action should be to
f you two live together, move out of the house. -eave him alone and take some time to get to know yourself a little better. f he calls or writes you to find out what0s going on, respond with something like* “I’ve
been having a blast and would love to tell you all about it. hings have been going great for me. "e definitely needed time apart. I guess when things happen they happen for a good reason, right# $nyway, I am in a rush, I’ll speak to you or write later.
hile you0re off doing your own thing, his curiosity will be incited and he0ll be wondering about everything that you0ve been up to.
hen he0s wracking his brain to figure out what it could be that0s gotten you feeling more independent, the burning desire sparked by his curiosity will force him to ask himself two things6
1. o/ is she having so m(ch f(n /itho(t me 2. as she com)letel* moved on or is she still interested
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&nce he starts making an active effort to try and find out what you0ve been up to, that0s a total wrap.
t will be as though the two of you have !ust met all over again 1 when this happens, you need to show off your self*reliance and self*confidence, establishing your rightful status as a person of true value.
(emember 1 you don0t have to settle down any more than he does, and you deserve a guy that adores you and loves you. f you respect yourself and he decides to start appreciating you more, it0s a fresh start for you both.
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Cha)ter 1& + (t(al =leas(re =hases f anyone has told you that a man can0t be trained to do the things that please you on a more fre=uent basis, then they were terribly mistaken.
Don0t let the way it may sound give you the wrong idea 1 this is not an e4ercise in simply manipulating the man to do whatever you please.
ith this e4ercise, you are going to simply learn how to inspire a man to do more things that fall in line with your wants and needs, without having to actually manipulate or beg him at all.
+ssentially, what you0re going to be doing is inspiring him to see making you happy as the number one mission ob!ective on his big list of priorities.
2ere0s the process to inspiring the man to do more of the things you want, broken down into five e4tremely simple steps6 1- 'dentif* /hat *o( /ant. 2- S(ggest an action the right /a*. - As0 him to ma0e a small commitment before a bigger one. "- Re/ard F )(nish theor*. !- Remind him of ho/ he8s s())osed to behave.
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1 - 'dentif* e3actl* /hat it is *o( /ant and 0ee) it sim)le- one re(est at a time
e were the gender gifted with all of the talent in multitasking, and so out of consideration for our dear men0s limits and our own sanity, it would be best to do all we can to avoid overloading men. They find it e4tremely hard to devote proper attention to more than one task at a time 1 the simpler you keep it, the better: (emember, your goal should be to avoid having him see you as a constant source of drama. Don0t start any argument over something that0s not worth going to bed angry about. nother thing you should take e4treme care to avoid doing is choosing to approach any critical issue in an indirect, passive way. e0d all like our men to be able to pick up on all of the most important things without needing to be e4plicitly prompted all of the time, but sometimes there is !ust no other recourse than to take the initiative and lay it out directly on the line. 2ere are some of the things that you should never beat around the bush when they become important6 *%omething is seriously distressing you and you need to talk about it *5ou really want him to open up a little bit more about a certain sub!ect
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*5ou0d like for him to take care if something broken or urgent related to the house *5ou feel like you need !ust a little bit more attention, even !ust a kiss or a cuddle now and then 2 - S(ggest an action the right /a* b* (sing res)ect F a))reciation.
f you want to create a powerful call to action that lead to your man being more motivated to follow through on doing the things that please you, you0ve got to prioriti)e suggesting what you would like him to do instead of always feeling the need to outright command him to do things. /or e4ample, you should make a point to avoid saying things like this6 “ey hon, the faucet has been dripping for a month now. !re you ever going to get it fixed"#
nstead, you should actually focus more on wording your desires more like this9 “on, I know how good you are at fixing things. $his faucet’s been dripping forever, it seems, and I just can’t seem to figure it out.#
$y wording your desire in a way that is led into by mentioning something that you appreciate him for, you are able to make him appreciative of your gratitude first, before !ust fi4ating on how the fact that you0d like him to do something that may not be immediately convenient.
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hen worded in this way, the answer will be 7yes8, nine times out of ten. #ost men truly are out to make their women as happy as possible in their own way, because when they are successful at pleasing their women, it gives them a strong sense of very real accomplishment 1 it0s a win*win situation for the both of you. Do you recall all that we0ve already covered about the e4treme importance of respect and admiration when it comes to a man0s sense of being3 5ou don0t need to be over the top about it, but as long as your respect and admiration are sincere, he0ll be appreciative and motivated. f he senses that you0re trying to force it, by being too gushy, he0ll pick up on that and may become resentful as a result. good way to start practicing the ways that you can e4ude a little bit more respect and admiration for your man is by taking a bit of time to write down a list of all of the different reasons you have to respect your man for all of the things that he is and is capable of doing. man likes to know that his woman is legitimately interested in him for who he is, so never stop putting in a genuine effort to try and get to know your man !ust a little bit better any time that you have the opportunity. ;ust as you want to be appreciated for your =ualities that aren0t entirely physical, your man wants to know that you0re invested in his innermost =ualities as well.
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The only thing that you really have to do is point out !ust one simple =uality about him that you love, once per day, and you0ll be on the right track. /or e4ample 1 -et0s say you want him to tell you that he loves you more often. nstead of directly saying 1 “ey% ow come you never tell me how much you love me anymore"#
Try saying 1 7oney% I wanted to tell you that I feel really good when you tell me that you love me. $hank you for caring enough by letting me know how you feel.# Now what do you think is going to happen ne4t3 No grand pri)e for guessing hereP there0s a JJ.J chance that he0s going to start saying 7 love you8 a lot more often after you0ve made a statement like that. ere are a fe/ more e3am)les of )leasant )hrases *o( can (se to raise his level of affection -
- I really admire a man like you. - I love it when you hug me. aving you around and feeling your touch makes me feel so safe and warm. - I am so proud to have a guy like you in my life. - &ou are very important to me. I am so blessed to have you in my life. - I know you can achieve anything you put your mind to. - $hanks for being a great boyfriend'husband. 151
- I love it when you surprise me. - I really need your help. I can’t do it without you. - I trust you with all my heart. - It’s amazing how good you really are at doing (((((( )insert action* - As0 him to ma0e a small commitment before e3)ecting a bigger one.
re you aware of the fact that we, as human beings, are much more likely to follow through with a large commitment when we have already gone through with a more modest commitment3 t is e4tremely difficult for us to make an abrupt change in the way that we speak and act when in the middle of an established trend of behavior. n your own relationship, the human habit of sticking with familiar behavior can be used to your greatest advantage. f you want your man to do something relatively big for you, then naturally, you should first ask him to do something on a much smaller scale. -et0s imagine that you0d like to be taken out to eat to an e4pensive restaurant, but you know that chances are he0s not going to want to go along with it. nstead of !umping right into asking him to take you to the restaurant, you can instead lead into it by asking a smaller commitment of him before you even mention the restaurant at all.
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/or e4ample, say this 1 “oney% +an we please go out to eat tonight" I’m exhausted and feeling very stressed really don’t feel like cooking.#
&nce he agrees and you two are getting ready9%ay the following 1 “h%
hile we’re at it, how about we go to /&0 restaurant" It’s been a while since we’ve eaten there. I’ve heard they have new special items on the menu.#
2e0s going to be ten times more likely to go along with going to the restaurant since the first re=uest has set him on the conditioned path to agreeing with you on that particular train of thought. The beauty of this simple method is that it can literally be used in order to increase the rate of success you have with getting your man to agree with you in !ust about any other hypothetical situation. ll that you have to make sure of is that you remember how vital it is to always lead into your larger re=uest with smaller, more manageable re=uests first. This is like a foot*in*the*door techni=ue that uses the momentum of the first re=uest to block chances of re!ection of the second re=uest. n the restaurant e4ample, even if he believes that the answer should be no, he won0t have been led to refusal by being put on the spot and pressured.
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f you immediately put your man on the spot, he0s more likely to disagree simply to protect his right to refuse for being told what to do. 2ere0s another e4ample, let0s say you want your special guy to take you out to a show this weekend. %ay the following to him9 “&ou know" $here’s this really good show this weekend, and I’ve been just dying to see it. 1erhaps we could go together, and then go out to that really nice jazz bar you took me to a couple of weeks ago. I know I’d really like that.# &ne thing you should take care not to do is to ask him whether or not he believes it would be a good idea or not to go through with whatever your idea is. 5ou would actually be best off if you completely refrained from asking him about what he thinks about the idea at all. s a matter of fact, the best thing that you could probably do would be to !ust immediately change the sub!ect after mentioning whatever it is that you0d like him to agree to. f you directly state your desire but make it appear like an afterthought, you could make it so that your wishes are known but you0re not aggressively putting them upon him like a command or complaint. hen you make your desire known but also make a point to keep it relegated to a point in the dialogue that doesn0t make it the number one attraction, you give your man time to consider the re=uest without feeling like he0s being pressured into agreeing to what you0ve got in mind.
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Chances are that unless he0s got a conflict that makes it literally impossible for him to follow through with whatever it is that you0d like to see happen, he0s going to invite you to see that that show that you mentioned earlier.
hat0s better is that he won0t get the sense youexpect him to do it, he0ll get pleasure out of the thought that he0s giving you a nice surprise.
"- Re/ard F =(nish Theor*.
Now comes the time that can truly teach you the best way to properly train your man to do e4actly whatever it is that you have in mind. Don0t be intimidated by the scope of what 0m suggesting here 1 it0s actually a fairly simple process that most women simply happen to overlook J@ of the time. $elieve it or not, training your man to do what you0d like him to do is actually a part of the !ob description. Chances are that he0s not going to directly or indirectly tell you that he wants you to condition him to unconsciously do everything that you want, when you want it, but it is true nonetheless. -et0s look at it this way6 if you don0t train him in all of the most effective ways to do what you need him to do to make you happy, where else is he going to learn3 f you0re tormented by the fact that your man is going all of the things you hate, and you0re at a loss for ways to make him change whatever he0s doing, then you0ve got to face a truth that may be a hard pill to swallow6 at some point in the past, 155
you trained your man to believe that the behavior was acceptable. t0s not to say that you outright told your man that doing the things you hate is acceptable, but ignoring the behavior that makes you unhappy is actually !ust as bad as outright encouraging it 1 by doing that, you lead him down the path of thinking it0s completely harmless. The key to getting him to engage in a stronger ratio of behavior that you en!oy to behavior that turns you off, the best thing you can do is to classically condition him. 5our target should be to reward him more when he does the things you like and to punish behavior that you don0t stand for. Now here0s one thing that you need to be one hundred percent aware of6 punishment doesn0t mean that you0re going to be breaking out the blowtorch and chasing him into the attic. The punishment should never be aggressive or violent, because that never actually ends well for anyone involved. 5ou should be focusing more on the =uality of the rewards that you entitle him to when he does something right. n life, you0ll catch more bees with honey than salt 1 positive reinforcement is always the right way to go. The rewards should come in one of two special forms9 1. motional Re/ards + +motional rewards can come in the
form of showing appreciation, love, respect, and an increased rate of attention. 156
The first thing that you should be focusing on is making sure that you don0t miss out on the chance to make sure that you can e4ercise one of these rewards any time he doesn0t something you like right. 2. =h*sical Re/ards – f your man has been doing an
e4tremely good !ob reward of bringing flowers work, forlike e4ample, you could thatyou behavior byafter praising him this * oney% I love the fact that you bring flowers for me daily, it truly makes my day%
f he0s being constantly rewarded for it, then the behavior is going to be constantly reinforced, which will be conducive to him repeating the behavior on a more fre=uent basis. Now if your man is doing something that really doesn0t sit well with you, like leavingsomething his clotheslike out the on the floor all of the time, you could try stating following9
“oney% I need to let you know that it’s really difficult for me to organize your clothes every day after you leave. I would love to do it for you, but I can’t do it every single day.#
fter you make this statement, you ne4t priority should be to make sure that you stop e4tending that courtesy towards him that he en!oys.
'unishment doesn0t have to be brutal or painful to be effective 1 it can simply take the form of the lack of something you used to do that he benefited from.
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5ou aren0t necessarily obligated to go out of your way doing all of the things around the house that are convenient for him, and so when you cease doing one of these things to punish him, it0s not malicious 1 chances are that he will associate the lack of that thing with the action that displeased you, which will lead to him repeatingre=uired. that behavior notably less. There is no trickery or manipulation
!- Remind him of ho/ he8s s())osed to behave.
ith this step alone, you will be e4ercising the full accumulation of everything that we0ve covered so far. 5our power to influence your man will be unparalleled by any woman that doesn0t have the same knowledge. f your man is being a little bit la)y around the home, try the following phrase6 “oney% I know that you care about me deeply have been so good to me. I truly admire that 2uality in you. owever, lately you seem a bit distant3 this isn’t like your usual self. Is there something wrong"#
ith this phrase, you are at once showing your appreciation for him and indirectly letting him know that something about his current behavior is off.
#en the women that with, but none of themlove wanttotoplease be harped on about thethey0re past and relentlessly critici)ed.
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#ake sure to always prioriti)e positive reinforcement for all of the times that your man follows through without being asked, and you will get much more attention and appreciation in return.
Now let me show you some effective ways that you can integrate these principles into your everyday life6 or e3am)le if *o(r man has been e3traordinaril* b(s* at /or04
–
ow come you never spend time with me anymore"
an – +an’t you see I’m busy" I have a lot of work to do.
Fetting angry at things is much easier than understanding things, and that0s why fights happen so often. f you want your relationship to flourish, then sometimes you0re going to have to do it the hard way6 attempting to understand. ronically, what0s hard in the short term can make things much easier in the long term.
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f you want to be fully understood, then first, you must commit to understanding. %how him unconditional love and respect, and he0ll be a lot more cooperative. 5o/ here8s an e3am)le ho/ to handle it correctl*4
&ou work so hard to provide me with everything. I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate everything you have done for me. an – $hank you very much4I am glad to have you in my life as well.
This method of communication is honest, has no manipulation whatsoever, and gets results. 5ou0re triggering him to respond in a way that makes you happy, which positively reinforces his listening skills. %how him that you0re the one he wants, and he0ll kick into provider mode almost instantly. Don0t be surprised if your girlfriends get !ealous:
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Cha)ter 11 + The onstro(s 'ntrig(e =hrases Now !ust for a moment, want you to imagine that you0ve been having the time of your life with a new guy that you0ve !ust met very recently. 2e may or may not be the 7one8, but so far, he0s been making all of the right moves and you have a feeling that you understand !ust about every good thing that there is to know about him.
2is moods, emotions and habits are all things that you understand well. #ost importantly of all, you really get the sense that you have legitimate feelings for him that transcend a passing fling. 5ou love spending time with him much more than a lot of the guys you0ve met prior, and every little thing he does seems to draw him in closer to you by the day.
5ou love it when he tells you how much you mean to him, and !ust being by his side has this uncanny effect on you that makes you feel incredibly safe.
5ou like how he holds you warmly every single day, and overall, being with him !ust gives you the sense ofcompleteness that you0re almost at a loss for an accurate way to describe.
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t0s safe to say that you0re definitely thinking of something resembling a bright future with this guy, and so naturally, you start to envision all of things that could come to be if the two of you really decided to kick things up to the ne4t level.
ll of your fantasies start to appear more vivid and easy to rationali)e.
t doesn0t take long for the butterflies to start bubbling up in your tummy !ust as an effect of your thoughts about how bright the future has potential to be.
The prospect of things actually getting serious between you and this guy starts to make you an4ious, and your e4citement gets spiked with electric uncertainty. Now suddenly, one day, things start to head south. 5ou don0t know for what reason or even at what point it started to happen, but eventually, there is no doubting that something has undoubtedly gotten different between the two of you.
This man you were feeling so good about before, whose smile and touch could make your whole week, suddenly starts to act e4tremely distant in a completely unprompted fashion.
2e0s outright avoiding you, and you don0t have any idea of how to describe it than you have ideas of how to coloni)e the planet ;upiter.
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5ou find it hard to believe that this loving and generous man could really !ust leave you hanging for no other reason than to give you distress, but you0re at a loss of possible e4planations for why he would suddenly start to act like you don0t even e4ist.
2is calls start to become less and less fre=uent, he becomes much more physically distant from you at all times, and eventually, the sound of his voice becomes a distant memory that you can only accurately recollect from hearing his answering machine tone.
The answer to why men suddenly start to act like they0ve forgotten why we e4ist does not really e4ist, because there0s truly more than !ust a single answer to consider.
There are more than few variations to consider when it comes to finding out !ust why men play hot and cold when they0re getting to know you for the very first time.
&ne of the funny things about human beings is the mi4 of chemical reactions within us that starts when we0re !ust getting into the starting phases of a relationship.
hen we0re !ust getting into a brand new relationship with a brand new flame, our internal system is going wild with adrenaline.
hen adrenaline is flowing wildly through our system, we0re a whole lot more physically and emotionally stimulated. 163
e naturally feel like we0re more attached to !ust about everything that gives us the sense of being more attached to whatever it is that connects us to the person that we0re getting to know better, and at times, it almost feels like a legitimate addiction.
To say the least, the high that we get from getting to know this new person for the very first time is =uite a nice feeling.
e like the sensation of being able to feel lifted higher !ust from being around another person that gives us a sense of security, but in spite of that, eventually we get used to the sense of that addiction.
s time passes by, and we get to know someone better, those foreign and powerful sensations that took us over when we were first getting to know those people we0d never met before become a little bit less intense.
+ven if we0re consciously aware of the fact that these ama)ing getting*to*know*you feelings cannot possibly last forever, it0s very easy to forget that in the heat of the moment.
lot of men make the mistake of thinking that the fleeting phase of initial attraction can actually last forever, and so unfortunately, they ignore all of the little changes that can eventually tick down to a relationship0s flame =uietly dying out 1 we can all be guilty of this from time to time, it0s nothing to blame anyone or blame yourself for. 164
hat some men can unfortunately do at times, however, is act as though they have 7con=uered all8 in terms of things to discover and see when it comes to getting to know you.
hen they feel that there is nothing left to do, say or feel in terms of e4periencing time with you, they will withdraw from you for fear of the monotony.
To make this a little bit easier for you to understand, !ust want you to take a moment to imagine your most favorite television program in the world.
want you to think about all of the different ways that a new episode can draw you in with its beginning scene, and how the perfectly constructed ending can get you hungry for the possibility if resolution with the ne4t episode.
want you to try and imagine all of emotions that you e4perience when you0re thinking about where the story could go ne4t, whatever that particular story may be.
Channel all of the passion, thrills and e4citement you can that you0ve associated with a new episode of the first favorite show of yours that comes to mind.
Now !ust imagine that one day, out of nowhere, everything on your network got canceled 1 all e4cept for !ust &N+ episode out of !ust one show, which !ust so happens to be your favorite television show of all time. 165
Now of course at first, this doesn0t seem to be anything close to resembling a bad thing. 5ou actually feel compelled to !ump up out of your seat and re!oice, because of all of the television content that could have been preserved, it was your favorite show that you were so fortunate to see be the only one that was left on the air. 2owever, this feeling doesn0t last forever.
fter a while, you actually start to miss what all of the other T.B. shows had to offer. +ventually, you get to reali)e that your favorite television show no longer seems as entertaining as it used to be when there0s nothing left on the air to compare it to.
+ventually, you0re faced with the strange reali)ation that you actually sort of miss all of the shows that you used to claim that you actually hate.
5ou reali)e that instead of re!oicing at the fact that your favorite episode of your favorite show is the last thing on the air, you actually !ust start to feel this odd and crushing sense of disappointment in the fact that it0s the only thing left.
5ou start to wonder about e4actly when it was that the amount of times that one episode that was left had been replayed more than one hundred times, but you know that to be told the actual number of how many times that episode had been repeated would do nothing but depress you.
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5ou swear that you0ve seen that episode at least L,@@@ times if you rounded it down, but all it becomes irrelevant when you can0t even bear to look at the television screen anymore.
Now want you to understand that this hypothetical television situation is actually e4actly what a lot of men go through when it comes to the concept of their long*term relationships.
5ou have to understand the thought process that men operate under when they get into relationships in the very first place. hen men get into relationships in the very first place, they start to get addicted to the thrills, ups and downs of the relationship !ust like we get hooked into a brand new episode of a television show.
Now even though they0re addicted to all of these great feelings that the relationship gives them, at one point, they start to come to the reali)ation that anyone does when they0ve been indulging in something they en!oy for a long enough period of time.
fter a time, these men start to see that all of the thrills and peaks of those emotions that they e4perienced at first !ust doesn0t give them the same feeling that they used to get 1 they start to feel like we would in the hypothetical situation of the favorite episode of your favorite show getting replayed infinitely on the television, and eventually, the loop becomes too much to bear with pleasure.
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&ver time, the 7other0 shows start to fade away. +ventually, there is only one repeat show that keeps on playing over and over again, without any end in sight.
Now how many times do you actually e4pect your man or anyone else, including yourself, to keep on watching the same episode of the same show for the rest of their entire lives3
2ow long do you actually think it can be kept up before a man goes completely mad and his banging his head on the wall for way out3
f you0ve !ust met a guy and there0s no variety in the ways that the two of you spend time with one another, you can rest assured that he0s probably not going to !ust sit back and wait to be driven mad by the boredom of being committed to you with absolutely no sign of change or e4citement.
Now let0s be honest 1 it doesn0t necessarily mean that it0s all your fault. s a matter of fact, some of the fault may very well actually fall on him. e don0t need to waste any time playing the blame game, though.
hen you get comfortable with another person, you0re getting into a state that we describe as the 7settling stage8. s you start settling into one another0s habits and lives, you get co)y with one another, but the relationship also inevitably starts to lose a bit of its edge in the process. 168
2ow do you think you should go about fi4ing this issue with the natural order of developing relationships3 2ow do you think this problem can be fi4ed without anyone losing their minds3
ell 0ve got good news for you 1 the answer to this issue is incredibly simple. The only thing that you have to do in order to come out of the initial stages of a relationship with your sanity and actual relationship intact, is to make use of what like to call 7#onstrous ntrigue 'hrases8.
hat are #onstrous ntrigue 'hrases, you ask3
t0s not so complicated, really. #onstrous ntrigue 'hrases are simply emotional loophole openers. e can break the #onstrous ntrigue 'hrase process down into these steps6 1. =lant the seed to ne/ idea. 2. >ive *o(r man something better to loo0 for/ard to to thin0 abo(t or to desire from *o(.
0ve got some e4ample of potentially powerful #onstrous ntrigue 'hrases here that you can use in order to somewhat preserve the freshness of a relationship in its earliest stages without anyone getting bored to the point of running for the hills. “ricE
' 0no/ that /e haven8t reall* been as in t(ne latel* as /e8ve al/a*s been. onestl*E ' com)letel* (nderstand
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if *o( need s)ace. 'n fact ' thin0 both of (s need s)ace at the moment.
Now in this scenario, you0re going to be conducting yourself in a manner that may very well completely contradict whatever his assumptions about your behavior may have been.
Bery few men actually e4pect, even still in this day in age, women to actively suggest that they need their own space when the men need space.
-ots of guys are ready for a woman they0ve been with to start on an aggressive campaign of chasing after them they stop being as available, but when you actually refrain from trying e4tra hard to keep him when he starts to pull away from you, you0re actually opening the doors to him becoming a whole lot more interested in you in general. 2e may actually start thinking about you a whole lot more. “ric
' 0no/ /e haven8t reall* tal0ed that m(ch latel* b(t a ton of e3citing things have been ha))ening in m* life latel*. '8d love to tal0 abo(t it /ith *o( /henever *o(8re read*.
Now when you say something like this, you0re letting him know that you0ve got your own things going on.
hile most men e4pect women to dedicate their spare time to thinking about the guy that they want, making a phrase like this will get rid of any misconception that he may have about 170
the reality of how you spend your spare time.
hen he clearly sees that you have a full life of your own and in fact aren0t going to spend all of your waking hours waiting for him to come around when he0s done dealing with his own business, you0ll find that he0s going to be a lot more likely to take the initiative in setting up times to meet with you.
The best case scenario with this techni=ue is actually that he0ll become a little bit an4ious.
f you play your cards right with this techni=ue, you0ll be able to have made it so that he might actually begin to slightly fear the prospect of you going off and finding another man whose schedule is more congruent with yours than it is with his own 1 as we covered before, human beings are even more afraid of loss than they are fond of gain. “ricE
' 0no/ ma*be /e8ve had too m(ch of each other in the )ast fe/ months. ' am glad both of (s are in this sit(ation /here /e can have time to o(rselves as /ell. There have been a fe/ e3citing changes in m* life and '8d love to share it /henever *o( are read*.
Now with this phrase, you0re doing a fantastic !ob at making it so that you0re able to disprove any misconceptions he may have that you0re not going to be able to function without being completely wrapped up in everything that he0s doing in his absence.
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hile you0re plainly addressing the fact that you two have been taking some time away from one another, you0re doing in a way that shows you0re actually appreciative of the fact that you0ve had that time apart.
t the same time, you0re not making it sound as if you don0t want anything to do with him anymore 1 you0re clearly e4pressing that being able to spend time with him is something that you0re grateful for as well.
5ou0re showing the man that you are e=ually appreciative of the time you have to spend with him as you are of time that you have to be your own person as well.
hen you e4hibit comfort with the time that the two of you have to be on your own, you are e4hibiting a certain kind of mental maturity that will highly endear you to the kind of man who likes a well*balanced woman in his life.
Not only are you showing him that you0re centered enough to handle his absence without having some kind of nuclear meltdown, you0re also doing it while offering a legitimate incentive for seeing you again soon.
2is will to see you again will be supported by his curiosity about !ust what it could be that you have to tell him about what0s been going on in your life since you0ve gone.
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“ricE
'8ve been getting mi3ed feelings abo(t (s latel* ' don8t 0no/ if it8s good or bad b(t ' am glad that both of (s have time to each other to reflect better on things. Oh F b* the /a* a fe/ ne/ F e3citing changes have ta0en )lace that '8d love to share /ith *o( someda*.
hen you say that you0ve been getting mixed feeling about a guy that you0ve been seeing, almost nothing else can give the guy an e=ual sense of being confused and an4ious about !ust what it is that your opinion of his is.
t0s not like you0re outright telling him that you want nothing to do with him, but at the same time, you are leaving the perfect amount of uncertainty in the corner of the room for him to think about.
hen you show that you yourself are uncertain about where things could be headed between the two of you, you0ll be showing him that you0re anything but stuck in the same old set routine.
2e0ll be forced to accept the fact that you yourself are a person of a life that is always sub!ect to change, which will let him know that getting involved with you will not e=uate to anything resembling boredom.
"se these phrases strategically and honestly, and you0ll find that !ust about any guy will be prone to pursuing you well into the time in which you two are actually together:
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%end him on the adventure of getting to know you instead of laying it all out on the table like a boring, linear te4tbook about yourself.
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Cha)ter 12 + Secret antas* =hrases Now let me lead into this by saying that have no understanding of whether or not this is actually appropriate or not, but at the same time, have to address it due to the fact that it0s one of the most common =uestions that get from women that provide counsel for. The most common =uestion that usually get from these women is related to their intimate lives. They may word it in slightly nuanced ways, but at the end of the day, it boils down to this 1 “2ow
do satisfy him more in bed38
“2ow
can become the only woman in his dreams38
“2ow
can become a part of his most intense fantasies8
5ou know, it0s actually often said that men oftentimes fall on the visual spectrum when it comes to what kinds of things are best at attracting them. e have a lot of studies out there claiming that as long as a man has something that0s visually stimulating him, he has all he needs to remain turned on, indefinitely. ell personally, have to say that don0t really agree in that theory in the slightest. don0t think there0s many men out there who will ever honestly !ust stand up and admit it, but honestly, deep down all men desire a woman who can simply make them e4perience the 175
kinds of feelings that he0s never actually been able to have before. #en seriously want to be able to think the kinds of thoughts that have never crossed their minds before, but society keeps pressing this stereotype that warps into the popular misconception of the masses 1 that men only care about the things in a woman that they can see and touch. llow me to do my part in deconstructing the destructive misunderstanding that has been so constantly perpetuated by the shallow 7researchers8 out there who claim that only the physical things are needed to keep a man consistently attracted. t0s really ama)ing that men only verbali)e it so rarely, but it really couldn0t be any truer 1 men are e4tremely interested in being with a woman that legitimately has the power to change their entireactually perspective on life and touch them in a place that they can0t run over with their fingers. Now you might recall what 0ve mentioned in the previous chapters about how there is a specific part of the human brain that is dedicated to making sense of all of the things that the eyes perceive as we take stock of our surrounding environment 1 this is what referred to as your image processing brain. Did you know that you can turn a man on !ust by delivering the kinds of words that can coalesce in his subconscious and erupt into a series of vivid images in his brain3 hen the compelling pictures in mind are powerful enough to attract him in ways that he0s never even e4pected, you are taking full advantage of the power of the image processing brain. 176
hen you0re stimulating the image processing brain in a way that can attract a man with the kind of stimuli that rock his perspective from the very core, what you0re doing is fulfilling a latent desire of his that he himself may have never been aware that he actually possessed deep down. Now, you may be wondering, how e4actly can you go about making these images manifest in the very first place3 2ow can you create these ama)ing images in a man0s mind that have the power to make him rethink and appreciate his world in ways that he never even thought possible3 The way that you can manage to create these images in a man0s mind, manually, is with the use of something that have deemed the 7%ecret /antasy 'hrases8. ith the %ecret /antasy phrases, you can consciously wield the power to paint pictures on the ephemeral frontier of man0s mind which only he willthan everalldirectly observe, but ever will appreciate with more reverence of poets of +urope appreciated pen and ink. The first thing we0re going to cover is the concept of the Tension ?(ild(). ith the Tension $uildup, you are basically working through a volley of specially tuning his emotions. 5ou are going to be working through tuning his emotions in a series of stages, and in theideas veryin first you make are going be dropping subtle hints and hisstage, mind that him to !ust a little bit tense. hen you0ve built up a suitable degree of tension, you0re going 177
to have set the stage to raise things up to the ne4t level. Now, here are some special phrases that you can use for the purpose of getting tension up to the best possible level for making a powerful impact. “ricE
' love seeing the s)ar0le in *o(r e*es /hen *o( loo0 at me. onestl*E (st seeing *o(r e*es ma0es m* heart race.
The phrases that you use in order to build up tension don0t need to be long and comple4 in order to get a high caliber of effect. ith a line as simple as mentioning that you like the way his eyes sparkle, you0ll be kicks*starting a thought process related to something that he may never even think about. hen you tell him that his eyes are sparkling, he0ll have no way to visuali)e that without representing it in his head and trying to imagine what his own sparkling eyes look like 1 most importantly, the sparking will be in relation toyou. The more he consciously imagines the mental image of his eye sparking whenever he looks at you, the more he0s going to be associating the sight of you with something that he0ll identify as a legitimate source of pleasure in his world. “ricE
6o(r nearness over/helms me. ' sho(ldn8t sa* this
b(t B(st feeling *o(r hands on m* hands sends shivers of delight race thro(gh m* bod*.
hat we have here is another e4ample of deadly effective imagery that will send him reeling into the realm of his own 178
imagination. +ven if he may have already been consciously aware of what it0s like to physically touch you, a statement like this will make him envision being with you as he touches you. +ssentially, a statement like this is going to be forcing him to associate his own sense of being with your body. 2e0s going to be associating himself with you on a deeper level, and it will all be because of the visual stimulus brought upon him with nothing more than a couple of simple sentences. “ric
the other da* /hen *o( h(gged me (ne3)ectedl* ' felt c(rrents of e3citement racing thro(gh me.
5ou could consider this phrase to be an effective e4tension of the previous %ecret /antasy phrase. 5ou0re once again leading him down a mental path in which he imagines what it0s like to be in your position as he interacts with you, which will essentially be adding a brand new dimension to his perception of the two of you as a single item. “ric
/hen *o( gentl* held m* hand the other da* m* heart started )o(nding as if it /as going to B(m) o(t of m* chest.
ith this, you0re going to be planting a powerful visual stimulus and a virtual touch*stimulus into his head. ny time that he holds your hand again, he !ust might feel phantom palpitations in his own heart that lead him to 179
imagining what it must be like to have a heart that0s legitimately feeling like it could beat right out of the chest. f he thinks about his heart beating out of his chest often enough, and that thought is associated with you, it0s going to turn out that eventually he won0t even actually need to try and recall that specific mental scenario you0ve raised to him in order to feel the sensation that you0ve suggested to him. HricE
t really doesn0t get much more honest than this. ith this phrase, you have effectively fused the advantages of being both innocent and naughty in your dialog. s we mentioned before, it takes more than !ust what0s physical in order to turn a man on 1 however, you can still build upon the influence of the physical by supporting it with a mental image. great strength of this fantasy phrase is that you are at once giving him something that makes an impact on the carnal urges of his primal brain while at once implying the e4istence of potential for something a lot greater than !ust what he could get from being physical with any other girl he meets at the bar. The more that he thinks about the tantali)ing sensation you suggest to him with this phrase, coupled with the mental image of you yourself and the concept of a special relationship, the more inclined he0ll be to think about things getting serious between the two of you. “ric
Do *o( remember /hen /e first met and ho/ o(r 0nees mista0enl* br(shed (st that slight to(ch of *o( 180
on me made m* heart accelerate li0e cra@*.
Now with this fantasy phrase, you are introducing the power of stimulating his memory. 2e will be considering the idea of being with you in the present moment, the future, and the past as well. hen he gets to thinking about that past scenario that you brought up with your suggestion about your physical touch in the past, he may be naturally inclined to think about other past events that involved the two of you. ith !ust one fantasy phrase such as this, you can effectively set your man on the track to =ualitatively assessing all of the past moments that you two have ever shared together. 5ou0re basically going to be setting into a motion an entire narrative of your relationship within his mind. “ricE
' don8t 0no/ if ' sho(ld sa* this or not b(t *o(r 0isses are an addiction ' crave them dail*.
Now this is one of the simplest fantasy phrases that you can employ, but it is strikingly powerful all the same. There are few more iconic sensations for a human being than the touch of another person0s lips on the skin, and so when it comes to creating a fleshed*out fantasy, something such as this will be e4ceedingly hard to beat. hen you deliver a phrase like this, he0s going to be running through virtual stimulations in his head that involve the two of you kissing 1 if he does this often enough, then it will actually be as though he0s literally kissing you every time that he thinks about e4actly what you said. 181
“ric
*o( ma0e me feel li0e the most im)ortant /oman in the /orld F honestl* that t(rns me on in /a*s ' can8t describe.
s we0ve already maintained, effective fantasy phrases are a practice in the art of being simultaneously naughty and nice. 5ou0re honestly letting him know that you have a fantasy about the two of you being more than !ust a casual flee, but at the same time, you0re letting him know what something else sits at the base too 1 something raw and saucy that can add a bit of embellishing edge to your emotional e4pressiveness.. s we mentioned already, men like to be in the company of women that can make them think in ways that they never thought of before. There may be plenty of women he0s met in the past who have complimented him on his looks, but when you tell him that the fact that he prioriti)es you turns you on, he might be taken aback and intrigued at the same time. There are some couples out there who can go for years at a time without being able to articulate to one another the same amount of raw emotion and honestly contained in the above phrase, and so when you do something like this, you0re striking a cord within him that may rarely ever actually get struck. “ricE
ooseb(m)s e3)lode all over me.
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This is glorious tag*team attack that involves eighty percent of all of his senses 1 sight, smell, touch and sound all at the same time. This is a fantasy phrase that depends on the power of ma4imum sensory impact, and for that reason, it0s one of the most powerful that can share with you in this guide. The dimension created by telling him that he affects such a variety of your senses will create one of the mostcomplete hypothetical dimensions that he can turn to in his spare time when you two are apart and he0s thinking about you. “ric
' sho(ldn8t sa* this b(t ' can8t hel) itE 6o( loo0ed e3tremel* handsome the other da* and ' co(ldn8t )(sh that image o(t of m* mind not even for a single second. ' don8t 0no/ this b(t /hen ' /as loo0ing at *o( that da* m* mind /as imagining things na(ght* things4O0a*E ' sho(ld sto) no/.
(emember what we mentioned before about men being attracted to women who are secure about mentioning areas in which they might be a little bit doubtful or insecure3 This phrase draws on the power of being able to be upfront about the things you0re a bit uncertain of about yourself, while at the same time, prodding him with his own se4ual imagery. $y making a point not to go into cra)y detail about the content of your half*mentioned 7naughty8 imagined things, you0re basically inviting him to fill in the blanks all on his own 1 this will be highly conducive to some e4tremely powerful and positively*reinforcing thoughts about you when the two of you are apart.
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“ric
/hen *o( h(gged me the other da* and lovingl* moved *o(r hands () F do/n m* s)ine ' felt so t(rned on that B(st controlling m* tem)tations /as a str(ggle. ?eing held b* *o( gives me the greatest feeling in the /orld.
;ust like the former phrase, this is a statement that re=uires you to be relatively open about the reality of what your limits are in regards to something as simple as impulse control. hen you do something like this, you0re creating a scenario in which he has an easily accessible mental image to be reinforced any time you do something as benign as give one another an innocent hug.
“Oh
m* godE '8ve been thin0ing abo(t *o( all nightE ' am reall* starting to lose m* sanit*. Can *o( )lease leave m* mind for a min(te
Now unlike the phrases that ask his mind to travel back to a point at which the two of you physically touched one another, this is a purely sensory stimulus e4ercise that invites him to create an entire night0s worth of limitless fantasies that you could have been having about him all night. “'
thin0 ' am starting to get addicted to *o( *o(r 0isses *o(r h(gsE O0a* ' sho(ld sto) thereE
%imple, sweet, effective and powerful 1 like the rest of the fantasy phrases, this takes the man0s mind on a trip that it will keep making returns and revisits to once he0s had time to make the mental image his own.
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$y in!ecting the mental image into something as casual as kisses and hugs, you guarantee that the image will be sharpened every time that the two of you actually do kiss or hug. “The
other da* /hen *o( /ere angr*E 't reall* t(rned me on4O0a* that8s /eird ' sho(ld sto) before it gets cra@*E
t0s not very often that a woman will e4press admiration for something as specific as man0s bad mood, and so with this, he0ll be taken aback by the sheer unconventionality of your compliment. %e4ual mental images aside, he may be intrigued at the fact that a woman can actually be turned on by his anger. “'
don8t thin0 there is an*thing hotter than loo0ing at *o(r face /hen *o( are intense it reall* )leases me in /a*s ' can8t describe.
ith a fantasy phrase like this and the one that we0ve !ust covered, you are going to be able to turn the man0s own emotions into vessels for the flight of your mental images. ny time that he0s feeling a bit pissed off or intense, he may be associating the e4perience with the thought of you when he least e4pects it. “'
never told *o( this b(t the other da* seeing *o( in that fanc* s(it tr(l* t(rned me on. O0a* ' better sto). '8ve got things to do toda* can8t let that image of *o( drive me cra@* again.
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here the last fantasy phrase set up a situation in which he0d be liable to think of you any time that he feels a certain emotion, this fantasy phrase will encourage him to think about you any time he looks at his own suit *minimal effort, ma4imum effect. “Can
*o( )lease sto) loo0ing at me /ith s(ch intensit* 't8s starting to t(rn me on in /eird /a*s. Sto) distracting me alread*. See *o(8re doing 't again4Sto) itE Sto) loo0ing at me /ith those intense e*esE
fter you make a statement like this, any time that he even briefly looks at you, he might be considering the effect that he has on your hormones with his eyes. There will be a powerful combination of the physical stimulus of your actual presence and the mental stimulus of your arousal because of it, at the same time: The sky is truly the limit when it comes to the ways that you can frame these fantasy phrases. f you can blend together a common form of physical stimulation, a genuine desire for something greater, and a bit of sensuality into a single sentence, you will have the perfect verbal techni=ue to create mental images for the purpose of enhancing his fantasies.
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Cha)ter 1 + =ermanent Obsession =hrases &nce upon a time, was on a desperate =uest to discover all of the answers in regards to men and relationships.
buried myself in psychology books, and eventually, discovered something e4tremely interesting that was called 7/rame Control8.
Now when learned about /rame Control, something incredible happened.
t was when discovered /rame Control that first became inspired to start developing 7&bsession 'hrases8.
/rame Control was what gave me foundation to start building up these verbal techni=ues to make any man obsessed with any woman that knows how to use them correctly.
Don0t worry, 0m not going to put you to sleep with all of the fine technical details.
0m going to cut right down to the !uicy core of it all 1 if you can understand what have to share with you there, you0ll be able to apply what you learn to every single situation you find yourself in which a guy.
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No matter who the man is, you will have the necessary foundation to get the e4act results that you0re after.
Now it is imperative that before actually give you this techni=ue, share with you some e4amples of the most common situations that you can use it in9
hen you are able to use this techni=ue effectively, you will be able to get a leg up on the competition if there are any other women who may also be interested in the man you0re after.
+ssentially, you0ll be distinguishing yourself from the herd. &nly a very, very small number of women are aware of the nature of what 0m going to be sharing with you. This techni=ue works on a broad scale, but it is not distributed nearly as widely.
To create massive amo(nts of c(riosit*
f you0ve !ust met a man for the very first time, then there is a critical period you have in which you can make the strongest possible impression that you can.
f you want to take the best advantage you can of the most critical period that you have in order to capture the man0s interest at the best possible opportunity. f you can make a killer first impression, then more than half of your work is already done.
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As an online dating advantage
n today0s day and age, online dating is no longer considered nearly as taboo as it used to be near the beginning of the rise of the nternet. &nline dating, even on /acebook, has become e4ponentially more common than it has in the past.
&ne of the beauties of this techni=ue is that it isn0t at all limited to what you0re able to do when you0re face to face with the man that you0re interested in pursuing.
$ecause this is a strictly psychological techni=ue, you can use it whether or not the person you0re interested in is actually in your immediate physical vicinity. s long as you0re communicating with the person in =uestion, you can use this techni=ue effectively.
t0s no secret that occasionally, men are going to try and test you in ways that you may not immediately e4pect.
+very now and then, there will be a man who wants to see !ust how far you0re willing to go for him 1 even if he0s not doing it consciously, you can still very well be tested by cold behavior.
f you feel like you0re on the receiving end of a 7playing hard to get8 routine, then following the principles of this techni=ue will ensure that you never have to worry about not being able to meet up to any standards that he may have.
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This techni=ue is a time*tested and verified breaker of any and all tests that women may take in regards to men who e4hibit curious behavior towards them.
ny time that you feel a man may be putting you through some kind of character test, you will have absolutely no reason to fear. nstead of dreading the character tests, you will be able to completely embrace them and dominate them before it ever even comes close to being a problem.
Now that you understand the gravity of what 0m going to be teaching you, it0s finally time to get right down to the !uicy meat of all that 0d like to share in this chapter.
This is what you0ve been waiting for 1 after you digest the full value of what have to share here, all of your man problems will seem like little more than child0s play.
Now, without further ado, here0s the vital secret that you need to know in order to draw out the full power of all of the phrases that 0ve shared with you thus far. “%uring
each interaction you have with a man, your ob is to twist everything he says to make it sound as if he is trying to get you to like him or trying to win you over.
&ut of all of the techni=ues that 0ve seen work over the years, that have been very few that 0ve seen so effective as this.
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$y making it so that each interaction you have with a man makes it seem as though he0s going on the offensive, you are basically ensuring that the ball is always s=uarely in your court instead of his.
No matter what he says or does, he will always believe that it was in fact he himself that came to the conclusion all on his own. n truth, once you master the full e4tent of this techni=ue, you will be able to secretly win the game without him ever being aware that it was you who was actually pulling the strings all along.
The man is going to be thinking that it was always he himself who was able to bring the relationship to fruition, but in truth, it will be owed entirely to your ability to control the tide behind his mental stage. hat we are essentially doing here is completely flipping the script on what he may have believed was the natural order of how a relationship between a man and woman should begin. 2e0s going to be completely thrown off.
lot of men are so used to being in control that when a woman is able to e4ercise some leverage against him, she will seem almost unnaturally powerful.
-et0s !ust take a look at an e4ample here that can shed some light on how to use this techni=ue when a man is re!ecting you indirectly9 191
im + ' don8t thin0 /e8ll get along. 6o( + ' /as thin0ing the same thing act(all*E ' mean *o( and ' are so different. 't /o(ld be /eird if /ere a co()le. ' mean ' am clearl* a little hard to handle for *o(.
Do you see what !ust happened in that scenario3 nstead of !ust going along with what he probably e4pected of you, which is to get swallowed up in your disappointment, you instead !ust simply acknowledged what he said and went along carrying the conversation, indicating that his re!ection or acceptance of you isn0t the center of your entire e4istence. $asically, what you did was take what he said and flip it right back over into something that changed the conte4t of the entire e4change 1 with a few well*placed words, you legitimately made it seem as though it was actually he himself who was getting re!ected by you all along. Now after you0ve managed to pull off something like this, you will basically force him to come to reali)ation that he0s never really understood things as much as he thought that he did. 2e0ll be =uestioning his own subconscious to the point that his confidence is significantly shaken. ith no more than !ust a single sentence, you will have given yourself the power to yank out the rug under any man who thinks they have it all figured out. t0s so simple, smooth and smart that it probably shouldn0t even be legal. Now there are two ma!or reasons why this techni=ue is as incredibly powerful as it is. Reason One + 6o( don8t acce)t /hat he sa*s.
hen you follow the process as outlined above, you are essentially breaking away from the herd that takes re!ection 192
e4tremely personally as soon as it happens. 5ou don0t have to outright say that you don0t accept his words, but when you go about things in this fashion, you engaging in a subversive practice that will befuddle him without cluing him in on what you0re actually doing. hen you show him that what he said doesn0t really matter to you all that much, you are establishing yourself as an alpha female that0s not going to be reduced to a sniveling wreck !ust because a man didn0t immediately !ump to the idea of being with her. There are far too many men out there who seem to have this misconception that every little thing that they say is immediately validated by default. (ather than thinking of e4actly what the reason may be why they said G, 5, or H, they will immediately !ump to assuming that there0s no need to think about it at all. -ots of men are e4tremely used to women taking everything that they say at face value without a second doubt, and so when a woman comes along who isn0t ready to !ust buy whatever he sells right away, an e4tremely real sense of uncertainty is created within them. Reason T/o + e feels the need to B(stif* himself to *o(.
$y twisting his words around in such a way, you0ve made it seem as though he was the one actually pursuing you all along 1 when you push him into this )one, you0ve made it so that essentially he0s going to feel like he has to !ustify his stance. hen you make it seem as though the man has actually been the one who has been attracted to you all along, he0ll suddenly feel like he has to fight to !ustify e4actly whatever it is that he said in the first place.
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2ere0s the best part about using this techni=ue effectively 1 even though you0ll be transferring all of the power in the e=uation to yourself, he0ll have no idea that you actually wield as much power as you do. 2e0ll !ust be so preoccupied with his own feelings of confusion that it won0t ever cross his mind that you were the one who orchestrated it all from the very beginning. Now here are a couple of e4amples of the ways that you can use these phrases to your advantage whenever the time may arise. irst date sit(ations4 im + L
s was said before, men love to believe that they0ve got you on the ropes at all times !ust because they think they0re being smooth or smart. f you tell him to slow down, it0s going to instantly shatter any perception he has they he0s the one who has all of the control in the e=uation. im + So do *o( li0e me 6o( + H
2e0ll probably be thinking that the way he worded this =uestion will !ust be a great way of baiting you into revealing all of the reasons why you think he0s great, but when you give him a reply like this, he0s instead going to be wondering why you won0t let down your defenses as easily as he e4pected. 194
im + L'f he gets a little nervo(sM. 6o( + 't8s o0a*E 't8s c(te /hen a g(* gets nervo(s aro(nd me.
Fuys can be e4tremely insecure about revealing anything about themselves that could be interpreted as weak, and so when you call him out like this, it may set off a couple of alarms in his head that make him wonder about how he0s doing with the impression he0s leaving on you. dding in that you think he0s cute when he0s nervous is going to do two every useful things 1 for one, it0s going to make it so that he knows you0ve still got at least an iota of interest in him in spite of the fact that you got a little bit nervous around him. t the same time, calling him cute is also going to add to the uncertainty factor !ust a little bit too. Chances are that he0s going to be slightly torn about whether or not your remark means that you think he0s more on the endearing side or the dorky side, and that will serve you well in ensuring that he doesn0t get too cocky about thinking he0s got all of the control in the e=uation. im + 6o( are )rett*E 6o( + Than0 *o( B(st don8t thin0 an*thing na(ght* *et.
Fuys are oftentimes wrestling around with ideas about ways that they can e4press their interest without coming across as sounding too pervy, so when you do this, there0s a chance he might be taken aback by the fact that you latched on to the naughtiness element without being prompted by anything e4plicitly naughty from him first.
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im +
2e probably e4pects you to try and find all kinds of ways that he0s wrong when you say something like this, but when you simply agree with him, you0ll be showing him that you0re not like all of those other desperate and clingy girls who can0t last more than a couple of hours without some man0s approval. 5ou show that you0re a person, not an unfinished half waiting to be claimed. im + ' 0no/ *o( li0e me. 6o( + 6eah ' li0e *o( *o(8re c(te b(t a little anno*ing.
2e0s probably preparing for you to deny the fact that you like him after he says this, but after you come back by confirming that you do and calling him annoying, it will be like a double* whammy blow to his e4pectations that leaves his head spinning. im + '8m not too s(re this is /or0ing o(t. 6o( + 't8s o0a* *o( don8t need to )retend. ' totall* sa/ *o( chec0ing me o(t m(lti)le times.
2ere you are not even accepting his idea of re!ection, rather you are flipping the tables by letting him know that you never really thought the two of you could work well together as a couple anyway. This would instantly put him in the submissive seat < he would wonder if you even liked him at all. 2ere are a few more =uick e4amples you can use once your date is over < you0re headed back home "se these as te4ts.
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“'t
/as a great nightN 't /as c(te to see *o( snea0il* chec0ing me o(t. “6o(
are a nice g(* ' li0e *o( and it /as c(te ho/ *o( 0e)t staring at me as ' finished m* food. “6o(
/ere so nice toda* let8s ho)e *o( maintain this in the f(t(re. “6o(
h(gged me li0e a bab* h(gs his motherE 't /as c(te. '8d li0e to see *o( again. “'
0no/ *o( had a lot of f(n4This m(st have been one of the best dates *o(8ve ever had. ' ho)e *o( don8t stal0 me after this.
f you are in a relationship, here are some 7&bsession 'hrases8 for various relationship situations9f he is arguing with you and highly angry, say the following9 “Did someone tell *o( ho/ c(te *o( loo0 /hen *o(8re angr* 6o(r little nose goes all red. “'
don8t mind *o(r anger as long as ' get to see this hot intensit* on *o(r face. 't8s so damn se3*E
s mentioned before, a lot of guys !ust aren0t too familiar with the fact that there are lots of girls who are actually =uite attracted to they0re intense e4pressions. 2e probably e4pects to come back at you by denying that your nose gets red when you0re mad, but he won’t be e4pecting it to get thrown right back at him. This is !ust a cute little way to reverse the script and put him in a role where he seeks your validation.
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f he is acting distant, say the following9 “
/ith all the s(dden distance Act(all* never mindE ' 0no/ *o( love me a lot and /on8t be able to 0ee) *o(r hands a/a* from me for too longE
of men do e4pect women clingy and thirsty forlot attention when theytheir pull away fortoa grow long enough period of time, but when you honor his distance without even asking why he0s acting so distant in the very first place, he0s going to be pleasantly surprised. f he is lecturing you, say the following9 “'t8s
so c(te F hot /hen *o( lect(re me li0e thatE
Fuys love to pull the 7it0s so cute when you do G,5,H8 card on a girl when she0s frustrated, but it0s not often that they0ll be talked to in this way at the same time 1 let him have it and watch the confusion run over his face when it happens. f he wants to be left alone, say the following9 “O0a*E
=lease have all the time *o( /ant. ither /a* ' 0no/ ho/ cra@* *o(8re abo(t me and /on8t be able to 0ee) *o(r hands a/a* from me for too long.
Knowing the right time to give you partner space is an essential aspect of any relationship, and so being able to remain secure in your appeal even when it isn0t immediately apparent will score a lot of points in your court. “Koo0E
5o need to )la* an* games /ith me ' 0no/ *o( alread* /ant me.
-ots of guys e4pect girls to take the backseat and remain passive when it comes to the progression of a relationship, but when you show that you0re not about the mind game business, you0ll snap him out of any misunderstanding he has about it. 198
2e0ll know you mean business. “'
li0e a man /ho challenges me b(t ' can alread* see ho/ badl* *o( /ant me.
hen you make a statement like this, there0s a good chance that youthat could actually be makingabout the man fairly about the fact he0s too transparent all of the nervous things that he wants 1 this will break any illusion he has that he0s controlling the momentum. “Oh
so *o(8re going to )la* hard to get 5iceE ' li0e a man /ho )(ts an effort into /inning me over. OR “So
do *o( al/a*s )la* hard to get ' 0no/ *o( have a c(te side to *o( /hich is hiding some/here.
Fuys love to play hard to get because they believe we0re clueless about when it0s actually happening, but when you show that you0re fully aware of what he0s trying to pull, it will snap him out of that false sense of security. %o by now you should understand the basic science behind it all: Twist a guy0s words around like this, and in no time flat, you spark a level of attraction and desire within him that may have seemed impossible before.
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Cha)ter 1" + S(bconscio(s ?onding =hrases Do you think you know what the single most important element is that can inspire a man to truly care about a woman3 The element that 0m coming from is the kind that fully awakens the instincts within him that compel him to embrace his role as a protector. 0m talking about the instincts within him that truly arouse his natural need for commitment, instead of the reasons a woman will try to give him to want commitment. hat 0m telling you here is that if you can unlock this e4tremely powerful element, you will have what it takes to make a man actually desire to be committed to youforever. s a matter of fact, the woman who can master the core of this element will essentially be fulfilling her man in a way that absolutely nothing else in the world can. 2e0s never going to want to lose you, and it will all be because of hundreds of tiny factors that blend together and create a grand picture of paradise with someone he sees as the ultimate partner. ith nothing more than the most subtle gestures, you will be able to trigger a certain kind of affection within him that you will literally be able to feel 1you0ll be able to feel the affection pulsing from within him when he holds you, when he hugs you, when his head is on your shoulder and in the way that he plays 200
with your hair. This is the kind of affection that compels a man to tell his woman that she is even more than everything he has ever desired in his life, in any other kind of way. %o now, what e4actly is this wonderful element that 0m referring to3 The element can be best described if first tell you a story. 2ave you ever heard about the story of the 7#agical /isherman83 &nce upon a time, there were fishermen that had made a sport out of competing amongst themselves to see which among them could collect the most fish. The fishermen0s competition was so incredibly fierce that it took them all the way to the deepest ends of the oceans. /or hours at a time, these fishermen would care about nothing else aside from catching as many fish as possible in order to come out on top above all of the rest out there fishing with them. t was said that if a fisherman was able to capture ten fish or more in a single day, it would be considered his 7lucky day8 1 this was due to the fact that most of the time, the average fisherman failed to capture even half of what would be considered necessary for his 7lucky day8. 2owever, there was one fisherman among all of the rest who managed to stand out by being capable of catching far more 201
than the average amount of fish on a regular basis. /or this one particular fisherman, it would seem as though every single day was always his 7lucky day8 when it came to the daily haul. Not only was this one fisherman capable of catching at least ten fish per day, but he was actually even able to regularly outshine the other by over ten times what they were able to catch on afisherman regular basis. This miraculously successful fisherman could be described as short, beardy, messy, and wielded an impressively large gut. &n the outside, there was nothing remarkable about him besides the fact that he was slightly messier than the average man. This short, beardy, heavy man was able to reel in fifty of si4ty fish per day, in comparison to the other fishermen0s typical hauls of about five or si4 fish in a day. Naturally, all of the other fishermen were more than !ust a little bit !ealous of the man0s seemingly ine4plicable success with his daily hauls. ith his almost unnatural success rate, the man managed to inspire more than a few ambitious copycats. Try as they might to emulate the man0s success, none of them were successful. They got similar fishing rods to him, used bait that was similar to the kind that he used, and yet they were still generally unable to capture more than ten fish per day at even their best. hen they were finally devoid of all hope, they found no other choice than to approach the man directly and ask him !ust what e4actly the secret was behind his insane success rate. The bearded man0s reply was low and subtle. 2e replied, *7 try 202
to think like the fish, while everyone else is thinking like a fisherman.8 2e continued, 7+veryone else is always trying to focus on getting a better rod, or better bait. They are completely ignoring what the true target in =uestion is 1the /%2.8 75ou might not know this 1 but fish prefer a certain kind of water temperature, so they swim to a specific place in the ocean where the water suits them.8 7There are certain times during the day when they0re most hungry, and most likely to be lured into bait.8 %o in a nutshell, this man was studying how to be psychologically in*sync with his target. nstead of attempting to con=uer the fish from the outside, with his gear, he instead chose to understand the fish on the inside. $y studying the psychological thought process of the fish that he was after, this man was able to make it so that he would never be confused about how the fish would be behaving on any given day. hile other man scratched their heads about why fish wouldn0t take a bit of their bait, this man knew in advance that the spot they were fishing in was a poor choice. The moral of the story is this6 if you want to catch fish, then you have to think like the fish. t0s really as simple as that. Now chances are that you0re not looking to catch si4ty fish, though, so what does this have to do with you3
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n truth, if you0re looking to unlock the deepest amount of affection within your man that you can, then the story of the magical fisherman is related to everything that you want. 5ou see, most women out there are stuck approaching their relationship issues in a manner that can actually be compared to the average fishermen in the story. n essence, these women are making the first ma!or mistake that the magical fisherman outlined 1 they are thinking like fishermen instead of the fish themselves. Translated into relevant relationship terms, this means that the women are more concerned with becoming the best man* chasers than they can instead of choosing to invest time in learning the secrets of the male thought process.
%o if you have no problem understanding that, it0s time to move onto that secret element that 0ve been referring to all this time. The element that we are concerned with here is none other than the element of understanding. n order to get any man to bond with you on a subconscious level, you must first (nderstand the core )s*cholog* and tho(ght )rocess of men even better than the* themselves do.
don0t e4aggerate when say that it is absolutely imperative that you (nderstand them men better than the* (nderstand themselves and give them e3actl* /hat the* need /itho(t act(all* having to verbali@e /hatever it is.
Now you may be wondering how you can actually accomplish something that sounds so ma!or. 204
2ow is it possible for us to understand men even better then they themselves do3 /ortunately, you don0t actually have to know the answer to why it0s possible to understand men better than they understand themselves. The answer is so damn simple that you0re probably actually going to want to kick yourself for not knowing it all along. 2ere0s the simple answer that0s eluded so many women for years before making them kick themselves from its e4treme simplicity 1 7 man desperately wants to be seen as a 72+(&8 in your eyes, and he often feels an unconscious, strong attention to woman who is able to validate the special need that he has to feel like a savior.8 Now, you may be wondering, what do you need to do in order to validate his need to feel like a celebrated hero3 ll that you need to do is use what like to call the 7%ubconscious $onding8 phrases. There best way to illustrate what these are is !ust by providing some clear cut e4amples, and 0ve prepared a number of those below. 7' am so )ro(d to have *o( in m* life. 6o(8ve reall* made me a better /oman. Than0 *o( for that.
e0ve talked a lot about how much men want to be valued as 205
heroes and one*of*a*kind saviors, and a statement like this satisfies that need very plainly. f you0re able to make him feel like he0s needed as a source of positive energy and safety, he0s going to subconsciously attach himself to you 1 even though this is a fairly simple phrase, it accomplishes what we0re after. 7'8ve been feeling e3tremel* e3cited latel* beca(se ' reali@ed that ' get to /atch *o( become this reall* ama@ing man first hand. ' am s(ch a l(c0* /oman to have that o))ort(nit*.
Not only does this phrase make him feel like he0s your hero, but it also makes him proud of the fact that you0re admiring his power. Not only is he going to be subconsciously attaching himself to you toto the factconsidering that he feels like he0s your hero, but he0s also due going start a source of legitimate power you as well. 7' feel so loved beca(se of the /a* that *o( Lhere *o( insert the action or behavior that he is e3hibiting to/ard *o(.M
The possibilities with a phrase like this truly are limitless, and no matter what action it is that you mention, it0s going to positively reinforce that action and the amount of subconscious attraction that he had towards you at the same time. hen you say that he makes you feel loved, you are instantly making him feel like that hero in your eyes that he strives to become every single say in order to feel fulfilled as man.
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Not only will he feel like a hero, but also, when that action is reinforced, he0s going to do it more often and with higher enthusiasm 1 this is mutually beneficial for the both of you. 7' have never had a man ma0e me feel so (nderstood. ' am so ha))* that ' can call *o( m* man beca(se *o( reall* 0no/ ho/ to com)lete me.
This statement strokes ego of the man0s inner hero in the same way as the previous phrase, and in addition to that, it more strongly personali)es the effect of his heroism on you yourself as a person. hen he subconsciously attaches himself to you, based on a phrase like this, he0s going to be much more likely to associate his sense of being with your own sense of being.
t the same time that he considers himself to be your hero, he will be all the more likely to also see you as a vital component of who he is and a legitimate source of his heroic power. 7' noticed that recentl* *o(8ve reall* been /or0ing hard on Lhere *o( insert the action or behaviorM. ' /ant *o( to 0no/ ho/ m(ch ' reall* admire that abo(t *o( and a))reciate that. 't8s reall* motivating to see *o( /or0ing on that and ' love that abo(t *o(.
Now you probably fully understand by now that all men want to feel like their efforts are being appreciated 1 this means that addition to wanting to feel like they0re your hero, they also want to be able to feel like you admire them for the things they0re doing that may not directly relate to you at the same time. hen you show him that you legitimately care about the things that he0s invested in, he0s going to feel more motivated to 207
pursue those interests of his that get him out of bed in the morning as a core component of the kind of person that he is by default. hen he starts to pursue his own interest at a more intense pace due to the fact that you admire him for it, he0s going to start you as a person more with that very thing associating that he0s e4tremely invested in asclosely a person. 2e is going to start seeing you as synonymous with the satisfaction of his passions, which conse=uently, will make it so that he actually starts to identify you as one of his passions. -ots of couples dissolve because the partners composing them aren0t able to find a balance between who they are as a couple and who they are as people, but with a statement like this, you are showing him that your admiration for him can actually enhance the satisfaction that he gets from pursuing everything that makes him the kind of person he is in the very first place. 7' reall* love it /hen *o( Lhere *o( insert an actionM. 't ma0es me feel Lhere *o( insert *o(r )ositive reactionM. 'n fact recentl* ' have been feeling that ' have a lot to learn from *o( beca(se of this fact. 6o( reall* ma0e it so eas* to love *o( and *o( ma0e me tr(l* /ant to be the best /oman that ' can be for *o(.
The most long*lasting couples don0t !ust benefit from one another in terms of the warmth that they feel from one another 1 they also benefit from being able to learn from one another and develop as people. hen you tell you man that you are able to benefit simply from understanding who he is as a person, you are basing the entire 208
foundation of the relationship from a place that is e4tremely positive and conducive to happiness for the both of you. t the same time, you will be making him feel like more than !ust a hero 1 you will be making him feel like a teacher, someone who has something valuable to share with the world in terms of bringing out the best in everyone around them. hen you e4press that he makes you want to become the best woman that you can be, you are also e4pressing to him that you are the kind of woman that wants to growwith him instead of !ust riding on his back 1 a high*=uality man will appreciate the fact that you are ambitious enough to want to better yourself and bring something to the table. ere are a fe/ more e3am)les of these )hrases4
7Sometimes /hen *o( Lhere *o( insert an actionM it reall* ma0es me feel Lhere *o( insert a )ositive reactionM. ' reall* res)ect that abo(t *o(. 76o( are al/a*s so )atient and (nderstand even /hen ' am being diffic(lt. 5o man /ill ever do that. ' highl* admire that (alit* in *o(. 7' feel so m(ch ha))iness /hen ' see all the little things *o( do for me. ' care for *o( ver* dee)l* and res)ect ever*thing *o( do for me. 7Oh m* godE 6o( are s(ch a gifted h(man being *o( are able to find sol(tions to reall* diffic(lt )roblems. ' don8t 0no/ ho/ ' co(ld ever manage /itho(t *o( b* m* side.
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7' feel so safe and )rotected /hen *o( hold me tight. Than0 *o( so m(ch for being s(ch a loving h(sbandJbo*friend. 7' admire ho/ m(ch *o( do for meE 'n fact ' am not doing eno(gh. Than0 *o( so m(ch for being there for me.
7'8ve never told *o( this b(t ' feel )ro(d to be b* *o(r side.
7>oodnessE o/ do *o( manage to handle diffic(lt )roblems so /ell 't8s a ver* rare (alit*. ' admire *o( for that. 76o( are s(ch an (nselfish )erson. Than0 *o( for doing so m(ch for me. 7Altho(gh /e fight a lot have ' ever told *o( that *o(8ll al/a*s be m* most favorite )erson in the /orld ' admire and res)ect *o( more than *o( 0no/. 76o(8re s(ch a tho(ghtf(l man for caring for me /henever ' need itE Than0 *o(. 76o(r )resence gets me e3cited even /hen ' am having a bad da*E Than0s for being s(ch an ins)iration.
$y now, hope you get the idea and this is !ust the beginning. 5ou can come up with plenty of similar phrases on your own by using these lines as the source. 210
Cha)ter 1! + onogam* A/a0ener =hrases n my time of providing counsel to my clients in need of relationship advice, have come to hear one recurring story more than a couple of times. f you can identify with these clients of mine, then your story probably goes something like this6
5ou0ve been seeing him for several weeks, even several months or years, and you !ust know in the pit of your heart that he0s truly in love with you. 2e gives you plenty of respect, he took his time completing the chase, and he eventually won you over.
5et even after putting in all of the work that0s e4pected of a man who truly wants to spend his life with a special woman, there is something holding him back at the end of the day.
5ou can0t =uite place your finger on what e4actly it is, but you know that there0s something keeping him from fully committing to you for good.
5ou definitely haven0t !ust been sitting idly by while he wrestles with his indecision. 5ou0ve directly asked him how he feels, but try as you might, it !ust seems as though you0re moving further away from any kind of final resolution.
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The most solid answer that you0re able to draw out of him is that he !ust doesn0t feel like he0s =uite 7ready8 for a complete commitment.
Now if you0ve gone as asking him about commitment and marriage directly, even though your honesty is certainly commendable, it0s not e4actly the best way to go about things if you want to make some legitimate progress.
f you really want to see some legitimate steps towards consolidating a strong relationship with the man that you0re feeling is truly the one for you, then it has to be him that makes that final choice 1 you will only know if it0s the real deal if he actually takes some initiative in consolidating a true committed relationship with you.
Now chances are that you0ve actually e4pressed to him how much the idea of commitment truly means to you. 5ou may have e4plicitly mentioned to him that commitment is something that means a lot to you and that settling down and having children is something that you definitely foresee in your future.
+ven though you0ve fully let him know how vital the concept of commitment is to the kind of person that you are, he still hasn0t done anything to indicate that he0s going to pop the =uestion any time soon.
5our every thought regarding commitment with is filled with confusion, befuddlement, frustration, dissatisfaction, and yet 212
still a strangely powerful hope.
There0s no denying that you0re as ready as you can possibly be, but you still need him to be ready before anything can actually happen.
n order to ensure that he0s as much onboard with committing to you as possible, you can aim to show your man that committing to you isn0t going to be a boring chore with no e4citement.
n addition to showing him that commitment to you can be fun, you should be showing him that committing to you will be supportive as well.
5ou need to show this man that you0re not !ust going to be another woman that0s going to stifle him and hold him back from his potential. 5ou need to show him that everything he wants and needs is something that you can provide, without a shred of clinginess and neediness.
Now do you remember e4actly what it was like when you met your man for the very first time3 Do you remember what it was like when you first felt that he was actually interested in you3
Do you remember what it was that first gave you two the spark that let you know that the two of you actually had the potential to be something greater3 'erhaps it was all your self*assurance about the matter. 'erhaps you were in a place in your life in which you e4uded so much self*confidence and stability that he 213
respected you for it.
hen a woman doesn0t appear like she0s desperate to get with the first man that can support her, she distinguishes herself from thousands of other women that scare men away from seeming like they0ll sap the life, energy and money out of them.
hen you attracted your man to you for the very first time, maybe it was because you actually had something to bring to the table. 'erhaps it was a combination of the warmth of your company, your interest, your friends, and your general life satisfaction.
Chances are that when you first ever actually met your man, you gave him a legitimate sense of fun. 'erhaps you were able to spendeven as much time with another as you wanted, without the slightest bitone of pressure.
'erhaps in addition to having good times with one another, you could actually en!oy learning things about each other at the same time.
No matter where it is that you actually went with one another, you could bask in the radiance of one another0s company 1 the movies, the pi))eria, dinner at the lake, it didn0t even matter.
hen things were at their best point between the two of you, you probably weren0t even aware of it, and chances are that you weren0t aware of it either. Now, at this point in time, you two have come to a point in time in which you are consciously 214
aware of the dynamic.
n this newfound consciousness, you are prepared for the chance of something more, and he is not yet sure if he is ready to full dive into something at an entirely new level.
/or a man, you see, commitment is never something that can be decided overnight 1 not even close. man has to take into account every single e4perience that they0ve ever shared with you, from the big ones to the small ones, and use that in their process of consideration.
&ftentimes, the man is going to think about what the forecast of the relationship truly is. man has to think about what the ne4t few years being with you are actually going to entail before he makes the decision thathave determines the rest of hishe0s entire life 1 hopefully, it doesn0t to be a decision that going to regret.
s we0ve covered more than a couple of times so far, humans are naturally inclined to seek out pleasure and avoid pain. e seek out positive reinforcement of our behavior, and we actively and subconsciously avoid feelings of negative punishment.
Naturally, if a man associates being with you with an unpleasant stimulus, going to to want avoid the idea feelings of it all cost. the idea ofhe0s committing youtotriggers painful in hisf body, he0s going to make not committing to you as the very top of his priorities.
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Now before move onto the ne4t point, have to point out the fact that this may not be taken as completely politically correct 1 try not to hate me for this. n the worst case scenario, a woman is going to wind up getting more rights than the man in e=uation.
$ecause of the asymmetry in rights, a lot of men are very inclined to support the idea of prenups before entertaining the idea of marriage.
0m not here to defend the male side over the rest of my ladies, but we have to play it straight. f there was ever a moment in which it seemed like divorce was imminent, you would be full entitled to a part of finances, real estate, and a percentage of everything else that he has too.
%o, you see, the male fear of commitment is deeper than !ust not being able to see as many different women as he wants 1 it is an e4tremely real, valid fear that he has. +ven if a man completely adores you, there is a high chance that he0s going to be highly consumed by the fear in his heart about what the hard implications of the risks are.
2ere0s another thing to be concerned about 1if your man has had a bad e4perience in the past, and especially one in which he legitimately invested a huge part of himself, body and soul, he0s going to be even less open to the idea of putting himself on the line again.
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f he faced a horrible divorce or breakup in the past, you0ve got a serious challenge up ahead in getting him to subscribe to the idea of committing to you and giving it another try.
Now even though all of these reasons are very strong, at the end of the day, they are really only surface*level reasons 1 the bigger reasons are generally much deeper than that.
&nce upon a time, had a client who was at a loss for how to understand why her boyfriend couldn0t ever seem to fully commit to her.
asked her to give me !ust a few details about what the nature of her relationship is, reali)ed something 1 the things that they argued over were always the smaller things.
They fought at lot, but at the same time, almost nothing that they fought over ever actually seemed to merit the e4treme fallout that resulted from it.
Despite the obvious fact that she and her man were generally arguing over nothing, she didn0t seem to fully understand the situation.
could see that her boyfriend was observing every single one of her reactions to the little things that didn0t matter individually, but cumulatively, they determined the course of where things were going to head in the long term. $efore a commitment actually happens, a man will take note of 217
how you react to smaller issues in the relationship 1 if the way that you handle those things isn0t something that he can see himself dealing with on a larger scale, then the chances of him settling are far less than they could be.
/or all of these reasons, you need to keep these three things into mind if you want your man to commit to you e4clusively. ?. Act li0e *o( are com)letel* sec(re /ith or /itho(t him hen you don0t actually depend on a guy to make you happy, you0re never going to look like you0re going to be a desperate and codependent person.
5ou are going to be bursting with a kind of radiant, powerful energy that endears you to a man as a mature person who won0t wear him down with neediness. 2e0s going to feel more secure with you. A. Demonstrate that *o( are inde)endent bove all else, you need to show your man that you would like to commit, but you don0t actually need him to commit to you in order to feel fulfilled as a human being.
man needs to know that if he doesn0t want you in his life, it0s not going to utterly destroy you from the inside out.
Not depending on your man0s approval for anything is not only going to make him feel better, but it0s also going to make you feel better about your life in general as well.
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This is going to show your man that a committed relationship with you doesn0t e=uate to !ust being trapped or caged.
5ou aren0t trying to force your man into doing something that he has no will at all to do 1 on the other hand, you are giving this man the absolute freedom he needs to follow what his heart desires.
hen a man knows that a girl0s entire sense of well*being doesn0t completely hinge upon whether or not he approves of her, he0s not going to feel like he0s suddenly been trapped into the position of responsibility for everything that she needs in the world.
hen he knows that his woman is completely independent, it0s going to make him want to capture her instead 1 massive difference here, isn0t it3
E. Demonstrate )ositive mindset t may not be the easiest thing in the world to do, but even when things aren0t going entirely in your favor, you will benefit massively from knowing how to e4ude a real glow of positivity when it comes to the way that you conduct yourself around your man on an everyday basis.
hen can show your man that you aren0t a negatively*minded person, you will have mastered what is possibly the most important of all of the things that have given to you to learn in this guide. 219
(emember, humans seek out positivity and actively avoid the things that fill them with negativity.
f you can show to your man that you will make him laugh instead of nagging him, he is naturally going to be more attracted to you and idea of actually committing to you down the line 1 if you0re negative, it0s the opposite.
Now there are three ma!or reasons why it may seem like your man may be prevented from committing to you ?.
2e feels that his freedom is !eopardi)ed.
A. 2e feels like he may be burdened down with more responsibility than he can handle. E. 2e fears that his life is going to change for the worse if he does.
There are more than few ways you can steer him away from fearing these three things, and they come in the form of my 7#onogamy wakener8 phrases. 0ve prepared some e4amples below.
f he0s afraid that you might lock him down, try something like * HS/eetheart ' 0no/ *o(8re concerned and /e8ve alread* disc(ssed this before. ' 0no/ *o( love *o(r H*o( time and ' /ant *o( to 0no/ ' love *o( too. '8m not abo(t t*ing *o( do/n and s)ending ever* min(te /ith *o(. ' (nderstand that each of (s /o(ld /ant to have the freedom in o(r lives to contin(e o(r o/n interests a)art 220
from each other sometimes. That8s health* for *o( and for me and ' /o(ldn8t /ant it an* other /a*.
This is going to make it so that your man knows that you legitimately respect his alone time, which will prevent him from feeling like committing to him is going to trap him into something that he0ll never escape from and regain his independence. H' believe in having a life of o(r o/n o(tside of the relationshi). (st beca(se /e8re together doesn8t mean /e sho(ld do ever*thing together. ' /o(ld love it if *o( s)end some free time /ith *o(r b(ddies and do things on *o(r o/n.
$efore a man commits, he wants to be able to know that he0s not going to be giving up everything that makes him feel like his life is actually his own. ith a statement like this, you are ensuring that he knows you have no intention of altering his lifestyle or assimilating him into yours.
Now if he starts fearing that he might have to provide for you financially because of this new commitment, you can say...
Hone*E ' donPt believe that a man is res)onsible for )roviding ever*thing. ' B(st /ant *o( to 0no/ that /hether it8s financiall* or other/ise /e /o(ld be in this together and that it ta0es t/o to tango.
/inancial struggles are one of the most common and also one of the most legitimate fears that a man has in regards to what it means to commit to you.
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lot of men want to believe that their relationship won0t end up financially compromising them, but with this statement, you make it one hundred percent clear that he has nothing to worry about.
-etting him know that you are going to take financial responsibility for yourself is not only going to alleviate him of any fears that he has about losing his money in a relationship with you, but it0s also going to help him respect you more as an individual person and not !ust a liability 1 it will feel good to assert your own independence as well.
f he fears that his life will change for the worse, you can say things like9
H' am not the 0ind of a /oman /ho believes in loc0ing her men do/n. ' e3)ect *o( to have a life of *o(r o/n o(tside of o(r relationshi).
&nce again, this is something that !ust about all men fear to an e4tent, but rarely get verbally comforted about. f you can show him that have full intentions of allowing him to indulge in his freedom, you are not only putting him at ease, but you0re also probably motivating him to keep on living the fullest life that he can.
H' 0no/ that a lot of g(*s are /orried abo(t commitment ma0ing their life less e3citing b(t tr(st me ' am all abo(t 0ee)ing things as f(n as )ossible. ' /ant life /ith *o( to be an advent(re.
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ith a statement as simple as this, you are showing your man that you0re not content to live out the days of your relationship trapped of doing the same old thing, day in and day out.
hen a relationship is an adventure, it is something that only continues to be enriching and empowering as you move on along* when it0s a routine, it0s !ust a slow death.
2umans love to engage in what gives them positive energy instead of negative energy, so when you illustrate that you0d like to keep things fun instead of !ust letting things get monotonous, you make a pledge to avoid the negative and embrace the positives.
ll of these phrases represent things that committed men all hope to hear be true on things a deepconfirmed. level, but they don0t very often get to actually these
hen they can actually hear the things that they hope for deep in their heart, it will make them much more willing to commit than ninety percent of other men out there.
ith the power of #onogamy wakener phrases, you can proactively confront all of the deep*seated psychological hang* ups that a man has with commitment and nip them in the bud:
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inal
was inspired to write &bsession 'hrases based on the lessons taught by people who may not necessarily be in the business of relationship counseling, but nonetheless were all in the shared possession of something e4tremely valuable. Though these people drew inspiration from came from wildly different corners of the globe, at distantly separated points in time, each of them carried a certain powerful element 1 this element always has and always will lead anyone who carries it towards e4treme success in life, love and war. The element that 0m referring to here is the element of patience 1 the patience to be insightful instead of aggressive, and the patience of pursuing them.to draw in the things that one desires instead n a way, you could say that it is not only patience, but rather, the lucrative =ualities that result from it. e all want to be involved in the kinds of relationships that make us smile, laugh, grow and reminisce 1 that isn0t at all destructive in and of itself, but things get complicated when women and men decide that they0re running out of time. The feeling of running out of time creates fear, and when one feels fear, one makes mistakes that could have been avoided. The mistakes manifest in behaviors that are coercive, premature, and completely lacking in insight 1 all of which are perfectly capable being based in nothing but the best 224
intentions. t0s the fusion of good intentions with impatience that leads to the creation of poor relationships and the utter destruction of better relationships. anting the best but doing the worst is a fatal commitment killer, and you can observe it across couples of all ages 1 nagging, blaming, insulting, manipulating and coercing are all e4amples of what can happen because of this mindset. &bsession 'hrases is essentially a compendium of verbal tactics 0ve created in order to fuse the full reali)ations of most women0s good intentions for their relationships, while counteracting the negative effects that can result from a lack of patience in achieving those reali)ations. n essence, every one of us is fishing when it comes to finding the ultimate partner to go through life with. %ome of us have better luck that others, but nothing is ever guaranteed 1 the ones who are able to come home with the greatest bounties are those who, like the magic fisherman, have learned how tothink !ust like that which they desire. (ather than hoping to force or beg for good results, those who think like the magical fisherman have learned how to do what it takes in order to turn the odds as strongly in their favor as possible. &bsession 'hrasesinwill something more for valuable than !ust drawing thedo best possible even relationship you into your life 1 it will assist you in avoiding the worst kinds of relationships.
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hen &bsession 'hrases are spoken, they aren0t only communicated to the man that you0re involved with 1 they are also communicated to a very deep place within your own mind. These phrases that allow your man to see that you aren0t a codependent whiner will not only psychologically condition him to respect you more, but they will also condition you to reali)e your own power to a greater e4tent as a result. woman who has mastered &bsession 'hrases has not only become an e4pert in the art of syncing with the ebbs and flows of male psychology, but also a master of how own domain as well. wish you the best in reali)ing the full e4tent of what it means to ac=uire the ultimate relationship, and in the process, become an ultimately empowered woman: Obsession =hrases Revie/ 'nde3
s a small parting gift, 0ve listed all of the specific e4amples of the different types of phrases covered by each section of the guide. Now that you understand the implicit power of all of the principles we0ve covered, you can use this list to =uickly reference any of the phrases that are best suited to your particular needs:
Ra@@le-Da@@le =hrases 1.
“
' /as both e3cited and scared abo(t this. 226
2. ' am (s(all* the nicest )erson *o(8ll ever come across all m* friends sa* ' am the nicest girl the* 0no/ b(t ' have a ver* evil and /eird side to me. onestl* if ' co(ld tell *o( the /eird things '8ve done4 “
. ' don8t 0no/ if ' sho(ld tell *o( this or not ' 0no/ it8s f(nn* b(t ' have a mental chec0list for men. ' noticed fo(r reall* good (alities in *o( ?,T4/ith t/o not-so-good (alities. “
". ' don8t 0no/ if ' sho(ld tell *o( this or not ' 0no/ it8s f(nn* b(t ' have a mental chec0list for men. ' noticed fo(r reall* good (alities in *o( ?,T4/ith t/o not-so-good (alities. “
verlasting Attraction =hrases 1.
“6o(
ma0e me feel so safe and loved than0 *o(.
2. “(st thin0ing of *o( brings a smile to m* face than0 *o( for being s(ch a s)ecial )resence in m* life.
. “' love ho/ *o( 0ee) m* needs in mind even /hen ' don8t as0 *o( to. 6o(8re reall* s)ecial to me and ' B(st /anted to let *o( 0no/ that.
".
“'
reall* li0e to have someone li0e *o( b* m* side.
!.
“'8ve
never ever seen a man /ho 0no/s ho/ to 0ee) a 227
/oman )leased as m(ch as *o( do. ' am so than0f(l to be aro(nd *o(.
#. “'8ve been /anting to tell *o( this b(t '8ve been the ha))iest since the da* '8ve met *o(. 6o( give me the best feeling in the /orld. Than0 *o( so m(ch for being there for me. %. “6o(8ve been so good to me that sometimes ' don8t feel ' even deserve itE 6o(8re the best man ever than0 *o(.
$. “Remember the time /hen ' /as going thro(gh a ro(gh )atch and *o( s())orted me all the /a* ' /ant to let *o( 0no/ that ' don8t thin0 an*one else /o(ld have stood b* me li0e *o( do. ' a))reciate *o( for it.
2. “ric ' /ant to be honest /ith *o( toda*.
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. “ric ' have to confess something. ' lose m*self /hen ' am aro(nd *o(. ' get need* for *o(r love and ' am not ashamed to admit it. ' do get Bealo(s /hen other girls stare at *o(. ' long to have *o( love me adore me F cherish me and ' do (nderstand that8s an (nrealistic e3)ectation. ?(t ' B(st /anted to honestl* share m* feelings /ith *o( toda*. Than0s for being s(ch a Bo* for me. ". “6o( 0no/ ric *o( might not 0no/ this abo(t me b(t '8m a s(c0er for affection.
Attraction S)inner =hrases 1. “ric altho(gh ' reall* enBo* /hat /e share c(rrentl* ' thin0 event(all* this needs to sto). ' mean ' don8t /ant things getting too intense bet/een (s.
2. “' feel reall* good /hen /e do this b(t latel* '8ve been getting mi3ed feelings.
. “ric altho(gh *o(8re an ama@ing man b(t ' am starting to feel a little friction F it ma0es me feel /eird. Sorr*E ?(t can /e )lease ta0e a brea0 from this
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". “ric both of (s /anted to 0ee) it strictl* se3(al b(t ' feel that things are getting too intense bet/een (s. Can /e )lease ta0e a brea0 ' don8t /ant to get too dee) into this.
!. “ric /e8re doing too m(ch of this latel* can /e )lease slo/ do/n a little 6o(8ve started treating me li0e *o(r girlfriend.
#. “ric ' enBo* the )h*sical moments /e s)end together b(t ' thin0 *o( are starting to ta0e it too serio(sl* can /e )lease slo/ do/n a bit
Obe* e =hrases 1. one* can *o( )lease hel) me clean the ho(se toda* '8ve been /or0ing for the last three ho(rs and don8t thin0 ' can do it all on m* o/n.
2. Can *o( )lease )ic0 me () from /or0 toda* 'r8s been so long since /e8ve gone o(t together ma*be /e co(ld go to *o(r favorite resta(rant as /ell.
. * friend is thro/ing a )art ne3t /ee0 and ' /o(ld love to ta0e *o( there. ' /ant all m* friends to finall* see ho/ great m* bo*friend tr(l* is. ". Can *o( )lease B(st hold me for a /hile ' feel this ama@ing sense of calm and sec(rit* /hen *o( hold me and ' B(st can8t f(ll* e3)lain it. 230
!. Can /e )lease B(st tal0 a little bit longer '8m having a ro(gh time at /or0 and tal0ing to *o( B(st ma0es me feel better.
motional Trans)arenc* =hrases 1. “ric ' /anted to tell *o( that ' love F res)ect *o( dee)l* altho(gh /e have o(r ()s and do/ns b(t *o(8re still the man ' loo0 () to. Altho(gh ' 0no/ it8s hard for *o( b(t ' need *o( to 0no/ that *o( co(ld share an*thing /ith me and be ass(red that '8ll never B(dge *o( for an*thing. 2. “ricE ' 0no/ *o( love me a lot F ' can feel it in the /a* *o( loo0 at me the /a* *o( /arml* hold me b(t as a /oman some )art of me still craves to hear /hat *o( tr(l* feel abo(t me. =lease 0no/ that even if *o( disli0e certain abo(t me an* '8d li0e *o( to )lease share it /ith methings /itho(t fearing B(dgment. . “ricE ' /anted to let *o( 0no/ ho/ )ro(d ' am to have a h(sbandJbo*friend li0e *o(. Katel* '8ve noticed that *o(8re a lot more distant and honestl* if there is something ' co(ld do to hel) *o( or if *o( /o(ld li0e to tal0 abo(t it '8d reall* a))reciate it. o/ever if *o( need some distance then ' com)letel* (nderstand and '8ll be aro(nd /henever *o( need me. ". “ric toda* ' /anted to let *o( 0no/ that *o(8re an ama@ing bo*friendJh(sband and even more ama@ing man. ' enBo* ever*thing *o(8ve given me and ' am than0f(l to be in *o(r life. ' /as B(st a little concerned as latel* *o(8ve been a lot more inside *o(r head and B(st /anted to let *o( 0no/ that '8m here for *o( an*time *o( need me. 231
!. “ric ' don8t B(st see *o( as m* bo*friendJh(sband ' act(all* also see *o( as m* best friendE 6o(8ve cared for me adored me F have been there for me (nconditionall*. ' B(st /anted to let *o( 0no/ that '8d reall* love it if *o( co(ld o)en a little bit more aro(nd me emotionall*. ' 0no/ it8s not the easiest thing to do /hen ' am being so demanding of *o( b(t )lease (nderstand that it /o(ld tr(l* ma0e me feel loved if *o( o)ened () more.
Kove Coc0tail =hrases 1. one*E ' thin0 /e8ve gro/n distant latel* F need some s)ace. ' can see that *o( aren8t comfortable /ith me li0e *o( (sed to be and '8ve decided /e need some time a)art from each other. a*be it8s best for both of (s. 2. '8ve been having a blast and /o(ld love to tell *o( all abo(t it. Things have been going great for me.
(t(al =leas(re =hrases 1. on ' 0no/ ho/ good *o( are at fi3ing things. This fa(cet8s been dri))ing forever it seems and ' B(st can8t seem to fig(re it o(t. 2. ' reall* admire a man li0e *o(. . ' love it /hen *o( h(g me. aving *o( aro(nd and 232
feeling *o(r to(ch ma0es me feel so safe and /arm. ". ' am so )ro(d to have a g(* li0e *o( in m* life. !. 6o( are ver* im)ortant to me. ' am so blessed to have *o( in m* life. #. ' 0no/ *o( can achieve an*thing *o( )(t *o(r mind to. %. Than0s for being a great bo*friendJh(sband. $. ' love it /hen *o( s(r)rise me. 9. ' reall* need *o(r hel). ' can8t do it /itho(t *o(.
1&.
' tr(st *o( /ith all m* heart.
11. 't8s ama@ing ho/ good *o( reall* are at doing Linsert actionM 12. one*E Can /e )lease go o(t to eat tonight '8m e3ha(sted and feeling ver* stressed F reall* don8t feel li0e coo0ing. 1. OhE
co(ld go together and then go o(t to that reall* nice Ba@@ bar *o( too0 me to a co()le of /ee0s ago. ' 0no/ '8d reall* li0e that. 1!. one*E ' love the fact that *o( bring flo/ers for me dail* it tr(l* ma0es m* da*E
1#. one*E ' need to let *o( 0no/ that it8s reall* diffic(lt for me to organi@e *o(r clothes ever* da* after *o( leave. ' /o(ld love to do it for *o( b(t ' can8t do it ever* single da*
1%. one*E ' 0no/ that *o( care abo(t me dee)l* F have been so good to me. ' tr(l* admire that (alit* in *o(. o/ever latel* *o( seem a bit distantN this isn8t li0e *o(r (s(al self. 's there something /rong 1$. mate.
6o( 0no/ ' am reall* l(c0* to have *o( as m*
19. 6o( /or0 so hard to )rovide me /ith ever*thing. ' B(st /anted to let *o( 0no/ that ' reall* a))reciate ever*thing *o( have done for me. 2&. ' am reall* sorr* if ' am dist(rbing *o(4?(t ' B(st felt li0e s)ending some time /ith *o( toda*4?(t if *o( are b(s* /e can do this later.
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onstro(s 'ntrig(e =hrases
1. “ricE ' 0no/ that /e haven8t reall* been as in t(ne latel* as /e8ve al/a*s been. onestl*E ' com)letel* (nderstand if *o( need s)ace. 'n fact ' thin0 both of (s need s)ace at the moment.
2. “ric ' 0no/ /e haven8t reall* tal0ed that m(ch latel* b(t a ton of e3citing things have been ha))ening in m* life latel*. '8d love to tal0 abo(t it /ith *o( /henever *o(8re read*.
. “ricE ' 0no/ ma*be /e had too m(ch of each other in the )ast fe/ months. ' am glad both of (s are in this sit(ation /here cane3citing have time to o(rselves as /ell. There have been/e a fe/ changes in m* life and '8d love to share it /henever *o( are read*.
". “ricE '8ve been getting mi3ed feelings abo(t (s latel* ' don8t 0no/ if it8s good or bad b(t ' am glad that both of (s have time to each other to reflect better on things. Oh F b* the /a* a fe/ ne/ F e3citing changes have ta0en )lace that '8d love to share /ith *o( someda*
Secret antas* =hrases 1. “ricE ' love seeing the s)ar0le in *o(r e*es /hen *o( loo0 at me. onestl*E (st seeing *o(r e*es ma0es m* heart race.
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2. “ricE 6o(r nearness over/helms me. ' sho(ldn8t sa* this b(t B(st feeling *o(r hands on m* hands sends shivers of delight race thro(gh m* bod*.
.
“ric
the other da* /hen *o( h(gged me
(ne3)ectedl* ' felt c(rrents of e3citement racing thro(gh me.
". “ric /hen *o( gentl* held m* hand the other da* m* heart started )o(nding as if it /as going to B(m) o(t of m* chest.
!. “ricE
#. “ric Do *o( remember /hen /e first met and ho/ o(r 0nees mista0enl* br(shed (st that slight to(ch of *o( on me made me heart accelerate li0e cra@*.
%. “ricE ' don8t 0no/ if ' sho(ld sa* this or not b(t *o(r 0isses are an addiction ' crave them dail*.
$. “ric *o( ma0e me feel li0e the most im)ortant /oman in the /orld F honestl* that t(rns me on in /a*s ' can8t describe.
9. “ricE ooseb(m)s e3)lode all over me.
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1&. “ric ' sho(ldn8t sa* this b(t ' can8t hel) itE 6o( loo0ed e3tremel* handsome the other da* and ' co(ldn8t )(sh that image o(t of m* mind not even for a single second. ' don8t 0no/ this b(t /hen ' /as loo0ing at *o( that da* m* mind /as imagining things na(ght* things4O0a*E ' sho(ld sto) no/. 11. “ric /hen *o( h(gged me the other da* and lovingl* moved *o(r hands () F do/n m* s)ine ' felt so t(rned on that B(st controlling m* tem)tations /as a str(ggle. ?eing held b* *o( gives me the greatest feeling in the /orld.
12. “OmgE '8ve been thin0ing abo(t *o( all nightE ' am reall* starting to lose m* sanit*. Can *o( )lease leave m* mind for a min(te
1". “The other da* /hen *o( /ere angr*E 't reall* t(rned me on4O0a* that8s /eird ' sho(ld sto) before it gets cra@*E
1!.
“'
don8t thin0 there is an*thing hotter than
loo0ing at *o(r face /hen *o(r intense it reall* )leases me in /a*s ' can8t describe.
1#. “' never told *o( this b(t the other da* seeing *o( in that fanc* s(it tr(l* t(rned me on. O0a* ' 237
better sto). '8ve got things to do toda* can8t let that image of *o( drive me cra@* again.
1%. “Can *o( )lease sto) loo0ing at me /ith s(ch intensit* 't8s starting to t(rn me on in /eird /a*s. Sto) distracting me alread*. See *o(8re doing 't again4Sto) itE Sto) loo0ing at me /ith those intense e*esE
=ermanent Obsession =hrases im + ' don8t thin0 /e8ll get along. 6o( + ' /as thin0ing the same thing act(all*E ' mean *o( and ' are so different. 't /o(ld be /eird if /ere a co()le. ' mean ' am clearl* a little hard to handle for *o(.
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6o( + Than0 *o( B(st don8t thin0 an*thing na(ght* *et. im +
fter the date, here are some phrases you can te4t him9 “'t
/as a great nightN 't /as c(te to see *o( snea0il* chec0ing me o(t. “6o(
are a nice g(* ' li0e *o( and it /as c(te ho/ *o( 0e)t staring at me as ' finished m* food. “6o(
/ere so nice toda* let8s ho)e *o( maintain this in the f(t(re. “6o( h(gged me li0e a bab* h(gs his motherE 't /as c(te. '8d li0e to see *o( again. “'
0no/ *o( had a lot of f(n4This m(st have been one of the best dates *o(8ve ever had. ' ho)e *o( don8t stal0 me after this.
f he is arguing with you and highly angry, say the following9 “Did someone tell *o( ho/ c(te *o( loo0 /hen *o(8re angr*. 6o(r little nose goes all red.
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“'
don8t mind *o(r anger as long as ' get to see this hot intensit* on *o(r face. 't8s so damn se3*E
f he is lecturing you, say the following9 “'t8s
so c(te F hot /hen *o( lect(re me li0e thatE
f he wants to be left alone, say the following9 “O0a*E
=lease have all the time *o( /ant. ither /a* ' 0no/ ho/ cra@* *o(8re abo(t me and /on8t be able to 0ee) *o(r hands a/a* from me for too long. “Koo0E
5o need to )la* an* games /ith me ' 0no/ *o( alread* /ant me.
li0e a man /ho challenges me b(t ' can alread* see ho/ badl* *o( /ant me. “Oh
so *o(8re going to )la* hard to get 5iceE ' li0e a man /ho )(ts an effort into /ining me over. “So
do *o( al/a*s )la* hard to get ' 0no/ *o( have a c(te side to *o( /hich is hiding some/here.
onogam* A/a0ener =hrases f he0s afraid that you might lock him down, try something like * “S/eetheart
' 0no/ *o(8re concerned and /e8ve alread* disc(ssed this before. ' 0no/ *o( love *o(r H*o( time and /ant *o( to 0no/ ' loveever* *o( too. '8m /ith not abo(t t*ing' *o( do/n and s)ending min(te *o(. ' (nderstand that each of (s /o(ld /ant to have the freedom in o(r lives to contin(e o(r o/n interests a)art from each other sometimes. That8s health* for *o( and for me and ' /o(ldn8t /ant it an* other /a*. 240
“'
believe in having a life of o(r o/n o(tside of the relationshi). (st beca(se /e8re together doesn8t mean /e sho(ld do ever*thing together. ' /o(ld love it if *o( s)end some free time /ith *o(r b(ddies and do things on *o(r o/n.
“one*E
' donPt believe that a man is res)onsible for )roviding ever*thing. ' B(st /ant *o( to 0no/ that /hether it8s financiall* or other/ise /e /o(ld be in this together and that it ta0es t/o to tango.
“'
am not the 0ind of a /oman /ho believes in loc0ing her men do/n. ' e3)ect *o( to have a life of *o(r o/n o(tside of o(r relationshi). “'
0no/ that a lot of g(*s are /orried abo(t commitment ma0ing their life less e3citing b(t tr(st me ' am all abo(t 0ee)ing things as f(n as )ossible. ' /ant life /ith *o( to be an advent(re.
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