Foreword by: Reverend E.O. Kayode Provost, Grace Springs Bible College, Of The Fountain Of Life Church, Lagos.
Marital Delay,
Reasons, Effects, Effects, And The Way Out.
Fasanya Olufemi
Unless otherwise indicated, all scriptures are from the HOLY BIBLE easy-to- read version. 1st Printing.
Marital delay; reasons, effects and the way out. Copyright © Fasanya, Olufemi Abiodun --(i) Phone No: +234(0)803 725 7479, +234(0)808 390 6405 (ii) E-mail:
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Content Dedication Acknowledgement Foreword Introduction Reasons for marital delay… The fear factor The past Economic situation Decision Negative attitude Stigma in the family Wrong perspective of the marriage institution Family tie Deformity Local influence Foreign influence Unforgiveness Satanic attack Spiritual ignorance Covenant Curses The vicious cycle Character flaws The loss of a love one Pervert lifestyle Divine arrangement
The root of education is bitter, but the fruit is sweet. Aristotle
Dedication This book is dedicated to my brothers and sister; Olumide, Sola, Seyi and Funmi Fasanya, for their support and love that is a motivating factor as I fulfill God’s purpose for my life.
Acknowledgement My special thanks goes to everyone who has being supportive of what the Lord committed to my hand which includes, the patrons and members of Singles Affair Ministry. God bless you for your support. It goes to the Senior Pastor of Latter House Christian Center; Pastor Sam Ajana and all her members. I say a big thank you to Reverend Kayode who has taken the time to read and foreword this book. My appreciation also goes to Pastor Olabode, Pastor Jide Hassan, Pastor Lordsday Latunbosun Latunji and Funmi Fasanmi, for the time they spent in editing my manuscript, and to Seyi Adegboyega who helps out in the printing of our ministry jobs. My continual thanks go to my wife for her love and support. And to my son (Alex), you are indeed a gift from the Lord.
Foreword The author has improved on his research in this area over the years. From the first book which addresses certain questions that young people should ask before taking the first step towards marriage. To this book (the third), which addresses certain reasons for delay in getting married. Bro. Femi has improved by way of developing himself in this noble call. I am glad to recommend this work to all who needs encouragement due to delay in getting married. The book is written to address problem peculiar to Africans, pressures received by singles who are advanced in age and possible reasons for these problems and recommended practices that will bring godly solutions to the problems. The language of the book is simple and straight forward; it can be read easily by all. The lesson stands out as encouragements, enlightenment and equipping for as many as will read and carefully follow its precepts. This work is right step in the right direction, for there are many who needs its counsel. Its teaching is Biblical and sound.
Reverend Reverend E.O. E. O. Kayode Provost, Grace Springs Bible College, Of The Fountain Of Life Church, Lagos.
Introduction There are questions that run through my mind as regards who is to blame for the wrong happenings in the lives of people. One of the reasons for asking these questions stems from observing singles that have reached marriageable age, but are not married. I have tried to know whether it is true that the reason many singles do not marry early enough is caused solely by external factors such as the devil and the activities of his kingdom. But alas l have come to the conclusion that whatever happens to a man is directly or indirectly the product of his choices. The Lord placed in my heart these words while I was ruminating on the issue, “ The world is like the sea, our lives like a ship, God is only our INSTRUCTOR, Wherever the ship berths is our choice, so be RESPONSIBLE.” Until you know that you are responsible for where you are, you will keep blaming others for where you are, and this always results in stagnation. Being single at a late age is majorly the contribution of the individual involved. Man holds God responsible for everything that happens to him; he calls it destiny/fate. However, his everyday choices chart the course of his future. Evangelist and Mrs. Kenneth Onyeme wrote that physical maturity is an essential way of 1 determining the time to be married. An excerpt from their book says, “Marriage is not meant for children. Although the Bible did not set any age range for marriage, it explicitly tells us that marriage is for the matured young man or lady. A survey has shown that most teen marriages end in divorce compared to marriages in their twenties which is also higher in divorce record as compared to those in their thirties. According to statistic, the best time for a man to be married is between the ages of twenty-seven and thirty-one; for the woman the best age is around twenty-five. At this age, they are mentally, sexually, and morally matured to handle marital challenges .” The need for singles to consider settling down on time in marriage is one of the objectives of this book because of the resultant effect it has on the person involved. Some of the general effects of being single at an older age are...
Ageing Effect- Every day of your life you not only draw closer to the grave, but you also age physically. Many are being deceived by the compliments that people give them about their youthfulness; however, it does not change the fact that in some couple of years from now, you will not have the strength to do the things that you can do now. Medical Effect- The older a single man or a woman get, the more it affect their chances of having children of their own. Although the medical effect have a more 2 negative impact on women according to medical reports. A woman’s fertility peaks
in her late 20s and then gradually declines from her mid-30s into her 40s as her egg supply ages and diminishes. This process makes it difficult to naturally conceive, medical experts say. At the same time, a woman’s risk of miscarriage increases… And, just as important, let’s not over look the male factor. A man’s sperm count decreases with age although fertility may not be affected .
Societal Effect- The society frowns at anyone it sees as long due for marriage; the man is assumed to be impotent, irresponsible, etc. For the woman, she is considered a person with low/loose morals, operating under a curse, etc. Some of the groups that make up the society are...
1) Your parents- Pressure comes from the parents of the single that society considers to be getting past the marriageable age, because the parents consider it an embarrassment to the family. Someone told me of how he was summoned to a family gathering and found out that the major part of the meeting was centered on him, as to why he was not yet married. 2) The church- The church too is not left out, as the church pressures unmarried members considered to be due for marriage especially if the people involved are active members. 3) Colleagues at work- Colleagues, subordinates, and superior officers alike may not accord the single with the honour they would have if they were married.
More difficulty in eventually finding the person to get married to- The older a single gets, the more difficult it is to find someone to actually settle down with. Most single men believe that the balance weighs in their favour, as the ageing process tends to affect the women more than the men, because the men can easily get younger women to settle down with. However, it is not as easy for a much younger lady to accept the proposal for marriage from much older men because of the generational gap. Nature has however, not favoured the older woman as she will probably prefer a man within her own age group or one a little bit older. Otherwise it is the extremely older man for the woman who’s left it a bit late settling down.
The desire for sexual intimacy- God created humans with sexual desires; this desire seeks to find expression in sexual intimacy. It is easier for singles that have reached a certain age to fall into the sin of immorality because of the heightened desire for intimacy with the opposite sex. Unnecessary agitations- Ernest Ojigho wrote on the effect of the pressure a single 3 who has reached the stage of being married but not can face, “One of the things that pressures can do to singles if not properly handled is to create a crisis
situation. This crisis situation can in turn put additional pressure on them resulting in unnecessary agitations. Many singles at this stage become moody, irritable and often times wallow in self pity .” The objective of writing this book is to help you to be responsible, because whatever you get out of life is directly or indirectly a product of your choices. Here is Dr Jackson’s 4 advise especially to single women, “I’ve seen many of my women colleagues who are now in their 50s without children. They missed that short window of opportunity to have children. I now talk to young women early, while they’re in their late 20s and early 30s, about making a decision to have children. I advise them to get into the right relationship leading to marriage so they can get on the path to child bearing by their mid 30s .” Edwin .C. Bliss said, “Que sera, sera (what will be will be) is a lovely song, but a lousy philosophy. Nothing worthwhile was ever accomplished by anyone who met life without a struggle. Instead your motto should be “Que querio sera”, whatever l will, will be.” My prayer is that the Lord will use this book to open your eyes of understanding in Jesus name (Amen).
Anyone can be an architect. Congratulations if you have made no plan for tomorrow, you have become the architect of your sorrow. Cheche Egbune
The fear factor 1
Brian Tracy the reputable contemporary management philosopher sees fear as, “Fantasized Experience Appearing Real .” That is to say that fear is nothing. Fear is a myth. It is a fathom of the mind. John Milton says of the mind, “ It (mind) in its place and in itself can make a heaven of hell, or a hell of heaven .” Fear is indeed a smoke that holds no substance in itself, yet it chokes. And when its victim yields to it, it assumes the character of the Arabian Jinni a smoke that grows and crystallizes into a monster and consumes the afraid. Some singles are afraid because of the negative experiences they have seen- that of their parents, relatives, etc. Due to this, they open up to fear that affects their decision to settle down in marriage.
Effects Delay in making a decision- Just as faith comes by hearing positive information; fear also comes by hearing the voice of men and negative experiences. Some singles are not yet married because they were fed with fear building words about the consequences of choosing the wrong partner, so they become too careful in making a decision on who to get married to, and in the end suitors who are suitable for them end up moving on because of the inability to make up their mind.
The possibility of making the mistakes they are afraid of is h igh- Singles who are fearful are prone to making the mistakes they are afraid of. Job said, “ I was afraid that something terrible might happen to me. And that was what happened! The 2 things l feared most happened to me ”(Job 3: 25). Bob Buess wrote, “If there is a great fear deep down inside, deal with it now. It will soon come out and be your ‘water loo’ .” Demonic oppression- It is so easy for the devil to oppress singles that are given to fear, and since fear is negative faith, it permits the devil to operate in their lives. Bob 3 Buess wrote, “You can yield to joy and faith at any moment and enjoy the victory, or you can yield to fear and see satan make havoc of your life .”
The way out Fear not- Bible scholars have said that there are three hundred and sixty six “ fear not” in the Bible. I believe that the Lord permitted this because everyday, there will be something that will want to cause you to be afraid. There will be problems that if 4 you focus on, will create fear in your heart. Bob Buess wrote, “Circumstances demand that you fear. Jesus demands that you ignore the circumstances .” In the area of marriage, the rate of marital failures around you may make you afraid, but Jesus demands that you keep your focus on Him.
Rejoice in the Lord and make positive confessions - Fear steal ones joy; it blinds one from seeing the good in anything such as people who has made a difference in the
5
midst of the marital failures around. Bob Buess wrote, “The best way to deal with fear will be by rejoicing in the Lord and confessing aloud several times a day: “l am free. Jesus has set me free. I will not have any bondage.” You may name the problem you fear such as sickness, failure, poverty, accident, etc .” Permit me to add to the confession, marital failure.
Renew your mind- Do not accept the lies of the devil that all marriages are like the ones you know; there is no marriage without challenges, but the way the challenges are handled will determine if they will degenerate to fighting, a separation, or divorce. All marriages are not the same; do not conclude that they all are. Bob Buess wrote, 6 “You are a product of your thoughts and actions from the day of birth. It is time to walk in Christ regardless of the pattern set by previous years of failure .”
Fear breeds inactiveness; inactiveness leads to lack of experience; and ignorance breeds fear. John Maxwell
The past The mistakes of the past have a way of resurfacing in the present and in the future. The following mistakes of the past can cause marital delay... Pregnancy before marriage - l have observed that singles who have had a child out of wedlock, do not easily find someone who will accept them and the child. No matter how hard the person interested in them may try to accept the child, there is always the reality that the child is not their own. Thus, many dread the responsibility of taking care of children that are not biologically theirs.
Promiscuous life style - When a single (lady) has lived a promiscuous life style in the past, it may cause a delay in her settling down especially if she is still living in the vicinity of where she has been known for that kind of life style. People more often than not identify with our past than with what we are at the present. We all know that the news of wrongdoing usually spread like wild fire.
Effects Likelihood of infection- The likelihood of having been infected with sexually transmitted diseases (STD) is very high amongst those who had lived a promiscuous life style in the past and present. Some one has said, “ All satan’s apples have worms.”
The past re-surfacing in the future- Most singles that had lived a promiscuous life style in the past often hide this part of their lives from their prospective partners. Jesus warned that, “ There is nothing hidden under the heavens .” Whatever, we have done will always come out in the open in the end, and some marriages have been destroyed because of this. Their spouse suddenly comes across with some of the information on how his/her partner lived their lives in the past, and they feel deceived because they did not hear it from them or even know about it at all. The child is negatively affected- Children born out of wedlock, usually feel out of place. Acceptance becomes a major challenge they have because both parents (the father and mother) usually have new families of their own and as such the child does not feel he/she belongs anywhere as he/she is usually not accepted by any of his/her step parents. This challenge becomes more difficult if the child is a male and the first born; he according to tradition is the heir apparent to what his father owns.
The way out Go to God for forgiveness- Accept the Lord Jesus as the Lord of your life and ask for forgiveness of the sins you have committed in the past; if you do this, your sins will be forgiven you. No matter how grievous the sins you have committed in the past may be, God will forgive you of them all. There is no sin too great that the blood of Jesus that was shed cannot cleanse .
Allow God to transform you- Many singles after accepting the Lord Jesus as the Lord of their lives do not wait patiently to allow Him transform their lives into what He wants it to be. The will of God is that who you will be after He has finished His work in you will be completely different from whom everyone once knew you to be. It will take time, but you need to learn to be patient. Remember that you have done much havoc to yourself in the past, and like a wound that needs time to heal, you need time to be someone that people will want to talk positively about and emulate.
Go for medical checkup- Do necessary medical checkups; HIV test, etc. The earlier you know your HIV status the better. If you are positive, go for counseling and join God fearing groups that have the infection. Do not commit suicide, though presently there is no known cure for AIDS, this does not mean that a cure will not be found. Do not forget that God has healed people from the disease, and you too can be healed. Let your child have a healthy growth process- Do not feed the child with stories on how his father rejected the pregnancy, or how irresponsible he is. He does not need that; it is detrimental to the child’s growth. Spare him your bitterness and anger. Stop comparing him to his father or mother, because they look alike does not make them the same. Let the child live, by loving, caring, and praying for him. Your new found love may not see your child as his own, you have to learn to be patient with them- your partner and child, so that you do not loose both of them.
Tell your fiancé or fiancée about your past- Let your intend know about your past, and who you are now in Christ Jesus. Do not hide what he/she needs to know; it is better that you tell him/her rather than have another person tell them. People have a way of telling stories beyond what actually happened . My advice is that you allow time for the person to get to know you before discussing about your past with him/her, but it must be done before marriage.
Your past cannot be changed, but you can change your tomorrow by your actions today. Mc Nally
Economic situation The present poverty rate in many countries of the world has a considerable negative impact on the lives of its singles. Many singles cannot adequately fend for themselves even more so another- person.
Effects Poverty- You will notice the trend of early marriages by singles when the economy was buoyant, more than during economic depression, which has had negative effect on the lives of the people- one of which is unemployment.
In an article written by Surakiart Suthinathal and David L. Phillips in the Punch newspaper, July 19,2005 titled “ Nobel Laureates set a course for peace and prosperity”, they wrote the following, “ Poverty has a bigger impact than human development. It affects peace and security, having the potential to give rise to fanatism, radicalism and terrorism .” Permit me to include also, late marriages.
Unemployment- Due to the economic depression that many nations of the world suffer from, the rate of unemployment is on the increase. Many singles roam the streets looking for jobs, and this rate is constantly on the increase. Crime- Many young people have been lured into crime because of the economic depression; the rate of fraud related crimes have also increased considerably.
Way out You need to redefine the word prosperity - The wrong definition of prosperity is one of the reason that some singles (mostly men) will remain in this stage for quite a while. To them a person that is prospering is the one who has a good job, an apartment, drives a good car, etc. And until they have all this, they will not be willing to get married.
Reverend Kayode gave the Christian perspective of the word prosperity by saying, “ A man who prosper is that man who has discovered God’s purpose for him and have enough grace from God to do all that God wants him to do the way God wants him to do it. Such of a necessity will receive corresponding material blessing in a measure that God is willing to give him .” You do not need to have a million naira before thinking of getting married, though it is not a crime if the Lord has blessed you that much as a single. Find your purpose and obey God, you can never fathom how much God will supernaturally bless you if you do this.
Discover your potential- Every human on the face of the earth was created with an ability to trade with, that is the reason the Scripture never said, “ Empty came l out of
my mother’s womb ”, rather it said, “...Naked came l out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall l return thither... ”(Job 1:21). The problem is that many singles have developed the mind -set of getting a job to earn a living; many have not taken the time to discover and develop their potential. Permit me to say this; it is not everyone that will work in an office that will find fulfillment fulfillment in it. Do something about that gift in the inside of you.
Learn how to improve and sell what you have- Develop the ability in you by learning from others either through apprenticeship, reading books, etc.
The future belongs to those who see possibilities before they become obvious. John Sculley
Decision Some singles make a decision to stay away from getting married due to... Projects they have at hand- Some singles make a decision to remain single for a period of time because of the projects they have at hand. This project may be their academic career, etc, to avoid distractions.
Nature of their job- Some singles decide to delay making a commitment to getting married because of the nature of their job. Such job may involve a lot of traveling, coming home late in the night, etc. They therefore, postpone this decision until the time they feel they will be more available to the family they will raise after marriage. Preparation for the future- Some singles decide not to get married until they have adequately prepared for the future, one of the reasons they give is that they do not want their children to go through the pain of not having enough that they went through when they were growing up.
Effects Ageing- By the time some of these singles are ready, they will have been well over the age of being desired by the opposite sex they want to settle down with in marriage. Most singles want to get married to people of their age or to people who are not too far from their age or less, in the case of the men.
I met an elderly man in a ferry who was with a girl of about ten years. I thought the girl was his grand daughter only to discover later that she was his daughter. The man will not be less than fifty years.
Likelihood of infidelity from their spouse in the future- When a person becomes advanced in age, the drive for sexual pleasure is not as it used to be. Often this single get married to people who are still active sexually, and if their partner is not faithful to the marriage vows, he/she may get involved sexually with someone younger to satisfy his/her sexual desire.
The way out Prioritize your life- There is time for everything. Make the best use of the time you have now to do things that are absolutely necessary because there will come a time when you may not be able to do it again.
When it is time to get married and you have suitors calling for your attention, prayerfully decide, and settle down with one of them if the person is God’s will for your life.
Do not worry about the future- There will be no time in your life that everything will be as perfect as you want them to be, you will always have needs, that is the
reason that man will always need the help of God. Do not worry about the future, talk to God about it and take the step of faith required for you to get married.
The future is not the result of choices among alternatives both offered in the present. It is a place that is created- created first in the mind and will; created next in the activity. Walt Disney
Negative attitude An attitude is ones disposition towards things or people. As long as a person has a negative attitude prospective suitors will stay away from such a single. Here are some of the negative attitude some singles have... I- don’t- care attitude- Some singles have a disposition to things and people that are negative; they do not care what happens to other people. Provided all is well with them, every body else may as well go to blazes.
Carefree attitude- Some singles are just too care free; they do things whenever they want and not when it should be done. They dress the way they want, even if what they put on is seductive; they express themselves the way they feel, etc.
Effect Wrong first impression- It is said that, first impression last long ; there are times in life that you may never get a second chance to make another impression. Many singles that have negative attitude, paint a negative picture of themselves in the mind of the people observing them. Never forget that there are people watching you and the way you react to things.
The way out Change your mindset- It is important that you change the way you think, because information that has formed a belief system is a key ingredient in determining our disposition to life. There is need for you to change the information you adhere to, open your mind to the Scriptural approach to life and issues that may confront you.
Be conscious of other people’s feeling- Do not do or say things the way you feel, think well before you do or say things to people. Do not do things the way you feel it should be done, rather do it the way it should be done. Maintain good personal hygiene- Do not just dress shabbily, watch what you put on, take your bath everyday especially in the mornings. Brush your teeth and scrub your tongue with your brush to avoid mouth odour. Keep a low clean-cut, shave your beards and armpit. Iron your cloth, and polish your shoes; and learn how to combine colours so as not to wear clothes that are not compatible in colour combination. Stop picking your nose in public.
A self-centered person is like a bottomless pit. Pastor Sam Ajana
Stigma in the family In the African traditional belief, family background plays a lot of role in determining whether other families would accept a child as a likely suitor for their child. Singles, who come from families with a stigma- history of insanity, leprosy, etc, may experience delay in getting married. The family of the person they are interested in will do an investigation on his/her family and will frown against the relationship, because of the sigma in that family. The reason for the stigmatization of these families is due to the belief that, the person who has this stigma in their lineage will pass it on to his or her child.
Effects Low self esteem- Singles who have a stigma in their family often suffer from inferiority complex, they often find it difficult to relate with people and want to be alone.
Suicidal tendencies- Single going through this experience are prone to being deceived to end their lives. According to the Punch newspaper of Wednesday, July 20, 2005, with a headline captioned, Four commit suicide weekly in Lagos , “An average of four reported cases of suicide or ‘unnatural deaths’ are recorded weekly in Lagos, investigations have revealed .” I believe that some of these cases have their roots in the stigma they might have suffered from their family.
The way out Know your root- If you are a child of God you have your root in God and not in your natural lineage. The Scripture calls those that believe in the Lord Jesus, the children of God; this understanding is vital if you are to break away from generational curses that might have brought a re-occurrence of certain negative trend in your lineage.
Discover your purpose- You are created for a purpose, discovering what you have been created for is one of the ways that you will become invisible to the powers of darkness, and which will make you attractive to people around you. Know that someone will accept you for who you are- There is a need for you to renew your mind with the word of God. No matter how bad the stigma you have in your family may be, know that God has created someone of the opposite sex who will accept you for who you are, and who will be willing to go all the way with you.
If any person is in Christ, then that person is made new. The old things have gone; everything is made new. Apostle Paul
Wrong perception of the marriage institution The way a person perceives a thing, determines whether that thing will be desirable or not. Many singles do not desire to get married because they perceive marriage as... A trap- Some singles dread the feeling of losing their freedom; they perceive marriage as an entrapment, and therefore do not make a commitment leading to marriage in any relationship they get involve in.
An opportunity to get a good source of living- Some singles believe that the marriage institution is a place where their needs (security, upkeep, etc.) can be met. They therefore prefer to be involve with a wealthy or comfortable partner, and as long as the person that suit their standard have not come their way, they avoid making a commitment leading to marriage in any relationship they get involve in. An unnecess un necessary ary event- Some singles do not see the need to get married; to them it is not an essential part of their life and they believe that they can do without it.
Effects Loose lifestyle- Singles who see marriage as a trap, often live a loose lifestyle. They often have multiple sex partners.
Marriage to an unbeliever- Many singles (especially ladies) who see marriage as place to make some gains, often get involve with unbelievers and they deceive themselves by assuming that God will change the person before or after marriage.
The way out Renew your mind- See marriage from the way God’s word says it is. Marriage is an institution where two people of the opposite sex are joined together to help one another in every area of life. It is never meant to be one sided, that is why the commitment between the two parties is meant to be absolute (100%).
Remember that you can never be without any form of authority over you- No human being was created to be free, i.e. without an authority over him/her. Jesus is both your Lord and Master, or the devil is. So marriage should not be seen as a place you loose your freedom, because you have never been free from the either the Lordship of the Lord Jesus or that of the devil since the day you were born.
You can’t consistently perform in a manner that is inconsistent with the way you see yourself. Zig Ziglar
Family ties In a close family tie that is operated in Africa where the eldest especially is responsible for the younger ones, which he will have to take care of; and if his parent is alive, he also takes care of them. With such arrangement, the chance of getting married early is very slim. In a situation where a person has such a tight family tie, it is possible that the family may influence the decision on whom the person has to marry. I heard the story of a young lady whose relationship was broken because the elder brother of the person she was dating did not like her. Her fiancé broke up the relationship of about four years to please his family.
Effects Little or no time to prepare for the future- Singles who are saddled with this responsibility often do not have enough time to plan for their own future. His income no matter how much it is, goes into meeting the family obligations that leaves little left for such a single to make plans for his future.
Ageing- Many of such singles may not discharge this responsibility until they are well advanced in age. Such responsibility will require from the single more than money alone; it will require his time and effort. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years spent delaying often have negative impact on such a single. Such impact includes what is written in this report, 1 “Unlike the women who are born with a finite number of eggs, men produce sperm through out their lives. But scientist in the United State of America have shown that sperm of older men does not move as well as that of the younger men. “Simply sperm mobility slows down with age”, says Dr Andrew Wyodek and Dr Brenda Eskenazi, of the University of California who researched and discovered that sperm mobility declines with each passing year. Sperm mobility drops by 0.7% per year. At the age of twenty-two, there is 25% chance of abnormal mobility and that increase to about 85% by sixty-five years old. Your chance of fathering a child goes down with age progressively, not abruptly as a woman. They suspect it could be because of physiological changes in the body or damage caused by disease or environmental factors .”
Inability to make a choice without seeking the favour of family members- Singles who have a strong family tie will always seek to please their families, and this could be to the detriment of their happiness in future. The reason is because you might break up a relationship of destiny to please your family members.
The way out Priotize your life- You need to wake up to reality, focus on your life, and make the best of your life while you are still young. Life is in phases, and for every phase of life that you are in you need to prepare yourself for the next one.
Yes it is good to take care of your younger ones, but it should not be at the expense of your own future.
Answer the following question- If you have to stay unmarried for years because you want to make sure that your younger ones attain a level of success, do you not think that your younger ones will see you as a hindrance to their getting married in time in the nearest future? Do you want others to fend for your family because you are too old to do that? Do you want others to take care of your own children? If your answer to the last question is yes, will the people that you believe will take care of them do so the way you want? Stand your ground- You have to learn to stand your ground on any decision you make especially if you are convinced that it is the Lord’s will for your life. Remember that you are not the young boy/girl that your family members used to know who does everything he/she is ordered too because he/she is not capable of making decisions on his/her own. You are now an adult and you have to start learning how to break away from possessive family ties.
If you find a wife, then you have found a good thing. She shows that the Lord is happy with you. King Solomon
Deformity Singles who have some form of deformity, often experience a delay in settling down in marriage, because of... The way they see themselves- Some of the singles with deformity look down on themselves, and assume that people cannot really accept them for who they are.
The way people see them- l asked a friend if she believes in God’s will especially in the area of marriage, her response was a big yes. I then ask her if she will accept God’s will in the area of marriage if the person was crippled; she responded by saying God forbid, God cannot give me a cripple to get married to. Many people think this way, and they avoid relationship that may lead to marriage with a disabled.
Effects Low self esteem- The effect of this, is that many singles who are disabled, suffer from inferiority complex and they perceive themselves as not being equal to or better than those that are not disabled. It therefore affects the way they relate with those that are not disabled; they easily assume that people who are close to them are doing it out of pity.
Blame God for their predicament- Many singles that are disabled, put the blame on God for their deformity. They see God as the one that is responsible for their present predicament and because of this, many of them do not want to have anything to do with God.
The way out Stop blaming God- Being disabled is not a curse from God; disability was never in the original plan of God for man. It is the product of the fall of man. God is not to be blamed for it, rather turn to Him for help.
See yourself the way God sees you- People are permitted to form opinion about you; that opinion is based on facts about you. God however, sees you a success and unstoppable. God does not see your deformity as a hindrance to your being a success. Naaman the Syrian army general in the Bible was a leper, yet he successfully conquered nations and he was made a general in his country. Moses was a stammerer, but became the deliverer of the people of God in the land of their captivity- Egypt. Discover your purpose- Every being on the face of the earth was created for a purpose, with a unique assignment. It is that purpose that qualified Adam for a helpmate. Purpose cause attraction when it is pursued, so find yours and do something about it. Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dare believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstances. Bruce Barton
Local influence When a single is a friend to people who hold the marriage institution in contempt, it is just a matter of time before he/she will see nothing good in it.
Effects Negative thought pattern - When a single person keeps divorcees as friends and those that have had bad experiences from past relationships; it usually affect such single on making decisions on settling down in marriage. The reason is that the single is fed with negative information about the opposite sex, such that it affects the way he/she see things.
You will end up like the company you keep- The power of influence can be seen as 1 expressed by Bishop David Oyedepo, “During one of the meetings in one of the northern cities of Nigeria. I visited one of the elders of our church whose goat demonstrates the power of association on behaviour. The goat had been reared with his dog. Over time, the goat began to behave exactly like a dog. When its master came home from work, like the dog it wags its tail as sign of welcome. But much more disturbing, the goat no longer feeds on leaves or vegetable, rather it feeds on whatever the dogs feeds on including of course excreta! ” The English adage that says, “ Show me your friend and l will tell you who you are” is true. Permit me to say, show me your friends, and l will show you what you will become.
The way out Stay away from relationships that influence you negatively- Gradually break away from relationships that make you to see the negative sides of things alone. People like that may be your close friends, however, your future is more important; anyone that is not making you better than what you are positively is making you worse that what you are now.
Look at the bright side of things- People who blame others for the wrong that was done to them, do not often tell the whole story of what really happened. What part did they play before they were jilted? Is a question you may not find an answer to until you hear the other person’s side of the story. Rather than focus on marriages that are going through crisis, focus on those that are doing well.
Show me the man you honor, and I will show what kind of a man you are, for it shows me what your ideal of manhood is, what kind of man you long to be. Thomas Carlyle
Foreign influence This side of the world (Africa) has strongly been influenced by the things done in the western world. Some of the things that our custom forbids are gradually creeping in. One of them is live-in arrangement, where people of opposite sex co-habit together as if they are married. Singles who have been involved in this, experience a delay in making a decision to settle down in marriage.
Effects No sense of commitment- Since there is nothing binding the two people involved in the live-in arrangement, none of them is bound to stay in it. More often than not one of the parties involved do not show commitment to the relationship in order to move it to another phase, which is marriage. He/she just keeps the relationship on that level until they eventually break up.
Curse- Someone said, “When you sleep with your friend the relationship may not last”; there is a curse associated with every disobedience to God and His word. Some singles if they get sexually involved with their friends, the relationship never leads to marriage. Others may get married but the marriages more often than not do not last. 1 Bob Russell wrote, “Sin’s delight becomes sin’s distress, and that is true with every sin .” Premarital sex has been associated to over fifty percent of marriages that broke up. The reason is because of a curse, for this act of disobedience. God’s rule is NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE.
The way out Repent and ask for forgiveness- What you are doing is not experimenting on marriage, it is sin against God. You need to repent from it, and ask Him for forgiveness of sin. He will forgive you if only you ask Him to.
Do things right- Leave the apartment that you are living with your live-in lover, or tell her to return to her place. Even if you have agreed to get married, it does not give both of you the license to start living together. The right thing to do is that all necessary arrangement be done before moving in together. Follow the process- Being in that relationship does not mean that the person is God’s will for you. You need to, develop relationship with God, be a man or woman (a man or woman is someone that is physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially mature and established in the faith), discover your purpose, pray, develop a relationship with your Pastor, etc.
It is not sex, actually that creates commitment; it is character. Reverend Sam Adeyemi
Unforgiveness Singles, who have been hurt and have experienced a broken relationship, often carry in their hearts unforgiveness towards the person that they were formerly dating. I define “unforgiveness” as, unforgotten information on pains of the past .
Effects Fear- Singles who live in unforgiveness over the disappointment they suffered from an earlier relationship that got broken, are given to fear of the repetition of the same. Since we attract what is predominant in our hearts, what this singles are afraid off, end up re-occurring when they get involved in another intimate relationship.
Irrational conclusion- When you hear a single say, “ All men or all women are the same”, it is an indication of an unforgiving heart. Some singles in the Christian faith have concluded that some unbelievers are better than Christians because of the disappointment they have suffered at the hands of a believer. Irrational actions- Someone once shared the story of how her fiancé impregnated and married her best friend. She said that she almost went mad. She later got involved in other relationships but ended up dumping the men after raising their hopes that she was committed to the relationship. This is one of the ways unforgiving people behave.
The way out Know that his/her action is natural- An English adage says, “ To err is human, to 1 forgive divine ”; Pastor Chukwuma Ihekwoaba wrote, “Man, after the fall is no longer capable of keeping his words like God the Father. If a man makes an appointment, before the date, he might fall sick or even die, hence not keeping the appointment as agreed .” It is natural for the person to act the way he or she did. The Lord put the following words in my heart on the need to forgive; if you want to move from where you are to where you are going, you must learn to let go of bitterness by accepting the frailty of man. After all he is just man, and to err is human.
Learn from the past- You can learn something from the pain of the past. Ask yourself questions. What part did you play that led to the relationship breaking up? Do not conclude that you did nothing wrong, such attitude might just be the reason why the relationship got broken in the first place. Chris Jackson said, “ One of the reason that men and women fail at love is because they don’t do an autopsy on the death of their last relationship ”. Speak to yourself- The mind is the battleground; you need to learn to keep thoughts of the pain of the past from taking dominance over your mind. Since l define unforgiveness as unforgotten information of pains of the past ; you must learn to
speak to yourself when those thoughts come into your mind. You need to say to yourself when those thoughts come, that you have forgiven the person that offended you and reject the thought in Jesus name.
Renew your mind- All men/women are not the same, though both sex have similar traits, but the degree to which the traits are manifested, is one of the differentiating factors. Look at the bright side of things- Just because someone broke your heart does not mean that all is finished with you. You still have God who can give you someone better than the one that left you. He is the only Lover that l can guarantee will not leave you till the end of time. If you have God you have lost nothing that cannot be replaced, but if you do not have God you do not have anything that you cannot loose. Note the eight ways to overcoming heartbreaks- Kemi Dayo-Aiyetan wrote an article in the Sunday Punch newspaper, the following eight points ways to 2 overcoming heartbreaks…
1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6)
Know that it is not the end of the world and you can handle it. Work on your mind to guard it against bitterness, hatred and envy. Believe in yourself that you will succeed with or without whoever jilted you. Start taking care of yourself and make yourself available for someone better. Become friendly, smile, laugh and mingle with others. Definitely, thoughts of him/her would come to your mind, try to engage yourself creatively to ward off such thoughts. 7) Need you cry any longer? Wipe your tears, come out of your shell, make yourself happy and live as if you are the only creature on earth. 8) To cultivate happiness? Think of the many good things that had happened to you and if you don’t have, think of those great things you desire coming your way.
Unforgiveness does a great deal of danger to the vessel in which it is stored than the object on which it is poured. John Mason
Satanic attack After the fall of man due to disobedience to God, the world that we live in has become a battleground. The story of the evil done in our world is so horrifying that you cannot afford to be complacent. I have heard of true-life stories of people who had enchantments used against by their parent(s), relative, church members, etc. I have therefore concluded that one of the reasons that some singles are not married is because of satanic attack against them.
Effects Indefinable and unsolva u nsolvable ble problemsp roblems- One way that you can know the activities of the wicked world in your life is your being unable to trace where the challenges you are going through came from. Things just go wrong with you to take your attention from getting married and other positive things that will move your life forward. Some singles mysteriously loose their job when all seems to be going on well for them. Some singles just keep experiencing disappointment from the person they are engaged to, few weeks to their marriage ceremony. Other singles mysteriously loose their partner to death, few weeks to their marriage date, etc.
Stigmatization- Singles, who are passing through the experience of satanic attack, are often stigmatized when people see certain negative trends of events happening in their lives. Singles of the opposite sex consider them to be jinxed and will want to stay away from any intimate relationship with them. Depression Depression is i s almost unavoidable- Since some of the singles going through satanic attack, are bombarded with wrong information from people and the devil about themselves; they are prone to depression. The feeling of rejection, and the need for a positive change in their lives, which are not forthcoming triggers such tendencies.
The way out Be born again- The first step of being free from satanic attack is to submit yourself to the Lordship of Jesus. When you do this, there is a translation that takes place in the realm of the spirit. Apostle Paul described this by saying concerning what God hath wrought through Jesus and what will happen to you if you accept Him as the Lord of your life by writing, “ God made us free from the power of darkness (evil). And he brought us into the kingdom of his dear son (Jesus) ” Colossian 1:13.
Accepting the Lordship of Jesus over your life, allows God to deliver you from the power of darkness. This is because you have changed your father (the devil) and now you are the child of the Father (God).
Know the authority that you have in Christ- Every child of God has the power of attorney bestowed on him when he accept the Lord Jesus as the Lord of his life. The ignorance of this privilege is one advantage that the devil has over many believers.
Get yourself a Bible and read it, with a desire to know who you are, and what you have in Christ.
Resist the activities of the devil in your life- The authors of The Foundation of 1 Pentecostal Theology gave this comment, “Nowhere are Christians told to fight the devil. Our Lord did that once and for all on the cross. Our part is to claim, by faith, and stand on His victory. “Resist the devil”- do not fight him- and he is the one who will “flee from you” (James 4:7). 1 Peter 5:9 explains how this is to be done: “Whom resist steadfast in the faith.” Faith in the account of Christ’s victory over the devil, and faith in God’s promises, is the secret to victory... Faith in God’s word is the secret of the believer’s daily triumph .”
The devil smiles when we make plans. He laughs when we get to busy. But he trembles when we pray. Corrie Ten Boom
Spiritual ignorance Some singles that have come to accept the Christian faith show their ignorance of spiritual truth by their actions. They always want spectacular manifestations before they believe that God is leading them in the choice of decision they want to make. They watch out for dreams, revelations, signs, etc. Some singles have thus experienced marital delay because they are waiting for a sign from God instead of acting in accordance to the word of God.
Effects Spiritual blindness- Singles who are given to watching for signs are difficult to reach with the wholesome truth of God’s word, which demands that we walk according to what is written there in. They are blind to the simplicity of the gospel and are giving to argument if anyone says what conflicts with what they believe.
Probability of being deceived is high- Singles who are given to looking for spectacular manifestations before believing that God is in a thing, are prone to deception. Having spectacular manifestations does not mean that God is in a thing. They wait for too long to act- Some singles wait for too long expecting a spectacular manifestation before they act, i.e. propose to a lady/say yes to a man. In the process of delaying, because in quote “they have not heard from God”, the person they are interested in move ahead and get into intimate relationship with another individual. The excuse that this singles give is that may be the relationship is not God’s will.
The way out Know what the Bible says about finding the right partner- In explaining the book 1 of Proverbs chapter 18 verse 22, Pastor Chukwuma Ihekwoaba wrote, “First before one can find something, it must have been in existence before the search or it belongs to him before he lost possession of it. ” The person you are going to get married to is not in heaven presently, so stop saying, the beautiful ones have not been born yet . The Scripture contains principle that will guide you in knowing the right partner if only you will read it.
Be teachable and reachable- If you will go far in life you need to learn the act of listening to people and how to discern godly counsel. People, who believe they know it all, really do not know anything. C. C. Colton said, “ This is the difference between happiness and wisdom: he who thinks himself the happiest man, really is so; but he that thinks himself the wisest is generally the greatest fool .” Learn to walk in faith- If you are convinced on the inside of you, that is if the choice of a partner is in line with what the Bible says and you have peace on the issue, go ahead and propose or say yes to the man’s proposal.
We succumb to a dangerous ploy of satan when we determine “God’s will” by circumstances or by feelings instead of by command. Bob Russell
Covenant 1
The Oxford Advance Learner’s Dictionary Of Current English (Revised and Updated), define covenant as, “ A formal agreement that is legally binding. It is a formal agreement between two or more people or parties. Usually, the people in question have definite terms, condition or reason for the covenant .” Some singles are encountering delay in the area of marriage because of the covenant that they have entered into, with or without their knowledge. Here are some covenants that people usually enter into...
Word covenant- Some singles in the past have made one promise or the other to get married to a person of the opposite sex, for one reason or the other, e.g. favour for certain promotion, financial benefit, etc. They have no intention of fulfilling this promise because all they want is what they can get from the person; however, they have forgotten that a man is ensnared by the words of his mouth and by the words of a man’s mouth he shall be justified or condemned . Their words become a trap that hinders some of this singles from getting married at an earlier age. Sex covenant- Sexual intimacy does not only fuse the bodies of the people involved together; it also fuses the spirits of the individuals involved. Just as people contact the HIV virus from sexual intimacy with an infected person, so also if a single is involved sexually with someone that has a curse of delay in his or her life, he or she may end up with the curse. 2
Blood covenant- Evangelist C.F Oyor wrote, “Many people have entered into blood covenant covenant knowingly or unknowingly in the past. Some were made by lovers who pledge to marry one another and in order to re-enforce their relationship, they enter into blood covenants by mixing their blood, and afterwards drinking it together. This is done by using needle or any sharp instrument to draw blood from their bodies. Sometimes the blood is mixed with alcohol and they share it, or in some other ways. Of all covenant that l have broken as a minister of the gospel, l have discovered that blood covenant is the most difficult. This is because it carries life with it. Blood is life .” Pastor Sam Ajana said, “ The last and the supreme covenant that involved the shedding of blood acceptable to the throne of God is the shedding of the blood of Jesus. Any covenant entered into by two people that is not in agreement with biblical principles invokes a demonic influence over the lives of the people involved. For example, when a single man/lady enters into a blood covenant, swearing an oath to marry each other, etc, the devil will take over the relationship and make it impossible for both of them to get married, because the covenant is against the principle of God’s wo rd. The devil will influence in fluence either of them to break the covenant so as to afflict them. Why blood covenant in the first
place? People go into such because they do not just trust each other. Their love for each other is not perfect. The Bible says... “Perfect love cast out all fear .”” Until the blood covenant the individuals enter into is broken by the power of God, such single may find it difficult to find a partner to settle down with.
Effects Demonic oppression- I call demons, the enforcers . They are there to enforce the negative consequences of breaking an agreement, whether it is written or not. They go the extra mile of oppressing not just the guilty party but also the innocent because of their relationship.
I know of a man and woman that went into blood covenant years ago. They eventually broke up the relationship; one of the reasons was because of the difference in their religion. As at the time we last met (year 2004), the lady was not yet married at thirty-two years of age, while the guy who has more of the blame as regards the broken relationship is married. However, circumstances do not favour him. When he went to find out from the Alfas (Islamic scholars), about the reason why things were not going well with him, he was told it was the spirit of the lady he went into covenant with that was working against him. But the truth is that the two of them are under demonic oppression.
Soul tie- One of the effect of going into covenants in order to ensure that both parties involved get married is that the soul of the parties involved are knotted together. It becomes difficult for the parties if the relationship gets broken, either to get involved in another relationship or to do without each other. You can easily observe this if the covenant is that of sexual intimacy; it is easy for the parties to be sexually involved again even if they get married to separate partners. Curses- Covenant breakers are open to curses. If the individual that is hurt pronounces a curse on the guilty party, it usually stands. I was told of a true-life story of a man that promised a lady he was going to get married to her, and the relationship developed over time. Luck shined on him and he traveled abroad, he however did not keep his promise to the lady. After waiting for him for years, she heard that he had gotten married abroad, out of bitterness of heart she cursed him, and today after many years of being married is yet to have a child of his own.
The way out Turn to God- Repentance is the first step to freedom. When you make a covenant with someone, God is a witness to it even if it is not documented, as there are unseen eyes and ears, watching and listening to it. When such transaction is contrary to what the Bible says or it is not adhered to because of necessity, it behooves you to turn to God in repentance if you want to be free. Without the Lord being on your side you 3 will not know freedom; Bob Russell wrote, “We cannot defeat satan without the power of God .”
Restitution- You cannot make restitution for every wrong you have done in life, but there are wrongs that are necessary that you make restitution for. In this situation, if you are the guilty partner, i.e. you are the one that broke up the relationship even though for good reason, you need to go make peace with the person. The reason for the covenant in the first place is so that the parties will stay committed to one another through good times and bad times. When you were entering into it, you were eating more than you can chew.
Break the hold of the devil over you- Do not forget that demons are the enforcers. Use the authority that is in the name of Jesus to break the covenant and every hold of demons over your life. Since the devil’s right over you is the covenant entered into, you need to break it by annulling every of the terms that you entered into, and the consequences of it when anyone defaults.
Behind every anti covenant practices are unseen forces. Bishop David Oyedepo
Curses 1
The Open Bible, and the New American Standard Bible state that, “ A curse is a violent expression of evil upon others .” The Oxford Learner’s Advanced Dictionary Of Current English by A. S. Hornby (1991 Edition) defined a curse as “ A word, phrase sentence calling for the punishment, injury, or destruction of something or someone .” 2
families, communities, villages, and even Evangelist Evangelist C.Y Oyor wrote, “Many people, families, nations are under one form of curse or the other. Curses do not only hinder the blessings of God from coming, they also make the people under them miserable .” I have observed certain curses that affect singles... Parental curses- Some singles are under a curse that caused them to experience delay in settling down in marriage, because they did not honour their parent(s). The light of anyone that dishonours his/her parent for any reason (even if the parent(s) is/her wrong) is turned into obscure darkness. When such happens, the person becomes undesirable in the eyes of people. In the way of the Lord, respect is not reciprocal, respect is given .
Curses due to pride- I have observed that singles who think of themselves more highly than they ought operate under a curse that compels marital delay. For instance, if a man asks a lady’s hand in marriage and she respond in disdain, uttering words that bruise the man’s ego, it can bring her under a curse. If you are observant, you will notice that single ladies who have attained success at an early stage of their lives are the most affected. Curses as a result of breaking another person’s marriage- Some singles are walking under the curse of marital delay because they supported the dissolution of another person’s marriage. The only basis for divorce in the Scriptures is when either of the parties involved is living an adulterous lifestyle; though the Scriptures give room for the guilty party to be forgiven. Any other reason outside of this will bring both the parties involved, and anyone that support the dissolution of the marriage under a curse. One of the effects can be late marriage, and the other is that the marriage of the person walking under this curse will not last. The Scriptures warns that, “...What therefore the Lord has joined together, let not man put asunder”(Matthew 19:6).
Effects Such a single becomes undesirable to would be partners- Even if ones parent(s) is/are wrong for his/their actions, no right thinking person will justify ones rude actions towards them. Such prospective partners become wary of getting involve with such a person as they feel their parents will be most likely treated the same way as that of their intended. The resultant effect is that the single remains unattached as long as the curse is there.
You will be abased- Pride is one of the reason why the devil lost his exalted position in heaven. It is one reason you too will not go far. C.S Lewis has said concerning pride, “The essential vice and utmost evil, is pride. Unchastity, anger, greed, drunkenness, and all that are mere fleabites in comparison. It was through p ride that the devil became the devil. Pride leads to every other vice; it is the complete anti God state of mind .” If some of the men who we call great today should tell the story of their lives, you will hear some of them tell of ladies they would have gotten married to but who despised them because they had nothing tangible then.
The way out Confess the sin to God- Ask the Lord for forgiveness for the sin of disrespect to your parent(s), or that of pride. Do not try to justify your actions before God; only a fool will try to argue before the One who made the rules that nobody can break and not be broken. Turn to Him, and ask Him to forgive you those sins.
1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8) 9)
Repent of it- Start treating your parent(s) with the due respect that they deserve. Humble yourself before the Lord and people, if you are the proud type; do not forget that what you have was given to you by the Lord, not because you are better than others, but because He chose to bless you. Break the curse- When you turn to God in repentance for the sin(s) of above, you need to turn to the devil and tell him in the name of Jesus to get his hands off you, and all that belongs to you. Then break every curse attached to the sin(s). Note these nine ways out of a curse- Dr D.K Olukoya gave nine ways out of 3 curses... Recognize the source of the curse. Repent of any associated sin. Any sin at all in your life that stands to strengthen your enemy against you must be repented of. Revoke the curse; cancel it. Renounce the specific sin. Restrain the evil power behind it, that is, bind the demons that are maintaining the curse, bind all the evil connecting spirit. Reverse the curse. Replace the curse with a blessing. Seek the freedom of Christ. Resist the temptation to go into bondage again.
Every solution to problems such as curses lie in the blood and the name of Jesus, and in what Jesus did on the cross at Calvary. Reverend G. Y. Oyor
The vicious cycle I have decided to treat the issue of this type of curse separately from the last one in order to be more explicit about it. Harry R. Boer wrote the following about the cycle of event, 1 “Man has been created that he lives his life in certain regular patterns that are constantly repeated. This pattern is called the cycle .” There are certain negative events that happened to generations before you, that you see happening in your own life. I call this cycle of event, the vicious cycle . Have you observed that women who gave birth to children out of wedlock, more than often have daughters that give birth out of wedlock. Look around you, you will find out that this is true.
Effects Repetition of event(s)- The devil loves repetition ; and his ability to cause negative events to re-occur again lies in people’s ignorance. You are not better than your parent(s), except you turn to God; you can repeat their mistake(s) or the negative things that happened to them may be repeated in your own life.
I know a family that their father got married at the age of fifty; all of his children that are married, got married late. The only daughter he gave birth to, got married in her late thirties. He still has a son that is close to his fifties that is not married as at the time of the putting together of this book.
Demonic activities in ones life- There is a tendencies that demons will have a strong influence over the life of such singles. I know a lady that after dating a man for sometime, for no tenable reason she breaks up the relationship. However, you can trace the action to her mum who has given birth to children from different men, but not living with any of them. I believe strongly that her action was influenced by demons.
The way out Know your root- Ask questions from your parents about your lineage, who they are, how they lived their lives, etc. Observe your parents’ actions, it will tell you to some extent the way your lineage behaved especially if they (your parents) are not Christians.
The help of the Holy Spirit- You need the help of the Holy Spirit to reveal the things of the past that is a puzzle to your being set free. Love God- Negative cycle of events, keep repeating itself in different generations because the people in those different generations live contrary to God’s principles. It behooves you to love God, and the prove of your love is that you obey Him. Pray and break the cycle in the th e name of Jesus- You can break the hold of the devil over your life and his right to repeat the negative things that have happened in your lineage in the name of Jesus. The Scripture says, “Blotting out the handwriting of
ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross ” (Colossian 2:14 KJV). If you stand on this word, you can command the devil in the name of Jesus to loose his hold over your life.
If you continue to obey my teaching, then you are truly my followers. Then you will know the truth. And the truth will make you free. Jesus the Christ
Character flaws The Lord put this word in my heart; “ Anyone that has charisma but lacks good character is like a pot of soup that smells good but taste terrible .” A Nigerian adage says, “Iwa lewa ” meaning, “Your character is what determines your beauty .” Singles who have not taken time to work on their character defects may find it difficult to enter into an intimate relationship that will lead to marriage.
Effects Dis-association by people- People who do not want any slur on their character will not want to associate themselves with the person with character flaws beyond certain level of relationship. An English adage says, “ Show me your friend and l will tell you who you are”; no honest man will want to be called a thief because of another person.
Negative news spread easily- It is just a matter of time when people who have no intimate dealings with you will get to know from others what you have done wrong, and the kind of person that you really are. Bad news spread like wild fire, and it gets to places that you do not expect it will get to.
The way out You need God- You have the power to start a process in your life. However, to break away from it, you will need God’s help. Someone said, “ Sow an act and you will reap a habit; sow a habit and you will reap a character; sow a character and you will reap a destiny ”, the reason why negative habit becomes impossible to break without God, is that it opens the door for demonic obsession. You will need the help of God to break the devil’s hold.
Pray- When you pray, you are giving God the legal right to step into the situation of your life. You need to first accept that your negative behaviour is a sin before God, and ask Him for forgiveness. Then you need to express your dependency on Him, on the issue of your character flaws, asking for strength to overcome them. Break the hold of the devil- You need to command the devil to get his hold off you in the name of Jesus; you have the legal right to loose yourself from his hold. Renew your mind- The mind is the battleground, if you win there it is just a matter of time that the effect of your victory will be seen by all. You need to study the Scriptures and listen to tapes of men of God, relating to the issue of right living. Take steps in the right direction- You need to play your own part by taking a step per day in the right direction. Change does not happen instantly, it is a gradual process that requires your being responsible.
If I take care of my character, my reputation will take care of itself. D. L. Moody
The loss of a loved one Some singles that have experienced the death of a lover stay away from relationships that may lead to marriage, mourning their loss for months, some for years. The period that these singles spend mourning depends on...
The sex of the individual- Men are usually practical beings, and are not as emotional as the woman. It is therefore possible for the man to get over his loss of a lover and move on with life faster than the woman. Their make up- Singles who are extroverts can easily get over the loss of a loved one, than those that are introverts. Their ability to express their pain to others help in the healing process. An English adage says, “ A problem shared is a problem half solved. ”
Effects Many blame God for their loss- The first Being that many people blame when things go wrong in their lives is God. They have heard some preachers quote scriptures that they interpret wrongly which makes God appear to be a wicked Being. One of them is the saying of Job, “ ... and the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord ” (Job 1:21a). However, if you study the book of Job, you will discover that it was not God that took away all that He gave him. Rather it was the fear that Job nursed that the devil used against him to take what he had away. Job, himself said, “ For the thing which l greatly feared is come upon me, and which l was afraid of is come unto me ” (Job 3:25).
Demonic torment- You can open up to demonic influence if you allow the grief go beyond what is considered to be normal. Yes when a person looses his loved one, it is natural for the person to grieve; but you should remember that the devil is always looking for avenues to gain advantage over you. Some singles are being tormented by the devil because of this.
The way out Answer this question- If the person you are mourning over were to be in your shoes, would he mourn over you forever? Will the person not move on with his live by getting married to another person? If your answer is yes, you need to put yourself together and move on with your own life.
Do not live a life of isolation- If you must get over your loss, you need to stay around people who love you and are concerned about you. The further you stay away from people, the more difficult it is to get over the pain of your loss. Know that death is a normal occurrence- Since the day Adam and Eve gave in to sin; all humanity must go through the death process until the second advent of our Lord Jesus Christ. Some day you too will die to meet the dead either in heaven or in
hell the choice is yours. You need to put yourself together so that you can live your life in the fullness that God wants you to.
You still have God- If you loose anything but still have God, you have lost nothing because God can replace what you have lost with what is better than it. However, if you loose God and you have everything, you have nothing, because the devil that is a thief will come to steal it from you.
Don’t lean on your ability to understand. Don’t turn loose of your faith. But choose to trust Him, by the exercise of the will He has placed within you. The only other alternative- is despair. Dr Jim Conway (Answer in response in his hour of crisis.)
Pervert lifestyle Singles that live a perverted lifestyle, e.g. homosexuality, lesbianism, etc, do not develop interest in settling down in marriage except in countries that such relationship have been legalized. They will rather prefer company of the same sex that they will be sexually involve with.
Effects Demonic possession- Singles who live such lifestyle are open to demonic possession. Since one of the aims of the devil is to pervert what is good, anyone given to any form of perversion is open to being possessed by demons.
A young man that l have been sending emails to (l run a mail ministry,
[email protected] and
[email protected] [email protected],, where l send messages to people who have either attended my programme(s) or whose email addresses l got from friends.) sent me a mail letting me to know that he was a gay. I responded to his mail by letting him know that l was not a gay but that we can be friends, and l gave him my address. One thing l noticed when he came visiting was the strong demonic aura he carried, it was not long before he found out that l was not interested in what he had to offer that he stopped visiting me.
Sexually transmitted disease d isease-- Singles who are given to sexual perversion are prone to sexually transmitted disease. HIV virus can easily be transmitted through homosexual relationships than in heterosexual relationships.
The way out Turn to God- Sex perversion is a sin against God. Right from the beginning God created two people of different sexes, and approved their union. There is no Scripture in the Bible that supports homosexual relationships. If you are involve in it, confess this sin and ask the Lord to forgive you for it. No matter how much people try to justify what is wrong, it can never be right .
Accept the Lordship of Jesus Christ in your life- Make a commitment to the Lord Jesus, accepting him as the Lord of your life. This is the first step to being free from the power of the devil. John White wrote on the power of the redemptive work that the Lord did for every believer and can do for you if you accept him as your Lord and 1 Saviour, and the freedom he will give by saying, “We are redeemed that we might not be under the dominion of darkness but might be really free. And only God’s son can restore our freedom. Freedom is something positive. It is not merely freedom from but freedom to something. We are freed from slavery in order that we might live to and for Christ .”
Break every power of the devil in the name of Jesus- Exercise the authority that you have in the name of the Lord Jesus. Bind and cast out of your life every demon that you have opened the door to through sexual perversion. Walk in the Spirit- l have come to discover that it is easier to break away from other sins than it is from sexual perversion (l have been involved in masturbation in the past.). You will need to walk in the Spirit, because it is by His strength that you can overcome the urge to go back into it. You can walk in the Spirit by daily renewing your mind by His word- the Bible, and by prayers. Break away from the gay company- You have to dissociate from the company that will get you back into the gay lifestyle. Friends have a strong influence on one, it is therefore important that you find a new company to relate with outside of the gay circus.
Freedom under God is what God created us for, and freedom in Christ is what the son died to restore to us. John White
Divine arrangement I am careful to include this point because of the impression that some singles have that makes them think God is responsible for their being single. It is possible for the Lord to tell a single not to get involve in an intimate relationship yet or to divinely intervene so that such a single does not find a suitor yet.
Effects He is still working on you- A lady some years back, told me of her experience. She said there was a time she was questioning the Lord why she was not yet married at her age (27years), she reminded God how she had served Him, and had done what was right before Him; however, He had not answered her in the area of marriage. She told me she kept on questioning the Lord over this issue until the Lord spoke to her heart reminding her of how she had lived a wayward life in the past and that He was still working on her (she actually confessed to me that her past way of life was bad). That ended her question.
He may be bringing you to a state of maturity- People often conclude that they have reached a marriageable age because of their natural age. However, the Lord knows the stage we are in our maturity level. Maturity determines the way you relate with others, handle things, etc. In the sight of the Lord, a thirty-year-old single who just made a commitment to the Lord, is still a baby in the faith who needs to grow.
The way out Submit yourself to His will- Growth process in the Christian faith is tied to our submission to God and our willingness to learn from Him.
Wait until you are prepared for marriage- It is better to get into marriage with God, than rush into it without Him being involved in it. Attend marriage seminars, conferences, etc, to prepare yourself for what you are going to get into. Know that delay may not mean denial- Pastor Chukwuma Ihekwoaba said, “ The devil knows something about man, that man hates delay ”; do not be desperate to leave the present phase that you are in. You may have prayed and it appears that you have not been heard; you have to learn to be patient so that you do not fall into the deception of the devil.
When you relinquish the desire to control your future, you can have more happiness. Nicole Kidman
Prayer and Confession I believe that this book has blessed you, but the foundation of breaking away from marital delay and choosing the right partner is you accepting Jesus as the Lord of your life. If you do, He will guide you by His Spirit, and will show you more than what I have written in this book. He will also help you to make the positive changes that will give you favour in the sight of men. Do pray this prayer with me… “Father I come before you today, I realize that without you I can do nothing right for my self. Forgive my sins, and have mercy on my shortcomings. I accept your son as the Lord of my life, I believe that He died for me to be reconciled to you, therefore write my name in the book of life. Thank you because you have saved me in Jesus name.” Now that you have prayed this prayer of faith, get yourself a Bible; read it and keep praying in the name of the Lord Jesus. My prayer is that, may the Lord whom you have accepted today, keep you till the day of the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, (Amen).
Comment I believe that the things that you have learnt from this book have blessed you; but my desire is not just to write a book but also to have people’s comment about it. If you have anything to contribute, criticize, or comment on the things that are written in this book, please fill free to express them to me through my email,
[email protected] , or call or send me a text message on my mobile no +234(0) 8037257479. Stay blessed. Fasanya, Olufemi
Bibliography Introduction 1
Evangelist and Mrs. Kenneth Onyeme, How to find your life partner without mistakes , page 10 2 EBONY Magazine, Infertility: Help For couples Trying To Conceive , page 53 3 Ernest Ojigho, I’m Single what can l do, page 16 4 EBONY Magazine, Infertility: Help For couples Trying To Conceive , page 53
Fear factor 1
Chuba Kechi, The Foe That Is Fear, Businessday; Tuesday February 25, 2003. Bob Buess, Victory over fear , Page 10, 48 3 Ibid., page 13 4 Ibid,., page 36 5 Ibid., page 11 6 Ibid., page 48 2
Family tie 1
The magazine for family health and medicine, Vol 2, 2003.
Local influence 1
Bishop David Oyedepo, Releasing the supernatural , page 34
Foreign influence 1
Bob Russell, When life is a zoo God still loves you , page 105
Unforgiveness 1 2
supernatural, Page 5 Chukwuma Ihekwoaba, Obtaining the supernatural Kemi Dayo-Aiyetan, Overcoming heartbreaks, December 18,2005, page 50.
Satanic attack 1
Terry Law, The truth about angels, page 161
Spiritual ignorance 1
supernatural, page 11 Chukwuma Ihekwoaba, Obtaining the supernatural
Covenant 1
G.F Oyor, Covenant, curses and the way out , page 5 Ibid., page 24,25 3 Bob Russell, When life is a zoo God still loves you , page 61 2
Curse 1
G.F Oyor, Covenant, curses and the way out , page 58 Ibid., page 58 3 Dr D.K Olukoya, Dealing with hidden curses, page 38 2
The vicious cycle 1
Harry R. Boer, A short history of the early church , page 142
Perverted lifestyle 1
John White, Eros redeemed , page148
Back cover John Maxwell said, “ I’m no scientist, but I’ve noticed that gravity tends to pull everything downwards. And without some planning and direction, a person’s life can do the same ”; in this book Fasanya Olufemi wrote on how you can break away from the late marriage syndrome by been responsible. This book contains… 21 reasons for marital delay 21 effects of marital delay 21 ways out of marital delay Quotes from people… Jesus the Christ, D. L. Moody, Edwin Bliss, Dr Olukoya, Rev. G. F. Oyor, Bishop David Oyedepo, Pastor Sam Ajana, etc.
Stop blaming people for where you are, or else you will not get to the place you dream to be.
