Hypnotic Stories That Change Minds and Shape Emotions Extract From “Conversational Hypnosis in Action” The way to a man (or woman’s) heart is through story.
Stories are all around us, and form the bedrock of how we shape our beliefs and even our identities. Political candidates run for election based on the narrative they tell about their lives and how it ties in with the narrative of the country they are hoping to run. President Obama once even said that one of the biggest jobs an American President has is to tell the American people an overarching story which relates the events of the world and the country to the lives of the regular people.
You are living your own personal narrative. What you think about yourself – your strengths, weaknesses and so on – all have their root in a story that you tell yourself. These stories aren’t factual, they aren’t real. Rather, they are remembered and
interpreted by you, and spun and framed so that they support and feed the beliefs you have shaped for yourself. Successful people tell themselves a story about how they learn, overcome failure, grow and succeed. Unsuccessful people tell themselves a story about how the world is against them, and they lack the skills or opportunities others have.(c) Nathan Thomas .In order to influence somebody and really connect with them, you have to understand story. Since the dawn of civilisation story has shaped and defined the human species. Written or spoken, stories define a culture and a family, a friendship or marriage, work relationship and even a building or artwork or song. If you don’t understand story, you don’t understand life!
So how do you use the power of story to influence others and change minds,
and tap into this incredible force that flows through all of us? One of the most powerful and persuasive ways is to use stories that mirror the situation that someone else is in, without directly referencing it. This is the key behind what people call therapeutic metaphor. An Example of Problem Solving Metaphor Today I took a break from writing this book to grab a coffee (or green tea in my case actually since it’s late!) with an old friend from where I grew up.
He was a bit down on his luck and was struggling to motivate himself to get out of a rut. Rather than giving him a motivational speech and preaching life lessons (never a good look!) I gently changed the subject and told a story about my trip to
China earlier on this year. I told about being totally lost and confused in strange bustling cities, and having to completely figure things out as I go despite being totally out of my depth.The point I was making was that when you get the courage to drop yourself in a strange and challenging situation, you will amaze yourself with your own resourcefulness, and always find a way to pull through. The story I told mirrored his situation – fear to leave his comfort zone and challenge himself – but was interesting and removed enough for me to get in all the lessons without directly having to say and do anything. Discovering Your Own Personal Bank of Stories Even if you think you live an ‘ordinary’ life you still have a wealth of stories to
use to motivate, inspire and persuade others. The key is to search for common themes that will be useful for you as a persuader. Saying something through story is much more persuasive than just saying something directly. Plus, telling stories is intrinsically good!
When you get good at telling stories which enthral and entertain, people will not be able to help but hang off your every word! So first of all become an observer of stories, both things that happen to you and things that you read and see on the TV. Develop a journalist’s eye for a tale and ear for a quirk.
Discover interesting characters in your life, and read weird and wonderful books. Think just about the last week of your life and ask yourself, what events / stories / ideas / people did you meet / watch / read or hear about that demonstrate the following. • Overcoming a problem
• Finding resources you didn’t know you had • Learning something new • Gaining new energy • Changing your world view • Finding pleasure in life
Even everyday events can be powerful stories. I recently sent my email newsletter a story about my cat and how she behaves whenever I get back from an overseas trip. Her behaviour – shunning me at first as ‘punishment’ for leaving then eventually forgiving me – was a perfect metaphor for the message I was trying to impart. Stories are everywhere. Become a collector of stories and a compulsive storyteller. The only way to get good and develop your own style is to practice. Make a real effort to tell a story in all significant interactions you have, and see what effect they have.
You’ll be stunned by just how much people long for a good story, and how even the most trivial and commonplace of everyday occurrences can become a powerful and persuasive story if you let it. Telling a powerful story When you tell a story, it’s essential that you lose yourself in it. Transport yourself there, and you’ll take your listeners with you!(c) Nathan Thomas – 2013 –
www.DiscoverInfluence.com Talk in multiple senses, use sight, sound, feelings and even tastes and smells if appropriate to totally make the scene you’re creating come alive. When you first start out as a story teller get carried away! If you start out going over the top and getting carried away by the energetic exuberance of your own storytelling, that’s great!
From that starting point you can gradually reign yourself in as you gain more experience, and develop that subtlety, reserve and finesse that really marks a master storyteller. But, you have to start off up in the air! Throw your inhibitions to the wind and immerse yourself in the world you are creating with your words. As you do so, you’ll be observing what works and gradually shaping your style to remove what you don’t need and refine what you’re good at. Before you know it, you’ll be telling stories that have been hanging off your
every word! You’ve just learned a lot... ... BUT there’s a whole lot more to be discovered!
Here are 27 simple ways to hypnotize others and communicate hypnotically. Think about how you can use these in a range of situations, there are no limits to this! 1: Interrupt a pattern 2: Use the word “imagine”
3: Describe in multiple sense – hear, feel, see, touch, smell 4: Ask higher level questions “what does that mean” “whats important to you about…”
5: Go there first! 6: Tell a story 7: Speak with authority and confidence 8: Speak to someone in their „language‟
9: Be there to help, not exploit 10: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood” (the late Stephen Covey)
11: Relax, and project your voice from the belly, not the throat or nose 12: Pause and be comfortable with managing silence 13: Be in the moment and trust your subconscious mind 14: Describe a peaceful and relaxing situation 15: Trigger „trance anchors;‟ thoughts, images or memories associated with relaxation or
fascination 16: Fascinate the mind and captivate the imagination 17: Utilize ambiguity in the words you use to send subtle messages 18: Vary your tonality as you speak to emphasize messages and speak more dynamically 19: Be aware of the natural rhythms in which you speak and vary this situationally 20: Always be conscious of your „hypnotic intent‟ – what do you want to achieve? 21: Constantly learn from your interactions and attempts, there is no failure so long as you try! 22: Paint a vivid mental picture and emphasize the imagery you create 23: Be aware of peoples „primary modality‟ (what sense they use primarily to interpret the world) but don‟t exaggerate the importance of this
24: Utilize the awesome power of metaphor 25: Speak to the subconscious mind, be aw are that there‟s more going on than we are consciously aware of 26: Actually listen, be aware of what people mean, not just what they say 27: Use simple, clear language that is easy to understand when giving suggestions. Ok I‟m on a roll so I‟ll give you a few more good ones: 28: Think in terms of emotional states, what do you want people to be feeling as you speak to them? 29: Revivify – use questions to connect to past experiences when people felt certain emotions 30: Beliefs are powerful but they are not set in stone, question them gently and they may fall apart, challenge them directly and they‟ll merely strengthen
31: Use presuppositional language- speak in a way which presumes that whatyou want to accomplish has already happened 32: People care more about themselves than they do about you, say “you,” not “I‟
A "party girl" is any woman who loves to party. This can actually mean many things. Some party girls love to just have a good time - which may or may not include drinking and/or having sex. Others take the drinking aspect of "party girl" to more of an extreme. Yet others will exhibit party girl – likewho tendencies drinking too much the girl loves dancing twowithout or three times each week.or having Havingexcessive a date or sex girlfriend is awho “party girl”toisgo notout salsa necessarily bad – it really depends upon how YOU feel about how she acts. Chances are that if you are bothered even a little by her party girl tendencies at first – then it will become more of a problem later on … so keep that in mind! I‟ve dated a number of party girls. The more recent was a nurse named Debi who was so much
fun! When she and I first started dating, I noticed that she could put away the drinks and hold her own. And when I first had her over at my home, we wound up drinking a little too much - and then the situation erupted into a powerful sexual encounter which just floored me because I was so attracted to her. For the year and a half or so that we dated, we had a great time together … although over time it started to become obvious that she drank just a little too much fairly consistently. She wound up dumping me because I came down on her about her drinking several times toward the end – as her drinking had embarrassed me in several public situations. For the record though, I absolutely loved Debi – and I would never have driven her away on purpose. Another type of party girl is the one who goes out dancing at clubs all the time – with or without her boyfriend. One of my friends dated a woman like this – her name was Mayra. Mayra was a mid 20s full-blooded Mexican who absolutely loved to salsa dance … and she was extremely good at it. When Mayra danced, people often cleared the floor for her (just like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever). My friend, Antonio, was absolutely in love with Mayra … and it did not seem to bother him that she went out dancing without him several times each week, often staying out until 2 or 3 a.m. Sometimes he would go with her – but he could not dance like Mayra, and so many times he chose not to go just so she could have her fun. Now me, personally – I would probably have had a problem dating a woman who went out without me that often … staying out that late. I never heard any stories of her cheating on him – so maybe I‟m just a little paranoid. Those two remain together to this day – in fact, they got married last year. As a midlife bachelor, you are less likely to encounter party girls who consistently stay out all night …
as that is more typically found among younger women in their twenties. [However, if you are in your forties or fifties and are dating younger women in their twenties, then you are a hero to the rest of us midlife and I salute of the party girls in their thirties or olderitare more likely tobachelors take their … drinking and/oryou.] sex toMost excess … which can be a lot late of fun. Ultimately is up to you
as to whether you want to maintain a long-term relationship with a party girl. This type of woman can be a lot of fun, so I suggest you at least explore them!
"High Maintenance" can mean many things. Sometimes the term "high maintenance" is used synonymously with what I later refer to as a "showgirl", also known as an "attention whore". But I believe the showgirl/attention whore type is distinct and different from what I‟m calling "high maintenance" … although in
some cases a woman who is "high maintenance" is also a "showgirl". Let me differentiate between my interpretations of the two. "High maintenance " refers to a woman wh o requires you to expend a lot of mo ney and/or effort in order to make her happy … whereas the requirements of a
"showgirl" are more emotional rather than monetary or physical - the showgirl needs more interaction with or attention from you. I'll go into more detail later on the characteristics of a showgirl/attention whore – but this is probably good for now. A wom an who is "high maintenance" is
typically
what I call "foo foo" .
A foo-foo
wom an is
usually very good-looking, and goes to great lengths to maintain or enhance her appearance. These women usually have perfect hair and perfect makeup … they usually have their
nails done at least once a week or so … they prefer to relax in a salon or spa -type setting while
getting a facial, and they typically overspend on clothes and shoes, in particular. They also usually wax their body hair – including their bikini area … oh yeah! A foo foo woman is also more likely to have cosmetic surgical procedures – such as breast enhancements, laser skin treatments, chemical peels, etc. Sounds great, huh? I personally enjoy foo foo women quite a bit! Foo foo is one typical component of a "high maintenance" woman. The other characteristics of high maintenance include (eventually) the reality that you are likely to wind up PAYING for some or all of what I just described as foo foo attributes! What I‟m saying here is that "high maintenance" more often than not implies that you (the boyfriend of the high maintenance woman) will financially subsidize the appearance and lifestyle of your woman in some way. Lifestyle subsidy refers to the cost of keeping the woman happy – and could include things like dining only at fine restaurants, staying at the most expensive hotels, going to the most expensive cosmetic surgeons, owning an expensive car, shopping at expensive stores, etc. I‟m not saying any of this is bad – it is just something to consider when evaluating a potential new girlfriend. Can you afford her? Do you want to afford her? Is she really worth it? Here are several examples of "high maintenance". I once briefly dated a woman who is from what I would call "old money" in the area that I live. She was always used to the best of everything … fine dining, pricy wine, first class everything. Now I would not regard myself as a cheapskate, but I realized early on when I first started dating her that I would need to consult my financial planner before seeing her more than once a week … because she always insisted on going to the best
restaurants, and would order the $100 bottle of wine. My typical dinner bill with her came out to be around $200, and that was without going anywhere else! One night out each week would cost me $300-$400, depending on what we did and where we went. For me at that particular time, I could afford it – but I thought it was too much. I remember thinking that I could date a handful of ordinary women for the same money. Plus this woman did not put out – and at first that pissed me off. After a few weeks however, I thought it was probably better not to sleep with her – as that might have drawn me in closer, and cost me even more money! Of course, what happened was that she dumped me after a month or two for some rich doctor … and I was totally fine with that.
My current very foo foo girlfriend is also fairly high maintenance. When she moved in with me, I was informed that all my wonderful comfortable bachelor furniture was going to have to go. And after new
carpet, new bathroom fixtures, and all-new very high-end furniture – I found myself $30,000 poorer (in just a few months mind you). Then her car (an older-model Saturn) was stolen from outside my home – and I felt obligated to get her a new one … so of course she chose a Lexus! When we went on our first vacation to Cancun, she wanted us to stay at the Ritz Carlton. When I agree to take her shopping for clothes or shoes … it is off to Nordstrom we go. Now I‟m definitely not complaining – I actually did not mind doing any of these things for her, or for us as a couple … but it all falls under the category of "high maintenance" to be sure! And I‟d much rather be with a high maintenance woman versus anything else … the opposite maybe being a third world woman who carries huge buckets of
water on her head for miles! As a midlife bachelor, you are probably in the peak of your earning years – and assuming that you have not lost everything in your divorce, you can probably afford one of these high maintenance women. You‟ve got to decide for yourself if the high maintenance type is right for you. Trust me – they are not bad … some of the other types can be much, much worse, such as the next type
"psycho".
Psycho - that one word says it all. It means completely nuts. Psycho women will do things that are completely crazy ... lacking rational thought ... actions with no thought about consequences. Sometimes they are violent. Sometimes they break things or throw things. Sometimes they scream and yell. Sometimes they do outrageous things like vandalize your car, or embarrass or harass you at work. They might even threaten you or your new girlfriend. You get the idea. These women are just plain crazy - and there is nothing you can do to change them. Your best strategy after you recognize that a women is psycho is to cut your losses immediately … hopefully before she gets too attached to you, as that might minimize potential bad behavior that might be directed toward you. Sounds scary, eh? The funny part is that most psycho women do not appear to be psycho right away. Often times it takes many months before their true colors start to show. You best bet as a midlife bachelor is to watch for early signs of psychosis, and then make your decisions. One thing to be careful of – women who are psycho are often very passionate in nature … which means they are most likely very good in bed. Remember what I said earlier when I was talking about “false starts” – good sex can mask over a lot of things. So when the sex starts off really, really hot … be extra careful. Watch the rest of her behavior very carefully, and see especially how she treats other people – as that is one key method for early detection of a psycho woman. Let me give you some examples. My good friend, Greg, has a psycho wife named Tiffany – who I often use as an example throughout this website. One thing that Tiffany still does to this day is harass the people that work in grocery or department stores if they are not super courteous to her. In other words, if they do not extend a high degree of graciousness toward her, she is likely to cause a scene. Now I have never personally witnessed one of these episodes – but they apparently are bad enough that my friend, Greg, will not go shopping with Tiffany. He also tells me that she will start yelling at other customers in a store if, for example, someone bumps into her accidentally. The bottom line is that this woman is so psycho that she thinks the world must bow down to her. A good example in my own life was a woman named Mia who worked at one of the local car dealerships. The service manager had fixed me up with her because he said she was without a boyfriend, and I (the midlife bachelor) was available at the time, plus I was a pretty decent guy. Anyway, I met this woman at a restaurant of her choosing – and she picked a Sizzler. [Obviously her restaurant choice told me she was not high maintenance … which was fine.] When I met her – wow, she was a really good-looking blonde. She had kind of a big ass, but I go through phases where I like big asses – so I thought she was going to be a great ride. I knew this woman had manners and professionalism since she was the customer service manager at the car dealership … so everything was looking good at this point. Now if you know the Sizzler restaurants, you know that you order at the register and then the waitress brings the food out to you. Here‟s where the early warning system started to kick in. When the waitress brought Mia her food – Mia was not happy at all with it. She said her steak was not done enough – but clearly both I and the waitress could see that it was prepared “medium” with some pink … which was just the way she ordered it. So Mia had it sent back … and my food sat in front of me while we waited. A few minutes later, the waitress brought Mia a new steak – this one was more “medium well” with barely – this wasn‟t good enough … so Mia sent it back, as any pink (which wasmeal whatget Miacold. askedThe for).third Again I watched my own try worked – but not before Mia had gotten pretty huffy with the waitress. My own take on the situation was – this is a Sizzler, not a five star restaurant … I
wanted to tell Mia to shut the fuck up, and eat the damn steak, but I never said a word. I did leave the waitress a nice tip though. Okay – so the psycho illustration of Mia continues. Mia was a single mom, and was not receiving any child support. She lived in the poor part of town, and drove an older car. She asked me to come over, and that she would make me dinner – but she only had hamburger helper, with no hamburger. To me this sounded like she might appreciate some help – so on my way over, I purchased a couple of packages of ground sirloin … one for that night, and one for her and her son on a different night. When I showed up with the meat, she had a fit – she said she didn‟t need any
fucking handouts! I explained to her that I was just trying to help out, and she did wind up using the meat … but whole evening was weird because she had bitched me out so badly when I first arrived. When it came time for me to leave, she walked me out to my car … and when I tried to give her a kiss, she told me “Not in front of my son, you idiot!” Her son was inside playing a video game, and I was only looking for a peck, not a m ake out session … so as I drove away, I was 100% positive that this girl was absolutely psycho, and I never called her again. Everything that happened with Mia occurred right away – the signs of psychosis were very obvious, and any midlife bachelor would have to be blind not to notice them. Sometimes the signs can take quite some time to surface – as is the case of one of my earliest girlfriends, Michele. Michele was a very good-looking, very intelligent blonde that I had met in my youth. She and I dated, and wound up in bed together very quickly. The sex was absolutely fantastic – and I couldn‟t get enough of her … we were always knocking it out any chance we could. After the newness of the relationship started to wear off, I began to notice that Michele had a pretty bad temper at times. She didn‟t yell at people in public (as in the Tiffany example), rather her anger was directed pretty much at me only, and would – buildshe up would over time. Her anger and then just about anything would off – and actually punch mewould in theaccumulate, face, like a man! I had never seen anything like set this her before ever … so I was unsure how to handle it. I never hit her back – but what I did do (when I saw the punch coming) was stop her fist with my hand, and twirl her around into a bear hug until she calmed down. Her behavior alarmed me so much that I insisted she go to a psychologist for therapy … which she did. But that violent behavior always came back. I thought about calling the police – but friends had told me that anytime you call the police in a domestic violence situation, the man always goes to jail ... plus I thought it would look a little silly of me telling a police officer that this hot little blonde was abusing me – it just sounded bad. Fortunately, she dumped me before things got any worse. [I‟ve never had any other girlfriend ever behave violently toward me.]
You can see from these examples the different symptoms of a woman being psycho, and the various timeframes in which this behavior emerges. The bottom line – as a midlife bachelor, you‟ve got to keep your eyes and ears open … you‟ve got to watch these women like a hawk, and know what you are getting yourself into. Sure – you can continue dating a psycho woman … bu t there will come a
time when you may regret it. My advice is that you deal with it earlier rather than later, and jettison any psycho woman you find yourself dating. Your next girlfriend is not likely to be as psycho! Next, please!
A dullard is som eone who is just flat out dull, boring, uninteresting, and probably uninterested in many things. They usually lack a colorful personality, and also typically have low self-esteem. As a midlife bachelor, you can date a dullard – just be prepared to be bored. And be prepared for the fact that YOU will always need to create all of the excitement in the relationship, as dullard women are followers, not leaders. In the past, when I have discovered myself dating a woman who is boring and dull, I have privately nicknamed her “Betty Boring”. And when we as a couple have together become extremely boring together, I have referred to us as “Bob and Betty Boring”. When I used the “Bob and Betty Boring” reference openly, my dullard girlfrien ds did not get especially upset with me – primarily because I‟ve always been a big joker, and they came to expect something like that from me. Plus I was referring to both of us – not just her … and that makes a difference. But privately – I knew she
was really the boring one! Don‟t confuse a dullard with someone who just has COMPLETELY DIFFERENT INTERESTS than you – because that is completely unrelated. [If you and a woman have absolutely no common interests, then unless you are temporarily having great sex with her – you should probably quit the relationship (since you have nothing in common but your “parts”).] A woman with some different interests is fine – that makes her interesting in my book. But a woman who is interested in nothing is a dullard! Let‟s visit a couple of examples to help you as a midlife bachelor differentiate between a
dullard versus someone who is just different. I‟ll start with the dullard. The sister of a female friend of mine arranged for me to meet a very pretty
younger girlfriend of hers who happened to work in the same insurance department at a local bank. I wasn‟t expecting much from this introduction because previous blind dates had been consistent wastes of my time. But I remember walking into the bank, and then meeting this woman – and WOW
was she ever hot stuff. She was about ten years younger than me, olive skin, nice full lips, great smile, and a great-looking rack – hot dog, I was thrilled. Since this was just a “Hello – how are you”type introduction, it only lasted maybe five or ten minutes … just long enough for each of us to check the other out. The sister of the female friend had vouched for both of us to the other already – and now that I had seen this woman, I thought “Yep – I would definite ly go out with her”. And so I did – I took her out several times, and each time I found myself struggling to keep the conversation moving. It seemed that Tabitha (that was her name) was very attractive, but she had very little to say. Now don‟t get me wrong – sometimes a quiet woman can be an enormous blessing … but what I was reading from her went further than just quiet. She really did not do anything except work … she was not really interested in shopping (huh?) … she didn‟t have any hobbies or play any sports (huh?) … and pretty much all she did was watch TV when she wasn‟t working. I did take her and her 5 year old son out jet skiing once, and the child screamed bloody murder – and Tabitha told me she wouldn‟t want to do that again. I remem ber thinking to myself, “what exactly floats this woman‟s boat?” No – I didn‟t sleep with her … after a few dates, I just couldn‟t keep our conversations going any longer, as I had run out of things to say. She was so dull that the only thing I could do was ABANDON SHIP – which is a great strategy for a midlife bachelor to pursue in cases like this. Here‟s a different kind of example. At work I met this very smoking hot Latina engineer named
Trish. She had big eyes, full lips, and was very intelligent. She was the hottest female electrical engineer I‟ve ever met – so hot that I found myself stumbling in my words around her (which is embarrassing). To make a long story short, I was able to get her out for several dinner dates. As I got to know her, it turned out that she was pretty much the polar opposite of me. She was not materialistic whereas I am extremely liked older automobiles, was not impressed with my brandnew BMWmaterialistic. M3 … whichShe I found very beater odd. One really bigand difference between us came out during our first dinner date – she told me that she had a very large tattoo on her ass, and that it extended up from her leg, and around to her back. I was somewhat in disbelief
because Electrical Engineers are not typically tattooed – so I had her show me this monster tattoo … and sure enough, it was huge. [It was also a huge turn off for me – but I figured I would at least get her in the sack before passing further judgment (because she was so hot).] The next dinner date with Trish came, and after dinner we walked around downtown Brea, CA – and wandered together into a bookstore. She gravitated over to the magazine rack, and began looking at one of the hardcore tattoo rags on the shelf … and started pointing out to me which ones she thought were cool, and which type she was thinking about to cover her back. Cover her back? I couldn‟t just sit there and lie to the woman by telling her that I thought heavily tattooed women are sexy … so I told her what I was thinking at the time, that I couldn‟t possibly understand why anyone other than a rock star would
do that to themselves, and that I thought it looked really ghetto. You should have seen Trish‟s face – she was so angry with me. I got no kiss goodnight – nothing. And once again, I pursued the ABANDON SHIP strategy … which was entirely appropriate because I just couldn‟t go along with this woman‟s interests. So the point here is that Trish was NOT a dullard – she had interests … those
interests were just so different than mine that it made continuation of our dating ridiculous. Boy, she was hot though. My message here – don‟t confuse a dullard with someone who has interests that are extremely different than yours … but recognize that the end -result is often the same as with a dullard, and that is that these relationships are often doomed.
My good friend in the entertainment industry, Kev, actually coined the term “housecat” (as it applies to women)
during a telephone conversation I was having with him about my current girlfriend. Kev had called me at home around lunchtime on a handful of occasions, and each time I told him that I needed to keep my voice down because the little woman was sleeping. Kev finally asked me after pointing out that it was after 12:00 noon – “Did you marry a housecat?” After I stopped laughing, and several hours later, I realized that in a certain sense I am actually dating a housecat … but not an actual cat, rather a particular type of wo man! After recognizing this, I thought more about it – and I could point to several of my friends who also live with housecat women … although some of these women are more extreme housecats than others. Okay – so the definition of a “housecat” type of wo man that I have settled on is: any woman who spends a significant amount of her time at home, sleeping, watching TV, doing homerelated chores, or doing nothing at all. There are different degrees of being a “housecat”. For example, my current girlfriend works full-time – but because she is a teacher, has periods of time when she is not working for weeks … and during those weeks, she often sleeps in until 1:00 p.m. She is also very organized around our home – she keeps everything picked up, cleans and
dusts a lot, and enjoys watching TV. Compared to the average woman, in my opinion she spends about twice as much time at home. None of this is bad or negative – I love this woman, and I would not change a thing about her. She is not out partying, or doing anything bad … she is just a little more of a home-body. And I think that is just fine. Another example is a woman named Karen who lives with m y friend, Ronnie. Karen has lived with Ronnie for two years or so, and I do not think she has ever held one job for more than two months. She seems to prefer sitting at home, watching TV, smoking cigarettes, and chatting with her girlfriends. Ronnie seems happy with this, and she also seems happy – so I am not criticizing … rather I am pointing out that she is also a “housecat”, but a more extreme type than the woman that I am living with. You as a midlife bachelor need to decide if you like the housecat type of woman. The upside to dating a housecat is that your house will likely be cleaner and tidier than it would otherwise (assuming she is not a LAZY HOUSECAT – ha!). You will also have more companionship than you otherwise might. But if you like an independent woman who goes out, and makes things happen – then a housecat woman is probably not the right fit for you.
A “housewife” is significantly different than a “housecat” woman – even though
they might seem to imply similar qualities, they actually do not. The typical universal definition of the term “housewife” is a woman who manages her own household as her career – like a “homemaker”. That type of housewife is married – and I am not referring to married women! I use the term, “housewife”, in a much more narrow sense … I mean it to refe
r to a single w
oman
–
She may drive a minivan (yikes), she may be overweight (if you are a chubby-chaser, then watch it jiggle), she may be receiving large alimony or child support payments (which can help you pay for stuff). I have dated a lot of housewives in my midlife bachelorhood – and I can tell you the single best quality they all share is that they are (more often than not) sex-starved, and ready for some ACTION! Oh yeah! Housewives typically give it up quickly – in other words, it is relatively easy to get them into bed. So dating a housewife is actually a good thing – unless you hate children. [I will come back and address the subject of children from a prior relationship later – right now, I am focusing on the mom … the housewife. ] To date a housewife, you have to be at the very least TOLERANT of children – although in some cases, you may never usually divorced, and often with kids.
actually see your housewife‟s children.
Examples – where do I begin? I have dozens and dozens of examples from my own past. Let‟s start with the aerobic housewife I met at the gym a number of years ago. I actually knew this woman in high school, plus I did some business with her parents‟ company for which she worked for a
while. She had been married for as long as I could remember, and I knew that she had just had a child around two years ago. Anyway, I ran into Linda at the local grocery store – and as I was talking to her in the aisle, I noticed that she was not wearing a wedding ring. When I asked her about this, she said that she had split up with her husband four months prior – and was getting a divorce. “That is a shame, Linda – I‟m so sorry to hear this. Maybe I can take you out for a drink or dinner or something sometime?” And her eyes lit up – and her lips said “Sure”. Next thing I knew I was out with Linda – and before the end of the second date, her hot little skirt was down, down, down to the ground. This woman was obviously sex-starved because she craved what I was giving her – and we wound up having it quite a lot. She had these DD size breasts, too – and they would clap together when I had her on all fours … which was extremely entertaining! Here‟s another quick story – this woman named Margie worked at the local private postal center. She was around five years younger than me, and every time I came in – I noticed that she
would make it a point to interact with me. I knew from talking to her that Margie was divorced, and had three children – which is a lot of kids! After a while, Margie started calling me from the private postal center – not just to tell me I had a package to pick up … but sometimes just to say “hi”. At that point, I knew I had “one on”, and I asked her out. Margie and I started having sex almost immediately. All I had to do was open the front door, and she was ready to go down. This was great – except that right from the start, it kind of bounded the relationship to sex. As the months went by, we both realized that we didn‟t really have a lot in common except how happy the sex m ade us. Plus – at that point in my life (early 30s), I really did not want to wind up marrying a woman who had three children from a prior marriage … so I kept her fairly distant from a relationship standpoint. Yet we managed to see one another at least once each week – and we always wound up in bed … usually within the first ten minutes after she arrived. My friends all made fun of me for dating these housewives.
They said that I‟m getting someone else‟s leftovers … that worrying about their kids is a burden … and that these women being maybe slightly chunky were unattractive … WRONG! These women were all very good-looking, and extremely sexy. I would tell my loser friends that I‟d rather date a housewife than do what they were doing – which was jacking themselves off alone in the shower every night. I just love the housewives – I‟m telling you they are a great category of woman for a midlife bachelor to be with … oh yes they
are!
I use the term “caterer” here to describe a woman who is attentiv e to a man‟s
needs (versus a woman who cooks for a living
…
although
that
might
be
nice!). A woman who is a caterer is someone who is very easy-going, and who will want to help you out with whatever it is you are into, or are doing, etc. These caterer women can be very handy to have around – they will do most of the work for you. They typically are more of the housewife and/or housecat type – and usually are not professionally employed. These women are PLEASERS … they want to make you
happy, and will go through a lot of extra effort in trying to make you happy. What am I talking about, specifically? Sex? Maybe – but to a true caterer, sex would be only one symptom. Other symptoms of a caterer here might include baking you cookies, offering to make your friends dinner, bringing you an unsolicited present, cleaning your house, washing your car, walking your dog, pulling weeds in your garden, etc. In other words, a caterer is often chore-oriented! And there is nothing I like better than watching a woman work! [You cannot ever tell that to a woman though.] Midlife bachelors deserve to have a caterer in their lives … but sadly, in American culture today, there are
relatively few caterers to be found. At least I have not met too many of them. My friend, Gordy, seems to attract more than his share of caterer women. His current girlfriend, Kim, is most definitely a caterer – as she often makes treats for all of Gordy‟s friends whenever people come over to watch TV. She has even made us dinner – and she is a great cook. Gordy likes karaoke, and so does Kim – they have these karaoke parties, and Kim shares the microphone just like Gordy. [Enough alcohol, and everyone sounds great.] Aside from cooking, the one quality that sticks out in my mind about Kim is that she genuinely wants to make Gordy happy. Everything she does is centered not on her – but on Gordy, and how he thinks or feels about something. Now Gordy is not necessarily the kindest of boyfriends toward her at times – so I suppose that sometimes these caterer women are attracted to or influenced by some level of negative feedback … hard for me to say. I, myself, have not dated too many caterer women – so I have to rely on what I see in others. One thing I have noticed about Gordy‟s current caterer, and also at least one of his previous
caterer girlfriends is that they most definitely have low self-esteem. Perhaps catering is the way they seek approval and validation of their persona? We might have to consult a psychologist or psychiatrist in order to continue with a detailed analysis – but for now, for midlife bachelor purposes – caterers can be good for you, and for your friends!
f you are a new midlife bachelor, then you probably have forgotten what having great sex is all about. You may have also forgotten what having sex frequently means … as often sex
in long-term relationships slows down to a crawl in terms of frequency. [A lot of guys I know in long-term multiyear relationships are lucky to get laid once every two weeks.] If as a midlife bachelor you suddenly find yourself dating a nymphomaniac, then your world is changing drastically for the better – at least for the short-term. A nymphomaniac is a woman who loves to have a lot of sex as often as possible. And if she is attractive and only interested in you – then life is truly a happy place! How do you explain a nymphomaniac? She’s just GOT to have you – it is that simple … and there is nothing more attractive to a midlife bachelor than a woman who has GOT to have him! It is just sex all the time … hot, sloppy, repeated sex ALL THE TIME. Nevermind why – it doesn‟t matter (at least not in the short-term). You have to take it for what it is – a blessing that God has bestowed upon you (I say it this way, and I‟m not a religious man). Women like this don‟t grow on trees – they are not everywhere. In fact, I believe they are few and far between. Some people go a lifetime without dating one. But if you are one of the fortunate few to date one, you will smile when you think of her for the rest of your life! Now there are a few problems associated with nymphomaniac women – but I‟ll come back to that after my examples.
In my own past, I believe that I‟ve only dated one nymphomaniac. To me, a nymphomaniac is a woman who wants to have sex more than twice a day … and in my example, we were having it four or five times a day. I actually discussed this particular nymphomaniac girlfriend, Becky, in the “Great Sex Hides the Truth ” section of Fundamental Truth #3 – but I‟m going to elaborate here. As I mentioned, I had known Becky as a friend for many years … and I always thought she was hot stuff. She was very pretty, blonde, and had a nice curvy shape to her. She wasn‟t fat, but she wasn‟t skinny either – I think she probably weighed around 130. She was always super sweet to me – very polite, personable … and I could tell that she was interested in me even though for as long as I
had known her, each of us had a girlfriend or boyfriend at any given time. To make a long story short, Becky was breaking up with her long-term boyfriend – and she started hanging out with me during lunchtime, strictly as friends. Over a period of months, however, there was this chemistry between us that became so obvious that neither of us could ignore it. It started with one hardcore makeout session kiss – and it quickly progressed into the bedroom. After the first night of sex, she started coming over at all hours of the day or night. Sometimes on weekends, we would spend the entire late morning and afternoon in bed … having sex time after time. I was in my very late thirties at this point in time, and honestly I hadn‟t had sex with a woman more than twice in one session since my late teens or early twenties … I didn‟t even think it was possible for me to do it that many times – but I did. Becky just craved me – and she was the perfect sex partner for me. I was so hyper-attracted to
her that I could not help having sex with her. bachelorhood.
It was the most intense experience of my midlife
Of course, that whole relationship with Becky came crashing down within several months. As I explained earlier in the “Great Sex Hides the Truth” section of Fundamental Truth #3 - as I got more entwined in Becky‟s life, I discovered things about her that I really didn‟t like and couldn‟t handle. Becky wasn‟t a bad person – although she did wind up cheating on me. Instead I think that Becky was in a stage of her own life where she needed attention and gratification – and even though I was very sad to see her go, I‟m glad she did go.
Another midlife bachelor example of nymphomania is from my good Midwestern friend, Cornfed Ed. Cornfed lives in Nebraska – and had been married for roughly twenty years, with two children. For various reasons, he and his wife split up – and Cornfed found himself age 40, and alone in the Midwest. Now Cornfed is a former US Marine, a pretty physically-fit guy overall. He has all his
hair, and he is not gray. He doesn‟t really look 42 today – although he was age 40 when all of this was happening. He met one of his new apartment neighbors – a younger woman named Tracy who was 28 at the time. I don‟t know all of the details of their relationship because I live in Southern California, and heard much of this second-hand from Cornfed Ed. But he would tell me that this woman was a former stripper with a large pair of hooters … and that she would just lo ve to have sex with him repeatedly (four or five times a night). Tracy is apparently a very emotional woman – as Ed has told me that she makes his life very difficult at times. He says that she is very moody, and yells and screams and carries on quite a bit. It has been two years, and Ed is still with her – but he has moved out from living with her … as she was making his life, and that of his 10 -year old son, fairly uncomfortable. But whether Ed lives under the same roof as her or not, he tells me that to this day, they still knock it out at least several times each day. Probably not EVERY day, but most days, I imagine. You (the midlife bachelor) are probably reading this, and thinking “Wow – I must find me one of these nymphomaniac women”. Well you should probably experience something like this at least once in
your life BUT REMEMBER that there is a price to pay. What I mean here is that in my mind, anytime there is extreme behavior involved – there is usually a downside that you might not see right away. I said much earlier that “Great Sex Hides the Truth ” … you should definitely remember that. When things are new and very hot, you tend to overlook potential incompatibilities. Plus both of you are typically on your best behavior at the beginning … so just try to stay grounded no matter what the circumstances. In case you missed the lessons from both my and my friend, Cornfed Ed‟s
experiences with nymphomaniac women, here they are: 1. Nymphomaniac women may need attention from more than just one person. 2. Nymphomania be cut a symptom of a mood disorder. 3. Be prepared to may quickly your losses, and move on – but always smile when you think of the nymphomaniac woman because she was God‟s gift to your midlife bachelorhood! Get what you can out of your relationship with a nymphomaniac woman – and be prepared to cut your losses in a hurry, and move on. [This is sometimes known as “guerrilla dating” … where you hit her hard, and then get out of there in a big hurry! I do not mean physically strike her – rather I mean sleep with her quickly, and then vanish into thin air as if you were never there to begin with
How many of us know a woman who frequently puts on some kind of show? I‟m talking about a woman who often has some kind of drama around her - whether real or imagined, and always has to be talking about it. This type of woman is a showgirl ... sometimes known as a "drama queen". She is often the center of attention where ever she is. She wants everyone (especially you) to notice her. She wants you to hear her story. She will make a scene if she is mad, and will be completely unapologetic. She is also always right. Sometimes these women dress in ways that draw excessive attention to themselves - like wearing something a little too low-cut, or tight. These women are often very good-looking, and used to getting their way – but they can be so annoying. SO ANNOYING! What causes this showgirl type of woman to behave this way? Who knows – I‟m not a psychologis t or psychiatrist. All I know is that they are easy to spot. Sometimes they are fun to watch. I actually enjoy a good showgirl – as o l ng as she is not practicing her drama too often. If there is no show whatsoever, then a woman might be considered boring. So there is some happy medium that each man can tolerate – but you will find women of all variations out in the world. In my life, I‟ve dated several showgirls. I wrote earlier about Nurse Debi – the very hot Latina nurse who probably drank more than her fair share. She was so much fun. Debi dressed a little hoochie –
which means she sometimes wore very tight clothes that were a bit overkill considering she was in her mid-forties. But I liked the way she looked. I often wanted to bang her just because she dressed that way. I remember one time we went to lunch, and she was dressed a little hoochie – and after lunch I just couldn‟t resist propping her up on my dining room table, and having sex with her. She was not wearing any underwear so I just lifted up her skirt, and made it happen. That was so right-on – wow. Other than dressing a little hoochie, Debi definitely put on a show from time to time. As I mentioned, she enjoyed drinking maybe a little too much. Sometimes when she drank too much, she would get loud and obnoxious – and if I ever asked her to quiet down, then holy cow would there be hell to pay … come as she yell and and leave venue to after creating a big scene. Many times, shea would towould my house afterfuss work and thenthe proceed drink two full bottles of wine over about
three hour period. At least a dozen times, she would get annoyingly drunk – and I would tell her to please slow down or calm down, and then she would run outside my front door … then from the middle of my quiet street, she would yell at the top of her lungs “GREG IS AN ASSHOLE”, then jump
in her car and burn rubber down the street as she drove away. [The two cops that lived next door to me loved watching this – it seemed to happen around once each week, and they thought it was priceless comedy.] Unfortunately, Debi did not last. On one such drama night when she ran out into the street to yell out my status, instead of my usual attempt to coax her back – I just closed the door, and turned off the light … and that was the end of her. She never came back – which was sad for me, but probably best for both of us. I do miss her a lot though – as I have very fond memories of her and me together. There are certainly many other types and extremes of showgirls already illustrated in this website. Regina the fireball Latina who was always going through my stuff looking for evidence of cheating – she was a showgirl in the sense that she demanded my full attention. So is my buddy, Greg‟s wife, Tiffany – she is a constant showgirl. I suppose “showgirl” is thus often not an exclusive category – it is often coupled with other interesting attributes or qualities which can be good or bad. My advice – as a midlife bachelor, the best thing to do is to watch the show, and decide for
yourself if it is worth it. If nothing else, the show makes for great stories to tell your friends, right?
First let me say that I by no means intend to offend anyone by what I‟m about to say about
religious women.
I am highly in favor of
religion. If today‟s world had more widespread participation and belief in religion, then I‟m sure it
would be a better place than it is now. Religion is good – you can quote me on that, if you wish. And for the record, I am Catholic – Roman Catholic to be specific. I‟m just not really what is called a “practicing Catholic” … perhaps because
I had too much practice growing up? That is another story entirely. I used to consider religious women to be a puzzle. By default, I respected them a lot more than an ordinary non-religious woman. I thought they were perhaps a little bit better than me … and better than the av erage woman, too. The reason I thought this way was that I had never really dated or been with a religious woman – so my predispositions were based on perception and hearsay. In general, I thought that all religious women had extremely high moral values, and were more likely to be understanding and level-headed than typical women. And I‟m sure that some religious women do live up to those lofty expectations that I once had. In my life, independent of women, I have run into two distinct types of religious people – “real” and “somewhat”.
The “real” religious people take religion to an extreme, and believe that if you do not
conform or subscribe to their brand of Christianity, then most assuredly you are going to hell. And that is fine for them to believe this – I, myself, do not think that way. These “real” Christians are not Let me just say that what I‟m calling a “real” Christian woman needs is a “real” Christian man … and if you are not an extreme Chris tian, and you are trying to date a “real” Christian woman, then good luck. You will either need to find Jesus, and commit yourself totally to him – or you won‟t be able to date her. I would think that converting to born-again status just to date a particular woman represents fraud, in a sense – so I would advise against it.
where I am going to focus this section on.
No – in this section, the type of religious woman that I address is what I refer to as “somewhat” Christian. “Somewhat” in the sense that she goes through some or all of the motion s of being a Christian, but does not live out her life in a true puritanical fashion. Thank goodness for these somewhat Christian women … as this way, you get some good guiding influences of Christianity
without the rigors or confines of modern Christian extremism. So what about these somewhat religious women? Who are they, and how do you recognize them? Actually it is pretty easy. They will do things like teach Sunday school, or adult Christian education classes. They will attend church regularly, and be active in their church, and possibly want to take you church with them. They subscribegrandma to certainunderwear). faith-based codes such asare Mormon women whotowear garments (which aremay essentially They –typically more family-oriented than non-religious women … meaning that they like to spend time with their parents and siblings and children and other relatives. They typically don‟t drink heavily or do drugs. All of this is fine – very healthy and wholesome … clean -living is a word that comes to mind. Now everything I‟ve just described is really their lifestyle – notice that I didn‟t say anything about high moral values with respect to these “somewhat” Christian women … and that is because often the high moral values associated with this
type of w oman are more of
a goal than a rea
lity.
These “somewhat” Christian women, as I call them, are basically just like every other woman – they
may just have a slightly harder shell. This means that sometimes (certainly not always) they require more effort in order to get them into bed, and into what a normal midlife bachelor considers a normal relationship. The harder shell I mentioned is really just their own mental goal of having high moral values. Once that shell is broken through, then these women are usually a lot of fun – probably the opposite of what one initially expected. Or at least that is true with me. So what I‟m saying here is – don‟t be intimidated by someone who goes to church a lot, and appears to be active in her
church. Unless she is preaching gospel to you (indicating she is what I referred to as a “real”
Christian), then she is just like every other woman out there … just waiting for you (the midlife
bachelor) to be her next love!
I have dated several “somewhat” C hristian women before. All were divorcees. One was protestant (don‟t remember which denomination), and another was LDS (Mormon). The protestant woman,
Linda, was freshly divorced when I met her. I actually went to high school with Linda, plus I saw her every week at the gym. Linda was a just a little bit chunky – but it was all in the right places, and when I did see her in the gym, I always thought to myself that I‟d like to get a piece of her
action. Anyway, Linda and I hooked up for a date after she revealed to me that she had left her husband months before, and was bored. I knew she was religious because she was always talking about her church, and teaching Sunday school – and how her little boy at the time enjoyed playing with the other children at church, etc. Now I had two competing ideas in my head about Linda. First I thought to myself that she was as fresh a divorcee as there gets – and usually that means fun, fun, fun. My next thought was that she was religious, and might not let me into her pants at all until her divorce was final. Before we really started dating, Linda came over one evening to say “hi”, and to hang out for an hour or so. Her son was really tired, so we let him knap on my bed in the master bedroom while Linda and I watched TV in the living room. Now nothing had ever happened between me and Linda prior to this – but as we were watching TV, I thought to myself about the golden rule of bachelorhood, ALWAYS GO FOR IT, and so I put my arm around her, and started kissing her. I could tell that she was surprised by this, but also really turned on – so within ten minutes or so, I put my hand underneath her skirt and started to rub her from outside her underwear. This woman just about came after five minutes of this – she was so ready for everything … but her son was in the next room, and so we stopped. However, I knew at this point that all of that religion was not going to hold Linda back – and sure enough, on our very next date it all happened just like I thought it would. And as a general comment, Linda turned out to be one of the hornier women I dated – she always wanted to have sex. She had great big wonderful breasts, and a really perfect round ass … the type I loved to get from behind, or from the front for that matter. The LDS (Mormon) woman I dated was another lesson in religion for me. I met this woman at one of the local outdoor mall places – she was around twelve years younger than me, and just seemed really friendly. As I befriended her, I noticed that she kept talking about how fat she had gotten after having had three children (she was also divorced). Well she was chunky, but she was not what I would call fat or obese … and I would tell her this, and I think it endeared her toward me. Kristy would always talk about going to church, and what was going on there – what her kids and parents and Mormon friends were doing, etc. It sounded like all of her life (except for me) was centered around the LDS faith and institution. It seemed strange that she appeared interested in me – and I couldn‟t help wonder if her real interest was in getting me to church and converting me. That turned out NOT to be the case, as I found out the first night that I took her to dinner. The first thing she asked for when we sat down was a big margarita – strange because Mormons are not allowed to drink. Then she had another margarita. During dinner I remember her looking at her watch, and telling me that she had to be home by 11:00 p.m. because her parents we re watching her kids … and since it was already 8:00 p.m., we might want tothis go over to mysomeone house, and watch some TV house between now and caseTV”, you what have tha nott figured out, when wants to go to your or theirs andthen. “watchInsome really means is they want some action! Wooohooo – the young Mormon woman was about to turn on to me! So we went to my house, and I‟ll always remember what happened next. She was always talking about being Mormon, and she knew that I did not know an ything about the LDS faith … so she asked me if I knew what “garments” were. No – I didn‟t. She explained that they are big underwear that all LDS women are required to wear – so as to cover up their womanhood as much as possible. I told her that I had never heard of such a thing, and to please show me. Off came her dress, and there is this 28-year old LDS woman standing there in front of me wearing what looked like a cross between thermal underwear and the type of underwear I would expect a grandmother to wear. Wow – I told her I had never seen anything like that before, and now could she please take all of that underwear off … and she did. And the next thing I noticed was that she was shaved clean – Brazilian style. Holy smoke, was that a turn on – and you can guess what happened next. I only dated this woman for a month, but she turned out to always want to come over and have sex. Definitely NOT what I was initially expecting. You as a midlife bachelor need to decide for yourself if you w ant to date one of these “somewhat” Christian or religious women. I personally don‟t think they are any different than women who are not religious – although they may have some more pent-up sexual demand in them. I suppose what I‟m saying here is that even if you are not religious yourself, don‟t write off this segment of society as un -
datable – because you may be missing out on some good experiences. I‟m very glad I dated those two religious women.
Hitting "jackpot" something similar. theAnd that isbasically exactly means how I you use won this the termlottery, with or respect to a girlfriend. A " jackpot" g irlfrie nd pos sesses al l of the qualit ies you could ever hope for! And every man‟s “jackpot” is going to be
different. For example, a devoutly religious man‟s jackpot is probably a very good -looking virgin that goes to the same church as he does, and whose father is the minister. The term “jackpot” as it applies to women in my
own vocabulary actually came from a period of dating in my mid-twenties. At the time, my friends and I were still in the phase of doing whatever drugs we could get our hands on – even though most of us had transitioned into professional careers. I had started dating this really cute woman named Kim who lived in my apartment complex. Turned out that Kim was a pharmacist – and when I told this to one of my stoner friends, he screamed out the word JACKPOT, and gave me a high five. [We thought wasI‟ve going to be give us great pills to party with – but exactly the opposite turned out to beshe true.] used theable termto“jackpot” ever since. Since the days of my youth, the term “jackpot” has proved to be evolutionary. In my mid-twenties, a
pharmacist was a jackpot. In my later twenties, I considered women who were good looking, and who were great sex partners to be jackpots. In my thirties and beyond, I‟ve always thought that hot Latinas were my jackpot. In my late thirties, I went through a phase where women with DD-size breasts were the jackpot – oh yes! [I have since decided that those DDs are more of a luxury item than a requirement for jackpot status.] I have always considered nice teeth to be a jackpot prerequisite. Just a few years ago, I thought that the blonde bombshell nymphomaniac Becky was my jackpot (but she only proved to be a jackpot for a few months … waste not, want not!). So for me, the definition of jackpot really has evolved over time. Now I never dated a really wealthy woman, but such a woman would automatically be considered a jackpot – probably for most any ordinary guy, right? Oprah would clearly be a jackpot … as would news anchorwoman Katie Couric … or any of the current female movie stars. A woman CEO would also be considered a jackpot – as would a trust fund heir, or a lottery winner. I suppose that I sound shallow and materialistic here, but please – who wouldn‟t want to date a very wealthy woman? I‟m not saying to love someone under false pretenses … I‟m not sugges ting that one feign love in order to lead a life of luxury. Rather – I‟m saying that if you love a woman who happens to be rich, then you have obviously hit the damn jackpot!
While a caterer centers her life around you, and does many things to make you happy – a stalker takes things to a whole new level. You can find yourself dating a stalker, or (more likely) the stalker is a woman who you recently broke up with. If are dating a stalker, it probably won‟t last – or maybe shouldn‟t last too long … because she will fast drive you
nuts. What is a stalker exactly? The formal definition of a stalker is someone who persistently observes a person out of obsession or derangement … and this
is definitely true. My definition of
“stalker” is a little more detailed – I wou ld describe a sta lker as someone who is constantly concerned with wh ere you are, what you are doing, and what
A woman stalker will always want to talk to you … so she will call you often. When you are not around, she may go through your belongings (to search for something – anything such as evidence of cheating). She may follow you without your knowledge, if she is bold you are thinking.
enough. is all whileallyou It could get aseen lot worse youdo getcrazy tired things of her,… and breakAnd up. this Think about theare TV dating showsher! or movies you‟ve whereonce women like follow you when you are out on a date, or watch your home from across the street, or drive-by a bunch of times each day … yikes! All of this stalker behavior is really rooted in low self-esteem, and a desire to be needed or wanted by someone. There are different degrees that a woman can be a stalker – mild cases are fairly common, but more troublesome cases can be extremely menacing, and might indicate a need for intervention on the part of law enforcement, the court system (restraining order), and/or psychiatric care. As a midlife bachelor, you‟ve got to keep a look out for early signs of stalker behavior – so that you can recognize the path the woman is on, and make your own personal decisions accordingly. I cannot say that I‟ve ever dated an extreme stalker – so I don‟t have a true horror story to relate. But I do have some good examples. One woman I dated was from out-of-state – she was a customer
service representative for the company I was working for, and we got together at a conference. She seemed really nice – she had long flowing red hair, and appeared intelligent and fun when I first met her. During the first weekend that I brought her out here, however, she revealed a side of her that was difficult to digest … she kept telling me that I had been with too many other women before her, and that she thought I was “dirty” (say what???). I had sex with her anyway, and it was really awful – no fun. She cried, and I felt bad. So I basically told her at the end of the weekend that I really didn‟t think we were compatible – then I put her on a plane, and I thought I would be all done with her. No way – little did I know that despite all the drama she that she output, she really loved me deeply (huh?) … and she kept calling me and calling me. She would call me 15 or 20 times each day … leaving messages if I didn‟t pick up. It was driv ing me nuts, and having polite but firm talks didn‟t
seem to slow her down any. I eventually had to be mean, and told her to stop fucking calling me! That slowed her down quite a bit … and as I continued to ignore her, she finally “got the message”, and stopped calling. Thank goodness she lived in another state, and not locally – as I know she would have been at my doorstep every single day. Yikes! I‟ve dated a few other women who had stalker tendencies. One woman (that I had only been dating
for several weeks) used to call answered, she would hang up. you), it would always be a FAX. the receptionist of where this
my home often from a FAX machine phone at work. As soon as I And when I did the *69 trick (which calls the number that just called Since I had caller ID, I could see the number of the FAX – so I called new girlfriend worked, and asked the receptionist for their FAX number … and it matched up with the number that was pestering me. That same day I promptly dumped the woman for phone stalking me. If you think that I overreacted, then think to yourself – if the woman was calling my home ten or so times each day before we even slept together, what might she be capable of after a physical relationship starts? I didn‟t want to hang around and find out – no way! A really good stalker story that you already read about concerned m y friend, Gerard – this was under the False Starts section. He wouldn‟t take “no” for an answer … went to her work … called her all the time … peaked in her window at night … forced a confrontation. That was a true horror story for the woman involved, and my friend to this day doesn‟t recognize that he was a major stalker! Things like that (and worse) do happen out there – so you‟ve got to be careful! My best advice to all midlife bachelors (and bachelorettes, for that matter) is to watch out for any odd stalker-like behavior – and when you see it, deal immediately with it very firmly. In other words, make it painfully clear that stalker-behavior is unacceptable. If they persist, then dump the person ASAP. If they continue the behavior, ignore them at all costs … do not engage them any further. If things continue for more than a week or so, then get a restraining order, if possible. If their stalking is not severe enough for a
restraining order, then just totally ignore them – and sooner or later, they will go away. Just don‟t let a stalker interfere with your ability to enjoy your life
Okay, Mr. Midlife Bachelor – you just finished fantasizing about dating a nymphomaniac, and how wonderful and glorious that must be … even if
fleeting. Now you can come crashing back to reality with an image that is all too often total reality … that of a jealous woman. Almost all women are jealous to some extent - some more than others. Some women are so jealous that it overwhelmingly defines their personality, and their behavior toward you. Women can be jealous of other women, or the potential of other women possibly wanting to be with you. Or they can be jealous of EVERYTHING that takes your attention away from them. They can be jealous of your friends, your family, your job, and your hobbies. So jealousy is not just limited to your interactions or potential interactions with other women – it can possibly encompass many things. Here is a great video I found of a PERFECT JEALOUS WOMAN. Check out how ridiculous this is ...
Dealing with jealousy is often painful.
You may be a jealous person yourself and thus unwittingly
– so foster, or amplify women the situation. Jealously is always rooted feelings of insecurity that in magnify, mind. Sometimes are jealous because of things thatinhave happened to them in keep their past, or (more likely) in the recent past … such as having had their last boyfriend cheat on them. The fact is - the more secure you can make a woman feel, the more likely you are to potentially minimize
her jealous feelings and actions. I say “potentially” because I have seen s ome crazy women who were so jealous that it didn‟t matter what a guy did – they were always crazy-jealous. And wow – are those the tough ones to deal with. Sometimes you have to make the call that it is not worth continuing. Okay – now for some examples. The first comes from my own past, a woman named Regina who I loved dearly, who I had the best and most glorious sex with, and who lived with me. [I also wrote about Regina and some of her episodes in the crazy woman section entitled, “Crazy Woman Exa mple – She is Always Upset with You ”, and also “Crazy Woman Example – She Hates Your Friends”.] Regina was kind of a fireball Latina who I met at work during a sales conference. She
worked in customer service, and I was one of the Southern California sales staff. To be honest, in the five years or so prior to dating Regina, I had made my roun ds through her department … and had earned the reputation of being a guerrilla dater (hit and run). When I met Regina, and we spent some time together – I thought that she was the perfect woman for me in every way … she was beautiful, seemed to have a great attitude, wanted children, and had just come out of a bad marriage where her husband had cheated on her. Things were great – for a while … and then over time, as always, a person‟s true inner persona gradually appears.
Regina believed that I was cheating on her left and right. The reality is that I never did cheat on her at all. Yes – I spoke to other women (oh nooooo – not that), but there was really no basis for her to think I was out scamming on other women. I was even engaged to Regina, and that did not calm her down. Now I did tend to perhaps drink a little more than I should have during that time period – and Regina was certainly no fan of me coming home drunk … but being drunk and cheating are two entirely different things. The reality of that time period was that Regina was always on me … she
was constantly me –where had been,might who not I had metentirely up with, wheretoI someone was going, what time would I be back.asking Granted theseI questions seem strange reading this right now … but at the time, I was constantly being hammered with this stuff. Even if I was going to work, I got the third degree – and it got old in a hurry. Now things got really political if Regina saw me actually talking to another woman – holy cow! I remember one time in particular, I was trying to be extra nice to one of my friend‟s wife (in front of my friend, of course), and Regina thought that I was paying way too much attention to her … and she made such a fuss that it was embarrassing. It was
almost child-like. After Regina moved in with me, I thought that things would calm down. Surely she would see that I am not out cheating on her. In fact, I‟m normally kind of a home -body type … I like hanging around my home, watching TV, doing yard work, washing my cars, doing home improvement projects, etc. I have to admit that before Regina moved in with me – knowing that she was extremely jealous, I went through my entire home, garage, storage, everything … and got rid of absolutely ANYTHING fr om any previous girlfriends or women. I did this JUST IN CASE Regina might stumble upon something, and have a fit. Well guess what – while I was at work each day, sure enough Regina was going through literally EVERYTHING … looking for even the slightes t evidence of me cheating. Well you know what is coming, right? Yes – she found something. Not a love letter, not a photo nor a gift or anything like that. No – she looked in the one place that it honestly never occurred to me to sanitize … my email! Now today, one would think that email is so common that this would be the first
place to clean out. This however was back in 1998, and although email was used, to me it was not a mainstay in terms of communication (like it is today). What I‟m saying here is that there wasn‟t much if anything for me to clean out in my email. But if someone is looking, really looking, for something – they ARE going to find it … and what she found was one email thread between me and a Persian
girlfriend that I had parted ways with prior to meeting Regina. I read the email after Regina pointed it out to me, and it was fairly incriminating … but it all was before I met Regina. So my response at the time was, “Look – I‟m sorry you read this … but it was before I knew you, and you really had no business whatsoever going through my private email.”
All of this pissed off enormously realized howme hard haveprobably been looking to find thatactually one email outme of many hundreds because … plus itI also tipped off she thatmust she had gone through everything else in my house, too. As all of this registered in my head, I got angry – I remember adding to my previous statement something to the effect of,
“SOMEONE
time
and
has
energy
a
little
looking
too
for
much
a
time
fucking
on
job
their
as
hands. If
you
have
you going
spent as much through my stuff,
then you‟d be employed right now and we wouldn‟t be having this conversation.”
Well you know what is coming next. She moved out – and my heart was broken. I felt both responsible for it happening, and also not responsible. I mean – I blew my top when I found out she was going through all of my stuff and my email … but I also knew that she definitely had a real
problem with jealousy for her to go to those extreme lengths. I loved her so much though. I never really got over her. Another great example of jealousy has to do with my good buddy, Greg, and his wife, Tiffany. Tiffany has appeared throughout this site in various examples. She is the very attractive blonde who is extremely insecure about her looks … and who is so jealous of anything or anyone that takes the attention of my buddy, Greg, away from her – that she forces that person or thing out of my friend‟s
life by making it such a major issue.
I have previously described Tiffany as a crazy woman who
hates Greg‟s friends, and also as a woman who is never happy. She actually shares these traits with my former love, Regina – but Tiffany takes it way past anything or anyone else I‟ve ever seen. Greg
and I were the best of friends before he met Tiffany. We were such good friends that we used to refer to ourselves as “The Gregs”. Each of the Gregs could always tell what the other would say in a given situation – we thought about stuff exactly the same. The Gregs were a couple of happy friends who hung around a lot, and had a lot of fun playing pool, barbequing, going jet skiing, going to dinner, etc. We were best buddies. And then Tiffany showed up, and started dating my buddy, Greg. After a year or so (when people typically start letting their true colors show), Tiffany began getting more and more critical of me. She didn‟t really enjoy my sense of humor, and used it against me by telling Greg that fine. she didn‟t like my or my and want me around that was Actually, as jokes it turned outsarcasm – I was … just thethat firstshe to didn‟t go. Greg‟s father wasthem. next –And as Tiffany decided that Greg enjoyed being around his Dad just a little too much, so she got Greg to think that his father took advantage of him financially, and that his father drank too much, etc. So Greg‟s father was banned – at least for a while. To make a long story short, it became very obvious over a six-month period or so that anything that took Greg‟s attention away from Tiffany was going to cause a problem. Getting Greg to recognize this was somewhat of a chore. He married Tiffany, and because he is a Christian believed that nothing should interfere with a man‟s relationship with his wife. For a time, Greg even told me that he and I could not be friends – and man did that ever piss me off. Over time, Greg realized that what he really had on his hands was a crazy wife – and that he
needed his friends and his family in his life to help him cope with her craziness. There is no happy end to this particular story – Greg is still married to Tiffany, and she continues to make his life difficult. Just about all of us have had a crazy jealous girlfriend of some sort in our past. The extreme examples of Regina and Tiffany are good lessons – just in case you have not had a REALLY jealous girlfriend before. They are out there – and they are evil, even though they don‟t realize it. These two women are really good-looking – so the insecurity behind their jealousy is unrelated to anything physical, rather it is all mental on their part. When faced with a jealous girlfriend, you the midlife bachelor have got to make a conscious decision as to whether the woman is worth the mental pain and anguish she is causing you. If the sex is great, then that may mask your ability to think clearly … but sooner or later you will see the light, and know whether you did the right thing by staying with the woman. Don‟t try to cure jealousy – that is what mental health professionals (and years of therapy) are for. As a midlife bachelor, you don‟t have that kind of time on your hands – you‟ve got other places to go, other women to meet!
You probably know this – but just about ALL women really want to be “the boss”. Some want to be the boss in bed, others want to be the boss with the children, or maybe just in certain situations - others want to be the boss at all times! The challenge that we men face is to let them THINK they are the boss, when in fact we know that we men are really the boss, right? Isn‟t that the key to a successful relationship? I‟ll come back to that question. For now - what does “the boss” really mean here in the context that I‟m using it? It refe rs to a wo man wh o needs to think
that she is the one in control of the relationship.
The modern woman comes in all types of personality configurations, and levels of bossiness. First recognize that there is a huge difference between a woman who THINKS she is the boss versus a woman who IS actually the boss. How do you know the difference? If you find yourself following her instructions at all appearing times, thentoshe is the boss. If instead accomplish your own goals objectives while comply with her wishes you – then your woman onlypersonal thinks she is and the boss. I suppose some of us men need a woman to order us around, and give us purpose – NOT. Yuck – that last sentence left a bad taste in my mouth. I guess what I‟m trying to say is – never let a woman be your boss … as it is pathetic and demeaning and counter -cultural. If women were supposed to be the boss, then we would be taking on their last name when we marry them. If women were supposed to be the boss, then we would have had female Presidents of the United States by now. I could go on – but you get the idea. Women should not be your boss in a relationship – it is just too much power to give them. Now – everything I have been saying refers to women as the boss of the relationship – which is bad. However, occasionally putting women in charge of certain things can be entertaining … such as making them the occasional boss in bed. Now I have to admit that I have not had too many bossy women in my life (probably because I am pretty bossy myself) – but there have been several. I once briefly dated a Persian woman named Mehrnaz who was so intensely beautiful and charming. I used to like to make her the boss for our sexual activities – mostly because she was so horny, and always insisted on having sex. Her being the boss of our sexuality worked out well – many times, all I had to do was pick her up … and within an hour or so, she was unzipping my pants in the car, and would
insist that I park somewhere and make love to her.
We did this literally all the time.
It was
crazy. And if I were the boss, I probably never would have even thought of doing that. Actually, I think I‟ve only done that a handful of times with other women since.
Okay – so the beautiful Persian woman as the boss of our sexual activities worked out well … because she was the boss of one specific part of the relationship. I mentioned that I have not really dated any women who had a bossy personality type – mostly because I, myself, am considered bossy. Actually, I have had a fair number of women tell me that I am “domineering, controlling, and manipulative”. Some have used those exact words, while others expressed these same ideas less concisely – but that pretty much says it. I am the boss! I once TRIED to date a bossy woman – a very hot Mexican girl who was a college student at the local university. I met Karen because she worked at the local dry cleaners, and she told one of the other girls who worked there that she wanted to go out with me … the o ther girl told me that Karen liked me, and so I asked Karen to dinner. Wow – was Karen a handful. At the end of our dinner, she told me that she wanted to go back to my condo and watch TV. [Remember – if a woman says she wants to go to your house and watch TV, then something good is about to happen to you.] So I took Karen back to my condo, and she asked me to show her around. We hadn‟t been at my condo for more than five minutes, when she just grabbed me and started making out with me. It was crazy – she was all over me … but she would not remove her top or pants. Not yet anyway. She actually left fairly suddenly, and the whole episode was over as quickly as it began. Now a few more days passed, and I think I was just finishing up some yard work, when the phone rang – and it was Karen … who told me that she was coming over. Now since I like to be presentable, and clearly would not be for at least an hour – I told her to instead come over after an hour. Her response was that she would find something else to do – and would catch up with me later. Huh? That was really strange. In the interest of keeping this story short, I‟ll say that I discovered over the next week or so that anytime I had an idea that was different than Karen‟s – that it would piss her off. If she was not in control of everything, then nothing happened. Guess what wound up happening between me and Karen? You guessed it – nothing. In hindsight, I‟m thinking now that maybe I should have played her game long enough to get into those luscious panties of hers … and just cut her loose after a month or so. But no.
We have learned here how having a woman as THE BOSS can work either for or against you. Keep what I‟ve explained here in mind the next time you think a wom an is getting a little bossy with you. You have to decide for yourself if it is worth it, if you can control it, or if you need to direct that bossiness into a particular component of the relationship. Bottom line – if a bossy woman makes you feel subjugated, then it is probably time to move on.
