How to Persuade

How to persuade anyone to do anything (well, almost)

Copyright: Lee Warren 2012

This work is licensed licensed under the Creative Creative Commons Commons Attribution-NonComm Attribution-NonCommercial-N ercial-NoDerivs oDerivs 3.0 Unported Unported License. To To view a copy of this license, visit http://creativ http://creativecommons.org/li ecommons.org/licenses/by-nc censes/by-nc-nd/3.0/ -nd/3.0/ or or send a letter to Creative Commons, Commons, 444 Castro Street, Suite 900, Mountain View, California, 94041, USA. Basically, Basically, you’re free to send this book to anyone, but please don’t change it, charge money for it or forget who the author is!

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Contents

Introduction

3

Ham Pie

6

Trust Trust

8

Rapport

10

Body Language

12

Goals

15

The Psychology Psychology of Persuasion

17

Specific Tactics of Persuasion

18

Asking for a Decision Decision

22

Gaining Co-operation

24

Final Thoughts

26

About Invisible Advantage Advantage

27

Bibliography

28

[email protected] 45 Moreton Street SW1V 2NY 020 7630 5555 www.invisible-advantage.com

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Introduction

“Persuasion is a catalyst for getting work done, for achieving an outcome you can't realize on your own. MBA courses, leadership books, and executive executive education education classes recognize recognize the importance of of persuasion, but they rarely rarely teach it as as a practical art and, ifif they do, the focus is usually usually on formal presentations presentations and PowerPoint.” PowerPoint.” William Ellett.

The ability to persuade persuade has never been been more important. important. In an increasingly increasingly fast and digital digital age, we need to make an impression quickly and, sometimes, forcefully. In business, being persuasive is crucial if you want to carve out a good careercareer- it’s it’s essential when dealing with colleagues, stakeholders and clients. Think for a moment moment of what the world would would be like if nobody nobody was doing any persuading. persuading. It’s It’s not an exaggeration to say that almost nothing would happen. Very Very little would be bought or sold, children wouldn’t go to school and no-one would go on dates! Persuading is one of the most important things we do as human beings. We’re doing it all the time, sometimes well and sometimes poorly. This ebook is designed to help you become more effective as a persuader. Everyone can become more persuasive. If you’re already good, you can become excellent. If your skills are poor, you can learn to improve. There are four main things to learn on the path to becoming an outstanding persuader: The Art of Listening (including visual visual observation), The Use of the Body Body (including physical physical voice use, such such as tone and pace) The Art of Language Language (the skillful use of clear, clear, compelling words words to get a result) result) The Art of Speedy Psychology Psychology (The ability ability to look at at situations from from other people’s people’s point of view, view, to ‘get inside their heads’ and influence them consciously)


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This book covers all all four of these areas, areas, but focuses mainly mainly on the skills of of language. There There is a vast and growing amount of literature on persuasion from Aristotle 2,300 years ago, through to recent exciting academic experiments. However, However, a huge amount of writing about persuasion is nonsense. Many books on persuasion are not much more than a collection collection of rather childish tricks that are unusable in daily life. Equally, some of the academic studies, fascinating though they may be, are often useless in terms of learning real-world skills. This book is a summary summary of my own work with persuasion. persuasion. For twenty years, years, I’ve made a living as a magician and psychological mind-reader. In order to pay my mortgage (and eat!), I’ve had to engage and persuade audiences and clients on a daily basis. I’ve long had a passionate interest in how persuasion works, and how to be better at it. I’ve read as widely as possible in the field and studied everyone who could help me learn, from sales people, politicians and con-men (not always completely distinct!) through to advertising gurus, performers and the weird worlds of psychics and tarot card readers. I’ve set myself two tasks in the study of persuasion. One is to try and boil down all of the different tactics that I’ve seen into a few general rules, applicable to a wide variety of situations. The second is to only take what is genuinely useable in real-world situations. It’s very easy in learning about any kind of psychology to become distracted by all the bizarre things that the human mind can do, but my guiding question, when looking at all the techniques and stratagems has been:

‘Can I, and will I, use it?’.

If the answer is yes, it’s probably in this book.


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Some caveats!

My mother once said ‘If we all liked the same thing, supermarkets would be much smaller.’. smaller.’. This book is full of ideas, techniques and suggestions. Some of them you’ll be using already. Some of them will be new to you, and some of them will seem strange at first. Try them all, several times, in different circumstances. circumstances. You’ll You’ll only know what works after you’ve tried it. Learning any new skill is a process, rather than a one-off event, so take your time but commit yourself to practising regularly. Also, I live by the rule rule ‘practise what you you preach’. The techniques techniques I’m asking you you to learn are woven woven throughout the text. The previous paragraph uses one of them - when you’ve finished this e-book, reread it and see if you can spot it. Lastly, Lastly, this is an ‘e-book guide’, not a full book so you’ll find lots of techniques here, but not much discussion of the theory behind them. If you’re intrigued by the ideas and want to find out more, there’s a small bibliography at the end of the book, and you can always email me to find out more. Good luck with these idea - and do let me know how you get on - [email protected]


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HAM PIE If you only have time to read one section of this e-book, then this is the one to read! The acronym ‘Ham Pie’ sums up almost everything that you need to know about persuasion. ‘Ham’ stands for: Hearts and Minds Hearts - All decisions are made emotionally and then justified rationally. We often don’t like to think of

ourselves operating in that way, but it’s true! If you want to persuade someone to do something, or buy something, or agree with something, then you have to connect with them emotionally. Get into their world and find out what makes them tick. And... Minds: - However, once you’ve won them emotionally, it’s also a good idea to provide reasons why

doing what you want would be a good thing. Our brains love patterns, and once we’ve decided emotionally emotionally that we want to do or buy something, we’ll grab at almost any proffered proffered reason to justify it. Remember, that’ t hat’ss always the order - Hearts and Minds. ‘Pie’ stands for: Pictures, Interest, Interest, Emotion. Pictures: We tell ourselves stories about our life using pictures, stories and metaphors, and you’ll be

more persuasive if you learn to use that fact. Here’s an obvious example - “That coffee’s at 97 degrees” is not as persuasive as “That coffee’s coffee’s steaming, you’ll burn your tongue and the roof of your mouth.” If you’re trying to shift someone’s thinking - describe things to them in pictures. Use images and metaphors to tell a new ‘story’ to the person you’re trying trying to convince. For example, describe the bad consequences of something you want them not to to do, and make an image-filled story about what will happen if they do what you want them to do.

Here’s a simple example from the world of sales, imagine a salesperson talking to a potential client:


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“So, you can’t stay with the IT set-up you have, because your systems are slow, slow, clunky and expensive, employees are becoming disgruntled and your competition are soaring away from you with ease? Ok, there’s a simple way we could begin, which would be to introduce a new, straightforward system that would need minimal training to implement, meaning that staff will be happier and more productive. Once we’ve got that underway, we can look at where we need to extend the project in order to catch up with your competitors over the next six months. This isn’t the most most elegant example, example, but you get the point, point, I hope. By creating creating some easy easy images in their prospect’s mind, our imaginary salesperson has emphasised the problem, and made his solution sound great. The potential buyer starts to want this ‘easy to implement solution’. NOW they can start talking about the facts and figures - Hearts and Minds!

Interest: This point should be obvious, but we overlook it far too often. If you’re going to persuade a

person, or group of people, your proposition, idea, service or product has to interest them. The theme that runs throughout this e-book is that you have to see things from other people’s points of view if you’re going to be persuasive. Challenge yourself in presentations, sales pitches and meetings - how will what I’m about to say the other person or people? Is this message targeted at them and their world ? interest the Emotion: This is just a reminder that you’re not using stories, images and interest for their own sake -

you’re using them to engage the emotions of the person you’re talking to. If they feel that they will be better off emotionally by doing what you want, they will make a great effort effort to follow you.

Ham Pie is the ‘bottom line’ version of ‘How to Persuade Anybody to Do Anything’, but there are lots of other techniques and ways of thinking that will help you...


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Trust Think of the three three people in your your life who you trust most. most. Create a picture picture of them in your your mind’s mind’s eye. Then think of how persuasive persuasive they are are to you. Chances are, are, they’ll be extremely extremely persuasive. persuasive. They’d be able to phone you in the middle of the night and ask you to help them, and you’d jump to it. If they even said to you ‘I’m going to ask you to do something, but I can’t tell you why, will you just do it please?’, there’s a high probability that you’d at least consider complying with their wish. We tend to think of persuasion as something mysterious and, perhaps, slightly sinister. As if it’s about forcing people to do things they’d rather not do - that’s not persuasion, that’s coercion. The best definition of persuasion I know is “To “To win someone over by various means”. If you set out with the aim of ‘winning someone over’ then you’re both likely to feel good when you persuade the person and, in the long term, you both trust each other more. easily, but Here’s a golden rule for persuasion - “If someone trusts you, you can persuade them easily, if they don’t trust you, you can never be truly persuasive.”

How do I gain trust? Long-term trust is outside the scope of this book (but basically it’s it’s just a matter of keeping your word, being kind and not gossiping too much), but you can gain short-term trust using these ideas: 1. Be an expert and/or use your authority (see page 18) 2. Mention weaknesses in your argument or position. This sounds like the wrong thing to do, but it pays off. We naturally trust and respect people who see both sides of an argument, and we really trust people who don’t fear the weaknesses of their own position. The best time to mention a weakness is just before your strongest point. Think of selling a house, which is more persuasive? A. “It’s “It’s true that the price is is at the top of the market, market, and the roof roof needs repairing, repairing, but look at this amazing garden, and it’s only two minutes’ walk from the tube. B. “It’s “It’s only two minutes walk from the tube, and it’s got an amazing garden, garden, but the price is at the top of the market and the roof needs repairing”.


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Can you hear that, for most people, sentence A would be more persuasive? It’s partly because we tend to believe the most recent things we’ve heard, and partly because we love to find reasons for things, so in the first sentence, we’re given the bad news, but then a reason why that might be so, and our brain thinks “Aha! The price is high, but that’s that’s because it has a great garden.” By the way, that’s why this book (and my talk) has the words ‘Well, almost’ attached to the end. If the book was called just ‘How to persuade anyone to do anything’. The claim would be too s trong to be believable. By adding ‘well, almost’. It lightens the tone, and sounds more realistic and credible. 3. Know who you’re speaking to. This is so important. If you know who you’re speaking to, then your can tailor your message to them. If we feel that someone really ‘gets’ us, then we tend to trust them more. Equally, if you’re in sales, you must do do your homework and understand the business challenges that your clients and potential clients clients face. If you do, and they see that you do, they’ll trust you more. When I work with salespeople, I always urge them to become ‘trusted advisors’ by getting to know their client’s business. 4. Make your messages simple, clear and easy to remember. It’s a fascinating fact that we tend to trust simple, clear, memorable messages more than complicated, unmemorable ones, regardless of the content. “ A stitch in time saves nine” is a much simpler, more memorable and feels a more trustworthy message than “ Plan for problems, and solve them as soon as possible, otherwise you may find that you create other, other, greater problems looking to the future”, even though the information is

identical. If you attempt to persuade using lots of complex information, you are likely to fail, as the other person will tune you out. 5. Build rapport. This is so important that the next section is devoted to it!


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Rapport

This section is particularly particularly important important when you have to be persuasive in one-to-one one-to-one or small group group situations, and particularly when you don’t know the other person, or people well. We’ve all had experiences where we just ‘click’ with someone. We have a meeting, and within minutes we feel relaxed and able to open up. There’s usually laughter, some shared vulnerabilities and a sense that we have similar values. Have you noticed that, with people like this, you also feel quite a lot of trust? If you’re in a business context, you like the idea of working with them. In a personal context, you feel like you’d like to spend more time with this person and get to know them better. This is the feeling feeling when you’re in rapport rapport with someone. someone. When it happens naturally naturally,, it’s it’s great, but when it’s absent it can be really tough getting someone to trust you.

“The opposite of talking isn’t listening, it’s it’s waiting” -Oscar Wilde W ilde

Rapport is often thought of as a mysterious, difficult thing, but actually almost all of us are good at it, we’ve just become a little out of practice! Here are three simple ways to build rapport with someone you’ve just met: 1. Smile. I know it it sounds ridiculously simple, but you wouldn’t believe how many people forget to do it. You don’t need lots of theory - we like people who smile. When was the last time you went to a networking event hoping to meet someone who frowns a lot? 2. Listen to what people say. It’s astonishing how many people mistake ‘being interesting’ for ‘talking about myself’. Often, when we first meet people, we fail to pay attention to them, we’re too busy thinking about, and talking about, ourselves. Think about these important points: People who listen well, and carefully, are often more persuasive on both an emotional and intellectual level Listening is the key to understanding and learning what someone else is really thinking and feeling By listening, you create a listener - if you talk, you just get talk back. Often when you’re talking, you’re just giving someone a chance to stop listening to you, and think of reasons why you must be wrong and/or boring. [email protected] 45 Moreton Street SW1V 2NY 020 7630 5555 www.invisible-advantage.com

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The more you listen, listen, the more information you get. When we first meet people, people, we’re really really assessing them, trying to find something in common. Most of our ‘So, what do you do?’ type of questions are really attempts to ask “What kind of person are you?” “Do I have anything in common with you?” 3. Ask questions - but not boring ones! If you want to build rapport r apport with someone, ask interesting questions. “What makes an interesting question?” I hear you think. Well, most people like to talk about themselves, and everyone likes to talk about one of these four subjects - money , love, health and leisure (sport, travel, hobbies, music) Everybody you ever meet will find at least one of

those subjects interesting to talk about. So combine those themes with questions like: “What do you think about..?”

“What would you do about...”

“Where do you think current trends are heading in..?”

“How do you see...”

“What advice would you give..?”

You’ll You’ll notice that that all of those questions questions are about the other person - it’s it’s very tempting when selling, selling, networking, presenting, negotiating negotiating etc, to talk about yourself and your interests, but it’s probably only you and your mother who really care about that - ask people questions about subjects that are interesting to them and ask them to talk about things from their point of view.

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood” - St Francis of Assisi

Remember that understanding someone someone is not the same as agreeing with them, but if you feel that you’ve been listened to and, more importantly, understood by by someone else, then you will trust that person more.


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Body Language

“I speak two languages - body and English” -Mae West

Have you ever had that feeling that you just really liked someone as soon as you met them? Or the feeling that, somehow, you just know that someone is lying to you? All animals communicate, communicate, and and long before language language existed, existed, human beings communicated. communicated. Almost Almost all of our important messages can be transmitted, to some extent, by the body. This is more important than a traditional, simplistic understanding of ‘body language’. Our senses are continuously primed to assess the movements, vocal tone and facial gestures of people near us. We make extremely quick, and hard to shift, judgements about people and their messages based on these physical clues. There are three main reasons reasons why understanding understanding the use of the body body in persuasion is so important: important: The messages transmitted transmitted by your own body are are never neutral. neutral. They will always either reinforce what you’re communicating, or will detract from it. At best, your body language will mean that your communication communication is consistent, persuasive and natural. At worst, it can mean that your messages seem unclear, untrustworthy, or that you don’t believe them yourself. Tuning Tuning in to what is happening happening in your own body body when you’re in a dialogue with someone helps you you to understand the source of your own reactions. By understanding what your own body is telling you, you can find out if you are starting to react emotionally, if you’ve stopped listening, if you are literally moving away from a source of conflict, rather than dealing with it. Operating with this level of awareness helps you to take a mental step back from a situation, which is to everyone’s benefit! Understanding your own body language enables you to read other people and their reactions more easily. There are many subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) clues to what people are actually [email protected] 45 Moreton Street SW1V 2NY 020 7630 5555 www.invisible-advantage.com

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thinking and feeling transmitted through their body. Being able to observe puts you in a better position to communicate well, well, It helps you to know when to change course in a conversation, to try a different way of communicating with someone. You can’t deal with a problem until you can recognise it!

“The body says what words cannot” - Martha Graham

Practice The best way to begin begin to practice is is to people-watch people-watch and remember remember that watching yourself yourself is also people-watching! Try Try to watch in these three situations: situations: When you can’t hear what people are saying, but you can see them clearly. Try to guess what the conversation is about - what are they communicating? Is it relaxed or urgent? Are the people comfortable with each other or not? Are they on the same wavelength in terms of their physical communication? When you can hear what people are saying, but you’re not at the heart of the conversation. Ask the same questions as in the example above, but this time include vocal tone, pace and breathing in your observations. Lastly, a situation where you’re heavily involved in the conversation - this means that you can start observing yourself.

I’m not a fan of books that tell you things like: “When someone folds their arms, it means they disagree”. We’re far too sophisticated at communicating for that, and no-one will be able to teach you more than you can intelligently observe for yourself. Body language is best learnt in a specific training situation, with several people, so that you can practise, but the next page has some basic things to look out for, obviously not everyone is either/or, these are just ideas to stimulate your thinking:


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Posture, Poise and Balance

Is someone’s poise easy and relaxed, or are they tense? Are they leaning towards the person they’re talking to or away?

Eye Contact

Direct and comfortable, or evasive? Looking straight ahead or down or up?

Gestures

Deliberate, Deliberate, expansive and purposeful, or jerky and held close to the body?

Speech

Slow and clear, with full vocal tone or frequent changes of pitch and speed?


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Setting Goals

“If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else”. ~Lawrence J. Peter

Goals are extremely important in persuasion. The more important the communication is, the clearer and better-prepared your goals need to be. Goals will help you communicate more clearly and effectively, providing a step-by-step process for moving a conversation, presentation or pitch from the beginning point to its end. A clear goal will make it much easier for you to assess the success of a communication, both in the short, and longterm. Remember this sentence: The meaning of a communication is the result that it gets

This sentence will will help you to create create workable goals for communicating communicating well. well. Clear goals are SMART: Specific (“Could you please prepare the report with at least four recommendations by Friday, so that I

may read it over the weekend?”) Measurable (Always ask yourself “What would a successful result look like?” Share the measurable

outcome with the person you’re asking.) A greed-upon greed-upon (Will they do it? Have you asked them to commit to it? Do they know that you’re relying

on them? Can you let them know that other people know they’ve agreed to it.) team’s power to do the thing you’re asking, with the time you’re Realistic (Is it within the person or team’s suggesting? If you’re unsure, ask them) Time-based (“Will you be able to do this by 2pm on Wednesday?” Ideally, you want to suggest

enough time to carry out the activity, but not so much that it gets ‘lost’. If you are being asked to do something, then ask about time ‘When do you expect me to do this”)


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Proximate and ultimate goals

Distinguish between proximate goals and ultimate goals. For example, a proximate goal might be “I want this person to understand that I’m too busy to do their work too at the moment”, but an ultimate goal would be “I want to maintain a working relationship relationship with this person, while being firm about not taking on their work.” A hallmark of good good ultimate goals is that they usually benefit everyone involved in a situation, and are long-term, whereas proximate goals tend to benefit only you, and are short-term in nature. Becoming a person who uses clear, effective, ultimate goals, based on listening and understanding fully means that you become known as someone who is good at solving problems. You You trust yourself more in communicating, communicating, and you become more trustworthy in turn. Think about it - if you worked with someone who always listened to you carefully, who understood the nature of your problems and then gave you clear, precise ideas to move a project forward - wouldn’t you think they were great?


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The Psychology of Persuasion

Basics As George W Bush might might have said ‘Don’t ‘Don’t misunderestimate misunderestimate listening’. listening’. It is much easier to influence someone if they feel that they have been genuinely heard and understood. If your idea is a good one, then it’s to everyone’s benefit that you are able to influence them to see the idea from your point of However, listening to someone someo ne fully may show you that there’s there’s merit in their ideas i deas which you view. However, hadn’t previously recognised!

Almost paradoxically paradoxically,, the more you learn learn about influence, the more ethical ethical your behaviour becomes. becomes. Because you’re genuinely listening to people and tuning into their responses and your own, you’re raising your behaviour to a conscious level, and this helps you to make more informed choices. It also means that you become more aware of how people are influencing you. Don’t forget that listening involves observing body language - that of the person you’re communicating communicating with, and your own!

Self-Image. All of us have a self-image, and we act in accordance with this. Most of us are woefully

inaccurate. In survey after survey asking people about positive character traits, such as sense of humour, or honesty, 80% of people consider themselves ‘better than average’! Basic Self-Image. Almost everyone considers themselves themselves honest, trustworthy and reliable. reliable. Most

people view themselves as competent and loyal. If you want to encourage someone to do something, then ask people people to commit to that thing in a way that enhances their self-image. Create a situation where, to not do that thing would create ‘cognitive ‘cognitive dissonance’ for them - the unsatisfying feeling that the way they are behaving is different to the way they are. (See also ‘Engage Commitment’ Commitment’ below). the more public the commitment, the more likely they are to do it - can you get their commitment affirmed in front of others, or make it a team project? Re-affirm their commitment in line with their self-image: “Thanks for helping me do this, it’s amazing how many people make promises to help and then forget, not realising how much extra work it creates for me...”


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Specific Tactics of Influence.

Become the other person. Imagine your suggestion/position/argument from the other person’s

point of view. Ask yourself ‘What’s ‘What’s in this for me?’. This will show you the strengths and weaknesses of your point of view quickly. quickly. For very important discussions and meetings, you can even ask a colleague to role-play the situation with you and give you feedback. Be an expert. If you have a reputation, or develop a reputation reputation as an expert, your opinion will be

given more weight, not just in your own sphere of influence, but others. That is why celebrities are always drafted in to promote products. If you’re likeable and attractive, then so much the better! Safety in numbers. We are social, herd animals by instinct and will always prefer to follow the

crowd, unless there’s a good reason not to. Find ways to use the ‘herd instinct’ in your communications. communications. “Everyone seems to think this is a good idea, but I thought I’d ask you as well...” “All of our competitors are using Google, I think we should look at it...” It’s a powerful means of influencing someone’s thinking. People are also strongly influenced if they think that other people just like them are doing something - “Well, the last five procurement directors I’ve worked with

said...” Unique and Rare. Most of us want what we cannot have, and the rarer it is, the more we want it.

This principle is seen seen everywhere in in marketing -from -from ‘limited editions’ editions’ to ‘Sale must end end Tuesday’. Tuesday’. Find a way to use this principle - Things become more attractive as they become less available. Think particularly of time. The clearer you are about not taking taking on commitments and not

always being available, the more people crave your time and energy. Think also of ‘rationing’. “I’ve fought hard to get this project, and we only have one chance to get it right otherwise it goes back to Team Team B. Now, Now, I need your thoughts...” thoughts...” Note:

“Safety in numbers” and “Unique and rare” may appear to contradict each other, but in fact it seems there are two ways we determine value - if everyone wants something, it must be valuable, and if something is rare is must be valuable. valuable. So, the two principles work together together - if everyone wants something, it’s likely to be rare and valuable. Engage commitment. If the other person has agreed that they should do what you want them to,

then don’t stop there - engage their commitment fully . Ask them to describe the process out [email protected] 45 Moreton Street SW1V 2NY 020 7630 5555 www.invisible-advantage.com

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loud. Let them know you’re relying on them. If possible, let other people know that they’ve agreed to commit, and let the first person know that that other people know! It’s for this reason that many diet gurus insist on people telling their friends “I’m on a diet”. Repeating a commitment commitment out loud, and repeating the commitment to people we know is a powerful means of changing behaviour. Where appropriate, you can ask “What would prevent you doing this?” Describing their problems means that they will already be visualising doing the task in their mind’s eye - a good first step!

Limit Choice. With all types of people, it is best to limit the number of choices and the amount of

information you present, as far as is practically possible. There is a large amount of research in psychology demonstrating that people like choice, but only up to a point. Presenting people with more than five to seven options seems to create confusion and indecisiveness. The more choices you give someone, the more chances there are that they’ll make a wrong decision and their brain will protect them by saying ‘I can’t cope, let me think about it!’. The ideal number of options seems to be three, and the classic format is: Very expensive/difficult/risky expensive/difficult/risky,, but high reward reward • Very • Reasonably expensive/difficult/risky, but reasonable reward • Cheap/fairly easy/low-risk, but low reward. Scanning any any restaurant wine list will will provide you with some some real-world real-world evidence for this! Shock and Awe. When you have an important message, sometimes presenting it in an unusual

way can help open people’s minds to what you’re saying. For example, sales pitches with a confusing or peculiar phrase can work. A famous piece of American research research demonstrated that when customers were told that a cake was $3, about 40% bought one. When they were told that a cake was ‘300 pennies, which is a bargain’, 80% bought one. Humour is a good way of interrupting habitual thought patterns. Anchor the discussion. discussion. Create an opening ‘anchor’ around which the discussion can revolve. For

example, if you were asking someone to work for three hours more to help you on a project: “Alone, “Alone, it’s going to take me somewhere between 7 and 10 hours to get this done. Can we talk about how much time you can spare?” You’ve anchored the discussion in such a way that offering you just 25 minutes would seem ridiculous. Estate agents use this technique a lot. Create Images. Our brains seem wired to respond well to images. By using visually-based

language and metaphors, you’ll encourage people to engage with you, emotionally emotionally as well as intellectually. Use language that makes things real and tangible, for example, in the ‘goal-setting’ [email protected] 45 Moreton Street SW1V 2NY 020 7630 5555 www.invisible-advantage.com

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section, we asked “What would a successful result look like?” This forces you to imagine the situation and engenders a creative, active approach. Classic examples of this are “I have a dream...” and “We will fight them on the beaches...” Use stories, metaphors similes and analogies and be specific. Following on from the last

point, use these techniques to really bring your suggestions and ideas to life. The more specific you can be, the more easily people can imagine the result. Charity campaigns are obvious examples of this. Learning about the terrible life of one, named child in a country in crisis touches people much more than hearing that ‘thousands of children need help’. Emotion is your friend and your enemy . Remember that we rarely act entirely rationally, and are

all powerfully under the sway of our emotions. If you can engage someone’s emotions positively by making them feel valued, listened to and appreciated, appreciated, you will be more than half-way there. If their emotional reaction reaction to you or your idea is adverse, it will be very hard to win them over - even if you are absolutely right! Stick to the facts, and separate personality from the problem. For example, you’re explaining

something difficult to someone and you may feel that your suggestion is not being considered appropriately: appropriately: ‘I get the gist, now I just need to get on with my job, my job, I’m really really busy’. Sticking to the facts means that you address the issue, not the personality: ‘I understand that you’re really busy, but the fact is that it’s crucial that you understand this document and the implications. The consequences of getting this wrong are serious. When will you have time to consider this fully?’ Identify standards. Create, or appeal appeal to, independent independent standards of fairness fairness that you can both

agree to. Think of starting a sentence with ‘Do you think it’s it’s fair...?’ fair...?’ In the example above, someone who is bullish by nature may reply: ‘I’ve told you, I’ve got the gist, I’m not stupid, now let me get on with my work’. Creating standards standards means that you keep the discussion as emotion-neutral emotion-neutral as possible. ‘It is an essential part of my job to ensure that you understand this document and its implications. If I do not do my job correctly, there are serious consequences for both of us, and the company. Do you think it’s fair to ask me and the company to perform badly because you are unable to create the time?’ tactic to be used lightly! lightly! However, However, there are times times when the issue is is Call their bluff. This is not a tactic important enough to warrant it. Calling their bluff means identifying objective questions that can test their claim. ‘Ok, I understand that you’ve got the gist. It’s It’s extremely important that you understand the consequences of this document, for yourself and for the company. company. I need to ask you some questions to ensure that you understand this. It will take about ten minutes. Can you do that now, or should we do it later?’ Obviously, Obviously, you will need to find the appropriate wording based on your


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relationship to the person, and the importance of the issue. However, well-deployed, you will only need to use this tactic once with a difficult person! Frame the discussion. ‘Framing’ means changing the context in which someone perceives your

message and it is an excellent way to achieve your goals in persuasion. Everything that you present to somebody will have a ‘frame’ - learn to use it more consciously. For example: “Let’s agree that we need to find a solution and work out what the next steps might be...” Is a good frame to use if you’re arguing about the outcome in a project. “Neither of us want to lose money, or have to start from scratch...” is a great way to continue a negotiation. Move to action. Wherever you are in a discussion, no matter how emotional, or ‘stuck’ it may

seem, it’s always possible to ask the question ‘what next?’. For example: ‘What’s the matter - don’t you trust me? I’ll try and get the project started by Wednesday’. Moving to action (combined (combined with identifying standards) means that your reply will be something like: ‘Trust is not the issue. You know that the project has to be finished by Friday, so let’s discuss the best way to get it started and establish a realistic series of steps to make sure it gets done.’ Agreement. Find something, anything to agree with to move the conversation forward. This is an

excellent tactic to combine with ‘move to action’. So, if you’re negotiating, and the person has just (irrationally!) said: “That’s twice our budget for this project”. You’d start: ‘Ok, we can agree that the project is important enough to go ahead with. Let’s look at which elements we’d need to remove to fit in with your budget...’


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Asking for a decision

If you’re going to the trouble of influencing people to agree with you, or act on your suggestions don’t just leave it at influence - ask for their commitment. commitment. Learn to spot when someone is ready to decide something or commit to something and then ask them for it. Verbal Verbal Clues that that someone is ready ready to decide decide or commit:

Asking for more details and clarification clarification and challenging challenging you on on this Talking Talking in terms of agreement agreement - “Yes, “Yes, and we could...” Asking ‘what next’ or ‘what do do customers normally normally do..?’ Asking ‘What if..?’ Asking about cost or or time ‘Would this this mean I’d do it on Friday Friday..?’ Using ‘I’ ‘We’ Body Language Clues:

Matching your postural ‘pattern’ and vocal tone/speed Relaxing, using more expansive gestures, leaning towards you Making themselves comfortable when considering possibilities Becoming less distracted/more focussed Taking Taking notes, or taking taking more notes notes than before


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Know when to stop talking!

Once someone agrees with you, anything further you say can only lessen the impact of what you’ve done so far. So, learn to spot the signs of readiness to commit and then ask for the commitment: Directly: “Do you agree that’s the best way to proceed..?’ ‘Can you agree to..?’ In Summary: ‘So, we’ve agreed X and Y, can we now draw up the contract...?’ Conditionally: ‘So if I were to draft the project by Friday, could you take over the details by next

Tuesday?’ Tuesday?’


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Gaining co-operation

There’s There’s an excellent 4-step 4-step process to encourage encourage people to co-operate with with you. This is particularly particularly useful in situations where something has gone wrong for a customer or colleague, and you need their goodwill in order to sort it out. 1. Establish Establish Credib Credibilit ilityy (both in yoursel yourselff and your your system/com system/company pany)) 2. Tell them that you’re you’re not not infall infallible ible 3. Ask Ask them them to work work wit with h you you 4. Show them them how how it will will be good for everyon everyone e to co-op co-operate erate

An example will make the process process clearer. clearer. Let’s Let’s imagine that you’re you’re in a position position where you have have to build and maintain good relationships with your company’s client. An important client calls you and says that there’s been a serious problem with delivery of a good or service. It was late, and she didn’t like the result, and wants you to sort it out. Here’s how you might use the four-part structure above to respond: “I’m sorry this has happened, obviously we do have systems in place to sort this out ( establish credibility) and I’ll start by finding out why this went wrong straight after this call. We try our best, but

we do sometimes make a mistake ( not not infallible). So, what I’d like to suggest is that I take from you the important details of what you need right now ( work with me) and I’ll do my best to get everything sorted out as quickly as possible. I really want you to be happy as my client, and I want to continue doing business with you good ( good for both). Reading ‘scripts’ like this will always sound a bit clunky on the page, but memorise the four-step four-step structure and try it out every time you need to get co-operation and build credibility. It shouldn’t take more than 20-30 seconds to go through all four parts, and once you’ve practised it a bit, you’ll find it comes to you very easily. Here’s one more example: A client feels feels that one of your company’ company’ss salespeople have have misled them about about a deal and they’ve they’ve complained (this happened to an insurance company recently, over changes to policy documents regarding regarding possible drink-driving). So, you call: “Hello, I’m the Sales director, director, and I’m calling as I’ve just received your complaint, ( establish credibility) I’m really sorry that you’ve had to complain, we have a [email protected] 45 Moreton Street SW1V 2NY 020 7630 5555 www.invisible-advantage.com

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lot of systems in place to make sure that our offerings are clear and fair, but, obviously, we’re not yes, that’s that’s right - not infallible!) can you tell me, from your point of view, what exactly you’ve infallible ( yes, think you’ve been misled about, and then I’ll see what we can do to help you. ( Work with me) you’re

an important client for us, and we really want to continue working with you, so I’ll do everything I can to make sure that you’re happy with us.” (Good for both) Don’t underestimate underestimate this technique - a lot of our clients at Invisible Advantage say that they use it in business almost every day!


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Final Thoughts

You You now have everything everything you need in order order to be more persuasive, and to get get more of what you want in ways that are consciously chosen and ethical.

As I mentioned at the beginning of the book, becoming becoming more persuasive persuasive is a process, not a one-off event. Take one or two of the techniques and try them out each week. Learning to persuade is like any skill - playing the piano, or riding a bike. You’ll You’ll be a bit stumbly at first, but you’ll soon get the hang of it. Once you’ve become more confident, you’ll be eager to try out many more of the techniques in all sorts of situations - presentations, negotiations, negotiations, social occasions, networking and team work. Becoming more persuasive can help with so many things - you can become a better leader, colleague and parent. You take more time to do the things you really want, or earn more money. Whatever your goals are, being persuasive will help you to reach them.

As I’ve asked you to engage engage hearts first, then minds minds I should probably probably finish with a story. story. Except that stories don’t always have to be ‘Once upon a time’. Facts and figures can tell their own stories, and everyone reading this will soon have their own stories to tell of how you became more persuasive.

Every time I work with someone on how to become more inspiring and persuasive, they tell me stories about what’s worked, and what hasn’t. I make a not of these stories and, one day, I might make a book out of them. So - tell me your stories! [email protected]

I wish you great luck in your persuasive future!


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About Invisible Invisible Advantage Advantage

Based on a background of psychology, magic, theatre, business and cutting-edge educational techniques, Invisible Advantage’s Advantage’s mission is to help business leaders and their teams achieve their business goals by becoming better communicators. Our seminars, talks and practical training sessions are all designed to help you re-think the way that you communicate and work and learn solid skills to become more engaging and persuasive in the business world. We help with: Business-to-business Business-to-business sales team t eam effectiveness & new business development Presentations, Presentations, pitches and business-critical business-critical announcements Networking and connecting Integrating and improving communication across teams and departments

PPP,, Logitech, ACE European, Visa Our clients include Deloitte, HSBC, Ace European, AXA PPP Europe, The International Chamber of Commerce, Morgan Stanley, Betfair, The Home Office and The Foreign Office.


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Bibliography

Robert Cialdini: ‘Influence. The psychology psychology of persua-

Fisher and Shapiro: ‘Building Agreement. Agreement. Using emo-

sion’. 1984 Harper Collins

tions as you negotiate’. 2005 Random House House

This is considered the classic work on persuasion. It’s more about how not to be persuaded, but there are still many

In the vein of ‘Getting to Yes’, Fisher and Shapiro deliver techniques for persuading on an emotional level.

excellent ideas, and it’s a thought-provoking text. Cialdini, Martin and Goldstein: ‘Yes! 50 secrets from the science of persuasion’. 2007, Profile Books.

Malholtra and Bazerman: ‘Negotiation Genius’. 2007 Bantam Books.

Another book from Cialdini, this one is a little ‘lighter’ so,

Aiming to lift the process of negotiation to a more rational level, they cover emotional reason why things go wrong

while less convincing, is an easier read. Some good stories make the points memorable.

and what to do about it. A fascinating book that will influence the way you deal with colleagues and clients.

Roy Lilley: ‘Dealing with difficult people’. 2002, Kogan

David Straker: ‘Changing Minds’ 2008 www.syque.com

Page

A good book for those who have to work with difficult colleagues or customers. Some useful ways of looking at ‘types’ of people. Kevin Dutton: ‘Flipnosis’. 2010 Random House

Many repeats of Cialdini’s research, but Dutton writes well, and there are some great stories that help the ideas ‘stick’. Fisher and Ury: ‘Getting to Yes. Negotiating an agreement without giving in.’ 1981 Random House

The classic text on persuasion as applied to negotiating agreements, and the origin of ‘BATNA’. ‘BATNA’. Some of the techniques are a little dated, but the thinking is way ahead of

Probably the most comprehensive book on persuasion techniques, but very, very, very dry. If you want to have a complete reference at hand, this is the book for you, but if you’re looking for ‘real-world’ techniques and memorable stories, then pass on this one. Ian Rowland: ‘The Full Facts Book of Cold-Reading’. www.ianrowland.com

‘Cold-Reading’ is the psychological technique used by psychics and tarot readers to seemingly tell you things they couldn’t possibly have known about you. Ian’s book is the best primer on this subject, full of interesting stories and techniques.

its time.


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How to Persuade

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