Honey On The Razor’s Edge
The Nature of Gender and Romance by Ngak’chang Rinpoche & Khandro !chen Intuition and logic; chaos and pattern – how do these words relate to romance? What significance do they have to ‘falling in love’? How do these word-pairs reflect the dance of relationship between men and women? he energy of these word pairs permeates every aspect of our lives! randomness and design; freedom and commitment; sub"ectivity and ob"ectivity; ga#ing and scrutiny; non-rational and rational; appreciation and discernment; admiration and respect; sensitivity and strength; laterality and linearity; $sthetics and pragmatism; uncreated %nowledge and active compassion; emptiness and form; "isdom disp#ay and disp#ay and method disp#ay& disp#ay & What is there to be said about men and women that is beyond restrictive stereotypes? stereotypes? History is peppered with evolutionary' evolutionary' agricultural' and climatic forces that create their own slants on what is re(uired of human beings& We cannot loo% to isolated historical periods for gender models which facilitate transformation& )o is there a human male-female paradigm that lies beyond the individual cultures of the world? *astern and Western Western cultures have devised models for women and men; but such models are all open to criticism' no matter how socially functional they appear& hese cultural' or religious models become cages in which we trap trap ourselves and others& others& )ome models are highly simplistic' simplistic' and designed to maintain social order' and some reflect a patriarchal interest that is highly obvious& +oth can be seen for what they are and re"ected& *ven models espoused by feminist women' appear to be adaptations of phalocentric models& models& We live in times of e,traordinary e,traordinary heterodo,y' heterodo,y' and are e,posed to ever-changing ever-changing ideologies of gender& ranspersonal ranspersonal psychology is e,ploring new gender models' in which men and women are free to evolve their own independent structures from the rich well of mythological archetypes& he interface of colourful anti(uarian clues with psychological %nowledge has generated new patterns as an interesting e,periment with life; but according to antra' antra' we should (uestion our patterns' rather than evolving new patterns as reactions against previous ones& With regard to the imposition of gender attributes' it is preferable for men and women to create their own models& +ut although this is obviously a way to brea% new ground' these models are also doomed to become prisons& he he problem with new models' models' is that they are always always ‘conve,’& hey are an imposition& imposition& hey represent a smaller version of what we are& onve, definitions are always limiting& hey are limiting' because they are defined& .o matter how broad and subtle the definition – a definition' by definition'' is always ‘a definition’& / definition is something brought within limits& / definition is a definition ‘defined area’ within limitless undefined space& he ‘space’ of our being cannot be defined; all we can do is point beyond our current models& +ut how is that possible? In what way can we point beyond our models? he answer is that we cannot; but' we can allow ourselves to e,perience ‘concave’ definition& In contrast with the e,ploration of new definitions' the antric a ntric approach is somewhat radical; as it involves allowing ourselves to be defined by everything that is ‘other’& antra proposes relating with a gender$speci gender$specific fic e%perience of e%perience of reality& 0or men' the gender e,perience of the universe is female& 0or women' the gender e,perience of the universe is male& 0or yogis' phenomenal reality is female& 0or yoginis' phenomenal reality is male& / ‘concave definition’ of what it is that constitutes masculinity or femininity' is one in which our ‘maleness’ or or ‘femaleness’ is fundamentally beyond (uestion& We do not need to be ca"oled by modern-
day savants of se,uality into believing that we have to ‘get in touch with our masculinity or femininity’ – it is already there& /ccording to antra' ideas of ‘deep masculine’ or ‘deep feminine’ are actually "ust deeper dungeons& We do not have to define' or even %now' what it is to be male or female' because being male or female is simply what we are& his is e,perientially evident to anyone who practises antra& here are no criteria to which the tantri%a has to conform& If you are a yogini' a woman' that is simply what you are – and the same is true of a yogi' a man& /ccording to inner antra' the ‘concave definition’ is that your gender is simultaneously fulfilled and transformed by your relationship with your environment& In the antric teachings of all schools of ibetan +uddhism' this is one of the primary vows& he vow is that we attempt to e,perience the entire spectrum of e,ternal reality' either as method$disp#ay 1male2 or as "isdom$disp#ay 1female2& What do the terms method$disp#ay and "isdom$disp#ay mean? 3ur descriptions here will be finger paintings of inner antra' so we should not be too impatient about defining these terms& We should not be blatant in revealing the visceral fire of relationships that are volcanic in their intimacy& When we spea% of our lovers' we need to be cautious with our words& he %nowledge that hovers above and below the surface of mundane e,pression should be left unspo%en& 4oluptuous landscapes of feeling should be left to be inferred& We do not intend to leave anything unsaid; but antra needs to disrobe itself according to its own precise passion – perfectly' and with fierce grace& It is neither wise nor practical to e,pose the heart of this sumptuous reality without creating a conducive atmosphere in which such shoc%ing perspectives can disport themselves with vivid elegance& It is obviously not easy to relate to the vows that e,ist within inner antra& It is not a straightforward endeavour to deliberately see in a different way – to see the entire fields of the senses as either male or female& It is not a practice' with specific rules that can be followed& here is literally no wa y in which a man or a woman could follow such obli(ue directives& However' it can be attempted& he ways in which it can be attempted are not immediately obvious; but' in terms of our discussion' we can loo% at the freedom allowed by letting go of ‘conve, definitions’& We can reflect on the powerful sense of liberation that e,ists in not having to conform to limited gender guidelines of any %ind' in relation to our individuality& he rapturous visionary conte,t of antra is no place for conventional rationale& Within this poetic paradigm' we can only immerse ourselves in the efflorescence of our sense fields' and learn directly from the energy of "hat "e are in relation to our lovers& We need to be able to encounter antric theory in the same way as we might encounter poetry' painting or music& It has been said that +uddhism has much in common with science' philosophy and psychology; but +uddhist antra cannot be confined by such tight ob"ectifications& antra has more in common with art& 56th century art' celebrates the uncomfortable counterpoint of conflicting notions' as an e,ploration of human e,perience& /rt regards parado, as a convention rather than a challenge to convention& 0rom this perspective the relationship of men and women presents a tremendous artistic challenge – the possibility of discovering the innate undividedness of intuition and logic; chaos and pattern; randomness and design; freedom and commitment; sub"ectivity and ob"ectivity; "isdom disp#ay and method disp#ay& o arrive at such a preposterous realisation we need to be able to enter the view of antra' as art& Within this field of intuitive openness' the parado,ical undividedness of these word-pairs relate to romantic love as enlightened dance& /s we e,plore the perceptual field of r omance' we discover that the intrinsic eroticism of being plays itself out in every aspect of e,istence& antra is often misconstrued as being a degraded f orm of +uddhism which focuses on coital positions& +ut although +uddhist antra includes human se,uality' its parameters are far broader than the perverse phalocentric methodologies which deify techni(ues and systematic approaches to love& +uddhist antra is fundamentally se,ual; but the se,uality it e,presses concerns the coital union of e,istence and non-e,istence& It e,plores the non-dual matri, of emptiness and form& It
delves into the dramatic dimension of dance' in which we cannot e,tricate ourselves from the vast and subtle se,ual embrace of each shining moment& /s human beings' within the perpetual prison of duality' we e,perience form-reality in terms of distorted gender& We e,perience ‘division’ in terms of mutually destructive patterns of attraction and aversion& 3ur relationships with each other reflect our estranged relationship with enlightenment& /ccording to antra' the primary difference between women and men lies in the reversal of the outer and inner (ualities of being& Women have outer "isdom ua#ities and inner compassion ua#ities & 7en have outer compassion ua#ities and inner "isdom ua#ities & When we realise these (ualities' we dance together as %handros and pawos; and our energies mirror each other& +ut when this realisation is not present we merely teeter and clump& Within the antric vision' all women are secret#y %handros' and men are secret#y pawos& 8handro means ‘s%y-dancer’& he s%y dancer is at home in the fluid play of chaos – uninhibited by the need to concretise or define& )he e,presses the ine,pressible through whimsy' the non-rational' and the une,pected& 9awo means hero or warrior' and signifies the pure appropriateness that has no need for the illusion of firm ground& he warrior is fearless' not because death has been nonchalantly ob"ectified' but because death is e,perienced with every moment& 0or the warrior the birth and death of every 7ind-moment are fully e,perienced – enabling him to live with totality in the present moment& he %handro (uality of women' manifests as outer wisdom-space in which her internal compassion plays& In relative terms; outer wisdom:sensitivity reflects itself in both the overt and subtle appearance of women as displayed through! intuition' f#uidity' f#e%ibi#ity' resi#ience' adaptabi#ity' ref#e%i(eness' empathy' conf#uence' faci#itation' resonance' sensiti(ity' recepti(ity' harmony' de#icacy' softness' ob#iueness' de(otion' #atera#ity of apprehension' p#ura#ity of perception' inchoate understanding' radiance and openness) +ut' when the connection with inner co mpassion:power is obscured through dualistic perception' the outer wisdom:sensitivity becomes wea%' aimless and pre y to manipulation& he pawo (uality of men manifests as outer compassion:power' which arises energetically from inner wisdom:sensitivity& In relative terms; outer compassion:power reflects itself in the overt and subtle appearance of men displayed through! inte##ect' ob*ecti(ity' producti(ity' performance' angu#arity' acuteness' accuracy' precision' sympathy' methodo#ogy' systematisation' in(enti(eness' structura# creati(ity' persuasi(eness' directi(eness' conc#usi(eness' #inearity of apprehension' singu#arity of perception' reducti(ity' discrimination' discernment and rationa#ity) +ut' when the vital connection with inner wisdom:sensitivity is obscured through clinging to dualistic perception' the outer wisdom:power stiffens into aggression' intolerance and manipulation& nless a man is a true warrior' he finds the %handro terrifying – she completely undermines him with her inchoate spaciousness& nless a woman recognises her %handro potential she finds the pawo overpowering – she is utterly overawed by his unending effectiveness& 7en need to be in contact with their sensitivity; and women need to be in contact with their power& Without this' we become distracted from awareness of our essential nature& 3ur energies become distorted and we flounder in a fog of forgetfulness' in which our outer (ualities become discordant& he person who could be our opportunity for liberation becomes our co$dependant imprisoned prisoner & When a man loses contact with his inner-(uality' his outer-(uality becomes distorted&
life' he could becomes an academic or a great debater& He could become a ‘cosmic gorilla’ with ‘spiritual muscles’ – a guru who claims to be the ‘world teacher’& When a woman loses contact with her inner-(uality' her outer (uality becomes distorted&
his article=written for a general readership=was commissioned by a maga#ine but was never published due to li(uidation of the publishers& It was based on the boo% Entering the Heart of the Sun and Moon by .ga%’chang >inpoche and 8handro <chen' a commentary on the 8handro 9awo .yi-da 7long @yAd +mKha’ ’gro d,a bo nyi z-a me #ong rGyud./ which is a <#ogchen men-ngag-d teaching from the grma of 8hyungchen /ro Bingma& Entering the Heart of the Sun and Moon' published by /ro +oo%s' 566C&
