FRIENDSHIP CONTRACT BE IT KNOWN, this agreement is entered into on this da y, __________ , 20___, between one fantastic, charismatic, and humbe !erson, ______________ "hereinafter aso referenced as #$riend %&#', and a generous, su!er coo, su!!orter(for(ife __________________________ ________________________ __ "hereinafter aso referenced as #$riend %2#') Now, therefore, therefore, it is agreed as foows* ARTICLE 1: BEING THERE FOR EACH OTHER
+ &)& $riend %2 wi be there for $riend %& at a times incuding but not imited to* When its raining outside and $riend %& gets sad thin-ing about the itte raindro!s dying !ainfuy as they hit the !a.ement, when its not raining, and when its one of those days where its raining raining for a bit but then not raining for another bit) + &)2 $riend %2 /1T su!!ort $riend %&s artistic artistic endea.ors, no matter how amateurish or unwise those endea.ors are) + &)2)& If $riend %& starts !aying guitar, $riend %2 is reuired to issue freuent su!!orti.e statements such as* 3Now were groo.ing45 36oure 36oure ma-ing o.e to those frets, best friend45 and 36ou 36ou sound e.en e. en better than Bues Tra.eer45 + &)7 If $riend %& is going through a brea-u!, $riend %2 must brea- u! with their own significant other so that both $riend %& and $riend %2 can hit the town together oo-ing for new o.e) ARTICLE 2: HELPING EACH OTHER
+ 2)& Whene.er $riend %& needs to mo.e, $riend %2 wi he!) + 2)&)& E8cuses i-e, 3/y bac- is out5 or 3I 9ust he!ed you mo.e si8 wee-s ago, !ease find a stabe a!artment,5 are not !ermissibe) + 2)2 $riend %2 !romises to come o.er any time $riend %& % & s!ots a arge bug or medium( si:ed shadow that might be a bug and needs he! smushing it) ARTICLE 3: RELATIONSHIP RELATIONSHIP PREEMINANCE
+ 7)& If $riend %& introduces $riend %2 to a third friend, $riends %2 and %7 /;6 NOT BE1 WIT? E;
+ A)& If $riend %2 is watching a s!orting e.ent, they must in.ite $riend %&)
+ A)&)& $riend %2 agrees to !ro.ide a seection of maga:ines for $riend %& to read, since $riend %& doesnt reay i-e s!orts a that much) + A)2 $riend %2 agrees with the statement, 3Its 9ust not a !arty if $riend %& isnt there45 and so wi hod E=O "0' socia gatherings without in.iting $riend %&) + A)2)& 1ocia gatherings incude but are not imited to* C >inner !arties C /o.ie nights C @acrosse tournaments C Bar tri.ia outings C 1ho!!ing e8tra.agan:as C Ironic wa8 museum .isits C 1incere wa8 museum .isits C ; grou! te8ts + A)7 $riend %2 /1T attend $riend %&s guitar recita, e.en if the recita is being hed at $riend %&s a!artment and a of the !erformers are 9ust $riend %& and a of the songs are 9ust Bues Tra.eers Tra.eers Four in order) ARTICLE 5: NONSTOP EMOTIONAL HONESTY HONESTY
+ D)& Both !arties agree that friendshi!s cant be one(sided) $riendshi!s must be based on mutua concern and oyaty) ;nd so if $riend %2 is being a 9er-, youd better beie.e $riend %& is going to bring it u! and throw it right bac- in $riend %2s face) + D)&)& ;nd $riend %2 is going to sit there and ta-e it, egay) + 7)2 ;fter any fights, $riend %2 wi a!oogi:e and refect on how they hurt $riend %&) ARTICLE 6: ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT EQUALITY
+ )& $riend %2 may not, under any circumstances, get ahead of $riend %& in watching e!isodes of new Netfi8 shows) E.en if $riend %& is in a coma fore.er) ARTICLE 7: TRYING NEW THINGS TOGETHER
+ F)& $riend %2 wi share a news of coo new bands, restaurants, and boo-s with $riend %&) + F)&)& ;t this !oint, $riend %2 and $riend %& wi enter a one "&' month(ong 3EG<@1IHIT6 E=IO>5 in which neither $riend %& nor $riend %2 wi share their coo finds with any other friends) ARTICLE 8: INSIDE O!ES
+ J)& $riend %& and $riend %2 wi share a minimum of o f ten "&0' inside 9o-es between them) + J)&)& If it is found that a third !arty did NOT ha.e to 3be there5 to a!!reciate the inside 9o-e, that 9o-e wi no onger count towards the minimum of ten "&0' inside 9o-es) ARTICLE ": GIFT GI#ING
+ )& $riend %& is oo-ing for a new sous(.ide coo-er) Lust sayin) ARTICLE 1$: PENALTIES PENALTIES AND SANCTIONS
+ &0)& If $riend %2 is found to be in .ioation of any !iece of this contract, thats o-ayM $riend %2 can 9ust go ahead and destroy $riend %&s %& s ife, ife, as if their friendshi! ne.er meant anything at a) $riend %& agrees to be sad fore.er and to ne.er forgi.e $riend %2) + &0)2 $riend %& wi ne.er !ay Bues Tra.eers 3?oo-5 on guitar e.er again) It woud be too !ainfu) IWe do hereby affirm and decare under !enaty ! enaty of !er9ury under the aws of the =e!ubic of the hii!!ines, the nited 1tates and the 1tate of _____________, that this agreement has been entered into .ountariy, and without any threats, !romises, duress andor coercion of any ty!e) This agreement sha be enforced with the aws of the 1tate of _______________) 1igned this ______________ day of _________________, 20__
________________________ ____________ ____________________________________ $riend %&
________________________ _____________ _____________________________________ $riend %2
Witnessed* ________________________ _____________________________________ ____________________________________________________ _________ The resident Of The nited 1tates 1tone
