WELCOME TO THE FEARLESS DATING COURSE
Each lesson consists of three parts: 1) A video lesson 2) Exercises and Missions 3) A write-up that you must complete to move on to the next lesson
Make sure you actually do the exercises and put some effort into the write-up. Nonsensical and One-word write-ups etc. will be deleted and access to later lessons may be removed until you properly Complete the previous lessons.
The idea is to get you not only out of the house and DOING things that are going to help you, but sitting down and really reflecting on what happened. Both are important to get the most out of this course and to improve yourself and your life.
LESSON 1: INTRODUCTION
Fearless Dating is the only online course based on both years of dating coaching industry experience and decades worth of psychotherapeutic research.
The course is based on the tenets of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT hones in on specific thought-patterns and beliefs and then prescribed systematized actions in order to achieve the new behaviors.
CBT has been shown to be the most effective form of therapy for anxiety-based problems.
This course is a mixture of videos and exercises.
The videos will educate you on important psychological concepts and inspire you to evaluate some of the patterns and behaviours within yourself. The exercises will then challenge you to go out into the real world and try on new behaviours to see how they work for you. To proceed through the course, you must submit written responses to either some of the questions posed in the videos or the exercises you go out and do. Don’t worry, there are no wrong answers. Take your time with the course. The best results come from consis tency. If you ever feel “stuck” in one place, go back to the previous exercises and do them again until you feel able to proceed.
I’m also available by email through the link in the top right.
EXERCISE
Write down the biggest challenge you’re facing in your dating life at the moment and three specific goals you’d like to get out of this course.
My 3 Goals:
1. I’d like to have more courage in meeting women in social settings like gym/office college irrespective she is a beautiful supermodel and eventually sleep with them. 2.I want to start my independent freedom business. 3.I Should able to turn my friends into lovers by being a H igh status alpha male in the group.
My 3 Biggest Challlenges i have : 1. Fear of rejection or fear of approaching Talking to girls in Social settings like Gym / cafe house. 2. Fear of approaching girls who i think are very hot.
3. Fear of starting my own business as I lack confidence i might lose what i already have.
LESSON 2: THE INFERIORITY GAP
The vast majority of behaviors most of us do when pursuing someone we’re interested are what I characterize as “performance” behaviors.
The implication of performance-based behaviors is that you are not good enough as you are.
Any time you feel it necessary to perform to impress someone, you are implying a sense of inferiority.
Women are wired to pursue men of status. They perceive status based upon behavior and social indicators. Performance-based behavior completely undermines a man’s perceived status, thus making him unattractive.
Some men become too intimidated by f eelings of inferiority and surrender themselves to women. These men are codependents (aka “Nice Guys.”) Other men decide to over-compensate and treat women as if they’re inferior. These men are narcissists. Why does the inferiority gap exist?
- Pop culture, romanticism, gender roles, etc. - Personal experiences and traumas
Inferiority is often situational as well. Some men feel fine speaking with women, but horrible about becoming sexual with them. Some feel fine being sexual but are scared to death to speak to them.
EXERCISE
Write about the ways in which you perform or try to impress women. Write about how this causes you anxiety. Write about what beliefs or experiences have led to you feeling inferior in certain situations.
Lesson 3: Vulnerability
But aren’t we always performing throughout our lives? Isn’t it normal to want people to like us?
Yes, but the problem arises when we try to control the other person’s impression. Obviously we all want to present ourselves well and communicate well. But as soon as you try to control what another person thinks, you are broadcasting a feeling of inferiority.
Vulnerability can be:
Behavioral (approaching, going for the kiss) Verbal (sharing thoughts or feelings) Emotional (expressing pleasure or pain)
Vulnerability requires one to communicate with authenticity — that means communicating your thoughts, feelings and desires with no conditions, with no expectations.
Vulnerability closes the inferiority gap.
It implies equal status with the woman. It resolves your internal shame. It helps you permanently overcome anxiet. It builds intimacy and connection. It builds sexual tension because it is bold and unpredictable.
The reason most people don’t practice vulnerability is because it’s hard. It forces you to confront fears, insecurities, shame, overcome anxiety, and risk rejection.
But ultimately, practicing vulnerability in your everyday life is the ticket to improving all of your relationships.
Research shows that vulnerability builds self esteem and builds trust with others. These are the two ingredients of successful sexual relationships. Exercise
Name three ways in which you can practice vulnerability in your life. Go out and do one of them. Write about what happens. 1 Approach and tell a girl that I would like to know something more about her. (ask her to tell something special or unique about her) 2 Call out bullshit on some of my coworkers. 3.Doing something which I am not good at, even though there is the fear of looking silly at the back of my mind.
Lesson 4: Beliefs about Women and Sex
If we’ve experienced a series of negative events in our past, we often form negative beliefs about women or sex.
This leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Negative beliefs about women, through a process of self-selection, end up attracting those very women into our lives. In psychology, this is referred to as “Assortment Theory,” and it particularly holds tr ue with self-esteem and gender beliefs.
What this also means is that your insecurities about yourself are likely to inadvertently screen for women with similar insecurities.
It’s important to single out your beliefs about women and sex and figure out why you have them and if they possibly may not be true.
Common examples: - Stereotypes about women, their behavior, and what they like. - Manipulation and inability to trust. - Self image issues and the women you attract. Exercise
Evaluate beliefs you have about yourself, sex and women that you think might be hurting you. Write what drives those beliefs and why you believe them to be true. Consider what would happen if they weren’t true.
Lesson 5: -TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST
One aspect of feeling inferior or feeling as if you must perform is simply not thinking or feeling highly of yourself. This is often simply referred to as “low self -esteem.”
Low self-esteem people feel a greater need to compensate, perform for others, and are mo re likely to surrender, give up or check out. They’re also more likely to commit manipulative behaviours.
Before we dive into the challenges of the program, it’s important that you realize a baseline level of taking care of yourself.
That means before moving on, you need to each one of these for at least one week apiece before moving on, if you don’t do them already:
Groom properly (shower, shave, teeth brushed) Be employed, live on your own. Have people in your life you can connect with. EXERCISE If you don’t have one of the three things above handled, write about how you plan to handle it. If you do, simply reply, “I’ve got it handled,” and move on.
EXERCISE SUBMISSION
Lesson 6: Basic Preparations
Since this program is going to challenge you to adopt many new and uncom fortable behaviours, it’s best if we build some momentum by giving you important, yet simple, behaviours which you can change on your own and will prepare you for what you’re going to be getting into.
One problem is that some men take on too many changes at once, or take on too big of changes at once.
With this final step before the modules, I will give you a handful of easily actionable changes you can make that will get you to begin feeling different and more enthusiastic for these life changes. Once you do them, the following exercises in the program will feel easier and more reasonable. 1.Throw out and ill-fitted or ugly clothing. Only wear your best clothing. 2.Always walk looking straight ahead, remove any headphones, do not ever pull out your smartphone to look at the internet or anything. Always stay socially engaged with the world around you. 3.Join one social event or group which you can partake in and something you actually care about. 4.Call up friends and make sure you have people to hang out with at least once per week.
These all sound simple, but they will help you immensely over the coming months.
Exercise
Go through each of the four items above and write how you did them and how the result felt.
If you already do the four things, write about how they’ve benefited you.
Bonus #1: The Zurich Seminar
The above seminar is a presentation I gave in Zurich, Switzerland in April of 2013 . The seminar covers a lot of the ideas presented in this program with more depth, explanation and discussion.
Contents of the video:
0:00.00 The Zurich seminar 1:34.20 Q&A – Does honesty mean that you approach girls by complimenting their boobs? 1:38.36 Q&A – How do I make her fall in love with me? 1:40.51 Q&A – I’m not into her, or I’m too into her. 1:44.45 Q&A – Should you learn something from negative emotions? 1:47.10 Q&A – When to start a monogamous relationship? 1:53.57 Q&A – Why you should travel.
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